#they are semi-local and also queer so i am happy to support them and looking forward to feedback from another fellow gay

[egscribe]

might be sending my story to an editor. I told them it was 400 pages then realized it was 429 after they gave me the quote for 400 so I've been spending the last few weeks making edits and cuts to get it down to 400. it is both almost physically painful and oddly satisfying.

[mrsmarymorstan]

My take on the "imagine" Disc Horse for ESC is that I can absolutely see why a Committee of EBU people would decide that a famous Anti-war song written by a Liverpudlian who was dragged through the press and later killed because he thought we should all be nice to one another, sung by a man of MENA decent, would be a good thing to perform at an event hosted on behalf of a country in the middle of a war.

I think that a lot of the original meaning behind the song has been lost, and I think objectively Hey Jude is a better song, but I can see why it would be selected as an opener.

I also can understand why folks did not like there being a section dedicated to songs by Liverpudlians, when it could have been Ukrainian Artists, but given that they were all sung by popular ESC acts I think the attempt was to celebrate EUROVISION as well. Also if you have a problem with "You Never Walk Alone" being sung to end it then I really encourage you to look up the Hillsborough Disaster and understand why the locals in the crowd were in floods of tears. Again, if I were a committee wondering how we could show Liverpool Supporting Ukraine, it would be top of my list.

I also disagree that it was "Blink And You Miss It" Ukrainian Representation when the opening acts of all 3 shows were Ukrainian Artists, as were half of the performances in the Semis: The others being a performance by the child of refugees, and one by Drag Queens. Drag Queens. On TERF island. The significance is not lost!

Equally, one of the hosts was Ukrainian and they consistently made sure to represent the Ukrainian Flag throughout with their fashion choices. This is a small thing, yes, but it did make sure that Ukraine was always at the front of people's minds even during the sillier moments.

And really at this point we need to acknowledge that if you decide to skip the semis you really are skipping 2/3 of the contest. Like I am sorry you did not see the celebration of Ukrainian Folk Songs but that's a you problem.

And whilst yes, I personally might have swapped Sam Ryder's performance with Alyosha's from the First Semi on the basis that it was just a BETTER more POIGNANT performance I am never gonna complain about seeing that many queer disabled people on my screen.

So yes. There you have it. My final "Hot Takes" that you are welcome to disagree with but I highly doubt you will be able to change my mind when I am coming at it with a different cultural perspective that is happy to see a Working Class, Immigrant City being so openly celebrated.

I also know that Liverpool has been painting itself Yellow and Blue, had all the volunteers trained in inclusivity, and gave out free lessons on inclusivity to all businesses who wanted them so even the local corner shop knew how to behave if a Non-Binary Ukrainian Lesbian wanted to buy a can of coke.

Which you might think "Well DUH you treat them like a normal person!" but yeah, there are some people who DO need to be taught that! And people actively wishing to change and do better is errrrr, yeah. Something to celebrate.

Again, you are welcome to disagree with me. But I am unlikely to change my mind on this one.

[indri-on-ao3]

When you get this you have to answer with 5 things you like about yourself, publicly. Then, send this ask to 10 of your favorite followers (non-negotiable, positivity is cool)❤️❤️❤️

This got long. TLDR: science, friends, helping, art, queer. I want to follow up with 5 things I don't like about myself, but that is against the spirit of the ask.

I’m a pretty good applied scientist. I have a reasonable grasp of the relative importance of things, but also an ability to focus on detail when it’s needed—the combination is a useful one. These days I’m more of a science facilitator. I talk with people who need science done, work out the critical and achievable questions, find researchers with the right skills and the funding bodies looking for projects, then persuade everyone to work together. It can take years of patience and frustration, but when it happens it’s fantastic. I love it.

I have a lot of friends, many of whom I’ve known a long time now, all of whom are superb people. This means a lot to me, as I had few friends at school. I was still wary when I started making friends at uni, uncertain as to whether they actually liked me or just found me useful or inoffensive. Eventually, the evidence that they liked me for myself became insurmountable and I had to accept it. What’s more, I keep making friends: there are many compatible and fascinating people out there and I keep finding them. But I’ve retained the core friends from my late teenage years; we’ve seen so much together and most of us are still close.

