#these are not my first time touching on those topics so the scary part for me honestly is just

[ask-the-rag-dolly]

// okay but actually knowing that the ending isn't totally tragic makes it way less scary to get involved. Certain "bad ends" can be terrible for people with past experience, so knowing that eventually it will get better is relieving to say the least.

yeah i do actually have phase 2's ending planned out and i'll say that it's a lot more positive and hopeful . i mean it's not a happily ever after or something but we'll see some character development

i guess i'm throwing out all of these reassurances because - i think it's apparent already but phase 2 will have considerably darker topics ( trauma , identity crises and whatever 00 has going on to be specific ) , and i fully believe that the message i'm going for will be shattered if it ends badly . she'll be alright /genuine .

[azullumi]

jealousy — various characters ☆彡

summary — how does jealousy feels for him and how does he deal with it?

characters — kaveh, tighnari, thoma, cyno, wanderer, alhaitham, ayato, kazuha, diluc (w/gender-neutral reader)

tags — kind of fluff, jealousy, possessiveness, i want to kiss diluc so bad, not proof-read; headcanons

words — 1204

note — this was supposed to be longer but my brain is fried and bondee anyone? :D if anyone wants to be neighbors, just tell me

KAVEH — It's obvious when he gets jealous, you could just immediately tell if there's envy and jealousy brewing in his mind whenever he sees you with another person—specifically someone who is obvious with their intentions to you but you're oblivious to it—because of how he shows his emotions and is usually expressive about it. Rolling his eyes as he replies once you have touched upon the topic of what he felt as he knits his eyebrows, and everything, he's conveying it all. However, he would still refuse at the end of it, he won't even admit to it but you'll know. He’ll even lean more on the petty side, making remarks like how you should ask that ‘friend’ you’re so close with but once you’ll go and turn around, he’ll ask you where you’re going and tell you to not leave. 

TIGHNARI — He’s very much open with his emotions to you and doesn’t hide anything from you so when he's feeling something, whether it be sadness, happiness, or anything, you’ll know it immediately. This also applies to that bitter and burning feeling in his chest. At times he doesn’t verbally convey to you about what he feels, he shows it through the subtle actions he makes—wrapping an arm around your waist and pulling you close, showing off that you’re taken and you have him whenever he sees you talking with someone who is showing clear interest to you and giving off a scary presence that he’ll only show towards the people he’s scolding. “I don’t like them,” he’ll say as a remark while donning a calm demeanor, and you’ll either think it’s just that or he’s trying to say something more.

THOMA — Gets extremely affectionate and sweeter than usual. He'll silently beg for more affection from you by being more clingy than he already is—he’ll be all over you like some sort of object or item taped or glued on your body, as if he’s part of the design of your clothing because of just how much he’s sticking to you. The intimacy, fondness, and love that you receive from him on a daily or usual basis? You’ll get triple that amount once he gets jealous, the intimacy and closeness being there but overwhelming. He’ll even bluntly tell you, rubbing it all over your face, that he’s jealous, that he’s really and extremely jealous while pampering you with kisses and what can I say besides you have to deal with it?

CYNO — He places so much faith in you, trusting you and being confident with himself thus he doesn’t get jealous easily. However, when he does—on rare chances— he’s grumpy and much more intimidating than usual. Even if he's known to have a good control with his emotions, dealing with it properly, and placing it where it’s supposed to be, when he gets that feeling, all of those are thrown out of the window and somehow, he find himself twitching his eyebrow and giving death stares to the person acting way too close to you. He does get clingy though, staying closer to you, lingering touches, intertwined hands, and longer gazes, and everything, as if he’s trying to say something through his caresses and strokes on your skin.

WANDERER — Understanding and patience is what you need. He gets irritated or irked off once he gets jealous and you’ll first think if he’s just having his mood swings or something. He’ll leave you thinking and confused, basically not admitting that he’s jealous and would get more irritated if you won’t be able to guess or know what he’s feeling. He just refuses to talk about it, rolling his eyes and turning his back away when you'll ask him if he's jealous or what, and you can’t help but scratch the back of your head upon recognizing the feeling being expressed by him. He’ll be salty for a few days, just give him a little bit of time—he secretly wishes that you'll woo him and give him more of your attention and time instead.

ALHAITHAM — He doesn’t even know it—or more like he just ignores and fans off that feeling in his chest which will slowly grow, as moments pass by. He's the type of person whose jealousy will start really small, letting it pass, until it becomes something he can't completely turn a blind eye to. At first, he could have an inner monologue wherein he’s in conflict with his emotions and thinking him being jealous is impossible but then he imagines you with someone else and he’s irritated. He reasons that perhaps he was envisioning you with Kaveh that’s why he’s displeased so he thinks of another person and the annoyance persists. He tries to create logic out of what he is feeling before giving up and admitting that he is, indeed, jealous.

KAMISATO AYATO — The clingy possessive type of jealousy is what you’ll get from him. Through his actions and simple words, he'll tell the other party to stay away from you before he'll have to deal with them himself and you could and probably would think 'awww, that's so sweet and cute to see that he's jealous.' Not when you'll come home and he's all over you, lips all over your skin, kisses all over your face, and hands all over your body. However, once the two of you are in bed and you have already fallen asleep, he'll admire you for a little bit longer before pulling you close as if he's afraid that you'll leave him, was he being too much? Well, he just can’t help it when he holds so much adoration and love for you.

KAEDEHARA KAZUHA — Communication is the key so when he’s upset or jealous over something, he’ll tell you about it. Not in a way that it feels like he’s reporting some sort of news or topic to you, straightforward and clear—”I am jealous because of this guy that was starting at you,”—but in a roundabout way: asking so much questions, going back and forth a certain event, his mouth lingering on the topic that made him jealous without saying he’s jealous. He just gets repetitive, hoping that you’ll realize and thankfully, due to the fact that he keeps on talking and speaking over something, you’ll eventually realize what’s going on and once he sees that you do, he just laughs nervously and says: “I’m being childish, aren’t I?”

DILUC RAGNVINDR — He silently looms his jealousy over. Silence, silence, silence, that's the only treatment that you will get from him at first except for the short responses and such as he’s busy dealing with his own emotions, his mind muddled with the thoughts that he shouldn’t get jealous over something so small or petty. He just doesn’t know how to act and what to do, resulting in you receiving the silent treatment from him. However, he would then succumb to his emotions after minutes, suffering more from what he’s giving and not talking to you than the feeling of jealousy itself which will lead to him eventually telling you about what he felt and seeing how adorable he is, how he tries to maintain his demeanor and composure, kissing him would be inevitable.

© azullumi — do not plagiarize, copy, repost, nor translate any of my works.

[hanafubukki]

Lilia really went by "AHAHAH ! They thought they could hurt my son and get away with it. Time to remind them why they feared me" and proceed to make a bloodbath.

They thought parenting made him soft. No. Parenting just made him busy and whipped. He's still scary. Even more than before actually. So don't touch cutie human boy.

[Talking about this fic]

Hello Anonie💕💚🌺

YES! Exactly this!

The idea that parenting, that love of any kind, makes someone weak is a lie. The act of loving and to love, to give a part of yourself, takes so much courage and vulnerability.

In fact, the act of loving someone can make you stronger and gives you purpose.

Meleanor having Lilia realize that he is capable of love was one of the best (and worst) lessons she had taught him.

Before, Lilia didn’t think he was capable or worthy (to a degree like Silver and Malleus, the former thinking he owes Lilia something and the latter always being put on a pedestal and not able to show his true emotions, both of which are raised to uphold others ideals/expectation. I can literally write an essay on this topic. They learned from Lilia so I guess the apple doesn’t fall that far from the tree after all.)

So this realization not only allowed Lilia to realize what he is capable of but also to learn to fear loss, to aknowledge loss.

Lilia thought he wasn’t capable of love, literally just dived head into everything without worry or fear of himself. Because who was he to others? Nothing but a weapon, and his loss wouldn’t mean anything, everyone he knew was happy. He didn’t matter.

But when it was pointed out that he has always loved and had the ability to do so, he realized the wonders and despair of such an emotion. He realizes how others viewed him and he first hand learned how such emotions can wreck someone, during one of the hardest moments of his life.

And yet

This emotion allowed him to continue living, see malleus hatch, raise silver, teach sebek and silver, and so much more.

He was able to see all that life had to offer him where before you can say he kind of took it for granted.

Now, realizing that and having felt loss himself, the connections he made is what can be his undoing. Because to make connections and love, is to mean to lose eventually. (That why he said Cater was smart to keep people away, so he doesn’t get hurt. Because he understand those feelings.)

And with this comes fear, of losing and being the cause of the very pain he felt. And that is why he runs away. He doesn’t want to face these fears and these connections. Doesn’t want to see these loved ones as they feel pain over his gradual deterioration. Didn’t want to be the cause of such pain.

Because it means he have loved so fully and people loved him return, and what a wondrous but beautiful emotion it is, isn’t it? And why would he want to cause his loved ones such pain? Allow them to see him this way?

Now, someone trying to take that away from him? Those he cherish? The ones he loved so wholeheartedly? He who has suffered so much?

Parenting made him all the more stronger and he’ll show them just how much more brutal the General could be.

(I went into a spiral about Lilia but are we surprised at this point? ☺️💞🫶)

[wordslop]

i feel like a stray cat

i should explain-

bear with me please

i promise this will make sense

at first i was even scared

to let you touch more

than my hands

and my face

just as a stray cat

would slap away any and all

unwanted attention

including harmless affection

then i got bolder (for my standards)

and i wore a shirt

that showed off my tummy

because even that was risky to me

just as a stray cat

would leave a mouse

on your doorstep

hinting at the slightest of warmth

then i sent you that first picture

i really looked like a girl

the way i had the towel covering my chest

it felt like i had maggots in my stomach

just as a stray cat

who got to comfortable

and is now stuck

in a box with wires over the exit

after that i got more comfortable

it was hard at first

i really wanted to show you myself

and i’m finally comfortable (mostly)

just as a stray cat

would warm up to a family

wander out of the box

and into a bed

i got really comfortable

i was finally able to be touched

i’m not an glass statue anymore

something more than being seen

i was finally yours

just as a stray cat

is to a family

comfortable and happy

then i had some thoughts

and some doubts

but they were supposed to stay

in my head locked away

the only one with the key

should have been me

but i should have known

you were smarter than that

i didn’t expect anything less

if i’m being honest

you had the same thoughts

not the doubt though

that’s where i crumble

at first the thought in question

look like way too much fun

i couldn’t even wait to try

but then i realized

that meant i had to get over

my biggest fear

being seen

just as a stray cat

would hide away

if there was a new

loud scary thing

for me the thought

of you seeing

my bare body

is scarier than anything else

just as a stray cat

is pulled out from behind a couch

they are shoved into the light of day

shown off like a glass statue

you see when i was younger

i made some bad decisions

and one of those was a boy

he can stay unnamed

this boy pressured me

into showing him my body

but i stoped before i was bare

and he didn’t understand

just as a cat owner

couldn’t tell

why the cat bit

even though he was the reason

and so the fear

of myself being exposed

and left open

just for you

is really getting to me

i’m scared that i’ll cry

or that i’ll go quiet

because that’s all i’ve ever done

and i know it will be different this time

i know it will be my decision

but that doesn’t help me

be less scared

i know i’m a boy

but the mismatched parts

make this topic really difficult

i want you to know who i truely am

but you can see

that the mismatched parts

make that so difficult

because

even if i feel pleasure

and even if it doesn’t bother you

it’s still wrong for me

it’s still mismatched

just as a stray cat

bites the hand that feeds

out of pure fear

and terror

i’m so sorry my love

i’ll try my best to not lash out

but will you forgive me

for it is all i’ve ever known

[btr-rewatch]

Big Time Rush Season 1, Episode 1: “Big Time Audition” PART 2

LINK to part 1

Thanks to those of you who checked out my first post. What a nice surprise! Onto part two :)

Also, since these posts are long and hidden under a keep reading, maybe I'll do a little "highlights" blurb after I write the post up? That way people can get an idea of what's in it and see if they want to read it?

Highlights: The guys finally get to the audition, and I proceed to spiral into Kendall Knight character analysis.

After borrowing their elderly neighbor (in order to have an adult in the car so Logan can drive), the boys make it to the audition in the nick of time. An exhausted looking Kelly slaps stickers on all four of them, and I have two comments on this:

Kelly referring to Kendall as "tall, blond, and eyebrows" is perhaps one of the best lines so far in the episode. I remember really loving Kelly when I originally watched the show, and so far, she is not disappointing me. She calls it like she sees it, and what she sees is accurate.

Look at him. I love Kendall.

The other thing is just how funny it is to me that not only did these four wildly different boys became best friends—they can all sing. And like, not even in a "yeah, you've got an ok voice" kind of way. They can sing, sing. What are the odds of this happening? Yeah, yeah, I know this is a wacky show, and it had to happen like this on account of, um, it's the plot, but for real. Did they...did they not know they could sing? Or did they ever sit around and start singing for fun and just not notice how good they all sounded?? I can't remember if this is ever brought up. It's funny to me for some reason. Gustavo had a whole entire boyband pre-packaged and ready to go in Minnesota, and the only reason it was discovered was because Kendall can't keep a lid on his temper.

Moving on! James starts getting cold feet and switches his number sticker with Logan's. And it's at this point that I must also comment on yet another instance of Kendall having to serve as their collective brain. I mean, Logan says he's a genius and will come up with something to do on stage, and then he immediately goes, "Kendall?" to which Kendall tells him to beatbox. No thinking involved for Mr. Mitchell so far. Can't figure out how to get to the audition? Call for Kendall; he'll solve the problem. Don't know what to do on stage? Kendall will provide the answer to that, too!

Kendall is single-handedly holding this friend group together. James, Carlos, and Logan are like kittens. Scrambling all over the place, getting themselves into trouble, making messes, etc, and Kendall is the one hurriedly running around trying to corral them all.

Logan's audition goes GREAT, by the way.

When it's finally time for James to take the stage, Gustavo utters one of my other favorite lines, "Well, he's not hideous."

Unfortunately, that's about the nicest comment Gustavo has for James, and he eventually tells him to get off the stage because he has no talent. Uh oh! Is James about to have his dreams completely crushed?? Nope!

Kendall Knight to the rescue! He's about to (eventually) save the day by using the power of

Anger Management Issues

Yes, Kendall is going to aggressively sing and dance to a pop song at the big scary man, (plus give us the wonderful "Giant Turd" song), then start a physical altercation.

There he is. Gustavo's singing block of wood that he can set on fire. Though, this Kendall that we're seeing has a good deal of that fire already.

Which brings me to another topic that I'm sure I'll be touching on a lot: What happened to this version of Kendall??

Putting aside the fact that this episode has a different "feel" to it from the rest of the series (something I chalk up to the way it was filmed, the lack of sound effects, and the fact that first episodes do tend to differ a lot from the direction the remainder of a series will go in) this is still a very different Kendall Knight than the one we end up with in the show, especially in the later episodes.

I'm not necessarily complaining, because I love Kendall. I was always a Carlos girl crush-wise, but Kendall was my favorite character, and a lot of that had to do with how good-natured, goofy, and loving he was. It's a silly, fun show, and Kendall certainly fits into it.

HOWEVER! I think they really captured a fleeting glimpse of something unique with his character in this that I wish they would have stuck with. So far, we know that Kendall is the firmly established leader. He's the guy in charge; he solves the problems, gives the pep-talks, loves his friends, and just overall seems responsible. He's also unhinged. A music producer puts down one of his buddies, and Kendall goes from zero to being wrestled by security guards in a matter of ten seconds.

This is not something that just happens. What this tells me is that this is a personality trait that is already pretty ingrained and that has likely led him into similar scenarios before, especially if those situations have involved having to defend his friends. And there's no way Kendall hasn't been put in that scenario before. I watch that scene, and I see a kid who has flown off the handle like he does in that audition. I can see a Kendall who can't control his anger and gets into physical fights with peers and maybe verbal fights with adults even.

And maybe this is me thinking back too much on my BTR fanfic days (I didn't post any, but I read a WHOLE lot) but a big focus in a lot of them was Kendall's family situation/upbringing. The general consensus in the fandom was that Mr. Knight had likely abandoned his wife and kids when Katie was a baby, forcing Kendall into the "man of the house" role at the ripe age of like 6 or 7. He didn't have a choice but to become his mother's support system, a good male role model for his baby sister, the protector of his friends, etc. A natural side effect of all of that was the whole "I have to fix everything and hold everyone together all the time and keep everyone safe or else I WILL DIE" complex that he definitely has going on.

I'm rambling, but here's my point: This Kendall seems to have a little more depth to him than he will as we move forward in the show. They were on the track of having a loveable but troubled lead character here, and I'm not sure why they didn't lean into that. Could've provided some nice contrast to the fun shenanigans of the series.

*sigh* What could have been...

Getting back on track...the rest of the guys (and Mrs. Magicowski!) all join in on the fight and get brought back to the Knight house by the cops.

Kendall's line here kills me: "Mom! Remember that time I saved you from choking? Wow, that was close! And I love you."

He is so cute, I can't.

Mama Knight appears completely unfazed by this sight, which only makes me more convinced that this is just another normal night for her. She has absolutely opened up her door and seen her son standing with a police officer.

Also! Kendall mentions that he knows the Boyquake song from work, and if I'm remembering correctly, he's the only one of the four to have a job. That was another thing the fandom used to discuss in regards to Kendall needing to step up and help take care of his family.

I love Mrs. Knight, by the way. She's totally chill about the whole audition fiasco. She listens to them explain themselves, then just immediately moves on. You can tell that Kendall is being raised by a really loving, supportive mother who knows and trusts him.

Okay, I think I need to wrap this up again soon because it's getting ridiculous, but before I do, can I just say how much I love when Katie asks to hear the Giant Turd song and the guys all start singing it for her? There's not eye-rolling or annoyance or ignoring her like some teenage boys would be prone to do. They enthusiastically jump right in! They love Katie! Those are her four big brothers. They all feel like such a nice little family, and it gives me emotions. I am a SUCKER for found family, and BTR absolutely fits the bill in that area.

Well...I suppose that's it for now. When I was planning this blog, I was like, "Right, two posts for the first episode. Easy peasy." Wrong. I am only TWELVE minutes in. This is ridiculous. I am ridiculous. I derailed myself with a Kendall Knight analysis essay.

I hope those of you reading these posts are enjoying them. I'm certainly having fun writing them.

