#they are divorced and cannot stop fighting each other but they do agree on not letting Ros die

[bigmoon-is-bigwife]

Sneeg was going to hunt Pili down but Pili logged out soon after killing Ros the second time. He instead showed Ros an insanely powerful attack that instantly kills mobs and could kill even a fully geared player in a few hits. He said he feels that if he can't be around to protect Ros then he wants Ros to have a way to protect herself. He clearly feels really bad about Ros dying twice today and he's pissed at people targeting her when she's alone

[paintedvanilla]

Hi! Sorry if you’ve already answered this, but what inspired your takes on Jack’s extended family in your fics?

hi!! sorry it took me so long to answer this ask, i was going to wait to answer it until i finished my most recent fic, but then i posted that and i just. didn't have the energy. so!! hi!!

i don't really have a specific source of inspiration for my choices about the narrator's extended family. i've always enjoyed writing ensemble stuff. i think my decisions for the narrator's family dynamics were based on my own interpretations of his characterization and influenced by my own biases and probably other various subconscious trains of thought happening in my brain. but nevertheless here's a breakdown of each decision!!

his mother: the narrator was raised by a single mom from the age of six onward, that much is obvious from the source material. i mostly work off of the film, because i've watched it so many times its details are more readily available for me to recall. i get the sense that his mom is no nonsense but also a bit of a pushover when she doesn't feel like putting up a fight, which is often. she was not the most attentive but that's not entirely fair to say because she was a single mom. i think the narrator's family was quite poor growing up, especially once his dad left, and she was working to support him and his sister. i think she's relatively soft spoken and quite reserved.

his father: obviously for this one i had way more of a base to work with, just based on the way the narrator talks about his dad in the film and the book. he's an asshole. he doesn't really give a fuck about the narrator. i do believe the narrator and his sister were this man's first kids. he did not marry their mother. he's never married any of the women he gets involved with. i think he's a scumbag. the narrator is, actually, genuinely, his only son. all his other kids are girls, which i think plays a huge factor in when he skips town. it has to do both with when the woman he's involved with starts to become boring to him, and when the oldest daughter he's fathered from this particular woman starts to like. become conscious and develop a personality. The whole:

"Often father and daughter look down on mother (woman) together. They exchange meaningful glances when she misses a point. They agree that she is not bright as they are, cannot reason as they do. This collusion does not save the daughter from the mother’s fate."

the sister: i chose for the narrator to have a sister, particularly an older sister, because i examined his character and something about me just led me to the conclusion that he FEELS like a younger brother to an older sister. she's about two years older than him. she's really good at pretending to enjoy herself. where the narrator utilizes apathy as a coping mechanism for the Everything about being alive, his sister swings hard in the other direction and uses enthusiasm and toxic positivity. i have more i'd like to explore with her, i think she definitely has the capacity to be more insane, and i think the narrator would love to see that. they have a relationship where, as soon as she was old enough to talk endlessly about any given subject, she would use the narrator as an audience. especially when they were teenagers. she could talk at him for hours while he sat in silence and afterwards she'd be like, "ok good talk" and he'd just give her a thumbs up. he knows she'll be back, same time tomorrow. it doesn't bother him. and i think he does listen, sometimes, halfway, he retains some of the details. after he moved for his job, she would call him and continue to do the same thing, and he didn't mind because he doesn't have a lot else going on. he doesn't have any friends. no one else is calling him. she stopped doing it after she got married because now she had a husband to subject to this, but now that she's getting divorced i think the narrator will be hearing from her more. also, he walked her down the aisle at her wedding. and five minutes before he did this, he told her that if she didn't want to go through with it, he'd help her leave her fiance at the alter. she played it off like he was making a bad joke, but he was being 100% dead serious.

the brother-in-law: i made the decision for the brother in law to just be fucking. lame. because i thought it would be funny if the narrator's sister is married to just like. the pinnacle of everything the narrator never wants to be. like, the narrator is also lame, but at least the narrator is having good sex and is getting the shit beat out of him on the regular and doesn't actually believe in any of the mission statements of his company. the bil is like the polar opposite of tyler, and the narrator thinks no one should settle for less. he's always hated his bil, has a vague inclination that his sister deserves better, but is still consumed by apathy so has never really done anything about it.

the nephew: the nephew is probably the least developed out of everyone here, which is really ironic because my idea for his character is basically that. he has a lot of the same ambitions that the narrator and his sister originally had, but is putting more of the sister's energy into it. that is, until he gets to college and completely fucking spins out. he drops out after one semester and becomes addicted to smoking weed. he'd be a walking panic attack otherwise. i think he made himself so sick about what he wanted to do with his life he just gave up. now he works at a smoke shop and is almost always high.

the niece, aka danny: i have to thank @rabbitmotifs for really pushing me into developing this little menace. when i first wrote "the idolatry of suburbia" i wanted to keep everything really light and vague because i was not ready to come to terms with the fact that these are technically oc's. but holly really pushed me into evolving danny's personality until i was eventually brave enough to pick out a name for her and employ it. you can fit so much lore into this kid. danny thinks her uncles hung the fucking moon, tyler durden is her favorite person in the universe, even after he snapped at her in my most recent fic. danny definitely has more inclinations towards batshit insane behavior and she indulges them without really questioning them, so when she's with her uncles she doesn't feel ostracized for just being herself. she loves these men. and she's definitely got some gender things going on. if you see her emulating tyler's portrayals of masculinity, no you didn't (she'll get embarrassed).

and as an extra special bonus, tyler's people:

tyler's mom aka mable durden: listen i was really pondering my orb for this one and it just came to me like a fucking premonition. i disregard everything tyler says in the movie about "his" family, i think these are just projections of the narrator's relationships, so tyler is practically a blank slate. and the idea that tyler never knew his father at all, that he was abusive towards his mother so she left him before he was even born, that durden is his mother's maiden name?? oh that shit made me fucking bonkers. i didn't know how to handle it when the thought first occurred to me. tyler gets ALL his mannerisms from his mother, he siphoned like his whole personality off of her. she's The cigarette mom of all time. i think she could be very mean, but it's because she was over worked and poor and dead fucking tired all the time. she loved tyler a lot. she was the type who interpreted "physical affection with your kids" as "roughhousing" and this obviously influenced tyler in many many ways. she's the reason the way he shows love and affection is not through words but through actions and physical affection. she's also the reason he's addicted to nicotine. and i do believe she was a chronic complainer of her son being taller than her.

sam: ok i'll be totally completely honest i read "the parts of your hand grenade heart" by @grave-the-demon and i was BOMBARDED with the "tyler having a sister" spores. i added sam into my draft of "every man you've ever been" VERY late in the writing process. but i didn't want to just. steal the dynamic away from grace so i changed my answer a little bit so i wouldn't be accused of plagiarism. sam is like a sister to tyler. she's going to be his friend for his entire life, but he does not have such a connection to her that he can remain stationary for her. he'd only stay still in one spot for two people: his mother and the narrator. also, i need everyone to understand that sam is like. really hot. like she's so fucking strong and super fucking sexy in a Gay Woman type of way but the narrator has never been attracted to women a day in his life so he just doesn't perceive her as attractive so it never gets stated in the text. but please know this.

i'll be honest, i made the decision when writing "the idolatry of suburbia" to give the sister one boy and one girl because i didn't want the narrator to refer to anyone other than by their identifiers: my mom, my sister, my brother-in-law, my niece, my nephew. this continues in "every man you've ever been" whereas all the characters introduced in relation to tyler are given real names: mable durden, samantha hanes. and in "see me on the eight o'clock news" danny is only given a name when sam points out the presence of a relationship between her and tyler. sam mentions that danny seems more related to tyler than to the narrator, asks for her name, and it is immediately stated. prior, even in that fic, the narrator had only referred to her as "my niece" because i'm a creative writing student and i need to be playing 8D chess all the time.

anyway, that's my little spiel. thank you for coming to my ted talk.

[tiodolma]

Previously, I sent an AU with time travel + the accidental acquisition of baby Mordred + season 5 Merlin and Morgana + divorced parents dynamics + UST. 🤔 I was thinking... What if the accidental acquisition is of baby Arthur instead? Morgana time travels back in time to kill Uther, but doesn't realize she brought Merlin along for the ride (he's linked to her, being both her destiny and her doom).

Morgana kills Uther via poison and Merlin tries to stop her, but he's too late. Both proceed to argue about what she has done and throw spells to one another until baby Arthur makes an appearance. Gaius makes them responsible of Arthur (you killed the king, you deal with the consequences). In summary, prince Arthur grows up with passive aggressive foster parents with magic with a great ton of issues and maxed out UST. If and when that UST gets resolved, that's up to you. 😂

Arthur will be spoiled rotten by both of them lmaoo. They will make him read soooo many books. Morgana will teach him how to do politics and fight wars. At least MerMor will agree with each other on that aspect. There is increasing attraction and UST when their ideas match 😂. Bonus if by raising arthur they will both start to imagine what it would be like if they had a magical child aksjshjwsj (which brings them back to the mordred and aithusa question and then they fight again coz they’ll never get over it 😂). Then later cue teenage angst arthur coz he doesnt have 'gifts’ like his foster parents. I think Arthur will be a more okay king because of them at least XD

They’ll probably fall in bed while doing one of those heated fights about arthur, mordred and aithusa (they’re a mess). I can see that happening. Basically Merlin would be all 🥺🥺🥺🥺 when Morgana blurts out the truth about Aithusa in her frustration and rage and his whole attitude with her will shift 😏😏😏😏

But man the paradox this timeline will induce lmao

With Igrain and Uther dead and with the prince still a baby... that means the Purge will never start. Therefore, Nimueh and Balinor are still attending court. Magic is still alive and free in Camelot. The problem would be the civil unrest after the assasination of the monarch. So... who’s gonna show up and try to take the throne? I’m guessing Nimueh and Balinor would prolly fight it out? Morgana’s birth is probably secure coz the Duke of Cornwall wont have to go fight a war or smth. But the problem would be Merlin not being conceived if Balinor is a Camelotian courtier and his future mom is waaaay over farming in Ealdor. Unless Nimueh takes the throne and drives Balinor away (which is unlikely). Merlin would have to find a way to be conceived by his mother smh 😂... all the while raising a future prince with his sworn enemy from their own timeline 😂😂😂

This timeline also have the funny side effect of morgana and nimueh being in the same room as merlin. Imagine the bitchfights bruh. And Merlin, Morgana and Nimue would be of approx the same age. Morgana would be so insanely jealous of Nimueh’s confidence and merlin’s attraction to her and and vice versa. Maybe morgs will side with nimue bec ofc she will... or maybe not.. morgs cannot stand if anyone not her sits on the throne of camelot... she’s gonna bring nimueh down.. i just know it and... Omg yeah theyre gonna fight over merlin. All the while the Gaius x Alice storyline is happening in the background with a nice nimue x gaius x alice tension going on.

Arthur is gonna grow up with this political landscape and i shiver thinking abt it. Morgana would parade him around as hers and Merlin’s child in front of nimue and she’ll be extra flirty with merlin (holysht yep she’ll definitely seduce him to gain leverage over nimueh).

[donnabroadway]

Look at the consequence of my actions

I often read the anonymous threads on Reddit, Lipstick Alley, and Six Brown Chicks and I am more often than not, amazed at the level of delusion because it simply cannot be real. These people are often shocked at natural consequences of their actions and that the people in their lives are not chomping at the bit to defend them and have the nerve to tell them they were in the wrong, so they come to social media with a half truth story and fake accountability and very, rightfully, so get dragged worse online, on several websites by multiple platforms on each site, because people cannot believe that someone would have the audacity to do what they did and somehow believe they have any victimhood in what happened. If you steal from your job, it doesn't matter what's going on in your personal life, a natural consequence is being fired at best, arrested at worse. If you cheat on your wife, abuse drugs, and steal from her with your girlfriend, it's not farfetched to think that maybe she may have you and your girlfriend arrested and divorce you. If you are in someone's face, arguing back and forth, and contact is made, and you get into a tussle, don't be shocked when the court reviews the footage and finds it to be mutual combat and no one is at fault. If your son doesn't pass any classes and never shows up to school, don't be shocked when he fails and because you can no longer bully the school system into passing him, you run to the news to embarrass them and only embarrass yourself when few people seem to see what the school system did wrong, especially when they come through with documentation of your negligence and lack of involvement as a parent. You can't always bully and steamroll your, and your childs way, through life at some point, they'll meet the natural consequences of their actions.

I remember years ago, I got lost going to an internship and I was whining to the WMATA lady and she shushed me and said she didn't care about my story. She helped me but that's life. No one cares about your bad childhood, mental health issues, or any other excuse you may have. Your mother, your grandma, and maybe even a very forgiving partner are the only ones who will put up with you, and once they die, then what?

You bully people into submission and silence and when you can't bully, you manipulate and try to play on people's compassionate nature. And you always don't get a second chance because second chances, more than likely, lead to third and fourth chances and most smart people have learned to see the writing on the wall for what it is and will quickly cut their losses. They have learned to take a hint and pay attention to pink flags instead of letting the red flags fade and the sign wear out from flashing.

When you disrespect your child's teacher or any other authority figure, or adult, in favor of them, you teach your child that rules don't apply to them, to disregard boundaries, and that they can ignore or disrespect authority figures because mom will come save me and a natural consequence of that is you not having a village because no one is trying to fight with you because they told your child to stop jumping off the table and you don't want anyone discipling your child but when your child busts their head, you're on the internet crying about how everyone watched your child fall and they could have died and how family isn't family anymore and that you don't have a village, and now you're the victim and ignorant people are agreeing with you in the comments but you leave out how you didn't want anyone disciplining your child to the point that they're not even allowed to tell your child to stop or be careful like they would any other child but instead to come get you and how a natural consequence of that is people not wanting to be bothered with you and your child. These children fail to successfully launch in life because being taught to disrespect their first authority figures, other than their parents and family, often translates into disrespecting their bosses, other adults, or those in authority over them and therefore they cannot keep jobs, friends, relationships, or their spot in school or programs because no one is putting up with poor behavior from a spoiled adult child and jobs, program managers, heads of departments, and romantic partners and friends don't want to talk to you about your adult child's standing in the program or their job performance and fed up romantic partners don't want to field phone calls from mothers and grandmothers, that they barely tolerate, trying to bully or manipulate them into staying in relationships with manbabies or spoiled, lazy, disrespectful women. I'm not saying to allow your child to be disrespected but they are children and someone telling your child to be careful, to sit down in class, or follow rules shouldn't end with an argument or you cursing out the teacher. I fully believe, due to what is out there on social media and what was said by the mother of the six year old, that he shot his teacher because he felt disrespected when she told him to sit down during class and that boy is going to be a menace and his mother, and father who is seen on a probably now deleted video telling the boy about disrespect, will continue to make excuses all the way up to the courtroom, only he will be of age to have his own consequences. We need natural consequences for the actual, concrete children that are here and are still being raised and not healing for your inner child that hasn't existed in nearly 30 years. Grow up.

[wonderlandleighleigh]

Still doing prompts? Lenny, Mei, and Astrid forming an in-law subgroup.

