#these ridiculous games never fail to make my stomach hurt from laughing

[abrcmswrld]

Pigeon

Jay | Okja x Reader

━━━━

Word Count: 5,358

Warnings: smut (18+ only MDNI), mentions of animal abuse, violence, slight angst just cause pining ya know

Summary: Reader makes a mistake on a mission, prompting a series of events that would only bring them and Jay closer.

Authors Note: I love Jay with everything in my being, so I had to finish this. It has sat half finished in my drafts since April of 2022. I am delighted to have finished it FINALLY. I hope you enjoy!

Ao3 Link

1.

"You could've been killed!" He is pacing the room, eyes never meeting yours. You've never seen him in this manner, panicked and uneasy. Jay was always the mellow one, the one who kept it together even when punishing members for their ignorance, and yet he has dragged you into the privacy of his bedroom to lecture you frantically.

"Jay, I am fine! Nobody else was hurt and bruises heal." Nervous giggles are slipping out between words. You're torn between the anxiety that comes with his erratic behavior and the urge to laugh in his face at the attitude he is giving you over a matter that otherwise seems minor in comparison to what could have happened. He stops his pacing and sets a fiery gaze onto you. It causes you to stumble over your words for a moment, but quickly fills you with anger at the fact that he was treating you like a helpless child.

"I am not your child. You're being ridiculous!"

"You failed to follow the mission that was planned for you and you got hurt. Your blatant defiance could've gotten yourself or others killed." You can tell he is trying to keep his usual composure and by the book language, but the nerves and anger are slipping through the cracks in his tone.

You scoff. "Jay, I knew what I was signing up for when I joined the group. Things won't always go according to plan."

"You're supposed to follow the mission exactly how we planned that way things are within our control and nobody gets hurt! What don't you understand about that? I mean you do you think that your teammates signed up to get killed because you didn't think the plan was enough? If something more would've happened that would've been on you!" He's red in the face, but you see the pang of regret that washes over his face as the words leave his mouth. His gaze falls to the floor, dark strands of hair falling into his face. He shuts his eyes and sighs. Your heart falls to your stomach.

"You know what, I don't have to sit here and listen to you lecture me. If you want me gone then just tell me that. Dismiss Me. I don't care, Jay."

You nudge his shoulder as you push past him, only to be caught by his hand grabbing your wrist. The flames of anger begin to rise more and you instinctively jerk out of his grip, meeting his eyes once more. They have softened from their harsh gaze moments before. He's turned around and stepped closer to you, practically towering over you. "I don't want you to leave. I'm sorry." He sighs.

"I just care about your safety."

You swallow hard, taking in his words. Vulnerable. For once an encounter with Jay felt vulnerable, and the feeling is addicting. The tension in the room is so tight it feels like it could snap at any moment. You're not sure if its an awkward tension that naturally arises after a typical fight or if it has something to do with the feeling of electricity in your chest that you're trying so damn hard to ignore. His hand lightly lands on the side of your arm, and- fuck- the electricity is starting to burn. Your eyes travel over his face, but quickly move back to his eyes.

"I appreciate that."

You pull away from his grasp and close the door behind you as you walk out.

2.

It had been a tense few days to say the least. Struck by one of those missions that took time, aching long days, for updates. The group scrambled to find distractions from the stress and worry. Red had suggested nightly games of cards to try to take off some of the edge that came with the jobs.

So it became a routine for the coming days. The group would gather around a small table in a cramped living room of the Airbnb that Jay had arranged for everyone to stay in. Jay would join the game for about ten minutes each night, trying to be the strong and relaxed leader for his crew. Yet, each night he would quickly slip away into his room after the first couple of rounds. Tonight he had left the table early on stating that he was tired. You watched as he made his way to his bedroom and shut the door behind him.

Tired. Everyone is tired. You cleared your throat before standing. "Alright guys, I think I'm gonna run to the restroom. Start the next round without me." You walked to the end of the hallway where Jay's door and the bathroom door faced each other. You could see that his door was not fully shut, only cracked, and light still shined through the cracks.

You stepped towards his door, laying a single hand on the knob before hesitating. Maybe you shouldn't.

Was he still mad at you? Would he be even more mad if you had entered his space uninvited? Why did you even feel the urge to enter anyway?

Fuck it. The most he could do was lecture you as he had a few days prior. Or dismiss you from the group. You'd take your chances. Despite your hesitation you push the door open only enough to peek inside. He's facing away from the doorway sitting at a desk. You choose to knock on the doorframe, alerting him of your presence. He quickly turns his chair to see who was there before waving for you to enter.

"Hey." You're stood awkwardly, waiting for a reply from him. He closes the laptop he had been focused on before you entered. "Hi. Do you need something?" You shift your weight from one foot to the other. "No. I just- Uh, you just said you were tired, but you're not in bed." You internally scold yourself for stumbling on your words so terribly. He cocks his head in confusion.

"I know it's been a rough week. I guess I shouldn't really question why you're not in bed. It's been pretty hard for me to sleep too." You're not lying. You'd laid in bed every night wishing, praying to a god you weren't even sure you believed in, that you could just get a night of good sleep. Your prayers hadn't been answered. He simply nods. Suddenly the air is thick and uncomfortable. It seems like he is just waiting for you to leave. Maybe you should. Why haven't you?

"Are you still pissed at me?"

He sighs and stands from his chair. "No." Then he's closing the distance between the two of you. Your heart is racing. But he simply reaches behind you. "Do you mind if I-" You realize he is trying to shut the door that you had left ajar. "Oh! Yeah. Sorry." Your face is burning. There's no doubt he can see the way the blood has rushed to your face. You shift to the side slightly, allowing him access to the door. "I just don't like for the others to hear these sorts of conversations if I can help it." You shyly nod. He gives a small smile and you feel the way the gesture makes your body feel loosened.

"I'm sorry for the way that I acted a couple of days ago. I shouldn't have let myself get that worked up. It's my responsibility as a leader to keep it together for you guys and I failed that night." It feels good to hear the apology from him. Sure your feelings were hurt. Hurt in the same way it hurts for a parental figure to point out that they are disappointed, not mad. But deep down you knew he meant well, and it felt wrong to leave him to be the only one apologizing. "I'm sorry too. It's also your job as a leader to hold us accountable, so I understand. I didn't mean to act stupid." He smiles. "I suppose there's no way of taking it back for either of us now, so lets call it even." It makes you chuckle. "Thanks."

An awkward silence fills the room before you speak up. "How are you holding up? I mean- It's just been pretty rough for everyone I guess." He places a hand on your shoulder. "I am holding up, and I don't want you up worrying about me. You should get some rest, or at least attempt to have a good time with the others out there." You shook your head. "Cards aren't really my thing. And sleeping hasn't been that great lately either." You meet his slightly concerned gaze. "Talking to you kind of sounds like the best option for me here." You chuckle and shake your head, immediately embarrassed at the words that had just come out of your mouth. Why did you just say that? It must be obvious as he tips your head back up to face him with two fingers under your chin. "It's okay. We can talk." Damn it. That spark in your chest is back.

He is leaning over you so close. Though the fingers have left their place under your chin, you feel your skin burn where they once were. You can smell his cologne so strongly when you're this close. You never really noticed before, then again you kept your distance on purpose. He's your superior. You probably shouldn't be doing this. You can't help but embrace him.

Your face is pressed into his chest. His arms hesitate for a moment before finding their place on your back. The feeling you get is so bittersweet. You've never properly hugged Jay, and you doubt any of the others had either. He's naturally reserved person. In this moment you want nothing more than to peel back his layers. To know what he thinks when he's alone with his thoughts. To know what he thinks when he's alone with you.

You pull away from his embrace, but keep your body pressed close to his. You meet his gaze. He staring down at you, quiet. Neither of you say a word. Your hands have found their way to the back of his neck, twiddling the hairs that curl onto it. Your lips are so close. You can feel his breath on your face. Every part of your brain is yelling at you to stop the interaction. Jay would for sure call it inappropriate. But you found yourself listening to the burning in your heart and stomach as you close the gap between your lips.

It's chaste. You pull back slowly looking at his expression to gage what should happen next. His eyes are half lidded and his mouth sits slightly agape. You feel a sort of fear settle in the pit of your stomach as he does and says nothing. Had you crossed a line that never should've been crossed? But you're swiftly pulled out of the fog of worry by his lips meeting yours once again. He's pressing you closer with a hand on the middle of your back.

You feel like you’re high. Something about the swipe of his tongue across yours is incredibly intoxicating. He tastes oddly sweet. You can't help but feel the urge to taste other parts of him. Suddenly he's walking you backwards until the backs of your legs hit the desk he was previously sat at. It's effortless as he hoists you to sit atop the surface of the desk. He pulls away long enough to meet your eyes. You've seen his eyes when he is relaxed and soft. You've also seen his eyes when he is angry and provoked, but this look is new. It only lasts a split second, but you can see the lust practically dripping from his eyes. It's almost like looking at a wild, hungry animal, starved for food so long that they are willing to do anything for it. It makes the blood pool into your lower half.

The feeling of his teeth grazing your neck is enough to knock a pitiful moan from your throat. You've thrown your head back, hoping to give him more access. You can't help but tangle your fingers into his dark locks, occasionally pulling to hear a low groan from him. His fingers are slowly traveling up your thighs and you're getting antsy. You're so caught up, the only thing on your mind is Jay and the word 'more.' God you need more more more. His hand slides up your thigh and you're a goner when the heel of his palm digs into your core. Your mouth is pressed just next to his ear. You must sound pathetic as you whine his name.

The sound of footsteps down the hall pulls the two of you from the haze. Jay's hands are off of you in a flash as he jumps back, putting significant space between the two of you. You're both practically panting. The only sound in the room is your breathing. The footsteps must have led to the bathroom across the hall, as Jay's room is left unbothered. He runs a hand through his hair and lets out a sigh of exasperation. "Um... I'm sorry. That was..." You trail off.

You hop off the desk and walk past him, laying a hand on the doorknob.

"I'll see you tomorrow."

You walk out of his room and straight to your own. Red eyes you as you walk quickly past the card table. You're sure you'd hear about it later. You immediately shut the door behind you and take a seat on the floor in front of it.

What the hell are you supposed to do now?

3.

Just as you expected, Red is curious the next day.

"Are you okay?"

You're finding it hard to focus on anything. Which is never good in times like the present. You had a job to do and Jay was your leader. It was an inappropriate situation, but what bugged you the most was how seemingly focused and normal Jay had been acting. You turn your attention to Red. "I'm fine. Just watched a video of kitten being used as dog fight bait the other night, how could I not be?" She rolls her eyes. "You never came back last night, and then when you did you looked spooked."

You sigh. Geez...were you that obvious? "I had to talk to Jay about the mission situation, and it's just not particularly easy to talk to him. You know that." She hesitates for a moment as if thinking of what to say. "But you're okay? I'm not gonna have to watch him beat you up too?" You can't help but laugh a little at her comment. K certainly wouldn't approve, but what he didn't know wouldn't kill him. "Everything is fine, Red."

You only lied a little. But it's not like she's never lied to you. Your gaze falls to Jay for a moment. He's dressed more casual than usual, slacks and a white t-shirt. It's nice to see him relaxed.

He's explaining something to Blonde. Something about pinpointing a location. He's pointing out something on paper, maybe a map. As if it's some sick intrusive thought, you think about where his hands had been the previous night. You can still feel the burn of his hand making its way up your thigh. He starts to look up at you. You quickly pull your eyes off of him and turn to busy yourself with something, anything. You're fucked.

4.

You find yourself at Jay's door once again. Blonde had successfully got an update from an insider about the dog fighting ring the group had been watching. The group was set to deploy a rescue mission in the coming days. Who knows what could happen? Ideally everything goes exactly according to the plan. Some animals are rescued, the entire crew makes it out, and nobody is seriously injured. But it's your first mission after the incident that caused Jay's initial lecture, and you've found yourself a little nervous to be back in action.

You weren't getting any sleep at the moment. You'd all gone to bed early in hopes of being well rested, but instead you had laid in bed for a little over an hour with no sign of sleep in the near future. So you made your way to Jay. You'd be lying if you said that he had nothing to do with the reason you were losing sleep. The thought of his lips on yours is sweet but startling. You knock on his door before entering.

For once Jay is sitting in bed. He's awake. You knew he would be, because you know Jay. Even as he keeps his distance from everyone, you catch yourself picking up on his quirks over time. He's changed out of his slacks and now sports some tattered pajama pants. It's different and cute. You slowly shut the door behind you.

"Can't sleep?"

You take a seat on the edge of the bed. "I guess you could say the nerves are getting to me." He hesitates for a second. "But I am supposed to step up as your leader and encourage you. Everything will be fine. We have tackled much bigger things." You sigh. You hated knowing that you're the one causing the nerves tonight. It's never easy getting back into the swing of things after a failed mission, but being the one who caused the failure feels even worse. He's doing what he always does. He's putting his job above how he really feels, he never lets himself feel anything. If he's nervous he will tell the group that he's never been more confident. But you knew better.

"You don't always have to hide the way that you feel. It's okay to be nervous, Jay."

You lay a hand on his arm, much like he had done to you when he apologized for his anger. He's being distant. He almost looks worried to have your hand on his arm. You slowly withdraw. Maybe it was time to pretend about your own feelings. Hypocrite.

"You know- if you're feeling weird about the kiss it's okay. It was my choice and I'm sorry. It was probably way out of line-" He cuts you off. "It was." Although his tone isn't harsh, his words still sting. So he really had regretted it. You stepped over the line. Sure he participated but if you hadn't have started it-

"But I feel good when I think about it."

You can't stop staring at him. Frozen. "What?" He shrugs. "It felt good not to have to be Jay the leader and just be Jay. To do stuff I wanted to do without having to think about the consequences." The words light a small fire inside you for some reason. This is the most honest Jay has ever been with you. It's raw and it's nice. "I'm glad I could help... ease your mind."

He smiles softly and lays a hand on your lower leg that you've pulled up onto the bed. "I'm really nervous about tomorrow, Jay. I know you just said it was nice to not be a leader but I have to let you know I feel uneasy. I don't even know if I'm saying that because I'm looking for advice-" You look up at him. "-I think I just feel oddly comforted by your presence."

He scoots closer to you, legs crossed like a child. You can't help but smile. It's so unlike Jay. Jay was serious, classy, guarded. This side of Jay was open and comforting. He grabs your hand, seemingly in an effort to bring you some sense of feeling grounded. "It will work out. I promise."

There's more to be said. The fear in you rises as you face him. His hair is slightly disheveled. It reminds you of the way it looked after you had jumped apart. Messy from your fingers. Your heart is beating so fast. Why did you want to kiss him so bad? Why did he kiss you back? Did he pity you? Would these feelings ruin the mission? Would these feelings ruin your friendship with Jay? Would these feelings ruin you?

You brush a strand of hair off his forehead and sigh. "I think I am afraid of myself. Of this. I don't regret the kiss and, damn it, I think I want to kiss you again, Jay. And that makes me so scared-" You're stunned by two hands cupping the sides of your face. You can only stare, mouth open a bit in shock. He only stares back, not making a move, as if he tossing thoughts around in his head, weighing his options.

His lips are warm and familiar against yours. The butterflies in your stomach almost make you feel sick, but you compose yourself enough to put one hand on his face and one hand on his shoulder. It doesn't feel like it did that previous night. That night had been pure fire and burning lust. The fire has turned into something blossoming in your stomach and up into your lungs. He pulls away, smiling genuinely. "You can stay in here tonight if it'll calm your nerves. We can talk more when we finish what needs to be done."

5.

The ride in the truck to your destination was tense. You look out the window to see nothing by gravel road and trees. Much to Blonde’s dismay you had questioned whether he had the right location at least 5 times, all of which he had responded with a short “I know what I’m doing, Sweetheart.” You rolled your eyes.

You can’t stop the constant bouncing of your leg. You have to do anything to fill the void where your thoughts could leak in. It made you physically ill to think anymore about the possibilities of what could happen in the next hour. You can see Jay in the front seat next to K, who was driving. The sunlight bounced through the trees and hit his face perfectly. Thinking about the night before was the only thing bringing you any peace at all in your current situation.

His body pressed up against yours. Arm swung over your waist. You had actually gotten some decent sleep. It is still dark in the room, obviously still a few hours out from when you need to be up. You twist your body to face Jay. He’s still asleep, face peacefully relaxed. No furrowed brows or wrinkled skin. He is perfect you think as you brush his hair hair back lightly.

“This is it.” You’re pulled from the memory by Blonde’s voice. As the doors open, there’s…nothing. Just the same trees and dirt road as there was before. “Are you sure this is it? There’s nothing here.” Red questions as soon as her feet hit the dirt ground. “We’ve gotta go through the trees a little ways that way, but we have to stop the truck here or they’ll know we are on ‘em.” Blonde points a finger out into the vast woods.

You lock eyes with Jay. He just nods and steps in front of the group with Blonde as a guide. The woods are damp and humid. It’s not a pleasant trek, but you had definitely experienced worse in your year on the team. It’s quiet, eerily quiet. Just the rustling of your feet against the grass. Until you see it. The barbed wire fence is clear in the distance. You can hear the barking dogs and rustling chain. Jay stops and turns to the group.

“These dogs are trained to fight through drugs and other means. They can be dangerous. Just be careful and follow the plan.”

Your heart hurts at his words as they are a reminder of your fuck up but you don’t have time to dwell on it much as you hear the rustling of grass not far from you and see the flash of a human figure to your left. Fuck. It’s only two men, but they are very clearly armed with deadly weapons. Jay turns to face them, bold and brave as always. “Listen, we are-“

“We don’t care who you are, you’re trespassing.”

Jay stays silent only for a moment, holding his hands out in front of him in a sign of peace, before speaking softly, “Red, go.” And with that Red is zipping past the men and jumping the fence. Blonde and Silver are easily able to take down one of the men, leaving the other to go for Jay who is standing directly in front of him. You can feel the adrenaline pumping through your veins as Jay is knocked to the ground. You hesitate before deciding to engage.

Don’t fuck this up. Don’t fuck this up. Don’t fuck this up.

You’re able to the man off guard for only a split second before the man throws his elbow back. And suddenly everything is black.

There’s a slight ringing in your ears the next time you open your eyes, but you can tell that someone is carrying you. You let yourself slip out of consciousness once more.

“Can you hear me? Open your eyes!”

You can hear the voice before you open your eyes, and suddenly you’re taken back to New York.

Your heart is beating out of your chest. You’re watching from the van as Jay is ambushed by the Black Chalk. You’re trying not to hyperventilate and pass out. Of all the missions that have ended with law enforcement intervention, you have never seen one end this poorly.

Jay is knocked to the ground and you can see the little bits of blood seeping through his white shirt and dripping from his head. They are unrelenting, like a hoard of crows circling and gathering around a dead animal. You try to shake that thought from your head.

“K… K! We have to do something! We have to do something right now, they are gonna kill him!”

And for a moment it feels like you’ve blacked out, but you can remember what you are doing. You’ve just placed your self on autopilot. You’ve tuned out everyone as soon as Jay’s back hit the floor of the truck’s trailer. You’re climbing over him and immediately work at the buttons on his soiled shirt. You don’t even realize that there are tears flowing from your eyes until you start to see the small damp spots begin to leave marks next to the blood that has already stained.

You cradle his head, not caring about the blood that is seeping under your fingernails. “Jay, can you look at me?” His eyes are still closed but you swear you can see a small flutter of his lashes. “Can you hear me? Please open your eyes.” His eyes slowly peel open. He’s looking directly at you and you’ve never felt more relief in your entire life. You gently lay your forehead on his chest.

“Thank God.”

You open your eyes. You can tell you’re in the back of the van. You practically shoot up and that’s when the pain sets in. You hold the side of your head. “Ah shit.”

“You can lay back down.” You turn your head to see Jay at your side. He’s got a scrape on his cheek, but otherwise looks to be intact. You sigh. “Are you okay?” He smiles and nods. You don’t lay down, but turn to face him fully. “Did I fuck it up again?” He places a hand on your shoulder and shakes his head.

“Red got the evidence we needed, and everyone made it out. You got hit pretty hard. You probably have a concussion, so I’ll be be staying with you these next couple of nights.”

You immediately glance forwards at Red who is raising an eyebrow from the front seat. Your cheeks burn as you lay your head back in Jay’s lap for the remainder of the ride home.

6.

Jay does as he said he would and stays with you in the nights. You’ve slept in his bed for the past four nights. Though you realize that it has probably been long enough that you could move back into your room, you don’t want to stop. Jay’s warmth at night has you sleeping better than you have in years. So here you are on your fifth night in Jay’s bed, watching as he strips down to his boxers and climbs into bed with you. It’s starting to feel very domestic the way he bares his skin to you even though you’ve never actually had sex. It still brings a flutter to your abdomen. But in a way you start to feel like you’re taking advantage of him.

“You don’t have to take care of me anymore. I think I’ll be fine on my own.”

He looks at you for a moment, slightly concerned. “Have I made you uncomfortable?” You shake your head. “No, it’s not that, I just feel like I’m taking advantage of you.” He smiles and places a hand on your jaw. “I enjoy your company. I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t got used to you being here every night.” He kisses you for the first time since the night before you’d gotten hurt, and you immediately melt into it. You missed the feeling it gives you. He breaks apart from you just to say, “Why don’t you just stay with me all of the time?” It lights a fire in your stomach.

Before you can stop to think, you are moving to straddle his hips. He gasps slightly, you’ve always been the inferior, he’s always been the one in charge, but you’re the one towering over him now. “I want you.” You can feel the way that his hip buck slightly at your words. “And I’m not just talking about sex. I’m talking about everyday, all of the time.” He just stares up at you, letting you speak.

“You can be the boss during the day, but I want you to come home and just be you at the end of the day.” You roll your hips. “Not Jay the leader or boss or organizer or anything like that. Just Jay.” He looks in absolute awe, a look you’ve never seen from him. For once, he has nothing to say, just slips a hand past your waistband and applies delicious pressure to your core. You swallow the moan that forms in your throat. The last thing you need is to have Red or Silver prying into your sex life in the morning, especially when Jay is involved.

“And if I wanna be the boss at night?” He says it teasingly, and you can’t help but giggle.

“Okay fine, but only sometimes.” You wrap a hand around him under his boxers and he groans. It feels good to be this intimate with someone, especially Jay. So you let yourself go, match his pace, and don’t stop until you’re both soaring over the edge, foreheads pressed together.

You take time to clean each other up and get comfortable back in bed before anyone can ask any questions about what you may have been doing. You lay your head on his chest. You’re so relaxed and everything feels so right for once in your life.

“I thought I was gonna lose you in New York.” It’s random, but the entire experience in the past week sent you soaring back into that headspace. “K probably thought I was crazy or hysterical. I’d never seen you so hurt, and I thought that was it. I think that’s when I knew.” He hugs you closer and presses a kiss to the top of your head.

“I remember you holding the back of my head, I thought that I was dead. I don’t even really know what I believe happens after death, I guess I was just relieved that wherever I was at the time, you were there.”

You smile, content, and throw an arm over his waist.

“Glad we both made it.”

[comfortwriting]

I Hate You - F.W

Masterlist, Requesting Rules, Writing Prompts

Fred Weasley x Fem Reader

Requested/About: Enemies to lovers smut! Fred is constantly getting his classmate into trouble, and Y/N is finding herself spending more of her evenings in detention with him - her hate for him growing. One evening, something out of the ordinary happens between them. 

Warnings: 18+ swearing, mention of blood, smut, fingering, handjob, oral (male receiving), unprotected sex.

"Stop shaking the desk!" you hissed at your transfiguration partner.

Fred smirked and squinted at you "no" he replied, his ego popping out in his voice "if you've got a problem go and sit somewhere else"

You watched Fred waving his wand at the mouse that cowered in front of him, letting out little squeaks each time Fred failed to transform it into a large cotton bud.

How this feud started between the two of you - you couldn't remember - you were past caring. All you know is that Fred hates you, and you hate him, his face pisses you off and your face - your body frustrates him.

He thought about you constantly, almost as if you were invading his mind on purpose just to taunt him - you appeared in his dreams and he couldn't stop it, he couldn't figure out why this was happening - why he would dream of you feeling nothing but hatred, only to wake up with his ejaculate spilling on his bedsheets.

"Don't ask me for any help during potions class, then." You replied, taking out your wand, the mouse suddenly going stiff, then turning round fluffy, losing its legs, ears, facial features, and tail.

Fred scowled at you, poking the cotton bud with the tip of his wand "I wasn't going to" he slouched back in his chair, pulling apart what once was the mouse, grumbling under his breath. "This is kids stuff" he huffed "It's only why you're good at it."

You rolled your eyes and snatched the cotton bud out of his hands, 'Reparo!' putting it back together and transforming the bud back into the innocent, shy, creature that curled up into and started to tremble in your hands.

"Miss Y/L/N, I think your partner can do his own work" Miss McGonagall spoke out, staring down at you whilst walking past your desk "Sit up Mr Weasley!" she hissed at Fred, hurrying to the front of the classroom.  

Fred sighed and sat up grudgingly, "It's alright for you, being a good girl who never makes mistakes, who everyone loves so dearly."

You scoffed and rolled your eyes "you talk so much shit, Fred Weasley!" you huffed "I actually spend my time revising because I actually make mistakes, something I'm sure you've never given the time of day to work on!"

Fred huffed "You sound just like my brother Percy, it's as if he never bloody left!"

Whilst the back and forth continued to unfold between you and Fred, the class was dismissed, everyone leaving - you and Fred didn't notice, too wrapped up in arguing, his brother George and friend Lee stayed behind, watching and enjoying the entertainment.

"Well, you know what!" you raised your voice, picking up your bag and pushing your books inside "sod you! you're on your own next lesson, don't come begging when Snape rips you a new one!" you stood up from your chair and stormed off.

"Nice one Fred" George called out, walking out of the great hall and towards the dungeons "you're going to suffer in there, mate."

Fred pulled a sour face "she's the most obnoxious bitch I've ever met"

Unfortunately for Fred, you were in earshot of his insult "Obnoxious bitch?" you laughed out, catching up to him "lads like you are all the same, threatened by smarter women"

George laughed, bashing Fred in the ribs with his elbow, Fred felt mortified and could feel himself wanting to grab you and shove you against a wall, the thought of doing it however made him feel something he didn't want to admit...

he couldn't

no way

feelings for you? oh please...

Fred rattled his brain, trying hard to shake this intruding feeling out of him, he hates you, love is out of the question, anything intimate is a red flag.

"Well, with what you lack in looks and personality you make up for in IQ, I'm not threatened by you, you're just disgusting to look at and be around. My skiving Snack boxes wouldn't change your appearance you're that bloody ugly." he snapped.

Ugly.

Your heart pained at the word, why? you didn't know, whenever anyone attacked your looks and your body, you didn't care, it meant nothing to you - so why your heart is suddenly hurting did more than baffled you.

Why should you care?

It's not like you're in love with him or anything

You could feel your stomach doing flips, your blood boiling, how dare he!

"it's a shame because your dick will never match the size of your ego, regardless if it's flaccid or hard." You snapped back, pushing past him, bashing into him on purpose, storming towards the dark and dingy dungeons.

