#these were from sunday but it's been a while since i posted a selfie so. woe. pics be upon ye

[actualbird]

me with my baby boys

[hypnofur1]

The Thanksgiving Problem

By Hypnofur

I laughed when I got the picture from my wife on my phone. I texted back, asking her who took it, as it was a picture of her and her friend Paulina strolling down the street together. It was clear that someone had taken it for them, as it wasn’t a selfie.

My wife Alison texted back that Paulina had some girl on the street take it for her. She said that she liked the pictures she posted to look ‘authentic’, and that meant ‘candid’ shots taken by someone else, not selfie. Had I been with Alison, I would have gone on a rant about how not only did this picture not look authentic, but there was nothing authentic about Paulina at all. I hadn’t been a fan since college, and Alison knew that. However, that rant was a lot to type, so I just let it go, and instead asked Alison if she had forgotten her coat.

She texted back that indeed she did, as she had been in Houston too long, and totally forgot that Chicago would be cold in late November. Paulina let her borrow one of her little fur jackets. Despite that, the two of them still looked so different in this picture. Paulina also had a little fur jacket on, but with leather pants and leather boots. Her hair and make up was done to perfection, and she had a “I’m not even aware my photo is being taken” look on her face that she had clearly practiced many times.

Alison, in contrast, was in jeans and sneakers and looked out of place in a fur jacket. She looked right at the camera and laughed, likely a bit embarrassed about how silly it all was. As had been the case since college, despite all of Paulina’s glam, Alison was just prettier. Her looks were natural. I had pointed out many times that she was the prettier of the two, but she never believed it. She just thought it was the husband in me talking.

What the husband in me was actually doing was killing time “babysitting” the kids. Yes, I know it is not actually babysitting if they kids are your own. But, whatever, there was one of me and two of them and they were energetic as all hell. I was actually at the trampoline park at the time of this exchange.

I was annoyed that Alison had to fly to Chicago on the weekend before Thanksgiving to be with Paulina to help her though her (latest) divorce. With that said, the original ‘ask’ was for Alison to come spend the actual Thanksgiving in Chicago with her. We were hosting this year, so luckily that was out right from the get go. So, when that didn’t pan out, the weekend before Thanksgiving was the consolation. It was only really for a night, since there was a Saturday morning flight out, and a Sunday night flight back.

Alison kept texting me though out the evening. Telling me about the fancy restaurant, etc. Paulina was loaded. I was trying to keep up with the texts, but I had baths, dinner, bed times, etc. It was busy, and I was exhausted. Again, I know I shouldn’t admit that taking care of my own kids by myself for one day was exhausting, but damn… it was. I conked out on the couch shortly after getting them to sleep.

I awoke at close to 5am. I decided I would head up to my actual bed, as the kids typically woke up around 7. I checked my phone, and saw a ton of texts and a few emails from Alison.

The first few were about a group of guys they met while out. Alison said they were the typical dumb 40 somethings out on the town. Probably all divorcees. Then she wrote how Paulina was eating up the attention. No surprise there, that was her typical behavior. Then again, I would think most women going through a divorce would try to get some attention to feel better for a little bit. No biggie.

I scanned through a bunch of the other texts, they were mostly describing the dudes. I imagined Alison was more comfortable looking at her phone than talking to these guys, so the play by play made sense to me.

She started talking about how this one guy named Joe was a hypnotist. Pretty soon, most of the texts and play by play became about that.

She texted how Paulina was teasing him, and there was going to be a demonstration right there at the bar.

The next text seemed to be fifteen or so minutes later. Alison said that she couldn’t believe it, but Paulina was actually hypnotized. Apparently, she thought she was a cat, and climbed up into Joe’s lap.

I would have actually loved to have seen that. It would have been fun to see Ms. SuperCool Paulina do something embarrassing with a nerdy dude. Fortunately, a picture of her on the guy’s lap was next. Damn, she was really on him. This was crazy.

A few minutes later, there was a text that said, heading back to Paulina’s, and a complaint that the hypnotist guy got Paulina to invite them all back. I could tell that despite the fact that this text was now like 6 hours old, Alison was nervous. This wasn’t her scene. I didn’t like it either. She (we) didn’t know these guys. What if one of them was an axe murderer or something?

The next text was like an hour later. Paulina had taken her phone, and at least announced herself via text, so I knew who was typing. She asked if I wanted to see my wife get hypnotized. It was a rhetorical question, not only because it was asked hours ago, but also because it was immediately followed by a link.

I looked at the text of the link. It appeared to be some type of dark web youtube for people that were into hypnosis in a sexy way? Hypno-fetishists, I guess? My stomach flip flopped as I realized that this Joe guy must be some sort of hypno porn producer or something. Oh fuck.

However, this was my wife, and I had to figure out what kind of danger she (and we) were in, so I had no choice but to click the link.

In the video, Alison was standing in Paulina’s kitchen. She didn’t look comfortable. She still had Paulina’s fur jacket on, as if she was going to leave at any moment. Now, I knew that she was staying at Paulina’s condo, so she really didn’t have anywhere else to go, but she was clearly trying to give off a closed vibe. Two other guys were just standing there, and the Joe guy came up to her. I assumed the third guy was now holding the camera. Meanwhile, Paulina was just standing there, staring at this little, fat, Joe dude like he was the most interesting man in the world. This all looked so unsafe.

I became wracked with guilt. How could I have fallen asleep? I should have been texting with her. I should have been there to keep her safe!

“Well, Alison,” Joe said. “Earlier, at the bar, you seemed to think this was all nonsense. I’ve got to ask, do you believe in hypnosis now, after seeing your friend fall under my spell?”

“Maybe,” Alison said. “I guess, on the right person. On someone like Paulina at least.” She said. I know she never thought of Paulina as being that bright. I agreed with that assessment.

“That’s true, that’s true,” Joe said, nodding. “Though I would argue that more people are actually in that ‘right person to be hypnotized’ group than one would think”

Alison shrugged. She looked like she so desperately did not want to be there.

“And you don’t think you are one of those people, I’m guessing. You know, from your body language and stuff” Joe asked.

“I have to travel tomorrow. I think we should wrap all of this up. Don’t you Paulina?,” Alison said to her friend.

“Paulina wants me to stay. She wants to see if you can be hypnotized. Paulina, tell her that.” Joe interrupted, without breaking his gaze on Alison.

“I want him to stay. You should try to be hypnotized Al” Paulina said, similarly not breaking her gaze on Joe.

“See? We are all friends here Alison. I’d like to be your friend. Here,” Joe said, extending his hand. “Let’s shake on it.”

Warily, Alison took his hand and he shook it, up and down, slower than a casual handshake, rhythmic, like an undulating wave through her whole arm. She clearly wasn’t sure if she should pull it away or not.

“Just follow my lead and relax,” Joe said. “Focus on the swaying sensation. Pretend it’s a soothing wave. Like laying back in a waterbed. Feeling the sensation all around you, and letting it move your body. Very good.

“As I raise and lower your arm, I want you just to focus your eyes on me. If you don’t know where to look, that’s okay. Most people look at my eyes. They say they’re sky-blue. Or like sapphires. Focus on the blue in my eyes.

“You’re doing wonderfully,” Joe said, his voice deepening into a soothing tone. “All you have to do is relax and focus on my eyes. On the sensation of drifting with the waves. You may notice by now that as you continue to look into my eyes, there is a heavy, drowsy feeling occurring in your eyes. Like staying up all night and trying to keep them open the next day. So difficult to do.

“In fact, each time I raise your arm upward, like this,” Joe said, as he raised her arm, before lowering it. “That heaviness in your eyes will become stronger. That’s fine. That means you’re doing it right and everything’s okay.”

I watched my phone as Alison’s eyes hooded, closing more with each time her arm rose.This can’t really be working, I thought as I watched the video from a couple hours ago.

“As your eyes begin to close,” Joe continued. “You feel the desire to let them close get stronger. It’s perfectly safe. Like slipping into a warm bed after a long, hard day’s work. All your body wants to do is relax and drift. Your eyes are closing all the way now. You want this relaxation. You feel it, warm and heavy, floating through your body. Feel it happening, Alison.”

Joe pulled on my wife’s hand, making her fall into him, head pressed against his shoulder. I couldn’t believe she was that… close… to a stranger.

Then Joe whispered into her ear, as I turned up the volume on my phone to max, desperate to hear what he was telling her. I couldn’t get anything though. Then, he put his hands on her shoulders and placed her in a standing position, like a limp doll. She stood straight, her hands at her sides, head down, and eyes closed.

“My friends,” Joe announced to the guys in the room, and to a degree, Paulina. “Our new friend Alison is now in a deep hypnotic trance.”

I was absolutely scared shitless. I had no fucking clue what I should do.

On the video, Joe stood close to Alison, whispering deep into her ear, and his hands wrapping her lower waist. “Alison,” he said, the microphone picking him up again, “You are deeply hypnotized right now. It feels absolutely wonderful. You’ve never felt better in your life. So relaxed, so happy. You’re in a safe place and trust me completely. In fact, you can only hear my voice.

“And because you trust me completely, you know it’s safe to believe everything that I tell you. You follow all of my instructions without question. You are completely under my hypnotic control, and you are no longer in control. Do you understand? If so, repeat it back to me now.”

“I am no longer in control,” my wife said to this stranger.

“Very good,” Joe said. “And it feels amazing. Better than anything you can remember. You love this feeling more than anything, don’t you?”

“Yes!” Alison said enthusiastically.

I saw Joe the asshole glance over at his buddies with a mischievous look. That video ended there. I felt like I couldn’t breathe.

I frantically went to the next text in the chain. This time I could tell it was Alison texting and not Paulina. She told me how she tried smoking ‘Hypno Weed’ and she loved it. There was also a quick clip of her holding a regular Aquafina water bottle that she must have been told was some kind of bong. Fuck. That was the last text, and this sure as hell wasn’t heading to a good place.

Now frantic, I tried calling several times before I received a text saying that was clearly from Joe. He callously told me how beautiful my wife was and what a lucky guy I am. He then asked if I had watched all of the linked videos.

Shit! What did this fucker do?

I quickly went into my email and clicked the first link; Alison was lying on her back naked and the phone was zoomed in on her, she had a huge smile on her face as she was getting fingered and moaning really loud. Alison then asked Joe to “put your cock back in my mouth please.” I couldn’t fucking believe it.

He quickly spun up next to her and started feeling her tits with one hand while videoing her naked body, my wife then reached out to his cock and started to jerk him off saying “I love your cock Master Chicago HypnoJoe”…

30 seconds went by before she took his cock in her mouth. He started to moan as she blew him, this lasted about two minutes before she pulled his dick out and licked it bottom to top. While he was fingering her pussy, I heard him say “who do you belong to?”

"I belong to you, Master Chicago HypnoJoe" she moaned loudly. My heart broke.

Alison played with his dick for about a full minute while he touched her all over and she moaned, grunted and started begging “Fuck me, fuck me please!” In all our years together, she had never, ever been that needy for sex. It was almost unfathomable to me. Seeing her so… wanton… affected me, I’m ashamed to say.

I realized I had started playing with my own incredibly rock hard dick, but to state I was pissed and shocked is an understatement. I could not believe what I was seeing after 12 years together, was this the mother of my children? The girl I loved dearly, so deeply under this creep’s hypnotic control? The video went black.

As sweat dripped down my brow, I clicked to the next video and Alison was on all fours as he was giving it to her from behind, her ass cheeks were spread wide open and sticking up in the air. I heard her begging for it harder, telling him to go deeper and faster. He was grunting that he was about to cum.

Alison started moaning back at him that she wanted to taste him. Out of breath, he told her to get on her knees. She quickly rolled off his cock and spun to the side of the bed, he dropped the phone and I heard moans as the video ended.

The next video again had my precious wife on her knees as Joe was sitting on the bed. I heard female moans from the person holding the iphone, and I realized it must have been Paulina. Alison was blowing Joe while he held the back of her head, she was sucking, licking, moaning and begging for more of his “hypno cock”.

I heard her mutter “I wanna taste your cum again”. He was shifting side to the side as she was clearly taking him deep, using her tongue like a pro and working towards a climax. That’s when I realized this must have been a fair amount of time after the previous video. Enough for fucking Joe to be able to get hard again.

I'm lucky to get one blow job a year, but here she was begging for him to cum in her mouth for a second time in one night! Soon I watched as she appeared to swallow his cum and he fell back, in orgasmic bliss as she worshipfully cleaned his cock.

When that video ended, I realized I had to hope and pray that this doesn't end up on some amateur porn website. But from the looks of his Chicago HypnoJoe site, things did not bode well. We are well known in our suburban community here. It could be really bad if this got out.

The fourth video was aimed at the two of them as Alison bounced up and down on top of him, they were embraced in a chair kissing passionately as she rode him. They went hard and fast for a few minutes before she started to orgasm, she let out some of the loudest cries of pleasure I have ever heard.

I texted back some swears to Joe, telling him I was going to the police. He texted back, and I could just tell he was laughing at me. He was rather confident that I would not go to the police.

He then texted me a picture of Alison using the Aquafina water bottle as a bong again. A text followed that she ‘looooves’ hitting the hypno weed.

I responded with more swears. They didn’t seem to rattle him. He just told me that she wouldn’t miss her plane, but for me to expect responses to be very limited until she arrives back in Houston. He was right, as that was the last text I got from her all day.

I was freaking out all day. I dealt with the kids, etc, but I was losing my shit internally. We were waiting at Hobby International airport at 8:30 as planned. That’s when I finally got another text.

She just said that she had landed, and she couldn’t wait to see us. Then she gave information about what departure door she’d be at so we could pick her up. She got in the car, so happy to see the kids. She gave me a warm kiss and thanked me for taking care of everything over the weekend. It all seemed so… regular.

She was talking to the kids the whole ride home. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. I began to wonder if she even knew what happened. Could the hypnotist have made her forget? Not impossible.

