#they are singing to each other while bowser burns down kingdoms

[sparklinglemmy]

Saw a post on main and went "someone make this happen" and I thought "wait I can make it happen" so I did :d

[itsbenedict]

Kingdoms and Koopas: Ep. 7

K&K is a Fate Accelerated campaign set in the Mario universe, which I’m running for three players:

Bee @thebeeskneesocks​, playing Kandace Koopa

Jovian @jovian12​, playing Cozmo Naut

Malky @sleepdepravity​, playing Dr. Chevy Chain

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Previously on Kingdoms and Koopas, the party journeyed to the Magic Kingdom in search of... well, a client, on Dr. Chain’s part, and the next Music Key on Kandace and Cozmo’s part. They arrived, got shot out of cannons, met the princess of the kingdom, and, oops, got entered in a kart-racing competition on Rainbow Road.

...Okay, some of them are on infirmary duty.

Dr. Chevy Chain arrives at the infirmary for the racers, where she learns a behind-the-scenes secret about how these things operate: since kart racing involves so much spectacular violence, they need a way to get racers who’ve been severely injured back onto the track to finish the race. The league’s solution, at least here in the Magic Kingdom, at the very deadliest course in the sport, is to hire a team of time magicians who can stop time and evacuate injured racers to the infirmary, where the doctors can keep an eye on them.

Unfortunately, while the time-stoppers are fine, it seems most of the usual pit crew doctors have, uh, quit. Over intolerable working conditions, apparently. Too many injuries too quickly, they said! Couldn’t handle that much carnage at once, they said! This probably bodes well.

The only remaining doctor- besides the recently-hired Chevy- is one Doctor Moneybags, a well-dressed koopa who sings the praises of what he calls his revolutionary technique of Monetary Medicine. You see, people like to get richer, so when you give them coins, they recover health! It’s very simple, a well-documented phenomenon, he claims. Even the famous Super Mario swears by it!

Chevy is suspicious.

Meanwhile, Kandace and Cozmo take their karts down to the starting line, and meet the other racers. There’s a few nobodies in the running, but there’s also some other racers who are not nobodies.

Bowser Jr. is here- the prince of the place they live, whoops. Probably not great to get on his bad side. The weird hooded figure with the pink beak and white gloves that apparently works for Kammy is here- apparently meaning to get his hands on that magical music orb that they’re offering as the prize. A masked vigilante is here- a mustachioed man calling himself “Mr. L”, racing “for the sake of freedom”. There’s also, just, a Yoshi, who doesn’t have a kart, and seems to intend to just run it as a footrace. 

Kandace and the hooded figure get in a little argument over who’s going to win- it’s going to be the hooded figure! No, it’s going to be Kandace! NO, says one of the other racers, it’s gonna be HIM! He’s the CHAMP!

That’s right- the RAWK is here! Well-versed in being the champion of things, there’s no doubt he’s going to be the winner! Look at his championship belt- proof he’s the favorite to win! His hordes of adoring fans in the audience ain’t gonna be disappointed! 

So, before the race starts: here’s how we handled things mechanically.

The race is two laps around the course. Each turn, everyone picks an action, and then moves a default number of spaces, representing basic driving competency. Various opportunities to pick up speed, impede foes, and careen wildly out of control and fall off the map exist. Each colored section of track represents a new set of obstacles, and the blue lines represent rows of item boxes. Whenever you enter a new zone on your turn, you take on the associated challenge- steering around sharp turns, tricking off ramps, using boost pads without falling off, etc. 

By default, the players’ karts and the named characters move 3 spaces per turn, with the last-place fodder moving two per turn. If your kart has high top speed, like Cozmo’s magical muscle car, you move +1 space as long as you didn’t crash or get hit the previous turn. If it has high acceleration, like Kandace’s broom, you move +1 space when you do get hit or crash or fall off, since you recover faster from setbacks. (There’s also +handling, which helps on sharp turns and hazard rolls, but neither of them sprung for that one.)

With that in mind... let’s start the race!

Kandace shoots out ahead to an early lead on the straightaway with a high Quick roll- but she’s trailed by Rawk Hawk, whose kart seems to break regulations- it’s equipped with a huge engine from another speed class. Where the heck’s the ref, huh? This guy’s cheating!

Unfortunately, right after the straightaway, there’s some sharp turns. And... well, Kandace and Cozmo both have Careful as their dump stat, and that’s the stat you need to roll to be good at not falling off the course. So, naturally, they both roll terribly and fall right off. (Kandace tries a cool stunt she learned from watching Cozmo, but watching isn’t the same as doing, and she totally wipes out.) One of the trackside safety assistants, a lakitu with a ponytail named Lakilulu, rescues Kandace and berates her for trying something so stupid, which doesn’t go over well. How come she’s gotta be so rude about saving her life?

