#they are sadboys

[kavehnanginto]

i was entirely wrong about you… part 2

synopsis: you realize your feelings after you brutally rejected and insulted him. regret soon followed you and you realized that it was too late, the feelings of love sprouted but you just had to ruin it. you never really thought of the fact that he was still so in-love with you, doing everything, for you to feel the same.

pairings: alhaitham, cyno x reader

more references to pride and prejudice, it also like has the same confession somewhat, only the ogs know all the references, ends like it without the cringe marriage stuff, kinda angst with a fluffy ending, character development for you and the ones you love, listen this might be more ooc unlike part one but if darcy can do it they can too, men being weak and begging is my favorite genre, a glimpse to the past yeheyyyy, lots of research references because i am so sick and tired of that shit idk why i didn’t procrastinate about it, but kinda procrastinated about this work, i got carried away writing Alhaitham’s, kinda longer than the other one

part one

ALHAITHAM

What you did might be considered brave to some and others. It had been exactly a week, some may calculate that to 7 days but you calculate it to be 168 hours of pure torture. At first, you thought such a hateful man would put nothing but hateful things in his letter, but you carefully analyzed everything about it.

That three-paragraphed letter had you on a chokehold.

It was unhealthy at this point.

All they were was just kind works, just for you. When you first met Alhaitham, it was not that of talking to a brick wall. But rather a machine designed to check out your faults and give you a solution. But your naive old self thought that just being with him was enough. Even just a few words to you, a penny of his thoughts towards you, and a little he sprinkled to your face were enough.

This is how you thought of years after. But that letter with handwriting you have never really seen associated with a sophisticated man such as him. It was filled with mistakes, crossing out some words and what not but he was smart enough never to let you see what he could’ve said.

And for him now, what he should’ve said. What he truly meant. The letter holds nothing but the truth, but not the whole truth. You didn’t need to know, because, for him, he felt, that he was the last man in the world you could hold a bond with.

And at first, that’s what you felt.

You were greeted by the loud scholars at the Akademiya. All the same, as it was before. But unlike now, you feel eyes on you. At this point, you don’t care. You need answers about what Alhaitham said, but once your pride got in the way of even being in the same room as him. Now you were just embarrassed…

You remember your early days with him in the Akademiya. He already had a big reputation from Haravatat that doubled over once he entered. You were no one. That’s why you grew to idolize a genius such as him. Ever since you were young you’re never considered. “scholar” material, adding some bit of kick to the logical ideologies of the time. You were not bright compared to your peers also, only catching up by studying more than they did. Doing more than you can.

Unlike you, Alhaitham never cared of what others thought of him. He just stood there and ended them with just a glance and when necessary hurting their ego. He was not one to be messed with. Everyone knew that. So in the end you never really knew why you were so worked up over nothing. He did make you improve your research. You regret what you said in the heat of the moment, looking back he actually helped you more than you thought.

Looking back at that letter, looking back at the years, and looking back at him. His pride this, his character that. But maybe it would’ve never come to that if you just thought from a different perspective. Maybe your advice to yourself back then was not to idolize him so much but to see him as who he is. A person. Who’s character is far different from yours. Who you should’ve appreciated rather than idealized.

With all that thought, you ended up at his office. No notice of how or why. You knew he was out today, but you missed it so you opened the door and went in. It was much more disorganized than before. Maybe you were one of the reasons, you think.

You furnished it yourself. Organizing the books the way he liked them. Dusting his vases and fluffing out his pillows. Removing every inch of dust. You remember the thought of doing this back then was for him to say thank you, which he never did, but you did remember him giving you a book saying he had no use for it. You loved the author, and so when your crush gave it to it felt like you were in the stars above.

It was probably a coincidence. Not until you saw the same book, so carefully annotated. You read it. How they both fell in love, the guy giving them a book in the library, saying how he did not need it. Next to it was a check and you saw another familiar scenario in your head. And another one. And another one. All are annotated with a check for it. Until you saw a part of the guy confessing his feelings and how they lived happily ever after. The last annotation in the book. But the same check you’ve seen before was not present.

Thinking back at everything you decided to steal the book. And when you decided to leave you saw the silhouette of another scholar. Unfamiliar you were to him, but he gave off a vibe that wants you to be intimidated.

He was 5’4.

“What are you doing in the room of the future grand sage?” You knew he already had accusations against you even if he didn’t know the entire story.

He already has his hand pointed at you. But that did not make you fold, because you don’t even know who this guy is. Who was he for you to care?

“I know you!” he realized. “Rumors have spread that the Acting Grand Sage professed his feelings towards you. Although I know that to be untrue, that master is one with high class not associate himself with the likes of you. But as a man of logic, I want to prove my hypothesis….

Are you in a relationship with the Acting Grand Sage?”

