#they both chase freedom in their own ways and i think they could relate immensely

[gemkun]

🖤 and to Dazai's right is none other than who?! The resident clown, Gooo~~~gol!

send 🖤 and my character will answer about yours.

❝ uwaaaa — ! ❞

attractiveness:

repulsive / hideous / ugly / not attractive / unappealing / not unattractive / meh / no preference / ok / mildly attractive / nice looking / cute / adorable / attractive / pleasant on the eyes / good looking / hot / sexy / beautiful / gorgeous / hot damn / would tap that / perfect / godlike / holy fuck there are no words.

note: wrow ~

personality:

grating / irritating / frustrating / boring / confusing at best / awkward / unreasonable / psychotic / disturbing / interesting / engaging / affectionate /aggressive / ambitious / anxious / artistic / bad tempered / bossy / charismatic / appealing / unappealing / creative / courageous / dependable / unreliable / unpredictable / predictable / devious / dim / extroverted / introverted / egotistical / gregarious / fabulous / impulsive / intelligent / sympathetic / talkative / up beat / peaceful / calming / badass / flexible.

note: i believe no one will ever fully grasp gogol

how likely they would have sex with them:

not if they were the last person on earth and the world was ending / fuck no! / never / no way / not likely / not sure / indifferent / I’m asexual / maybe / probably / it depends / fairly likely / likely / yeah sure / yes / would tap that / hell yes / fuck yes! / wishing that could happen right now / as many times as possible / we are already having sex.

note: now that fyodor isn’t around to kill him anymore 👀

level of friendship:

never in a million years / worst of enemies / enemies / rivals / indifferent / neutral / acquaintance / friendly toward each other / casual friends / friends / good friends / best friends / fuck buddies / bosom buddies / practically the same person / would die for them / true friends / my only friend.

note: i think they have a lot of potential but asagiri is too scared of their combined power

first impression of them:

i hate them so much / i don’t like them / i don’t trust them / they annoy me / they’re weird / I’m indifferent / meh / they seem alright / they’re growing on me / truce / I think I like them / I like them / I’m not sure if I trust them / I trust them / they’re cool / they’re genuine / I think we’re going to get along / I really like them / I think I’m in love / oh fuck they’re hot / I love them.

current impression of them:

i hate them so much / i don’t like them / i don’t trust them / they annoy me / they’re weird / I’m indifferent / meh / they seem alright / they’re growing on me / truce / I think I like them / I like them / I’m not sure if I trust them / I trust them / they’re cool / they’re genuine / I think we’re going to get along / I really like them / I think I’m in love / oh fuck they’re hot / I love them.

[kdtheghostwriter]

SNK 122 - Avalanche

Who would have thought when it happened that Eren kissing Historia’s hand would be THE moment of Shingeki no Kyojin. Imagine you’re picking up this lovely series for the first time. You see a fresh take on the survival-horror genre and think, “I could get into this.” A couple volumes in, you discover the zombie horde tale was a clever cover for a fleshy mecha gimmick. “Weird,” you think, “but ok.” Now it’s ten years and 130+ chapters later. We’re all reading a retelling of the Norse Myth of Creation wrapped in a cozy WWII disguise.

What do any of these words mean? Join me under the cut. It’s time for lore.

Thoughts on the chapter first. We finally get to see the life and times of Founder Ymir. Not surprisingly, she appears to be of vague Northern European origin in what appears to be the Middle Ages. The ancient Eldians were Vikings basically, but back then they weren’t even Eldian. They were human just like everyone else…until they weren’t.

Founder Ymir’s story eerily mirrors that of 104th Ymir. As a small child, she was nothing more than a scapegoat. Born a servant girl, she empathized with the group of pigs that had been captured. She released them, no doubt ruining someone’s feast in the process. A soldier asks who the offending party is and we see a great panel of Ymir surrounded by pointing fingers John Wick style.

Much like Mr. Wick, Ymir goes on the run only in a much different context. John Wick, in his universe, is the most prolific assassin alive. He’s on the run, but he’s not defenseless. Ymir is a child and is defenseless. The men (and I do emphasize the grown men) that chase after her never perceive her as a threat. They’re having a sporting time terrifying and slowly killing this innocent child. Running out of energy and time, Ymir happens across a humongous tree and decides an odd hiding spot is better than none at all. Entering the base of the tree, she falls down into an unseen hole – like Alice into the looking glass – and just as she’s about to lose consciousness, she comes in contact with what can only be described as…this.

A parasite? An alien lifeform? An ancient Eldridge manifestation? Maybe. Just like another old Myth there isn’t really a clear answer nor will there be. ‘Tis the Source of all Organic Matter and it was always there it was, lad.

We get several lessons here about how history can warp our perceptions of the individual players in both a positive and negative sense. Ymir never made a deal with the Devil to get her overwhelming power. She literally fell backwards into a divot and came out big as a mountain. On the other hand, the Founding Titan was not this ethereal being of divine beauty. The First Titan was grotesque to look at. It had no true face and its ribs were exposed, which I guess makes sense for a creature that large. Founder Ymir was a victim of circumstance and oppression. She has the power of nature and God at her fingertips but has only known servitude. That’s why there is no objection when she hears the following.

Not only is there CLEARLY no consent here, but I’m fairly sure Ymir is barely a teenager here so – Double Dose of Yikes!

