#these men are my besties but also idk them but i do know my boundaried

[theblackfemininesociety]

This guy I’ve been on a total of 4 dates which he all payed for, drove me to and from we haven’t slept together yet only kissed, swiped up on my story I posted a selfie and goes “you’re so beautiful😍” and I was like “thank you ☺️” and he goes “I wish i can see you rn, id pull up on you” and I was like “did you go to a bar in cap hill?” And he goes “Nah i went a local bar but id be down to see you tonight if you down imma be up late anyways” Then sent me a picture on Snapchat of alcohol saying this could be us” I said “Oh okay haha I was kidding I didn’t think cap hill actually 😂 I’m sleepy though I just woke up, I want to see you too I just need to know before tonight’s not great” and he goes “damn I really want to see you though and Then goes “I really don’t care tbh want to see how big I am then sent me a Snapchat which I didn’t open then I next morning deleted the picture and the 2 other messages saying “damn I really want to see you tho and I really don’t care tbh want to see how big I am” ...I didn’t open any of those messages just half opened...the next morning I see he deleted the Snapchat he sent (idk if it was a dick pic, I’m assuming it was?) and deleted the other messages that said “damn I really want to see you though and I really don’t care tbh want to see how big I am”...he doesn’t know that I saw those messages but I’m honestly bothered he would do that? I made it clear I want a relationship and that’s my intention so why would he think it’s okay to attempt to booty call me or if I’m wrong see me this last minute? Our other dates he would always ask me a week in advance and never day of last minute...he may have been drunk but I’m just confused? He also hasn’t been talking consistently especially after I’ve canceled on him...we don’t and never have texted everyday even though he says he wants a relationship we have only been texting when he has initiated dates and he even called them dates too...I have canceled on him last minute and other times so not saying I’m perfect but don’t get why he’s behaving in this way? Should I cut him off?

Hey bestie,

I'm here to offer some perspective but we can't decipher on whether or not you should cut someone off. This is the challenging part of dating that we often don't enjoy, but it's necessary. I believe that his behavior was influenced by being drunk and in the mood, which can lead people to act in ways they normally wouldn't. However, it's important to remember that if a man is willing to do something, he will try it.

We're aware that men often prioritize hooking up, so it's crucial for you to avoid getting caught up in the fear of losing him or desperately wanting a relationship. Sometimes, in our eagerness for a relationship, we may overlook certain red flags.

My advice :

Stand firm in your morals and standards. If you desire a relationship, it's essential to reflect those qualities in your own behavior and expect the same in return. It helps to get a pen and paper and write this stuff out! Write down all of your needs, wants, non negotiables and boundaries. Additionally, open and honest communication is key. Make sure you communicate maturely and sincerely, and be prepared for the response he gives. Take things slow and trust your instincts babe!

Xoxo,

The B.F.S 💋

[bisexual-horror-fan]

Yo Bex I have a serious question for you since I was debating it with someone:

If someone has cheated on their partner in the past, can/should they be forgiven/trusted to be faithful in the future? Either by the partner they cheated on or a future partner?

I personally believe absolutely the fuck NOT. Cheating is one of those things that's just- you don't do it cause you didn't realize it was wrong. You do it KNOWING it's wrong. Its a decision, not a mistake. Now, I'll admit that I'm biased because one of my parents was a cheater who destroyed my childhood with their lies and secrets, but I think I have a point.

Most folks I've spoken to are like "oh you're too harsh maybe they've gotten better" but Idk. I still feel like cheaters shouldn't be trusted in a relationship. What's your opinion?

I personally think the issue is very nuanced. It isn't black and white to me because so many factors are at play, it really should be judged on a case by case basis as well as up to the people involved. If someone wants to take that chance and trust the person won't ever do that again and be faithful I can totally understand that, and if someone says no and that is a deal breaker than I fully get and respect that perspective too.

But to me, it's complicated. Cheating can mean a lot. Cheating can be fucking another person when you agreed to be mono, but I have seen some people insist that hanging out alone with a member of the opposite sex as cheating, because no one can hang out like that platonically right? Gotta love the people who assume men and women can never just be friends, sex always has to enter into it somehow. I've seen people who don't want their partner to have any friends of the opposite sex, which I personally, find insane. Also gross because the idea is that you can't hang with someone you have the potential to be attracted to without SoMetHiNg happening, (What does that mean for bi people like me? I just can't be friends with anyone?)

I'm not the best person to ask as to what should be considered cheating because I am polyam, extremely sexual, and open. I know the difference is my husband and I agree to all our boundaries and someone who cheats is disrespecting those boundaries but on the real dude I have watched and gotten off on another woman riding my husband right in front of me, as well as have extremely emotionally deep and intimate relationships with just friends.

My opinion is the spectrum is broad, humans aren't so easy to place in boxes, it depends on the severity of the cheating, how often it has happened, the age of those involved. I don't think someone who cheated on their first gf/bf in high school when they were like 15 should still be judged for that shit at 20 or 30. I don't think someone who cheats emotionally via getting support from someone who helps them deal with the fact they are trapped in a situation with a shitty abusive partner should be judged harshly either. A serial cheater is one thing, a person who made a mistake they have clearly changed and grown from is another.

I agree. Cheating sucks, willfully stomping on the boundaries and trust of another person in a relationship is terrible and I don't abide by it, anyone who has been cheated on that fucking blows and I am truly sorry. But I think people make mistakes, people are capable of change and growth, always.

I consulted one of my besties who had their own home life destroyed via cheating, causing a divorce and blow up and the rest and they agree with what I said above. That it is complex and nuanced, just so you know that someone in a similar situation to yours has a stance matching mine. My life wasn't destroyed by cheating, or at least I didn't know it till this year that my birth mother cheated on my dad multiple times when I was as young as six months old before they divorced, and I still hold my stance.

