#they acted so upset last summer over me leaving for a month so what the fuck.

[theevilicecreamsoda]

Fucking tired today

[alchemistc]

911 was always in my periphery bc of how popular Buck x Eddie is on Tumblr and Ao3. I didn't really want to watch a cable network procedural drama, especially one that came off as so unserious. I could also see how such invested shipping by a lot of fans who are young and think it’s ok to demand things from the cast and crew would inevitably become a toxic cesspool. I stand by that assessment of the show based on the behavior of the fandom these last months, as well as the overall quality of the writing and how often good story lines just get dropped or undermined.

However, I heard about Buck coming out. Over the summer, I was going through a lot and feeling aimless, so I finally started watching the show. And I liked Buck and Tommy, but what I really loved was the quality of the fan works they inspired. At the end of the day, I never really had real expectations of high quality television from a show like 911; that’s not what it’s for.

Despite this, what really affected me last night—which was also the first episode I bothered watching live ever because of how terrible this last week has been—wasn’t even how badly it was executed or the fact that they broke up. But how unnecessarily and viciously cruel the whole thing felt?

What was the point of showing Tommy as a caring, supportive, present partner in the previous episode if it was going to lead to an unceremonious break up? What was the point of showing his yearning for connection and family only to see him throw it all away? Why have him say such wonderful things about Buck moments before questioning the commitment of their relationship after six months together? What was the point of Buck getting that speech from Josh and bringing up marriage and moving in together and that Tommy had been a transformative relationship when it was going to end with him being dumped? It just felt so horribly cruel to see a character bare his tender heart and see it get stomped on. He looked so sad at the end.

Up till the very end of the episode, I was actually really enjoying it. Their acting was so good from heart eyes to heartbreak, and the show seemed to understand Tommy’s reaction to Buck getting hit on by those women would cause friction. It even made sense to me that Tommy would recoil at the prospect of moving in together because Buck clearly hasn’t come to terms with being queer yet (sir, you haven’t researched the Kinsey scale? You?) And Tommy is also clearly afraid to reach for the connections he wants and the seeming inevitability of his heart being broken and is masking that with nonsense about Buck needing to play the field and the biphobia present wherein. It was such an interesting depth to his character! I thought the break up speech was so well-acted, and I was so ready for the conversation they were going to have that would address it and let them move on together stronger. To see Buck learn from Josh and see the scars Tommy was unintentionally revealing in that moment and address them.

And then the credits started rolling and I felt like I got punched in the gut.

It was definitely the straw that broke the camel’s back for me, with the election and other personal stuff really stressing me out this week. Last night, I felt sick and unable to sleep, and I spent the morning bawling my eyes out. It feels like one of the few things I really looked forward to had been snatched away for the shock factor. I believe the interviews are the definite death knell, but even if you don’t follow the interviews, it was just a cruel way to end the episode. Even if this ends up being a temporary roadblock or they “fix” it, it’ll always leave a bad taste in my mouth.

Anyway, I’m upset that I let a show I always knew wasn’t very good affect me this much, and I regret spending months of my life on it. But the reason I wanted to send this ask was because my real hyperfixation these last few months was never the show itself; it was always the Bucktommy fandom. Reading some of the most beautiful fanfiction, including yours, these deep and intense character studies or au’s or future fics that show more love to these characters than the show does. The stunning art, the lovingly rendered gifs, the startlingly funny and insightful writing. The fandom has been my real love, and I hope that despite this huge blow, people like you will continue being so immensely creative and artistic for this ship.

I’m sorry this has been so long and vent-y, but I wanted to send you this ask because you’re one of my favorite fic authors, and I’ve been following your posts since last night and you’re still responding to anonymous asks. I’ve always been stealth in the fandom to avoid certain parts of it, so didn’t want this on my own blog. If you do publish it, I hope the other authors and artists and creators who have made my life better get to see it too <3 And that they don’t regret the time and passion and love they’ve poured into the last few months. I have appreciated it, if nothing else.

Hi.

First of all, please don't apologize for the length of this.

Everything you pointed out were exactly the reasons people joined this fandom. Everything you listed here is EXACTLY the reason it left such a bad taste in our mouth.

I'm sorry I won't be more eloquent in this post, because this is such a kind and thoughtful and lovely summation of all the things I've been hearing and seeing and feeling.

The point of all that, if we are to believe Lou (which I do, and honestly props to him for being as gracious as he was in those post-mortems: fucking TWO exit interviews for a guest star? wtf abc), WAS to pull the rug out from under the audience. It WAS to end it all on a shocker of heartbreak. They filmed the bulk of Tommy's S8 scenes AFTER the breakup. It is absolutely vicious and cruel and meant to make people talk about it. The engagement they are getting right now is to some extent WHAT THEY WANTED. I went straight to my notes after work and I can't be fucked to check the insta or FB to see if they've posted anything new and/or what the comment count is on the 8x06 posts but THIS IS THE INTENDED RESULT. Broken hearts, upset people, an increasingly toxic fandom crowing.

That's where I'm at. I think that's where a lot of people have landed. And it's so disheartening to see something that really genuinely drew people in because it was handled so gently and kindly at first just be ripped away and the door shut on it.

And honestly if they close the mid season OR open or close 8B on a premise that includes one of them being injured and the other having a Realization™️ I won't trust this team to do it genuinely or truly. Even the breakup would have held so much potential for me, but not like this.

Anyway. I'm sorry you're feeling so disappointed. I am grieving the missed potential of literally every plot they built up this season for every character and if I do watch it won't be live and I will likely have very little trust for it's potential. There has been So Much wasted potential.

And I want to say thank you. Even if you lurked, even if you disengage now, the creators who made those works made them out of love and they wanted to share them and the community around it all has been lovely to see. Thank you.

Some of us will still be hanging around building the world that could have been. I hope, if you feel up to peeking at that sandbox, that you feel welcome to go play in it or even just clap from the sidelines.

♥️

[razrbladekiss]

TOLERATE IT | Joel Miller

SUMMARY: an argument with joel doesn’t end the way that you think it will.

PAIRING: joel miller x afab!reader. (established relationship)

WARNINGS: very short piece. angsty argument so if u do nawt want to read, then skip <3. i’m in the middle of an argument with my bf and instead of feeding into it, i have immortalized it into my writing 😊 sorry joel for being my proverbial punching bag ! maybe ill make a part two if we ever make up LOL.

Fat tears spill over the swollen apples of your cheeks faster than you can wipe them away with the already much-too-wet sleeve of your sweatshirt, and the room starts to spin.

Your face is damp with salty—bittersweet—upset, and a splitting migraine is beginning to fester away at the inside of your fucking brain.

“You can’t keep doing this.” Joel stands with both hands on his hips while you’re sat cross-legged on the couch, a cushion sat plump in your lap. “Can’t keep cryin’ whenever we have an argument—“

“But you’ve upset me, Joel!” Almost incoherently, you blabber. “You can’t expect me to be cool with the fact that you were flirting with some—some skank last night!”

He drags his left hand over his face. Joel exerts an exasperated sigh. He doesn’t know how many more hours he can argue with you about this, before he says something that he’s going to regret.

“I know. I was wrong, and I shouldn’t have done it—but why the fuck are you still crying?!” Joel barks. “It’s been hours, baby! Can’t we move past this—“

“No! We can’t!” Scraping your hand across your eyes—all tears immediately drying up—you stand to attention. You smack the pillow onto the couch in complete and utter fucking fury. “It’s been four years of us, Joel. Four fucking years that I thought we were happy—but apparnelty you’re not! Are you bored of me, or something?!”

“No!” Defensively, he exclaims. He’s just as annoyed as you, now. Though he has no place to be. “I don’t know what came over me—“

“Four years. Forty-Eight months I’ve spent being by your side—completely faithful—and you think it’s okay to just fuck around on me?!”

“I’m not fuckin’ around on you!” Mood—and tone—matching, he counters. “I love you. But I was hammered last night—“

I was hammered. I wasn’t thinking straight. I don’t know what came over me.

BULLSHIT. You’ve heard it all before and, frankly, you’re sick of it. The excuses, the lies…Dating a prolific man-whore isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be, actually.

“You need to get your act together.” With a shaking hand, you point at him. Your finger is trembling against his flannel. “If you want this to work, then you’ll stop lying to me—“

“I’m. Not. Fucking. Lying.” Through gritted teeth, he says.

Joel has confessed his wrongdoings, but it’s not enough. To you, he owes you more than just an explanation.

“I don’t believe you.” Devoid of any emotion—any feeling—you state. “You told me that you were going to Tommy’s last night to watch the Cowboys game. But Tommy came here at six o’clock asking for you, and said that they weren’t even fucking set to play! You’re a fucking liar, Joel!”

He backs away with both hands up, completely defeated. You’re tenacious, when you want to be. Sanctimonious. He knows he’ll never win an argument, so he walks away to leave you alone with time to cool off.

But to you—to most people—that’s him giving up.

Joel takes the keys to his truck from the fruit bowl beside the front door, grabs his jacket and unlocks the front door.

He turns to you without even so much as a smile. “Call me when you’re ready to have an adult fucking conversation.”

Joel slams shut the door and you begin to fume all over again. To your left is a picture of the two of you last summer—when you were happy and carefree in Mykonos—and you know that it won’t do anything to help the issue, but you grab it. With a firm hand, you launch it at the door.

Fragments of glass shatter against the door, the floor and fly across the room in every which direction perfectly depicting the current state of your heart after Joel started to break it.

Your eyes are streaming again, hearing his truck peel away from the sidewalk and to god-knows fucking where.

But there’s no use in crying over him anymore. You just need to tolerate it. Tolerate this. Because Joel knows it’ll take more than an “I’m sorry” to really make it up to you.

[stars4gojo]

Paper rings 

I’m with you even if it makes you blue

Gojo x Fem! Reader // progression of their relationship, fluff, maybe some angst? Gojo and reader parent Megumi & Tsumiki together // 1.6k words 

3 times you asked Gojo to marry you and the one time he asked you.

More of my work🩷

Gojo Satoru, an incredibly familiar name to you ever since you were a child. He was the notorious loud boy who ran around in the park as if he owned it when you were 6. Growing up in the same neighbourhood as him was not easy, he was boisterous, loud and selfish; always acting as if he owned the slide demanding a password for anyone who wanted to play on it. You deemed yourself to be brave when you first approached the boy, being persistent about forming a friendship with him despite his efforts to avoid you, claiming that girls have ‘cooties.’ Unfortunately for him you weren’t one to give up, you had taken a liking towards the spoiled boy others in the neighbourhood feared, taking even Gojo himself by surprise. 

The first time you had asked Gojo to marry you was a subtle evening in summer. It was the last week before summer break started, you would be leaving to visit your grandparents throughout the summer like usual. 

“Will you miss me Toru?” You questioned him while sucking on the bright blue popsicle which was dripping everywhere due to the unendurable heat. 

“Huh? I won’t miss you and what’s with the nickname I told you to not call me that..” He replied, almost mumbling the last part as his rosy cheeks lit up in embarrassment due to the nickname.

“Well I’m going to miss you. You know I won’t be here for all three months Toru.” You added ignoring his wishes to not use that nickname.

“But you’re coming back right?” He questioned with the rosy tint not leaving his cheeks. 

“Of course! I would never leave you, I’m going to marry you so I can’t leave just yet.” You replied while little giggles escaped your mouth.

“You’re going to marry me…?” He questioned back.

“Yes I will.” You spoke with utter certainty as if he had no say in who he would marry. 

“I’d like to see you try…Race you back to the park!” He added while suddenly getting up on his feet and running away.

“Hey! No fair!” You called back as your tiny legs chased after him. 

—

The second time it happened was when you two were in middle school, now too old to play pirates in the local park. You got into the habit of taking walks around the area and watching the younger children play. 

It was the night before the first day of middle school, all sorts of emotions of anxiety and excitement going through your mind.

“Middle school huh?” Gojo started.

No response from you.

“You don’t look too excited.” He added while scratching the back of his head awkwardly. 

And to no surprise there was no response from you causing him to snap his fingers infront of your face waking you up.

“What are you thinking about?” He questioned softly unlike his usual character. 

“Just wondering about what you said…” you replied silently. 

“We’re gonna be in different classes this year.” You added while sighing in disappointment.

“Oh cmon we don’t know that yet I can’t believe you’re so upset over that, I thought something serious happened!” Gojo shouted back almost in relief.

“It is serious!!” You fought back, “Being in different classes means that we won’t ever be paired up for like anything and then you won’t ever have the time for me and then we won’t spend any time together which means I can’t marry you!” You huffed in frustration crossing your arms around your chest while a pout formed on your lips.

You couldn’t dare to turn around to look at Gojo after your daring confession.

“WHAT!” He shouted back after a moment of silence and you finally turned towards him.

“Yo- you’re crazy! No way in hell I’m going to marry you.” He stuttered back while the familiar red tint covered his face. 

“Whatever…” you huffed out.

“Let’s just go home…you need food! Right that’s what you need to stop saying such nonsense.” He spoke quickly in embarrassment as he held your hand and started dragging you to the corner shop with him to buy you that same blue popsicle you’ve been having since you were 6. 

You two ended up being in the same classes for the next three years still being known as the most inseparable duo that walked in your small town. 

—

The final time you had to asked Gojo to marry you was right before high school.  You always knew Gojo’s little secret about him being a jujutsu sorcerer, truth is you were from a family of them as well. But you never had any passion of continuing practicing jujutsu unlike Gojo who was destined to grow up to be the strongest sorcerer to exist. 

You had refused to go to your grandparents this summer so you and Gojo could spend your first and last summer together. 

It was 2:43 AM and the two of you were sprawled over your bed. 

High school was starting in a week but Gojo was leaving early to go to his special jujutsu high school. 

“Can’t believe summer is already over.” You started while munching on the leftover pizza from a few hours ago as Gojo hummed in acknowledgment. 

“Can’t believe you’re leaving too.” You sighed as you sat up, trying to bring up the topic the two of you have been desperately avoiding. 

“I’m just going to Tokyo won’t forget you or anything.” He mumbled back.

“You won’t know that unless you actually go there.” You harshly grumbled under your breath causing Gojo erupt in a small fit of laughter.

“You think I’ll find better friends or what?” He asked in between laughing as you smacked him on his chest.

“You’re all I have here Toru this isn’t funny.” You rolled your eyes at how unserious he was being.

“You have Hana from across the street.” He replied back purposely naming the girl who you hated the most as you whined in disapproval. 

“You know Toru?” You started as he hummed again, “you should marry me.”

“What?” He replied in surprise. 

“If you marry me you won’t have to go to that stupid high school and I’m from a family of jujutsu sorcerers and your mom definitely loves me so then there’s nothing to worry about.” You spoke but had no actual confidence in your words.

“I can’t just marry you like that.” He spoke in slight disbelief as his eyebrows raised.

“So this is it then?” You sighed in disappointment. 

“No it isn’t I told you I’m not dying I’m just moving to another city! You can come visit anytime!” Gojo spoke in slight frustration. 

“Okay! Okay! I got it!” You shouted back defeatedly as you raised your hands in the air. 

“Promise you won’t forget me?” You added as you put your pinky out.

“You’re gonna make me make a pinky promise?” He deadpanned.

“Yes I will now quick do it!” You giggled back.

“So bossy…” he mumbled under his breath but nonetheless he stuck out his pinky, promising you that he would always remember you. 

— 

Now it’s been 5 years since that interaction, Gojo had not broken that promise only because you took it upon yourself to not let him go - moving with him to Tokyo and joining jujutsu high. 

He thought you were crazy when you jumped on the same train as him the next morning but now he thanks you everyday for making such a spontaneous decision. 

You two now share a home with two children who walk around like they own the place. 

The two of you are currently on a walk home after another dinner date. Gojo has been insisting on taking you on dates to fancy restaurants for the past couple of weeks but whenever you two actually sit down for the date he seems distracted as if he’s hiding secrets that he desperately wants to say but can’t.

“I liked the restaurant from last week better.” You mumbled breaking the exhausting silence that has taken over you two for the entire night. 

And to no surprise there was no reply from him.

“Toru!!” You shouted as he snapped back in to reality. 

“W-what? Why are you screaming?” He questions in surprise.

“Nothing…” you spoke defeatedly. 

“I’m cold Toru.” You started again as the winter breeze became stronger. 

“I told you to bring your jacket you can’t have mine tonight.” He replied as he continued walking.

You knew it was silly to get upset over this, it’s only just a jacket. But it’s not just that, the mumbles under his breath and just how lost he is with you now is just making you question the relationship.

So you stop walking, waiting for him to notice you are no longer with him but he still keeps walking without turning back. 

“Toru!!” You called out as he turned around in shock. 

“What are you doing so far back?” He spoke softly slowly walking towards you taking your hand into his, to which you slyly took advantage of as you put your hand in his pocket where you felt a small velvet box, taking it out of his pocket in surprise. 

“What’s this Toru?” You questioned as your eyebrows furrowed.

The way he turned around to see you was almost comical. 

“Give that back!” He shouted while snatching it from your hand and shoving it back in the pocket as a big smile rolled across your lips.

“Oh my god Toru I can’t believe you! Is this what all the fancy dates were about?” You hummed out. 

“It was supposed to be a surprise.” He mumbled as he looked down. 

“Can you believe I thought you were gonna break up with me?” You added as a little laugh slipped.

“Let’s go home Toru” 

Only to your surprise your boyfriend was no longer walking next to you, turning around only to see him on his knee.   

—

Honestly really proud of this one hope you guys enjoy it🤍

Requests are open btw feel free to send anything through but keep it all appropriate.

[undergaunts]

Call Me Baby (Chapter 2) (Chapter 1 here)

Sebastian Sallow x Ominis Gaunt (Modern!AU)

Summary: The text chat logs between Sebastian Sallow and Ominis Gaunt during their 6th and 7th year at Hogwarts. (or Sebastian and Ominis can't bear to be apart for longer than 5 minutes, so spend their entire summer, winter and spring breaks texting and calling each other)

Rating: Teen & Up (this will go up in the next chapter!)