I’ve been able to help and mentor junior scientists since I became a bit more established. Sometimes I introduced them to a field they came to love. Other times, they faced serious—undeserved—difficulties and I could support them, like helping them find a new job. And once an excellent person had to leave science for the sake of her mental health, and all I could do was say that her life and happiness was worth more than whatever projects she was working on.

I’ve become a great supporter of amateur and semi-pro artists, especially local ones. I give substantial financial support to a studio for diverse visual artists. I regularly turn up and pay money at tiny cupboard venues to see comedians, musicians, cabaret artists, acrobats and drag queens. I go to art exhibition openings in cafés and the backs of sheds. I used to edit an amateur fiction magazine. Online, I give kudos to AO3 authors and reblog Tumblr commentary and art. All of these forms of self-expression are worthy and fascinating, if sometimes a little raw. Their value under capitalism is not an indicator of their artistic value. Wanting to make and share something is a fundamental human activity and I am here to be your audience, except when I’m busy making something myself.

I persevere in being queer. When I was a young adult, I was unable to find any support for bi+ people—my identity was invalid and my peers invisible (even when, as we later discovered, we had been standing right next to each other). Then I got into a long-term relationship with a lovely different-sex partner, and I thought my straight-passing privilege outweighed the heterosexism and biphobia. But it did not. I now know that bi+ people in straight-looking relationships have terrible statistics for mental health and life outcomes: we’re sometimes missing something vital. I found myself gravitating to hobbies and venues where the gender of my partner didn’t matter, for who wants to feel that their welcome is conditional? And now that times have changed a bit, I’m trying to be more visible and I’ve joined a committee to help others and I’m still working out what more to do. And yes, I joined Tumblr so I could obsessively reblog pictures of Loki and the Valkyrie and sometimes other bi+ pop culture characters because it comforts me somehow, I’m retroactively trying to tend the hapless teenager I once was. I always knew I was real, but it still shocks and shakes me when someone else acknowledges it. I scared but I’m still moving. 

[steponmepinkjun]

I NEVER FINISHED MY STORY OMG. ok so i left off at being too proud to tell my friend she was right and kpop fucked hard. the difference between u and me is that i’m too good of a liar. too good. i kept up the “i hate kpop it’s cringe” facade for ALMOST TWO WHOLE YEARS, I SHIT YOU NOT. why? bc my dumb ass, extra ass, dramatic ass self thought “ok if i’m gonna have to deal with the embarrassment of admitting i’m wrong, i better do it in such an extra ass way it��ll knock ur socks off so hard that YOULL be the one embarrassed not me.” the original plan was to learn the entire choreography to bts dope, bc it’s the song that she told me to listen to and inevitably the song that got me into them, but later switched to bts fire bc i saw too many of those “choreo matches w any song” videos, and then her birthday party came up. and here’s the real kicker. her birthday is April Motherfuckin Fools. so it would be So Perfect for me to reveal my kpopism as a birthday present And a april fools prank in one. so i was Set on the Reveal being on april 1st, but the day rolls around and god that choreo is so fucking hard and i am Not a dancer. never have been. so i abandon that and go ykno what… i’ll do it Next Year. BC MY BITCHASS WAS LIKE NO THE MOMENT IS TOO PERFECT TO DO IT ON A NORMAL ASS DAY ITS GONNA BE ON APRIL FOOLS ON HER GODDAMN BIRTHDAY OR NOT AT ALL. a year rolls by, i’ve told most of our friends except her and they’re all in on it, i’d made so many subtle kpop references to her without her realising they were fully intentional and had too many scares where she almost figured me out but i lied my way out of it, and i’d given up on showing off with choreography bc i couldn’t make that shit look good. i’m not a dancer. i am, however, a rapper, and a damn good one, so i inhaled the agust d mixtape and decided i’d just rap the eminem of kpop’s anthem at her face. in korean. and change the lyrics at the end (if u haven’t listened to agust d, the bridge repeats “i’m sorry” a lot) to “i’m sorry i kept this from u for so long” and “i’m sorry i actually ult got7 not bts” (this was like the april after skz debuted ok i was holding onto got7 for dear life knowing full well skz we’re going to convert me smh) and the best part? she never saw it coming. her official present was a cd with a bunch of kpop on it but she thought it was just a personalised mixtape for her so i told her to play the first song out loud and she knew the song Instantly. it has a long intro so she was like “i guess u did listen when i recommended u this song!! i knew you’d like it since u like rap so much!!” and then i started rapping and i shit u not. she started SCREAMING. like the initial reaction was her jaw dropping and then instinctively covering her mouth but when i kept going and she realised i wasn’t fucking around she just fucking screamed like a banshee. at the end during the sorry bit i threw off my jacket to reveal a got7 shirt on the inside and she fell off her chair and started rolling around on the floor. needless to say it was every bit as satisfying as i thought it’d be LMAOOOO afterwards her ass was like “I CANT BELIEVE U HID THIS FROM ME FOR OVER A YEAR” and when i tried to explain my ego couldn’t take the “i told u so” she was like “you know i wouldn’t have made fun of you for it right? i would just be glad you’re not hating on my boys anymore” so basically i’m a big dramatic fool and she was always too good for me.

