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agathaandbrienneslesbian · 10 months ago

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Hearts of Justice

Miranda Hilmarson x Secretary!Reader

Hello everyone and happy new year to you all <3 I am back with a new mini-fic.

Decided to make a lil illustration for the fic :3

Reminder that I have a Taglist now so make sure to use it <3

Also big thanks to @weemssapphicfor beta reading this piece <3

Disclaimer: English is not my first language!

Warnings: Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Kissies, Love confessions

A/N: Y/N is a secretary at the police station where Miranda works. But what happens when y/n has to console Miranda after a rather rough breakup?

Words: 2'100+

AO3 Link

Taglist

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You have been working at the station for about two years now.

When you first started, Miranda Hilmarson had been the only friendly face there. The two of you immediately became best friends, spending your breaks and sometimes even free time together.

Technically, you weren’t a Constable, like Miranda. No, you worked as the station's secretary. You supposed this might have been the reason why they didn’t necessarily welcome you.

Of course, you have been the topic of many bets and pranks, especially from your male coworkers. You never understood the allure of such childish things but… when you were with Miranda, childish things seemed to just make sense. Listening to her gush about her favourite show or how passionate she was about her work, despite being picked on herself, was the highlight of your day. You supposed that’s why the two of you got along so well. Miranda and you shared the same struggles. Even though the both of you didn’t necessarily have a good connection to your coworkers, you still made it through the day with the help of each other.

A few months ago, you noticed how your affection towards the blonde Constable has changed. It has… intensified. And, of course, it had to happen right when that stupid Adrian dumped her. You never understood what she saw in him… he was a liar, a cheat, didn’t treat her right. It made your blood boil. Seeing her be so hopeful when you knew all he would do was make her cry, break her… it made you so unbelievably angry. And when the inevitable happened, and he dropped her, you were there. You caught her in your arms, cradled her gently and whispered apologies and soft affirmations as she sobbed in your arms on the couch of your flat.

“He didn’t deserve you”, “I am so sorry he did this to you”, “You deserve better, Mir”, “I will not leave your side. I promise”, “Never again will I let anyone hurt you like this”

It took you a good hour to have her relax in your arms. Still, you didn’t move. This is when it hit you. This exact, stupid moment was when it hit you. How much you actually admired her. How much you cared for her… how much you loved her. It hit you like a brick, square in the face, and your heart sank. You were in love with her. You couldn’t tell her… never… you were her best friend after all, and you certainly didn’t want her to think you used her in her most vulnerable state, so… you stayed quiet.

For days

For weeks

For months

Half a year has passed since that fateful night, and it simply got more and more difficult to hold back your emotions, your feelings, your affections. So, you started distancing yourself. Small things at first like your lunch break, the hours you worked.

In the end, you only saw her at the station, walking in and out. You have completely detached yourself from her and it… hurt. But you couldn’t tell her… could you? She wouldn’t understand…

It took all your strength to deny her once more when she asked you, with a hopeful glimmer in her eyes, if you wanted to join her for a beer after work. You hated the defeated look on her face as you declined, coming up with yet another excuse. But this time… something was... different.

You could swear you saw tears. Miranda was… truly upset. This wasn’t your intention, this wasn’t what you wanted… before you could stop her or say something else, tell her you changed your mind, she walked off. Strong and long legs taking her down the halls and out the door. With a defeated sigh and tears burning in your eyes, you leaned back. That’s it… you’ve done it… Miranda probably hated you now.

“I would go after her if I were you…”

A strong voice spoke from behind, and you jumped, not expecting to be ambushed like that. You quickly turned in your chair to see the small detective standing behind you. A frown laid itself on your face as you looked at her questioningly.

“I- what?”

“Oh, you heard me.”

You looked at the brunette, then turned your face to the exit. Maybe… with a quick move, you stood, making your way out. Robin was right. You couldn’t let this be. You wouldn’t be the reason why Miranda cried. Never. You promised her.

Panting heavily, you finally caught up with the blonde who sat on a bench outside, frantically smoking a cigarette and wiping tears away. The sight broke your heart.

“Mir…”

You said softly, watching as she jumped and her eyes widened. She turned her head away and quickly wiped away her tears.

“Yeah… yeah?”

You took a deep breath and sat down next to her, just looking at her, unsure about what to do. You took a deep breath and pulled her into a hug. She quickly wrapped her arms around you, hiding her face in your neck. You could physically feel her relax in your arms, and it made your heart constrict.

“I’m sorry… I would love to go have a beer with you tonight.”

You spoke softly, running your fingers through her hair. Gods, you missed being this close to her.

“Really…?”

The blonde asked quietly. With a deep breath and a nod, you pulled her even closer.

“Yes, really.”

You whispered and let go of her. Miranda let go reluctantly and smiled at you, but the smile didn’t quite reach her eyes.

“Wanna… meet at my place?” she asked softly and you nodded. Taking her hands and squeezing them gently. Miranda’s cigarette now on the floor, forgotten by the two of you. Her smile brightened a bit and she nodded.

“Then I’ll have some beers cold and ready when you arrive.”

“That sounds wonderful!”

—

The rest of the day had been strangely uneventful, besides the growing worry and fear of what tonight might bring for you. You almost lost your cool this afternoon, wanting to press sweet kisses to her head and face. But you held yourself back. Miranda wasn’t interested in you like that…

After work, you quickly rushed home, took a shower and changed into something a bit less formal and more comfortable. You styled your hair and added just a smidge of makeup. Not too much. With one final look in the mirror, you quickly made your way over to Miranda’s place. Standing in front of the door, your nerves started getting the better of you. You can’t do this… this is gonna be too much for you. Before you could decide if you wanted to leave or not, the door in front of you opened.

“Ah, I thought I had heard something!”

Miranda smiled down at you and stepped aside for you to enter. With a shy smile, you stepped into her flat. It had been weeks since you’d last been here. It smelled like her and you felt slightly dizzy. After taking off your shoes and sitting down on her couch, Miranda quickly followed with two beers, handing you one.

“I’m glad you’re here. I started to miss your presence.” she said softly and blushed, quickly taking a swig from her beer. You did the same, trying to suppress your blush. She missed you…

“You’ve been very busy lately… what had you so occupied? Maybe a special someone?” She asked softly, wiggling with her eyebrows but the way she asked the question… something seemed off.

“Wha- no! Well… not really… not like you think… I’m not…”

A bright blush crept onto your face, and you quickly took another big sip of your beer. Gods, you wouldn’t survive this. Miranda watched you closely, a sad frown on her face.

“Then… why were you avoiding me..?”

The pain you felt in your heart almost made you double over. This is never what you wanted. You never wanted to hurt her. With a sigh, you set the beer down and started fiddling with your fingers.

“It’s not… easy..”

“Tell me! Please! Have… have I done something wrong?”

“No…”

“Have… have I hurt you? Have I been a bad friend? Y/n please! I must know. What have I done to you? Have I said something that upset you or-“

“NO! No… Miranda… no, you could never…”

You sighed. You couldn’t tell her…

Looking up you saw her face, pain, fear, worry, sadness. You- you just had yelled at her…

“Oh gods, Miranda, I am so sorry I… I didn’t-“

“No it’s.. It’s okay…”

She spoke softly and set her beer down. She was about to get off the couch, but you grabbed her wrist, holding her in place. You had to tell her. You couldn’t see her so upset any more, it was too painful. The blonde’s icy blues looked at you, confusion written on her face as she waited for you to proceed.

“Miranda I- the reason why I was so distant… I don’t know how to tell you.”

You took a deep breath. Miranda had moved your grip, holding your hand now. Her thumb softly rubbing over your knuckles, trying to help you feel calm. It just made you even more nervous. She cared so much.

“The reason why I was so distant was… I am in love with you.”

You squeezed your eyes shut, waiting for an answer but when none came you pulled your hand from her grip and covered your face.

“I- I have realised that I felt this way the day that asshole broke up with you… it hit me like a brick and… I didn’t want to tell you. You were so broken… you needed a friend not… that. I-I couldn’t be around you any more because it was just eating me up from the inside every time we spent time together. I had to distance myself because I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable… I didn’t want to- to take advantage of you I- I care too much… Miranda, I love you…”

Silence. Tears threatened to spill from your eyes but if you had looked up you would have seen Miranda's face. A bright blush had covered her face, ears and chest, eyes wide, staring at you with hope, with longing, with unspoken emotions. You loved her. She could be loved, someone, you really loved her.

“I-I’m sorry… I’ll see myself out, please just forget-“

“No…”

You turned to look at her, taking in her features. She was… smiling. Not in a ‘making fun of you’ type of way, no, a genuine smile. Miranda moved closer, wrapping her arms around you and pulling you close, running her fingers through your hair as she pulled you against her body. Instinctively, your arms wrapped around the strong blonde, falling into her embrace, her scent, her soft breaths against your shoulder, falling into her.

“Y-you’re not mad? Uncomfortable? Disgusted?”

Miranda pulled away to cup your face, wiping a tear from your cheek as she looked into your eyes.

“I could never. I love you too much.”

She whispered, smiling softly down at you. Your eyes widened. She… loved you?

“Miranda I-“

“Can I kiss you?”

You looked into her eyes, her icy blue orbs reflecting nothing but love, care and hope. You nodded, cupping her cheeks and gently tucking some hair behind her ear.

“Please!”

She leaned in, you felt her warm breath on your skin and then her soft, warm lips against yours. It was a perfect fit. Like the last piece in a puzzle. She completed you and in that moment all of your worries flew out the window. Miranda was gentle and careful. Her lips moved against yours with soft movements, and she made sure to hold you as if you were about to fall apart. She held you, she protected you.

After a minute or two, she pulled away and smiled softly at you, pressing a gentle peck to your forehead. You smiled and closed your eyes, enjoying the feeling of her soft, warm lips against your forehead. You belonged here. In her arms, in her embrace.

“After that night… I started realising how much you actually mean to me. Of course, it took a while for me to realise that what I felt for you was more than friendship. When you started distancing yourself, I was afraid… I thought you noticed. That I- somehow had shown too much, said too much… scared you off…” Miranda admitted and stroked your cheek gently. Keeping eye contact with you. You pressed a quick peck to her lips and the palm of her hand.

“You could never. I love you, Miranda.”

The blonde Constable smiled and pulled you into another embrace, leaning back against the couch and having you snuggle into her arms. Where you belonged.

“I wouldn’t want to be loved by anyone but you.”

