#they can’t be proud of how far I have come in my uni studies and all the things I have achieved

[sebastianvettelx]

It’s actually quite hurtful that my parents yell at me for eating a frozen pizza because there was food at home. It’s a pizza? It’s not the end of the world and calling that deed fucking horrible feels…. you know

[nathaslosthershit]

Long Distance (LN4)

Summary: Long distance relationships are hard, especially when they both have very time consuming careers

Warnings; Angst (a whole lot), no happy ending in this part (will happen in pt 2)

Request: hi!! requesting a lando norris x female uni!reader if possible reader being a medical student or a one of the engineers on the paddock 🧍🏻‍♀️

Lando wasn’t known for being the smartest on the grid. He, like many other drivers, had only a few years of school to his name. But that still hadn’t stopped him from being able to somehow ‘woo’ a woman quite the opposite. 

His girlfriend was currently in her last year of medical school. While he was unbelievably proud of how far she had come, the difficulties of long distance have gotten to both of them, and there wasn’t much hope once she graduated and was off to a medical training program. With her studying for finals and Lando being off to a new country every two weeks for Grand Prixs, their relationship has been rocky to say the least.

Constant lack of communication and missing each other's calls had led them to have tons of unspoken dialogue. Each unanswered call created the smallest bit of resentment that just continued to grow and grow. 

No more sweet ‘goodmorning’ or ‘goodnight’ texts, no more wishing her well before a big test, no more sending ‘good luck baby!’ before qualifying. Just a few ‘how are you doing?’ and other bland messages you’d send to a coworker, not your significant other. 

After weeks of little communication, they had finally scheduled a ‘zoom date’. Not particularly the most romantic date they had been on, but it's the best they could do with their schedules. Lando called in late at night for him while his girlfriend had a lunch break in between labs. Time zones be damned.

Lando was 25 minutes late leaving only 35 minutes to actually talk to one another.

Her wifi was spotty so it kept freezing.

Finally, with only 5 minutes left, Lando decided to make a joke that there is no reason for her to continue going to labs, as he would be happy to be her ‘sugar daddy’. This was not very well received by his girlfriend, who responded with a quick “fuck you” and hung up early.

Lando was joking, a bit. He loved his girlfriend and saw a future with her, he just couldn’t stand long distance and any job in the medical field was bound to take up most of your time. He wanted her, but he also wanted someone who could be by his side on race day. That just wasn’t something that was possibly currently. 

He supported her. He loved to brag about how smart she was and how she was so dedicated to helping people. But that came with setbacks.

After a quick message from Lando (‘I was kidding darling. You know how proud I am of you. Lighten up a little, yeah?’), which she ignored, she was off to her labs in a worse mood than before. Things couldn’t go on like this. 

He hadn’t heard from her in three days. His “how are you, love?” and “Miss you lots. Hope your class is going better than my neck training :(“ went unanswered. She knew she was being petty, but maybe a relationship was just too hard for her life currently. 

After three long and stressful days of silence, she called him. With no message asking what she needed to speak about, Lando feared he already knew.

“We can’t keep doing this” She said after they quickly exchanged a ‘hi, how are you?’ ‘I'm good, how are you?’. 

“Baby, I told you it was just a-”

“I know that Lando! It's just that this isn’t the first time you have mentioned me quitting my career to be your housewife or whatever unrealistic idea you have stuck in your head.”

“I don’t need you to be a housewife! I don’t want that for you. I just try to let you know that you don’t need to worry about your future as much because I will always be there to help you.”

“But I want a career! I want to work hard so I can have a good future. You need to get it into your head that your career isn’t the only important one.”

“I don’t think that! Me wanting to let you know that I support you no matter what isn't diminishing your career plans! It would be nice if you started to show a little more support. I am so sick and tired of all our conversations revolving around you and how your day was. If classes are rough, or you are stressed, you don’t respond to me. I never know where I land with you. But god forbid I try to mention how hard my day was. I am just as sick of it.”

She didn’t know how to respond. It seems that all the times she has been more focused on how she was feeling she completely forgot to check on how he was doing. Before she can even muster out an apology, Lando jumps back in.

“Maybe you are right. I don’t think I can do this either. Not anymore.” He feels his stomach dropping as he says the words, not fully meaning them.

There is a long silence, moments where she wants to apologize, to try and reconcile. In that moment all of the good memories of their relationship come flashing back to her, as if her mind is begging her to do something. But she doesn’t. 

“Then I guess this is it.” She finally says. 

“I guess so.”

Part 2 out now!

[pandenewie]

12 - Our Get-Along-Shirt

Prev | Masterlist | Next

“Would you stop following me? God, it’s just like when we were kids.”

Y/n simply shrugs at Heeseung's words, adjusting their bag on their shoulder as the two walk to Heeseung's next lecture.

“You’re the one who invited me to hang out with you guys.” Y/n points out, earning an eye roll from Heeseung. “You invited yourself, Y/n. Besides, I told the guys that you might be coming - that’s not confirmation.”

“It’s close enough to one. And you saw how excited they were to hear I would be there.” Y/n teases, the playful tone in their voice causing Heeseung to groan as the memory plays through his mind. “Don’t remind me. I would like to remain blissfully unaware that my entire friend group thinks my cousin is hot.”

The two walk in silence for a few more moments before Heeseung realises that Y/n will not be giving up anytime soon. "Don't you have your own classes to go to?" He asks, side-eyeing his cousin. "I only had one this morning so I have all day to annoy you." Y/n teases. 

“Can’t you just go do something else today? I’ll call you when it’s time to leave.” Heeseung attempts to persuade. “You won’t call me.” Y/n deadpans, causing Heeseung to laugh sheepishly at how easily they can read him. “Got me there.” He mumbles.

“Okay, let’s make a deal. I’ll finish up my work here while you go and wait in my apartment. I’ll have to go back there to meet the guys anyway so we won’t leave without you., I promise.” Y/n narrows their eyes as they take in Heeseung’s words, scanning his own for any signs of bluff. With no clear signs of deception, Y/n reluctantly agrees - taking the keys to Heeseung’s apartment and getting out of his hair.

Heeseung’s apartment is very… Heeseung. It’s the first time Y/n’s seen the new place and let’s just say, they were not surprised. Under-decorated, aside from a few pieces that he clearly took from his parent’s house, a shelf dedicated to his growing Lego addiction and far too many shades of blue in a single space. Nothing quite matches… but Y/n supposes that’s expected in the house of a 22-year-old man.

Y/n makes themself at home on the one couch cushion that appears to have been used (a large Heeseung-sized dent giving away his typical spot) and pulls out their phone to buy some time. Heeseung mentioned that he had classes all day today - meaning they will be here for at least a few hours before hearing anything from him.

After helping themself to the food in the kitchen (which consisted of mainly ramen, chips and coke) and playing a few rounds of whatever games they could find in Heeseung’s collection, Y/n flops back down on the couch - completely bored out of their mind. Just as they’re about to take an afternoon nap, a loud knock at the door jolts them upright.

Checking the time, Y/n’s eyebrows furrow. Heeseung’s still got uni for another hour at least and the guys aren’t supposed to be coming over until after he’s done. Another knock sounds through the apartment, followed by a loud shout:

“Open the door, dude. I need to pee!”

Y/n stifles a laugh as they walk to the door, glancing through the keyhole to make sure it is in fact Heeseung’s idiot friends before opening the door. Jake immediately rushes past them, mumbling out some form of greeting before slamming the bathroom door behind him.

“Heeseung isn’t here yet, by the way.” Y/n says as the other two friends walk into the apartment. “Why, where is he?” Sunghoon asks, his brows furrowed in confusion. “Uh… school.” Y/n states the obvious, flopping back down onto the couch. “Yeah, he’s pretty serious about his studies this year, maybe you should give it a go.” Jay laughs, nudging Sunghoon with his shoulder. “Um, no thank you. I’m a c’s get degrees kinda person.” Sunghoon boasts as if what he’s saying is an achievement of sorts. “That’s not something to be proud of.” Jake states as he walks back into the room and takes a seat next to Y/n.

“Anyway, how’s my favourite window-climber?” Jake asks, teasingly resting his arm on the back of the couch behind Y/n. “How do you even know about that? You passed out drunk on Keeho.” Y/n laughs. “Y/n, darling, basically everyone knows.” Sunghoon says, sitting on the only free cushion. “It was like the highlight of the year so far.” Jake laughs.

“So… why did you have to escape from him anyway? Did he try to make a move on you or something?” Sunghoon asks, suggestively wiggling his eyebrows. “And they had to climb out a window? Aw man, that’s tough.” Jake cackles, pointing accusingly at their other friend, who stands unimpressed by the front door.

“Knock it off, guys. You’re gonna make them uncomfortable.” Jay scowls, his words going ignored as the two continue to pester Y/n about the events. “It was nothing like that. I was just drunk and did something stupid - I’m sure you guys know what it’s like.” Y/n says, their gaze pausing on Sunghoon, causing him to scoff in offence. “Why are you looking at me like that? I’ve never done anything stupid in my life.”

The conversation quickly gets interrupted by the sound of Heeseung entering the apartment, looking around confused when he notices the group of people sitting on his couch.

“Um… hi everyone?” He says, clearly puzzled by the situation. Walking into his apartment to see his cousin and three of his best friends sitting on the couch was definitely not what he expected. “I thought you guys were coming later?” He asks. “We wanted to come and hang out early but some loser was in class.” Jake frowns. “That’s you. You’re the loser.” Sunghoon adds as if to clarify. “So you guys just broke into my house instead?” Heeseung asks. “We didn’t break in… Y/n let us in.” Jake blames, pointing at Y/n accusingly. “Not on purpose! I opened the door to tell them to fuck off but then someone ran in to use the bathroom.” Y/n argues back. “Okay, okay, it doesn’t matter. Everyone, just grab your shit and get in the car. Y/n, you’re up front.” Heeseung orders. Jake and Sunghoon burst into a fit of complaints - mainly about Heeseung’s favouritism towards Y/n - but quickly quiet down with a quick glare from Heeseung. This is going to be a long trip.

“Y/n, can you turn up the aircon?”

“Y/n, pass me the aux.”

“Y/n, could you move your seat forward? I’m kinda squished back here…”

“Y/n… could you pass me an M&M?”

Y/n is starting to regret sitting in the front seat. At this rate, they’d rather be squished in the middle than take another stupid request from one of the boys.

Jay’s been oddly quiet. Aside from the times Y/n caught him looking at them through the rearview mirror, he’s spent most of the ride staring silently out the window. Come to think of it, he didn’t say much in Heeseung’s apartment either. Is he really that suspicious of Y/n? They try to think back to the one text conversation they had but nothing seems to stand out as any clear signs for why he’d be avoiding them.

Eventually, Jake and Sunghoon doze off in the back seat - leaving just Heeseung, Jay and Y/n awake in the car. “How long do we have left to drive?” Jay asks, leaning forward to prop his arm on the back of Heeseung’s seat. “Either 20 minutes or an hour.” Heeseung replies, making Y/n’s eyebrows furrow with confusion. “How can it be 20 minutes or an hour? Do you even know where you’re going?” Y/n accuses, causing Heeseung to roll his eyes. “Of course I do. We used to go here all the time. It just depends if the main entrance is still blocked off or not.” Heeseung shrugs, his words only adding to Y/n’s confusion. “What kind of place is this?” They ask, more to themself than anyone else. “Trust us, you’ll love it.” Jay mumbles.

It’s the first thing he’s said directly to Y/n since they left Heeseung’s apartment and judging by the lowness in his volume, Y/n’s not sure if he even wanted them to hear it. They turn back to look at Jay to find that he’s already moved back to his previous position - avoiding eye contact and staring at the passing cars. Y/n glances at Heeseung to see if he’s noticing the strange behaviour but his eyes stay focused on the road. They’ll have to ask him about it later.

Heeseung is a liar. That 20 minutes to an hour quickly turned into an hour and a half. “I haven’t been here in over a year, cut me some slack!” He claimed but the others just chalked it up to him having a bad sense of direction. Finally, just as the sun was beginning to set, the car came to a stop on a gravel road.

“Okay, you guys get out and start walking towards the spot. I’ll park the car so it’s hidden in the bushes and then I’ll join you.” Heeseung instructs. “Is this place illegal or something?” Y/n asks, their eyes wide. “It might technically be private property… but the owners are super old now so they’re never up here.” Jake says, his attempt at reassuring Y/n completely missing. “It’s just better to hide the car for safety reasons, we’re not gonna get in trouble, I promise.” Heeseung says, ruffling Y/n’s hair. They look at him apprehensively before getting out of the car and following the rest of the guys down a ragged path between some of the bushes. A few moments later, Heeseung rejoins the group and they walk for a few more minutes before finally reaching a clearing.

There, in front of them, is a small waterfall flowing into a beautiful freshwater swimming hole. It’s surrounded by an array of different rocks, with one large one that appears to be carved into some sort of diving platform.

“Oh my god… this is gorgeous.” Y/n says, in awe. “Welcome to our number one drinking spot.” Jake says, holding his arms out as if giving a tour of the swimming spot. “Wait, drinking? You’re telling me you idiots mixed alcohol and water?” Y/n asks in disbelief. “It’s fine,” Sunghoon waves them off. “Jay only almost drowned like, twice.” His words earn him a shove from Jay. “Just go get changed, idiot.” He laughs.

The group all split off behind some bushes to get changed into their swimsuits. Once reunited, Jake makes the first move by running and jumping into the cool water - letting out a loud “yahoo” before he gets submerged. “Race you to the top!” Sunghoon exclaims, pointing to the diving rock. He suddenly takes off, running towards the surface with Jay following quickly behind him.

Using this as their chance, Y/n gently pulls on Heeseung’s arm to gain his attention. “Is Jay acting weird to you?” They ask, causing the man to look down at them, puzzled. “What do you mean, weird?” Y/n rolls their eyes at their cousin’s poor observation skills. “Like… he’s basically ignoring me,” They point out. “I think he’s spoken to me maybe twice tonight.” Heeseung laughs at this. “Maybe you scared him off by climbing out his window.” His words earn him a harsh slap on the chest, making him yelp in pain. “That joke’s dead, Hee. And I’m being serious, it’s like he’s completely avoiding me.” With Y/n’s words, Heeseung looks out into the pool - spotting Jake obnoxiously waving the two over. “Maybe he’s just in a shitty mood. I’m sure he’ll talk to you eventually.” He says, giving Y/n a reassuring shoulder squeeze before getting in the water. Y/n sighs, looking back up to where Jay and Sunghoon are jumping off the rocks before joining the boys in the water.

