#they even made him go and get permission from both their pastor and the dad in order to ask her to marry him

[tamagotchikgs]

my brother's wedding is comin up & it is vital that i am fucking Ripped absolutely Shredded

[alreadyblondenow]

Marvin’s Room

Mark Lee x reader, Haechan x reader // SMUT, ANGST, fluff?, CHEATING!AU, college student!Mark, church boy!Mark, high school! Haechan, high school!reader, virgin!reader, virgin!Mark Summary: Mark being a year older than you was yet another cool thing about him, you had both a boyfriend and a brother. But what will happen to you when Mark finally leaves for college? Word Count: 6k Warnings: Virginity loss, swearing, explicit mature themes, mentions of church and faith, CHEATING, mentions of alcohol Note: I have a few notes again. :))  -This is inspired from the song Marvin’s Room by Drake but Listen to this version if you’re a girl. The phone call almost sounds like Mark :((  -Just like Mark, I love Drake and I’ve been a fan of Drake since 2015  -This is a true story, maybe I just exaggerated some parts but the true ending was not a happy ending.  -If some words were misplaced, I apologise in advance. 

Sundays are beautiful peaceful morning, wearing a nice dress, having breakfast with your whole family and a whole day with your boyfriend, Mark Lee. Although the both of you are busy with church responsibilities, at least you can see each other from afar and spend time together after church.

Being with Mark for three months already was the best decision you made. Everyday became sweeter than yesterday, life was suddenly easy and happy when Mark became your boyfriend. It’s a miracle how the both of you understood each other and because of that you two never fight. Misunderstandings will only last 10 minutes and that’s because you two would rather compromise than stay angry with each other.  

In your eyes and in everyones eyes Mark is perfect. He is this handsome pastor’s kid that everyone in church loves, the talented teenager who sings and plays guitar, well mannered, cool and funny at the same time. Who wouldn’t have a crush on him? You were just lucky that he happens to have a crush on you first.

After church, you went straight to your house with Mark to watch movies and have quality time. You were both at the kitchen preparing popcorns and making lemonade when your mom and dad came in with bags of groceries. Of course, Mark being the gentleman that he is helped your parents unload the stuff inside the bags.

“Congratulations for graduating by the way!” your dad exclaims and gave Mark a hug in the middle of the kitchen. “Any plans for college?” your dad added. Mark was so shy about telling his plans for college that he can’t look your father straight in the eye. “Uhm, I’m leaving by the end of the summer sir. I’ll be flying to California and will attend college in Azusa Pacific University” Mark explained shyly.

Both of your parents was ecstatic upon hearing Mark’s college plans, deep inside you are proud of him. Mark being a year older than you was yet another cool thing about him, you had both a boyfriend and a brother. But what will happen to you when Mark finally leaves for college? “Wow! A Christian University? Your parents must be proud of you Mark” your dad was acting like Mark is his son, you can only laugh. “California is far from home son, maybe y/n can get in there too. What do you say honey? It’s not a bad idea right?” your mom blurted out of nowhere. Now you’re annoyed but you can’t show them. You came in closer to Mark pushing him out of he kitchen carrying the snacks and lemonade. “You guys are funny. Were going upstairs to watch, love you both!”

When the two of you are finally alone, you apologised to Mark from what happened earlier. For all you know he doesn’t like how people praise him for being ‘perfect’, he always says that he’s not. “It’s okay. We can’t actually avoid what happened” he let out a laugh and puts a popcorn in your mouth.

You wanted to ask him how you two are going to survive long distance relationship. You never wanted him to leave but he worked so hard to pass the exams. Who are you stop him from chasing what he wants in life? The movie started and you hear him munching his popcorn happily. The sight of Mark being close to you is something you will always cherish. You came closer and hugged him tight, and he did the same in return.

Summer was incredibly fast, you checked your planner and you only have a week left with Mark before he leaves for college. Not to mention that it’s gonna be your birthday the day after he leaves. Everything is starting to make you feel sadder and sadder even though you see Mark everyday.

“Whats wrong?” Mark saw you spacing out.

You were fighting your tears and trying to hide your cracked voice when you finally said what’s on your mind. You let out a lot of questions that you’re 100% sure he’s avoiding, “and I just realised that you’re not going to be here during my birthday”  even though you let out everything that makes your heart heavy, you made sure you looked calm in front of him. He hugged you for a good ten minutes, enjoying the warmth of his body. The warmth only Mark lee could provide, a warmth that you will miss. It surprised you how calm he feels even though you threw a lot of questions at him. Turns out he actually has a plan for the both of you and that made you feel better. “We will work things out. We will try everything, FaceTime me whenever. And don’t worry about your birthday, I’ve got everything planned out. And you just ruined the art of surprise” you laughed at him and kissed him softly, “I’m sorry to ruin the surprise”

Counting down the days before he leaves, you both spend everyday together eating at your favorite restaurants, going to museums, baking cupcakes, buying stuff for his dorm, everything that comes in his mind, you try your best to make it happen.

After helping him pack for college, you two didn’t notice that you are the only ones at home. He told you to wait for him in his bedroom while he prepares for the snack and so you did. You were laying in bed while you wait for him, and to your surprise Mark turned off the lights in his bedroom and you saw him holding a small cake with lit candles that says, ‘i love you’ and he was singing “Happy birthday to you….Happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear y/n, happy birthday to you”

You almost explode when he sits in front of you, you were crying tears of joy when you saw his handsome face. You made a wish before blowing the candles and gave Mark a kiss. It came across your mind that he will leave tomorrow and that made you cry even more.

“Yay! Were the same age now. Well technically not yet, but whatever” he puts down the cake on the table beside his bed and dried your tears using the ends of his flannels. “Shh. Don’t cry now. Were supposed to be celebrating.”

Your supposed to be movie night became cuddles and pillow talks, laughing in between whenever he tell you something funny and kissing each other deeply whenever the both of you says something intimate. “It’s against our faith but you know, I want to have sex with you someday and be each other’s first time. Nonetheless I’m happy with all the kisses that we shared everyday” you can feel him breath deeply and you can feel his feet playing with yours. “I’ve been thinking the same” you whisper, trying to hide your blush and shyness. To be honest you were still not ready but you wanted to make the best out this moment. “Do you want to do it tonight?” you suggested out of nowhere, not thinking about anything.

He chuckles as if he was not startled by what you just said. “Yeah I want to” he said without any hesitations. And that’s the only answer you need. You kissed him deeply like you never did before and gently made your way on top of him. Your legs on either side of his hips, slowly grinding on him to make him horny.

“You don’t need to do much. I’m already horny” he whispers in between kisses, changing your positions. Now he’s on top of you, slowly taking your clothes off and you do the same. Everything was done slowly and without any rush. He’s kissing you on places he’s never been before and it makes your head dizzy. Taking his time on kissing your shoulders and collar bones, licking from time to time careful not to leave marks. You moan from what he’s doing. “How can you be so good?” you managed to ask, “porn” simple and straightforward he answers you.

You lift your chest slightly to unclasp your bra and throw it away somewhere. Feeling shy underneath Mark you try to avoid his gaze when he finally looks into. He smiles and slowly touches your boobs, you gasps at the way he touches you while he looks in your eyes. “What’s on your mind Mark?” feeling good with what he’s doing, you were somehow curious. “I don’t know. Maybe I’m a little overwhelmed?” he kisses your neck trying to hide his shyness, hands still on your boobs, “It’s my first time touching boobs, and it’s the first time I’m touching you like this”

With the heat of the moment, somehow his kisses changed from soft and careful to wild and needy. His hard cock pokes your leg while he’s going down to your lower body to take off your panties. “Can I?” of course he asked for your permission, you thought. “Baby I want you to know that when I take this off, theres no turning back” it makes you wonder how Mark can be such a gentleman even after kissing you like crazy and groping your boobs like theres no tomorrow. “Still not changing my mind Mark. Were doing it” and with that you removed your panties yourself to make it less awkward and throws it to Mark. He chuckled at your bold move, stripping himself in front you and throws his briefs at you just like what you did.

Hovering back to you, Mark’s skin is so soft and flawless. Tracing his back muscles, drawing circles around his cute butt, everything about him is perfect. “Are you still nervous?” you asked while pushing his hair away from his face, “Nope. Thanks to your panty throwing move” your giggles turned into sweet moans when he finally put a finger in your pussy. Teasing your clit, moving his finger up and down your slit, gathering your sweet juices, all those moves made you spread your legs wide and you accidentally felt his hard cock almost hitting your entrance. Still kissing you while he worked on his fingers, he’s somehow amused by the way you react underneath him.

“Baby I know. Were both excited. But we can’t skip foreplay” you moan to acknowledge what he said, grinding your hips on his fingers. He pulls aways and kneels in between your legs, still playing with your slit and opening your folds you gasp loud when his tongue finally touches your pussy.

“What the- baby at least warn me?” you said still breathing hard. Your hands made its way to his locks, tugging it when he hits a good spot. “I think you watch to much porn Mark. You’re so good.” you can feel his chuckle against your pussy. Feeling good at what he does, you try to recall what are the things you see when you watch porn. You made him stop for a second and came closer to him, wiping his face with your hand, you asked him if you can suck him off.

Your innocent self did not know how to start making him feel good, but you started to stroke his cock from the base and you play with the tip. His head falls back on his pillows and he was moaning loudly trying to stop himself from cursing, you figured maybe you’re doing a good job. When you finally brought his cock near your lips, you kissed it first before putting it in your mouth. He saw you bobbing your head and seeing your lips around his cock makes him really hard and horny he almost feels sorry for what he’s going to do with you later. “Ugh- Ah! Fu-“ Mark was on edge already making you stop before he cums in your mouth.

“Shit” you meet him on top of the bed again, kissing his neck and waiting for him to come down. “Sorry for the bad word, but baby how-“ you chuckled and copied what he said earlier, “porn” he grabs your head and kiss you again hungrily. He opened the drawer near his bed and grabs the condom that he saved specifically for this moment. “Want to put it on me?” Mark asked you with a wink.

Not refusing his offer, you grabbed the condom and opened it. Playing with his cock for a minute to make it harder. You feel wet kisses on your jaw while you slowly roll it on his cock and when you’re done he goes on top of you again. Spreading your legs whispering sweet things beside your ear that makes you blush. “I love you” he said before entering you slowly. To be honest he was having a hard time pushing his cock inside you because of your virgin pussy but he managed. The stretch awfully hurts, your head is moving from side to side, gasping and moaning loudly. When he’s finally inside you, he’s calming you down with his sweet voice telling how much he loves you and how much he appreciates you. How he’s thankful that he’s having sex for the first time with you and hoping that he could be your last. Did he just talked about getting married someday?

For a first timer, you thought he was doing a great job making you feel good. None of you knows what’s the wrong and right thing to do when it comes to fucking. Whenever he hears you moan, he likes to think that he’s doing a great job. Which he is. Nonstop moaning from the both you and Mark is somehow experimenting with thrust giving you slow deep thrust that changes to sharp and quick ones. The pace makes your boobs beneath him bounce up and down, your nipples earning kisses from him whenever he wants to.

Eyes closed and arms encircled around him, your pussy clenched and you feel the pleasure rising. Moaning and gasping harder, you feel something in your abdomen. You try to inform Mark but when you opened your eyes, he’s staring down at you. Eyes full of lust, catching his own pleasure, eyebrows furrowed and lips parted. You kissed him and that made you both cum. It was great to cum to together you both thought. “I thought I wouldn’t make you cum” he said still panting.

It was nothing as you expected it to be but you were glad to have an intimate moment with Mark before he leaves. He lends you some of his clothes that you get to keep forever. “I’m giving you the best ones okay? So you wouldn’t miss me so much” that’s impossible you murmur.

Both of you slept like a baby and woke up early in the morning with a smile. It shouldn’t be a sad day he said to you. “I’m worried too. And I’m starting to miss you now actually. I’ll be back before you even know it.”

When the time finally comes, Mark said his final goodbyes before he goes to his flight, you were crying nonstop already and you didn’t know how hurt he was to see you cry because of him. His parents brought you home from the airport and made sure that you’re okay. Of course you’re not but you faked a smile and thanked them for bringing you home.

As expected long distance relationship is not easy in fact it made you cry night after night. You both live in different time zones and you don’t want him to lose sleep so sometimes you let him rest instead of catching up with you. Being a high school senior was hard but fun and you couldn’t help to think how it could be more fun if Mark is with you.

Over FaceTime, he tells you how the community in his college is peaceful and that the people there can all be your friends. You laugh at that thought. “Hey, hows your college applications going?” rambling with your words, you try to pretend that you didn’t hear him. But he’s not taking no for an answer, as always. He repeated his question.

“Uhm. To be honest, I’m having a hard time choosing” you gave him a short and simple answer hoping he would just change the topic. For all you know he was waiting for you to talk about going to his college too. That was the plan you both made before he left.  

But you’re wrong, Mark wants to hear exactly what he wants to hear. “Between?” you don’t see it in his face but you hear it, he’s disappointed. He was reminding you of the plan you two made before he left you, a plan that will you make the two of you together again. Everyday.

“Yes, I know that baby. I’m just trying things out no big deal” he scoffed.

“Is this a change of heart? What y/n? You don’t love me anymore because I’m far?” you can’t believe at what you’re hearing right now.

“Mark Lee that’s not true. Baby, you know I love you. Stop being like that” he’s not even looking at you right now, you wonder if his listening. Maybe not. “Mark, I’m going to bed” he nodded and ended the video call.

To be honest, your problem was your GPA. It was not enough to get in to Mark’s college and you didn’t wanted to tell him because he would be so disappointed and mad. That led you to apply to different colleges that fits your GPA. But if you’re being totally honest, you didn’t want to go to California. It’s not that you don’t want to be with Mark, it just so happens that you never wanted to leave home.  

Your normal relationship with Mark was gone, or rather the both of you changed within a month of being away. You fight almost every week and it will go on for days, he quickly judge you sometimes from not having enough time for him. You started lying to him so he won’t get disappointed at you. The long distance relationship was draining you both.

The next day, you went to school with puffy eyes. Your friends told you to dump Mark because he’s been acting weird lately and that doesn’t sound good to them. “No, girls I can’t you know how much I lovehim” you argue with a smile, knowing they’re just kidding. “We’re just saying that Haechan from your history class has a huge crush on you”

You scoffed, knowing that a popular guy like Haechan would never lay eyes on you.

Days without Mark went on and on, you’re starting to think if you really matter to him. You hear his parents saying about how Mark talks to them everyday, and that made you sad. Maybe it’s because they’re his parents of course he should talk to them everyday. But he promise he would talk to you too.

When you finally got a call from Mark, he’s still cold as ice. But he asked how was your day and you said you were fine and that school was school. “Oh Mark, by the way. I have to head out in a few minutes” you checked your watch and you only have ten minutes.

“I’m going to this party, Angela is going to pick me up in ten minutes”

“Am I the only one trying for the both us y/n?” he removed his glasses and crossed his arms, “is this why your GPA wasn’t enough? Because you were out partying?”

You figured maybe he asked your parents, “No. Mark. Its because I’m not perfect like you.” He was angry at you again. Hearing his words convinced you that Mark has indeed changed. Maybe he’s doing this because he cares? But you don’t like the way he treats you now. He’s not your Mark anymore. Your Mark will comfort you and tell you that it’s okay you can try again and he will help you, he usually makes everything in your life easier and bearable, he usually understands what you’re going through.

“I’m done reminding you with this shit y/n”

“Maybe, I’m done too Mark. Maybe I can’t do this anymore"

“Yeah maybe you’re right. Let’s just stop this”

And just like that he ended the call again. Angela sent you a text that she’s already outside waiting with the others. You were 100% out of your mind for still going to the party after breaking up with Mark. “Mom, dad I’m going to a party with Angela. Don’t wait up” you said trying to stop your tears from falling. “Enjoy honey!”

The moment you’re inside Angela’s car, you burst out in tears. Telling them you and Mark are over. They took a moment of silence for you to cry your heart out. “You sure you still want to go?” Angela asked sincerely, “Yeah. I need a drink” everyone in the car got startled with what you just said because in their eyes you’re this christian girl who doesn’t drink and you rather take care of your drunk friends during parties. “I mean. It’s about time I learn to drink right?” you added and sniffed for the last time.

You dried your tears, and went on with the night. The entire school is almost present at the party and you were actually having a great time. It was hard but, you try not to think of him and help yourself feel better. By the end of the day, you don’t need him to take care of you.

Life goes on without Mark, he never called you and you never called him. You’ve been happier by just loving yourself and trying new things. Changing every detail about your existence and throwing away the old and boring you. You started going to parties every weekend with your friends and you’re starting to be more popular at school.

Both your parents and his parents were devastated when they heard about the news. You still adore Mr. and Mrs. Lee, you still see them in church. They said they’re still rooting for the both of you. Mark was home for spring break, you weren’t.

You went to Miami with a couple of friends and your new boyfriend, Haechan. Sweet Haechan. Turns our what you’re friends told you months ago was true. He has a huge crush on you ever since junior high. When he found out you’re single, he made his way through your heart slowly but surely. Made you laugh everyday with his jokes, made you blush with his sweet words and he never treated you bad. Your parents quite like him because he takes care of you and that Haechan was funny and charming.

Senior year was suddenly full of laughter and good times despite all the readings and studying that you all have to do. You’ve been with Haechan for almost half of your senior year now and you’re happy you’re graduating together. Maybe one of the many things that you like about Haechan is, he was also planning to go to the same university you’re planning to go. “Long distance relationships scares me babe” you said to Haechan while eating beside him, “I know. I know, because of Mark. Don’t worry about it I’m not him” he kisses your temple and continues eating.

Three months left before you graduate, the school is torturing you with all the requirements needed to be passed. Both you and Haechan are busy studying and you both agreed to ace all of your exams. Good thing Haechan was competitive and studious like you.

You’re deep into understanding Shakespeare when you heard your mom knock at your door. “Theres someone downstairs honey” with a shrugged you removed your glasses, “who might that be, all of my friends are studying” you mumble at yourself. As you made your way to the living room, you saw your dad talking to someone with a big smile on his face. “Oh heres y/n” your father pointed at you. The moment that someone turned around to face you, you wanted to go to sleep immediately.

“H-hi, y/n” he started.

“Mark” you let out a fake smile.

Bold of him to assume that you still wanted to see him after having a new girlfriend just weeks after you broke up. You wanted to slap him. His new girlfriend was pretty and probably smart too because they go to the same school. He started attending college parties too and learned to drink alcohol. You know because his mother absentmindedly updates you about what hes doing in California. He still looked the same tho.

You try to get out of this situation, then you remembered the clothes you borrowed the night you two had sex for the first time you figured it’s time to return it. “I’ll return the clothes that I borrowed from…. last time. I’ll get it-“ he quickly told you that he’s not here for his clothes, he’s here for you.

“I’m studying. Every senior is studying tonight, Mark. Please just- not tonight” you beg of him to leave you alone because it’s true, you have a lot tests tomorrow. “Oh, okay. I’m sorry” and he made his way outside your house.

On the next day, you were happy you aced the test and you can finally breath. As for your celebration, you and Haechan spend the whole day together after school. He told you no one is home and that no one will disturb the two of you in his room. You already knew what he was talking about and you wanted to spend time with Haechan too.

Your relationship with Haechan was far from what you had with Mark. Haechan was full of new things, always surprising you about a lot of things. And new things as in kinks like, fingering you in front of the mirror and making out like theres no tomorrow. You were sexually active when you started dating Haechan. At first you thought maybe he was just staying for sex but the more you stayed in this relationship, he proved to you that he can fuck you and love you more at the same time.

