#these stories are fun but the humans will probably go nuts eventually

[botslayer]

"Clearly," Oprin rolled his eyes, the vertical pillar of three glancing off to the right.

"The atmosphere of your planet is mostly methane and chlorine, dude. Shut up." Tony shot back, pointing at him.

"... What does that mean?"

"It means you're constantly breathing things that would kill my people dead. I have to wear an oxygen mask on this ship for a damn reason," the human snarled. He'd had conversations like this a few times already. "I can think of fruits on your planet that have what my people consider neurotoxins in them. Why do I know about those? Because my people gave me an information pamphlet before I set foot on this god-forsaken cruiser!" He shouted.

Oprin backed away as his human transfer of ten weeks raved and raved. "Mr. Vargas. Please just calm down, I'm sorry--"

"Like hell you are!" The human shouted again, stomping indignantly. The entire engine room was staring as he tore the chief engineer, a creature one and a half times his height and size at large, a new waste hole. "How would you assholes feel if I just kept acting like you were the weird ones!? That guy's planet has an atmosphere made mostly of Neon!" He said, pointing to Creblah, who's facial tentacles flared in surprise at being dragged into it. "Isn't that cooky? Isn't that weird!? Does anyone else here breathe NEON!?"

"Anthony Vargas, you're relieved of duty until further notice!" Oprin finally found the footing to say.

"Fine by me!" He yelled for the last time before walking away in a huff, mumbling indistinguishably about where to "cram" or "blow" certain things and reference to people being equivalent to overly large genitalia among other things.

An apology, Oprin believed, was in order. He would happily wait for one.

“Let me get this straight about you Earthlings. You cannot drink water from the most abundant source on your planet because it is 3% salt, yet you can easily process various poisons like capsaicin, caffeine, and menthol, with no harm and even some benefits?” “The human body is weird, man.”

[thankssteveditko]

An overly-simplified introduction to the "Marvel Method"

As I begin to cover Amazing Spider-Man, it's probably worth explaining the basics of this up front for anyone who isn't aware. Over on Thanks Ken Penders, I talk about comics generally made the "traditional" way. A writer writes a detailed script, and then it's handed off to the art team to draw what the script says, with perhaps a bit of interpretive wiggle room. That's what you'd expect, right? But back in the '60s, Marvel developed their own creative method that came to be known as... well, the Marvel Method.

It varied from team to team, but the steps of the Marvel Method (or the "plot script" method) are basically this:

The "writer" comes up with a basic synopsis of the story - not a full script

The "penciller" takes that synopsis and draws up the full story, determining the specifics of what actually happens

Finally, the art is handed back to the writer, who comes up with the dialogue based on what the artist has decided to draw

The argument for this process is that a comic artist should be a strong storyteller as well, and that the artist may know how to break the action down panel-by-panel better than a writer would. In reality, the actual explanation is that Stan Lee was working on way too many comics at once in the '60s, and so he offloaded some of the burden of storytelling to artists Jack Kirby and Steve Ditko because... well, they were Jack Kirby and Steve Ditko.

It should probably not be surprising that the Marvel Method created a lot of problems.

For one, before long, Kirby and Ditko were basically just plotting whatever they wanted for Fantastic Four and Spider-Man, then letting Stan fill in the dialogue... but Stan was still getting full credit as writer, making it seem like the stories were all his doing. (He would eventually start giving them credit for plotting.) Even when Stan did give them plots like he was supposed to, sometimes they'd go do something wildly different anyway. Stan intended to make the Green Goblin an ancient Egyptian demon found in a sarcophagus by a film crew, but Steve basically went "I'm not fucking doing that" and made him a human villain instead. Can you imagine a comic artist going completely rogue like that in this day and age? It's nuts! (But also, Ditko made the right call there.)

Because Stan had the final say when it came to dialogue, this also meant he could directly contradict the intent of the artists. Hilariously, I've found anecdotes about Stan both watering down Ditko's later attempts at giving Peter increasingly Objectivist views and also removing references to the ideology from a Kirby story seemingly intended to make fun of Objectivism. But while these examples are funny when juxtaposed like that, on the whole it's easy to understand how frustrating it is to have Stan Lee swooping in at the last second and completely changing the meaning of your story, then taking the credit for writing it.

Is it any wonder that Kirby and Ditko both felt they weren't being given their proper due at Marvel and left for other companies? Is it any wonder that the Marvel Method isn't used much in the modern age? But, basically, this method and this history of improper crediting are why it's difficult to determine exactly who did what for a lot of these early Spider-Man comics.

[atomra]

oh~ ! We can ask about Neuro too? Nice! My question is! How much do you love Neuro and what made you like him so much! Go nuts! Gush as much as you want!

Oh. Um well... a lot. To say it simply. LMAOOOO!!!! But Ill answer the specific question first before I ramble on and on.

I got into majin tantei nougami neuro from the anime first, fell in love with the macabre, psychological horror aspect and needed more! I started to read the manga and noticed how different it was from the show, and how bad the show was in comparison. The dark humour is hilarious, I love the looney tunes style vs the dark subjects of the plot. And the ending of the manga is one of the most satisfying ends of a story I have ever seen in media!

I didn't actually get that attached to Neuro right away, but he grew on me like a cancer and now hes stuck there forever. I also love the main MC Yako! She's an absolute delight of a character and matches with Neuro perfectly. I need more of their weird sadomaso relationship <333 (I love most of the characters actually)

Ultimately I fell in love with this work because it's incredibly unique. I haven't read anything that comes close to the balance Matsui was able to make of the crazy, silly, dark, and story of personal growth that comes out of MTNN!

Okay now under the cut I will ramble about Neuro Nougami in particular because it will probably be long:

-

Neuro Nougami I didn't actually like as much before, because back when i first read mtnn i didnt know i was into bdsm and stuff. I also wasnt that okay with his tortures, because I used to be uncomfortable with liking villian-ish characters before I went to uni and learned more about the world.

Oh, how that changed.

On the face of his character he is silly, OP, selfish, arrogant, and a fucking asshole that hurts people for fun. And even when you get into his character, he is still all of those things, BUT I like him particularly for a few key features.

His curiosity and willingness to fail at something new. Neuro has basically no shame + all the confidence in the universe. He doesn't see anything wrong with failing or looking stupid. Its very endearing. You don't see that... if ever in other overconfident/intelligent sided characters. His pride never gets in the way of learning, because he loves to learn!! He's a bird!! Birds love to learn and often look like idiots doing it. (I love birds)

His want to find use in people, even if he only sees them as pawns. Don't get me wrong, he is an asshole and is MEAN on PURPOSE, but he does like to see the best in people. He wants them to be better and pushes people to become better. Neuro also puts respect in people that show this growth. Just like how he HATES when people give up.

His trust in people despite his need for control. Seriously, like this man is controlling as hell, but he still can put trust in people to do certain jobs for him and deliver.

And his way of learning where people's lines are despite his need to torture, harm, and push information out of people. Neuro never truly puts Yako in real harm (debatable) and he eventually learns where her loyalties lie and how to adjust to them. He learns to be good with people even though he has no understanding of human emotion. (so he says, he still feels emotions he just doesnt GET it)

THAT HE'S STILL SILLY AND NEVER BREAKS HIS COMPOSURE!! I LOVE THAT HE NEVER YELLS OR GETS SUPER MAD IN THE WAY YOU WOULD EXPECT A PERSON WITH OP POWERS TO GET!!! It makes him... so fucking scary. You never see where his limits are. You never see how much power he really has. You never get to see how far he will go to hurt somebody that wronged him. You only get tastes and its so fucking effective. I wish more characters were like this. Make me wonder!!

And of course, I love neuro for his weird use of bdsm. Its clear in Matsui's other work that he's done research, despite how comical and looney tunes it is displayed in MTNN by neuro. But my second read of MTNN when i was older now, I realized just HOW MUCH of neuro and yako's relationship is just... an odd bdsm thing. LMAO!!!

And I didn't realize how much that really engraved into my brain when i was younger until i read it over again. It made so much sense. For all the previous facts I mentioned, neuro is the only anime character who's threats I can actually take seriously. Because he is genuinely scary to me. That 'discomfort' as a kid made me realize stuff nowadays. Whoops!!! I love him because he freaks me out!!

Alucard gets so close, but not as hard hitting as Neuro. And I also like that he has a level of morality, and isnt just all fucking evil or gross. He's just a weird demon who eats mysteries.

Sighs, anyways I could go on but Ill leave it there for now. Thanks for asking!!! I love him!!!!!!!!!!!! He's so fun to dissect as a character!

Oh, and I hate his fucking suit. Burn that shit off. He's a weird goth and everybody knows it.

[otakween]

Digimon World 3 - 17 Hours in

Now that I'm like 1/3 of the way into this game, I thought I'd give an update on how it's going. I try to play 1-2 hours a day almost everyday, but it can get grindy so progress is slow n' steady. So far, this is the most normal and recommendable Digimon game yet! No insane mechanics to drive me nuts and the environments/music/other aesthetic stuff is vastly improved over Digimon World 2. See my miscellaneous musings below.

Notes:

This game is actually really fun and satisfying!! Unlike Digimon World 1 & 2 your progress isn't torn to shreds every few minutes by some bogus digivolving mechanic! You don't have to constantly start from scratch raising your diigmon. THANK GOD. Well...I guess you would have to start from scratch if you go beyond the 3 starter partners, but I'm just ignoring that part of the game for now. I'm pretty sure it's optional.

Speaking of optional, there's a lot of stuff I'm ignoring in-game right now. I haven't bothered to get a fishing rod and I'm barely doing any card battling. For some reason people would challenge me to card battles at the beginning of the game and then they just randomly stopped? Fine by me, I got other stuff to do.

The tree kicking stuff is kind of a pain in the butt, so I tried it a few times and then said "meh, this is slowing me down." I'm thinking, if the game lets me, I'll save the card stuff til the end so I can focus on one thing at a time.

The one thing about this game that is kinda bullshit is the amount of time you spend crossing the massive map, but I can tell that quick travel is gonna be a thing eventually, so I don't really mind. It's also makes it feel like the grinding battles are built-in to your travels, so that's sort of nice.

Digivolution works weird. Like, digimon digivolve into things you wouldn't expect them to. My Renamon went from Kyubimon to Stingmon to XV-Mon. Meanwhile my Patamon went from Angemon to Digitamamon, so like sometimes they get ultimate forms in their roster and sometimes they get multiple champions? Also, the digivolved digimon keeps the child digimon's name which is kinda dumb (ex. XV-Mon will be on screen but the HP bar says "Renamon.") Also, also, the digivolutions level up separately from the base digimon which is pretty confusing. I'm not sure which level number to care about!

I like that they kept recruiting other digimon very simple. You need to fight optional bosses to do it. I don't have to worry about "catching them all" this way.

Cities and dungeons are all very distinct with their own vibes (UNLIKE ANOTHER GAME I KNOW). The digimon look awesome whether in pixel or 3D form. The battle animations are fun and it's especially satisfying to see your digimon evade attacks.

Definitely glad I have walkthroughs and maps via the internet to guide me because otherwise I probably wouldn't know what to do half the time. The published guide is also scanned and on Archive.org, so that's a plus.

As usual, the plot is kinda weak, but at least I understand what's going on! When I reflect on it though, I don't think there's a single human character I'm particularly invested in. I guess it's more an adventure driven game than a story/character driven one. That's fine.

I think the game's a good level of challenging. I'm currently stuck at the Byakko City leader battle which is the first time I've really gotten stuck thus far. I don't feel frustrated though because I think I know just the combo of level grinding, training and item hoarding that will get me where I need to be.

[vitrious-simulacrum]

Deus Volt!

Release date: circa 2008 (original), 2022 (completed)

Based on: Marathon Infinity

**TRANSMISSION START**

Deus Volt! is a small (7 levels + 1 secret level) fan scenario by Synchronicity13 on simplici7y.com/Penultimatum on Discord, comparable to more bite-sized scenarios like Kill Them All! and Return To Marathon, but with sensitivities of more modern level design.

Taking place in the industral centre Ckuidt'kqe, of the Vylae homeworld, the SO is sent down there after the Pfhor have taken it and use it as an epicenter for their operations against humanity. However, Blake and his men decide to mount a counter-offense, only to be shot down and stuck with more sneaky tactics on land. Now, the Officer is going to lend a hand to this operation and learn what exactly the Pfhor are doing here.

Our Lord Debussy

To start with something, I must say that DV is a pretty scenario—it does a wonderful job using the standard MI textures to create subterranean caves, vibrant towers, mining operations and vagrant spaceships throughout its levels. There's also a great sense of build up throughout the scenario as you are taken deeper and deeper into Pfhor-controlled territory, leading to the centerpiece and probably my favorite levels in the scenario, Have Fun At War/Aren't We All Running?: a complete and total assault of the center Pfhor command on the taken Vylae citadel.

Two Minutes To Midnight

Over anything, Deus Volt focuses most in its combat, which unlike some of the more explorative or story-focused scenarios, wants you to be as aggressive as possible, deliberately pacing shield rechargers and pattern buffers such that it's better to run forward, shotgun wasting soldiers and Enforcers through a hallway to get to the next save, not scared of using precious ammo as it's most likely you'll find a munitions stash teleporting in.

If I had to put up a weak point for DV, it would be both its story and sometimes the ambiguity of some level goals (one of which is related to the secret level): while starting with Blake as your command, Durandal soon appears as you take upon the Pfhor command, eventually discovering that the teleporter in a closeby mine links to a Jjaro dreadnought with something great in its mainframe, something great enough that both Pfhor and human ships are beginning to appear.

