#they all fit perfectly fine last june

[wastedonthesebutterflies]

Fuck!!!!!

[itsfairly]

Saying Out Loud // Nanami Kento x gn!reader

word count: 1.5k

cw: none.

notes: HAPPY PRIDE YALL! i normally post once a month, but lets pretend last post was the make-up for may and this one is june's. either way, fits the month, right?

liked this? show it with a like, reblog, and/or comment. each is greatly appreciated and celebrated!

"I'm bisexual," you said with a small crack towards the end of your words.

your eyes were constantly shifting between his, searching for any reaction or response from Kento as your fingers fidgeted with each other in an effort to calm your nerves.

it was so uncomfortable, so tense, so terrifying. you know this stuff is told at the beginning of a relationship, not months into it, but things with Kento were going so well. you've never felt so calm around someone, so loved in the most simple yet concrete ways, that a relationship could be so easy and rewarding as this one with him. you wanted to hold on to this stage, this moment where things flowed perfectly and the world seemed to say yes, these two are meant for each other. that's why you took so long to tell him.

after all, how many people treated you differently after they learned this about you?

sorry, its just that i dont want to date someone who will make me look over my shoulder to see if they are being faithful.

what? so you're just gonna leave me when you want to date a man or something?

does that mean we can have a threesome?

its was as if there mere mention of your bisexuality was a burden to them or some sort of fetish. it was exhausting and no matter how much you tried to be fine with it, you weren't.

it wasnt like you didnt trust Kento, he had been nothing but respectful to you and such a gentleman. but god, did those relationships screw up your confidence in this area...you thought you could keep this to yourself, but then again, he deserved to know before things went any further, to walk out if this wasn't what he hoped. you would get it even if it was unfair.

with every second his eyes looked into yours, taking in your words with that stoic expression of his that you could barely read at the moment, the fear was growing in your chest. It kept expanding until it reached your lungs and had to take deep breaths to appear calm about this when you were scared shitless. what would he say? why was he taking so long? he wants to break up, doesn't he? of course, he-

"what made you want to tell me now?" Kento asked, his voice calm as ever as if he was asking where you wanted to have lunch, making you wonder if he was even understanding the severity of your words.

"we've been dating for months now, exclusively even, and you deserved to know before things got serious," you said, feeling your heart race with every word you said. hell, you wondered how you managed to speak so clearly with these many thoughts in your head.

"but are you telling me because you want to or because you felt like you have to?" Kento asked, resting his elbows on his knees as he looked at you with furrowed eyebrows, his eyes showing this concern.

that made you blink a few times. this wasn't the kind of reaction you usually received. you were bracing yourself to hear any apprehension, maybe for him to reject or twist your words, but not to see him worried for you like this.

"i told you, we have been dating for a few months and it would be fair if i kept this from you-"

"but its not fair to force yourself either." Kento interrupted you, his words having this firm yet soft tone to them.

his hands reached out to one of yours, covering it completely in his hold. a steady hold opposite to the fidgeting of your fingers, but in his hands, your hand had no choice but to relax.

"you look so stiff you might break, try and take a breath," he adds, his head tilting to the side as his expression softened.

you do just that, mirroring Kento as he also took a deep breath to encourage you to do the same, and while it did help with the nerves, it didn't relieve your confusion. he wasn't saying much on your coming out, he hadn't say a single word about it yet.

"i wanted—want to tell you because i don't want you to find out later on after investing so much in me and just...you don't need to waste your time if someone like me isn't what you were looking for," you explained.

of course you wanted to tell him, but it didn't took away how scary coming out is, especially when the person you're coming out to is so special and you want them in your life regardless. you didn't want to lose him, but you also didn't want to deceive him like this. maybe you did had to push yourself to say it, not wanting to ruin things so quickly, but you couldn't wait any longer.

Kento sighs, making your heart stop for a second. Was he disappointed? Infuriated? Angry?

But when you heard his words as he squeezed your hand, you were surprised to learn how far off you were...

"i must be awful at making it clear that you're exactly who I'm looking for."

suddenly, its as if your heart gains this new energy, beating and beating as if you just ran a marathon. your mouth feels dry as youfeel your brows knitting together, feeling as if this conversation was bringing more surprises to you than to him.

"you don't care that i'm bi?" you asked quietly, your hand squeezing his back in hopes you didn't hear him wrong.

Kento shakes his head, "i do, but not in the way you think," he says, a shadow of a smile coming to the corner of his lip as he scoots closer to you. His eyes look at yours, silently asking if that was okay. You nod.

"i care, not because it annoys me—i would be an asshole if that were the case—, but because i'm learning about you. The you that you feel most authentic to. While i am happy that you are opening up to me about something so important to you, i wished you would feel more comfortable telling me about it because you were ready, not because you felt pressured to. i'm sorry if i made you feel that."

you didnt know what it was at this point, whether it was the adrenaline or sweetness of the moment, but you knew Kento was the reason with all these words he was saying. he wasn't anything like anyone you'd dated before, he was being so sweet and just a dream. you never thought your chest could swell with this feeling while coming out to someone. it felt...easy.

you quickly shake your head, your turn to scoot over to him with your knees bumping against his. "no, no! you didn't pressure me in any way, Kento. its just that i know how much of a dealbreaker this is to some and i..." you took in a deep breath, feeling your throat hitch with this lump, "god, you have no idea how relieving it is to hear that."

you didn't wait a second longer before you wrapped you arms around his neck, pulling him into a hug as you rested your forehead in his shoulder. you felt his arms wrapped around you in return, pulling you closer to his body as his hand caressed your back in soothing circles that made your heart calm down.

"someone like you is special," Kento says softly, his breath tickling your ear, "you're choosing me over anyone else, and i feel so honored that you are with me."

you laughed softly, pulling your head back from his shoulder and looking at him with a huge grin. god, he made this so, so easy.

"kento, you have no idea what this means to me. No idea how easy it is to feel lucky right now." You said quietly, taking a deep breath before resting your forehead against his, "thank you, just thank you."

Kento hums, his hand coming up to your scalp to stroke your hair gently. hearing all your words and seeing all the emotions you wore on your sleeve made him realize how big of a step this was for you, how heavy of a topic this was on you. it didn't take a genius to know that this reaction from you meant that this situation didn't went as well in the past with other people, which made his heart hurt for you. Sweet you who thought about him first before herself when this wasn't about him.

more than ever, Kento would make sure that you felt comfortable in your skin and secure in your relationship. you deserved nothing less than that and you were worth investing in as you said in your own words, though he would much rather call it loving you. it sounded more accurate to what he wanted to do.

"you know, now i have to put more effort into our relationship," Kento said softly, a hint of playfulness in his voice, "after all, I'm showing you off to double the people, aren't i?"

[uraichievents]

Monday, June 26th, 2023 - Sunday, July 2nd, 2023

~

General Info

What is UraIchi Week?

It’s a week-long fanworks event to promote the Urahara Kisuke x Kurosaki Ichigo ship. There’s no sign-up, it’s just for fun, and everybody can participate. Completed works and wips are both acceptable, and any type of fanwork (fanfic, fanart, gifsets, etc.) is welcome. NSFW and/or potentially trigger-y content is allowed, although please remember to tag your works properly.

The ship itself can be written romantically or platonically so long as it stars these two characters together in some way. Poly ships are also fine so long as Ichigo and Kisuke are still the focus of the fanwork. And crossovers and fusions are also allowed even if it isn’t one of the given prompts for the event. Basically, anything goes, and the only criteria is that it has to be UraIchi-centric.

Posting:

For those of you with Tumblr, you can tag your stuff with #UraIchi Week 2023 in the first five tags of your post. I’ll be tracking that tag so I’ll see it and reblog it to this blog. (If it’s been a few days since you posted and I still haven’t reblogged it, something probably went wrong, Tumblr’s not always reliable, so just shoot me an ask about it and I’ll reblog it.)

For those of you with AO3, I will create a collection a day or two before the event starts, and you’ll be able to add your work to the collection when you post. (I’ll toss up a notice for everyone once the collection is up.)

And of course we have our Discord server (link is on the sidebar) so if you want to come and talk about what you’re working on or you just want to chat, feel free to join us there!

At this point, the UraIchi Server has definitely gotten a lot bigger than just UraIchi, but we do still have channels dedicated to UraIchi events.

~ Themes

The votes are in and tallied so here are the results that everyone’s been waiting for! It’s your choice whether or not you want to make a fanwork that includes all the themes of that day, or a fanwork for each theme, or a fanwork for just one. You can make something for each day of the week or just one or two days. And if your fanwork doesn’t fit any of the themes, there’s a Creator’s Choice option on the last day so feel free to bring your own ideas to this event. All prompts can be interpreted any way you want as well, it’s entirely up to you, any extra bits I’ve added is just to help get those inspiration bunnies hopping.

An extra note about the sentence prompts: feel free to change the tenses and pronouns as it suits you. If you’re inspired by a sentence prompt, then of course you should include it in your fic (as opposed to the quote prompts which are just inspiration in a general-theme-of-your-work sort of way), but if you need to change the tense from present to past, or if you’re doing a genderbend fic and need to change the pronoun, that’s perfectly fine.

And now here are the prompts:

June 26th, 2023 - Day 1: the passage of time is a game-changer, for better or for worse

Time Travel AU / Dimension Travel AU

"At this point, I've died so many times, once more isn't going to make a difference."

Post-Canon AU

"This isn't your responsibility." / "It isn't yours either."

June 27th, 2023 - Day 2: o if only the dead could speak— you would hear the stories they could tell, of the terrible things we did for love

Loyalty Kink

"Him or the world? That's easy."

Oaths / Vows

"Everything I've ever let go of has claw marks on it." - David Foster Wallace, Infinite Jest

June 28th, 2023 - Day 3: is there really so great a difference, between man and martyr and monster?

vs. Gotei 13 AU

"You could at least keep your pet killer on a leash."

Mafia AU

"Has anyone ever told you how beautiful you look when considering violence?" - Terry Pratchett, Going Postal

June 29th, 2023 - Day 4: i was never human to begin with (you made sure of that)

Feral

Eldritch/Horror/Supernatural Elements AU

Binding Contracts

"Is it better to out-monster the monster or to be quietly devoured?" - Friedrich Nietzsche

June 30th, 2023 - Day 5: our love was forged across battlefields (we fought for every bit of it, every single day)

Soulmates AU

"I want you to stay. Am I still not being clear enough?"

Arranged Marriage AU

"We accept the love we think we deserve." - Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower

July 1st, 2023 - Day 6: redemption or destruction— which one will you be to me?

Touch-Starved Character(s)

"I've forgotten how to be kind."

Mask

"I desire the things that will destroy me in the end." - Sylvia Plath, The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath

July 2nd, 2023 - Day 7:

Creator’s Choice!

[subtle-as-an-earthquake]

phew, ok gonna just ramble for a minute! for the last couple of days i've been getting so caught up in my milex feelings and the letdown after the anticipation that i almost forgot to be properly excited for this trip 🙈 but now that i'm actually in dublin, after listening to arctic monkeys and miles tunes on the flight and getting hyped about seeing my one of my best irl friends from london again for the first time since june, it's much easier for me to put things in perspective, thank goodness!! i'd have kicked myself later if i spent my time here moping (which i've kind of been doing these past two days) instead of being excited about getting to see my all time favourite band play again (twice!!) AND with miles as well, and just have a fun trip with my friends in dublin (even though it'll be raining cats and dogs, but we'll be in the pub most of the time anyway 🍻)

after the london gig in june i really thought that was it for a couple of years, so to have been given this extra opportunity to see them again so soon is insane and an absolute blessing. i'm SO fucking excited, i can't even tell you 😭 these will be my 8th and 9th arctic monkeys gigs to date, and i'm still just as hyped as i was 10 years ago, and i think that's worth reflecting on for a minute ❤️

i'm putting some more musings about the milex situation under the cut for anyone who might be interested in a different perspective, but mostly it's just for me, to be able to untangle the mess that my mind has been in these past few days. also, please know that i'm definitely not trying to invalidate anyone's concerns or diminish anyone's feelings, because lord knows i've been feeling all the things the past few days and all those feelings are very (very) real!

i guess what i just keep coming back to is the fact that arctic monkeys (or alex, really, lbr) asked miles to be the support for these four dates when they absolutely didn't have to do that, and that if there was any bad blood between them then they totally could've asked anyone else. but they didn't, they asked miles! and miles agreed! it's much more likely that the fact that they're not playing together is due to logistics (with the orchestra and limited rehearsal time) and wanting to highlight miles's new album than any personal reasons tbh. they're professionals doing their jobs first and foremost, and while obviously we'd love a display of sentimentality, if that doesn't fit the show for whatever reason then it makes sense they don't give us that. i'm sure it's all been discussed and agreed on between them, and that they're doing perfectly fine behind the scenes. it's true that miles shows us a lot of himself, but alex and the other boys do not, so it also makes sense to me that what miles shares about them/their interactions with him is limited too, much as i'd love to see him gush about them and post bts footage. i always find that i get easily swept up in emotions and conjecture when i'm watching things unfold from a distance, through the tumblr/fandom lens, but i forget sometimes that that is a heavily coloured lens, and that real life is often very different, despite what social media etc. may seem to show. and for me personally, i've noticed that sometimes it's really good to break out of the bubble for a bit and see things from a different perspective, so i'm glad i was able to do that before my shows!

also, on a side note, i've seen some people being disappointed that alex didn't dedicate bodypaint to miles but just gave him a shoutout, but to me the distinction doesn't matter too much. he mentioned miles when he didn't have to, and miles stayed to watch the boys do their thing after his own set, and he didn't have to do that either if he wasn't feeling it. the fact is that recently there have been more and more signs that our boys are actually growing closer again than they seemingly have been for a few years, and while obviously i just want them to give us everything and announce a tlsp reunion and also profess their undying love for each other while they're at it, maybe their doing what they can right now, and they just need a bit more time to get to where they once were. we all need time to heal, or something like that, anyway. i obviously don't know anything, but this possiblity seems just as if not more likely to me than the other option (which would be that any of this is a sign they're growing further apart, instead), so i'm good with that for the moment.

anyway, this is just me talking to myself on the plane and creating some perspective for myself, but maybe someone else might find it helpful too, who knows. in any case, i'm going to do my best to enjoy it all to the fullest!! and while obviously getting to see them do something together would be brilliant, it would just be the cherry on an otherwise already really fucking delicious cake ❤️

[seattle-to-san-diego]

Mon, June 17

Goodbye San Diego. Goodbye CA. Goodbye west coast. The trip was full of more joy and connection than we could have ever hoped for. Hugs to all of our family and friends who touched us along the way. MWAH until we see each other again. In the meantime, we have some mighty fine wine to toast the memories.

