#they are literally the only reason im still sane i think

[phlox238]

my dogys <3

[pleasedontcareaboutme]

I don't care when people don't include me in stuff, I'm used to it but-----

my own family going on a trip w/o even asking me kinda felt

shit 🫠

[amarayys]

DRDT CHP 2 EPISODE 12 SPOILERS!!

OKAY so according to a tweet from DRDTdev apparantly the whole fandom misinterpreted David's words and he actually doesn't remember Xander from before?? which like...it's kind of funny lmao. this means that David is just trying to kill everyone for a person he heard of online and then was friends with for like. a few days. which is really funny to me. .... .... ..... BUT YOU KNOW WHO DOES REMEMBER SOMETHING??????? teruko (I love you teruko but you're so stupidly suspicious). maybe she isn't aware of it, maybe she is, but THIS LINE.

Which, weird enough. But then VERONIKA says

Okay, even weirder. before we begin: 1. i suck at theories. 2. i suck at formatting, too. 3. this was made at like 1 am. so dont count on some points here being particulary sane. 4. Points that are started with "-" are just extra inputs that aren't too relevant, but I thought i should bring up anyway. So. Veronika, of all people, doesn't know about a killing game that happened in the past. You could argue: "But Amari, what if the killing game was covered up/erased from history?" Hm.. maybe, but this has some holes. A past killing game is a weird thing to *not* know about. If Teruko's talking about THH, that was broadcasted (worldwide, I think... but I can't remember. Even if it was only brodcasted in Japan, you'd think the news would spread, especially with the internet.) , you'd think most people, ESPECIALLY Veronika would know about it. We know from Min's bonus episode that students were taught about the tragedy, and someone like Veronika definitely wouldn't forget about a killing game that happened during it easily. If it was another killing game not related to the main dr games (ill explain this more later, I swear) , I'd still imagine people would know about it. I'm going to take a complete guess here and say it's not too unlikely that if a past killing game happened, it was broadcast similar to our current one. Same argument as before, people would know about it. If it wasn't broadcast, I still don't think it would be very easy to cover up a killing game. Remember - Veronika is the Ultimate Horror Fanatic. She is quite literally *THE BEST* at researching and knowing about this stuff. If Veronika doesn't know about it, Teruko, who kind of lives under a rock, (me too , me too.) being the only one as far as we know to remember it is WEIRD. Also, before someone says "what about memory erasure?" that answers Veronika, but why does Teruko know about it? - However, if it was covered up, I think it's quite likely the company who Min mentions in her bonus episode has something to do with it. Why? Cause introducing too many companies and sht would be confusing. Not very strudy arguement, I know, but I have a feeling the company is more connected to this than we think. Teruko knows about a past killing game. Which killing game is Teruko referencing? Is she referencing THH, or something completely separate? Like... a past killing game she was in? Okay, I'm reaching, but hear me out, okay? It's sort of maybe kind of implied that Teruko was in a past killing game.

This line is said by the guy at the start of the prologue (WHICH IM LIKE 90% SURE IS XANDER BUT THAT'S UNRELATED TO THIS.) , after they claim they have to end a killing game. Why do we need to kill sweet, amazing, perfect Teruko? Well, here are some ideas. 1. Teruko is responsible for the past killing game, or is at least the reason it's happening. Not necessarily the mastermind of it, more similar to the theory where the killing game was made to contain Teruko's bad luck (context because yeah). Not necessarily her fault, but she is the reason for it. I'd like to point out that this matches up scarily well with what basically the whole fandom agrees is Teruko's secret.

(How could I even select what secret to be your motive? Just about everything you've done in your life is worth killing for. The killing game is all your fault.) ...oh my. What if the killing game referred to in the secret isn't the current one? To be fair, all the above does match up with if this secret was referring to the current killing game, but I still think it's viable. 2. Teruko did something to someone and that someone wants revenge. What is "something"? Well, it could be again that the killing game is her fault, but probably not. "someone" could be PROLOUGE GUY AGAIN. I have this really weird theory that Teruko is the one who attacked prolouge guy with the fork (aka xander check out this post for clarification) - Technically, David could also be the one wanting revenge, as he also tried to kill Teruko (indirectly, through failing the trial) , but then Xander stabbing Teruko makes no sense. Xander writes future himself a note (the one saying "Kill Teruko Tawaki, again, whole other theory i can talk more on if you want) explaining the attack, and telling him to kill Teruko, as he thinks she is the mastermind or just an unsafe person (which, fair??) - And if we really want to start reaching, Xander is the mastermind and made the killing game in an attempt to kill Teruko. But like... is the killing game necessary? Why not just kill her regularly? Her luck preventing her death, maybe? This entire point is based on theories, though. So probably not lmao. I want to say point 2 but I think realistically I've gotta go with point 1. There's actually some evidence supporting it, unlike point 2. For Veronika's memory, the memory erasure does actually work here. MonoTV probably wanted interesting shit to happen, or it couldn't erase that part of Teruko's memory without her noticing a large gap in her memories and getting suspiscious. Now, let me get some stuff cleared up. I don't think Teruko remembers actually being in a killing game before present time, just that there was one. She brushes her memory off as just not paying attention in history when Veronika denies a killing game happening before this one (though she does hesitate when Veronika points this out - which is VERY weird) so she probably has *some* fuzzy memories regarding the past killing game.

- If my theory of her attacking prologue guy is correct, I don't think she remembers doing it. As i've mentioned way too many times, I think prologue guy is Xander, and she didn't seem wary whatsoever when she first met Xander, which you think she would be if she knew him, let alone attacked him. SUMMARY: 1. Teruko and Xander were in a past killing game together. At some point, Teruko attacks Xander's eye, although we aren't sure why. Xander realises that she's to blame for the killing game, and writes a note to himself, telling him to get rid of Teruko, and then he passes out. 2. Teruko and Xander meet in our current killing game. Teruko doesn't recognise Xander (or she at least doesn't have time to dwell on the faint memories she does have on him before he passes out), and stays around him for a lot of the killing game. Xander's memory was probably erased, but I'm not sure whether he had the note yet or not. 3. Xander goes stabbity stab stab on Teruko, due to the note. he panics, questioning why he made himself stab her. Teruko might have gotten a flash of memories (you know, the saying my life flashed before my eyes when something life threatening happens??), causing her to tell Xander that his plan wont work because she cant die. 4. (this point is straight flavour text) After Teruko wakes up, she might've remembered a bit more about the killing game, although still not the whole story. (playing into why she was so much more distrustful) Maybe she remembered knowing Xander at some point? Nothing too important regarding Teruko's memory happens after this. this summary really sucks, please dont take this too seriously. just some points to keep in mind.