Atom Heart Mother

Once you intrude deep into the mainframe and reactivate it, Durandal is quickly overwhelmed at whatever was awoken and cutoff entirely, revealing that the thing inside is... Leela. For fans, this might suggest this dreadnaught is actually the vessel where her remains were loaded that is mentioned on the M2 endscreen, one which was sold to the Vylae.

Reactivated, Leela decides to take you from Durandal to parts unknown... and that's that. While plot in shorter scenarios like this aren't really the focus, it does leave me wanting more. Perhaps that's a good thing, if you think about it, if there ever is a sequel to Deus Vult. Time shall tell. Oh, as for the other negative: some levels, especially those larger and a bit more sprawling, can be a bit vague on what you're supposed to do. My biggest one during my play was Two Minutes To Midnight, where I found myself stuck for a good couple of minutes because a door was textured in such a way that it didn't seem like a door.

But, beyond those two issues, Deus Volt is an excellent scenario for an afternoon or two. Short, with a wallop for combat nuts and sights for those with a slower pace.

**TRANSMISSION FINISHED** <Further Access Denied>

[whisperportedly]

more gender plural stuff this goes under a split tho

so im Tangle and im in a system of about four right? (we share this acct) “assigned gender at birth” is kind of a ridiculous concept to apply to each of us as headmates because, you know, there wasn’t a doctor there!! no one checked between my legs when i minecraft spawned in!!

but i also didnt even feel like i got to have a body, at all, until a couple months ago. (ive been here like a year lol) we had “headcanons” about the “character” tangle, who we wrote stories about (including smut and non-explicit gendery stories)… but even tho those were obvioisly About My Feelings, or at least feelings i wanted to play with in stories, they werent me, you know? uhhhh until mid-june. soooo im still very new to this lol

anyway in the way we usually envision my body, im… well, not afab, see “that’s not how plural gender works for us!!” above, but… mostly fem-aligned? i mean this drawing is just me. not thr only me thats ever been or ever will be, but definitely a me. if you want to figure out whats between my legs then go read my smut

however we do each and together inhabit a body which was, literally, assigned male at birth… unsurprisingly this is a bit weird for me. not MORE weird than the body being human or not having a very long tail, but yeah its weird

mostly though its to do with our way back experiences

you know how “passing” ostensibly means everyone unflinchingly sees and indeed guesses that you are a cisgender [gender of choice]? totally nuts standard and rather evil concept obviously, but lets take that sorta extreme version for discussions sake

we never passed as an ordinary cis male

a memory i feel really really connected to: when i was seven or eight years old at the very most, an elderly neighbor (a couple…) seemed to be confused whether i was a boy or a girl. it turns out they weren’t really confused at all - they knew, or at least guessed, that i was a boy… but they were making fun of my long hair and my not so boyish face. thats probably about how our mom explained it to me, anyway

eventually we started coming out as trans to not-so-immediate family, and a visiting aunt - in response almost immediately - commented on how we never really looked that masculine anyway, i mean, look at those totally natural curves! starting hrt is really just the cherry on top, huh!

so basically those aspects of our body that we didn’t exercise any control over, at least not in an intentionally gendered way, just kinda… got taken, you know? used to objectify us? in ways that were good-willed or at the least playful, and for the most part they felt good, but… something was still kind of dying

nowadays it’s not really clear if we “pass” as “female”, but we most certainly do pass as some flavor of feminine-aligned, and those both obviously queerly In The Know and um, less so, batch us into “she” and “ladies” and “girls”… and yeah a lot of that is purposeful expressio!!… but, you know, the 5+ years of hrt boobs don’t hurt

the long hair and “not so boyish face”, neither

SOOOO it turns out ummmmm

i most certainly am here figuring these feelings out, feelings that have sorta become my own (or maybe always were…) - while still occupying basically that body, that flavor of body, that got us those experiences in the first place l o l

anyway theres been a coming and going, but not really FLEETING, feeling of like, “Uhh is there such a thing as being transmasc even if your body is amab???” that i guess has also connected with me this entire time lol. “I know I know! What would that even mean, right!?! Except um, I think I maybe know what it means, um, um, even though I can’t explain it…”

i think a big moment for me was hearing about afab femme lesbians who have a very… sort of indescribably, essentially different experience of feminity than what straight women (for lack of a better comparison) are basically given… like, femmes end up owning their femininity in a really special and important way

it didnt exactly click at once but thats basically how i feel with masculinity. EVEN THOUGH im… you know… “feminine-aligned” most of the time and in a lot of different ways. (in some of those ways… just, constantly). i guess i should probably learn from butches’ experiences but that description of femmes by a femme, really spoke to me

i really like certain parts of feminine expression and, you know, the way people receive that expression…!! but - its just - im kind of sick of calling it that. calling it “feminine”. it isnt feminine any more than my dubiously flat ass is androgynous bro… its just… hear me out… ME

and guess what? way deep down on the spooky, scary, kind of cuddly inside… i mostly feel masculine

top 10 things confused transfemmes say amirite (/completely dry sarcasm. this delivery of a sharp point is the only “joke”.)

so, you know

maybe the ways i express myself. maybe the ways i occasionally really actually like my body - the inside one and the outside one, together. maybe those… are masculine

lemur food for lemur thought

im just

THINKING ABOUT LONG HAIR TANGLE OK

[mongeese]

Music in Wolf 359

Hey so uhh I meant this to be a relatively short informal analysis post but then it accidentally turned in a 1150 word essay. Whoops! Anyway, it’s about the role music plays in Wolf 359, both on a practical level outside the story and a narrative/thematic level inside the story. I wrote this all in one go with minimal proofreading, so I sincerely hope it’s understandable and that my points are good. As always, feedback is welcome so long as you’re nice about it!

Here it is, under the read more because it’s long as hell:

One of my favorite things about Wolf 359 is the way it talks about and uses music. Like, the fact that the aliens are trying to contact humanity just because they want to learn how to make music is one of my all-time favorite reveals in the podcast because it’s just so profound! And it gives me a lot to try and unpack (which I am going to try and do right now).

Obviously, there is a practical element to the significance of music in the narrative. It is an audio-only medium, after all, and music provides a welcome break to all the dialogue and drama. Eiffel even references its ability to act as a way to ease the tension in Mission Mishaps: A Little Night Music, though that was almost definitely not an intentional wink to a more meta reason for the music. I’m just making a fun little reference to an episode I remember. Anyways, more to the point: music is really the only art form that can feasibly be introduced in a podcast. Theater is maybe an exception? However, I think putting a play into an audio drama would get a bit complicated on a storytelling level. Though if someone could pull that off, it’d probably be very cool, like some Hamlet vibes. But that’s irrelevant, so I digress. The point is, the medium was probably a strong motivator for the intense significance given to music.

Aside from the medium itself, the premise also lends itself to music being the connecting thread throughout the story. Now, I don’t know which idea came first: Doug Eiffel being the communications officer probing deep space, or the fact that the aliens want humans to teach them music. Regardless, those two facts are intrinsically linked. Given Eiffel’s role on the station, there is not really any other subtle way for the aliens to try and get his attention. All he can do is listen; he can’t receive any visible messages over the vacuum of space, not without a cable television to view them on, and if the aliens just spoke to him to slow burn of the plot and the eventual reveal would be ruined. Music is the best way for them to reach out in a way that fits neatly in the narrative they’re trying to build.

Now, let’s move away from external factors, shall we? I want to dive into the significance within the text. Obviously, music is significant to different characters in different ways. Minkowski is a total musical theater nut (the absolute queen), to the point of pursuing it over and over again even when she fails continually. Her devotion to music mirrors her devotion and stubbornness in all other aspects of her life, in addition to adding unexpected depth and nuance to her character. Regarding Eiffel, I think it’s safe to assume that he loves pop music the same way he loves pop culture. Plus, it’s given as one of the first and only ways he bonds with his daughter, as written in the episode Limbo:

“Doug was seeing little baby Anne pretty much every other day, talking to her every day, teaching her to play the Jaws theme on her little dinky kid xylophone, all the good stuff.”

It’s notable also, that Doug’s worst action, the thing that permanently put a wedge between him and his daughter, ended up making her go deaf. Even if she’s still able to appreciate music on some level, because deaf people can do that, it will still be a fundamentally different experience for her and Doug. I’ve posted about this once before, and I fully believe they made the decision to have Anne go deaf as opposed to some other disability because of the significance of audio and speaking and music to Doug’s life. It emphasizes how extreme what happened was, how thoroughly that mistake drove his family away from him (for good reason, I might add, I’m not trying to excuse him). I could write a whole other essay on Doug and his daughter though, so for now I’ll move on.

To be perfectly honest, it’s been a long time since I’ve listened to the podcast, and I don’t entirely remember what the rest of the characters say about what music means to them. If anyone who has a more encyclopedic knowledge of the characters and podcast wants to chime in here, I’d be fascinated to hear what sort of concrete examples there are of music being significant other than the ones I’ve mentioned. I’m pretty sure Hera is interested in music the same way she is interested in books and other forms of human art, and I have a vague memory of Lovelace mentioning a song that was important to her in one of the episodes, but the details escape me. Suffice it to say, the characters do interact with music in ways that are distinct and which reveal aspects of their character. Just goes to show that even without the whole “alien” thing, music is an important part of almost all of the major cast members’ lives.

And of course, I can’t write a Wolf 359 meta without linking it back to the anticapitalist theme of the whole story. It is so, so profound that out of all the amazing tech of Goddard Futuristics, all they are prepared to offer the immensely powerful extraterrestrial group, the one thing the aliens want is… music. Classical music, even, something that is widely considered unprofitable and frivolous as a career path, something that has little market value in a soulless capitalist world. As it turns out, that music is the most important and revolutionary thing humanity has to offer. And there’s added depth, because it’s not just that the aliens want to learn our music; our music quite literally saves Earth as a whole! Bob the alien says, that for species they decide not to bring into the fold of their alliance, they often have to destroy all members of that species. Humanity certainly would have met that fate, if not for our talent in music. I don’t know about you guys, but that drives me insane!! The fact that quite literally, humanity’s saving grace is our music? It’s such a poetic and remarkable theme to have, and one that I think is very applicable to real life. Humans have been making music for at least 40,000 years, probably more. It’s a fundamental urge, I think, to create music, whether through singing, drumming, playing instruments, whatever. Plus human’s aren’t even the only species that makes music, so you could reasonably extend Wolf 359’s statement to say that Earth’s saving grace and its most beautiful feature is its music. My favorite flavor, though, comes when you intertwine music’s importance with the anticapitalist ideas of the podcast. Because music is not inherently profitable or conventionally innovative (i.e. not innovative according to tech bros) and yet it is our most important invention. That is just such an amazing message to me, and it really, really resonates.

[obsidianstrawberrymilk]

Rose Weasley Headcanons

1) She. Is. A. Ravenclaw. The hat did not even consider another house. 2) Her mother was fine with it. At least it meant her daughter had braincells. Ron was disappointed but got over it. It was very much overshadowed by the shitshow that was Albus’s sorting anyway. 3) She’s got both her parents tempers, Hermione’s ability with scathing words, and Ron’s ability to hit hard in all the wrong places - so when she’s angry she can be very, very cruel. It’s why she tries to keep herself quiet so much - so she doesn’t hurt everyone around her. 4) The result: Ron and Hermione get mad. Rose gets mad. They all scream at each other. Hugo hides in the corner and cries. No one pays attention. 5) Ron’s used to his anger keeping him alive and can’t stop it; Hermione never got the chance to fully process her trauma; Rose was the oldest and hit with both their trauma full force. None of them are very understanding towards each other afterwards. 6) Because of their dad’s shared jobs, she grew up with Fred and Roxanne as siblings. She’s closer to them than to her own brother. 7) She and Hugo do grow closer eventually, after they both graduate and get some much-needed therapy. 8) She’s very much an introvert and only likes being around specific people, so she didn’t grow up close to any of her other cousins. She eventually becomes friends with Albus and Scorpius though. 9) She’s actually a lot more like Ron than Hermione - she likes certain things and puts a lot of effort into them, tends to procrastinate a lot, and is an excellent strategist. 10) She’s great and both Quidditch and Wizard’s Chess, and she and Ron often play together. 11) She’s a Keeper for the Ravenclaw Quidditch Team and absolutely nuts about the sport. Her favorite team changes based on whoever’s probably going to win next. 12) She hates being wrong in front of people. Being wrong in experiments? Totally different story. 13) Everyone thinks her favorite uncle is Bill, because she loves ancient runes and curses and 14) Wants to be a cursebreaker when she grows older. She’s excellent at it as well, and as various other types of languages. 15) Nope, it’s Charlie. Bill is too sociable and can be a bit condescending because of her age, but Charlie is also antisocial and just likes talking about dragons. They just sort of talk at each other a lot, and Charlie, despite not knowing much about ancient runes, still asks actually intelligent questions about stuff and takes her seriously. 16) She’s very well aware all the adults around her are falling apart and do not know how to function, like her older cousin Fred. Unlike him, she has no desire to try and hold them together. 17) People think she’s condescending and mean but she’s actually just kind of socially oblivious and genuinely doesn’t notice when her bluntness is unwarranted. 18) She did care when Albus was sorted into Slytherin, but only to make fun of him because of how everyone kept insisting he was going to be the ideal Gryffindor. 19) Holds grudges forever. Like you can steal a single slice of cake from her and she’ll remember it when she’s on her deathbed. 20) Her mother, Hermione, is half Afro-Guyanese and half Tanzanian, and so she speaks both Guyanese Creole and Swahili as well as English and all the other magical languages she knows. 21) She feels closer to her muggle grandparents than Magical ones and was devastated when her grandfather died. It was one of the few times she can remember when she felt close to her mother. 22) She’s quieter about it, but very much into social justice, like Hermione. Unlike Hermione, she does her research into things before jumping in and trying to fix things and observes interactions. 23) She does not do this with humans. She does not know how to interact with humans. There’s a reason she has no friends until like her third year. 24) In her first year at Hogwarts she was bullied pretty badly by her roommates and never told anyone. They eventually got bored and stopped around the start of third year, but it continued for almost two years. 25) She developed a lot of trust issues and self esteem issues as a result and became kind of cynical about people to try and protect herself from that. 26) On the bight side, when Hugo was bullied, she figured it out fast and kicked their asses. 27) Like Fred, she’s only competitive when she actually cares about stuff. Unlike Fred, she also gets distracted very quickly, so she can go from hyperfocusing on an Ancient Runes test to beat someone to experimenting with spells at the drop of a hat. 28) She’s Molly’s least favorite grandchild lol. 29) Her Encanto quote? “Push and I push through- What else can I do?” What can I say, she’s very curious. 30) Her wand is Pine Wood, 12 inches, flexible, with a phoenix feather core.