Last hurrah. We decided we hadn’t gotten our full of Mexican food. Ortega’s on University Ave in San Diego major fit the bill. Happy hour hibiscus mezcal margaritas, table side guac and perfectly flavored enchiladas with mole sauce. Big time cheers!

We absolutely loved the bonsai garden at the Safari Park.

California Juniper that’s 300 - 400 years old!

[koolkat9]

Fruk Week 2023 - Day 2

@aphfrukweek

Prompt: Omg they were roommates || There was only one bed

Rating: T

Pairing: Fruk

Word Count: 1166

Read on AO3

Author’s Note: I almost forgot this event week was happening in June that I am very unprepared. So my fics will be late and I’ll probably get to 2-3 prompts. Sorry...

Arthur should have known it was too good to be true. A two-bedroom apartment, right near the university for dirt cheap? There had to be a catch. But as two broke university students fresh out of high school, Arthur and Francis couldn’t complain. At least it wasn’t infested with anything. A little run-down but livable…well for the most part. But that second “bedroom” was more like a closet.

“One of us will have to take the couch,” Francis suggested, “You’re thinner, you do it.”

“Wha–I– No!” Arthur sputtered, “You’d fit perfectly fine on the couch.”

“Oui, but you would have more room than me and thus would be more comfortable.”

Francis made a move towards the bedroom, but Arthur jumped on their back before they got too far. “Unfair. At least challenge me to Rock, Paper, Scissors or something.”

“Still such a child,” Francis tisked, “Fine. Rock, Paper, Scissors it is.”

After only two rounds, Arthur was deemed the loser. Arthur trudged into the closet bedroom to store his personal items. He could perhaps fit a small blowup mattress or something. But it would be tight, and currently, Arthur didn’t have a job for extra expenses like that.

So for the next few nights, Arthur sucked it up and slept on their lumpy couch. It was so old that there was barely a cushion left, all flattened over years of use. Manageable for sitting, but not for sleeping. He was lucky if he got eight hours combined over those three days.

Francis watched as Arthur dozed off at the dinner table, head in his hand, eyes drooping, only to splinter open a few seconds later. Francis figured the couch wouldn’t be the most comfortable, but he never realized just how hard it would be for Arthur to sleep on it. They didn’t have money for a new one, but he couldn’t let Arthur go on with this.

“How about we share the bed,” they offered, “There is more than enough room.”

Arthur jerked upward, suddenly much more awake. “As if I’d share a bed with you slimy frog.”

Francis just sighed and collected the dirty dishes. There was no talking to Arthur when he was like this. “Fine, enjoy another restless night then.”

Arthur gave him the silent treatment for the rest of the night. Arms crossed, curled up on one side of the couch. When would he realize that such childish means of “punishment” stopped being effective halfway through high school? He actually enjoyed the silence for once.

But as midnight crept closer, Francis finally decided to turn in. “The offer still stands,” they singsonged as they made their way towards the bedroom.

Arthur just grumbled and pulled his blanket over himself.

Hours went by, all spent tossing and turning and punching his pillow. Arthur flipped onto his back, staring up at the ceiling. He couldn’t go on with it. Swallowing his pride and grabbing his pillow, he waddled into Francis’s room like some child. Not wanting to disturb him, Arthur carefully gets into bed only to come face to face with an awake Francis. Arthur jumped.

“I-I didn’t mean to wake you,” Arthur said softly.

“I know. I had a feeling you’d be crawling in here eventually.”

“Shut up.”

“Remember the last time we shared a bed like this?” Francis asked.

Arthur rolled his eyes. Of course, he had to bring those nights up. When they were sixteen, how they’d experiment. Lips and fingers trailing over each other’s skin curiously. The gasps, the moans, the sounds neither of them even knew they could make. But it had been just that. Experimenting. They never confessed, never held hands at school or kissed in the corner, never called each other ‘boyfriend.’

“I’d always wake up with you cuddled up to me,” Francis went on, “Wonder if I’ll wake up tomorrow like that? You wrapped around me as if I were your teddy bear.”

“Fuck off.”

“I always found it cute though. Finally relaxed, and I could admire you without your verbal attacks.”

“Let me sleep,” Arthur growled, burying his face into his pillow.

“Aww come now Arthur, I’m just reminiscing.” Francis scooted closer, arm draping across Arthur’s waist. Arthur froze.

“I loved being able to hold you back then,” Francis murmured against Arthur’s ear.

“Francis…”

“Back then I just wanted any excuse to touch you, to hold you like a lover. But you always seemed so mad at me unless we were doing our ‘exploring’ so I never pressed for more.”

“Why are you telling me this now?” Arthur whispered, barely audible.

“Because having you here right now, I can’t hide it anymore…And until further notice, it looks like we’ll be sharing a bed so…”

Arthur remained quiet. He could barely get a breath out let alone a word with Francis holding him so tenderly.

“Can I kiss you? All of you?”

“Trying to get in my pants Bonnefoy,” Arthur scoffed, “I expected a bit more charm when it came to that.”

“I’m serious Arthur. I just want to kiss you…” Francis’s hand brushed Arthur’s cheek. “Your freckled face.” Then to his lips. “You’re pouty lips.” Then his neck. Arthur shivered. “Your ever so sensitive neck. But nothing more. At least not tonight.”

Arthur took a shaky breath. “Okay…”

He squeezed his eyes shut, heart hammering as Francis laid him on his back.

“Don’t look so scared mon lapin. I’m not going to hurt you.”

Arthur’s eyes fluttered open to stare up at Francis. He searched for those blue eyes that always seemed to reassure him even when they claimed to be the greatest of enemies. But in the darkness, he could barely make them out.

“Just relax,” Francis said softly, inches away from Arthur’s lips. But it wasn’t until Francis’s lips met his that Arthur finally melted into the mattress. He pressed back, timidly, exploring the more gentle intimacy. In all their experimenting, it had never felt like this. His arms wrapped around Francis’s neck, pulling him closer.

Lips trailed down from the corner of Arthur’s mouth to his jaw, to his neck. Arthur’s eyes fluttered closed, feeling the little sparks wherever Francis touched. Just as Francis had promised, he kept the kisses innocent. Light and sweet butterfly kisses to every inch of exposed skin that Arthur’s flannel pajamas allowed.

Francis finished with Arthur’s hand, cradling it and kissing it like a prince. Arthur’s face was flushed, and he snatched his hand away. “I-I’m tired,” he tried to grumble, but it only came out uncertain.

“Okay…Can I at least hold you?”

“Yeah…I’d like that.”

Francis cuddled up against Arthur’s back, arm once again resting along his waist. They pressed their nose into the crook of Arthur’s neck, giving it a few more kisses.

“It’s time to sleep, remember?” Arthur teased, pressing back into Francis’s hold.

“Okay, okay. I’m sleeping, my eyes are closed.”

Arthur couldn’t help but chuckle. He nuzzled his pillow before finally settling down for a much-needed rest, warm and…safe in Francis’s embrace.

[kylesvariouslistsandstuff]

I have jumbled thoughts on WISH looking to fall short of industry projections, its low CinemaScore grade, its low chances at scoring a great multiplier that helps it climb, and Disney's overall bad film year - on their centennial no less.

The success of GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY VOL. 3, the excellent legs ELEMENTAL scored after such a poor opening weekend, and how well THE LITTLE MERMAID did domestically tells me everything I need to know, I feel.

GUARDIANS VOL. 3 had a solid opening for an MCU sequel, down a bit from what VOL. 2 pulled in back in 2017, but still good. Legs carried it past $350m+ domestically, and it made over $845m worldwide. It's probably my favorite MCU movie in a while, and it resonated for a lot of other people, too. Can't say the same about MULTIVERSE OF MADNESS, LOVE AND THUNDER, QUANTUMANIA, and THE MARVELS. The Marvel Cinematic Universe is now a mess of rushed movies that are either homework or you have to do homework in order to keep up with them, GUARDIANS VOL. 3 not so much. I extend this to last autumn's BLACK PANTHER: WAKANDA FOREVER as well.

ELEMENTAL, like most of the recent films overseen by current Pixar leader Pete Docter, told a personal story in a fun, appealing, and visually stunning way. Despite existing next to other family films in a crowded June/July, ELEMENTAL grew some serious legs and did really good overseas. I'm confident LUCA and TURNING RED, had they been released theatrically in a world where COVID-19 never happened, would've done pretty darn well. LIGHTYEAR is the anomaly here, the rare Pixar film that audiences just didn't take a liking to. But I can't hold it against Pixar, Docter lets these filmmakers make the movie they see fit, and sometimes in the world of the arts... It's not going to sit well with everybody. Luckily, ELEMENTAL had a real rebound and nearly made 2 1/2x its posted budget.

THE LITTLE MERMAID got by on being almost beat for beat a redo of a beloved animated feature in Disney's library, and it also helps that some of the actors did a pretty solid job. (I haven't seen the film, only bits and pieces at my movie theater job. I'm not into these remakes.) While this movie couldn't cover its costs worldwide, as it had a hard time in certain large markets, it still did pretty great here.

But I think Marvel, Disney Studios (as in the end that does all the live-action and CG tech demo movies), and Walt Disney Animation Studios are in need of some course correction. I get the sense that the latter two arms of Disney's massive film machine aren't really letting filmmakers make the movies they want to make... But rather making the films for them, and someone steps in to do the job. That's also pretty much the case with Marvel, but sometimes they let a director do what they want. Sometimes. James Gunn got more freedom on VOL. 3, and Ryan Coogler got a lot of say on WAKANDA FOREVER.

Pixar feels the most free of the divisions to me, outside of 20th Century Studios and Searchlight. I feel their recent animated offerings have more of a voice and a personality, they feel like their filmmakers' own creations. Everything from LUCA to ELEMENTAL, all these post-Lasseter movies. I'm not really getting this kind of thing from the Disney Animation films made under Jennifer Lee's leadership, and given how audiences reacted to STRANGE WORLD and WISH (as in, those who actually saw them), I suspect audiences aren't, either. Are their movies being noted to death by upper management? That FROZEN II documentary did reveal that these films are test screened for toddlers, and then stuff is cut out to make things less intense. As if they are sanding off the edges of a perfectly fine piece of furniture.

Maybe it's not villains and such that people missed in Disney animated films of late. Maybe they weren't upset at twists or whatever...

... but rather, they were not too fond of writing that feels like it got doctored relentlessly into being FROZEN 6.0, and also the lack of bite and that classic sense of danger that complimented the magic and "warm fuzzies" quite nicely in the more beloved Disney animated movies. You think Walt Disney gave two craps about the angry letters he got from parents over the frightening moments in SNOW WHITE and PINOCCHIO? If a Disney film has to be a little scary and intense, it should be. I don't understand this new thing where they hold back. Look at how warmly received DreamWorks' PUSS IN BOOTS sequel was last year; a good helping of some scary stuff for the kids in the audience should only help it do better, so long as everything else adds up.

(Note: "Warm fuzzies" was something a friend of mine, a fellow Disney enthusiast named Jim Miles came up with, and I use that phrasing quite a lot!)

