#they are similar enough in the sense of loneliness and being made to feel unworthy that I could see them | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

the-knees-of-the-bees · 7 years ago

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Sync [Ignis Scientia X FemReader] - Chapter 1/3

This was a little gift to myself for my birthday in an attempt to break me out of my discouragement on my other fic. It was actually nice to just write freely and not spend so much time on research and editing (so please take this fic with a grain of salt, i only made two passes at it with editing lol). This also isn’t an original idea, I’ve seen a couple different amazing versions of this similar concept so this is just my take on it. Enjoy!

Could anything else possibly go wrong in your life? Work, family, friends, your relationship; everything was pushing you to your limits. You desperately needed a change of scenery but when a weekend of self-care suddenly goes awry, you wonder if your new found situation is not so bad after all...

Chapter themes/warnings: Explicit language, depression, fluff, angst, suggestive themes, SFW Word Count: 6,221 AO3 Link - Sync Screenshot permission and credit to @dizzymoogle

You slammed your apartment door shut as you kicked off your shoes, turning to click the lock with a ferocity in your fingertips. You shrugged your bag off your shoulder, letting it flop neglectfully on the ground by the door as you stomped through the hallway towards the kitchen. It had been such a terrible month at work and today proved to be no different. Your coworkers were driving you insane in the past few days, constantly putting off essential tasks as if you wouldn’t notice their laziness. You were beginning to feel completely overwhelmed and exhausted, finding yourself working overtime and barely being compensated or appreciated for it. Today had really pushed you to your limits and you nearly snapped; regrettably being short with one of your colleagues that you normally enjoyed working with on a daily basis.

You released an exasperated breath, feeling equally angry and guilty for your behavior, but you wanted to make a point to them and to allow it to continue would only drive you to the brink of resignation. You shook your head and slid your jacket off, hanging it over the back of the barstool at the kitchen island. You unclipped your necklace as you marched towards your bedroom, tossing it on your jewelry stand. A plain gray t-shirt and loose shorts waited for you on the edge of your bed, you reached for the pair as you shifted out of your work clothes, discarding them in the hamper.

You were beginning to wonder how much more you could possibly take; work was testing your limits, you had been distant with some of your friends as of late, and you haven’t talked to your mom in a few days ever since your fight with her over the past weekend. Not to mention your mind was still lingering on the fact that you felt lonely and unloved after breaking up with your boyfriend a couple of months back. You didn’t want to admit that you were depressed even though your attitude showed it; you haven't been to a psychologist or even a primary care doctor in over two years so you could only imagine the damage your mind and body had sustained in that time.

A long drawn out sigh escaped your lips and you worked your way back to the kitchen to prepare dinner. You searched languidly through the refrigerator, not feeling the energy to eat but you knew it was necessary, anything would suffice at this point, you could honestly care less. Thank god it was Friday, as cliche as it sounded, but it was true, you needed the time to yourself this weekend. You thought about all the things you could do in those two days: that art project that was half finished, putting up those shelves and decor along your bare wall, finally organizing the wreck inside of your closet…

No. As much as all of those projects needed to be completed you knew you wouldn’t have the drive to do any of them. Maybe I’ll go out this weekend instead… A change of scenery was what you really needed so you finalized the idea in your head. I just need to break up this boring routine in my life…. I just need something new. A smile crept up your face and for once you felt a sense of vigor pulse through your veins.

You gave yourself one final look over in the body mirror. Twirling around in a cream colored floral wrap dress you had bought months ago but felt too timid to wear. You had been feeling particularly self-conscious ever since you had split with your ex-boyfriend, some days refusing to apply your make-up as it would mean nothing to anyone who crossed your path. But today you were determined to shake the negative feelings that hovered over you for so long. You went all out, accenting your eyes with that new expensive shadow palette and contouring your lips with that bold lipstick that sat in pristine condition. For the first time in what seemed like an eternity, you felt beautiful and you were ready to show it.

Grabbing your purse and keys, you slipped on your comfy shoes. A stroll through one of the local parks to enjoy the gorgeous spring day was the first thing on your agenda. You locked your apartment door behind you as you strode confidently down the hall towards the parking garage.

You settled on a park you had recently seen boasted about on the news. It was further outside of the city but you figured it was worth the drive to see something different. As you pulled up to the park’s entrance, you noticed small groupings of parents and their children enjoying the gorgeous green fields. Kites whirled around in the air as soccerballs flew across the grass, it was truly the sight of a typical family weekend.

