#they also had a toilet paper holder and if i lived on my own i would’ve bought it

[kuchipark]

back from germany, didn’t start any world wars so i think it went well!

[breadoffoxy]

The D Box

Summary: What happens when you're moving and your friend accidentally unpacks your sex toy box? Chaos and advantageous situations.

Written for the BTS Ghostie Writers Bingo Bash. Prompt: "I’ve made a mistake.”

Pairing: Yoongi x f. Reader, Yoongi x f. Reader x Jin x Jungkook

Genre: Smut, NSFW

Warnings: NSFW, Angst, Smut, Foursome, FMMM, unsafe sex, oral sex, sex toys, language, dirty talk, multiple orgasms, anal sex, vaginal sex, animal tail butt plugs, vibrators, hair pulling, exhibitionism, sub!Jungkook, sub!Reader, Dom!Yoongi, Dom!Jin

Word Count: 6,318

A/N: Thanks @chelsea-chee​ for helping me figure out some of the logistics for this fic. Foursomes are hard.

"Remember we need toilet paper. Oh, and paper plates because we don't want to worry about dishes. Did we add dish soap to the list? Toilet paper..." You scratch your head trying to remember everything.  

Namjoon stands half way out your door. "Yep, we went over  it  y/n. Don't worry, I have it all memorized."  

Hoseok  waves his phone from where he stands behind your mutual friend, a list of all the supplies you need up on his screen. You nod at  Hoseok  reassuringly, but Namjoon thinks the nod is for himself.  

"Great!" He claps his hands. "Now that that's settled, we'll be going now." Your clumsy friend turns, nearly missing the small step at the end of your little porch, following a laughing  Hoseok  to  Hoseok's  bright yellow car parked in front of the street.  

You hide a snicker behind your hand, but it gets cut off into an indignant, "Hey!" when two excited bodies bump into you on their way out the door.  

"Sorry y/n!" Jimin and Taehyung exclaim at the same time, giggling as they head over to Jimin's  sleek  black car.   

"Don't forget the sauce this time!" You yell across the yard.  

Taehyung salutes you, shouting "Yes, boss!"  

Opening the car door, Jimin points at you with keys in hand. "You guys better have so many boxes unpacked by the time we are back, or I'm going to eat your tacos!"  

"Don't you dare touch my tacos Jimin!" You yell back aggressively.  

"YA, stop yelling! You're going to irritate your new neighbors!" Your friend  Jin  screams somewhere within the house.  

Yep, you were off to a great start.  

The sound of tires screeching fills the street as Jimin takes off with Taehyung to pick up your food order. You shut the door, screaming internally.   

"You ok?" Yoongi asks. He looks up from his phone from where he's sitting on your cheap futon surrounded by boxes. His form is swallowed by a large, comfy looking, bright hoodie.   

You walk over and slide down on the floor, leaning against a stack. Gazing around the room, you look at the boxes that fill up the tiny living room area. Pretty much your whole life right here.   

"Yeah, I'll be fine." You say, wiping a hand down your face tiredly.   

You haven't had a restful moment in  a while . You just escaped a crazy, toxic roommate. It was a struggle to find a place you could afford on your own, having to depend on roommates for years. It was liberating, but at the same time you were scared to be all alone.  

"Don't worry." Yoongi looks back at his phone. Shaking his head, his beautiful dark brown, nearly reddish bangs sways around his  forehead. "We'll  get you all set up and everything will be ok, trust me."  

" Thanks,  Yoongi." Your heart feels a little warmer, knowing your friends were with you, that  he  was here with you. Shyly, your fingers play with the ends of your sweater.  

"What do you mean ' we '." An agitated voice says, making you look up to see an irritated Jungkook carrying a heavy box labeled kitchen like it weighs nothing.   

Jungkook's cute strawberry red hair contrasts slightly with the serious face he is wearing and his bulging muscles. He's wearing an unbuttoned light blue shirt with a white shirt with a deep scoop underneath. You look away before you start admiring the sweat glistening on his chest.  

"I'm the only one moving things to their rooms." Jungkook huffs.  

"I'm doing my job." Yoongi leans further back into the uncomfortable piece of furniture, making it look anything but. "I'm the moral support. Good job, by the way."   

Jungkook's eyes widen at his elder's praise. "Aw, it's nothing really."  

"Way to carry the team, Kooky." You add, giving him a thumbs-up.  

"Find another box for me boss." He grins at you, smiling cutely at the nickname. He could never be mad at the two of you really.  

"Jungkook where is that box?"  Jin  peeks his blonde head around the corner where your minuscule hallway kitchen is. He waves his arms clad in a comfy looking sweater around in impatience.  

"Don't tell me what to do." Jungkook grumbles, making his way towards the kitchen.  

"Well then hurry it up." Fires back  Jin .   

You just shake your head from the muted bickering. Those two never stop. Standing up, you start circling the boxes, trying to find the labels you wrote in black marker. Slowly, you start organizing the boxes by room, making it easy for Jungkook to move them to the right places. Yoongi, true to his word, says words of encouragement from his spot on the couch as you work. The clattering of dishes can be heard in the kitchen,  Jin  taking over and organizing that space for you.   

"This should be the last bed room box,  Kookie ." You hand him a box with a 'D' labeled on the side. "Looks like it's a desk box, so I don't know if you want to start putting it out on my desk?"  

"For sure." He nods, taking the box from you, walking down the short distance to your bedroom.  

He took off his blue shirt long ago now, and you can't help but eye his back appreciatively as he leaves the room.  

"Don't make me jealous y/n." Yoongi warns behind you, not looking up from his phone.  

You sputter incoherently, staring at the dark-haired man with wide eyes. He looks up from his phone with a devious smirk.  

"I'm kidding." He chuckles and looks back at his phone, texting rapidly. "The kid has a nice back."  

Oh. Your heart falls a little bit at his teasing. Now you're the jealous one.  

"He does." You concede pitifully.  

Your  remark  makes Yoongi pause his texting. A confused and worried look crosses his face at your tone and he tries to catch your eyes with his. You already averted your gaze from the man, looking around the room for something to distract yourself with.   

"I'll take this one to the kitchen." You luckily find a box with a 'K' labeled on top of one of the remaining stacks. Sliding it off, you walk away quickly, and pretend you don't hear the questioning call of your name from the man sitting on the couch.  

Somewhat haphazardly, you put the box on your tiny counter. You see your tall, broad, blonde, handsome, plus the whole thesaurus on adjectives for beautiful, friend  Jin  unwrapping your assorted coffee mugs and organizing them in one of the small cabinets.   

"I hope there was nothing fragile in that one." He looks over a little concerned before continuing his task.   

You grab the scissors on the counter and cut the tape on the box. Silently, you open it and start unpacking its contents, unwrapping bundled silverware and utensils.   

Jin  stops what he is doing to turn and face you fully. "Ok, this is the part where you are supposed to be 'I know what I'm doing  Jin '." He changes the pitch of his voice to sound like yours at the end. "Seriously, what's up?"  

"I-" you start, but don't know how to continue. "Where should we put this silverware. The door next to the fridge, or this one here?"  

"That one makes better since with the organization I think."  Jin  suggests, trying not to push but the curiosity and worry is evident in his posture.  

You pull out the silverware holder at the bottom of the box and start mindlessly filling it with the now scattered silverware on the counter.  

"All this is so new, you know." You shrug, focusing on the task in front of you instead of the man beside you. "Guess I'm a little scared. Mainly just tired probably. I'll be ok."  

"I'll be right back."  Jin  pats you on the shoulder as he scoots around you in the narrow alley kitchen.  

Continuing your task, you don't notice when he returns until a picture frame of you and the rest of your friends helping you move is placed on the corner of the counter. He gives you a smile, angling it just right.  

"See, look. It feels homier in here already."  Jin  smiles at you, his hand comes up to rub your shoulder reassuringly. "We'll be here for you."  

"Thanks." A resemblance of a smile appears on your face, and you bump your hip into his.   

The blonde man's smile turns softer at the action. He grabs a handful of other utensils to put in a neighboring door. His eyebrows furrow suddenly. "Also, Yoongi looks  kinda  pitiful in there. Did he say something untactful and make you upset? I can make him beg for forgiveness."  

You let out a puff of air. "Nothing happened, we were just admiring Jungkook's backside and he made a joke. Nothing bad, I just..." you shrug, not really sure what you want to say anymore.  

"Ah I get it."  Jin  rests his hips on the counter, turning to face you with his arms crossed. "You want him to admire your backside, isn't that right?"  

" Wha - no  pshhhh ."   

You look away quickly, eyes falling on the picture next to  Jin  on the counter instead. Suddenly, a horrific realization strikes you.  

" Jin , if you talked to Yoongi, you got that picture from the living room, right?"   

"Yeah, got it from a box with a lower case 'd' on it. Should I not have?"  Jin  looks at you a little lost on why you are asking now about it.  

Everything seems to freeze as your mind hyper-processes everything. You only had one desk box, and if it was in the living room, then the box Jungkook was going through was definitely not your desk box.  

"I've made a mistake."  

With that, you dash out of the kitchen, leaving a very confused looking  Jin  behind. You nearly slam into the wall as you round the corner into the hallway, nearly scaring the life out of Yoongi. You skitter towards your room and stand in the door way frozen, much like the man giving you a deer in the headlights look as he holds a large, thick, silicone dildo in his hands.  

The box with the capital 'D' didn't stand for desk, but for dick. It sits opened in front of your friend, revealing a plethora of toys and you feel yourself die with shame a little on the inside.  

Jungkook gets over his shock at your sudden appearance, and he wiggles his eyebrows at you suggestively while waving the dildo. Its flexible, curved build, makes the tip bounce at the motion.  

"So-" Jungkook can be a cocky ass and he knows it.  

"Jungkook, no." You try to cut off anything he's about to say.  

"-you have quite the collection here. How often do you use this." he points the dildo at you, and you glare at the rather generous sized head.  

"Put it back in the box, now." You demand.  

"Put what back in the box y/n?"  

"Don't be a brat Jungkook."  

"Oh, come on just say it." He raises an eye brow as a challenge, and his finger presses the button at the end of the device.   

The dildo hums lowly as it starts vibrating on different settings. You glare at him, hoping he would get bored and put it away, but instead he starts clicking through the different speed settings. He stares at the dildo in wonder at the highest setting, and that is when you make your move.  

You run, tackling the man on the bed. It feels like you hit a solid wall, and the air is knocked out of the both of you. Scurrying up his body, you try to grab the vibrating dildo before he recovers. The dick box becomes a victim to your scramble as your foot kicks it, knocking it off the bed and its contents clattering to the floor noisily.   

Just as your fingers graze the dildo, Jungkook recovers. The next thing you know, you're being flipped and now you are the one laying on the bed with Jungkook hovering over you. One of his hands easily encompasses both of yours and he holds them above your head. Both of you are panting heavily, his face too close to yours and his breath fans your face. Your eyes are lost in his and something about this atmosphere feels too heavy to just be a friendly game.   

Ever so slowly, the purple dildo comes closer to your face. You hear it more than see its approach as your eyes are glued onto the dilated eyes above you. The soft tip brushes against your lips, the vibrations making you jolt from pleasure and unexpected anticipation.  

"What-Jungkook, get off her right now!" Jin yells from the door way, shocked.  

The spell between the two of you is broken, and Jungkook flies off your body as if electrocuted. Jin stomps over and rips the dildo out of the younger man's hands and turns it off.  

Propping yourself up on your elbows, you avoid the worried glance of Jin, and become mortified when you see the figure silently standing in the door way. When your gaze meets his, Yoongi looks down and picks up something off the floor. He stands back up and you can now see him holding your magic wand.  

Just fucking great.  

You hide your face in your hands in shame and let out a mortified groan. "I made a mistake, I'm so sorry guys. Just please ignore all of this."  

"It's no big deal." Yoongi says, before turning the magic wand on experimentally. "It's just sex toys."  

"This is a lady's private collection." Jin says, trying to defend your honor.   

"Well, the lady does look like she needs to relax." Yoongi says as he approaches the bed.  

He sits on the edge of the bed and looks at you. You can't decipher the emotions in his eyes. Yoongi bites his bottom lip nervously, and Yoongi never does nervous. Not with you at least. The tip of the vibrating, silicone head touches your leg, making you jump.  

"I know this is a sex toy, but it's also a massager. You've been so uptight lately- sorry- I just want to help. Can I?" He asks sincerely.   

The look in his eye is one you can't refuse. Biting your own lip in return, you nod. He moves the wand up and down your leg gently, soothing your tired limb.  

"Give that here." Jin tosses the purple toy on the bed before snagging the magic wand from Yoongi.   

Your shocked that the man doesn't drop it in the box, but instead crawls on the bed behind you. Soothing vibrations massage the tired muscles on your back, making you moan in appreciation.  

"Y/n wants her backside taken care of, isn't that right love?"  Jin  says as if  it's  the most obvious thing.  

With your eyes now closed, you shift to make more of your back  accessible . You enjoy the impromptu massage while trying to dispel the sight of sex toys everywhere in the same room with your friends. In your blissful state, you completely miss the goading look  Jin  sends Yoongi over your shoulder, and the dark-haired man's scowl he throws back at the blonde.  

"Woah, y/n, are you a furry?" Jungkook calls out excitedly.   

This has your eyes open instantly, head whipping to the side to look at the youngest, ready to deny everything. In his hands are two tails. One a bright pink bunny tail and the other a red and black fox tail. Attached to the ends of both are flared, glass plugs.   

Will the shame ever  end?  

You slap a hand to your face, hoping to knock the embarrassment out. No point trying to convince the red head now. "It's more for aesthetic than anything, I think it looks cute. The fox one is easier to...ah nevermind."  

"What? I'm curious." Jungkook asks. You don't know if the appearance of his bambi eyes is genuine or if he's acting naive to make you explain embarrassingly.  

Yoongi leans over slightly and plucks the fox plug from Jungkook by pulling on the end of the tail.   

"I bet it makes it easier to masturbate." He says casually, eyeing the toy appreciatively.  

"Don't say it so casually!" You shriek.  

Leaning forward, you try to snag the tail from your friend. However, you don't make it far as a hand slaps on your shoulder, stopping you from lunging at Yoongi. The magic wand switches  rhythms  and moves lower down your back.  

"Y/n needs to relax, stop taunting her you two." Jin orders.   

Jin's about to say more but an alert goes off on his phone. He removes his hand from your shoulder and pulls his phone out of his back pocket. Yoongi bushes the fox tail up and down your leg teasingly. The fur tickles your skin and you kick him. He grabs your ankle before it leaves his side, a dark warning in his eyes.  

"Looks like they are all stuck in traffic." Jin's voice cuts through the air. "Seems like they'll be awhile."  

"Perfect." Yoongi purrs, eyes never leaving yours.  

"I'm so hungry, why is that perfect?" Jungkook whines.   

"So, hear me out." Yoongi starts.  

"I don't think I like where this is going." Jin sighs disapprovingly.   

"Since we got extra time, why don't we really help y/n relax? We can cure Jungkook of his curiosity too." Yoongi proposes, completely ignoring his elder.  

Jungkook pauses his petting of the pink, fluffy anal plug. "uhhh-"  

Jin scoffs, "As if she would agree to th-"  

"Let's do it." You agree, shocking everyone into complete silence. The quiet humming of the magic wand now sounds deafening.  

"W-what really?" Jin asks completely astounded.  

You stare determinedly into Yoongi's shocked eyes, "Yeah, why not. Maybe a good orgasm could get me to chill. Are you up for it?"  

"Oh shit." Jungkook gapes at you. The bunny tail falls from his fingers and onto the bed.  

The magic wand's head disappears from your back, and an arm wraps around your waist, pulling you back into Jin's chest and away from Yoongi. Jin places the wand's head on your upper thigh, dangerously close to your core. "Are you sure?"  

Looking up at him, you plead, "Yes, please take care of me."  

As soon as the words leave your mouth, the wand is placed between your legs, pressing hard into you and making you whimper. The strong vibrations are nearly overwhelming, even over your jeans. You weren’t used to not being in control as you only used your toys on yourself, and it felt oh so different with your friend behind you running the show and the two others watching you with their jaws hanging open. It turned you on in a way you’ve never been before.  

“Jungkook, be useful and grab her leg would you.” Jin commands.   

The youngest snaps out of his daze and sits down on the side of the bed similarly to Yoongi. He grabs your leg and pulls it towards him. Yoongi also spreads your other leg out more, exposing you to them even further.  

You whine in frustration when the hand around your waist tightens, halting your hips from humping into the toy.  Jin  presses a button on the wand, making the speed increase even mroe.   

“ Oooh , f-fuck,  nnnngh ." You're a moaning mess, shaking at the unrelenting vibrations.  

Warm lips brush your ear, and Jin whispers. "That's it love, just ride it out. Why don't you look at him?"  

Not even realizing your eyes were closed, you open them and look with half lidded eyes at Yoongi. His grip tightens on your leg as he looks at you with blown out eyes.   

"Think of all the times you used this on yourself, you naughty girl. Did you think of him, hmmm?" Jin continues to whisper in your ear.  

"Mmmm, Yoongi." You gasp, as your mind falls into that head-space.   

Teeth tug on your ear, pulling until you look up at Jin. "Do you think of all of us?"  

"I-uggggh-y-yes." You admit, the shame of him knowing your secret turning you on even more.  

You feel the rumble in his chest more than you hear it. The pride rolls off of him in waves.  

"Show us the face when you come, go on, let go."   

His words make you snap, and you come, fluids immediately soaking your underwear and creating a visible wet patch through your jeans. Your eyes roll back into your head as your body shakes.  Jin  keeps the wand in-between your legs, forcing you to ride out your orgasm. He only turns it off when your hand pushes at the hand holding the toy.  

"Wow-that was..." Jungkook starts, words lost as he stares at your post orgasmic body.  

"Y-yeah that was something alright." You pant out.   

"Just something." Jin pouts, pushing you forward.  

You can't help but laugh as you fall sideways on the bed. You turn your head to look at his tall frame behind you. A happy expression is on his face as he finally sees you smile genuinely. " Thanks,   Jin ."  

"Anytime, wait errrrr, I-" He cuts himself off as you start laughing hysterically. That is until the fox tail gets thrown into your face.  

"What the hell Yoongi." You sit up, and are surprised to see Yoongi looking at you grumpily.  

"What did I tell you, don't make me jealous." Yoongi says firmly. He picks up the bunny tail off the bed and looks at Jungkook. "Strip."  

"R-really?" Jungkook's voice cracks. Quickly, he clears it and tries again, this time a lot deeper. "Really?"  

Yoongi looks back to you and asks gruffly, "Is this clean?"  

"Of course." You huff indignantly.   

"Is it ok with you?" Jin asks, still ever the gentleman despite the earlier scene.  

"Yeah." You lick your lips as you eye Jungkook. "That is, if you are ok with it Kookie."  

Jungkook gulps. "P-please take care of me." He quotes.   

Literally, how can the man be so cute and hot at the same fucking time. It is unfair.   

"Then strip, baby boy." Yoongi repeats.   

Jungkook stands up and quickly throws his shirt off. You can't help the "Fuck." that escapes your mouth at the sight of his chiseled chest. You want to lick it so bad. The red head continues to undress, stepping out of his pants to reveal strong thighs, but stops as his hands brush the band of his boxers.  

To make Jungkook not alone in his nudity and hopefully more comfortable, you grab the ends of your sweater and pull it over your head in one  fell  swoop. This brings the attention back to you, and you feel three sets of eyes bore into your skin. You shimmy out of your jeans, your soaked underwear not doing much to hide your wet, swollen folds. Rolling over to be on all fours, you start crawling across the bed and towards Jungkook, leaving your head directly level with his hard cock.   

"We can do it together Kookie, if you want?" You suggest. You shift your weight so you can move a hand up to trace his defined abs. The muscles ripple under your touch.  

"Can we?" His breath stutters as you lean forward and lick a trail up his stomach.  

" Of course,  Kookie. May I?" You trace the tops of his boxer.   

Jungkook nods vigorously. "Please touch me, all of me."  

"Now that's a good bunny." You tease, brushing your hand down across his straining member.   

Two hands appear on Jungkooks waist, and you finally notice Yoongi stood up and placed himself behind the red head. He pulls Jungkook's underwear down, leaving Jungkook completely bare.  

From your position,  it's  easy for you to rest your weight on your elbows and lean down to take Jungkook's cock into your mouth.   

"Ahhhh y/n." Jungkook whines, watching you bob your head up and down on his dick.   

You tilt your head to look up at him, his expression completely fucked out. You smile up at him as best as you can with his cock in your mouth as he brushes his hands through your hair softly.  

The bed dips next to you and you feel two hands deftly unhook your bra. Yoongi brings his hands around Jungkook to help slide it off completely, while  Jin's  hands skim your bare back before tugging your underwear down. You help him kick it off, leaving you and Jungkook completely naked between the fully clothed Jin and Yoongi.   

Your lips come off of Jungkook's cock with a pop. "Yoongi, there should be some lube in that box somewhere."   

Yoongi searches for the lube, and you try to see if you can peek around Jungkook to help spot it from your position. A smack on your rear makes you yelp, but you can't turn your head as Jungkook still has a needy grip on your hair.   

"Don't start neglecting little Kookie now y/n."  Jin  massages your ass with his hands, just to give it another spank. "Go on, give him some nice licks."  

You moan at Jin's dominance, liking his control over you. Wanting to please him, you stick out your tongue and start licking Jungkook's cock, making him moan in return. Just the tip though, to be a tease as you don't want him coming yet.  

"Good girl." Jin praises, still groping your ass. You arch your back, going lower on Jungkook with your mouth, so close to his balls, while your ass hangs higher in the air.   

"Found it." Yoongi exclaims, holding the lube in the air like a prize. He squirts a generous amount of lube on his finger before tossing the bottle over you to Jin. "This will probably be easier if you kneel on the bed."  

Familiar hands grab your waist and pull back, dragging you across the bed to make room for Jungkook mid-lick. You can't help moaning again when your hair gets pulled from the action. Jungkook kneels on the bed, soothing your hair back as he sits on his knees in front of you.   

Yoongi lifts his lubed finger and slowly circles Jungkook's hole, the dick in front of you twitching as a reaction. "How does this feel Jungkook?"  

"Different, but good I think." Jungkook answers shakily.   

It's your turn to feel a lubed finger circle your tight hole. You try to angle your hips so Jungkook and Yoongi have a better view of the finger dipping into you. When Jungkook's hips thrust forward, you assume a finger is slowly entering him as well.  

"A-aaah, Oh god." Having your mouth sucking his dick, and Yoongi's finger in his ass is becoming too much for the man. "I'm going to nnngh shit-"  

Your mouth leaves Jungkook's cock when Jin smacks your ass again. Yoongi's finger leaves Jungkook's asshole as well. "Well, we can't have that yet. Your still not a little rabbit yet." Yoongi smacks Jungkook's ass too before picking the rabbit tail up, covering the plug with a glob of lube.  

"Wait, wait I want to see." Jin exclaims, with his finger sliding into you further. Your pussy clenches around nothing in want.  

"You hear that, hands and knees, just like y/n." Yoongi commands.  

Wanting to please and be pleased, Jungkook has his hands on the bed with his ass in the air in a heartbeat. You nearly coo at the sight. The red head still looks slightly nervous so you reach a hand underneath you to gather up your slick juices. You hold your now glistening finger out to Jungkook and he looks at it with wide eyes.  

"Take a- nnnnngh" The finger in your ass pulls out, and the glass of your fox plug circles your hole teasingly. "a taste mmmmmh ahhhhhh."  

Jungkook  envelops  your finger in his hot mouth, sucking it clean. He moans around your wet digit as he watches the anal plug enter you slowly, red fox tail now sticking out of your ass. You wiggle your ass playfully, making  Jin  laugh before slapping your bruising ass.  

"We have a little vixen on our hands here." He chuckles. You feel a weight on the tail pulling at you as Jin plays with end of the toy. Your finger is nearly bit as the toy finishes being pushed into Jungkook's ass.   

Quickly, you pull your finger out of his mouth as he grits out. "Y-yoongi ugggh."   

"Looks like we have a little bunny here too." Yoongi chuckles at Jungkook's panting form, giving his firm butt a spank.  

" Mmm  such a pretty little bunny."  Jin  agrees. "Now go get him little fox."   

You lunge forward, tail swinging, and mouth going down on Jungkook's cock. He chokes out in surprise, making you almost choke as he accidentally thrust his hips forward.  

"Careful rabbit." Yoongi warns, pulling at the pink rabbit tail before stuffing it back in.   

"Ahhhh ah!" Jungkook is a mess, his hips rotating in a chaotic rhythm between your mouth and the toy Yoongi is thrusting in and out of his tight asshole.   

It doesn't take long until Jungkook comes, his hot, white cum squirts into your mouth. You swallow around his cock, milking him dry as Yoongi continues to thrust the toy in and out to carry out the young man's orgasm.  

The two of you stop your ministrations on the bunny man as he tries to squirm away from over stimulation. He collapses on the bed, panting heavily.  

"You ok there Jungkook?" Jin asks worriedly.   

Rubbing the young man's back, you try to help him calm down. Your hand reaches to take the tail out of him, but he wiggles his butt away from you.   

"N-no, please, I want to keep it in. If that's ok?" Jungkook whines, turning to look at the toy.   

"Of course, it looks cute on you." You pat the pink puff ball, making him groan as the plug jostles in him slightly. You quickly take your hand away. "Ah, sorry."   

"S'all good." He slurs, smiling at you tiredly.  

You sit back down on your butt. The fox tail splays out behind you, while your legs are bent and spread open in front of you. Yoongi's eyes are glued to your wet pussy, and you bite your lip nervously. After all that's happened, there's really nothing left to be embarrassed about.  

"Yoongi." You call out, and his eyes shoot up to yours. "Do you want me to take care of you?"   

The  dark-haired  man bites his own lip as his eyes run up and down your body. With his big hoodie on, you can't tell how affected he is by the situation. You get back on your knees and pull the ends of his hoodie up, ready to remedy it. Yoongi raises his hands in response, giving you permission to lift it up over his head. You do the same with his shirt, and your fingers trail down his torso to rest at the tops of his jeans.  

Looking up, you want to get confirmation to continue, but before you can ask, soft lips are on your own, and your being pushed down against the bed. You gasp in surprise, allowing a hot tongue to enter your mouth and dominate your own. A moan from you echoes into his mouth, and you wrap your legs around his waist. Using the element of surprise, you roll over, taking Yoongi with you. This leaves you straddling him, his hair fanned out against your bed. Yoongi bites at your lower lip and pulls, and you respond by grinding down on him, hard.  

"Ahh, fuck y/n." His hands fly to your waist, trying to stop your motions. He doesn't want to blow his load right away.   

Your teasing grin is wiped away when a bare knee comes onto the bed, right in front of you. Following the limb up, you see a huge dick, hard and red, straining up against a toned chest. The sight of bare broad shoulders nearly makes you choke.  

How can a man be built this handsome?   

Jin smirks down at you, as if he knows exactly what you are thinking. "I almost want to keep you."  

Before you can give a snarky reply, or even think of one, Yoongi's hips thrust into yours, making your breath hitch. He continues to dry hump you, making sure you don't forget the position you are in.  

"Y-yoongi mmmnnngh." you can't help that your hands start traveling over your own body, and fondling your bouncing breasts, delirious for more.  

"Not a chance" Yoongi talks over your moans, glaring at the man half kneeling on the bed.   

"Hmph, fine then. Hey, Jungkook."  Jin  calls out to the bunny watching from his  curled-up  spot. "Why don't you relieve Yoongi of his pants?"  

Jungkook springs to action, crawling over to Yoongi and reaching between Yoongi's and your bodies. Yoongi holds you up so you don't start humping Jungkook's hand as the younger man unbuttons and unzips Yoongi's jeans. Hopping off the bed, Jungkook grabs the ends of Yoongi's jeans and gives a solid pull, taking it off in one go. Everyone looks back at the youngest surprised.   