Fred went bright red, infuriated that you shamed him in front of his twin, especially for something that he believed determined his value as a man, his blood - like yours, now also boiling.

He wanted to storm after you, grab you by the wrist, pull you into him so you couldn't escape, he wanted to stare down at you whilst demanding an apology, hell, he wanted to show you - show you just how wrong you were.

"Come on now, Freddie" George spoke out, breaking him out of his thoughts "don't let her bother you, all the lasses say shit like that - if you let her get under your skin, she's winning."

she's winning

Fred couldn't and wouldn't allow that to happen, never in a million years - you wouldn't get away with embarrassing him like this, you were in for it, without a clue of what Fred is capable of.

Potions were nothing short of pure hell, you weren't able to switch seats, forced to endure two long hours with Fred who had never looked so angry before, he shot daggers at you, practically seething and speaking through gritted teeth when he needed to look over the ingredients and steps.

"I told you not to bother asking me for help" you snarled, stirring your cauldron, Snape watching the two of you argue in pleasure behind his test papers he should be marking instead.

Fred huffed "Well until you budge over, quit being greedy and let me pick what I need or I'll keep bloody asking!"

You bit your tongue, trying not to swear "Look, you forgot your book, either go and ask Snape if he has a spare or bugger off!"

Fred could feel himself losing his temper, his body temperature increasing, his heart thumping, his fists bunching.

"The two of you will have plenty of time to discuss during detention" Snape spoke, dragging out his words.

You shot Fred an angry look, your eyes widening and your nostrils flaring, Fred looked back at you, shaking his head whilst your Professor walked away, causing the two of you to argue even more.

"Look what you've done now! Thanks a lot!" you raised your voice, stirring your cauldron so angrily, specks of dark amber liquid splashed onto the desk and your skirt, hissing away.

Fred scoffed and stood up, snatching your book away from you, gripping it in his hand "What I've done?" he shook his head "You've caused this!"

"One more word and one detention will become a week's worth," Snape warned.

"Caused what?" You stood up, puffing out your chest "I haven't done anything! You're just an idiot, a dumb idiot who is jealous because I'm going somewhere in life and you aren't because you're fucking stupid!" You yelled, the whole room becoming silent.

Fred stared at you, his heart hurting, he wanted to cry.

idiot, dumb, fucking stupid, going nowhere in life.

"You're a fucking bitch, who everyone laughs at, who everyone thinks is a loser!" He yelled back.

These two weeks of detention would change everything and the two of you had no idea.

Arriving early in the Hospital Wing which surprisingly had empty beds that had been stripped from their bedding, Madame Pomfrey waved you over to her, a forced smile spreading across her face.

"You're rather early"

"I know" you sighed "It's to make up for Fred being late" you grumbled, the thought of hours with him this evening making your head pound.

"Well," Madam Pomfrey wandered around the hospital wings, laying out dirty bedsheets, pillowcases, pyjamas, empty dishes, and medicine bottles "the two of you - when he arrives - will be cleaning everything, without magic" she emphasised that last part, "I thought I'd be rather easy on you this time, you won't be scrubbing any bedpans this week."

You nodded, realising that she wouldn't be sticking around to watch you or Fred, you walked up to the long table and popped on the large purple rubber gloves, sitting down on the stool, waiting for your nightmare to turn up.

"You can only start when he arrives" Madame Pomfrey reminded you "Whatever you can't finish, you'll do tomorrow, and if there are any patients, you'll have extra work." She walked out of the hospital wing, leaving you behind, the waiting game beginning.

Two hours passed by, two long and dreadfully boring hours, you stared at Fred's matching purple gloves, itching to just get started and clean up; but you couldn't.

Instead, you filled the large bucket with laundry detergent, there was no point in adding any hot water, it would be left to cool anyway if Fred didn't show up soon.

Fred waltzed in, laughing and waving goodbye to his twin, shutting the door behind him. His face dropped when he met your eyes, he noticed your gloves and smirked, laughing lightly "you look ridiculous."

"I don't care what you think," you snapped "You're two hours late, everything just piles up you know, it doesn't just go away."

Fred pulled out the wand from his pocket "Oh come off it, love."

Love?!

Fred fell quiet, he felt embarrassed, mortified, and you stared at him confused, horrified even, your eyebrows knitted together. You brushed his mistake aside, knowing that pulling him up about it would just strengthen the argument.

"We can't use magic." You pointed to the line of buckets, sponges, scrubbers, mop, and broom "Everything has to be done by hand, the muggle way."

Fred's face fell, even more, something you thought wasn't possible, you picked up his matching purple rubber gloves and threw them at him "put them on."

Fred wanted to argue, but he couldn't, he didn't know what to say - the feelings inside of him confusing him, making him question everything, he felt sick, he could feel a strange fluttering inside of his stomach, something he only felt when he was in love.

Why was he feeling this now? How was he such a thing... love for you? He hates you.

Fred caught the rubber gloves and put them on, not saying a word. You filled up the empty buckets with warm water, the cleaning liquid making the water foam up with bubbles.

"You sweep" you passed him the boom "I'll mop after you've done, we'll take turns washing the bedding, pyjamas, dishes and bottles."

Fred's hate for you suddenly went through another wave, the fire igniting in his belly, he snatched the broom from you. "Just shut up and let's get on with it." He snapped, starting to sweep the dusty, grimey floor.

You walked away from him and sat down, huffing so the hair in your face moved away over your head, you placed the bucket on your lap, grabbed the pyjama shirt and laundry stain remover soap and started to scrub, focusing hard on the fresh spots of blood.

"I wasn't the one who turned up two hours late," you muttered under your breath, scrubbing the shirt harder, the red liquid slowly getting lighter.

Fred had swept the majority of the floor, he looked over at you, stopped sweeping and glared.

"Shut up," he grumbled

You grinned, the sight of him in purple gloves making you burst out into laughter.

"You look ridiculous" you laughed, dunking the pyjama shirt into the warm water, the stain finally lifting and ready to dry.

Fred dropped the broom, its long wooden handle clanked against the floor, you looked up at him as he stormed over to you, pulling off his gloves and throwing them across the room.

The way he walked with the expression on his face made you flutter, your crotch heating up and getting excited as he inched closer and closer to you, his hands now gripping on the table. You sighed and placed the bucket on the table, squeezing the water out of the pyjama top and handing it up to dry, Fred still staring at you.

You turned around, looking into his gorgeous brown eyes, sighing and pulling off your rubber gloves, setting them down on the table.

"What?"

"Don't what me."

"Well stop staring!"

Fred pushed the buckets of water off the table angrily, the water splashing as the buckets collided with the swept floor, the foamy and suddy water spilling everywhere.

"What was that for!" you yelled.

Fred reached out for you over the table and pulled you into him, he couldn't take it anymore, he couldn't ignore these feelings, his feelings, his wants, his needs, he couldn't deny himself of you anymore. When his lips crashed against yours, something that you couldn't describe clicked, like the missing piece to a puzzle, and you kissed back.

The kiss was hungry, passionate, lustful, and the two of you just wanted to fuck.

Your hands got lost in his hair, pulling at it as Fred gripped onto your waist, both of you now mounting the table, the dishes, bottles, bedding, and pyjamas fell on the floor, absorbing the water.

Moaning against his lips, Fred's hands pulled at your top, you moved your hands away from his hair and lifted your arms up, your top being pulled up before falling to the floor, being soaked by the water. The sight of you in your bra made Fred's face heat up and go red, he quickly unfastened your bra, unable to control himself.

He took your breast into his mouth, sucking your nipple, you lolled your head back and moaned, one of your hands held his gentle face as he sucked, the other fell down to his trousers, slowly undoing the buttons and pulling down his zipper. Your hand sneaked underneath the waistband of his boxers and you took hold of his erect length - you were wrong - his cock was as big as his ego, and you knew when you were able to look at it, it would be even bigger.

Fred's free hand dived under your skirt and went into your underwear, whilst wanking him off his index circled around your entrance hole - you were so wet, the thought of being this close to him usually repulsed you - but right now, you wanted nothing more than him inside of you, fucking you as much as he hated you.

His index finger slowly pushed inside of you, you moaned out and tugged on his cock harder, he started to finger you faster, knowing part of him was inside you made you so wet, and got you so excited. Fred added his middle finger, now pumping them faster as your walls tightened around his fingers, he pulled off your red and saliva coated nipple and attacked your neck with kisses, then sucking, leaving his marks all over you.

Fred pushed you down on your back so your body was now pressed against the cool table, he continued to finger fuck you, you pulled down his trousers and boxers with both hands, already missing the feeling of his throbbing cock filling one of them. You glanced down - you were definitely wrong - his length was large, definitely outshining his ego.

"You wanted me to shut up, didn't you?" you asked Fred, he pulled away from sucking on your neck, a confused expression formed on his face.

"Is that what you want?" he smirked, catching on "you want me to shut you up with my cock?" he withdrew his fingers, now coated with your juices, sucking them clean.

Fred leaned back, taking his cock in his hand "go on then" he encouraged you "suck my cock."

"Make me."

Fred grabbed you by the hair - but not roughly or too hard - you were actually quite surprised by his gentleness. You were on your knees now, sucking Fred's large length, choking on it as you went down deeper and deeper, taking more of him in your mouth.

Fred loved the sight of you sucking him off, the sight of your mouth being so full you couldn't say something stupid, the sound of you choking made him happy, he was finally shutting you up - but part of him didn't want to shut you up, he wanted to listen to you speaking about your interests, your hobbies, what you thought of Hogsmeade and Zonko's Joke Shop.

This part of him pulled you off him, you caught your breath and wiped away the laces of saliva that were hanging from your mouth, swinging as you moved back with the back of your hand. Fred pulled you into a kiss, this time it wasn't lustful, it was gentle, caring, soft - it made your heart skip a beat and it made you weak at the knees.

Once more, your back was against the table, Fred pulled down your skirt and knickers whilst still kissing you, your hands back in his hair, massaging his scalp, Fred propped your legs around his hips, you pulled him closer to you.

Fred grabbed out a condom, but you stopped him.

"Don't bother with that crap" you sighed, wanting him inside you already "I'm on the pill."

Fred nodded, confident that this would be enough, and he applied lube onto his length.

You wondered why he had brought condoms and a sache of lube, Fred didn't know why - he never usually carried these items, but after weeks of the same dreams that he couldn't explain - that small part of him kept telling him, over and over to bring it.

Fred looked into your eyes, searching for your permission, you nodded your head.

"I'm ready, Freddie." you breathed.

Freddie.

He had never expected you - of all people - to call him that, but he liked it, and he hoped that he could hear it again.

Fred rubbed his erect length against your folds teasingly, and then slowly pushed himself inside of you, the two of you moaned and exhaled - he felt amazing - stretching you out, and your walls felt amazing - tightening around him. He started to fuck you faster, his large length plunging deeper inside of you as he bucked his hips, your legs tightened around him, as did your walls, your hands now resting on his back, your fingernails digging into him leaving marks of your own.

His moans were beautiful - perhaps the most beautiful thing you had ever heard. How could you hate him? How could you be so mean to him, insult him, mock him and shame him, he was perfect, everything about him - your heart now reaching out to his - how could you be so wrong?

You didn't hate him, you were madly in love with him.

Fred couldn't take his eyes off you and your body - the perfect shape and size of your breasts, your tummy, the feeling of your insides engulfing him in warmth, your gorgeous eyes staring into his, the feeling of your fingers tips gliding over his back, then your fingernails scratching him.

Fred felt stupid, he felt awful for what he said to you - the way he treated you - calling you ugly - you were far from such a thing. This moment felt better and meant more than any dream he ever had - this was real, this was the moment he had been waiting for - his heart finally finding yours.

"Fuck!" you moaned out, reaching the edge "Please don't stop, fuck me, I want to cum!" you wailed.

Fred couldn't stop, he didn't want to, even if he was getting tired and over working himself.

He continued to fuck you, feeling himself getting close, you lolled your head back, your eyes rolling in the back of your head and released - your cum spilling onto his length, your moans filling the hospital wing. Your orgasm face pushed Fred over the edge, he spilt himself inside you and collapsed, holding you in his arms.

The two of you said nothing, you were trying to make sense of this all, and you were in trouble - after tonight, you would have a lot of explaining to do - not just to one another, but to Madame Pomfrey who would be back in half an hour.

After coming to, Fred pulled out his wand and dried your clothes, so toastie to put back on. You started to mop the floor as Fred speedily washed the pillow cases and bed sheets, hanging them up to dry, then starting on the dishes. With the floor sparkling clean, you joined him, cleaning and rinsing the bottles.

"You're not an idiot" You spoke out, breaking the awkward silence "You're not dumb either, and I don't doubt that you're going to go far in life."

This meant a lot to Fred, it made him feel secure.

"You're not ugly" Fred replied, scrubbing another bowl "You're not an obnoxious bitch."

Looking up at Fred, into his deep brown eyes, your pursed your lips for a moment.

"I don't hate you."

"I don't either."

"I don't want to hate you, I-"

"I feel things for you too, Y/N."

Madame Pomfrey burst through the door, staring at the rows of dirty bowls and bottles that needed cleaning.

"Looks like you two will be back here tomorrow!"

You and Fred shared a glance, smiling, with a flush of pink across your cheeks.

These two weeks were the start of something special.

Taglist: @amourtentiaa @alwaysnforeverfangirl @reeophidian @inglourious-imagines @horrorxweasley @sebby-staan @onlyfreds @lucymfer @escapingrealitybyreading @freddiemylovelg @pandaxnienke @xmalfoyweasleyx

[missinghan]

cold sun ⤖ han jisung

❖ genre : soulmate au; fluff; angst

❖ word count : 2,6k.

❖ warning : slight swearing

❖ summary : in a world where one will lose something if their soulmate doesn’t reciprocate their words of love once they turn sixteen, jisung is willing to take the risk so you won’t have to bear the burden.

❖ note : i just realized how i always tend to write for jisung when i'm down :')) anywho this piece is a little different than what i usually come up with but i hope y'all enjoy it ♡

It’s the first day of the week.

“Hey, Y/N. I like you!”

And Han Jisung is really annoying.

Those words come out so easily. It's casual in a way that makes you bury your red nose deeper into the soft fabric of your scarf, which makes your footsteps quicken unknowingly as his voice chases after you loudly. Either way, this isn’t the first time Jisung has said so. In fact, it’s become a habit for him to remind you every other day.

There’s no particular reason why. Or at least that’s what you think.

It’s the end of the week. Jisung decides to hang himself upside down on your bed while you’re stressing over a presentation. “Hey, Y/N.” A cold winter breeze comes rushing against the perplexing glass of your window, shaking the frame violently before all motions come to silence.

Until, “Y/N, Y/N, Y/N,” he creeps up from behind you and chirps into your ear.

“What?” you let out a groan of displease when tempting warmth embraces you whole, prompting you to drop your attention and looking over your shoulder.

Jisung pouts, “You didn’t answer me.”

“It’s because you’re annoying,” you sigh.

“Answer me when I call your name,” he pulls you in a fraction tighter, careful enough not to hurt you but firm to not let you slip away at the same time, and cradles your neck warmly, “So I’d know that you’re still here with me.”

“Alright, stupid.”

The all too familiar gummy smile returns instantly. “Hey, Y/N?”

And you can’t help but roll your eyes. “Yes, Jisung?”

“I like you,” he giggles into the hug, “I like you a lot.”

Han Jisung really is annoying.

He’s annoying because he talks too much. He’s annoying because of how he always asks for your notes after a gaming night with Felix just to nap in class. He’s annoying because he’d drop you in a heartbeat for a single slice of cheesecake from Jeongin’s mom’s bakery. He’s annoying because of how well he can get along with everyone.

Chatty, down-to-earth, easy-going with a lovable smile—attractive, very attractive.

It’s the week after that. “What...happened?”

“He lost his voice,” Jeongin sighs, looking like he genuinely wants to facepalm himself against concrete while walking with an incoherent Jisung to school; expressive hands with his mouth agape and all.

You tilt your head, “...for real?”

“For real.”

After a few seconds of eyeing Jisung struggling with converting what’s in his head, you exhale deeply and quickly rummage through your backpack, “Just stop, you look ridiculous.” And he does just that, zipping his mouth metaphorically and giving you those typical puppy eyes. “Here, use this.”

His eyes light up like stars when you rip off a page from one of your notebooks and offer it to him along with a pen. Truth is, you’re expecting something as predictable as ‘I like you’ or ‘It’s alright it’s just the worst cold I’ve ever caught’. But then, what’s displayed on the piece of paper right now only baffles you.

Park is going to murder you if he sees some uglyass tear in your Ochem notes :)

A forced grin splits your lips open. “Not if I murdered you first and then the entire school and then myself.”

The first genuine smile blossoms on his lips when you give him a mini-sized notepad and pencil the day after—his sixteenth birthday.

And Jisung decides this is it.

It happens when the sun hasn’t even come out yet and the irritating blue light from his phone reads 5:32 AM.

It happens when he sees your reclined figure leaning back against his mattress, his pupils tracing your delicate features. Perplexed emotions fill his eyes to the brim, fulfillment bursting within his chest when you stare right back at him with such purity. So pure that it seems you can do no harm to him and neither can he.

“Hey stupid,” you murmur quietly, shoving a notepad and pencil against his chest, “Happy birthday.”

Jisung gives you a bright smile, opens his mouth, and snaps it close mere moments later. Sixteenth birthday. Early in the morning. Tired grins. The fondness of being so disgustingly in love.

He can’t help but lean in and caves into the taste his soul has longed for as long as he can remember.

Two weeks have passed since Jisung has lost his voice.

Nothing has differed if you’re being completely honest. Han Jisung is still annoying. His lack of ability to speak doesn’t appear to be a problem to him at all. He loves chatting with people even though he’s more of a listener now. But with the small notepad you gave him a few days ago, being socially active is the norm for him even now.

Thanks to his rather short-period experiences of observing people’s expressions and how their features contort in certain ways when they’re feeling certain emotions, Jisung catches onto your mood more quickly during bad days to help you release your inner turmoil by scribbling down something stupid on the notepad. It’s kinda nice like this, you’d think to yourself sometimes.

Other times, you’re more scared that you might have forgotten what his voice sounds like.

“No wonder you got a fucking cold. Stop taking midnight showers already.”

You wave Jisung over when he closes the wooden door to your bedroom, droplets dripping from his hair as he scratches his stomach tiredly. His hair is a mess when he lazily crawls onto your bed, the cushion beside you dips slightly.

His index finger pointing at his post-shower head and a shit-eating grin are all you need to snatch the white towel around his neck.

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed,” you mumble while rubbing the cotton fabric into his hair, “But you’re awfully upbeat for someone who’s lost their voice. Can’t you at least pretend to be sad about it?”

A noise of protest escapes his throat like second nature as your eyes carefully read the quick movements of his mouth. “And can you not be so mean to someone who’s lost their voice?”

A faint smirk creeps its way up to your lips. “Still like me now?”

Jisung thinks hard for a few moments before jumping out of bed to snatch his notepad from your studying area. Of course, I like you. I like you a lot. Your heartbeat momentarily spikes at his scrawny handwriting. Just when your gaze is averted away to cool the blush on your cheeks, he tugs at your sleeve again and points at a different mess of scribbles. You’re more gentle when I’m like this. And you’d always find me if I ever got into trouble. What’s there for me to be sad about?

“Annoying little shit,” you swallow your pride and let him settle his head against your chest.

His presence melts into yours during the hardest hours of the twenty-four, heartbeats on heartbeats and warmth on warmth. Your one regret is that you’re unable to register his tears that night, only the incoherent, breathless hiccups almost as to desperately call out your name.

It’s been a month since Jisung’s lost his voice. And the night when he kisses you for the second time, his notepad is long forgotten next to your pillow.

I-can’t-talk. Give-me-a-break.

Jeongin. Cheesecake. Please? Pretty please?

I’ll fucking kick you.

Wait, there’s homework?!

...so you’re telling me LMAO isn’t how French people laugh?

“This is what you’ve been doing during breaks huh…” you mumble under your breath while lazily flipping through the papers. The occasional ‘I like you’-s do pop up every two pages or so, which is more than enough to make you smile like an idiot. But that is until a peculiar paragraph yanks your attention by its neck and tosses it against a brick wall.

Mom, promise me you’re not going to cry.

He made auntie cry?!

I lost my voice for real now but it wasn’t supposed to be like that at first. I just wanted to mess with Y/N and freak her out for a day.

I’m seriously going to punch him.

She was a lot softer toward me after that, you know. I know it’s extremely selfish of me but I just can’t help being so happy. I’m sorry, mom. I really am.

Han Jisung you fucking idiot.

I was going to surprise her on my birthday by saying ‘good morning’ out loud but nothing came out. My voice was gone.

Guilt, anger, remorse take over you. You knew nothing of this. You never once questioned for a logical reason behind the loss of his voice and kept moving onward as if it’s not that big of a deal. You didn’t suspect it as a kind of prank, either. But you still care, all this time! You have been doing everything in your power as a way for both you and Jisung to treasure himself even if he can’t speak anymore.

I went to a check-up last week. Nothing came up. I’m sorry. Please don’t cry.

However, without fail, the obnoxious part of you will keep wandering back to the concept of soulmates that has been engraved so deeply into the society you’re living in. It makes no sense to you that Jisung lost his voice for no reason right before his sixteenth birthday. This explains it all now.

It’s going to be okay, mom. Because I have Y/N. I know she would come running toward my side over and over again even if she can’t hear me anymore. I really don’t know what I’d do without her in my life.

Jisung knew the penalty for being the first to exchange any words of love yet he still did it. And you were too busy overlooking that stupid pride of yours to say those three words back.

It’s getting to the point where I’m starting to forget what I used to sound like. I’m sorry. Please don’t cry.

Jisung fixes the strap of his backpack, looking up at his mom after slipping into his sneakers. She ruffles his bed head and hands him a small white box with Jeongin’s bakery’s signature logo on it.

He tilts his head in faint confusion, peering at the box of pastry in his arms.

“Give it to Y/N on the bus, okay? Her parents aren’t home right now. You know how she would always skip breakfast when they’re out of town.”

His eyes light up instantly in realization and Jisung nods, preparing to bid her farewell. Just then, his front door comes flying open. It can’t be a mere acquaintance because there are very few people other than his parents and himself who know of the spare key hidden under the welcome mat.

As Jisung turns around, he’s keenly aware of your teary eyes already trained on him. Which in hindsight, makes no sense. As a result, panic rises within the hollowness of his chest, his lips falling agape but no coherent words come out.

“Y/N, sweetheart,” his mom flinches, slightly caught off guard, “Is everything okay?”

A scowl stretches over your contorted features as you shut the door loudly. “What the hell is this?” you question, shoving the familiar notepad into his chest. “A prank? A prank?! Do you think that this is funny?”

Jisung’s frantic eyes move to read the paper and every single color on his face drains tremendously. He easily recognizes the peculiar paragraph by how much lighter the ink is compared to the rest of the messy lines because his pen was running low and his hand couldn’t stop shaking.

Your voice.

His eyes avert back to look at you. His brows furrow timidly and shaky breaths burst from his lips almost like a desperate cry for help. There’s too much he wants to say, too many things to explain, and too many questions running through his head that he can’t process what to do next. He might just overwhelm both you and himself.

I need to hear it again.

And you might not stay by his side this time.

“Okay, don’t answer me then, I guess,” you chuckle lowly, dipping your head and turning around.

Jisung grabs at your sleeve instinctively and drops the pastry box, his gaze empty and all too knowing. Sorrow glazes over his starry eyes when it starts becoming hard to breathe properly. The outlines of his lips are moving non-stop yet nothing comes following after that.

“I don’t know what you’re saying,” you rasp out and tug at his hand. Then it hits you. He’s like this because of you. Jisung lost his voice because of you.

His mom cuts into the conversation, “Y/N, you don’t understand!”

“I’m sorry, auntie,” you smile sadly and take off running into the streets.

You, in the midst of your self-loathing and guilt, allow your feet to go wherever they want as your vision spirals into a blur. A single droplet threatens to fall when a forceful hand yanks you back to reality.

It takes Jisung a moment to regain his regular breathing pace. And when he finally gets it, all he can do is call out to you with the same inaudible sounds and the same desperation in his eyes. It seems as though he’s fully aware that the prank was the stupidest, most irrational thing he’s ever done. But there’s more to the ocean within his eyes than just remorse.

“I already told you,” you clench your jaw and slap his hand away, “I don’t fucking know what you’re saying!”

A deep sigh. “Why am I mad? Of course, I’d be mad! It’s because of me that you lost your voice! It’s because I like you, too! Yet I never said it back… You lost your voice because of me! Don't you get it? Why can't you just hate me for the sake of it?!”

You miss his voice. You miss it a lot.

You want to hear it again. You want to hear him call you by your name. You want to stay up late and talk about anything to the ends of the Earth and back with him. You want him to be the obnoxious, chatty Han Jisung you've always known.

You miss how annoyingly loud he is.

“Y-Y...Y/N…!”

Jisung collapses onto his knees, a hand on concrete while the other is on his neck. His chest rises and falls unevenly, muffled noises of discomfort echoing deep down from his throat. Despite that, what you heard just now, is his voice.

“Answer me when I call your name. So I’d know that you’re still here with me.”

“I promised you, didn’t I,” you spread your arms and smile warmly, “That I’d always answer when you call my name. As long as I can still hear you, I will come running toward you over and over again. Doesn’t matter what it takes, doesn’t matter where you are.”

Jisung lifts his head and tears come rolling down on his cheeks. His throat feels swollen when he stutters with difficulties, trying to convey what’s in his head, “Y-Y/N, don’t- don’t go! Please don’t leave me...!”

“Come here,” you close your eyes with the widest grin on your lips, “I’m not going anywhere.”

Only when Jisung grows closer and throws his arms around you, sobbing into your uniform do you convince yourself that all of this isn’t a hallucination. The hug is a lot stronger than what you’d expect. First of all, you nearly fell over from the impact and your arms are pinned so tightly to your sides that you feel like your ribs are going to snap.

Everything is so overwhelming that all you can say is, “Ow.”

“Sorry,” he mumbles into your hair and loosens his arms a bit so you can loop your hands to the nape of his neck and hair.

“You’re so annoying, Han Jisung.”

He purses his lips, sniffling, “You tried to make me snap on purpose. Meanie.”

You quirk a playful brow, “Still like me now?”

“Yeah,” Jisung smiles, “A lot.”

Because he knows that he has you. Until every last star in the galaxy explodes as a supernova, Jisung has you.

[football-writing]

Jack Grealish - real smooth

Note: I haven't seen the david and liza vid that this request was based on, and I have the attention span of fresh gravy so I didn't watch it either lmao. But I had a bit of an idea in mind for this more like Mason's fifa forfeit vid with Chunkz (let's be honest that vid was hilarious I still watch it sometimes for laughs lmao) anyway I hope that's okay. Also this features other players too bc why not

Warnings: contains some curse words probably, slight mentions of sexy times at the end, also I have no idea how waxing actually works as my only knowledge comes from that Mason vid so,, this is probably not accurate sorry xoxo

Hope you enjoy babes x

It wasn't unusual for Jack to invite some of his friends over whenever he had a day off. In fact, his days off were usually spend either with you or with his friends, most often opting for eating out with you before getting back and playing fifa with the boys for well past midnight. Today was no different. You had occupied yourself with a book and and cup of tea in your shared bedroom, while Jack was downstairs with his friends playing fifa. Their yelling and laughter could be heard even from behind the closed bedroom door. Not that it bothered you too much: as long as they were having fun and cleaning up after themselves once they left, it was fine by you.