Fittingly (or tragically, who can tell at this point), Ymir has three daughters: Maria, Rose and Sina. She raises her children while helping her nation conquer the lands around them with her unmatched power. However, thirteen years after her eldest child is born, a rogue soldier makes an attempt on the king’s life and Ymir leaps in front of the spear; one final act of indentured service.

Sort of. She is told correctly that she isn’t in danger. No doubt she has come back from far worse injuries than a spear to the collar. King Fritz tells her to get up and continue being a slave and Ymir says fuck you with her whole chest and gives up the ghost right there.

This shocking development leads to two things. First, we see the most graphic panel in a series full of gore and body horror as the children of Ymir are forced by Dear Old Dad to cannibalize their mother’s still-cooling corpse in order to obtain her power. Then, we see Ymir wake up in what we now know as the Paths dimension. Here she shall stay until a certain someone is able to receive and respond to her call for help.

That’s all for the backstory, now what about the source? It’s been documented well that Isayama loves myth and folklore especially of the Norse variety. Near the beginning of #122 we see Ymir fall into a tree that Momtaku and her co-host Luna succinctly describe as “both phallic and vulvic at the same time.” This seems like a clear reference to Yggdrasil, The World Tree. Yggdrasil is an interdimensional bridge with each branch connecting to a different realm, not unlike the branches we see in the PATHS dimension. Then we have the spine-like creature that latches on to Ymir like Symbiote under the tree. See if this looks familiar.

Nidhogg is a serpent that is known for eating away at the roots of the World Tree. It also has a famous rivalry with an unnamed eagle that sits atop Yggdrasil. A constant struggle between freedom and entrapment which is of course a central theme to this story. I’ve seen meta theorize that if the briny parasite represents the serpent of the Tree, that Eren Jaeger would represent the eagle the overlooks it and seeing how he’s spent most of this tale with wings on his back, that makes about as much sense as anything else.

It’s all a lead-up to Ragnarok: the End of the World.

Yup, that looks like the end to me.

When the First King lined up those Titans to form those walls, he couldn’t have known someone would find the one loophole to circumvent his failsafe. The reason the Coordinate Powers only fully activate for those of Royal Blood. It isn’t because of their genes alone. Ymir is a slave to the Royal Family, even centuries after her physical death. It isn’t until someone gives her a choice that she even thinks to take a different course of action.

What a charmer. This panel and the one that follows are both very important to me. Zeke, in his frenzy is a spitting image of King Fritz. Yes, the are directly related but also, I think there is something to be said of him taking on the form of Ymir’s greatest oppressor. After she hears Eren’s pitch to lend him her world-shattering power we see her eyes, full of tears, for the first time. Not an accident. It’s the first time in 2,000 years anyone has treated her like a person.

This is not an official theory or anything but it’s how I interpret this. The title of this chapter ‘From You, 2,000 Years Ago’ is of great significance outside of how it mirrors the title of the very first chapter. Ymir was sending a message and when we remember the Attack Titan’s special trait of moving (and looking) forward it’s clear who the messenger was. The question then becomes, was Eren the only one who was able to answer the call? Yes, just not for the reasons you would think.

 Technically, any of the Attack Titans (or any of them, I guess) could have unlocked the PATHS with enough work. The problem is, the only knowledge of Ymir’s story and the history of the Eldian people was with the Coordinate which, historically, was possessed by the Royal Line. It wasn’t until that fateful night when Grisha stole the Coordinate away that a very specific set of conditions could be met.

Once a single person of their own free will got even a glimpse of the tortured history and fate of Founder Ymir it was enough to set an incredibly complex series of events into motion. This is why the Attack Titan, even during the Great Titan War, can never listen to reason. They know what the end game is, thanks to Eren sending them snaps of that scenery.

Eren was special after all. Just not in the way we first thought. Funny that.

  Stray Thoughts

- Keep in mind that the final panel of Eren’s new Titan exploding out of his severed head happens the instant it lands in Zeke’s hand. How must Gabi be feeling right now? You think you’ve slain the Devil of the Earth and all you’ve done instead is give him immense power and an army of unstoppable giants. Someone get the Bart cake gif in the replys.

- The most impressive part of seeing Ymir’s backstory is that it was largely done with no dialogue. Almost felt like we were reading a scroll or ancient tome. Credit to the author for crafting such a deep, rich world to explore. Somehow, Shingeki no Kyojin isn’t the story he’s always wanted to tell but it will rightfully be the one he is best known for.

- Once again Zeke blows a 3-1 lead by being an entitled shithead. He and the rest of his family knew the story of Ymir and the fate she suffered and still saw fit to not only keep her imprisoned but to use her as a tool to subjugate their own people. No tears from me, muchacho.

