#these are just old ones from my rp days that i think are finally behind me since no one is around to write with anymore

[knbposting]

more woe, kagami icons upon ye / aomine / kise

[onyxmilk]

Senku Ichigami x gn!Reader; “Our Daughter”

notes; 110% based off an rp plot i have w a friend AGAIN :3 (ps beta reader is in fact the rp partner of the aforementioned rp and i am proud) tw; minor character death mention (just a made up character), reader gets called ‘mama’ but isn’t specified with a gender, senku and reader adopt a kid after the mother goes kapoot wc; 1k

Senku looked out into the distance, watching the sun rise. He smiled before he heard a twig snap behind him, making the seventeen year old look behind him. Senku couldn’t help but let a warm smile grace his face when he realized it was his partner, [YourName].

“What are you doing awake?” [YourName] asked, wrapping the blanket they had around themselves. Senku just chuckled, bringing his partner closer. [YourName] unwrapped one side of the blanket and allowed Senku to join them under the blanket. “You know I enjoy the sun rise.” Senku chuckled, kissing [YourName]’s head.

Senku doesn’t know what he would have done if [YourName] didn’t also break out of the stone. Senku looked down at his partner from High School, smiling warmly, the smile just made [YourName] look over and at him confused.

[YourName] smiled, “What’s on that magnificent brain of yours, Senku?” they asked finally making the couple laugh. Before Senku could reply, there were rushed foot steps coming up behind Senku and [YourName]. The noise made [YourName] immediately go into attack mode, pushing themselves off of Senku.

When it was revealed to just be a a villager, [YourName] visibly relaxed. “What’s wrong?” Senku then asked, “It’s.. It’s Iolite.” was all the villager had to say to make both [YourName] and Senku to rush back to the village.

Iolite was a villager within Ishigami village that Senku was 99.9% sure had cancer, but even when proposing her with medicine to halt the affects of it for just a little bit- the woman refused. She had just had a daughter and wanted the course of her life to go naturally. Senku had to respect that.

The three rushed back to the village and into the hut that Iolite and her daughter slept in, as Iolite’s husband had died just a few weeks before her daughter’s birth. “What’s happening?!” Senku asked as he attempted to catch his breath, “I think it’s time, Senku..” Iolite whispered weakly.

Senku knew even if he were to whip up a drug for Iolite, it wouldn’t do jack. The cancer had spread to unknown areas now, and if Iolite truly thought she was on death’s door- then she must’ve been. Iolite was such an optimistic woman, but she wasn’t dumb.

“What?!” [YourName] asks quietly, noticing the thick layer of seriousness that had just settled into the atmosphere around them. “But your.. your daughter, Iolite!” [YourName] said worriedly, Senku just threw an arm up to shush his significant other.

All Iolite could do was smile as best as she could, “Senku, [YourName]..” the woman spoke before coughing catching both’s attention. “I’d like if you took Opal, I don’t trust anyone else.” Iolite said, making [YourName] gasp and cover their mouth. “Iolite, surely an elder is a better option-“ Senku attempted to reason but the woman shook her head.

“I’ve entrusted you with my life since day one of meeting you both, it would be an honor for Opal to be raised by you both” Iolite said, watching as the two almost young adults look at each other. She smiled when both of them nodded their heads, “Please… I’d love to hold her one last time..” Iolite requested.

Senku hesitated for a moment but he made his way to the crib, gently picking up the mere four month old and gently placed her into the arms of her biological mother. For the next hour, [YourName] and Senku sat around with Iolite until it truly was her time.

Iolite’s grip got weak on her daughter and [YourName] immediately swooped in and collected Opal from the woman’s arms. Opal began to cry as Senku confirmed the death, as if the baby just knew her biological mother was dead.

[YourName] stepped out of the hut and began comforting Opal, gently rocking her and whispering promises of protection to her. Senku soon exited the hut too and walked in [YourName]’s direction. Senku, now known as Papa Senku, gently placed a hand on the back of Opal.

Opal slowly stopped crying now that she had two people comforting her. “I don’t know if i can do it, Senku.” [YourName] spoke, doubting themselves. Senku shook his head, gently wiping Opal’s tears from her face. “You’ll do amazing.” Senku comforted.

A few months had passed since the death of Opal’s biological mother. Opal was now nine months old, and everything began to fall into place. a routine was set so that Senku and [YourName] could try and even out the amount of time they got with their daughter.

Senku was holding a crying Opal while [YourName] was out doing small chores. “I don’t get whats gotten you so fussy..” Senku said gently, trying to offer a bottle to Opal which she pushed away. “M…Mama!” Opal finally cried, Senku choked on air for a second trying to process that his daughter had spoken her first words.

“Mama?” Senku then questioned confused, he had to think for a moment- Opal wanted [YourName]. Senku sighed and shook his head, “Nuh-uh, Opal, Mama is busy. They’ll be back later.” he spoke gently to the crying baby. The news seemed to have made Opal even more upset.

Thirty minutes later, [YourName] had rushed into the room. “What happened?!” They asked, offering their arms to hold Opal. Senku gently put Opal into his partner’s arms, “I could hear her cries when I was outside the hut, what the hell happened?!” [YourName] asks gently rocking their daughter.

“You left, she’s been upset, and get this- she called for you.” Senku laughed, itching the inside of his ear to try and coax them to relax. “She.. She what?” [YourName] asked now that the room was silent as Opal realized who was holding her.

“Mama..” The nine month old repeated from earlier, this time more clear than before. “Oh! Oh my goodness! I’m sorry that I left, baby!” [YourName] said sadly, gently swaying their body to rock their daughter.

Senku simply laughed, “I’ll let you two bond.” he said. He made his way over, kissed Opal’s head before kissing [YourName]’s lips. “Love you..” Senku whispered, “Love you more.” [YourName] replied quietly.

[pikmininaplane]

Fit lore!! I’d love to hear about your thoughts for Phil figuring out fits secret if you’d like to share, the same thought has been floating around in my head as well lol

OHOHOHOHO friend I love you /p I'm putting this under a read more because I. Ended up writing a lot more than intended–

So the thought came to me the day before Fit's lore, when Fit asked Phil if he'd be there the next day. Obviously it didn't mean anything else than "will you attend the event/will I see you tomorrow my friend ?", but my brain immediately went "what if Phil was involved in Fit's lore"

This, combined with the fact that I've been hoping someone would find out about qFit's secret or at least get sus of his behaviour, led me to believe that qPhil would be the best person that could find out about it, actually

'cause like– first of all, qPhil is probably the person qFit's closest to, without counting Ramón or any of the eggs. I mean, he's friendly towards most people, and gets along pretty well with qBad, qPac and qMike, but qPhil has literally given qFit access to his eggs' bunker, which, to my knowledge, he'd only given to qMissa and qWill, the fathers of said eggs, before. qPhil, who would probably have earned the #1 paranoid dad crown if qBBH hadn't been around, fully trusts qFit with his children.

And like I said, I really want someone to find out about qFit's secret, but like. Wouldn't it be more interesting if it were someone qFit is close to ? Someone qFit trusts, but also someone who trusts qFit ?

Also, as much as I want someone to know at least part of the truth, I don't want everything to be revealed to everyone yet, and I feel like most people, if they found out about qFit's secret, would reveal it to the others – some others, at least. Would qCellbit or qMaximus hide it from the Ordo Theoritas ? Would qBaghera, qForever or qBad hide it from each other ? Would the people actively investigating the island keep the existence of a third, unknown party to themselves ? Well... maybe. That is up to discussion. But they'd want to tell, at least, and that's not what I wish for.

Now qPhil ? qPhil is a lot less involved in the lore, or even in the RP itself (no shade, I love ccPhil, his character and the way he plays him) – he isn't even part of the Ordo Theoritas. He's not really interested in solving the island's mysteries – his priorities lie with the eggs and their safety.

