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jess-rewatches-prodigalson · 4 years ago

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The Last Weekend (S2, E13)

It’s been a trip fam. Hopefully, it continues for a third season. Thanks for sticking with me this far.

My time-stamped thoughts for this episode are below. As always I reference Malcolm’s mental health. A lot. So if that’s going to be a trigger for you, don’t keep reading.

SPOILERS AHEAD:

0:19 - That taxidermy is creepy af.

0:25 - Ok. But like, this is amazing. Look at Malcolm. He’s confused, annoyed, and a little pissed off but he doesn’t actually look scared. He just woke up in a strange place tied to a chair and the last thing he remembers is telling his father to run. He knows his serial killer father kidnapped him but he’s not scared because there’s a part of Malcolm that is so so desperate for Martin to love him. Malcolm is NOT okay. His reaction to being kidnapped by his serial killer father is evidence of that. This dude is not in a good mental place. I'm here for it. This is bad.

0:40 - Groggy, annoyed, and sassy Malcolm is adorable.

0:51 - This is a woman who thinks not telling the NYPD about that Capshaw phone call killed her son. She doesn’t know where Malcolm is right now or if he’s alive. BUT Jessica knows Martin has Malcolm and therefore - Malcolm is not safe. The guilt and fear is oozing from Jessica and I want to hug her. :( <3

1:13 - Again. Malcolm is in danger. Why doesn’t Ainsley seem to be worried? At all?!? This girl’s lack of empathy is genuinely concerning. If my brother was abducted by our abusive father I would be a wreck.

1:25 - “Don’t get cocky.” HA. What a great line. Although, it’s really sad to see how desperate Ainsley is for some attention from her mother. Although, I do love the contrast between this line and the line from 1x3: "You watch my reports?" "Not with the sound on". Jessica really is growing as a parent. I love that for her.

1:31 - “Capshaw is claiming Malcolm was Dad’s accomplice.” WHY ISN'T AINSLEY UPSET ABOUT THIS. SHE’S ACTING LIKE IT’S JUST SOME JUICY GOSSIP. BE ANGRY GIRL. BE SCARED. BE UPSET. THIS IS YOUR BROTHER. At least Jessica is pissed and scared about it.

1:46 - “Cruel eyes.” Has Capshaw ever looked at Malcolm? That boy has the sweetest eyes ever. They’re a gorgeous shade of blue, wide, and expressive. Never cruel. Often fearful. ALSO the fact that Capshaw looks at the window (where she knows Malcolm’s friends are standing) when she says this INFURIATES ME. I want this woman dead. She is the spawn of Satan and you can't change my mind.

1:50 - The way Dani looks at Gil when he says, “You buying this?” is wonderful. This girl is scandalized at the idea that Gil might be buying Capshaw’s story. This girl is team Malcolm and I love her for it. She's so offended at the idea that Gil - the man who's known Malcolm since he was 10 years old - might think Malcolm is a bad guy. <3 <3

1:52 - “Our boy’s crazy, but not that crazy.” <3 <3 <3 Every time JT calls Malcolm “our boy” or “our guy” my heart explodes. I love the evolution of their relationship so so so much. <3 Also JT is giving off major big brother vibes to Dani and Malcolm this episode and I LOVE IT. <3

1:54 - “Good. We all know she’s lying. Problem is we’re the only ones.” This whole scene. *CHEF’S KISS* Seriously, protective!Dani, protective!JT, and protective!Gil in the same scene?!? All going to bat for Malcolm? I’m in love. This is the found family content I’m here for. ALSO look at GIL. This man is so so pissed that someone is trying to paint his surrogate son as the bad guy. Gil is a good man but someone is threatening his family and that means he’s going to break his own rules. <3 I’m here for it. This is the kind of inner turmoil I subscribed to this show for.

2:02 - "Good morning sleepyhead." I have thoughts. 1) If Martin truly cared about Malcolm why didn't he restrain Malcolm on one of those twin beds (where he could actually sleep) instead of tying him to a chair?!?! 2) Look at how hard Martin is trying to act like Malcolm's friend (not even a good friend). He's not acting like Malcolm's dad. A dad or a good friend wouldn't leave a guy who just suffered from an embolism alone and tied to a chair. They'd take him to a hospital, obviously that was out of the question here. So for the sake of this comparison, a good friend/dad would have put Malcolm on the bed, gotten some warm blankets for him, made sure water was close by, and stayed with him until he woke up - to you know, MAKE SURE HE'S STILL BREATHING?!?! BUT not Martin, this dude just waltzes into the room and delivers a mildly condescending yet cheery rendition of "good morning sleepyhead" almost as though Malcolm's unconscious state was a burden to Martin. Even though Malcolm was unconscious because MARTIN DRUGGED HIM (also not good!Dad behaviour).

2:04 - "You drugged me?!?" This breaks my heart. After everything, Malcolm is still surprised (and rightfully annoyed) that his father drugged him. Malcolm knows that Martin is a bad man. He knows Martin has drugged him before. He knows he shouldn't trust Martin but after everything there's still a part of Malcolm desperate to believe that Martin loves him. PLUS one of the last memories Malcolm has before he woke up in this motel is of Martin saving his life. Malcolm was giving in to the "maybe Dad really does love me" mentality. It's heartbreaking and I want to give Malcolm a hug.

2:23 - I find this whole exchange so upsetting yet interesting. Both Malcolm and Martin are being openly hostile to each other. Usually, Malcolm is civil to Martin but right now, Martin is NOT chained to a wall and Malcolm is acting like an argumentative and whiny teenager (and rightfully so but still not a safe move). Martin is matching Malcolm’s mood. Martin is engaging in Malcolm’s frustration with an off-putting amount of cheer. I honestly believe Martin is just ecstatic that he’s been given an opportunity to ‘be a father’ again. There’s also a part of me that is completely convinced that Martin was already hatching his plan to have Malcolm kill him. Why would he do that? My answer: 1) Martin doesn’t want to go back to prison, 2) To finally get revenge on Malcolm for turning him in in 1998, 3) he’s a predatory psychopath and he saw an opportunity to screw with someone, 4) Martin is pissed off that Malcolm keeps trying to distance himself from Martin. Martin see’s it as betrayal and he wants to make Malcolm suffer.

2:25 - THIS. IS. AMAZING. The way Malcolm immediately panics and tries to escape Martin when the switchblade comes out is incredible. You can see Malcolm’s perspective shift. We actually see it flip back and forth all episode. Half the time, Malcolm is a little boy desperately trying to convince himself that Martin has changed and that Martin loves him. The other half of the time, Malcolm is a logical and educated adult who knows Martin is a dangerous killer who is trying to manipulate him. It’s such a compelling dichotomy.

2:44 - “We are the victims here Malcolm.” I absolutely believe that Martin believes this statement. HOWEVER, I also think he’s using the situation to his advantage in an attempt to sway Malcolm’s trust in him.

2:52 - “You’re in a pickle.” This infuriates me. Martin does NOT love or care about Malcolm. What Martin does love - is what Malcolm does for him. ie. Providing him a connection to the real world (visiting him in prison), giving him an outlet for his attention-seeking needs, giving him a plaything to manipulate. Martin views Malcolm as a pet NOT a person and NOT a son. That kills me.

2:55 - “I need to call Gil.” <3 <3 This is absolutely beautiful and terrifyingly stupid. Beautiful because Malcolm is in trouble and his knee-jerk reaction is “Gil can help. I trust Gil. Gil loves me. He’ll listen. He’ll help.” <3 <3 So precious. It’s scary though because it’s no secret that Martin views Gil as a threat to his family. This will make Martin more determined to manipulate Malcolm. Because again, Martin views everything as possessions. He doesn’t actually love Malcolm, Ainsley, and Jessica. He loves the idea of them and what he can do with them. He doesn’t actually care about them though. He only cares about their wellbeing to the extent of how it will affect him. (SIDE NOTE: I’m honestly crushed that we didn’t get a proper Gil+Martin face off during this finale.)

2:58 - “Gil’s great and all.” This man speaketh from his ass. He hates Gil. This is some damn fine manipulation. He’s interaction with Malcolm in a way he knows Malcolm will have a positive reaction. I respect it. It also makes my blood boil (out of love for Malcolm).

3:05 - “Who would you believe?” This hurts. Look at how absolutely crushed Malcolm looks. Malcolm knows no one will believe him. Why would they? He’s the son of a serial killer with well documented mental health issues and well documented issues with rule-following. It’s common knowledge that he’s an intense and weird dude. And it’s all Martin’s fault.

3:07 - “Can we talk?” I’m impressed. First, Martin complements the man he knows Malcolm respects more than anything. Then, he appeals to Malcolm’s insecurities and fears of being ‘The Surgeon’s son’. He does it all calmly, in a comforting tone of voice. This is manipulation at its finest.

3:17 - “You look ridiculous.” This is Malcolm fully aware that Martin just tried to manipulate him. It still hurt Malcolm because those fears about no one believing him are completely rational and a very logical outcome of the scenario but at least Malcolm is aware of Martin’s game.

3:30 - “I’m Clare.” .....Clare = Claremont. Did Martin do that subconsciously or is he aware? I can totally see him accidentally picking that name because after 20 years he’s begun to define himself as a part of the Claremont institution. He’s almost trying to maintain that link to the life he’s become accustom to.

3:35 - “Too insane.” Holy shit. Malcolm sassing Martin is 1) hilarious but 2) super scary because I just keep waiting for Martin to snap and hurt Malcolm for his “disrespectful and ungrateful behaviour”. Malcolm really has no fear in this scene and I’m scared for what that means for his mental state. It’s not good. That much I know.

3:45 - “I’m not your friend.” This broke my heart. Malcolm is so upset as he delivers this little outburst. He can see that Martin is trying to act like his friend instead of a loving father. It’s killing the little boy inside of Malcolm. It’s also frustrating for Malcolm because he wants so badly to do the right thing (turn Martin in) but he also just wants his dad to act like a real dad.

3:55 - The fear in Malcolm’s eyes when Martin brings the knife back out. <3 Gorgeous.

4:00 - The trepidation in Malcolm’s face as Martin cuts him loose. <3 ALSO, “I didn’t kill you. That’s gotta count for something.” why the hell should that count for something now? Martin tried to kill a 10 year old Malcolm. That should be the end. Any FATHER who tries to kill his 10 year old son (no matter what the kid may have done) is a garbage human and that child should never be told he has to forgive, trust, or have a relationship with his father. On some level Malcolm knows this BUT he’s also desperately trying to convince himself that Martin is a changed man.

4:12 - WTF Ainsley? This scene genuinely makes me believe Ainsley has been somehow involved in this whole prison break scheme. Or at least, she’s been in contact with Martin since the escape.

4:43 - “You’ve got to be kidding me.” Okay. Fine. Ainsley is finally showing a bit of fear here. But is it because of the Woodsman? Something tells me Martin has gotten into Ainsley’s head and Ainsely genuinely believes that Malcolm is safe with Martin. The Woodsman changes things though. Maybe the Woodsman was a variable Ainsley wasn’t expecting or didn’t plan with Martin.

5:00 - “Why are we in Vermont?” First of all - there’s something precious about the way this line was delivered. Secondly, why is Malcolm eating? Doesn’t most food make him sick (1x1)? This is a high stress situation - presumably he’d be too nauseous/stressed to eat right now.

5:15 - “That dream’s as dead as your 23 victims.” hahahaha ZING. This line actually hurts though. It’s not just Martin’s dream that’s dead. Malcolm’s is too. Presumably Malcolm has a fantasy somewhere in the back of his mind where he’s happily married with children. Hell, maybe his children visit their grandparents every weekend for Sunday brunch? But Malcolm probably doesn’t actually think he can have kids or a spouse because he’s terrified of what kind of a father and husband he’d be. That’s Martin’s fault. Martin has doomed Malcolm to avoid the deep, meaningful relationships in life that Malcolm clearly craves.

5:25 - “I’m absolutely right” The anger in Malcolm’s voice is incredible and concerning. On one hand, it’s great that he’s being honest with Martin. He’s making Martin work for his trust and he’s communicating that Martin ruined certain aspects of Malcolm’s life. On the other hand, this boy has no sense of self-preservation. He’s provoking a predatory psychopath. He’s almost begging Martin to hurt him. I’m terrified at what that means for Malcolm’s mental health.

5:35 - “Don’t you ever think it’s possible that I changed?” Look at Martin’s big stupid face. He doesn’t believe that he’s changed. He’s just trying to manipulate Malcolm. Martin doesn’t view Malcolm as a son. Just as a plaything.

5:55 - “You want to find a missing woman. That’s your brilliant plan?” It’s an excellent plan. It’s a plan Martin knows Malcolm won’t be able to deny. Martin has observed Malcolm’s obsession with understanding serial killers for 23 years. Martin has watched Malcolm torture himself to save the victims of serial killers. Martin knows this is the one plan that will (at least temporarily) stop Malcolm from turning him in. Malcolm’s need to help other people is stronger than his need to help himself. So again, Martin is a shitty father.

6:19 - “I worked the Woodsman case at the bureau for years.” Of course he did. $100 bucks says Martin knew that and he planned this out before his escape. Capshaw was an inconvenient hiccup in the plan but he was always going to kidnap Malcolm and try to manipulate Malcolm into becoming his partner in crime.

6:42 - “Someone who’s not going to call Gil Arroyo the first chance he gets.” Damn. Martin feels threatened by Gil’s relationship with Malcolm. Which is why an escaped!Martin and Gil showdown would’ve made my year.

6:46 - How convenient that Jeannie is from New York.

6:52 - “But we could save her. Together.” Ugh. This breaks my heart. You can see that Malcolm knows Martin is manipulating him. You can also see that this is an offer Malcolm can’t deny. Saving people and finding/understanding killers is what keeps Malcolm sane. PLUS he desperately wants to spend time with the ‘nice’ version of his dad. The one he remembers from 1998. Malcolm is eating out of the palm of Martin’s hand and it’s so so so upsetting.

7:01 - Why does Gary look so much like Deputy Crutchfield? It’s the moustache.

7:10 - “This is my partner. Cameron.” UGh. I’m going to throw up. 1) Malcolm’s startled expression melts my heart. This boy does not want to be Martin’s partner in any sense of the word. 2) Was Martin implying that Cameron is Clare’s sexual partner? The hand around Malcolm’s shoulders made it feel that way to me.

7:15 - Ugh. :( The way Malcolm looks at the hand on his shoulder. :( You can see how conflicted he feels. He likes the gentle, fatherly physical affection from Martin but he knows that Martin is a killer and this is an act. You can see that Malcolm knows this is all a hoax but you can also see how desperately Malcolm wants to believe in it.

7:45 - OMG. This is a man who hasn’t been in public for a very long time. This is not socially acceptable behaviour and Malcolm looks so embarrassed and scared (that someone will recognize the serial killer making loud noises of pleasure over his pancakes).

7:55 - I love that Malcolm isn’t eating. It aligns with Malcolm’s canonical eating problems. Kudos for the rare plot consistency.

8:13 - “I suppose I’m a little bisexual.” Ugh. Shut up Martin. You absolute moron. You’re not bisexual. You’re just a manipulative nutcase. It does make me wonder though, is this Martin’s way of trying to bond with Malcolm? Like maybe (whether it’s true or not) Martin thinks Malcolm might not be straight and he’s trying to have a father-son coming out of the closet moment? .....it sounds like a reach even in my head but here I am with this theory.

8:39 - The fact that Martin is such a verbal feminist throughout this show is so off putting to me. He’s a serial killer. He has no issues MURDERING people for FUN. Yet somehow it feels like I’m supposed to respect him more than the average man because he believes women are people with rights? Nah. It makes me hate him more because I don’t thinks he’s an actual feminist. I think he’s acting. He’s trying to appeal to what will make him seem more likeable. I think it’s a tactic he uses to soften Malcolm to his manipulation.

8:48 - “I worked this case for years. Almost lost my mind over it.”........okay so I want more details on this. Did the FBI take him off the case? Did he stop working the case because he was fired? Did Gil watch Malcolm become consumed by the case and beg him to take himself off the case?

8:52 - “I called every number at the FBI. You wanted nothing to do with me.” I hate Martin. He’s trying to blame Malcolm. He’s suggesting that more women could have been saved from the Woodsman if Malcolm hadn’t been ignoring Martin while he worked for the FBI. Martin is actually implying that the Woodsman could have been caught years ago if Malcolm wasn’t such a bad son.

8:57 - “...such anger issues. Still do.” I’m going to punch him. I hate Martin. He’s mentally torturing our mental-fragile baby and he’s having fun doing it. Malcolm looks absolutely wrecked and my heart is shattering. Someone needs to give Malcolm a hug. Yesterday.

8:59 - This moment has been giffed but damn is it worth pointing out again. The way Malcolm is self-soothing with his left hand while his right hand shakes is gorgeous. It really shows the depth of Malcolm’s inner conflict. I’m in love with this moment. Give Tom Payne an Emmy. Please.