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Taglist: @erinyaya @phexyce @aemilia19 @weemssapphic @gela123 @winterfireblond @Xxmecverxx @unicorniusfallapatorious @gwenistheloml @yourgaeyisshowing

As always, Likes, Comments and Reblogs are welcome <3

#gwendoline christie #sapphic #fanfic #wlw #reader insert #ao3 #gwendoline christie fanfics #queer #miranda my baby #miranda hilmarson #gwendoline christie characters #miranda hilmarson x reader

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excelsi-or · 4 years ago

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just a little sweeter (pt.1)

Hello wonderful friends~~ I have returned with a single dad!Jihoon fic as promised. Obviously it’ll be fluffy as hell and is mostly just Jihoon, his daughter, and a new woman in his life navigating the starts of a relationship when there’s a kid involved already. Similar to to the boy i love right now series, this is mostly just snapshots of varying points in time rather than one long cohesive story. So most of them can be read as standalones. Uhm, I think that's all the caveats I have.

ALSO what do you guys think of 24H by Seventeen? I’m kinda.. meh about it. But they LOOK fantastic.

BIPOC rec: Just some YouTube channels that I’ve been watching lately. Francina Simone (Black booktuber/author; she recently did a taro card video); furrylittlepeach (Sha’an is one of my favourite illustrators and also one of my favourite YouTubers at the moment. She does studio vlogs); Kingsley (He recently started making videos again. Nice chaos); Spella (a Korean tutter. She choreographed Seulgi & Irene’s Naughty)

warnings: there’s one swear word in here.

w.c. 1.2k (fluffity fluff)

“Eunha,” Jihoon whispers. “Eunha-yah.”

His baby blinks her eyes open slowly and rubs her eyes with the back of her hand. Her face starts to crumple, but Jihoon cups the side of her head. His thumb rubs back and forth along her temple in an attempt to soothe her. Her breath stutters and Jihoon scoops her up. “You can sleep in the studio.”

Her head falls to his shoulder and he can hear her sniffling. His heart drops. Jihoon wishes that he could let her sleep, but the few times that he’d brought her straight to the studio without waking her first, she cried for an hour at the unfamiliarity. So it seems, as long as she knows where she’s going and he’s the first face she sees, she’ll be okay.

These are things Jihoon is constantly learning. What his baby likes and doesn’t like. When she was born a year and a half ago, Jihoon was worried about being a father. When her mother had gone to rehab, he’d worried even more about being good for Eunha. He started bringing her everywhere. Because somehow, despite not wanting children and having a budding career, Eunha became his world. Even above Seventeen.

When he’d gained custody six months ago, he tried leaving her in Busan with his parents. They adored her, but she cried every time he left and he felt like the worst human being ever. There were nannies, but while well-meaning, they never felt right. He tried daycares, but he knew that his introverted daughter, even as a baby, was not coping well being surrounded by people she hardly recognized.

The first day Jihoon brought her to the studio was the first time he hadn’t brought home a cranky baby. So he kept doing that. She would fall asleep in his studio. He purchased noise cancelling earmuffs for babies so she could sit in on dance practices. She sits right in the center where everyone can see her. She either falls asleep or sits and colours. She’s never been a hyperactive baby, but she loves being around everyone.

By the time Jihoon arrives at the studio, his baby has fallen asleep again.

Seungkwan comes in a half hour later to find Jihoon so that he can record. He kisses Eunha’s forehead, brushing her hair out of her face as she dozes on the couch. “How is she?”

Jihoon yawns, collecting his copy of the lyrics as Seungkwan scoops her up. They head towards one of the recording booths.

“She was running a fever all night. It’s gone down this morning.” Jihoon yawns again. “She hasn’t been sick since her mom left. I think I’m out of my depth.”

Seungkwan passes her to Jihoon who trades him a copy of the lyrics. As Jihoon sits in his seat, Eunha rests her cheek on his chest, her hair a wild mane. Jihoon keeps telling himself he should comb it. At least so that she doesn’t look as if she’s been raised by wolves. Being raised by thirteen men plus or minus a few would be a solid equivalent, but he doesn’t need the entire world to know that.

While running his fingers gently through her hair to get some of the knots out, Jihoon swivels the chair so the large red button is in reach. Bumzu joins them, runs a hand over Eunha’s head and then sits to control the music.

As Jihoon directs Seungkwan, Eunha turns her head on his chest towards the booth. He rubs her back, her fever-ridden body warming his.

Seungkwan’s recording doesn’t take long and they quickly start cycling through all the members, who poke their head in asking if there’s a line. A couple hours later, it’s Jihoon’s turn. He starts to sit up and Eunha sits back.

“Have you been awake the whole time?” Jihoon teases. He brushes her hair out of her eyes.

Eunha smiles sleepily at him. He tries not to worry too much about the red flush in her cheeks or the burning in his chest from how warm her skin is.

Jihoon hoists her up and hands her to Bumzu. “You sit here with Uncle Bumzu for a bit.”

As the day progresses, Eunha’s fever begins to climb. She spends most of the day sleeping, drinking water when Jihoon makes her, and drinking orange juice that Hansol brought in. By dinnertime, Jihoon decides to call an early night.

With his baby’s head on his shoulder, her arms around his neck, Jihoon walks to a nearby grocery store. The members all offered their suggestions of what he should do to level out her fever; it made Jihoon’s head spin too.

“Yeah, yes, I know. I’ll bring it home.”

Jihoon glances over at the voice. It’s a woman on the phone. Her eyes are skimming through the medicines in front of them.

“Yes, your boyfriend is a sh—” She meets Jihoon’s eye then catches sight of Eunha attached to him. “A horrible human being.”

Jihoon can’t help but chuckle and then turns his attention back to the medicine.

“I’m hanging up now, you whiny brat. Sleep until I get home. Yes, yes. Hanging up now, bye.” She sighs. “Sorry.”

Jihoon nods his head. “That’s okay. Thanks for—”

“Are you Woozi?”’

Jihoon blinks in surprise. Her ‘sorry’ had meant different things to both of them. “Oh.” He wonders if he could deny it, but he’s dressed in his signature ball cap, large t-shirt and shorts. “Yeah.”

She nods. “I didn’t know you had a kid.”

“Oh.” Jihoon’s mind races, but fails him. All he can think about is his daughter’s spiking temperature. He can’t come up with a viable lie. Sighing, he says,“Yeah.”

She hums and notices Jihoon standing in front of the children’s medicine. “I usually get the Children’s Tylenol for my little brother when he’s sick. But…” She glances at Jihoon. “I wouldn’t give her anything if she’s sleeping. Let her sleep it off.”

Jihoon lifts an eyebrow. “You’re a nurse?”

She scoffs and shakes her head, squatting down to inspect the various Nyquils. “God, no. Just have a younger sibling her age. Spend a lot of time taking care of him when my parents are working.”

“Your medicine is for…?”

Her eyes tip up to him, two boxes in her hands. “My best friend,” she sighs. “Woman caught a cold from her boyfriend, who then refuses to let her stay in their apartment until she’s better.” She rolls her eyes. “Every other time, he’s great. But god, boys are pathetic.”

Jihoon smiles at this. “Yeah. We are.”

She grins as she decides on the extra strength Nyquil for her friend. When she straightens, she continues. “Orange juice, sleep, and soup is usually better for their stomachs.”

Jihoon’s brow furrows wondering if she’s referring to boys, her best friend or Eunha.

She clarifies with a laugh. “Kids. Be gentle on her tummy.”

Jihoon’s mouth drops in realization. “Right. Yeah. Thank you.”

She hesitates for a moment, but decides against whatever she was going to say and bows. “It was nice to meet you, Woozi.”

“Yes, you too.” He bows his head. “Thank you again.”

“I hope she feels better.”

Jihoon tips his head.

“Your daughter and my friend.” She waves the Nyquil in the air. “She’ll drive me insane otherwise.” Then she turns on her heel and heads towards the registers.

Jihoon watches her go and then heads towards the juice aisle, Children’s Tylenol in hand.

pt. 2

#woozi imagines #woozi scenarios #woozi #seventeen scenarios #seventeen imagines #seventeen #lee jihoon scenarios #svt

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wolfstar-recs2019 · 5 years ago

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Wolfstar Recs Collection 2019

Yay! Congratulations to everyone on the list!

Y'all are very talented people and made the year 2019 a blast!

Special thanks to everyone who took time to submit recommendations during last tree months! Also huge thanks to everyone who spread the word and cheered recommended creators! Please, go on and let all those amazing content creators know how you love what they do by leaving kudos, comments to their works and sharing personal recs!

We perceive this list like an approximate map of the starry sky area: some stars are visible with a bare eye, some need a telescope to be mapped and lots of others are hidden in the vast of space and haven’t been found by cartographers yet. This collection is a handful of many amazing works and talented creators, but so many more are somewhere in the vast of internet waiting to be discovered!

See the list below ↓

Fanfiction

Author Of The Year:

@jennandblitz; @marlenemckinn ; @atyd-wolfstar; @lumosinlove; @curlyremus ; @letsdothepanic; @maraudererasmut; @ashes-and-ashes-dust-and-dust; @gooseberrybrains; @thehufflebean ; @sirius-black-killed-god, @remus-john-lupin

Headcanons Writer Of The Year :

@siriushpads ; @incorrectmarauders ; @goodboylupin ; @modern-wolfstar ; @maraudererasmut ; @confunded-gryffindor, @remus-la-swearwolf, @remus-john-lupin

Wolfstar Series Of The Year :

Rock 'n' Pole by @jennandblitz and @marlenemckinn; Marauder Ink by @jennandblitz; The Marauders' Map by @stonecoldhedwig; Blends!verse by rvltn909*; Chicken Man by @confunded-gryffindor; A/S/L by @maraudererasmut; Primaver(se)a by @quoththethestral; constellations universe by @curlyremus; Before the Thunder by CiciWeezil *, The men of number 12 Grimmauld Place series by Tedah*,

Wolfstar Multi-Chapter Fic 2019 :

Marauder Ink by @jennandblitz; Of Masters and Slaves by @jencala; We Were Infinite by @captofthesswolfstar; Distant Stars by @of-stars-and-moon; Solntse by @lumosinlove; Liebestraum by @quoththethestral; Taste by @jennandblitz; A/S/L by @maraudererasmut; IRL by @maraudererasmut; The Other Side of Sorrow by @thehufflebean; keysmash by @wishingitwerewolfstar; Dog Filled Days Aren't Over by @jlpierre; Dress up in You by @atyd-wolfstar; Tell Me How You Really Feel by @curlyremus; Constellations by @curlyremus; Troubles in Bed Sharing by @kattlupin; The Boy Who Killed God by @sirius-black-killed-god, Now I Wanna Be Your Dog by pixelated, Records With Sirius Black by @kattlupin