You stepped out of your car, grabbing your things as you surveyed where to go. Wandering aimlessly seemed to be a great start as you were content to get lost in the fresh air of the outdoors. A bridge overlooking a small lake came into view as flocks of ducks swarmed the small body of water. It was an odd sensation to feel relaxed, you made the mental note to continue this pattern more often. You took your time as you strode along the paved walkways that winded through the park before finally stopping at the apex of the wooden bridge.

A couple strolled behind you, discussing a movie that they had just seen in elaborate detail and analysis. You smiled to yourself, remembering those days with your ex. But your smile quickly faded as you were grossly reminded that you were single now. You shook the thought off and began wandering again. You came upon a park bench and sat down, looking over at the reflection of clouds that glided over the surface of the lake.

Determined to not habitually glance at your phone, you set your purse to your side and leaned back into the seat. You wanted to enjoy today, you wanted to enjoy your life, and you wanted to feel renewed.

Another couple walked in front of you as they shared loving glances at one another. A new couple no doubt, you could see that they were clearly in the awkward first stages of romance. You pursed your lips and tore your gaze away from them, the same sinking feeling hitting you again. You huffed a sigh and tried to desperately ignore the sudden awareness you had for every couple in the park. How they walked around playfully shoving one another, stealing quick pecks on each other's lips, swinging their arms as they locked their hands together.

Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all… you dropped your head to stare at your lap, trying to devise a new game plan for the day. You didn’t want to waste such a perfect opportunity to do something different but you were quickly realizing it was failing to pan out the way you had envisioned. You knew the park was just going to continue to remind you of your loneliness despite how beautiful and refreshing the scene was today. You stood up and headed towards your car.

You closed the driver side door and placed your hands on the steering wheel, resting your forehead against it. The outdoor mall was a possibility, but there was nothing in particular that you needed, not to mention you could easily drop way too much money in an attempt to fill your void. You thought about going to the movies but there was nothing of interest that you wanted to see. Ultimately, you decided to head home, maybe a glass of wine and catching up on one of your tv series would cheer you up. You sat on the idea for a moment before throwing your car into reverse… fuck it, whatever.

You flopped on to your couch, placing your glass of wine on the coffee table, grabbing the remote to flick the television on. Every channel appeared unworthy of your attention as you flipped through them one by one. The local news flashed on the screen. You hoped that the weather report would be next so you could re-attempt your failed outting tomorrow.

“Teams are still investigating the cause of a deadly accident earlier this evening on the east side. Reports are coming in that the driver suddenly lost control of the vehicle and collided with a utility pole, resulting in a downed transformer. Residents in the area have reported sudden temporary power outtages and are encouraged to contact their local service providers for up to date information. In other news —”

You changed the channel, not wanting to wait all night for the weather report. After flipping through the guide for a second time, you realized there was nothing of interest so you grabbed your PS4 controller, powering up the device. The soft material of your dress draped around your body as you reclined across the crouch, debating whether to change into your pajamas but it was surprisingly comfortable enough to lounge in. You leaned into the arm rest while the main menu illuminated the screen.

“A Final Fantasy for Fans and First Timers…”

The night wore on as you found yourself, once again, dragged into an endless evening of side quests and bounty hunts. You cursed at the screen as you bailed out of another Naga fight, completely drained of your curatives. Hours flew by and you felt your eyes begin to flutter as you clicked to fast travel the boys back to Hammerhead. You watched the loading bar slowly creep along the edge of the screen, reading over the little paragraph of info while you waited. Your eyes felt even heavier now as you propped your elbow on the armrest and laid your head on your hand. Just one more side quest and I’ll call it a night. The controller teetered on your fingers as it rocked unbalanced within your limp palm. A romantic tune filled your apartment as the delicate piano arrangement coerced you with its gentle lullaby as you drifted off to sleep…

Your face twitched as you felt your shoulder rub against something rough and gritty. A hard textured surface pressed against your forehead causing you to shift with irritation and annoyance; your skin felt hot and prickly as an unbearable heat surrounded every inch of your body. Since when did I leave the heater on? You willed your tired eyes open, aggravated with yourself that you had left all the lights on in your apartment.

Wait, I only… had the lamp on last night…

You were startled to find that you were lying along the side of a road. The piercing rays of the sun reflected harshly off the surface forcing you to squint. You pushed yourself up slowly with your forearms until you were perched up on your knees. What.. the hell.. ?

