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postmodernbeliever · 9 months ago

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not for a second longer - fox mulder x female reader (fluff)

fox is coming home from a case that's got him missing you like crazy, and you're (im)patiently waiting.

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my ao3 | word count: 3,070

content tags: dorks in love, fox mulder misses you, domestic fox mulder, fluff, domestic fluff, worry, romance, waiting, overthinking, fox is an idiot (/pos), reunited and it feels so good, just soft fluff that's all, cross-posted on ao3, mentions of murder/case material but briefly!

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fox felt like if another second passed without hearing your voice, he might go insane, and this was a first- even for a complete lover boy like him.

the agent has been away on a case for a few days. not much shorter or longer than any other work he’s done, but this time he couldn’t bear being far from home. he’d done everything just as he always does- there were no changes in the routine he’s tailored since he met you. he called every night to let you know he was safe and hear about your day, even if it was late and he woke you up by doing so; he’d remind you to feed his fish, and ask you about that nagging coworker who the two of you nicknamed hannibal because he always brought something creepily edible for lunch (the man ate steak tartare like his life dependent on it, honestly.) and you’d complain, like always, and you’d ask how his case was going, which would lead to him willingly divulging all kinds of classified information just for fun. you’d offer advice if you could. you weren’t as invested in the paranormal as he was, but you’d had your share of spooky stories, so your middle-of-the-road perspective helped at times. the phone call was always the same, but it didn’t matter what you talked about. he just wanted to hear your voice as badly as you did his, and it put you both at ease. so he called.

like clockwork, fox admired the engraved backside of his watch before he fell asleep every night, where it said don’t keep me waiting. it was an inside joke that sparked when you’d first started dating. fox warned you up and down about how dangerous his job can be, how he’s been injured and in and out of hospitals and how multiple criminals are likely sitting on plans for his murder if they ever break out of incarceration. he prepared to see you get overwhelmed and leave him due to the potential stress; yet when he packed up for his first case, you kissed him softly, no fear to be felt, and told him not to keep you waiting because you couldn’t promise to keep his fishes alive while he was gone. the watch was last christmas’ gift, and he never took it off, especially when he was away.

fox even kept with his dorky tradition of taking one of the many shirts you’d left at his apartment and sleeping with it under his pillow, where he could hold onto it and feel like he at least had a piece of you while he was alone. when you found out he did such a thing, you teased him brutally, and then you began leaving clothes in every corner of the apartment for him to save. and you left your spare perfume bottle in his bathroom cabinet, so he could concentrate them with you.

the man took all the cheesiest precautions to make his work out of state bearable until he could solve the damned things and get back home, but even with all of his bases covered, it wasn't enough. something felt different this time. coming back to a motel every night, like he had for his whole career before he met you, was torture. every moment of the case strung him farther out. now, if you’d asked the lovely and level-headed dana scully why fox was so eager to be done with the case, she would’ve given you a plain and simple explanation: the two were investigating a string of seemingly unrelated murders by men unto their girlfriends, but fox had a suspicion that some kind of entity persuaded each man to kill the girl who kept their beds warm. and with every day that they didn’t track the cause down, he felt the pressing weight of your safety and how much he cared for you, and it was making him- as scully would kindly put it, of course- act out extremely irrationally. even you could put two and two together there, but he’d been a bit avoidant over the phone about this one job, so you didn’t know. fox refused to think about you in connection to the work, though, because to allow his brain to cross its signals and imagine you and him as victim and suspect (as a paranoid brain might) would just be stupid. but whether he meant to think of you or not, everything was putting him on edge by association, and he was itching to see you happy and healthy and still his.

by the time fox deciphered that the newest date-night romantic comedy at the local movie theater was having midnight showings, and the ticket booth operator was a twenty-five year old involuntary celebate who was admitting loving couples into the place and watching them make out right in front of his jealous eyes, the case was a one-and-done. scully didn’t buy that the employee was telekinetically causing the boyfriends to kill, but the kid got shot in a police chase, so fox was left to his conclusions and she to hers. and he couldn’t drag her ass out of town fast enough. fox was two hours early to the airport. he bounced his leg on the entire flight home, and scully barely got a “see you tomorrow” out by the time he hailed a cab and ordered the driver to his address.

his gut was twisting itself in knots, hoping you’d be home. you practically lived with him by how much time you spent at his apartment; the truth was that he was away so often, and you just couldn’t sleep unless you could curl up in his bed, with his pillows and blankets and wearing his clothes, and let everything that belonged to him comfort you until you got the man back himself. he knew you’d be there- it was nearly one in the morning. but still, after all this time staring at dead girls and thinking about how in love they were with the trusted boys who slit their throats, he just wanted to collect you into his arms and keep you there.

you were wide awake because you knew he was on his way. you stayed up all night watching all the classic movies he had on tape, glancing at the clock, trying to stop obsessing over the unlikely crash of his plane. you were standing in his little kitchen, watching the tea kettle boil and listening to the fuzzy transatlantic accents yapping a room away, when the front door of the apartment swung open.

you didn’t even have time to leave the kitchen. fox threw his bags down like a child and scurried to you, engulfing you in his arms; he drew your body snugly into his and buried his face in your shoulder. he was squeezing the air from your lungs, but you didn’t mind. you combed your fingers through his moussed-up hair, breaking up the curated clumps and reminding it of how it naturally fell against his head. he smelled just as he did when he left, like his ralph lauren polo green- minty and smoky, and so much himself. his soft leather jacket hung onto the smell of his taxi, but you ignored the staleness and inhaled the good stuff.

“i missed you so much,” fox sighed. the man showered you with kisses all over your neck and jaw, traveling up the valleys of your cheeks to make sure he got your eyes and nose and forehead, too. you squirmed playfully and swatted at his hands, but he only smiled and fought you off.

“jeez, it’s like you thought i died or something!” you giggled.

fox’s eyes flashed with something that looked like momentary worry, and then it was gone- replaced with a warmth you’d missed more than you realized the past few days. his arms were around you again, this time much gentler, and he asked, “you feel safe with me, don’t you?”

“what? fox, why would you even ask that? of course i do,”

“you know i’d never hurt you,”

“baby, you’re the only person in the world i feel safe with.” you promised, petting the back of his head softly, smoothing the hair down his neck. with both hands, you lifted his face from your shoulder and brought his face close, so you could look right into his ruminative eyes. the man smiled as your thumbs caressed the stubble growing in on his cheeks, those rounded teeth poking out beneath his top lip the way you adored. your chest fluttered, and you couldn’t help but return the gesture.

“are you okay, baby?” you asked, knocking your forehead against his playfully.

the man dipped his neck low and pressed his lips to the corner of your mouth. somehow it felt more intimate than if he’d truly kissed you; like by being an inch off base, he was saying more than the real thing could. he always did things like that, such small gestures that would go unnoticed if he was any other guy and you were any other girl, but every move fox made was conscious. each one was a choice that meant something. kissing you in such a way wasn’t a mistake, it was purposeful- he was proving his allegiance, ruling your mouth was more sacred and deserved to be earned. he was poetic in that respect, you knew it, and it made every hair on your body stand up. maybe that’s why you shifted your position and locked him in a normal kiss- a forceful one, at that. to remind him that you were nothing sacred, just someone who desperately loved him.

you’d missed the way his lips molded to yours, the familiar chapped patches that came from his nervous biting, the way his scruff scratched your chin. you even missed the feeling of his breath as it blew out of his nose and across your face, warm and frequent, because he always seemed to breathe faster when you got close, like a teenage boy. you kissed him hard, letting your hands fall down his chest and press against his abdomen, remembering the sculpted curves of his stomach beneath his t-shirt. fox’s lips curled upwards as you touched him, and in those few moments of your neediness, he was sure you meant what you said before- that you truly did feel safe with him.

when he pulled away, he brought the pad of his thumb to your plump bottom lip, holding you by the chin. “i’ve been going crazy without you, you know.”

“so have-” you began, but were cut off by the sudden screeching of the forgotten kettle behind you. both fox and yourself jumped, and you rushed to twist the knob on the stove, shutting the thing up in frustration. “sorry.”

“it’s okay,” the agent chuckled.

“you want some?”

“only if you bring it over to the couch for me,” fox said, batting his eyelashes jokingly.

“what am i, your mother?” you countered.

fox rolled his eyes and pressed another kiss to your lips, rebutting, “no, but you do love me, don’t you?”