Rawk Hawk’s pulled into the lead. Up next is a series of narrow boost pads on a narrow section of the course- it’s risky to go for them, since it ups your chances of falling off, but if you can manage it, that’s a ton of extra distance. They both go for it, and... also fail, again. Rawk Hawk’s lead would be crazy at this point, but thankfully Mr. L manages to snipe him with a green shell. 

(Bringing up the rear is Yoshi, who moves one space per turn and is just here to have a good time.)

Bowser Jr. is coming up behind them, and Kandace wants to shake him- so she convinces her stuffy shadow, Carbonado, that winning this race is an important school assignment, since the prize is the headmistress’s magic orb. He assists by shifting into the appearance of Bowser, and scolding Bowser Jr. for playing hooky to race go-karts.

As people start to catch up, Rawk Hawk pulls out a bob-omb! Except... he’s been in first place this whole time, so how’d he even get that? Cheating again! He tosses it and knocks down a track marker, causing an iron beam to fall into the track and obstruct the racers. 

Thankfully, Kandace picked up an item of her own- she lucked into grabbing the lightning, and deploys it now- everyone shrinks except her. She actually pulls off Cozmo’s stunt this time, and jumps the beam on her broom-bike- while Cozmo, shrunken, manages to drive right underneath. They’re hot on the birdman’s heels now!

The next section is Cozmo’s time to shine: it’s a wide-open area with loads of ramps to trick off of, and he’s been training for this his entire life. He gets some sick air- and Kandace does pretty well, too! With the extra speed from the jumps, they manage to catch up to Rawk Hawk.

Cozmo, too, grabbed an item- he manages to hit Rawk Hawk with a green shell, and the hooded figure tosses a red shell at same. The Rawk is stopped dead, and Cozmo and Kandace shoot out into the lead! (Even Yoshi manages to make up some ground, using a bullet bill ride item.)

Here’s the problem with being in first place, though: this is Mario Kart.

So as soon as Kandace makes it up through the star slingshot, what’s waiting for her is a big blue surprise.

Time stops, and Kandace- plus Mr. L and Bowser Jr., who both took some pretty nasty hits- are rushed to the infirmary by Lakitu. Oh, also one of the last-placers, a boo, is there. 

Chevy and Dr. Moneybags have to divide up the work. Chevy opts to treat Bowser Jr. and the boo- the boo because it’s an interesting medical challenge, and Bowser Jr. because it’s always good to have the prince in your debt. Bowser Jr. is thankful both for the treatment and the apparent respect she gives him, and he says he’ll put in a good word with his dad. The boo... well, she tries her best. Apparently too much light exposure from a particularly bright fireball- she treats him by stuffing him under a bed, where it’s dark. Sure.

Meanwhile, Doctor Moneybags is mumbling something to himself as he gets out some coins to treat Kandace’s explosion burns. Chevy tries to listen in, but can’t make it out. Dang it!

Once everyone’s back on the racetrack, time resumes- there’s more sharp turns, which slows them down, but Cozmo takes the lead, clearing the last section of obstacles. It’s an incredibly steep slope dotted with pits and bumps. There’s a lot of ways to handle it, but Cozmo does so by being quick enough to take a shortcut around most of the hazards early on. As he blasts ahead on the straightaway, Kandace is neck-and-neck with Rawk Hawk and the hooded figure, fighting for second.

The hooded figure wipes out on the downhill jam to the finish, and Kandace and Rawk Hawk keep moving. Kandace grabs a fake item box right before the sharp turns, and... she thinks she might use her magic to try and do them right, this time. She’s not sure if it’d be against the rules to use magic, though- she eventually decides to play it safe, and tries the turns on her own. Her move pays off- she clears them and pulls ahead of Rawk Hawk as he wipes out on the turns. Kandace deploys the fake item box, which gets him again when he recovers, slowing him down even more. Our heroes have developed a comfortable lead- so you know what that means.

Cozmo eats blue shell, and gets sent to the infirmary. There’s also a random toad there, and... well. Chevy has a plan, this time. First, she volunteers to treat Cozmo- and then, she tells him the plan.

Chevy asks Doctor Moneybags to swap patients- and he acquiesces, taking Cozmo to his table. Cozmo’s task is to listen very closely to what exactly Moneybags is muttering as he treats him- and since X-Nauts are genetically-engineered to be loyal soldiers who listen closely to orders, his excellent hearing lets him hear it exactly. And a lucky roll on remembering things... means he knows what the magic spell he hears Moneybags casting is.