I truly think qPhil would be a friend qFit could confide in. Because let's be real, qFit could probably use one – mans has been lying to everyone on the island for months, and the only one that knows part of his secret is Ramón, his 3 months old child, who he hasn't even told everything. Between that and the growing pressure (for real, what's with the cats appearing around him,,) qFit is under, he can't keep it all to himself forever.

I don't think qFit would tell him himself, though – and neither do I think qPhil would ask. I mean, even if he thinks qFit's chat messages are suspicious, he isn't the type to inquire about it.

... But accidents happen, y'know ?

[As he jumps down the elevator shaft, Phil can't quite shake off the feeling that something's wrong. That whatever Fit's doing down there, it isn't any of his business, and he should probably just go back up and tell Fit to meet him at his gym, or anywhere, really.

But, well. He's already there. Might as well go further.

The trail of torches leads him deeper and deeper, until it finally stops, in a tunnel like any other. But Phil isn't a fool. He can hear the faint tapping of keys.

It only takes him a few seconds to find the hidden entrance.

Fit stands up as he comes in.

The room is small, barely big enough to breathe, and dark. Its only light comes from the computer screen sitting on the wooden desk, in the middle of the room, between the two men.

Neither of them speak.

Phil can see the thoughts flashing behind Fit's eyes. He's certain of it now, he's found something he shouldn't have found, and Fit has yet to decide how to react. Unconsciously, his hand has moved closer to his trident; consciously, Phil prepares himself to grab his sword.

But Fit doesn't attack. He simply places his hand in front of himself and gives Phil an awkward yet friendly smile.

"Hey, Phil ! Didn't expect to see you there... !"

Phil wishes he could just return his smile and pretend like nothing’s wrong. Ignore what he’s seeing and go back to Chayanne and Tallulah.

... but it's a little too late for that, isn't it ?

"Oi, mate," he calls out as he crosses his arms. "What are you up to."]

... something about leitmotivs and Phil finding out people's secrets by walking into their secret underground rooms...

So yeah, TL;DR: I want someone to find out about qFit’s secret because it’s a shame such a huge share of the lore is kept, well, secret, and I think qPhil would be a perfect first confident because they’re really good friends and he wouldn’t just tell anyone :] Plus I love their relationship and I’d love to see it being explored more please I’m begging

(Also I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one who's been thinking about it and I'd love to hear your own thoughts if you're willing to share them 👀)

[lorezhaze]

🩸⚔️ Roleplay Partner Search! ⚔️🩸

🌟 Introduction -

Lo | 23 | He/They EST time zone.

Very minimal triggers and limitations

Preferably 21+ writers, only 18+ characters

mxm, nbxm or nbxnb

3rd person literate writing, at least a paragraphs length

Discord only

I love world building and knowing the other character’s feelings. I also love getting to know my rp partners and becoming friends of sorts. I'm also a sucker for creating playlists and Pinterest boards.

NSFW scenes and/or undertones/themes at some point. I do like smut, especially paired with angst and certain dynamics, but if that isn’t your thing and our writing styles are otherwise compatible we can always keep it limited or fade to black. 🤍

CW(!): From here down, my plots or OC’s backgrounds may contain triggering content, I try to remain vague and non-descriptive given these are just outlines!

🌟 Plots I’m willing to explore -

Reese Willow is a fledgling vampire who is sent on a mission by his sire to target and take down an infamous vampire hunter's son, only for the plane Reese was following him on to crash land. After a handful of months, only Reese and the other man are the only survivors remaining, until it's just Reese. For the next 29 years Reese remains stranded, walking along the wilderness in a daily routine like a ghost, until another vampire finally picks up his weak delusional voice amongst the many and seeks him out.

Forbidden love, childhood friends who become estranged because of (Daniel)’s strict parents and eventually moving away to the other side of the country, then when (Daniel) comes back for college under his father's supervision (despite being over 18 now) and the two former friends are completely different from each other now (Daniel) for his public image by default just goes with the other popular wealthy students while the former childhood friend is more down to earth and nerdy and their groups/cliches clash to the point where (Daniel) is sort of a bully this friend as this 'tough guy' front. A short lived (private/behind the scenes, kinda toxic and probably on and off again) ‘situationship’ takes place in that time until the 4 year degree is finished (but Daniel transfers out half a year early) and a handful more years later (Daniel) has settled down in that old town again, slowly starting to get his life together and take responsibility for being a dad now himself but he also cant stop thinking about the childhood friend/lover.

The only son of a wealthy family clashes with their parents every chance he gets, rebels, tries his best to be untraditional and overall just piss them off hires an unconventional sex worker named Emmy an obscene amount of money to come home with him for the weekend and pretend to be his significant other and/or fiance. Feelings develop and it becomes really complicated when his father eventually like offers him an opportunity that is nearly impossible to turn down and he has the choice to either leave them behind with nothing to the life that was nearly killing them or give up his own cushy lifestyle and let love prevail. Alternatively, a older man who thinks he’s straight, has a successful career, empty marriage and multiple kids ends up falling in love with a slightly younger intersex and narcoleptic sex worker, the first and only sex worker he hires.

Post-apocalyptic setting, Celeste the final survivor of a run down camp continues to live among the undead of their loved ones. Another survivor from a nearby camp stumbles upon the ruins of the previous camp while scavenging and sees someone alive on the other side of the fence, living with the dead as if they were dead as well. Day by day they come back, bringing their new things, trying to bring some life back into them again.

Damon is a serial killer that moves around city to city state to state every year to kill another local predator in hopes that one day he'll manage to take down the number of men (whose faces he can't remember) who abused him, using his job as a criminal data analyst to not only cover up his killings but also look for new targets that may have missed the sex offender registry or dodged conviction despite solid proof against them. This time when he moves to a new city and gets settled in he finds that somebody else had already gotten to his potential target, not only that, this didn't seem to be the first killing like this in the area. But this time the perpetrator left a tiny piece of evidence that everyone else but Damon noticed, and instead of turning it in to help solve the case he keeps it to himself with peaked interest.

16th - 19th century setting ✨

Enemies to lovers, a member of the royal family ends up falling for a knight that saves their life, unfortunately, this knight just happens to be the royal’s childhood enemy.   The youngest son of a royal is 7th in line for the throne and has health issues, thus has no chance of inheriting the throne. in attempts to grasp onto any bit of power his father has, the royal marries off his frail and feminine son as a wife to a prince of another territory, an upcoming heir of a throne (loosely inspired by sporus and nero).

The King allowed his son (Lucien) to be abused by his painting instructor growing up, all this rage builds up and explodes when Lucien tries to convict his instructor, but the King instead pardons the boy’s abuser during a set of public trials outside the castle. Lucien, a teenager and young Prince at the time, kills his father in front of everyone, unintentionally becoming King himself from then on. Despite exiling his abuser after the bloody trial, the then Prince, now King is seen as cruel and scary, not to be crossed even nearly ten years later. Meanwhile, a citizen with a sick sister is caught stealing medicine. Being on trial with King Lucien is scary enough, but medicine thieves in particular are known to be punished heavily, since the Princess, who is one of the only people thats kind to the prince-now-king, makes a majority of the medicine available. During a public trial, the thieve’s mother pleads for his life and Lucien realizes that the thief is someone he knew, that he had recognized those fearful eyes from somewhere else. He was amongst the crowd when he killed his own father. He spares the thief, and allows the best doctors to treat his ill sister. As long as he works directly for him in the castle until his debt is repaid. 

It is tradition for the royal family to keep their children within the gates of the castle and away from the public eye until they are grown enough to handle it. The Princess was introduced to society at the age of 13, but every year the reveal of their younger and troubled son (Lucien) his delayed for various vague reasons. Everyone is both eager and suspicious, which doesn’t help matters. This is when the royal parents essentially give up when the boy turns 21, allowing him out with no announcement to the public. While practically frolicking through the flowery fields, enjoying the feeling of the grass and the new sights, he has a love-at-first-sight moment with another boy (your character). This is just an ordinary boy from a hard working family, and since the Prince was never revealed, he has no idea the boy he’s immediately smitten with is the Prince everyone is eagerly awaiting to meet. That is until he finds out, obviously.

