#these are the worst brainworms i’ve had in YEARS

[pasta-yy]

magma nrmt……they’re everything to me

[ncfan-1]

So, I have KOTOR brainworms again. It seems this happens every couples of years, and every time it does, my head canon becomes more refined, changes, or a combination of both. Something that I’m now kinda obsessed with is the head canon forming in my head of Revan giving the Exile control of the Mass Shadow Generator for the battle of Malachor V constituting the first major breach in Revan’s relationship with Malak.

I’ve never really imagined Revan and the Exile being particularly close, even in the early days of their involvement of the Mandalorian Wars, before everything really went to shit. They were in certain respects very similar, which sometimes led to them flinching away because they saw what they considered the worst aspects of themselves mirrored in the other and Did Not Like It. And in other ways, very different, which was in turn jarring to them, irritating because the other did not respond the way they expected. They were like oil and water; the running joke among the first cohort of Revanchist Jedi was that the two of them could get on each other’s nerves from opposite ends of a star system. Not to say that it was always bad. They came together on matters of tactics and strategy, and always, always trusted the other to be as committed as they were towards their ultimate goal. But on a personal level, in the beginning they were like oil and water, periodically friendly but largely on each other’s nerves, and as things wore on and things deteriorated, largely at each other’s throats.

The one constant commonality between Revan and the Exile was Malak. Revan and Malak had been friends ever since they first met as children freshly brought into the Jedi Order, and the Exile and Malak had been friends ever since the latter brought the Exile into the fold of the Revanchists. Revan and Malak are ride-or-die for each other, of course, and the Exile does not do casual friendships; the few friends she has, she forms extremely intense relationships with, and Malak is no exception. (The Exile’s unusual power regarding Force bonds definitely plays a part here, but a lot of it does also boil down to the fact that she is a very intense person.)

He’s always been in the middle between them, ever since the three of them came into each other’s orbits. Friends with both of them, often stuck playing peacekeeper between them when they got into actual arguments instead of mild bickering, and sometimes stuck physically pulling them apart as things wore on and those arguments started to get a bit… violent.

And always in their shadow.

Malak has always felt just a bit inadequate compared to them. Always second best to the twin forces of nature that are Revan and the Exile. Early on, he was largely able to swallow it down. None of them were really struggling with either the Dark Side or PTSD early on, and a combination of Jedi training in managing negative emotions and his friendship with both of them meant that he largely dismissed these feelings of inadequacy, and focused on the task at hand: beating the Mandalorians back and restoring the Republic to safety.

But the war dragged on, and things started deteriorating, and things… changed.

The general hierarchy when it comes to capable people in the forces arrayed against the Mandalorians are: Revan > the Exile >>>>>>>> everybody else. Malak’s right around the top of that ‘everybody else’ category, and it does mark him out as more capable than most everyone else, but he can’t see that. All he can see is that he’s stuck in their shadows, that they are more capable than him, as military officers and as Jedi, that they are more respected than him, more renowned. He takes some consolation in the fact that Revan trusts him on a personal level, in a way she does not trust the Exile anymore. At least Revan takes him seriously.

But then… But then, Revan hands the Exile the Mass Shadow Generator for the battle of Malachor V.

Revan and Malak have not discovered the Sith threat lurking outside of Republic space, not yet. But Revan already has conceived of the idea that the Republic must grow stronger in order to be safe from future threats, and she very much regards herselfas the person to make it grow stronger. But she, not without reason, regards the Exile as a potential threat to these plans. The Exile is the only Revanchist Jedi unafraid of vocally arguing with her. As the Revanchists formed as the result of a schism within the Jedi Order, there is now emerging a schism within the Revanchists, and this splinter faction would not just take the Exile as a focal point, but would see her emerge as an active leader if it is allowed to fully blossom. Many of the Revanchist Jedi went to war following the Exile’s example, and those who are for whatever reason dissatisfied with Revan’s methods look to her.

So as per what’s strongly implied in KOTOR II, Revan takes Malachor V as an opportunity to clean house, using the Mass Shadow Generator as her implement. Those Jedi who could potentially break away from the Revanchists will be placed in space above the planet, either within the radius of the Mass Shadow Generator where they will surely be killed, or close enough to it that its sheer destructive power, the echoes in the Force of so many deaths, will serve to break them to her will. As for the Exile, either is fine, but Revan would rather ‘dead’ be the outcome. ‘Dead’ is much neater.

Malak knows about all of this, of course. Revan trusts him above all others, and he is accordingly the only person who knows what she intends by giving control of the Mass Shadow Generator to the Exile. Just a few months ago, he would have been relieved by this gesture, though regretful, even horrified, thanks to his friendship with the Exile. He would have been relieved that Revan trusted him with such a dangerous secret. But… but things have changed. Like nearly all of the Revanchist Jedi, Malak has grown so numb to death that he can’t muster horror at the idea of so many Jedi being set up to be killed or broken like this, even though one of them is a close friend. He can’t see the gesture of trust for what it is.

You take her seriously as a threat to your plans. You take her seriously as a rival.

You take her seriously. You don’t take me seriously.

No confrontation at this time. But he never forgets it.

[mrpenguinpants]

Genshin: University AU [V1]

I love modern au. Or any “everything is fine, no one died, it’s just a fever dream” au. Half of me is thinking, damn maybe I should answer this serious- LOL HAHA no. That’s not happening. Time to crack my knuckles and let my brainworms take over again.

Once again, this is 90% crack 10% content. I want to switch up my characters from the last brainworm post but I included Kaeya and Diluc.

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Today’s appreciation post goes to twistedwishes. Hey! I’ve been seeing you pop up a lot lately and thanks for the support 💕💕 I hope things are going better for you and you’re doing alright^^ I feel kinda bad for making appreciation posts on crack fics but hopefully this is somewhat funny haha. 

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Genshin: Holding Hands [V1]

Genshin: When you’re cold [V1]

Genshin: Roommate [V1]

Genshin: Royalty AU [V1]

[Masterlist]

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[taglist]  <- if you want to be added, please read this first.

�� @mikeysbike @hanniejji@unionwitch @musekala @twistedsunnshiii @stanzastic @akaasea @xoneaboveallx @adoring-ghost @asheseiler @childelover @dilucsz @dai-tsukki-desu @thicmitten @youaskedfurret @diaxfeliz @wintergreen-aix @dandelily @thegayrubberducky @lovelykittycatmeow @yuunoagivesmelife  @dokidokisama @simpygrimoire @minakohasmanyhusbandos @strwbrry-lia @tigerpriestess @yuu-yuukurotsuki​

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Diluc

Absolute pretty boy who has braincells, but only if Kaeya is not there. In his mind, Kaeya’s presence makes his room loose 40% of their common sense. He can’t prove it just yet but he’s working on it. He majors in accounting but also has a minor in marketing, logistics’ management, fia- he majors everything business related. He’s going to become the next Elon Musk through smarts or by getting the competition drunk. There can be no contest if he’s the only candidate. He’s actually a hard working guy that overworks and stresses way too much. You have daily “Diluc recharge” evenings where he just hangs onto you while you go through your day.

