#these are all from the past 2 days i just havent been drawing a lot up until yesterday | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

adanaac · 1 year ago

Note

Could I ask about your OC's? Specifically Ophicucus and Tsuru, I love how majestic Ophi is drawn and Tsuru fascinates me both with the concept and also how lovely you have illustrated him.

I hope you are well, and thank you again for helping me with my questions o7.

Sincerely HMAD.

oh good i get to talk about my son!!

my blorbo my beloved my babygirl he means everything to me

i made him in 2017 so hes sort of grown up with me (or i've grown up and realised things about him that i couldn't have when i was younger. i have so many complicated feelings abt this that i made a short comic about it last year)

to preface this im not a great writer dont expect good writing from me lol all i have is my personal experience and stealing tropes from stories i like

(got a lot to say so its all going under the cut. also a lot of death mention)

So. who is this dude

Tsuru (not his real name in-story, i havent come up with one im happy with), 18 years old, a ghost

he has a little sister, Ori, 15, who was meant to be my sona but then i just drew him more and like drawing him more anyway

first 2 drawings i ever did of him. he was based off natori natsume yuujinchou at this point, i dont remember why or if i even liked natori that much, but i remember distinctly hes based off him

u may have noticed he sort of looks older in my older art. this is because first of all art style drift lol but also as ive gotten older ive figured out that 18 isnt actually that old.

theres also a black haired version of him (two actually) its basically something like this ⬇️

important to know that everything about this dude is a convoluted metaphor

i lovingly summarize white tsuru as "people pleaser" and black tsuru as "nihilist prick" in my head and those are the things consistent throughout all the AU versions of him

(important differences only to me) alive tsuru doesnt act like black tsuru at all thats just his warped self perception (he also doesnt act exactly like white tsuru either)

also alive tsuru has black eyes and the shortest hair, black tsuru has blue eyes and slightly longer hair (also white tsuru is slightly taller than both of them)

if they all existed at the same time they would hate each other on sight but fortunately (unfortunately?) he is just 1 dude with issues

the general vibe is white tsuru is the "yippee floaty trickster" brand of ghost and black tsuru is the sort of ghost in horror media that stands just outside your field of view in the darkness dripping with blood

for the longest time only white haired tsuru was a "character", "black haired tsuru" existed just as his corpse at most, a footnote

but over the past 2 years ive figured that hes actually really fun to draw and play with, and in a different way than white tsuru

(wait fuck isnt this just abe trio. i do always almost accidentally draw tsuru when im trying to draw haruaki.... fuck.....)

(ive had tsuru for long enough that i just keep tacking details from my fav characters onto him.....)

halls smp

so ive been on this minecraft roleplay server called halls smp with other artists for the past 2 years, theres a new season of it every few months with a different theme each time to keep things fresh and ive just been making AU versions of tsuru for it so ive had a lot of opportunity to think about him

season 1 - halloween - jiangshi tsuru

this one is almost entirely unchanged from his base characterization because i didnt want to rp too much and also didnt know there would be future seasons at this point (also basically after the first day i gave up on being called "tsuru" bc its too hard to pronounce and everyone called me canada anyway)

same basic story, guy dies and theres now a white haired version of him (actually this is the same for all the AUs). in fact im pretty sure the black haired version of this one is exactly base alivetsuru. basically what ive been interested in exploring is different kinds of death, the events leading up to it, and what kind of person he becomes afterwards (but also in equal amounts im interested in making fun designs and playing minecraft and fucking around)

(this feels like the start of the beginners guide...)

i associate him with doves and at the time, tarot card 18: the moon, but in retrospect i now think he's card 0: the fool.

season 2 - winter - ishmael

guy who died at sea and eaten by a interdimensional whale and got isekaied. loosely conceptually based off moby dick, although i havent actually read it LOL but i did spend a week reading up on drowning and hypothermia

strangely, his death didnt create a white haired version of him, perhaps because he didnt have anything in life to give up his identity and replace it with. (and also remember the hair color doesnt actually mean dead/alive)

im only calling him ishmael now in retrospect, at the time he was just tsuru/canada

while designing him i had the biggest crisis bc i didnt want him to look to much like this old old oc i had (pic 1) but then i sucked it up and went with it anyway

i never got around to drawing it but his fingers are black from frostbite thats why he wears gloves all the time.