“oh, shut up. go unpack.”

you listened to his footsteps as he went to retrieve his bags and haul them to his bedroom. smiling to yourself, you waited to hear him open the door and laugh. every time he came home, you left his bed an unruly mess and accumulated as many water cups on his nightstand as possible, and he had a love-hate relationship with it (mostly love, because he adored the idea of you living in his space.) a full-bodied sound came from the other side of the apartment, a hearty one, and a voice called, “impressive collection you’ve got in here!”

with two steeping cups of oolong you walked slowly back to fox’s living room, where his copy of vertigo had rewinded to the start. you settled into the couch, putting your feet up on the coffee table and watching jimmy stewart dangle from a drainpipe as you awaited your boyfriend’s return. it always took him a little while to unpack because it was more like repacking- he would swap out all his worn clothes with new ones and throw everything in the hamper, and he had to take out all his necessities only to keep them somewhere easy for him to grab come the next time work sends him away. you were used to waiting for him, but how he acted tonight was making you impatient.

when fox was finally done and changed into a clean shirt and pajama pants, he headed towards the hallway to come and sit with you. but he paused when he came to the corner, making his steps quiet, so he could take a look at you undisturbed. you were slouched on his old, rickety couch, in clothes all belonging to him; a pair of old gray sweatpants that hugged your thighs, given they were a bit bigger than his skinny ones, his old oxford long sleeve that has a hole in the neck, and a frumpy blue grandpa-style cardigan he hasn’t worn in years. your hair was tucked away in an unraveling braid, with little locks fanning like leaves across the apples of your cheeks. your chipped nails cradled the mug in your palms, and the colors from the box television danced in the reflection of your chunky tortoiseshell glasses. he imagined you sitting like this while he was off on a case, at home in his home, watching his movies and wondering about him like he did of you late at night. you were so pretty and so important that he felt the love buzzing in his fingertips and toes.

the man came around the corner and sat down cautiously on the couch so as not to spill your tea. your face softened at his arrival, and you leaned forward to place your cup down and clamber back to him, throwing your arms around his neck. fox hoisted you onto his lap despite your objections, and he hugged you tighter. he just didn’t feel like letting you go tonight, it seemed.

“did you eat?” you asked, looking down into those puppy eyes that gazed up.

“a little while ago.”

“how long was a little while ago?”

“...ten o'clock this morning?” fox grinned sheepishly.

“fox! aren’t you starving? let me go heat something up, i got chinese last night-”

“shh, no, not yet,” he grabbed your hips as you tried to get off of him, “don’t go anywhere yet. sit for a minute.”

“but-”

“no buts. just sit with me a little longer and then i promise i’ll eat, okay?”

you sighed, only half-aggravated, and nodded softly. “alright, fine.”

you rested your head in the crook of his neck, your shoulder pressed to his; he twisted you a bit so you had a chance to look at the tv and sit on him at the same time. fox’s fingers traced mindless shapes against the fabric of his sweatpants on your knee, finally at ease. you stole a glance at him from the side and admired the way even his harshest features seemed to curve softly; his square jaw melted into his neck, his aquiline nose a pretty protrusion alongside his lashes that curled wildly. you always thought his face was the most deserving of marble preservation, far more than those ancient guys.

“you're missing the movie,” he flushed.

“i already watched it tonight.”

the man nuzzled your forehead like a puppy, feeling his stomach flip as your palm rested flat against his chest. you snuggled right up to him and let out a heavy breath you didn’t know you were holding. the two of you sat quietly for a while, taking turns watching each other and remembering what it felt like to be close, and you were half-asleep in the comfort of his arms when his stomach growled and woke you up.

“i’m gonna go make you something,” you chuckled.

“awh, come on, you were just about to sleep!” he whined.

“fox, i want you to eat. once you have a little something then i’ll climb right back on you, promise,” you teased, pushing up off the couch.

“whatever,” he groaned, but there was a toothy smile behind the complaint, so you took it well.

fox watched as you sauntered off to the kitchen, and he called after you, “hey, wait,”

“what?”

the man hopped off the couch and scrambled to the doorway, where you were only feet from the refrigerator. he stooped down and planted a smooch to your forehead, muttering an, “i love you.”

“just can’t leave my side now, hm?” you nudged fox’s nose with your own and gave him a look so fond it nearly melted him into a puddle on the kitchen tile. “i love you more. now beat it, spooky.”

“hey!”

“shush. go sit down and i’ll make it up to you later.”

‘you’re bossy,” fox crossed his arms, leaning against the wood molding and watching you move towards the fridge.

“well, if you’re not gonna leave, then at least get a pan for me to heat this rice up in, would you?” you ordered, shaking the day-old fried rice container in his face.

“anything for you, darling.”

being without each other could feel impossible at times. no matter how he tried, no set routine could recreate the feeling of falling asleep beside you; nor could any amount of his laundry could conjure fox himself to send you off to work with a kiss every morning. his work made it easy to miss him. but moments like this, where he watched you make him a late-night snack that he would share with you, were the moments that made all the waiting worth it. and the moments that will come after, too- the couch that was waiting for you both to come back to, where you’d fall asleep with your face against his neck, and where he’d fall asleep watching you breathe. nobody knew that absence makes the heart grow fonder more intimately than you two did. but even with that in mind, neither of you cared about that right now.

he was simply thankful to be with you, the one he called home; thankful that he didn’t have to be without you for a second longer, and so were you.

#spooky mulder #x files #fox mulder #fox mulder x you #fox mulder x reader #fox mulder fluff #fox mulder x reader fluff #domestic fluff #domestic fox mulder #soft fox mulder #x files fanfic #Spotify

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tsukkismoonlight · 4 years ago

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Im in a mood so to break my haitus (sorta) here's some headcanons for dating/'talking' with some hq boys !!!

Kenma-dating

▪︎Not only does he send you random memes that he does the small nose breathe-laugh thing at, but he also sends you a Lets Play episode of some youtuber for you to watch

▪︎ He brings a blanket everywhere, you cannot convince me otherwise. Kenma is constantly cold, so, when you see him trudge up to you with the blanket, you know exactly what to do

▪︎and that is to take the blanket, wrap it around you and then bring him into your lap and wrap it around himself as well

▪︎Late nights are a thing with you two. But around 3am is when you have to drag him to bed, and promise him that tomorrow you can pick up with whatever game/show/etc y'all stayed up doing

▪︎sleeping in or getting up early, when you wake up, he likes to make coffee, or your favorite drink. Its quiet as neither of you are fully awake, but its always a comfortable silence

Nishinoya-talking

▪︎First of all, he acts tough but boy is he such a sweetheart. He has spent countless nights thinking ahead, planning what to say and do, this talking stage is so much more than talking

▪︎he subtlety compliments you, and tells you that you're working hard and to take it easy. He dotes on you and somehow makes it look easy to keep it on the downlow

▪︎Noya just wants to share everything with you. His favorite sport, his favorite comics and his favorite movies. He wants to bring extra snacks and tends to bring an extra waterbottle incase you need it

▪︎He sends goodnight and goodmorning texts, he will wait so impatiently by his phone for you to respond, and then he just grins happily or snickers at your response

▪︎The minute that anyone throws shade your way, or tries to pull a stunt, he is on it. Short king or not, no one gets past him, and frankly, no one really wants to try (he's got those crazy eyes lets be real)

▪︎you go to his games, you cheer the loudest and his eyes always find you easily. Afterwards, you are the first person he texts, and in the night, he'll call you, loving the way your voice sounds when you're tired

Oikawa-dating

▪︎First of all, he literally cannot get his hands off you. This poor boy just wants you. Your hand, your arm, thigh, to hold your face, everything and anything. He'll hug you, give forehead kisses, ofc only when you want them

▪︎That being said, he only ever sleeps well when you're over for the night. If you're not next to him, Oikawa tosses and turns all night (and then complains about it the next day)

▪︎Also, Oikawa is fairly vain, and so anytime you compliment him, it gets him going. He'll blush and then wave his hand as if to say, 'oh stop' but really he means the opposite

▪︎All he wants is for you to keep going, keep calling him cute, or adorable or handsome. He wants to hear you say his name or nickname, and he wants to know that you are only for him

▪︎Which leads us to the fact that he can get jealous easily. The moment another person looks at you, Oikawa flaunts the fact he's dating you. He'll grab your hand or kiss your cheek, when he wants to be painstakingly obvious about it, he just exclaims loudly that you are a couple

▪︎ And in all fairness, you probably love all of it. The hand holding, the forehead kisses, the pet names and his stares. He's so pretty, and when he's looking at you, it makes you feel the happiest and the luckiest

Asahi-talking

▪︎First off, Asahi has never dated anyone before let alone 'talk' to someone before, that being said, things can be a little unnerving for him. He's never sure what to say or when to say it, and he stumbles over his words when in person and misspells when texting

▪︎Not to mention the team is always giving conflicting advice. Tanaka says to go all out while Nishinoya says to play it cool, Suga says to be sweet and Daichi says to be yourself. But in the end Asahi ended up listening to Kiyoko the most, which was to yes be himself, but also to take his time if he needed

▪︎ Asahi makes sure to text you before school and say hello, and to remind you to bring your lunch and a water bottle. When he sees you there, he'll approach and ask if you slept okay and if he can carry any of your books

▪︎Slowly but surely he seems to get ahold of the talking stage, and even starts to get more confident. Confident enough to smoothly grab your hand and interlock his fingers with yours

▪︎Its the little things about him that you love the most, whether its the way he reacts to things or how he looks when his hair is down and his eyes aren't on you, or how his hand isn't exactly smooth but its not terribly rough or calloused, they're all the little things that make Asahi, Asahi.