“Don’t fucking talk to me until I’ve had my coffee,” except there is no coffee - he drinks grape juice out of juice boxes and his only energy boost is when he meets up with you - and that’s his constant mood. So he usually only hangs around you and Jean, since she has childhood friend status and is actually an angel. By default, Lisa is added and Diluc doesn’t mind her but if he see’s Kaeya, it’s full on war paint mode. If he's not busy with work or studies, he's usually with you either in your dorm or his apartment.

He has a fanclub and he seriously hates it and tries to do everything in his power to get Ningguang to take it down. Shouldn’t this be against his rights? But she refuses for whatever reason and makes a whole speech about free will. No matter what he does, someone manages to take a picture and it get’s printed in the university’s newspaper. The only bonding time he has with Kaeya is every Monday, where they collect and burn all the universities newspapers before anyone can get their hands on it. You always bring marshmallows to make smores during their arson activities.

“When I graduate I’m going to burn this school down to the ground. That’s not a threat it’s a promise.”

Ningguang

Is secretly the leader of the Diluc fanclub - not that she likes Diluc, she’s in a questionable platonic poly marriage with you and Beidou - but it was the easiest way to gain funds for the student council. Which she is the president of, so rip Diluc the fanclub stays. Ruthless business woman I tell you. But she can run in heels so her danger factor rises by at least 20%.

Majors in social sciences and law but more specifically the political science & government. She saw the Imperial State Crown that the Queen of England wears and says yes, that’s mine now. If she’s not with Beidou and you planning on “how to infiltrate the state government just for lols”, then she’s with Keqing, Ganyu, and Zhongli discussing student council things. Should they or should they not tell the student body that they can see everyone’s search results? Sit back and relax as the school goes into chaos. 

She’s probably the scariest person on campus No, she is the scariest person on campus. She’s the scariest person on campus. But secretly she’s popping 20 aspirins just to make it through a night. She has the digestive system of steel. She still holds the title of "seriously do not try and beat her in a drinking game it's never going to happen" and that's her proudest achievement in life but sadly she can’t put it on her resume. Kaeya is still trying to beat her out of spite but so far it hasn't been working. You’re seriously concerned for her when she get’s challenged but Beidou gives you a way-to-hard slap on the back and cheers her on. If Ninngguang somehow get’s alcohol poisonings she’ll somehow find away to make a profit out of it.

"I'll let him die, I'll get the insurance money."

Kaeya

One day he chugged too much mouth wash, passed out, and somehow woke up in university majoring in law. His idea is that if he is apart of the law, he can therefore stand above it. To be fair, his only goal in life is to say “I am the manager” and he can go live the rest of his life in bliss or as a hermit. He’s secret best friends with you but wouldn't be caught dead beside you. He will stab a bitch if you ever get hurt but will still trip you on the way home. Seriously, you have no idea why people find him attractive. Your guess is it’s the eye patch or the clap of his ass cheeks that keeps alerting everyone.  

He’s apart of the newspaper club and if anyone asks: No, he has no idea who keeps taking all the newspapers and burns them in the back of the campus. Originally, he joined because he was nosy and needed to join some type of club for his resume. He sometimes feels bad for his junior assistant Amber because he keeps tricking her and says that Diluc is secretly a demon that is trying to steal all the jobs and is apart of the lizard government hell bent on eradicating the human race. He even brought out a whiteboard for this joke, he’s dedicated to his job ok? 

The type of guy to try and be humble and say his work is “okay” but will choke a bitch if anyone agrees. He tends to leave everything last minute and says that it’s his drug since actual drugs could land you one year in prison and a maximum penalty of $2,000. You have to awkwardly hold in your concerned mother head shake when you see him speed running his assignment literally right when the professor is walking around to check if students finished. 

“I was taught how to lead not to read.”

Mona

Broke wallet #2. Zhongli is broke wallet #1 but Childe simps for him so is he really a broke wallet at this point? In this essay, I Mona Megistus, will explain why I have the rights to the title “Broke Wallet #1″...

Believes that astrology should be an actual career path but refuses to take astronomy as her major. I can read the stars not a textbook that tells me how to calculate the mass of the sun divided by the fucks I give. Instead she went into Philosophy and cries to Albedo, who is an actual prodigy genius- sir lend some braincells to everyone else please?, that her professor keep turning her paper down because “star reading” is not an academic source.

Fischl wants her to join the occult club because, surprisingly, Mona is very good at telling people’s fates through her crayon sketch ouija board. She thinks first year Fischl is cute but is put off by the cosplay roleplay that she has going on. She would join except that stupid hat wearing gremlin in her lit class would make fun of her if he found out.

You gave her half your lunch one day and bought her a doughnut "because she seemed upset" and "out of the goodness of your heart" whatever the hell that means. She thinks you pensioned it but once that thought comes she takes a bite. Poison from a doughnut is not the worst way to go out, classes are hard enough. She’s waiting for the lord to strike her down anyways. 

“Its not about passing, its about doing better than everyone else.”

Venti

Slept through most of highschool and people question how he got into university. He’s a music major (wow how fucking original is that), and if anyone asks him to serenade someone or just do anything, he’ll do it for the right price. Or if you buy him alcohol because he still keeps getting ID checked. He’s banking on Kaeya actually becoming a lawyer or being on good terms with Diluc so he can finally stop being arrested for looking like a toddler.

Takes one step into classes and quickly nopes out and goes back to bed. Professors have no idea how he hasn't dropped out or failed. He just has some god given talent. He does whine at you to pretty pretty please with a cherry on top tutor him because you're such an angel and would never leave your poor but awesome best friend hanging right? He needs to get this essay down but how he is suppose to explain how the number 10 is symbolic and connects to the universe or the meaning of life. Do you think he can just say it’s apart of his culture and make up some random myth to pretend it looks like he knows what he’s doing? 

He’s honestly going with the flow and put his brain on the back burner all of highschool and only now realizes wait, I actually have to use my brain?

He’s been banned from most club chats since Venti has the no chill card. Someone says “lol I look ugly today.” and he’ll respond "yup, you look like a cow." and he get’s banned. Zhongli keeps a speed run timer on his phone just to document these occasions.