You never cared about how tense the environment became. “And if I did, I believe it does not concern you even the slightest.”

You sound cocky and that’s exactly what you were going for. He was livid to see your confidence.

“You dare to speak with me in such a manner.” He fumed. “Do you not know how unequal your standing is? How even in your wildest dreams, that is untrue. And even if he does have feelings for you, which I am sure not, you as an inferior and humble scholar know to not accept a hand of your utmost superior.”

Now you felt insulted.

“He is a scholar and so am I, what makes you believe we are not on equal footing? You are no one to decide what I should do and to speak for your master. A man free to tell he feels for me—“

“I'm tired of this! Let us stop this once and for all. Are you in a relationship with the Acting Grand Sage?” He spat so close to your mouth.

“If it pleases you to know I am not.”

“Well then, get out of this room.” An instant reply towards you. He was much more cheery now.

“Not yet.”

That day you went home with a book and a smile, while that stunted scholar complained to his “master” about something…

Night came and as you went out to the bar an unexpected guest come to your table.

“Water please,” he spoke with etiquette and good mannerly. He was given his order in a blink of an eye all the while looking at your eyes. You remember that wide gaze, but not one of defeat it was hope and chances.

“How’s your day, Haitham.” you smiled as you sipped your drink. It was nonalcoholic, but intoxicating glances were shared. It started a conversation, thank Kusanali.

You laughed at his actions and attempts at small talk.

“A scholar told me of his meeting with you,” it has been more than a minute, and his water is still untouched.

“And what about it?”

He was surprised to see your smiles that evening. Had you decided against him, you would never smile at him, never say those words. Maybe you knew something, or maybe you didn’t care for his presence. The scholar, whatever his name was, described your character using what he first described you himself in your first meeting. An obnoxious character, doing everything to garner his attention.

The worst part, it did.

Yes, he first thought that you were far behind many in terms of intelligence. But after each conversation, he shared with you. Every glance and every stare. It was already too late, to right his wrongs and then you left. You came back more mature, more distant than before. And he still actually thought there was a chance of you accepting his love.

Deep inside, he still thought you childish to think that. To actually think you will accept him, and love him back. He was a man unworthy of it.

“Did you lie about your words to him?” He spoke, he wanted to validate the data that the scholar told him. He wanted to know, so desperately, if even an ounce of your hatred towards him had started to decline. Even if your answer was a lie.

“And why would I, you know enough of my frankness to believe me incapable of doing such a thing.”

“Really?” A faint smile can be seen at his face. One that you never saw plastered in such a man.

“If I had no scruple to insult the Acting Grand Sage so abominably to his face, I find it an easy task to also do it to his subordinates.” You laughed, as he did. It was one of fondness, the way he looked, the he talked and now the way he laughed at you.

“And what did you say that I did not deserve, or was untrue?” He finally drank his fill. “You were right in every sense of my character. I did treat you in an unworthy manner, a manner in which I would not be so surprised for you to ever forgive.”

“I believe so too. But I have came to learn that I judged so poorly, once judged you too good. I never really thought you were a person and I have so many times in my mind thought you devoided of every proper feeling. I was wrong. I was entirely wrong—“

He sighed of displeasure of your reply.

“Enough of your guilt, an emotion not expected for you to have on me. If you still despise me, I will disappear and I will be sure to let you never see me again. Because I still love you, you might have changed your opinion of me but I assure you, even if you’ll hate me more of it. I will never change.” He started. “But if you would rather have someone less aloof, someone more comforting then maybe changing myself never seemed so possible except now.”

The bar was loud. Filled with laughter of the other tables, but it still felt like the moment stopped. All irrelevant joys they felt were completely inferior to the one that you felt.

“I was raised with good morals, but pride followed when I was swarmed with compliments and achievements. My character would have been narcissistic and emotionless, if not for you. Dearest and loveliest of them all.” His hand reached out to you and you held his hand as tightly and quickly as you could. “Even if you don’t love me now, even if you never will. This act of kindness you showed me will be one that I shall never forget.”

You both were out in the open outside. Rain poured once more in the deep night. You were ready to say what you truly feel. But instead… you leaned closer and now on the tip of your toes, left hand on the back of his head. You kissed him. No words of love could ever match up to how it felt.

Both your clothes were soaking wet with the cold rain. But never have both of you felt so warm, basking in each other’s comfort.

CYNO

You were out in the ruins to further investigate. You are very much capable of going solo, but looking back it could’ve been the two of you. So you decided to have Tighnari come along as he suggested. All this time you never knew how he felt. He never said. But all this time he had feelings for you. And no matter how much you doubt this, nor thought of it blasphemous. If you knew one thing about Cyno, it was that he never lied.