Bokuto-dating

▪︎Lets get the record straight, Bokuto is the perfect example of a Golden Retriever Boy. He gets excited or everything and looooves any and all attention. When out on a date, he never lets go of your hand and never stops smiling.

▪︎Every little thing you do makes him giddy. Like playing with his hair, snuggling with him on the couch or even just telling a story to him.

▪︎He just loves you so much. Everytime he looks at you, especially when you aren't looking, he just has those eyes, the ones that are filled with dreams of the future, whatever that may hold for you both

▪︎Your favorite thing to do with him however, is when you're both cooking in the kitchen in your pjs, music playing a little to loud and neither of you can really hear the other, besides the laughter that is

▪︎Oh and dont get me started on his hugs. On your best, or your worst days, Bokuto gives The Best™️ hugs. As much as it seems, he doesnt always gives those bear hugs. Rather his hugs are soft and tender. He'll wrap his arms around you with just enough pressure, and hold you close with your head against his chest so you can hear his heart beat

Kyotani-talking

▪︎Okay so contrary to how he is with any other person in the world, Kentaro is actually a bit of a romantic but he just doesn't quite know how to show it. When he does he's a little aggressive, but not in the mean way

▪︎its a lot of "well maybe I want to hold your hand !" Or "you look amazing, okay?!" And honestly its kind of adorable when he does things like that.

▪︎He has to remind himself that you two aren't quite dating so he shouldn't come off too strong, but when you're together he just gets ahead of himself. Especially when someone else tries to butt in.

▪︎The moment someone says that technically, you're fair game since you two aren't dating, Kyotani gets defensive (and a little possessive) fast. If you're there, he'll grab your hand and pull you away, glaring at the person the whole time. If you're not there he'll just spit some nasty name at them and tell them to back off (and who's gonna tell him no?)

▪︎Another thing about him, is that he overthinks everything. He'll bring small gifts, whether its some snacks, or a stuffed animal, he figures that it'll make up for his brash personality, and that hopefully you'll stick around

▪︎which ofc you do. Not only do you know that he is so much more than his harsh exterior, but you know that you can be yourself around him, he isn't into the materialistic, as long as he knows that you're going to love him for him, thats all that he wants.

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katsukisbimbo · 4 years ago

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DDAENG

✯ pairing: hawks x reader

✯ genre: FLUFFYYDS!!

✯ summary: fan! hawks meeting his newly debuted idol crush y/n at a fansign!

✯wordcount: 2.1k+

✯warning: just swearing and hawks being thirsty <3

✯ note: this literallt came to me because i was trying to turn @hoodtoshi into a bts stan (lowkey succeeded) and i was jus like yea, thirsty hawks

-ˏ͛⑅　‧̥̥͙‧̥̥ ̥ ̮ ̥ ⊹ ‧̫‧ ⊹ ̥ ̮ ̥ ‧̥̥‧̥̥͙　⑅ˏ͛--ˏ͛⑅　‧̥̥͙‧̥̥ ̥ ̮ ̥ ⊹ ‧̫‧ ⊹ ̥ ̮ ̥ ‧̥̥‧̥̥͙　⑅ˏ͛--ˏ͛⑅　‧̥̥͙‧̥̥

- you were nervous

- this was your first fan meet after all,, but you were still nervous

- you were only 19 and had already debuted!!

- that didn’t happen to just anyone!!

- you worked super hard to get to where you are today!! everyone knew that!!

- you sighed as your make-up artist continued to paint your lips a dark red colour

- you honestly didn’t look like yourself, but this was to keep up the whole idol image i guess

- “jinhee, how many people are outside? i’m sure only two people came to see me..” you pouted, resulting in your make-up artist to smack your cheek lightly

- “dOn’t say that you dummy! i’m sure a lot of people came to see you!” she scolded, wiping off the excess makeup on a towel

- “now get out, you’re done”

- “i don’t wanna”

- she raised a newspaper and flexed, ready to beat the fuck out of you if she heard another whisper of self-deprecation from you

- “fine! i’m going!” you grumbled, pouting at oncoming soreness of your feet from your heels

- why did idols have to wear heels anyway?

- okay no, you knew why, but sTill!! they sucked!

- you smiled as you saw the buffet table

- one little snack wouldn’t hurt

- >:)

- “keigo stop fuckign puSHING”

- “im so EXCITED!! i’m meeting THE y/n you SLUTBAG!!” keigo yelled as he shook his companion

- dabi sometimes questioned why he was still friends with keigo

- “i SEE that you asshole”

- keigo took this opportunity to punch dabi in the arm, causing dabi to retaliate, causing kEigo to retaliate, causing dAb-

- okay so

- “i’ve been in love with her ever since she debuted!! and she debuted ALONE!! a whole solo artist!! the talent!! the beauty!! i’m in love!!”

- dabi raised a brow at his friend

- “didn’t you tweet about wanting to ‘put a baby inside of her’?”

- keigo felt his cheeks heat up at the possibility of you seeing his indecent tweets about you

- what if you had seen? what if you think he’s a creep? what if you already hated him??

- keigo felt his anxiety creep onto his shoulders as he continued to overthink, not realizing that they were already next to go in

- ruh roh raggy

- keigo didn’t know anything BUT anxiety

- rip keigo we’ll miss you big daddy :,(

- “please come in, please don’t shout”

- whO was shouting?? nobody was shouting

- keigo wasn’t gonna shout

- as keigo was about to shout, he felt himself be silenced by his partner

- all keigo could feel was betrayal

- “calm down you hot dog, you’re going to TALK to her in person jfc. you can tell her how much you want to father her children then”

- it was almost time and you were STILL at the food table

- you saw a small intern approach you with an uneasy look on her face

- she was for sure about to reprimand you

- “m-ms. y/n,, we have to go now!” she stuttered

- she was sO! cute you just couldn’t say no

- so you decided to just sneak a few bags of chips under your skirt before smiling and quickly following her

- you made your way to the stage, peeking behind the curtains

- you saw a huge crowd of people, mostly males, but one man who sat near the front caught your eye

- he had bright yellow eyes with matching blond hair, even wearing some eyeliner

- the unknown male looked absolutely delectable

- he made you bark a little tbh

- you took a deep breath before you were pushed by your manager on the stage, cheers suddenly reaching your ears as your fans confessed their love for you

- quit shamelessly might you add

- you blushed as you watched the cute blond-haired man cup his hands around his mouth and yell—

- “I LOVE YOU Y/N! IM YOUR NUMBER ONE FAN!” he yelled, gaining the attention of everyone in the room

- soon everyone started to yell that they were your biggest fan and that the blond man could never even compare

- but the man had nothing but a satisfied smirk plastered on his handsome face

- did he enjoy starting riots?

- you sat on the chair, placing your hands on top of the table

- this was a small table ngl

- luckily there was a sheet on the table, hiding your nervously bouncing legs

- just imagine watching a fancam of you bouncing your leg

- people would still thirst for that

- anyway

- “thank you guys for coming! i’m so excited to meet you all!” you started, smiling at the large number of people

- “you guys can ask me questions or some things? i don’t know?” you laughed, feeling slightly awkward

- you didn’t know how to be a person

- “can you do a dance for us!!” a young boy, about the age of 7 yelled, jumping up and down in front of his seat

- “what dance?” you queried, raising your brow in curiosity

- “move by taemin!!” he cheered, immediately dancing

- you laughed at his adorable actions

- you were totally gonna dance for him!

- you got up as the music started to play in the background, moving to the side of the table and sensually moving to the beat while the audience watched intently

- you carefully moved your hips, hitting all the right beats

- this wasn’t any different than dancing in front of the camera people, plus you had to get used to an audience

- it also wasn’t any different from how you had to dance to kpop songs from when you were younger for your family!!