"Sad spelled backwards is das and das how it be sometimes."

Childe

An actual dumbass that somehow does well. He eats sandwiches with the crust off, this heathen. Surprisingly he’s studying to become a physical therapist but most of his experience has come from breaking his own bones. You’re scared how he's going to be if he actually becomes a therapist. If he'll make bets with his patients or try to one up whatever crazy injury they get into. Everything is a challenge to him that sometimes the best way to deal with Childe is to knock him out. 

This man really knows the way to a Zhongli’s woman's heart. Through micro transactions. Mona saw him accidently drop $20 and just shrugged and walked off. She has never been both spiritually and physically offended in her life. She did take the $20 though. As much as you hate leeching on Chile when he’s basically a walking wallet that probably uses bills as tissue paper, you can’t help but give him puppy eyes while planning on how to get into his will. If he even plans on having one, he might honestly write “whoever wins in a gladiator style duel in my funeral’s tournament, they will get my fortune.”. 

Any sport the university offers Childe is probably in it. Which is how he met Zhongli, challenged him to a fight, proceeded to have his ass handed to him, got a backhanded compliment, and screamed to you he was in love and how he found his soulmate. He's secretly very sappy and has cried and watched every Disney and Pixar movie at least 28 times.

"IM NOT TOO SPICY! I’M A TINY BIT ABOVE MILD IF ANYTHING!”

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God if it isn’t Scaramouche, it’s Childe that ruins the aesthetic. This is why I hate you. Why do you people enable me like this, it isn’t even good. This is pretty much a @ yourself moment and I vibe hard with Venti. This entire post was just to make a joke about the clap of Kaeya’s ass cheeks alerting the guards.

This week might slow down since I have classes and assignments. My reply’s are gonna be late too, sorry;; (oh and thank you to everyone that was so supportive and nice when I mentioned it. All of you. Beautiful 💕💕 )

[davidmann95]

Sooo… Superman and the Authority?

magnus-king123 asked: Your thoughts on Superman & the authority Give it to me...lol

Anonymous asked: Seeing Bezos take his little trip into space the same day Morrison puts out a Superman comic that touches on how far we’ve fallen from the days when we dreamed of utopian futures where everyone explored the stars was a big gut punch. Not used to Superman being topical in that way.

Anonymous asked: What'd you think of Superman and the Authority#1?

This is far beyond what I can fit in the normal weekly reviews, so taking this as my notes on the first six pages, with this and this as my major lead-in thoughts:

* Janin's such a perfect fit for Morrison - the scale, the power, the facial expressions selling the character work, the screwing around with the panel formatting as necessary to sell the effect, the numinous sense of things going on larger than you can fully perceive amidst the beauty and chaos. It's a shame he wasn't around 25 years ago to draw JLA, but I'll take him going with Morrison onto other future projects.

* His intro action sequence is such a great demonstration of why Black actually does have something to offer, and also how he's such a dumbass desperately needing Superman to save him from himself.

* While Jordie Bellaire didn't legit go with an entirely monochromatic palate the way early previews suggested, it's still an effect frequently and excellently deployed here. And glad to see Steve Wands carry into this from Blackstars since there's such an obvious carryover from its work with Superman.

* "Gentlemen. Ladies. Others." Great both because of the obvious - hey, Superman's nodding at me! - and because it's a phrasing that reinforces that this take on him (and let's be real Morrison) is old as hell.

* I'm mostly past caring about whether this is an alt-Earth Superman until it becomes indisputable one way or another, this and Action both rule so what does it really matter? But while there are still a couple signs in play suggesting some kind of division (the Action Comics #1036 cover, Midnighter up to time-travel shenanigans) the "lost in time" quote clearly thrown in after the fact to explain how he could have met Kennedy outside of 5G that wouldn't be necessary for an Elseworlds, the assorted gestures towards Superman's current status quo, the Kingdom Come symbol appearing in Action, and that Morrison would have had to completely rewrite the ending if this wasn't supposed to be 'the' version of Clark Kent going forward as was the intent when they first planned it all say to me that no, no fooling around, this is our guy going forward one way or another.

* Janin and Bellaire making the first version of the crystal Fortress ever that actually looks as cool as you want it to.

Anonymous asked: I like that Superman and The Authority is basically the anti-All-Star; instead of the laid back, immortal Superman who is supercharged, we have a stressed, ageing Superman whose tremendous powers are fading. The former will always be there to save us, but the latter is running out of time and needs to pull off a Hail Mary. Also, he mentions in his monologue to Black that he was "lost in time" when he met JFK, so maybe he is the main continuity Clark. Or he's the t-shirt Supes from Sideways.

* You're absolutely right - the power reversal is obvious and the ticking clock in play seemingly isn't for his own survival but everyone around him as he wakes up and realizes all the old icons grew complacent with the gains they'd made and he's not leaving behind the world he meant to. Both, however, are built on the idea of preparing the world to not need them anymore - it'll still have a Superman in his son, but that'll only work because of the others he empowers and inspires. The question is what happens to Clark if he's not going to live in the sun for 83000 years.

* Clark's 'exercise' here does more to sell me on the idea of Old Man Superman as a cool idea than however many decades of Earth 2 stuff.

* Intergang being noted alongside Darkseid and Doomsday speaks to how much Kirby informed Morrison's conception of Superman.

* This isn't exactly the most progressive in its disability politics but at least it makes clear Black's being a piece of shit about it.

* It's startling how much Clark can get away with saying stuff in here you'd never expect to come out of Superman's mouth. "I made an executive decision" "Privacy, really...?" "You have nowhere to go, Black. Nothing to live for." "There are few people in my life who I instinctively and viscerally dislike, and you've always been one of them." It only works because there's zero aggression behind it, he's just past the point of niceties and being totally frank while making clear none of these assessments preclude that he cares and is going to unconditionally do the right thing every time. He is absolutely, per Morrison, humanity's dad picking us up when we're too drunk to drive ourselves home.

* The story doesn't put a big flashing light over it, but it's not even a little bit subtle having the material threat of the issue be a ticking timebomb left by the carelessness and hubris of generations past.

* Manchester keeps trying to poke the bear and prove his hot takes about Superman and it's just not working. The front he put up under Kelley is gone after decades of defeats, and as Morrison understands what actually conceptually works about him as a rival to Superman underneath the aging nerd paranoia he's exposed as what he absolutely would be in 2021: a dude with a horrific terminal case of Twitter brainworms. I was PANICKED when I heard there was an 'offensive term' joke in this, I was braced for Morrison at their well-meaning worst, but it's such a goddamn perfect encapsulation of a very specific breed of Twitter leftist who uses their politics first and foremost as a cudgel and justification to label their abrasive, judgmental shittiness as self-righteousness (plus it's a killer payoff to a joke from way back in his original appearance). Cannot believe they pulled that off when they're so very, very open about basically not knowing how the internet works.