As the group continues to play in the water, Y/n can’t help the way their gaze constantly shifts to Jay. He's the whole reason they're here, after all. Despite a diving competition, a game of water volleyball and being literally sat next to each other for dinner - he has barely looked Y/n's way (aside from a few glances when he thought Y/n wasn't looking.)

Growing tired of it, Y/n takes the chance when Heeseung, Jake and Sunghoon go to start another diving battle. Just as Jay is about to follow after them, Y/n grabs his arm - stopping him in his tracks. With furrowed brows, Jay turns around to look at Y/n.

“What's up?”

It's the first words he's said directly to them all night - and he's so casual about it. Y/n feels like their head is going to explode. 

“What's up? That's the first thing you say to me after ignoring me all night?” Y/n asks. “I haven't been ignoring you, Y/n.” Jay states, simply. “Then what the hell have you been doing?” They ask, beyond confused. Just as Jay opens his mouth to respond, the sound of Jake calling out to the pair interrupts him. “I’m sorry.” Jay sighs, going to join his friends before Y/n can get another word in.

“You coming, Y/n?” Heeseung shouts. “Uh… I think I’ll just watch this one.” Y/n responds, hoping the guys can’t hear the disappointment in their voice.

Throughout the rest of the evening, Heeseung took note of the weird tension between Jay and Y/n. It was obvious that Jay was not going out of his way to talk to Y/n but now, for some reason, Y/n wasn’t trying either. He tried subtly asking how the mini-chat went when Jay, Jake and Sunghoon were arguing over whose roasted marshmallow was the best - only to be met with a small pout and shake of the head.

As everyone begins packing up their belongings and heading back to the car, an idea pops into Heeseung’s head.

“Hey, Jay. Do you mind driving back? I feel like I’m going to pass out.” Heeseung mumbles, stretching his arms above his head as a large, exaggerated yawn escapes his lips. “It’s like 8 pm. What are you, a grandpa?” Jay asks. “Hey, all that swimming took it out of me! Besides, it’s a 2-hour drive. Do you really want me falling asleep behind the wheel?” Heeseung asks.

“Yo, we can cuddle in the back!” Jake exclaims, jumping to wrap his arms around Heeseung and Sunghoon’s shoulders. “I’m taking a window seat!” Sunghoon shouts, pushing his friend off before running to one side of the car. Y/n rolls their eyes at their childishness before moving to get into the passenger seat, pausing awkwardly when their eyes meet Jay’s.

The two watch each other for a moment through the open car door. Like each of them has something to say but can’t find the words to do so.

“Well, are you getting in?” Jay asks. Y/n nods silently, sliding into the passenger seat. Their eyes catch Heeseung’s in the back, him sending a small thumbs up as encouragement, before they turn to close the door.

Merely 20 minutes into the drive, Jay checks the rearview mirror to see all three of his friends passed out in the back. Relaxing slightly at the knowledge that they are asleep, he moves his gaze in Y/n’s direction. Their body is turned away from him, arms crossed as they focus their attention out the window.

“Are you cold?” He breaks the silence. The sun has long set and Y/n’s wet hair must not be helping fight off the night’s chills. “So, we’re talking now?” Y/n scoffs. Jay sighs, reaching forward to turn up the car’s heaters before turning his attention back to the road. It’s silent for a while before Jay speaks again. 

“I’m sorry for ignoring you… I just still can’t get over what happened at my party. I know you said I shouldn’t worry but I can’t help it. It’s like I can’t get you out of my mind for some reason.”

With his confession, Jay turns his attention back to Y/n. They’re still turned away, although he can see their lips curl up into a small smirk at his words. “I don’t mean it like that.” He quickly follows up, the urgency in his voice causing Y/n to finally turn to him. “In what way do you mean it then, Jay?” They ask, voice teasing.

“I… I don't know, you're weird. I just don't get you.” Jay stammers, his odd reason causing Y/n to laugh slightly. “Well, lucky for you, you have plenty of time to figure me out.” They shrug. Jay goes to reply but is interrupted by murmuring from the backseat. He checks the rearview mirror to see Sunghoon shuffling around.

“Can you two shut the fuck up? We're trying to sleep.” He yawns, eyes still closed as he makes himself comfortable against Jake's side. “Sleep sounds good.” Y/n sighs, moving their body to face away from Jay once more. “Try not to kill us.” They mumble over their shoulder, earning an eye roll from Jay. “Yeah, whatever.” He grumbles, watching Y/n out the corner of his eye as they slowly drift off to sleep.

TAG LIST (open): @bringer-ofchaos @yenqa @fakeuwus @mrchweeee @jjongshrts @oldjws @jxp1-t3r @wildflowermooon @sunseeking-cryptid @miniature-tragedy @ashiitex @raginghellfire

[thepjofanqueen]

Gonna put my own 2 cents in here because I think it’s REALLY important especially since this is my personal situation right now.

I was born in 2001, my mother died of breast cancer in 2010 and her mother, my nana died of breast cancer in 2017, 2 weeks before the Manchester attack here in England. My older brother was in Manchester at the time and I was scared out of my mind. Not just for my family anymore but for all the vulnerable young girls that went to my highschool. That summer the school was so quiet, all the laughter and singing and…happiness. Just flushed right out. Everyone suddenly felt as awful as I did.

It really didn’t help that I was kinda herded into my first gay relationship during this period either. I’m bi, for the record so that’s been it’s own shitstorm.

It was the most toxic relationship I’ve ever been in to date, although there has been some bad shit since, I’ve gotten through it. Somehow. There was a lot of other crap that happened in 2017 that I’m not gonna go into but…please, please, don’t feel like you have to force yourself into a box just because other people say that’s where you belong.

It’s now 2023 and I’m seeing love, as a whole, from all the different places. My friends have graduated somewhat happily from university. I dropped out in 2020 and I have only just finished my first year at uni studying acting and performance. I’m in a happier place…and I’m scared out of my mind but, the support is there. I just need to go get it.

Being supported by men your entire life is scary sometimes, but you need to learn that sometimes your family and your found family are something you can’t ‘control’. You’ve got to learn how to grow alongside them and fight for them as well as yourself

You are the most important person in your life. You.

Don’t be afraid to put yourself first even if it makes you look like a shitty person

You are awesome

You are wonderful

I’m so proud of you for how far you’ve come

Tomorrow is a new day even if you feel like shit

Set goals for yourself even if it’s a couple months away

Be realistic but try your best to have fun

Survive but learn how to live your life like no one is watching.

You deserve to be happy.

You deserve to be at peace with yourself

You deserve to shine.

I love you, you’re doing great x

[bidisasterevankinard]

3 & 5 for the fic ask game!

Hi Ali 😊💙

3: Do you have any upcoming WIPs? How far along are you with them?

I have a lot of wips but the one I most excited about are in the start stage where I have only plot and some scenes, but nothing close to be good looking. and I doubt I can get them done till the end of may as I have hard uni times now. The wips are: fratboys au, one night stand for Bucktommy

5: Share a snippet that you’re proud of from an upcoming fic/chapter.

I don't have anything coming soon and I don't have time to even try tho think about writing because then i will not study hoe I should, but here is one of my fav parts of this fic

I want to dance with you tonight (and for the rest of my life)

“Ok, Jee,” Maddie kneels in front of her daughter and Buck again close to his tears just thinking how so many years ago he was walking Maddie down the aisle to the man he hated with all his gut, but wanted to believe Maddie will be happy, only to be proven wrong in the worst way possible. And now here she is with her perfect little girl getting ready to marry the man Buck absolutely trusts with not just his life, but with more importantly the lives of Maddie and Jee. Chim is perfect for his sister and he’s honored Maddie again, even though this time their dad is at the wedding, asked him to walk her down the aisle with just one phrase ‘no one else could possibly be the one who should do it except you’. “Remember how papa and I taught you how to scatter the petals down the aisle for mama?” Jee nods and Buck smiles from how adorable it is. “Good,” Maddie smiles. “You will do it while you walk with Linda to papa and I will be just behind you with uncle Buck, ok?” Jee nods again.

“Mama, you look like a princess,” Jee says, petting Maddie’s dress and Buck absolutely melts like everyone else who’s still in the room: so only him, Josh, Linda and his girls. 

“Thank you, baby,” Maddie kisses Jee’s cheek and Jee does the same. “But I’m pretty sure you look like the princess too, don’t you think so Buck?”

Jee sends her attention to him with her look that everyone calls “Uncle Buck look”, but it’s just her big brown eyes looking at him as if he’s the best person ever.

“You’re the most beautiful princess I’ve ever seen, Jee,” he kneels to kiss his niece on her cheek, loving the way she preens under his attention, “and I agree that your mama looks like a princess too. Beautiful princess,” he smiles at his sister who he sees so close to tears, and gets up to kiss her cheek, whispering so only she can hear, “I’m so proud of you, you can’t even imagine and I think I’ve never seen you so beautiful and glowing,” he hugs her to his chest carefully not to crease her dress, kissing her forehead, “I can’t wait to walk you down the aisle for the last time to your best life.”

Maddie nods on it knowing what he means but then hits his chest with playful, “stop making me cry before Chim will read his vow to me,” but after that she kisses his cheek too, whispering, “Thank you. And the second time will be golden. It already is.”

He nods with a smile, bending his arm at the elbow and letting Maddie hug his bicep with her hand. Some seconds later she laughs really loud again and now everyone looks at her strangely.

“Last time he did it, he was barely taller than me, with his biceps smaller than mine, and now he’s on the whole head bigger and his biceps the size of my head,” Maddie explains, playfully squeezing his muscles, making them all laugh now too.

Ask game

[meimae]

Language Learning Through Immersion: 2 Years Japanese Update

11/03/22

Two years of immersion! ʕ•̀ω•́ʔ✧

It’s still a bit unbelievable to me how much time and patience I’ve had with learning Japanese, but it should really come as no surprise that the days went by so fast, because the journey has been equally fun and rewarding. 

STATISTICS

Somehow, I beat my 1.5 year immersion mark by 7.77 hours and immersed for 742.39 hours for the past six months, averaging 4.12 hours a day, placing more focus on reading to improve my listening.

How I've divided my time in the past 6 months.

Finally added a Anki and Grammar tracker to show you that I really do put more focus on immersion rather than Anki. Arguably, I should really be spending the same amount of time with grammar, but intensive reading and looking up patterns monolingually is very much part of grammar study in itself, so I’m cutting myself a bit of slack. I promise myself to do better, don’t worry.

ANKI

Further breakdown of grammar and word memorizing in Anki. This does not include the time I spent just reading through grammar books in the first year of immersion, and the roughly 1.5 years I spent dawdling with N5-N4 grammar points in uni and after graduation. I finally realized that I really hated doing grammar in Anki and have stuck to reading them again and again instead. Who knows though, I’m always in the mood for them when I get frustrated, so I keep them around.

Reached a total of 12,213 vocabulary cards. Still using Auto Ease Factor and 10 480 1440 learning steps, the combination of which has allowed me to have decent retention and the ability to learn 50 new cards daily without drowning in reviews. It also significantly lowered the time I spend in Anki. 

I still enjoy mining everything useful I see - its going in my backlog if know it in my NL and English. The suspended cards here are words I can’t pass easily in the learning stage - there are words I can guess either the meaning or reading of in the first try, and only learning those words first lessens the burden of remembering two things per card. My brain only has to remember one thing at a time now and it is such a relief! When I finish my backlog eventually, I will return to all these suspended cards, which by that time would hopefully become words that I only need one thing to remember. It’s a pretty good strategy if I do say so myself.

Still lots to learn, but its getting pretty blue now!

Reading = Massive Language Learning Gains

Never in a billion years would I have thought that I could actually sit down and read in Japanese, and I’m very proud to have now read a total of 11,592,202 characters, mostly from visual novels which has absolutely been a gamechanger for language learning.

Surprise, surprise, reading boosted my comprehension so much that I can actually listen better. If you know the words, you are able to recognize them better when listening, therefore improving listening comprehension. I was never able to follow Youtube videos or podcasts very well before, but these days, I can put something in the background and still catch meaning (depends on content). Still have so much to improve on, but I’m very pleased with my progress.

Progression of Average Reading Speed

I also made some new graphs that covers my average reading speed from the time I started reading books in Japanese. These are so pleasing to look at and I’m glad I’ve made them, since I can easily see how far I’ve come. There are still genres I need more time with, but nothing a bit more reading and consistency can’t fix. I also still have to actually get into novels more, but I keep struggling finding something that keeps me interested for longer than an hour, which makes visual novels really 神 since I can read for 7+ hours and not feel bored.

I’ve also started to read out loud to practice good pitch pronunciation. Like generally outputting, its still very much a work in progress, but I’m glad to have started at the very least.

-☆-

I still stand by every resource I've ever listed on my blog, so if you ever need any specific app or tool or immersion material recommendation, I probably already have mentioned it, if not, feel free to ask and I'll be more than happy to help you get started!

Thanks so much for sticking around with me for the past year or so. Running this blog has been just as fun for me, and seeing people jump in on the immersion bandwagon because of my posts is pretty cool!

Here's to more language gains in the future! (๑•̀ㅂ•́)و✧

[lysung]

happy first times - bang chan

you and bang chan's daughter comes back home from school earlier than expected and started acting weird, as if she's hiding something.

A/N: hi hi! sorry for being so inactive, uni had me messed up the whole year :( anyways. it's been quite some time since i wrote and posted anything in here, and i haven't been practicing english often either, i'm not sure if i'm doing anything right in here but i hope it's understandable and enjoyable 😭 also, i'm not sure how things work where you live, but at the elementary school where i studied, if you weren't feeling well, felt lots of pain or anything like this, and no one were home to get you back home, someone specific would drop you home. i wrote this based on this vague memory. you can pretend this happens where you live too if it doesn't lol and a fun fact: i've been struggling trying to pay attention to stuff that i wondered if my mind was still working properly, and after watching a clip of chan talking about periods, i was more than sure it was working very well 🥴. took the chance to write this.

genre: fluff

cw: overflowing cuteness, bang chan being the best man ever you'll ba your eyes out because you still can't believe someone this precious exist.

reader's gender is neutral! your daughter can be biological or adopted if you want to, all up to you! feel comfortable <3

this wasn't proofread because it's literally 6am when i'm posting this and maybe i didn't sleep at all just to finish this, but i'll try to remember to do so later today! pls tell me if you find any mistake too <3

hope you guys enjoy it! requests are open ✨

----------------------------------------------------

[09:50]

today is a sunny, fresh and bright day. bang chan, your husband, is taking some time off after his promotions were finally over. although you still had to go to work, today's the day when you're supposed to leave earlier. today just couldn't feel any better than this.

while waiting for you, chan was watching tv until he hears a noise coming from the front door. immediately he thought you would be home, but got confused as he saw your daughter coming in by herself.