Your eyes darted around the foreign scenery as you stumbled to your feet, your breathing steadily increasing as your heart began to pound in your chest. It was a stretch of desert highway, barren and devoid of any signs of life. You looked down and gripped your clothing, it was the dress you wore last night, dusty and wrinkled. Oh my god… have I been kidnapped?! You patted your arms and neck, checking for any signs of struggle or tenderness from injury. Thankfully, your body felt fine and painless. When you were finally convinced that you were physically unharmed, you began to search yourself and the ground for your cell phone. Your eyes darted around the sandy terrain as you foraged your body for something; your wallet, cash, ID, a credit card, anything. Your hands sunk to your side as you realized you were alone on a giant expanse of highway with absolutely nothing and no idea of where you could possibly be.

The heat radiated off of the road causing a mirage of water to reflect off the surface. You continued to search the horizon, looking for any buildings or passing cars that you could flag down but all you could hear was the grinding of the sand beneath your shoes as you pivoted on your heel.

If you were truly kidnapped, or the product of a crazy human trafficking scheme, your captors were bound to be back so you thought it best to get moving. You looked back and forth down the road, debating which way to go. The sun sat high in the sky which meant it was roughly about noon. I guess it doesn’t matter, hopefully someone is bound to drive down this way.. You started walking, praying that a gas station was not far away.

Your feet were beginning to feel unbearably sore, having walked nearly an hour now in the blazing heat. Beads of sweat began to fall down your temple as your mouth felt dry, your lips split and cracked. Your purposeful stride had turned into an exhaustive shuffle as your skin became tender from the sun’s unwanted embrace.

You stopped, searching the land again for anything that could help you in your desperate situation, but only cacti and brittle tumbleweeds filled the landscape for miles. A flicker of light flashed in your periphery. You stared fervently at it for a moment. It shined again. A sudden excitement overwhelmed you and you sprinted towards it, hoping it could be something of use. You searched the ground desperately as you saw it shine again with a gleaming blue spark, but your brows crinkled in disappointment. You picked up the item, a pure black exoskeleton that looked much like a scorpion stinger. You turned the fractured tail in your palm, why would this be shining? You let out a defeated sigh but luckily your dress had a hidden pocket so you placed it inside, hoping that if your captors returned for you, the least you could do was stab them with the tiny stinger.

Praying for some kind of miracle, you looked down the road through the transparent layer of heat that wove off of the hot asphalt. A fuzzy dark object sat on the horizon; you squinted and gasped excitedly, it was a building. You lightly jogged, not wanting to waste too much of your energy in case it was nothing more than another mirage, but as you came closer the details of the building became clearer. It was a diner, an inhabited diner. Two cars were parked outside of another building across the street as a handful of people ambled within the small town. You began sprinting towards it, ignoring the pain in your legs and the dry hot air that your lungs inhaled. As you entered the outskirts of the little outpost you noticed a motel sign situated atop of another establishment. Thank god, you would be able to rest while you waited for the cops to pick you up.

But as you reached the edge of the diner, you paused. Something about the scene looked… very familiar. Maybe your alleged captors dumped you closer to home than you had previously thought but you struggled to place a finger on it. You shook the feeling off, right now you needed to find a phone and call the authorities immediately. Ignoring all the signs and advertisements plastered up along the windows of the restaurant, you stepped inside and made your way to the counter. The attendant was in the middle of a transaction with another customer so you waited patiently behind them. There was no need to make a giant scene in front of everyone, you were not injured so you didn’t want to draw unnecessary attention to yourself. Once the police arrive, you could figure out the details of your abduction once you got home.

The waiter chit chatted with the patron, joking about something you didn’t care to listen to but as you stood there you couldn’t help but allow your eyes to finally wander the interior of the diner. Why does this all seem so familiar? What is it, seriously…

“Ahem,” the man repeated.

You shook out of your distraction, embarrassed that you had not realized the customer before you had already left.

“Oh I’m sorry,” you answered, stepping up to the counter, “This is going to sound completely insane, but long story short I think I’ve been kidnapped and I really to need to use your phone.”

The attendant stared at you for a moment before his eyes widened a bit, “Are.. are you hurt?”

“No, thankfully not but I don’t have anything on me. My cell, my wallet, everything. I just need to use your phone so I can call the police.”

“The… poh-lees?” he asked with a baffled voice.

“Yeah,” you looked down the counter and spotted a rotary phone at the end, “Can I please use it?”

“Uh… sure,” he gestured with his hand towards it, “let me know if you need anything else.”

You smiled gratefully at him, “thank you so much, I will.”

You jogged to the end of the counter, grabbing the phone frantically as you punched the emergency digits, waiting with bated breath. Dial tone.

What? You hung up the phone, believing you had dialed in error as easy of a number as it was, you typed the numbers again, slowly this time.

Dial tone.

What the hell? You hung it up again with your hand still gripping the handle of the phone. Let me call mom. You punched her number.

Dial tone.