9:13 - “There’s no time, my boy.” Every word that comes out of Martin’s mouth is calculated and manipulative. He has Malcolm exactly where he wants him and I hate it.

10:05 - I’m 90% sure Martin already knows who the Woodsman is. He’s just playing dumb so he can screw with Malcolm’s head for longer.

10:17 - YES MALCOLM. Stand up to Martin. I love it. It also makes me worry about Malcolm’s mental health but I think we can all agree that Malcolm’s been on a downward spiral for months. At this point, our boy is not going to start improving his mental state until he hits rock bottom.

10:19 - Martin actually looks shocked when Malcolm demands he earn his trust. Like it never occurred to him that Malcolm might be willing to rebuild the trust to begin with.

10:30 - This whole scene between Gil and Ruiz is genuinely one of my top scenes of this episode (maybe even of the season). “The media will crucify him” “You might as well issue a shoot on sight order” “This isn’t a joke” “He has his demons but he’s not his father.” “I’ll stake my career on it.” This is one of the purest Papa!Gil scenes of the season and Malcolm isn’t even present. I love how Gil is literally willing to put his entire career on the line for Malcolm. I love how Gil is fighting for Malcolm in a public setting. Look at how the whole precinct watches the exchange. Gil is putting himself on the line in front of an entire precinct of people who respect him out of love for Malcolm. <3 <3 <3

10:47 - “If he’s still alive.” If. Gil is terrified. Gil is losing hope. This isn’t like Watkins. Gil knows how desperately Malcolm wants Martin’s love and Gil knows that compromises Malcolm’s ability to profile his way out of a dangerous situation. Gil knows that Martin will kill Malcolm. Maybe not today, this week, or this year but it’s part of Martin’s plan. Gil knows that even if Martin doesn’t kill Malcolm - he’s capable of taking Malcolm away forever. Maybe by going on the run but maybe just because he tormented Malcolm to the point where Malcolm regresses to the scared 10-year old that Gil worked so hard to help. Gil knows Malcolm won’t survive that kind of trauma again. At least not mentally. Gil is terrified and I’m in awe.

11:05 - “C’mon kid. Where the hell are you?” Hear that? It’s my heart shattering into a million pieces because this is the type of father Malcolm deserves. The fatherly concern Gil has for Malcolm is everything to me.

11:20 - “Damn his daughter’s smoking.” hahahaha the irony.

11:24 - Why am I so shocked and delighted that Malcolm has an NYPD ID? <3 It makes perfect sense that he’d have one but now I have these headcanons of Gil taking Malcolm around to the accounting office, and the administration offices to get him set up at the NYPD and my heart can’t handle how cute it is.

12:12 - “You brought egg salad.” Ugh. These guys are so artificially in love and it grosses me out.

12:54 - See what I mean? Crutchfield looks like Gary from the motel. I can’t unsee it.

13:12 - Look another moment where Gil is CLEARLY thinking “this family I swear” hahahaha this man is so done with life today

13:44 - “I know that look Jess.” <3 Aww....they’re practically married. <3 Jokes aside, this is amazing. Jessica respects Gil and she stops her plans when she notices the look on Gil’s face. She knows he’s not trying to control her - he’s trying to protect her and her children. He loves them and he’s trying to lighten her load.

15:00 - “It’s your Lieutenant.” there’s a split second when you can see the hope, confusion, and fear clouding Malcolm’s face. For just a moment he thinks Gil is on the phone. Then the deputy says “Clare” and Malcolm’s expression transforms into one of annoyance and disgust.

15:20 - “I didn’t have a credit card.” BAHAHAHAHAHA can we all just agree that talking about porn with your adult children is gross?

15:27 - This. Is. The. Worst. Thing. That. Could. Happen. The headline says “Son of Martin Whitly” and then later we find out Malcolm BRIGHT is on a wanted poster. Malcolm’s privacy from the press has been compromised. His life has been compromised. Nothing will ever be the same. This is bad for Malcolm’s already fragile mental health. His flimsy sense of safety has been forcibly removed and the public is going to crucify him again. Just for being Martin Whitly’s son. People are going to Google him. They’re going to find out he went to Harvard, that he was fired from the FBI, that he has mental health problems (although, Ainsley already exposed that).

15:52 - Damn. It should be illegal for someone’s wanted picture to be that attractive (and I say that as an asexual).

16:00 - “You need a minute?” I love LOVE this interaction between JT and Dani. You can see that JT is a little unsure of how to talk to Dani because he loves her like a little sister and he knows she loves Bright. It’s adorable. <3 Big brother JT is my favourite JT.

16:17 - “I like the guy.” UGH. I’m going to go sob in the corner. <3 <3 This line is AMAZING for two (2) reasons. 1) JT is admitting that he likes Malcolm. The bromance is real and I’m here for it. 2) This is JT subtly telling Dani that he knows she likes Bright as more than a friend and it’s not a bad thing. Malcolm isn’t a bad person and he can understand why she’s attracted to the annoying little dude. <3

16:35 - Why is Ainsley working with Dani and JT? Does she actually want to find them? I still think she’s somehow involved in this.

16:48 - “Did you steal this truck?!?” Good boy Malcolm. Don’t trust him.

17:05 - Martin’s biggest mistake: he underestimated how devoted Malcolm is to his ‘mission’. He wasn’t able to manipulate and subdue Malcolm as quickly as he would’ve liked and now his plan is unravelling because Malcolm is snapping out of his ‘Martin might be good’ trance.

17:19 - “I’m calling Gil. I should’ve known.” <3 I have no words. Just joy.

17:45 - “I do not want my son getting killed because of it.” LIES. Martin tried to kill Malcolm because of it when Malcolm was 10 years old. Martin didn’t care when Malcolm was bullied, shunned, and literally locked in a closet because of Martin. Martin didn’t care that the weight of his crimes destroyed his son’s childhood and continued mental health. Martin. Doesn’t. Care. The problem? Malcolm so so desperately wants to believe that Martin cares about him. You can convince yourself of almost anything if you want to badly enough.

18:13 - Annnnnd Martin’s plan is back on. He’s lied his way back into Malcolm’s tentative good graces and the manipulation is still in full force.

18:18 - The parallel that Martin is going on a stakeout with Malcolm right now and the fact that Gil used to take Malcolm on stakeouts as a kid is overwhelming. Do you think Martin knew about those stakeouts? Is this Martin’s way of trying to prove to Malcolm that he’s a better father than Gil?

18:33 - I DO NOT LIKE THIS. I DO NOT LIKE THIS. I DO NOT LIKE THIS. Capshaw is crazy and I don’t like her alone with my queen Jessica. #stressed

18:37 - “Believe me, I understand.” Ugh. Someone (preferably Gil) hug Jessica. This woman has been repressing her emotions for too long. :(

18:56 - Ooooooooohhhhhh Capshaw just made the biggest mistake of her life. This woman is actively trying to convince the world that Malcolm is just like Martin Whitly and then she said as much to his mother’s FACE. I’m here for the lady fight. Say what you want, but vicious girl fights are so much more entertaining than dudes who just hit each other.

19:29 - Bitch. Jessica regularly mixes pills with alcohol. Research your victim, moron. This isn’t going to work.

19:56 - “You. Always you.” .....isn’t that what Malcolm said to Eve? Ew. ALSO the way Martin dismisses Malcolm’s admittance is very upsetting. If he wanted to prove that he’s a good father he should really pretend to care. At least a little.

20:25 - As far as Martin is concerned, this is a victory. His son trusts him enough to let him out of the car - unsupervised. Martin’s plan is working (as far as Martin knows anyways. Malcolm is still definitely conflicted).

20:43 - I love that Malcolm keeps calling for “Martin”. Not “Dad”. Not “Dr. Whitly” (that would be bad on account of the manhunt). Just “Martin”. This goes back to Malcolm not knowing who “Martin” is to him He’s still trying to figure it out. Hell, he only resorts to calling him “Clare” when he thinks it’s the only way Martin will get back in the truck.

21:15 - “What the hell is he doing?” EXCELLENT question. Seriously - did this moron not recognize the Surgeon and his son? There’s a literal manhunt for these two right now. It’s all over the news. It was playing on the precinct TV only a few hours ago. WHY DID CRUTCHFIELD NOT CALL ANYONE ABOUT THEIR IDENTITIES?!? Isn’t it protocol to call the NYPD about this or a hotline? I’m sure it said as much on the wanted flyers and the news.

22:05 - I’m honestly so stressed that Jessica is tipsy and drugged right now.

22:35 - “Back then I wasn’t a good judge of character. Now I can sniff them out a mile away.” UGH. This honestly gives me PTSD. My mom says the same thing. She married an abusive man and now she claims she’s self-aware and is an excellent judge of character (spoiler alert: she’s not). My mom is about as good at it as Jessica. I mean, anyone remember Endicott? Or Eve?

23:06 - “What was that Jessie?” OMG. I hate Capshaw more with each passing moment.

23:16. - GIL. OH THANK GOD. JESSICA IS GOING TO BE OKAY. EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OKAY. JESSICA DIDN’T GO LONE RANGER ON THIS.

23:34 - Is that a picture of baby Malcolm on the mantle? <3 So cute. <3

24:10 - This bitch is going to jail for a looooonnnng time. Gil Arroyo and Jessica Whitly just heard her admit to torturing their son. She’s going to suffer. I’m happy about it.

24:28 - “Daddy. Daddy.” My heart is breaking. This is a real insecurity that Jessica has about Malcolm. She feels like she’s not enough for Malcolm. That’s why he keeps visiting Martin. That’s why Malcolm was so attached to Gil and Jackie as a kid (and now). Jessica feels inadequate as a mother. That probably contributes to how she emotionally neglects Ainsley. She’s afraid of trying and failing to be enough for both of her children. So she denies herself the possibility of failure by throwing the match.

25:07 - Jessica and Malcolm studying Krav Maga together. Headcannon accepted. My heart swells at the thought.

26:12 - Anyone else think it’s interesting that the picture of baby Ainsley was smashed over Jessica’s head. It just feels too convenient. It has to be some sort of hidden message. Does it mean that Ainsley’s the one who is going to destroy the family? Does it mean Ainsley’s working with Capshaw (or Martin)? It has to mean something. Right?!?

26:34 - “I meant for her sake.” I love Gil. He’s not threatened by the fact that Jessica is a badass. Hell, he thinks it hot. Weak men are intimidated by strong women. Gil’s a keeper.

26:46 - WHUMP. <3

27:15 - This wasn’t part of Martin’s plan but I do genuinely think Martin’s not nearly as scared as he’s acting.

27:38 - Why doesn’t JT introduce Ainsley? Because she’s not law enforcement and she’s not technically supposed to be there?

27:56 - Damn. Ainsley is desperate for attention from anyone. I bet you that’s why she became a reporter. People have to listen to you when your face is on their TV reporting the news.

29:41 - JT is triggered. :( This is PTSD. The last time a gun was pointed at him it was extremely traumatic “I’m a father. I’m a good man and I am not a threat to you.” :( Someone hug him.

29:57 - “But she is.” <3 DAMN. Badass!Dani for the win. <3

30:34 - “Predatory psychopath married an emotionally compromised enabler.” Is this a comment on Jessica and Martin’s marriage? Jessica didn’t consciously enable Martin but her rich lifestyle and the things she was willing to overlook to maintain appearances definitely gave Martin more leeway than he should have had.

30:48 - “You haven’t been in my league for decades.” Yep. Now Martin wants to kill Don. He didn’t need Malcolm to beg him to hurt Don. Martin was already chomping at the bit.

32:00 - “NO.” Malcolm’s not his father. Even now he doesn’t want anyone to get hurt. He tries to protect everyone from physical harm. Even serial killers. That’s a good man.

32:30 - I hated this speech from Ainsley. It felt....artificial? I just can’t see Ainsley actually believing that her Mother is light, kind, and good when she clearly resents her Mother for paying so much attention to Malcolm and neglecting her. This whole speech just felt really out of character to me. It felt like Ainsley was pulling a Malcolm - saying whatever she needed to get the suspect to confess to the truth.

33:43 - “I can’t. Not anymore.” Bullshit. Martin clearly wants to hurt this guy. He just refuses to do it until Malcolm begs. Also, it feels like the show is trying to suggest that this is Malcolm giving into the ‘darkness’ that Ainsley was referring to. I disagree. This is typical Malcolm - consumed by the need to save a victim and solve the case. This is the guy who chopped off a guy’s hand to save his life, the guy who tried to infiltrate a cult to save Andi, the guy who tried climbed out of an elevator shaft to arrest a serial killer. Malcolm just doesn’t care about himself and his mental health isn’t doing so great. That doesn’t mean he’s becoming a killer. He’s not ‘going dark’.

34:40 - “Please. I’m asking as your son.” This wrecked me. 1) Malcolm looks so utterly destroyed here. Anguish is all over his face. You can see him grasping at straws because he’s so desperate to save Jeannie. He’s willing to compromise the idea that his Dad may have changed. Malcolm knows Martin hasn’t changed but asking him to do this will make it real and kill Malcolm’s desperate fantasy of a bio-dad who loves him. 2) Martin is a piece of shit. You can see how utterly delighted he is when Malcolm begs and refers to himself as Martin’s son. Martin views Malcolm as a possession and it delights him to hear Malcolm confirm that possession (”I’m asking as you son.”)

35:00 - Okay. His hand isn’t shaking but look at him. You can’t tell me he’s enjoying this. He looks terrified, guilty, nauseous and I don’t think it’s because he’s suddenly realizing that he and Martin are the same. I think it’s because he just compromised his moral code to save a total stranger. He somehow found it in himself to favour a Jeannie over Don. Yes - Don is a serial killer. Yes - Jeannie is his victim. So, yeah - picking Jeannie over Don is logical but does that make it right? That’s what Malcolm is struggling with. That AND the fact that he just asked his Dad to hurt someone - the screaming is probably bringing back suppressed childhood PTSD from that camping trip in the woods.

35:13 - Another crazy theory for why Malcolm’s hand isn’t shaking. Have you ever been so so so scared/stressed/anxious that you felt nothing? Seriously - it’s like your brain just shuts down everything but life support and your body goes on autopilot. I honestly think that could be happening to Malcolm as a way to cope with the stress.

35:20 - This is Martin pretending to be tormented and I HATE HIM FOR IT. He’s playing with our broken boy and I despise him for it. Hasn’t Malcolm suffered enough?!?!

36:04 - Something tells me that Don’s testimony will be vital to clearing Malcolm’s name next season (yes, I’m in complete denial that this show is cancelled).

37:03 - This hurts. Martin is comforting Jeannie and it’s bringing back childhood memories for Malcolm. Memories of a Dad who used to read him bedtime stories and tuck him into bed at night. Memories that are tainted with the knowledge that Martin is a serial killer. Look at how sad Malcolm is. He’s fully accepting that Martin hasn’t changed and that he never will. He’s letting go of the desperate hope that Martin might love him the way he remembers as a child. He’s remembering that the love he experienced as a child was all a hoax on Martin’s part to begin with.

37:07 - WHEN DID MALCOLM GET A PHONE??!?! WTF.

37:14 - “The bad man is gone now.” Except he’s not. He’s always been here. He didn’t change. He just tried to be cleverer than his son. It failed.

37:52 - Do you know what would have made this scene even more powerful? A flashback to the phone call baby Malcolm made to 911 in 1998.

38:08 - NOW Martin is Dr.Whitly because Malcolm has fully accepted that Martin = The Surgeon = Dr. Whitly. They’re all the same and they all suck.

38:33 - “Maybe I need to work on that.” <3 <3 Yes, get sober sweetheart. Your dependance on alcohol and pills is not healthy.

38:45 - This Gillica moment will live forever in my heart. I swear I’ve never shipped to people so hard while fully wanting them to be my parents.

38:51 - OMG. Of fucking course it’s Edrisa. <3 hahahahaha

39:29 - The fact that Malcolm gave Jeannie his jacket is so cute to me. Just more proof that Malcolm’s a good guy.

39:57 - Looks like the Claremont cardio program is lacking. (I’m so mean).

40:08 - I love this whole exchange between Martin and Malcolm. 1) I fully believe that Martin is genuinely upset that Malcolm turned him in (the dude doesn’t want to go back to prison - fair enough). 2) Malcolm just looks so broken as he listens to his father rant. You can see how bad Malcolm feels for turning his own father over to the cops. Again. The guilt is consuming Malcolm. Very bad for his flimsy mental health.

40:22 - “You made me become him again.” Okay. Stay in your lane Martin. Let’s not victim blame here. You’re a monster. You’ve been manipulating Malcolm all day and you’re still at it. You wanted to hurt Don but you want to hurt Malcolm more.