The horizon for both studios is curious. Pixar's next is a guaranteed hit with INSIDE OUT 2, it's ELIO that's the more curious one. It'll be Pixar's 2nd-ever post-outbreak theatrical release of an original animated movie. WDAS' next is unknown, and they have ZOOTOPIA 2 and FROZEN III on the horizon, both of which sure to cover any recent losses. Maybe WDAS-2024 shows a change in direction, maybe it's another round of what STRANGE WORLD and WISH had to offer. Maybe it'll be taken back and retooled if WISH comes up short? There will likely be a much needed strike for animation when the Animation Guild can make that happen in mid-2024, so maybe we won't be seeing that very film next year. Stuff will likely be pushed back again, for a strike that NEEDED to happen. Maybe some self-reflection and strikes will do this studio good, they seem to be in a funk.

And in live-action land, you would think a new HAUNTED MANSION movie with that kind of cast (well, except for Jared Leto, yuck) and a rare-for-Disney PG-13 rating would be an all-timer, right? Big flop. Massive budget, probably noted to death, too. If not, then... Decisions were made, and audiences just didn't care for them unfortunately. The remakes, even the ones that make good money at the box office, are largely agreed to be stinkers. Audiences may have flocked to most of them, but if they weren't based on beloved movies... How would they have done? And what's next? A LION KING prequel that I'm certain won't make much of a stir, a delayed and iffy-looking SNOW WHITE remake that I feel will also have trouble at the box office... And more animated movie-based pictures, and some theme park ones maybe. They've run out of classics to remake, so now they're trying theme parks again. They keep trying to get this TRON-in-name-only movie off the ground that's not a sequel to TRON: LEGACY and doesn't involve anyone from the previous two films. And they're doing sequels/prequels to the remakes. But as we saw with ALICE THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS and MALEFICENT 2, that's not a guarantee. People came to see the car they loved with a new coat of paint, not a similar car made afterwards.

So, I think Marvel, Disney Studios, and WDAS are at a similar point to where the Disney enterprise was in the early-to-mid 1970s. Maybe even into the early 1980s...

Above: This logo, for the enterprise's 50th anniversary in 1973, would show up before the films released that year... Presumably, the Buena Vista distribution title card would follow. It does not appear on home video editions of the Disney films released that year. i.e. ROBIN HOOD, CHARLEY AND THE ANGEL, etc.

I think this is all telling me that some audiences aren't necessarily upset at what kinds of stories Disney is choosing to tell, but are instead a bit unsatisfied with the way they are telling those stories. That merely the reliance on brand names and what worked a decade ago is not enough anymore:

I think about where Disney was by around 1975-76, inching up on a decade without Walt Disney, and a few years after Roy O. Disney's passing... And it looks as if Walt Disney Productions at the time were delivering what was guaranteed to be successful... In 1965...

You had cheaply-made kid-friendly comedies starring TV mainstays and often times they co-starred an animal (THE BAREFOOT EXECUTIVE, MILLION DOLLAR DUCK, GUS, take your pick), you had standard adventure movies (such as TREASURE OF MATECUMBE and THE ISLAND AT THE TOP OF THE WORLD), you had the occasional long live-action musical with animated scenes in them (BEDKNOBS AND BROOMSTICKS, PETE'S DRAGON), and the occasional animated feature film that was always directed by Wolfgang Reitherman and had that same lazy vibe that he'd been employing since THE SWORD IN THE STONE a decade ago...

You look at what Disney had to offer on the movie front from around 1969-1976, and it's like backwash from the early 1960s, and what worked back then... Interestingly, it was the animated movies that continued to do well during that period, contrary to popular belief. But nothing was a massive blockbuster domestically, on the level of 101 DALMATIANS or THE JUNGLE BOOK...

So, again, I think of Disney's output roughly 1967-1979... And I see what's coming out now as backwash from 2013-16. Guaranteed smash hit movies - Marvel superhero spectacles, remakes of animated classics, FROZEN-esque family movies... no longer foolproof. Pixar looks to be weathering this just fine, even if this timeline did not see LUCA and TURNING RED hit theaters nationwide. I still reckon those would've been big, big hits in a not-COVID world. How ELEMENTAL did tells me everything.

There was one lucky arm of Disney that somewhat avoided all of this... STAR WARS...

STAR WARS is largely just streaming shows now. There hasn't been a feature film since THE RISE OF SKYWALKER back in 2019. SOLO was the first movie in the whole franchise to actually lose money at the box office, the lowest-grossing film remains that very cheap CLONE WARS theatrical pilot movie. I feel SOLO lost money simply because the director change and subsequent refilming of almost the whole damn thing ballooned the budget, and there's only so many people you can drag to a Han Solo origin movie when a Wikipedia article is right there. Releasing it so soon after THE LAST JEDI didn't help, either. STAR WARS movies aren't MCU movies, I think you kinda need to let those sit for a little while. SOLO, I think, would've probably done better if it had been a Christmas 2018 release. Not the May right after LAST JEDI's December 2017 bow. Disney plans to release two new STAR WARS features in 2026, and well... Good luck with that. The new STAR WARS movies will be a test, to see if audiences will keep showing up for these movies. They aren't even entries in a new trilogy, so there's that.

Lucasfilm did do a new INDIANA JONES movie that did disastrously. Maybe audiences just weren't down for another adventure with Indy, maybe the market was a little too crowded, maybe those who saw it just didn't take to a Spielberg-less Indy movie. (Not a dig on James Mangold, but maybe audiences felt his absence?) Maybe it just cost too fucking much... Lucasfilm seems to just be "Star Wars Studios" now. They lost the rights to the book CHILDREN OF BLOOD AND BONE, which they were supposed to adapt. They've barely made any live-action movies that *aren't* STAR WARS or INDIANA JONES on a consistent basis since RADIOLAND MURDERS all the way back in 1994. Like, what did they make between '94 and now that wasn't part of those huge franchises? RED TAILS, and an animated movie called STRANGE MAGIC. Both of which bombed... But I will be fair to Lucasfilm, a good chunk of the not-SW/Indy movies of the late '80s/early '90s also flopped.

Speaking of that... I also feel that Disney should probably invest in lower budget movies again? Not necessarily "cheap" stuff, but lower budget stuff that's more experimental and more creative? Not the kinds of movies that they can send straight to streaming, but small little movies that do okay in theaters and sorta help build a back catalogue for them. Why wasn't something like CRATER a theatrical release?

One of Disney's biggest live-action successes, a looooong time ago, was HONEY, I SHRUNK THE KIDS. Produced for $18m, grossed over $200m worldwide and spawned some sequels. Did you know that movie actually outgrossed THE LITTLE MERMAID that same year? That's right, in 1989, HONEY made more money than MERMAID... Which film do you think is better remembered?

Anyways, what ended up happening after Disney's weird era after Walt's passing? In the late '70s and early '80s, they genuinely tried to experiment and redefine what a "Disney movie" could be, but a lot of it went south. TRON was probably the most successful of these experiments, but even that didn't measure up to expectations. Touchstone was set up, and they hit the ground running with SPLASH in 1984, and had quite a few successes into the late '80s... Films like THREE MEN AND A BABY and GOOD MORNING, VIETNAM. But that was Touchstone... Mainline Disney was where things needed to be happenin'...

And they weren't really... THE BLACK CAULDRON, THE JOURNEY OF NATTY GANN, ONE MAGIC CHRISTMAS, they were all coming up short. The little bit of respite came from efforts like FLIGHT OF THE NAVIGATOR and THE GREAT MOUSE DETECTIVE, smaller-budget productions that made their money back.

Eventually, the tides changed, and it was time to make movies that took the audience by surprise.

While it was released under the Touchstone banner in 1988, I'd say WHO FRAMED ROGER RABBIT was the movie that really got the ball rolling... And then that would be followed by OLIVER & COMPANY, HONEY I SHRUNK THE KIDS, THE LITTLE MERMAID, BEAUTY AND THE BEAST, etc. All of which reversed course for the studio's film output. You couldn't convince anyone over the age of 12 to check out a "Disney" movie in theaters five years earlier in 1983, but by the beginning of the '90s, you had all the demographics showing up to some of their films...

Maybe that's what Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures will discover again in this weird post-outbreak, post-streaming world. They've hit this wall before, and they've gotten over it...

Maybe it's time for them to take a daring leap and make a proverbial new ROGER RABBIT-type movie that makes a Disney movie neat and worth checking out in the theaters again...

AND ALSO, TO TREAT THEIR FILMMAKERS AND STAFF BETTER, but that's another story.

[venusinsilk]

My friend (well she's better friends with my roommate but we've hung out a lot) texted me last week asking me if I wanted to swim Alcatraz this upcoming June and I was like...... maybe yeah??? She says "it's only 1.5 miles!" And first of all, ONLY????? 1.5 MILES??? IN OPEN WATER? WINDY AS FUCK AND COLD. Possibly foggy too. So I'm like alright, let's talk about it further. Because I think it would be great to have ~fitness goals.~ I am confident of my swimming abilities but I'm not delusional. I ask her for more info- who is hosting the swim, how much does registration cost, etc. She sends it to me and these people want $250 and it days we have to finish in 75 minutes!!!!!! And it's a fucking race. I was like girl.... no. I will do a fun swim that isn't a goddamn race and I'll do it in 2025, not 6 months from now. No fucking way will i be ready that quickly. They say you should be able to swim a mile under 40 minutes-- i don't even know what my swim time is for any length. I've never been on a team or timed myself, I just started swimming a lot in my adult life and recently pursued freediving for fun.

So I talk to my roommate and say Hey! Did she tell you about this Alcatraz swim? She's like Yeah, and this bitch doesn't have car insurance! How the fuck is she going to drive to San Francisco?? Lmaoooo

So I call her back and insist that we aim for 2025 for her financial reasons, not even because I can't fucking do it. And I ask her how often she wants to train in the ocean, I offer to go with her. She says she'll be fine if she goes in the ocean TWICE before the race...... ok.......

So I implore her to rethink her training program (lol) and spend more time open water swimming because fighting against a current and getting salt water in your face and up your nose is very different from doing laps in a heated pool

So she says ok, I'll come over and we'll go. My roommate insists that she's going to flake and not show up at all.

Saturday morning rolls around and this bitch is in front of my house shouting my name into a fucking bullhorn. She doesn't have a wetsuit so I make her borrow my boyfriend's.

I drive her to the beach. She's freaking out because she's afraid the fish will bite. I tell her that's a possibility but it hasn't happened to me yet.

We swim to the buoy. I've been sick with a cough for the past 2 weeks and I can't catch my breath. She swims way ahead and waits for my at the buoy. This particular buoy has a thermometer attached to it in the water that reads 62F. Not too bad but i'm coughing up phlem. We swim down the beach, and back to the buoy. I swim backstroke for part of it and breaststroke for most of it because I can't fucking breath.

It total, we maybe swam 1/4 mile. The Alcatraz swim is 1.5 miles if you stay perfectly on course. You should be prepared for 2 miles. I asked her if she's coming back next Saturday and she said yeah she wants to keep doing this. I'm down to keep trying but jesus christ this was humbling

[elderemorune]

Dad of Light/My Dad

So I just found out about Dad of Light.

For those unfamiliar, let me set a baseline for you. I'm a big fan of Final Fantasy 14, as mentioned previously. I get really into being a part of a community, and love playing the role of tank. Carrying my party through a dungeon and taking the hits as we fight back the forces of darkness suits me perfectly.

The game's been around a long time. The first version came out in 2010 with A Realm Reborn relaunching the game in 2013.

You may have heard some stories, about how fans of Kentaro Miura all dressed up as Dark Knights and formed a line in the major cities in the game to mourn his tragic passing.

And that's but a single facet of this lovely game.

Dad of Light is a Netflix project that came out in 2017, following the tale of a young man (Akio) who bonded with his dad (Hirotaro) over Final Fantasy when he was a kid.

Years down the line, Hirotaro suddenly quits his job without telling his family. Akio is concerned and decides to try to reconnect with his father by purchasing a PlayStation 4 and Final Fantasy XIV for him. With the help of his Free Company and friends, Aru and Kirin, Akio plans to use his character Maidy to befriend his father and discover why he quit his job.

Now, I haven't watched this yet. I literally just started, and it got me thinking about how much I love Eorzea, and how much I love MY dad.

See, stories about fathers and sons ALWAYS fuck me up. For a lot of reasons, but I think chiefly because I wish my dad was like any of these dramatized men. That he could apologize, mean it, and change his behaviour.

He's done part of the work. He apologized for being a rage monster when I was a child. For holding me to impossible standards that even he would have struggled to meet. He meant it when he took me aside in June of 2021 and told me he was sorry.

And the behaviour DID change, for awhile. We worked together at his tech startup (which is still just he and I), and we were doing amazing work. I was learning web design and constantly improving my own skills, because I wanted to be able to help him more.

Then his therapist retired, and he stopped doing the work to be better.

Then he put my wife and I in an incredibly uncomfortable living situation with my sister and her husband that mostly entailed her being entitled to everything, and when we'd put boundaries in place she'd just lose her shit. Then dad would step in, say something like "Don't make me choose between my kids" and fuck off like that would fix a damn thing when she was breaking the lease, up to and including bringing her then boyfriend in without even asking us if he could move in.

