#they felt she looked too masculine in a music video

[evillemons]

WHAT A RELATIONSHIP WITH JUNGKOOK WOULD BE LIKE (JK pt. 2)

~ based on his ideal type as described in part 1, continued into part 3. Masterlist here.

• I do imagine JK as having gone through a fuckboy phase before finding “the one”, taking home random women that came onto him frequently. HOWEVER, if he really likes someone, he would revert back to the shy, slightly intimidated romantic cutie that he is on the inside.

• He really would be obsessed with her and think about her all the time.

• Would attempt to woo her with flowers, romantic dates, moving furniture into her new apartment (drooling over this visual), and being excessively eager to help with anything she needed.

• He wouldn’t stop until she fell for him (think of the Seven music video).

• He’s aloof and unserious on the outside which may cause her to feel reluctant in the beginning, but she would inevitably give in to those big, sparkly, adoring eyes and polite demeanor.

• Seriously, who can say no to those puppy eyes.

• I imagine he would like more activity-oriented dates like attending a local fair or hiking. Games together, too, when the relationship is more established (which he would purposefully lose to make her happy (which is saying a lot considering how much he loves to win)).

• I can see him wanting to assume the “traditional” masculine relationship role of paying for dates, picking her up at her door, serving as the protector etc.

• Despite who’s looking, he would grab her waist and sit her in his lap, put his arms around her, or kiss her neck whenever he felt like it (almost a little territorially).

• Lots of teasing and little pranks or jokes.

• Would fall asleep with his head in her lap during a movie after working himself to death all week.

• He can honestly be a little bit of a brat, but is too cute and sweet to stay mad at for too long.

• Weekly gym dates (to which he would probably be in awe of at the sight of her in fitted clothes).

• Jungkook is one pretty man, but god would he be a high maintenance boyfriend.

• He requires a lot of attention and reassurance, and he would no doubt get jealous easily.

• Out of all the members, I see him as the most confrontational if someone came onto her. He might punch someone if he’s really angry.

• God forbid someone makes her cry… prepare to die.

• Arguments between them could get loud and quite heated, but afterwards he would come to her meek and slightly teary eyed, telling her how sorry he is and how much he loves her.

• I’m not sure where he would fall on the spectrum in terms of publicizing the relationship. He would receive the most backlash by fans for sure, but I also don’t think he would care what others have to say if he really loves her.

• Similar to V, there could be potential for an unhealthy dynamic given his lack of experience at “normal” life, so she would need to be patient and mature with him and they would need to be able to communicate well.

• Although he can be a little needy or possessive, when he falls for somebody, I think he would be incredibly sweet, loving, and loyal and want to give her the world.

[rpfisfine]

an overview of the things we watched during my turbofolk seminar for @roadwhores @lofimp3 and my other balkan (and non-balkan) followers who might be interested

(my professor is bulgarian for context and unfortunately she hasn’t made the presentation with all the additional information public yet so these r just my personal notes & things ive remembered.Thumbs up)

we started with the only balkan song that is on the voyager golden record which i thought was sooooo beautiful as someone from a country who didn’t have anything interesting to contribute to the golden record besides the greeting to the universe i feel very humbled and reverent to have listened to it

goran bregović - bella ciao & kalashnikov at sziget festival 2012 (our professor mentioned that he’s kind of a piece of shit who steals songs from marginalized communities and profits off of it and has been actively sued for it in the past so i made sure to shake my head while i was listening to show that i didn’t agree with his actions)

recordings of traditional folk songs being performed at serbian weddings I forgot to write the performer’s name down but he played the clarinet beautifully and someone stuck a bill to his forehead while he was playing to show their appreciation which I think we need to bring back)

we talked abt ceca quite extensively and also looked at one paparazzi photo of her with some politician guy who besides being her biggest fan in the world is also apparently a huge fan of vinnetou & robert de niro which i thought was kind of a slay personally

we watched one lepa brena video from the 80s and one from the 90s to see the transformation of her style and the sound of her music throughout the years

+ also clips of her wedding to boba which we compared to ceca’s wedding to the serbian mobster who then ended up being assasinated (we didn’t touch on ceca’s personal criminal history too much but after a brief glimpse at her wikipedia page I think we should have im slightly obsessed with her i think)

the most aggressively 90s and vaguely bisexual music video by saška vaseva abt clubbing and drinking….loved it

neshto netipichno (probably not spelled right but i copied it from the yt title) by ivana

azis!!!!!!!!! he’s such an icon to me our professor showed us a selection of his mvs ranging from the time when he wasn’t out as a gay man yet to i think his most recent song so we kind of witnessed his whole transformation from his like full blown drag stuff (i.e "hop" - SLAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) to his most recent very aggressively masculine & americanized style but i am literally actually legitimately obsessed with his look from his old videos i need to look exactly like him immediately like . Are you kidding me

we ended with dubioza kolektiv - USA & no escape from balkan and i kind of want to tattoo the lyrics of the second song on my body if im being honest i respect what these guys have going on

overall it was definitely the best seminar from this course and im so glad i dragged my lifeless body out of bed in the morning to attend it bc i cannot even imagine missing out on it you guys have a very wonderful culture and i loved that 80s & 90s balkan music videos literally look identical to czech mvs from that time I felt a deep sense of kinship while watching them. Long live yugoslavia ❤️

[ravenadottir]

rahim: headcanons

(listen, i thought i had posted and queued this last year, like around june, and as it turns out it was stored in my google drive, so rahim stans, sorry about that!)

⛳ after having a discussion with @itsrealityboo we can agree the imagery of rahim with a petit dog is e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g. while the dog gives him kisses he can’t help but giggle while it happens. STOP.

⛳ i reckon he prefers apartments over houses. like @itsrealityboo said, "I think he wants luxury but doesn't want to deal with the additional upkeep that comes with a stand alone house." and it's very that.

⛳ a second bedroom converted into a closet, because you know he just has LOADS of clothes and barely repeats them.

⛳ his at-home-attire consists mostly of sweatshirts, which i love picturing in a blush pink.

⛳ during the pandemic he was getting anxious for not being able to hit the gym. however, he did go overboard to compensate for it with his online purchases.

⛳ the maintenance for his hair it’s either made by mc or himself. i really reckon he went through a lot of videos and tutorials to learn because he didn’t know how to do them before.

⛳ he was also having lots of fun learning dance tutorials on youtube, but doesn’t want anyone to know about it. REALLY HARD TO MISS THE GIANT BOY STEPPING UP AND DOWN IN THE OFFICE BUT SURE RAHIM.

⛳ zoom calls with noah and henrik. learning some recipes from bobby and talking nonsense with gary.

⛳ playing online FOR SURE, and everyone in the chat was from the villa. he loves playing team games and laugh while gary yells at bobby for the 35th time that he missed a chance to eliminate someone. “AI, CUPCAKE, PAY ATTENTION, FUCK!” all you can hear is noah sighing and rahim chuckling.

⛳ he was so bored at some point he was learning how to do magic, and when failing while showing it to his girl he would shake his head and say “it worked when i practiced in the mirror”.

⛳ his mom would make sure he’s always keeping the fridge full and he would respond with “it’s almost like you don’t know me mom.”

⛳ i reckon he talks to his mom at least once a week. not so much with his dad the more he learns about masculinity and all.

⛳ loves to surprise his girl with his cooking, and now that’s improving he likes showing off a bit.

⛳ expanding his music collection by A LOT.

⛳ expanding his reading as well, especially with manga.

⛳ and while at it he might check a few animes too.

⛳ drawing! drawing! drawing! this is an old headcanon but it’s so fitting for him. i think this is how he copes with anxiety sometimes.

⛳ so many brand deals after the show. the best way to make money during the pandemic since he couldn’t tour.

⛳ i would love to think he did a reaction video about three episodes: the one he brings shannon back, the one he chooses jo over shannon, and when he and mc get back together. i have a feeling he’s very apologetic about the whole ordeal and tries to explain himself a lot.

⛳ wine drinker. sue me, i like the thought of him drinking a glass of wine.

⛳ he might experiment a lot with his hair, and let it breathe from time to time. i honestly think he would look so good with an afro.

⛳ if he's bored you might catch him trying to solve the rubik's cube in a shorter time crunch.

thirsty headcanons under the cut:

🧡 rahim’s disposition to make her moan is unprecedented. he’s reading,, and watching a lot of videos on the matter. he felt really unequipped and i think spending his time learning is worthy of compensation.

🧡 loves being the reason she grabs the bedsheets and will do anything to make it happen.

🧡 slight mommy kink, not gonna lie.

🧡 loves praise.

🧡 has a hard time to talk about his own preferences because he’s afraid of being judged. once he feels comfortable, there’s no turning back.

🧡 background music always, it helps him focus.

🧡 holding her around his waist wherever they are.

🧡against a wall happens more frequently than you think.

🧡 P-A-C-K-I-N-G.

🧡 likes being guided. loves being controlled. cums when commanded.

🧡 his default flow is mostly romantic and easy going.

🧡 if he doesn’t receive a picture while on tour he’s definitely upset.

🧡 if she tells him she wants a video with audio featuring him in the tub, he’s tripping on his way to take his clothes off and fill that bitch up.

🧡 left and right there’s a growl but he’s not sure if he’s allowed to make noises. when she tells him it’s ok, just watch. or rather, listen. he sounds fucking good…

🧡 moans her name continuously while she’s in control. and out of it for that matter.

🧡 buries his face in her neck when on top.

🧡 LOVES being teased and can’t get rid of whatever is his hands fast enough when she lets him know what’s about to happen.

🧡 whimpers when close to cumming.

🧡 his torso and thighs tremble while it happens and he shuts his eyes while grunting and whimpering.

[thesinglesjukebox]

POST MALONE FT. MORGAN WALLEN - "I HAD SOME HELP"

You've heard of post-punk and post-hardcore; here's post-wallen...

[4.00]

Wayne Weizhen Zhang: Chipper and catchy, the ideal PSA for male friendships based in toxic masculinity. Can't wait for "Teamwork makes the dreamwork/Hell, I had some help" to play at the cookout before the next insurrection while the bros believe in their hearts that they're the good guys!  [3]

Aaron Bergstrom: The "Blurred Lines" copyright lawsuit was a net negative for music as a whole. It was a cynical cash-grab, it was incorrectly decided, and it set a dangerous precedent for artistic freedom. On the other hand, it's not like people were lining up to defend that song, and there was a pleasant hit of schadenfreude in seeing a lowest-common-denominator vehicle for smug misogyny get its comeuppance, even if it was for the wrong reasons. So, all of that said, on the matter of "I Had Some Help": I'm not saying Tom Petty's estate should get involved here, but I'm not not saying that, either. [2]

Alfred Soto: I can't argue with the confidence of the verses -- that's how you drawl, kids -- and I admire the hint of ambiguity. Morgan Wallen's recorded enough songs in which he can't remember what he said and did before he passed out, what he's going to drink to help him recover from passing out, and the consequences of passing out too many nights a week; I can hear "I Had Some Help" directed at a buddy who let him down as much as at a woman, especially since in the male-male duet tradition he and Post Malone look like they wanna cootchie-cootchie-cool each other in the video. I don't need to hear it again, though it's not like Top 40 radio's helping. Sure hope Martha-Ann and Sam Alito spot the upside American flag in the video. [6]

Katherine St. Asaph: A breakup postmortem presented as an Am I The Asshole post that -- like many Am I The Asshole posts --  is noticeably vague about the specifics of the breakup, about what exactly "all the shit she did" was and how it supposedly counterbalances whatever shit he did. This isn't meant as moral indignation -- the song might well be better if it were more clearly an asshole's POV (and certainly more believable from Morgan Wallen). It's just hard to have an emotional response given nothing solid to respond to; the music certainly isn't contributing much there. [4]

Scott Mildenhall: How would America have felt if, on embracing DHT's "Listen to Your Heart", it had been rewarded with the lesser half of Clubland 4: The Night of Your Life? Delighted, if it had any sense -- wait til you meet Jurgen Vries! -- but you have to take things step by step. Hitting the rest of the world straight with this bottom-of-the-barrel bottom-of-a-bottle country is likewise something of a liberty. If it wasn't for the familiar throat frog of Malone, it would be the kind of wallpaper you can only buy at Home Depot. [4]

Jonathan Bradley: There are engaging stories to tell about two people who take one another to worse places than they could reach alone — John Darnielle has produced an entire song cycle demonstrating as much — but Morgs and Posty speak in such non-specific and evasive terms (count the clichés: throwing stones at glass houses, fucking “teamwork makes the dreamwork”) that I can’t trust them about the source of the toxicity in this relationship. That could well be the basis for a compelling dramatic irony, but it would also require a much nastier song than this breezy Tom Petty facsimile of an arrangement could tolerate. [4]

Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: Real poptimism has never been tried; if it had, there'd be reams of essays about this track, a true mega-hit floating above all the various pop conversation objects of the late spring. Instead, nothing. No reflections on the grand symbolism of this link-up, no canny narrativization of the continued Post Malone country-turn, no long-form exegesis on Morgan Wallen's fraught relationship with rap music and his own proclivity for racial slurs, no pondering of the state of the charts. We've got a paragraph in the New York Times, a third of a Chris Molanphy article, a anti-Post jeremiad in Saving Country Music, and not much else. This ought to be the "WAP" of dryness, a discourse schelling point, but the commentariat has fallen silent. The obvious conclusion here is that there's nothing to say about "I Had Some Help" — that I've written 120 words of this review without talking about the song perhaps serves as useful corroboration. But that's not quite right; "I Had Some Help," like every one of the great blank chart-topping colossi that these two men have been responsible for, is full of interesting little details if you listen to it enough times— that little "Help!" yelped after the chorus, the surprisingly delicate mandolin and fiddle interplay on the bridge, the way that the two vocalists reach towards harmonies they can't quite nail by the last chorus. Do these details add together to anything of worth? God, no. Perhaps the most intriguing thing is comparing their two approaches as singers — Wallen continues his honking reign of terror, bulldozing those melodies and sounding less like the charming rascal the song wants him to be and more like your best friend's worst boyfriend, but Malone sounds more pitiful and beautiful, leaning on the fucked-up choir-boy warble that has always lent his music a certain pathos. I'd like this more if he didn't have the help. [3]

Ian Mathers: Two great tastes that taste great together! [0]

