#they call it creepy and weird and obsessive and wow i want to commit murder

[patchesjam]

btw i hope every single person that ever treated that time dream found tommy’s disc by using the sounds in minecraft to locate it like it was creepy and obssessive c!dream doing it dies a really horrible slow painful death slash srs 

[sinfulseashell]

A question for the yan! bonten boys: what if their s/o is yandere for them? And what would be their reactons to their s/o killing someone for them?

Y!Mikey: “Obsessed….with me?” He frowns looking away and shaking his head. “There isn’t enough room for both of us to be obsessed…” he whispers softly. All the while a soft blush burns his cheeks while just having simple thoughts of someone being obsessed with him.

Y!Sanzu: His eyes light up like stars at the thought that someone could be obsessed with him, even to the point of committing murder. “W-with me? Wow…” his cheeks flush as he looks away a little bashful now. “If my darling cared so much for me…then consider me a married man!” He smiled brightly.

Y!Takeomi: “My little one being so careless and obsessed? Well I’ll have to make sure I keep them on a tight leash now…won’t I? Can’t have my darling being so murderous on these streets.” He chuckles while rubbing his thighs. “It would be cute…” the soft crimson kissing his cheeks are evident as he begins to think of his little on being so passionate about him.

Y!Kokonoi: “Why do I keep coming here…” he hissed while looking away. “To answer your question simply it would be too much for me. It’s…different when I am engrossed in my darling, but to have them so…engaged with me is well…overwhelming.” He sighs and rubs his temple. “Not that…I wouldn’t accept their passionate love in a weird…endearing way.”

Y!Rindou: “I agree. It’s weird and kind of creepy, but I could possibly deal with it…only if they didn’t try to kill me or frame me in the end.” He hums in thought.

Y!Ran: “He has been watching that show called You. So yeah…he finds it creepy.” He chuckles.

Y!Ran: “As for me, well I wouldn’t be surprised that my darling is obsessed with me actually I expect it. I mean look at me who wouldn’t be obsessed? Besides having them murder someone for me is so romantic…don’t you think?”

Sea: 😐🫠 (not putting my input lowkey looking at all the photos of Ran I have 😅)

Y!Mochi: “Well I mean technically I kill people so…it wouldn’t be that different? I mean yes it might be overwhelming, but the idea that someone would do this…for me? Well it is…kind of romantic.”

Y!Ran: “—and here I thought you were nothing but an angry little man.” He chuckles.

Y!Kakucho: He is silent as he stares at the ground for a moment before finally speaking. “I wouldn’t want my darling to do something so dangerous…especially if it’s over me. Their life is more important…” closes his eyes and shakes his head. “I wouldn’t like it…they would be putting themselves in danger. I’m not worth that effort.” He whispers.

Sea: 🥺 *gives him hugs and head pats* you are worth it Cho 😭💖

Y!Kakucho: Sits there frozen in place, “Please stop…”

(P.S- Im sorry this took so long my little siren 😭 I hope you enjoy this 💖)

[jupitermelichios]

Smallville S2E22: Calling

There is 0 cannibalism in this episode, and the only murders are committed by Clark, so I think that makes this a filler. This is the Smallville equivalent of a beach episode.

“There’s been a complete normalisation of his higher brain functions” Patient, eyes rolled back in his head like the kid from the exorcist, “The Day is Coming The Day is Coming The Day is Coming…” Yup, that’s why I call a normally functioning brain!

Wow Clark, Lana does possibly the first legitimately nice thing anyone in this show who isn’t Lex or Whitney has ever done, and Clark’s reaction is to bitch about her making him a homemade birthday cake isn’t enough about his Man Pain. “This might not even be my biological birthday, it’s just a day my parents picked to give me cake and presents and tell me how glad they are they adopted me, birthdays suck.” *LittleKuriboh voice* Our Protagonist Ladies and Gentlemen!

So cut from Clark kissing Lana to him coming down from his bedroom grinning and his mom saying “so how was the party” – did Clark and Lana actually canonically fuck?! I was expecting at least another three seasons of pining before we got there. Good job guys, look at you being proactive.