[classpectating]

Hello!!!! I was wondering if you could do a session analysis for a Sylph of Space, Thief of Time, Maid of Breath, Rogue of Blood, Page of Light, Mage of Void, Mage of Mind, Witch of Heart, Knight of Hope, Prince of Rage, Seer of Life and Prince of Doom? Im sorry that there are so much, if its too many thats a-ok, but thank you so much for this :"DDD

hoo boy !! I'll try my best !!

the SYLPH OF SPACE is “one who heals through space”, and sylphs are every session’s favorite therapist. this player will be a valuable asset, as they will be incredibly intelligent and calm- or perhaps immensely creative and have their head in the clouds. I wouldn’t peg this player as the leader, however keeping them close and following their lead for the more serious tasks of the session is a smart move. ultimately, someone you can come to for help- physical or emotional. 

the THIEF OF TIME is “one who steals time for their own benefit” and is someone to watch out for. you want your time and space players to be able to work together in harmony, and thieves are infamous for being selfish with their aspect. they’ll be cocky with time, maybe even reckless, and will need to be reeled in by the other more level headed teammates. as vriska was incredibly lucky, this player will be incredibly... immortal. all the time in the world at their fingertips. be wary.

the MAID OF BREATH is “one who serves breath” and is similar to a traveling religious follower. this player will be free of worries, giving freedom and their abilities to others who need to relax. the positivity will shine through this player, but be wary of forgetting about them. if left alone for long enough, the maid may drift off into a headspace of being not wanted anymore. 

the ROGUE OF BLOOD is “one who steals blood for others” and this player is one hell of a sneaky bitch. this player will be incredibly useful in combat, able to steal the bonds between enemies and distract them- giving teamwork and better relations to the session. they’ll be incredibly spunky and focus on keeping the team together. they’ll chase after the thief to make sure they stay on track!

the PAGE OF LIGHT is “one who provides others with light” and will inevitably struggle in the beginning. this player may be.. a burnout gifted kid, someone who once felt on their game! but now... is at a loss, they cannot seem to reclaim whatever light they once had inside of them. once they begin to accept themselves and not hold themselves to such a high standard, the page will ascend and give every member of the session a sense of enlightenment! knowledge and luck, as well as believing in themselves. 

the MAGE OF VOID is “one who knows about void”, a professor of the dark arts, if you will. this player will be incredibly introverted and maybe even cagey, keeping to themselves at all times. they’ll be plagued by dark thoughts and the nothingness due to their innate knowledge of the void. strangely, they would begin to mentor the page, and show them how to accept their aspect as they’ve done before. 

the MAGE OF MIND is “one who knows about mind” is a ticking time bomb of stress, despite how incredibly smart and physiological they are. they would be another good therapist for the session but the over abundance of “mind” going through their head would drive them somewhat mad. similar to the other mage, they’d cave in on themselves if they didn’t deal with it in healthy ways.

the WITCH OF HEART is “one who manipulates heart” and is easily the most powerful member in the session, and the most dangerous beyond the volatile thief and princes. witches can go both ways, either being this benevolent giver of their aspect... or a tyrant of their aspect with copious amounts of power. the witch would be able to see straight through people, seeing their true intentions and feelings- as well as the ability to manipulate them. if it comes to it, they may have to step in and “correct” the thief. 

the KNIGHT OF HOPE is “one who defends or exploits through hope” and is a shield of positivity. they will project this aura of hope and kindness like a shield, stepping forward as a potential leader and leading everyone in a positive light. think a beacon of hope, a guiding light in the dark. they’d be strong, steady, and dependable. 

the PRINCE OF RAGE is “one who destroys rage” and this can go both ways. the prince could potentially destroy negative emotions in their party, using their abilities to do good work... or they could succumb to the rage and negative emotions, destroying others with rage. keeping them safe and mentally sound is CRUCIAL. they’d already struggle to communicate and feel accepted with people, so connection is important. 

the SEER OF LIFE is “one who wants/understands life” is a more positive and less spacey version of the sylph. this player would be incredibly inquisitive and interested in all medical information, craving to understand the mechanics of the game and how everyone’s ascension undergos. they’d be a natural medic, working with the maid, and they’d be crucial to understanding what to do next. 

the PRINCE OF DOOM is “one who destroys doom” and the same goes for both princes. this player could destroy the possibilities of doomed timelines, doomed situations, and doomed people... or, they could destroy a session with their own personal doom. every doom player is cursed to lose something or suffer from something, it would be crucial for this player to not project that onto the session... or it all may go to hell. 

this session is tricky, there’s some real wildcards that could cause trouble... but, on the contrary, there’s a considerable amount of good players that can fix those wildcards! depending on your player’s personalities and intentions, this could go either way. from a statistical standpoint, everything is in line, but personal problems is what to look out for. 

[beewitched-blr]

I did a deity reading for @phantastically-unsure​

Elpis

Caerus

Hera

Dike

Persephone

Athena

To begin a connection with Elpis, work on making something of yourself. Find your ambition and hold onto it. You have so much potential. There may be tough times but keep as positive of an outlook as possible. You will get there, trust in that. You may find a person in your life who acts as a mentor for you. This person will help you immensely. Take advice!

Elpis warns that you may be overly worried at times. It's unsure what situations are making you this way but it seems to stem around embarrassment and unnecessary conflict. You mustn't be so in your head. Don't bottle up your feelings and make sure you are confiding in your loved ones. They can help you rationalise what you go through.

Elpis suggests that you must allow yourself to have the awakening that you need. Don't reject the signs or the advice you receive. Deep down, you know what needs to happen; you know there must be change in your life. So, why do you resist it? Embrace the new and rather than looking at it as a scary and unpredictable force, look at it as freedom from all that plagues you now.

From a connection with Elpis you will gain a better connection with your philosophical and spiritual side. You may find yourself enjoying time to yourself and tapping into your intellectual abilities. Curiosity and prudence are both themes here. You may be drawn to the great mysteries of life. You may also end up with sharper observational skills than most. This connection could be very deep.