hes one of my favorite iterations of tsuru he looks so mad or upset all the time it makes me want to tease him, and also i think the grey skin and eyebags are very cute

i associate him with whales and tarot card 18: the moon

season 3 - golden grove - fox tsuru

honestly i think this is my favorite design of him i kinda popped off. i think im just a lot more comfortable working with warm colors. and also i associate white tsuru with foxes anyway (black tsuru is totally a catboy btw) (why is he not associated with cranes if his name is tsuru you ask?? bc cranes are hard to draw next question. he did start out based off cranes tbf, thats where the white hair and the tallness comes from)

dead fox possessing his dead human friend's body (although thats only the most literal interpretation of events; in all these iterations there's only ever been 1 person) the white tsurus are mostly interested in "moving on", whatever that means to each of them

btw my banner on this blog is him

hes sort of a set with s2 tsuru to me, mostly bc theyre the ideals that "white tsuru" and "black tsuru" hold taken to the extremes, and also theyre on opposite ends of the "hates people hates talking" and "loves to talk and mess with people" scale

anyway. hes tarot card 10: wheel of fortune to me

season 4 - wild west - mirage

the desert dragon, mirage. this is the season i started giving them actual names that arent "tsuru" and putting actual thought into the story lol previously it was just vibes-based character design. i have a short thing written about him thats meant to be the script for a comic, but i never got around to drawing it.

a sandworm-esque dragon that got tired of being a dragon and took up a passing witch's offer to give him a human form. this is all a metaphor i think. he has longer hair bc i wanted to spice things up a little

(also i consider this a form of death bc he left behind a giant sandworm/dragon skeleton somewhere in the desert)

the mirage-dragon thing comes from the shen 蜃 (which is used in the chinese word for mirage, 海市蜃楼 haishi shenlou, literally translating to "ocean city and shen's castle"). it's a clam-like dragon that produces foam that creates mirages over the ocean.

if u read "even if you slit my mouth", this is what the "shinkiro" or "shin" in recent chapters is. (i had one of those "smug because i already know all about the mythological creature a story is referencing" moments, which i also had with the four gods in yohaji bc i used to translate a game that mentioned them too)

isnt it romantic in a way? that the two places mirages are most known for happening are the ocean and the desert.

i dont have too much art of him because around this time i was uhhh (checks calendar) got back into yohaji and got consumed by it for a couple months lol (can u even blame me. it was july to september that was when like chapter 91 came out lol)

an earlier version of his design that i didnt end up using but i still really like this art

hes tarot card 9: the hermit to me

season 5 - fairytales/medieval - ophiuchus

NO FUCKING WAY YOURE NEVER GOING TO BELIEVE THIS for this one i actually ironed out what kind of people the black haired and white haired versions of him are. and also specifically this one isnt black tsuru but alive tsuru

i have a short poem thing about him, to summarize its like so many other fairytales about grateful animals granting their saviors something, but it doesnt end well for anyone

hes based off ophiuchus and asclepius of course, but also a lot of other snake stories in general, like the lindwurm and baishezhuan

to reiterate, for none of these stories do i consider there to ever actually have been 2 separate people, its always just 1 fucked up guy

i also sort of consider him to be a set with mirage, for both being serpents, and also for being "black tsuru whose personality is like white tsuru" and "white tsuru whose personality is like black tsuru", thereby codifying for myself that to him, someone who's stuck in his own head a lot, what matters most to him is his ideals, what all his actions are in pursuit of

he's tarot card 12: the hanged man to me

bonus: dnd character - alba

i also have a version of him i play for dnd, named alba to match with my party who all have color themed names. a halfling ranger who's very small and very loud. except he has amnesia and cant remember anything from before he was 12 (hes around 18 now according to him), including that he's actually a changeling who just transformed into a halfling to seem older than he is to work at a bar and nearly died in a bar fight.

(if you spend as much time fretting over semantics as me, you may note that changelings are medium sized and cannot transform into halflings which are small sized, for which my explanation is that he's been in halfling form since he was a kid, and after the amnesia he thought he actually was a halfling. this is also why his hair is white btw bc changelings have white hair. pre-amnesia in his "actual" halfling transformation he had black hair. i care too much about semantics but hey isnt dnd the semantics game anyway?)

anyway congrats alba for being the only version of tsuru that hasn't outright "died"!! if only because dnd has actual rules and i can't pull my usual death-ghost nonsense as easily!!!

hes very ship of theseus to me, all versions of him are. what makes up a person? what defines them? is it their face, their appearance, their name? their personality, their memories, their ideals? if you slowly replace each of those, one at a time, with a copy thats very similar to the original, at what point are you a different person?

as thanks for reading all of this i'll reveal what some of the metaphors are, the core of who tsuru, as a character, is to me. maybe this is fairly obvious, but all the death and personality weirdness stuff is a convoluted metaphor for depression and autism, as well as the experience of reading the things you've written years ago, seeing old photos and others talking about who you were years ago and finding that person wholly unfamiliar, that you understand the thought process of that person no more than you would a stranger's, as a result of having taken apart your identity and replaced it piece by piece with things from people you like more than yourself.