41:11 - “This world isn’t for you.” My heart is shattering. You can hear the pain in Malcolm’s voice. This isn’t a conversation anyone should have to have with a parents. Especially not when you’re already wracked with guilt and mental health issues that you’re not coping with.

41:20 - “Dad. Listen to me. I’m trying to save you.” THIS. THIS is the show. For two years we’ve watched Malcolm try to empathize and understand killers because he’s desperate to save his father and alleviate his guilt for turning Martin in.

42:00 - “I was a good father. But you, you were never a good son.” ...............this is bad. Shit. This. Is. Bad. This is going to torment Malcolm for the rest of his life. He is going to constantly question “should I have been nicer to Ainsley? Should I have been more obedient? Should I have shown more of an interest in medicine? Would that have stopped that from killing? Did he kill because I wasn’t a good enough son?” Logically Malcolm will know none of that is true but it won’t matter because pain isn’t always logical.

42:26 - 1) Damn. This family is stabby. 2) holy shit holy shit holy shit. 3) I’m shook. I fully expected it but I’m still shook. It was self defence but that won’t matter. Sure, there’s a 90% chance that Malcolm won’t suffer legally for this but there’s a 100% chance this is going to ruin Malcolm’s life. The guilt is going to swallow him whole. His mental health is going. to reach an all time low. The media will crucify him. No one will look at him the same. He won’t be able to go anywhere without people making assumptions about him. He’s going to be transported back to 1998 - this time with more trauma. It’s not going to be good (and I’m ecstatic at the thought of it because I’m an emotional whump whore).

42:40 - His hand’s not shaking. I honestly think it’s because he’s in shock because Malcolm still looks like hell. He’s dissociating. If this triggers a mute!Malcolm episode I’m going to be the most excited person in the world.

42:46 - “I was right. We’re the same.” This was Martin’s master plan. He knew once he escaped Claremont there was no going back. He didn’t want to go back to prison so he found a way to get himself killed (I’m assuming this kills Martin because that’s a lot of blood). No only did he plan to either 1) be on the run forever or 2) die trying - he made sure that he could torment Malcolm as much as possible along the way. This sentence is going to destroy Malcolm. That sentence has been his greatest fear for 23 years. Now he thinks it’s true. It doesn’t matter that he stabbed out of self-defence. Fear isn’t logical. This is a big problem.

43:12 - “Bright? What did you do?!?” ..................It’s been 3 days and I still can’t handle this sentence. You can see the shock on Dani’s face and the fear in Malcolm’s eyes. He looks like a cornered animal. He thinks she’s going to arrest him - he knows she has to. He thinks he just ruined his chances at a happy ending with Dani. He’s realizing all at once just how bad his life is about to get. AND DANI - she doesn’t believe he’s a killer but that doesn’t mean she’s not scared for him. The dude looks like he’s in the middle of a mental breakdown plus the legal issues - it’s not going to be a good day.

I CAN’T BELIEVE THE SEASON ENDED LIKE THIS. I HATE IT. I LOVE IT. I’M CONFLICTED. I HAVE SO MANY FEELINGS. I WANT CLOSURE AND THIS JUST GAVE ME MORE QUESTIONS. UGH. THANK GOD FOR AO3.

I sincerely hope another network picks us up for a third season - I’ll be back if they do. If not - thanks for hanging out with me. I’ve had fun and this show will always have home in my heart.

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well-shit-im-a-morosexual-now · 4 years ago

Note

I'm here, queer, and I want a summary for the new lesson (whenever you get around to playing it of course)!

-35 Anon

NEW FIC + LESSON 44 SUMMARY

Hii! I'm sorry this took like a week BUT as an apology/compensation I wrote a lil' something based off this lesson :D ;

Familiar Strangers

Mammon gets a little more time with the strange angel his little brothers picked up and picks up a few things of his own.

ok ok so this lesson holy shit??? This is probably one of my favourite lessons!? It just gives so much and ahhh it was so good! It gives more angel backstory and lore, shows what got Levi into anime in the first place and answers the question I asked in the previous lesson summary; about why Mammon made a pact with MC in the first place when he said in lesson 43 that he wouldn't make a pact with a random human. And look i'm too excited to wait to reveal this in the end (plus with the way om lessons are structured there won't be a big reveal, just a gradual realisation) so im gonna reveal it here immediately.

LESSON 44 SPOILERS

MC once again fucked up the timeline :')

MC's the one who got Levi into anime in the first place. (but the only reason they got him into anime was cause they already knew he liked anime but he liked anime only because they got him into it and so on and so on, one whole horrid circle)

A time paradox was already in play at the very beginning of S1, meaning MC's first meeting with the brothers was never in S1 but instead thousand of years before the main storyline even began. Meaning MC was never a random human and holy shit???????

I'll talk more about MC and Mammon's pact after I summarise everything, as well as about their sins and their lives in the Celestial Realm Vs the Devildom cause everything is blowing my mind . Additionally, even though Mammon shares more or less equal screentime with his brothers in this lesson it adds a ton of character depth to him and i adore it.

Ok so the lesson starts with;

Mammon, Beel, Satan & MC bursting into Asmo's room. Mammon yelling about how he's gonna kill Asmo cause of the leak, only to find his room empty. They check his bathroom (which in my humble opinion is the first place they should have checked, but then again this is asmo so maybe they wanted to keep that as the worst case scenario option), MC says they should turn the water off immediately and mammon confirms that yeah if lucifer is actually still alive and finds out about this all of them will be murdered on the spot. They find Asmo passed out in the bathroom. MC uses the healing spell they learn back in s2 to take away some of his pain. All 3 brothers seem very worried and when Beel asks Asmo if he's okay, he says that he's not but that MC kissing him may make him better (my man's on his death bed and still tryna smash, an absolute icon). Mammon immediately tells Asmo to go die, and Beel says he shouldn't have worried about Asmo cause it was a waste of energy. and look that instant turnabout is peak comedy :'). Asmo calls them out on being assholes and that he does still feel dizzy and Satan says that if he's able to joke about he's fine. Asmo says that he still wants to sleep it off and that he wants MC with him. Satan once again proving that he's the best brother says that him and Mammon will go make soup, Beel will clean the bathroom and that MC can take Asmo to bed. Asmo gushes about how good Satan is and Satan blushes (a year ago this sentence would have been so messed up wtf happened). in bed MC ends up telling Asmo all about their day and Asmo gets sad about not being able to go to the cafe, MC complains about Simeon being a sadist who put them to work (or they can invite Asmo to come the next time) and Asmo says he's jealous that he wasn't there to see them all suffer. Asmo says that while he was asleep he had a dream that he was still an angel and that it's been so long since he's seen Michael who was stunningly beautiful and who was gushing about lucifer, and that he was glad he didn't run into raphael cause he scared him. MC falls asleep while Asmo talks.

MC is woken up in a bright forest by angel Asmo, who asks them what they were doing sleeping in a place like that and says he has never seen MC before. MC can ask him what he's doing dressed like an angel or can ask him if he's actually asmo. He basically says either i've always looked like this unless you're talking about my nails which i painted a different colour or duh obviously you know who i am, who doesn't. He then asks MC who they are. They can ask him if he has forgotten them or if he's kidding. He says either that if they'd met before he wouldn't have forgotten them or that he always means what he says even if people think he's kidding and then asks for their name. MC can ask if they are dreaming - Asmo takes it as them flirting with him/using a cheesy pickup line which he thinks is adorable - or they can ask where they are - the celestial realm. Asmo asks them if they work for Raphael cause Asmo had snuck into the human world to go to 'something called a party' which he had never been to before and that he'd had a lot of fun. But that raphael says 'it's a wicked and immoral thing'. He then asks MC what they think. MC gets to either say that it's up to him to decide or to agree with raphael. If you choose the first option Asmo is suprised, and then says that since it was so much fun it'd be a tragedy never to experience it again and that he thinks he should be allowed to have fun. Asmo had found MC while he was hiding from Raphael who was pissed about the party. Asmo goes to propose something to MC but gets cockblocked by Beel. Asmo asks beel if he could open the celestial realm gates, beel says no and then asks who the fuck MC is. Asmo introduces Beel as a cherubim and a guardian of the gates of the Celestial Realm. And says that Beel is a very famous angel, and that there's a rumour that lucifer recommended Beel to be promoted to seraphim. Beel says that lucifer hasn't mentioned it to him and that it's just a rumour. Beel asks MC if they are okay and if Asmo has tried anything on them cause Asmo hits on anything that moves. Asmo gets pissed and says that it's not that he'd happily sleep with anyone but that he cares about who they are and that he feels love towards everyone he meets. And that the reason everyone loves him so much is cause he loves everyone due to his ability to see the good in people. Beel changes the subject by telling MC they look hungry and offers them a few sweets he got from Michael. MC basically goes wtf why aren't you eating them. He says he's not hungry and that he has eaten too much recently and gained weight and is now on a diet. MC probably looks like they had a stroke cause Beel asks if they are okay. MC tells him that they like the fact that he eats a lot. Beel blushes before asking Asmo if that's a compliment and if he's supposed to thank MC. Asmo who's pissed off snaps at beel about MC and Beel flirting while ignoring him. Beel says he came here looking for belphie.

Beel proceeds to shake a tree until Belphie falls out... Belphie takes one look at MC and asks what the fuck a human is doing in the celestial realm (i forgot that this was back when he still liked humans and thought we were back to square one and he was about to start throwing hands). MC can say 'You think I lool like a human?' vs "Excuse me? What are YOU doing here?'. for the second option Belphie just says screw you I asked first. For the first he's confused that they are not, Asmo saves MC's ass either by telling Belphie to go get his eyes checked while Beel says MC's an angel. Belphie says he does detect angelic vibes from MC (Lilith's bloodline???) but also something humanlike. Asmo says Belphie probably senses that cause all he ever thinks about are humans and Belphie says it's cause humans are interesting and wishes he was born as a human. Asmo yells at Belphie not to say things like that cause if Raphael finds out they'd be in trouble. Beel asks what they are gonna do about their new lost angel and Asmo asks if they can keep MC. Belphie says no cause they're supposed to bring lost angels to Lucifer (how often do angels get lost????). MC gets to choose whether they want to go with Beel, Belphie or Asmo to find lucifer. I chose Beel cause he was anyway going back to Lucifer with Belphie (⚡⚡Efficiency🌟🌟) which is when belphie finds out lucifer's looking for him cause he skipped a meeting. '???' cuts in with a "Mmhm, I THOUGHT I heard some awfully familiar voices..." it turns out to be Mammon who's been looking for all of them (minus MC for a change and isn't that the weirdest thing to happen in all this).

Asmo scolds Mammon for scaring him and tells him not to appear outta thin air like that (that's such a 'Lucifer Trait' tho that i don't think we've seen from Mammon before?) - Mammon says he'll do what he wants. He then asks if MC is Asmo's 'newest plaything'. Asmo says no but can you imagine tho😍 After Belphie and Beel introduce MC as a lost angel, Mammon sounds oddly skeptical and says he's never heard of an "MC" before. Beel introduces Mammon as a throne who acts as Lucifer's assistant. He says that Mammon can be trusted cause outta all the thrones he's Lucifer's most trusted. Asmo says that Mammon used to be a troublemaker and that Michael hadn't known what to do with him but that he's grown into someone who, more than anyone else in the Celestial Realm, can do anything he puts his mind in to. Mammon says he doesn't like the way Asmo introduced him and Belphie says it's true though cause they all thought Mammon was just a step away from being cast out (fdshgfwdygds explains why Lucifer worries so much over Mammon in the present cause he's gone back to being a troublemaker). MC can ask about 1.) the being cast out thing - Mammon says the others are exaggerating even though things have changed. 2.) being a throne - blushing Mammon says that he was an archangel and that Lucifer recommended him as a throne. 3.)question him about being able to do anything - he snaps at them for looking disbelieving and says he's talented. Belphie says mammon used to be awful and ngl these made me laugh - mammon brought back pigeon feathers from the human world and tried to sell them to the lower rank angels by telling them they were Raphael's feathers, he also ordered around the army of angels for fun and said he was playing angel chess. Mammon says they were just innocent pranks and were no big deal and MC ever the enabler agrees with him. Mammon says it seems like MC's actually got some sense and says he likes them and that they're cool. Mammon then stutters and asks MC why they're staring at him 'like that' and imagine the amount of shit going through MC's head at seeing Mammon like this? From all the brothers he's arguably the one they're closest with (even if it's not in a romantic sense) so seeing him in a world where he's respected by his brothers and has this kinda calm confidence that he doesn't have as a demon, imagining what must have happened between then and the present for things to change the way they have, finding out he's still a troublemaker, still wholly Mammon, and just has to squash down those urges here, remembering all the times the more responsible side of him came out as a demon and getting to see a version of himself where that side is more prominent. Seeing him so easily say that he likes them without any of the protests he had as a demon. Realising that Mammon's more 'tsundere' characteristics are all a defense mechanism to protect himself from opening up and being hurt and that in the present after realising they genuinely care about him he starts dropping them. realising that as both an angel and a demon he took a look at them and thought 'this one, i like.' Just!??? Ah. :). Anyway back to the chapter- He starts blushing and tells them to stop staring. Belphie asks Mammon if he wants to be like Lucifer, blushing Mammon asks so what if he does. Belphie says that's never gonna happen so he should give up while he's ahead (made me wanna punch him) and that Mammon is not Lucifer and is instead Mammon and that he can't become something he's not (made me wanna hug him). Mammon tells Belphie to shut up and asks why he cares anyway and that with enough time one day he might do it and that he doesn't care what belphie says and that they should just watch him. and isn't it sad that Mammon will never get that time, and yeah it's a good thing that now as a demon he's just being Mammon without trying to be lucifer but he was never given the time to figure that out for himself and it explains all the issues/complexes Mammon has regarding Lucifer and shit imagine losing MC to the man he respects and loves but who he will always see himself as second best to and who he was always trying to reach, the man he believed he could have become until the fall and until he gave up and let his sin and his more real self takeover?? Since Mammon never had the time to realise that it's better to be yourself than someone else if MC ends up choosing Lucifer he'll always have that 'what if' in the back of his head and that shit hurts dude. MC can then say something about them all really loving Lucifer, Mammon blushes and stutters and said that nobody said anything about loving lucifer. Beel, Belphie and Asmo all say they love Luicfer (but not his lectures). Mammon growls and says he hates them and Asmo calls him out on being really obvious about loving lucifer as well, Mammon blushing says he doesn't. Or they can tell Mammon they're rooting for him. He's suprised and then stutters and blushes and asks if they really will. Then still blushing and stuttering he tells MC to stop staring at him like that again. MC's such a pining idiot i can't handle it. Beel changes the subject and asks why Mammon was looking for them. Lucifer had sent Mammon to find the twins cause Beel never returned with Belphie. He also tells Asmo that Raphael was walking around with his spear looking for him. He then calls them to head to the Celestial Palace. Asmo says that if the Seraphim find out about MC it'll make things worse and who knows what they'll do to all of them. They decide they should hide MC someplace.