To begin a connection with Caerus, you must be compassionate, generous and empathetic. Embrace your intuitive and sensitive sides. There is a mention of artistic talents here, if this relates to you, focus on them! You must pay attention to your friendships with those around you and provide a kind, honest presence for them.

Caerus warns that you may come across a man who is less than kind. He appears to be someone he is not; do not trust him. Trickery is his strong suit. Make sure that the people you are surrounding yourself with are all open and humble people. With the help of real friends, you will manage to rid him from your life.

Caerus suggests that you should take more notice of those around you and communication. Try putting yourself out there more. There is a theme of being too hesitant. Allow yourself to find a healthy balance of study/work and socialising. You may find that if you partake in more activities than you normally would, you may end up with an advantage that you didn't anticipate.

From a connection with Caerus you will go through a lot of struggle before reaching gain. In the end, you may find yourself less in-your-head and negative thinking. You may be able to trust in luck and faith without obsessive doubt. However,  you may find this connection not worth all the issues it could bring.

To begin a connection with Athena, there is a big emphasis on using your skills in a practical and entrepreneurial manner. This may have something to do with creating art but it's unsure. If you are interested in an independent career you should go for it. Athena suggests that hard work and perseverance are highly positive traits. This connection is incredibly promising and could help you.

Athena warns that you must keep a steady motion going in your life. If you do not feel like you are getting anywhere in life, then you must look for change. Stagnation could be your worst enemy. Make sure that you are constantly setting new goals for yourself, no matter how small they are. Productivity and effort are everything.

Athena suggests that drive and a fresh outlook on life is exactly what you need. You must find a sense of motivation and ambition to get started. Take an outspoken and go-getter approach to the way you live your life. Change is needed here. Let this connection and the world inspire you to get out there and truly live. Step outside of your comfort zone and chase what you want.

From a connection with Athena you will gain a lot of lessons from her. It seems that she will inspire you to encompass all that she stands for. You will become more confident and enjoy sharpening your skills. You may find yourself motivated to make something of yourself and be more independent. Entrepreneurial skills are highlighted here.

Notes:

Two separate pairs of men

Creating your own business?

Stop worrying

[mermaidsirennikita]

Historical Fiction and Feminism/Internalized Misogyny

(This post contains spoilers for The Conqueror’s Saga, The White Princess, The White Queen HBO’s Rome, and Spartacus--sometimes in very vague ways, but I thought I’d be thorough.)

Recently, I’ve discussed feminism and historical fiction in the context of television on my blog—largely in terms of how NOT to do it, as seen on The White Princess.  Marketing historical fiction (or fantasy that resembles historical fiction) as feminist is big in this day and age.  Even if the word “feminism” isn’t thrown around, you see people talking about “strong female characters” and, essentially, women “overcoming obstacles” presented by cultures of the past.  The thing is—does a woman acting like a feminist in a historical setting make the work itself feminist?  Does her lack of feminist views, or even anti-feminist perspective make her a bad character?  

What prompts me to think about these things is not actually a TV show in particular, but a few reviews of a book series that I immensely enjoy, Kiersten White’s The Conqueror’s Saga. The Conqueror’s Saga—which I highly recommend—is technically alt-history.  It considers historical events, altered simply by turning a male historical figure—Vlad Tepes/Dracula—into a woman, in the form of series protagonist Lada.  Lada is literally Vlad, but in the form of a (heterosexual) woman.  She has a couple of sexual/romantic relationships with men, but they don’t at all dominate the series the way they often do with YA, and are viewed from a historical perspective in which Lada, despite her hunger for power, is intensely aware of the natural advantage men have over her. She wishes to rule Wallachia, but is tempered by the fact that she is a woman.  This seems like a “feminist” premise, at least in the shallow manner in which feminism has been presented to the typical reader by pop culture.

Lada—a character who has manipulated people for personal and political gain, murdered, betrayed—is critiqued in some of the reviews that provoked me to write this for her anti-feminist views.  In the first book, she doesn’t trust women who are a part of an Ottoman harem, in part because they use sex as currency and are intensely sexual and feminine in a way that she is not.  While very aware of her own sexuality and femininity, Lada struggles with it and at times seems to hate it—in the second book, she seems to come to the conclusion that more than a man or a woman, she wants to be a soldier.  And the reason why she hates her feminine body is that it makes it difficult for to be a soldier in medieval Europe.  She also resents her mother, an abused woman, for not protecting her children, not defending herself.  This is victim-blaming, likely with a dose of Lada’s own trauma informing it.

More controversial, of course, is Lada’s apparent inner victim-blaming of a group of women raped and impregnated by (essentially) their overlords.  She wonders why they didn’t fight back, why they submitted, so on. As far as the narrative goes, I personally don’t feel like it validated Lada’s feelings.  In fact, when she first inwardly critiqued the Ottoman women, they turned out to be cunning political animals, and she eventually comes to acknowledge their strengths with regards to manipulation.  One of the women who was raped and impregnated becomes a supporting character and friend to Lada, and she comes to—in a sense—admire her own means of manipulation and politicking.  It’s soft power versus Lada’s desired hard power.  So—is a work of historical fiction anti-feminist because a female character expresses anti-feminist views?  

