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mythiccheroacademia · 4 years ago

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Attitude

A/N: Lord knows I got a nasty attitude when I get in my feelings. I swear I’m working on it 😭 Anyways, when my past entanglments used to (respectfully) put me in my place, it had me feelings some things 🥴 so I’m translating that into headcanons. Hopefully this will get me out of my little writer’s block. Hope y’all enjoy ❤️

Warnings: cursing, implied sexual activity

Todoroki Natsuo:

natsuo is generally an easy-going person so it takes a lot to get him riled up

when you get an attitude, it doesnt really bother him bc he can understand where you’re coming from

but dont get too disrespectful bc he’ll remind you who you’re talking to

like when you do poorly on an exam and it just ruins your mood

you don’t feel like talking to anybody so you ignore his text when he asks you to meet up for lunch

he’ll assume you didnt see it or youre napping

but then he spots you on campus and goes to hug you

he notices you’re stiff in his arms but doesnt think much of it

“did you see my text?” he asks

“yea, sorry. i forgot to respond.”

that makes him give you a side eye bc that’s what you usually say to people when you just didnt want to answer their text

“it’s okay if you had other things to do. you just had to tell me—“

“i said i forgot, okay? sorry!”

his head kind jerks back in surprise but he drops it

he’s a todoroki, so instead of giving you space, the dense™️ gene activates and he’s all up in your business

even though he’s only being a good bf and trying to cheer you up, you’re annoyed af

texts you throughout the rest of your day about how you’re doing even though you respond with two word sentences

shows up to your dorm and you only let him in bc you feel bad

and he brought food

but now you’re regretting it bc he’s just yip yapping away and his cheery attitude is pissing you off

fed up, natuso finally confronts you after you snap at him one too many times

“what’s with the attitude, y/n”

“i don’t have one” (okay miss girl)

“well you’ve been acting like you have one all day”

you smacked your teeth and got up “i don’t care natsuo. if you think i do then you can just—“

“y/n”

natsuo barks your name in a way that makes you turn your head

he grabs your arm and firmly tugs you back on the couch so you’re face to face with his frown

“now i dont know who you’re mad at, but i know it ain’t me. so you can either sit here and have a conversation with me like an adult or i can leave bc i don’t need the attitude”

you: 😮

you keep up an annoyed faaçade but inside youre melting

who knew natsuo could be so assertive?

like damn, okay daddy

you apologize and telling him what’s got you so sour

once you seem relaxed, he goes back to his usual self and y’all end up cuddling until his hands start roaming your body

next thing you know, youre making great use of the couch

needless to say, you were back to your normal self the next morning LMAO

Shigaraki Tomura:

shigaraki is not the one

he might have his moments, but ever since he grew into his role, he expects everyone else to do the same

he lets his friends and loved ones get away with a lot of shit so he doesnt think it’s hard to give him some respect

and usually, it isn’t

but ever since he woke up, he’s been practically ignoring you

you got one kiss and a “missed you” and he kept it pushing

like bitch, wtf?

you know you were being selfish and petty but you went three whole months without dick your man and for him to pretty much ignore you bc he was “busy with his responsibilities” was making you feel some type of way

king of the underworld or not, you weren’t gonna take this laying down

for the next few days you were ms/r. petty 😌

every time he tried to greet you, you’d just nod your head and keep walking

he’d try to kiss you and you’d turn your head so his lips would land on your cheek instead

if you came back late, he’d ask you where you were, just to try and make conversation, and you’d just say “out”

shiggy is confused atp and it’s pissing him off

he didnt have the time to ask you about it before it got bad

there’s a meeting with the higher-ups, talking about the next game plan and you walk in about five min late bc you were held up with a previous responsibility

shigaraki happily regards you

“y/n, good. we wanted to wait for you before we started.”

“oh that’s suprising. didn’t think you’d notice my absense. sorry for the hold up,” you bite before sitting down with a huff

everyone: 😦

you: 🙃

shigaraki: 🤨

the people in the room are sweating bc now that shigaraki was thicc™️ and highkey indestructible, he was actually really scary now

even though you were his respected s/o, no one knew how he’d react

surpringly, he ignores your attitude and starts the meeting; so everyone forgets about it

the meeting goes on and whiles someone else is talking, you notice your bf shuffle his chair closer to yours

you give him a side eye “what do you--”

shigaraki grabs the side of your neck in a firm grip and pushes your ear against his lips

“i don’t know what’s up with you, but watch it, sweetheart” he whispers before he goes back to listening like nothing happened

you: well call me scared and horny!

when the meeting ends, it’s just the two of you and he eventually figures out why you’re being like this

he gives you a smirk and calls you a spoiled brat before laying you across the table and apologizing to you in the best way he knows how

Dabi:

lmaooo funny how you think this man gives a fuck

you’re really beefin with yourself bc he don’t got enough energy to deal with the pettiness

if you act way out of line though, don’t put it beneath him to retaliate

you give him nice, he’ll treat you sweeter

but you give him bitch, he’ll give you bitch back tenfold

it’s the same for you

you’re just as jelaous and stuborn as he is

you’re perfect for each other but still a lil toxic in a good way 💀

one time, you dragged him to go grocery shopping with you (he really hates how much he likes you lmao)

whiles you were a ways away getting something, a woman came up to him and started flirting with him

*spidey senses activated*

you watch from afar, expecting him to immediately turn her down but he “plays nice” and you can see him gobble up the attention

it’s not until she asks for his number that he points to you and she genuinely apologizes before taking her leave

dabi acts all surprised when you throw a soup can in the cart and stalk off

“you good bro?” he asks

“i’m great and i’m not your bro” you say, but there’s a clear attitude in your voice

you couldnt even hide it on your face

he’s mad confused, but dabi doesn’t push it bc he doesn’t time for all that

“okay, be mad by yourself lol”

you weren’t even that mad but now since he wants to be funny, it’s game over

“and you go fuck your other bitches”

he literally turns into that nick canon meme

dabi’s head is spinning

bc wtf are you even talking about, my guy?

“yooo, i dont know who you talking to but i know it’s not me”

“who tf else is here, dumbass?”

now you got him heated and he’s this close to just walking up out the store

but he thinks youre hot when you’re being crazy so he stays

he grabs your wrist to stop you “you’re doing a lot”

you snatch it out his hand, “and you didn’t do enough when that woman came up to you and started putting moves on you!”

ahh, so that’s why you’re angry

dabi’s anger fades and now he’s chuckling

“oh so you think this is funny? i’m not gonna stand here and be disrepsted by no man looking like a fucking burnt piece of charcoal--”

he pulls you into his arms and smothers your rant in a kiss that makes you see stars

you’re lucky the aisle is empty bc you spend the next ten seconds with his tongue down your throat

when he pulls back, he smirks at your speechlessness

“well this burnt piece of charcoal is your man. no one else’s. and don’t forget it, doll-face”

he smacks your ass and walks away leaving you nearly skipping behind him

#todoroki natsuo #natsuo x reader #shigaraki tomura #shigaraki x reader #dabi #todoroki touya #dabi x reader #bnha headcanons #mha headcanons #bnha x black!reader #mha x black reader #mha x poc!reader #bnha x poc!reader #bnha x reader #mha x reader

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mqnasluvr · 4 years ago

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heya ! i heard you were new around here, could i request headcanons of enemies to lovers with kaeya and childe ? any pronouns are fine ! they’re so annoying i hate how i love them nevertheless,, thank you belladonna and take your time <3

enemies to lovers | kaeya alberich

pairings; kaeya x gn!reader

mentioned; jean

warnings; enemies to lovers but it’s pretty one sided, spoilers for kaeyas backstory, no beta we die like men, a lil bit of kaeya slander im sorry i had to, gn! reader

word count; 2k

a/n; where did kyquu go? :( i hope they at least see this.. i didnt finish childes part but i wanted to push this out as soon as possible. :(

kaeya

to put it simply, your relationship with kaeya was... tiring.

you had been close to kaeya and his younger brother for years, them being your closest and most trusted friends throughout part of your childhood and teenage years. but that all came to a halt when the former admitted to being a spy from khaenri'ah.

in no way or form did he expect for you two to forgive him— but actually seeing your broken and betrayed faces hurt him more than he thought it would, and the image still haunts him to this day.

you had separated yourself from the two brothers. although diluc didn’t do anything wrong, you didn’t want to pick between them ( even though you really should’ve ). that decision was too hard for you to make.

for years, you stayed out of touch with kaeya as he continued to climb the ranks within the knights of favonius, and you followed, much to your dismay. you worked hard to become a knight, and you weren’t going to quit just because of some bad blood between you and your superior. ( props to you for maturity )

he wanted nothing more than to reconnect with you, and maybe even diluc— but that was wishful thinking. diluc ragnvindr was a stubborn, hardheaded man, and getting past that exterior would be no simple feat.

so, he opted for ( not so ) subtly courting you— giving you the occasional wave whenever he saw you walking through mondstadt, offering to help you train ( although you declined every time ), and other small things. you question why he chose to do this now of all times, after half a decade of not speaking to each other.

you weren’t sure how to feel, but it made you agitated. not seething with rage, but it did annoy you to see his lazy grin whenever he walked into the angels share and saw you sitting in the corner of the room. it annoyed you whenever he did that stupid two finger salute before walking off, and archons, did it annoy you when he patted your shoulder after sparring as if you were the best of buds.

then why did your thoughts never stray from him?

that question, you couldn’t answer.

and so, you resorted to treating him like he didn’t exist. it was rude, but you couldn’t really think of anything else. avoiding him like the plague was the one thing you were good at.

as if things couldn’t get any worse, one of your worst nightmares came to fruition.

“jean, please. why can’t i do this mission with you? why... him?” you were basically at the acting grand masters feet, head in your hands and pleading up at the woman. she felt bad, but there was nothing she could do.

“i’m really sorry y/n. but i’m too busy with other things, and kaeya happens to be available. you know an ordinary knight wouldnt be able to take this mission,” her guilt worsened when you looked up at her with ( fake ) tears in your eyes. she kneeled to your height.

“i don’t know of your history with kaeya, but please, just put it aside for this one mission. it shouldn’t take you very long.”

jean helped you stand to your feet, the frown etched into her face growing deeper when she saw your shoulders slump. “alright, fine..i’ll try-”

“jean! have you seen y/n— ah, there they are,” kaeya waltzed in without so much as a knocking, making you jump in surprise and shoot a glare at him. he flashed you a lazy grin.

“speak of the devil..” you muttered.

“are you ready to go? we don’t have much time.” the mission you were assigned was to gain intel on what the fatui were planning. to get said intel, you had to sneak into a gathering held by the fatui. the dresscode was rather expensive— more expensive than anything you owned— so to help you out, kaeya took the liberty of purchasing an outfit for you.

kaeya dropped it into your arms. “change into this. don’t want to show up to a party wearing uniform, do you?”

“thanks...” your face felt warm from embarrassment, but you did have to admit, that was considerate of him.

he laughed and waved his hand, shaking his head. “let’s get going, yeah?”

—

you finished getting ready with the help of jean. she sent you one last apologetic gaze before walking you out the door, waving at you both.

kaeya didnt even hide the fact that he was checking you out. his eyes raked over your attire, before sticking his arm out for you to hold. “my, my, you look quite impressive, y/n. is everything suited to your tastes?”

you huffed and walked past him. “the corset is too tight, and the shoes are too small.” you were only half lying— the corset was a bit uncomfortable to move in, but he got your shoe size down to a T. how? you didn’t really want to know.

“if that’s the case, i can loosen it for you-”

“no.”

kaeya laughed it off, and you only grew more irritated. “come now, y/n. don’t be so stiff.”

“i am perfectly content with being stiff, thank you. now hurry up, i want to get this over with,” you muttered the last part.

you didn’t want to admit that you were struggling to take your eyes off of his attire. he was clad in a white suit with blue complimentary colors to match your own outfit.

you rolled your eyes. ‘of course he’d get us matching outfits.’

but, you didnt find yourself minding all too much.

—

the party looked like any other party— fatui agents littered all over the residence, along with guests in fancy clothing.

you tugged on your sleeve, feeling uncomfortable and out of place. but on the outside, yourself and kaeya blended in pretty well.

because kaeya was such a well known figure, he had to change up his looks a bit. no eyepatch, ( i know, so uncharacteristic ) and he used contacts to change his eye color to a darker shade.

he also put that disgusting rat tail away.

so he didn’t look completely different, but he looked different enough.

...the change was nice.

you couldnt help but feel watched though. but that was to be expected. even though you felt somewhat secure in this situation, anxiety rests for no one. it rested in the pit of your stomach dormantly, waiting for a moment to bloom.

looking around the ballroom, kaeya found people dancing in the middle. deciding that it was better to at least enjoy the party before leaving, he stood in front of you and held his hand out, bowing.

“may i have this dance?”

“who do you think i am-”

kaeya flashed you a cautious glance, head nodding towards a fatui agent who was keeping their eye on the two of you. holding back a sigh, you placed your hand in his. he grinned.

“thank you,” he said. you grunted quietly and held back a roll of your eyes as he dragged you to the middle of the dance floor.

“attention whore,” you muttered, feeling warmer as he placed his hand on your lower back and pulled you in closer.

“you wound me, y/n.”

“you deserve it. i wish i could slap you.”

he stayed quiet. maybe too far?

you shook your head. no. there was no way you we’re going to let yourself feel sorry for him when he was literally a spy.

but he feels honest enough.

sure, his intentions at first were.. questionable. but he’s changed for the better. kaeya has been in mondstadt for years now, and khaenri'ah fell ages ago. his love for mond shouldn’t be doubted for a second, even if he hides it quite well.

before you could look up and make sure your words didn’t hurt him too badly, he leaned down near your ear.

“we have to go.”

“what-”

“i’ll explain later, but we have to go,” he grabbed your hand and pulled you through the crowd.

you didn’t notice, but several of the fatui agents were watching you. you didnt change your looks as much as he did, opting to use simple touch-ups to make yourself more presentable. but it wasn’t enough.

“hey!” one of that agents shouted, and kaeya turned his head back to see how close they were. like he suspected, they were following gou. they pushed through the people, even going as far as knocking one man over, just to catch up.

you hurried your steps along with kaeya, almost sprinting to keep up with him. his grip on your hand was firm though. you two dashed up the stairs onto the third floor of the residence, where the bedrooms were. offices, libraries, bedrooms— they were all there. kaeya picked a random one and shoved you both inside.

it was a red themed bedroom, the lights dim with papers scattered along the desk on the other side of the room. “it seems we’ve gotten lucky,” kaeya joked, skimming over the papers. they were letters, between the fatui and some unknown source. kaeya stashed them in his jacket.

you didn’t understand how he could joke at a time like this. you still arent in the clear and you could hear rapid footsteps coming upstairs. “kaeya—!”

“you know how you said you wanted to slap me?” he said while tucking the last bit of papers into his suit. he didnt even give you a chance to answer. “you can, after this.”

you were confused, but when he backed you up against the wall and pressed his lips to yours, that confusion turned into anger, then more confusion, then understanding.

sighing when you finally caught on, he pulled your body closer to his and you wrapped your arms sround his shoulders. he tugged and nipped on your bottom lip, and if you didnt know any better your knees would be knocking. he was almost too good at this.

suddenly, an agent— a female one, this time— barged in. “have you— hey! take that shit elsewhere, lovebirds!”

kaeya hid your face in his chest, grinning lazily at the woman. his lips were swollen and his eyes were lidded. the woman blushed.

clearing her thoat, she held up a picture of you. well, moreso the back of your head. “have you seen this individual?”

he stared at the woman, then glaced down at you. “..sorry. i’ve been busy, i haven’t seen anyone of the sort. wish i could help,” he shrugged, and the ladies blush worsened. “o-of course..” she muttered, before closing the door and locking it.

kaeya snorted at the irony. he looked back at you, who was still touching your lips with your fingers.

“was i that good?” he chuckled, and caught your hand when you moved to slap him. his laughter died down and he looks oddly serious.

“y/n, we need to talk..”

“...no we dont,” you turned your back to him. he put his hand on your shoulder.

“yes,” he sighed. “we do. i know you didnt want to do this with me-”

“kaeya..”

“-and really, i understand. but i’ve changed, and i know you’ve noticed. i dont want you to hate me forever-”

“kaeya-”

“and you can’t-”

“kaeya!” you nearly yelled. he finally stopped talking over you. “i don’t want to talk about this right now. can you just drop it?”

“then when?” he narrowed his eyes. he laughed humorlessly when there was no reply.

kaeya’s eyes softened the longer you stayed silent. he gently grabbed your wrist and pulled you in for a hug. “...sorry.”