Wolfstar One Shot 2019:

The Treasuries of Firenze by @jennandblitz; Fire On Fire by @wolfstargarden; Temptation by @curlyremus; When I'm With You by @purplechimera8; Insomnia by @january3693; The Heir by @remus-john-lupin; Thick Ties by @letsdothepanic and @maraudererasmut; Heal by @nisargasinha, Summer Lovin' by Tedah*

Wolfstar Flash Fic 2019 (under 500 words):

Secrets by @evax3; The Watch by @maraudererasmut; Familiar by @yumenouveau

Wolfstar Collaboration Of The Year :

Rock 'n' Pole by @marlenemckinn, @jennandblitz; Sugar Maple by @maraudererasmut, @purplechimera8; Ain't Together by @marlenemckinn, @jennandblitz; Lost Without You by @dearsirius and @of-stars-and-moon; Thick Ties by @letsdothepanic and @maraudererasmut, Your friend, Remus. by @maraudererasmut and @tsundanire

Best Wolfstar As Secondary Ship In Fic 2019:

Maybe I Waited Too Long - A Marauders Medical AU by @blitheringmcgonagall; The Reclamation of Black Magic by @shayalonnie; Calamity's Child by @aibidil

Favourite Wolfstar/Anyone Pairing In Fic 2019 : Never Have I Ever... (Wolfstarbucks) by @jennandblitz ; I'd get on my knees (Wolfstarbucks) by @letsdothepanic, The truth is rarely pure (And never simple) (Wolfstarbucks) by @tsundanire

Wolfstar Canonverse Fic 2019: We Were Infinite by @captofthesswolfstar; We Can Be Heroes by @blitheringmcgonagall; Thick Ties by @letsdothepanic and @maraudererasmut, The Same Old Dogs by @remus-john-lupin

Wolfstar Magical AU Fic 2019:

Someone We Used to Know by @january3693 ; Runes by @YumeNouveau ; The Other Side of Sorrow by @thehufflebean , The Moon That Breaks by @thehufflebean , Every Rose Has Its Thorns by shadow_prince

Wolfstar Muggle/Modern AU Fic 2019:

Dress up in You by @atyd-wolfstar; Marauder Ink by @jennandblitz; Chicken Man by @confunded-gryffindor; Liebestraum by @quoththethestral; SHAME by @bringblackback; Primavera by @quoththethestral; Constellations by @curlyremus; Pas de Deux in the Upper West Side by @bringblackback; Fire On Fire by @wolfstargarden; Hepburn Avenue by @stonecoldhedwig; A/S/L by @maraudererasmut; Ain't Together by @marlenemckinn and @jennandblitz; Crash Into Me by @shadowprince27 , That Black Glitter by @tsundanire, Solntse by @lumosinlove

Wolfstar Cross-Universe Fic 2019 :

Excommunicado by @yumenouveau; The Treasuries of Firenze by @jennandblitz

Wolfstar Classic Tropes Fic 2019:

Insomnia by @january3693; Troubles in Bed Sharing by @kattlupin; Trust the Wolf to Bring You Home by @pancake-surprise, Scars and Kisses by RainShine

Wolfstar Comedy In Fic 2019:

Hepburn Avenue by @stonecoldhedwig; Caraway Street by @stonecoldhedwig; Life Finds a Way by @confunded-gryffindor; Totally Tropical Remus in The Caribbean by @wolfstargarden; Moony's Mattresses by @starstruck4moony; SHAME by @bringblackback; Black Valentine by @theprongsletthatlived

Wolfstar Angst Fic 2019:

Not Anymore by @holy-shit-its-wolfstar, Constellations by @curlyremus; SHAME by @bringblackback; The Treasuries of Firenze by @jennandblitz; Hollow by @letsdothepanic; The Moon that Breaks by @thehufflebean; Notes by @ashes-and-ashes-dust-and-dust; Not If It's You by estas_absentis*; The Other Side of Sorrow by @thehufflebean, Far too young to die by @tsundanire, Only In Dreams by shadow_prince

Wolfstar Fluff Fic 2019:

Til the Very End by @jencala; Wouldn't It Be Nice? by @marlenemckinn and @jennandblitz; It Takes Four to Tango by @magic-girl-in-a-muggle-world; Of Bookshelves and Baby Carriers by @poppunkpadfoot , Safe by @withrewings, Summer Lovin' by Tedah*, An Endless Account of First Dates Series by @kattlupin

Wolfstar Smut In Fic 2019:

Pas de Deux in the Upper West Side by @bringblackback; Primavera by @quoththethestral; My Own Secret Ceremonials by @jennandblitz; Subatomic @ebp-brain; A Night Out by @maraudererasmut; The Suit by @maraudererasmut; Black Glitter by @jennandblitz; A/S/L by @maraudererasmut; Of Masters and Slaves by @jencala; When Remus Learned About Quidditch (and Became a Successful Player) by @remus-john-lupin, Happy Birthday Sirius by @tsundanire, Moonstruck by @remus-john-lupin

Favourite Sirius Black Characterisation Of 2019:

Liebestraum by @quoththethestral ; Names by rvltn909* ; Taste by @jennandblitz ; SHAME by @bringblackback; The Boy Who Killed God by @sirius-black-killed-god , The Moon that Breaks by @thehufflebean, Summer Lovin' by Tedah*

Favourite Remus Lupin Characterisation Of 2019:

Liebestraum by @quoththethestral; Names by rvltn909* ; Pas de Deux in the Upper West Side by @bringblackback; A/S/L by @maraudererasmut; IRL by @maraudererasmut; Dog Filled Days Aren't Over by @jlpierre; Primavera by @quoththethestral; Marauder Ink by @jennandblitz; Constellations by @curlyremus; The Boy Who Killed God by @sirius-black-killed-god, How to succeed in love. A tried and tested method by R. J. Lupin, married man. by Tedah, Déjà Vu by @remus-john-lupin

Beta Of The Year : @jennandblitz, @letsdothepanic

Fanart

Artist Of The Year:

@yumenouveau; @gulliblegoldfish; @littlebitellie; @filesia; @meekinthedraw; @maraudererasmut; @art-of-ame; @gibbarts; @tamehill, @alessiajontrunfio, @thehufflebean, @art-of-ame, @thisalienartist, @wallopthewicked, @tonftyhw

Wolfstar Artwork Of The Year**:

A little fun in the common room by @maraudererasmut cw:nsfw; no title by @maraudererasmut cw:nsfw; illustration for Taste by @jennandblitz by @yumenouveau; <3</a> by @filesia; Kicking off pride month with some wolfstar by @gulliblegoldfish; always have, always will. by @breart, Illustrations in The Other Side of Sorrow by @thehufflebean, Wolfstar kiss by @wallopthewicked, Good Morning by @tonftyhw

Favourite Sirius Black Portrayal (character design) Of 2019**:

first war design by @meekinthedraw ; Padfoot by @franciswillmann; Padfoot by @wallopthewicked, Black by @vagueenthusiast, Sirius Black by @tonftyhw

Favourite Remus Lupin Portrayal (character design) Of 2019**:

Remus Lupin by @softsiriusblack; Gryffindors are cool and werewolves are even cooler by @gulliblegoldfish; Moony by @cynopoe; Moony by @wallopthewicked, Professor Remus by @tonftyhw

Wolfstar Micro-Story In Art 2019**:

‘lie low at lupin’s’ by @meekinthedraw; Prongs stop being salty you will get the girl (dialogue by @asktheblacksheep) by siriuslymischief (insta); au : photographer & football player by @modern-wolfstar; I call this catharsis by @art-of-ame; SB: He wasn’t aware we were on our third date! by @wallopthewicked, Ten points to Dumbledore! by @wallopthewicked, He wasn’t aware we were on our third date! by @wallopthewicked

Wolfstar Aesthetic Of The Year**:

Sirius Black and Remus Lupin by @malfoy

Role play/Cosplay

Shapeshifter Of The Year:

@softsiriusblack; @transaurus; @praecipiopatronum, @asktheboywholived, @ask-dromeda

Favourite Sirius Black Impersonation Of 2019:

Sirius Black by @softsiriusblack; Sirius Black by @megathy-two; Sirius Black by @mymischiefisnevermanaged; Siri by @askyourlocalhufflepuff; Sirius Black by @olivandersdaughter; Sirius Black by @asktheboywholived, Sirius Black by @slytherinsiriusblack, Sirius Black by @mymischiefisnevermanaged, Sirius Black by @the-ginger-magician

Favourite Remus Lupin Impersonation Of 2019:

Remus Lupin by @praecipiopatronum; Remus Lupin by @stjernfaerie; Remus Lupin by @tired-lupin; Remus Lupin by @jenlizrose; Remus Lupin by @megathy-two; Remus Lupin by @anarrayofwits; Remus Lupin by @prettylestrange; Remus Lupin by @ask-the--stars, Remus Lupin by @asktheboywholived, Remus Lupin by @askdeantheslytherpuff, Remus Lupin by @sparklyslytherin, Remus Lupin by @talesofafoolishboy

Wolfstar Gif Thread Of The Year:

Congratulations by @softsiriusblack, @bringblackback @nikkyzaziki @praecipiopatronum; Welcome aboard by @softsiriusblack @the-moon-and-stars-my-love @praecipiopatronum; Super blue moon by @asktheboywholived, In Art Class by @softsiriusblack

Wolfstar Best Script For Gif Thread 2019:

Congratulations by @praecipiopatronum; Welcome aboard by @praecipiopatronum; Mirror Mirror by @mymischiefisnevermanaged; REMUS! REMUS, I HATE THIS THING! PLEASE GET RID OF IT! by @olivandersdaughter, A Great Idea by @the-ginger-magician and @remus-lupin-is-my-type (2018), Yeah, we're best friends, but... by @owlswithfins Based on this chat post by @incorrectmarauders;

Most Hilarious Thread/Gif 2019:

Jumpers and Jackets by @transaurus @slytherinsiriusblack @prettylestrange @askyourlocalhufflepuff @amortentiando; The true-truth by @scamandergenes @megathy-two; Remus Brings Home A Pet… by @olivandersdaughter @sirussly; Remus’ Schedule by @prettylestrange, F**k my life by @stressedbi and @metamorphmagically, Puppy Love by @lifeasamarauder

Best Makeup 2019:

Remus Lupin by @jenlizrose; Sirius Black by @muirin007; Remus Lupin by @asktheboywholived, Sirius Black by @mymischiefisnevermanaged, Post transformation Remi Lupin by @klassikally

Best Costume 2019:

Pirate!Remus Lupin by @praecipiopatronum, Sirius Black by @mymischiefisnevermanaged

* - if you know the tumblr accounts of these authors, please, tag them in the comments

** - if you are the author of the recommended work and you don’t agree with the title chosen for the list (or have an alternative one), please contact us with your suggestions. We’ll gladly make edits

Congratulations everyone one more time! May the inspiration be with you!