I’ll compare this to The White Princess, a show which was heavily marketed as “feminist”. Elizabeth Woodville is seen alluding to the idea that women were the true powers behind the throne in medieval England (a fact that is categorically untrue, even if some women did have influence over medieval politics).  Woodville, and her house, the Yorks, are promoted as the heroes against Margaret Beaufort.  Margaret is crafted as a foil to Woodville—she refers to her daughter-in-law’s primary function of providing a male heir for her husband.  She condemns her daughter-in-law’s sexuality.  She is Bad. Elizabeth Woodville is Good (and a witch, because witchcraft = feminism).  The series ends on Elizabeth of York becoming a puppet master for her husband, something that didn’t happen.

The fact is that while it’s nice to see a woman talking up girl power in historical fiction, it’s often anachronistic.  And in the case of The White Princess, the narrative ends up pitting women against each other—one side is for grrrl power in a very shallow way (ultimately in the service of propping up a male York heir, but whatever) and the other representing a lack of sexual freedom, “the man putting the woman down”.  And once Elizabeth Woodville is out of the picture, that whole rivalry is sort of confusing and goes every which way and it’s just… a bad show for many reasons, to be honest.  But its faux feminism is the icing on the cake.

There have absolutely been strong women who did hold both soft and hard power in times past.  But they were still affected by the patriarchal societies in which they lived.  Isabel of Castile fought for her right to the throne and gained it—but she still wasn’t satisfied to leave the throne to her firstborn daughter, and ensured the birth of a male heir for herself and her husband.  She raised her daughters not be rulers, but wives.  Hurrem Sultan held immense power as the wife of Suleiman the Magnificent, but she got there by arguably undermining other women, and playing a game set up by men.  Anne Boleyn became Henry VIII’s wife and is often portrayed as a woman who was “feminist” because of the power she (temporarily) held over her husband.  But she was chosen by him; she was chased by him; and she got her crown after he took it from another woman.

It's great to see women supporting each other and loving one another in historical settings. We should see female friendships.  We should see mothers loving their daughters.  The White Princess, for all its claims of feminism, was all about pitting women against each other.  But there’s a difference between that narrative, I think, and one in which a woman experiences the effects of her own internalized misogyny, as Lada does in The Conqueror’s Saga.  She hates feminine things because she’s been raised to feel lesser because of her own femininity—this does not make her an anti-feminist character, in my perspective. Nor does it make her story anti-feminist.  It makes her a character with accurate viewpoints about her own sex, hammered into her mind by men.  When she realizes that feminine women are making things happen through their own means, that is a form of reconciliation that feels real to me.  It’s certainly “realer” than silly, anachronistic platitudes about women being badass queens.

Another good example of women being strong characters in historical figures while also dealing with internalized misogyny would be the female characters of Rome.  Two of the main female characters, Atia and Servilia, are set up as rivals.  They are rivals in relation to their roles as rich Roman matrons, and the fact that they are connected to rival men (Atia through her uncle and son, Servilia through her son) only intensifies their hatred for each other.  They call each other whores and bitches, they deride and hate other women.  But does this make them bad women, a part of a woman-hating narrative—or are they simply products of their environments, and accurately portrayed as such?  For that matter, does the fact that Servilia and Atia hate each other diminish the value of their relationship as one of the most prominent and important on the show?  I could question the same of two women on another show set in Ancient Rome, Lucretia and Ilithyia of Spartacus.  (I’m not saying that these characters are feminists at all, by the way--they are not.)  They hate—and sometimes love—each other.  They constantly fight one another.  But their relationship is rich and complex, and the fact that they treat each other badly, and for that matter other women badly, doesn’t mean that this relationship is invalid or a product of an anti-feminist narrative.

Now, I’m not saying that all of these works of fiction are strictly feminist.  Many of them feature male protagonists prominently, and the woman’s journey might not be “point” of the show the way it is on a show like Harlots. (In which almost every prominent character is a woman, the focus of the plot is a profession dominated by women, and women are often quite nasty and misogynistic to each other.)  But it’s important to see women of historical fiction have rich relationships with one another, negative and positive.  It’s important, to me, to see them express at least somewhat-accurate ideas about their own genders.  Otherwise, we get into the routine of some women having more “feminist” attitudes than others, and them being “better” and more “enlightened”.  A woman isn’t a bad person because she comes from a culture that doesn’t adhere to contemporary (popular) western feminism and doesn’t, herself, adhere to the principles of contemporary (popular) western feminism.  The idea of the good, feminist women being better than a woman who really (in regards to historical fiction) not have any concepts of 21st century feminism isn’t feminist at all.

If we forget or wash over the environments to which women had to adapt, the environments they dealt with on the daily, the environments that likely inspired self-hatred in many… We forget our own history.  It’s not fun to see a character like Lada, who I really love, look down on women.  It’s certainly not fun to see a character like Atia who is so entertaining be extremely misogynistic; she’s outright evil to many other women, including her own daughter.  But then, I want to see female characters who are allowed to be as rich, as good or as evil, as male characters.  Who don’t have to shy away from depravity to conform to male expectations of the feminine character.  Women have existed in a largely patriarchal world as good and evil people throughout history, and I want to see that.

[realmonstersrp]

❛ don’t get cocky, don’t get clever, don’t get cheesy on me cheddar

INTRODUCING AHN HAESUNG, OUR NEWEST STUDENT WITH THE POWER OF VICE INDUCEMENT.