The two of you are fucking in Haechan’s room when you got a call from your mom. You kissed him before answering the phone, “don’t stop” he liked the challenge. “Hello mom.” you answered while Haechan is fucking you balls deep. “Oh honey, hi! Uh.. Mark is here…” and after hearing his name, you ended the call immediately. You put your phone on silent and threw it somewhere on the floor with your discarded clothes.

“Haechan- Ah! Harder babe!” you meet his hard thrust and you made him choke you. After cumming for the third time that afternoon, Haechan flips you on your stomach, your ass is up in the air just the way you like it. Now that you’re on all fours, he grabs a fistful of your hair and pulls it while he thrust deep and hard. You let out a long moan and you cum hard. Breathing and wanting more air, you feel Haechan kissing every inch of your body and saying sorry about how hard he fucked you today. You can only let out a small giggle, still feeling tired but you told him he did great as always.  

“I’m just so tired from school lately. I’m sorry” he added, still kissing you sweetly.

“Me too, that’s why I need to be fucked hard”

“Oh by the way, what did your mom told you” suddenly Mark’s face flashed in your mind.

“Nothing. She just wanted me to buy her some raisin bread on the way home” you lied. You felt sorry for lying to Haechan knowing he’s been nothing but a great boyfriend.

“Okay, we’ll buy some on the way”

Hoping that Mark went home already, you brought Haechan to have dinner with you and your family to celebrate for finishing the last wave of exams. You found them already eating in the dinning room…. with Mark. Your mom was the first to greet Haechan and gave your boyfriend a warm hug and kiss on the cheeks, telling him it’s so sweet of him to bring her some raisin bread.

The dinner wasn’t awkward thanks to Haechan, he’s always the life of a party. Your parents loved him, like how they used to love Mark. And speaking of Mark, it’s good that he plays fair. He laughs at Haechan’s stories and jokes while having dinner careful not to steal a glance from you.

After dinner you thanked Haechan for having dinner with your family even with Mark’s presence. “I swear I didn’t know they invited him-“ he cuts you off, “It’s okay babe” he kissed your forehead and hugged you like a bear stuffed toy, “make sure to rest well okay? I was kinda hard earlier” you nod and gave him a goodbye kiss. You watch him drive away from your street before going inside, not sure what to tell Mark.

When you went back inside, your mom told you Mark is in your room waiting for you.

And that was the last thing you needed today, Haechan was right he fucked you a little bit harder today. The exhaustion just hits you before seeing your bed all nice comfy.

“Mark what do you want? I’m going to bed”

“I want to start over again”

You almost tripped at what you just heard. To be honest you can’t believe with what he just said. “Are you drunk? Didn’t you just saw me and Haechan? He’s my boyfriend Mark, maybe you don’t know. We’ve been together for nine beautiful months now.

He let out a heavy sigh, “Everything you just said right now hurts me to the core. Y/n, we have a history. A damn good one-“

“You made me feel like shit Mark!” you quietly yelled at him.  

“And I was only being harsh to you because I was that desperate to be with you! To touch you again! To hold your hand! To see you in person again and not just through my computer screen or my phone! I was saving money so I could give you a ticket to California and you’d visit me!” you see tears in his eyes now. Those can’t be real tears you thought.

“Bullshit Mark! You had all the time in world to win me back before me and Haechan happens, but you didn’t! Between the both of us, you are the first one to have someone… someone new” you can’t believe you’re choking with your words and you’re crying in front of him.

“THAT WAS NOTHING!” he shouted at you tears running through his face, you’re positive your parents can hear the both of you screaming. You checked outside your door if they happen to listen, but they’re still at the kitchen.

“I need you to stop screaming and shouting at me Mark, and I need you to leave-“ and just like that, your world is upside down again. He kissed you shamelessly his hands just above your jaw. You don’t understand why you returned the kiss. You don’t understand why you kissed the guy who made you feel like shit.

You wanted to slap him but he started to explain himself again, “I was alone there y/n. And I was looking forward to be with you again. I came home during spring break but you weren’t home” you felt your heart beating for him again. Everything that’s happening right now is wrong. He hugged you and you felt that familiar warmth that only Mark Lee can provide. That warmth that you missed and the same warmth that you’ve been longing to feel again if you’re being honest. “I’ll be here for 2 months only. Is that enough to make it up to you? If not, I could drop some of my classes and take them next semester”

“It’s fine. That’s fine” from there on the word ‘cheater’ comes flashing in your mind. The chaos that you’ve single handedly chose for yourself will backfire the moment you face Haechan.

A month passed by already and Mark has been coming to your house everyday. Just like the old times. It actually felt that he never left and the two of you never broke up. You’ve been hiding this shit for Haechan and it becomes heavier and heavier each day. He never noticed that you’re hiding something from him because you spend your days with him normally. You meet Haechen in the day and you spend your time after school with Mark after Haechan drives you home.

You never talked about Haechan in front of Mark. You never told him how hard it is for you to cheat for him. But because your Mark is back, he told hes sorry for putting you in a situation like this. “I know it’s my fault. I came in barging in your life when you’re-“

“Stop” you pat the side of your bed giving him the sign to lay in bed with you. “Hmmm. Hows your day?”  you asked, pushing his hair back and scratching the top of his head and his nape just the way he likes it. It tickles him and makes him scrunch his cute nose, something you miss seeing. He hugged you in return drawing circles at your back, “mom was asking for you. She said you haven’t been going to church for awhile now”  he said with a calm voice.

“Mark, I hope you understand that a lot has changed when we were apart”

“Hmmm. I know. Some of it is visible, like how you’re bold when it comes to doing things now. The shy and innocent y/n is gone.” he chuckles, “but you’re still my y/n. That part of you will never change”

This time you’re the one who let out a chuckle, “What? What part?”

“You’re still the girl that I laid eyes on. Let’s not forget that I was the one who had a crush on you first” you never forget. “You’re still the girl I want to spend the rest of my life with you know. No matter how much you change, I’m willing to love every version of you.”

The whole time Mark was talking theres only one thing in your mind, he’s back. The Mark that you loved whole heartedly is back.

“I was wrong to breakup with you” the breakup was the last thing you wanted to talk about. You tried to stop him but he insist, “listen to me first baby” you avoid his gaze, but you listen. “Do you remember how we used to not fight? That our misunderstandings will only last minutes?” another reason why you loved him so much back then, “Yeah but you changed” you challenged him, “Okay, okay I’m sorry. But did you ever think about how normal couples do fight like crazy? I think” he gulped, “In my opinion, we weren’t used to fighting that’s why. We were so perfect on being together for only just a few months, we weren’t ready to be apart. And that’s my fault because I went away. And by the time the word breakup is brought up, it’s wrong for me to leave you because I should’ve stayed. That’s the right thing to do, we fight for our relationship not give up on them. I just learned it the hard way and I’m sorry”

You were silent the whole time, thinking about how you’re gonna breakup with Haechan. He’s going to be so hurt, he has done nothing wrong. “Mark, those were dark times for the both of us. You’re here beside me. In my bed.” you chuckled, “let’s just sleep okay?”

On the next day, you decided to breakup with Haechen. You sent him a text telling him that you wanted to breakup with him. It’s a coward thing to do but you didn’t want to see him so hurt just because you cheated on him. But only for a few minutes he’s outside your house crying and begging for you to stay.

“Why y/n? Baby, we were perfect” he sobs and you hear him whimper while he’s embracing you, “We were perfect. Please tell me what did I do wrong. I’ll change it.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong. You just don’t deserve a coward like me, Haechan please dont make this harder than it already is”

“Let’s fix this- I’m going to change”

“It’s Mark- Haechan I’m sorry” you see Mark standing at your porch and you hugged Haechan for the last time. “I told you. You deserve someone better than me”

“I don’t care about him! We were perfect before he comes in the picture!” he walked closer to Mark and yelled at him, shouting screaming like a mad man telling him how he ruined your relationship. “We were fucking perfect and then you fucking came back! You treated her like shit and I didn’t!”

By this time you were crying too, sobbing and begging Haechan to please stop yelling.   All the words that Haechan let out in Mark’s face were all true. Mark was silent because he knew all too well that Haechan is right.

“I’m only agreeing to breakup with you because you chose this guy over me. And I respect you. I respect your decision, that’s how much I love you. I’m going to treat you right until this very end” and he  left with a heavy heart. You never thought seeing Haechan leave will hurt you to the point that you’re sitting on the ground sobbing and crying like a little girl. “I brought this to you, I’m sorry” Mark was helping you to get up and guides you inside your house.

In a matter of three months you manage to get back with Mark accepting him in your life again like nothing happened, you cheated on Haechan and broke his heart to pieces, and graduate. The last three months of high school was too much. Before graduation, you hear murmurs in school about you cheating on Haechan and it made you sadder because they remind you of how awful of person you became. Your friends got mad at you for what you did but good thing didn’t leave your side. Graduation became even more sadder for you because you felt that almost half of your batch hates you. Mark wanted to attend your graduation but you didn’t want him to. You’re afraid he might hear people talking about him and hurting Mark too was the last thing you wanted to happen.  

In the end you learned to forgive yourself with what you’ve done and Mark was helping you through the process making you happy again. You decided to leave home and went to a college that offers everything you need and it’s a good thing that it’s just one bus away from where Mark studies. Mark helped you moved in and he helped you fix your dorm making your place comfortable. Honestly Mark took care of everything, he was the one who looked for a decent dorm near your university and he made sure that you’re not going to be overwhelmed by everything that’s happening right now. And that if you miss home, he can always go to you.

“I’ll make you feel at home. I’ll be your home. I won’t let you down this time. I promise.”

................................................. Masterlist

Hey there! Thanks for reading if you came to this point hihi. And in return, I would like to say that this is a true story of how I cheated when I was in high school. Not that Im proud that I cheated, It’s just what I do here in my blog. I overshare and if that makes you uncomfortable, I’m sorry. Going back to the story, (I’ll just use Mark and Haechan’s name so you wont get confused.)

The real ending was not good. I ended up breaking up with Mark too and I never talked to Mark ever again., then I came back to Haechan, and Haechan cheated on me too in the end. And then we broke up for good.  After that when I started college, all the boys that I’ve been with, cheated on me. And maybe that’s my karma. I can only hope that my future husband will never cheat on me. Lesson. 1. Cheating is cheating, don’t wait for karma to get back to you. 2. Dont cheat. I learned my lesson the hard way. AND THAT IS THAT, THANK YOU AGAIN. IF YOU HAVE QUESTIONS YOU CAN SEND ME A MESSAGE AND WE CAN TALK TIL THE SUN GOES DOWN, or up.. 

[thedreammweaver]

On the Wings of a Snow White Dove (Burton-schumacherverse 50s au, southern!riddlebird, pastor!Oswald)

(A/N: This is heavily inspired by the film The Devil All The Time which I very much recommend keeping in mind the triggering aspects of the film and proceeding with caution of course.)

Warnings: Murder, abuse, homophobia, blood, viscera, smoking, talk of hate crimes, alcoholism

It was hot in the church that day. Ed only came to get away from his father who was no doubt drunk at home. He bounced his leg trying not to think about it, choosing to focus on the sermon instead though he was more there for the person preaching it.

“Now, people have assumed that I hate God for the way he created me,” Oswald continued, circling around to the podium “but let me tell y’all somethin’, if my parents hadn’t left me at that orphanage with the good sisters that raised me I would have never found the lord. It is because of these deformities that I stand up here in front of you today. So no I do not think it was a mistake or a curse or whatever else folks wanna call it, I think of it as a gift given to me so that I would be able to give the gift of god to you fine people.” There were multiple murmurs of ‘amen’ and the like from the congregation. “It’s hot out there ain’t it, folks?” Oswald chuckled, he switched his gaze to look directly at Edward “It’s only gonna get hotter..”

“You’re good at bullshittin’, huh?” Ed laughed, absently smoothing out the picnic blanket he and Oswald were on. “Yeah, I suppose so.” He was leaning on one of his elbows, staring up at the sky, and puffing on a cigar. Ed had neglected getting fully dressed again, staying in just his briefs was helping with the heat. Oswald, despite being more sensitive to the temperature, preferred to be covered up. His suit jacket and tie were the only things still off.

“How much of that sermon was true?”

Oswald scoffed “None of it. Wasn’t ever any orphanage, my folks weren’t that nice.” Oswald sighed “They threw me in a sewer...and then I got picked up by a circus. Being raised by nuns would’ve been a lot nicer, I can tell you that, but people like pretty sob stories.”

“So..you don’t even believe in god and all that?” Ed asked as he turned to lay on his back, trying to make it clear he was just curious and not judging.

“Honey, I knew there wasn’t a god the first time I looked in a mirror.” Oswald laughed, his chuckles were mixed with small coughs. That statement made Ed a bit sad, he thought Oswald was the most beautiful person he’d ever seen. “How can you stand up there and talk like that if you don’t even believe that stuff?” Ed wasn’t a very good liar himself and was amazed at Oswald’s ability to captivate a crowd with virtually nothing.

“There was this ‘faith healer’ in the circus, I snuck off to his tent to watch him when he did his schtick. The power he had over those people...I wanted power like that...so I got him to teach me everything he knew then I killed him.”

Ed sat up “You what?”

Oswald rolled his eyes “Oh hush, it ain’t any different from those boys killin’ overseas. Only difference is some bigwig gave em’ permission to do it.” Oswald tenderly placed the cigar between Ed’s lips so he could take a puff “Don’t worry, I would never hurt a hair on your pretty little head.” Oswald cooed.

“Where were you?” Ed startled at his father’s voice as he was coming through the door. “At church.” Ed was trying to keep his voice steady. “Church ended two hours ago, boy. Where were you?” His dad was in his arm chair lighting a cigarette “Close the goddamn door, you’re lettin’ too much light in.” Ed did as he was told and gently shut the door “Reverend Cobblepot wanted me to stay behind to help with one of his sermons.”

“Why did he want you, you’re about as dumb as a bucket a rocks.” Ed’s father laughed, before getting serious and leaning forward “Ms. Kyle told me she saw y’all go in the woods together.”Ed felt himself starting to lose his nerve “Reverend Cobblepot focuses better out there..”

“Uh huh...” Ed’s father looked at him suspiciously. “You gonna be late home every week then?”

“Yes..if I’m allowed to be, sir.” Ed was avoiding the older man’s gaze.

“I guess if it’s church...then you can.” Ed’s father huffed.

Ed snuggled into Oswald’s chest as they sat in the shorter man’s car. He’d been able to sneak away while his dad was at a bar, hopefully drinking so much he wouldn’t be lucid enough to pick on Ed in the morning. “I love you..” Ed felt himself whisper into the buttons of Oswald’s shirt. Oswald was a bit shocked, Ed had never said that before “I love you too.” A few seconds passed before Ed began sobbing. Oswald held Ed close and petted his hair as he cried.

Ed was eagerly getting ready for church when his father came into his room. “Don’t bother with all that. You’re coming out to the woods with me today.”

“But, Dad, what about chur-“

“Don’t argue with me, boy. You’re coming to the woods with me, I got somethin’ to show you.”

Ed felt uneasy walking in the woods with his father. The older man stopped as they came up on a clearing. “I want you to look out there at that nature and stuff and....think about the lord.” Ed was confused but he did so. His confusion turned into terror as he heard the hammer of a gun being pulled back. He spun around to see that his father now had a pistol aimed at him.

“Don’t look at me. I don’t want you lookin’ at me while I do this.”

“D-Dad, wh-“

“You’re sick. You and that damned preacher, you’re both sick. He ain’t my responsibility but you are, it’s my job to put you down.”

“D-Da-“

“TURN AROUND!!”

Ed was shaking and crying as he did so, his dad continued talking “You should be thankful. People like you usually get beat to death or strung up, ‘specially in these parts. Be glad I’m doing this the humane way.”

“Daddy, please, I-I-I’m sorry..I won’t do it again I promise.” Ed blubbered through his uneven panicked breaths. He jumped as he heard a gunshot thinking surely he was about to be hit with a wave of pain...but it never came. Instead he heard a thud in the grass behind him. When he turned around he saw his father on the ground with the back of his head blown open, blood and brains splattered all over the grass. He looked up to see Oswald stowing a pistol of his own back in his back pocket. Without thinking on it much Ed ran over to hug the shorter man tightly, Oswald having to practically catch him as he melted into sobs. “It’s okay now, honey. You’re safe.” Oswald whispered, letting Ed wail into his chest.

“I have no idea how you can eat right now..” Ed mumbled from where he was sitting in Oswald’s lap. His own stomach had been in knots since they’d disposed of his father’s body. “It’s not easy to make me lose my appetite, Eddie.” Oswald chuckled, stuffing another piece of catfish into his mouth. Ed laid his head on Oswald’s shoulder, feeling safe in the other man’s home instead of at his dilapidated house with his father. He felt very relieved that he would never be going back.

[spnreactions]

15x15: Gimme Shelter

Alright guys! It’s time! 

Just a heads up, in case you haven’t figured it out yet, these posts usually come out later in the day, because even if I watch it live, I tend to do my reactions live, but then write up the full review later. In case you were wondering why the posts don’t usually come right away. 

Anyways! Let’s get down to it! 

Oof. Yep. We’re definitely on the serious track now, with a then like this. 

Also, I didn’t say this before, but I really love the “then” and “now” openings for this season. It’s beautiful with the Impala like that. <3 

Oof. Interesting flashback to Jack breaking out of the Ma’lak Box. 

...ew. Maybe it doesn’t taste as gross as it looks, but it looks gross. 

Jesus girls, chill. 

Okay, I already like the pastor. 

I’m watching live this week, and I’m in a FB group that’s commenting as we watch, and someone just pointed out that the pastor is Dr. Sexy MD!! Man I love when actors return like that. 

Ope. Connor’s gonna die. Poor kid. He seemed nice. 

...that teddy bear definitely wasn’t there when he was walking over before, but okay. 

UMMMMM...TALKING TEDDY!

NO THANK YOU!!! 

I HAVE A DOLL THING!!! NOT COOL!!! 

Hmmm...gotta be honest, I’m not sure how I’m feeling about Cohen’s directing on this one. :/

It had a talking teddy bear. I bet it is. 

Darkness. Nice pun. 

“He’s not that funny.” XD XD 

Dean you just want to go to Atlantic City whether Amara’s there or not don’t even deny it. XD 

Cas’s confused face will always be one of the cutest things ever. <3 

I love the way they’re all walking down the hallway together. It’s such a simple thing, but I like the way they’re positioned and everything. Point: Matt Cohen. 

SCENE FROM THE PROMO! 

Sure they can. 

“She and I used to have a thing” DEAN!! XD XD 

HIIIII JACK!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

Dude, let me tell you, I am so ready for some quality Cas and Jack content. 

I love all the different reactions here. Dean is trying to get Cas and Jack out of the house, which Jack is super excited about, and Cas is very not into. XD 

...wait, did they not tell him about Mrs. Butters? Or did they just not mention her name? 

Cas looking at Sam like “help me out here” and Sam being like “sorry but no”. XD 

Oh come on Cas. Look how excited Jack is! I love how enthusiastic he gets over every hunt. It’s adorable and I love him. (Yeah you’re gonna be hearing that a lot. XD)

Cas is like “you’re kidding me right?” 

“Highway to Heaven” XD XD 

THE SCENE!!

MY BABY IS SO EXCITED I LOVE HIS LITTLE SMILE AHHHH!!!! 