- (no, literally. the amount of times i had to dance to 2NE1’s i am the best, girls generation’s gee, and wonder girls’ nobody. the dances are engraved in my head. 6 year old giri had to dance or else)

- as the song faded out, you held your pose before bowing, smiling at the little boy who continued to hype you up

- “holy fuck.. dabi that was hot” hawks whispered, tightening his grip around his friends sleeve

- “jeez kei, ease up a bit” dabi complained, prying his friends hand off of him

- “oh my god she’s such a great dancer, do you think she’ll like me if i learn how to dance too?” he questioned, grabbing his friend by the front of his shirt, pissing dabi off once more

- “no. not if you don’t stop being a fuckinf weirdo”

- hawks pouted

- dabi grinned

- how cruel

- “does anyone else have a request?”

- “WAP!!” a number of people yelled, resulting in your face heating up

- how would they suggest such a lewd dance!

- especially when there were children here!

- “haha! that doesn’t seem very appropriate!” you laughed it off, trying your best to mask your uncomfortableness

- hopefully this would end soon

- “no! can you dance to gashina please!” a girl yelled, catching your attention

- hm, gashina was actually a very good suggestion

- you could do this! you could be as great as sunmi!

- okay maybe no. sunmi was a god <3

- you did the routine, catching the eyes and the hearts of the audience

- “fuck i think i’m in love dabi” hawks whined, clutching his chest

- he had a lovesick expression plastered on his face

- he was totally whipped for you, no doubt about it

- before you knew it, it was time for the fans to have a minute to speak to you and for them to get their albums signed!

- you had recently debuted with your album, dawn in tokyo

- you had taken inspiration from the time where you had left your hotel at dawn and walked around the streets of tokyo, sitting near a bridge and writing lyrics for some of the songs in the album

- hence the name of the album

- most of your album was written in japan

- hawks felt himself get more excited as he came closer to you, holding tightly to the fabric of his friends jacket, which wouldn’t surely gotten him slapped if you weren’t so near

- before he knew it, he was already next in line, dabi already sitting in front of your figure while holding your soft, delicate looking hand in his large ugly ones

- this made hawks’ chest bubble with jealousy

- >:(

- sure, you had a large fan base, but it still hurt to see people touch you the way he wanted to

- it was now his turn, he walked up the stairs with his wobbly knees, wanting to just sit and be near you

- he knew that you would be able to calm his nerves, or make him spontaneously combust

- “hey! i’m y/n! nice to meet you!” you smiled, out-stretching your hand to him, offering to place your hand in his own

- he swiftly, but gently grasped your hand, before placing it on his cheek, letting you hold the soft chub of his cheek

- no fan had been this brave to do this. it was quite surprising to be honest

- he wasn’t breaking any rules so you decided to fuck it and go with it

- you placed both your hands on his cheeks, slightly squishing them together, causing him to adorably pout

- “dash not nishe” he mumbled, brows furrowing

- you laughed before letting go of his face, bringing your hands back to your side of the table

- “you’re so cute! can i sign your album for you?” you smiled, tilting your head to the side

- hawks just..dieded

- mans said peace out

- your beauty was incomprehensible

- phew, he had to get his shit together! he was trying to impress u! he wanted to be the mc in a wattpad story

- we all wanna be y/n

- anywayss

- “sure dove! u can make it out to keigo, u can put your number in it too ;)” he winked

- KDNDHSK

- DID HE—

- DID HE JUST ASK FOR YOUR NUMBER

- LIKE—

- nobody:

- y/n: i’m not gon do it girl.. i’m just thinking about it

- “ah! sorry cutie! i’m not allowed to share my number :333”

- you tried to laugh as you died inside

- he smiled, before placing a kiss on your fingertips

- “don’t worry dove,i respect that” he winked

- BARK BARK

- “i have some gifts for you!” he announced, placing the huge paper bag on top of the table

- he first pulled out your favourite snack before handing it to you

- how did he get these??

- omg

- then, he brought out a bottle of perfume, and a new song writing notebook!

- this was great!!

- “oh my gosh! keigo! you’re too sweet” you cooed,

- this was a lot

- “i also have something else.. would you wear this flower crown for me and do some fan-service?” he queried

- of course you would!

- you nodded before placing the flower crown on top of your head

- “what do you want me to say?”

- “say.. i’ll be a good dove for hawks. is that okay?” he smirked, tracing small circles into the palm of your hands

- w-wHAT

- was this legal

- your managers were literally ignoring you—

- “o-oh! sure! uhm-“

- god you were going to regret this

- “i-i’ll be a good dove for hawks!” you whimpered, showing off your practiced aegyo

- “ahhh! my heart!” he gasped, dramatically clutching his chest

- “excuse me, we need the next fan to come up” you manager tapped the both of your arms

- you nodded before smiling at hawks and waving goodbye

- you were going to miss him :((

- ig it just wasn’t meant to be

- the night you had gotten home, you decided to go through your gifts

- you were particularly interested in the gift you had gotten from the blond man

- it was really sweet of him to get you a notebook

- the moment you had opened it, you had noticed that something was written on the first page

- ‘xxx-xxx-xxxx call me pretty girl <3’

- he was a bold onealright

- you were contemplating on actually calling him

- he could leak your number!

- well, you could just wait for him to speak

- fuck it

- you dialed the number on your phone and waited as it rang

- “hello?”

- “i-is this keigo?”

- “hey dove, i’m glad you called”

- y/n: i did it :33

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ayanna-wild · 5 years ago

Text

Please Don't Say You Love Me

Word Count: 1617

Pairings: Lucifer Morningstar x Reader

Warnings: angst, fluff, sad fluff

A/N: Request from anonymous

Summary: You always left, always changed the subject or cut him off, just before he could utter those three words. The three, not so little, words that would change everything, the words you feared you might not say back.

............................................................................

People gathered around as you downed another shot. The small crowd that had begun to steadily grow cheered as you slammed the now empty glass down on the bar. You smiled victoriously, turning to your opponent, who had finished his own shot only seconds after you.

"Pay up Morningstar." You grinned.

Lucifer laughed, handing you a wad of cash. The crowd, sensing that the fun was over began to wander away, resuming whatever they had been doing before you challenged the devil himself to a drinking contest.

"Are you absolutely certain you're human darling? That amount would have knocked any normal person on their ass." Lucifer said.

You shrugged, sliding onto the stool beside him.

"You're just upset I beat you." You teased.

Although it was seldom that you got drunk, but when you did, you could drink with the best of them. It's one of the first things that had drawn Lucifer to you. It was one of the rare nights you decided to party and you had drank three grown men under the table. More accurately when they hit the ground you were still going strong.

"Well I'm sorry my dear, not all of us can unhinge our jaws like a snake. Honestly it was a little mortifying to watch you drink those." Lucifer chuckled.

You moved to give him a playful shove but missed and almost tumbled off the stool. Lucifer was quick to catch you, your face red with embarrassment as he helped you to your feet. His chest shook with laughter, which you found contagious in your intoxicated state.

"Perhaps you're a bit more inebriated than I thought, we best get you home." Lucifer said.

Your laughter faded to a lazy smile, and you nodded. You reached for your keys in your pocket, common sense seemed to have abounded you for the time being. Luckily Lucifer was there, and he quickly snatched your keys from your hand.

"Oh no, I can just see the headlines now, Local woman dies in a fiery crash, honestly love did you think I was going to let you drive yourself home." Lucifer scolded.

You shrugged, laughing a little.

"Guess not."

You pinched his cheek, making him swat your hand away as you broke down in more laughter.

"I've got the best boyfriend, but that supernatural metabolism of yours is so unfair!" Your words began to slur as Lucifer helped you walk towards the exit.

He merely chuckled, agreeing with whatever your drunken mind decided to have you blurt out. The car ride was filled with you insisting you were sober enough to get home on your own. Then following it up with an apology for him having to cut his night short. Lucifer finally pulled into your driveway.

"You are beginning to sound like a broken record, honestly darling I don't mind driving you home." Lucifer assured you.

You smiled, a little more sober than you had been earlier. You swayed only slightly as you stepped out of the Corvette.

"Wait, wait, how am I going to get my car?" You mumbled.

"I'd hardly call that rusted deathtrap a car." Lucifer muttered.

"Hey I've got a lot of memories in Bertha. Besides, I didn't hear you complaining a few days ago, when we were fogging up the windows in the back." You winked.

Lucifer raised an eyebrow, shaking his head a little.

"Please don't ruin that memory for me by referring that mutation as Bertha." Lucifer sighed.

"Oh you love those that car."