However, it surprised you to hear footsteps coming up to the stairs, then down the hallway to your room. They had everything they needed downstairs, and never before had they bothered you upstairs, so why would they now?

A knock sounded on your bedroom door and you yelled out a quick 'yeah' as you closed your book and sat up on the bed, curious as to what it was they needed.

"Hey angel." Jack said as his head popped through the door before making his way into your bedroom, sitting down defeatedly onto the edge of your bed. He had a slight pout on his face, and bit his bottom lip nervously as he looked at you.

"What's wrong, baby? Please tell me you didn't break anything down there." You said, a stern look plastered on your face.

"No, no, it's nothing like that. It's just- uhm." He hesitated as he looked down, playing with the hem of his shirt instead of maintaining eye contact with you. Worry took over your features. What was he up to now?

"We were playing fifa forfeit, right. And Ben said I had to wax my legs if I lost-"

"Oh my god, Jack!" A releaved sigh left her lips. It was never gonna be anything serious with these boys anyway. She should've known better. "Did you lose, though? Please tell me you did."

He only nodded in response, and she let out a squeel as she fell back on the bed.

"That's hilarious, I was worried there for a second, but this is great."

"Don't get too excited. The boys asked if I'd ask you if you had any wax. But I just came up here to chat for a bit and then I'll go back down saying you didn't."

"Now, why would you do that?" She said as she looked at him with raised brows, challenging him.

"You know, I actually do have some strips left, I'd be more than happy to wax your legs. Besides, a bet is a bet, Jack. You can't just back down now." She smiled thriumphantly and he groaned in response.

"Why won't you just have my back with this?"

"Oh, I can wax your back too, no problem."

"Not what I meant sweetheart."

"I know." She smiled cheekily as she leaned forward to kiss his cheek, before telling him she'd be downstairs in a bit with all the necessities to wax his legs.

"Hey boys!" She hollered as she rushed down the stairs with her wax kit, the boys looking up at her. Jack was already sitting on the chaise longue with his legs up. His shorts ridden up a bit more than usual to expose his muscular thighs. The others sitting next to him on the couch, ready for the action that was about to unfold.

"Ready, babe?" She wiggled her eyebrows at him as she sat down her kit.

"Oh I sure am!" Ben replied with a big boyish smile on his face.

"I'm sure you are, Ben." She chuckled as she ruffled his hair. He'd usually have it gelled back whenever he had a game, but kept it natural and curly when he came around theirs. It was her favourite look of his, perhaps partly because she could mess with his hair more easily.

"I remember when I had this done, hurts like hell. Good luck bro!" Mason interjected, patting Jack's shoulder in mock-sympathy.

"Yeah, I cannot wait to see you cry like a baby. I love you for coming up with this, Ben."

"Babe!" He whined. "You're supposed to support me here."

"Well I am supporting you, I'm the one waxing you. Trust me, you do not want to have this done by someone who has no idea what they're doing." You said as you warmed up a few strips of wax between your hands.

"Seconded." Declan replied with a serious face. Everyone looked at him in confusion; he had never told them about getting waxed before, but it sounded like an intriguing story.

"I'm not even gonna ask, mate." Jack said. Horror stories would not make this experience any more bearable for him. It left Dec pretending to be upset, eager to tell the - no doubt ridiculous - story.

"Alright, I'm gonna get these on." You interrupted their banter, tearing the strip to reveal the sticky substance underneath.

She put the strips on his leg as the boys chatted away. Just as she was putting the fourth strip on, Jack swatted her hand away.

"You have to put all those on?" He questioned her.

"Well the forfeit did say 'legs'. As in, both legs. Completely." Declan argued.

"I did say that. But that's a bit too harsh innit?"

"Yeah, there's already three strips on now, let's see how he gets through those first." Mason offered.

"Will hurt like hell with that much hair." Declan hit Jack's leg for emphasis.

"No doubt." You laughed as you smoothed out the strips once more.

"Ready, Jack?" You asked as you hold the edge of one of the strips, ready to pull it off.

"Wait, wait I gotta film this!" Declan was quick to exclaim as he took out his phone, much to Jack's dismay, who had his hands in front of his face as he waits for the inevitable pain of ripping off the strips.

"Alright, 3. 2. 1!" The boys count down in unison as you rip off the first strip.

"Jesus, Y/N!" An array of curses leave Jack's mouth as he yelps, gripping his leg in pain, his eyes wide with shock. Clearly he had underestimated how much this was really going to hurt, which has all of you rolling over with laughter. Mason is gripping his stomach as he's sitting on the floor, barely able to breathe between his giggles. You're trying to ease Jack's mind and soothingly rub the sensitive skin on his leg, but you're shaking too much from the laughter leaving your lips.

"Oh my lord, and look at the hair that's come off!" Declan hollers as he takes a step closer to properly film the strip that was, indeed, covered in Jack's leg hair. You held it up for the camera as you shrieked at the sheer amount of hair. It's like a lion's mane got glued on the strip.

"Jeez, Jack, you hairy lad." Declan laughs, which earns a grumble from dissatisfied boy. You're pretty sure if Dec wasn't responsible for filming the whole ordeal, he'd be on the ground just as Mason was.

"Oi, what are you crying for, mate? I'm the one in pain here." Jack points a finger accusingly at Ben, and when you turn around you see he has tears in his eyes, breathing coming out in desperate gasps as he shakes his head no, signalling he can't take any more of this banter. It seemed like everyone had at least slightly calmed down, but looking at Ben made everyone burst out in laughter yet again. Mason had tears streaming down his face now too, and you're sure he might piss his pants if he laughs any louder. It even makes Jack chuckle.

"Just get it over with, alright. I don't wanna be in pain any longer." Jack asks you nonetheless, guiding your hand to one of the other strips.

"It can't be that bad." Ben's voice is higher than usual from his earlier laughing fit, but he's wiping the tears from his eyes as he seems to have calmed down considerably. Mason can only nod in confirmation, still unable to form words without giggling.

"I have no problem waxing you lot too, babes." You smile up cheekily at them, which results in loud protests from the boys.

"Now that I would love to see." Jack replies, before looking down at his leg and rubbing the spot that was now rid of any hairs. "Perhaps this would be funnier if there weren't two other strips on me leg." He sighed in despair, staring at his leg with sad eyes. It made you chuckle, but seeing Jack's stern look dericted at you, you quickly focused on the task at hand.

"Alright, next one Jack."

"Lord have mercy."

The next strips don't have any other effect than the first one. It sends all of you rolling on the floor laughing, and Jack with tears in his eyes and red skin on his leg. Dec leaves the room at one point because he genuinely can't breathe, and Mason has to sprint to the bathroom, like you predicted. Meanwhile your hands get shakier and shakier from laughing, and you can barely see what you're doing due to the tears prickling at the corner of your eyes. Jack's decided to rip the last strip off himself, and you're shrieking with laughter as he pulls at it but chickens out from the pain, resulting in it only coming off halfway. When it is finally off, and all the hairy strips are disposed of, everyone slowly but certainly calms down. You're getting some lotion from upstairs to soothe the stinging, and when Ben orders pizza, it all seems long gone.

Yet when you're watching tv, and Mason steals a sneaky glance at Dec, the both can't help but try - and fail - to surpress their giggles.

It's how the rest of the night continued until the three other boys finally left in the late hours of the night.

"I'll clean, love. Get in bed and I'll see you in a bit, yeah?" Jack's offering once they're gone, and you're accepting gratefully as you kiss his cheek. The night was fun, but the laughing fits had you beyond tired.

So when Jack slips into bed next to you, you're already in bed with your eyes closed, dozing off.

"Hey, babe."

"Hm?" You mumble as you open your eyes at Jack's whisper.

"Wanna feel my leg?" He asks, but he's already draping his freshly waxed leg over your legs, wiggling his eyebrows at you.

You've known the guy long enough to know that he won't stop bothering you if you decline, and the request makes you think of the many times you've asked him to feel your legs after - finally - shaving them again.

So you decide to humour him and softly carress his smooth leg.

"Feels pretty good, huh?" His voice cocky as he questions you.

"Sure, real smooth Jack."

"Wanna have sex with a sexy smooth beast like that?"

You snort loudly at his inappropriate request, shoving his leg off of you in a joking manner.

"Oh come on, don't tell me I went through all that for nothing!" He exclaims in agony.

"No, you went through all that because you suck at Fifa." You deadpan as you grin at him.

His eyes are darker as he watches you intently, and the knowing smirk on your face makes you apprehensive of what he's up to now. He's moving closer, hovering over you and effectively trapping you as his muscular arms hold himself up on either side of you. And next thing you know, he's placing a soft kiss on the corner of your mouth, before trailing down to your jaw. A gasp involuntarily leaves your lips as he nibbles at your earlobe.

"You know with how soft my leg is and all." He starts to whisper in your ear. His voice is husky and smooth - and normally you know what it means. But you have no clue where he's going with this sentence. "Would you mind if I-" And he's pausing again for dramatic effect as his lips graze over your hot skin. "Slitherin." He finally whispers in your ear, accentuating the 's'.

And just like that, you're back rolling over with laughter just like you had been that very afternoon.

[imamotherfuckingstar-lord]

Next to You

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warning: angst/fluff.

a/n: GIF requested by @captain-pikas-world​ . I haven't written much since my dad passed in December. This is my attempt to get back into it. Hope you enjoy.

The air is heavy, it always feels heavy to Bucky as he steps out into the world. Every time, his breath is slacked with nerves trapped at the tip of his tongue. He eases towards the crowd of people, everyone gathering near the lake. His eyes moves around to each face, his instinct is to look for Sam. His best friend now, the person who has pushed him further than he thought he could go. It would be a lie to say the pair had an easy start, it was rough but like the leaves underneath his boots – they were able to snap into something new. New pieces of who they are after Steve's departure, and Bucky was the first to admit, it works. Everything therapy and Sam has taught him, along with his own self reflection, has helped. In the mirror, each morning, he sees something new. A mixture of his old self and who is he now – he actually smiles now. Yet, he knows something has not entirely come back – the ease of being around a woman he adores.

His eyes finally land on Sam, but they only are on the man for a few seconds before making there way to you. Where you are standing next to his friend, the two of you facing the lake. Bucky's heart starts to race as he forces himself to move forward, feeling ridiculous that one single person was making him stumble over his steps. Of all the things he has gone through, this was what was going to give him a heart attack. Muttering to himself that he was being stupid, he reaches Sam's side with a slight smile.

“Sorry I'm late,” he apologies and you turn to him. His throat clenches as you smile and point out to the lake.

“Sam was thinking we could charter a boat for the day, what do you think? Was Steve a fishing type?”

Right,  Bucky thought to himself. The day was about celebrating the one common factor in your friendship – Steve Rogers.

“We went fishing a few times, but neither of us were exactly fishermen.”

“Or men,” Sam snorts and you laugh.

“Ah, well, it's the thought that counts, right?”

Bucky grins finally, eyes entirely on you. He nods lightly. “Yeah, that's all that counts.”

Sam's facial expression changes and suddenly he's declaring that he was going to go see about a boat near the dock station. You wave him off and ask Bucky to help with the poles and supplies from the car. The two of you walk in silence through the crowd, it was a national holiday so the lake was a little crowded.

“Maybe we should have come a different day,” you sigh, unlocking your car. Bucky agrees, but opens the trunk and gives you a small nudge.

“Your idea is great, it's going to be great.”

His reassurances turns your stomach warm, the sun bearing down on your skin as he hands over the poles. “Take these and I'll get the rest.”

Effortlessly, Bucky gathers all the supplies for the boat, including an oversize ice chest and asks you if you were ready. You feel anxious as he walks at your side, wondering out loud if Sam was able to secure a boat for the day. There is a handful of boats already out on the lake, so the prospects were looking bad as the two of you caught up to Sam. Yet, he is all smiles, tossing up keys in the air, catching them with a smirk.

“Great, he's going to gloat all day about this.”

“Maybe being on a boat with the two of you was a bad idea,” you tease.

Bucky laughs. “Too late now.”

“I'm steering,” Sam declares, although neither Bucky or you even knew how. “I'm Captain on and off land, so let's go.”

The boat is nice, large enough for a handful of people. It only takes about twenty minutes to leave the dock, after getting settled and making sure everything was accounted for. Sam takes to the wheel and whistles when the engine comes on, Bucky rolls his eyes but the smile on his face is clear as the day. You sit across from him as Sam takes the boat out into the middle of the lake. Bucky catches your eyes several times, always looking down at his lap with a bashful expression. You try to not overthink his looks and just enjoy the ride of it all. When Sam is finally satisfied with the perfect spot, the three of you gather in the middle of the boat with drinks in hand.

“To Steve, if it wasn't for him, I wouldn't have either of you in my life,” Sam proposes, nodding his head to Bucky and you. “Now whether that is a good or bad thing is up for interpretation.”

“Jackass,” Bucky mutters, but you laugh, like you always do. It's a simple, telling laugh that clutches Bucky by the heart each time he hears it. A laugh that eases him in any situation, a laugh he misses at night when he is alone in his apartment.

“To Steve,” you declare, holding up your beer. The two men follow suit and you allow Sam one sip before taking it away. He obliges and lets you, finishing it off. The men applaud you, even though you apologize for the small burp that comes out of your mouth.

“It's fine,” Bucky smiles, taking the empty can from you. “It's kind of cute.”

Sam's eyes widen and he claps his hands together. “I'm going to check on the wheel real quick, make sure everything is good. Then we eat, I made some bomb ass sandwiches.”

Bucky tries to ignore the wink Sam gives him before making himself scarce. He's almost too afraid to glance your way as you sit back down. He manages to take his seat, quickly stealing a look at you. His heart races as your eyes stare back, his face tightens.

“I miss him,” you whisper and Bucky immediately understands.

“Yeah, I miss the punk too.”

Looking down at the beer can in your hand, you sigh. “He really just went and made a life for himself. You knew, didn't you? Sam didn't. I didn't.”

Bucky's eyes move down to his lap, his throat warm as he nods. “He told me his plan and who was I to stop him? I couldn't do that to him. Sam and you, you were his closes friends – he...he didn't want to hurt you two.”

“I understand, but can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

“Why didn't you go back?”

Everything seems to go quiet as the question touches Bucky's ears. This was a question no one ever thought to ask. A question he has asked himself plenty of times until he was finally able to gather an answer – an answer he never had a reason to say out loud. He opens his mouth, but his chance is interrupted by Sam's reappearance.

“Whose hungry?”

The food is delicious, the three of you sit around and eat for the next hour. The air is fresh as each of you take turns telling a Steve story, the boat is flooded with laughter as the tales are told. Bucky takes to recalling old days, Sam brings up the time Steve took him to a ball game, and you mention all the failed attempts at getting Steve a date. The afternoon slowly turns into a soft evening as fireworks light up the lake. The screams of delight fill the air as Sam, Bucky, and you stand side by side. The boat rocks gently, causes you to stumble into Bucky. He grins and takes a hold of your shoulder with his hand, as Sam claps and hollers at the light show. He is not paying attention to his friends, instead he's taking video on his cell for Sarah and his nephews.

“Are you okay?”

“Metaphorically or in the moment?”

Bucky's face softens and whispers, “In the moment.”

You ignore the booms of the fireworks surrounding the lake, instead focusing on the weight of his fingers on your shoulder. “I'm good, you?”

Slowly, his smile fades and he glances over to Sam. He is either to busy recording the show or is trying to be a good friend by pretending nothing is happening between his friends. Bucky looks back at you and sighs. “I have an answer to your question. I – I thought about this a lot. I want to tell you.”

Bucky's eyes seem vulnerable and it is something you do not take lightly. Having know him for years now, you always have made sure to take things at his pace. Your friendship was what you had always offered to Bucky, because that was what he needed after Steve left. Yet, love slowly crept its way into your heart a few years back. Sam was the only person aware, his encouraging words were always a blessed curse, because what if the feelings were not mutual?

Losing Bucky, after losing Steve, would only hurt more.

“Tell me,” you whisper back, heart racing.

He looks up at the sky, for encouragement before laying his eyes on you. “Steve, he had something to go back to. At the end of the day, he was still that boy from Brooklyn. I wasn't, I wasn't the same, after everything, going back – going back would have been torture. I had to settle things here and going back would have been running away. That's why I couldn't go with him.”

You stare at him as his hand slips from your shoulder, but before it could reach his side, you take it. His hand is warm as you hold onto it tightly, struggling to get the words out. Holding onto his hand as the fireworks explode into the sky, the colors reflecting in Bucky's eyes. It was obscene, the look in his eyes as you felt his thumb across your skin. It was a look of something more than lust, it was fate.

“You've atoned, Bucky. You are a free man, this world belongs to you.”

His eyes close for a moment, heart racing as the feeling of something new bursts colors into his insides. All the atonement, the self reflection had gotten him here – on a boat with his best friend and the woman of his life. This, it felt, was what it was all  about.

The torture, the self hatred, the loneliness.  

Bucky was truly free now.

All that is left, the last thing on his list, is you.

Looking over to Sam, he chuckles when he realizes his friend has once again disappears. Grinning, Bucky squeezes your hand before gently pulling you towards him. Your hand falls on his chest and he reaches up to touch the side of your face. Your heart is racing, as his is. The two of you can not manage a single world, but as the fireworks illuminate the sky in a grand finale, he kisses you on the lips.

[anythingbutmar]

Lonely

Diego Hargreeves x reader

Summary: You love Diego, but you get tired as he keeps ditching you to save the world. Fortunately, he knows how to make it up to you.

Prompts: 21.“Shut up.” “Well why don't you come over here and make me?" 23."For the love of fuck.” “Yeah that's me, I love to fuck."

A/N: THIS IS MY FIRST TIME WRITING ACTUAL SMUT AND I’M SCARED, also, this is the longest thing I’ve ever written and I’m so proud! I love getting more and more Diego requests.❤

Warnings: unprotected sex, drinking, angst.

You know how you're still quite sensitive a few days after your period is gone? You told yourself that was the reason why you were sitting on your livingroom floor, drinking a wine bottle by yourself and crying your eyes out. But you knew the real reason had nothing to do with your cycle.

Diego had failed you, again. Maybe failed was too strong of a word, but he was late to your dinner for the third time in a week, and you truly wanted to understand him, but it was so damn hard.

It had been exactly a month and nine days since the day that he had stormed in your apartment rambling about JFK, 1963, the apocalypse and a commission. It took you a week to process the whole thing not only because it was incredibly hard to believe it, but because he kept adding details here and there like an excited little boy, except he wasn't excited at all, he was just mad at himself for not being able to save a president that had been dead for almost eighty years.

And so, he freed himself of his anger the only way that he knew: on the streets, which usually took him away from you for a few hours, but it was already one in the morning and he wasn't answering any of your texts and phone calls, so you drank and you weeped while listening to Toni Braxton.

You could say that Diego had changed for the better. He was no longer blaming his disgraces on his siblings, he told you he wanted things to get serious because of how much he missed you and you could see even more kindness in his eyes, but it still wasn't what you wished. You had always wanted him in every possible way, but this time you were asking for more, because even though he was your entire world it seemed as if you were never enough for him, given how he preferred to fight criminals over sharing one meal with you.

If you wanted to, you could have kept replaying depressing thoughts in your head, but you were tired already, so you laid your head on the couch and drifted away, holding onto an empty bottle.

And that is exactly how Diego found you half an hour later. He truly felt sorry, but he didn't want to wake you up, and he didn't want to fight, and in general he just didn't want to face you knowing he had disappointed you and a complete country, so he grabbed you in his arms, wanting to carry you to your bed, but even as you slept rage kept burning in the pit of your stomach, and it was that rage that woke you up, right as he was lifting you off the floor, so of course, your natural response was aggressively wiggling your way out of his arms until he accidentally dropped you. You could notice that he was about to laugh until he saw the terrifying look in your eyes and stopped himself.

Diego was no mirror, but you could almost see yourself through his expression. Messy hair, ruined makeup and wine stained lips. He might as well have called you Madremonte already, because you knew you must have looked just like her, same anger in your gaze.

"Where were you?" The alcohol could have blurred your vision but you could see him quite clearly, and it made you wanna cry because you loved him so damn much and you just wanted him to love you back.

"You know it's not a specific place, I just go around town."

"I'm not a jealous person Diego, but I'm not stupid either, and you can't expect me to be waiting for you as you're out there every night saving god knows who. It sounds ridiculous, but I envy an entire city because everyone in it gets to spend more time with you than I do."

Tears poured out again as you remembered the night you met him. You had just quitted your job and were too distracted with your worries to notice the robber creeping up behind you. Thankfully, Diego was there on his silly latex suit, and unlike you he had seen the guy, and he scared him before he could even touch you, freaking you out in the process, but he made it up by inviting you for a drink, and so, your "relationship" started, but it wasn't until that day when he showed up in your doorstep with longer hair and bigger problems that he'd actually adressed it as such. He had asked you to be his girlfriend, and you couldn't be happier to accept, you just didn't know it was going to be this hard, and thinking back to the days where he was saving you hurted like hell, because even though you didn't want to say it out loud, you knew you were alone now while he was saving everyone else.

Diego remained silent, he looked regretful, but that wasn't going to ease your pain.

"You don't have to say anything, I already know what you think. You regret this, you regret us." He frowned deeply, as if he expected anything but what you'd just said.

"What? Of course not!"

"You do! No matter how much you try to hide it it's the truth, you can't even stand to look at me anymore and I don't even know what I did!" Your breath escalated as you let out everything that you couldn't say before.

"Shut up Y/N, you don't even know what you're saying."

"It's not even what you try to tell me everytime! You don't think you've failed me, you just don't want me, so you go out to seek comfort on your fucking hero complex! You'll never learn that you can't save everyone and I don't understand why but somehow you resent me for it!" You screamed and it felt good even though he was right, you were just making up reasons for something that you couldn't understand, but he needed to know how much his absence harmed you.

"Listen to yourself! You're literally not making any sense! I've told you nothing but the truth since I got here because I want things to work between us, and when I say that I come late at night because I know I could have done more to protect you I really mean it. I can't face you when I fail at making you safe." He didn't even seem mad, he just looked frustrated, which actually made you sadder because you didn't want that to be the truth, you didn't want him to feel bad for something that he couldn't control.

"I should just leave, there's no point in arguing."

"No Y/N, you don't have to go, just shut up." He grabbed your wrist softly, letting you choose, and a devilish smirk appeared on your face as you got an idea.

"Well why don't you come over here and make me?" He looked surprised for a few seconds, but when the anger in your eyes turned into lust he mimicked your expression, more than eager to finish the discussion the right way.

He strengthened his grip on your wrist and he pulled you towards him so that there wouldn't be any space between you two, he looked down at you and kissed you passionately, playing with the hem of your skirt and gesturing for you to jump, and so you did, your legs hugged his waist and your hands tangled in his hair just the way he liked it as he walked to your bedroom, carrying you in a different way than he had planned earlier.

He sat you down on the bed and started undressing himself with quick clumsy movements that scattered his clothes all around the room, which might have not looked quite sexy to a normal person passing by, but to you, watching his back tense as he took his shirt of and threw it towards your nightstand was incredibly hot.

So you tried to do the same, to see if he would look at you the same way, but of course, you were still tipsy, and you almost fell to the ground for the second time while stumbling on your own skirt, but Diego’s arms were there to hold you once again, and much to your surprise, there was love and passion in his eyes, which only made you desire him more, but just when you were about to kiss him again, he stopped.

“You’re not sober baby, are you sure you want to do this?” He looked concerned and it made you soft because he was just such a good man.

“Diego Hargreeves, I’m not entirely drunk and I’m giving you my explicit consent.” You mocked him a little but you regreted it instantly, because as soon as you said the words he pushed you on the bed and removed your underwear, the last piece of clothing between you.

You reached out to kiss him and this time he kissed you back with the hunger of an animal. His hand went to your throat and pressed lightly, which gained a moan from you and allowed his tongue to finally meet yours, but it was too slow for you, you wanted more and more and more than you could take, so you turned the game and got on top of him, which he didn’t seem to enjoy as much.

Diego loved being in control, and by taking it away from him you were showing him what would happen if he ever made you feel lonely again.

You put your hands on his shoulders and eagerly lowered yourself on his dick, slowly taking it all in and getting used to his size before you started bouncing. It felt incredibly empowering to be in control and it made you drip with arousal.

He tried to help you by thrusting his hips but you pushed him down. You knew all about his games, he would start regaining his dominance bit by bit and before you knew you would be beneath him, begging for his mercy. But you weren't about to let that happen, not today.

“Damn.” He cursed both in pleasure and surprise.

You wouldn't even let him grab your hips, you fastened your pace by yourself and he was completely helpless, and the thought of him not being able to do anything he wanted made it harder for you to last. You had just started and you were about to cum already, all because it had been days since the last time he made you feel like this.

Apparently, your orgasm closing in was noticed by both of you, because the minute you got distracted in your pleasure he lifted you and helped you place yourself on his face, and when he was finally allowed to move he took advantage of it.

He ran his tongue across your folds in a painfully slow matter a few times before concentrating on your clit, licking and sucking fast and hard, the way he knew would make your knees shake in a matter of seconds.

“Oh for the love of- fuck!” He twirled his tongue around that extremely sensitive spot one last time before you came in his mouth.

You laid beside him, legs pressed together in adrenaline and a smile on your face, you had missed him in every possible way.

“Yeah that’s me, I love to fuck.” He laughed stroking your hair and pushing a few loose strands away in a loving matter. Diego was the absolute king of aftercare, he always seemed to know exactly what you needed, and he made sure you felt safe and loved before you both drifted off. “You do know that’s never going to happen again, right?”

“Oh it will happen over and over if you keep pissing me off, and I kinda liked being on charge for once.” You turned to face him but he wasn’t laughing with you. He wasn’t serious either, he was just staring at you as if you were an ethereal being, as if he couldn’t believe you were laying next to him, afraid that if he blinked or looked away you might slip from his arms.

“I love you baby, and I promise you will never ever feel alone again, and I’ll only leave when you want me to.”

You kissed him, a tiny peck on the lips to ensure him that you believed his words before you fell asleep, finally feeling how his warmth made your pillows softer, your bed more comfortable and your dreams more beautiful.

[ynsimagines]

Supergirl Request: B!D Gets shot.

Lena had offered you a job as her  assistant upon college graduation. You were a hard worker and wanted a well paying job. You knew Lena before getting the job from interacting with her at game nights or karaoke. You always found yourself drawn to her she was powerful and strong willed. But you also saw a softer, kinder side.

 Alex insisted that you take a black armored DEO vehicle to work everyday. As your older sister she was extremely protective, she would not hear an argument against it. You even tried to convince Kara that it was extreme, but there was no getting through to her either. But today all the safety precautions didn’t seem to work today. It was supposed to be a slow at L Corp. One of answering emails, and phone calls, but someone managed to break in getting past Lena’s security. 