We put the kids to bed as soon as we got in, as it was pretty late for them. She then said she wanted to hop in the shower real quick. I always do that when I get off a plane, so that made perfect sense to me. I sat on the bed while she was in there. Images of what I saw her doing flashed through my mind. I hated them so much, but they were hot. Her begging to be fucked, etc. I couldn’t help but get lost in those thoughts, and hard.

I didn’t even hear her get out of the shower. When she did, she saw my hand on my dick.

“Were you looking at porn while I was gone?” she half joked and half admonished. I jumped when she said that, as she startled me.

“I-I, well, I” I stumbled. In some ways, I had been watching porn. By this point though, I was convinced she knew nothing of it. I just admitted to watching some ‘conventional’ porn.

“Mmmmm. Well, I’m not mad. You did a great job with the kids while I was gone. You deserve a little dalliance…” she said as she squirted some moisturizer on her hand. She then came next to me, freed my dick from my pants and started giving me a handjob.

“Why don’t you tell me about what you were watching?” she said, likely assuming it was girl on girl or something. I didn’t speak. Her hand on my dick felt really good. Of course, it wasn’t lost on my that I was getting a hand job, and she was begging for Chicago HypnoJoe’s dick 24 hours earlier.

“Did you ever imagine me doing some of the things that you were watching?” She said sexily. Again, she was completely oblivious to the truth. However, that question did me in, and I came hard. My cum shot straight up in the air. She gave a little yelp and dodged it like it was lava.

With that, I fell asleep, hard. I had been on such an emotional roller coaster over the last 18 hours. So, I’m ashamed to admit, this, but I didn’t do anything about this situation for the next three days. This is partly because they were three very busy days. We were hosting Thanksgiving, and Alison had lost the weekend to visiting Paulina. So, as the hostesss, she was behind the eight ball all week. I helped where I could, but that was largely just getting pizza for dinner. The other reason I avoided it was because I had no fucking clue what to do. I had no idea if she had any idea about this. If she did – how do I handle that? If she didn’t – would it cause some sort of trauma? I was at a loss.

Soon enough, it was Thanksgiving. My brother and his wife were over, as were her parents and her brother’s family. As always, Alison pulled it off and everything was perfect. She is an incredible wife, mother, and hostess. She did amazing job.

I had just finished carving the turkey, and we were just a few minutes into eating when the doorbell rang. As all of our scheduled guests had arrived, I had no idea who it could be. I got up to answer the door, and there was a small, private courier van in the drive way. This was not UPS or FedEx, this was a specially hired courier. I opened the door, a guy gave me a beautifully wrapped, very big square box with a tag that said, from Paulina with love. FUCK. I signed for the package to get the guy out of here, but I knew I had to get rid of this box. I figured if I could dash up to the attic, I could hide it there until Alison went to sleep. I turned to make my play… and she was right behind me.

“What’s that?” She said, taking the box out of my hand. I had no idea how she was going to react. She looked at the tag, she gave me a quizzical look. I could tell she had no idea what it was as she brought it to the kitchen counter, which was still cluttered with supplies from our Thanksgiving feast, which was now getting cold in the other room.

She quikly unwrapped the bow on the box and opened the lid. Inside, there was a big, stuffed animal turkey, and what could only be described as a ‘sexy pilgrim costume’.

“What the fuck is that?” I yell whispered. I didn’t want to attract attention from our guests, but still… what the fuck was that?

Alison held it up. There was a bonnet, and a dark brown velvet corset with a big, white cotton collar. There were brown knee high velvet boots in there too. There was a note from Paulina inside, “for some sexy fun later xoxxo”

Alison laughed. “She’s crazy – you know that” she said to me with a smile. “Maybe she thinks you have a Pilgrim fetish?” she laughed.

“Alison darling, can you be a dear…” my Mother in law called out from the dining room. It was like the woman had a sixth sense of when to best interrupt. Alison gave me a wink and went back into the dinning room. I followed, but only after putting the costume back in the box and tying the lid back on. We didn’t need her father or someone seeing that, thank you very much. We finished dinner, which was fantastic. I had a couple beers, and was soon watching the Lions with the guys. I actually forgot about the weirdo stuff going on for a while.

Early in the fourth quarter, I went to go grab another round of beers. The ladies were still in the dining room, well, all the ladies except Alison. I looked in the kitchen, and she wasn’t in there either. I glanced over to the bathroom, and the door was open, no one was in there. That was odd. I asked where she was.

“I don’t know. She got a phone call on her cellular telephone, then she just up and walked away. Rather rude. Not how I raised her.” Her mother said.

Fuck.

I doubled back into the kitchen, the box was gone. I started to panic, I ran into the bedroom. Inside, Alison was kneeling on the edge of the bed wearing the sexy pilgrim costume, with the big stuffed animal turkey between her legs. Across from her, on our bureau was her phone, she was recording herself.

“I am deeply hypnotized by Chicago HypnoJoe” she said, over and over again as she rhythmically grinded on the stuffed turkey. Her breathing got more ragged as she got more and more turned on. My own breathing was very labored as well, as I thought my heart was going to beat out of my chest. I couldn’t believe it. I was also getting hard.

“Alison, you are ignoring your guests, this is very rude!” I heard her mother yell. In what was one of the hardest things I ever had to do in my life, I closed the door and went back down to distract her mom.

Alison came out about 25 minutes later, and she was just chatting with the ladies as if nothing had happened.

When everyone left that night, I looked up Chicago HypnoJoe’s website. Sure enough, new offering on his pay side. There was a promo video of Hypnotized Thanksgiving MILFs. I saw a quick teaser clip of Alison in the Pilgrim Costume grinding on the turkey on our bed. Next to her on a split screen was Paulina in a sexy (albeit culturally inappropriate) Native American costume doing the same thing, also saying “I am deeply hypnotized by Chicago HypnoJoe” while grinding on a stuffed turkey.

Oh Shit. (But yes, I put in my credit card)

[paulgadzikowski]

[copied from my reblog of this post about lack of forward compatibiilty in technology so I can reblog amendments to my story without cluttering OP's notes, and backdated now that you can do that here]

I’m reblogging this from someone who reblogged it from me because since I reblogged this I’ve experienced it

Friday I sat with my mother at her place to wait for the arrival of the phone repairman from the phone/cabletv/internet company sometime between 08:00 and 17:00. Mom’s phone’d been out for a week, and she was also having trouble logging into her email. Mom is 90 and not very mobile and doesn’t have a cellphone so, aside from me, these things are her only means of putting out contact to the world. For a week I’ve been going over to Mom’s twice a day because we are regularly checking in with each other daily anyway but now all our means to do so telecommically were out.

At 15:00 the phone repairman phoned me (I’d left my cell as the contact number) to inform me the problem (which he mentioned is being experienced by multiple customers) is, somehow, not with the company’s phone lines but with the company’s cable lines. Therefore it would require a cable tech to fix it and he would pass this information on to the cable department. (The cable tech(s), it develops, will be out tomorrow, Monday. Sometime between 08:00 and 17:00.)

SO I decided to sit down with Mom’s email and try to change the password so she could reach me that way again. The problem was, it developed, the account had no established means on record for a temporary code to be sent out (well, it had Mom’s phone number, BUT). With a trip to the brick-and-mortar store (Did I mention Mom’s internet is with a different provider than her phone? Mom’s internet is with a different provider than her phone) I got my cell phone number added to the account because I was already listed as an authorized user.

BUT THEN, for reasons that aren’t clear to me, before I could change the password I needed to Verify Identity To The Account. By sending a copy of state-issued photo ID by cellphone camera, then a selfie.

(The counter CSR saw my ID while I was there, and Mom’s, yet directed me back to this process. Why couldn’t they have done the identity verification right there? I wish I’d understood the process’ purpose well enough while at the store to ask that.)

At home I went through the ID verification process six or eight or ten times in two hours. And each attempt took multiple tries to get satisfactory photos of the state photo ID.

The first wholly successful attempt, with Mom’s ID and selfie, was nevertheless rejected because her ID is expired.

Aha, thought I, I can do it with my ID and selfie, because I’m also an Authorized User. <belushi>But nooooo</belushi>

Every attempt at the verification process with my ID required multiple tries because of difficulty of the system recognizing the photo on my ID as a face.

Meanwhile every attempt to photograph the ID, front and back, required the ID be ideally framed and centered in the viewfinder, with no shadow or reflection on it; and held steady, at a distance greater from the surface where the ID rested than my hand could brace it, in order to get the whole ID in the frame.

But I did get through the process! Twice! And each time I reached a screen that informed me that the verification was successful and I could go on to the next step! - but did not say what the next step was, nor present me with a button to proceed to it.

In retrospect, what it probably meant was to go back to Mom’s laptop and resume trying to change her email password. I didn’t realize this Friday. I realize this because today (Sunday) when I stopped by to check in, Mom was in the process of trying to update the password herself. She was stuck on the … oh I can’t think of what they’re called, where you have to pick the squares that have a bus (that also took multiple tries, and I mean about a dozen after I took it over - I think her laptop screen colors are off; it’s old). I got her through that, and we successfully entered the new password, twice for security.

Then we were presented with a screen for creating two-step verifiction.

With no option to skip it.

Using her phone.

[i-shxtpost]

SPN Dallas Con Photo Ops/pics (part 2/3)

JoJo Fleites- that’s it, that’s the post…

I never planned on watching The Winchesters. I knew that my mom was going to watch it, so I figured I’d just hang out in the room with her and occasionally glance at the show while she watched it. Now I love the show, and I instantly loved Carlos as a character as soon as they showed up. The month before Dallas Con, when it was announced that the big 3 of The Winchesters cast would be there, I immediately bought a JoJo photo op…

A week before the con, I decided to watch JoJo’s Instagram Live, and after they said that they were excited for their first con, I commented that I was going to meet them on my birthday. They saw the comment and said happy birthday, and that they couldn’t wait to see me at the con. (I love when actors are so down to earth and genuinely excited to meet fans 💙)

I was extremely lucky to get 2 spots in JoJo’s meet and greet within the last second of the auction, and I’m so glad it happened. JoJo is a really nice and genuine person. They said that they were surprised when they saw that people were bidding to meet them, and they were happy to be able to meet the fans at this con. They were also surprised to hear that it was my sister and I’s first con (they assumed that they were the only one in the room who’d never been to a con before). At the end during the selfies, they called my sister and I beautiful, said happy birthday to me, and asked about the boots I was wearing. It was honestly one of the happiest moments I had at the con.

Originally, I had one photo op with JoJo that my sister was going to join me for, but after experiencing the m&g, she wanted a solo one. So we ended up each getting one solo one, and one together.

They also remembered us from earlier in the day, and said Happy Birthday again. At this point I almost cried while Leaving the op 😂

At the auction on Sunday, my sister and I decided that we wanted to try to get the signed banner of JoJo…

And then when we got it we realized it was way bigger than we thought it was, and we needed to find a way to get it home with us 😅.

Since it was my birthday, and I didn’t really have anything for anyone to sign, I decided to get a giant birthday card for my autographs. JoJo’s signature is probably my favorite, only because it actually feels personal; it’s not just a fancy scribble written after my name. (To be fair, I love seeing how everyone signs their name)

JoJo is genuinely a nice and amazing person (as are the other The Winchesters cast members I met). If you ever get the chance to meet them or see their panel, I highly recommend it. It was amazing.

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary115

1/6-7/2024

saturday - sunday

i feel compelled to write something down.

i just did, but i won't put it here. it's a bit about the rave. it was a crazy night, basically.

it makes me think about when my friend and i, in 2018 i think, we would watch thunderdome videos, the gabber event, and we'd say:

we could make this happen in vegas.

we never could. but we wanted it because we wanted the music. but this is the closest we can get and always, it's tragically ruled by drugs. obviously it always will be, it's party music that needs a profit somewhere. but it's sad that all the music is geared towards that only. techno strictly to drone on and increase the highs, or whatever, to please the people who keep taking up the pisser and doing coke, the people who try to get people to do coke, the people who can's stand anymore and who don't realize they're becoming creepy because they're just thinking everything is crazy nice and sexy. the music is not what we wished for, the engagement is about the fantasy of authentic raving or whatever. it sucks and is tragic. i'll still go to the shows. i want them to be good. sometimes they are. this show was in the place that we theorize is an onlyfans house the other half the time. grim stuff.

my friend's ability to get into the dance scene here, + keep up with it, speaks to his zeal for creating good music, and his love of the music itself. it's sad that his sets aren't more popular, because you can actually sense different songs in his set, they're all his song, but some of the sets tonight were totally like 1 song stretched out to 30 minutes. frustrating stuff. especially when paired with the cokeworld thing going on. drugs are so fucking irritating and people who do them in obvious ways/make a thing of it usually piss me off so much. i make exceptions for friends, maybe just because it's been a while since i've been around this kinda thing.

but it's 7 am and i'm so tired so, tomorrow i might say more, and i'll post selfies and maybe pics of when the night was less heavy. but it basically kind of drove my friend a bit crazy. as always his set was really good, he did something unique, i think. shibuya kei-affected dance music that eventually swelled into more hardcore-oriented sounds. gabber type stuff. really lovely stuff, he's a very good songwriter.

anyways, i love my friends, i feel sort of sad. we stole a bunch of stuff though. not a bunch of stuff, but they were charging for cliff-bars but during cleanup that was left unattended, so we like, took 2 whole boxes basically. that's a lot of food, it's really good for us, it's like snacks for a bunch of time, at least.

related to music today, i got new vocals done! not all the way, but the idea's down, most of the song is good i think, just the first part's hard. but that's maybe gonna be not hard to figure out, i'm really excited for that. my voice is hoarse from the rave though, talking to people strains my voice in that environment because my voice is so quiet.

i am tired, though, so:

byebye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[sagaonline]

my old friend and now

The other day, an old friend of mine sent me a message. I haven’t spoken to her in three years, so seeing her name pop up not only in my messages but also in my Snapchat notifications was a shock. she said that she missed me, and that she really didn’t want to drift apart after we finished high school, but things sometimes take turns that we don’t want or expect.