"The car no, you on the other hand yes, I lo-"

Lucifer let out a surprised noise when you suddenly leaned over the side of the car and pressed your lips against his. You pulled away just before he could start kissing back.

"Goodnight!"

By the time he came back to his senses, you were already inside your house. He sat there for a moment confused before pulling out of your driveway.

You watched the black as night car fade from your sight and you sighed. The sound of your jacket hitting the floor could be heard in the quiet house. You stumbled your way to your bedroom, falling forward onto your bed. You turned your head to the side so, you weren't smothering yourself with your pillow.

"That was almost bad."

The thing was you knew exactly what he was about to say. Knew exactly how that sentence would end, and you didn't want to hear it. You just couldn't let him say it. An almost inaudible sigh left your lips and you curled up into a ball, letting yourself drift off to sleep.

Lucifer had gotten back to Lux not to long after he left your house, however his desire to party had vanished. Instead, he went up to his penthouse, and settled into one of the tan chairs across from the couch. He placed a hand under his chin, thoughts swimming through his mind.

You had kissed him to keep him from finishing his sentence, to keep him from saying those last three words. The question on his mind though was why.

Why would you stop him?

Why was he just now noticing it wasn't the first time you had stopped those words from rolling off his tongue?

To say your head hurt when you woke the next morning would have been an understatement. It felt like there was a marching band playing in your skull, and you groaned pitifully. You almost considered just going back to sleep but immediately pushed that thought aside when you heard someone rummaging through your kitchen.

"Lucifer?" You yelled, almost instantly regretting it when your headache got worse.

"Just making you some lunch!" He called back.

Luckily his voice was muffled from being in a different room. You rolled onto your back staring at the ceiling a moment before swing your legs over the side of your bed. You almost cursed when you opened your bedroom door to be hit with a bright beam of sunlight pouring through the window in your hallway.

"Good afternoon, it's about time you got up." Lucifer smiled.

You weren't feeling particularly peppy at the moment so, you gave him a small smile that more resembled a grimace than anything. Lucifer resisted the urge to laugh at your miserable albeit funny state. He placed a bottle of water in front of you when you sat at the table, followed by a few pills. You smiled gratefully at him, taking it quickly.

"Oh I nearly forgot I made you lunch!" He announced a little too loudly.

You flinched at little, and he apologized as he stood to get you a plate. He sat it down in front of you, before retaking his seat beside you. The entire time you ate, Lucifer was silent and patient which immediately made you suspicious. Because Lucifer wasn't a silent nor patient person.

"Ok, what did you do?" You asked swallowing the food in your mouth.

He looked at you confused.

"Nothing."

You narrowed your eyes a little.

"What do you want."

"Nothing."

You set your fork down, sitting back a little, just staring at him. He was silent for a moment before finally caving in.

"Last night, why didn't you let me finish what I was saying?" He asked.

It was your turn to look confused.

"What do you mean?"

"Well cut me off, just before I tell you that I-"

"Oh right that."

Lucifer frowned at you.

"You did it again."

You forced a laugh, trying to play it off as if nothing was wrong.

"You're overthinking it Luc."

He didn't look like he believed your phony laugh nor your poor excuse.

"No, I over thought it last night, and you know what I realized my dear? You've never let me say it, you've cut me off or just changed the subject before I could ever even finish saying love. Why is that?"

Your body tensed and your eyes looked everywhere but at him.

"I... is it really that important?" You muttered.

Lucifer's frown deepened, and he began to get a little angry.

"Yes, we've been dating nearly two years, yet, you've never let me tell you that-"

You sat up, grabbing his hands to silence him. Lucifer peered into your eyes, you looked so vulnerable and so scared.

"Please don't say you love me. Please, because I might not say it back." You begged.

"Why, do you not love me?" He sounded hurt and you quickly shook your head.

"No, that not it! I do Lucifer, so very, very much, but if you say that, if you tell me that and I say it back, then this becomes something even more important to me than it is now. If it does then if I lose you, or something happens, it'll hurt so much more. And I just can't handle anymore heartache right now. I will say it to you one day because you mean the world to mean Lucifer. But for now please don't say you love me, because I can't say it back yet."

You weren't sure what response you were expecting from him. Maybe anger, or annoyance, maybe assurance. Lucifer however, simply smiled at you, and raised a hand to your face to lightly caress your cheek. He kissed your forehead.

"I understand Y/N, it's ok, I don't mind waiting to say it."

You pulled back to meet his eye, grateful tears blurred your vision and you laughed a little when he wiped your tears away. He pressed another kiss to your forehead, whispering just loud enough for you to hear.

"But although I can't say it, I want you to know that I do, very much."

..............................................................................

Tag List: @we-are-all-alittle-strange-here @adira-secrets @beththedemonhunter @shywriting @emiwrites3reads @gingernarwal @cuddly-cat-in-a-trench-coat @im-just-along-for-the-ride @lifeshortbro @sallyp-53 @officalfangirl @cptgryps @mizzezm @measure-in-pain

#luciferonnetflix #lucifer x reader #luciferonfox #lucifer morningstar #lucifer morningstar one shot #lucifer morningstar x reader #lucifer morningstar imagines #lucifer morningstar x you #lucifer morningstar imagine #lucifernetflix

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pasta-and-hedgehogs · 2 years ago

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I had a good day today. I made myself a large breakfast and I ate it it was filling and its the first time in a while that feeling full hasnt made me feel bad I was content. I tried yoga again in the morning my knees complained very audibly I felt grounded and connected to myself I tried positive affirmations again this time they didnt feel cheesy or untrue. I sat in the park just before I built up this whole thing in my head that Owen was annoyed with me but again this is just me makeing shit up in my head and believeing it because mental illness and overthinking and anxiety. I was suprisingly ok when I went in his house it felt weird because me memmories of it are seeped with vodka and regret but I think I was able to enjoy myself(me jessie and owen went to the woods) My obsession was subdued and not in full force I think I was actually able to spend time with him as a friend and not wonder if he could like me or chose to love me it was nice to live in reality with him for once does this mean Im over him not fully like I was able to release the hope from my heart and I know we are just friends or maybe we aren't fully but thats not the end of the world. However its the thoughts that are my biggest hurdle at this point like it isnt always fully intense but I am always thinking about you and its nothing in perticular its just like a vibrational frequency in my head like the vibe of you hovering in my brain constantly there craving your presence and I just cant get rid of it theres no distraction in the world that can scrub this feeling out of my head its almost torture like I'm doing my best to get over this but some version of you is buried in my brain like a parasitic worm a tumor pulsating its presence is always known. Somehow we were talking about jesus or ⛪ from my older posts and we got on to the whole me being obsessive and how I made a playlist called "I baked you cookies how could you kiss her" and then I made a joke saying oh I dont really remember how I felt I can check my tumblr posts if you really want to know and then somehow I was reading out exerpts from some posts and it was quite scary to do tbh and I felt quite exposed and vulnerable but yea I think it was fun I didnt feel like I had to play a character or fit in a role I was being me. Well Mr Owen wanted to see my tumblr and I said no for reasons that are quite obvious because he doesnt even know that I had a crush on him (to my knowledge) let alone that I am this level of insane; he made jokes about reblogging on his tumblr and he made jokes about searching tumblr for it and if it was anyone other than those two (jessie and owen)who have been written about in the tumblr honestly part of me wants to know what he would say and think like if he saw the posts about him because most of them are when im in the trying to hate my obsession to get over them but it never works.

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the-little-red-noodle · 6 years ago

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12/6/18 12:49

I want to write but i dont know what to say.

i feel so much but im not doing anything. i have feelings that i want to talk through but i cant grasp them yet.

im so tired and my eyes hurt and my heart wants to love so much more than im being given opportunity for. i have so much love to give but nowhere to put it where it will be received in the way i really want. i’ll never admit it, but i just want someone who will mirror that love. i just want to feel like im appreciated and that those efforts are seen and appreciated.

I just want to love and be loved in an enthusiastic way. And i feel like this a lot more when spencer and i are apart and i have to rely on his text voice to fill that little space in my head where i overthink about our relationship standing. That’s not to say that i never get my feelings hurt when we’re together in person, because yeah it happens, he’s a boy and he says dumb shit sometimes. But it’s so much less.