Anddd yeah. That's it. This has so many holes but it's 1 am, I'm tired and cant be bothered to fix them lmao. Just thought I should give my input. I might edit over this tomorrow, who knows.

[sjmgirlie]

You will never be able to convince me that ACOSF was a good book. Let me explain.

1) It was a literal homicide for all the characters. Every. Single. One. I’m not sure if it’s because it’s from Nesta’s pov or what, but seriously, every single character basically became unlikeable? Rhys? Feyre (to an extent)? Cassian? Mor? Amren? Did Nesta really get much better?? Like no one was really likeable. Maybe Az being the only sane one. Elain showed some teeth which I liked but it still wasn’t the best.

2) Where was the plot? You’re telling me she only found troves and then killed one mortal/made queen? Before you argue, the fact we find out about Nesta’s literal powers in another series says a lot. Why didn’t we find out Nesta had silver flame power (WHICH IS THE NAME OF THE BOOK) in said book??????? Make it make sense. This book didn’t move the plot at all. Other than having the troves now. And killing the one crazy queen. The amount of times we were on the stairs was not needed. Nesta is a massive part of this universe, and yes, she can wield the troves. But everyone who is made can. So like what else could she have done? Something more im sure. I mean that’s why I think she was in HOFAS in the first place. To “conquer” the prison, get gwydion as her return of service, and show her powers. I get that the whole starborn thing needed to happen in HOFAS with Bryce but honestly Nesta needed more. And that’s another reason why people think she’s going to get another book, because what even happened in her book????

3) Nessian. Now here me out. Do we like smut? Yes. Do we like it when there’s actual romance involved? Yes. Did we truly get that? No. It’s been a while since I read this book because I just have no desire for a re-read. I’m sorry. But going from “my only regret in this life is that we did not have time. That I did not have time with you Nesta. I will find you in the next life” (ya I basically memorized it because I was kicking my feet at him saying that) to “I didn’t ask to be shackled to you either” after Nesta, a human turned fae, didn’t care about being called a mate? Like? Absolute homicide to Cassian’s character. Was the hike nice? No. Did he say nice things after she passed out? Yes. But like? I just think they deserved a better romance. And I just literally didn’t even know who I was reading when Cassian was involved. The guy that would crack jokes and just was loving? All of a sudden a mean person? To Nesta too? Like idk. It rubbed me the wrong way. They deserved better. The fact people actually want Eris and Nesta means it CLEARLY did not stick. Which means it was not convincing. No one says this about Feysand. They could have been FIREWORKS. But at times it genuinely didn’t feel like Cassian even liked her??? Where was the golden retriever energy? It was like the guy was on steroids the whole time and just blowing a fuse constantly. That was NOT the Cassian I remembered from ACOWAR. I mean idk maybe it was the fact the reluctant mate trope was just too difficult? The fact it started physically wasn’t my favourite either. Then it was so focused on that that it was like okay were are those romantic moments. “You’re not going to marry Eris” “no” “we will have no others” like that was romantic. Then the shackle thing literally happened the next day. Wtf.

4) Did I relate to Nesta’s issues and healing journey? A bit. But I just found it aggravating at times. I felt there was huge potential to dive into what it is to be the oldest sister. More into alot of things tbh. Her holding the line on Ramiel was a great moment, because she could finally protect people she cared about, but I wish that would have been implied more? Her journey seemed like a huge self insert and idk. It wasn’t as amazing as it could have been.

5) Nesta’s redemption? I don’t even like that word. I wanted people to begin to UNDERSTAND Nesta more. Not just be thankful she saved Feyre/Rhys/Nyx. Like a genuine understanding. Does Cassian? Ya I guess. Elain? It’s said she knew everything Nesta did and why. So yes she did. Az? Ya. He was literally the only one who wasn’t an asshole to her at any point lol. And I wouldn’t consider Elain and asshole to her either because she did just stand up for herself finally. Like imagine the comments you’d hear having Nesta as a sister (for real). But did anyone leave understanding Nesta, understanding why she was snarky and rude? No. Idk if that’s the point to create a divide or what. But seriously. I get Nesta to some degree now. Why did the characters not.

6) Nesta gaining friends was nice and I see why people cling to the Valkyrie. That was literally probably the best part of the book. And that’s saying something about the way the romantic pair was executed might I add. We weren’t obsessed with Feyre and Mor and Amren being friends. We were obsessed with Feysand. But the most you hear from ACOSF is about the Valkyrie.

7) Again. I never truly hated Nesta, but I didn’t necessarily love her after this either. I understood the character more, I saw her own dark thoughts, I saw how she felt, and I understood. But was she my favourite? No. I think her appearance in HOFAS, other than showing her powers (????), was to make Nesta more likeable. Because a lot of people still don’t like her. Like I said, I am PRO ARCHERON FOREVER, but I wanted more for Nesta. I wanted a lot for the girl.

8) The dreaded bonus chapter. I’ve said my opinion on this multiple times. Idk. It’s just hate for Elain that drives it tbh. It’s literally a copy and paste of the Nessian one from ACOMAF basically that if you put it in a plagiarism generator it would probably not pass. YET, it has literally desecrated the fandom. Completely. You literally can’t go anywhere without some ship war happening. And ya, I feed into it too being super pro Elriel because I love them. But damn. Imagine if this energy was put into, idk, theories of the plot? We would have figured out the Maas universe by now tbh. I wish it didn’t exist everyday. And to a lot of people it doesn’t, and I envy them. Life was simpler before the “did you read the bonus chapter” fiasco. And tbh I’m pretty sad that SJM hasn’t said a word about it. Or her publisher because it gets way out of line way too often. The actual love triangle has always been set up as Lucien/Elain/Az, and somehow we left the BC with a square??? Idek.