My opinion is, If someone can trust that person, then why not? And if someone can't, that's fine and not a failing on anyone's part. That is my opinion Anon.

[bisluthq]

Ok bestie I just need to know now - how does someone even find out about sex parties? Like is it like how you have to go to certain night clubs before you can be invited to a proper rave and once you’re established in the rave scene you get info on the secret ones that happen in abandoned buildings and tunnels?? Is this a cultural/ we live in other countries thing where over here everything is done in whispers but idk do people make it a fb event? Where are they? Houses or event spaces? How many people? What’s the ratio of men to women (not meant in a GNC exclusionary way)? Is it random people asking hot friends to bring hot friends to their house? Is there someone in charge who organises it? Does everyone participate or is mostly people standing and watching? Do single people get an invite or is it couples only? What about STDs? Do you need to show them a recent STD screen? I know you’re very aware of STD precautions so I’m so curious how it all works! And showers! Is everyone able to take a shower after it easily enough?

I’ve seen swingers ads where it’s very secretive and like you call someone who transfers you to someone who gives you an address to get the information of where it’s at, and it’s organised by a professional who rents a mansion on air bnb type thing and there are NDAs and contracts about STD status and documents on consent as well as bouncers who watch that consent is always given enthusiastically. Idk I just can’t imagine all the things that goes into doing that sort of thing safely, but I know you’re a safe sex person so I am asking in good faith with honest curiosity. Hope you’re having fun bestie!!

ok so locally a lot of it is a network/by invitation only. There's a guy up the road from where I am who hosts them every week at his house and it's similar people or their friends. I didn't really enjoy his ones because the ratio was basically 60% guests and 40% sex workers and while I have nothing at all against sex workers, it's not really my thing. I think that works best for people who have very specific fantasies they want to fulfil and are too awkward to bring it up in a natural setting. We don't have specific fantasies we'd be willing to pay for, so those parties were a bit of a bust for me/us. Most sex parties I've been at have a ban on single men so it's couples only and single women. This sucks for gay dudes most, because they sorta get excluded by default (like how would they prove they aren't two single men just pretending tbh like show a marriage certificate? that's even more awks) so I think there's obviously a different MM scene that I - being a woman - am not super aware of.

there are also sex focused resorts which is where I did most of this experimentation. I've never had to sign an NDA but all these places are very strict on no phones/no cameras/no recording etc and the lights are generally dimmed so you can't see much of who all is around (except one specific daytime place I went to but that was just like Roman orgy vibes tbh and complete chaos).

As you know, I am very aware of STIs so I have very strict personal rules and boundaries around what I am comfortable doing and what I'm not comfortable doing and same goes for my partner - we're on the same page around all that stuff - but we have seen people seem to ignore all reasonable precautions and in those cases we're just like "no thank u bye" lol but they obvi enjoy themselves.

What I like about the sex positive scene is it seems, to me, it's probably the most consensual vibe on earth. Like if you're not into someone in a sex club all you have to do is sorta politely be like "thank u goodbye" and they leave you alone. 0 harassment. One woman was kinda complaining about the opposite and gave a very specific story where she was blowing this one guy while his girlfriend was sucking her tits (this happened in the daytime Roman orgy club place) and a third rando dude just popped up and stuck it in from behind and proceeded to like fuck her for a while which was obvi uncool because the three of them had been having a whole vibe and the fourth guy was like... a random... but she also said she willingly just rolled with it. I think if she'd stopped, that guy would've pissed right off.

Nothing like that ever happened to me lol and just generally it was/is a really fun scene to be involved in. Sorry if I'm being somewhat vague but I don't want to give specific specific details.

In terms of how much participation is necessary, it's really up to you. Some people go just to watch (that's generally frowned upon tho because it's a bit creepy obvi but like the hard BDSM club was very like this because most of us don't yk wanna do hard BDSM vibes but it's interesting to watch and almost becomes like a show where you can maybe participate a lil bit to the degree you're comfortable with). A lot of people watch and exhibition (so stick together as a unit but fuck in public). Some people do soft swinging where like you kiss and touch other people and stuff but no sex takes place. Some people do girl on girl only. And then you obvi get people who do full on swaps and mad ass group orgies like it's really whatever it is you're comfortable doing. There isn't one way of doing it. It's really about having fun, consensually, and enjoying yourselves.

Sorry if this is vague - I don't want to give out more specifically identifying details tbh - but happy to field further questions.

[annbourbon]

Okay but... why do I keep forgetting that I can have a relationship that doesn't feel like it's suffocating me? lol

Like... I love having friends. Friends that are partners in crime would be awesome considering how much I love to laugh. IDK maybe I keep forgetting it because people keep pushing my boundaries a bit too much for my liking...

Like, I'm at this point in my life where I don't really know if I want to have a guy or not... and... lol did I just said that as if they're a pretty item or smth? e.e yeah maybe it's better for me to stay single forever... or idk... I just want to be happy and have fun with my friends. Watching Barbie felt so good because of this.

It helped me dealing with some of the trauma the last year and part of this one was to me. And I saw myself for the first time in idk how long? at the mirror, no make up, and I truly found myself pretty. Like, no better, no worse. Just, worth it. I didn't feel like that since I was dying my hair blonde and trying really hard to fit into stereotypical labels. I've been doing that my whole life.

I immediately went into social media ofc and, to my surprise I found that it really helped me dealing with the jealousy and the idea that some people were better or worse than me. It lasted about three hours tho (I kind of kept track) until I started to feel a bit weird and down because of several comments that were not even directed towards me. And anxiety started to creep in.