You hung the phone up once again, looking down at the attendant who was busy now with another customer. You picked up the phone, punching your best friend’s number.

Dial tone.

You hung up the phone for the final time. Just my fucking luck, their phones are down. You huffed a defeated sigh and walked back over to the waiter. You patiently waited your turn when you overheard something odd.

“Total is 500 gil today.”

You snapped your head towards the register. Did I just hear him right? No, there’s no way. I’m just dehydrated and exhausted, my mind is all over the place right now. The customer turned to walk away as the waiter acknowledged you with a nod.

“Everything alright?”

“Uhh… not really. I can’t get a hold of anyone. Are your phones down?”

The side of his face pinched with confusion, “Not that I know of. It’s been ringin’ fine all day.”

“Oh… well can you at least tell me where I am? Everything here seems so familiar. I’m wondering if I’m closer to home than I thought.”

“Well this is Longwythe, its on the western side of Leide. You from Lestallum or the crown city by chance?”

Lestallum?? Crown city?? You stared at the man blankly.

He noticed the color had suddenly drained from your face. “Ma’am, you alright?”

“I… I…” you stammered. This has to be a joke. THIS HAS TO BE.

You backed up slowly until you bumped into an anchored bar stool, nearly knocking down a napkin dispenser with your flailing arm. There’s no way… there’s just no way. You turned towards the door, shoving it open as you stumbled out of the restaurant.

“Ma’am! Ma’am!”

You ignored the attendant’s pleas as you whipped yourself around to look at the diner’s name. ‘Crow’s Nest Diner.’

Fearing for what you would see, you slowly turned to survey the rest of the outpost. ‘The Three Z’s Motel’, ‘Rent-a-Chocobo.’ What kind of fucked up joke is this!?

You paced down the street but everything seemed to match perfectly to what you played… in the Final Fantasy video game.

Panic struck you like a moving train. Who on earth would devise such an elaborate prank to play, you exclaimed inwardly. Whoever it was, they had way too much time on their hands and quite frankly it wasn’t entertaining. You searched for hidden cameras of the deranged tv show your ‘captors’ had volunteered you for, anger quickly replacing your panicked state. Enough is enough.

“HA HA HA, very funny you guys! But it’s a pretty fucked up thing to do to make someone think they’ve been kidnapped!!” You shouted aloud to the invisible camera men. Two women turned their attention towards you before whispering quietly to one another. You shot them an angry look, pissed that they had agreed to play along with this tortuous prank.

“These son of a bitches..” you mumbled to yourself. “Alright, I’m done with this.” The heat on your face was hotter than the sun that fried your skin. You stomped down the street, escaping the fake town to find someone with a cell phone so you could call a Lyft.

The level of irritation was enough to fuel you a few miles down the desert highway. You continued to mumble obscenities to yourself as your weekend had taken a drastic and annoying turn.

As you walked furiously along the edge of the road, you heard a rustling of dried shrubs in the field. You stopped to look at it, convinced it was the camera crew following your reaction to their expensive joke. But the commotion ceased and you returned to your path.

You walked a few more meters and the disturbance continued.

“I really don’t find this funny AT ALL,” you shouted at your stalkers.

A strange clicking noise began resonating from its direction. Your heart rate increased, “STOP. You’re lucky if I don’t end up suing every one of you!”

A sudden movement began darting through the thick bushes, heading directly at you causing you to instinctively sprint down the road. The noise still managed to keep up as you quickly glanced over your shoulder. A large black curl shaped object emerged from the brush. What the hell is that?!? Before you could even form another thought, the object leapt into the air, landing in front of you as a cloud of dust kicked up like a curtained unveiling.

It was an enormous scorpion.

You halted in place, shock overcoming your entire being. It snapped its giant claws as it curled its deadly stinger high above its head. Your body froze as your mind failed to comprehend what was going on before you.

A high-pitched screech erupted from the massive scorpion as it lunged its stinger towards you. You screamed, rolling into the sand to dodge its attack. You stumbled to your feet as another piercing screech echoed through the valley. A pincer suddenly swung at you. You ducked just in time, feeling a few strands of your hair yanked from your scalp. Tears began to spill from your face as you scurried along the ground, hiding behind a large cactus. The thorns pricked your hands as you pressed them against the green base, your eyes never leaving the monstrous insect. It spotted you again as it swiped its other claw at you, snipping the cactus in half as you screamed aloud. You sprinted towards the road, falling to your knees in sobs. You shakily climbed to your feet, backing up to watch the scorpion eye you with a look of hunger in its piercing black eyes. This was it, there was no way out of this nightmarish hell, this is how it ends for you.