I didn’t reply for a while. I worked a whole shift before I had the courage to say anything. Why was she messaging me now, after three years? I suspected it was because I’ve recently graduated from university, and I posted my excitement for the next chapter of my life on social media. Was that some sort of unknown invitation for members of my past to come back to it?

When I did reply, I said I missed her too. Honestly, I don’t know if I did. It’s always been hard for me to regulate emotions, the teetering line of feeling too much and not enough. Normally, when I fall out with friends, I push any thought of them as far away as I can, too desperate to not feel fear and upset at the fact that they aren’t in my life anymore. It’s the same with her, I hadn’t really thought about her since we last spoke. But the moment I wrote those words, they were real. That ache that comes with missing someone flooded my chest, that feeling of loss because I’ve missed such a great deal of our lives.

I don’t know what she’s like these days, and we used to be best friends in high school. That scares me. 

We had known each other all through high school, only really becoming super close in the last two years, and even more so in my senior year of high school. She was there for me when no one else was. We went to the mall together in our free periods and we sat together during our art classes, we hyped each other up for our major projects in Drama class, and she read all my essays with enthusiasm that even some teachers didn’t exhibit. I hosted tutoring sessions for classmates to help us through the final exams, and she attended every session, keen to learn things she already knew. 

She asks what I’m doing with my life, congratulates me with my recent graduation.

“What’s the next step for you?” she says, well, types. This is all over messages. She tells me she works as an ‘EA’ (or, ‘the office bitch’ as she dotingly refers to it) in the city, and she works full time and can’t meet until after the twenty-second. I’m happy for it, but I’m secretly jealous at how her life seems so put together at twenty-one, and I feel like I’ve tripped off a cliff and I haven’t stopped falling for even a second. 

“I’m going back for further study,” I reply. “I applied for my MA the other day, and I’m thinking of applying to work at our high school in the meantime. Full circle, and whatnot.”

“That’s so great! You’ve been talking about this for forever. I’m so happy and proud of you,” she replies. I don’t remember telling her about it when we spoke, but maybe I did. Another reason for me wanting to reconnect with her is because my memories of high school and elementary and everything in between are spotty. I guess, when I live in books and fictional worlds of the things I write, my own reality tumbles a bit. 

I remember, when I was first accepted into university, she was the first person I told. It wasn’t the degree I ended up doing, or at the university I ended up  going to, but it was something I was proud of and something I wanted to do at the time. I remember talking about that. It was for a school in the capital, working in forensic science majoring in chemistry and law. Crazy, comparing it to the degree I ended up studying (linguistics and language science). It felt like me, but I guess, linguistics is me now. 

We organize to meet up on a random Sunday, a date we will finalise more closer past the twenty-second, and we call it a night. I didn’t expect to hear from her again, but she pops up. She sends me a snapchat selfie of her at work, she texts me about whether I moved for uni like I’d always planned to and she asks what I do for work. 

“I actually have two jobs right now. I work in retail in plus size women’s fashion and I also edit novels and online publications and stuff,” I say. Compared to her fancy full time job, I feel a bit like a joke. Both my jobs are part time, and even though editing is something I love doing (hence, delving my life into reading and writing), it’s not good paying, and I work on one project every few months. Retail is a nightmare, as is any nightmare. It’s better than my last job, I tell myself with the intention of forcing myself to be happy for what I have. I used to work at a department store, and I had for five years before I left. 

I didn’t actually reply to her until a few days after about my work. I don’t know why, but I delayed it. Me and messaging people isn’t the best combination. Something about the tangibility and immediateness of it scares me, I think. It’s not uncommon for me to not reply to someone for hours, if not, days on end. There’s a video on Snapchat she sent me that I still haven’t opened, which is even more nerve wracking for me. 

When I did reply to her, it was in the early morning, and she replied a couple hours later asking if it was a store in our local mall. I replied that it was, and she said she was coming to say hello. 

I haven’t seen her in three years, and she’s coming to my workplace for a quick catch up chat. 

I get nervous when it comes to going to things I’ve known about for weeks, pre-prepared plans with my own family. Now, I’m meeting the girl I used to be friends with until we fell apart spontaneously, and I don’t feel a thing. I don’t feel nervous, or anxious, or nauseous like I usually do. I just feel like me, maybe a little bit excited. It’s not a feeling I’m used to. I walk around my small store for hours until she comes in. And when she does, I’m talking to my coworker who just started. And it’s not awkward. 

She tells me she’s moving into the city with her partner. She tells me her salary and her plans to move up in the company. She tells me how much money her company has spent on their Christmas party, and all I can do is swallow and stare at her. 

Her hair is different, shorter. Her face is different, like she’s grown into it, but it’s the same girl underneath. The same girl I had known for five years before we became inseparable in senior year. Her voice sounds the same, but she’s aged. She’s grown into this beautiful twenty-one year old and I look the same as I have since I was sixteen. It’s not that I feel jealous, I’m proud of her. It’s strange to see. 

When we were in high school, we used to joke that she would stay in this shitty town forever, without a partner, and still in the same shithole department store she worked in. She’s outgrown this town, and I can’t find it in me to hate her for it or be jealous that it’s not me. In high school, she played guitar and she sang and she would paint pictures in art class about what she was feeling like when she listened to music. Now, she’s flourished and she’s about to move out with her partner and start a life in the city, far away from the small town we grew up in. 

We haven’t had a chance to plan a proper-catch up just yet. Originally, when I thought she was still staying here in our town, I had recommended  a cafe we had visited many times before. Now, we’re talking about a shopping mall that’s local to her new place, with expensive bougie food that requires at least three pictures before fork can even be placed near the plate. 

And I find that I dont care. As long as I can spend time with her. We have a lot to catch up on. And I am nothing but excited. 

Saga.

[un-nonymous]

Have you ever seen someone in like, head-to-toe (shoulder-to-thigh?) spanx, but without the bra part? It’s like a BYOB (bra) situation? It’s not great.

Anyway, my best friend’s wedding is this Saturday in Chicago and we leave at 6am Thursday. I need 8 more days to be ready for the trip.

It’s been so long since I’ve written over here that I was excited to fill in the “Listening to:” field. That’s … never been a thing here. Livejournal. Twenty (20) years ago. It’s fine. You should listen to this song though.

I don’t care about no hoes, where is your spouse at?

Red text!

(Personally, I truly don’t care about no hoes nor spouses. In fact I’m very actively trying to become a spouse myself, for fuck’s sake.)

So I’m a bridesmaid in my best friend’s wedding this weekend and I love her but she did us all dirty with the color of these dresses. It’s like a smoky lavender - the kind that looks good on no one. We were able to choose our own style at least, but they are all relentless and unforgiving. I am wearing head-to-toe spanx (BYObra) and you can see like, the line of the contour? on the thigh? And it’s not because I have thick legs. I mean, it’s because the material of the dress is almost as though it was stuck to you, but it flows nicely in a breeze. I don’t know. I’ve also lost a bunch of weight since June (thanks, keto!) and that honestly helps me feel better about the dress. I took selfies tonight, even! Maybe I’ll post one.

This has been a hard week. Since Friday, I: organized and attended yet another suicide prevention training at work; unexpectedly found myself needing to support a dear coworker towards the end of that training class because he had been struggling with all the thoughts we’d been talking about for 2 hours and needed to step outside to cry and asked if I would join him (a senior general superintendent); attended a coworker’s wedding with another coworker, got drunk for the first time in a while and lost the latter coworker’s sunglasses before raising my voice at a third coworker who was getting mouthy with me; had what would have been the worst hangover of my life Sunday if it weren’t for Amazon’s party patches*; have been running around with my hair on fire at the office for both 10+ hour days I’ve had today and yesterday.

That whole thing was all about work. I’m working on that, but now’s not a good time for progress.

Seriously though, look up “party patches” on Amazon. Slap 2 of them on you (gonna do 3-4 for this weekend’s festivities, I have to be in proper shape for Nine Inch Nails at Riot Fest on Sunday #priorities) and while they won’t always stop a hangover from happening (I mean honestly how do you stop a speeding train, you know?), they will help you avoid an ambulance at least. Ask me how I know. Look for the blue and orange packages. They’re just vitamins, I don’t know what kind of witchcraft they’re about otherwise but they’re like $30 for I want to say 40-something patches? You really can’t put a price on magic.

(Ok here’s how I know: The last time I got that hungover, it was the morning after Matt and I got into a big argument about something stupid in public and I was crying at the table quietly but also pretty dramatically and the server had just approached with the check that I stubbornly insisted on paying. I could not pick my head up off the pillow the next morning and it took us 3 weeks to finally reach the end of the conversation because I was so embarrassed that I cried at a server as a 37-year-old woman for really the dumbest reason. I’m really fun to date. Fortunately he and I were genuinely fine those 3 weeks, we aren’t about grudges which has probably done a world of good for our 5-year run so far. But I was wearing 0 party patches that night. I currently have 2.7 packs for the bridal party and maybe the groomsmen if they’re acting right.)

Matt is standing up in the wedding too and we’re going to walk down the aisle together. I hope at least a couple people throw shoes at him. Gently, because he is a gem, but he needs a kick in the ass and he knows it.

Hope you and yours are loving your adventures lately. 🖤

[amanda-glassen]

Sundaze

Serena is worried that Jamie wants to find someone new.

For the “Lazy Sundays” request from @myfriendscallmeandy

The first few months after they started dating, Serena was hesitant to invite Jamie over. Serena’s apartment was her safe space that she shared with Olivia and having Jamie over made her feel as if she were making a commitment that she wasn’t quite sure if she was ready for. 

Instead they spent their time together exploring the city. Serena took Jamie to some of her favorite lounges and restaurants. Jamie, in turn, would take Serena to the places only those who grew up in the city would know－places that weren’t overrun with tourists taking selfies to post on social media or smug hipsters appropriating other cultures in a gentrified area. Every date was an opportunity to explore the city they both loved so much and to get to know each other in the process.

…but that was two years ago and now that Serena and Jamie were a married couple, their days of exploring the city were behind them and Serena began to wonder if Jamie was bored with her. 

Just as they did every Sunday morning, Olivia went over to Elliot’s house to finish up some homework together before the Mets game and Jamie went to the gym. That left Serena with the apartment to herself, which usually meant she’d have time to read or watch one of the movies Jamie was too squeamish to watch, but that Sunday morning Serena couldn’t bring herself to do anything more than lie on the couch with her thoughts.

She thought about Jamie leaving her for someone younger, maybe someone more exciting. She imagined her with one of those women who wore yoga pants because she actually did yoga and not because she was too lazy for regular pants. The kind of perky, bubbly woman who watched rom coms and said things like “Let’s do brunch.” I can think of ten medieval diseases I’d rather have than spend an hour with one of those women.

When she heard Jamie put her key in the lock, Serena grabbed the nearest book she could find and pretended she had been reading the entire time. 

Jamie set her gym bag on one of the accent chairs and, when Serena took in the sight of her, her insecurities came rushing back. She looked at the black joggers her wife was wearing. The elastic waistband of her Calvin Klein boxer briefs was peeking out and when Jamie slicked her hair back, her shirt lifted up just enough for Serena to see the slightest hint of her abs. Although she was sweaty (or maybe it was because she was sweaty), her wife looked good and she had a feeling she wasn’t the only one who thought so.

“Ser? Baby, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”  She set the book down on the coffee table and motioned for Jamie to join her.

“Let me change first. I’m all sweaty and you’re cute and wearing clean pajamas.”

Serena once again patted the spot next to her. To make it nearly impossible for Jamie to say no, she added in the pouty look that Jamie found too adorable to refuse. “I like when you’re sweaty. Come on, Jamieson. I wanna get on top of you.”

“You want it right now, Serena? In the living room? What if Olivia comes home unexpectedly?”

Serena slightly chuckled. “Not like that, Jamieson, you beautiful dumbass. I want you to hold me while I lie on top of you.”

With their conflicting work schedules and keeping up with Olivia’s extracurricular activities, it had been a couple of weeks since the last time Jamie had held her like that. Serena was taken back to the early months of their relationship or situationship as her sister Lexie coined it because the thought of officially being in a relationship scared Serena. It was during those cuddle sessions that Serena wanted to hold on to every second because she dreaded the moment when Jamie would have to say goodbye and go back to her apartment. Now that they were married, Serena still didn’t want to let go and she needed to know if Jamie felt the same way.

Jamie lifted up the hem of Serena’s tank top and began to softly run her fingers down Serena’s back. “You know, Ser, on our wedding day, my dad gave me a piece of valuable advice. He told me, ‘if you ever ask your wife if something’s wrong and she says nothing, she definitely means something and it’s probably your fault.’” She playfully squeezed Serena,  causing her to start giggling. “There’s my Ser Bear. I know you said nothing’s wrong and I know that means something. If you want to tell me, you can tell me. Or if you just want to continue to cuddle me in these sweaty gym clothes, you can do that, too.”

Serena thought about how to tell her. She didn’t want to come off as needy and make Jamie feel as if she was demanding more attention or that Jamie was at fault for not loving her enough. When her mind shifted back to Jamie at the gym and the possibility of attractive younger women flirting with her, she couldn’t hold it in any longer. “Do you want to leave me?”

“What?” Jamie stopped caressing her and Serena could tell she was taken by surprise. More than anything, she wished she could take the question back, but now all she could do was wait for an answer. “Ser,” she pulled Serena up so she could look her in the eyes. “I’m gonna tell you a story that I’ve never told you before. I know you’re aware of my past and I know that worried you in the beginning, but from the moment I started talking to you, I knew you were it for me and I had never felt that before. When I got home after our first date, all I could think was ‘I just kissed the woman that I’m going to be kissing for the rest of my life.’”