Then when we left that situation, he said he couldn't afford to pay Seattle wages.

So I left the company (under the impression that I had been let go), and I lived off savings for a few months after we got here. I scrounged for work, and had recruiters telling me I was worth way more than I was looking for, but that they couldn't find me work that paid the figures they were telling me I deserved.

It took awhile for us to even get things sorted here. We'd moved across the state to escape from my sister, and so that my wife could finally go to college. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't find a job that fit me. I worked for a temp agency for a bit, did a job for a big company answering emails. I figured it'd be fine, it's just emails. Turns out the customer service culture at the company was something along the lines of "All of our customers are literally the worst, we wish they'd just go away, but also we have to pay attention to super fine details when doing our emails so..."

I lasted ten days. Then I asked for my job back with Dad. Things have been better between us since he no longer owns our home or our car. But the condescension is still there. The frustration when I don't get topics he sees as simple.

He may have meant the apology, but a lot of the behaviour didn't change.

It makes me wonder what it would be like, if it started snowing in hell and I convinced the man to take up the mantle of Warrior of Light with me. Would he even let me tank for him? Or would he just run ahead and get mad when he died? Would he make fun of me for playing cross-gender? (Slicks M'Harbeck is the coolest, fucking fight me.) Or would he let me take the center stage and just let me help him for once?

I dunno.

I often say I love my dad, but I wouldn't wish him on anyone. None of my friends like him. My wife doesn't like him. But I love him. I know who he is, how he can be. He raised me, after all. It's hard to care for him because of his judgmental perspective, the way he was raised, all of it. I know some of his trauma, and it's not like I blame him for it.

But if I can be better, why can't he?

And stay that way?

I miss my dad.

Update: Just finished the first episode. I spent the entire time crying. I'm so incredibly jealous of the relationship that Akio and Hirotaro had. And so happy they could have it.

[elytrafemme]

i’m gonna be real with you, i’ve saw like maybe two or three origins streams ;-; ooo, i would like to hear about them whenever if you’d like!! and if you don’t want them to to public or anything, you can always dm if you want to! gosh, i love headcanons, feel free to come to me and tell me about them anytime you wanna :D

poetry is so nice. i used to write poetry sometimes when i was in really bad moments of mental health stuff, so most of my poetry is really triggering probably. i totally understand you with feeling like characters are living and breathing people, i feel that so much. i had an oc who i adored some years ago and haven’t touched on her since those years ago. unfortunate, i miss her so much (her name is june btw). i miss writing, it’s one of the only things i’ve ever truly shared and created because i used to be good at it, but now i think i’ve lost a lot of that. the last thing i wrote was a short c!ranboo poem that i posted a few months ago (i think). and i completely get you, makes total sense. i think writing in that way is really nice

oh? that’s cool then! i don’t know if you remember, but someone asked you a bit ago what names you’d pick for cs!tubbo if his name wasn’t tubbo, and i can’t remember if that was on anon or not (i think it was, and that was me actually. so we have cs!tubbo and cs!ranboo, haha. mhm, i get you, but i wanted to! because the fic is genuinely so fucking incredible and i wanted to add to the lovely community for it, but turns out it was a guy in my brain. i haven’t seen her in a while…. she’s incredibly mentally ill so she’s weary of being around. but if i see them anytime soon, i’ll let him know you said that. i’m sure they would appreciate that. oh no, she’s fine with it. one of the names he goes by actually is mare, because of you, so i’m very positive they’re comfortable with being associated with you and everything? also please let me know if her using a name of yours makes you uncomfortable, he wouldn’t like to make you uncomfortable :]

HELLO I AM SO SORRY I AM REPLYING SO LATE hope you are well <3

i don't have all the energy atm to explain my full headcanons but basically i had a fic AU set in a modern, non-fantastical universe where the osmp cast lived in this smaller quaint town and eventually o!Ranboo left to move into the city after a natural disaster event happened in the other town and caused her some trauma. her relationships are generally strained but are better with some people than others but inevitably she is able to find her way home. there's more to it than that but that was my idea hehe

poetry is so so so fucking healing seriously, and honestly like! any kind of writing is so important to keep regardless of whether it fits on this metric of "good/bad", like. it's coming from the heart and your experiences and these characters that you connect to (june sounds lovely by the way, <3) and that's what's most important. i've had to give myself a lot of grace with cough syrup about whether or not i was writing it perfectly because, yeah, the first couple of chapters are objectively on the shittier end compared to the rest of the fic. but what matters is that it conveyed what i wanted it to, and it gave me a way to spend that summer, and it meant a lot to me.

i hope this isn't uncomfortable to say but the fact that your csranboo uses the name mare because of me makes me like, tear up a little. and yes, i remember that anon! i find it so interesting how many people have asked me about alternate names i'd give the characters for purposes of fictives because to be entirely honest i am so ungodly shitty with names that every time i flounder LMAO, but it's very sweet that people ask me haha . also tell your cstubbo i say hello as well , there are many brain guys in this community too and i think that's realy neat honestly

[agrippinaes]

books I read in 2023

I read 240 books in 2023, which is lower than my total books read than the past few years. But it'd be ridiculous to be bothered by it because, hey, I still read 240 books!

I set myself a goal of trying to read more out of my comfort zone this year. I wanted to read 30 non-romance books, 25 physical books, and 10 non-fiction books. By the end of the year, I'd read a total of 54 non-romance books, 62 physical books, and 27 non-fiction books. I'm hoping to continue in this vein in 2024.

Other stats - for fun -

My most-read author was Cassie Mint

I gave out 32 5* ratings

My most-read genre was (of course) romance, 120 of which were contemporary

I owned most of the books I read

I read the most books in June, with 34 books read, followed by August, with 25 books read

My most read trope was forced proximity, followed by hate-to-love

So, below is a list of the books I read this year. Rereads are italicised, favourite reads are in bold.