Overall, it just did not do Nesta or Cassian justice in my mind. It created way too many head canons, it made Cassian unlikeable in a lot of ways (why are you calling Mor beautiful?) and it just seriously destroyed a lot of characters.

I’m really hoping in Elain’s book we, idk, make amends finally? If I have to see another toe to toe battle between Nesta and Rhys I’m going to be sick. They are both right in ways, but I just can’t take it anymore. And this is what I mean about Nesta’s story not being one of UNDERSTANDING. Which is what she NEEDED. TO BE UNDERSTOOD. The rudeness, snarky comments, death glares etc just needed to be understood man.

[halucynator]

END OF 2023

sorry to anyone who didn't want to be tagged xx

hi! most of you will know me as lucy (unless you're @m3ntallyunstable34 and know my real name lol)

so yes, i am lucy. and this is me reflecting on 2023 on tumblr because it seems like a logical thing to do considering this year sucked like 20% less (one of us is lying reference) because of all my amazing online friends. so yes i guess in a way this is a mutual appreciation post 🫶

@berryzxx you wouldn't believe me when i tell you you were the first mutual i didn't have to be all professional and got to be a crazy bitch with lmao so thank you for not judging me and talking to me like we're besties (we totally are btw bc i said so) mwahh

@longlivestv the loml literally owe my life to you bee 🫶🫶 you are one of the main reasons i'm friends with all of the people i will mention after, so tysm and thank you for being so sweet to me and i love flirting with you /hj ilysm 💗 also if im too young to fall in love why do you keep running through my brain? 😍😍

@loserdiaz one of the very few people i get to openly talk to and not feel weird doing it akshdasjhd ilysm april <33 and youre one of the only people i will ever admit has better pick up lines than me (thats a huge honour btw) so thank you for keeping up with me and flirting with me it makes me feel very special mwahhh and ily and we should totally snuggle by the fireplace you know i made those cookies you like (sab reference) 😍🫶

@weeping-in-the-willows thank you for being the absolute SWEETEST person to me <3 ilysm and btw you were my first discord friend and i'm so honoured about that ajshdnjfe you're so nice and ily and i hope you get everything you want

@theladyinwhite13 thank you for appreciating my unhinged comments and you're one of the few people who deserve to be told that they are funnier than me (i rarely ever give anyone this honour btw so its very special) and i think you might appreciate this reference 'so what if i just wanna be a little out of my mind'

@bodybetters and @its-tortle karo and tortle my beloved <3 ilysm you're like two of the BEST mutuals ever and i was so honoured happy excited (any other positive adjective) when i realised you followed ME back?!? i was literally so ajshdnjfe i can't even put it in words you're like my favourite people on this hellsite (affectionate)

@suugarbabe ajdhhgajsgf my pookie <33 you always stand up for me and ilysm for it youre the nicest to me what did i ever do to deserve you 😭❤️

@patrophthia omg the absolute sweetestt!! youre an angel and ilysm and i hope you have the best life every <33 ilysm thank you for being so nice to me and making me feel valued asjdhajksd i love youu

@theautistmwitch omg idk how youre still sane after hearing to my traumatising jokes 😭 ilysm mwahh❤️thank you for being so sweet to meee it makes me so happy <333 can't wait to traumatise- uh i mean make you laugh even more next year!

@kurtcobainsgreencardigan ajkshdad i had the time of my life 'bullying' [insert their name] (i dont wanna get cancelled yk just in case people actually like them) with you <33 [i mean you technically didn't 'bully' them but we bonded over that] you're so funny and sweet and ily<3

@catastrxblues nadine the loml <33 i LOVED chatting with you and ranting to you and reading your answers to my asks akgdskg im so glad to have you as a mutual and i would love to have some more ranting convos with you in the future haha asdhjhajsh ilysm mwahh <3

@nyctophile-me omg you're so sweet to meee 😭😭😭 ily you're like one of my favourite wives too you're one of the only people i will ever share sab with mwah ❤️❤️ id love to talk to you more next year <3

@magicandmaybe @andi-is-bored @alltheliars and @animallover4000 omg you're all so sweet and ily and we didn't really interact a lot this year but i loved chatting with you on discord 💕

@imperpetuallylost omg ilyy you're so unintentionally (or intentionally?) funny ahsjdnfne and i guess it's inevitable sorry sky but it looks like you (lea not sky) deserve to [redacted] goosebot and it's well deserved ajsjdjdne ily and id love to interact more with you next year <33

@london-affairs literally started talking to you like 5 days ago and we were flirting non stop that's CRAZYYYY ily btw pookie 😍

@m3ntallyunstable34 my literal best friend!! i absolutely love you mwah mwah mwah thank you for being my best friend and dealing with me for 12 years llama im shocked you're not insane yet ahsjsj ilyyyy ❤️

these are the mutuals that made me throw my phone across the room and scream in excitement when i realised THEY followed ME

also i will take this moment to thank all of you for making my year amazing and i love you all so much and i hope you have THE BEST 2024. thank you so much for being a part of my crazy blog i would never have imagined 438 people would find this silly little blog 🫶

@cassiopeiasdaughter @faultsline @underthenightskydreamsneverdie @theostrophywife @slytherinslut0 @imperpetuallylost @themidnightarcher @stvrlighhttt @psychedeliccc @prettybaby-grande @nqds @themidnightarcher @i-miss-you-im-sorry @cottoncandywhispers @svnflowermoon @finalgirllx @fallingforfictionalcharacterss @ashisgreedy @moonffe @suugarbabe @wordsarelife and @xobridgertonblues (i might've tagged some people twice sorryyyy)

[lilflowerpot]

Hiiii flower! This has beeen eating me alive and I just have to ask because I think I’m going crazy is there a post about lotor having a past lover/love interest?I swear I saw one but I can’t find it and im thinking I’m fixated so much on little blade that im actually dreaming/imagining about them🤭

IF he did have a lover what happened to them? And is that character going to be in little blade

Also how would keith reaction be if lotor had or has a lover and he still falls in love with lotor how would keith react to realizing that he fell in love with someone that already has a partner or has had a love interest in the past?