“could you please shut up,” you mumbled into his chest. he laughed softly.

“i know you’re wary right now. but all i ask for is a second chance,” he pulled away and hend your hands together in his. “...please.”

it was an odd sight, seeing him this vulnerable. then again, there was a good chance he was faking it to get on your good side but.. for some reason you found it hard to believe that. he looked truly sincere.

you groaned.

“you better not make me regret this.”

#i took inspo from a fic i read on tiktok... ill try to find the original creator #kaeya x reader #kaeya x reader genshin impact #genshin x reader #genshin impact x reader #kaeya x y/n #kaeya x you

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tastyykpop · 4 years ago

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𝑆𝑤𝑒𝑒𝑡 𝐶𝑜𝑟𝑟𝑢𝑝𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛-ρ† 2

Pairings: enemy, student, barista!jaemin x student, barista!reader, (very small) taemin x reader

Suggestive, slight angst (you have to squint), fluff

<previous- next>

Warnings: dom!jaemin, brat!reader, brat taming kinda, possessiveness, degradation, praise, thigh riding, choking a lot, pet names, jealousy

a/n : here we go again👨‍🦯

"Is it true? Her and jaemin?" Students whispered amongst themselves and thats all you heard today, wondering why they were even talking about you and him. It was strange really, jaemin was nicer and there were very little pranks and even then, they weren't as bad as what they used to be.

"Y/n! Oh my god I can't believe it!" Yeri jumped with a smile plastered on her face, "Are you and jaemin together?"

You twisted your face in confusion. Is that what people think? "What!? No! Where did you even get that from?" You questioned.

Yeri smirked and leaned closer, "I heard from jeno that you both fucked." She leaned back, "is that true?"

"I- well thats not entirely wrong but what does that have to do with him and I dating?"

"Jaemins been nicer with you and there's rarely ever pranks. I mean, anyone with a brain could tell that something is up." Yeri pointed out. She raised an eyebrow as you glanced around, making sure no one can hear you.

"Okay yes me and jaemin did have sex, but seriously we aren't dating. And I'm just as shocked as you about the way he's acting." You whisper-yelled at your friend. She mouth fell into an 'o' shape as she nodded, then attempted to walk away until you grabbed and brought her back, "wait im missing something." You squinted, "please dont tell me everyone in the school knows."

"Okay I wont." She shrugged and tried to walk away again but your hand gripped her arm tighter, "Ow, did you get stronger?"

"Yeri I'm serious! No one was supposed to know and now everyone knows!" You slowly let go of her and stared at the ground, "i swear Im gonna kill that boy!"

Yeri snickered and patted your shoulder, "Dont you mean fuck him?"

"YERI!!"

Order after order, customer after customer, you began to wear down after a hard days work. Irene stayed for a bit at yours and jaemins station to help since it was so busy. And it still wasn't fast enough for all the orders that just kept coming. It felt like you weren't going to finish and the shop closed at 8:30, it was currently 8:17.

"Ugh why is there so many orders at this time?" Irene groaned from exhaustion, jaemin snickered.

"Just be happy we get payed after this." He said and you all agreed.

Everything seemed to suddenly slow down at the cafe as it was beginning to close. Only a few orders were actually left and after that, you could close.

Irene and jaemin cleaned up the stations. Of course Irene left first afterwards, and you counted the money at the register. And since youve been working here for almost 2 years, counting money was just as easy as walking. But since its been super busy today, it took you a while to count some of the coins. Only once while you counted did you mess up, but you brushed it away and started again.

"Can you be any slower?" Jaemin commented, having just finished his part.

Putting the money away after counting, you put your hands on your hips like a mom scolding her child, "Whats the hurry all of a sudden?"

He only giggled and ruffled your already messy hair, "I wanna spend time with my baby."

You tried your hardest not to blush.

"No way." You swatted his hand off your head.

"And why not?" He quirked an eyebrow as you and him walked to an empty table in the cafe.

"Cuz you told jeno what we did last night and now the whole school knows. I'm kinda mad at you right now." Groaning, you hid your head in your arms trying to avoid his gaze.

You couldnt see him, but you heard the sigh and knew he was pouting at you, buy you didn't bother looking up.

"Why can't I brag about how good you were?" Jaemin questions, leaving you to groan louder.

"This isnt what I wanted..."

The boy shifted in his seat and pulled your head out your arms, his hands holding the side of your cheeks, "then what did you want?"

Your cheeks puffed as you tried to find the right words, "...to not have done what we did last night."

"So you regret it?"

You shrugged.

Jaemin leaned back and stared at you with a cold face. He has a hint as to why youre now suddenly saying this, not only because of him telling his friends, but also because of his past with you. If he wasnt pranking you, he was making fun of you, if it wasn't that, he'd make you flustered with his words or actions. Jaemin was annoying, yes, but your reactions were priceless to him. You got annoyed by jaemin and you hated him. He didnt blame you even after all this.

"I guess im not really mad at you telling him, just more confused on why you had sex with me." You started playing with a strand of fallen hair and waited for his answer.

"I did what I wanted to do from the beginning; fucking you dumb. If you think there's another reason, there isn't." Jaemin crossed his arms with a half smile.

You stopped playing with your hair and glared at him, "No no there has to be more! You're way to nice to me now for that to be it!"

"Do you think I like you?" He suddenly leaned forward. You didnt bother saying anything and sat back in the chair, "Why would I like you?"

Its been a week since your last interaction with jaemin. Literally. Theres been no pranking or anything. It was odd, but you couldn't stop thinking back to what he said when you both were alone in the cafe. Something about that kind of stung. You dont know why but, you thought maybe, just maybe, he'd actually like you. And maybe, jimin was right about about you liking him.

"Hey how was work?" Jimin asked getting up from the couch. You noticed taemin was here too and it wasn't surprising anymore as he's been coming over recently this past week.

"It was a bit busy actually." You smiled, nodding your head in taemins direction to acknowledge him and he smiled in return. Cute.

Jimin came back to his seat on the couch and handed you and taemin a clas of iced tea, "Jaemin didnt do anything again huh?"

You shook your head, "You don't understand how weird this is. Like he completely stopped interacting with me." You sighed taking a sip and seat next to taemin before ranting again, "Wait...oh my god! Did I get played? Was he really just trying to fuck me this whole time?"

"Fu- what?" Taemin zipped his head at you.

"Its a long story-"

"No its not," jimin cut you off, "basically hes kind of a bully to her and hes always doing pranks and saying some provocative things, but magically," he started flailing his hands, "jaemin started being nice, said he wanted to 'fuck her dumb' and then she was in his bed."

"....so you just...let your bully fuck you??" Taemin squinted his eyes at you and you nodded slowly. "Interesting. "

"I dont even know why. Like it just happened." You stuck out your bottom lip and laid you head on taemins shoulder, "I can't believe I did that..."

"It was bound to happen." Jimin sipped his tea.

You lifted your head slightly off of taemins shoulder and stuck your tongue out, "You know what fuck you!"

"You both are like kids." Taemin said, moving to get up.

"Hm?" Jimin looked up from his iced tea, completely obvious to what taemin said and taemin shook his head.

"I need to get back home. Jimin don't stay up too late." Jimin whined at his friend as taemin got up, "y/n, be good." You gave him a thumbs up and watched as the black haired man left.

"Jimin hes cute." You frowned.

Jimin rolled his eyes, "tell him that next time then."

You rolled over so now you were laying on jimins lap and he gave you a look of disgust, but you ignored it, "Mans is too cute for someone like me to say something."

"Dude he literally called you cute the first day he met you." Jimin said a matter of factly.

"How do you know he wasnt lying?"

Jimin scoffed, "Taemin lying? Thats like me and you dating. It just doesn't go together."

"I dont know if i should be offended or happy." You glared.

"The latter." He averted his eyes from yours and continued watching the show on t.v.

2 classes in and your were already tired. If you hadn't had stayed up so late with jimin, crying over some k-drama, maybe you wouldve gotten a good night sleep. But because of that you looked dead. You didn't even try to look your best this morning, only throwing on a pair of sweats and a t-shirt and brushing your hair back. You thought you looked okay to some extent at least. Maybe not your normal self but at least you were presentable.

There's was only so much you could handle in your class right now too. Trigonometry was definitely not your strong suit and you wondered how you even got in this class.

People were hunched over doing their work and you were struggling with question one. It was a bit embarrassing. You looked to your right for answers but they were just as lost as you, so your left was your next move.

"I dont appreciate you cheating off my paper y/n." Jaemin whispered, making sure the professor didn't hear him.

"Sorry I'm just confused.." you grumbled, placing your pencil down, jaemin gave you a look.

"Maybe if you used your head you'd get it."

"Im not dumb jaemin."

He exhaled and rubbed his face with his hands, "Come over later ill help you."

You looked at jaemins partially completed paper then back at your blank one. You needed this if you wanted to pass but you also didn't want to be with jaemin at the moment and you weren't too sure what tricks the boy had up his sleeve.

"I dont think-"

"It wasnt a question." Jaemin then went back to his work, ignoring whatever protest you had as you were about to open your mouth.

It was at this point you even planned on not going later. The only thing is he really didn't like being disobeyed and you found him a bit scary when mad. It wouldnt be right to miss out on him tutoring you anyway because jaemin was a smart guy. With his help you should be able to pass easily given a few months.

The professor ended class a few minutes early. Jaemin and you both headed to your next class when someone tapped on your shoulder, making you curiously turn around.

"TAEMIN!" you leaped up and hugged the guy around his neck as he giggled with full cheeks. "What are you doing here?"

"I changed colleges since it was closer to where I was living, but I didnt realize you were here too!" He beamed.

Jaemin stood watching you both converse and giggle over small things. He wanted so badly to drag you away from taemin but he knew you weren't going to like him very much after that. But something about the two of you laughing and subtly flirting didnt sit right with him and he didnt know why. It wasnt jealousy because why would he be jealous with you? He didn't care about you in that way. So why was this making him angry?

"Y/n lets go to class." Jaemin interrupted the two of you.

"You can go ill be in shortly." You brushed him off as if he was nothing and began talking with taemin again. Jaemin despised it but listened to you and walked away.

You were happy taemin came to this school because now it gave you a chance to get closer with him. It was definitely the small crush that grew over the week that made you feel like a 14 year old girl whenever he said something remotely sweet.

Taemin and you stood just outside of the classroom door and you gave him a quick hug and good bye before heading into the room with a big smile.

Jaemin stared at you as you walked up the steps to your seat that was a few feet away from him. The smile plastered on your face made jaemin see how much of an impact taemin really had on you.

Seulgi and sana kept glancing back at you, snickering here and there. Something your not fazed by it anymore. Probably them planning another prank or something. You also felt another set of eyes behind you and looked back to see jaemin glaring at the back of your head. Wondering why he was doing that, you crooked your head to the side then faced the front again after not receiving any response from him.

Ten minutes passed and the professor never came. Students were still all around the room talking to each other and the room was noisy. You decided to just ignore everyone and focus on any work you could, everything other than trig. You were saving that for jaemin.

"Hey nana," jaemin looked away from you and gazed up at seulgi who was now standing in front of him, "theres a party later at Wendy's and joys house. You coming?"

You put the pencil down and started biting your nails, wondering what he would actually say, not that he would ditch on you, but still.

"Im working later." He simply said, seulgi rolled her eyes playfully.

"Ill come pick you up after just bring clothes."

Jaemin raised a brow, "ill be too tired to go."

He was starting to get on seulgis nerves as she grit her teeth, "Then ill come over after school."

You scoffed and rolled your eyes wondering why she was trying so hard. Clearly the boy didn't want to go, or at least go with her. You didnt understand how she couldn't see that.

"Can't im helping someone with trig after."

She leaned over his desk, jaemin not really fazed by anything as she kept coming closer, "I have a feeling you're lying nana."

"Why would I lie?" He replied stoic. "Y/n is coming over for help."

Its the way that literally everyone in the room looked back at jaemin and you. Such a weird pair. Now they really would be questioning the two of you.

You anxiously looked back at him, seulgi was up in his face, nose flared, jaemin remained still and not intimidated by her or the class. But you were ready for someone to say something.

"Whats with you and y/n all of a sudden?" Seulgi asked. You could tell she didn't want you to go over his house, that was pretty obvious, but its not like she could stop you.

"Nothing, she just needs help in trig."

The class was still silent, even after a good 30 seconds. Now you just wanted the professor come in and talk about some WW2 stuff so people would ignore this. But your were pretty sure your professor just didn't want to teach and stayed home for the day.

"You dont need to help her." She faked a smile when she glanced back at you. "Shes a smart girl."

Jaemin was just about ready to get up and walk away, "I want to help her pass, now I do believe your seat is over there." he pointed over to the middle row of seats, just a few before yours. Seulgi actually took the hint and walked away. Her eyes were trained on yours and she looked as if ready to say something but decided against it.

God, now you just wanted to leave.

Jaemin placed a notebook and an open textbook on trig in front of you. His eyes watched as you hesitated to do your homework. You would get ready to write then lean back in confusion. For you, something was just not clicking with the whole trigonometry thing. You even started to wonder why you were taking it.

"Look this is what you have to do." Jaemin sat up and took the pencil out of your hand and went through the steps. Despite him being shockingly good at explaining and teaching, you found yourself lost at his words and just started staring at his side profile. Admittedly, you had to say he was pretty. And his lips as he was talking made you hypnotized. They looked soft and you wondered if you'll ever be able to feel them again.

"Repeat what I had just said."

You snapped out of your thoughts and hesitated, looking back at the paper then slowly began going over what you remembered until you started stumbling over your words and then stopped when he placed his hand on your thigh.

Jaemin exhaled loudly, sounding very disappointed in you and the only thing you could do was wait for whatever he had to say, "Why aren't you paying attention to nana?" His voice remained the same, but his nickname was a complete contrast.

"Im sorry I was distracted..."

"Distracted." Jaemin raised an eyebrow, "Theres nothing here to distract you."

Although you wanted to say he's been distracting you, you most certainly didn't and spared yourself the embarrassment.

"Y/n whats distracting you?" Jaemin set aside the pencil and gave you his full attention. Yet you remained silent and let him figure it out himself. But he knew, you were pretty easy to read. This is why he tapped your thigh, trying to get an answer out of you.

"You already know. Why do I have to say it?"

"I wanna hear it come out of your mouth." Jaemin shrugged.

"Jaemin..." you mumbled staring at your blank notebook, "Can we just move on?"

"Say it first." Consequently jaemin only made things worse by moving his hand up and down on your thigh in a taunting manner. One way or another he'll make you flustered.

"Youre clearly the distraction now can we please move on. We only have an hour and a half until work." You blushed.

A playful smirk found its way to his lips as he hummed in agreement. His hand still rested on your thigh and he once again tried explaining the problem in front of you. Granted, your phone went off in the middle of his second attempt of explaining.

"Taemin texted me hold on." You reached to grab your phone but jaemin was faster. He took your phone and threw it on the bed behind him.

"Pay attention." Jaemin had said. But you decided to be a bit stubborn and decided to get up and grab your phone, but jaemin had other plans. Hence why now you were stuck in a death grip on his lap with a hand to your neck. You couldn't see his face, but you knew it was cold. Jaemin didn't like to be disobeyed even for a second. "You only listen to me when I make a move, so do I have to keep you in this position for you to do your work?" You quickly shook your head and tried to wiggle out of his strong grip, but jaemin wouldn't let you go. Particularly because he figured you'd try and grab your phone again, which in that case, wasn't going to happen. If you so desperately wanted to pass, hes going to make you pass. Jaemin doesn't care even if he has to go as far as disciplining you either. As long as you pass, he'll be fine.

"You dont want to disappoint nana right?" You shook your head again. "You have a voice, use it."

"N-no.."

Jaemin hummed and let go of your neck, still keeping you on his lap. "Now be a good girl and listen. This is the last time I'll repeat myself."

So then you listened. Certainly because jaemin would not hesitate in making you regret any decisions you had.

After his third explanation, you understood the whole process a bit more and began doing your work. Jaemin was happy to see you do the problems, only pointing out a few mistakes, but praising you after for getting them right. You'd try your best not to smile or blush by putting your head down or looking away. Jaemin found it cute and couldn't help but smile himself.

"Lets get ready for work." Jaemin tapped your thigh for you to get up then he made his way to the closet to find clothes.

"Do you have a white t-shirt I can use?" You asked and jaemin threw you a shirt. Luckily for you the dress code was white on top, black on bottom so you didn't need to worry about the pants.

The both of you changed swiftly, not really caring about each others presence as you've already seen each other naked.