When we’re together in person, at least i can guage a little more where we stand. I can feel that he’s happy and i excite him. Sex is always good so i don’t really worry about that domain. I’m a very sexual person and i usually initiate things and will be more verbal about what i want or complimenting him and making it feel very explicit that I’m attracted to him and enjoying things, etc. so i feel like sex is coming easy to him. Like we don’t have any sexual inhibitions other than just like timing or if I’m on my period. But whenever I’m on my period, like today, i just go down on him anyway because it’s fun for both of us, and i think a little bit subconsciously it’s because i want to make sure he stays satisfied with me.. like i don’t want him to feel like he needs to go anywhere else for that kind of satisfaction because he can always get off with me and that i do things enthusiastically, which i do. I genuinely have a good time being sexual with him in any context because i do feel so attracted to him and so like.. into it.. like even on my period when i usually feel the least sexy, he comes over and makes me feel like such a queen.. like we’realways touching each other and so close and it’s always pretty high attraction energy between us which keeps me pretty enticed all the time..

it’s weird but it’s not. Cuz like i know that I’m a very sexual person. I like sex. I enjoy having sex for me, and i like the physical feeling and the connection to people. I like being intimate and i love being intimate with spencer for a lot of reasons.

I think a big part of it is his aloofness most of the time keeps me pushing for it. Like he’s so precious and beautiful and giggly and all that. Like he’s adorable and he looks at me sometimes like I’m so gorgeous.. like today he came over for like 2 hours and we just cuddled and teased each other.. the entire first hour was a standoff of who could hold out longer, which is funny because if i weren’t on my period, 100% i would lose first. But since he didn’t know i was on my period, i just ran with it and played this game with him. It’s so fun to tease each other and taunt the other person to make moves..

i just like messing with him cuz theres an innocence to him that i really like.. and part of that is that he is just objectively attractive, like conventionally but also just like to me, he is so perfect.. like his bone structure and his cute little features, and he’s tall and thin and i just think he’s crazy attractive. It’s honestly kind of annoying tho because i can’t ever keep my hands to myself. Like i just want to touch him constantly and have my arms around him..

Now i miss him..

Ugh wait i want to talk about jealousy. Because this is something i got back and forth on a lot in my head but overarching isnt an issue, because i don’t bring it up. Like i have insecurities, who doesn’t. And something i worry about is just him finding someone else that he likes better, and in reality, i feel like that would come from a friend confessing to him, and he’ll either be in love with that person or he’ll be a pushover and be with them cuz he cares about people and wants to make them happy. I worry that i won’t have as strong of a hold on him as id like to think that i do. And i mainly worry about this with his friend Ali, because they are super close and I’ve seen a couple times now where she like needs to talk to him and talks about anxiety and needing him.. so when i hear about it theres a twinge of jealousy because i imagine her like confessing that she loves him and that seeing him with another girl was too much and he should dump me amd be with her..

Yes i know i sound crazy, I’m aware. But that’s why i write this shit on tumblr so these thoughts never see the light of day. Because of course i would never bring this up to him, because expressing these insecurities does nothing but put tensions on his friendships, and i would hate if he did that with my friendships with guys, or girls (don’t bi erase me) and it would be annoying if i wanted to hang out with someone that he was jealous of because of course i would want to make sure he was super comfortable and that would probably cause me to see them less, and that’s not what i want for him because frankly i like his girl friends more than his guy friends, and theyre better influences on him anyway.

Still, theres something about this girl that makes me nervous sometimes. I think it’s just that she seems affectionate with him and expresses needing him, which seems like the way you treat a boyfriend or a guy you are affectionate with because he likes you but you’re friendzoning?

That too, i don’t know how these girls friendzone him. Like he is so gorgeous it makes me angry. He is so gorgeous, how do people look at rhis gorgeous man and go ya he’s just a friend. Like what?

Anyway, idk what to do about my feelings about ali. Part of it too is that i find her attractive, and someone i was low key crushing on last year, so now i see her super close with my partner and I’m like silently growling because i know shems attractive, and she would know what a prize spencer is, so that’s the insecurity.

The reason i don’t say anything is because i feel like at our age, theres a level of maturity and understanding. Enough to where if you are in a relationship, but develope feelings for someone else, and those feelings suddenly have an outlet and that person wants you back, you should be honest and breakup with your partner and pursue that other thing. Like ya being cheated on would suck, and getting dumped would suck, but at the end of the day, we’re all just people and romance is messy and i feel like if this girl confessed to him and he wanted to be with her, he should be. Cuz like theyre friends for a while and must know each other pretty well, and if he had strong feelings like that for someone else, who am i to hold him back?

But the point i was making is that even if this girl or any other girl expressed interest in him, that doesn’t mean he instantly sleeps with them and dumps me. Because id like to think that he and i are doing pretty well at the moment and id like to think he’s happy with me and wants to be with me.

When i get insecure about this stuff, i like to think about this thing he said a while ago. He said that he was single for 2 years, and just wasnt dating, and that when he saw me, he was like “her”.

I like to think about it in a serious way that like he’s known these females for those 2 years, and that if he wanted things to happen with them, they probably would have already happened. And i like to think that he was immediately attracted to me, and that first night when we met and kissed and he asked me about italian food because he wanted to take me on dates when we got back to school.

Those two things he said mean a lot to me and keep me relatively grounded when dumb insecurities want to carry me out and get lost in the sky.. i want to believe that he chose to be single for a while, or just didn’t hard pursue anyone for a while, but then with me he just wanted to date me or knew i was girlfriend material. And honestly that’s so fucking cute..

And i feel good about us now in that sense too when we talk about being friends. We’re both pretty adamantly like i think of you as much more than a friend and when i was jokingly like oh so you want to be just friends? And he was so sad like i mean.. if that’s what you want.. but I’m very happy with this” and just hugged me so tight..

Like i know I’ve got him, ya know? Maybe that sounds confident, but i feel like i got him.. i feel like i suit him pretty well and that I have the qualities he wants in a girlfriend. Or at least id like to think so.

So when i get insecure, i remind myself of these things and remind myself of when we were both complaining about exes who got jealous of our opposite sex friends and how annoying it is to be accused of sleeping with your platonic friends. So i know how dumb it would be to ask if he likes Ali, or if he ever has liked her in the past, because what if he has? I used to like Patrick, and he used to like me, but that doesn’t make us incapable of being just friends right now, so it would only hurt me to know that. And if he did currently like her, maybe he’ll say something. Or it’s not a big enough deal to him to mention it.

I just gotta trust him. I gotta let myself trust him and trust that we’re both adults and that he is capable of having platonic female friends, the same way i am capable of having platonic friends with anyone.

I think that’s as much as i can write for tonight. Gotta get sleep and get work done tomorrow.

Xoxo gossipgirl

#samiswriting

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ts-akhmim · 4 years ago

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Episode 3 | “It does not look good for our tribe. Honestly, we suck... Really bad. ” - Duncan

The way I absolutely flopped at that puzzle… this is why I’m a Beauty cause a sis ain’t smart to complete a puzzle and I’m not brawn-y enough to do well in a challenge hgjfdk BUT that being said, Hagthor beat the thots and apiss and I couldn’t be any happier! I do wish Brawn lost over Brain but yknow, you can’t have everything go your way (‘: it’s funny how I slayed the last challenge and flopped this one tho like a bitch really lacks consistency huh ghfjndmks

Heading into a second tribal council, there is becoming less and less room to hide. I am struggling to hold my own against the other tribes when it comes to competitions, but thank goodness it's a numbers game. If everything goes accordingly, I am taking a backseat this vote and allowing a 4-2 vote out when it comes to Trace. I appreciated Duncan coming to me with the alliance chat information with him/Scott/Trace/Isaac, but didn't like how Autumn needed to tell me first. Shows that I really can't trust Scott/Duncan after a swap comes up. In regards to Scott, he outright didn't say anything. I like him and all, but it was a slimy move to say the least. He only said something because he HAD to vote out someone in one of his two alliances. This group will be dumb as hell if they let me swap. I'll flip on them as soon as possible and invite anyone into my alliance. The tribe swap is where I made my 'Slithers' game infamous last time, so I'm hoping for a similar output. Don't forget: I swapped with the minority last time in Guyana (shout out to Jess), so I'm not worried about the numbers and how its split. ALL I NEED IS A SWAP OR TWIST. GET ME OUT OF HERE.

youtube

Wow we’re really flopping this challenge huh! I really hate this as a group challenge bc we wasted so much time believing in an algorithm that doesn’t even work!