ALSO is that (possibly fake/real) love interest the reason that lotor doesn’t get involved with other people?And since I know it’s mentioned that he doesn’t get involved with them because of Haggar does that mean that Haggar has done something to this person(Ex, past possibly still in love partner, past dead partner?)

Sorry I know that most of these questions can’t be answered but im still curious and I been thinking if its just my imagination making these post up😭.

Also have to know (not related to my last questions) if Keith would to have met sane Zarkon and Haggar and lotor would have been born in the future around Keith’s birth time also if they would have been lovers with the original story line straying from canon then would Haggar and zarkon approve of Keith?

Jesus I’m very very sorry for all these questions I been reading your older posts and honestly it’s been piling more theories and questions and since summer is up and school is back up again and me not putting attention in class I been thinking more and more about little blade it’s ok if you don’t answer bye flower have a good day/night/afternoon♥️💜

I cannot express how relieved I was when you acknowledged that I can't answer most of these questions, because when someone's so clearly enthusiastic and I have to be like "irrespective of whether I confirm or deny this, it's still going to be a spoiler" I always feel so mean 😭

As for whether there's a post explicitly delving into Lotor's romantic past, though it's entirely possible that I've let the odd tidbit slip here and there, I believe I've been rather particular in avoiding addressing that topic in full; I do have thoughts on said romantic history, naturally—Keith's too, as a matter of fact—but that is something for which you shall have to be patient and wait for the story-proper to take its course.

Keith, I think, would be more surprised if he were to learn that Lotor //hadn't// a romantic past than had, I mean... he's a literal prince and looks like that?? The only thing he's reasonably certain of is that, regardless of whether there was/wasn't someone like that in Lotor's life at some point, there isn't anyone anymore, for the simple fact that Lotor's arrival on Voltron's doorstep seemed quite obviously the move of a man with nowhere left to turn.

Your last question is one I actually can answer, or rather, I've already done so! Both for uncorrupted Zarkon, and also as the man he was before the rift ♡

[howlsofbloodhounds]

crowshipping anon here

i was suddenly struck with the image of murder being surrounded by crows and rats as he talks and coos at them. and then killer, who is secretly watching this the whole time, just has to open his mouth and comment "ok cinderella". i just know murder is pissed that his peaceful alone time is interrupted by killer lol

that being said, i wonder how other people feel about murder as a worshiper of death. nightmare is murderously angry about it, but cannot actually do anything short of killing murder of course. killer might be interested in murder's quirks at first, but i'm not sure he finds it that interesting - i don't think he's interested in poking into the death gods in the grand scheme of things. horror takes one look at murder's mini-shrine for the death gods and just thinks "im so glad im the only sane person here".

and if murder manages to escape nightmare and gets to live in the omega timeline? what would the residents think about his practice? one-man death cults (i'm using "cult" in the most liberal sense) aren't exactly something... harmless. but eh, i'm sure someone would find it fascinating (not sure who though).

imagine killer in his "official qpr with color" stage finally gets what murder's death cult is about and joins him lmaooooo

The thing I find interesting about Killer and death is that, by his own admission, he has accepted death. Even encouraged Color to kill him should he ever “get out of control”/went Stage 3. He asked Swap to kill him once.

Death permeates every corner of killers existence. and yet the only reason it can be argued why he isnt dead before color comes along is simply..because no one else wants him to die. no one who matters.

nightmare still has a use for him. player still has a use for killer, and so determination will not allow him to go so easily. at most the only reason that can be argued why killer himself is trying to live is just spite. wanting to go on his own terms, or eventually, at the hands of someone he trusts.

color.

killer doesnt really have much reason to want to live besides spite and “something new,” did he.

no hope in a better life, just more death and violence and destruction in his wake. i doubt stage 2 is anything resembling stage 1’s suicidal tendencies (now arguably more passive), but im sure he probably experiences that sensation of just..wanting things to stop. go back to nothing, back to the empty.

i doubt he really acknowledged that, though. just enjoyed whatever bits of nothing he could find in sleep.

then things change when color comes along, offering safety and choice and hope. he really lit up killers grey and empty world. so i cant help but wonder how his relationship with death and Death would go in his good ending.

perhaps once again resisting reaper, only this time because hes not ready to go, even if..uh, his breakdowns are dangerous enough to push him to the brink. he doesnt really want to go anywhere color wont be.

perhaps he will take part in murders offerings from time to time, if only to apologize for making Reaper’s job a lot harder and being a straight nuisance for the poor God. but killer isnt going without color, and not until theyre good and ready. killers literally willing to fist fight both Reaper and Grimm for his Good Ending.

..but, id say killer gets it now. Stage 2 never felt the guilt or remorse or shame that any of the others did, and i doubt he will even as he attempts to change, but in a way, color is like his god. his religion. the closest he can see himself getting to such things anymore.

he supposes he can understand that, if Death has offered to Murder even a fraction of what Color has given him.

As for what everyone else would think. There’d probably be the few that judge Murder’s practices—either because they believe Death to somehow be evil, or simply because they are holding Murder’s past back in Dustale and in Nightmare’s Gang against him. A murderer, worshipping death? There’s probably all sorts of whispers of animal sacrifices and blood rituals, the usual judgments bred from fear and ignorance.

I think itd be cute if killer, cross, and the epic sanses decide to look out for murder a bit. murder’s still a bit of loner, but the gang will look out for him in their own ways; such as helping him protect his shrines from people trying to ruin them, occasionally leaving Death some offerings themselves and just generally being respectful about it, and..you know. Intimidating a few people here and there (delta and killer lmao).