Without warning, jaemin dragged you out the his car, not bothering to give you a chance to say you wanted to drive yours. And you both were off.

It was a silent car ride besides the soft music playing on the radio. Jaemin kept you occupied with a hand resting on your thigh. He had a nice hand, you weren't gonna lie, but besides you gawking at his hand, it really did keep your mind focused. Not even the streets filled with so much activity could make you stop staring. It came to the point where you ended up grabbing his hand and played with his fingers.

"If you like my hands so much maybe I should use them on you again." Jaemin said, your breathing stopped for a second and you faced him.

"I just... find your hands nice thats all. Nothing sexual nana." You emphasized his nickname with a mocking tone. But in reality it was a very lowkey sexual desire to have him feel you up again, or even finger you. Whatever it was, you didn't want to admit it.

Parking the car, you and jaemin went inside the cafe to find it was again very busy. Irene was at the register helping a customer with their order and when she glanced up, you could've sworn she saw a ghost.

She finished the order and looked between you two, "Am I missing something?" She asked, pointing a finger at you guys as if accusing you, "you never come in together nor even walk inches next to each other."

"Y/n was at my house because I was tutoring her for school, so I drove her here too." Jaemin responded and you nodded in agreement. Still, irene found this crazy.

"Okay...just get to work then..." she squinted her eyes. Jaemin was the first to get to the stations, followed by you who made sure to look at the orders on screen.

After a while of making coffees, teas, and such you decided it was time for a break, so you asked irene if you can just take a seat for a bit to which she said yes.

Only a few tables remained empty, you took one near a window so you could see what was happening outside. Nothing different. Some teenagers fooling around on the sidewalk, couples passing by, and people rushing to get to their jobs. Meanwhile you never noticed someone sitting in front of you until they blew into your ear.

"Ahhh, what the fuck taemin!" Frowning at the sudden intusion, taemin laughed at your shocked face and sputtered many apologies. Many of which you knew he didnt mean.

"How long have you been sitting there?" You leaned over the table asking.

Taemin naturally leaned over too, getting closer to your face, "Just got here." He smiled, "I texted you that I was coming but you never replied."

You pouted in realization that that was when jaemin decided to discard your phone on his bed and not allow you to get it back. "Sorry I was being tutored for trig."

"Its fine." He pinched your cheeks, the smile never left his face once he finally saw a shade of red on your cheeks. Moreover, the two of you kept conversing for about 5 more minutes. Taemin talked about how jimin was bored all day from not seeing you at home so he went over to comfort him. You chuckled at the thought of jimin sadly laying against his friend and playing video games, trying not to feel bored. It made you happy that you had that kind of impact on him, knowing damn well no matter how much he said he said you weren't fun, that was a lie.

"I have to go. I'll make sure to come by later." With that taemin and you stood up and gave each other a hug. What surprised you was the lips on your cheek, giving you a bunch of butterflies in your stomach. "Bye y/n." Taemin winked and walked out the cafe.

Alarmed and flustered by what happened, you steadily walked back to the counter and just stopped there.

One might consider that to be a cute thing to see in a cute little cafe but jaemin thought otherwise and he was quite literally done with this.

"Come here." Jaemin made a finger motion to you and took you to the back of the cafe, away from the bustling people. "Whats with you and that taemin dude?"

"Why do you care?" You tilted your head up at him with a smirk. If you can manage to successfully push jaemins buttons and walk away with it, this would be the best day ever.

Jaemin took your chin in his index and thumb, bringing your face closer, "I asked you a question. I expect an answer."

"I dont have to answer if I dont want to." You tried swatting his hand away from your chin but he only moved down to your neck, causing you to gasp at the sudden squeeze. Basically, jaemin was choking you out of jealousy. "H-hes just m-my friend." You stuttered as you told the truth expecting jaemin to now let go, but he only softened his grip.

"I hate him."

"You dont know him." You mocked back and jaemin lazily rolled his eyes.

"I dont care if I dont know him I hate the fact that hes with you." Jaemin growled, letting your neck go.

You took the chance to let out a laugh at his frustrated face. This was entertaining to you and for once you had the upper hand, "so youre saying you're jealous?"

Roughly, jaemin slammed your back against the building with his face only mere centimeters from yours. You could smell the scent of mint in his breath too. "Maybe I am." Jaemin pushed a knee between your legs. "Shouldnt mess with my girl. And you shouldn't have let him kiss your cheek." Jaemins lips hovered over your lips. His hands harshly gripped your hips, moving you them over his thigh. Hearing the sound of you moaning out in shock, jaemin captured your lips in a kiss, a rough one at that.

His anger was through the roof and he showed that. "Youre mine and only mine. I'm the only one who can touch you like this, kiss you like this." Jaemin kissed down your jaw, still grinding your core on his thigh. You tried silencing your whimpers by biting your hand, but jaemin was quick to stick his fingers in your mouth, causing you to gag and choke.

Without a moments hesitation, jaemin pulled away from your neck to watch you suck around his fingers and he laughed through an angry aura, "If only taemin could see how much of a slut you are for me, maybe he would back off." You whined around his fingers and he pushed deeper down your throat. Your hips stuttered a bit, but kept moving forward, trying to get more friction.

"Such a stupid little girl for nana." Jaemin ruthlessly began fucking your throat with his fingers, "Are you gonna cum out here? What if somebody walks out and sees?" Your eyes rolled back and jaemin hummed still keeping the pace with his fingers and helping you move your hips. "Aww but I bet you wouldn't care. Since your so eager to cum and all." You gripped his wrist becoming more and more desperate to reach your high. Indeed you were so close that you started seeing stars, but jaemin pulled his thigh and fingers away.

"Were you about to cum?" He laughed in your face sadisticly. Your face heated up in embarrassment. "Stupid girl."

Cooing at your red face, jaemin brought you into another kiss, much softer than before but enough to know who's in charge.

"Lets get back to work, yeah?" Jaemin tapped your cheek with his two fingers and walked away leaving you hot and bothered.

Naturally you wouldve followed but you literally almost came in your pants just outside of your work. What were you thinking letting jaemin do that to you? And why did he have such an affect on you to the point that you forgot about what happened with taemin. You couldn't stand out here any longer and went inside. Jaemin was calm as if you didn't almost just get off on his thigh and sucked his fingers off. God this boy was doing something to you and you couldn't take it!

Working next to him seemed even more difficult. You were a hot mess, plus you were horny and honestly jaemins existence wasn't helping. And now, especially now, you realized that lasting until 8:30 was going to be a train wreck.

The school day was normal, yeri was hyper as always and cracking jokes making you spit out your banana milk. And her constant teasing about jaemin was nothing different. Of course you told her what happened the other day, she's your best friend, and she was blown away. Yeri wasn't expecting such news to be dropped on her like that and you couldnt blame her, only shrugging your shoulders and sipping your banana milk.

Stopping mid sip, you saw the boy you were subtly looking for; jaemin. Your reason? Well even you didn't know but your for sure were going to come up with something.

For the past few days jaemin never left your mind. Even when you saw him he always lingered. You could say you missed him. Besides that, taemin was never on your mind anymore. Just jaemin. It was like your mind needed him.

So you got up from your seat, yeri looked up confused and watched as your legs took you to your destination. Your heart was beating rapidly and you weren't even sure how this would go. Either you'll die from embarrassment or be the happiest girl alive. It was the anticipation.

You sucked in a deep breath once you got to him, jaemin peered up at you with curiosity, some other students even found your boldness interesting, until you spoke, "Wanna go out with me?"

#nct smut #nct #nct 127 #nct dream #nct u #wayv #nct 2020 #na jaemin smut #na jaemin #jaemin #jaemin nct dream #na jaemin nct #kpop smut #kpop

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simpsiren · 4 years ago

Text

lee taeyong x reader

“my baby dont like it when you come around”

description. a new guy in college asks you for help to get rid of his girlfriend and slowly falls for you instead through your heated times with him.

genre. ANGST, college au, cheating au, bold/ arrogant reader x shy taeyong

warnings. none? except for the fact that this basically about cheating and having strong emotional tensions with each other, slighty suggestive

a/n. hihii i always thought of doing a ff about their baby dont like it song because its been in my head for so long HAHA also the lyrics are just uHem but yeah so anyways buckle up because theres going to be a lot of angst and tensionn also i didnt notice that i wrote so much like damn aNywAys enjoyy!

you walk into class lazily, expecting the same thing to happen again. as you step into the lecture hall, your eyes immediately went to your seat. you sigh and push you glasses up before walking over.

“i swear when will people stop doing this?” you mutter to yourself, shoving all the gifts off your table, making it all drop to the ground and producing a loud noise. everyone’s eyes are being drawn to your direction. you roll your eyes as mark takes his usual seat beside you.

“that’s the most you got this week.” mark laughs in disbelief, looking down onto the floor. you flash a fake smile at him, making him laugh even more. “its so annoying. none of them even look good.” your eyes scan through the gifts on the floor, seeing one that actually looks decent. you pick it up and examine it closely. mark gets near you and does the same.

“ill keep this one. looks expensive.” you shrug, shoving the expensive looking silver necklace into your bag. mark scoffs, letting his body sink into his seat. “i love the fact that you only care about the value of the gift.”

you click your tongue and stand up, proceeding to pick up all the useless gifts you received from the random guys on campus and walking over to the trash can, throwing it all away. you hear gasps and mutters around the lecture hall. you clearly couldnt care less, walking back, taking your seat and bringing out your materials.

“it cant be helped that youre the most beautiful one around here.”

“you think i dont know that? people do know that they shouldnt mess with me right? yet i need to keep up with unknown admirers and random texts of confession.” you let out a long sigh, as you rest your chin on the palm of your head, leaning onto the table.

“you admit youre beautiful. your confidence is truly amazing.” mark comments. you kept your eyes to the front as you watch your professor walk in, along with a new guy you’ve never seen before. your eyes remained on the guy, watching him climb up the stairs and walking to the seat next to you.

your attention changes to the professor as she starts talking. but your ears immediately diverted its attention to somewhere else, particularly to the guy next to you.

“why did you seat next to her? do you know how dangerous that is?” you hear the girl sitting behind him whisper. its no doubt that she purposely whispered loud enough for you to hear, wanting to make your blood boil. you ket your cool and focused on the lecture, taking notes accordingly.

“how so?”

“she’s hard to talk to. she only had mark as her friend and she gets pissed easily. her temper is the worst around here and she’s the most feared. a lot of guys like her for some reason and-”

“are you done, sweetie?” you lick your bottom lip as you turned around the face the girl. you hear mark hiding his laugh with a cough. “if you are, i really suggest you shut your mouth before i sew it shut for you.” your eyes glared at hers, staring at her intensively. you knew that it scared her when she immediately looks away. you chuckle in amusement before turning back to the front.

you look to the side, to see the guy’s eyes opened wide, with an eyebrow raised. you smile softly.

“lee taeyong.” you whisper, reading off the keychain attached to his pencil case, nodding your head before paying attention to the lecture again. the guy coughs softly and faced forward as well.

the lecture was now over and you start to pack up. you take your time since you know that it would be hectic to get through the large crowd of students who are also exiting as well as being able to avoid bumping into any guys and have them confess their useless affection towards you.

you were however intrigued to find out what’s going on outside when you hear someone whispering about the fact that there’s an extremely pretty girl waiting outside the campus.

by then, only you and mark were in the lecture hall. you figured it would be a good time to step out and find out the reason behind all the talking outside.

as you and mark walk down the hallway to the entrance, you tilt your head as you see a crowd forming at the gate. you sigh, taking off your glasses and rubbing your temples. “how the fuck are we suppose to get out?” you turn to mark with your eyebrows furrowed.

“im sure they’ll move aside once you come in.” mark places his hand on your shoulder and taps it lightly before walking forward towards the huge crowd with full confidence. you swear you can burst any minute as the the mumbles of the people fill your ears even more as you walk closer.

the moment one person makes eye contact with you. their eyes widened and signal their friends to quiet down. eventually, the noise starts to lower down as you made you way through the crowd. eyes were glued on you as you follow behind mark. you swiftly clean your glasses with the cloth in your pocket and put them back on.

as your vision starts to become clear, you notice that the one standing beside the girl is the lee taeyong guy from ealier. you walk over to them immediately.

you turn your head slightly to the back, signalling everyone to get back to what they were doing, and as always, they obey and the crowd dispersed itself. you look back to the front to where the cause of the nuisance started.

you eyed the girl intensively, looking up and down, observing every inch of her. you had to admit, she is quite the beauty. perfect wavy brown hair, almond shaped eyes, nicely drawn eyebrowa and plump pink lips. her body in the black tight fitting dress is amazing. it curved her body in all the right places.

you look up to see taeyong and the girl looking back at you with a raised brow. you faked a wide smile. “i dont think its wise to meet your boyfriend right at the gates of school.. especially when you’re this pretty. id fuck you.” you lick your lips teasingly and chuckle soon after.

“bitch the fuck?” mark whispers. you let out a loud, cunning laugh. “or perhaps...”

your eyes immediately connected with taeyong’s. you saw the fear yet a tint of interest in his eyes. you liked it. as you walk past the couple, you run your hand down taeyong’s chest. taeyong freezes as the girl’s mouth gape open, pulling taeyong away instantly with her arm around his waist. “id fuck your boyfriend.”

your head jerks toward taeyong as you whisper into his ear, but loudly enough for the girl to hear. with that, you wink at the both of them and walk off. mark smiles kindly before following behind you.

“that was... wow.” mark says to you, taking out his phone from his back pocket. you sigh, pushing your glasses up the bridge of your nose.

“honestly who is dumb enough to meet their significant other just outside campus? they should be taught a lesson. and to think that taeyong guy is new.”

“his name is taeyong?”

you nod. mark nods back in reply as the two of you walk ahead to the small secluded cafe shop nearby where the two of you would usually hang out.

“i really hope i dont see him on friday. does he look like he’s the kind to skip lecture?” you ask, taking a sip of your tea while mark drinks his coffee.

mark shrugs, laying his back against the chair. “i dont think so? he has that ‘bad boy but obedient’ vibes.” you eyebrows furrow, but you slowly nod your head as you start to understand his view of taeyong.

“well i hope he wont let his girlfriend and him cause such commotion again. it took us so long to get out.” you whine, looking at the time on your phone. “we fucking got out like 30 minutes after! you know how much i hate getting off campus late.”

mark chuckles, running his hand through his hair. “we know, sweetie. we know.”

“dont call me that i swear-”

“suckass.”

“bitch.”

the two of you laugh happily and take a sip of your drinks at the same time before discussing about today’s lecture.

friday comes and you see the gifts placed neatly on your table yet again. you roll your eyes and slouch into your seat. you are now too tired to even throw away the gifts and you give up doing so.

more people soon start to fill the seats of the lecture hall. when the professor walks in, you notice that the seat beside you is empty. you purse your lips into a thin line and shrug your shoulders, thinking that taeyong isnt going to come today.

“taeyong. its only your second day yet you’re already late.” your head lifts up from your table to see taeyong standing by the door. you rest your chin on the palm on your hand as you were intrigued by him again like the first time you saw him on wednesday. why? you dont even know yourself.

taeyong rushes in and sits down next to you. what surprised you is the fact that the same girl is standing outside. the murmurs and whispers come again. you swear you can get a headache from it.

you see her blowing a kiss to taeyong, making everyone shout and fangirl over her before she leaves and the hall is back to being silent. you turn your head to taeyong, who immediately look back at you.

“is she that crazy over you?” you ask, taking out your pen and beginning writing notes. “yeah. but i fucking hate it.” taeyong replies. you chuckle lowly as your eyes remain on the projector yet you could see taeyong blinking his eyes, as if you had an effect on him.

“she seems rich. you’re after her money, arent you?”

“it’s because i cant get away from her parents.”

“hm its also for the money. i can tell.” you look down at his outfit, a lot of it are designer and authentic clothing items. you laugh softly with amusement.

“why are people scared of you?” your eyes immediately darkens and you slowly turn your head to face taeyong, staring down at him. taeyong sucks air into his cheeks and glances somewhere else. laughing quietly at his reaction, you smile softly.

“let’s just say i have a bad reputation. yet im popular for some reason. its seriously annoying.”

taeyong looks down at the gifts that you have thrown off your table. “i can tell. you seem bold and intimidating.”

you take out your phone to scroll through your social medias in boredom. “bold and intimidating huh? you’re an interesting one. i like it.” you glance at the clock when you hear people starting to pack up. you too start to pack up as well.

taeyong is still seated on his seat, writing down the notes he missed from talking to you. you figured that he couldn’t multitask like you. before you stand up to get out of the hall you turn to taeyong. again it looked like his senses were all heightened and he’s being wary of you.

you got closer to him, faces inches apart. he didn’t move at all. his eyes still on you. you smirk softly, licking your bottom lip as you eyed him narrowly like looking at a delicious candy.