"Where'd you learn how to do that?" Jin interrogates.  

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Jungkook fires back smugly.  

"Yes, that's why I fucking asked you, idiot." Jin seethes, glaring at the man with the bunny smile, now reaching to pull off Yoongi's underwear. With a quick tug, every one of you is now completely naked.   

You take a moment to admire Yoongi's build as you rise up, positioning your pussy over his thick cock. Slowly, you slide down on him, taking your time. It's better than you ever fantasized and especially better than that purple dildo you own.  

Yoongi hisses when you bottom out all the way down to his hilt. His fingers grip into your sides, leaving indents in your flesh. You take a moment, getting used to the stretch before slowly swiveling your hips. The reaction you get is immediate, both of you moaning loudly, and unashamedly.  

A hand weaves through your hair, and pulls, using it as leverage to drag your head forward. You come face to face with a well-endowed cock. Jin guides it over your lips, and you open them obediently, allowing him to stuff his cock into your tight, little mouth. He uses the grip on your hair to control the speed in which you bob your head up and down.  

If all that wasn't enough, Jungkook starts playing with the tail sticking out of your ass. Waving the end of the tail excitedly, you groan around Jin's dick as the plug shifts inside you. Jungkook gets more adventures and quickly grabs the base of the tail, fucking the plug in and out of your asshole. Eyeing Yoongi's dick plunging in and out of your vagina, Jungkook sets the rythm to match his elder's pace.  

It's a sight to behold, that's for sure. Your riding Yoongi vigorously as your approaching your high, getting your face fucked by Jin, and a curious Jungkook probing at your ass with a fox plug. One of Yoongi's hands reaches up to fondle the balls smacking against your face, and Jungkook quickly follows Yoongi's example by fondling Yoongi's balls with a hand as well.   

While your moans are muffled from Jin's cocks, the three men's moans are music to your ears. Their grunts are soft, and blend in beautifully with their panting breaths. With each of your holes being fucked tirelessly, it doesn't take long for you to come undone again. It sets off a chain reaction, your pussy clenching around Yoongi makes him explode into you, cum filling you up. The sight of Yoongi and you orgasming underneath him has Jin cumming into your mouth. You do your best to swallow as you ride Yoongi through the both of your orgasms.   

"This is so fucking hot." Jungkook stares at awe at the scene before him. He's completely enchanted by the sounds of everyone's whines and moans, so desperate and needy, and stops fucking you with the fox tail.  

Jin lets go of your hair, allowing you to collapse on Yoongi. The tall man pats your head before leaving to find something to clean everyone up with. Yoongi helps you roll off of him and his dick, tucking your exhausted form into his side. A soft look crossing his features as he brushes your hair away from your face.  

"Hey." he says with a small smile.  

"Hey, you." you reply with a matching smile.   

"Hey, me." Jungkook adds in, feeling left out.  

You giggle, snuggling more into Yoongi as he kicks out at Jungkook.  

"Jungkook, I love you, but please leave." Yoongi says with a threatening tone.  

"Fine, I see how it is." The words he says doesn't match the bunny grin on his face. He walks out of your room to help Jin find something to clean up with, pink tail still in his ass.  

A finger comes up to your chin, tilting your face up. Your lips meet Yoongi's in a gentle kiss that makes you melt. He might have a hard time with telling you how he really feels, but this kiss tells you everything. So much so, you almost miss the sound of the front door banging open.  

"Tacos are here!" Jimin's voice cheers loudly.  

"Toilet paper too!" Sings Hoseok.  

Yoongi scrambles up, the fastest you've ever seen him and he slams your bedroom door closed. He locks it and turns to look back at you completely exasperated.  

"Shouldn't we help them out?" You ask worriedly.   

"Ahhhhhhh why are you naked!?" Namjoon shrieks.  

"Why aren't you naked!?" Jin shrieks back to successfully confuse Namjoon.  

"Is that a rabbit tail Jungkook? Nice." Taehyung's deep voice echoes through the hall.  

"Uhhhh, y/n made a mistake?" Jungkook tries.  

"Nevermind." You grumble, making Yoongi smile at you deviously. "Let them suffer."  

[aestheticvoyage2022]

Day 267: Saturday September 24, 2022 - “Fresh Toilet”

The bathroom isn’t quite done - but it has all the feels of mile 26, rounding the corner for home.  And while some of the finishing touches are still on the list, the toilet and toilet room is basically in the bag and ready for use.  And so, this weekend, use it, is what I did.  I sat proudly on my brand new crapper and sipped my coffee and checked my fantasy baseball as I sat on a toilet that I had purchased my self for the very first time ever.   An adulting goal that I didn’t even know that I had, but that I was proud of none the less. These days, small victories and breaks away from the rest of the world make all the difference.  And of course, that simple victory of using my own toilet for the first time, that no one else has ever sat on, has got to make the photo of the day.

As part of the bathroom reno, pretty much the only thing that didn’t drastically move or change was the placement of the toilet, here behind a pocket door - but it got all fresh tile, new paint, a fancy toilet paper holder from Etsy, and even that pocket door got a change out for a nice solid wooden one.  We’ll decorate and make this hidey hole as cozy as possible.

Song: Sumbuck - Tigersharks

Quote: “The third thing I learned has turned into a mandate by which I live: If you are not in the arena getting your ass kicked on occasion, I’m not interested in or open to your feedback. There are a million cheap seats in the world today filled with people who will never be brave with their lives but who will spend every ounce of energy they have hurling advice and judgment at those who dare greatly. Their only contributions are criticism, cynicism, and fearmongering. If you’re criticizing from a place where you’re not also putting yourself on the line, I’m not interested in what you have to say.” ― Brené Brown

[spencereliotwinchester]

Red Stud (Part 1/3)

Title: Red Stud

Author:  Kat

Reader Gender:  N/A

Word Count: 8700

Summary: A look at how Jensen met Misha and began their journey. Partner to Submissive but can be read by itself. 

Warnings: AU, Sub!Jensen, Dom!Misha, Humiliation!Kink, 

A/N:  Seriously, not for the faint of heart. No hate. Inspiration belongs to @impala-dreamer

Thank you to @deansbxtch for being my beta

Character: Jensen Ackles x Misha Collins

--

Tags: 

@dr-dean @drarina1737 @zombitch-cas @teamfreewill92 @winecatsandpizza @bees0are0awesome @sierra-grace1227 @chenshemesh1 @weepinghollywoodatsupernatural @im-in-every-fandom-fangirl @rosescarlett @pandazombie69

--

“What are you doing this weekend, Jensen?” Jared asked as they walked to their ten a.m. biology class. 

“Nothing. Maybe doing that ‘American Ideals’ paper for the capstone class,” Jensen responded, heaving his backpack into a more comfortable position. “Why did we take half our classes on Friday?” 

“To have Mondays and Tuesdays off,” Jared laughed. “Anyway, there’s a rave happening at this club I know of. Wanna go?” 

“A rave? Like, an actual rave, not a house party?” 

“Yeah! They have strippers until Midnight, then it turns into a Rave. It goes until the morning I’ve heard. They also have some BDSM rooms, supposedly, but you have to be a member to go in there.”

“What’s the cover?” Jensen asked. 

“Fifty,” Jared said. 

“That’s cheap for Vegas.”

“That’s the whole point! Anyway, what do you think?” 

“As long as you don’t kidnap me into a BDSM room, I’m fine,” Jensen joked. 

“Ugh,” Jensen groaned. The taste in his mouth made his stomach turn over. It was like something had crawled in there and died. He sat up, careful to extract himself from the unknown man in his bed. His ass still had a dull throb from the previous night. 

Slowly getting out of his bed, careful not to wake up his partner from last night, Jensen made his way to the bathroom of the apartment he shared with Jared. He could hear the sounds of throwing up from inside. 

“Jare, I’m coming in to brush my teeth!” He hollered, opening the door. 

Jared wasn’t the one in the bathroom. A brunette was heaving over the toilet. 

“Oh, shit, sorry!” He said. She looked over at him. 

“You’re naked,” She stated. 

“Sorry,” he said again, and shut the door. 

The door to the apartment opened and Jared came down the hall with a drink holder of coffee. He handed one coffee to Jensen, who took it with a word of thanks and took a drink. 

“Still throwing up?” He asked, nodding to the bathroom. 

“Uh, yeah,” Jensen responded. “I’m gonna go put on pants.” 

As he pulled on a pair of soft sweatpants, the man still in Jensen’s bed stretched and then sat up. Jensen handed him his coffee. The man took a deep drink and handed it back. 

“Thanks,” he said, getting up and stretching again. “What a party, eh?”

“Wild,” Jensen agreed. The man’s deep voice and electric blue eyes brought a memory of last night to Jensen’s mind. 

“I’m gonna fuck you so hard. I’ll bet that’s all you want, filthy slut!”

“Yes, Sir! Please fuck me!”

“Oh, fuck, it’s nearly three!” 

He stood up and quickly dressed, gathering the pieces of clothing that had been tossed into various parts of the room. 

“Got any cologne I can borrow?” He asked. 

“Yeah, on the dresser,” Jensen responded, watching the man get dressed. When the man came up to him, Jensen realized he was nearly as tall as he was, with dark, disheveled hair, and those electric blue eyes that made Jensen feel as though he could see right through him. 

“Thanks for last night,” He whispered, Jensen smirked and they kissed.

“See ya around,” Jensen said when they broke apart, though he knew he wouldn’t. 

“That party was insane,” Jared said as they sat down on the couch in the small living room. 

“I don’t remember much,” Jensen grunted.

“You’ll get some pieces back like usual.” 

“Did we… Take anything?” He asked. 

“Besides a shit load of alcohol? I don’t think so,” Jared responded absently, scrolling on his phone. “Why?” 

“Just wondering.”

“We gotta do that again,” Jared sighed, happily. 

“I won’t,” a female voice said. The girl had come around the corner, purse in her hand. “Sorry for spewing my guts out.” 

“You okay?” Jared asked. 

“Yeah. I’m gonna go,” She turned to Jensen. “You should get on a pole more often.” 

“Excuse me?” 

“You don’t remember?” She asked, then continued. “You got up on stage and swung yourself around the pole like you’d been doing it for years.” 

“I did what?” He asked, incredulous. Jared snickered. 

“It was pretty awesome,” Jared muttered.

“Shut the hell up!”

A few days later, he got a text from an unknown number. He was studying in the library. 

I can’t stop thinking about you stretched around my cock, those green eyes rolling up into your head.

He looked around, worried, but no one was nearby. 

Who is this? 

It could be any of his one night stands from the last few weeks.

I’m offended, we had such a good time the other night! - Sir M

It must be that blue eyed man he met at Frenzy. What did he say his name was? It had been something strange. Another message came through. 

You were such a good slut for me. I’d love to have you for myself. - Sir M

Jensen blushed to himself. He didn’t usually sleep with the same person twice. He thought briefly about making an exception. It had been an amazing night. Most of the pieces of the night had come back. The blue eyed stranger had dominated over him, easily taking complete control of their time together. Jensen had thoroughly enjoyed it. As the memories floated to the forefront of his mind, Jensen could feel that his cock was hardening. Another message. 

I’ll bet you’re so hot and bothered right now, thinking about the way I owned you. - Sir M

Jensen finally texted back.

Yes, Sir.  

It became tradition, each month Jensen and Jared would go to a Rave night at Frenzy. They would stay until the place shut down at 5 a.m. and then crash until late afternoon. Sometimes they brought dates home, sometimes not. Sir M and Jensen continued to message each other. Sir M could be very domineering, even over a simple text and it sent thrills of excitement through Jensen’s body.

About a week after his one night stand with Sir M, Jensen walked into the studio shyly, it was his first time here. He’d been curious about pole dancing ever since that girl had told him how well he’d done. 

“Shoes off please!” The teacher, Jaz, behind the desk said sharply. “No outside shoes on the studio floor. Please sign this waiver and set your yoga mat down next to one of the poles.” 

Jensen ended up loving pole dancing, going to class three times a week in between his college classes and working a part time job. One day after class, about six months later, Jaz called his name as he was walking out the door. 

“Yeah?” He said, walking over to her, his bag slung over his shoulder and a yoga mat in his hands. 

“You’re still pretty new, but I know you like to go to Frenzy every so often. They get a lot of their talent from this studio and they’re holding closed auditions for a new male act. I was wondering if you wanted to audition? You’re one of my only male students and I think I have just the song for you.” 

Jensen stood there for a moment, his mouth hanging open. 

“Oh, I don’t know,” He said eventually, “I mainly do this for fun-”

“Strippers there, especially males, make upwards of $500 a night.” 

That was more than Jensen was making now, way more. He thought for a few moments, then relented. 

“Let me know what to do.” 

Three Saturdays in a row, he practiced one on one for three hours with Jaz. On the fourth Saturday, they ran through the entire routine twice. Jensen was sore, tired, and out of breath. 

“You’re ready,” Jaz said excitedly. “I think you’ll take the job easy.” 

“You… Sure?” Jensen said between gulps of air. 

“I’m damn sure. You’ll knock ‘em dead this afternoon!” She gave Jensen a quick hug and began to ready the studio for her next class. “Make sure you drink plenty of water-”

“And eat plenty of protein,” Jensen finished, rolling his eyes in mock annoyance. “I know.” 

That afternoon, Jensen arrived outside Frenzy at 1:30. Auditions started at 2. He showed his paperwork to the bouncer at the door and was let in. The place was a little unnerving when it was mostly empty and the lights were all on. He made his way towards the Rave Hall and saw a check-in table. He walked up to the two women. One looked up as he approached.

“Here for an interview for the bouncer positions?” She asked. 

“Uh.. no,” he said, caught slightly off guard. “I have an audition for pole dancing.” 

“Oh,” she said, surprised. “Sorry! Um, name?” 

“Ackles,” He said. 

“Got it. Locker rooms are that way,” She pointed. “Follow the signs. They’re still doing female auditions, so they may be running slightly late. Do you have a song?” 

“Yeah,” he handed over a CD with his name and audition number on it, then made his way to the locker rooms. 

As he got dressed, his nerves started to send butterflies to his stomach. He pulled on a pair of tight black cycling shorts and a plain black t-shirt. He had decided to go barefoot for this audition. From the information he had received, there would be a panel of judges and they would ask him a few questions before he danced. Jensen noticed as he waited for his name to be called that most people were doing slow and sensual songs, sometimes even emo. This made him slightly more nervous since Jaz had chosen a fast song for him. 

“Next up is Ackles! Ackles to the stage!” 

Jensen took a deep breath and then stepped out of the curtain onto the stage. He stood next to the pole and blanched slightly. It seemed like most of the auditioners were staying in the room after they’d auditioned to see the rest of the performers. Jensen only saw three other men in the audience. Then he looked at the panel of judges. Two men and a woman sat there. 

The man in the middle had electric blue eyes. Electric blue eyes that made Jensen feel as though he could see right through him. Electric blue eyes that Jensen recognized. Sir M. It knocked the breath clean out of him. 

“You used your real name?” The bearded man asked, rolling his eyes. “What’s your stage name?” 

“I..I don’t have one,” Jensen stuttered, shrugging. 

“Oh boy,” he said in annoyance. “Any tattoo-”

“Red Stud,” the blue eyed man interrupted. 

“What?” the bearded man snapped. “Collins, are you in-”

“No, I’m just giving him a stage name. Red hair and just look at those muscles! Yummy.” 

“Red Stud, I guess it works,” The man turned back to Jensen. “Tattoos?” 

“N-No,” Jensen sputtered, he started to think this had been a mistake. He grabbed the pole, noticing it was on spin. He could do the routine either way, but doing it on spin was harder. 

“Why do you want this job?” The woman asked, speaking for the first time. 

“I love to dance,” Jensen said smoothly, he was aware his voice had become more even and slightly huskier. “I can dance, and I want to make money doing what I love.” 

“Well, I think we’d love to see!” Sir M clapped his hands together. “Go on.”  

I saw him dancin' there by the record machine

I knew he must a been about seventeen

The beat was goin' strong

Playin' my favorite song

And I could tell it wouldn't be long

'Til he was with me, yeah, me

And I could tell it wouldn't be long

'Til he was with me, yeah, me, singin'

As soon as the music started,  Jensen felt right at home. As if he were back in the studio practicing with Jaz. The loud guitar strums and drum set blasted through the speakers and Jensen opened “I Love Rock N’ Roll” by flexing his biceps, rolling his hips, and showing off his muscles, visible even under the t-shirt, to the various parts of the room. People started clapping along with the beat. When the lyrics started, he climbed the pole to the top, stopping at the end of each line to do various hangs to show off his strength, flowing with the hard rock. 

I love rock n' roll

So put another dime in the jukebox, baby

I love rock n' roll

So come and take your time and dance with me

Ow

Once he reached the top of the pole, the chorus started and Jensen folded over and around the pole, holding an attitude position before quickly hip-switching to a sundial. He pulled up and inverted into a Fang, spinning quickly with the music before doing a cartwheel dismount. 

He smiled, so I got up and asked for his name

"That don't matter", he said, "'cause it's all the same"

I said, "Can I take you home where we can be alone?"

And next we were movin' on

He was with me, yeah, me

Next we were movin' on

He was with me, yeah, me singin'

He pole walked once, before unveiling his next climb. Jaz had spent the majority of their first session teaching him this complex no legs, hand-over-hand climb until Jensen could do it perfectly without falling. Jensen was surprised to hear cheers. He climbed, doing a pull up at the end of each line of music until he was at the top of the pole again. He quickly maneuvered into a cross-legged sit so his arms were free.

I love rock n' roll

So put another dime in the jukebox, baby

I love rock n' roll

So come and take your time and dance with me

Ow

Jensen tore his shirt in half splitting it down his chest, then took it off and flung it at the blue eyed judge. He then inverted into a crucifix and nose dived down the pole. Jensen gracefully dismounted as the music faded. He took a bow to the cheering audience before turning his attention towards the judges. Jensen became all too aware of the sheen of sweat covering his face and chest and felt his cheeks reddening - it had nothing to do with the workout he’d just done and everything to do with Sir M staring at him. 

“I...I thought Jaz said you were new to pole dancing,” the woman said in awe. 

“I mean, I’ve only been pole dancing for about six months,” Jensen responded, shrugging. “Should I go?” 

“Can you dance like that tonight?” Sir M asked, his voice deep and vibrating. 

“I- What?” 

“Can. You. Dance. Like that. Tonight?” He asked again, more slowly, like Jensen was hard of hearing. 

“I’d need a new black t-shirt… but yeah, I can,” Jensen felt even more blood rushing to his face. 

“Then the job is yours. You’re on at midnight,” the bearded man said. “Be here no later than 11.”

As he was walking out, he heard his name called. Turning, he was shocked to see Jared. 

“Since when do you dance?” 

“Six months or so,” Jensen said, looking away from Jared. 

“Dude, you’re insanely good!”

“Uh...Thanks. Why are you here?” 

“Got hired as a bouncer!” He said excitedly. 

“Dude, that’s awesome!” Jensen exclaimed. “I gotta go call Jazzy and tell her I got the dance slot and then get ready for tonight.” 

“I’ll see you tonight! It’s my first night too.” 

Jensen was able to meet most of the other dancers that night in the locker room. It turned out that there were only three other male dancers, so everyone shared one locker room. A girl came up to Jensen. She was dressed in a red thong and red corset. She had blonde hair that was curled in large spirals. He recognized her as the female judge from earlier. 

“Hi, Red,” She said, smacking some gum and winking at him. 

“Hey,” He nodded. 

“Come on, I’m gonna show you the ropes and rules. I’m Cherie by the way. So, tonight. They’re just going to have you open the Rave with your routine, but people will still throw tips at you. Each of us also has a jar at the bar where people can place tips, too. Don’t forget to empty it before you leave for the night. If you have any problems with patrons on the floor, grab one of the bouncers. After a couple weeks, you might do some dancing for tips, or they might have you out on the floor to do lap dances and such. I dunno, Mish will let you know.” 

“‘Mish?’” Jensen asked. 

“Misha Collins?” She looked at him incredulously. “Big blue eyes, stubbled jaw, orgasm inducing voice?” 

“Oh, him.” 

“Yeah, him. Let's get some makeup on you.”

Jensen fidgeted as midnight approached. His butterflies were even bigger now and he worried he’d mess up the entire routine. As the acts neared his, the music got faster. Cherie was just before him in the lineup, her song started, ‘Cherry Pie’ by Warrant. Jensen warmed his body and put grip aid on his hands. Cherie came through the curtain. She had removed the corset during her act and was down to her red thong and pasties. 

“Good luck, Red,” She winked at him. 

He swallowed hard and entered the stage through the curtain. A few whistles met him. 

“Please welcome to the stage, our newest dancer. His debut performance right here, right now! RED STUD!” the emcee announced. 

‘I Love Rock N’ Roll’ started and Jensen began his routine. He only slipped once and it was barely noticeable. Cheers and applause met him and he bowed. Then, he quickly picked up the cash tips that had been tossed onstage and exited. He’d made nearly $250 from tips he’d picked up off the stage.

Jensen made his way to the bar after he put on another black shirt from his locker. The lights shut off completely and black light turned on. Glow sticks lit up the room. A thumping bass beat blared through the speaker. Jensen sat down at the bar in an open seat and waited for the bartender to see him. The bartender came over to him. 

“What can I get ya?” He yelled over the thick bass beat. 

“Shot of whiskey!” He yelled back. As he went to hand over a ten, a hand caught him. Jensen turned to see Misha standing right next to him. He was wearing a red t-shirt that was a size too small and stretched dangerously over his shoulders. Up close, Jensen was able to see just how handsome the man- Misha- really was. 

“On the house!” He yelled to the bartender. “And make it two!” 

Jensen and Misha tapped glasses and took the shots together. After four more shots each, Jensen was feeling much more free and relaxed. Misha tapped his hand against his shoulder. 

“Come with me!” He yelled. 

Misha dragged Jensen into the Rave and they began to dance together. After the second song they were both drenched in sweat and the alcohol was really hitting Jensen’s head. He hadn’t eaten anything in a few hours. Misha raised his hand to his mouth and swallowed. Then raised his hand to his mouth again. This time he grabbed Jensen’s face and began kissing him. Jensen opened his mouth in surprise and Misha shoved his tongue in and Jensen felt a small pill. Guessing what it was, he swallowed and continued to make out with Misha. 

Within ten minutes, the drug was taking effect. Jensen began to feel remarkably loose, happy and floaty. Misha was grinding against his ass and Jensen didn’t mind one bit. The music thrummed heavily through his head, his heart speeding up to match the rapid music. The bass beat dropped and Misha was reaching around palming Jensen’s half hard cock through the shorts he was wearing. His moan was lost in the music as he leaned back into Misha’s solid body. 

Then, Misha was pulling him along, through the waves of people. They reached a door on the other side and Misha pushed him through it. They were in a back hallway and Misha pushed Jensen into another room. The lights flicked on. Noise was completely silenced when the door closed but Jensen’s head pounded with the remnants of the bass line. 

“Should we be in here?” Jensen asked, eyes widening as he took in the sight of the room. It was a smaller room, but it was beautiful and dangerous. The walls were red, the carpet was plush and black. A few sex toys were scattered around and Jensen could only imagine what was in the armoire at the other side of the room. There was also a double bed in the corner behind the door. 

“It’s my private room,” Misha said. 

“A private room?” 

Misha came up behind him and began kissing and nipping at his neck. Misha grabbed the hem of Jensen’s shirt and dragged it over his head before going back to kissing his neck. Jensen moaned lightly. 

“Owning the place does have its perks,” Misha growled, his voice low and lust-filled. 

Jensen turned to face Misha and pulled the other man’s shirt off. Misha pulled Jensen over to the bed and pushed him down on it. As Misha kicked his jeans off and leaned down on top of Jensen, something clicked into place. 

“Are you a Dom?” Jensen asked. 

“You could most certainly say that,” Misha laughed. 

“I’ve never really… Except that night with you and I don’t remember everything.” 

“Well, it’s up to you, but I promise I’ll make it worth it if you stay, Boy,” the voice slipped down a few notes and Misha reached a hand into Jensen’s hair and pulled lightly. A rush of pleasure flowed through his body. Jensen moaned. “What are your limits?” 

“Nothing too crazy, I’m, uh, pretty vanilla you could say.” 

“Vanilla it is, but next time we do things my way,” Misha smirked before kissing Jensen again. Blood rushed to his face and his cock, making his brain spin. He laughed into Misha’s mouth, the feeling of euphoria enveloping him again. 

--

As Jensen began to swim into consciousness, he squeezed his eyes shut more tightly. His head was pounding, his muscles ached, his ass hurt, and his mouth was as dry as the deserts surrounding Las Vegas. Slowly, he opened his eyes and looked around the room. He had no idea where he was. The room was lit softly through thick curtains. The walls were a cool grey and matched the bedding. An unopened water bottle was sitting on the nightstand and Jensen grabbed it, cracking it open and taking a deep drink. 

“I was thinking I was going to have to come wake you up. It’s nearly five,” Misha’s voice startled Jensen, and he looked around to see Misha standing in the doorway. 

“I’d have been up at three if you hadn’t slipped me Ecstasy,” Jensen grumbled. “Where are my clothes?” 

Misha walked over to the closet and stepped inside. He threw a shirt and a pair of jeans on the bed. 

“You only had on those pole shorts when we came home,” Misha answered. “Take those. They should fit okay.” 

Jensen got out of bed and stumbled sideways. Misha caught him. He became suddenly dizzy and shut his eyes trying to clear the feeling before it made him hurl. 

“You okay?” Misha asked. 

“Just a bit dizzy… Stood up too fast,” Jensen grunted. He slowly put weight back on his legs and got dressed in Misha’s clothes. They smelled like leather and cologne. An image of Misha pushing his cock into Jensen’s mouth came to mind. 

“We should get some food in you,” Misha said. “Do you want to have dinner with me?” 

“Sure,” Jensen said, his stomach snarling at the thought. 

--

“Everything okay?” Misha asked. 

“When you said ‘have dinner’ I thought you meant a dive bar or a diner or something…”

“Oh no, Sweetness, when I dine, I dine in style.” 

“I’m not really appropriate-” Misha cut him off. 

“Nonsense. Come on.” 

The maitre’d greeted Misha by name and led them all the way to the back of the restaurant to a private booth. A waitress dropped off water, smiling at them before gliding away to the kitchen. Jensen fiddled with the menu, slightly uncomfortable. 

“What’s wrong?” Misha asked in his low, gravelly voice. 

“Just nervous,” Jensen mumbled. 

“Listen, about last night-” It was Jensen’s turn to cut off Misha. 

“I don’t regret anything.”

“Well… Good, then,” Misha said. “Are you good to go on tonight?” 

“Of course,” Jensen waved a hand at Misha.

The waitress arrived with an appetizer. 

“The usual, Sir?” She asked Misha. He nodded, then the waitress turned to Jensen, but Misha interjected. 

“Let me order for you.” It wasn’t a question. 

Jensen, shocked, nodded at him jerkily. Misha whispered into the waitresses ear and she gave him a nod before vanishing again. He turned back to Jensen, and put a hand on his scruffy face. Jensen suddenly had butterflies in his stomach again. 

“So what are you into?” Jensen blurted out the question. 

“Huh?” 

“You know, like you have a private room at Frenzy- Hell, you OWN Frenzy. You’re a Dom, you asked my limits…” Jensen trailed off. 

“I’m into things you couldn’t even dream of,” He said, darkly. Jensen shivered. It was strange, the way Misha could make him feel both scared and aroused at the same time. “But for the most part I’m into Dom/sub.”

“Like, whips and chains and ‘Master’?” Misha chuckled at the look on Jensen’s face.

“I’m more into the relationship, the power exchange, not the punishments, and I prefer to be called ‘Sir,’” He responded. “You know nothing of BDSM if you’ve just watched porn.” 

Misha began explaining the mechanics and the true BDSM scene. Jensen became much more interested, and aroused, as Misha explained the true relationship between Dominants and their submissives. He never figured this sort of scene would be up his alley, but the way Misha had made Jensen beg for release last night… 

“You’ve barely touched your food,” Misha stated. “Eat.”