(Movie theme) The Hunger Games, two people from opposite teams. Queer themes; gay men, trans person called upon as their assigned gender at birth. Exploring the earlier hunger games (11-50th), escaping and/or faking deaths, etc.

(Movie theme) Ego: Character A gets hurt and temporarily loses their vision. While their wealthy parents look for a medical solution, they have them live in the guest house and hire a caregiver, character B, to stop by everyday and take care of them. Naturally, character a and the caregiver get close, but there’s a big problem: character A is a superficial, seemingly shallow and straight. As a result, character B feels pressured to lie about their identity and what they look like when character A tries to guess what they are like. 

Advanced AI recently developed, now available to the public for purchase in the last 5 years. Man born into generational wealth has no interest in marriage anytime soon despite being good looking, smart and successful. Despite being happy with this life, his house is beyond messy with books haphazardly stacked everywhere and take out containers everywhere. Somebody in his life decides to take it upon themselves to purchase him an android, to which the first time in his life he starts growing feelings for somebody.. something? As if it wasn't confusing enough, did the android have feelings for him as well? (Inspired by Detroit: Become Human)

Stalker falls in love with someone, all falls apart when things go too well and their obsession crosses paths with them and they eventually go out, but break up. stalker is determined to watch over their lover while also keeping others away from them until they “come to their senses” on their own time.

I’m more than willing to hear out any of your plots/ideas as well! ✨

🌟 OCs -

Bios/docs linked to each character, each doc includes a linked Pinterest board, some also include Spotify playlists.

Lucien - Usually aged between 21-23 yrs old, cisgender male (bisexual, switch/sub-leaning). Medieval prince, alternate versions of character for different plots.

Reese Willow - Vampire stranded in the Canadian wilderness for nearly 30 years after a plane crash he ended up inevitably being the sole survivor of.

Emrys - 23 yrs old, cisgender gnc man (doesn't mind any pronouns but still identifies as a man, doesn't take gender too serious, bisexual, switch/sub-leaning). Oldest sibling of a chaotic troubled family, natural caretaker, feminine man with motherly qualities. Works in assistive care.

Deana - 31 yrs old, cisgender man (bicurious, switch/dom-leaning). (Bruce Wayne/Batman inspired) Only child of a wealthy well-known family turned orphan at a young age now upholds his family's public image and business affairs while in private he works as a hitman for hire.

Celeste - 27 yrs old, gender-fluid (Intersex, queer). Final survivor of a run down camp continues to live among the undead of their loved ones.

Emmy - 22 yrs old, nonbinary/intersex (AMAB, all pronouns, queer, switch/sub-leaning. Sex worker, narcoleptic insomniac estranged from wealthy adopted family, taken away from single immigrant mother when they were young.

Daniel Laurie - 26 yrs old, cisgender man (bicurious, dominant yet flexible). Recovering addict and childhood abuse survivor trying to make it back in his home town (after being gone for a handful of years) while longing after his childhood love affair.

Damon - 24 yrs old, cisgender man (bisexual, switch). Crime DNA analyst/serial killer, CSA abuse survivor. Originally written to have a power/ability where he can feel and somewhat influence nearby people's emotions, this in turn leaves his emotions open to others, meaning nearby people can sense his emotions even if they don't know why they're feeling them.

Del  - 23 yrs old, cisgender man (bisexual, switch). Custom outlawed species character called a bloodluster (similar to vampires), after his biological father got captured/taken away his mother fled to another state where she met his 'adoptive' father and shortly after found out she had been pregnant when she left. Not long after he was born, his mother died and a good portion of his life was spent raised being experimented on in a lab. Until one day he found an opening, and ate his mad scientist of an adoptive father. Now he's off in the world, trying to get by as a normal person despite his "condition" without killing anybody.

Lena - 26 years old, nonbinary (AFAB, they/she, bisexual, switch/dom-leaning) Obsessive stalker from a broken family.

Folder of all character bios (some incomplete): [link]

Fandoms/Ships I’m willing to explore: 

(Bolded characters are those I’m willing to write as)

IWTV

- Louis x Lestat

OFMD

- Izzy/Blackbeard

- Izzy/Blackbeard/Stede

- Izzy/Lucius

- Jim/Lucius

HANNIBAL

- Will/Hannibal 

MR ROBOT

- Tyrell/Elliot

Candy Shop AU No 5/9 hacks or fsociety, Tyrell runs a Swedish sweets/candy store that lately Elliot frequently visits for the same fix of cherry hard candies, and to steal glances at the good-looking store clerk. After talking it out in therapy, Elliot’s therapist, Krista, convinces him to be honest about how he feels.

Post-Apocalypse AU After the world goes to shit whatever left of New York that wasn’t completely ruin down by the undead is primarily taken over by a few different groups. When Elliot’s group becomes completely run down with major fatalities, Tyrell’s group (which he happens to lead) decides to lend a hand to an old friend. Little does Tyrell know Elliot was injured in the attack, and little does Elliot know the infection is less straight forward than they anticipated. 

UNTIL DAWN

- Josh/Chris

- Josh/Mike (Post-prank, twins live AU) Josh is the openly gay friend in the group, Mike becomes curious after walking in on Josh hooking up with someone at a party and later can’t get it out of his head.

Other beloved honorable mentions include: Batman (riddlebat, batjokes), Killing Eve, Sally Face, Yellowjackets, The Wilds, Scream (Billy/Stu), Sherlock, Life is Strange (Nathan and Warren) and sometimes Harry Potter (Drarry).

Discord only, please reach out to me if you're interested!

[tixdixl]

For all four of yours?

skin: How comfortable is your OC in their skin? Do they grapple with anything that lives inside them—a beast, a curse, a failure, a monster? How do they face the smallest, weakest, most horrible version of themself? Are they able to acknowledge it at all?

OH THIS IS VERY FUN. Thank you!

Just a heads up warning, this response is going to be incredibly long. So I apologize in advance 😅

Oisín: this is a very interesting question to ask of my dullahan. It's a combination of being comfortable in their own skin while existing in a world that is fundamentally critical or even frightened of them. Humans think of dullahan as monsters. Humans think of dullahan as crewel, as inhumane, as evil. But they... aren't. Their sense of morality when it comes to their role is fundamentally different than humans.

This is what has led them to hiding their headlessness. They start with the TV monitor in public and then move to finding a way to actually wear their own head just to blend in with the general public. But when they are in private, in the safety of those who they love and trust, the TV Monitor or their head comes off. They allow themself to be truly themself, and they stop masking.

Kingsley: OH I FINALLY GET TO TALK ABOUT MY BOY AND WHAT'S BEHIND THE MASK.

So Kingsley is constantly told he is a failure by his parents. This starts as early as ~8-10 years old when his father conducts the first "test" that is done on children in their culture. Because they live in a society where experience is considered a better teacher than mentorship, his father essentially pulls a FMA where he drops Kingsley off in the woods as a boy and tells him to figure out a way to survive for 3 days. If he is able to survive the wilderness, then he will be brought back home. During these 3 days, Kingsley gets into a really nasty fight with a mama bear, and while he does survive it, he walks away with some pretty nasty wounds. He almost loses his eye because of it. When his father returns to pick him up, Kingsley gets really excited. Because in their culture, scars from war are seen as evidence of survival. They are celebrated, because it shows the world that you were strong enough to endure whatever it is you faced. But... instead of being proud of Kingsley for surviving, he is scolded for being unwise. He is scolded for walking away with injuries- injuries that hadnt been properly cared for either. This shame is what inevitably leads him to wearing his skull mask, the casual one and not the formal one.