Taylor Alatorre: Rest easy, reader: our beloved Posty has not gone full Rock n Roll Jesus just yet. What he and Wallen have done is inadvertently craft an anthem that better taps into the mindset of post-Cold War conservatism than any tryhard harangue by the likes of Kid Rock or Jason Aldean. The duo breeze through the nominal relationship angst with such airy detachment that the song's pretext easily outstrips the text: this is little more than an excuse to bring together two imperial-era megastars and have them act out their dented masculine stoicism at the altar of Tom Petty. And wouldn't you know it, each of them happens to be repping a different red state milieu: Post from the affluent North Texas suburb that trended blue so much it had to be redistricted, and Wallen from the rural Tennessee outpost that was side-eying Democrats even before the Civil Rights Act. The result is less musical fusion and more Buckleyite fusionism, with each artist giving up a bit of their distinctiveness so the partnership can coalesce as smoothly and inevitably as possible. This might be a complaint if it didn't end up sounding exactly as seamless as intended, barring some tin-eared Wallenisms like "us a-crumblin'." Everything else is built along a frictionless straight-line path that offers little opportunity for resistance, which is fitting for a song that's essentially about passing one's agency into the hands of another. Post and Wallen want to take us along for a ride in which they too are being taken along by someone, or more specifically dragged under. "Help!" they numbingly shout at us from some unseen subterranean place, sounding at first like punctuation and only over time registering as desperation. There's a hard-to-explain thrill in watching these avatars of white America willingly make themselves into the subaltern for a few minutes, bemoaning their limited range of choices under the accumulated weight of history. Personal responsibility is an overrated concept, they imply -- finally, some bipartisanship! On the one hand, "I Had Some Help" is the cri de coeur of the anti-anti-Trump voter, the kind who has little use for the man except as a corrective lesson, a Mandate of Heaven against the haughty overreaches of the liberal elite. In Swiftie terms, it's "Look What You Made Me Do" for people who either write for National Review or drive lifted trucks. On the other hand, whataboutism is all-American fun; that's why Both Sides Do It™. "You blame me, and baby, I blame you" -- himbo insight, maybe, but ain't that really the truth, in a century where politics on all sides is less and less about improving material outcomes, and more and more about the proper rationing of sympathy and apportionment of blame?  A nation of stadium crowds, 30,000 apiece, all screaming along to a jaunty country rocker about the joys of denying one's own free will -- America, what a country!  [8]

Joshua Minsoo Kim: I cannot deny how propulsive the verses sound here and how much the song suffers when nobody is singing. And just as I’m about to give up on it, the two deliver a bridge that brings it all together. This would go so hard at a wedding — I hope I get to dance to this at one soon. [6]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox]

[kiss-my-battery-505]

I’m bored so here’s a list of my reviews of all the movies I’ve seen from the silver scream albums

Don’t feel pressured to read lmao I’m just infodumping for fun also sorry for bad formatting this was written in my notes app lol

Friday the 13th/Thank god it’s Friday- The song absolutely FUCKS its so good I VERY recommend it, it mainly references the beginning part of the movie but it sounds like a basic campfire story but with metal music it’s awesome <3 The *movie* wasn’t bad, the first one wasn’t as great as I was expecting but it was super fun and I def am gonna watch the sequels

Rainy day/Resident evil- LOVE THESE the song is 100% less metal and more like alternative?? Pop rock?? but it’s still amazing the music video also slaps, but the MOVIES!!!! I just watched the second one (it’s been a while since I watched the first lmao) but the second one is a total cheesy action/zombie movie and is one of the only zombie movies I’ve ever enjoyed like GENUINELY and the GAMESS I’ve only played the first one (I haven’t finished yet </3) and watched some clips from the later ones but they freaky /pos HIGHLY HIGHLY recommend the song/franchise

Scream/Your number’s up- The song wasnt my favorite (it just sounded a little too much like a musical but it wasn’t bad) but it wasn’t bad but the MOVIE <333 I already watched scream like a while ago and it’s one of my favorite like kind of mystery/slasher movies? Also one of my favorite final girls in a movie like she def earned it, I wish I could watch this movie again for the first time it rocks

IT/IT is the end-Another movie I have SO many thoughts on: the older one was my favorite <33 it had practical effects it felt like the main characters actually cared about each other, LOVED the old one BUT the new ones were not as good imo like it was *all* CGI that got kind of boring after a while the characters like seemed to care about each other less and it was all super forced, there were like wayyyy too many side plots that meant nothing??? AND THE ENDING like- spoilers if u haven’t watched it- but the way they figured out how to defeat the clown WAS SO FUCKING STUPID like all of those confusing side plots and they just had to use the power of bullying????? Like they just gathered around it just going oH stupid little babey man look at this stupid fuckign idiot AND IT WORKED?!?!!! Like they fought a spider creechur in the original like I was so mad at the new ending loll anyway, it’s been like a couple months since I watched it but I could totally go into even more detail jsbsj

Nightmare on elm street/American nightmare- Again the song is great✨super theatrical, I just watched the movie for the first time it’s amazing <333 total cheesy 80s movie, the fashion was great✨the characters weren’t like annoying I liek :)

Hip to be scared/American psycho- This was the first Ice Nine Kills song I’ve ever listened to and it’s STILL my favorite it’s soso theatrical and fun and there are so many movie references in the song it’s crazyy and the live performance clips look so fun jsbsj

I just recently watched the movie bc of the song and like I don’t know if I would have enjoyed the movie as much if I hadn’t listened to the song first loll like the first half of the movie i took WAY less seriously than I should’ve cause like they’d reference something and and my dumbass brain would only think of the song but towards the end I realized it was all a metaphor for something bigger and I’ve never researched a movie that much like ever <3 I could write a whole other essay on the like corporate greed and toxic masculinity themes but this is already super long so <3333

Evil dead/Ex Mortis- the song and movies are on the EXACT same wavelength /pos very camp very cheesy it’s perfect <33 it’s been forever since I’ve watched Army of Darkness but I remember it was super fun like a very good bad movie you can just turn your brain off and watch without analyzing too hard

Candyman/Farewell II Flesh-So I’ve only seen the new remake of this movie but it was done SUPER well like the shadow puppet scenes were really cool and different and the plot was rly good :))) very spooky I loved it (my sister did not lmaoo)

Pet semetary/Funeral derangements- (I’ve only watched the original one) ok so like this movie has a very gloomy type vibe (obviously) and was like pretty unsettling (minus the parts me and my friends made fun of a little lol) but like that’s the point and it was well made, also the *song* funeral derangements fucks *so* hard like the chorus is so amazinggg waughh <3333333 very swag

Also lastly honorable mention that has not been put on a silver scream album (yet 👀) but is still SUCH a good horror movie: Cabin in the woods is so amazing and I cant even summarize the plot without like spoiling it like trust it’s such a good movie it like changes the way u see other popular horror movies it’s so cool I promise

Ok this was really long and I don’t write essays often so I wanted to keep it short (I didn’t 😔) but yeah anyway~this is just some of my own opinions don’t take it too seriously lmao I didn’t 🥰🥰

[firespirited]

Enjoyed The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity and Love by bell hooks very much.

Lots of photos of passages that hit hard that I'll edit and post eventually.

It's easy reading and also not. And it's well named.

There are people who you can support and love unconditionally, to whom you provide the care and emotional space to grow and the grace when they mess up... and it doesn't work. We can pour ourselves into giving the gift of a safe, stable environment to grow and get back in touch with all that their inner child cut off and stuff that they need to deal with... And nothing... because there's no will to change. Not even when the change would make them happier, have stable relationships, get into less trouble.

I really appreciate that hooks made that flipside a part of the message. It's so easy to blame yourself for not managing to save someone who didn't want saving and doesn't think they need to grow at all.

She addresses her failed relationships despite seeing so many men in group discussions and in her life come to massive realisations about themselves and undertaking life-changing growth like daring to truly love their kids openly. She also shouted out the queer amab folks who've rejected toxic masculinity: not just the misogyny and repression but the whole shebang : redefining manliness, de-gendering nurturing, refusing any dominance based relationships.

The book is written in binary gender wording in the hope it'll reach the most needing audience (2004 was a while back too) but its thesis is that gender roles hurt us all and people who deviate from that norm are no longer considered correct and good males or females whatever different sexuality, gender change, gender non conformity visible or practiced landed you in the 'queer' box. The language is not up to date but the message is on point.

If you prefer video essays Fiq da signifier has several about men and boys, black men and boys, and who gets brainwashed into the manosphere.

But bell hooks has a way of presenting a thesis with quotes, evidence anecdotes then a one line summary that'll punch you in the neurons.

I was listening to some music from 'pop and indie you need to hear this week' and my brain was seeing patterns clearer than just 'dump the asshole' or 'no you're not fixed and whole because or this relationship as lovely as they are, your lyrics (and past lyrics) suggest you've done the work on yourself and are ready now that someone who's also done the work has arrived and that would be an even better song than this one) because of those two books. As much as I felt the first 'All about Love' was preaching to this choir, it also gave focus and succinct concepts.

I look forward to hearing what mum has to say about this one. She fell out with 'feminism' because of the separatists and gender essentialists (bullied by girls and women and also a social worker until burn out - leaves you no illusions about the natural nurturing divine feminine)

She's known men (and both parents) with little to no will to change who were love black holes and men who've defied their upbringing and culture to be the best dad or partner even though they've been shamed for it. Then again, she might give me a brief 'it was interesting' and shut down conversation because feelings are too much. And in two years time she'll drop 'as bell hooks said' into a conversation and I'll know it helped a little.

[agatalunar]

Hi,how are you? I hope all is well🩵. May I have a personal reading? Nickname: Kennee , pronouns: she/her. And I would like to have a reading on my future children personality. Thank you 😊🪽. I look forward to giving feedback!!!

✫・.・ Personal reading ・.・✫

Hi angel ♡ tbh I feel so happy lately, thanks for asking I hope you are well too ❀ tysm for sending your question!

cards -> six of coups, five of swords, ace of swords, the judgment, eight of pentacles, five of coups and ten of swords

First of all I pictured a little boy, it doesn’t mean that it’s a boy, it could simply mean that your future child projects a masculine energy, but to make all this more "easier" to read, I’m going to use the pronouns he/him if it’s okey with you :)

Your future child is a rockstar! Haha, he has such a unique personality

The little boy I pictured was sitting on a toy motorbike for babies, he was wearing sunglasses and a red and gray cap and the song that says “they see me rollin” was playing, like he was in his moment to shine haha

While I was shuffling the cards in the background the song "Kool kids" by Maneskin was playing and with that song I could feel all his energy and personality, he will be so liberal (he will not be conservative at all) he will be very authentic in his ideas, this perception of fighting for rights is very strong and important for him. The way he will think/his ideals in life reminds me a lot of how Hobie Brown thinks ( the spiderman character) I heard: “I don't believe in the government”

I asked for a celebrity who had a similarity to his personality and immediately thought of Jin from BTS (I also thought of Alex Turner but from my perspective Jin resonates more) His personality is very similar to Jin's because Jin is so spontaneous, he's extremely funny, he can literally make a joke out of everything, he's sarcastic, Jin doesn't care if people don't laugh at his jokes, as long as he likes his own jokes, everything is fine, you don't know what Jin's next move will be, and everything I just said, your future child has it in his personality. Jin can also be a bit dramatic at times, your child will be like that too. He won't care what other people say

I feel that he can be that type of child who tells you super random facts about super random topics or topics that you have never discussed with him before, past lives? reincarnations? I heard this: “like mom, do you remember when I used to live in France?” (that was so random haha)

Another thing that reminds me a lot of his personality are the songs from the 90's and the early 2000's, specifically the raps, songs with the same vibe as the artist 50 cent. Maybe he will really like songs from that specific era.

This part of the song “Video games” by Lana del Rey "heaven is a place on earth with you" I felt it as a message from him to you, I felt a very beautiful energy when I heard that part of the song

Fine China by Chris Brown ☆ Power by Little Mix ☆ Go go by BTS ☆ Kool kids by Maneskin ☆ Hello you by Arctic Monkeys ☆ Gang over you by Brent Faiyaz ☆ Ice ice baby by Vanilla Ice ☆ Always on my mind by Brandy ☆ Video games by Lana del Rey ☆ You know how we do by Ice Cube ☆ Hey ya by Outkast ☆

Important things of this reading -> the number 5 and the number 32 seems to be important, 222, 90’s music, r&b and rap, “punk”, motorcycle, planet Pluto, Eminem?

It was a pleasure doing your reading, I hope you enjoy it!

𓏸 ~ Sakura 🧚‍♂️

[ithisatanytime]

Vanilla Ice - Ice Ice Baby (Official Music Video)

 people are talking about the new mario movie, and ive only got a couple things to say about it which means novel length post incoming, hopefully i can keep it brief though. peach is a masculinized woman, its fucking obvious, there is a three minute webm of her karate kicking and carrying on, not surprising, im a little surprised by the people defending it though. thats what happens when you grow up in globohomo, if its not a depiction of literal child rape than its based for young fat men. they use the fact that she was a “playable” character in super mariio 2 to justify this or to claim that if you say mario is “woke” (bad euphemism for JEWED) then it must have been woke since SMB2, but they are ignoring possibly the most well known little known piece of mario trivia in existence, super mario 2 is a complete reskin of a different game, doki doki panic, whos characters were reskinned as familiar mario characters because japanese developers felt the ACTUAL mario two would be too difficult for western audiences at the time, and in the actual mario 2 shes just a fucking princess waiting to be rescued. i dont fucking care about mario, or mario movies, if you stuck by nintendo after the release of the gamecube you were destined for hellfire and homosexuality any way, what i really want to point out is the role of a princess, what the fuck is a princess anyway? why are they such a popular plot device? there are obvious answers to this, they immediately provide character motivation being among the strongest, but what i want to focus on is how princesses appeared in games pretty much up until the late nineties particular in nintedo franchises, lets talk about zelda. she, almost EXACTLY like princess peach doesnt really show up in the early games save for the very end, her sprite is your reward for completing the game, her appearance is special, just being there, wow, i feel accomplished, thats what a princess is for! thats what they do! thats their power, lets look at ocarina of times depiction of princess zelda, things were ALREADY getting bad, with the introduction of “sheik” who is princess zelda in heavy disguise, face concealed and even then she just kinda shows up and teaches you bolero of fire lmao, but notice there is no sheik unmasking? she transforms directly into the princess, you could say this was to save money on a new model and thats probably partly true, but PRINCESS zelda shows up at the end of the game to lead you threw a collapsing castle protected by magic, this is so important to note because they easily could have had her in sheik form karate kicking boulders and blowing up doors but they chose not to, because the sheik character is only compelling to closet cases, literally no one else cared. what im getting at here, is that princesses in videogames and stories had PRESENCE, and thats the source of their power, not brute strength or whatever, princesses like women are valuable because of what they are not what they do, and they more they do the more devalued they are in the eyes of everyone. im not talking about women being forced to have masculine role models and take on masculine roles, thats ass and ive spoken on that quite a bit, what im pointing out is the erasure of femininity thats made the princess archetype a meaningless relic. its about the nature of girl power, what is girl power? is it just boy power when utilized by a woman? and in that case, what is a woman?

