#they are just looking for critiques that don't exist
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Actually I changed my mind: in my first reblog of this, I had a little note in the tags stating that I guess I could at least get behind it as a political critique of punk, but now I'm going to go ahead and call that part of the post asinine as well.
Look, I get it: I also hate when people make the kind of dumb "punk is anything you want it to be" claims detailed in the last paragraph of the above rant, and I also cringe when people try and paint over the subcultures neo-Nazi flirtations. But what exactly are you trying to accomplish by attempting to divorce punk as a subculture from its politics, or political movements that have been inspired by it?
As I mentioned in the tags of my first reblog, there is almost certainly a leftward trend among those who could be considered cultural figureheads of punk, like Ian MacKaye, Henry Rollins, Patti Smith, David Byrne, etc. (with the requisite number of right-wing cranks you see pretty much anywhere like Johnny Rotten, Johnny Ramone and Morrissey). And that's not nothing - even if some of those figureheads have also said or done dumb things that don't align with my own leftism or most other people's here, they've inspired a lot of others to adopt the better parts of their ideals!
So what's loathsomespider's criticism here? That punk leftists failed to actually topple capitalism like they threatened to and instead became a part of the system, therefore the whole subculture is null and void and should only ever be analyzed as a fashion statement? Like it or not, subcultures exist in dialogue with politics, and while I am also skeptical that a single subculture is ever going to change the face of politics, many people find it encouraging to have a subculture they can bond over that they also share vague political ideals with. It has been said time and time again (and quite accurately, I'd add) that capitalism is able to incorporate any critique coming from outside itself into a marketable and non-threatening version of that critique within capitalism. So what makes punk such a special case here? Why stop there? Why not say all subcultural resistance is futile and ultimately apolitical if it takes place under capitalism? I just don't follow what of substance this post is supposed to be saying at all.
the "dumbledore's army" to "punk is anti-establishment" pipeline
#I'm sorry everyone#I hate fighting on the internet but my brain hasn't been able to let this one go
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#star wars#sw memes#the acolyte#the acolyte spoilers#the high republic#the high republic spoilers#hell#I know more than some of those people#they are just looking for critiques that don't exist#like#criticize the acolyte if you like there is plenty to do so#but not for the lore stuff
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i am so goddamn tired of every single fantasy story being about men. i am so goddamn tired of women being side characters and love interests and set dressing and an afterthought. i am so goddamn tired of women who are powerful but feminine. women who are "dressed to kill" and they are wearing eyeliner and a dress and heels. i am so goddamn tired of women always being healers and having water magic. i am so goddamn tired of men going on adventures and dying nobly. i am so goddamn tired of never being able to find a story about women that i can fall in love with. i am so goddamn tired of all fandom being about men.
#i have spent the past several weeks becoming increasingly upset about this#hannibal? men. lotr/the hobbit? men. stargate atlantis? men. dragon age inquistion? men. one piece? men.#the handful of superhero's i periodically read about? men. transformers? men. every goddamn anime i've ever loved? men.#the witcher? men. fantasy anachronism? men. literally every single fantasy adventurer series? men.#it's men and men and men and men and men and men and men and men#i just want ONE. one single goddamn story about women that is as well written and well made and as deep as everything else#i want ONE story about a women or women who are noble and honorable and fight in the face of impossible odds#and i don't want them to be pretty and small and feminine#make them hairy and fat and muscular and tall and wear steel toed boots and carry swords and fight monsters and sleep in the woods#and eat stew and carry heavy packs for long distances and be intelligent and sneaky and cowardly and fearful and brave#make them laugh and cry and scream and fall in love and write poetry and books and songs#make them wrestle and pick on each other and pull each others hair and sit around campfires#MAKE THEM GODDAMN PEOPLE#there are books out there about women going on adventures. they exist. i've read some#but they are not the majority and they never get big#and so many end up being poorly written or a romance or a combo of the two#i don't WANT to have to read genderbends just to read about women#i don't want to scroll tumblr and just see men on my dash#all i have ever wanted my whole life is to be a fantasy adventurer. and none of them. not ONE of them looks like me#i am tired of watching youtube critiques of fantasy shows/movies/stories and them just shitting on the women characters#i am just so tired of it
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noah caldwell-gervais is the only motherfucker to have ever been correct about dark souls and elden rings' difficulty. no one else understands
#oops. rant ->#they aren't about overcoming some incredible struggle in order to prove yourself as an insane upper echelon Gamer#they're about allowing the player to create a victory that feels satisfying to them#either by mastering the mechanics#using your brain and coming up with a strategy that works#or just getting some friends to help beat it into the ground#saying “sekiro is designed to teach you that mechanical mastery is sometimes required for victory” is just completely the wrong way around#sekiro exists for the people that preferred to use mechanical mastery to beat dark souls!!!#cause fromsoft went “that's pretty fun may as well make a game based around that”#it doesn't fucking exist so that people play it and go “ah yes this is the way fromsoft intends us to play their other games”#spirit summons in ER exist so that they can create more aggressive bosses without leaving a bunch of players unable to beat the game!!!#like you can like or dislike that game design decision#disliking it is a fair opinion to hold#I kinda dislike it. I don't like rellana as a boss cause she feels reliant on it#but saying that it's bad cause “it teaches you to play the game badly” is so stupid#like it lets you beat the game. what more do you want#the criticism you're looking for is “I dislike it cause I don't like playing the game that way and find it less fun”#which is totally valid and I kinda agree!#but as someone who prefers to fight bosses solo by mastering the mechanics:#stop acting like “fighting bosses solo by mastering the mechanics” is the objectively correct way to play#and deciding that because you play that way all of your critiques are the most valid#and accept you maybe just disagree with some of fromsoft's design choices for ER.#it's fine. you can still like the game. it's okay
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sometimes the way you people talk about Riverdale really makes me feel like you guys are anti-art lmao
#the day society thought there was 'bad art' and that inherently meant it had no value and was better off not existing was the day we lost.#'oh we're so glad it's over' you don't even watch the show.#'how did they ruin such a good show?' i don't believe you have actually seen S01 bc it was actually garbage. easily the worst season.#like S01 legitimately is some of the most boring TV.#and if you like it that's fine but to say it was a good show in S01 is so wjfsjfnsbdhd#raise your standards please#anyway uh some of you just are assholes and very much anti-art with the way you talk about some stuff#art is like meant to communicate something and express a feeling and evoke an emotion. my god.#the way some of you conceptualize it as just mindless entertainment is so embarrassing and sad.#like truly i mean i'm sad for you. you're missing out on so many unparalleled art experiences if all you're looking for is 'good art'#won't get into it under here but that FriendlySpaceNinja Riverdale video is so dogshit specifically BECAUSE it embodies this exact idea#'good writing always wins' you don't get art. you flat out don't.#to conceptualize art as only being 'good' (having value) if it has 'good writing' is such a stupid and capitalist way of thinking about art#anyway that societal critique would eat away at my tag limit so i won't get into it.#james talks#riverdale#not exclusive to Riverdale by the way. also very much applies to something like twilight.#like we've already done such a cultural reevaluation of twilight but i still see so many takes on it that are like 'this shouldn't exist'#and it's very inherently anti-art. also fundamentally the idea of 'good art' is just such dogshit but like go watch the CJ the X video—#on subjectivity in art for a much more comprehensive take on that. they break it down a lot better than i can in tags.#disliking something and understanding it isn't for you isn't the same thing as saying it shouldn't exist btw.#'twilight was not my taste' and 'twilight ruined vampires' or 'twilight is toxic and should've never been written' aren't the same.#like disliking something as an artistic piece bc it doesn't do anything for you is fine! good even. that's like the whole point of art!#but the whole 'burn it down' and 'this is ruining culture and TV' takes are so insufferable and anti-art lol