Word count: 6.4k

Recommended to read on AO3 as the layout is better but it’s also below the cut <3

SUMMER

July 1st, 6:14pm

sebastian changed their name to ss

July 2nd, 10:02am

Ominis

Hello Sebastian. I just wanted to let you know I have one of your books. You’d left it in Transfiguration so Professor Weasley gave it to me. I tried to tell her but she wouldn’t listen. I’ll pass it on to Anne when we get back to school. 

From anne ^_^ to Ominis

July 4th, 11:07am

anne ^_^

has he responded yet? 

Ominis

No. I’m not surprised.

anne ^_^

to be honest me neither.

he’s such an idiot, I’m sorry. 

Ominis

It isn’t your fault, Anne. We both know how he can be when he’s upset. 

anne ^_^

yeah but to go like, what, 3 months now? hardly talking to you is SO weird.

he gets annoyed and is super stubborn a lot but to go this long being the way he is is just off

Ominis

It is how it is, I suppose. I can only see that he felt we were pushing boundaries too far and had to take a step back.

anne ^_^

but not like this, and what do you mean? 

Ominis

After we changed our display names, apparently several of our classmates contacted him asking if we were dating, or assuming we were. We do - did - spend a lot of time together, but the name change was purely a joke. I think it may have had more consequences than expected for Sebastian. 

anne ^_^

but he was the one who told you to do it, no?

Ominis

Yes.

anne ^_^

so why was it too far?

Ominis

I think it was more the questions of us being a couple. It’s a preposterous idea but if pushed too far, some people may believe it and unfortunately people did. I think he’s really just wanted to distance himself from me to prove it wasn’t true. 

anne ^_^

hmm. i just can’t see that being the issue though

he’s always been so touchy feely with you, just changing your names and having people ask if you’re dating doesn’t seem like something he’d just stop being your friend over.

and you never argued?

Ominis

Oh, we argued. A fair amount. But not recent to our last conversation. 

anne ^_^

and he didnt say anything to you over the phone or anything?

Ominis

No. Truly, Anne, I believe my theory wholeheartedly. And it’s fine. I still have you. I hope, at least. 

anne ^_^

oh ominis, always!

but he’s been really cold to me too, so i think there’s more going on. I’m certain it’s not just what you think. give me a couple days to try and speak to him, ok?

let me know if you want to talk at any point <3

Ominis

Of course. Thank you :)

from anne ^_^ to ss

July 5th, 11:15am

anne ^_^

where r u?

ss

dw

anne ^_^ 

smh where r u

ss

why?

anne ^_^

ffs seb

do i need to ask a third time

ss

on a walk it’s a nice day

anne ^_^

ok but where

ss

gods anne do u want me to just send my location or something ?!

anne ^_^

please

ss

really?? look i just want to be alone today ok

anne ^_^

uve wanted to be alone everyday for like 3 months

ss

im good company, what can i say

anne ^_^

not the way uve been moping about ur not. me and ominis r really worried abt u

ss

whats he got to do with it?

anne ^_^

everything???? he’s ur best friend and suddenly u act like u wld rather try to tame 50 graphorns at once than be around him.

look we r just worried ok? just want to know whats going on

ss 

anne im fine. look im just trying to come to terms with some things and id rather do it alone

anne ^_^

what? ur dramatic ass honestly

like what?

ss

like leaving hogwarts next year 

and stuff

anne ^_^

so u ignore ur favourite thing about it ?!

ss

what? hes not

there r other things i like way more than him

anne ^_^

such as ???!!

since the moment u met ominis u havent shut up about him, u used to wake up everyday at school and the first thing u would do would be go and wake him up because u didnt want to do anything without him

i mean just this last year u spent 24/7 with him at hogwarts and then u get home aND CONTINUE TO TALK TO HIM 24/7

and i know u didnt have an argument or anything, all that happened was that people thought u were dating for like 5 minutes and then u stop talking 

like if it wasn’t so insane to suggest id swear u were in love with him and people worked it out before u which made u work it out so now u cant deal with being around him and dont want to talk to anyone in case they mention him LOL

11:51am

anne ^_^

seb

12:07

anne ^_^

seb

12:12

anne ^_^

seb

ss

:/

anne ^_^

??

ss

…

anne ^_^

what?

ss

…

anne ^_^

WHAT?

oh

oh seb

im sorry i didnt mean to laugh i really didnt think

oh please come back home :( or at least tell me where u r. i dont wanna do this over text :(

ss

id much rather text, i think i would cry in person

anne ^_^

:( ok

im really sorry, i wish u wouldve told me

i knew u loved him i just didnt realise in that way

i mean ok maybe i sort of did if i guessed that but Gods seb :(

ss

yeah i guess everyone sort of knew before me then? which has been the craziest thing

when everyone was sending me messages asking if we were dating i was so confused cos the whole name thing was clearly a joke, then it hit me like a tonne of bricks and i realised it just wasn’t. i dont think it’s ever been a joke. like ive told people no no it was a joke stop acting weird

but the only one acting weird is me

anne ^_^

seb :(

i cant imagine how uve been feeling

i wish u wouldve told me at least, even if u werent totally sure i could’ve helped, i couldve still supported u

ss

im sorry, genuinely, its just been hard

i mean i assumed i only liked girls for my whole life, and i do, i think they’re pretty and stuff but then i realised every girl ive ever dated ive ditched to be with him? and when i have gone on a date ive just talked about him.

all i do is think about him

ive kept rereading our texts and merlin all i do is flirt, badly but still

it’s just so stupid 

fuck sorry it’s all sort of just coming out

anne ^_^

literally

ss

huh

anne ^_^

coming out, literally

ss

oh 

LMAO thanks i laughed out loud for probs the first time in months

anne ^_^

:D

sorry haha i didn’t mean to cut u off please continue

ss

no it’s ok

hes my best friend and ive ruined it by being in love, and then ive ruined it even more by just not talking to him. ugh I just...what do i even do? u kno he messaged me the other day and it made me cry. i was sitting on a rock by the lake crying like a loser. like wtf. i still haven’t replied

anne ^_^

i think he just wants u back. he really misses u. honestly he won’t admit it because hes sort of just accepted u hate him 

and u know how proper he is haha but he’s devastated

ss

u think?

anne ^_^

r u dumb?

don’t answer tht. of course he is. ur literally his best friend. his entire world. he loves u

it might not be in the way u want but he would die for u I reckon. PLEASE talk to him :( Ik it’s going to be hard but ur best friends at the end of the day, to throw it all away would be silly

ss

i know ur right. if i reply to him i might vomit

anne ^_^

worth it please?

ss

let me think. but i probably will at some point. ur right. he is my best friend first

gods im sorry

anne ^_^

don’t need to apologise to me but i think u should apologise to him

ss

yeah i will

thank u

anne ^_^

love u. come back home ??

ss

love u 2. i will soon

anne ^_^

<3

From anne ^_^ to Ominis

July 5th 2:43pm

anne ^_^

hey 

so news - he’s ok, he’s just dumb. he’s gonna message you soon

Ominis

Just dumb? I’m not sure I know what you mean. But I’m glad he’s well. 

anne ^_^

ah i’m not sure how i could explain it. it’s not really my thing to explain, but hopefully he will. well, he better or I’ll whack him over the head

Ominis

Could you do that anyway?

anne ^_^

LOL tempting

Ominis

Well thank you Anne.  I’m glad you got to the bottom of it, even if you won’t tell me!

anne ^_^

promise he will, one way or another. either he will or ive got a good sized book on magical beasts that might get his brain into working order 

Ominis

Haha. I shall look out for his message then. Thank you again. 

anne ^_^

no problem. speak soon :)

From Ominis to ss

July 2nd, 10:02am

Ominis

Hello Sebastian. I just wanted to let you know I have one of your books. You’d left it in Transfiguration so Professor Weasley gave it to me. I tried to tell her but she wouldn’t listen. I’ll pass it on to Anne when we get back to school. 

July 6th, 4:37am

ss

hi thank you that means a lot

sorry i didnt respond sooner

u can pass it on to me if it’s easier

<3

haha

8:45am

Ominis

Good morning Sebastian. I think I shall do that then. Thank you. 

9:23am

ss

kewl. sweet. sounds good

9:28am

ss

so are you

how have you

look im really sorry for acting the way i did recently. i know it probably seemed like i was angry at u but I wasnt, i was just going through something and i got a bit weird. but ive realised im stupid and im so sorry

i understand if u don’t want to talk to me anymore. i really do miss you. cutting you out like that was really horrible. ur my best friend and im really sorry :(

Ominis

I wish you would’ve spoken to me, Sebastian. If you were going through something - whatever it is - you know I’m here for you. Just like you’ve always been there for me. We can still speak about it, if you would like, but there’s no pressure. You don’t need to apologise. But I would like to go back to how things were, if possible? 

And you are also my best friend, by the way. You know I’m not one for sentimentality, but it’s true. 

ss

:’)

im honoured

sentimentominis haha

it’s really not important, im over it now

ok not really but

i would love to go back to how it was

but I love.

would u hate me if.

ive really missed u dude 

Ominis

And I you. Let’s put it behind us. But only if you promise not to shut me out again like that. Agreed?

ss

agreed :D

July 8th, 10:52am

ss

morning :)

Ominis

Good morning. 

ss

how u?

Ominis

Well. My mother, father and sister had gone to visit my brother for a fortnight, so I have the entire place to myself for the next five days. How are you?

ss

im good :) that’s cool haha why didnt u get dragged along?

Ominis

They left just before I returned from Hogwarts, thankfully. I may actually use their absence to my advantage this afternoon and choose a book from my father’s study. I’m not often allowed in there you see. 

ss

damn u sooooo rebellious 

well i guess u acc r with not being a bigot and stuff lol.

but i go looking for treasure in catacombs in the middle of the night and u go borrow a book from ur dad

Ominis

One must start somewhere. With your influence I may start a criminal trading ring. 

ss

wht wld u trade?

Ominis

Books, of course. The first book traded will be the one I pilfer from my father. The rest will then follow. 

ss

can i join?

Ominis

You’re my partner in this, so of course.

ss 

what kind of partner?

of course, travelling all over the country

Ominis

All over the world. On the run, mostly from my father for stealing that first book, but from all of the people we’ve swindled as well. It’s just the two of us, versus everyone else. 

ss

gods i love

Haha r u drunk?

Ominis

No. It seems like I should be though, doesn’t it?

ss

yes lol

so if ur home alone

ok crazy question, ik what ur probably gonna say but ill ask anyway - if ur on ur own why don’t i come over?

i mean i don’t have to come to the mAnOr but maybe we could walk around ur village or smth

it cant be that bad can it lol, i don’t have to stay over or anything, just might be nice to see u :)

Ominis

I’d like that. 

ss

really???? sure????????

Ominis

My house isn’t the nicest, I must forewarn you. It’s very old and rather grim and I’m certain is falling apart in places. It might be better to stay away from it, but I could probably at least show you the outside. 

ss

don’t care, have you seen mine lmao, me and anne literally had to nail the window closed because it just wouldn’t shut. trust me idc

Ominis

Mine may be worse than that. How does tomorrow around eleven sound?

ss

:D, yes perfect can’t wait 

Ominis

Wonderful. I look forward to it. 

July 9th, 11:43pm

ss

ik ur probably asleep but i just wanted to say i had so much fun today. ur house is so big haha im not susprised u used to get lost as a kid. but thank u for letting me see it and see u mostly

sleep well baby boy :)

July 12th, 5:18am

ss changed their display name to SEB!

SEB!

gmornin

9:22am

Ominis

Good morning. Did you sleep well? You were up early. 

SEB! 

kinda, someone has a rooster in the village so it woke me up bright and early lol there’s already plans to start a riot i think

Ominis

Well we can’t have that. Sebastian Sallow needs his beauty sleep. 

SEB!

oh you think im. so you do think im

im slowly growing uglier day by day as the rooster grows stronger, feeding off my youth 

Ominis

Ah, I actually don’t think it’s possible, your beauty is eternal, you see, but without any sleep you will not have the strength to fight back against the evil rooster and prevent it from world domination. 

SEB!

fuck so you do think im

swear ur drunk again haha

Ominis

I think it’s the fact I’m not having to deal with my mother and father, combined with the varying chemicals I’m certain are in the water here that are getting me ‘high’. 

SEB!

oh jeez haha srs? maybe u should come stay with me again then

Ominis

No. Well, there could be, but I don’t think that’s why I’m acting strange. I think I’m just happy to be talking to you again, in all honesty. :)

SEB!

i

ur

:)

what happened to Mr I’m-Not-One-For-Sentimentality?

Ominis

It seems I’ve grown soft, doesn’t it?

SEB!

is there another reason other than just

yea it’s weird!!

Ominis

I shall stop then. 

SEB!

no i love

no i like this Ominis :)

Ominis

If you’re sure. 

SEB!

totally, but i wasnt joking about u coming to stay again. could come stay the last 2 weeks again if u wanted

or even longer, up to u

Ominis

I’ll ask my father. But I would like that. I enjoyed last year, a lot. 

SEB!

me too, and this is our last summer at school so we should make the most of it!

Ominis

You’re right. I’ll see what I can do. 

SEB!

lmk wen u kno

Ominis

Will do. <3

SEB!

<3

<3

fuck

<3

July 16th, 10:32pm

Ominis

Would you like hear about my horrendous day?

SEB!

do tell. hold on

10:37pm

SEB!

ok, i have a cup of tea and some biscuits so im ready to listen lol

Ominis

I was very rudely awoken this morning by my sister, rather than the usual house elf, and ushered downstairs to where my entire family were huddled in the drawing room, as if someone had passed away. You see, apparently, after someone had tipped him off, my father had found out that the girl Marvolo was to marry was not pureblood at all!

SEB!

HORSE GIRL?

whaaaat really?

Ominis

Well, according to them, not pure enough. On her Mother’s side, her great, great grandmother was actually muggle-born. Which means her great, great, great grandparents were muggles. 

SEB!

oh my hahahahahahahaah oh i bet theyr all fuming

Ominis

That’s putting it lightly. Apparently the mother had not even told her husband or daughter about this until very recently, but they were still determined to go ahead with this marriage.

Of course my father and brother were out for blood. More so than ever before. Imagine what would’ve happened if the Gaunt name was tarnished by a minuscule percentage of muggle blood! And, God forbid, if she and Marvolo had ever had children, an even smaller percentage, ruining millennia of perfection!

SEB!

oh this is brilliant, i can imagine u standing there smiling the whole time

Ominis

I certainly would’ve, however we were then rushed to Paris by floo to call the whole thing off, if you can even describe it as ‘calling it off’. I wouldn’t have wished the sounds on my worst enemy, Sebastian. 

SEB!

all 5 of u??? wtf wait what happened, sorry i thought this was a funny story

Ominis

Thankfully I didn’t have to partake in anything this time around. Not like before. My sister made sure of that, I thank the gods for her. I know my mother wasn’t happy I didn’t stay to ‘help protect the Gaunt name’ as she put it. All I know was as soon as the doors closed, I’ve never heard sounds like it. And they tried to fight back. Of course they would, they’re wizards, not muggles, they’re not as easy to break. It was horrible. I hate them, this is so fucked up. Gods. I just 

SEB!

what?

Ominis r u home? R u ok????

Ominis

I’m home now, yes. I’m sorry. Saying it out loud has made me realise just what happened. It was utterly awful. 

SEB!

can i call?

Ominis

Please. 

SEB is calling Ominis

Call accepted

Call ended, 3hr, 11min

July 17th, 1:59am

Ominis

Thank you. For staying so long. You must go rest now, especially if that rooster is still about. 

SEB!

it is still here lol but idc, i wld stay on the phone all day with u if u wanted me to, ur so so undeserving of all this shit. u have done nothing wrong ok? ever. plz dont blame urself

ur so important to me. i promise this time next year u will be out of there. i will do whatever it takes. 

ur my

ur my baby boy and i love u lots

:)

Ominis

Thank you. I’m sorry. 

Love you too. 

Sweetheart. 

:)

SEB!

<3

7:34am

SEB!

i just read those messages again, and i mean it. I love you, Ominis. Like, full homo haha

i genuinely meant it when I said I love you, did you?

i love you in a gay way btw

marry me?

im not ever going to send any of these messages so idk why im even typing

July 19th, 10:33am

Ominis

Hi. Hope you slept well. Can we call when you're available?

SEB!

ofc!!

SEB! is calling Ominis

Call accepted

Call ended, 2hr 42mins

July 20th, 11:21am

Ominis

Good morning. Are you free to talk?

SEB! 

yea !!! 

SEB! is calling Ominis

Call accepted

Call ended, 3hr, 29mins

July 21st, 12:22pm

Ominis

Call?

SEB!

<3

Ominis is calling SEB!

Call accepted

Call ended, 4hr 2min

July 22nd, 11:15am

SEB!

Call me when ur around

Ominis is calling SEB!

Call accepted

Call ended, 4hr 19min

July 23rd, 10:48am

Ominis

Up

SEB! is calling Ominis

Call accepted

Call ended, 4hr 57min

July 24th, 5:01pm

SEB!

going for a walk can call?

Ominis

Please.

SEB! is calling Ominis

Call accepted

Call ended, 5hr 51min

10:53pm

SEB!

oh damn haha new record didn’t even realise

Ominis

What?

SEB! 

we were on the phone for almost 6 hours

Ominis

Merlin, really? What on Earth do we even talk about?

SEB! 

absolutely nothing. it’s great

Ominis

At this rate we won’t have anything to talk about when we get back to Hogwarts. 

SEB!

but u know we will. we could easily break that record tomorrow 

and the day after

and the day after that

Ominis

I think you are right. It’s a wonder I’m not sick of you. 