[thisiskatsblog]

i wonder if the way harry's deal works he gets to pay for the mv and make the video and after that it needs approval and thats where the issues came up and the mv was put aside and just the abstract video used in the tour videos?

i am by no means an expert on music deals, but i think, yes, any big label would exercise veto rights on tracklists, singles, music videos, and the likes. that’s why medicine isn’t on any tracklist and i guess we should be lucky we even got two ghosts. 

i would imagine though, that music video budgets are part of the bigger promo budget which is not on the artist himself, and also that no one would pay for the production of a music video they didn’t expect to be releasing in the end and there would be a pre-approval of the concept. the musician and video artist would come up with an idea and would have to convince their label that this is a good one and would speak to the market. after pre-approval they would then work more closely together on the details. harry will have certain restrictions (he cannot be explicit) but is always trying to push the boundaries of where he can go with that. 

so i think it’s likely things went more like this:  the larger concept (“barren landscape immersed by lava, harry standing in lava”) was approved, but then when, in the end product, harry was standing there in a long shirt/dress and the lava was multi-coloured, someone with veto rights saw it, made the same connections that we do, thought other people would make those connections too, didn’t want that, and said no.

their thinking would have been “i don’t care how much we have already paid for the production of this video, promoting the single with it, will cost us more than not promoting it with a video at all” 

all of the thinking on the part of the industry rests on 1. money 2. assumptions about what the general public will do. while money is quantifiable and the reasoning may be rational, the assumptions are what’s to be questioned here. the music industry is older white men. who were raised in a homophobic system and have homophobic assumptions about what the general public will do.

and that’s where our power comes in. we don’t have a lot of it, but social media gave us some. we need to USE THE HELL out of our power and our social media to show the homophobic music industry that homophobia is a thing of the past and that we, the younger public, are NOT homophobic and would pay for Harry’s, and other non straight artists’ music and tickets regardless. we need to show them that there is a large, like much larger than you’d expect, non straight public that you can also market to, and who are CRAVING for an idol like Harry, and other non straight musicians.  that any breadth would be compensated by far in depth of commitment. Harry has seen that, and that makes him more powerful in his negotiations so we need to continue to be loud about this for him and any other artist we care about that we feel needs this. 

we need to be as visible as we possibly can, with our LGBTQ+ identities and our LGBTQ+ support, at every concert, and on social media - to make eachother strong. we don’t just deserve to be here. we deserve representation. as a community, we deserve it, that some of us who are talented become succesfull, without having to compromise on our identities, or our visibility as part of this community. 

[mellowsadistic]

Nina woke up, feeling dazed and confused, struggling to collect her memories. She and her boyfriend had just moved into their new house, she remembered. A new house in a new town, where she’d received an offer for a fantastic new job, intellectually stimulating and full of challenges. They’d had a glass of wine to celebrate when she’d suddenly started feeling very tired… Her boyfriend had carried her to bed, and then he’d shown her something – a video, but all she could remember of it were swirling lights and strange music.

Nina slipped unsteadily out of bed, realising only then that her underwear was feeling strange, not at all like the lingerie she’d put on that morning. She shrieked in shock when she saw the crinkly disposable nappy taped around her waist, but when she tried to rip it off, she found her arms too weak and malcoordinated to be of any use. Her hands patted impotently against the sides of the infantile garment, and her fingers seemed unable to grip properly. Panic welled up inside her, but before she had time to do anything else, she heard her boyfriend’s voice.

“Looks like my baby’s woken up! Did you have a nice nap, little one?” he cooed, in the patronising tone that adults usually reserved for the smallest of children.

“What’s going on?!” Nina tried to cry, but all that came out was a babble of incomprehensible baby-talk. A bit of drool leaked down her chin, and she felt herself blushing fiercely.

“Awww, are you trying to do talkies? Babies don’t need words, sweetheart. They just screech and cry until they get what they want,” he said, and Nina felt her blood run cold despite the gentleness of his tone. Had her boyfriend done this to her? Was this some sort of joke?

“Let me explain, sweetheart. The video I made you watch was actually a tape filled with subliminal messages. It’s tricked your mind into thinking you have the strength and coordination of a two-year-old, but you’ve still got control of your body for the most part. I wanted you like this so I could explain what’s going to happen. See, the final stage of the hypnosis will lock your adult mind away as a permanent passenger inside your own body, but that will only happen once you activate the trigger – making a nice big stinky in your pants for Daddy.”

Nina desperately wanted to believe that this was just some stupid prank, but as she felt her bladder helplessly dribble into her nappy, she realised that he was being deadly serious.

“Goo goo bah gah gah pfff!” she spluttered in an attempt to confront him, to ask him why he was doing this to her, to try desperately to talk him out of it.

He just chuckled and looked at her with an indulgent smile, like she was nothing more than a silly toddler amusing him with her childish antics.

“I know you wanted to have a career like so many silly women do these days, but I’m sure you’ll be much happier as my little girl. Moving town was the perfect fresh start. None of the people in this community ever have to know that you were anything other than an oversized infant, and I can tell your parents that I found you like this when I came home from work – the pressure of your new job got to you, and caused a mental breakdown that sent their high-flying daughter back to dirty diapers. I’ve already got lots of pretty little outfits to dress you up in; no more ugly, masculine suits. You’ll look absolutely adorable in your dresses and onesies, but most of the time you’ll be running around in nothing but your nappy!”

Nina started wailing in terror, tears forming in her eyes as she imagined a future trapped inside the body of an overgrown baby, her adult mind fully conscious yet forced to experience the humiliation of behaving like a stupid toddler. For an independent woman like her, she couldn’t think of a worse fate.

“Shhh… It’s okay, little baby… Daddy’s going to take such good care of you… I promise that you’ll get used to your new life,” her boyfriend soothed, pulling her into his arms for a cuddle and stroking her hair gently. “One day it will seem impossible that you ever fed yourself, or wore grown-up clothes, or went pee-pee and poo-poo anywhere except in your nappies. Speaking of which, any second now…”

There was a sudden fullness in her bottom, and Nina felt herself bend her knees and stick out her bum. Helpless to stop herself, she clenched her fists and strained to fill her Pampers, issuing soft grunts of effort and turning her face red with a mixture of exertion and humiliation. As Nina felt the mess begin to enter her nappy, she looked up at her boyfriend pleadingly, but he simply smiled.

“Is baby making her first poo-poo? You’re Daddy’s little stinker now, aren’t you darling? And once you finish filling your britches, that’s all you’ll ever be!”

Nina let out one final horrified scream before her babyish behaviours took over, and her shrieks turned to squeals of delight as Daddy removed her bra and led her out to play in the garden, bare boobs bouncing and dirty nappy sagging between her legs.

[dynananarmy]

REPUTATION|| Min Yoongi

Summary:

You were in the top. There was no person in the world who didn't know your name, either for your success or your reputation, believing that the only thing you should do is smile, be a good girl, don't force your opinions on people, and NOT for any reason deny the dating rumors. But then a gummy smile and a sweet accent came to change all your believe system, from a friends with benefits to falling in love, you encounter a new fear: would he love you despite your reputation

Pairings: Idol!Min Yoongi(SUGA) x singer!reader   

Warnings: distorted body image and unwarranted fear of gaining weight. Unhealthy habits like starvation, underage alcohol consuption. Mild smut and age gap (Yoongi is 25 and reader is 20) but everything is consensual). If i miss something please let me know.

Gorgeous

You should take it as a compliment That I got drunk and made fun of the way you talk You should think about the consequence Of your magnetic field being a little too strong And I got a boyfriend, he's older than us He's in the club doing, I don't know what You're so cool, it makes me hate you so much

You make me so happy, it turns back to sad, yeah There's nothing I hate more than what I can't have Guess I'll just stumble on home to my cats Alone, unless you wanna come along, oh

Anxiety was a familiar feeling, a daily occurrence even before you knew how to call it. The constant fear of making the wrong move, not filling everybody's expectations. But it never gets easier, walking a red carpet was nerve wracking at 20 like it was when you were 13, but expectations were higher, every single album need it to be different, different  sound, different style, you need it to be more mature but not to sexy because then you were to provocative for kids who follow you, but not to demure because then you are a prim. And then, you were too fat, and then too skinny, or you would have the nice flat stomach that people expect but you didn't have the hourglass figure. So everything you stand in an outfit risky enough for you, you would shake like a leaf, praying that the apple and the water that you had eaten would not somehow make you look bloated. That you contour was blended, that the powder under your eyes would not flash in camera. 

You were about to promote your second single of your album, a song who was for a ex manager and ended up seeing as a call out for war for a singer whom you were friends but ended up splitting ways when she started dating an ex boyfriend, an ex boyfriend that you don't actually love but it was still awkward going out with the new girlfriend of your ex. Your team takes it as publicity, even if there was not an actual feud, good or bad, publicity is publicity, and so the music video only seems to spark even more fire. Still you invited all of your friends, friends that you met through other friends, in fashion shows or while performing in lingerie runways, the kind of friends that you partied with in your mansion in Coney Island or the one in Malibu. But that only sends a spark of worry, appearing in a music video with models with perfect bodies only makes you even more insecure about your own, and you were scared about what people would think about it.

A tug in your arm pulled you out of the dazed of the camera's flash and your thoughts, Calum King was a producer, a handsome embodiment of masculinity, a strong build body, a short beard, barely there but enough to let you know that he was a man. He was older than you by a lot, not enough to be scandalous but enough to raise a few eyebrows.

 He smile and you copied and hold his arm to the cameras, the lady assisting the red carpet gesture you to move and once you were out of the sight of the camera you let a shaky breath a pound in the head and the emptiness of your stomach make you feel dizzy and your publicist move quickly, holding a hard candy to you.

“Are you okay?” Calum asks, still holding you, you nod immediately and put the candy in your mouth.

“I´m good, the lights make me feel light headed but nothing that a little bit of sugar does´n fix” you say tasting the candy, feeling a little bit less tired, he nods but his sight was already far away from you. 

“Baby, i´m going to say hello to a few friends, I¨ll see you in our seats, okay?” He doesn't wait for an answer, his manager following behind, you let a sigh of relief, relieved that you don't have to keep pretending anymore, Calum and you met a few months ago while visiting a friend of your to the studio, a paparazzi saw you having coffee and after that you kept seeing each other, he would be your date in events and to the world, you were official, but you didn't even be intimate,barely hold hands while walking in the streets, or kiss each other more than a few pecks when winning a prize, but even that, it felt forced. Your publicist looks away from her phone to look at you and gives you an indifferent look.

“A new korean band is in here, apparently they are very famous and are contending against you for one of the awards, maybe you should go and see them so people see that you support new talents”

Curiosity sparks within you  “Korean band, is it BTS?” you asked, sipping your water you publicist arch an eyebrow

“Yes, did you know them?” she looks rarely interested, you nod reminiscing how  a few weeks ago you had stumbled on a fan edit of you and one of the members titled “1997 golden babies” seeing the dark haired boy dancing and performing with that much passion caught your attention, looking at his name and thus his group, fascinated enough that you had expend a few hour looking at the music videos and some of their performances, a bubble of excitement grew in your stomach making you feel energized again and you started to walk knowing your publicist was going to take you to them, skipping to some people you got to the corner where a group of at least 10 men stand, you immediately felt short and tiny and intimidated but you put your confident face and wait for your publicist to talk with one of the men, who yo assume was their manager, he look surprised and his gazed fall to you where you standing sandwiched between your bodyguards, he nod and went to say something to the remaining men 7 of them wipe their heads instantly to you and you smile, you make the remaining and they scatter in formation, pushing the taller men in front, he gives you a smile and flashed with a set of dimples.

“Hii, is so nice to meet you guys” You break the ice, you scanned every single one of them, from the tall broad shoulder one to Jungkook, the one of the edit and then your eyes fall to one of them, instantly draw for the way he looks at you, like he knew something your eyes goes back to the taller guy as he start to talk.

“It's so incredible to meet, we are big fans of your music” he says, you had heard that a lot but he sound genuine and the rest of the boy nodded, your eyes went back to the guy with the feline eyes and you see something that you had seen before but rarely from another artist, admiration, but also understanding, like he understanded something and he was fascinated by it. 

“Are you performing tonight?” you asked trying to shake the feeling that he was reading you like a book he understands the language. 

“Ummm, no, not tonight, hopefully someday”  he looked a little ashamed but that only made you feel more admiration for them, they are escalating little by little.

“Id watched some of your performance” a chorus of ¨whoas¨ breaks their silence and you smile wider “You would have made us look like kids beside you, you are truly amazing” you compliment, the words flooding with ease, all of them let a ¨thank you¨ and when you meet eyes with the feline eyed boy he gives you the most beautiful and shy gummy smile, something inside you felt warm and fuzzy and you enjoy it so much that you wish it never went away. Your publicist asked for a picture and you stand with them.

The flash was quick, you changed the pose and at the same time you felt a delicate brush of fingers in your back. Tingles run down your spine and your hair stands, how was it possible that a man could make you feel that way without talking, without knowing him? You didn't even know his name, or how he was, he could be an asshole. 

The camera stop flashing and the warm fingers leave your trembling body (you didn't know if it was of starvation or the adrenaline running through your veins) You look at him, the man with the gummy smile, cat-like eyes and the rose petal lips, he bow and you did the same as a reflex, that make him smile fully and the giddy, warm feeling bubble in your stomach all the way up your chest. You broke eye contact and with warm cheeks you went to hug the taller guy hugging all of them (not without almost melting in gummy smile boy, and breathing deeply his mainly citrus smell).

Your entrance was cut out by your manager, who led you backstage and you hope you bump into them, to talk to him, to hear him and let his fingers pay with your skin, but you were immediately trap in the changing room pulling other set of clothes and when you get out your publicist was waiting with a mint and a glass of ice you chew while letting the makeup artist  retouch your makeup.

You had already stood up 5 times to receive an award and Top Social Artist was the last nomination before going to change for your performance. Sitting on the front row with Calum on your side being the perfect supporting boyfriend and with Zendaya on the other side beside her a bunch of other models friends, big names in the industry who appeared in the music video that had already premiered a few awards ago. And although you should've be worried if you would win the category you were already seeing black spots, nausea and heavy eyelids accompanying, and sitting beside with the most beautiful, tallest, slimmest, women of the moment didn't make you feel better, you could barely hear anything but the sound of blood pumping through your ears but after hearing your name and the loud cheers of your fans a smile appear in your clammy face, you wonder if you could even stand to get  the award if you win, a louder cheer broke in the arena and looking to the screen you saw the south korean band announced and when it disappears it took a few seconds for the screams to stop, the announcers opened the envelope, two seconds of silence in the speakers and then...“BTS!” You jump clapping finding strength out of nowhere and with a smile you saw the band walk in front of your eyes with wide eyes, open mouth and smiles, a single hand sticking out for you and knowing who it was you brush his hand with yours. 