* @charlottefinn: Manchester Black using his telekinetic powers to force someone he hates to fave a problematic tweet so that he can screenshot it and start a dogpile

@intergalactic-zoo: “Once they cancel Bibbo, Superman won’t be *anyone’s* fav’rit anymore!”

* Friend noted this issue had to be fully the conversation because the whole premise stands on the house of cards of these two somehow working together, and with three 'silent' inset panels the creative team pulls off that turning point.

* So much of this feels on the surface like Morrison bringing back the All-Star vibes with Clark, but when he drops a "That's all you got?" in a brawl you realize what's underlining that bluntness and confidence in the face of failure is that deep down this is still the Action guy too. This dude ain't gonna get wrecked in his Fortress while the other guy chuckles about him being A SOFT WEE SCIENTIST'S SON!

* Bringing up Jor-El made me realize that Morrison already spelled out that this is the final threat to Superman, what he faces at the end of the road:

"Now it's your turn, Superman."

* A l'il Superman 2000/All-Star reference with the Phantom Zone map!

* There's so much intertextuality going on here even by Morrison standards - Change or Die with the old hero putting together a team of morally nebulous folks out to 'fix' everything, Flex Mentallo with the muscleman trying to redeem the punk, Doomsday Clock with the fate of the world hinging on whether Superman can get through to a meta stand-in for an idea of 'modern' comics cynicism, DKR and New Frontier and Kingdom Come and Multiversity and Seven Soldiers and What's So Funny and All-Star and Action and the last 5 years of monthly Superman comics and Authority and probably Jupiter's Legacy and Tom Strong - but none of that's needed. You could go in with the baseline pop cultural understanding of the character and not care about any of the inside baseball shit and get that this is a story about a leader of a generation that let down the people they made all their grand promises to as inertia and day-to-day demands and complacency let him be satisfied with the accomplishments they'd made long ago, looking at a new era and seeing the ways its own activists are dropping the ball. The only thing that fundamentally matters in a "you have to accept you're reading a superhero story" sense is that because he's Superman he's willing to own up to it and listen to people who might know better about some things and try to set things right while he and those who'll take his place still have a chance. And yes, the oldster looking back on their legacy with a skeptical eye and hoping for better from the next generation, hoping most of all that their little heir apparent can fulfill the promise inside of him instead of being a provocating little shitkicker, is obviously also autobiographical.

* The overlaying Kennedy reprisal is such a great visual of a sudden intrusive thought.

* The Kryptonite secret is the obvious "This is going to matter!" moment, but "He lied about his son" is a bit that doesn't connect to anything going on right now so maybe that's important here too? More significantly, the Justice League can't actually be the villains here but that Ultra-Humanite's crew are in an Earth-orbiting satellite makes pretty clear what's up.

* I've said before that between Superman, OMAC, and a New Gods-affiliated speedster this was going to use all of Morrison's favorite things. King Arthur playing a role isn't exactly dissuading me.

* Love the idea that all the antiheroes have their own community in the same way as the capes and tights crew. They definitely all privately think the rest are posers though and that they alone are Garth Ennis Punisher in a mob of Garth Ennis Wolverines.

* Manchester's fallen so far he's gone from trying to convince Superman to kill to convince him to dunk on people for their bad takes and Clark just doesn't get it. Official prediction of dialogue for upcoming issues:

"According to these bloody Fortress scans, the only thing that can restore your powers is an unfiltered hit of dopamine. Don't worry, Doctor Black has a few ideas."

"Hmm. Maybe I'll plant a nice tree?"

"...fuck you."

* Ok I already talked about how great the Fortress looks in here but LOVE this library.

* A pair of pages this seems like the right spot to discuss from Black's original appearance that underlines both his and Superman's inadequacies up to this point:

Responding to the problem of "the government and penal system are hopelessly corrupt" neither of them has any actual notion of what to do about it in spite of their respective posturing beyond how to handle individual outside actors - each is in their own way every bit as small-minded and reactionary as the other. Clark's coming around though, and he's holding out hope for the other guy.

* Superman: Have a lovely mineral water :) proper hydration is important :)

Manchester Black: *Is a dude who can get so mad he vomits and passes out. At water.*

* That last page is the one to beat for the year, and does more to put over the idea of this as an Authority book than that Midnighter and Apollo are literally going to show up. It also feels like Morrison tacitly acknowledging all the ways the premise could go or at least be received wrong - from Superman saying 'enough is enough' to who he's bringing into the fold to go about it - in the most beautifully on-the-nose fashion imaginable. Maybe they'll save us all! Or maybe they'll drown us in their vomit.

[unioncolours]

Fic: CLEAR

Genre: Fluff, slice of life, this has barely a plot

Pairing: implied Shikajin

Lenght: 2,2k

Inojin notices Shikadai behaves oddly. Something is not right and Inojin is determined to find out what it is, and help him when needed.

Alternatively: This is a brainworm that has lived in my head since April 2020. You’re welcome. 

Please read down below and keep reading! 🖤

 CLEAR

They were sitting out in the meadow bordering to the Nara Forest, just talking about this and that, passing time, like they liked to do, just the two of them.

It was a beautiful day in Konoha and Inojin enjoyed this afternoon immensely. He finished the juice they had with them, swallowing the final drop of liquid, as some guests peeked out of the edge of the forest a bit away from them.

Two deer.

Inojin liked the deer. Not the same extent the Naras did, but he found them beautiful to look at. That was why he became so excited when he saw the brown animals sniffing the fresh spring air out in the open.

“Look!” Inojin whispered, looking at the deer. He didn’t dare pointing at them, in case his movement would spook them.

Shikadai looked up and stared. Just stared. He didn’t say anything, just let his gaze wander along the line of trees. Inojin looked at him, waiting for a response.

It didn’t come.

Shikadai’s wrinkle between his eyebrows let Inojin know he was confused.

“The deer,” Inojin said and pointed at them. “Over there. By the big tree.”

Shikadai stared some more before breaking out in a smile.

“Aaah,” he said. “Yes. They are brave when they come out here. Normally they hide inside.” He nudged Inojin gently. “They’ve gotten so used to you, since you come here so often as well.”