And what does this has to do with a boyfriend? Well... I have never dated anyone lol but I have always wanted to. It's just that sometimes it truly feels like this is my face

whenever guys are online and talking to me, because no one ever approaches to me irl lol so my only interaction with males it's that they're usually just, trying to send me pics. Or convince me of sending pics. And admittedly I have felt that pressure. Also, I still remember running away from my neighbor because he kept being such a creep and tried to pull me inside his van once.

Maybe that's why my good mood usually dies in those situations... like, no matter what I decide to do. I don't feel safe. And most of the time I don't feel like I ve a choice in the matter. Like, it's better to say yes because otherwise I'll end up....... I don't want to think about it but... anyways:

Sometimes I feel like all I want to do is having a boyfriend to dance with, prank each other, and stupidly too, because I know a lot of people would laugh about it, making videos on YouTube and TikTok... like, just for fun?And definitely watch movies. And reading books together. At this point I would definitely call myself ace because that's what makes me feel interested in other people. Sharing ideas, hobbies...

Still I'm not sure I am fully ace... I definitely need to give a real relationship a try before calling myself out. I think. Or maybe not, Barbie also made me realize that I've been seeing men as some box to tick off.

Because as much as I complain about them, I've been doing the same thing but reversed. impressive uh? How much a movie can make someone think through everything...

They're definitely not pets or items. Or a box for me to say I've been there, done that. So even if I'm not ace, one thing is sure: I'm not ready yet. I haven't found anything or anyone that makes me feel like jumping into it for the sake of doing it and not because "society is saying it so"

I'm just confused about the whole thing, but that's okay I guess. I'm not going to rush onto something just because society says so... at least I'm trying really hard to resist going back into the box. For now I'll be sticking to Pride and Prejudice, chocolate candies and having fun with my besties. But thank you~! ♡

Fun fact: Margot Robbie is kind of confirming the whole Barbie being aroace! ^^

“Having a boyfriend or girlfriend, who is also your best friend is the greatest thing in the world.”

— lieinlove

[mariaiscrafting]

ahhhh ty ty ty <3

ok, so I think that what makes Dream act this way (iykyk) is how dreamwastaken became so big so quickly. and by quick I mean fucking lightning speed.

he didn't have enough time to learn enough about cc etiquette, especially in these three aspects: influence, boundaries and fanbase/stans/whatever you call it. I'll try to explain it:

• Influence: Does he know the influence he has? Like, when he hears that he is the myct with the largest fanbase, does he really process that? I remember he talked about not being able to control all of his fanbase and there's bad apples everywhere -- which is true, and that only like 1% of his fanbase breaks his boundaries (that include sending hate for him, harassing, doxing, etc. yk, basic twitter culture lol) but, honey, with your big ass fanbase, 1% is still a lot of people. As a content creator you *have* to be aware of that.

let's take the hbomb situation. First off, as a streamer, it's you that set the mood of the stream. Even if he was only messing around with his pals, even if they did say to do not send hate to hbomb, dt dunking on him created a toxic environment, which caused his fans being toxic towards hbomb and you know what happens next. Hell, when this happened, I was watching Tapl and he was watching them and he was crying laughing over them screaming bc they were just. so loud and so aggressive that it was kinda ??? Sirs, this is literally a Minecraft Stream lmaooo

my point is, that was not the road that dreamwastaken, 21M fans, should've taken. he don't condone his fans actions but he knows his fans are diehard and will always be on his side, he should be more careful before stating negative opinions, especially if its towards another person.

• Boundaries and Fanbase: He posted a list of his boundaries a while ago, idk if you know or seen it (btw please george copy your bestie for the love of god <3) but I'm not talking about those boundaries, I'm talking about the basic boundaries between cc and viewer. boundaries that, in my opinion, should exist between cc and viewer. I get that Dream is an open person, an oversharing type of open person if I may add, but I think he should take a step back regardless. When I heard that he was taking a time from twitter, I genuinely got so glad, not because he couldn't start any drama then, but because it would do so so good for his mental health. I'm not even that fond of him, it's just that for me, any cc taking a break or outright leaving twitter is a win for me. I know how RSD is hard to deal and honestly letting shit out it's better but dream you have dt you have bbh so please don't make things worse online 😭 I know how good can be to feel validation from millions of people but. it's not a good idea, especially in the state that his fanbase is on rn (this topic is kinda sensitive to talk abt for me bc people be outright ableist and hide it as criticism like. say that shit's not helping his reputation and whatever without acting like he's fucking. manipulating his fanbase for being affected by his rsd💀 or, on the other hand, don't say that hes just being adhd🤪 when he's just being an asshole like damn that's a Him thing bro lol)

(omg it's so big I'm so sorry and theres a part two I'm so sorry tumblr user messed-up-gal ToT) - morango 1/2

pt. 2:

Dream is the proof that the people who loves you can be your downfall. istg. Have you noticed that every drama that Dream enters, people usually get more mad abt how his fanbase reacts (85% they'll react in a bad way) than Dream himself? it's not always, but its definitely more likely. I'm not saying Dream is saint, he Is petty and his ego does him dirty and made him choke multiple times before,, But! i dont think hes a bad guy. he's literally just a dude. ok, he's a 21yr old white gamer man that has a trumpie past (maybe?? idk. I think hes cured now ig lol) so he's bound to do some shitty things but he still tries to get better and hopefully he'll mature. 21 is old enough but it's still so young, yk? I kind of lost my mind during the end and my eyes are literally begging to be closed so tl;dr: Its gonna be hard for him to become a better cc bc his fans don't let him be criticized (by infantilizing his adhd symptoms or the mob mentality as soon as someone says anything abt him), the honest criticism get lost between lies from antis that don't know shit, he still has a lot of growing up to do and overall he became famous too fast and he needs to learn things even faster bc as soon as there's not a single one dream hater on sight they'll turn their back and attack him instead lmao I hate twitter i definitely have more to say but I'm tired and my memory is shit. just-- hate dream if you want, love dream if you want, nobody is obligated to have an opinion but I wanted to express mine. have a lovely day! -morango 2/2