You would later learn that Morgan Edge had hired a couple of Hitmen for Lena’s monthly assassinations attempt. Unfortunately you ended up getting caught in the crossfires. Lena had told you to run get somewhere safe and save yourself, but you of course refused to leave her.

The pain didn't hit you at first the need to get yourself and Lena to safety came first. “Y/N, you just got shot” Lena placed her hands gently on your shoulders as you realized you were slowly falling to the ground. That’s when you felt the worst pain in your lower stomach. You could also feel the shirt clinging to you because of the blood.

“Stay with me,” Lena said. Her voice was sounding farther and farther away. “Supergirl!” she called out to your sister who had arrived a touch to late.

.

Beeping. that’s the first thing you heard. There was a dull ache in your stomach.

“Y/N,” you heard Alex say quietly you opened your eyes to see that you were in the DEO med bay Alex was sitting in the chair next to you holding your hand looking worse for wear. You looked to the other side and noticed your blonde sister was sitting in the chair on your other side half of her body slumped over on your bed she was still asleep and hadn't even taken off her super suit. “What happened Alex, why am I in the DEO?” You asked slightly panicked.

“Shh, you’re okay” she said gently stroking your hair. “You got shot with a bullet today while you were at work.”

The talking seemed to wake Kara up slowly. She looked confused than relieved when her eyes landed on you, “Little one, thank Rao you’re okay.”

You nodded, “can I have some water” you rasped. Your blonde sister grabbed the cup that was next to you and helped you take a sip before putting it back down. Kara felt extremely guilty for what happened to you. She hadn’t gotten to you quickly enough. Of course Supergirl had flown to L Corp as soon as she got the alert, but the hitman had been expecting Supergirl and one managed to hold her off until it was too late. What kind of Superhero cant protect her own baby sister?

“How are you feeling, sweetheart? Are you in any pain?” Asked Alex. 

“A little, but its manageable,” you said reassuringly. But Alex didn't even want you to have the slightest discomfort and slightly increased your pain meds. The more you looked at Alex the more you started to realize how tired she looked she had purple circles under her eyes and you realize she must not have hardly slept if at all.

“How long have I been unconscious?”

“About 24 hours,” Alex said looking at her watch. Your oldest sister also felt incredibly guilty. She was supposed to protect you and keep you safe. The DEO should’ve gotten there faster, and she never should’ve let you work at L Corp.

Your sisters managed to fill you in a little more on what happened, “I’m so sorry  Little one,” said Kara “this is my fault I should’ve gotten to you and Lena sooner.”

You shook you head, “No Kara this isn’t your fault. I know you were held up even Supergirl cant be in two places at once.”

“She’s right Kara its not your fault it’s mine,” said Alex. “I should’ve gotten there sooner, and I never should’ve agreed to let you work at LCorp.”

“Oh my God you two are being ridiculous.” you said causing them to both look at you surprised. “Alex you got there as quickly as you could, I’m an adult and make my own decisions about where I work,” you said giving her a pointed look. “Besides if I wasn’t there Lena would’ve been shot, and I know you wouldn’t want that either.”

“Speaking of Lena, is she okay?” You asked worried.

“She’s fine, little one we sent her home to get some rest,” answered Kara.

Alex nodded, “Lena is really worried about you kiddo, didn't want to leave.”

 You felt touched that Lena cared so much about you. You yawned starting to feel tired. “Get some rest sweetheart, you need it,” said Kara leaning down to kiss your forehead followed by Alex doing the same. 

.

You woke up a couple of hours later to find that your sisters had stepped out, and you were in the presence of none other than Lena Luthor. She was sitting on her laptop typing away and hadn’t yet noticed your presence until she suddenly looked up.

“Y/N, darling you’re awake. How are you feeling? Are you in any pain?” Asked Lena worried as she walked over to you.

“No, I’m not in pain. Where are my sisters?” You asked looking around.

“They went home to take a shower and eat something,” she said gently rubbing your arm. You nodded “they’ll be back soon.”

You took a deep breath, “Lena I’m really sorry about what happened at L Corp.”

Lena immediately shook her head, “What? Y/N, none of what happened is your fault. If anything its mine. You’re like a sister to me and I failed to keep you safe. ”

You wanted to reply to her, but after that admission you didn't quite know what to say. “I completely understand if you dont want to work at L Corp anymore. I’ll even help you find a new job,” said Lena.

“But Lena I don’t want another job. I love working at L Corp so much. Yeah sure I got hurt, but I’m gonna be okay, and what happened to me isn’t your fault its Morgan Edges’.”

“What about your sisters?”

“What about them? you answered. It’s my decision. If Alex is upset about it I’ll deal with her,” you said knowing Lena would be worried about Alex getting mad at her. 

“Okay sweetheart, I want you to take some time off to get better, and I’m going to increase the security. You will never get hurt under my watch again.”

You nodded, “Lena?” You asked causing the other women to look back at you. “I also love you like a sister, I’m glad you’re a part of our family.” 

Lena had to take a deep breath just to keep herself from bursting into tears she leant down and gave you a gentle hug careful not to hurt you, “that means so much sweetheart, thank you for saying that I love you too.”

.

You winced as Alex inspected and cleaned your bullet wound. Today was the fourth day of being in the DEO after you had been shot. Your sisters and Lena all took turns being by your side. On the second day the assassins' were found and arrested along with Morgan Edge but not before getting roughed up by Agent Danvers.

When you woke up you had been feeling some pain where the bullet hit you. When Alex went to inspect it she realized your wound had a mild infection. 

“How bad is it, is she going to be okay?” Kara asked as she held your hand.

“Can I still go home today?” you asked tired of being stuck in the DEO with nothing to do except watch Netflix.

“It’s just a minor infection,” said Alex. “You’ll need to take some antibiotics, but once I clean it there’s no need to keep you here any longer.”

“I’m going to be working from home for a while to look after you, little one,” said Kara.

“I still have to go into work, but I’m going to stay the night at yours and Kara’s apartment for the week. And Lena’s gonna stay with you while we go on patrol,” added Alex.

You smiled, you had the best family ever. 

“Sweetheart, we know your an adult and can make your own decisions,” said Kara looking at Alex pointedly. “And what happened wasn't in any way your fault.”

“We just want you to remember that your not invincible,” said Alex sitting on your bed after she finished cleaning your wound and removed her gloves. “That bullet could’ve killed you,  just promise us you wont jump in front of a gun ever again.”

“I Promise,” you knew that if you had the chance to potentially save your sisters, Lena, or any other member of your family from dying you would no matter the cost, but you weren't up for having that conversation right now.

“Can you guys also promise me something? That you’ll get some sleep, and eat something substantial. You both look exhausted the last thing we need is for one of you to collapse. And get Lena to do the same,” your sisters smile at this. You’re always so concerned about others even while you’re lying in a hospital bed with a hole in your stomach. 

“Alright we promise Sweet girl,” said Kara kissing your forehead.

 “Can we have pizza tonight?” You asked causing both your sisters to laugh for the first time in days. 

Later that night when Lena came to the apartment she found you and your sisters fast asleep on the couch.

[darksapphire29]

Imagine #6

You give Peter the silent treatment while you try to accept the newly discovered truth.

Warnings: silent treatment, mentions of death, stressed Peter (ya know, this is just a recurring theme that can probably be expected in most (if not ALL) my imagines), tiny OOC Pan (but I don’t think it’s that OOC), crying?? Umm... trigger warning for ppl who are still recovering from season 3 and/or season 5?? (I AM)

Peter was scolding Adam for something when you first left your tent.

“You idiot. You never pick dreamshade without gloves. Do you have a d-death...?” He stuttered a little, losing his trail of thought at the sight of you. You looked awful.

Your skin was pale, your eyes lined with a darkness that hinted at a lack of sleep. You stumbled a little as you wandered off into the forest to gather some fruit for breakfast. You didn’t even look at him as you passed, and his stomach dropped.

All but forgetting his annoyance, he walked briskly after you. You weren’t even following any of the trails. He passed the huts and ignored the confused look Felix sent his way. All he could think about was what was wrong with you. Were you ill? Hurt? Did something happen last night? Yesterday? He didn’t know, and was determined to find out.

When he caught sight of your cloak, he ran right up to you. He grabbed your shoulder, and you stopped. You didn’t turn to look at him.

“(Y/n),” he started, walking around your body with a hesitance that caught you off guard. You had honestly expected him to be mad. When he stood in front of you, his eyes filled with concern, you found you couldn’t look at him another second, so you turned your head away from him.

Peter furrowed his brows. You were never the shy type, always standing up for yourself and speaking out against him. It was one of the both impressive and frustrating traits he loved about you.

“Why aren’t you following the trail?” He searched your face, trying to read your eyes. But just as he was about to catch them, you looked away from him. Somehow, the boring new shades of moss by his feet were more interesting than Peter. It was too peculiar for him to leave alone.

“Is something wrong?” He asked again. The (tall/short) girl before him said nothing, all too lost in her thoughts. Was this a game to him? Or did he seriously have no idea? The most obvious answer was that he was mocking you. That he found your anger towards him amusing and silly. But you wouldn’t retaliate. That was what he wanted. Instead, you walked right past him and continued on your way.

Peter felt as if you had dug out his heart and jumped on it. Twice. His confident stance faltered as he watched your back. You were acting so… different. But then again, it was unnervingly familiar. Only, the last time you had acted so demeaned by his presence was almost a hundred winters ago. When his shadow first brought you to Neverland, and you were still jumpy and untrusting from your past life. Why were you suddenly reverting back to your old self?

When you began to fade into the forest, he chased after you. Peter followed you for a while, calling your name and demanding you talk to him.

You didn’t answer his questions, completely disregarding his presence. You wished he would just leave you alone. After everything you had learnt, all the secrets that had been laid before you, you needed to be alone. You needed time to think. And you especially needed Peter to go away. But no, Peter Pan never fails, and he was more than ready to win this game. Only it wasn’t a game, and if he wanted it to be, you weren’t intending to play.

Annoyance clouded Peter’s mind, and he tried so hard not to let you anger him. So hard. But it wasn’t getting any easier.

“(Y/n), come on!” He tried, throwing up his arm and following you deep into the forest. “Where are you even going?” Luckily for the both of you, he was Peter Pan, not some Lost Boy. Because if he wasn’t literally half demon, neither of you would be able to get back.

You really didn’t know where you were going. But all that mattered right then was the distance between you and the boy who’d broken your trust. Although, deep down, you were grateful he had followed you. Otherwise, you would be completely lost.

You didn’t know how to forgive him, and by the sound of it, Peter hadn’t even realised what he’d done. You chuckled. What a narcissist. Of course, he hadn’t thought it would offend you. But you couldn’t approach him about it, or anyone, really. What a girlish thing it was, to be so hurt by such a thing. Secrets like this one were more damaging than any poison or sword. But how could he have known? This was a grown-up sort of thing, and Peter was still only a child.

“(Y/n)!” He shouted again, and you jumped, having forgotten he was even there. “I can literally feel the rage in my blood.” He threatened, but you were unfazed. Nothing could hurt more than—

“Please, don’t make me force you!” His voice cracked a little on the please. Your heart clenched. He was trying to hide his desperation, but you could sense it. You wanted so much to just turn around, hug him, tell him it wasn’t his fault.

But that would be a lie. Because it was his fault. It was entirely his fault. He should have shared all those damned thoughts with you. If only he’d opened his stupid mouth, confessed, revealed everything. Instead, he’d left you to stumble blindly in the dark. But the idiot forgot to take the oil away from the lamp, and now that you’d shed some light on your life, things would never be the same. And it was this senselessness that kept you away from him. Like two magnets of the same pole—it was all Peter’s doing.

But the most disturbing truth? Your very soul threatened to shatter at the very thought. How could he have kept such a thing from you? How could he have been so careless? You tripped on a few sticks and roots as your blood threatened to boil over with rage. Had he even spared your feelings a thought? You shook your head and quickened your pace.

Peter watched you stumble along, your hands clenching and unclenching like you didn’t want him to know they were shaking. He was near you, now, and he reached out for you again. Wanting so badly to touch you again, even for a second. But then you took longer strides, taking him off guard, and his fingers missed you completely. He growled in frustration. He’d had enough.

“Fine.” His tone darkened. Chills ran down your spine, you skin crawling with goosebumps. He had never spoken to you like that before, and it scared you to no end. “But don’t say I didn’t give you a chance!” With that, he appeared right before you, and you collided with his chest. You leapt back almost immediately, like fire to your skin. Meeting his eyes for a second, you found a hint of pain behind them. But it was replaced with frustration before you could blink.

“Why are you ignoring me?” He was so lost. So hurt. You wouldn’t even look him in the eye long enough for him to see the (e/c) in them. That beautiful (e/c) he would so often lose himself in.

Quickly, he reached for your shoulders. His hands rested there, his grip gentle but firm, not wanting you to leave him behind, again. You still didn’t speak. He missed your voice, your laugh, you eyes, your smile. It had probably been an hour, but that was already too long. He clenched his jaw.

“(Y/n), this isn’t a game. Talk to me.” As much as he didn’t want to, he was losing his patience. He spoke through gritted teeth, his hold on you tightening, his eyes set in a nasty glare. His hands were harsh on your skin, and your eyes glistened with an unholy fire. You didn’t move.

He couldn’t take it anymore.

Breathing through his nose, veins popping out of his neck, he shook you. Hard. Your hair fell over your face, and your cloak would’ve fallen off if Peter wasn’t holding it there. Tears stung at your eyes as your body was thrown around, your shoulders aching.

“TALK TO ME!!” He screamed, fuming. You nearly broke down at his anger. He stopped, but you didn’t do anything. He had hoped you would yell, scream, cry, shove him off, kick him, slap him, run away, anything! You just shivered a little under his hands, but other than that, you held yourself together. His eyes reddened, almost like he might cry, himself. “Why won’t you just look at me, at LEAST?!” A part of him was begging, but the rest of him was infuriated.

In spite of yourself, you looked up at him. Your eyes were probably swollen, your skin whiter than usual, but you hardly cared. You glared at him so hard you might’ve set him aflame.

“Well then, Pan.” You croaked, a single, hot tear falling from your eye. “I’m looking at you. I’m talking to you. I’m even bloody crying. You’ve won. Now get the hell away from me.”

He stepped back, not meaning to look cocky. He was shocked. He had won, but that wasn’t important. The look on your face was important. That angry tear was important.

“I-I—” he stuttered. What could he do? You were obviously upset with him. But why? What had he done? For a short second, he thought hard about everything he could’ve done wrong.

Nothing came to mind.

“What did I do?” It was an innocent question, but when he finished, you were so pale he feared for your life. It came out so wrong. So demeaning. Ridiculing. It sounded exactly like him, and for once, he really didn’t mean for it to sound like that. 

Your usually bright and (e/c) eyes darkened a few shades. He winced.

This was not going to end well.

“What did you do?” You laughed. It wasn’t joyous and contagious like the one he obsessed over. It was maniacal, nearly psychotic. Like his laugh. “Oh, I wonder!”

“(Y/n), please—”

“Oh, no! You don’t get to speak. It’s my turn.” You spat, waving a hand in his face. “Did you think I wouldn’t find out?” Peter was completely taken aback. Fear placed his confusion and he worried for his own sake. So much was happening, now. Who knew what you had discovered?

He had wanted to keep his plans to himself. Everything he was doing, everything he planned to accomplish, he knew you wouldn’t approve. Even to save your own life, his life, everyone’s lives, the whole of Neverland. You would insist on finding a better way until your final breath.

“Kidnapping people? Using some girl? Taking a kid from his family and keeping him against his will?” The colour was quickly returning to your face, but even when you tanned to your normal colour, you continued to redden with every breath. He tried to get a word in, tried to explain himself. But it was no use.

“I can’t believe you, Pan!” He winced again, that familiar pain building up in his chest once more. “What happened to you? Why are you doing this? You used to be fun. You used to really care about everyone.” Your face was wet with tears, tears that wouldn’t stop, and Peter wanted nothing more than to hold you.

He remembered those days. The days where he and the Lost would just play around and joke and tease. When nothing mattered but you and him and Neverland.

But then, he remembered the day he returned to Skull Rock. The day he was reminded of his incoming doom. He knew what was coming. He knew it had to be done.

“(Y/n), please listen to me.” He started, but you weren’t finished.

“But you wanna know why I’m upset?” Peter didn’t say anything, he didn’t even nod. You were suddenly calm, and it scared him more than your angered screams.

“You told Felix you were—” A broken sob hacked at your throat, and you collapsed into Peter’s chest. Pride be damned, you were sick of this. Sick of being angry and scared and alone. You needed Peter, and when he wrapped his arms around you, that was it. You were finished. Your eyes red. Yours cheeks soaked. Your hands shaking. Your hair in more of a mess than usual. Your lips quivering. And just like that, you broke down.

Peter pulled you closer, just holding you. He didn’t say anything. There was nothing to say. You knew everything, and there was no way to assure you that everything would be okay. Because he didn’t know that. And as he held you to his chest, he let out a few tears himself. In minutes you were both huddled together on the ground, dirt and leaves sticking to your clothes. You clung to one another as you cried, his hands stroking your hair while you clutched onto his shirt.

Peter shushed and soothed you, stroking your hair as cries escaped his lips.

“I-I’m s-sorry,” he croaked out between sobs. You just nodded, clutching onto his tunic and gasping out that it didn’t matter. Peter kept apologising anyway, his hair tousled, his face puffy and stained with tears that you feared would never stop.

You sat like that for a long time, your sobs filling one another’s ears and more water leaked from your eyes than you knew you had in you. Because nothing was okay, and as you sat in the dim and cold light of the sun—lost in the middle of the Neverland woods—neither of you knew if it would ever be okay again.

[puckinghell]

Why (Won’t You Love Me) | Elias Pettersson

Summary: Time and time again, Elias watches you get your heart broken by guys who aren’t worth your effort, and he just can’t help but wonder why you can’t love him instead.  Words: 3,5k Note: Based on the 5sos song with the same name. 

--

There’s a glow on the pavement, fresh from the rain. Dark clouds are still packed together in the sky when they arrive at the plane, but the rain is mere drizzle now, and Elias doesn’t bother with an umbrella as he hauls his bag over his shoulder.

Brock, of course, has the hood of his jumper pulled tight around his face, and he looks absolutely miserable. Normally Elias would tease him – probably something about his hair – but today he’s not in the mood.

He’s pretty miserable himself.

“Petey, hey.” Brock runs to catch up to him, as they approach the plane. Elias should’ve known Brock would notice: his best friend always seems to know when he shouldn’t be alone. “What’s up, dude?”

Elias huffs out an indignant sound that’s not resembling any English words, and not really any Swedish ones, either. He pulls his eyebrows together in a frown and makes a frustration motion with his hand.

“Y/N…” he says, your name falling off his lips a little rough. “She’s having guy trouble.”

“Ah,” Brock says, like he understands. He probably does.

It’s not the first time Elias is in a mood because of your ‘guy trouble’.

Now it’s not really fair to you, he knows that. You’re not actually aware of the fact that you’re hurting him, by talking about other guys, so he can’t hold it against you.

It’s just…

“Why won’t she love me?” he finally says, as they stand in front of the stairs to the plane, waiting for the others to go in first.

There’s no use pretending, not with Brock. Brock knows him better than anyone and he knows how far gone for you Elias is, how much it hurts that you don’t feel the same way. 

Brock shrugs. “She loves you,” he says, but he doesn’t sound quite so sure.

“Not like that.” Elias can’t help sounding a little mopey, and Brock slaps his hard across the back to show his support, in the way that bros do, sometimes.

“Sorry, man,” he says, and he sounds genuinely remorseful.

Elias met you right after he arrived in Vancouver, and he knows it’s cliché to say, but he immediately knew that you were it for him. You made him laugh with some snarky remark at a rude customer in the coffee shop, and that was it. He was sold.

It’s not become anything but friendship, though. And sure, it’s a friendship Elias holds dear to his heart, but he’s not afraid to admit he’s always wanted it to be more. It’s just, he’s never been able to find the words to tell you that.

In the beginning, he blamed his lack of English, but now he knows it’s just you.

You render him speechless. When you look at him with bright eyes, when you say his name. And whenever he thinks about telling you, and thinks about the look of pity on your face and how you would say “Elias…” like you’re the bearer of bad news, he feels like his throat has swollen to the point where talking is impossible.

So he says nothing. But he hates himself for it, every time you sit on his couch and tell him about your failed dating endeavours.  

He sits down and takes his phone, to put it on airplane mode. Brock is humming under his breath next to him, and it’s distracting enough that he nearly misses the text notification.

Nearly, but not quite.

Sorry for crying on your shoulder again the text reads.

Elias thinks back to last night, when you’d showed up at his apartment, nearly in tears because the guy you’d gone on a few dates with had cancelled your date and said he’d rather be friends.

“When they say that, they never actually wanna be friends, Petey,” you’d sighed, your bottom lip trembling.

And he’d pulled you inside, parked you on the couch and made you tea, and then you’d watched MasterChef together, your body curled into his, until you weren’t so sad anymore.

He always tried everything to stop you from being sad, and he usually succeeded, too. Taking care of you is one of the things he’s best at, in his opinion. 

“I guess finding a decent guy to love around here is just too much to ask,” you’d said, after at least an hour of comfortable silence. “Well, at least I’ve got you, right?”

And Elias had to bite his lip so hard he can still feel where it’s sore, only to stop himself from asking:

Why won’t you love me, instead?

He stares at your text now. Behind it, his background is still visible: a picture of him and you, that he likes to look at when the road is a little too lonely.

“You gotta turn it off, Pete,” Brock says, and that’s when Elias notices the plane is already about to take off.

He quickly texts back “No worries” and switches his phone to airplane mode. The glass of the little round window is cold against his cheek when he leans against it.

It’s gonna be a long road trip.

--

The bar isn’t busy, but there’s a constant hum of chatter around you, and you try to use that to quiet your mind.

It doesn’t really work.

You’re a few drinks in, and there’s tears burning behind your eyes.

Normally, you would’ve called Elias. But now you don’t feel like you should, anymore.

Elias has been different, since he got back from what felt like the longest road trip in history. He’s been dodging your calls, not texting as much, and you have only seen him once since he got back a week ago, which is not normal for you two.

If you knew why he’s been avoiding you, you could fix it.

But you have no idea.

“Excuse me, can I borrow this chair?” a voice asks. A girl has her hand on the empty chair opposite you, and she smiles at you when you look up.

You open your mouth: something inside of you says no, but you know that’s ridiculous. This is a table for one, tonight.

“Sure.”

It’s not like that guy is gonna show up three hours after he was supposed to.

It’s not your supposed-to-be-date, that you’re thinking about though. Maybe you should be sad about him, because he just stood you up, but instead you’re thinking back to the last time you saw Elias, when he’d just come back. They had won two out of three road games, so he’d been in a good mood, and when you went to his house for pizza and Netflix he’d been chatty and filled with laughter all evening.

His good mood dimmed, when you mentioned you had a date planned.

“Do you know this guy?” he’d asked, and there was a hint of judgement in his voice that instantly got you defensive.

“No, my friend set us up,” you said. “But it’s not like I have a choice, Elias. Time is slipping away from me, and I can’t just sit here and wait for the love of my life to show up while everyone is getting married. It’s no fun being lonely.”

“No,” Elias had said, a strange look on his face. “It’s not fun.”

You would’ve asked him what he meant by that – surely he wasn’t lonely, being Elias Pettersson in Vancouver – but there was something about him that stopped you.

For the first time since you met him, it felt like there was a wall up between you, and it felt like for every stone the wall was made off there was a matching stone in the pit of your stomach.

It felt like you did something wrong, but you can’t put your finger on what. You hadn’t lied to him, although it hadn’t quite been the full truth either. You can’t tell him the full truth, because the full truth is too pathetic.

The full truth, of course, being that when your other best friend Liza got engaged, you realized that everyone had someone, except for you. You just had Elias, and that has always been enough: until you sat there staring at the giant diamond on Liza’s finger and realized that Elias was never going to feel that way about you.

He’s your best friend, and although you’d want him to be everything, if he was interested in more, he would’ve done something by now. And so you decided you had to stop waiting for someone who would never love you like that, and find someone who would. 

You haven’t found that person, yet, and you haven’t gotten over Elias either. 

You look at your phone now. It’s 2am, and you probably shouldn’t call him, but…

But it’s Elias. He’s your best friend and you know he cares for you, even if he is mad about something.

You just got stood up, and it’s late, and you’ve had a bit too much to drink, and you don’t really want to have to walk yourself home…

“You can always call me if you need anything,” Elias said all the time. “Even in the middle of the night.”

So you call him.

There’s no answer. There’s no answer the next time, or the next, either. 

You throw some money on the table. It’s time to take yourself home: after all, you’ve always been able to take care of yourself. There’s no reason for this burning feeling behind your eyes. 

He’s just a friend.

The next morning, there’s two texts waiting for you when you wake up.

3 missed calls? Everything OK?

Sorry I missed them. Have to go to practice now, talk later.

There’s no smileys, no familiar XO’s that Elias has been using since Brock forced him to watch Gossip Girl, no love you at the end.

So that’s how you know something is really wrong.

--

Creating some distance between you is harder than Elias had thought.

“She hates me,” he grumbles. It’s probably not the right time to do this, in the middle of practice, but he’s been distracted and since this is all Brock’s fault, he figures he should just say that.

“She doesn’t,” Brock says. “Also, how is this my fault?”

Elias leans on his stick. They’re both waiting until it’s their turn to do the drill. Jake skates past, shoots on Marky. Scores.

“You said I needed some distance. You said to put my phone on airplane mode every now and then. Last night she called me three times and I didn’t answer, and now she hates me.”

Brock rolls his eyes, ever so slightly: but enough for Elias to see, and he glares at his best friend.

He feels a little vindicated when Brock flushes red and shuffles a little away from Elias.

“Look, bud, I said that because you’ve been miserable.” Brock’s face is gentle. “But since this is clearly not working, have you thought about just talking to her?”

He has thought about that. A lot.

“Absolutely not,” Elias says. “She’s not interested in me, she’s made that clear by dating half of Vancouver.”

Brock laughs. “I didn’t know Vancouver had 6 people living in it.”

“Shut up.” But there’s no heat behind it, and Brock shuffles closer again.

“Petey.” He sounds remorseful. “You haven’t scored even once today. And Marky’s not even trying. You need to fix this.”

At that moment, his name gets called, so Elias shoves Brock aside and skates up to the puck, taking it with him towards the goal.

He shoots wide.

Fuck. Maybe he does have to do something about this.

Elias may have decided he needs to talk to you, but he sure as hell doesn’t have to do it right now. He’s allowed to go home and get changed first, because he’s not going to confess his love and get his heart broken while wearing a Canucks tracksuit.

Unfortunately, it ends up not really being his choice, because when he walks into the hallway of his apartment you’re sitting on the floor, leaning against his front door.

Elias stops dead at the end of the hallway.

You’re doing something on your phone, not noticing him right away. You look tired, and your hair is a mess, and it squeezes something in Elias’ heart.