[mihai-florescu]

From the drafts, thoughts about enst. Lalala

You know what Matrix reminds me of? Beasts. Baby's first introduction to experiencing and opposing racism, respectively transphobia. And yet they are unfortunately needed considering the audience (clunky as they are, i'd be happy if they make people reconsider internalized beliefs they hadn't been aware of). The western fandom likes to think themselves superior but im gonna be honest, while the lessons are very much obvious, i still see racist and transphobic remarks even from people who think themselves above it, without even realizing it. Once you deem yourself unable to commit "the worst things morally" you stop questioning your capacity to internalize and perpetuate harmful beliefs. Because "only bad people think or do that" - it is such an incorrect way to view things, morality, life. "Those are things a bad person does and I am good, therefore I can't do it. Also bad people can't have any good traits." is a sentiment all to common seen in online fandom spaces, a result of black and white thinking, that stuns growth and stops discussions rather than solve anything.

At the same time, the writing itself is not above criticism and conversations could and should be had. Ive seen and had some great talks recently. I just wish people would understand the very basic depiction=/=endorsement before jumping in, or that good and bad parts can coexist, and above all, looking at it as a piece of fiction that functions as such (What is it trying to convey? How is it done? Is it effectiv? How? Why? Who is the audience? Rather than a wall of "Well i personally dont like it. so it's bad". Feelings are valid but it's a bit like white noise i'd like to look past into exploring the uncomfortable. Speaking of, I'd like to eventually post some drafts that could be seen as touching uncomfortable topics but it's still scary, it's easy to get misinterpreted). Anyway, i also think a story can't be judged while incomplete. I have been keeping to priv/ my phone notes mostly because i know i can get careless and catty especially under stress. Im curious to see how it's wrapped up and how things will be evolving going forward...

[kekkuda]

Part of the process of recovering from my first psychotic episode has involved revisiting all of the famous gothic horror literature i read and was fascinated by as a preteen and reading Poe has been a constant experience of yeah I’ve been there before buddy and it really does feel like he was ahead of his time in terms of presenting reality as inherently absurd in a way his peers didn’t often touch upon. People often stop their analysis at “Edgar Allan Poe utilizes unreliable narrators a lot” instead of going a bit further to put themselves in the shoes of the characters and asking what it feels like to live in an unreliable reality. Reading Poe stories feels so very melancholic at a moment in my life when I don’t know how to get care for these issues, whether or not I’m actually sound of mind or just convincing myself I’m losing touch with reality-- in other words “faking it.” Ever since the incident moments of joy and curious hobbies have gone from being seen by those around me as quirky hyperfixations to something more sinister and unwell. Others who I thought really cared for my health and safety seem to treat the revelation that I am “losing my mind, no literally. . . please let me tell you what happened” with the if i’m retelling the story of what flavor of soda i picked at the vending machine. It’s so alienating as if being terrified of your own mind and it’s capability to break apart the rules of reality isn’t alienating enough. I think Poe really captures that feeling I get when things are just a bit off until they crescendo into an event that seems massive and tiny and inconsequential all the same. I really can’t describe it because the fear I feel is unlike any other fear I’ve felt and you don’t know it until you’ve felt it and it clicks. Out of curiosity I wanted to see how well H.P. Lovecraft held up or if my distaste for his work was strictly from the knowledge of who the man was in life. The answer is no, it does not. Frankly I find it insulting that H.P. Lovecraft is put at the same level as Poe, far above the tens of Gothic writers that preceded him by decades to nearly a century. . . of whom Lovecraft would openly take influence from just to water down down everything that makes those works interesting. The “indescribable” horrors that Lovecraft describes are paradoxically comprehensible. I’ve had many discussions with my partner about why more grounded surrealist art feels far more surreal and uneasy than art that is comprised of endless “weird” imagery. To keep this topic brief, think something like David Lynch. His films are utterly bizarre compared to your average hollywood blockbuster, sure, but as far as surrealist media goes? His films are very grounded in reality, but that reality feels off and strange in a way that genuinely is indescribable. When I read Lovecraft on the other hand, it feels like he read a lot of gothic literature about the sublime, indescribably transcendent nature of the universe and replaced that with essentially. . . a big scary monster. When Lovecraft writes “indescribable” or other similar words as a descriptor for what his characters see, it feels akin to when 14 year olds discover the SCP wiki and think that the more you write REDACTED or [DATA EXPUNGED] the scarier the object of horror is. It feels lazy when you’re not given any other reason to feel afraid. When I read Dagon it feels like I’m reading an early 2010s creepypasta written by someone who hasn’t been writing long enough to analyze what makes something scary. It genuinely feels like someone trying to write what they think psychosis might be like. His stories are so inhuman (and not in the way he’s trying to achieve) and detached, and I never get the is it real or not feeling I get from older gothic stories dealing with notions of sanity and humanity’s role in the universe. I know the big spooky space creatures are real in the universe of the text, so I don’t really connect the Lovecraftian hero’s lapses of sanity. You don’t see the same tragic decay of mind and body and ill-fated social dynamics that permeate so many of Poe’s stories. I genuinely don’t know what purpose there is to be gained from the oft-quoted declaration that the core of Lovecraft is about uncovering knowledge you aren’t supposed to know. I frankly don’t know how you can separate the art from the artist for HPL when so much of his work seems to pretty clearly match up with antisemitic “secret global society” conspiracy theories that go back centuries upon centuries. Think about it for two seconds: the “terrible knowledge” that gets discovered is typically the existence of some all-powerful cosmic race that seems to hide itself at all costs and could possibly end humanity’s pitiful existence should they so choose to do so. So much of his work involves this utterly unsympathetic view of otherness as an “indescribable threat” in society whereas I think a lot of Poe’s writing really captures the terror of being othered at a time when the treatment of mentally ill and disabled people was at one of its all-time peaks. I might revisit this idea again when I’m not tired as shit but I think in all, Lovecraft feels almost boring. Nothing feels really impressive despite the scale of its horror. In some ways, Poe really feels almost shockingly similar to a lot of postmodern man-vs-reality narratives, whereas Lovecraft feels like he takes a lot of the same aesthetics of gothic literature and uses it to craft a narrative that is far more simplistic than it seems at first glance. It hardly even qualifies as a man-vs-god narrative prevalent in the time of the Illiad, but given HPL’s track record when it comes to respecting human beings it’s all just a bare bones black and white us-versus-them man-vs-man narrative. Now, art doesn’t have to be thematically complex to be good, but I find it a bit insulting when the man with the copy-paste self insert characters with the personality of soggy paper wants to profess understanding of profoundly existentialist, indescribable terror. . . and the vast majority of his work is just an allegory with a metaphor writing-hand heavier than CS Lewis’s own that gives me no insights about the world other than that he literally couldn’t get over the “indescribable” fear of “grug look different from ogg, grug bad!” dog you didn’t make a cosmic discovery you are literally the fuckin meme “men will smoke weed once and think they’re enlightened for discovering empathy” or whatever. i have more transcendental experiences railing twinks and cuddling with pretty girls talk about smth really indescribable!!!!! it’s fucking caveman shit. mf really would be writing shitty fanfic of shadow puppets if you locked him in the cave fr fr. prolly wouldn’t notice he’s in an allegory fr fr life is indescribable and that’s what makes it beautiful and tragic and precious just eat a cock like the rest of us instead ur scarin the hoes with your shitty octopus fursona!

[twopoppies]

Hi Gina! I’m having a little dilemma and am not sure what to do, I think I could really use a wise voice. I’ve been writing ever since I was a kid, being an author always sort of fascinated me. Then, years ago when I joined the fandom and overall became a fan girl I obviously wrote lots of fanfiction. I enjoyed it, sure, but after some time it became draining, kind of always circling around the same topic so I gave it up. Now I would like to write sort of a novel, still not sure what it would be about but I have lots of different ideas. I just don’t know what to do because I know it would take a lot of my time and when I actually sit and think about it I find it… pointless? Sort of. I know I would never have the guts to release it at any point in the near future and writing just for it to be done and forgotten somewhere deep in my computer files feels annoying. Like it won’t get me anything apart from me pouring my heart and soul into it. Eh, I don’t know. Whenever I ask someone from my family they say to go for it but it just doesn’t sit right for me. I’m not entirely sure if I’m explaining this right.

Hi, sweetheart. If you have a story you really want to tell, you should tell it. Writing is “fun” only about a tenth of the time IMO. It’s often really hard, frustrating, anxiety causing, and insecurity provoking. 😆 But even when I’m struggling with all of those things, I’m still itching to write because it’s creatively so fulfilling for me. If you feel anything like that, I think you should absolutely write. Publishing your work is only a part of writing and it’s not something everyone will do—even when they want to!

And, as far as that goes, why wouldn’t you try? I’m not saying it’s easy. It’s honestly super difficult for most people. But if you write something you love, why not put it into the world in some way or another so other people can read it, too? You can use a pseudonym if you feel shy about claiming your writing publicly. You can publish original fiction on sites like AO3, it doesn’t need to be fan fiction.

Last, your comment about not getting anything out of it besides pouring your heart and soul into it is interesting to me. I’m curious as to why that’s how you see it. I’ve only ever published my writing on AO3, but I’ve gotten so much out of doing it—I’ve made wonderful friends, gotten closer to others, touched people with my writing, gotten compliments that deeply touched me, seen myself get better and better at crafting stories (still working on getting even better), inspired both of my kids to start writing their own books… honestly, I’m so glad I took that first scary step (and my first fic was only 9K… you can dip your toe in the water, you don’t have to bang out War and Peace on your first go).

It’s lovely your family is supportive. Maybe you just need to sit down and really dig into what exactly isn’t “sitting right” with you.

[joy-of-life88]

Can I love again? [a Roman Reigns story] 16 Moving on

"Y/N? Do you have a few minutes for me?" Roman asked me as he joined us in the makeup corner.

I turned to him and smiled. Whenever he visited me during work, he instantly made my day so much brighter.

"Hold on just a moment." I said as I put the finishing touches on Liv's makeup.

I made sure her false lashes were properly set and then locked her look in place with setting spray. I quickly fanned off her face to dry the spray.

"Okay, Liv. All done." I said to Liv and watched her take a quick look in the mirror to see how she liked my work today.

"Thanks Y/N. Looking great, as always. See you later." she then replied, giving me a side hug before leaving us alone.

"I have 5 minutes until Sasha gets here. What can I do for you, Romeo? Just powder or a winged eyeliner?" I joked.

"The realtor called. He has a few houses he wants to show us. I just wanted to ask if it worked out that you have Friday off too." he explained to me as he wrapped his arms around me.

Time passed so quickly. In the meantime we had been together for almost a year. Sometimes it was hard for me to believe how much he influenced my life in a positive way. Things that were completely unthinkable to me a year ago didn't seem so scary anymore. I guess that's what happens when you meet the right person.

I was glad that I can talk with Roman about everything openly and honestly. Especially about the things that scared me. Like when we talked about moving in together. My first reaction was delight and excitement. I wanted to live with him to spend as much time together as possible. And we decided to look for a house near Roman's family. It just made the most sense considering how close he was with his family. And also I had now completely arrived in this crazy, big family.

Not only Roman's mom treated me like her own child, but also Roman's sisters had taken me completely into their hearts. I also felt like their little sister, if I was being honest, that was mainly because they were all over 6 feet tall.

The only thing that bothered me about the prospect of moving was the fact that I would be so far away from Eric and James. But Roman quickly managed to ease my mind. Being the sensitive, generous person that he was, he promised me that I could get on a plane and visit them anytime I wanted. Somehow this thought alone calmed me down a lot.

Roman accepted my past completely and he didn't mind talking about them. On the contrary. Often he asked me something about them. He understood that they would always be a part of me and I could not put into words how great I thought that was. I was aware that this was not a given.

The only time it caused me a little heartache was when the topic of babies came up. I mean, it was to be expected that at some point we would have to talk about it if our relationship was going to last. But I didn't expect it so soon. Just the thought of it made my throat tighten. It was a sensitive subject, no doubt. But the only thing that helped in this situation was to be honest. So I had to tell Roman that I was afraid it would feel like I was replacing Eric. I always wanted to have more children, but now? The thought of it was hard.

Roman understood what I meant when we sat down and I explained it to him. Somehow he managed to ease those fears as well. He told me that a baby would not be a replacement for Eric. Rather the opposite. It would be like getting a part of him back. And Eric would forever be the big brother and the guardian angel of our children.

It was such a wonderful thought to look at it that way. It gave me such great comfort. And it helped me a lot to guide my thoughts. But still I told him that I needed more time to think about it. One step at a time.

Now we would first look for a home together. It was a big step for me, but Roman gave me the confidence to go for it. The love I felt for this great man was such a blessing in my life. I didn't expect him and yet I didn't want to be without him.

"Yes, that all worked out. I'm really looking forward to it. If everything goes well, maybe we can celebrate Christmas in the new house. That would be nice." I replied as I snuggled up to him.

"Well, that would be really great, but that's only if we can decide on a house soon, angel." my Romeo said and then leaned down to give me a kiss.

"Oh guys! Get a room!" we heard Sasha say behind us and reluctantly broke away from each other.

"I wouldn't mind. Love you." He whispered in my ear and then winked at me.

"Naughty man. I'll see you later and I love you too." I replied laughing and then gave him a slap on his nice bum.

[hqsenvs3000w24]

Privilege and the role it plays

Privilege (working definition): an unearned advantage in life that allows an individual a head start, certain immunities and access to amenities without being questioned.

Privilege can be something you are born into or through social position.

I am someone who was born into privilege. I am a middle-class white woman, with two parents who have worked hard to ensure that I have access to as many opportunities as possible. Some of my privilege is through them and the comfortable life they granted my sister and me. But a lot of the privilege is simply through my race and my country. Growing up in a small, middle class town in Canada afforded me a wonderful, easy childhood, I participated in sports and hobbies outside of school, we went on road trips and spent our summers at my family cottage.

When I was younger I had no idea what privilege was, even though I was living a privileged life. But as I grew up I started to understand just how many opportunities I had and how my life compared to others simply because of the place and family I was born into. As an adult, I am still learning the extent of the privilege I was granted and how to be aware and present of the fact that it was unearned. I have done nothing to earn the privilege's I have; it was all luck.

Throughout my university career, I have taken several courses that have touched on the idea of privilege when it comes to interacting with nature, but this is definitely the first that has really dug into the meat of the concept. After reading over the content provided to us this week, I decided to do some additional research to back up what we covered. One study done in Toronto summed up the different types of privilege nicely and discussed the barriers to nature that many people experience. These included, physical, economical, language, cultural, knowledge, and psychological barriers (Scott & Tenneti, 2020). Many of these topics were covered in class, but I found that this assessment very helpful for a more thorough look into the types of barriers that so many people face.

I am lucky enough and have the privilege to never have experienced most of these barriers, and now I have the responsibility of acknowledging that privilege and working to be aware of it as I continue my journey in nature interpretation. Shared experience is a very strong tool for connection, and I am aware that I will have to work hard in order to interpret the natural world to others in a way that they understand, so that they can also make positive meaningful connections. One of the barriers that I hadn't really considered before was the psychological barrier. The study I mentioned above dove deep into discussing the role fear of crime and safety plays when individuals are out in natural environments (Scott & Tenneti, 2020). I have experienced this before, when I am walking alone, or hiking by myself. It is a funny feeling, because I have never been scared of being attacked by an animal, but another person. I drew on this experience when I was working up at SOES, as many of the student visiting had never been in a totally remote natural setting before without their families. Fear played a big part since they were so young, especially when we were trying new activities that they had never done before, like rock climbing or hiking in the woods. In those scenarios I would validate their fears, because it can be scary and then redirect them to show them they are in a safe space with friends and that we were all there together. I found that if I could get them back into the main group or walking with friends, it helped immensely, being around their peers, who also are experiencing this for the first time.

As I continue on in life, hopefully continuing my work in outdoor education, I will work hard to remember the privilege I grew up with and still have. I am grateful for the opportunities I have had and still have today and hope to make a positive difference in the lives of those who are experiencing the opportunity of exploring nature for maybe the first time.

All for now :)

Scott, J. L., & Tenneti, A. (2020.). Race and Nature in the City ENGAGING YOUTH OF COLOUR IN NATURE-BASED ACTIVITIES A Community-based Needs Assessment for Nature Canada’s NatureHood.

[arosejoy]

11-25-11 Photobooth In-home art studio East Side House, Saint Paul

Notice the top photo, hanging on the wall the three images. The first one, it has a deep, dark pigmented black and I still remember the feeling of the brush against the paper. That mixed media series remains one of my favorites to these days - perhaps there are 8-10 pieces within in; a story of setting free what words can not encapsulate. It's tucked away in the attic of my parents garage, along with the plethora of pieces that came out of those years of searching within to find where I had become lost in my own life.

I am at a time now where I can begin to look back and reflect outwardly the experiences of those years when I lived so deeply within my self after starting life over. It is not just time that allows these words I share, I will not give time that value. It is the hard work, and grit, determination, that having a second chance at life, NOT dying, means work as well as reward, extremely uncomfortable situations and feelings and processes, and learning to go through versus around, or over, or under or in any other way of complete avoidance. It eventually comes back in one way or another. Trauma does not hide. It will present itself at every opportunity. An opportunity also for me to confront, and see, and take in, and breath despite the truth.

Avoidance means safety, often, to the mind in a troubled dynamic with trauma. This was the case for me. There have been events in my life that were too much to look at directly. I had to learn to tap into these feelings and memories without allowing them to take me over. Creating was the first way I was able to even think of what had taken place in my life and begin to find a way to let it out of me. It was a safe space that I could begin to unravel the images that would stand out in my mind, suddenly coming out of nowhere memories evoked that had been so long hidden, making me feel unreal and out of touch. Flashbacks...I can't begin to explain how scary they are. Or, perhaps, I just don't care to divulge some of the scarier details, is more like it.

Even though I showed and shared this collection of art with people, hanging at cafes, and having openings and celebrations, I never actually talked about the paintings/pieces themselves. I didn't have words and would direct any topics very far away from the truth. In that time, I suppose I just wanted to share them because it was such a need within me to create them. I thought that even if I did not have the words, there must be others too who do not have the words and can relate in some way.

Now, however, I do have the words and abilities to speak of that part of my life. The healing is ongoing in my mind, something that never ends, it is just a living of life, however, I have done the intense work through brainspotting trauma therapy, primarily, as well as medication therapy and my general therapist who has seen me since the age of 18. The triggers, the activation points, the memories no longer hold me in place, frozen. They simply are.

Yes, if I do not care for my self I am much more susceptible to the CPTSD taking over. However, I can count on one hand the number of episodes within the last two years. Compare this to years of daily episodes, and episodes lasting days and weeks and months. I just did not know what was happening. The gratitude of finally receiving the help I needed still moves me. I am continuing to find ways to live a lifestyle that furthers the health and wellness of my self and my life. It endlessly intrigues me, this exploration, the condition of being human.

I'm reminded that we all live our stories. I'm reminded that I do have so much control of my story, and some of it just is what it is, and I can choose the lens in which I take the narrative to heart. What is the story I am telling my self?