Aight, there's a lot to unpack here, so Imma try to only go into the points I have something to add to (here's what I talk about in each paragraph, if you want to jump to a specific point):

Speed of Dream's rise to fame

The "bad apples" in the Dream fanbase

Post-MCC HBomb stream

Not condoning versus actually condemning his fans

Manipulation & RSD

Criticism of Dream, his fanbase, and his brand

The “just a dude” argument, flipped

First, I agree that one of the many factors that has resulted in the current image Dream has set up for himself, the way his fanbase functions, the ways people hate on him, and the way the Dream brand functions, is the speed of his rise to fame. It's unique, and there are probably a hundred social/psychological angles that could be used to examine the exact effects of that speed upon all of these facets of the Dream Name; did rapid fame beget the rapid rise of unrighteous hatred, did those waves of hatred then instigate the rise of a surprisingly overdefensive fanbase, did that rapid fame get to his head and/or result in an inability to appropriately handle all the after-effects of rapid fame, etc.? That point you bring up, about how the speed of his rise to fame requires him to learn even more quickly, is so interesting to me. I think that maybe Dream expected to get pretty famous pretty quickly, hence the preparedness in regards to some mechanics of influencer fame- merchandise, business-building, networking, knowing how to manage his fanbase to best benefit him. But I don't think he expected to get this famous this quickly. This is all speculation of course, as are this entire post and your ask, but I think that he just couldn't anticipate having to learn how to handle enmasse controversy, waves of antis, or every Youtuber speculating/knowing about him; and yeah, that results in him having to learn all of these things very quickly, lest he allow his whole brand and fandom to fall apart.

Second, I disagree with the frequent argument that Dream's fanbase is only marginally toxic. Personally, I think that the circumstances of Dream's fame, his personality and management of his fanbase, and his brand of content have resulted in the very specific kind of stan that Dream stans are. I don't think this is simply a case of "all fandoms have a small percentage of assholes who take it too far;" rather, the nature of the community itself breeds the kind of mentality of "an asshole who takes it too far." I only even know this because I was a Dream fan (kinda a stan, I'm ngl). At one time, I watched every single Dreamwastaken & Dream Team video multiple times; I listened to the Manhunts on repeat, as though they were podcasts; I followed mostly smiletwt and dttwt accounts on mcyttwt; I had upwards of 10 tabs for AO3 DNF fics open on my phone at a time; I watched DNF and Dream Team Being A Family-esque compilations on repeat; I watched every George and Sapnap alt stream I possibly could; I went out of my way to defend Dream against Redditors and Twitter antis regarding the cheating scandal. For the latter half of 2020, and a couple months of 2021, I lived and breathed this part of the fandom; so when I say that Dream stans are a whole other breed than any other kind of mcyttwt stan, I say that because I used to be like that, too. I usually use parasocial very loosely or ironically, but Dream stans are genuinely one of the most parasocial fanbases I have ever seen or been a part of. The level of investment Dream stans have in this man's life, the lengths they will go to to defend him, the amount of psychonalysis and digging they do on his life and character, the amount of emotion he can evoke in them- it's taken to another level, man. This isn't just characteristic of a fraction of his fanbase; this is what the fanbase is like as a whole.

Third, I partially disagree with your take on the HBomb thing, but not in the way one might think? I actually empathize with the way they reacted much more than I thought I would, simply because I suspect I have RSD (also suspect I have ADHD, have for several months now) and I can see myself getting insanely frustrated because of something like that. Like yeah, it was "just a MC stream" or "just an MC game," but that's kinda disregarding the fact that something that might seem like "just a [insert inconsequential thing]" to a rational mind might have a major emotional consequence/take a major emotional toll on someone with RSD, or really anyone who gets easily impatient/angry about video games (Sapnap reminds me of many of my friends, in that way). The issues I, personally, had with the way they handled the HBomb situation is that these are simply explanations and reasons for my empathy; they are not excuses. I have no excuse when I get irrationally angry about something inconsequential in my own life, for a couple of reasons. One, because I am an adult and I need to learn how to handle my reactions and manage my own anger. Two, because as someone with many mental problems, it is my responsibility to learn coping mechanisms to ensure my own emotional stability and livelihood; this includes learning whatever I need to handle RSD- whether that be isolating myself from others when I know I will become violently/passionately angry about something, creating and sustaining a support system that can get me through bouts of extreme emotion, finding healthy emotional outlets for my negative emotions that won't harm myself or others, or a combination thereof. I don't think what they said about HBomb post-MCC was an irreversibly horrible thing, or anything. I think there were errors committed by two men who should be fully capable of foreseeing and preventing those errors, but I don't unconditionally hate Dream or Sapnap for the post-MCC stream or comments. I just wish they had made amends quickly, publicly, and sufficiently, because the greatest consequences from the whole thing weren't even from those two criticizing HBomb themselves; they were from the waves of backlash because of their immense influence on the MCYT fandom, which could've been prevented, if they had acted maturedly and responsibly after the stream.