don’t mind the weird spaces here my ipad is being all fucky wucky w me rn. damn sad to hear ur sideblog experience didn’t go so well, i’d have shown u the cool side of the fandom if i knew 😤😤 leading u thru the cursed halls of kpop stan tumblr like a sketchy tour guide that’s actually 3 small raccoons stacked on top of each other like a trench coat, like “over here we have the fanfic writers that honestly need to publish a book, over here we have the gif makers that are responsible for my entire camera roll, if we take a quick swerve past the death threat anons and the twt fanwar screenshots - mind ur feet bub the 14 year olds were tryna make a grab for ur ankles - ah here’s the holy grail of shitposts, you might be here for hours, to the right we have the weird aussie side of the fandom that projects our childhoods onto chanlix but also all the members as we decide what their life in australia would’ve been like, and down there is a secret trapdoor to the blogs w endless random headcanons that will make you laugh, cry or blush depending on if the author woke up and decided to choose violence today. enjoy your Stay!” but then again i’m not so active on tumblr anymore (ngl you’ve become the highlight of my tumblr experience these days, interaction wise,) so maybe all my Local Hotspots are inactive now. i know a bunch of them are, it’s sad. “i don’t fw stan twitter for the same reason i don’t hang out in meth dens” oop. guess i’m a meth addict. no but i get u i rly do, it’s a hellhole out there, but the fact that things get shared and spread a lot easier than on tumblr and how short most things have to be (therefor keeping up w my adhd attention span without having to resort to the mental torture that is tiktok, with the added bonus of not always needing headphones.) that i just. couldn’t leave if i tried. maybe i should try being active on tumblr again but it’s a dying site in comparison.

“their music doesn’t consistently hit for me as much as skz” i’m sorry we can’t be friends anymore. what. what. you don’t dramama ramama ramama hey? you don’t feel a little jealousyyyyyy, naega anin? you don’t shoot out, shoot out, shoot out, or aremdaeun love killa love killa? you can’t be your hero du du du du du du du du du dududu? u disappoint me. literally like everyone i know who likes skz music likes mx music like it’s a rite of Passage. they’re kindred spirits, monsta x music is like skz’s music’s cool but mildly heterosexual older brother. neither of them know what a bad song is it runs in the family. and both their music runs in my VEINS. whenever i describe my music taste they’re always the first two that come to mind, skz being my number 1 bc they are my best boys but mx bc of the Flavour. pls listen to the entire the code album then get back to me 😤🙌 ok but fr ur so right they are 7 of the finest men i ever seen (yes i say 7 bc i’m including wonho cause he deserved better and i’ll die on my ot7 bullshit.) like don’t get me started on them either LOL i LITERALLY downloaded that one insta video of changkyun working out his back n arm muscles w his tattoo showing bc i needed that shit saved for Science. they could do Anything w me like frfr. yes vixx is the bdsm contract group i’m telling ya they wildin. or at least they were. it’s been years since their last comeback idk what they’re doing anymore tbh. and yeah that makes sense, savouring the hyperfixation i feel it, but also i’m so attached to skz that i never let it die. like i hyperfixate on other things and other groups but i will Always go back to skz cause they’re my homeboys. hell, they’re my home. being a predebut stay i’ve spent more time w skz than most of my actual family members at this point. but that’s just me you do u boo xx just know that if ur anything like me ur never letting go once skz it’s been my longest lasting fixation cause they hit like Nothing Else Do. ik i’ve already said that but i cannot stress it enough. they’re really special. i’m gonna stop here before i get all sappy and emotional bc i really love those boys so fucking much and i don’t drop the L bomb often. SIDE NOTE I WOULD LIKE TO SEE UR LIST OF GROUPS RANKED BY THORSt. i need to judge ur Taste. and omg cat&dog is such a guilty pleasure song bc the lyrics make me cringe so much bc while pet play can be fun they be doing it in more of an “i’m an innocent soft dogboy uwu” kinda way that just Does Not Sit Right with me. it comes back to the objectifying of asians that asians themselves don’t help in industries like these and maybe i’m looking too far into it when rly it is just wholesome n cute or maybe they are into some pet play shit idk idc i will bop to the song regardless but i will not acknowledge the lyrics nope.