Jensen did so. Misha smirked at him, his eyes were filled with lust and approval. 

“What?” He asked. 

“You absentmindedly enjoy being told what to do. I just had a very intriguing thought,” Misha said in a hushed voice. 

“What?” Jensen was even more confused. 

“Let me introduce you to being submissive. I think we’d be a good match. We like each other and damn you’re just yummy. I can’t get enough of you.” 

Jensen looked down at his mostly empty plate, his mind was hesitant, but his cock was thoroughly interested in the idea of having sex with Misha again. 

“Try it,” Misha pressed. “If you don’t like it, no harm no foul… But I think you’ll fall in love with it.” 

“Fine,” Jensen relented, telling himself he could try something new. “We should get going. I need to go home and shower. I also need to work out a little. I missed my afternoon class today.” 

“Want a ride home?” Misha asked. 

“That would be welcome,” Jensen whispered.

Jensen finally got back to Frenzy at ten pm. He opened his locker and saw a jar of tips. The jar from the bar. Jensen groaned, knowing he would probably be in trouble with the bartender for forgetting to pick them up. He then pulled his phone out of his locker to check it. He had a message from Sir M. 

I need you to open and close the dance acts next weekend. Open with a slow, sensual song for me? Then close with your regular routine. Next week you work Wednesday thru Sunday. W & Th & Sun 7p - 3a.m. Fr & Sat 7pm - 12:15 am, then you’ll join me in the Member’s Club -Sir M

He immediately texted Jazzy to find out if she could help him with a new routine. 

We can practice this week, I’ve got a good one for you. I’m here btw! To see you perform. 

That week was one of the hardest of his life. He even skipped a few classes at the college trying to get some rest between the club, school, practicing a completely new song, and texting Misha. He barely even saw Jared except at Frenzy. 

Friday evening came and Jensen was a ball of wrecked nerves. He was exhausted, but got a jolt of excitement at the thought of performing a slow song just for Misha. The emcee was beginning to announce the acts and Jensen’s whole body buzzed with nervous excitement. 

“Let’s open up with Red Stud!” The emcee yelled. 

Jensen took the stage and a few whistles broke out above the chattering crowd. He sat down in front of the pole, back pressed against it and nodded toward the emcee. “You’re the Best” by Wet played through the speakers as Jensen began to go through the choreography Jazzy taught him. It was slow and sensual, just what Misha had asked for. Most of the choreo had him on the floor, using the pole as just a prop, instead of being on it the entire time. He ended the song on the floor, in a shoulder mount with his legs split. People clapped, cheered, and whistled. Jensen collected the money on the stage and went back to the locker room, to rest and get ready for the closing act. 

After the closing act, Jensen got a t-shirt on and went out into the now Rave Room. As he approached the bar, he saw Misha talking to a few patrons. One girl was draped over his shoulder and a hotness spread through Jensen’s body. Jealousy. They had never said they’d be exclusive, Jensen reasoned, but he still wanted to toss the girl into what was now becoming a mosh pit. 

He grabbed a couple shots from the bartender, downing one right after the other. His eyes were trained on Misha at the other end of the bar, the jealousy burning through his veins, just like the whiskey he’d shot down. He finally shoved himself from the bar, deciding he could play the same game. He disappeared into the rave to find a partner for the evening. 

As he was grinding with a stranger, he felt a hand fist the back of his shirt and yanked him back. Jensen was shocked, he looked around and saw Misha was the one who had his shirt. He was surprised at the roughness and then saw the look on Misha’s face. 

His jaw was clenched and eyes were narrowed in anger. There was fury written into his face. He caught Misha’s eye for just a moment and saw only rage in the flashing blue. Misha shoved him through the same door as last weekend and into his private room. 

“Think you’re funny?!” Misha spat as all other sound was drowned out. Jensen opened his mouth but a single flash of Misha’s eyes and his voice died in his throat. “Grinding on some stranger right in front of ME? You’re mine!” 

Something strange happened at Misha’s words. He was slightly scared, very much confused and then a shooting feeling of arousal coiled through his belly. Jensen found his voice. 

“You had women all over you at the bar! We never said we were exclusive,” He strained his voice to keep it level. 

“I wasn’t the one out on the dance floor practically having sex!” 

“You were last weekend!” Jensen cried, aware that his words were making less sense. 

“You’re MINE, Boy!” Misha barked. The arousal came back, harder and stronger than before. 

“Promise?” Jensen breathed. 

Anger melted from Misha’s face. He looked confused, then a grin broke across his face. 

“What?” Jensen snapped, but the anger was melting completely and being taken over by desire. 

“You liked it.” 

“Liked what?” 

“Being called names. When I called you ‘boy’ I saw your cock jump in those tight shorts. You like being humiliated,” Misha looked at him fondly. “I’ll tuck away that information for later.”

They ended the night a lot happier than it had started, the fight completely forgotten, like the clothes all over the floor. 

--

Jensen was sitting at Misha’s kitchen table. A laptop, books, notebooks and folders were spread out around him. Jensen had his forehead pressed to the cool wood. He’d spent the better part of three hours trying to write a paper for his english class. What does each room color symbolize in Mask of the Red Death? Discuss. Jensen then thought of the two ten-page papers due at the end of the semester. A Topic of Your Choosing Using Compare and Contrasting Methods and How are American Ideals Still Relevant in Today’s Day and Age? 

He groaned and lifted his head up. He found Misha standing against the counter to his right. Misha was wearing a suit, crisply ironed, with a khaki top coat over it. From the looks of it, Jensen figured it was probably cashmere. 

“Looks like a tornado came through,” He indicated the mess on the table. 

“More like a typhoon. I’m drowning in this.” 

“I wanted to talk to you about some things, but it can wait if you’re too busy.”

“Please, I could use a break from this.” 

“Now that we’re going to delve into this relationship, I want to lay out a couple rules for you to follow,” Misha sat down at the table and looked at Jensen seriously. Jensen nodded. “Number One, you call me ‘Sir.’ Number Two, you don’t cum unless I say so. Number Three, do not lie to me, EVER. And Number Four, is this.”

He took a small, leather-bound book from the inside of his topcoat and set it in front of Jensen. Upon further inspection, it was a journal with lined pages. Jensen cocked an eyebrow at Misha. 

“I want you to keep a journal. At least one page per day, more if you feel like it. On the first page,” Misha flipped the book open, “I’ve written some prompts I’d like you to start off writing about, so we can hone and mold our relationship together.” 

“So, I’m drowning in homework… And you give me more?” Jensen said, indicating the haphazard papers that littered the table. 

“I guess so, yeah. Got a problem with that, Boy?” Misha’s voice dipped into a commanding voice. 

“No,” Jensen responded. 

“No, what?” Misha’s voice dripped with venom.

“Uh, no, Sir,” Jensen looked down at the table. 

“Failure to follow my rules will result in punishment, and trust me, punishment does not equal pleasure.” 

“Yes, Sir,” Jensen said, nodding his understanding. 

“That’s my good slut,” Misha said, patting his hair. Misha and Jensen had found out fairly quickly that the pet name turned Jensen on to no end and Jensen felt a swell of happiness each time Misha used it. “I have a meeting. Be good.” 

As Misha left, Jensen looked at the table. He rolled his eyes in frustration and grabbed the journal. Opening it to the first page, he saw Misha’s handwriting. It was slanted, neat, almost calligraphy

What are your likes and dislikes in the bedroom? Discuss. 

How are you currently feeling about our relationship? Write this subject weekly

What do you want from a sexual partner?

What do you need from a sexual partner?

There was a hard line penned into the page

Only Jensen may write, unless he gives permission for me to respond. 

This is Jensen’s safe space to write what he needs.

Jensen will never be judged for what is written. 

Jensen looked between the journal and the three college papers he was working on. He groaned and pulled the laptop towards himself, deciding to write a little more about Mask of the Red Death before trying to fill out his journal. 

The first room is blue, which symbolizes Poe’s own depression…

“You know, maybe he just liked the color blue!” Jensen yelled at the empty house. He tossed The Works of Edgar Allan Poe across the kitchen. 

I’m honestly not sure how I feel about the relationship with Sir. I’ve barely met him but I feel like I’ve known him for a long time. I’m nervous and scared, but also aroused…

Jensen felt extremely weird writing in the journal at first, but once he got the first few sentences out, a bunch more were written. He ended up with three pages. By the time Jensen finished his journal as well as the Poe paper, it was nearing 5 pm. Jensen stood and stretched. It was Monday, so he didn’t have work and he didn’t have class: college or pole. 

He felt like he hadn’t seen Jared in forever. At least, the last time he saw Jared outside of work or school. They never really had time to talk while busy studying and working. Jensen texted Jared. 

Where are you?

Video Games was the response. 

Jensen was getting ready to head over to his apartment when a thought struck him. He quickly texted Misha.

I’m going over to the apartment to hang with Jared. 

Home by 2am came only a few seconds later. Jensen set an alarm on his phone to go off at 1. 

Jensen had only been by the apartment a couple times in the last two weeks and that was only to grab some clothes, his toothbrush, and school things. Jared hadn’t been home. He was splayed across the couch, playing COD. Jensen grabbed a controller and joined the game. As they played, he couldn’t help but feel a sort of tension between them. After about half an hour, Jared shut the game off. 

“Drink?” Jared asked stiffly. 

“I’m gonna drive back to Misha’s later,” Jensen said. “Is something up?” 

Jared finished his own beer and grabbed another one from the fridge. He scoffed. 

“What?” Jensen pressed. 

“You know, dude,” said Jared, turning to him. “I don’t even know what to say. You get this job at Frenzy, end up in the back room WITH THE OWNER, and then disappear for three weeks. What the fuck, Man?” 

“It’s not like that-” Jensen started before Jared cut him off. 

“That’s how it looks from my angle! You’ve never been that kind of whore! Tell me, is it true? Are you Collins’ new bitch? I have never known you to sleep with a partner more than once, but now that it’s some rich dude...” 

“I didn’t mean for it to happen,” Jensen tried to explain, but he realized Jared must have been drinking most of the day; he wasn’t usually this hurtful. “What?” Jensen was taken aback as he comprehended the last sentence. 

“That’s what I heard. That’s what everyone at Frenzy is talking about. You hopping in bed with the owner. Man, I knew you liked to sleep around but this...” 

“Jared, I’m sorry, dude. Let me explai-”

“Explain what? Just answer the question, Jensen!” Jared yelled. 

“We’re in a relationsh-” Jensen started to yell. 

“It’s been three weeks and you’re basically moved in with him! Do you know how worried I’ve been? I would’ve called the cops if I hadn’t seen you at Frenzy!” 

“I’m fine, Jared! What? Can’t bear me actually being happy?!” 

“You’re a goddamn idiot! You have no idea what this guy’s intentions are! Sure, we’ve all done one night stands, but this… This is a whole new level, even for you,” Jared had gotten right into Jensen’s face. Jensen didn’t back down. The hurt was pumping through his body and he stabbed Jared right where it hurt. 

“You’re the one who almost killed yourself over Gen leaving you!” Jensen shoved Jared hard. He didn’t react fast enough to the fist that connected to the side of his head. 

“Get. The fuck. Out,” Jared snarled. 

Jensen had to sit in his car for fifteen minutes before the dizziness finally passed enough for him to drive to Misha’s...To home. When he pulled into the driveway, he could see the lamp on in Misha’s bedroom. He felt relief at the sight, not wanting to be alone after his fight with Jared. He let himself in the house and went down the hall to Misha’s room. He hesitated for a few seconds before knocking on the door. 

“Enter,” Came a distracted response. 

Misha was propped against the headboard, wearing only his boxers. He was reading Things Fall Apart by an author whose name Jensen couldn’t begin to pronounce. He felt that, in a way. That his life was falling apart around him. The room began to blur and shift and Jensen clenched his hands at his side. It had been a long time since something like this had happened. His head began to buzz loudly, like angry bees. 

“Jensen?” 

The room began to come back into focus, but then thoughts of the night and the last month of his life overwhelmed him and the room spun wildly, his heart raced, and tears fell from his eyes. Misha was at his side, steadying him. 

“I need. My medicine,” Jensen was almost hyperventilating. “In my bag.”

Jensen curled up on the floor, holding himself until Misha came back with a prescription bottle. He popped it open and handed Jensen one pill. When shaking hands, Jensen put the pill into his mouth and swallowed. It would take about ten minutes for the effect to settle in and calm him down. With arms stronger than Jensen imagined, Misha scooped him up and set him down in the large bed. 

“Shh, just breathe,” Misha soothed. 

As time passed, Jensen felt his heartbeat begin to slow and his breathing evened out. He became aware of Misha holding him with one arm, the other carding through his hair. The feeling was soothing, comforting. When he felt he could, Jensen sat up and faced Misha. 

“Panic attack?” 

Jensen nodded. 

“That may have been something you should have told me about.” 

“I haven’t had one for two years,” Jensen whispered. 

“Did it have something to do with the bruise that’s darkening on your face?” 

“I had a fight with Jared,” He explained. 

“Obviously. What about?” 

“This. Us,” Jensen said, apologetically. “I should go lay down. The medicine makes me insanely tired.”

“Stay. I want to keep my eye on you.”

Jensen hadn’t stayed the night in Misha’s bed since their second night together. Jensen felt a swoop of anxiety, but then Misha brought a hand to his face, and it melted away. He leaned into Misha’s touch. 

After a moment, Misha got out of bed and beckoned Jensen to do the same. He set the book carefully on the nightstand and pulled the covers back. He indicated to Jensen to get into bed, then slid in after him. 

“Why do you have panic attacks?” Misha asked. 

“When I was little, and my Mom and Dad were still together, they fought, like, all the time. Downright screaming matches. Their fighting started causing panic attacks. So, now whenever there’s arguing it can cause an attack.”

“I guess the fight just really affected me. I shouldn’t have said some things,” Jensen sighed deeply. 

“We’ll have to be careful. Everything will be okay,” Misha soothed.

The light clicked off and Misha spooned Jensen, his arm wrapped around his waist comforting him. Jensen pushed himself back into Misha’s chest and within minutes, the exhaustion from the day as well as the medicine pulled him into sleep. 

Jensen woke the next morning, groggy and feeling like his head was too heavy to lift. He was alone in Misha’s bed. Slowly, he sat up. He noticed a small piece of paper on the nightstand on top of the book that Misha had been reading. He grabbed it. 

I will be in my office when you wake, taking care of some work. Eat some eggs and toast and meet me when you’re through. -Sir

Jensen went to the guest room he’d been calling his own. He slipped into the bathroom attached and did his morning routine. He then made his way to the kitchen, wishing he knew where Misha kept the Tylenol. 

As Jensen ate breakfast, he scrolled through his phone lazily. The group chat he was in with the other guys and girls had blown up the previous night. Jensen scrolled through quickly, getting the gist of what had been discussed. He paused, however, when the chat shifted.

Cherie: It’s almost Mish’s Birthday y’all. What are we doing this year? Another showcase? 

Brad: Maybe, he never gets tired of watching us dance. 

Ariel: What if we did a choreographed routine with all of us? We could do it on the weekend of his birthday.

Michelle: Ooo I like that. Unless @Red Stud has a better idea? 

Brad: That’s a good idea. Everyone meet at noon at Frenzy tomorrow. Come with song ideas. 

Cherie: Great idea! See everyone then?

Shit. It was almost eleven now. He quickly finished breakfast and packed a bag. Then he went to Misha’s office. Jensen knocked on the open door. 

“Enter,” Came a reply. 

Misha was sitting behind a large carved desk, looking through a stack of papers. He glanced up at Jensen. 

“Where are you off too?” Misha asked. 

“Uhh,” Jensen hesitated, not knowing if the birthday party was a surprise. 

“Don’t lie to me,” Misha reminded him suddenly, fixing him with a blue-eyed stare that seemed to read his mind. 

“Okay, I’m meeting the other girls and guys at Frenzy-”

“Ah, yes. My birthday,” Misha rolled his eyes. “Anyway, I just wanted to give you this and ask you to fill it out. I’m filling one out, too. We will compare them and make necessary changes before signing.” 

Misha slid a thick packet towards Jensen. He walked to the desk and picked it up. Standard D/s Contract - Misha Collins was the title. Jensen felt his cheeks heat up. 

“Okay,” Jensen said, slipping the contract into his gym bag. 

“Okay what?” Misha snit.

“Sorry. Yes, Sir,” He amended. Jensen walked around the desk, so he was directly next to Misha, who had gone back to his report. He gave Misha a soft kiss on the cheek which he accepted. 

“Tell the girls and boys not to worry too much. I think I’ll be getting exactly what I want for my birthday already,” Misha threw him a quick, dirty look. 

“Yes, Sir.”

“Be good, Slut.” 

Jensen closed his eyes for a moment, letting the heat pool in his belly. Then, he left to get to Frenzy. He seemed to be the first one there, surprisingly. He changed, then warmed himself up quickly. He walked out to the stage and placed his phone off to the side, hitting the “Play” Button on the song he wanted. The slow guitar started and Jensen began swaying his body to the music, body rolling on the pole, doing slow spins. 

Whenever I'm alone with you

You make me feel like I am home again

Whenever I'm alone with you

You make me feel like I am whole again

Whenever I'm alone with you

You make me feel like I am young again

Whenever I'm alone with you

You make me feel like I am fun again

“I think Red should do the choreography!” He heard the yell, it startled him and he lost grip on the pole, landing painfully on his elbow. 

“I have no idea how to do choreography,” Jensen said tersely, sitting up and rubbing his aching elbow. He looked around and saw Brad, Cherie, and Michelle, who seemed to be the one who’d yelled. 

“Yes, you do,” Cherie said. “I know you can. Just by watching that performance, I know you can.”

Everyone filtered in and then Cherie called for silence. 

“I think Red should do choreo,” Michelle said again. 

“All in favor?” Cherie asked. Everyone except Jensen yelled ‘Aye!’ 

Jensen groaned. 

“Now, what song should we do? Fast or slow?” 

“Slow,” Jensen said. “I’m a lot better at slow choreo. Jazzy’s the one who usually choreographs for me.” 

It took nearly an hour before they’d settled on a song. Jensen huffed, it wasn’t a very slow song, but he could work with it. 

“Give me a half hour to figure out what we’re doing,” He grumbled, grabbing a pad of paper from behind the bar. 

Jensen played Breathe on Me at least five times, stopping and starting and writing the choreography on the pad. He called Cherie over and went through it with her. That way she could teach group one and he could teach group two. After about two hours, Jensen called it quits for the day. 

After a long shower, Jensen settled down at the kitchen table to do his homework and try to go through the large contract Misha had given him that morning. He’d gotten his english paper done, his journal written in, and was just staring at the front page of the contract when Misha arrived. 

“Slut,” He greeted, flashing a smile his way. 

“Sir,” Jensen nodded at him, a smile spreading across his face. 

“I’ll be in my room. Have fun.”

“Yes, Sir.” 

Jensen, in his limited free time, had been doing a lot of research into proper BDSM etiquette and rules. As Jensen read through the contract, filling in the blanks, he was all too aware of his cock hardening. He palmed himself as he went through the listed kinks and fetishes and circled ones he’d be willing to try. One line of the contract kept playing through his mind.

Above all, the primary duty of this submissive is to please.

Jensen grinned to himself. He had a sudden idea, and it sent warm heat through his body as his heart sped up. He hoped this would work, because if not, he’d be having a hard time following Misha’s rule not to cum without permission. 

He walked down the hallway, his heart pounding in his chest. The door to Misha’s room was open and Jensen dropped to his knees just outside the threshold. He put his hands on his thighs and bowed his head, closing his eyes. He’d seen this pose on a website as one of the accepted sub poses. He itched to call out, call attention to himself, but he pushed the urge down, stubbornly. Jensen waited. 

A calmness washed over him. His breathing and heartbeat slowed, the thought of pleasing Misha helped him ignore the numbness in his knees. Finally, Jensen heard an intake of breath and the swish of sheets rubbing against pajama pants. Jensen kept still, unmoving. He fought the urge to snap his head up. To meet those blue eyes that could read his mind. 

“How long have you been here?” Jensen couldn’t help the shiver that ran through his body at the soft, loving tone. Misha was right next to him. A hand rested on Jensen’s head. Jensen leaned slightly into the touch before remembering to keep his pose. Words were lost to him. 

“Speak,” Misha’s voice was still soft, but had an authoritative tone that Jensen couldn’t ignore. 

“I don’t know,” He answered honestly. It could have been five minutes or three hours. The time had melted away, had become meaningless. 

“What do you need?” Misha asked. 

“To please you,” spilled from his mouth. 

“Good Slut.” 

A sense of pride swelled inside him and a jolt of arousal coursed through his cock. 

“Crawl in here and take your position,” Misha guided him to an open space in the bedroom. 

When Jensen had resumed his pose, he listened intently, trying to figure out where Misha was and what he was doing. Misha’s hand curled into his hair, lifting his head. Jensen struggled to keep his eyes closed, but his lips parted slightly as his breathing quickened. The soft, velvety head of Misha’s cock brushed lightly against his lips. A shiver went down his spine. Sure, he’d sucked guys off before, even Misha, but never like this. 

“Is this what you want?” Misha asked, his voice low and growly. 

“Yes, Sir,” Jensen whispered. 

PART 2

[npfehr]

photo credit: me

Recently Completed: Unpacking (PC)

This is a relaxing puzzle game in which your task is to unpack boxes of things, and then find places for those things to go. The game moves through the years, following the same person through college, relationships, and eventually a space of their own. The story is relayed entirely via rooms and the objects you unpack, and it's brilliantly affecting.

Sometimes you will go through things in a workerlike fashion. The shampoo bottles go on the shower shelves, the toilet paper in the little holder. Sometimes you will pluck something out of a box that makes you smile like being reunited with an old friend, as was the case with the beloved piggy stuffy that travels everywhere with the main character. Sometimes you will be perplexed as you try to figure out how you're supposed to get all of these shoes into one little closet.

I wrote about the ukulele and my delight about its evolving circumstances, but here I want to talk about a moment midway through the game that actually made me stop for a few days.

[Mild spoilers I guess!]

So, out of college and following an apparently failed live-in relationship, you find yourself back in your childhood bedroom (the one in the screenshot above). The shelf under the window is there, but the bed has been replaced with a desk and a sewing machine, and there's a different bed off to the side. The light through the window is muted, and the music is melancholy. It's cramped, and the challenge is to try and shoehorn your things into this space. Hopefully not for long.

The idea of a home as a warm, inviting place has always been extremely powerful to me. My parents always made it clear to my brothers and me that no matter what, no matter our disagreements or sins, we could always come home and get back on our feet from there. And we've all done it, over time and sometimes more than once. It's something I genuinely hope to pass on to my children as well; that no matter what, if you need a space to get yourself together before heading out into the world again, we love you and we're keeping that open for you.

But at the same time, when you've been away, home is never what it was, is it? We moved off the farm when I was about 12, and I befriended the kid whose family bought our old house. Going back there to visit was uncanny, a space I recognized filled with objects I didn't.

When I left for university, my bedroom in our new house got converted into the office of our small family business. There were of course other bedrooms to stay in when I was there, but they weren't my room.

A couple of years ago, the new house got sold after Mom died, and Dad remarried and moved out. I know we'd still be welcome in his new place, and my stepmom is a wonderful person, but it's just...different again.

In the game, I when I took in this new scene the main character's bedroom, seeing it be both different and the same, those layered emotions came over me and out loud I said "Oh no, no" and closed the game. It was Friday, and I let the weekend pass before I opened it up and played on Monday. This time I looked a little longer, and even opened a box and took out a thing or two. Then I gave up again, and closed it down until the next day.

It's not hard to imagine my character feeling much the same way, gazing out over the boxes, trying to will themselves to move something around, and then making just enough room to sleep and/or leaving the room altogether for a while.

At last, the next day I was able to settle in and do the rest of the work. It wasn't easy, but it got done, and to my great relief, the next chapter was a better situation with acres of space.

I don't think I've had a game evoke these feelings before, and I remain impressed that it was done without dialogue or cutscenes. I'm also encouraged by the way that the character's story improves from there, and it's helped me reflect on my own life and the way a new home can be built over time, even while having mixed feelings about the homes we've known and loved.

[End of mild spoilers!]

Every so often I will come across a game that reinforces my belief that games are art, and this is one of them. I think my main criteria are that it moved me while playing, made me think about it while I wasn't playing, and told a story in a way unique to the medium. Unpacking, to me, is art, and is easily one of my favourite games this year. Play it!

[midnight-inthe-kitchen]

“Hotel Potter” (Part 3)

Paring: Remus x Reader (Marauders Era)

Warnings: Fluff, James is bad at fixing things, More awkwardness haha, and mentions of eating issues?

Word Count: 1775

A/n: I didn’t proof read this, so enjoy/I’m sorry... (Also, we’re getting close to the part I had in my DrEaM✨)

You watched as Sirius dropped his bag on the floor before immediately breaking into a sprint to fling himself onto the bed. The bed...

You didn’t know exactly why you were expecting there to be two... I mean that would be a bit excessive for a regular house... but not until this very moment did you realize the consequences of your poor decisions.

“Hey, Y/N,” Marlene called out from the hallway after hearing Sirius’ loud running start. “Good luck!” Her laugh echoed throughout the hall.

Lily came from around the corner to let you know you were always welcome in her room if Sirius turned out to be an actual dog. You simply accepted and just smiled while shedding a singular, figurative tear. “Nah, I’ll be fine... Probably ;)”

It didn’t take you very long to choose a side of the room and stick to it. You were just going to leave most of your stuff in your suitcase to avoid any huge messes. This obviously left you with some time to kill so you wandered back into the hallway.

When you got there, however, all you saw was Remus sitting on the floor in front of the first door James had tried so hard to open. When he saw you step into the hallway, he stood up.

“Where’s James?” you asked confused since they were supposed to be ‘bunking’ together.

Remus shifted his weight, “Oh um, he went to get a hammer, I think.” He shoved his hands in his pockets in hopes of looking less awkward.

“Oh,” you laugh. “Wh- why on Earth does James need a hammer?” You laugh at he thought of James actually fixing anything successfully.

He turned and jabbed his finger behind him to the door. “It, uh... locked us out.” He laughed under his breath as he rubbed the back of his neck in embarrassment.

You laughed as well. “...Did you try Alohamora?” you offered to your ‘genius’ friend.

He straightened up a little, almost offended. “We did, actually,” he smiled, “...Except James kept saying ‘Hola-ha-mora’, so it shouldn’t have worked the first three times anyways.”

You, having the heart of a Hufflepuff but intuition of a Ravenclaw, made your way over to him to see the doorknob yourself. Remus shuffled out of the way after first being stunned by your unexpected approach.

“So what’s actually wrong with it, then?” you question, getting on one knee to peer though the keyhole.

Remus awkwardly leaned over your head to look down on the situation but quickly realized how weird it looked from everyone else’s perspective and simply took a step back. “Um... You know I was actually thinking there might be internal rusting somewhere?”

You tutted your tongue on the top of your mouth, still very concentrated. “I mean sure, but that seems very unlikely due to the appearance of the rest of the house. You would think if someone could take the time to polish the toilet-paper holders, the inside of the room locks should be in perfect condition...” Remus nodded in agreement. “... And James doesn’t have the key?” you asked, confused by the concept of poor safety measures.

Remus just shrugged, “He said the house is so old that with unlocking charms, you know, because they are so common in wizarding communities, his parents figured ‘what would be the point’ of keeping any of the keys I suppose? I don’t know... Anyways, I told him that was dumb and then he went to go get a hammer.”

You stood up, having to steady yourself first from the fast rush of blood to your head. “What does he exspect to do?” you wonder out loud, “It’s not like he can just smash the handle off— though that would solve the problem,” you mutter that last part. “...But come on... I mean Mr and Mrs Potter would kill him and let Sirius bury his bones...”

“What?”