You look… kinda like shit, and whereas Elias knows he probably doesn’t look much better himself, it’s worse when it’s you.

Suddenly, guilt washes over him like a tidal wave. You needed him last night, and he wasn’t there for you. It was 2 am when you called him: you could’ve been anywhere, anything could’ve happened, you could’ve gotten hurt.

Suddenly he’s walking, faster and faster, until he reaches you.

You look up, and when you see him, there’s a small smile curling at the edge of your lips. But you don’t look happy, and Elias’ worry only intensifies.

“Hey,” he says, reaching out his hand. You let him help you pull you to your feet, but then you drop his hand right away.

It stings.

“Can I come in?” you ask. Your voice is small and you’re fretting with the edge of your shirt.

“Of course.” Elias opens the door, lets you walk in first. Normally, you would kick off your shoes at the door and throw yourself on his couch, or immediately dive head first into his fridge. You don’t do that now, and it’s wrong: everything feels wrong, and Elias hates it.

If he could make it go back to the way it was, he would do anything for it to stay that way. He would ignore his feelings, he would push them away. He would answer the phone.

He wouldn’t hurt you like this.

“Are you okay?” he blurts out. He regrets it instantly, because your face falls even more.

He should’ve eased into it. He should’ve let you say what you came to say, first.

“I’m so sorry for not answering the phone,” he continues, helplessly, because you’re not saying anything and the silence is too much for him to take. “I put my phone on airplane mode and I shouldn’t have done that, you needed me and I should’ve been there for you and…”

“Elias.” Your voice is soft, but stern. Your hand reaches out, fingers curling around his wrist. “Calm down. I’m fine, nothing happened last night.”

Something heavy dissolves in the pit of Elias’ stomach, and for the first time that day, he feels like he can breathe.

“I’m just…” you pause, sigh. Then you stand a little taller, something determined settling over your features. “I just want to know what I did wrong.”

“Huh?” Elias can imagine he must be staring at you pretty blankly, but he truly just doesn’t get it. “What you did wrong?”

You roll your eyes. “Don’t play dumb. I know you’re mad at me. So tell me what I did wrong, so I can fix it.”

Elias can feel it: the energy shifting in the room. There’s something harsh in your eyes, and he knows you came here looking for resolve as much as you came here looking for a fight.

Fighting, he figures, is a way to feel things, too. But he’s not about to let you do that to yourself, especially when it’s his fault. 

“Y/N,” he says, softly, and then he shakes his wrist out of your grip and takes your hand in his, instead. Your hand is cold, skin soft, and he immediately decides he wants to hold your hand for the rest of his life. “Come sit with me.”

You let him lead you to the couch, and sit down next to him, body turned away from his.

Once again, you’re sitting on his couch, on the verge of tears. But it’s different, this time. You’re not crying over guys that aren’t worth your time, you’re crying over him, over Elias, and he has to fix this one even more than he did all the other times.

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” Elias starts. This time, you don’t fight him on it. “It’s me, actually. I think I did something wrong.”

You look up. There’s a hint of fear in your eyes when you ask: “What?”

Elias sighs. It’s hard, to get out the words, even harder than he was worried about. He doesn’t know what to say, how to say it, or how to make you understand.

“I made a mistake,” he says, carefully. “I thought I needed some time away from you, but that wasn’t right.”

“Away from me?” The look of hurt on your face doesn’t pass by Elias. “Why?”

“Why?” Elias repeats. “Because it’s too hard sometimes. It’s too hard to hear you talking about all these guys you’re dating, and how they always hurt or disappoint you.”

Your eyes are fixed on the floor. “I don’t mean to be a bother,” you mutter.

“You’re not, that’s not what I meant.” Elias takes another breath. There’s something about the way you’re sitting here, shoulders hunched, arms wrapped around yourself, that gives him the courage to say: “You talk about them, but you always come back to me.”

You look up at him, eyes swimming with questions.

“Whatever guy you’re with, no matter how lonely you say you are, how many dates you go on; you always end up coming back here, to hang out on my couch. Why?”

“I mean,” you start, then stop yourself.

Are you really gonna tell him?

You think back to months ago, when Liza had asked you to picture your perfect guy.

“I can’t set you up if I don’t know what you want,” she’d said. “So, close your eyes, and picture yourself happy, in the future. You’ve got a house, and a dog, and a job. You’ve got a partner. What do you picture when you think of the partner?”

Elias. 

You hadn’t said it, you’d said something about blond hair and kind eyes and someone who always makes you laugh, but you’re not dumb enough to deny that it was Elias that you were describing to her. That you pictured, when you closed your eyes, an alternate reality in which Elias was yours and you were his.

But you clearly can’t say that to Elias, because he’s not interested in you like this, and you don’t want to ruin this friendship. Not when it means the most to you. 

You’d give anything to be able to hold onto Elias, and have him hold onto you. 

So you say nothing, just stare at Elias’ hand, which has come to rest on your thigh. His fingers are long, slender, and you miss the feeling of them tangled with your own. You wonder if you could get away with grabbing his hand, every now and then, just as friends. 

“Y/N,” Elias repeats, and this time he sounds a little desperate. “You’re always saying you’re lonely, and you want someone to love you, and you need a decent guy, and I don’t know what you’re waiting for but…”

I’m waiting for you, you think.  

“But I’m right here.” Elias sits up a little straighter. There’s determination in his eyes, a quiet conviction that he usually reserves for hockey. “I’m right here, and I’m a decent guy, and I love you, so why won’t you love me?”

Time freezes.

You’re pretty sure if Elias had a clock you could look at, you’d find the hands of the clock not moving. If you looked outside, the cars would be stationary, the birds would be frozen in the air.

But Elias isn’t frozen. He’s somehow closer than he was before, and he’s moving closer, still.

“Stop me,” he whispers. “Stop me if you don’t want…” He doesn’t finish his sentence.

Doesn’t have to, really.

Because there’s a million things running through your mind, things like because I’m scared and he loves me and we’ve wasted so much time but at the end of the day they all lead to one single conclusion.

It’s him. It’s always been him.

So you launch forward, crash your lips against his in a feverish desperation to finally, finally make it right. He moves back from the force of it, but then his arms are wrapped around you and he’s pulling you closer, into his lap.

He slows down the kiss, softens it. The way he kisses you has your toes curling in your shoes, your heart beating in your throat, because he kisses you like no one has ever really kissed you before.

He kisses you like he loves you.

When you pull away, gasping for air, Elias’ eyes are soft when they lock with yours.

“Yeah?” he asks, and it’s hesitant, careful, like he’s still waiting for you to close the metaphorical door in his face, to take his heart and break it in two.

“I thought it wasn’t possible,” you admit. “I thought you would never want this.”

“Always,” Elias mumbles, and he leans a bit closer, presses a kiss against your jaw. “I’ve always wanted this.”

Always. He’s always wanted this and you were both too dumb to see it, both too dumb to connect the dots. You can’t believe you lost so much time, and you can’t believe it took so long.

Why did it take so long?

“Why didn’t I…” you start, but Elias cuts you off, kissing you once more. Gentle and short, this time, but still just as loving.

“It doesn’t matter,” he says. “What matters is that I love you.”

“I love you, too,” you say, and you bury your face in the crook of his neck, allow yourself to press your lips to his collarbone.

Maybe the why, or the how, or the when, doesn’t really matter in the end. Maybe it’s about the happy ever after.

And you think you found that, now.

[outerbankswriting]

Could it be? Chapter 11 (JJ x Reader)

JJ x Reader

CH.1 - CH.2 - CH.3 - CH.4 - CH.5 - CH.6 - CH.7 - CH.8 - CH.9 - CH.10

Description: She has a crush on JJ, but he has always seen her as another one of the “dudes”, or  at least that’s what she thinks so she just doesn’t even try anymore, until things start to shift between the two of them. (A/N: I’M NOT GOOD AT DESCRIPTIONS BUT THESE IS JUST WHAT I WOULD LOVE TO HAPPEN IN OUTER BANKS WITH JJ)

A/N: THIS CHAPTER GOT DELETED BC TUMBLR WANTED TO MAKE ME CRY FOR A BIT SO I HAD TO REPOST..

Warnings: mentions of sexual trauma

CHAPTER 11

You shot a glance at Sarah once she finished spilling all your business. You watched as she gave you an innocent smile after realising you didn’t want everyone to know about Rafe yet.

“Look, I can explain alright?” You sighed as you reached for a beer. It was going to be a long day.

“Please do.” Kie muttered, raising her eyebrow at you.

You looked at JJ who was staring straight into your eyes, you couldn’t tell if he was hurt or angry but either of those options made your stomach twist.

“He promised that if I faked it for a night, he would leave all of us alone which means th-”

“And you believed him?” Pope was quick to cut you off.

“Why would you even trust Rafe Cameron in the first place?” John B added.

“If you would all stop interrupting me, then maybe I would be able to clear your doubts.” You spat coldly at your friends.

“Go on then.” Kie nodded.

“It’s just for the night, so he can be on the clear with his father and have no problems whatsoever,” you bit your lip, “after that I’m completely done with him.”

The silence was broken by JJ’s sarcastic laugh, making you immediately stare at his movements.

“Well I think it’s bullshit,” he gulped down his beer before standing up, “and if you’re trusting Rafe Cameron, then you can’t be trusted either.”

His words hit you like a thousand knives on the chest.

He definitely felt betrayed by you but his anger was stronger than the pain he was feeling. He tossed the empty beer on the sand, ignoring Kie’s complaining and gave you a final glare before walking away from the group.

“JJ,” you sighed and rushed to walk towards him, ignoring whatever your friends were complaining about as well, “JJ wait!”

You tried to walk faster towards him but the sand wasn’t letting you catch up to his pace.

“JJ stop!” You yelled a little louder but he kept walking.

You decided to run towards him, ignoring how ridiculous you looked trying to run in the sand for trying to chase a guy.

“JJ let me talk to you.” You grabbed his arm making him turn to face you.

His eyes drifted to the sea, not bothering to look at yours.

He was stubborn and you knew him too well to know how whenever he gets angry, his mind becomes clouded with his own thoughts, not bothering to listen or try to understand anything.

“Do you honestly think I want to talk to you right now?” He spat out.

But he was not the only stubborn one here, you were not going to let him leave without first making him listen to you.

“I want you to listen.”

“I don’t want to listen.” His jaw clenched and he pulled his arm away from you.

You were starting to get annoyed but you couldn’t blame him for feeling this way.

“JJ stop walking away from me!”

“You listen to me!” He raised his voice at you as he walked closer to you, your eyes starting to water at his actions, “I cannot trust you if you keep lying to my face!”

“I never lied to you JJ!”

“You said you were not going back to him!”

“I’m not!”

“Then why the fuck are you going as his girlfriend to the stupid party?!”

His eyes were filled with anger and your face probably looked like the one of a scared puppy since JJ’s features softened at the realisation of how loud he was raising his voice at you and how he was projecting his anger.

“I just can’t believe how you can still trust him after everything he’s done.” He lowered his voice but the anger still hadn’t left him.

“Nothing’s going to happen between us JJ,” you slowly walked closer to him, afraid he was going to walk away at any second, “I’m not going to let it happen.”

JJ licked his lips while shaking his head in frustration, he tried to avoid eye contact with you but failed once you softly caressed his cheek, making him calm down a bit.

“If that asshole lays a finger on you, I promise I’m going to kill him.” He muttered as his breathing got slower.

“Sarah is going to be there,” you said and grabbed his hand, “and so will my parents JJ. It’s just one night and then Rafe will be out of our lives.”

His eyes softened as you kept caressing his cheek and holding his hand. You watched as he slightly nodded, knowing he was still not trusting Rafe.

“Let’s go home okay?” You whispered before giving him a light kiss.

The two of you went to your house, not really bothering on letting your friends know you weren’t going back to the beach. You were probably going to send a text later to Kie explaining her everything. Right now all you cared about was calming JJ down and letting him know things were going to be alright.

Once you were in the comfort of your bedroom you decided to grab some beers from the fridge to loosen up a bit and forget the tension that had built a few minutes ago.

You knew JJ was still upset and angry since he wasn’t really talking.

“Last to finish their beer has to cook dinner.” You playfully winked at him before taking a big gulp of your beer.

You noticed JJ take a sip of his beer, not really following your little game to cheer things up.

“JJ come on,” you sat down on the bed next to him, “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you last night.”

“It’s not only that Y/N,” he said softly this time, “it’s the fact you always tell me your relationship with him was bad and I know there’s something about him you’ve been hiding from me.”

You didn’t know what to say so you just stared at your bed covers.

“Do you see?” JJ went on, “How can I trust you completely if you can’t even trust me?”

“I do trust you JJ,” you sighed, “I just,”

You took a deep breath, thinking about the right way to tell him.

“I have never talked about this to anyone because it scares me.”

His eyebrows furrowed as he moved closer to you.

“What do you mean Y/N?” He softly grabbed your hand.

“I just don’t know how to say it.” Your voice trembled and you felt your eyes start to tear up, JJ immediately cupping your face.

“Hey Y/N,” he whispered, “you can trust me, I’ll take care of you.”

You stared at his eyes while letting a few tears fall down your face. The two of you had already seen each other at your most vulnerable times and that’s what had made you feel so close to him.

You knew you had to tell JJ, you knew it was time to let it out, even if it scared you and even if you knew JJ would probably lose his shit.

You took a deep breath.

“I didn’t really want to do it with him,” your voice was low and soft and you noticed JJ’s jaw clench as he realised what you were talking about, “but I didn’t know how to tell him.”

You fought back the tears as you remembered the first time you had sex with Rafe and how you knew you weren’t ready but he somehow convinced you.

“It’s not like I told him I didn’t want to,” your voice trembled again, “I just let him do it because he was my boyfriend at the time even though I didn’t want to, and after the first time I didn’t want to do it again, but when I told him he got mad at me and he started hanging out with other girls so I just,”

You paused to stare at JJ, his eyes were once again filled with anger but there were also tears in them. His hand was still holding yours tightly, giving you the trust and confidence to keep going.

“I just did it again with him until I learnt to kind of enjoy it I guess? But there were more times I didn’t want to do it than times I did want to, and it just haunts me.”

You let the tears fall down as you felt a weight being lifted from your shoulders.

“JJ?” You asked once you noticed he remained silent, his eyes filled with tears and not leaving yours.

“That piece of shit.” He muttered as he trembled with rage.

“JJ,”

“I’m going to kill him.” He spat out coldly.

“JJ I told you this because I trust you, please,” you cupped his face, “stay out of this.”

“Are you kidding me Y/N?” He raised his eyebrows at you, “My fist on his face is the least I could to him to make him pay for what he did.”

“He never forced me to do it.”

“But he manipulated you Y/N.”

“I know that now,” you sighed, “but I didn’t know that back then.”

He nodded and bit his lip but you grabbed his face and made him stare straight into your eyes.

“I’m a different person now JJ, I’ve learnt from it.”

Just when his tears were about to fall down his face, he wrapped his arms around you, making you let out all the tears you were fighting back and feeling safe in his embrace.

“I will never hurt you Y/N,” he sobbed against your neck, “I’ll always take care of you.”

You weren’t even able to let out the words you wanted to tell him, you wanted to tell him how much you loved him but the words just wouldn’t come out because of your loud sobbing.

“I’ll be there.” He whispered once he let go of the embrace and cupped your face.

“What are you talking about?” You asked while wiping away the last tears falling from his eyes.

“I’m going to the party and I’ll be watching over you and I don’t care if your parents hate me for that.”

You smiled with tears in your eyes before nodding and softly placing your lips against his.

———————-

CH.12

A/N: I touched a pretty sensitive topic this chapter and I really want to talk about this. unwanted consensual sex (also known as gray zone sex) is a thing that happens to so many people and it’s not talked about enough. one of my closest friends experienced this and it has affected her sexual relationships deeply. if you’ve ever been through something like this please know that you’re not alone and you can always talk to me. you should never feel pressured to do sexual intercourse or any other sexual activities by anyone, not even your partner.

sorry for all the mess that’s been going on with my tumblr, I honestly don’t know what happened but tumblr support apparently already fixed it...

thank u so much if you’re still reading this story, means a lot!

——————–

[sevlgi]

never been yours

requested: yes

group: red velvet

pairing: seulgi x fem!reader

genre: angst, questionable fluff

contents: college!au, best friend!seulgi, based on huh gak’s empty words mv.

warnings: none

synopsis: It’s so painful to be in love with Seulgi when you know she’ll never be yours.

a/n: this mv and and song were both so beautiful, I hope I did them justice! please request more drabbles based on mv’s, this one was so fun to write.

word count: 3.3k

You once thought love would be beautiful.

It is, but it’s not beautiful in the way that most think it is- soft smiles and touches, sweet words and tender glances. People think love is butterflies, the kind of fluttering in your stomach that makes you blush and makes your cheeks hurt from smiling.

Even you thought it would be like that once. You thought love would be the thing that made you smile when you cried, the best thing to ever happen to you.

And you’ve had plenty of those moments with Seulgi, in the very beginning of your feelings for her, back when it was just a simple crush. You’ve laughed together in art class, exchanged smiles that lingered too long to be just between friends.

She has been your light in the darkness, the person who never fails to make you smile. She’s the one you’re in love with, the one you wish could be yours.

But now that you’re in deep, painfully in love with someone who’ll never feel the same way about you, you know that love isn’t beautiful in that way at all.

Instead, love is being so so so close to someone but still feeling hundreds of miles away. It’s clutching on to memories of good times that might have been just a dream, and feeling empty when you’re by yourself.

It’s watching the love of your life slip just out of your grasp. It’s smiling painfully at your best friend who’ll never feel the same way about you, and it is the sound of crystal shattering on the concrete floor.

Love is something that has never been yours, just like her.

“Y/N, happy birthday!” Seulgi laughs, throwing her arms around your neck in a hug that’s more of a squeeze with how tight it is. 

You can’t stop the grin tugging at your lips as you let your hands linger on her waist for a little too long, pulling back to admire the way her smile crinkles her eyes into crescent shapes. She’s so beautiful. “Thank you. You didn’t have to get a gift…”

“Of course I did,” your best friend scoffs as she takes a seat across from you. It’s too hard to find time for an actual birthday celebration when both of you are busy students in college, so you’re settling for a lunch together outside of campus. To you, anything’s perfect as long as it’s with Seulgi.

The murmur of chatter around you in the restaurant is mere white noise as you stare at the pretty blue box on the table between the two of you. “Come on, open it.”

You’re too gentle with it, fingers tugging too lightly at the white ribbon tied in a bow on the top that Seulgi just laughs and takes it from you to unwrap it herself. 

Inside, resting on black velvet, are two bracelets, matching ones made of delicate silver with pink crystal shapes. “You like them? They’re for us,” Seulgi tells you, observing you.

“I…” They’re perfect, you want to say. Like you. “Of course, they’re so pretty.”

She smiles again, that adorable scrunch of her nose making you feel warm and sweet inside. “Thank god! It’s long overdue, we deserve something like this. You’re the best best friend anyone could wish for, you know?”

“Of course,” you laugh, but it sounds empty even to you. “You’re perfect too. The perfect best friend.” Not just best friend. 

“We’re going to be best friends forever, you know,” Seulgi continues, motioning for you to hold out your hand. Chills run up your spine when her fingers brush against your skin as she rolls your sleeve up. “You and me. We’ll never be apart.”

You try to mirror the sweetness in her grin. “Yeah. Never.”

The words are bittersweet in your mouth, and the taste of jjajangmyeon can’t mask it. The two of you might never be apart, but Seulgi will also never be yours, not in the way you want her to be.

Does the silver of the bracelet feel like ice against her skin too?

You head to the student center on campus after lunch to play games, joining a few other of your friends. They give you their little presents and coo over the matching bracelets you wear. 

Sooyoung and Yerim are sweet, but you’re transfixed on Seulgi, who always seems to shine the brightest to you. “Yah, Y/N, pay attention to the game!” your friend Sooyoung nudges you. She’s the one on your team, insisting that you and Seulgi have too much chemistry to be fair. “What’re you staring at?”

“Sorry,” you mumble, returning to the game of jenga on the table in front of you. 

Yerim laughs lightly beside Seulgi, who smiles at you comfortingly, teasing, “Sooyoung-ah, don’t give her such a hard time. She’s helping me win!”

“Am not,” you manage to protest. “You’re not that important!”

Holding a hand to her heart, your best friend makes an offended face. “And here I thought I was your best friend. I’m hurt!”

Despite how ridiculously fake you know Seulgi’s expression is, you catch yourself wanting to apologize. Thankfully, you’re saved by everyone looking to the entrance, where two boys stand. One waves at your friend group, and Sooyoung waves back.

“Who’re they?” you ask, not liking the way the other one smiles at Seulgi. 

Yerim waves them over. “The one who waved is Kyunggu, he’s in one of my classes. His friend, I don’t know, but the more the merrier, right?”

You don’t respond, the smile barely hanging on when Kyunggu’s friend introduces himself as Doyoung and ends up sitting next to Seulgi. He talks so easily with your best friend, conversation flowing as easily as when she talks to you.

It’s there again, the bitter taste of jealousy coating your tongue and forcing the smile off your face. You can’t muster up even the fakest smile, earning you a few concerned glances from your friends.

You have to remind yourself, Seulgi isn’t yours. She’s just a best friend, and Doyoung is just a new person she’s being friendly to.

It hurts to remind yourself over and over again.

“I don’t know, he’s just so sweet and cute!” Seulgi continues, mostly ignoring the food in front of her. Usually, you’d be happy to listen to her ramble, but not when she’s going on about Doyoung. “He’s a perfect gentleman.”

“I’m sure he is.” It feels like you’re forcing the words out. “Are you going to date him?”

Seulgi looks out the window with a dreamy expression on her face, chin resting on her palm. “Maybe, if he asks me out. Do you like anyone yet?”

I love you. “No.” You stab at the rice in your bowl with your chopsticks. I love you I love you I love you. “It doesn’t sound all that interesting to me. Love’s overrated.”

“L-love?” she sputters,, face growing redder. “Who said anything about love? I just like him, that’s all.”

You roll your eyes, avoiding meeting Seulgi’s eyes in case she can see the lie. “Sure.” Like a spell had been cast just by saying his name, Doyoung appears at the entrance to the cafeteria, and you hate the way your best friend lights up at the sight of him.

“Doyoung, over here!”

He smiles at the both of you, but you don’t miss the way it’s different when he smiles at Seulgi. “Hi. Can I sit?”

“Can you?” you mumble under your breath, but you plaster on a fake smile when he looks at you. “Of course. Want me to grab you a chair?”

“That’s really nice of you,” he grins back. There’s logically no reason to hate him; he’s perfectly nice and a great fit for your best friend. But it hurts, and you press your fingers to your sternum when you walk away to try and quell the feeling in your gut.

The two of them are already laughing together when you walk back with the chair, Doyoung looking perfectly natural in your chair. He offers to vacate it for you, but you tell him it’s okay when it’s not.

It’s not okay for you to be feeling like this, not when he’s nice and sweet and everything Seulgi looks for in boys. It’s not okay for you to be feeling like this about your best friend, but you can’t find it in you to walk away from her.

You’ll do anything not to lose her.

Seulgi brings you along to a hangout with Doyoung, Kyunggu, and some of their other friends a few days later. They end up deciding to play basketball, and Seulgi, being the bubbly and charismatic girl she is, plays with them while you sit on the sidelines.

You hate how adorable she is when she grins and claps happily after scoring, hate the butterflies in your stomach when she laughs and waves at you. 

If this is love, you don’t want it. You don’t want to feel this way ever again, don’t want to feel the emptiness in your chest when Doyoung’s hands skim over Seulgi’s waist.

But you can’t find it in you to say no to her, even when she invites you to another hangout at Doyoung’s dorm the next week. It’s just playing video games together, and Doyoung is incredibly nice when he offers soda and snacks to both of you.

You manage to enjoy yourself when you’re playing, but you can only smile painfully when they put on music and dance together after the game’s over.

If only you could be in Doyoung’s position, the one dancing and laughing with her, you know you’d give Seulgi the world. But there’s no way she could ever feel the same way about you, so you can only hope that he gives her the world in your place.

Because that’s what she deserves, even if you won’t be the one to give it.

Seulgi slips away, piece by piece by piece, like sand trickling through your fingers.

You don’t mean to let her, even amidst the business of college. You mean to hold her as tight and close as you can, invite her for lunch whenever you can and go over to her dorm to just talk together, but all of a sudden, she’s always busy.

She can’t have lunch with you because she’s hanging out with Doyoung, or she can’t come over because she’s already at his dorm.

It hurts every time, like little glass shards being stabbed through your skin, but you always smile and wave her away.

You see her at the park one day, a lone figure sitting on a bench with golden leaves drifting down around her. Of course you lift your hand and open your mouth to shout for her attention, but she’s suddenly joined by a tall, short-haired figure.

She was never yours, but she feels so much farther away all of a sudden, and you hate it. You hate all of it, the urge to kiss her whenever you see her, the way you can’t stop smiling even at her dumbest jokes.

There’s no point to any of it, not when you’ve loved her for so long. It’s not something you just forget, and even though it hurts so much, you don’t think you want to forget, either.

Art class without Seulgi is no fun, and not just because you feel empty without her by your side. The room is so much quieter when there isn’t her laughter echoing off the walls, her silly jokes that always make you smile.

Doyoung’s in the class too, but he’s so much harder to ignore when Seulgi isn’t there to distract him. He tries to talk to you, but conversation is so stilted that he gives up.

Even your painting reminds you of her, the burgundy red you chose the same color as her sweater the day she promised to be your best friend forever. The brown is like her eyes, glittering golden under the light, and the pale pink looks like the crystal on the bracelet that you don’t have the heart to take off.

You stare at that painting for longer than you should have, and the sky is dark by the time you’re strolling in the hallways on your way back to your dorm.

It’s not rare to see couples on the benches at this time of day, but something makes you stop to stare at the two on the bench a few feet away from you.

Your heart seems to break cleanly into two when you realize who they are- Seulgi, delicate hands on Doyoung’s neck as he kisses her, eyes fluttering shut.

All feeling seems to escape from your legs, and you tumble to the concrete floor, back against the rough wall of the hallway. You’re numb to the slight pain in your knees, only feeling the sour feeling in your nose and the hot tears welling up.

You try to hold in your sobs so that they don’t hear you, staring at the ceiling in a futile attempt to push the tears back. Your fingers tremble as you unclasp the bracelet on your wrist, the metal clasp finally releasing with a click.

It feels like you’re treading on your own heart when you drop the piece of jewelry to the ground, a piece of crystal shattering immediately. But the thought of the same bracelet on Seulgi’s wrist as she kisses Doyoung makes you run, the image of shattered pink crystal on concrete burned into your eyes.

You cry for what seems like days when you get to your dorm. It probably is days; your roommate doesn’t question you when she sees the tears spilling over, just hands you a pillow for you to muffle your sobs into and closes your bedroom door once you disappear inside. She brings tea and food occasionally, but you can’t find it in you to eat.

The buzzes of your phone fill the silence, punctuated by the occasional sob, but you ignore them. You consider flinging it across the room when you see messages from Seulgi, but decide against it in favor of just crying your feelings out.