Oh god is just occurred to me that if they’re fucking they could potentially breed. Oh gods in heaven please don’t let them breed. There are already way too many pregnancy subplots in this show, by which I mean there are more than 0 pregnancy subplots

It’s so sad that the closest thing to healthy parental figures in Lex’s life are the Kents of all people.

Oh fuck you Chloe, your friendship with Lana was literally the only thing going for you as a character and you seem determined to ruin that every time you open your fucking mouth

Holy shit, was Clark Lana’s one night stand? Is she just going to ghost him now she got some D? Because honestly, that’s the correct decision in this situation.

Every time I thin Jonathan Kent couldn’t get any worse, he finds new and exciting way to be a bastard. Just because you’re standing in for Lex’s dad at his wedding doesn’t mean you have to turn into a depressingly straight discount Lionel Luthor! And if I wasn’t already team angry-cupboard-sex-doctor I would be now because she’s the only one in this fucking show who’s prepared to call Jonathan on his bullshit!

Lex is trying to find fun bonding activities to do with Clark, but obviously Clark is going to blow him off for angsting about Lana, because Lex can’t have nice things

He’s the absolute worst, but honestly Lionel is the best thing about this damn show. He’s the only one in Smallville having any fun.

Holy shit cows! They have cows! Okay, they have a cow and a chicken, but animals! Animals who eat animal feed! I’ve been waiting nearly 2 season for this pay off and it’s honestly more narratively satisfying than any of the actual plot in this show.

“I know what we have to do. We have to kill… Clark Kent.” Ahhhhh, I see what you did there writers.

Oh good Chloe’s here. Yay.

“Hey I was wondering whether you want to blow off your best friend’s wedding and spending time with your girlfriend to help me write a story on how a man who was isn’t a coma isn’t in a coma now.” Yeah Chloe that sounds thrilling, lets do your thing. Definitely better than going to Lex’s wedding rehearsal.

Okay on the one hand I like that the costume designers have gone to the trouble of giving Clark a really horrible ill fitting suit. On the other hand I so sad for Lex that he didn’t get to indulge in his canonical favourite hobby of dressing Clark up in expensive suits.

“What, you an known evil billionaire were helping a high schooler get a job at a national newspaper for ulterior motives? How could I ever have predicted that?!”

Oh my gods Clark, how are you making Lex’s literal actual wedding rehearsal all about you? Because that is a special level of dickery!

Wait, the doctor has the Kyptionian key McGuffin. The one hidden in the jar of flour in the Kent’s kitchen. Did he just go through every container in the house?! How fucking long was the rehearsal dinner?!

“We will do battle… with ancient Egyptian laser beams!” And I know no one except me is appreciating the YuGiOh Abridged references in this review, but seriously, the linguist archaeologist man (who as established in previous reviews is terrible and his death may actually marginally improve the fields of both linguistics and archaeology) is just fucking shooting laser beams at Clark, and Clark is using his heat vision on him, and we’re somehow supposed to take this seriously

Aaaand Clark just killed a man. I’d make a joke about how unheroic that is, but he literally committed his first murder in episode two of this show so at this point I think we’re all expecting it.

Okay, I get how to a normal person Lex keeping copies of Martha Kent’s medical records would be creepy and off putting, but angry cupboard sex doctor has been engaged to him for over half a season. How the fuck is Lex being weird and obsessive a surprise to her at this point!

Man, I hate to give the Smallville writers props for anything, but they’re actually doing a really good job with Lex’s slippery slop into becoming a man who would give himself cancer by wearing a Kryptonite ring. Which begs the question, how the fuck did the same people write everything else that’s happened in this damn show.

Ah early 2000s fashion, you were certainly… a thing.

I know they’re trying to string out a one season love story into 10 fucking seasons, but there is seriously no reason for Clark not to just fucking tell Lana about his superpowers.

Chloe: breaks into Clark’s house and spies on him making out with Lana. Also Chloe: Oh my god why would Clark force me to watch this when he knows it would upset me? Fuck you Chloe, you are 10 gallons of asshole in a 2 gallon jug and I hope you drown

[ssnakey-b]

Final Fantasy VIII English-French Translarison, part 10: oh Zell, you’re such a (prison) riot!