[free write; unedited]

[enigmaticexplorer]

The momentum was strong in the last two chapters, so it was time for Kazi's concerns/fears/anxieties to reintroduce themselves into the story :)

I felt like a Victorian seeing an ankle for the first time

I'm going to be so honest, I love when stories have those non-sexual moments of physical attraction. They are quite literally my preference, and after the last two chapters establishing how much Kazi respects and trusts Wolffe, it only made sense for the physical attraction to come to light. But I didn't want to sexualize Wolffe, if that makes sense. My hope is that Kazi's physical attraction to him came across as her appreciating--and respecting--his body! Anyway, your comment made me laugh because I, too, felt the same way when writing it 😂

By any chance is Kazi characterised to be demisexual since her attraction is linked to the emotional/trust bond she has with potential partners?

To tell you the truth, I don't know much about the different types of sexuality. I did a quick search on demisexual and I guess one could argue that Kazi is demisexual? However, because I didn't know about this sexuality type, I didn't write Kazi with it in mind!

Also Alli please know that because I have been reading this series the topic of swimming has been coming up often enough that it made me go find a pool to swim in lmaooo

I'm so sorry but this killed me 😂 Good for you, though, for swimming! It can be a great workout, but it can also be a fun, relaxing activity to get you out of your head! I used to love swimming in the ocean so full support for swimming!

It's nice that he has his own morning routine, and I like the overlap he has with Kazi because it's deliberate?

YES. One thing I wanted to make sure of--and that I struggled with--was giving the men their own lives. It's hard since everyone cohabitates, but I didn't want their lives to suddenly center around Kazi/Daria/Neyti. So Wolffe making his own routine, having his own garden, having his own space, having his own time with his brothers was important to me. And I know we don't get to see that often since most scenes are dedicated to Kazi and Wolffe spending time together, but it's there! In the background lol. (Sometimes I forget that Kazi works all day, too, so it's not like they're spending all day, every day together haha.) And yes--it is deliberate that he spends part of his morning with Kazi. Initially because he didn't trust her. And then because he didn't have anything else better to do. And then because he sees her as a friend and wanted to spend time with her.

sbdjsbdajs she's so awkward!

She really is, and I can't even blame her, because her whole thought process is "no I'm not checking you out; I don't want your ego to get inflated." 😂 Anyway, it has to be a shock for her to see Wolffe shirtless because 1) she hasn't been around any males in years where she would be in that position, but 2) this is Wolffe. A friend. Someone she lives with. Someone she thinks she's developing feelings for (which is scary). And suddenly he's just shirtless? It's such a shock to see haha.

He *knows* she wouldn't be able to handle knowing how he feels I'm so sure of it!

Oh, Wolffe. His attempts to "protect" Kazi from her feelings are part of the reason they had their little fallout at the end of this chapter. His intention is great, but the execution could use a little work haha.

also he was SO respectful about asking if he could help

I'm a sucker for nonsexual touches and Wolffe tying Kazi's dress is a fav of mine. I wanted him to be respectful before touching her because I envision all of the clones like that. We a similar interaction in "A Muse 3"! But, especially for Kazi, him asking to touch her shows how much he understands and respects her boundaries.

Alli this section is going to be used for my cause of death cause I am swooning right now jesus these two are going to be the death of me

😁 - just me grinning because they have killed me so many times at this point haha. Anyway, I'm glad you're liking the slowness and softness and Wolffe's hesitancy!

Reinforces my thoughts that Wolffe is incredible gentle with her ans he's literally the only man she'll allow to touch her.

Gentle!Wolffe is my favorite Wolffe! I know the fandom loves to classify Wolffe as the dominant, kinda-rough type, and while I've had my moments where I love reading one-shots/fics of him portrayed that way, I wanted this story to tap into his softer/gentler side. His TBB S3's appearance confirmed, for me, that there is more depth to him than the fandom--and me--at times have given him. I just really wanted Wolffe in this story to be so mindful and respectful and careful in how he interacts with Kazi. I love him haha.

I think I want to sit Kazi down, tell her she's loved and she needs to open up 😅 but she's been told it so many times it's one of those things where she has to figure it out by herself 🥺

All of this. It's so hard when you love someone who can't see that they are valued, loved, appreciated, etc. I know I've been that difficult person for my friends, and in hindsight, it's so obvious. But, for Kazi, when she's spent a majority of her life not believing in her "goodness," she's quick to dismiss when people compliment her. Unfortunately, this is a big theme of the story and won't be going away anytime soon, as annoyingly repetitive as it is...

WOLFFE DOESN'T LOSE I'M ON THE FLOOR HE'S GOING TO GET THROUGH TO HER IF IT'S THE LAST THING HE DOES

YES. YES. YES. That's exactly why I put that line in there! He's dropping hints about his personality and sorry, Kazi, but he doesn’t lose!

Omg Kazi was so fucken rude to him 🫣 and he's making her take them anyway 😂

The worst part is that Kazi knows she was rude. She knows she overreacted and was mean. It's a major flaw of hers, and something she needs to work on haha.

Your note on Jason made me laugh 😂

Oh Kazi Babygirl I can't defend you on that one 😂 Wolffe is *right there* he's probably so fucking hurt by that!! And he's scowling at her for good reason!

Yup. Cannot defend Kazi on this one, and she knows it, too. Deep down, she knows she fucked up. Chapter 22 (I think) explains what the hell just happened and why she reacts this way--why she does stuff like this! But, since that chapter is yet to come, I will say that it's a protective measure. A cruel protective measure.

Omg I feel like their relationship has been shot right back to the beginning with this 😭

If it's any reassurance, we are nearing the halfway mark, and big things are coming. And while Kazi and Wolffe may fight, it's just a few steps back, not a complete restart :)

I've said this before, I'll say it again, I love your comments so much. Truly, they mean everything to me. I can't thank you enough for giving this story a chance and for sticking with it. 🤍

I Yearn, and so I Fear - Chapter XIII

Masterlist | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

General Summary. Nearly a year since the Galactic Empire’s rise to power, Kazi Ennari is trying to survive. But her routine is interrupted—and life upended—when she’s forced to cohabitate with former Imperial soldiers. Clone soldiers. 

Pairing. Commander Wolffe x female!OC

General Warnings. Canon-typical violence and assault, familial struggles, terminal disease, bigotry, explicit sexual content, death. This story deals with heavy content. If you’re easily triggered, please do not read. For a more comprehensive list of tags, click here.

Fic Rating. E (explicit)/18+/Minors DNI.

Chapter Word Count. 6.2K

Beta. @starstofillmydream

6 Yelona

Attraction wasn’t something Kazi experienced from physical appearance. 

Obviously, she appreciated the physicality of certain men—the proportions of their body, certain features, healthy fat distribution. She knew physically attractive men existed. 

However, true attraction, for her, followed a set of steps. 

The first step: respect. Even the most physically attractive man lost all appeal if he was neither respectful nor respectable. A man who proved himself worthy of her respect—who demonstrated integrity, honesty, reliability—was a man she could then trust.

Thus, the second step.

It was trust that quieted the logical part of her brain and allowed her to access the emotional side. Only then could she determine a man’s attractiveness.

As was her current dilemma. 

Frozen between the partition of the living area and the sunroom, Kazi blinked at the sight before her. Specifically the half-naked man in her kitchen.

Damp from her shortened swim—menstrual cramps forced her to quit the lake early—she didn’t know what to do.

In the kitchen, Wolffe was preparing the lumina berries. The same berries she had prepared for months before he decided to intercede. They hadn’t discussed it. Each morning, when she retrieved the individual bowls of sliced and chunked berries, she didn’t question their prepared state and Wolffe pretended nothing was amiss. 

Something about the situation felt significant. So Kazi ignored it. 

Except she couldn’t ignore it in this moment. Because her damn cramps had deviated her from her meticulously-structured routine.  

Now she not only had confirmation Wolffe was the perpetrator of the prepared berries, but she also learned something new: He worked in the kitchen shirtless. 

His physical state was hardly a problem. The main level was a shared space, and he clearly had his own morning routine separate from their brief overlap. He was allowed to exist in the kitchen in whatever physical capacity he felt comfortable.  

But she hadn’t expected him to be shirtless. 

Consternation twisted alongside her worsening cramps. 

Maybe she should wait on the back porch for twenty minutes and then return when she was expected. They could continue to pretend that he didn’t prepare the berries— 

“Ennari?”

Fuck.

Pretending she hadn’t stood beneath the partition for minutes debating whether or not she should hide outside, Kazi approached the kitchen. Wolffe observed her through narrowed eyes, arms folded across his chest. The moment she reached the bar—their positions switched from their usual routine—he glanced at the chrono on the wall. His shoulders stiffened slightly. 

“I couldn’t swim any longer,” Kazi said. Her tone carried an apologetic note and she nearly rolled her eyes. They were adults; they could discuss the berry situation maturely.

Beneath the intensity of his gaze, her face felt warm. Too warm. 

She decided she didn’t want to discuss the berry situation.

“I think I’m going to go into work earlier.” She played with the tucked flap of her towel. “I’ll take off early so Neyti can see the beginning of the Festival. Fehr said it’s something kids like.”

Wolffe leaned against the counter, the move unhurried and just as effortless as his appearance. Her eyes flitted down his body in a quick assessment.

“Do you want me to take Neyti to school?”

Healthy fat padded his stomach muscles. Dark hair trailed from his lower stomach to his gray sweats. Lines cut into his hips.

“Ennari.”

“You want to take Neyti to school?” she said slowly.

The corner of his lip twitched. “That’s what I said.”

She frowned. “Why would you do that?”

“You said you’re going into work early.” An arrogant smirk curved his mouth. Amusement lit his features. “Are you feeling alright? Temperature too warm?”

Throwing him a bland look, she nodded at the berries. “Why do you prepare those every morning?”

Former amusement darkened into discomfort. A muscle flexed in his jaw and Wolffe stilled, a subtle warning in his face.

“I’m more than capable of preparing breakfast for Neyti and myself,” she added. 

A taunt underscored her blasé tone, and Wolffe breathed a low chuckle. He ran his tongue along his teeth, regarding her with a calculated look that made her blood heat.

“Answer my question,” he finally said. “Do you want me to take Neyti to school?”

She rubbed her arm. “If you don’t mind—”

“I don’t.” 

“Thank you.” She tilted her head to the side, quirking an eyebrow. “Now answer my question.”

“No.” Wolffe turned away, retrieving the knife he had set aside, and concentrated on the lumina berries. 

Kazi glowered at the sculpted planes of his back. 

Muscles lined his shoulders and arms. Muscles that spoke to years of arduous training. His back was a map of physical adeptness sketched with an array of white and faded scars. Black ink encircled his left arm from wrist to shoulder, its design purposeful.

“Why not?” she demanded. “Maybe I should make your caf and see how you like my interference—”

“Drop it.” 

Wolffe scowled at her over his shoulder. The muscles along his body were tensed, and he exhaled a harsh breath, setting aside the knife and closing the space between them. He stopped before her. 

Her heart stuttered in her chest. Droplets of water fell from her hair and shivered down her overheated skin.

Lowering his face to hers, Wolffe calmly, quietly said, “You’re not ready for that conversation.”

With that, he sidestepped her and approached the bookcase. 

Bewildered, she stared at his retreating body. “What does that even mean?” He ignored her and she scoffed. “You can’t just leave in the middle of a conversation—”

The white, peeling bookcase snapped back in place. Her dragon figurine, its scales blacker than a stormy night, regarded her, its maw parted in a teasing grin, like it shared in a secret she didn’t yet know.

Early evening sunlight emphasized the charcoal lines of Neyti’s sketch. 

The scratching noise of the little girl’s stylus filled the silence of the main level. Wiping down the kitchen’s counters—a last-minute decision to try and calm her nerves concerning the upcoming Festival—Kazi washed her hands and then leaned against the counter. 

From her vantage point, she watched Neyti sketch. Her tongue poked out the side of her mouth as she corrected the finer details of a young boy’s face. 

Who the boy was, Kazi didn’t know. Though she had a sneaking suspicion based on the scar on his chin. 

Her gaze slid to the kitchen windows. Outside, a downed tree rested along the jungle’s border. Fox had spent the entire afternoon felling the tree and then lugging it back to the house. Its purpose eluded Kazi, and he refused to answer her questions, but he seemed to have found a new project outside of his usual carvings. 

A glance at the chrono confirmed it was still too early to leave for the Festival. Half an hour remained. 

Originally, Kazi wanted to avoid the Festival’s festivities and locals. Years had passed since she last attended a holiday celebration and she wasn’t keen to begin anew. Large crowds, drunk people, tight spaces. It lacked appeal. 

But a majority of the locals would attend, including Neyti’s classmates, and Kazi wanted Neyti to experience something outside the mundane of everyday life. Even if these festivities differed from Ceaian tradition. 

Still, she found herself rubbing her clammy palms together to stifle her apprehension. This was an opportunity to socialize. To interact with Neyti’s classmates’ parents and make a good impression, an impression that would reflect positively on Neyti. 

The simple dress she wore—cream colored and decorated with abstract floral designs—was light and airy, its style recommended by Fehr to “blend in” with the locals. The thin material hugged her waist, falling to her upper thigh. She hadn’t worn a dress in a long time, and she had forgotten how much she liked them.

Then again, her first partner loved when she wore dresses. She was a body to be perceived. A younger body. A younger body for the male nearly two decades her senior to look at and touch and fuck—

Stiffening, Kazi glanced at the chrono again. They still had twenty-seven minutes until they needed to leave. 

Running her hands down her dress, she decided its straps were too uneven. The left side was too tight. She untied the thin strings of her strap and readjusted. 

The positioning was awkward, the readjustment difficult, and sweat started to slick her spine. Frustration clenched her jaw. She blew a loose strand of hair from her face. A finishing bow completed the knot.

The damned strings remained uneven. She tried again. 

Her appearance tonight mattered—professional yet friendly, more easy-going than aloof. She needed to be composed, a good listener with witty remarks. She needed to be warm and approachable. She needed to be perfect. And she should eat before so no one saw her—

The bookcase swung open. 

Tensed and flustered, Kazi regarded Wolffe as he emerged from the steep stairs. Water shimmered in his dark curls and his face looked dewy, freshly moisturized from a shower. He wore his usual attire, and a dark gray poncho rested in the crook of his elbow. 

Pausing her failed attempts, she glanced at his poncho. “Are you joining us?” 

“Fox is paranoid with safety concerns.” Wolffe rolled his eyes. Kazi pursed her lips to smother her amusement, deciding against mentioning his blatant hypocrisy. “Cody and I agree he’s being unreasonable. We’re all going.”

“Oh.” A hint of relief quieted her former nerves. She looked him over. “Have you ever been to a Harvest Festival? Or any holiday celebration, for that matter?”

The corner of his lip quirked. “Never.”

Trying to casually correct her dress’ strings, she asked, “What holidays do you celebrate?”

“Dunno. It’s never crossed my mind before.” 

The barest perceptible amusement dried his words. He took a step closer. 

“By the way,” she said conversationally, hoping he didn’t notice her inability to fix her dress. “I stopped by the Marketplace and picked up a seedling fertilizer.”

Another step closer and Wolffe frowned. “Seedling fertilizer?”

“For your garden.” His confused silence demanded an answer and she shrugged. “I noticed some of your plants have dry patches so I asked one of the parents at Neyti’s school for advice. He’s a farmer, and he told me the problem most likely derives from the intensity of the sun’s rays. So he recommended this fertilizer. Like sunscreen, but for plants.”

Sometime from when she first started speaking to now, Wolffe had closed the distance between them. He stood as close as he had that morning. Close enough individual water droplets in his curls caught her attention. 

Bemusement scrunched his features. “You got fertilizer for my garden?”

It was her turn to frown. “Yes?”

“I’m surprised you thought of me.” The confession was quiet, carrying an undertone of surprise and something softer. Wolffe searched her face and then dipped his chin to her shoulder. “May I?”

The rasp in his voice slid down her spine like a rough caress. Her nod derived mostly from shock at his offer rather than actual acceptance, and though they already stood so close, Wolffe closed the little distance remaining. 

Warm knuckles grazed the top of her shoulder. Her heart skipped a beat and she bit the inside of her cheek, forcing herself to keep still.

Wolffe looped the strings of her dress in a methodical approach. His movements were unhurried, intentionally slow, as if he were uncomfortable tying the strings. But she had seen him work in his garden, seen him slice the lumina berries, seen him fix things that required a careful, practiced touch. His fingers were deft in their capabilities, and he was more than capable in tying her dress. 

Each skim of a knuckle to her bare shoulder heated her blood. She fought the urge to shiver. 

“I can’t believe you’ve never celebrated any holidays,” she murmured.

His fingers stilled for a moment and then resumed. “We didn’t have that sort of luxury.”

Tensing at the curtness in his tone, she flattened her palm to the counter, soaking in its coolness. Wolffe sighed, his exhale somewhat annoyed. A slow, controlled caress of his hand brushed along her shoulder and behind her neck, as if he were trying to smooth away her tension.

Her fingers curled into the chilled counter.

“Holidays were meaningful to my family and me,” she said, watching the evening sunlight flit across the walls. “They’re some of my best memories with my parents. I can’t imagine growing up without them.”

“I didn’t have much of a childhood.”

“No, I guess you didn’t.”

A gentle tug and the white strings were tied, completed in a tiny bow matching the other. Prepared to thank him, Kazi turned around but her words faltered.

Their chests were brushing. The heat of his body sunk into hers. She could see a faded scar indented into the dark skin above his lip. The top clasps of his button-down work shirt were unfastened, and she thought back to that morning. Thought about the muscles toning healthy fat and the trail of dark hair down his stomach. 

A fleeting desire encouraged her to press her hand to his chest. To feel the beat of his heart and the heat of his skin.

Ignoring the thought, she angled her head back to meet his gaze. 

Thick lashes framed his eyes and he blinked at her, unrushed yet assessing. His gaze dipped from hers to her shoulder, hesitation lined his features, and she understood why a second later when he tentatively flattened his hand to her shoulder, his thumb circling her skin in an agonizingly slow caress. He studied her in a private, intimate manner.

Disquiet ghosted down her spine and she swallowed.

A piece of her wanted him to touch her more. To slip her dress’s straps from her shoulders and touch the bare skin it revealed. 

A piece of her wanted him to lower his calloused hand to her breast and feel her. To slide his hands down her spine and hold her close, hold her tight enough she couldn’t run. 

But another piece of her feared those wants. 

Touching turned into nakedness, turned into sex, and sex hurt. 

And even though it had been five years, she remembered the pain. She remembered her stupid hope it would feel better the more she did it, and the resigned agony when it didn’t. 

She was scared to be intimate with another man, and she was even more scared of disappointing someone she wanted to be with. 