“looks like you arent intimidated by me. i like you.” you whispers softly, laughing loudly as you see mark waiting for you at the door. you quickly got up and went to mark. as the two of you exited the hall, you look back to taeyong. he’s still glued to his seat, not moving, his mouth gaping open slightly.

“oi let’s go.” you hear mark shout as you notice him already walking away. you smirk widely and follow behind mark.

“im sorry what?”

“let me cheat on her with you.”

“no.”

you glare at taeyong as you take a bite from your meal. you and taeyong are having lunch on campus together and it never fails to have eyes glued onto you whenever you’re with taeyong. you’re only option is to hang out with tayeong since mark didnt come today. you have yet to ask him why.

“come on please! if she sees me with someone like you she’ll be too scared to get near me then i can finally break up with her.” taeyong whines, grabbing your cup of iced tea and taking a sip.

“protect your reputation, taeyong. look around. you being with me is already giving people a bad impression of you.” taeyong does what you say, looking around and realising that a lot of people were staring at you two. he turns back to find you picking on your food.

“you’re the only one i know around here. itll only be until me and her break.”

you eyes trailed up from your food to meet taeyong’s. you put your fork down and sat up straight, tilting your head slightly. “what’s in it for me?” people around you know very well that wouldnt do something without getting something back in return. it didnt take taeyong long to know that due to the constant whispers about you around campus.

“ill let you have the money she gives me?” taeyong says nervously. you click your tongue. you were definitely intrigued when taeyong says the word ‘money’. taeyong smiles sheepishly as he waits for your answer.

“ill do it.” taeyong’s face lits up in an instant. you however were smiling devilishly, looking down at your prey. “get ready though. im not an easy one.”

taeyong blinks his eyes rapidly. his eyes definitely says he’s intimidated. but his body says otherwise, looking calm and composed.

“i know. itll be fun.” your eyes widen slightly as you see taeyong smirking under his soft smile. you raise your eyebrows and chuckle in amusement.

“oh im sure it will, ty.”

“you sure that’ll work?” you roll your eyes and rub your temples. you lost count of how many times you have tried to explain the plan to taeyong.

“you said she comes here to have coffee before she picks you up right? she doesnt know we ended early today so we’ll probably run into her. then i’ll just flirt with you or something. just follow my lead.” taeyong nods slowly.

you shrug your shoulders and let your body sink into the comfortable seat. you and taeyong are at a pretty high class cafe and it felt good to drink some quality tea instead of the cheap ones you have to put up with living as a broke college student.

you drink your tea as you eyed taeyong. he looks anxious, constantly looking out the window and sucking his draw despite his cup already being empty. you groan to catch taeyong’s attention. “you need to chill. have you never flirt with anyone before?” taeyong shakes his head, biting his straw. you gape your mouth and clap your hands.

“no way! you’re good looking. you cant tell me that snobby girl is the only one you ever dated.”

“she is.”

you choked on your drink, proceeding you laugh hysterically. taeyong furrows his eyebrow. “you better find a better girlfriend once you break up with her ty.” taeyong frowns, running his hand through his silk soft-looking hair. “im not interested in dating.” taeyong mumbles. you only hum in response.

looking up from taeyong, you see the girl walking down the street, about to enter the cafe. you tapped taeyong’s hand quickly, making him flinch.

“okay she’s coming, act natural. like how we are now.”

“wait what i-”

you immediately peck his lips to shut him up. taeyong widens his eyes in shock, his body completely frozen at your touch. you smirked widely as you see the girl standing outside, with her eyes filled with anger and her hand clenching into fists tightly. you chuckle in an evil manner. “her she comes.” you whisper in a sing-song tone.

taeyong looks straight at the door as she finally steps into the cafe and stomps over to your table. you smile widely, putting in your innocent act.

“who’s she, tae?” taeyong doesn’t reply, looking at you. you raise both your eyebrows and roll your eyes. slowly, your fingers crawl up to taeyong’s hand on the table, touching his fingers as you jerked your head to her.

“a friend.” taeyong replies simply.

she scoffs. you ran your hand through your hair. “and why are you guys here?”

you click your tongue and chuckle lowly. you look at her, noticing that she’s eyeing you like a prey. clearly she’s jealous right now. with her arms crossed and eyes. you knew.

“we finished quite early actually. you dont mind me hanging out with him, do you? im sure you know he’s new and im his only friend.” you say softly, turning to taeyong and biting your lip seductively. a smirk slowly creeped up taeyong’s mouth. you’re surprised that he suddenly looks confident rather than the first time you two met when he was looking all intimidated and nervous around you.

“yeah, its true.” taeyong winks playfully at you. you only hum in response before looking up to the girl. she furrows her eyebrows in anger.

“hm you wanna hang out with him, right? alright ill leave.” you stand up and shove your phone into your back pocket. as you walk past behind taeyong, you bend down beside him and got close to his ear, acting as if you were whispering something as you stared at the girl. oh the look on her face. you laugh inside your head. you stand up straight and ran your fingers seductively behind taeyong’s shoulders before exiting the cafe. you could have sworn that you heard her growling under her breathe.

“you should have seen the look on her face!” you laugh crazily, slamming your hand against your thigh and taking another sip of mark’s drink. you were too lazy to buy your own.

“man why didn’t you tell me all this before?! i would have followed you guys and watch the shit go down.” mark whines. you grin widely and shake your head.

“im so sorryy.” you take in deep breathes to calm yourself down.

“taeyong must have been surprised when he sees you go into that mode. i remember the first time you helped me get my parents to not force me to be in relationships after they knew im “dating” someone like you.” mark chuckles.

“well he was shocked at first. but he surprisingly acted well.”

mark nods his head. you sigh as you look around the campus and you see taeyong walking with his headphones on. you smile softly.

“if you’ll excuse me, ill put on my ‘cheating’ role now and go to taeyong. text me alright!” you stand up from your seat and did you signature handshake with mark before speeding over to where taeyong was.

your hand loops around his arm as you pull him close. taeyonh flinches but relaxes when he notice it’s you. “so how did she react?” you ask, walking happily.

taeyong shrugs and takes off his earpiece, unplugging it from his phone and shoving it into his tote bag. “she was definitely jealous. she gave me a lecture on how i shouldnt be with you cuz you looked like a bitch.” you gasp sarcastically, placing your hand on your chest as you gaped your mouth widely. taeyong chuckles at your reaction.

“a bitch? what about her? tsk..” you roll your eyes.

“i can safely assure you that you’re way better than her.” you laugh in response.

“of course i am.” you wink at taeyong. “also what’s her name? you never told me.”

“soyoung. oh by the way.” taeyong stops in his tracks. you stop as well and let your arm off taeyong’s. taeyong digs into his tote bag. after awhile, he pulls out money. you smile almost immediately.

“she gave it to me. in a way to bribe me not to hang out with you.” you lean forward and snatch the money away and counted it. and boy was it a lot of money.

“she’d pay this much for you to stay away from me? she really is a bitch.” you slid the money into your wallet.

“too bad though. she’ll be seeing me with you more often.” you start to walk forward, but you stop and turn your head back. taeyong was standing still and staring at you. you see him snap out of hid thoughts and shake his head before walking towards you.

“sorry about that. let’s go.” you only shrug your shoulders as the two of you walk out of campus.

“you’re meeting her this sunday?” taeyong nods. you look around taeyong’s apartment. it wasnt big, big enough for two people but he’s the only one lving here. the decor is simple and he place doesn’t look messy. you figured it suited him well.

“we’ll be together before you’re suppose to meet her and have her see us together.”

taeyong widens his eyes and tilts his head. “that’ll be intense.” you raise an eyebrow and chuckle.

“isnt that what cheating is all about, ty?” you shake your head, acting disappointed. you hear him let out a ‘tsk’. you laugh.

“all right. looks like you’re taking me out sunday night. ill dress up.”

“dont you always dress up? your outfits upstages everyone when i see you on campus.”

you peck taeyong’s cheek playfully. taeyong jumps back at your sudden move. you smiled widely.

“you know i always look good.”

you suddenly feel taeyong pulling you and placing you on his lap. you tilt your head in confusion. “what’s this?”

taeyong’s breathing slows down as his eyes glaze your face intensively, as if admiring every inch of it.

“sounds weird but i find you very fucking hot.. its irresistible.” taeyong whispers, raising his hand to twirl a section of your hair around his fingers.

“oh and please book me a grab home. im heading out now so text me aites.” you stand up from the couch and wave to taeyong before leaving his apartment and closing the door.

as you were waiting for taeyong to pick you up on his motorbike, you look down at your outfit. you’re wearing a really short grey pleated skirt with a white lace bralette and a oversized checkered blazer as an outerwear. you don’t usually wear skirts often, but you did need to play the part of being revealing so as to “attract” taeyong’s attention. you put the quotations on attract but you dont even know if taeyong would be attracted or not. you slightly hoped that he would for some reason.

you see a motorbike coming to a halt. you walk towards it as taeyong gets off. he takes off his helmet, ruffling his hair as he went to the trunk. you blink your eyes rapidly as you’ve never seen taeyong look this good. you snap out of your thoughts when taeyong passed you your helmet. the both of you wear the helmets at the same time as you give way for taeyong to get on the bike. after adjusting a little, taeyong jerks his head to gesture you to get on.

“sit properly if you dont want guys staring at your exposed thighs.” taeyong says, his voice being muffled by the shield of helmet. you pull your down your skirt slightly and rest your hand on your thighs, waiting for him to take off, but he doesn’t.

“put your hands somewhere else. it’s dangerous.”

“ouh right right..” you look at your sides to find any handles to hold onto but there weren’t any. you stare down at his back. shurgging, you wrap your arms around his waist and interlock your fingers togther. taeyong turns his head to you and looks forward before starting the mottorbike and driving. you dont even know where you’re headed but oh well.

after a drive of about 20 minutes, you finally feel the motorbike stop. you look beside you and notice there was a restaurant. a very high class one. you gap your mouth open in disbelief as you get off the bike and take off your helmet.

“you have dates to these places often?” you turn around to face taeyong who sighs and gets close to you to take your helmet, nodding slowly.

you scoff, your eyes scanning the entrance of the place up and down. you feel taeyong’s hand snake around your waist. “let’s not go inside yet.” you raise an eyebrow.

“then where are we going?”

taeyong leads you to the entrance of the restaurant, where there are benches aligned. you nod your head once taeyong take a seat on the bench and sit doen beside him.

“the place is secluded so id normally see people making out around here.” taeyong comments, glancing at his phone to check the time.

“well there’s a bar a few blocks down so i guess that’s why.” you only nod in response, looking in front as you watch the cars drive by. it made you think of one thing. “wait what does her car look like-“

taeyong swiftly wraps his arm around your waist and pull you on his lap. you blink at him as he jerks his head to the back of you. you assume that she arrived. you arch your back and let your hair flow down on one shoulder before wrapping your hands around his neck and pulling him into a deep kiss. taeyong’s grip on your waist tightens as you ran you hand through his hair and tilt your head to deepen the kiss even more. you felt taeyong’s hand roaming from your waist to your thigh, going up and down slowly.

for some reason, you were enjoying it. his lips on yours. you felt his hunger, neediness for you as he held you close as if to claim you’re his. you felt the same nonetheless. you liked it a lot. the two of you knew very well that this isnt acting anymore. it was real. the heat and needy tension. you didnt feel such a thing in a long time.

you suddenly flinch when you felt a hand on your shoulder, pushing you off taeyong’s lap. you turn around. “oh look who’s here! its soyoung.”

“the fuck did i just saw you doing with taeyong?” soyoung pushes you back further.

“i was about to have dinner with taeyong here.. but id figure it would be better to get free appetisers instead of having to pay for one.” you say confidently, brushing your thumb over you bottom lip as your eyes stared into hers.

soyoung scoffs and folds her arms. she looks down at your outfit. “you’ve been trying to seduce taeyong from the very start.” soyoung mutters under her breathe. you tilt your head as you grin widely.

“of course that’s what i’ve been doing idiot. taeyong really enjoys being with me though.” you turn your head to taeyong who was smirking widely and eyeing your outfit hungrily.

soyoung rubs her temples. with no words coming out her mouth, she turn away and walks to her car, getting into the driver’s seat and driving off. you slowly turn your head to taeyong who’s mouth is wide open. you laugh hysterically.

“oh my fucking god that was awesome!” you shout, clapping as you sit back down beside taeyong. taeyong smiles widely. “you really do have it in you.” taeyong compliments. you nudge his arm. “if you say you underestimated me i will beat you up.”

“please do. ruin me. every single moment i spend with you makes me fall and want you more. i love the dangerous side of you,”

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enchanted--realm · 4 years ago

Text

When Calls the Heart Live Ramples

Season 8 episode 9 Pre Wedding Jitters

That scene in 👏Nathan's 👏office👏 The lines they wrote for Kevin *chef's kiss* perfection. I mean, I still dont like this whole secret reveal thing. I think it's so dumb. Like, ain't no way the writers intended Nathan to have this secret when he first came to the show. I don't think he was suppose to have any secret at all. I mean, this whole, 'There's something he's not telling me' thing came out of nowhere. That aside, the love confession was great, again, and he left Elizabeth speechless again and she ran away, AGAIN. That tells me all I need to know. She cannot deny this man BECAUSE SHE LOVES HIM. And if y'all think otherwise than you're delusional.

The game at the bachelorette party. It was obvious from the promo for this episode how this would play out. She reaches for Nathan's hands and thinks he's the one. (I was predicting that she would know it was Nathan and then feel uncomfortable and move on, but that didnt happen. She thought he was Lucas *bleh. Though I was still right in thinking Nathan would be 'the one' during this little game). We like that. I really liked how the party scene lasted longer than I expected. It wasnt even too long of a scene, but it was definitely long for When Calls the Heart. This show really needs to work on it's pacing. Everything happens so fast bc they have to cut to the millions of side plots that happen in every episode. My gosh, would they give us some focus please.

When Lucas came by Elizabeth's house in the morning I enjoyed that they interacted more casually with each other it seemed, at least it did on Elizabeth's part. Just through small details like the way she was casually leaning in the doorframe or her tone of voice. She wasnt so awkwardly polite...but Lucas still was. Lucas is so polite it's uncomfortable. Like I don't feel like anybody could just be themselves around him, bc it's like every meeting has this awkward air of being polite to an acquaintance you dont know well. Ugh it's so weird. I didnt like that Elizabeth told him Nathan's reveal. I feel she should have kept that to herself. Ugh and then Lucas wanted to act all protective and 'talk' to Nathan. Oh please. That is not his place. Elizabeth is obviously the one who needs to talk with Nathan and it's no one else's business what goes in between them, besides Allie of course. And speaking of Allie, I thought her scenes were really good and thoughtful. I still think it was weird that Lucas got her a gift for her adoption ceremony, but whatever we are past that now. I like that her character is being more mature about everything too. I really hope we get a scene where Allie and Elizabeth have their own conversation though. They need it. I'm not sure how I feel about that obvious Paul (Florence's son) having a crush on Allie. It seems that the writers will want them to like each other. I guess it could be cute? It's just a little awkward bc we havent seen this Paul kid around before so it creates a weird air that the only reason he shows up now is to be a school crush for Allie. Eh. Jaeda was great though and I think she did her scenes well.

After Lucas and E talked, I think it's obvious to Lucas that Elizabeth has strong feelings for Nathan and that she's just running away from them. I mean, she told Lucas that when Nathan told her he loves her all she could do was say nothing and just leave. *holds out arms and stares with a 'well, there you have it' expression'* IT DOESNT GET ANY CLEARER THAN THAT. I wonder if the writers will make Lucas step down bc he cant be with someone who will never love him. Idk how Lucas will react honestly, Lucas's character is such a mystery to me I could never know what he would do in a situation that didnt involve setting up a perfectly romantic date or sweet talking someone with an annoyingly, unrealistic, perfectly understanding polite response.