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#dkhghgghkslghhhgh I'm Not Normal about rotg#my interest in it picks back up for a few weeks each year and I just. sigh#please dreamworks I know you had sequels planned. you don't know how big it would be amongst today's audiences. I prommy#director PETER RAMSEY and executive producer GUILLERMO DEL TORO both want to give it a second chance#as does joyce. the guy who sold the IP to dreamworks#nooo because there are so many interesting things the movie could pull on if it starts looking at the guardians with respect#to events of the past#a big critique of rotg is that it doesn't have much plot and I think that largely comes as a result of the movie being mostly setup#it needed to spend so much time establishing its world and I'm so glad that it did#but it did lead to people questioning what the heck bunny and tooth are and why pitch feels so flat etc etc#oh my GOD if they dug into how pitch was created it would add so much subtext to the antarctica scene#I wouldn't care about whether they brought in nightlight stuff or not by integrating more material from the books bc movie canon#is already so distinct but YOU'RE TELLING ME that this man... a guard in his own right... succumbed to the powers of fear#because he was mourning the loss of his child??? because he wanted to protect her??? and then he tried to connect with jack#(a child) over how much he longed to be known and have a FAMILY??? how am I supposed to be normal about this#there are so many ghosts of the books' influence in the first movie that could be explored so much#not to mention something something fear exists to keep people (kids) safe and eliminating it completely would be Bad Actually#maybe I'm realizing I just want pitch to be explored more sdkfjsldfjks#I've seen a lot of folks say they want more seasonal characters to be introduced and I guess that could work in the context of a show#but if they dove more into how the guardians came to be and what MIM's deal is and how that all affects the present#ohhhh baby that's good content right there#fern muses
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At this point I stay exclusively on this website and Ao3 for fandom stuff but DAMN what the hell happened with the reviews
Castlevania Rotten Tomatos below for comparison
#*long suffering sigh* more than half of these are because of Annette aren't they#people giving this bad reviews because of the annette thing aren't valid sorry not sorry#if you have actual critiques beyond “omg!!!! woke!!!!” you can stay. at least for a little bit#you don't need to like the character rewrites and race changes but if you're basing your reviews and stuff of it then yeah you're racist#oh dear lord there's homophobia popping up too#urgh#this is what i get for looking at rotten tomatoes -_-#people complaining the show talking about the french revolution...bruh#im only paying attention to the few that don't mention “woke” “SJW” or other shit and some (SOME <- key word there) people are valid#LMFAO PEOPLE WITH DARK SKIN EXISTED IN THE 1700S WHAT THE HELL ARE SOME OF THESE PEOPLE ON#some of these reviews are just insulting to fanfic writers#those people have obviously never read a good fanfic in their LIFE#I am willing to tolerate/engage in a polite discussion with some of the people who thought that a few of the themes should have been subtle#i will agree with some of the people who said that richter should have gotten more screen time#but i think it's just a result of trying to juggle too many plotlines at once#oh dear lord this is getting long#ok i'll shut up now#netflix castlevania#castlevania nocturne#castlevania#castlevania netflix#castlevania: nocturne
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I never read this advice to ever mean REPLACING what you already have, all the time?
I always understood it to mean: don't be afraid to find and identify your aesthetic and to get something fun and new and actually wear it.
Like, a lot of times people end up with what they've always worn growing up, or things bought just because they NEEDED something, but not because the specific thing was DESIRED. It was only fairly recently that I started seeing things I liked in the store and NOT ignoring them because "I already had something" or "I didn't really need it."
To me, the message is "why SHOULDN'T I get this cool thing that I really like, and why SHOULDN'T I wear it every chance I get. Why SHOULDN'T I mix and match fun things in fun ways that actually speak to my aesthetic."
And yeah, I still have all my simple t-shirts and jeans, but now I also have a bit of something I might actually call a wardrobe, and it's one that I WANT but also use, and not just something I've merely settled for.
There is something I absolutely loathe about fashion content on the whole.
"What is your color season? Buy a whole new wardrobe." - I assure you that I am not throwing out perfectly good things I already have.
"Find your aesthetic and build a whole wardrobe around it" - again, this involves getting rid of things and buying new ones.
"Instead of buying this sweater, buy one that is pure wool." - I have news for you about how affordable pure wool is.
"Just go thrifting!" - Thrifting is not the gold mine that people seem to think it is. A lot of influencers are getting lucky because they live in cities where there is a relatively high turnover of stock at the thrift store. My average thrift store visit ends with me buying one or two things that 1. I like. 2. Are reasonably priced for the condition they're in. 3. Are actually my size.
If I had to sum up my irritation with this, it's that a lot of fashion content (and interior design from what I've seen) is that it is built on the idea that your life should have a unified aesthetic. But I would wager that most people have pieces and parts of different aesthetics cobbled together across different periods of their life. And there's nothing wrong with that. You don't have to start over every time your "aesthetic" shifts a bit.
#i think there's more than one critique going on here honestly#sure the thrift comments get full marks. i never understood the obsession unless you're abnormally skinny and fit in everything you try on#also full marks for the natural fibers comment. insane prices. also wool feels nasty and it's an unreasonable burden to clean#and definitely the FASHION fashion scene does not exist in anything approaching reality#but I say TOTALLY keep an eye out for aesthetic things you like#don't ignore half the world just because you have something passable. look for things that actually speak to you#anyway. here's me who was actually inspired by some of the fashion stuff op is complaining about. 😂#no I'm not buying a WHOLE new wardrobe nor am i tossing anything whatsoever. but i am keeping an eye out for stuff i like now i realize#i do in fact have an aesthetic in things i like and am willing to wear#commentary
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It is hard to read any bnha critique posts because, frankly, the plot is so shit I do not understand why you would waste time treating it seriously for even one second
#maybe i've been following it too long because god sees some of the chapters i just skimmed through thinking#'is there endeavor if not i lost the interest'#i never cared for the main characters and it is your luck i got intrigued by shouto and kept powering through the main plot#it is so bad i am sorry#tbh all major big shounen stories that drag out for that long are so soulless#i think bnha exists to sell merch and frankly. i won't elaborate cause it worked on me (fuckers)#horikoshi is good at drawing and designing characters but i won't compliment him on anything else#so when you critique separate plot decision you look like a fool to me. the whole story is shit#you don't look at burnt pizza and say ugh this tomato doesn't look good.... girl it is burnt entirely
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I used to work for a trade book reviewer where I got paid to review people's books, and one of the rules of that review company is one that I think is just super useful to media analysis as a whole, and that is, we were told never to critique media for what it didn't do but only for what it did.
So, for instance, I couldn't say "this book didn't give its characters strong agency or goals". I instead had to say, "the characters in this book acted in ways that often felt misaligned with their characterization as if they were being pulled by the plot."
I think this is really important because a lot of "critiques" people give, if subverted to address what the book does instead of what it doesn't do, actually read pretty nonsensical. For instance, "none of the characters were unique" becomes "all of the characters read like other characters that exist in other media", which like... okay? That's not really a critique. It's just how fiction works. Or "none of the characters were likeable" becomes "all of the characters, at some point or another, did things that I found disagreeable or annoying" which is literally how every book works?
It also keeps you from holding a book to a standard it never sought to meet. "The world building in this book simply wasn't complex enough" becomes "The world building in this book was very simple", which, yes, good, that can actually be a good thing. Many books aspire to this. It's not actually a negative critique. Or "The stakes weren't very high and the climax didn't really offer any major plot twists or turns" becomes "The stakes were low and and the ending was quite predictable", which, if this is a cute romcom is exactly what I'm looking for.
Not to mention, I think this really helps to deconstruct a lot of the biases we carry into fiction. Characters not having strong agency isn't inherently bad. Characters who react to their surroundings can make a good story, so saying "the characters didn't have enough agency" is kind of weak, but when you flip it to say "the characters acted misaligned from their characterization" we can now see that the *real* problem here isn't that they lacked agency but that this lack of agency is inconsistent with the type of character that they are. a character this strong-willed *should* have more agency even if a weak-willed character might not.