SEB! 

i love

same here

somehow I forgot to ask but did u ask ur dad if u can come stay solomon doesn’t care, he was like ‘ur almost 18 do what u want’

Ominis

Ah, no, not yet. He and Marvolo are, well, honestly, I have no idea what they are doing. As you well know I’ve spent most of my time in my room talking to you. I’m just trying to keep out of the way as I usually do. But when I’ve tried to speak to him he has mostly brushed me off. Again, as he usually does. 

I’ll try again at some point. There’s nothing more I want to do than to come and stay with you, but you know how my family can be. 

SEB!

i

yea that’s cool dude, whenever u can, if u can

anne keeps asking me about us

anne keeps asking like when is ominis coming and im like idk lay off!! lmao

Ominis

I’m clearly a wanted man. 

SEB!

yeah i want u so bad u don’t even kno lol imagine if i sent that

it’s our last summer at school, we wanna hang out with u :)

Ominis

Soon. Promise.

SEB! 

fingers and toes and arms and legs and eyes and wands all crossed  <3

July 30th, 7:54am

Ominis

How would you feel about me staying for a month?

8:23am

SEB!

overjoyed, ecstatic, thrilled, etc etc

why?

Ominis

My father pretty much said I could come for as long as I wanted. Not in so many words, but I think he’s far too focused on other things at the moment to worry about what I’m doing with myself. 

SEB!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ominis

Are you busy this afternoon?

SEB!

NO! NOW? TODAY?

Ominis

That is what I meant by this afternoon. Would that be ok? I’d wait another day or two but I don’t think I really can. Haha. 

SEB!

please come whenever

come now !!

Ominis

Are you certain?

SEB!

Super certain. I can’t wait to see you. 

Ominis

:) I’ll pack my things. I’ll let you know when I’m coming. 

SEB!

i’ll let anne and solomon know haha brb

8:27am

SEB!

anne’s really excited!! solomon got annoyed i woke him up hahaha but he doesn’t care he’s probably gonna be off somewhere in a few days anyway so

ahhhhh this is great news to wake up to, can’t wait to see u baby boy it feels like forever. only 3 weeks but 

9:04am

Ominis

On my way Sweetheart. <3

WINTER

December 23rd, 6:33pm

SEB! changed their display name to sebauble

sebauble

hello lovely

did u get back ok?

7:04pm

Ominis

Yes, thank you. Thank you to you, Anne and Solomon for having me. I’m sorry I had to return back home so soon. I would’ve liked to have stayed for the entirety of the break and not miss Christmas with you. 

But I suppose there is New Years, at least. 

sebauble

ik :( sucks

i don’t get ur family, one year they don’t care if ur there or not the next you HAVE to come home

so strange

but yeah new years woo woo

Ominis

It’s not as if we really celebrate the holiday. There’s a meal in the evening, but we usually spend the days to ourselves, gather in silence to eat and then return to our rooms. 

It’s certainly not a traditional Christmas. 

sebauble

EXACTLY

damn gaunts bunch of weirdos haha

Ominis

Careful, I’m still a Gaunt whether I like it or not. 

sebauble

o_o

no no i like to think of u as a sallow

my husb

like my brother

LOL

Ominis

I told you, don’t call me your brother. 

Or sister, before you start. 

sebauble

fine, but ur still a sallow in my eyes

Ominis

How so? As your husband? Do I marry in to the Sallow name? Or is it just an honorary title?

sebauble

oh fuck did u

yes just marry me

merlin did u just

yes u can be my husband

hm it would solve lots of problems

no gaunt surname, no dealing with ur family, im a pureblood so they wouldn’t care, u could live here, wouldn’t have to be married off to someone you hate

what say u

marry me baby?

shit I’m only joking

no I’m not

Ominis

I thought you’d never ask! Haha. 

Or I could just marry Anne. Be a modern gentleman and take her name. 

sebauble

oh

yeah that could work too

we would have to see if she would agree though

Ominis

I’m sure she would. I’m certainly the better choice than half the boys in our year. And we are already great friends, it seems like a good match!

sebauble

please don’t be in love with my sister i would die

Is this ur way of telling me u want to date anne or something haha

Ominis

Oh absolutely not, Sebastian!

No offence to her, but Anne is not quite my type. I thought we were joking?

sebauble

thank Merlin

wait so

Haha yeah i am lol

so what is ur type then lol

i shouldn’t have sent that fuck

Ominis

Oh, er, I don’t really know. I haven’t put much thought into it. 

sebauble

just enough to know def not my sister then

lol poor Anne

Ominis

I suppose so.

sebauble

THANK FUCK

So like

if u had to date someone in our year who would it be

How do u even know what ur type is when u can’t see

Is it just personality? face feel?

you’ve felt my face before, did u like it?

Ominis

I really haven’t put much thought into it.

sebauble

ok but u must like someone right ?

or have in the past

u seem to get on with poppy quite well

and there’s that girl in 6th who is always nice to u and she’s pretty fit, kinda boring but

Ominis

Look, Sebastian, I don’t know and I don’t really want to talk about this. We haven’t before, and I don’t particularly want to start now.

sebauble

sorry

i won’t bring it up again

i was just being nosy

Ominis

Let’s just leave it. I’ve got to go for supper anyway. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. 

sebauble

im a fucking idiot

now u hate me

ok, sorry

speak tomorrow

December 24th, 1:37pm

sebauble

hellooooo

8:22pm

Ominis

Good evening. Sorry for not getting in contact with you sooner. I’ve been rather busy today. 

sebauble

it’s ok!!

i thought u might be annoyed at me

did u do anything fun?

Ominis

My dear Aunt Noctua has come for Christmas. It was why my parents demanded me home, so I forgive them now. Haha. 

I’ve spent a long time talking to her today. She doesn’t often visit anymore so it has been a pleasure to be in her company again. 

sebauble

ahh that’s cute im glad she’s there !!!

how is she

Ominis

Very busy, as always. She was telling my sister and I multiple stories of her childhood with my father. He used to be quite kind, surprisingly. He wasn’t there to hear, though, or I fear how he would’ve reacted. 

sebauble

NO WAY 

Ominis

Indeed. He used to read her stories to help her fall asleep when they were both young. Unfortunately the weight of the Gaunt name and the expectations from my grandfather soon caught up to him and, well, you know the rest. 

sebauble

that sucks

is she staying long?

Ominis

Only until Boxing Day. Then she’s back to her travels.

sebauble

ah that’s a shame

but at least u get to see her

makes up for u not being here tomorrow haha

Ominis

Yes, I suppose it does. 

Well, not entirely. I’d much rather be with you, Anne and Noctua. That would be a much more pleasant Christmas. 

sebauble

maybe one day :)

8:52pm

Ominis

Sebastian? 

sebauble

…yeah? 

Ominis

I’m sorry for the way I reacted yesterday. 

sebauble

oh about the

no, i should be sorry. i was prying.

Ominis

Not at all. We’re best friends, I think it’s perfectly normal to talk about things like that. Especially at our age.

sebauble

yeah

i know we dont really

it’s just

im in love with y

we have almost finished school and u have never gone on a date or anything 

and don’t say no girls would date u cos they totally would

Ominis

I think that’s where the issue may lie. 

sebauble

wdym?

Ominis

I think my issue here is er the girls. 

sebauble

oh right 

none of them are taking ur fancy 

idk if u gave that 6th year a chance she might be alright 

or just date me lol

Ominis

That’s really not what I’m trying to say.

sebauble

ok then i don’t get it

Ominis

Merlin’s beard Sebastian I thought you were intelligent. Do I really have to spell it out?

I don’t like girls. I don’t want to date girls. They’re perfectly fine and I’m sure are very pretty, and actually I have been asked out before and didn’t tell you because I never went.

Because I like boys. 

sebauble

oh

Ominis

And I’m sorry I never told you but it’s just something I’ve had to keep to myself for a long time because I just never knew how to bring it up. 

I’m sorry if this makes you uncomfortable now, I really hope it doesn’t. You’re the first person I’ve told. 

sebauble

oh

Ominis

Well don’t just keep saying oh, say something, anything, I beg of you. 

sebauble

sorry

me too, i like boys too, i like girls as well but i really like boys, i mean u boys, u r a boy and i like u, i love u actually, fuck sake

Ominis, it took me a long time to see it, but I’ve been in love with you for years, you’re the person I want to spend every waking moment with and talk to about everything and oh gods i can’t do it

Ominis

Are you typing? Can you just respond please, other than just sorry?

sebauble

dude i

sorry

that’s cool!!!

u should’ve told me before

didn’t need to keep this kind of secret

i would’ve set u up lol

Ominis

With someone from our school? Disgusting, the lot of them. Filthy, smelly boys. 

sebauble

even me?

then how do u kno u even like boys???

Ominis

Well. That’s a good question. It’s just something I know, I suppose. Yep, that’s it, definitely. 

sebauble

oh no no no no no no no no please say no

…oh i see right through u

there IS someone u like

Ominis

Alright. Maybe. 

But don’t go pushing me, I’m not going to tell you. 

sebauble

fuck fuck fuck fuck just kill me

tell me who it is now, ill kill them

i wont. thats what the amortentia is for

i’ll get u to smell it, tell me what u smell and then ill work it out

im very smart

Ominis

You’d have to torture that out of me, Sebastian. 

sebauble

if it gets u on a date with someone then itll be worth it >:)

Ominis

That’s the other issue. I don’t think this person is interested in boys. 

At all. 

sebauble

dude

I have to know now

let me help

Ominis

I think we should really leave it.

sebauble

…

alright

only because im nice and respectful of ur privacy

sometimes lol

but if u need my help

i am here

Ominis

Thank you. I mean it, for not hating me. For being supportive. 

sebauble

ur my best friend

why would i hate u over this? don’t be daft

i could never hate u baby

in fact i

Ominis

:) Thank you. 

Well, I should go wallow in my own self pity now, it’s been a long day. I’ll talk to you in the morning?

sebauble

speak tomorrow

sleep well

love u

<3

Ominis

Love you too.

<3

December 25th, 9:31am

sebauble

CHRISTMAS

WAKE UP

Ominis

I’m awake! 

Merry Christmas Sebastian :)

sebauble

MEERY CHRISTMAS OMINIS

Ominis

Don’t forget to open the gift I got you. 

And the one for Anne, too. 

sebauble

I WONT

CAN I OPEN NOW?

Ominis

Yes!

9:36am

sebauble

oh dude thank you

i fucking love it

just what i wanted

Ominis

Is it the right one?

sebauble

YES

super cool

i wanted this quidditch jumper for forever 

so thank you

it’s perfect 

ITS GOT MY NAME ON THE BACK

i just saw

Hahahahah even more perfect 

brilliant

<333333

Ominis 

I’m so glad you like it. I had to get Anne’s help. Did she like her gift?

sebauble

hold on

yes she loves it thank you

she said ‘id been wanting this diary for ages, thank you ominis, u really shouldn’t have’

u need to stop being so generous dude

im sorry i couldn’t really afford to get u anything

Ominis

I just want to make you happy, it’s not about getting anything in return, honestly. 

I’m glad she likes it. Merry Christmas to you both. 

sebauble

…

Ominis

What?

sebauble

check ur bag

Ominis

What?

sebauble

just check it

9:45am

Ominis

What is this? 

sebauble

did u open it?

Ominis

No, what have you done?

sebauble

open it

9:47am

Ominis

I’ve opened it. It feels like a photo frame. What is it?

sebauble

so if u run ur hands over the whole thing it u should be able to feel some bits feel different to the other bits

Ominis

Yes, I can feel that. Some bits are raised and other bits aren’t. 

sebauble

yeah

its basically a picture with the outlines raised up so you can feel it. sort of like a drawing but u can trace over it so u can ‘see’ it

Ominis

What’s it a picture of?

sebauble

us

from mine and anne's birthday party

idk if u remember

she took the picture outside the dorm

i think we were both drunk but yeah

i just loved the picture

and wanted u to see it somehow

Ominis

Oh Sebastian. 

sebauble

is it any good?

can u sort of feel it?

im on the left side and ur on the right 

if it’s no good u don’t have to keep it

Ominis

Sebastian. 

sebauble

yeah?

Ominis

This is the most wonderful gift I’ve ever received. 

sabauble

haha

really?

Ominis

This is the most thoughtful, amazing thing I’ve ever been given. I can’t believe it. You shouldn’t have spent the money on me. 

sebauble

as u said earlier ‘i just want to make u happy’

Ominis

Sebastian. You’ve made me cry. 

sebauble

don’t cry :(

plz

sorry

Ominis

You idiot. I’m not sad. I just cannot believe someone has done something this wonderful for me. And for you to be the one to do it, well, is not surprising but.

I don’t think I can thank you enough. 

I love you.

sebauble

i

you

i love you too so much

Ominis

But probably not in the way I love you. 

sebauble

????

Ominis

Gods, I apologise, I didn’t mean to send that. Stupid phone.

Please ignore that message. How do you delete a message? I can’t delete the message, why won’t it delete it? Oh it’s still listening to me, for fuck

sebauble

what

Ominis

Please Sebastian, please ignore it. I think it must’ve heard me wrong or something, I’m sorry.

Just ignore it, I can’t delete it for some stupid reason but you’ve already seen it anyway so it doesn’t

I apologise. I don’t understand why it listens to me sometimes and then doesn’t the other. 

I hate these stupid things.

Just forget it. 

sebauble

do you

are you in love with me or something?

Ominis

I said just ignore it. Please. 

sebauble

no, just tell me

are you?

when u said there’s someone u like yesterday

did u mean me?

Ominis

Sebastian, please.

sebauble

tell me

please

u have to tell me

I’m begging u

Ominis

I can’t do this Sebastian

sebauble

please

please because if i say i feel the same way and u say u were joking i think i would die

Ominis

You feel the same way?

sebauble

i do

ominis please

im stupidly desperately in love with you and i truthfully have no idea for how long but all i know is that i love you with every fibre of my being and i spend every second without u wishing i was with u and every second with u wishing i was closer to u

all the times I’ve called you baby and perfect and gorgeous i was never joking

please tell me u weren’t joking

please

Ominis

I wasn’t joking. I didn’t mean to send it but I am serious. 

Are you serious?

sebauble

ofc i am 

i swear

Merlin

I love you Ominis

Ominis

Can I call?

sebauble

yes

please

Ominis is calling sebauble

Call accepted

[jahayla-parker]

King Of My Heart : Nikolai Lantsov x Reader Series

Part 5

For warnings, descriptions, and previous parts, see series masterlist here.

Recap: Y/n nodded downwards politically at Nikolai before she turned away from him again. She’d intended on making her way back to the palace and rejoining the obscene party they were hosting before calling it a night as soon as it would be reasonably permitted. But, she felt the Prince take hold of her wrist to keep her from moving away from him.

Y/n really just couldn’t catch a break this week, could she? At this point, she doubted she’d make it to Sunday before losing her mind. Why did Nikolai have to be everywhere? Sure, it was his castle but, Saints! Couldn’t he go enjoy another part of it, somewhere she wasn’t at?!

“Why can't we just let whatever this pointless rivalry is go?" Nikolai asked. Truthfully, he’d grown tired of always having to be on guard and try to think of snappy insults whenever the Princess was around. His hatred of y/n consumed him so much so that he often thought of her even outside of summer. Nikolai constantly found himself thinking of the Princess and possible new insults or remarks he could make the next time he saw her. As much as he hated her, Nikolai frequently looked forward to seeing y/n. So he could utilize the new comebacks he’d created during the fall and winter months, of course.

Yet, Nikolai was tired of y/n taking up so much space in his mind. Besides, they now were set to spend the rest of their lives betrothed to one another. Nikolai knew the hateful passion he felt towards y/n would never diminish enough to allow them to be friends much less anything more than aromantically married. He suspected y/n felt the same way. But, couldn’t they at least both realize they were on the same team now? That they now shared the same goal? And as such, at least be civil to each other so they didn’t keep driving each other mad?

Nikolai was pulled from his thoughts as Y/n shook her head and mumbled, “just leave me be”. He sighed and shook his head as well. “No”.

Y/n groaned but let out a huff of relief when Nikolai started to remove his long slender fingers from where her gown’s sleeve ended just below her palm. She froze in shock as she felt a weird warm tingling sensation shoot through her body as the Prince’s fingertips grazed her bare skin during their departure from her wrist. Y/n tightened her jaw as she mentally questioned herself over the reaction. She stared at Nikolai with a look that she hoped showed her annoyance and desire to be left alone. “Niko-“ she began.

“You’re stubborn,” Nikolai acknowledged. He smirked as he continued, “but, so am I”. As y/n glared at him, Nikolai chuckled teasingly. “Why do think this fight has lasted so long?” He pointed out smugly. “And all because of… what?” Nikolai asked as he shook his head dismissively.

“You know what,” y/n snarled. Her brows were slanted inward as her eyes shot imaginary daggers at Nikolai.

Nikolai puffed his chest and rested his hands on his hips. “Do humor me, oh wise one,” he taunted. He felt slightly guilty for his snappy remark, especially when he was trying to get them to be cordial with each other. But, Nikolai couldn’t help himself as he was becoming offended by y/n’s ongoing refusal to treat him with even a shred of civility. Especially after he saw she was clearly capable of if; not just to her friends, but strangers, and Saint’s sake, even to wild animals!

“The summer,” was all y/n offered as an answer to Nikolai’s question. She was intentionally answering vaguely as she didn’t care to get into all of this again. Y/n knew Nikolai remembered what he’d done years ago and was only trying to act as if he didn’t. As if he was innocent in all of this, when in reality her hatred was the result of his actions back then.

Nikolai chuckled sarcastically at the Princess’s indirect response. “Well, clearly,” he replied, waving his hand aloofly, “after all, when else would I have had the chance to upset you?” After his rhetorical question was met with deserved silence, he tried again. “Care to actually answer the question in a complete sentence this time?” Nikolai asked y/n.