Then you turn back and with a bodyguard in front and another in your heels, you walk into the main stage of the arena. 

Everything was blurry, you followed the guard into the hallway and crouched to get in the elevator, holding the mic and letting your head go over the choreography. And when the voice in your in ear says “one”you feel the lift move and stand.You felt like you were going to faint, but still make your moves as smooth as possibly, it felt like forever but when you give the final move and look at the camera you give the most convincing smile ever. Wait for the count to end and the light to ade out to let your body fall to the ground. But the light did not fade, and the camera was still on you. 

The host appeared to your side to announce that your music had already broken a record and that you had won another 2 awards. You accept the award and let the host hug you and unintentionally your body stumbles, your eyes give a turn and feel almost lost conscious.“It's okay” you said to the man and pulled out with a smile, looking to the worried crowd,”It's okay” you repeat in the mic ” I very excited, to be here and to win this awards, thank you to everybody that make this possible, my fans, my family, my team, everybody that listen my music and the art i make, thank you so much, i love you” You said, making well rehearsed words leave your mouth, you leave following the lady with the awards, numb. 

The act seemed innocent and so quickly and random that nobody should have noted, but it set something, pieces clicking in place, for you felt illicit, scandalous, it ignited something that you have never let your body cave in, lust. A sin so impure that only thinking about it makes you flustered, but it only took a couple of glances, some brushes of skin and a hug for you to continue the seduction game he started. And you wanted him to win, to ditch all the circus and let him take you to the hotel, seeing him all in black contrasting with his soft creamy skin, a fallen angel.  

Wanting to feel something, did you deserve the awards? Your music had moved so much from your original goal that  you barely felt it was good. So you didn't feel proud, and you did not feel happy, or sad, or angry. You felt hungry, and tired.

 How dare he be so cool? With the glinting earrings and the necklaces and the deep voice and side smile, a dream, you never thought he was just your type. Was it possible for you to have him? A quick internet research let you know his name, his position on the group and his age, he was a little over five years older than you, younger than your “exes” but so much different, he felt real, a real man, but at the same time he was surreal, to perfect,  to gorgeous. And you wanted to know all about him.

You sit alone in the buffet of your hotel, with other people who also went to the awards, munching on a chicken salad with some delicious sauce and bread sticks and a glass of orange juice. Your orange juice, of course, was spiked with alcohol by your manager, a way to make you last giggly and awake for the rest of the night. Feeling already full with your second plate and with already a certain amount of alcohol in your system, you felt better, enough to keep looking at the table in front of you. Where 7 boy sit holding a camera laughing at one of them knocking the glass with the camera gummy smile boy who had, just like you, been looking at you smile with you and you hold the big stack of tissues at him, he walk to you and brushing fingers he take it from your hands “thanks” he said with a deep voice, one that you had already heard in his music videos but never compared to the real thing.

It took you 30 minutes to shower, dry your hair, put light makeup and a flowy black dress, that fall above your knees, do a quick google research of what to expect at losing your virginity and chugging the mini bottle of wine of your mini fridge, cleaning all of the clothes on the bed and quickly fix it. And when you thought that he wouldn't come a knock was heard. You look for the last time in the mirror and open the door.

 And he was there, his hair now completely straight  and soft looking and his face was bare, no necklace and simple cotton shirt and black cargo pants. Like he couldn't be more gorgeous.  Oh wait, he could, looking at you with the damn smile. “Hi” you said, already losing the game “Hi”, deep voice and cute accent, you can't help but giggle, boozing  alcohol in your veins.

“Please, please come in” You open the door all the way “ I´m y/n, by the way” you said and he looks at you, “I know, I´m Yoongi” he says laughing “I know” you respondHe lifted an eyebrow “you do?” he said with a smug smile, “of course i know, i'm not that  dump to hook up with a guy i don't even know the name of” you widen your eyes and blame the alcohol by your blunt remark, but feel relieved when he laughs. He let you lead the way to the living room and when he sits on the couch he notices the object on the coffee table, an unopened copy of BTS 'latest album you had.

They said goodbye and you broke contact, gulping the last of your orange juice and immediately got replaced, you looked back at your manager and publicist, talking to their manager, using the translator that look flustered, and you knew why, after yourself had talked with your manager about your request, voice confident but cheeks flushed, your manager didn't even had to approach BTS manager before he was already on his way, at that you felt a weird feeling, a territorial frown in your eyes, but you couldn't blame him. Every celebrity you have met has done this.  A simple deal, a way for celebrities to keep their affairs as private and publicly clean, both sides agreed to keep it quiet and not slip ups. When they finally look at you, turn again to him, his manager walking to him, and slipping a black plastic card. A key to the room to one of the suites. Your suite.

“I thought you could signed for me” you explained with a shy tone “I found it on the airport bookstore and since i kinda collect music album i thought it was a nice addition” 

He grabbed it “can i open it?”  he said with the cute accent, you nod excited and he carefully start to unwrap you sit by his side to get a better look, when he finished it, he looks at you

 “it has a photocard” he explains and you giggle again at the way he pronounce the last word, feeling the warm feeling in your stomach and he send your favorite smile at you.He opens the book and stop at the page with the card stuck to it “It's random so is a surprise, go, turn it around” he gesture to the book, you grab it and turn it around,

 “Oww” you let out a disappointed sound when you look at the man that clearly wasn't your Min Yoongi, he laughs and you pout “what can i do if i want one of you?” you ask with a distressed look. He dares to look flustered and he reach to his neck and the his hair, you wanted yours in its place, you licked your lips and look at lis face, “You could buy lots of album until mine come out” hmmm

“That's a good idea” his stare became intense and his eyes darken, his tongue brushed his bottom lip and someone must move forward because your lips replaced his tongue was now kissing his lips. 

Your fingers grab his shirt while his palms was cupping your cheeks, thumb brushing against it, the darkest desires in your mind, the need to be touch to be taken care of,taking his hand in yours you put it on your thigh, where your dress had lift and he complied to your silent request, pushing the fabric up and caressing your skin, but not where you need it him.

 You lean in the couch bringing him with you, but he pull from the kiss, leaving you gasping, “are you sure?” he ask, with his soft, dark eyes, lips swollen and flushed cheeks, you nod, but he shakes his head “are you sure?” he repeats, you think for a second looking at your giddy, boozy brain, “yes, i'm sure” you said with the most confident voice you could muster, he kiss you again and then its your turn to pull away from the kiss ”wait, wait, i,  i haven't, i never have i ever before, i mean, i never had done this before” you confess and he looks at you still panting, he nods, and ask again “are you sure?” and you are.

He didn't let you lay in the couch.

He let you run your fingers through his torso and take his shirt off.

You let him pull down the strips of your dress.

He let you know how much he desires you.

You let him touch for the first time against the wall, making you see stars and blow away in a climax.

He takes to the bed, carrying like you were a leaf.

You let him stole sweet moans out of your mouth

He takes it slowly, touching skin like you were fine china.

You feel like a confident woman when you whisper “you are so gorgeous, I can say anything to your face.”

He lets a deep chuckle and gives a deep thrust making you scream of pleasure.

A mix of sloppy kisses, discreet love bites, nails against skin and pasional hip thrust between the sheets you let yourself think for a second that is not a one time thing, that euphoric feeling you were experimenting and that it was the most happy you had been in years was going to finish the moment he finish panting against your neck.

You tried to not look disappointed when he stood up and walked to the bathroom, closing your eyes, letting yourself feel the remnants of your climax.

He came back a few minutes later, cleaning between your legs and leaving a soft kiss in your thigh before slipping your underwear in its place, holding you in his arms.

You cried for the first time in front of a person. 

He tells you that he knew you were hungry, he had felt it before. Not by his own choice.

You tell him about the empty feeling in your stage while on stage.

He kisses your face while rubbing circles in your back.

  When the morning sun came up you watched his sleeping figure, his back up and belly down, face facing you and his arm around you.

You mindlessly start writing invisible letters, your name. Wishing he could be more than a stranger.

He lets you a note. His number. Breakfast. And a single pink flower and a book from the souvenir store “ The meaning of flowers”

Azalea

 The azalea is the flower that ushers in springtime in the southern United States. That’s one reason it’s so closely associated with beauty and rebirth. 

These blooms are often given as a symbolic message to, “Take care of yourself,” which is an important sentiment to extend to the bereaved.

Little-Known fact:

 Azaleas are celebrated in festivals throughout the world, especially the U.S. and Asia. In Chinese culture, the azalea is known as the “thinking of home bush” and was immortalized in the poetry of a famous poet during the Tang dynasty.

HIIIIIIIIII

SO 

I FINISH THIS CHAPTER

It took years, but my mental health has been bad lately and also was hard to write the first meeting, if it look to rushed, dont worry its kinda the point, they are not in love but definetly know that they felt something. But they dont know each other,  i like to think of them as soulmates. 

We see how she was physically and mentaly hitting rock bottom and her team is not as innocent as it look.

If i was vague about everything, when the managers were talking, they were basically negociating the one night stand, that way the public wouldnt found out. A normal ocurrence in this AU.

Everything you feel courius about, please let me know.

Thank you so much for reading, i love you

[airi-p4]

Love in the sky

I wrote this for the @lovebugs-and-snakecharmers LBSC Sprint challenge - Meet cute week event and, once again, I got carried away and broke all the rules. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Prompt: Sitting next to each other on the plane.

Summary: Marinette is going to NY on an international flight for the first time. What she doesn’t know is that the one seated next to her is the popular new band Kitty Section’s guitarist: Luka Couffaine.

Thank you @livrever for checking it for me 💙

AO3

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Marinette rushed through the aisle of the plane. She couldn’t believe she almost missed it! her first international trip to the US! Stupid alarm! Of course she was tired. She was so nervous she couldn’t sleep all night… until 5AM… and the plane departed at 10AM… and obviously she had to oversleep. *sigh*

Running, tripping and spinning on her feet, she finally searched for her seat. 38B - aisle seat. Her pink polka dotted suitcase was heavy, but thanks to the cabin attendant she could finally put it inside the overhead bin, while her backpack rested under the seat in front of her. All set, she let her weight fall on the seat at last and let out a deep breath as she fastened her seatbelt.

The doors of the plane closed, and the PA message started: Welcome on board… Security instructions… Marinette wasn’t listening. Her legs were uncontrollably shaking, and her fingers were fidgeting with the laces of her hoodie.

Those nerves and stress couldn’t be healthy.

She examined her surroundings, and, next to her, someone was sleeping. Someone, who appeared to be a young man, with a sleeping eye mask and a face mask on, messy blue hair showing under a knit hat and a blanket covering his body. Overall, it didn't give much more information about her plane's seat neighbor. Not wanting to wake him up, she focused on the rest of the passengers instead. Why were all of them so quiet when she felt her heart could burst out of her chest anytime?

The plane started its runaway and Marinette closed her eyes tightly when it raised from the lane. Once in the air, she started breathing again, but her heart was still beating fast.

"First time on a plane?" a masculine voice beside her asked.

She turned to her side, and looked at the person seated next to her. His eye mask was over his head now, and she could see his blue eyes clearly, while his blue bangs partly covered his eyebrows.

“Y- yes!” she squeaked.

“You’re making me nervous too. Calm down, it’s going to be ok” he assured.

“I- I know!" She said, but her body wasn’t obeying. “I’m sorry...”

The young man sighed. “Look, I’ve been on a plane many times. It’s safe. Why don’t you try to sleep? It’s going to be a long flight.”

“I- I can’t! I’m too nervous! I’ve never traveled alone before, plus my career depends on this trip! I can’t stay calm!”

“Why don’t you try listening to some music, then? It always helps me relax” the young man offered her a sympathetic look.

“Music…?” she blinked. ‘It could work’.

She plugged the earphones and put them in her ears. Then, she scrolled through the music programs on the touch screen in front of her. Classical music? For some reason, it only made it worse. Country music? Not her style. XY? Hell, no. Her eyes stopped at the name of a fairly new band: “Kitty Section”. She played the video called: “Kitty Section's Paris Live Concert”.

“Good choice” the man next to her said when the title started showing on the screen.

Marinette had heard about the band called Kitty Section. They had featured in most of her favorite magazines after they won Eurovision several months ago, but she wasn't familiar with their music. In less than a minute, she was hooked and forgot completely about her surroundings or her nerves.

“Wow!” she mumbled, mesmerized, and the man next to her let out a snicker.

The music was amazing- the rock vibes, their stage presence, the vocalists’ cuteness and high ranged voice, the accurate and insane drums, the gorgeous purple haired bassist… all of them sounded incredible. But the guitarist… the blue haired guitarist was extraordinary- unbelievably good. Not only talented, but also powerful, charismatic and incredibly handsome.

“They’re good, huh?” The man beside her commented and she nodded. She could tell he was smiling under his face mask. She nodded in agreement.

“I had never heard them properly before but damn- they are incredible” Marinette answered, and he laughed. Her fingers tapped rhythmically, following the beat of the song.  “But…" she continued, observing. "I think they could do better. There’s a margin of improvement,” she said with judging eyes.

“Oh, really? How?” The blue-eyed man asked, curious, resting his elbow on the arm rest to get a closer look.

“The costumes,” Marinette pointed out. Then, she reached her backpack under her feet and took out a sketchbook and a pen and started drawing. “The outfits could be improved if they added this, and this” she signaled. “And this-” She kept scribbling while the blue-haired man observed and listened to her suggestions. “And ta-da! Wouldn’t they look even better if they were like this?” She proudly showed him her designs, only to realize she was being embarrassing towards a stranger. “Ah, sorry- I got carried away…” She apologized. But the man took the sketchbook in his hands.

“Let me see,” he said, and she saw how his eyes examined every detail of her drawings. She gulped nervously. It felt like her skills were being tested. But the man took his face mask off and smiled. “Wow, that’s impressive. Fresh, charismatic, unique- and perfectly according to the band's style. I love them" he returned her the sketchbook. "You’re very talented. Are you famous? Do you take commissions?” He asked, and she looked at him speechless.

“I- I’m still a no-one… Is it really impressive?” She looked at him and blushed at the compliment.

“Yes, I think so. What would you do with this outfit?” He asked, showing him a photo of the same band on his smartphone. Her inspiration overflowed as she kept drawing and explaining her ideas. They kept discussing costumes and visual aspects of the band and chatted comfortably for a long time.