WELCOME TO GUMI INTERNATIONAL SCHOOL FOR THE POWERED.

WHO ARE THEY?

PERSONALITY

(+) articulate, resourceful, astute (–) self-serving, vain, manipulative

BACKGROUND

300 kid : was the first label he’d learned to loathe. 300 kid, a child of the california court system, since his parents couldn’t keep their fists away from each other. they were deemed unfit for parenthood because of a house full of violence, but is it one hundred percent their fault if he’s the one in the background, pushing passive thought into motion and inciting idle hands into action? but is it really his fault if he doesn’t even know what he’s doing? if he doesn’t even know how to control it?

you always bring out the worst in people : learning to talk might have been the absolute worst thing for him. it’d be less damning if his ability had manifested during puberty (like you need those kinds of changes along with the ones already happening!), but he just wasn’t that lucky. foster home to group home to another, different, group home. he was never involved in any of the incidents that he was cited for, but when the chaos had been broken up–all parties always turned their fingers toward him. there were never any formal accusations; he was deemed low-risk and was never involved physically, so he slipped through the cracks of the united states criminal justice system.

shit happened how it happened so the past is perfect : his pre-teen years come, and with it a pair of foster parents that were different than any of the ones before. these two–they knew how to handle him, and he didn’t know how to handle that. most kids dream about a foster family that turns into a real one, but haesung didn’t know how to react when they reveal that they want to adopt him, permanently. but, what’s he got to lose? he leaves the us for south korea at fourteen with legal guardians that are intent on helping him control his ability. to haesung, it’s just another new place until he’s there for a year, then two, then three, and then it’s the closest thing to stable he’s ever had. his new legal “parents” both graduated from some place he only knows as gumi. college wasn’t too many years ago for them, so they’re more like older siblings than parents, but with the way they talk about it–haesung wonders if maybe he’ll be okay there.

trust no one that puts you in the wrong light : being the personal project of the two of them was refreshing but also suffocating, so when he was unleashed onto gumi, the freedom was almost overwhelming. at gumi, the idea of legacies were both familiar and strange all at once, but it was something he wanted to experience, even if briefly. alpha was a playground for someone of his type. pride, envy–all things he could work with. first year initiates were to be seen and not heard, so no one payed him any mind until it was too late (three upperclassmen alphas with latent grievances, pitted against each other by haesung, who whispered wrath cloaked in honey. the ensuing brawl was more than enough reason to throw him out–he’d barely made it into the legacy in the first place.) hellion was unfortunate enough to be his next target. there happened to be less of a specific concentration regarding vices, but everyone has their weaknesses. haesung, quite literally the definition of a ‘charity case,’ found more of a home in hellion, but even then his impulses outweighed his survival instinct. (here, he was more discreet, and his handiwork was spread out over a longer period of time. at the core of his abilities, self destruction is the ultimate endgame. but he would never take it that far–just enough to entertain. inevitably, once found, he was also stripped of membership from hellion.)

i hate the way the things i say incinerate a room : he hides any insecurities and shortcomings (of which there are many) with vanity and standoffish behavior. he lives off of reactions–with a constant chip on his shoulder and terrible impulse control, haesung thrives off attention, positive or negative. in fact, he seeks it out and craves it. sometimes he wished he’d made better decisions and cultivated better relationships, but the mini reputation he’d built in his short time at gumi is something he’s willing to shoulder if it means that people will look at him and pay attention.

WHAT CAN THEY DO?

vice inducement is the ability to evoke specific vices or sins that are contained within an individual’s soul. at it’s most powerful and potent (think demon), it calls forth the worst vices that plague a person or thing, which can cause them to chase this vice into self destruction (usually death or insanity).

***however, haesung’s power of vice inducement is always temporaryand not nearly strong enough to drive anyone to extremes, though the repercussions from those temporary states can sometimes be more damning than the actual inducement itself. mainly, he speaks the vices into the front of the conscious. though it is possible to use his ability through eye contact, his sway is significantly lower when conducted through this medium. the vices that haesung has sway over are envy, wrath, pride, sloth, and violence. when he is using his ability, a red outline forms around his pupils, seeping into the dark brown of his iris but never completely taking over the iris.

though everyone responds a little differently, these are the most common reactions that people have when haesung focuses his abilities onto them: envy: if a person’s main vice is envy, then it invites cruel and vindictive behavior towards those that the individual is envious of whether it is something as tangible as possessions or looks, or as intangible as achievements or reputation. wrath: those with wrath as their main vice usually hold some sort of lasting grudge. wrath inducement means the lowering of inhibitions and self-control, which in turn unleashes the full brunt of someone’s retaliatory, usually violent, instincts. pride: filters are often removed with vice inducement of  those with pride as their main vice. they will act as if they are above all those around them, asserting themselves inappropriately and overbearingly–the literal embodiment of a god-complex, if you will. sloth: targets of this vice oftentimes find themselves feeling extremely lethargic as well as feel a lack of motivation to do anything. they will oftentimes forget about things in favor of sleeping, sometimes forgetting to perform essential functions and therefore skip meals, etc. violence: while similar to wrath, this affects those with explosive personalities or tempers. the target often feels a sudden, murderous instinct and will oftentimes harm those around them without care. in the case of vice inducement in animals of monsters, this is oftentimes the vice that is easiest to induce in them.