It was all so stupid to consider, anyway. 

There was nothing between her and Wolffe. She was overreacting. Creating a false narrative because she hadn’t felt a man’s touch like this before.  

Wolffe brushed his thumb along her shoulder to her collarbone. His eyes shifted from hers, to her lips, and back.

All she could remember was the pain. The way her body never adjusted and the shame she endured knowing something was wrong with her—

“Neyti!” 

Her exclamation earned a nonplussed jerk from Wolffe. Disregarding the confusion on his face and the silent question in the narrowing of his eyes, Kazi stepped away from his touch. From him. His fingers twitched once but he immediately released her. He backed away to the opposite counter, his expression guarded, and crossed his arms.

Kazi looked toward the table, to the little girl. To her salvation. Neyti stared curiously at her, and she mustered a tight smile.

“Do you want to get your gifts?” 

A toothless yet excited grin lit Neyti’s face and she closed her sketchbook, hurrying toward the garage. Reemerging with a meshed bag, she cautiously approached Wolffe. He cocked his head to the side. A tiny hand disappeared into the bag and returned with a pale orange, tear-drop shaped fruit. 

Wolffe considered the outstretched fruit. Hesitation lined his features but soon softened, and to Kazi’s surprise, he knelt before Neyti, the height difference between him and the little girl humorously noticeable. 

With a small smile, he accepted the fruit, murmuring a quiet “Thank you.”

Bashfully, Neyti hid her face in her shoulder and retreated to Kazi’s side. 

“It was Neyti’s idea,” Kazi said, running a hand through Neyti’s hair. Wolffe returned to his full height, peeling the fruit. He regarded her with a careful expression, and she tried not to blush. “It is tradition, after all.”

Either oblivious to the lie or uncaring of it, Neyti hefted the bag higher. Kazi released a mirthful chuckle and gestured for Neyti to lead the way outside. She pretended she didn’t see the knowing look Wolffe levelled on her—the look that clearly said It wasn’t the kid’s idea.

Outside, Kazi oversaw Neyti gift Fox, Cody, and Nova a citrus-star. Their confusion led to her retelling the tradition, and each of them shared a piece of their citrus-star with Neyti who dutifully ate her share.  

The sun continued its downward arc, settling behind the jungle’s rolling hills, the sky a burnished copper. 

Aware of the waning time, Kazi ushered everyone back inside. Neyti returned to her sketch while the men prepared for the Festival. 

The brief lull gave Kazi the opportunity to check on Daria, her sister suffering a migraine. A symptom Healer Natasha claimed was normal for this stage. Still, she worried Daria’s lack of proper medication the last few months had accelerated her disease past a point of medicinal control.

Closed shades darkened Daria’s room. A handful of seconds passed as Kazi grew accustomed to the darkness, discerning her sister from the lump of bed sheets and quilt. 

“Do you need any pain relief?” she asked softly, stepping next to the bed.

Lying on her side, staring vacantly at the opposite wall, Daria shook her head. 

Kazi scanned her sister’s room, noting the new succulent she had gifted Daria. The plant was a random purchase from the Marketplace last week when she bought the citrus-stars. 

A blue stem with a handful of dark purple blossoms, the tiny plant provided a splash of color among the dominantly green succulents. She was surprised her sister had grouped the new succulent with the others. Daria preferred aesthetic organization and the succulent’s random coloration disrupted the cohesiveness of the grouped plants.

Awkwardly fiddling with a braid, Kazi offered Daria the final citrus-star from the bunch. “I know it’s not Ceaia’s harvest time, but I thought we could celebrate.”

Silence succeeded her offer, fermenting like an unwanted stench. She searched her sister’s face—for a twinge of acknowledgement or kindness or ephemeral interest—but Daria remained unmoving, apathetically disinterested.

“I can peel it,” Kazi said, “and we could share it.”

Finally, Daria shifted her attention from the blank wall to the citrus-star. For a stilted moment, she observed the fruit. Her upper lip curled and she turned away, pulling the thick quilt around her shoulders. “I’m not interested in meaningless gifts.”

Dropping her hand to her side, Kazi accepted the dismissal with a resigned nod. 

It was a pathetic attempt on her part, anyway.

Eight bonfires blazed among the ferny clearing of Hollow’s Town’s park. The night sky was clear and stars shimmered their mirth alongside the floating lights strung along and between thick trees.  

People milled about, laughter a harmony to the twangy music of the band. 

A maypole adorned with bioluminescent silver flowers and strung with streamers of dark green and blue stood as a focal point. The sprouted flowers revealed a honeyed center. Their color and unique petals drew Neyti to them like a bee to pollen.

Glasses of ale—a staple from the local brewery—were passed among patrons. Tables boasted various competitions: the largest vegetable, the best-tasting fruit, the most unique crossbreed, the best presentation.  

Carnival games—droid darts, planetary ring toss, vibroblade throws—garnered the attention of younglings and competitive adults alike. 

Near an outer bonfire, Kazi smothered her amusement as she watched Cody and Fox compete at a vibroblade throw game. Nova watched from the side, waiting to play whoever won. According to Wolffe, he was the best at handling blades. 

Though Nova appeared at ease, his eyes darted across the park, a hand casually resting against the blaster strapped to his thigh and hidden beneath his poncho. The other men each carried as well. And while their moods were sportive, their vigilance was unwavering. 

Sipping from her glass of ale, Kazi wrinkled her nose. Wolffe snorted and she scowled at him. 

“I don’t understand why you bother with it if you don’t like it,” he said, drinking from his own glass. He seemed to like the ale, judging by the fact this was his fourth glass. 

“It’s not bad,” she said.

Wolffe’s unimpressed look called her bluff.

The truth: One of Neyti’s classmate’s mother offered her the glass. Wanting to appear friendly and personable, Kazi accepted the drink and then joined the woman, whose name evaded her, and a few others in conversation. 

The parents were either self-centered about their younglings, or disappointed, reverting to patronizing jokes to hide their own frustrations. Slow sips of her ale resulted in her downing half the glass by the time she caught sight of Wolffe and excused herself from the group. 

A quick scan of the field revealed Neyti playing a hopping game with one of her classmates. Based on her concentration, she had no plans to lose. 

“Cody mentioned you might not join the upcoming mission,” Kazi said, returning her attention to Wolffe.

He straightened, rolling his shoulders back. “I’m considering it.”

His guarded demeanor told her he wouldn’t answer more questions about it, so she switched topics.

“I have time off from work in three days.” Pretending to study the amber ale in her glass, she slid a sidelong glance in his direction. “I was planning on taking Neyti hiking. If you don’t go on the mission, you could join us.”

Originally, she wasn’t going to invite him. There was a line she didn’t want to cross, a professional boundary, and, if she were being honest with herself, she didn’t want to endure his possible rejection. But a part of her was hoping he wouldn’t mind spending time outside the house with her and Neyti. 

Wolffe blinked his surprise. Kazi steadied herself for the rejection—

“I’ll be there.”

Shock coursed through her veins, but she kept her features neutral, instead, smiling smally and nodding her acknowledgement. A service droid passed by and she set aside her half-finished drink, Wolffe doing the same. She glanced at Cody and Nova who were taking turns at the vibroblades.

“You didn’t want to compete against them?” she asked. “Too afraid you’d lose?”

A slow smirk spread across his face. “I know how to play to my strengths. And I don’t lose, Ennari.”

For some reason, his words sounded like a warning and she searched his face for the answer to a question she didn’t yet know. His gaze burned hot against hers. Hotter than the nearby bonfire; hotter than the ale she had managed to keep down. 

She wanted to look away; she wanted to step into him; she wanted to change the subject; she wanted to lift her hand to his face and trace his rounded jawline; she wanted to run.

Too many conflicting thoughts and emotions fought within her. She didn’t know which to heed. 

To her relief and disappointment, Wolffe broke their stare, reaching into a pocket of his trousers. He retrieved a small, dark brown packet. Hesitation squared his shoulders and he cleared his throat, extending the packet to her.

“They’re seeds,” he said. 

“Seeds?” He nodded as she appraised the packet. “For what?”

“You said it’s tradition.” He looked mildly embarrassed, awkward. With another clearing of his throat, he reached for her hand. “They’re for you.”

She jerked her hand away, shaking her head. “But I didn’t get you anything.”

Wolffe frowned. “I don’t care—”

“I don’t want them.” Her words came out antagonistic and rude. She winced.

The packet of seeds breached the space between them. Wolffe narrowed his eyes and she looked away.

It was thoughtful. Too thoughtful. If she had known he was getting her something she would have prepared. She would have bought him something. 

“I didn’t get you anything,” she repeated, rubbing her chest to quiet her unease. “I’m sorry.”

“I have a hard time believing Neyti was that thoughtful with her gift.” Wolffe scoffed, a hard edge to his voice. 

Tension pinched her skin and Kazi shook her head, trying to think. Trying to rein her growing emotions.

The smoke from the bonfire was too suffocating. 

Harsh laughter and squeals of younglings pounded inside her head. 

She rubbed her hands together, hugging her arms to her stomach. 

She stared at the packet of seeds. Her muscles were too cramped. Too tight.

Huffing an unamused breath, Wolffe reached for her hand again, and when she tried to pull away, he gripped her tighter, placing the packet of seeds in her palm. 

“I got this without the intention of receiving a gift in return,” he said, curling her fingers around the packet. “They cost me nothing.”

“It’s the thought behind the gift,” she murmured. His thumb stroked the back of her hand, swift and light, before he released her. She swallowed. “Thank you.” 

He gave a short nod. 

She lifted the packet to the fire, trying to see inside. “Are they seeds for a vegetable or fruit?”

“Plant them and you’ll find out.” 

Pocketing the seeds, she tried to read his expression. His disgruntled scowl told her he hadn’t expected her reaction, and he was annoyed. Or disappointed. Probably both. 

Chagrined, she dropped her gaze to the crackling logs of the fire. The snaps of the burning logs sounded like chattering skeletons teasing her. They told her what she already knew: She had overreacted. 

It wasn’t a surprise. She tended to overreact when she believed she wasn’t doing enough—being enough. 

But gift-giving on Ceaia—between a non-related male and female—was considered a mark of courtship. Usually, the gift presented was a collection of three flowers, each representing a distinguishing personality trait. 

The custom was old but Kazi had found it somewhat endearing. One of the few customs she appreciated. 

“Thank you,” she repeated. Her eyes remained on his, and she hoped he could at least hear the sincerity in her voice—the vulnerability and gratitude. 

He stepped closer. “I have a packet—”

“Kazi?”

The male voice startled her enough she flinched, spinning around to face the person. An orange glow from the bonfire’s flames licked at the approaching male. A few confident strides closer and she made out light brown hair, darker skin, and an impeccably tailored suit. 

The name popped into her head. “Jason.”

Jason smiled. “You remembered.”

It wasn’t an impressive feat.  

From the networking events, balls, and cocktail parties her mother forced her and Daria to attend, Kazi was accustomed to memorizing names, businesses, and every bit of gossip she overheard. Her mind contained a bookshelf of categorized, useless facts concerning certain individuals. It didn’t matter how many years passed, she remembered the most minute details. 

And it was one of the reasons she excelled at analytics. 

“I’m surprised you remember me,” she said, considering Jason warily.

“It’s hard to forget someone like you.”

The muted scoff from behind reminded her of their audience and she forced a tight smile. Jason’s gaze remained on her face, not even bothering with Wolffe. 

“I’ve been wanting to speak with you. To apologize.” Jason took a step closer, a grimace on his face. “It was my understanding you had agreed to our dinner. It wasn’t my intention to blindside you.”

Wincing at the memory, Kazi clasped her hands behind her back. Her fingers brushed against a pair of trousers and her cheeks warmed. 

“I was caught off-guard,” she said. Keenly aware of the quiet man to her back and the one who stood a bit too close in front, she released an awkward laugh. “Well, it was nice to see you—” 

“I was wondering…” Jason tossed her a sheepish grin. “Would you be interested in stepping away and getting a drink?”

Either Jason lacked basic observational skills or he was self-assured enough he didn’t care about Wolffe’s presence. 

Softening her smile, she started to shake her head. “Thank you, but—”

“I don’t want to be too forward,” Jason interrupted, “but I was interested by you at dinner. I would like to start over.”

“Oh?” Kazi breathed a dismayed chuckle. “I thought I was antagonistic and rude.”

He laughed. “You were quiet, but I didn’t take it to be antagonistic.”

Polite earnestness crinkled his eyes and she internally grimaced. The need for distance encouraged her to step back, to allow some breathing room between her and Jason’s advances. She backed into something hard.  

Wolffe didn’t move. Didn’t even flinch at the connection between their bodies. 

To her utter perplexity, he pressed closer, the heat of his chest palpable through her loose sweater. A graze of his fingers on her elbow seemed his attempt to remind her he was there.  

Her movement finally drew Jason’s attention to Wolffe. Lacking suspicion or annoyance, Jason scanned Wolffe with an air of indifference. 

Kazi had seen those looks at the few marriage balls she attended. A perusal of one suitor to determine if another suitor was a threat or could be turned into an ally. A perusal to assess the situation and determine if a woman could be convinced away from the suitor currently courting her. 

Obviously, the comparison was an exaggeration since Wolffe wasn’t courting her. But Jason didn’t know that.  

Straightening, Kazi inclined her head to Jason. 

“I’m sorry, but I’m not interested in exploring anything at this time.” Her tone remained kind, practiced. “I have duties that require my attention and I don’t have the time or the capacity to pursue something.”

Though somewhat crestfallen, Jason accepted her rejection with an air of grace. His smile, while disappointed, was understanding. 

“Raising a youngling does require time and attention,” he said. His gaze shifted between her and Wolffe. “I wish you both the best of luck.”

“Oh—no.” Kazi moved away from Wolffe. Her laugh was strained as she looked between a wary Wolffe and a confused Jason. “We’re not—no. It’s just my sister, Neyti, and me.”

Jason blinked his surprise. “Apologies, I must have misunderstood.”

“It’s okay,” she said. “It was nice seeing you.” 

As soon as the night’s shadows engulfed Jason, Kazi released a shaky breath. 

The air between her and Wolffe thickened with an awkwardness heated by the nearest bonfire. A lick of sweat dribbled down her spine and she lifted her hair off her neck in an attempt to cool her body. 

Beneath the orange light of the bonfire, she regarded Wolffe. His brows were drawn together in calculation, and his mouth was downturned in disapproval. Or maybe it was doubt.

A pop from the bonfire jumped her heart and she released her hair, rubbing her hands together. An odd amount of tension was pulling taut in her shoulders, knotting in her stomach. She needed to move. To do something to escape the awkward development—

“Is that a common occurrence?”

The gruff question yanked her from her thoughts and she frowned. “What?”

“Arranged marriage dates.” Wolffe sounded offended by the words.

“No. Not for me, at least.” The hard look in his face demanded further explanation and she sighed. “It’s tradition on Ceaia and some other planets in the Outer Rim. It’s not as common out here as it is in the Inner Rim.”

At a table nearby, she caught sight of his brothers. Hoods covered their faces as they listened to a handful of drunks slurring stories of exaggerated adventures. A hasty survey of the clearing located Neyti. The little girl stood beside the maypole, playing a bag-toss game with a boy her age.  

“Some people don’t know any better,” she said, nudging a few pieces of ash that had landed at her feet. “When you’re raised that way from birth, it seems normal and acceptable. But I didn’t grow up that way. At least, not initially. When my father died, my mother forced Daria and me into that lifestyle, but I never liked it.”

“Your sister subscribes to it.”

Kazi scoffed. “My mother’s doing. Daria was so young when our father died and she was always closer to our mother. She didn’t know any better. But I struggled. The thought of an arranged marriage scared me. I wanted something—”

She cut off, biting the inside of her cheek. Her aspirations in a partner weren’t his business.

“You wanted something real,” Wolffe continued for her. And though he said it like a statement, it was underscored by a question. Curiosity. 

“Customary courtship determines if people are compatible for marriage,” she said. “And while I agree it’s necessary to determine if you and your partner are compatible in life, traditional compatibility is based on physical appeal and what a partner can offer, completely ignorant of one’s personal beliefs, morals, and ambitions. It emphasizes duty, and ignores emotional connection. It’s not what I want.”

They stood much closer, once more. She could see the reflection of the bonfire’s flames in his cybernetic. If she wanted, she could lean forward and rest her forehead against his chest. 

“And what do you want?”

“I…” The weight of his gaze bore into hers, like the endless crush of a hurricane’s waves, surrounding and drowning. She shook her head. “I need to concentrate on Neyti and Daria. I don’t have time for superficiality.” 

“Try again, Ennari.”

Her eyes narrowed. “Like I told Jason—”

“He’s a stranger.” Wolffe cocked his head to the side. “I’m not.”

“It doesn’t matter. My answer is the same. I don’t have time for superficiality—”

“And if it’s not superficial?”

Huffing her exasperation, she scanned the ferny clearing. “I haven’t met someone like that, so I don’t know.”

Wolffe was silent for a moment too long. “You haven’t met someone because you won’t allow yourself to get close to them.”

“Excuse me?”

“Tell me I’m wrong, Ennari.”

She clenched her fists. “You don’t know me.”

“I know you better than you think.”

“Then you should know I have more important things to do than waste my time on a male.”

“Waste your time?” Wolffe demanded.

“What decent males are there?” She threw her hands up. “They’re all a waste of my time.”

Scoffing, Wolffe looked away, toward the bonfire. Agitation flexed in the hand he dragged through his hair. Annoyance flared in his nostrils as he settled a hard, disbelieving scowl in her direction. 

“You are one of the most frustrating people I know.”

Offended, she glared at him. “What have I done to annoy you?”

“I would like to know what you want—”

BOOM.

A burst of color erupted in the sky. 

Kazi watched it for a millisecond before large arms grabbed her. 

A hand shoved her face into a chest. 

Another hand gripped the back of her neck. 

A second explosion shook the air.

The arms tightened around her, pulling her even closer. 

And then the clapping started. 

Awed whoops and shouts of ecstatic glee echoed across the clearing. Younglings squealed, and the sound of whistling rockets filled the air succeeded by a brilliant shattering of bronzed hues.

Understanding calmed the harsh beat of her heart and Kazi leaned away from Wolffe. His face was tilted toward the sky, jaw clenched tight and chest heaving. 

Gently, she attempted to maneuver herself away. Eyes still on the sky, Wolffe refused, his arms seemingly locked in place. Eventually his features shuttered and he released her, sliding a trembling hand through his hair.

“They’re fireworks,” she said. The blatant obviousness of her statement earned her a reproving glower, and she dropped her gaze, searching the field for Neyti. 

To her left, Fox was approaching, his expression neutral though she detected a hint of worry as he carefully assessed Wolffe. Behind him, still seated at the table, Cody was speaking into Nova’s ear, gripping the man’s shoulder. Nova nodded, rising to his feet, his lips flattened in a thin line. 