Please, note that few creators removed themselves from the list (anyone can use this possibility by the end of January, just message us). So if you’ve recommended someone and they are not listed here, then they have decided to withdraw themselves from the list (message us if you have any questions)

Love,

Dumbledorks

#wolfstar recs collection 2019 #full rec list 2019

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youknowmymethods · 6 years ago

Text

Content Creator Interview #11

Hello folks and happy Friday! We’re back, and this time @likingthistoomuch interviews @ohaine (aka, me) so I’m jumping straight into the interview because it’s awkward af to introduce yourself.

Trigger warnings: here be brief discussions of grief and mourning, and because it’s me, there’s also some bad language. Sorry.

OhAine: She arts, she fics, now you can add witty limericks to her repertoire for she is truly an accomplished young lady; because when the question of how to introduce me for this interview came up likingthistoomuch chose to write a poem.

It goes like this:

She is smart

She has sass

Thinks her writing isn’t good

Someone get her head outta her ass.

Charming. And as that isn’t massively helpful to anyone reading, I’ll flesh it out a bit for you. My name is Áine (yes, my pseud is that imaginative), I’m Irish, married to a tall, curly haired Brit (no, not *that* tall, curly haired Brit). I’m a professional doer of double entry (that means I’m an accountant not a p0rn star, get your dirty minds out of the gutter), an amateur writer who is obsessed with Sherlock and Sherlolly to a point that isn’t dignified. I’m the mod of this interview project, and also of the MaybeItsJustMyType Collection on AO3, a double SAMFA winner (yay me!) and I also won a Community Games gold medal when I was eight ( @hobbitsdoitbetter will know what that is, but she’s literally the only one of you who will) for a picture I drew in crayon of a cat jumping over a skipping rope (although if I’m honest I think everyone who entered the competition got a prize so I really don’t know if I should brag too much about it.) Currently I’m in the market for someone who’ll do a better job of my eulogy than I’ve done with this intro, so maybe it’s best if I stop talking now and we just move along with the questions… Ahem… Gee it’s back to you.

likingthistoomuch: I’m going to start with Kat (aka satin_doll, aka @ashockinglackofsatin) who’s submitted a few reader questions if you’re ready.

OhAine: Sure. Shoot.

satin_doll: The Fate of Glass is one of the most beautiful and touching stories I’ve ever read dealing with grief and the aftermath of the death of a character. It also illustrates perfectly Molly’s relationship with Sherlock from her side. We know you were dealing with your own loss when this was written. How much of your writing springs from your own real life emotional experiences?

OhAine: Well first, thank you dear heart. It’s a tricky question to answer because The Fate of Glass is unique for me. I wrote it and ‘Where the Lost Things Go’ in the same two week period, at a time when I was really struggling to accept what had happened to Kieren. Funnily enough, Gee (likingthistoomuch) and I were talking only a few weeks ago, and I told her this: for the only time I can ever remember doing, I put my words into Sherlock’s mouth. The bit where they’re sitting on the floor, smoking and talking about Mrs H, where Sherlock finally says what’s on his mind – that he’d failed her – was exactly what I felt at that moment about Kiki’s death. I drew on something deeply personal in a way I hadn’t done since ‘Take me and erase me’ and the death of Molly and Sherlock’s son. Initially that story was me working through my feelings and grief, but after the first draft I had to abandon that agenda and remember that this was about Sherlock and Molly now. The real life experience of survivor’s guilt, of losing someone you love was there, but oddly Molly’s rebuttal to Sherlock’s assertions about blame were very much me too, they came from my father’s loss, and that reconciling a terrible end with a life well lived and full of love. Of all my stories, it’s the closest to describing my actual experience in a given context.

I suppose in the first instance, what you write has be honest, authentic. That doesn’t mean that it has to come from your experience directly, but if you have the framework there for something that you want to say, then you use it. There are small bits of me in all of my stories, but I can’t rely on my own emotional experiences too heavily because then I’m limiting the characters. What I’ve found you can do is take the essence of an emotion, distil it down to its component parts and feelings, and then apply them to a different situation. Your job when writing a story is to tell someone else’s story, so you have to be able to extrapolate beyond your own experiences. But if you can ground that in something real, it somehow gives it a ring of truth that wouldn’t otherwise be there.

satin_doll: Amor Vincit Omnia is quite simply devastatingly beautiful, despite the pain that runs through it from beginning to end. You’re so adept at writing Molly’s steadfastness and loyalty despite Sherlock’s rough treatment of her over the years and it seems to be a recurrent theme in your stories. Can you talk a little about where this picture of Molly comes from, how she developed as a character in your head?

OhAine: We get so little of Molly on screen, and in a way that’s a blessing: we have so much room for interpretation, so many directions we can take her in, you know? But something Mofftiss have gone to pains to point out is that not only is Molly loyal to the bone, but that Sherlock trusts her loyalty in a way that he doesn’t trust anyone else’s.

You have to be careful how you allow her to give that loyalty, it can’t be done in a way that demeans her, or would make her bitter. In order for that not to happen you have to imagine why someone would give so much in the face of – what you termed – rough treatment. I’ve come to the conclusion that although she’s sometimes hurt by it, impatient with it, she views his actions not as intentional, but rather as him simply not knowing how to do things any differently. He’s ever so gentle with her in TEH, when no one else is around to see, and that episode informs so much of what I imagine their between-the-scenes life to be like: he shows respect for her, love, affection, he respects her mind, her opinions, he is eternally grateful for all that she has done for him, and grateful that despite everything he’s done she still allows him to call her friend.

Sherlock asks in TRF, ‘If I wasn’t everything you think I am, everything that I think I am, would you still want to help me?’ and Molly doesn’t hesitate, she’s straight in with ‘What do you need?’ She has zero doubts about the man that he is.

Earlier in that episode she says, ‘You’re a bit like my dad,’ going on to tell Sherlock about how her dad behaved when he was dying, and I think that’s a very under rated line. I think it shows that to Molly he’s more than – what other’s call him – the great detective, machine, freak. It shows she sees the man beneath. She sees that he is more than the sum of his parts. She’s telling him that she sees his humanity.

She doesn’t want to change him into someone he’s not. She sees deeper, she sees the bits of him that he guards, the parts of him that are just like you and me. Molly’s not blinded by his brilliance. To her he’s just a man, albeit one who has a very special gift.

Even when she says ‘Why do you always say such horrible things?’ she’s not treating him like a bold puppy and smacking him on the nose with a rolled up newspaper like the others do, she’s attempting to understand him, perhaps even asking him to try to understand himself.

He’s a very vulnerable man, and she treats him with care because of that. His actions weigh on her I think, they have a cost, but it’s one she chooses to accept and she doesn’t punish him for her choice.

It can be argued that Molly is the only one who loves him just for him. Lestrade wants his brain; Mycroft sees him as an asset; John is a junkie, Sherlock his dealer; Mary takes his help; Hudders once took help from him. But amongst those who take, there’s only one person who takes nothing. Molly.

I suppose the other large part of her development in my mind is the ethical code that she’s had instilled into her from an early stage of her education. Medical ethics, and the application of deontological and utilitarian principles in her everyday decision making, must have influenced the person she became by the time we meet her. There are four major principles at play for her: do good, avoid doing harm, be fair, and respect individual autonomy. And I think it’s those principles of fairness and respect that she applies to her relationship with Sherlock. I think she respects his mind, his abilities, even his education (because they have components of their formal education in common), but I think it’s fairness that she applies most liberally: he is unique, different, and he lacks certain skills when it comes to interacting with others, Molly takes his treatment of her in that context.

satin_doll: In Take Me and Erase Me, one of your earliest stories, you mention Lorca (the Spanish poet) and you’ve made numerous references to poetry since you started posting fics. What else besides poetry and fanfic do you read these days? What do you see as the biggest influences on your writing?

OhAine: Biggest influences. Honestly? Stephen (both of the King and Moffat varieties) have said that the best advice they could give aspiring writers was to read as much as you can of the kind of thing you want to write, and I’ve found that to be so true. The Sustain Stories are probably the single biggest influence on my interpretation of Sherlock and Molly. I remember saying it to someone once (I think it was actually you Kat) that I’ve been writing Sustain fanfiction rather than Sherlock fanfiction all these years. It was that big a deal for me.

As for what I’m reading now… I always have a few books on the go, currently open are Leonard Cohen’s Book of Longing (Jesus, the raw intensity of his imagery), Tom Robbins’ Even Cowgirls Get the Blues (the absurdity of it appeals to me) and James Joyce’s Dubliners (The Dead is my favourite short story ever, so I finally decided to read the rest of the book).

Thank you Kat for your lovely questions x

likingthistoomuch: Going all the way back to the beginning, what prompted you to start writing fanfic in the first place? Where did that first impulse come from?

OhAine: I’d never heard of fanfic until I became obsessed by Sherlock, but once I found it, it was like falling down a rabbit hole. I read. And I read and I read and I read. When I first found Sherlolly in mid-2014 there were about 3,000 stories in the tag on AO3 and I went about systematically reading them all in descending order from the largest hit. It took me about six months or so to get through them and then I hit a wall, there was nothing left to read. But by then I started seeing Sherlolly everywhere: in every song I heard, every poem I read… and at the time I was living away from home while doing a master’s degree, and I remember so clearly driving back to my little flat outside Galway one night after a late lecture and Lana del Rey’s Young and Beautiful came on the radio, and it was like, BANG!, this fully formed story of an insecure Sherlock hit me. It was so clear, so well defined and complete, and it wouldn’t leave me alone. The end result was Saving for a rainy day, and the other two stories in The Dance series.

Honourable mention too at this point to @sundance201 and her beautiful fic Hello My Old Heart. That story was the beginning of my love affair with music in fanfiction, I started my Sherlolly playlist with the song it references and I don’t know if I would have ever made the connection between music and writing without it. So blame Sundance201 :P

Likingthistoomuch: When you wrote your first fic how did that process go? Did you have someone review the work? Also, when did you share the fact that you had attempted fanfiction with someone around you?