Inside the palace Mammon yells at MC to stop looking at everything with wide eyes (did this happen before? when he was showing them around the devildom during the first lesson? I can't remember but my love for parallels is praying it did) cause they're already sticking out by being a bunch of high ranking angels gathered together. Asmo tells Mammon he needs to be nicer. He says that there's no reason to worry cause Lucifer and the others are on the higher floors. Belphie says that this makes it the perfect spot to hide when they wanna skip work. MC says that even angels need a break sometimes. Asmo says the seraphim are bossy and never cut them any slack. Beel asks MC if they are close to any other angels. If MC says Luke no one knows who that is cause the baby hasn't been born yet🥺. If MC says Simeon, Belphie's surprised and Beel says that outta all the Seraphim Simeon's the most easygoing. AND holy shit??? During the last lesson Simeon said he was an archangel which means that he was demoted at some point?????? And considering how close he was with Lucifer and possibly the others as well,,,,,,,,,,could it be possible that he was demoted after the fall? That though he didn't come with them he helped them escape in someway? or looked aside while they escaped? or knew about Lilith and her human? Or knew Lucifer was becoming more disillusioned? Belphie says it's not that Simeon's easygoing but rather that the others are too intense. Mammon asks if they should hand MC over to Simeon and Asmo says another Seraphim would spot them before they reached him. They stop outside their secret room aka the slacking off room. When the door is opened MC and possibly Beel get drenched in water while Belphie, Asmo and possibly Mammon manage to jump away. "???" says that to get entry they need to say the secret phrase.

belphie asks if they really need a secret phrase and levi says they never know when the seraphim will show up, mammon says that if they do show up a secret phrase wouldn't stop them from coming inside. Levi says whatever and asks who MC is. Asmo scolds him for the way he worded the question but still introduces MC. Levi suspects that MC is one of Michael's agents who was sent to verify that levi is 'as much of an useless waste of space as I seem to be'. MC snaps 'That's not true!' and Levi is startled and blushes. And Mammon, holy shit Mammon says what in my humble opinion is one of the funniest lines in the series,: "That's right, Levi. It's not true. I mean, just look at MC's face... See that absentminded stare... like there's nothin' going on upstairs? Does that look like the face of one of Michael's agents? I don't think so." WHY did he have to come for MC so hard!???? this came literally outta nowhere and it made me laugh so hard??? Worst of all? it made me realise a horrid horrid truth; Mammon considers himself a morosexual I'm in tears???? Levi says it's better to be absentminded than to be a waste of space. Belphie says that Levi commanded Lotan and the army of angels in the war against the demons and was basically their general. Beel says that now that the Celestial Realm is at peace Levi feels like he has no purpose. Asmo says that someone from the younger generation took over the Devildom which is why the war ended, though Mammon says the transition isn't official yet. Levi tells them to shut up and Mammon tells him that sitting around being grumpy wouldn't do anything and that he should at least enjoy them being at peace. Levi says that he doesn't wanna hear that crap from Mammon cause Mammon being Lucifer's favourite means he can be an airhead and still have his future secured, while levi would be a dead weight, a leach and a burden to the entire realm without a war to fight (and i mean a lot of what levi said is pretty messed up but Mammon did get promoted from a warrior to Lucifer's right hand possibly after the war was over? while Levi's still a general in a realm at peace). When mammon gets pissed off at Levi's comment the others say that considering this isn't the first time that levi got into one of these moods mammon should just ignore him. Levi immediately latches onto that and says that they shouldn't interact with an useless bore of an angel like him cause it's just a waste of time. MC suggests that Levi find something else he can be passionate about and he says that there's nothing else for him. MC can recommend either anime or manga. since he doesn't know what these are MC then explains it to him in detail. he's interested but doesn't think a boring angel like him could actually get interested in anything like that (oh baby...). Belphie and Asmo are surprised that MC seems to know so much about the human culture when even Belphie doesn't know this much. '???' voice finds them and says it's interesting how much free time they seem to have. Kinda sad to find out that Levi got into anime cause he needed something to make him feel less useless in the aftermath of a war...

The brothers all freak out about being found by lucifer, who yells at Mammon for not bringing the twins to him and at Beel for not bringing Belphie and then at Belphie for oversleeping and missing the meeting and at Asmo, who he says should take care of the situation before he finds himself at 'the pointy end of Raphael's spear. do you think the Seraphim have divisions that they each head? Lucifer doesn't seem inclined to punish Asmo for breaking the rules like he would have in the Devildom and rather lets Raphael take care of it. Mammon trained under Michael before he met Lucifer - so when he was an archangel. And now as an archangel Simeon works for Michael. It's implied previously in this lesson that Lucifer had other thrones working for him. So? Lucifer then asks who MC is. MC says 'I know you' which makes Lucifer's affection meter go up but he says duh obviously you know me, everyone does (and I mean this in the most affectionate way possible but like what a fucking asshole). Asmo introduces MC as a lost angel and says they were planning to find Lucifer. Lucifer asks if they decided to hide MC cause they were scared the other seraphim would find out and this brings up so many questions - How mean exactly are the other seraphim? We know that the brothers are scared of Lucifer but comparatively Asmo's terrified of Raphael and Mammon of Michael. What exactly would the others do to a lost angel? Ik they said simeon was the most easygoing but is it possible Lucifer's the nicest? I mean he did adopt 6 oddball angels, he seems to be trying to help them rise through the ranks, he seems to deal with lost angels regularly, he knows about their slacking off room and hasn't told the others (to be fair tho if anyone needs a slacking off room it's lucifer), they trusted him not to get mad about their room and about the weird 'angel' they found... Mammon changes the subject by asking Lucifer if he was supposed to be heading down to the devildom, when Levi asks why he'd go there, Lucifer says the price is asking to meet with him. Lucifer's says he doesn't like going but that it's his job and that he doesn't have a choice. with the free 50 pulls I got the devilgram about this first meeting and holy shit?? Lucifer was such a bitch and Diavolo STILL took one look at him decided 'damn I'm gonna love this man'?????????? Also the prejudice the angels have against the demons is just??? Lucifer was surprised that education was a thing in the devildom????? The fact that diavolo wanted not just peace but to build a bridge between the three realms and lucifer didn't believe him cause 1.) ew demons are evil but more importantly 2.) 'if that was possible why hasn't my father tried to achieve that?' - just them showing lucifer slowly starting to question everything he was brought up with and his father who looked up to and practically hero-worshipped?? The symbolism of Lucifer finding the devildom clothes he was provided with more comfortable than his angel's armour? Lucifer warming up to diavolo in the end and i dunno guys it was such a good devilgram. i also got the devilgram where lucifer gets jealous of Barbatos, sulks about it, then whines to MC and finally tries to bake cookies for Diavolo... it's not significant to anything i just needed to say that out loud. Back to the main storyline; MC can ask him whether he doesn't like demons or whether he doesn't want to go the devildom. his answer to both is basically 'ew of course not'. He then tells MC he'll ask Michael to help them. MC tells him to have fun with Diavolo and to be friendly. Lucifer is shocked cause it almost sounds like MC knows Diavolo, and he says they're odd cause he feels like even though he just met them it doesn't really feel like that. Asmo agrees and says when he talks to MC it feels like he's talking to someone very dear to him. Mammon's surprised it's not just him who feels that. Belphie says it's a mysterious feeling and Beel says maybe they've all met somewhere before. Levi says maybe MC reminds them of someone they know. Belphie says: "Hey, wait a second. Does MC remind you of Li-" He's cut off by the whole screen going white and '???' saying 'oh dear, what a mess...'

The voice laments about how often Solomon messes shit up, and asks how he could possibly create food that has odd effects on both humans and demons, and that it can't even be classified as food anymore and should be considered a magic potion. They say that Solomon doing these kinda shit without even realising is the worst part. The voice says that MC's consciousness was sent to the past through their dreams cause of Solomon's cooking and that solomon had created an immortality elixir by accident too once. the voice says that despite being a decent human with a good head on his shoulders Solomon can sometimes be more troublesome than the demons cause despite the way he acts he doesn't actually understand his own power. The voice says they'll send MC back home and that they'll forget everything that happened but the effect they had on the brothers as angels will carry on to the future and that in order to ensure the effect doesn't have negative consequences someday the voice will keep an eye on MC from now on. And that the voice will have to think about Simeon as well. They say goodbye until they meet MC again. MC wakes up next to a sleeping Asmo in his bed. When Beel tells them they're finally done cleaning up the bathroom MC tells him they had a wack dream but that they can't remember what it was, Beel says maybe it's something they're better off forgetting. There's a locked chapter that i can't open :')

The lessons over but I've got notes so hear me out!

1. ) The paradox of Mammon and MC's pact- in the previous lesson Mammon said he doesn't make pacts with random humans except as far as we knew then MC was a random human when he made the pact with them. Mammon being the fastest of the brothers also means he could have easily gotten Goldie back without making the pact. This lesson reveals that MC was never a random human and that they'd met thousands of years prior to their 'first meeting' and though neither Mammon nor MC would have remembered that meeting the effect of it would have still carried on. The effect of MC supporting Mammon's schemes and his dreams, the effect of him being flustered by them, of them staring at him in a way that made him blush, of him deciding he liked them, of him feeling like he already knew them and being able to comfortably tease them. And it's probably all of this that led Mammon to make a pact with them. Except MC was stared at him and supported him as an angel cause they already knew him and cared about him as an angel cause they had a pact together and were friends. tldr; the only reason Mammon made a pact with MC was cause they were familiar to him, the only reason they were familiar to him was cause they were nice to him when he was angel, and the only reason they were nice to him as an angel was cause they already had a pact with him and were friends and so on and so on.

2. ) They have so much freedom in the Devildom holy shit??? They went from having a council of scary vaguely sadistic control freaks to just one. They can do whatever they want without any real consequences while in the Celestial Realm a party was seen as something evil? None of them have any real duties in the devildom while they were so busy in the celestial realm they needed a secret room to slack off

3. ) the seraphim seem so much more controlling than diavolo? I mean the man takes any excuse to throw a party and is currently whining about not being allowed to go the human world. While in the celestial realm just talking about wanting to be human is a punishable offence. And yeah sure you could say that I'm comparing the past celestial realm vs the current devildom and that the current celestial realm has probably eased up a lot EXCEPT 01.) in the devilgram with Lucifer's and Diavolo's first meeting Diavolo seems exactly the same as he currently is. 02.) Luke - who is a fairly new angel- 's attitude when he first arrives in the devildom is scarily similar to Lucifer's attitude in the devilgram where he first meets Diavolo 03.) the angel event proves that the Celestial Realm still has a set view on what angels should be like and that the brothers never fit this view

4.) Forming of their sins - the brothers were definitely the odd ones out in the celestial realm even if they were pretty famous and they all had less intense versions of their sins even back then. MC who knows them for only their sins, reinforced them when they were angels which probably led to them embracing these sins more, which would have helped with their fall and with fully developing their sins

5. ) I feel like we might actually get to see michael???? They've been dragging and teasing about finally meeting him for so long.

Pls come talk to me about this lesson! I'm desperate rn i need to hear more thoughts and theories!

#asks #answers #obey me spoilers #obey me #obey me shall we date #shall we date? obey me!#swd obey me #obey me!#obey me mammon #om! mammon #swd mammon #mammon x mc #mammon x reader #my fics #my fic #fics #fic

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gender-snatched · 4 years ago

Note

skdjdksk yeah I also have adhd and I can only listen to podcast either when I'm doing the dishes or when I'm playing stupid games on my phone/laptop, but I can't just listen to podcasts, it'd kill me.

here are a few recs of short podcasts that I really like:

- The Edge of Sleep, 8 episodes 20-30min each, real world apocalyptic (not very scary, a few tension high moments, and I think there's a few (ligh-ish) jumpscares as well? it's been a while since I've listed

- Dreamboy, 8 episodes 30-40min except the finale that's an hour, it's?? a weird one tbh. the main character's gay and I think there's a few other queer characters. there's one (gay) sex scene (that I remember, there may be two?) and it's for sure rated M or R. listen with headphones if you do listen at all

- The Two Princes, there's three seasons, S2&3 are exclusively on Spotify and k don't remember how many episodes there were? but I think there were 8-12 per season. it's real sweet, about these two princes from opposing kingdoms who have this one profecy in common, and it's very gay and sweet and the music is fucking amazing

- They Say a Lot of Things, 10 episodes 20min each, it's about this one haunted abandoned house in this one small town and ghosts and it's fun. a bit spooky but not actually scary. some minor jumpscares mostly because someone yells and it gets suddenly very loud, but you can usually see it coming

- Brimstone Valley Mall, 10 episodes 20-30min, it's about a group of demons that work in a mall and are in a band and get ready to welcome the year 2000 with a concert in hell for Satan. it's fun filled with 90s/early 00s references and humour

- The Strange Case of the Starship Iris, 15 episodes (so far, S2 is still updating) 30-50min, it's about this girl investigating why the starship she was stationed in blew up and there's apparently been a cover up and there's espionage and it's got star trek-y feels and it's fun

some I haven't listened to but are on my list:

- Bubble

- Borrasca

- The Lost Cat Podcast

- Wolf 369

- Dead My Dearest

- The Bright Sessions!! I actually started this one, I have to go back to it, it's really fucking good. it's about a therapist who's clients all have superpowers and absolutely everyone is queer

- Mission to zixx

- The Magnus Archives, a classic, it's the next thing on my list

and a special mention to a few that I have/am listening to and aren't short at all:

- Sawbones, medical podcast by a doctor and her husband talking about curious medical related things. you don't have to listen to the whole thing if you don't want to, you can just scroll through the titles and check out the ones that seem interesting to you. they cover a topic per episode, usually talking about the history of said topic until they arrive at the present and whether it's something that we still do/use today, if it really works, etc.

- Wonderful! Griffin and Rachel McElroy talk about things they like and they're sweet. it's just a lightheaded podcast of two people sharing things they like

- My Brother My Brother and Me, you may know the McElroy brothers, well this is their podcast. it's just the three of them goofing around, answering dumb questions and being funny for an hour

I'm gonna stop now but!! I hope you like some of them <3

- j

Thank you!!! I really need to listen to season 3 of TTP

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baldwin-montclair · 5 years ago

Text

Baldwin’s Nightingale (Part 8)

Characters: Baldwin Montclair/OC

Timeframe: After the S1 Finale, TV Show canon MOSTLY (some S2 and Shadow of Night).

Summary: Baldwin deals with the fallout of his decision to protect Alisha himself.

Tag requests: @christi14 @poemfreak306 @pookie-cleary

PART 1

PART 2

PART 3

PART 4

PART 5

PART 6

PART 7

———

“Alisha,” Baldwin handed the photos back to Marcus and turned to give her a look of concern, “you need more sleep, it’s still early.”

“I can’t sleep anymore, I need to do stuff. What’s that about?” She nodded to the items Marcus was now hiding in his bag.

“Family matters, very dull and very much not your problem.”

“But-“

“You’re hungry,” Baldwin cut her off walking over to stand in front of her, “you didn’t eat a lot yesterday.”

“I’m not hungry.” She assured him.

“That wasn’t a question.”

“What aren’t you telling me?”

“Alisha!”

She sighed, knowing that she was pushing against a brick wall. If she was ever to find anything out, she had to abandon this route.

“I guess I could eat,” she relented, “and clearly you both have something to talk about so I’ll leave you to it.” She took a step as though she was headed to the kitchen but he caught her hand.

“And where do you think you’re going?”

“To make breakfast. Is it stupid to ask you both if you want anything?”

“I’m more of a liquid breakfast guy.” Marcus joked.

“We’re fine and you are doing no such thing. Go take a long, relaxing shower and I’ll have something you’ll like ready for when you’re done.”

“Go take a shower? Do I smell so bad?” She asked them with a hint of offence.

“If only,” Baldwin mumbled to himself, “now please, do as I ask?”

“I need clothes!”

“Walk-in, first wardrobe on the left, I had some delivered yesterday.”

“You bought me new clothes?”

“Don’t worry, I didn’t choose them, Christina did!”

“I’m such an asshole, I didn’t even ask, how is she?”

“Still a vampire, so mostly recovered. She’ll be by later, wants to check up on you.”

“Good, I’d like to see her, and maybe also see what’s on Michael’s drive?”

“Long day.” Marcus commented.

“One thing at a time,” Baldwin answered pointedly, “go.”

“Yes, my Lord.” She hit back with sarcasm with an awful curtsy.

“Don’t say that, he might like it!” Marcus scrunched up his noise in disgust.

“Might?” Baldwin didn’t look at Marcus but instead gave Alisha a mischievous wink followed by a nod of the head in the direction of his huge walk-in closet.

“She seems better than yesterday at least.” Marcus commented when she was out of earshot.

“It’s been a long, hellish, few days for her. She’s strong, she’ll survive this!”

“Then, what? You just wave her off after her testimony at the congregation? Wish her well and go your separate ways?”

“I can feel you straining for a point Marcus and it’s painful to endure. Out with it!”

“Last night was a mistake! When she does finally go face Gerbert and Domenico, they will smell you all over her. I don’t care how long or relaxing a shower she takes, your claim is very much on her!”

“And I believe I told you not to discuss matters you don’t understand. I have put no claim on her, I have neither fed on her, nor have I possessed her in any other way!”

“You didn’t even hesitate, when Guillermo had her by the throat. I saw it, you didn’t weigh up what killing him could cost.”

“Just because it appears I act without thought, does not mean it’s not happening.”

“I know your mind works fast Baldwin, I’m telling you, there was nothing going on but animal fury. I’ve seen you in battle, and fighting with Matthew but I have never seen that expression before. You weren’t calculating, your brain was not engaged, it was primeval!”

“Please drop the poetic flourish. Like I said, he harmed someone under my roof and protection, yes, I was angry!”

A beep from a cell phone nearby alerted his attention and he picked it up to see the caller ID.

“Fuck,” he swore, “of all the things I don’t need right now!”

“Who is it?” Marcus asked but Baldwin had already hit the button to pick up the call

“Agatha.” Baldwin answered.

“Where is she?” The daemon responded, just as curtly.

“Miss Black is under the protection of the Knights of Lazarus, she will be delivered to the Congregation when it is safe to do so, given the attempt already made on her life.”

“Michael was killed by one of your kind and you expect me to surrender Alisha to your hands. Also, you owe me, unless you’ve forgotten. If it wasn’t for the daemons you’d be a pile of ash!”

Marcus frowned at this overheard statement.

“Do not play games with me Agatha! We both know the only reason you helped me was for your son and his family, all of whom are right now taking refuge in my family estate.“

“Are you threatening them.”

“I am no more a threat to them as I am to Alisha.”

There was a sharp inhale at the other end of the line.