- baby? what are you doing here this early? you're supposed to be at-

- iknow, i know. one of my teachers had to leave earlier today and she left me here, because you just wouldn't pick up your phone... — she cut him off with a sad and tired gaze, and chan instantly regretted leaving his phone so far from him earlier.

- ohhhh, i'm sorry so sorry my angeeel — he hugged her while carressing her hair, and she just responded with a quiet yet lovely "it's okay, dad" — but are you okay? what happened that you had to come back home this early?

- i just... don't feel good, my stomach aches way too much... but you don't have to worry, they just- they told me to take some medicine and rest for today — she explained, her voice crackling a bit, as if she was looking for the right words and was about to cry.

chan noticed her unusual behaviour and expressions. at first, he didn't intend to tell her about it or get mad, and just decided to pay extra attention for the rest of the day. as she distanced herself from him, he notices something else - the vivid red stain on her pants, on the inner side of her legs.

reality never hit him this hard. both of you were aware she was growing up, that's just how tome works, but once again, time felt like flying. as if watching her taking her first steps, saying her first words, making her first dawings and friends... everything felt like it hadn't been this long. every moment felt like a blessing. everything gives you two a specific feeling that probably no one will ever be able to put in perfect words.

chan felt his eyes tearing up as so many memories flashed one after another, finding himself at loss of words from the insane mix of feelings.

she turned to him to ask for something, just to find him with his head down, coverig his own face with one hand, sobbing quietly. the feeling of rgret instantly filled her up, as she was still confused and scared, fearing bad things to happen. she was so afraid and ashamed that she could barely tell or show it to anyone at school. but she calms down as she hears his words noticeably filled with love:

- my baby... i love you so much. but do you know what's happening to you now? — chan got closer to his precious daughter to hold her face with his hands and stare deeply into her eyes.

- ah, n-no... it's nothing bad, right? everything is gonna be fine, right? — she asked, fear still clear on her eyes and voice.

- no, it's nothing bad. you're just growing up and this is completely normal for you. i'll grab you a cup of warm water, sit down and i'll tell you everything i know about it. but relax, you're fine, baby. — he calmed her down while trying to control his proud smile, and ended with a kiss on her forehead before leaving, taking a little longer as expected to get a bag of warm water as well.

sat down next to each other, she drank her water calmly as she listened to her dad. she always knew how understanding chan can be, but this sudden situation made every kind of thought come to her head to the point nothing from the outside world would get in or make sense to her. yet, each and every word that came out of him would tranquilize her more and more. he felt like heaven to her, and she couldn't feel any more safer and happier with her precious dad.

while she showered and changed, chan left to buy meds and chocolate, hoping it would make her feel at least a little bit better. he spent the next few hours taking care of her as much as possible - making hot chocolate for her, listening to everything she wanted to say, watching her favorite series with her, massaging her wherever it hurted, trying his best to make her feel as comfortable as possible.

- honey, i'm home! — you announced happily after a long and exausting day. work felt endless and you couldn't wait to eat a little bit and sleep a little more. you were about to say something more, until you found the loves of your life sleeping next to each other on your sofabed, a movie playing on the tv, mugs on the tables next to them - a cute, calm smile on your sleeping daughter's face.

you went to the kitchen to grab water and noticed a paper on the table, which said "don't be scared, she's growing up faster than we thought and had her period at school today. she's fine! sorry for not telling you earlier. love you!"

you watched them sleep a little bit more. it was the best view you could have - your incredible and beautiful family. the moment also made you tear up a little bit, but it didn't take long for you to hold it and lay with them. it was unfortunate that you couldn't take care of your daughter as well, but there was nothing to worry or feel upset about. you knew both you and your daughter would be safe and sound if you have bang chan - the best friend, husband, dad and person.

you two couldn't love him any more than this.

[bruhstories]

Home for the Holidays

summary: you come back home for the holidays and get a very warm welcome. pairing: stepbro!armin x female!reader warnings & content: stepcest, fingering, unprotected sex, dom!armin, sub!reader word Count: 2k-ish

a/n: umm, don't go around fucking your stepbros? i mean i can't stop you but sweet home alabama should play in your head if you do it. also sorry if this feels a bit rushed, i don't even have time to breathe | @mikasascabin @armins-futon

Pop!

Incessant, irritating sounds of gum popping, then smacking against your teeth, the annoying chewing that came out of your mouth, the infuriating tapping of your leg, the exasperating drumming of your fingers against the kitchen table — it's driving Armin insane. It's been driving Armin insane for years. And despite the fact that you're both adults now, you still can't get along. He's smart, quiet and a workaholic, you're a social butterfly who works smart, not hard.

"Armin, Y/N, you're not leaving this kitchen until you solve your conflict and apologise." His mom would say. It used to be your punishment when Armin and you were kids — and it's your punishment even know. You roll your eyes, gum popping all over your face and the tip of the nose. Armin snickers at the disgusted look on your face, mumbling a serves you right under his nose.

Sometimes you wondered if the tension between you and him was sexual. But... it couldn't be, could it? You were his damn stepsister, yet when you came back home for Thanksgiving, Armin was a whole different person. Fresh cut, a change of wardrobe, a better attitude — he was hot, no longer the nerd you used to tease. You study him from across the table after cleaning your face, lower lip between your teeth, head in your hands.

"You heard your mommy, Armin, apologise and let's get this over with."

"Me? You're the one who came home and ruined everything."

"Ruined what? A shitty dinner with a family who doesn't give a fuck about me? No, bro, I improved everything." You lean back in your chair and nonchalantly slam your feet on the table. "Not that you would know what it's like to be in my shoes, anyway."

"Your shoes? What about mine?" Armin slams his fists on the table. "At least no one expects anything from you."

"Wow, thanks." You get up and he realises just how nasty he sounded.

"Wait-"

"Fuck off." You dash past him with tears in your eyes. He was right, your father never expected anything from you, nor did your stepmother. Armin, on the other hand, was a genius, a straight A student and now he even received a scholarship from his university. Of course, people had high expectations from him and in a way, that made you jealous.

'Oh, Armin, we're so proud of you!'

'Armin, you did great!'

'Did you know Armin won an international maths competition?'

You shut the door to your room and crawl under your blanket. You always tried your best, but you could never compete with him. And your father, your ownfather, sometimes seemed to love Armin more than you. Minutes pass before you hear your stepmother rushing with your father to go visit some of your relatives and you hope Armin would go with them, but you're unlucky today. Once the car leaves the driveway, a soft knock makes you snap your neck up.

"Go away."

"Y/N, please, I didn't mean to say that."

"I don't care!" You throw a book at the door but Armin still won't budge.

"Open the damn door!"

"Why, so you can brag about how you're the perfect child?"

"So I can apologise, you... you bitch!"

Silence. Your ears ring with the word and Armin knows he fucked up big time. In a flash, the door is open and you're ready to kick him in the shin but for some reason, when you see his face, you stop.

"Apologise, then, and apologise for calling me a bitch, you little shit!"

"God, why do you hate me so much? You tormented me ever since you moved in with us!"

"Well, genius, has it ever occurred to you that maybe I never wanted this?"

"Of course it has! But you're always so cold and all I wanted was to talk to you. I don't even know your favourite colour and you're supposed to be my sister!" His voice is soft and sorrowful and you fold your arms across your chest.

"I don't want to be your sister."

"Then what do you want? You're always bitch but when I bring a girl over, you're suddenly overprotective."

"You do the exact same thing, dumbass! Every time! You act like a sad puppy but the moment you hear I'm going out with a guy you turn into some alpha male." You frown and grab the door handle. "This conversation is over."

"No, it's not." He puts his foot in the door and you narrow your eyes at his low voice and different demeanour.

"Yes, it is. Go do some studying for uni." You try to close the door but suddenly he's so much stronger. Has he been working out?

"You think this is all I do? Work and study? You think I'm some kind of teacher's pet who doesn't break rules?" You don't even realise when he's in your room, hands on your shoulders and his face so close to yours. "You think I'm an angel? A saint?" The words drip from his tongue with so much venom and your body softens. This is so unlike him but you can't help but be intrigued.

"Armin, please-"

"Oh, I'm Armin now? Not some shitty nickname? What’s the matter, can’t come up with a clever insult?" His thumb grazes over your cheek and you feel the hairs on your arms stand up. You like this side of Armin, and the fact that for three years you were his stepsister went down the drain. "I tried to be good, Y/N, I tried to be nice. But you don't like nice, do you?"

You shake your head with lidded eyes, drinking his touch, but a sharp pain from a slap wakes you up from your thoughts.

"Talk."

"N-no, I don't like nice!"

"It's unbelievable what a good girl you are when I press the right buttons."

You know it now, why you've always acted this way with Armin — you don't want him to see you as his stepsister, not even as his friend — you want to be his lover. In his ocean blue eyes, you can see that he wants the same thing — they are filled with lust and desire. You don't want to speak, afraid you might ruin this moment, but at the same time you have questions to ask and answers to get. Armin catches your mind drifting elsewhere and another slap across your already stinging cheek brings your full attention to him.

"I know what you like, Y/N. You fucked enough of my friends for me to know exactly what you want."

"Excuse me? You talk to your friends about how your sister fucks them?"

"Stepsister." He corrects you, his fingers tangled in your locks. "What would our parents say if they found out what a filthy slut you are?"

"I-" You want to say something, come up with a snarky remark, but the words die in your throat and your brain turns to mush. Armin leans closer, his hot breath tickling your ear.

"I bet I can fuck you better than any of them." He whispers and just then you feel your aching cunt begging to be filled with his cock.

"Armin..." You try again, but you still don't know if you want him to stop or carry on. It all feels so wrong but so right at the same time.

"Tell me what you want, Y/N." He nibbles on your earlobe, goosebumps dotting your skin.

"I don-" You choke on your words when you feel his hand slither under your shirt, fingers playing with your nipple.

"Come on, talk." Armin is now gently kissing the crook of your neck and your knees almost give in. Truthfully, no man ever made you feel so weak, so needy.

"Please, I want you!" You tried to whisper but it came out as a desperate cry.

"That's not good enough." He pinches your sensitive bud and you yelp, back hitting the door.

"I want you to f-fuck me, please, Armin! Fuck me good!"

"Much better." He presses his lips onto yours and he can taste the bubblegum you so annoyingly chewed when you let his tongue part open your mouth.

You don't have a clue when your clothes disappeared, scattered on the floor, along with your and his underwear, and frankly you don’t even care. Armin has you down on all fours on the mattress, two fingers pumping into your sweet cunt as you pathetically moan his name.

"Look at you! Such a filthy whore, all wet for your stepbro."

"Oh, God- want you inside-"

"I know, princess. Be patient." He curls his fingers in ways you didn't think were possible, but then you feel his tongue lazily dragging up and down your slit and you let yourself fall on the bed, face down, ass up. You had guys go down on you before, but the way Armin did it was incredible. He was meticulous, attentive, careful to let you know exactlywho owned your cunt. When he feels your thighs shake, he pulls away, earning a dissatisfied sigh of protest from you as you jolt back up.

"No, no. You're not coming yet." He yanks you by the hair, fingers gripping your chin and turning your head to the side. Armin presses his body against yours, and you feel his throbbing cock resting on your ass as he eagerly kisses you. "You taste good, don't you?"

You nod back, unable to form a coherent sentence, all you could do was push your ass against him, yearning to be filled.

"Armin, please, I need to feel you. Please!"

"Shit, I didn't think you'd be so fucking needy. Do you think you deserve it?"

"Yes, yes! I promise I'll be good from now on! Please!"

"You better keep your promise, Y/N." He growls, pushing you back on the mattress, the glistening tip of his cock positioned at your entrance. “Otherwise, I’ll have to punish you.” Inch by inch, he bottoms out and you throw your head back, spongy walls clenching around his cock. Thick and long, Armin was by far the biggest man you've been with, and you really didn't expect this. Yet when he started pounding into your cunt, you didn't regret coming home for the holidays.

"H-harder!" You beg him and you can feel his shit-eating grin burning into your back because he is the one making you feel this way, and he knows that after tonight, you'll always come crawling to him. Armin didn't waste any time, his thrusts became harsher and deeper, cock sliding in and out of you making your head fuzzy.

"You're so tight, so wet. Bet you don't get this wet for others."

"I don't! Oh, fuuuck, right there!"

Beads of sweat form on his forehead, fingers digging into your flesh as you buck your hips against his. It's been a while since he fucked you, your whimpers echoing in the bedroom, his name rolling down your tongue perfectly. You’re made for him. But all good things come to an end, and shortly you felt the need for release, thighs quaking and pleasure flushing through your entire body. Armin is close, too, but Armin also wants to humiliate you and remind you where your place is. He pulls out, cock in one hand, locks of your hair in his other.

"Promise you'll be good?"

"Promise!" You look at him with glossy eyes.

"Close your eyes." The man demands and you obey, hot strings of his seed spilling onto your face, and you lick your lips to taste him. Sinful, yet divine. Right, yet wrong. "Get yourself cleaned up."

You sit on the couch, legs on Armin's lap when your father and stepmother come back home. You can't even focus on the movie, all you can think about is your stepbrother's cock stretching you out and filling you good.

"Huh, I've never seen you two getting along this well." Your father comments. "Look at them, finally behaving like proper siblings."

"Took you long enough!" Armin's mother smiles. "What did you do?"

"We talked." Armin replies with his usual joyful voice but you know better than that. You know exactly the kind of person he is behind closed doors.

"Well, at least now we're finally a happy family." His mother pats you on the shoulder.

"Yeah," you grin, "one biiiiig, happy family."

[lucy90712]

Fabio Quartararo- Graduation

A/n: all of this is based on the Uk university system as that's what I know

The time has come where it has all gotten too much and I'm finally having a breakdown, my first final exam is tomorrow and so I've been trying to really cram in as much as possible today to make sure I'm prepared but it has done the opposite and I feel like I don't remember any of the content. Everyone told me that the time would come when it would be too much but I didn't believe them as I made it this far and have been relatively ok but now I see what all my friends have been saying because I just can't stop the tears falling down my face and the nerves for exams taking over. I tried to keep studying to try and calm myself and tell myself that I did know content because in the back of my mind I know I do but none of the notes went in and I ended up just reading the same line over and over.

My phone began to ring beside me distracting me slightly from my breakdown, I looked at my phone to see that it was Fabio FaceTiming me like he does everyday at roughly the same time so of course I picked up. I knew that when he saw my face he would be concerned so I set my phone up in a way that hid my red and puffy eyes for a moment while I got myself together. All was going well as although the tears were still flowing Fabio hadn't noticed but for a brief moment I forgot that I was trying to hide my face and looked over at my phone, Fabio was quick to notice and his face changed from his usual happy smile to a look of concern and sadness.