[martynsimp69]

helloooo, the spopera has me in a choke hold, so would you mind sharing your favourite detail of the story or world or overall *waves hand vaguely* AU thingamybob :D

(fully take this as an invitation to go nuts, i love rants)

HELLO TUMBLR USER VICTORIANTREECAT i am so sorry it took me over a month to reply to this it is because i am forgetful </3 pls know that we love and cherish your asks every time they come in 

i’ve had doc on the brain recently so!! Doc Thoughts 4 You. these are a bit rough and all over the place forgive me ashdkfhdjdhs

if you ask the folks at a certain lonely, backwater interplanetary hub, they’ll say the fellow who docks his solo ship and buys out the spare parts shop roughly once a year must be a recluse; some kooky old bastard who lives alone in the voids of deep space. probably has a self-sustaining mothership anchored to some asteroid out there, with how little he visits — it’s not like there’s any habitable planets nearby. only the real regulars can claim to have seen him, and the stories vary wildly: 8ft tall, no, 13ft! face and teeth made of metal, and a prosthetic eye that he can pop out and set off like a drone to fly around the hub, observing passerby with a piercing red glow. horns that can ram through the reinforced walls of a ship. a voice like the distant rumble of a burning star. massive, deadly claws and the stench of dirt and explosives, rocket fuel and redstone.

if you somehow ask the people he used to know before, they’d tell you he was insane. crazy ideas about hyperloop drives and shadow teleportation tech and mind control. a mad doctor, eventually run off into a self-imposed exile with a modified freighter ship. the last time anyone saw him, he was setting off to ransack a former human mining colony — deeply illegal, mind you. the species humans bring with them into their colonies are almost always highly invasive, and the mining site was set to be eradicated for having too many foreign livestock remaining on the hollowed-out planet. most assume that was the end for him: wiped out with the rest of the life on the old colony, in some mad, ill-fated quest to grab some illegal flora or fauna for whatever esoteric purposes. 

if you ask doc himself, sitting on the porch of a scrap-metal shack on the purportedly-uninhabitable dwarf planet Hr-MT-77, he will tell you quite proudly that he is a goat farmer.

you politely don’t mention the modified pitchfork that can channel lightning from stormy skies, or the massive, towering array of antennas and satellite dishes that scramble all navigational signals that come anywhere near this sector of space. you don’t mention the acres of lush green farmland on a dwarf planet that’s never managed to sustain life on its own. there’s a baby goat chewing on your pant leg, wearing a little goat-shirt clumsily sewn together out of what seems to be the singed remains of a lab coat. later, doc quite casually tells the story of how he challenged a living planet and won and lost his arm for it afterwards, and you find that you wholeheartedly believe him.  

———

now it’s time for the fun fact round:

doc’s prosthetic eye is VERY high tech. it allows him to see in more colors than the average knallan, who see mostly in varying shades of green. it also functions, as mentioned above, as a drone (basically like his freecam in minecraft), where he can detach it and send it buzzing around and take in a live video feed from it, audio included! while it’s out and about doc is unable to hear or see anything going on around his body, unaware of much other than physical touch.

doc's current situation is that he lives alone on a fuck-off mudball of a dwarf planet that barely exists on any official documentation. he's the only person there, as of now, and only a few people know about it. he can send and receive normal signals through his scrambling array, so he can pick up on interplanetary radio/tv broadcasts if he feels like it.

i don’t remember how much of general knallan (doc’s species) physiology we’ve shared with the public already but i’ll go over it again just in case. knallans are Big, furry dudes with six limbs — two powerful rear legs, two upper arms, and then a set of limbs in the middle that can function as arms or legs depending on need/mood/etc. when quad, doc is about ~8ft tall, and when standing up on his hind legs he’s roughly ~10ft tall. 

knallans, as a very last-resort defense mechanism, have natural pockets of explosive glands that can be activated at will to create concentrated explosions in specific parts of their bodies. it’s rough, but survivable. altho given that they live in a setting with sci-fi tech and FTL travel, the need to employ this has gone down drastically so most modern knallans never have to. 

knallan fur is oddly plant-like and very suited to camouflage in their environments, which they can adapt to slowly over time. during the rainy season on Hr-MT-77, doc’s coat gets dark and lush, while during the dry season it pales and grows coarser. sick knallans even look a bit like they’re “wilting.”

still doc-themed but to the left i just think it’s SO important for u to know that baby knallans move kinda like this. just imagine a fluffy, three-foot long, six-limbed green weasel with nubby little horns and a stumpy little puff of tail and big clumsy paws and oversized, floppy goat ears that they haven’t quite grown into yet. that’s a baby knallan. (also according to @echotunes the word for a baby knallan would be “knällchen” which is just DELIGHTFUL to me)

anyways yes thank u so much I Care Him he loves being big and scary and intimidating and then throwing people off by playing silly about it like what?? me? the guy who did crimes against the laws of physics and basic engineering concepts?? whaaat no i’m just a simple goat farmer lol (he is clearly not a simple goat farmer you are not fooled and he knows you are not fooled and he’s grinning ear to ear about it)

[gffa]

I know you mentioned this in one of your posts, but I also wanted to add something in regards to all those "hot takes" about Qui-Gon being Anakin's master instead.

You know what would be cool? If Saesee Tiin or Plo Koon were Anakin's master, instead. You know, Saesee Tiin, who is "regarded as one of the Order's best starfighter pilots" according to Wookiepedia. And Plo Koon, who (also according to Wookiepedia) is "one of the best pilots in the Jedi Order".

Yes, it is true that I do not like Qui-Gon for Reasons. But even setting those Reasons aside...

*shoves Plo Koon and Saesee Tiin in front of me and gestures to them furiously.*

I mean, I might be reaching here, but I think the 9-year-old who wants to be a pilot might find it very cool to learn from a very good pilot?

I love Obi-Wan, and it's basically canon that Obi-Wan was better with starships than Qui-Gon since Obi-Wan was the one to try and repair the ship, so he probably knows a lot despite his later dislike for piloting, and acting and costume design and the technology of the time probably played a not-insignificant role in the protagonists are Human...

But if someone wanted to explore Anakin having a different Jedi Master, I just think it would be much more interesting to put either of them in the role, compared to Qui-Gon Jinn.

I'm personally generally not really into "another master trained Anakin" scenarios because I think a very important theme in Star Wars is that Anakin's choices had to be Anakin's choices, that choice is at the very heart of Star Wars and implying that Anakin was nothing but a reactive agent rather than having any agency of his own would lessen the story. I take GL's words about how Anakin would have been fine if he'd been found as a Jedi earlier as the solution to be a pretty significant factor in that it's not on the Jedi for why Anakin turned to the dark side, but that because of his circumstances shaping him into the person he became, he couldn't let go of things, so he eventually fell. That it wouldn't matter if it was a different Jedi, that Anakin didn't want to let go of things. Further, while we don't see much of Anakin's training days (aside from the JQ novels, which were written before the prequels movies had finished coming up--some of the JQ ones even before AOTC!, which makes me take their worldbuilding with some serious grains of salt), TCW shows us that the Jedi seem to train their younglings in a more community-based style. There is some importance placed on lineage--AOTC and some of the supplementary material makes a point of Dooku's connection with Obi-Wan through Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan is an important part of Anakin's life still after his Knighting, we see Kit and Nahdar still working together, etc.--but even more than that, we see that Ahsoka is taught by pretty much every Jedi of significance that we know. So, I think Anakin already would have been having other masters stop by, would have had Saesee Tiin taking him out for piloting instructions, would have been learning from Cin Drallig in his lightsaber classes, would have been learning from Mace in dueling classes, would have been put under Plo's watchful eye sometimes when Obi-Wan had other missions, etc. Like, I do think that one of the troubles with Anakin and Obi-Wan is that they may not have sought other Jedi's help as much as they should have (but didn't turn it away all together--we see Bant and Mace stepping in to help them when they've been bickering a lot in the Choose Your Destiny book or you could argue that Anakin working really well with Mace in TCW shows that he's had plenty of experience in working with other Jedi besides Obi-Wan during his apprenticeship) but that ultimately Anakin's choices had to be about who he was as a person, rather than about who trained him. So, ultimately my point isn't, "Boo, no interesting speculation, no fun allowed!" (I feel like I'm being kind of a wet blanket at you, SORRY 😂) and more, "Feel free to go nuts with that stuff in canon-compliant fic and scenarios, because there's some strong evidence to support that it already happened!" And if you guys really loved me you'd write me a fic where Anakin goes to bug the caretaker for the Room of a Thousand Fountains and asking eight hundred questions about how the fountains work, where does the water go/come from, show me the diagrams, whoa, that's so wizard, you're growing plants in hydroponic bays to transfer them into the Kashyyyk corner of the gardens, hey, would it work better if you did it like this, and just Anakin being amazing at mechanics but also OMG PLANTS EVERYWHERE HE LOVES IT.

[wonderlustlucas]

jack pot ; part 1 - hwang hyunjin

⇢ prompt You know it’s bad when you’re high as a kite and he’s still on your mind. ⇢ pairing hwang hyunjin x female reader, seo changbin x female reader for like 2 minutes ⇢ word count 7.5k ⇢ genre fluff, angst (not heavy, just in a slow burn kind of way), slight smut ⇢ warnings drug use!!! & lots of it (marijuana), grinding, implied smut ⇢ summary College is a matter of working hard and playing hard. It’s an opportunity to start fresh, to grow as an individual and to blossom with those you befriend. People come and people go, leaving their mark on your life and showing you all the parts of becoming an adult. Some, however, do more than leave their mark. Some take just as much as they give. Things become complicated once they take the entirety of your love because you outright offered it to them.—college!au ; stoner!au ; friends to lovers!au ⇢ a/n yo!!! disclaimer: this initially was going to just be a long one shot but i decided to split it up into 3 parts, so just to let u all know part 1 & 2 does not have a ton of hyunjin interaction, they’re more character/plot building. part 3 is when things will get spicy ♥︎ i hope u enjoy! if u rb make sure to let me know what u thought in the tags mwah also i finally switched from ___ to yn are u guys proud of me :)

prelude.

Sometimes you really, truly, honestly think you could go right ahead and kill Han Jisung.

You say it all the time. Sometimes it’s a simple, “I will literally kill you,” or when you are feeling extra spicy, “Sleep with one eye open tonight.” He, of course, laughs it off like you aren’t vibrating with the urge to kick his kneecaps in. You seriously have lost count of all the times he has brought you to the brink of insanity.

And honestly, you have watched enough murder documentaries on Netflix that you probably could do it, but, you know, spending the rest of your life in prison does not sound that appealing. Plus, there’s the ever-troubling detail that Han Jisung is the closest thing you have to a best friend. So, it sort of goes against your basic human morals to backstab—literally—the most important human in your life.

But he really makes you crazy. Why you agreed to share an apartment with him in the first place is a mystery, but the fact that you leased it again for junior year is what really makes you lose sleep at night. Because, while he may be your best friend, Jisung is the epitome of a little shit. If such a compound word was in the dictionary, it simply would say ‘Han Jisung.’ Somehow, though, it makes you love him even more. Maybe it’s true that ‘opposites attract,’ or, perhaps, maybe it’s because no matter how much embarrassment and general self-loathing he may have caused you in the past, it has benefitted you in the end.

For example, his constant teasing about your lack of friends eventually led to you befriending a group of girls you always admired from afar. His snarky comments concerning your nonexistent social life finally got to you and now you can proudly wear the title of one of the best beer pong players in your class. His presence in general has taught you to stand up for yourself and what you believe in, whether it’s against him, your parents, a toxic friend, hell, even a professor. Proving people wrong, especially Jisung, is your favorite pastime.

Sometimes, though, it’s not that easy.

There’s one area in your life where you have accepted defeat. One area in your life where Jisung has his most fun. One area, or, perhaps one person, where you simply cannot step beyond your comfort zone.

Hwang Hyunjin is your Achilles tendon and Jisung is the arrow. There are times, along with all the times you’ve considered strangling Jisung in his sleep, where you have sat and actually prayed to the gods to send someone else. Someone not nearly as perfect as Hyunjin and someone not nearly as unattainable. Alas, these prayers, hook-ups, Tinder dates, anything to get him off your mind has proved futile; because here you are three years later, stuck with this stupid, absolutely infuriating crush on the only boy who has ever owned your heart because you outright gave it to him.

one.

You are beginning to think the two bubbly junior girls who led the campus tour you attended last year lied about the dining hall.

Correction: they one hundred percent lied.

Because even though the newly renovated food court looks nice—unscratched linoleum floors, shiny marble countertops and all sorts of seating to choose from—there must be something fishy going on with the cooks. Literally. Just last week, an upperclassman had a breakdown when she forked into her tuna (why anyone would want college seafood is another story) to find a worm right there in the middle of it. You have found little shards of glass in the yogurt and bugs even at You-Cook, but that’s all a part of the college experience, right?