“So it is true? I was told of your indiscretion with the girl by her orchestra master but I didn’t believe it until now. I did think you were above that sort of thing however, keeping a Nightingale is a move Gerbert or Knox would make.”

“Do not call her that!” Baldwin answered sharply and Marcus could swear he heard her heartbeat skip in fright over the bad line.

“What should I call it when a vampire or witch take whatever they want with no regard to the consequences.”

“If memory serves, you actively assisted Matthew and the witch, why are consequences suddenly such a concern to you?”

“Like you said, that affected my family and, from what I saw, your brother genuinely cares for Diana Bishop. I have no issues with her, she can take care of herself and she is not one of my own. Alisha is, and she has no defence against whatever game you are playing.”

“You’ll have to take me at my word that she is safest with me.”

“Is she a prisoner?”

“No.”

“A thrall?”

“I’m not Gerbert.” Baldwin answered through gritted teeth.

“No-one has seen her in the past two days Baldwin.”

There was silence on the other end of the line.

“Knox has contacted me,” she continued, “with completely fake concern for her. If you don’t provide proof that she is alive and well there is every chance they will take that as pretext to move against you.”

“They?”

“I don’t trust Domenico and Gerbert may well be Satan himself, you at least have a code of honour. The daemons will not move against you in this matter if you promise me, right now that she is both alive and well.”

“She’s alive. Gerbert’s lackey Guillermo almost drained her but she’s mostly recovered from that. She’s lost someone dear to her so, again, it’ll take time.”

“When you arrive in Venice, I want to see her first, before the Congregation!”

“Understood.” Baldwin hung up.

“What was that about the daemons helping you?”

“Gerbert making a power play is what I call a Tuesday, Marcus, it is nothing to be concerned about. He was trying to use my refusal to hand over Matthew and Diana as grounds to replace me.”

“What now, they want to see her?”

Baldwin pulled up the Calendar on his phone.

“They will! There is something I have to do first.”

———

Alisha stepped out of the shower and dried off before dressing and exiting the bathroom to an empty apartment.

She followed the alluring scent of breakfast to the kitchen and found a post-it note beside a silver plate cover.

Eat.

Christina will be over soon. I’ll explain everything later. B x

She wondered what someone who didn’t even eat would need a domed plate cover for.

Entertaining guests, obviously.

Not long after she’d eaten, the sound of the door opening alerted her to the fact she was no longer alone.

“Alisha!” Christina called out.

“Christina.” Alisha followed her voice to the main room and noticed three other women behind her. She moved to hug the vampire but noted her freeze for a second.

“What?” Alisha asked.

Christina just shook her head and pulled Alisha into a hug.

“What’s happening?” Alisha asked, noting the the rack of stunning dresses being wheeled in behind the strangers.

“Baldwin is taking you to a silent auction. He was invited some time ago, had no intention of attending.”

“Why is he?”

“I think he wanted to get you out of the house.”

“Are we ready?” Asked a woman with the measuring tape around her neck and a pin cushion bracelet around her wrist.

———

Brian Cassidy closed the door of his office and the sound of musical practicing a few rooms over.

That’s when he felt it, the cold creeping into his bones from the focal point between his shoulder blades. The uninvited guest was behind him.

He glanced at the door handle, calculating his chances.

“Your dismembered hand would reach the corner of the room before it made it to the handle!” The voice answered his unasked question.

“Step away from the door and turn around, slowly!” The voice commanded, his tone as cold as his stare.

Brian did as he was ordered, his expression one of fear upon seeing the surprise visitor.

“De Clermont,” his voice shook, “here to kill me like you did poor Michael?”

Baldwin gave a theatrical sigh.

“Now, why would I do that?”

“The girl, just like the witch your brother abducted, you De Clermont’s-“

His sentence was stopped by the acute lack of air caused by his being lifted inches from the ground by the throat.

“I don’t hear the phrase ‘you de Clermont’s’ come out of your mouth a second time. Do you understand?”

The daemon nodded and Baldwin sat him back down on his feet, choking for air.

“Who did you have spy on Alisha Black and why?”

“There was no spying,” he explained, “Michael was friend, I was doing him a favour!”

“By threatening her?”

“An idle threat, I assure you. Regardless of her choice, it was important to Michael that she be kept safe!”

“Is that why you told Guillermo?”

“Who?”

Baldwin stared at him for a moment before realising his confusion was real.

“The vampire who killed Michael and almost killed Alisha!”

“Is she alright, where is she?”

“She’s safe, answer the question!”

“Of course I didn’t talk to a vampire. I told Agatha Wilson though.”

“I’m aware.”

“I had to,” Brian answered with mock concern, “fraternising between species is prohibited under the covenant.”

“I get it-“

“Much in the same way that daemons gathering together is also against the coven-“

“You’ve made your point!” Baldwin cut him off.

“And you’ve made that girl a target.”

“Believe me, her life was endangered by whatever it was your friend was involved in.“

“It was always in danger, you brought her to their attention.”

Baldwin’s eyes narrowed in understanding.

“Why would a daemon be a target, what did Michael know?”

“You’ll have to kill me because I would die before I put her in further danger by telling you anything!”

Baldwin cocked his head to the side and approached slowly, like a predator sizing up it’s prey. Despite his fear, Brian stood resolute.

“No matter,” Baldwin shrugged, remembering the drive Michael left Alisha, “you clearly have concern for her. Worth keeping you alive at least.”

Baldwin walked towards the door.

“De Clermont.” Brian called after him.

Baldwin stopped but didn’t turn around.

“As much as I loathe you and your family for your part in the daemons struggles, I care about her more. We’re not capable of standing against your kind or the witches. Agatha means well but you can’t let her take the girl-”

“No-one is taking her from me,” Baldwin cut him off and turned to fix the daemon with a cold stare, “stay in New York where I can find you. If I have to hunt you down I cannot promise to be as merciful! again.”

Alisha glanced down at her plunging neckline, barely concealed by the lace that covered up the bodice part of the dress, with trepidation.

“Am I being auctioned off?” She half-joked.

“Stop it, you look amazing!” Christina scolded, fluffing out the skirts, made up of what had to be thousands of soft black feathers that made up the bottom part of the gown.

“Black tie event, black dress.” Geraldine, the seamstress, explained as she buttoned the last fastening at the nape of Alisha’s neck.

“It’s crazy soft.” Alisha ran her fingers through the feathers.

“Almost done.” Helen, the hair stylist pinned the last braid into the updo she’d fashioned for the event, leaving just two wayward curls to frame Alisha’s face, the rest swept up into a complicated latticework that would be impossible to replicate on her own.

With Christina in front of her, she knew Baldwin had returned with the cold sensation of his gaze upon her.

“Well,” She asked without turning around, “will I do?”

“You’re perfect.” He answered and she noted the satisfied glances between Helen and Geraldine.

They said their goodbyes and well wishes for the evening and left.

“Will there be any other vampires there tonight?” Christina asked Baldwin.

“More than likely.” He admitted.

“Then tell her, she doesn’t know the rules.” She chided him before turning back to Alisha.

“I won’t see you for a few days. I’m heading to London but I’m sure we’ll catch up again soon.” The vampire told Alisha, giving her shoulder a sympathetic squeeze before giving Baldwin a farewell nod.

With Christina gone, they were alone again.

“Look at you!” Alisha grinned, admiring the bow tie and tuxedo combination.

“Trust me, no-one will be looking at me tonight!”

“Where’s Marcus?”

“He had to leave, urgent business at home.”

“Any other nieces or nephews around?”

“Well, there’s Gallowglass. He will be attending this event.”

“So I get to meet more members of the De Clermont Clan?” She smiled.

“In time.”

“Even your infamous brother?”

“Not if I can help it!” He answered decisively, his tone failing to disguise the suppressed shudder.

She frowned.

“You don’t get on?”

“That’s...putting it mildly! Matthew has issues and I have no intention of putting a warmblood in his path!”

She nodded, deciding not to push.

To say she’d figured out how to ‘manage’ him would be wrong but she knew when to retreat from a line of questioning. If she pushed too hard she’d get nothing and he’d be more reticent to provide further detail in the future.

“Sorry,” she gave him a contrite smile, “I didn’t mean to pry.”

“Happily forgiven,” he approached and took her hand in his, “we have to discuss the rules.”

“That sounds ominous.” She retorted, recognising the topic shift.

“I know but it’s actually very simple. Do not offer your hand in greeting to anyone tonight. If they are human, they will offer theirs first.”

“And if they’re a vampire?”

“They won’t touch you.”

“Guillermo did.”

“That was then.” He answered quickly, his thumb lightly stroking her wrist just above her pulse.

“Given what you did to him I can understand someone else been wary about trying the same.”

“There’s more to it than that.” He admitted

“I’m listening.” She prompted gently.

“It’s not easy to explain, its...” he trailed off, trying to buy himself time to think, “vampires are driven by instinct, as civilised as we may appear, and territorial. When Guillermo bit you, he left his scent on you-“

“Do I still smell like him,” she interrupted in a slight panic, “what did he even smell like, is it bad?”

Alisha rubbed at her neck, over a now mostly healed mark.

“That’s weird, it feels...different!”

“I healed the wound with my own blood, just a few drops. It repaired the damage and erased what he did. You don’t have his scent on you, just-“

“Yours?”

He nodded slowly as though reluctant to admit it.

“Last night, I shouldn’t have stayed.”

“I asked you to, and I’m glad you did.”

“You were upset, you weren’t thinking clearly and I should have been. I fucked up, I let you down.”

“So, you think that being an uncaring asshole would have made the situation better?”

“Being genuinely uncaring where you’re concerned would not be possible but, yes, I should have made a performance of it.”

“Do you know why I was so upset last night?” She asked, taking him aback.

“The pen drive, Michael’s name for you. I’m not the most sensitive male you’ve ever met but I’m not completely hopeless!”

“Why last night? Why not the night it happened, before Guillermo showed up?”

“Shock.”

She shook her head.

“No, it’s the same reason I actually managed to sleep last night. It was the first time I’ve felt safe since this whole thing started,” she admitted quietly, “if that’s what being ‘yours’ means, I can live with that.”

“Alisha-“

“We should go.” She stopped him with a hand on his arm, not needing a response.

———

PART 9

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bobbiejelly · 4 years ago

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Prom

You see your panties tacked to a bulletin board the following morning and all you can think about is the fact that Addison Montgomery-Shepherd once had her hands all over your underwear. - Meredith Grey

MerAdd. meddison. F/F. Meredith Grey/Addison Montgomery. Beginning at GA-S2-E27, "Losing My Religion". Rated M for Chapter 1, Rated E for Future Chapters. Femslash.

Chapter 1: Prom?

You're a junior surgical intern at Seattle Grace Hospital named Meredith Grey and you have a massive problem eating away at you after the hospital prom.

And not the one that most people would imagine after having let your ex-boyfriend Derek Shepherd sleep with you while he's still married to Addison Montgomery-Shepherd, the tall leggy and fabulous McHot redhead goddess who is painfully smart, and annoyingly kind, and whom you have a massive inappropriate crush on, and have since she showed up here in Seattle.

You're really in some boiling hot water, now, you think to yourself…

You tell yourself you're not in love with her, already, because that would be totally insane, right?

You tell her that it's normal you quiver whenever you're with her on a consult.

Addison is your sort-of-mistake-of-a-not-boyfriend-Derek's WIFE for Crissakes!

(Years later, you'll realize you've already loved her; much more than you've ever loved him.)

You see your panties tacked to a bulletin board the following morning and all you can think about is the fact that Addison Montgomery-Shepherd once had her hands all over your underwear.

The thought nearly brings you to your knees with desire and you can't look her in the eye and not for the reason everyone thinks that you can't.

She's eyeing you because she knows you're a slut and she has proof now but she's not shouting it from the rooftops because she's classier than that.

And at the same time, she's all the pettier for 39.

The thought of her revenge really turns you on, and you're slightly shy about how hot-and-bothered you are at her angry and jealous reaction, as you pretend to yourself that it was for you and not him.

(Years later, Addison will drunkenly confess to you that it was jealousy for you, all along, and not for him as well...)

You know it was to send a message that only you could fully understand and maybe him. She knows and you know it was you even while Callie Torres claimed the blank undergarment as her own just to make George O'Malley blind jealous with rage.

When Derek found out about you losing your underwear and finding them tacked under the "Lost And Found '' sign he made a comment about how if there was a land called "Passive Agressiva" then she would be their queen.

Even Addison agrees with this assessment- because she's Addison- and she takes all the insults in stride; including being called "Satan" and "Slut" and "Whore" amongst other things like "Mrs. McDreamy" and "Ruler of All That Is Evil" and "McHot" which are more ambiguous as to whether or not they are good or bad.

You know that thinking more about how Derek calls her "the devil" will make you only fantasize harder about how kinky she must be.

Did Derek ever do stuff with her that would make him refer to her as such a thing?

Or was it just a figure of speech for him?

(Years later you would be extremely tempted to ask Mark Sloan about all of this. Though you're not sure you could compete with McSteamy for her affections.)

(And you're not sure you could punch him to the ground just like Derek did that one time if it didn't go well when you asked your co-dirty-mistress what it was like to screw around with the wife.)

(Besides, he might ask you what it was like to screw around with the husband and you're not sure if you want to know that side about Mark Sloan yet or maybe ever.)

You think that he never truly discovered Addison's true sexual prowess in the way that he could have because you hear secondhand or third hand from someone who heard it from Callie that he never slept with her starting from five years into their marriage.

You wonder how the hell he didn't when she was right there beside him in bed.

You realize you pointedly didn't think about why she didn't want to sleep with your mutual Derek the back half of her marriage, or maybe she did, and he just didn't and that was the answer.

You're sort of forgiving her for sleeping with Mark because you screw a hundred people when things aren't going well for you and it's not like you weren't getting laid in the first place.

Idly, you wonder if she feeds her libido with her own hands when she's not getting lucky with her McMen.

(Years later, you would find out she didn't even know how to do that to herself for years and she still doesn't without a showerhead).

(You would wonder at that point how she didn't combust internally from the pent up sexual frustration.)

(You wonder if she just had a lot of wet dreams, and when you find out that that's the case it sends you into a tailspin or imagination of what that must have felt like for her, and what those dreams were like and who they could have been about...)

(You wonder if she ever had even one of those dirty dreams about YOU.)

(Even once. Just out of some bizarre curiosity? A morbid fascination with the ex-husband's ex-mistress?)

(You try not to do THAT to yourself as you think of this thought. Fantasizing about someone's hypothetical fantasies is beyond fucked up, right? Even for you, about Addison no longer Shepherd?)

You can feel Addison staring at you all day and it's driving you crazy and not for the reason everyone thinks that it does.

Derek just thinks you're reacting to her post-divorce and staying in Seattle and trauma from being called "the other woman" again.

You'll never, ever, tell him that you're blushing because the predatory gaze is really working for you and you can't match it because you're scared she'll hate you even more for the truth if she finds out by reading your mind through your expression.

You stare at Addison only when you know she can't look at you back, or when it's socially appropriate to do so-

Such as in an O.R, or while she's the one currently talking in a conversation...

Or when she's teaching you over a patient and you have to quell your potential sexuality crisis to avoid earning a malpractice lawsuit from doing or saying something completely inappropriate regarding her in front of someone's dear friends and also family.

At some point, she asks you rhetorically "what the hell does he see in you anyway? What do you do for him that I can't or at least can't anymore? What about you makes him want you and not me?"

You bite your lip not to answer back in your lowest seductive tone "I can show you if you really do want to know..."

(Years later you'll wish you had been that much more foreword with her so maybe you two could have skipped some or all of this angst period and just hooked up then sooner, rather than eons later).

(But when you admit this to Addison, she'll tell you then, otherwise).

(You're not 100% sure if you believe her when she says this, but you decide to go along with it anyway because you really do love her.)

The turning point can't be for you two when you left Derek via a nonsexual double-entendre at Cristina's nonsuccessful wedding with Burke.

You cut your best friend out of her wedding dress and you hear her cry and you watch her, to make sure she's okay.

You're offered her ticket to go to Hawaii and on her honeymoon with her and when she makes a comment about you being seen as her "lesbian lover" by clueless passerby's you try not to stiffen at her accidental implication that you might not be straight after all.

The last time you joked about becoming lesbians was when you Derek were over or so you thought at the time and she and Burke were having issues too and you ran into the elevator muttering something about switching sides.

You would never want to do this WITH Cristina, though if she chose to start swinging that way with someone else you knew you would support her wholeheartedly.

You wonder if Cristina would support you the same way if she knew you were fantasizing about naked ladies.

The boys would love you even more for it. You're not sure what Izzie would say or what Callie would say but you decide that Izzie has probably kissed a girl at some point and that Callie probably wants to.

You don't ask either way?