You don’t know why it hurts so much, why something that’s supposed to be the most joyous thing in the world is the most painful feeling to you. Every tear that slips out burns your skin, and every rattling sob only pains you, but the crying is therapeutic. Maybe. 

But of course, fate is never in your favor; mere minutes after you manage to calm your tears, your roommate knocks to tell you Seulgi’s here.

You barely bother with makeup to cover the redness of your nose; you can’t disguise the swelling of your eyes anyway, and it doesn’t matter. Seulgi would never feel the same about you, not when she has a cute boy to kiss, so it doesn’t matter how you look.

When her eyes widen in shock and concern at the sight of you, you almost regret it, but you can barely muster up a smile for her as the two of you head out of the dorm in favor of strolling through the halls.

It’s silent at first, a kind of awkwardness hanging in the air between the two of you that you’ve never felt before with Seulgi. Finally, she breaks the silence by whispering, “Were… were you crying?”

“Yeah.” You’ve never been one to lie to her, not when it’s always so easy for her to see through you. “Don’t worry though.”

“How can I not?” There seems to be a sob building up in Seulgi’s throat, and you turn to her to confirm it. She’s staring at your wrist, bare of the bracelet you shattered nearly a week ago, and there are tears glimmering in her eyes. “Y/N...”

Sticking your hand into the pocket of your jacket, you hide your wrist so that Seulgi’s forced to meet your eyes again. “It’s nothing. Seriously. Just… concentrate on your boyfriend and be happy.”

“My boyfriend?” Seulgi repeats, eyebrows furrowing. Realization dawns on her just a few seconds later, mouth opening in a soft ‘o’. “Y/N, it’s not what you think!”

You can’t stop the scoff that slips out, the roll of your eyes that only brings more tears to Seulgi’s eyes. “So, you were just kissing Doyoung as friends? That’s what friends do now?”

The brunette shakes her head so fast that you don’t know how she isn’t dizzy already. “It’s not! I… I thought I had feelings for him, and that’s why I let him kiss me…”

“And what? You don’t have feelings for him anymore?” you sneer. You don’t mean to sound so bitter, but you also can’t deny that it’s how you feel. You’re so, so bitter that Seulgi isn’t yours, that you can’t be the one to kiss her under a full moon and have her hands on you. “Isn’t he ‘so sweet and cute’? Isn’t he the perfect gentleman and everything you ever wanted and-”

Everything happens in a flash; Seulgi’s hands are suddenly fisted in your shirt to pull you forward, and her mouth is on yours as you stumble. She doesn’t kiss like you thought she would, lips soft and tasting like sweet vanilla sugar.

No, Seulgi kisses you hard enough to bruise, all lips and teeth and tongue. Even when you relent, your own hands resting on her waist, her hands are still scrunched in your shirt so hard that her knuckles are white.

It ends too quickly, leaving you gasping for air, but Seulgi pulls back to almost shout at you, “He is, but it felt wrong. It felt so wrong to kiss him, when you’re the one I’m in love with!”

“Wh-”

“No, you’re going to let me talk,” she demands, her eyes shining with a fervency you’ve never seen before. “You think I haven’t noticed? You’ve been acting so tortured, so caught up in your own world! Even Sooyoung and Yerim noticed, on your birthday. Hell, even Doyoung noticed!”

Even Doyoung- “But most of all, I noticed,” Seulgi says, the words sounding uncharacteristically harsh. “I notice everything about you, Y/N, because I love you, and I think you love me. These past few months weren’t just hard for you, they were hard for me too. It hurts me to watch you destroy yourself like this just because you aren’t brave enough to tell me how you feel!”

“I…” Your brain seems to be short-circuiting, Seulgi pushing you up against the wall. The usually carefree girl looks desperate, the tears shining in her eyes maybe more angry than sad. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, I just… I never thought you loved me back.”

“Because I hide it better than you.” There seems to be tears slipping down your cheeks too, the taste of salt on your lips. “Because I wanted to see if you would fight for me! I want to be yours, but you’ve never made a move.”

You gain enough control of your limbs to be the one to tug Seulgi toward you this time, pressing your lips together again. “Then why didn’t you?” you breathe out, the words soft as you’re mere inches away from her. “Why didn’t you make the move?”

“I was scared too, dummy,” she admits, biting her lower lip gently. You don’t ever want to move from this position, your hands cupping her face and hers linked behind your back. “We were both scared.”

“Maybe we shouldn’t have been scared,” you laugh lightly. “We should’ve just made a move. And you can be mine now, if you want.”

Seulgi smiles again, tugging you so close that your bodies are flush. “Yours.”

And when you kiss again, it isn’t hard at all, not like before, but the gentleness with which you handle each other will stay much longer than a bruise.

Because you’re determined not to let go of her again. Because Seulgi is finally yours, and you’re hers, and maybe you were wrong that she was never yours.

Maybe she always was.

[t0wnspersonb]

Don’t Hold Back (Iwaizumi Hajime x Reader)

Anonymous said:

Hi there 🦋anon here! Would It be posible to request a scenario in which iwizumi s/o is an ice skater and she has a pretty bad fall during a competition resulting in her getting her ankle pretty bad injured and has a result is not allowed to skate for months. As a consequence she starts doubting her abilities for sports, she is scared of junping and making figures and tries to hide it from him until one day she collapses unable to hold it back anymore but iwa is still there for her? Please!

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Word Count: 2,171

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I apologize if this is absolute shit anon and that it took so long for me to write it😭😭😭 I know it’s been a while since I’ve posted anything new so I apologize for that too! I’ll hopefully be updating more, I’m finally looking through my inbox and seeing what I want to write. I’ll be doing two more requests before I close it. I have a couple more stories I want to get out. I will let you guys know when I’ll be taking more requests! I hope you guys like this one and please give me some feedback:)

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“Does that hurt?” the doctor looked at you expectantly, carefully rotating your ankle.

 You shook your head.

 “Good. It looks like the physical therapy has paid off. I was worried that the surgeries weren’t -”

 You had stopped listening at that point, your eyes trained on the window behind the doctor. A brightly colored butterfly floated effortlessly in the wind, its wings beating softly as it fluttered about.

 That was how you were on the ice; it was effortless, elegant, beautiful, it was everything that butterfly was… until you ruined it all.

 Six months.

 You haven't skated in six months.

 All because of your ruined ankle.

 After three surgeries, countless hours of physical therapy, heartache, and far too many tears, you were finally at this moment.

 So then why did you feel so incredibly empty?

 Why weren’t you excited?

 “- with the right precautions and easing your way back in, I don’t see why you can’t begin skating.” the doctor finished, giving you an encouraging smile. 

 “O-Oh. Really?” you stuttered out nervously.

 “Of course. But like I said, you need to ease your way in, I don’t recommend doing any competitions just yet. But an hour or two on the ice won’t hurt.” He said thoughtfully.

 You simply nodded.

 The rest of the checkup finished in a blur and you found yourself walking on the sidewalk, deep in thought.

 It was wintertime, your hands were stuffed deep into your coat pockets as you trudged through the snow.

 Normally you loved this kind of weather, but recently… recently the gloomy weather seemed to seep into your very being, leaving you exhausted and cold.

 “Hey.” a familiar voice called out, you looked up to see Iwaizumi leaning against the entrance to the park you were planning to go to. A place you often frequented when you wanted to be alone, when you wanted to think.

 “Hi.” you said quietly, walking towards the tall ace. Iwaizumi didn’t say anything as you pressed your head into his chest, nor did he make any movement to pull you closer.

 You guys just stood there.

 “Why didn’t you text me back? I was going to pick you up from the hospital.” he finally said once you pulled away.

 You guys began making your way into the park, sitting down on the swings.

 “I’m sorry.” You said softly, eyes casting up to the dark sky. It was snowing again, meaning that you should head home soon. “I didn’t even bother looking at my phone. Too much on my mind.”

 “Well what did the doctor say?” he asked, his gloved hands holding onto the chains linked to the seat.

 “Said I could start skating again. Slowly. No competitions for a while.” You said, frowning slightly.

 “That’s good though. You haven’t been on the ice in months.” Iwaizumi said pointedly.

 “Yeah. It just seems weird… like it’s been years rather than months.” You sighed.

 You felt a gloved hand gently pull a strand of hair away from your face. Iwaizumi gazed at you with a soft expression.

 “Well don’t push yourself. We don’t need you falling again and breaking your ass or something.” he said, smirking as you laughed at his statement.

 “Or something.” You repeated, eyes glancing down at your snow-covered shoes now. 

 “Shut up.” he rolled his eyes, tousling your hair, causing you to pout and push at him. “It’s going to be fine. You need to calm down. I better get going, Crappykawa wants everyone to meet up for practice early today.” 

 He stood up, dusting the snow off his pants before he grabbed the chains right above your hands, he leaned down closer to your face.

 “Kiss me.” he demanded, staring into your blushing face, while you wanted to blame it on the freezing weather, both of you knew exactly why you were blushing.

 “This is a public place.” you countered back, your heart racing in your chest at his demand, and how close he was to you.

 All thoughts of skating and your injury went out of your mind, and all you could think about was Iwaizumi now.

 The sly bastard.

 He knew you too well.

 “And?” he scoffed, carefully grabbing your chin. “You’re my girlfriend. It’s not like that’s indecent.”

 Before you could counter his lips were already on yours. They were cold and slightly chapped, but his mouth fitted against yours perfectly. He angled your face up more, causing the kiss to deepen.

 Your hands gripped at the front of his coat, either to pull him closer or to shove him away, you weren’t sure. But the kiss ended far too soon for your liking.

 “Get home safe. I’ll call you after practice.” he said huskily, pressing his lips to your forehead briefly before pulling away completely.

 That man was incredibly infuriating. 

 But you loved him anyway.

 It was like fate the way you guys ended up dating. Your friend had dragged you to one of Aoba Johsai’s games, she was crazy over their captain and had hoped to talk to him afterwards.

 But you were completely disinterested, you couldn’t care less about the sport, or any sport for that matter. If it didn’t involve figure skating, it didn’t matter to you.

 And then you saw him play.

 You were always a sucker for muscular ruffians. It was his arms that drew you in.

 When the team won, you and your friend found yourself in front of the captain of the team and captain muscles.

 Once you laughed at his ridiculous comments aimed at Oikawa, the rest was history. You guys hit it off instantly and soon began dating.

 You thought that it was going to be hard at first, considering how busy you guys were, but it worked out somehow.

 You appreciated all the effort and support he put in the relationship. Iwaizumi was your rock, a constant comfort in your life.

 You knew that he was worried about you, ever since your injury you knew you were being distant but… you couldn’t help it. You also didn’t mean to either. It just happened.

 Figure skating was your entire life, something that you’ve done since you were little. You were damn good at it too. It was the competition right before nationals when you injured your ankle.

 You were crushed.

 It was a simple mistake too. A jump that caused your complete downfall. 

 You didn’t want to skate anymore. You didn’t want to taste that humiliating defeat again, you didn’t want to feel powerless anymore. You remembered the comments, the circling doubt that after you healed, you wouldn’t be in the top anymore.

 You hated it all.

 So then why were you here?

 You stared at the rink, the ice was smooth and ready to be used… but… you felt sick to your stomach.

 It had been several weeks since the doctor’s visit. 

 You wanted to get out of the house for a bit and then you found yourself here, at the skating rink. Where you had spent countless hours and countless days practicing.

 But it was now or, never right?

 You had to find out. This was the moment that was going to determine if you were going to continue skating.

 Carefully you set yourself on the ice. Your lower lip ached from the way you were biting it so hard. 

 Then you started to move, gliding against the ice easily, like a fish in water. 

 It felt familiar. 

 It felt good.

 It felt free.

 You felt truly free in this moment, your eyes slipping shut as you moved around.

 Maybe… maybe you could still do this. Your heart has never felt lighter until now.

 This was what you were missing. 

 Feeling a bit more confident, you decided to try a triple Salchow. 

 Your form was wonderful, the spins were graceful… but then. Fuck. You panicked when it came to the landing which caused you to fall on your bad ankle.

 You could feel your lower lip quiver as you stared at your hands placed on the ice. Your ankle throbbed in pain for a moment before subsiding.

 But your heart was throbbing in pain now. 

 You couldn’t do it. 

 You failed.

 Again.

 Frustration and anger gripped at your heart; tears were now falling onto the ice below you. 

 You screamed, your hand balling up into a fist, your knuckles slamming down into the ice as you cried out in anger.

 You didn’t even notice the pain in your hand now, nor the blood dripping down your fingers when your skin split. 

 “Y/n!” a strong familiar hand grabbed your bloody fist, preventing you from hurting yourself further.

 You looked up into familiar dark eyes. Iwaizumi was staring at you in worry. 

 “What are you doing?” he scolded, tenderly uncurling your fist, assessing the damage. “You idiot! Look at your hand! Why would you do this to yourself?”

 “I can’t do this anymore.” you whispered angrily, wiping at your eyes with your good hand.

 “What are you talking about?” He frowned.

 “I can’t skate anymore Hajime!” You wailed out, the emotions you were suppressing, the emotions you kept hidden from him, came bursting out. “I can’t do this! I’m not good anymore! I failed! I can’t jump! How can I be a figure skater when I can’t jump!? I’m a failure!”

 “SHUT UP!” Iwaizumi roared, causing your hysterical words to die down. Was he… was he actually mad at you right now?

 “You’re being stupid.” he scowled, his eyes gazing at you with intensity. “Of course, you can’t jump right now. You just got the okay from your doctor to start skating again! You shouldn’t even be trying to jump right now!”

 You sniffed softly, remaining silent as he continued to scold you. 

 “You were supposed to ease into it! If you mess up your ankle again you definitely won’t be able to skate anymore, is that what you want!?”

 “How can I start skating again when I know I’ll just fail! How can I start skating again when everyone in the competition believes that I can’t make it!?” you snapped back, tears welling up in your eyes again.

 Iwaizumi’s angry expression melted into something incredibly soft as he stared at your tearstained face. 

 “What are you talking about babe?” he cupped your jaw carefully, gently titling your face up so he could look at you properly. “You’re not a failure. No one is doubting your abilities but yourself.” his rough fingers wiped at your tears softly. “So, what that you injured yourself? Accidents like that happen all the time. Look at Shittykawa and his knee. An injury isn’t a reflection of what you’re capable of. Everyone knows that you’re an amazing figure skater. Everyone is waiting for you to get back on the ice. But you can’t rush it.”

 His eyes softened further as he took in your beautiful face. “You need to take things slow; I won’t let you injure yourself again. I definitely won’t let you quit either. Besides you really think that I would be dating you if you weren’t an incredible athlete? I don’t date losers babe.” he teased, smiling once you began giggling softly at his statement.

 He pulled you into a gentle hug, his muscular arms securing around your shoulders easily, pulling you against his chest.

 Your fingers gripped at the sides of his jacket, burying your face into his warm chest. His familiar cologne filled your nose, easing the tightness in your chest and filling you with warmth.

 “Don’t hide your feelings from me.” he mumbled, a soft blush coating his cheeks as he stared off towards the far wall. “I want you to tell me these things. Don’t keep me in the dark, I can’t be a good boyfriend if you don’t tell me what’s bothering you.”

 He grabbed your shoulders, carefully pushing you away so he could stare at you once more. “Rely on me more.”

 You stared at him in awe. Your heart thumping in your chest pleasantly. Iwaizumi was the epitome of your ideal man. You loved him completely.

 “You’re so manly Haji.” You blurted out, red rushing to your cheeks at your confession.

 “S-Shut up stupid!” he scowled, looking away from you. He liked that though, he liked that a lot, fuck why were you so cute?

 You couldn’t help but reach up, softly pecking his flushed cheek. He looked at you in shock until he grabbed your face, his mouth pressing against yours in a searing kiss.

 The kiss spoke volumes in how you guys felt about each other. The admiration of each other's strengths, the mutual adoration and love you guys shared. It was all said in that kiss.

 “That’s disgusting Iwa-chan! Other people use this rink!” a familiar voice called out. 

 The kiss ended all too soon, and your sweet boyfriend turned incredibly angry.

 “Shut the hell up Shittykawa! You’re such a crappy guy! At least I have a girlfriend!” he snapped angrily. 

 “That’s mean Iwa-chan!” 

 “Go die!”

 He was definitely the man of your dreams.

[originalhybridloverfics]

Ch 5 Don’t Give Up Now

A/N: Sorry for the long wait. My only excuse is life has been busy for me and I get distracted easily with a muse that is all over the place.

“Serkan, Hi,” Eda’s voice filtered over the phone. 

Serkan let out the breath he didn’t realize he was holding. 

“Eda,” he said. 

“I wanted to apologize. I was being intentionally difficult. I shouldn’t have left dinner the way I did. The truth is it’s hard for me seeing you again and I’m struggling to leave our past behind us.”

“I understand.” And Serkan did. He did not come here to make things harder for her. “I didn’t come here to hurt you Eda or make your life more difficult. If you truly don’t want to see me-” 

“No, I do,” Eda assured him. “It’s just not going to be easy but I want to try and be civil. We’re not enemies, Serkan and I want to have a good working relationship. A professional one.” 

A professional relationship wasn’t what he wanted but he could work with that and with time he hoped Eda’s heart would soften toward him and she would remember how good they are together. 

“If that’s what you want but I want you to know you will always be more to me than a business associate.” 

“Serkan, please, I’m trying here. Let’s not make this difficult.” Eda said and Serkan heard the catch in her voice. 

“Okay,” he conceded. “Okay.” 

“I thought we could go for coffee, set some boundaries while we are working together on your project,” Eda said. “I promise, I’ll be on my best behavior. You can even pick me up.” 

Serkan felt hope surge inside him. “I’d like that. Tomorrow. I’ll pick you up around 8.” 

“Okay, I’ll see you, then. Good night, Serkan.” 

“Good night, Eda Yildiz.” Serkan returned, a smile pulling at his mouth as the call ended. 

He lowered his phone, placed it beside him, rubbing the top of Sirius’s head. “Not all hope is lost. Maybe, I can convince her to come back here before the day is over tomorrow. Would you like to see, Eda?” 

Sirius’s ears perked up, his tail wagging, and Serkan imagined if dogs could smile then that would be Sirius’s reaction right now. 

“I thought so,” Serkan rubbed Sirius’s head, allowing the presence of his dog to wash over him, calming him. 

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ 

Eda pulled the phone away, a smile pulling at her lips.

It was ridiculous but she had missed hearing Serkan tell her good night. The way he said it, said her name, still brought a smile to her face. 

She had decided to give Ceren's advice a chance. 

If she wanted to know why Serkan was there she needed to approach the situation differently.

How did the metaphor go? You catch more flies with honey than vinegar.  

She would be charming and kind and everything Serkan fell in love with the first time. 

She will get close to him and learn why he’s here and then she will get him to go back to Instanbul and let her live her life without his interference. 

She clutched her phone in her hand. 

A twinge of guilt seeped beneath her skin at her plans of deception but she pushed it down, telling herself if Serkan would just be honest she wouldn’t have to resort to playing these games with him. 

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Eda swept her hair over her shoulder, giving herself a look over. 

Black mini shorts, white top, jean jacket. She looked good, the outfit itself was a strategic move on her part. 

Serkan loved her long legs and they never failed to distract him and she wanted him off balance. 

The more off-balance he was the better. 

The one thing she did not need was Serkan seeing through her and realizing what her plan was before she got what she wanted from him. The truth. 

Her phone vibrated on her vanity and she reached for it. A text message notification from Serkan. 

She opened the text. 

I’m waiting outside. 

She sent him a text back. 

On my way out. 

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ 

Serkan slipped his phone into his jacket pocket and leaned against his car door. Waiting. 

He looked up when he felt a shift in the air. 

Eda was descending the stairs, she looked beautiful, the shorts she wore, showing off her gorgeous legs. 

He was glad he was not wearing his health monitoring watch for he knew without a doubt it would be giving away the fact that his heart was pounding against his ribs at the sight of her. “Good morning," he moved around to the passenger side door and held it open for her. 

“Good morning,” Eda got into the passenger seat and Serkan closed it behind her before rounding the car and getting behind the wheel. 

“Any recommendations for a good place to get coffee?” Serkan asked, starting the car up. 

“There’s this place a few blocks from work. It’s warm, quiet, and has the best coffee around.” Eda answered. “I’ll guide you.” 

Serkan pulled onto the road, his eyes drifting to Eda, a smile pulling at his lips, seeing her dark hair blowing in the wind. 

He had missed their car rides. It was something entirely theirs and held a special place in his heart. 

It was something shared between them but for him, it was so much more than that. 

Eda looked over at him when he looked back to the road, watching him.

It was surreal, experiencing something she never would again, and wasn’t sure how she felt about it. 

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ 

Serkan pulled out her chair, looking around at the outside terrace. It was secluded, quiet, and beautiful overlooking a garden with a fountain. 

Eda took a seat thanking him as he pushed her chair in. She raised her arm waving at the barista.

Serkan took his seat, straightening out his jacket just as the barista reached the table. 

“Good morning, Eda.” The barista had long brown hair, with highlights of gold at the end, she turned to Serkan. “Good morning, Sir.” 

“Good morning.”

She smiled and turned back to Eda. “Coffee and a cinnamon roll.”

“You know me so well, Nazil.” Eda smiled. 

“You enjoy your sweets.” Nazil turned back to Serkan. “And for you?”

“Coffee, no sugar,” he paused, he was feeling a little nauseated. It was becoming a common feeling. “And some crackers if you have some.” Hopefully, something light would ease his stomach. 

“I’ll be back in just a moment.” Nazil offers another friendly smile. 

“You come here regularly?” Serkan wondered as Nazil stepped away to fill their orders. 

“A few times a week,” Eda answered. “Nazil and I have actually become good friends. She was my first friend here in Italy besides Efe.” 

Serkan felt his gut churned at the mention of Efe. “Let’s not talk about him.” 

“You know you will be spending time together, Serkan. I mean, you’re working together.” 

“No, I am not working with him. I am working with you. There’s a difference.” Serkan countered.

“It’s his company.” Eda reminded him. 

“Yes but you are the one I ask to work with. Any involvement from Efe would be nothing more than a formality.” Serkan responded. 

“You have an answer for everything, don’t you.” 

“Yes.” Serkan's lips pulled into a grin. 

Eda shook her head, a laugh pulling at her lips. “It doesn’t work that way.”

“It will when I bring in Engin, Piril, and Leyla to help the project along,” Serkan informed. 

“You can’t just bring in people into a company you have no say in. Yes, you're an important client but there’s a line.” Eda reasoned. 

“May I remind you, I am Serkan Bolat. The PR from me coming to Efe for my business is good media and promotion for him. It would not be wise to not allow me to appoint my own workers.”

Eda sighed. She had forgotten how stubborn Serkan could be and how set he was in having things go exactly as he planned. 

“Then can I expect to see Engin, Piril, and Leyla today?” Eda asked. 

“Yes, they will meet us at the office.” Serkan nodded. 

“We could call them and have them meet us here,” Eda suggested. “We can work out on the details here now that way we can present it to Efe in a logical manner.” 

“No,” Serkan shook his head. He wanted this time to be just them, he would deal with everything else later. “Let it just be us,” 

“Us?” Eda repeated and nodded slowly. “Okay. Let today be the day of the start of our new relationship.” 

Serkan smiled widely. “Relationship?”

Eda’s cheeks heated. “Working relationship. Strictly platonic.” 

Serkan nodded. “Right. I would prefer an offer with friendship. I care about you more than you would a co-worker.”

“Friendship?” Eda asked, telling herself to ignore the way her heart had reacted when he spoke of caring about her.” 

“Yes,” Serkan nodded. “Do you think we can do that? Be friends?” 

Eda froze up, feeling like she had been put on the spot. 

Friends. Was it even possible to be friends with someone you were in love with once? Someone you had sex with? Someone you once considered your soulmate but now was someone who you were no longer close with. 

“Friends?” She repeated. 

“Yes, friends,” Serkan confirmed. Yes, he cared about Eda far more deeply than any friend should. He was still very much in love with her and would always be. She was his other half. 

However, if friends were all he could get Eda to agree to then so be it. After all, the best relationships were rooted in friendship. 

He just had to be patient and show Eda how good they are together and hopefully, she would open her heart to him. 

“Okay,” said Eda. Her whole plan was to get Serkan to open up to her and tell her why he was there. What better way to accomplish that than attempting a friendship with him. 

Serkan smiled and Eda returned it, ignoring the flutter in her stomach at the happy look in his eyes. 

She could do this. She could carry out her plan without getting her heart involved. She was sure of it. 

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Serkan and Eda arrived at the company. Walking in with Serkan it almost felt like old times, only it was not ArtLife they were walking into.

“When will the others arrive?” Eda asked Serkan as they made their way to her office. 

However, before Serkan could answer Nisa appeared in front of them. “Eda, Efe asked for you to come to the conference room when you arrived.” Nisa turned to Serkan with a bright smile. “Your associates are waiting for you there.”

“Thank you.” Serkan nodded at her and placed his hand on Eda’s back as she led the way to the conference room. 

She knocked on the door and stepped inside, Serkan following close behind her. 

Efe was seated at the end of the long conference table and Eda had been working with him long enough to know the smile on his face as he stood to welcome Serkan was forced.

“Eda!” Engin smiled widely at her, standing from his seat and pulling her into a bear hug. “Oh, how I have missed you.” 

Eda laughed and patted his back. “I’ve missed you, too.” 

He released her with a grin, his hands on her shoulders. “How could you leave me all alone with him?”

“I didn’t, you had Piril and Leyla and Erdem,” said Eda.

Leyla let out a scoff, shaking her head. “Erdem.” 

Eda laughed some things never changed. Erdem clearly was still driving everyone up the wall. 

Leyla nudged Engin out of the way and threw her arms around her tightly. “Eda, it’s great to see you again.”

Eda’s breath left her with the force of her hug. 

“Leyla,” Serkan said sharply. 

Leyla let her go reluctantly, mumbling an apology. 

“Hello, Eda. You look well,” Piril greeted. “I hope you and Serkan have been communicating civilly.” 

Eda looked at Serkan to find he was already looking at her. “We came to an agreement.” 

“Perhaps we should write it in a contract,” Serkan suggested. 

Eda’s lips parted unsure how to respond. Contracts with Serkan, she couldn’t explain but they were special to her. 

Efe cleared his throat before saying, “Serkan, do you want to explain why Engin, Piril, and Leyla are here asking where they should set up so they can start working?” 

“Because they along with myself will be handling the work that I need to be done,” Serkan responded. “I prefer to work with people I can count on, who I can trust”

“If you are just going to do everything yourself why did you even come here?” Efe asked, irritated. 

“For Eda,” Serkan said. 

Eda's eyes snapped to him. “Serkan.”

“I need a landscape architect and I have always loved Eda’s designs.” Serkan's eyes were on her as he spoke. 

Eda bit her lip, caught up in his words. She had always loved when Serkan praised her work. Even now, it still made her stomach and caused a warm feeling to spread through her chest. 

“Eda, can I speak to you in my office.” Efe’s request cut through the tension between her and Serkan. 

“Of course,” she followed him out of the conference room and into his office. 

