#they cake fuckin fell apart when i tried to frost it
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toxicanaconda · 11 days ago
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Introducing: worlds ugliest fuckin cake
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xxrainstormxx · 5 years ago
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Save it Lover Boy. Spencer Reid x Reader (Save it for the Doctor Part 2)
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(A/N: In this story it’s been a few months. I’m not great at focusing on the Romance part but there is a little more than there was last time. I really hope you guys enjoy!) Word count: 2,405 Part 1 (edit: my pleas for requests for stories are not reaching people so I will beg here. If you want a oneshot I’ll write it. Prompt or no prompt.)
After the incident with my sister, my life was flipped around for the better. I began to date Spencer, the team being unaware. I finished college and thanks to a few strings JJ and Aaron had pulled I was now the BAU's personal assistant. Granted, it was a unpaid internship so it was not very glamorous but it got me the experience I need, especially if I want to be apart of this specific team. I was the one who got coffee, filled out unrelated paper work, helped JJ set up stations and boards. I still hadn't quite gotten used to that sinking feeling when the phone rings. Or when JJ approaches your desk, or the photos. You never get used to not sleeping in your own bed, the hotels, no moments of privacy, the monsters, families loosing each other. Or the pictures, it's disgusting. I especially never got used to how numb all my friends were numb to it all at the end of the day. Especially Spence, he'd been through utter hell and yet he was still sweet and managed to smile. It worried me sometimes, how relaxed they could be at the end of the day. 
So, JJ and I were setting up everything on the board. I frowned at the woman on the board. Only one, we caught it just in time for it to become a murder. It made me sick to think there was a possibility we could save the 25 year old, but instead we were called in after it became a bigger problem which made me feel sick. How easily someone gets away with something until they commit the actual murder. This woman was a very lively person. She clearly didn't deserve what she had gotten. "Samantha Burkly" JJ said softly "Poor woman." She said and left to talk to the others leaving me sitting in the conference room just tapping away at the laptop provided. I was also little Miss Penelope Garcia's assistant so I was stuck digitizing files she didn't want to, and it fucking sucked dirty dick. Yeah, let that sink in. Anyway I felt a few pairs of eyes on me only to look up and see the team staring at me through the cursed window of the room. "What?" I rose a brow causing a few to look away Spencer's eyes lingering, he was waiting for something. I don't think either of us knew what so I blew him a kiss and a subtle wink making him look away turning pink. That same shade of pink when he found me innocent and began what I would come to know as a very normal rant. His epiphanies, or what I called "braingasms" (which he absolutely despised), would strike a chord 99% of the time, and the other 1% could be brushed off as "Reid being Reid" which kinda upset me. He was a damn genius and yet no one seemed to want to listen. Sure I hadn't been around as long a the others but I would sit and listen to Spence talk for hours when on dates, I would nod, as questions and get very thoughtful and honest answers. Sure they weren't always what someone would want to hear, but did anyone ever tell you it would be good news. Reid and I could also have a very thoughtful debate. Now was that normal for couples, no, probably not. But at least he had facts to back up his opinion, making it a real debate and not just some senseless argument that fell into pointless attacks on the other person leading to a fight and rough makeup sex. Which I wouldn't mind but it'd only been a few months, and didn't wanna make an uncomfortable situation we could easily talk through anyway. What was I doing? Right, paperwork. 