"Are you crying sweetheart?" Fabio asked

"Yes but I'm fine just a bit stressed for tomorrow" I replied trying my best not to worry him as he doesn't need to be thinking about me when he has racing to focus on

"You're clearly not fine love you're crying why don't you tell me about it and maybe I can help" he said in a comforting tone

"Everything has just caught up with me its too much and now I don't remember any of the content so I'm going to fail my exam" I ranted

"Don't be silly you're just tired you know everything like the back of your hand and you know you do so please take a break it will make you feel so much better" he reasoned

As much as I didn't want to stop studying I knew he was right so I put everything away and got my things ready for the morning and got in bed to talk to him. To distract me he told me about his day or just anything other than university and exams which I really appreciated although it was still in the back of my mind the whole time I definitely felt better. He knows me so well that he knew as soon as he hung up I would go back to studying or stay up all night worrying so he stayed on FaceTime with me until I fell asleep.

The morning came around and of course I was very nervous but definitely feeling a lot better thanks to Fabio's reassurance. All morning I just got myself ready but right before I felt I looked at my phone as it had been going off all morning with good luck texts from friends and family but the one from Fabio made me smile the most, he wished me good luck and told me that he would be proud no matter how it went which really made me feel better he also told me to call him as soon as I was done to tell him how it went which I made a mental note of before heading to my exam.