Hi again, everyone and welcome to the milestone 10th part! Now, for this very special episode of the Translarion, I promise comparisons between dialogue and localizations, and bad jokes. So yeah business as usual. Let’s get started, shall we?

So Zell just woke up and while one hot guy waking up in prison with three beautiful ladies sounds like the setup for a porn scene, this isn’t anything like that, at least not until I finish writing my fanfic.

Instead, the first line of dialogue already gives us an opportunity to do some translarizin’ (yeah, it’s a verb now). In the English version, Quistis greets Zell by going “Ahh, welcome back, Zell. The ‘Dream world’ again?” and in the French version, she says “Pleased to see you again, Zell. ‘the parallel world’ again?”

So yeah, not very different but I did want to point out the French term for the “dream world”. I also love how casual Quistis is about all that in both versions. Says a lot about her.

She does have more experience than them too, so I guess she’d be more clam in these kinds of situations. Though I wonder exactly how much field actions she’s actually seen considering I don’t imagine they routinely send 15-year-olds on dangerous missions and it’s mentioned she became an instructor at 17, not counting training and tests that I assume are required to become one, so again, I wonder on how many missions she went before this.

Soon after is another one, which i think is another good illustration of the differences in characterization. After Zell describes his dream as Ward, English Quistis asks “So, what is this we’re experiencing?”, to which Zell responds “How the hell should I know?”. In French, she asks “But how does this relate to us?” and Zell answers “no idea”.

So Quistis isn’t that different, but I noticed English Zell tends to be a bit more rash and even rude at times and, for lack of a better word, loud. And as much as I like the French version’s more subtle dialogues, sometimes I wish the French version of Zell took some cues from the English one as I think it fits his energetic personality better, plus I feel like Zell is constantly trying to look tough and break his “nice guy” image, which is also probably why he looks like the stereotypical anime delinquent, even though he’s just a peach.

Next is a funny little one when Selphie says they gotta escape. In the French version shown above, she says “Sick of being prisoners! We should try and escape!” but in the English one, she says “Well... since we’re prisoners... shouldn’t we be trying to break out of here!?” as if she just wanted to respect traditions.

And to continue the trend of Zell beng more restrained in French:

After Linoa asks him if the room they’re in looks familiar, English Zell think “Of all the stupid questi...”. Wow Zell, geeze, chill out. She’s just trying to help. However, French Zell is slightly nicer, thinking “Are you crazy or someth...”. Okay, so it’s not that much better but I guess it comes across less mean in French.

Quistis is providing us with yet another difference here. In the English version, she says “It’s no surprise we’re in jail, we did attack the sorceress...” and while there’s nothing wrong with the line itself, it is a bit weird as it seems to imply she thinks it would have been fine had they attacked anybody else.

The French one makes more sense to me in this context, as here she goes “It’s not just prison we have to worry about! A murder attempt is very serious.” which not only brings up the very likely possibility of them being sentenced to death, but also acknowledges that, you know, they would have gotten in trouble regardless of who their target was.

There’s also a bit I find somewhat amusing that French Zell refers to Irvine as a pretty boy. Well, specifically, he calls him a “bellâtre”, which is one of those terms that can’t really be directly translated. But basically, it’s used to describe a man who’s trying very hard to be handsome, but without personality or charm behind it. You know, like Seif-*slaps self* NO! Bad Ssnakey! Enough shitting on Seifer, you’ve already used up your allowance!

Here’s the scene where Squall wakes up and there’s a slight variation on what he thinks when he realizes he doesn’t have a wound from the ice spike. In the English version, he wonders “I... challenged Edea... My wound... ......? No wound...? How...?”. In the French one, he thinks “I fought Edea. My wound... What wound? How...?”

Doesn’t change much but it does feel a little different, doesn’t it? The French version almost feels like he’s wondering if he really did get injured if it was an illusion or what, whereas in the English version, he sounds more sure that he was physically injured.