“...Nothing,” you continued. “But by the looks of it, all the handles look like an original artist’s craftsmanship which means not only are they more valuable and rare as a completed set, but they’re also way more expensive.”

Remus marveled silently at your quirky fountain of knowledge. For such a quiet and peaceful-minded soul, he often forgot that in the moments you weren’t tarnished by the boisterous personality of everyone else, you were more than bright enough to light up his world for a moment.

Just then, you and Remus turned to where you could both hear quickened footsteps making they’re way up the staircase. “Not to fear, Moony!... You’ll be reunited with your precious books in no ti-” James stopped mid-sentence before he nearly ran into the two of you.

“Back from your quest, oh key-less one?” You watch as James furrowed his brow before glancing at Remus then back to you.

”Ah, yes, I almost—”

“Is that a screwdriver?” you bite your lip to prevent yourself from laughing right in his face. James lifted up the “hammer” he got from heaven knows where with pride.

“No. It’s a hammer, Y/n, jeeze, I would have though you’d know, coming from a nice muggle community.... Now will you please move out of the way so I can fix this thing?” He readjusted his glasses sassily.

By this point in the conversation, Remus and you were nearly having a seizure trying not to burst out in laughter at your friend who really was trying his hardest. You eventually caved and shrunk up against the wall in a ball. “You ca- You can’t fix a door know with-”

“James,” Remus chuckled as he tried to pry the screwdriver from his hands. “That’s not going to-”

You both burst into another fit of laughter as James broke free and started whacking the lock with the butt-end of the device.

When the knob finally came loose, the three of you let out a little cheer. It was you, of course, who realized that the door needed to be lifted up a little while opening or closing becuse the real probably was with the hinges, not the lock.

About fifteen minutes later, when everyone had finally “set up camp”... James gave everyone a grand tour of the house. Your favorite bits were probably the drawing room because of the gorgeous window view and the library/study for obvious reasons. The part that you couldn’t quite get over, though, was the fact that there was a fireplace in practically every room. YAAAS WARMTH✨

When dinner finally hit though, you were definitely hungry. (You weren’t exactly starving because, well, eating had always seemed like a chore to you... Just thanks to the many perks of living in a 26% functioning body... But of course, you would push it aside unless you were on mental overload and therefore stress-ate an entire box of Cheerios plus a whole bag of goldfish and chocolate all night during that one OWLS season). But right now, in the midst of friends and good food, you were excited to spend the first evening of the weekend with them :)

The table (the smaller one meant for family not business guests in the main dining hall, was seated with James and Mary on both ends. Lily had somehow slithered her way to James’ left putting her, Marlene, and Sirius between the two. Peter sat on the left of James, smushing you between Remus on your left and Mary on your right.

You watched as the conversation switched from quidditch fowls, to hot quidditch team players, to James, Sirius, Mary and Marlene competing on who had gone out with the hottest Gryffindor member.

You obviously stayed out of this one as the three of you, Remus, and Peter all watched... Lily would throw in some deviously timed mention about her short flings with Slytherin team boys just to throw James off his lead.

“Sorry about not answering earlier...” Remus stated out of nowhere.

“What?” you muffled, trying not to choke on the soup you were currently obsessing over.

Remus was hoping he would t have to repeat himself, but just when he was about to, your brain registered his words.

“Oh! Oh, no no, that’s totally fine. I actually had just told Sirius that I didn’t care where I was- Wha- I’m sorry,” you laugh nervously, stuttering on every new sentence. WhY wAs iT sO HaRd To TaLk RiGhT NoW? “I just didn’t want to put you in that position, you know having to choose who to sleep with- I MEAN not sleep-sleep with just you know...” You could practically feel your face cooking.

“...Sirius(?).” You both finish as you gesture to the boy across the table from you, trying to stick his spoon to his nose using only his breath.

You both sat there, distracted and watching him until he actually succeeded. “Mary, look!” Right as he turned to show her however, it slid off and splashed soup up in his face.

You propped your head off your hand after a long moment of thought.... “Bet I could do it longer...” you start, turning back to Remus.

A confused smile stretched across his face. “...What?” he questioned again as if he hadn’t hear you properly the first time.

Without answering, you picked up the second spoon placed at your table spot (for whatever reason) and you watched as your reflection became more and more cloudy.

“Are you—”

You turned calmly to meet his face with a spoon now hanging from atop your nose.

After a good couple seconds of Remus staring at you, it finally clicked in his head what you were doing. A rare grin stretched up his face as he grabbed his own spoon and tried it himself.

It took a couple of tries for the spoon to really stick, but as soon as it did, Sirius saw from across the room and automatically turned it into a table-wide competition.

By the time pudding came around, you were holding the record of four minutes and twelve seconds versus Peter somehow who was thirteen seconds shy.

When the competition had ended though, Lily finally asked what the heck the plan was for the rest of the weekend...

In the morning, James said, everyone could go up to an abandoned village area where a muggle summer camp once stood and they could spend the night there. He promised the plumbing still worked for whatever reason, so it could be totally doable.

Every fiber of your being was telling you that was a dumb idea, especially a bunch of teenagers in the woods alone, but whatever right? Majority votes are always won by the delinquents.

[birdsandspades]

I Was Never Good at Waiting (Sugawara x Reader) Chapter 13

- It was your last year in highschool, everything had been going smoothly until you got assigned the new teacher. Sugawara Koushi was handsome, maybe too handsome for his own good. Be he wasn't flirting with you right, teachers shouldn't do that....I guess we will see where this year goes.

Word Count - 9,227

----

You looked down at the phone in your hand, thumb hovering over the dark screen. 

You knew you needed to call him, tell him what had happened with Yua. But what would you say? You had created yet another problem that he was going to have to solve. 

You sighed, sinking into the couch cushions. “Maybe I can just figure it out without telling him about the whole Yua thing. I could tell her you got sick, or that we broke…” 

Your phone screen illuminated, the sudden vibrations jostling you as you fumbled with the device in your hand. “H-Hi Koushi!” You nervously yelled into the phone, gripping it with both hands.

“Hi F/N? You sound kind of weird, are you ok?” He questioned. 

“Yeah, totally fine. I had to run home, it looked like it was going to rain. Didn’t want to get caught in it ya know.” Drawing your lip between your teeth, you chewed at it nervously. That had all been a lie, a blatant lie. You had been home for over an hour, nervously toying with the power button on your phone as you waited for his call. 

“Huh, ok…” Sugawara craned his head to look out his kitchen window. 

The sky was a vibrant blue, speckled with wispy clouds. The heat of the day was evident from the radiance of the sun that peaked out between them. He wouldn’t call himself a cloud expert, but those definitely weren’t rain clouds. 

“Well, i’m glad you made it home ok.” He drew out the sentence, mulling over your panicked tone. 

“Yeah, home. Safe and sound!” You hoped he would leave it at that, you prayed that he would leave it at that. 

“So, did you work things out with Yua today? I saw you leave together after practice.” Sugawara probed, he knew you were hiding something, and he was going to get it out of you. 

“Yeah, everything's all fine now! Nothing to worry about at all. We worked it out and now everything's great!” You knew you were repeating yourself, but the speed that your brain was trying to dig your way out of the conversation coming was dizzying. 

“And...details? She didn’t seem super excited to see you this morning, how did you manage to get her to listen to you?” His soft chuckles sounded through your speaker, something that would have usually relaxed you. 

“Oh um, I just kinda forced her to listen to me. Nothing that eventful.” You weren’t really sure how to explain to him the course of events that transpired during your warmup run, or what thought process you had when you decided to tackle your friend. 

But it didn’t matter, you didn’t need to. He had gotten the wonderful opportunity to watch it all from the comfort of the gym vending machines. 

He would be lying if he said he didn’t pick those particular vending machines just to see you. They were out of the way, and had a far worse selection then the ones available in the teacher's lounge. But nonetheless, there he was weighing his options for juice when he picked up the faint sound of yelling. 

He had looked up as Yua and you came in view at the top of the hill, your arms around her middle as you tipped over the side. He watched you both roll down the hill, limbs tangled with hers. You both unraveled from each other at the bottom, covered in grass and dirt as your bodies finished it's last rotation. 

He had started to worry when you didn’t get up, still laying face first in the grass. But once he saw you roll over, red faced from the run he knew you were just fine. He peaked out from behind the machines, snickering to himself as he watched you and Yua. 

He had left after he saw you both stand up, happy to see you two talking again. 

“Nothing interesting on the way home? She didn’t want to know who I was?” He added, smiling to himself, Maybe that was what you were so nervous to tell him. It was a pretty silly way to get her to listen, but he wouldn’t have expected anything less from you. 

“Well… she did ask about you.” You trailed off, looking out the window.

Sugawara waited for you to finish. “And?” He drug out the word, annoyance hidden in his tone. 

If you didn’t tell him what was going on soon you were sure he would just drive to your house and interrogate you in person. 

“And I told her that you lived in Tokyo and that we hadn’t really met in person yet…” 

Sugawara let out a small sigh, “Well that's easy to fix, we can just make up…” 

“So now she may be buying train tickets to Tokyo on Sunday so...wecanbothmeetyou.” You rushed out the sentence, volume dying as you mumbled out the end. 

“Did you say meet you, as in she’s going with you to Tokyo to meet your boyfriend.” Sugawara pursed his lips as he slowly connected the words you had spit out. 

“Yes.”

“This Sunday, as in two days from now. You and Yua are going to travel to Tokyo to meet me, your boyfriend, who is also her teacher.” His tone was calm and collected as he reiterated.

You were silent, listening to the faint nervous tapping of his fingers over your speaker. “Yes.”

“Ok, that's what I thought you just said. F/N I CAN’T LET YOU INTRODUCE ME AS YOUR BOYFRIEND TO YOUR FRIENDS, YOU DO KNOW THAT RIGHT?!” It was over for him, there was no way out of this. 

“Yes I know that, BUT SHE’S JUST SO SCARY AND I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT TO DO!” You were both panicking now. You were banking on the fact that this man could figure out anything, and now look where you were. 

“Ok, ok. We can figure this out, it can’t be that hard. We can meet up tomorrow and think of options and…”

”About that, you know how you wanted to come to my next show. Well, it’s tomorrow…” You squeezed your eyes shut, pulling the phone away from your ear. 

“F/N WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE CONCERT IS TOMORROW, I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO TELL ME WHEN IT WAS WEEKS AGO!?”

You had broken him. The calm and rational man you loved was gone, replaced with a frantic ticking time bomb of nerves. “I’M SORRY! I FORGOT AND EVERYTHING'S BEEN SO CRAZY WITH ME GETTING PUNCHED IN THE FACE, AND YOU KISSING ME,THEN IGNORING ME, THEN KISSING ME AGAIN, AND I ROLLED DOWN A HILL FACE FIRST TO TALK TO YUA ABOUT BEING WITH YOU, BUT I COULDN’T REALLY SAY IT WAS YOU, please don’t be mad at me…”

He gritted his teeth. This conversation was going nowhere, and the panicking wasn't going to change that. “I’m not mad at you, not exactly happy with all of this, but i’m not mad at you. I’ll think of something, just send me the information for the concert tomorrow and when you need to be there. I’ll pick you up and we can go together ok?” His tone was soft as he tried to calm you both down. 

“I’m sorry Koushi, please don’t break up with me.”

He snorted at your sudden remark. Hand coming up to suppress his laughs.“It’s going to take a lot more to make me break up with you, so don’t worry ok? I’m sure your brain was still a little rattled from how many times you rolled down that hill.” 

Your eyes shot open at his teasing remark. “Wait a minute, did you see me fall down the hill?!” 

His laugh finally erupted from your speaker, your face heating up as realization set in. “I love you, i’ll see you tomorrow.” 

You tried to interject but the line went dead before you could get a word out.

He set down his phone on the kitchen countertop, rolling his eyes and smiling. You were going to be the death of him. 

----

You had just gotten out of the shower, settling into your bed for the night when your phone buzzed on your bedside table. You reached over, turning the phone just enough to see the new message.

“Hey loser! I got our tickets, so make sure your secret boyfriend knows that we will be at the Tokyo Station around noon. I got us tickets for the bullet train so you better not flake out or i’ll shake you down for that money! I’ll send you a photo of the tickets! I can’t wait to see what kind of guy you scored!” 

You turned the phone back over and laid back.

You were grateful for such a great friend. You had someone who loved you enough to spend that kind of money just to get you to meet your kind of fake boyfriend. You could only hope that she would be excited when the day came that you could introduce her to the person you were actually dating, you just hoped that day wasn’t Sunday. 

You sank into your comforter, your mind racing as you thought of the fast approaching day. 

----

You peeled one eye open, the blurry dark corners of your room coming into view. The only light you saw came from the edges of the phone on your bedside table, the ringing continuing as you reached to pick it up. Turning it upright you read over the caller id, groaning as you accepted the call and lifted the device to your ear. 

“I know that you're kind of famous now, but us normal people have regular sleep schedules.” You rolled back over in bed, closing your eyes again. You could hear the commotion of a party in the background, the heavy bass resonating through the speaker.

“Tooru, did you butt dial me?” You waited a moment for a response, listening to the background chatter of the club. 

“I’m sorry, I know it’s late.” Oikawa apologized, looking down at the drink in his hand. He pulled the phone away from his ear to look at the time, 3:27 a.m. 

“It’s ok, are you doing alright? You never call this late.” 

He smiled at the concern in your voice, happy to be on your mind, even if it was just for a moment. “No, i’m a bit drunk.” He giggled, setting down his drink on the toilet paper holder as he leaned against the bathroom stall door. 

“Senpai, do you want me to call Hajime to come get you?” You sat up, resting your back against the headboard of your bed. 

“No, i’m fine. I’ve been hiding in the bathroom for a while. These girls are relentless, and my head is throbbing.” His words were slurred, syllables connecting as he mumbled. 

“You should go home Tooru, get some sleep.” You watched out your window, eyes fixed on the moths dancing under the distant street light.

“Yeah, I should. Goodnight F/N, I love you…”

“Goodnight Senpai, please get home safe ok?” 

He ended the call, staring down at your contact photo. A knock sounded on the bathroom stall door as the screen went black.

“Oikawa-san are you going to come back out?”

He wiped away the threatening tears, opening the stall door and giving his friend a forced smile. “Sorry, I had to make a phone call.”

----

You were sitting on your porch steps waiting for Sugawara to pick you up. The evening sun peaked out from the top of the houses, oranges and pink brushing the edges surrounding the remaining rays as it disappeared for the night. 

You didn’t get much sleep after your phone call with Oikawa, far too worried to relax.

You had called Iwaizumi after you got off the phone, troubled by such a late call. You begged him to go pick up his friend, listing off all the things that could go wrong. You both knew that he was the safest bet for getting Oikawa home safely that night. 

Despite his annoyance, that was all it took for you to convince him to drive down to the busy club nestled in downtown Tokyo. It took him a while to find him, all by himself fast asleep in a private booth.

Your phone call with him had ended around 6:00 a.m, finally at ease once your cousin had gotten the drunk man in his own bed. You had fallen back asleep around 7:00, happy to know everyone was safe at home.

But that didn’t last long, the obsessive ringing of your phone made sure of that. 

At 10:00 Ryu started berating your phone with calls, determined to get you up for a surprise rehearsal before the concert.

Now here you were, sleep deprived and halfway to a caffeine coma as your boyfriend pulled into your driveway. 

He stepped out of the car, flashing you a bright smile as he closed the door. 

You stood up, guitar case in tow as you walked over to him. 

“Hi honey.” You pushed your face into his chest, lazily wrapping your arms around his waist. 

He reached a hand up, giving your head a soft pat. “Hi princess, someone looks tired. Did you stay up late studying?” 

You rolled your eyes, giving him a light push. “Mhm, I studied all night.” 

He took the instrument case from your hands, putting it into the trunk of his car. “What else would my A+ student be doing all night?” He laughed and opened the door for you to get into the car. 

“Oh you know, illegal stuff.” 

He chuckled, closing the door.

“Your outfit is nice…” Sugawara peaked over at you as the car slowed to a stop.

You looked down at your faded grey sweatpants, eyes fixed on the discolored paint spots that speckled the legs. “Oh, our manager dresses us when we get to the venue.” You laughed as he cocked his head. 

“You still look nice.” 

Your face heated up at his compliment, eyes avoiding his gaze as you toyed with your shirt sleeve. “You look nice too…”

He was so handsome at school, always so well dressed. It was easy to forget how young he really was when he was teaching. He could easily pass for someone much older than 23 with the way he held himself. But today was different, his usual professional demeanor was replaced with the relaxed look of a young adult. 

He had on a plain black and white baseball tee, sleeves pushed up slightly as the extra fabric pooled around his elbows. Your eyes moved to his legs, shifting as he moved to press the brakes. His knees peaking through the rips in his black jeans. 

“Really? I was running errands before I came and got you so I just put something comfortable on…” He reached over, taking your hand in his and giving it a soft squeeze. “Is this your first big concert?” 

You nodded. “Yeah, the biggest audience we’ve had so far was about 350 people. But Macana is the first real venue we get to play at. They said it was sold out…”

You were definitely nervous, anyone could see that. It had taken a lot of work to get you this show, but you were finally getting the opportunity. After they had canceled your spot at Kyoritsu Kodo you were sure this concert wasn’t going to happen. Luckily your manager knew the owners of Macana in Sendai and got you moved over with little issue. 

“Thank you for coming, I've never had someone come to a show that I actually knew…”

Sugawara gave you a surprised look, sure he knew it was a secret that you were in this band. But had no one really come to see you play? 

He flashed you a smile, rubbing his thumb over the back of your hand. “Well I plan on coming to every one of your shows, if you remember to actually tell me when you're having them.” 

You looked over at him, pink dusting your cheeks. 

He laughed, he would never get tired of seeing you like that. He unlace his fingers from yours, reaching up to squeeze your cheek. “I’m proud of you, all your hard work is paying off.” His gaze shifted from you to the road, hand returning to the steering wheel as he pulled into the venue parking lot. 

Only time would tell if all your work with Systematic would pay off, but seeing that smile everyday while you figured it out didn’t seem half bad. 

Koushi held out his arm as you wrapped the yellow band around his wrist. 

“Don’t lose this bracelet. If you do they won’t let you backstage,, and you have to remember to call me Kiko. They don’t know my real name. If you get lost backstage you can find my manager, she goes by Hanami-san. She’s really tall, long black hair, kind of mean. She has two passes for your friends, you can give them theirs when you see them.”

Sugawara followed behind you as you moved through the crowd of people setting up the stage. His hand reaching for yours as you listed off the rules of the night.

He looked up at the stage lights, watching as they tested the different colors. The patterns danced on the back banner as it unfolded from the ceiling. A stage hand tested the microphone in front of it, waving hand signals to someone far off as he balanced out the volume. 

You tugged on his hand, pulling his attention back to you. 

“It’s a lot to take in.” He gave you a sweet smile, picking up his pace to match yours.

You held the black curtain open as he walked backstage. “I’ll introduce you to everyone before I have to go get ready. But I'll meet back up with you for warmups after.”

He nodded, taking your hand again as you walked him down the hallway. 

You pushed open the door to the waiting room, the sound of chatter growing louder as you both stepped inside. “Hey brats, I see all of you actually came on time.” 

The four boys turned, smiling once they saw you. 

“Kiko! Did you see the stage? It’s huge!” A tall man stood up, awkwardly trying to step over top of the couch as he made his way to you.

Long blonde hair feathered out around his shoulders, tousled and soft as it led up to his dark roots. He reached up to brush his lengthy bangs from his light brown eyes, his gaze focusing on Sugawara as he stopped in front of you. 

“Hi, i’m Ryouku, but you can call me Ryu. You must be Koushi.” Ryu took Koushi’s outstretched hand in his own, giving it an energetic shake as a smile spread across his face. 

“I’m Jomei, nice to meet you.”

Sugawara looked around the bright blonde to a smaller man. He was sitting on the floor, a messy notebook in his hand.

He looked up, emerald eyes peeking through his black waves.

Sugawara gave him a wave, smiling as the man returned it.

Another man made his way around the couch, offering his hand to Koushi. “I’m Sana, it’s nice to finally meet you!” 

He was by far the tallest of the group, towering over the three of you as he shook Koushi’s hand. His curly red hair was pushed back with a hair band, drawing focus to his eyes.

They reminded Koushi of a lemon bar, the milky yellow fading to a golden brown that ringed the outer rim. 

You tugged on Koushi’s sleeve, pointing to the last member of your group. 

He was set up in the corner of the room with his keyboard. Headphones pushing down the spikes of his light brown hair. 

“That's Toma.” You waved your hand at the man, pulling his attention away from his work. 

He looked between you both, his tired auburn eyes almost staring through you. He gave you a brief nod before turning his gaze back on his composition. 

An older woman popped her head into the room, her long black hair pulled into a tight bun. She trained her grey eyes on you, pushing up her glasses as she motioned for you to follow her. 

“I have to get ready, do you want to come with me?” 

Koushi looked between you and the new group of men he had just met. He was definitely uncomfortable with the amount of new faces in the room, you knew that as much as he did. 

“No, I'll stay here.” He shook his head. 

You returned his sweet smile, giving his hand a light squeeze before following your manager. 

He had made you bring him so he could meet your band members, and this was his chance.

----

You had taken longer to get ready then you expected, but after three outfit changes, two hair styling sessions, and a lot of makeup touch up, you were finally finished.

You looked in the mirror, smoothing out your black t-shirt dress.

Your manager had originally gotten you a long opaque lace dress, the red bodysuit underneath would have peaked through under the right amount of stage light. But the garment bag had never made it to the venue, lost somewhere among the rest of your stage equipment you left behind. 

She had made some quick changes, making due with the wardrobe she had for you and the boys. She had given you Sana’s black t-shirt, the length falling mid thigh on your smaller frame. A pair of bright red fishnets hugged your legs, found at the bottom of Ryu’s backpack from a concert long ago. She stole Jomei’s denim jacket from his locker, it had been just small enough to fit you. The outfit was tied together with Toma’s small collection of pocket chains, modified to fit as a necklace for the occasion. Lucky for you, your trusty black platform boots were in your bag, happy to not need to wear your band members shoes. 

It was a franken outfit, made up of your band members left over clothing items. But somehow it felt fitting for the occasion, the perfect mixture of the group, and you got to wear it. 

You made your way back to the lounge. “I hope Koushi is doing ok, I've been gone for awhile…”

You peaked your head inside, looking around the room for your boyfriend. “Hey sorry that took so long, you're not going to believe what we had to do to get me dressed…” Your heart squeezed at the sight before you. 

Your members sat around the room, eyes fixed on Sugawara and Sana. Sugawara was fumbling through fingerings on your bass guitar, Sana adjusting his digits as he taught him the notes to one of your new songs. 

“Yeah, now slide this one down. Don’t lift this one though. That looks good, now go ahead and play.”

He slowly strummed out the notes, pausing after each one to adjust his positioning. 

You shut the door behind you, quietly watching as the boys encouraged him. 

Sugawara caught sight of you standing behind the couch, a large smile spreading across his face. “Sana-san was teaching me how to play one of your favorite songs, but I think i’m butchering it.” 

The rest of the boys laughed, giving him praise for the progress he had made while you were gone. 

“I think you sounded great.” You made your way around the couch, standing next to Ryu.

Sugawara lifted the neck strap over his head, handing the bass back to Sana. “You look pretty.” He pushed a strand of hair behind your ear, looking over your outfit of the night. 

“Hey is that my jacket?” Jomei questioned, turning you around to get a better look. 

“And are those my fishnets?” Ryu added, glaring up at you. 

Sugawara gave you a questionable look as you laughed at your band members probing. 

----

It was close to 8:30 p.m when the venue started to fill up, concert goers filing inside as the stage hands finished setting up.

“I’m going to go find Daichi and Asahi, they just texted me that they were walking inside.” Sugawara turned you away from your warm ups as he motioned for the exit. 

You walked with him to the black curtain separating the blocked off backstage. “Will you be up front when I come out?” The audience was loud on the other side of the curtain forcing you to yell. 

Sugawara nodded, moving out of the way of a group coming off the stage. 

“I’ll see you soon!” You gave his hand a firm squeeze, turning to return to your warm ups.

Sugawara grabbed your wrist, turning you back towards him. “Hey, you haven’t even kissed me today.” 

You gave him a confused look, the noise around you too loud to hear him. 

“I said, you haven’t even kissed me today!” 

You tilted your head, lifting a hand to your ear. 

“I said, oh forget it.” He reached out, grabbing your face as he pulled you into him. His lips crashed against yours, softening once he had you pushed up against him. 

You were caught off guard, grabbing his arms as you steadied yourself.

He pulled away, a smirk pulling at the corner of his lips. 

You shook your head, leaning up to capture his lips again. 

“Gross guys, can you go somewhere else with that shit?” Ryu teased as he walked past. 

You tried to pull away from Koushi, reaching to grab the back of Ryu’s shirt. But Koushi wrapped an arm around your neck instead, deepening the kiss as he pulled you in closer to him. 

The group of men chuckled, watching as you squirmed in his tight embrace. 

You gave in after a moment, smiling into the kiss as he loosened his grip on you. 

He pulled away again, the same smirk returning to his lips. “I love you.” 

The apples of your cheeks heated up, flustered as his eyes looked over your features. “I love you too.” You stuttered out, your eyes fixing on his own. 

“Hey time to get ready.” Your manager touched your shoulder, pulling you away from him. 

“I’ll see you soon.” He placed a kiss to your forehead before waving goodbye to the rest of the band members and disappearing out of the heavy curtains. 

Sugawara made his way through the audience, eyes scanning over the sea of heads as he made his way towards the doors. 

“Hey, Koushi!” 

Sugawara whipped his head around. 

“Turn around, a little more…” 

His brows knitted together as he continued his search. Rotating his head, he looked over the people pushing past towards the stage. 

Someone screamed his name again, turning the heads of those around them as he focused in on their waving hands. 

Asahi apologised to the people around him as Sugawara made his way over to his frantic friend. “Sawamura-san, you don’t need to yell so loud.” Sugawara smiled as he wrapped his arms around the men, squeezing them in his tight grip. 

“You’ve gotten blind and deaf in your old age Koushi, how else should I get your attention?” Daichi chuckled, his teasing words earning a small pout from his friend. 

“Sorry we came so late, the line outside was crazy. I don’t think they expected so many people to show up.” 

Sugawara looked around the room, Asahi was right, the place was packed. He had expected it to be full tonight, but he was starting to feel like a sardine as he rubbed shoulders with the people around him. 

“So I take it you and this girl worked things out since we’re here?” Daichi questioned, gathering the other two as he pushed them towards the stage. 

“Yeah, I guess we're dating now…” Sugawara smiled to himself, you were dating. Finally being able to openly say it to someone felt good. This was honestly the perfect opportunity, no one here knew who you were or how you knew him. Tonight you two could just be a couple, nothing to hide. 

“How did you even meet this girl anyways?” Asahi leaned in towards his friends, his voice loud as he shouted over the crowd. 

Daichi shot Asahi a quizzical look. “What do you mean? She’s the girl from the coffee shop Koushi was obsessed with.” 

Sugawara's heart skipped a beat, of course they would recognize you from the coffee shop. He drug them there almost every day in an attempt to see you. 

“Oh yeah! That is her. When did you two see eachother again? I thought you said she didn’t come back to the shop once school started again?” 

A panicked laugh escaped Sugawara’s lips as he looked between the men. He hadn’t made a fake “How you first met” story yet. “Uh well…” 

The lights cut and the audience quieted. The stage lights went up as the band walked out, waving to the crowd as the members made their way to their instruments. Never in his life had Sugawara been so grateful to be interrupted.

“Wow, look at everyone! They weren’t kidding when they said we sold out twice! But you asked for extra tickets, and we like to deliver!” You laughed into the microphone, looking over the packed audience as your members got ready for the first song. 

“Well since it’s our first big venue, and some of you may be new. How about we introduce everyone?”

The crowd cheered in response as you walked the microphone over to Jomei. You lifted it up to his mouth as he adjusted his guitar strap.