Recollection by Noelle Adams

When in Rome by Sarah Adams

Spring Breeze by Lily Alexander

Fornever Yours by Natasha Anders

Don't Pretend I'm Yours by Natasha Anders

In Your Dreams, Holden Rhodes by Stephanie Archer

The Long Game by Elena Armas

The Witchwood Knot by Olivia Atwater

Finding Love in Apartment 2C by Samantha Baca

Asking for Trouble by Tessa Bailey

Unfortunately Yours by Tessa Bailey

Same Time Next Year by Tessa Bailey

Kept by Maya Banks

Hell Bent by Leigh Bardugo

Chick Magnet by Emma Barry

The (Ex) Spy Who (Maybe) Loved Me by Christi Barth

Wet and Reckless by Samanthe Beck

Witches Copse by Math Bird

The Stolen Heir by Holly Black

Every Wish Way by Shannon Bright

The Tenant of Wildfell Hall by Anne Bronte

Desire or Defense by Leah Brunner

Enchanted to Meet You by Meg Cabot

Ms Perfectly Fine by Kate Callaghan

Shucked by Kate Canterbary

1 Last Shot by Nikki Castle

Eyes on Me by Sarah Cate

Highest Bidder by Sarah Cate

Why Didn't They Ask Evans? by Agatha Christie

Go Hex Yourself by Jessica Clare

Beauty and the Billionaire by Jessica Clare

Georgie, All Along by Kate Clayborn

Pining for My Friend's Dad by Daniella Cole

Unsteady by Peyton Corinne

Her Greatest Mistake by Hannah Cowan

Shadows of You by Catherine Cowles

Night Shift by Annie Crown

Her Majesty's Royal Coven by Juno Dawson

Bending the Rules by Mariah Dietz

Moist Actually by Ash Dylan

Everything's Better with Lisa by Lucy Eden

The Fall of Bradley Reed by Morgan Elizabeth

The Protector by Morgan Elizabeth

A Matter of Scandal by Suzanne Enoch

Reforming a Rake by Suzanne Enoch

Pretty Little Thing by L.K. Farlow

Emily Wilde's Encyclopaedia of Faeries by Heather Fawcett

The Nanny by Lana Ferguson

Mafia Madman by Mila Finelli

Mafia Virgin by Mila Finelli

No Limits by Lori Foster

Holding Strong by Lori Foster

Tough Love by Lori Foster

Fighting Dirty by Lori Foster

True Spies by Shana Galen

The Pumpkin Spice Cafe by Laurie Gilmore

A Cup of Zodiac by Alexis Gorgun

Wildfire by Hannah Grace

Trust Me by Rachel Grant

Control Freak by Brianna Hale

Dom Fitness by Brianna Hale

Gym Bunny by Brianna Hale

Princess Brat by Brianna Hale

The Twyford Code by Janice Hallett

The Christmas Appeal by Janice Hallett

Runaway Love by Melanie Harlow

Witches Get Stuff Done by Molly Harper

Rent to Be by Sonia Hartl

Temptation by Jenna Hartley

An Optimist's Guide to Heartbreak by Jennifer Hartmann

A Pessimist's Guide to Love by Jennifer Hartmann

A Witch's Guide to Fake Dating a Demon by Sarah Hawley

Billion Dollar Enemy by Olivia Hayle

When a Duke Loves a Woman by Lorraine Heath

One Touch by Lena Hendrix

The League of Gentlewomen Witches by India Holton

Godmersham Park by Gill Hornby

Twisted Love by Ana Huang

King of Greed by Ana Huang

Babymoon or Bust by Ava Hunter

Pucked by Helena Hunting

Kiss My Cupcake by Helena Hunting

Five Survive by Holly Jackson

We Have Always Lived in the Castle by Shirley Jackson

Not That Duke by Eloisa James

Seven Minutes in Heaven by Eloisa James

String Me Along by Lilian T. James

The Intern by Sophia Karlson

Offside by Avery Keelan

Shutout by Avery Keelan

Against the Clock by Brittany Kelley

Against the Odds by Brittany Kelley

Willow and the Wolf by Elizabeth Kelly

Ava and the Bear by Elizabeth Kelly

Hold by Claire Kent

Nameless by Claire Kent

Nettle and Bone by T. Kingfisher

What Moves the Dead by T. Kingfisher

Hot Single Dad by Claire Kingsley

Love in the Afternoon by Lisa Kleypas

A Wallflower Christmas by Lisa Kleypas

Jingle Bell Beard by Julie Kriss

Forever Your Rogue by Erin Langston

Grimstone by Sophie Lark

The Billionaire's Bride of Convenience by Miranda Lee

Only a Monster by Vanessa Len

A Rake's Guide to Seduction by Caroline Linden

Good Girl Fail by Roni Loren

Hate You by Tracy Lorraine

Fighting Mr. Knight by Rosa Lucas

Fifth Avenue Fling by Rosa Lucas

Crash by Tamara Lush

Drive by Tamara Lush

Consider Me by Becka Mack

Bombshell by Sarah MacLean

Wife Project by Chloe Maine

To Hate Adam Connor by Ella Maise

Recipe for Love by Anne Malcom

Method for Matrimony by Anne Malcom

New Hope, Old Grudges by Anne Malcom

A Marvellous Light by Freya Marske

Her Best Worst Mistake by Sarah Mayberry

Dahlia Made a List by Jenna McCall

Breathless by Amy McCulloch

This Charming Man by C.K. McDonnell

Love Will Tear Us Apart by C.K. McDonnell

Sticks and Stone by Grace McGinty

Trail of Deception by Amanda McKinney

A Missing Connection by Dani McLean

Four Weddings and a Duke by Michelle McLean

Crash by Ruby McNally

An Extravagant Duplicity by Lynn Messina

Thief by Cassie Mint

Hacker by Cassie Mint

Honey Trap by Cassie Mint

Beauty and the Kingpin by Cassie Mint

Ocean Jewel by Cassie Mint

Big Boss by Cassie Mint

Grump Gone Wild by Cassie Mint

Ride or Die by Cassie Mint

Thin Ice by Cassie Mint

Husband Skills by Cassie Mint

The Stranger by Cassie Mint

She Was Made for Me by Jen Morris

A Holly Jolly Ever After by Julie Murphy and Sierra Simone

Playing by the Rules by Monica Murphy

The Brazen by Willa Nash

How to Lose at Love by Sarah Ney

Pleasing Mr. Parker by Elle Nicoll

Convergence of Desire by Felicity Niven

Duke the Halls by Felicity Niven

The Devil and the Deep Blue Sea by Elizabeth O'Roark

The Devil You Know by Elizabeth O'Roark

The Devil Gets His Due by Elizabeth O'Roark

The Summer I Saved You by Elizabeth O'Roark

All Downhill With You by Julie Olivia

The Love Wager by Lynn Painter

A Deal With the Bossy Devil by Kyra Parsi

The Barista's Guide to Perfect Steam by Valerie Pepper

Timid by Devney Perry

Call Me Irresistible by Susan Elizabeth Phillips

Lady Len and the Mysterious Mac by Rose Prendeville

The River Knows by Amanda Quick

Dangerous by Amanda Quick

Reckless by Amanda Quick

Otherwise Engaged by Amanda Quick

She Drives Me Crazy by Kelly Quindlen

The Fantasy League by Meg Reading

Accidentally Compromising the Duke by Stacy Reid

An Earl to Remember by Stacy Reid

First Down by Grace Reilly

Breakaway by Grace Reilly

Alive at Night by Amelie Rhys

Playing the Part by Macy T. Riosa

Contractual Obligations by Elle Rivers

This Spells Love by Kate Robb

Rough by Renee Rose and Vanessa Vale

Wild by Renee Rose and Vanessa Vale

Done and Dusted by Lyla Sage

Hunting for a Highlander by Lynsay Sands

Things We Hide From the Light by Lucy Score

Things We Left Behind by Lucy Score

The Gangster's Prize by Joanna Shupe

Flawless by Elsie Silver

Heartless by Elsie Silver

Sinners Condemned by Somme Sketcher

Sinners Consumed by Somme Sketcher

Take My Daddy, I'll Take Yours by Jenika Snow

First Meet Foul by Jaqueline Snowe

Everyone In My Family Has Killed Someone by Benjamin Stevenson

Dracula by Bram Stoker

The Cottage by Lisa Stone

Love in the Time of Serial Killers by Alicia Thompson

Women Talking by Miriam Toews

Mile High by Liz Tomforde

Man Candy by Vanessa Vale

Man Cave by Vanessa Vale

Man Splain by Vanessa Vale

Man Handle by Vanessa Vale

South by Vanessa Vale

Wall St. Jerk by Megan Wade

The Pawn by Skye Warren

The Knight by Skye Warren

His Curvy Rejected Mate by Cate C. Wells

Secret Santa by Kati Wilde

To Say Nothing of the Dog by Connie Willis

The Boyfriend Candidate by Ashley Winstead

Dear Grumpy Boss by Julia Wolf

Sincerely, Your Inconvenient Wife by Julia Wolf

Shiver by Suzanne Wright

Tempt Me by Tara Wyatt

Fourth Wing by Rebecca Yarros

A Little Too Close by Rebecca Yarros

[verbo-s-e]

june 4, 3:10 pst, scene of the crime, 17 days later

if i were to paint you a picture using words, this is what i’d say:

i’m at the park, on the bench by where we sat in the grass. rewatching it all unfold, trying to understand and i can’t. i don’t know how. honestly: i don’t understand any of it.

i’m listening to ‘fine line instrumental’ on repeat. it’s calming and healing and about the only source of outside stimulation my nervous system can tolerate. i have a migraine. but i’m here. i’m here. i’ve always been here.

so why do i feel invisible?

i need to do a hard thing. a painful thing. i don’t want to. i don’t know how. or, maybe i do. i’ve done it before. but this? this feels different. but like everything else, it comes. one foot in front the other. day by day. minute by minute. second by second. i know. i know. i know. i’ve always known.

what? you ask. what’s your point? what have you known? a blaisé answer: everything and nothing. i shrug.

nothing of the last four + years has felt real. yet the most real. so as i’m sitting here on this bench, extremities falling asleep, i say to myself, so what’s the problem, chuck? chuck is a nickname my childhood best friends grandpa called me one saturday morning. it stuck.

i’m stalling, all in the name of art to get my point across. maybe in another life, or alternate universe i’m not making these choices. writing these words. maybe. maybe. bartering is fun.

not here and now though. now we’re faced with something far more tragic. does it feel tragic to you? ‘square peg, round hole’ comes to mind. you want to so desperately make something work and it just… won’t. nothing wrong with the square. nothing wrong with the round. they just don’t fit. we don’t fit. and i’m not sure we ever truly did.

i used to think we fit. so perfectly like two puzzle pieces. but…. square peg, round hole. i stopped trying to figure out why we both don’t like chocolate or how we both want to name our firstborn kid, river. for the same. exact. reasons. i stopped trying to understand how or why our mannerisms were so similar, or the way we talk or gesticulate. ‘same person dude’ a running inside joke no longer just shared between us.

i, foolishly put weight into those things thinking we were bound by the cosmos and divine to always find and orbit each other. we were two lost halves of one soul. or.. whatever.

because it’s been so obvious this whole time and yet one giant question mark. ‘what does it mean?’ i’d always ask. ‘why?’ ‘why why why why why’ why me?

these questions plagued me. for so long. and id often wonder if they had the same effect on you. if you noticed or wondered about these things at all. i stopped asking a long time ago. all it did was break my heart. the more i asked myself, the sky, the universe — the more you proved to me you never did.

it’s okay. in the way that is, actually not okay, but in a self realization moment of, ‘okay, this is just where they’re at.’ i blame myself mostly and think it’s easier to just shoulder the blame. walk away. go underground to never be seen again. nurse my pride and ego away from everyone.

i want that. god do i want that. but honestly, i think i’d be doing us both a massive disservice.

we mirror each other in all the best and worst ways and there is something profoundly beautiful in that. tragic, albeit. but beautiful, none the less. i think we’ve reached an impasse. a place within in this friendship that no longer looks or feels like friendship anymore, if you can ever even call what this what it is/was.

this is my long winded, verbose way of saying that as friends, i think we should ‘break up’ if you will. put the final nail in the coffin of something that’s already been six feet in the ground. we’ve exhumed it too many times. valiant efforts were made, make no mistake. but we need to put it to rest. give it a proper burial and send off. insert hard thing done here.

at the end of the day, we’re just two people trying to figure life out in the ways only we know how and by doing so, it’s no longer healthy to keep the presence alive. in this great quest to answer the big questions between us of, how and why — i lost myself. abandoned myself. i set you center stage all in the name of curiosity. well… you know what they say about curiosity. i died a long time ago.

i’m never going to truly be able to turn what i feel ‘off’ and i think that unsettles you. just as i’m never going to feel fully safe around you emotionally. we’re both always going to question the motives behind the other and the mess that lays between us is just that: a mess.

make no mistake: this is not me throwing in the towel because you don’t reciprocate my love or for my lack of trying to make things work between us. because i tried for a very very long time. bleeding out right in front of you while you just turned your cheek the other way. ‘i didn’t know if i was helping or hurting you by being in your life.’ yes you did. yes you did. you’ve always known just as i’ve always known. whether tou realized it or not. after all, nothing is ever truly a surprise between us, is it?

[sylvia-forest]

[CN] Shaw's In the Mood for Love Date

⚡ Warning: This post contains detailed spoiler's for date which hasn't released in EN yet!⚡

It’s highly recommended to read his r&s and the prologue of the date to get a better understanding!

[Released Date: 16 June 2022]

[This date was translated with the help of Google Translate and by my friends!]

[Part 1]

In the summer evening, the last ray of light also dimmed.

I was by the lake in the mountain behind Loveland University and had just hidden the gift among the flowers when my phone began to vibrate. 

Shaw: I'm at the playground, What about you?

MC: I'll be there soon~

Shaw: Hurry up…Achoo!

Shaw: How come there are so many flower stalls in front of the school? It smells great.

MC: Today's graduation party, there must be many people who want to send flowers to the graduates.

Shaw: Tsk, bells and whistles. Anyway, hurry up, and the party will be over if you dawdle again.

MC: Understood!

I hung up the phone and looked at the red bouquet in my hand with a subtle mood - wouldn't today's birthday surprise be ruined from the start...  

I lowered my head to sniff - it isn’t that pungent, he’ll probably be fine with it.

What's more, this bouquet of flowers was only the first part of the plan, and I have prepared more than that. Thinking of this, I feel refreshed again and glanced at the hidden gift – –

The birthday plan that surprises Shaw has just begun!

When I arrived at the playground, the party had already kicked off, and I could see that the playground was full of students in groups of three or five.

This graduation party was jointly held by several universities. In order to accommodate more people, the venue was set at the playground of Loveland University.

Host: Before the next performance, let's unpack a "message note" from the current students to the graduates, shall we?

Host: The student from the law department said that he hoped that the two of you can achieve ideal results whether in your work or in your studies. …

In the background sound of the host, I looked around, but did not find Shaw's figure.

Didn't he say he's at the playground?

I stepped away from the noisy crowd and was about to make a phone call to Shaw when my wrist was caught by someone.

MC: ?!

The irresistible force dragged me back.

[Part 2]

The back bumped against a solid chest, and a cool mint smell swept across the tip of my nose.

?.?: You are so slow. If I had to wait any longer I’d sprout mushrooms.

I turned my head and looked at the person in front of me.

MC: . . . Why are you in such a backward position?

Shaw: There are too many people in front and I find it noisy.

Shaw: ...What are you holding in your hand?

Seeing him glance at the bouquet in my hand, I smiled and handed it to him.

MC: This is for you.

Shaw: It's not that I graduated, so why are you giving me flowers?

Despite saying that, he still took it.

MC: I knew you would ask that. Who said that only graduates can receive flowers, and birthday stars can't?

MC: What's more, sending you this kind of flower has a deep meaning.

I cleared my throat and looked at him solemnly.

MC: I checked the Internet for a long time before I found this kind of flower whose nectar can be sucked from the end. I didn't expect that it happened to be available at Loveland University.

Shaw: So what? Do you think I look like a little bee?

MC: Stop, don't interrupt!

I snorted softly and shook my index finger at him.

MC: It was this kind of flower that perfectly fits my birthday wishes to you! Have you ever heard the phrase?

MC: - "Life is the flower for which love is the honey"!

[Trivia]: It's a quote from Victor Hugo! It means that love is what preserves life!

MC: I hope Shaw can be like this flower, let youth bloom magnificently, and make the sweetest honey.〜

Shaw sniffed the flowers and smiled.

Shaw: That sounds nice. Did you make it up on the spot?

Shaw: I saw that everyone else got a big bouquet. All you’re giving me is this little bunch?

MC: There's a reason you're only getting one bouquet... just use it as a "trailer" for your birthday surprise!

Shaw: This is a trailer? It sounds like you have prepared a lot of things.

Shaw: If you want me to say, you might as well play a few more games with me and eat hot pot a few times.

MC: So what you mean is. . . . . . Your birthday wish is for me to spend more time with you?

I deliberately teased and poked him, thinking that he would respond as usual, but I didn't expect him to raise his hand and grab my cheek and rub it from side to side twice.

Shaw: Yes, I just want you to spend more time with me.

Shaw: Why, the birthday star can't ask  for a gift for himself?

He raised his eyebrows and looked at me, and his hot breath fell on the tip of my nose making it slightly itchy.

My heart beat faster involuntarily, I opened my mouth subconsciously, but forgot that my cheek was still under his "claw".

MC: [blushing] What, of course you can. . . . . . .

The out-of-tune ending made Shaw laugh, and he pinched my cheek again before stopping.

Shaw: This was what you said.

As he spoke, he looked forward, and the beautiful streamer on the stage reflected in his eyes.

Shaw: Let's start by watching a show with me.

I couldn't help but smile too, following his gaze to the stage

MC: Speaking of which, when will your seniors perform?

Shaw: Almost.

I held my chin, thinking of the scene where Shaw watched his seniors rehearsal before. It was said that he also made some suggestions in the performance but never told me what.

MC: Can you tell me now, what exactly was the suggestion?

Shaw: What's the hurry, you'll find out later.

Shaw grinned, but I vaguely felt a bad feeling; this was the signature smile he would show whenever he came up with a "bad idea".

MC: Are you sure it's not the kind of proposal that would make Professor Shen punish you?

Shaw rubbed my head angrily.

Shaw: Have some confidence in me.

Shaw: Just wait and see, they will surely amaze the audience.

Shaw: Besides, a punishment is a punishment.

Shaw: For many people, this should be the last time on campus, so why not let it go?

I was reminded of the green memory of college days by his words, and my heart couldn't help being touched gently.

MC: When you say that, I suddenly miss my time.

Shaw: Just remembering isn't enough.

Shaw squinted at me and raised his eyebrows.

Shaw: I will take you to reminisce it today.

[Part 3]

Just when I was looking forward to Shaw's seniors show, it suddenly started to rain.

There was a burst of exclamations in the playground, and then it was replaced by happy laughter.

Perhaps because of the atmosphere, I gave up the idea of sheltering from the rain and just felt the fine threads of rain with Shaw on the spot.

Shaw: Time to play.

Shaw's smiling voice fell into my ears, and amid the warm applause, a few familiar figures appeared on the stage

MC: It's your seniors!

The soothing music flowed out, many students shook their bodies, and I couldn't help humming along with the melody.

Shaw watched the performance quietly, until the end of the first stanza of the song, he suddenly snapped his fingers.

Shaw: Now -

The music sounded again, but the style changed suddenly - the senior didn't know where to put down the harmonica, put on the bass, and cut the air with a low tone!

A passionate bass strum resounded through the campus, and the fierce and wanton rock melody hit like an ocean wave, spreading out layer by layer, filling the entire playground.

Shaw: Let's go, I'll take you to a good spot.