okay so i again filmed a video confessional while walking the dog which i WILL eventually upload i promise hosts BUT. this challenge was literally torture, staring at the excel spreadsheet was so draining. TJ did so much work for it so I really really hope we win he is so sweet i was real mean to him at the start for truly no reason NNN i really really want the beauty tribe to go to to tribal, or the brains lot again i guess? i dont really wanna go to tribal even though i think Liam M is the easy vote? i'd rather not. i just feel really drained after that challenge i wish this confessional was even a little bit exciting im sorry hosts

i feel like i underappreciated dan as an ally?! the more i talk to him its like hmmm we vibe and we have similar energy? like i get very different but good energies from all of dan, jake and jordan! which i love, like i feel really good about them all. like what's reassuring about dan (and this sounds weird) is he feels fine complaining about others to me in pms? like jake does the same and that makes me feel really reassured trust wise - like i would never talk negatively about another player to someone i distrusted tbh... so i feel really good about that! i feel like particularly in a maybe swap i'll really bond with whoever i get to swap with even MORE. idk i just feel good about this brawn tribe still i don't want to GOOO.

okay so yesterday was... eventful! i watched the sequester mini with jake which was super fun and then right after... he cracked the tomb and i decided to tell jake about my idol. have i had it since day two? yes. but i told him i found it during the mini so i wouldnt seem sus. i dont regret my decision (so far at least anyway JKASD) because a) he cracked the tomb and immediately told me b) i think he is loyal and particularly since i told him i can and will idol him like i dont think he has incentive to leak my idol unless it comes down to lategame and he wants to blindside me but i don't see myself being able to hold onto the idol until that stage anyway! but yeah so jake knows about my idol so i'm hoping i can use it to my benefit, or to save him because i'm really invested in his success this season. maybe we are gonna be the two brawns at the end woo and tony style even tho i think i'm probs the woo nnnnn

Trace went home and that is yet another potential connection I could’ve had in the game GONE… like the Brains really wanna see me flop huh! It’s interesting that it was 4-2 vote tho like it has my overthinking self spiraling lowkey. I do really feel for the Brains having to lose twice though like I’ve been on a flop tribe before and morale is always low so my heart goes out to them and I hope they beat Brawn xoxo

This challenge? Literal homophobia! Like I love unscrambled eggs and I want my eggs cracked by VARIOUS men but this was not what I had in mind (‘: this challenge being my alliance + AJ is interesting as well considering that AJ was the one person I haven’t established a game connection with but I do really like him. In a way, I do think him participating in this challenge is the best thing that could’ve happened to his game since it allows him to build more connections with others? That being said, Connor on the other hand… is disappointing me in a way like the king isn’t talking much or doing much. If he has personal stuff to attend to, I completely get it and he should focus on that first but I do wanna know so I don’t assume he disappeared yknow (‘: but oh well !!!

I do think me honing in on the fact that Kendall and I are two peas in a pod in this game has her really thinking that which is awesome! I do adore that girl but I gotta keep an eye out (for Selener). She did tell me that her goals this round include the following 1) Set up an alliance with us + Austin, 2) Get AJ to be our alliance’s fake 5th, and 3) Get out Adam. While I am glad she told me all of this, I’m just very cautious of her connections? Austin and I are super close and he likes her, that’s fine. My thing is with AJ because while we were calling, I did pick up on the fact that those two have played before and whatnot so who knows. I’m just a naturally stressed person so ye !!! I do really like Adam though so I hope we don’t lose at all (‘:

I hate myself for being on a call for 9 hours in this game ghjfkdls but that being said, I do genuinely love everyone on this tribe and the thought of losing makes me super emo because I feel close to every person here in one way or another. It’s a dilemma too because us winning this challenge would be ideal but if we do win and Brawn goes to tribal, the Beauty Tribe becomes public enemy number one in a swap scenario because why wouldn’t the other tribes wanna get rid of the tribe that has the most members yknow? It’s a nail-biter regardless ;-;

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https://drive.google.com/file/d/1fpSJvDJxy38LcRI4MjwzIa64zT_tytXC/view?usp=sharing

So I'm not surprised that we lost AGAIN! Lowkey I feel like I did everything during this challenge so not only do I feel more defeated, but I'm annoyed that not too many people contributed. Like I have to constantly ask people how they're doing in the challenge, and they provide me with NOTHING!! And I'm tired of voting people out :/ Anyways, I feel like voting out Isaac is a dumb move for my game going forward, because Duncan/Autumn are clearly a duo. Duncan even said to me that he wouldn't mind voting out Devon if we needed too. If we don't swap next round and lose again, I have the feeling Duncan and Autumn are going to try and pit Devon and I against each other. I like to think they'd choose me over Devon since I don't have any connections to anyone. The smart move would be for them to utilize Isaac and blindside me, but I like to think they wouldn't be doing that anytime soon. I feel bad voting out Isaac because I know how much he hated being booted early in Malaysia. So to do that to him again is really sad to me. I would try to convince Devon to split up Autumn/Duncan, but he's all about the 4 going forward. Everyone is and as much as I love the 4, that type of game is boring. Idk maybe my style of gameplay is different than theirs. If I see that I'm in a sinking ship, I make sure to grab a life vest and swim to another boat. I don't sit on the boat and say "okay, time to drown now". Luckily none of them know me for the numerous times that I've flipped on alliances before. If we do swap next round, my plan is to remain loyal to whichever brain is on my tribe. However, this won't stop me from trying to make connections with people from other tribes and making new alliances. If I need to ditch my brains to solidify trust with my new tribe, then that is exactly what I am going to do. In the event that I do leave tomorrow, this game was fun! After being out of the tumblr survivor community for 3 years, I don't think I'd come back for a future org/season because the amount of stress i've been in this past week is more than I've endured with online learning since corona came to town. Idk I wouldn't be surprised if a #blindside came my way.

it's only day 7 and we havent even been to tribal yet and we STILL arent going because we won again, and im already going off the deep end like am i crackedt?? what the hell is happening on this tribe like am i the quiet one or is there just a collective quiet going on since we're just sliding through the game rn?? im not gonna lie it's kinda boring... it's getting weird.....the fact that there's an idol just looming around and someone has it and isnt telling me is making me crazy, and then to make me even more crazy i foolishly decided to sit out of the challenge today, i knew i probably wasnt gonna be good at anything with the letters all jumbled together, im just being real so i decide to spare my tribe and myself mostly the misery and sit out, i dont want to be perceived as weak completely and be voted off right now for it, but i do want to start to make sure people think im not that good at the challenges so i dont have a target going foward- also, im really just not good at the challenges. BUT apparently everyone was just like on a call together all day because of the challenge and obviously i couldnt be in it so :// my own fault! i didnt think it through completely and luckily we won, but if we hadnt, i mean... a day long on/off call is more than enough to bond over and pick a first boot from those not in it, but aj updated me on everything and at least according to him, my name wasnt mentioned and they were mostly working on the challenge and discussing white men, so that means i didnt miss much! im still working day by day on trying to water my relationships with everyone and make sure theyre ready to bloom into my little alliances once its had enough time to absorb all the sunshine i naturally radiate!! However.... others arent doing the same gorl.... like connor, literally messaged me out of the blue just to have a conversation and when i tried talking to him he stops messaging me right away ... like hello is it something i said?? i literally feel like parvati when she was going is it me?? am i being punkd??? also tried talking to kendall again today, i do enjoy her i will say she's growing on me but as of now she hasnt responded to me yet, which is ok since i never respond to anyone either oop hopefully its just not everyone vs. adam already in other news i guess a swap could be coming?? i really just dont want to be on a tribe with jakey because im not ready to dig up the hatchet from cvc lets keep it buried please!! unless he's completely forgotten that and wants to work with me and be my shield again but um... dont think he'd be up for that! im here to play a NEW game not my old one, in any case, no matter what happens i feel like as long as i have any of my fellow A name sisters- AJ, Augusto, or Amir with me, i could possibly be fine... i dont think Amir was really playing me anymore either like i did yesterday smh i think that was just a tangent of paranoia my mind created (maybe ..)

I feel like we have to be swapping tonight like this brains tribe has lost so many challenges in a rwo, that ifit wasnt planned i feel like the hosts have to be like "put it in sis they movin" Im gonna spendthe rest of the of today working on my relationships with the rest of my brawny boys, so no if we do swap, on matter what configurations it lands on I should have options. Still dont know jac shit about the tomb and that is bothering me but thats a problem for another day.