Her Jamie was never going to leave her. Serena wanted to tell her that she felt the same way, that she replayed the memory of their first kiss over again whenever she missed her and that no one had ever made her feel as safe or as loved as Jamie did the night of their first date although they had only known each other so briefly. She wanted to tell Jamie that she would love her in this lifetime and the next, but all that would come out was, “Jamie, you sap.”

Jamie pulled her in for a kiss that turned into the two of them being playful with each other and laughing between that first kiss and the next. “If I didn’t know you well enough, I’d have been crushed for pouring my heart out to my wife and then getting called a sap, but when you call me a sap, I know the true meaning behind it.”

“...that you’re a sap?”

Her response resulted in Jamie taking advantage of her ticklish spot until she couldn’t take it anymore. Regardless of how much she squirmed, she couldn’t escape Jamie’s embrace or her tickling. She was in a fit of squeals and giggles and she knew Jamie was enjoying every second of it.

“Ser,” Jamie motioned for her to rest her head on her chest to help calm her down from her tickle torture. “When you’re ready, can you tell me what got you feeling this way?”

Serena hid her face in the crook of Jamie’s neck, not feeling confident enough to look at her. “You’re not a homebody like I am. You’re active and you have a full social calendar and I’m the type that would rather stay home and read or watch a movie.” She paused to gather her thoughts before her next revelation. “We used to do so many exciting things when we were dating and now that we’re married I’m afraid that you’ll get bored with me.”

Now that it was out in the open, she felt a bit childish for saying it, but there was no judgment from Jamie. “Ser, look at me.” Serena lifted her head up so she could see the adoring expression on her wife’s face. “I don’t think anyone let alone your own wife could be bored with you.”

“You’re just saying that.”

Jamie kissed the corner of her mouth before Serena slightly turned so their lips could meet. “No, I mean it. I never know what I’m coming home to. Will there be another six foot tall demon statue? Will you and Becca try to coerce me into using the Ouija board with you guys? Will my kitchen be nearly burned down again?”

“Jamieson!”

“I had to throw that last one in,” she pulled Serena in for another kiss. “I love you, Serena, and I love being married to you. Sure, we don’t go out as much, but that’s because back then we weren’t going to each other’s apartments so we always had to be out. We had some good times back then, but I always had that dreaded feeling of knowing that I’ll eventually have to say goodbye to you and we’d go our separate ways. We don’t have to do that anymore, Ser Bear. Whether we go out or stay in, I don’t have to say goodbye to you at the end of the night. I get to spend every single night with the woman I love who also happens to be my best friend. It doesn’t get any better than that.”

“I get to spend every night in your arms,” Serena leaned in to kiss her again. “And sometimes we do more than that.”

“Like what?” Jamie asked, hoping to make Serena blush.

“It’ll be more fun if I show you,” Serena smiled at her. “Take me to the room, Jay.”

“I can see you eyeing me like a piece of meat, but let me shower before you mount me,” Jamie teased.

“Why? You’re just going to get all sweaty again. Besides, you know it turns me on to see you after a workout, especially because I know I can give you a better one.”

Jamie carried her to their room with Serena’s legs wrapped around her waist so she was straddling her face-to-face. As always, Serena couldn’t resist giving her kisses along the way, one of which distracted Jamie to the point where she ran them into the wall and they started laughing uncontrollably. 

“And you think I could ever be bored with you, Ser Bear?”

Tagging: @justalittleghostwriter @imaginaryoperagloves @kit-kat-kate @noitsnotshortformildred

[annie-mit-ie]

Glimpses: Part 8 (Kathryn Hahn x Fem!Reader)

Part 1 // previous chapter <<< >>> next chapter

Summary: Babysteps are taken.

Word Count: 1,8k

A/N: Hey y’all! I am really sorry it took me a while to get to this but tbh life hasn't been the easiest since I’ve last posted. I hope you all enjoy this chapter, even though it turned out completely different than I had anticipated. Definitely plan to throw another chapter your way this week. We’ll see :)

_____________________________________________________________________________

Her soft lips move against yours as Kathryn’s hand finds her way into your hair. She pulls you closer and it seems like she wants to deepen the kiss, but before she gets any chance to do so, you break the contact.

“Kathryn…“, both of you are panting and you have to hold on to her upper thigh to steady yourself. You take in a deep breath as she looks at you with widened eyes, while a worried look is creeping onto her face. She immediately lets go of your neck. Still panting, she tries to form words.

“Sweetheart, I… I am so sorry! I… Oh my god!“ Her eyes widen and she removes herself completely from you and puts a few more inches in between the two of you. “Is this…? Did we…? Are you okay?“

You nod, slowly, because you need time to process. What struck you and made you speechless wasn’t the fact that she kissed you in the first place, no, you are absolutely confused by her harsh reaction to the occurring situation. You look at her, eyes wide open, as she is sitting way too far away from you and looks at you like something horrible has happened.

“Kathryn, hey, I AM okay. Very much so, stop worrying. All is good!“ You take her hand in yours. “I… I loved this. This is everything I have ever dreamed of…“ “But?…“, she impatiently interrupts you and you give her the look that a mother gives her children when they repeatedly reach for a toy they are not allowed to have. 

“But… This is not how I want this to go. Let me take you out on a date or something?  Let’s go eat somewhere or read or talk or just sit… But not in the back of a car in the middle of the night as we are both very much not sober, hm?“ She nods and the hiccup, that escapes her throat right after you take her hand into yours again, just tells you that you’re right.

The rest of the ride is calm and quiet as Kathryn clearly is tired and overwhelmed with all the love she has gotten all night. You opt to just sit with her in silence, noticing how her body slowly falls against yours until her head lands on her shoulder. She is asleep.

You move a strand of hair behind her ear - prompting a small smile to form on her lips and it makes you feel proud that you did the grown up thing and resisted the urge to take a step further, the urge to see how far she would go, not that you could sneakily slip your hand anywhere anyway, considering she was still wearing that one-piece that was hugging her in all the right places.

Shaking your head to get rid of the thoughts that are flooding your tipsy brain right now, you realize you’ve reached your neighborhood right as the car slows down on the side walk. Peter opens the window to look at you “Do you want me to take you directly to your house or do you want to walk the rest of the way?“

You really appreciate how considerate he is, but you have to tell your mom eventually anyway, so you opt for the safer option. “Take me directly home, please.“ He nods and his eyes wander to Kathryn, who is still asleep on your shoulder. “You’re good for her, I hope you know that.“, Peter says before closing the window again.

“YOU DID WHAT?“ You haven’t seen your best friend enraged like that ever before. “YOUR./NAME… YOU DID WHAT NOW?

Telling her that you were the one who broke off a kiss with Kathryn was probably not your smartest idea in a while. When you got home last night, you went straight to bed, but texted Alex that you were gonna call her as soon as you woke up to give her all the tea.

“I… I broke the kiss?“ You repeat and look at her, scared she will yell at you again.

“Honey! How??? Why? This could’ve very well been a one in a lifetime chance!“ She is not mad or anything, more shocked because she knows how much you’ve wanted this.

You look at her and both of you become serious for a moment. “It wasn’t right. We had too much to drink. I know she wanted it. We’ve had moments before, but… I just didn’t feel right, Alex. I don't know how to explain. Don’t get me wrong, I was into it, very much so, but I want the real deal. Not a car fling, you know?“ “You really are the most amazing person I’ve ever met. I hope she knows how fortunate she is to know someone as respectful as you.“ It still felt unusual to talk about Kathryn that way. Even to your best friend. Even though you know you share everything with Alex that is there to share. Kathryn was Kathryn and you were… just you. But somehow, when the two of you are together, that doesn't matter at all. You don’t think about who she is when you are with Kathryn.

Right as you think about her, your phone lights up and you receive a message.

„Sweetheart, I really enjoyed having you around last night! Can’t wait to do it again. Packed week ahead, sadly, but would like to invite you to my garden again by the end of it? xxx K.“

For a moment, you smile and already want to text back, but you had read the message out to Alex as well and she doesn’t want you to text back just yet. “Can’t wait to do it again?“, she says. “Like as in the kiss or as in the night, well I mean the day, in general? DUDE. That’s huge!“ You hadn’t thought about it that way. Alex was wild sometimes. She would come up with things that you haven’t considered yet, but not always in a good way. Sometimes, she drops knowledge on you until your anxiety kicks in and she doesn’t even notice. Not this time, though.

This time, Alex’ remark only makes your chest swell with pride because, either way, it was a huge compliment. You let Kathryn know that you feel the same and you would love to visit her again.

The following week seems to be endless but somehow you make your way through it, especially with a Q&A that was announced Sunday night and would happen today. Kathryn is booked to watch an episode of her latest show Wandavision with some cast members on something like Zoom, where they can be seen by fans around the globe to promote upcoming shows and increase streams.

She had texted you a selfie earlier, and captioned it with how she was missing your compliments while getting ready, with a wink, of course, and you that made you even more excited to see her later. 

The event itself is cute, hundreds of fans are online and even though you can’t see the other fans, you all can feel the unity and love towards the cast. You’re sitting on your desk, laptop propped up in front of you with the stream, while you are FaceTiming Alex who stayed awake for the event like she always does.

“Kathryn is just soooo beautiful tonight.“ Alex swoons, as you watch her staring at the stream. Kathryn does look great. Her blue eyes are highlighted by the blue button up shirt she is wearing and her hair is loosely hanging down one side. Ben really outdid himself with tonight’s look. She smiles at something Lizzie says and they both laugh as they watch the scene where Agatha and Wanda are in the kitchen together.

“Many mouths make good gossip.“ Alex laughs and you can see Kathryn grin in the corner of your eyes as you look at her best friend. “Have you told her she looks beautiful yet?“

It was a logical question. Shooting her a message would be so easy and yet, you haven’t thought of it yet. You shake your head.

“Gurl! Take your phone and text her, NOW! Let’s gooooooo.“ She was right. You had the perfect chance right there and you were sure Kathryn would not be looking at her phone anytime soon. Most likely, she would only see your message after the event, so you decide to go for it after all.

“Looking really good tonight, Ms Hahn. ;)“ you finally type. It took you a couple tries and you reworded the message several times, trying to figure out what tone would fit best. After deleting the previous ideas, you just want to not send anything at all, but as you reread your final words , you feel satisfaction and that makes you decide to shoot your shot after all.  

Ales notices our internal struggle “Y/N! Send that freaking message NOW.“ You know she would take your phone and just press send if she was with you and you want this friendship to feel a little less distant tonight, so you immediately press send.

Immediately, the both of you keep your eyes on the stream to not miss any possible reactions and you were wrong. Kathryn actually does have her phone with her and you can tell she notices a message because she looses attention for a second and looks to her left.

You can tell she rethinks if she should pick up her phone or not, but before you can worry about the whole situation more, she reaches out for her phone and reads. The smile on her face is telling. She tries to tone the smile down but it still creeps onto her face on one side. You’re not sure, but you would also say that there is a little blush around her nose that you think is adorable and makes a warm feeling bubble up in your body. OH NO.

Shortly, she looks directly at the camera with the softest smile, before putting the phone back aside and giving her attention back to the cast and episode.

“JACKPOT!“ Alex celebrates an early win. „She loved it! See! Aaaaargh, I am SO GOOD AT THIS.“

 You roll your eyes. “You have a wife, honey, OBVIOUSLY you are.“

And while the two of you laugh about your antics and virtually high five because messaging Kathryn was a success,  the other fans on twitter are already freaking out about the mysterious message Kathryn has gotten and who it might've been from.

[ticiie]

week 13: hanging in a hammock

prompt from the off-season winter sports challenge

pairing: Marco Odermatt/Gino Caviezel

length: 1102 words

author's note: woah this was harder than i thought, can't remember last time i restarted a single prompt in so many different directions as i did with this one...anyways hope y'all enjoy it

The warehouse was almost empty and Marco wasn’t sad about it. The clock was ticking as the store would close in twenty minutes. He and Justin were standing in front of an exhibition model with a shopping cart full of utensils next to them. Marco couldn’t recall every having to buy that much stuff for not just the kitchen but every other room as well, when he had first moved out of his family’s house, those utensils had somehow just appeared. Gabriel had been much more of an adult than himself back then already.

“I think you should do it.”, Justin said. He leaned down so he could read the additional information on the price tag. “Even if he doesn’t like it, which he will, you’ll get out of it as the winner since you’ve got a patio yourself. You can just put it up there.”

Justin had a point. So, Marco pulled out his phone and dialled Gino’s number. He only had to wait three rings for Gino to pick up.

“I hope you’re calling to apologize for being late again.”

Marco ignored Gino’s comment although he did feel a little guilty. Instead, he asked: “You’re still planning on visiting Sandra on the weekend, right?”

Gino sighed. “Yes, Marco, I already told you this about five times. Why?”

“Just making sure. Hey, before I forget, how big is your balcony? Rule of thumb?”

“Alright, what the fuck is going on, why on earth do you have to know how big my balcony is?” He was starting to grow annoyed, Marco could tell, yet still Gino couldn’t fully ban the amusement out of his voice.

“I’m asking for a friend. Please?”

“3.5 on 2 meters.”

“Thanks, I’ll be back soon, love you!”

“Wait, Marco, what was- “but Marco had hung up already.

“You’re going to pay for that”, Justin said, not even trying to hide his grin.

“I am very much aware of that, thank you. Now help me find the right box so we can get this thing in the car.”

--

Gino hadn’t been in his best mood all week long and Marco would be the last to judge him. Nevertheless, when he left early in the morning on the following Saturday, he kissed Marco and silently wished he could stay with him.

“Don’t do anything stupid while I’m gone.”, he whispered and Marco smiled at him through drowsy eyes. Marco hid his grin in the pillow. It smelled like Gino’s shampoo and coffee, a comforting scent that Marco missed whenever they were apart. The door of Marco’s bedroom closed and only a second later, his phone announced the arrival of a text message. Marco reached over Gino’s side of the mattress to the bedside table. Justin had sent him a selfie that showed him on the passenger’s seat of Loïc’s minivan. Justin was grinning broadly while Loïc seemed to be at least as annoyed as Gino had been all week. found someone to help (we’ll have to bribe him, make sure coffee is ready when we come pick you up) was written beneath the picture.