"I think Rose should go with something more… daring, bolder. She looks innocent but she's fierce inside. Of course, cuteness is her main trait, so I think she should combine both" she explained, coloring her design with colored pencils. "I think something like this would be perfect for her" she showed him her sketchbook and he was impressed. “As for Juleka-” She continued, turning to a blank page. “She’s so beautiful. I wish she didn’t cover her face so much, even if the mystery look is really attractive too…" She stopped drawing for a moment to admire the bassist on the screen. "Gosh- She's so gorgeous! I wish I was that beautiful” she commented.

“I think you’re even more beautiful than her, you know?” The blue-haired man casually said, and she shyly blushed with a 'no way' frantic arms movements. “What about the guitarist?” he asked, raising an eyebrow with a smug smile.

“Luka Couffaine? OH LORD SHOW MERCY- Have you seen him? And his eyeliner? It should be ILLEGAL to be this HOT” She said, convinced.

“Hmmm… So you like him, huh?” He teased, his smile widening.

“Who doesn’t, really?” She shrugged. “He’s literally the SEXIEST man alive. His eye contact with the camera could kill! Oh, and whenever he gets shirtless on stage or photoshoots? GOD- I almost get a nosebleed EVERY FREAKING TIME! He's TOO DAMN HOT" She fanned herself at the image. "Don’t you agree?" She asked and he blinked twice. "You like him too, right? You have so many photos of them in your phone! I bet he’s making you question your sexuality too, like he does with all my friends! How could anyone resist those blue eyes and his manly features, his soft looking blue hair and- his tattoos..." She looked away from her seat neighbor's blue piercing eyes, and focused at the smartphone screen again, to a close-up photo of Kitty Section’s guitarist. "How did you get these close-up casual photos...?” she asked, and then she noticed the tattoo on his neck. She looked back and forth at the man seated next to her and the one in the picture. ‘It couldn't be, right…?’ And at that moment, when he had a knowing smile on his face- one she knew too well-, she realized who he was seated next to on the plane. Her eyes opened as big as plates and she overheated. He was smirking amusingly at her reaction. “You- You- You are-? Lu-Lu-Luk- It can’t be…”

He nodded to confirm her suspicions and her jaw fell to the floor. “Hi. I think I haven't introduced myself yet. My name is Luka. But I think you already know that. It’s nice to meet you.” He chuckled, straightening his hand for a handshake.

“Oh God, kill me now...” She mumbled, sinking on the table. Luka snickered.

“What’s your name?”

“Ma-Ma-Marinette… I mean- Marinette!” She felt his eyes on her and panicked. “Excuse me- I- I need a moment... This- This is too much- Oh My God...” She stood up and rushed to the end of the plane, not without tripping twice on her way there.

________________________

While Marinette was gone, the two ladies in front of Luka and Marinette’s seats turned to Luka. “Having fun?” They smirked, knowingly. He was chuckling, having real trouble to keep his laugh from escaping.

“Oh, God, Yes. This is so much fun." He wiped the tears that were forming on his eyes. "I think I’ve found our potential new costume designer” he continued laughing under his nose.

“Only that? I think there’s more...” Juleka smirked, and Rose giggled in agreement by her side. He couldn't deny it: his sister was totally right.

Behind Luka's seat, Kitty Section's drummer, Ivan and his girlfriend Mylene had been enjoying the show the blue-eyed pair had been giving. It was definitely more entertaining than any movie. It would have been perfect if they had popcorn to accompany their fortunate first row seats to the hilarious show. They also approved Marinette's designs.

Luka took the chance Marinette wasn't there to freely stand up, go talk to their managers and stretch his legs for a bit.

_________________________

Back at the end of the plane, Marinette drank some juice and moved to the bathroom. She was panicking in front of the mirror, talking to herself.

“OH. MY. GOD. I’m seated next to Luka Couffaine! For at least… 5 hours more!? And I just called him hot! And- And- he said I’m beautiful and talented! And- Oh my God, he asked me for commissions, right? This can’t be real- I-" her feet wiggled uncontrollably and she let out a long squeak. "Ahh… Calm down, Marinette! He’s human- A sexy human, but still human! He’s famous but very friendly, kind and nice. And fun! It’s going to be alright. Just- Avoid his eyes. That’s it. It’s dangerous. Don’t fall in love. You’re not a teenager anymore, you’re over that stage, right? Only a few hours more. You can do it. I CAN DO IT!” She convinced herself with a confident nod and returned to her seat, only to find Luka was gone.

She looked for him from her seat, at her surroundings, but he was nowhere to be found. She sighed in both relief and sadness as she seated.

For some reason, she was missing him. Which was stupid, considering they had just met! But his company was certainly enjoyable... And, moreover, it was FUN. More than she ever remembered having. And not only because she was passionate about fashion or music. It had to do with his aura, his personality, his gentle manners- just... Luka.

“Don’t worry, he’ll be back in a moment” A voice said from in front of her. “My brother is stupid, but he’s a decent person. Treat him well” The purple haired lady winked, beside a petit blond lady.

“Jul-!” She covered her mouth with her hands to stop herself from yelling her name. “And Rose-!?” 'Oh, no! They might have heard what I said too!' She panicked again and the ladies giggled amused.

“Ignore my sister and her girlfriend” Luka returned, and her face flustered when she noticed how tall and well built he was (not that she didn't know that, but it hit differently in first person). “Can I get back to my seat?” He politely asked, pointing at the window seat.

“Ah-! Yes! Of course!” She stood up so suddenly she tripped and fell on Luka’s chest. She immediately moved away in embarrassment, falling back instead, and Luka had to hold her again to avoid her imminent fall. “I’m sorry!”

“Are you ok?” He asked in concern, and she shyly nodded. Luka reluctantly let go of her and returned to his seat and Marinette settled back to hers.

Wait- Was that a blush on his face?

“Here” Luka offered her an envelope. “I don’t know what your plans in NY are but, here’s a VIP pass to our concert next Sunday. There’s also our contact card inside. I want you to consider the idea of working for us. Your costumes are impressive. We discussed it, and we want you in our team” Marinette had no words- totally speechless. Could she be this lucky? “What do you say?” Luka asked with a hopeful tender smile that made her weak.

“I- I’ll think about it. And- Oh God- I’ll totally be there for your concert” She blushed and Luka smiled kindly at her. Suddenly, she started searching inside her backpack, and took out a business card she offered him. “This is my contact. I- I have a fashion event next Monday. I would love you to come, if you can make it. Send me an email and I’ll get you some passes”

“Wow! That's impressive. I'll try to make it. Thank you, Marinette”

Marinette could hear her heart beating faster. No looking in his eyes, dammit. They kept talking for a while, enjoying their time together until they fell asleep out of exhaustion, Marinette’s head resting on Luka’s shoulder. He woke up earlier than her, but didn’t have the heart to wake her up until lunchtime. She looked like she really needed that rest.

When he left half of his lunch untouched, Marinette scolded him. “You have to eat! You’re too thin! Those abs and arms need consistency! Proteins!” She pointed at a photo of him shirtless and flustered again in embarrassment in realization. “Ah-”

Gosh- it really was fun, Luka thought, chucking. It was hard not to laugh out loud. Everything flowed so naturally it was unbelievable.

Damn. He didn’t want the plane to ever land.

“Marinette” he called, during their coffee time, and she looked back at him, redness still on her cheeks. “The plane will land soon but- Even if you don’t accept our offer… Is it possible for us to meet again? Out of business? Like this?”

Marinette flustered at his implications. “Do- Do you mean-?”

“A date. Would you go on a date with me, Marinette? Or just as friends, if you prefer. I like you, and I don’t think I’ve ever had this much fun with anyone else” He took Marinette’s pen and one of his ‘Kitty Section’ contact cards and wrote something behind it. “These are my personal telephone number and email. We'll be in NY until Friday next week. It would make me very happy if you contact me, whenever you prefer, anytime” He said, securing the card in her hands.

Marinette blushed, looked at the card with glowing eyes, and then at his honest loving stare. Was it even possible that the man everyone was gushing about was asking her out? But this had nothing to do with his stage persona. Luka was someone she more than enjoyed spending time with. Naturally, quietly, assuring… She had no doubts about her answer.  

“I want to meet you again, too” she stated, and wrote her personal number under his wristband. “I’m free on Wednesday” she shyly smiled, and his smile widened.

“Wednesday is it, then. I'll manage to find the time. Just for you." He smiled happily and only then she realized how deep she had fallen.

Ah- she hadn't wanted to fall in love. What a way to fail her own determination… But she couldn't complain, not at all.

And he felt the same way.

Luka and Marinette's hands locked together, and they lost themselves in each other’s eyes, smiling at each other.

“Why don’t you kiss her already, dumbass?” Juleka called, and Marinette blushed. “He won’t kiss you if you don’t give him proper permission, you know? He’s very considerate despite his looks. Tell him already”

“Jules… Why don’t you mind your business and make out with Rose instead?” He shushed his sister and Rose giggled, embracing Juleka. Luka returned his attention to Marinette. “Sorry about that”

“It’s ok… I-” She started, looking at his thin lips. “Will you kiss me if I want to? Because I think I do...”

“You do?” he asked, and she shyly nodded and he smiled softly, making her heart flutter.

She closed her eyes and he leaned closer to give her a sweet kiss on her cheek. She pouted a little, in disappointment, but he told her that, if she really wanted to kiss him, that would be the perfect excuse to meet him again and make it more special, like a beautiful lady like her deserved. Marinette understood his reasoning and agreed with it, despite the slight disappointment she felt she would have to wait a few days to get the chance to kiss him. Nevertheless, both of them happily smiled while their fingers remained interlaced, chatting and enjoying their time together the rest of the flight, until the plane landed and they had to unavoidably say their farewells.

“Thank you for everything, Luka. I forgot how scared I was of planes thanks to you and- I’ll see you soon?”

“I really hope so. I still owe you something, right?" He winked and she blushed happily. Luka gave her a final discreet and quick kiss on her knuckles. "Gosh- I miss you already...” He added, and Marinette felt the urge to cry. She dropped her bag to hold him in a needed embrace. He gladly reciprocated her gesture. Despite neither wanting to separate, they forced themselves to. "I hope I see you soon, Marinette"

"Me too, Luka…" she wiped her tears and waved, as the band started walking away.

When the arrivals doors opened and all the camera flashes blinded her, she understood why Kitty Section members always wore sunglasses in airports. They were more popular than she could have expected. She understood why he had refused to kiss her outside of the plane, but he still saluted her before disappearing in the multitude of fans and paparazzis.

On the other side, Sabrina, Audrey Bourgeois’ assistant, waited for her. She had almost forgotten about her own business. But now, she found the motivation she had lacked. If she was willing to be with Luka, she had to become the best. She wanted to make a name of herself, more than ever. And her meeting with Luka certainly boosted her confidence.

Unexpectedly, her trip to NY had already become one of her most memorable experiences yet. And it had just started! She couldn't wait to spend the rest of the week in the city.

[putschki1969]

LISANI! WEB Interview - H-el-ical// talks about her new single “The Sacred Torch”

Source: https://www.lisani.jp/0000187034/?show_more=1

Highlights:

As is always the case with tie-ups, she didn’t have much of a say in the production music-wise. The creators of the anime and Gushimiyagi got together to come up with the music for the song. Later on, Hikaru was sent a TV-sized version to add her lyrics. In preparation for her writing, she read the light novel on which the anime is based on. When Hikaru first got to listen to the melody she immediately felt that it conveyed the exotic and fantastical elements that were already present in the original work

Hikaru loves “The Faraway Paladin” because even though it is obviously a work in the fantasy genre, all the characters are very straight-forward, they all live their lives following principles and that’s something you can easily apply to your real life. The way the characterts are handling problems and overcoming hurdles is very impressive and inspiring.

Unlike “Altern-ate-” and “disclose”, “The Sacred Torch” is very much rooted in reality so there are not as many fantastical elements to be found in the lyrics. It’s probably her most relatable anime tie-in so far because you can easily apply all of it to your own life. Also, you probably don’t have to know anything about the anime to understand them.

The lyrics are written in such a way that you don’t really know from whose POV they are. At first glance it appears to be the protagonist’s POV but if you take a closer look, the perspectives of other characters are also included. Hikaru tried to keep a consistent flow but viewers of the anime might be able to detect notions of their favourite characters.

There are many parts in the lyrics that emphasise “life” and “living”. The interviewer also points out the unique reading of the word “light” in the very first line: 道行きを照らす光(ルーメン) / Michiyuki wo terasu rūmen (A light illuminates the road). Hikaru decided to read the kanji for “light” as “Lumen” which is Latin for “light”. She wanted something that would draw the attention of listeners.

The second part of the song is quite tricky to sing because there is not much room to breathe. Hikaru really wanted her lyrics to be the focus.

She shares that sometimes it can be difficult to hold back your own passion when singing an anisong. When you love anime as much as Hikaru, you cannot help but put too much of yourself into the singing but of course that’s not always possible because first and foremost, the song needs to align with the vision of the anime. Also, in some cases, she sometimes feels like despite her many years of experience in Kalafina she lacks the necessary skills to do justice to the work.

As for the B-Side “Determination”, Hikaru discussed with Gushimiyagi that she wanted to do something completely different with this song. Right now, Gushimiyagi is in charge of doing the score for another anime so Hikaru thought it might be interesting to make a song that kinda sounds like it could be used as a score for a specific scene or as the background music for a play. As Hikaru has already mentioned in her video from a couple of days ago, the melody is completely different in the first and second half of the song with the chorus being the only consistent part. The first half is dark and masculine whereas the second half is bright and feminine. During the final portion of the song, all those elements come together and it feels like two people are singing. Hikaru chose the title “Determination” because both her characters in the song are very determined and make decisions on how to proceed with their relationship. As a result of the changes in tone, Hikaru’s singing is also quite different throughout the song. First she uses a thick and deep voice and then later she switches to a higher, more gentle singing style. The last chorus sounds quite powerful because she was trying to make it sound like a duet.

Initially Hikaru didn’t want to write lyrics for ALL of her songs because she was a little hesitant. But somehow she ended up writing everything so far. When she was younger, she wasn’t really very confident in her writing skills and it was actually her mother who encouraged her to start writing lyrics. So even before the H-el-ical// project she had written quite a lot of stuff but always kept it to herself.

More JUST DO IT visuals revealed!

Hikaru’s 3rd single “The Sacred Torch” is already available in stores in advance of tomorrow’s official release. However, seems like some Animate stores are giving out the wrong tokutens. Check out this tweet (pic above) by a fan sharing a picture of the 2L size bromide with printed autograph and comment that comes as a present alongside the LE of the CD. This is obviously a promotional image for “JUST DO IT” as seen here. I guess the postponement of the anime release really screwed up their schedule. They had obviously already prepared everything for “JUST DO IT” and then had to change it all to “The Sacred Torch” at very short notice. Probably also explains why the tokuten images were revealed just a couple of days before the CD release. Hikaru’s poor management must have been in such a rush to get everything done in time. Anyways, I am really loving the visuals and cannot wait for JUST DO IT to be released. Also, I hope this was just a fluke and Animate stores will hand out the correct tokuten from now on.