OhAine: As above. No, it was a type and go thing. Literally. I have no idea what madness overtook me to actually post it on the internet where other real live people would see it. It was (still is) full of mistakes, and reads like an outline rather than an actual story, but I knew no better at the time. It was the first piece of fiction I’d ever written, and I had zero expectations that anyone would read it. I bawled like a baby when the first comment came in.

Anyway, it was a Sunday morning, and I was staying at Uni that weekend because I had exams the following week, hubby was coming that day to see me and make sure I hadn’t died under a pile of textbooks and fast-food containers. When he arrived I showed him the post on AO3, and he was so sweet. He still reads all of my fics, gives me feedback and suggestions. He’s even got an AO3 account now so that he can leave kudos. Bless him. He’s still the only one I share with.

Likingthistoomuch: You are amongst the few who seem to write comic themed, angsty, fluff as well as explicit with ease. At least that’s how it comes across. Which genre is the easiest for you and which one would you prefer to write as, say an outlet for real life pressures?

OhAine: I’m shocked that it comes across that way, because writing doesn’t come easily for me at all. I’m not a writer, I’m an auditor who writes when she has time. Every single word is like squeezing that last bit of toothpaste from the tube, and although I’m a very verbal person words are not my strong point. My vocabulary is technical and that’s fine when I’m writing reports and letters for work, but I don’t have an emotional vocabulary so I have to work really hard at finding the words to describe the feelings I want to write. And I’m not a fluffy person so writing anything sweet is like pulling teeth for me. None of it’s easy, but Molly and Sherlock are in my bones now so I keep doing it.

I suppose comedy and angst are slightly less of a struggle. But comedy is a tricky one, because you’re either in the right frame of mind to write it or you’re not. It can’t be forced, you can’t make something funny if it’s not.

I don’t have a favourite genre, and none of them come naturally, but if it’s a question of what’s an outlet, then I’d say all of them serve an equal purpose, although the most satisfying to get right is definitely angst, even if it’s a rare jewel. I think I’ve only ever managed to get it almost right twice, maybe three times: Amor Vincit Omnia, The Fate of Glass and possibly A Sunset Bird in Winter. I kind of hold those three up as times when I was happy with the finished product.

Likingthistoomuch: How do you plan out your work? Do you plan the end, the beginning and what’s in the middle before you start posting?

OhAine: Bold of you to assume I plan!!!!

The beauty of writing (mostly) one-shots is that you’re presenting a finished piece. I’ve written just one multi, Take me and erase me, and that was done completely on the fly. I was so traumatised by the whole thing that I’ve been put off for life.

When it comes to the one-shots, I usually have a pretty good idea what the beginning, middle and end are before I begin – even if the end result turns out to be something else entirely. I do a first draft, then revise, revise, revise until the flow feels good and I think I’m saying what it is I set out to say.

Likingthistoomuch: You work with a beta - do you share the entire plot of your fic and discuss before you start the writing process? How does that work?

OhAine: It works differently with different people. When Kiki and I worked together, every detail was shared and there were masses of emails over and back discussing plot and structure. A three thousand word doc could come back with fifteen hundred extra words of notes. She had an opinion about everything. It worked because we were each other’s beta, and we’d built up a rapport and trust. She was never afraid to offend me and I loved that about her. She was also very verbal, so feedback was always detailed, she’d be very clear about the whys of it. We were both new, both learning, so that extra communication was great to get. And I genuinely miss being a beta for her.

Kat on the other hand has a light touch approach, she gives me a far longer leash and lets me express myself – just myself and my ideas. If I have a specific concern I’ll share that with her, and she’ll give me advice and her opinion. What I tend to share with Kat is what I’m hoping to achieve, and she’ll let me know if, in her opinion, I’ve done what I set out to do. She trusts me more as a writer, if you know what I mean.

likingthistoomuch: I am heavily influenced by Bollywood songs and get one shot ideas by the ton. Kat mentioned your love of poetry, and I wondered has there been a poem that literally made you wanna rush home and write down stuff as soon as possible?

OhAine: Oh that was Where The Lost Things Go, by Anne Casey. She wrote an entire book of poetry about loss (in particular losing her mother) and it makes for a devastating read. When I heard her recite that poem:

“We sat upon a golden bow, my little bird and I, indivisibly apart, we dived into the sky. And to the purple-hearted dark, an ocean we did cry, for all the lost things gathered there, in rooms beyond the eye.”

I could see Sherlock and his little bird crying for the things they’ve lost, things hidden in secret places. I’d had the image for ages and ages of a little girl coming to Sherlock with a case, but the story that went with it never presented itself. Stories are like that sometimes, bits of them linger until the right structure comes to you. The fic came out in one draft, I did minor revisions later, but it was just this one thing all of its own from the start. And it was sort of the poem coming to me at a time when I was grieving too, and it fitted so well with this image I had of Watson in her big boots and pink hair. Everything coalesced into a coherent story. The end result was my own ‘Where the lost things go.’

Generally that isn’t how it works for me. I usually take away just an image or a phrase, sometimes just a feeling, and I try to structure something around it. But like you, I get a lot from music (Elbow’s music could be the official soundtrack of Sherlolly) and movies as well as poems

Likingthistoomuch: Let’s be honest here, you get tons of reviews. I know, I read most of them (turn down that stalker alarm!!!). Has your story ever been influenced by a comment given on the initial chapters of a multi fic? Not the plot per say, but maybe a small scene or interaction?

OhAine: No, I really don’t think so. But then there’s really only ever been one multi of any real significance, Take me and erase me, and the initial chapters of that got very few comments, or even hits for that matter (chapter one got 17 hits on its first day, but I stuck with it and it did okay in the end). What does happen with comments is they encourage me to keep going, to keep writing, especially when I feel like I’m just rubbish at this. I’ve been blessed with people who are generous and kind when it comes to egging me on and making me feel okay about what I’ve written. I tend to be very sure about where I want to go when I write something, and I think that if you allow things to intrude on the picture you have in your mind you run the risk of ending up with something that’s a bit all over the place. The reader you write for is you, and you either live or die by it.

Likingthistoomuch: In your fic “The Pinch Hitter” (I absolutely love the Simple Chemistry series) there is dialogue that has the potential to turn the fic any way you want:

“I don’t want you because I’m lonely, you little moron.” He shouts, full to breaking point with impotent frustration and clawing at his own hair. "I'm lonely because I want you!"

Funny and yet heart wrenchingly raw. Did you work specifically on introducing something like that, which can be a palate changer for a moment?

OhAine: Oh boy, tough question. Short answer is no, I wasn’t looking specifically for that line. The prompt for this fic came to me by way of a pinch hitter assignment in the 2017 Sherlolly Fic exchange, and I had about four days to come up with a story that fitted the brief. I work at a snail’s pace under normal circumstances, and I was under so much pressure to get something done. I’d pissed away three of the four days on a fic that I couldn’t make work (still can’t, *sigh*) and in desperation I turned to the next prompt on the list of four. In the end this one just came out, and I’m lucky it’s as okay as it is given the rush it was written in. That line: if I recall, it came out of some wanky meta that was doing the rounds at the time, the mirror theory, and I guess that line is my response to it. He wasn’t running to her because she was a surrogate, she, Molly, was the reason he ran to Molly.

On the other hand, that line is very much part of my overall head canon for Sherlock in the series. He’s the cause of his own isolation and I remember either Moffat or Gatiss saying that he was like a child pressed up against a sweet shop, window, longing. I see him very much that way. He doesn’t make friends because he’s lonely – the loneliness is part of the choices he’s made – but he acutely feels loneliness now because he finally understands friendship and love. Does that make sense??

I don’t seem to be able to do straight comedy, there’s always a little angst with my absurdity, a little absurdity with my angst. Some of that is to do with wanting to introduce contrast, some of it is because I think the show does that too and when I’m writing, to some extent, I’m trying to emulate that style.

Likingthistoomuch: On the topic of light works or ones with a comedic thread, you seem to have mastered the tough-as-nails art of writing genuinely funny work which is not slapstick by a mile. Is the writing process for that different than your other works?

OhAine: It is. Totally. I can’t decide to write something funny. It either is or it isn’t, and I don’t have much control over that. No amount of revisions will make something that’s not funny work as a comedy piece. I tried that once with The Truth Will Set You Free, and I think it was 20+ drafts before it started to get giggles from my beta. That was when I realised that trying to be funny wouldn’t work. Kiki said to me after that one was posted that she thought I was rubbish at comedy, which was strange given how often I made her laugh in my emails. It dawned on me then to just be myself, write in a more naturalistic tone and focus on being absurd instead of laugh out loud slapstick.

The next one I tried my hand at was The Adventure of the Berenstein Baby. I took a different approach and wrote it as though I was telling a friend about something hubs and I did, using the exact same style I’d use in conversations (like the side bar thing, my emails are famous for them, I go off on so many tangents) and the result was one draft with minor revisions to get the finished product. When that fic won the 2017 SAMFA for humour, I almost died of pride.

Likingthistoomuch: The Fate of Glass, that letter, that fabulous, fabulous, piece of work. How long did you take you write that?

OhAine: The first draft contained all the bones of the story, it was 1,700 words long and it came out in one afternoon. The letter was there right from the start, always at the end. The rest needed much more work, I think I added another 2,000 words during revisions. I have a memory of it being an easy one to write, but I had a week off work that January, and I know I spent at least another 40 hours picking at it during my leave. It had the story right off the bat, but none of the detail. My vocabulary isn’t what I’d like it to be, so when I feel I don’t have the words to tell a story I read. I had an anthology of Pablo Neruda’s poetry on the arm of my Queen Anne, and every night I’d read for an hour or so, and the next day I’d have the words I needed. Reading, for me, is sort of an ignition tool, it sort of opens that part of my brain that isn’t bogged down with technical language, it opens up my creative side. I sometimes forget just how many revisions even the easy stories take. I forget sometimes that I have to work hard at it, but I do.

Likingthistoomuch: When it comes to naming you work, how do you plan that out?

OhAine: More bold assumptions about planning!!!!

Sometimes a story has an obvious title, like The Science of Seduction (because it was about the application of mathematical theories to love and relationships, so it just seemed obvious). Others, like Better, or The last person you’d think of, they were obvious because the whole story is geared toward making the point that these phrases represent. When I find a name I want to use I do an AO3 search of the Sherlock/Molly tag just to be sure no one else is using it (or has used it for a very long time).