The nice thing about being on small child duty is that no one tries to pick a fight with you at Thanksgiving dinner.

Which is why Lenny, Mei and Astrid are sitting in Moishe and Shirley's living room, watching Chaim and Lan play, while Lenny cradles Lily in his arms.

"This was the best idea," Mei tells Astrid. "You have the best ideas."

Astrid giggles a little as she settles on the floor to play with the boys. "I just thought it'd be a nice breather from all the Maisel/Weissman drama."

"A nice, quiet, pre-dinner Thanksgiving with the babies. It's fuckin' genius," Lenny agrees.

"And it keeps you away from Joel," Mei adds. "Which is good for me, because I really hate it when you two get all up in each others' faces. It's annoying."

"Believe me, I agree," Lenny grumbles. "Because it's usually him in my face."

"You don't exactly help things," Astrid points out, grinning a little.

"He makes it too easy," Lenny complains, as he grabs the bottle from the side table to feed Lily. "With his sour face and his confused nature, and then he's shitting to Midge and I just cannot help myself."

"You could try to be nicer," Mei points out.

"Him first."

"So mature," Mei teases.

"No, really, I always start out the these things nice, or at least silent," Lenny points out. "He starts shit and then I'm just supposed to take it?"

Astrid frowns a little. "Lenny, the s-word."

"Ah shit, sorry."

"Lenny!"

"Sorry!"

"I'll talk to Joel," Mei promises. "If the two of you can just not talk to each other, or look at each other..."

"I'll back off if he can stop givin' Midge such a hard time," Lenny tells her. "Seems like every since Lily was born back in August, he can't stop giving her sh-" He stops. "Crap."

"Better," Astrid praises.

"Thank you."

"He's so weirded out about Midge having a baby that's not his," Mei tells them. "And it's not weird. They've been divorced for a few years now, and we had Lan. It's only natural that Midge would move on. Have another baby if she wanted."

"Of course she would," Astrid says. "Midge is smart and pretty and funny, she was always going to find someone else and move on."

"He just never thought it would be with his comedy hero," Mei points out. "Former comedy hero."

"And now there's a little person with both our DNA," Lenny nods. "Gotta be a shock."

"An adorable, sweet, shock who still has new baby smell," Astrid coos as she leans up and pokes Lily in her nose.

Midge leans in and smiles at them tightly. "Dinner is ready."

Lenny glances at her and gets up, walking over. "Here, take this, she'll make you feel better," he tells her, handing their daughter to her and kissing Midge's cheek.

Midge relaxes a little, snuggling Lily in against her. "Thank you."

"At least there's turkey," Astrid says as she gets to her feet and lifts Chaim up.

"Lots of turkey," Mei adds, throwing Lan over her shoulder. "Let's get it over with."

[snifflesthemouse]

This morning, I read an article titled “I went undercover in the sinister world of Meghan Markle hate accounts" posted to Refinery 29. The title gives the impression of a journalist disguising one’s self as a “Meghan Markle hater” for the sake of getting to the bottom of something. However, the content of the article is nothing like its title.

Before I go further, let me stress the importance of perspective. My post isn’t an attack on the article’s author. I’ve never even heard of the author before now, and I’ve no right or reason to attack a perfect stranger because I vehemently disagree with the content of their work. Making assumptions about someone solely on what they write is lazy and sloppy in my opinion. I may be lazy and sloppy, but a hypocrite I try not to be. Therefore, go forward remembering my issues are with content, not creator.

The article starts out explaining the origins of the term “Megxit”. It continues with other hashtags, conspiracy theories, and so on. The article even mentions various media platforms “attacking" the Duchess, as well as crude posts witnessed by the author.

Then the name dropping begins. First with Murky Meg, then Sue Blackhurst, then According2Taz, then Skippyv20 on Tumblr, then Yankee Wally. Eventually, names of Royal Rota journalists are dropped. Then people like Angela Levin and Omid Scobie get mentioned, with interviews from the latter. Instead of an undercover sting, we get a “Who’s Who" of Megxit, a few anonymous Sussex Squad quotations, and Omid trying his best to be fair.

What this article accomplishes is very little when it comes to objectivity. The title is a misconception, and the content essentially paints targets on the backs of the people the author carelessly considers “Meghan Markle Haters". The article reduces anyone who disagrees with Meghan’s behavior as racist, misogynist, conspiracy theorist nutters. So, not only is the content of the article sloppy and lazy, it also lacks originality. We’ve all heard this sad song-and-dance number a million times.

I guess at face value, it becomes very easy, effortless really, for outsiders looking in to reduce an entire group of people with similar views to the basic stereotypes as old as time. It takes very little thought, consideration, or critical analysis, to assume things because they seem to correlate. But correlation is not causation. Just because some people opposing of Meghan Markle’s behavior happen to be racist doesn’t mean every single opposing person is also racist. Again, lazy and sloppy.

Just like assuming every single Meghan Markle fan is also vegan, anti-monarchy, feminist, woke warriors is downright sloppy and lazy. This author has personally interacted with and found common ground with Sussex Squad people many times. Some even became social media friends. They believe what they do, and I believe what I do. We do not agree with most things regarding Harry and Meghan, but we do agree to disagree and be civil.

So, contrary to the article, not all people “hate" Meghan Markle just because they detest her behavior. It’s important to remember extremes exist for all spectrums. Every topic, especially those politicized or made popular by media platforms, have extremes. There is no denying the fact that there are people who hate Meghan Markle because of her ethnicity. Those extremists who hate Meghan for her ethnicity ironically do not discriminate, though. If they hate her for her ethnicity, they hate ALL people of that same ethnicity.

On the flip side of this coin, is the other extreme. The face is the same on each side because the face represents extremism. There is no denying the fact that there are extremists who see anyone opposing Meghan as racists. Extremists who, by default, view every issue in the world through the lens of racism. While racism is a serious problem that deserves no place in society, assuming racism is the root cause of every conflict is also lazy and sloppy. And the same could be said that these extremists do not discriminate, either. If they see race as the only issue for why people “hate" Meghan Markle, they see race as the only issue for most everything.

The problem with both extremes is when everything and everyone is reduced to racial identity, racism only continues to exist. A racist using skin color as a disqualifier perpetuates racism. Assuming racism is the only reason behind disdain for someone only perpetuates racism. Focusing on race or racism allows no room for content of character.

Especially when people defend Meghan Markle being the victim of racism with a racist rule. When opposing critics say “I didn’t even know she was Black" or suggest her physical features, her Hollywood CV, or past involvement with Black causes were nonexistent before she became a duchess or stepped down from being a working royal, the extremists on the other side often resort to the One Drop Rule.

Which means their defense for calling Meghan Markle “haters" racists, even though they might have never knew she was mixed race, is a form of racism. The One Drop Rule was borne from the Reconstruction Era post-Civil War. The “rule" essentially said anyone who appeared to have Black features were considered Black.

The One Drop Rule was the precursor and eventual backbone to Jim Crow Laws of the South. It was used to oppress and segregate Americans based on physical appearance. Considering most people who never heard of Meghan before Harry came along were ignorant to her mixed heritage, it seems grossly negligent to assume race is the real issue. How can one be racist toward Meghan when they didn’t know she was mixed race? This author wasn’t aware of Meghan’s ethnicity prior to it being pointed out (by her and Harry. Repeatedly.), mainly because this author didn’t care.

Like so many, when I first saw Meghan and Harry together for the engagement interview, I was more excited about a fellow American joining the Royal Family. After learning she was biracial, well it was even better. It represented change and progress. Does that mean I saw the Royal Family as racists beforehand? No. It means I saw them as exactly the opposite. Had they been racist, she’d not be a duchess. Her being American and divorced was more a shock to me than being mixed.

The point of all this is there are extremists on every spectrum. For a journalist to say they went undercover, when in fact they did not, to expose the true motives behind Meghan Markle “haters", only to find they did very little to really understand the other side was disappointing. Not surprising, just disappointing. This could’ve been an excellent opportunity for someone to take the reigns and make bridges between two very passionate factions. Instead it became nothing more than a hit piece.

The article fails to acknowledge the possibility – no, the probability – that most people who object to Meghan Markle do so because of how she behaves. The article only considers one possibility behind this “hate". And by calling the objections “hate", the article in turn defines all criticisms as hate speech. Again, unoriginal, sloppy, and lazy.

So here we have it, yet another article grouping and stereotyping anyone who disapproves of Meghan and Harry as racist haters. Yet again, another article name dropping people “deemed racist haters", essentially painting even bigger targets on the backs of those people. Like they didn’t already have enough hate mail. Yet again, another sloppy, lazy, article that never digs below the surface to understand why instead of assuming it.

This isn’t new, it’s just another slop drop from the sensationalism machine that has replaced fair, legitimate journalism. It would be different if there weren’t so many questions surrounding the births. It would be different if Meghan Markle actually lived by the example she so vehemently preaches. It would be different if Meghan Markle would make amends with her own family before telling the world how they should treat people. It would be different if Meghan Markle were a strong woman instead of claiming to be one.

But it’s not different. She hasn’t spoken to her father since two days before her wedding three years ago. She denies the family connections that existed before her fame. She ghosts people once they are no longer of benefit. She preaches equality and universal service while using her title every chance given. She and her husband criticize the “family she never had" while naming their second child after that family’s Matriarch. All of those are behaviors that incite strong emotional responses. Behaviors. And behavior has no racial identity.

A final note… hypocrisy is the main reason people have issues with anything. When one group of people tells another group to stop attacking a public figure, while using assumptions as their crusade call, it’s hypocrisy. One cannot say “if you can’t take the heat, then shut up!” to another without being a hypocrite. When that happens, don’t be surprised when the same exact thing is said back. If Meghan or her fans can’t take the criticism, they shouldn’t participate in it. We all have the right to choose. Just like if I couldn’t handle the criticism, I’d not be writing this.

Life is not fair. The world is a dark, cruel place. When we expect the world to bend to the will of a few, we are setting ourselves above the majority. A strong woman would know this. A strong woman fighting for others would also know that the only person responsible for how one feels is one’s self. External feedback isn’t responsible for internal turmoil. Internal feedback is. That is all.

REFERENCE:

Amoako, A. (2021 June 11). I went undercover in the sinister world of Meghan Markle hate accounts. Refinery29. Retrieved from: https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/2021/06/10518195/megxit-meghan-markle-anti-fandom

[cherryfabi]

Angels Like You- 1

A/N: Hi! This will be a new series. It is inspired by Angels Like You by Miley Cyrus. I hope you like it! Feedback is always welcome. 

Warnings: Cheating, smut, daddy kink. I think that's all.

Word Count: 2.5k

It all starts with a lie. People are used to saying them. At times they are necessary, but we find ourselves in trouble when more and more derive from them, creating a vicious circle.

It is foolish and irrational to believe that lies will never be known.

And for the past six months, Harry and Y/N have been doing just that. They’ve been lying. They've been seeing each other despite the fact that they both knew they shouldn't and couldn't, but they did anyway. We humans love the forbidden. We love everything that we know we cannot have. Every human falls into temptation, always. Harry and Y/N were no exception to this.

Both of them met when Y/N’s boss, Jeff, asked her to accompany him to an important dinner, she agreed. What she didn't know was that she was going to find the man of her dreams there, but unfortunately, he was already married.

It was none other than Mr. Harry Styles who Jeff was meeting that night. A serious, wealthy, attractive, and hardworking individual. He was well-known all over the world because he owned major corporations, hotels, and other businesses.

It is safe to say that he is everything a woman wishes for in a man. Every woman wanted to be with him. Everyone loved him because, after all, what's not to love about him? He’s successful, kind, respectful and handsome. What is there not to love? Well, maybe there is something... he's not who he appears to be.

Nothing is ever how it seems, and Harry is no exception; Y/N knows this better than no other person in the world.

It was late at night, and Harry was lying next to Y/N in her bed, talking about anything and everything. His business, his marriage, his life, and his issues. She cuddled up to him and listened to him. One of Harry's favorite things about her is how good of a listener she is. He also knows she’s trustable and nonjudgmental.

They lay in silence after Harry is finished, just enjoying each other's company.

“What’s on your mind?” Y/N asks him.

“You.” He answers immediately.

“Me?” He gives her a nod and she giggles.

“I’m thinking about all the things I want to do to you right now.” He says.

He kisses Y/N on the lips, she smiles and wishes it would never end.

“Let me get you out of these pajamas, princess.” Harry whispered in her ear.

Y/N quickly stands up and lets him get rid of her clothes.

He looks at her with hunger in his eyes and she can’t help but giggle a bit from how he’s looking at her.

“You look beautiful, angel.” He says. “Tits so nice, baby. So hard and perky for me.”

He leans down to reach her breasts and sucks on them. Harry loves her breasts, he always tells her how much he loves them.

“Could spend all day on your tits alone, but I know you're aching between your legs.” He says. “Right?”

“Yes, daddy.” Harry hated being called ‘daddy’, but that changed soon after the word slipped out of Y/N’s lips. Now, he loves being called that, but only if it is Y/N who’s saying it, otherwise he would find it weird.

He starts to kiss his way down to her crotch.

“I’ve barely done anything and you’re soaking, love.” He says once he reaches her pussy. “You smell so good,”

Just when he was about to have a taste of her, she interrupted him.

“Why do you still have clothes on? It's not fair, I’m the only one naked.” She pouts.

“Can you just let me do what I want?” He says. “You know what? I’ll just fuck you. I won’t even waste my time getting you ready, you’re already dripping.” He says, taking his clothes off.

His cock springs up hitting his abdomen. His tip swollen and red.

Seconds later she watches him position himself between her. He takes one of her legs and places them on his shoulder.

“This is what you wanted, didn’t you?” He asked.

“Yes, daddy.” Y/N answered. “Please, daddy, fuck me.”

“I don't want to hurt you, so tell me if it hurts.” She nods. “Love when you’re a good girl for me, makes me feel so good when you’re a good girl for me. Now, be a good girl and spread your legs for me.”

He stares at her pussy for some seconds before slamming into her causing her breath to hitch, and her walls to clench so tight around him she feels her pussy is pushing him out from the tightness.

“Fuck, you’re so fucking tight, nearly pushing my cock out.” He moans. “Clench around me.” He orders.

She listens to him and clenches her tight cunt around him. His trusts get harder by each passing second. He pushed his hips in a constant rhythm, pushing into her roughly. The thrusts got so rough that every time he’d thrust into her, the headboard would hit the wall with a loud noise.

“This is all you are to me, just a tight hole that I can fuck.” He moves one of his fingers to her clit and starts moving it in circular motions. Her moans get louder, and Harry starts to push into her faster and deeper, so fast that she can’t control the noises coming out of her mouth. The pleasure was too much for her and she tried to close her legs, but she didn’t succeed since Harry removed his finger from her clit and pressed her thighs really far apart. She knows that if he continued with this, she wouldn’t last too long and Harry would not let her come. It’s too soon, he would obviously not let her come just yet.

He starts circling her clit faster and harsher than before and she closes her eyes with pleasure. Even though she can’t see him, she knows what face he has right now. Eyebrows furrowed while he stares where their bodies connect. His breath getting uneven and his grunts increasing, meaning he’s not going to last either.