A loud honk suddenly stunned you from your right. You whipped your head to see a vehicle driving straight at you. You gasped as you thrust your body towards the opposite side of the road, rolling on to the cracked shoulder.

You momentarily blacked out as you heard the car swerve and the tires screeched to a halt. Several doors are opened and slammed as a frenzied commotion suddenly unleashed in the background. Stern voices shout aloud as gunshots and clangs of metal ripped through the air. A thunderous noise filled your years as a small tremor shook the ground below, causing you to stir. Then silence.

“Hey! Miss! Are you okay!?” a chirpy young voice blurted out.

You laid motionless for a moment, still in shock and pain from the horrifying ordeal.

“Oh man, do you think we’re too late? Is she—” another soft voice asked.

You grumbled from the ache in your body, slowly lifting your head.

“Oh thank the Astrals! She’s alive, I seriously thought I killed her,” the first male exclaimed.

You rolled onto your side, looking up at four figures that leaned over you as your bleary eyes attempted to focus on them. You lifted your arm to block the harsh sun light that washed out the details of their faces.

One of them stood up, turning to what you assumed was the young, yet familiar voice, “This is EXACTLY what happens when your attentions are elsewhere. A moving vehicle is just as deadly as any lethal blade, if you continue to demonstrate this behavior than you will refrain from taking seat behind the wheel.”

That voice… I know it. But it can’t… it can’t seriously be…

A gruff man added, “We should get her out of the sun, that Saphyrtail nearly had her for dinner.”

Before you could even comment, a pair of hands found their way to your upper arms, carefully raising you to your feet. You stared down at the ground, heavily debating if you should raise your head to meet your rescuers but the internal turmoil of seeing who you expected was beginning to terrify you.

“Hey miss, are you okay?” A gentle hand touched your shoulder.

You finally gathered the courage to look up and it was exactly as you had feared.

It was THEM. The four stars of the video game, in the flesh and blood, staring directly at you. Your jaw went slack as your head began to spin again. Your knees began to collapse beneath you, dragging your faint body down.

“Whoa whoa whoa!!” Prompto shouted, grabbing your arms to pull you up. “Okay yeah let’s get her to the car.”

You felt a firm set of arms gather your frame, as you were hoisted effortlessly into the air. You looked through fuzzy eyes to see freshly inked skin and toned pectoral muscles, coated with a glistening layer of sweat, cradle you tenderly. Cool leather unexpectedly grazed your skin, sending a brief chill up your spine as you faded from consciousness for the third time today.

“Poor thang, she looks all kinds of beat up. You say she was just standin’ on the side of the road?” A sweet accented voice inquired.

You groaned, rolling your head side to side, slowly peeling your eyes open to see a bright round light above, the sun? You gripped a soft material beneath your palms, realizing that you were lying on a bed.

“Wait, she’s awake!” Prompto cheered.

You pressed your hand to your head, feeling the pressure that throbbed on your temple. “Where.. where am I?”

The curly blonde female spoke, “Well you’re in Hammerhead, girly. And it looks like you took a fine lickin’ back there. What on Eos happened to you?”

“Wha..?”

Prompto answered for you, “Iiiiiii might have accidentally almost ran her over.” Tapping his fingertips together nervously.

You pushed yourself up, your hand still on your head as you blinked your eyes a few times to clear your vision. You looked up, and once again, you stared in disbelief at the sight before you.

The four men, now with Cindy, were scattered around the interior of an RV, discussing your situation. You could feel your heartbeat in your ears; it was only logical that someone had drugged you and this surreal hallucination was the result. You rose to your feet, trembling as you studied everyone’s features. Not a single detail was missed, from their mannerisms to clothing, they were truly the living and breathing characters.

All eyes were suddenly on you but the only thing you could think of was getting to a phone and getting the hell out of there before you had a psychotic episode. The door to the camper was propped open, you took a shaky step before sprinting towards it, tripping ungracefully through it.

You looked up to see the sky had turned a brilliant pink and purple, night was upon you. You remembered the layout of Hammerhead so you turned immediately to your left to see the diner in view. But before you could take another step, a firm hand grabbed you by the wrist.

“Madam, you are injured and disoriented. I must insist that you rest,” Ignis stated as he held you in place.

You blinked at him with both a fear and anger in your exhausted face. In your world, you were completely enamored by the advisor but seeing him now in this twisted and warped reality, you wanted nothing more than to wake up from this cruel joke.

You didn’t resist his grasp as you snapped at him, “this has really gotten out of control. Whoever is doing this to me needs to stop. It's not funny. It will never be funny. And it’s a pretty asshole move to play with my head like this.”