Y/n breathed out through her nose as she maintained her composure. She responded with one, sharply spoken word, “think”. Y/n rolled her eyes as Nikolai’s face shifted from smug to irritated when she didn’t just remind him of the incident herself.

“You know when it started,” y/n argued as she watched Nikolai purse his lips. “Therefore, you know why,” she added. As y/n watched the Prince, she noticed the confusion he tried to hide with his outward display of annoyance. Perhaps Nikolai didn’t remember. It should’ve made y/n feel guilty for having treated someone so poorly for years when that person didn’t even know what they’d done to deserve it. However, in this situation, the possibility Nikolai didn’t remember what he’d done only made her more upset. The day that it happened was a day that had stuck with her ever since; the precise moment burned in y/n’s mind and scaldingly branding her heart with every detail, leaving her with a constant ache ever since. Yet, the Prince dared to either pretend he didn’t do anything wrong, or truly hadn’t even thought twice about the way he’d treated her that day?

While y/n was thinking through the situation, she watched as a look of what seemed to be realization and hesitation took over Nikolai’s face.

“Wait,” the Prince spoke breathily, “this is…”. Nikolai’s disbelief shifted to frustration and disappointment. “This is because I bumped into you and made your dress dirty when you were…” he paused, trying to recall their exact ages that summer, “six?” He mentally scolded himself for believing for a second that y/n wasn’t the shallow Princess he’d led himself to believe she was over the years since that night.

Y/n glared at Nikolai. “Eight,” she corrected pointedly. “And, that’s not what-“ y/n began, ready to defend herself. She was furious that Nikolai simplified the incident in order to make y/n sound like a spoiled brat who only cared about her dress and therefore now hated the Prince when he’d done nothing more than “innocently bumping” into her years ago. Which was not the case.

“Yes it is,” Nikolai declared confidently despite his disbelief in not having realized this earlier. “That’s when you started acting differently towards me,” he pointed out. Nikolai could still vividly recall the way y/n had suddenly gone from being friendly to him- the way she was with the other kids, even Vassily (who was always an ass if you asked Nikolai)- to treating him with disdain. He hadn’t realized it before now that her change in attitude towards him lined up perfectly with when that incident happened. But, now it was clear.

“You didn’t make it dirty,” y/n defended herself, saying the line in the same condescending and judgmental way Nikolai had. “You shoved me into the mud,” she choked, the unexpected action from him still too ingrained in her memory. “And, you ruined my first ever-“ y/n stopped herself. She didn’t want to talk about this. Not with him. “You know what,” she shook her head, “doesn’t matter”.

Y/n refused to let Nikolai in. She refused to let him see how just much he’d hurt her. She refused to let Nikolai enjoy the power his actions had over her back when there were kids. Him learning any of that would only give him more ammunition to use against her.

“That wasn’t your first dress, Princess,” Nikolai chided. He rolled his eyes in disbelief. Nikolai felt justified now that he learned the cause behind their decades long rivalry and hatred was something so vain in y/n’s behalf; he no longer needed to feel bad for having ignored any of her ‘positive traits’ when this was seemingly all it took to make her switch from a sweet Princess to a spoiled diva. This whole rivalry had gone on for over 10 years all over a single dress he accidentally dirtied when she, as a Princess undoubtedly had plenty of others.

Y/n took in a deep breath but refused to look at Nikolai. “Never said it was,” she pointed out, her voice mumbled. She really didn’t want to keep talking about this. All of the emotions and details of the incident were starting to drown her.

“You were saying-“ the Prince argued, planning to reiterate how egotistical y/n is and had been.

“I don’t need you to tell me what I was saying, moi tsarevich,” y/n sassed. She huffed loudly as she straightened her back, elongating her posture. “I was saying…,” y/n reiterated, “it was my first ballet costume, Nikolai”. She didn’t look his way as she hissed his name.

“What?” Nikolai asked, unable to think of anything else. He didn’t understand the point of her correction nor why she would’ve been wearing a ballet costume that day. But, he could sense the profound sadness and nostalgia in y/N’s voice.

Y/n wordlessly shook her head. She glimpsed over at Nikolai for a brief second before quickly averting her gaze. Y/n still didn’t speak as she studied the now-ivy covered pearl-gray rounded rectangular stone hip-height wall from a distance. The same wall that had been behind her over 10 years ago when Nikolai had pushed her backwards into a pool of cold murky sludge. Y/n would’ve preferred not to be having this conversation at all, much less with Nikolai of all people. She certainly didn’t want to explain herself any further, not wanting to risk Nikolai knowing too much about her personal life. But, when she caught a glimpse of Nikolai stepping closer to her in an almost sympathetic way, she relented. “I’d been begging my parents for years to let me take ballet lessons,” she began, pausing until she knew if he was actually listening.

Y/n saw that while Nikolai hadn’t responded, he was clearly staying attentive. So she continued with her explanation. “They finally agreed as long as I took care of my equipment,” y/n sighed. As the weight of her emotions that day came flooding back, she stared at her feet. “I was…” y/n attempted, her voice trailing off.

Y/n didn’t have to look up at know Nikolai was watching her intently. She could practically feel his eyes on her as if they were trying to absorb every detail possible. The same way she could tell that his breath was shallow and he was on edge.

“I was so excited to wear that costume that summer to greet everyone,” y/n began again, a infinitesimal smile on her lips at the recollection. “I made sure to do whatever I had to do to not ruin the costume,” she recounted. “I skipped the painting class, the juice boxes, and even opted for the disgusting salad over the spaghetti for lunch”. Y/n silently shook her head. “Then… you just came barging over like the arrogant Prince you were and knocked me into the mud,” her voice wavered uncooperatively, “staining it and the sticks in it tearing the costume.”

Y/n sighed loudly as she clenched her jaw to keep her emotions at bay. “I was blamed for it, because ‘Perfect little Nikolai' wouldn’t ever do that to a Princess’,” she quoted. “They didn’t trust me enough to let me continue lessons or to ever get another ballet costume gown again”. Y/n braved a look Nikolai’s way, “and, you...”. She cut herself off with a huff in disbelief. She held a sad look in her eyes as she quickly looked away from him.

“You never even apologized,” Y/n’s voice betrayed her; cracking from her pent-up emotion. “You just stared at me as I sat in the puddle,” she shook her head as she bit into her bottom lip, the memory still too fresh. “And… y-you,” she scoffed exasperatedly, “laughed, and just ran away”.

Nikolai’s brows were furrowed so intensely that a tension headache was already forming. His chest felt as if it was pinned inside a tightened vise. The Prince’s guilt and shock left his feet cemented to the ground and arms stitched to his sides. “Y/n, I-“ Nikolai’s voice was strained from the sheer force it took him to speak past the self-condemnation and shame imprisoning his brain and tongue.

“Save it,” y/n fulminated. She confronted Nikolai with a razor-edged scowl. “I don’t want to hear some nonsense proclamation about how that is not what happened,” she warned. “We might not have known each other very well back then, but I’d never have treated you the way you treated me for no reason”. Y/n tsked audibly as her eyes broke away from Nikolai’s seemingly emotionless face.

“And, as if that wasn’t enough,” y/n continued; her demeanor making it clear she thought it was in fact enough on its own. “But, then, you had the audacity to disparage me as if I started it,” she pontificated. “So don’t try to smooth talk your way out of this,” y/n advised, “I know better than to fall for your spurious charisma, your highness”.

Nikolai felt the vise on his chest tighten throughout y/n’s statements. The remorse-fueled vise continued its hellacious assault on him until he felt as if all the oxygen left his body and his lungs imploded. He mandated himself to take an emphysematous breath. “N-no,” Nikolai spoke in a strained manner. “It… No, that’s not what I… just… let me explain,” he blathered. “Please,” the Prince added beseechingly.

Tag list: @iambored24601 @nghtwngs @dcmaniac101 @naushtheaspiringauthor @larathebee @hereiamhereigo @lareinaa007 @halfofagayallofaqueer @el-de-phi @kiroshki @caspianobsessed @hauntedenthusiasttragedy @adalia-jaycee @ell0ra-br3kk3r @wonderland2425 @sublimepenguinpeach-blog @kateswone @liter4ti @torresbarnes @mischiefmanaged71 @casualladyinternet @im-here-sometimes @moonflowersandsparkles @h-l-vlovesvintage @dinonuggiessss @nikfigueiredo @bubybubsters @sublimepenguinpeach-blog @opheliaofficial07

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[cashthecomposer]

could i hear about your musical :O im really interested in the story it's based on

Yes!!! I saw your post expressing love for historical shows, so I'll explain a little about the historical accuracy:

The story is focused on the summer of 1816, at the Villa Diodati, when Lord Byron challenged several of his contemporaries to compose their own ghost stories, culminating in Mary Shelley creating Frankenstein.

In terms of historical accuracy, it's not 100% exactly what happened that summer. For starters, I condensed the events of three months into three days, performed over two hours. I also take a fair number of liberties for dramatic purpose- as an example, instead of Polidori merely suggesting his jealousy and Byron sticking up for Percy, an actual duel occurs. Because who doesn't want a swordfight?

That being said, there's a number of aspects of the show that I've had to fight for that are accurate. One big one is Mary's identity as a mother- at the start of the show, she has a six month old son, and he is a huge part of her Identity, and an even bigger source of internal and external conflict for her, not least because the boy was named after her estranged father! And while I don't outright state it, there are multiple references to her past miscarriages and deceased daughter (the reason I don't outright state it is because someone close to me would be very triggered by that, and this is already a show that covers enough heavy topics!). Far too many adaptations treat her as this modern gothic feminist icon, and feel they must erase her motherhood rather than embracing it, something she and her own mother would have hated to see. Also, I want breastfeeding to happen onstage, as that was incredibly important to both of the Shelleys, and I'm all about #freethenipple.

The show also is very blatant about Byron's predatory actions, not just towards Claire Clairmont, but Percy and Polidori as well. A lot of people- and adaptations of this story, by extension- sugar coat the fact that he was a fucking creep. I don't, I lean into it. The guy I cast in the role is affable, genuine, and really makes you feel conflicted about Byron being such an ass.

Perhaps the most important thing to me is the title, and its source: Fantasmagoriana, a collection of ghost stories which inspired Byron's challenge. Many adaptations don't give this collection the weight it deserves, so I devote almost an entire scene to two stories Mary Shelley identified as major sources of inspiration for Frankenstein. This was an uphill battle, and took an embarrassing number of tries to get right.

The thing that Tumblr audiences will care about the most is probably the exploration of sexuality and relationships. I never use modern terminology to quantify any of the relationships, save for Percy and Mary who refer to one another as fiancee. The mutual attraction between Percy and Byron is shown explicitly with at minimum a blowjob on a boat in the middle of act 2. And, given the spirit of free love, when Percy tries to tell Mary about his indiscretion, she brushes it aside- while it does hurt, and that's something her sister would later admonish both men for, her love for Percy and her thankfulness that he survived nearly drowning greatly outweighs any upset she may have had. I also heavily lean into the unrequited adoration of Polidori to Byron, and include the moment when the illusion is shattered for John. As an aside, I have him kill himself right then and there (he drinks the poison and leaves the stage), rather than waiting until he gets home, for the ~drama~.

In short (too late), it's not perfectly accurate, it can't be. But it does cover many parts of the story others have chosen to neglect or even erase, definitely showing my biases.

One last note- the instrumentation for the accompaniment has two iterations, one for solo piano, one for string orchestra. I am adamant about keeping the music mostly historically accurate. It's not perfect because I love Shostakovich and Sondheim too much not to use them for some inspiration. I take most of my cues from Liszt for the piano, and Beethoven for the orchestra, early romantic style with big, heavy orchestration, lots of fun key changes, repetition that explores the limits of the instruments.

One thing that really bothers me about historical musicals is when the characters say or sing things that are straight up anachronistic, so that never happens in my show (even the innuendo are thoroughly researched, to be historically accurate!), until the very end, when it's appropriate- when Mary invents the genre of science fiction, which is all about anachronisms! :D

The research phase of this show took me eight years. I read everything Mary Shelley, Percy Shelley, Claire Clairmont, John Polidori, and Lord Byron ever penned, including their correspondences. Please trust me when I say that the liberties I take are in pursuit of loyalty to their spirit... literally.

If you want to learn more about my show, please feel free to ask any questions, and check out my Patreon- you can do the free trial option to get access to all previously posted materials, and the lowest level patronage that'll give you regular updates on the show is just $1 a month! It goes to support me as I bring this show to the stage, in my journey of being transparent about the production process. :)

[gyujeongfmd]

plot call!

with the event coming to an end, i thought i’d post a plot call considering i’m going to start fresh with threads! (if you’d like to keep some of the event threads, do let me know — i don’t mind continuing!) below the cut will be updates / current state of events regarding gyu & minjung. leave a like or feel free to msg me to plot something out!

gyu

gyu for the most part... is just busy. i hate to do this, considering i don’t consider him a workaholic muse. however, he’s pretty busy because he is writing music for other groups, his own group, all while prepping for a concert tour / new comeback that’s happening in a few months

as a result, he’s just gonna be grumpy when you run into him... or just bitch about how ridiculous it is of gold star to keep him locked in the dungeon till he’s done their bitch work

in terms of personal development, he’s in one of those states of mind where he’s just so physically busy he’s far out of touch from his emotions / what he’s feeling. he basically has no time to be heartbroken (albeit, he’s slowly gotten over his ex to the point where he probably only cries once every month about her each time he passes by their date places) so, mostly, he’s just upset over the workload given 

speaking of, anyone in love and ready to flaunt it in front of him? probably gonna make him gag and just roll his eyes because gyujeong will see that as a phony love rather than the real thing then lecture you like he knows what he’s talking about (in reality, he doesn’t know shit)

catch him in the studio, gold star’s building, any off-site dance building or just a random cafe during these times — though, the latter might cause for quick run-in since he doesn’t have time to sit in

some plot points i do have are: someone who comes to platinum’s concert? maybe they’re friends or maybe they’re just friends with his member, and they end up chatting it up post-show. 

someone who bumps into him in the studio, talking about the process of whatever song’s he’s writing — we can discuss whatever song, or maybe if your muse is writing a song, they can discuss and toss ideas here and there

this is a funny one — but one of gyu’s new years resolutions is to learn how to drink better. so, maybe it’s unexpected but somehow your muse ends up being his drinking teacher which just amounts to gyu getting drunk and divulging all his deeper secrets only to forget the next morning (ironic start to a friendship where he does the complementing and is a kind boy)

minjung

minjung is exhausted, but less physically more emotionally. last few months have been nothing short of a rollercoaster, and the final touches of our beloved summer are the striking whistle — aka: she’s ready to give up acting and call retirement early

nonetheless, acting is soon to be over and she’s working on equinox comebacks which she is actually happy / excited for since she likes the song and enjoys her part in it

in terms of her solo career, she’s doing less music just because she’s emotionally exhausted to the point of no inspiration when it comes to music. she can’t verbalize any words to how she wants to write, so she just chooses to do the opposite

meaning, her downtime consists of a lot of painting, walking, and museum hopping while mulling over her current state of emotional affairs

during this time, she might seek love advice or ask people what they think about soulmates since she’s constantly trying to craft that out of life

ironically, she’s actually going to do a music stage in america — coachella!! ur gurl is coachella bound, and she’s just happy as she sees it a reprieve from all the shit she’s been through. in tow, she’ll be at gold star prepping for it though it’s still relatively kept on the down low for now 

some plot points: i could see someone bumping into her whether it be at gold star or at an undesignated practice room? she’s practicing songs she normally doesn’t perform, so it causes conversation for coachella. ironically, take it one step further and if your muse doesn’t have anything to do, come take the trip with her : )

someone who asks about why she hasn’t write, which then possibly dives into a deeper conversation about feeling so emotionally exhausted you don’t wanna do something? even better if it’s over wine or whiskey 

someone who wants to bitch about how icky and mean boys are for playing with your hearts — gossip to the max

maybe, she’s too emotionally exhausted and brushes off your muse which leads to an altercation or misunderstanding for some conflict

aka: i’m open to all ideas and plotting things out further, so don’t hesitate to take a plot point and tweak it any way you want!

[911varietyposts]

🦦🦦🩹🩹🌪️🌪️😷😷⛺⛺ CAMP ROCK AU?? FARMERS AU??? sign me the fuck up

So many snippets to come!

tag game! (see my wips here!)

Otter You Glad You Love Me

Evan pulled a clipboard out from the cabinet before handing it to Tommy. “We’ve got every animal on this list except for otters, Tommy. Please build this for me?” A pout covered Evan’s face as he rested his head on his husband’s shoulders, feeling the tension bleed out of the man. “You’re lucky you’re cute and I can’t say no to you Evan Kinard.” Tommy grumbled as he pressed a quick kiss to Evan’s lips before making his way outside. “Call Eddie and tell him to get his ass over here and help me build this!”

You’re The Kind of Reckless (That Should Send Me Running)

Tommy Kinard was head over heels in love with Evan Buckley. He had heard about the way the man had acted when he was younger; not thinking about what he was doing and just acting at first instinct. Honestly, that should have scared Tommy away but instead, it just drew him closer to Evan. The desire to be there and protect the man sat just under his skin and it came to the surface everytime Evan would come home from a shift injured or upset. Evan had brought forth a part of Tommy that he thought had been lost long ago, but here it was alive and well. Tommy would drop everything he was doing to make sure Evan knew just how loved, appreciated, cared for that he actually was. He had done it too.

Storm Chasers AU

“Be careful you two, come home to me in one piece.” Tommy murmured as he pressed a kiss to Evan’s lips then one to Eddie’s lips. “This tornado is a bad one from what the radars are showing, so make sure you guys are staying aware of everything going on around you please.” A murmuring of reassurance filled the air before Eddie and Evan exited the little house, meeting Chimney and Hen outside. “Ready?” With a nod of their heads, the two pairs split up into their respective trucks and took off, ready to track down what could be the biggest storm they had ever seen.