So it's just a really simple way of framing the way I critique books that I think has really helped to show the difference between "this book is bad" and "this book didn't meet my personal preferences", but also, as someone talking about books, I think it helps give other people a clearer idea of what the book actually looks like so they can decide for themselves if it's worth their time.
Update: This is literally just a thought exercise to help you be more intentional with how you critique media. I'm not enforcing this as some divine rule that must be followed any time you have an opinion on fiction, and I'm definitely not saying that you have to structure every single sentence in a review to contain zero negative phrases. I'm just saying that I repurposed a rule we had at that specific reviewer to be a helpful tool to check myself when writing critiques now. If you don't want to use the tool, literally no one (especially not me) can or wants to force you to use it. As with all advice, it is a totally reasonable and normal thing to not have use for every piece of it that exists from random strangers on the internet. Use it to whatever extent it helps you or not at all.
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most writing advice is good as long as you know why it is good, at which point it is also bad. the hardest thing (and most precious thing) about being an artist is that you gotta learn how to take critique. i don't mean "just shut up and accept that people hate your work," i mean you need to learn what the critique is saying and then figure out if it actually helps.
i usually tell people reading my work: "i'm collecting data, so everything is useful." i ask them where they put the book down, even though it's too long for most people to read in 1 sitting. i ask them what they thought of certain characters. i let them tell me it was really good but i like it more when they look a little stunned and say i forgot i was reading your book, which means they forgot i exist, which is very good news.
sometimes people i didn't ask will read my work and tell me i don't like it. and that is okay, you don't have to like it. but i look at the thing that they don't like and try to figure out if i care. i don't like that you don't capitalize. this one is common, and i have already thought about it. i do not care, it's because of chronic pain and frankly i like the little shape of small letters. you use teeth and ribs in all your work. actually that is very true. i don't know what's up with that. next time i will work to figure out a different word, thank you. you're whiny, go outside. someone said that to me recently and it made me laugh. i am on the whine-about-it website as an internet poet. you are in my native habitat, watching me perform a natural enrichment behavior. but i like the dip of whiny, how the word itself does "whine" (up/down, the sound out your nose on the y), but i don't know if i want to feel whiny. maybe next time i will work on it being melancholy, like what you would call a male writer's poetry.
repeated "good" advice clangs in a bell and doesn't hold a real shape, dilutes in the water. like sometimes you will hear "don't use said." you turn that around in your head and it bounces off the edges of your brain like it is a dvd screensaver. it isn't bad advice, but it feels wrong somehow, like saying easy choices are illegal! sometimes i will only use "said." sometimes i will just kick dialogue tags out to the trash. sometimes i make little love poems where the fact that i do not say "said" is very bad, and makes you feel bad in your body, because someone didn't say something. i am a contrary little shitbird, i guess.
but it is also good advice, actually. it is trying to say that "said" sometimes is clutter. it makes new writers think about the very-small words and very-small choices, because actually your work matters and wordchoice matters. "i know," you said. "i know," you sighed. "i know." we both know but neither of us use a dialogue tag, because we are in a contemporary lit piece.
it is too-small to say don't use said. but it is a big command, so it gets your attention. what are you relying on? what easy choices do you make? when you edit, do you choose the same thing? can you make a different choice? sometimes we need the blankness of said, how it slides into the background. sometimes we don't.
i usually say best advice is to read, but i also mean read books you don't like, because that will make you angry enough to write your own book. i also mean read good books, which will break your heart and remind you that you are a very small person and your voice is a seashell. i also mean you need to eat books because reading a book is a writer's version of studying.
my creative writing teacher in the 7th grade had a big red list of no! words and on it was SUNSET. RAZORS. LOVE. GALAXY. DEATH. BLOOD. PAIN. I liked that razor and love were tucked next to each other like birds, and found it funny that he believed we were too young to know the weight of razor in the context of pain. i hated him and his Grateful Dead belt, where the colored teddy bears held up his appraisal of us. i hated his no list. it is very good/bad advice. i wasn't old enough yet to know that when you are writing about death you are also writing about sunsets and when you write about love you are tucking yourself into a napkin that never stops folding.
back then my poetry was all bloody, dripped with agony when you picked it up. i didn't know there is nothing beautiful about a razor, nothing exciting about pain. i just understood sharpness, which he took to mean i understood nothing. i wrote the razor down and it wasn't easy, but it was necessary. that's what i'm saying - sometimes it's good advice, because it's not always necessary. and sometimes it is very bad advice, because writing about it is lifesaving.
hang on my dog was just having a nightmare. i heard that it is a rule not to write about dogs - in my creative writing mfa, my teacher rolled her eyes and said everyone writes a dead dog. the literature streets are littered in canine bodies. i watched the rise and fall of his ribs (there is that word again) and had to reach out and stop the bad dream. when he woke up he didn't recognize me, and he was afraid.
it is good/bad advice to say that poems and writing have to mean something. it is bad/good advice to say they're big feelings in small packages. it is better advice to say that when my dog saw where he was, he relaxed immediately, rubbed his face against me. someone on instagram would make fun of that moment by writing their "internet poetry" as a sentence that tumbles across a white page: outside it is sunset and my dog is still in a gutter, bleeding a galaxy out of his left paw. or maybe it would be: i woke the dog up/the dog forgot i loved him/and i saw the shape of a senseless/and impossible pain.
the dog is alive in this one, and he is happy. when i tell you i love you, i know what i said. write what you need to write, be gentle to yourself about it. the advice is only as good as far as it helps. the rest is just fencing. take stock of the boundaries, and then break them. there's always somewhere else you could be growing.
i love you, keep going.
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Another thing is believing that what you're "supposed" to do and be outweighs your humanity. A "mild" example is the separation from your humanity you experience when you buy into the idea that "women cook and clean, men Do More Important Things." Part of your humanity, if you're a man*, is stripped away because of what you're "supposed" to do, what you're "supposed" to be, and what is it all for? What purpose does it have to experience and feel that divide of your humanity?
The worst lie you can believe and be told is that women are emotional and men are logical, that men's, essentially, men's emotions are logical and neutral while women's are not, and are in fact frivolous and shallow.
#self reblog#feminism#this isn't critiquing people who just don't like certain gendered acts (e.g. cooking)...#...but it's critiquing the fact that you're FORCED away from certain things...#the Neanderthals didn't cook their food and revolutionize /everything/ for me to be like 'am man. no cook >:('#and women hunters and warriors didn't exist only for us to be like 'women dainty and no violence (that we don't approve of) >:('#not to MENTION how different gender looks and functions when you look outward#it's really easy to divide people. it's really easy to sow division and scorn and mistrust#so it's easy to think everything is about oppositional sexism#this is just something i've come to realize the more and more i settle into myself and start learning things about history and this world
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★ — lights will guide you home | carlos sainz and multi
Description: Trying to find love after your ex-fiancee told you that his mistress makes him happier. How hard could it be?
part two of it was all yellow
Pairing: actress!singer!reader/multi (undecided), actress!singer!reader/carlos sainz (past).
Trope: Secret Baby Trope
Disclaimer: Everything written in this fanfic holds no truth about anyone's personality or actions. It is made purely for entertainment.
A/N: this part will mainly focus on the main character and her relationship with pablo, while setting things up with her future love interest + angst with carlos?🤔
carlossainz55: Everyday Magic! I love you baby.
liked by because.official and 712,923 others
>comments
ynnationlovebears: GIRL...
because.official: aww he looks so cute hubs 🥺 - carlossainz55: ❤️
iggyagaelabeef2: OH MY GOD SHE'S GOING TO KILL U
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The situation was awkward. Pablo was wise beyond his years, he understood the situation - but his difficulty understanding it was obvious. He wasn't comfortable around Carlos, who until yesterday didn't even exist in his little world.
"Give him time." you comforted the older man.
It felt strange, comforting a man who was the reason of your sorrow. He was the reason that you didn't feel confident in your own skin, in your own face, because he thought that someone was better.
You spent these past years trying to look for the faults that he found inside of you, because if he could cheat on you, the next one could.