You're in the stairwell one day and you see Addison catching her breath and you ask her what's wrong and she bursts into tears. She yells at you when you find her crying again in a supply closet and tells you to stay the fuck away.

But she didn't yell at you in the stairwell. She let you lay a hand out to her hip and say that you're sorry.

She let you apologize before she said thank you and walked away. You're not sure if she just needed to hear that from you, or if she knew you really needed to say it for yourself to her and she has enough of an inexplicable soft spot for you that she let you say it just to see the guilt wash off your face for a split second.

You realize you didn't feel ashamed when you were with her at that moment. You wonder if that's because you know and she knows that she's guilty of a similar act.

You ask Derek once he starts leading you on again what she was like in bed.

He thinks you're trying to win out competition over her for him, so he tells you.

(Years later, he realizes he could not have ever been more wrong about who you were always fighting for, really, between the two of them...)

He wants you to win over his wife, you think, even though he didn't come to the bar that night you said your 'pick me, choose me, love me' bullshit.

In retrospect, you realize begging someone to love you, is not a good way not to seem desperate.

You're desperate for Addison's attention even though you're not good at showing it.

You consider saying to her "I slept with Derek to get you to look at me, the same way you might have slept with Mark Sloan to get Derek to look at you".

But then you would never say that because you don't want to bring up her past failures even if she does herself, even to you, and that she did so to stand up for you on your first day of work, and you don't think it was because of Derek at all.

Addison said 'good girl' on her first or second day, and she really meant it, you think when you don't go back to him after she walked in to introduce herself in the hospital lobby.

(Years later, she'll tell you she really did want the best for you, then and that it was not about any sort of strengthening her claim on her then-husband.)

You wish you could tell her "good girl" as you're screwing her through her second or third orgasm of a heated evening.

(Years later, you'll realize that this is as good as you dreamed it to be...)

You realize she started seeing you as "as a person" when your friends tell you her voice broke when she said to them "you should prepare yourselves" when you drowned off the sound and she was there in your room watching with terrified eyes that you might not come back.

(Years later you'll ask her what you looked like in that hospital bed and she'll break down and cry and tell you that's when she knew you meant something to her).

When Addison left Seattle Grace Hospital and she left Seattle for good (or so you both thought at the time…), you never thought you would ever be able to explain to Derek why you cried as she walked away from you after giving you a look at the wedding when you left her ex-husband and your ex-boyfriend at the same time you called off Cristina's wedding to Burke.

—

It's approximately one year later when you finally crack and hit on Addison for real, at a bar, at Emerald City Bar, of course, and no less...

It's after she cares back to Seattle for a consult and she defended you to Derek and also defended Derek to you.

You asked if she was leaving already and she gave you some speech about a beach and Zen and Ghandi but all you could hear was the smoothness of her voice, husky after a drink or two.

You catch her arm again.

Addison turns around.

You tell her that now that Derek is with rose and that she doesn't want Mark now that you want her to know from you, only if she wants to, of course maybe just why Derek might have taken you home his first night in Seattle.

She stares wide-eyed at you before she drops your gaze for a second to ask you if this was the bar where he said he was just a guy and you said you were just a girl.

When you say it is, sadly, and a bit embarrassed about it...

That's when she surprises you beyond all expectations and says she cares too much about you to take advantage of your guilt to have sex with you just for her personal discovery.

You tell her that you put it that way to her because you didn't think she would sleep with you otherwise.

She looks at you sadly and gives you another hug and pulls you into her chest again because she doesn't want you to feel that your body is to be used for other people in that sort of way.

This time hugging Addison without Derek around is making you melt beyond all repair.

You cling to the back of her coat and she holds onto you and she nuzzles your head and she says she's sorry that her ex-husband never made good on his promise to her not ever to hurt you again.

You ask her when he promised her that.

Addison tells you that you were high at the time.

You realize that's when you thought you were pregnant with her husband's adulterous love-child baby and she was there to break the news that you weren't.

You just had a ruptured appendix and all your ex-boyfriends showed up to fix you in the same room at the same time and it made Bailey chuckle, albeit maybe not fondly, or maybe so, after all, you were high so you're not really sure.

You tell her you don't remember anything she said or what you said but you vaguely remember her talking with you in the same compassionate voice that she's using now with you while you were on morphine.

Addison smiles a sigh of relief when you tell her this news and you realize she must have said something to you she wasn't ready for you to hear her say yet, because she doesn't repeat to you now what she said to you when she was sober and you weren't.

(Years later when she does finally confess her speech about wishing she had a lot of things' and confessed that she wishes... ‘A lot of things' were things about doing right by you, and also about doing things with you, both platonically and also sexually...)

(Well, you'll hold her in your arms the way she was doing to you then at the bar when she came to Seattle one time.)

(Only you'll be lying down next to her to pull her head under your chin because you're too short and she is too tall for you to do that while you are both standing up.)

You ask Addison if she wants to talk more with you now and she says that she does.

She takes you home to your house because she says that taking you to her hotel room would be really trashy of her.

You think it doesn't matter if you end up taking your clothes off anyway but she seems to think that it really does.

You don't remember the cab ride to your place from Joe's, you didn't talk much, you just remember running your hand up her thigh and her not pulling away when you rubbed circles up to her hip.

You do remember arriving at your house and letting her in.

You realize that she's actually never seen this house before and you laugh at the thought because she's the only surgeon at Seattle Grace so far that hasn't set foot in this place, much less lived here at some point, like most of your intern friends and also Derek.

You don't talk about your mutual ex at all. You make it a point not to. You know tonight is for her and you, and you and her, only.

He's taken enough out of you both that you can recognize the scars that he scratched into your souls.

You can see through to them even before you start to take off her coat and she offers to hang yours alongside hers on the coat rack.

You make her some coffee in your kitchen to sober you both up a little.

And over coffee, you realize that you really do enjoy each other's company.

You realize you've never hung out with her, not high, one on one before, and you enjoy it at least as much as she does.

Addison is finished her coffee by the time you start making cocoa because you know she really likes it and she tells you she drinks it for good juju even when nobody has already died.

You start to be more touchy-feely with her while you start drinking your cocoa because she has her hands around your shoulder and she's kissing your temple.

You pull away just enough to ask her if she's drunk or if you are drunk. She says you're both probably not given the early time you left the bar together and the amount of non-alcoholic liquids and/or caffeine you both have consumed.

You say that's good because you don't want to take advantage of her. You won't make her a cheap lay just because she's good looking and vulnerable.

She's appalled by the thought because she was once your attending. You tell her she's not anymore because she moved to California, and she giggles when she tells you about things in LA.

You don't tell her that Derek once accused you of taking advantage of him at a bar.

You know that bringing him up will upset her and you- and that it's actually a really arrogant thing for him to have said to you on your first day of work.

You realize that Addison is better than him because she didn't let herself think of you in 'that way' while she was your boss because she didn't want you to become twice over a hospital whore from the other half of the same fucked-up marriage.

Addison wanted you too, but she never said, because she didn't want you to want her back while she was your superior.

You ask why you're different to her from Alex Karev. She says that she regrets Alex anyway, but with him at least she knew somehow even before he turned her down that despite what she heard second hand from Rebecca the patient that he would never actually fall for her for real.

You realize from this that she's insinuating that she thinks you would if you slept with her, then. You're appalled that she had such good a read on you while she was pretending to hate you for screwing her husband.

She tells you she has a much better poker face from years of being a Doctor. She tells you that you'll develop the same skill but she hopes that just because you'll learn to lie that you won't in a bad way.

You realize how much she has hurt for you and that you have hurt for her.

She says it's okay because she's glad she's met you.

You cry when you hear her speak those words because you've never heard those even from your own mother and father or even your uncle Richard.

It makes her cry for you, and you kiss her on the cheek just to make her stop sobbing so hard.

She starts laughing uncontrollably and you ask why and she says that she kissed Alex Karev at Joe's bar a year ago when he said that he never really had a real dad.

You ask why this is funny and she says that she must have an MO because she was about to ask you if you wanted for her to kiss her on the lips before you started to give her a kiss on the cheek.

You ask Addison if she still wants to ask you that anyway. And she says that she does.

You tell her that you wanted to kiss her for a really long time but that you didn't even know if she could swing that way.

She says she hasn't since before Derek, but that she used to be openly bisexual back in her college days.

You realized you'd moaned at her sentence when you see her eyes darkening and you feel her shiver and she asks if you're even gay at all.

You say that you always were (gay; a lot more than just a little bit, though not entirely, either...) and that you haven't been since Derek, either, but that you haven't stopped thinking about women and you haven't forgotten how to give them pleasure, either.

This time you notice that she's the one to moan out at your sentence.

You ask her what you never asked her all of those years ago.

You ask her if she finally wants to find out what you're made of.

She says she wants to have you naked only if you're sure you want to but not because of anything to do with other men.

You say that that's even better and you tell her you've wanted to have your way with her for a very long time.

She asks you since when?

You tell her since the hospital prom.

She asks you why, then?

You tell Addison you were watching her over Finn's shoulder and that you saw her watching you, too, along with Derek.

That she's the reason you got overheated when Finn Dandridge started talking about plans, and that when you ran off into the hallway, you'd wished it was her and not him to confront you in an exam room.

You wished it was her and not him who talked to you and gave you a speech about how they wished they weren't distracted by you.

How you wished with everything that you had that it was her and not him taking off your panties and making you come undone on that table next to the other bulletin board where your panties had once been.

How you wished it was her pocket that your panties had ended up in and not his, except a part of you was really glad and still is that you didn't turn her into the whore that you were that night.

How you were glad she didn't have to withstand the shame and the whispering and the chatter.

You tell her how you'd seen your panties tacked to a bulletin board the morning after that prom, and all you could think about since then is the fact that Addison Montgomery-No-Longer-Shepherd once had her hands all over your underwear.

She asks you if you want her to touch your panties again. You tell that you do always wanted to! And that you still do! And that you want her you want to take hers off as well!

You lead her upstairs to your bedroom and you close the door securely behind you.

You press her up against your bedroom door and you lean in to cup her face with your hands.

You tell her how beautiful she is and that she's a good person and that you hate how she doesn't love herself to let people tell her that without starting to protest.

You tell her you've seen the pain in her eyes and all you've ever wanted to do for her is to kiss it all better.

She says that the moment your lips touch hers that you will and that she's already long forgiven you for prom and for everything.

She says she asked on both sides for you to be with her own ex-husband because she thought that's what you wanted and what you needed to be happy and not even him.

You tell her that you're the doctor Shepherd you've always wanted most- and that she's not even called that and that makes it even better for you.

Addison tells you that you're the individual that she's actually secretly pined over for the longest time and that she'd thought she was going to live out her life without ever telling you that.

You swoon completely, and then you ask Addison if you can stop talking now and get to the kissing already.

She smiles and she leans into your forehead and you lean into hers.

And she asks you to start it first so she knows that you're certain.

And you say that you're more than sure.

And then you take her lips into hers.

And then you kiss her for hours.

Since you want to enjoy this.

You kiss Addison long and slow.

You haven't had this much fun since before you can remember back to.

Even more so than any and all sex you have previously had all combined.

And then you never ever let go, and neither does she, and you and Addison Montgomery spend the next few hours in pure unadulterated bliss in your bedroom.

You don't give a care what people at the hospital might do or say or tell other people behind both of your backs like they always do.

And it's far, far, far, better than any sex that either of you has ever had, previously, with anyone, much less with Finn or with Derek or with Mark or with George...

It's much, much, better than any sex or kisses or touches either of you has ever had at any event in your lives that may or may not be referred to as some sort of a Prom!

(Years later, when you talk about your first time together, still, to this day you'll remember saying that it was the best sex of your lives thus far. Period. Ever.)

-Meredith Grey

As retold years later to Addison Montgomery. After your wedding to her. You tell this to her... And you tell her again, at your ten year anniversary, and again, when your first child together is finally born. And you both lived happily ever after, ever since, after all, even after the total disaster at the hospital Prom.

***** END OF CHAPTER 1

Author's Note:

Did you read the abridged version in bold throughout the story?

LOL. Semi-cheap writer's tactics. But it's a prom, so we get to be a bit corny and lame and a little bit cheesy, I guess…

Hope you enjoyed this story.

A lot of this was strongly influenced by reading AddisonAddek's work (you'll see some of your sylistics here, with the time jumps and self-angst and also the second person… Which I now apparently love. As an author, you're not sure if you'll like changing things up, but when you do, you think it's a little bit terrifying in a good way!)

Of course also shoutout to LordOfLezzies as usual as I'm rereading all their old works and I'm inspired by all the creative scenarios and I still have not seen this particular one anywhere so I decided to give it a go.

So, welcome to this one-shot of Prom? With MerAdd aftermath and also ending.

A slight homage to Coldplay's multiple versions of their hit song 'Lost!', here, with all the different punctuation marks.

How this ended up being written at 5 AM in the morning on a cell phone I will never understand.

See you around, folks. If you really, really, really, want to see the smut that is only implied here, let me know; that's why I left this open for more because I know myself well enough that I probably can't stay away. Though I'm really busy right now so maybe I will just leave it at that… Let me know in the comments!

Hope to hear all your thoughts on this.

If you're looking for something else to read, there's a new chapter up of Soothe - Chapter 16, and I'm hoping to get another one up really soon, as that is probably one of my favorite fanfictions that I've ever worked on.

Cheers, and see you around in the reviews, much love,

bobbiejelly

@bobbiejelly

Full story here:

- You’ll need to read it on one of these platforms to catch the hidden message because it didn’t transpose itself onto this site ;)...

Ao3:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/24438112/chapters/58965151

Fanfiction:

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13599945/1/Prom

Wattpad:

https://www.wattpad.com/894346376-1-prom

HOPE TO SEE YOU IN THE COMMENTS!!!!

And a classical shoutout to @lordoflezzies @lordoflezzies @lespians @lucy-lane-deserves-better @hannidelialanagram @sassyygayy @tisziny @thenetflixgal @hime for your support, @hime1993, and @addisxn-mxntgxmery and @heisenbeth for the cool blogs!, @answerstosatan, @agentrosetyler-archive @weshallmeetagain @multifandomfix for the cool fanfics on this tag already on tumblr! @lerevedenemo, @almostintellectualunicorn, @justhereforthelesbians, @lerasklpnv, @jessicazavala1234, @bebopfirefly, @jeonghyo, @cyanskies, @lyduennn, @singwhenyoucantspeak, for interacting with me so far on Tumblr, by liking/reblogging my fanfiction posts, messaging, following, helping with questions and that sort of thing!

(If you’d like me to untag you or never tag you again, at any time just let me know!!!)

Yeah, that’s a lot of shoutouts. Also shoutouts to @foibles-blog-blog @stephisinsanity and @mammothluv because i’m taking a shot in the dark that these are your same usernames from Ao3 and your works are remarkable for MerAdd and/or grey’s and pp in general even if that was AGES AGO, but y’know, bobbiejelly is late to the fandom... And hoping some ppl still want it to exist more...

If anyone knows of any other MerAdd writers around here, or if you are one yourself I haven’t met yet on Tumblr, pls. Comment on this post and/or message me! This platform is super new and I’m working on using it to gain more MerAdd in my life and also to share some stuff that is in the ether...

HAVE A GREAT ONE, FOLKS!!! HOPE YOU ENJOYED <3

MerAdd, meddison, Meredith Grey/Addison Montgomery for the win!!!

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jadedbirch · 7 years ago

Text

a meme

tagged by honest to god everyone I know....??? @brassfannibal @old-long-john @vowel-in-thug @favouritealias You’re all good people and I’ve had the week from heck

rules: answer 30 questions and tag 20 blogs you would like to get to know better omg heck off

My ears fucking hurt b/c apparently all the stress this month has triggered some fucking tmj and anyhoo I hate my mortal coil and I’m on painkillers now and I have been told by a doctor to relax so this is me... relaxing.

1. nicknames: people have called me all kinds of things including but not limited to Athos, Satan, Jade, Ellie-Poo (I’ll cut you), Kat, and Empress.

2. gender: Female

3. star sign: prostate Cancer

4. height: 5'5″

5. time: 4:04pm PST

6. birthday: July 9

7. favorite bands: MUSE, 30 Seconds to Mars, Gogol Bordello, Massive Attack, Radiohead (yes I’m old)

8. favorite solo artists: Bjork, Ivy Queen, Sia... and Maria Callas obviously XD (I’m actually older than dirt)

9. song stuck in my head: Right now the only thing stuck in my head is my ear pain, or technically jaw nerve pain

10. last movie i watched: Call Me By Your Name <3

11. last show i watched: I think it must’ve been s2 of The Magicians. I don’t know why I watch this show, it’s so dark and violent, why, self, why..... Probably contributed to my stress this week. Idiot.

12. when did i create my blog: January 2013 I think

13. what do i post: Hot people doing hot things, I’m very shallow, but look they’re all hot. Also kitteh and puppeh. And salt.