He raised his chin towards the stage, then took my hand and ran towards the crowd -

MC: Wait, wait a minute Shaw! Didn't you say that the front was so crowded?

I jogged to keep up with his pace, and saw him turn back and shout at me with a wanton smile.

Shaw: Yeah, but in order to make sure you enjoy the show, I’ll have to suck it up.

Shaw: So you must enjoy today, and don't let my good intentions go down.

The flashing dazzling lights made the flamboyant bright colors even more conspicuous. I fixedly looked at the pair of eyebrows staring at me, and firmly held him back.

Let him take me into that tumultuous ocean.

“I faced it all and I stood tall; And did it my way  …

In the heart-shaking song, we passed by people one by one, and the heartbeat in our chest was constantly thumping.

After finally squeezing into the front row, Shaw naturally leaned over to my ear.

Shaw: How about it?

MC: Okay, noisy! But it's very lively!

I shouted to Shaw loudly and saw him smiling.

Shaw: Come up.

I blinked a little stunningly, glanced at the girls who were held up by the boys, and immediately understood.

MC: …..You want me to sit on your shoulders?

Shaw: What, dare not?

The streamers of the stage poured on us, an unprecedented sense of excitement and excitement poured into my heart, and I raised the corners of my mouth high.

MC: What dare not? Then you have to hold me tight, don't let me fall!

Shaw: Of course.

I grabbed Shaw's hand and stepped on his shoulder. The next second was accompanied by a burst of weightlessness. My vision instantly opened up and all the scenery came into view.

Bang bang, bang bang, the beating heart beat the eardrum, the body seemed to be ignited by a cluster of flames, and all the limbs and bones became hot in an instant.

As far as the eye can see, the students are completely intoxicated by the music swaying involuntarily.

The notes keep jumping in my ears, I feel my body floaty, and every cell in my body is happy with the melody.

In the raindrops falling from the sky, everything is even more hazy, and a hot tide is oozing from our clenched palms.

I looked down at his throbbing hair, and there was some emotion fermenting in my chest.

The moment the music stopped on stage, amid the cheers of the crowd, my body took action before thinking -

MC: Shaw.

Shaw: Hm?

I folded my hands in a trumpet shape.

MC: Happy birthday - !

I shouted without hesitation, Shaw was stunned for a moment, then smiled and held my hand tightly - making the entangled fingers more eagerly intertwined.

After the show, I excused myself to leave and quietly ran to lay out gifts.

When I came back, the crowd was full of laughter, and the host who read the note on the stage couldn't help himself from laughing.

Host: Hahaha, the message from this archaeology student was very special.

I touched my arm, which was slightly cold. Just as curiosity was surfacing in my heart, it was cut off by a voice. 

Shaw: Where did you go?

A warm jacket was draped over me, I suppressed my doubts, turned around and gave Shaw a sly smile.

MC: Now that your seniors performance has ended, are you free now?

Shaw: Yes, I’m free now. . . . . . .

He paused, as if he understood what I was saying, and raised the corner of his lips.

Shaw: Are you going to take me to eat cake or open presents?

Before I could answer, he chuckled and put his hands in his pockets.

Shaw: Although, anything is fine.

Shaw: Anyway, my whole night is yours.

[Part 4]

At the back mountain of Loveland University, the splendid red flowers bloomed all over the lakeside and the bouquet I gave to Shaw was exactly the same.

MC: Surprise~ These are the flowers I want to give you. Not just one flower, but a whole field.

[Trivia]: The flower that MC gave to Shaw is “凌霄花 (ling xiao hua)” → “Chinese trumpet vine”! And in the symbolism of plants trumpet vine represents “a fresh start” referring to the beginning of autumn!

Surprise flashed across Shaw's face, but it was quickly replaced by a smile.

Shaw: Who are you fooling? It's obviously from the school.

In the face of his complaints, I stuck out my tongue.

MC: It's because the flower shop doesn't have such flowers. I found out that they grew here and wanted to pick a bouquet for you.

MC: But I always feel that such a beautiful flower should bloom freely here.

MC: So I brought you here on purpose, and it can be regarded as giving you such a flower~

Shaw: Rather, it will make up for itself.  Are you “Using someone else’s gift as a gift”?

MC: ...this was just part of the surprise, the best is yet to come.

I took him to the clearing behind the flowers, a circle of bright nightlights surrounding a gift box in the center.

Shaw opened his eyes slightly and picked up a custom CD from the box.

Shaw: It looks like this is my birthday present?

MC: That's right~ When I was preparing a gift for you, I happened to hear that you were going to hold a graduation ceremony, so I was inspired.

I winked at Shaw.

MC: I've always felt that whether it's a graduation party or a birthday.

MC: People celebrate this day with grand ceremonies, all to make this memory more profound -

MC: It's good to remember the current self who's full of longing and shining.

Shaw raised his brows slightly, motioning for me to continue, so I smiled again.

MC: So, I want to record your precious and happy moments.〜

Shaw: . . this disc doesn’t happen to hold a bunch of sneaked videos of me does it?

I couldn't help but smack him lightly.

MC: I have written down your good ideas, and I will satisfy you next year! Take a look at the back of the disc first.

Hearing this, Shaw narrowed his eyes and looked at it carefully, and his eyes flickered in an instant.

Shaw: Did you collect the songs I wrote?

MC: Hmm. Like you said, many things are done because you like them, and there are not so many reasons.

MC: Skateboarding, graffiti, making a band, although you always express yourself in understatement…

MC: But it is precisely because you like it that when you do these things, you shine, you’re happy, and they are precious.

Shaw didn't speak, his eyes turned back and forth on me, seeing the smile on his face, my tone became more and more light.

MC: Rather than clinging to the meaning of everything, it's more important to remember every happy moment, isn't it?

I tilted my head to look at him, and the depths of those always casual pupils gradually lit up with a fine light, and after a while, his lips raised a familiar arc.

Shaw: I don't have a complete collection of these songs myself, so I'm too lazy to get them.

Shaw: You are quite capable and patient.  however. . . . . . .

MC: I also prepared double insurance this year! Look what else is in the CD case?

I quickly interrupted Shaw without giving him any chance to complain, but I didn't expect him to approach with a smirk, with a stern look on his face.

Shaw: You’re really one to go all out, aren’t you?

MC: Shaw!

He shook the disc case in good spirits, and a booklet slipped out and fell into his hands.

Lightly twisting his fingers, every inner page of the booklet was filled with splendid graffiti. Shaw's gaze froze, and after a few seconds, he couldn't help but laugh out loud.

Shaw: Huh, did you accidentally knock over the paint tray?

MC: …. This is a "doodle book"!

My cheeks felt slightly warm, but I quickly raised my face again and explained proudly.

MC: The source of inspiration for these patterns is the song you wrote〜 how about it, is it worthy of the music of Shaw the bassist?

I thought that Shaw would give comments like "fair" and "okay" again, but he just flipped through the graffiti, and after a while he chuckled.

Shaw: It is quite suitable.

He said it seriously, without joking at all.  Looking at his raised eyebrows, my heart beat a little inexplicably.

Shaw: But you said something wrong just now.

Shaw: Those "happy moments" you mentioned are not precious.

Shaw: To me, they are just pieces that are more special than normal.  Even if you forget it, it's no big deal.

Shaw said and raised the CD and graffiti book in his hands.

Shaw: But if you look back a few times through your eyes…

Shaw looked at me, a pair of eyes glowing brightly in the night.

Shaw: Maybe you can find something new and interesting.

Shaw: That's what we call "precious".

My heart seemed to be bumped by something, and I forgot to react for a while, just looking at the night to make his eyebrows softer.

Shaw: Tsk, now that I’ve said all this, do you understand now?

Shaw said and pinched my face.

Shaw: I mean - thanks, I love the gift.

Shaw: The same goes for the person who gives the gift.

His last words were spoken so fast, so fast that my heart beat instinctively, and I subconsciously just wanted to hear it again.

MC: ...Can you say that again!

Shaw: Don't say good things a second time.

I didn't give up pestering Shaw, but he laughed and avoided me. Just as we were fighting, there was a burst of speech in the distance.

?.?: This time, thanks to Shaw for helping us with the adaptation, we have to thank him in person.

?.?: When the host read his message just now, I saw him walking this way, and he disappeared in a blink of an eye…

Shaw let out a small murmur, and sensitively pulled me into the flowers.

The flowers rustled and fell, I wrapped my arms around his waist, looked at the face that was so close at hand, and opened my eyes wide.

In the quiet atmosphere, breathing and heartbeat are infinitely amplified.  Until the footsteps drifted away, I couldn't help poking him.

MC: The one who passed by just now was your seniors, right? Why are we hiding?  .

Shaw: It's agreed that you will spend my birthday with me, and I don't want to be disturbed by outsiders.

Shaw said it as a matter of course, I couldn't help but raise the corners of my mouth and cooperate to lower my voice.

MC: Then let's stay here a little longer~ But...I didn't expect you to write a message to the graduates?

He made a low "tsk" sound, a little helpless.

Shaw: It was the old man Shen who forced me.

MC: So what did you write?

Shaw: It's nothing.

Shaw: I just hope that seniors and seniors don't always listen to other people's suggestions, listen to their own ideas, and do whatever they want.

Shaw: Anyway, we are all young, and we can do whatever we want, even if we get stuck.

I couldn't help but smile.

MC: Exactly like what you would say.

MC: You are right, young should be like this, free and unrestrained~

He retracted his gaze with satisfaction, put the CD in the gift box, and looked around at the surrounding flowers.

Shaw: I accepted the gift, but the flowers you gave...I can't take it with me.

I was amused by the teasing in his tone, and suddenly my mind moved, and I jokingly picked up a falling flower and brought it to his lips.

MC: Since you can't take it with you, try the nectar and remember its taste.

Shaw's eyes paused slightly, looking at the bouquet in my hand.

I thought he would complain, but he grabbed my wrist and pulled it gently - and sucked the flower tail with my hand.

His hair brushed my cheeks, and the faint breath of his nose pounced on my neck and fingertips, bringing burning heat.

The red flowers against Shaw's lips were indescribably sultry, and my heart skipped a beat for some reason.

MC: …. sweet?

Shaw looked at me with a hint of light in his eyes.

Shaw: Taste for yourself.

As soon as I finished speaking, a warm touch with a floral fragrance touched my lips.

I held onto the flower subconsciously, and the place where my lips touched the end of the flower got a little wet.

My heart beat chaotically, and the familiar scent on the petals made my already red ear pinna even hotter.

Shaw reached out and brushed away wisps of my hair, then stroked my face with thinly callused fingers, leaving behind a trail of warmth.

Under the silent night sky, the young man's eyes were full of light and heat, making people unable to take their eyes off.

Between silently looking at each other, Shaw suddenly narrowed his eyes.

Shaw: It seems like what you just said really wasn’t made up.

MC: Hm?

Shaw: Didn't you say, “Life is the flower for which love is the honey”, was it really made up to fool me?

He wrapped his fingers around my hair and pulled it lightly.

MC: Of course not! So you agree with this now?

Shaw: Hard to say.

He smiled and added.

Shaw: Have to taste it again to know -

The lingering between the lips and teeth drowned out all the noise, the hot breath kept falling, and there was only one thought in my heart that was very clear.

As long as I'm with this person, I think this splendor will last forever.

—

⚡ Call

⚡ Moments

⚡ Texts

[myfanwymusings]

TAYLOR SWIFT / FEARLESS (TAYLOR’S VERSION)

These lyrics are from Taylor Swift’s 2021 re-recording of her 2008 sophomore album, Fearless. These lyrics may be modified to better fit roleplay purposes. Please note: every track from the new album has been included, except Love Story (Elvira Remix) and Forever & Always (Piano Version) due to their lyrics being duplicates of lyrics already in the album elsewhere.

FEARLESS

There's something 'bout the way the street looks when it's just rained

I'm trying so hard not to get caught up

You're just so cool

I don't know how it gets better than this

With you I'd dance In a storm in my best dress

I wanna stay right here

I'm not usually this way

You pull me in and I'm a little more brave

FIFTEEN

Take a deep breath and walk through the doors

Try to stay out of everybody's way

You know, I haven't seen you around before

When you're fifteen and somebody tells you they love you, you're gonna believe them

When someone tells you they love you, you’re going to believe them

We'll be outta here as soon as we can

All you wanted was to be wanted

All I wanted was to be wanted

Back then, I swore I was gonna marry him someday

I realized some bigger dreams of mine 

I've found time can heal most anything 

I didn't know who I was supposed to be

I didn't know who I was supposed to be at fifteen  

LOVE STORY

We were both young when I first saw you

Hello

Stay away from Juliet

I’m begging you, please don't go

Please don't go.

Take me somewhere we can be alone

All there's left to do is run

You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess

It’s a love story, baby just say yes.

Baby, just say yes.

We're dead if they knew

They're trying to tell me how to feel 

This love is difficult, but it’s real

Don’t be afraid, we’ll make it out of this mess

I got tired of waiting 

My faith in you is fading

I’ve been so alone

I keep waiting for you but you never come

Is this in my head?