He laid down flat on his back, closing his eyes. Inojin looked at him, feeling a little but concerned by the weird reaction. Shikadai’s peaceful face was however enough to calm him down. Maybe he just had been a little bit tired. Inojin followed him down on the ground and let his eyes close as well.

  The next time Inojin noticed Shikadai was behaving oddly was when they watched TV. There was a humour show going on, where the participants had signs with funny text written on them, and even the funniest jokes didn’t immediately warrant a laugh from Shikadai. The laugh came delayed, after Inojin had laughed and after the narrator read the signs out loud and Inojin found that odd.

And after that he found a lot of different moments that only served as proof to his theory. Shikadai didn’t tell hi to friends who walked the opposite direction towards before it was almost too late and both Inojin and Chocho noticed training didn’t go as well as before. This behaviour spanned on for a couple of weeks, before Inojin finally decided to confront him.

“Can you read what it says on that sign?”

They were out on a market square and Inojin had spotted a sign for a teashop a bit away from them, golden text against black metal. It seemed like the perfect text to test Shikadai.

“Which sign?” Shikadai sounded indifferent.

“The teashop sign,” Inojin said. He followed carefully how Shikadai’s eyes darted across all the signs along the streets. He didn’t seem to find the sign. “Black and gold,” Inojin helped even more.

“I don’t know,” Shikadai finally muttered. “I can’t see the sign you’re referring to.”

Inojin grabbed Shikadai’s arm and gently dragged him with him.

“Tell me when you see it,” he said, and they walked closer and closer to the sign. Inojin waited with anticipation for the moment when Shikadai would see the golden text.

“There,” Shikadai said when they were close to the sign. “Golden Leaf – Tea Shop.”

“Yes,” Inojin said. He took a deep breath before opening his mouth. “You know, I saw this text from where we were standing at first. It was sharp and clear from the very start.”

Shikadai was quiet for a while and Inojin gave him all the room to puzzle through the reality.

“It’s not normal to not see it sharply before at this length from it,” Inojin continued softly. “You don’t see things well far away, isn’t that right?”

Shikadai stared up at the sign, clearly irritated at it.

“I guess,” he finally muttered. He sounded angry. Defeated. He turned around to walk back to where they had walked from.

“It’s easily fixed,” Inojin said, trying to level down the situation. He followed Shikadai, who had his eyes steadily fixed on something invisible in front of him. “Hey. Talk to me.”

“This is just so troublesome,” Shikadai muttered.

“But easily fixed,” Inojin continued, on purposely sounding light-hearted. Shikadai shrugged. “Are you embarrassed?”

“Dunno,” Shikadai said.

“You seem like it,” Inojin said. “It’s fine. It is nothing weird to wear glasses. Sarada does it.”

“Sarada has worn them since she was like three years old,” Shikadai retorted, as if that was the only allowed age to have decreased eyesight if one was younger than fifty.

“And it doesn’t matter,” Inojin continued. “What matters is that you don’t seem to see things like deer in your own forest. That we have managed missions so far is a miracle. What if you get hurt because you didn’t see something approaching you, or someone in camo clothing? And what if your eyesight continues worsen? What then?”

Shikadai pressed his hands down his pockets, annoyed, but he knew Inojin was right. He didn’t see faces of people standing further away from him. Animals disappeared for him among the green and brown of forests, the colours blurring together. He couldn’t always read texts in the tv if he didn’t sit closer than the sofa.

He could work around his weakness, and it had worked thus far, but it only worked so far and so long. Soon he’d begin to suffer from not seeing. The worst part was the colours blurring together. Roots in the ground weren’t as visible anymore and he had tripped a few times.

“I’ll talk to my parents,” Shikadai finally said.

“Good,” Inojin said.

   Shikadai stared out of the window while eating dinner with his parents. He saw a big lump of green from the trees, individual leaves not existing for him, only a big green cloud with blurred edges. He stared at the blurry edge, feeling angry, because why wouldn’t his eyes make them sharp again like they once had been?

“Dad,” he finally said, accepting defeat. “I don’t think I see that well anymore.”

Both Shikamaru and Temari looked up.

“What do you mean?” Temari asked.

“I can’t… see things far away,” Shikadai said. “Like the leaves outside.” Both his parents looked out of the window at the leaves in question. “They’re all blurry. I can’t see deer in our forest. I can’t read signs if they’re not close to me.”

For some reason he had expected them to be disappointed. Disappointed in him and his body for not following the perfect shinobi mould. Instead, they offered empathic glances.

“How long have you noticed this going on?” Shikamaru asked gently.

“I don’t know,” Shikadai said. “It’s not like you notice when it happens. Probably for months. All of a sudden it hits you that you can’t see. And I’ve tried to work around it, tried to ignore it and make up alternative ways of working where sharp eyesight isn’t necessary so no one would know. I thought I could defeat it on my own, you know. But I don’t think I can anymore.”

To his surprise, Shikamaru just shook his head fondly and chuckled.

“Awfully stubborn as usual,” he said. “You should have told us as soon as you noticed something was up. It’s okay, Shikadai. Let’s appoint a time for you to an eye doctor and get it checked.”

Shikadai sighed, not knowing how to feel. Partly relieved that he would get to see well again, but also annoyed at having failed making this on his own.

He was a stubborn boy, but one that finally accepted his little weakness.

    “I want to come with you to choose your glasses!” Inojin pouted in the phone when Shikadai called him after the visit to the optician.

“No, I want to choose myself without your input,” Shikadai replied, voice filled with warmth, as he sipped a bit of the milkshake he had bought himself as a reward after the weird experience of having someone shining bright lights in his eyes and having him look at letters, red and green, dots and stripes through prisms and glasses. “I’ll go back to choose frames soon after my milkshake.”

“Choose something colourful!”

“Never,” Shikadai smiled to his phone, sipping some more. “You have to wait until your eyes suck as well.”

“What if mine never sucks?” Inojin teased.

“Hah ha,” Shikadai said dryly. “My milkshake is empty now. I’ll go back and choose some frames for me. They’ll come in a couple of weeks, whichever I choose.”

“You’re going to be so cute,” Inojin said and Shikadai blushed a bit.

“Bye,” he said and his voice sounded like a sunny smile.

   The couple of weeks rushed by. Shikadai lived in the world he was used to and that had become his normal, with leaves not visible and faces he couldn’t recognise. It was what he was used to, and he was a bit nervous as he walked into the opticians’ shop to fetch his glasses. Now something was going to change, he wasn’t going to have to squint all the time or accept some information was inaccessible for him.

And something was going to change about his appearance as well. He didn’t care about that part too much and was more concerned about other hassle that came with glasses.