And this is just one anecdote of a lifetime of double standards, of impossible goals, of constantly never being good enough for his parents. And this in particular is compounded by the expectations placed on him as he goes to NRC. There is nothing that will damage a person more than being told you aren't allowed to go home until you are worthy of being called an heir, and ready to be coronated into lordship. You can imagine the weight of that expectation driving him to immense self-criticism and hyper vigilence in virtually everything he does

At its core, this is the treatment he faces that molds him into the intimidating, harsh (borderline cruel), hyper vigilent, self-critical, supremely isolated, and violently aggressive boy we see entering Freshman Year. And even as he continues to develop his friendships, and especially as we move into the Isle of Cantrevs event, where the crew have to essentially pick up his parent's mess, that weight of having to prove to his parents that he's not a failure is constantly lurking in his shadow.

I think you would even recognize this fear in his own friendships, especially in the RP we are working on with Kingsley and Cooper. And while its not exactly something I've discussed entirely with @ramshacklerumble , I know for a fact this impacts his relationship with Gia, even into them becoming QPPs. But I can confirm that Gia is the first person to point out to Kingsley that he's holding himself to double standards and is incredibly harsh on himself. He's working on it... sorta... 😅

Emil: This is interesting because it's something I've only recently started to dive into. And there are a few directions we can take this.

This is your pre-emptive CW that Im going to briefly discuss trans things, particularly body dysphoria and the desire to change your physical body to feel at home in your own skin. There is also a brief reference to transphobia in here. You've been warned.

For starters, being trans, Emil does experience a lot of body dysphoria. He binds, eventually gets top surgery, and he also seeks out ways to mitigate having a cycle until such time as he decides to have them permanently stopped. He always gets nervous at the prospect of going home because as much as he loves his parents, they don't see him as Emil - at least not until way after he graduates from NRC and leaves home permanently.

His voice is something he often grapples with because despite loving his own voice, he often gets misgendered as a result of it. It's something he struggles with and doesnt have a solution for.

We can also examine this from the perspective of him being a little ray of sunshine and optimistic while being at NRC. He knows that many people outside his friend circle view him as weak. They view him as an outsider. Many even claim he doesn't belong there. This is exacerbated when the Arcane Exchange happens and people start having class with RSA students. But he does belong at NRC. He very much belongs there, and anyone who has actually spent any time with him can see that.

Beyond that, we can look at how he views himself after he Overblots. He thinks his sibling's death was his own fault. He views himself as a failure for not succeeding in his goals. And furthermore, he feels as though he has lost his sense of purpose because he put everything into trying to find a cure for his sibling, only for them to die before he could do anything about it. So then... what's the point? What was the point in any of it? What was the point in going to NRC if he couldn't succeed? What was the point in all of that hard work?

He is slowly but surely grappling with this and overcoming it, but it takes an incredibly long time for him to regain a sense of self and a sense of purpose back. He does eventually realize he is able to use those skills for good - and to the point of "not belonging", that its okay if his strengths dont lie in doing offense. But this is something he has yet to work through.

René: There are three particular directions that I can take this in particular.

I havent explored it much, and truthfully, I should, but René is some sort of nonbinary where genderfuckery and genderfluidity are at play. I have no doubt in my mind this has a major impact on them, being amab, but again, I havent explored it as much as I probably should.

Does their UM count? It's not something they are proud of. They hate the fact that they have it, even though it has been proven useful and it continues to be useful. It doesnt make them feel good that the magic that has come from their experience and from their soul is a magic that breaks mind control, suggestion, or hypnosis. They don't like the fact that their magic is one that forcibly breaks contracts and agreements without repurcussion. Not because its not useful, again, but rather because of what it implies about themself and their existence. I haven't actually sorted out whether or not René comes to terms with this, especially since their UM failing against their father is something that triggers them into Overblot.

Also they don't believe people will actually like them for who they are if they showcase their true thoughts, opinions, and emotions. They have been trained to only be and present a false version of themself that is acceptable to their father and to other people. And it ends up leading them to believe that their real sense of self has no value. Plus its their real sense of self that ends up hurting Rémi in their childhood. And they really loathe themself for hurting Rémi the way they did. These are things I'm still exploring with René and havent fleshed out, but we are getting there.

Thanks again for the ask and if you got all the way this far- thanks for reading!

Prompt List

Tag list: @cyanide-latte @simons-twsted-children @inmateofthemind @ramshacklerumble

@rainesol @elenauaurs (lmk if you want to be added)

[rphunter]

Firewatch and the new Fears to Fathom game that came out currently has me obsessed and I’m looking to do an oc rp kind of inspired by those! I’m thinking our muses are both working in different fire lookout towers deep into forests, cut off from the rest of the world, and only have one another to talk to by radio or see vaguely in the distance. Why they took those jobs can be fun to play with too - running from a dark, messy, or tragic past? Looking for complete isolation and a break from society? Lost and don’t know what else to do with themselves? Or maybe they’re just somehow who loves the outdoors and thrives out there! Maybe our people have only been talking for days or weeks, or maybe they’ve both been in the job for a while and have built up a rapport over months-years but have yet to ever actually meet in person until something leads them to one another. It could go different ways depending on what we both agree with; maybe it’s a sweet, slow burn, slice of life type thing; two lonely characters getting to know one another, enjoying the peace of nature, having their own little world together nestled in all the trees. Maybe we could do something darker and more thrill-esque; maybe there’s something or someone(s) out in the woods messing with one/both of our muses - maybe we could play our lookout muses and a bad character each and mess with one another’s muses as well? I’m open to mild supernatural things too, if you wanted to bring something in like a werewolf muse perhaps - we can chat and figure out what we vibe with together, but I’m open to a lot of things!! I’m 21+ and open to any kinds of pairings. My muse is a cismale, happy to do mxm or mxf. I’m not looking for a fresh-faced 18 year old character please, I’d rather our muses be mid 20s minimum, with a preference for a higher age. Give me troubled, lonely grizzled men or older women haunted by their past!! Give them a reason to be out where they are and a life behind them that they can open up about to my muse over the course of their long-distant conversations! Open to smut, not looking for strict, passive subs/bottoms, and would prefer this to be a slow burn rather than rush into anything. I write on discord and I’m usually a multi-para, detailed writer and love long responses, but I’d like to play with the format of this rp considering our muses aren’t going to physically interact with one another for a while! I’m thinking of having our ‘main’ thread between them being like a small texting channel in a way, with pure/almost pure dialogue for their conversations they have over the radio, maybe short descriptions of what they’re doing/thinking in that moment if we really want to or it’s relevant. If we wanted to do a darker rp with characters messing with them, we could have a channel for your muse and my muse separately and write proper threads in there for them being messed with! And then, of course, when our muses finally meet and spent time together, we’ll be able to write actual paragraphs out for them lol. Looking for something laidback and chill; we can write out casual convos between our muses in our own time and take it as it comes. No rush on replies, open to ooc chat and sending memes/aesthetics/tiktoks/whatnot. Prefer irl faceclaims. Bring an interesting muse/idea for one and some plot ideas or some energy for brainstorming with me please!!

.

[bruiisedpetals-a]

 𝔣𝔩𝔬𝔴𝔢𝔯𝔰 𝔦𝔫 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔞𝔱𝔱𝔦𝔠 ;  (𝟏𝟗𝟖𝟕  𝐌𝐎𝐕𝐈𝐄)  ...  𝘗𝘙𝘖𝘔𝘗𝘛𝘚

dialogue  prompts  slightly  edited  for  rp  purposes.  adjust  language , tenses  &  pronouns  as  needed.        tw. incest , abuse mention.

“never , ever give her a reason to punish you.”

“be silent , learn control.”

“i will spare him that final agony of shame.”

“whatever happens after that will be up to us.“

“they hurt you , i hate them for that.”

“she hasn’t been different ... just ... sad.”

“never speak unless i ask you a question.”

“she didn’t fall from grace , she leapt!”

“you were evil from the moment of conception.”

“we clung to our dreams.”

“close the door so we don’t wake them.”

“we are all going to pay the price.”

“he has no idea that you even exist!”