No matter how Cas is against going to deal with something so small fry when they’re in the middle of something so huge, he will still smile affectionately at his son, because he loves him. <3 <3 <3 

“Blue’s a good color on you.” XD XD <3 <3 

“Agent Swift.” XD XD XD XD 

“Agent Lovato.” I’M DEAD THESE TWO ARE THE BEST!!! XD XD XD XD

HE’S HOLDING HIS BADGE UPSIDE DOWN JUST LIKE CAS DID ON HIS FIRST HUNT I’M DEAD!! XD XD XD <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

A BABY YODA REFERENCE?! This show oh my god. XD XD XD 

“I just graduated from CSI.” JACK OH MY GOD YOU ADORABLE LITTLE BEAN!!! XD XD <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

Okay, I love watching Cas and Jack together, and I love watching them go on a hunt, but guys, could you at least TRY to be subtle? “Did you find tiny bags with chicken bones? Smell any sulfur? Feel cold?” Like, NO you two. XD XD 

The cop lady is just like “what the heck is wrong with these two?”

Oh. “Liar” isn’t a seven deadly sin thing. Maybe I was wrong about that. 

“For my stepson, Ronald.” JACK!! XD XD XD <3 <3 <3 I love him so much oh my god. 

For someone who’s new to hunting, that was actually an awesome cover. <3 <3 

Wait...speakers? Maybe it isn’t something supernatural after all? 

“Almost demonic.” Okay so that was a little more subtle. 

Okay Cohen, I take back what I said about your directing. That was a good shot of the stop sign. 

I love the way Jack’s sitting in the back of the truck. <3 <3 

Learning from Sam. <3 <3 <3 

Cas, there is no such thing as too many cats. His face when he says that though. XD 

THAT ENTIRE SEQUENCE ABOUT PARENT/GUARDIAN PERMISSION I’M DYING HOLY FRICK!!! XD XD XD XD <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

That was both the cutest and funniest thing ever and I just...I LOVE THEM AHHHH!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 

I feel like Cas is upset though. Like, he’s extra frustrated with the whole Amara and God thing. Not that I blame him of course. He’s just got a certain...coldness to him in this episode. But I like how it disappears whenever he’s talking to Jack. <3 <3 Good acting on Misha’s part. 

For example, that little soft smile when he looks over at Jack logging in to the social media account is so sweet and so cute and so undeniably fatherly. <3 <3 

Okay, gotta be honest: British demon? Totally hot. 

"Why is he talking like that?” he whispers, very loudly in a way that the party he is speaking of can definitely hear him. XD XD <3 <3 

“Because Zack has style.” 

WAIT!!! 

He’s not ACTUALLY British??!! 

Oh my god that shouldn’t have made me laugh, but it TOTALLY did. 

AND he made the “Highway to Heaven” reference just like Dean did! 

I love this demon holy frick. XD XD 

Cas’s and Jack’s confused expressions at his sudden change. XD 

“I would watch that show.” XD XD 

How this show manages to introduce a new character, however brief, and give him so much personality when we’re six episodes from the end is beyond my understanding, but man, it is one of the many reasons I love this show. <3 

Ha! “Demons are get, humans are just crazy” ring a bell? 

Ha! Of course Rowena has that philosophy. God I miss her. 

“You’re a deviant soul corrupted by Hell.” Ah, Cas, ever quick with the logical wit. XD 

Cas’s “and we’re done”. XD 

Zack is so desperate. 

And now, Zack is all of us during COVID. XD 

I love Zack. Take him with you. XD <3 

Oof. Too true, Cas. Too true. 

Awww...Jack. 

AWWW! Cas!!! Knowing his son wanted to be busy and help people. I LOVE THEM!!! 

THOSE SMILES AT EACH OTHER OH MY GOD SO CUTE!!! <3 <3 <3 

She’s gonna steal the money. 

Yep. Classy lady. *eye roll* 

Ope. And now she’s gonna die. 

AHHHH!! 

OKAY I TAKE THAT BACK!! BRING THE TEDDY BEAR BACK!! SCARY MASK IS WORSE!!! 

My mom and I both screamed jesus christ. 

“Focused.” Interesting phrasing, but okay. 

I like the way this phone call is happening. The back and forth is cool, and I like their easy talk with each other. 

Dean can’t just give straight advice. Ever. “Drink the Kool-Aid and sign up.” XD 

Oof. Jesus. 

Clearly Dean wasn’t talk about the Amara thing. 

Wait, this was over a two-day timeline? Huh. Okay then. 

Dean that doesn’t mean it doesn’t affect you stop. 

“Messengers of God’s Destruction”. 

No, but did any of us? 

“Least this time it’s not you or me.” Yeah, yet. 

That look Sam gives him means he had the same thought I did. 

Okay sorry, I am super not religious, and the God speak makes me want to barf. 

HA! JACK! XD 

See, this is why you have to give straight advice, Dean. I know that’s hard for you, being your chaotic bi self and all, but angels tend to take things literally, bud. XD 

Jack you dork. XD <3 

Geez girl. Be nice. 

Jack whispering again to try to be sneaky I love him. <3 

So that’s a yes then. 

Jesus. She’s a b***h. I don’t like her. 

That little head nod OMG!! <3 <3 

I LOVE THE CAS AND JACK TEAM UP THEY’RE SO CUTE!! <3 <3 

Oh. That was a sweet hug. 

My Mom: It’s him. It’s the pastor. He’s the bad guy. 

Oh! Greed! So this is a seven deadly sins thing! 

Ummm....that’s a little weird. Maybe this is as monster after all, with the tech working like that? 

But if it was a monster, why is she set up like that? 

Okay no, I take that back. I watch Criminal Minds, and this totally looks like something a serial killer would do. Especially the timer thing. 

“The new guy’s hot.” MEEEEE. That girl is me. XD <3 <3 <3 

EVERY. SINGLE. THING. JACK. DOES. IS. SO. STINKING. ADORABLE. <3 <3 <3 <3 

Boyfriend and girlfriend, I’m guessing? 

Awww...baby. :( 

Awww...Jack. :( :( 

Okay but, like, we’ve learned now, right? Don’t give her your whole story please and thank you. 

Oh okay. That’s okay. 

This girl is...off. Is it the acting, or is the character actually weird? I honestly can’t tell. 

Oof. Daddy issues alert. 

“I have more dads than most.” AWWW!!! XD XD XD <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

Wait baby no, you’re not letting them down stop that. :( :( :( 

Ew. “Put your trust in God, not people.” Now I hate her. Trust me honey, the last person Jack--or anybody, for that matter--should be putting his faith in is God. 

Oh okay then. 

Ha! I love Cas’s subtle little sass with the “faith-based community”. 

Oh. A.V. and tech. TV screen. Bingo. 

Yeah I don’t think it’s the pastor. He seems too innocent. 

...except he’s definitely not getting any father-of-the-year awards. But what else is new with this show. 

“It’s complicated.” What are you talking about?? Just say yes, Cas. 

Awww...soft side of Cas. <3 

Yeah no. It’s not the pastor. There’s no way. It must be that Brother Rudy dude. 

Ha! Awkward. XD 

That’s actually really nice. I like that idea, having a church community (sorry--faith-based community) helping other people like that. It’s sweet. 

Oh. Connor was gay. That honestly totally makes sense. Poor guy. :( 

I’m glad the pastor was accepting of him though! <3 <3 

Awww...that’s a good line. “A saint is a sinner who keeps trying.” 

I really hope it’s not the pastor. I like him. 

My Mom: Wait, have we just never seen them put gas in the car before? I had no idea it was behind the license plate! 

I’m thinking back and I didn’t know that either, so this must be the first time we’ve actually seen them, like, open it, and that’s HILARIOUS to me. XD 

OOOOH WAIT!! This is where they see Amara, according to the promo photos!! 

Oh heeeey girl. 

Wow she looks really pretty with that snow in her hair. 

She...she...smelled them? 

“You have a very distinctive musk.” “Thank you.” ARE THESE TWO STILL PINING FOR EACH OTHER? XD XD XD 

I like this Amara. She’s fun. 

My family and I always make kielbasa with our pierogis (I had no idea that that was how that was spelled, btw), so pierogis without the kielbasa feels wrong. XD 

Jensen’s facial expressions say so much all the time and I love it. XD 

Oh boy. 

NOOOOOO!

WHAT IS IT WITH SUPERNATURAL AND FINGERS ON THIS SHOW JESUS!!

Okay, WHO is the timer for?? Like, is it just some form of slow torture?? Because it’s not like it’s being shown to anyone other than her. 

Ooh. I like that he’s listing off all of the different names for God. Good pastor. Please don’t be a bad guy. 

HIS FAMOUS “hello” OH MY GOD I LOVE HIM SO MUUUUUUUUCH!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 

...oof. Ummm....

Awww.... Poor baby. :( :( :( 

AWWW!! Dad Cas to the rescue!! <3 <3 <3 

Jack looking at his dad omg. <3 <3 

I already like this speech from Cas. I can tell it’s gonna be good. 

“I guess I found a family.” <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

JACK’S LITTLE SMILE!!! 

“And I became a father.” THERE IT IS!!! THERE. IT. IS!!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

THE WAY JACK LOOKS AT HIM AFTER HE SAYS THAT AHHHH!!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

AWWWW!!!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

GOOD SPEECH CAS!!! GOOD SPEECH!!! WAY TO MAKE YOUR SON FEEL BETTER!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 

Awww...I really like this pastor. <3 

FRIIIICK. 

Oh sh**. There’s the time for everyone else. 

JESUS!!!

Yeah okay. This is 100% a human being’s doing. A monster wouldn’t bother. 

Jack running over to turn it off right away. Ever the hero. <3 <3 

The pastor seemed too surprised to have done it, which, for me, puts pastor in the clear. Thank goodness. 

True, but also he sucks, so help us out Amara. 

Okay, I’m sorry, but quick side note. Everyone keeps saying he’s “very nearly done”, but when Dean looked in the telescope, he didn’t see anything. I thought that meant he was done. Unless it only reaches so far? I guess it probably only reaches so far in terms of other dimensions. 

Sure there is. 

“Our pal Jack.” That’s such a weird thing to hear him say, but okay. XD 

Also I’m not sure how I feel about them telling Amara about Jack. Like, I like her, and I feel like she’s gonna help, but what if she doesn’t? She could, whether intentionally or unintentionally, wind up seeing Chuck and mentioning Jack to him, and if she does, that ruins the whole plan. But, on the other hand, I guess they have to earn her trust, and keeping details from her would definitely make that harder. But I still don’t like it. It puts my baby in danger. Again. But anyways. 

Oh. Just like that? 

“I get he’s your brother” Dean says oh so casually, as if he hasn’t literally moved heaven and hell to protect and save his own brother. 

“Squirrely weirdo” XD XD 

Oh. The Big Bang. New theory. I like it. XD 

Sure he can. 

Ummm...yeah, Amara. You’re a fool. He doesn’t care about anyone but himself. Maybe he cares about you a little, but definitely not as much as you’re giving him credit for. Not right now anyways. 

Wait...she actually said no? No way. I thought they were gonna be able to convince her. Guess my initial theory was wrong... What does that mean though? Like...what now? 

Jack’s gonna come slamming through that door, according to the promo. 

Called it! 

Wait...why did Jack slam through it while Cas is just...casually standing there? You’re an angel, Castiel. XD 

“Lust” It is based on “Seven”! I love it! 

Welp...guess it’s not him. 

Wait, so we are walking away with a no? That never happens to us! 

THERE we go. Go get her Dean. 

Is it just me, or has Sam been, like, really not involved this episode?? Jared’s had, like, six lines. XD 

OH! Okay, the “then” makes sense now. 

Oof. You tell her, Dean. 

That she sucks. That’s what she wanted. Because she does. 

Wait NO WAY! That’s what I said! Kind of, anyways. 

Woooow. That’s actually pretty messed up, Amara. But it makes sense for why Mary was such a terrible character and why I hated her so much. She is only human. A sucky human, too. 

Is it, though? 

“That you could finally start to accept your life.” Okay, that’s actually kind of cool, and that’s awesome on the writers’ part for adding in that explanation of why everything went the way it did. Nice. 

But also, that’s pretty messed up Amara. 

Oooh. We’re about to get some awesome Jensen acting, aren’t we? 

Jensen’s trying not to cry face is so incredible wow. 

Awww....poor Dean. 

Jesus Amara. A little sympathy? 

OOF. I love that quiet fury that Dean has. 

OOH! He got her! 

YES DEAN!!! TELL HER! 

“Well now who’s living in a dreamworld?” ...ouch. But true. 

...oh boy. That was a bold-faced lie. But so brilliantly told, Dean. 

After ALL THAT, you’re going to THINK ABOUT IT? Really??!! 

But hey! I KNEW IT!! BEAUTIIFUL acting moment on Jensen’s part!! AWESOME scene. <3 <3 <3 <3 

Oh! It’s the girl. I’m calling it. 

Yep. Daughter. 

I KNEW SHE WAS BEING WEIRD! 

See?! Super religious people are crazy!! 

Go Cas and Jack go! 

Ope. Cas is gonna heal, and Jack is gonna attack. Go boys go! 

Cas is gonna heal in front of all those people oof. 

Girl has ISSUES. 

Wow, this girl is WAAAAY too religious. Chill. 

Yeah, cause you need help. 

HEY!!! NOT COOL SYLVIA!!! 

Oof. Yeah nice try, but that’s not gonna work. 

I love how Jack just takes it and then heals all bada** like “yeah sorry but no”, but then he still looks up with the kindest and most innocent expression and I love it. <3 

Meanwhile Cas is like “yeah I’m not having any of this.” XD XD 

Does...does he always have to say sleep when he does it? Cause he didn’t used to, and for some reason, that was hilarious. XD 

Jack’s little nod. So cute. <3 <3 

Fixed her fingers, but couldn’t wash the blood off. XD 

Yeah ummm...how you gonna explain that one, Cas? 

At least pastor dude seems nice. And, like, being the good kind of religious, he’ll probably be totally cool with the angel thing. 

Wait, pastor dude is still processing this when morning hits? Okay then. 

“Not a very good one.” WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?! You are literally the BEST angel, thank you very much. 

Man that girl is MESSED UP. 

And Jack still feels sorry for her, my baby. :( <3 <3 

Ah. Nothing like your daughter becoming a murderer for you to finally step into a proper role of fatherhood. 

WAIT A SECOND! IT’S ZACK!! 

Dude waaait. What does that mean?? That’s, like, a really random thing. Does that mean she’s gonna come back? Or that Zack is gonna come back? I’m not sure what that means. That seems so random! I DEMAND ANSWERS SUPERNATURAL! 

The way Cas looks at Jack after the pastor says that about looking after her better. Cas I don’t know what you’re thinking, but you’re the best father Jack could’ve asked for, okay? 

Awww! Cas and Jack talk time!! <3 <3 

Cas is trying so hard to help him I love him. <3 

NO YOU DON’T STOP!! THIS IS WHAT FAMILY IS FOR!! WHHHHYYY are all you Winchesters like this. 

Wait. WAIT! He was hiding something?! I hate it when Sam’s right. 

Wait WHAT?! 

HOLD ON!!! 

NOOOOO NO NO NO NO NO!!! NO! JACK NO!!! That is NOT ALLOWED!!! 

HOLD ON A SECOND!!! NO!!! THAT IS NOT WHAT I WAS EXPECTING WTF??!!! 

Wait wait wait. A bomb?? Like, just like S11?? Because no. No no no. We’re not doing this again. JACK YOU ARE NOT GONNA DIE WTF??!! 

THIS THROWS ALL OF MY THEORIES OUT THE WINDOW NOOOO!!! IT CAN’T BE JACK!!! I REFUSE!!! :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( 

WE JUST GOT YOU BACK!!! WE CAN’T LOSE YOU AGAIN!!! :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( :’(

Cas’s face is all of my emotional screeching right now. 

WHAT DO YOU MEAN “Don’t tell Sam and Dean.” ARE YOU KIDDING ME JACK??!! THESE ARE YOUR DADS!! THEY NEED TO KNOW!!! YOU CAN’T DO THIS!!! CAS WON’T LET YOU!!! 

JACK NOOOO!!! STOP IT WITH ALL OF YOUR GUILT! GOD you’re such a Winchester!! NO!! DEAN BAKED YOU A DANG BIRTHDAY CAKE FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!! YOU DON’T NEED TO DIE FOR HIM TO FORGIVE YOU!!! 

I’M HAVING SUCH A HARD TIME TYPING RIGHT NOW WTF IS THIS SCENE??!! :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( 

Me too, Cas!!! 

SEE JACK??!! YOU CAN’T!! 

NO! WHAT IS THAT?! 

NO!! STOP IT!!! STOP IT YOU STUPID IDIOT NO!!! YOU CANNOT SACRIFICE YOURSELF LIKE THIS!!! THEY WON’T LET YOU!!! 

Cas tell Sam and Dean. Please.

Oh WAIT! We have, like, two minutes left craaap. This is the scene from the promo. Cas is gonna say Sam and Dean need to know something and then it’s gonna end. I’m calling it right now. 

YES CAS!! GO CAS GO!! SAVE YOUR SON!!! 

Yep. Here it is. It’s gonna cut off. 

GODDA**IT!! I HATE IT WHEN I’M RIGHT!!! 

WHY YOU GOTTA DO ME LIKE THAT SUPERNATURAL??!! You can’t just...DROP A BOMB like that and then NOT RESOLVE IT GOD DA**IT!! SCREW YOU WRITERS!!! 

AHHHHH!!! I NEED NEXT WEEK RIGHT NOW!!! AHHHHH!!! THIS IS SO NOT OKAY!!!! 

If I deny it ever happened, then it didn’t happen, right? Jack and Cas solved the case, Sam and Dean got Amara’s help, and they all went home and had family dinner, okay? New ending. There we go. Problem solved. Because NO! 

Well...f**k. I guess it’s review time?? But JESUS CHRIST!!! Okay, okay, I need a minute. Please hold. 

(Several Hours Later)

Okay. I’m back. Let me start with something kind of amusing. Several minutes after the episode ended, while I was still trying to process everything, this interaction happened: 

Me, breathing heavily and dying inside: Mom, you do not seem as distressed about this as I am. 

My Mom: I am never as distressed as you are about anything in this show. It’s impossible for me to reach that level of distress. I don’t know how you do it. 

So...if you didn’t already realize how emotionally connected to this show I am, now you do. XD 

That said, let’s get down to it. 

God, there is soooo much to unpack with that episode, and even crazier, it honestly all comes from that last five minutes. Let me start with this: 

I really enjoyed this episode! It can’t quite beat last week’s episode--but, honestly, I don’t know if any of the other episodes will be able to, except for maybe the finale--but it was good! I had a few qualms about Matt Cohen’s directing, but he definitely had some strong moments, so it wasn’t bad. And, admittedly, at first, I felt like the pacing of the episode was kind of slow, and switching back and forth between the Winchesters and Cas and Jack felt kind of choppy for a bit, but as the episode played out, I realized why. This was a full-on set-up episode. While last week gave us a chance to be silly with the boys and see some beautiful family bonding, this was the one that set us up for what’s sure to be heavy and plot-filled coming up. (And yes, I know next week’s episode is much more of a monster-of-the-week, but 15x17 is when things will likely really get down to it, so I’m sure there’ll still be some important plot stuff next week--especially since we need a resolution to the Cas and Dean talk). Between the boys having to find and trick Amara, and Cas and Jack bonding and working with each other again, plus that big reveal at the end, it’s setting up the next string of episodes to be fast-paced and intense as they finally start to take on God. 