I don’t know what to think

Marry me, Juliet

You’ll never have to be alone

I love you, and that’s all I really know

I talked to your dad

Go pick out a white dress

HEY STEPHEN

I know looks can be deceiving

I know I saw a light in you

I didn't say half the things I wanted to 

You might have me believing I don't always have to be alone

I can't help it if you look like an angel 

I wanna kiss you in the rain 

Come feel this magic I've been feeling since I met you 

I can't help it if there's no one else

I can’t help myself

I've been holding back this feeling, so I got some things to say to you

I never seen nobody shine the way you do 

I've seen it all, so I thought

I think you and I should stay the same

Why aren't you here tonight?

I could give you fifty reasons why I should be the one you choose

All those other girls, well, they're beautiful but would they write a song for you?

WHITE HORSE

Say you're sorry

That face of an angel comes out just when you need it to 

I honestly believed in you

This ain't a fairytale 

I was a dreamer before you went and let me down 

Maybe I was naive, got lost in your eyes 

I didn't know to be in love that you had to fight to have the upper hand 

I had so many dreams about you and me 

I'm gonna find someone someday who might actually treat me well 

YOU BELONG WITH ME

She's going off about something that you said

She doesn't get your humor like I do 

What you're looking for has been here the whole time 

Why can't you see that you belong with me?

I can't help thinking this is how it ought to be 

You've got a smile that could light up this whole town 

Hey, isn't this easy? 

You say you're fine but I know you better than that 

I remember you driving to my house in the middle of the night 

All this time how could you not know?

Have you ever thought just maybe you belong with me?

BREATHE (FEAT. COLBIE CALLAIT)

None of us thought it was gonna end that way

People are people and sometimes we change our minds

It's killing me to see you go after all this time

I don't know what to be without you around

We know it's never simple

You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand 

I can't breathe without you, but I have to

I never wanted this, I never wanna see you hurt

Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall out 

It's 2 A.M, feeling like I just lost a friend

TELL ME WHY

You might think I'm bulletproof, but I'm not

You took a swing, I took it hard

Down here from the ground I see who you are

I'm sick and tired of your attitude

I'm feeling like I don't know you

You tell me that you love me, then cut me down 

You know you got a mean streak

I remember what you said last night

I know, that you see, what you're doing to me 

You could write a book on how to ruin someone's perfect day

I'm sick and tired of your reasons

I got no one to believe in

You tell me that you want me, then push me around

Why do you have to make me feel small?

Why do you have to put down my dreams?

YOU’RE NOT SORRY

I've been giving out chances every time and all you do is let me down

It's taken me this long, baby, but I've figured you out

You're thinking we'll be fine again, but not this time around

You don't have to call anymore 

This is the last straw 

I don't wanna hurt anymore

You can tell me that you're sorry but I don't believe you, baby, like I did before

You're not sorry

I might believe you if I didn't know

I could've loved you all my life if you hadn't left me waiting in the cold 

You've got your share of secrets and I'm tired of being last to know

You used to shine so bright, but I watched all of it fade

THE WAY I LOVED YOU

I couldn't ask for anything better

You look beautiful tonight

I feel perfectly fine 

I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain

It's 2AM and I'm cursing your name 

I never knew I could feel that much 

You're so in love that you acted insane

He can't see the smile I'm faking

My heart's not breaking cause I'm not feeling anything at all

FOREVER & ALWAYS

Were you just kidding?

I don't feel welcome anymore

Baby, what happened? 

He still hasn't called

You feel so low you can't feel nothing at all

I was there when you said forever and always 

Was I out of line? 

Did I say something way too honest?

I thought I knew you for a minute, now I'm not so sure 

Where is this going?

Did you forget everything?

I don’t think so

You didn't mean it

THE BEST DAY

I don't know why all the trees change in the fall

You're not scared of anything at all

I know I had the best day with you today

How my friends could be so mean?

I don't know who I'm going to talk to now at school 

I have an excellent father, his strength is making me stronger 

You're the prettiest lady in the whole wide world

I know you were on my side even when I was wrong

I didn't know if you knew

CHANGE

I believe in whatever you do

I'll do anything to see it through 

These things will change

Can you feel it now? 

These walls that they put up to hold us back will fall down

The time will come for us to finally win

So we've been outnumbered, raided, and now cornered

It's hard to fight when the fight ain’t fair

We're getting stronger

They might be bigger but we're faster and never scared

There's something in your eyes says we can beat this 

We never gave in

JUMP THEN FALL

I like the way you sound in the morning

Your laugh is the best sound I have ever heard

All I can think is we should be together

Don't be afraid to jump then fall

I'm never gonna leave you 

I'll catch you 

The time is gonna come when you're so mad you could cry 

I'll hold you through the night until you smile

Every time you smile, I smile

Every time you shine, I shine

UNTOUCHABLE

I'm reaching out and I just can't tell you why

I'm caught up in you

When you're close, I feel like coming undone

Say that we'll be together 

I won't wait here all day 

I want to feel you by my side and standing next to me

COME IN WITH THE RAIN

I don't wanna go there anymore

I know all the steps up to your door but I don't wanna go there anymore

I'll leave my window open

I'm too tired at night to call your name

Just know I'm right here hoping that you'll come in with the rain

I could stand up and sing you a song but I don't wanna have to go that far 

I've got you down, I know you by heart and you don't even know where I start 

I don't know what else I can say 

I'm too tired at night for all these games 

SUPERSTAR

This is wrong but I can't help but feel like there ain’t nothing more right

I can't help but wish I could see your face 

I knew from the first note played I'd be breaking all my rules to see you

I'm no one special, just another wide-eyed girl who's desperately in love with you

Loneliness comes around when I'm not dreaming about you 

I knew when I saw your face I'd be counting down the ways to see you 

I'm invisible and everyone knows who you are 

THE OTHER SIDE OF THE DOOR

In the heat of the fight I walked away ignoring words that you were saying

This time I've had enough

I'm so mad I might tell you that it's over 

Leave

I'm in love with you

All I need is on the other side of the door 

I keep going back over things we both said 

If you know everything tell me why you couldn't see when I left, I wanted you to chase after me 

I can't even look at you 

I don’t need you, but I do

There's nothing you can say to make this right again, I mean it 

TODAY WAS A FAIRY TALE

Today was a fairy tale

I used to be a damsel in distress

Time slows down whenever you're around

Can you feel this magic in the air?

I fell in love when I saw you standing there

It's getting so much clearer 

Nothing made sense 'til the time I saw your face

YOU ALL OVER ME (FEAT. MAREN MORRIS)

I lived, and I learned, had you, got burned

Swore that I'd get out of here

No amount of freedom gets you clean

I've still got you all over me  

The best and worst day of June was the one that I met you 

Don't you wish you had me? 

Every breath of air I breathe reminds me of then 

I watched a part of myself die

MR. PERFECTLY FINE

I've been waitin' for you all my life

Every single day until the end, I will be by your side

It takes everything in me just to get up each day

Hello Mr. "Perfectly fine", how's your heart after breaking mine?

It's wonderful to see that you're okay

Everything revolves around you

Well, I thought you might be different than the rest, I guess you're all the same

'Cause I hear he's got his arm 'round a brand-new girl

I never got past what you put me through but it's wonderful to see that it never fazed you

WE WERE HAPPY

When it was good, baby, it was good

No one could touch the way we laughed in the dark 

Goodbye's so much harder 'cause we were happy 

I hate those voices telling me I'm not in love anymore 

THAT’S WHEN (FEAT. KEITH URBAN)

Need some space to think about all of this 

When can I come back? 

All this playing, did you ever think of me?

I'll be waiting at the front gate

I did you wrong, made mistakes and put you through all of this 

I'll come back

DON’T YOU

I knew I'd run into you somewhere 

It's been a while

I didn't mean to stare 

I'm sure she'll make you happy 

Don't smile at me and ask me how I've been

Don't say you've missed me if you don't want me again

You don't how much I feel I love you still 

Sometimes I really wish that I could hate you 

I swore I wouldn't do this

BYE BYE BABY

It wasn't just like a movie 

This is the last time I'll drive this way again 

I still love you but I can't 

I was so sure of everything we thought we'd always have

Seems like I'm becoming part of your past

There's so much that I can't touch

You're all I want but it's not enough this time

I can feel you like you're slipping through my hands 

I'm so scared of how this ends

I want you back but it's coming down to nothing

[nerdzzone]

Only For A Moment: July

Summary: A series of shorter one shots from Chris and Whitney’s life together throughout the pandemic. Some happy times, some harder times, some fluff and some things a little more sexy - they work through it all as they try to get settled in their new and blossoming relationship.

Chris Evans x OFC

Part of the Once Bitten/More Hearts series

Only For A Moment: June

-----

July 2020

Chris was stressed.

It was understandable as he'd just launched his new endeavour - A Starting Point - but it was worrying me how anxious and overwhelmed he seemed to be. The feedback so far had been good, but he was still concerned about how it was going to be received and whether or not people would actually find it useful. He had several long, full days of interviews scheduled to promote it and explain what they hoped to achieve and, after the first week, he was exhausted which made him moody and withdrawn.

It didn't help that Grayson had quickly adjusted to having our undivided attention and was growing increasingly frustrated with his dad's busy schedule. The Friday after the launch, Chris promised him that he'd be done by bedtime so he could tuck him in, but technical difficulties got in the way and he was once again stuck in front of his laptop until well into the evening.

And that was where I found him, at almost nine o'clock, when I went to see if he'd be finished anytime soon. I'd poked my head around the door and saw him sat at his desk with his head in his hands and the sight made my heart ache.  Sneaking up behind him, I wrapped my arms around his shoulders.

"Hey," I greeted him softly. "How are you doing?"

"I'm fine," he assured me, but the sigh that followed told me otherwise. "Just tired. It's been a busy week."

"It has. We've missed you."

My words weren't meant to add guilt to his stress, but I realized my mistake when he winced.

"Sorry," he mumbled, placing a kiss on my arm where it rested across his chest. "I did try to finish early today - I suggested we push the last interview until tomorrow when we hit the connection issues, but they weren't having it. Was Grayson mad that I missed bedtime again?"

"Not mad," I shrugged. "Just a bit disappointed."

Chris' head fell forward and his shoulders stiffened.

"That's worse."

"No, it's not," I insisted, squeezing him tightly. "He was just a little sad, but he got over it. I promised him that you'd do something fun with him when you weren't so busy and he accepted that."

"I was actually thinking of taking him to the museum to see the dinosaur exhibit," Chris admitted. "They just reopened, but he'd have to wear a mask."

"He'd love that," I smiled, knowing how much both of them loved their father and son days. We'd made an effort to give him more one on one time, but it was limiting when we hadn't been able to leave the house much until recently. "And I think he'd be okay with a mask. We can order one and get him to wear it at home for a bit to get used to it."

"Good idea," Chris nodded. "I can do that tomorrow"

"Or I can," I suggested, kissing the side of his head. "You're busy enough at the moment. And you're stressed, I can feel the tension in your shoulders."

Chris sighed again and I felt a pang of sympathy for him.

"I know. This project just means a lot to me. I want it to do well."

"And it is," I reminded him as an idea hit me. "C'mon, I know what you need to help you relax."

"Oh, yeah?" Chris smirked and I rolled my eyes as his mind had clearly gone straight to something dirty. "What would that be?"

"Probably not whatever you're thinking of," I informed him. "But there's some pizza left in the kitchen. Go have a slice of that and then meet me in the bedroom."

"Alright, I like the sound of this."

His smirk had grown and I swatted the back of his head as I slid my arms off of his shoulders.

"Don't be such a perv!"

He laughed and stood up from his chair as I shook my head and he pulled me in for a quick kiss before we headed downstairs and went our separate ways.

-

If there was one thing I knew how to do, it was run the perfect bath for relaxation. It had been my tradition every evening after I'd dropped Gray off at Chris' house - I would pour myself a glass of wine and take a bath, enjoying the opportunity for a long soak without the risk of Grayson interrupting. The bathtub in Chris' en suite made that indulgence even better due to it's size and depth and I'd taken advantage of it several times during our stay with Chris. Which meant that I had quite the assortment of bath salts and bubble bath to create the perfect bath for Chris.

The tub had just finished filling up when he walked in and I heard him chuckle at the sight.

"I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little disappointed."

"Oh, shush," I teased, turning around to face him once I'd turned off the taps. "This will be much more effective than whatever you were imagining."

Chris scoffed at that claim, a smirk firmly on his face.

"I disagree."

"I'm sure you do, but that's too bad. Now, strip."

"Ooh, I like it when you're bossy."

His comment earned another roll of my eyes as I crossed my arms and waited for him to do as I'd instructed.

As he did, I couldn't help, but stare. He seemed to be toning up even more during our quarantine and the sight of his perfectly sculpted body took my breath away every time I had the luxury of seeing it. He caught my gaze and colour flooded my cheeks as I knew that he'd seen me gawking at him, but despite the smug look on his face, he made no comment as he climbed into the tub.