Fourth, you’re right, that he doesn’t seem to condone his fans’ behavior. I detest the frequent anti argument that one of the reasons Dream should be criticized is because he explicitly uses his fanbase to attack others, or something of the sort. Personally, I think he created his fanbase in a very specific way and interacts with them in such a way so as to benefit him as much as possible, yes, but he never actually tells his fanbase to go and yell at or harrass anyone. Still, there is a significant difference between not condoning something and condemning something. It might seem unfair, and it might be annoying of me to say this, but I truly think that someone with this large a fanbase, especially one as overzealous as Dream’s, needs to be condemned every single time it goes on some kind of rampage/harrassment campaign. Either that, or Dream needs to make a definitive, permanent statement against any kind of harrassment of others on his behalf. I know he’ll occassionally make the odd tweet or serious stream addressing something his fanbase did, but one of the many reasons his fanbase keeps doing the same damn thing is because he’s so lukewarm and spotty about this condemnation. A fanbase like his needs to be given explicit guidance and boundaries for the numerous things they do in his defense- harrassing/doxing antis, harrassing people who criticize him who aren’t antis (respectful criticism, other CCs, other MCYT stans, etc.), harrassing the people he critcizes (i.e., HBomb), speculating about his personal life (his relationship with his gf, his mental health/ADHD, his romantic life, his childhood, etc.), and speculating about his relationships with his friends and colleagues.  My personal ideology is that, if you have significant influence over someone or a group of people, you are at least somewhat responsible for the things those people do or don’t do, if it at all relates back to you. I’m so fucking tired of the argument that CCs aren’t responsible for what their fans do. Obviously they aren’t responsible for every single one of their fans, and obviously they can’t fully control their fans at the end of the day. But I think there are certain things that reach such a level of extremity that does make those CCs responsible. This can be measured by either scale or intensity; that is to say, if a CC’s fanbase does things on an extremely large scale, or one person from/a fraction of the fanbase does something really extreme, then the CC is made all the more responsible. Another CC I’ve always had trouble discussing with other people on this subject is Pewdiepie, in particular, about the extremists in his fanbase. Because the things a small handful of his fans have done in reference to him and/or in his name were so fucking extreme, I thought Pewdiepie had to take at least some responsibilty. Along a similar vein, because the things Dream’s general fanbase does are so widespread and on such a massive scale, Dream has to take at least some responsibility.

Fifth, okay. Hmmm. I want to tackle this point you made about the ableism he faces in some criticism of him carefully and with empathy, but not coddling. One, I do think a lot of the criticism he receives for the ways he handles criticism (post-cheating Tweets, reactions to John Swan, post-MCC HBomb stream, etc.), disregard his RSD and can be oftentimes ableist. I’ve actually encountered people irl who criticize this aspect of Dream’s character, and have had to explain to them their disregard for how ADHD/RSD affect neurodivergent people’s reactions to criticism. But - and this is a big, and very controversial but - I think mentally ill/disordered people can 100% leverage their mental illness/disorders for the sake of manipulation. This is actually something I’ve learned from a psychiatrist, regarding the ways people I know and I handle our anxiety and depression. This manipulation can be unwitting or intentional, but it is entirely possible, and the possibility shouldn’t be entirely dismissed as ableist. Living with a mental illness or disorder that others know about/that you are very public about puts you in an interesting position to receive frequent sympathy, empathy, and/or pity. I’m not saying that empathy for Dream having ADHD/RSD is entirely unjustified; on the contrary, I have frequently expressed how I can relate to his ADHD symptoms and have defended him for expressing those symptoms, both on mcytblr and in real life. I am saying that Dream fans tend to use his ADHD as a kind of shield for a lot of criticism levied against him, including the supposition that he could be manipulating his fanbase to defend him because of his public expressions of RSD. So yes, my theory is that Dream knows how to levy every aspect of his life for his personal gain and for the growth of his brand, and that includes his ADHD. I think he has courage for his openess about his ADHD, I think his openness has contributed to the rise in awareness of mental health and empathy for neurodivergent people within Gen Z, and I think at least some of his expressions of RSD publicly/online weren’t intentionally made public. All that being said, I also think he has to know just how much his fanbase cares about defending him for his ADHD, and I think he has to know that some of the things he does related to his neurodivergence endear him to his audience, in a coddling, baby-ing, mildly ableist sorta way.  Maybe this is all incredibly presumptuous of me. Of course, I can never know the real intentions behind any Dream video, Tweet, or stream. Maybe I’m just projecting, because I can see myself doing just this, if I had the maturity I had circa 2018-2019. Idfk know, man.

Sixth, I actually agree with you here, people probably do get more mad at his fanbase than him. Dream puts out content pretty seldomly, considering the frequency of content output for other Youtubers/streamers in his field/at his brand size. And yet, he has received masses of criticism. Considering that the things Dream himself does/says do not entirely correlate with the amount of criticism he receives, I think it’s a logical assumption that a lot of that criticism actually goes back to the size of his presence online, rather than the man himself. That is to say, because of the massive community he’s amassed, the exponential growth of his fanbase, their presence on every single social media site and in virtually every single Internet space/fandom, and the size of his metaphysical presence in his fields, Dream is much bigger than the man himself, so the criticism he receives will, at least in part, be a direct or indirect result of all these other aspects of the Dream brand.  Something I don’t think many Dream fans/stans, or even most MCYT fans in general, understand, is that Dream isn’t just “one guy” in the eyes of the Internet- at least, not anymore. He hasn’t been for nearly a year. Like Pewdiepie, Mr. Beast, and other CCs who have amassed similar levels of fame and wealth via Internet content creation, Dream is a brand now, and most people will treat him as such. He isn’t just some uwu soft boy playing Minecraft anymore. He is on a whole other level from any other MCYT in his friend circle or colleague interaction bubble. His words will never again live in a vaccum or private bubble, his friend circle will never again be under anything less than intense scrutiny, his past actions will never again be simple mistakes or silly errors, his words will never again be casual tweets or streams for laughs among a couple thousand followers. Dream’s name represents something much bigger than just the one man. As such, all aspects of his brand, including his fanbase, will tie back to him and, ultimately, to any general criticism of him.