With that said, I really loved being able to see Jack and Cas together again. It’s been so long since we’ve seen them really spend time together and bond, and watching them play off each other and be father and son was adorable and hilarious. Plus, I just love Jack with every fiber of my being, so that makes everything better. XD <3 

I also really loved Dean’s interactions with Amara. I mentioned this already, but that scene, where he’s talking about Mary...that was some INCREDIBLE acting on Jensen’s part. He’s always been really good at that subtle rage, especially when it’s also filled with sadness, and this scene was no different. And I’m glad that they did finally get Amara on board; however, I’m a little concerned with what she’s going to do when she finds out he lied. Especially after how worried she seemed to be. AND SPEAKING OF LYING!!

THOSE LAST FIVE MINUTES! HOLY SHIT!! 

Okay, so I’ve had some time to think about this and talk it out with some people, so I’m just gonna roll with the thoughts as they go through my brain. First of all, that is a big no a thousand times over. Jack, you cannot die. Second of all, that reveal was very well done on the writer’s part. After such a nonchalant episode--in terms of pace, that is--to have that in the last five minutes, AND to end with that cliffhanger, was a beautiful way to keep us fans guessing, invested, and wanting more. But also, SCREW YOU! 

That said, as freaked out as I was--and honestly, I’m still pretty worried--I really don’t think Jack’s going to die. There’s no way. Initially, my theory left Cas and Jack standing at the end of all of this. After CW said that thing about one of the main characters not surviving to the end, I thought it was gonna be Dean, but I can also see how it could be both Sam and Dean. However, in any case, Cas and Jack, in my various theories, always end up on top. So Jack saying he’s going to die in order to kill Chuck and Amara TOTALLY threw me. BUT! After talking it through with someone else, I seriously doubt it’s going to happen. 

First of all, Cas is about to go look for another way, and, as we’ve seen in the past, they always find another way. After all, this is the Winchesters (and yes, Cas counts, obviously). 

Second of all, they’re telling us this five episodes before the end, but Jack is, supposedly, completing his final ritual in 15x17. That leaves three episodes of unaccounted time, and if Jack is really going to die to kill Chuck and Amara, there’s no way they can stretch that over three episodes. Therefore, his dads are bound to stop it. To FURTHER that, 15x17 has Jack and Dean heading out together to complete Jack’s final ritual while Sam and Cas stay behind, which means that, once Jack does whatever he’s supposed to do, Dean is bound to find out what Billie’s true intentions are, and I’m convinced that he’s not going to be okay with it. Because here’s the thing. Between Sam and Dean, Jack is the one that Dean still needs the most forgiveness from. And, kind of like what happened in Last Holiday, the second Dean realizes Jack is in actual danger, he’s not going to let anything happen to him. And I’m hoping that the resulting protectiveness will give Dean the chance to tell Jack that he does forgive him, which will hopefully release some of Jack’s guilt complex and give them the ability to find another way. 

THIRD of all, (and I mentioned this in my reactions), this whole “becoming the bomb to kill the cosmic entities” is an exact mirror of what Dean tried to do in S11, and we saw how that went. But the thing is, why would the writers play the exact same storyline again unless they were intending to parallel it and connect it to Jack and Dean’s relationship now? When Dean didn’t detonate in S11, he got his mom back, but then Jack killed her. Now, Jack is ready to detonate himself as a bomb because of having killed Mary, and Dean’s bound to stop him, especially after that conversation with Amara. Maybe this is all wishful thinking, but I really, sincerely feel like (and hope) that Jack isn’t going to make that sacrifice. Because, on top of all of that, while I love the family that is Team Free Will 2.0, this show still is, as it always has been, about Sam and Dean, and, as such, it should end with them too. So the odds of Jack being the “be all end all” without Sam and Dean’s help? Super slim. 

So, to sum that up, as worried as I am about my baby, I really really really think (and god I hope I’m right) that that’s not the way this story will end. There has to be more to it. 

With all of that addressed, let’s talk about WHATEVER it is that Cas is about to tell Dean. For me, there are two things it could be:

First, there’s the obvious answer based on the episode itself. Cas is about to tell Dean that Jack has to die in order to kill Chuck and Amara. However, I don’t think that’s it, because that seems too easy and unrealistic. If Cas tells Dean that now, then why would Dean take him to do his final ritual in 15x17 (I guess this is what happens when you read too much promotional material lol)? And even if he does, the next episode seems to be very Sam and Dean centric, and Cas dropping a bomb like that would not allow for a Sam and Dean centric episode, at least not when it’s putting their whole big mission in a different light. Plus, on top of all of that, that Cas and Jack conversation is an exact parallel of the conversation the two of them had about Cas making his deal with the Empty back in Season 14. Cas told Jack not to tell Sam and Dean, and Jack never did, even though his life is at risk. So Cas telling Sam and Dean about Jack now, knowing that Jack kept that secret for him, might break a certain level of trust between the two of them, and I don’t think Cas would do that. Which brings me to my second and, in my opinion, more likely theory. 

Cas is about to tell Dean about his deal with the Empty. While this would also be a huge bomb to drop in the middle of this big fight, and in the middle of all this chaos, it technically doesn’t directly correlate with their fight with Chuck. However, if something does happen to Cas, that’s something that Sam and Dean do need to know, because it’ll affect how they handle things and what they do, in a lot of ways. At the same time, I feel like, if Cas is gonna do a whole “go it alone” thing, it’s important that he tells them before he leaves, because there’s no telling what could happen, to any of them, when they’re not all together, and being as open as possible before separating like that tends to be a good idea. It seems like Cas might finally be learning. 

That said, I could be wrong all around. It could be neither of those things. It could be both of those things. Honestly, there’s no way to know for sure until we get to next week. However, after a crazy ending like that, I am definitely looking forward to seeing what Supernatural has in store for us next. 

My Rating: 8/10

[thinkingaboutyoungroyals]

Could you please do another Kid!Tyrus fic like Bright. Kid!Tyrus makes me so soft uwu uwu uwu Thanks!!!

Thank you for this! I’ve decided to use this opportunity to write a prequel to “Renewal Of Vows”. So, if you want to know what happens after this one, go ahead and read that one right after!

(A/N: I’m not taking any prompt requests at the moment as I am putting all my energy and inspiration to finishing the remaining ones in my inbox. Thank you for your understanding!)

……..

The sand was warm under his crossed legs and stuck to his skin like they were made of glue. Six-year-old Cyrus liked the feel of it, giggling to himself as he made his Velociraptor toy chase his triceratops.

“Rawrrr, I’m gonna eat you, Mr. Triceratops!” he squealed before deepening his voice, “Noooo, you can’t! I have a daughter!” He made his voice high again, “Then, I’ll eat her too!”

He made the two dinosaurs chase each other until Mr. Triceratops fell into quicksand but was saved by Mrs. Apatosaurus who scared off the mean Mr. Velociraptor.

“Thank you, Mrs. Apatosaurus! Anytime, Mr. Triceratops! Do you and your family want to have dinner with my family? We’re having maple leaves! We’d love to join you!”

“Cy! Cy! Cy!”

Cyrus looked up to see his best friend in the world Tyler running towards him, lunch box in his hand.

The little boy lit up. “Tyler! Where were you?! You missed Mr. Velociraptor almost eat Mr. Triceratops!”

The blonde-haired boy clambered up on the sandbox and sat next to him. “Did he eat him?”

“Of course not! Mrs. Apatosaurus saved him and now they’re having dinner together.” He gestured to the little set up he made of a nice family dinner of the two dinosaurs’ families. “Do you want to be Mrs. Apatosaurus?”

“Sure!”

Tyler moved closer to the Apatosaurus family.

For the next few minutes, with the other kids around them paying them no mind, the two boys played with the dinosaurs. They let them eat dinner, make small talk, and even have a food fight before Mr. Triceratops’ family decided they wanted to go home.

Then, side-by-side, they opened their lunchboxes to get their snacks before they had to go back inside to do more kindergarten stuff. Cyrus shared his Tupperware of blueberries with Tyler and Tyler split his chocolate-chocolate muffin with Cyrus.

“Oh, cool, mom gave me a ring pop!” Tyler took out the wrapped candy. It was blueberry flavored.

Cyrus felt a little jealous. He wasn’t allowed to eat much candy (his mom said it would give him cavities). He tried not to show his envy as Tyler opened the package and taking out the ring pop. It glistened in the sun, looking so sweet and yummy.

Then, to his surprise, Tyler handed him the candy. “Do you want to get married?” he asked.

Cyrus blinked. “Huh?”

Tyler lowered his eyes to look at the sand, almost shyly. 

“I saw it on T.V. last night. It looked fun. And I asked my dad why people get married and he said it’s because they love each other and want to be together forever. That’s why he married mom. So, I want to be together forever with you, Cy!”

That must be why his mom and dad got married too. Even though they always fought (they didn’t know that Cyrus knew, it was a secret), but they’ll always be together forever.

Happily, Cyrus nodded. “Sure! That sounds like fun!”

He wanted to be together with Tyler forever and ever, too! He was his best friend!

He took the ring pop and slid it on his pointer finger. It was a little loose so he curled his finger over it so it wouldn’t fall off.

Beside him, Tyler looked so happy. “I’m gonna go ask someone to be the priest! Oh, maybe Timmy can do it!”

Without another word, Tyler got up and started running. Cyrus let him go, knowing that he was going to come back with the kid whose dad was a pastor or something.

Feeling a little daring, Cyrus lifted the candy up to his lips and licked, tasting the sweet flavor followed by the sourness. He felt a little guilty because he technically wasn’t allowed to have it, but Tyler gave it to him. It would be rude not too.

Soon, Tyler came back, another blonde boy with him, who looked confused.

“Here’s Timmy! Come on! Let’s get married!”

“Okay!”

They took a moment to arrange the dinosaur toys properly, as they were witnesses to this momentous occasion. 

A few of the girls heard about their plans to get married and came by, holding flowers they plucked from the playground. They gave some to Cyrus and Tyler too, telling them that all brides hold flowers but since they were both boys, they both got to have some.

Facing each other, Timmy began. “Um… I’m not really sure what to say,” he said, confused.

Tyler frowned. “Well, what does your dad say when people get married?”

Timmy took a moment to think before nodding. “Okay. I now pronounce you husband and wife!”

“But, we’re both boys,” Cyrus interrupted, glad that he remembered a husband was usually a boy and a wife was a girl.

“Fine.” Timmy cleared his throat. “I now pronounce you husband and husband. You may kiss the bride.”

A moment of silence. A beat or two. No one else talked.

Finally, Tyler broke the silence with, “That’s it?”

Timmy shrugged. “Yeah. Can I go now? No one’s on the swing and it’s my turn.”

Without waiting for an answer, he left.

The girls watching left, too.

“Huh, I thought it was going to be longer,” said Tyler, confused before shrugging. “Oh, well. Can I kiss you now?”

Cyrus scrunched his eyebrows. “We have to kiss?”

“Yeah, that’s what I saw on T.V.”

“Oh. Okay!”

Smiling happily, Tyler leaned forward and kissed his nose. Cyrus giggled, his nose twitching. It was his favorite kind of kiss, his parents did it to him all the time.  

Now that the wedding was over, the two boys sat back down in the sandbox with the dinosaurs. Cyrus put the ring back in its wrapper and put it in his lunchbox for later (so he could ask his mom for permission to eat it.)

They still had some time before recess ended and they had to go back in so they started building some houses for the dinosaurs.

“Hey, can I marry you for real when we grow up?” Tyler randomly asked, as he decorated Mrs. Apatosaurus’ house.

“Really? You want to?” Cyrus asked.

“Yeah! We’ll have a big house and a giant swimming pool!”

A giant swimming pool?! That sounded awesome!

“Can we have a pet dolphin, too?” he asked, eagerly. “He can live in the pool!”

“Yeah! What should we name him?”

Cyrus paused to think for a moment. “Flipper!”

“Awesome name! I like it!”

“Me too!”

They continued to play, making plans for their future house. They were going to have a game room and room just for Cyrus’ dinosaur collection and the kitchen will have nothing but cookies, muffins, and candy.

When recess was over, the teacher called out to everyone and they all went back inside to do some art. They were making houses out of glue and popsicle sticks. Tyler made their future house, pointing out where the swimming pool with Flipper would be, the game room, Cyrus’ dinosaur room, and their kitchen full of snacks.

It was better than the house Cyrus made but Tyler told him that could be their summer home.

Before they knew it, school was done for the day.

Hand-in-hand, the two boys made their way out of the school to wait for their parents, their hands swinging between them. Cyrus hummed a little song under his breath.

Today was a lot of fun!

“Hey… um… I have something to tell you,” Tyler suddenly spoke.

Cyrus gave him a questioning look. “What is it?” he asked.

Tyler looked sad all of a sudden. Cyrus didn’t like it when his best friend was sad.

“Tyler!”

They both turned their heads to see Tyler’s mom waving as she walked up to them.

Quickly, Tyler turned to him, looking panicked. “You’re the best friend I’ve ever had,” he said, quickly. “And the best husband. Okay?”

Confused, Cyrus nodded, anyway. “And you’re the best friend and best husband I’ve ever had, too!” He pulled at the other boy’s hand. “Are you okay, Tyler?”

The blonde boy smiled, but it didn’t look real. “Yeah.” Then, he let go of Cyrus’ hand and gave him a tight bear hug. “I’ll miss you.”

Cyrus hugged back just as tight. “I’ll miss you, too! I’ll see you on Monday!”

Tyler let go just as his mom reached them.

She greeted Cyrus before taking Tyler’s hand and leading him away. Tyler turned his head back to look at him.

Cyrus waved at him and the other boy waved back.

They continued waving at each other until Tyler was in his mom’s car and they drove away.

………..

That Monday, Cyrus arrived at kindergarten with a box of cookies and a watermelon-flavored ring pop for Tyler. 

He hoped that his best friend and husband was feeling better, but if he wasn’t, Cyrus had these treats for him! And he would even play whatever game Tyler wanted that day!

But, class started and Tyler didn’t come. Cyrus figured he might be sick.

He brought the box of cookies and ring pop everyday for a week.

But… Tyler never came back to school.

Everyday, Cyrus waited and waited and waited…

He finally asked his teacher about it, one day, and she told him the truth.

Tyler had moved. He didn’t even say goodbye.

And Cyrus cried, not understanding the hurt in his chest that wouldn’t go away for a long time.

Eventually, he learned to go through the rest of kindergarten and first grade without his best friend. Then, he met Buffy and Andi in the second grade and found his new best friends. 

Soon, the blonde boy who shared his snacks with him, played dinosaurs with him, and married him on the playground became but a distant yet fond memory.

Who would have thought he would meet him again, years later, on the playground, going by the name of T.J.?

[didon]

My two cents on this whole Taylor Swift drama

I normally only reserve my rants for tv shows, but I’ve seen enough crap in the last day that I kinda want to add a little to it.

First of all, I’m not a swiftie or whatever her die hard fans call themselves. Do I like some of her music sure, but there are other songs that make me cringe the same way there are things that happened with her that made me dislike her and others where I’m now looking back at and thinking that it was just me wanting to fit in and that it was ‘’cool’’ to hate on her. Cause I think that there really is a movement where you have to hate on successful women because they are not perfect until the point where they are no longer human beings but actual mythological creatures that we must revere or die otherwise (Beyonce and the Bee Hive come to mind). Has Taylor always been right? Nope. It’s that simple, she has done some not so great things and instead of trying to understand them, I just went with the motion of hating her because I thought it made me special (it did not).

Secondly, to the people saying that he didn’t bully her, that it was his client, remind me his job again? Dudebro is a manager. His job is literally to MANAGE people, to make sure that the celebrities he has under his care not only receive the best but are also perceived as great. Seems like him allowing Bieber to post a dig at a woman for no reason and then not issue an apology right after was a bad managing decision because the only thing it did is make him and his clients seem like pissy little boys that can’t take people not agreeing with him. Him allowing Kanye (because tell me how he could not have vetoed that whole video that I’ll talk about later) to show someone that he knew Kanye had a troubled relationship with naked WITHOUT that person permission is a bad management decision. Especially since it could have led to more than one lawsuits toward his client. I feel like a manager normally tries to avoid his clients getting sued. So either he allowed her to be bullied by his clients and probably had his own hand in it or he’s shitty as his job and should not be allowed to manage anybody. Because it has to be one or the other, there is no third options where he didn’t advise his clients not to do bad things and had no knowledge of it. If anything, he could have at the very least if that was the case wrote his own appology for being in Bieber instagram. No instead he chose to stay silent, giving his approval toward it and to keep people that were attacking a female celebrity for pissy reasons as clients.

Thirdly, concerning the whole Bieber thing. Dude has to stop talking. He is not someone that can truly speak having grown up being influenced by Dudebro. Didn’t he sign Bieber when he was still a minor and everything? And yet he allowed him to make a fool of himself more than once, to be agressive toward more than one person knowing that it could cost sales. Dudebro was both a bad manager and a bad friend toward Bieber. Bieber who seems to act as if a lot of his fanbase isn’t young influencable girls that he is pushing toward not only bad decisions like bullying someone else because the friend of a friend doesn’t like them and also supporting people that are homophobic. Because let’s remember that for a long time (and I think still now but I’m not 100% sure), Bieber was friend with this pastor who was known for being homophobic. You can’t call someone coming at your friend a bully, but then have one of your close friend be someone telling others that something they have no choice in makes them bad, evil in some cases and that the one person that is supposed to love them (I’m talking about God here for the Catholics) hates them. How many queer people are we going to lose to suicide because they are constantly told by some biggots that God hate them, that they are going against everything that is good, that they shouldn’t be allowed near children, etc.? And no saying that just because you attend his congregation and hang out with him doesn’t mean you don’t agree with him. This isn’t the same as someone prefering strawberry milk over chocolate milk, this is someone spewing hate to who not only are you giving a platform by being near them (because yes it does), but are listening to. How many young teens are going to see that guy and go ‘’hey Bieber follow him so maybe he’s right’’? When you chose to be a celebrity, yes it means that you lose part of your privacy, but it also means that you should be obligated to lend your voice to those who aren’t listened to. Taylor Swift did that with her letter against homophobia, with her video and her support of queer artists. Bieber does that by giving a biggot relevance and then getting mad when his ‘’friends’’ are called out on their bad behaviours.

Fourtly, the whole Kardashian/Kanye thing. I can’t believe it’s 2019 and it has to be addressed but it is NEVER okay to showcase somebody else’s naked body even if it’s for ‘’Art’’ without their permission. His video was not only revenge porn, it’s an attack on her. Revenge porn is mostly defined as sharing private pictures of someone. This isn’t the case. She didn’t send his a naked wax art of her body. As far as I’m concerned, this is straight up violating her privacy and her body. And not only hers but the one of everybody else included in that video. Sure he probably has the signed statement from his wife saying it was okay, but does he has the one from every single other person? Also stating where their wax double would be placed? Because I’m pretty sure that Rihanna wouldn’t have said yes to her body being exploited by a man and placed next to someone who’s biggest relevance is the fact that he ABUSED her. It’d be the same as a celebrity asking fans to stop drawing porn of them and then getting backlash from their fans because they believe that they own that celebrity body. Your body is your own and no egomaniac should be allowed to have a naked wax statue made of it and put it in his video. Speaking of videos, Kim’s one is void. Not only is it clear that the video has been edited, but it was ILLEGAL!! A court would not take it as proof of anything just based on this alone. This is the same as a cop breaking and entering to get proof to arrest someone because a warrant takes too long and he’s sleeping with the other suspect. I don’t care if she actually agreed to one line and not the other or whatever. The whole video is void and should never be mentionned because it’s something illegal that again violated someone’s privacy which a celebrity should really know about. Especially Kim. The whole claim that Kanye made Taylor famous is ridiculous too. Bitch didn’t make her famous, he made an ass of himself. She became famous with her own hard work and good strategy (something her manager might have a hand into). What he did at that award show was just stealing a moment from a woman because he was prissy he didn’t get his way. There’s a reason why Beyonce gave the stage to Taylor and that everybody got mad at him. He took a young woman achievement and try to ruin it because it wasn’t what he wanted. That shows clear immaturity and if anything it made him more famous that it made her. She wasn’t known as Kanye’s victim, she was known as a singer while he was known as the guy that made an ass of himself and ruined a 20 years old big moment. I don’t care who deserved the award more or if he was right, nobody else does it and for a good reason. I may not have always have agreed with award winners, but you haven’t seen anybody stopping Matthew McConaughey speach saying sorry to interrupt but Chiwetel Ejiofor had one of the best performance ever. It’s almost like his manager should have stopped him from making a fool of himself.