Elizabeth was also super rude to the people she cares about in this episode. The way she talked to Rosemary. First, she didnt like hearing what Rosemary had to say, which implies that she may have been blaming Nathan for Jack's death. That is such a horrible thing to hold against someone. I mean I could understand why she would feel that way but just for a moment. I mean she should understand how completely wrong and irrational that thought process is and that she shouldnt blame Nathan. TWO, then she had the nerve to tell Rosemary something like 'why would you think that comment would help me right now'. Wow Elizabeth. Gee, maybe she's saying the truth and she's also your friend and just trying to talk things through and give her opinion as a way to help you through your difficult situation. God forbid she doesnt say the perfect thing that you needed to hear at that time, she can't read your mind. I thought that was incredibly rude. It hurt to see Rosemary hurt. And then later she told her that she should leave her house. *SCOFF* man, she was really hitting Rosemary hard this episode. If I were in Rosemary's shoes, yes I would be hurt, but I think I would mostly be understanding of what Elizabeth might be going through and not take anything personally. E's lucky that Rose is such a good friend. OH! What Rosemary told Nathan in the library! She totally implied with her little metaphor comparison that Nathan was making Elizabeth unhappy by getting in the way of true love, i.e. Lucas and Elizabeth. I-- wow! Everyone is against this man. I'm so glad that Nathan stands firm. I mean he knows that Elizabeth feels strongly for him based off her reactions to his honesty with her and how she never denies anything and just runs away. I mean, it's plain as day. Let's not forget the *speechless gaze into each other's eyes* 'I can't' from Honestly, Elizabeth.

I think that's it regarding the love triangle. I absolutely despise the Faith and Carson relationship. And I cant believe they made him say, come with me to Baltimore and we can see in a year if we want to get married. That is so dumb. He just asked Faith to drop everything and leave her life in Hope Valley for a 'I might break up with you in a year' situation. Dumb. This is definitely out of character for Carson. It's obvious the writers are just trying to get rid of him and make him not be missed by the audience. They clearly want us to favor Faith, but she couldnt be more annoying honestly. I wish she were leaving and Carson would stay in Hope Valley. But whatever.

I dont like how every side plot seems to be about some couple's budding relationship. I mean aside from the love triangle, we have Florence and Ned, Molly and Bill, Clara and Jesse (though not a budding relationship, it's still all about their relationship) and now Rachel and Christopher and oh yes also Fiona and whoever that guy is and wow I'm still missing Faith and Carson. Thats 6 other romantic relationships in the show (not including the also important one of Rosemary and Lee) and I'm probably leaving one out. Oh yes, now possibly Allie and Paul. 7. Seven relationship side plots!!! Omg I'm going crazy!! They need to learn how to write some actual plot! What happened to town problems and family drama! Thank goodness we have Henry Gowen and his son (cant believe I just complimented that out of nowhere concept but hey) and the oil thing with Lucas and Henry, barely ever a plot line. This show needs better writing. There's no glue holding the town together and even when there is, it's so small or happens so fast that it doesnt have any long lasting and meaningful affect.

If I weren't so invested in Elizabeth's plotline and in need of some wholesome tv, I would have stopped watching a long time ago. Oh and the last thing. The mention of Abigail. I'm so glad Henry mentioned her because she was very important to him and his character growth. His character arc is one of the saving graces of the show and it needs to be given more attention.

Okay in short, Elizabeth was hecka rude, Nathan is wonderful and so was that office scene. We also stan Allie. Next week's episode also looks like a dud and I dont think much will happen.

#when calls the heart live #when calls the heart season 8 #when calls the heart #wcth

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calangkoh · 4 years ago

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I think if Ed, Al and Roy of both 03 and MH met each other they wouldn't get along. MH!Ed would hate 03!Ed for killing, while 03!Ed thinks MH!Ed is naive. MH!Roy would hate that 03!Roy gave up on Hughes and his dream, while 03!Roy would think MH!Roy a monster for choosing vengeance over morals. The Al's would be better, but mh!Al would get thrown off by 03!Al's instablity and anger issues, while 03!Al would see MH!Al as babyish in the vein of Fletcher Tringham.

oh i LOVE this game. thinking about them all meeting.

i actually disagree and think theyd all be very empathetic toward each other, with some variations. i think MH characters would feel a lot of sadness for their 03 counterparts and wonder what could have pushed them.

but it comes down to interpretation and what you’re more interested in seeing, and i also am not as familiar or invested in the MH versions so i cant say how in character my interpretations are.

if anyone wants to share more ideas on this id be super interested in reading! but for now my headcanons would be:

the eds: 03 ed has a feeling of inferiority to MH ed, who is taller, stronger, more accomplished, and fulfilled. he has everything he wants. and he’s also much louder and brasher than 03 ed whose become very worn down like an old man by the ripe age of 18 and i can legit see him finding MH overwhelming. if they met when they were younger they’d be bros. they’d constantly egg each other on and be annoying to everyone else, but have a blast with each other, while also doing everything to NOT talk about the sad stuff they share in their past. they know each other and its unspoken. but at the end of their respective journeys, MH looks at 03 ed with pity, and 03 ed looks at MH ed and he decides he understands Envy and how he felt seeing his father with a happy family that didnt include him. they’d be 50% awkward silence, 10% a maybe heartfelt talk (since both eds are very capable of those when they let their guard down), and 40% just discussing their lives and finding commonalities and eventually finding something to laugh and joke about. even if its self deprecating humor. both of them admire each others dedication to their brother and recognize they both did everything they could, but had different situations where different choices had to be made. now if a YOUNGER ed met an older ed in any combo, it’d be very different.

the als: if theyre both in the armor, they'd spend some time sharing stories but mostly just sit in comfortable silence, i feel, again with an unspoken understanding of each others struggles. al is pretty quiet and rarely shares his feelings or thoughts until they’re really strong, so i think they’d just sorta coexist. now if we’re talking restored al, post series for both of them, i can see a few routes, but just to pick one, i think fmab is going to feel like a babysitter for his (physically) younger counterpart, but they both are still very kind and sweet and excited to be back in their bodies and will probably go out collecting kittens together lol. but eventually something would give way and fmab al will realize how totally messed up 03 al is from his experiences, and 03 al will have resentment toward fmab al. like something would just slip out or 03 al would do something reckless or even self-destructive that fmab al just couldnt ever see himself doing, and 03 al will project his guilt and self-hatred onto his counterpart.

the roys: now THESE guys i dont think would like each other, but theyre both mature and world-weary adults so its not like they would fight or anything. disagree and dislike each other, but never fight or argue about it. 03 roy is too sad and honestly slimy for MH roy, and MH roy is too....well like fmab ed is for 03 ed he’s just too much for 03 roy. MH is much louder and brasher and a more likable personality. also, MH roy is just...a better person kjahdgjkdgs. they’d probably get the sense of their differences right away, and decide to just go get a drink together rather than argue about them. they both were affected by the war and they miss having a drinking buddy so....yeah they’ll drink in silence, probably another unspoken thing that they’re toasting to hughes.

the eds and als swapped: if fmab ed got to hang with 03 al (and for this we’re going only with post-series, since that’s where they all differ enough from their counterparts to make for interesting dynamics), he’d sense the Off-ness right away. like yeah this is def al, but somethings definitely off under the surface. he’d go big brother mode, since 03 al is physically much younger. 03 al, who is technically the same age as everyone else, prolly isnt a fan, since he’s used to being the caretaker and voice of reason and conscience to ed, but now hes got an ed, one that isnt even his ed, trying to tell him to more careful and stuff lol. 03 ed with fmab al is a less unique dynamic. fmab al would be doing what any al always does and tries to be that caretaker/conscience and like fmab ed, would pick up on his brother’s counterpart’s Offness right away. fmab al senses this ed has issues and is on top of it trying to get him to take better care of himself. and 03 ed would just be like...eh sure. he may wonder about this version of al and if he was a good enough big brother to his own al. since fmab al seems as wholesome and pure as ever, while his al is, as one anon put it, a stepford smiler (where the wholesome and pure behavior is more of a defense mechanism to hide pain underneath)

sorry for not including winry, but it just got to be too long, and i think they’d basically just be bros anyway regardless of when in their stories theyre meeting. theyd geek out and show each other automail stuff. and complain about how stupid their eds are. instant bffs.

EDIT; ajdhjd i just wanna clarify that theres a lot of focusing on their differences to rlly emphasize the different spots they ended in (hence some dramatization), but 03 ed isnt just a depressed shut in and 03 al isnt a mess of a human reckless ed elric 2 (i feel like i accidentally imply this sometimes that he’s a totally different person when in actuality the change in als personality i often refer to would be very hard to detect) but when comparing them to their BH counterparts those differences are more clear because 03 does have them end up in much more fragile and challenging states. Overall theyd still have a lot in common (both als are genuine caring patient sweeties and both eds are heroic, bold, and extremely caring under a rough exterior) but if i just talked about their similarities then it wouldnt be an interesting dynamic to write or read about.

#ask

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mellohyi · 3 years ago

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wooowowowoo i miss summer camp so much

like this is my second year without going and as much as it sucked i loved it

there is a large rant about the place and like every single living detail i remember about it under the cut (is that the right phrase to use for this idk)

like the big field with the train tracks next to it and the beehives on one edge. i miss throwing a frisbee for my few friends there and laughing when i would get it stuck in a tree or they would throw it and it would go so far away. and i miss jumping on the trampoline and getting so pissed off (jokingly) at the dudes spending like 10 decades on it and because i was the only british person there they would be somewhat scared of me? so i would literally stare at them somewhat angrily and with my shitty latvian accent complain about how long they are taking and they would get off LMAO it only worked on the dudes younger than me but it worked... and the basketball on the small court !!! :D im not good at like,, throwing ball type games tbh? but like this court was magical because like 9/10 i would actually get it in and score a point and i loved how,, rapid (?) the games were like if you failed to get it in at a certain point you would be out and you had to get it in to stay in the game !!

and i remember the lake!!! it had a lot of those thingies.. oysters? idk i googled it and thats what they looked like. i can still remember the feeling of them and they were sharp LMAO and there was a zipline thing you could go on and it would take you to the middle of the lake and you could jump into it from there. and there was a game we played where we would be in two teams and then we would send a person down the zipline and if they fell in we would all have to do i think 10? pushups and it was fun cheering on people from the small platforms next to the zipline !! and we used to build a sorta dodgy looking sauna using some planks of wood and a big blue tarp that was held down by some rocks and we would collect sticks to make a fire with and then we would go sit in it and just talk and chill in the sauna. not everyone wanted to go, understandably considering iirc i put it off the first year i went but then tried it the next and loved it, so there was enough room for all of us to comfortable sit and even lie down on the log benches !! and we even had like,, bay leaf sticks with the leaves on it and stuff and we would dunk them into a bucket of water and then gently hit someone who was lying down as a like,,, relaxation thing? and it was so nice and it smelt SO GOOD it smelt like wood and grass and nature and it was sweet in a savoury way and i miss the smell so much just thinking about it. like you could literally smell the bay leaves because of the water evaporating after you take it out the bucket. and the hot air was so much harder to breathe when you stood up and it felt thicker and the air lower to the ground was cool so when you found it hard to breathe you would basically stick your head onto the grass to get a bit of cool and it felt so good !! and we would take breaks to drink water and pour cold water on ourselves or we would go into the lake though the last time i went a lot of the lake had dried up D: but its okay because i still have good memories with the lake when it wasnt like that. once during the sauna we went in the lake after and the sky was so clear like i could see all the stars and i could see the big dipper and it was just so beautiful. i even used the zipline to get into the lake that time as well and it was just so magical. i was kinda like,, sleepy (?) so i kinda was just not fully there so it was like so much cooler because i didnt feel real during it and it was just amazing.

omg and the activities we would do. we went on a hike in a forest and it was SO COOL like we would have to go climb up the steep hill that separated the field area and the train tracks and we would literally go onto the train tracks and at the time there wasnt any trains so we got to literally touch the tracks and we would go into the forest and IT WAS SO COOL like the light came in at a perfect angle and it was so pretty and we would pick blueberries and aaaaaaaa it was so amazing !! and we would split up and walk to an area to play some games using the trees and it was amazing. and also we would just do sports games using the field but also we went BIKING!!!! they had so many bikes for the people who didnt bring their own and we would go on the bikes and cycle to some sand dunes literally like 5 minutes away from the place and climb up them and jump and stuff and we carved tic tac toe grids into the stable parts and played and it was so fun AND I LITERALLY SAW A LIZARD CLIMB UP ONE OF THE EDGES INTO THE GRASS LMAO and we also cycled to a lake

this one to be exact!! and we would jump off from the small pier thing and swim around back to the edge and it had sand and a slide and it was generally really fun cycling to and from there. i did cause multiple crashes with the bikes while cycling there LMAO mainly because my brain just tends to blow things out of proportion for no reason and like LMAO someone would start coming a bit closer to me and i would panic and stop and then everyone behind me would then have to immediately stop and they would crash into me.. like once i got my cousin to come with me and someone looked like they were gonna go behind my cousin who was in front of me and i panicked because i didnt want to be separated from her so i just stopped because i was panicking too much and everyone behind me crashed into me LMAO and they were all like 'bruuuuh' but anyways it was really fun cycling there because i went past the place my aunt on my mums side got married + the place my uncle on my dads side got married (no they did not marry each other it was separate weddings) !! a few times i didnt go cycling because i just didnt feel good and didnt want to go but it was okay in the end because i was all alone in the cabin and i would just sleep and draw while waiting for them to come back and they would flood in cycling down the small hill that leads to the field and has the bike area and i would just see them from the porch of the cabin and it was cool :D

mMmMmmmmmMMM and the food area !! we would usually sit inside the pizzeria (because the place was also a pizzeria more on that later) and it was fun because we had breakfast, lunch, dinner + a night snack thing (its called naksniņas) and like even though im usually the pickest eater at the camp and they had to make exceptions for me because we werent allowed dessert at lunch unless we ate all our food like i still got to eat a lot lol like there was usually something i could eat even if i couldnt eat all of it and the juice was so nice and ngl i kinda liked being on the like,,, duty of having to set up before the meals + clean up after because getting all the stuff and setting it up was just so peaceful and calm and i loved it and mmmmsmsmsmsmsm it was so cool and THE NIGHT SNACK THING WAS LITERALLY THE BEST it was practically dessert for dinner but right before bed + we would do an activity after dinner before it !! i talked to my dad and figured out the spelling of the word because im not that good at latvian atm and mmmm . also like we would have tea and it was so good !! we would also have a small snack like a biscuit or cereal bar and it was so nice good way to end the day :D

i also lost an entire waterbottle there dont ask how

the cabins were nice because i usually end up on the second floor level thing of it and theres a small window on it !! and a cool ladder to get up to it though its a pain when camp first starts + when it finishes because you have to pack everything up while trying to not hit your head on any of the beams or the slant of the cabin roof and you have to haul everything up and down... other than that its so fun because theres small holes (like,,, really small. cant fit a pen down it) and when the people in the two rooms below that cabin spot are being pisstaking you can pour water down it and they shut up LMAO its really funny because they see the water dripping and get more pissed off and then become less annoying and we used to slip them notes to tell them to shut up LMAO also listened into their convos to be annoying too

anyways to finish off with my favouritest things ever about it. last day we would make pizzas and your family would be there and you could make multiple pizzas ! i usually made one for my parents / family and then one for myself and my sister because we r really picky and dont like cheese . and it was so fun and the pizzas were SO GOOD and i share the other pizza thats not mine with my family because i hate cheese and they are happy too. i also love the one evening where we cook dinner ourselves i think thats the sauna night as well but omg its so nice we have dough balls to wrap around a stick and asduidfohih its so nice omg i love them so much right because we take the stick and then toast them over a fire and when you do them right its a tiny bit doughy on the inside but a safe amount and its like,, slightly crispy in a good way on the outside so amazing and like you can put stuff in it like cheese and ketchup and stuff but i just eat mine plain and they are so good mmmamMMm and we also have watermelon iirc and it was so good overall like best evening of the camp :)

anyways i love camp and i miss it

#mellow random #nah because i miss it so much i #pleading eyes emoji #i love latvia

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keai · 4 years ago

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in the off chance that you see this...

will you let me know if you do?

my little 12 year old heart fell for you stupid fast. it was literally love at first sight and it wasnt because you were cute (bc lets face it you are good looking). looking back, its crazy how much i loved you, or thought i loved you. we didnt really know each other at all, but i was SO obsessed. i still cant explain why, but as a 20 year old i think that was the time i was beginning to show signs of anxiety/depression and honestly, needed something else to focus on. you also know i just have an addictive/obsessive personality.

i remember we talked about those stupid young times and you said you were sorry for how you treated me back then. but i have to say you never did anything explicitly wrong. i didnt know how to handle my emotions and thoughts, i mean i still dont and thats why this even exists right?

i remember crying myself to sleep over you, i remember hiding in school toilets because of you, i remember SO MUCH. i was truly in so much pain!!