People gathered closer. Bodies jostled hers. 

Kazi clenched her fists at her sides and forced herself to breathe. To ignore the swarming crowd.

A tiny hand tugged on her arm. Kazi hid her relief behind a strangled smile, kneeling to the ground. Distraught had harshened Neyti’s features into tight lines. 

“They’re fireworks,” Kazi explained softly, resting a shaking hand on Neyti’s shoulder, squeezing her gently. “They’re used for celebrations, like tonight. They won’t hurt you. I promise.”

A particularly loud burst of snowy white made Neyti flinch. But the longer she watched the display, her distraught ebbed into curiosity which eased into fascination. 

A throat cleared and Kazi pushed herself to her feet, appraising Wolffe. His face was stony, like it had been in the initial months of his arrival on Eluca. 

The reversion unnerved her, and for some reason, she thought she might be to blame. Something had happened in their conversation that he didn’t appreciate.

“We’re leaving,” he informed her. His tone was clipped, hoarse. 

“Okay.” 

He turned on his heel, joining his brothers, not bothering to wait for her to say anything else. 

A burst of coiled purples and effervescent greens decorated the night sky. Kazi ignored the fireworks, her attention lingering on the rigid shoulders stalking through the crowd. 

Masterlist | Chapter 12 | Chapter 14

A/N: Poor Kazi overthinks her emotions and is quick to jump to conclusions. Poor Wolffe is second-guessing the things he thought he’d figured out.

Also, I know this is so basic of me, but here’s an image depicting the style of dress Kazi wore. Obviously, as described, the colors were more muted and the dress more cream colored. 

Next chapter release – April 4th  

Tag: @ulchabhangorm

[bludwurld]

Okkaay I'm gonna request, can I request Stefan Salvatore x male reader! youngest Gilbert, Possessive sex, and probably blood play (biting and marking stuff). Where Stefan and the reader spent years with Stefan and being a couple through the supernatural drama, making him want to propose to him. So Stefan proposes to the reader at the mystic grill (where he and Stefan first met) then Stefan tells the reader that he's getting them a drink and he saw someone flirting with the reader so he's gonna mark you later. (the next plot is up to you) 😥

"Power Over You"

⛧ Warnings: (18+) MLM smut, bareback (unprotected sex), blood play, blood drinking, marking kink, dirty talk, possessive!stefan, edging, very soft exhibitionism (ex: getting off with your partner in a public setting), brief mention of violence, drinking, language, sexual harassment (?, pls read A/N for more details on it) ⛧

⛧ Pairings: Stefan Salvatore x Male!Gilbert!Reader ⛧

⛧ Series: The Vampire Diaries ⛧

⛧ Summary: Your boyfriend of 7 years, Stefan Salvatore, sees someone flirting with you that makes him feel this overpowering possessiveness for you ⛧

⛧ Masterlist ⛧

⛧ If you want to be added to a taglist, make sure I can tag you in posts, and signup here! ⛧

⛧ Taglist: @jokababy , @crzymadness ⛧

⛧ Word Count: 7.5k words ⛧

⛧ Requested: Yes ⛧

⛧ A/N: I’m so sorry this took so long to get out, I literally got sick while starting this and I really just let my extra gene write this bitch for me bc omg I drug this out longer than I wanted to. But thank you for sending a request!! I was actually really excited for this since it’s my first request on this account :D I hope I did your prompt justice! Also the (?) in the warnings means that I’m not entirely sure how to describe it, it’s very brief and not detailed, like unwanted & excessive flirting (VERY brief touching, the only actual touching is around the face) but it’s still a warning in case it can be triggering to some readers. I am not a writer who will ever go into full detail on that topic as it upsets me and I see no point in writing it. ⛧

⛧ ⸸ ☽ ⛧ ⸸ ☽ ⛧ ⸸ ☽ ⛧ ⸸ ☽

Stefan Salvatore, a Vampire and your boyfriend. Actually, he has been your boyfriend for seven years, seven beautiful, long years. Stefan has been the best boyfriend you have had in forever, although you were still human but that didn’t mean you and Stefan never had ‘the talk’ about becoming a Vampire but never really got down to that part. Stefan knew it was scary for you so he never pushed that on to you, he wanted you to make that choice for yourself and you would make it for yourself.

But, of course, with your boyfriend being a Vampire comes with some very big consequences and having to be extremely conscious of the dangers you were constantly in. But you did trust Stefan, you knew he would do everything in his power to keep you safe. You endured all of the drama and dangers with Stefan, you loved him and have loved him for over seven years. Even though all of the Vampire drama was exhausting at times, Stefan would make it up to you in the most romantic and blissful ways possible.

Today was one of those ‘make it up to you’ days, as in a romantic evening with just you and Stefan. Although, Stefan never told you where you two were going until you went down a very familiar highway to none other than Mystic Falls. Stefan and you had long fled this godforsaken town but it was your true home as well as Stefan’s other than all of the amazingly strong beacon for the supernatural since it was also the birthplace of the Vampire curse.

You look over at Stefan after seeing the familiar road into Mystic Falls, your mouth a bit agape in amazement from the surprise. “Mystic Falls?” You question your boyfriend, watching him give you a glancing grin that makes you weak-kneed.

Stefan looks at the road but pulls away one hand from the wheel to take your hand, holding it as he relaxes back in his seat. “Oh c’mon, Y/N..it’s not the worst place in the world, afterall it is the town we met in..” Stefan glances at you with another loving smile.

You chuckle and shake your head, looking ahead at the road and watching cars pass you by as the crescent moon holds overhead. “You never cease to amaze me, Stef..” You whisper, looking back at the handsome Vampire.

Stefan rubs his thumb over the back of your hand, smiling to himself. “Well I do try to be the best boyfriend you’ve ever had..” Stefan smirks a little, eyeing his gorgeous boyfriend from the corner of his eye.

You roll your eyes playfully and rest your legs up on the dashboard, pulling Stefan’s arm into your lap as you listen to the radio. “You are the best boyfriend I’ve ever had, Stefan..” You whisper, leaning your head back against the seat while looking at him lovingly.

You watched your boyfriend stare at the road, looking extremely focused on the road but his hand was telling a different story. You stiffen up a little from surprise as you felt his strong hand grip your inner thigh possessively, your cheeks becoming very flushed and warm. You rest your hand over his and trace his large yet gorgeous daylight ring, trying to conceal your racing heartbeat. Even after all these years, Stefan still made you so very nervous and he found that extremely adorable.

You look out the window and look around at the barely changed little town that you grew up in, smiling to yourself at the sight of the town you still did love. You look over at Stefan once he pulls up to the Mystic Grill, becoming more dumbfounded by the evening. “Stefan Salvatore, what are you planning?” You smile at him as he parks the car and turns over to you.

Stefan smiles at you, leaning in towards you as he cups your cheek, rubbing it with his thumb. “Well it wouldn’t be a surprise if I told you now, would it?” He whispers, glancing at your lips as he bites his bottom lip.

You feel your cheeks warm up a bit, chuckling a little. “Fair play, Mr. Salvatore..” You say as you were pulled in for a kiss, your lips pressed perfectly against the Vampire’s very soft lips.

You jump a bit as you hear a knock on the window of the car door, looking over to see your older sister and brother Jeremy and Elena Gilbert. That’s right, you were the youngest of the Gilberts and still very much treated like a baby by both of your siblings, but you still loved them nonetheless.

You smile excitedly before opening the car door and jumping out of the car, being pulled into a family hug by the two. “Oh it’s been so long, Y/N! How’s my baby brother doing?? I hope the big bad Vampire that’s in the car has been taking care of you well..” Elena giggles, glancing at her ex boyfriend who was closing the car doors and locking the car.

That’s right, Elena and you have both dated Stefan, but Elena didn’t hold anything against you towards you dating Stefan and you knew that. Elena could see how happy Stefan made her little brother and she herself had moved on to another anyways so it wouldn’t even be her place to judge Stefan for dating her brother seeing as she moved on to the other Salvatore brother, it was almost ironic.

You snicker as Jeremy laughs at Elena’s comment. “I’m not a baby just because I’m younger, Elena.” You remind her for the millionth time but it will forever be her ‘insult’ to you.

“Oh please, you will always be our baby brother, Y/N.” She smiles at you, tucking her brunette hair behind her ear, she now styled it to curl like her doppelgänger yet it did suit her.

“How did you two even know I was gonna be here before I did?”

Jeremy smiles over at your boyfriend, Stefan giving your older brother a wink. “Well Stefan wanted to surprise you so we called over everyone else to come back to Mystic Falls for a…reunion I guess you would call it?” Jeremy gives you a confused yet amused look, probably mostly with himself.

You smile widely, looking back at Stefan then over back at your siblings. “So everyone is here??” You ask them excitedly, feeling Stefan’s arm wrap around your waist as he kisses the top of your head.

“Mhm, including my insufferable brother.” Stefan teases, you chuckle while playfully rolling your eyes at his comment. “God forbid he accompanies his girlfriend.” You reply.

Jeremy claps his hands together, rubbing them quickly. “Alright! Let’s hurry inside before everyone gets repelled by Damon’s antics.” Jeremy laughs and leads the four of you inside the Mystic Grill.

You smile and walk into the nostalgic building, remembering all the good memories..as well as the bad. It had definitely been a few good years since both you or Stefan have ever stepped foot inside of the Grill. It wasn’t like neither of you wanted to, you both did but neither of you needed to stay in Mystic Falls for both of your sakes. But this was a good sight, you missed this place too.

Because this was the exact place you and Stefan had met. You were sat over at the pool table with your ex-boyfriend and his parents, but you were putting on a good face to appease his parents so later your ex could get drunk with his friends and fuck the girl he cheated on you with at the end of this dreadful evening. And Stefan was on the other side of the Grill drinking through the Grill’s supply of alcohol to cease before his eyes landed on you.

You clearly looked unamused, bored, and annoyed. Stefan could see that yet, what he assumed, your boyfriend couldn’t. He saw you talking to your boyfriend before your boyfriend grabbed your wrist roughly, immediately Stefan got up, finishing his beer before walking over to you two and looking between you two.

“Is there a problem here?” Stefan asks, looking between the two of you.

Your ex boyfriend looks over at Stefan with a very annoyed look as you jerk your wrist away from him, rubbing it since it stung now. “None of your fucking business, get lost.” He rolls his eyes, annoyed with Stefan’s presence before pushing you towards the bathroom so he could probably yell at you for just wanting to go home since you two weren’t even together anymore.

Stefan grabs your ex by his shoulder, roughly pulling him back as if his body weighed nothing. “If you don’t want it to be someone else’s business then don’t make it clear to everyone else here that you’re making your boyfriend uncomfortable…” Stefan gives him a very fake smile, patting his shoulder before your ex shoves him off.

“Like I give a shit, he’s not my boyfriend anymore.” He glares Stefan down, passing by him while very roughly ‘bumping’ Stefan’s shoulder but Stefan didn’t move an inch even with the clear rough way your ex tried to push him off his feet.

You stand there awkwardly, feeling embarrassed as you see his parents glaring you down while going after their shallow son. Stefan watches him leave then looks over at you, walking up to you. “You okay?” The Vampire asks, although at the time you didn’t know he was one.

You nod, clearing your throat as you lean back against the wall near the bathroom door. “Y-Yeah, just fine, he’s just an ass..thanks, though.” You look at Stefan, admiring his features as nods, smiling at you.

“No problem,” He holds his hand out. “I’m Stefan.”

“Y/N.”

You snap out from the memory as Stefan squeezed your waist, looking at you with a slightly concerned look until he realized you were probably just reliving the past. You, Stefan, and several other people from your circle consisting of the supernatural or at least knew about it. Bonnie, Jeremy, Caroline, Elena, Damon, Alaric, Matt and Tyler. Most of everyone was here and it felt almost like a dream because usually all of you were either halfway across the world or just too caught up in your own drama to be able to meet up like this again.

You absolutely missed this, all of you in one spot, laughing, talking, sharing the new stories all of you had to offer as well as the new drama. It felt so nostalgic, like you were back in the Gilbert house seeing your sister’s friends everyday.

Stefan watched you most of the time while you reminisced with your departed family and friends, he enjoyed seeing you happy and loving the life that you probably always wanted if he wasn’t a Vampire with Ripper problems. Seeing you as happy as you are in this moment just for an hour or two was more than he could’ve ever asked for, it made him happy to see you happy. And that’s why he was going to propose tonight.

Everyone here tonight knew you were going to be proposed to by Stefan tonight, you were the only one who didn’t know but that was the plan until Stefan popped out the ring that sat in his jacket pocket. Stefan was nervous of course; who wouldn’t be proposing to their partner?

You smile to yourself, sipping your soda from the glass cup as you look over at Stefan who was still staring at you, but it wasn’t as creepy as it sounded. “Yes? Do you need something, Stef?” You smile at him, tilting your head as he scoots closer to you.

Stefan glances at Elena and Jeremy who were eyeballing you both the entire time, probably wondering when Stefan would finally pop the question. Stefan looks back at you, leaning on his elbow on the table all while flashing that gorgeous smile at you. “Yes, I do need something from you, actually..” Stefan looks down, confusion washing over you as your friends and siblings start to stare at you two.

You clear your throat. “Stef? What’s going on?” You chuckle nervously, shifting a little uncomfortably from all the staring from the people closest to you.

Stefan takes a deep breath, slipping his hand into his jacket pocket and gripping onto the little red velvet box. “You, Y/N, are the bestest boyfriend I’ve had in a really long time.. Of course, like every other relationship we’ve had our highs and lows, yet, you always seemed to make those lows really fantastic after those frustrating days..” Stefan chuckles at the memories of all the make-up sex after those really frustrating and raging arguments.

You blink a few times, your brain going into full panic mode as you thought of every possible scenario but somehow you were still stuck on ‘oh no, is this it for us?’. “You’ve been the highlight of the past 170 years that I have been on this earth, you’ve introduced me to several new things, given me countless chances and still accept me as what I am today; a Vampire. And you know who I am, I’m not proud of those Ripper years, you know that and yet you still chose to be with someone who still struggles with something that could possibly threaten your life..” Stefan clears his throat, starting to choke up. “And for that, I love you. I love..absolutely everything about you. Flaws and all, you are still the best person in my life, the best person I’ve ever spent time with. And I will never in a million years ever be ashamed to call you my boyfriend, Y/N.” Stefan looks into your eyes longingly, destroying all those intrusive thoughts of how tonight could go wrong.

“So will you… Y/N L/N,” He pulls out the velvet box, opening it up and showing you the beautiful diamond ring resting inside of it. “Marry me?” Stefan smiles widely at you, your heart pounding in your ears.

You were shocked, dumfounded. Stefan Salvatore just proposed to you.

You nod quickly, without a second thought you blurted out that word you knew he would love to hear. “Y-Yes! Yes, Stefan, I-I’ll marry you..” You choke up a strangled laugh, tears running down your cheeks as you watch the love of your life slip the ring right onto your finger all the while listening to everyone in the Grill cheer for you two.

Stefan chuckles and cups your cheeks, pulling you in for a long and passionate kiss. You relax against his lips, slipping your arms around his neck while deepening the kiss. You feel his smile against your lips, your cheeks flushed with all the cheering in the background until you block out the noise from the warm tongue slipping into your mouth. Stefan wraps his arms around your waist, his hands starting to slip underneath your shirt until you pull away from his kiss giggling.

“Not right now, Stef..” You whisper in his ear, feeling his grip on your waist tighten. Stefan groans and reaches down, gently squeezing your ass. “Fine, fine.” Stefan smiles at you and you snicker at his eagerness to fuck right after he just proposed to you.

Caroline eagerly goes over to you, admiring the diamond on your finger. “Gosh it’s so pretty, Y/N! Stefan has good taste, for sure.” Caroline giggles and she smiles at you, Stefan rolls his eyes playfully.

You smile and lean back in your seat, feeling this warm fuzzy feeling in the pit of your stomach. “Okay, I think we’re all ready for some drinks.” Elena chuckles, Damon’s arm wrapped around her shoulder.

You see Stefan start to get up. “Oh no no, I’ll go get the drinks, your taste in alcohol is terrible.” You slip out of your seat and smile at Stefan, kissing his cheek.

Stefan puts his hand over his chest, pretending to act hurt. “What? I just have gotten used to the taste of good whiskey.” Stefan grabs your hip, eyeing you but you just roll your eyes. “Uh huh, more like it’s good chemicals-”

“Well, I mean technically it-”

“Shut up, Mr. Salvatore.”

Stefan laughs and pulls you into his lap, looking into your eyes. “Soon you’ll be called Mr. Salvatore.” Stefan smirks, cocking his head all while making you blush.

You chuckle, shaking your head and pecking his lips. “Okay okay, I’m gonna go get us some drinks.” You say as you get up, ruffling Stefan’s gelled hair.

You walk through some small crowds of people before getting to the bar, raising your hand to the bartender who was busy serving other people but nodded in return. You bite your lip and lean against the bar, turning as you feel a tap on your shoulder only to see a taller male. “Oh- uhm am I in your way? Sorry-”

“No, no..” He chuckles lightly, biting his lip as you notice his eyes raking over your body which makes you cringe inside. “I’m just here introducing myself to the pretty boy in front of me..” He hums, placing his arm next to you against the bar while leaning closer to you.

Okay, yeah, you were uncomfortable. “Look, I don’t know you if you’re just deaf or stupid but I literally just got proposed to not but a minute ago..” You give him a confused glare, Tate rolls his eyes.

“Oh c’mon, it was so obvious that you wanted to get away from him..” Tate reaches to graze your face while leaning in close but you pull away, your body telling you to run. “I mean, look at you, dating that skinny boy over there?” Tate tries to grab your face again but you jerk away.

Stefan laughs at Jeremy’s comment on Damon being a prick towards Tyler before he looks over at the bar where you were. What he saw very much angered ever being in his body, no thanks to his heightened senses he wanted to break something. Stefan hadn’t looked away from you but a split second before you were being preyed upon by some unsuspecting ass who looked like a rejected drummer from some indie ‘underground’ band.

Stefan gets up, his jaw clenched as he tried to push down his rage and intrusive, murderous thoughts. How could this douchebag not possibly know that you were already taken by him. Like, c’mon, Stefan just proposed to you in front of everyone in this bar. Could it not be anymore obvious that Stefan had practically claimed you?

Stefan quickly walks over to you, grabbing you by your hoodie and practically making you slam your body against him. You felt Stefan’s arm wrap around you possessively, looking at him as you saw the rage in his eyes. “Stef-”

“You must be a dumbass trying to flirt with him, he’s clearly fucking mine..” Stefan growls, about to snip the string that was holding him back so he could just rip off this guy’s fingers one by one before shoving them down his throat.