“I’ve fucked you so many times and you’re still so tight. Can barely move.” He moans.

He then starts to circle her clit again, trying to make her come.

In no time she feels that familiar build in her stomach. Her legs start to shake uncontrollably, fighting so hard to not come. She knows she can't come, not when he hasn't explicitly told her that she has permission to do so.

“Daddy, I’m about to come. Can I come?” She asks between moans, not sure if she could take it anymore.

He removes his finger from her clit. “Come,” He says.

So she does, she comes immediately after he says the word.

Soon after she feels him twitch inside of her and hears him grunt so deeply before talking to her.

“I can come inside of you, right?” He asks. She barely registers what he’s saying but nonetheless, she nods.

He thrusts into her slowly two more times before he spills all his warm come inside of her.

He stays inside of her for some seconds before slowly pulling out.

“You did so good, princess.” He tells her. She knows his orgasm hit him just as amazing as hers by the tone of his voice.

He lays back beside her. She cuddles him while they try to recover their breaths.

Y/N enjoys the comfortable silence there is, but she also does not like it. Everytime they finish fucking, she feels guilt. She feels guilty for messing around with a married man. Sure, she is aware that his marriage is failing and that Harry is dissatisfied with his current wife, but Y/N is also aware that this is not morally correct. She is well aware that she should not be doing this. And the ring on his left hand is proof of it.

She also feels pain, though. See, this is the thing about their affair: they both knew they had to keep whatever they had a secret. They couldn't reveal what was going on between them to the rest of the world. It would have been damaging for both of their reputations. She wished they could show the world how happy they were together, but they were unable to do so. Nonetheless, she wished for it.

Both he and she have enjoyed their secret relationship, of course, to different extents. Y/N knew Harry was only interested in her company and the incredible sex they shared, but Y/N fell for him, she knew the feeling was not reciprocal. She didn’t exactly know how to put into words what she felt for him, but whatever it was, she knew that this feeling was just one-sided. Whatever feelings she had for him were irrelevant at the end of the day; they couldn't be together for more than one reason.

“Harry?” She breaks the silence, he hums in response. “What are we? What am I to you?”

Harry turns to look at her.

"Y/N, I'm married, you know we can't be together even if I wanted to."

"Even if you wanted to?" She repeats. "So even if you weren't married, you still wouldn't want to be with me?" She gets out of bed and puts on her clothes.

"That's not what I meant, Y/N. Don't put words I didn't say in my mouth."

"Yes, you may not have said them, but isn't that the truth?" She sighed.

He doesn't respond and this infuriates her.

“I’m taking that as if I am just a good fuck to you.” She answers. He turns to look away. “I’m sick of this, Harry. I’m tired of the role I play in your life. I’m tired of the lies; I think we should stop this, we shouldn’t have started this in the first place.”

“You’re the only thing that makes me happy at the moment, I don’t want to lose you.” Harry spoke.

“You’re unbelievable! You're married, Harry! Right now, you should be with her, making your wife happy, and she should be making you happy as well, not me. You’re using me, and I'm not going to put up with whatever we've got right now.”

“How come you’re bringing this up now? We’ve been doing this for almost seven months now, and you have never complained about it, what’s different now?” He’s mad now too.

“If you want to stay with me, then divorce her. You always tell me you’re unhappy with her, then divorce her. I want a stable relationship; I'm tired of playing games; I want a normal relationship.”

“Y/N, you know I cannot give you what you’re asking for.”

“Then go, Harry. Get out of my house. Clearly you are never going to give me what I want, I’m done wasting my time.”

Harry sighed, knowing that there was nothing else he could do or say to make it better.

At the end of the day, she was right. He couldn’t give her what she wanted. So, really, what else could be done? Both of them stood in different places in their lives, and there was no way they could’ve made it work.

They both knew their relationship would end eventually, but neither expected it to end this way, on this day. Their relationship had ended for good; it was the most natural thing that could have happened.

Harry deep inside always knew that he didn’t deserve Y/N. He knew she deserves someone who would give her their entire love, someone who did not keep her a secret, she deserved someone much better than him... but he was too selfish to admit this.

“If that is your final decision, I will respect it. Bye, Y/N.”

And this is what Y/N meant when she said that she knows him and knows that he is not what people think he is. She knows that the only thing he cares about is himself, no one else, even if he tells you otherwise. And this is just what he has done. He’s trying to make her feel guilty for the decision she just made, but she will not let this affect her because she knows that he is as guilty as she is.

Harry might seem like a good and wise man, but on the inside he is a misery.

Y/N knows that he hurts people without remorse. And she has just experienced this firsthand.

Now all she has left to do is move on from this and live the normal life she used to have before she met Harry.

___

It's been two months since Y/N saw Harry for the last time. Two months since Y/N lies alone in her bed, not knowing anything about him. Two months since they shared their last kiss. Two months had passed since they called it quits.

After the breakup, Y/N is doing the best she can be. A breakup is never easy, but theirs was even worse. It was even harder for her to overcome because it was full of secrets, lies, and toxicity. But right now she’s alright. She has realized that she likes the life she has right now, there are no secrets, no lies… she likes it way better, but a part of her still misses him.

She deeply regrets getting with a married man. But on the other hand, she does not regret having met him. With him, she lived one of the best months of her life. She got to know a side of herself that if it weren't for Harry, she might never have known. Not everything with Harry was so bad at the end of it all.

“Y/N, I need to talk to you about something.” Jeff said to her.

“Yes?”

“Come in and take a seat.” Jeff said, indicating Y/N to come inside of his office. “So do you remember Mr. Styles?”

When Y/N heard his surname, a last name she thought she'd never hear again, she tensed up. “I do.”

“Good, well, he was just talking to me a few moments ago and said he needed an assistant, and I immediately thought of you.” He gave a warm smile. “I think you're a fantastic assistant, and you'll make a lot more money with him than you are here. He's also an amazing boss. What do you think? I believe this would be a fantastic opportunity for you.”

“But I’m your assistant.” Was all she managed to say.

“Don’t worry, at the moment I don’t think I need one, but he does. What do you think? Would you be interested?

Y/N knew that this would be a great opportunity, and she would have an amazing salary, but was it worth it? She was well aware that Harry and her were not on the best terms, but she knew that this job was a great opportunity.

“Sure, I’ll take it.” She said.

[i-may-have-a-point]

Review of 17x14 “Look Up Child”

It has been three years since I wrote my last review of a Grey’s Anatomy episode.  After Sarah left, I stepped away from my fan accounts and did not plan on ever looking back.  Somehow though, through the dedication of our captains and the strength of the Japril fandom, we got one more episode that confirmed what we have known all along – Japril is forever.  

The episode opens to Jackson driving through a storm and we can see in his eyes that he is fighting an internal storm as well.  He winces at his injured hand while his mind flashes through thoughts of holding Harriet with April for the first time, the pain of watching April marry Matthew, and meeting his dad.  These moments, along with many others have led Jackson yearning for more out of life, and so he returns to Montana hopeful he will find answers there.

The last thing Robert Avery expects, for a second time, is to find the son he left behind standing in the doorway of his restaurant.  

“Everybody alive?” Robert asks.

Jackson making this journey again, after the way they left things before, could only be for one reason in Robert’s mind.  Jackson reassures him that is not the reason he came, and Robert relaxes easily into his friendly charm, offering coffee and a place for Jackson to “take a load off.”  He has no idea of the “load” Jackson truly bears.

Robert is awaiting the arrival of his co-worker so they can deliver pre-packaged meals to families in need in their community.  This gesture may seem small, but to Jackson, this is a subtle sign that he on the right path.  There is more he can do than what he has found within the walls of Grey-Sloan Memorial. Their small talk is awkward, and Jackson wants to get right to what he came for – answers.  Robert has other ideas.  There are sandwiches to be made and they can talk while they work.

After following Robert to the porch, Jackson realizes this sandwich-making process is going to be more time-consuming than he thought.  And so is getting the answers he came for.  He reiterates to Robert that he doesn’t want anything from him – not turkey, not coffee – just answers.

Jackson presses his dad for information about why he left the foundation, the problems he saw with it, and Catherine’s perspective on it all while Robert deflects the questions with vague answers and praise of the ham and turkey sandwich.  Robert is not ready to answer these questions because answering them would mean dealing with the memories of the past and the regret he carries.  So instead, he smiles kindly and puts Jackson in charge of the meat slicer, which leads to the first moment in Jackson’s life where his dad taught him how to do something. (Although we all know he didn’t teach him well!) This interaction allows Jackson to let his guard down just slightly and they find they have some common views on the Avery name, money, and pressure that comes with it all.  Jackson tries some of Robert’s “best in the state” turkey and Robert opens up about his own shame and abandonment by his father. It seems pain runs through generations of Avery men.

Maybe it is that realization, or the cup of Robert’s coffee in his hand, that makes Jackson relax enough to begin opening up.  He shares his desire to do more to change the system has seen fail so many people.  He isn’t even sure if he can, but he knows he feels compelled to try.  Robert agrees that people should do what makes them happy.  He did and he “never looks back.”

But Jackson does.  He can’t stop looking back and wondering why his dad was absent from every moment that mattered.  

“I realize that it’s really messed me up…pretty badly. And, um, it just made it hard to maintain relationships and stuff.  Having this inclination to run away all the time.  And I know, I know, running away doesn’t actually solve anything.  I know that. So…and I’ve tried.  I’ve tried really hard to rid myself of the shame and the pain that comes with all that, and uh, you know just kind of doubled-down on being the best at everything – the best father I could possibly be.  I probably stayed in my marriage longer than I should have, went along with foundation business longer than I should have, but no matter what, when it gets rough I just end up right there, running into the woods trying to fight the you in me.”

What begins as a tearful explanation builds to all of Jackson’s pent-up emotions overflowing at his dad.  He is distracted and emotional, cutting his hand on the slicer with blood pouring out, while his heart pours out at the same time.  

Robert tends to Jackson’s injury, and they both feel it is a simple gesture that holds more weight than they know what to do with.  Robert tries to make light of the situation by joking about a family practice, but it is the idea of them as family that sends Jackson to find fresh air on the porch. It is here where Robert finally answers Jackson’s question of “Why?”

Running is what Robert does when things get too difficult, and that is what makes Jackson so afraid. He feels the same pull.  Just before he cut his hand, he was running down the long list of things he feels he has done wrong. Does he truly believe he stayed in his marriage too long?  No. But to Jackson that is just one more way he is like his dad.  He is so messed up by the fear of turning into Robert that he breaks things off before they get too difficult, before he gets to the point Robert did.  If he can maintain a safe distance to the important things in his life, he won’t lose them and he won’t be like Robert.  “My divorce…maybe that would have been a good time for you to step in and share some wisdom.”  This isn’t who Jackson wants to be, but he is too scared of moving in either direction – scared of moving both toward or away from the things that matter, like April.  So instead, he suffers in an ambiguous middle ground.  One where he hasn’t completely abandoned anyone or anything and one where he hasn’t fully committed to anything either.  It is a balance he has tried to find for years, but it is also what is breaking him now.  

Truth be told, even Robert cannot fully run from what matters.  From his cabin in the woods, he admits that everyday he regrets leaving, and he buys gifts for a little girl he has never met in hopes that one day he will.

“You’re not a runner. If you were, you’d have been long gone by now…you have it in your soul to do the right thing.  To makes things right.  And you didn’t just fix a disaster, you made it better…on your worst day, you are ten times the man I am.”

And it is with those words Jackson makes his decision.  He is going to do the right thing.  He is going to take what seems like a disaster and make it better.

Arriving back in Seattle, Jackson goes straight to the people who matter most.  

Catherine is his first stop. He needs her blessing to take over the foundation.  Their money and influence can make life better for all people by bringing justice and equity to medicine and build a better future for Harriet.  Catherine’s Mama-heart breaks a little to see him go, but she cannot deny how proud of him she is.

With the rain still coming down, Jackson rings April’s doorbell and stresses over how he is going to approach asking her to move across the country for him.  How can he explain to her that this is not impulsive, this is not something he is doing on a whim?  

Yet, when the door opens, all his insecurities are quickly forgotten because seeing April only reminds him of why they have always been each other’s person and how she has always trusted him no matter what.  She trusted him the night of the boards with her heart and virginity, she trusted him with the decision to induce her pregnancy with Samuel to stop his pain, and she trusted him to run away from her wedding and the life she thought she was supposed to have.  But this is different.  So much has changed in the past few years.  Would she trust him now?

Jackson will have to wait to find out, though, because April is frantic.  Harriet is sick and April cannot get her fever down.  Jackson sees how stressed she is and immediately gives April what she needs.  He takes Harriet into her arms, both consoling her and helping April calm down and have a moment to breathe.  They fall into their usual banter and affectionate teasing.

Their conversations and interactions throughout the episode give us small glimpses of what we should have had the past several years had their story been written they way it should have been.  They naturally fall into their place as the loving, concerned parents unable to sleep while caring for their daughter.  They move through the house and around each other as if this is a familiar dance that they have done hundred times before.

Harriet’s sickness doesn’t seem to be the only thing April is stressed about.  Her living room is strewn with laundry and she quickly tries to clean it up while Jackson reassures her in his “bank voice” that it is fine. Too many pillows, but otherwise, fine. Jackson continues Daddy Duty by dancing with his daughter and April gets a chance to take a much-needed shower…until the storm knocks the power out.

Jackson and April alone at night in a storm, surrounded by candles, is the perfect set-up for an epic reunion, and while they may not have utilized the kitchen counter like we wanted them, too, they did reconnect on a level of clarity and maturity that shows how much they have grown.

There is also that not-so-little issue of Matthew.  Japril fans spotted early on that April was missing a particularly important ring, but it was even more telling when Jackson asked her directly if her and Matthew are happy, and she responded with simply, “We are busy.”  For a marriage that the terrible writing of season 14 wanted us to believe was ordained by God, how sad that you can’t even pretend to be happy. That one line conveyed so much more than what was stated.  It was clear from that point that Matthew and April’s marriage was over.

April is not the only one beating around the bush.  She quickly calls Jackson out on his “cagey” behavior of commenting on her exposed brick instead of saying why he actually showed up at her house late at night in the middle of a storm.  She can read him so well she knows there is something more, which is when we finally find out his plan – he is going to take over the Avery Foundation. The catch is, that means Jackson, as well as April and her family, have to move to Boston.

April responds by questioning if this is what Jackson actually wants because it never was before.  Is he going to move to Boston and then fail or regret his decision?  And while this seems unsupportive and harsh, April has to ask these questions because, as we find out later, that is exactly what happened to her.  She thought she was choosing the right path by marrying Matthew, but not only has their marriage failed, she regrets that they even tried. But Jackson doesn’t know this yet, so to defend his decision he uses Matthew proposing to April as an example of how he unconditionally supported her which not only hints at Jackson’s jealousy, but reinforces April’s fear that making a decision this big may not be the best choice.  She sees happiness for Jackson in the safe choice.  He can continue to rebuild faces, give little boy’s hands, and help people breathe again.  Maybe if she can convince him to stay with what he knows he won’t feel the hurt she is feeling right now. “Why would you want to give all that up?”