“Are you sure there’s no spiders or anything? Did you check?” Beside you, Maddie watches with furrowed brows as you spoon a hefty serving of scrambled eggs onto your plate. Chuckling, you move down to grab a few sausages and a chocolate chip muffin before they are gone for the rest of the day; Lord knows, you are only a month in and carbohydrates have quickly become your emotional support, just like everyone else. “Yes, I checked,” you assure her, hiding a laugh with your hand as she leans over to further scrutinize the eggs, “I didn’t see any arachnids.”

“Good,” she hums, satisfied with your answer, “can you grab a banana muffin for me? They’re usually at the bottom.”

Nodding, you turn back to the blessed muffin basket, pushing away blueberry, corn, double chocolate, all because Maddie has to be different and go for the macadamia nut banana.

“Are those the dinosaur socks they were selling on move-in day?” In front of you, someone asks, and your first instinct is to look down at your feet just to confirm. 8:30 calculus simply turns your brain to mush and remembering how you dressed for the day is near impossible. “Yes!” Laughing, you lift your leg to get a closer look at the cute green t-rexes on skates. “I was sold once I heard they were a dollar.”

Tearing your gaze away from said socks, you look up and suddenly feel as if you have bumped into an angel. Maybe there were spiders in the eggs, deadly poisonous spiders that crawled up the spoon while you weren’t paying attention and bit your hand and now you are dead and this is the angel leading you to the heavens. That, or this simply is the most beautiful human you have ever seen up close and your brain does not know how to process it. Well, maybe that’s a little extreme, but you definitely have never been so starstruck in your life.

The boy in front of you says something but you don’t hear it, senses and thoughts momentarily Off™ as you gawk at him. Aside from the deep undereye bags you all have claimed the past few weeks, this stranger is as close to perfect as you can get. Sure, Seungmin and his roommates are pretty cute—but what the fuck?

Something tells you that you have been silently staring at him, wide-eyed and mouth hanging open for far too long when his brows raise in a mix of confusion and expectation. Shit. What did he say? Synapses suddenly shooting like fireworks in your brain, you desperately try to remember his reply but instead, all you had focused on was the plumpness of his lips as he spoke and not the words themselves.

Clearing your throat, you blink once, twice, hoping you were hallucinating the whole time and the boy in front of you is not Hercules incarnate.

Lucky for you or him, you can’t tell, but he is still as attractive as he was two seconds ago. “Sorry, what?” You blurt, loud, too loud, flinching at the sound of your own voice. Instead of recognizing that you are totally off your rocker, he smiles, a soft, toothy smile that has your muscles turning to goo.

“I said I bought them, too,” cutest-boy-in-the-universe repeats, looking down and you follow his gaze, “my roommates were making fun of me, so I’m glad I finally found someone who bought them.” Alas, as he tugs at the fabric of his jeans to slightly lift the cuff you see that he, too, wears the same socks. You think you’re in love.

“Well, your roommates clearly have no taste,” you deadpan, shakily meeting his eyes once he looks back up. He laughs softly, eyes scrunching at the action and you positively swoon until silence settles over you and he takes the opportunity to regard you, gaze sweeping down your frame and up again. You hold your breath because, 1) holy shit, you would get on your knees for him right now and 2) you suddenly wish you were wearing more than the ‘just-woke-up-to-get-pegged-by-calc’ fit.

“I’m Hyunjin,” he finally says and you release all the air trapped in your lungs. “YN,” you return, grasping his outreached hand and thanking the heavens it is as sweaty as yours. “Well, it was nice to meet you, YN,” Hyunjin proceeds, releasing your hand and offering a gentle smile.

“You too, Mr. Sock Man,” you grin, rocking on your heels and realizing with a pang of disappointment that your breakfast has probably gone cold. Well, that’s okay, because right now you are totally content standing here in the middle of the dining hall, silently staring at this Hyunjin with a stupid smile plastered on your face. And the best part? He apparently is just fine doing that, too.

“YN!” Somewhere behind you, Maddie calls your name and it thrusts you head-first back into reality. “Did you find a banana muffin? I can’t find— oh. Who’s this?” Appearing beside you, visibly shocked having found you in a staring contest with a very tall, very cute boy. “Oh, uh,” you huff out a laugh, scrambling to get yourself together, “Hyunjin, this is Maddie, my roommate. Maddie, this is Hyunjin. We have the same socks.”

Brows shooting up at the puzzling introduction, Maddie bites back a laugh and looks back and forth between you and Hyunjin. “Well, you don’t hear that every day,” smiling to hide her confusion, she offers him a small wave with her hand full of muffin packs, “nice to meet you.”

Hyunjin smiles in return, gaze quickly returning to you. “I’ll be off, then. Gotta get the waffles while they’re still warm. I’ll see you around.”

And before you know it, he’s off toward the other end of the breakfast counter.

“Um, what the fuck?” Maddie whispers excitedly as you make your way toward your usual table, elbow repeatedly jabbing into your side. “I have no idea what just happened. I think I’m dreaming,” you sigh blissfully, relieved to find that Jisung and Seungmin were able to claim your favorite booth. “No, definitely not dreaming. He’s totally into you. You have to hang out.”

“What?” You sputter, nearly tripping over your own two feet. Then, lowering your voice as you near the two boys, “I – no, he isn’t. How can you tell? That was like, the cutest guy I’ve ever talked to, and you think he’s into me?”

“Who’s the cutest guy ever?” Jisung pipes up, eyes lighting up and you curse him and his fucking bat hearing.

“No one,” you grumble, smiling softly at Seungmin when he gets up so you don’t have to sit on the end, leaving Maddie to sit next to the other one. “Is it me?” Jisung grins with a flutter of his eyelashes. He’s convinced the only reason you dislike him is because you’ve actually fallen in love with him, but that’s far from the truth. You don’t even dislike him—he’s just one of the first guys you’ve met who meets your sarcasm with as much ferocity, and that is a hard pill to swallow.

“In your dreams, Han,” you sneer, gracing him with a dramatic eye roll before tearing open the bag of your muffin. Comfortable conversation quickly falls into place as you eat, complaints about your classes, Seungmin trying to convince you to join them at the first party they will be attending while Jisung mocks you for wanting to stay home, Maddie asking where Felix is and Seungmin explaining that he got so high last night he ended up staying up past four playing Overwatch and is currently sleeping past all his classes.

Then, in the midst of guzzling your apple juice, Jisung leans out of his seat to call down the aisle. “Hwang! Come pull a chair over!”

Curiosity peaked, you wipe your mouth with the back of your hand and crane your neck to see over Seungmin’s fat head for who this ‘Hwang’ could be until, like the universe is really trying to kill you, the Hyunjin you met not even ten minutes ago has reached your table. “Hey,” he grins brightly, dabbing up the two boys before he glances to you, mouth promptly falling open. Certain you mirror the same expression, you struggle to find your words as Jisung and Seungmin look between you in shared confusion. “First we share socks, now it’s these dumpheads?”

Ignoring the way they scowl, Hyunjin giggles shamelessly and grabs a chair from an adjacent table to sit at the head of your booth. “It would seem that way.”

“Woah, woah, woah. Slow down. You guys know each other?” Jisung scoffs in disbelief, pointedly looking at you as if you’ve gone and disproved everything he pegged of you. “We just met,” Hyunjin replies with a shy smile, sparing you a quick glance before cutting into his waffle. Jisung looks to you and you offer an affirmative nod.

“And how are you guys friends?” Maddie asks, sensing your panic. “He’s Changbin and Minho’s roommate,” Seungmin answers.

You choke on a mouthful of juice.

“Christ, you good?” Seungmin snickers, offering a few slaps to your back. With a muffled yes, you look to Hyunjin with pleading eyes. “Please don’t tell them I said they have no taste.”

He laughs, arching a brow at you. “No way. They’ll get a kick out of that.”

“Oh, Christ,” faking a cry, you bury your face into your palms, “so much for making friends.”

“It’s okay, YN,” Jisung soothes with faux sympathy, “no one wants to be your friend anyway.”

Scoffing, the table quickly falls silent when you look up with rage in your eyes. “I bet when someone asks your parents about you, they change the subject,” you spit, shooting daggers at him before stabbing your fork into an innocent chunk of egg. To your utmost surprise but total delight, the other three burst into a fit of laughter, leaving you smirking smugly and Jisung sulking.

“Anyway,” Maddie promptly changes the subject back to her chemistry professor who has started every class playing Britney Spears. Tucked away in your corner finishing the last of your sausage and stifling the urge to get up for more, it isn’t until Hyunjin begins to speak do you realize that you have been quietly watching him the entire time. You would blame the soft morning sunshine shining through the windows and illuminating the right side of his face for making him look so ethereal, but you know that isn’t the case; from short, messy black hair, silver hoop earrings, thick, defined brows, the soft curves of his nose and the pouty fullness of his lips, you are totally, completely mesmerized.

And then, the sole of a sneaker is slammed right into your shin. “OW!” You yelp, loud, and for a moment you forget the pain in favor of the embarrassment that comes with the number of heads that turn to look at you. “Sorry. Bit my tongue,” you lie, earning an unconvinced look from Maddie. “Go on,” you nod toward Hyunjin to continue whatever he was saying before directing a furious glare to Jisung, who fails to hide his triumphant smirk as he enthusiastically types on his phone.

Just as you have bent down to rub at your throbbing leg, your phone vibrates twice against the table.

han jisung [now] stop staring, ur lucky hwang is as dense as a rock or he would have left a long time ago bc of you

han jisung [now] so THAT’S the ‘cutest guy ever’ huh? so ur straight after all

Squeezing your hands into fists, you prepare to fire back a reply that will have him crying. But he has different plans.

“Oh, Hyunjin, did YN tell you she’s a dancer, too?” He exaggerates your previous mention of dancing and has the audacity to wink at you. Thanks, Mr. Match Maker.

“Really?” Hyunjin gasps excitedly, eyes lighting up and totally missing the flabbergasted what? that sputters from your lips.

“I – well, no,” you hiss, scowling at Jisung, “I used to do ballet when I was younger but that’s it. Why, though? Do you dance?”

“He’s here on a scholarship,” Seungmin explains, “and minors in creative writing.”

“Oh,” you squeak, glancing to Hyunjin who is all but smiling like a cherub, completely oblivious, “that’s amazing. You must have a crazy schedule.” Chewing the last of his waffle, he hums in agreement. “Yeah, it gets really stressful at times. But it’s worth it,” Hyunjin chuckles. Then fucking winks.

Unable to hold his gaze, you whip your head back around in a panic and reach for the mere sip left of your juice. “Speaking of crazy schedules,” he hums, slapping both Jisung and Seungmin on the shoulders, “I must head out. This was fun. I may start crashing the party more now.” Rising from his seat, Hyunjin swings his bag over a shoulder and grins brightly. Realizing it would be rude to not say goodbye, you force yourself to look back to him and offer a feeble wave.

“And YN, don’t bite your tongue when you eat, yeah?”

You’re going to pass out.

two.

Felix likes to think of you as his corrupted child when it comes to smoking weed.

A few weeks before you would all be returning home for winter break, he came knocking on your door with a proposition. “No one wants to smoke with me. Do you want to?”

This, for sure, was not what you were expecting on a cold Tuesday night in December. Despite the general curiosity and always wanting to ‘try it’ simply to feel like a teenager breaking the rules, you told him you never smoked before. “I know,” he said with a smile, “that’s why I’m asking.”

So, you agreed. Reaching for your hand, Felix snuck you out the window and led you halfway across campus to the junior parking lot, giving you ample opportunities to back out when he felt how badly you were shaking. “Whose car is this?” You laughed in disbelief when he unlocked a beaten-up Nissan near the outskirts of the lot.

“Kim Woojin. The junior?” He replied once you settled in the passenger seat next to him. “Oh.” You blinked, confused. “He lets you smoke in his car?”

“He gets me weed, too,” Felix giggled, reaching into the pockets of his sweatshirt and coming out with two tightly wrapped blunts, each about two inches long, “I’ll turn the heat on a little so we don’t freeze but we have to keep the windows open. I’m not going to have you hotbox for your first time.” You had no idea what that meant, but you agreed nonetheless.

With a brief lesson on what to do that truly made no sense until you tried it for yourself, Felix lit the blunt, took a few small hits to get it started, and then passed it to you. Holding it gingerly between your thumb and index finger, you brought the unlit end to your lips and sucked as he instructed ‘like a straw,’ breathing it into your lungs and ignoring the faint taste of smoke. Unsure of when to stop, it wasn’t until your throat felt as if it was on fire did you realize just how much you had inhaled.

“Shit,” you wheezed, coughing and choking and watching with wide eyes at the amount of cloudy white smoke that left your mouth and nostrils. Passing it back to Felix, you scrambled for the cold water bottle he brought along, downing half of it in one go to soothe the burn. “Good?” He asked, blowing out the window and turning back to you with eyes full of concern.

“Yeah,” you huffed, “give me a few, though.”

Humming in agreement, Felix connected his phone to the car’s Bluetooth and began playing what he calls his ‘getting high playlist,’ and before long, you fell in love with the feeling.

When break was over, you were dying to try it again. Felix was more than happy to be of service.

For all of March, it turned into a daily thing.

Now, you try to smoke only once a week for the sake of not dying, or something.

australian felix kjellberg❤️ [now] come hang at 201?

When the text notification pops up in the corner of your laptop screen amid your YouTube binge, your bones jitter with a mix of dread and excitement.

Dread, because that’s Hyunjin’s room. Excitement, because that’s Hyunjin’s room.

Maddie must hear your sigh. “What’s wrong?” She asks from her cozied position in bed, hand deep in a bag of popcorn.