Ignis loosened his hold, staring directly into your eyes, “… ma’am, please. We truly had no role to play in the injustice that has befallen you. I apologize if we made you feel this way. We are merely trying to assist you.” He released your wrist gently.

Emotion had completely over come you, “None of this.. none of this makes any sense. How can you.. how can you be real!?” you brought your hands up to cover your face, pinching your eyes shut.

He placed both hands on your shoulders, “I promise we will do everything we can to help you. But please, come inside first.”

As an avid fan of the game, it was fortunate that you adored the advisor so much, hearing his voice was surprisingly soothing despite your failed attempts to convince yourself that he was merely a figment of your imagination. You nodded, lowering your hands as you paced pathetically back towards the RV. The group crowded the doorway, watching the events unfold. You climbed up the stairs as they parted way to let you through. You slumped on to the bed, staring down at your shoes as you wiped a tear away from your jaw.

Noct crouched down to your level, “It… looks like you’ve been through a lot,” he fumbled with his hands, “So…. maybe we’ll just start with something easy. What’s your name?”

You lifted your head just slight enough to see him through your lidded eyes, “…[Y/N].”

“Ah, well, [Y/N]. It was nice to meet you. And sorry for almost… uhh, killing you.”

You managed to huff a genuine laugh for the first time all day. “That’s okay. I didn’t thank you for saving me from that giant scorpion. So I guess we’re even.”

Gladio added, “You’re pretty banged up, we have a first aid kit, you can stay here tonight with us if you want.”

Noct agreed, “Yeah, if you’re hungry, Ignis is a pro in the kitchen, you can take the bed here if you like.”

“Well fellas, this pretty little thing ain’t gonna feel at home with you all buzzin’ over her like a flock of Daggerquill! Let the girl get some rest. Nothing like a hot shower to renew some life in a gal!” she chimed happily at you.

You returned a weak smile. You felt guilty that Cindy had annoyed you so much in the game, she was proving to be a genuine sweetheart after all.

Gladio waved his hand towards the others, “Like the lady says, give [Y/N] some space,” as he gestured for the rest to leave.

“Yeah, if you don’t mind, I’d like to clean up a little..” you uttered in a low voice.

Gladio smirked as he shoved Prompto out of the RV, a blush forming on the blonde’s cheeks. The rest followed suit as the door closed behind them.

You finally gave in to your situation; you were too tired and defeated to do anything else at this point, so you decided to take up their offer of hospitality. You paced around the narrow mobile home, searching for the bathroom as you opened several doors before finally spotting the shower. You sighed with relief, just like Cindy said, a shower is all a girl needs to feel like a new person. You reached for the knot that sat on your waist of your gown before a realization struck you. This dress was the only thing you had on you, literally.

You let out a loud groan. Various options began flitting through your mind. I could stand in the shower with my dress on, that way my dress would get washed too? Or, I can shower and wear my dirty dress to sleep? OR I can shower and wash my dress separate and sport a towel around all night. The last thought was instantly ruled out. You sighed, shower in my dress it is.

You scratched your head with frustration as you walked back to the main room to search for a bottle of shampoo and soap when a soft knock came from the door. Cracking it open, a glint from a pair of glasses came into view.

“Ah, my apologies, [Y/N]. It has just occurred to me that you most likely have none of your personal belongings on you.”

You were impressed by his level of consideration and foresight, “Uhh, yeah, I actually just… figured I would shower with my dress on and kill two birds with one stone.”

He chuckled, “That’s quite the metaphor. But if you wouldn’t mind…” he waited for your permission to let him in. You opened up the door as he stepped inside. He immediately turned down the hallway, disappearing behind one of the dividers. A faint bout of shuffling could be heard and he returned a few minutes later with a pair of neatly folded clothes in his hands.

“Forgive me, they will be excessively large on you, but if you can bear it for one evening, we can purchase a few necessities for you in the morning.”

You desperately wished you could fight back the blush that burned on your cheeks. You shakily reached your hands out and took the clothes from him. Ignis Scientia’s clothes.

“We will not disturb you, so take all the time you need. I have not prepared dinner yet, so if you are hungry you are welcome to join us.”

You caught yourself staring at him before shaking off your hypnotic gaze, “Yeah, that’d be great, thanks again,” lifting the clothes up to gesture your gratitude.

He smiled, “Not a problem at all. Well, I’ll leave you to it then.” He turned and exited the camper.

Once the door clicked shut, you couldn’t help but bury your face indulgently into the pile. It was exactly as you had hoped, the smell of clean linen and remnants of his cologne were still laced between the fibers. You exhaled a dreamy sigh, praying he had not forgotten something and returning to find you creepishly fawning over his belongings.