it wasnt just you of course. i didnt get much sleep bc i was always talking to this other friend that i never really talked to you about. i was also really struggling with the whole popularity thing at that time, and just wanted to quit being a popular girl at school. i know that sounds dumb, but being popular really wasnt fun, at least for me. i could never say what i truly thought because i had to care for so many people. i would always accidentally exclude people if i got closer to one friend because everyone wanted to be that one close friend, and that made me feel like i had to keep a distance from everyone. i could never be sad because other people thought i had everything. and i know that sounds pathetic but those are the things 12 year old girls think about i guess. anyway back to us

i tried a lot of things to ‘get over you’. it was so fucking stupid. i wore rubber bands and snapped myself every time i thought of you. would you laugh if i said that my arms would be COMPLETELY red in an hour? i also tried to like other guys who were genuinely sweet to me, but for some reason just thought they didnt measure up to you, even though you were giving me absolutely nothing (no hate just stating facts)

but eventually i did. and i just didnt think anything of you anymore - not in a bad way, i just didnt have an opinion. we didnt interact in school, i think til h3, because of math class.

i had no fucking clue that your ex girlfriend minded me. honestly if i knew i wouldnt have sat next to you!! i thought i would be the last person she minded - after all, you broke my fucking heart without even trying, you know? if i liked you so much and still couldnt get you to like me, why would i think she would mind me? i dont know, sometimes im bad at logic i guess

anyway, i still didnt think anything of you. we had nice chats, but that was it. i think you would agree. ive actually spent a lot of time reflecting - were we flirty? did we ever cross boundaries? i remember how you told me you wanted to break up with your girlfriend. i remember thinking it was cuz of christina - it had never crossed my mind that you would like me. but it turns out it was me!?

now. this is the part that has bothered me the entire fucking time we dated again. does this mean we betrayed eliza? was she right in being mad? was this emotional cheating? i really dont know but i know now to not get involved in a relationship with someone who has just gotten out of one, because my mind will not stop thinking.

i hope you would agree that we had a good relationship. i wasnt cutting much anymore and generally gave less fucks about other people - something i have REVERSED back into now. but theres this part of me who wants to suffer. sounds dramatic but its true. if im honest, i was always torn between being a cool, chilled girlfriend and picking random fights, and making you upset on purpose. because thats what i did with MY exes and i knew doing those things would make me better feel your love. i also knew i was fucking crazy for even thinking about doing those things, but having a good relationship just wasnt...i dont know. i dont know how to receive love without it being fucked up in some way.

i would say the final 8 months of us dating was us being so careful with one another. i dont know what happened actually. maybe we just grew and changed. maybe i fucked up. i dont know. but it was fucking weird. sometimes we were fine and sometimes we werent. i really didnt know if you still loved me

coming back to taipei for the 2nd time, i got hit by this big wave of anxiety and panic about the future. something i learnt recently in school is that depression and anxiety often come back in relapses. like 70& of patients experience episodes again. of course, i chose not to open up to you. i knew you wouldnt understand. i know this is just my mind thinking stupid things, but in my brain youre perfect and never upset. you never overthink and never look back with regret on things. i guess thats the impression youve made on me since year 8. but me? i think back way too often and hurt myself. i dwell on past things, and now suddenly im dwelling on future things as well.

this is getting too annoying. long story short, i went to therapy and they referred me to a psychiatrist. i got medication. and that was still in the time we were together. i didnt tell you and im sorry about that. i dont know if im feeling better now. but i do think about how things could have been different if i wasnt me. if i wasnt so anxious and DEPRESSED would we have worked? if i wasnt so depressed in year 8, would i be different?

im not kidding when i say i dont want to be me. do you like being you? of course you do because youre you. but im me

you know that cheesy line where it goes something like ‘maybe in another universe, we would have worked out’. its fucking cheesy. but i really hope that there is another universe where hannah is different and is someone who can truly accept love from you, knows how to handle it and not let it go to waste

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grlfriends · 4 years ago

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revolutionary girl utena review

ep 1-5

the plot is actually kinda different from what I thought ?? in my mind the plot was: utena was a girl in a princess school who each and every princess would be "conquered" (for a lack of better words rn) in a ceremonial duel by a prince who fancied them, maybe she didnt wanna wanna marry anyone or she liked Anthy already but anyway in my mind utena showed up in the ceremony with duel clothing and then, in a very brave tm like-scene, she would openly declare she refused to be conquered by anyone and tbh I'm not even sure how Anthy would come into the plot... but back into what actually happened in the episodes everything so far is very introductory and just showing what mechanics will be explored further down the line I think?? the op is really good too

also every boy so far reminds me so much of knights of the zodiac?? maybe it's just the design I guess...) and nanami can get these hands, jealousy is a disease and she's the sickest person on earth for all I know

dont ask me why bit I just feel like room of mirrors - gfriend has a very well fitting vibe for it but I'm not exactly sure why hm.... 🤔🤔

ep 6-12

ok so why does this school just have random animals around 😐 I could understand the horse but a bull and a kangaroo?? what ...

touga just says the most random dramatic things and then just casually says anyone who believes in friendship is a fool ?? the guy wouldnt last a day in the naruto universe tbh, he kinda irks me in some way but I'm not sure why so I'll live with this strange feeling for a while I guess

↳ okay so watching ep 10 made me especially kinda creeped out, I know I've watched only 10 eps so far but like can he fall downstairs and break a neck or something already ...

also haha what if I watched that bet on it fmv and gave myself a bunch of spoilers would that be funny or what 😍 this is why i cant have nice things yall.... hope my memory goes to shit when sleep so I dont remember about it this week while I finish it

I feel like the main thing on the episodes are parallels, one way or another I always feel like they're setting up parallels and giving me clues for a bigger picture and a deeper plot arc that is still to come and the bet on it fmv just made this impression stronger, also I wanna say it's done in a good way, one that is both mysterious (??) and "honey you've got a big storm coming" at the same time 🤔🤔 much to think about honestly

↳ just saw ep 11 and even though I already knew this was coming sooner or later it still felt like crap seeing utena lose to dick head, at the end of the episode when he says anthy was always just reflecting utena's own wishes for himemiya (in another way bc I dont remenber the exact words) it felt like 😐 bc yes I knew that (the way she was working her thoughts was simply a copy and paste of what utena was saying) at all time I kept those essays about anthy in my head, I dont think theyll be truly relatable to what I'm seeing rn but yeah anthy rights (even though I know you betray/cheat on utena down the line bc of the bet on it fmv but I'm sure you had your own motivation)

↳ saw ep 12 bc I just couldnt handle being in a cliffhanger and yeah it happened what I absolutely thought it would lmao not that it was that difficult to foresee but yeah, I kinda liked how utena did it for her instead of being like "oh I wanna save anthy from touga" and treating her like a damsel in distress (I know that's kinda her position as the rose bride for what I've been told so far and that this is a subject spoken about in many many essays on tumblr but yeah) bc so far she's been treated as a trophy and a way to get something else, for the green haired guy it was a way to see something eternal, for miki it was a way to hold on into his "shining thing" and for touga it seems (so far) like a way to manipulate (just like he does with nanami) and just mark his position as above everyone else as he seems to view himself?? man I might be saying random stuff rn but it kinda does makes sense in my mind with the information I've had to this point

ep 13-25

honestly 😐😐 through 9 whole episodes I felt like they were trying to make the side characters deeper and show their hidden face and motivations but it felt so shallow...... not even actually shallow, just not deep enough that it would make me care about these characters and the fact there was no actual build to showing us why we're getting to know these characters backgrounds was just kinda meh too, didnt really help that all episodes had all the same formula and the same timing just for the developers made in those episodes be forgotten at the end and also just that pink haired guy could be like "ah failure again", it felt like watching the same episode over and over again, it was really tiring and like?? girl help I do not care about these characters at all, I feel like it could have been done well (like the keiko ep in comparison to the furuba chapter that deals with the yuki appreciation (??) club president graduating.... the way this ep was done and setup didn't really bring me any emotions) overall not to my taste and tbh I feel like I could have skipped all those episodes except for maybe the miki and juri one so 😑

all nanami focused episodes are the worst so far, she's so boring and I cant stand now annoying she is, the diary episode?? the cow episode?? the episode when tsuwabiki fuels with utena?? honestly I know they're trying to show me a better and different side of her but it just doesnt!! work!! bc i feel no sympathy for her, my biggest wish rn is her and touga just disappearing and no more filler episodes🗣🗣

I thought akio was utena's prince?? but apparently he's just anthy's brother and like.. I'm do done with his little talks with utena and yadda yadda, I just wanna see their duel is that too much to ask I'm dying over here (if this lenga lenga continues until ep 25 i will be so mad bc why were so many episodes wasted on such boring and and not necessary side characters backstories?? idc about them at all man aaaaaaaaaa)

↳ ep 25 was good finally we got what we deserve boys 😭😭😭😭😭 can utena just beat up akio already I'm tired of his ass, he exhales both "I'm a feminist I even take women studies classes #herstory" and "if she breathes she's a thot" energy also he has 0 style that mullet is simply horrible I bet there's a hairstylist community who considers him a criminal bc like 😐 it is simply so bad (q bit less when it's tied up but when it's all lose jesus Christ)

also touga thinks he's suuuuch a genius, sooo smart like king, I do not care about you at all can you shut the fuck up please and can we tall about the pink haired guy episode?? wack. honestly thought it would be more emotional or something, I binge watched 12 episodes with his ugly haircut face and did not even feel a thing he can choke I guess ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

ANTHY TAKING A SWORD OUT OF UTENA'S CHEST??? OSCAR WORTHY KINGS❗❗❗and then her lame ass brother being like "oh ho ho idk idk" shut up no one cares no one cares I swear to you no one cares shut uuuuup

ep 25-39

first of all, ep 25 was good but kinda reminded me of the nine episodes (13 until 21) where absolutely nothing interesting happened so I hope I'm wrong also can I just say just seeing the preview of the next episode made me roll my eyes so bad I almsot saw my brain?? bc yeah I'm fucking tired of nanami fosuced episodes she's so annoying oh my god nobody cares about a goddamn egg and much less one coming from her let her die or something pls she's so annoying there's nothing I've learned about her that was not against my own will I'm basically rotting over here 🤒

↳ ep 30 has me thinking Akio has a foot fetish or something 😐 bruh leave utena aloooooone I already know your plans and schemes you're not fooling anyone that's embarrassing for u and also... utena you're not very bright are you.... you start seeing every duelist you face with the same exact car and then when you see akio has the same car you didnt even stop to think about it that 1+1 equals 2 ... girl help yourself 😐

↳ yet again another nanami focused ep 😐😐😐😐😐 even though I do understand her better now I still don't find her particularly enjoyable to watch, call me a woman hater but like. idk she's still a bit annoying to me (but touga is straight up evil and is manipulating her so I feel bad for feeling like that tho.....)

↳ ok last 2 eps to go but listen. I thought the akio duel would have happened much sooner, maybe on ep 33 max but well didn't this age well lmao ngl, it did seem a bit too slow paced for my personal taste but also I feel like there's a certain level of drama that comes with slowing the pace down....

↳ aaaaaa yall I'm kinda 😢😭 over the ending omg........... even though it took the best of me to keep going in some parts I still enjoyed the ending aaaaa I thought i wouldnt really like it bc I just usually dont enjoy this type of ending but stil 😢😢😢😢 wait for me utena 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 girl I cried and then anthy walking in the end god utena and anthy holding hands 😭😭😭😭 akio can suck my dick

there's obviously many things I've missed or that I kinda didnt really pay attendance to so please dont take this serious, I was just writing as I watched the episodes so it's more like a thought compilation than anything, still I can see why there's many essays written about it and why it is held as a masterpiece by so many people

#g.txt

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unravelling-the-world · 4 years ago

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random thoughts related to kagepro (tw for depression?? death?? suicide ?? implied ?? im not sure and idk what else read at ur own risk)

well idk lately ive been thinking a lot and ik ive uh always (? since i can remember?) have been depressed (i mean...it started around age 12...i dont really remember much before that. most of what i remember are bad moments anyways. or very specific scenes. but they dont feel mine. if that makes sense. its like remembering the scene from a movie. back on track i guess idk well lately ive realized i actually kin some characters and lately ive...been relating a lot to shintaro kisaragi fromkagepro. i mean its ok. there´s always been that specific similarity in us (after all, how many characters in anime are as related to coca cola as shintaro //and me,,im literally a coca cola addict lmao// well anyways. after some days, this lead me to thinking...to a hidden memory within my brain, i guess. I remember introducing my then best friends, to kagepro. one told me haha he´s like u bc the coca cola!! and i think i just laughed and smiled? i truly didn´t see it? i was sad sure, but i couldnt really relate to him. after all, i was the leader of my own little group of 12 year old weebs,right? (i was also 12 btw) i didnt personally dislike shintaro but i didnt rly see myself in him yknow? also i have loved ayano from ever since i have memory so idk like she´s one of my biggest comfort characters and its weird bc if she was ´´real´´ idk if i could date her or anything but im just glad she exists bc it somehow comforts me a lot yeah anyways ayano essay for another time lol. anyways at this age my favorite characters in kagepro were ayano and konoha ( i still love them a lot) thing is, at this point in my life i didnt know/wasnt aware i was transgender but i already kinda liked he/him pronouns so i roleplayed a lot. online. i roleplayed as konoha obviously lmao and actually one of my irl friends related to shintaro ?? and i think we may have roleplayed lmao and stuff.... she even had a facebook account named shin hikkikomori or smth like that. anyways fast forward bc after being 12 a lot of stuff happened obviously. and none of that relates to kagepro until quite some time. i will mention some items that dont really relate to kagepro but marked moments in my friend group that may be relevant later on. Around 2016)? Some of my closest friends changed schools (but we kept contact) yet i still had a big group at school. But it got fragmented along the way. 2017 i went to Japan and formed a new, different friend group with people that even today, are dear to me. When i came back, my friend group fragmented more. I kept contact with other members of the old group but one on one, not as a group anymore. 2018 we graduated, and i broke up my realtionship with one of my former best friends (2016-2018) 2019 was a year of change, and even though i was afraid and shit got weird, i was not doing too bad. i will skip that. Well. Im sure we all know 2020 was a trainwreck, shit happened. i had a villain arc. I lost my shit,definetely. Ups, downs, whatever. 2021 has not been too different. However, even through everything, in early 2020, i kept close relationships with my friend group. as the year moved forward and the restrictions started lifting ( thank you government very cool <3 //ironically obviously, this is the reason this shit wont go away//) some of my friends saw each other irl and stuff, or talked about stuff i didn´t understand/didn´t want to hear while on discord. I felt alienated. I felt empty. I got mad at a friend for the first time, for something he said. I ended up isolating myself. A friend celebrated her birthday. She invited me and never excluded me, asked me a lot of things and asked to virtually include me. But that would just make me feel more alienated, wouldn´t it? I told her it was ok, i didn´t go. Honestly, I felt like a bother. I didn´t want to bother. I wasn´t okay, but i didn´t want to bother anyone, so i isolated myself. I had a very bad breakdown. lasted weeks. When I recovered, it wasn´t the same. It felt like everyone else was closer, while i drifted away. I kind of recconected with some of my friends from Japan after this. In the vacations, i felt like i reconnected with some friends just to drift away again later. However, i never could reconnect with one of my best friends. She never really got mad at me or anything ( i think) but we don´t really talk much anymore. We used to talk daily, be it actual talking, memes, anything. I don´t think we´ve actually talked in weeks. There´s nothing I can do. This year, another friend had a birthday, but I was so disconnected from everyone I didn´t even care. I mean. It´s all broken now, isn´t it? The other day I just started wondering. When did I start relating to Shintaro so much? I had always been like this, hadn´t I? Who am I, actually? Why do I relate so much now? It´s not just about the soda. I had lost friends before, but I never really felt like that. Sometimes I feel like I´ve lost everyone. In a one year span I became a hikkikomori. About a month ago, when I entered classes, I was recognized as Shintaro pfp and I admitted to kinning him to people i´d never talked to before (on chat) // I decided to go apeshit idc anymore about what anyone thinks of me// I had fun. I think I must´ve posted on my stories, because two different people told me they were the ene to my shintaro. I appreciated it. i mean it´s kinda true bc now that i´m only on the pc they do bother me online and try to get me to open up or get better but sometimes the just annoy me lmao but also not bc they all have their own particular lives and they all seem to be doing better than me. Still, my classmates are very nice and inclusive. But it´s not like im close to any of them I guess. I´m just alone now. I´m fucked up man....I don´t feel real anymore. I don´t really know who I am. I guess that´s why I find comfort in seeing a part of myself in Shintaro? But when did i turn out like this? Why didn´t I relate when I was younger? Well, I hadn´t really lost any friends back then. I now know how painful that is. How lonely it is to be alone even when there is people around. idk. and i´ve always been quiet. introverted. shy. a loser. yet now whenever i meet anyone i try to idk connect? but i cant. i wish i could be more evil. maybe it´d just be easier if everyone really, truly hated me. maybe i´d get the strength to actually kill myself then. it´s weird. i really see myself in route xx shintaro. I know that´s fucked up because I know how it ends. but truly, i was trying. I was healing, i think i was going somewhere. and i was trying to keep my newly formed renovated friend group together. I really was trying to. I didn´t mind if we had sub groups on the big group, but we were all there for each other. I tried my best. I felt like i belonged. but now im alone again. and this time there´s nothing i can do. if something, i´ve made it worse. and i keep making it worse. it´s weird. when i first got into kagepro, both shintaro and ayano felt like adults. i thought they were really, really big. im older than them now. now i know theyre not really adults. i get it. i still feel 18. after all, these last two years have been taken away from me. i didnt waste them myself this time. i feel like a rotten 18 year old...when i listen to lost time memory, i just...get it. i always liked the song. i thought the story was so cool. when it first came out.. i still remember. iwas there. i waited for it. i loved it. i still do, but back then, i just saw it all as some really great and cool song. now i feel like i really, really get it. i love it even more. im hiding away in all my memories. but what is my true heart? what do i really want? i don´t know, i don´t know... If I'm 'wise' then, I can't face forward; I have no reason to so, I'll rot away instead It would be nice if time could be turned back. Years may pass but I'll never die I repeat hopeful words to myself, even though I know I still won't be able to reach you. "It doesn't matter, just die already!" I said as I clutched my wrist, simply cursing it. Unable to do anything, I merely indulged myself in life. "If summer can show me dreams, then let's go to before you were taken away" The days where I hid my embarrassment are illuminating upon the atmosphere and burning my mind. If I'm wishing for a dream that can't come true, then I'll embrace this blurry past and have a dream which I don't wake up from and naturally seclude myself from the outside world. "But that means you can't even see tomorrow?" I don't really care 'bout that, so it's ok I stained my hands in order to kill these boring days I'm choosing "solitude" after all A rotten boy at 18 today too, prayed again while clinging on to your colored smile Underneath the blazing sun Asking "Somehow, please take me away instead of leaving like this!" and my murmuring breath was quietly stopped