Jackson knows he can do all of that and more in Boston.  He can make a positive change in medicine, April can continue her work with the homeless, and Matthew will just follow because it is April, and that is the one reason Jackson likes him.  “He is gonna want to follow you anywhere.”  Jackson understands the urge to follow April anywhere.  The night continues with wine, snacks, and comfortable conversation but they don’t come to an agreement on what their future holds.

The storm breaks and morning comes.  Jackson, recognizing that April has been overwhelmed lets her sleep in, and she wakes up to the sounds of Harriet and Jackson happily eating breakfast and we get a glimpse of their happy, family mornings that we all know Boston will bring.  The three of them laugh and talk over pancakes, orange juice, and throw pillows and April admits that she should have been more supportive of Jackson’s plans.  If only they could get their timing right.  

The morning has brought with it clarity for April and she tells Jackson her answer is yes.  Yes, she believes he is “that guy.” Yes, she believes this could work.  Yes, they are going to Boston.  Shocked and surprised, Jackson offers to help talk to Matthew, but we find out that won’t be necessary.  As most of us suspected, the marriage that should have never happened is over.  One of the best lines of the episode is the slight dig that the writers (Sarah/Jesse?) took at the ridiculous story of April marrying Matthew.  “We kept trying to tell ourselves that our whole winding road was God’s plan to bring us back together.  But he was still so angry and hurt.  I mean, I left him at the altar and his wife died.  You know, you don’t just stop feeling hurt ‘cause it’s a better story if God brought us together in our pain.”  Enough said. And as much as we are not sad to see Matthew go, April is hurting, and Jackson recognizes that.  He takes her hand in a small gesture of comfort because he never wants to see her in pain.  (Thank you, Jesse, for improvising that.)  He gave her a reason to smile again.  Their family has a fresh start ahead in Boston.  

The episode closes with Harriet calling out for “Mommy and Daddy” as Jackson pulls April into a hug before leaving to prepare for their move, and April folds perfectly into his arms where she is supposed to be.  Fingers crossed for new horizons.  Maybe they finally did get their timing right.

[song-of-the-swans]

Natalia did nothing wrong.

I recently reread Bronze no Tenshi and oh my God I love Georges D’Anthès with all my heart - as if I already didn’t love him enough when I first read this manga. He’s so respectful, he’s ready to sacrifice everything for Natalia and he understands a woman’s struggles. 

I don’t despise Pushkin in Bronze no Tenshi as it often happens to me with the other “love rival” of Saito’s stories, sometimes I pity him, but I also think a lot of people overlook his flaws and mistakes in his relationship and attitude towards Natalia out of their admiration for the figure of the real Pushkin, the poet. On the other hand, I see a lot of blame put on Natalia, when, if you really think about it, Natalia did nothing wrong. Natalia cannot be the usual strong, single-minded, fierce woman that Saito portrays in her stories: it wouldn’t be realistic and true to the time when the events take place. In my opinion, Natalia was a good person that always sacrificed herself for the people around her, who had for once the chance to do something exclusively for herself when she met the love of her life, D’Anthès. 

I personally am analyzing the events and the characters of the manga as someone who didn’t know Pushkin the first time she read Bronze no Tenshi. I see a girl who grew up in the country, with her relatives advising her not to speak her mind or reveal her true personality to anyone, with a crazy father who traumatized her, with a strict, oppressive mother who forbade her to read books, only ingraining religious concepts in her, and who tried to sell her to the best offerer when she was only 16. Everyone makes her believe her only merit is to be beautiful. When she is 16, she meets Pushkin who feverishly falls in love with her and, moved by his persistence, she develops a crush on him and agrees to marry him. She sees him as an escape from her condition and as a chance of independence from her mother. She knows he can treat her right and, in her innocence, she believes that would be enough to make her happy, because she is not interested in love, having never experienced it. Natalia says that love scares her because people in love act irrationally, so she keeps on living a peaceful life with Pushkin fulfilling her duties in the way she was brought up. But she doesn’t know love and... she’s never truly happy or satisfied. Then D’Anthès arrives in Russia. In a certain sense, he’s someone used to be treated as an object of desire by the others just like Natalia. When he sees her the first time, he finds her beautiful just like every other man, but he doesn’t try to pursue her, nor is he interested in her. When Natalia tries to get close to him for her sister’s sake, he misunderstands her at first because he thinks she’s just treating him like the other women. Then their interactions increase and they find each other insufferable. They bicker, because D’Anthès doesn’t idealize her. People do nothing but point out Natalia’s beauty to the point of exhaustion, but D’Anthès actually treats Natalia as his equal - even recognizing how it must be tiring to be always told the same compliment over and over - and more importantly as a woman. And during their arguments, Natalia’s personality comes out to her own surprise, the personality that we only saw at the beginning of the story when she’s alone with her sisters and that she was told to suppress. She gets emotional and worked up. He gets a reaction out of her.  They get to know each other as two people of the same age. He advises her. He protects her. He starts to understand her and he realizes she’s genuine and naive, that she doesn’t scheme, that she doesn’t do things for her own good, that she doesn’t want to hurt others and that she has no experience of life… and love. And they fall in love madly, to the point they will sacrifice their own happiness for the sake of seeing the other safe and at peace, since there’s not a place on the earth where they could possibly be allowed to be together. Anna Karenina is quite an example. Their only option was to flee abroad but that would’ve meant for Natalia not to see her family and children anymore. Leaving aside that I wouldn’t even have blamed Natalia for abandoning a whole brood of children that were literally put into her as if her body didn’t belong to her, D’Anthès understands that for her. When the day comes, he decides that he has to be stronger for her sake, because even if Natalia was willing to leave, she could’ve blamed herself all her life and died out of guilt. Ironically, D’Anthès has understood and known Natalia more during their illicit affair of stolen glances, confessions that lasted the time of a dance and secrete meetings, than her husband, who’s lived with her for years, ever did. Natalia always thought about the others. She first sacrificed herself for the sake of her family when they wanted her to get married. She restlessly gave her husband children he put in her one after the other without even letting her recover from the previous pregnancy, without ever objecting. After her marriage, she took her older sisters in her house to allow them to live a happier, social life in town and she escorted them at balls to chaperone them even when she was pregnant and had to take care of her body. She started to interact with D’Anthès to introduce him to her older sister who had a crush on him. She never wanted to hurt her admirers, even those who were pestering her. When she finally meets the love of her life, she fights back her feelings as much as she can and even avoids to be intimate with him because “her body doesn’t belong to her”. The moment she’s about to flee with him and make love to him, she physically stops herself because “she was about to be happy” in such a dramatic situation and “that is unforgivable”. Natalia is not even free to put an end to her life, because she has obligations, she’s leaving a family behind. So when she thinks D’Anthès doesn’t love her anymore when he sends her back home, she also knows she has to keep on living. And, in the end, we know her biggest sacrifice was to give up for good to the only person she ever loved for the sake of her children, her husband, her relatives and for social pressure… but even that is not enough for her husband.

Nevertheless, readers still blame her, just like Natalia blames herself for having fallen in love, just like she guilt trips herself throughout the story when she thinks she’s become someone who only thinks about her own happiness. After Natalia puts an end to her affair for her family, Pushkin decides to duel D’Anthès anyway and die, leaving her not only alone, but also making impossible for her to remarry with her lover decades later and abandoning the children just like Natalia would have done had she fled abroad with D’Anthès. With the only difference that Natalia would have done it to be with the one she loved after having lived a life that didn’t belong to her, whereas Pushkin did it for pride and vanity.

I suppose people blame Natalia because they think that she cannot make up her mind, but the truth is that the characters’ feelings are very clear in Bronze no Tenshi: Natalia doesn’t love her husband romantically and never has. You hear her thoughts, you watch her actions. She repeatedly confirms that she sees Pushkin as a relative and a father figure, even before D’Anthès came in the picture. Natalia didn’t fall out of love because of D’Anthès and D’Anthès didn’t steal her from Pushkin: she simply never loved him and Pushkin knew before and after marrying her. But he does nothing about it, he is happy to have her because she is beautiful and because he idealized her. Sure Pushkin loves his wife, but he doesn’t actually know her. He treats her like a muse, he calls her angel, he acts like a father towards a child, he scolds her, he keeps secrets and financial issues from her and when Natalia begins to show a firmer and more mature personality after she meets D’Anthès, he admits he liked her childish side more. He doesn’t treat her like a woman and an equal like D’Anthès does. If Pushkin had been depicted truer to his real physical appearance and age, I don’t think many people would’ve overlooked his obsession with making Natalia pregnant out of insecurity to “leave his mark on her” because she’s his possession.

When Pushkin got engaged to Natalia, he even promised her mother that he would’ve stepped aside in case Natalia realized one day that her life could’ve been different had she not married him. But he doesn’t. Or let’s say he does, but in an egoistical and manipulative way. Yes, it’s understandable on his part because it’s not easy to give up to the one you love and Russian society didn’t allow divorce. Yes, he doesn’t blame his wife for falling in love and he also waits for Natalia to come back to him...  but he doesn’t realize that Natalia cannot be who he used to think she was through his rose tinted glasses and this to me shows that he’s actually more egoistical in his love than D’Anthès is with Natalia. D’Anthès is ready to be hated by her for the sake of seeing her happy. The moment D’Anthès is close to obtaining happiness and fulfilling his dream to live with her in France, he realizes that Natalia won’t ever have the chance to live with him in a dream, because she has too many things at stake that even love cannot make up for: the price she has to pay for becoming his wife is too high, it would kill her. So he sends her back home and he hurts her, pretending he never loved her in order for her to give up on him more easily. D’Anthès never once tried to force himself physically on Natalia, he never had to be told “stop” twice. He is ready to die for her, to marry someone he doesn’t love to protect her honour. D’Anthès doesn’t want Natalia to break under the burden of having left her family to be with him, Natalia doesn’t want D’Anthès to willingly die in the duel with Pushkin because he can’t live without her. Natalia returns home but becomes an empty shell because she thinks her love hates her, D’Anthès goes mad because everything he did to see her happy turned out to be useless. They aren’t allowed to find peace whether they’re together or not.

When that becomes evident, Natalia will finally do something for herself. She makes love with her lover to say goodbye and to carry that memory forever in her heart, before returning to her husband’s side. But we all know what her husband’s final decision was to put an end to this situation. He dies, D’Anthès leaves Russia forever, Natalia loses her dear husband and her lover. She meets D’Anthès again 15 years later in the same place they became aware of each other, they reminisce about their young days, but they can’t be together this time as well.

Despite her tragic endings, Saito always treats her heroines more kindly than her male character (s). It’s like she protects them. They’re always mentally stronger than their lovers and they are resilient… in a way they are always able to find a happy ending in their misery. Natalia is mentally stronger, she survives, she remarries to protect herself, but, partially because this is based off real events, she also is probably the most miserable heroine portrayed by Saito. In the end she doesn’t find her happy ending, nor does she succeed in anything. She just finds peace of mind that she imposed on herself by sealing her feelings for D’Anthès and grieving her first husband, fulfilling the role society required. And I truly pity her. I honestly don’t know how people can blame her.

[keykeylocke]

Start-Up Review

Warning: Spoilers

Rating: 1 / 3 

This drama made me angry. I didn’t even watch the last three episodes. I rebuke everything that happened after the 3 year time jump. Han Ji-Pyeong deserved better.

Summary

Seo Dal-Mi is twelve years old. Her parents have recently divorced. She chooses to stay with her father in Korea, while her older sister In-Jae moves to America with their mother and stepfather. 

Dal-Mi’s grandmother, Won-Deuk is the owner of a hot dog shop. With her mother leaving, Grandma becomes concerned about Dal-Mi. 

One day Grandma meets an orphan named Han Ji-Pyeong. Ji-Pyeong has aged out of the orphanage, but cannot find an apartment to rent, because he is only 17. He won’t go to college for a few months and needs a place to stay in the meantime. Grandma offers him a place to sleep in the back of the hot dog shop, unbeknownst to her family. 

In exchange for her kindness Ji-Pyeong agrees to write letters to Dal-Mi posing as a student her age, named Nam Do-San. A name they chose from an article in the newspaper. Grandma thinks these letters will cheer up Dal-Mi who is dealing with feeling abandoned by her mother and sister. It works. Dal-Mi feels comforted by Ji-Pyeong’s letters. However, when Ji-Pyeong goes to college the letters suddenly stop. 

Fifteen years later, Dal-Mi is feeling unfulfilled in her life. She longs for the comfort she felt from her pen pal and first love Nam Do-San. She goes on a search to find him, but who will she find, Han Ji-pyeong who wrote the letters or Nam Do-San the young math genius whose name Grandma and Ji-Pyeong randomly found in the paper?

Song Suggestion: Lie by BTS Jimin

Grandma and Ji-Pyeong were caught in a lie.

Also did anyone think the male hacker twin looked like Jimin. His hairstyle and his colorful sweaters and earrings were giving me Park Jimin vibes.

Likes

-Kim Seon Ho’s acting. I was already a fan of his, because I watched him in 100 Days My Prince. He is actually the only reason why I considered watching this drama. I saw him in the trailer and decided to watch it. 

-Good visuals. All the shots filmed near the Han River looked so beautiful. It made me want to visit Seoul one day.

-The secret of the letter made the story interesting. As a viewer you wanted to know when and how Dal-Mi would find out. (Although the letters were a good plot device. I sometimes felt like I was watching the most elaborate episode of MTV’s Catfish.)

-I liked that this drama took on social topics like suicide, how techological advancements can negatively effect older workers, and how companies can take advantage of young workers with passion pay.

Dislikes

-3 year time jump. It didn’t seem like any character grew over the three years. 

-Ji-Pyeong being blamed for Yong-San’s brother’s death.

-The letters were not discussed by Dal-Mi and Ji-Pyeong or Dal-Mi and Grandma. They became insignificant for several episodes. Then, at the end of the series Do-San uses it as some sort of power grab between him and Ji-Pyeong.

-Do-San fighting Ji-Pyeong. It was not Ji-Pyeong’s fault that the deal with 2STO fell through. Do-San never actually told the rest of Samsan Tech that Alex met with him privately and tried to recruit him to 2STO by himself.

-Samsan Tech constantly complained about Ji-Pyeong when he only told them the truth about their company. Ji-Pyeong told them they didn’t know how to market Do-San’s technology and make it profitable. He was right. They literally used his idea to form a nonprofit type of service. They were helping the visually impaired, but they were not making money. Ji-Pyeong also said they would never find an investor for the company. He was right about that too. They only got Morning Group to invest, because they blackmailed them and 2STO did not invest in Samsan Tech, they dissolved the company.

-I hated Dal-Mi’s relationship with her mom and her sister. The abandonment she went through as a child was never really addressed (from what I watched).

-Dal-Mi and Do-San were relatable, because they were both sort of underdogs trying to make it. However, they never seemed to grow throughout the show. They showed a lot of immature behavior throughout the entire series.