“It’s Felix,” you start, “but he said to go to Hyunjin’s room.”

She blinks, unfazed. “And? I don’t see the problem here.”

“Well, I don’t know,” you count on your fingers, “first, I don’t know how to act around Hyunjin sober. Second, I don’t know how to act around Hyunjin high. Third, I am very touchy when high. Fourth, Hyunjin is always touchy.”

Maddie scoffs. “That’s a pretty lame argument, YN,” she laughs, “isn’t that what you want to happen?”

“Well,” she’s got a point, “yes, but it still makes me nervous. He makes me nervous.” Closing your laptop, you shimmy out of bed and debate changing out of your cotton shorts and tee shirt. Nah. You’ll probably end up going back to Felix’s and sleeping there. You put a sports bra and deodorant on and call it a day.

Maddie finds this hilarious. “You know what should make you nervous? The fact that you’re usually the only girl getting high with, what? Six guys? You know they all want to fuck you.”

“I try not to think about that, actually,” cringing, you try to erase Felix’s voice when he’s high as a kite or Changbin’s arms from your mind, “and you don’t know that. Sometimes Ryujin and Lia are there. Or, you know, you could always come. You don’t have to smoke, just come hang out. I know you want to give Minho a fat smooch.”

Her nose wrinkles in disgust. “I love you, and I appreciate the invite, but I don’t feel like babysitting a bunch of stoners, even if Minho is there.”

Laughing, all you can offer her is a shrug. “I don’t blame you,” grabbing your phone, wallet, and charger, you make your way over to her and bend over to press a goodnight kiss to her forehead, “if you need me, don’t. I’ll probably be dead.”

“Oh Lord,” Maddie cackles, watching you struggle to open the window, “don’t die. I don’t know what I’ll do.”

“I’ll try,” you grin, military saluting once you’ve managed to flop over the ledge. With one last wave, you close the window behind you and thank admissions for giving you a room on the first floor.

[9:34 PM] YN: omw now, gather your forces to help me in :)

Nights in 201 are always interesting. First, their room is on the second floor, so climbing through the window is an experience. Things would be a hell of a lot easier if you could just walk in and out of residence halls as you please, but with the officer at the front desk documenting who comes in and who goes out, there would be a knock at the door at midnight asking you to leave. Second: as Maddie said, 201 means the whole squad is showing up. And when the whole squad shows up, you’re bound to feel a mix of anxiety and desire deep within your bones no matter how hard set you are on Mr. Hwang. And third: you know you’re in for one fucked up night.

[9:42 PM] YN: hereee

Standing awkwardly behind their building, you try and calm the nerves that always come when you know you will be with Hyunjin. Considering how close the two of you have become over the past few months, one would think you would have gotten a grip on those pesky feelings.

Yet again, it’s kind of hard to do that when he looks and acts like that all the time.

When the window slides open, you are expecting Changbin to hang halfway out for you to grab on to with the rest of them holding onto his legs. Instead, a tall, metal ladder of sorts is pushed out until it lands with a thud! at your feet, granting you a perfect staircase into the room.

Well, you certainly don’t see that every day.

Blinking in confusion, you do not know whether to focus on the crowd of boys waving at you from above or this abomination of a stepstool that was practically thrown out a window for you. Accepting the chain of events as just another fever dream of an experience in 201, you shake your head and begin to ascend on shaky legs, graciously taking Jisung’s hand and clinging to both him and Seungmin as they help you into the room. “Thanks,” you huff, giving them both a hug in return to their chivalry. And they dare say it’s dead!

Behind you, Changbin and Hyunjin lift the ladder-stepstool mutation back into the room and it isn’t until they have folded it into a more compact piece and set it against the wall do you speak up.

“Did you… buy a ladder?”

“Yes!” Minho bellows, thrilled by your successful entrance. “Isn’t it great?” After pulling back from a hug, he keeps his hands on your shoulders just to shake you like a bobble-head.

“Yes,” you grunt once he’s released you, head swimming, “a lot easier than hauling both me and Changbin through the window, right?” Looking to said boy, you can’t help but melt into his side when he pulls you close. “No worries,” Changbin beams, rubbing your arm, “at least we have some funny memories now.” When he moves to flop onto his bed, you realize with a shudder that you are alone with Hyunjin.

Well, technically not alone since they are all right there, but alone in the sense that they are not paying attention to you nor him.

“Hey, YN. I missed you,” he singsongs, engulfing you in one of his monster bear hugs. Disregarding the heart palpitations they may cause, Hyunjin’s hugs are truly the best and you wish you would initiate them more if it didn’t seem like such a big deal in that smooth brain of yours. “I missed you, too,” you mutter into his chest, squeezing your arms around him as if to engrave this feeling into your mind forever. “We saw each other, like, five hours ago,” he reminds you, finally pulling back and taking your will to live with him. God, he has no idea.

“And? You’re the only one here who doesn’t make me suicidal,” you lie because, in reality, he actually does. Just in a different way. “Aw,” he coos, large hand squeezing your side and you think you could orgasm on command, “good thing we have tonight, then, yeah?”

“Yeah,” you squeak, finally remembering to breathe when he steps away to sit beside Seungmin on his bed. Suddenly, you are feeling incredibly grateful no one is next to Changbin because, well, 1) he is closer to Felix and 2), you need a distraction.

“Hello, Felix,” you greet the boy sunk deep in a bean bag chair, busy grinding leaves and packing them into the bowl of a bong. “How are you this fine evening, YN?” He asks once you have settled beside Changbin, brows knitting together when the older boy drapes his arm around your waist.

“Good. Tired, though. How ‘bout you?”

“You didn’t have to come if you’re tired! We all know you work your ass off, no one’s gonna judge if you chose to stay home and sleep,” Felix expresses, giving you a look that screams ‘mom.’

“No! I’m not that tired,” you assure him, reaching for his hand and squeezing for extra effect, “you know I wouldn’t miss this. You’ve made me a pothead.”

With a proud smile, he returns to his designated job and begins working on the second, smaller bong. “So,” stretching to set your things on the desk beside Changbin’s bed, you turn to him with a knowing smile, “how’s the album coming?”

“Great!” He beams, eyes lighting up at the topic. “Jisung is a great addition. Did I tell you we started meeting with someone else, too?”

“No, who?”

“He’s a sophomore, Bang Chan?” Somewhere behind you, Felix passes a bong to Jisung for the first hit. “Bang Chan? Holy shit, Binnie,” repeatedly punching his arm to express your excitement, “that’s amazing! I didn’t know he was into music production. Not that I’ve ever talked to him, but.”

“No, I get you,” he hums, giving your side a firm squeeze, “he’s really awesome making beats. I hope we’re successful.” Then, reaching past you, he takes the second bong and a lighter from Felix. When he resituates himself, he’s considerably closer than before. You don’t mind.

“Ladies first?” Changbin offers with a crooked grin, handing them to you. Then, on second thought, he holds onto the lighter to do the honors. “Sure. Thanks,” you laugh, glancing across the room to find everyone arguing over which color to set the lights to as they wait for their high. Bringing the tube to your lips, you offer a miniscule nod to him and then he is setting flame to the bowl. Sucking strong enough to generate bubbles, you unplug the bowl once he stops and breathe in as much as your lungs can handle in one go. Then, once you have exhaled, you quickly finish what’s left in the tube before passing it to Changbin with a pleased smile.

“That was a lot,” he points out once you have handed the bong back to him. “Hey, you’re the one who kept lighting it for thirty seconds. Mother would be proud,” you joke, reciprocating the same service and lighting the bowl until he glares at you beneath his bangs.

The best part about being high is the fact that you are constantly laughing. Things won’t even be that funny, but once someone starts laughing—you’re done for. You laugh so hard it hurts, and then once it’s all over, you realize it wasn’t funny at all. “Has anyone ever told you that you look like a squirrel?” Minho asks Jisung at some point. You absolutely loose it. It quite possibly is the funniest thing you have ever heard.

Pouting, Squirrel Boy leaves Minho alone on his bed to come crash beside you. “How are you, my tender oozing blossom?”

Squinting at him past the way your eyes burn, you make grabby hands and pull him close to wrap your arms around his teeny waist. Changbin grumbles in protest, but he’s too transfixed on the light’s soft in and out fade of different colors to say anything else. “Please, don’t ever call me that again,” you mumble into Jisung’s mop of brown hair.

“What?” He gasps, tilting to look up at you with puppy eyes. “You didn’t like it?”

“Nope,” smiling lazily, you rest your head atop his, “I love you, but I’m not ready for pet names yet.” His face morphs from a frown to one lit with excitement. “Holy shit, did you just say you love me? Do my eyes deceive me?”

“That would be your ‘ears,’ but yes,” you hum, brain simply not capable of denying it the way your sober self would. “More than Changbin?” Jisung whispers.

“Yes, but don’t tell him,” you return quietly, biting back a laugh.

“More than Hyunjin?” He counters. At this, you look up to find said boy sat with his legs to his chest across the room. Next to Seungmin, he looks like a giant; but a happy, pouty giant that keeps talking about how much he could go for a winter melon tea right now.

“Never.”

One and a half (half because it was just the rest of Minho’s terribly big hit that left tears streaming down his cheeks) and an unfinished game of Cards Against Humanity later, you find yourself in a blissful headspace. The song playing quietly through Felix’s speaker makes it feel like you are bouncing down stairs and then going up again, and the lights are oh so pretty, pink fading to red, yellow to green, blue to purple and so on. Things are fuzzy but crystal clear at the same time, the popcorn you’ve been shoveling into your mouth tastes heavenly, and your body feels like it is engulfed in a warm, comforting hug.

Or, that could just be Changbin.

Somewhere in between trying to get more comfortable and him yanking you to stay next to him when you attempted to get up and hug Seungmin for something sweet he said, you now find yourself on your back with a clinging Changbin on your side. You are so comfortable, but also insanely hot, and as you begin to slowly come down from your high as the hours tick by, you begin to realize it’s for another reason.

What started as an innocent hand on your side turned into his thumb rubbing meaningless patterns against your shirt, which then turned into his hand slipping beneath to splay against the warmth of your skin. Growing increasingly needy as the minutes go by, you turn to look at everyone around you. Jisung, who found himself returning to Minho, appears to be passed out with him on the far end of the room. Seungmin, curled up on the floor with a pillow and a heap of blankets. Felix, who finished off the rest of his weed, scrolls aimlessly on his phone still at the peak of his high.

And Hyunjin, who you assume has been fast asleep on his bed for a while now if the arm flung over his face tells you anything. For a moment, you feel sick with sadness. So close, but so far he lies, always a step out of reach. But you can’t deny how Changbin makes you feel—for right now, at least. And it would be a shame to miss out on an opportunity with someone else because the one you want is unattainable.

Right?

Changbin must sense the way your breathing increases, must feel the way your body reacts to the slightest of touches, yet he takes his time. He is soft in the way his hand travels up your arm, rough fingertips grazing over your collarbones before smoothing down over your chest and abdomen. It isn’t until you are about to burst at the seams does he give your ass a strong squeeze and urge your leg over his hips.

“Changbin,” you sigh, biting your lip to keep from whimpering when he begins pressing hot, open-mouthed kisses down the length of your throat. “Please touch me.”

He only makes a sound of agreement, savoring the way you squirm and grip onto his arm for dear life. When he offers an experimental roll of his hips to grind against you, you practically go feral. The last time you were touched in such a way was at a party in the beginning of the semester Jisung and co. physically forced you to go to, and Changbin has barely even touched you and it’s already better than the rushed sex you had that night.

“Wait,” he huffs, pausing his ministrations no matter how difficult it is to do so, “we can’t.”

“What?” You hiss, trying to keep your voice quiet, “why?”

“Because you’re high, and I’m high, and I’m not going to do anything unless you really want me to,” Changbin explains, pressing a gentle kiss to your lips when you frown in response. “But I do want you to,” you huff, chasing his mouth for another, “I trust you one hundred percent.”

“Are you sure, YN?” What about Hyunjin? is what he really means and you know he’s right. You should have never told Felix.

Trying to ignore the wetness of your underwear, you turn to lie on your back. “Whatever. Never mind,” you mumble, and when you glance back to him, you can’t help the way your heart soars with him still pressed closely to your side, blinking tiredly at you. But like he said, it’s not Hyunjin. “Just get some sleep, Binnie. Forget it happened,” smiling past the tears that threaten to spill, you ruffle his hair and press a softer kiss to his forehead.

“I’m sorry,” Changbin whispers, returning the affection with a kiss to your shoulder. In minutes, he is snoring softly beside you.

You can’t fall asleep to save your life.

Reaching for your phone to check the time, you grit your teeth once you realize it’s almost four and you definitely have been staring at the ceiling for more than an hour. For starters, you are freezing now; unlike these passed out hooligans, you are showing a lot more skin and not being under the blankets is not doing you well. And secondly, it’s hard to fall asleep when your thoughts are flying miles a minute.

Is this how it’s going to be, then? Whenever you see someone, will the little guy on your shoulder whisper in your ear that it’s not Hyunjin? Or will people deem you off limits because they know of your infatuation? People who know, at least—Changbin is the first, apparently.

Just need to get comfy, you decide, trying to ignore such thoughts and turning to lie on your stomach. Bless Felix for leaving the lights on, too—you may be coming down from your high, but the vibe is simply immaculate. Tucking a hand under your cheek and following the ropes of light on the ceiling and up the walls, you find this to be enough to calm your nerves. Enough to make your eyelids heavy. Finally.

Someone lets out a monster train snore. Seungmin, you think, biting your lip to keep from laughing. Or, it could be Hyunjin. The thought is so amusing you can’t help but squint at the boy across from you to better see his outline, hoping he will do it again just to confirm.

No, not Hyunjin.