“when you are ready to treat me with love, i’ll be back.”

“when do we get to go outside?”

“make it as though a game , a wonderful adventure.”

“come on , we can’t stay here... we’ve got to keep looking.”

“why are you crying?”

“i’ll whip them until the blood runs from their backs!”

“i found a way to escape, even if it was only to a hot bath and my fantasies.”

“all the money in the world isn't worth the living that we've lost!”

“do you think i care?”

“what if she comes in before we wake up and sees us in the same bed?”

“i will give you food and shelter.”

“if he dies , you'll pay for it. one way or another.  i will find a way , i promise you that.

“it is impossible to feel anything but disgust for what is not wholesome.”

“the years of happiness i had with you are worth 100 whippings.”

“what do you think about all that talk... uncles marrying nieces and their children being born with horns and tails?”

“let me remind you again , you must never be seen.”

“they weren’t rules , they were cruel punishments.”

“the only way to feel the sunlight was out a barred window.”

“as the weeks turned into months , memories of our old life faded.”

“we tried to act like a family , it was the only way we could survive.”

“this is our time to sacrifice ... later on we’ll have plenty of time to live and enjoy.”

“i had another thought , a terrible thought.”

“please , you can make it!  just climb!”

“we’re happy to see you , but not happy to be here.”

“you put us in here , you want to catch us doing something you can call evil!”

“starved for both sunlight and food , our faces became pale and our bodies thin.”

“we’ve done nothing to be called ‘sinners’!”

“and then what do we do? what do i do to keep us alive?”

“i make myself keep loving you every day despite what you do.”

“whatever happens after that will be up to us , but whatever happens we'll be free.”

“do you think they can go on doing whatever they want to us... and nobody will ever find out?”

“where's nothing to be afraid of?  nobody’s going hurt us anymore.“

“we finally got our real revenge. we managed to make it on our own.”

“you told me that it's us against them. we're on our own , so don’t lie to me!”

“she’s known all this time that we could never be found... she never meant for us to leave that attic.”

“we left the past behind , all except the memories...”

“do they expect us to live in one room , week after week , and not see each other?”

[shoddilydrawnmeulin]

33333 OMGOMGOMGOMGOMOG

W3LCOME!

I TOT3S CANNOT BELI3V333 YOU GUYS! YOU GOT GRUMBLR ACCOUNTS AND DIDNT 3V333NN T3LL M3333! IM SO HAPPY THOUGH (=TェT= ) I LOV3333 GRUMBLR SOOOO MUCH! AND NOW YOU GUYS AR3 ON H3R3 TOOOOOO! (=｀ω’= )

IT F33LS R333AAALY W3IRD TO FINALLY B3 MAKING A PROP3R PINN3D POST FOR THIS ACCOUNT, CONSID3RING HOW LONG I'V3 HAD GRUMBLR AND ALL! BUT NOW THAT I D3L3T3D ALL OF MY OLD POSTS OUT OF PANIC I THINK I HAV3 TO...ヽ (^‥^=ゞ)

AND I H3ARD ABOUT A WRIGGL3R OUTBR3AK... WHATS THAT ALL ABOUT...? I'M G3TTING ID3AS FOR MY N3XT FANFIC...(=^ω^= )

(OOC FROM HERE ON OUT UNDER THE CUT.)

Hey gang welcome to meulin's ask blog :3c Below are rules, disclaimers, and context!

My non-roleplay account is @meulins-mama . it's not my main, but it is an account js for modding this. my timezone is MST!

all OOC posts will be tagged as " Not Meowin' Around "

Rules

1. I will not be participating in heavily NSFW OR SUGGESTIVE content. While passing mentions or comedic bits having to do with Meulin's fanfics are going to happen one way or another this blog is not going to be nsfw.

2. If there is an ask I do not want to answer I simply will not answer it. I will answer literally every ask I get unless for some odd reason I don't want to, such as it being heavily NSFW or just plain uncomfortable.

3. Do not pull serious disrespect with me or anyone else, nothing of that sort will be tolerated! I will block you. I will not talk to you, but if you get blocked, you know exactly why.

Disclaimers

I am not an active artist, I do not draw daily often. I am also not a fountain of creativity & motivation, there will be days where I don't respond to asks within 5 or so hours.

I try to respond as soon as I can but if I do not assume 1. I am asleep 2. It's one of those days.

There will be moments where Meulin seems ooc! I don't roleplay as her often, I'm learning as I go.

There will be inconsistent artstyles lol, I cannot keep one to save my life, even back to back drawings.

Context!

In the context of Meulin's perspective this was her old fandom space account that she's had for ages. Once she found out about the others getting "Grumblr" she had panicked and deleted them all, hence the type of things she had on her page and her canon activities of shipping her friends & writing about them.

In reality this account is new, having been made just this year.

Boundaries

No heavy NSFW or suggestive content

Do not demand me outside of rp, I am in fact a person behind the screen.

I am okay with interacting with other Meulins! I'd love to, actually.

I am okay with shipping Meulin with others, however the relationships will not be "canon" to whatever I'm doing here. They can be little side stories, but again they will not be canon to this blog.

And, finally, true to my word, she is shoddily drawn. She may have a wonky hand or a weird face, but that's part of the charm of the account. Being shoddily drawn!

Long shpeel over, go have fun!

[ask-richard-jackdaw]

This is a roleplay ask blog for an HL ghost character Richard Jackdaw. Minors do not interact!

This blog is no longer actively engaging in rp but I reserve the right to sometimes send asks and leave replies. Additional information. If the topic of death triggers you — please, avoid reading/following.

Ownership: Feel free to ask for this username if you're serious about running Richard's ask blog. However, I would prefer it that you're known among Richard's fans so that I know I can trust you.

Old info under the cut

I thank every since person who send me asks or replied to mine, everyone who tagged me with their art and just fun headcanons. It was an honour writing for you and our rps will always stay here!

To the people I roleplayed with:

Thank you to Garreth's Groupies server as the first place that took me in and let me haunt one of their channels as ghost Richard. Those were fun days and I'll cherish that roleplay, too, even if I did not do much.

Thank you to those I roleplayed with in RoR, I'm a bit too shy to message personally or @ on the server before I quit. Thank you to the people behind Melissa Virdimura, Helia Sinclair and Scarlet Briarwood if you find this blog! And Niamh Morrigan Sanders for a sudden talk about dinosaurs!

Penny, you left without an announcement so let me thank you here for allowing Richard to open up in the way he did! Asking difficult question, letting him show off his dancing skills and explain his desparate attempts to seem more alive than dead. I only wish I reblogged that last reply from you where they went on to pet the beasts in the Vivarium. It seemed like a good place to stop that line of rp. Hope you are prospering in some other ask blog now and haven't given up on writing!

Old explaination as to why Richard was a human once a week (headcanon just for fun of rp):

Richard is a human on The Real Boy Thursdays. But I have nothing specific planned, feel free to send me human OR ghost Richard owls any time! I will also jump around time periods if I find it necessary for some asks (e.g. to react to the events that haven't happened in HL just yet). TW: death.

OLD RULES!

Anything goes other than harrasement, both in anons and DMs. I am here to have fun and can take friendly, flirty and sexual themes no problem. But you HAVE to let me know if it crosses the line or even better send me a DM in advance since I do not read minds, I am just a ghost~

For the sake of roleplaying, as a ghost Richard is capable of interacting with objects in the same way Peeves can since poltergeists also generally did not have a physical form and yet... Everything else stays in the framework of the HL canon unless it's Thursdays. I just think it would be fun to have Richard have human interactions sometimes. I also welcome asks from Alternative Universes where Richard is still alive.

Finally, in case anyone was curious, throughout my time as Richard there have never been any personal 18+ roleplays. Not in DMs here, not on the servers. Richard is very much a Victorian ghost and I am glad nobody asked me for such roleplay.