-The love triangle was overused. If Dal-Mi wasn’t going to end up with Ji-Pyeong why string him and the audience along until basically the last episode. Also why do we get In-Jae showing interest in Ji-Pyeong for two seconds. This drama had 16 episodes. Was there really no time to explore that potential connection?

Favorites

Favorite Characters

-Ji-Pyeong: He had such a compelling story as an orphan who overcame adversity and became successful. He loved grandma. Although he did yell at her a couple of times. He was so conflicted, but just like BTS V he is a Good Boy. He fell in love with Dal-Mi because she is so much like Grandma. She is very kind and giving. He really is a sweet guy who seems really confident, but is actually very lonely.

-Grandma: I wanted to contact the Pope and suggest that Grandma become a saint. She took Ji-Pyeong in when he was homeless. She fed him, gave him new shoes, and started a bank account for him. She became Dal-Mi’s sole guardian and never complained. Then, she took in her daughter-in-law and gave her a job so she could escape her abusive husband. She had to suffer through the devastating loss of her son, but put on a brave face for Dal-Mi. (It was nice that she sort of gained a son through her relationship with Ji-Pyeong.)

-Do-San’s Dad: He showed how tech can negatively affect older people. Although he seemed like he was putting a lot of pressure on Do-San, he just really wanted his son to be successful and live a good life.

Favorite Scenes

-When Do-San’s dad shows up at Sandbox and says his little speech about how older people like the slow pace and younger people like fast paced technology, but both are needed in society not just one. I think this is true.

-When Do-San tells his dad that they don't have to be each other’s pride and joy. They can just be father and son. This is the way a lot of people feel about their parents, but they may never say it. It is a beautiful scene.

-Any scene where Grandma calls Ji-Pyeong Good Boy or holds his face.

[bluefirewrites]

I'm sorry about your presentation, idk if your still doing hcs but can you do one where Reggie is julies older brother by 1 or 2 years and Julie in love with Luke and Luke likes her as well but neither will do anything because of Reggie. If not its ok. ☺

I brought up an idea similar to this a while back! But let’s rework it. 

In this scenario, let’s say that the Molinas and the Peters' have known each other for a long while, ever since Julie and Reggie were kids. They’ve pretty much grown up together. 

And then they get older and a lot of shit happens. Julie’s mom dies. And Reggie’s parents finally get a divorce. 

As the two families are healing and trying to move on, eventually Ray and Reggie’s mom sorta just clicked. 

And years later, they ended up getting married- officially making Reggie Julie’s brother. 

They move into the Molina’s house and they transition to one big family so seamlessly that Julie often forgets that Reggie isn’t her brother in the biological sense. He’s always been an older figure to her, always looking out for her and Carlos. 

She’s so used to having him around. And even used to having Reggie’s friends around growing up. 

They all met when they were in middle school, but Julie hasn’t seen them much over the years, only seeing them during special occasions or whenever she would go to the Peters’ from time to time. 

She remembers Alex, the shy blonde one who does his best to keep the peace when everyone got too rowdy. 

And then Bobby, who is just hitting his stride in his sullen, moody teenager phase. Still nice though. 

And Luke, the wild one. The guy was all long haired, energetic, and sporting some gnarly braces the last time she saw him. 

She hears a knock at the door the night Reggie and his mom had moved in. Julie opens it and it’s the boys: Alex, Bobby, and- woah. 

“Julie?” Luke smiles, his long hair cut to a still shaggy ‘do, braces gone, and now ripped, telling by how he’s proudly wearing his Nirvana cutoffs, “No way! Long time no see,” 

“Y-yeah,” Julie instantly wishes that she wasn’t wearing her dinosaur slippers at the moment. She leads them all inside, telling them to make themselves at home while they wait for Reggie to come down. 

Julie hurries off to her room, red in the face, internally freaking out about the idea of a cute guy coming over to her house on a regular basis. 

A cute guy she cannot get involved with... imagine how Reggie would react... 

The guys note the dreamlike expression on Luke’s face as he watched Julie go up the stairs. Once she’s gone, Luke whirls around, “Has she always been like that?” 

“Squirrely?” 

“No...” Luke drops his voice down to a whisper, “I mean, has she always been that cute?” 

Alex and Bobby shoots this idea down real quick, “Woah! No no no! Off-limits! She's off-limits, Luke!” 

“How come?” 

“She’s Reggie’s sister,” 

“Step-sister,” 

“Still,” Bobby cuts in, “You know Reggie. He takes the brother role very seriously. He won’t let you stand a foot away from her if he heard what you just said.” 

“If who heard what?” Reggie says, coming down the stairs. 

“Nothing!” They all exclaim, and Luke silently thanks the boys for not ratting him out and invoking Reggie’s wrath. 

He does know how Reggie can get when it comes to Julie. He’s already so protective of her. So he’s not going to try and do anything to piss him off. 

And besides, he just finds her cute. It’s not like anything’s gonna come from it. 

Wrong. 

Luke and Julie are hardcore pining for each other the more time the boys spend over at the house. 

And they’re over a lot. 

Julie would come into the garage, now a studio space for the boys’ band, and watches them practice. 

Somehow Luke finds a way to gravitate towards her. Always standing beside her, ready to show a song he’s been working on or just ask how she’s doing. 

And Julie would find an excuse to hang around the boys, whether offering to help with songwriting or help clean up the equipment. One time, she hands Luke his guitar and their hands met. They both blush but quickly part before Reggie could see what transpired. 

They sneak little casual touches here and there, both to gauge if the other person reciprocates their feelings and to hide whatever was going on between them from Reggie. 

This all coming from the fear of Reggie flipping out on them. 

Apparently when the boys bring up Nick from Julie’s class, joking about the way he was starry-eyed when dancing with Julie (secretly trying to get a rise out of Luke), Reggie immediately asks Julie about a thousand questions: 

“Who is he? What does he do?” 

“Do? He’s a student. In my grade...” 

“Oh. No job? So he’s a deadbeat, huh? Doesn’t sound like a suitable match,” 

“What are you going on about?”

“Does he like the Star Wars Prequels? Yes or No? There is a right answer” 

“What does this have to do with anything, Reggie?”

“I need to know if he’s good enough for you!” 

Reggie starts watching Nick like a hawk at school, going out of his way to intimidate the junior (well as much as he could. he’s still pretty much a puppy and super non-threatening). 

It’s getting ridiculous. 

So Julie goes to talk to Luke, to try and nip this in the bud before Reggie notices their weird behavior. She manages to play off needing help to get something in the laundry room to get him alone without suspicion. 

“Look, we can’t do this anymore... whatever this is,” 

Luke nods, “Agreed. Reggie’s my best friend.” 

“And he’s my brother,” 

“I don’t want to do something that would upset him,” 

“Me neither. Glad we’re on the same page,” 

“Right. Same page. So just friends. Deal?” she sticks her hand out. 

He shakes it, “Deal,” 

They lock eyes, appreciating how the other one looks under the warm dimmed light. 

It takes only about .5 seconds for them to crash their lips onto each other’s, igniting a full on make out session. And by the time they finished, they realize their mistake. 

Uh oh. 

They can’t go back after this. 

Now they really have something to hide from Reggie. 

They sneak around the house, whenever they could. 

Luke would make up an excuse to grab water or go to the bathroom in the middle of rehearsal, just to sneak up to Julie’s room to grab a quick kiss and maybe a small tickle fight just so he could hear that laugh he loves so much. 

And Julie would join the boys at the dinner table, sitting next to him and discreetly slipping cue love notes into his pocket that she knows would make him blush and smile all goofily later (and if they turn into potential song lyrics? Well that's for them to know).

Alex warns Luke the next day, “I think he’s catching on. Be more careful,” 

They spend more time together now that Julie starts writing songs for the band. Her and Luke would huddle over the piano, scribbling the night away, always sitting dangerously close to each other.

Once, Reggie observes them quietly from the couch with an unreadable expression on bis face.

“We are careful,” 

Bobby raises an eyebrow at him, “Really? You tried to pass off the hickeys on Julie’s neck as rashes.” 

“And Reggie bought it, remember? He went out and got ointment for her and everything,” 

“He’s not stupid, Luke. You better do something about this. Fast,” 

Luke sighs, “You’re right.” 

Later that night, Luke pulls Julie into the upstairs bathroom, the one between her room and Reggie’s, to talk. 

“Jules, as much I want to keep doing this... I can’t stand lying to Reggie,” 

“Me too,” she says, “So, let’s just tell him. I don’t like hiding you.” 

“But we need to plan it out. We can’t just spring it on him,” 

“Catch him in a good mood hopefully, and we’ll tell him together,” 

“Sounds like a plan, boss,” 

“Love it when you call me boss,” Julie smiles, angling her head up to kiss him. 

Just then, the door connecting to Reggie’s room bursts open and the said bassist enters in his bathrobe. His eyes grow wide at the sight of them tangled up in each other. 

“What is going on here?” 

The couple breaks apart. Julie and Luke jump to opposite sides of the bathroom, hands up in surrender. 

“You didn’t lock the doors?” Julie hisses at Luke

“Was not my main priority!” Then Luke steps forward in an attempt to calm Reggie down, “Hey, Reg, pal, um, what you just saw-” 

“You guys were kissing in here?” he yells. 

Julie and Luke lower their heads, “...yeah,” 

Reggie sighs, throwing his hands up in the air, “Unbelievable!”

“Reggie, we’re sorry-” 

“In the bathroom, really? Can’t you guys do this in the laundry room like you usually do? My toothbrush is here, come on!”  

Wait. What?

Did they hear him correctly? 

“You knew?!” Julie all but screamed at her brother. 

“Duh. You’re not really subtle,” 

Luke splutters, “B-But Nick-” 

“Found out real quick that he’s not the one I should be worried about,”

“And the... the, well..?”  Julie gestures lamely at her neck, “Why did you get me ointment?” 

Reggie smirks, “Just to mess with you.” 

“So... you’re not mad?”

“Nah. Like I said. I need to make sure whatever guy you end up with, Jules, is good enough for you. And, well, I’ve known Luke almost all my life. And I trust him. Honestly, there’s no other guy I could think of that could be a better match for you.” 

Luke’s hand rests on his shoulder, “You mean that, Reg?” 

“Of course. I’m happy for you guys. But uh...” he sticks his thumb towards the door, “Could you like skip on out of here. I did come to the bathroom for a reason.” 

“Oh, right,” 

“Your Tia’s chicken went right through me-” 

“Ok, Reggie! We’re leaving!” 

“But one more thing,” 

Luke and Julie stop in the doorway leading to the hallway. 

“If you think I’m bad,” Reggie shakes his head, “Try breaking the news to Carlos,” 

Luke pales, “Oh no,”

“’Oh no’ is right,” 

The couple spins around to find Carlos in the hallway, arms crossed, staring them down, “Care to explain why you two were in the bathroom?”

“Well, uh, um, we were-” Luke turns to Julie, but the girl is nowhere to be found, having already yeeted to her room to escape an overprotective Carlos. 

Luke throws a pleading look at Reggie, “A little help here, buddy?”  

Meanwhile, Carlos is unamused, carrying so much tension in his small body that it has Luke gulping nervously. 

“Nope you’re on your own,” he winks, “Make sure to tell him about the ‘rash’ while you’re at it.”

And with a laugh, the bathroom door closes. 

“I can explain...” 

[softsebnbuckystan]

Soul ties - Part 13/Finale (Bucky Barnes au)

“I've hungered for your touch

A long, lonely time”

Soul ties playlist : https://open.spotify.com/playlist/054hHxpYJ2rIluevfSaGRK?si=w1JkdfFwTjuXZMegQd9WHw

Waking up from your first night with Bucky was a feeling you would make sure you'd never forget. You knew he didn't get much sleep : you'd only  been to his room once, but you'd noticed the single blanket on the floor, which somehow reminded you of Steve's bed in the early years of your friendship.

"You didn't even move," you said as you woke up with his arm around you. "I feel bad I kept you in an uncomfortable position."

"Don't. I couldn't wake you up for anything in the world," he joked. "Even when you snored."

"Lord, take me out of this misery," you complained as you got up from your bed, escaping Bucky's embrace.  "You were joking, right?"

He grinned and shook his head no. Damn. You ran your brush through your hair and picked up  your phone on your way to the bathroom to brush your teeth. Checking your messages, you noticed a text from Steve.

"Tony dropped off some papers for you. Didn't want to wake you guys up."

Your heart jumped as you realised what papers Steve was talking about. Divorce papers. You rinsed your mouth, put on some jeans and a T-shirt before telling Bucky about the special delivery.

"All I have to do is sign them, then drop them off at Darren's," you explained. "Best case scenario : he signs them right away and I get to go back with them."

Bucky was already seated and he was getting ready to go change as well. "And worst case scenario would be...?"

"He doesn't sign them at all, and I have to go through the court system," – you sighed – "which I really don't want to."

"It's not gonna happen," he assured you. "I'm coming with you to make sure of it."

"You don't have to do that, you know?"

"I want to."

You slowly sat on his lap, wrapping your hands around his neck. "I'm a really lucky woman." You couldn't help but smile before kissing him quickly. "Okay. I gotta go read and sign those papers. If you want to make some coffee while I do so..."

"Oh, I see, already taking advantage of my soft spot for you," he said. "I didn't think-"

"So you have a soft spot for me, huh?" you teased, a nervous laugh escaping your mouth.

"Did I say that?"

"Maybe. I guess we're even, then. Soft spots for each other sounds good."

You got up and put on your shoes.

"It does," he agreed. "Alright, I gotta make some coffee now."

---

"I didn't think I'd see you this soon."

"Well, I'm full of surprises," you snapped at your future ex-husband as you handed him a small stack of paper. "I need you to sign this."

Darren's eyes kept going from you and Bucky to the papers. He grabbed the divorce agreement hesitantly and read the title.

"What if I don't?"

"You will."

Bucky's low and stern voice had unsettled your interlocutor so bad he opened his mouth without  saying anything.

"If you don't mind, we'll come in and make sure you sign these," you said as you made  your way through the hallway of the building. "I also have some stuff I want back."

"Fine," Darren agreed  grudgingly. "It's not like I have a choice anyway. I don't want your new pet boyfriend to attack me."

"He's not-"

"Let him," Bucky told you. "Please, let him give me an easy excuse to do it."

You held back a laugh : you knew Bucky didn't want to be involved in a meaningless fight. On the other hand, letting Darren believe this was a possibility seemed like a fun taste of payback.

"C'mon, Buck. He's not worth the trouble."

You grabbed his hand as you preceded Darren in the staircase that led to your former apartment. You took him to the bedroom you and Darren once shared ; you could see his face changing at the sight of the bed and decoration that still bore your mark.

"Are you okay?" you asked.

"Sure."

You got away  from the wardrobe you were about to open and walked up to him.

"No you're not. Talk to me," you said as you stroked his cheek.

"This room is filled with memories," he whispered. "Memories that are his."

"And that's all he's got," you retorted. "Memories. That's the only thing he can cling to from now on, assuming that even means something to him."

"But it means something to you, and I don't want you to erase all that," he confessed.

"Bucky... I'm not erasing anything," you promised, knowing how hard it was for him to think he was stripping someone from their memories. "Life is about learning. If I hadn't been married to him in the first place, I probably wouldn't have met you. See? Learning from past experiences is not erasing said experiences. I know you're feeling like the bad guy here, but you're not."