14. last thing i googled: probably how to treat tmj lol

15. do i have any other blogs: I do but most of them aren’t active. I have @kripkesheadcanons from I had way too much fun with the Revelers. I have @youhavenosenseofpoetry (my Crowley side blog) from my time in SPN Hell. @donnaimmaculata and I have @arathos which is the side blog for Immortality AU and it is in fact still active :D

16. do i get asks: Sometimes

17. why i chose my url: Why do you fucking think?

18. following: always 69 *evil grin*

19. followers: idk like over 1K ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I’ve been around for centuries I guess

there is no question 20? Really? Weird. Can I make up one of my own? What’s your hair color? thanks @favouritealias for once again catching a typo, this time in a fucking meme! even DRUNK you still find other people’s fuck ups!!!! Anyways, my hair is brown.... a rapidly graying brown that needs to be constantly dyed.

21. average hours of sleep: does it even matter if i can’t ever wake up rested? I usually get around 7-8/night. I got 10.5 last night! And I STILL woke up feeling like ass.

22. lucky number: 3 and multiples of 3

23. instruments: I play the guitar and the trumpet (and a bit of flute because who the hell doesn’t??)<--- I’m keeping @favouritealias‘ reply b/c WHO THE HELL DOESN’T???? HOW DRUNK WERE YOU??? Well, I for one do not. Nor do I play the guitar, nor trumpet. The only instrument I play is on your nerves. :P

24. what am i wearing: blue jeggings and a very loose, very old “house” t-shirt. It’s soft and black, like my soul. And I just noticed it says St. Thomas on it! OMG OMG LOL!!!!

26. dream job: Opera critic. Honestly just pay me to go to the opera and then talk shit.

27. dream trip: Back to Italy. Pls @ gods, I’m gonna cry.

28. favorite food: Anything that the Italians would like to make and feed to me. Also sushi.

29. nationality: ‘Murican by the grace of naturalization lol I cannot believe we fled the Soviet Union for THIS!!!! FOR THIS!!!!! Fucking Giant Meteor 2k18. I am ready.

30. favorite song right now: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I don’t even listen to the radio anymore Idk what’s going on in the world except that it’s going to heck

tagging: how about not? i’m so tired and i’m sure everyone has already done this. I love y’all, good night <3

#about me #memes

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idealisticrealism · 7 years ago

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Blindspot 3x01 recap

Okay so honestly, until the episode actually aired I wasn’t sure this recap would happen. This hiatus has been all too easy for me, because the finale-- or, specifically, the time jump paired with the realisation that Weller really was going to have a kid-- really made me question whether this was still the show I fell in love with, and if I really wanted to dedicate any more of my time to it. Plus, since I avoid spoilers, there were some serious concerns-- for example, whether Weller even knew why Jane left-- that I had, that I didn’t have the answers to yet.

Which meant that basically I went into this episode not really expecting to feel particularly positive about it. But instead-- like with the second half of S2 after that rather unpleasant start-- damn Gero managed to pull me back in, as he somehow always does.

So here goes. Recap time. But fair warning: this review is about my personal feelings towards the show, and therefore you may not agree with what you read. Feel free to come and talk to me about it anyway.

Honestly I (like everyone else) knew a wedding was coming, but unlike everyone else I wasn’t all that interested to see it. I mean, I’m happy for them and all, but I’m more interested in seeing the being-married part than the actual getting married. But then the flowers, and the music, and the family looking so beautiful, and Patterson OFFICIATING, and Hirst and Stuart being there (side note: I am only now recognising Stuart as an actor from Gero’s old show the LA Complex, along with about six other actors who have been on this show over the years lol). But anyway, considering my biggest problem with S2 was the baby fiasco, I was expecting to feel the same nausea when seeing the baby onscreen as when I thought of it at any other time (it’s literally one of my least fave tropes, guys, so I’m sorry but I will always hate the existence of the baby), but it was fairly easy to just ignore it. I was bummed not to see Sarah or Sawyer, who would literally have never missed this wedding and tbh would have been a waaaaaaaay better inclusion in S2 and 3 than the unwanted offspring, but whatever. #Foreverbitter

That said, seeing the team laughing and dancing and having an amazing time was just the best. And of course the Jeller lovey-doveyness was so great, and maaaann I really wish we could have heard those speeches. Reade and Tasha dancing was a little bit borderline for me-- they’re so cute and I love them as best friends but PLEASE GERO JUST LET THEM BE BEST FRIENDS. DON’T PUT THEM TOGETHER. PLEASE DON’T.

Ngl I don't at all like that Jeller moved to Colorado. Big nope for me, though I understand why it happened, and god I did love the scene with the fam helping them pack and then tough-as-nails Tasha crying??? Let me die. But I also identify with her the most rn, bc she GETS it. With Jeller gone, their family will never be the same. The roadtrip montage was cute, and the carrying over the threshold???? Ughhhhh save me. I love that they took on the project of the house, the two of them making the perfect team (was there a baby in this montage? Nope, not that I saw. No babies here. Maybe just Allie’s new puppy that they look after from time to time. Yeah, let’s go with that. Bethany is a puppy they babysit and no one can force me to view it as anything else).

So as much as I’m enjoying this montage of domestic bliss, I’m kinda ready for it to end because GUYS PLEASE I’M TOO USED TO ANGST AND SLOW BURN, YOU CAN’T OVERLOAD ME WITH FLUFF LIKE THIS. And then phew it ends, leaving us in the new Jeller residence with Weller just returning from napping in the laundry beside Bethany’s basket because she still howls when she’s left alone and so he had to pet her until she fell asleep. Awwwww, so nice of these two to look after Allie’s puppy while she works nightshift. I love that Jane cooked dinner-- I bet Weller’s been teaching her and lots of sweet and sexy kitchen times have ensued. Jane gushes about the puppy’s cuteness and Weller suggests maybe they should get one of their own. Good thing they’re talking about a puppy and not a child because wow “one of our own” sure had a very exclusionary implication, like Jane was not at all connected to any other puppies/babies that might exist. But anyway I gotta move on before the world I’ve carefully constructed in this Matrix starts glitching. Saved by the bell, or rather the phone-- it’s Keaton with a warning that their lives are in danger, and here’s yet another topic that threatens to glitch my reality. Keaton tortured Jane for THREE MONTHS. Brutally and without true remorse. He should be persona non grata with literally everyone (the team and the fans alike), but instead the writers have turned him into the team’s new buddy. This is the biggest issue I’ve had with the show, I think-- not Keaton specifically, but what he represents. Because honestly when I think about certain plot points in theory, I feel very strongly and very negatively about them; but when the show goes “no it’s fine everything’s actually great” it somehow sucks me in and I just go ‘oh okay cool everything is great, that’s good then’’, and I just?? For example, I really enjoyed watching Keaton in the finale, and then I thought about it after the episode ad was like ‘wait no I hate him, how did I forget I hate him?’ Like I stg Gero is a wizard, and like anything truly magic related, that’s both a good and a bad thing. But anyway rn I’m appreciative of Keaton because he just helped save Jane and Weller’s lives. So I guess he gets points for that, though technically Jane has saved his life a couple of times already now. Jeller proceed to beat the crap out of their attackers, and aaahhhh, isn’t this so much more THEM than painting walls and picking out cushions? Their Colorado life was a nice little holiday but it wasn’t them. Naturally the gunshots wake little puppy Bethany who is now barking in distress, but they check on her and she’s fine. Keaton rocks up to explain that some Sandstorm member has put out a hit on Jane for $10M, and now no one can stop a shit-ton of mercenaries from coming after Jane. Keaton and Jane are in agreement about putting Jane into a version of WitSec-- hopefully with much more comfortable lodgings than the last time she was put up by the CIA. (#Yesstillbitter). Weller tries to reject the idea, then decides he’s coming too, bc “You’re my wife” ughhhhhh, but Jane can’t let him walk away from the rest of his life. She knows what that’s like, after all, though lbr giving up her life as Remi was the best thing she ever did. Unfortunately for Weller, he has a very hardheaded wife and he sleeps very heavily when he’s cuddling a fluffy puppy, so Jane bails in the middle of the night, and nope nope nope I never needed to see her crying as she pulled off her wedding ring, thanks Satan (I mean Gero). But lbr, Weller is Jane’s everything, and she would do anything-- including break her own heart-- to keep him safe. Oh, Jane, you noble idiot. At least this whole scene has allayed one of my concerns going into this season-- Weller definitely knows why Jane had to go, so he knows it was done out of love, and not for the lack of it. I still think she could have kept the ring, but I suppose by leaving it she was telling him that she was okay, that she was leaving of her own accord and hadn’t been kidnapped or murdered or anything.

Have I mentioned lately how much I really hate time-jumps??? After the finale, I desperately hoped that they had been married the majority of that two year gap and that their separation was only like three or so months. I even mostly-completed a oneshot postfinale fic along those lines, but then we found out about the 18 month thing and I was like “well screw you too, show” (#yepdefinitelybitter) and abandoned the story entirely. Plus, it’s been otherwise proved non-canon now, so that was rather a waste of time. But anyway, it’s now 18 months after Jane disappeared (undoubtedly aided by Keaton) and you just know the whole family will have been scattered to the winds. Another reason to hate time jumps. Speaking of the team, Hirst shows up at Weller’s apartment-- which he somehow still has; renting it out, I guess?? But damn he’s clearly richer than I thought he was. He’s about to sell it though bc he’s spending all his time and money searching for Jane, just as he has for the last 18 months. And on one hand, I can totally be like “awww he loves her so much” but on the other hand I want to be like “wtf you sadistic writers, you’re literally going to rip apart a couple who loves each other for A YEAR AND A HALF, which is a FREAKING LONG TIME (seriously where were you 1.5yrs ago? Think about that and how much of forever ago it was) and then also literally have the love of Weller’s life disappear into thin air, when he had already spent 25 years of his life searching for the last person he loved who disappeared, and OH YEAH, WHO TURNED OUT TO HAVE BEEN DEAD THE WHOLE TIME???” Legit, if you actually take two seconds to think about it, this entire plotline is freaking awful and upsetting and yet the show will literally brush it off like it’s nothing, or merely a tiny insignificant blip in their lives. Just watch. And so again, this is one of those moments where Gero bedazzles us into not being upset by things which very much should upset us. But ANYWAY, Hirst is there because the team has been kidnapped, and I use the word ‘team’ lightly here, because they literally haven't seen each other in like a year because everything fell apart after Jeller abandoned them to go puppysit in Colorado. Anyhow, a mysterious box with Jane’s name on it (or her maiden name at least, no one can convince me that the woman for whom Weller is her home wouldn’t have taken his name and the belonging that went with it) was left in Reade’s apartment, likely because he’s the only one left in NYC because all the others bailed. Seriously I feel like this team’s breaking apart has given ME abandonment issues, so I have no idea how they’re all managing. But anyway the other nifty thing about the box is that it has coordinates on it, very possibly leading to Jane’s location. Congrats, Weller, looks like you don’t have to sell your apartment after all. And you totally have all the info you need to go find Jane, plus an excellent excuse, given that only she can open the box and help them save their friends (who they completely ditched two years ago). Fun times.

Jump to Nepal, and the scene from the finale. Now we know for sure that the hug was because Jane had never wanted to leave him, which is nice. Also that whoever left the box (lbr we all already know it’s Roman) literally made it so the two of them HAD to solve this together. Looks like someone ships his his sister and brother in law lol… Aaaand okay now Jane is glowing. She admits that it must have happened when she was in an accident some months ago that had her in and out of consciousness for days, and wow how must that feel for Weller? Hearing that she literally almost died months ago and he would never have known about it? Dammit Jane, I know you suffered without him too and that you were doing it for ‘good’ reasons, but I still think you were wrong to do it. If anyone has a time machine up their sleeve, please donate it to these guys so they can go back and make better choices.

But all realistic feelings aside, the pair are straight back into tattoo solving mode (admit it guys, you’ve missed this) and quickly figure out that the first clue is a reference to the place that Weller proposed to Jane-- St Mark’s Square in Venice. Which on one hand is ugh so sweet and romantic but on the other is… kinda unoriginal? Lol. But regardless I need to hear more about his proposal. How long were they in Venice? How long had they been together? Did he intend to propose the whole time or did it just happen? Why did they holiday in Venice as opposed to other locations? Tell me EVERYTHING, GERO. But anyway Jane’s like ‘It’s happening all over again’ and it’s easy to assume she’s unhappy about that, but then again, maybe she’s actually not? Technically working with the team on the tattoos was the best time of her life (with some exceptions here and there). Weller offers for her to stay out of it if she wants to-- which is big of you, Weller, it really is. I mean we all know you're desperately hoping she comes with you, but then again you want her to be safe, so… this must be conflicting lol. But of course Jane is down to rescue their best friends (again, friends that they abandoned #irrationallybitter), and lbr is probably super sick of climbing that damn cliff, PLUS can’t face leaving her hubby a second time, so together they set off to Venice. Yay!

Weller has taken some full-body shots of the new tatts (I feel like that had to be slightly awkward for both of them) and sends them through to the lab, where they are received by Stuart (onya for moving up in the world, buddy), Hirst, and… RICH DOT FREAKIN COM. I mean, we’ve all known for a while that he was returning, and suspected long before that, but honestly this is the moment that makes the episode for me. My fave is back and is making jokes about nudes, and all is right with the world. Jane is like ‘wtf’, and so Weller gives her a rundown on all she missed-- namely, that her entire ‘family’ has become estranged-- Reade is working in a position that tbh feels above his ability and experience level, give that his predecessors are the superhuman Mayfair and the wonderboy Weller; Tasha the CIA-hater is now working for the man who tortured Jane; Patterson has literally moved as far across the country as she can, to do work as far from their FBI work as possible. See what happens when parents abandon their children, Jane?? Everything falls apart, so you better go fix it. Also, two things: first, I wanna know all about Rich’s dealings with the FBI in the last two years. Give me a spin off just about that, please. Secondly, did Rich and Patterson try to find Jane after she disappeared and how did they feel about their (apparent) lack of success? But anyway ugh literally every line of Rich’s is pure gold. I love that he’s staying in the same safe-house she did?? Keeping it in the family lol. And then ugh for all his jokes about the nudes etc, you can tell he’s legitimately concerned that they’re about to walk into a trap. Oh my baby loves and misses his friends and wants them back in one piece and I juST LOVE HIM SO MUCH

Meanwhile, in the fun bunker, Reade and Zapata wake up after being drugged, and while he’s all business, she’s like “it’s good to see you, even if it takes being kidnapped for it to happen” and we discover that they haven't spoken at all in the year since Zapata went to the CIA. Dammit Jeller, see what you did??? Everything is broken!!! And now a long-haired Patterson is herded into their cell, and is understandably all ‘wtf’ about it. Well, at least they’re all in the same room again, right?

Seeing Jeller in Venice is weird. I walked right there in the spot where they're walking, many times. I saw everything they’re seeing now. And ugh Jane says it seems like forever ago that they were last here, whereas for Weller it feels like it just happened. Which subtly demonstrates how they’re no longer in sync, and then ugh Weller tells her that this was the first place he came to after she disappeared, going straight to the place that only they knew about, hoping that she was waiting for him. But she wasn’t, and ugh you can tell how much that hurt him, realising that she was never going to come. How long did he wait for her before he realised that?? Ugh. But I appreciate that she immediately stops to apologise and try to explain herself, including making it clear that her love for him was the driving factor behind everything she did. The choice of language by the writers is clever, though, because we (and Weller) hear her say ‘loved’ and neither of us know for sure if that love is still present tense or not. Which of course it is, but still, the suspense… But ugh poor Weller. He’s still so hurt. Jane can you just give him another hug please? For longer this time? Like, say, forever?

Also sidebar: I’m holidaying in Vanuatu atm, and there’s an old guy swimming in the pool that I’m sitting beside, and he looked up at me as I was writing that last sentence and at first I thought maybe it’s because he’s a man and I’m female in a bikini, but then he goes (in a cute, accented voice) “Don’t work so hard. You’re on holiday! You should be relaxing!” hahaha. Don’t worry, buddy, I’ve been lazing by this pool for hours now, and I’m currently writing about some of my favourite fake humans. I’m all good.