I guess i just wish someone could actually help me. take me out of this hole. Maybe some kind of closure would be nice. It´s not the same, though. I don´t have enough bravery in myself to actually kill myself. Mostly because of guilt. I can´t take the guilt of dissapointing everyone. I don´t want my parents to get hurt. I don´t want my bunny to miss me. Yet i wish everyday for it to be over. Lately, half of my dreams have been in Japan, with many friends, some who i met there, some who have never been there. Yet my brain shows me the dreams before it was all taken away. I think one of my favorite parts of the day is dreaming. I like to sleep simply because I dream. And i sleep very few. mayb bc i hate myself? I still barely indulge in life. I do anything to stay distracted. If i think, it all goes to shit. it all does. like now. Heh. it´s funny. I guess no one is truly my ene, because no one actually knows how mentally fucked up i got these past months. No one knows how badly i´ve been treating myself and how badly i´ve been doing. Still, i can´t tell anyone but scream it into the tumblr void. No one has to keep up with my shit. No one has to take care of me. After all, it was I who chose solitude. It was me who kept them away. But I don´t get a second choice. I don´t get a change of routes if things go sour. And i guess I don´t get to get a mentally fucked up friend group where I belong for a second time. Once was good enough, wasn´t it? I.. Even when I wasnt as deep as i am now (again) into kagepro, ive always wanted to die on August 15. It holds meaning to me now as well. Every year I used to ask people to go out with me that day. I know im not brave enough to kill myself. I always hoped for a lil miracle i guess. Last year was the first year...I didn´t do anything. I just... I just hope this year i can make it. I hope the miracle happens this year....I can only hope......its too late for me to be saved, isn´t it? I never thought it´d be like this. I don´t get closure. I don´t get goodbyes. I am left behind on a world that keeps moving. I am nothing.

#long post #hinatalks #we live in a society #fr fr #when i die....if god is real..i´ll end this once and for all. all of it #i am left with nothing but pain and anger.... i cant even feel anymore. i think i forgot how to

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sablesides-writing-corner · 5 years ago

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The Little Mermaid With Royality?

Patton rested his fins on the rocks calmly, dragging his hand through the seaweed as he watched the sun dance in the water. His best friend in the entire ocean, Virgil, was crouched by his side, chewing on his nails.

"Virgil, if you keep knawing on those nails of yours they're going to bleed!" Patton said, batting Virgil's hand away from his mouth.

"Sorry Pat, but are you sure this is a good idea? That ship could be filled with all shirts of traps!" said Virgil, his tail flitted through the water almost enough to cause a hurricane.

Patton laughed "Of course we'll be alright! I wouldnt let anything hurt you!" he ruffled Virgil's hair. Virgil mumbled something Patton couldnt hear and they swam over to the seemingly abandoned ship.

"How could something so beautiful be dangerous?" Patton pondered aloud.

Virgil shrugged "Maybe it's the sharks, maybe the human diseases, who knows, I dont think we should be h- WHY ARE YOU SWIMMING INTO THE BOAT!-" he swam after Patton, who had already made it halfway through the ship at that point.

"Look at all of this stuff! I wonder what it all does?" said Patton, picking up a fork and poking the top of it with his fingers. Virgil sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"We should probably head back shouldn't we?" said Virgil, glancing around the ship like the walls could collapse at any moment.

"Virgil! We've barely even finished exploring!" Patton exclaimed, circling yet another table of seemingly random objects. Patton was so immersed in examining the table of objects that he didnt notice Virgil speeding past him, followed by a giant shark.

"PATTON- A LITTLE HELP HERE!" Patton jolted up from the table and swerved in Virgil's direction, letting out a shocked gasp. He swam after Virgil and pulled him through a hole in the hull of the ship, swimming around the outside until they lost the shark in an anchor.

"Virgil I'm so sorry! I couldnt see it!" Patton wrapped his friend in the tightest hug he could muster until Virgil began tapping the side of his face to get him to let go.

"Its not your fault Pat, you got overexcited," said Virgil, smiling. "Now how about we go ask Remus about the stuff we got from the ship?" Patton nodded and swam to the surface. They reached the bay area where lay a merman with green scales and a moustache.

"Well if it isnt the raccoon and the kitten!" Remus clawed his way over to the edge of the rocks and peered over the edge.

Patton lay the things he'd gathered from the ship in front of him "Can you tell me what all of these do?" he said, tilting his head to the side.

Remus examined the items, he held the fork up to his face "Well, this ones obviously for hair," he said, dragging it through Virgil's bangs. The merman batted him away, annoyed.

Remus continued explaining what he assumed the human artifacts were for, well until sunset. Patton thanked him and swam back to the castle with Virgil, where his father, Deceit, was waiting for them.

"What were you thinking! You could've been killed out there!" Deceit swam back and forth in front of his son.

"But I didn't-" Patton interjected under his breath. Deceit glared at him out of the corner of his eye. "Right, not a good time for jokes, sorry," Patton swam back a bit and looked to the side.

"I've been contemplating it for a while now, I'm quite tired of you swimming off all the time to explore human ships and talk to exiled mermaids, Logan!" Deceit called toward the back of the castle. Yet another merman joined the group, and swam directly next to Patton. "Logan's going to watch you from now on, so you dont risk getting hurt anymore," said Deceit. Patton let out an indignant gasp of protest.

Logan placed a hand on his shoulder, "Its for your own good Prince Patton, he's just doing what's best to protect you,"

"That doesnt make it any better," said Patton, swimming out of the room. Virgil and Logan followed close behind. Patton ducked into a cave and swam as fast as he could through a network of tunnels, hoping to lose the two. He reemerged in a cave covered in what most would label a hoarder's heaven, but to Patton was a museum of priceless treasures.

"I just dont understand all this nonsense about humans being bad bow could a world that makes all this cool stuff be a bad thing!" Patton said, running a hand along the side of a music box.

"Maybe because it's a society of ruthless killers bent on the destruction of all of merperson kind!"said Virgil from behind him. Patton jerked backwards a bit.

"Virgil's right, the human world is in fact an utter disaster, it's best if you stay as far away from it as possible," said Logan.

Patton turned around and averted his eyes "But they've made so many good things. . ." he said under his breath. Virgil and Logan placed a hand on each of his shoulders and pulled him into a hug.

"Good things dont always come from good people, and you dont actually know how they use this stuff as humans Pat," said Virgil. Patton pouted and swam back out of the cave. He surface once more to stare at the sky, Virgil and Logan joining him shortly after. The night sky was covered in gleaming white stars that sparkled in the water like diamonds. Patton continued swimming lazily in circles, watching the stars glimmering above him.

A sudden noise and spark of color above him alerted Patton to an approaching ship. Logan and Virgil called for him to come back to them, but he didnt listen. He swam up to the ship and latched onto a net hanging from the side, climbing up to an opening, where he watched the humans inside with interest.

They were all so different form each other, but one in particular caught his eye, a man with auburn hair and eyes like fire, the way the moonlight caught them it was like watching fireflies dance. A large shaggy dog bounded around him until it raised its snout in the air, and turned its eyes on Patton. Before he'd realized what had happened the dog raced over. Patton lost his grip on the floorboards momentarily, but was caught by the man.

Patton was to stunned to speak. He stayed there in stunned silence for eons. Someone called for the man and he ran off, Patton took the opportunity to flop back into the water.

"Patton what were you thinking!" Virgil swam up to him in a frenzy.

"Boys-" Patton sputtered. Logan facepalmed and dragged the two of them back under water. Only for a flash of light to alert them of debris falling into the water. Patton immeadietly began to panic. He swam through the sinking ship debris and located the fiery-eyed man, sinking toward the bottom of the ocean. Patton dragged him up to the shore as fast as he could, but he'd underestimated just how far such a trip would be. By the time he dragged the man up to the shore the sun was rising. Patton cupped his face in his hands.

"Come on, wake up, I know you can do it," Patton said, he let a few song notes escape his lips, the man blinked. Patton thought about staying until he'd fully woken up, but thought better of it as he realized how his father might react. So before the man could wake up, Patton dove under the water again.He swam back into his grotto, where Virgil and Logan awaited him, staring at a new addition Patton hadnt remembered bringing there. It was a statue of the sailor boy, and it looked so like him Patton half expected it to burst to life at any moment, and he halfway wished it would.

"We found this in the ship rubble, thought you might want it," Virgil smiled. Patton hugged him and swam around the statue, examining its features.

"Its so life-like," Patton said, smiling.

The euphoria was short lived, as the familiar hiss of Patton's father joined the chorus of ooo's and aah's from Patton while he traced the statue.

"Patton, what's all this," said Deceit.

Patton froze and spun around "D-Dad, how did you find me?" he said, backing up against the statue. Logan avoided looking Patton directly in the eyes. "Logan? This was all you?" Patton said, he sounded hurt.

"All this human obsession nonsense stops now, Patton, I'm tired of it." Deceit raised his the trident he always had at his side, and the room was engulfed in a flash of yellow. As the color subsided, Patton took in exactly how much damage had been done to his beloved grotto, and he began to cry. Only when the face of the once beautiful statue floated to the bottom of the chasm, did Patton swim away. He swam so fast that it felt as though he could form a whirlpool. He hid himself away and rested his head on a nearby rock, breaking into choked sobs.

"Poor thing. . ." said a girls voice.

"If only there was a way to help him. . ." said another.

"Oh wait, there is," the girls said simultaneously. Patton looked up. There were two eel-like mermaids wading in front of him.

"You really think you can help me?" Patton said, he dodnt know who these girls were, but at this point he'd do anything to get to the human world, to get to him even if it cost him dearly.

"Of course we can! We know someone very powerful!" said the girl with pink and blue hair.

"Follow us!" said the one with blonde and teal. Patton swam toward them, and followed them to what looked like the skeleton of a sea monster.

"Girls! What have you brought for me today!" a tall man swam out from behind what seemed like a cauldron, Patton noticed that he had many tentacles instead of one single tail, it reminded him a bit of what Remus always said he wished he had instead.

"They said you could- help me," Patton whispered. The man smiled and swam over to him, squinting as though Patton was some sort of insect he was planning to experiment on.

"Of course, a prince in love with a prince, I live for matchmaking games you know, one might say it's my entire purpose," said the man, there was something sinister in his eyes, but Patton took no notice of it. "Of course, love is never meant to be easy, I will need something from you," he said.

"But I have nothing to give you, all I held dear has been destroyed," said Patton. The man held a finger up and shook it.

"I'm not asking for material objects. . . What I require is. . . Your voice," Patton gasped and jolted backwards.

"But without my- how would I- he'd never be able to-" he tripped over the words as they fell out of his mouth.

"You're a cute boy! What more would you need! Humans only care about looks anyways!" said the man, examining his reflection in a nearby mirror. He turned to Patton and held his hand out. "Now, you'll only have three days to get a kiss from your prince, so make it quick, so do we have a deal?" he asked.

Patton looked around, the two mereels nodded at him. He turned back to the strange merman, and shook his hand.

"Good, now all I need you to do, is sing," said the man. Patton opened his mouth and the melody spilled out easier than a wave current. The man began to chant something, and Patton felt his voice begin to waver. His fins seized up in pain as though they were being torn apart with a knife, his lungs- when did he get lungs?- began to fill with water, he felt like he was going to die. Something seized him by the arm and dragged him up to the surface.

When Patton's eyes reopened he was met with the faces of Virgil, Logan, and Remus. He tried to ask what happened, but all that came out was a choked squeak, his voice was entirely gone.

"Alright Sunshine,let's get you some clothes before someone sees you like this," said Remus. Patton noted the glare he was getting from Logan, which suggested his first draft of the sentence was probably something different.

After hours of gathering enough ship sails and seaweed to make a serviceable outfit for Patton, his three friends disappeared back under the water. Patton heard barking and hid behind the nearest rock.

"Cmon boy! What'd you see!" the sailor ran out from behind the cliffs. Patton peaked over the rocks to look at him, only to get a face full of dog slobber and fall backwards.

The sailor helped him up "Oh dear- sorry about. . . that" he paused abruptly, clearly star struck. "May I- have your name?" Patton opened his mouth, before closing it abruptly, remembering his voice yet again. "You cant speak. . . can you," the sailor seemed distraught. "Well, I'm Roman," he said. Patton smiled. "Let's get you somewhere warm shall we?" said Roman, lifting him up and running to the palace. Patton's face flushed, Roman's chest was warm, and his home even warmer.

A man dresses primarily in black with dark sunglasses on approached the two, "Who's this you've brought with you Roman?" he said.

"He doesnt speak, or can't, rather, but he washed up on shore, he seems shaken up so I brought him inside," Roman smiled. Patton waved at the man, hoping he came off as friendly. Roman set him down, "Remy will show you to your room," he said, gesturing to the man in sunglasses. Remy held his hand out and Patton took it, allowing himself to be lead into a room full of the prettiest garments he'd ever seen.

It took him ages to pick out something to wear, but he finally decided on a light blue sundress and a hat that nearly fell over his face. He walked out of the room and back into the entrance way.

Roman's jaw dropped "Wow. . . you look brilliant," he said. He walked over to Patton and placed a hand on his cheek, Patton felt like he might melt on the spot. "I'm going to take us out into town, get to know you a little better I suppose," he said.

The town was the best experience that had happened to Patton. The colors and structures were beautiful. But the best part was carriage ride with Roman, watching the trees pass with his head resting on the prince's shoulder. He didnt want anything about it to change.

Ok, maybe he had lied about the carriage being his favorite part. They'd take a boat ride shortly after, and some familiar faces had helped set a mood for it.

"So, a little angel told me your name was- Patton, I believe?" said Roman. Patton nodded and smiled. "Well, Patton, I want to ask you something," Patton leaned forward in excitement.

Roman leaned forward, and Patton realized he was trying to kiss him. But in his excitement he didnt notice that two tails under the boat, tipping it over so he and Roman collapsed into the water.

Patton was mortified after that, he felt as though Roman would think it was all his fault, and the later morning didnt help much either. A mysterious man had shown up the previous night, the last night Patton had to get that kiss. To Patton's horror, he saw a ring on the man's finger.

Patton ran to his room, utterly distraught. He tried to cry, but no sound came out. He raced to the window and watched the love of his life leave with a stranger that he didnt even recognize, the raced to the docks to watch them leave, collapsing near the shore as tears fell from his eyes.