“Hi, i’m Jomei! I play guitar and do backup vocals for the band.” He blushed as the audience members greeted him back. 

You gave him a soft smile before walking behind him to your drummer. You stepped up onto the platform, stretching your arm across the drum set to hand Ryu the microphone. 

“I’m Ryu, the visuals of this group!” 

Sana walked up behind him, plucking the microphone out of his hand as he made his way to the front of the stage. 

Ryu gave him a playful pout, earning an eye roll from Toma. 

“Hello! My name’s Sana and I play bass as you can see.” Sana wiggled his bass at the audience, a bright smile plastered on his face as he looked over the mass of people. “I’m glad you could all make it for such a big concert! I hope it's one of many venue shows that we can share together!” Sana handed you back the microphone, laughing as he looked over at the Toma. 

Toma frowned as you walked up beside him, tilting the microphone toward his lips. You mouthed a go-ahead to the quiet boy, waiting for him to say something. 

“Toma, keyboard and backup vocals.'' He mumbled out his introduction, eyes never leaving your own as he did. 

You couldn’t help but giggle at his soft scowl, a bright smile spreading across your face as his heated up. 

“And I'm Kiko, vocals and the occasional bass player. Thanks for coming to our little show tonight.” You made your way back to center stage, placing the microphone back on it's stand and looking back to Ryu. 

He gave you a nod, starting the count off for the first song to start. 

Sugawara was blissfully watching you bounce around the stage, shooting you smiles every time you looked his way. 

You were on your forth song of the set, a rendition of “Kiss Me” by Sixpence None The Richer. He recognized it as soon as it started, the familiar guitar stirring memories from the beginning of the school year.

You had forced him to listen to the original during one of your previous study sessions, claiming that it was the perfect love song. He could hardly hold back his laughter when he saw how sad you looked when he said it wasn’t for him.

He did indeed like the song, it was catchy and sweet. But he had another song in mind while he sat next to you. 

It had played on the radio the day he saw you sitting in his classroom for the first time, pushing your smile to the forefront of his mind as he listened to it. He had listened to it daily since then, putting it on whenever he needed just a little bit of you in his life. 

Maybe one day he could get you to sing it for him, you probably would if he asked. But for now he just loved seeing you up on the stage, bright eyed as you looked out into the small sea of people. 

Sugawara was pushed forward, bumping into Asahi as he tried to catch himself. He turned around, glaring at the small man that shoved into him. “Hey, I know it’s packed in here. But can you watch what you're doing?” 

The dark haired man turned around to face Sugawara. “I’m so sorry, I tripped over someone’s foot and hit you. Are you ok...Sugawara-san?” 

Sugawara squinted, trying to make out the man’s face between the flashing lights of the stage. 

“Wait, Yamaguchi?” Daichi smiled, leaning in to hug Tadashi. 

“Yamaguchi, what are you doing here?” Asahi chirped. 

“Tadashi, hurry up. You don’t need to stop every ten seconds.” 

The four boys looked up at the tall blonde pushing his way towards them. 

“Tsukki, look who I found!” Yamaguchi pointed towards Sugawara, smiling as he looked over his old friends. 

“Tsukishima too! What are the odds?” Daichi chuckled, it had been awhile since he had last seen your underclassmen. 

“What are you guys doing here?” Sugawara yelled over the music at the two men. 

“Me and Tsukki are big fans of Systematic! The drummer is in my literature classes and got us tickets to come see them as a thank you for homework help. What are you guys doing here?” Yamaguchi answered back as he tried his best to speak over the song. 

“The lead singer is Sugawara’s girlfriend!” Asahi smiled, giving Sugawara a pat on the back. 

“Let’s go over by the door, it’s hard to hear you guys!” Daichi motioned for the exit as he looked between everyone. 

“No, I'm gonna stay and watch the show, but you guys can go.” Sugawara gave the men a soft smile before turning back to the stage. 

“I’ll stay too, just text me if you need me to come find you Tadashi.” Tsukishima motioned for them to go as he turned to watch the concert. 

Sugawara stood next to Tsukishima in silence, the both of them watching you. 

“So you're dating Kiko.” Tsukishima broke the silence after a while, eyes still on the stage as he spoke to Sugawara. 

“Yeah, but we haven’t been together for too long.” Sugawara grinned as you talked into the microphone, thanking everyone for taking the time to come out. 

You made your way over to the black curtains, meeting your stagehand as everyone began tuning for the next song. She lifted the strap over your head, positioning it to rest comfortably on your shoulder. You thanked her as you fished a pick out of your jacket pocket. Making your way back to the microphone, you pulled on the stand as you adjusted it. 

“Ok, just a few songs left before they kick us off the stage. So I suppose now is the perfect time for some new songs.” You grinned as the audience cheered. “I wrote this one a few weeks back for someone who at the time was very confusing. I was gonna scrap it, but Ryu liked it too much. So here is “Sweet Tooth”. Thanks for forcing me to write you a drum part to this song.” You rolled your eyes at the drummer, his smile bright as he yelled something inaudible at you.

You started off the song, playing the same base notes he had learned earlier in the day. He smiled to himself, his fingers recalling the positions as he subconsciously played along with you. 

----

The last song wrapped up, the final cords ringing out as the audience cheered. 

“Thank you again for coming out tonight. I hope I get to see all your beautiful faces at our next show. But until then, we have a new album coming out soon. So if you have more money to waste on us keep an eye out for it! Have a great night everyone, get home safe!” You waved a goodbye, following your band members backstage as the house lights turned on. 

Tsukishima looked past Sugawara, his eyebrows furrowing as he spoke. “You missed all the new songs Tadashi.” 

Sugawara turned around, smiling as his friends made their way through the dissipating crowd.

“Really? Man, I bet they were good. She’s been writing so much good stuff lately, and it’s thanks to you Sugawara-san.” Yamaguchi frowned, looking up at the empty stage.

“Hey, are you guys coming back stage or what?” The group of men turned their heads towards the backstage curtains, Ryu’s head stuck out as he motioned for the group to hurry. 

“Come on, I’m sure Kiko would love to meet you guys too.” Sugawara smiled as he motioned for everyone to follow him. 

----

You were waiting in the lounge for your boyfriend, happily talking with the rest of your band members as he walked into the room. 

“I brought some friends, I hope you don’t mind.” Koushi touched your shoulder, pulling you away from your conversation with Jomei. 

“Of course not.” You smiled, standing up to meet the newest additions to Sugawara’s group of friends. 

“This is Yamaguchi.” Sugawara pointed to the dark haired boy, laughing as he frantically shook your hand in his. “And this is Tsukishima.” You extended your other hand to the tall blonde, smiling up at him as he took it. 

“It’s great to meet you guys. How do you know Koushi?” 

“We were all on the volleyball team with him in high school.” Daichi added, giving you a grin as he chuckled at Yamaguchi still shaking your hand. 

“Wow, that's amazing. You guys must be really close.” 

Sugawara watched you as you talked with his friends. He loved how easy it was for you to conversate with others. You could have a meaningful conversation with just about anyone without even batting an eye. Now here you were, laughing with his friends like you had known them your whole life. 

Sana nudged Sugawara, pulling his attention to Ryu in front of him. 

“I’m sorry, I think I zoned out.” Sugawara blushed as he let out a sheepish laugh. 

“It’s cool, I was just seeing if you were busy tomorrow. We were gonna plan a beach day and Kiko said she was spending the day with her friend so I figured you were free.” 

Sugawara’s heart dropped at the mention of tomorrow. He had forgotten all about it. Sugawara took out his phone and clicked the power button. His lockscreen read 10:05 p.m. “Ah, i’m sorry. I have some work stuff to take care of tomorrow.”

“No worries, but you should definitely come next time!” Sana smiled before walking off to join the rest of his band members with Ryu. 

You looked over at Koushi, his eyes glued on his hands as he chewed at his lip. 

“Hey, are you ok?” You quietly questioned as you rested a hand on his arm. 

He nodded, giving you a soft smile. “Yeah, I'm good.” 

You weren't buying it. 

You tugged on his arm, pulling him away from the busy room. You held open the exit door, propping it open with a box as you made your way outside with him. “Koushi what's wrong?” You questioned again, tilting your head to meet his worried eyes. 

“I don’t know what we're going to do tomorrow F/N. I was hoping I would have something figured out by now, but it's almost midnight and I have no clue what to do.” 

You wrapped your arms around your boyfriend's torso, resting your head against his chest as he relaxed into your touch. 

“ I know she won’t be satisfied until she meets someone. She cares about you too much to let something like this go. I’m going to have to come, she’s just going to have to know it’s me.” 

You listened to Sugawara as he voiced his worries. 

“What if this goes bad F/N. What if this ends us. I just got you, i’m not ready to give this up yet.”

You wished you knew what to do, but you were in the same boat as him. You had been thinking about it all day. The possibility of having to end everything just because your friend may or may not take your relationship so well. 

“If only we had someone to meet her. Like a fake boyfriend for the day. But I can’t think of anyone that we could get that she doesn’t already know.”

Sugawara mulled over your words, leaning into you as he thought about it. It could work if he was able to find someone to be your pretend boyfriend for the day. But they would have to be around his age, going to school, and live in Tokyo. If he could find someone that he trusted enough, that could possibly work. 

Sugawara kissed the top of your head, looking out at the empty street, “We can figure this out.” Sugawara mumbled into your hair, his mind racing as he tried to think up a plan. 

----

The day was slowly wrapping up as the clock inched towards midnight. Everyone looked around the room with tired eyes, the conversations dulling as minds wandered to the beds waiting for them at home. 

The last of the beers had been drunk, the pizza boxes empty on the coffee table, and the stage equipment already packed and on it's way home. 

“Let’s head home Yamaguchi, it’s late and I have to do something in the morning.” Tsukishima beckoned for the man as he made his way towards the door. 

“Yeah, I think it’s about time to call it a night.” Sana nudged Ryu, waking him up from his alcohol induced slumber. 

“I’ll call a car to come pick us up, are you riding with us Kiko?” Jomei questioned as he helped Toma pick up the leftover cans. 

“No that's ok, I think I should take someone home.” You looked over at your boyfriend, shaking your head as he stumbled back into the room. 

He gave you a sweet smile, his face flushed from the alcohol. 

It had taken you a bit to convince him that it was in fact ok for him to drink with his friends, it was afterall a party to celebrate the concert. 

“I shouldn’t drink, not right now. I need to get you home after this, and I still need to figure out something for tomorrow. I can’t.” Sugawara rattled off reasons, his mood dropping by the second as he thought about more. 

“I can drive us home, I have a license you know. You look like you could use some fun with your friends. Don’t worry about tomorrow, i’m working on something, go have fun! I can’t stand you staring at them so sad while they are playing Pin Pon Pan.” You gave him a soft push toward the group of men laughing as they played. 

Sugawara wasn’t a huge fan of drinking just to drink. To him, if he needed alcohol to have fun, then it wasn’t something he needed to do. But drinking games were different for some reason. 

It had probably started in college, his love for the innocent game of Pin Pon Pan. It was easy to play, no one got left out, and he loved seeing the look on someone's face when they messed up the chain. What trouble could a few drinks cause, plus they had his favorite pear sake. 

“Ok, one game. But that's it.” He gave you a stern look before joining the circle. 

“Yeah, yeah. One game.” You teased, watching them play from the couch. 

Now it was two hours later, and your boyfriend was a giggly mess. He leaned up against Daichi, teasing an equally drunk Asahi. 

“Where did your shoe even go?” Daichi laughed, looking down at Asahi’s bare foot. 

“It’s on Suga-sans foot!” Asahi pointed to the mismatched pair on his friend's feet. 

“Where did my shoe go?” Sugawara chuckled, sitting down on the floor. He pulled off his other shoe, looking at it as if it would hold all the answers. 

“Where did you three disappear to?” You shook your head, chuckling as your boyfriend offered you his shoe. You gingerly took it, earning a soft smile from your very drunk boyfriend. 

Daichi looked down alarmingly at his jacket, patting the pockets as he looked for something. He reached inside, pulling out his vibrating phone. “Hi baby, mhm. Can we get some food on the way home? Me and Asahi-san are hungry.” Daichi wandered back into the hallway, Asahi chasing after him. 

“Is that Michimiya-chan, tell her hi for me!”

You could hear their footsteps echoing down the hallway as they made way for the exit. “I think it’s time to get you home too.” You reached your hand out, pulling your boyfriend to his feet.

“Goodnight guys, get home safe!” You waved goodbye to your band members, gathering you and Sugawara’s things as you walked him out of the room. 

“I want you to drive, because i’m drunk. Driving drunk is illegal and I could get in trouble.” Sugawara mumbled as he fished his keys out of his pocket. “And if you're ever drunk, i’ll drive you home. I wonder what kind of drunk you are. I hope you're cuddly....”He continued to talk to himself, mumbling about the legal drinking age and how much he enjoys your hugs. 

“Put on your coat for me and I'll drive.” 

He nodded, trading items with you.

You put the keys in your own pocket, laughing as he struggled with his insideout sleeve. “Here let me help you.” You pulled out the stuck fabric, freeing his arm from the blockage. You took each side of his coat zipper in your hands, guiding them together once he was inside of his coat properly. 

Reaching down, he tucked a strand of hair behind your ear. “You take such good care of me. I’m really lucky to have you.” 

You could feel your ears heating up, his gaze flustering you more by the minute. You zipped up his coat, giving it a pat once he was securely inside. “Come on handsome, I still have to get you home.” 

He nodded, taking your hand as you guided him down the hall and out of the venue. As you walked, a lone shoe came into view, wedged in the emergency exit door. 

“My shoe!” Sugawara shouted, pulling the shoe out from the door. He looked at it for a moment, happy to have it back in his life. “Can you hold it for me so I don’t lose it again?” He held out the shoe to you, looking at the other one still clutched in your hand. 

You gave him a soft nod, taking it from him and tucking it under your arm. You opened the door for him, watching him run over to his car. 

“I got this car two years ago from a really nice old lady. She said she couldn’t drive it because her back was bad. It made me sad...but now the car is mine.” He flashed you a bright smile as he attempted to wrap his arms around the body of the car. 

You unlocked the doors, chuckling as he jumped. 

He opened the drivers side door for you, helping you inside before stumbling to the passenger door. Once inside he clicked his seatbelt, the same soft smile still on his face as he watched you adjust your seat. 

“You know, your mine too.” He reached his hand out, running his fingers down the side of your jaw. “If I had to pick between my car and you. I would always pick you.” 

You took his hand in yours, leaning into the feeling of his warm palm. “And if you did, I would buy you a car so you could have both.” 

He gave you a pleased smile, watching as you backed out of the parking lot.

----

You pulled into Sugawara’s parking lot, the GPS flashing as it ended the route. 

“Let’s get you inside, what number is your apartment?” You were unbuckling your seatbelt when an arm reached across you. “What's wrong Koushi?” You gave him a confused look, your eyes squinting as you tried to make out his face in the dark. 

He leaned across the center counsel, his hands finding your face as he pulled you closer to him. His lips met yours, his kiss slow and rough. 

Your hands found his own, holding them against you as you leaned into him. 

He spread his fingers, letting you lace your with his own as he pulled away.

“Come here.” He sat back in his seat, patting his thigh. 

You opened your mouth to protest, but his hooded stare told you he wouldn’t listen even if you did. You reached for his hand again, using him as leverage as you climbed over the console and into his lap. 

“I should warn you now, I'm a needy drunk. And I haven’t kissed you enough today.” He gave you a faint smile, his eyes dark as he looked over your features. His hands unlaced from yours, reaching down to pull you closer. 

Resting your hands on his chest, you leaned in, hovering your lips over his own. 

“I want to take my time with you, take my time with us. But I can’t help but want to indulge in you a bit right now.” He whispered against your lips, each syllable he spoke grazing the soft skin of his own against yours. 

His cool fingers slid up your back, gliding up your spine as your shirt bunched around his arms. “Please tell me if you feel uncomfortable, because I won’t be able to stop if you don’t tell me to.”

You nodded, closing the gap between you. 

He smirked into the kiss, his grip on you tightening as his rational thoughts blurred over. The only thing he wanted, needed right now was to be as close to you as he could possibly be. The wanton need to have you was taking over every thought he had. 

He licked your bottom lip, the taste of pear sake mixed in with his own. He waited for you to part your lips, nibbling on them impatiently. 

You didn’t respond, too lost in his touch to think about your next move. 

He furrowed his brow, the need to taste you becoming too much for him. The warm pads of his fingers tingled, slipping under the band of your bra as he scratched up your back. You gasped from the contact, his opportunity had finally presented itself. 

He pressed his tongue against yours, hot and soft as your saliva melded. 

Your fingers twisted in his shirt, holding onto him as your body went numb. Your skin only recognising his touch. 

At one point, your brain had been working. Forming coherent thoughts, telling you to take things slow. But now you only thought of him. His smell, his taste, his touch. Going slow just wasn’t going to work. 

Sugawara moved from your lips to your jaw, trailing wet kisses down to the sensitive skin on your neck. He sucked small red spots down to your collar, his fingers pulling at your collar as he moved further down your chest. 

You ground down on his lap subconsciously, the need for friction bubbling up from the back of your mind. 

Sugawara let out a low moan from the pressure, pushing his nose into your neck. 

You froze in his arms at the sound, unaware something so sinful could come out of someone like him. 

Sugawara pulled away from you, crimson brushing his cheeks. He avoided your widened eyes, causing you to shift uncomfortably on top of him. 

“I want to keep going F/N, I really do. But this isn’t how I want it to go.” Sugawara looked at you finally, his heart dropping when he saw your dispirited look. “I just want it to be romantic, you deserve it to be romantic! Please don’t think I don’t want to, because I do. Ah, i’m drunk and this isn’t how tonight should have gone…” Sugawara frowned, leaning his head against your shoulder. 

“Koushi…”

He sat back up, giving you a worried look.

“Thank you.” You gave him a bright smile, your heart swelling. You would have been more than happy to be with him tonight. But the fact that he wanted to give you something better, something more intimate and loving made you cherish him even more. 

He loved you, and you really did feel it in everything he did. 

You savored the moment, looking at each other while. The heat of the moment dying down to a low smolder.

He brushed his fingertips over your collarbone, his love marks already forming. 

“We should get to bed. I have a busy day ahead of me.” You giggled, drawing his attention away from his thoughts. 

“Drive my car home, I can pick it up in the morning. I don’t want you walking alone so late at night.” 

You tried to protest but he put a finger to your lips, shushing you as he pulled his apartment key off his keyring. He helped you back into the driver's seat, buckling you in before he got out of the car. 

You rolled the window down as he walked around to your door. “Thank you for the taste.” he teased. 

Your breath hitched in your throat, your mind backtracking to the feeling of his lips on yours.

He let out a soft chuckle as he pinched your red cheeks. “Drive safe honey, please tell me when you get home.” The sober Koushi was slowly coming back, his mind finally able to focus on something less sinful. He pressed his lips to yours one last time, this time his touch was innocent and soft. 

He waved goodbye to you as you pulled out of the parking lot, waiting till you were out of his view to walk up the stairs to his apartment door. 

Once you got home you set his keys on the coffee table, falling onto the couch with a loud sigh. Your back heated up again, the ghost of his fingertips still lingering in your mind. “I should probably text him that I'm home.” You mumbled to yourself, pulling out your phone from your bag. 

You clicked the power button, noticing a message from a new number. You opened the message, your brows knitting together as you read it. 

“Sugawara told me you needed a fake boyfriend for the day and gave me your number for the details. What time do you need me to show up at the station tomorrow?” 

----

Previous Chapter - Next Chapter

----

[edendaphne]

“Discordant Sonata” Ch. 11

(Feat. beautiful artwork I commissioned from the amazing @corgi-likes-chat!) **Edit: I moved the image above the cut so it could be admired by everyone who scrolls by 😍

Time for some Ladynoir! :D

>Read it here on Ao3<

>Read it here on Wattpad<

CHAPTER 11: CAMBIARE

Music glossary:   Cambiare: a musical instruction indicating some kind of orchestral change, such as using a new instrument.

(Mood music: Love Like You (Piano cover) - Steven Universe)

Ladybug squirmed nervously on her own family room sofa, sitting face to face across from her very own parents. Her skin felt prickly and uncomfortable, and if she didn’t know better, she would’ve suspected Tikki of lacing her suit with itching powder as a prank.

The aforementioned husband and wife were none the wiser about her substantial anxiety, for they were far too shocked (as well as star-struck) about the sudden appearance of Paris’ beloved hero at their doorstep that morning. Their eyes were glued to her, following her hand as she raised a glass of orange juice to her mouth, as if it had never occurred to them that Ladybug would ever have to eat or drink. She would have found it hilarious if she wasn’t so utterly terrified about asking them to let Chat stay at their house until he was fully healed.

She’d shown up at their house an hour before the bakery opened, claiming that she’d seen Chat Noir’s signal on her communicator and had become worried; and that she was looking for him. They ushered her in and explained what had happened, and had quickly agreed when she asked them if they’d be willing to house him for a little while longer.

The superheroine took a long gulp to calm her nerves, then continued in her most professional voice, “Thank you for understanding. I’m ever so grateful that you’re willing to help us in these difficult times. If I were able to take Chat Noir into my own home, I most definitely would. But as it stands, our identities remaining a secret, even from each other, is of utmost importance.”

“Of course, Ladybug, we understand!” Sabine chirped emphatically. “We’re happy to help! Especially after all you do every day for our city; it’s the least we can do. Chat Noir is welcome to stay for as long as he’d like.”

“Thank you for entrusting us with this information,” Tom chimed in. “It’s good to know that he’s not under Hawkmoth’s control anymore.” He crossed his arms with a frown. “I just can’t believe that evil man would try to kill his own ally!”

“You and I both,” Ladybug replied, unable to conceal the sadness in her voice. “It seems Chat Noir was attempting to mediate peace between both sides; but as you can see, it backfired terribly.” She added sadly, “If only I’d known, I could have fought alongside him against Hawkmoth.”

The girl couldn’t suppress the heavy sigh that escaped her lips. She’d always tried to maintain an assertive, optimistic air about her while in the company of other people. But these weren’t just “other people”; they were her parents . Somehow, here, at this moment, with the people she was the most comfortable being vulnerable around, maintaining that composure was remarkably difficult. The emotional wounds were too fresh, the fear too overwhelming.

“Don’t blame yourself, Ladybug,” Sabine replied comfortingly, reaching forward and squeezing the hand on her lap. “You’re doing the best you can, but you can’t do everything . That’s why we want to help however we can.”

“Yes, you can count on us!” Tom exclaimed. “So, do you have a phone number or…? Is there a way for us to keep in touch with you?”

Ladybug brought out her yo-yo, opening it to show them her communicator. “Chat Noir and I can call each other from our weapons. They also serve as tracking devices between us. It’s how I found you today; I can follow his signal when he’s transformed.”

“Tracking signal?” Tom asked curiously. “Couldn’t you use it to find Hawkmoth?”

She shook her head. “It only works for miraculous holders who are allies. That’s why it works between me and Chat now… and why Hawkmoth can’t trace him anymore. He won’t be able to find him here.”

“I see,” Tom answered, pursing his lips into a thin line, brows furrowed in consternation.

Ladybug could tell that her father still seemed ill at ease about something, adding a bit of tension into the air. She brought the glass back to her lips and took her time sipping the juice, filling the silence until he could sort out what he wanted to say. The question hovered on his tongue, as if he was worried he’d offend her, but ultimately he couldn’t ignore his concern.

He rubbed the back of his head nervously when he finally spoke, “I’m sorry to ask this, but… Are you absolutely positive that Chat Noir is a good guy now? Do you truly, honestly know that he won’t betray you?”

A sliver of doubt briefly flashed inside Ladybug, its sharp thorns trying to worm their way inside her heart.

She mercilessly squashed that knot of apprehension in her chest, utterly furious at herself for allowing it to form in the first place. After all, Chat Noir was literally in the next room, recovering from his brush with death.

She chased the hated feeling away with all her memories of him, thinking about the way he made her feel; how protective she felt of him. During her daily life, her thoughts often drifted back to him, wondering if he was safe, wondering if he was happy. She thought back to how he had confided to her as Marinette just a few hours prior. She couldn’t allow any hesitation whatsoever to take hold; not after all they’d been through together so far. Despite their history, or maybe because of it, Chat had absolute faith in her; and she had to have the same amount of faith in him. She needed to believe that he was strong enough to overcome his past. That he wouldn’t allow himself to be manipulated by Hawkmoth once again.

Tom’s question was a reasonable one. Her father loved his family fiercely and would do absolutely anything to keep them safe. Last night had been evidence enough of that. However, she wasn’t sure if she could explain to her parents just how important Chat was to her, or how they were so intrinsically linked by fate. She yearned to be able to tell them more. After all, how could she possibly express that she was, and forever would be, connected to him?

She fixed Tom with a piercing gaze, voice laden with sincerity. “I trust Chat Noir with my life.”

Tom and Sabine looked at each other with matching smiles.

“Well, that’s good enough for me. Like my wife said, he can stay for as long as he wants.”

“We’re so happy that you finally have a partner,” Sabine said, reaching over and squeezing her hands again.

Ladybug smiled and squeezed back, letting out a small sigh of relief. “You’re both extremely generous. I really can’t thank you enough. I don’t think he has anywhere else to go. Not anywhere that would be safe for him, anyway. I’ll talk to him and see what he says. If he agrees to stay, I’ll be sure to visit from time to time to see how you’re all doing.”

“Sounds great,” Tom replied. “Let us know if there’s anything else you need.”

Ladybug eyed the guest bedroom door, pointing to it. “Actually, do you mind if I–”

Sabine nodded. “Please, go right ahead. We need to start getting everything ready for opening hours anyhow.”

“Thank you.”

They all rose and shook hands, with Sabine offering a motherly hug afterwards. The familiar, loving arms encircling Ladybug offered her more comfort than Sabine could possibly know. Making a mental note of doing something extra nice for them this week (she owed them big time), she made her way to the guest bedroom.

She had scarcely turned the door handle when she was knocked to the ground as the door swung open, a stupefied, rather ruffled (yet thankfully, fully clothed) Chat Noir inelegantly tumbling on top of her with a deadpan “OW.” He propped himself up on his arms, hovering above her, both of them wearing matching bewildered expressions, complete with dropped jaws.

“L-LADYBUG!! W-what a pleasant surprise!” he stuttered, face red, looking quite like a cat who’d been caught in the act of unfurling an entire toilet paper roll.

Her face paled. “Chat! Are you okay? Did that hurt?!”

He cracked an impish smile and replied with a playful chuckle, “You mean, when I fell from heaven?”

Quickly recovering from the abrupt non-greeting, Ladybug’s wide eyes narrowed and she quirked a teasing grin. “Why, Monsieur Noir, you couldn’t possibly have been eavesdropping, could you?” she teased.

“N-no, mademoiselle! Not me, not at all! Why would I do such a thing?” he forced an innocent laugh, which only succeeded in making him sound even more guilty.

“Sooo, you were just leaning on the door for no reason whatsoever?”

“T-that’s right, Milady! Nothing suspicious about that, of course!”

She made a brief hum, trying to conceal her amusement. “I must say, I’m not entirely convinced, Chaton.”

Chat pouted his lips. “You wound me, Bugaboo! I just happened to overhear that my favorite superhero had dropped by.”

She raised an eyebrow. “I believe I’m the only superhero you know, silly.”

“Well… you’re still my favorite,” he winked at her with a roguish look that caused her breath to catch, a rush of heat and color flooding to her cheeks.

A brief wheezing noise jolted them from their banter, and their heads whipped around to meet the Dupains’ flabbergasted stares, mouths hanging open like oven doors.

For a few awkward moments, the ticking of a wall clock was the only sound that resonated across the room, louder than Ladybug had ever heard it tick.

“UMMM, here,” Chat finally broke the silence, scrambling to stand up and offering his hand.

“Um… Thanks,” she replied.

A few more seconds ticked by, and Ladybug indistinctly wondered if this was what it felt like to be in a police lineup.