"Until yesterday, he didn't even know that you existed." you scoffed, attempting to avoid his guilty stare. "I don't know what I'm looking for - or what he likes. Children are a tough crowd." he chuckled nervously, mentally cursing Kirkman for leaving the both of you.
There was a silence, only interrupted by the slight sound of rain on the background. It was obvious that you had nothing in common. You had no desire with being friends with him. "I posted him on instagram, is that fine?" he broke through the thick atmosphere.
You licked your chapped lips.
"Yeah."
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notdanielricciardopriv: this is so scary 😭
liked by 7 others
>comments
notmaxv33: Slendrina - notynln: a lotta nerve from someone singing gagadegadao with my son ??
landofanbasebutreallandonorris: IM SO SCARED RIGHT NOW PLEASE DON'T KIDNAP ME - notynln: 😭
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ynworldupdates: I literally don't understand why Carlos Sainz Jr. decided to cheat on the most beautiful woman in the whole universe 😭😭 like SHE LITERALLY PLAYS TARGARYENS FOR A LIVING MAN!!
liked by 829 others
>comments
birdsofafeather83: literally mother mary incarnate
holypoodlesticks: i want this woman to play a divine goddess
alex_lnc: that's why i love women, men will always CHEAT
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>comments
floppiana83: "that makes her a good friend" MAX YOU ARE NOT SLICK HAHAHAHAHAHA
arianabanana: And they get married and have kids
inchident01: go to 2:01 I'm sensing a crush
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"Charles told me that you were ignoring Carlos' messages." Daniel sits beside me, his face filled with concern.
"I didn't know how to react, okay." you groaned.
A few days ago Carlos posted a picture of Pablo. Your son's face was in full view, everyone began to critique his features - even the looksmaxxing community had a lot to say. It was a boy! A child!
"If you didn't want him posting P - then you should've told him in the first place." he responded, trying to play devil's advocate. It only added more to your fury. "The deed was done, someone probably already saved it - I couldn't just ask Carlos to delete the picture."
"- plus, you know how I get with confrontation." you breathed.
He was about to respond, but he sees your crestfallen face. The same curve of your lips that you miserably wore when you lost a game of UNO, or lost an acting role that you've been pining for.
"I hate him for what he did, but I miss him like a little kid. He makes me feel so stupid and useless."
" - when I'm around him, I can't help but think about my mistakes. I could've been better - maybe then, Pablo would have both of his parents." you sobbed, burying your face in his chest.
Daniel takes a deep breath.
"It shouldn't come from me ... but it's tough being a mother. Carlos can afford to make mistakes, no one will hate him for it - but it's unfair once you're the one who does." he comforted.
Between all your friends, Daniel was the only one who knew how to comfort another person. He was a blessing. A warm teddy bear.
"I-I just wanted to give Pablo the change of having privacy. His father and I never had that as kids. I know how tough it is being in the spotlight, I thought he'd understand." you sighed.
This was another lesson.
"I'll tell him next time." you nodded to yourself. A human being can make mistakes, but as a mother, it's best to not have any.
I've got to learn how to put my foot down.
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yn.ln: a lot of you don't know this but me and @maxverstappen go way back.. i've seen the interview, thank you for calling me a good friend 🤣💚 ps. we first met each other when we were 5 and i'm pretty sure he forgot about me until we met again at 17 🤣
liked by danielricciardo, maxverstappen and 83,293 others
>comments
helaenaslawyer: OH MY GOD ?? SHE LOOKED LIKE RHAENYRA WHEN SHE WAS A KID...THE HOTD CASTING DEPARTMENT NEVER MISSED
emmadarcy: OMG 🔥
maxieworldf1: never beating the sibling allegations
maxverstappen: Have you always been that short? - yn.ln: uhuh mr. tall king? lols
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Carlos was taking snaps of Pablo on his new Kodak camera. The little boy seemed to enjoy being the subject of his father's photos. Daniel nudges your elbows, encouraging you to speak up. "Carlos, will you be posting that on social media?" you inquired.
He looked up with a smile - the smile that used to have you weak on your knees, now instead leaving you with neutral feelings. "If it's okay with you?" his eyebrows merged into each other.
"Uh I actually would prefer it if Pablo stays off the media for a few years, just until he's old enough to make his own decisions." the words slipped out of your mouth like a dam.
His eyebrows raised upwards, surprised.
"Oh I'm sorry that makes sense." his voice sounded defeated, but he quickly returns to playing with his son. You lean back on the sun-bed, flashing Daniel a winning smile. "That was surprisingly easy." you leaned back, watching as he takes a sip of his piña colada.
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yn.ln: this is so 2014 core 🕷 📸 shot by p
liked by maxverstappen and 821,239 others
>comments
helaenaworld: this awakened something within me
holdmybeer: pedro alonso, stephanie beatriz, cm punk, carlos sainz I GET YOU...
bandanaqueef: O M G O M G O M G
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formulaonewagsupdate: because and y/n l/n in one boat?
liked by 82,239 others
>comments
becausefanbase: i get it why carlos cheated HAHAHA
hotpotcentauri: Why does Y/N always look so awk? - ynlncloset: y/n l/n does not belong to you because, mainstream media and parties do... - callmeadefender: She's literally the most charming of all of the ladies in that boat 💀
babyohh: to be a fly on the wall during that yacht ride.
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next part>>
thanks for the support guys. pt. 3 will focus on the yacht ride.
IDEAS FOR THE FUTURE ENDGAME ARE STILL OPEN, JUST BECAUSE THIS CHAPTER IS MAX AND DAN CENTRIC DOESN'T 100% MEAN THAT THOSE DRIVERS ARE ENDGAME.
#f1#formula 1#f1 fandom#formula one#f1 x reader#f1 imagine#f1 x y/n#f1 scenario#f1 fanfic#f1 angst#f1 smut#f1 fanfiction#f1 fiction#f1 fics#f1 fic#carlos sainz jr#carlos sainz x reader#carlos sainz x you#carlos sainz imagine#carlos sainz 55#carlos sainz x y/n#carlos sainz x female reader#carlos sainz jr x reader#carlos sainz jr x you#carlos sainz jr imagine#carlos sainz jr fanfic#carlos sainz jr smut#carlos sainz jr fluff#cs55#cs55 x reader
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Chapter 53 of human Bill Cipher not properly appreciating the fact that Mabel is his only friend on Earth:
Mabel has read a book about Bill's home dimension and is prepared to interrogate him all about where he comes from.
Bill is willing to do anything to avoid being interrogated.
(Featuring SEVEN illustrations, provided by 🌈 MABEL 💖)
####
Flatworld, from what Mabel had read, was probably literally the worst place to ever exist.
The book was a hundred pages of an old-fashioned formal-sounding super boring guy rambling on about the most egregiously evil society Mabel had ever had the horror of reading about.
Society consisted of a bunch of geometric shapes—which in concept sounded half nerdy and half adorable—but they'd made a brutally oppressive government organized by quantity of sides, with infinite-sided circles at the top and three-sided triangles at the bottom, and one-sided lines—women—oppressed into near silence. Career options, educational opportunities, who you could love, were all determined by your sides. Irregular shapes—quadrilaterals that weren't squares, triangles that weren't equilateral, anyone with a side too long or too short—were presumed from birth to be criminally insane. Each generation had sons with one more side than their father—and they had to, because having higher-ranked sons was the only way families could climb out of poverty. When babies were born with too few or irregular sides, poor families abandoned them—or worse—and rich families put them through oft-fatal bone-snapping surgeries to regularize or increase their sides. Knowledge of the third dimension was considered heretical, and anybody claiming it was real was locked in an insane asylum.
There was a lot of mathy stuff in the book about a square meeting a magical sphere and going on educational adventures to the higher and lower dimensions; but most of it passed by her in a blur. When she'd finished reading last night, Mabel had lay in bed for an hour, staring at the ceiling, trying not to think about dead baby shapes and fighting the urge to wake Bill up just so she could hug him; until she'd finally drifted off and woken up in her own bed.