--

When Sunday afternoon arrived, Marco was all jittery when waiting for Gino’s return. He had tried to occupy himself with tidying up the balcony. Gino’s plants out there had been in desperate need of attention. Marco would never in a million years admit that he had to call his mother via FaceTime to safe them, he himself hadn’t felt competent enough to just throw random amounts of water at them. After the rescue mission, he had vacuumed the whole flat, stocked the fridge with Gino’s favourite edibles and then had given the finishing touch to the early birthday present by wrapping a big red ribbon around one post. And just when Marco wanted to give in to the urge and test its comfortability, the rattling of Gino’s key was audible on the hallway. Marco made his way through the living room and to the door and was quick to open it, finding a very startled Gino in front of him.

“Well, hello there”, he greeted the older one, kissing him quickly so he wouldn’t get a chance to see behind Marco’s back. Gino returned the kiss, of course, but was still confused, even more when Marco made him turn around and blindfolded him with a scarf.

“Please don’t tell me the reason you’re doing this is because you set the kitchen on fire while I was gone”, Gino said and Marco chuckled. “No worries, I didn’t even touch it. Watch your step, there’s a table next to you.” He guided him towards the balcony door where he put his hands on Gino’s waist and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “Don’t hate me for this. Happy Birthday.”

Gino wanted to protest, tell Marco that his birthday wasn’t until next week, when the younger one removed the blindfold, allowing Gino to look at the shiny new hammock that was standing on the balcony, perfectly staged by the golden light of the sun which was setting behind the mountains. Gino gave a roar of delight. “Seriously? You got me a hammock?”

“I did. Although it did take Justin to convince me to buy it, I wouldn’t have- “Marco was interrupted by Ginos lips on his. They kissed for what felt like half an eternity and when they parted, Marco felt lightheaded. Gino smiled at him. “Thank you so much.”

“You like it?”

“I love it. And I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Gino let go of Marco and took a seat in his new place to be. To say it was comfortable probably was the understatement of the century. He sighed in relish; his whole body relaxed in an instant. “I live here now”, Gino stated. “You might wanna tell the others if they need me, they can either come here or have to provide me this hammock at any place they want me to come. Anything else is inacceptable.”

Marco laughed at Ginos words. He turned towards the door which didn’t go unnoticed by Gino.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

“I was going to get us some drinks…” One look from Gino was enough to make Marco’s voice die down. And even though he had considered a lot of eventualities before buying the hammock and even though he had made sure twice that the way he and Justin had set it up was exactly as described on the manual, Marco certainly hadn’t expected that this thing would crash from the weight of two pro athletes. Perhaps that had been a bit naïve of him.

[maireadralph]

LFCC July ‘22 Day 2/3

Phew that was busy day for me…first off at the event selfie:

Settle in folks cos this is a story and a half:

When travelling in on the train I overshot my stop and didn’t realise until it was too late and ended up at West Croydon and had to grab a slow train back to Clapham Junction and have another go at getting the right train. Map is the train route. My original planned route is in blue, yellow is the detour I took on a Southern train (Southern routes not on that map):

Should have arrived at around 11.30-12 but eventually got in for just before 1pm😬

Entry queues had changed since the previous day. (Green route on map):

All persons arriving by train weren’t allowed out the closest entrance to the venue and were told to cross over the station bridge and walk around the block (red route on the map).

I asked the nearby venue security where I was to go for re-entry and was told different things like “join the main queue” and “you’ll need to ask my supervisor”. LOLNOPE was I joining the main queue which is for on the day tickets and at that stage extending to over the bridge and was snaked in front of the building (yellow route on the map).

While I was speaking to the security there was an Irish lady panicking that she’d miss her photo shoot (all photo shoots are paid in advance) scheduled in 20 minutes. As she also had a weekend pass wristband I took control of the situation as the security weren’t doing SQUAT. We searched for the fabled Supervisor (spoiler they usually don’t exist) and found the security guard on the door. At first this security guard was very snarky with us as apparently we snuck into the disability queue line (which had ZERO signage), the lady had her paperwork in order and I had my wristband on display. He tried all the tactics but I wasn’t budging. He even tried the “you should have re-entered from the other door” excuse to get us to go away, but again I was having NONE of it and refusing to waste time going from one door to another (I’d had that happen at other events).  Eventually he huffed and took a small side step and stated loudly “I can’t help you any further” and pointed us in with his eyes. I thanked him. Got my Con buddy in and personally fast tracked her to her photoshoot line and she made it with 10 minutes to spare.

Con buddy, if you ever see this post I hope you had an amazing photoshoot and please don’t let this experience put you off London events. I’m pretty sure we bumped into each other on the Friday too but I missed you on Sunday.

The rest of the Con day went pretty smoothly - wander around, chatting to vendor friends, enjoying the cosplays, have lunch, staying hydrated and having a coffee break.

It was at the end of my coffee break that I met with a lady wearing a sunflower lanyard and her older male companion (turns out he was her father). They were annoyed as this was their first Con and they had come from far away to see two special guests and get photo ops with them. However LFCC had screwed around with their timings and through the event staff’s mishandling of the situation they missed one guest’s only slot that day (sorry I don’t remember the guest names). They had been offered a slot and a complementary Sunday ticket for the next day but this was of little use as they now had to shell out for an extra night’s accommodation for them and the family (including the other parent and sibling) on short notice.  I asked if they were given a wristband for the next day (so they could skip ticket check and walk straight in - the least the event could arrange after such a screw up), when they hadn’t I recommend going to the ticket entrance to get one - as I had time spare I went with them.

Ticket entrance were unhelpful and couldn’t even issue a weekend wristband pass for the lady (this was day two or a three day event so there wasn’t going to be any harm IMO) and recommend we go to the Sales Desk located at the back of the hall in the previous room.  Hike all the way back there, find the right queue, ended up finding the LFCC staff member who issued the new photo op ticket and complementary ticket (which saved explaining the whole story over again). The staff at first recommended we try the Entrance Staff for a wristband and I very calmly explained we did that and weren’t going to be yo-yo’d and that something proper should be sorted as LFCC staff have caused unnecessary emotional and financial stress.  I recommend giving the sunflower lanyard lady a Disability wristband (which would allow her to enter via a shorter queue and alert staff that she may need extra space or time), she should have applied for that prior to buying her Con ticket but as this was her first she was unaware of that procedure. The LFCC staff could not issue the wristband without the person filling in the form and when I pressed to get the form (as they were happy to fill it in) was given the unhelpful “since the event has started the form is no longer available”.  So I asked what could LFCC do to make sure this person could get in on time to make the slot in case there was giant queues in the morning - again reminding that this whole thing was due to LFCC incompetence.  The staff lady took a moment to ring some other staff as she would not be in the morning (typical of these things) and after a brief moment decided the best course of action was to take the Sunflower Lady’s name, details of the photo shoot and pass those details onto the Sunday morning Queue staff. The Sunflower Lady was pleased with that and mentioned that she’s have a carer with her (one of her parents)…and I managed to get LFCC to print a complementary pass for that parent too.

Once they were all sorted, the Sunflower Lady and her Father thanked me and we all enjoyed the rest of the Con.

TLDR: I take NO SHIT from Con Staff when they’ve F*CKED up that badly, and double that if they’ve done it to one of our sunflower lanyard wearers.

There was other drama that happened at LFCC which you can read about here but that was my day

Finally here’s my Gets for that day:

[qingxintea]

➼ chongyun || hiraeth

tw: mention of knives (no violence), kidnapping, explosion _______

you angled your camera to catch your face and upper body correctly and adjusted your blinds for the correct lighting. you put thin pieces of yellow and pink paper over your lamp to give off a sunset lighting sort of aesthetic in your minimalist room. your tiny cacao tree sat in the corner of your room, setting some sort of simple beach vibe.

then, you began to stream.

you watched as majority of your followers came to view as you sat in your rolly gaming chair. the greetings came rushing in and you noticed two of your friends had came along too, xingqiu and chongyun.

"hey gang, it's kingexplosionmurder here with your weekly sunday stream," you smiled and watched as comments came in asking you to notice them. beginning to select randomly, you flicked a short strand of hair behind your ear. "you have been noticed, yourlocalsugardaddy," you blessed them. and you swore you chose randomly.

on the other side of the screen, chongyun's face slightly flushed before eating his popsicle again. yes, that was his username, selected by xingqiu after the guhua heir was somehow able to trick him into selecting so. the situation must've been that he accidentally consumed some jueyun chili's, that was also xingqiu's doing.

he watched you smile as you explained your schedule for this stream, when he noticed you suddenly began laughing. it sounded genuine, he wanted to believe it was genuine, but there was a trace of disappointment in it. he observed your face, noticing you were looking at the chat box. "i agree too, scarymoose."

scarymoose: this streamer's kinda dog shit ngl 😐

by instinct, his fingers grazed over the keyboard as he analyzed the tone. this kid wasn't joking around with himself, he was really out to bring you down. he exhaled, shaking his head, wondering how you would deal in the situation.

yourlocalsugardaddy: miss karen this isn't yelp 🙄

he wasn't content with that yet, things could've gone onto more serious matters, but he knew you liked to keep your chat clean and peaceful. you went to the farther extents to keep that from happening, agreeing with rude comments yourself as a said joke, but actually have it sometimes harming you.

so chongyun tried his best to keep you happy.

redrumreaper: yo moose chill 😳

he recognized his friend xingqiu also trying to calm the situation as you just laughed it off and attempted to continue, sooner enough just beginning to ignore all his comments. some other viewers came up to your defense but in all honesty, you wanted to move on.

"s-so, i found some silk flowers outside of wangshuu inn yesterday, aren't they pretty?" you took a tiny bouquet of the said silk flowers and presented it to your viewers, holding it next to your cheek. the pink tone of the flowers matched the color of your cheeks and made for a nice picture. chongyun would've screenshotted it, but he respected your privacy.

yourlocaldumba$$: yes they're so pretty we love you 😍

13lue13erry: yes ong ong 💕 thiccer than my granny

Straw13erry: don't bring madame ping into this 💀💀

colino: are you sure it's alright to take from someone's legally owned property ?? much less from their garden

Straw13erry: u mean ur neighbors don't harvest ur flowers every day? 🙄 privilege spoke 🤚

yourlocalsugardaddy: vv pretty 😳

redrumreaper: simp 💀

you slightly choked over on your side and xingqiu calling chongyun a simp, for you. quickly clearing your throat, you regained your composure. your viewers could see that your cheeks had been dusted with a darker shade now.

13lue13erry: 👀

Straw13erry: 👀

yourlocaldumba$$: 👀

redrumreaper: 👀

sireluck: 💀

bazinga: 👀

dandelionn: 👀

poetichoe: 👀

"okay- anyways," you pushed that aside, watching the chain of 👀's coming in. you weren't too sure at what they were referring to, but just assumed that they were interested in xingqiu exposing chongyun. but, there was no way chongyun really felt like that, right? it was just a friendly compliment from what you believed. "just a tiny flex but y'all guys, i am so cracked at apex, not gonna lie. for all the new followers out there," you randomly commented. 'and to change the subject.'

"actually, you know what? fuck the schedule, let's go to trolling little eight year old kids posting selfies on instagram. due to certain reasons i'm just not gonna be blurring their usernames out, but please don't spam these people, i don't wanna be cancelled 💗" you sweetly smiled as you pulled up instagram and started streaming on your phone.

of course your sus notifications ruined it 🤡🤡

because xingqiu took advantage of the situation, sending messages to your discord. nothing mentioning your romantic life because he knew better than that, but just trolling. 'HEY GANG. ITS ME, TONY, AND TODAY WE'RE GONNA SEE IF IM FASTER THAN THIS MOUSE TRAP.' 'TURNS OUT, I AM NOT FASTER THAN THIS MOUSE TRAP.' 'AN UPDATE, IT HURTS. ALRIGHT. BYE GUYS.' you tried hard to contain your laughter, but certain giggles came out in the end, giggles that made chongyun's heart flutter.

xingqiu just kept spamming without a stop, to the point that you accidentally clicked into the notification instead of someone's username on a selfie post. so now everyone could see your group chat with xingqiu, chongyun, and a few other viewers that were actually your other friends.

13lue13erry: oh no 🤡

Straw13erry: 🗿

yourlocaldumba$$: HAHAHAHA WE'RE EXPOSED 🤡👌

just water support boy 😔: image.png

oh my god he's sending chongyun catboy edits. you made this concerning noise, glad no one really seemed to know who chongyun really was on twitch. you went back to instagram, beginning to dm a random kid, ignoring the situation that had just happened.

chongyun choked, slight heat running to his cheeks. what the fuck was xingqiu doing- how did he even get those pictures? maybe it was that one time xingqiu forced him to go to a furry con, but how did he ever get the time to photograph these? he nervously fidgeted and played with his fingers.

13lue13erry: 🤡

Straw13erry: 🤡

yourlocaldumba$$: 🤡

redrumreaper: 🤡

<— oraoraoraor

kingexplosionmurder: chav check

oraoraoraor: what

kingexplosionmurder: chav: check 😹😹

oraoraoraor: bruh

oraoraoraor: who tf are you

kingexplosionmurder: hope you like baddies cause i'm bad at everything 💗

oraoraoraor: bruh ok i'm blocking

kingexplosionmurder: stop dming me

oraoraoraor: 😐

kingexplosionmurder: stop dming me

oraoraoraor: wtf

kingexplosionmurder: stop dming me

oraoraoraor: wait wait UR that one twitch streamer?

kingexplosionmurder: stop dming me

oraoraoraor: ig ur fans gonna be so disappointed in you

kingexplosionmurder: stop dming me

oraoraoraor: hahaha wtf i'm gonna post this and tag you

kingexplosionmurder: stop dming me

afterwards you sent a barrage of really cursed images and left the person on read when they tried to complain and get a reaction out of you. you chuckled, extremely satisfied with yourself. this is what your viewers followed you for. you went on hunting for another user, "GO Y/N GO" filling up your chat.

you were just about to dm this other kid until you heard a ring from your doorbell. "oh what the fuck, i didn't invite anyone. but you know what, i'll pull something up to entertain y'all guys while i'm afk." searching on youtube, you typed in 'banana fish ep. 1' and clicked on the longest video you saw. then you got up from your chair, making your way to the front door.

you didn't mute yourself before because you thought there was really no need to, and you underestimated your mic sensitivity. god did you wish that you could go back and time and do just that.

twisting the doorknob, you opened your door and was met with... a certain, someone.

someone that you recognized and has caused you so much pain, and it was all so fun and games before they had to come along. "bruh. aight what you here for fam?" you played it super chill, though you were really sick and tired of this person's shit.