His first thought when he got the glasses on was disappointment when he became hyper-focused on the black frames around his eyes. So, I am going to look at this all the time, huh? He even expressed his concerns and the optician promised him he’d get used to it and he’d forget they’re there. He’d even forget to feel them on his nose and around his ears. She warned him he could be dizzy or feel nauseous, but he just had to get used to see again without straining his eyes. Seemed fair.

Everything seemed okay and Shikadai walked out of the store, only to stop and just stare.

Everything was so clear. Edges were so sharp he wasn’t even able to comprehend this was normal and this was what the world looked like with a clear eyesight, something he now realised he hadn’t had for months. The depth of his surrounding felt different as well and he walked as in a daze, just staring around him through clear glass with the right adjustments and strength.

He had learned how to recognise Inojin even with the weakened sight of him – it was hard to miss the whirlwind with blond hair and most often purple clothes, but now he could look at Inojin’s features without standing close to him.

Shikadai could see Inojin’s face and despite him feeling like walking on clouds thanks to his depth perception feeling off when he just had everything corrected, he walked faster up to him. His own face cracked up in a smile.

“Hi, handsome,” Inojin said when he was closer. “Oh, they look really good!”

Shikadai put his hand instinctively up and touched the temple pieces. It still felt very new and odd.

“Hehe, thanks,” he said. “Do I look smarter now?”

“You look gorgeous as always,” Inojin said. “Milkshakes?”

“Yeah,” Shikadai said, still feeling the glasses on the side of his face.

He spent the day marvelling at the world around him. Feeling shocked at the brightness, the everything he hadn’t known he was missing out on. The milkshake tasted extra good, despite his head feeling weird from the new perception of his surroundings. It helped also that Inojin smiled to him in that terribly sweet way all the time.

   Two deer were peacefully munching on the grass and Shikadai was sitting on the other side of the river. He observed them while aimlessly touching his face, feeling what would become his new normal and every day. He could see them sharply, every thine on their antlers clear as they’ve never been before-

His parents had taken a look at him and nodded affirmatively when he had come home with the added aid to his face, but they had not drawn any attention to it. Shikadai was grateful for it. This was nothing spectacular after all, just a new look on him and nothing more. When he had gotten used to the glasses, and he took them off before bed or a shower, he couldn’t understand he had once been satisfied with blur around him.

“How many deer do you see?” Inojin asked.

“Three,” Shikadai snorted back at him.

“Good,” Inojin said. “Was just gonna check if you’re eyes work.”

“I hate you,” Shikadai jokingly said and affectionally pushed Inojin.

“Have I told you how good you look in those?” Inojin asked, through a little laugh.

“I don’t need to look good; I need to see!” Shikadai replied, knowing well that Inojin had been staring at him nonstop since a few weeks back when he received his spectacles the first time.

“Sure thing you do, sure thing,” Inojin said and leaned against Shikadai, lacing their fingers together as the deer peacefully kept munching on.

 The End

[borisbubbles]

17. CZECH REPUBLIC

Benny Christo - “Kemama”

So first off, thank you for the nice commens. 😇The past few months haven’t been the happiest time for me, so thank you for your patience as I scraped my bearings together for another post! 😁

So I will now extend that same sympathy to Benny Christo, whom I think I damn fucking underrated. Let’s jump in~

ENTRY ANALYSIS

As one may expect i INSTANTLY liked “Kemama” because you know, it’s a fun, laid-back, tropical afro-breeze, completely different from anything else we would see in NFs and the year. EXACTLY the type of song I was hoping the Czech NF would deliver (and deliver they did, see NF Corner). This level of mild like swung into strong unironic like upon realizing that the title is a contraction of “Okay Mother” 😍 and the song deals with the subject of overcoming racially-tinged discrimination and rising above the hate. That just feels very poetic and apt? “Kemama” felt like the entry that had to overcome the highest odds in order to earn the respect it so fully deserves, and still hasn’t fully reached it.

.In our Western European bubble, comprised mostly of gays and left-liberal straights, we have a very grateful and universal acceptance of many different kinds of [lizard] people that make up Eurovision casts. Yet with “Kemama” we may have reached  an unusually grimy undercurrent of coded racism. 

Of course nothing I read was outrageously rancid, than Cod for that. The worst statement I read was a double-whammy of “EWW THIS ISN’T CARIBBEANVISION” and “WHY WOULD SOMEONE FROM *KENYA* WANT TO REP CZECHIA IN EUROVISION?”, and yes they first got the continent wrong and then *also* got the country wrong in the follow-up post and then they were torn limb from limb by a pack of aformentioned left-liberals. I’m sorry but i can’t not have any other response than laughter in the face of yet another fucking MORON faceplanting themselves with words like a... racist JK Rowling if you will?

Still, while I never read something outright vile about Benny doesn’t mean I found his deniers really annoying and they were! Think “Ew Solovey is ‘Too Aggressive’ it will NEVER DO WELL IN ESC”, a statement that isn’t coded nor racist (and yet extremely false and misguided), functioned as a similar idea by the same minds. A statement borne from the same breed of narrow-minded stubbornness which has caused elitist morons to be all “there is **SOMETHING** about “Kemama” i do *NOT* like and I cannot lay my finger on it... but I **DO NOT** like it at ALL. It won’t ever qualify because everyone will think the same way I do” -- Eurovision snobs, tiptoeing around racial coda in January 2020.

 They would also insist that Benny was “arrogant” because he was seemingly impervious to their (de)constructive criticism. Like, if you were a biracial butterfly living in a slavic country who had to deal with statements such as the above on a regular basis, you WOULD block out the noise. And if you heard them often enough you will start to block them out pre-emptively. DO YOU NOT KNOW HOW COPING MECHANISMS WORK?? (oh wait you’re white-privileged. Nevermind 🙄)

 So naturally, when Benny decided that he would revamp “Okay Mother” by adding in MORE African elements it only made me love him even more lol. 😍 Was it a bull-headed, contrarian and possibly really stupid decision? Yes, yes and absolutely yes. Was it worth it? Well he managed to incite even more meltdowns in a group of people I feel nothing but contempt for, so hell yeah? Eurovision was cancelled anyway so who cares how much ‘worse’ “Kemama” actually got. 

Okay, so we’ve arrived at the revamp.