{i can imagine nightmare seething in outrage and possessive jealousy and feeling very offended that murder brought that stuff into his castle, so murder just takes it outside and now nightmare has to try and let it go or killer will relentlessly taunt and pick at him about it.}

[therealslimshakespeare]

my dearest darlingest marina i need you to know you have broken me quite thoroughly and i might never ever forgive you for it as long as we both shall live ! ❣️

to clarify- ive been saving "let's fall out of love" to read later ever since you posted it cuz i didn't feel ready- didn't think i was emotionally stable enough to read it then. well, tonight ive been clearing out my list of unread fics from last year aND GODDAMN WAS I EVER RIGHT ABOUT THAT.!!!

started getting all weepy and shaky before that first courthouse bathroom conversation and i didn't ever stop 😭 sobbed so hard and for so long at the unfairness of it all (for both of them !) i gave myself an asthma attack and had to stop reading.. what really broke me was e's bittersweet and somewhat detached realization on the courthouse steps that all their kids had flocked to laney during the divorce. couldn't stop thinking abt how badly i would've wanted to tell jesse off for being sharp to his daddy, and the knowledge that elaine COULDN'T, that it wasn't quite over yet and she still had to save face for a bit longer despite how much it killed them both, despite being the only person who could truly understand just how deep elvis was hurting right then and having been the one who'd made a whole life out of loving him hard.......... the idea of him resigning himself to having lost that forever (false) and her having to go against everything in her nature to let him ache a while longer,, oh it just shattered my spirit to bits right then and there. oh god im gonna start crying again just thinking about how lonely they both made each other 💔💔💔

im literally inconsolable, even with the reasoning behind it/ knowing how it ends beforehand, and having those future timeline fics to fall back on did nOT SAVE ME like . dear GOD woman how is that even possible?!?? if i had any shred of humanity left in my body id wax poetic for three more paragraphs abt how that speaks to your truly absolutely outstanding talent as an author and worldbuilder, but alas i think i cried out everything that was keeping me sane sometime in the last half hour and now i have to go lie facedown on the floor in my hallway and die abt it all instead 👍 fantastic work as always i love all your work so much forever etc etc 💗💗💗💗💗💗💗

ps: it took me the better part of an hour to type all this out since ive lost the water content of approxinately a small ocean w my tears and am doing physically poorly in response 🫠🫠 so thanks for ur patience in this trying time 😔🙏

I spun around in circles upon reading this like my poor coon dog when she had a stroke -jovially of course. Like this is the stuff every writer dreams of getting for feedback but holy smokes, your talent for screaming? Beyond my wildest dreams. I’ve always told you how much I appreciate your time and enthusiasm to tell your thoughts Mary Hope, and now is no exception. My babe and co-author @elvisabutler deserves the pleasure of reading what we’ve wrought, as well. I’ll be halving all your medical and psychiatric expenses with her. 😏

Tbh, despite knowing both imminent and longterm reconciliation was to happen after this segment, we were just as cut up about tearing them apart as you were to read it. In fact, it was worse than all the lead up fics where the passive aggressive accumulation of grievances came across as hurts but ultimately only aggravations. This is just…PAIN. Funny how what was untenable before a tragedy suddenly appears to have been idyllic after it. Anyways.

Thank you for reading, here’s some Kleenex, albuterol and do know the sequel to this divorce is in drafts, so not finished AT ALL but it is in the works.

Not that it’ll hurt much less than this one. 😈

[flango87]

I’m thinking about how we are seeing, and will continue to see, major media and zionists paint Aaron Bushnell as insane, but really this has been the most sane reaction we’ve seen. I want to clarify that I think it’s incredibly important to not glorify Aaron, as I’ve seen some people do, because a) he’s just a person, glorifying is a form of dehumanization, and b) despite any other good work he did, he was still incredibly complicit in this genocide, being a part of the US military. He literally said this. He knew this. So just so we’re clear that I do not intend to glorify him with saying this. But this really was the most sane reaction we’ve seen. He was a person of clarity. Learning about the other work he was doing in community organizations, seeing his posts online, and just all of the thought and preparation put into his self immolation. Not only in the way he did it, so that it was explicitly clear the message he was sending, so that major media couldn’t ignore it, so that the video was sure to be seen, but the act itself. The clarity of it all. And this is exactly what he said, “this will be seen as extreme, but this is what the ruling class has decided is normal”. I’ve been having moments of feeling insane, questioning if I’m losing it because of my reactions to everything happening rn. I’ve been having people question me. I’ve had the general reaction of, ‘yeah, things are bad, but life goes on, you need to find ways to cope’. After Aaron’s protest im questioning my sanity in the opposite way. How am I not doing more? How is everyone not doing more?? Obviously there are a lot of people working hard and doing everything they can, but that’s a select few. The vast, vast majority of people are doing far from enough. Things are continuing as normal, jobs, events, all of it, because we are letting it. Major organizations and people with influence are hosting fundraisers, saying ‘ceasefire now!’, and calling It a day. Idk. I know there is a lot of work going on, and it’s just difficult to see. I know we can’t riot tomorrow and shut it all down, and there is so so much work that needs to happen before the bigger stuff. We need mutual aid programs, education, organization. But still…. Aaron was right. What he did was not extreme at all. We need to be more extreme. And maybe I’m just projecting here, because I know that I should be doing more. But given the extreme weight of our collective situation… protests and workshops look comical next to it. That’s not to say they’re not necessary, or important, but we need to remember the gravity of everything. We need to never allow ourselves to get used to this. We need to never allow this to be normalized. Idk, this is a very messy attempt at sharing my thoughts, but Aarons self immolation has shaken me to my core. I think it has for a lot of people. What he did was intended to be not only a wake up call, but a call to action. Let it call you. Question and push what our society calls ‘reasonable’ every day. Do not become desensitized. Act urgently, but not frantically. Talk to everyone in your life, learn about mutual aid and get involved, join organizations already advocating for justice, and be extreme. Let people think you’re extreme. Reacting in an extreme way is the only sane reaction to an extreme situation. If you’ve read this all, thank you for reading my ramble. I hope you take something from this.

[hiseternalmayfly]

8, 10, 14, and 15 <3

in which ways did your F/O(s)/selfshipping help you this year? Imma be real with you chief I think the only reason I'm sane is cause self shipping and thinking about Vash all day long uwu

have you bought any merch of your F/O or other items that remind you of them this year?

YEAH AND ITS STARTING TO BE A LOT....AND IM STILL GETTING MORE I JUST CAN'T STOP...I literally got spray for him omg

did you find out anything new and surprising about yourself through selfshipping this year?

Nothing truly exciting...I think honestly I'm just surprised how fucking down bad I could get for one fictional character and how hard I could cry over them

is there any piece of selfship-related content you've created this year that you're particularly fond of? (this can be art, writing, a headcanon you came up with, etc. anything counts!)

