#they basically are like caffeine i guess but make you crash after they're gone

[leejeann]

okay it's like 9pm and that nightmare is still lingering in my head so I think I just need to vent it somewhere tbh. It's depressing and involves death, tw, it's rambly etc etc you know the drill

It was a dream about that old friend I used to be close with but don't talk to anymore despite her basically be rent-free in my head most of the time, blah blah I've mentioned her before.

I dreamt that I was wondering how she was doing or something, then suddenly I remembered that she was dead (she's very much alive irl, just to clarify). In fact she had been dead for like 2 years, but for some reason my brain was entirely rejecting that to the point that in my memory it literally never happened and it was just that we didn't talk anymore.

There was a moment in the dream where that clicked. I was thinking about her and all of a sudden it was like a switch flipped in my brain like "Oh, wait. oh no." I went to her facebook page to confirm it because surely that had to be wrong. But there were recent posts from her family talking about how it'd been two years without her and how they missed her. Reading those it was like suddenly all the memories that she wasn't just gone from my life, but gone gone hit me all at once. That's what made me finally wake up. I almost started crying in my sleep and I guess the physical feeling of my eyes watering was enough to snap me out of it.

I get weird nightmares/dreams when I have a migraine coming on in my sleep, but they're rarely so visceral as to wake me up before the headache even starts. Usually the headache pain from that leaks into my dream (and dream-me gets very confused as to why I'm suddenly in so much pain), then when it finally gets strong enough that wakes me up.

This just felt SO real though, like enough so that my irrational and sleep-deprived self almost wanted to message her for the first time in months to convince myself it wasn't real. "Hey, I just had a dream that you were dead and it really scared me, please tell me that you aren't." I knew it wasn't real, I literally say her sister a few weeks ago while her sister was on the phone with her. She posts on facebook a lot. I saw her niece yesterday and clearly nothing was abnormal. Obviously it wasn't real.

Some part of me was so scared though that hey, what if my brain IS just rewriting my reality or something. What if it is real? Again, totally irrational and there's no way she would have answered before I regretted saying something so obviously I didn't even attempt to. But some part of me was so freaked out that the thought really did cross my mind until I woke up enough to think more rationally.

I've had a nightmare with a similar ending years ago, like back when we were still friends. Completely different context but tldr it ended with her suddenly not texting me back after a couple concerning messages and me waking up abruptly after that. I immediately had to check her facebook to convince myself that it was just a dream and she was okay.

I'm very tired from the caffeine crash the migraine medicine caused earlier, so hopefully this makes any sense. Typing this up is making me zone out a bit tbh. tldr migraine nightmares are the worst

Usually when I get a migraine it starts in my sleep, I sleep through the beginning stage of it but sometimes that'll trigger a weird dream/nightmare, then when the headache pain kicks in that'll be in the dream until it finally gets strong enough to wake me up and I deliriously fumble around for medicine and a drink

Today is a weird one, because this time the nightmare it caused woke me up by almost making me irl cry before the headache ever even started. Managed to sleep a little longer, then when I was getting ready for work I kept spacing out, and THEN I felt the tiniest bit of the headache kicking in like "Oh shit it's a migraine day, okay"

The downside is that nightmare is definitely going to be in the back of my head all day, but I'm used to that when I get nightmares so I can cope.

The upside is at least I got to take the meds right when the headache started, meaning it's gone before I had to actually deal with that. Silver lining I guess lol

[kuiinncedes]

head back laughing like a little kid

idk why i’m formatting this like my other longer fic but . i thought of the lyric as a title and i really liked it lol (from taylor swift’s “begin again”)

here is some sleep-deprived shadowhunter!quinntina from the brain of a sleep-deprived jeanne :) 

it’s not really that relevant but this is kind of in the same verse as my other shadowhunter fics and lmk if anyone wants/needs explanation of shadowhunty stuff :P none of it is very relevant to the plot or anything in this one tho

and pls i wrote this in like an hour and barely proofread it but i’m just tired and have been wanting to write some quinntina again for so longgggggg so i finally did and i’m just gonna post it lol

fully under the cut because idk where to put the cut but yeah here’s an attempt at some fluff my dudes <3

***

Tina falls asleep on Quinn halfway through Monthly Columbus Institute Movie Night… or whatever they’re calling it. Her head lands softly on Quinn’s shoulder and Quinn shifts slightly to a more comfortable position, wrapping her arm around Tina’s shoulders. She ignores the glances of her friends, who are looking at her as if they aren’t the same brand of sappy and adorable with their significant others, and instead leans her cheek on the top of Tina’s head.

She guesses she falls asleep too. The next thing she knows, she wakes up to Kurt poking her like he’s five years old again. 

“Stop,” she grumbles, pushing his hand away but trying not to jostle Tina too much.

“Movie’s done. Go to bed.”

“You’re my parabatai, not my mom.” She makes another annoyed noise under her breath and Kurt chuckles, getting the point and making his way to the doorway where Blaine waits for him, and they leave the library together. 

Quinn starts to wake up a little more, but Tina’s still fast asleep, mouth slightly open and body completely relaxed but curled into Quinn’s. She smiles, brushing some strands of Tina’s black hair away from her face and pressing her lips to her forehead. 

“Hey,” she whispers, shrugging her shoulder a little but not wanting to jostle Tina too much. It does the trick - Tina’s always been a light sleeper - and Tina stirs, blinking her eyes open slowly. “Hey sleepyhead,” Quinn says, grinning, and kisses the tip of Tina’s nose.

Tina scrunches her nose and snuggles further into Quinn’s side. “Hey,” she answers, voice low. Her eyes slide shut again and her lips curl upward, a little playfully.

Quinn’s smile grows. “Planning to go to bed tonight? Why are you so wiped out?”

Tina hums. “Stayed up last night, used some Energy runes, had patrol, whatever.” She buries her face in Quinn’s neck. “I’m tired.”

“I can see that.”

Tina sticks out her tongue. Against Quinn’s neck. Who jumps slightly and squeaks in surprise. “You are two years old!” she laughs. “Tina!” 

Tina giggles and Quinn can feel it against the skin between her neck and shoulder. 

“Come on,” Quinn groans with a laugh, trying to stand up but there’s a whole Shadowhunter sprawled across her. “By the Angel, T, don’t you want to sleep in your bed?” 

“No, this is good.” Her voice is muffled against Quinn’s stomach now, somehow having gotten her to lie down across the couch and piled herself on top of her.

“You’re so annoying.”

“Only for you, baby.”

Quinn smiles so wide at the ceiling, because Raziel, she loves this idiot on her lap.

And if she has to spend the night on the cramped library couches for aforementioned idiot, she will.

(Not tonight, though.)

Quinn pulls Tina towards her, a random leftover Strength rune burning on her arm, and maneuvers her so that she’s carrying her with one arm under Tina’s knees and the other under her arms. 

“This isn’t easy, you know,” Quinn huffs as she stands, and Tina’s body is shaking with laughter as she walks out of the library. Quinn looks down at her and grins again, laughing and saying, “You are such a child when you’re tired.”

“Blame the Energy runes. They leave you burned out.”

“Oh, I’ll blame someone.”

“Yeah, you know what? Blame your fucking parabatai, he’s the one who kept me up last night with his new sketches even though he knew I had a day of patrols scheduled -- ” Tina cuts off with a short squeal as Quinn all but tosses her onto the bed, throwing herself on after, and they collapse into a fit of giggling.

Maybe tomorrow will also be an Energy-rune-and-crash kind of day.