Granted, it wasn’t the best ‘vamp, I’d be a fool to deny it. The new elements threw a wrench in the melodic balance of the song. Out went tropical laid-back fun, IN went that fucking guitar oh my god this is some Hotel FM piano levels of overbearing I swear. (nb: this still didn’t stop me from ironically stanning Hotel FM’s lame asses anyway 😍). However, it made the personal backstory that I loved and savoured take a backseat to the now inferior composition. 😭

Regardless, New Kemama was fundamentally the same song, and I fundamentally liked Old Kemama, so whatevs, it made no different to me. In the eyes of many Eurovision diehards we were experiencing WORST PRESHOW SEASON EVER (after three songs... lol) and nothing clinches this brainworm more than a revamp announcement. “OH MY GOD HE WILL RUIN IT! I CAN GUARANTEE YOU I *WON’T* LIKE IT”. Self-fulfilling prophecies, ya know? It certainly didn’t help when the official channel accidentally uploaded a vid with broken soundmixing (‘OMG HORRIBLE LAST IN THE SEMI!!!!’ calm the ever-loving HELL down) and took another FULL WEEK to upload the correct vid. The damage had already been done. Typing "SEE I TOLD YOU THE REVAMP WOULD BE SHITE HA HA HA” in the Kemama comment box really just is the ESC equivalent of reponding with “Actually, *all* lives matter :smug:” to a BLM support pamphlet, isn’t it?

NF CORNER

While not my favourite NF of the bunch, I found the Czech NF to be lowkey epic. Not epic enough to remember its name but regardless Czechvision or whatever marked the end of an era because it was also the last selection spearheaded by Jan Bors :o

I think I’ve made it clear enough in the past that I’m somewhat mixed on Bors Era Czechia - Lake Malawi were a toetapping good, Ickolas was a pockmarked, skin-crawling evil and the other three inhibit a purgatory somewhere between “moderately nice” and “moderate timewaste.”

Still, I have great respect for the man who orchestrated Czech’s comeback after scoring NINE POINTS TOTAL across three years with the mindset of “So what? Why says we can’t win?” so ofc I was all into the idea of the “EIGHT INDIE ANGELS, HAND-PICKED BY BORS HIMSELF” NF that would serve as his swan song.

Naturally things went down the drain the second Bors left, with one of the eight peacing and his successor cancelling the live broadcast (does anyone remember what exactly happened? I vaguely recall one was the cause of the other but lol it’s July can’t be bothered to factscheck (Factsczeck?) anymore, bitches.

Anyway, ON TO THE GOOD STUFF, and yes, there was plenty.

We All Poop - “ All the Blood (Positive Song Actually)”

Yes, as you can imagine I ofc IMMEDIATELY fell into like when I saw that chyron and invisioned the inevitability of the Czech Rep’s Rep immediately alienating every parent just based on their name alone <3 😍 w/e WAP quickly became that “Good but not great” song you find in every NF that everyone gushes over because it’s the whitest option available. Like, yes, “All the blood” is good, but musically it’s identical to Green Day and Twenty-One Pilots and god name ANY 90s-early00′s American Punk Rock band. For me the enjoyment came from the fact that WAP were openly crazy vegan fundamentalists and the VC clip actively condemns the use ANY animal protein by replacing the cattle and game with LITERAL HUMAN BEINGS. 😍 :fusedmarcintensifies: :kasiamosage:

Pam Rabbit - “Get up”

Ohhhh YES a glorious experimental Synth-Trap song only I could love and ofc I did. God what is there even to say; the provocative darkness of the verses combined with the swirling amorphousness of the chorus gives me LIFE. LUFF THIS SHIT <3333 Ftr, this was also the fave of Slovene Juror duo / synth angels / Boris faves ZALAGASPER, further proving their pathetic naysayers that they own all things music and the haters can suck a series of-

Barbora Mochowa - “White and Black Holes“

Lol, yes even with a “Get up” existing, there was a song I liked even more. Barbora proved a very competent Lana del Gay last year, but I was a YUGE fan of this year’s... Kate Bush-Björk blend of ethereal awesome. It is so soothingly beautiful and the rare example of a song that I find completely free of flaws. Were the competition not such a hard place, I’d be pissed she didnt win (at least she won the jury vote MASSIVE KUDOS to every alum on that) but w/e this selection had opions and I’m rather robbed of a “Kemama” than I am of a BRILLIANT IRREPLICABLE AETHERBALLAD. ~Danse balance sûr les white and black holes~

Elis Mraz & Cis T - “Wanna be like”

I *VERY* strongly felt that if the Czech Republic wanted to win ESC, they should have picked Elis and even now I STILL believe she could have won. That isn’t to say I gushed over “Wanna be like” because I find it kind of annoying lol. Yes, I LOVE an annoying female voice (:Tones&Icackle:) but Elis’s reaches a Camilla Cabello sort of place for me (good lord get Senorita OFF the fucking radio) and the Scat + White Guy Rapping middle-eight. 😬. However, the second I opened up the video clip for this paragraph and was immediately BLASTED by Elis murdering a ukelele and wearing a  “schoolgirl” outfit straight from a Japanese tentacle porn movie and OH MY GOD THE AGGRESSIVE TWERKING made me reconsider that hey, this min-sized Meghan Traynor actually kinda highkey owns, yo!  Yet, I’m not at all bothered we lost her in the Czech NF because we got UNO DOS QUATRO CINCO SEIS :fatmansplit: fill up the megameme slot instead, so...

Eurovision 2020 vs Eurovision 2021

BENNY RUINED HIS SONG AND NEVER WOULD HAVE QUALIFIED. jk I’m not a moron. Sure, “Kemama” wasn’t an easy sell because you know AFROBEAT in a contest where half of the people watching are fash (ie: all of Eastern Europe, who watch out of ~Nationalistic Sentiment~ 😬), but there are Kemama live renditions out there and he owns them SO hard lol. A few soundmixing issues really would not have stopped Benny from qualifying in that RIDICULOUSLY WEAKSAUCE SEMIFINAL are you fucking kidding me. He probably would’ve bombed in the Grand Final, but I mean it’s Czech and it’s not Ickolas so ofc it would have.

And Czech renewed him for 2021 regardless of the sceptics, woohoo! I think part of it was due the Czech not wanting to re-organize an ENTIRE NF from scratch without Jan Bors, but probably also because Benny owns live when he isn’t engaged in psychological trench warfare with actual human detritus <3 and also because the Czech fucking CARE about their artists and don’t drop them like a sack of rotten potatoes wtfshitprus.

Can’t wait for the moment when he qualifies and Efendi does not, etc, etc. 

FREAKY! FRIDAY! FACTOR!

I’d say that the core around which the Ben Drama spun was pretty standard fare: niche fave beats out the concensus fave, meltdowns ensue, people convince themselves it was the WRONG decision because it wasn the result they wanted, try to disown the song and make a fool of themselves because the song slaps, sorry. Even the revamp drama felt more of less generic for me, because yawn fantards melting down over a revamp of a song they don’t even like what else is new.  