At least, thank goodness, the bit about banning colors so lower shapes couldn't contour themselves to look like higher shapes was false. But she was sure that at least part of the story was true. And it had happened to somebody she knew. It was a lot to process.
So she processed it the way she usually did the stories that weighed on her: by creating a self-insert and pulling out her art supplies.
####
"You're drawing fan art of Flatworld?" Bill asked warily.
"I wouldn't call it fan art. I'd say it's more of a... thoughtful artistic critique. I don't think I'm a 'fan' of the second dimension," Mabel said. "No offense."
"Sure."
Mabel had designed a shapesona of herself: a pink heart with a rainbow-colored outline, a big sparkly eye, and skinny black stick limbs like Bill's. If, as Bill had said, colors weren't illegal, she didn't see any reason she couldn't be rainbow. The heart shape was maybe unconventional, but Bill hadn't said she couldn't be a heart yet, so she was sticking with it for now.
She'd honestly expected Bill to come over and interrogate her about her creation long before now. Usually, when she was doing art and he was unoccupied, he was hovering right by her, examining her work and dropping hints—some more subtle than others—that she should draw him next. But she hadn't immediately noticed when he'd silently drifted into the room, and she wasn't sure how long he'd been there before speaking up. He was still leaning on the wall, arms crossed, watching askance from halfway across the living room as Mabel worked with her crayons, as if she were playing with a chemistry set and he was trying to figure out if she was building a bomb.
"Is Flatworld really about your world?" Mabel asked. "Did you tell Edward Bishop Bishop all that stuff? With the circles and all the laws about shapes and stuff?"
Bill mulled over the question, staring into space. Mabel had never seen his face look so inexpressive before—at least, not since his first night as a captive, after he'd gotten all the screaming out and had looked too exhausted to feel. "We talked," he conceded. "I'm surprised you got your hands on it. I suppose Stanford brought it up."
Something in the back of her mind pricked up defensively—what was that supposed to mean, he was surprised she got her hands on it?—but she pushed it back down. "Yeah, he told me and Dipper about it when you guys got home yesterday," Mabel said. "But you brought it up to me first!"
"No I didn't. When?"
"A few weeks ago? You mentioned Edward Bishop Bishop."
"I don't remember that," Bill muttered. "I probably didn't think you'd make sense of it."
"Hey!"
"You didn't make sense of it! Ford had to tell you about it."
"Yeah, but—mean!" She shoved aside her drawing and started on another one, grumbling, "I could've made sense of it if I'd looked it up."
What was up with Bill today? He wasn't usually this much of a jerk. To her. Lately. Plus, she thought they'd really had a moment yesterday! But Bill had had a rough couple days. Maybe he was just tired and cranky.
A wiser person might just leave well enough alone. But a wiser person wasn't exploding in their brain with curiosity about just how bad Bill's life had really been. There was something itching at the back of her head, had been itching since she'd woken up—something about Bill, something important, she was sure of it—but she couldn't quite put together what it was. She just needed to talk to Bill long enough to figure it out.
"So..." She glanced up from filling in a shape yellow, "were lines really executed if they didn't make noises all the time so everyone always knew where they were and they couldn't sneak up and stab anyone?"
Bill scoffed, rolling his eyes, as if the very idea was stupid. "It wasn't that extreme. Making a peace cry is like a human saying 'coming through' when they're trying to squeeze past somebody. Lines are just taught to do it in public because it's easier not to see a line, that's all."
"If they didn't, were they executed...?"
"No. They were just rude."
That was a relief. Mabel had been worried for her fellow ladies. She was plenty noisy, but she didn't think she could remember to make constant sound any time she was around other people. She turned back to coloring her newest drawing, but watched Bill out of the corner of her eye. "Is it true that rich people killed almost all of their babies by giving them surgery to break their sides?"
The corner of Bill's mouth curled in a sneer. "Do I look like a pediatric surgeon?"
"Um." Not a welcome question. She tried to backtrack to something softer. "So, in the second dimension, the outside of your body is just your outline and your guts are everything inside the outline, right?"
He gave her a wary look. "Yeah."
"So your bow tie is basically in your stomach."
Bill sucked in a deep breath; but quickly caved in to the need to be the most correct person in the room. "More like around my esophagus, but. Sure."
"So, where did you wear it when you were back in the second dimension? Was it on your side? Did you have to wear two so people could see them from both sides—"
"I didn't need a bow tie then."
Mabel stared at him. "What do you mean, you didn't 'need' it? What do you need it for now?"
Bill ignored the question. "You know, I didn't think Flatworld was an interesting enough book to deserve this much attention! Especially not from you. You like fun stories." It felt oddly like he was criticizing her for having read it.
"Well—yeah, but it's about your home! That makes it fun!"
Bill raised his brows.
"Right? Doesn't it?"
"Kid." Bill laughed condescendingly. "Don't give me that. You read an entire book. In the summer. About math. With a downer ending where the narrator goes insane and gets locked up. That's some people's idea of a fun time, but I know it's not yours."
Maybe "fun" was the wrong word—but it was still important. She was glad she'd read it. She'd cared about it. She'd cared enough to know Bill was describing it wrong. "That's not what happened. The square got locked up because he kept telling everybody the third dimension's real."
"Like I said! He went insane!"
"But he's not insane. Everyone says he is, but he's right about the third dimension! It's everyone else who's stupid!"
"So what," Bill said. "The things he knows mean he'll never be able to see the world the way other shapes do, and no matter what he does he'll never be happy with his home. If that's not insanity, what is?"
Last year, she'd heard Bill agree when Gideon called him insane. She'd always wondered. "Is that why you're insane?"
Bill shot Mabel a furious look. That was the wrong thing to say. "Shooting Star—"
(Oh no, she thought, he's using my full name.)
"—what's with the third degree." Bill crossed the room to lean on the other side of the table. He gave her the guarded glare of a guilty suspect facing down a cop in an interrogation room—and trying to figure out whether he could kill the cop before he was stopped. "What do you think you're trying to dig up?"
"I'm not trying to 'dig up' anything," Mabel said. "I just want to learn more about you!"
"Oh yeah, I'm sure you do! Who doesn't wanna know all about me! And right after I trusted you yesterday! Do you think you're the first person to start digging into my history? 'Hey, does anyone know what made Bill Cipher so crazy'?" Bill laughed bitterly. " You're not even the first Pines to try it. Not even the second."
"That's not what I'm trying to do!" said Mabel, right before it dawned on her that that was exactly what she was trying to do.
"Right. I'm sure whatever you learn will make a nice two-page spread in Journal 5. Another secret you and Fordsy can add to your Mysteries, huh? Think he'll draw the dead babies?"
She thought back to Portland—to asking Ford what had made Bill so awful. I think if anyone’s ever had a chance of finding out what made him like he is, it might be you. Mabel shook her head. No. She didn't want to be that. "I'm not Grunkle Ford's spy, I'm your friend. I just—I just want to understand you—"
"Yeah, and the 'friends' who understand you are the most dangerous kind." Bill laughed harshly. "Your uncle and brother couldn't figure me out! And Sixer's been trying for years! So what makes you think YOU can?"
He was calling her stupid. He'd been calling her stupid all day. That was why he was so surprised she'd read the book.
"You—shut up!" She wadded up her latest drawing and flung it in Bill's face. (He snatched out of midair.) "All I did was read a book I thought was important to you, you jerk! I thought you'd like that!"
She hadn't meant for that waver to enter her voice. But she was exhausted from too little sleep and worrying about dead baby shapes and worrying about Bill's fear of death and worrying about what Ford had said about not giving Bill a second chance, and now Bill was being a jerk, and maybe he was just exhausted and upset too, but he was treating her like she was stupid—and there was that pathetic little waver.
But it made Bill pause in his onslaught; for a moment, he averted his gaze. Still, he said, "Maybe if you'd thought to ask—"
"You were asleep! I was being nice! And letting you sleep! In my bed!"