YOURE RIGHT THO SKZ’S OPENNESS IS IN FACT, A BIG DEAL, i’ll grab them for u if u want but i found these twt threads of skz supporting the lgbt community and i just felt a special kind of happiness man like sure the delusional part of me likes going “haha they’re gay” bc my brain likes to imagine them as my polycule of mlm boyfriends bc sometimes thats what gives me the serotonin to get me thru the day ok don’t judge but also bc it’s nice knowing that yes i’ll never know them personally, but at least i can support them knowing they’d respect my gender identity and my pronouns, they’d respect who i choose to love, and that’s already more than the general public can say so shit, it is special! it’s special that they don’t treat being cishet like the norm - they constantly remove gender from their songs and speech entirely, they don’t assume all stays are female anymore, we don’t talk abt the babygirls incident cause we got babystays in the end outta that ok, and it’s just. so refreshing and important to me bc i can’t get that anywhere else!! like my semi ults are the boyz and while i love them very much and there’s no way all 11 of them are straight i refuse, i do get just a little bit sad whenever they she/her their fandom by default and call them their girlfriends n shit even tho i do still identify as a girl, i’m also genderfluid/nonbinary/transmasc, and i have a very love/hate relationship w my womanhood and rarely use she/her pronouns, cause it’s like, do you not see me? see us? the ones who aren’t cishet women? i mean i know kevin does bc he congratulated a fan who came out as nb but it’s just not the same as the openness we get w skz. like how do i trust cishets i could be supporting them as a queer person when in reality they’d call me a slur. what would i know, behind the screen? so it’s so good that skz go the extra mile to make it a safe space for everyone. this is already long enough i will reply to the second half of that ask in another message… tomorrow cause it’s 1am and i’m tired gn -felix bi anon

I'mma have to start putting these under a readmore so that i don't absolutely make everything who is still following me for some reason go totally fucking insane 😂

NDJDHWJJAHFNAKBSJSBFBHHDBDNAJD YOU HAVE NO IDEA THE FACES I WAS MAKING READING THIS, I WAS FUCKING CACKLING AND GASPING EVERY OTHER SENTENCE SO HARD THAT I SCARED THE CATS NDJWHSHSB the fact that you went "oh you want me to get into kpop? Give me a hot minute, and I'll give you a whole ass private concert for free" biduehsjdbd biiiiiiiiiiitch you're a fucking ICON, I stg I could NEVER 😂 (and not just because I couldn't find a tune if you gave me a printed set of Google maps directions and that I embody the steriotype that white people can't dance, like my sister kept sensing me tiktoks of the whole "dance like a white girl" trend going lmfao look it's you and eventually I was like "sis please this trend has me feeling like being white is a disability and these mothafuckers are being ableist 😭 also I could NEVER be that on beat so yall ain't even doin it right 😭😭😭😭"). Tbh if I told one of my friends (lol what friends, i got jokes) to get into Skz and they showed up at my bday and performed the entirety of I Got It I would simply shower them in money and go "aight everyone else go home, you are no longer needed, you are being laid off, your position has been eliminated, we're downsizing, the company is moving up and you're moving out, you are not qualified for this role any longer, best of luck with future endeavors" 😊