As I ended my very long side rant and staring into space while also staring directly at Spencer's ass, I turned to my computer. "You shouldn't stare at people baby cakes." I heard causing me to jump out of my damn seat. "I was staring into space. Jesus Derek you scared the shit out of me!" I cursed glancing to the man with his nose in a file I was digitizing, "Sorry hun. But we need a fresh pair of eyes" he said gesturing to a new less dusty file on the table in front of my computer. I recognized the face on the front as the same woman on the board. Her name written on the front clear as day. I knew what was inside and I was proud to have not seen it but now it disturbed me that my eyes were being referred to as "Fresh" in that way. It made me feel dirty and violated in a whole new way. "Why? You guys know this case inside and out. I'm just the intern." I said and snatched the older file out of his hand. I knew this poor case inside and out by now. Decapitation and sexual assault of the esophagus. Real nasty shit ya know? The woman was 22 and then a man was found two weeks later with the same thing. But the case went cold 7 years ago. It was sad. The woman's mother had killed herself and the man's father disowned his son assuming he was gay because a man did that to the literally gaping hole in his neck. It was one of the bigger case files full of dead ends. I had become intimately aware of all the details of the case, even the signature, something overlooked by the police because they thought decapitation and violation of the hole in the neck was it, and while rare that wasn't the case. It was a soft lipstick mark left on the victims hands next to the stamp of the club they went too. It was pink so very easily missed. "Because baby, you're gonna need to get used to this if you ever wanna be promoted. You can't react like you did back in January and vomit on the floor." Derek chided me softly "Fine, But you have to stop calling me baby, we aren't together. Also stop touching the files they're in alphabetical order and you're fuckin it up" I hissed smacking his hand away from another file at the bottom of the stack. "pissin me off Agent Moron" I wailed as he laughed at the new insult. I could literally feel Spencer's jelousy from the next room. It was honestly kind of cute but I could not be thinking of my boy's sweet face at the moment, I was about to see what really happened to poor Samantha Burkly. I took the new file off the table and opened it to the pictures and I was hit with a familiarity. "Derek this isn't funny. I was just looking at this file" I declared nonchalantly as I lobbed it back onto the table going back to the laptop "What the hell are you talking about?" He asked "that's a brand new file" He said "A red headed woman decapitated with semen in her esophagus and a pink lipstick mark on her hand next to it? That Hellen Barsly not the Burkly girl" I stated "You leave out Jason Green to make it more realistic?" I muttered never once looking up "Pin lipstick mark?" he questioned grabbing the file "I'll be damned there it is. You barely looked at it. That woman is Samatha Burkly" he blinked "Har har Derek" I hissed snatching the file and opened the file as Spencer walked in to listen. I barely acknowledged him because I was pissed at this point.
"I know the Banshee Hunter of West Point case better than my own fucking computer history" I said and held it up to the picture before being shocked as I saw that the decapitated woman was in fact Samantha. Right next to her living photo. "The what?" Reid asked, clearly never having heard of it. "Oh my god. OH MY GOD" I yelled and ran back to my seat pulling out all the files related to The BHWP case, I knew full well that this case was bigger than it seems. "Penelope has me on digital file duty and these cases caught my attention for some reason. The case went cold 7 years ago." I mumbled pulling up all the files that were back at the office in my desk as I'd finished them. I had a whole folder for all the connected cases, even ones where the M.O and victimolgy had changed. "The first murder dated back to 1970. A woman by the name of Jenny Boil had disappeared, she was 24 years old. Found decapitated in the middle of the highway her esophagus had been sexually assaulted. She had red hair with a soft pink kiss mark on her hand and her mouth had been stretched open like a banshee. And because her hair was red along with numerous victims leading up to the sudden coldness of the case. There are cases where the victimology changed completely or the M.O so the police never connected them or assumed they were copy cats" I rambled as I quickly set up a time line that ended with Samantha "and now hes back with the latest victim" I hit enter and the time line stretched across the screen victims all over the screen. "the pink lip stick marks. Originally they were thought to be remorse but I think this guy has some kind of fucked up chivalrous attempt" I squawked and pushed my chair to the whiteboard standing on it feeling eyes on me. I didn't know or care how many. I heard frantic flipping and click me. "This guy has over 100 known victims only 12 of them not red heads. Only 11% of his victims don't fit the victims and only 3 don't fit the M.O of the others making that 2%!" I yelled as if I was Spencer. I could feel my face turning red with adrenaline. "Now all of these cases 100 percent all have a kiss mark on the hand, same brand and color of lipstick, A frosted pink lipstick, 67 Peach Pink from the brand Nestacia" I wrote that down "And all these cases I noted have three different overlapping suspects" I said pushing Spencer out of the way of my computer and printed up their pictured and grabbed them hanging them up "Now!" I continued slapping the board "This man right here is no Biological male! His name is Tyler Grant a 59 Year old trans man! He couldn't have done it but that doesn't mean he couldn't have helped" I said noticing the whole team in the room. No one tried to interrupt because I assumed I looked batshit insane. 