Because he’s facing you, eyes open, a soft smile plastered on his face. Well, fuck.

No reason to panic, you console yourself, returning a gentle smile in the assumption he can even see you. And you stay like that for a while, simply watching one another for an infinite amount of time. It’s not much, but it means something, you think, lost in the way the contours and highlights of his face change with each color the lights fade to. Just as you remember the whole point of getting on your stomach was to fall asleep, Hyunjin moves. Reaching for his phone, you watch in confusion as he brings it close to his face and starts typing.

hwang hyunjin👁👄👁 [now] Come sleep w me?

You almost throw up in your mouth. You must be dreaming. Surely.

Blinking against the harsh light of your phone, you cannot help your smile as you reread the text.

[4:02 am] YN: wont that b a little sus for bin

[4:02 am] hwang hyunjin👁👄👁: If anyone asks just say he kept kicking u or something

You don’t need to be told twice. Now that he has turned onto his side facing the other direction, Changbin does not stir once you slowly move to sit up and stand, nor when you reach for the quilt crumbled at the foot of the bed to pull over him. It’s not much, but hopefully it will keep him from waking in a few hours freezing to death. Then, as you tiptoe your way over to Hyunjin’s bed, avoiding Felix now that he’s sprawled half way off the bean bag, you cannot tell if you are still shivering from the cold or if the fact you are going to be sleepingwith Hyunjin in one, tiny single bed is finally clicking in your brain. Like Maddie said, this is something you want, right?

As you draw closer, Hyunjin shifts to make room and lifts the covers for you to quietly slip beneath. “Thank you,” you whisper, pulling the blanket up to your chin and trying to ignore the feeling of being so close to him. “Of course. You looked real cold over there,” he smiles tiredly. Then, his arm cautiously curls around you to rest by your head, fingers swiping stray hairs away from your face.

“I was,” you admit. Eyes level to his lips, you strain to look him in the eyes to resist the temptation now that he’s pulled you so close. “Changbin fell asleep and I felt bad waking him.”

Hyunjin doesn’t reply. He seems momentarily lost in thought, brows slightly furrowed as he chews on the inside of his lip.

“Do you like him?” He finally asks, voice shaky with hesitation.

“What?” You sputter, shocked at such a presumption. Yet again…

“No, no I don’t. I mean—as a friend, yes, but, you know,” you trail off, squeezing your eyes shut. You desperately wish you were not having this conversation right now. “He was touching you, though. And it looked like you liked it,” Hyunjin whispers, thumb swiping against your cheekbone.

“I mean, well yeah, I did. But I’m not close enough to like him like that. It’s just a physical attraction,” realizing you are discussing what went down with Changbin to Hyunjin, you suddenly pull back and lean up on an elbow to get a better look at him, heat now spreading up your limbs like fire. “Were you watching us, Hwang?”

“Yes,” he admits, “it’s kind of hard not to.” Your heart stops beating.

“I – what?” You manage once you have remembered how to breathe. “I didn’t know you were awake, we wouldn’t have… what do you mean, ‘it’s kind of hard not to?’”

“You know what I mean, YN,” Hyunjin mutters, arm slipping around your waist and pulling you to lie down with him again, this time, your chest pressed to his. “I like looking at you. You’re very pretty.”

You definitely must still be high, because you are seriously having a hard time wrapping your mind around Hyunjin calling you pretty, as well as being so close, and somewhere deep in your mind wonders if he knows. If he knows how your heart is on the line here. Knows that with him moving closer, you are taking a huge risk.

When Hyunjin kisses you, you forget that this could be the worst mistake you’ve made in a long time. Wrapped around his fingers, you pray this is his way of saying he feels the same.

“YN!” You wake to Seungmin gently shaking your shoulder. “YN, wake up. Your phone has been vibrating for twenty minutes now. It’s Maddie.”

The wave of panic washing over you dispels the grogginess you feel from suddenly being yanked from sleep, as well as the recognition of where you are and who you’re with. Frantic, you sit up and nod in thanks to him before taking the call. “Hello?”

“Oh, thank God you answered,” Maddie cries, voice choked, “I’m sorry, I know you’re still out, but I just threw up and I feel so terrible and when I get up I feel so nauseous. Can you come home?”

“Shit, Maddie, don’t apologize,” you whisper, rushing to grab your things as Seungmin unfolds The Ladder as quietly as possible, “I’m leaving now. Don’t move, you don’t want it to get worse. I’ll be there as fast as I can, okay?”

“Okay,” she whimpers before hanging up.

“Thank you, Minnie,” pressing a kiss to his cheek, you begin to climb down. “Is everything okay?” He asks, watching as you go with a worried frown. “Yes, it’s fine. Just a little emergency, don’t worry,” praying no one is out and about watching as you climb from the back of their building, you rush back to help Maddie as fast as you can.

You stay back in your dorm with Maddie for the rest of the weekend, fetching her water and ginger ale and food she can handle, helping her to the restroom, and binging all sorts of shows and movies with her. Seungmin, Jisung, and Minho visit Sunday evening, joining you for a few hours to watch Pokémon. You think it’s just because Minho knew it would be a good opportunity to snuggle with Maddie.

You can’t help but feel disappointed when Hyunjin isn’t with them. You refrained from telling Maddie what happened in 201, too caught up wanting to make sure she was alright, and by now you are starting to feel as if it wasn’t even real. Maybe you made the whole night up in your marijuana-infused brain. And snuggled up with Jisung, you can’t help but wish it was this annoying shit you were falling in love with.

On Monday morning, Hyunjin doesn’t show up for breakfast. On Tuesday, you find out he has been hanging out with a girl he met at his favorite boba joint and apparently won’t shut up about. First, you run back to your dorm to cry to Maddie, having to explain all of Friday night to her. When she leaves for her lab, you call Felix for an emergency smoke session. When Maddie texts that she is going to be out late working on a project, you call Changbin to tell him that you really do want him to.

Like you said, it’s just a physical attraction, right?

⇢ part 2

[nautilusopus]

do you have any favorite books?

Coraline by Neil Gaiman is the obvious answer lol. Still my favourite book to this day, obviously hugely influential in my own bullshit. Seriously check it out if you can find a copy, it’s pretty short and absolutely worth your time.

The Devil’s Storybook by Natalie Babbitt and its sequel (The Devil’s Other Storybook) are more of an anthology of short stories starring the Devil, who occupies every role from vague background presence to put-upon protagonist that are funny and thought-provoking and genuinely clever and that pissed enough people off that it was a banned book for a while. “The Imp in the Basket” is the kind of short story I wish more people knew about and wanted to sincerely discuss what actually happened at the end.

ugh i haven’t read a book i actually enjoyed in over ten years at this point uhhhhhh

Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut. I think potentially the only classic I had to read in school that I genuinely liked and actually finished in one sitting on my own time. And I think the first time any themes a book had for me actually clicked and I was able to do any kind of meta analysis of it completely unprompted. Baby’s first literary comprehension. Slaughterhouse-Five is a semi-autobiographical piece set during the bombing of Dresden in WWII, and also some period in the “future” (the 80s lol), and ALSO on an alien planet as the protagonist is abducted and taken to a human zoo. The story is told achronologically, and I feel is hugely influential to my own shit where it skips around, building a narrative almost entirely by juxtaposing specific moments in time against one another. It's surreal and thought-provoking, and if you only ever make yourself read one classic, it should be this one. *

Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of NIMH by Robert C. O'Brien. Bear in mind this thing has fuck-all to do with the movie, and while in retrospect I now am able to enjoy the Don Bluth movie as its own thing, I remember being fucking furious when they busted out a goddamn magical amulet. It’s a different kind of story, but is more magic realism than outright fantasy, and the titular rats get a lot more backstory, as does the late Mr. Frisby iirc.

The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane by Kate DiCamillo. God that book fucked me up. It is about a snotty porcelain toy rabbit that gets dropped overboard a ship into the ocean one day, and the various owners he has over the years as he changes hands, and the impacts they have on him, and it makes me fucking cry every time and is to date the only book to ever do so so fairly warned be ye. Fucking shit I wish I could dish out gut-punches half as good as that book could.

The His Dark Materials trilogy by Phillip Pullman, which in and of itself is an angry rebuttal against everything the Chronicles of Narnia has to say, as well as Christianity in general. You’ve probably seen shit floating around about the HBO series, which I have not watched. Lyra is a horrible gremlin child running wild around a parallel universe Oxford until she accidentally stumbles onto a conspiracy that goes all the way to the Church which unofficially runs the government and eventually starts an interdimensional war against God. The first two books I think are better than the last one, which really drags in spots (and in a twist of irony had Lyra’s sexual awakening censored from the North American release which like... come on man). Absolutely worth checking out though, especially if you’re an angry pedant like I am.

Tales from the House of Bunnicula, by James Howe. Honestly the entire "Bunnicula Expanded Universe"(???) is great, but in particular I'm mentioning this sub-series because I think it actually kind of taught me to write. The framing device used is that they're being written by Howe's pet dog and sent in to him to publish by proxy. On top of having just a lot of good storytelling tips for beginners (how to create a plot! how to create character motivations! how to write female characters like actual people!), they're also fun little satire pieces of various kinds of genre fiction. Like, the third book is a riff on Harry Potter and making fun of all of JKR's worst writing tendencies, like her compulsion to phonetically write out everyone's fucking accent.

these days i'm just too picky to enjoy books anymore idfk. you have no idea how fucking disheartening it was growing up with actual taste (snooty snooty snoot) and watching everyone go nuts over stuff like divergent and eragon and maximum ride and fuckmothering twilight and shit. like, yeah misogyny absolutely played into why people shat on it because teenage girls aren't allowed to like anything, but lest we forget they were still shitty books guys. that never stopped being true or anything. and you were a social pariah if you didn't like them and that sucked. and then a couple ostensibly good series, like harry potter and artemis fowl and hunger games just dropped the fucking ball for one reason or another as they went on and never picked it back up. i think the mid 2000s almost singlehandedly just killed any real enthusiasm i had for reading altogether (this is not even getting into the fact a lot of really fucking bad "grown-up" novels came out around that period too. whole era was a baaaad time for books). so here i am writing, i guess, because i've decided you fuckers can't be trusted to make anything good yourselves. if you want something done right...

(*I like to think if Cloud wrote a book he’d write something like Slaughterhouse-Five. I think at one point I was even working on a fic along those lines -- a fictional story vaguely based off the burning of Nibelheim and the fall of Shinra that was written, in-universe, by Cloud several years later. Abandoned it just because of how fucking complicated it would be to do. Might come back to it one day.)

[arlenianchronicles]

Could you please tell us more about Wilwarindil? :DD💕💕💕 If you don't mind, I'd like to know more about him! 💓💓

Hahaa alrighty then, I’ll share what I’ve come up with so far! 💕 💕 💕 Be warned, it’s quite long because I ended up taking his story all the way to the Third Age lmaoo

To start with, Wilwarindil is a Maia of Vána and Nessa. I chose these two because of a conversation I had with some fellow Tolkien fans: Vána and Nessa are kinda boring in that they don’t do much in the Silmarillion. Vána grows flowers. Nessa runs. How exciting! loll sorry Vána and Nessa I still love you

First Age

So, initially as a joke, I handed Wilwarindil over to these two Valier XDD He spent the early days of the First Age running all over the place with Nessa and trying to catch up with her; he also had to water Vána’s gardens whenever the two Valier got together for some tea (or whatever the Valar do these days). You can probably imagine how bored he got after a while loll 

Eventually, Wilwarindil decided that he’d had enough and, taking a leaf out of Melian’s book, left Valinor for Middle-earth. By this time, the Sun has already risen and the Edain are settled in Dorthonion. For whatever reason, Wilwarindil ended up in a simple Edain village there, and he encounters two of my other Tolkien OCs, a grandfather and his grandson. I haven’t found proper names for them yet, so for simplicity, I’ll dub them as Grandfather and Grandson XDDD The grandmother passed naturally, and Grandson’s parents are off trading somewhere. So it’s just him and his gramps to watch the house.

Wilwarindil is very intrigued by these Edain, given that he’s never seen the Secondborn before. He’s quite an innocent and sweet Maia, and perhaps a bit fumbly loll He’s excited but shy to meet Grandfather and Grandson. On the other hand, the latter are very confused with him -- I mean, can you imagine some odd-robed Elf-like person coming out of the woods to say hi??

Well, they end up taking pity on him and teach him some life skills lmaoo Like farming and cooking and all that stuff. Wilwarindil is able to study the Edain, and grows very fond of Grandfather and Grandson; he’s not familiar with Edain aging, so he calls them both his young, sprightly saplings XDD (“I can’t even turn around without injuring myself,” Grandfather says).

He doesn’t stay there forever though. Once he’s deemed well enough, Wilwarindil goes off to travel Middle-earth! He meets Elves and other Edain, sees the beautiful mountains and lakes, and all that fun stuff. I haven’t detailed this part of his story too well hahaa There’s lots of space for him to encounter the Feanorians, or Fingolfin’s people, or whichever big-name character you’d like! But after a few years or so, he decides to return to Grandfather and Grandson for a break. He arrives just in time for Grandfather to pass away.

Wilwarindil is devastated. Very much so. Grandson’s parents are back, so introductions are made, etc. Wilwarindil ends up staying and helps around the house. He takes on weaving as his new coping mechanism hobby. He sends out animal helpers to gather nuts and fruits for the family. He forms a close bond with Grandson (cuz I like those Elf-human friendships y’all). His butterfly friends settle over Grandfather’s grave from time to time.

The Dagor Bragollach takes place when Grandson is all grown up with his own family, including a little child. Wilwarindil is able to give the villagers a chance to escape. He guides the survivors to Dor-lómin, where they merge with the House of Hador.