Either way, this scene makes me wonder if the idea is that Edea’s magic, while it does actually do damage, is illusionary and therefore doesn’t leave physical wounds. Alternately, she could have just used her powers to heal him since she clearly wants him alive.

Here’s something funny. No, not Zell being brutally beaten up, but a difference  that made me chuckle once I noticed it. In the English version, this asshole guard just says “Hey man, is there a Rinoa with you?” but in French, he says “hey, sweet cheeks, are you Linoa?”.

You know, as dark as the scene is, I do love how the French version of the line gives it an extra layer by turning it into a taunt.

Here’s an interesting one. As Squall is racking his own brain about SeeD, in the English version, he refers to them as “combat specialists” at some point but in the French version, where this part should come in, he instead refers to them as “idealist mercenaries”, which is also how the blurb in the game leaflet (remember those? In fact, remember physical copies of games?) and official material describes SeeD in French.

There’s also a small difference a bite later. English Seifer asks “There must be some kind of secret you’re given when you become a SeeD!”, whereas French Seifer is more specific, asking “There’s got to be some sort of secret rite taught to newbies!”

Both versions are a bit odd when you think about it. For starters, Seifer knows Squall & Co went on their first mission just a few hours after graduating (thanks for that, by the way, Cid!), so English Seifer expecting Squall to be told some kind of valuable secret in such a short amount of time doesn’t really make sense.

Of course, French Seifer isn’t much better because... what exactly would Edea gain from knowing whatever dumb hazing ritual they may possibly have? “Ha haaa! Edea, I have learned their greatest secret: Zell was passed out drunk, and they drew dicks on his face with a sharpie!”

Then again, it does serve one very important purpose, which is to show how pointless torture really is. Seifer is convinced Squall knows some sort of secret he’s keeping, so he wants to torture him until he gives it up. But of course, there is no such secret so even if he wanted to, he would have nothing to say. Of course, he would very much like to stop being tortured, please, so he’ll probably feed you bullshit.

So yeah, even if you want to try and justify torture by saying it’s a necessary evil (always a convenient excuse for gratuitously persecuting people), it’s a bullshit argument because people who do know important stuff will almost certainly not spit it out or tell you lies instead, and those who don’t know anything will either keep saying they know nothing because it’s the truth or again, tell you lies just to make it stop.

So not only is torture a very weak way of obtaining information, you’ll probably end up with a negative net result due to wasting your time on false information. You know, in case the whole “it’s inhuman and people who perform or order it should not be allowed in society” thing was commie bullshit to you.

And that is actually a big part of the reason why this scene is always so genuinely creepy to me. There’s something very real about Squall’s helplessness. Seifer isn’t going to stop until he thinks he’s got what he wants. And Squall couldn’t even give Seifer what he seeks if he wanted to because he doesn’t have it.

Well, that sure is a tangent, I went on. Back to the translarison, because we actually have quite a big difference here:

Not only is the dialogue quite different, the two versions of the first part are almost polar opposites, and then the talk about Squall swearing his undying hatred to Seifer is just gone, which is a pity as I really like it; it highlights how Seifer is completely lost in his obsession of living a romantic story.

In fact, one thing I gotta give the English translation is that Seifer has been consistently better than in the French one. I still find him to be an obnoxious, one-dimensional asshole, but there’s at least an attempt at giving him more personality.

This, by the way, is one of the few Seifer moments I genuinely like... and that actually highlights why I think they dropped the ball with him.

I really, really love this idea of Seifer being in this completely delusional fantasy of being a noble knight fighting an evil conspiracy against the sorceress. It even makes a nice dark mirror to Squall’s later promise of being Linoa’s knight even if she becomes “the world’s enemy”.

The problem is, they don’t actually do anything with that. That is pretty much the only scene where we get some of that. Every other one of his appearances is basically “Mwahaha! I love being evil for the sake of evil!”

Seifer could have been a much more memorable villain if they really wrote him to genuinely think he was a hero hunting evil war profiteers, instead of this one-note lunatic who seriously does the evil laugh on multiple occasions and delights in committing genocide. You could even show some tragedy by having them be sorry that Squall has become his enemy, but thinking Squall is the one who got corrupted.