[mrsfrecklesmarauders]

Dead Inside.

This is sort of like a Music Video of the song Death Inside by Younger Hunger, which in my mind, describes Remus pretty well.

And all of this is part of my Fanfic: Yes, I am changing in Ao3 by potterhead_fic. I uploaded this chapter today.

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Remus as a kid aspired to be like those male heroes in movies and books. Like Hercules. Disney Hercules. Remus at the age of six, couldn’t pinpoint why he would watch that movie over and over again. But there he was, way before he knew he was trans, way before he called himself Remus. Way before he learned how to read or write. All Remus knew was that he wanted to be just like Hercules. The confidence, the muscles, the heroism, the deep voice, the way he was handsome even though he was a cartoon, his masculinity. 

Six-year-old Remus began to sing to the screen, as Hercules talked and grinned during his scenes.

Hey pretty baby with the sun in your eye

You make feel like I'm up in the sky

I wanna tell you, wanna make you mine

Ooo-oh-oh heeyeeyeye

As Remus grew older, he got immersed in the real stories from ancient greece. Mythology, Greek gods, Greek demigod heroes. Remus would consume those books fast. And when he finished with one, he craved another. And there was a feeling there. Something strange. Something weird. He read about female characters, what he was supposed to be when he grew up. And even though they were powerful and cool, Remus didn’t want that. He wanted to grow up into a man. He knew it was not possible. But he wished, he wished, he wished. 

So Remus in his desperation did things to be like those male characters, like cut his hair in the loo, on his own when he was ten years old. And so he sang the next part of the lyrics as he did so, staring at his girl reflection in the mirror. 

I'm all talk with a thorn in my side

Remus hated the Hello Kitty/Minnie t-shirts that his father brought to him. Instead, he sang as he grabbed one of his father’s large sweaters which smelled like male cologne, and Remus put it on. 

I've got a real big heart

That I'm willing to hide

Remus also changed his name. He corrected his parents when they called him Rosie, or used the pronouns she/her with him. And Remus sang as he stared at his parents discussing his mental state and his identity, discussing if he had become insane or not.

You ask me what I want from life

I said to make a lot of money

And feel dead inside

But the problems began when Remus hit puberty. Remus' breasts weren't that big, but Remus used bandages to hide them. Sometimes he binded them too hard. He hated his body. He felt trapped in a body that wasn't meant for him. Like a freak. Remus got his first period at fourteen. He had cried watching the blood in the sheets. The boys didn't understand. Remus hid the sheets and ran to the Hospital Wing. 

(Make a lot of money and feel dead inside)

(Make a lot of money and feel dead inside)

Around the same time that Remus was going into puberty, he was also full of hormones. Teenage hormones. And it became a nightmare when Remus had his first crush with his best friend, Sirius. It was so paradoxical how much Remus wanted to do things with Sirius at the age of sixteen, but he didn’t want to at the same time. Because Remus hated his body. Stupid dysphoria. Stupid dysphoria. Stupid dysphoria.

Remus began singing as he observed his shirtless cis friends having a pillow fight, wishing to be like them, wishing to have their cis male bodies.

Hey pretty baby, can you feel that heat?

You got me twitching to the edge of my seat

I take your hand, lead you out to the street

Ooo-oh-oh heeyeeyeye

Seventeen year old Remus had been through testosterone, deepening his voice, and making his features look more masculine but it wasn’t enough. Because the freaking dysphoria was still there.

July: Grant's hands traveled inside Remus' shirt, touching his stomach and sending shivers down his spine. Remus didn't want Grant to touch his binder. And then Remus remembered how his body looked. And how probably Grant would freak out. Because he had shagged boys. Real boys. With flat chests and cocks. Remus was not like that.  But Remus stopped him as it traveled up, and he sang again.

To tell you that

Your golden hair and pale blue eyelids

September: Remus liked the sensation of kissing Emmeline. Remus liked the way her warm body was moving on top of him. Bloody hormones. Remus would’ve shagged Emmeline if he was a cis boy, if he didn’t have dysphoria, or issues with his body. But he had those things. So when Emmeline tried to get his sweater and shirt off, he panicked. And when Emmeline tried to reach down his trousers, he stopped her, singing again.

Make me feel like I might go wild

October: Remus found himself doing the same thing he used to do with Emmeline. Remus avoided  taking off his clothes at all costs. Yes, the difference was that Sirius knew Remus was trans. But that didn’t mean Remus felt ashamed of his feminine body. So it was Sirius who usually received the pleasure. As Remus stopped Sirius this time, Sirius snorted, as if thinking he was adorable. Sirius’ head lay on Remus’ chest, and Remus hugged him as he sang again.

Cheetah print makes me a liar

So I tell you I just like you for your smile

The boobs shaped box. A stupid gift from one of Peter’s mum’s boyfriends. But it was worth something. The Marauders had collaborated to get Remus money for his top surgery, basically to chop off his chest, his titties… James sold things he didn’t use, expensive presents he didn’t like or he already had. Peter sold his pastries and cookies, and they were a success. And Sirius sold his drawings, his gorgeous drawings for presents on Valentine’s day or Christmas. That was the little collaboration, actually a big collaboration that Remus’ friends did for him. 

I’m all talk with a thorn in my side

I've got a real big heart

That I'm willing to hide

You ask me what I want from life

I said to make a lot of money

And feel dead inside

But the money wasn’t enough. And Remus had to wait to be eighteen, because there was no way in hell that Lyall would sign a permission form to help Remus get it sooner. Remus shouted these lyrics to Lyall, right before he escaped, cried in the street and met Grant. 

You ask me what I want from life

I said to make a lot of money

And feel dead inside

Now in the present, Remus is sad and dysphoric. He is without Sirius, even though he loves him. He is without Grant, even though he misses him. Remus stares into his reflection. He is shirtless but with his binder on. In the reflection you can clearly see how skinny Remus is. Remus has scars on his back, and on his ribs. Remus sings the next part of the song as he turns and doesn’t like what he sees. A single tear runs down Remus’ cheek.

I'm all talk with a thorn in my side

I've got a real big heart

That I'm willing to hide

You ask me what do I think of life?

I said baby not much, I wanna die

Remus breaks down into tears as the music continues. Remus yells silently, hugging himself and crumbling to the floor. Dysphoria is a bitch. Depression is a bitch. Everything that Remus had lived takes him to this moment. He feels that Sirius doesn’t want him because he is embarrassed of him. He feels like Snape has some sort of power over him. Remus feels like everyone is judging him again, like he used to think back when he was fourteen and his dysphoria was worse. Remus doesn’t have the Marauders. Remus doesn’t have the Marauders. And he had been having nightmares again.

I'm all talk with a thorn in my side

I've got a real big heart

That I’m willing to hide

Remus starts messing the room out of fury, tossing everything he finds to the ground, breaking things, yelling at the top of his lungs. He is still shirtless, he is still shaking, he is still crying. 

You ask me what I want from life

I said to make a lot of money

And feel dead inside

As the song ends, we realize that Remus didn’t destroy the room. It was all in this imagination. He is actually in his bed, hugging his knees, dressed, but sad. And that’s when he sings the last part of the song. 

Make a lot of money and feel dead inside

Make a lot of money and feel dead inside

[kingstylesdaily]

The Pure Joy of Harry Styles Got Me Through 2020

BY MICHELLE RUIZ

Some people turned to controlled substances, tie-dye matching sets, or the ubiquitous sourdough, but it was Harry Styles in a Gucci chick egg sweater, crooning about oral pleasure on NPR's Tiny Desk Concert series, that got me though some of the gloomiest days of 2020.

Shot in pre-pandemic February, the dreamy acoustic set, including riffs on the smash singles "Watermelon Sugar" and "Adore You," is a 16-minute serotonin rush: Styles, in his gravelly tenor, singing that he'd walk through fire for you; Styles, with his perfect, princely hair and rugged stubble, dancing on a swiveling office chair. It's unbearably charming, sensual, and fundamentally joyful; the 26-year-old Brit feel like a burst of confetti in a relentlessly terrible year.

Styles's sophomore solo album, Fine Line, was released at the tail end of 2019, but it fully bloomed in 2020: "Watermelon Sugar," his first number-one solo single in the U.S., was the undisputed earworm of summer; "Adore You" was the second most-listened-to song of the year, according to Variety, which named Styles Hitmaker of the Year. It's no coincidence that Fine Line was streamed more than 1 billion times in the throes of a global, deadly pandemic: "It's an album full of uptempo, unabashedly fun bops," Tia Williams, beauty writer, author of the forthcoming novel Seven Days in June, and avowed Styles fan, told Vogue. "'Watermelon Sugar,' 'Adore You,' and 'Sunflower' are like rays of light beaming on Laurel Canyon."

Styles's shiny, happy, summer-of-love aura provided a desperately-needed antidote to 2020: The "Watermelon Sugar" video, dropped in May, was "dedicated to touching," a technicolor, quasi-orgy on the beach that both made me long for the innocence of the Before Times, but also felt—for three minutes, anyway—like an escape from the horrors of the news cycle.

"2020 has been such a terrifying year," Williams said, but the cheeky world of "Watermelon Sugar" "can't help but take you away from our grim reality." Tyler McCall, editor-in-chief of Fashionista.com, has been "listening to Fine Line on repeat just to get through the year," she told me. "I think it's impossible to be in a bad mood when you're listening to 'Golden.'" (It must be noted, too, that album's breakup suite of songs, like "Cherry," spoke to the forlorn, aching nature of the pandemic.)

McCall and Williams both took a shine to Styles during the One Direction era, with Williams citing his "ethereal beauty, tats, and 70's rock-style songs." I made the grave mistake of overlooking Styles in his 1D infancy, shrugging him off as just another basic, beanie-clad boy band member. But I learned this year that he's a sex god like Jagger, a showman like Elton and a boundary-pusher in the grand tradition of Bowie, with his own personal ethos of inclusivity and sweetness. The 11th track on Fine Line—the retro-groovy "Treat People with Kindness"—is also a Styles mantra, splashed on official merch and backed up by vocal support of the LGBTQ+ community, a pledge to back Black Lives Matter, the legendary act of feeding a fan's fish after taking temporary shelter when his car broke down in October and not speaking ill of his exes, even on Howard Stern. “I just don’t think you need to be a dick to be a good artist," Styles told The Guardian last year.

"He makes niceness chic," Williams said, choosing an "un-edgy, totally earnest mantra" despite his rock star bonafides. "Harry Styles is the heart-eyes emoji, sprung to life." (At first, Williams says she felt peculiar fangirling a former boy-bander as a 40-something Black mom. "I wondered if I was having a midlife crisis," she told me, "but then, I was introduced to actress/producer/novelist Robinne Lee, whose brilliant novel The Idea of You, was inspired by him, and who is, herself, a 40-something Black mom, and I was like, 'Yes, I've found my people.'")

Style's beautiful soul is just one reason why I stand by my own budding fandom, even as I'm mocked by certain family members and even my six-year-old daughter for requesting t-shirts from his official store as my only Christmas gift, or vaulting myself down the Harry YouTube rabbit hole (please seek out his duet with Lizzo on "Juice" at her Miami show at the Fillmore back in January, another world ago). But it's not just that he reads Alain de Botton, writes his own music, wears insane sweaters and has a cosmic connection with Stevie Nicks. Styles also strikes me as a man uniquely suited to the moment.

In an era of grotesque, Trump-fueled toxic masculinity, the sexiest thing about Styles is that he's comfortable in his femininity. What began with his sheer blouse and single drop-earring at the 2019 Met Gala flourished in 2020 with a spate of traditionally femme fashion, including fishnets, a signature pearl necklace and a Gucci dress, as the first male to ever appear on the cover of Vogue.

Tyler Mitchell's Vogue shoot "felt significant because it's still so rare to see male celebrities challenge conventional ideals of masculinity," Liz Plank, author of For the Love of Men, told Vogue. "We still live in a culture that encourages us to protect girls from gendered expectations and stereotypes, but that gets very uncomfortable when we suggest doing the same for boys."

The way Styles dresses, the fact that he paints his nails and wears stacked heels beneath his sailor pants, continually prompts speculation about sexuality, and I can't help but notice that this doesn't trigger him, or elicit passionate defenses or assertions that he is not gay. When The Guardian asked if he'd ever been asked if he is bisexual, Styles replied, “It’s just: who cares?" He denies he's “sprinkling in nuggets of sexual ambiguity to try and be more interesting," as he puts it. "I want things to look a certain way. Not because it makes me look gay, or it makes me look straight, or it makes me look bisexual, but because I think it looks cool... I just think sexuality’s something that’s fun."

Styles's splendor-in-the-grass moment in Vogue sparked now-infamous backlash from conservative talking head Candace Owens, who whined: "Bring back manly men." That reaction "is proof that women can be just as sexist and drunk on the patriarchal kool-aid as men," Plank said, adding that the right-wing is creating a "moral masculinity panic, this idea that men are under attack by feminism." Plank credits Styles, but also notes that "there's a courageous pack of masculinity-bending, often LGBTQ or gender non-binary men, who have been rocking these same looks for decades getting punished for it, rather than celebrated for it."

Styles has become a fashion influencer for folks across the gender spectrum, including McCall, who now feels inspired to wear her grandmother's pearls "without seeming prim and uptight," and Ryan Kazmarek, a Harry devotee and stylist at IGK Soho in New York who is still mourning the fact that coronavirus thwarted his plan to fly to Styles's now-postponed Manchester, United Kingdom shows with his boyfriend, William. Styles's fearlessness "has opened my eyes," Kazmarek told me. "I have recently been like, 'Okay, I'm going to check the women's section.'"

For his next act, Styles, who had a small but memorable role as a British soldier Christopher Nolan's Dunkirk, will star in Olivia Wilde's forthcoming psychological-horror film, Don't Worry, Darling—and the photos of a dapper, suited Styles on the set has already overwhelmed Harries. "I don't even like horror movies—they literally give me nightmares—and still I am mentally handing my money over to Olivia Wilde," McCall said.

via vogue.com

[edendaphne]

“Discordant Sonata” Chapter 16

New chapter of "Discordant Sonata"! (Feat. adorable art by @corgi-likes-chat​!) Here’s a cropped preview:

>>Read it here on Ao3<< >>Read it here on Wattpad<<

-------------------

CHAPTER 16: LEGATO

Legato: “tied together”; indicates that musical notes are to be connected, so they are played (or sung) smoothly

(Mood Music: Mamma Mia (Swing version) - Opa Tsupa)

[One month later]

“Alright, I’m gonna take the side door and rush upstairs to steal the elven artifact. You got these guys?”