You watched Stefan’s chest heave, rage clouding his auburn irises. You would be lying if you didn’t think this sudden possessive side of Stefan wasn’t hot. Stefan’s body pressing up against you as he pretty much shields Tate’s lingering eyes, his grip tightening. You swallow nervously, feeling your pants tightening at a painful amount while feeling your heart pound. You watched Stefan as his eyes followed Tate while the man left, muttering to himself.

Stefan looks at you, pressing his thigh against the bulge in your pants. You whimper quietly, feeling a rush of blood go down south and thankful for the loud drunken idiots tonight. Stefan wraps his large hand around your throat, the cold metal of his daylight ring pressing against your hot skin. “You’re mine, understand?” Stefan leans into you, his face pressed against your cheek.

You nod quickly with a small whimper, taking in a sharp breath as your boyfriend leans down towards your neck and bites down onto the space between your neck and collarbone. You saw his face for a brief second, seeing those red eyes and those pulsing veins underneath his eyes. You wince from the stinging feeling of Stefan’s fangs sunken into your neck while he took only a little bit of blood from you.

You close your eyes and arch your back a little, moaning softly as Stefan bit into your neck and drank from you slowly yet sensually. You’d be lying if you didn’t say you didn’t like the pain of his fangs deep in your skin as he drank from you, your heart pounding as you also felt your cock throbbing painfully in your pants. You close your eyes, feeling Stefan’s large hand wrap around your throat, rutting against you as he bit a little harder into your neck. You gasp shakily, realizing what Stefan was doing to you, Stefan was marking you. Not only by scent but by bite.

It was a strange thing, if a Vampire marks you, you couldn’t be touched by another Vampire unless said Vampire was looking for trouble. Mostly it was done by scent but it could also be done by bite if the Vampire wanting to mark you slipped this ‘venom’ into your bloodstream while feeding off of you. It wouldn’t harm you, it would just make your blood smell sweet to the Vampire who marked you and bitter, tasting like poison to other Vampires.

You whimper, clinging to Stefan by his leather jacket, your mouth agape as you bury your face into his neck. “Mm~” You moan quietly out, your legs a little shaky from the blood Stefan had taken.

Stefan pulls away from your neck, licking his bloody fangs as he looks at you with his darkened irises. “Shh..we don’t want to make a scene now do we?” Stefan whispers, gently grabbing your face as you look at him through hooded lids and shake your head.

Stefan smiles, wiping the rest of your blood off his lips and forcing the urges down as you watch his facial features turn back to their human state. You chew on your bottom lip, wrapping your arms around his left arm and leaned on him for support since you were a little weak from the blood withdrawal. Stefan chuckles and he kisses your head gently, covering up your fresh bite and helping you gather all the drinks.

You two make your way back to the table where all your friends and family were, setting down the drinks. No one seemed to notice or really care what you two were up to back at the bar, good on that too because you didn’t have a rehearsed story with Stefan about what you two were doing anyways.

A few shots later and most of everyone was drunk but you and Stefan since you had already been drained that night, you didn’t want a massive hangover in the morning while feeling weak and Stefan had to at least keep some of them in check so they could get a drive back home later on.

You sit next to Stefan, feeling his arm tighten around your waist as you look up to see Tate staring at you. Stefan saw him staring at you, he knew Tate had been eyeing you this entire time which only made him wanna mark you more. Stefan slips his hand along your bulge, your cheeks turning a dark shade of pink as you tried not to squirm underneath his touch and make it obvious as to what you two were doing. But Stefan wanted Tate to know what he was doing to you so he could bask in the glory of being the only one who could make you feel good and scream out only his name.

Stefan pulls you closer even though you both sat in separate seats, resting his head against your temple with his nose nuzzled into your cheek. You close your eyes as you feel him rub along your throbbing bulge that you’ve had for the past hour from an encounter with Stefan’s possessiveness earlier. Stefan smirks, unzipping and unbuttoning your pants with just one hand before slipping said hand right into your boxers.

You felt your cheeks heat up quickly, trying to contain your embarrassment and fear of getting caught but Stefan continued to push his luck as he toyed with your pulsing cock. He looks back at Tate, glaring at him but also giving him a look that said, ‘he’s mine and only I can make him feel good’. You, however, were subtly grinding to your fiancé’s hand as you tried to control your expressions even though Stefan was literally rubbing his thumb all over your very sensitive and swollen tip that was covered in precum. Fuck, why was this so hot to you? Stefan’s utter desire to make everyone show how good he could make you feel all and making your body hotter by the minute, but also making you wanna hide from just the thought of getting caught.

Stefan turns his attention back on you, looking down as he watches you squirm as subtly as possible yet also trying to get the friction you desperately needed. The Vampire smirked, coating his hand in your precum for lube as he gently twists his hand very slowly and gently along your twitching cock. You let out a very soft and quiet whimper but luckily it was too loud in the Grill for anyone to even catch on to what you two were doing besides pervy Tate over there.

You started to feel a tight sensation in your stomach, immediately knowing you were close to the edge and you finally opened your eyes. “Stefan, p-please~” You beg in his ear, gripping his thigh tightly but it barely phased your Vampire boyfriend.

Unfortunately for you, Stefan had other plans for tonight.

Stefan pulls his hand away, watching your cock twitch with need and listening to you whine. Why does he have to be such a damn tease? You fix yourself and zip yourself up before pulling your hoodie down over your raging hard on. Glaring at Stefan, you promise yourself to get back at him one day, but Stefan just snickers at you. He loved to tease you, getting you riled up only to drag out your aching hard on until he could rip off all your clothes and fuck you good later.

“Well, thank you all for coming tonight, it really means a lot to us that you guys could come out this far to see us.” Stefan smiles at your guests, playing off the interaction with you just a second ago.

Caroline smiles widely. “Oh no problem, Stefan! It’s been so long since I got to see Y/N or any of my highschool friends so..really..thank you.” Caroline was so sentimental that it was just oddly adorable.

Elena raises the bottle of bourbon into the air by its neck. “To a happy marriage for you both and a healthy life to my baby brother.” Elena giggles drunkenly while Damon pulls the bottle down, trying to hide his smile. “Okay, sister, you’ve had one too many.” Damon teases, prying the bottle from her hands and watching her pout.

You giggle and get back up, hugging your siblings and your old friends goodbye. You hoped it wouldn’t be so long again where you all could meet up like this again even if Stefan had gotten you incredibly hard not even an hour into it.

You and Stefan leave the Grill, going in as boyfriends and coming out as fiancés. You quickly got into the retro car with Stefan, watching Stefan quickly start the car and drive off to the nearest hotel. After a few long fifteen minutes, you both were eagerly scurrying to the hotel room Stefan had just paid for, it definitely wasn’t cheap either but you didn’t mind.

Stefan grabs you by your arm and pushes the keycard in, unlocking the door and rushing into the room as Stefan slammed you up against the door to shut it. You whimper a bit, your chest pressed up against the cool wooden door as Stefan’s body was pressed up against your backside. 

Stefan keeps you pinned to the door, his hands roughly grabbing your wrists on either side of your head as he keeps you still with his inhuman strength. You pant softly, pressing your ass against his very noticeable bulge, grinding back against it like a desperate slut. Stefan chuckles, kissing along the back of your neck as he pushes your wrists together above your head and keeps them placed there. He could feel the urge to mark you deep in his stomach before he let go and bit right into your nape.

You let out a soft moan, clawing at the door from the slight stinging pain in your neck and the almost overwhelming feeling of Stefan pressing you further into the door as he ruts against your ass. Stefan reaches in front of you, feeling underneath your hoodie along your stomach then unzipping and unbuttoning your pants once again tonight but this time they would stay that way. He slips his cool hand into your boxer briefs, pulling out your pulsing cock as he listens to your begging whimpers for his attention to fuck you roughly, but he wasn’t ready to give you that satisfaction yet.

So, he continued to rub his fingertips teasingly along your desperate cock, his thumb rubbing sensually over your slit that was dripping precum. Stefan continued to feed slowly off of you, careful not to make a mess since he wouldn’t dare waste a drop of your precious blood that tasted sweet like honey almost. You whine and buck your hips to his painfully soft touching of your cock, looking back at him over your shoulder to see those blood-red irises, making you shudder as he made eye-contact with you. 

Stefan pulls his fangs out of your neck, licking up the remaining blood dripping from the bite wound he made. He grabs your cock fully with his hand, gently squeezing as he feels your writhe against him. “S-Stefan..please~” You whine out desperately, your cheek squished up against the door while your cock is gently being pumped. “P-Please fuck m-me..”

The Vampire chuckles, kissing along the recent bite marks he had given you and leaning into your ear. “No..” He whispers. “I won’t because it’s so..adorable how you’re begging for me and not that arrogant ass from earlier who thought you were free to take from me..” Stefan growls in your ear, your body shivering as you feel his hot breath fanning your face.

You look into your fiancé’s eyes, seeing this lust residing in them. He smirks as he buries his face into your neck, pulling his hand from your swollen cock to the back of your pants. He nips at the skin on your neck, his hand slipping both your boxers and pants down just enough to have decent access to your ass. You wondered if suddenly he had a change of heart, before he shoved two of his fingers into your mouth and forced you to suck on them.

You whine loudly, instead of fighting him you work your tongue around his very long and slender fingers. Your eyes closed as you sucked on them roughly, spreading his fingers apart inside your mouth with just your tongue. You breathe in sharply, saliva slipping from your lips and dribbling down your chin while he slowly pumps his fingers into your warm mouth.

Once Stefan decided his fingers were wet enough, while still very much nipping and toying with the skin on your neck, he slipped his fingers out of your mouth then shoved the saliva-covered fingers into your puckered hole. You gasp from the slightly strange feeling, pressing a bit closer to the door from the cold liquid pressing against your hot inside. But that was definitely a mistake since Stefan now was right back up against you and giving you no real space between you and the door, so now your cock was pressed against the cold platform.

Stefan hums softly, swirling his tongue over your bite mark before pulling the skin in between his teeth and sucking on the skin roughly, making sure to leave the darkest hickey he possibly could. You whine and feel Stefan’s fingers slowly pumping inside of your tight hole, his fingers searching around deep inside of you all the while making you whine and beg for him to go faster instead of this slow and tortuous pace. But for Stefan, this was just amusing for him, especially since you sounded absolutely desperate for something more but he wanted, no, needed you to be reminded that only he could give you the satisfaction of riding out your orgasm.

You flutter your eyes open, looking up at the ceiling of the room, still begging him. “S-Stefan! Pl-Please just f-fuck mm-mmngh-me! P-Please, i-it hurts a-and I-I wanna c-cum..” You pant softly, but you weren’t tired, you were just sexually frustrated and desperately wanted the feeling of release and feeling full.

Stefan chuckles darkly, biting down on the skin while hearing you whimper from the pain and pulling at the skin before letting go. He looks at you, curling his fingers upwards right against your prostate. You take a sharp inhale, a tight feeling in your lower tummy as well as the sharp yet quick sensation like you needed to pee but you didn’t. You whine loudly, trying to stand on your toes but Stefan forced you back down so his fingers hit your prostate roughly again yet the sensation came a lot harder onto you.

“You’ll get to cum when I say you can and only if you obey me..now stay still..” He growls in your ear, his face pressed up against yours. You whine, looking down as you watch your cock leaking heavily with precum and jumping at the pressure against your prostate. You hated when Stefan did this, but loved it at the same time, because it made you feel so desperate at the feeling of wanting to get away yet wanting more of this feeling at the same time.

Stefan continued to pump his fingers right into your prostate, rubbing his fingertips along the sensitive area for a small period then pumping them right into your prostate again all while keeping you on edge. You pant softly, sweat beading down your body as you felt your orgasm quickly sneak up on you, you were so close and the sensation was almost unbearable that it really felt like you were going to do more than just cum. But Stefan was having none of that, he quickly pulled his fingers out of your clenching hole and watched it as it clenched around nothing.

You tear up a little from the frustration, wiggling underneath him and practically grinding against the door for some kind of friction. “St-Stefan please!” You cried out, your legs shaking a little as you looked back at him with a tear running down your cheek.

He snickers and grabs your face roughly, letting go of your hands as they fall to your sides and slamming you against your back on the door. “No, because I own you, pretty boy. And I am the only one who gets a say about when and where you get to cum… Understand?” He grins at you, your heart pounding as you nod quickly.

“Good..now stop being difficult and do as I say..”

Stefan picks you up and carries you to the bed before throwing you onto it. He grabs your face roughly as he crawls on top of you and smashes his lips against yours, slipping his tongue into your mouth. He moans against your lips, sliding his tongue along yours and enjoying the feeling of your warm mouth with his tongue. You wrap your arms around his neck, snaking your fingers through his brunette locks and tugging at his hair roughly just to hear his hot grunts.

Stefan hums into your mouth, feeling up under your hoodie along your soft skin and rubbing his finger over your nipple as it hardens. You buck your hips as a reaction, whimpering and feeling Stefan’s large hand run back down your torso straight to jeans. He pulls out of the kiss and yanks off your pants, eyeing your body like a hungry animal.

“God you’re so hot..” He whispers, running his hands over your thighs and lifting your hoodie over your head.

You whimper, watching him strip out of his clothes before you and staring down his large cock. You start to reach down to touch yourself but Stefan grabs your wrist roughly and gives you a stern glare. “Nuh uh, no touching, only I can touch your pretty cock, baby boy..” Stefan whispers as he grabs you by your throat.

You were pushed into the sheets, forced to lay on your stomach as he grabbed you roughly by your hips. You whine, still wearing your boxer briefs although they were already pulled down a bit from just earlier. Stefan hovers over you, his chest pressing against your back as he pulls your ass into the air, kissing down your spine. He reaches underneath you, grabbing your cock and softly pumping you as you moan into the sheets, muffled by them.

Stefan groans, his cock twitching from the sounds slipping from your lip. He presses his hard cock against your ass, his shaft throbbing against your hole with precum dripping down the base and spilling right onto your desperate hole. You whine, feeling him grind against your ass as he forces you to spread your legs roughly apart with his free hand, his precum spreading along your hole and his cock as he grinds against your.

You whine desperately, gripping at the sheets and biting down on them. You pant softly, your hips thrusting into Stefan’s hand as he pumped your cock. You were desperate for friction, for him, and it felt like you were going to explode if you didn’t get to cum tonight.

“Good boy~ You want me don’t you?” Stefan comes back up, whispering in your ear and squeezing your cock to see your face scrunch up in pleasure; you nod. “You wanna feel my cock inside that pretty hole of yours?” He whispers, reaching over and grabbing something before you feel a cold wet feeling rub against you; lube.

You nod eagerly, pushing your hips back before feeling something wet, very big and very hard slide just barely inside of your tight, clenching hole but still stretching you out. Your loud whimpers muffle from the bed sheets, you scratched desperately at the soft blankets underneath you as Stefan chuckled at your reaction. Although it was amusing to see you grinding on his cock for more, it almost turned him on more from the desperate sight of your slick body begging for more of his cock.

Stefan growls, his face distorting again with bloody irises and dark veins underneath his eyes before he bit into your shoulder and slammed straight inside of you; your screams erupting throughout the room. “S-Stefan!” You moan out, gripping tighter at the sheets as he starts ruthlessly pounding into your warm hole, his hand against your face as he pushes it further into the sheets while drinking slowly from you.

Fuck, this felt so good. Your mind was beginning to go fuzzy from Stefan’s mindless fucking, his hard cock slipping in and out of your wet hole while you heard his soft grunts and moans and small slurps from his drinking. He groans from the feeling of your warm and soft insides clenching and basically pulling him right back into your ass, wanting his cock to stay in and fuck you as merciless as he was. Stefan drinks only a little of your blood at a time, switching from that to leaving countless hickeys along your back.

You let a string of strangled moans slip from your mouth, drooling a bit onto the sheets as you were pounded into at an inhuman pace from the Vampire behind you; bitten into, marked up and practically fucked down like his toy. It was euphoric and made precum dribble from your tip, falling and wetting the gray sheets underneath you. Your whimpers jumped from the incessant pounding into your ass, the sound of skin slapping against each other along with your pathetic moans and Stefan’s breathy grunts filled the hotel room. You knew someone might complain but you really didn’t care right now, all you could think about was your cock being toyed with and your ass being fucked into by a hungry, possessive Vampire you called you fiancé.

“F-Fu-uh-uck! St-Stefan~ M-Mo-oh-re!” You pant out, just barely getting out your drooling mouth.

Stefan was definitely listening too, because after you spoke he grabbed your right thigh and pushed it right underneath your belly, only pausing for barely three seconds before slamming right back into your tightening hole. “F-Fuck you feel s-so good, baby~” Stefan moans out, licking over your bleeding wounds as he listened to your beautiful loud moans of his name.

He growls and starts to move his hips a bit in a circle as he fucks your insatiable, wet hole. You moan erotically, your body trembling from the feeling of Stefan’s cock penatrating you and feeling his balls slap against your ass. Your vision began to blur from tears and your mind began to become quite foggy, unable to speak much anymore as you felt your orgasm coming on fast from the frustrating edging Stefan did earlier.

Stefan moans into your ear, gripping your hand and interlocking your fingers as his thrust began to get sloppy but he was still fucking you with incredible speed. You embrace the feeling of his warm body up against your slick, hot and steaming body, your cheeks flushed and your hair messy. You look at him, tears running down the bridge of your nose and onto the sheets as he rests his face against yours, his hot breath fanning your sweaty face. Stefan could feel your hole convulsing around his cock, letting him know you were very close to your climax before he whispered raspily into your ear, “Cum.”

“Cl-Clo- Oh f-fuck, baby!~” You scream out in pleasure as Stefan slams straight into your prostate, causing you to spill and squirt your load all over the sheets. You let out breathy moans, your body twitching and convulsing as Stefan continued to fuck you out through your high, your eyes rolling into the back of your head as your tried to wiggle away from him from being over stimulated by your orgasm.

Stefan roughly grabs your bruised and bitten throat, pulling you back into place as he continues to slam over and over into your prostate, causing a second orgasm with cum spewing from your pulsing cock. You scream out, gripping tightly at his hand with tears running down your cheeks and hot flashes rushing over your exhausted body. He let out a throaty growl, panting in your ear. “S-Stay still, baby~ A-Almost nngh~ th-there..” Stefan grunts and squeezes your cock as he moans raspily into your ear and spills his hot, warm load deep inside of your hole.

You both relax, panting heavily with little grunts and soft moans leaving your lips. Stefan groans, laying down on his side while still inside you, pulling you onto your side against his chest. Whimpering, you bury your face into your fiancé’s chest, relaxing a little as you get used to the feeling of Stefan’s slightly hard cock resting inside of your cum-filled hole. You pepper kisses along his chest, cum leaking from your hole and making you blush profusely. Stefan smiles down at you, cupping your cheek and kissing you softly for a few blissful seconds.