You know what? I think Seifer done right would basically be Handsome Jack from Borderlands 2. He’s still a cocky asshole, but the thing is, he believes he’s the hero fighting a terrorist army. Writing Seifer like this would have worked so, so much better while still keeping some lovably hateable traits.

Back to the translarison.

here, in the English version, Selphie’s line is fairly straightforward going “Draw... Cure!” which is a bit weird as there’s no Cure draw point in the area. In the French version, as you can see, she says “Cure made in Selphie!” which does sound a bit awkward when said in English, but I think is quite fitting of her personality.

There’s also a weird bit in the French version when she heals the Moomba, where she says “Soigner”, which means ”cure” as a verb, instead of “Soin”, the noun equivalent, which is what the spell is actually called.

Back to the scene which i have no doubt launched a thousand smutty fanfics. For starters, when you are given an option on what to tell the guard, both versions have one answer that says “just let me die”, but the other option is slightly different, with the English one saying “... I’ll lie... I must... live...” and the French one saying “I will not... talk”.

If you pick the “just let me die” option, instead of telling the guard “your breath stinks”, French Squall will straight-up say “You really... stink!”. That’s right, French Squall thinks it’s his entire body that stinks! Also, here’s another thing I never noticed before, Squall actually spits in the guard’s face after insulting him. Hot damn, he really wanted him to know he meant it. You know Squall has had just about enough when he’s actually being emotional.

Oh alright, I know what you all want to know, how does the French version of the “we plant flowers” speech go? Answer: not very differently, actually. Seriously, the speech is pretty much the same, although what’s interesting is that of course, the French version has to explain what “seed” means or it doesn’t work, an the text does mention that it’s an English word, so both the French and English languages are canon within the French version of FF8, gotcha.

We have another small tonal difference in Selphie’s speech. In the English version, she says “What do we do? Just stay here? We’ll get tortured for sure!” while in the French version, she says “We gotta do something! We can’t stay here. We’re gonna be tortured!!!”.

There’s a bigger change a couple lines later, when English Selphie infamously suggests skinning the Moomba and wearing its skin as a disguise, French Selphie instead suggests... stealing its clothes? Hum... Selphie, I think you’re very confused. At least I am.

There are some small differences in what Quistis, Selphie and Zell say after he gets everyone’s weapons back. Instead of “Time to go kick some ass!”, Zell says “Alright, time to go tickle them a little!”.

Instead of a disturbingly enthusiastic “YES!”, Quistis says “Perfect!”

Instead of “Right on!” Selphie says “Impec!”, which is short for “impeccable” which in this context, pretty much means “awesome!”. And most importantly...

Instead of just growling, the Moomba goes “Victoru!” which as you may have guessed, is kind of a corruption of “victoire”, which as you may also have guessed, means “victory”.

Man, I love this! as if Moombas couldn’t get any cuter and more awesome. And yeah, as we’ll probably see throughout the game, the French version had a lot of fun with the Moombas’ language.

That’s another thing where I wonder if that’s just something the French translator(s) came up with or if other versions have similar things. And just for fun...

Yup, even for something like this, my theory of the French version generally being more restrained holds true. I also love how in both versions, while everyone else is screaming, Quistis is just done.

On a slightly more serious note, we have a difference in the next line. In the English text, Biggs says “Now we’ll teach you the lesson we should have taught you earlier!” whereas the French one says “We’re going to finish you, this time!”

There’s also a small difference during the ensuing fight, as upon being defeated, Biggs says “Me, a lieutenant, how shameful.” instead of “What’s below lieutenant?”

And much to my delight, we end on more Moombayisms! Again, the English version just has it growl or whisper something when asked for ideas on how to find Squall, whereas in the French localisation, it says something that could be translated as “Dunno no mo, sorrew...”.

Freaking amazing!

And that’s where we’ll end this session. Wow, that one had quite a bit of material, didn’t it? Well, I’ll be seeing you next time for the great escape. Or at least the beginning of it.

As ever, do not hesitate to comment or ask questions and if you like what you read, please do reblog this post, it helps immensely.