When I got back from my exam I was actually really happy as I felt like it went well and the questions were on my side which is something I was worried about. My mood had dramatically changed from the morning and last night to the level that when I called Fabio he questioned if I was the same person he was talking to the night before. He listened to me talk about each question and what I wrote about for ages before I let him get a word in but he didn't seem to mind which was a relief as I realised once I stopped talking that I had been rambling. The two of us talked about plans for once I finish uni for a while before he had to go and train but he promised he would call again later at his usual time to talk about the rest of our days.

~~~~~~~~~~

After the years of studying and month of exams it's finally my graduation where I officially get my degree which I'm so excited about as I have so many plans for after I graduate such as moving to Andorra to live with Fabio and starting a job out there which he helped me find by looking at advertisements of who was hiring which was a great help as it means I have a job to start right when I move. The only thing that is dampening the mood is that Fabio can't make it to the ceremony as he has other commitments, he tried his best to move them to be able to come but it's not his fault as the date for the ceremony was only decided recently and there was nothing either of us could do. He did promise that he would fly over to England as soon has he could to celebrate with me and help me pack to move later this month which I'm really looking forward to.

During the few months between finishing my exams and graduation I have been mostly living with Fabio as well as traveling to each race with him which has not only been so much fun but it has been great just spending time with him as we have been long distance for over 3 years only seeing each other a couple weeks out of the year which has been really tough. We have really been trying to make up for lost time by going on dates to all sorts of places, some normal like restaurants and little dates at home but then we did some things only Fabio could convince me to do like teaching me how to ride a motocross bike and other crazy things. That's why it was so hard leaving him last month to come back home and spend a little time with family and sort all my things out so that the stress was at a minimum when I actually move but it will be worth it when we live together and see a lot more of each other.

This morning I woke up incredibly early because I was excited and nervous for graduation which meant I had way too much time to kill before I even needed to get ready so I went for a walk around the city where I go to university for probably the last time as tomorrow I will be going back home for the rest of the time I'm in the UK. It was like a trip down memory lane seeing the buildings where I first met some of my friends and the bars I went to on nights out in and even the restaurants I went on dates to with Fabio when he came to visit me. This place holds so many memories and has been a big part of my adult life in fact all of my adult life so far has been spent living here, I didn't realise how much I would miss this place until I began to walk around but now the thought of leaving all of these memories behind hurt me a little bit. As much as it was hard I know I need to move on and plus I will make more new memories elsewhere that will be just as precious to me.

Once I made it back to my apartment it was about time for me to get ready so I found my dress which I was wearing under my gown and put it on before starting on my hair and makeup. The many years of doing all my friends hair and makeup for nights out has really paid off as I've gotten pretty good, for my hair I simply curled it into slight waves before pulling half of it back into a lose ponytail which I them flipped though itself to create a pretty twist in the back of my head. With a bit of neatening up my hair was done and it was just my makeup left to do, I wanted  my makeup to be simple so I went natural and just put a bit of brown eyeshadow through my crease and a slight shimmer on my lid which was just enough to make my eyes pop but not enough to be too much.

With that I was ready and decided to leave right away because my friends said they were ready too and we all decided to meet to talk for a bit, we all discussed our plans for after graduation and the future and we are all going down such different paths which is so weird to think about seeing as we all did the same degree. We all talked until it was time for the ceremony to start and we all helped each other with our gowns and caps before taking our seats at the front of the hall and holding each other's hands to help the nerves.

Fabio's POV

Sitting down in the hall that y/n's graduation is being held in has me feeling so many things like excitement to see her get her degree and to surprise her afterwards as she has no idea that I'm going to be here but also nervous as she has been putting a lot of pressure on herself to do the best as possible and if she doesn't achieve that I don't want to see her upset when she should be proud of herself no matter what. Her family was there too and we all shared the same emotion but we all talked to each other quietly to calm the nerves and to catch up as I haven't seen them in a while. For a while I wasn't sure if y/n's family liked me at all because we spend so much time apart that I thought they may believe that I don't like her enough to want to spend time with her or that I would be cheating on her while away but in reality we get along really well and from what I can tell they don't think about any of that which is a relief. Having a good relationship with her family was something I really wanted to have especially as I don't see them often. The need for a good relationship only increased when I asked her to move in with me as I wanted them to trust me to take care of her and be there for her which I was always going to be but I know that it will be hard for them to let her move to another country so if it can be made any easier by having a level of trust I was going to try my hardest to do that.

Soon enough the ceremony began and everyone fell silent as the head of the university began to give a speech which was very long and by the end everyone seemed at least a little bored by it but then it began to get more interesting as they started to announce names and give each person their degree. That was when the nerves began to kick in as y/n had no idea what classification she had got on her degree which almost the equivalent of the grade and she has been telling me that she was aiming for a certain level which was one below the best and I so desperately want her to achieve it or I know she'll be so disappointed. I listened to each name be called waiting for it to me y/n's turn and finally it was, they announced her name before saying that she had got a 1st which was the best you can get. In that moment I almost cried watching her get that degree because I was so proud of  her and that incredible achievement that I know she has been working so hard for plus seeing the huge smile on her face as she walked across the stage just melted my heart.

The rest of the ceremony went on for a bit longer before everyone was allowed outside to greet whoever they were here for and they all seemed happy but in comparison I was bouncing off the wall because I just want to see her and be able to experience the best Monet in her life with her like she wanted me to be able to do. It seemed they everyone else was leaving before her but eventually I saw her coming and took that as my chance to move away from the rest of her family to add the extra element of surprise.

Your POV

Once out of the ceremony I was on cloud 9 because I got the best degree I possibly could which was better than my expectation but that wasn't only reason why I was excited I was also super excited to see my family and celebrate with them as I know they will be over the moon with my achievement. I saw them all standing waiting for me outside so of course I ran over as quick as I could in heels just to be enveloped in a big hug and have everyone say how proud they were which was really nice to hear. We talked for a few moments before I felt someone tap my shoulder which I assumed would be one of my friends but when I turned around I didn't at all expect to see Fabio stood behind me. I was in such shock that he was actually stood there because he had told me there was no way he could make it and yet here he was with a big smile on his face.

It took me a moment before realising that he was actually really there but when I did I jumped straight into his arms and luckily he caught me and held on really tight for a good few moments before putting me down and kissing me sweetly. He pulled away slightly and kissed my nose too before fully pulling away and grabbed my hand so that we could go back to my family. When he didn't greet any of them I got confused before realising that they knew this was happening and no one gave it away which left me rather impressed as there has been times that someone had ruined a surprise because they didn't know but this time everyone kept it all together.

"How come you're here anyway I thought you had important team things to do" I questioned

"I may have lied a little bit I did have stuff to do but it wasn't that important so I cancelled it to come here because you're more important to me" he explained

"Aww that's so sweet of you thank you love but if you ever have important work things to do I wouldn't mind" I replied

"Don't be silly you're much more fun than work things so any chance to get out of them to spend time with you I'll take" he joked

I laughed at him and hit his arm gently as my way of telling him that he shouldn't use me to get out of work commitments even though I found it sweet that he would do that to spend time with me. We all had a conversation together outside for a bit longer before I was made to pose for pictures which I did on my own for a moment before my parents wanted a few with me and then they wanted some of Fabio with us and the more of the two of us by ourselves which I can't wait to look at later as me and Fabio don't have that many pictures together or at least proper pictures.

When the impromptu photoshoot was finally over I was informed that we were all going to dinner to celebrate in just over an hour which meant I needed to change. Seeing as Fabio was here I decided to bring him with me to be able to spend a bit of time with him alone and it means I can use him to pick an outfit for me as he has a much better fashion sense than me. We walked hand in hand back to my apartment and right away Fabio went to my wardrobe and picked out some jeans and a cute top for me to wear so I changed quickly in the bathroom which left us with a bit of free time before we needed to leave again. To kill some time we walked around my apartment and talked about the things I was going to bring with me as well as packing a few things into the boxes I had brought the other day. Actually putting my things in boxes made it feel a lot more real that I was actually going to be leaving England where I have lived all my life but I'm so excited for the next chapter of my life to start.

Just as we were about to leave for dinner Fabio made me sit down and close my eyes until he had put something in my hands before allowing me to open my eyes again, he had placed two little boxes in my hands and was looking at me with a bright smile on his face which had me slightly worried as sometimes when he smiles like that he is being cheeky and trying to trick me. He told me to open the slightly bigger of the two boxes so I followed his instructions and took the lid off to reveal a little bracelet with a tiny little graduation cap charm on it as well as another charm with my birth stone in the middle of a heart, he took the bracelet and put it on for me allowing me to admire it better and thank him. The second box was then thrust into my hands so I opened it and a key fell out into my lap which I picked up and studied a little confused as I already have a key to Fabio's place that he gave me when I was there over the summer so I could come and go while he was out.

"What is this?" I asked

"It's the key to our new place" he said

"That explains nothing I already have a key to your place" I said still confused

"No silly I brought a new house for the both of us to move into when you come over so it's new to both of us and that's your key" he explained

"You're kidding Fabio you didn't have to do that you have to let me give you some money towards it" I said

"There's no need for that love I wanted to do this you owe me nothing just having you move in is enough" he said

I leant forward to give him a hug because I couldn't think of any words to say and even when I did they just came out as stutters, he laughed at me but hugged me back anyway and kissed the top of my head. While we were sat there I went and got my keys and took off my apartment key as I won't need it for much longer and replaced it with the new key which I held in my hand with a smile on my face. Fabio told me that he put my name on all the documents too and all I had to do to make it official that it was our house was sign them when I get there which made it even more exciting because it will be the first property I own as my apartment is rented and it will be with the best guy in the world.

We sat around for a bit longer talking about things before we had to leave for dinner which was at a restaurant just a few minutes walk away so it didn't take us long to get there and meet everyone who had also just arrived. The restaurant was packed with other people celebrating graduations which made it a little hard to talk and with all the people going back and forth and acquaintances coming over to say congratulations it was slightly overwhelming especially after everything else that has happened today. Throughout dinner Fabio kept his hand either holding mine or on my knee which helped in keeping me calm when there was so much going on which was nice as I always feel better when he's close to me. Eventually it all calmed down and we all had a nice meal together and I got to say goodbye to some family members I'm not going to be able to see again before I leave for Andorra which was bittersweet and made me realise just how much I'm going to miss my family and friends when they aren't just a few hours away but Fabio was right by my side to reassure me that he will be there if I start to feel homesick.

Seeing as from the morning life would be a bit hectic for a while Fabio and I took the opportunity to have a relaxing evening and went for a walk together around the lake nearby before taking the long way back home to really make the most of the warm summer evening air. Once we got back we both got into comfy clothes and got into bed with a movie playing in the background as he played with my hair while I ran my fingers up and down his arm over his tattoo. It wasn't long before his actions made me sleepy and I felt my eyes beginning to close as his other arm pulled me closer to him and he placed a kiss on my head whispering good night.

[astranva]

Watermelon Sugar (Behind the Scenes)

Word Count: 1.4k

Category: fluff!

Warning: Some strong language & not proof-read. honestly? i never proof-read ok, i’m always too excited

Summary: Shots of long-term girlfriend Y/N in Watermelon Sugar (Behind the Scenes).

Harry could remember when he asked her to be in his music video. He had been nervous, the fact that they both liked their privacy in his mind.

She was a 19 year-old university student when they met. They had taken their time to form a relationship; going on dates whenever neither of them was busy, talking on the phone like high school lovers, and by the 5th month, she had asked him that one question:

“Do you want to be my boyfriend?”

To the both of them, the setting was perfect. Her eyes were slightly red from crying out of exams’ stress, but Harry had come to the rescue with Chinese takeout and lots of cuddles.

He was sitting beside her on the ground, eating on the coffee table after promising to pretend to be her student so she could explain what she had studied, just to make sure it certainly stuck to her brain. She was studying architecture, and to say Harry was enamored by that would be an understatement.

The moment she asked him that one question, his head snapped to look at her, one noodle dangling from his mouth, eyes wide underneath his eyeglasses that it made her heart swell and giggle.

After containing himself and swallowing, Harry had managed to reply;

“I would love to be your boyfriend.”

And then he was always there. He was there at her graduation, taking numerous pictures of her and being in almost every single family picture of hers. He was there when she was going through a 2-year full-on stress to get her masters, showering her with love and pride until she was officially an architect at the age of 25.

He was there when she got her first full-time job, postponing all his events and work for the day just so he could drive her to and from the office on her first day – he even packed her lunch and slipped in a good luck note.

Harry was there in all the in-betweens and she was, too.

They had shared many milestones together as a couple, too.

When Harry met Y/N in one of his hometown friends’ house party, her hair was long. In fact, he could remember conversing with her about his own hair length which he was letting get longer during that time when he was 19. Reaching the middle of her back, she kept her hair at that very length for a long time, until she decided to suggest something one night after her and Harry had wrestled to eat the last pizza slice while in Jamaica in 2016 as he wrote his album:

“Hey, what do you think about cutting our hair and donating it?”

Harry had cut her hair, and she had cut his. While she gave him a boy-cut, he had cut her hair to shoulder-length, only for her to surprise him the following day by giving herself a matching boy-cut and heavens, he was in love.

Harry was definitely thankful and grateful for having Y/N beside him, and in his life; but he was also thankful for the relationship that grew between her and the fans.

The fans weren’t monsters, most of them could spot a bad person miles away. They disliked problematic people; the ones who were ignorant to world problems and didn’t use their privilege right. But it was when pictures of Harry and Y/N from a time when Harry visited her on campus surfaced on the internet that a whole lot of people grew happy.

How could they not? They could see how happy he was around her – the happiest they had seen him. Pictures of him doubled over as he laughed, her attempting to give him a piggyback ride, Harry at a uni party, drunk, with his arm around her as they both cheered.

From time to time, a picture would surface of the both of them and it would make the internet go crazy.

The fans’ had many favorite pictures of the couple, and right on top, were the ones from her graduation; pictures of Harry beaming at her as he recorded her speech, them posing with her graduation cap on Harry’s head, him carrying her bridal-style as she held one arm out in the air with her cap, a picture of Harry taking a picture of her and her family, everything was too wholesome and raw.

They enjoyed how relatable Y/N was. The tweets she wrote during her exams, how woke she was and how she continued to help people educate themselves on important matters, how she used stan lingo.

Yourtwitterusername: @Harry_Styles release medicine you coward

More often than not, Y/N would retweet memes Harry’s fans would create, and the fans loved that. They loved interacting with her, especially since she treated them as friends and as one of them.

With all that in mind, Harry was giddy and excited to ask Y/N a question one night:

“Baby, honey,” he nuzzled his head in her neck as he climbed on top of her on bed, smiling into her neck when he heard her laugh at his sudden move before she wrapped her arms around him, “D’you think you can be in my music video? Watermelon Sugar?”

It had taken him some convincing to do but they managed to reach an agreement;

“Fine, yes. I’d love to go on a beach with you and slurp and all watermelons.”

To which Harry replied back to with:

“Wanna slurp on one thing.”

The day of filming came, and it was everything Harry had wished for.

His Y/N was in yellow swimwear that consisted of a bikini top and high-waisted bikini bottoms that made her skin pop and glimmer. Face devoid of makeup, just the way she liked to be in at the beach.

The final video had many shots of Harry and Y/N together, making the world go crazy.

In the final music video which was released in May, after Harry’s solo shots, it showed Y/N. Looking straight into the camera, she ran her hands across her body before another shot showed her lips taking a bite of a watermelon, juice going down her lips and down her chin, all the way to the valley between her breasts.

Another shot of Y/N feeding Harry berries as he had his head on her lap, a shot of her caressing his lips, a shot of Harry running with her on his back, a shot of Y/N splashing water and having fun with the other models, a shot of Y/N with Ephrata on her back, both laughing, a shot of Harry’s fingertips, ring-clad fingers showed as he glided his hand across her leg, and the shot that many fans squealed and went crazy over; a shot of Harry’s thumb grazing her bottom lip before they kissed.

But when August came, 1st of, no one was expecting a behind-the-scenes video of the music video they were still trying to get over.

Watermelon Sugar (Behind the Scenes).

The video started with everyone running on the beach, only silhouettes shown. The moment Y/N appeared, everyone couldn’t help but gush over how goofy their idol and his girlfriend were.

A shot of Harry in his yellow shirt and swimming trunks, showing off how he could do push-ups with Y/N lying on his back.

A shot of Harry and Y/N lying on their fronts, propped up on their elbows as they talked before she reached to take his sunglasses off his face and onto hers, Harry’s smile growing wider,

A shot of Harry holding a Super 8 film camera, shooting his girlfriend as she held two small cut watermelon slices over her boobs, tipping her head back.

A shot of Y/N lying on her stomach, Harry lying with his head on her bum.