[itstaisstuff]

OHHHH YOUR AUS ARE SO COOL I LOVE THEM!!!!!!!!!! if you want to expand on literally ANY of them i am so here for it omg

the coffee shop au btw.. well that's my weak spot i love coffee shop aus they're so fun.. if u ever want to tell us more about that than you absolutely should >:)

AWWWWH THANKS!!!! Too bad I can't talk about anything until I get asked so looks like you gonna send me an adult for each oth the aus! Oh no! /hj

But yeah the coffee shop au is my absolute beloved. I ever used to rp it with my best buddy pal! Gosh I miss that time. This au is soooo dear to me. Im just gonna paste here the extended version of its sooo there is a bit I've already talked about. Anyways, let's start:

You can guess it was inspired by Bdubs' mud farm. So yeah. Bdubs works in a lil coffee shop. There are some regular visitors like Impulse, his good buddy. He works as an electricity engineer. There was a time when Impulse wasn't coming to Bdubs' caffe and once he finally goes back he explains his absence saying his good old friend needed help with moving in neighborhood. Few days go by, and Impulse brings his friend with him. And oh gosh, did he really have to make a short joke to Bdubs? He wasn't impressed. More over, he didn't like the new guest at all. He was so loud, stupid, and annoyingly handsome. And the new guest knew he wasn't really welcomed here. So Tango's new work wasn't in the way of the shop, but it doesn't stop him from just stopping by every morning until he figures out Bdubs' working days and hours. As for Bdubs, he would put more sugar in his coffee then Tango has ordered, would ignore him when his asking for something, make fun of him for no reason. He would tell Impulse about how much he is annoyed by his neighbor and would ask to keep Tango away.

Tango is a game developer. He usually brings his laptop to have an excuse to stay in for longer. And once Bdubs saw what his new regular guest is working on, he was hella impressed. A few times Tango would ever fall asleep in a couch, working on something while waiting for his coffee. And Bdubs would not get angry and wake him up, he would just call Impulse and ask to pick his friend's tired ass. While he's on his way, the barista would sit behind his desk just looking at his guest from afar, trying to figure out why does he feel so helpless. One of those days, Impulse would see Bdubs' dreaming face and just joke around guessing he likes Tango. Of course, it was a joke. But Bdubs got so mad for... no reason? He tells Impulse about how much he actually hates Tango's exasperating character, raspy voice, red glasses that he never takes off, blond hair that almost glow in the light of lamp on top, his stupid jokes, fashion style, how the cheeks turn red from loud and annoying laughter. Impulse starts hesitating if he's actually serious or not.

But there will be a morning when Tango wouldn't show up. Bdubs would laugh and think he overslept and is in a rush for work, but he didn't come at the evening either. And then it was not a day, but a week. He didn't want to ask Impulse about it because of their last dialogue, but he saw barista's worry and just told him that Tango is really sick and won't visit for another week.

Bdubs has forgotten about quiet times at work. And he didn't like this anymore. Gosh, it's so boring, how was he dealing with it before? No, boring I's not the right word. It was... Lonely.

It was late in the evening when Bdubs was locking the front door ready to go home after another boring hard day, just to hear an awkward cough behind his back. He was not expecting to see Tango here at that hour at all, but did he happily scream out his name and reached for a real quick hug? Hell yeah, he did. He didn't even notice a box in his hands. Right after that, he starts accusing Tango in leaving him all alone in this stupid coffee shop, while unlocking the door and inviting him in. They both stayed up there until 4 am, drinking coffee and cocoa for free and eating cookies Tango which brought in that box as an excuse. Bdubs didn't try to "poison" him, nor offence Tango. He just missed him enough to sometimes fall out of the dialogue just staring at his regular guest he never thought he'd needed that much to finally feel happy. Maybe this is the time Bdubs realizes he cares about Tango not just as regular, but much much more.

If anyone would tell Bdubs from the past that Bdubs from the present just gives Tango almost everything he wants for the price of a kiss, he would never believe it.

[electricea]

@wilsonthecyclist sent - if I may- this got me really curious lol!

❤️ and 🍪 possibly?

( My Roleplay Experiences - Accepting! )

❤️ - My first roleplay memory.

I would say a lot of my 'first' indie memories go back to my Ignis blog from Final Fantasy XV, he's the blog I had right before Ryuji - I remember early on there was a lot of silliness and fun dash shenanigans - I remember it's also where I met one of my good friends, Stacie. What I remember most clearly was just having a lot of fun with the character and with the fandom and meeting some awesome folks. Final Fantasy XV to this day is still a great game that I view highly and go back to, even recently. Love the Chocobros.

🍪 - My favorite roleplay memory.

While I have a lot of fun memories, I try not to get hung up on one as a favorite - I think that nostalgia is a double edged sword, it's fun to look back and laugh at dash shenanigans but at the same time, it's very easy to get hung up on nostalgia and feel like the 'good old days' are behind you and that it's all downhill from here. I won't deny that Tumblr has changed and a lot of great blogs have come and gone over the years. Fandoms as a whole feel a lot smaller. I won't deny that.

Still, I try to just take it day by day - I consider the little things to be my favorites, talking with people, joking around with people, answering memes, doing threads with people and enjoying them while they're still here - if a mutual deactivates tomorrow, I'll be a little sad about what could have been, but I try not to get me down - same with the lack of overall Persona/P5 blogs in the fandom - I'm just grateful for what we have and try to welcome every new mun who joins.

I never want to define any one moment as the 'peak' of my RP journey - I just want to keep trucking along and having fun and as far as I'm concerned, I will keep doing just that so long as this continues to be fun for me.

[findroleplay]

Firewatch and the new Fears to Fathom game that came out currently has me obsessed and I’m looking to do an oc rp kind of inspired by those! I’m thinking our muses are both working in different fire lookout towers deep into forests, cut off from the rest of the world, and only have one another to talk to by radio or see vaguely in the distance. Why they took those jobs can be fun to play with too - running from a dark, messy, or tragic past? Looking for complete isolation and a break from society? Lost and don’t know what else to do with themselves? Or maybe they’re just somehow who loves the outdoors and thrives out there! Maybe our people have only been talking for days or weeks, or maybe they’ve both been in the job for a while and have built up a rapport over months-years but have yet to ever actually meet in person until something leads them to one another. It could go different ways depending on what we both agree with; maybe it’s a sweet, slow burn, slice of life type thing; two lonely characters getting to know one another, enjoying the peace of nature, having their own little world together nestled in all the trees. Maybe we could do something darker and more thrill-esque; maybe there’s something or someone(s) out in the woods messing with one/both of our muses - maybe we could play our lookout muses and a bad character each and mess with one another’s muses as well? I’m open to mild supernatural things too, if you wanted to bring something in like a werewolf muse perhaps - we can chat and figure out what we vibe with together, but I’m open to a lot of things!! I’m 21+ and open to any kinds of pairings. My muse is a cismale, happy to do mxm or mxf. I’m not looking for a fresh-faced 18 year old character please, I’d rather our muses be mid 20s minimum, with a preference for a higher age. Give me troubled, lonely grizzled men or older women haunted by their past!! Give them a reason to be out where they are and a life behind them that they can open up about to my muse over the course of their long-distant conversations! Open to smut, not looking for strict, passive subs/bottoms, and would prefer this to be a slow burn rather than rush into anything. I write on discord and I’m usually a multi-para, detailed writer and love long responses, but I’d like to play with the format of this rp considering our muses aren’t going to physically interact with one another for a while! I’m thinking of having our ‘main’ thread between them being like a small texting channel in a way, with pure/almost pure dialogue for their conversations they have over the radio, maybe short descriptions of what they’re doing/thinking in that moment if we really want to or it’s relevant. If we wanted to do a darker rp with characters messing with them, we could have a channel for your muse and my muse separately and write proper threads in there for them being messed with! And then, of course, when our muses finally meet and spent time together, we’ll be able to write actual paragraphs out for them lol. Looking for something laidback and chill; we can write out casual convos between our muses in our own time and take it as it comes. No rush on replies, open to ooc chat and sending memes/aesthetics/tiktoks/whatnot. Prefer irl faceclaims. Bring an interesting muse/idea for one and some plot ideas or some energy for brainstorming with me please!!