You hum, pulling out of the kiss and looking into his eyes. “I love you, Y/N Salvatore” Stefan whispers, brushing your messy hair out of your face.

You smile, pecking his lips softly with a soft chuckle. “I love you more, Stefan Salvatore..” You yelp out as Stefan smacked your ass, running his hand back up your side and running his fingers over the bite marks and hickeys he left.

“No, I’m sure I’m the one who loves you more.” Stefan teases, grinning and you roll your eyes. “Hey, I was the one who got us all back together in one place to see each other again like old times.” Stefan reminds you and you smile widely.

You nod, letting him win this one time. “Okay, yes, you did..” You look into his auburn irises longingly. “And I love you so much for it..” You whisper, cupping his face.

“You better..”

[lesbesapphic]

Golden Times - Mob Leader!Natasha AU

Wedding Night Pt 4

Summary- Y/N couldn't hold back your tongue and faced Natasha's wrath for it, on their wedding night. Will you be able to handle Natasha and fall for her or her behavior would make you crave your freedom even more so than before.

Warning- 18+, Nsfw, smut, hair pulling, face slapping, pussy slapping, edging, Dark! Natasha, Reader resist, could make you all horny, overstimulation, strap, etc

A/N - Hey Everyone!

Hope you all are doing great and even though it had been a while and many of you might not even be here. To those who are here, I would love to receive some comments or ask about this pairing. I miss our interaction so please just jump in my asks or in comments.

Hope you all enjoy.

Part 3 to jog your memories

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Your heart hammered in your chest as the guests started leaving, paired with the lust-filled looks Natasha had been giving you throughout the dinner with her hand placed on your thigh caressing the flesh until her fingers slipped through the thigh slit of your dress, her hand stopped and her eyes shot to you with a dangerous glint in it, "Why did you choose this dress again?", She asked with an edge in her voice as she fixed the coat over your shoulder, hiding your bareback from everyone's view. It all unsettled you. Her possessiveness regarding you was insane, "I..I don't know." You whispered back, hands gripping your cutlery tightly, eyes avoiding the woman next to you as if she would disappear if you don't look at her.

Eva shot you a sympathetic look and you remembered her words of advice from earlier when she was helping you prepare for the wedding, "Natasha might not appreciate this dress." You had told her you didn't care about Natasha and her opinions, and now a part of you regretted it. You shrugged and went back to focusing on what was on your plate when Wanda turned Eva's face toward hers, kissing her. You sighed blaming yourself for not listening to Eva's advice. You took a mental note to listen to the other girl if you wanted to survive here. Lucky for you Natasha was pulled into a conversation with Wanda and she dropped the topic of the dress.

Soon enough the dinner was over and Natasha was bidding farewell to her guests and like a dutiful wife, you are standing next to her with her hand on your waist occasionally going up and down your sides reaching the side of your breasts, your eyes darting toward her the first time it had happened, but she was busy in her conversation with the scary-looking man after it happened two more times, you doubted that she knew what she was doing but your body was hyper-aware of her each little touch. Your mind reeling you to what would happen once everyone leaves.

Natasha moved away to hug someone and her hand didn't return again as she discussed something with someone about a warehouse and burning it up. You felt a man moving past you and despite knowing he would not be able to hurt you, he still scared you enough that you moved closer to Natasha, clutching her hand in yours, her speech halted and she glanced over to you briefly with an emotion you could not register. She put her hand back on your waist, squeezing softly and you didn't know if you wanted to pull away or stay put. "What's wrong, Dove?" Natasha questioned when you both were alone again, her eyebrows furrowed in what looked like worry.

Her voice paired up with the expression of worry on her face, made you nervous, your heart fluttering but you tried to tell yourself about it all being a hoax, Natasha had only known you for like two-three days, not counting the days she had to spend keeping an eye on you before making a move. Now it made more sense to you as you thought why was Natasha was so obsessed with you, she had been watching you for days. It made your skin crawl in ways you could not express. "I-I am fine..How long do we have to stay here?" You asked trying to hold back the quiver in your voice.

You watched as a smile formed on Natasha's lips, her eyes glinting with desire, "Why? You excited for me to wreck you?" Natasha asked and you were taken aback not only by her crude remark but the idea of what would happen once you would up there in her room. "Cat got your tongue, My dear little wife?" Natasha grabbed you by your jaw, turning your face toward her, her eyes taking a darker shade and your heartbeat faster, "I hate not being answered."

You nodded quickly or at least tried to with how little movement the woman was offering you by her hold, "No I just thought.." The rest came out as gibberish as Natasha's hand mushed your cheek, "Don't think. I prefer my dolls to be quiet and capable of following orders-"

Before you could register what your actions were about to be, it was too late as your hand swatted her hand away, cutting her off in the middle of her sentence, "Basically dumb sluts you can use and throw?" Your mouth dried up at the look on Natasha's face. "Natasha I am sorry! I didn't-"

"Shh. I will deal with it later." Natasha stated, her expression taking a 180-degree turn as she gave you a sweet smile, you would have fallen for it as well as her when she tucked your hair strand behind your ear, she looked like a picture-perfect image of a beautiful wife taking care of you but you knew better. A part of you wished that you didn't for the dread that kept stirring in your stomach. Now you knew why people called ignorance a bliss.

"Eva. Could you please take Y/N to my room? I will finish here first." Natasha asked Eva, her hand still on your cheek caressing the flesh, a total opposite of the threat she gave you, almost leaned into her touch but stilled yourself, watching as Wanda gave Eva a nod and the woman moved forward to take you with her. "See you soon, My little dove," Natasha said with a smile that did nothing to ease your nerves, she leaned forward and placed a kiss on your forehead before fixing the coat around you one last time and leaving you with Eva.

"I am scared." You spoke up the moment you were away from the redhead's earshot, glancing back to see her talking to Wanda and another woman, her eyes briefly flickering over to you and you immediately looked away, walking up the stairs with Eva.

"What did you do?" Eva asked, she must have seen the exchange between Natasha and you, you told her the whole interaction, "She said she would deal with me later. I don't want to die." You panicked wondering what Natasha would do to you, Eva looked sympathetic but the shake of her head clearly indicated she thought you were dumb, you didn't blame her. "Stop panicking over this. She won't kill you. Mrs. Romanoff is...actually nice." She had taken a pause before finishing her sentence, clearly looking to find a better word but you scoffed in disbelief at her choice of adjective to describe Natasha. The way she had changed Ms. To Mrs also irked you in ways you could not elaborate.

"Nice? From what angle? She killed a man in front of me knowing he was innocent." You uttered in disgust while walking into the room, Eva following insuit, wincing at your tone and you shot her a glare, you didn't understand the deal of this girl, why was she so hellbent on portraying Natasha as the good guy?

"That's their business," Eva said after a moment and you could not believe what you were listening to, you were inches away from putting her in the hinged category where Natasha, Wanda, and their friends belonged.

"Are you even listening to yourself right now?" You asked turning around to look at Eva who covered under your gaze, "They are cruel, heartless, disgusting, and evil and deserve to rot in hell for the things they have done!" Your voice raised, your mind flashing back to all the news you would hear in the bars, all of the time you would have to stay hidden behind trashcans to avoid being caught by Natasha's gang when you had no home, knowing the fate of homeless people, especially girls. It all made your skin crawl.

"You should not change. Mrs. Romanoff would not appreciate that." Eva ignored what you were saying and it only made you angrier than before, "Yeah? News Flash! I don't care what your Mrs. Romanoff thinks." You muttered angrily while taking off your earing, in the process hurting your ear causing it to bleed a little from the piercing, probably caused by the heavy earrings. "Why are you so fucking obsessed with her?" You asked and watched as hurt flashed on Eva's face, you could never understand that girl, you thought she was like you, a victim but she appeared to be loyal to Natasha in her own twisted way. You decided then and there that counting on Eva for your escape would be stupid and dangerous.

"I am just trying to help you settle in but go ahead and get in some trouble with her." Eva's face contorted into anger, dropping her hands to her side, she gave you an exasperated look. "Ha! Like you fucking cared. If you cared for my situation even a tiny bit, your main concern should have been helping me escape this meaningless marriage not warning me about my choice of a fucking wedding dress!"

"If you escape, do you have any idea what will happen to me?"

"You can come with me! But no. You are too fucking obsessed with Natasha and-!"

"What's going on in here?" Natasha entered the room, her eyes flickering between you and Eva, observing the scenario in front of her, you both shut up instantly and started avoiding her gaze, you looked over at Eva who silently shook her head to you before turning to Natasha with a polite smile on her face, "Y/N hurt her ear and I was trying to he-"

"What? How?" Natasha's eyebrows furrowed instantly in worry and in two long strides, she was next to you, up close you could clearly see the expression on her face and it surprised you, you could not understand her thought process at all. The fact that she was actually treating you with such care and love (obsession according to you) was concerning. Natasha's hand gently touched your ear and you shivered under her touch, wincing when her finger grazed the piercing, "The earing was a little heavy, I think." Eva answered and you remained quiet, letting Natasha assess it.

Natasha let go of your ear before walking over to the vanity in the room, "Wanda asked for you, Eva." She informed and Eva bid her farewell, squeezing your hand in what you could think was her way of reconciliation of earlier and you mustered up a smile to her despite what you were feeling knowing she was the only person to who you could relate to here and the only person you could get information from without fearing for your life.

Eva left and closed the door behind her as Natasha turned around with a little tube of what you assumed was a lotion or some cream, "Why did you even wear it if it was heavy?" She asked, she seemed annoyed at you as she approached you, gently applying the cream to your earlobe, her fingers were gentle but you could still fill the sting or the puss in your piercing. "It matched the dress.." You admitted quietly and Natasha hummed in acknowledgment, "Does it still hurt?" She asked after she stopped applying the cream, her hand turning your face toward her, looking into your eyes with her jaded green one that pierced into your soul.

"A little..Thank you." You added reaching forward and placing your hand over hers, even if you didn't understand her behavior, you understood one thing clearly if you wanted to survive whatever this was, being in her good book was the only way you could manage it. It may be easier than you thought because the moment you uttered those words, a broad smile formed on Natasha's lips.

"You are welcome, Dove." Natasha's hand move to your cheek caressing gently and you turned away slightly to avoid her gaze it felt too intense, her fingers trailed down your neck to your shoulder where the dress strap was and you shivered at the feathery touch of her calloused fingers.

You gasped when her finger slipped under the strap and jerked you forward, your eyes shooting to hers, "Natasha.." You whispered her name and she hummed in acknowledgment, her eyes focused on the exposed skin of your  neck and collarbone, the hunger in them made you gulp in anticipation of her next move. You stood up when she pulled you up by her finger under the strap, "You looked so ravishing down there. It took everything in me to not take you right there." Natasha growled near your neck, her lips trailing the skin. Your hands shoot up to her chest, placing your hand on her coat's collar when she started placing soft kisses down your neck, making a path up to your collarbone.

"Natasha.." You called again trying to step back but she held you firmly in her arms, "Yeah?" The redhead asked biting on the skin of your neck, making you whimper, clutching onto her coat tighter, "I am sorry." You rushed out when she stopped her assault to find a new place to work on but you must have caught her off guard as she stopped completely, finally looking at you with her undivided attention which only seemed to make you panic. "I-I didn't mean to cut you off down there or talk like-"

Your head moved to the side as the sound of a slap filled the air between you two, it came so fast and unexpected that you cried out in shock first than the pain which was too sharp, you were sure if it wasn't her hand holding you, you would have fallen down. Before you could say anything else, her fingers wrapped tightly in your hair, pulling your face up to meet the fire in her green eyes, her features were turned into a scowl which blurred away as tears filled your eyes,

"Like what? Like I am some fool who you can walk all over?" She asked and you shook your head a little, her grip tightened holding your head still and your hand shoots up to hers, to ease the burning in your scalp, "I did not mean to I swear." You let your tears fall freely, you regretted bringing the topic up again, you just thought it would be better to apologize now when she was being so caring instead of Natasha remembering it later and getting mad.

Her other hand moved to your cheek gathering the tear rolling down your cheek on her finger, "What's this? You are crying already?" You looked up at her with your teary eyes hoping it would grant you some mercy from the woman in front of you. Natasha tsked while gathering your tears in her hand. "And I have just gotten started." She flicked the teardrop away and pouted mockingly at you. "It is okay, I will help you find the pleasure in pain." Natasha gave you an evil smile before leaning in to kiss your lips again.

Slowly nibbling on the flesh while you tried to stifle your moan until she moved to your neck while her hands pushed the dress off your shoulders completely. "Ah..Natasha." You gasped when she bit into the flesh just above your breast, her hands tapping your leg, urging you to get out of the white dress that sealed your fate to her, moments ago.

The second you were out of the dress, she pushed you back, making you fall on the bed and scramble back to get away, naively giving her space to get on. You watched as she took off her coat, rolling off her sleeves and unbuttoning two of her top buttons. Her clothed form reminded you of your own nudity as your hands moved to cover your chest.

A mistake. As the next thing you felt was a slap to your cheek, not hard enough to make you cry but enough to make you surrender at the sting. "What did I tell you this morning?" Natasha asked, her voice calm and collected as she crawled more on top of you, placing her knees on either side of you with your arms underneath her knees, putting you completely at her mercy. You tried to pull your arms but to no avail.

"Not to cover myself from you." You answered, voice lined with fear that increased with each passing second. "A fast learner, aren't you? Let's see if you remember this the next time you try to disrespect me." Natasha whispered in your ear before lightly nibbling your earlobe, sending jolts of shiver down your spine. She pushed away to take into your naked flesh and you momentarily held her gaze before flushing away in embarrassment.

It wasn't like you were ashamed of your body or had any body image issues but the way the older woman's eyes roamed freely over your body as if she owned it. She did think that, though. You thought to yourself and before your facial impression could match the way you were feeling, Natasha's hand moved to palm your breast and you moaned her name arching your back to her despite the want to get away.

"Call me Natalia." Natasha whispered into your ear before pinching your hard nub to remind you of her command, "N-Natalia.." You breathed out and watched the way her eyes closed with her smirk turning into a small smile before you could give the expression thought, the pinch got harder making you cry out and your hands shoot up to her nape, your fingers tangling in her hair, pulling at them.

You gasped at the raspy groan of pleasure that came from Natasha, her eyes reopened and filled with lust, she dipped down and took your hardened nub into her mouth while her other hand massaged your other breast, Your eyes shut closed and the only sound you could make was the soft mewls and whimpers of pleasure and pain. You could feel the wetness gushing out of you, your center throbbing with need. You tried rubbing your thighs together for any kind of friction but Natasha's fingernails dug into the soft flesh of your thigh, halting the movement completely before her knee moved between your thighs and against your pussy.

"Your body is begging for me to wreck you, Dove," Natasha said while pulling back and unbuttoning her shirt completely to reveal a black bra encasing her breast. You would have reacted to her statement but your eyes stayed glued to her cleavage until her index finger moved to your chin, tilting your face up, "My eyes are up here Darling."

You doubt that your face could get any more redder than it already was, "Sorry." You whispered into the air thick with arousal, you wondered if Natasha too was feeling the arousal in the air or was it just you. Natasha chuckled and leaned forward kissing her way from your breast to your center, "Please Natasha." You arched your body again to get her to do something but regretted it immediately as Natasha's hand collided harshly with your throbbing pussy in a sounding slap, and your arching seemed to have invited it.

You squealed from the suddenness of the movement, groaning in when the pain subsided into a tingle of pleasure that made you confused if you wanted it to happen again or to stop completely. "Natasha?" The red-head asked with a sharp raise of an eyebrow and you shook your head quickly, "Natalia.." You whispered which turned into a moan when the woman slapped your pussy again, followed by a whimper when the pain settled.

"Please.." You begged, hand moving toward your core in a futile attempt to relieve the burning for pleasure. Natasha gave you a look that had you halting your movement immediately, "Be a Darling and place your hands above your head." You followed the command as smoothly as it rolled off her tongue. She watched with satisfaction, "If it moves even a inch, You won't be able to walk tomorrow." She warned then chuckled to herself while you stared at her in fear.

"Honestly it doesn't matter. You won't be able to walk either way." Natasha answered your confusion and before you could give it much thought, her head dived between your legs, licking through your slick folds, having you writhing at her mercy. You moaned her name loudly, gripping tightly the sheet beneath your hand making sure to not move them at all. "Please Please Natalie.." You arched begging for Natasha to touch your clitoris with her tongue as she deliberately moved around it but never on it. Natasha pushed you down and you felt her fingers making their way in you.

Leaving you a little embarrassed as they easily slide in from all the wetness, You sensed that using 'Natalie' get her to do your bidding quickly and decided to not overuse it. Natasha pulled back and moved to suck on your breast as her hands worked on your center, stretching you, "Fuck," Natasha groaned above you as she added another finger, and your walls clenched on her fingers, "How will you take my cock if you can't take two of my fingers?" Natasha asked and you could hardly focus on her words as your orgasm started building up, "I-I don't know!"

You wrapped your arms around Natasha's neck pulling her into a deep kiss as your orgasm hit you in waves, your hips moving and riding her fingers to last your high, your head burying into her neck as you tried catching your breath. You didn't understand what changed at that moment but your heart thumbed in your ears and you felt a tingle which was far away from your orgasm when you heard Natasha laughing above you, the soft rumbling of her chest had you captivated, you couldn't help but lean forward and place a kiss against her chest.

"Tired, already?" Natasha asked when she watched you holding back a yawn, "We are just about to begin, my Love."  Her fingers glided out from you, making you whimper and close your legs. Your eyes widen and heat rushed to your cheeks and neck when she started licking her fingers clean, moaning at the taste. "You taste divine, My Little Wife." Natasha purred and you blushed deeper, turning your head slightly to look away.

"But we cannot forget the fact that you moved.." Natasha grabbed your wrists in one of her hands holding them back above your head as she hovered over you, pecking your lips with such tenderness that you thought she wasn't capable of and you stared up at her, all doe eyes hoping she would let go and you two could go to sleep.

Your desire to sleep was met with Natasha getting off you and getting to one side of the bed, You wanted to get up and watch her but you remained on the bed with your hands above your head, not wanting to further irk the older woman, You watched as she took out a strap on, your eyes following her every move, the way she took off her panties, putting on the strap on, you didn't think it was possible but you could feel your growing wet again just by watching her.

A part of you wanted to resent yourself for your body's reaction but even you were helpless to her expertise. In the end, you decided to tell yourself that it was all a part of the plan. Play a dutiful wife until you find the perfect opportunity to escape.

"This time.." Natasha walked back toward you, a look of satisfaction forming on her face when she noticed your hands just where she left them, the marks on your body only fuel her arousal. She wanted to cover every inch of you in her. "Don't you dare come without permission," Natasha warned and you flushed at the remark, whimpering when she pulled you up by your hair, the burning of your scalp making you cry out her name.