“SO! Uhh…” Tom began with a sputter.

“We’re just gonna–” Sabine muttered haltingly, pointing towards the living room exit.

“Yes!! Go right ahead! Please excuse us, THANKYOUFORYOURHOSPITALITY!!!” Ladybug cried, grabbing Chat by the bicep and practically dragging him into the guest bedroom, then closed the door behind them with a (louder than she intended) thunk.

(Mood music: I Was Lost Without You (piano version) - Mass Effect Soundtrack )

Ladybug leaned backwards onto the closed door with a mighty “PHEW!”, closing her eyes in thankful reprieve. The talk with her parents had gone much better than she’d anticipated, despite the ridiculous and abrupt parting. All that was left was to convince Chat to stay. Maybe he’d listen to Ladybug, since her words carried more authority than Marinette’s due to her status as a protector of the city.

“So, you found me,” Chat’s lilting voice brought her back into the moment. She opened her eyes and saw him across the room, arms crossed and leaning against the far wall. He wore his usual carefree smirk, but she noted his tensed shoulders and the position of the cape, purposely positioned to hide the bandages and bruises on his arm. Trying to downplay the severity of his injuries, she realized.

Ladybug put her hands behind her back and pursed her lips, replying impassively, “I did.”

Nervous butterflies filled her insides. Chat had told her as Marinette that he didn’t want Ladybug to find out he’d been hurt. Would he be upset that she’d shown up out of the blue? The thought of him not wanting to see her sent a cold, uncomfortable trickle down her spine. This wasn’t how she wanted their partnership to kick off. Instead of a joyous flurry of excitement and camaraderie, it had all turned somber and ominous, with the added burden of having to be even more cautious and alert than ever from now on.

UGH , this was so hard!! She hated that she couldn’t tell him her identity, or know his. It would make things so much simpler if there didn’t have to be any more secrets between them. Fu had explained why he shouldn’t know her identity; the risk of akumatization was still too great. But why shouldn’t she know his? Wouldn’t knowing who he was in real life make it easier for her to be able to look out for him? She made a mental note to visit Fu as soon as Chat recovered so they could discuss the matter further, along with the myriad of other questions about their current situation.

Putting those concerns on hold for a later date, Ladybug asked Chat hesitantly. “How are you feeling?”

Smiling wide, he replied, “Great! Fit as a fiddle, Bugaboo! Don’t you worry your gorgeous little head; I’m always ready and at your service.” As if to demonstrate, he stepped away from the wall, and bowed with a flourish.

“Is that right?” she asked, quirking an eyebrow.

“Of course! See for yourself.” He shifted his stance, suppressing a wince that she might’ve missed had she not been looking closely; and he stood hand on hip in the trademark cocky pose she’d seen countless times before, almost imperceptibly bearing most of his weight on one leg.

“Uh-huh…” she replied skeptically, eyeing him up and down. “So why are you walking with a limp?”

Chat’s face scrunched up like he’d sucked on a lemon. Shrugging, he fumbled out, “I– uh… stubbed my toe on the bedpost?” He pointed back towards the bed and gave her the phoniest, most ridiculous cheshire grin; and had it been any other occasion, she would’ve busted out laughing at his antics.

Instead, she frowned. “Chat…” she said with a disapproving tone and he winced in response.

She walked slowly towards him, stopping just past arm’s length.

“You know you can tell me anything. The most important part of being partners–of being friends – is trust and honesty.” She lifted her hand, placing it gently on top of his hidden arm. Her voice got softer, more solemn; she continued, “I’m sure you’ve had to hide a lot of things from Hawkmoth; out of fear. But you have nothing to fear from me. I promise.”

He looked away, expression changing completely, becoming downcast. Looking almost ashamed somehow, which made Ladybug’s heart ache. Chat slowly removed his cloak, revealing the heavily bandaged arm underneath, and set the garment down on the bed.

He bit his lower lip, absentmindedly rubbing his wounded arm. “How did you find out that I was… th-that I wasn’t okay?”

“I–” Ladybug’s gaze dropped, staring intently at the floor. “I don’t really know how to explain it, but… I could feel that something was wrong. Like an intuition, or a sixth sense. You and I are linked, and that connection is stronger now that we’re officially a team,” she explained. “I just couldn’t shake off that vibe, that feeling of wrongness. I had to look for you and see for myself. Your signal drew me here, and the Dupains explained everything.”

“I had no idea…” Chat said quietly, rubbing the back of his neck. “I’m really worried about Pl... my kwami. Plagg. He’s…” He cleared his throat; his hands fidgeted restlessly with the belt around his midsection. “I-I can’t detransform. I have no idea how long I’m gonna stay like this. Th-that’s never happened to me before. Keeping up the transformation is... i-it must really be taking its toll on Plagg and his powers.” He looked at her with eyes full of concern and fear. “I just… I don’t want anything bad to happen to him.” His eyebrows quirked upwards, as if daring to hope for answers. “Has… the Guardian ever mentioned something like this happening in the past? With other miraculous holders?”

She nodded. “I’m told that it’s a failsafe to protect the wielder. You’ll remain transformed until you’re fully healed.” She disliked having to omit so many of the details, like Fu’s involvement in this case and the special potion that he prepared for Plagg, but there was no way to share that without revealing her identity.

He breathed out a sigh of relief. “That’s really good to know. Thank you,” he uttered with a tiny smile.

Ladybug smiled back tenderly, noticing the way some of the tension left his shoulders, his posture relaxing somewhat. Chat’s concern for his kwami touched her, reminding her of her own relationship with Tikki. It made her feel better that they’d had each other throughout these horrible past few years.

“I’m really sorry I didn’t contact you. I didn’t want you to worry. You’ve already been through so much because of us– because of me. Yesterday I promised that I’d never give you any more trouble again.” He swallowed thickly, looking away, blinking rapidly as if trying to fend off tears that were threatening to form. “But I guess I can’t even do that right. I’m sorry.”

Chat’s entire person radiated shame and self-loathing. It was obvious that he placed her well-being above his own, both physical and emotional, as if his own was irrelevant or unimportant.

But how could he possibly be upset at himself for almost dying? Why in the world would he be apologizing and thinking that he was an inconvenience to her?! Was this something he had to do often back at home with his father?

Her mind stopped in its tracks. Her brows furrowed, realization dawning upon her like freezing rain.

She understood.

This was all he knew.

Apologizing was second nature to him. Apologizing for any actions that were perceived as mistakes. Apologizing for having opinions. Apologizing for having feelings. Years upon years of having to hide his inner self for fear of repercussion.

Chat having an opinion was of no matter to Hawkmoth. As far as he was concerned, Chat’s emotions were inconsequential, trivial at best.

And the worst part was: Chat had believed him. He’d had to ignore his thoughts and beliefs since who knows when, convinced that his feelings truly did not matter. She realized this now, and it hurt. The fact that he’d managed to avoid becoming a cold, cruel person in spite of this was astounding, to say the least.

When was the last time his emotional needs were met? Did he even know, or remember, what that was like?

Ladybug’s skin felt icy, yet her insides were scorching with fiery indignation. Towards Hawkmoth. Towards herself. Her heart squeezed painfully in her chest and she couldn’t contain herself anymore.

She cried, practically yelling, “NO, don’t you be sorry!!” She surged forward, crossing the remaining distance, her own eyes quickly becoming wet.

Chat’s confused gaze shot up to meet hers, eyes still glossy.

“This was all my fault! I shouldn’t have left you all alone after the akuma attack! It was.. UGH!! I was so stupid!!”

Ladybug crossed her arms tightly, curling in on herself, as if she was trying to become as small as she felt inside.

“I got so distracted by everything that had happened and didn’t even consider that you’d be in such danger. I should’ve met up with you later and figured something out, helped work out an escape plan, or something! I should have known!! I should’ve– AUGH!!” She covered her face with her hands with a choked sob, tears finally falling freely. “It was my fault that you got hurt! I’m the one who needs to apologize!!”

Chat paled, stiff as a board as he watched her crying, shaking form.

Hands shooting up to grasp her shoulders, he exclaimed in distress, “My Lady, no!! No, please don’t think that! There’s nothing for me to forgive! You had no way of knowing! Oh, please don’t cry, Bugaboo… Not for my sake. It wasn’t your fault. Never!”

He pulled her into his arms, both of them trembling slightly. He gingerly stroked the back of her head as she lay against him, sobbing quietly.

“Hawkmoth is to blame here, not you,” he cooed. “You’ve already done so much for me.”

“But I could have prevented this! I almost lost you!” she insisted, sniffling and hiccuping uncontrollably.

He squeezed her tightly. “Hey, I’m still here. It’s okay. It was a close call, but I’m alright now, I promise,” he reassured her. “There’s nothing you could’ve done to prevent it, believe me. He would have found me sooner or later; of that I’m sure.”

“I should’ve at least been there with you when you faced him,” she retorted.

She felt him shake his head. “I’m glad you weren’t. I couldn’t live with myself if anything had happened to you, too.”

“You… you don’t think we could have defeated him, together?” she asked hesitantly, looking up at him through a blurry lens of damp eyelashes.

“It’s hard to say.” Chat frowned, his view distant. “I found out that he’s done... something to augment the strength of his miraculous. Something risky and unnatural. I don’t know what or how. But it’s affecting him; him and his miraculous. He’s immensely powerful, but also incredibly unpredictable. Volatile. I think he’s losing control, not just of his powers, but of his own mind.”

Ladybug wasn’t sure how to respond to this revelation. An intense chill gripped her, clawing insistently from the back of her neck, and she couldn’t help but nuzzle closer against Chat’s warm chest, careful not to irritate the deep gash on his torso.

What could Hawkmoth have done to achieve such a feat? And why? A storm of questions inundated her brain, the sheer amount almost dizzying. There was so much uncertainty and danger in their future, and, truth be told, she wasn’t just scared; she was absolutely terrified. What could two not-quite-adults possibly do against this kind of a threat? She hadn’t felt this unsuited to bear the title of Ladybug since the day she first accepted the earrings.

As her tears slowed and her sight became less obscured, she froze as she caught sight of what was poking out from under Chat’s collar. Deep purple, almost black bruises around his neck, the passage of time having darkened them to their current sickly hue. She hadn’t noticed them last night, as he was so covered with blood, dirt, and scratches that one could scarcely tell one wound from another. And they certainly weren’t this color.

Her stomach twisted and her eyes widened in horror as she realized the implication of such an injury. How could that monster do such a thing to his own son?!?

She whimpered softly, trying to choke back another sob.

It wasn’t fair. It just wasn’t fair!!

Why should he have to suffer so much more than she ever had?? Or more than anyone else she knew, for that matter? How could the universe be so unjust, so incredibly cruel?!

Her eyes conjured up a new flood of tears, and she didn’t even register that she’d reached up to stroke the bruises on his neck, pulling down on his collar slightly so she could examine them; caressing them as though she could make them disappear if she only wished for it hard enough.

Chat gasped slightly at the contact, cheeks reddening at the intimacy of her touch. She could feel his chest rise and fall, his breathing shifting into a new rhythm.

She spoke, voice soft and airy, almost a whisper, her breath ghosting against his neck, “I wish I’d known it sooner; known what you’ve had to go through all these years.”

Chat smiled sadly, letting out a short, thoughtful noise. “To be honest, I’m not sure if I would’ve been ready to accept your help back then. I think I had to figure out for myself just how far my father had fallen. That we were chasing after something that wasn’t meant to be.”

Ladybug made a mental note to ask him about said objective some other time, when he wasn’t under such physical and mental stress. Surely the goal was something extremely significant for Chat to have blindly obeyed Hawkmoth for all these years. But what was it?

Ladybug pressed her lips together into a thin line. “I just… Hawkmoth needs to be stopped. I won’t let him hurt you again. I need to be better. I need to do more .”

“You’re already doing plenty, Buginette. And you’ve managed it all by yourself all these years; don’t sell yourself short,” he replied earnestly. “You’ve helped me so much already. Way more than I deserve.”

A sharp pang of sorrow struck her heart upon hearing him speak this way yet again. Before the night of their ballroom dance, she’d thought that Chat’s ostentatious bravado and cockiness were merely due to arrogance and egotism. It had made it easier to fight when she believed her enemy was just a rotten smart aleck.

But now she knew better; it had all been for show.

Did he have any other loved ones in his personal life? She really hoped so. Although, she suspected that if he did, his past actions would make him feel like that love was ill-deserved.

If only there was a way that she could help him realize how genuinely amazing he was. Just… how wonderful and unique and precious. This desire, this need to make him understand this, took root inside her heart, almost like a tangible weight that would refuse to go away until appeased.

Ladybug gently cupped Chat’s jaw and turned his head down to face hers. “Kitty… That isn’t true. You deserve so much more. You’re kind, selfless, and brave. I’ve never met anyone like you. Or anyone who’s overcome as much as you have. The only thing you don’t deserve is the horrific treatment you’ve suffered at the hands of that monster. Your worth is immeasurable, whether you realize it or not.” She paused, her eyes bored fiercely into his. “But I know it.”

Chat gaped at her, his face full of emotion. “Ladybug…” he murmured, voice rough and strained, as if he were trying to hold something back.

Ladybug stared into Chat’s impossibly green eyes, which were currently looking at her as if she was the dearest treasure he’d ever held. The chill down her spine changed into an almost overwhelming heat, and yet she couldn’t help but immerse herself in the fire of his gaze.

She stroked his cheek with her thumb, her brows turning upwards sorrowfully. “If only there was a way I could help make up for what you’ve lost. Some way to help the other ‘you’. The one behind the mask.” She sighed and whispered, “I wish I could tell you who I really am...”

Chat’s face reddened further and she felt him stiffen a bit. “I-I…” he trailed off, unsure of how to reply.

He swallowed thickly, and seeing the movement of his Adam’s apple was enough to make Ladybug become hyper-aware of how far she’d gotten into his personal space. She jolted upright, apprehension drenching her like a bucket of water, and her hand jerked back as if shocked by electricity. She winced, internally freaking out that her words and actions were unwelcome or too forward.

Why did I even bring up our identities?? God, I must be making him so uncomfortable!! Why do I always blurt out stuff like a total idiot when I’m with him?!

“S-sorry, I shouldn’t have–” she stuttered, looking away and wiping furiously at her tears. She started to step away from him, immediately missing the comfort of his broad, warm chest.

“Wait!” Chat interjected. He stopped her from pulling away fully, holding her hand and keeping her close, almost touching. He gently lifted her chin with his other hand, so she would meet his eyes again. She left out a soft gasp, her cheeks heating up under his intense gaze.

“My Lady…” he uttered longingly, voice low and thick with emotion.

Piercing emerald eyes held hers captive, so mesmerizing and beautiful that she wasn’t sure she’d be able to look away even if she desired to. It felt as though he was staring past the mask and straight through into her soul, able to understand it. Able to understand her.

He continued fervently, “I swear to you that as soon as you feel it’s safe to do so, I’ll be the first to reveal my identity to you. Just say the word. I trust you, one hundred percent.”

A pleasant wave of goosebumps covered her entire body, and she could only reply with a timid smile, a bright blush creeping on her cheeks yet again.

This wasn’t how she’d planned for their reunion to go. There’d been a lot more tears and a lot less professionalism than she’d expected. Regardless, they’d cleared the air and paved the way to move forward. Together.

Ladybug squeezed his forearm lightly, trying to blink away her remaining tears. “I’m sorry… I’m supposed to be the one comforting you, not the other way around.”

“Let me,” he replied, stroking her cheek softly and wiping the wet streaks. “And let yourself accept it. You’re incredibly strong, Buginette. Both physically and mentally. But you’re not invulnerable. And you’re overworking yourself. You didn’t get any time to recover from everything that happened to you yesterday. I want to take care of you, too. Just tell me what you need and I’ll do it, without question. Anything at all.”

The girl couldn’t help but blush at his honesty and forthrightness, almost too flustered to realize that he’d given her the perfect opportunity to ask for the thing that most heavily weighed on her mind at the moment. Almost.

Well… here goes.

Ladybug squeezed his hand tightly. “Chat… Will you stay? Here, with the Dupains?” she asked hopefully. “I just… I need to know you’ll be alright. Please?”

Upon hearing this, Chat visibly shrunk into himself a bit, brows turning upwards in concern. He replied nervously, “I-if that’s what you want. A-and as long as they’re really okay with it. Yes, I’ll do it. I can stay.”

She smiled broadly at him, elated to hear him agree. He was staying! He was going to be okay!! A healing wave of relief washed away the immense worry about his safety, and she felt significantly lighter. Practically throwing herself at him, she wrapped her arms around his neck and gave his cheek a long, loud smooch, eliciting a small gasp from him.

“That’s great!!” she cried happily, pulling him into a tight hug. “The Dupains will take good care of you, I promise! I’ve already talked to them about it. They’re willing to let you stay for as long as you need.”

He hugged back, albeit a bit flustered. “A-are you sure it’s alright? I’m just... scared of anything happening to them because of me.”

Ladybug pulled away enough to be able to look into his eyes. “I understand why you’d be worried, but believe me, everything will be fine. Hawkmoth would never think to look for you here. Taking care of your wellbeing is the priority, and they want to help us. They’re good people. It’ll be good for you to be around them. And…” She reached for his hand, squeezing it. “You’ll be safe. That’s what’s most important to me right now. You deserve to be able to sleep at night without being afraid.”

He looked upon her tenderly, gaze full of wonder and affection. He sighed and uttered, voice laden with awe, “You’re incredible… ” He cleared his throat, face turning bright pink, and stammered, “Th-that is… You’re all amazing. I’ll make sure to be the best houseguest ever.”

Ladybug giggled, her own cheeks flushed. “I don’t doubt it, Chaton,” she replied fondly, squeezing him back into the biggest hug she could manage. Chat’s arms wrapped around her waist in response, clinging onto her like a lifeline.

Ladybug sighed happily, and she heard, as well as felt, that same low, throaty purr she’d come to recognize immediately. She loved it.

It felt great to be able to rest easy knowing exactly where Chat was and that his life wasn’t in constant peril. Knowing that he was being cared for instead of being abused, or being forced to do something he didn’t want.

They stayed that way for a few minutes, just reveling in each others’ companionship. They’d earned this short reprieve.

But of course, as much as they’d both wanted it to, this moment couldn’t last forever.

Ladybug exhaled through her nose wearily, giving him one last squeeze. “I should go.”

Chat pulled away but still kept her close, standing almost chest to chest against each other. He gazed at her with eyes full of yearning and fascination.

“When can I see you again?” he asked softly. “I’d love to spend more time with you.”

Fire spread through Ladybug’s chest, quickly rushing to her face, and she had to fight the bout of speechlessness that threatened to overcome her. Her eyes dropped from his own like stones, only to land on his toned abdominals, which caused the burning to intensify. Again they fled, darting around, searching for something else to focus on, anything, until they finally settled on the hardwood floor.

Why was she reacting this way to what he said?! He just wanted to spend time together! That’s what friends do, right?! So why was she getting so hot and bothered over it??

Despite her brain temporarily short-circuiting, she miraculously managed to remember that Chat Noir was supposed to remain beside Tikki for the next two days, and should stay here at home.

She skittishly twiddled with the ends of her hair, stammering, “Oh! I- umm! My schedule? I-I have to– I need... school shopping! For school! ‘Cuz it starts next week! A-and, uh... You need to get in my bed. UM, I-I mean... I need to get in your bed. Wait, NO!!” she squawked, waving her hands around like a madwoman. “THAT IS, YOU NEED TO GET BACK IN BED!! T-to get some rest!!! S-so how about… Saturday?”

She facepalmed audibly. WOW, Marinette, just wow. Real smooth. First you amaze him with your incoherent blubbering and bawling, and get his shirt all wet. And now you astound him with your sterling display of eloquence. Great job making a good impression of a person who’s got all their crap together! UGH!

Was there any chance he wouldn’t notice if she spontaneously combusted? Why couldn’t one of her powers be for the earth to swallow her whole?! And why in the world was she acting this way with Chat Noir?! He was her partner! There was absolutely no reason for her to get so flustered!

Despite her less than sophisticated demeanor, Chat chuckled affectionately, bringing her out of her mental freakout. Smiling widely, he tilted her head upwards by the chin so their eyes would meet yet again. “Saturday sounds wonderful. I’ll look forward to it.”

“Y-yeah… Cool…” Ladybug breathed out dopily, struggling to remain upright despite her legs having suddenly turned to gelatin.

He gently tucked some stray hair behind her ear. “Thank you, by the way,” he murmured, “For looking out for me. For being so nice, for going out of your way to make sure I’ll be alright. Just… thank you. For everything.”

Chat’s eyes were soft and kind, yet intense and bold; they twinkled with a look she’d never received from anyone else before. It was new and exciting. Thrilling. Tempting. They captured her, like a snake charmer, drawing her near, and she couldn’t look away. And yet, here she was, wholeheartedly willing to become ensnared by them, inextricably drawn to his melody.

“Anytime,” she whispered breathlessly.

His hand made his way up from her jaw to cup her cheek, sending an intoxicating shiver down her entire body.

Faintly, she noticed the proximity of their faces… When she gotten so close? Her gaze flitted to his mouth all on its own, and everything else went out of focus. Chat seemed to notice her action, and he bit his lip slightly with a blush. Her hands trailed idly up to settle on his chest of their own accord, and she wondered if he could hear her own heart pounding. It didn’t seem to matter much right now. Nothing really did. Her whole world was the sound of his breathing, the curve of his smile, the feel of his hand on her skin.

Chat’s other hand settled on the small of her back, and he drew her towards him. He let out a shaky sigh, placing his forehead against hers, eyes squeezed shut, and swallowed hard.

He was hesitating. Was he afraid? Or… was he waiting for permission?

Her brain screamed at her to stop everything and analyze her thoughts before proceeding or making any decisions, while her heart urged her to stop overthinking everything and just do what felt right.

But was there even a “right” choice? Nothing about this moment felt wrong. In fact, she felt completely at ease. Although, to be fair, it was difficult to feel or discern anything outside of the whirlwind of butterflies currently swarming in her stomach.

Even though nothing had come of it, or might ever come of it, she was still in love with Adrien; of that, there was no doubt. So then, what was it that she was feeling right now, with Chat? She felt like she was being tugged in opposite directions, a cacophony of voices arguing and shouting, their words indecipherable.

While her heart and her mind were busy battling, however, her body moved on its own as if possessed, inching closer and closer towards the subject of the aforementioned internal conflict.

Her own arms snaked around Chat’s waist and his eyes flew open, accompanied by a deep blush that quickly colored his face and extended to the tips of his ears. His breath was shaky and a bit shallow, and she realized that he was having an internal debate of his own.

Did he want this? Did she want this? What even was “this”, anyway?? This whole situation was entirely new to her, and, so it appeared, seemed entirely new to him as well.

A thought occurred to her. It was so simple, but of course, it was anything but.

Why not just ask him?

After all, she had absolutely no clue what she was doing, and apparently he didn’t either, so neither had an advantage over the other. What did she have to lose?

Before she had a chance to ask, however, it was Chat who spoke first.

“My Lady… d-do you–”

A rattling door handle startled them apart, and just like that, the trance broke.

Sabine entered the room holding a small tray, but froze in her tracks upon seeing them. She let out a brief croak, but nothing else, as if her vocal chords had run away and left her behind. The couple stood there staring back, beet red with an exceedingly guilty look on their faces.

“MAMA–MA– MADAME!!” Ladybug yelped. “How nice to see you!”

“Oh, I-I’m so sorry!!” Sabine finally managed to stammer. “I didn’t mean to interrupt anything! We’ve got fresh baked cookies and they’re still warm, so I thought I’d–”

“COOKIES!! I love cookies!” Ladybug interrupted, clasping her hands together. She stood stiff like a telephone pole, as if anchoring her feet heavily onto the ground would prevent her from floating away due to the embarrassment of having been caught in such an intimate position with her formal mortal enemy. She squeaked, “What a great idea! We should go to the kissing– I MEAN, TO THE KITCHEN!!”

Chat fared no better at his attempt to appear innocent. His mouth was pursed into a crooked pout; his eyes darted around like a kid attempting to hide stolen candy behind his back.

Sabine quirked an eyebrow inquisitively, eyes darting between them both. She replied, “Alright. I’ll let you wrap up in here and meet you at the, ahem – the kitchen.”

(Mood music: La Veillée - Yann Tiersen)

Sabine closed the door behind her and Ladybug let out a long, pitiful whine, hiding her face behind her hands, hoping that somehow she’d find a portal to another dimension within.

Chat wrapped his arm around her shoulders and remarked with a snicker, “Don’t be so nervous, Bugaboo! You’re starting to sound a lot like my friend, Marinette.”

Ladybug’s head whipped up like a spring and she let out a shaky chortle, a too-wide smile plastered on her face. “HAH! That’s funny! HAHAAA!! The Dupains’ daughter!! Cute, isn’t she?”

GOD, WHY DID I SAY THAT?! WHAT IN THE WORLD IS WRONG WITH ME?!!

Chat chuckled in amusement. “She sure is. She’s a big sweetheart, but she can be a bit excitable.”

Ladybug groaned internally, feeling her eye twitch. Understatement of the century.

She cleared her throat in an effort to snap herself out of her stuttering stupor and get the thumping in her chest under control, before she did something stupid.

Not trusting her traitorous mouth to not embarrass her further, she simply took Chat’s hand and made her way out of the bedroom and towards the sweet embrace of crumbly, sugary, chocolatey goodness. The one thing that always stayed the same in her life, no matter how confusing everything else got.

“I wonder where she is, anyway,” Chat mused aloud. “I’d love for you to meet her. I think you two would get along really well!”

Ladybug almost tripped on thin air, but managed to continue her speed-walk to the kitchen while internally screaming.

From the living area, Tom overheard what Chat had said and replied, “Oh, that’s a great idea! I’ll go fetch her so she can say hello! Maybe we can even get a picture of you two!”

Ladybug suppressed a shriek and dropped Chat’s arm like a sack of potatoes and whipped around to respond. “OHHH, you know what?? I just realized that I’m late for a, uh– dentist appointment!! I’d better go! Sorry I won’t get to meet your daughter! Next time, definitely!”

She rushed over to quickly shake hands with Tom and Sabine, thanking them yet again, then ran back to where Chat stood perplexed.

“Feel free to call or message me anytime,” she said to him. “My kwami will let me know if you’re trying to get in contact with me.”

He grinned back widely and replied with a wink, “Can do. Goodbye for now, My Lady.” He took her hand and, with a slight bow, gave it a soft kiss. He gazed at her with the same look as before, back in the bedroom. A look full of fondness. Respect. And… something else; that other emotion she couldn’t quite identify. Could it be…?

No… There was no way. She was just flattering herself by even entertaining the thought. Chat was just… a very affectionate friend. Someone who didn’t receive a lot of physical closeness in his daily life. It shouldn’t be a surprise that he’d be so touchy-feely with her. There might be some mutual attraction, sure (something that she still needed to sort her feelings about). But to imagine anything more would be delusional.

Regardless, his boldness always managed to knock the air out of her lungs, and she couldn’t help but be rendered speechless.

All at once, however, Ladybug could feel her parents’ stares from the back of her head, which Chat most certainly had not noticed (or if he did, he didn’t seem to care).

Pretty certain that her body had abruptly burst into flames, Ladybug stepped away with an awkward giggle and a small wave. “See you Saturday! We’ll have fun and make out–I mean HANG OUT!! SORRY, I’MJUSTGONNAGONOW, BYE!!!” she screeched, practically running into the door in her haste.

“Wait! What about your cookies?” Sabine called.

Ladybug skidded to a halt, throwing her hands in the air. “R-right!!! ‘Cause I love cookies!” She sprinted back to the countertop to grab a small handful, then bolted back towards the door. Squawking one last garbled goodbye, she swung the door closed, albeit unsuccessfully, the latter bouncing off the doorframe from the excessive force. The remaining three listened to Ladybug clamber down the stairs and exit the building in a span of time that would ordinarily be considered impossible.