A shot of Y/N on a model’s shoulder, playing chicken fight with other 2 models from set, trying to push the other model before managing to and raising her arms up with her mouth open, turning to look at Harry.

A shot of Harry with Y/N on his back, spinning her around.

It wasn’t just a video to anyone.

It wasn’t just what was behind the scenes of the official video, it was a window to peak through at Harry and Y/N’s relationship. They could see the support, the love that was within the both of them and how alike they were with how they interacted with everyone else.

What made it all better, was the comments a few models wrote after the release of the bts video on the couple in reply to the fans:

“Yes! Y/N is a sweetheart! Can’t even tell who’s more lucky, harry or Y/N!”

“It honestly all felt like a friends’ gathering, and it’s because Harry and Y/N were making sure it all was fun”

“You should’ve seen the stuff that weren’t included in the video! They’re definitely a dream❤”

Harry and Y/N weren’t a perfect couple, no, far from it but one thing they reminded each other of, all the damn time was:

they were real.

2,003,147 likes

yourinstagram: well that was fun! thank you for the beautiful women and men on set that helped create this vid. & an absolutely fun day. @harrystyles i’m so fucking proud of you and everything you do. i love you, rockstar❤

[twopoppies]

Hi Gina! I hope you don’t mind, I just need someone to talk to and i’m too scared to tell my parents. So basically I applied to university this year to do a medicine degree (i live in the UK). I was quite excited when I applied because my grades and my entry exam score were really good. I got interviews with my top choices, but I’ve just received a rejection from my top choice in the city i really wanted to study in. I don’t think it’s fully sink in yet that I won’t be able to go to University in the city I’ve always dreamt of but i still can’t seem to stop crying, it just hurts. I think what makes it worse is that I thought that this uni was my best interview by far and I’m terrified for the other decisions knowing that. I’m so scared to tell my parents because they were so proud of my and I really don’t want to disappoint them, them being disappointed in me is something that would kill me. I really don’t know what to do or how to feel. Sorry about the rant, I’ve just been stuck in my head and i really needed to tell someone.

Hi darling. I’m sorry you’re so stressed right now. Not being accepted to that program must be so disappointing.

I guess all I can say is that there are so many reasons a school admits a student, and interviews are only one part of the equation. I don’t know your relationship with your parents, but I can’t imagine being disappointed in my child who tried their hardest to achieve something really difficult, regardless of the outcome. I also know from past experience that sometimes the thing we have our heart set on, isn’t always what’s best for us in the long run.

I hope one or more of the others comes through. I’m sending you a big hug. Tell your parents if you can, having their support would make the wait much less stressful for you. 💗

[alastaircarstairsdefenselawyer]

champagne problems (part 1)

here's my first part of my modern no magic "champagne problems" singer-songwriter quarantine thomastair AU! happy birthday to @foxglove-airmid even though I don't think it's your birthday where you live anymore (and I still haven't posted zia's birthday fic, it'll happen I swear)!

no content warnings for this part (besides maybe quarantine), but future parts will include discussions of mental illness, substance abuse, and a suicide attempt

obviously, the song alastair "wrote" in the fic is not mine, it's by taylor swift! and a few of the lyrics have been changed!

Masterlist | AO3

Thomas breathed out a sigh of relief as he lugged his suitcase up onto the fifth floor landing.

“‘Ere we are,” Piers announced as he unlocked the door.

Thomas was utterly exhausted, such was the result of taking a redeye flight across the Atlantic during a global pandemic, but any idea of rest that he’d had was interrupted when he heard the sound of piano flood the apartment.

“Ah, sorry about that,” Piers nodded, “One of my flatmates, the walls are paper thin. He can’t record at the studio right now, but he’s trying to finish his EP, so it’s been a bit noisier around here. He’ll take a break soon, hopefully.”

Thomas shook his head. “It’s no problem. Thank you, again, for allowing me to stay here. I’ll be looking for my own place as soon as the quarantine is up.”

“Of course. You’ve got the couch as long as you need it. Couldn’t just hang you out to dry, could I? Although, you did pick a god awful time to move to the city, if I do say so myself.”

Thomas sat down on the couch and tried to make himself comfortable. It was more comfortable than the flight or the airport, at least. “I know… I considered postponing the move, but the visa was so difficult to get, I just couldn’t pass up the opportunity. They say this will all blow over in a couple of weeks, but borders are closing and I heard talk of them suspending all pending visa applications. I didn't know how long it would be if I waited, if the job was even still here for me at all.” Although at first entrance, the music had seemed to be a nuisance, it now comforted him. It wasn’t bad at all, in fact, it quite reminded him of the days Alastair’s playing had filled their flat…

“Where did you say you were working again? At a record company?”

“Yeah. I’m just doing pretty basic stuff for now, but if I ever do want to record my own music, I’ve got to start somewhere.”

“Hm,” Piers said, gesturing to the room the music was coming from. “Perhaps you’ll get on with him well, then. Would you like some tea?”

Thomas nodded and Piers went to start the teapot. Piers continued, “Though I suppose he's more of the tortured artist type. Very reserved, quite prickly. I didn't even meet him until a couple weeks after I moved in here because he was off in some psychiatric hospital.” Thomas shifted uncomfortably in his seat. He was never one for gossip. “My other roommate’s nice, though, I think you’ll like him. He-”

“How did you end up in New York, again? I don’t think I ever asked.”

Piers dove into the subject change quite readily, explaining his uni - or college - years in New York City and his decision to stay afterwards. Thomas had tuned most of it out, truthfully. It wasn’t that he was trying to be rude, but he was rather exhausted, and Piers was wearing thin on his patience.

As the kettle started to whine, Thomas heard the musician begin to sing, and he froze. It sounded so much like Alastair. But it couldn't be, could it? With over 8 million people living in the city, he would not end up in Alastair's apartment by accident. His Alastair was certainly reserved and prickly, but it wasn't possible. It must be like all those times he thought he saw him on a street he'd never walked or heard his laugh in a café he'd never been to. Just his mind, tricking him. Even if he knew that voice so well, despite not hearing it in so long.

“It’s quite good, isn’t it? His first single just dropped.” Piers asked, bringing over his cup of tea. He hadn’t realized it, but he’d been staring intently at the door.

Thomas took the cup. “Hm? Yeah, I guess. Thanks.”

“You should look it up. It’s called “champagne problems” by Simurgh. That’s spelled- Well, it should come up.”

The name Simurgh sounded familiar, but Thomas couldn’t put his finger on where he knew it from. At Piers’ insistence, he pulled out his phone and brought up the song. As he skimmed through the first few lines, a cold feeling settled in his stomach.

“You booked the night train for a reason So you could sit there in this hurt Bustling crowds or silent sleepers You're not sure which is worse”

“Simurgh,” Thomas realized.

“Yeah, I think it’s Arabic or something.”

It took Thomas a moment to process that Piers was responding to him. “It’s Persian.” He was certain that Alastair would have some very stern words to say if he heard Piers confusing the two, actually. Thomas had admittedly let his Farsi skills deteriorate quite a bit since the breakup, but he was fairly certain the name came from the Shahnameh. There was no doubt in Thomas’ mind now: he was staying in Alastair’s apartment, and Alastair’s first single was about one of the most painful days in Thomas’ life. “I, er, I used to study it.”

“Oh, yes, that’s right!” Piers launched into a tangent that Thomas tuned out as he read through the rest of the page.

“Because I dropped your hand while dancing Left you out there standing Crestfallen on the landing Champagne problems”

“Thomas? Are you alright?”

He realized then that his hand was trembling so badly that his tea nearly spilled. He used his other hand to steady it. “Oh, uh, yes, I’m just tired.”

“Perhaps you should rest. I can ask Alastair to quiet down for a while-”

“No!” he exclaimed rather too forcefully. “No, that’s not necessary. I’d just rather not talk, if that’s alright.”

Piers nodded.

Thomas kept reading.

“Your mom's ring in your pocket My picture in your wallet Your heart was glass, I dropped it Champagne problems”

Of all the songs, why did he release the one about him? Why was it about a memory still so painful in Thomas’ heart, all of these years later? He remembered it so well, standing there, alone, shattered into a million pieces.

“You told your family for a reason You couldn't keep it in Your sister splashed out on the bottle Now no one's celebrating”

He was fairly certain that Barbara had been more excited than even he was, confident that Alastair would accept, and so very proud of her baby brother, all grown up. She’d been furious when it fell apart, but it was her who stood with him during the aftermath, who boarded him onto a train to Edinburgh to visit Eugenia when he couldn’t stand to be in the same city as him any longer, who went through his phone, blocking all of Alastair’s accounts so that he could obsess over him no longer, who comforted him as he wept and held him as he picked the pieces of himself back up again.

And all the more sour was the memory in light of her death.

“Dom Pérignon, you brought it No crowd of friends applauded Your hometown skeptics called it Champagne problems”

He looked up at Piers, who had fortunately become enthralled with something on his phone and was no longer paying Thomas any mind. He lifted the teacup gingerly to his lips, but he felt far too sick to take a drink.

“You had a speech, you're speechless Love slipped beyond your reaches And I couldn't give a reason Champagne problems”

A reason, that’s all Thomas had wanted. Just any explanation. He understood if they were moving too fast, or perhaps he’d misread something, but he just didn’t understand it.

Why? Why can’t you tell me why? I deserve an explanation, Alastair. Please, anything.

I… I’m sorry, Thomas.

Stop it! Stop apologizing! We can just go home and pretend this never happened, please, forget about all of it, it was a stupid idea-

Thomas, stop. I shouldn’t’ve… This was a mistake. I’m sorry I didn’t see that sooner.

That was the moment Thomas felt his heart stop beating.

“Your Midas touch on the Chevy door November flush and your flannel cure "This dorm was once a madhouse" I made a joke, "Well, it's made for me" How evergreen, our group of friends Don't think we'll say that word again And soon they'll have the nerve to deck the halls That we once walked through”

Despite the nearly two decades Thomas had spent in London before Alastair, it was never the same without him. He saw him everywhere he went, despite knowing he was thousands of miles away. After graduating uni that May, he accepted a spot at a graduate program in Spain and didn’t look back.

“One for the money, two for the show I never was ready so I watch you go Sometimes you just don't know the answer 'Til someone's on their knees and asks you "You’re the only one I want by my side, What a shame you’re fucked in the head," you said”

Those were the words that haunted Thomas’ nightmares, even now.

It’s you! It’s only you for me! It was always going to be you! But I can see now that I was never going to be enough for you, you and your secrets and walls and your lies. It’s a shame… it’s a shame you’re so fucked in the head, Alastair. You’ll never truly love anyone, will you? You’re not physically capable of it.

Alastair hadn’t responded. Thomas had wanted a rise out of him, any reaction at all, despite knowing how lethal and volatile Alastair could become when provoked. But there was nothing. Not a flicker of anything in his steeled expression. He’d simply looked down, apologized again for any pain that he’d caused, and left.

That was the last time they’d spoken.

Thomas and his sister left for Edinburgh that night, and when he’d returned to London, Alastair was gone.

“Well, you'll find the real thing instead Who'll patch up your tapestry that I shred And hold your hand while dancing Never leave you standing Crestfallen on the landing With champagne problems”

Thomas couldn’t imagine giving his heart to anyone again, not now and certainly not then. He’d dated in Madrid, but it had always stayed casual. He’d made sure of it. He could see now that he and Alastair had gotten together quickly, moved in together quickly, done all of it very quickly. After all, he’d fallen hard and fast. He gave all of himself to Alastair, and he’d nearly lost all of himself in the process.

“Your mom's ring in your pocket New picture in your wallet You won't remember all my Champagne problems

“You won't remember all my Champagne problems”

Now, he wondered what the rest of the story was. He’d convinced himself that Alastair had never loved him, that he was heartless and cruel, though he’d known that wasn’t true. Could Alastair have written this song if he’d never truly loved him? Perhaps he was a sociopath.

Thomas felt like he should run. Like he should pick up his bag and dart out of the apartment before Alastair could notice him, find some hotel somewhere with undoubtedly extraordinary high rates and just pretend like this never happened. He could get back on a plane and go back home to his parents and delete his phone browser history and pretend like this was all just a bad dream. But he could not move.

He didn’t know how many minutes had passed before Alastair’s door opened. He looked up with a start.

“Thomas,” Alastair breathed. He stood wide eyed, flushed.

“Do you two already know each other then?” Piers asked.

There was a moment of silence before Thomas cleared his throat. “We used to,” he said, looking down.

“I, er, I forgot that your friend was coming today,” Alastair told Piers. “It’s quite a long journey from London, you should have told me, I would have been quieter.”

Thomas considered correcting him for a moment, but decided not to. “Don’t worry about it. I heard you had your first big release. Congratulations.”

Alastair gave an awkward nod. “Thank you. Right, well, I’ll just…” He rushed over to the kitchen and pulled a bottle of water from the fridge. “I’ll try to be a bit quieter.”

“Don’t- It’s fine, really. In fact, I’m sure there’s some hotel in the area I can stay at for now, actually-”

“Well, don’t leave on my account,” Alastair interrupted. “We agreed to let you stay here, and the city’s a bloody mess right now. I’ll stay out of your hair, Thomas.”

Thomas only nodded as Alastair disappeared back behind his bedroom door.

Thanks for reading! Taglist (ask to be +/-): @stxr-thxif @chaos-and-starlight @zosiaenrique @lifewouldbebetteronmars @littlx-songbxrd @dianasarrow @eugeniaslongsword @bookswitchcraftandcats @jamesherondaleofficial @thomas-gaypanic-lightwood @livingformyself @anarmorofwords @foxglove-airmid @writeforjordelia @sapphic-in @jem-nasium @fortheloveofthecarstairs @alastair-esfandiyar-carstairs1 @shadowrunner2000 @thewarthatsavedmylife @fair-childd @itsjusta-j-really

[livcosmos]

2022 Wrap Up Stories

How is this year almost over? How did this happen? I absolutely can’t believe it, it’s crazy! So much happened, so many life-changing things…and not just this year also since the last time I wrote to you my life has been turned upside down, and not just because "Midnights" by the queen herself came out, but more about that in a minute. I almost finished my first semester at uni, how crazy is that?! I never ever would have believed anyone who would have told me back in July/August that I was going to make it this far, that it was going to go well, and that I was going to enjoy it but here we are! I’m studying English and History but I’m also taking a seminar in Film so I have so much to talk about, let’s get started!

All right first things first, before we get into the books and movies we have to start with music because WOW! So I teased it already in the opening but Midnights?!!! OMG it’s just absolute perfection, it is pretty much the only thing I have been listening to since it came out. It is probably my favorite Taylor album, the vibes, the music, the lyrics it just sooo good!!! I loved Taylor before and I never thought I could love her even more but it turns out I can! Ahhh I love this album so so much!!! I can’t even say which song I love most because they are all so good in their own way and I love them each for so many different reasons but I’m going to name a few of, the ones that really really got to me. The order in which I will name them is random because I can’t rank them, it would hurt too much! Ok so, definitely "Maroon" and "Lavender Haze", and of course "Vigilante Shit" omg I love "Vigilante Shit"! "Sweet Nothing" of course and "You’re on your Own, Kid" and from the 3am version "The Great War", "Paris", "Bigger than the Whole Sky", "Wouldhav’ve, Could’ve, Should’ve" and lately I have been really really loving "Glitch". Oh and of course "Bejewled' and "Anti-Hero", it's obvious that those are on my list too. Yeah so I pretty much named half the album, I’m sorry but it’s so so good!!! I love how it is a mix of everything, I feel like there is a song in there out of each era and I love that!!! Excellent Taylor has outdone herself again and I’m all here for it!

And because everyone has been talking about it, we of course have to talk about the Spotify wrap-up, and I’m going to share mine even though it won’t be a surprise to anyone, I’m basic through and through but I’m proud of it so there you go:

You know what else won’t come as a surprise to anyone? Exactly… the fact that I miss summer! I miss the sun and the warm weather and watching "The summer I turned pretty", by the way, I bet that "Snow on the Beach" will be in season two it has to be and if it truly does, please remember that I said it here first!

I think we are going to move to the books because there are only three, sad I know! First, we have "Hamlet", please don’t come for me but I didn't really enjoy it, I mean yeah it was good but "Macbeth" is sooo much better it has so much more action. I don’t know there was something about "Hamlet" that I didn’t quite like but I can’t say what it is for sure.

Next, we have the "Underground Railroad", I had a huge problem with the writing style in this book it freaked me out, there were so many characters that came out of nowhere all of the sudden with no explanation and all those time jumps and no… but for some reason even though I wouldn’t say it was a book that swapped me of my feet, I keep thinking about it from time to time. I don’t know why but apparently, I can’t let it go just yet. It’s interesting because I didn’t enjoy reading it but somehow it made an impact on me nevertheless.

Now let’s end the book section with something very hyped, something I’m sure you all have heard of and probably also read. I’m delighted to announce to you that I finally read "It ends with us", now I finally know what you all were talking about! My oh my this book was literally a rollercoaster, I have to admit that I got spoilered so I knew that Ryle was going to be a brick but before he misstepped the first time I was so rooting for him, I really really liked him and I thought that for sure he will be good in the end but ohhhhhh the first time he hit her in the kitchen…that was it for me... from that moment on I was disgusted…from that moment on he was dead to me! My God, I felt so sorry for Lily!!!! And Atlas ahhhh I love him obviously, he is her soulmate! I don’t know what to say about the sequel though, I know I always say, that I won’t read the sequels because I’m afraid it will ruin things and then I read them anyway but…I mean the story kind of had a good ending and I don’t want all to get messed up again so…I don’t know what to do! I'm curious of course but …we will see I will defiantly keep you updated! Oh and also did this book fire up my already high trust issues? Yes, it most certainly did!

Ok, now we can get to the most fun part, the movies! I will start with my favourite out of all the ones I will discuss with you today and that is "The School for Good and Evil”, I went in there knowing nothing and I had the absolute best time watching it! I really really loved the story it’s exactly the kind of story I love, with fantasy elements and all ahhh I loved it! You already know I love Sofia Wylie but oh my I also loved her costar, the girl who played Sophie, ahhhh speaking of Sophie she was my favourite character, and the "you should see me in a crown" scene is perfection, I watched it so many times it’s soooo good!!! I won't read the books but I would love them to make sequels to the movie, I would love to see how the story goes on!

I also finally watched (I know shame on me for watching it so late in my life) "Pride and Prejudice", I liked it of course but can you please tell me where Mr. Darcy wasn't the pure evil he is always portrayed to be? I get that in the book he is way worse (again shame on me for watching the movie before reading the book) and I’m not saying that he was a saint in the movie but I imagined him to be way worse!

And because we are already speaking of it, I also watched "Persuasion" the new one with Dakota Johnson, I love Dakota she is amazing! And I liked "Persuasion" more than "Pride and Prejudice" but this might probably be because of the modern turn they took on it, so I don’t know… you are all probably screaming at be because I also haven't read "Persuasion" and you think that the movie is a joke but that's just my opinion, I will get back to you about this when I read both books and I'm more qualified to judge!

Ok moving on to "Enola Holmes 2", the only three things I have to say about this movie are 1. I liked the first movie better, 2. there was too little Twekesbury in it, 3. I can’t say it enough how much I love that time period and maybe a bonus nr.4 and 5 I loved that it was inspired by true events and I missed Sam Claflin.