"He looks miserable. That's kinda my fault."

"You didn't let me blame myself for this, and I'm sure as hell not gonna let you blame yourself either."

You smiled and kissed him on the cheek before going back to the wardrobe. Grabbing a bag and filling it with your remaining clothes didn't feel as heavy as it did when you'd last been here. Your chest felt ten times lighter, and you were convinced Bucky's presence had something to do with it.

"I'm good," you said. "Those are the only things I couldn't bring last time."

You left the bedroom and found Darren sitting at the kitchen table, his pen hovering over the divorce agreement.

"Could you get done with this already?" you asked softly. "I'm kind of in a hurry."

"You're so eager to leave me, aren't you?" Darren scoffed. "I thought..."

"What?"

"I thought you could make this work for us."

You let  out a long, disappointed sight. "The very  fact you think it's my job and mine only to make this marriage work is another sign of why it didn't," you pointed out. "I shouldn't have lied to you about my tattoo in the first place," you admitted, "but the way you treated me all those years was far from right."

"But I was good to you."

"No, you weren't."

Darren lowered his eyes and signed the final page. With a single hand, he slid the agreement towards you.

"Thank you," you told him. "I'm glad we could end this the nice way."

"It's really over, huh? You're just gonna leave with a guy you've known for a couple of months."

For once,  there was no animosity in his voice. He sounded resigned more than he sounded sad.

"Yes. I might not have known Bucky for long, but he treated me the way I know I deserve. I'm not sorry you couldn't be that person, because there is someone out there waiting to meet you as well."

"Yeah, maybe."

You picked up the papers and went for the door, Bucky following you.

"Goodbye, Darren."

You didn't get an answer, as you'd expected. You went down the stairs silently and dropped your bag on the backseat of the car before sitting behind the wheel. Bucky sat in the passenger's seat, unsure of what he should say.

"Thanks for coming along," you ended up saying. "I think it helped me stay calm."

Bucky squeezed your knee gently as you started the engine : his  hand didn't leave  your leg for the rest of the trip, and you'd  never been more thankful  for automatic cars.

---

"Surprise," Natasha told  you as she greeted you with a glass of champagne. "Steve told me the news."

"What is it we're celebrating, exactly?" you asked with a chuckle.

"Your divorce, of course! I couldn't make it to the wedding, might as well celebrate its ending."

"I'm-, oh god." Keeping things serious was impossible and the light-hearted feeling in  your chest resurfaced. You thought you'd feel more guilt over divorcing Darren, but you knew now that it was the best thing to do.

Bucky laid a hand on your waist  even though there were a few people around, and Nat handed him a glass as well. Wanda, Steve and Sam ended up drinking with you, and even Tony made an appearance. Laughing, talking and chilling with your family felt like an enormous relief after the past few weeks. Despite your surroundings, Bucky's hand couldn't seem to leave your body : your shoulder, thigh or arm or even your back... Maybe you weren't the only one who felt freed by signing those papers. You stayed up late that night, and Natasha was the last one to leave.

"Big day, huh?"

You nodded and snuggled up to Bucky on the couch. "About what you said earlier-"

"It's okay," he said. "I just...you have memories with him. I cannot pretend they don't exist, and-"

"Don't. They're not relevant," you said, cutting him off before cupping his face. "It's you and me now, Buck. Every moment in my life, every choice I ever made led me to you. So yeah, Darren and I share memories. Some of them are good. Some aren't. So what? You and I will make new ones, and that's what matters to me."

You  pressed your forehead against his and closed your eyes.

"I'm in love with you," you confessed. "I'm in love with you and I've never felt it this strong, ever, and it's scary but it's also the most exciting thing-"

His lips crashing on yours interrupted your whole speech. His hand found the skin on your waist as he laid you down on the couch and kissed you with passion, enjoying the fact that the room was all yours. He pulled back, leaving you out of breath. He got up abruptly and extended his hand, grabbing yours and putting you back on your feet. Pulling you into a tight hug, he kissed your cheek and your neck.

"I love you,"  he whispered in your ear.

"I love you too," you said. You grabbed his hand on your waist and led  him through the compound. You stopped in front of his bedroom and stood  on tiptoe to plant a kiss on his nose. "Let's go make new memories now."

the end.

---

this is officially it guys, soul ties is a finished story! sorry the finale took so long to be posted but i've barely had time for myself with exams coming soon. i hope this story made its way to your heart like it did mine. :)

tag list : @ginger-swag-rapunzel @joscelyn02 @writehistorynotthegrocerylist @bluemoon-icecream @lady-loki-ren @simplybombshell @lizajane3 @livingonkpop @kaitieskidmore1

[fawad-khan]

Together Always

A/N: hey guys, this is a part of @in-a-lot-of-fandoms-tbh 's 1k writing challenge, congratulations again, queen K! I hope you enjoy. I’m so sorry for the delay hvfuuvcurv, i hope you enjoy! This is my longest yet, if this flops, i will be angy :)

Masterlist

Pairing- Harry Holland x reader

Warning- some angst maybe? mentions of hospital, nothing too gory, maybe swearing here and there

Word Count- 3.5k+ (woohoo!)

Prompt- “Marriage? Pass”

Prompt will be in bold

Summary- you finally realize why people choose to go ahead and take a long term committment with each other.

(At age 10)

You were sitting on a park bench alone, crying by yourself. No one was around, for you were sitting in a quiet and empty part of the park. Your head was bent to your knees, which you had brought closer to your chest. You were so engrossed in your own sorrow that you did not notice two identical faces catching your sight and walking towards you, wondering what was wrong.

"Hey, what happened? Are you alright?" You heard a voice in front of you and looked up, seeing two twin boys standing in front of you. One of them had curly hair, while the other had straighter hair.

"Well no, I'm not in a really good mood right now." You replied meekly.

"Do you want to talk about it?" The curly haired boy asked. You let out a sniffle and wiped your wet eyes. They sat down beside you, the curly haired boy sitting on your left and patting your hand for comfort, and the straight haired boy sitting by your right.

"Well, uh it's just that my mommy an-and my daddy they do-don't want to live with each o-other anymore and are getting a d-divorce."

"Oh, uh that's really sad to hear. Do you know exactly why this happened though? Like do they fight or anything?"

"Harry, don't ask her all that! She will tell us if she wants to."

"It's ok, uh they kind of fight a lot everyday and I overhear them saying they cannot live like this and all, I guess." You said, smiling sadly. "Now I have to decide who I want to live with. It's gonna be a bit hard for me." You sniffled again, making the boy named Harry (you guessed when the other boy called him) rub your arm in comfort.

"Well if you ever have any difficulties, we don't live very far from here. You can always come and maybe live with us, if our mum agrees with it."

"No no, I don't wanna burden you like that, but uh sounds nice!"

"Oh and I'm Harry, he's my twin Sam." He said, pointing to the straight haired boy.

"I'm (y/n)." You said, shaking their hands. Little did your 10 year old self know at the time that their friendship would make a tremendous difference in your life.

----

(6 years have passed)

It has been 6 years. You decided to finally move in with your dad, partly because he was kind of a better parent to you and partly because his house was near the Hollands, which made it easier for you to see the twins more often.

Ever since that day, you had become great friends with Harry and Sam. Of course, through them, you also met Tom and Paddy and their parents, and they were the sweetest people you ever met. They helped you go through your parents divorce, as it is always very difficult for a small child to go through such things alone. They were like a second family to you. Tom kind of became like a protective older, while Paddy was like a little brother.

Harry and Sam were your best friends, of course. They never failed to always keep you happy and amused, especially when they did a lot of silly things on purpose.

Harry never failed to pull you out of your blues. No matter what it was, he always managed to get a smile out of you every single day. He made you feel warm and fuzzy every time it was just the two of you together. You often accompanied him whenever he would do some casual photoshoots, as you were a great help to him, giving valuable tips, helping him choose a perfect scene, etc.

Of course, as you grew older, puberty was obviously very much favourable to all of you. Harry was no longer the cute little boy with a baby voice, you were no longer the small girl with a doll face. Harry grew more tall, his muscular features become more and more prominent. His voice had become deeper, which you found pleasant to hear all day long. Not to mention, he was more attractive as well, so naturally he often attracted the attention of girls in school which often made you jealous.

Sam of course grew up to be a very charming and handsome lad as well, quite like his twin. His cooking skills had improved a lot too. But, the bond between the two of you was more platonic. You felt a deeper connection with Harry, something more than friendship. You were still wary of a long term committed relationship, given that you had gone through your parents divorce, but that did not stop you from daydreaming about what it would be like if you and Harry were together.

----

(Age 17)

It was your senior prom and your date had turned out to be a bitch, deciding to never show up at your house to pick you up. He had messaged you about having caught the flu, and right when you were about to just give up and stay in at home instead, Sam insisted that you come to prom anyway. What you did not know was Harry had not managed to get a date, so he just decided to show up solo. He had been hoping to ask you, but seeing that you got a date already, he decided to just go by himself.

So when he saw you alone and dateless, looking absolutely impeccable and breathtaking in your body hugging purple dress that ended above your knees and hair opened save for a small braid in the side, he decided to take this chance and go for it.

You had seen him too, looking so handsome in his tuxedo. How you were mentally wishing that you both would be together instead. The way his curls flopped despite his best efforts to keep them tidy only made him seem hotter in your eyes.

"What happened? Todd ain't here?" He asked, referring to your date.

"Na, he's had a bout of flu, at least that's what he says."

"What do you mean by that?"

"I dunno, I guess I just kinda had this coming you know, maybe I'm not meant to have a nice date to a dance and have fun. Ah, just my luck."

"Come on, any guy would be lucky to be with you."

"Yeah right." At that moment, his eyes fell on a couple who had entered the ballroom, and when he realised who it was, his blood boiled and his fingers were clenched as he tried to control the urge to just go and punch him.

You could feel him tense up beside you, and looking at his face, you could sense something wasn't right. His face held an agitated expression.

"What's the matter, Harry?" You asked, concerned.

"I hate to tell you this, but uh looks like Todd is in perfect health." He mumbled.

"Wait whatever do you mean?"

"See for yourself." He pointed you in the direction where he was looking, and to your immense surprise, there was Todd all suited up, getting quite cozy with some random chick who was in a dress slightly shorter than the prescribed dress code. You could feel your blood boiling. The audacity of the motherfucker to lie like this and then just show up like that, you couldn't control the rage building in you.

Before Harry could stop you, you stormed your way towards the couple, who were now making out in a corner and ripped them apart. The chick had barely uttered a word when you gave him one tight slap.

"Fucking bastard, so this is your flu? How did I even agree to you, you son of a bitch?!" You shouted out so loud that now the whole hall of students was staring at this scene. Harry finally came behind you and held your shoulders in an attempt to calm you down.

"Hey hey hey, just leave that fucker alone, okay" he whispered in your ear and dragged you away from them towards the drinks table. He handed you a cold drink and you gulped half the drink in one sip, which helped you to calm down.

"Are you okay?" He asked softly, holding your hand for comforting you.

"Yeah, I'm fine just, I should've expected this would happen, I guess. I don't think boyfriend and all is meant for me." You said, feeling a small lump in your throat as you felt tears in your eyes.

"Hey hey hey, now don't say all that." He lifted your chin up and looked into your eyes. "Don't cry over that wanker. You wanna dance with me?" He held out his hand, waiting for your answer. You wiped your tears and smiled at him, taking his hand, which he took as yes.

He took you to the dance floor and held you by the waist, pulling you closer towards him. Some slow music was playing. You held his shoulders and rested your head on his chest, swaying slowly to the music. The space between the two of you was not that prominent now, and you could hear your heart beat very loud and felt that Harry could probably hear it too.

He was feeling sorry. Sorry that you were made upset by a total jerk, but at the same time glad because that was the reason he was here, holding you close, dancing with the prettiest girl he knew, the girl he had liked over the years. He could smell sweet shampoo from your hair, mixed with some perfume you had applied, lulling him into a trance of you.

The beat of the music changed as the DJ changed into another song with faster rhythm, making you pull away from each other as you matched to the rhythm. He accompanied too, although he wasn’t too great of a dancer, but he still looked cute trying to match your moves, making you giggle at him. You danced to a few more songs, before you felt a little hungry and thirsty, signalling Harry who was feeling the same. You went to the snack counter and got some snacks for both of you, while he got the drinks. You quickly chugged the drink and snacks at once, making him laugh, you following suit.

“Thanks for this Harry, I’m really enjoying prom.”

“You’re welcome, love.” you froze a little at that nickname. Love, huh. You’d love to get used to that nickname. You just smiled in response.

The rest of the prom just went in a blur. All that you really remembered and cared about was when you sneaked out of the party and took a walk in the park. You both were just walking side by side, hands brushing every now and then. Harry suddenly stopped and let out a deep breath.

“Hey, (y/n)?”

“Yeah Harry?”

He cupped your cheeks and leaned in, pressing a soft kiss on your lips, catching you off guard. Slowly you melted into the kiss, moving your lips against his soft ones. He pulled away from you, eyes closed and pressed his forehead against yours, hands still cupping your cheeks.

"Would this be a good time to say that I like you? Like maybe we could be something more?" His eyes slowly opened, looking into your (y/e/c) eyes, both of you knew the answer.

"Yes Harry, I'd love that." You said smiling, making him grin from ear to ear. He leaned in again to kiss you harder, one hand still on your cheek while the other pulled you closer by the waist to practically press into his chest. Your hands went around his neck as you kissed him harder as well, with more passion, as if letting out all of the tension into it. Needless to say, this was your happiest memory of your lives.

----

(Age 23)

You never thought that you'd be in a relationship this long, but here you were, six years later. Harry was now a professional photographer and often had lots of photoshoots lined up for him. You had decided to take up journalism, as you were fond of writing a lot and often wrote plenty of articles in your school days.

You both now lived together in an apartment of your own, not very far from the Hollands'. You were both busy in your professional lives, but always found time for each other as well. You’d maybe go out on dates to a restaurant or to the movies, or have a night in having a movie night or just do something goofy or have some fun ;)

He has always made you feel complete. Neither of you really felt the pressure to go to the next step, which was marriage, or well so you thought. Harry would lie if he said that it didn’t occur to him. However, he knew that you weren’t ready just yet. He did not mind much, so as long as he could be with you all his life.

You were sitting and having tea with one of your colleagues Sally, who was also a good friend of yours. You were just sitting and discussing stuff about some work and boyfriends, bitching away about some stupid colleagues in your office.

“Oh also, I have something to say.” she said in a very excited voice.

“Oooh what is it?” you asked, curious as to what she was going to say. She simply squeeled a little and  thrust her left hand in front of your eyes and you saw a beautiful silver princess cut diamond cut ring on her ring finger. You covered your mouth, a big smile on your face. You gave her a big hug. You were so happy for her.

“Oh my god, Ricky proposed? I cannot believe this! When did this happen?”

“It happened this morning! He did it when I woke up! Isn’t he so amazing?”

“Of course Sal, I’m so happy for you!”