"Hush now." Natasha chided, ignoring your whimpers, "Better get this wet or it is going inside you as it is." She pushed your face down so it was level with her strap, you scrambled in position, on your hand and knees to avoid the pressure on your back. Natasha peered over at your center, her hand moving towards it, holding up your wetness to your face, "I don't think it would even need any lubrication with how wet you are." She said condescendingly and before you could bit back a remark she pushed her fingers deep into your mouth.

"Come on, clean your mess, Sweetheart." You choked on her fingers and she pushed deeper in, hitting your gag reflexes, you grimaced at the prospect of tasting yourself on her fingers. "What? You don't like that? Well, Let's try this." Natasha pushed her fingers out, replacing it with her strap, pushing deep into your mouth, using your hair to push it in and out, tears rolled down your face with how hard she was pushing and the degradation made you angrier than ever.

Natasha must have sensed the look on your face and she laughed, purposely pushing in deeper, "Now I know where to use that sharp mouth of yours. I bet if it wasn't busy choking on my cock, you would have said something too foolish to get on my nerves." Natasha spanked your ass when your expression didn't change, instantly you whimpered at the burning sting the slap left behind.

"Turn around." The redhead pulled out of your mouth and ordered, her strap slapping your cheek. You swallowed your pride and pushed it to the deepest corner of your mind and let your arousal take charge because each time the redhead spoke, the urge to reply with something equally sarcastic was there. You slowly turned around and heard Natasha groan again, her hand caressing your ass before a slap landed in its place again replaced by soft caressing, it was like she was enjoying the marking she was leaving behind.

"You don't know how much I have waited to do this," Natasha growled and pushed in all the way into your pussy making you jerk forward, her hands holding your ass in place as she thrust in and out while you let out silent moans of pleasure, a particularly hard thrust made you fall on your chest while the woman behind tried to reach deeper and deeper into you.

"Fuck.. I-" You were cut off by a slap to your ass while her thrust got stronger, "Don't you dare cum." Natasha growled, her hand threaded in your hair momentarily and you felt your wall clenching down on her strap as you tried holding back your orgasm, before you could tip over the edge her movement slowed down instantly and you cried out at the loss of the high you were about to reach.

"What the.." Her hand in your hair pulled you up before you could finish, "Finish that sentence and I will leave you here with a vibrator in your dripping cunt," She warned into your ear, biting down on your neck before placing kisses on the area as you breathed heavily trying to get yourself under control for whatever game the woman was about to play, "I understand.." You replied and groaned when she started moving again, pushing you back down not so gently, your hands fist the bedsheet when you felt yourself reaching your orgasm again in just a few more thrusts from the woman behind you.

"Are you close?"

You wished to do nothing but lie to the woman behind you to reach the high your body craved desperately but your mind wasn't foolish enough to sell yourself a night of peace for just few seconds of an orgasm even if it was the only thing in your mind right now. You bit your lip and nodded into the sheet, crying out when the woman slowed her pace again. You wanted to rip her neck off but restrained knowing you wouldn't be able to even if you tried. "Please.." You begged hoping Natasha would listen and let you have your peace but you were met with a laugh.

"You should have thought about it before mouthing off to me downstairs," Natasha answered before beginning to quicken get pace again. You knew she wouldn't forget, Natasha Romanoff never forgets. Or forgive for that matter. "Sad, This night could have been filled with pleasure for you but you, my dear little wife had to run your mouth and ruin it. Didn't you?" She asked rhetorically and pushed into you harder with each word of the last sentence making you scream in pleasure. You could feel tears rolling down your face when she slowed her pace again and you started apologizing. At this point, you didn't even want an orgasm. You just wanted her to stop.

Your wishes were denied again as Natasha started pushing in and out of you again at a fast pace, your body jerking with each movement, in just a few seconds you could feel your walls tightening around the strap, "Come for me, Y/N." It was like your body only needed to hear those three words and it did the rest on its own as you felt your walls tightening before tipping off the edge to the high it craved. You were sure that everyone in the mansion must have heard you by how loud you screamed in pleasure. Your voice would be hoarse tomorrow but at that moment you didn't care. Natasha helped you ride out the orgasm with slow thrusts in you.

You whimpered when she pulled out of you, your legs closing slightly involuntary, feeling Natasha placing kisses down your back before turning you around, you couldn't even keep your eyes open but the look of lust was evident on her face, you didn't know how it was possible but it only looked stronger. "Tired already, My love?" Natasha asked and you couldn't stop the sob that left your body followed by a small please.

"I-I can't take it anymore.." You whispered, your throat dry from all the screaming and moaning. You watched as a devilish smirk took its place on her beautiful face. "I would be the judge for that not you, My Little wife." She winked before pecking your lips and moving down to your overly sensitive core. The moment her mouth touched your inner thigh, you cursed your body for its reaction.

You could only hope for one thing before you felt Natasha's mouth on your center, licking through your slick folds. Freedom. Freedom from this cage she had built around you.

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[lokiskitten]

Loki Laufeyson | a little miracle

Loki Laufeyson x fem!reader

plot : After getting banned from Asgard, Loki found shelter in your home. You two easily grew closer as time passed, engaging in a long term relationship without you ever being able to carry his child due to the none-matching genetics. During Christmas Eve, you and the demigod stumble upon an abandoned baby on the steps of your porch.

warnings : mention of nudity and child abandon.

The 24th of December marked a rather cold and ruthless evening. The sun had set low hours ago, which allowed you and your long term love interest to spend a delightful night whilst having dinner nowhere far from the soothing sound and warmth which erupted from the working chimney. Even if he often criticized midgardian food, Loki had made an effort to worship your roasted chicken which in fact resembled what he used to eat every day whenever he still was allowed on the lands of Asgard. The man would often tell you about the nice adventures he had had the pleasure to experience, whilst also verbally exploring the many beauties that carried his homeland.

Of course, you never seemed to get tired of hearing his stories. His arrival in your life had offered you well needed company, especially as you lived far from the city; in a little country house within a low populated village. Besides, he was also the most interesting and intelligent man you ever got to meet. No matter how many bad actions you knew he had committed, your heart still managed to hold a special place for Loki within your chest. Often, you would reassure his anxiety by claiming that everyone deserves another chance. Long story short : you felt overly grateful that he was now here to keep you safe and sound.

After dinner, the two of you had moved to the couch before the chimney, easily getting rid of your clothes and engaging in a never ending cuddle- the type of snuggles that you liked the best : skin to skin. Feeling his warmth against yours made the fire from the chimney appear irrelevant, and the sweet caresses he offered your sensitive body felt better than any silk sheets anyone could ever dream to possess. These kind of moments were never about sex, but always about sharing a special and dedicated contact with the man you had fallen in love with. Surely the two of you often allowed yourselves to spend some sexually pleasurable time together, but those kind of cuddles overcame any of these private intercourses.

His lips collided against yours in a smooth manner, both of your respective eyelids remaining closed as his naked body rested between your legs. You never grew tired of those motions, your organism constantly begging for more and reacting to any touch coming from your partner. His hips rocked against yours just so slightly, the dry humping being part of the overall loving mannerisms. And right now, it was enough to satisfy you. However, an unwelcome detail managed to flash itself back into your mind, pulling you out of the romantic moment you were attempting to spend with Loki. Opening your eyes, you allowed your palms to rest against his shoulders in order to stop him through his motions.

“I forgot to turn off the candle on the porch..” you murmured, earning a tired groan coming from the large man. “I won’t be long.” You affirmed after you had laid a loving kiss on his cheek, watching as the demigod sat up in order to allow you to shift off the couch. Your hand reached out for your sweater and panties, putting both of those pieces of clothing back on before lazily making your way until the front door. Scratching the back of your neck, you finally pushed open the door of your house before taking a step forward in order to be able to put your hand on the candle. However, your foot stumbled upon a foreign mass, easily leading you to step back out of surprise as unhappy cries began to escape the layers of dirty drapes.

Your hand landed against your chest, orbs starring down at the scary sight that you wish wasn’t what you thought it was. However, it undeniably was and remained an abandoned baby resting on your porch. Your first reflex was to seek for any silhouette lurking within the darkness of the snowy night, eyes squinting as you attempted to distinguish the potential parents of this child. “Hello?!” Fear echoed in your voice, though you soon gave up on trying to figure out who had left this child here as you couldn’t tell for how long this poor baby had been laying on your doorstep- which allowed you to jump to the conclusion that those gruesome individuals were probably gone and far by now.

You looked back down at the newborn who now only allowed a few tired whimpers to escape their lips, body crouching down so that your hands would be able to remove the layer of sheet which covered their face. Upon being revealed to the light, a new whine echoed throughout your ears, your empathetic self feeling sorrow invade your organism. You picked up the baby with a lot of care, face still diverted towards their grimacing one right before Loki finally made an apparition behind your silhouette. “What’s taking your so long-“ he began to ask, the smile on his face fading away as soon as you turned around and revealed the child to his bare eyes.

“Where did you find this?” He asked on a tensed tone, visibly not appearing too happy about seeing you carry a foreign toddler. “I found it on our porch. Someone must’ve left him there...” you admitted on a sorrowful tone, looking down at the little piece of sunshine who clearly didn’t deserve to be in the situation they were in. Your empathetic self couldn’t even believe that people still did those kind of things nowadays. It disgusted you to even think of it. “Put it back.” Loki demanded, earning a confused yet absolutely irritated stare coming from you. “Are you mental? I told you I found it right here. Who am I supposed to return this child to?” You answered sadly, feeling more than shocked by your partner’s inappropriate and rude behavior.

Loki looked down at the baby’s face, earning a few gasps from the newborn who kept their eyes closed. No form of care nor empathy seemed to show on the grown man’s face- which once again was a detail that left you speechless. “We can’t leave it there. Poor thing would freeze to death.” You affirmed whilst gently rocking the baby in order to make sure it would stay calm and sleepy. Loki remained silent for a couple of seconds, his mind probably trying to find a good response to your previous statement. “What if.. what if we kept it?” You suddenly offered, looking up at your lover who simply scoffed as a response. “Keep it? This isn’t a fairytail. You can’t just keep a child like this.” Loki answered harshly. Currently, if both of your arms haven’t been required to carry the toddler, the demigod would’ve probably earned a slap across his face.

“You’ll bring him to the authorities tomorrow. Now let’s get inside.” Loki ordered, turning back around as he began to take a few steps forward in order to join the warmth of the house. However, you stopped in front of the doorstep. “Why are you acting like this? This isn’t like you.” You accused sadly, your arms still patiently rocking the child. The truth was, this situation simply reminded Loki of his own past- how Odin had found him abandoned on a rock on Jotunheim. He had suffered due to his new environment mixing up with who he truly was, and didn’t wish to put anyone through the same bother he once had to go through. “Everyone deserves a chance.” You suddenly affirmed, causing the demigod to stop through his track. This statement struck him right through his heart.

Your eyes anxiously stared at his back, waiting for an answer coming from your partner who had decided to behave so harshly. Loki finally ended up turning around, green eyes making contact with yours as he slowly began to make his way back to you. Face to his silence, your anxious self couldn’t help but add a few decisive words. “It’s the child we’ve always wanted. It’s a.. miracle.” You affirmed sadly, feeling tears fill up your orbs at the thought of finally being able to look after a child of your own. Of course, Loki knew how much this topic meant to you, and that even if he had never planned to have children of his own before stumbling upon you and your desires. But in that child, he couldn’t help but see himself.

Patiently, the demigod accepted to take a new look down at the baby who now had their eyes open, a gentle whimper escaping their lips upon making eye contact with the adult male. Loki took the initiative to take the toddler out of your arms, carrying it in his own limbs without ever speaking a word as he made his way towards the chimney. The demigod had began to gently rock the toddler, looking down at them and allowing the baby to toy with his long strands of black locks whilst he patiently sang to them in that beautiful Asgardian language of his. He kept a low tone, making sure not to scare the baby without ever breaking the eye contact he had engaged with the toddler.

Leaning against the entrance of the living room, you finally allowed yourself to smile out of relief face to this soothing sight. This was everything you’ve ever wanted : seeing Loki carry a child, and that even if it wasn’t necessarily yours. No matter where this baby came from, this house would now become his home.

AHHH thank you so much for 1000 followers!!!!! I couldn’t feel more grateful. For the occasion, I had to write something for you guys. It’s different from what y’all probably have the habit to read, but I hope it was enjoyable to read still! Love you and take care!!! Special tag for @seasexnsun who turned out to be my 1000th follower!

[tetsuwhore]

𝐈𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐝 𝐁𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝 | 𝐀𝐭𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐮, 𝐎𝐬𝐚𝐦𝐮

Description: Atsumu and Osamu ‘helping’ their virgin bestfriend.

Warning: explicit content. loss of virginity. 

Length: 1.2k words

Part 1 (Kuroo, Oikawa, Akaashi)

there is no shame between you two. you two are very open when it comes to discussing the topic of sex, so it isn’t even weird when he starts complaining about the previous night and how it took him a ‘whole five minutes’ of jerking off to cum

you scoff, immediately shooting back that for the average woman, it takes much, much longer than ‘a wHoLe fiVe mINuTeS’

but when you mindlessly add something about how you’ve never been able experience any pleasure while fingering yourself anyway?

that’s when his ears really perk up

now the gears are grinding in his head - the way Atsumu thinks of it is, why wouldn’t it make sense for him to offer to help you with your little ‘problem’? 

with his fair share of experiences, not only has he had plenty of open conversations with past partners about how they like being touched, but he’s also had the practice to hone his technique

and, he’s good. he knows he’s good. so at least this way, Atsumu can guarantee that your first sexual experience is with someone who actually cares about your pleasure rather than with a partner who half asses it and leaves you unsatisfied

Atsumu: just sayin’ 😏  settin’ ain’t the only thing these fingers are useful for 😎 🤪 👅

You: kindly stfu and never speak to me again 🥰

ultimately though, you agree. even if Atsumu goes about the whole ordeal with his usual smug demeanour, you know he’s still your best friend, and you can trust that he’s going to take good care of you

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

You don’t know what’s more embarrassing - the squelching sounds of Atsumu’s fingers pumping into your slopping cunt, or the high-pitched cries that he’s luring out of your lips. Either way, it’s not like you have the current mental capacity to care anyway. 

Not when you’re too busy grinding your clit against his calloused palm, all while the tips of his digits continue abusing that spongy spot inside you. The sensation is so delicious, so different from all those nights spent alone, just you and your own fingers. No, Atsumu’s are longer, bigger; they’re stretching you out to accommodate the thickness.  

And he knows exactly how to use them, curling and prodding just right, until...

“‘Tsumu… I-I’m-” 

Atsumu chuckles when you begin writhing around involuntarily, nails frantically gripping for purchase on his tensed arm. He allows you to curl into him, pulling your form closer to his broad chest as you bury your face into the crook of his neck and sob out soft whines of his name. 

“Mhmm, just like that,” he murmurs into your ear, voice uncharacteristically gentle, “Relax, relax, I got ya.”

His fingers only cease their movements when you weakly tug at his arm, coaxing him away from your overstimulated core.

“So... I’d ask if it was good, but from all that squirmin’ and moanin’, I guess it’s safe to assume it was?”

Cracking your eyes open to the sight of a smug smirk on his face, you shoot him a glare as you huff.

“Fuck you, Atsumu.”

Your breath chokes up in your throat when he grunts in response, tone serious, “I could, yanno. Give ya a taste of what a real man can do. At least before ya end up with some loser who shows ya a half-assed fuck that barely makes ya shiver.” 

Atsumu grins when you slowly nod, visibly gulping as you watch his hands unbuckle his belt to free the large bulge in his boxers. 

“Hmm, maybe if ya cum nice and hard on my cock like a good girl, I’ll reward ya by usin’ my tongue next.”

even if you’re close friends with Osamu, it’s still unlikely that he’s all that open about his sex life. therefore, you may not regularly have conversations about his past hookups (or your lack of them)

what you do know, however, is that he’s not quite the inexperienced virgin that people often picture him to be when they compare his outward image to that of Atsumu’s

which is why you’re not too worried about Osamu refusing to help when you approach him about you wanting to learn how to give someone a handjob

at first, he brushes you off, saying you could always just learn from porn

you both know he’s not actually serious - porn, with its glamourized visuals and performative nature, probably wouldn’t be the most realistic source to learn from

eventually, Osamu relents, sighing something about how he’d generously lend you his expertise so you don’t ‘end up accidentally breaking some dude’s dick off’

though, he would stipulate that since you were going to see him orgasm, it was ‘only fair’ that he got to watch you too. he suggests that you could simply limit it to masturbating in front of him if you didn’t want to go any further

Osamu knows how scary the vulnerability of having your first sexual experience can be, and he reasons that by doing this, he can help you learn to grow a little more comfortable with it

so when it comes to actually carrying out your request, he’s gentle with you, offering quiet instructions and reassurances as you hesitantly handle his weighty cock in your hand

and if you’re still a little shy when it’s time to fulfill your end of the bargain? Osamu’s already prepared with another solution, one that he’s sure you’ll enjoy immensely

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

“If yer not gonna do it,” you hear him say, “why don’t ya let me?”

Your shaky fingers still, slipping out of your core. If you thought you were embarrassed before, it’s only gotten worse now, a flashing heat crawling up your neck as you fully comprehend what Osamu’s suggesting. 

You wait a moment, allowing a second to pass, and then another. Swallowing it in, gaining some semblance of composure. Then, you nod.

“Mhmm, ‘kay. Want my fingers or tongue?”

Now this was too much. You’re thankful that your eyes are shut, because facing your best friend now surely would’ve made you combust. With whatever courage you can muster up, you stammer your answer.

“T-Tongue, ple-please.”

You barely even have time to inhale, because now you can feel his hot breath fanning across your cunt, and you oh- you can’t even squirm anymore because his strong arms are holding your thighs down to the bed, and oh- oh- he’s licking.

He’s licking, tongue swiping up from your dripping slit, curling all the way to your swollen clit. Osamu’s pace is lazy, languid, and yet, it’s teasing all the right spots, prodding your sensitive bud over and over in a repetitive motion that makes you tangle your fingers into the sheets so you don’t lose yourself entirely.

“F-Fuck, ‘Samu, th-that feels... sooo much better than, ah- than my fingers…”

Your eyes widen when you feel him chuckling against you, the vibrations running straight to your core. Daring to glance down, you see Osamu’s grey head lift up as his dark eyes lock on yours. They’re mischievous, just like the slight grin on his face. Your breath hitches when his tongue darts out, licking the slickness coating his lips.

“Don’tcha worry. By the time I’m done with ya, yer never gonna be able to go back to just ya fingers.”