I was right cause I caught my refection and my hair was everywhere now, I was sweating, and my pupils were shaking. I didn't care I was on a roll. "There is no plausible way the semen belongs to him!" I said "These also can't be a copy cat killer-" I began before being unceremoniously interrupted again "But how do you-" he began before i loudly shushed Spencer. "Save it lover boy! I'm getting to that! Lemme talk your turn in over" I said making him smile just a little "As i was saying, it can't be a copy cat killer because there was also another unnoticed factor! The strange shape of the lips! No one draws on their lips this way but the pallet is larger on one side than the other. The killer has a cleft pallet, which cannot be a coincidence!" I said "and as you can see! This man right here! Leston Nikolia has a cleft pallet. But because they never had proof he'd done it due to the overlooked lipstick marks he walked free!" I yelled circling him "And we don't talk about Henry for the simple fact that he is Impotent and was in jail during the last 7 murders before Samantha and he's dead now!" I finished and took a large inhale and sat down "the lip stick is enough reasonable suspicion to bring him in for questioning. He's a coward. He cannot face people head on and most likely has high anxiety and is easily paranoid it wouldn't be hard to get a correct confession." I panted "Reid! Is this what it feels like when you solve a fucking problem? I feel like my brain just had 7 orgasms" I wished sitting back "It was always circumstantial but now that there a new victim sitting in front of me I'm sure it was him" I wished taking more deep breaths "I'm going to call Garcia and see if I can get a fact check on everything." Aaron began making my heart sink, please please don't discredit everything I just gave you. "JJ can you get us a location? Reid get started on a warrant the minute JJ gets it, Derek get a game plan together, Prentiss and I will do more investing on this Nikolia guy, and (Y/N)." he finished turning to me. "Keep going over every file you have and see if you can connect anymore of these murders. Good work" He said and the team began to work. "Holy shit" I gasped and Spencer smiled at me "You might have just solved this case." He said kissing my forehead "and I'm so damn proud" he whispered. I was still riding my knowledge high, the adrenaline still pumping so not caring that we were at work, I kissed Spencer straight on the lips. He froze because we were still in a work setting but slowly kissed back. His lips were soft, we hadn't had a proper first kiss, just forehead kisses, cheek pecks, and occasional pecks on the lips if Spencer was feeling sausey. I just giggled pulling back "That was... so much at once. How does your brain do that all the time?" I asked "Mine's been doing it a lot longer. See you after work okay?" he whispered and went to do his job "Right. Work" I whispered and sighed turning to my laptop cracking my knuckles doing real work for the first time in my internship. Who knows, maybe me and Penelope could do this kind of thing together!
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gvf-imagine · 5 years ago
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Greta Van Fleet Preferences
HOW YOU MEET
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Danny:
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How you meet
“Ill be out here when you're ready to show me” your friend calls , knocking on your dressing room door. You give a simple “ok” as a reply and begin to undress. You're going to a wedding this weekend and your friend is helping you find something to wear, she found her dress weeks ago, you struggled in the fashion department. 
Your eyes fell on the dress your friend had picked out for you. It was a very gentle pink color and came down to your mid thigh, it was tight not flowy which was far from your normal attire. It looked nice enough but the price tag frightened you. You pulled it off the hanger and shimmied into it. Honestly, you thought you looked great, perhaps you should step outside your comfort zone more often when it came to clothing. The dress hugged your curves , which made you feel insecure but it's a wedding so no one will be looking at you, all eyes on the bride, hopefully. You fix your hair and pose for yourself, it was comfortable, surprisingly.  Ok time to show her. 
“So what do you think of this one? I kinda like it!” you say as you swing the changing room door open, your gaze looking down at the dress. 