"(y/n). we need to talk," her stern voice made you flinch as you just stared straight into her eyes. you simply nodded your head and crossed your arms, shifting your weight onto your right leg. "we're thinking of taking you back home."

your froze, your breath hitching as you just stood there, waiting for her to go on. clenching your fists and looking down, you stayed silent for a little moment and questioned, "...why?"

"well, you have a stable income source, right?" she asked, putting her hands on her hips. "you can finally be of use to us," she clasped her hands together, a bright smile on her face. your finger twitched, awaiting an explanation. "you're a streamer, yeah? so you can be a useful asset to our family name."

"...you only want me to come back so i can make you all seem... good?"

and here you thought, just for a second, that you would be accepted back into the place where you really belonged. your shoulders slumped, as small tears began to well up in your eyes. "and for our profitable gain of course, it would be a shame to not acquire that from you."

you composed yourself and looked up. "im afraid my profit can only cover for one person, and it would be myself that i focus to make a suitable and independent living out of. you've kicked me out ever since i've graduated from college and had me fend for myself, now inviting me back once i have a stable job?" you breathed, fiddling with the sleeves of your black hoodie.

"oh, not inviting, dear. taking."

confused by her words, you let your guard down as she suddenly pushed a warm cloth over your mouth as you let out a constrained scream. you tried to break free of her grasp, reaching for the switchblade in your pocket, but the drowsing chemicals from the cloth took control of you and you felt disoriented. "you... bitch..."

your head hit the floor.

》●✿ time ● skip ✿●

silence.

thats all you heard when you awoke.

pure, unfiltered silence that overwhelmed you as you were completely lost. what was happening?

you tried turning to the other side of your childhood bed, the moon casting light shadows into your 'room'. there was a rope around your wrists you noticed, so you brought them up to your lips and starting gnawing on them until it broke apart. (guys we feral its not a furry instinct ok?/ ??  ?)

the material had irritated your skin, but you put that aside for now. escape- thats what you really needed to do. it was fairly dark, but you didn't have a good estimate of time. the analog clock was broken and set to a different time that displayed 11AM. you sat up, your fingers running along the frame of the window next to you.

for a moment, you stopped, thoughts rushing into your head. what if you could start a whole other life here where things could finally be peaceful, what if you didn't have to feel so isolated anymore, what if you could- ...

no. (y/n), get yourself together. what has happened will anyways stay there, and there is no healing scars. ...still, you couldn't shake off the feeling of missing this home so much when you had an amazing childhood, though full of fake actors who had manipulated you.

opening all the cabinets silently, you grabbed things that you assumed would come to your aid. a tiny backpack, which you then stuffed with other things around it. a first aid kit, a spare knife just in case, along with a clean oversized sweater and a couple dollar bills. all that, along with a compass.

you turned towards your window, stepping on your bed.

pushing open the sides of your window, your stepped on, the brown coldness of the frame coming in contact with your feet. you shivered just a little bit before stopping to think. what would you do once you were out of here? you barely knew your way here. and not to mention, your devices were still left at your other house, so there was no way of contact.

...

did your stream ever end? even if it did, had you muted yourself before leaving? no, you didn't, and you could remember in precise detail. someone out there, anyone, would be willing to help, right? you couldn't possibly be here forever, not when you're basically blown up all over your socials?

your friends, yes, your friends! xingqiu and chongyun were watching the stream and had made obvious interaction in doing so, and they'd be willing to protect you. if they just had a lead...

but... what lead was there? all they heard was the woman's voice and, that was probably it, wasn't it? only a voice with no other clear features that could identify her. it looked like you were doing this on your own.

you came in contact with the blades of grass tickling your feet and conveniently found a pair of sneakers outside. it definitely wasn't yours, and it smelled like the scent of your old room. most likely, it belonged to someone from inside your house, lavender and mint, but who inside there was in the age range to wear modern day sneakers..?

brushing that question aside, you unhesitatingly laced them on and they were just a bit too big, but you could manage.

you breathed, inhaling the freedom intertwined air, a much needed factor of bringing you back to your lost sense of happiness. then, the fear struck you once again, because you needed to improvise now. you needed to run, but which direction? you barely knew this place at all.

you dug around your pocket for the compass you had and it was pointing east. you remember that stepping out of your house was facing west, so you were going the right way... but who knows how messy the path was? it couldn't have been an exact pathway, but going directly ahead was your simplest option.

you heard a pair of footsteps coming from inside the house, probably a few seconds away to opening the door. you sucked in your breath and ran, ran as far as your legs could take you. your intimidating speed and played into your advantage, and taking one last look, you saw the lights on, before continuing.

a few minutes into it, you felt some elemental energy. it was a sense you learned to develop since you were young, giving you the upper hand in a variety of situations. you followed the trail of glowing lines, the air starting to get colder and colder. you shuddered, the crisp coldness nipping at your skin.

you sat below a tree, taking your backpack off your shoulder and took out the oversized sweater. you put it on over your black tee and light blue skinny jeans, its nostalgic aroma filling your sense of smell.

it was... warm.

it shouldn't be warm.

the warmth proved as a sign that someone had worn it before, but this size was from what you knew, too small to fit the woman you came across again, and you absolutely did not recall any other beings within the house. it was a small household.

suddenly, you remembered what she said.

we're thinking of taking you back home. you can finally be of use to us.

plural. you should've noticed it before and you shook your head, slightly disappointed in yourself. you didn't remember any other birth siblings. could it be the fact that during the time, they had, in a way, replaced you?

you sat up, then suddenly went drowsy. your eyelids were getting heavy as your back hit the same tree. ah, that clever bitch. you chuckled to yourself, but still unsatisfied how this was gonna end. reaching inside your pocket, you grabbed a bomb that a little kid gave you, and threw it as far as you could. it wasn't as far as you hoped, but it was exceptionally far considered your sleepy state.

in a few couple seconds or so, it was going to explode. you did that to divert the attention of her and slowly ran as far as you could. a few seconds in, you gave in, hoping that your efforts were enough. 》●✿ perspective ● shift ✿●

chongyun heard an explosion.

he raised his head in the direction smoke was coming from, and made a run for it, then stopping to think. no, you're smarter than this. he gathered his shit together and remembered that one day klee gave you a bomb. he deducted that you had used it as a diversion, and began to search around the area.

and finally, he came across your sleeping body. to ensure your living state, he crouched down and let two fingers travel across your neck, searching for a pulse, and was relieved when he found one, pulsing at a normal rate.

he then carried you on his back, picking up the pace since he deducted someone was out for you, would you need a distraction. he remembered some details of the woman, she had ended your stream with your sleeping form in her hands, a dirty smirk coming across her lips. she had dark hair with some natural highlights, but that was all he saw because the rest was concealed by a cloak.

a few minutes, maybe half an hour later, you began to stir. chongyun decided that he ventured far enough to liyue and slowed down for your comfort. he wanted you to get some well deserved rest. but slowly, you woke up, but only the tiniest movement was made. your eyes were still droopy and you wanted to return to sleep.

but the sight of pastel blue hair kept you from doing so.

you felt the familiar silk coming in contact with your arms as he kept on trudging forward at a more consistent and smooth pace. "..chongyun?" you muttered out weakly, earning a small smile from the male. he hummed in response, continuing forward.

your mind was cloudy, unable to interpret the language of the world. but softly, words effortlessly escaped your lips, "... did i do the right... thing?" blinking multiple times, you awaited his answer.

"yes, yes you did," his soft voice reached your ears, making you smile a bit. you nuzzled deeper into his shoulder, clinging onto him tighter, unwilling to let go.

"thank you," you whispered.

he chuckled a bit before responding, "anything for you."

_____

bro ending is a little off because i'm wrote this at 2:53AM and so my brain has went ⬇️⬇️ also i'm just hungry

copy and pasted from my wattpad,, @ppeachtea_

[corvus--rex]

One from way back when i first thought of doing a model Au, and way, way before I did Dripping in Gold for Julance - which I think I actually like better anyway. So that means that this one is pretty well abandoned. Not much to say about this one except that Allura is evil and enjoys watching her friends suffer >;)

~*~*~*~

“Allura, why?” Keith asked flatly with just a tinge of incredulousness.

“Because, that’s why,” she answered, getting up and following her stylist. She perched in the chair and took a selfie, her fingers flying across the keyboard as she added a caption before posting it to Instagram.

Keith got the notification, checking it before going back to the private message she’d sent him. The new post was another perfect selfie, her aqua eyes sparkling and dark skin glowing. “Getting my hair straightened!!! Sooo excited!!!” read the caption. Allura had been teasing a new hairstyle, temporary, of course, for an upcoming shoot all week. Only Keith and their friend Shiro knew what she was planning. And since Shiro was busy on a shoot himself, Keith had been dragged along to Allura’s styling appointment.

He slid lower in the leather sofa, returning to the private message. All she had sent was the name of another Instagram user and fellow model. He had nothing better to do, and so decided that he would at least check out what LB_Lance was like.

Allura wasn’t entirely wrong. Keith hadn’t dated in months. Ok, closer to a year. But he was busy! His modeling career and college took precedence over all else. His double major in fashion design and business took up a lot of his time, modeling taking up the rest. His dream end goal of establishing his own fashion house wasn’t going to fund itself. Maybe he had been neglecting his social life. But only a little.

Either way, she had decided that she'd had enough of Keith’s asocial antics. Unless he was working or in class, he was locked in his apartment, studying or working on projects for his double major. Allura used her contacts at Castle Modeling Agency, getting the name of Lance McClain's Instagram. She had seen him there before, run across him at agency parties, and knew he and Keith would hit it off if they were ever in the same room.

Soft aqua body glitter and naturally golden skin were the first things he saw when he went to LB_Lance’s most recent post. The glitter dusted his cheekbones, shoulders, and collarbone. It was artistic and intentional, highlighting his natural beauty rather than covering it. The tightlined, hair’s breadth gold eyeliner made his vibrant blue eyes inhumanly intense. One corner of his perfect lips was curled upwards ever so slightly. His dark hair was slightly damp, giving it a natural wave. He was dressed only in turquoise and gold board shorts, elbows leaning on a weather-worn, thick wooden rail.

Keith gasped softly. Holy fuck he was beautiful. He didn’t even have a chance to scroll any farther before getting a notification of another private message.

LB_Lance: Hey, StarPrincess said I should check you out. So I did. Damn, you’re hot. I think I’d like to see for myself. You free Sunday?

Keith looked up, glaring in Allura’s direction. “Allura, I hate you.”

“Why? What did I do?” she asked, feigning innocence.

“You know what you did,” he shot back, “And he’s pm’ed me.”

She giggled. “Did you look yet?”

“Yes. I did. I hate you.” He knew she was referring to Lance’s page, not the message, and what she meant by looking.

“Pretty, isn’t he?”

“Still hate you.”

Allura snorted, going back to her phone, while her stylist Angel continued with her hair, and Keith went back to his.

Kei_Ko: I have a sunset shoot Sunday, but I have all morning off. What’d you have in mind?

Kei_Ko: And even if my being hot were true, you’re a fucking god

LB_Lance: . . . I . . . um . . . ok. I, um, I was thinking of – hey, you know Jack’s?

Kei_Ko: The diner?

LB_Lance: Yeah! Meet up for a late breakfast? Like 10?

Kei_Ko: Sure.

LB_Lance: I’ll see you then. Later, sexy. ;)

“OhmygodIfuckinghateyouAllura,” Keith hissed all at once as he threw his phone to the other end of the sofa.

She cackled at the rushed sentiment. “Oh. My god. What happened?”

“I have a fucking date Sunday morning thanks to you.” He folded his arms, glaring at her.

“Huh. That’s usually when your dates end. This is a step up for you,” Allura said, taking a not-so-subtle dig at Keith’s tendency for short-lived relationships.

“Wow. Really? You’re going there? I may just have to make you walk to the shoot in this heat,” he retorted, watching her face contort.

“You wouldn’t. Keith, please. Tell me you’re joking.”

Keith tried. He really did. But he couldn’t keep a straight face and collapsed to the sofa in a fit of giggles. Allura realized he wasn’t serious and felt her own giggles bubbling up her throat. It took them both a few minutes before they’d calmed down enough to speak.

“You’re horrible,” Allura finally managed, “Remind me why I’m still friends with you?”

“Because you love me,” Keith replied from his sprawled position on the sofa.

“Debatable.”

Keith rolled over to retrieve his phone from where he’d thrown it, flipping Allura off in the process. She snorted and went back to her phone while Angel worked. Keith also returned to his phone and LB_Lance’s Instagram.

“So, what’s this guy’s real name, anyway?” he asked.

“Lance,” Allura answered without looking up, “Lance McClain. I have told him yours as well.”

“So, what’s the ‘LB’ for?”

“Dunno. Never asked. But then, I'm not the one who has a date with him, maybe you should be the one to ask that,” she teased.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, Allura.” Keith rolled his eyes at her and went back to scrolling through Lance’s Instagram.