Names are something I struggle with, and at the beginning I went almost exclusively with lines from songs, but I’ve stopped doing that now because it felt, I don’t know, a little forced? These days I try to make a stronger connection between the story and the title without making it too wordy or over explaining what’s going on in the story. I often have a placeholder title while I’m working on it, but keep trying out new ones as I go to see how they fit.

Don’t ever underestimate the power of a good title: along with the summary they’re your elevator pitch to the reader. A brilliant story can be sunk by a bland title or bland summary.

Likingthistoomuch: How do you gauge the success of your work?

OhAine: Oh jeepers. I’m a numbers girl, so the stats page on my AO3 account is my enemy LOL. I’ve tried to find my own metrics, because it’s easy to fall into the trap of judging success on hits and kudos when there are so many things that can influence those little numbers. Like, Trial by Existence was a failure if you go by the stats, but I still feel in my gut that it’s a strong fic, and I learned so much about writing from it. Anyway. There’s a bunch of things I ask myself during the inevitable post-mortem: first and foremost, did I say what I wanted to say? Did I convey the message that I was attempting to put out there? But then I also consider was the quality up to standard, did I build on my learning from the last thing that I wrote? If it’s a gift work, did I please the person it was gifted to? In terms of grammar and punctuation, phrasing (none of which are my strong suit) have I improved? And though I never set out meaning to, I start to fret about the stats…

But I also think that if someone has said in the comments that they’d love to see more of this particular story, then you’ve succeeded in making something that someone else connected with. That’s always a really important metric for me.

Likingthistoomuch: Coming to the topic of Social Media, what effect does that have on your work? Have you ever faced rude reviews or comments or called out for offending people? Because we know, if you log in, someone somewhere is offended.

OhAine: And I specialise in offending people LOL it’s why I stay off social media for the most part.

Everyone gets the odd rude comment, I think. It’s the risk you sign on for when you put something out into a public space. I try hard not to take those personally.

It seems to me people are looking for a fight and they don’t care what it’s about. I’ve come to the conclusion that no matter how convinced I am of my position or opinion, if there’s even a hint of aggression I walk away because to engage with them is just giving them what they want. Don’t add fuel to the fire, you know? And it’s not my job to educate. It just isn’t. So I do what’s healthy for me, and I avoid the nonsense even when I know I’m right and they’re not. I don’t need to explain myself to strangers.

Having those things said, I wouldn’t trade away the positives of social media just to be rid of the negatives. I’ve found fantastic friends on sites like AO3 and tumblr, I get so much from our little community and the lovely people in it. I suppose the Sherlolly community is lucky: we’re small, able to self-regulate, and the people here are genuine and kind. I’ve learned so much, gotten so much joy from writing, so much from reading, the beautiful artwork that’s posted here, and my fellow shippers… I’m grateful for that, so that’s where I keep my focus.

Likingthistoomuch: As per the new guideline, the blue hellsite will not allow explicit work to be posted. Does that make you want to write more E rated stuff, in a virtual Up Yours to Staff?

OhAine: I gave up on writing E-rated fics two years ago, and I suppose I am kind of sad that I don’t anymore because I would dearly love to say to anyone who tries to censor others to go fuck themselves.

On the one hand, the ban doesn’t really affect me because I don’t create that kind of content anymore, so I could just be tempted to shrug my shoulders and move on. But. It affects others who do create that kind of content, and I’ll support them all the way, not only because they should be allowed freedom of expression, but also because the purge is part of a bigger problem: the suppression of freedoms, under the guise of protecting the innocent, and is driven by a puritanical streak that’s becoming pervasive in our culture, one that is more about control and suppression of free ideas than protection. Tumblr is lying to us, pure and simple. They could deal with the p0rn problem but they don’t, and therefore you have to assume this isn’t about p0rnbots: this is about commercial considerations, and the suppression of creativity that they can’t commercialise. It’s also very telling that the ban is overly focused on the female body (and I can’t help but feel that because a good percentage of content creators are women, that the purge conveniently silences women’s voices) and the ideal of womanhood held by a very narrow band of its user base.

Historically, censorship (and that is what this is) doesn’t lead us anywhere good. It’s a slippery slope, folks. We’ve got to be careful, or next thing you know we’ll be in red capes and white hats remembering the good old days when women were allowed to read.

likingthistoomuch: Last question: If you could change just one thing about BBC’s version of Sherlock, what would it be?

OhAine: Oh dear. Just one??? Okay, let me discount a few contenders first:

I would ask that there be more Molly. Lots more Molly. That the kiss had been real. That Sherlock be naked at all times. That the shirts were tighter and the curls longer. That Mary had lived. That Holmes got the Watson he deserved. That Moriarty had lived. That Eurus hadn’t. That Paul McGuigan had stuck around. Ditto Stephen Thompson. That they had kept production values at primetime and not Saturday tea-time CBBC levels. That the production staff hadn’t stirred the shit just because they liked the attention. That Mofftiss had had a beta, or at least someone who challenged their ideas…

But if I could choose just one thing, one thing that would be possible for them to do and not go off at a tangent, then I would have them stick to the cases. Tell the story they were telling at the start: The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes, as told by his Boswell. I’ll be forever sad that they chose not to do that.

Next week, Friday 10th of May, part two of this interview turns the tables and @ohaine interviews @likingthistoomuch.

#content creator interviews #Sherlock #sherlolly #likingthistoomuch #ohaine #tw: discussion of grief and mourning #tw: mild profanity

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p-and-p-admin · 6 years ago

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Interview taken from The Severus Snape and Hermione Granger Shipping Fan Group. (Admin approved)

https://www.facebook.com/groups/199718373383293/

Hello Loten and welcome to Behind the Quill, thank-you for letting us get to know you a little better.

Many of our members will know your works with Post Tenebras, Lux and Chasing the Sun being considered classics for the SS/HG pairing.

Thanks for the invitation, hello everyone.

What's the story behind your pen name?

There's a werewolf novel, Bareback by Kit Whitfield. In one scene a character is looking at the moon and mentions that in Old English poetry they would use the term loten to describe a night when the moon was bright enough to see by. I haven't been able to verify it since the author may well have invented it, but I love nights like that and I liked the word, and the rest is history.

Which Harry Potter character do you identify with the most?

I get asked this a lot, actually. There is no one character, I don't think - I identify to some extent with most of the characters that feature more frequently in my fics, or I wouldn't be able to write them (the exception is Lucius, as far as I can tell he's truly fictional and not derived from anything in me). I probably have more in common with Hermione than the others, at least my version of her, but it's hard to say for sure.

Do you have a favourite genre to read? (not in fic, just in general)

Fantasy all the way. My mother nagged me into reading The Hobbit when I was around seven or eight, and that was it. I do read other genres but a good 85 per cent of my reading material almost certainly has magic or dragons somewhere in it.

Do you have a favourite "classic" novel?

I have a few. I like all of Austen's works, my favourite is probably Sense & Sensibility. I've just finished re-reading Jane Eyre. I like Elizabeth Gaskell's novels as well.

At what age did you start writing?

My mother is one of those parents who hoards everything her offspring do, and among the boxes of paper is a short story I wrote and illustrated when I was maybe five, about a flying shoe (imaginatively titled The Magic Clog). And when I was six I had a poem published in an anthology of children's verse (I don't remember how that came about; I think my school was asked to get involved, had a competition and picked out a few that ended up in the book) - my contribution was a piece of free verse about a dripping tap. So it's something I've always done, though I started taking it more seriously as a teenager developing roleplay characters.

How did you get into writing fanfiction?

My best friend when I was around thirteen was into fanfiction, she wrote Stargate SG-1 and Buffy the Vampire Slayer fiction at the time. I don't know how she got into it herself but she introduced me to reading it, though it was a year or two before I found the courage to try writing any. My early stuff was... not very good, and I will never admit to being the author of any of it now!

What's the best theme you've ever come across in a fic? Is it a theme represented in your own works?

Oh, that's a hard one. I like seeing consequences being explored - often authors will give a character the backstory or motivation they need them to have for the sake of the plot, but if it's not one of the main characters they won't pay it any more attention after that. When it's done well, I do like stories exploring the realism of just how a character would be affected by what happens to them. It adds a new dimension to their personality, and the psychology behind it is interesting in its own right. We're a product of our experiences, and so are fictional people. I try to show it in my writing as well - why a character does something is as important as the thing itself.

What fandoms are you involved in other than Harry Potter?

I read fics from all sorts of fandoms, but Discworld was where I first started writing (badly). It's a pretty small fandom despite the legions of fans worldwide, so I got to know a few writers there and learned more about what I was doing. Took a break for a while due to personal reasons, and when I returned under this name I started off in the even smaller Tamora Pierce fandom, trying my wings before entering the madness of Harry Potter. These days the Potterverse is still my first love along with the other two, but others include the Wheel of Time, Good Omens and too many smaller ones to list. I don't write for them or anything so active, though.

If you could make one change to canon, what would it be? Do you have a favourite piece of fanon?

Snape surviving, and the HG/SS ship, naturally! Do you listen to music when you write or do you prefer quiet?

Music, or Youtube videos (I watch a lot of Let's Plays), or just having the TV on. I can't concentrate in complete silence, my mind wanders to other things. I also talk to myself if there's no other source of noise and I'm trying to break the habit.

What are your favourite fanfictions of all time?

This would have been far easier to answer a few years ago, but I read less and less fanfiction as time goes by and I don't read Potter fics at all any more. My personal headcanons have developed more and more over the years, and nobody's headcanon is the same as anyone else's, so I end up disagreeing with fics these days because it's not how I would have done it and it makes it difficult to enjoy them.

The best fic I ever read was also the one that introduced me to HG/SS, but at some point, along the way, it was deleted and the author removed their account, and I've never managed to remember the title or pen name to look for it elsewhere. I don't remember the plot either after so long, but the characterisation was absolutely superb and the ship just made so much sense that I never looked back.

Are you a plotter or a pantser? How does that affect your writing process?

A plotter, definitely. I always have a first draft mostly complete before I start uploading anything. Initially, it was just because I realised I was writing longer stories and didn't want to risk hitting writer's block or real-life delays and having to go on hiatus in the middle of uploading a story, but later I realised I preferred it. I don't have to worry about writing myself into a corner or contradicting myself, I can take the time to make sure things are coming across the way I want them to. And it means I never have to force myself to write 'the next chapter' to a deadline - if I don't want to work on whatever comes next, I can jump ahead and write something later in the plot that I do want to work on. I also find it a lot easier to plan a story around a timeline to get the overall pacing right.

What is your writing genre of choice?