Fiftly, just a little mention for Demi Lovato that came to Dudebro defence. Girl is coming out of a very emotional situation, is probably not 100% okay yet so don’t send her hate. Plus, she has known him about two months and he makes money off her so he has probably not been a dick to her. Her entire defence may even have his hand in it since people around her may be employed by his company. I almost killed myself over a year ago and I know that I’m still very emotional and that people can still have a big influence on me depending on how I’m feeling. I can’t imagine being around people that may not have your best interest 24h/7. On her claim that he is not homophobic because he signed her though, I will say that she can’t refute somebody’s experience with the man simply based on her own especially since she’s a famous artist that probably brings him a lot of money. Plus, while she’s a queer woman that consider herself fluid (and good for her tbh), it doesn’t mean that she has the same experience as a gay person. She has (mostly) dated men in the recent years and biphobic people will use it as an excuse to say that while she is ‘’fluid’’ she’s mostly straight (which is bull, but that might be how they see her in her mind). She can’t come at a gay man and say that because she’s also queer, the man cannot be a bigot toward anybody in the queer community. Heck, queer people in the queer community are bigots toward other members. How often do we hear transphobia or biphobia coming from queer people? The answer is too often. Especially black queer people who are often erased from their own history (*cough* stonewall and camp *cough*)! My own father was super friendly toward a trans tennant he had, calling her by her name and the right pronouns like it was nothing, only using her deadname on the official papers since it wasn’t officially changed, but to me he told me that if I came out as trans he would kick me out because I am his daughter not his son. If you asked that woman than yeah my dad is a great ally, but she wouldn’t know how he interacts with other queer people including his own daughter.

Finally, on the whole master thing. Shut up. She wrote the songs so I don’t care who owns the right right now or if they gave her a chance to ‘’buy’’ them back. This is her own work. When Devianart started selling artists art without their consent because they ‘’owned’’ it, how many people did I see on this website calling for a boycott? How many people were pissed and swore that it was horrible and that no artist should ever lose the right to their own art? Well, it’s exactly the same for her. Yes even for those songs of hers I hate. She put her time, her effort in them and so they should be hers. The idea that some white dudebro has right over them is ridiculous. The fact that he will own her feelings, a part of her soul should be upsetting especially since one of his artist already violated her body by showing it naked without her consent. I would be furious if I was raped and a friend of my rapist got the right to some of my writing. Heck, I would probably be a lot more agressive than she was in that post. The fact that she managed to stay polite and calm is a miracle if you ask me. Especially since he will be making money of a video that his friend and client didn’t even deem good enough to win an award!! Cause let’s remember that as cringy as it might be to look back at how we were all obsessed with some of her music video (god knows I was even though I would have never admitted it at the time), a man representing someone who put her down for one of them is going to make money off them. 

This is in no way acceptable and I encourage people to raise their voices against this and to keep those boys (because they are not men let’s be honest) accountable for their actions. Cause when Kesha needed help getting away from her rapist, Taylor Swift gave it to her and no matter how famous you are, you deserve to have people stand up for you. I’m not saying send hate, but keep holding men accountable for their shitty behaviours and for the creepy thing they say about women. We are not their objects, they do not own us in any way and we need to unite to stop them disrespecting us!! No matter your feeling on Taylor Swift and her music or her previous actions, this is something hateful that’s happening to her and women need to stand up and support each other! We own it to each other!!

[itsyourchoicedevotionals]

There’s A Problem

“Prophesy over these bones and say to them, ‘O dry bones, hear the word of the Lord.’ Thus says the Lord God to these bones, ‘Behold, I will cause breath to enter you that you may come to life.” Eze 37:4-5NKJV

From the outside, it was a mega-church. At the door, the old man greeted us with a handshake. Immediately, he began telling us about his unsaved son’s adulterous affair. The church auditorium could easily seat twenty-five hundred to three thousand people. I scanned the room, thinking, ‘we’re early?’ Then the music began playing, a good praise ensemble. Everything looked ordinary except for the attendance— one hundred thirty-six people, including us. (I count, when things bug me.) No one shook our hands, greeted us, save the old man. Even the pastor bypassed us, going completely around the section we sat in afterwards, to avoid contact. We went back a second time, to check out this phenomenon. Attendance was worse.

What’s going on? Churches are dying. Perhaps they know there’s a problem, perhaps not. Dad often said of a failing church, ‘God wrote Ichabod over the doorposts, but the congregation hasn’t realized it.’ (1Sam. 4:21KJV) “She named the child Ichabod, saying, The glory is departed…” When visiting churches, too many today are filled with old dry bones. Dried up ideas. Traditions without life or love in them. Some exhale death rattles because of “hope deferred,” Prov 13:12.

Our churches desperately need revival! Revivals like the great Welsh revival— so powerful that people fell on their faces in repentance— inside of taverns, along the roads, wherever the convicting power of God hit. Per ‘Truth in History’ website, the Welsh revival was described: “Meetings like it were taking place across Wales night after night, with fervent prayer and passionate singing - and similar disregard for the clock. They both excited and appalled, left many puzzled and some frightened, but it was reckoned that in less than a year, over a hundred and fifty thousand people had made a new commitment to Jesus Christ.”

Brownsville Revival, Pensacola Florida carried on nightly for around four years. According to their records over 200,000 people gave their lives to Jesus. Thousands of healings reported; songs born; lives changed forever. I experienced Brownsville. I heard angels join in the singing, (absolutely astounding!) Hundreds waited in line all day to get a seat down front. God held two seats down front for a drunk, who arrived with a cab driver. Before service, the drunk would give all his money to the cabby, each time, he went outside for a cigarette. As praise and worship rose to Jesus, I watched unseen hands push the drunk face down, to the floor. This happened at the beginning of each crescendo of praise. Finally, the drunk stayed face down, until preaching. When altar call came, he was the first to go forward, snot stringing from his chin, sobbing uncontrollably, seeking Jesus. That’s revival.

God desires to answer prayers! He desires to pour out a revival surpassing the Welsh and Brownsville revivals. We need to dream and desire with Him— two billion soul revival! This revival seen first with our faith. Our prayer joins; Eph 3:20-21NASB Lord, we glorify You for You are “…Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen.” Send harvesters for the harvest is ripe.

Revivals are dead dry bones breathed back to life by the very breath of God. His breath comes by being praised, glorified, His servants fasting and praying. Will you join in what revival takes? Will you become a harvester? It’s your choice. You choose.

PRAYER: Papa God, You’ve brought revival before. Do it again. Help us crave revival. A revival so powerful it changes the seven mountains of society, in Jesus’ name I pray.

by Debbie Veilleux Copyright 2019 You have my permission to reblog this devotional for others. Please keep my name with it as author. Thank you.

[shy-violet-soul]

The Box in Room 11

Characters:  Sam & Dean Winchester Rating: E for everyone Warnings: bittersweet fluff Word count:  1,600-ish A/N:  I think the first time I fell in love with these brothers’ history was 1:18, when Dean gave up his Lucky Charms for Sammy.  His too-grown-up sacrifice broke my heart.  Baby Sammy’s smiling, innocent offer of the prize in the box melted the broken heart pieces.  And that moment kickstarted the muse.

A huge thank you to the awesome SPN fic writers who showered some beta magic on this!  Thank you, thank you @crispychrissy and @thesassywallflower!

Supernatural characters belong to CW and their creators.  This is a work of fiction.  Please do not repost without my permission.

Dreamstime.com by Kjrstudio, & creators (I searched & couldn’t find owners, sorry!)

There’s a box in Room 11 that is precious to both the brothers.

One of them knows about it.  One of them doesn’t.

While scrounging the nooks and crannies of the bunker, Dean found the old trunk in the storage room.  Sturdy, sizeable, it smelled soothingly of cedar as he centered it carefully at the end of his bed.  In one corner sat the old baseball glove Bobby gave him as a boy.  The leather was scuffed, worn shiny in some places, a bit cracked in others.  Tucked underneath it was the only yearbook he ever got - junior year, 1995, Shadyside Tigers.  His dad’s US Marines cap lay upside down, a medal engraved with ‘New York State Youth Association - Wrestling Champion’ inside it with the red and blue ribbon carefully folded.  His first fake ID’s rubberbanded together - ‘Brian Wilson, Bikini Inspector’; ‘William Greer, IRS’; ‘Robert Palmer, CDC’.  The antique pocket watch Pastor Jim gave him when he turned eighteen, the 1988 ‘Sports Illustrated’ with Elle McPherson he stole from a guy’s locker in the 5th grade, a handful of prize tickets from a county fair he’d taken Cassie Robinson to rounded out the collection of mementos from his younger years.

And there was the box.

The old ‘Bank Note’ cigar box looked ordinary.  Unremarkable.  If you lifted it to your nose and sniffed deeply, you could still catch a whiff of bitter tobacco.  It had been carted around for twenty-odd years, shoved under dirty socks, ammo, and a crumpled sandwich bag of matchbooks. The odd scratch here and there, the ragged corners spoke of long handling.  As beat up as the box was, it held Dean’s most priceless treasures.

Nestled dead center in a place of honor lay the very first treasure from decades past.  Fort Douglas, Wisconsin.  Nine or ten year old Dean, already a world-weary parent.  Another night of dad leaving them alone.  A dumped out bowl of Spagetti-o’s, and the sacrifice of the last bit of Lucky Charms he’d saved for himself.  And Sammy’s first gift - the coveted prize in the box.

To anyone else, the little plastic car meant nothing.  To Dean, it meant the world.  Their childhood didn’t include many frivolities.  Crayons weren’t allowed in the backseat after the melting incident; their dwindling plastic soldier army had seen some troops go AWOL; and the Legos not in the vents had been lost in dribbles in countless motels and fast food stops.  The boys knew better than to ask for anything.  But Dean had watched Sam stare at the Hot Wheels cars and super hero action figures stacked up on the endcaps of Gas n’ Sips across the entire midwest.  At his young age, he couldn’t name the feeling that put a knot in his belly at the sight of little Sammy going without even a toy.  So, a car, hot rod red, with wheels that shot it forward when you rolled it backwards?  A prize of the highest degree.  And little Sammy had given it to him.  So, it had been the first treasure in the box.  

A few months later, he’d been ready to pound on his baby brother when he’d come out from showering to see every bowl, cup, and plate in the puke-green kitchenette filled to overflowing with Corn Flakes from the brand new box.  As Dean drew in a breath to threaten the little runt’s life, Sammy had smiled with dimpling delight as he trotted to him with outstretched hands.  His pudgy little fingers offered up a genuine Starbot robot, complete with punching arm.

He’d tried to insist Sam keep it, but the little twerp turned those puppy dog eyes on him and he caved.  He covered up his true pleasure by gruffly ordering him to clean up the mess.  Too grown-up to show how happy he was over a toy, Dean waited until Sammy was asleep before carefully placing the little grey plastic robot in with the red car.

Months passed, filled with shorter pant legs and outgrown, too-tight shoes.  The collection in the box grew, too.  A color-changing spoon from a box of Trix.  A yellow, rooster-shaped bike reflector from another box of Corn Flakes.  A box of Rice Krispies produced a baking soda submarine.  And, their personal favorite, a ghost detector courtesy of Apple Jacks.  He couldn’t remember how many days they’d spent laughing over that thing.  

But Dean never forgot the unabashed joy on his little brother’s face whenever he presented him with a new gift.

Every once in a while, when Dean reorganized the chest contents or was searching for the beef jerky, he’d open that cigar box.  One long finger would stir through the trinkets, mouth quirking in a soft smile.  Each one held a memory that he hoarded up selfishly.  But one - one was particularly special.

Sam had just turned ten.  He could remember the glint of the dollar coins in the sun as Bobby flipped them to him, one right after the other - five whole dollars for a birthday gift.  Even now, he smiled again as he remembered the excited astonishment on his little brother’s face.  After hours on the road and a stop at Gas n’ Sip, John had installed the boys in a motel room before leaving to chase down a lead.  Dean had kept his shower short, hoping to see if this motel had cable before bedtime.  The scene that greeted him at the wobbly kitchen table gave him pause.

Six boxes of Cracker Jack sat scattered across the dented, scratched surface.  The caramel-popcorn treat had been poured into an elephant-shaped cookie jar from the counter. Dean stepped closer, popping a few pieces into his mouth as he glanced at his brother.  He and his dad were big fans of the sweet & salty snack, but Sam - not so much.  Dean took in the tiny plastic bags and scraps of torn paper strewn about the boxes, a couple of plastic bead necklaces, a sparkly pink hair clip, and a couple of rub-on flower tattoos scattered about.  Sam, studiously wiping at something over the sink, still hadn’t noticed his brother.

The gangly kid had nearly jumped out of his skin when his big brother asked what in tarnation he was doing.  His smile had been all triumph and glee when he’d presented the object: a metal badge pin, etched with ‘Special Police’.

“It’s for you!  Here!” Sam chirped.  Dean blinked at him in confusion.

“Do you mean that you bought six boxes of something you don’t even like for this?  Where did you get the money?”  The dimples disappeared as Sam stood wordlessly.  That knot in his stomach, now familiar after years of it, hit Dean anew.  “Your birthday money.  Sam, Bobby gave that to you for YOU, you beanpole!”

“I know that, Dean.  And I spent it how I wanted to.”  Again, he offered the pin to him.  “Here.  I had to get more than one box because my odds at gambling suck, remember?”

Dean didn’t move, couldn’t move.  This small gesture made his birthday gift to Sam seem small and worthless; what normal ten year old kid wanted a three-pack of Bic lighters, anyway?  

A deep sigh from Sammy snapped his attention back to the present, and he watched as his little brother dropped his hand to his side.

“Look, Dean.  I saw this little kid at that last diner wearing this pin.  When I went to the john, I stopped and asked him where he got it, and he said from a box of Cracker Jack.  You’re always talking about how Dad’s a hero, better than a police officer.  And, well - you’re MY hero.  Better than dad.”

“Don’t say that!”

“Well, it’s true.  You’re the one who’s always looking out for me.  And I really wanted you to have this.  So, when Bobby gave me the five dollars, I wanted to try to get this for you.  Please take it.”

Dean stared at the shiny pin, carefully taking it in his hand.  Mistaking his reserve for disgust, Sam hurried to speak.

“I know you’re a grown up, it’s dumb, you don’t have to keep it -” he blurted out, moving to snatch it back.  His big brother leaned it out of his reach, smiling past the lump in his throat.

“Thanks, Sammy.  I love it.”  

The ten year old returned his smile, relief relaxing his shoulders.  After a moment, his grin widened.

“Besides, let’s just look at this as birthday cake!  I can use one of the lighters as a candle!” he chattered out as he waved a hand at the overflowing cookie jar.  

Dean could still see Sam’s smile in the wavering glow from the lighter, and him always having one of those birthday lighters in his pocket weeks later.  He could hear the laughter from both of them as they gorged themselves on the Cracker Jack. He remembered making his dad turn around because he was sure he’d left the can of salt on the nightstand when really he went running back to get the badge pin he’d accidentally left in the drawer.  

After a childhood lived out of duffel bags and a crowded trunk, the Winchesters still struggled with the concept of personal possessions.  Even after living in the bunker for some time, it was hard to break a decades-long habit of living ‘temporary’.  Most of their favorite belongings still ended up centered around the hunting life.  That life had taught painful lessons about loss that would have sent stronger people running for a hermit’s existence, decrying any and all reminders of a past overrunning with tragedy.  

But not the Winchester brothers.  They still relished their happier memories.  Little bright gleams scattered like lucky pennies amid the darkness of their years, giving them something to hold on to and drive from.  

Some of those memories lived in a box.   A box that one of them knew about, and one of them didn’t.

A box in room 11.

[daviddorn2]

7 Ground Rules for a Better Marriage

The absence of established rules invites chaos. Imagine if there were no rules to Monopoly. Anarchy! People would buy, sell, and tax each other like crazy in that game. People would pass Go and collect $400! 

What if there were no boundaries in football? The game would be wild, crazy and unorganized. How do you score if there are no establish demarkation on the field?

You have to have established ground rules for any system, game or origination to function. And yet people rarely think of establishing ground rules for marriage. Marriage is one of the most formative relationships you will have outside of the one between you and God. Yet if you don’t acknowledge what is “in bounds” within the conversations you have in your marriage, you can’t control what is “out of bounds.”

I want to help you establish seven ground rules that will make your marriage WAY better, especially when facing conflict.

Over the years, I’ve done a lot of pastoral counseling with couples and have led the ReEngage Marriage Enrichment Program in my local church. In that time, I’ve seen at least seven helpful rules that a couple can establish when life is good, so that when tensions rise, stress and anger flare, there are agreed upon boundaries of how to do conflict well…. and agreed upon boundaries of how not to do conflict.

I’ve incorporated them into my own marriage and they have made our marriage better. Since my wife Aimee and I both have agreed to these rules to govern our relationship and conflict, we have permission to call a “foul on the play” when one breaches the rules.

Here we go:

1) No name calling or foul language directed towards your spouse.

Once you begin cursing at your spouse, no productive conversation can happen after that point. In those moments you’ve demeaned your spouse, and this particular conflict ceases to be constructive. Conflict is not inherently a bad thing. Marriage is a joining together of two different and opinionated people. Conflict is inevitable. Yet when we demean each other, there ceases to be anything good that can emerge from that particular argument.

If insults fly, stop the conversation and come back at a later time when tempers calm and each other can treat each other with genuine respect and love. Establish this rule in advance so when one calls “time out” both people can immediately disengage without further insult.

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” – Ephesians 4:29

2) Deal only with the words coming out of your spouse’s mouth, not what you think they are thinking.

This is critical for a healthy marriage. Have you ever been in an argument with your spouse when after saying something, he or she replies, “But that’s not what you’re really thinking!” No one is a mind reader. There is no way for either one of you to crawl into each other’s brain and “know” what they “really means” behind their words. And it’s impossible to have productive conflict if each is speculating on the other’s intentions.

So trust the words coming out of each other’s mouth. If you can’t trust what your spouse says and you have to “read between the lines” you are calling the other a liar. This indicates there is a trust problem in your marriage, and that’s a much deeper issue. But commit to speak the truth and trust each other’s words. It will make conflict much simpler and productive. Deal only with each other’s words and trust what each other says.

“Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.” – Ephesians 4:15

3) Don’t have stressful conversations after a certain time at night.