Yes yes! I like the first meeting story I wrote between Knives and my S/I it's still my favorite piece ever. I sadly don't like much of the art I've made this year but hopefully I'll get better next year aaaaaaaa

[riewritten]

what do you do when inspiration suddenly hits you? like do you just memorize it in ur head or note it somewhere or do u work on that idea immediately?? im very very curious about ur creative process PLEASE OVERSHARE because i believe there are things that are new to me. like you write and draw and it's amazing how tou do both! i'm more curious about ur writing process because i don't write much (nowadays i only journal or write diary entries, in the past i did write fanfictions but they're almost all oneshots or unplanned dropped after 2 or 3 chapters). (how) do you plan your storyline? do you consider yourself flexible (like are u comfortable with changing plans in a big project where one change could lead to other changes?). Do you beta read by yourself or is there anyone who does it? if you do it by yourself, what do you feel when re-reading your writings? i literally have sm questions but i don't wanna overwhelm you 😭😭😭 you don't need to answer if you don't want to, that's alright!!!

when u said i could overshare

for whenever the inspiration hits, i tend to start on it immediately. writing is such a mood booster for me and i'm in a low mood most of the time so i seize the moment whenever motivation comes :'D sometimes when i'm busy (let's say school/work) and a great idea pops in (usually in quote format), i just lay it down in my gdocs. for oneshots, 1 doc would suffice. for longfics, the docs per chapter are contained in a folder.

i don't think i'm great in fan arts (i just get the boost from those who draw well—like u!) so i'm glad you appreciate it as well <3

regarding my writing process, someone actually asked me about it before! but to generalize my answer there, i ponder on 3 things (plot, characterization, & chapter study). my first fic (and my first series in general) was dusk in the brightest. i worked on chapter study first: detailed sequence of events from C1-10, vague concept in 11-15, then the rest is just 2-3 sentences of how i want the story to end. the 2nd one, character study, was smth i learned from a professor in one of my subjects when i submitted a one-act play script to her and she heavily criticized my characterization (like so badly i still get jitters remembering it) 😭 since then, i've been very wary with getting things accurate and consistent with my characters. for my plot-heavy fics, that's what i'm most serious for.

i think my flexibility (i dont even think i got that) was v challenged during the last arc of DIB because i suddenly had a complete change of mind with the ending (exactly what u had mentioned: changes that would lead one thing to the other). it was def not comfortable but a great tip (i think) to work around it is that: go back to your earlier chapters, pick up the most random scenarios you had made, then come up with a reason why that random thing ensued. an example of executing it is how isayama worked around aot's first scene (child!eren crying & mikasa being the first one he sees) by connecting it to his last scene in the manga (ofc i wouldn't assume isayama just thought abt it midway. it's just with how he executed it).

i don't have lots of friends in this app so i usually do the revisions all by myself. i'm a type of author that releases chapters impulsively—i'd publish smth that i hadn't proofread yet, read it in the app, then just do all the editing there. i'll repeat the process until i finally get satisfied. i think it's easier for me to point out mistakes when i feel the urgency to do so (like omg i have to hurry in polishing this bc readers might click anytime soon 😭) though someone helped me change POVs (from 1st to 2nd) in DIB C1-13 and let me tell u that i never thought having someone help me beta read my work could bring me so much delight.

and pls don't worry about overwhelming me! using this app and dumping all my work here are literally what keeps me sane from the overwhelming things in my life atm. to have u appreciate it gives me joy & comfort. thats why i'd be honored to answer all of ur questions :'D

[dreamswapafterdark]

Took a break from writing around 10 pm, it's now almost 5 am. I spent 7 hours reading manga and finding out my two favourite characters died. I know I'm adding that into my febwhump because writing is the only way I feel emotions beside rage, happiness and panic. Can confirm I don't feel grief from the funeral I went to back before covid, people I was related to and cared about for years were gone, and I just was watching people cry, and no getting it. Think I'm going into sleep deprived rambles. But, I'm so adding Finch breaking the magic suppressants so Killer can break free and fend off Angel, even while in a weakened and traumatized state. He can still resist, so despite being broken, he still does the only thing he can to fight.

*leans in reeeeeal close*

hey wiggity woogity buddy chum friend pal want a new year confession 'cause it's gonna get pretty dark but I figure that stuff is up yo alley. so uh hi traumadumping for ideas for febwhump! no seriously a lot of traumadumping. feast to your soul's delight

Sometimes I wrote angst fics of dreamswap characters killing or harming themselves to that I wouldn't do the same. And also being able to comfort other characters, because I can't comfort other people for the life of me and there was nobody to comfort me, either irl or online.

Writing literally kept me from killing myself when I had no one and nothing but a box opener that gradually sliced me up and a bottle of pills that could have killed me. some people think my old writing is cringey and tbh I can see why but also. it's MY cringe that kept ME from dying so fuck what they think.

This latest fic I'm roleplaying with Silver along with a few roleplays with my friends kept me fuckin' sane when Disgraced Fox was rampaging with his bullshit about me being a pedophile (in the same fandom that called a 15 year old a "reverse pedophile" a few years ago... oooh funny how the tables turn) as well as sending what is basically underage revenge porn of me, a minor at the time, talking about nsfw shit abt ib//vs nsfw, to other minors. also when mxrtified, someone i found out was an old friend when i was 16, blocked me for ...some??? reason which hurt a lot back then (i also suspect the above ib//vs bullshit but at this point it's harder to care. tho back when that happened I was seriously lucky I didn't fuck myself up or worse thanks to my headmate intervening)

also fun fun funny fun fun fact! you know the people, Cottonwood and Sedona, two characters Dream talked about in Chapter 15 for TUSOUD? yeeeeeeaaaaaahhhh see, my mom murdered my dad and that was me being like "hmm I wonder what life would be like if I stayed with my mom" and that was what I came up with for why Dream decided to create a governmental/law sort of system! seriously, that fucking murder was a whole ass thing and I STILL can't believe she got away with it like she did. i mean. i was kinda still a kid and afraid of what would happen if my mom found out I talked to police because ACAB (still applies + our justice system is fucked + who the FUCK do I even begin calling + good fucking luck on them finding my mom because I fucking can't) but like. wow you wanna put that shit in a fic or something I can hook you up. also do you want ways in which I was pretty sure she could have murdered me because that was a very real reality for me a while back.