About sixty seconds later, a pajama-clad Marinette descended the stairs from her bedroom with a loud, theatrical yawn, stretching her arms above her head. She called out, “Good morning, everyone!”

Tom replied, “Hey sleepyhead! You won’t believe who just stopped by!”

Maintaining her ruse, she answered innocently, “Hmm? Was it Alya? It seems a bit too early for her.”

Sabine chimed in, “Oh sweetie, this was definitely the worst morning for you to sleep in! Ladybug was here! At our house! She left a minute ago; you just barely missed each other!”

Marinette gave out a dramatic gasp, bringing her hand to her mouth, accompanied by a loud groan. “Oh noooo~! I missed Ladybug?? Darn my luck! Oh well, maybe next time!” She promptly changed the subject, plucking a cookie from the tray on the kitchen counter. “Oh, yum! You made cookies!”

Tom scrunched his eyebrows. “Uh... Marinette, we always have cookies.”

She giggled nervously. “O-oh yeah! Definitely one of the best perks of living in a bakery, that’s for sure!” She shoved most of the cookie into her mouth, thus preventing herself from blurting out any further absurdities. If anyone happened to notice how shaky her fingers were as she munched on her pastry, nobody commented on it.

They sat around the table, eventually settling into comfortable chatter, and enjoyed a proper breakfast accompanied by a wide assortment of teas. Afterwards, it was time for Sabine and Tom to say their goodbyes and officially open the bakery for the day. Chat made good on his promise to Ladybug and cleaned up after the meal, tidying up the kitchen and doing the dishes, with Marinette offering a helping hand to keep him company.

Afterwards, Marinette moved to the sofa and motioned for Chat to follow. He grinned widely and eagerly complied. The couple made themselves comfortable and resumed their friendly conversation.

“So, Ladybug stopped by to see you, huh?” Marinette asked, immediately noticing the way Chat’s cheekbones turned pink upon mentioning her alter ego. “What did she say? Other than asking my parents to let you stay here for a while.”

“I– she, uh... She just wanted to say hi and see how I was doing, and, um…” he stammered. “Like you said, she asked your parents if it would be okay for me to lay low at your house for a little bit. Then she mentioned she had an appointment and had to leave.”

“And… that’s it?” she asked.

Chat turned bright red at this point, his eyes wide and hands tightly gripping his knees. “P-pretty much.”

Marinette laboriously suppressed a wry smile, but decided to let him off the hook and stop making him wriggle nervously with her secret teasing. “I’m glad you guys got to see each other. And I’m relieved that you decided to stay.”

He smiled shyly. “I’m a bit shocked at how generous you all are, to be honest. N-not that it surprises me that you guys are so nice, of course; I already knew that,” he clarified. “But it’s just… it’s a huge favor to ask from anybody. Especially for nothing in return. I’d still like to pay you back somehow, but I’m not entirely sure how to do that.”

Marinette reached over and squeezed his shoulder reassuringly. “It’s okay, Chat! You don’t have to do anything. Really! It’s just like a sleepover. Friends do sleepovers all the time!”

Chat twiddled his fingers nervously. “I, uh… I’ve actually never slept over at someone else’s house before. Not even Chlo– uh… not even my closest friends.”

Marinette made a small, thoughtful hum. “Well, thankfully we’ve got all day to prepare for the biggest, most amazing sleepover you could ever imagine! Starting with me kicking your butt in ‘Ultimate Mecha Strike 3’!”

Chat’s face lit up with an excited twinkle in his eyes and a mischievous smile that she couldn’t help but find utterly adorable. “Oh, we’ll see about that!”

They laughed freely and began setting up their game on the television.

As Marinette got the controllers out, Chat asked bashfully, “Umm, before we begin... do you happen to have any Camembert? For some reason, I’ve been craving it like crazy.”

Marinette raised an eyebrow. Camembert? That was… kind of an odd and rather specific request. Why Camembert, of all things?

Just then, a thought occurred to her. Since she was fairly certain that it wasn’t a pregnancy-related craving, she realized that that must be his kwami’s preferred food. Since Chat couldn’t detransform to feed him, the need for that extra energy must be manifesting itself through cravings.

Poor little guy is working so hard... He must be exhausted!

Making a mental note to stock up on all kinds of cheeses, she grinned at Chat with a cheeky wink.

“One cheese-fest, coming right up!”

[theautisticquillholder]

Murderous Love Chapter I

(WARNING: This fanfiction has themes of Suicidal Ideation, Suicide itself, Self harm, Sexual Assualt, Murder, Extreme Bullying and Humiliation and a lot of Mental Illness related content and is NOT appropriate for children and the faint of heart. If you are under 18 or may be triggered by the content of this fanfiction please do not read this.)

Mitsuhide’s POV

I was at school waiting for Motochika to arrive. I heard the main school bully Loki talking with his friend that he would normally bring with him to bully others Ares about me, I teared up thinking about what they could be saying.

I have recently been diagnosed with depression and bipolar disorder thanks to the trauma from the bullying and being sexually assaulted by a grown woman as a child. They’re probably planning on doing something to trigger me for their own entertainment.

Before they could walk to me to torment me Motochika, my best friend and crush had arrived and hugged me from behind.

“How was your weekend Mitsuhide?” he asked, I blushed saying.

“It was good, Gracia dragged me out for ice cream with her best friend Ranmaru since they couldn’t spend time with their partners as Koshosho was working and Nobunaga was away on a family camping trip. I wanted to stay home and read…”

Motochika laughed “Afterschool we had an appointment with a psychic medium. I want to know who I was in my previous life, and yes you’re coming with, I have a feeling that in our past lives we were either very close family or lovers and I want to know if that is the case.” He spoke.

I blushed saying “Is it a bad thing that I hope that it turns out that we were lovers in our past lives?”

Motochika laughed a bit but before he could say anything Ares punched Motochika while I was dragged away from him by Loki, I screamed out for Motochika or someone to help but everyone turned a blind eye and Ares restrained Motochika and he couldn’t get the male to let go, Loki called out.

“Bring the emo! He needs to watch!”

Ares Laughed and both myself and Motochika were dragged to a bathroom that no one would use anymore as it was believed to be haunted.

We saw Da Ji waiting in the bathroom smirking, I shivered with fear, scared that I’ll be forced to relive my past when an older woman sexually assaulted me.

Loki ordered Ares to tie Motochika to the post that holds the paper towel holder. Loki smirked holding up a key and asked Da Ji.

“Let me know if you need some privacy!”

Da Ji grabbed my arm before I could even get the chance to free Motochika so that he could run and get someone to help us. I tried to escape her grip, but I heard her say something and a door slam and lock.

Motochika and I was trapped with this senior.

Da Ji removed her clothes while I tried to free Motochika before she grabbed me and removed my clothes slapping me when I screamed. Motochika tried to break free from the restraints as Da Ji had her way with me. I was screaming for her to stop but it was no use.

It has been half an hour and Da Ji reached her climax. I was laying on the floor at this point, having lost the will to fight her off. I looked at Motochika who was crying as he tried to break free from the restraints.

Da Ji grabbed her phone and took a picture of me. I called out to her.

“Delete that.”

Da Ji jeered at me “Demand anything and you’ll be forced to go round two!”

I whimpered as she was typing on her phone after she was finished, she smirked.

“We’re going to stay here! You don’t get to go to class for the whole day!”

I cried, I crawled towards my pants grabbing my phone and sent a text to my sister Gracia asking her for help and it sent my exact location. Before Da Ji could notice that I was sending messages for help I hid my phone in my pant pockets.

I then crawled towards the sink basin to get a drink of water because I was thirsty, but Da Ji dragged me away from the basin. I cried “Please… I need a drink of water, I’m thirsty!”

Da Ji laughed before we heard the door unlock and Loki opening the door “Hey Da Ji, your friend Himiko wants to spend the day with you. Don’t worry about these freaks, you probably exhausted the living hell out of the man-whore and his best friend is tied up so they wouldn’t be thinking about escape any time soon.”

Da Ji left and the door was shut and locked. I instantly took this opportunity to break Motochika free from his restraints, when I managed to break Motochika free he hugged me tightly.

“I swear when I see those basterds they’re fucking dead!”

He then grabbed some toilet paper and got me to wipe myself he then had me wash myself then he helped me get dressed as I was still slightly weak from earlier.

When I was fully dressed, we sat in the corner of the room and Motochika cuddled me tightly.

Three hours passed and we heard the door unlocked. Motochika got ready to kill only to calm down when the person who entered the room was a locksmith, my sister Gracia, my favourite teacher Hades, and the principal Gaia.

Hades noticed what happened and looked at Motochika “hey, it’s okay, I won’t hurt you."

“I have little concern for myself, I’m more worried about Mitsuhide!” Motochika replied.

I held the tissue that I had to wipe myself with asking “is there any zip lock bags I can put this in. Also, you might want to call the police...”

Hades shook with rage. Not only was Hades a teacher but he was also the school chaplain.

He looked at Gaia saying “I want these two in my office without any interference from the other students. And I want the police called. I have suspicions that something has happened and whoever the fuck did this isn’t finished yet.”

Gaia nodded and took Gracia to her office. Probably to nominate her for the school bravery award for getting help for me while Hades lead me and Motochika to his office refusing to let anyone near us.

When we were in Hades office, he looked at me saying “are you able to go into the kitchen and make yourself a coffee? I’ll be asking Motochika what happened as I do not wish to traumatise you further than you already are.”

I nodded and went to the staff kitchen and made myself, Hades and Motochika a hot drink. I heard what Motochika said to Hades about what happened this morning and I could hear Hades typing away at his laptop.

When I came back with a tray holding the hot drinks, I set the drinks down and sat next to Motochika and hugged him tightly. I said, “I feel more fearless against the things that traumatise me when Motochika is here.”

Hades nodded and handed me Motochika’s statement that he had printed out asking me to confirm it. I read it and this was what was written.

‘This occurred about five minutes after I arrived at school at 8:45am and met up with Mitsuhide and we were talking about our plans for when the school day ends. Loki and Ares then attacked us, restrained the both of us and took us to the bathroom in which Hades, Principal Gaia and Mitsuhide’s sister Gracia found us in.

I was then tied to a pole that used to hold the paper towel dispenser by Ares before myself and Mitsuhide was locked into the bathroom with Da Ji, who proceeded to sexually assault Mitsuhide while I was forced to watch.

I tried to break free from the bonds that kept me tied to the pole while this was going on. Mitsuhide tried to fight Da Ji off and get her to stop as he didn’t give consent and it’s forcing him to relive a horrible memory of his childhood, but Da Ji kept going, when she was finished Mitsuhide had no energy left.

She took a photo of Mitsuhide nude and threatened to sexually assault him again if he demanded that she delete the photo.

Mitsuhide snuck a text to his sister calling for help before trying to get a drink of water. Da Ji dragged him away and laughed when Mitsuhide pleaded her to let him get a drink of water.

Loki unlocked the door only to get Da Ji out of there because her best friend Himiko wanted to spend the school day with Da Ji.

When there was no one near or in the room Mitsuhide used the last of his mental strength at the time to free me and I helped him get cleaned up before holding him tightly stating that I will have my revenge.’

I looked at Hades and handed the paper back saying, “That’s correct, I want to put my own statement in as well, that way if the police want a statement from me, you’re prepared.”

Hades nodded, opened a new word document on his laptop and I gave my statement, including the horrible things that Loki and Ares were saying about me.

When I was finished Hades Printed my statement out, got me and Motochika to sign our statements stating that what Hades has written on those documents were true and Hades hasn’t made us say anything and merely typed them up so that there is a paper trail for the police.

Motochika heard his phone, so he checked it. It was a message from Magoichi one of his friends, I peered at the message out of curiosity and shook with fear when I read the message that said.

‘Hey Motochika? Is the picture Da Ji posted on Instagram of Mitsuhide? I reported it just in case it is and took a screenshot of the post just in case you need it.’

Motochika called Magoichi and put him on video chat, Hades was a bit confused by this before Magoichi said.

“SOOO I was checking my Instagram and I saw a naked picture of a feminine looking guy with long black hair looking rather distressed posted by Da Ji, I took a screenshot of the post and reported it to Instagram, is the guy in the picture Mitsuhide!? If it, is I’m forwarding it to the fucking police!”

I curled into a ball after letting go of Motochika and cried Motochika looked at his phone saying, “I think the background noise coming from my end is the answer, can you please send me an email with that screenshot so I can print it and give it as evidence?”

Magoichi nodded “Sure! I just did as soon as you confirmed who it was. I can’t believe Da Ji would do that sort of shit!”

Motochika looked at Hades saying “Can I connect my phone to your printer and print out a screenshot one of my friends made of an Instagram post? I want Da Ji to be charged with child pornography, but I don’t want to put your job at risk.”

Hades nodded and Motochika printed the screenshot as well as a statement requesting that Magoichi is not to be charged as he was helping with the apprehension of the person who posted it. By the time we had all the paperwork and the tissue with mine and Da Ji’s DNA on it in a zip lock bag the police arrived and took them.

One of the male officers looked at me saying “I’ll protect you from those people who ask those horrible questions to try to indicate that you liked it.”

I looked at the officer smiling “Thank you.”

Motochika and I were then sent home. Motochika’s father wanted him to stay with me for as long as I needed and transferred some money to my father’s bank account so that my father can pay for the utilities and food that Motochika would use.

By the time we were home the psychic medium arrived at my house as well, myself, Motochika and the Psychic Medium went to my bedroom, and we began our appointment with them.

We did everything the Psychic Medium needed us to do in order to find out who we were in our past lives and then as if in a trance the psychic started writing something down.

I was curious but I had to stay calm while this was happening. It took the medium about an hour to finish writing and they gave us each a piece of paper detailing our past lives.

Motochika paid the money and the psychic medium left.

I looked at mine only to find that I was a castle maid to a Samurai Clan who fell in love with a Lady Samurai and had a lesbian relationship with said Samurai. I blushed before Motochika smirked.

“Turns out we were lovers in our past lives. You were the maid who wanted to become a medic for the soldiers while I was the Samurai who was going to be married off to the clan head’s son. And both the Samurai and the maiden were in love with each other.”

I hugged Motochika tightly “I’m so glad.”

I was madly in love with Motochika.

“I love you” I whispered, Motochika hugged back just as tightly saying.

“I love you too. I had developed feelings for you for a while. You’re a broken soul who needs someone to love them and fix them with gold to make the cracks stand out” I teared up as I heard this.

My father Mitsutsuna walked into my room and noticed us in the position we were in and awed at it.

“That’s adorable, Motochika, look after my son, my wife is very protective of him.” He spoke.

I was shocked as I looked at my father who said, “I would only not approve if I didn’t know the young man well enough, but since his father and I were high school friends, I have known him since he was born so I approve of your relationship with him.”

I blushed as my father left to make dinner. I looked at Motochika before hugging him feeling his warmth against my body.

[leelewishnd2c]

Product Shoot (Lost and Found)

Overview

For my product shot, I picked up some sugar cones at tesco which I felt blended well with the architecture of the location shot I’d selected, in this case it was the church which I had posted about prior. I’d set up in my usual product photography space by the window of my living room, setting up on the table and drawing the curtains. I would usually try to black out the room in this case but a small amount of natural light works as the steeple would be under the same conditions, being lit from all sides, even if just slightly. 

Equipment

My equipment for this shoot was as follows: 

Canon 6D MKII 

85mm Prime Lens

Godox Flash Trigger + Receiver 

Canon 430EXII

Tripod

Godox speedlight softbox + S clamp 

Lighting stand

Toilet Paper stand 

Sugar cones x2 (Broke the first by dropping it) 

A3 white card x3 

1.5x2m white/black backdrop

One table to set up on 

Set Up

As I briefly mentioned above, Here was my set up, I was interested in recreating this shot as accurate as possible so It could be placed onto the church with minimal effort. This included putting the cone in a position where I was looking up at it, so I created the perspective by placing it on a toilet roll holder, the white background and extra card allowing for the extra height. In addition to this, I took measures to keep the focal length the same, opting for the 85mm prime in this case. 

In addition to the perspective I wanted to match the lighting with the church steeple as much as possible, as the building itself didn’t have as much sunlight on it, the steeple did. With this in mind, I put the soft box at a 45 degree angle, feathering it a little so I would get more of a highlight wrapped round the edge.

Contact Sheet 

As you can see I’ve narrowed down the amount of shots taken and tried to focus on the quality, the selection process for these shoots were very easy as I was looking for a very tailored aesthetic. I wanted to have a small amount of light on the other side to separate it from the background, but have the majority of the left side in shadow, while the highlight came from the right side to match the direction of the sunlight. 

I also chose to use a softbox for this shoot rather than the hard light of the speedlight on it’s own, because although it was a clear day the sun was diffused by a minimal amount of clouds. 

I’ll briefly discuss my colour coding below: 

Red

This was due to the lighting simply not fitting, whether it was too bright or the highlights/shadows not being in the correct positions they didn’t make the cut. 

Amber

These shots were more like the stepping stones to where I actually wanted to be with the photos, they were changes made in perspective and lighting which led me onto the greens, but had something just a little wrong with them. 

Greens

These fit perfectly for what I was going for, perspective, lighting and all were great for the purpose I intended. 

[nakediconoclast]

Lists of things to have.

1. Shoe and boot laces – yes, you could use leather laces but why not stock some?

2. Fence posts – entirely too handy not just for fencing but for gardening

3. Barbed wire and chicken wire fencing

4. Cloth diapers – handy for so many things other than the obvious

5. Manual egg/batter beaters – whisks work, but the old-fashioned egg beater is hard to beat

6. Hoyle’s rule book for card games – lots and lots of entertainment in one simple book

7. Dice and dice games rulebooks – as above

8. Goggles – safety ones

9. A way to figure calendars into the future

10. Solar powered fencing – even if you don’t have livestock now, you may have it later. And it can be used as a “first line of defense” or used for parts for other uses

11. Canes – there will come a time when they are needed. Adjustable ones are better

12. Plant pots for starting seedlings. You’ll want various sizes

13. Metal rulers – because they last much longer. Different sizes

14. Rain gauge – for keeping track of rainfall

15. Barometer and something that tells you how to use it to get an idea of the weather

16. Candle molds and a double boiler for melting wax

17. Diaper pins – handy not only for the obvious but for securing lots of things

18. Kits to fix garden hoses – because you can stock 10 hoses but what happens when they break?

19. Cheesecloth – useful not just for cheese for all sorts of canning needs

20. Pea shellers, corn huskers, apple peelers and corers, etc. – all those “yankee tools” that our grandparents had but we no longer use.

21. Mimeograph machine and supplies – IF you can find one.

22. Chalk and blackboards. Blackboard paint isn’t a bad idea either

23. Goo remover aka Goo Gone

24. Eyeglass repair kits – they make handy little ones

25. Canoe – if you live near water or an inflatable raft if you’re not that close. If you get a canoe/raft, consider getting the big Duluth packs that outfitters use – they are waterproof (sorta) and good for packing

26. Oars/paddles – even if you don’t have one of the above, they can be handy for improvised rafts

27. Tire chains – if you live where it snows…

28. Swim goggles �� not so much for recreational swimming, but for any time you might need to go into the water for whatever reason

29. Life preservers – if you need them, you need them

30. Reflectors and reflective tape

31. Pregnancy kits – I never see this on prepping lists, but it seems so basic… you want to know if you are so you can make sure to eat right, etc.

32. Neck and ankle braces

33. Canning funnel and jar lifter – often listed, but cannot have enough of these, in metal

34. Pack saddle for horses/mules

35. Liquid Smoke flavoring – my spouse swears by this stuff for nice flavoring

36. Powdered lemon and lime juice – an excellent way to store Vitamin C

37. Songbooks and simple instruments – for entertainment

38. Powdered buttermilk – useful for cooking

39. ClearJel canning starch – for canning pie fillings

40. Pet veterinary supplies – basic wound care is a must

41. Bottle corks of various sizes – for when you lose that bottle lid

42. Room thermometers

43. Bags/cloth to use to bag flowers for seed pollination

44. Clothesline and wooden clothespins

45. Clothes baskets that are actual baskets – they last longer and can be repaired

46. An inflatable kiddie pool – thousands of uses (okay, maybe I exaggerate, but useful nevertheless)

47. Lighter flints for refillable lighters

48. Fountain pens, inkwells and powdered ink – those Bic pens you stockpiled will run out eventually

49. UV window film – to help keep houses cool

50. Mailboxes – metal for all sorts of caches and other storage uses

51. Small paintbrushes – handy for many many things besides just painting

52. Pet carriers – one for each pet

53. Canvas shopping bags – handy for so many things

54. Posthole digger, manual – but try to get all your fencing done before … these things SUCK to use

55. Stovetop waffle makers

56. Wind vane

57. Spare glass bottles of various sizes

58. Mop wringer

59. Manual juicers – glass or metal will hold up better than the cheap plastic ones

60. Measuring cups – metal with engraved markings. Painted on markings will disappear with time

61. Measuring spoons – metal with engraved markings. The commonly used plastic ones with painted on markings will break and fade

62. Jar openers – the type that lets you get leverage on the lid

63. Stovetop popcorn popper – ‘cuz if the SHTF and the grid goes down, so does the microwave popcorn you have in the pantry

64. Leather punch and knife

65. Disposable ear plugs

66. Mechanical pencils and spare pencil lead – see above about pens. Pencil lead takes up a lot less space than traditional pencils

67. Folding cloth camping chairs – entirely too useful and easy to store

68. Microscope and slides

69. Old time photographic equipment – could be a new business!

70. Manual typewriter

71. Paper cutter

72. Manual hair clippers – human and animal

73. Steam juicers – stovetop variety

74. Slingshot and ammo

75. Hard hats

76. Sewing measuring tapes

77. Velcro

78. Sewing patterns – better to have them now … especially easy to sew shirts/pants/coats/outerwear

79. Window insulation foam – for keeping warm

80. Disguised safes – the “fake book” kinds

81. Nicorette gum and quit smoking supplies

82. Tomato powder – another good way to store Vitamin C

83. Citric acid, pectin, alum and Pickle Crisp for canning

84. Straight or safety razor for male shaving

85. Rennet tablets for cheese-making

86. Veterinary wrap – useful for not just animals, but people too

87. Autoclave or something that functions like one

88. Dental mirror

89. Walkers and toilet risers for the elderly and don’t forget bedpans

90. Carry yokes – the old fashioned water carrying yokes

91. CLR cleaner – or other lime/deposit/etc remover

92. Locks – combination, keyed, and other types as needed

93. Moth balls, cedar balls, and smelling salts

94. China markers/grease pencils – these are great for marking containers with what is in them

95. Safety vests

96. Fly paper – stores decently and is really handy. Researching a way to make this stuff is also probably a good idea

97. Foam camping pads for under sleeping bags

98. Winter scarves, gloves, mittens – its easy to forget these when it’s not winter

99. Wind up clocks – how else are you going to keep time if the grid goes down?

100. Tow strap for vehicles

101. Black and brown paint – useful for camouflage, hiding things, and making makeshift showers plus a myriad of other uses.

101 things that you probably already own but will not want to overlook in a SHTF situation. Some of these things you may own, but may not be “longlasting” varieties – perhaps you want to invest in ones that will last when you next purchase them?

1. Hot pads – Replace any worn out or not very thick ones. Mitts are probably best

2. Matches -

3. Playing cards

4. Scissors – heavy duty ones that can be re-sharpened would be best

5. Sewing needles, thread, thimbles, and pins – never ever have too many of these

6. Pet leashes – get good quality leather leashes and collars – easier to repair

7. Pet bowls – metal ones will last longer

8. Shoe laces

9. Garden hoses – good quality ones are best

10. Garden trowels and hand shovels – again – high quality metal ones are best

11. Hand axe

12. Ratchet set

13. Allen wrench

14. Spools of twine

15. Cargo straps

16. Duct tape – obviously you can’t have too much of this!

17. Hammer – is yours in good shape?

18. Screwdrivers – did you buy a cheap set or good quality drop forged steel ones?

19. Flyswatters

20. Bottle openers – thick metal is best

21. Manual can openers – don’t go cheap with this

22. Dish clothes – heavy cloth that will last is best

23. Corkscrew

24. Brooms – are yours good quality straw or cheap plastic? Are they in good shape?

25. Straws – they make glass reusable straws, these would not be bad to have on hand

26. Ice chests

27. Kitchen timers

28. Rubber bands

29. Safety pins

30. Magnifying glasses

31. Mortar and pestle

32. Staples and stapler

33. Life preservers

34. Garden hose nozzles – brass will last longest

35. Fingernail brushes – sanitation will be important

36. Key chains

37. Hair rubber bands and barrettes

38. Erasers

39. Garden sprayer

40. Outdoor thermometers

41. Folding chairs

42. Hangers – wire will last a lot longer than plastic. Wood is also good

43. Ice scrapers

44. Wall hooks

45. Windshield wiper blades

46. Aluminum foil

47. Safety pins – heavy duty

48. Eyedroppers of various sizes

49. Bobby pins

50. Rulers – metal will last longest

51. Three-in-one oil

52. Cargo straps

53. Nails, screws, bolts – making these by hand is a royal pain in the posterior.

54. Wheelbarrow – get a good quality metal or heavy duty plastic one

55. Twist ties – those bread/package ties will be useful – store them, don’t throw them away

56. Plastic bags – bread, ziplock, etc.

57. Maps – road atlases, road maps, etc.

58. Cotton balls – make excellent tinder as well as a thousand and one uses around the house

59. Note pads

60. Indelible markers (i.e. Sharpies)

61. Mechanical pencils

62. Dental floss

63. Pitchers – metal preferred

64. Goo remover (Goo-be-gone)

65. Scouring pads

66. Flower pots – various sizes

67. Vegetable peeler

68. Newspaper, old – keeping at least a couple of weeks old ones won’t ever hurt

69. Insect repellant

70. Sunscreen and aloe gel for when the sunscreen doesn’t work

71. Spare buttons

72. Nail clippers – both human and pet

73. Candle holders – metal or glass ones will last longer than plastic

74. Baby supplies – bottles, blankets, clothes, etc. If you’re like me, you still have baby stuff tucked away in your storerooms – even if you don’t have a baby after SHTF, you can always trade the stuff…..

75. Bicycles – are yours all set for hard use?

76. Metal garbage cans

77. Binoculars

78. Cloth napkins

79. Paper clips – not only useful for their normal function, but handy for other uses

80. Cold and hot packs – those lovely rubber bags

81. Lip balm

82. Utility knives – the kind that take the disposable blades or razor blades

83. Extension cords – indoor and outdoor

84. Air mattresses or cots – chances are good you’re going to have guests – where are they going to sleep?

85. Bay leaves – not just a spice, but useful to repel insects

86. Cellophane tape dispenser and tape – get a heavy duty one

87. Paper bags and manila envelopes – handy for storing things

88. Rubber boots

89. Knitting needles – learn to knit! It’s a great survival skill

90. Toothpicks

91. Kitchen utensils – you want metal ones or wooden, not plastic.

92. Barometer

93. Duffle bags – waterproof and with shoulder straps are best

94. Spare pill bottles – keep old prescription bottles

95. Tabasco sauce – along with other such condiments

96. All those takeout condiment packets – make great barter items as well as being generally handy

97. Bag clips -

98. Solar calculators

99. Board games

100. Dust pans – metal will last longer

101. Carmex (or other medicated lip balm)

[thecolsielife]

Eco tips for the bathroom

I want to share a few tips with you on products that are more eco-friendly that I personally use in my bathroom. I firmly believe that if everyone made a few small changes then that would make a huge impact globally. As a person who previously lived off a single income on minimum wage, the cost of products has been a factor in my choice of products, however with the rising awareness of sustainability, options are becoming more purse friendly.

When buying there are a few things I look out for such as: -

Is the product tested on animals?

Is the packaging recyclable or made from recycled material?

Does the product use harsh chemicals?

Is it made in Britain?