The pastor who did mine and Aimee’s pre-marital counseling gave us this insight: there comes a point in the evening when people are just done... Each person/couple has a threshold where nothing productive can happen after a certain point. Eleven o’clock at night is not a good time to bring up the finances, politics, in-laws, etc. Maybe that threshold is earlier for you. For me and Aimee it’s 10pm. We don’t have major conversations past that point, otherwise, tempers are short, and apologizes will need to be made in the morning.

“Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger…” – Ephesians 4:26 *

(*Don’t have conversations to flare your anger before bed in the first place, and sometimes certain personalities types need more time to process before finding resolution.)

4) Don’t intentionally touch on the other’s triggers.

Everyone has those things that set them off, or “triggers.” Usually formed out of deep seated wounds, we all possess things that trigger our insecurities and doubts. This is especially true of those who had rough childhoods or previous marriages/long term relationships. As you grow with your spouse, you figure out what those triggers are. Commit to never pulling your spouse’s trigger on purpose. To quote a mentor of mine, to intentionally trigger your spouse is “emotional terrorism.”

For example, I once did pre-marital counseling for a couple who were both entering their second marriage. The bride’s previous marriage was marked by lots of abandonment from her ex-husband. He’d regularly take off for days at at time and not tell her where he was going. The groom was a someone who needed to step away from conflict to process and calm down. One day in the midst of an argument, he grabbed his keys and left (to go for a drive in order to cool off). What did the bride think? “Here we go again…. He’s abandoning me like my ex.” If the conflict was a 5 on the scale, it just escalated to a 10.  I told the groom, “All you need to do is tell her, ‘I’ll be back in 20 minutes and we can finish our conversation.’ That way she is reassured, and you still get time to collect your thoughts. Everyone wins.” Otherwise, he’s going to keep pulling her triggers.

Make it a rule to never intentionally commit emotional terrorism so that if and when it does happen, you can trust it was by mistake.

“Do not cause anyone to stumble…” – 1 Corinthians 10:32a

5) Stop and pray in the middle of a conflict.

This perhaps is the most counter-intuitive rule on the list, yet it’s one of the most powerful. If you can stop in the middle of a conflict to take a moment to pray and invite God into the conversation, I promise, the conversation changes. It’s hard to treat each other poorly when you are fully aware that you’ve invited God to be there. In fact, when you realize God’s presence, you will treat each other much better.

The few times the conflict got really heated in my marriage and we paused to pray, there was calmness and peace that washed over both of us. It takes agreeing upon this rule in advance for one to invoke it during a conflict.

Now when you do pray, don’t let the prayer be manipulative For example, “God please fix my spouse” is not a good way to pray. Rather, “God be here in the mist of our conflict and show us a way forward. May your peace meet us here” is WAY better. God doesn’t take sides the same way we’d hope he does.

“For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.” – Matthew 18:20

6) Maintain a unified front with the kids and family.

This is key for raising kids, especially with blended families. Always let the children and extended family see you unified. Now that doesn’t mean you have to have the same opinions, but those opinions and parenting preferences need to be worked out behind closed doors. Our family is blended. Aimee had two daughters when we got married. I had a difference of opinions from her in certain areas of parenting. So we had to practice parenting together. That took some time to live out this rule since she had grown used to being a single parent. But it made our parenting stronger when we did it together. The girls soon realized they couldn’t play mom off of step-dad and visa-versa. They also realized they didn’t get instant answers to their requests because we always told them, “Let me check with your mom/or step-dad.” If Aimee and I disagreed on something, we compromised and worked it out together before we ever got back with them. We jointly would give our response, not revealing to the girls who had the dissenting opinion.  

“‘[A]nd the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh.” – Mark 10:8

7) Don’t demand, invite.

When you are dating, everything was new, exciting and wonderful. You always would ask the other, “Would you like to do _____ with me?” Or “Hey would you like to attend ____ with me?” We invited each other into our lives.

Then we get married. That new, exciting and wonderful easily turns into routines and responsibilities. Our language changes too. “Take out the garbage.” “Pick up the kids.” “I need you to show up to this event….” Do you see the difference. We can lose the language of invitation and replace it with language of demand.

No one responds well to demands. No one.

But people like being invited. Establish the ground rule of speaking the language of “invitation” instead of “obligation” and see what happens. The routine changes, and the relationship gets exciting again.

“Come to bed” changes to “will you join me in bed?” Um yes!

“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” – Ephesians 5:21

Rules are only as good as they are enforced. But have a conversation with your spouse about these and others you’d like to include. Establish them during the good times so that when times get tough, the rules are there to better your marriage. I’ve even had couples post these rules on their refrigerator to be a constant reminder of what they’ve agreed too. Christian marriage is a covenant, but even covenants have things that guide the relationship. Let these guide yours.

Are there other rules you would add? Leave them in a comment below.

[xfilesnews]

Recap and Review: ‘The X-Files: Stolen Lives’

Another audiobook has joined The X-Files library shelf. "The X-Files: Stolen Lives" was released by Audible on October 3rd. Based on the Season 10 comics from IDW, this continues the adventures of Mulder and Scully from "Cold Cases." The stories are written by Joe Harris, executive produced by Chris Carter, and produced for audible by Dirk Maggs. Gillian Anderson, David Duchovny, and Mitch Pileggi return to their roles, and other fan favorites lend their voices as well. As with the first audiobook, you don't need to be familiar with the comics to enjoy this audio version, but it does help. If you haven't yet listened to "Cold Cases" I'd suggest trying that first. The audio series does not follow the timeline established in the TV version of Season 10 so there are events and characters that would seem out of place to new listeners. "Stolen Lives" has some solid scares so if you're a monster of the week fan you're in luck. But it also dives into some mythology, though not quite as heavily as "Cold Cases."

Does "Stolen Lives" pass the bar set by "Cold Cases?"  Hit the jump for our recap and review.

We again start with Chapter 2, as Chapter 1 is opening credits. Chapter 2 is called "Immaculate" and follows Season 10 issues 16 and 17. The story begins outside an abortion clinic in North Carolina. A young woman is hassled by protesters and makes her way inside. As she approaches the woman is also hearing a voice in her head. She seems familiar to the clinic staff but before they recognize her she detonates a bomb she smuggled inside. The girl survives and convinces the protesters to follow her.

When looking over the evidence, the girl whose name is Joni Cartwright, apparently has a halo and that's how Mulder and Scully end up on the case. After interviewing a nurse who was burned in the explosion, Mulder and Scully decide to split up and investigate more of Joni's backstory. Joni's family is religious and Scully finds Joni's mother along with a creepy pastor. Being sensitive to cases involving religion has never been Mulder's strong suit, and we see that again when Mulder questions his first suspect. The mystery of the case leads us from victims who look like they died of fright, to a cliff in the woods where the possessed townspeople meet a tragic end. The good pastor is not exactly who he seems and we learn who Joni's baby-daddy really was through Scully's investigative tactics. And as usual, it's Mulder who sees the monster for what it really is. “Stolen Lives” starts with a much more "monster of the week" tone than "Cold Cases" did, but there's no lack of controversy here. The X-Files has never shied away from religion or difficult subject matter and this is no different. "Cold Cases" featured a school shooting so tackling an abortion clinic bombing seems on par with the tone set there. The chapter reminds me a bit of Season 7's "Signs and Wonders" in that we're dealing with a pastor who is not what he seems. But "Immaculate" is much more violent than I remember that episode being. Listening to Scully dress down the pastor was one of my favorite parts of the chapter, with Mulder's interaction with a scared Sarabeth a close second. I appreciated the Frank Black joke, as I'm sure other "Millennium" fans did. I was also glad to hear them reference the missing Agents Doggett and Reyes at the beginning. We haven't heard much about them since the beginning of "Cold Cases" so it was a good reminder that part of the team is still missing. Mulder's sarcasm was about what you'd expect for any faith-based episode and I cracked up at the "moderately godless heathen requesting permission to enter." I wasn't crazy about the fact that once again, Scully being a mother and how that might affect her was brought up at the beginning of the case. This story was written in 2014, and William would be 13 by then. He's been away from Mulder and Scully for a long time now and it just seemed weird to me to have Morales say "I hope this doesn't affect you." You notice no one ever asks Mulder that same question?

Chapter 3, called "Chitter" follows Issue 9 of the comics. This was Joe Harris' first original monster-of-the-week. And if you don't like bugs, I'm sorry. At the start, we're introduced to the "Chittering God" and a gross sounding swarm. Mulder and Scully are soon on the scene in Pennsylvania but the investigation doesn't start well for Scully. After some joking with Mulder and comments about a funny smell, she passes out. But Scully being Scully, when she recovers she insists on investigating the house anyway. They find a switch that leads them to the killing room.

As always with the X-Files, things are not what the seem and the initial suspect, Mr. Keansey, isn't the only guilty party. Once again Mulder and Scully's investigations take different directions with Mulder interrogating the suspect and Scully out in the field. The first suspect, and his bug friends, indicate the Chittering God is after Scully. Scully cases the neighborhood and visits with an old woman named Mrs. Hoynes who reads her tea leaves. Mrs. Hoynes tells Scully she knows she lost a child "recently." And that the chittering god feeds on that sorrow and "both grow stronger." As Scully tries to escape it seems the woman, or the god, is trying to get her to hurt herself. Mulder arrives in the nick of time and keeps any more violence from happening.

The chapter gets points for the gross-out factor. The roaches in "War of the Coprophages" were bad enough but hearing the scratching on the headphones left me wanting to take a shower. The thought of being able to sic bugs on someone and call on a swarm makes me shiver. The story is definitely creepy and it's interesting that Keansey was just as much a victim of this crazy old lady and her "god" as Scully almost was. That Mulder and Scully were sharing a hotel room and discussing the case warmed my little shipper heart.

While I liked the story, I was again frustrated with the "Scully Mom Pain" angle. In the comics chronology, this issue is further removed from "Immaculate" so it might not have seemed as repetitive. I'd also like to point out that Scully has technically lost two children. Emily seems to be forgotten a lot. I do think it's fair that Scully is a person who has faced a lot of despair, but Mulder has too, so why wasn't he a target as well? Perhaps in the off years, he's had a little more therapy? I thought Mulder seemed like a bigger jerk than usual in this episode too. We know he can be a jerk and love that about him at times, but he's usually not mean. And there was something about the way Mulder said "you think this is all about you?" that rubbed me the wrong way.

We return to our missing federal agents in Chapter 4, aptly titled "Monica and John." This mirrors Season 10 Issue 18. Our first glimpse of Monica Reyes shows she's been in captivity for a year. Held in a tiny cell, she describes the events that lead to her abduction. She was in Wyoming paying a visit to William's adoptive parents when she was taken. She believes she's being held by John Doggett, who leaves to go to a post office. That trip triggers the FBI and Skinner and Scully get involved. Mulder is apparently off testifying to keep Monty Props locked up so he misses the action.

Of course, the Doggett holding Monica captive isn't really Doggett all. The real Doggett is also being held captive. He manages to escape from his cell and goes to free Monica. Their captor returns and seems to be one of the Acolytes we met in "Cold Cases." In a twist, he asks Monica and John to kill him. Doggett resists because he wants evidence of what has happened to them, but Monica stabs him with the stiletto anyway because she believes the FBI has forgotten them. Just as the alien melts away Skinner and Scully arrive.

This was the shortest chapter of the book and one I'd like to have seen in more detail. I was so glad to see Doggett and Reyes again and the refresher on the "new" mythology was helpful. I can't imagine what it was like to have been held like that for so long. I would have liked to have heard more of their story. And we're left hanging about what's next for the two. Do they get to go back to the FBI? Does Monica quit and record her own best selling whale song album? I found this a good chapter, just too short! I also really missed Robert Patrick and Annabeth Gish voicing their characters. The woman doing Reyes was close at points, but Doggett's actor wasn't even close to Robert Patrick's memorable style.

Get ready for a little time travel in Chapter 5. G-23 follows comics issues 19 and 20. We dig up a few ghosts and Mulder gets sent on a wild trip that doesn't involve line dancing. The story begins in 1966 in Nevada at a military installation. Two young adults are smoking a cigarette laced with something called G-23 and they're getting progressively more freaked out. The young woman starts thinking she sees aliens. Shadowy men are observing the teens, none other than a young CGB Spender and Bill Mulder. In the present day, Mulder is waiting in D.C. to meet Scully for lunch but before she arrives the CSM crashes his party. After a round of 'who is my real dad?' with Mulder, the CSM presents him with a poster of the Nevada desert and a camper van with a G-23 plate. After a meeting with Scully and later the Lone Gunmen, this sends Mulder off on a wild goose chase into the desert.

Langly follows Mulder to what starts as a party in the desert but turns into a bad G-23-induced trip. In his hallucination, there’s a vamped up version of Scully in fishnets, heels, and Spender's trench coat. This vision calls herself "Red" and sounds more Spender than Scully.  She leads Mulder through the remains of the old G-23 complex and on a trip down memory lane. They talk about what was the G-23 substance was really made of and of Bill Mulder's work fighting the alien colonists. In the end, the real Scully rescues Mulder but whatever proof he thought he had of the incident is gone.

I wasn't sure what to think of this chapter on first listen, and may give it another try. Anything that involves the Lone Gunmen makes me happy, and the actors always sound really in character. I laughed at Langly calling Frohike 'Jump Street' because Tom Braidwood was a first assistant director on that show back in the day. One has to feel for Mulder at the beginning that he keeps getting haunted by this zombie ghost from his past. And I thought it was interesting to dive more into Bill Mulder's background. It makes him out to be a slightly more sympathetic character that he was in the TV series. I felt like they were trying to redeem him a bit. Whether that succeeded, I'm not sure.

I also wasn't particularly thrilled with the "Scully as vixen" bit. If Scully herself makes the choice to don that outfit and say "sweet dreams baby" I'm all for it if it's her idea. But for that to be a fantasy and not her personal choice gets old. In this version, at least, it's insinuated at the very end that CSM was dressed that way himself all along, but that's not the case in the comic. There's no doubt Scully is a beautiful woman but we love her for her intelligence and what her brains bring to the case. This struck me as more of an excuse for the guys to write her as sexy than as something meaningful to the plot. It also strikes me as funny that once again Mulder gets himself into trouble because he runs off on his own.

It's back to the mytharc in Chapter 6 with 'Elders." This is the longest of the chapters and covers issues and ground from New York to D.C. to Cuba and finds Mulder in a whole new mess of trouble. We start with Prime Elder talking to the CSM about the ability to read minds and the scars on his head. If that doesn't tip you off to who he is, it should have. He meets with the Syndicate group who are all clones like the CSM. Elsewhere in Virginia, Scully and Mulder are playing hooky at a county fair that turns tragic. A woman claiming to be someone from Mulder's past shoots three people and turns the gun on herself. This launches an investigation of Mulder that digs deep into his past involving something called the Chilmark Project.

As part of the Chilmark project, Mulder spoke with a woman named Caroline Ross who looked oddly similar to the woman who attacked him at the fair. But it's not possible because Ross hanged herself in 1991. As they leave the FBI Mulder is hounded by reporters. Scully stays behind to defend him but as soon as Mulder clears the pack he's abducted by another group of men.

Mulder ends up a prisoner in a cloning facility hidden in the Guantanamo Bay prison in Cuba where Prime Elder reveals himself as Gibson. While he's at the facility Scully is working with the CSM who hints to her that Gibson is the one who has taken Mulder. But he's not the only CSM in this episode. Another version is helping Mulder at the base in Cuba. Skinner also finds himself in the crosshairs of the Syndicate, who kidnap him and torch his apartment.

Back in Cuba, the CSM helps Mulder escape and gives him a memory stick with evidence of Gibson's treachery. Not only has Gibson created this facility but he's been working to frame Mulder as well. No sooner does Mulder escape than Scully ends up in Gibson's clutches herself. With some help from the Lone Gunmen, we learn more about what exactly Gibson was up to and how he plans to move his creepy clone creating operation back to the U.S. Yet another CSM clone this time helps Scully escape. A quick meeting between her and Mulder sends Mulder looking for a way to escape and Scully heading back to deal with Gibson once and for all.

Gibson claims he was only protecting Mulder and that he will only be hunted further even after the allegations are cleared. Scully fears Gibson continued to do to himself what the Syndicate had in the past. While they argue Gibson tries to lead a ship into port using telekinesis. That's the ship he will use to move his cloning operation and continue the project. Scully dispatches the threat and races off to find Mulder.

Mulder and Scully reunite just as he's about to board a smuggling ship. Scully is rattled by her encounter with Gibson but Mulder reminds her they will get through whatever Gibson did together. Scully encourages Mulder to leave with the smugglers and that she'll go back to the FBI to clear things up. And just when Scully thinks she can get a drink to clear her head, she realizes she's surrounded by multiples of the person she thought she killed just moments ago. And there, we end. This also marks the end of the Season 10 comics series.

I love mytharc eps and was glad to see it back in this new form again. And poor Gibson Praise makes for a great villain. It was interesting to see how they expanded on what was done to him, and the flashbacks of the time he and Mulder spent together back in 2001. I also loved how often we got to see Scully fiercely defending Mulder. After all this time she knows him like no one else does. I got a particular thrill watching her tell off A.D. Morales at the beginning. I would have loved to see Skinner more in on the action instead of being pushed around by the Syndicate or Morales. But I'm glad he was included in a smaller way at least.  

A few overall thoughts now that we've finished the series:  I feel like Mulder and Scully spend way too much time apart in this series. I know they split up a lot in the TV show but it felt like they were working without each other most of the time. I did enjoy that Scully got to be more of an active investigator than in "Cold Cases." She wasn’t stuck doing autopsies as much. And clearly, Mulder has never learned that when he runs off on his own bad things are going to happen. Mulder’s dry humor is captured well and the banter when Mulder and Scully are together is pretty funny in parts. As far as the stories themselves, if you find them hard to follow at times, paging through the comics again can help with that. The audio version does work to flesh them out a little more but they're close to what we saw on the page. I made the comment after finishing "Cold Cases" that the acting can come across as a little wooden at times and that's also the case here. Though I do think it was a bit better this time.

Overall, I do think the series is worth your time and an interesting listen. There's no perfect substitute for the TV show but these audio adventures are entertaining and make the wait for a new season a little easier. While we've now made our way through the Season 10 comics, we don't yet know if they'll continue the audiobooks with the Season 11 series from IDW, which is also different from the upcoming TV series. We'll keep you posted as soon as we hear something!

[sha-sha-bi-bi]

Mystery BTS member X Reader

Words; 1144

Warnings; Self doubt, anxiety, a whole lotta fluff Please do not re-upload without credit

His & Her Love Y/Ns got wedding day jitters. Will she be able to survive and get through the little bumps she didn’t expect

Lace encased your chest, the tight corset that flowed into a free moving skirt, not much of a train. Rather than sticking to tradition you had waited for this day for six years, some years were more painful than others. Not really committing to today but being committed to the idea had made your hands start to sweat out of anxiety. You remember the day you first laid eyes on him, the way his eyes sparkled when he spoke, his voice as gentle as ever as he profusely apologised for the misunderstanding. What if you weren’t the one for him? The doubt starting to creep in around your body as you stood there eyes trained on every flaw you could pick apart at yourself. The slamming of the rooms door almost made you have a heart attack and put a hand to your heart breathing harder than you already were, the dimpled smile came into view as he took one look at his heart full of happiness. “He’s going to cry for sure”the man before you said as you closed your eyes “Out of happiness or disappointment Joon?” You asked breathing heavily through your nose as his chuckle boomed around the room “Happiness, are you having second thoughts?” He asked you before helping you sit down as you put a hand to your forehead in your own doubt “What If he thinks I am a mistake Joon?” You asked in a whisper as you felt your voice would break and the flood gates would begin “Let me tell you this one thing Y/N that boy that is waiting for you at the end of the walkway is thinking the exact same thing, He doesn’t believe you said yes to him let alone waited three extra years to tie the knot” Joon grabbed your small hand in his much larger one brining it in for a kiss on the outside of your hand. “He loves you more than he loves himself y/n” Joon whispered as your bridesmaids filed in the room to get the pre dress photos done “Joon?” You called to the man about to walk out the door he smiled in return “Please make sure he doesn’t do a runner on me, my heart could not handle it” you spoke just as he nodded to you to leave you alone with the girls.