His letter still in your pocket was one of the things you brought to the ruins. And it went more smoothly than usual, the traps were easily deconstructed, and it seemed good luck. It has been five days since that happen, instead of thinking about your research you thought about him.

He was still horrible to you. It was no excuse. But he did like you, for a long time. And you said nothing,

Just like he did.

And you did nothing.

But, so did he.

So you can’t blame yourself. You shouldn’t blame yourself. But deep inside, you knew you had a fault, and wanting to be the bigger person you wanted to give an apology. But he was nowhere to be found, you missed another pair of hands. It was much easier with him around. Well, keeping tabs on whether your knowledge is valid and correct is the Matra’s job. So you were ecstatic to know they agreed to help you, you just weren’t informed he was the General Mahamatra.

It did not help how kind he was to you. How he wasn’t like before. How he forgot the past, but you never did. But now you felt silly. Maybe in some way, you did have new friends, but you would have still liked him there too. Perhaps, he thought himself replaced but that couldn’t have been further from the truth. The happy moments of your life were with him.

Childhood truly felt like a dream.

“You’re deep in thought,” Tighnari mentioned. “This ruin feels like it had already been in the hands of others before ourselves. A good thing in our hands, as it is much safer to roam around and see what is left behind.”

“A lot stayed really,” you replied. “This has been so smooth sailing and I’m starting to get suspicious.”

Tighnari chuckled. And you both finally validated the controversial research, which from the start you and Cyno knew to be true. But you knew that it would take more evidence than this. The Grand Sage personally had not so kind words to say about it, and so you knew to work harder. The research was one of the dreams, how Sumeru can dream but there is a blockage or a reason as to why. The whole Akademiya despised it and sent the researcher to Aaru village.

This ruin tells the history of Sumeru and the past. How they were much more than logical minds and realistic futures. How Sumeru could dream, and thinking can only take us so far.

So after a few weeks, you finally published your research, and the whole Akademiya went mad. And you still slipped in Cyno’s name. They were scandalized by the publication and many choices for you to be sent to Aaru village next. But at this point, you never really cared. You just realized so much. Thought about so much.

You remember fondly about childhood and thought of your dreams way back. Of the best times in your life, and how much he was there. And then the angst of puberty came along. You were a wild party animal, while for some reason maintaining high grades. Although you weren’t comparable to him, you never thought him capable of him thinking what you thought of him.

How he can’t reach you…

How much he liked you…

How he didn’t deserve you…

The letter with his voice all in your mind. The scholars below are just questioning your rationality, all the supporting members of your research you destroyed.

So that only one has to suffer… It’s fine, maybe lowering your pride was the best thing you could have ever done to him. After so many years of only looking at what Cyno lacked, you thought about what he gave you, and what he had to suffer. Maybe it was just you being selfish. Maybe his affections have changed now that everyone gossips about you.

The thought prisoned your mind all night, it was much more than losing everything now. And as you stare out to the warm gaze of the sun, melancholically standing in a chair, waiting for some scholars to force you to your destiny. Regret only filled your mind. Maybe even he thought you were mad. But the scholars never came, and no investigation ever took play.

You went to your workplace, and your peers greeted you all the same. It was as if nothing happened. It felt like a breeze, you wanted to know how, but were still afraid to ask for maybe they remember and it will all repeat. It felt like a dream, it felt like a sigh of relief. And when you all went and dined you never smiled like that before. You need to visit the Dendro Archon herself and thank her.

“Hello, it seems you’re in a good mood.” Tighnari observed and you nodded.

“Well I could’ve been in Aaru village out there in the wilderness or whatnot, but considering here I am freely sipping my wine. I think it’s only right to be a little happy.” He nodded, agreeing with your statement.

He joined in after a few minutes and you begin a lighthearted conversation.

“Well everyday I think I will visit a Statue of the Seven,” you mused. “I have a lot to thank the Gods for.”

You sipped a wine as he took the bottled and filled his glass.

“Well not only that, if the Matras themselves approved of your research you could’ve gone poof any time.” You flinched at his statement. Not at the thought of what could’ve happened to you. No your selective mutism didn’t even hear that, but the fact that the Matras did that.

Even after your meeting with Tighnari, getting ready to go to bed, and having trouble sleeping. It was all that filled your mind. You knew that the Matras never really cared about your research, and how much they tell you that they’re only doing this since the General Mahamatra was so curious about it himself.

You wanted to see him… so many new thoughts have formed and you thought it was too late. He probably took pity on you, or thought of the research as truth like you did and so wanted very much to preserve its contents.

Yeah. Maybe.

All lights were nowhere to be found. Except out in your window where the night sky can be so vividly seen. You knew what you had to do tomorrow, and that was to finally confront your feelings. Your thoughts leading up to this moment. Him.

Cyno.