“Eda, I don’t like this. Serkan is playing games.” Efe said, closing the door behind them. 

“You don’t know that. I doubt he came all this way to play games.” Eda argued. 

“No, you’re right. He came all this way for you and that is not acceptable. Eda, You can’t tarnish your professional relationship because he decided on a whim to fight for a relationship that died when you came to Italy without him.” Efe said passionately. 

“I don't understand what my previous relationship has anything to do with this. My and Serkan's relationship is in the past,” Eda argued. 

“Be sure it stays that way. Serkan is not good for you.” Efe said. 

“Stop,” Eda said abruptly. “You have no right to tell me about my past relationships or present. It is not your place and Secondly, I would not jeopardize the career I built for myself because of a past I left behind.” 

“I didn’t mean to offend you, Eda,” Efe said, choosing his words more carefully. “I remember when you first came to Italy. You were so hurt and Serkan did that. He caused you so much pain in the past and I don’t want you to open the door for him to do it again.”

Eda hated the reminder of the pain Serkan caused her in the past. She was trying her hardest to move past the hurt and pain. She didn’t need anyone reminding her of it. 

“Don’t worry. Serkan and I are the last thing you need to worry about. My relationship with him from this point forward. Is strictly platonic and professional. Still, even if it wasn’t it would be any concern of yours.”

Efe nodded. “I’m just trying to look out for you.” 

“I can look out for myself,” Eda turned to leave his office. 

Efe cursed under his breath as he was left alone. This wasn’t going to end well. He could feel it. 

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ 

Eda returned back to the meeting with others forcing a smile. “How about we start going over the details and I will introduce everyone to our supply contacts that we’ll need for the renovations and everything.” 

“Sounds like a plan,” Serkan said, he moved closer to her, taking her coat and motioning for her to sit with the others so they could begin talking details. 

His fingers trailed across her skin as he took her coat and Eda fought against a shiver as goosebumps spread across her skin. 

She turned her head to look at him. He was close, she could feel his breath on her neck, brushing her cheek, she could see the dark ring of his iris. 

Her breath caught in her throat as his eyes flickered down to her mouth. Her lips parted almost instinctively, he leaned closer and she panicked, quickly stepping back putting some much-needed distance between them. 

Serkan fisted her jacket in his hands, looking away he blew out a slow breath. 

He just had to take this slow. She wasn’t pushing him away and it was the most he knew could ask for under the circumstances but he hoped down the line, she wouldn’t want to move away from him. 

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ 

Aydan glared down at her phone. “Why is my son not taking my calls?” 

Seyfi stood a few feet away. “Perhaps, he is busy.” 

“He shouldn’t be busy!” Aydan protested. “He’s not well. He should not be working.” 

“Working is how he destress’s.” Seyfi reasoned. “If he’s working, he doesn’t have to think about what’s happening.” 

“Why can’t he let me be there? I could help.” Tears filled Aydan’s eyes. “Why won’t he let anyone help? I’m not ready for any of this.” 

Seyfi took a seat beside her and reached for her hand. “As hard as this is, this is his life and it’s his decision. He doesn’t want you to suffer more than you have to from his illness.” 

“But I will suffer.” Aydan assisted, wiping at her eyes. “I have lost a child before and now I am losing another one and I don’t think I will survive it. I need my son.”

“Maybe you feel better if you go and see him?” Seyfi suggested. “I’m certain, he’s at the office.” 

“Yes, let’s go.” Aydan agreed. 

Except Aydan and Seyfi soon learned Serkan was not in the office. He was not even in Istanbul. 

“What do you mean my son is not in the country anymore?!” Aydan demanded, staring a hole in Erdem’s head. 

“He left me to look after things while he, Engin, and Piril went on a business trip. Leyla was lucky enough she got to go while the rest of us were left behind but don’t worry I have everything under control.” 

“Mr. Serkan left you in control?” Seyfi’s voice was filled with doubt. 

“Erdem lies to you.” Ferit appeared sending the other man a reproachful look. 

“Serkan did not leave the country?” Aydan asked but her relief was short-lived. 

“No, he did but he left me in charge of things until Engin and Piril return.” 

“Why not tell he returns?” Aydan asked warily. 

“I’m not sure he intends to come back,” Ferit admitted. “Did he not discuss this with you before leaving.”

“He didn’t even tell me where he was going! He didn’t tell me he was leaving.” Aydan exclaimed, her heart thudding painfully. Oh God, her son left the city to die alone. He couldn’t do this alone. He just couldn’t. “Where did my son go?”

“Italy,” Ferit answered. 

“Italy?!” Seyfi turned his wide eyes to Aydan. 

“Do you think Serkan has gone to see her?” Aydan wondered. 

“He must have,” Seyfi nodded his head. “What else is in Italy for Serkan to go there.” 

Aydan nodded. “You’re right. Seeing as Serkan is not here, we will go,” she told Ferit and turned, Seyfi hot on her heels. 

Ferit watched her leave and wondered why Serkan hadn’t told his mother he was leaving town. It wasn’t like his business trips were some big secret from his mother. 

Once outside in the fresh air and away from prying ears, Seyfi asked Aydan. “Do you think he will tell her?” 

“I truly do not know,” Aydan answered. “I hope he does. If anyone could make Serkan change his mind about getting treatment it would be her.” 

Seyfi nodded in agreement. 

“Seyfi book us two flights. We are going to Italy.” Aydan declared suddenly. 

“We are?” Seyfi asked at her spontaneous request. 

“I will not spend what time I have left with my son away from him and if he doesn’t tell Eda, I will.” Aydan nodded to herself. 

Yes, all she needed to do was get Eda on her side and Serkan would have no choice but to seek treatment. 

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Eda worked out the details with the group and Efe with Serkan’s approval and input. 

Efe was soon called away to a business call and left Eda to finish up with Serkan and the Art Life crew. 

Once the meeting was wrapped up for the day. 

Engin and Piril excused themselves they had reservations at a restaurant that Engin wanted to try. 

Leyla excuse herself for the day, claiming she had to get everything in order and run a conference call.

“Did you arrange for them to leave once the meeting was over?” Eda asked, finding it too much a coincidence that they were left alone. 

“No, but I find it very fortunate. Come, let’s go.” Serkan stood and straighten his suit. 

“Go?” Eda repeated dubiously. “Go where?”

 “Don’t you want to see the property you will be working on before we make the rest of the plans? Maybe you’ll be inspired once you see it?” Serkan asked. 

Eda bit her lip. “Okay, let’s go.” she agreed, after all, she had to see the place before she could truly start in on plans for the project. 

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ 

Serkan put the hood of his car down and turned the radio on. 

Eda knew what he was doing as her hair in its high ponytail blew in the wind and one of her favorite songs played on the radio. 

She looked over at him and even though he kept his eyes on the road, she could see the smile pulling at his lips. 

It was that smile of his that was both sweet and innocent and she couldn’t help but shake her head at herself as a smile of her own pulled at her lips. Helpless to the feeling of lightness in her chest. 

This moment was familiar in a good way, sitting in the passenger seat next to Serkan, the wind blowing through her hair, moving in her seat to the music. This right here, it wasn’t complicated. 

Soon though the car ride ended and Serkan drove up a gravel road with scenery all around. 

Eda’s eyes widened as they rounded a corner and the house seemed to rise up. 

No not a house. A villa. A small villa but still a villa. 

“Serkan, you said were remodeling your house,” Eda said as they came to a stop in front of the two-story Villa.

“I said the project was my home and this is my home.” Serkan corrected. 

“It’s a villa,” Eda insisted.

Serkan turned the car off climbing out. Eda followed him. 

“It is.” Serkan agreed. “Originally, I was going to keep it simple. Something modest but when I saw the place, I couldn’t not buy it. C’mon,” he extended his hand to her. “I’ll give you a tour.” 

Eda looking around in wonder, caught up in the scenery placed her hand in his without hesitation. 

Serkan marveled at the way her hand still fit perfectly in his, he curled his fingers around the delicate bone of her hands and started leading the way inside. 

He kept her hand enclosed in his even as he fished the keys out of his pocket to unlock the door and opened it, ushering them inside.

Eda looked around the floor plan was open and wide and large windows, rich brown wood floors high ceilings. 

“It’s beautiful,” Eda murmured. It was empty of even furniture and it the staleness in the air made it clear no one has lived here in a long time. It needed some airing out and it was dusty but overall it was beautiful. 

“Tell me what you’re thinking,” Serkan requested, watching as her eyes lit up as she took in his home. 

“What I’m thinking?” Eda repeated, bringing her focus back to him. 

“Yeah, tell me what ideas you have for it. I want you to design this home as if it were your own. How do you picture it?”

“Well,” Eda turned slowly taking it on in, the fireplace, the open floors, and high ceilings, the glass windows one that looked out at a pool. 

As she started speaking, Serkan soaked up every word she said like a sponge, filing it away. He had missed the way she shined with excitement, her big dark eyes were so expressive and her smile. God, her smile made him feel like anything was possible. 

“What do you think?” Eda asked as she detailed her ideas for the first floor.

“I want you to have full control over the details of the project. Do whatever you want to it, whatever feels right to you.” he grabbed her hand. “Come, I want to show you something upstairs.” 

Eda let him lead her to the master bedroom on the upper floor, he released her hand, drawing back floor-length curtains and pulling a set of double doors opened, revealing a wrapped around balcony of the entire villa. 

Eda’s stepped out onto it and her eyes widened there was a stable and large expanse of land going for miles and not far below was a garden in need of some love and care. 

It was gorgeous with so much potential. 

Eda gripped onto the barricade with her hands, taken the breathtaking scenery in. 

Serkan stepped forward, leaning into her pressed one hand on the barricade next to her, and brought the other around her, extending his arm to point at the land below. “I was going to buy some horses, take care of them here, build some high fences so they can run free, and update the stable.”

Eda could feel him at her back and it sent a shiver down her spine, having him close, his arms practically around her had anticipation filling her. 

She turned slowly and Serkan’s arm fell grazing her arm as his eyes found hers again. “What do you think?”

Eda was too distracted to hear his words, he was close, the heat coming from his body comforting. His scent was intoxicating as she fought not to breathe him like she used to. 

“Eda?” Serkan asked, he lifted his hand on the barricade and placed it on the side of her neck. 

Eda’s eyes snapped up to his at the contact, his skin was warm against hers. She swallowed hard. “It’s a beautiful home.”

Serkan slid his hand up to cup her cheek. “This is the house I bought when I was going to follow you here to Italy for your studies.” 

“What?” Eda felt her heart skip a beat in her chest. “This was where you were going to live?”

“When I bought it, it was with the hope that you and I would live here together, walks along the grounds, horse rides, stargazing, anything you wanted. I would have gladly given it.” Serkan brushed across her bottom lip but his eyes never left hers. “I would have given you anything, I still would.”

“Serkan..” Eda felt breathless, his words, the way he was looking at her was pulling her back into his orbit. 

He has the same look in his eyes as he did when he first confessed to being in love with her and she was as helpless now to him as she was to his confession then. 

Eda lifted her hand, cupping his cheek, feeling his stubble scratch against her palm. 

Serkan inched closer and she leaned in, the brush of their lips as soft as rose petals. 

Her hand tightened on his jaw and she arched her body, trying to get closer, Serkan's arm came closer and he slid his hand to the back of her neck.

Their lips pressed more firmly together. 

Serkan’s eyes slid shut, savoring the feel of Eda in his arms and the touch of her lips. 

He wanted to commit the feeling he was feeling in his chest to the memory. It’s the memory he wanted to live in when his time came to an end. 

Serkan tilted her head up, deepening the kiss as her mouth opened beneath his. 

God, this felt like home and he never wanted to leave. 

Eda faintly heard the sound of a door and heels against the floor but she was too consumed by the feelings merging inside of her, coming to the surface as Serkan kissed her like he was learning every single inch of her. 

“Serkan! Serkan!” The sound of Aydan’s voice echoed through the empty home. 

Eda pulled away from Serkan her eyes wide in surprise. “Did your mom come with you, too?” 

“No,” Serkan shook his head. “Mom is in Istanbul.” 

Serkan reached for her again just as his name was called again this time by a male voice. “Mr. Serkan?”

Serkan's hand dropped eyes wide. “Seyfi?” 

He turned and Eda followed moving toward the stairs. 

“Serkan, thank god!” Aydan exclaimed. “I have been trying to reach you. I thought the worse when I couldn’t get through.”

Serkan stared down the flight of stairs and there his mother was with Seyfi. 

Serkan knew he shouldn’t be angry to see his mother but damn it, she just interrupted a vital moment between him and Eda. 

Can something he wanted go right just once? 

He didn’t think it was too much to ask. 

He was a dying man and all he wanted was Eda. 

A/N: I want to say thank you to everyone who is still reading when I am the world's slowest updater.

[illmaticreid]

We Fell in Love in October - Part 6

DESCRIPTION: Noah is in college studying film and has been a very boring freshman thus far. Her roommate demands that she goes to a party with her and this is where she meets an extremely bold Matthew.

Warnings: language, slight angst, unprotected sex, alcohol, daddy kink, butt stuff hehe, vomit

A/N: I am sorry it took me like two months to write this lol I know no one really cares but I feel bad that it took so long. Also, I am thinking of ending the story. I have no motivation to write and don’t see it going anywhere. Noah & Matthew are too happy to have conflicts lol. I am thinking of writing a sugar daddy story with Matthew/Spencer and then this story will just end :( 

Word Count: 3.1k

PART ONE | PART TWO | PART THREE | PART FOUR | PART FIVE |

Today was my birthday. It was the first time I was actually excited for my birthday. Normally, I hated acknowledging that I was getting older. This was the first time I had someone to spend my birthday with, though. I am used to being with friends, but that really isn't the same as spending it with a significant other.

Ellie was planning on taking me to lunch today in between classes, and I just asked Matthew to spend the rest of the day with each other. I didn't want to have a party or be around a bunch of people I don't know very well.

Matthew and I are in a class together today, and we have to go through short scenes with dialogue. I am not sure what I want to do in life or in my career, so acting in front of others scared me. Especially Matthew. I know I am comfortable in front of him, but I am probably just gonna embarrass myself.

The scenes are supposed to be extremely intense, depending on how the actor wants to portray it. Matthew is not my partner, so we won't be doing any scenes together. I haven't decided if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

A couple pairs had already gone through the scene a couple times in front of the class. The scene was about a couple getting into a fight, and either making up or continuing on with the argument. Most of it was adlib and, the pairs had to figure out how they wanted it to go on their own.

I think my partner had a small crush on me, which made me slightly uncomfortable. I had no idea if he was going to pull something on me during our act. Matthew's partner was this extremely attractive girl who was very serious about acting. I felt a little self-conscious but either way, it was just an assignment.

Matthew was up next, and I felt my palms start to sweat. Their dialogue started off like everyone else's. There was intense arguing that flowed seamlessly. Hopefully, Matthew and I never argued like that. I think I would burst out in tears.

As their argument became quieter, I realized they had decided to make up. Matthew's partner got close to his face, and their dialogue became almost too quiet for the class to hear.

She suddenly leaned up and kissed him softly. I almost got out of my seat and screamed. Kissing? No one said shit about kissing. No one else in our class had decided to kiss their partner on the mouth. What the fuck was he thinking? He pulled away from her rather quickly and went back to his seat.

My face heated up in anger as I gave him daggers from across the room. He refused to make eye contact with me. Okay, Matthew, two can play at that game.

When it was my turn to do the scene, my partner was being exceptionally weird. Maybe I was being weird because I was taking my real-life anger out on him. Our scene was supposed to end with a hug but, at the last minute, I told him to kiss me. It was actually me kissing him, but it didn't really matter.

I pulled him in by his shirt and placed my mouth on his in a heated kiss. The kiss was not heated at all, though. In fact, it was gross and slimy. Putting my lips on anybody's but Matthew's was enough to make me gag.   I walked off the front of the stage and left class altogether. I probably failed this ridiculous assignment but, I didn't care.

I heard footsteps behind me as I walked to my car. I was praying it wasn't my partner. I was also slightly praying that it wasn't Matthew.

"Noah, wait!"

I rolled my eyes when I heard the familiar sound of Matthew's voice.

"What was that?" He said once he finally caught up to me.

"What?"

"You kissed your partner, gagged, and then left the classroom," Matthew spoke. I couldn't tell if he wanted to laugh or be pissed off at me. Probably a little bit of both.

"Oh? You're allowed to kiss your partner, and I am not?" I asked without a hint of humor in my voice. I didn't know if it was ridiculous to be upset, but I just wasn't expecting my boyfriend to kiss another girl today.

"Noah, whoa, whoa, whoa," Matthew chuckled before continuing. What was so funny? "I didn't kiss another girl, it was an assignment that we had to do for an acting class. Also, she kissed me. Should I be mad at you for kissing your partner? Clearly, it was only to try and get back at me."

My shoulders slumped in defeat. He knew me all too well, and now I looked like an idiot.

"I don't think it was appropriate to kiss her, Matthew."

"I don't think it was appropriate to kiss him, and then gag about it," Matthew laughed again. It was hard to stay mad at him when all he kept doing was laughing at what just happened.

I had to admit, I am acting ridiculous. Why did they have to kiss, though? The thought alone made my blood boil.

"I didn't mean to gag, he was just a bad kisser. I am mad that you let her even get that close to you," I spoke angrily.

"Oh, Noah. You are adorable," Matthew chuckled again. I furrowed my eyebrows at him, trying my best to seem angrier than I actually was.

"Take me seriously!"

"I can't, the argument is laughable. I don't want to actually kiss that girl. I don't even know her name. You should know that you're the only girl I love," He said sweetly.

I tried to be more upset, but I couldn't. He made me swoon.

When I didn't say anything, Matthew continued. "Don't ever forget how much you mean to me. You're so special. Also, my dick is literally so hard right now. You are so hot when you are angry."

My face got very hot very quickly as I looked down at his pants and saw his jeans starting to bulge.

"Would you like me to fix that for you?" I asked, innocently.

Matthew moaned quietly as I palmed his pants. I had to remember that we were in the middle of a hallway and anyone could walk out of class and catch us.

"I have a little surprise for you if you want to come back to my place," Matthew said with a smirk.

"I said no presents!"

"I know, but this is a present for both of us."

I agreed so, we walked to his car and drove to Matthew's apartment. When we got inside, he handed me a long but thin box that felt light.

"If this is jewelry or anything expensive, I won't accept it," I spoke firmly. I really hated getting gifts. If it was something small, or something I really needed then, I would be okay with it.

"Just open it, Noah," Matthew laughed. I sighed before opening the box that revealed tissue paper. I pulled back the tissue paper and found fuzzy pink handcuffs.

"You kinky little bitch," I squealed at Matthew before taking them out of the box. He let out a loud laugh and wouldn't stop smiling at me. They were adorable. The pink fuzz was more of a feather-like material. I am assuming that he bought these ones in particular so that they would be a little more gentle on me.

"Would you like to use them?" Matthew said sinisterly. The smile was ripped off of my face within seconds. Yes, I thought they were cute and funny. I had forgotten that they would actually have to get used. Which meant that I would have to be completely submissive to Matthew.

"Now?" I asked, my mouth agape.

I received a nod from Matthew as he took the handcuffs out of my hands and threw me over his shoulder. We entered his bedroom and Matthew kicked the door shut with his foot before throwing me onto the bed. He started to take his clothes off, never breaking eye contact with me.

Matthew only had his underwear on as he walked over to me and placed his hand underneath my chin, tilting my face up to look at him.

"I can't wait to see how pretty you look with these little pink handcuffs on," Matthew spoke just above a whisper. God, he was so fucking hot. I started undressing, not being able to take the waiting anymore.

I laid on Matthew's bed, completely naked, waiting for him to make the first move. He flipped me over onto my back, grabbed both of my hands with one of his, and pinned me down. He grabbed the handcuffs and put them on me tightly. I winced at the pain but he knew how much I really liked it.

"Are you ready for the best birthday sex you've ever had, Noah?"

"Do your worst," I said as I lifted my hips up into the air.

No other words were spoken as he slipped his dick into me. I yelped loudly, and Matthew just chuckled at me. It hurt, but it also felt amazing at the same time.

Matthew continued to pound into mercilessly as I laid there, screaming and moaning. I started moving my hips back up against him, and Matthew stopped moving and let me do my thing.

"Fuck," I moaned, getting tired from all of the work I was putting in. My hips began to slow down and eventually, they came to a stop. Matthew apparently did not like that.

"Did I say that you could stop?"

"I'm sorry," I panted.

Matthew grabbed my hair and wrapped it around his hand in a fist. I moaned at the pain coming from my scalp. He rammed his hips into me quickly with as much force as he could.

"You feel so good, Matthew," I whispered into the bedsheets.

"Yeah? You like that? Tell me more."

I felt my face get red as I told him how much I liked it. How much I liked his dick absolutely obliterating me. I could feel the heat begin to grow in my stomach and I knew I was close. It felt like I was starting to see stars.

I felt Matthew's hand rest on my ass, and his thumb slowly started to drift somewhere that I wasn't quite sure I was comfortable with. I wasn't stopping him, though. I let his thumb travel dangerously close to my 'backdoor' before realizing what he was up to.

Matthew's thumb slipped inside of me and before I could scream at him to get out, I came. I was completely ashamed that he made me orgasm by sticking his finger in my ass, but also couldn't even focus because of how amazing it felt.

Seconds into my orgasm, Matthew pulled out of me and came onto my back. He was groaning and hissing, and it was music to my ears.

After he wiped me down, I figured now would be the best time to ask what the fuck just happened.

"First, uncuff me. Second, why did you put your thumb in my ass?" I all but screamed.

Matthew chuckled before saying, "I don't know. It was just there and I wanted to see what happened. You clearly liked it though." He had a stupid shit-eating grin on his face.

"Fuck you! You didn't even ask if that was okay with me."

"I know. I'm sorry, but now I know you are into butt stuff," He giggled.

"I am not into butt stuff. You are! It was your idea," I said while trying to hold back my own giggles and a little bit of embarrassment that I was indeed, into butt stuff.

"You came in less than half a second. I think it's safe to say that you liked it."

"Fine, maybe a little."

That was where we left off our conversation. Later in the day, I had lunch with Ellie and then I was going to spend the rest of the night with Matthew. I finished the rest of my classes and went home. I finished up some homework and got ready for the night.

Matthew picked me up right on time, and we drove back to his place. He opened the door to his apartment for me, and let me walk in first.

"Surprise!!" I heard from around the room. My face got red, but I smiled at everyone anyways. I was going to kill who's ever idea this was.

"Hi!" I waved at everyone, awkwardly. There were only around ten people here, which was okay. Thankfully it wasn't some huge party that would just make me feel awkward and uncomfortable all night long. I could handle a couple people but, any more than that, and I would have turned around and walked home.

"Whose idea was this? Hm? I want answers," I said as soon as I walked over to Ellie. I was trying to be fake angry but the smile on my face kinda blew my cover.

"Well, it was mine and Matthew's. He said no at first because he said you would hate it. But, I knew that you would secretly like it as long as you were able to get a little drunk," Ellie giggled.

"Okay fine. You caught me. I do like the attention just a little bit," I laughed with her. I was thankful that I had people in my life that cared about me this much.

As soon as Ellie mentioned getting drunk, I immediately started taking shots and making myself mixed drinks. I kept urging Matthew to drink but he was trying to stay at least a little bit sober to keep an eye on me.

"No, Noah, I don't want another shot. Thank you very much, though," Matthew said as he smiled at me. I giggled at him while taking a shot for him instead. I could feel the liquor coursing through my veins and I was probably acting a little silly. It's my birthday and I can be drunk if I want to!

I sipped on my Vodka Cranberry as some friends and I sat around Matthew's coffee table and played drunk Uno. I wasn't exactly sure how to play, I just liked regular Uno and I would just take a shot every time someone told me to.

"Baby, you have like twenty cards. You're gonna get alcohol poisoning at this rate," Matthew laughed at me. He wasn't playing, he just sat next to me and was trying to be my teammate because clearly, I was out of it.

"Don't worry, I have a trick up my sleeve," I said but I had no trick. I knew I was screwed. Eventually, someone called Uno, and on their next turn, they went out and won the game.

"Finally! That was the longest game of Uno I have ever played, and now I am completely shit faced," I sighed.

"Do you want to go lay down?" Matthew asked me.

"No, I'm fine. What are you, my dad?" I spoke back to him and giggled as soon as the words left my lips because I knew exactly how Matthew would take that.

"Keep giving me attitude and I will take you back to my room and punish you," Matthew spoke lowly. I thanked God that everyone left the couch as soon as the game was over, so we were out of earshot of everyone.

"Oh yeah? You're gonna punish me, daddy?" I said through more giggles. I was so turned on by what he said and I couldn't miss out on a chance to be a brat.

Matthew was just about to follow through on his promise when I felt a hiccup in my stomach.

"Uh Oh," Matthew said as soon as he saw the look on my face.

He rushed me to the bathroom quickly and I ran to the toilet. As soon as I started throwing up, Matthew grabbed my hair hurriedly. He kept it out of my face as I continued to blow chunks.

"You're lucky I love you, Noah because you are such a fucking lightweight," He said through laughs.

I started to laugh with him but instead, I just vomited again. For some reason, I was not embarrassed at all. I mean, Matthew had his finger in my ass earlier, I think he can handle seeing me throw up.

When my stomach was finally finished wreaking havoc on my birthday, Matthew helped me clean my self up. I brushed my teeth with him and cleaned my face, making sure I looked presentable.

"Let's get you to bed, sweet girl," Matthew said as he started to undress me in his bedroom. He grabbed me some clothes and was about to put them on me.

"No, I don't wanna wear clothes. I wanna be punished!" I whined, thinking about our conversation from earlier.

"You are too drunk. Don't worry, you have a lifetime to get punished by me."

"You want to spend a lifetime with me?" I asked, tears welling up in my eyes. I always got a little emotional when I was drunk.

"Well, duh. I wouldn't want to hold back anyone else's hair as they puke into a toilet anyways," Matthew said trying to make a joke out of the situation so I wouldn't cry.

"I wouldn't want anyone to hold back my hair either," I spoke as a tear streamed down my cheek.

"I know. Get into bed, I will tell everyone you aren't feeling well and to head out."

Matthew walked out of the door and I could hear him telling everyone that it was time to go.

"Oh no! Can I say goodbye to her?" I heard Ellie ask, and Matthew told her that she could. I heard the door open up and smiled when I saw Ellie's face.

"Hi," I said weakly.

"I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I hope you had a good birthday party!" Ellie smiled at me.

"I did, you're such a sweet friend," I slurred.

"Good. Have a good night, Noah. No more throwing up," She laughed as she kissed me on the forehead and left.

Minutes later, Matthew came back in and took off his clothes and snuggled into bed with me.

"I got you some water," Matthew handed me a big glass of water that I gladly took. I chugged the whole thing, and I could hear Matthew saying, "slow down!" but that didn't stop me.

"Thank you," I whispered as I started to doze off in his arms.

"Happy birthday, Noah," I heard Matthew say as I drifted off to sleep.

[peterpan-ouat-imagines]

In Hell I Will: Part 7

Hey you guys so I know I said that I would post this quickly which I shouldn’t have said because The end of the semester hit me like a truck. I’m sorry this took so long but I have the final part right here! Enjoy!