Second Age

Wilwarindil continues to watch over Grandson’s descendants. Fast forward, and they all go to Numenor. Most of the later descendants in Numenor go bad, falling under Tar-Mairon’s dominion, which causes some conflict between them and Wilwarindil (he’d feel guilty because he thinks he’s failing Grandfather and Grandson by not guiding their descendants well enough). When Numenor is drowned, Wilwarindil barely makes it out alive, carrying a small child descendant with him. He brings the child to Elendil’s group, and there the child flourishes.

Third Age

As the years pass, some of the descendants marry into the Eotheod, and later become part of the Rohirrim, while others stay in Gondor. Wilwarindil visits them all as much as he can. During the events of The Hobbit, he is off in the East, searching for the Blue Wizards. Maybe there could be some interactions between them! I haven’t thought that far yet loll During the War of the Ring, the newest addition to Grandson’s descendant line is a Rohirrim girl named Eafled (river beauty). 

I had some things in my notes with Wilwarindil and the War of the Ring, but it’s not fully developed or finished. I keep getting the impression that he never fully came to terms with Grandfather (and Grandson’s) death, though it’s been so long ... Maybe the Valar and Maiar process grief differently than Elves and Men ^^;; So the end goal of his story would be to help him come to terms with that and maybe return to Valinor where he can have a good rest. And maybe Mandos sends him a message from Grandfather and Grandson’s fëar, which they left before departing from the World.

And that’s all I have for Wilwarindil! Thanks for reading this far, if you did loll Seriously it means a lot T_T And thanks for asking about my Tolkien OC! 💕 💕 💕

[bettsfic]

march pinned: ending the sex project

in the march edition of my lowkey writing-related newsletter, in addition to my writing-related post roundup and upcoming consultation availability, i have personal essay recommendations and a segment on the definition of a project!

for more information on my creative coaching services, check out my carrd.

if you want to receive my lowkey writing-related newsletter directly, you can subscribe here.

full newsletter below the cut, or you can read it here.

fuck february, amiright?

i thought january was bad. but february. february was the stuff of nightmares. my cousin passed away from covid (you can read about her here; she was really an amazing person and i feel so lucky to have known her). i was finally formally diagnosed with PCOS (bittersweet, i guess). my car broke down. i took two (2) days off and it took me two and a half weeks to get caught up again. i can only hope march treats us all a little more gently.

the good news is, i finished revisions on my short story collection to send to my agent, finished workshop submissions for the semester, and now i can return to my first love, fanfiction. that i am constantly working through original fiction to return to fanfiction has been making me think a lot about the nature of a creative, capital-p Project. so, this month’s BTALA (been thinkin a lot about) is going to inspect the concept of a “project.”

new resource

last month i unveiled a folder of my favorite short stories which i’m pleased to hear several of you have perused and gotten some inspiration from. this month i’ve compiled my favorite personal essays. there are fewer essays than there are short stories because i’ve broken them into two groups: personal and craft. next month i hope to have the craft essays compiled.

i’m always looking for more things to love, so if you have recommendations for your favorite short stories and essays, i’d be happy to hear them!

writing-related posts

how to physically maneuver the revision process

the difference between M and E ratings of fic

resources for worldbuilding (check out the reblogs for more!)

a couple syntax/prose book recs

how to break a long work into chapters

march availability

unfortunately i have to cut my coaching hours down a bit, so i don’t have any openings left in march, but i have some availability in april. if you’re interested in a writing consultation, please fill out this google form!

you can learn more about my services on my carrd.

what i’m into rn

for the past year, i’ve basically been trapped in a 10x10 room, and my health is definitely reflecting that, both mentally (does anyone else feel like they’re living in groundhog day? just, every day being exactly the same except fractionally worse than the day before??) and physically (i reorganized the kitchen and could barely move for two days).

reader, i have discovered something called “walking,” in which i put on real human shoes and go outside. it feels strange, bestial. neighbors wave hello to me. a harrowing experience.

while doing this, this walking, i’ve been listening to the lolita podcast which a friend recommended to me, a ten-episode series that dives into everything lolita: the novel itself, its context, adaptations, greater cultural responses, and — as a sticker on my laptop says — vladimir “russian dreamboat” nabokov. as far as i can tell it seems well-researched and presents the many perspectives of lolita in a fair way. i’m only a few eps in, but i’m entranced so far. highly recommended if you, like me, have a complicated relationship with lolita.

i’ve also found myself mildly addicted to a mobile otome game called obey me, which. look i know it’s like the definition of cringe but it’s also mind-numbingly fun and if i want to spend my minimal free time pretending 7 demon brothers are all vying for my affection then that’s between me and god. it’s a lot of what i loved about WoW: frequent events, bright colors, a daily to do list of simple but satisfying tasks, many many rewards, and it doesn’t take itself very seriously. and if i have 4k fic written of mammon/reader that’s nobody’s business but mine and my longsuffering ao3 subscribers.

i’m telling you this because i don’t know anyone else who plays it and am desperate to trade headcanons. so if you play, or start playing, hit me up!! i will give u mad tips and daily AP.

been thinkin a lot about

the project. the project. even the word “project.” PROject (noun). proJECT (verb). what is the project? “project” comes from the latin pro and jacare which means “to throw forward,” or projectum which means “something prominent.” a projector throws forward an image. to project onto something means to throw your perspective onto something else. to embark on a project is to make something prominent in your life. the concept of “the projects” comes from public housing projects, the government throwing forward affordable housing.

what is the project? in joseph harris’ essay “coming to terms” he says that “to define the project of a writer is…to push beyond his text, to hazard a view about not only what someone has said but also what he was trying to accomplish by saying it.” harris’ perspective is that of an english teacher encouraging his students to read critically, not just to summarize a text but to find its project, its greater purpose. and while i first read this essay in a seminar on composition pedagogy, it stuck with me as a writer. it made me reconsider the greater nature of the creative project.

how many of us, if asked to describe our writing project, would begin with a plot or character premise, the nuts and bolts of a specific story? maybe even the working title? but i wonder, is breaking out the plot really the project? is the discipline of sitting down and typing really the project? and when the story is finished, is the project over? what is the project?

in 2019, i wrote 86k words of a novel. i began revising that novel last fall, and i’m finding that i’ll probably keep maybe less than 10k of that initial draft. i’m not bothered by that. the novel i wrote before that started at 125k, then i rewrote the entire thing to 200k, then i whittled it back down to 160k, and next i’ll be tasked with paring it back down to 80k. i’m not bothered by that either. in the past five years or so i’ve written about 2 million words, and i’ve only published 20k of them. only 1% of what i’ve written, i’ve published. in the words of lauren cooper (catherine tate), i’m not bothered.

i used to see publication as the birth of the project, and writing it akin to a long gestation period. then i saw publication as the death of the project, and its life was lived in its drafting. now, publication seems irrelevant to the project. the confines of a story and its many revisions are also irrelevant to the project. the beginning of a story is not the start of the project and the end of the story is not the end of the project. the project is larger than the story, its revisions, its publication, and its eventual readership.

i think it took me so long to see this because for so many years i was still in my first project, the sex project, an exploration of trauma and sexual identity, which began in 2014 with destiel fanfiction, endured through many fandom shifts, my MFA, years adrift as an adjunct, all the way through 2020 with the completion of my short story collection. i used to wonder how anyone could write about anything other than sex. to me it was the only topic worth my attention. i was certain that i would spend my entire life being a sex writer and i’d never find fulfillment writing a young adult sci fi adventure or a highly literary novel about complicated family dynamics. i was baffled by people who were interested in other things, who could write entire novels without using the word “cock” even once.

then my sex project ended. i don’t know when exactly it happened or why, but suddenly i realized i never wanted to write another artful description of an orgasm or find a tactful euphemism for a vagina ever again (personally i prefer “wet cunt” because not only is it blunt, i find it phonetically pleasing). obviously i’m still writing explicit fanfic but it doesn’t feel the same as it used to. sex feels more sidelined to me, even if it’s still the center and drive of a fic. i no longer get any personal satisfaction from writing it, although i do get satisfaction in sharing the work for readers to enjoy.

it’s like i’ve somehow solved the biggest puzzle of my life. or i guess made peace with my meanest monster, that extremely complicated double-mind of desire that some non-sex-repulsed asexuals feel: you want to feel desire you can’t actually feel so you write it into fiction, to try to understand this thing you can’t have and which society tells you you’re missing, and you don’t even know if you don’t have it, because you still feel desire for affection and intimacy, and maybe even a desire to be desired. and for those of us who are asexual and have c-ptsd, sex you don’t actually want (but don’t know you don’t want, because maybe you’re ambivalent and mildly curious and touch-starved) and an unrelenting drive toward people-pleasing can be a dangerous combination. how can you ever know what consent is if you always put other people’s desires above your own?

maybe i’m alone in this. maybe i’m not. maybe for most people, wanting sex is a light switch: yes i want it, or no i don’t. but for me, i had to write a whole lot of words to figure out things like desire, consent, intimacy, forgiveness, the shape that good love takes. the lengthy theoretical flowchart of “i might be interested in having sex if this and this and this and this and this happens in this exact order and under these exact circumstances.”

it was hard to write something into reality that i have never seen except in pieces, in subtext i clung to with no lexicon to give it shape and meaning. te lawrence in lawrence of arabia. some of tarantino’s early work. the film benny and joon. and weirdly, the star wars prequels (that one’s hard to explain; i’ll spare you). i don’t think the sex project was about coming to terms with my asexuality as much as it was trying to organize my thoughts and feelings by continuously rendering my own experiences within a greater, shinier ideal — like how you sometimes have to unravel the entire skein of yarn to find the loose end, and only then can you get started.

i guess i’m in the infancy of the power project now. i’m moving toward themes of control, infamy, greatness. the exact circumstances in which atrocity occurs. how people rise into leadership and fall from grace. the consequences of success. i don’t know why this project has come to me, or what, if anything, it has to do with me. i’m not famous and have no intention of becoming famous; i don’t have social power or influence, at least not beyond my little corner of fandom, and i’m not interested in having it. and yet, here we are, already hundreds of thousands of words in.

my fics digging for orchids (tgcf) and a standing engagement (the hunger games) deal with the detriments of fame. and even float (breaking bad) to a degree is about the aftermath of being so close to power. my novel cherry pop, loosely based on macbeth, is about an ongoing power exchange between two teenage girls. my other novel, vandal, is about a girl who believes she has magic powers and casts a spell on her neighbor to fall in love with her. and i’m in the very early stages of a novel called groundswell, a cult story i’ve been wanting to write for years. i had no idea why i couldn’t write it until i realized it wasn’t yet my project. i’m not even to the stage of developing characters, let alone a premise or plot. i’m still just building my aesthetic pile (i discuss the aesthetic pile here, as well as vandal in more detail), watching documentaries on cults, reading books, finding inspiration, marking down ideas as they come. it may be years before i’m ready to sit down and write it.

now that i know what the project is, i have more patience with myself. it doesn’t bother me to rewrite a novel from the beginning, or to scrap novels altogether, because the story isn’t the project. the project cannot be diminished by cutting words, sentences, paragraphs, entire chapters. the project does not have a product. the project cannot be published. the project is in the practice, in dragging the impossibly large into clear, acute existence, so you can see it. so you can see the very center of what you thought was an unknowable thing.

[ballsballsbowls]

Now that I’ve read the first eight books in the Shadowlands series by Cherise Sinclair (and my reading after that will get spotty and less impressive as SOME are ebooks only and novella length on top of that), I felt like it would be the right time to discuss my impressions of the series and some of the pros and cons.

By the time I’d read two of the Shadowlands books, I was pretty sure my goal in life was to find everyone who read fsog and slap it out of their hands and offer them Shadowlands instead. I’ve bought nearly all of the books New (and I’m going to replace my used copies eventually with new copies), and I intend to keep them, which if you know me are both pretty uncommon.

So first, the pros:

- They’re really well written, as far as I’m concerned. They prose is appealing, the sex scenes are written in a way that is neither too descriptive or too “huh so what position are they in again?” - and that matters a lot when the sex scenes make up a substantial potion of the text. They’re fast reads for as long as they are (there’s a couple that are novella length but most of the series is 400+ pages per book). I read a LOT of subpar erotica in the past year and this looked SO great by comparison

- In addition to that, her POV characters are really well done. It’s omniscient third person, but each of the POV characters (in most books it’s the hero, the heroine, and one of the antagonists) are all very distinct. This becomes more obvious as the series goes on and there’s a more diverse set of POV characters - I’d say I noticed it by book 4 and REALLY starts showing off in book 6 and beyond. Her taciturn late 50s hero doesn’t do his internal monologues the same way as her younger, chattier heroes, and her late 40s heroine doesn’t monologue the same way as her late 20s geeky heroine.

- She has a standard letter that starts each book reminding her readers that finding a Dom isn’t easy but it’s important to find someone you REALLY get along with who meets your needs. It also contains a warning that she KNOWS some of the stuff is glossed a little bit for time and space and plot flow and those details are equally important. I feel like that’s way more responsible than some other books who don’t need mentioned again.

- A lot of the bdsm in the book is....actually good? She caught a lot of flak for the first book or two and some of the stuff she’s depicting, but she fixed a LOT of it in the later books. I spent 30 minutes flailing in the chat because one of the Doms was WRONG in one of the books. He’s not psychic; he’s not unfallible; he’s a human being and had a decision and made the wrong one and regretted it. It’s something I rarely see in bdsm books (hence the flailing) and it’s sort of indicative of how she’s handling this stuff. By book 3 they’re spending a LOT of text on discussing stuff openly with each other, catching when they are NOT being fully honest or fully open, and correcting it. And it’s not entirely sex stuff, either. She consistently discusses condom use, aftercare, and other super boring nuts-and-bolts stuff that is really REALLY important in practice and gives a much better idea of what’s involved than other series. And she manages to do it without being preachy about what’s involved.