However, what I do take away that the revamp was ENTIRELY Benny’s idea which he told no one about (cue to JAN BORS having a social media meltdown like he’s Caesar at the Ides of March 💔) added MORE afrobeat just to troll his haters even more <3  God, I’d say it was bad from a musical perspective but this level of in-your-face defiance is fucking iconic and hilarious, sorry. This entire this year is so batshit bonkers that the concept of a someone potentially shooting themselves in the foot and “torpedo’ing” their qualification chances  (not rly, he would’ve Q’d anyway lol) JUST to take the moral high ground in a racially coded argument only HE took seriously may not even be the craziest concept in the year! (lol it definitely isn’t. Look at the pics I haven’t greyed out yet)

This and more yield Benny some well-earned Senheads! Yay!! 

Score: 3 Senhits out of 5.

[the-amazing-spider-bi]

A, I, M and X!

omg hi!!!! it’s been a while!!! how are you?

A - if i’m in love

nope! i’m not in love at the moment, in spite of the quarantine yearning brainworms. for the first time in a while though i have a crush on someone and i actually am talking to him and trying to be his friend instead of... avoiding all mentions of possible feelings. he’s really sweet, so figures, at worst, i get a cool friend. i don’t know, i think it’s called character development or something. 

I - the last time i felt jealous, and why

ok an anon asked me that one and i don’t remember the time before that so will the jury take the last time i felt severely inadequate? it was today. it’s every day. i have zoom classes and public speaking is bad enough when you don’t have to open a microphone and suddenly become the actual center of everyone’s screen. why are my classmates okay with this. i’m going to set fire to my computer 

M - if i forgive betrayal

lady, you could pour hot soup on my lap and i’d say thank you. if someone screwed me over and told me they had a very good reason though i’d probably be like. aw it’s okay you had a very good though! godspeed 

X - if i’ve done something i regret very much

alright storytime about a very dumb evening that i haven’t yet told my therapist about. so of course i’m going to tell you guys all about it

when i was a wee little emo nerd in high school i went to a costume party. for context, it was one of those parties where everyone in a class was invited, even the people who usually were kind of outcasts, even my friends and i, who were, as i mentioned, emo nerds. anyway, due to the whole emo nerdiness, none of my friends wanted to go except a much more popular girl who instantly left for her other group. 

so i was standing here, the only one on time in my luna lovegood costume that no one understood - they kept asking if i was lady gaga -, and promptly got incredibly drunk. i am talking incredible amounts of underage drinking. i was fifteen and had probably only actually had alcohol, like, twice in my life, so i didn’t know stuff like how you’re not supposed to mix it, or fill an entire glass with straight vodka, oh my god you’re not supposed to mix it with an empty stomach, oh my god.

anyway. from what i remember of the night, the following events unfolded in that order:

- i told a boy wearing leather pants “too bad you’re so desperate for your crush to like you back, since she literally couldn’t care less! you’re actually kinda cute though that’s a waste”

 - i kissed a boy who was cross-dressing as a costume (catholic school)

 - i instantly said loudly “god, i’m lucky you’re not actually a girl, or everyone would know i’m bisexual, that’d be awkward”

 - everyone knew i was bisexual. that was awkward

 - once again. it was catholic school.

 - girls quizzed me on who i found cute at school and i lied and said i found them all hot because i didn’t want to hurt their feelings and tell them they all looked too straight to be even remotely attractive to me

 - i got alcohol poisoning and had a panic attack. the other teens panicked called an ambulance 

 - my dad realizing i didn’t make curfew came to get me and found me in an ambulance where the firemen were asking me “what day of the week is it” “friday” “no the date” “guys. ask me stuff i know” 

 - my father yelled at all the other teens 

 - i spent the next month trying to convince my parents to let me change schools. it did not work. i was grounded for months but genuinely didn’t realize i was meant to be grounded until a year later

[1000-rat-corpses]

tbfh fma:brotherhood kinda saved my life when i was extremely sick

and now i will muse about my previous illness under a readmore

i think a lot of people i’ve talked to about this illness are tired of hearing about it. but i’d never been through something so intense and so so so infused with my one, deep-rooted phobia. it’s weird to think that that 2 month ordeal with the worst 2 weeks of my life was a year ago already and while i was up at 2, 3, 4am in unspeakable physical and mental distress, i was powering through things on netflix like no one’s business, but the two that really helped were Hilda lol, and most impactful-ly fma:b. those nights i stayed up so late was because i was so physically ill that i couldn’t even swallow let alone take the sheer amount of medicine i was already several hours overdue for and absolutely HAD to eat with. I was living alone for several days too, and i was so close to losing my fucking mind and wanted to give up taking the medicine, which two of which were antibiotics and if i had stopped would have caused resistance and then an additional 4 week long course (or worse), which actually, truly, probably would have killed me im not going to lie. i’m like 5′4″, and i dropped to 96 lbs which was the lowest i recorded but i stopped checking after i got spooked by that.

anyway point is at some point i realized i’d almost reached the end of fma:b and i was was like damn........ like i had finished the original 03 anime back when it was airing in japan at a wee like 11-12 years of age. i didn’t want to watch brotherhood until i was ‘ready’ for the binge but it never really came around. then i got sick and it was on netflix, and somehow the timing of how i slogged through episode to episode timed up with the end of my medication, and those end days were still tough. i was going to watch the last episode with the very last of my pills, but couldn’t take the last one until the next morning bc i was worried it wouldn’t stay down and it’d be wasted. but the morning came around, and i felt like shit but i finished everything and rode out the nausea with a good tearfest at both my treatment being over and the true finale of fma that i’d been putting off for so long lol like it was so nice to have this happy ending, this big, beautiful payoff for this emotional journey i’d started really in like 03, there wasn’t that grimdark ending anime loves to do these days and it felt kinda just wow. fictional characters said you gotta do what you gotta do lol like wow edward elric really said i gotta stand up and walk and keep moving forward. i was so fucking scared when i got tested a month later to see if the treatment worked but it did. i still had ulcers and some other side effects from the treatment that lasted for months after, but i’m good now and wanna say thanks to hiromu arakawa for such a beautiful, meaningful series.

what an incredible bizarre life experience tho

also ironically, i didn’t actually finish hilda, despite reaching the final two eps, during this bc FMA won out, and couldnt go back to it later because somehow i actually developed a sort of “taste aversion” to the show. i tried watching an episode i stopped halfway through and immediately felt the brainworms say ‘nope nausea time this reminds you too much of sick times’ lol so im glad i finished FMA so i didn’t have to worry about that with it