All right "Do revenge” I love Camila Mendes, I love Maya from Stranger Things and I love Sophie Turner. It was a funny movie and I always love a funny movie, I also loved the soundtrack especially that they put Tate and Rosalia in it!

I wouldn't be me if I wouldn’t have watched the 10 years Violetta reunion, Violetta was such a huge part of my childhood and it’s so crazy that it has been 10 years since it came out! I cried the whole time while I was watching it. It was so emotional and I still know every word of every song! The only negative thing I have to say about it is that it was way too short!

Oh and I watched "Witches" on Halloween and it was ok, my favourite Halloween movie still is and will always be "Hocus Pocus"!

As I mentioned in the beginning, I’m taking a seminar on Film, every week we watch a movie and then we discuss it. It is so much fun to be able to talk to people who share the same interests as you! And I have to be honest it made me look at movies in a whole other way, I always watch them mindlessly just for the experience and the plot but there is a whole other level. to them I have been neglecting, the technical one. It always you to analyze the movie in so much more detail and it’s so interesting! Oh and I love that the seminar make me watch movies that I wouldn’t normally watch, for example, we watched a Western "High Noon”, yes it was boring but it was a whole experience to watch it and I never watched a Western before! And that song is still stuck in my head! I love that my knowledge of movies is expanding and that I’m learning so many new things! The first movie we watched was "500 days of summer" and it was again the typical case of: I wasn’t blown away by it but I kept thinking about it for so long that it grew on me!  The next movie we watched was "Her", again very wired and not my cup of tea but the discussion we had about it was very interesting! Oh and we watched the first Spiderman, the one with Tobi and I can’t believe I’m saying this but I realized that I had never watched that movie from start to end before so that was nice! After that, we watched "Spiderman into the Spiderverse" and before watching it I thought I was going to have a problem with the animation but in the end, I ended up liking it! Then we watched "Juno", again a movie I have never watched from start to finish which I really liked, I especially liked that we watched it to contrast it to "The Florida Project", a very disturbing but interesting movie! I really love this seminar because I love learning all those new things about something that is so important to me!

And just like that, we have come to the end, thank you so much for reading, and I wish you all a happy Christmas and a happy New Year! I hope to see you in the new year with even more movies, books, and music discussions!

[beeroses]

I needed not to go

This week's @rebelwrites picture challenge!

Warnings: Language, Angel's finally a decent character in one of my stories!! Writing is gender neutral. Credits for gif to gif maker. Credits for Angel to Kurt and Elgin.

- Do you really have to go that far to become smart, your lovely uncle Bishop asked.

- Well, it’s sure gonna help to be at the University, to become smart, rather than sitting here… you answered, smirking.

You’ve always been really close with your uncle. When kids pissed you off at school, you’d call him so he’d come pick you up when classes finished, on his motorcycle : it was your way of pissing them off back. And he always played along. When he became a Mayans, he tried to keep you away from the club but it didn’t quite work out. So he stopped trying and brought you, sometimes, to see your other newer uncles at the clubhouse. The guys loved you and you soon felt you were family. They were your family, your second family, the one you made for yourself.

You grew up like this, surrounded by the big bad bikers that were actually sitting on the floor colouring with you, behind closed doors, although they’d never admit it out loud. But you’d gotten older and one day, this new guy started prospecting. He was cocky and mad at the entire world but he was very very attractive. When Bishop finally introduced you officially to him, after telling all sorts of shenanigans involving the man, you almost spat out your drink hearing his name was Angel: how goddamn ironic was that. You grew to like him a lot : he was always nice to you, his arrogant ways died down a little and his charming smiles he threw around were enough to make your knees weak. He became one of your friends. Once EZ got out of prison, you found out how much you had in common with him : the books, the smarts, the school. And just like that, the Reyes family became your third family, your love family, the one you chose for yourself. And even though every new conquest from Angel stung your heart slightly, you never said anything and held it all in.

Bringing us back to the front of the junkyard, one late August morning, on you verge of going away for University. You took a break between highschool and Uni to make sure you were ready, you knew what you wanted to do and that you would manage to pay for yourself. Even though that last part was beyond the point since Bishop was currently slipping a cheque in your pocket with an indecent amount of zeros on it. The man was over the moon proud of you and he wanted nothing more than to encourage you to pursue your dreams. Therefore, anything you wanted or needed to make it to Med School in Stanford, he provided and when you got accepted, he threw you a gigantic Mayans party at the clubhouse. The guys were all saying you were his soft spot but deep down, you were all of their soft spot!

Bishop took your arm and pulled you to him, hugging you close.

- You go out there, and you show them how kick ass you are, ok? he whispered in your hair.

- Promise, Tio, you chuckled.

- And you come back here to patch us up when needed, you heard Hank add.

- I’d really rather you not getting hurt than me patching you up, though… you answered.

- Well, , you know us, we can’t make that kind of promise mi Cielito, Taza replied, smirking.

Oh, how badly you were going to miss them. You were so excited to go to Uni up until yesterday but when you buckled up your last suitcase, taped your last box, you realized how big a hole it would be in your day to day life, not to have them around. Sure, they made absolutely impossible to date, to study or to have a quiet peaceful moment, but they were your entire world.

You went to EZ last, he was sitting on the stairs of his camper.

- Where’s Angel, you asked him.

- I.. don’t know, to be honest.

- I don’t understand what could be more important to him that he couldn’t come. I mean, I’m not gonna be there for a while, you snapped, eyes glossy with emotions.

- I don’t think you get it..I don’t think he could… EZ started.

- There’s nothing to get, he must’ve found a cute little butt to bring home and that’s it, you added, bitterly.

You hugged EZ tightly and took off to your car, waving at them men that made you who you were now and felt shattering in your heart as they slowly disappeared from the rearview mirror.

— A couple weeks into the semester —

You had been extremely busy with school. You realized, approximately on your third day at Stanford, that you could forget a social life for quite a while. You had a lot of studying and a lot of work to do but you were lucky enough to have a great place to live in, with giant windows allowing you a full view of the city surrounding your building. It was basically one room and a bathroom, but the view itself was enough to make you choose this place over a slightly bigger one. Bishop texted you everyday and you had arranged phone dates every Thursdays to catch up on each other. Since your uncles were your biggest fans, even if you were loaded with work, you never skipped Thursday night dates. He often called you from Templo and put you on speakerphone so the others could come in and catch up on some news about you. You mostly found them absolutely adorable since they were supposed to be criminals but they literally clapped and cheered when you announced you got the highest note of the class on some project you had to do!

There’s only one thing that bothered you. You hadn’t spoken to Angel since you’d left. From the day he didn’t show up at your departure, not one text message, email, phone call, he never once joined the uncles at Templo, nor did he make smoke signals or sent a carrier pigeon. Not a word. You started off being incredibly mad at him for forgetting you but the longer it lasted, the sadder you became. It broke your heart that the man you liked for so long actually forgot about the second you left his sight.

It was Friday night, you had a ton of work to do and didn’t want to spend the entire weekend locked inside your place to do it so you pushed yourself to continue longer, that evening. To make yourself more convincing, you added a glass of your favorite wine to the mix, working with it as a reward system : after you finish typing 300 words, correcting, proofreading them and making sure they were top notch, you allowed yourself a sip. Since the assignment was to write up a biochemistry practical on the effect of a specific enzyme on a specific heart disease, you figured the sips would actually really be a reward as they came far from one another.

You were nervously tapping your pencil on your notebooks, trying to find a specific test in your biochem textbook, when you heard knocking at your door. You couldn’t figure out who that could be, you were to busy with studying to make friends and you’d never actually crossed paths with your neighbours . You took a sip, breaking your reward system, and went to your door. Opening it, you were faced with none other than Angel Reyes, standing in your doorway, puppy eyes on display and a glossiness making you think he had a few drinks before coming to your door.

- Hey you, he slurred, nice to see you here!

- Angel, you knocked on my door, how are you surprised to find me here..?

- Well, you know, I haven’t seen you in so long, I figured maybe I would recognize you but hey, there you are! he looked proud of himself which made you mad.

- Yeah and whose fault would that be, would you mind telling me..?

- I don’t know, I’m not the one grading you, he said, smiling big.

You pulled him inside, you’d rather have him on your couch than knowing he’s wondering the city in this state of mind. You poured him a glass of water and a cup of coffee, hoping the mix of both, at some point, would fix his head slightly.

- Damn, this view… he said, staring at the horizon, through your window.

He sat down on the couch and drank all the fluids offered to him. You sat back at your desk, thinking you gotta, at least, get through the hardest theoretical part of your assignment. You turned around to inform Angel of the work you still had to do when you realized he was already half asleep. You got up and put a blanket over him and return your attention to biochem. You worked and sipped wine until very late in the night, but managed to actually complete the work. When you turned off your computer and turned around towards Angel, you noticed he wasn’t sleeping anymore.

- How long have you been staring at me? you asked.

- Longer than I’d care to admit, he answered. How late is it? When I went down, the sun was setting and now, it looks like it’s about to rise…

- Well, it is 4am.. so fairly soon, I guess, you answered, sheepishly.

- And you’re just now stopping for a break? He was dumbfounded. He knew how hard you worked form what you told the boys, and what Bishop said about you, but he never actually realized how much your heart was into it.

- Yeah, well, I really wanted to get through this one to allow myself some kind of weekend, you know..

- That you’re gonna spend exhausted from working too much?

- Oh, how nice it was while you were sleeping… you rolled your eyes at his antics.

You got up and turned off the lights.

- I’m going to sleep now, please do too, you almost begged him.

- I can see your bed from here, you’re going absolutely nowhere.

- Well, it’s not big but it’s COZY. And I LIKE it. You snapped. You were tired, and you were still pissed at him for the radio silence you’ve gotten the past two months.

You slipped into your sheets, after changing and brushing your teeth in the bathroom. You spared a glimpse at Angel, who looked like he was back to sleep. You heard him sigh.

- Where were you, Angel…. ? you tried, barely above a whisper.

- I couldn’t come.. I just.. I couldn’t.

- Why, though?? What could’ve been so important that you couldn’t come?

- Nothing. Nothing was more important than for me not to go.

- I’m sorry, what ? You almost yelled at him.

He got up from the couch and walked blindly to your bed. He sat on the edge of it and you fought your desire to push him off from it. You barely saw the shape of his hand, approaching your face until it was lovingly put on the side of your head, his thumb brushing soothingly your temple.

- I’m so damn proud of you, you have no idea. The night before, EZ and I went to dinner at Pop’s house, he sends his love, by the way, I don’t know what you did do to him.. Anyway, we were talking about your departure and your career and how many butts you were gonna kick and than I heard myself say : «I just really don’t want Y/N to go». I saw it in Pops’ eyes, I saw it in EZ’ sudden leg bouncing, I knew if I went to say goodbye, I’d try to make you stay. Because no matter how proud of you I am, there’s nothing I wanted more than to keep you with me. And than I figured if I went there and tried to make you stay in Santo Padre, I’d get beaten up by Bishop so badly, so I didn’t go. EZ told me how mad you were… I’m sorry.

- I wasn’t mad, Angel. I was just.. I was really sad. I couldn’t believe that probably the most important person in my life wasn’t even gonna say goodbye. His head shot up.

- The most important.. ? You really mean that? He asked, suddenly extremely attentive to the smallest moves, breaths and heartbeats.

- Angel…

You lifted your hand to lay it delicately on his cheek, thumb making circle-patterns on his cheekbone. He slowly grabbed your wrist to make sure you don’t remove your hand. Even through the darkness, you see him indulge in the softness of the moment when he closes his eyes and unconsciously pushes his face further in your hand. You let out a small laugh at the gesture. His eyes snapped open and before you saw the movement, he bent down over you and laid a long overdue, passionate kiss on your lips. You grabbed his face to pull him closer and while one arm was busy maintaining his weight off of you, his other hand traveled to your waist to make sure the contact wasn’t gonna be lost. Did the kiss last 1 minute or 1 hour, neither of you knew, but when you pulled back before suffocating, all you could make up was that this was the best you’ve ever received.

- Can I stay for the weekend? Apparently, you don’t have any assignment left to do so maybe you’d have a little spare time for me? He asked, goofy smile on.

- I think I could manage some spare time for you, you winked.

He leant down towards you once more to grab your lips in another, much slower kiss and added : "Bishop’s gonna kill me".

Taglist : @withmyteeth @chibsytelford

[if-music-be-the-food-of-love]

Loving your headcanons so far. Do you have any others you're sitting on? Like about the future, maybe after college. <33

Hi, anon, sure. And thank you!! 🥰 Here you go:

I definitely agree with most people who say Robbe and Sander don't move in together right away. It's just not practical. Robbe wants to be there for his mom. They're young, and it makes way more sense to save the money for when they're ready. That being said, I think they do move in together maybe around Robbe's last year of uni. Sander has a job and wants his own place. Of course, Robbe comes along when Sander starts looking around, and when Robbe asks why they're only looking at places with two bedrooms, without batting an eyelash, Sander says, "My studio has to be in its own room, so there's enough room for you...and your things. So you have your own space to work." Then he lifts an eyebrow, eyes slightly nervous, and asks, "Move in with me?" Robbe gasps, his eyes widening, and looks around the flat they're in. A squeaky "Yes," tumbles out of his mouth, and he throws his arms around Sander. So it's in that kitchen that Sander teaches Robbe how to cook; it's on their couch that Robbe studies for his exams; it's at the desk in their bedroom that he writes his thesis; it’s in their home that he applies to grad school; and it's in their bed that Sander distracts him when he has to be reminded to take a break.

In my mind Robbe continues to grad school right away and possibly to a PhD. He strikes me as the type who will choose a field that requires years of education and training (that's why he's a chemical engineer in my last fic). Sander, on the other hand, likes to be doing things. He finishes his degree and immediately looks for work. He wants to be out there, observing life, experiencing life, and he knows that he'll only get better by continuing to practice. So he supports Robbe through grad school, either working freelance or finding a steady gig that gives him the free time to work on his own projects. Robbe always feels a little guilty, though. He spends his day studying and teaching undergrads, and then he comes home and sees how tired Sander is or how draining it is for him to balance several projects at once. He can’t help feeling like he’s the reason Sander has to work so hard. Sander, however, disagrees, always reminding him with a hug and a lingering kiss that his job is to study so that he can be his “sugar daddy” later. He really doesn’t mind because he’s so proud of Robbe, and he has unwavering faith in how successful he’s going to be. And Robbe is focused, sometimes too much, so Sander takes his distraction job seriously. The first few times he forces Robbe to stop working/studying, Robbe is upset. In his mind he has to succeed to even things out with Sander, to make all of Sander’s sacrifices worth it, but once he realizes why Sander is doing it and that it actually helps (and is a lot of fun 😏), he gives in and doesn’t complain. Sander only does it when he thinks it’s necessary…usually…mostly...Robbe’s not complaining anymore, so…yeah.

Several people have written about how they think the proposal will go down, but I’ve always thought it would be like this. Sander, being the one who likes grand gestures, will buy a ring and have everything planned out to the last detail. And then, the week before he’s going to do it, Robbe will roll on top of him in bed, or look up at him at the dinner table, or poke him in the ribs with his toe as they’re watching a movie on the couch, and just blurt out, “Marry me?” Robbe will look all shy, slightly embarrassed that he couldn’t control himself, but he couldn’t help it. He loves their life together, and he wants it to always be like this. It’s the little things that make him happy, make him feel loved and safe, so it just came out in a moment where he felt overwhelmed with the rightness of it all. Even though he hadn’t planned it, he doesn’t take it back. He means it and looks at Sander with glowing, nervous eyes. Sander is dumbfounded, his mind processing the change of plans. Without a word, he leans over and pulls a black box out from its hiding place under the bed (for this scenario let’s pretend they’re in bed). In answer he hands the box to Robbe, saying, “I was going to ask you on Saturday, but...you beat me to it.” Robbe looks at the ring in wonder, his eyes shiny. Still focused on the box, he whispers, “So which one of us is supposed to say yes?” His question breaks the tension, and their eyes lock, their lips lifting into crooked, dopey smiles. “On three?” Sander asks, and at Robbe’s nod, he counts, and they both say “Yes” at the same time. A moment passes while they both exhale and then Robbe throws himself at Sander, tackling him to the bed. Neither of them can decide whether to laugh, cry, or kiss, so they do all three at the same time, and eventually Sander berates him for ruining his romantic proposal, though he’s not really upset at all. Robbe apologizes with a kiss, but says, “I prefer this. It was sweet. We can still go on your romantic date, and if you want to ask me again then, I promise I’ll say yes.” Sander hugs him closely and murmurs into his neck, “I’d happily ask you every day.”  Robbe kisses his ear and whispers back, “And I’ll always say yes.”

(Okay that one got really sappy...oops)

Do they adopt a kid(s)? Probably, but I don’t know when or how. For canon Robbe and Sander I can’t guess when they’d be ready. I don’t see them being nearly as young as they are in my fic, but I do see it. Sander would be such a fun dad—playful with lots of ideas. Robbe would probably have to rein him in and be the more practical parent. And here’s the one thing I am so sure about and don’t ask me why bc I don’t know: they NEVER use a stroller. Sobbe with a stroller just doesn’t compute for me. One of them wears the baby in a carrier, and the other one wears the backpack full of crap. They take turns, and both of them would rather carry the baby.

Okay, here’s the last one, and I’m kind of embarrassed about it, but I also think it’s a very Sander thing to do. If that wtfockdown clip bothered you (as it scarred me), maybe stop here. It’s not bad or graphic, but it’s based on that clip. So we know how Robbe took his shirt and belt off in that clip, and we can assume it happened more than once (bc those two were such a disaster during quarantine, Sander especially). Well, it all happened around Sander’s birthday…now Sander associates Robbe stripping with his birthday, so it’s the only present he wants for his birthday, that Robbe give him a little strip tease. Every year. Robbe’s all blushy and shy at first, but he grows more confident; and they end up having a lot of fun with it.

Thanks for asking! This was a lot of fun, and I’m always up for more if you’re interested. Have a lovely day!!💕

[donaidk]

Rhythm of Time - Part VIII

I finally got this part ready as well 🥺 Uni is getting to the point where my days will be full of studying and I won't really be able to get big parts of writing done every week but I will try my best! Only promise I can make is that I'm not letting go of any of the stories, just going to be slower with them (just as I was until now really :/). Gonna try my best 🥰 Hope you guys had a great weekend and it will carry onto the next week as well 🧡