BTHB Terminal Illness

The word rang in his head as Evan laid there in the bed, unable to bring himself to move. His body felt drained of all possible energy, which had become normal over the last few months, though now it felt much worse than normal. The muscle mass that once had built the body everyone knew him with had diminished, leaving the man frail and fragile. He hated it. His career as a firefighter was over as he knew it, all because his body had once again decided to hate him, this time throwing a deadly disease at him. Even with the treatments and everything, his doctors weren’t seeing any improvements in how things were looking.

9-1-1/Camp Rock AU

“You know, for a summer camp, they seem to have it a bit too…easy over there.” Buck said as he poked his fork at the eggs on his plate, his eyes glancing up at Maddie in the process. Maddie could only shrug her shoulders as she looked at the notebook that rested in front of her. “Maybe they do, but we aren’t them so stop worrying about it.” Standing up with his tray, no longer hungry, Buck waved to his sister. “I’m gonna go sit by the lake if you need to find me.” Making his exit from the dining hall, he began the trek down to the lake.

[kath-artic]

ugghh thinking.

the reason in so upset is that i was doing so well before all of this happened. i was ready to have a healthy relationship with someone again. and then because i had the apparent audacity to go on a date with someone while my friend was still getting over her ex, i was told i should kill myself and that i would never find meaningful connection again. suddenly i couldnt see most of my friends anymore and suddenly he became the only person i had. i hate that i've been made to rely on him this way. i remember when things were starting out and i told him that my happiness didnt depend on him. as much as talking to him made me happy, i was happy before i met him too. i was so happy and normal and now im losing sleep waiting for him to text me back because him not talking to me means i have nobody to talk to. it's not good. something has to give. i think im gonna text him soon to let him know i care about him and im there if he needs me, but otherwise i think im gonna take a step back from it all because i dont think im a healthy person to be with right now. it just sucks that other people can decide to take everything from you. that someone can just decide youve abandoned them and that no amount of apologizing will make you a human being worth treating with kindness again. all i was was a doll in a dollhouse and the moment i stopped acting in accordance with the role that was dreamed up for me i became some horrible monster who apparently deserved to be raped. and now because of that my knee jerk reaction is fear again. i had unlearned that fear. and now its back. why do i have to give everything up and heal just because someone else hurt me? it's not fair, and i know thats just the way things go but it doesnt make it hurt any less. im gonna try to reconnect with as many of my friends as possible, but i think im gonna try to figure out a way to get to my aunt's house and stay there for a month or two. i was hoping i could go up to canada with her for a week to help my grandparents settle in for the summer, but things are too complicated up there for her to be able to pick me up from the airport. idk. i know leaving shit behind is what fixed me last time, but i struggled to do it then too. im just scared of leaving behind the people that still care about me. what i REALLY wish i could do is go out to bumfuck nowhere washington for like a month and just live with my buddies nick and aidan. i think that would unironically fix my life in a much more significant way

[gccdwitch]

Mary doesn’t mean to be shady but she’s pretty sure there’s no way she’s managed to hide how much the previous speech had made her cringe. At least she managed not to laugh out loud when Claudio described himself, that must count for something. “Hi,” she says, trying her best to smile politely, maybe even in a way that would be considered attractive, though she's never really been good at that sort of thing. “I’m Mary, I’m 26 and I play guitar in a band with my best friends. I’m a New Yorker to my core but I’ve also spent a lot of time in Vancouver since I have family there.” She hums as she looks around the contestants, excitement over the potential of the coming months bubbling inside her anew. “I’ve had a couple of long-term relationships but it’s been a while since I’ve dated anyone. Loyalty is, obviously, incredibly important to me but I also want someone who’s just going to let me be myself and join in on the fun.”

As soon as she’s done, the man next to her claps his hands once, drawing the attention to himself. “Ha! What a coincidence. I was also in a band. A different one. Obviously.” The way he says those words combined with his smug expression leaves no room for interpretation—he expects the people around him and the viewers to already recognize him and, more than that, show their adoration. “I’ve decided to forge my own path, though, release my own music and pursue acting.” And, if things went well, this silly little show would be a significant boost to his new career. “The name’s Elio. I’m also 26. I grew up in Genoa, Italy but I’ve been living in the States for a while now. I’m super lovey-dovey, I adooooore relationships. So, I say we make a lot of great memories together!” Satisfies with his speech, he lifts his glass up, looking over everyone but winking at Miyoung.

The man who’s sitting next to him is stunned for a couple of seconds, face frozen in a polite, albeit confused smile before he remembers where he is and what he’s supposed to do. “Hi everyone,” he greats warmly, the grin on his lips turning nearly blinding as he takes in his fellow contestants. “I’m Flynn, I’m Australian and I’m super stoked to be here. I love surfing and any other beach activities. I just love being in the water or around water. Back home, I’m currently in charge of my grandparents’ antique shop. My last relationship was pretty long and serious and it ended like, 5 years ago and since then I haven’t had the best of luck which is a bummer. Mostly, I just keep on accidentally ending up in situationships and the like until the other person decides to move on.” His cheery attitude doesn’t falter for a second even if the last bit of his statement is quite upsetting. “Oh, I almost forgot! I’m 25.”

“Hello. My name is Nevaeh,” the girl next to him introduces herself once she feels like a polite amount of time has passed. She wraps both her clammy hands around the stem of the champagne glass and smiles, trying her best not to let her nerves take over her or, at the very least, not to show that they very much already have. “I’m 24 and I’m a college student still. I’ve changed my major a bunch but right now I’m studying English.” Neveah purses her lips, trying to figure out what to say next. “I’m a hopeless romantic at heart and my life isn’t all that interesting, to be brutally honest, so I thought this might be a good way to shake off the routine and find love? All of you seem super lovely and I’m really excited to get to know you guys.”

The last to speak, Nevaeh looks around anxiously, hoping that either someone from production would give her a hint as to how to proceed with this or someone else will step in. It’s Mary that does. “I say that calls for a toast,” she says, lifting her glass as her eyes jump from person to person. “Cheers to an amazing summer?”

🌴 closed starter | welcome to love island, @gccdwitch ! 🌺

Now that everyone's arrived and gathered near the fireplace with a glass of champagne, the hostess has instructed everyone to go around and introduce themselves before coupling up.

Confidently and swiftly, Aisha raises a manicured finger in the air. "I'll go first!" She then takes a sip of champagne before starting her introduction. "I'm Aisha, I'm 28 years old, and I do a lot of philanthropy work. I travel pretty often because of it, but I was born and raised in Calabasas. I haven't been super lucky in love, so I'm here to find a meaningful connection - kind of like a lover and best friend all in one! Someone super fun and easy going would be perfect, so they match my energy."

Being the next person in rotation, Miyoung placed her glass of champagne down and sat herself up. "I'm Miyoung, 23 years old, and from Seoul, South Korea. I'm staying in L.A. right now to work on my acting career, which is super exciting for me!" towards the end of her sentence she giggles, smiling with beaming pride. "Back in Korea I spent all of my childhood working as an actress and model, so I've never had a chance to be in a relationship. But I really would love to experience it." she adds shyly.

Next, "Nice to meet you all, I'm Travis and I'm 27 years old," He smiles, "For starters I'm from Ohio and I'm kind of a creative freelancer. Right now I do a lot of camera work and editing - I mostly help out my buddy make music videos. My life is very laid back and and all about havin' fun in the moment. I'm lookin' for someone spontaneous, go with the flow."

"Cheers everyone! So great to see you - I'm feeling on fire right now!" Claudio laughs and raises his champagne glass. "My name is Claudio, I come from Rio de Janeiro and I am 28 years old. I like to introduce myself as dangerous, confident, good looking - of course - and passionate!" he's very bold in his introduction, but decides to tone it down for his next line. "I got out of a long relationship over a year ago. It's been hard but I'm finally open to finding new love again."

[proud-mama-joyce]

Headcanon at the moment for Mike’s initial days in California: 

Mike is terrified of Will finding out about his feelings for him, and he’s DONE dealing with people checking in on him, so it’s easy for him to fall into the complacency of acting like everything is normal with El for a while. She’s happy to see him, so that makes it simple. He wants Will around and doesn’t want to be a bad friend like last summer, so he thinks, the solution is to do more things with El and Will together, right? But he’s too self-conscious to interact normally—or much at all—with Will right away, and Will can tell something is off. Mike still keeps tabs Will, pining from a fear-induced distance and hypersensitive to reactions that could indicate that he’s screwed up and made Will aware of his feelings. (The outcome could only be horrific, in Mike’s mind. He might lose Will for good.) This creates a burning desire to know what’s wrong whenever Will seems upset, but he has trouble being his old, caring self around Will. It’s confusing to navigate, and it risks being revealing. It’s easier to be a little angry instead.

Some roller rink angst where I could imagine part of this playing out (disclaimer…I’m a complete newbie writing anything like this):

 [Will leaves the skating area, returning his skates. He needs to get away from Mike and El, as quickly as possible. Why was I invited if Mike only has eyes for her?]

[Mike bursts through the door to the men’s room to find Will leaned over a sink, eyes closed and looking lost in his thoughts.]

“Will, what the hell? Why did you leave?”

“Oh, so this is the only way you’ll talk to me alone.”

“I thought you and El were friends now. What’s the problem?”

[Will looks up quickly, locking eyes with Mike.] “The problem? El’s not the problem, it’s you. You’re still acting like I’m not even here! This is just like last summer, except now I’m in the same room and forced to watch instead.”

“Well whose fault is that? I try to include you but you’ve barely spoken a word since I got here.”

“Yeah, well, it’s a little hard to get a word in when you’re all over each other every second.”

“She’s my girlfriend and she hasn’t seen me in months! Do you expect me to just ignore her?”

“Just—why did you come here, Mike? Was it just to see her? Because if it was, just tell me and I’ll leave you alone and we can stop pretending that we’re even still friends.”

“Still friends? Wait—what do you mean?”

“What else am I supposed to think? Did all of my letters go missing?”

“No—no! I was just—things kind of got crazy for a while, and I—"

[to himself] “Crazy.” [Will looks toward the ceiling for a moment, eyes glassy.] “Did they?”

[Oh.] “I didn’t mean—what I meant was—"

“I guess—” [Will’s voice lowers with a tense glance at the door]—“since I don’t like girls, that makes everything weird now for you? God, I’m so stupid for thinking we actually moved past that. Do you even know how much that hurt, coming from you? I forgave you, but maybe I shouldn’t have. Were you ever actually sorry? Do I just disgust you now?”

[Mike freezes. Will doesn’t like girls? Will’s face hardens with the silence.]

“I get it. Well, good thing I’m learning to live without you.”

[Will turns abruptly to leave.]

“No, Will, wait—”

[Will looks back as Mike makes a motion to reach for Will’s wrist, but hesitates and pulls back at the last second. It does not go unnoticed.]

“Fuck you, Mike.”

[A loud crash and screams snap their attention outside, and they scramble out the door to find out what’s wrong. Mike’s mind is reeling.]

[iwadori]

When they neglect you for another girl Part 4 (Sakusa)

Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four Part Five

Word Count: 2.6K

Genre: Angst to Fluff

masterlist

AN: YES I DID PUT MYSELF IN THIS STORY! SUE ME. This is basically inspired by a random conversation i had w the great @teesumu, so this is basically for you doll <3

Sakusa:

You and Sakusa have been together for a around 10 years and love eachother immensly.    

However recently Sakusa has been busy and you havent really had much time together lately as he claims been busy doing loads of visits with his new agent.

But of course, being the loving partner you are you wanted to revive the spark in your relationship.

You have been seeing a lot of people on social media posting their aesthetic ‘picnic dates,’ and you knew that this was something that appealed to you before it was ‘on trend.’ Kiyoomi immediately came to your mind once you had the idea of going on a date. You knew that you haven’t be around each other lately, as Kiyoomi always had either a ‘meeting’ or some sort of ‘interview’ that his new agent “Empress” has set up for him.

You didn’t really know Empress that well, just that she was ‘good at her job,’ a ‘hard and dilligent worker,’ and a ‘raging hottie’ with Atsumu’s opinion being the last one. You weren’t suspecting her to have any malicious intent towards you or Kiyoomi, since you knew that he had a great judge of character. But it was just odd, that every time Kiyoomi was running late or having ‘super-secret’ conversations on the phone it was always because ‘my agent set up this,’ ‘my agent set up that,’ and that’s what left you a bit wary.

As you were scrolling through your phone you see a calendar updating saying : Next Week‘ A DECADE AGO WE FELL IN LOVE.’  

10 years. How could you forget? You and Omi have literally been together for a decade. You think back to the decade of madness and love you’ve been through together, smiling fondly to yourself but then you think about where you are now... barely even talking to each other, only mainly seeing him when he comes home from work.

You need to fix this. Or at least make an attempt to get you and Kiyoomi talking again. So, the only thing you can do, is plan that picnic.

You spent the rest of the day planning your anniversary picnic. ’It’s going to be great,’ you think to yourself, you have a list of all Omi’s favorite foods you're going to make him and bring and you are probably going to pick up a few board games and maybe even get some paint supplies. You and Kiyoomi used to paint a lot together, with the two of you not being the best of painters, but you enjoyed eachothers company non the less.  

Everything was sorted...for the most part. All you needed to do was get Omi there, and it’ll all be okay. Right? As you were bubbling and looking for more picnic inspo, you hear your front door open which made you even more excited to tell your boyfriend your plans.  

As you rush to go greet him, you see he’s on the phone making you roll your eyes. “No Empress it won’t work, we need this sorted by next week. Okay? Next week.” he says in an agitated way. He hangs up the phone and sighs, shoving off his duffel bag.

“Hey Omi, how was your day?” you say a bit hesitant, noticing his annoyed mood.  

“Fine” He said dismissively, aiming to walk past you aiming for your bedroom.

“Oh well I have something amazing planned for ne-” you try to say following after him.

“Can we not do this right now Y/N,” he says again turning too look at you making you frown a bit, all you wanted to do is surprise him with your plans and have a day out with him. After noticing your sad look he finishes with “it’s just that Empress she’s bee-”

“I don’t want to hear about her.” you say bitterly folding your arms, Empress is the last person you want to hear about right now “God Omi can’t you just care about me? For once.”

“I do I-”

“You don’t anymore,” you say, with all the emotions and feelings you’ve been just supressing from a while coming up. You don’t even know how you got from point A to B with this conversation, but there's no stopping now. “I feel that, for a while now we haven’t been how we were before when we were just Y/N and Kiyoomi. Instead of how we are now. Just Y/N. Then Kiyoomi and Empress.”

After hearing his agents name, Kiyoomi’s name contorts to confusion “Empress? What does she have to do with anything?”

“How can you not see? For the past month all it’s been is ‘Empress this’ ‘Empress that,’” you complain “Having your super secret conversations with her, like god Kiyoomi can’t you see a problem with this?”  

“It’s not like that Y/N, we’re just work partners” he says looking a bit annoyed “Just business.”

 “Just business? So Kiyoomi, what were you talking about on the phone earlier” you say with your voice slight accusingly.

“Umm I, I can’t really say?” he says more of a question then a fully assured statement. You squint your eyes at him and scoff.

“What is going on with you Omi?” you say “are you cheating on me with her is that it?”

“No, no of course not Y/N! How could you even ask that?” he frowned at your question making your chest hurt, since deep down you knew he could never do that to you. Could he?

“Well tell me then, what were you talking about?” you ask again.

“I can’t say..” he finishes  

“Well I can’t stay.” you say and his face goes back to confusion “Here. With you.”

“What do you mean Y/-”

“I need a break or something. I just can’t be here right now.” You start to rush and pack a big of things whilst Kiyoomi just stands there.

After you pack up your stuff, you look back and see Kiyoomi just there. Standing. You were upset, you kind of wanted him to rush after you and beg you not to leave, but he was just there. Standing. So you put the hand on the door and just before you leave you turn back and say “bye Sakusa, see you later?” to which you see him slightly nod at.

When the door shut, Kiyoomi starts to cry. After hearing you call him by his last name really twisted the knife that was already in his heart. You haven’t called him that since you were like 15. He knew what you wanted; he knew you wanted him to rush towards you and beg you not to leave, but he didn’t. He couldn’t. But what he could do is call the one person he only could call.

After a few rings, he hears “What do you need Saku?”  

“She’s gone, she left.”

“What do you mean she’s gone, did you tell her?”  

“No I didn’t tell her. And that’s the problem, Empress she think-”

“Saku, don’t worry about it. I’ll handle it.”

“You’ll handle it?”

“Don’t I always?”

He couldn’t argue with that, he just had to trust that Empress could sort it. “And also, don’t spend the week with your head up your ass crying, you’ve got a lot of grovelling to do kiddo.”

He nodded even though she couldn’t see him, as he knew that what just went down needed to be resolved, fast.

Meanwhile, on your end. You’re a mess. Sobbing all the time, tissues are your best friend, you’ve been waiting just waiting for a message or a call, or some form of communication. You just wanted to feel wanted by your boyfriend (can you even call him that now.)  

You spent the rest of the week at your parents, immersing yourself in your work and doing ‘self care’ things, trying to forget all about the argument you and Kiyoomi had.  

One day, you receive a letter, it wasn’t delivered by a mail man though. It was slid under your door, in a golden envelope sealed with a red hot wax seal. It read:

‘Dear Y/N,

My sweetheart, im sorry for how the week has been and I know a letter with only a fraction of how I feel won’t make up for how I acted that day. But im inviting you to join me at the Gardenia Botanical Gardens at 2 pm tommorow, to celebrate our 10 year anniversary.  

I know there is a big chance, you may not want to see me and I understand but please. I love you, so so much, that words can’t even describe. But I need you to see me apologise and I need to make it up to you.  

I hope to see you there, I’d wait the whole day for you. If you don’t show, I understand.