also your fic is amazing and I will kiss you (platonically bc im a trans guy n i don't think you're into that OR into me so NFERGIR) anyway I need to go to sleepytimes

[spamlets-blog]

sooo long story but

tw grooming

(story below the cut)

i’ll preface this with saying that i was 12-13 at the time of it happening

so basically i was in a discord server, and the adults were WAYYY too comfortable sharing sexual content with minors. and they were really overprotective of it too—when then callout post eventually dropped they got really, genuinely upset that they weren’t able to talk about sexual content in the same channels that had kids.

anyways, i was a regular in the server and fairly close with the server owner. he was 23? 24? potentially 26? i think at the time, and just. yeah, he and his group were simply way too comfortable sharing sexual content explicitly to minors, to the point that any outsider would definitely be able to look in and be like: “hey! what the fuck! why are you sharing that with a 13 year old?”

over time they encouraged me to share many personal details about myself!! which is very bad!!!

on one hand i technically got some very comprehensive sex ed, but on the other hand i got WAY too comfortable sharing sexual information with adults (thus the grooming part, as well as my emotional attachment to the adults in the server that came with it).

and thats the story of how i got groomed on discord

some may argue that it technically may not have been grooming (though i think if you had seen it directly you would think that it was) and may say something like, “maybe they were just some well intentioned adults!” but either way they were wildly irresponsible and also actively giving a dangerous impression to me and the other minors on the server that it was appropriate and okay to share information about our sexual activities to adults on the internet. it took a while to realize that their behavior was completely inappropriate (and potentially illegal), especially to a 12-13 year old.

i thought i was SO COOL for being in an “adult server” talking about “adult topics” and that’s how they got me! that’s how i ended up in that trap! so if anyone ever says “you’re so mature for your age” online you should block them and run the hell away

personally it wasn’t really… traumatic in any sense, it just kind of made me go “i need to be more careful on the internet and maybe not trust adults as much as i used to”. i dont really need any sort of hugs or consolation over it because i kind of don’t really care haha, i hope all the adults in that server get fucked (metaphorically) but besides that i dont really have any lasting bad memories (besides. i mean. the obvious)

anyways, more on the callout post:

it dropped in like. the middle of the day, without any warning. everyone started freaking out, including me, and we all got very paranoid and very defensive. the owner was like “how dare they target a person with a small platform using their much larger one!!” and things like that? and also as i said earlier, all of the adults in the “inner circle” of the server (aka friends with the owner) got incredibly angry about being exposed for talking to kids in a wildly inappropriate manner.

afterwards, they separated the channels into nsfw (adult only) and not nsfw (open for anyone), but they were genuinely so mopey about it. they were genuinely distressed about it. i literally think about this all the time like even ignoring some of the other things there is no reason for any sane adult to be sad that they don’t get to talk about their sexcapades to kids anymore, like what the hell thats insane actually

im fairly sure i was the main focus, since i was the youngest of the minors on the server at the time

one of the things i do think was wildly irresponsible about the callout post though was definitely the fact that one of the victims (i was one of like. 3? 4? maybe 5) had her face as a profile picture, and the burner didnt even bother to censor it. i remember her freaking out in my dms because of it, and to this day i do still think it’s crazy that they did a callout post on someone putting children in danger, and then did something that. well. put a child in danger.

they also shared screenshots that contained a lot of my and other victims personal information in their callout doc, once again something that was endangering and unnecessary.

i think calling out dangerous people in the community was extremely necessary, however they should have put more effort into protecting the victims as well, and if we asked them to take some things down they should have listened (i specifically very much remember the girl asking them to hide her face in the screenshots after the post went out and they said she was “defending the groomer” for asking such a thing (despite being a victim of him herself??)

that was certainly a situation!! and i dont really think back on it much beyond “huh, that happened”

[chocobox]

the fact that my threeeee biggest love heart guys are england and edgeworth and levi gives me many thoughts. because they all kind of occupy the same character niche and have at different times been associated with each other because of it. and are also all very popular fan favorites. in, again, a very specific niche. but i don't really tend to relate with their fanbases because despite their popularity, there aren't a lot of people who i feel like them the same way i do? not intended as an "I'm different and thus more special" dig but like. i am different, and it can be isolating. because i just don't relate to their fans in a very mundane way. so i sit over here playing toys with them on my own. (i don't think people ostracize me on purpose i'm just shy and a bit socially inept.)

also, i think it's funny that they get associated with each other because while i can see the superficial similarities, there are also substantial differences in each of them, to the degree that it would probably be very fun to graph out. like, they're all into having a 'refined' image, and that trait can often be conflated when comparisons are drawn, but they all approach it from a very specific life experience, with incredibly different behaviors around it.

for edgeworth, this 'refined' behavior is something very natural for him, he's kind of always acted like a stuffy snob, and then that behavior got exacerbated by being raised in an abusive, wealthy environment. it's something he couldn't shake if he tried, because it's just how he's learned to experience the world, and the most prominent way his taste had been shaped. he's also really refined and picky when it comes to what he considers to be elegance.

as for england, a persona of being a 'refined gentleman' is something he deeply enjoys performing, but it kind of just is a performance. he's very proud of it in a way you'd only be if you were doing a good job at something foreign to you, which makes sense given it's not something he even really could have grown up in. he's awkward with it, and not actually very refined, but he has an attraction to it and he does have the privilege of consistent exposure to it. he's not necessarily bad at playing the part and it'd be disingenuous to say it isn't a big part of who he is, but generally, his more crass and shitty self always wins out. although he may criticize others, his own bad taste always shines through, because you can't really fake that. being elegant and refined is something he wants to be seen as, but he'll always have an inclination towards counter-culture styles and behaviors in a way that feels much more true to his personality, because he always has been, and always will be, rough around the edges. it's most comfortable for him to embrace that, and his enjoyment of performing gentlemanly behavior, in and of itself, is an offshoot of these off-kilter traits. it's still about maintaining superiority and pride in a very nasty way. (IM GOING TO SCREAM I WANT TO TIE HIM UP IN A JET PLANE AND FLY IT INTO A MOUNTAIN AND EXPLODE IN IT WITH HIM)