I’m not saying I like any of this, and I actually think the evolution of influencers from people to a marketable brand with similar mechanisms, responsibilities, and liabilities as a corporation is some kind of late capitalism nightmare fuel; I’m just stating my own observations and theories as to why so much anti-Dream criticism seems to be directed at his fanbase, rather than him.

Seventh, he’s just a guy, you’re right, but I think a lot of the antis on Tumblr understand this more than you know. As I’ve seen it, the sentiment among much of the “DSMP stans DNI” crowd seems to be that of “Dream/other MCYTs are such ‘bad’ people, so why do their fans stick to these mediocre, racist men, when there are so many better people to watch/better content to consume?” We know this argument is flawed for many of the obvious reasons - the conflation of all MCYTs’ actions regardless of individual identity, the equating of a CC’s fanbase’s morality to that of the CC they enjoy watching, the exxageration of any error MCYT CCs have committed as bigotry/racism, the fundamental misunderstanding and misinformation that led antis to believe this exxageration of the facts, etc. But I want to focus on the general, underlying sentiment of, “why not watch someone better, when your creator is problematic?” Sometimes, I ask this of Dream stans. Yes, being mildly ignorant, getting involved in the scandals Dream has, and being a right-leaning/libertarian centrist in the recent past all seem like harmless things, all things considered. One could say Dream isn’t nearly as bad as many antis who are misinformed seem to believe, and that there are much worse CCs Dream stans could be watching and creating fan content for. But I think what Tumblr antis wonder is, aren’t there also much better MCYTs/CCs people could be watching and stanning? Because he’s just some guy, right? Is his content truly so exceptional or is he really so exceptional a person, that people have to stick by him, despite the things that spike up regarding his current or past actions? I think that’s what made me finally decide to stop watching Dream. I realized he was just Some Guy. The Dream Team was a comforting dynamic to indulge in, DNF was a cute ship to read and speculate about, and Manhunts were fun videos to watch; however, once the Reddit posts came out and I read them in-depth, the cost-benefit analysis tipped over to the “not worth it” side for me. I realized Dream’s content, while fun and comforting, was not entirely unique, and wasn’t worth sticking around for, given what I then knew about his past political leanings. If he is just Some Guy, then there are a hundred more like him out there. There a hundred more ships, a hundred more found family dynamics, a hundred more entertaining and skilled Minecraft players. So while I agree with you on the point of people being allowed to love him regardless because he is just a guy, at the end of the day, I think that, if we are to believe that sentiment or use that argument in such a manner, we should also understand the flip side- that, if he is just some guy, why is it worth sticking around? To that I say, maybe because people just enjoy the simple things they enjoy.

Anyways, I wholly agree with your tl;dr. Thanks for that insanely long ask, this was a fun thing to keep me occupied while I’ve been at work, facilitating Zoom sessions this whole morning.

[tsukishitstain]

i would like to request a matchup if that’s okay :)) i’m shido (she/her, aLmoST 18), i’m bisexual and i’m a HUGE intp (kenma and tsukki kinnie ouch), pisces sun aqua moon!! i enjoy being alone, napping, smelling good (idk why i’m weird), working out, and listening to music. i have five siblings so the being alone part doesn’t work out much lol. i’m a barista at a downtown coffee house, i love using sarcasm and reaction pics to EVERYTHING, huge dogs (i love all animals but irish wolfhounds are my fav), scary awesome storms, and cooking spicy food (i’m vegan.) i’m about 5’5, lean build with a little bit of muscle, hair dyed black green and purple, and blue-green eyes!!! my style is generally black or other dark colors. i go between wearing oversized mens clothes to wearing short skirts and knee socks, but either way its usually black. i laugh really easily and typically come off as intimidating and reserved, but when it comes to romantic partners i LOVE to care for them and show affection (verbal reassurance, playing with their hair, love letters, cuddling and back rubs, baking for them, spending $$$ on gifts or making them, planning dates and trips). my love language is a mix of physical touch and quality time. i tend to be attracted to people who like to learn, aren’t too emotional, (this is shallow sorry) have dark hair, and won’t be upset that i need alone time. (also men who are passionate and talented and PROUD OF THEMSELVES FOR THEIR ACCOMPLISHMENTS WITHOUT BEING COCKY are sexy-) big turn offs for me are being super clingy, ANY kind of manipulative behavior, conforming to the opinions of others, and (this sounds rude i’m sorry) not being intelligent. also if they try to tell me what to do i’ll slap them <3 my ideal first date would be at home, either watching a horror movie, building a fort to nap in, or making dinner!!! i am so so sorry if this was too much or if your matchups are closed, thank you for reading all this junk!!! take care of yourself :)

omg you sound so cool we would literally be besties irl lol i had so much fun writing this!! and thank you for including so much info!! (also that last part was so sweet of you omg!!! i am taking care of myself and i hope you are too!!!) ok let’s get into it, i talk too damn much lmao

i match you with

Ushijima Wakatoshi !!!

i usually match introverts with extroverts but y’all are so compatible WHERE DO I EVEN START

how you’d meet

i’m taking advantage of the fact that you work at a coffee house (i’m a sucker for the cliche barista x character trope what can i say)

anyways you two go to school together and you know of each other but y’all don’t really interact

until he goes to a coffee shop and recognizes you

he wasn’t big on coffee...until now

and it’s okay that you come off as intimidating because it’s impossible to intimidate this man

the first time y’all talk is kinda anti climatic for the both of you

y’all are just like “don’t we go to the same school? oh cool haha anyways what can i get for you today?”