Once he was settled with his head resting back on the edge of the tub, I sat down on the closed lid of the toilet and picked my phone up from where it was sitting on the counter. I unlocked the screen with the intention of replying to my mother who had messaged me while I was getting the bath ready, but a giggle slipped from my lips when I saw what was already open on my phone from earlier that day. Chris raised a questioning eyebrow and I debated whether or not to tell him about it. It had the potential to send his stress levels sky rocketing again, but if he thought I was hiding something from him, it would probably irritate him and ruin his mood anyway so I came clean.

"Hannah sent me a link to an Instagram account today that posts lots of gossip stuff," I informed him. "Most of it seems to be just random submissions, but they've been right a few times, I guess, so people seem to believe whatever they say now."

"And why did she send you a link to it?"

"Because apparently you're engaged."

I was smiling as I broke the news to him because obviously I knew it wasn't true, but Chris let out a groan of annoyance.

"Engaged to who?! To you?"

"No, to a mysterious blonde. Apparently, the person who sent in the message has a friend who spotted you picking up some takeout with this woman. Her ring was clearly on display and you were openly affectionate with her while you waited for your food."

"That's just a straight up lie," Chris huffed. "I don't know why people waste their time making this shit up and I really don't know why you bother reading it."

"It's not like I seek it out, but Hannah finds it entertaining to see what people are saying about us," I shrugged. "You have to admit that it's kinda funny. It sends everyone into such a frenzy."

Chris shot me a look.

"Funny isn't the word I'd use."

"C'mon, it's a little amusing!" I smiled, scrolling down to the comments. "Like, look, they're discussing whether or not I fit the description in case I just dyed my hair blonde. But then someone else says they saw me in L.A. two weeks ago, around the time you were with the blonde woman, so it couldn't possibly be me. They're like little detectives."

Chris rolled his eyes, but there was a reluctant smile on his face.

"Detectives aren't allowed to just make things up," he pointed out. "Unless you took a secret trip a few weeks ago that I didn't know about."

"No, I didn't," I laughed. "You have some very creative fans."

"I don't think it's my fans who write that stuff. It's probably other people trying to antagonize them."

"Well, it works like a charm. They go nuts trying to decide if it's true. I just wish they wouldn't get so mean about it sometimes," I admitted. "Like, some of them were saying how glad they were that you'd moved on from me finally because of how cruel it is that I ruined your life by trapping you with a baby."

The scowl on Chris' face instantly returned with that additional information and I scolded myself for saying it.

"I should have let Downey sue them all like he wanted to when it first leaked that you were pregnant," Chris huffed. "Then maybe by now these gossip pages would know better than to post shit about us."

"It would have just made things worse," I insisted as a smirk slid onto my face. "Besides, it doesn't really bother me. I'm the one sitting next to you while you lounge completely naked in a bubble bath while they spiral into a jealous pit of despair."

That comment earned me a laugh before he sat up a bit higher in the tub.

"Why are you sitting over there anyway?" He asked. "Get in here with me."

I smiled at his demand, but shook my head.

"This isn't supposed to be a sexy bath. You're supposed to be relaxing."

"And what better way to relax than to share a bath with the woman I love?"

A statement like that was hard to resist, especially as he grinned up at me from the tub with that amazing smile of his. I relented with surprisingly little resistance and rose from where I was sitting.

"I suppose that's fair..."

Putting my phone back on the counter, I turned so my back was to Chris. I could feel his eyes burning into me as he stared and I bit back a smirk. I quickly undid the button on the shorts I was wearing and slid them down my legs, bending at the waist as I stepped out of them. A noise of approval came from behind me as I stood up again and I shot him what I hoped was a sexy look over my shoulder before I pulled my shirt over my head. After slipping out of my bra and quickly pulling off my panties, I left them with my shorts and turned around with one hand over my chest to keep it covered until I was settled in the tub under all the bubbles.

"Wow," Chris grinned. "You're so fuckin' hot."

I giggled at his compliment, feeling a wave of self-confidence from my little strip tease.

For the past few weeks I'd been spending more time in Chris' home gym and I was feeling the positive side effects - more than just in my slowly developing muscle tone. We'd had a fight one night not long after our first pool day when I made some self-deprecating comments that rubbed Chris the wrong way. He scolded me rather harshly for always talking badly about my body and, while at first his exasperated reaction made me shut down, it eventually led to a very open conversation.

I explained that I wasn't just fishing for compliments all the time. I had some serious insecurities and - as analyzed by Hannah who was a very well trained psychologist - I tended to put myself down first before someone else could do it. I informed him that it wasn't just the body changes that come from pregnancy that bothered me, but the fact that I hadn't had much time to go to the gym since Gray was born - when he was with me, I was busy with him and when he was with Chris, I was busy with work.

He understood where I was coming from and reminded me that his home gym was available for my use any time I wanted, but insisted that I make sure I was doing it for the right reasons. He didn't want me killing myself to change how I looked when I didn't really need to, but I assured him that my motivations weren't all vanity related. Sure, I wanted to look good, but I missed feeling strong and healthy.

After our conversation, I’d started taking some time every day to get some exercise and the difference it was making to my confidence even after a few short weeks was huge. So, hearing Chris' praise now made me feel wonderful because I was actually starting to believe it.

"Thanks," I smiled in response to his compliment as I got settled in the bath tub. We were facing each other, my legs draped over his thighs so my feet were resting by his hips and my bum was between his shins. He grabbed my hand and laced our fingers together as he watched me with what could only be described as an adoring look. "It's amazing what a few weeks at the gym can do."

"Helps that you were pretty hot to start with too," he teased. "But I'm glad you're feeling more confident."

"Me too." I leaned forward to press a soft kiss on his lips. "So, are you feeling more relaxed?"

"I am," Chris nodded before letting out a sigh. "I'm sorry I've been so stressed out lately. I just want this whole thing to go well."

"And it is," I repeated my earlier assurance. "So far you've had a great reaction."

"For now," he frowned. "I just want people to actually use it and get involved."

"They will," I assured him, leaning in for another kiss. "Have I told you how proud I am of you? You're doing such a great thing, using your influence to try and make a difference. It's very inspiring."

"Well, I think you're too kind," he told me, trying to be humble despite the proud grin on his face. "Really, it's the least I can do."

"Nope, the least you could do is nothing," I pointed out. "But you're trying to help people and I'm so proud of you for that. I'm grateful that Grayson has a dad like you to look up to."

It appeared - for a brief moment - that Chris' eyes grew a little bit glassy, but he blinked a few times and they were clear once again.

"Thanks, Winnie." He paused to clear his throat. "That really means a lot and I'm sorry I've been so busy this week. I have one more podcast interview to do tomorrow morning and then I have a few days off."

"I'm glad you'll get a break, but you don't need to be sorry," I assured him. "Even though it has been kinda weird. It's crazy that a few months ago, we only ever saw each other in passing, but now I miss you when you're busy for even a few hours."

It was true. I had missed him the last few days and it did seem ridiculous when we used to go weeks without seeing each other and even then it was just briefly at a pick up or drop off. I'd been spoiled the last few months, having so much of his time. Now, seeing him every day wasn't even enough if I didn't have much of his undivided attention.

A brief flash of dread tore through me as I shared that thought with Chris because I knew this would all come to an end some day. We couldn't stay locked away in his house forever, eventually we would both have to go back to work and I knew it would make things harder. Some people found that the intense quality time was testing their relationship, but I was worried that we'd start to crumble as soon as we weren't together almost twenty-four hours a day. Once the world of Hollywood got it's claws back in Chris, I couldn't help but wonder where that would leave me.

But as always when those thoughts filled my mind, I did my best to push them away. It was likely still months before anything would change so there was no point in stressing about it now and Chris chuckled, bringing me back to the moment.

"Awe, you’ve missed me?"

His words were accompanied by a cocky smirk and I smiled despite my rolling eyes.

"Shut up."

"It's sweet. I never thought you'd be a clingy kinda girlfriend."

I wrinkled my nose in displeasure at that thought and shook my head.

"I'm not clingy!"

"Kinda sounds like you are," he pointed out. "Can't even get through a work day without pining for me."

"I wasn't pining!" I huffed, but he continued insisting that it seemed like I was. "Well, I was just about to suggest we get out of this bath, but now I think maybe you don't deserve what I was thinking of doing next."

"Get out? You just got in," Chris pointed out with a raised eyebrow. "What else have you got planned?"

Now it was my turn to smirk as I rested my hands on the side of the tub before pushing up until I was standing in front of him.

"A little extra relaxation," I told him, deliberately keeping it vague. "But I guess now, you'll never know."

I stepped out of the tub and grabbed my towel. With one last glance back at Chris who was still sitting in the bath, looking a mix of surprised and intrigued, I wrapped the towel around myself and left the bathroom - making sure to sway my hips a little more than usual on my way out.

I heard the water slosh as Chris leapt up to follow me and he appeared in the bedroom - towel around his waist and water dripping to the floor - moments later.

"Chris!" I laughed. "You're getting the floor all wet!"

"So are you," he pointed out. "But I don't care."

I hardly had time to take in his words before he strode swiftly across the room and pulled me against his chest. His hands gripped my hips so tightly that it undid my towel and he moved just briefly enough for it to fall to the floor. Once that was out of the way, he captured my lips in a kiss so fierce it made my breath catch in my chest.

I indulged for a moment, enjoying the feel of his hands roaming by body as his lips worked against mine, but then I remembered who this evening was supposed to be about. I pulled back slightly, just enough to trail my lips across his jaw and locked them onto a spot just below his ear as my hands moved to the towel around his waist. I could feel a slight bulge pressing against me - he wasn't hard yet, but it was clear that the anticipation was having an effect on him - and I untucked the towel and let it fall down with mine to give me easier access.

I heard Chris take in a shaky breath and felt him tighten his grip on me as I took him in my hand. Smiling against his skin and enjoying his little reactions, I stroked him until he was thick and full from my touch.

"Get on the bed."

Chris' tone was demanding and there was definitely a part of me that wanted to follow his instructions, but I resisted and moved my face away from where it was buried in his neck, shaking my head.

"No, this is all about you," I reminded him. "You need to relax."

He voiced a few protests as I kissed my way down his chest, but he fell silent as I dropped to my knees in front of him. His hands were clenched in fists by his side while I continued to gently stroke him, placing soft kisses on the top of his thigh, but when my kisses moved closer until my lips landed on his cock, his hands shot to grip in my hair. He wasn't forcing anything or trying to control my movements, but the sense of control that action gave him was something I knew he enjoyed and I smiled before getting down to business.

I licked him slowly from base to tip, making him shudder as I took him into my mouth. His hips twitched, pushing farther in and I did my best to accommodate him. Letting him slide slowly over my tongue, I stretched my jaw to get my mouth around his thick shaft. He always felt big - he was big - but this action made it even more apparent and I took as much of him as I could before sliding back up his cock.

Pausing for a moment to suck at the tip, I used my hand to stroke him as I lifted my eyes to look up at his face. His hand gripped my hair tighter as he threw his head back briefly, then returned his gaze to me and met my eyes. I smiled around his cock before letting my lips move farther down, taking him back in my mouth. Not feeling completely confident in my ability to deep throat someone of his size, I used my hand to cover the base and began to bob my head with renewed enthusiasm, spurred on by all the sighs and groans that were falling from his lips.

I could feel myself growing wet. His reactions, the position we were in, the slight tug of my hair - it was all overwhelming me and increasing the temptation to let him fall from my mouth, push him onto the bed and ride him until we both couldn't take it anymore, but I tried to stay focused as I worked his cock.

After a few minutes, I could tell he was getting close as his grip on my head began leading me more and more, a sign his self control was waning. That only spurred me on, but as his breathing shifted until he was practically panting and I could feel his thigh muscles tensing where my hand was resting, I heard a sound that would kill any mood.

"Mama!"

Grayson's voice floated down the stairs. It was distant and quiet, but enough to make my blood run cold as I instantly pulled my mouth off Chris.

"Fuck," Chris groaned, a pained look on his face as I shot up from where I was kneeling. "Fuck, that kid has bad timing."

Gray called for me again, sounding slightly closer than he had before and I threw on one of Chris' shirts that was crumpled up on the bed. Luckily, it fit me like a dress and covered everything that needed to be covered.

"I'm so sorry, babe," I flashed him an apologetic look. "I'll take care of him and you can take care of that."

I gestured to his still very hard and throbbing cock and the poor man looked like he wanted to cry as I hurried out of the room.

Turns out, Grayson was just thirsty so after a quick drink of water, I tucked him back into bed. By the time I returned to our bedroom, Chris was fast asleep as he lay sprawled out, still naked on top of the duvet. It looked as if he had just collapsed onto the bed and even though he was asleep, his face still showed his exhaustion. I felt a flash of sympathy as I pulled the blanket off the back of the chair in the corner of the room and covered him up with it, placing a soft kiss on his forehead before climbing in to my side of the bed.

-

August

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