Does it cost the earth? (pun intended)

Obviously everyone will have their own requirements of products they use and sadly quite often there is no 1 product that ticks all the boxes so then you must decide where to compromise. But remember, even doing a little is better than nothing because at the end of the day companies react to how customers spend there money. For example I remember years ago when shopping in supermarkets the eggs where mainly from caged hens, not good. Fast forward to now and the caged hen eggs are a tiny proportion of the display with free range taking up the majority of shelf space. That is all down to people like Jamie Oliver bringing the appalling conditions of caged hens to the mass public's attention, which led to a change in what eggs we buy. So this is proof that we as the customer have a lot more power than we sometimes realise.

So I have 6 products I wish to enlighten you about all of which do not cost the earth, in both sense of the word. First of all is the humble and recently high demand product of the loo roll! Most toilet roll companies now are FSC certified which means that the paper comes from wood that is responsibly managed, socially beneficial, environmentally conscious, and economically viable. Yay. However this brand takes it a step further. The Nicky brand of toilet roll, which is a budget item might I add, work directly with the Woodland Trust to plant native British woodland. How wonderful. Budget friendly, bum friendly and Earth friendly! What more could you want from a loo roll?

My second tip is something I stumbled upon on my Pinterest wonderings, an eco way to clean your bathroom and get it sparkling. It's so simple, all you have to do is mix equal parts washing up liquid with regular white vinegar and top up with water. Now ideally I would love to have a lovely glass spray bottle for the photo but I don't, however I did find an old plant spray bottle so I found a new purpose for it. Do be aware that your bathroom will smell a bit like a chippy for a wee while when you've used the solution, I quite like it even if it does make me peckish!

I have 2 solid bar soaps that I use, the first is a regular hand soap, the second is a solid shaving bar. The hand soap is from the Little Soap Company based in the North Cotswolds Hills. Their products are organic and 100% free from all the nasty things usually found in hand soap. The soap comes in a cute little cardboard box which is an added delight. I've used solid hand soap for a while now and I'm not going back. My hands smell wonderful and feel soft as silk, so why would I go back? Also if you follow them on Instagram you can see their office dog Henry make regular appearances!

The solid shaving bar was an experimental originally as one of my friends had been smugly telling me about her solid shampoo bar she was using. Well not one to be out eco-ed, I got googling, actually it was ebay but I don't think ebaying is a word yet! I found this cute company based in Yorkshire called the Cosy Cottage Soap Company. I have a soft spot for all things Yorkshire anyway as my Mum is from there and I have lived there too so this was ideal. They like the first producers source natural, sustainable ingredients. They use recyclable or compostable packaging too. I have found there is a wee trick to getting the most from the shaving bar which is to make a lather in your hands first and use that on your skin rather than rubbing the soap on your skin, simple because I found that way makes more lather and goes further too. Added benefit to using this soap is that it takes a lot less space in my already tiny bathroom but I don't get any skin irritation either, win win.

The last two items for this eco tip overload is a box of matches and a wooden soap dish holder. There isn't much to say about the soap dish holder, it's pretty self-explanatory, it holds the soap while looking rustic and pretty. This was another of my ebay finds so cheap as chips and also means you don't run the risk of the solid soap slipping around the sink like an eel. The matches was I think something I read in a magazine as one of those old wives tale things. So when it smells badly shall we say, in the bathroom, simply light a match and blow it out. This magically dispels any nasty smell that might try to linger. Both myself and Kilted Viking love the smell of a match and as an added insurance, I wave the match around the room just to be on the safe side.

That's all my wisdom for now. If you're still reading then well done and thank you for investing your time in this and I hope there's something you may adopt in your journey in taking baby steps to living a more sustainable life.

Chrissy

[ktstudyblr]

Evening study bugs!

Now that most kids are back at school (at least where I live), now is a good time to talk about revising content! As a freshly graduated eighteen-year-old, staying on top of content when I was at school was something that was imperative to staying afloat (especially doing as many content heavy subjects as I did). Whether you’re more visual or logistical in the way you learn, I’m sure there will be something for every type of student down below with my six tips to revising content.

One) Type to book revision! This method is a really good one to get into the habit of! I’m sure you’re all well aware of the rush of information being shovelled into your brains as you’re frantically taking down notes before the teacher changes the slide. As someone who loves having a tidy and clean workspace, I want my notes book to look the same as well. However, in class, you’re usually having to compromise the aesthetic value of notetaking for information to make sure you don’t miss out on anything (or vice versa)! So I like to use my computer or a spare book to messily write notes down in class to make sure I get all the information I need. This document or book does not exist to look pretty or make you feel inspired by its beautiful typography or its highlighted headings, but rather as a source of the information you learnt in class. The way I use this to revise is by retyping/rewriting these notes in a document/notebook at home where I have the time and energy to put effort into the aesthetics of my notetaking. When you’re retyping/rewriting notes from your class, you’re revisiting content that you earlier may have just had to briefly look over in order to not miss anything. Looking at a tidy and beautiful display of notes not only can help you visually learn a lot better, but it motivates you to keep learning. But just keep in mind that the appearance of notes does not equate to the quality of note taking and personally should not be valued over retaining information. Making pretty notes is fun but it can shift into procrastination if you let it overtake your ability to retain and revise the information!

Two) Cue cards and flash cards! All throughout high school, cue cards and flash cards were my absolute favourite form of revision! And many of you probably use it now as it’s such a popular way to test yourself and emulate the conditions of an exam or test. The difference I find between cue cards and flash cards is that cue cards provide the information in short summaries whilst flash cards prompt the information on one side, and show the answer on the other, hence testing you. Personally, I like to write down my content onto physical cue cards and test myself. That way, I’m also taking the time to revise the content when I’m writing them down onto the cards! If writing them down isn’t your thing (it can be pretty tedious, especially if there’s a lot of information!), there are plenty of online options to type your information out. Studyblue, Quizlet and making them yourself on Word or Pages are all great alternatives to writing down each bit of content! Before I move onto the next idea, I have two helpful tips in regards to cue/flashcards that may be beneficial when writing/typing them up. The first is to try and pace out your time between studying/homework so you can write up cue/flashcards throughout the year. Take it from me, it’s not a great idea to leave all the content to the last week to type up into cue card form. So, it’s a pretty good idea to gradually keep up with cue/flash card making throughout the year. Also, it’s always a wise idea to keep your cue/flash cards after a test/exam has been completed in case you need to revisit them later!

Three) Unusual reminders! Now this one probably isn’t quite as common or widely used, but it will help you remember information that you’re struggling to retain! I wouldn’t recommend using this tip for all of your information because it's rather suited for content that you’re repeatedly having trouble remembering. In the days or weeks leading up to a test or exam, it's a good idea to write down the content in short, summarised points on individual cards/paper and leave them in places/objects that you use regularly. For example, if you’re having trouble remembering a definition, you could write it down on a small piece of paper and tuck it into your shoes, socks, toothbrush holder, toilet door, wallet etc. Using this strategy will force your mind to view content more regularly (without staring at a book mindlessly) and it will often come to the natural conclusion of retaining that information out of the regularity of your habits!

Four) 5-minute rush! This next one is a good strategy you can do on your own, or with a study group! Create a few main topics that encompass all of the information you’ve learnt for a specific subject and give yourself 5 minutes to write down all of the information you can remember related to that topic on a piece of paper or a computer (but no cheating with notes because it defeats the purpose of the exercise!). After 5 minutes, it’s a good idea to compare and correct the information you wrote down to see the accuracy of your results. This is a good exercise to test your knowledge in time-sensitive conditions. However, if you don’t get all the information you aimed for, don’t be disheartened! Treat it as a learning opportunity to grow and learn more information!

Five) Glass and Mirror learning! This next one is fairly similar to tip three and four as it lends itself to some of the same approaches. However, I use this as a content revision technique because it requires a large surface for you to expand your ideas and knowledge on! What you’ll need for this strategy are some windows or mirrors (that aren’t super valuable, sentimental or dangerous for you to access!) and some window chalk! For those of you unaware of what window chalk is, it usually comes in marker-like tubes and will usually read something like ‘applicable to non-porous surfaces’ on the labelling. But again, probably just read the packaging for whether it is safe on your glass and mirror surface at home. I like using these markers on my long mirrors in my bedroom because they take up a large portion of my room and force me to read them. I find this as a good method a revising content because not only am I writing the information down (a great tool for revision), but I am placing that information in an area where I will regularly view it as opposed to a notebook where you can only view the information if you physically search it up. This strategy is great because the information is always at your disposal in plain sight for when you’re ready to do some light revision!

Six) Podcasts! I got this next tip off of one of my teachers when I was in year nine and it’s honestly a really good tip. At the end of each class when you get home at night, it’s a good idea to read over the notes you learnt in class today and record yourself reading it. Once you’ve done this, you can export it into an mp3 file and import it onto apps such as Spotify for your own personal listening! This is a really great method of revision when you’re in situations where it may not be ideal to whack out the books and start working. If you’re on the train or the bus to school, this is a really great way to revisit content learnt in the class prior so that you give yourself a mental refresher for the class ahead! It’s also a good way to get your mind focused for the day ahead (It’s okay, I sometimes have trouble getting my head into the working grind in the mornings too!) It’s a really great strategy all-round but you may just have to get over the obstacle of hearing your own voice in your ear whilst you get to school!

And that’s all for now folks! I hope you guys can perhaps find at least one thing useful in the above tips and that maybe you want to apply to your next study session! I understand not all of these tips will apply to everyone and that’s cool, but I find when studying something that’s not exactly stimulating, it’s nice to switch up your study method and shift your practice in accordance to the demands of what you are and/or having trouble with learning!

Sorry for the lack of upload as well guys! Just started University this week so uploads may be a tad sporadic from now on, but I’ve got some great ideas and posts coming out soon that have been planned for you all to look forward to!

kt xo

[suchalilyofthevalley]

Stealing this from @firstofall-howdareyou

1. When you were little, what did you think you’d be when you grew up? Did your reality (or your future plans) come close to that?

I ran through so many things when I was little. Fashion designer because of those Fashion Plates I had and was obsessed with (I can’t draw or cut a straight line btw), a teacher, a lawyer. It was when I was in freshman year of high school that I was introduced to marketing and PR. Fell head over heels in love and didn’t want to do anything else other than that. I have been plugging at it ever since. Ultimate goals have evolved over the years and still evolve to this day. I’m closer to it than I think I ever thought I’d be. I’ve worked on some stuff that I look back on and I still have to pinch myself but still have some brass ring type goals of things I’d like to accomplish/work on/work for.

2. Do you think of yourself as an urban, suburban, or rural person?

I grew up in suburbia, went to school in a city that was an interesting dichotomy that it definitely had its urban parts but also suburbia within the city limits. My campus straddled the urban and suburban. I’m back in the suburbs now, I think I’d like to give full city living a try but I don’t think I can part with the freedom it is to have a car.

3. Do you decorate with carefully matched pieces, or are you eclectic?

Right now it’s a bit of a mish-mosh since it’s me taking over the apartment after my mom died. When I finally get my own place after the world stops hemorrhaging badness around me, I’d like to have it curated but not overly matchy if that makes sense.

4. Are you the photographer of your group/family, or do you always want to be in the photos?

I am the photographer, I love snapping photos - it’s VERY RARE that I like having my photo taken (ask @whenidance - she will absolutely justify that hahaha)

5. Do your thoughts come to you in words (like conversations with yourself) or pictures (abstract, ideas, visions)?

It honestly depends - a lot of it is ideas, visions, photos, or like a mini clip/video if that makes sense?

6. Do you have changing weather seasons where you live or a relatively continuous climate? Do you wish you lived in the opposite?

Northeast of the US - we most definitely have four solid seasons. Part of me wishes I had more mild weather year-round, but there’s something special about that pretty snow in the winter (not blizzards lol)

7. When you don’t have obligations, what is your ideal, natural time to get up? To go to bed?

Ideally like to be up in bed between 11p-12a, out shortly thereafter; get up time will be somewhere between 7a-8a

8. Do you cook? Bake? Or do you prefer to have someone else to that?

I do both! I enjoy them each in their own rights but baking a little bit more. Fun fact - I grew up underfoot in a bakery. My grandfather owned/ran an Italian bakery and I ran amok there until he retired when I was about 6-7 years old. Most of what I bake are versions of his recipes that I have from the bakery. 

9. Which way do you put your toilet paper? Up and over so it hangs in front? Or dangling below? Does it bother you if it’s done the other way?

Right now it’s neither because I have one of those vertical toilet paper holder rods. I’m kind of a fan of up and over - that’s how I have the paper towels in the kitchen on that holder. 

10. If you had a lot of money, what would be the first selfish, frivolous thing you would do with it? (Not for other people, not for practical purposes, but fun and just because you want to.)

A vintage Gucci Positano Tote has been something I’ve eyed for ages - and Mom loved classic Gucci accessories, I think it’d be that for both frivolity and sentimentality.

Tagging: @suzteel // @fallinallincurls // @sinplisticshawn // @smallerinfinities and anyone else who wants to jump in - this was a fun, different one and I’ve been tagging too many of y’all so...

[theglowworm2008]

57 Facts Tag

I was tagged by @alienshootlove (I hope I can think of that many facts about myself. Lol.) Thank you for tagging me. :D

Rules: Post 57 facts about yourself and tag at least ten people. When posting include the tag “57 facts” in order for people to find out more about you and perhaps find a kindred spirit to talk to. :)

1.) I just turned 30 years old.

2.) I’m a mother of four, three boys and a girl, all under the age of ten.

3.) I’ve never been married and I’m not sure if I’m ever going to.

4.) I have a serious distrust complex about people, but I act really nice anyway.

5.) I curse like a sailor as much as possible when my kids are finally out of ear shot. Lol. I miss swearing so fucking much!

6.) My favorite food is sushi (Mostly because it’s expensive and I can’t have it all the time) and Chipolte rice bowls. 

7.) When I can drink, I always go for a dark beer. I love it! I can’t deal with fruity, girly drinks.. like, at all.

8.) I have a fiance who I love/hate all the time. Secretly, though? I love that we argue as much as we get along. Arguing is honesty, and honesty is HUGE for me.

9.) I lost my virginity at 16. And duuuuuude... guys take forever to get good at sex. I didn’t get an orgasm from a guy until... I don’t know.. my early twenties? Lol. Just a note, watching porn doth not a sex god make, mkay?

10.) I’ve always had guy friends; I was into video games and playing sports and girls my age were into... not that stuff. Plus.. girls are fucking mean, lol. 

11.) My best friends are also family members. I don’t really trust people and I just never clicked with anyone that way. My two best guy friends growing up.. one turned into a douche drug addict that was in and out of jail and the other, his wife was the jealous type and so we stopped talking. And then having kids.. well, you pretty much lose any friendships you have that existed once you have kids. 

12.) I have too many favorite books, lol, but one series that I’ll never get bored rereading is The Sevenwaters Trilogy by Juliet Marillier. 

13.) Growing up, I never lived in any home longer than a couple of years. Now, I hate sitting still too long. I don’t know if I’ll ever buy a house.

14.) I have never stuck myself into anything for long. As a kid, I tried out a lot of the stereotypes. Music, I have songs I like out of all of them. Religion, I like hearing all kinds of ideas and theories, but don’t like being stuck in one. Etc, etc.

15.) I’m insecure about myself (But who the hell isn’t, honestly?)

16.) My fiance calls me “The Ball Buster” because I am sarcastic and playfully fling insults at him when his ego gets too big for my liking. Lol. He says it’s how he fell for me. <3

17.) I used to be a correctional officer and I liked it, but kids and that profession really don’t go together. All U.S. jobs are insanely unsupportive of family vs jobs. 

18.) I got pregnant at 19 and, having no resources, I had to give up on college. 

19.) I still struggle with “what will I be when I grow up”. 

20.) I have been homeless once and I never want to go through it again. I am, now, obsessively on top of my bills as a result.

21.) My name is Bryanna.

22.) I can type without looking at the keyboard since my grandma wouldn’t let me touch a computer for any reason other than to play keyboard learning games. 

23.) My favorite video games will always be Zelda related, but I’m also into things like Dragon Age, Mass Effect, KOTOR, Horizon Zero Dawn, Super Mario, etc. When I was younger, I was really into Final Fantasy and Legend of Dragoon and .. god.. so many others. Most of my games had like.. four game discs. Lol. 

24.) I am an insane coffee addict. Seriously, I will get huge migraines and throw up when I go a day without it. Even when we’re broke, I will scrounge for loose change to keep myself stocked. Haha. 

25.) If I’m honest, I’m afraid of the dark.

26.) I’m also afraid of mirrors, especially in the dark.

27.) Because of those things alone, I avoid all horror movies. I just can’t even...

28.) I love Cheese-Its.

29.) I am deathly afraid of Spiders and bees/wasps/hornets.

30.) In fact, I hate most bugs.

31.) I was the type of kid who grew up with iguanas.

32.) I’ve literally beat boys up for trying to harm animals. Idgaf! 

33.) I feel trapped in my life sometimes, as a mother and as a girlfriend. I wish I had more time for myself to just be Bryanna. Hense, this Simblr obsession! Lol.

34.) Although I’ve played Sims forever, this is the first time I’ve ever made stories with my sims and shared them. It’s made the game so much more fun. 

35.) I hate being picked up or tickled.

36.) I love fall and, of course, all the pumpkin flavored shit!

37.) I really hate feet.

38.) I have never slept naked... ever. 

39.) I really want to have a career involved in computers.. one that I don’t have to deal with people in that.. fake friendly way.

40.) My father died when I was 15.

41.) My mother has struggled with chronic pain for most of my life; it’s made things kind of hard in ways I’m still trying to understand.

42.) When I was younger, I did nothing but write stories and draw. I don’t do as much of either anymore.

43.) I have freckles everywhere and I love them.

44.) I hate that I have brown eyes.

45.) I never put the toilet paper roll on the holder. Ever.

46.) I have a small dog named Atlas. She’s more like a cat than a dog, though. And a total brat.

47.) I can deal with all kinds of stuff; blood, poop, pee, etc. But I HATE throw up. Ugh..

48.) I am honest to the point of almost ruining my life. Lol.

49.) Unpopular opinion; I am not a fan of Apple products.

50.) I have never been outside of my country. Traveling is something I’m going to do as soon as my kids are old enough to live on their own.

51.) I love to sing; I used to be good enough to be in choir and get paid to do Christmas carols... but lack of use has kind of killed my voice. Lol.

52.) I think farting is freaking gross. Lol. And rude. Do it somewhere else! 

53.) My nick name ‘glow worm’ comes from the fact that I’m so white I “glow in the dark”. Me keeping it was a big middle finger to those that made it. Idgaf! Lol.

54.) I hate cake; I prefer ice cream cake on my birthday, with whipped topping.

55.) I am really blunt; sometimes I can hurt people’s feelings.

56.) When I’m sad, I will turn on Christmas music (Any time of the year) and sing along. I freaking love Christmas!

57.) I used to live in Florida; I moved to the top of the U.S. and now I can safely admit that snow is only good until Christmas is done, then it needs to fuck off! All the good it does, at that point, is keep all the bugs dead.

I tag: @mellocakes, @jupidella, @tigerellasims, @sparkiemonkey, @elliesimsx, @all-harlows-eve, @okruee, @oakella, @oakglow, @aharris00britney, @hiddenspringss

[mundaneapocalypse]

Even though we have not finished the cabin, we have made a little progress—mainly the ventilation and the foundation.

Mark is not comfortable with electricity and it frustrates him, but he tries to do it by himself and when it makes him cry, we hire Miguel to fix everything. Miguel is not comfortable with log cabins and they work together. You have not lived until you have seen a native Spanish speaker and a native Latvian speaker carry out a conversation in English about electricity, which the Spanish speaker knows about, and log cabins, which the Latvian speaker knows about. Some of it probably wasn’t English, Spanish, or Latvian.

Last spring, we installed the ventilation. We procrastinated on the ventilation because it intimidated Mark, and I was not even going to attempt it by myself because it would be worse of a disaster if I tried. I helped them, though.

We had to cut holes in the log cabin walls and once you cut a hole in a log cabin and change your mind, you have to replace the log, which is like playing Jenga with a chainsaw.

Mark had a feeling if we did not install the vents before we did anything else, we would have to rip things apart to install them later because our cabin was rotting and growing black mold, and he is a little concerned that he waited a year for it. Whenever we tried to make time for it sooner, he could not, and it is one of the things he needs to work on uninterrupted for hours.

Our roof ridge has box vents, and Mark wants to add wind turbines. Box vents are holes in the roof that are allowed to be there. The wind turbine would move from the wind blowing, so it does not need electricity. This kind is different from the ones on our roof that supply electricity.

Each room or main room zone (kitchen, stairwell, main room) has two fans on the exterior walls. One fan sucks air into the room and one fan sucks air out. To prevent pollen or pollutants from leaving or entering, both fans can have filters. We have to clean them regularly to prevent fires, but we don’t mind. Each room has its own system, meaning the fans are not connected to each other. Mostly, we need them to control humidity.

We don’t like how the vents look, but they are necessary. I spray painted the vents before we installed them.

However, the major problem with the ventilation was power—we needed enough electricity to use the ventilation, crock pot, phones, laptops, and charge batteries on the same day. Angelica and Madison lived with us then, and Mark and I bought Madison a laptop and other things she needed to study. The ventilation, Madison, and the crockpot still hold power strip priority.

After adding one new solar panel a month, we have enough power to run the ventilation, laptops, and crockpot, and charge batteries and phones and the like, if we do not use things like mixers and drills. Mark still woodworks to sell the items and to give away and we plan our power usage so he always has a full battery. If he has a commission, Madison is the only other one who can use a power strip. Always, I avoid using the electric kitchen gadgets, and if the battery-powered toys run out, Marmalade has to buy replacement batteries with her allowance. Mark and I thought we would have limited power, at least at first, and I had the important ones in my hope chest, like a coffee grinder, egg beater, and mechanical timer.

We do not want the solar panels on top of the roof permanently, but will leave them there for now. Also, we do not have space for more on the house and have begun using the privy and barn roofs, other places we do not want them permanently. It works well enough.

Mark and I tried to install the solar panels by ourselves, but we could not do it well, and we hired a guy to do it and he taught us how to do it. We still hire him because he needs the work, but he lets us help.

We did not install it by ourselves, but we got a home security system, a fire alarm and a carbon monoxide detector that notifies the fire department, and a flood detector. With those things, it seems like if people do not have it, they regret it, and we try to learn from mistakes made by other people. The one we have been looking at includes a motion detector and we want the motion detector at the barn. It is something we could theoretically do by ourselves, but it seems safer to use a company.

The home security guy looked at us like we were crazy when we said we wanted the security camera pointed at the chicken coop. That was literally the only reason we got a security camera.

Mark wanted to put the sign in the yard and I said he could, but as long as we were being sign people, I wanted one that said something like, “And until the police get here, we have guns, and bullets are much faster than the police or you.” We looked at different signs and Mark was concerned criminals would not understand them, and he carved one on our porch that says, “This house is protected by the good Lord and a Gun. You might meet both if you enter unwelcome.” Right by the welcome mat in the Hufflepuff colors that says, “Wizards welcome. Muggles tolerated.” We don’t have anything worth stealing, but the burglar might not know that. Mark also made a sign saying, “If you are looking for the log cabin, this is the place” and it has our address.

We really, really wanted indoor plumbing, but got the home security, fire, and flood stuff instead because we are adults. None of them are exciting, but Mark purifies and disposes of the water and cleans the bathroom and privy, Marmalade does the dishes, and I do the laundry. We spend quite a bit of time lugging water and most of the time, we don’t mind, but indoor plumbing would be a huge convenience. We are lucky, though—no walking for miles to get water, we don’t worry about droughts, we don’t have cholera or Ebola here, etc.

We have a landline because the emergency services can track it. It is difficult to find our house sometimes and if a kid has to call 911 because an adult can’t, we want to make it as easy for them as possible.

We have not done other wiring, but we have the places marked. We do not have finished walls yet and it seems like a bad idea to have a lot of wires unless they will be promptly covered up.

Mark built a shelf in the loft for the non-child-friendly liquids (like bleach), flammable liquids, and solar panel batteries and made sure there was a spot for the water heater and water filter when we get them.

He built a cupboard under the stairs, where I store cleaning things, laundry things, and my household binders. He does not know if it will fit under the stairs, but for now, it works well. The real one will have space for sewing, knitting, and crocheting supplies. Right now, I needed somewhere to keep them away from the kids.

For the kitchen, Mark built me a pie safe, and I keep eggs, butter, sourdough starter, bread, other baked things (biscuits, pies, cookies, etc.), seasoning, maple syrup, honey, molasses, peanut butter, and opened sauerkraut, pickles, and jam, potatoes, sweet potatoes, and the produce for the day in it. Grandma says if the pickles are submerged in brine and the jam has sugar, it will probably be fine. We have such a limited fat supply we hardly ever have a full jar. I made some fabric bags, like grocery bag holders, for garlic and onions, since they should be kept at room temperature and in a dark place. We were having trouble finding a place for winter squash, and I tried a willow basket and hated it. It didn’t work without the squash squashing each other or having to be tumbled around and bruised while I look for the right kind. Mark made a stand specifically designed to accommodate pumpkins, Hubbard squash, turban squash, spaghetti squash, and butternut squash. It is based on vegetable bins. Instead of being stacked, they are side-by-side and wide enough to two rows of Hubbard squash, long enough to stack one Hubbard squash on its side, and short enough for me to reach in comfortably, and it stores enough for a month. They schnuck right in. He made sure the pie safe and the squasher were topple-proof because along with the risk somebody would topple it accidentally, Lad and Lassie stand up by pulling on things. (They aren’t allowed to crawl around the kitchen, but Lad is sneaky.)

A couple months ago, we improvised a half bathroom. It has a composting toilet, a bucket of whatever we are using to soak up the sewage, a basin, a bottle of soap, a hand towel, a flashlight, a trash can, a bucket to empty the basin, a bucket to fill it up again for the next person, a stack of toilet paper and feminine hygiene items, and a sign with instructions. When people come over (especially kids), we put a towel over the toilet paper and feminine hygiene items. Most of Marmalade’s friends probably don’t know about periods yet and we don’t want the moms to have surprise questions.

The bathroom floor is not finished and neither are the walls, but it has a window, and we have a towel hung over the window with command hooks. Most importantly, we do not have to go outside to use the privy and Marmalade does not have to wake up an adult to take her after dark.

When we finish the real floor, we will include pipes, but we might not get a toilet and sink, or a kitchen sink. It would be a pain to add after we finish the floors. We have adapted to life without plumbing fine, but sometimes it would be nice to have it.

Mark built a temporary flight of steps into the cabin and he wants to build a porch.

Outside, we dug French drains around the cabin and they drain into a barrel so we can water our garden with the water.

We have been clearing plants around our house until it is bare dirt, which doesn’t look very nice and we might pave over it or cover it with gravel or something. We do not live in an area prone to wildfires, but if our cabin catches fire, we do not want it to spread to the rest of the property.

Bugs have been waging a guerilla war against us and Mark sprays for bugs and fills in any gaps in the logs. He installed a bug guard between the foundation and the first logs.

They might think mud chinking is the same as their natural habitat, and sometimes the mud chinking is drafty, too. If I mop, sometimes it washes away the chinking, and if the rain blows against the cabin for long enough, it washes off. Once it rained and overnight the temperature dropped to about ten degrees and when it melted the next day, the chinking turned back into mud. Maybe our technique is bad, but redoing it is a hassle, and we haven’t figured out what we are doing wrong. Appalachian log cabins were chinked with mud before people invented caulk. Unfortunately, we don’t have anybody to ask if the chinking regularly wore away easily—we might be doing it right and don’t know. I asked my great-aunt if she knew anybody and she said, “Didn’t the Waverleys when I was a girl—No, Irene Waverley is dead.” She said she would ask around the nursing home.

We scrubbed out the chinking, replaced it with weather stripping, and caulked it with a caulk that comes out textured and a color similar to the cabin. We chose grey because our logs have been turning grey, which is fine. If we wanted a different color, we would have used other kinds of logs.