I think part of the reason I can't deal w Twitter is the exact reason I refuse to leave tumblr, in that I've been on tumblr since 2006 and twt since 2008, and tumblr literally has not changed at all, not even a little, whereas going from the early days of twt where there were no corporate sponsorships or ads and you had to manually copy and paste someone's tweet and @ them to retweet it, to how it is now, like 90% ads and showing me shit from the timelines of people I don't even fuckin follow n whatnot, it's just not enjoyable. Idk how anyone finds anything on twt, it confuses and frustrates me because I am old and have not adapted well to technology changing 😂 But arguably, the skz fanbase doesn't want me on skztwt anyways so like it works for both of us lmfaooo. I am old and cringey, and also still think of twt as stream of consciousness whereas tumblr is your teenage bedroom where you can decorate the walls with anything that interests you. I do really love the nonsensical kpoptwt shitposts tho fhshsbdjjss like it is a very specific flavor of mental instability that I enjoy immensely 😂 OH and also I initially misread part of that and thought you were saying you actually irl do meth and I was like 😳 WHAT DO I SAY TO THAT. HOW DO I HANDLE THIS. Like how do I express like "I wasn't being judgy of people who use substances cause I've been there but I was just being insensitive 😳" And then went back and reread it and was like WHEW, IM JUST AN ILLITERATE FOOL 😂😂😂😂 ejeywhdhrhjwbfbdjshdhdhd I spent like an hour bwign like "IS THE REASON WE GET ALONG BECAUSE THEY'RE ON METH???? WHAT DO I DO WITH THIS INFORMATION??????" hrhehshe I am literally a fuckin idiot it's fine

It's not that I don't fw them, it's more like... Okay so like there is no situation in which I am going to skip a skz song if it comes on shuffle. You will not ever catch me NOT in the mood to listen to Sunshine, if God's Menu comes on we are THROWIN the meager amount of booty meat I got hither and thither, I could be in the happiest mood of my life but if Ex comes on I will stop to SOB. And I'm not like that with most music, so mx just falls into the category of "there is a time and place." Idk why but it just doesn't forcibly grab hold of my heart and ass the way skz always does. I really don't WANT my skz fixation to ever end, but I know that eventually it'll stop giving me dopamine bevause my brain is my worst fucking enemy 🙃 like my arcana fixation is to date the longest running hyperfixation I've ever had, going on almost three years, and I used to not be able to spend every single second of every day thinking about Asra, but now... I just feel nothing when I look at arcana stuff. As you can probz tell by the fact that I hardly post arcana anymore 😂 So I know that eventually all my happiness will end, it always does, I can never stay just as obsessed with something as I was for long. I CANT SHARE THE LIST BECAUSE I DONT *HAVE* TASTE YET 😭 I'm basically just compiling a list of any group someone tells me I should look into, ranked by how strong the kitty purred upon googling pics of them 😂 My mom read my ass to FILTH over txt lmfao she was like "they're not that adorable. Maybe your standard for adorableness has gone down with You Know Who still on hiatus 🤔" bfjwhdhd like MOMMAAAAA THE LIBRARY IS CLOSED 😂 she attacks me any time I even hint at stanning other groups, she is a skz purist and stans skz only, unofficial Momma Stay of All Stays keeping me in check lmfao.

I feel like skz really do follow thru on their promise that they're a safe space for stays, it's nice to see that they hold space for anyone and everyone in their fanbase and do it in a really simple and elegant way, I feel. Like they never make it seem like "okay here are the fans and here are the token weirdos that were only recognizing to make a buck off of them" the way a lot of artists make it feel like 😑 like they don't go out of their way to act like it's some revolutionary act to do the bare minimum of not shitting on certain parts of the fandom, if that makes sense. They feel very "yeah, of course we love all our stays, this is a welcoming space for literally anyone, that's how it should be, that should be normal," instead of like "Hi fans we love you 😊 and special shoutout to you ell gee bee tee folk, make sure to buy my rainbow merch after the show!!!" you know? Like, they're the friends who would never make you feel weird or different for some shit, the friends that take the attention off you if something they know ur sensitive about comes up, instead of weirdly snapping at whoever brought the unfomfy thing up which ruins the mood and makes you feel tiwce as bad, yk? They just give off this vibe that they, and the space they create with their music, is just a genuine and chill place to be and hang out and relax and bond. I feel like they'd be the friend group that is so goofy and sweet and silly and accepting and lovely and always makes you feel loved and excited to be alive 🥺 They are all good noodles 🥺🥺🥺

[somanddj]

My coming out story.