- The heroes are not only not infallible, but bringing their own baggage to the relationships too and only succeed when they ALSO are honest about what bothers them and what they need out of a relationship. She probably relies too heavily on “my ex-wife traumatized me” but I’m willing to forgive her.

- She invests a lot of page space to explicitly depicting abusers (mostly but not EXCLUSIVELY men) who are using bdsm as a smokescreen for their abuse and making it abundantly clear that they are in the wrong and what behavior SPECIFICALLY is wrong and bad (hence why the heroes spend so much time communicating and being honest about their feelings, for contrast)

- She depicts a wide variety of bdsm practices without infodumping excessively about them, including stuff I rarely see in fiction, like fireplay. 

I think the buzzword to sum up the series is “Normal” - the goal seems to be to showcase bdsm and its practitioners as normally as possible. That could, in principle, go either way depending on how she handled it, but I think she succeeded. I admit I sometimes have some head-scratching moments as someone who isn’t cis or het or Christian or after most of the normal benchmarks of adulthood, but “she’s got a totally standard job and totally boring desire for marriage and kids and she wants to drink wine coolers with her friends and go to church on sundays” is important to people! It means something to primary audience of this book! Someone who got a rec for this book on Pinterest would probably love the idea that these women are Just Like Her and not some ultra weirdos doing ultra weird things.

This ended up longer than I thought - the list of cons is a lot shorter but I’ll split it up anyway. In short, I’m always reading bdsm stories with a mental checklist of what I’m looking for in terms of portraying it Well and Cherise Sinclair checked a bunch of boxes I didn’t even know I had while still being fun to read.

[theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin]

This is a bit random but if characters from your fics lived in the Atla universe what element would they bend? Personally I think Lily would still have all her powers which would result in people thinking she's the avatar even though she's not, Obito would be a firebender, Minato an airbender and Lenin dearest would be a waterbender/bloodbender/maybe the avatar?. This is just the vibe I get tho-

Who needs bullet points when we can do a far too thought out AU that spans multiple fandoms/recursive works that will never happen? 

More to the point, elements in AtLA is a mix of personality (we see earth benders as often brash and stubborn, water benders as adaptive, etc.) but also simply genetics. So, while I get that’s kind of the point of this post, it’s a bit weird to me to assign an element solely on personality. 

So with that, let’s get started.

The Setting

Just to make things fun let’s make our AU take place sometime between Sozin’s first comet and Roku’s death and Aang awakening from that iceberg. The air benders have been wiped out, seemingly with no survivors, the South Pole has been invaded and the water benders from there captured and brought back to the Fire Nation, many of the colonies in the Earth Kingdom have been established, but the North Pole and great cities in the Earth Kingdom still stand.

The Avatar hasn’t been missing for one-hundred years yet, but he’s been missing for decades and people are coming around to the idea that maybe he’s really not going to show up. 

Wizard Lenin/Tom Riddle

In this AU we’ll give Tom Riddle a slightly more traditional shitty background. Since we can’t really have a Tom in the AtLA universe he’s going to have the AtLA generic equivalent name that canon even jokes about: Lee. Lee is the mixed heritage son of a Fire Nation lord and a water bender from the south pole who grows up in a Fire Nation orphanage. And yes, this does happen in the absolute worst way you can possibly imagine, one of the imprisoned water benders from the south pole is raped.

As for Tom (Lee, you get the idea) arriving at an orphanage instead of being imprisoned/taken in as a son, well I’ll leave that to imagination but we can imagine a relatively compassionate guard, a dash of luck, or perhaps someone being an idiot and thinking “oh just dump it in an orphanage, there’s no way it will turn into a water bender too”

So, Tom grows up in an orphanage and looks just a bit... different from everyone else and is clearly not purely from the fire nation. I’m imagining much darker skin (and POC Tom Riddle is the weirdest thing in the world to contemplate, but here we are) and the pale blue eyes.

Tom grows up, dreaming probably of entering the military and winning himself glory, prestige, honor, and clawing out of this impoverished life he was born into. He undoubtedly desperately hopes he’s a fire bender, as not only is it cool but they have the best chance of making it in the world, and probably stays up late for many nights fruitlessly attempting to shoot fire out of his hands.

Unfortunately for Tom, sometime when he’s probably around eight or so, turns out he’s actually a water bender. Naturally, Tom has a huge meltdown and existential crisis as this means something’s terribly terribly wrong. More, all his hopes are ruined, as while a non-bender can make it a bender who is not a fire bender is a foreigner and traitor to the state.

Tom runs away and being a precocious child is able to make it on his own and about the country probably pulling off Toph-like scams. Eventually he runs into a much younger Hama who has just escaped prison and not yet started on her scary old lady adventures of imprisoning random villagers in caves. Hama goes, “of course, yes my child, I knew your mother” and gives Tom the whole horrible rape tale along with “I will teach you everything I know including my scary blood bending”. So Tom learns scary blood bending, probably stays with Hama a few years, and then realizes Hama isn’t going anywhere.

Hama’s content kidnapping random people into caves. At this point, angry and suddenly very pro-water bender Tom wants to murder the Fire Lord and his entire goddamn family and put himself in charge. Go big or go home, am I right?

So Tom leaves, Hama probably saying, “Come back any time, my beautiful murder child” and probably goes exploring the world in search of how the hell he’s going to bring down the Fire Lord. He also probably murders his entire father’s family and steals all his money, but that’s a different story. I imagine he goes to the North Pole where he learns that, as much of a water bender as he is, that he’s the son of someone from the Fire Nation closes pretty much every door to him. He’ll always be an outsider and the North Pole is very frosty towards him.

According to Hama, the South Pole is in shambles, so Tom probably doesn’t even bother going. 

So Tom probably goes and bums around the Earth Kingdom, loitering in Ba Sing Se and Omashu, looking for that damned Spirit Library in the desert, etc. for a good number of years as he works to perfect his water bending and make himself an instrument of death.

And then he meets an alien and everything changes.

Lily

Tom probably manages to wander around the spirit world at one point in his late teens and probably almost gets eaten by something terrifying. While he learns much it’s not really anything useful and is more in the “too cosmic horror for Tom” variety. More than that though, something follows him back out.

When he comes to back in the real world there’s this thing sitting next to him that looks enough like a person but also like someone told a gifted artist what humans look like and they got it mostly right but also went a little nuts. It’s a girl, a few years younger than him, who has flaming red hair, absurdly green eyes, pale skin, and facial features he can’t recognize for the life of him (Lily still looking western in this to up the ante of ‘she’s an alien folks’).

Tom sacrifices his dinner to it and hopes it doesn’t eat him.

It explains that it’s a tourist from another dimension, beyond even the Spirit World, and that it’s come to see what the mortal world is all about. Tom is naturally very weirded out but at this point decides to roll with it.

Except it doesn’t leave and clearly expects Tom to play tour guide.

He does, reluctantly, because he doesn’t want to be eaten but he also sort of gets used to the thing. Then, one day, it starts bending multiple elements with utter ease and Tom is at first flabbergasted and horrified (only to remember that spirits can do what they want and aren’t like lowly mortals who can only bend one element) and then he gets the idea.

The Avatar, lazy bastard that he is (and Tom might be a little more than slightly bitter that he himself is not the Avatar), appears to be MIA and not coming back any time soon. The entire world it seems is waiting for the Avatar to come and save them. But, Tom says to himself, who needs the Avatar when you can just have an Avatar. An Avatar and, of course, her water bending master.

Thus, the scheme is set, Tom will teach this weird alien thing how to a) act like a goddamn human in public and b) water bending and together they will pretend she’s the Avatar and got lost in the spirit world a few decades ago (which accounts for the youthful age and the weird appearance) and use this to gain allies, topple the Fire Nation, and eventually give the throne to Tom.

Lily, who doesn’t know the difference between being a tourist and taking over a nation, goes along but is basically this story’s answer to Uncle Iroh always getting distracted by Pai Sho.

Haru/Dead Last

Given that they’re in the Earth Kingdom, and that Lee picks up water bending insultingly quickly which makes Tom fume in rage, they go to pick up an earth bending master/spread the word that the Avatar has returned from her multiple decades long vacation. 

Along the way they probably run into Haru, who is the world’s most useless excuse for an Earth Bender. As always, he’s so average looking you can barely remember what he looks like beyond “generic earth bender”. 

They probably watch him for two seconds, Lily asks if this is it, and Tom Riddle says, “what a joke”. 

Minato Namikaze

Given that all the air benders are dead we’re going to make Minato a very talented earth bender (it is also very weird to imagine a dark haired/dark eyed Minato, but I suppose we’re going to roll with it). This also, to me, does fit his personality a little better as while he is a leaf on the wind kind of guy he also does dig his heels in and get very stubborn now and then.

Minato’s young, younger than Tom (Lee), but he’s incredibly talented and clever. To keep his shinobi background mostly in tact I imagine that Minato is a swiftly rising member of the Dai Li, stationed in Ba Sing Se, but who occasionally goes on intelligence missions to the other feudal powers in the Earth Kingdom.

So I imagine Lily and Tom run into him unnervingly frequently, probably first meeting him off duty in Omashu where he does his “extremely polite and friendly local guide” routine to show the pair the city (never mind that Tom insists he’s been to Omashu plenty of times goddammit). Despite this, Lily and Minato become friends, Lily easily confessing she’s the Avatar (which Minato at first thinks is a joke, even if she looks strange, then goes ‘oh my god, it’s not a joke). 

Eventually Minato is stationed to spy on them under the guise of teaching Lily earth bending. So he joins the gang. Tom, who knows exactly what’s going on, is not amused while Lily is just happy to collect another friend who will actually play Pai Sho with her. 

Kushina Uzumaki

Kushina is a earth bender, hands down. I debated making her a water bender (because whirlpool) but that personality is just pure earth bender material. Besides, I can just picture her so easily coming from Kyoshi. 

So Kushina’s an earth bending Kyoshi warrior, who while ten times as powerful as Minato, also lacks any of his control or cleverness. Kushina has undoubtedly left Kyoshi, abandoning their neutrality, to join the war and kick some fire bender ass.

She does this but along the way frequently runs into the gang where she annoys the ever loving shit out of Minato (her new rival) and claims that Avatar Lily is her new idol.

Rabbit

Rabbit is a mysterious spirit from Lily’s past that she refuses to talk about except in the darkest of terms promising doom and destruction the likes of which the world has never seen.

No one knows how to react to this. Or what a plain old ‘rabbit’ even is.

Tobirama Senju

Because no story’s not complete without Tobirama, I imagine he’s a stuffy waterbender and scholar from the North Pole who Tom is miffed at as the man refused to teach him even more water bending. Tobirama naturally feels that the day he teaches a blatant spy is the day he goes and drowns himself. 

Later, when Tom has picked up the Avatar and Tom rubs it in his face, Tobirama probably reluctantly spends a day or so teaching them something/fighting off the hordes of Fire Nation soldiers on their tale (it’s not Avatar if the gang isn’t constantly chased by fire benders).

Obito Uchiha

Obito is the answer to a fire bending instructor. Obito’s a firebender and the youngest son of a wealthy Fire Nation lord. However, Obito’s the black sheep of the family that everyone hates, a late bloomer when it comes to his bending, and is seen as bringing dishonor on the family.

Itching to prove himself, Obito becomes a soldier and goes to the Earth Kingdom, and eventually decides the best way to earn recognition and restore his honor is to capture the newly resurrected Avatar. Congratulations, Obito, you’re this story’s Zuko. 

Obito, while not the most talented fire bender at first (though as he gets older he gets dangerously good at it) is extremely clever and becomes the largest threat to the gang. 

That said, Obito actually does grow to like Lily quite a bit and begins to realize honor doesn’t actually mean that much to him and he doesn’t even really like his family. He doesn’t even dislike the concept of the Avatar and thinks the world probably does need one right about now.

So after a whole bunch of chasing them around the globe, thinking about his family, and being forced to almost kill the Avatar now and then he eventually defects and volunteers himself as fire bending instructor.

This is met with suspicion on all sides but he and Lily are bros so he wins.

Avatar Roku

Needing to pick up air bending, Lily probably fakes it until she makes it for a while, but eventually runs into Avatar Roku’s wandering spirit taking vacation from an ice cube.

He’s alarmed, but Aang’s trapped in ice, so if someone’s going to substitute then great.

To everyone else it just looks like Lily’s constantly talking to herself, playing Pai Sho with herself, and miraculously picks up air bending out of absolutely nowhere.

Also anyone close to Lee probably figures out she’s not really human/the avatar at this point, but they’ll take what they can get.

And This All Results In

Lily learns all the elements, there’s probably some big battle, then Lily gives some ridiculous speech about world peace that has nothing to do with anything and while the Fire Nation is defeated, Tom is not in fact made Fire Lord and remains merely the Avatar’s humble water bending instructor.

Instead, if he’s alive at this point, the crown goes to Iroh and he’s given a council of angry Earth Kingdom people who tell him to behave or else. We can give Iroh niceish things sometimes. That, or, hilariously, Obito becomes hokage/Fire Lord being distantly in line for the throne and doesn’t even know how that happened or what his life even is right now.

The colonies are the same mess in canon so something like Republic City probably eventually comes about.

Still, there’s peace, and probably statues to the gang all over the Earth Kingdom and Water Tribes (while the Fire Nation grumbles and remembers the good old days when they controlled the world). 

And then Aang eventually wakes up extremely confused and confronts Avatar Lily noting, “Hey, I’m the actual Avatar” and Lily after a suspiciously blank pause explains, “I said an Avatar, never said I was the Avatar”

So, that’s that. If anyone wants other specific characters added into this mess feel free to comment.