You could not, however, feel a panging in your heart. It felt a little like a longing pain, as if you would love for something like this to happen. You had no intentions to settle for a long term commitment like a marriage, but maybe, just maybe, there was a teeny tiny part in you that perhaps wanted that with Harry.

“So what about you and Harry? Are you guys planning to marry any time soon?” she asked cheekily. You gave a clamped smile.

“Marriage? Pass.” you said, trying to sound nonchalant, even though your voice quivered a bit.

“Are you sure though hun? I mean, you and Harry have been going strong for years now. Don’t you even think about it sometimes?” 

You gulped. She was kind of right.

“I don’t know, maybe? Ok, yes maybe I’ve thought of this a few times.” you paused to take a sip of your coffee and continued, “well actually speaking, I have some issues to be in a long term commitment. So far, I am kinda surprised that I’ve been in a relationship this long, although Harry is really amazing. It’s just that, I don’t want that if we marry then something happens, creating a wedge between us, and then we have to split up. Like, in the case of my parents as well, who couldn’t wait to leave each other. I guess, I’m just scared of that happening, that’s all.”

“Oh I see. Hey, its normal to feel scared of what may happen in the future. I would be lying too if I said that I’m scared too. But sometimes, we just have to go for it, you know? Life is a roller coaster, yes, but if you find the right person to spend it with, then you’ll be ready to face them.” she held your hand to give you assurance. You let out a breath and nodded in agreement.

“Thank you so much, Sal. Also congratulations again! I’m so happy for you!” you hugged her again and headed towards your bike to go back to your apartment, Sally’s words never leaving your mind.

----

(many weeks later)

You were sitting in your office cubicle, editing an article on your computer. Suddenly you saw Sam’s name flashing on your phone as it buzzed since you had put it on silent. Sensing that something was up, since he never called you while you were at work unless it was an emergency, you picked up the phone, a “hello?” leaving your mouth. If you were not mistaken, you could hear him crying.

“Sam? What happened? Is everything okay?” you asked, getting worried.

“Oh (y/n), come to the hospital quickly. Harry’s been admit-ted.” he stuttered, followed by more cries. Your hand flew to your mouth, you went into a shock. Harry? In the hospital? Was he ok? With so many questions buzzing in your mind, you managed to mutter a quick yes and got up from your desk, gathering your bag and telling your boss briefly that you needed to go to the hospital urgently, to which he agreed. You quickly climbed on your bike and drove to the hospital, which was thankfully not very far off.

You went to the receptionist, where Sam was standing, waiting for you. Seeing you walk towards him, he just gave you a hug, tears dropping from his eyes. You hugged back, trying your best to soothe your best friend by patting on his back.

“It’s ok Sam. Where is he?” your voice was suddenly high as you choked back your tears. He just led you to a hospital room, where Tom was sitting beside the hospital bed, face tear stained. He gave you a small and faint smile when he saw you. Your eyes finally fell on Harry, who was lying on the bed, his eyes closed. The heart monitor was bleeping, he had an oxygen mask on his face. Many wires were attached to his left hand, for medicine and blood supplies. He had some bandages on his left arm and his left leg as well.

“Wh-what exactly h-happened?” you stuttered, tears spilling from your eyes. 

“He got into a crash, and got injured. The doctor said that he hasn’t suffered too many injuries, but he is yet to gain consciousness.” Tom said, voice still shaking. “We’re all just waiting for him to wake up.”

You took a seat beside the bed and held his right hand, which did not have any needles. You muttered a silent prayer for him to get well soon. You stroked his hair as he kept on sleeping peacefully.

----

Harry finally regained consciousness two days later. You all were so happy and relieved. The doctor also gave good news that he was better and would be good to go in two more days, as he had to do some minor check ups. You were relieved that he was going to be alright. You had been so afraid to lose him, as you couldn’t imagine your life without him. He had been your support all your life. 

Oh. Oh. A realization hit you. He was your whole life. You did not want to spend your life without him. This episode of almost losing him had made you realize it. You quickly made your way towards Harry’s room, where he was just lying awake. Sam was telling him something, and he had an amused look on his face.

“Hey, babe. How are you feeling?”

“Better. How’re you?”

“I’m great. Hey, could I talk to you for a minute?”

“Yeah sure, (y/n/n) what is it?”

You took a deep breath. “So uhh, I’ve actually been thinking ever since we almost lost you. I don’t know, but it got me thinking. You know how I’ve always been wary of the idea of marriage, as I have always feared that what happened to my parents, would happen to us, which is not what I want. But umm, I’ve realized that I never wanna lose you, ever. I cannot imagine a life without you with me. Also, what Sally said to me the other day, made me realize that you are indeed the right person for me.”

“Oh my- wow (y/n) so, are you saying that um, that umm you’d consider taking the next step?” he asked, hoping you’d say yes.

“Yes Harry.” you tucked a hair strand behind your hair, took his hand in yours and continued, “so Harry, I know this is probably not the place to say this, we’re in a friggin hospital” he chuckled as you smiled and continued, “but maybe, when time comes, and I’m hoping it comes soon enough, do you wanna consider maybe going further? Like, be together forever?”

“You have no idea how much I’ve waited for this.”

“Is that a yes?”

He just pulled you towards him in response and caressed your cheek, attaching his lips to yours. You kissed him back gladly, smiling into the kiss. He pulled away and stroked his finger on your hand, whispering a “yes”, a goofy grin on his face.

The End

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[mcfiddlestan]

WinterFrost Single Dads AU

Okay, I promised you a second chapter. Contains a flashback scene so...there's that, lol. Still looking for suggestions for a title.

xoxo, La

P.S. I'm totally working on a banner too. 🖤

Pairing: Loki x Bucky Barnes (there are others past and future, but I’m not giving them away just yet)

Rating: M

Word count: 2,712

Summary: Loki is living a great life as a Manhattan lawyer and constantly partying with Tony Stark, his best friend. Loki’s life before he came to New York more than a decade ago is a mystery for those close to him. But it’s all about to come to light when he gets a call from someone in his past.

Bucky is just trying to catch a break. A few hookups with a fellow soldier led to a quickie marriage and baby – and two years later, a quick divorce. His daughter is now eight years old and the light of his life. But he can’t seem to get his shit together. Struggling to find a job and keep a hold on his sobriety, it’s a one-night stand that gives him the kick in the ass he needs to be the man his daughter believes he is.

Warnings: Mature language and situations, some drug use, and talk about addiction.

Read chapter one here.

Chapter 2

“It’s good to hear your voice, brother. After all this time.”

Loki was silent, struggling to find his words. Finally, he let out a short, frustrated breath and pressed his fingers to the dull ache still pulsating at his temple. “Let’s not pretend to reminisce, Thor. It’s been far too long for that.” Thor let out an anxious chuckle over the line. “What’s so urgent that you called four times? And left no message.”

“Ah, Loki. I don’t know how to tell you this.”

“What is it? Just say it. I’m sure it’s not as difficult as you might think. Is Odin on his deathbed?”

Silence. “…Loki.”

“I can’t imagine he’d encourage you to call me with the news.”

“Loki.”

“I highly doubt it would be my face he would want to see as his last image before he finally leaves this earth.”

“Loki!”

“What?!”

Thor sighed, muttered a curse in Norwegian. “For Norn’s sake, I didn’t call you to talk about Odin.” Loki remained quiet this time, waiting. When Thor spoke again, his voice was lower and thick with emotion. “It’s…it’s Sigyn. She’s gone.”

Loki’s breath released in one big whoosh. His hand moved, pressed to the center of his chest, where a sharp pain began to bloom. “Wh—what? I—when?”

“Yesterday.”

“But…” She’s only thirty-two years old, he thought. She’s still so young. Loki made incomprehensible noises for a moment, too many questions springing into his mind. Finally, he settled on one. “H…how?”

“Uh, a brain hemorrhage. She was in a car accident a few days ago. She seemed fine, with no visible injuries. And then…she wouldn’t wake up. By the time we got her to the hospital…it was too late.”

Loki squeezed his eyes shut and pulled the phone away from his ear, pressing his mouth to his wrist to muffle his cry.

“Loki?” Thor’s voice reached him.

“Yes, I—” He had to catch his breath. “Why didn’t anyone call me sooner? What about the boys? Were they with her in the car? Are they all right?”

“No, they weren’t with her. They’re just fine. Well, as fine as two young boys can be after losing their mother.” Thor went quiet as Loki struggled to contain his tears and hide his sniffling. “Loki, Sigyn left a will.”

Loki cleared his throat and mopped at his face with his sleeve. “She what?”

“Her attorney contacted Mother because she’s listed as a contact for the boys, and he says she left some instructions. He’s asked that you and Mother, and any other family, get together so he may let us know what she wished to happen following her…death.”

Loki went quiet again. What instructions? “Right.” Whatever they were, Loki couldn’t deal with it at the moment. “Erm, listen, Thor, I’m going to have my assistant call you later. If you could get all the information for her arrangements to him — times and dates and the location’s address so I can send some flowers ahead — I’d appreciate it. I’m going to try to find the next flight out. I’ll let you know when I arrive.”

Thor hesitated. “Well, Loki, there’s something I have to —”

“We’ll talk when I get there, all right. I promise. Thank you for calling, Thor.” Loki ended the call before Thor could say more. Dropping the phone to the coffee table before him and his head in his hands, Loki fell back on the sofa, letting the tears come. As Loki let the grief overwhelm him, he thought back to the last time he saw Sigyn — the one he always considered got away.

----------------------------------------------

“You can’t just leave with them! Those are my children!”

“Yes, I can. They are my children, too.” Sigyn stood still in the small living room of their tiny house while Loki paced around her. His breath came in short huffs; his pale cheeks had gone red. She’d never seen Loki this upset in the entire time they’d known each other. Barely three years. “Don’t you see it’s better this way for everybody?”

Loki suddenly stopped before her, demanding to know how it was better. Sigyn jolted at his sharpened tone, and he forced himself to reign in his temper. “It’s not better for me,” he said in a softer yet still tense voice.

“Will you please calm down, darling?”

Loki scoffed and started pacing again. “Sigyn, don’t use that tone with me. Where are you going to go? Back home to your father?”

Sigyn breathed in, letting it out on a soft sigh. She was waiting for the question. And dreading his response to — well, all of it. “Yes. For now. He and Mamma are making space for us as we speak. Loki, you’re not welcome here anymore.” She swallowed when he turned those hard emerald eyes on her. “Do you not see how you’re now ostracized? Everybody blames you for Baldur’s — accident.”

Loki continued to glare, even as his eyes filled. “You said you believed me.”

“I do.”

“Baldur had many more issues than anyone in this family was willing to hear about or deal with, and I tried to help him; I was the only one who would listen. I didn’t know he grabbed it! How was I to know that he would —“

“You were there!” Sigyn’s frustration and pain came through her words, too. “That was enough — for most people. Your very presence was enough to place the blame where they can find no other. I know, Loki. I know no one knew him as you did. Maybe that’s why it’s so easy to blame you and not him. But — your children — our children cannot grow up in that shadow, Loki. They’ll never have a chance.”

All the fight left in Loki vanished at that moment; he had been defeated. He knew Sigyn, the light of his life, the woman he didn’t know he’d always wanted, was right, but still… “What am I supposed to do?” he asked, his voice small, his eyes welling.

Sigyn’s eyes filled, as well, and she stepped forward, reaching for Loki’s hands. “Live your life, my darling.” Loki met her gaze directly. “You won’t have much of a chance here either. Odin will make sure you don’t.” He nodded. “You had so many plans to make something of yourself, to be more than your father’s legacy. Don’t let any of this stop you.”

Loki sniffled, shook his head, gripping Sigyn’s hand as if it was his only lifeline. “How? How am I supposed to do any of it without you?”

Sigyn smiled through watery eyes when Loki looked into her eyes again. “Take what’s left of your inheritance.” Loki cocked a brow. “Odin won’t fight you on that. And you don’t need me, Loki. You never have. Remember what we said?”

He briefly closed his eyes before looking up to the ceiling, almost as if in prayer, nodding. “We are strong on our own, just stronger together.”

“Right,” she agreed softly.

Loki’s breath hitched. “But what if I don’t feel like that anymore, Sigyn? What if I don’t…” his voice broke, and when he spoke again, it was in a cracking whisper. “What if I don’t know how to live without you?”

Sigyn buried her face in Loki’s chest then, fitting into his side like two jigsaw puzzle pieces coming together perfectly. “You’ll learn,” she all but croaked. “You’ll adapt, just as you always have done.” She tipped her head back to smile up at him, even as a tear escaped down the side of her cheek. “You’re a survivor, my Loki. You always have a plan.”

Loki grinned, brushing away the tear, moving his fingers across Sigyn’s skin to brush at the soft curling hairs at her temple. “And where do you suggest I go, my Sigyn? Min kjære.” His eyes filled again. “Since you seem to have all the answers.”

Sigyn stepped back, raised her hand, pressing it to the side of Loki’s face, as much to bring his eyes back to her as to dry the tears sliding down his sharp-angled cheek. “Anywhere. Everywhere. London. Paris. Rome. You always wanted to go to America.”

Loki took another shaky breath as he pulled her hand from his face, twisting his wrists to hold both of her hands against his chest. “Who am I if I’m not your partner? Or their father?”

“You are Loki Laufeyson. You are your own man.”

Loki scoffed again, with much more disgust this time. “Norns. I hate that name.”

“Then change it.”

The tears subsided; Loki let out a weak chuckle and lifted his brows in question. “Change it? To what?”

Sigyn grinned softly, shrugged, and stepped back further, gently tugging her hands from Loki’s grasp. “To whatever you want, min skatt. I know you won’t take Odinson. You could take my name.” They grinned at each other. “Maybe Friggasson?”

Loki breathed a chuckle, then paused. His breathing had finally calmed. But his heart still ached, his stomach still twisted in knots. “Are you sure about this, Siggy?”

She smiled even as her eyes filled with tears again. Her chin trembled, and it was all Loki could do not to grab her close and hold her. “No,” she answered, her voice wavering, “but I know it’s what I have to do for my boys.”

Loki knew he was fighting a losing battle. His heart was breaking, but he had to accept this, his new fate. They stood there, facing each other, in silence, both knowing it was time for this to end but neither knowing how to do it.

“I should probably get going. I have a long drive ahead of me.”

“Sigyn —” Loki stopped her, touching his fingers to her arm before she could move away. She looked up at him, her big blue eyes questioning, and, almost automatically, turned, so her hand rested on his forearm. Loki tugged her closer, lifting his hands to frame her face. Unsure what to say, Loki simply tilted up her chin and laid his lips on hers. Sigyn made a slight noise in her throat, but she didn’t pull away, and Loki slipped his hands into her wavy copper hair, deepening the kiss. Moments later, Sigyn eased her mouth away.

“Loki. Stop.”

He kept her close, resting his forehead on hers. “Come with me. Please? We’ll take the boys. We’ll go somewhere — anywhere you want.”

“Loki. No,” she sobbed. “I don’t want to leave my home.”

“You are leaving your home,” Loki insisted. He felt Sigyn pull further away, and this time, reluctantly, he let her go.