You headed back to the shower, shimmying out of your dress and draping it on the counter. You stepped inside and cranked the hot water on, feeling your semi-terrible day wash off of your body. The relaxing steam coiled around you as you slid your hands down your face. Everything feels so real… but how can it be? So many questions but so little answers.

After you had scrubbed yourself clean of the dirt and grime, you toweled your body and hair, pausing when your eyes met the neat pile of Ignis’ clothing. You couldn’t help but a feel a bit excited to wear the advisor’s attire. You carefully grabbed the first article, a navy long-sleeved shirt of the softest cotton material. You pulled it easily over your head, he truly was much larger than you as the v-neck collar dared to slip over your exposed shoulder. You reached for the next piece, a black pair of sleeping pants with a gathered tie along the waist. You slipped it on, Jesus he’s tall, as nearly a foot of pant leg drooped off your feet. It was amazingly comfortable, you gathered what pant material you could and lifted them up so that you wouldn’t trip as you sauntered through the camper. The blush returned to your face as the material rubbed tantalizingly over your bare skin. Alright brain keep it together!

You approached the bed and flopped down on to it as you curled up into a cozy ball. You were a bit hungry but your exhaustion was too great so you decided that sleep was more important. Who knows, maybe this was the most vivid dream you had ever experienced in your entire life. Maybe you needed a CAT scan as soon as you woke up. Part of you had hoped that when the morning comes you would wake to find yourself exactly where you were, laying on your couch in front of the tv.

But the other part of you had secretly hoped not. That maybe this was real… and maybe, somehow, you were here for a reason.

#ignis scientia #ignisscientia #ignis x reader #ignis scientia x reader #ffxv #final fantasy xv #final fantasy 15 #final fantasy xv fanfiction #reader insert