WEAKNESSES

physical flaw: the ability is easiest to wield when haesung can be heard. his ability is most effective when spoken in soft, relaxing tones over a period of time as this “coaxes” the soul into giving into the vice. if the surrounding area is loud or chaotic, and the need to shout arises, haesung’s accuracy is thrown off, and the inducement will usually fail unless he utilizes other means (for ex: eye contact).

range: while best utilized in close proximity (about 1 meter/3 feet), it is still possible to use his ability up to 2 meters/6.5 feet away from the target. anything further and disruptions or distractions commonly prohibit him from carrying out the full inducement.

eye contact: while it is possible to induce vices through eye contact, the chances of success are cut by about 50%. with humans, eye contact inducement is extremely difficult unless he knows a person’s weakness, and aims to target that vice specifically. with animals or monsters, inducement through eye contact is easier than their human counterparts because of their (usually) simpler range of desires and emotions.

potency: at most vice inducement encourages the lowering of the inhibitions and encourages self destructive behavior. it cannot drive anyone into actual insanity, or induce a vice that is not already a major weakness of the target.

time limit: the longest time someone has ever been under an inducement was about four hours, but they had haesung’s complete attention focused on them , and he would intermittently tamper with them throughout that time period. as it is, most commonly haesung’s power induces a temporary mindset of an hour in a conductive environment, but only 30 minutes in a less ideal environment for inducement.

exceptions: people with extreme levels of self-control or those with abilities related to virtue inducement are for the most part, immune to haesung’s tampering. those with abilities related to other mental inducements can usually break free from temptations due to the similar nature of the abilities, as they are more likely to recognize the intrusive thoughts and feelings of his vice inducement.

repercussions: as his abilities are not particularly physical in nature, he does not become physically drained with overuse. instead, if he overuses his ability he usually has intense bouts of vertigo that can render him immobile. he’s never actually lost his voice before, but if he’s been continuously tampering with someone, his voice has a tendency to go hoarse, but whether that’s a side effect of his ability or just general overuse has not been exactly determined.

DID YOU KNOW?

for some reason he has immense eco-guilt without any particular inciting incident; once things settle and he has his own place he wants to start composting.

[sarahburness]

We Keep Going, One Tiny Step at a Time, and We Should Be Proud

“Don’t wait until you reach your goal to be proud of yourself. Be proud of every step you take.” ~Karen Salmansohn

One of the greatest ironies of being human is that we’re often hardest on ourselves right when we should be most proud.

Let’s say you finally find the courage to start a dream project you’ve fantasized about for as long as you can remember. You push through years of built-up fears, overcome massive internal resistance, and take the leap despite feeling like you’re jumping through a ring of fire, above a pit filled with burning acid.

It’s one of the most terrifying things you’ve ever done. It dredges up all your deepest insecurities, triggers feelings you’d rather stuff down and ignore, and brings you face to face with the most fragile, vulnerable parts of yourself.

The fact that you’re even willing to take this risk is huge. Monumental, really. Just getting on this long, winding path is an accomplishment worth acknowledging and celebrating. Most people avoid it. They do what they’ve always done and remain stuck in discontent, wishing they could know a life less limited.

But you? You’re trying. You’re taking a chance at being who you could be, knowing full well there are no guarantees. You’re a f*cking rockstar. A total badass for giving this a go. But you likely don’t see it that way.

You likely think you’re not doing enough, or doing it fast enough, or doing it well enough for it to count. You might get down on yourself for not learning more quickly, or having a perfectly honed vision and plan from the start.

Instead of giving yourself credit for every inch you move forward, you might beat yourself up for not leaping a mile.

Or maybe you’re not pursuing a dream for the future. Maybe you’re facing a pain from the past.

Let’s say you’re finally leaning into your anxiety or depression instead of numbing your feelings with booze, food, or any other distraction. Perhaps you’re in therapy, even, trying to get to the root of your complex feelings and heal wounds that have festered, untended, for years.

It’s intense, draining work that few can understand because there’s no visible representation of just how deep your pain goes. No way to fully explain how tough it is to face it. No way to show how hard you’re trying, every day, to fight a darkness that seems determined to consume you. So on top of being emotionally exhausted, you quite frequently feel alone.

Just acknowledging the pain beneath the mental and emotional symptoms is an act of immense bravery. And allowing yourself to face it, however and whenever you can—well let’s just say they should give out medals for this kind of thing. You’re a f*cking hero. A total badass for doing the work to save yourself. But you probably don’t see it that way.

You might think you aren’t making progress fast enough. Or you’re weak for having these struggles to begin with. Or you suck at life because sometimes you fall back into old patterns, even though on many other occasions, you don’t.

Instead of giving yourself credit for every small win, you might beat yourself up for being a failure. As if nothing you do is good enough, and you’ll never be good enough, because you’re not perfect right now.

Because if it’s not all happening right now—the healing, the growth, the progress—it’s easy to fear it never will. And it will be all your fault.

If it seems like I’m speaking from personal experience, that’s because I am.

I followed a decade of depression and bulimia with years of self-flagellation for not healing overnight and magically morphing into someone far less fragile.

I responded to childhood trauma by abusing myself for acting insecure and emotionally unstable, even when I was actively trying to learn better ways to live and cope.

And I crucified myself for every cigarette and shot when I was trying to quit smoking and binge drinking, even though I quite frequently went long stretches of time without doing anything self-destructive.