He heard about it while waiting outside one of Kandace’s classrooms for her to come out and do some more of the magical experiments she likes to do on him- apparently, this is a healing spell that responsible mages recommend you not use. The incantation imparts healing energy to an object- but the side-effect is that the patient develops a powerful addiction to that object for some time. When used on coins, this manifests as uncontrollable greed.

Cozmo tells Chevy about this, and Chevy reports this to one of the timestop Wizzerds, who agrees to keep an eye out for some way this could unfairly affect the race.

...I wonder how, though? Not a lot of money on the track... and why’s Moneybags doing this, anyway?

Aaaaanyway, the race continues! 

Cozmo’s still got a bit of a lead, but the sharp turns are coming up, and he’s no good at those. Still- he manages it, just barely, and keeps out in front! 

Meanwhile, Kandace is fighting to maintain second place. As she does so, she hits an item box- and gets a special item! Specifically, her special item, Double Dash style. Her special item is... a permission slip?

The permission slip permits her to use her own magic, once, to interfere with the match. So... good thing she decided not to use it earlier, without the permission slip! She uses her magic, in this case, to transmogrify the wheels on Rawk Hawk’s cart- into squares, with a turn-round-things-square spell. RH screeches to a halt, his wheels no longer cooperating.

Cozmo, meanwhile, is headed into the final downhill jam on his way to the finish line! But... what’s this?

Rawk Hawk’s many adoring fans are in the stands by the finish line, and they’re... dumping something onto the track! It’s money- loads and loads of money! An embarrassment of coins!

And Cozmo and Kandace, who Chevy let Moneybags treat, feel an overpowering urge to stop their karts, get out, and start scooping up as much money as they possibly can.

Cozmo, by a feat of willpower, and possibly by a feat of going way too fast to slow down in time, manages to resist bailing and going for the coins- and that’s all it takes for him to cross the finish line, and come in first place! 

And after that, thanks to Chevy warning the Wizzerd, time stops and the racetrack staff clean the coins off the track, clearing the hazard. Rawk Hawk’s plan- bribe the doctors to leave, replace them with his own doctor, have that doctor enchant everyone to crave coins, have his fans dump money on the track, watch as his competition abandons the race to gather pennies- has been summarily foiled!

Kandace- attempting again to pull off Cozmo’s sick stunts- flies into the air, over the pits, and with an incredible burst of speed manages to follow Cozmo across the finish line to steal second! The hooded figure, muttering something about cheaters, takes third- and Rawk Hawk is overtaken by the Yoshi and takes dead last, as his square wheels refuse to move.

Shortly thereafter, Kandace, Cozmo, and the hooded figure are escorted to the victory ceremony! Cozmo accepts the first-place trophy from Opal- who then gives Kandace the silver trophy and tells her that she knew she could do it!

The third-place winner, the tall hooded figure whose pink beak sticks out of the magical darkness of the hood... mutters something. He says “Waaaa... everybody cheated but me!”

Actually, maybe that’s a nose, not a beak...?

Kandace doesn’t care, though, because the prize is being brought out- and, uh. Well. It’s, um... it’s a large hovering sphere of intricate brasswork, housing a complicated magical mechanism that plays music on its own. It’s clearly very fancy and expensive-looking, and the crowd gasps when they see it. To Cozmo Naut goes the Orb of Orchestration!

Which, if you recall, is not even slightly the magical music orb they came up here to find.

Kandace turns on her magic-sensing, and notes that the Music Key is still hovering somewhere over Rainbow Road, invisible. She takes off from the victory podium and just... sorta flies in its direction for a bit, until she CLANGs into something large and invisible, well before reaching it.

Opal, concerned, follows her- and casts a spell to dispel the invisibility effect on whatever it is that’s hovering over the course.

From down in the crowds, one Oneiro Naut, who was definitely just here studying dreams with Princess Opal and not anything more nefarious than that, screams “OUR COVER IS BLOWN!”, and various toads in the audience- who reveal themselves to be X-Nauts and alien bunnies wearing papier-mache toad disguises- begin pointing ray guns and taking hostages.

(Y’all, remember that prophecy about how “a dream is a nightmare waiting to happen?)

From the giant UFO roughly the size of the entire racetrack, hovering over everything, comes a booming voice that is horrifyingly familiar to our newly-crowned Rainbow Road champion: the voice of one Sir Grodus, ordering his troops to commence the invasion of the Magic Kingdom.

SO GET READY FOR THAT TO HAPPEN NEXT TIME???

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