October 23, 2018 My name is Som. I am an artist in Minnesota and a graphic designer. I am one of four hosts on a podcast called The Anime Summit Podcast. I am one of the founders and members of The Vantablack Art Collective on Discord. In 2006 I fully came out as Bisexual, then later Pansexual. In 2017 I semi-came out, on certain parts of the internet, and to some friends and family, as a Transgender woman. This thing or essay or whatever I am about to type up is that story. I will reference some people but not name names. I am not ready to be 100% out but I have been telling more and more people lately and I feel as though I need to take this step to be closer to my Trans/Non Binary/Non Conforming family in this time of stress and fear.  This is not to say that those in the closet are less valid or deserving of less protection or anything less than those that are out, this is personally for me and only me and to those in the closet still, I hope reading this helps you too. I was assigned male at birth. My earliest memories of Gender dysphoria was seeing Selena on the TV and listening to her music. It was also seeing all of the beautiful women in the movies and anime I saw and watched as kid. In the end of Spring in 2017 I started thinking that I was Gender fluid, that I felt that some days I wanted to be masculine or a man and other days I wanted to be a woman.  The truth is is that throughout my youngest days I was feminine or femme presenting around certain people, and masculine presenting.  So thinking about that and being introduced to the local Queercore scene in 2017, I thought that’s what I was. A friend of mine who is also a transgender woman had a show with her Queercore band.  That’s when I was introduced to the band HIRS, a trans fronted hardcore queercore band.  This is the last epiphany like moment I had before I had the talk with my partner. Now in the end of Spring of 2017, I told my partner, a woman who is cisgender and identifies as queer. She told me that she loved me and asked if I wanted to talk about it more and what I wanted to do. I said “I don't know if I want to talk about it right now.” She replied with, “Then we don't have to talk about it now, we will talk about it when you are ready.”  .. She was so supportive and days later we talked about it. At this point I had to tell my podcast listeners on our Podcast’s Discord. I thought I am being listened to by hundreds of people every week and I need them to know because I wanted my host image to include that. So I told them, and I had all of their support. It took awhile to tell some more people but then I finally worked up enough courage to tell my friend (the one mentioned above who was in the queercore band and had the show with HIRS).  She freaked out and now I felt better. I recently, this past March, went to their last show as a band, again with HIRS.  In between this time I was also featured on the HIRS/Thou split record which was also amazing, and on my recording of my vocals, I told the lead singer of HIRS about my story. She was happy to see me at that show and gave me encouragement as well. Now I feel strong and I finally tell my parents after eating at one of our favorite Taco places. That conversation went well but I don't think they got the nature of what it meant. After that I told my brother and before them I told my cousin who I look at as my brother as well. To this day my family still doesn't grasp what it means for me. A few months ago I had the convo with just my mother again.. She kind of got it but still doesnt I dont think. I came out to my job, which is literally just me, my boss, and our sales admin.  My boss is a 65 something year old white guy and doesn’t understand. They still call me he and him and sir and it pisses me off. I had the convo with them again and told them that I am going to be more femme presenting at work and I want to be comfortable, to which my boss replied “You keep talking about you being comfortable but we all have to be.” As if being transgender somehow makes you fear for your safety or sexuality or something.  To this day I am still a man to them even though I go into work with make up and my leggings and womens tops. I even wear my black dress with my leggings and such. I haven't gone in with full makeup (just eye make up) yet. This is probably also a good time to mention that when I was presenting as a man, I wore black painted nails to work a few times and was told I couldnt by my boss. I came out to more of my Trans/NB acquaintances on the internet. I even got to help a friend of mine with their charity organization, C2C Carepackage Delivery. Please search them up on Insta and Facebook...I got to meet him and it was amazing. Meeting your internet friends is amazing just sayin. He is a Transgender man doing amazing things with this and you should try to help out if you can. Let's cut to now. October 20th, 2018. My 10 year High School Reunion.  A facebook group was created for this event (a group page not an event page).  The venue they were having it costed money so they decided to sell tickets. If enough tickets were sold then it would pay for it, but if not enough were sold then they couldn’t do it and would have to refund the people that had bought them. I had made it clear from the beginning that I wasn't going to go for obvious reasons.  Unfortunately they didn't sell enough tickets so what they did instead was hung out in the cafe/bar of the same venue, but it closed at 9 so then they moved to another bar.  At 9PM I got a call from a classmate and they had told me that everyone was looking for me. I told them that I did not want to go and that I was afraid.  I went to pick up my partner from work and asked her what I should do. My heart was telling me to go and my mind was telling me that I will never get another opportunity like this to come out to this many people at once, let alone all of the people I had as FB friend anyway.  I could do it in person and not on FB and it would be great.  But the rest of me was like NO WAY DON'T DO IT. I get another call from the same classmate and she said that she told people I might come and everyone was excited to see me. Now I was the nerdy goth kid in High School..My High School wasn't cliquey but there were a lot of friend groups/tribes.  I am what some people referred to as a Mod, someone who freely travels between groups and was friends with everyone. I obtained this by getting people to laugh with me and not at me when they made fun of me for whatever reason..I became likeable I guess. I don't talk about it much because it makes me sound egotistical as fuck. Either way, I am being begged to go. So I said fuck it and I put on my make up and my favorite red dress and I go. The overwhelming support was amazing and everyone hugged me and held me tight and said they loved me. Shout out to my partner for having my back on that one. So here we are now. I am semi out. Meaning I am out on Twitter, my Discord, my Instagram, a handful of friends on FB, my work, and my family; even though my work and family dont get it right now.. I wake up to the news a few days ago that the Trump admin sent this memo about some bull shit about defining Gender based on my genitals and physical biological make up. So now I write this. I write this to tell you all.. I am a transgender woman. I am not a man. I don't like to be called him, he, sir, Mr, or anything that refers to someone being a man or masculine presenting. I am a woman just like Selena, Cher, Lady Gaga, my mother, my partner, my aunt, and any of the other powerful cis-women in my family. I am and want to be respected as such. That is not asking for more treatment, that is asking to be respected how I want to be respected. You don't have to like me as a person, but you will respect who I am as a human, and that's a woman. You have to respect Trans men as men because they are just that, men. You have to respect Non binary people because that’s who they are, they are non binary and do not conform nor have a gender or land on the gender binary. If you are a cis man and I call you Mrs or Miss I am sure you would be like “I am a man though.” Well fuck my bad ok I won't call you that then. Literally the same thing. It's literally not hard nor takes any effort to refer to me and see me as a woman. I am not a political stance, I am not a political debate or a topic. I am a transgender person. A transgender woman. I exist. I will not be erased. My humanity will not be denied. I want what everyone wants. A chance to live my best life and work hard and achieve my dreams, just like anyone else. My name is Som. I am a human, an artist, a lover, a gamer, a nerd, a goth, a basketcase, a podcaster, a content creator, a fighting gamer, a painter, a mental illness survivor, a suicide attempt survivor. I am just like you.