but secretly after that first interaction butterflies are forming for both of y’all

he finds himself going to get coffee more often than usual and still you two don’t really interact that much, so he’s not really sure how to approach you again yet

y’all have probably talked a few times at the shop and it’s only ever small talk like

but when he’s out jogging after school to get some fresh air and clear his mind, he sees you jogging around the same corner

his heart is beating so fast!! this is his opportunity

he goes up to you and is like “what a fortunate coincidence to see you outside of work, maybe we can make it happen again? would you like to hang out sometime?”

relationship dynamics

ok so with two introverts in this relationship, things are steady but not boring!! don’t confuse the two

you’re the slightly chaotic one in the pairing and because he’s kind of dense sometimes, you find his reactions to be hilarious

you two respect each other so much like the respect he has for you and vice versa is incredible

you would literally never have to deal with him crossing any boundaries you have

he’d never be manipulative or controlling when it comes to you

also he’s dense but not dumb!!! you two could hold intellectual conversations often and every time you have one of these conversations, you’re reminded of just how smart he actually is

he also loves the deep convos y’all have because he’s always learning something new (and so are you)! he loves hearing you express your perspective on things

and since the both of you are introverts, y’all understand that you both need alone time occasionally

he’s not clingy at all and whenever you need alone time he’d probably just busy himself with work

possible relationship issues

ok so there are a few conflicts that could potentially arise

let’s start with something light hearted!!!

as we all know, he can be dense at times so your sarcasm might not always reach him

and while dense ≠ dumb, i feel like sometimes it might be a turn off for you when he’s dense to the point where he looks dumb (sorry that’s kinda mean to say about him lol)

another thing that i feel like could be an issue (albeit not a huge one) is your love language

you love to give gifts but i feel like there might be times you feel underappreciated because of his reactions :/

like say it’s his birthday; you spent months planning something and spent your entire paycheck to buy it, you’d expect him to have some type of positive reaction to it, right?

well when he receives the gift, he just says “thank you” with a blank expression while opening it and gives you a kiss on the forehead afterwards

like it’s not a big deal that his reactions are anti climatic at first, but after a while it might make you feel as though your energy and efforts aren’t being reciprocated

what he loves about you

he LOVES the fact that you like to work out

this is so cliche but idc yall would totally go on gym

dates and get brunch together afterwards (how cute is that omg!!!)

omg something cute that he absolutely adores about you is the way you smell

if you’re the type of person who loves to try out new lotion or perfume scents (even something as insignificant as hand sanitizer) he’s the first to notice

like if before you two are eating lunch and you offer him some of the hand sanitizer you carry around he’d be like “oh is that a new scent?”

or when y’all are cuddling and he can smell the lotion on your skin

he’s obsessed!! every time y’all cuddle you notice he’s always inhaling your scent

he loves that it’s so easy to make you laugh!!! sometimes he might not understand what he did to make you laugh or why it’s funny, but he’s just happy you're laughing

hearing your laughter literally makes his heart warm and if you’re quick enough, you can spot his face that’s adorned with eye crinkles and a soft smile

when you’re in a goofy mood you’d laugh at everything he does because he’s so funny without even realizing it

oh and good thing you like wearing oversized clothes because ushi loves seeing you in his stuff

doesn’t matter if it’s just you wearing his shirt to bed, he loves it

he would especially love coming home after practice to see you in the kitchen making dinner or just lounging on the couch in the living room with his clothes on

you would look so ridiculous(ly adorable) in his clothes, he can’t help but to laugh when he sees you sometimes

oh and another thing!!! back rubs!!!

sometimes he practices to the point where he overworks himself not only mentally but also physically so it’s not surprising that he always has sore muscles in one place or another

your back rubs would be on his mind as he pushes himself in the gym!!!

“one more rep then i get to come home to her back rubs” is what he tells himself (too cute my heart is bursting!!!)

new here? check out my masterlist

want to request a match up? check my match up guide to see what to include

a/n #2: haha i wrote so much but you gave me so much to work with so i had a lot to cover (which is a good thing btw) i know i already said this in the first a/n but i literally love that you included so much info!! usually people are hesitant to send a lot of info bc they feel like they’re rambling but those are the best requests tho because the more you ramble the more i know about you and the more i can write!!

[publicprocessingbemethang-blog]

Sigh…

My ex still helping me out in ways that make me feel like a user. The cigs, the rides, the weed… meeting they family. It’s giving I’m the ain’t shit nigga.

Then I’m in infatuation with the king I cuddled with. I like him so much. I crave his arms around me again. But then talking to my ex. All these politics come up.

Attractiveness. My ex is fat and masc with a pussy. King is fit, masc, and a cis man. And I’m worried how my ex came off needy to me, I would come off to him. Also, my ex’s understanding of fatness just got me even more fucked up.

Like I’m not cute enough 😭. But then what am I really saying? I’m just worried from this point on the people I’m attracted to won’t be attracted to me. Cause I thought my ex was cute but am aware my attraction faded quicker with their fuck shit then it did with my ex before them. And I’m like, do I give more grace to conventionally attractive cis men than I do anyone else?

But then I’m like… I won’t give any nigga grace after J! And my ex was the first one after that monster. So when they crossed my boundaries it was over. Like my body repels them. But is that because of what they did or because of how they look?

It’s both. Idk. I just wanted to be taken cared of today. I wanted to be held. I was asking everyone for hugs. And I know coming off desperate.

I know I feel the programming that the more someone wants something from me, the more I don’t want to give it. Unless I’m really really really attracted to them and/or have the capacity.

I thought me sibling. Who I’ve had a crush on for now three years, was gonna come through for me today. But he tired and busy investing in himself , his job, his home, and his romantic partners. Still, he said we were gonna link today and my dumbass believed him. We have the type of relationship where we know each other so well, certain shit don’t hurt us as much. Like when we break each other’s promises or plans fall through.