-

[novella-writers]

Firewatch and the new Fears to Fathom game that came out currently has me obsessed and I’m looking to do an oc rp kind of inspired by those! I’m thinking our muses are both working in different fire lookout towers deep into forests, cut off from the rest of the world, and only have one another to talk to by radio or see vaguely in the distance. Why they took those jobs can be fun to play with too - running from a dark, messy, or tragic past? Looking for complete isolation and a break from society? Lost and don’t know what else to do with themselves? Or maybe they’re just somehow who loves the outdoors and thrives out there! Maybe our people have only been talking for days or weeks, or maybe they’ve both been in the job for a while and have built up a rapport over months-years but have yet to ever actually meet in person until something leads them to one another. It could go different ways depending on what we both agree with; maybe it’s a sweet, slow burn, slice of life type thing; two lonely characters getting to know one another, enjoying the peace of nature, having their own little world together nestled in all the trees. Maybe we could do something darker and more thrill-esque; maybe there’s something or someone(s) out in the woods messing with one/both of our muses - maybe we could play our lookout muses and a bad character each and mess with one another’s muses as well? I’m open to mild supernatural things too, if you wanted to bring something in like a werewolf muse perhaps - we can chat and figure out what we vibe with together, but I’m open to a lot of things!! I’m 21+ and open to any kinds of pairings. My muse is a cismale, happy to do mxm or mxf. I’m not looking for a fresh-faced 18 year old character please, I’d rather our muses be mid 20s minimum, with a preference for a higher age. Give me troubled, lonely grizzled men or older women haunted by their past!! Give them a reason to be out where they are and a life behind them that they can open up about to my muse over the course of their long-distant conversations! Open to smut, not looking for strict, passive subs/bottoms, and would prefer this to be a slow burn rather than rush into anything. I write on discord and I’m usually a multi-para, detailed writer and love long responses, but I’d like to play with the format of this rp considering our muses aren’t going to physically interact with one another for a while! I’m thinking of having our ‘main’ thread between them being like a small texting channel in a way, with pure/almost pure dialogue for their conversations they have over the radio, maybe short descriptions of what they’re doing/thinking in that moment if we really want to or it’s relevant. If we wanted to do a darker rp with characters messing with them, we could have a channel for your muse and my muse separately and write proper threads in there for them being messed with! And then, of course, when our muses finally meet and spent time together, we’ll be able to write actual paragraphs out for them lol. Looking for something laidback and chill; we can write out casual convos between our muses in our own time and take it as it comes. No rush on replies, open to ooc chat and sending memes/aesthetics/tiktoks/whatnot. Prefer irl faceclaims. Bring an interesting muse/idea for one and some plot ideas or some energy for brainstorming with me please!!

Like if interested!

[diamondmeadow]

untitled #2

just a sirius black snippet that i headcanon for my au rp server. suppose it's rather metaphorical, so might be a tad bit annoying to read but oh well.

happy birthday, you brilliant fictional man (even if you are a bit of an arshole and a sad man in my rp) -----------------------------------------------

What if your whole life has been about living on the edge between losing yourself and going mad or pushing everything that should be the closest to you away just to be yourself?

What if your whole life has been about making this decision?

What if your whole life has been about escaping this impossible choice? Which honestly doesn’t feel like a choice at all. It’s an ant crawling along the edge of the grass stem about to be blown to one side or the other by wind. An ant hardly can manipulate elements, can it? No wonder after a while there’s not much fight left in the ant. Flight becomes the only answer. But typically, ants are wingless species.

What if the only way out was simply abandoning it all?

Sirius is tired.

He has lived in the state of high alert since he attempted to produce his first intentional memory ever. It was supposed to appear across the back of his eyelids as he closed his eyes back when he was 4 years old when his nanny asked him to try to recall his happiest moment with his family. For the life of his he could not think of a single instance. Odd.

Sirius is 18 years old, and he is so, so tired. He’s rather sure 18-year-olds shouldn’t be this tired.

So he runs.

Sirius runs from his mother, from his father, from his brother, and from every one friend he has ever made. He runs from everything he’s ever known. From the only life that has ever been known to him. Because he despises every single second of the balancing in it. Everything hurts. He despises the idea of being an ant.

Sirius runs towards something he barely has any idea of. Does it even exist? Because how can he know for sure? He’s never seen it, never experienced it. It is all one big wild guess. About things that could be. About freedom of thought. About freedom of act. Just a mirage of something that he is perhaps able to glimpse in those few instances he leaves Eton against all the rules (just to be forced back under the kind of threats that his 13, 14, 15, 16, 17-year-old head can hardly understand in their full gravity until they are -quite literally- hitting him in the gut, or leaving him starved, or without any human contact for days on end.)

At first, it’s overwhelming. It’s like a first shot of heroin, well, how Sirius imagines it must feel since he has never tried it. There’s a pleasurable, euphoric sensation running through his body when he finally doesn’t have to look behind his shoulder every time he makes a decision based on what he truly wants. There’s a strange sense of well-being. Relief. Safety. Endorphins.

All of this is so new. Sirius doesn’t know what to do with this high. With this feeling of the path underneath his feet where both of them fit firmly. He feels no stress of balancing the tightrope. For the first time in his life, he isn’t exhausted. And it’s tremendous. Exquisite. It’s all super. His new friends, the school, the music, life, the life.

Well, it’s short-lived. Ironic. Like the heroin high. Because that’s how it works, doesn’t it? It’s not all just song and dance. A stroll in a rose garden. He should have known. He finds out the moment he gets to know Remus. Who’s a storm but can he be a port? Who’s a wide-open ocean but can he be a boat? Who’s a friend but can he be more? And once again, it’s the blade of grass, it’s the rim of a glass, if only it was possible to stay in some sort of impasse. But it’s not. Deny, balance, fight. Sirius is an ant, a tiny, miniscule, bloody weak. He tries to shoot up a new dose. A dose of school work, and tattooing sessions, and design work, and live gigs, and sex with people he is sometimes lucky to care about a bit.

Christ, he’s terrible at balancing. He sucks at it. And it’s a learnt response really, the fight or flight scenario, Pavlov would be proud. Last time it took him 18 years, this time it’s only 4.

Sirius is 22 years old and he is tired. And maybe 22-year-olds can get this tired, but he wouldn’t know because it’s his first time being 22.

So he runs. Because that’s all he knows to do to deal with a situation that is blowing him away. Ants are but fragile beings after all.

At first it feels good. But it’s a proven fact that the more you shoot up, the shorter the period of elation and bliss. It’s really, really not fair how short it is this time. He is here and there. One new place after another, but the more he seeks that thrill of freedom of thought, freedom of act, the one thing that helped before, the less it works. And it’s months, then weeks, then days, then the relief never comes and he is stuck, frozen in one spot, a deer in headlights. Physically moving, yes perhaps, but he might as well be still.

Five years gone by. Five years is a long time to be in a headlock of your past.

Sirius is 27 and could it be he’s less than an ant now? He only vaguely remembers what it is to live a life, the one he thinks he was imagining he was running to when he left his family. He questions whether he has ever even gotten a true taste of it. He doesn’t know what it really looks like. He thinks, ponders, reflects, and this time tries to force it all onto the backs of his eyelids, fuck the happy, he just needs something. What shows up is regret.

He wants to say sorry to his brother, to his father, to his mother, to all the friends he has ever made, to Remus.

Ants live in colonies.

There’s an article he finds on the internet that says that according to a new study ants cannot live without their peers. It reports that in the experiment ants died after about 6 days of isolation, whereas the socially integrated controls lived for up to 66 days. Sirius thinks about the article often.