Through all this internal whip cracking, I consistently reinforced to myself that I was weak for not changing overnight when really I should have acknowledged I was strong for making any progress at all.

It was like I was watching myself treading water, with broken limbs, while screaming at myself to hurry up and get stronger instead of throwing myself the rope of my own self-encouragement.

In retrospect, this makes sense. This is how most of us learn growing up—not through validation but punishment. We far more often hear about what we’re doing wrong than what we’re doing right. So instead of supporting ourselves through our deepest struggles, we berate ourselves for even having them.

Though I’ve made tremendous progress with this over the years, and I’m no longer in crisis, I still find myself expecting instant perfection at times.

I’m currently pushing myself far beyond the edge of my comfort zone—so far I can’t even see it from where I’m precariously floating.

I’m writing more here on the site after years of working through an identity crisis I’ve never publicly discussed.

I’m trying to get funding for a feature film I wrote, with themes that are deeply personal to me, knowing the “low budget” is still no easy amount to raise, and I might fail spectacularly.

I’m working on multiple new projects with third party companies—something I’ve avoided in the past because I’m a control freak who doesn’t easily trust others to take the reins.

And I’m doing it all while pregnant—six and a half months to be exact—at almost forty years old. So on top of all the usual fears that accompany big risks and changes, I’m juggling your garden-variety new parent concerns, with a few geriatric-pregnancy-related worries for good measure. (Yes, geriatric. My uterus could be a grandmother!)

I’m pushing myself into a new league, far outside my little work-from-home introvert bubble, while frequently feeling both physically and emotionally exhausted. I’m finally giving myself the leeway to evolve after years of saying I wanted to grow but refusing to let go of my comfort to enable it. And really, I should be proud.

Every time I take a meeting when I’d rather do only what I can accomplish myself, every time I send an email for a new opportunity when it would be easier to passively wait for whatever comes to me, every time I push myself to be the brave, fulfilled person I want to be for both me and my son, I should throw myself an internal parade. A festival complete with a float in my own image and endless flutes of the best champagne. (I know, I’m pregnant, but it’s internal, remember? Keep the bubbly flowing!)

But do I do this? To be fair, yes. Sometimes I do. And I’m proud of myself for that. I’ve come a long way from the self-abusive girl who only knew to motivate with intimidation and fear.

But other times I can be pretty hard on myself. It’s like I have this vision of how this should all work, and when, and I blame myself if I can’t meet my rigid expectations on my ideal timeline.

I don’t always step back and see the big picture: That there are many external factors I can’t control, and I need to be adaptable to deal with them. That it’s hard to learn new things, and no amount of willpower or dedication can make the process instant. That some things simply take time, and this isn’t a reflection of my worth or my effort.

I get impatient. I get frustrated. I get anxious and resistant.

And really it all comes down to attachment. I resist this slow, uncertain process, and bully myself into making things happen more quickly, because I want these things so bad I can taste them, and I fear they may never happen at all.

I want the freedom these new opportunities could provide. I want the creative fulfillment of bringing my vision to life. I want the things I tell myself I should have made happen years ago, and I want them now so I can focus on the joy of attainment instead of beating myself up for having “wasted time.”

But none of this internal drama is useful or productive, and it certainly does nothing for my motivation or focus. It’s nearly impossible to create from your heart when it’s totally eclipsed by anxiety and fear.

The only way to do anything effectively is to accept where you are, let go of the outcome, and throw yourself into the process.

So going forward, when my mind tries to bully me into doing more than I reasonably can or shame me for my pace or my progress, I’m going to remind myself I’m doing better than I think. We all are. And we all deserve more credit than we likely give ourselves.

We all deserve credit for facing our demons, chasing our dreams, and showing up every day when it would be easier to hide.

We all deserve acknowledgment for every tiny step forward, no matter how slow or timid, because creating change is hard.

We all deserve recognition for the many internal hurdles we overcome, even though they’re not visibly apparent to anyone else, because often they’re harder to tackle than even the most challenging external obstacles.

And we all deserve the peace of knowing that who we are right now is enough. Even if we have room to grow, even if there are things we’d like to achieve, we are good enough just as we are. And it’s okay to be right where we are.

It’s okay to be messy, inconsistent, and not always at our best. It’s okay to feel insecure, unsure, lost, confused, and scared. It’s okay to make massive advances on some days and just get by on others.

Would it be nice if we could instantly transport ourselves to the idealized future we see in our heads? Sure. But that’s not really what it means to “live our best life”—despite what our YOLO-promoting culture would have us believe.

Living our best is embracing what is, while working to create what can be. It’s doing the best we can with what’s in front of us, and accepting that nothing else is guaranteed. Because this is the only moment we know for sure we have.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to get to the end of my life and realize I missed most of it because I always felt it needed to be more—and that I needed to be more—to fully appreciate and enjoy what I had while I had it.

So today, I’ve decided to be proud. Of my strength, my efforts, my progress, and the fact that I keep going. Whether I’m wounded, weary, or worried, I keep getting back up. I keep moving forward. I keep evolving. I am doing the best I can. And so are you.

About Lori Deschene

Lori Deschene is the founder of Tiny Buddha. She’s also the author of Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal and other books and co-founder of Recreate Your Life Story, an online course that helps you let go of the past and live a life you love. An avid film lover, she recently finished writing her first feature screenplay and is in pre-production now.

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