I don't really know what you'd call it. Slice of life, I suppose? I like stories about characters rather than about plots.

Which of your stories are you most proud of? Why?

Most of them, in their own way. My Tamora Pierce series, even though they're nothing groundbreaking and even though I know I could write them far better now, because they were the first things I wrote that I felt truly pleased with and because the overwhelmingly positive responses gave me the confidence to keep going, to try for something completely original rather than a retelling, and to venture into a far bigger and much more terrifying fandom.

Post Tenebras Lux, because it's (almost) exactly the story I wanted to tell and (almost) exactly the way I wanted to tell it. Chasing the Sun because it's the best written of anything I've done and I can see how much I've improved over the years, although I prefer the content of PTL. And I'm incredibly proud of the thousands upon thousands of positive and constructive reviews both of them gathered along the way,

I never expected to attract much notice at all and it's been a tremendous help to me both as a confidence boost and helping me see more about how others view storylines and characters in ways that I'd miss. I think overall it's PTL I'm most proud of, with CTS a close second.

Did it unfold as you imagined it or did you find the unexpected cropped up as you wrote? What did you learn from writing it?

Talking about CTS and PTL both, they're more or less the way I imagined them. Sometimes I'd get a review showing me a perspective I'd never considered, and one or two of them ended up having quite a long-running impact. Sometimes I'd reach a point, particularly in CTS, and realise that what I had planned for that part of the story wasn't going to work and I'd end up writing something completely different.

During the writing of both of them I mostly learned about how my brain works and how to organise myself to write at my best - I think I've learned more after they were done; I re-read both of them every year or so and see things I could have done differently and things that work and things I no longer agree with.

How personal is the story to you, and do you think that made it harder or easier to write?

Back to PTL for this one, since most of CTS' plot isn't completely mine. I never planned it to be particularly personal to me; at the time I just wanted to write about my favourite character and give him a better ending than canon did, and enjoy myself telling the story. As I went along and started touching on different subjects it became more personal - I've experienced bullying and depression, amongst other things, though fortunately not on the same scale as the characters I write about. I think it made it both harder and easier; stirring up old memories wasn't particularly pleasant, but it meant less time researching and rewriting those particular parts because it felt more real, to begin with.

What books or authors have influenced you? How do you think that shows in your writing?

That's another hard one. Subconsciously I think almost everything you read influences you at least a little. I tend to divide books into three categories - ones I don't enjoy and don't finish (which is rare but does happen), ones that were good but ultimately forgettable, and ones that deserve to be re-read, and I've probably learned something from almost all of the latter kind.

If I had to name one author it would be Terry Pratchett. His writing spanned such a vast spectrum it blew my mind wide open from the first time I picked up one of his books (I think I was ten or so) and he's still the author I come back to time and time again and find something to enjoy and appreciate no matter what my mood is. He's known for humour but there's so much more in everything he wrote. As for how outside influences show in my writing, I really don't know but I can guarantee they're there.

Do people in your everyday life know you write fanfiction?

Not really. Some of my school friends did, but over the years I've lost touch with all of them. Of my family and current friends, the ones that would understand fanfiction don't share the fandoms I write for, and the others just wouldn't understand the concept. I'm not ashamed of it, I just don't know how to explain it to someone who has no overlap with this world. Some of my online friends know, but half of them I met via my fanfics in the first place, so I'm not sure that counts!

How true for you is the notion of "writing for yourself"?

Where fanfiction is concerned, there's no point doing anything else. If you're trying to make a career out of writing you do have to write for your audience at least to some extent, but one of the joys of something not for profit like fanfiction is that you can tell the stories you want to tell and don't need to impress anyone.

The whole reason PTL exists is that I couldn't find a fic that told the story I wanted to read, so I wrote it myself. CTS primarily exists so I could fix a lot of the parts of canon I had the greatest problems with. The fact that other people agree is amazing and I still get warm fuzzies from every review from someone sharing the same opinion, but that wasn't the point.

Starting out in small fandoms meant I had no expectations for reviews so I never felt the need to try and court them, and every piece of feedback was a pleasant surprise rather than a main motivation. It's also a lot easier and more enjoyable to write for yourself; my other fics are mostly small one-shots based on prompts from other people, and many of them were a real struggle to write.

How important is it for you to interact with your audience? How do you engage with them? Just at the point of publishing? Through social media?

I'd say it's pretty important. I try to answer every signed review where possible, and it's always surprised me when people tell me they weren't expecting it - it seems to be something most fic authors don't do. It never occurred to me not to at least thank someone for taking the time to leave a review, and for those who leave longer reviews with questions or observations or (constructive) criticism I like the chance to explain some of my reasons for a particular decision or to talk about something in the fic or the wider fandom or writing in general.

That said, I don't have much contact with readers outside review responses and FFN messages. I don't really use social media (hence the format of this interview). Nothing against it, but introversion and a lack of much free time (and, it must be said, a little laziness) mean it's not for me at this point in time. I do have a blog but it's not very active.

What would you most like your readers to take away with them when they've finished your stories?

Honestly? I'm happy if someone finishes and thinks 'that was a good read, I enjoyed it'. Anything else is icing on the cake. Sometimes I get lovely messages from people who've been going through rough times and they tell me something in my stories resonated with them and helped them feel a bit better, and that's an incredible feeling. Others tell me they've been inspired to work on their own writing or to read more about a subject I mentioned. Some just want to let me know they've checked out a song or book I referenced or quoted and they liked it. All those are great, but as long as someone likes the story and enjoys reading it, that's enough.

What is the best advice you've received about writing?

The most specifically useful was probably "when you're writing dialogue, read it out loud". Time after time I've done that and realised a piece of a conversation was very awkward and strange and been able to rewrite it. In a more general sense, the best thing I've seen was "don't force it". If you're not in the mood to write something, don't try to, because it'll be far lower quality than if you wait until you're excited to write it down.

What do you do when you hit writer's block?

That ties into the previous question. Usually, I leave that piece of writing alone and either work on something else or move away from writing entirely and give myself a break for a few days to clear my head. Sooner or later something will shake loose and I'll see my way past whatever the problem was. (This usually happens either in the shower or while driving, when I can't do anything about it, because the universe just hates people sometimes!)

Has anything in real life trickled down into your writing?

Oh, absolutely, though I can't give many specific examples. As I mentioned before, my experiences with bullying and depression definitely added an extra dimension to the way I write about those issues, but that's the only obvious thing. I haven't consciously included any specific incidents from my life anywhere in my writing, but I'm sure there are a lot of small things I haven't even noticed. And there are definitely some details that are me, such as certain characters' music tastes (or a preference for black forest gateau...)

Do you have any stories in the works? Can you give us a teaser?

I get asked this one a lot! Yes, I do plan on at least two more long Potter fics, if possible. I'm fairly sure at least one of them is going to happen. I have some concrete writing and a lot of notes. But it's difficult to avoid treading ground I've already covered in existing fics, I don't want to produce anything that feels too similar. I also wrote both PTL and CTS while I was unemployed and living with my parents, and now I'm living on my own and working, so I have much much less free time. No teaser, I'm afraid :)

Any words of encouragement to other writers?

The only way to get better at writing is to write, so write. Don't worry about not being good. That can come later. You can always rewrite anything. My early fics under other names range from thoroughly amateur to absolute trash that I've disowned, and there's plenty of original writing that will never, ever see the light of day.

If you write something down and hate it, leave it for a while and then go back and look at it and figure out why you hate it. Try not to be afraid. It takes real courage to let other people see your writing for the first time, and nothing hurts like your first negative review, but the world won't end. Criticism comes in three forms - misunderstandings that you can address; genuine criticisms that you can learn from; and, very rarely, flames or trolling that you can ignore. Most people will have a valid point, and most of them will genuinely be trying to help you.

And READ. Read everything you can get your hands on. Fics, books, blog posts, newspaper articles. If you don't like something, try and work out why. If you do like something, try and work out why. Exercise your imagination and the rest will follow.

Thank you so much for spending some time with us Loten, it was a genuine pleasure getting to spend some time getting to know you better.

#snape #severus snape #pro snape #snamione #hermione #hermione granger #sevmione #snanger #fanfic #fanfiction

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momokiiicos · 7 years ago

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Writing Process tag game

Tagged by @gold-from-straw ! Thank you ^_^

1. What are your favourite genres and/or styles to write in?

when i was a little kid i’ve always loved sci-fi/fantasy most. but seeing that i am currently exclusively writing in the wizarding world universe i cannot really say which genre i like best (let’s forget all the RPF i did in the past that was horrible i hate myself for writing in that)

my favourite genre to write in has to be gothic literature

but let’s talk about tropes !! my favourite is slow burn and hurt/comfort (yeah ik i like to torture my readers (jkjk) ). i suppose i also write decently in fluff but surprisingly, i don’t particularly like writing fluff

still developing my style ><

2. What was the last writing project you finished and felt successful with?

the last piece of writing i did which i felt successful with can hardly be called a “project”...? but almost every drabble i posted on this acc i feel satisfied with (#SlytherinValuesWrites)

the last writing project i finished should be quite successful (at least judging from the amount of kudos on AO3) but i hated it. it was the RPF i mentioned and i hated myself for writing it. i only finished it because i am not one to abandon a fic

3. If you have a WiP how do you feel it’s going? What stage are you in?

ummm the status/content of my WIPs are my biggest secret >< sorry no telling

(it is a kind of weird jinx thing for me. i’ve not shared what i am currently working on for maybe 10 years. you’ll know it when i publish it)

4. What are your favourite places to write?

it’s not really about the place for me. it’s more of the moment. if in that moment i feel like writing i’d write, but if i don’t feel like it, no matter what place i’m in i cannot write, so it’s really not about the place

5. Do you prefer to write with long hand or type? Or some other method?

type all the way !!

when i was 12 and did not have access to a computer or smartphone, i used to write in a notebook. but typing is much, much better for me. it feels right.

i also like typing everything up into a computer because it allows me to view the whole piece of writing as a big picture and i rely a lot on the vibe of the piece to decide on how to continue writing

6. Do you remember your first character? If so can we meet them?

ok so my first original novel idea was from when i was 12 or 13. i got inspired by a trip to disneyland on halloween. i think the main character is called Thalia or something...? anyways so thalia is a witch but all throughout childhood she is told to keep this secret hush hush so as to keep herself safe because everyone else is afraid of magic (because they think it’s satanic). but thalia is not attending a magic school so she doesn’t have to hide it anymore. one prominent thing i remember about the school is that the room numbers are always changing inconsistently so the students are always late to class because they can’t find the goddamn classroom. the form is magic is that they have to perform a sort of ritual (kinda like contacting the “spirits/gods” but not really)

so thalia is kind of like a sidekick but at the end she accidentally save everyone’s arses. but she’s NOT the “chosen one” bc i hate this shit. but the story is not about her being a sidekick, it actually revolves around thalia and her childhood friend (who is not magical)

so thalia and her friend ( i forgot her name) knew each other when they were kids and they are ~really~ good friends. for some reason i do not remember they have not seen each other for years, until now. i don’t remember if her friend knew of thalia’s magical ancestry or not. but then of course shit happens and someone evil is stirring up trouble. so thalia helps fight on the SIDELINE because she got dragged into the battlefield while all she wanna do is chill and be with her friend (whom she is in love with btw)

but then of course, her friend got dragged into shit too, because of thalia may i add. so thalia has to protect her friend, because she’s in love with her, and sort of because of this, they become girlfriends

at the end thalia accidentally became an important factor in defeating the ~evil~ and afterwards, of course the whole point of this story is SLOWBURN HURT/COMFORT GAAAAAY WITCHES

(disclaimer : i plotted all these way before i even read/watched jk rowls’ hp series. all these just because of a haunted house in disneyland on halloween )

7. Where do you get your inspiration?

literally everywhere. my brain is in a constant 24/7 chatter. i cannot get it to shut up.