[florafraser-blog]

OOC WEEK: this or that

RAPID FIRE:

Tea or coffee? tea. leaf juice over bean juice.

Stars or planets? planets. pluto is my girlfriend.

Sun or moon? moon. u can’t stare directly @ the sun, but u CAN stare directly @ the moon.

Black or white? black, like my Soul.

The zoo or the aquarium? aquarium!!!!!! lemme watch the fishes!!!!!!

Drama or comedy? drama drama drama drama

Thriller or adventure? thriller Always.

Short walks to the fridge or long walks on the beach? can i have a short walk on the beach?

Indoors or outdoors? both. both is nice, as long as there are no bugs in either environment.

Animals or plants? animals.

Time alone or time with others? listen, human beings exhaust me, but i also require constant attention.

Introvert or extrovert? introvert.

Silence or music? music.

Darkness or light? light, but like, only well lit light.

Cats or dogs? dogs.

Dancing or being the wallflower? dancing my lil toosh off.

Right or left? right.

Werewolves or vampires? i had a rly long ‘the vampire diaries’ phase ok. immortality fascinates me. vampires.

Dressing stylishly or dressing comfortably? as i’ve said to carlie before, my style is “cultivated messiness” aka i look like i put 0 effort in but in a cute way, but i actually put 0 effort in. so dressing comfy but in a stylish way!!!!!

Sunrise or sunset? sunset.