Most of the girls in this bridesmaid party was chosen by him as you yourself didn’t have any real friends that were girls, your solstice was always him. I’m so jealous he chose you, how long do you think they’ll last, she’s nothing special, he will cheat on her just wait. These were whispers you were hearing from the bridesmaid as you secretly made your way out onto the church’s balcony when a pair of hands landed on your shoulders squeezing in comfort “Hoseok” you whispered as he pulled you into a hug “I know those people are downright no good people” he soothed, just like the sunshine Hoseok always had a calming aura that surrounded him that instantly calmed your freaking mind down “Why does he know people like that?” You questioned he just shrugged “Well there might just be a funeral at a wedding if they don’t stop” Hoseok mumbled which made you snort in laughter. This is why this man was your future husbands best friend. Always able to make everyone laugh or smile around them. When you first met him, he had promised you if you could make him smile he would do the same for you for the rest of your life and you just so happened to do it. “I do not need blood on carpet or else we don’t get our deposit back Hobi” you scolded and looked at the sunlit hills breathing in the fresh air from being out in the country side. “Sorry but you know by now I’d do anything for you so would the rest of the boys” Hobi explained. It wasn’t a spectacular wedding venue just something small and homey and now you were freaking out for another reason, your father had an incident happen at work; an ankle sprain and now he couldn’t be here for his only daughter to walk her down the aisle and hand her over to the man of her dreams. “What is going on?” You heard a voice from the outside that was inside the church where everyone was starting to get impatient “Dad” you felt tears prick at your eyes before a large hand took the phone from you holding up a finger and started talking to your father. Seokjin was your father figure when you couldn’t be around your own father, always making sure you and your soon to be husband were well fed “WHAT! YOU COULDN’T EVEN BE HERE!! HOW DARE I? HOW DARE YOU!” Seokjin continued to scold your father over the phone before humming a quick yes and putting the phone on silent and into his suit pocket. “What did you say Jin?” You questioned as Jin helped pull the veil over your face “About to walk my sister in law down the aisle to her almost as nervous as you are fiancé I got permission to do this” Jin muttered as he helped line you up at the entrance doors you took a sharp breathe in “He will cry for sure” Jin smiled sideways as the the wedding theme song begun to play. Doors opening in slow motion as that moment everyone sitting in the pew began to stand up as Jin tapped your hand in comfort, you couldn’t look up just yet or you’d burst into tears of your own. You didn’t see the crinkled lines on his forehead, the constant sniffling and the ever running tears peeling down the side of his face in a river of water. When you finally decided to look up your heart broke into two seeing him in tears and almost chest rumbling crying. “Oh my sweet love” you whispered “Don’t you dare cry I didn’t put that nice makeup on so you could cry it off” Taehyungs voice called from behind in a threatening tone “I didn’t think you’d ever be anymore beautiful than you do right now” he said as you both intertwined your fingers “Clearly you got to wait til she’s pregnant Hyung” Jimin snickered as he threw a death cold stare at the younger member making you both crack a smile

“Do you y/n take Min Yoongi to be your lawfully husband through sickness and health til death do you part?” The pastor asked all eyes were on you your fiancé sweating a cheeky glint in your eyes made everyone inhale sharply “Actually…… I do” you stated as everyone exhaled in happiness. The tension twisting to one breath taking kiss binding you both together forever. This was your happy ever after and you couldn’t wait to start forever side by side.

[loreletters-blog]

A Father to the Fatherless

Childlike

“Imagine yourself as a little kid who was brought to the park for the very first time”, the teacher said. I looked around as I watched my fellow colleagues ran around in the drama class. Laughter filled the air and the room was filled with everyone’s childlike wonder...

Except for mine. 

“Why can’t I feel what they feel?

Why can’t I remember what it feels like to play like a little fellow?”

In a family of four where two of the oldest siblings were overseas and whose parents had just split up, a 10-year-old kid was forced to be the ‘oldest’ one in the house. Growing up, this kid never learned how to laugh and play freely like any normal little humans would do. She left behind her relationship with God as she had her eyes set on doing things right. Traumatised after witnessing how love breaks, she grew up to be an independent individual whilst leaving behind the innocence, trust, and the childlike awe and wonder she once held dear. 

This little kid was me. 

I don’t have any recollection of what my childhood was like. No happy thoughts. All I can remember are those memories that would sting every bit of me if it comes to mind. I remembered every single fights and arguments that ensued, every shouts and cries that echoed throughout the room, and every rivers of tears that flowed and raged. My 7-years-old brother and I would hide under the blankets everytime we heard shouts from the distance. “Hey, it’s going to be okay”, was the lie I would always say to my brother under the blankets. Hatred towards my dad started to blow up in my heart out of witnessing how my mom lay lifeless on the floor, soaked in tears, having no energy left to even mutter the word help. I hate you, I hate you, I hate you was an automatic thought every time I saw my dad. I hate him not only because of what he did to my mom, but because of what he didn’t get to be - a good father to his daughter. And yes, I was disappointed. Disappointed out of all the fake promises he made; out of all the fake love he gave. 

  Home for me was supposed to be this happy place where we can embrace our most childlike behaviours; where love was born. I spent 7 dark years of my life trying to find a sense of home. I spent 7 dark years of my life feeling homesick, trying hard to find the missing piece that would cover up this black hole that is sucking up every bit of joy away from me. That missing piece was love. I found myself adrift in the world trying to find a place where I can get my childlike spirit back. I fell into a vicious cycle. I found myself having a soft spot for guys who gave me the tiniest sliver of love. I fell for the wonderful act guys would pull in front of me, the ones that made me feel safe and loved. The only place where I can act and feel like a child was when I was with a guy. I thought I could receive that sense of ‘home’ I so longed for that I would sacrifice myself to keep guys from leaving me; like my dad did. I lost myself. But still, it didn’t stop people from deserting me. 

I was broken. I didn’t know how to feel. Didn’t know my worth. Didn’t know myself. 

I grew tired out of pursuing love, that I just stopped believing in it. For me, love was just an illusion out of a sick and cruel world. I shut myself out from the world and live in this comfortable little bubble of mine. Walls were built as high as the sky. No one could break in. Ever. I don’t need anymore disappointments from mere humans so I forced myself to be independent. I don’t need anyone. I’m all that I need. 

God always seems like He is standing at a respectable distance from me, as if He is a mere bystander, ignoring all my pleas and cries for help. I couldn’t believe in His love. I used to think that God hated every bit of me that He would allow me to suffer like this. So yeah, no love there, nope. I don’t get it, really. I HATED Him. He was simply another cover up story the world made for me. But He never grew tired of chasing me down. 

Going to church out of habit, I never really expected anything out of it. Like I said, it was all an illusion for me. But on one worship night, my pastor approached me, put his hands on both side of my head. I rolled my eyes, anticipating another lie. 

“You don’t have to strive for love. When you think you have lost a father, look up, you have a Heavenly Father who loves you very much. You have received the Father’s love from Heaven. That is what you need to fill up that brokenness and emptiness inside you.”

I fell to my knees. Cheeks drenched in tears. I tried to brush it off but I couldn’t. The line “the Father’s love from Heaven” kept on resonating in my head. 

I felt this urge to speak.

To speak to something (or Someone) that I know nothing of, I took a leap of faith:

“Jesus I need you”, I whispered towards the heavens for the first time since forever. 

“JESUS I NEED YOU”, a little louder this time.

And in that instance, I felt heaven came down upon me, His grace and mercy fell upon me, crushing that darkness inside of me. God revealed to me that He is indeed there. Every second. Every moment. I was just too blinded to see. 

As I trace back my steps, I realised I had abandoned the home I yearn for - the loving arms of our loving God. The fullness of this Fatherly love has begun to make me feel whole again. God reminded me of what it’s like to be like a child. He gave me, gave us, permission to trust without suspicion, to be ourselves anywhere, to bring our burdens and lay them down at the feet of our Father. He gave me permission to rest like the child I was never allowed to be. God chased after me and called me as a child of the living God (Luke 15:3-7; Romans 9:25-26). I regained my spirit back, laughing with true joy for I have been found again. 

Declaring His grace over me, He restored that childlike awe and wonder. I am whole and finally home.

‘The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying: 

“I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness. I will build you up again, and you, Virgin Israel, will be rebuilt. Again you will take up your timbrels and go out to dance with the joyful.’” - Jeremiah 31:3-4 (NIV)

[riverdamien]

Station 3: Stations of the Cross

Station 3: Jesus Falls the First Time-April 1, 2020

Journey with us in spirit on Good Friday, April 10 as we journey through the Tenderloin. The first two stations will be at City Hall, this station will be at the State Office Buidling.

            There are times when we are living in twilight, we live, yet our lives have changed. The past three weeks they have changed suddenly with social distancing, having to stay in  our homes, businesses shut down, fear of contacting a strange disease, fear of losing our housing, and fear of being on the streets without the benefit of social distancing, food, and care. The reality is things will never be the same gain. It is strange to walk in the midst of people wearing masks, some obviously fearful, and keeping a distance. Every store is closed, and you remember the meals and fellowship in the restaurants. We will never be the same. There is an impersonal-ism, distance, a feeling of just being an object. 

            When Jesus fell the first time, knowing that he was in the twilight of his life, he too knew that his life was ending, life was over. He too was living in fear.

            St. Maria Skobtosova speaks to my heart  in these words setting our priorities:

“At the Last Judgment I shall not be asked whether I was successful in my ascetic exercises, nor how many bows and prostrations I made. Instead I shall be asked, Did I feeed the hungry, clothe the naked, vist the sick and the prisoners.  In doing this “All will be well!”

We all fall, but like Jesus we can get up and face our fears and march forward, with these words from Winston Churchill: "Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference."

( We received a flyer  about ways of dealing with losing financial support in your businesses etc. If you would like a copy send an email and we will forward it.)

Deo Gratias! Thanks be to God!

Station 3: Jesus Falls the First Time

    In your imagination can you see a friend, or yourself, fall to the ground?

The cross became too much for Jesus and he fell, powerless in the moment.

Jesus falls each day in the homeless who suffer from mental illness and drug

abuse.

    In San Francisco, the estimated statistics are that 37% suffer from

alcohol/drug abuse, and 35% from mental illness. It is difficult to separate

these two figures because they both play into each other.

    In the story of the Gerasenes demoniac from the book of Mark, we read:

“5 They came to the other side of the sea, to the country of the Gerasenes. [a] 2  And

when Jesus [b] had stepped out of the boat, immediately there met him out of the

tombs a man with an unclean spirit. 3  He lived among the tombs. And no one

could bind him anymore, not even with a chain, 4  for he had often been bound

with shackles and chains, but he wrenched the chains apart, and he broke the

shackles in pieces. No one had the strength to subdue him. 5  Night and day

among the tombs and on the mountains he was always crying out and cutting

himself with stones. 6  And when he saw Jesus from afar, he ran and fell down

before him. 7  And crying out with a loud voice, he said, “What have you to do

with me, Jesus, Son of the Most High God? I adjure you by God, do not torment

me.” 8  For he was saying to him, “Come out of the man, you unclean spirit!”

9  And Jesus asked him, “What is your name?” He replied, “My name is Legion,

for we are many.” 10  And he begged him earnestly not to send them out of the

country. 11  Now a great herd of pigs was feeding there on the hillside, 12  and they

begged him, saying, “Send us to the pigs; let us enter them.” 13  So he gave them

permission. And the unclean spirits came out and entered the pigs; and the herd,

numbering about two thousand, rushed down the steep bank into the sea and

drowned in the sea.

14  The herdsmen fled and told it in the city and in the country. And people came

to see what it was that had happened. 15  And they came to Jesus and saw the

demon-possessed [c] man, the one who had had the legion, sitting there, clothed

and in his right mind, and they were afraid. 16  And those who had seen it

described to them what had happened to the demon-possessed man and to the

pigs. 17  And they began to beg Jesus [d] to depart from their region. 18  As he was

getting into the boat, the man who had been possessed with demons begged him

that he might be with him. 19  And he did not permit him but said to him, “Go

home to your friends and tell them how much the Lord has done for you, and

how he has had mercy on you.” 20  And he went away and began to proclaim in

the Decapolis how much Jesus had done for him, and everyone marveled.

        This is the scene we see on the streets daily. Healing those who suffer from mental illness was a part of the ministry of Jesus. It should, by extension, be a part of our own. All of us have something to contribute, including those

without professional or pastoral expertise in mental health care. We do not have to be therapists, but we must be the face of Jesus.

    Mental illness has biological causes, but it also impacts one’s spiritual life: the ability to find meaning. We all have a role to play in helping others restore their confidence, find support, and rediscover their value.

     We all fail in our care of the mentally ill and addicted, but Father Henry Nouwen calls us in these words to get up and to love deeply:

“Do not hesitate to love and to love deeply. You might be afraid of the pain that deep love can cause. When those you love deeply reject you, leave you, or die, your heart will be broken. But that should not hold you back from loving deeply. The pain that comes from deep love makes your love even more fruitful. It is like a plow that breaks the ground to allow the seed to take root and grow into a strong plant.

Every time you experience the pain of rejection, absence, or death, you are faced with a choice. You can become bitter and decide not to love again, or you can stand straight in your pain and let the soil on which you stand become richer and more able to give life to new

seeds.”

    In the same way, we fail each time we criticize or condemn someone that we disagree with or simply do not like. Today it was announced that Rush Limbaugh has lung cancer, and many responses put forth have been to wish him much suffering and some death. Growing up we were friends with Mr. Limbaugh’s family; his granddad was a partner in a law firm with my best

friend’s dad. They are conservative, but very decent people. When my dad was dying from lung cancer himself, the Limbaugh family often gave my mother and me a place to stay.

Through the years I have received death threats, along with all sorts of painful “shit” said to me at first through the phone, then email, and now social media. For the most part, these come from people who do not know me.

Those words hurt and tear me apart. What I have learned through my experience, and the pain in the experience of others who have been hurt by the judgment of people, is that only in caring and loving each other can we truly find wholeness and happiness. Judgment belongs to God!

Stations of the Cross Exmin Style

Step 1: Choose a Station. Let’s say we’re focusing on Jesus taking up his Cross. You can read a passage from the Bible that correlates to that scene or simply picture an image in your mind. Then take a few deep breaths and ask God to help you quiet your head and open your heart. Often we only try to focus on getting rid of all the mental chatter inside of us, but it’s also important to place our attention on the waves of emotions and feelings inside us. Something in you might resist focusing—you may feel tired, nervous, or angry, but that’s okay. Allow yourself to find a level of openness that is true to you.

Step 2: Remind yourself that God is all around you. He’s inside you and outside you and his heart beats in yours. Try to feel that reality as best as you can. Then take the picture of Jesus carrying his Cross, and imagine placing the image inside you. Let it take root in you.

Step 3: Ask the Holy Spirit to rise up inside you and give you the wisdom to acknowledge God in your life. Ask the Spirit to help you meditate on the scene inside you. How do you think Jesus felt when this was happening? What was he thinking? What is your cross to bear? How heavy is it? How does it affect your relationship with God?

Step 4: Review your day. Where did your cross feel the heaviest today? Where did you encounter the cross on the shoulders of others at work, on the news, or in the streets? Where is God in these encounters? Ask God to make you more aware and compassionate of others and yourself.

Step 5: Give thanks to God for the opportunity to know Jesus better, and ask God to help you to become more aware of the crosses that everyone carries in life.

Image by Enrique López-Tamayo Bio

Dear Lord,

Help me keep my eyes on you. You are the incarnation of Divine Love, you are the expression of God’s infinite compassion, you are the visible manifestation of the Father’s holiness. You are beauty, goodness, gentleness, forgiveness, and mercy. In you all can be found. Outside of you nothing can be found. Why should I look elsewhere or go elsewhere? You have the words of eternal life, you are food and drink, you are the Way, the Truth, and the Life. You are the light that shines in the darkness, the lamp on the lampstand, the house on the hilltop. You are the perfect Icon of God. In and through you I can see the Heavenly Father, and with you I can find my way to him. O Holy One, Beautiful One, Glorious One, be my Lord, my Savior, my Redeemer, my Guide, my Consoler, my Comforter, my Hope, my Joy, and my Peace. To you I want to give all that I am. Let me be generous, not stingy or hesitant. Let me give you all—all that I have, think, do, and feel. It is yours, O Lord. Please accept it and make it fully your own.