"But—"
"Just go away!" She pointed at the doorway.
Bill's face hardened again. "Fine!" He flung his hands in the air and stomped from the room. "Who wants to hang out with you when you're in such a bad mood, anyway."
Mabel glared at her stupid drawings so she didn't have to watch Bill's stupid back as he left.
Why had she bothered?
When Bill was out of sight, she dropped back onto her chair, pulled her sweater over her face, crossed her arms on the table, and buried her head in them.
####
Bill didn't think to smooth out the paper Mabel had flung at him until he was out of the room.
On one side she'd drawn Bill—properly triangular—with an expression that he thought was supposed to be fear and on the other side several angry-looking shapes, pentagons and hexagons, colored gray and black, being led by a pale figure shaped like a human skull and wielding a scythe; and between them, a bright pink heart, standing in front of Bill protectively, hands on its "hips," glaring down the would-be assailants.
The corners of Bill's mouth sagged down.
####
The bell rang and the shapes began filing out of class, muttering to each other about how they thought they'd done on the test. As the triangle cheerfully left the room, the teacher caught him by the arm again to pull him over. "Just a minute," she said. "I want a word with you."
Oh, he bet she did. Breezily, he said, "Sure thing! What is it?"
"Who was the first triangular president?"
"Wh— Th—" He spluttered indignantly. "There's been like—seven of them."
"Nine. And I'm only asking about the first one."
"How should I know!"
"You knew an hour ago."
He sputtered again. "That was— That was a multiple choice test! And it was an hour closer to when I'd studied! And I can focus better in the classroom! You can't expect me to remember anything in the hallway. You're using intimidation tactics. How could anyone focus under these conditions—"
"I don't know what you're doing," the teacher said, "or how you're doing it. Maybe I never will. But..." She sighed, and the anger seemed to leak out of her, and that only made him more nervous. "But whatever you're doing—you won't be able to do it forever. What will you do when you're out in the real world and you didn't learn anything in school?"
Her pity was worse than being hated had been. At least when he was hated, he knew she only looked down on him because she had something against him. What did he do with pity? With concerned warnings about the "real world"? He'd never heard anybody use the phrase "the real world" as anything but a threat. He hoped he was never out in the real world.
"Who cares! I'll never need any of this!" He should have shut up there. He didn't: "You're just jealous that me and my family make a million times more lying to everyone than you'll ever get trying to teach them the truth!"
His teacher gasped in shock; but before she could say anything, he was halfway down the hall with no intention of slowing down.
The next day, he stayed home, and his mom visited the principal. The day after that, he had a new teacher.
####
He was stupid. He knew that. He didn't know when he'd gotten stupid—if it was because he'd started touring so much and missing classes, or if he'd always been dumb and just didn't notice it before he registered just how often he was using his all-seeing eye to pick up answers that other kids couldn't see. It had crept up on him. But there it was. He was stupid, and he was too stupid to figure out what to do about it.
There was a big difference between being able to see everything, and actually knowing anything. And he might be all-seeing, but an idiot like him would never be all-knowing.
####
A trillion years later, he still didn't remember the name of the first triangular president. And look how far he'd gotten without it.
Lunch was toast and peanut butter. The toaster was the only source of heat he could use without having to ask his captors for access; and peanut butter and bread were the most nutritious foods he could reach without asking his captors to open a cabinet or fridge. He was sick of toast and peanut butter.
He wasn't about to ask Mabel to help him get lunch.
Well. He'd succeeded. He'd known just the right thing to say to get Mabel to lay off and drop the topic. Did he feel accomplished?
He stared out the window as he ate—there were hazy gray clouds on the horizon, beyond the trees, slowly inching closer—and he tried not to look at the picture Mabel had flung at him.
####
Mabel felt dumb about being upset that Bill thought she was dumb.
Because of course he did. Sure, he liked her art and he liked dance music and games without rules; sure, he was a willing student when it came to stuff like making friendship bracelets or artistically mixing sprinkles; sure, he was a weirdo fun guy; but he was also a Smarty McSmartypants, just like Dipper or Ford. And Mabel was the Girl Dipper who brought home C's. And even a weirdo fun Smarty wouldn't want to hang out for long with someone who couldn't keep up with nerd talk. He probably just... put up with her for as long as he could stand pretending he took her seriously, but he'd finally lost his patience...
And shown his true, jerky colors again.
Maybe Ford and Dipper were right about him; maybe he couldn't really change.
Except... there was something he'd said. And right after I trusted you yesterday. When he'd cried in front of her. When he'd told her about his fear of death.
He was being a jerk because he thought she'd betrayed him. But by reading a book?! Why couldn't he ever just explain himself? Did he think whatever was bothering him was obvious, and she was stupid for not figuring it out?
Something she almost but didn't quite remember thudded like a drum inside her brain. Dum-dum-dum. Dum-dum-dome.
From the entryway, Bill called, "Hey, star girl. I—"
He stopped in the doorway. Mabel had taped 28 pieces of paper together, drawn on a door knob, written "DOOR" at the top, and taped it across the doorway into the living room. Irritably, Bill said, "It doesn't work like that. This is obviously paper."
"Bill," Mabel grumbled. "Go away."
"No. I'm gonna say something to you."
He didn't phrase that like he was giving her a choice in the matter; but all the same, she said, "I don't wanna hear it."
"You know that horror story about a bride with a velvet ribbon tied around her neck, and her head falls off and rolls down the stairs when her husband unties it?"
She did. She and Dipper had read a book of scary stories to each other on Halloween a few years ago while waiting for it to be late enough to go trick-or-treating. In spite of herself, he'd piqued her curiosity. She reluctantly turned to look at him. "Yeah? So?"
Bill was leaning in the doorway, head tilted against the doorframe so he could see Mabel around the paper door curtain. "That's why I wear a bow tie."
Mabel blinked. "Wait—if you didn't, your head would fall off? What part of you is your head? How did it come off? Were you decapitated? Did you get decapitated for knowing about the third dimension—?"
"It doesn't keep my head on; it keeps my skin on."
Mabel's nose wrinkled. "Gross! How?"
"Remember how you said my outline is my skin and all my organs are inside the outline," Bill said. "That didn't change when we left the second dimension! We had to get exoskeletons on our top and bottom sides so solids like you can't stick you fingers in our guts. My bow tie keeps it tied in place."
"Whoa." So that was why they hadn't seen Bill's organs before. "Do you ever take it off?"
"Mostly when I'm eating!" He knocked on the doorframe. "So can I come in now?"
Of course. He'd been using information to buy his way back into her good graces. (No—that was what somebody who didn't think Bill deserved a second chance would think. He was making up for earlier by answering one of her questions about him.)
She took a deep breath, turned to face Bill, and said, "You didn't talk to me like a friend earlier."
"I—" Bill grimaced, looked at the ceiling for help, and conceded, "I mean—It's how I talk to my friends, but all right, I know you're not used to that—"
"Nobody should be used to that!" Mabel said. "What would Love Bunny say?"
"Wh—?! I— Th— You—" His voice cracked as it jumped higher, "What do I care what a cartoon rabbit thinks about—"
"What. Would. She. Say."
Bill's face screwed up in agony. He crossed his arms. "Ugh."
"Biiill?"
Eyes squeezed shut, Bill said, "She'd say my breath smells like I've been eating mean beans."
"Aaand?"
"I'm not going to say it. I won't say it."
"And you need to eat your nice rice!"
Bill let out a long, slow sigh.
"Say it!"
"This is my penance," Bill muttered toward his feet. "This is my penance. This is fair." He took a breath. "And... I need to eat my nice rice."
Mabel nodded. He'd confessed his sins.
"I think we're out of nice rice," Bill said, "but I've had the peanut butter of kindness and the toast of remorse. Good enough?"
She considered it. "Yeah. You can come in."
Bill batted aside the paper door curtain and ducked into the room.