Chat rubbed his hands together, then picked up his controller, adjusting his grip. “Oh baby, I'm itching to try out this new greatsword.”

Marinette nudged him with her elbow. “Don’t aggro too many mobs. Space ‘em out.”

“Did you forget I can stun?" he poked her back.

"No, but you often do,” she quipped. “One sec, buff refresh."

"Ouch, my masculinity! Too bad your regen got nerfed with the last patch.”

"I’ll manage; I bought some extra potions.” She shrugged. “Remember not to blow your rage too early this time. We don't want to pull out prematurely!"

Chat gave her an incredulous look, as if she’d grown a second head.

Marinette winked at him. "I've just seen how you handle that greatsword of yours."

Chat howled with laughter. “Double dagger spec? More like double entendre spec!” He squeezed her shoulder. "You've come so far.”

“Oh, I’ve still got a few tricks up my sleeve,” she replied.

He sniffled and dramatically wiped away a fake tear. “I'm so proud of you."

Marinette giggled and settled herself into a comfortable position, crossing her legs on the floor. Her fingers gripped her controller tightly in anticipation. “Alright, Minou. It’s go time.”

---

Several tense minutes of yelling and frantic button-mashing later, Chat wailed in agony as he plopped backwards, “NOOOO!!! We were so close!!”

Marinette turned around, frowning. “Dude! Why’d you have to go off on your own into that side corridor?! You should’ve known it would be full of stealth enemies!”

Chat’s arms flapped around as he sputtered incredulously. “Y’know what?? We shouldn’t even be here! You’re the one who wanted to two-man a four-person dungeon!”

“We would’ve succeeded if only you’d stuck to the plan, Mr. Curious Cat!”

Chat paused to shoot her a petulant glare. “Well, I guess that means you won’t be needing this epic leather armor you’ve totally been looking for all week, that I just happened to loot from said forbidden corridor! I bet it’ll fetch a high price at the auction house!”

Marinette let out an offended gasp. “You wouldn’t dare!”

“Wouldn’t I?”

“Give it!!” she yelped as she reached across for his controller.

“Nuh-uh! Nope, too late! You should’ve been nicer to me when you had the chance!” He clambered away, but she chased after him.

“Get back here!” she cried, catching him by the waist.

Chat continued to taunt her, holding the controller up high. “Gee, I wonder what kind of trinket I could buy with all the gold I get for this,” he remarked, tapping his finger against his chin.

Marinette grabbed one of the throw pillows from the chaise and thwacked it against him.

“I’m gonna tell Ladybug about your evil deeds!” she threatened.

Chat grabbed another pillow with his free arm and swatted her back with a laugh. “She won’t believe you! I’m her beloved partner, after all!”

“Wanna bet?”

Before he could reply, Marinette tackled him to the ground, grabbing at his belt to hold him in place. She reached for the controller, but his arm was still too long. She adjusted her grip at his side to reposition herself.

Chat squirmed at her touch and yelped, “ACK!! That tickles!”

Marinette’s eyes widened and she looked up at him, a devilish smirk slowly slithering across her face. She crawled on top of him, securing her legs on either side of his hips. And with that, her fingers went to work, mercilessly tickling his ribs and obliques.

Chat screeched and wiggled, desperately trying to scoot away from but failing every time.

“Surrender!” she commanded, continuing her onslaught.

He answered rebelliously between cackles, “Never! But I may scream.”

He thrashed and tried to squirm away, but she had him right where she wanted him. Chat laughed so hard that his eyes began to water, and he begged for mercy in between belly laughs.

Finally sensing her opening, Marinette got ahold of the controller, yanking it away from his lowered arm.

“AHA!” she cried, lifting her arm triumphantly.

Chat’s eyes grew wide and his mouth twisted into an indignant pout, then he used his enhanced strength to lift his hips off the ground, reversing their position so she was the one being pinned.

Marinette gasped in horror and outrage. “CHEATER!! You’re using your super strength!”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, I’m always this strong,” he quipped back, flexing his arm dramatically. He adjusted his position on top and tried plucking the controller away from her.

Despite being a bit disoriented now that she was on the bottom, Marinette maintained a death grip on the controller.

Chat grabbed her wrists and pinned them over her head and she grunted as she struggled. “Oh, how the tables have turned,” he purred as he trapped them both under a single hand. His other hand trailed down to her waist, poking experimentally, then extending his claws from his fingertips to amplify the sensation.

Marinette writhed and wriggled under his touch, shrieking and giggling uncontrollably.

“Do you yield?” he demanded impishly as he stared down at her flushed face a mere few inches away.

“NEVER!!” she replied tenaciously, defiantly puffing out her chest, as if straightening out her posture would somehow intimidate him, or grant her extra resilience.

“You are soooooo stubborn, Ma Minette,” he chided playfully, squeezing her sides hard and making her squeal some more. Marinette twisted and kicked vigorously, trying to escape, but to no avail.

Their antics were interrupted by a descending musical chime and agonized screams erupting from the laptop screen, which was propped on top of Marinette’s antique chest for easier viewing. The pair stopped, their heads whipping towards the source of the sound.

Their respawned characters had died while they were occupied with their tickle fight.

The pair looked back at each other, then busted into hysterical guffaws.

As they laughed and panted, Chat couldn’t help but notice the way Marinette looked with her long dark hair fanned out on the ground, her tiny freckles more prominent against her reddened cheeks. She really had become quite a stunning young woman after all these years. Despite spending their teenage years together, his attention had always been elsewhere, and he’d never really paid attention to how different she looked now, versus when they first met.

She seemed to notice him staring and smiled, and the rosiness of her cheeks seemed to intensify. Probably from the exertion, he figured. And yet, he couldn’t help but feel his own face beginning to feel hot under her gaze.

She looked like she was about to say something, but as she opened her mouth, a new sound blasted across the room; it was Marinette’s mobile phone.

He felt her twitch underneath him, and for the first time, they both realized the position they’d put themselves in. Anyone who walked in on them at this moment would surely have... questions.

Face feeling red hot at this point, Chat released Marinette’s wrists and got off of her so she could get up and check her phone. Giving him one last cheeky smirk, she stood up to see what the commotion was all about.

She gasped as she checked the screen. “Oh my goodness! I’d totally forgotten, I have a study group in fifteen minutes! I have to get ready!” She turned off the alarm and pocketed her phone, then scrambled to her desk to get her school materials prepped.

Chat’s ears twitched in response. “Oh! It totally slipped my mind as well. Good thing you set a calendar alarm. Otherwise, your classmates would’ve walked in to Chat Noir just casually playing video games at your house.”

Marinette darted to her full-length mirror to look herself over, then dashed over to her vanity to grab her hairbrush.

“Do I look alright?” she asked as she fixed her hair.

“My darling, you look positively radiant,” Chat replied theatrically, taking a seat on the chaise.

“Is my outfit okay?” she continued harriedly. “Should I change? Is my shirt wrinkled? Do these shorts make me look short? Is my hair sticking up in the back?”

Chat grinned at how flustered she was. “Helen of Troy would pale next to your indescribable magnificence, Mademoiselle.”

“Chat,” she jokingly reprimanded, but failed at containing an upwards twitch of her lips.

He shrugged feebly. “You look totally fine. But why? It’s just your classmates.”

Marinette hesitated. “Well… Just… no reason!”

She received a skeptical eyebrow in reply. He knew her better than that (not that she was very good at hiding her feelings in the first place). Giving up any further pretense, her posture drooped in response.

“Alright, alright, the truth,” she conceded with a resigned sigh.

Chat leaned forward imperceptibly, raising his eyebrows in silent query.

“My old crush is gonna be there–”

Chat gasped loudly despite himself.

“–And I wanna look nice!” she continued. “But not like, sizzling ‘I’m tryin’ to steal you from your girlfriend’ kinda hot, ya know? I’m just trying to get past him. I wanna move on. I wanna prove to myself that I’m doing okay. He's still one of my best friends. I need to show that I'm happy for him.” Then she added with a weak smile, “Plus, Alya knows what my wrestle-hair looks like, so I'd have to answer some awkward questions if I don’t look at least somewhat put together.”

Chat closed his mouth, which he hadn’t realized was in “fish gape” mode until just then. He looked down towards the floor, now understanding why she would feel so apprehensive.

Marinette was doing her best. He felt his heart swell with affection and sympathy. He had to help somehow; he always tried to be a source of extra confidence whenever she needed to face challenges. It was the least he could do for her.

Chat stood up, cleared his throat and approached her desk, swishing his tail back and forth as he pondered her words.

“I know exactly what you need,” he offered with an air of authority.

Marinette quirked an eyebrow. “You do?”

He retrieved something from her vanity and, with a flourish, he presented a tube of shiny pink lip gloss. “Ta-da! For the ‘I still look cuter than everyone in the room without even trying’ look.”

Marinette accepted the tube of lip gloss, and she couldn’t help but giggle at his sweetness and sincerity. “Sounds good to me! Thanks!” As she looked into the mirror and applied the lip gloss, she continued, “Sorry to kick you out of the house. Are you sure you’ll be okay?”

Chat waved it off. “Of course, don’t worry! I have somewhere I need to be this afternoon anyway, so take your time.”

“Alright. I’ll text you when we’re done, but it shouldn’t take longer than a couple of hours.”

“Okey dokey!” He stood behind her and gave her a quick parting squeeze, then walked over to the floor hatch to exit her room, giving her one last wave. “Later, Maribug!”

Marinette smiled after him as he descended the stairs, amused as always at his unintentionally accurate nickname. If only she could tell him.

Someday, she told herself. Someday there will be no more secrets.

She dearly hoped that that day could come soon.

-----

(Mood Music: You Don't See Me - Safetysuit)

A short while later, Nino and Alya arrived together at the Dupain-Cheng residence. At the door, Marinette greeted them with a smile and invited them inside.

From across the street, a certain tall, blonde, bespectacled figure peeked from behind a tree, deciding to wait a few minutes before making his own entrance.

“It looks like your girlfriend was able to tame her Wrestlemania hair after all,” Plagg whispered from inside Adrien’s pocket.

Adrien poked him gently with his finger. “Hush, she’s not my girlfriend,” he admonished.

“Oh that’s right, I forgot,” Plagg replied. “You already have a secret girlfriend, according to everyone’s favorite international celebrity, Lila Rossi.”

He rolled his eyes. “Ladybug’s not my girlfriend either,” he corrected him again.

Plagg poked him back. “And how did you know I meant Ladybug?”

“W-well, I-I just…” Adrien stammered, his body growing hot in spite of the crisp autumn weather. “It was implied. Anyway, we’re not in a relationship.”

“Not yet, you mean?” Plagg inquired with a quirked brow.

“Plagg! That’s not– I mean… not that I’d mind –AUGH, wait! That’s not what I meant to say!!” he whisper-shrieked as an even more intense wave of heat traveled down his torso. “Let’s just go. I can’t spend a bunch of time trying to figure out what kind of relationship we have, or we’ll be late.”

“You could always ask her tonight during patrol,” Plagg suggested with an eyebrow waggle. “Unless your mouths find something more ‘fun’ to do instead.”

Adrien let out a choked whine, covering his face with his hands. Instead of answering, he scurried down the sidewalk, trying his hardest to ignore the muffled cackles emerging from his clothes.

He rang the doorbell and waited. A few moments passed and the door opened to reveal Alya, who greeted him with a smile.

“Hey, buddy! Glad you could make it! Come on in!”

She led him upstairs to the family room, where everyone’s study materials and textbooks were already spread out onto the dining table.

“Hi, Adrien!” Marinette called from the kitchen area as they walked past. “Make yourself comfortable, I’m just getting us some refreshments.”

Adrien greeted her back, making sure to compliment how pretty she looked today (to which she replied with a small “EEP!!” and a flustered, stuttered, “Thank you”) then he walked over to join Nino.

“Dude! Long time no see!” he said excitedly, standing up to welcome him and give him a tight hug.

Adrien chuckled as he squeezed back. “I know, right? It’s been almost twenty-four hours! I was starting to go through best bro withdrawals!” He set his backpack down and began laying out his own notes and textbooks.

A few minutes passed as they chatted and got situated, but Adrien couldn’t quite focus on the conversation. He was too busy casting (apparently not so furtive) glances towards the door, curiously awaiting whoever else would be attending their study group.

Sensing his restlessness, Nino asked, “Hey bro, you looking for something?”

Adrien shrugged. “Oh, I was just wondering–”

A loud clatter of pots and pans interrupted their conversation, punctuated by a loud “EEEEEK!!”, and the group’s heads whipped towards the kitchen in alarm.

“Marinette?” Alya asked, a worried crinkle appearing between her eyebrows.

“I’m okay!!” Marinette cried from within. “Just bumped into something and uhhh, knocked over some other stuff, no biggie!” she explained sheepishly.

Adrien turned back towards Nino and Alya. “I’ll go help,” he reassured them with a smile.

He walked towards the kitchen, watching Marinette as she put away the kitchenware she’d accidentally knocked out of a cabinet.

He rounded the corner of the bar countertop and called out cheerfully, “Heya!”

Marinette whirled around in surprise with a sharp yelp, accidentally stepping backwards onto a stray metal platter. Adrien watched as if in slow motion as Marinette fell backwards towards the hard tile floor.

“Mari!!”

Adrien reflexively darted forward and managed to catch her just in the nick of time, her body nearly parallel to the floor. He pulled her up gingerly, his arms firmly wrapped around her waist and back, their chests barely touching. They stared at each other as they panted, their breaths mingling together.

Marinette blinked, her cheeks a deep crimson, and she let out a small, nervous laugh. “Nice catch,” she said, almost as a whisper.

Adrien let out a deep, relieved sigh. “I got lucky. Sorry I startled you.”

“No, it’s okay,” she said as he pulled her closer and helped her stand up. “I really should pay better attention to my surroundings,” she continued, rubbing her arm with a rueful expression on her face.

“You’re just trying to do too much all at once, that’s all. Let me help,” he replied. “I can reach all the high shelves!” he offered, flexing his arms theatrically, trying to add some silliness into the awkwardness.

She blinked, then let out a small giggle, cheeks still red. “A-alright,” she replied. “Uh… Why don’t you pour some water into these glasses while I finish cleaning this up?”

“Sure!” he chirped happily.

Marinette smiled and resumed her task of cleaning up the fallen pots and pans. Adrien opened the refrigerator to fetch the water pitcher, then began to fill the glasses.

As he did so, he noticed there were only four glasses on the countertop. Odd. They’d need an extra one for Marinette’s (former) love, wouldn’t they? Were they coming alone or would there be extra people? His chest tingled with curiosity as he wondered who it could be.