"Sunshine!!! Sunshine!!!" Patton looked up, the sun had started to set, he saw three familiar faces frantically swimming over to him.

"Its the sea witch!"

"He used your voice to hypnotize the prince!"

"We have to get you there before th wedding starts!"

The sentences jumbled in Patton's brain like a tornado. Remus grabbed him by the arm "Hold onto to me, I'll get you there," he said. Patton didnt argue, he obviously couldn't.

By the time they got to the ship Patton had already given up hope. But nevertheless the quartet ascended the ship. Virgil lunged at the witch with raging speed, an anger burned in his eyes that Patton had never seen before. Fear flickered in the eyes of the attending guests. The witch's eyes narrowed, he was finally distracted. Logan took the opportunity to snatch the necklace away from him. He held it to his ear and his eyes when wide, he slammed it into the ground and Patton felt a tingling sensation in his throat.

Roman whipped around just in time to hear Patton's song return to him, his eyes sparked with realization. "It was you- this whole time it was you-" he attempt to run to him, but the witch used his rapidly forming tentacles to knock him back, he grabbed Patton by the waist and disappeared under the water.

"LUCAN!" Patton heard his father call from below the surface, he had no time to wonder how he'd gotten there.

"Dee! It's been oh so long since I've seen you!" Patton was spun around to face his father, the cold metal of a knife was felt on his throat. "I expect you know why you're here now? Hm?" Patton felt tears falling down his face, his father's face had turned entirely green. He let go of the trident.

"DAD! YOU CA-" Patton felt the knife press further into his throat. Lucan took the trident in his other hand, and Patton watched his father shrink to the size of an eel.

"Poor Dee, he just loves so recklessly doesnt he, if only hed learned sooner when family matters, he could've avoided this whole thing couldnt he have?" Lucan smirked, and Patton realized that they were rising out of the water. He saw Logan and Virgil's faces in the water and tried to reach them, but Lucan had wrapped a tentacle around his entire body, he couldnt move.

"Now isnt this nice, you get to watch everyone you love die because you care more about a stupid obsession than your friends and family!" the words cut Patton worse than even the knife could have. Tears stung his face as he watched the whirlpool's forming in the water drag his friends underneath. He'd given up, resigned to whatever his fate may have been, when Lucan let out a scream. Patton fell, and was caught by someone. Roman had steered a ship into Lucan's side, causing him to drop the trident. The small snake under the water lunged for it, and Patton's father rose out of the water with a streak of lightning, which struck Lucan right as the ship landed another blow. Lucan sunk back into the ocean with a scream.

The skies cleared, and Patton raced through the water to embrace his father once again. "I'm so sorry. . . I never should have made that deal"

"Its not your fault, Pat, I should've known better," Deceit said, wiping the tears off of Patton's face. "I have a surprise for you," he said. Patton felt warmth envelop his body, his fins began to split again, but this time it felt natural.

He opened his eyes again to see a shining blue dress,and a pair of legs. He turned to Roman, he had abandoned the ship and was racing toward him. He embraced Patton and spun him in his arms. Deceit smiled, Virgil, Remus, and Logan resurfaced with broad grins on their faces as well.

"I'm glad we've both found out voices, I dont know what I would've done if I'd lost you forever," said Roman, planting a kiss on Patton's cheek. Patton rested his head on Roman's chest and listened to his heartbeat, and he sung his heart out as they stood there in the now shallow water, lost in their love for each other, reality only a distant memory.

#cori answers #little mermaid au

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the-sanders-sides · 6 years ago

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inidan american (desi) logan

a sequel to this post because people asked for more and i decided that they shall receive (and also i love writing these)

fair warning, logans a bitter kid, and this isnt as positive and happy as romans post. ive experienced two different ways of being desi, one where i lived in fully asian and indian community and didnt even think id ever feel alone, and another where i moved to a place where i havent met another desi in like 7 years of living here in a 3 hour driving radius. in romans post i played into my first experience and how at home i felt. in the second experience, the one im in right now, i am much more bitter about who i am and not really knowing anyone who gets it anymore. so i play into that A LOT in this. so keep that in mind. (and he will get happier in a future part. m planning on making this into a series)

ok so first off. his name is logan sanders. people (mostly other indians) dont believe him when he tells them. he tells them they dont know indian history. they say they do. he tells them that the british fucked around (quite literally) in india for four centuries so of course english names would stick with that precise wording

sometimes when he’s annoyed enough and doesnt want to explain this for the millionth he defends himself with this russel peters skit (watch it, it’s hilarious) because it describes his family. to a T.

he grew up in a community with not very many asians, and knew no indians outside his family so he felt a sort of disconnect to his culture

while his grandparents and parents would teach him about indian culture, he felt so distant from it since he knew no one outside his family who was indian, and since he didnt have any siblings or any nearby cousins to hang around with

he had visited india once but he was too young to remember it properly or too remember his cousins

the closest mandir was an hour away so that also limited the amount of indian kids/people he knew

he barely knew hindi because everyone in his family spoke english, especially in public

he felt guilty over the disconnect he felt and would always try to bridge it but would never accomplish this because it he kept losing passion since he rarely saw other people like him in the real world and in the media and he didnt see the point of trying

this all changed in eight grade when he moved next door to the Kumar family in a north indian street of some south asian blocks in an asian community

when his family first moved, the Kumar family invited the Sanders over to welcome them

it turns out the Kumar’s had a son who was the same age as logan

“hi logan! im rohan kumar! but i like going by roman instead of rohan!”

this introduction pissed logan off

he was seething because why would this kid who got to have an indian first AND last name change his name to an english one! why didnt he see the value of his name!

he knew right away that such a difference meant they could never be friends

“im logan sanders, but thats all youll get to know about me because i see no use associating myself with someone as... well, ignorant, as you”

roman decides to whip out one of the swears his cousins taught him and whisper shouts “who are you calling ignorant, bhenchod?”

it became clear to him that this was new turf, and people on this new turf must be speaking hindi. and that he was the ignorant one if he couldnt talk in hindi. he made a vow to learn it as fast as he could to make sure this roman kid wasnt better than him

but, logan grits his teeth and says “you, and i know it must be true because you were too dumb to understand me the first time”

this evidently struck a sore spot in roman because he didnt fight back but just stalked away. logan smiled slightly, happy to have won that argument

logan asks his grandpa to teach him hindi and his grandpa gets super excited

they start lessons immediately and despite barely hearing it growing up, it’s as if his brain was made for this because he picks the language up amazingly fast and in a months time, while not able to speak back yet, he can understand most casual conversation

his first diwali in basically little india is the most magical thing ever

diwali at his old home was very quiet because there wasnt anyone around to celebrate with

everyone is so happy in this new home however. everyone is dressed up and all the houses are lit up and there are diyas everywhere and he doesnt want to admit it but the kumar’s have the best rangoli on the street and it’s because of roman and he knows roman did it because sometimes he’d stare out of his bedroom window while doing homework and have a perfect view of roman delicately working on it for two weeks

(the kumar’s front porch had been covered with tarp waiting for diwali to make sure romans precious rangoli wasnt stepped on or ruined. when it’s finally let up, everywhere where there could be art, there is. it’s insane how good at colors roman is, logan thinks)

diwali morning:

he fights his parents because he doesnt want to miss school for diwali because americans dont have a day off for it. his parents set the clocks in the house ahead to make him think he overslept so he would skip school. (logan didnt know that his parents had submitted an excused absence form for religious reasons and that the school was very understanding. he thought it would be like his old school where he wouldnteven bother trying since he wasnt christain and the school was lkinda discriminatory)

they spend the morning in mandir and it’s nice. for once he doesnt feel different from his peers because he goes to mandir and not church or synagogue. he feels at home.

diwali afternoon:

the afternoon is spent with frantic cleaning and cooking and digging around for the diya’s that were still in boxes, packed away from when they moved

logan offered to find them all to continue with a diya science experiment he started two years prior. his theory was that the diya’s were multiplying and there were more each year despite no one buying anymore

this held true, because even though he could only find half of their diya collection, it was somehow more than the entire diya collection of two years prior.

diwali evening:

theres a big potluck and everyone in the neighborhood is out talking to each other, looking at the decorations at everyones houses, eating samosas, and playing with sparklers.

logan feels content

he makes a new resolve to learn more about hinduism. if this is what ti was supposed to be, then he never wanted to be away from hinduism.

he looked at the metaphors and symbolism in everything and finally understood what his dad meant he told logan that hinduism is just science written in poetry and that string theory is written in the ancient texts

middle school in this new town is so much better than middle school in his old home. why?

a. doesnt get bullied for being a nerd

b. doesnt get called gay slurs

c. the classes are harder

d. much less racism

e. all of the above

soon enough, logans asking his grandpa to teach him how to cook Indian food

Logan spends the day burning dosas and making lopsided rotis

(eventually he gets the hang of it, and a he'll be cooking food for an infuriating Indian boy ;) ;) psst it's roman)

Speaking of boys

Coming out isn't an option for logan

He knows that his parents arent really religious enough to really look into hinduism and see that no, gays are not bad

But they are traditional and conservative enough to be homophobic

not homophobic as in spewing hate with the westboro baptist church at a pride parade

But homophobic as in "the gays are fine as long as they don't do it in front of me" kinda thing

So Logan stays quiet

the closet kinda sucks but i mean what can he do

it’s safer inside, and he as illogical as wishing is, he wishes that people would use their brains and realize there’s nothing wrong with gay

anyway

in school logan makes his first desi friend, who was dubbed as anxiety years ago and cant seem to get rid of the nickname and now has a whole complex about his name so logan doesnt know his name

logan and anxiety meet in the school library: logan studying and anxiety hiding

people dont like anxiety

especially non-indian kids

surprise surprise it’s an old buddy called racism, but anxiety’s story is for another time

(but even though no one really likes anxiety, whenever racist shit goes down, it has to go through roman)

so logan and anxiety become fast friends

and they make fun of roman (a+ bonding)

logan claims that roman is a hypocrite for changing his name to an english one while being so immersed in indian culture

anxiety doesnt dispute this, but says he has a past with roman

a past that involved getting stuck with the name anxiety

again, another story for another time

one day, when logan and anxiety are eating lunch they see roman destroy some homophobes who throw around the word f*g and keep calling caitlyn jenner, bruce jenner

logans chest surges

he’s all like “what?? emotions?? pride at roman?? is he better than me for being so open and standing up for what he believes in??”

gay panic basically

but logan masked it well and pushed it away

the next day roman comes to school with a pride patch on his jean jacket

logan feels like he cant breathe

logan is supremely jealous of roman.

he can be gay in peace

he can pretend not to be indian in a way that benefits him

and he’s not affected by stereotypes in the same way?? like what does this kid not have

and by stereotypes i mean

roman is the complete opposite of all indian and desi stereotypes: loud, flamboyant, theatrical

logan’s personality is exactly how the stereotypes are. he’s nerdy and likes science and math and it seems like he cant escape the stereotypes. they follow him. and he feels guilty that he likes science and math and is nerdy.

as illogical as it is, he wishes he was different from how he is

but logan later learns that there are more than just his perspective on being desi and that every desi kid growing up faces challenges about it that are different than his, causing them to experience being desi differently

and logan will accept that, in another story at another time

for now, he’s just bitter. and as illogical as it is, he wishes the world was better

and now, i shall tag some people who asked to be tagged and some other desi’s who loved this because i feel like you guys might appreciate this too. also i love u. desi famders squad up.

@sssixeyedrunt @ultimate-queen-of-fandoms2 @caterpiller-tea @xxxbladeangelxxx @snufflesthegrim227 @cloudchaser7 @thelowlysatsuma

#logan sanders #logince #virgil sanders #roman sanders #desi #desi headcanons #sanders sides #mine #please love this #r #l #v

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tskumoyuuma · 5 years ago

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my roommate and I binge watched the lost village / mayoiga and we really werent prepared for that kind of ending. it was so good we didnt kno what to say when it was over. then we found out the majority of people hated the anime n wer dumbfounded. my guess is that they didnt watch it to the end / didnt get the point of it. so, in response, I just had to write a review on crunchyroll explaining exactly why people need to give the anime a chance n watch all 12 episodes. pasted under the cut cause it's a bit long :

[[MORE]]

let me preface this with the fact that my roommate and I started watching this as a joke. I had never heard of this anime before, but they had because of the stupid hippopotamus song in the first episode. we were bored and put this on because, like many reviewers on here, we expected a bloodbath. with so many characters thrown at you in the beginning, who wouldnt ? and yet, at the end of our bingewatch, my roommate and i, unlike the majority of reviewers, were dumbfounded by how satisfying and emotionally deep the ending was, how everything was wrapped up. I dont really write reviews, but seeing all the other ones, I am compelled to write this one.

now let me say that if you're also here for a bloodbath, turn away. this is not the anime for you. I feel that most of the negative reviews come from people angry that there was no extreme gore or violence. that is not the point of this anime. in fact, the point lies in the emphasis of those who lived

but before I get deeper into that, let's break down the different aspects of this anime :

animation

the general animation of this anime is average. the only thing worth noting is how the monsters are animated, at times even using real life footage if eyes to really bring out the horror and monstrosity of the things chasing this group of people. there are also some monsters that were so horrifying that I gagged a bit, so props to the animation team for that. everything else is all right; typical of a short unknown anime of this length

characters

a thing I noticed in the negative reviews for this anime is that there are too many characters who are too worthless to keep around. I, however, disagree. yes, you'll only really remember the main characters names and you will forget everyone elses, but you dont need to remember them. I was able to distinguish all important characters from each other even if I couldnt remember some names and that's what matters. people are also angry because we learn next to nothing about these side characters. this is a good thing in my opinion because with a cast this large, focusing on every character that is introduced in the first five minutes of the anime would only distract from the plot and main characters. they give you enough backstory on characters to understand them and their actions, and that's enough. and, to be clear, none of the backstory they give excuses the characters bad actions; they only serve to explain them. the anime even emphasizes that these kinds of actions are wrong. and, yes, you will get angry at peoples stupid decisions, but that's because theyr human and young and scared, of course they wouldnt make the right and sensible decisions. even I was yelling at the screen at times, but if you can get past that, then the characters are, unlike what most people say, watchable (unless of course your taste in characters is wildly different than mine, then I say to that fair enough. I still believe the anime ending is worth enduring annoying characters for either way).

pacing

I'll be the first one to admit that the pacing, especially in the first few episodes, is not good. the first episode feels rushed as heck and starting it off with a flash round of self introductions didnt help me get into it and only served to confuse me with so many names and faces. but as I've explained, you dont need to memorize everyone's name to kno who is who; you'll kno who's important enough to remember by the second or third episode. the pacing, however, (in my opinion) gets better as you go on. yes, it does bait you along for answers until the second to last and last episodes, but that's to be expected in an anime like this. they're not gonna reveal everything before its over ! and the actual reveals themselves are definitely worth the wait and mystery

plot

I'll be honest and say I didnt kno exactly what was happening for most of the anime. I had questions up the wazoo and no real answers for a long time. however, once they started getting those answers, everything began to piece together. yes, it is confusing at first, especially because they only give you a little bit at a time. however, by episode 11, a lot of things are either explained or just on the verge of being explained. the rest is wrapped up almost perfectly in the last episode, where it answers all the questions I had and also hits you with an ending so deep that my roommate and I didnt kno what to say once it was over. it presents trauma and how to deal with it in a new and refreshing light that I dont believe I've seen before, especially not in a 12 episode anime. I also feel satisfied in a way I've never been before with a 12 episode anime, with the way everything is wrapped up. for me, I dont need another episode showing what happens to the characters and how theyv chosen to deal with their respective traumas. I cant think of a better way to end the anime.

conclusion

i can say with confidence that this anime has thoroughly subverted my expectations, not by making fun of tropes in the horror anime genre and somehow making them worse, but by expanding on what horror means and how people deal with it. everyone is different and deals with trauma in their own way. there is no right way for everyone, only a right way for you.

now, I need to emphasize that in order for everything to come together, make sense, and potentially impact you the way it did for my roommate and I, you need to watch the entire thing. you cant watch the first half and call it a bad anime for not giving answers. answers will come. I can promise that. whether you can accept those answers in the end is, of course, up to you

#the lost village #mayoiga #i really got so mad reading reviews cause the point went over so many peoples heads its ridiculous #also u cant judge an anime by the first few episodes !!!!!#n u really shouldnt expect all answers given to u right away !!#Every show keeps reveals n secrets its what keeps fiction interesting n engaging !!!!#anyway pls watch this anime #cause my roommate n i feel crazy being basically the only ones who loved it

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