Part VII | You’re here | Part IX (coming soon)

Masterlist | Taglist/Queue | Request

“ Are you here with dad? ” I asked her as soon as we were a bit further away from the crows, sitting at one of the café’s tables. I was pretty sure about the answers she would give me, but I still wanted to hear it from her. “ Stupid question. You always are clinging to him. ” I rolled my eyes a little, leaning back in my seat.

“ I came here with him, but I’m not here because of him. In a way that’s exactly why I wanted to talk to you. ” She let out a sigh, still shying away from keeping eye contact for more than a few seconds. Her statement made me curious, even though I knew her better than to feel optimistic just by empty words leaving her lips. “ I’m sorry for what happened yesterday. I never thought he would choose to do something like that out of frustration. ” Mum shook her head as my eyebrow shot up and if biology would have let it I would have been missing one from the exact second she stopped speaking.

“ Because me warning you about him and all his actions several times wasn’t big enough of a warning? ” I asked her, trying really hard not to raise my voice out of anger. Even if she was my family and my own blood, there were a bit too many painful memories connected to her and the time I spent at home. “ I don’t really know what more you could need to realise what’s going on around you. ” I shook my head a little, forcing a smile on my face when the waitress brought us our two cups of coffee.

“ I really am sorry. You wanted to help us… help me, but I didn’t listen to you. ” She shook her head, looking down at the cup in front of her and I did the exact same with my own cup. “ I asked him to move out and leave. Our family house should be a place for everyone, and not a place that people can’t visit because one member ruins it for the others. ” Her words surprised me as even her apology didn’t make me think about the possibility of her taking action. I thought she would be too far gone under our dad’s influence to actually turn against him.

“ What changed? ” I asked her, confused why we had to get to this point for her to finally realise his true intentions. There were enough signs a year ago already. “ Were his actions and decisions not telling enough? Did we have to get to this point for you to finally believe me? ” I went further with my questioning and I saw how she knew there was nothing she could say to fix the last few years.

“ I should have done something the first second I saw how he acted. But I didn’t, and I will always be sorry for that, even if I know that doesn’t help you in any way. ” She shook her head, looking everywhere but at me. “ I’m proud that you still achieved what you wanted, and I’ll always be angry at myself that we weren’t there to help you. ” She finally looked up at me and somehow it felt like everything she said was genuine. They all lost my respect and trust but at the same time I couldn’t just turn my back on them.

As much as I suffered from my own dad, they weren’t much better off. I would maybe even say that staying in the same household as him was worse than running away from my family. I might have felt alone but I was out of his reach and didn’t have to endure his nasty humour and painful words every hour of the day he spent at home. Sometimes my decisions felt like copping out, but when you couldn’t trust your own blood, you had to look out for yourself alone. My solution was running away and distancing myself from the places that caused my pain, and carefully choosing my new groups afterwards.

“ Do you have somewhere to stay? ” I asked her after a few seconds of silence between us as I had to think through everything that was said. “ Knowing him, he probably cancelled the room before flying out. ” I rolled my eyes, taking the last sip from my coffee and deeming our conversation finished for now.

“ He did, but don’t worry about it. I should probably get home as well and give you your space… ” She shook her head immediately but I wasn’t happy with that plan. Not after we both knew how angry he must be at home right now.

“ He needs that time more to pack up and leave without hurting you as well. ” I shook my head as well, taking out a piece of paper from my bag to quickly put down the address of our hotel. “ I’ll call the hotel and get them to let you into my room. You can have a rest and something to eat. I will ask the team for another room for tonight, but I need time before I can get it all set up. ” I pushed the paper into her hands right before standing up.

We had a schedule I couldn’t mess up, although this one time I was relieved it gave me a reason to leave. As much as I knew she was family and my own mum, I still didn’t feel comfortable in her proximity until she showed me she deserves my full trust again. It wasn’t an option though to let her get home until we couldn’t be sure that Dad actually left, and I was glad I could at least help her with a room. I never used my privileges this way, but it was a special occasion, where I didn’t have other safe choices I could pick from.

“ Mona… ” She called out just as I was ready to finally turn around and leave the café. “ Thank you. I don’t deserve your help. ” She let out a sigh, holding onto the little slip of paper tightly. I nodded a little, sending her a tiny smile before turning on my heel.

Getting back to the team was fortunately only a few second walk from the canteen area. By the time I arrived at the hospitality the drivers’ meetings were already underway, which gave me an hour to get everything sorted for the afternoon. In need of some silence, my first choice was Mick’s driver room, shutting everyone and everything out who could disturb me. Jock was the only one who I let inside when he was bringing some food and some clothing to sort through for the following day. However, working next to him was no worse than in a silent room as he knew exactly in what situations I locked myself away from people. His quiet mingling around the room maybe even helped me to focus as I got through every email and schedule in record time, closing my laptop just in time to get down to the meeting room before they would leave after wrapping up.

I walked back to the garage with the team, watching Mick’s last warm up session, before following him right to the car. As usual I watched the race with the others, trying to get the car to go faster with our voices even though we knew it would probably never work this way. The whole team knew that the car wasn’t perfect for this track and it pretty much was visible in every session and the race itself as well. Even with the chaos at the front, with many cars having to retire because of either collisions or failures, Mick could only find himself in the points, fighting the machine until the last straight.

The only positive of the outcome was that we didn’t have to stay longer than necessary. Mick almost flew through the media questions and interviews, wanting to get back to the hotel as soon as possible. Everyone easily understood that he was tired after a complicated race, even if from the outside it seemed like a normal everyday drive. My insides twisted a little every time I could feel him trying to stay away from using his hand. The gloves weren’t gentle to the skin anyways but with his knuckles being already tender even before he got into the car, I couldn’t imagine how it must have felt. I successfully located Jock while Mick had to finish up with debrief, taking an ice pack from him and letting him know that whatever Mick decides to tell him, he should give him something in the evening for the pain. He was just as grateful for the information as Mick looked when I handed him the cold pack, sitting down next to him for the last 10 or so minutes of their meeting.

The ride back to the hotel was quick and quiet, everyone already tired from the day enough to just sit in the car and stare out of the window. I still had to talk to the reception after we arrived, to get my mum a room as well. Luckily they still had a few open ones, easily giving me another key under the team’s name. I met her in my room to hand her the key before I went down to have dinner with the team as she already ate. I knew we would have enough time the next day to talk and catch up, without any team tasks rushing me. We only had to get through the two planned videos that we had to film before the afternoon was fully ours.

By the time I got back to my room my mum and her stuff were all gone, for which I was relieved. I was way too exhausted to have a deep conversation about everything that happened in the last days and also last years. That was for another day when we weren’t just done with a long and eventful day. The only thing I wanted to worry about was getting enough sleep to then go through the plans for our last day in the country. I was just getting into bed when she sent a message about having breakfast together, which I couldn’t deny, knowing it would easily fit into my schedule.

By the time we were finished I knew Mick would already be sitting in debrief at the track, which was my next destination as well. I managed to get a bit of packing done still, before taking a car to the track. I did get held up in a conversation with a few people I knew from different teams, but entered the Haas hospitality building just in time. There was still ten minutes till the end of the meeting which I easily spent by just going through social media. I just looked up as the door to the room finally opened and people poured out, all of them ready to take another flight home before the next race weekend would arrive.

“ First the team video and then the F1. ” I informed Mick again as soon as he stepped out of the room and seemed ready to get on with the next tasks. “ Then lunch and some PR work with the team before getting back to the hotel to pack. ” I added, but it didn’t seem to break his spirits, even though sometimes the team had a few strange ideas to promote their drivers to the community.

“ I’ve never been more happy about media tasks. Finally something that’s not data related. ” He took a deeper breath, following me out of the building as the team planned to film in the outside area as the weather seemed perfect. “ Please remind me that I was glad to take part when they ask us some stupid questions. ” He added, making both of us laugh for a second, although sadly it was true. Sessions like these could get a bit complicated with their questions.

“ The team one will be less chaotic. They at least will listen to us, while the general one will probably be rushed and therefore make us suffer. ” I shrugged a little, thanking him as I left the building when he opened the door but stepped aside to let me out first. “ Are you sure you want to do the F1 one with me? I’m sure you could ask Gary as well. We’re doing the team one together anyways. ” I offered him a last chance, although it was already planned out that I would be the one taking part in that video next to him as well.

“ At first I only knew about the F1 video. I asked you right after the plans were shared with us. When the team told me about their idea I asked him as well, but he passed. ” He reiterated as I already asked him a few times whether he was sure about his choices or not. “ He’s probably camera shy, that’s why he chose the radio duty. ” Mick chuckled, as we targeted the little shadowed part of the paddock that was already full of filming equipment and people from our team.

“ So I wasn’t even your first choice… Nice. Makes me feel good. ” I rolled my eyes immediately, forcing my face to stay ice cold for a few seconds. It was just enough for Mick to stop in his tracks and look at me horrified before I finally let out a laugh at his expression. “ You should be used to my humour by now. ” I added, patting him on the shoulder before I turned towards the filming crew, leaving him with his thoughts.

As soon as he got back to reality we were seated by one of the assistants while the other put our mics on and made sure they were working as they should be. We were just about ready when my phone went off with a message from my mum that I couldn’t resist opening. Luckily it was only telling me that she got to the hotel and they let her inside the room. With a sigh I sent back a quick message, telling her to use whatever she needs before putting it away into my pocket. Mick turned towards me when I looked up again, but didn’t say anything, just sent a small smile my way before focusing back to the job at hand. As much as I was still mad at my family and the last few days, I also wanted the interview to be over and for the team to dismiss us so I could get back to the hotel.

“ Think we should get our mums to have dinner together tonight. ” Mick spoke up and first I actually thought he was talking to the crew. Then realisation slowly hit me and I almost had to spit out the sip of water that was still in my mouth. “ Your mum could use some company and I think they would get on well. ” He tried to explain as I couldn’t find my words to react to his idea. I could only stare back at him with my arm frozen in front of myself, holding up the half full water bottle.

" You think what? Why should they? " I could only hope that the camera crew weren’t in a hurry because after Mick’s words I couldn’t focus on our task. “ I don’t think your mum should be brought into this drama. You saw how my dad is. She doesn’t need that in her life. ” I shook my head immediately, putting down the water bottle from my hand, closing the conversation on my part. His mum was too precious of a person to be connected with my family.

Thankfully we didn’t have any more time to discuss the situation, Jock finally getting our attention as we seemed to miss anyone else calling our names for the last minute. We both got a few cards with short questions on it that we would have to answer as soon as the camera started rolling. I let Mick introduce us and the game as well, getting a smile on my face in the meantime. Partially I was glad we had something to do that could preoccupy my mind, getting me to think about something else than what was waiting for me at the hotel. The quick rock-paper-scissors round we had determined that Mick’s the one starting with the questions which we both had to answer, as they were mostly about us and not just separately one of us.

“ Okay, first question. Did you guys know each other before starting working together? ” He read out and made both of us think for a second. “ Can we count it as knowing each other? ” He turned towards me, secretly giving me the chance to decide how much we would share.

“ We did meet before, during a gala or party or whatever you call it. Let’s say an event. ” I made myself giggle for a second before getting back to my previous focus. “ I wouldn’t say we were friends before it, but we did know of the other. Which isn’t surprising on my part. ” I shrugged a little, knowing that he was a well known person even before I got to be part of the paddock. “ Was working together the team’s or Mick's choice? I’m pretty sure it was the team who decided. ” I read the second question when Mick nodded to my answer and everyone was ready to continue.

“ No. It was mine. I could either bring someone with me or choose from two people that the team offered. One being you. ” Mick answered, making me furrow my eyebrows as I turned towards him. This was news even to my ears that I have never heard of before. “ You didn’t know? ” He asked at the sight of my face, looking out to the others around us surprised. He seemed sure that it was either known already or someone at least told me.

“ I mean, now I know. Also, I feel honoured that you trusted me with this. ” I let out a chuckle looking around us to see everyone just as amused by the news. “ Okay, okay. We need to go on. Is it easy for us to work together and what helps us do our jobs smoothly? ” I read off from my next card, immediately thinking about the answer. I was just about to open my mouth when Mick was quicker.

“ I don’t think we ever had any problems. ” He shook his head a little with a frown on his face, looking at me curious if I have anything to say. “ I feel like you will say something that’s embarrassing. ” He shook his head a little, hiding his face behind his card before peeking out from behind them.

“ No, never embarrassing. It’s actually too easy to work with you. Sometimes I don’t even understand what you need me for. ” I shrugged a little, picking at the card that was still held in front of me. “ You never say wrong things, you know the schedule even before I can look at it really and I never really had to remind you about events or programs. You’re a dream client but also my biggest nightmare. ” I looked towards him again laughing as well and I knew I wouldn’t have to explain what I meant by the last word. As much as he helped my job by knowing everything, sometimes it made me feel useless in a way.

“ I wouldn’t be like that if I didn’t have someone next to me. ” He shrugged a little as well, making me snicker before letting the little card fall down next to me. “ Are we friends off track? ” Mick read out, immediately starting to nod as an answer.

“ You could say that. We do spend time together without anything racing related. Going out with other friends from the paddock or just finally relaxing after a long weekend. ” I added some context before focusing on the next question when I could see we were nearing the end time. “ What’s our most annoying habit? Both of ours? ” I looked out to the side and got back a nod instantly.

“ You sleep a lot. ” Mick’s voice made me whip my head back to look at him while letting out a scoff. “ But I know mine as well. I’m way too friendly with everyone in your opinion. ” He said everything just as I would have, even though I didn’t agree with his opinion about my sleeping pattern.

“ I need those hours of relaxation to tolerate you. ” I gave him side eyes and then even rolled them, before letting out the laugh that has been tickling my throat since I started talking. “ Continuing… I really do love this next one. Who has the better social media platform? ” My smile got even better as I felt like it was an easy win for me but when the people around us started laughing it slowly faded away.

“ I rarely post, but I think Angie wins this for me. ” Mick patted my shoulder, his hand staying there as I slowly remembered the pics the fans were dying over just a few days ago. “ Yours isn’t even public. I see it, but the fans would never be able to say whose is better. ” He added, gaining a glare from me before I looked back down on the card with pursed lips. I read the question once more and then just dropped it next to myself, resting my empty palms on my thighs.

“ I don’t like this game. ” I look out to Jock who was already laughing at us and turning away to continue so out of the microphones’ reach. “ What’s your last one? ” I rolled my eyes again, leaning closer and looking down at Mick’s card.

“ Who would be better at the other’s job? ” He pulled the card out of my sight, holding it closer to himself as he read it. I could actually see him thinking, even though this was a no brainer in my opinion. “ This isn’t because you’re a bad driver, but I would say me taking up your position is a better option for everyone. ” Mick answered, leaning further away from me the second I took the card from him and slapped his shoulder with it.

“ Sadly but agreed though. I would never have the dedication to spend so much time with training and getting ready for a weekend that’s based on lots of luck as well. ” I let out a sigh, flinging the paper up in the air and we both watched as it fell down right in front of the camera. Looks like my aim wasn’t the worst somehow. I listened to Mick as he quickly closed the challenge and we both said goodbye before the camera was turned off. “ Now the F1 with annoying questions. ” I let out a sigh as one of the girls got my microphone off, setting me free so I could stand up and wait for Mick to be ready as well.

Our walk over to the official video setup was short, the exact opposite of the wait time we had to endure. We were seated outside the room and asked to wait as they were running late with all the drivers and partners taking longer with the interviews than anticipated. I couldn’t hold back the rolling of my eyes at the woman’s words, but I also knew it was always hard to coordinate a plan that involved so many people. We both sat down with a clearly audible sigh, getting our phones out to at least enjoy this newfound free time. While he chatted away with some people I tried catching up on some work that I planned on doing after this last filming session anyways. I just finished up with the last item on my to-do list when we were finally called in and could start filming.

The questions were unsurprisingly cringy and awkward, touching on personal matters as it usually did with personal interviews. I was counting down the seconds until they seemed content with the amount of questions we answered and finally decided to let us go. I got my own microphone off, having watched enough interviews from the sidelines to know what to do with them, before aiming for the exit as soon as Mick was free as well. The plan was to take the same car back to the hotel anyways, not making it worth it to bolt out of the room if I had to wait for him anyways. We both said our goodbyes with smiles on our faces, that melted off just a second after exiting the room. I could hear Mick let out a sigh as he again looked down at his phone, making me wonder who got his attention so much. He wasn’t the type to be stuck to a screen 24/7 or even for more than a few minutes at a time. Just as I was getting ready to question him about it he finally pocketed the device and turned towards me during our walk to the carpark.

“ Our moms are waiting for us at the hotel restaurant. ” Mick shared this new information with such a calm tone like he was just letting me know that we’re flying home today. I still froze in my spot, my legs refusing to take any more steps that could get us closer to the car and inevitably closer to the hotel restaurant.

“ What do you mean… Why are our moms waiting in the restaurant? Especially together? ” I shook my head, totally dumbfounded by the words he hit me with. “ That’s the last thing I want to happen. ” I told him immediately as he opened his mouth to speak up again. His mom in the proximity of mine could turn out as such a bad idea in so many ways I wasn’t even able to list all of them in my head at that moment.