“Yeah you look great” a man's voice responds, your heart jumps and you lift your head quickly. Your face burns red as your friend is nowhere in sight. In her place is a tall dark haired man casually looking through some belts. Your shoulders drop as you curse yourself. Idiot. 
“Oh i'm sorry! My friend said she'd be waiting out here for me” you reply with a smile, trying to pretend like you didnt feel like throwing yourself off a bridge. The man chuckles “oh yeah she left , said there was a cute guy that walked by” he answered looking towards the front of the store. God that is just like her, chasing after some dude. 
“It really does look nice on you” the man says again. You smile and look down at yourself “you think so? I usually don't wear this sort of thing, but i'm going to a wedding”  you explain with a chuckle. He nods, his eyes have not left you. 
“Yeah you look awesome, I think you should get it” he speaks reassuringly. 
“Holy fuck!” you exclaim then quickly cover your mouth, you didn't mean to be that loud. The man laughs and steps closer to you as you look at the price tag hanging from the hem of the dress. 
“This fuckin thing is 400$?! Jesus christ , I could make my own dress for 50$” you joke. Your shoulders sink, you really wanted this dress. The man laughs loudly.
“You're funny,” he chimes. He looks at your face, painted with disappointment. 
“Hey I could - I could buy it for you” he offers. You look at him in awe. 
“Its…….400 dollars….Why would you do that for me? You dont have to do that its just a stupid dress im sure I can find a cheaper one” You respond waving his idea away with your hand. 
“It's ok , I can afford it, I want you to have it” he insists. You don't know what to say , you just look at him. 
“On one condition though” he adds with a smile. 
“Yeah what?” you ask. 
“You have to take me as your date” he says shyly
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Jake:
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Ok just breathe, you're fine , everythings fine. You tell yourself as your heart pounds in your chest. You were at an amusement park and about to go on the biggest roller coaster they had due to a dare from your friends, who were watching safely from the ground. Some random man is sitting in the seat beside you as two people had to share a cart. He didn't seem nervous and you wished you could be as relaxed as him. 
“Hey are you alright?” he asks , as if he knew you were thinking about him. 
“Oh um yeah im-im ok” you lied your mouth going dry. He smiles at you and watches you for a moment. 
“Are you though? Cuz your leg is shaking pretty vigorously there” he points out, his eyes falling to your body. You hadn't even noticed you were bouncing your leg anxiously. 
You stop.
“I'm sorry , I'm just a bit nervous I suppose, I'm kind of scared of roller coasters” you explain with a sheepish smile. 
“Kinda weird to go on the biggest one here then right?” he responds you chuckle at his remark. 
“Yeah my friends dared me, they are down there” you say pointing in their direction. He looks down and sees a small group of people looking up at you. The wind blew and you looked up at the clouds in search of comfort and solace. 
“Well My Name is Jake, and i've been on this ride a million times, you're going to be ok” He says with a reassuring tone of voice. He could sense how scared you actually were even though you tried your hardest to shrug it off. 
“Thanks Jake…..that helps. I’m (y/n) by the way its nice to meet you.” you reply smiling, feeling slightly better. Jake was a good distraction, he was gorgeous, chestnut brown hair that fell to his broad shoulders. Enticing eyes that made you wanna know more about him and his voice was sweet and soothing. You couldn't help but wonder what he thought about you. The feeling of the ride jolting under you ripped you from your daydream like state. 
“Oh fuck” you mutter , feeling your heart rate rise again. Jake smiles and grabs your hand gently. 
“It's gonna be ok” he smiles
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Sam:
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Finally it was time to go to study hall, your last class of the day. You used this class to get your assignments from the day done. You headed to your desk but something catches your eye on your way. You look down at another student , you wracked your brain trying to remember his name. He was reading one of your all time favorite books, which surprised you , most people hadn’t even heard of the book before. You had to say something.
“Hey! I love that book” you say with a smile. The guy looks up at you with an equally excited facial expression.
“Oh yeah , it’s a great book, this is like the third time I’ve read it” he replies. You laugh, and nod.
“Yeah it’s such an awesome book, I’ve never met another person that likes it” you say.