Sincerely, Sakusa Kiyoomi

P.S The theme is ‘summer hot day, tea with the queen’ - Atsumu’

You smile at the letter, but wonder if you should actually go or not. You did want to see him of course and get this all resolved, but you had your own plans for your anniversary which wouldn’t of been spoiled if he didn’t withhold his super-secret phone calls.

It took you hours to contemplate on what to do, but you decided to just sleep on it and see how you feel tomorrow. In the morning, you knew what you wanted to do. Of course, you had to go, at least to hear him out and see if he really did cheat on you or not. For all you know he’s inviting you to tell you that he’s going to run away with his agent and his secret kids they had together. You shook the negative thoughts from your head and just repeated your mantra ‘hope for the best and prepare for the worst.’

When you got there, you didn’t exactly know where he would be but he said ‘botanical gardens’ so of course you decided to just wander around there. It was nice walking around and just smelling the roses, and seeing the pretty scenery.  

“Excuse me ma’am,” you hear someone say tugging on your leg “um that mister over there told me to give you these.” Looking down, you see a small boy who looked about the age of four with a crumpled up bunch of roses handing them to you.

“Oh thank you,” you say giving the kid a head pat “where is this ‘mister’ might I ask?”

“He’s over there!” The kid pointed behind him and you look to see Kiyoomi sitting under a white gazebo which is surrounded in your favorite flowers and the table is filled with food.

You walk over to your ‘boyfriend,’ with him not noticing your present yet. When you reach him you say “I think she stood you up buddy,” you joke making him jump abit startled.

“Y/N!” he exclaimed, instantly beaming “You came you made it!” he stood up and pulled you into a hug, which you return before you remember why you came here in the first place.

“Oh I-” he says awkwardly

You decide to sit down pulling him down with you. You kind of sit there in uncomfortable silence, for a while until you both say.

“So I-”

“What are yo-”

You both laughed at your simultaneous comments, before Kiyoomi looks at you letting you speak. “What did you want to bring me here for?”

“I didn’t want, what happened last week to happen Y/N I-” he says looking a bit panicked “It wasn’t supposed to go this way.”

“Then how was it meant to go Sakusa.”

“Y/N, please don’t call me that, I know I made you upset but pleas-” he starts before getting distracted again “Y/N, I called you here to say a few things..”

“Them being.?” you ask a bit impatiently.

“I love you. I love you so much, you don’t even understand. Ever since I saw you at my volleyball game in our first year, in the stands just cheering us on. I knew that from that day, after I scored the winning point and our eyes met, that we were destined to be together. I just love you so much Y/N”

“Omi I don’t understand I-”

“Just let me finish please, It’s taken a while for me to say this. And trust me, there’s been so many times when I wanted to just say ‘hey Y/N let’s get married,’ but I couldn’t I was scared, and I wanted it to be perfect, so perfect. Because you deserve the world Y/N. That’s why I got Empress to help, I know that our conversations may seem odd, but I love you and she knows that she just wanted to help trust me. And she did, all this wouldn’t of been done if it wasn’t for her. But anyways Y/N what I waned to say was I love you and I love you and I-” he rambles on loosing track of his words.  

But in the midst of his speech, you hear all that you needed and responded with the only way you can.

“Yes.” you say simply, with a growing smile on your face.

“Yes?” he repeats confused “What do you meann ye- ohhh" Kiyoomi blushes embarrased that after all that he ended up ruining the thought out proposal he wanted to give you with his ramble.

“Im sorry Y/N, I didn’t mean to say it like that I wanted it to be perfect and I-”

You shut him up with a kiss making his eyes widen as he reciprocates it anyways.  

“What did she say?” you hear someone shout from a far, and you look over to see the MSBY Jackals all standing there with shit eating grins on their faces.

“I said yes!” you yell back, to which they all cheer and rush towards you guys giving you both hugs and slapping Kiyoomi on the back.  

As the boys celebrate Omi finnally do what he’s been planning for ages, you get approached by Empress who awkwardly walks up to you. “ I didn’t want to leave the impression that me and Saku were any sort of thing?” she says

“Yeah I think it was definitely a big misunderstanding, it’s just that Omi was never around and whenever he was he was just talking to you and you know how it is.”

“I definitely know, I’d feel the same way if my boyfriend did that to me.”

“Oooh boyfriend?” you ask her feeling nosey on her romantic life.  

“Yeah boyfriend. You know iwaizumi hajime... the trainer?” she says smiling a bit when she said his name.

“The trainer! Nice.”

The rest of the night was fun and was basically an engagement party for you and Omi all you and friends just partying and celebrating yours and Omi’s love for each other. “Omi” you say getting his attention “Happy ten year anniversary babe”

“Happy anniversary, I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you.”

After the party you spend your months now planning for a big fat wedding, with the help of your new found bestie, Empress (who you obviously misjudged from the start.) You and Omi could never be happier, every thing was back to how it was before, maybe even better. And you definitely spent at least two Saturdays a month going out for picnics and it was now a tradition in your relationship, so in the end you did get your ‘aesthetic picnic date.’

AN: WHAT DID U GUYS THINK??

[peakyswritings]

Sham || Part III

Tommy Shelby x OC

Part I Part II Part IV Part V Part VI Part VII Final Part

Whatever they had before France was over the moment he stepped on that train. Whatever they had after Grace left for New York was consolation. And their marriage was a sham.

Summary: As Helen seems to have made up her mind, Tommy realises that he needs to try everything to keep her by his side, even though it means wearing his heart on his sleeve, showing his most vulnerable side.

Warnings: drinking, smoking, mentions of sex (nothing too graphic), angst

A/N: Hi guys! I’m sorry it took so long to update, but university is killing me. Also, this series is set between season three and four, so after Arthur, John, Michael and Polly return from jail, but before the Italians. Basically during the time (I think it was two years, but I’m not sure) Tommy doesn’t speak with his family

The gif is not mine, credits to the owner

The Garrison, 1919

The pub was full, that night. A crowd of men gathered around the stools, while a group of veterans drunkenly sang some old song in the back of the room.

It was odd, Tommy didn’t allow singing. Everybody knew and nobody would’ve dared to go against his will. But the thing didn’t seem to bother him at all as he leaned against the counter, smiling at something Grace had said.

“Are you upset?” Polly asked her, resting with her back against the chair of the small table they were sitting at.

“Why would I?”

“Because something happened, between you. Before France.”

Helen quickly turned her head toward the older woman, glancing at her. “How do you know?”

“I always know.” She replied with a knowing smirk as she took a drag from her cigarette.

“It doesn’t matter now.” She shook her head, finishing the drink in her glass. “It’s over.”

And it was, at least for Tommy; but Helen couldn’t forget the night before he left for the front, the night that changed everything, that put an end to their friendship, leaving space for something more.

She could still remember how his soft lips felt against hers, how his hands started roaming on her body, how his hot breath tingled down her neck as he whispered in her ear.

She could still remember trembling hands taking off each other’s clothes, eager eyes silently asking for permission.

He was sweet, and gentle, and caring. He made her feel loved and wanted. And beautiful.

My girlfriend, he called her, as he ran his hand through her hair while she laid with her head on his chest.

But he didn’t call her his girlfriend, when he came back, nor did he act like she was. Tommy seemed to have shut the door on what happened that night, without the slightest explanation. Too many things were left unsaid.

Maybe he didn’t mean that, when he said he loved her. Maybe he just said that because he was sure that he would die in the trenches. He had said a lot of things. Maybe he didn’t even remember them.

And now there he was, whispering something in that barmaid’s ear, looking at her the same way he used to look at Helen.

“You’re in love with him.”

Polly took one last drag before putting out her cigarette, watching as the girl in front of her avoided her eyes. She took her silence as a confirmation. “I pity you. You deserve better.”

Deep down, Helen knew she did. She deserved better than lies, than secrets, than unspoken words and unanswered letters.

Four years. He had been four years in France, and all she received was one letter. She wrote to him at least once a month, when she worked in the field hospital, under the sympathetic gaze of the other nurses, who were sure that “her soldier” was probably dead.

But that one letter gave her hope. Hope for a better future, for a better life, for better times.

And she was ashamed to admit that she still kept it. It was in her favourite book, under the flower he had given her in the summer of 1908. Helen opened that book again, when she went home, as if she wanted to make sure that they were still there. She carefully placed the pressed daisy on her desk, before taking the sheet of paper in her hand. She had almost forgot how messy Tommy’s handwriting was.

She could feel all the suffering and confusion that transpired from his words. He had probably written it quickly, his mind working faster than his hand.

My Dear Helen,

I’ve been underground for three months now. I can’t even remember how the sun feels on my face, or how the stars look. Do you remember when we used to count them, sitting in Charlie’s Yard? It seems like another life. I miss those moments.

I miss throwing rocks at your window just to spend the whole night talking on your rooftop, drinking that awful beer that I stole from Polly’s cabinet. Do you remember when your father almost caught us?

And I miss your perfume, some nights I can almost smell it. Do you still wear it?

I love you, Helen. I should have been braver, I should have told you years ago.

I’m going to marry you. If I ever come back, I’m marrying you. Do you remember our deal? I haven’t forgotten about it. I’ll make us happy. I promise.

Arrow House, 1925

“A divorce is out of the question, Helen.” Tommy argued with a firm voice, slamming his empty glass on the table.

“I’m not asking you, Thomas. I’m telling you.”

“You marry a Shelby, you stay fucking married.” He spat out, pointing a finger at her.

“But you can’t force me to stay here, can you?”

“I wouldn’t be so certain.” He retorted, raising his eyebrows, the slight tremble in his voice leaking out his nervousness.

“What are you going to do? Lock me in a room, put one of your men to guard the door?” She scoffed.

He clenched his jaw, walking closer to her. “Listen,” he stopped in front of her, his expression softening as she looked up at him. “You’re the only family I have left. John, Arthur, Polly… they hate me, Helen. I need you by my side.”

He desperately took her face in his hands, looking her in the eyes. “I need you.”

Helen brought her hands on his wrists, slowly caressing them. She closed her eyes for a moment, before moving his hands away. “Stop.” She desperately whispered, knowing that it wouldn’t take much for her to give up, again.

“What about Charlie? He needs you-”

“Don’t bring Charlie into this.” She harshly interrupted him. “Don’t use him as a weapon.”

“Then do it for me. Stay for me.”

“Tommy, I’m asking you not to be selfish. Just for once.” She begged him, holding back her tears. “If you can’t love me, let me go.”

He stayed silent for a while, just staring at her, and he found himself wondering how he could mess up so much that the one person whom he had cared about all of his life thought that he didn’t love her.

“Look,” he said all of a sudden, quickly walking towards one of the cabinets. He took a box out of it and placed it on the desk.

Helen took a few steps forward, looking at the box with a confused look on her face as he opened it. It was full of letters. He grabbed a few of them, lightly shaking them in front of him.

“All the letters you sent me when I was in France.”

She opened her mouth to say something, but she couldn’t utter a word. Until then, she had even doubted that he had ever read them.

“I still keep all of them. I’ve read them at least a thousand times. I know them all by heart.” He stated, putting them back in the box. “And this,” he continued, taking a wrinkled picture out of the same container. “This is what stopped me from giving up in the trenches.”

She blinked a few times. It was her picture. She didn’t even know he had it.

“When the night came and all I could hear was noise, and cries and screams, I looked at this.”

Tommy looked her right in the eyes, not caring about how vulnerable he looked as he openly talked to her about his feelings for her for the first time in years. “And when you told me you had volunteered as a nurse, that you were going to be sent off to some godforsaken place… Do you have any idea of how fucking scared I was? Of the terror I felt when your letters were late to arrive?” He raised his voice, as if that dread was rising to the surface again after being pushed back for too long.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” She whispered, feeling her eyes watering.

“It wouldn’t have made any difference.”

“It would.”

He sighed, letting himself fall on the chair. He rested with his elbows on his knees, staring at the wall.

“I’m losing you, aren’t I?” He asked her as a bitter, sad smile made its way on his face. “For real, this time.”

Helen shook her head, the lump in her throat growing as that new awareness made it even harder to say the words she wanted to say.

“You already lost me.”

-

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[believinghurts]

Their Daughter

Chapter 5

Author’s note: I use Grammarly to fix my mistakes, but there could still be some so sorry for that. Also, I am getting back into writing and am hoping to have a few more works out soon! Please reblog, like, or comment feedback is appreciated.

Word Count: 4,400

Warnings: None? Sirius being a d*ck? Maybe language, but I don’t think so.

Regulus wasn’t sure how much time had passed as he stroked his niece's hair. He was mad at his brother for basically throwing away the only good thing that had ever come from the Black family. Sirius was too blinded by the past to see what was right in front of him. As children, Sirius often told Regulus that he was their family's favorite and that it bothered him, but if he knew what it was like to be less loved then how can he love Harry more than Ali? He understood that Harry was Sirius's Godson, but couldn’t he love Ali and Harry equally? If Sirius made the effort maybe Ali and the other children could even be friends. His heart ached from the emotional battle that Ali was going through right now. Even if Sirius didn’t see it, he and Remus did. Ali’s light was dimmer than before and when she was lighting up again after finding out Sirius never came for her, Sirius just had to go and snuffed it out.

Carefully sliding out from under Ali and placing a pillow under her head Regulus left the room. He shut the door behind him casting a locking spell so she wouldn’t be bothered. He needed to speak with Remus first before doing anything. They needed to decide what to do about Ali. As much as Regulus wanted to spend time with her before she went back to school he didn’t want her to be this upset anymore. He walked into the study to find Remus and Nymphadora sitting near the fireplace.

“How is she?” Nymphadora blurted the question as soon as she saw her cousin. Remus had owled her after Ali had gone to her room. The older sister in her wanted to go up to Sirius and give him a piece of her mind, but she knew that it wouldn’t do any good.

“She’s asleep for now. All the fighting has exhausted her. I honestly don’t know what to do. I want her here, this is her home, but if Sirius doesn’t stop acting like the brut that he is it is going to hurt her more. Speaking of Sirius, where is he? It’s quiet.” Regulus flopped down on the chair across from Remus and Nymphadora raking a hand through his hair. His worry for Ali was causing him a headache. On one hand, he wanted to send Ali to stay at the Malfoy Manor for the remainder of summer, but on the other, he wanted to hold her close and have her stay in her home where she belonged.

“Sirius left with Harry after you went upstairs. He hasn’t been home since. The Weasleys stepped out to Diagon Alley to get the kids stuff for school.” Remus replied. He was secretly thankful that the house was mainly empty. This way at least Ali could come down if she felt like it without the chance of someone bothering her. Remus was having the same thoughts as Regulus about keeping Ali at home virus's sending her to the Manor. He just wanted his niece to be happy. The hope that he had of Sirius and Ali having the father/daughter relationship was gone. If only Remus could get Sirius to open his eyes to the pain he was causing to the girl, but Sirius was nothing if not stubborn.

���I think I am going to write to Cissa and see if she can keep Ali for the rest of summer. If that’s what it takes for her to be happy then so be it. We can see her off at the -“

“I don’t want to leave,” Ali’s voice interrupted. “I want to stay here with you. Please don’t make me leave. I can handle it, I promise.”

Ali knew that she and Regulus were going to have to talk about the fact that she called him dad, but that was a private conversation. Right now she needed to convince the adults in the room that she didn’t need to leave. She could take Sirius. Yes the words that he had said hurt her and the actions he did tonight furthered that hurt in her heart, but she was done. She didn’t owe him anything, and it was clear she knew that he didn’t want to be her father. She had meant what she said to Regulus. He was her father in all the ways that counted. He loved her unconditionally, was always there for her, and protected her.

She went and sat on the couch in between Nymphadora and Remus who wrapped an arm around her pulling her close to his chest. “It might be best if you went and stayed for the rest of the summer at the Manor, Al. This isn’t good for you mentally. We all can see how drained you are.”

“No, this is my home. I can handle it. I have you all plus the older Weasleys and Fleur. You'll protect me and if I need to get away for a little bit I’ll owl Blaise or Draco to go to Diagon Alley or something. I want to spend time with you. Times are hard right now and you never know when you are going to lose someone and I would like to have as much time with each of you just in case.”

Regulus leaned forward taking Ali’s hand in his, “Nothing, and I mean nothing is going to happen to us. I love you more than you could ever imagine and if you want to stay here you can.” Ali smiles brightly at that before Regulus cut her off, “but you have to tell me, Remus, or Severus, if anything happens. And you have to come out of your room. I am not having you locking yourself away again. Got it?”

Ali pounced on Regulus, hugging his neck tight. She was excited to spend some more time with her family. She had meant what she said about never knowing when something was going to happen. Wizards had been disappearing all over London and she was genuinely scared something was going to happen to her loved ones. She was going to make it a point to take plenty of photos and make enough memories to last a lifetime the next couple of weeks.

Regulus held his niece tight, fighting back the tears when she whispered, “Thanks, Dad,” into his ear. He had been called a lot of things in his life, but this was one title he was going to wear proudly.

Remus’s voice interrupted the moment, “wait for a second, why are you going to owl Blaise? We have an agreement, young lady, no boys till you're thirty!”

Ali’s giggle was music to those in the room with her, and for the first time that summer they all saw Ali smile at home the brightest she had since everyone arrived.

————

The rest of the day was eventful which was something that everyone was thankful for. Nymphadora left shortly after spending some time with Ali since she had something to attend to with Moody, so that left Regulus, Ali, and Remus to watch the Star Wars movies in Ali’s room. Kreacher brought them snacks while they made a fort on the floor. Ali was incredibly content laying on the mounds of pillows in between her Uncles. When she was younger they would have movie nights like this once a month until she started Hogwarts. Even then she and her friends carried on the tradition in the boy's dorm since Draco was often present at the ones hosted at home. She wished that she could have Draco over now, but knew that if she brought him here then everyone in the house would throw a fit about it, maybe it was something to bring up to Regulus later.