And with that, you finally slept, and there came a new morning. Getting ready and leaving was always easier when you had an important objective. But the cold always gave you chills more than it should. You then asked all the Matras in town about his presence, and no one gave you any positive answers. Proportionally, 73% told you that they have not seen him and 12% told you that they did see him earlier and 15% straight up ignored your question and left. Fine.

As you were waking mindlessly in the desert you were ambushed by a group of Eremites. Even if you don’t have weapons, it didn’t matter as you defeat one by one with ease. At least that’s what you thought, your stamina was running out but they were not and so in the heat of the moment, you were about to let them in.

Not until…

You once saw again, after all this time, the purple glow of a spear that filled you with nostalgia. You saw it glow at every single one of the Eremites until they all were like dominoes, falling one by one. He had his back turned against you trying to rest until his breath was stable.

“I heard you were looking for me?” The gust of wind flew the same way my rationality let go when I saw him once more.

“Yes, thats correct.” You gave a swift reply.

He then went to you and helped you get up and after that tried to keep his distance.

“First, I wanna say thank you,” you fixed your posture and he was avoiding to look at your eyes. It was fine. “I know how hard it was to persuade the other Matras. Thank you on behalf of the research I wrote and the many people that will finally think about this dubious system.”

A frown formed his face. He inched a closer towards you, maybe thinking he heard wrong.

“So thank you.”

“If you thank me, let it be for yourself alone. Although I do everything for the safety and advancement of my dear country, I believe I thought only of you. In these past few days and weeks.” He replied, as he finally looks you in the eye. “You are too generous to go and waste your time to thank me, so keep your gratitude to yourself. You were brave for publishing it.”

You hugged him. “I’d rather not. Another thing is my sincerest apology. You were not distant, nor mean, nor prideful. I was entirely wrong about you. Don’t tell me that this sorry should not have been said because this is what my heart wanted to say ever since that letter. I have judged you but never myself. I’m sorry for putting my blame on you.”

“I deserve it. Every word you said that day was true. In my imagination, I only thought of your forgiving me but I would never expect that it was you who wanted to apologize. I understand where you’re coming from, but… if your feeling were what they were that day tell me so at once. But if you feel more than just a negative thought and judgment towards me, tell me so at once. My affections and wishes are unchanged, but what you feel and what you tell me will not change what I feel but change how I’ll act.”

You both were closer than you have ever been in that hug. His face, you need not know, was full of hope.

“I’m ashamed to think of what I said there. Don’t you dare repeat it!” You finally broke the hug to look into his eyes. “And about my feelings, they are no longer that of despise and prejudice, rather they are quite the opposite.”

He smiled, the first one you saw in a long time. If the people of Sumeru saw him as he is at this moment, no one would even think of him to be intimidating. He was just like every other man, holding the person he loves and relaxing in their presence. He knew his feelings outshined that of yours, but maybe someday the sentiment will be shared.

“I love you Cyno.”

But this will do, he had no complaints when he was finally home in your arms.

That was kinda long and i hoped you enjoyed it. @nagisuterus @sumiriexo theres your tag sorry im kinda late on this one my bad. I was shocked that the first one was actually like lol thanks so much @sadbutwhy is just me pls 😢 im dumb enough to post on side blogs

[zfedraws]

Oh Tara, we’re really in it now….

[awanderingtortoise]

love the bene gesserit. they're out there girlboss gatekeep gaslighting for 90 generations, perfectly and meticulously masterminding every political player of the universe into sexy times to create the Ultimate Manwhore and after ALL OF THAT. ALLLL OF THAT?

Dune timeline hits. we're here! we've done it! Our two greatest prospects!! Kwisatz Haderach! At last! And it's just fucking Kinky and Twinky over here like oh ok nice going I guess

[slutever]

[baddiesource]

@sadboi

[lovelylonelymoonlight]

I love sadboy Tim ! HOWEVER

my boy was coughing up blood after getting his ass kicked and when Jason asked him if he still thought he was better than Jason he said YES

[alone-in-the-suburbs]

[tann-mono]

Un amor tan intenso como el mío

[petorahs]

[poetalone11]

Casi nadie habla de lo frustrante que es tener una recaída emocional después de un largo tiempo donde creías que ya todo iba a estar bien.

[d4rkseid]

forever icon

[2hard2find2]

[brothelinbelize]

bring this back

[captainfrauncis]

I love Edward Little so much, bc on a crew that includes ppl dying from frostbite, lead poisoning, scurvy and mutant bear, a crew that includes ppl going through alcohol withdrawal and ppl having to watch friends, lovers and relatives die, a crew where a guy literally immolated himself and where ppl regularly get toes or limbs amputated, somehow HE is always having the worst day of them all.

[justgivemethefuckinvalium]

[baddiesource]

@sadboi