“Sorry what was your name again?” You add.
“I’m Sam” he smiles.
“I’m (y/n)” you introduce , you both look in each other’s eyes and appreciate that moment. His eyes glinted with interest making you blush.
“Uh well maybe we could get together some time and talk about the book” he says stuttering slightly, moving his hair from his face gracefully, you watched it as it fell to his sides like a curtain.
“That would be awesome, here I’ll give you my number” you say quickly fishing for a piece of paper from your back pack. You jot your number down in neat hand writing and handed it to him. He looked so happy, he thanks you as he takes the paper.
“Alright class sit down” the teacher announces as she enters the room. You look to her and then back down to Sam before gesturing towards your seat, Sam nods and winks at you before you take your seat.
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Josh:
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Your eyes scanned the shelves looking for Almond flour, you were going to try your hand at making home made macarons. You loved to bake , you did it whenever you had free time and you never made the same thing twice. You smile when your eyes land on the last bag of almond flour , you happily pluck it from the shelf until you see the ridiculous price tag. Why is healthy shit so expensive? You shook your head at the thought and made your way down the aisle. You looked up seconds before a man was about to bump into you, neither of you saw each other.
“Oh sorry” you say taking a step to your right , you laugh as he takes a step to his left thus getting in your way again.
“Oops” he chimes stepping to the other side the same time as you.
“I’ll go left you go right” you giggle , he thinks to himself , eyes looking up to the ceiling before taking a step in the wrong direction.
“No your other right” you laugh. He smiles “sorry” he says palming his forehead.
“No worries” you reply stepping around him.
“Oh hey!” He calls a second later.
“I think you dropped this” he adds holding out a package of frosting bags.
“Oh thanks” you smile grabbing them from him, his eyes fall to your basket of items.
“Oh thanks” you smile grabbing them from him, his eyes fall to your basket of items. You tuck your hair behind your ears and look down at your basket as well.
“Uh well I like to bake yeah - I- I don’t know if I would go as far as to say I’m a baker” you chuckle.
“Do you bake a lot?” He asks simply.
You nod.
“Well that sounds like a baker to me” he smiles with a curt nod.
“Yeah good point , you got me there” you reply , you could feel your cheeks warming , you were blushing but you weren’t sure why.
“Are you a baker as well?” You ask.
“Oh no I should not be allowed near an oven” he jokes “I’m just lost, you wouldn’t happen to know where the Oreos are would you?” He asks gesturing towards the store.
“Oh yeah they’re in Aisle 12” you chime pointing in the general direction.
“Cool thanks” he smiles.
“Ya know I actually have an event coming up for a friend, I don’t know if maybe you’d wanna bake a cake for him? It’s for his birthday , we’re having a surprise party ” he explains somewhat haphazardly.
“I’d pay you” he adds.
Sold.
“Sure I’d love to!-“ you begin.
“Ok cool, so should we like exchange info?” He asks , his pointer finger gesturing from him to you.
“Yeah that’s a good idea , that way we can over specific details like size and flavor of the cake” you nod as he pulls his phone out. You recite your number to him and his eyes flicker up to you
“What’s your name?” He asks softly.
“Oh sorry! I’m (y/n)” you answer.
“(Y/n) cool ,I’m Josh” he smiles.
Josh.
Later you’re in your apartment, the delicate scent of raspberry macarons fills the air as they cool on your counter.
Your phone beeps in your pocket and you slip it out.
“Hey it’s Josh from the baking aisle, there is no event. I think you’re super pretty...and that’s why I wanted your number but I wasn’t sure how to ask. I hope you aren’t mad , I just didn’t know how to ask” You read the message and smile, and honestly you were kind of relived he was fibbing. Catering events made you nervous.
“Thanks Josh! Of course I’m not mad, I totally understand being nervous about stuff like that” you reply.
“Oh good, if I ever do need a cake you’ll be the first person I ask” he texts back , you smile.
“Ya know I actually just took some macarons out of the oven, wanna come over and be my taste tester?” You send back. Your heart warms at the thought of making a new friend , and a cute one at that.
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