Molly called them all down for dinner shortly after the second film ended. Leaving the mess on the floor the trio made their way downstairs with Ali trailing behind her Uncles. She could feel her nerves spike the closer she got to the dining room. She thought about excusing herself stating she wasn’t hungry, but the loud growl in her stomach gave her hunger away. Everyone had already sat down beside Harry and Sirius when they got into the room. Regulus pulled the seat out next to him for his niece. Fleur shot her a smile when she sat down by her uncle with Charlie on her other side. At least she was sitting near someone who didn’t hate her.

Chatter and the sounds of forks on plates filled the room as everyone got their fill of Molly’s meatballs and onion sauce. Everyone broke off into separate conversations. Remus, Regulus, and Arthur talking about the Ministry, the younger Weasleys, and Hermione talking about Quidditch, Bill and Fleur about their upcoming wedding, and Charlie and Ali talking about his work in Romania. “What are you planning on doing after you leave Hogwarts?”

Ali shot a glance over at Remus who was doing a terrible job of disguising his eavesdropping on the duo. “I am thinking about becoming a professor. I like creatures obviously so I was thinking something along those lines, but I also like Herbology. So maybe that. I just know I want to teach.”

Charlie shot her a grin. “Have you thought about where? I know Hogwarts has Sprout for Herbology and Hagrid was doing Care of Magical Creatures, but you still have three more years of school so maybe they’ll need someone by the time you're done.”

Ali shrugged her shoulders. In all honesty, she wanted to leave England and travel for a bit but knew that if she brought it up now it would be a fight or something so she bit her tongue. “Maybe.”

The noise came to a halt when the door slammed open in the living room. Everyone hopped to their feet, wands at the ready. It felt like hours had passed before the intruder walked through the door. “Sirius! Harry! Merlin, you scared us all.”

“Sorry, it’s raining hard and we were in a rush to get back home.” Sirius shrugged like it wasn’t a big deal. Everyone retook their seats beside Milly who served Harry and Sirius. Ali tried her hardest to keep from looking at the latest duo that entered, not wanting to cause any more trouble or to give Sirius a reason to lash out at her.

Dinner passed rather quickly, conversations flowed in their small groups. Charlie had gone with Fleur and Bill on a scouting mission shortly after eating, while Fred and George worked on new products for their shop. Ali was in her head thinking about asking to go to meet Pansy in the coming days to look at a new book shop. Pansy wasn’t much of a reader but was always looking for an excuse to get out of her house. She was startled when she felt a hand on her shoulder. Looking up Molly was smiling softly at her while handing her a letter in a dark blue envelope. She instantly knew who the letter was from since only one person used that kind of envelope when writing her.

“This came for you, dear, when you were with your uncles. I didn't want to bother you then I almost forgot just now.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Weasley.” Ali smiled at the kind woman. Despite her feelings towards most of the Weasley children, their parents were quite nice.

Molly patted her cheek before walking off. Ali started to rip the top off when she got Regulus’s eye and he winked at her. He knew who the letter was from having met the boy a few times already. Her cheeks flushed and continued to do so while reading it.

Dear Supernova,

I hope you are surviving the dreadfulness that is upon you right now with all the people in your house. Yes, Draco told me what was going on yesterday when I finally threatened to out his crush if he didn’t explain why we hadn’t been seeing you a lot this summer. I have to say I am quite hurt that you didn’t tell me yourself. Best friends I thought. Just joking, but seriously you could have told me about him and I wouldn't have said a word to anyone.

I miss you, Supernova. We’ve only got to see each other once this summer and we both know when school starts you will have a book shoved in front of your face in the first three minutes. Could we get together sometime this week? It has been awful at home and if I have to hear Draco's voice one more time without you there to tell him off for being annoying I may throw myself off the astronomy tower.

Your uncle may not agree, but you could come to stay at mine for a night. Mother agreed to it as long as Regulus does and we have separate rooms. If you can't, maybe I can come to you? I don’t really care what the redheads have to say about me being there so don’t worry about that. We have much to catch up on; like the fact that you got Headgirl and also didn’t write and tell me. I had to find that little tidbit out from Parkinson's. Don’t worry we’ll catch up whether that's soon or on the train.

love,

Zabini

Ali felt a pang of guilt hit her square in the chest. She hadn’t meant to forget to fill Blaise in on her life but it had been so crazy recently she hadn’t got to write anyone much. In all the truth no one knew that she had gotten Headgirl. She had gotten the letter from Flitwich a few days after the Weasley’s arrived and completely forgot. Although she told her Uncles she didn’t want to go anywhere spending some time with Blaise sounded nice. Deciding to just rip the bandaid off she looked up to find Regulus and Remus looking at her with amused smiles on their faces.

“What’s you got there, Ali?” Remus asked, causing her cheeks to flame red. She wasn’t scared to say that she wanted to hang out with a boy. She did it all the time whether it was Blaise, Theo, or Draco; it was more to do with the fact that she was about to ask to spend the night at a boys' house. Even if they were going to be in separate rooms and they had fallen asleep cuddled together weeks prior at the Malfoys, something none of her Uncles knew, it was going to be a little fight to get Remus to agree as he made the ‘no dating till you’re thirty’ rule when she was five and asked for a boyfriend for Christmas.

Looking around she noticed all attention was on her even if the other adults in the room were making it seem like they weren’t listening while the children openly gawked. “Uhm,” she was cut off by Severus stepping into the room. Great, now she had to face all three Uncles. Where were Dora and Cissa when she needed them?

Severus hugged her quickly before taking a place by Regulus. “Who's the letter from Ali?” He asked her letting her know there was no getting out of it and that she was going to have to spill the beans.

“It’s from Blaise,” A look of amusement passed Regulus’s face, making her think that he knew what was in the letter already while Remus looked like he was going to snatch the letter out of her hands and read it himself if she didn’t hurry up.

“And what possibly could it say to have your cheeks looking like the inside of Gryffindor common room?” Regulus teased further.

She coughed trying to get her nerves resealed. “He was saying that we need to catch up before school starts, and invited me to come and stay with him and Mrs. Zabini for a night this week.”

Remus grunted while Regulus smiled. Ali had to hide a giggle as she noticed all the other mouths in the room had dropped to the floor. Ali knew that except for Hermione and Harry the Weasley’s never stayed or had anyone else with them.

“Can I, please? His mother said we would have separate rooms and she will be there as well as the house-elves. We only got to see one another once this summer. He said if I can’t he could come here, but honestly, I think the first option is better. Please?” She pulled out her best puppy eyes and pouty lip. She was not above begging for it but didn’t want to do so with everyone staring at her.

Regulus looked over at Remus. Ali could see the silent conversation going on between them. Regulus’s head inclined slightly toward Ali which she hoped to Merlin was a good thing. Remus looked back at his niece with a look in his eye she couldn’t read. “Rosalynn said you’ll have separate rooms?” Ali nodded her head so fast she almost gave herself whiplash. “And you’ll stay in them?” Once again she nodded, although she knew that they more than likely would be in the family room till late hours in the night. He looked back at Regulus, “you have no problems with her going?”

“No, I already knew about it. Rosalynn wrote about two days ago. If she wants to go, that's fine. You know Rosalynn will look after her as she does Blaise. And the Heavens know that boy would jump in front of the Knight Bus for Ali.” Regulus chuckled at Ali's shocked expression.

“Y-you knew? Why didn’t you say anything?” Ali struggled to get the words out.

“Rosalynn said Blaise wanted to ask you. She was just giving me a heads up, knowing how Remus is with boys and you. You know we talked quite often, Als.” Regulus winked at her.

“You may go,” Remus stated. She was shocked she didn’t have to put up more of a fight.

“WHAT?” Sirius shrieked. He knew that Regulus would let her go to the Death Eaters house, but Remus? He thought he could count on his ‘friend’ to at least say no. “You’re letting her go to the Death Eaters house? AGAIN? Who's also a boy and staying the night? Are you mad?”

Remus looked at Sirius with disdain, “No I am not. She is a good girl and Blaise has been her friend for years. Rosalynn loves her as much as we do and would never let anything happen. And for God's sake quit calling everyone a Death Eater.”

“Outrageous.”

“Sirius, you have no say in what she does. You gave that up last night. Ali is a good girl who makes good choices. Not only that but she also deserves a little something since she got Headgirl this year, don���t you think?” Regulus smirked as he saw the Granger girl's face fall.

“You got Headgirl?” Hermione whispered to Ali with disbelief lacing her voice.

“Yeah, I did. Draco got Headboy I believe, but it may be Theo. I haven’t asked yet.”

“Why do you and Draco get Head of Houses? Why not Hermione and -“ Ali cut her dear Godbrother off.

“And who? You? Ron? Why would any of you get Head of Houses with all the trouble you bring in? Sneaking out, stealing things, picking fights. We do have the highest marks in most classes as well as treat others equally unlike the likes of you.”

If looks could kill Ali would be dead three times over. In all honesty, she kinda felt bad for the younger Weasley boy seeing as all of his older brothers, bar Fred and George had been Headboy. But then she thought about the trouble he and his friends had caused her and her friends as well as others over the years. Harry preached about equality among the houses but she had witnessed many times when younger Slytherins were picked on by Gryiffndors. Hufflepuffs generally didn't have any problems with the other houses so long as everyone was being just. Ravenclaws tended to keep to themselves unless it really involved them. Whereas Slytherins preferred to stand up to those picking on other Slytherins especially the younger ones. Slytherins were always made out to be the bullies when in general if you got to know them people would notice that they are a lot more than what their parents used to be.

Ally had heard the stories of how mean James and Sirius were to those in Slytherin even if they never did anything to them. She believed in harmless fun could be had pulling pranks, but tricking someone into going to a place where a werewolf was was downright cruel. She had no doubts in her mind that James and Sirius were once good people like her Uncle Remus is now, but seeing as Sirius still acts like a child those doubts were becoming known.

“I just think that Slytherins shouldn’t be Head of House when all you will do is favor your own, and treat everyone else like dirt,” Ron stated.

“Ronald Weasley! How dare you say such a thing?!” Molly exclaimed.

“It’s alright Mrs. Weasey. I am used to hearing such things come from them and others in their house,” Ali looked Ron in the eyes, “You seem to forget that I’m a Ravenclaw, not a Slytherin. I do not favor anyone and will not when I start Head Girl duties but know this. I will give you as many detentions as you deserve if you are caught bullying, harassing, belittling, any of the other houses. You may think that Gryiffndors are the bravest of the houses and maybe you are in some ways, but you are cowardly in others. Maybe some Slytherins are as bad as you make them seem, but Harry,” she turned her head slightly to the side, “you seem to forget just which house Peter Pettigrew was in when he was the one who betrayed your parents. And Regulus was in Slytherin but seems to be more loyal to his friends and family than that rat was.”

“It seems that Alianova has given you all something to think about as you're getting ready for bed,” Molly stated looking at all the children present in the room. Her face grew red when she saw that none of them had moved a muscle. “Now.”

Harry, Hermione, Ron, and Ginny, jumped from their seats and booked it to the stairs scared of Mrs. Weasley’s wrath. At some point, Charlie, Fluer, and Bill came back from scouting. Charlie ruffled Ali’s hair causing her to grin. “Good job, kid. You’ll make a great Head Girl.” Bill and Fleur nodded in agreement. “Nothing happened while we were out. We’ll give a full debrief tomorrow, but we will be heading to bed as well. Good night everyone.”

Molly walked to Ali and pulled her up out of her chair before placing both hands on Ali’s pale cheeks. “Don’t you worry, dear, I will be talking with all of them in the morning. You made a lot of valid points, and I for one am proud that you are Head Girl.”

She kissed her forehead before taking her husband to go to bed after waving her wand to get the kitchen clean once again. Arthur offered Ali a small smile before disappearing behind his wife. Sirius scoffed at the behavior which everyone heard but chose to ignore.

Ali turned to her three Uncles, waiting for the answer about going to her friends, and the scene that just played out in the kitchen.

“I am proud of you as well, Alianova. You have done excellent, and I know it is Remus and Regulus' decision about going to Blaises’, but I see no problem with it. I will stay in the guest room. Come get me if you need me. Good night, Ali.” He hugged her tightly, making Ali tear up slightly at the thought of Servus being proud of her. It also made her giddy at the thought of rubbing it in Draco’s face since Severus is his Godfather and never said such a thing to him.

Remus followed after Servus, wrapping his niece in a bear hug around her shoulders. The height difference amusing Regulus to no end seeing as Ali only came about midway in Remus’s chest. “You may go as long as it’s okay with Reg, and you stay in separate rooms. I am a little mad though that you didn’t tell me yourself about getting Head Girl, but I am still incredibly proud of you. No one deserves this more than you do, not even Harry.” The last part was whispered in her ear. He kissed her forehead, before heading to his room.

With the three Blacks being the only ones left in the room. “I don’t think you should go.” Sirius’s voice was venomous as he thought about his only child, his legacy, spending time with Death Eaters.

“It’s a good thing it doesn’t matter what you think isn’t it?” Regulus smirked at his older brother. He was not going to take this away from his child. “Ali, you may go so long as you stay in your separate rooms whenever the two of you decide to go to sleep because I know from having all your mates over it will be late.” He walked to Ali cradling her freckled face in his hands. “I am so proud to call you my daughter. Even after all that you have been through in your life you have still managed to form your own beliefs and thoughts as well as stand up for them. You deserve Head Girl over anyone else, and hopefully, you get to share it with one of your friends.”

Ali dove into her Uncle's chest. Tears welling up into her eyes at the thought that he really did think of her as his own even if she already knew it. It was nice to hear out loud. “Thank you for everything you’ve done for me. I love you, dad.” She kissed his cheek before heading to her room to write Blaise.

Sirius felt his anger sore to new heights when he heard Ali call Regulus dad. He had enough courtesy to wait till she was out of earshot before grounding out, “We need to talk, Regulus.”

[robininthelabyrinth]

Imagine if Meng Shi begged and bargained and collected favors till she was able to send her A-Yao to education with the Lan Sect, perhaps even become a cultivator with them. Would he take that change? Would he become a rogue cultivator? Would the strict rules help curb his inner muderimpuls or enrage him or teach him to hide better?

A Good Fit - ao3

“The…Lan sect?” Meng Yao said doubtfully. “Are you sure?”

“I am sure,” his mother said, her mouth tight. She looked upset, the way she always did these days when he referenced, intentionally or otherwise, the original plan that she had had to send him to join his father, sect leader of Lanling Jin. She’d raised Meng Yao on a steady diet of stories of what his life would be like when his father finally took him back the way he’d promised her he would, stories that had filled his days and nights for years and years and years, and then just last year she’d suddenly stopped talking about it entirely. It was as if the person who’d told those stories had nothing to do with her.

Meng Yao didn’t know what had happened, but he assumed it must have been pretty bad.

“It'll be a good fit,” she added.

“Then I’ll go to the Lan sect,” he said, and pretended not see the way his mother relaxed a little, relieved that he wasn’t asking too many questions. “I’ve heard they are gentlemen there, righteous but gentle; it will be the best match for my personality, I’m sure.”

A lie, of course. ‘Gentlemen’ were just as likely to come to the brothel as brutes, and they were all the same once they had a cup of wine and a beauty in their arms – Meng Yao tried not to have any illusions.

“Can we afford it?” he asked instead, since that was something he was sure his mother would have thought of, would have expected him to ask. “Gusu is so far away…”

“I have obtained a letter from the local sect recommending you to their sect leader, Lan Qiren,” she said. “He’s the one that teaches the classes – the one that sent out the summons asking the subsidiary sects to look for individuals with raw talent to join his classes and offering them an extra seat for their sects for each nameless orphan they find that lives up to Lan sect standards. Only the Heavens know why he’s doing something like that…I assume they’re trying to expand.”

That seemed like the most reasonable explanation. Meng Yao nodded. “So I’ll be traveling with the local sect?”

“That’s right,” his mother said, and raised her chin a little. “At least this much, your mother was able to do for you.”

She’d begged and bargained and traded favors for it, then, Meng Yao thought, and yet taking him along was to their own benefit: if they were looking for inherited cultivation talent sufficient for the Lan sect, then the bastard son of another Great Sect leader would be a better bet than some random nobody. She’d probably humiliated herself for nothing.

“Will you come with me?” he asked, more concerned with that – it was too easy for women of ill repute to disappear into the depths of the city if they didn’t have someone to watch out for them.

Even someone as young as he was. He wished he was older.

“You can come back to visit me during the Spring Festival,” she said, which meant no. “I’ll be all right, A-Yao.”

Meng Yao wasn’t so sure.

Still, not having him around would at least remove a visible reminder of his mother’s age – she’d been kicked out of the better brothels because of him, because no one wanted a woman who was a mother. Leaving would at least do that for her.

“I’ll write,” he finally said. “I’ll write as often as they let me.”

“And I’ll write back,” she promised him, kissing his cheek. “I promise.”

With that, Meng Yao supposed he had to be satisfied.

-

The Lan sect was both exactly like what Meng Yao expected and absolutely nothing at all like anything he could have dreamt.

For the first, his cynicism was almost immediately confirmed: the boys raised there were snobby as anything, looking down at the rest of them as little better than barbarians, and many of the adults were the same way. It was clear that this whole business of recruiting talented nobodies was a project of the sect leader’s – the interim sect leader, no less, not even the real thing – and nobody else’s; they were only just barely going along with it. Adding to that the fact that there were dozens if not hundreds of rules, and Meng Yao could glumly foresee a future of having his lack of knowledge held over his head as a fault, even with his marvelous memory to act as his backing.