I knew/know he is tired and hustling. And so many people need, want, are demanding his time and energy. And he just gave me half a day with him where we solely focused on my schemes.

Still, tonight I was gonna be brave and not only not resist his physical displays of affection but was gonna try out asking for what I crave.

I was really gonna ask bestie to cuddle 😭.

Yea… I’m wilding for that. Maybe not.

[kangseluigi]

Stream of consciousness I guess dk

I just had a lot of thoughts while being incredibly sad yesterday so lemme just

tumblr deleted my paragraph and won't give it back gvhkjlk but basically I'm just so fucking angry over the audacity of men to think your silence means they are right. Dude, I'm literally just speechless that you have that much confidence in your own stupidity. A dude can see you get dragged to dance class, be put on every diet in the world, get dragged to weight loss programs all week, on top of gym class, AND work out together with you for a year, then stares you in the face and asks "when did YOU ever actually work out????" and when you stare back at him like "!!?!?!?!?!!?!" cause how the FUCK do you not know?? he deadass goes "yeah, exactly!!! See?" Like??? NO?? I don't?! I hate you?!

______________________

But also on a completely different note, I am SO lonely. I have like 2 friends right now I actually, semi-regularly talk to and I am so tired of always relying on them. I already have a phase where I don't really want to talk to my bestie (it's normal, we don't always want to talk, we both have our social-burn out phases or w/e where we just feel too tired and exhausted to talk to each other because we only bring each other down ig, it lasts months sometimes, it's fine, I swear!) and the other one doesn't really want to talk to me or is busy or idk and it sucks cause like, I get it, and I don't want to rely on her too much either, but I literally have no other friends anymore atm, and it's not like I can go out and make new ones lbr. And I don't want to bother her and say "hey I Need help from you" 'cause if she needs a break from me it's deserved, but at the same time, sometimes I DO need help or just someone to talk to, and yesterday sucked so bad but I know that atm she does not read my messages very on time so even begging for help wouldn't do much I guess, but I also don't want to guilt trip her into talking to me or anything?? or force it?

And idk. maybe it's my fault that she doesn't wanna talk to me, because I was too depressed and negative for too long? Maybe she thinks she's gonna get hit with a wall of whining from me if we talk for real? I'd get that, but generally I'm doing so much better, so I really don't know! Maybe it really just is… being busy, being not in the mood. It's just one of those weeks where I wonder if she actually likes me anymore or if she wishes I'd leave her alone, so I'll manipulate it by leaving her alone until she reaches out to me. And it's not that I expect things of her I do not communicate, but how do you say "hey, I'd like to know you a) actually like me b) actually want to talk to me and c) it'd be grand if once in a while you could ask me like…how I am if anything's new, because I make an effort to do that with you and don't feel like that's returned, and I get it, but it'd still be nice" without making things WEIRD?! Our friendship is weird anyway. It's an odd miracle that we became friends in the first place, but while we get along well and have great conversations, we're not the emotional kind with each other. But she also says she's also only got like 3 friends and then is a social butterfly on all social media and idgi

tbf I also don't really want someone to talk to me because they feel they have to, it makes things worse rather than better, which is why I usually just post something here or on twitter going "hey, can someone pls talk to me?" instead of reaching out directly but you know what happens?

Nothing.

Nothing happens at all. no one reaches out and idk why.

I see people interacting with several posts right before and after that one, but not the one where I ask for anyone to just…talk to me. It doesn't have to be deep or meaningful. Just a quick "hey what's up" is enough. You can talk to me about what you ate that day, idc, just let me have some conversation, some social interaction because I am so goddamn isolated, and knowing it all goes ignored is so gutting tbh.

Again, I get that many people might not know what to say, or don't want to deal with someone else's problems but it sucks when you see several people interact with your shit but skip that one

And tbh?

(TW suicide mention/suicidal thoughts, skip to the next line/section if you want)

Another reason I only reach out directly if I know I feel shit but can manage it, somehow, is because if I have any thought that I might relapse in any way, it would be bad for others to see that I begged for someone to reach out and then killed myself when no one did, but ultimately? Everyone would think "shit, why did no one reach out? I was busy/didn't see it/couldn't deal, and that sucks, but why did NO ONE else?" like…people might feel a little shit, maybe regret it, but not feel too guilty. But if I drop you a message, you don't reply on time, and I end up dead, you'd feel directly responsible and that is…not ideal.

_____________________

NEW TOPIC

I have …so much trauma? And I don't always know what causes the ptsd. Like

I'll be interacting with a group I enjoy and suddenly I'm mad as hell at them because ????? I'm just suddenly convinced they're all assholes and treat other people like shit or w/e which ??? I mean even if lmao what does that change for *me*? And then as soon as I have that thought I start to question how the once I like can tolerate that behaviour, which I don't even know they actually DO gvfhbwijdlköals what is wrong with me?

I mean, I know it's because my brother abused the shit out of me in many ways and every time I see an average dude weirdly confident in himself and maybe a little too easily pissed off, I get reminded of him on SOME level and suddenly I want to kill all men I GUESS

And maybe it's also because my mother mentioned him callously again, too

but mostly

And this is NSFW-ish and maybe a little too personal but I abandoned all boundaries so: if you don't want to read anything about my sex life, stop here!

I literally only masturbate like…once in a blue moon because I know it increases depression after a while and it sucks for discipline and all that but I just don't understand why sometimes It makes me feel better and i can go on like normal, and sometimes it makes me want to kill myself for the rest of the day.

Does it have to with whether I go to sleep after or stay awake? Does it have to do with which content I consume/what I think about? I DON'T KNOW! Like I know I have trauma and all that, but after years of avoiding it entirely because of that and then getting better and being able to again, I thought we're past that but APPARENTLY NOT!?

I need therapy yo.