Amen. Father Henri Nouwen

[canaryatlaw]

okay, so today was alright. I had my alarm set for 8:45 for church, but when it went off I didn’t have any willpower, so I reset my alarm for 10:35 so I could go to the last service when I had to be in the nursery, which means I missed the actual church part, but oh well. Got up, ran out the door to make the bus, got the rest of the way there and go to the babies room. Since we moved back to three services we haven’t been getting many babies in the third service, so we’ve been combining the babies and walkers, so basically any child under 2. We ended up have 3 today with two leaders, so that was fine. one was the really adorable daughter of a lady I know from the babies team, and she’s getting so big and she’s just the cutest thing, like she would start laughing and I wanted to like, whip out my phone and record it because I knew the internet would love it 😂 (but of course I’d never do that without a parent’s permission). She’s about 18 months, as was our second baby, big little guy who had this perpetual perturbed look on his face haha so we had to make sure we were getting him occupied. Both of them would periodically go back to the gate in the front, which is generally what happens when they want to see their parents, but we were able to call them back each time and there were no tears, so that’s a win in my book. Our last baby was an actual baby, not like the other two who would be considered “walkers” at this point (because they can walk). She was 10 months old, gorgeous little thing, her mom and dad both dropped her off and her dad definitely looks biracial, and her mom looks like she could also be biracial, and the baby had a lot of those features as well, this isn’t terribly relevant haha she was just really adorable. For a while after she was dropped off she sat on my lap while she played with various little toys, then I got her to crawl around a bit and explore with the big kids (making sure they weren’t getting too rough with her). But yeah, it all went really well and there were no tears, so that’s good with me. At one point someone from the 2′s room came in asking if we had an extra diaper, and they had these new “childproof” locks on all the cabinets and well, they were quite complicated little contraptions lol, I did eventually manage to get them off, but did manage to scratch my hand a a pointy edge, and I’m just like shouldn’t childproof things not have sharp edges?? Granted, it was set up so that a child probably wouldn’t be able to get to that part, but still. So yeah. Since things were relatively calm and we got the tv connection to downstairs working I was able to listen to a good amount of the sermon, which was good. Our female pastor was speaking on grieving and the many forms it can kind of take on in our lives, and one of the things she was saying was grieving a season of our lives when we have to move on, and that kinda resonated with me because no matter what ends up happening, my life is gonna be changing somewhat drastically over the next few months, and I can’t shake this feeling I have that I’m going to get the New York job, and part of me has kind of been dreading that, because at this point I’m not really sure if I want to leave Chicago. But as fun as the last few months have been, if I get the job I know that’s going to be a sign that I need to move on from this. And I think that may be the best course of action anyway. Things have been mostly good, but I’ve had some emotional turbulence lately that reminded me of previous negative periods in my life, and that hadn’t happened in quite a while, and I just don’t know if I should stay in an environment where I’m at risk for that happening. I just don’t want to move back to New York and end up friendless and lonely, much like how I was for the first two years I lived in Chicago. But I’m leaving it up to God, if I get the New York job I am going to take it and move back there, trusting that this is what the plan he has for me. One thing the pastor said was “if you won’t move on from a past season, you’re going to miss all of the great things God has for you in the next one” or something along those lines and that really resonated with me. So yeah, that was good. Service ended, cleaned up the room and headed out, ride home was fine, just made the bus from the train by about 30 seconds, so that’s always a good feeling. When I got home I made some food and then dived into more secured transactions studying, I’m somewhere over 200 cards now and up to page 36 out of 47 so not bad at all. I worked on those until around 7, at which point I called it for the day. I was having a bit of a craving for vanilla pudding, but I didn’t want to put all the effort into making homemade when it would take forever to chill and set anyway, and I did have a packet of instant pudding mix, so I made that and well, it tasted quite artificial unfortunately. I tried to improve it by adding some crushed up oreos, which kinda helped, but also made the whole thing a caloric nightmare, so I need up abandoning that plan. Oh well. I went to watch episodes 4 and 5 of Krypton, during episode 4 I paused it to take a phone call from my parents. So I was telling my dad about the Title IX stuff (I have to tell my civil rights professor about it tomorrow, he’s gonna flip) because the girl contacted me today about how to file a complaint and she’s gonna do it, so I was pleased to do that. She did a bit of digging and found that the school was also violating something called the Clery Act which has to do with reporting crime statistics on campus, which was something they were not at all doing, so I hunted down how to file a complaint under that statute as well. I honestly have zero sympathy for the school at this point because they’ve had this a LONG time coming, we were dealing with Title IX bullshit way back in the beginning of my senior year in 2013, and I’ve heard many other stories of them just totally screwing people over, so the former student lawyer they created being the one to take them down sounds like perfect poetic justice to me. So of course my dad was pleased to hear that. If I ever do end up in private practice, or maybe just as a side thing, I would definitely consider doing some Title IX cases in practice, I’ve had some luck with it so far and it’s an area that desperately needs advocates for the students who tend to fall through the (numerous) cracks in the system. He was then telling me about the crazy case my brother was doing that involved this lady coming up to this guy and telling him that his wife was having an affair with her husband, and guy responds with well hey we should have an affair then and she was like um no??? and then he started stalking her and apparently came to the fucking SCHOOL where she works with a fucking rifle in his car, so he got arrested for that real fast, but then his wife, the one that was having an affair with this lady’s husband, bailed him out, but he violated the OP in like two days so he got arrested again and they bumped the bail up from $10K to $50K, so hopefully that will make him stay put for a while, though then again this is the Hamptons so who knows what will happen. I also told my brother there were some real nuts out there. My dad then was talking about his latest campaign regarding opiate addiction and how to potentially approach it from a legal area, because the first suits are only just being filed now, but it looks like the companies are gonna be HELLA liable for taking huge measures to straight up lie to the public that these drugs weren’t addictive when they very much new they were, so they’re gonna get screwed over there (as they should be). When I got off the phone I realized Brooklyn 99 was on, so I tuned into that and of course it was a fantastic episode, I loved Amy chasing down the guy in the wedding dress and using the sash as handcuffs 😂 that was too hilarious. After that I went back to Krypton, watched the rest of episode 4 and then episode 5, so I’m not officially caught up to what’s currently airing, though I still can’t wait it live because we don’t get syfy (ughh). But yeah, I’m digging it so far, it’s super interesting and I want to know more about their society and how it works. I absolutely love Lyta, she’s such a fucking badass who refuses to take anyone’s crap and basically I adore her. I like Adam Strange a lot too, this dork, he’s just fantastic. So yeah, I’m done with that so I guess I’ll go back to GoT when I have free tv time after watching my various currently airing stuff. It was like 9:45 when I finished Krypton, but I didn’t want to go to bed quite yet so I just turned on the news for a bit before starting to get ready for bed, and then I was here writing this. Tomorrow is my last day of class, ever, so that’s kind of exciting? I’m mostly excited to be done, lol. Can’t wait for this to just be over and be on the other side of finals, and only have to worry about the bar and not a bunch of other things. Sigh. So much to do. But I’m pretty tired now so I think I shall end this here. Goodnight lovelies. Have a positive Monday, even if your Mondays suck.

[wfhigh-school]

Fallz

taryn

            “T, what did you do with my blood?”

           Looking up from her chemistry book, Taryn arched an eyebrow at her aunt. To anyone else, this may have caused panic. For her, it simply made her stomach the slightest bit upset. Her aunt drank blood. “Blood”. It was a thick, unsatisfying mixture of cherry sludge and a type of alcohol Taryn couldn’t even read the name of. Of course her aunt couldn’t just guzzle real blood. It was illegal. Still, she was convinced the “vegan blood” worked just the same as it did for her fellow Cullens.

           Taryn hadn’t actually touched her concoction- this time. “Not sure, but can’t you just go buy more?”

           Her aunt turned towards her. Jet black hair shifted over her shoulder and fell almost to the back of her knees. Despite how weird Suki was; Taryn had always envied her aunt’s beauty. In that way she was a true vampire. “Well, yeah, but it’s not cheap stuff.”

           “Oh,” Taryn said simply, her mind already going back to the review questions for her lab. She was going to be late, originally. Not because of an incident or anything, but just because she didn’t exactly care enough to be there right on time. But since her aunt had already begun to get a little weird for six-thirty in the morning, Taryn grabbed her truck keys off the table.  “I’m heading out. Good luck with your blood,” she said, picking up her book and stuffing it into the messenger bag she carried.

           Taryn’s truck was huge and old, and really not her style. But it was all her aunt could get for her and she definitely wasn’t going to refuse a vehicle that could get her out when her aunt brought all her friends over. It roared to life, not without a small bit of backfire, and she backed out of the dirt road in front of her trailer. School was a bit further away for her than most kids, probably. She was technically in the private school district but money kept her from going there. Not that she minded. Taryn had no desire to work that hard for grades.

           She pulled into the furthest parking lot from school. Partly to keep other kids from laughing about her truck and partly because she still had issues actually keeping the Ford between both white lines. “Jesus,” she mumbled, clambering down from the seat. The entire back lot was empty. Taryn didn’t realize she was quite so early. When she had to wait for a janitor to unlock her chemistry class, though, she figured she’d start actually checking the time before she jetted out of the house.

teddy

           She held her eyes open during the breakfast prayer. Theodore was squeezing her palm painfully tight. It was like he knew his daughter wasn’t listening anymore, that she didn’t believe anything that came out of his mouth. His other kids didn’t either at this point. Teddy’s little brother was worse than she was, really. Only fifteen years old but he had such liberal ideals. She knew he would go on to do great things for the world someday, if he could keep up the act around their dad. For her it had gotten harder the past year. With her graduation only a year away, he’d once again been pushing her towards a Christian college a few hours away. The distance sounded amazing but Teddy really wanted to go to UCLA.

           “Amen,” she mumbled as everyone else around the table did. Her already open eyes met her brother’s across the table. He looked as calm as ever, the placid smile that he usually wore around the family readily in place. “Do you mind if I leave a little early for school?” Teddy asked, wiping her damp palm on her pants. “I need to ask Mrs. Fuller a question about our lab.”

           Theodore looked at his daughter for a second over the rim of his orange juice. Teddy could drive, of course, but not an inch without permission. “Yes, that’s fine. Take Jordan with you.”

           Usually, there may have been protest from her younger brother. This time, however, he shrugged his shoulders. “I’m ready when you are, Teds.”

           “Awesome,” she said. Teddy took the last bite of fruit off her plate and stood. Her father grabbed her hand before she could walk away and raised one thin eyebrow at her. “I’ll be safe.” She sighed and placed a kiss on his forehead.

           Outside, safe in her car, Jordan let out a monstrous “fuck”.

           Teddy turned up the radio and put the car in reverse, leaving her seatbelt unbuckled. “What’s wrong with you?” She asked.

           “His shit gets more and more ridiculous every day.”

           She let out a small laugh. Fifteen, and already so tired of it. He had a long road ahead of him, really. Both of them knew that Theodore would push harder than he ever had before to try and get Jordan into pastoral school. It was the destiny of all Smith men, even the ones who didn’t carry the last name. Too bad Teddy wouldn’t be having children of her own. She stayed quiet on their ride to school, per usual, as Jordan chattered on about a rally he had gone to the night before. When they reached the junior parking, Teddy found a spot rather close to the front and swerved into it before another car could make it in. The boy honked, but she threw a raised middle finger over her shoulder and turned the key off in the ignition.

           “I’m not waiting another hour for you after school,” Jordan said as a goodbye, grabbing his bag from the back. When he pulled it over the console, the clips on one side scratched her arm. “Whatever girl it is this time can wait.”

           Teddy rolled her eyes. “Oh, please. I was getting help with chemistry from a male teacher. That’s more your thing.” She patted his shoulder as she climbed out of her Buick. “See ya at the bell.”

           Her chemistry lab was nearly right inside the doors closest to her. Teddy walked to her desk in the middle of the room and set her bag on the table. She didn’t actually have any questions for their teacher, she just wanted to skip out on her father’s morning conversation. There was another girl in the back of the room there as well. Her name was Taryn, but that was about as much as Teddy knew about her. Well, that was one-hundred percent truthful anyway. Lots of rumors floated around the girl. It was part of the reason that Teddy had never even tried to mess with her, even though she was rather cute.

[legit9ja]

Episode 23: The Diary Of Nymphomaniac

CLICK TO READ EPISODE 22 I was admitted into the Federal University at Awka and I was so good to go. “Hello babe” I said, when I picked up my phone that was ringing. “How are you” Nikky asked me “I am fine dear… What did you score in your exam”? I asked her “160” She said with an angry tone “What about you”? She asked me “165” I replied with an angry tone too. She showed empathy and consoled me “So will you still attend the lesson again” She asked me “Yes” I replied… Let me call you back” I said to her. I quickly terminated the call and blocked her number from my phone. I was making preparations and having dreams about what the university life would be all about. Then one evening, there was a knock on the door… “Pastor Peter” My father yelled. Immediately I heard his name, I knew I was in deep poo.He always saw funny visions about me, and I wondered what he has seen again this time around. After the exchange of pleasantries, “Is your boy around? Please call him” He said to my father. I didn’t wait to be called, and I entered the parlor already. “I saw something about you, and it is not so good” He said “You have done a lot of bad things since this year and something bad is about to happen” He continued. My dad was already staring at me like someone that stole his money. I knew what those eyes meant and I realized I was in for something serious. “I don’t want you to touch him sir” Pastor Peter said and I immediately breathed a heavy sigh of relief. “But the lord wants something to be done to avert all these” He continued “Anything, I will do it” My father said with enthusiasm… He opened his mouth and started prophesying “WHAT”?? I shouted during the middle of the prophesy. Few months later I was packing my bag to resume at one of the best private universities in the southern part of Nigeria. I was thinking of how my journey was going to be, and also my stay in the school. Pastor Peter had warned my dad about me not going to a federal university because he foresaw that I would join bad gangs and will be killed in the end. I was just like a sheep going to the slaughter house while I was being escorted to the school compound. When we got to the gate, it was like a prison filled with inmates. We did a security check at the first gate before we proceeded to the second gate and then to the main compound of the “School”. They checked my luggage and there was a big shout of “No camera phone ooo…” all the time. Well, I never bothered because they already bought me a big torch light Nokia phone that would end up being my best friend in school. We headed straight for the bank, and the procedure just got me tired. Everything was mechanical with little or no room for modern technology. We waited in turns to pay our fees and the line was just like a voting queue; with the help of dad, they gave us special permission and we paid. We now took a tour round the main school compound where we visited various personnel in other to get my registration number. All I saw were boys and girls strolling round the school compound aimlessly and walking in pairs. I was so shocked and felt like crying already. “Why did you do this to me” I asked Dad with a very sad face that was almost filled with tears. “This place will make you become a better person academically and morally” He replied with a smile. I was just too weak to talk and I was already running temperature already with enough headache. We finally met with the registrar and I was given a registration number and filled up other forms, and I was good to go. We hurried back to the gate… “Alright, any other thing”? Daddy asked as he was about leaving “I don’t like here… daddy please” I begged “I have already paid above 400 thousand” Just be a good boy and don’t break any rules “Wait, speak to your mummy” Daddy added “Mummy, please I don’t like here” I was crying slowly and saying it “Daddy said it is a nice school” Mummy added “No mummy, it is not. It is just like a prison yard” I said with tears “Baby… just manage. You will soon be out” She said as she consoled me on phone. I was thinking of how soon I will be out. I am was about to study an Engineering course that would last for five years, and mummy was saying I will be out soon. “How soon is five years” I asked myself. “Alright, good-bye” Daddy added as he was leaving the school gate. I kept staring at him till he moved away from my sight. “Oga pack this your load and vanish from here” One of the security guys yelled at me and brought me back to reality. I felt like giving him a heavy slap… “You feel like slapping him shebi” One guy said by myside… “Not really: I said while laughing “I am martin” He responded as he brought out his hand for a handshake. I shook him firmly and exchanged some pleasantries “I saw you crying to your father, guess you don’t wana come here” Martin asked me “You are correct bro, I feel so sad and dejected… I don’t like it here” I said to him “Don’t worry, you will soon adapt fast. It is actually fun here” He said “I am a school rep, so I will help you the way I can” He concluded. He asked the security man to help me pack my luggage inside the waiting bus to be transported to the hostel. “Ask for hall Rep Martin, room X” He mentioned the name of the hostel before I left. I was transported to the boy’s hostel and believe me, immediately I reached, it was like another state in a state. I saw boys cooking outside, some were playing basket, some were playing football in the hostel field while some were carrying some little weight located in the open field. It was a rowdy environment filled with noise and I was just so lost. They offloaded my luggage just outside the hostel and I sat down looking like someone who just traveled abroad for the first time. “Please, do you know hall Rep Martin’s room” I asked one of the guys that came around my side. He directed me and I followed his direction. While I was going, I remembered I forgot my luggage outside and with a speed of light, I dashed off to where it was located. “You came to protect your bag”? One guy who saw me asked “Yes ooo… before they steal it” I said with a seriousness. They gave me a very wicked laugh and I almost felt embarrassed. “Na new comer sha” One of the guys said to his friend “Even if you leave your luggage here till tomorrow, nobody will touch it” One of the guys said to me. It was sounding too good to be true and I thought they wanted to play on my intelligence and steal from me. I only thanked them for their advice and sat tight with my only inheritance in the school. I stayed there till hall rep Martin came around and asked me to follow him to his room, so that he can allocate a room to me. “What about my luggage” I asked while chasing after him “Just leave it there and follow me” It was sounding like a Japanese language “That I should leave my bag, not possible” I said to myself. I managed to grab hold of the bag that harbored my provision and cloth while I chased after him. “They won’t steal it even if you leave it outside” Hall rep martin said while I was in his room “I will give you room XY for now till they allocate a room officially to you guys” He concluded. I quickly moved my bags to the allocated room and it was like a room in one of these American movies where they harbor criminals but the difference is that this room was filled with Christian Elders. I greeted everyone in the room and packed in like someone they chased away from home. I was given a warm reception, a brief introduction and induction as soon I had settled down. That night was one of the worsts; I just slept like a log of wood and woke up very tired without knowing what else to do. “You have to go finish your registration and start attending lectures” One of the older students name Femi told me. He was a medicine student of 400 level and looking at him, you would know that truly he is a medicine student. I quickly rushed to a crowded bathroom while I waited for my turn to bath. It was a horrible sight looking at some guys Unclad and jumping up and down the bathroom corridor and making a whole lot of noise. I succeeded in bathing while I dashed off into the school compound to do the needful. “Seems you are also new” I asked her “Yes, how did you know” She asked. “I saw the way you were staring around like you lost your money, and then I knew you were also lost like me” I replied with a cool smile. We both laughed over it and exchanged pleasantries. “Lets strike a deal” I said to her with a wink “what deal, hope it will favor me too” She asked. hope it will favor me too” She asked with a smile. She had a very cute smile that could melt even the heart of a saddist. “You will help me with my registration, while I help you with yours” I said to her with a smile. “Wow, sounds nice, but change you change the first person to get help to me”? She asked with a mean face “No, I brought up the idea, so I will go first” I said with a mean face too. After much debate and logic, I gave into her argument. “I am Queen” She said “I am King” I replied. We both laughed again and headed straight for business. After making much progress with her registration, we decided to go take lunch. We ordered for various delicacies and I was about making payment before I heard “I hate being paid for; as long as we are together, the bills will be on me” She said with a smile. I was doubting the source where such words was coming from as I kept looking around to her amusement. “Anything wrong”? She asked “Yea, someone was saying something about paying for me, so I was looking for where the voice was coming from” I replied with a sarcastic face “Don’t be silly joor… I said it” She said with a loud laugh that drew attention. I kept on staring at her while I quietly brought out my wallet and made payments. “You paid? Why?” She queried “I pay for Angels alone, and you look like one I always see in my dreams” I said with a mean face. Questions upon questions, jokes upon jokes, laughter upon laughter, and the chemistry between both of us were developing. I was so tempted to touch her, and she knew what I was thinking of doing. “It is not allowed here” She said and immediately, my dicck shrunk like a snail that was touched “I wasn’t thinking of anything” I said with a disappointed face. She laughed hard and we decided to leave the cafeteria. We went to the auditorium where 100 level students always took lectures and we found a seat right at the back of the hall. I got to know that her father was a politician in one of the states of Nigeria. “What does your father do” She asked me “He is a friend to a politician” I said with much laughter. She laughed so hard that she almost fell from her seat. On a lighter note again, she asked again and I told her the truth. “You shouldn’t spend for me again. I already like you, so don’t bother to impress me” She said with a smile. I felt happy and embarrassed at the same time. “But I have money na” I said jokingly “Do you have up to 200,000 naira in your account” She asked me with a smile “Yes, but I have used it for school fees” I said while laughing. “I have more than enough to spend, and I want you to be part of it” She said while squeezing my hand tightly. I came closer for a kiss but I was reminded once again of the rules of the school. “I am gonna be a virgin for the next 3 months” I said jokingly “I am still a virgin, so no big deal about being one” She said with a tongue out face. I didn’t know whether to be happy or happy, so I remained happy. We were seen together almost every time of the day and also of the week. We did virtually everything in common except sleeping together and bathing. She kept on buying and spending till I was becoming ashamed of collecting. “Baby please, stop spending for me” I pleaded with a low tone as after some series of lectures we had. “I love you and I am happy doing it” She said while holding my hands “But people will soon notice and start abusing me” I asked her “Alright, I will be giving you the money, and you will be the one paying” She said. The first time I was giving the sum of 5000 naira to pay for our meals for the day, I became confused as to what to do with it. “Let’s use this money and buy foodstuffs, so that you can cook and maybe give me from there” I suggested “I hate cooking” She replied boldly “Wow… that’s nice, me too” I replied back “I have money that can last me for 6 months, so don’t be scared” She reminded me. The eating and the fun and the enjoyment can’t be explained in this diary. At a point in time, I even knew her ATM pin and even withdrew with it. When I saw her account balance, I was ashamed of myself. I knew that truly there was a class difference. We spent a lot of time at night, saying various s*xy things, sending cute messages and talking about love. CLICK TO CONTINUE READING... Click to Post