For the second…

Well, there was Lan Xichen, who was – as unbelievable as it seemed – to actually embody all those things that people said about gentlemen, all kindness and gentleness and fierce upright pride, except only for real. There was Lan Wangji, who was basically perfect in every way and kinder than he gave the impression he was, willing to help tutor anyone who asked if only they dared disturb his solitude long enough to do so. There was the boy Meng Yao shared a room with, Su She, who’d punched the boy from the Yunping cultivator clan in the mouth for calling Meng Yao a son of a whore and pretended it was because they weren’t allowed to talk about that sort of thing, when actually it’d been because he hadn’t wanted rumors to get around that might make Meng Yao’s life harder in the future.

There was Lan Qiren, who was strict and a little boring but fair, painfully fair, handing out punishments with an equitable hand no matter that it meant that he was punishing the locals as often if not more often. It’d been his idea to bring people like Meng Yao into the Lan sect, and defending the idea was the only time he truly seemed moved to passion. Now that they’d passed the initial examination and been judged to match Lan sect standards, Lan Qiren announced, as far as he was concerned, they were Lan sect just as if they were born there, as if they’d been children of his own.

And he even seemed to really believe it, too.

Today, Meng Yao’s head was still warm from when the stern Teacher Lan had put his hand there, gentle and approving, and his ears still burning from the murmured “Well done, Meng Yao, as expected.”

“I think I would kill someone for him,” Meng Yao said dreamily to Su She, who snorted.

“You’ve got such father issues,” he said disdainfully, as if he didn’t have entire family issues. That was just Su She’s way, though – he bitched and moaned and complained without end, and he’d probably kill someone for Meng Yao if Meng Yao so much as hinted it was something he’d want. They’d made friends for a reason. “You know the bit about the poor kids being his own children is a lie, right?”

“I know which sect’s leader is my father, thanks,” Meng Yao said, rolling his eyes. “I’m well aware it’s not Teacher Lan. Like he’d ever have kids of his own, anyway.”

“That’d require noticing when someone’s flirting with him,” Su She agreed, all solemn for just a moment, and then he dissolved into sniggering giggles. Meng Yao couldn’t blame him: it was, in fact, extremely funny when women (and sometimes men) tried to flirt with Teacher Lan, mostly because of the way that he very genuinely and completely missed that that was what was happening each and every time.

“Laugh all you like,” Meng Yao said peaceably. “You’d kill for him, too.”

“Probably,” Su She agreed. “But only because of you.”

That was fair enough. After getting the lay of the land, Meng Yao had arranged for them to ��accidentally’ be overheard by Teacher Lan while talking about the misconduct of one of the teachers who was the most biased against guest disciples, one of the ones that had been harassing Su She in particular for over a year before Meng Yao had arrived, and despite Su She’s initial nervousness about the plan, it had all gone splendidly. Sure, they’d been punished to do five copies of a treatise on upright conduct because they’d breached Talking behind the backs of others is prohibited, but the teacher in question had been sentenced to two hundred strikes with the discipline rod for abusing his position and three months of enforced seclusion to contemplate his misbehavior, and then, Teacher Lan had said, his expression dark and threatening, they could discuss what role would be the best fit in the future.

The other teachers had taken notice and shaped up very quickly, after that.

Comparatively, those five copies made in the nice cool Library Pavilion instead of having to do chores on the hottest days of summer? Practically a pat on the back for bringing it to his attention.

Su She would never have dared to raise anything if it was just him, Meng Yao thought; he had a strange fear of authority figures that combined envy and misery in an explosive combination – he would have just suffered and suffered and suffered until he’d been pushed too far and then it would have all burst out at once. He wasn’t like Meng Yao, who was unwilling to keep to his “proper” place and was more than willing to use his greater-than-average share of brains to get what he wanted, no matter what rules he broke in the process. He was the sort of person who was willing to do whatever it took to obtain his desires – no matter what it took.

Well, maybe not no matter what. He wouldn’t want to disappoint Lan Qiren too much.

(Okay, so maybe Su She was right and he had some unresolved father issues. So what if he did? Whose business was it but his?)

-

It’d taken Meng Yao a while to fully adjust to the Cloud Recesses.

Some parts he’d figured out right away – the way they all flattered themselves as gentlemen even if they were actually little more than hypocrites (Teacher Lan and his personally taught nephews exempted, of course), which of course meant that Meng Yao’s ability to act pitiful at the drop of a hat and cleverly turn black into white made him a teacher’s pet at once. The vegetarian meals were easy enough to adapt to, given that his mother hadn’t had the money for meat all that often, and the training and cultivation and all that wasn’t any challenge for his excellent powers of retention – he had ambitions of becoming one of Teacher Lan’s aides one day, and worked assiduously towards that goal. Even waking and sleeping early, which was practically the opposite of his schedule at home, was something he could adjust to, given time and incentive.

It was his mentality that took some time to adjust.

Meng Yao had perhaps grown up with too many of his mother’s stories, painting an image of a matchless paradise – at the start, he looked at everything around him, serene and elegant but not quite as rich and shining and thought that it would do, for now. When he’d first arrived, he had had every intention of making a good reputation for himself and using that reputation to get his real father’s attention – he’d liked Teacher Lan from the beginning, despite his best attempts to not let his heart be swayed, but he’d reasoned that if a teacher was like this, then a blood-related father would be even better.

And so, for the first half-year, he’d treated his time at the Cloud Recesses…not lightly, no. He was extremely serious about making sure to get the maximum benefit he could. And yet, at the same time, he still was not really committing himself to the place.

This wasn’t where he was going to live his whole life, he reasoned; it was just a stepping stone to a better future. That meant he would exert himself to point out things that made him look good, to eliminate obstacles in his path, to win himself allies, but not bother with those longer-term problems, the ones that really ought to be fixed but which would take a great deal of effort with little reward other than annoying people.

His feeling of superiority and emotional distance lasted right up until the first discussion conference.

From a distance, Jin Guangshan was everything Meng Yao could have imagined – perhaps a little too similar to the clients that his mother often saw, a little dissolute to pull off the air of a refined scholar he affected, but wearing more gold than Meng Yao had ever seen in his life, with a retinue of servants that dwarfed the other sect’s. Each of those servants were dressed more finely than even main clan cultivators in some of the smaller sects, and though Meng Yao’s Lan sect guest disciple clothing was of such quality that he didn’t need to fear their disdain, he couldn’t help but be secretly impressed.

He'd exerted himself more than usual to trade away all of his chores and duties, freeing himself up to take on patrol duty near the Jin sect. He’d perhaps daydreamed about some sort of encounter – nothing active on his part, of course, but he couldn’t quite resist playing through some fantasy of catching someone’s eye by chance, getting called over, a “You have a familiar set to your chin, who’s your father?”, a shy halting admission, recognition, a joyous reunion…

Instead, his father spent the entire night getting drunk and cursing the Lan sect’s hospitality for not providing him with girls to go with his liquor, calling Lan Qiren a miserable prude with a stick up his ass right in front of the Lan sect disciples that clenched their fists in barely concealed rage. He’d seen Meng Yao all right, ordered him to come forward, but it’d only been to mock him in front of all of his servants – and not even for being his bastard son, no, that would involve bothering to pick him out from the crowd or to ask who he was. No, he’d mocked him simply for being one of the poor disciples that Lan Qiren had taken in, all because his accent was marked with the distinct tones of Yunping rather than the sweetness of Gusu.

“Tell me, boy,” he said, breathing fumes into Meng Yao’s face and making him feel suddenly as if he’d never left the brothel – that the Cloud Recesses had all been a vague dream, and now he’d woken up and lost it all. “How does that old fart Qiren expect you to pay him back for all he’s done for you? I heard the Lan sect includes a pretty face as one of its standard requirements…”

Meng Yao put his gaze above his father’s head and pretended to be deaf.

“It seems like rather a lot of effort,” one of his father’s attendants remarked. “Even if Second Master Lan wanted a boy to warm his bed, couldn’t he just buy one like any normal person?”

“Bah, boys,” his father said, and leaned back, waving his hands in dismissal. “Why would anyone bother with a boy when you could have a soft woman instead? Just as long as they’re stupid enough – you know, there’s nothing worse than a woman who’s talented and knows it, too smart, always trying to get above their station…”

“You’re thinking about that whore in Yunping again, aren’t you? The one that interrupted your dinner and made a scene, claiming you’d promised to take in the son she bore you?” the attendant said, laughing. “I told you, you should’ve just killed her for her impudence rather than just having her beaten and thrown out. That way the matter wouldn’t still be bothering you…”

“Go away, boy,” another servant said to Meng Yao, who was frozen stiff in belated terror, nausea churning in his stomach as he realized his mother could’ve gone out one day and never come back, and he would never have known why – or maybe it was that he’d been spending his considerable time and brain on pleasing someone who would have done that, who nearly had done that. “Your accent’s brought back bad memories, don’t you see?”

Meng Yao left.

No, to be more blunt: he fled. He ran away, hot tears filling his eyes until he couldn’t see – belly full of regret and disappointment, crushed dreams feeling like broken shards of glass in his mouth and throat.

He tried to tell himself that it was better to find out now, when they were still distant, before he'd sold his soul for the futile chance to get that horrible man's affection, but he couldn't quite throw off the shame of knowing that if he hadn't heard such a thing up front, he probably would have done that. Would have humiliated himself like that, and for what? A man who regretted not murdering his mother?

He ran right into Lan Wangji, who was also on patrol.

Lan Wangji took one look at him and grabbed his wrist, dragging him away from the main pathway and all the way to his uncle’s rooms.

Lan Qiren was still awake despite the late hour, writing something at his desk, but he set aside his brush at once. “What’s going on?” he asked, frowning. “Wangji – Meng Yao – one of you report.”

“Meng Yao was on patrol by the Jin sect,” Lan Wangji explained as Meng Yao furiously tried to dash away his tears using his sleeve.

“Who permitted that? First year disciples aren’t permitted to patrol during discussion conferences,” Lan Qiren asked, his frown deepening. “It wouldn’t be proper – ah, but no, I recall now. I suppose it was inevitable. Wangji, well done, and thank you. You are dismissed.”

After Lan Wangji left, he turned his eyes on Meng Yao.

“You volunteered, didn’t you?” he asked.

Meng Yao felt his back go cold: Lan Qiren knew, then. It had never been said out loud by anyone as far as he knew, and yet it was clear that Lan Qiren knew who his father was – and probably his mother, too.

He knew that Meng Yao was – that he wasn’t anything more than –

“You are one of my most promising disciples, Meng Yao,” Lan Qiren told him, and poured him a cup of tea from his own pot, pressing it into his hands. It was finer tea than Meng Yao had ever had in his life, full of smoke and flavor. “The rules say Be loyal and filial, but they also praise reciprocity. You have not been recognized, and have not received your forefathers’ grace. You can fulfill your obligations to chivalry through your respect for the parent that raised you.”

Meng Yao stared down at the teacup. Lan Qiren had completely misunderstood the nature of Meng Yao’s concern – he was disappointed in what his father was, not worried about not living up to his obligations of being a filial child. And yet it was a little nice to hear that as far as Lan Qiren was concerned, the rules said that he could tell his father go hang for all he cared…

And that he ought to honor his mother, which was something no one who knew her had ever said to him.

“Even if she –” His voice stuttered. “Even if she’s a…”

He couldn’t say the word.

“Appreciate the good people is not qualified by class or profession,” Lan Qiren said, and his monotone voice was blissfully without emotion, as if this were just another lesson in class, and not the deepest hurt of Meng Yao’s life. “I have never met your mother, Meng Yao, but you are a good child – diligent, organized, sincere, with good judgment, and you clearly adore her. That tells me everything I need to know.”

Meng Yao burst into tears.

-

Meng Yao liked Lan Xichen a lot, but he also had to admit that sometimes, the older boy was, well…

“Dumb as a pile of rocks,” Su She announced.

“Do not criticize other people,” Meng Yao said piously, but then chuckled, shaking his head. “Say, rather, that he’s naïve and sheltered, and overly inclined to believe the best in people.”

“Like I said: dumb as rocks. How many times is going to get himself swindled into being someone’s sword or shield before he figures out that the problem is him?”

“Some people don’t have the capacity to understand the depths of humanity’s foulness –”

“Yeah, dumb ones.”

“Su She, please.” Su She held up his hands in surrendered. “At any rate, if Lan-gongzi is going to keep falling for people’s tricks, it’s beholden on us to help protect him.”

“You just don’t want Teacher Lan to be sad about something serious happening to his nephew,” Su She said knowingly, but he was already nodding. “All right, what are we going to do about it? He outranks us. We can’t exactly tell him to his face that he’s being…”

He paused.

Dumb as rocks went unsaid, but then, it didn’t need to be said out loud for the meaning to be clear.

Meng Yao sighed.

“You can only trick someone so many times,” he said. “If we want to keep him from getting tricked by other people, then we have to trick him first. And better.”

“What do you mean?”

“Lan-gongzi likes to save people,” Meng Yao explained. “He really sees himself as a chivalrous gentleman – he puts chivalry first, even though Teacher Lan says Learning comes first. That’s why he always sides with whoever he perceives to be the underdog in a given situation, no matter how wrong that impression is. That’s how most of the people who’ve been tricking him have gone for it: playing the victim, appealing to his sense of righteousness, pulling the curtains over his eyes to obscure what’s actually happening.”

“Okay. So?”

“So, we’ve both got miserable backstories – you being taken from your family at a young age and then bullied, me with my mother and, even worse, father. If we get him on our side, early on, he’ll side with us over anyone else – that way we can keep him from getting roped into other people’s private grudges.”

Su She frowned. “That seems a little manipulative.”

“It’s for his own good, and that’s what’s important,” Meng Yao said, and smiled faintly. “Wouldn’t you agree, Lan-er-gongzi?”

Su She jumped, turning around just in time to see Lan Wangji, who had been standing in the shadow of a nearby tree, step out.

He had a serious expression, as always, but a thoughtful one.

Meng Yao waited patiently.

“You cannot take advantage,” Lan Wangji finally said, and Meng Yao knew he’d won the most important ally in the battle to save Lan Xichen from himself. “That would change it from a virtuous act to a selfish one.”

“Like we need anything from him,” Su She said haughtily. “Maintain your own discipline.”

“Arrogance is forbidden.”

“It’s not arrogance if it’s justified! It’s just self-confidence!”

“Do not argue with family,” Meng Yao quoted, and was pleased to see both of them drop it at once. “Listen, we all share the same goal, and we have to start somewhere, don’t we? We’re stronger together than apart. Together, we can do anything, even protect Lan-gongzi.”

That and more, he thought as the other boys nodded, following his lead. Lan Xichen is just the start.

-

“The Wen sect will make trouble sooner rather than later,” Meng Yao said thoughtfully, one day. His friends turned to look at him. “Yes, I’m serious.”

Lan Wangji nodded, serious as always, but Su She scoffed.

“You can’t even convince that Wei Wuxian boy to leave poor Lan-er-gongzi alone,” he said snidely. “How exactly are you expecting to bring down the Wen sect?”

“I don’t convince Wei Wuxian to leave Lan-er-gongzi alone because Lan-er-gongzi doesn’t want to be left alone,” Meng Yao said. “Obviously. Isn’t that right?”

“You should call me by name,” Lan Wangji said, which wasn’t answering the question and definitely wasn’t denying anything. “You were saying, about the Wen sect?”

Meng Yao smiled.

-

“What brings one of Teacher Lan’s most promising disciples to the Unclean Realm?” Nie Mingjue said, peering at him thoughtfully. “You’re at the wrong time to be one of the usual messengers.”

Meng Yao smiled at him.

“I think you’ll find that we have similar goals, Sect Leader Nie,” he said. “When it comes to making sure that certain people in our lives don’t get hurt by the bad decisions of others, I mean. In your case, it’s your younger brother, who’s a friend of mine –”

Friend, source of information, it was all about the same thing in the end. Meng Yao didn’t have real friends outside the Lan sect, but he’d been very careful to cultivate good relationships with all his most important peers.

“- and for me, well. A teacher for day, a father for a lifetime. I’m sure Sect Leader Nie can understand the importance of protecting one’s father – right?”

“You don’t need to use any sophistry on me,” Nie Mingjue said, rolling his eyes. “If you have an idea on what we can do to stop the Wen sect before they go and burn someone’s house down, I’m all ears.”

By chance, Meng Yao did.

It was a good plan, too, daring and brave in equal measure. If it worked the way he hoped it would, he’d win enough fame to get Jin Guangshan to beg for him to join the Jin sect – not that he would, of course.

Meng Yao knew what he wanted, and he knew how he was going to get it, too.

-

“This is a lovely house, A-Yao,” Meng Shi said, running her hand along one of the soft tapestries on the wall. “Truly lovely. Whoever you rented it from has good taste.”

Meng Yao bowed. “Thank you for the compliment, Mother. I put a lot of thought into it.”

“You own it?” she asked, surprised. “But don’t you live up the mountain, with the sect?”

“I do. This is for you.”

“For – me? A-Yao! This is too much – how much must it have cost–”

“I saved the Lan sect’s core texts from being destroyed,” Meng Yao said. “I’m an inner sect disciple now – I could ask for a dozen houses like this, and they’d grant them to me without blinking twice. Teacher Lan would insist on it.”

“Teacher Lan,” his mother murmured. “That’s the one you’ve taken to treating as your own father, isn’t it? You’ve spoken so much of him, in your letters…”

“There’s no need to scheme,” he told her. “He wouldn’t notice your flirtations, anyway.”

His mother arched her eyebrows at him.

“He’s really oblivious.”

“Still…”

“Really no need,” Meng Yao said, and couldn’t help but smile at the memory of Lan Qiren pulling him into a hug when he realized that the books – and Lan Xichen – were all safe from the Wen sect’s attempt to burn down the Cloud Recesses, and, later, again, that Wen Ruohan was dead. He may have deliberately schemed for that second hug, and he might or might not have plans for more. “He already takes me as a son.”

His mother relaxed.

“Good,” she said, and smiled herself. “So, A-Yao, was I right, all those years ago? Was the Lan sect a good fit for you?”

“Yes, Mother,” Meng Yao said. “Yes, it was.”