<~>~<~>

Pidge launched herself onto Lance’s sprawled form. She felt it was only fair since he was taking up the entire sofa. He’d been on his phone all morning and completely ignoring her, and she finally got tired of it. Lance’s reflexes were good, and he grabbed Pidge by the waist and tossed her off of him and onto the floor, but not before she grabbed his phone. She landed on the floor with a grunt and a thud, but ignored it in favor of what had held Lance’s attention for so long.

“Damn, Lance, he’s hot,” she said, scrolling back up through the Instagram account of Kei_Ko, “You gonna be stalking him now?”

“Fuck off, Pidge,” Lance retorted, snatching his phone back, “And no, I'm not stalking him. I got a message that I should check him out from someone at Castle. Well, not just anyone. It was Allura. And for your information, I already pm’ed him. We’re meeting up for breakfast on Sunday.”

Pidge rolled to a sitting position and turned around. “You ass. Tell me everything.”

He sighed, rolling onto his side to face her. “I ran into Allura at Castle a couple days ago, and she suggested that I might want to look up one of her friends – who also happens to be a model – and that she’d message me on Insta. So, I did, and he’s beautiful, and I asked him out. There. That’s everything, you gremlin."

~*~*~*~

Links to the rest of the series:

1 | 2 | 3* | 4 | 5* | 6* | 7 | 8 | 9* | 10 | 11 | 12* | 13 | 14 | 15* | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19*

[hateswifi]

No More Second Chances: Chapter One

So I accidently delete this earlier and had a mini stress attack. So here it is back again. I hope you enjoy.

Master: Master List

No More Second Chances: Master List

-------------------

Marinette loved her family, but they didn’t believe her. They thought she was everything that her classmates said she was. One day she came home to Alya and Lila talking to her parents, Lila was crying. 

“I can’t believe you, I can’t believe myself! How could I raise someone who can be so heartless,” Sabine said, rubbing the tears from her eyes.

“Mama I didn’t do it!” Marinette defended.

“Don’t raise your voice at your mother, go to your room. I- We can’t even look at you,” Tom said, pointing at the door leading to the kitchen and upstairs.

“Let me explain though!”

“No, now go,” Sabine said, letting herself be enveloped in her husband’s supportive hug.

“I-” Marinette tries.

“Go! Now!” Tom says, rubbing Sabine’s shoulder. Marinette plopped down on her bed in tears, she’s so happy that Hawkmoth had been defeated or she wouldn’t be able to fight off the akuma. She was now the guardian and was solely in charge of the miraculous. Adrien, her best friend, and partner had been taken into the care of his aunt after Gabriel was revealed as Hawkmoth, leaving Marinette alone to suffer with the class. With no one to stand with her, the class became unbearable.

“Marinette, we are going to sign you up for the exchange program,” Sabine said sternly.

“Why can’t you understand that I didn’t do it? If you don’t believe me, fine, I’ll leave. There’s nothing here for me. My parents don't care and believe me. My classmates wish I was dead, most of them telling me to kill myself, which I have thought about but you wouldn’t that because you gave me so much freedom that it was borderline neglect. But ya know what? it’s fine, might as well lose my home along with the people I used to care about, Tikki let’s go pack!” Marinette screamed, Tikki flying over to comfort the girl.

“It’s ok Mari, I’ll still be with you,” Tikki said, nuzzling her head.

“Marinette, what is that?” Tom asks.

“You mean who! This is Tikki, the only person that cares about me,” Marinette says.

“I’m her kwami, I give her the power to be Ladybug,” Tikki explains.

“I guess if you can’t trust your daughter then you can’t trust Ladybug, the hero of Paris,” Marinette said, pulling her suitcase out of the closet. “When do I leave?” She asks through gritted teeth.

“Well, we started planning this a while ago so Monday,” Sabine cries. “But honey you don’t have to go! Stay here!”

“What were you going to wait till Sunday to tell me? That’s great. Well, I guess I don’t want to be a bother anymore, so you can leave,” Marinette said, grabbing clothes from her draw.

“I’m sorry Honey, please forgive me. You don’t have to leave I trust you,” Sabine pleads.

“Nope, if you can’t trust me, how can you trust Ladybug,” Marinette asks, toiletries from her bathroom. “You don’t care about me, that's all I need to leave. I’ll be back when I graduate to get the rest of my stuff. Then you’ll never see me again, just as you wanted.”

“No, sweetie you can stay with us we love you, we want you around,” Tom said. 

“Night, I’m going out, not like you would care or notice,” Marinette said. “Tikki, Spots on.” She said, transforming. “Shut off the light as you leave.”

“Marinette we need to talk about this!” Sabine said, trying to follow her up to the balcony.

“Bye, Sabine, Tom,” Ladybug said, jumping off the balcony. She sat on a roof and cried. She pulled out her phone and tried to compose herself. “A- Adr- Adrien, can I come to visit you tomorrow, well stay at your place till Sunday night?” Ladybug sniffles.

“What happened, Buginette?”

“Sabine and Tom are sending me away because Lila’s lies got to them, I revealed myself as Ladybug to them during my emotional spiel and they want me to stay because of it, but I can’t stay knowing that they don’t trust me, without the knowledge of me being Ladybug,” Ladybug explained, full-on tears rolling down her face.

“Ok that’s a lot, I’ll ask my aunt, I’m pretty sure she’ll say yes, though,” Adrien said. “Breathe with me ok” After she’s calm, she hangs up and grabs her stuff. She leaves her par-- Sabine and Tom a note.

‘Sabine, Tom,

I’m leaving but I’ll be home Sunday night. I will not speak to you, I just need you there so I can leave. Then you’ll see me once after I graduate to get the rest of my stuff. If you seek me out, I will not speak to you then. You’ve destroyed any chance you had at being in my life. For now, this is farewell. My decision won’t change.

- Marinette Jiayang Fu’

As Marinette got off the train, Sabine and Tom read her letter. They cried, not only had they driven their only daughter out of their home, they drove Ladybug out of Paris. She was so detached from them, because of them, she changed her last name. They mourned over their daughter and their mistakes.

“Adrien! I haven’t seen you in forever!” Marinette runs up and hugs him. He decided to meet her at the train station with Gorilla, Adrien convinced his aunt to keep Gorilla as his driver. He was happy to have a familiar face in London. 

“How are you doing?”

“I feel free? I guess being away from Paris is like a weight being lifted off of me,” Marinette sighed as she put her duffel in the trunk.

“Finally what took you so long?” a grumpy voice said as she opened the door.

“Sorry Marinette, I forgot to mention, we have to drop Felix off for a meeting before we head back home, ok?” Adrien said, closing the door.

“Of course. How have you been Felix? I haven’t seen you since you came to visit Adrien,” Marinette smiled.

“Fine,” he responds, before opening a manilla envelope. 

“Are you taking over your father’s business?” Marinette asks.

“Why does it matter?”

“Well if you are and it makes you happy, I’m happy for you,” Marinette smiled.

“What?” Felix asks looking up from his folder.

“I’m happy for you?” Marinette says, confused.

“Marinette, Felix may be a bit confused because you guys didn’t end on the best note,” Adrien explained.

“That’s all in the past,” Marinette said.

“Oh… um, thank you,” Felix says, looking back down at the papers.

“Don’t mention it,” Marinette said, looking out the window. Gorilla growls, prompting Felix to get out of the car. After Felix enters the building, Gorilla drives off back to the house.

“Aunt, I don’t know if you met my friend Marinette, but she’s here and she’s very nice,” Adrien greets, opening the door.

“Sorry Madame, I just couldn’t stay with my parents, but I’ll be gone Sunday afternoon. My parents are sending me to the states,” Marinette explained.

“I’ll show you to our guest room, Honey,” Amelie said, walking up the stairs. “Brunch will be soon.”

“Ok Ma’am,” Marinette said, opening the door.

“Nope, no ma’am, call me aunt. Adrien talks so much about you,” She smiles. “Get settled in and join us downstairs.”

“Ok, Aunt I’ll see you soon then,” Marinette giggles, closing the door before plopping down on the bed with a sigh she states. “This has been such a long day.”

“It’s only ten o’clock,” Tikki laughs.

“I know but I’ve been up all night,” Marinette complained, flipping to lay face down on the bed.

“I bet they’ll have coffee downstairs,” Tikki said, that was all Marinette needed to be motivated to go downstairs. After a lovely brunch, which included coffee, Adrien and Marinette decided to go to the tourist sights. Later, Adrien would post selfies among other pictures of them together. When she went to bed that night, she passed out.

Marinette woke up early the next morning, being a baker’s daughter and all. The only person awake was Felix, who was sipping tea and looking over his tablet. “Good morning Felix,” Marinette said, brewing a cup of coffee.

“Good morning, how long are you staying for?” He responded, looking up from his tablet.

“I’m going to leave after dinner, I’m catching a train back to Paris, because apparently, I have an early flight,” Marinette sighs.

“Very well,” Felix said, standing. He walks over to the sink and places his teacup in it. “Well, if I don't see you before you leave, have a lovely flight.”

“Thank you, Felix,” Marinette says as he leaves the room. Sunday flew by fast and soon Marinette and Adrien stood back on the train station platform. They hug good-bye with promises to talk soon. As she sat down on the near-empty train she sighed thinking of the journey ahead. When she got close to her house, she transformed into Ladybug and climbed in through the balcony hatch. She showered and went to bed.

When she woke up the next morning, she was met with the smiling faces of Tom and Sabine. She got up, brushed them, grabbed her suitcase, and headed downstairs.

“Please Marinette, reconsider, we’ll stand with you,” Sabine pleads.

She shakes her head and exits, she sits in the car and Sabine and Tom reluctantly get in. “I’m sorry that it came to this,” Tom said, starting the car, his eyes were red and puffy. On the way to the airport, they tried to convince her to stay, even when she was waiting to board her plane, they were still there pleading with her to forgive them. As her flight was called, they didn't hold back their tears.

“May we please have one more hug before we don’t see you again?” they plead, grabbing her hand. Now, Marinette may not be happy, she may be downright pissed at them, but she was not cold. 

She nodded her head and they enveloped her in a big wet, tear-filled hug. She broke away, leaving them together to board the plane. She never looked back.

She realized as she sat down as she was looking through her carry on for her sketchbook, they had left something in there for her. It was information about her host family, an apology letter she couldn’t be bothered to read. She now knew who she was supposed to be looking for when she landed. She spent the rest of the trip sketching in her sketchbook, watching Friends, and sleeping. 

When the plane landed, she got off the plane and got her luggage. She entered the main area of the airport, where three people with a sign stood. She smiled and walked towards the group. “Hello, are you Marinette?”

-------------------------- I hope you enjoyed, ask me if you want to be on the tag list.

[zoe-tedrva]

This is just one quick snap of my adorable and beloved "Little Hannah" branded under my "girl name" which I use a lot on insta and also do my girl selfies with (of me). I am sort of branching that brand outward to include a lot of things. I have both a guy and a girl side and the girl side is my favorite --I love girl stuff! This photo was one of many I took on Christmas Day 2021. It was a hellish week leading up to it. It was probably my worst holiday yet. I had nobody but me as the last remaining family is gone and I have few friends being so socially awkward and well just plain quirky lol. I have a UK friend named "Rose" whom I keep in touch with and have for many years. She's my only really close friend now. That said, we often get caught up in the madness of life and loose frequent touch but she's always there. This holiday she made the day. She wanted to video chat (which I wanted to do also as we hadn't in a while). I had no money, not a dime or a cigarette butt all week. She sent me a few to do dinner and we were supposed to eat while doing the video thing but the place we had in mind here where I am was closed. I got the hours wrong. It was a really good Greek place too and I had looked forward to doing a pick up. Needless to say, my Greek blood was salivating but had to be quenched with some quick mart coffee from a nearby Wawa. That was enough though. I had to get a little gas, some very cheap cigs and I wanted to hold a little until my next payout a few days later. That said, I did manage to get some treats for my beloved Hannah whom my UK friend also adores. I got here three things so she'd have a little for a while. She had gone without for days as I did and I felt worse for her than me. I always like to spoil her. I managed to use some of the money Rose sent to get her some treats and she loved them as you can see. Rose just doesn't quite realize just how much of a difference she made this holiday for me and little Hannah too. Not only was it good for me to chat online with video as I had been so isolated. I also had a chance to do my little weekly routine in a historic district where I do my weekly walk and hang out at a favorite Starbucks on the route. While doing all of this Sunday, I managed to do a photo journal for Rose which I have yet to edit. It was just so much fun and just what I needed most. I also got a chance to sport my new Aeropostale tennis skirt I love (and had to put off for months to get at only $18 bucks). It's a bit off and needs to be fixed but I can hide it and it works --so cute. I enjoyed doing my get up with makeup and doing my walk and hanging out at Starbucks a bit beforehand. All said, that was the best gift of all so I want to pay it back with the joy of the photos I did at some point soon since I have very little. I do creative things for people in lieu of money and while most don't give a shit --I know Rose always does. All said stay tuned. I will post more as they come. So many creative things "piling up" to get to and finish. I also learned some new tricks that will save me time with all the photo stuff I do as I tinkered with these. That gift of luck and determination coupled with the money to just be "comfortable" --not rich or well padded but enough to breath and just have a little something made all the difference. Little Hannah is also my only friend besides Rose and she keeps me ticking a lot of time.

If you would like to help a creative artist slash a lot of things creative throw a few bucks my way. I am in process to build a more stable secure stream but now I really down below zero and having a time to just do the bare basics and be comfortable. $tedrva (cash app) @tedmrva (paypal) Any donation, even a few bucks helps. I don't expect to be rich off this and keep going with it. I just need something to stay afloat for a little while with very little until I can get some of my creative projects going.

[sadaboutniall]

Without Fear

masterlist | tag | wattpad

hiya! since tomorrow is thanksgiving I thought it would be better for everyone if I posted this week’s chapter today! hope you like!