Sirius packs. He doesn’t run this time. He goes back. Home? Perhaps it is okay to retrace the steps from one colony to the other. Perhaps that’s how he’ll be able to find out what life really is, what freedom of thought, freedom of act really looks like. Perhaps the thing he should have done long time ago was not trying to tiptoe in the wind, maybe he should have grabbed the division line with both his hands and cling to it and try to reconcile both sides instead of perform some kind of sick mental gymnastics. Perhaps. He takes a deep breath when he arrives in the city he fled so long ago. He’s but a little ant. But perhaps that’s okay.  

[rusted-muses]

How would the conversation between Virgil and Leline be if she is back and he meant to tell her about Kaede?

What would he tell Kaede?

As for what Virgil will tell Kaede (not to mention what Leline will tell her), I'm saving that for the RP. A lot of it will depend on how long they've been together and what Kaede feels about the situation.

But as for Virgil's private talk with Leline... let's see what I can do.

(Reader Beware: Here be over 800 words)

The instant they were alone, Leline let her brave mask fall to the floor. She swept Virgil up into her arms and whirled him around. His laughter filled the room. He was here. He was safe. Her world was finally spinning again.

She set him back on his feet and kissed him. There was some giggling as their noses bumped and their teeth clashed together. They'd been apart long enough to be out of practice. They needed to find each other once again. But fifteen years of marriage left deep marks, and the memories refreshed themselves quickly.

When he pulled back, there were tears in his eyes. She couldn't fault him for that; she'd been crying since the door closed.

“Did he hurt you?” Virgil whispered.

Leline shook her head. “Not once.”

In her time as Raoul's unwilling concubine, she had known luxury she had never imagined, and felt pleasures that seemed otherworldly. When it came to pure hedonistic abandon, Raoul was on another level completely. Stepping back into these humble surroundings was like waking up from a dream.

But Raoul kissed Leline like he was consuming her. Virgil kissed her like he would die for her. There was no choice at all between them. There never had been.

“I'm so glad.” Virgil hugged her tight, burying his face in her shoulder. "I'm so, so glad. You should never have had to go. I'm so sorry.”

“You're alive," Leline replied. "That makes it all worth it. Now we just have to find Alex and start planning our escape.”

“Lelli…”

Something in his voice made Leline pull back. “What is it?”

“I… I need to tell you something.”

They sat down side by side, backs to the wall. Virgil wouldn’t meet her eyes, which was strange. She was always the first place he looked for comfort.

Bit by bit, the story came out. It had been a few days after Leline was taken away. Yuen summoned Alex for more torture before her old wounds were even finished healing. Virgil was left alone, frightened, sinking further and further into self-loathing… until Kaede came to see him.

“She was the only spot of warmth I had left. I didn't know if I'd ever see you again, I didn't know what was happening to Alex…”

“And she was there for you,” Leline finished. When I couldn't be… "Well… at least I know you still have great taste.”

“Come on,” Virgil chided. "I'm being serious.”

“So am I. That woman's gorgeous. She could have me just by snapping her fingers.”

“I don't know what this means," he said, ignoring her attempt at levity. “I don't… you're my first love. My true love. But what I feel for Kaede isn't less… and it isn't going away.”

Leline sat with that for a while. She vaguely remembered what human monogamy was like, from her short time as a foster kid. How it took marriage and romance and sex and mushed them all together into a single blob. That wasn't her culture and it wasn't her belief. And she knew Virgil understood that on an intellectual level. But, perhaps, not an innate one.

After a while, she placed a hand on his knee, trying to encourage him to look at her. When he did, she smiled gently.

“It means we save her, too.”

Poor Virgil’s eyes went red with unshed tears. “You mean that?”

“Of course I do. If she makes you happy, then she’s family.” She kissed his cheek and gave his hand a squeeze. “Did you really think I’d be mad?”

“Not mad,” he replied, shaking his head… though, there was an embarrassed flush on his cheeks. “But, having to go behind your back like that… it really got to me.”

“Well, it’s not as if you were sneaking around,” she pointed out. “I was all the way in London, playing call girl for a brain-dead incubus that looks like Fabio.”

“I know, I know, it’s stupid,” he mumbled, putting his head in his hands.

“No,” she chuckled gently. “It’s just you.”

Virgil smiled up at her, his tears beginning to dry. He reached up and ran his thumb over the sharp curve of her cheek, down to her full, soft lips. She no longer wore a glamour; she was her true, orcish self. But he stared at her as if she were the most beautiful woman in the world.

“This is really okay?”

“This is really okay.”

Leline cupped his face in her hands and kissed him. She could taste his tears on his lips, and feel them clinging to his coppery facial hair. But beyond that, she could feel the love he had for her. It shone as bright as it ever had, as it ever would. Nothing short of death could put out that light.

“Now, then,” she said, with a twinkle in her eye. “We need to have a talk with your new girlfriend.”

[hotpinkboots]

I am currently avoiding my stories cause, ya know, procrastination overwhelms. But it did give me your post for requests!

So, it finally hit me why I s_mp for Foxy, and it's overloading my brain. I offer in worship a private post viewing of my current, unpublished work (+18) of a Monty story in return for Foxy HC's. For a depressed and overwhelmed reader. Or catches reader singing dark shanties/ballads. (Such as "Downed and Drowned" by Longest John / "Woe to the People of Order" by Mizz Fish.) If your not in the mood for Foxy, I completely understand. It's how I am right now with Monty.

Stay Cruel Till The End! - Theodore

~Foxy x Reader (Foxy finding the reader singing)~

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I've been in quite a bad mental state lately, so I decided to do the second one, instead!

I'M ALWAYS IN THE MOOD FOR FOXY!

Enjoy~

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Foxy

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~Oh, it would melt his ol' sailin' heart....

~Besides, it's a nice change from the constant, "DO WHAT YOU WANT 'CAUSE A PIRATE IS FREE, YOU ARE A PIRATE" that he's singing all day for the kiddos.

~Foxy would rather stay inside his Cove, and listen from there. Puts his heart at ease...

~Although, he'll eventually start humming along. He even starts singing one of the ol'sea shanties, just to get you to sing with him.

~Hides behind the curtain, and peeks out at you and the camera every now and then, to see if you're there.

~You realize that he's trying to get you to sing, without having to ask you- or scare you- into doing it.

~He thinks he's being sneaky.

~...He's not. You can tell immediately that he adores it.

~He'd give you a good BONK! on the head with his hook, if you were to ask him if he enjoys your singing.

~There are two ways it could go:

~He either gets sick of just sitting there, and will run at you. Once Foxy catches you, he's going to make you sing another song.

~"Grr...Listen 'ere, Lass/Lad, yer singin's been too loud fer me ol' captain heart t'take...."

~"...Ehh, what's the use in tryna scare ye....C'mon now. Sing me another of yer songs, before I make ye walk 'cross the plank, and toss ye to the sea monsters below."

~While it seems like a wholesome way, it's quite intimidating...His voice isn't at all inviting, unfortunately, and it sounds like he's toss you to the sea monsters below even if you were to sing for him.

~Or!! OR....OR:

~You can slowly approach the Cove, and act like your looking at something, not paying attention to him...As you start humming and singing one of his favorite songs, one he hasn't heard in years, Foxy will peek his muzzle out of the curtains...

~Then go back in, and peek out with his good eye.

~And back in he goes! Foxy ends up singing with you in that old, rough voice of his.

~Never admits it happens.

~But, one time.....

~"...Psst, avast there. Ye've gotten yerself a good'n young voice....Blimey, ye ain't as much as a nuisance as I perhaps thought ye were..."

~The way to this old fox's heart, is through music. It takes a bit of time, but Foxy opens up after a while, and outwardly shows his affection toward the songs.

~And after that, he might surprise you (surprise = scare) you, by ripping the curtains open, and greeting you with a loud, "AYE! AHOY, MATEY! 'AVE YE COME FOR A LITTLE SING-ALONG WITH YER FAVORITE FOX?"

~If you didn't come for that before, you're definitely there for it now.

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~Love, PinkBoots