8. Do you outline a story before writing it, or does it all live in your head until the first draft gets put down?

hmm depends.

as i’ve said above i rely a lot on gut feelings. if i feel like writing down the outline is a good thing to do (in a specific way that is too vague to explain) that will result in a good outcome of the fic, i’d do the outline. if i feel like it’s not the thing to do, i’d never do it because outlining would sometimes jinx everything

9. Where do you go/ What do you do when you’re feeling stuck?

i rarely get stuck but if i do, i’d do nothing about it. i’d just wait until the right feelings hits again so that i’d continue writing, or else i don’t think my writing would be successful

10. What got you started writing/doing Art? (Because I always love origin stories)

i’ve always known that i’d be some sort of artist, growing up. whether it is writing, illustration, graphic design i know that i’d be doing something creative. so i’ve always been into writing

despite being a writer being my dream for as long as i can remember, i only started writing and creating fiction when i was 13 (the thalia one). afterwards i (very unfortunately) got into RPF fanfiction. although that was a horrible mistake i’ve never stopped writing ever since !! i’m always regularly writing now :)

this tag is most enjoyable to answer !! my favourite one yet ^^

let’s see if i have any writer friends : @asafeplanet @the-cellar-spiral @restlessandordinary @rose-grangerweasleyisbae @aibidil @decanthrope

#tagged

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sportashame · 8 years ago

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Adventures in Lazytown (A Dads!AU Fic) - Chapter 4

Well I’m back on this, for better or worse. I’m thinking about changing the title, since I never really thought about it to begin with. If you have any suggestions chuck them my way. The same old content warnings for depictions of depression and disability, though less so in this chapter.

[Chapter 1] [Chapter 2] [Chapter 3]

Why am I like this? Don’t answer that.

Everything else came very naturally. I made an appointment with Steffi’s doctor and her physiotherapist to discuss the dancing and how she could best be supported in continuing it. We cleared the living room of everything breakable so she could have space to practice.

We had a short but ultimately unconstructive discussion about lying; that it’s all very well when I do it, but she really ought to try not to. But the knot of dread which accompanied any thought of Steffi taking on physical challenge was loosening, perhaps even unwinding. And with it we unwound. She started talking in a way I’d never known her to talk before; having recently been privy to her thought processes largely through her Lazytown stories. She started, for want of a better term, to prattle. Her voice filled my ears, filled any room we shared with stories about dance training, how when she’d started she could barely bend her knees, and how her arms were weak and inflexible. Each story was accompanied by wild gesticulation and many examples of the moves described while I collected breakable objects in my arms and ducked flying crutches. And when she wasn’t talking about dancing she was talking about you.

You had arrived after summer last year, to replace a retiring P.E. teacher. When Principal Meanswell introduced you to the school, you did a backflip right then and there in the school hall, followed by some one-handed press-ups. Steffi was among those who struggled to pronounce your name; when I asked her to she turned pink and stared at the floor, finally muttering a word that sounded like ‘Ibuprofen’ and refusing to try it again. So Sportacus you became, and it had stuck to you like glue ever since. You were from Iceland. Your favourite food was apples. Your favourite colour was blue.

“Enough, Steffi. I need to concentrate.”

She was stood in the door of my study, leaning against the doorframe. She’d been telling me for perhaps the fifth time how you’d seen her watching your dance aerobics class in the gym on her late days and invited her to join in. How when she told you she wanted to be a dancer, you’d smiled so wide she thought you looked like the Cheshire Cat.

But now she’d fallen silent. That old silence.

“Why don’t you go and draw something?” I tried to modify. She nodded, closed the door and scuttled off. I went back to my laptop. A stern e-mail about my research grant had scared me back to the book I started 6 years ago and for the last week I’d been ploughing through years of neglected research notes, trying to make sense of the working processes of a man I barely recognised. My brain - much like the rest of me - had become a soft, under-exercised ball of pastry.

And of course, I couldn’t stop thinking about you. This is what I mean. Why am I like this? In some ways it takes a great deal of effort to really double down on those nasty intrusive thoughts, and as flabby and useless as my torpor had left my academic mind, my brain’s centre for manufacturing problems probably had muscles bigger than yours. Because in the six days since we’d met, I’d managed to convince myself that you were an arrogant, swaggering, blowhard jock who I didn’t like at all.

It didn’t happen immediately. I listened hungrily at first to the details about you that Steffi had memorised. I would listen to her talk, and flex my fingers as a phantom crackle of electricity buzzed through them at the memory of your handshake. I sat up in my chair at night, unable to sleep and I thought about you. I ran through and through our short conversation, bringing to mind your voice, your inflection, your blue eyes. I dissected the lifting feeling in my chest until my body felt like an abstract entity of aches and rushes. I thought about your hands, and your lips and the shape of your shoulders until quite suddenly a shame descended over me so profound that I thought I was going to vomit. I paced around the ground floor at night. Who did you think you were? Steffi was enamoured of you, but I wasn’t a little girl, I could see through your charm. Just another musclebound meathead who think he knows what’s best for everyone. Who thinks he knows what’s best for my family. Giving dancing lessons in secret. Not even a phonecall to the parent. Such presumption. Such arrogance.

It was a couple of hours later, when my eyes were crossing from trying to concentrate on this incomprehensible draft and I decided to give this up for now and go and make dinner, that I found Steffi had left me a gift. It was lying outside my study; the newest issue of ‘Adventures in Lazytown’. The first issue I had received since finding out that Sportacus was not entirely a figment of my daughter’s imagination. Suddenly the whole thing felt a little less wholesome. Why had she begun writing about him? Why did she specifically think that I needed to read about him? I brought the pages inside and started reading. Her drawing was getting so good. The simple earnest sweetness of Lazytown filled me as before and my suspicion melted. These were just stories, no matter what they were inspired by, this Sportacus might as well have been a figment of Steffi’s imagination for all he could possible have in common with the man I met six days ago. People like Sportacus don’t exist, and that jumping Icelander was no elf, he had a real name (albeit one no human tongue could pronounce) and a house and probably a wife. He was no more a genuine part of our lives than any other cartoon character Steffi watched on a Saturday morning. I had just about rationalised the whole thing away when I turned the last page.

My whole face suddenly superheated. A full-page illustration accompanied the conclusion of the story. Sportacus grinning a broad grin while I (well, not me, my avatar I suppose) was cradled in his arms in an unmistakable bridal lift. The kids from the story were all around, laughing and smiling and waving their arms, and Steffi’s alter-ego, standing unsupported, looked nothing short of delighted.

I put the pages down, my heart beating double time. Was this… her plan? No. it was an insane idea. Depressive people often get the idea that there’s a conspiracy going on around them, I just hadn’t been getting out enough lately. My insomnia and fixation had been allowing spiders and dustballs to creep back into my brain…

… But there it was! In full colour; blue and purple. Was Steffi window-shopping for a new parent? Had she been presenting these stories to me as a sort of advertisement for her preferred brand of stepfather, like children leaving magazine cuttings around of toys they want for Christmas? Was this why she was always talking to me about you? Telling me what you liked and disliked. It wasn’t so crazy. While I’d not had a relationship since her mother, I had allowed myself to be talked into being set up a couple of times, usually by my feckless brother with one of his skeezy friends. All male. We’d never discussed this sort of thing but she was a smart kid. Maybe I should have; they say you’ve got to be honest with children, present the world to them as it is and allow them to make up their own minds about it. To be honest, conversations about Papa’s jumbled up excuse for a sexuality didn’t figure high in my priorities. It was partly procrastination and partly a worry that she wouldn’t understand. I mean, I didn’t really understand, so asking her to would be unreasonable. And I didn’t want her to feel like my relationship with her mother had been anything less than the profound, perfect thing that it was. I was going to love and miss Ella for the rest of my life. I was probably never going to love another woman.

What’s that line from that play about the English teacher? “I’m a one-woman man and I’ve had mine, thank god.”

I felt suddenly sorry for her. If this was what she was pinning her hopes on, she was certain to be disappointed. Obviously as a child she couldn’t be expected to understand how these things worked. That handsome, young P.E. teachers generally have their own lives. That even if they didn’t, it was highly unlikely that reclusive, doughy academics would be their type. That even if they were, he certainly wasn’t my type. What would we talk about? Football? Protein powder? Poor kid, I thought, looking back at the drawing. The three of us were in the centre of the page, looking like a happy family. Poor kid.

I felt a pressure on my back, a jolt in my stomach and for a moment I could visualise it perfectly. Your arms firm beneath me, your body warm against mine, your face inches away, my hand on the nape of your neck. I stuffed the picture in a drawer. This was madness. I was in such a state of guilty nervous tension for the rest of the evening that I burned the chicken nuggets. Steffi turned her nose up at them and helped herself to carrots from the fridge. There you were again. Breaking into my house. Into my life. Tomorrow I would have to talk to you when I picked Steffi up from dance practice. Maybe then I could lay out some ground rules. Put you in your place, and show Steffi that whatever ideas she had about her teacher and me, they couldn’t be further from the mark.

I wished you’d never come here. I wished you’d just go away forever.

#Lazytown #Fanfic #AU #Dads!AU #Sportacus #Robbie Rotten #Stephanie #Shameblogging

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