“I need to go. Do…” Sigyn’s breath hitched, and she did her best to dry her eyes and cheeks. “Do you want to say goodbye to the boys?”

Loki had turned away, a hand covering his face, but he looked at Sigyn now, with tears in his eyes, and nodded.

Sigyn walked out of the room and disappeared down the hallway. When she emerged again, she headed back into the living room, this time holding the hand of a dark-haired boy just over a year old who toddled beside her and another boy, an infant with lighter, reddish wisps of hair, nestled in the crook of her arm.

Loki smiled as best he could, reaching for the baby they’d named Valí, wiggling in Sigyn’s arms, and fought tears as he pressed his lips to the baby’s forehead. He whispered to him in Norwegian as Valí, just a few months old, blinked up at him with dark-blue eyes. Sigyn moved forward to take Valí, and Loki bent to pick up his oldest son, Narfi.

Narfi let out a giggle and immediately wrapped his short arms around Loki’s neck. Loki kissed his cheek, running a hand over his short dark curls. “Take care of your Mamma. And know that your Papa loves you. Always,” he managed on a broken whisper.

Sigyn, Loki was somewhat relieved to see, was fighting her own tears, wiping at her face again as Loki set Narfi on his feet. “We never said this was going to be forever, Loki.”

Loki sniffled as he nodded and tried to regain his composure. “No, we didn’t. But I was counting on it. It would be nice if just one thing in my life were permanent.”

Sigyn reached for Narfi’s hand, and together, they started for the door. Unsure how he would make it through these next few minutes, Loki moved ahead of them to hold the door open.

“Will you call me when you get there?”

Sigyn stopped beside him and shook her head. “No, Loki. I’m afraid this goodbye has to be it.”

Loki nodded. She was barely over the threshold when he snagged her hand, the one holding Narfi’s tiny one. “I love you, Sigyn. I always have, and I always will. And if you ever change your mind…” He left the rest of the sentence dangle between them.

Sigyn nodded, tears welling and spilling. “I’m so sorry things had to be this way. I want you to know that I will love you until my dying day, Loki.”

His breath hitched again. Loki unwillingly released Sigyn, and a hand flew up to his mouth as he tried to stifle the cry that inevitably escaped him. He stood there — he didn't know long — until the sound of Sigyn’s car had long faded into the distance.

----------------------------------------------

Loki was self-aware enough to know the day Sigyn left had changed him significantly. After that, he stopped looking for love or any kind of meaningful connection beyond friendship. He took Sigyn’s advice, and after securing his inheritance from Odin, who readily and happily released it, Loki left for America. And he never looked back. He earned his law degree and managed to establish himself as a ruthless and successful attorney over the next ten years.

Loki met the infamous Tony Stark in the first year of his arrival to New York at a party on campus. Tony wasn’t a student — in fact, he was a couple of years older than Loki — but he was somehow popular with everyone, Loki found. After a very brief dalliance, they remained close friends, and years later, when Tony’s father Howard died, Tony inherited Howard’s multi-million dollar, multinational company, Stark Industries, and hired Loki as his in-house counsel. Together, Loki and Tony lived two very different versions of bachelor life. Tony, a known playboy, none too discreetly kept a busy schedule of beauties, both male and female, rotating through his bedroom door. Whereas Loki, who never directly declared his sexuality yet neither ignored a mutual attraction to whatever gender or sexuality presented itself, kept his private business private. They’d indulged themselves in anything and everything, bringing along Tony’s friends, Pepper Potts and James Rhodes. In their wildest years, there were entire days Loki couldn’t remember.

Waking from a deep sleep brought on by the exhaustion of grief and his crying, in what was now late afternoon if the sun’s position meant anything, Loki abruptly decided a night of indulgence was precisely the kind of distraction he needed. He reached for his phone again, ignoring the messages and missed calls from Fandral and what he recognized as the number where he had reached Thor, and dialed Tony’s number from memory. “Stark. Get dressed. I’ll be at the Tower in fifteen minutes. I need your expertise.”

Loki used Tony’s influence all over the city that night, though his own name carried as much if not equal prestige in some places. They went to various clubs, private establishments, and the occasional bar or pub, looking for anything that would provide a good time. Loki had never been a big drinker and only dabbled in recreational drug use, but he was chucking everything aside tonight, hoping to kill the deep-seated ache in his heart that Sigyn’s passing had left behind.

They picked up a few people along the way, creating their own little entourage. And as usual, it was Tony who seemed to be enjoying himself more than anyone. But it was later in the evening, in a dark little bar in Brooklyn Heights, that Loki would find the exact kind of distraction for which he’d been searching.

[ladycatofwinterfell]

64

64. “Make up your mind! Do you love me or not?”

She took a deep breath and rolled over to look at her husband. Or, well, her husband’s back, since they as it was slept with their backs to each other. He was still her husband. Even though he was nowhere close to being the man she had married. At least he wasn’t to her. And she supposed she wasn’t much like the woman he had married either. She didn’t know whose fault all that was. She didn’t know where to place the blame. Maybe it belonged with both of them, maybe only with one, maybe it was no one’s fault at all. Maybe it had just slowly been dying the previous eleven years and their situation had been unavoidable from the first moment. Maybe it had been doomed to end all the way from the beginning. She didn’t want to think so.

She wanted to believe there was some way to breathe life back into what had once been. Because she loved him. She did. But it wasn’t enough. And it ached in her. It ached so much that she thought she would die. She wished there had been an easy solution. But there was no easy solution. She wanted to stay with him more than anything else in the world, but she couldn’t keep going as it was. It was slowly killing her. She couldn’t remember the last time she had touched him. She couldn’t remember the last night she had slept with his arms around her. He was still in the same bed, he was next to her all through the night, but there was so much empty space between them. Like a sad symbol for the general distance that was present in their marriage.

“Ned” she found herself saying.

“Yes, Catelyn?” he sighed.

He didn’t even turn to look back at her. And he answered her with just Catelyn. Not a pet name, not even Cat. Just Catelyn. He had done that sometimes before, but almost never when it was just them. And never in that tone, like it annoyed him that she was talking.

“I can’t” she said, feeling the tears starting to rise in her eyes.

“Can’t what?”

“I can’t do this anymore.”

Her voice broke at the last word and she couldn’t hold back the tears. When she married him she hadn’t even been able to imagine that she would one day be crying in bed, telling him that she couldn’t keep going anymore.

She loved him. She loved him. She loved him. She loved him. She loved him. But she didn’t know if he loved her. It didn’t feel like it. And she didn’t know if she wanted him to love her. If he did it would just be proof of that their love wasn’t enough and had never really been. It would almost be easier if it had been enough, but he had stopped loving her. That would have given some meaning to their marriage.

“Me neither” he said after a long silence.

There was some sort of relief in that they could admit it. Both internally and out loud. None of them could keep going as they were.

“So what do we do now?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that something has to change or both of us will crash and burn.”

She said something, but both of them new exactly what she meant. It had gone so far that she didn’t know if it could be anything else. Even though she wished there was something they could change, something that could save them. She didn’t want to divorce. She wanted her husband.

Ned rolled to his back, keeping his gaze steadily on the ceiling. He refused to look at her, but she could see him. She could see the pain in his eyes, see the way his face laid in sad shadows. And it hurt her to see him that way.

“I wish it could have been different” he said in a low voice.

He rarely cried, but she saw tears glistening in the corners of his eyes then.

“So do I.”

She didn’t know what else to say. Was there anything else to say? She was just about to turn her back to him again, try to sleep even though she knew she wouldn’t sleep a second, when he spoke again.

“I love you” he said.

It was a glimpse of what she had longed for, what she had craved with her whole being, for months. An acknowledgment of that he loved her, that there was still something to fight for. But it came way too late. And it made her angry that he only said so after they had both agreed on that their marriage would come to an end soon.

“Fuck you. Fuck you, Eddard Stark. I cannot believe you’re only saying that now. I have searched, begged, for love and validation from you for so long and you wouldn’t give me a scrap. And now you choose to say that, now you choose to say it like there is something left to fight for. Go to hell.”

She hated him. She hated him. She hated him. She hated him. She hated him. He could burn in hell together with his disgusting calmness.

“Do you love me?”

What was she supposed to answer? Did she love him? She did. And she didn’t. She wanted it all to end, and she wanted to take his face between her hands and explain to him that she loved him so much that she believed it would kill her. All at the same time. It was crazy that so many feelings could fit in one person.

“Does it matter?” she asked instead, trying not to let the bitterness show too much in her voice.

It was easy, all that could be heard in her voice was sorrow. She had to work very heard to keep the tears still and not just break down in sobs.

“I would like to believe that it does.”

“I love you. And I don’t love you.”

That seemed to make him angry. Or at least deeply annoyed. Just like all of their conversations had ended up in fight lately, maybe that one would as well. She couldn’t believe that there was a chance of that they would fight the last thing they did before they separated.

“Make up your mind! Do you love me or not?”

He looked at her then. And she looked at him. And there was nothing but pain.

“But does it matter? And in what way?” she almost shouted. “Because I’m having trouble seeing it right now. Everything is shit, no matter what we feel.”

“If you love me then maybe, just maybe, there is a chance of that we can fix this. I want to believe so because you’re my wife, I chose you and I love you. More than anything else. And as long as we love each other there is something to fight for. At least I think so. But if you don’t love me I’m more than ready to throw in the towel and call it quits.”

“If I say that I love you, will you promise me that we change things? Because I don’t know what will happen to me if I say it and then we just go back to how it has been lately.”

“I promise, Cat. I promise. I want nothing more than being happy with you again.”

She couldn’t keep from breaking down in sobs then. Her whole body was shaking and she fought to get out words, but in the end she managed to force out a sentence.

“I do love you.”

She loved him. She loved him. She loved him. She loved him. She loved him.

He reached out and took one of her hands. And she held onto it like it was the only thing keeping her alive.

[hotchley]

Honestly loved the way you answered the "hotch has a breakdown later headcanon", but I’d like to take it into a different direction.

Hotch has had so much on his plate for literally years by the time Emily "dies" like if you start at Foyets first appearance he has been stressed and under pressure since season 4 (em "dies" at the end of season 6) but honestly you can take that even further back with the divorce or reids addiction or the fact that Elle shot someone in cold blood or the Boston bombing or... you get the point.

So Emily comes back the reaction of the team is initially positive and then they remember that JJ and Hotch didn’t tell them vital information. Dealing with the fallout would again be huge amount of emotional work and it would be Hotchs responsibility as the unit chief that that work would get done. But he just so tired at this point...

What if the stress and the pressure and the emotional turmoil made him compartmentalize instead of coming to a breaking point?

When would the other team members notice/get worried/take action? How would it affect his work in the field? It would without a doubt affect his relationship with the team, but how would it affect the teams relationships with each other?

~☀️

OH MY GOD HI!! NEW EMOJI!! I AM GLAD YOU WANT TO STAY!!

YES!! I AM HERE FOR THIS!!

Let’s pretend everything started after Boston, just for the maximum angst. My personal HC about this- and something that’s happening in one of my many WIPs- is that Haley found out she was pregnant moments before the phone call came. So even after Boston, he had to prepare for a baby whilst balancing both his and Gideon’s roles.

He got so used to hiding everything and fighting through and just focusing on the most imminent problem/thing- so it would go: spend time with Haley and be enough for her, go solve the case, do the paperwork from said case, go home and repeat- that when he started compartmentalising after Emily... he didn’t even realise.

As for your actual questions... I feel honoured that you’re asking me about this because sometimes I wonder if I can actually write Hotch and then I remember that the writers of the show couldn’t... ANYWAYS!

Morgan notices immediately. He’s seen Hotch fall apart and cry. He’s seen Hotch angry and hurting. So he knows what his emotions look like. As a result, he gets concerned immediately because for gods sake, too much has happened for him to appear completely fine so it must be compartmentalising. He wants to say something at the same time he notices, but the two of them aren’t friends anymore. The trust they had is being rebuilt because it has to be but he won’t rock the boat by commenting.

Rossi notices immediately but doesn’t worry or bother intervening. He believes that Hotch needs to deal with this alone, without ever realising that’s literally the worst thing he could assume and whilst people need to decide they want help, this is unhealthy. And he also still looks at Hotch and sees the young man- still just a kid with his unfailing belief in love and happy endings- even if he doesn’t realise he does so he doesn’t say anything.

JJ and Garcia notice and act at the same time, but their methods of confrontation aren’t really confrontation, they’re acts of comfort. It’s gently touching his shoulder as they lean past him to grab something. Reminding him they love him, coming and saying goodnight- not goodbye- when they’re leaving the office. It doesn’t make the difference they want it to because he won’t ever accept the love they offer because he knows he will break and he cannt do that.

Emily notices when he doesn’t even flinch as she spits something harsh in his face. He believes she doesn’t remember what she said when he told her what happened. But she does. She asked JJ to lie for her, and clearly she did. She wants him to break, so she keeps pushing because that’s who she is. She is the one person that can push him- further than Dave and Derek- and not be faced with resistance. So he shouts at him, and he doesn’t even flinch. But she doesn’t know what she’s meant to do. He doesn’t want to open up to her. Everything has changed. So she keeps her mouth shut.

Reid is the last to realise. Because even after everything that has happened, Hotch is still the closest thing to a father he has. And as a result, he still believes in his invincibility and invulnerability. Nothing can ever rattle Hotch because that would make him human, and Reid clings to the idea that Hotch is something otherworldly. And even when he does notice that Hotch is being strange and detached, he doesn’t worry. Because he’s the baby. It’s not his responsibility. And he thinks everything will be fine.

It isn’t. But he’s still just a kid when compared to the rest of them, so they let him believe that it is.

In the field... he gets more reckless. In situations where a different member of the team would be better suited but at risk, he’s stopping them and going in himself because he cannot let one of them be lost but himself... well... He also becomes more aggressive towards unsubs. He still needs an outlet and it won’t be the team- there are some lines he cannot and will not cross and blaming the team is one of them- so he shouts more. Is angrier. 

But with the team... he’s more reserved than ever before. He’s withdrawn and gentle and soft to the point that it feels like he just wants them to not care about him. Because even if they screw up, he has nothing to say. No sort of comment to make because he just can’t anymore. He comforts them when they need it, no question asked but even doing that feels more and more forced everyday because he is just tired.

As for the teams relationships... it drives Penelope and Derek closer than ever before because they are the only two that can even try and attempt to get through to him. 

It causes a rift between Spencer and JJ, who had only just started getting back where they had been before because he doesn’t see an issue and she knows what this could mean and feels guilty. Emily and JJ grow closer because they want to help but don’t know how so they support each other instead.

It causes a ridiculous amount of arguments between Rossi and Morgan, because Rossi doesn’t agree with intervening and convinces himself it’ll all be fine and he doesn’t have to take any sort of responsibility for Aaron etc. but Derek saw him after Boston. He knows what will happen if they don’t do anything. So it causes some relationships to fracture and others to improve, but even the improvements don’t feel right because it’s only Aaron’s pain forcing them together. 

This got ridiculously long but I have opinions on pretty much every single event where we did not see Hotch’s reaction to things like it’s actually embarrassing