Turning back towards him, Marinette said, “By the way, the water pitcher’s inside the refri— oh nevermind, you already found it.”

Adrien chuckled nervously, continuing to pour. He cleared his throat and changed the subject. “So how many glasses do we need?”

Marinette looked back at him with a perplexed look. “It’s just the four of us today, as usual. Unless you invited someone else?”

“Uhh, no, I didn’t. I just thought…”

He trailed off and froze.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Marinette had said–

...but if no one else was coming, then that meant...

No.

No way.

Was Marinette in love with Nino?? He’d had a small crush on her ages ago, but he and Alya had been together for years now. Marinette would never try to wedge herself between them, not in a million years!

Her crush couldn't be Alya either, right? Marinette had mentioned that her crush was male.

But… But that meant–

“Adrien, the water!” Marinette cried, her voice jolting him back from his thoughts.

Horrified, he realized he was still pouring water into the already-filled glass, spilling it all over the countertop.

He gasped as he realized his mistake, and set the pitcher down. “Shoot! I’m sorry, Marinette! I'll clean it up!”

He turned around to open a drawer across the way, bringing out a couple of kitchen towels to soak up the liquid.

“I kinda zoned out,” he continued, wiping up the mess. “I’m really sorry, it looks like I’m only doing more harm than good in here.”

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it. But, um...” Her face scrunched up in confusion, “How did you know that’s where we kept the towels?”

Adrien’s eyes grew large. Oops. Why was he so full of blunders today??

“Uhh, I’ve just… I’ve seen you open that drawer before. O-on a different day,” he deflected with a shrug, obviously unable to divulge the true reason he knew his way around the Dupin-Cheng kitchen.

Marinette let out a short hmm . “Yeah, that makes sense. You must have a great memory!” She smiled with a blush and added, “Although that shouldn’t surprise me; I’ve always known you're really smart.”

Adrien forced himself to smile at the compliment, yet a cold chill ran down his spine.

“Not as smart as I should’ve been,” he muttered, speaking about more than just spilled water.

He should have noticed. He should have known. He should have realized sooner that the sadness in her eyes was because of him.

Marinette patted his arm, which tingled under her touch. “No worries, it’s just water. No harm done!” she said sweetly, her kind smile growing even wider.

But I hurt you , he thought to himself. Their conversation from that day rushed back to the forefront of his mind. An indirect and cruel rejection before she ever even got the chance to confess.

He thought back to all the times they’d hung out together as civilians since that fateful day when she came home in tears after school. She’d never treated Adrien any differently after he unknowingly broke her heart. Was she that amazing an actress, or was she just that strong?

Marinette finished putting the drinks and snacks onto a serving tray and bid him to follow her to the living area, where Nino and Alya were eagerly waiting. But how would he be able to concentrate on studying after knowing he’d been the focus of Marinette’s unrequited affections?

No, not affections. She’d used the word “love”. She was actively trying to fall out of love with him.

He wasn’t sure how he felt about that. Nevertheless, that nagging feeling stayed with him for the remainder of the study session. -------

(Mood Music: Que reste-t-il de nos amours? - Avalon Jazz Band)

[Later that day]

Marinette squinted suspiciously.

Chat had been acting weird. Or rather, weird for him, which was saying something. He’d been in a somber mood ever since he came back that afternoon after her study session. What had happened during that brief time while they’d been separated?

Speaking of which, she recalled that poor Adrien had been acting out of sorts as well. She’d asked him if everything was alright, but his face went red and he waved it off, saying it was nothing, claiming that he was just a little tired. She hasn’t pressed the issue, especially knowing that he had a difficult home life and busy schedule. She dearly hoped he’d come to her if he ever needed someone to talk to.

In any case, she’d been surprised to find Chat just as morose and out of sorts. She’d asked him what was wrong and he instantly dismissed it. Then he promptly excused himself to his bedroom, which was unusual. Normally he was chatty as can be during dinnertime, then he would hang out with the rest of the family during the evenings, playing videogames or board games, or engaging in conversation over some tea.

But tonight, he’d hardly spoken a word. He had only answered briefly when spoken to, and it was like he could barely look her in the eye. And whenever he did, she could’ve sworn she saw something like… guilt?

She wasn’t sure. But she knew she didn’t like it.

Something was wrong. She was sure of it. Perhaps he wasn’t able to share what it was exactly due to his secret identity, but she was determined to help him fix it. She wanted to know the truth.

Tikki had lightly chastised her, saying that maybe Chat Noir had a good reason why he couldn’t share his problems, and that she shouldn’t pry or be too nosy. But this wasn’t nosiness! They were friends! And not only that; it was her duty as Ladybug to look out for his well-being, right??

Speaking of Ladybug...

They had patrol scheduled for later that night. Should she ask him again, as Ladybug? She pondered it... but no; he’d probably act tough and pretend it was nothing again. They were still working on being more open with each other, but progress was slow. Though not for lack of trying. Chat just… didn’t always know how to relax around Ladybug. He didn’t verbalize it, but it was as if deep down, he was always bracing for imminent rejection. Almost like he expected everything to be a dream, and any day now he’d wake up back at his father’s house, all alone.

Despite being allies, there were still many obstacles that stood in their way, as they both navigated through their partnership trying to find their unique dynamic, still somewhat guarded in their words and actions, to avoid hurting the other. There were invisible walls between them, and every time they’d succeeded in tearing one down, it was only to find that there was another wall behind it.

He’d mentioned before that he would never want to do anything to jeopardize their partnership. So he had a tendency to keep quiet about a lot of things, and not rock the boat, so to speak. He’d mentioned before that he trusted her implicitly. But it was like he didn’t trust himself. Or trust his luck.

He tended to be more open with Marinette, most likely because he didn’t feel that he had to watch what he said as closely for fear of rejection. Thankfully, he’d always been able to confide in her.

That is... until today.

She sighed.

Maybe he just needed an evening where he could be himself and be a normal person, as the guy behind the costume. But how to do that without revealing his identity?

Her eyebrows scrunched deeply as a tiny idea planted itself in her brain, slowly blooming into a full-blown scheme.

“I know that look,” Tikki remarked warily. “You’re up to something, aren’t you, Marinette?”

“Maybe,” Marinette replied with a sly grin. “I think Chat needs to get out of the house and spend a night on the town.” With that, she hopped off her desk chair and walked to the large, antique storage chest in the corner of her room where she kept all her current sewing projects. She rummaged around, searching for something.

“How are you going to do that?” Tikki asked with a concerned furrow of her brow.

“I’ll explain in a minute,” she replied as she found the item she was looking for, then set it down on her chaise.

She then opened her phone’s contacts and dialed Mylene’s father's number.

Tikki peeked over her shoulder. “I’m not sure where you’re going with this, but I hope it helps Chat Noir cheer up,” she remarked.

A few seconds later, there was an answer on the other side of the phone.

“Monsieur Haprèle? It’s Marinette Dupain-Cheng. I have a quick favor to ask, if that’s alright.”

A few moments later, the phone call ended, successfully putting the next part of her plan into motion. Monsieur Haprèle had graciously offered to stop by and drop off the items Marinette had asked for, since he needed to be in that part of town anyway for an errand.

“I think we have everything we need.” She winked at her kwami. “And now, Ladybug needs to make a phone call. Tikki, spots on!”

----

Chat closed his communicator and plopped onto his bed with a groan. Ladybug had cancelled patrol at the last minute, postponing it to the next day. He ran his hands down his face dejectedly. He supposed that was just as well. As excited as he’d been to meet with her tonight, he probably wouldn’t be very good company, since he’d been in such a crummy mood all evening.

Still… he’d really wanted to see her. Her presence always managed to do wonders for his morale.

He settled for pulling up a candid photo he’d taken of her with his staff’s camera on a different day. She was breathtaking; smiling softly while looking into the distance, the sunset a golden halo behind her, making her look like the angel she was. He smiled at the memory, and he felt his stomach fill with butterflies as they always did when he truly looked at her.

He swiped to the photo he’d taken right afterwards, when she realized he was taking a picture, her eyebrows raised in mild surprise. Then the photo after that, where she’d let out a bashful giggle, bringing her hand to her mouth, looking adorably shy. And the last photo from those few precious moments: Ladybug striking a dramatic pose, with an exaggerated pout that would put any supermodel to shame; a reminder of her sense of humor and willingness to be vulnerable and silly around him.

His smile broadened, his heart now thumping loudly in his chest. She really was so extraordinary.

A sudden rap on his bedroom door jolted him out of his daydreaming. He sat up and put his staff away as he answered, “Come in.”

The door opened, revealing a sharply dressed Marinette. He almost didn’t recognize her at first, since she’d changed out of her clothes from earlier and her hair was up in high twin buns.

“Hey Minou! You busy tonight?”

“Uhh, actually, no. Patrol got moved to tomorrow.”

“Then I have a proposition for you,” she said, her voice high and chipper. Without waiting for a reply, she took his hand and practically dragged him up to her bedroom. “But first, I need to give you something.”

They arrived at her room and she let go of his hand, then knelt by a large cardboard box he’d never seen before that was labeled “Backstage”. She unfolded the top, then started bringing out a myriad of fabrics and materials so hastily, that her movements were practically blurred. She took out a large pair of sunglasses that resembled vintage aviator-style goggles, an almost ninja-esque facemask, and set them aside.

She stood, holding something else behind her back, and walked up to him with a shy grin, her legs doing her trademark nervous shuffle.

“First of all, I- uh… I made you something. I started it a little while back and finally finished it today.” She tucked some hair behind her ear as she averted her eyes timidly, her cheeks dusted with a lovely shade of pink. “I hope you like it.”

She revealed the item behind her back, holding it up with both hands. It was a black zip-up hoodie, with muted, subtle detailing as an homage to his Chat Noir suit, but the main feature was the cat ears sewn onto the hood itself.

Chat’s jaw dropped, and his eyes practically bugged out of his head. This was the cutest, most considerate thing he’d ever been gifted.

He was at a loss for words, but thankfully Marinette interrupted, “I made it for you so you could hang out at home without having to be transformed all the time. ‘Cause I know that can be exhausting for Plagg, and it’d probably be more comfortable for you to be dressed in casual, loose-fitting clothes. Also–” she gestured towards the box behind her, “–my friend’s dad, he’s an actor, and he gave me a box full of masks and other costumes. You can mix and match, so you can have fun with it while still protecting your identity.” She extended the hoodie towards him hesitantly. “Uhh… anyway, obviously I didn’t take your measurements because it would’ve ruined the surprise, but it should fit you just fine. Cotton-polyester blend fleece is pretty forgiving like that.”

Chat gingerly accepted the garment, slowly and carefully running his fingers across the soft fabric as he admired the attention to detail his friend had lovingly crafted into a piece of clothing that would hardly ever be seen by anyone else.

He gaped at her, throat feeling quite dry. “Marinette… I don’t know what to say. Just… Thank you. This is such a thoughtful gift. I… wow.” He brought his hand up to his face, still in total disbelief. “I wish there was something I could do to show you how much I appreciate that you’re always looking out for me. There’s gotta be a way for me to thank you. Y-you’re always so… you’re just… I’m...”

Marinette stepped closer to him, their toes almost touching. The sudden proximity got his attention instantly, and she booped his nose with her index finger. “Well then, this is your lucky day. I know just the thing you can do for me.”

“Uhh, sure! A-anything you need, just ask,” he stammered, slightly confused.

She began, “Sooo, here’s what I was thinking…”

She continued to speak as she paced around the room, sort of beating around the bush, the speed of her words steadily increasing until she was talking a million miles a minute, so rapidly that he could barely understand what in the world she was talking about. Although he distinctly heard the words “movie theater”, “chaperone”, and a pleading, “You wouldn’t want me to go all by myself, would you?”

“Uhhh–” he tried to interject, still deep in his confusion.

“And before you turn me down and say, ‘But I, the dark and mysterious Chat Noir, cannot be seen in public with a civilian!’ don’t worry: I got you,” she interrupted.

She handed him the sunglasses and face mask, and said, “Detransform and put these on, along with your hoodie. You can wear these to the movies and be totally incognito!”

Chat let out a high-pitched “WHAT?!” his voice cracking once it couldn’t go any higher.

“No one will recognize you with the costume! It’s really not that conspicuous! Lots of people wear special blue-light blocking glasses when they watch movies or use their computers. And face masks have become a pretty common way to keep germs from spreading, so nobody will spare you a second glance. You’ll totally blend in with the crowd. And it’ll be my treat! Please??”

Chat rubbed the back of his neck, eyes darting around nervously. This was all so sudden and he was unsure how to respond. He’d never done anything like this before.

“I-I dunno…”

Marinette continued, wringing her hands anxiously as she spoke, “I know this is totally out of the blue, but there’s this one movie I really wanna watch that’s only gonna be in theaters for this one weekend. I’d ask Alya and Nino, but it’s pretty last minute. And even if they’re available, they’d probably just make out during the entire movie anyway, and God knows being the awkward third wheel gets tiresome after a while,” she added with an eyeroll. “Adrien always has to be booked months in advance, all my other girlfriends are busy, and I really don’t wanna go alone; it’s not safe to walk around a big city all by yourself at night, y’know. So, what do you say??”

Chat looked back at her, her big blue eyes silently begging him to come along.

He suppressed a sigh, biting his lip instead. She wouldn’t want to hang out with him if she knew who he really was and what he’d done to her. She’d always been absolutely wonderful to him– to both sides of him– and he’d repaid her by being a crappy friend who’d been totally oblivious to her feelings. He truly didn’t deserve her.

He was about to decline and try to make up some excuse, but just then, her words from earlier in the day popped back into his head: “I’m just trying to get past him. I wanna move on.”

He paused. All day, he’d only been thinking about his own feelings and feeling sorry about himself, wallowing in guilt. But right now, this was about Marinette, and her needs. And at this moment, it sounded like what she needed was someone to just be with her. He could set aside his own apprehensiveness and insecurities to help her out, instead of pushing her away. After all, she always went out of her way for her friends constantly, at the cost of herself. She’d always been so selfless… to the point where she tended to neglect her own needs. He couldn’t let her keep doing that.

Determined to make things right and treat her the way she deserved for once, he nodded and smiled. “Alright, Mari. I’d love to go with you.”

Marinette let out a delighted squeal and resumed doing her excited wiggle-dance, but Chat interrupted, “On one condition! It’ll be my treat instead. After all, what good is a paycheck from the best bakery in Paris if I can’t use it to spoil my absolute favorite roommate?” He squeezed her shoulder with a wink.

Her mouth popped open in shock, then twisted into a pout. It looked like she was about to argue, but in the end, decided not to press her luck and accept his terms.

“Deal.”