and then you have levi, for whom the idea of elegance is, in truth, almost completely foreign. he has spent his entire life in poverty and conflict, and he doesn't actually like rich people (setting him apart from england and edgeworth, who ARE both very well off.) he had to fight to survive and spent most of that time in filthy surroundings, and indulging in things he finds to be respectable is a way of keeping himself sane. he would never, ever don 'respectful' or 'gentlemanly' behavior the way the other two i've discussed here do, because it's not the point. maintaining cleanliness, liking tea, and having an affinity for types of dress derived from formality all comes from a simple desire for happiness and stability. in 'bad boy', it's literally established that the reason he likes many of the things he does is because he always admired his mother's refined elegance (🤪🤪🤪🤪im going to die) and has shaped himself around her in every way he can choose to, even despite the violence and cruelty he was forced to learn. it helps his self esteem, and also helps to keep her with him in a tangible way. he emulates superficial things that make him feel better and closer to her, and i don't think he even considers changing his personality to fit the matching image of refinement. after all of the suffering he has experienced in impoverished filth, he just wants nice things. he craves stability, and his snobbish behaviors and specific inclinations (respectively, the way his life has hardened him and the only things he can find simple comfort in despite said hardening) all come from his basic desire for a good life that he has never been allowed.

So thats just like one of the thinfs that they seem similar on but arent actually haha

[imaginarianisms]

im making a dani meta bc it's may & she's the may queen so. there's this theory going around where dani's treated as special in the harga compared to the others in the group & for the most part i think that's untrue. dani, by herself, made the effort to participate in their practices, like when, the first time she'd rejected the dance, she felt that she wasn't confident enough, or when she picked the flowers walking backward like the other harga girls while the boys called it "walking stupid". she treated the harga like people & in turn they respected her. i'm not taking connie & simon into consideration because as people of color they were doomed from the start no matter how they acted, but the white men were too busy treating the harge people like bizarre individuals & objects of study rather than people. while i believe pelle planned for some way for dani to be accepted, they likely didn't expect her to respect them so much. like, yes she was supposed to respect the culture & be nice & yes she was supposed to participate but they didn't expect that kind of behavior from the men & thought it was normal for them to be complete assholes to each other & the harga people. the only reason why dani's treated as special is literally bc she treated everyone with decency, not only her "friends" who invited her on that trip to sweden in the first place & the harga people who welcomed her into their home but also simon & connie who she didn't know at all whatsoever prior to the trip to sweden. a lotta ppl for some reason consider dani a villain for doing this & the choices she made & while, yes, she made the objectively horrible & immoral decision to let the harga kill christian out of her grief & rage, but i& need y'all to recognize that dani was drugged. ok. she spent g-d knows how many hours dancing around that maypole, she's exhausted, drugged (multiple times. btw), & was offered a choice to act against the way he's been treating her since the very beginning of the movie, if not before. dani made an objectively bad decision & it is bad & ruthless, yes, but that does not make her a villain. she's a flawed character who's a genuinely kind & sweet person that went insane & had no agency whatsoever in her life & the only moment she's given a choice in the movie, it's the most terrible worst choice there is & yet the most freeing at the same time that wouldn't have made a sane, sober decision in that moment bc of the drugs still in her & without the drugs & the fatigue i genuinely don't think that would've happened at all & not to mention it's heavily implied that dani is jewish (& i interpret her as an indigenous white presenting / white seeming sami jew) so she would be in danger & i am. begging y'all to be normal about cult survivors.

[deaneybabyinc]

im going insane and i feel like im not real rn so im gonna ramble about my object crushes and various proclivities of mine

im into like base level objectum stuff the eroticism of the machine and whatnot. i think my favorite object attractions are bulky pcs (this laptop does nothing for me i need her to be thick) and sharp objects, i especially love craft supplies that i've bonded with. me and my box cutter are best friends i use her for every project. romantically i really enjoy an object who is there for me and is somewhat diy or battered, something with history you know. i like to think about the life the object has lived and how it still functions despite it. i really have a fun bond with my car. she was my grandmothers car and she has a lot of life in her. shes a 2012 white prius and i care for her a lot. my favorite white girl <3 i also am really into a lot of mathematical concepts i dont know how to explain it but i just think about them and their perfection and i love them. especially shape math like geometry and trigonometry really fascinate me. trigonometry is so hot man like that retro video of the angles of the triangle.... the panties hit the floor.

i rarely develop crushes outside of my specific niches but i do that a thing going on with my among us plushie which is so fucked for me like why did my brain decide on the among us plushie to develop this relationship with kinda fucked up. but their name is mungus and theyre a mungus of the mungus species and i saw them in the store and literally was attached immediately like i was like "okay i have seen you on this shelf and now i love you forever" and theyve hung out with me ever since. we had kind of a sexual fling but i kept getting embarrassed when i remembered that uh. thats a crewmate from the hit game amongus available on all platforms. they're yellow and have a leaf on their head. i love you mungus

i feel like i have been a lot more accepting of thoughts and feelings like this recently. i used to have such a complex about being sane which i think is normal when you have an extensive history of delusions and hallucinations that are really distressing and negative. and because i was so scared of going back to that place i completely rejected everything that wasnt objective reality. but like thats not the person i am. and its so difficult having a heart that falls in love with computers and kins passionately and wants to believe in gods and spirits and past lives and magic and having a brain that is so so scared and cannot let that become true. and i kept yearning for the good parts of being actively delusional. when i wasn't convinced that my room is covered in invisible spiders and i was burning alive and everything smelled like fresh meat, i sometimes felt important and connected with everything and like i knew who i was. which is maybe the only thing that kept me from completely falling apart during these times. the world was agonizing me but its for a reason, and i am so many people but theyre all me. every part of me from the ugly to the beautiful had a special spot. and yes im romanticising it all but its hard not to

anyways it all kinda flipped after i was hospitalized the last time. i lost who i was to precious sanity and to give myself credit ive re-created myself pretty well. but i feel like theres a hole in it. the self crumbled and ive been picking up pieces and trying to throw pieces away that i didnt want to fit in but you cant throw them away they always stay. all that to say i have been trying to reincorporate whimsy and have been doing an admittedly kind of shitty job lol