Well, thank god that we were able to pull that challenge out. I knew if we lost it that my ass could potentially be on the line given how large of a role I played in organizing that challenge, so it would have been sad (and hella scary) to have lost that. But I do think I've shown that I can be a valuable asset to this tribe now in the event that we somehow stay in tribes for another round. I'm anticipating a tribe swap here this next round, so I kind of just need to prepare to meet some new people and hope that I'm on a tribe with some people that I've gotten along with. Ideally, I'd have Jake with me and we'd act as if we weren't that close, but I'd be happy to see basically anyone but Liam there with me. He's a great guy, but I know he doesn't trust me, I know I don't trust him, so I really don't want that to be my only lifeline on a swap tribe.

okay so in the event we swap out of the brawn tribe tonight... which would be TRAGIC i wanted to do an in memoriam of apis 1.0! TJ - i was SO rude and wrong about him! he is genuinely so sweet and lovely, and super hard working. i think he would be a good one to swap with, it would build our bond and he is a challenge workhorse! i hope he isn't mad at me for my round one confessionals, just know tj that i was WRONG and that i was the clown! Lovelis - I get really good energy from him but we also... never talk so idk where I'm getting that from? I think he is definitely going to be a casualty of the swap, I see him definitely getting picked of? Which would be sad! idk we will see Liam M - He is really sweet, but we also talk super infrequently? I feel like he trusts me which is good?! But I think he is definitely gonna go premerge unfortunately just since he isnt super active? we will see ahh Jordan - I really like Jordan i think he is great! we are working together but something about his energy has seemed... off recently? and jake has noticed the same thing and idk what to do with that it just seems off? idk i feel like we potentially are gonna drift apart as allies which would be a shame! Dan - I really love Dan, he has such good energy which I really vibe with him? I think I kind of underestimated his potential as an ally which I really regret I like him a lot tbh.. I'd like to build that trust further for sure, he just gives off such good ally energy Jake - ahh yes have left my favourite for last. ugh i love jake his energy is the best and i trust him 100% unequivocally. he knows about my idol (may've kept it a secret for two rounds but i told him eventually which is what counts jasldfkas) i want him to succeed in this game so badly, im really hopeful for him to SNAP also quickly about the brain tribal, i just hope isaac/autumn/duncan are safe. those are my only preseason connections and would kinda love to see any/all of them in a swap situation tbh i think i want that devon slithers man gone he seems sneaky (is it just because slithers sounds like a snake yes)

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It’s been way too quiet around here so I’ve accepted that Duncan/Autumn/Devon/Isaac are all voting me out tonight. Devon keeps talking to me about the swap and really emphasizing about it, so I get sketch vibes from that. Plus that Duncan/Autumn duo is very strong so it makes sense for them to want to vote me out. Plus apparently Isaac is writing my name down tonight so... it’s been fun! I enjoyed my 7 days that I spent here and can’t wait for the perjury trip with Trace and Bodhi 🥳🥳🥳

Lowkey kinda bummed we won this challenge. Which probably raises a few death flags but whatever. I would have liked to put our alliance to the test before a swap :/. It also would have been neat to have the fucking idiot who voted with Trace as a spare vote, now they are definitely going to get fucked. Luckily the challenge provided some new optunity for alliances. For starters we can make a natural extra alliance with AJ without drawing conclusions to a mysterious third faction. Even though Connor did jack shit... I'm not bitter just... disappointed. :/

PERIODTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT, WE WON HOES! Like I am incredibly shook that we won because I was ready to jump off of a ledge hgfjkdl so yay for that! The Brains lost and I really do feel for them but Brawn winning makes our numbers equal and the Brawns are more threatening overall so that should mean that Brains would want to work with us in a swap scenario yknow? I’m just shook I’m on the winning tribe ghjfdks

Now that we won, I SHOULD be chilling right? Well, I hate myself so I’m not doing that one bit. I am deathly afraid of a swap next round because the makings of a swap are all there (a flop tribe that needs a swap to save them, us being at 18 people is perfect for 3 tribes of 3, etc). I’m scared I will get swap fucked in some capacity so I’m just aaaa. That being said, I do want to make sure I leave on amazing terms with everyone before we swap in case I am separated from anyone or I join some of these legends on a new tribe.

honestly, our tribe has been pretty much on a high. our most recent challenge seemed like something tailored for us to lose, and while i was nervous for a second, we were able to best the brains tribe and send them to tribal for the THIRD time. (i really thought they'd have that one in the bag!) i feel sorry for those nerds, they just can't catch a break :( but seriously, the challenge itself really opened doors of opportunity for me in the game i feel. me/kendall/amir/augusto were on call from 11AM est to the time challenge results went up.. and it was an experience. we all got along pretty well and put our braincells together to get through that challenge, but their company was what made it worthwhile! connor was also participating in the challenge, but he didn't really do anything. although i know he's been pretty busy lately so i'm not too bent about it and completely understand, just wish he said a little more in the chat other than the two messages he did! i think what i'm preparing for right now is the swap. i really wanna cement solid relationships and allegiances with the people on my tribe as we anticipate going into bigger tribes as of next round or the round after. i wouldn't mind just staying on this tribe, though. our dynamic is great, the people are great, and we're even better in competition. there's really not much of a loss there if you ask me!

So in the past 24 hours I've worked my ass off to try to get Autumn and Devon to vote with me against Scott and/or Duncan and I'm not getting my hopes up. Like everything they've given me has been so vague and I've tried to go the extra mile to try to get Autumn and Devon to trust me. I think I'm going home tonight and if I do that's tragic but not exactly a #blindside. It might be my curtain call but I hope I at least made them doubt each other.

Also #FuckThoth, Jess rigged me out

Me waiting for tribal to happen: https://66.media.tumblr.com/c327b3a59ef66f9835241d079c1fbe39/tumblr_n20f10EtZH1rkuhmio2_400.gif

Me if I make it out alive tonight: https://media1.tenor.com/images/664df9da1de6fb8913ff67b2ca8234e0/tenor.gif?itemid=16269462

Me if I get voted out tonight: https://media.giphy.com/media/aUW1R5qccvQ3K/giphy.gif

I HATE IT HERE I WANNA GO HOME!!! I feel like the underpaid babysitter that the parents forgot about cause these boys are triiippppinng. I’m selling the vote so well to Isaac I actually wanted to vote Scott with him and I was going to but my damn alliance has him secondguessing and now everyone is all misty eyed about being split while Isaac is panicking so the solution is a CALL. Even though we call EVERYDAY so there ain’t shit to talk about??? Isaac has been blowing my pm’s up all day so no sir, no farewell calls. My emotional energy has been spent for the day lying for 6 hours straight thank you very much. Scuncan and Devon need to cut the melodrama out cause we have a whole game left?? So we will see each other again??? And if we don’t, we don’t. Also we could not get swapped tonight??? So simmer down. The Lord NEEDS to take me cause I can’t do it. Everyone needs their hand held and their feelings coddled and I’m tired. Less kumbayah, more playing Survivor

So we won again! I felt terrible in our challenge chat because I really couldn't get my head around the patterns and shit everyone else was doing, honestly hope they don't see general weakness in me because of it.. I'm good at like, everything else, but I dunno, this season's just not been looking favourably on me yet. After the flag incident and then that challenge, I feel like I probably am in the most danger, and I still don't know what to do about it except spam everyone all the time in hopes they feel some social tie to me... I hate it here I rly do. Hopefully we'll start to get more comps I can excel in because so far it's been flop after flop and I rly hate to see it.

Not AJ telling me that I am the person he is closest to on this tribe… I’m crying ugh, I feel so bad for wanting him to leave first like I didn’t get to know him well until recently but I really do like him… why was I blessed with these iconic people on my tribe? Game aside, I do like them all and want them to slay in life <3

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I'm so screwed if I don't win this immunity challenge. I know I'm a weak link, so if I don't win this, hopefully *dan* doesn't either cause I might have to target him to save my skin. This is where I'm really gonna have to be social over the next day, cause my ass is quite literally on the line right now. I'm not getting 18th-16th, screw this.

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Okay I’m gonna say it, I love my alliance so much.I will not play with my heart and I’ll kill them if I have to but I really really really don’t want to, I obvi love my alliance with Augusto, Kendall, and Connor so much, but i will not play with my heart and ill backstab them if i have to but i really really dont want to. I would also like if adam austin and aj were safe. I really really like adam a lot. he is a fking sweetheart, and hes so funny. Austin is also great and super genuine and kind. i feel bad for calling him boring earlier, and aj is just funny and cool in general. the best case is we never have to go to tribal and i get to keep my inbred nocturnal intoxicated-at-all-times tribe members here. I am gonna need as many of these people in the game as possible for the swap and for the merge, and if we end up do having to go to tribal, I will do everything in my power to keep the tribe from getting divided, because we're gonna need each other to take down the brawn tribe.

I want to be tight with every single one of the beauties because a swap is likely coming and I need them, and the biggest issue rn I see moving foreward is if brawn and brain align, so we must snatch the brains first. every one keeps talking about being stumped about the tomb and I just keep lying DKNDKDNDD but I am lowkey scared they know I’m lying

#BackWithVengeance

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