He sat across the table from Mabel and set down the paper she'd chucked at him amongst her others. Mabel glanced at the drawing, embarrassed of it now; but Bill didn't say anything about it.
He just propped his cheek against his hand and started looking over her other art.
Mabel sat there with her hands under her legs, watching his spotlight eyes rove over the table, feeling like she was waiting for a teacher to grade a poster she'd made for class. He saw a stop sign red octagon in sunglasses that was labeled "Bill's parole officer" and snorted. She wasn't sure if it was an amused snort or a derogatory snort. His gaze stopped on her attempt to figure out how Flatworlder anatomy worked, and didn't move farther. She'd probably gotten everything wrong, hadn't she?
She couldn't stand waiting for him to pass judgment on her art. "You think they look dumb, don't you."
Bill took a moment to reply. He didn't look up from her drawings. "I don't think you're dumb, Shooting Star."
"You think I'm dumber than Dipper and Grunkle Ford."
Bill winced. "I don't." At her dubious look, Bill amended, "Only Stanford! And that barely counts, all humans are dumber than Stanford. It doesn't mean I think you're dumb-dumb"
"Could've fooled me," Mabel muttered.
"You bet! I'm good at fooling people. All I have to do is say things I don't mean that make people feel the way I want." His voice was flat and matter-of-fact. "I wanted you to feel like the conversation wasn't worth it. That's all."
She stared at him. "By letting me know you think I'm stupid?!" She chucked a crayon at his face. "You could have just told me you didn't want to talk about Flatworld!" Her voice was getting that stupid waver again. "If I'd known, I would have dropped it! I didn't want to upset you!"
"I wasn't upset, it's just a stupid thing to complain about! It's just a dumb book! It'd—it'd take a real loser to be bothered by talking about a dumb book! I'm not..." He sighed harshly. "I know you weren't trying to get on my nerves, kid. It'd mess up your sticker chart." (Mabel hadn't even realized he knew about her sticker chart.) Almost inaudibly, he added, "M'sorry."
She'd never heard him apologize before.
She let out a slow breath. "Biiill. I don't think you're a loser."
He muttered something she couldn't make out as he flipped his hood on and pulled it down over his burning face. "Forget it. Move on. It's in the past!"
"If you're so embarrassed—"
"Not embarrassed!"
She chucked another crayon at his chest. "Then why are you telling me this now?"
Bill shut his eyes; took a deep breath; and, with a look of solemn dignity, and no small amount of pain, he said, "Because. Teddy Tender says. Our friends can't help us feel better if we don't tell them why we feel bad." He almost, almost managed to say it without sounding sarcastic.
Mabel burst out laughing. Bill pulled his hood lower.
Bill didn't even like Teddy Tender—he thought he was the stick in the mud of the Color Critters—and he certainly wasn't actually trying to follow Teddy's friendship lessons. He was just... saying something he didn't mean to make Mabel feel the way he wanted. And he wanted her to feel better.
No matter what anyone else said, he could change. And he was changing.
"Apology accepted," Mabel said. "Gold star!" She peeled one off a nearby sticker sheet and held it out.
Bill eyed it, like a man so hungry he was too nauseous to eat eyeing a pizza; and then snatched it from her and stuck it in the middle of his hoodie.
Mabel said, "And... I guess I'm sorry for getting all diggy about your home world." Even if she hadn't known it was bothering him, she probably should've guessed, shouldn't she? With how crabby he'd gotten. "I just got all excited and curious and... kinda worried about you after reading that book?" She sighed. "I understand if you don't wanna talk about it. You probably hated your dimension."
"What? He lurched forward with the vehemence of his denial—"Of course I don't hate my dimension!" Mabel leaned away at the sudden rage that had flared up in his eyes; but it died just as quickly and Bill immediately reeled himself back in, sitting back, crossing his arms: "I mean, come on, kid, use your head: you read a book about a culture. We're talking about an entire dimension. Would you hold a grudge against Jupiter if an ant bit you on Earth?"
Even as casually as he played it off, Mabel was sure he hadn't meant anything as calm and measured as claiming it was technically irrational to hate an entire dimension. He meant—emphatically, with his whole heart behind it—that he didn't hate his home dimension, at all.
Then why didn't he want to talk about it? (Then why had he destroyed it? Or was not hating it just another fiction he'd made up because he'd prefer that reality? Or was the destruction itself a lie? He hadn't mentioned it once since they'd started talking about Flatworld. Or did he think she didn't know about that and didn't want her to know? Or...)
Something had been churning in her subconscious since she woke up, and now—watching Bill ball up around himself as he squirmed around the things he didn't want to say—it finally dawned on her. Two words. Another piece of the Axolotl's poem. She tried to hold the words in her head until she could write them down, repeating them over and over—Misses home. Misses home.
Quietly, she asked, "Then... don't you want to remember it?"
His face spasmed, like it was nearly cracking in two—and then smoothed out. His face was blank. He didn't answer for a moment. "The last time I told a human more than two sentences about where I'm from... he gave me the universe's most depressing geometry textbook."
Oh. Maybe Bill was following Teddy Tender's friendship advice. "That's because you were talking to a boring old-timey math teacher, duh."
He laughed wryly. "You may have a point!"
If Bill assumed anybody prying into his history was either looking for the reason something was wrong with him, or publishing a whole book about the super bad parts... No wonder he hadn't wanted to talk to her. "So you didn't dislike Flatworld? You just dislike the book?"
Bill grimaced. "Did you read Eddie's biography?"
"No?"
####
As soon as he'd buckled himself into his seat for the drive to Northwest Manor, Dipper read the summary on the back cover of Flatworld, and then the paragraph-long author biography underneath it:
Edward B. Bishop, born in 1838 in England, was an accomplished mathematician, writer, theologian, and closet occultist, as well as a professor at the esteemed University of Fancyton. He published twelve books, the last of which was Flatworld in 1884. After sentencing his square protagonist to a two-dimensional asylum for preaching of the existence of the third dimension, he himself succumbed to an ironically similar fate: three months after publication, he was committed to an asylum for insisting that two-dimensional alien invaders intended to conquer the Earth and were persecuting him for revealing their existence, a delusion he maintained until his death from sleep deprivation in 1886. His most enduring legacy is inventing the margarita glass, which he claimed came to him in a dream.
Dipper hissed between his teeth. "Ouch."
####
"Never mind, don't worry about it," Bill said. "But no. I didn't like the book."
"You poor thing! All this time you've been homesick for the second dimension, but the only things humans talk about is the bad stuff!"
"Don't call me that."
"Do you want to talk about the non-depressy stuff instead? Like..." Mabel wracked her brain for something nice she'd read in the book. She winced. "Uh... I'm sure there's something. You could choose the topic?"
Bill didn't look directly at her. He just looked over all her drawings again. "Tell me why you want to know so badly."
It was basically the same question he'd asked earlier—what's with the third degree—but his tone was different. Mabel swallowed hard and repeated, "Because... I'm your friend. It's crazy that we've been friends for like a month and I barely know a-ny-thing about who you are or how you grew up! By now, I'd usually know about a friend's family, favorite subject, favorite animal, opinion on glitter, and biggest life dream! Plus all the stuff humans have in common—like, 'do you breathe?'"
This time, Bill didn't argue with her answer. (He could have called her a liar. A month ago, she had just been trying to find out what was wrong with him. But this version of the truth she'd made up was better.) "You already know I'm pro-glitter in all contexts and my life's work is to throw an eternal party. What else really matters?"
"Those are the two most important questions," Mabel said seriously. Tentatively, she asked, "Did you have glitter in the second dimension?" He'd already reassured her that they'd had color, but it was hard to imagine glitter in such a bleak world.
"Sure."
Mabel heaved a sigh of relief. "Oh, thank goodness."
She looked around at the morning's art production, pulled over the first drawing she'd done of her shapesona, and grabbed a bottle of glue to draw a thin line around the heart.