Lead or follow? a lil bit of both. sometimes, u gotta lead when nobody else is doing jack shit, but sometimes, u gotta keep ur mouth shut and follow so that other people are responsible for the Anarchy

Optimist or pessimist? lil bit of both. it’s hard 2 be optimistic when a tangerine is in charge of ur country.

Staying up late or waking up early? staying up late!

Speaking up or staying silent? speaking up always and forever.

White lies or brutal honesty? depends on what the situation calls for. as a rule, i like to be honest, but with the people i’m close with, sometimes that will do more harm than good, and sometimes, you just have to let people come to a conclusion on their own.

Ask for permission before doing the stupid thing or ask for forgiveness after doing the stupid thing? 100% ask for forgiveness after doing the stupid thing.

LONG FORM:

Pet peeves: ppl leaving the toilet seat up, ppl who walk slowly, ppl who eat tuna in public (that shit is STINKY), ppl who stand too close to u in line, ppl who don’t ask permission before they take something of urs or touch something of urs, ppl who sneeze into their hands

Bad habits: not eating enough fruits and vegetables or drinking enough water, spending too much $$ on useless crap, liking boys, not wearing my orthotics, not finishing my food, procrastinating on my work (GUESS WHAT I’M DOING RIGHT NOW), ignoring all of my problems in hopes that they’ll go away, not charging my devices.....ever....., never cleaning my glasses, undoing the hems on all of my clothes

Favourite scents (your amortentia!): peppermint, nail polish remover, freshly baked bread, lavender, dryer sheets, petrol

Favourite animal: ORCA!!!! WHALES!!!!!!

Favourite colour: green~

Favourite place to go (local or otherwise) (photos get bonus points): there’s a student run coffee shop on USC’s campus called “ground zero” and they have the best milkshakes known to man, but they also just in general have such good study vibes and writing vibes, so i spend like 98% of my time there.

Favourite meme: the evil kermit meme

Do you have any creative or artistic abilities? i goddamn hope so!!!!!!!! i would like to think i can write semi well, and that’s about it. i can’t draw or sing or paint, so writing is basically all i’ve got. i also feel like i have Some Aesthetic sensibilities, so i’d be somewhat ok at photography and cinematography, but i’m not actually that interested in the latter, just the former.

Talk about something that made you happy today, yesterday, this week: one of my best friends came w me to see the movie “lion” on monday. i’d already seen it, but i really wanted her to see it, and she got us FREE TICKETS at this beautiful theater in santa monica, and we went, and she loved it, and just seeing her enjoy this thing that i loved made me rly rly happy :’)

Talk about an experience that made you feel proud or confident: OK i bought overalls over christmas break, and let me tell u, i have never felt more confident than i feel in these overalls bc not only do i look Good, i look Gay, and today i put them on, and curled my hair, and i feel like the prettiest goddamn human being in existence :’)

Talk about something/someone that makes you feel relaxed: carlie!!!!!!!!!! this is gonna get sappy i’m trying 2 kill her when she wakes up!!!!!!! but talking to carlie alway makes me feel really calm and chill, even if we’re being super high key about something. and if something’s going Wrong, i know i can talk to her because she always has a Good Perspective that Soothes and Supports, and i love her very dearly :’))))))

Talk about something you’re yet to try for the first time but want to: this is dumb, but i’ve never done a face mask before??? i rly want to??? i want my Skin To Feel Soft And Nourished. i also want to dye my hair and become even more of an aesthetic hoe than i already am

Who are your role models and why: 1) david fincher, for just saying fuck u @ everything and doing whatever the hell he wants 2) viola davis, for her constant intelligence and perseverance and strength 3) shonda goddamn rhimes, for creating an empire 4) amy elliot dunne, for being a BAD ASS BITCH 5) peter paige, for continuing to bring nuanced queer stories to the screen, as an actor, as a writer, as a person 6) all of the friends in my life who are just.........amazing and complicated and driven and heartfelt who constantly give me a reason to want to be the best version of myself

Talk about something you want to do this year: i want to start flossing. flossing and i have never gotten along. but my dentist told me i was like THIS close to having perfect teeth, if only i flossed more, so i was like....u know what.....why not go the extra mile......this is my new year’s resolution, and it’s lame, but it’s Mine.