Chapter Two. February 

give me moonlight, and a smile from you that I can // that I can barely believe — dancing under red skies, dermot kennedy

It comes on slow, the way waves lap up against the shore late at night, when there aren’t many boats out to disrupt them. Over and over, bit by bit, it settles in. The first wave of it bites at Lu’s ankles when her toilet overflows at 6am, leaving her standing in her socks in the bathroom, soaking wet, worrying about the water leaking into the shop below, while Ruairí meows in concern from his spot atop the sink. Frantic, Lu calls her dad, and it goes to voicemail twice before she remembers it’s 1am in New York. 

Accompanied only by a YouTube tutorial and the rising sun, Lu manages to fix the mess, shower, and start the day all on her own. Her dad calls back five hours later, and Lu feels like she’s lived a whole lifetime between then and now. 

The second wave of it has more venom. She sleeps in on a Sunday—the only day the shop is closed—stirring around 10 because Ruairí is relentless, screeching in her ear, kneading at her belly, desperate for something to eat. Mindless, she feeds him, freshens up his water, makes herself a cup of coffee, pulls out a pastry leftover from Siobhan’s bake the day before, and settles into a spot by the window of her flat, overlooking the sea, all before thinking to take a look at her phone. 

Even if she goes 12 hours without looking at her phone, Lu finds she doesn’t miss much these days—she left home on a whim, without a ton of fanfare, and knows full well that she isn’t putting in the effort she should to keep in touch with friends from home. She also knows that’s why she left.

So, most mornings, she wakes up to a few messages in the family group chat, a message or two from her best friend Georgia, and not much else. This morning, it’s different. 

208 texts. 12 missed calls. 

Lu’s stomach sinks like a stone. Her whole body heats up at once. Her hands start shaking and her heart starts hammering, all before she even manages to swipe open a single notification. 

She doesn’t even have the wherewithal to cycle through possibilities. Her brain, hitting overdrive from the start, has no question that it’s bad. 

In WhatsApp, Lu finds that her family group chat has 206 messages. She has one separate text from her dad, and a final separate text from her brother. Nothing from her mom. 

Shaking, she swipes open her dad’s first. On the counter, Ruairí is sniffing at a banana. 

Hi, love, his message says. Figured the number of messages in the group chat is overwhelming. We’re at the hospital with Sam now. All is well, the appendix is out and he’s resting. Mary’s with us, she got back from Honduras yesterday. Good timing. Give us a call when you get a chance. 

From her brother, Lu finds a selfie. He’s in a hospital bed, gown around his shoulders. He looks pale, dark circles around his eyes, but he’s okay—he’s smiling, giving the camera a thumbs up. Underneath, the message says I lived, bitch. 

Relief coursing through her, Lu lets out a shaky laugh. It’s scarily on-brand for Sam to pull out a meme at a moment like this. 

Slowly but surely, Lu’s heartbeat slows to its normal rate. As it does, she scrolls back through the messages from the night before: her brother raising the alarm that he had a pesky pain in his side, their mother, a doctor herself, urging him to get it checked out. There’s a moment where Sam says the doctor is sending him home, and another where their mom urges him to demand an ultrasound, just in case. He does, and they find the appendicitis. Lu shudders to think what would’ve happened had her mother been the one sleeping soundlessly an ocean away. 

It’s five am in New York. Lu figures they’re all shattered. Rather than call and risk waking everyone up after what was surely a late, long night, Lu shoots off a text to her dad, asking him to call her when they wake up and sending lots of love. She turns her ringer up all the way so she won’t miss anything else. She feels a million miles away. 

####

On February first, Lu wakes up in a cold sweat. It’s still dark outside, but that doesn’t mean much in a place where the sun doesn’t rise until nearly 9am. Still, Lu doesn’t even need to look at a clock to know it must be early: perched on the pillow next to her head, Ruairí is snoring gently, dead to the world, not yet ready to demand breakfast. 

Heart hammering, Lu gropes around the bed until her hand closes around her phone, cold. She squints, then sighs, as she checks the time.

4:45am. 

Lu is no stranger to waking up mid-panic attack. Sometimes, it feels like choking—like she can’t get a breath down deep enough, to pool in the bottom of her lungs. Other times, it feels like an unavoidable urge to get up, move, get as far away from the space she woke up in as physically possible. Right now, it feels like a stomach ache, period pains, itchy skin, her body trying to tell her that something, somewhere, is going terribly wrong. 

Logically, she knows it’s not. She holds her breath, five, four, three, two, one, and checks her phone as her heart jackrabbits away. Nothing out of the ordinary: her mom texted a picture of her glass of wine with dinner to the family group chat, her dad reported the score of a soccer game, her brother sent that he’d managed to run a full two miles today, his furthest since the appendectomy. Everything is fine. 

Except for Lu. 

There’s no use trying to go back to sleep; Lu knows herself better than that. Heart still working overtime despite reassurance, she slips out of bed as gently as she can, praying that she won’t wake Ruairí. She’s silent as she gets dressed and silent as she tiptoes out of her bedroom, out of the apartment, and down the stairs. The morning is still and dark, but you can hear for miles and miles on Inis Mór, and as she begins her walk the soft, familiar sounds of tractors roaring to life, cows mooing for their breakfast, sheep and goats bleating, remind Lu that she’s not the only one—that others are here too, alive, beginning their day, pushing on. Home. And underneath it all, there is, always, the sound of the waves, constant, crashing against the shore. 

####

Lu doesn’t get a chance to nap. She walks, balancing on the edge of the cliffs that overlook the Atlantic, breathing in the sea air and thinking about how the water here, crashing, violent against the cliffs below her is the same water that once lapped up on the shores of Long Island, of Coney Island, of the Rockaways, of home. Seagulls swoop, low and graceful, over her head, over the ocean, and Lu thinks that if she asked her dad to drop a floatie into the Atlantic for her it just might make it—just might wash up here, on the edge of the Earth, the way she has. 

She walks and walks—you can walk all the way around Inis Mór and back in under five hours, but she doesn’t have that kind of time. She walks along the cliffs, the white, blinding, otherworldly geology of the Burren, through the grass and the mud and the cow shit, until she’s back at the cafe, windows glowing golden against the rising sun, condensation clinging to them from the inside. Siobhan is pulling pastries out of the oven when she opens the door around 6:30, and Ruairí, curled up on the counter, looks at her, bitter. 

Siobhan smiles, “There you are. No worries, pet, I’ve fed him his breakfast.” 

She wobbles through the day, exhausted from the panic, the walk, the lack of sleep. She messes up at least two orders—gives Mrs. Duffy whole milk instead of skim, drops Mr. Kennedy’s sandwich on the floor while she’s bringing it over to him—but, as always, no one bats an eye. They touch her arm gently, lull “oh, it’s no bother, darling, we’ll make it right, now,” and the cadence of their laughter carries as she does exactly that. There’s no venom, no rush, nothing to give Lu the adrenaline she so badly needs to make it through the day. 

Somehow, she almost forgets that it’s Niall’s first day. But all of a sudden it’s twelve hours later and he’s bustling inside, bringing a rush of cold air with him. The door swings shut behind him and Lu, who had been curled up at the cushioned window seat with Ruairí on top of her in a moment of quiet, jumps. The cat’s only just forgiven her for this morning, and her movement causes him to stalk off in anger. She sighs after him.

“Oh, no,” Niall laughs a little, “sorry, did I interrupt something?” He looks soft and sweet in his dark jeans, his hat pulled low over his forehead. He’s shedding his puffer jacket to reveal a navy blue cable knit sweater and his cheeks are flushed from the cold. His eyes, bright and blue as Lu remembers them, find hers. He smiles. 

“Yeah,” Lu just about manages. “He just forgave me, you totally ruined it.”

Niall barks out a laugh, head thrown back, shoulders hunching up. “What did you do?” 

“Forgot to feed him breakfast this morning,” Lu sighs. “Siobhan did it, but he held it against me anyway.” 

“Ah, well,” Niall shrugs. “I’d be mad too, if I were a cat.” 

“S’a good thing you’re not, then,” Lu smiles. “I’m not here to feed you.” 

Niall’s still giggling. Lu wonders if he ever stops. 

“I’m thinking I might make him pupcakes or something as an apology…” Lu is rambling a bit now, but she’s so tired, and Niall’s so cute, and nothing is real here, anyway. “I know they’re for dogs but I can’t imagine they’re bad for cats? I bet he’ll like those—honestly, I bet he’ll just like knowing I slaved over a hot stove for him. It’s like he can tell, you know?” 

It wasn’t meant to be that funny, but Niall is fully cackling, crinkles by his eyes on full display, one hand clutching his tummy. “You’re funny,” he says between laughs. “A bit looney, me da would say—hey, Lu, looney, Looney Tunes. It all makes sense.” 

“Isn’t ‘looney’ offensive?” The banter with him comes so easily, Lu doesn’t let herself overthink it. “Think we’re supposed to stop using it.” 

“Ah, well,” Niall’s pulling his guitar out to tune, now, “You’re in Ireland now, love. All good nicknames are a little offensive.”

####

The night is mostly quiet, a dozen customers at the most, which Lu thinks is probably good for Niall’s nerves. He’s just as stunning as he was the night Lu first met him, pulling out an arsenal of covers ranging from Bruce Springsteen to Post Malone, somehow making them all work for his voice, for the vibe, for everyone, but he’s shaking—she can see it when he pushes his hair off his forehead, or when he drops his pick on the floor between songs, laughing awkwardly as he bends to grab it. Even with the mistakes, the dropped pick, the few stumbles over lyrics, he’s endearing, engaging, all-consuming. Lu’s meant to be working, but she can’t find it in her to look away.

From her spot at the counter, Lu watches how Niall keeps his eyes trained on the window across from him. He doesn’t seem to be looking for anyone or anything, but Lu suspects it’s easier than looking his audience in the eye—despite the fact that she can see for herself just how captivated they are. It shouldn’t take an hour and a half to drink one coffee and eat one slice of chocolate cake, but that’s how long old Mr. Kane spends in the shop anyway, eyes closed, listening to Niall play. 

For two full hours, Niall keeps the shop warm and alive. Everyone is so captivated that Lu barely has to work after all; she leans up against the counter instead, cradling the mug of hot chocolate that Siobhan made her before she left for the night, and taking him in. She barely knows him, and yet. 

Lu has seen plenty of nervous first-timers performing in front of apathetic crowds—it was practically her job, after all. She’s also seen more than her fair share of world class performers stunning crowds that want to eat them up, keep them on stage forever, bottle their energy and carry it through the rest of their lives. Working in the music industry, even just as an assistant, for five years turned her hard and jaded, made her feel like she’s seen the seedy, rough, rude underbelly of it all—but she’s never seen anyone perform like Niall before. His unadulterated, all consuming love for music is tangible, even from across the room. This is now Niall communicates. This is how he understands the world. This is how he sees life. Half of Lu feels lucky to hear it—the other half feels sick knowing that his talent is wasted here.

It almost makes her sad to have to close up at 9. Niall’s good about it—he’s designed his set to last exactly two hours, finds a climax in the middle with “Dancing in the Dark” and tapers his song choices toward a slow but steady ending, letting everyone know, without having to say it, that it’s time to head home. Lu doesn’t even have to ask him if he knows how to play “Closing Time.” 

Mr. Kane is the last to leave, sticking around a little after nine to shake Niall’s hand and tell him he had no idea how talented Maura’s son is. He talks about Maura—Lu assumes she must be Niall’s mom—while Lu slowly, quietly begins putting dishes away. She likes the routine of this already, Niall’s quiet voice, his booming laugh, his warm presence keeping her company while she settles down for the night. It’s something she could get used to. It’s something, the first thing, she thinks she could miss, if she left. 

Niall masterfully leads his conversation with Mr. Kane toward goodbyes, shaking his hand again as he shuts the door behind him. Lu looks up from where she was rinsing a cup to watch as Niall watches through the window to make sure Mr. Kane gets in his car. He waits for the car to start before turning around, leaning his back up against the door, dragging a hand through his hair, and letting out a long sigh. 

“Alright?” Lu asks, gentle. Niall’s got his eyes closed, his head back, neck exposed to her. It’s thick and littered with freckles, and his Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows. In her chest, Lu’s heart does something funny. She presses her thighs together, tight. 

Niall opens his eyes halfway, exhaling a little laugh as he meets Lu’s gaze. She hopes he can’t tell—how could he? 

“Yeah,” he says then, standing all the way up and shaking his head. “That was mad.” 

“It was amazing,” Lu counters. She gently places the mug back into the sink, bracing her hands against the edge. Part of her is afraid of what she’ll do without something between him and her. “They were so into it. No one could look away from you.”

Her cheeks flush, and Niall catches it. The corner of his mouth pulls up in half a smile as he shoves his hands into his pockets. “Ya think so?” 

“I know so,” Lu presses her lips together, but it doesn’t do much to prevent her smile. “‘Dancing In The Dark’ was my favorite one; it’s perfect for your voice.” 

“Thanks, Looney Tunes,” Niall hums, making his way back over toward her. “Can I help ya clean up? I wash, you dry?”

“Oh,” Lu stills. She’d half forgotten about the dishes still left to clean, the floor to sweep, the leftovers to toss, the counters to wipe down. Her mind stumbles over the best way to go about this: it would be rude to keep him, but, God, she wants his company. She realizes, with a slight swoop in her belly, that she hasn’t felt homesick in two hours. She needs him to stay. “I actually—I have a dishwasher. I just like to rinse everything before I put it in.” 

Niall smiles. He comes around the counter to stand next to Lu at the sink, knocking his hip against hers. “Sensible,” he says. It’s quiet. Just for her. “I’ll rinse and put ‘em in. You’ve been stood here all night. What else do you have to do?” 

“Uh,” Lu feels like her whole body is vibrating. Her mind turns over itself like an engine that won’t start. “Sweep the floors, wipe down the counters, lock up.” 

“Alright,” Niall is so close that Lu can smell his aftershave. Warm, soft, mixed with sweat from his nerves and the smell of his skin. “Let’s do it.”

####

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