Bill watched as Mabel carefully sprinkled several separate colors of glitter on the line of glue, like a master chef adding a precise amount of spice to a gourmet recipe, to create a glitter rainbow gradient; and then he slowly sat up and leaned toward the table again. "So, who's this freak?"
Mabel gave him an exasperated look. She decided he'd meant "freak" neutrally; but she'd clearly labeled the heart "ME IN FLATWORLD," she thought it was pretty obvious who this freak was.
But Bill cheerfully went on, "He's the most hideously disfigured shape I've ever seen."
"Hey!"
"I'm not joking, it hurts to look at this guy. At least he's symmetrical, but woof."
"She's not a guy! She's supposed to be me in Flatworld," Mabel insisted. "She's a powerful lady and I think she's beautiful." She paused. "Can a heart be a girl?" Lines looked boring, but Flatworld said that girls were all lines and all other shapes were boys. (Or were they? When they'd talked at the mall, Bill had been very clear that he considered himself a triangle instead of male or female, which scuttled the "all polygons are male" concept. Maybe Edward Bishop Bishop had made that part up?)
"She can be anything she wants," Bill said firmly. "I don't see any gender cops around here, do you?"
Good point. "And when there's no cops around, anything's legal."
Bill laughed. "Hey, I like that."
"Grunkle Stan says it!"
"Wise man." Bill leaned forward further across the table and tapped a finger on the deep cleft at the top of the heart. "Personally, I'm more worried about that agonizing-looking birth defect. I'm surprised she survived past infancy!"
Mabel glared at him, but she supposed she couldn't argue. A heart was a pretty irregular shape. And according to Flatworld, almost all irregular shapes were executed in childhood or else imprisoned in adulthood, since they thought irregular shapes would grow up to be depraved, imbecilic criminals—
"Wait," Mabel said. "Wait. Last year, when I called you an isosceles freak—"
Bill cut in, "It was 'monster,' but go on!"
"Was that, like..." Mabel's voice dropped to a whisper, "a slur on Flatworld?"
Bill fought to keep his face straight as he decided how to respond. He went for the funniest answer. "Yes."
Mabel clapped her hands over her mouth and squeaked, "Nooo!"
"It's actually pretty impressive a human managed to come up with it!"
"I'M SORRYYY, augh I didn't know!"
Over her anguished whines, Bill went on, "It's just a good thing you didn't say 'scalene'! I would've had to wash your mouth out with drain cleaner!"
Mabel had pulled the collar of her sweater over her face. From within Sweater Town, she asked, "Was that the first thing I ever said to you?"
Bill choked back a laugh. "Yeah, it was."
She squealed in embarrassment and slid under the table.
"Heck of a first impression, star girl!"
"i'm sorryyy."
Bill reached under the table to pat the top of her head. "Ahhh, it was funny. Get up here."
As she climbed back into her seat, Bill added, "I'm getting back at you now, I'm not done making fun of your medical miracle yet. You know what she'd look like as a human? A headless, neckless body with an eyeball shoved six inches down her esophagus." He paused thoughtfully. "Actually... that sounds kinda cute."
"Eww, Bill."
"It is, it's cute. Like a clumsy puppy with a neurological disorder! I guess that's how the hideous Miss Heart here must look to humans!"
Mabel looked over her art again, wondering if she should change her shapesona, considering Bill's reaction to it.
So, maybe she was creating a freak. She didn't see any shape cops around here. She kept drawing. "I'd be fine," she said. "You like weird freaks! You'd keep me safe."
A stricken look crossed his face. He was momentarily silent as he watched Mabel start another picture. And then, as though he were only considering it for the first time, he said, "Yeah. I guess I would."
His gaze drifted to the wrinkled picture of Mabel's shapesona standing protectively in front of Bill. "Freaks can't afford to tear each other down."
####
(THIS is the chapter that's been giving me hell the last few weeks. Months. Last few months. I'm so glad to finally have it out, and I hope y'all enjoyed!! This chapter probably brings up a lot more questions than it actually answers—and completely different questions based on whether or not you've read Flatland lol—so I can't wait to hear what y'all think.)
#bill cipher#human bill cipher#mabel pines#gravity falls#gravity falls fic#gravity falls fanart#fanart#my art#my writing#bill goldilocks cipher
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The problem with the concept that there are trans men who don’t have male privilege is that it seems to imply that there are trans women who DO have it, which is a concept that is widely agreed to be unequivocally transmisogynistic. Any rebuttal for this?
My rebuttal is; I know trans women who have lived in my house and sat on my couch and watched movies and played videogames with me who have told me to my face that they did receive male privilege on a similar incredibly conditional, individual, and situational basis similar to how I am describing for trans men, how it relied on the closet and total stealth, and very aware they had to be of the line they were toeing, and how much worse they are treated now that they are out and transitioning, and how afraid they are to say it because of rabid people online who are looking for any excuse whatsoever to hurt them when they deal with that enough in their everyday lives.
I am forever reminded of this older interview (mid-90s early 2000s I think) of transgender Japanese citizens and this one person who was probably what we would call a trans woman. And, like my butch friend, was trapped in a situation in which there was absolutely zero room to breathe. They were amab, married to a woman with multiple children, working as a businessman to support the family. They said how they always felt like a woman on the inside, and how they knew that could never be a reality for them, so they didn't see much point in pursuing anything because it would break their family apart. The only thing they could do was make various cute needlework girly things during their daily commute to and from work. They had some cover story for their wife that they were buying them from a shop for their daughters or something.
Do you think that this person, who is perceived by everyone around them to be a cis man for several decades, does not benefit from male privilege in any way despite probably not actually being a man? Do you understand what I'm talking about when I say that this is a topic that needs to be discussed with far more delicacy and nuance than "man privilege woman not privilege"?
Do you think that all of the accounts of trans women out there saying "when I came out and started identifying as and passing for a woman, people suddenly started treating me much worse" and "I frequently have to boymode because otherwise my life is too dangerous" aren't discussions of exactly what I'm talking about?
Privilege is a tricky, complicated thing. It's also something bigoted society bestows upon you, and not a moral critique of your own existence. TERFs and MRAs both have poisoned the well, but that's not a reason to completely disregard the much-needed grace that has to be had during these conversations.
Personally I think any trans person's experience with "male privilege" is shakey at best and entirely contingent on a wide number of factors that you can't just point at their gender and say yes or no. I think it's way more complicated than that. And I don't think anyone is lesser for having or not having it, either. Gender is a morally neutral thing. Gender presentation is a morally neutral thing. It is okay to exist. It's okay to have a complicated existence.
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Chapter Ten and the Epilogue are out!
Hey everyone!
This announcement is basically just what it says on the tin. You can now play the last part of the game. Here's the link if you don't have it handy.
I don't think there are any particular content warnings for this one other than Zeus existing, but my brain is kind of scrambled eggs right now, so if I've forgotten something, please let me know.
I feel like I should have some thoughts here about actually being finished with the game, but either because of the brain-eggs thing or because I still have a lot of editing to do, it's hard to think of myself as done.
Just a few things I've been getting questions about clarified in one place:
FoA's first draft will remain where it is, as it is, complete and free, until I submit the edited version for publication. I estimate this will be about three months, (so until March 1, 2024), but can't say that for sure.
The second draft will bring about substantive changes both from a game design standpoint (various systems) and a character standpoint (some pacing things are going to change, particularly with the romances that probably should be a little bit faster paced than they are. A smidge.)
I may or may not be doing a closed beta test for the second draft. That's not me being coy, that's me genuinely not knowing if I will.
There will be one sequel. I will begin working on it immediately after FoA is submitted for publication.
If you want to follow the editing process, I will probably be summarizing my progress monthly here, but I will be going into much more detail and previewing the edits on my Patreon. No pressure ever; that's just an option if you'd like to see more or support me as I go.
Thank you, everyone, for your support, critiques, and suggestions. They've already made FoA a much better game than it would have been without you, and I'm looking forward to getting the chance to take more of them on board as I move through this next part of things.
I hope you enjoy.
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