I stand frozen in shock of what he just said, “Peter, don’t play games right now,” I tell him fairly certain he is messing with me.

“Would your heart not be in my chest if it were one?” he asks me sincerely seeming almost defeated.

I sit next to him. “I trust you but still I have to be smart about this too. As much as I think I do believe you I can’t allow myself to break down my walls again just so you can pull some trick,”

“It’s not. I mean it,” he says sounding truthful. “I’ve never felt like this about someone before, I need you y/n. I know it sounds crazy but what if you stayed?” He suggests.

I burst out laughing, “Good try. I’ve really caused you to lose your game because the Peter Pan I know wouldn’t ever consider doing something like THAT. Me? In the underworld? When I’m not dead?” I ridicule his idea.

He looks down and I realize he was serious.

“Oh,” I say surprised with the realization, “Pan you know I couldn’t stay down here when I have people who care about me and want me that also belong up there,” I explain.

We turn to face each other and how he would risk what he wants for me makes everything I feel about him intensify more. I start leaning in and so does he but I know that pursuing this will go against everything I shared.

“Pan,” I look away, “If I did this again that would mean everything I told you was a lie. I don’t want to get anymore invested in something that I know nothing will happen with,”

“But you want me and I want you. Just let me get what I want,” he tells me.

“We both know how this’ll turn out. I’m gonna be stuck putting my heart in me so I can go back and you’ll stay here,” I predict knowing it’s accurate.

“Why are you giving up on us?!” He starts getting mad.

“I’m giving up because it’s easier than loving someone I’ll never be able to truly be with!” I take a breath, “Look Pan, I want to find a way for you to come back but I don’t know how,”

Despite me turning him away he keeps inching forward and I’m about to give in.

“What the hell is going on here?!” I hear Regina exclaim from the other side of the shop and I pull away with the moment ruined.

I hear Emma start explaining everything and I know I have to face them sooner or later.  I slowly walk into the front of the shop where everyone is, “Before you yell at me Regina, I know what I did, I am not proud of it but just fix it!”

“How do you expect me to fix a situation that could not be worst! I mean with everyone stuck, you’re in love with a demon...” she doesn’t continue.

“Hey! Yes I did do this.  I let love blind me.  I let myself fall for one of the most conniving minds down here. I don’t regret it though. Yes he put your sister in harms way but despite everything I still love him and he loves me,” I shout standing my ground.

“You can’t love him he’s!-“ David begins.

“What? A villian? Last I checked Hook was considered a pirate in a evil way. Now your risking so much for him by coming down here! I know we can’t be together but you can at least admit that not all evil stays that way,”

The room goes silent as I hold hands with Peter.

“I know it isn’t possible for him to go back up, but can we at least help him move on?” I ask.

“You won’t receive my help,” Regina says.

“Y/n, he isn’t worth it,” Emma adds.

“The amount of harm he has tried to cause, it’s too much, he doesn’t deserve it,” David adds.

I look at Hook hopefully but he looks away.

“You all should know one of the reasons I came here was to let you know Hades has opened a portal for us all to get out of here,” Regina finally says changing the subject. Of course she changes it I roll my eyes, “It is only open for an hour so how much longer till the squid ink wears off?” She asks.

“Longer than that,” Emma says.

“I might be able to undo it,” I say, “I have magic I also failed to mention,” I tell them.

“Why didn’t you ever tell us?” Emma asks.

“You know. I explained my backstory. I wasn’t going to show off all my skills with you thinking I was some helpless victim!” I tell them all.

“Please you don’t have the power to undo something so powerful!” Regina barks.

“Well I guess there’s only one way to find out. Let’s hope my training with my mentor paid off,”

I stand where I am trying to focus.  I close my eyes and hold my hands out focusing on how I feel.  I love these people, they are family to me. I slowly open my eyes and see I gust of light pink comes from my hands as I face them all not believing I am actually doing it.

After a few minutes I lower my hands and nothing happens.

“There has to be a potion or something to help us,” Hook suggests and be and Regina look around scouring the shop.

“Peter please tell me there is something here to help us!” I plead desperate, “I know that you want to go but we both know that you can’t and I’m sorry for that but it’s my family,”

He lays his hand flat and in a puff of smoke a dainty black bottle appears, “Pour this on their feet. It will free them,” I take it from him and nod.

I walk to each of them and drizzle it on their feet and they lift them up. They all look at Regina asking for details on the portal and she gives them clearly.

“There’s something else Hades told me before I came here. There is something called ambrosias garden. Hook would be able to come back with us if he goes there and eats the fruit,” Regina tells us.

“That’s amazing. Thank you,” Hook says and him and Emma leave.

I walk back to the office area when everyone is doing their thing and stare at my heart knowing I have to do what’s painful.

“It’s going to be painful. But you need it,” Regina says standing behind me.

“But by taking it again that means I’ll feel all my pain and emotions that have been going on without it. I don’t want to face that. Maybe I should just stay down here with Pan so I don’t have to,” I comment.

“Y/n, it will be hard. It definitely was for me when I had it in my chest when I was away from Henry for a year. But it’s the only way you can keep going,” she gently takes it and hands it to me.

I sigh and nod knowing she’s right. I take my heart and push it inside my chest carefully and I get overflowed with so many emotions. It all hurts so much. Feeling the love from Peter Pan I have be star crossed. Having love given to me by a family which I’ve never felt before. I start to cry from everything I’ve been through but not truly been feeling. Never again will I take my heart out.

It’s a race out as everyone leaves but I stay behind for a needed goodbye.

Once everyone goes I look for Peter Pan but he isn’t in his shop. I go out to look for him. He isn’t at granny’s either, or the docks. I finally find him at the well where we had our first secret meeting. He’s leaning in looking down into it. I walk up and stand next to him in his same position.

“I didn’t intend for any of this to happen. Either of our pain, having my heart out in me,” I begin skipping the obvious of how I’m leaving, “I wanted to-“

“Y/n please don’t. You said you would help me and you didn’t. I’ll still be here and you’ll be up with a bunch of people who may leave you,” he explains clearly mad.

Him saying that just adds another thing to weigh on my chest and I choking back the tears, “I’m sorry okay?! I asked for them to help you get back or even just move on! I just got my heart and feel horrible. I don’t want to leave on bad terms,” I tell him.

“Too late for that,” he throws a pebble in the well and walks away, “Goodbye y/n,”

I walk to the portal crying feeling my heart torn out of my chest as I got burned in the end just as I predicted the first time we kissed. How could I let myself be so stupid?!

We arrive back at Storybrooke and nothing turns out good.   Emma gets back in a mess because Hook didn’t make it, Tobin sacrifices himself for Regina and Zelena kills Hades, her love.  Of course there’s me too even though that doesn’t matter to anyone. Having my heart in my chest after all this time makes me feel so much more but realizing how cold I was without it makes me never want to be that way again.

Days later Hook somehow is alive again.  Something about Zeus giving him a second chance for defeating Hades.  Emma is overjoyed and I’m happy because he’s like a father to me but it still doesn’t fill the pit in my stomach I haven’t overcome of the man I love not forgiving me for the choice I made and leaving him behind.

“Y/n, can I speak with you in private?” Hook asks me. I nod, “Y/n, I wanted you to know that I was able to help Pan move on,” he tells me.

“Hook I love you, your family to me and I am glad your back but please don’t mess with my feelings.  I am still hurting very badly from this.  Especially with my heart back.  The emotions I’m feeling are unreal,” I tell him.

“I’m being serious,” he tells me with the face he always gives when being truthful. He was a damn pain but his unfinished business was how he never got the eternal youth he wanted. He shared how it was because of you he was able to let it go,” I knew that something that I had to do was honor all of you and honoring you meant helping him move on.  

I start to tear up, “You mean, he really is in a better place?” I ask hopefully.

“Yes,” He tells me, “He wanted me to tell you that he forgives you and loves you,” I am much more at ease knowing all of this, “You know I will never like Pan but the way he would talk about you really did show his feelings,”

I hug him tightly, “Thank you, you have no idea how much that means to me,” I shed a tear of happiness.

Knowing all this finally gave me the closure I needed to be able to live in the moment and be with my family. Now that they are all together with me and the one I hope to see one day forgave and loves me I can move on and be happy.

[dammitadolfnomorecake]

Once Bitten, Twice Stupid prt 210

210

For some reason only known to the lord above, on their bed, “wrapped” with a red ribbon around its handle, was a lawnmower. Blue, silver, and black in colour, this had to be Shiro’s dumb idea. No normal human would gift them a lawnmower at a baby shower, nor would they put it “in bed” like it made any kind of logical sense. It hadn’t been there when Keith opened the windows earlier... if he’d seen it, he would have moved it. Sniffling loudly, Lance then choked out

“They got me a lawnmower! I’m a terrible person!”

Now that he knew Matt had been in their space, he could smell him in the room. Too many scents were in their room. Matt, Curtis, and Shiro, three scents that didn’t belong in their space. Lance gave them pretty much free reign of the house, allowing them to violate the sanctity of his office with the promise they’d never look at his client files, or in the boxes that’d come from Lenny and were currently occupying the spare bed

“Let me take it off the bed, then you sit down and we’ll talk”

Lance shook his head, the way he gazed at their bed hurt to see

“I need the bathroom first...”

“Okay, baby. It’s okay, we’ll sort this out”

Lance came stumbling out the bathroom looking worse than when he’d headed in. Downstairs Rieva had started yelling at Matt for being stupid, then started yelling at Shiro for encouraging Matt to be stupid. Coran had tried to calm her, so she’d yelled at him about how he should understand what Lance was feeling with his nesting instincts and being close to giving birth. There was a whole lot of yelling for a party that had been otherwise running semi-smoothly, provided you didn’t count Pidge feeling a bit down and Shiro and Curtis cremating the sausages on the barbecue, somehow managing to leave the middle red raw.

Waddling over to him, Keith held his arms open, Lance going straight for the hug. Nosing at Lance’s belly, Keith sighed softly as his fiancé started playing with his hair

“You should sit down”

“My stomach feels gross, I want to stand for a bit...”

“You don’t need to hide it. Matt shouldn’t have been in here”

“I know he lives here... but this was supposed to be our alone space... I can smell him... and... and... the windows open and all our smells are gone. Why would he open the window? Why did he have to come in and ruin our room? I don’t go in theirs! Not even to clean! I get they wanted to surprise us but... this is our room! I don’t want the... the smell changing and now it’s being ruined”

With tears dropping on Keith’s hair, Keith tilted his head back to look up at Lance

“I’m... the one who opened the windows. I’m sorry. I was trying to get rid of Lotor’s scent for you. I didn’t think about how comforting scent is when we’re like this. I’m sorry I fucked things up for you”

Lance hiccuped a sob as he tried to bring his crying under control

“You... you didn’t... know... I... I don’t know what to do. This feels... wrong... in here... I can’t... I don’t know how to... how to... fix it... This... was... my safe space...”

Keith got it. Lance’s loved the comfort of blankets before he’d gotten pregnant, with all the instincts running through him, he had to have things a certain way. Despite his fiancé being anal about the dirty washing going in the dirty clothes basket, more than a few of Keith’s shirts had made it between the blankets. Keith also benefited from the space being so thoroughly soaked in their scents. He could smell the difference between Matt’s lingering scent in the halls and his fresh scent in his room. Poor Matt copping the brunt of his silent jealous as he was the only other person in the house that could get Lance pregnant, had his fiancé not already been pregnant. His ego had a hard time accepting Matt near Lance when Lance could pop at any moment. His fear made no logic sense, yet that didn’t mean that did exist

“It’s still our safe place. I’m sorry my brother is incapable of being a normal human, and I’m sorry that he was probably really proud of putting the lawnmower on our bed...”

“I want to laugh at that, it’s a good one and it’s funny, but I feel so angry that I’m not sure I won’t go for blood if we go downstairs... I don’t want to be that way. Not today. They put together a great party for us. I just wanted to be normal enough to enjoy it”

“There’s still plenty of time. We can strip the bed and change out what’s on it. It’ll help to get rid of Lotor’s scent too”

“I know. I know it’s just some sheets and blankets, but...”

“You’re exhausted. I know you are, babe. Let me change the sheets and you can have a bit of a nap. With the amount of alcohol Pidge stocked, I’m pretty sure drinking is on the plans”

“I haven’t thanked anyone... I don’t deserve any of this. Not a barbecue, or an outside set, or a really nice new lawnmower...”

Keith would steal every star in the sky if it made Lance happy

“You do. No one made our friends go out and buy anything. They chose to, and it’s not like it’s just for us. I’m sorry I didn’t get you a present”

“You don’t need to. And I don’t need a fancy ring. You keep your word, babe. That’s all I need”

“Let’s get you to bed. Tonight we’ll make sure to really stink the blankets up”

Lance gave a broken sob of a laugh

“You’d have sex with me, when I look like this?”

“If you haven’t realised by now, all you have to do is breathe and I’m like “I want to tap that”

“You’re going the right way for a smacked arse”

“Promises, promises. Don’t worry, I’ll be sure to let you pull my hair as I rail you to the mattress”

“Now who’s making promises?”

“You already said it, I keep my word. Just keep your night open, because I’m not letting you slip away”

*

Lance fought going down for a nap, Keith fought the urge to stay with him, dragging himself from their room and downstairs. Their friends knew better than to let the pair of them disappearing bring the party to a close. Coran was now getting a lesson in beer pong from a ruthless Pidge. Rieva and Matt both seemed saddened, their scents weird as they hit his nose. Allura the first to cast a smile in his direction

“I’m assuming that Lance went down for a nap as you’ve returned alone?”

“Yeah. He needed it. I’ll wake him up in a couple of hours”

Shiro cleared his throat, Allura about to say something else but stopped so Shiro could

“I’m sorry about the lawnmower, we thought it’d be hilarious”

Lance’s obsession with grass was well known, the only way the joke could have been funnier was if they’d dressed the lawnmower in lingerie

“Oh, Lance thinks it’s funny as fuck. He loves it. He’s just super sensitive to scents, and I made it worse by airing out our bedroom. He’ll bounce back and you know he’s going to be apologising when he comes back down. I still don’t know why you guys had to go through our drawers”

Shiro answered for Matt who copped a very direct glare from Keith. Matt couldn’t help being a werewolf any more than Keith could. Both of them cared deeply for Lance, their stupid egos and scents making things ridiculous for the pair of them

“I needed a spanner. We were joking about how being Lance, he’d probably keep on in his room... you know, because he fixes everything the moment he knows somethings broken or leaking”

Keith groaned. That was logical. He wouldn’t be surprised if Lance did. Everyone knew Lance was the handiest person in their group

“Okay. That’s fair. But stay out of our room from now on. This scent thing is really messing with his head. He doesn’t want to be mad, but he’s also emotionally exhausted”

Shiro gave him a mock salute

“Message received loud and clear. Are you staying down here, or headed back up?”

The temptation to go back to Lance was enormous. Helping him strip down to his shirt and underwear, Keith had tucked him with plenty of kisses until Lance finally drifted off to sleep. His fiancé looked so angelic when he was slept, though plenty of people would argue the snoring and drooling ruined the effect

“Nah, he’ll be fine. I’m more interested in who’s winning and who’s idea it was to let Coran face Pidge of all people”

“His. Grab a beer and come sit down”

A beer sounded great... This was a party after all... but he’d been a drunken idiot far too many times with Lance taking care of him. The time had come to be an adult and stick with water for the rest of the party

“Ugh. I wish. I’ll be back in a minute”

Being a fae, they were renown as trickster demons. Keith had never seen Coran this competitive as the tables turned on the game of beer pong. Starting to make trick shots, Pidge was soon swapped out for Curtis, heading down the wrong side of tipsy she tripped and landed in Krolia’s lap, declaring a rematch would be had once she’d sobered up enough not to be yelling into Krolia’s crotch. Curtis put on a valiant effort, making more shots than he missed, yet Coran didn’t show the slightest hint of intoxication. Lance would have been shocked. Keith was shocked. In Coran’s world there was nothing better than a good cup of tea... not copious amounts of alcohol.

There came a gradual shift in the mood of the party. It’d become less of a baby shower and more of a “We need to defeat the demon in Lance’s living room” kind of a deal. Curtis was subbed out, six shots his limit. Coran, on the other hand, didn’t get the game and questioned why his cups weren’t refilled. Matt happy to refill Coran’s cups, not mentioning the aim of the game was to make the loser empty all of theirs. After Curtis came Shiro, who already tipsy from the seems of things, was beaten easily as he failed almost every throw, Coran growing more talkative and prideful in defeating their friends one by one. Finishing the cups in front of him, Shiro flopped over backwards where he sat, Coran frowning at losing his opponent as he asked

“Now what happens?”

Rieva retrieved Shiro, dragging him over to prop him up against the chair near Krolia’s feet. Firmly she brought things to an end. Shiro looked absolutely wasted as he sat there with his eyes closed and a smile playing in his lips. He didn’t even seem to notice when Krolia stuck her bare foot under his nose

“That’s it. All the cups on this side are finished”

“That’s rather disappointing. I really quite like this game of yours. My cups are still quite full. Allura, perhaps you would fancy a game?”

Allura laughed politely. She’d been cheering on their friends, though she had no idea what to cheer over, she’d given it her best shot

“I think I’ve seen quite enough. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you consume so much alcohol”

“Nonsense. This is mere dishwater compared to the stuff we used to drink. Barely made a dent, if I do say so myself”

The man had single handedly taken out Pidge, Curtis and Shiro... and was still up for more? Keith could only shake his head at the thought of a drunk Coran being as rambling as a tired Lance

“Krolia, perhaps...?”

“Nope. I’m driving Curtis and Shiro home tonight. Keith’s got Lance to look after, Hunk has to drive Shay home”

“Then perhaps our Shay would care for a game?”

Shay shook her head

“I’m not going there. You’re a demon, what chance do I stand?”

Coran burst into tears. None of them expected it and no one quite knew what to do, apart from Allura who slipped off the sofa to wrap her arms around him to comfort the fae. They couldn’t help being humans

“There, there. They are human after all”

Coran shook his head, puffing his chest out

“Don’t you see, I won! This means I’m the winner! Oh, I can’t remember the last time I won at something so fun, and on my first try!”

A silent groan fill the room. They’d bowed out, and their plan to take Coran was ruined by the sheer amount of alcohol he could tolerate. Allura clearly forced a smile to her lips, Keith sympathetic as this would surely become another of his stories they’d all be stuck listening to

“Uh, yes. Yes, I suppose it does...”

“Wait! I can still drink!”

Waving her left arm, Pidge pushed herself up with her right hand, then flopped backwards against Krolia

“No I can’t! Where’s Lance?! He could do it!”

Patting her arm, Shay broke the bad news to Pidge

“Lance isn’t allowed to drink, it’s bad for the twins”

Pidge’s eyes narrowed, animatedly she yelled angrily

“That undead arsehole! Lance! You suck! Coran, I demand a rematch!”

Coran’s eyes filled with some kind of excitement. Drunk Pidge wasn’t someone to be messed with, heck, sober Pidge wasn’t someone to mess with but with her moral compass out the window anything was likely to happen

“What do you suggest?”

“Mario! You’re gonna lose so bad! That useless Peach is gonna wipe the floor with you! Hunk, we need Mario! I won’t be happy until he feels the devastation of rainbow bridge!”

Hunk pointed to himself, Pidge nodding, Keith wondered if he should say a prayer for Coran now or later on

“This rainbow bridge sounds most interesting. How do you play?”

Pidge wiggled her fingers at Coran as she laughed, failing at trying some kind of spooky accent

“Very very carefully. No one beats Pidge on the rainbow bridge! You hear me, Lance! I’m coming for you too!”

For all her yelling, a long groan of his name from upstairs told Keith that Lance had finally woken up due to their pint sized big mouth. His fiancé’s timing couldn’t have been better as he needed an excuse to flee the living area. Coran had no idea the fire he’d awoken in Pidge. A sober Pidge with a controller in her hands was bad enough, a drunk Pidge with a controller in her hands was near on demonic. With a healthy fear of what would happen should Pidge lose, Keith opted for the convenient excuse of Lance calling for him. Yeah. Whatever happened, the others would totally take care of it... he was not a coward at all.

Sitting on the edge of their bed, Lance had gotten himself tangled trying to take his shirt off. His fiancé’s expression filled with sadness as he softly asked

“Keith... help?”

“Oh, babe. I’ve got you”

Lance had gotten one arm out, and stuck in head hole bit, too sleepy to escape on his own. Walking over to his fiancé, he dropped a kiss on Lance’s head before taking over getting Lance free of his shirt

“I’m sorry...”

“It’s okay. Is there a reason you were getting naked?”

“Wanna take a shower... I made a mess”

As Lance started crying, Keith hushed him. His fiancé pretty much limp as he got his trapped arm free and then helped him out his shirt

“Okay, mister. Pants next”

“I made a mess”

Messes happened. Lance couldn’t help it

“That’s okay, these things happen. Let’s get you out your underwear. Up we go”

Swaying on his feet, Keith pulled down Lance’s underwear as Lance kept his balance with his hand on Keith’s shoulder. The mess wasn’t what Keith expected. Lance’s underwear sodden with cum, his lover half hard as Keith tried not to stare

“Don’t... look... it’s embarrassing”

“You had a wet dream, no big deal. Was it about me?”

“You’re the one who put sex in my head... I want to take a shower”

“Do you remember what happened?”

Downstairs no longer mattered. Keith’s ego elated that Lance had had a sexy sex dream about them

“Keeeeith... please...”

Taking Lance’s half hard erection, Lance groaned as Keith slowly began to jerk him off

“Tell me what happened in your dream”

“Babe... the party”

“Fuck the party... they can afford to miss us and we really don’t want to go back down there right away”

Shifting position, Keith wrapped his lips around the tip of Lance’s dick, sucking lightly as Lance’s hand flew to his hair

“Keeeith”

Letting his lips slide to meet where his hand was, Keith bobbed his head twice before pulling back

“I want to know what you were dreaming about”

“You...”

“What about me?”

Jerking Lance faster, his fiancé moaned. He knew teasing was bad, yet was too filled with elated ego not to. Letting himself feel pleasure rather than pressing need to shower and return to the party, Lance panted out his words between moans

“I... you... were riding... my dick... I was fucking you”

“Is that what you want to do? Do you want to fuck my mouth?”

“God, yes”

“Then you better do it like you mean it”

Holding Keith’s head to his groin, Lance slowly built up to fucking his mouth. His pregnant fiancé had urges, and it’d been a long while since they’d used the pocket pussy, as they usually couldn’t slow down and stop themselves long enough to think about anything other than getting off. Hallowing his cheeks, Keith had tears in his eyes, Lance filling his mouth perfectly, even if he seemed to be trying to ram his dick down Keith’s throat, despite how bad it’d initially made Keith gag

“Keith... I’m gonna come”

“Nghhffd...”

That was Keith speak for a yes, “while my fiancé’s fucking my face”, Lance easing back enough to give space to Keith as cum flooded his mouth, then dribbled down his chin as he tried to swallow as much as he could. The vampire coming with a low growl as his fingertips scratched Keith’s scalp.

As Lance’s knees gave out, Keith caught him by the hips, pushing him so “fell” sitting on their bed. His lover’s chest heaved, as he brought his breathing back under control, Keith wiping Lance off his face with the back of his hand

“You looked wrecked... and we didn’t even do the do”

He was horny, nearly coming in his pants from blowing Lance. Lance would fall back to sleep if they had sex now. Plus he’d be overly sensitive from coming twice

“You seemed pretty into it”

“I was very into it, now I’m very into going for a shower... want me to return the favour”

A million times yes!

“Nah, it’s fine. That was kind of hot”

“Your mouth was kind of hot... I did try to tell you I was coming”

“The meal was delicious. Am I as good as you dreamt?”

Bringing a hand up, Lance rubbed at his stomach. They’d made about as much mess as what Lance had woken up in... whoops

“Way better in real life... God, I feel fat. Help me up?”

“You’re not fat”

“Are you sure? I feel like I just ran a marathon”

“Babe, you’re in great shape. Round is a shape”

Lance kicked him lightly in the leg for his teasing

“I know how round I am, I don’t need a reminder”

“I’m just saying... You’re a very round little vampire. I wonder how chubby your bat form would be”

“Well don’t... I can’t believe I let you blow me when we should be downstairs entertaining our guests”

“Well I can’t believe it’s not butter”

His lame joke earned him a sigh from his fiancé

“That was terrible. You should feel bad”

“I do. I also feel like bending you over our bed and fucking you senseless, but you’re right, we have a party to get back to”

Lance opened and shut his mouth, cheeks flushed as he looked away from Keith

“I suppose a few more minutes wouldn’t hurt”

God. If only Lance knew how much he wanted to take him up on that offer. He probably should be putting himself in a horny mutt time out, but it’d been sooooo long since he’d had Lance beneath him. His dick was definitely up for it... Time to adult again

“It’s okay, babe, I’m joking. Besides, you’re going to need whatever energy you have left to keep the peace downstairs. Pidge challenged Coran to rainbow bridge”

“Damn. I go down for a nap and miss all the excitement...”

“He also got Shiro, Curtis and Pidge all like drunk by winning beer pong. So it’s drunk Pidge taking on Demon Coran”

Lance groaned

“My poor living room. It’ll never be the same again”

“Nope. Come on, you can lament the loss of your living room in the shower, then maybe we can wrap this party up and go to bed early”

Keith was weak and Lance’s arse was glorious. He’d been going to behave himself, he really had... then he’d been sidetracked. Sitting on the toilet, he told himself he making sure Lance didn’t slip... not ogling his gorgeous fiancé. One thing lead to another and then suddenly he had Lance bent over the bathroom counter, lasting all of a minute. It was quick quickie, even for them. Lance’s arse too cute not to touch, his lover’s opening soft and puffy beneath his fingers when he’d been supposed to help Lance dry off properly. Whoops... Keith tried to feel bad but the strength and warmth of their bond left him smiling like an idiot. He really did deserve a cone of shame around his neck, Lance’s boobs the perfect handful as he lost himself. Nobody pregnant had the right to be as perfect as his mate. His belly so gravid Lance looked as if he had a whole soccer team inside him. Keith definitely knew he had a kink for his very pregnant fiancé, he just didn’t know how to knock said kink on the head. Lance limping as he led him back into their room to get him dressed, Keith promising to clean their cum off the bathroom cabinet and floor before Lance realised he’d only cleaned him up.

Lance insisted on looking “presentable” as Keith helped him into his clothes. Keith annoyed at how many buttons there were that’d he have to undo later to get his vampire naked again. Wisely he kept this to himself. Lance would have smacked if he’d known his mind was still in the gutter after fucking his arse with as much force and need as Lance had fucked his mouth. Maybe he should try bottoming again? The weight of Lance’s stomach hanging low must have been uncomfortable as it’d taken a bit to bring Lance to orgasm, despite his hips having a life of their own. Stealing a few extra moments, Keith wrapped his arm around Lance, dropping kisses to the top of his head as Lance chuckled at him for it. He loved Lance. A good solid dose of cuddles from his fiancé was just the thing he needed before they headed back down to face their friends.