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rairun · 7 years ago

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Last Saturday @quietroomineedyounow and I watched It's Always Right Now, Until It's Later by Daniel Kitson. It was my third time - I was there when it was filmed in 2012 (you can spot @nymeth and me in the audience!), and then we saw it again a couple of years later when Kitson did a cinema tour. Now he's finally made it available for rental on Vimeo, and YOU SHOULD ALL SEE IT. [Spoilers ahead] It goes like this: Kitson stands alone on stage with light bulbs hanging all around him, as he narrates different moments in the lives of Caroline Carpenter and William Rivington. Each light bulb represents one of those moments. He starts from his death and her birth, and then alternates between them as he moves towards his birth and her death. I remember I had trouble following the story the first time around - the fact that I wasn't very familiar with his Yorkshire accent at the time didn't help, but the structure of the play doesn’t make it easy either. Whereas later shows like Tree and A Show for Christmas give you time to breathe - if you get distracted for a moment, you can easily regain your bearings - It's Always Right Now, Until It's Later can be pretty unforgiving. It's densely packed and fast-paced, and the moments Kitson tells us about are years apart: if you miss a few lines, you might end up having to make sense of a completely different scene, in a completely different place, often with completely different characters, with few visual cues to help you out. The performance is great; it’s just difficult to follow at times. A kinder way to put it is to say it rewards multiple viewings - and I do want to be kind here because the show displays so much generosity, and such an incredible openness of heart, not only towards its characters but all of us who are here in the business of living and breathing and dying and being forgotten. After we watched it, as she was walking me to the bus stop near her flat, Sophie said that Kitson was really good at picking up on and describing experiences we could all relate to, and I think she is right. He knows how to zoom in on those mundane experiences to show exactly why we still want to be here experiencing them. Or why sometimes we don't. Sometimes we are confused, and we fail to see how any of this is worth living at all. When he's nearly 40, Kitson tells us, William goes on a dinner date with a woman. In the middle of the date, William launches into such a misguided tirade about how it is all bullshit - the way they talk, and the way they exchange pleasantries and small talk, hiding all the ways that four decades of living on this planet have left them scarred, and scared, and hungry for connection, while repeating the same safe conversations they've had with countless other people. Kitson is great here because he exposes a sense of loneliness and frustration so many of us experience privately, but his way of telling it is really funny - and the joke is on how self-important it all can be. The joke is on the sense we are different and privy to some truth no one else can see, and he sets it up in a way that shows how men in particular tend to condescend even as they are trying to connect. Caroline too experiences similar feelings in her 30s, even though she has a husband and a little boy. The scene starts when she asks her husband to sit down, and she confesses she's had an affair. Now, I'm as tired of stereotypically straight relationships as anyone else - I'm tired of the repetition of dilemmas that don't have to be dilemmas at all, of all the love triangles, of the refusal to see alternatives to heteronormative modes of living. But even in a relatively traditional context, Kitson has a way of peeling these layers away and showing sentiments that are common to us all. Benjamin feels shattered, but "he takes her hand, he tells her that it's all right." And when she says that it's not all right, he asks her "what she wants him to do, to storm out, to smash things, to hit her, is that what she wants? What does she want him to say? That it's over? That he hates her? That she's ruined it?" And when she says of course not, he just asks her why. Caroline feels so guilty, but over the weeks and months and years, she finds herself telling her husband things about herself she never thought she would tell anyone. This is the type of connection that William wanted so desperately, and here we have Caroline experiencing it exactly when things go off track, when she allows herself to explore the feelings a wife and mother supposedly shouldn't have. And sure, maybe Benjamin could have had an easier time shaking off the feeling that it only happened because he was not loved enough. Maybe he could have seen love as something else entirely. Maybe Caroline never needed to have felt so guilty for so long. But despite all the useless suffering, and all the feelings of inadequacy and unworthiness he might have felt, Benjamin listens to her because he loves her, and deep down he knows that this openness is a rare and precious thing. One of my favorite parts of the show takes place a few years before that, when Caroline has her first baby, and she's tired, and the baby won't stop crying. As she tries to make her way to the hospital in the rain, she starts sobbing herself, and an older woman on the street looks at her and tells her that it's all normal, it's going to be all right, and it's all so simple and kind and profound at the same time. There are a couple of other moments in the show where a person tells another that whatever is happening is normal, and they are so full of compassion for people who can feel just as alone and scared and singled out as us. And these small pieces of kindness, these moments of human connection, are passed on and on in the most unlikely ways, in the most unexpected yet necessary situations. And then there's the scene where William is on the bus, holding a gift for his father (and he's been noticing for a while now that the gifts he gives are better than the ones he receives from him). Kitson does a wonderful bit of observational comedy here - and this is something that is lacking from all my descriptions so far, the sense of how funny he is all the time. He describes how annoyed William feels about a boy who keeps pressing the bell, and how William keeps hoping his mother will tell him off. But once she actually does, William starts rooting for the boy instead; and when she finally loses it and humiliates him in front of everyone, slapping his legs until they're red, it dawns on William that this is how she is teaching the boy to be a person. He realizes the ripples and consequences of this personal trauma, and of all the ones like it, connecting hurt and abuse over the span of years and generations, and suddenly he is aware that the gift sitting on his lap "is barely even adequate." Meanwhile, after Caroline goes to university, she develops a sense of displacement in relation to her home, like it is only a place that she visits now. Kitson talks about how your relationship with your parents changes over the years, how things aren't necessarily worse, but they are different, and at some level there's a sense of loss. The people who shaped so much of your personality, and the place where you learned how to be yourself, no longer occupy the same space as they once did in your life. It made me think of myself at twenty-seven, with my eyes wide open at 4am in a dark flat in Manchester, realizing for the first time that I would never again go down the stairs in the apartment where I grew up, long after my parents had gone to sleep, tiptoeing to my room and into bed, aware of all the city noises outside the window. I would never live somewhere where my parents ate dinner and watched TV and slept every night, while I went online and spoke to people from all of the world, and saw my life stretching out in front of me like a long road to who knows where. That night was when it hit me, and I was thousands of miles away, and I didn't know there was even a road leading anywhere anymore, but I was grateful that my parents had been kind to me and that I had become me. Another thing that I found very well done was how William's stories felt different because we already knew where his life was going. When we get to his late 20s, we find that he's friends with a really lovely couple who had just had a baby. And you feel happy but also sad, because the moment the three of them are sharing together is so sweet, but then it dawns on you that it's also so fleeting - the story of his life is moving backwards, so if his friends had never been mentioned before, that must mean they lost touch. This works really well because it's not heavy-handed: no one is there reminding you that it is going to be over soon, but you know. And finally, there is also a beautiful part towards the end that I found so moving. Caroline dies, but it isn't moving just because she is gone. We get a lovely scene that shows Benjamin doing something that she had wanted to do not too long before her death. And after they both die, that one action of his, so unassuming and so imbued with love, creates a ripple that outlives them. But no one has a freaking clue about it - not even the people who are there, seeing it with their own eyes and having their own significant moments, made possible only because of those two elderly people who no longer exist. This scene could have been really clichéd, but it isn't. It's so well written and delivered. It really makes you feel like you're part of something much bigger, with a deep joy and a deep sadness, with an awareness that our love for things and people is so meaningful and so insignificant at the same time.

#daniel kitson #it's always right now until it's later

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