Meanwhile back in the Blindspot world, Jeller find a case on the roof that has her tattoo on the side, and while Weller is all ‘wait for the bombsquad!!’ Jane ignores him and immediately opens it. Ah, Weller, did you miss this? I mean it’s just like old times. Inside the case there’s a phone, and Jane calls the number, and Roman answers almost too eagerly. He’s clearly pleased to be interacting with them both, and proud of himself for his genius plan for ‘tormenting’ them (while also bringing them back together, freeing Jane from the hit on her, and giving him an excuse to interact with them whenever he wants). Aw, my psychopathic lil boy just misses his family. Honestly it sounds like he’s gone through a fair bit of trouble to get to the guy who holds the hit out on Jane and give them a way to take him down… a way that involves kinda almost killing Jane but eh, could be worse? And then ooooh they realise from the bells that he’s right there in the square too, and omg as Jane is asking him how they get their friends back (answer: apparently they don’t) she’s spinning around looking for him, and right behind her is a walkway with a snack bar on one side of it, and man I have such clear memories of walking along that walkway to our hotel or stopping into that snack bar for gelati. Ugh, I miss Venice. And then he says her name again (dude it’s Jane WELLER, not Doe) and she spots him and takes off after him and Weller suddenly panics because he doesn’t know where she is (ugh my poor boy) but luckily he manages to take the exact right turn to find them (do you know how easy it is to get turned around in Venice????? He’d have never found them) and he jumps onto Roman’s getaway boat which is badass, and after what seems like several minutes of an unpleasant upper-body workout he manages to pull himself up on the boat and attack Roman. Meanwhile Jane, who got left behind earlier, has managed to just about catch up to them despite having commandeered what appears to be the Italian version of a motor-pontoon. Also Roman manages to keep his sunnies on throughout their fight which is pretty damn impressive considering that Weller has bodyslammed him a couple of times as well as punching him full on in the face more than once. But eh. Weller does manage to dislodge Roman's jacket as he gets literally kicked off the boat, though. Good thing Captain Jane and her trusty vessel aren't far behind, and pick him up. I like that she called him Weller; that’s right Jane, just because it’s your name now too doesn’t mean you can’t still call him that. Oooooh but rather than being grateful for the rescue, Weller is too busy being upset with Jane for ditching him, which he’s understandably just a tad sensitive about these days. Looks like these guys have still got a little bit to go in terms of getting their groove back. And while Jane is lamenting Roman’s escape, Weller shows her the phone from the pocket of Roman’s jacket, his voice all proud. Yeah, son, you did good.

Back at the lab, Stuart is still being antagonized by Rich, who I have to say pulls off those flowered shirts better than I would have believed possible. Though lbr, I gave up on trying not to be inexplicably attracted to Rich a long time ago. While they’re cracking the encrypted phone, Jeller go ahead with Roman’s plan to get rid of Jane’s bounty. Not that the munchkin is happy about it, of course, but Jane is determined to have her life back-- lbr, after getting to see Weller again after all this time, there’d be no way she could ever let him go again. While Weller’s super against the death-mimicking drug, it gets support from Stuart and Rich, the former in simply confirming that it does what Roman says it does, and the latter detailing his own uses for it which include faked-death border crossings and, of course, ‘some sex stuff’. Not sure I wanna hear the sex stories, but the border crossings one sure has me intrigued. The guys do bring up one catch: if she doesn’t have the antidote within 90 mins, she’ll actually die. Weller is NOT down with that, but before he can even get past the opening statement of his list of all the reasons why this is a Bad Idea, Jane stabs herself in the leg with the needle. His face is the most hilarious thing, like ‘Aaaaand she did the thing. Of course she did the thing. Why do I even ever try to talk her out of the thing, she always just does it anyway.’ lol. But let’s not forget there, he could literally grab the antidote right out of that case and stab her with it right now, completely counteracting the drug’s effects and preventing the plan from being able to go ahead. But she begged him to do it for her-- for them-- and there’s nothing he wouldn’t do for her. Especially if it gives him the love of his life back. And come on, it’s not a true Jeller moment until one of them does something the other tells them not to, nearly dies, and is saved by the other, so…

In the fun bunker, the (now loosely defined) team is trying to figure out where they are (no clue), and why they were taken, and Reade immediately assumes it’s something to do with Zapata’s work at the CIA, and the two of them are immediately at each other’s throats about it before Patterson plays mediator, trying to get everyone to focus. On one hand I agree with Reade, bc the CIA is pretty shady and I don’t trust them, but Zapata’s probably right when she says that it must be about their time in the FBI since all three of them are here. However some Spanish-accented military dudes appear a moment later and tell them to break into a fancy safe or die, and hmmmm that is not quite what I expected. While Patterson assesses the crackability of the safe (fairly easy apparently, and dude how could I ever forget how much I love Patterson) Reade gets his wet-blanket on, and starts preaching about how they shouldn’t open it bc it’s a government safe and might have dangerous secrets inside etc, whereas Zapata is all “pshh, that’s a problem for another day. Today’s problem is not dying” which I fully support. And then they’re at it again (and not ‘at it’ in the sexy way, which in this moment would be uncomfortable for all kinds of reasons) but in the squabbly bickery way, but Patterson interrupts with some much needed truth bombs: Reade is mad at Zapata for leaving, Zapata’s mad at him for freezing her out after she left, and the team fell apart after Jeller left and they’re all still trying to deal with that loss. And ughhh everyone missed each other and they’re all unhappy in their separate lives and clearly the solution here is for everyone to come back to the team and stay together forever and never let Gero break them up ever again ugh. But anyhow, like all Patterson rants, this one results in everyone being like ‘sorry mom what do we need to do’ and ugh I’ve missed themmmmmm

Back in Venice, Weller is rolling a duffel bag with his estranged wife’s death-adjacent body inside. Act natural, Weller, because this would be a really awkward time to get stopped by the cops. Also sidenote, he’s rolling that bag like it doesn’t weigh much at all, which I'm going to pretend is just because he’s jacked and not because there’s actually nothing in the bag that they filmed with lol. Anyhow, the bag is now up on the altar in a church filled with bad guys, and time is running out before Jane needs the antidote. Of course the bounty guy is late. Thanks for my blood pressure issues, Blindspot. Also another sidenote, but the guy who greets him is totally a silver fox. Too bad he’s soon to be either arrested or dead. Finally his boss arrives-- he got caught up watching a glassblower, which tbh I completely understand, bc that kind of thing is awesome-- and then lolllll he listens with a stethoscope for like 2 seconds and then does a blood pressure and then declares Jane dead?? Um, no. As someone who has certified the deaths of many people in the last three years, and also interacted with a lot of death-adjacent people, let me tell you that a) a blood pressure is useless, b) he would need to listen for at LEAST two minutes with the steth, and c) there are several other simple checks he should have done that totally would have given Jane away. But whatevs, his lack of any medical understanding totally works in our favour. Weller is all “cool I love that she’s dead and that I’m getting all the moneys for it, hey can I have a sec with the body please?” but nope, the dude has his cronies ready to take her to the in-house crematorium (wow, talk about a one-stop shop) and Weller’s al ‘coolcoolcool’ *punches the dudes out and stabs Jane’s body right through the bag before being pulled away and having his ass handed to him*. And okay Jane would not have woken up instantly like that but DAMN if it doesn't look cool with her slowly emerging from the bag like an avenging angel (cool parallel with the pilot, of course) and then she’s all ‘how dare u hurt my man’, leading to a shot like in those cartoons where two characters are brawling inside a closed room or building and all you see is like the door bending outwards and clouds of dust puffing up and windows rattling etc, and then BAM BABY, JELLER IS BACK AND KICKING BUTT and also looking like they’re both a little turned on by it which is kind of awkward but at the same time I fully support it and Idk there’s just a lot of emotions going on rn

Rich excitedly confirms that Roman’s plan actually worked and Jane is now free, and ugh I like to think that it’s not just because he can’t believe it worked but more that he’s just really happy for them bc he ships them so much and it also means that they’re going to be coming home and basically I just want the whole gang back together ugh. That might be a little difficult though, as Rich informs them of the not-so-good good news-- Roman sold the other three into slavery, but thankfully he’s freaking awesome (and knows it) because he’s managed to figure out where they were taken. Lol at Weller's “Ugh he’s worse than Patterson” hahahaha. Ugh I just LOVE THESE GUYS. And so the others are apparently being held by the Venezuelan government, and Rich tells Jeller where, but they can’t have any official help (Oh Stuart: “shouldn't we just call the president or something?” my sweet summer child) and so Keaton is there to hook them up with some of his contacts and goddammit why is hating him so damn hard. And awww I love that lil baby Stuart is getting to play with the big kids these days, and awww Hirst is determined to get their ‘friends’ back (not their ‘agents’ or their ‘team’) and ugh this FAMILYYYY. It’s becoming increasingly apparent that the original family of five has now been joined by the cool wine aunt, the awkward and often annoying but also kinda useful uncle, the wacky flamboyant cousin, and the shy young nerd cousin now added into the mix.

In the fun bunker, Patterson is casually cracking the safe while snacking on her MRE, while Reade whines about his own food and Zapata messes with him for entertainment. Ah, good times. Then Patterson opens the safe-- literally the others seem to be barely there for anything other than moral support-- and they realise that the safe contains a government computer, probably with a bunch of dangerous secrets on it. Uh-oh. Before they can argue more about the merits of dying for the cause, though, the baddies arrive. They want Patterson to decrypt the computer which is gonna take a hella long time. Awww ‘we paid for the best computer specialist in the FBI’, and ughhh she really is. And then it turns out that Reade and Zapata are literally just there as incentive for her to get crackin’ or they’ll be killed. Eeeep. But our Patty Pat is a genius, and the baddies made the epic mistake of providing sustenance in the form of MREs. Basically if they use the hot packets from the food to turn the computer into a flashbang, they can distract the baddies long enough to overpower them and escape. Ugh I’m so proud of my lil baby genius. And she makes Reade apologise to the food for badmouthing it hahaha. Man I have missed this lil team so much!!

Up in the sky, Jeller are rushing to save their buddies, but also having The Talk-- aka the ‘what are we now?’ talk, bc lbr Jane so desperately wants their life together back, both as a married couple and as kickass FBI agents, but she doesn’t know if she has the right to have it back or if it's even what he wants, and then he’s all ‘yep let’s be married again we can just sweep this past 18 months under the rug please I’m good with that let’s just do that’ and ugh Jane admits that leaving him and their life was the hardest thing she’d ever done, but-- and man does he feel the ‘but’-- she really found herself after she left him. Oh man, what a kick in the guts. I totally get what she’s saying-- it’s not that she doesn’t want to be with him, or that she can only truly be herself without him, it’s that the puppy-sitting life in backwater Colorado is just not for her (Well, duh). She did it once to make him happy, but she can’t go back to it again or she’ll go stir-crazy. Well, good thing these new tattoos have given them both the perfect excuse to go back to their lives of kicking ass in NYC! Poor Weller though, he doesn’t understand yet, and the way his voice gets a little choked up just kills me. Oh Weller, just because she discovered who she is as a person without you (bearing in mind that pretty much her entire life that she can remember, you’ve been there), doesn’t mean she doesn’t love you with all her heart!

Now Jeller are at the compound, about to search every building individually when the others save them a bunch of time by causing a hell of a ruckus (exploding computers, gunfire, all-round hell breaking loose-- you know, the usual) and so Jeller have to adjust their plans. In a big, kick-ass way. I love the three making their big escape and then seeing the tank a roll up and aim towards them and they’re all ‘shit alright you got us geez we surrender’ and then BAM, the tank destroys the bad guys’ vehicles and probably everyone’s eardrums as well. I just love the wtf moment that these three must have when Weller suddenly pops up out of the tank-- dad’s here guys! Time to go! And then they’re inside and mom is driving and they all probably think that they’re hallucinating from something in the Mexican Style chicken stew and ughhhh they must be so relieved and Jane literally drives over a car bc ain't nothing getting in the way of getting her family to safety. Also lol Patterson must have been raking it in with the app designing because she’s all ‘I gotta buy me one of these’ haha. I’d love to see her cruising around NYC in one hahaha. And then ugh Jeller are all in sync again , taking out the baddies following them and the team is half-confused, half-happy and they have so many questions and then Reade’s “We got time, this tank is slow as hell’ lolllll. Well he’s not wrong…. wonder how long it took for things to get awkward??

Aaaand the team is safely back at the NYO, and Jane is in the scanner again, and Keaton is there again for whatever reason-- oh, because he wants the CIA to take the tattoo cases, while Hirst is all ‘bish please” in her excellent southern accent. So lemme guess, this is about to be a joint task force… and yep, Reade is all ‘this is the most sensible option’ like he totally doesn’t just want Zapata back. Haha yeah Keaton, you get me on this. It’s nice to see Reade stepping up and going head to head with the big kids, though I still don’t think he’s ready to be in this position (Are we forgetting the whole Jones thing and the drug binge??). But whatevs. Reade goes to tell the team about the joint task force and they’re like yeah duh, we’re all already in’. Well, except Patterson, who is playing a little hard to get. Maybe she’s still struggling to deal with all the Sandstorm trauma? And then omg “Rich is gonna brief us in Stuart’s lab” was the perfect sentence to say right then to convince her to stay haha. Well played, Reade. Patterson is not happy at all about Rich being involved, though Reade defends him which feels kinda weird but I also like it. I wanna hear more about their interactions. Again, spin-off, anyone?? Weller is all ‘oh god please where is the briefing just give us the briefing’ so after a lil more Patterson/Rich bickering (ah how I’ve missed that), Stuart tells them what they already know-- lots of tattoos to crack, so they better get…. Cracking (*insert finger guns here*). Patterson is now all in, refusing to leave this to Rich and Stuart (“No offense Stuart” hahahaha), and Jane is in too, despite Hirst offering for her to be free if she wants. Aww, Hirst. You are a sweetie pie. And then Rich: “Backstreets back alright! Six best friends and Stuart!” And UGH YES. Give me all the Rich, and all the Patterson and the Stuart and the ughhhh all of it. I do love that all joking aside, Rich does very genuinely tell Jane it's nice to see her again. He loves his Jane and he would do anything for her ugh

Oooh Jeller in their old apartment, and he’s all unsure whether she really wants to be there with him and she makes it clear that there’s nowhere else she wants to be, and yaaaas my boy acknowledges that the move to Colorado really didn’t fit her and that she’d given up a lot of her own happiness and personal meaning just to make him happy. So now they just need to strike a balance, which is all she wants-- to be there with him and be happy and in luuuurve while also kicking butt and saving people. And then ugh he pulls her ring out of his pocket and he’s been carrying it EVERY DAY since she left and he rushes to tell her that she doesn’t have to put it back on until she’s ready and ugh she takes it and kisses him and then lord save me from how husky her voice goes when she tells him she’s missed him so much and ughhhhh he’s missed her too and ugh my babies are about to have reunion sex on multiple surfaces in the house and I’m so happy for them. Damn Gero yet again you have managed to make the thought of 18 awful months completely disappear in the face of this excellence, and it’s all too easy to just let you make me forget, and ugh I want to stay upset about it but I just can’t. Damn it you crafty wizard, how have you gotten me so under your spell….

Lol Aunty Hirst checking in with Reade, seeing if he’s okay with all his fam coming back, but also warning him (and us) that none of these people are the same as they were two years ago. And to prove that point, uncle Keaton and Zapata are having their own, much shadier little conference about one of the tattoos, one that clearly points to something related to either them or the CIA in general, but it’s something they’re both very familiar with and won’t let the others find out about. Oooh, secrets. Speaking of secrets, Rich and Patterson have apparently been interacting regularly over the last two years??? And before anyone goes there, NO, I I don’t think their relationship is at all romantic or sexual. I think they’ve been business partners of a sort (probably with Boston as well, since he and Patterson kinda became buds) and I also think that Patterson has been secretly helping Rich help the FBI with their cases. But again, I want to hear ALL about whatever they’ve been up to bc ugh I love these two and their dynamic though I also kinda wanna give Rich a hug and tell Patterson to be nicer to her weirdo cousin haha. Oh wait, you thought we were done with the secrets???? Nope, Jane is looking unhappy and hiding a bunch of passports (probably given to her by Keaton) away the moment Weller leaves, and he steps outside their (apparently-renovated) building and immediately encounters Roman, who basically blackmails him to help him with tattoo-related stuff or he’ll tell Jane about ‘what happened in Berlin’. Weller is agrees to help immediately, which kinda makes it seem like whatever happened in Berlin was really, really bad. And again NO IT WAS NOT SOMETHING ROMANTIC OR SEXUAL. Geez, people. Neither Jane nor Weller would have slept with anyone else during their separation. To think so would be to have no understanding of either of the characters, or their character growth. Far more likely Weller did something that would be considered illegal or amoral, like killing someone, or something. Personally I think he and Roman encountered each other in Berlin and had an altercation wherein Weller injured and very nearly killed Roman, and Roman only survived by pure luck? That feels like a thing he’d want to keep from Jane, that he nearly killed her only family? Plus then he would kind of ‘owe’ Roman as well,. But idk, maybe it was something even shadier. Guess we’ll find out….

And so okay, I admit it. You've won, Gero. You’ve done a ton of things that have upset me or that I object to on multiple levels, but try as I might I can’t escape from your web. Looks like I’m stuck with this show, which means you guys are stuck with me and my recaps...

#Blindspot #Blindspot recap #Jeller #goddammit show how do you pull me in like this

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