im always scared of scrutinizing tsuru too hard because he's just a weird reflection of myself, and i think i'll only be able to write a version of him thats more of a "whole person" once i figure that out for myself. the only way you see your own reflection is through a mirror after all, a flattened 2D surface.

haha this got kinda weird and depressing and personal at the end (mostly bc ive been writing this in the middle of the night, its now 4am)

after seeing my soul laid bare like this, if theres one takeaway, i think its pretty obvious why i'm so enamored by the parts of yohaji that i talk about often (huh wasnt this a post about my oc why did it become about yohaji)

oh yeah i just realised u probably also wanted to hear more about my yohaji version of tsuru specifically. honestly theres not really more to it i just like drawing him in situations. like of course the same themes apply but i just like drawing this dude thats 90% the reason hes my sona. like heres a pokemon au of him i drew recently bc i wanted to draw them as kids and also as pokemon gijinkas

anyway thats all. not really bc i could go on and on about him but this is way too long and also way too personal at this point. i think about him a disproportionate amount, i only have 2 other ocs i remotely care about and the extent of my thoughts for those guys is "i think hes fun 👍"

this has probably also been like, the 3rd most comprehensive description of tsuru that ive made, 1st being the thoughts in my head and 2nd being the past 5 years worth of DMs with my friend who i talk about tsuru with

(why was this sort of structured like the beginners guide. if youve seen the beginners guide tell me if im right or delusional. if u havent, go watch a playthrough of it, have an existential crisis, and then afterwards tell me)

#canada ocs #this hit the 30 image per post limit lmaoo #canadas art

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youweremyridehome · 2 years ago

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tlt gift exchange fic recs

getting my fic rec list in before the reveals! so far ive only managed to read about 2-3 pages worth of the fics from @tlt-holiday-exchange but i already have some favs! here's a little list of the ones that i found impactful:

turn our golden faces into the sun, rated T After Canaan House and Cytherea's death, Harrow wakes up on the Erebos as a newly-made Lyctor. She meets God. Then she meets God's daughter. AU - nav raised by john

Sugar in the Tank, Sugar in the Bank, rated E Rich bitch Ianthe Tridentarius's Bugatti has broken down, and the only mechanic open at 2AM is manned by Gideon Nav, a hopelessly sentimental butch.

stitches on my body, closets full of bones, rated T “What I would like to have understood is that I never intended to be cruel.” a compelling John Gaius character study with a very good John voice

the weaving road that'll lead me home, rated T “After six years away, Gideon returns to their hometown of Drearburh and is forced to reconcile the past and everything that they thought they'd left behind.” modern au with interesting premise, wonderful character dynamics, and many feels to be had. (dear author, i already said as much to you but i want to once again state that i will be drawing art for this - many of the emotional scenes immediately made my imagination go brrrrr)

You Are My Sunshine, rated E “I never had been able to stop myself falling in love. It would have been easier if I had.” pyrrha surfaces to share brief stolen moments with wake

Dog 'Training', rated G “Nona is the bestest dog trainer on New Rho. Seriously.” 331 words and its brilliant

my girl's a switchblade, rated T D&D au with team 69 with a perfect balance of fun/whimsy and pining

i don't need a parachute (if i've got you), rated T “cam&pal commit crimes” good pacing, fun/interesting premise, witty writing, good banter. <3

un-ballad where words better said are left behind., rated E Ianthe’s voice crackles. The leather seats are soaked with the smell of her. “You next?” Harrow says, “Let’s stop fucking in the parking lot.” AN - “i think this is probably the most 'literary' smut i've ever written.” t r u l y. harrow making ill-advised Choices for the wrong reasons and in its straightforwardness its all somehow very poetic

Withal so faire and sensitive, rated G “Nona spends a day at the renfaire. She loves the faire, and the faire loves her.” a wonderful exploration of the nona-cam-pal-pyrrha family dynamic in a somewhat less (or just differently) cruel world.

‘Cause What We’ve Got Going Is Good, rated T modern AU. harrow and gideon had a tumultuous relationship growing up but havent seen one another for 10 years. a visit to a local coffee shop rekindles a flame neither had any idea was even there. lovely dynamics and banter. gideons family makes me want to cry happy tears.

#tltexchange2022 #sometimes i #look i think ive only ever done 1 or 2 fic recs #i cant believe its been so long since i read any #i read a bit for the tlt bigbang but then nothing after that #and before then i think i read like a whopping 3 works for good omens which was like.. pre-pandemic

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enviousennui · 9 months ago

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Nobody asked me so im doing it on my own accord

1/2- My chum handle is my username, so yes my username is hs related. When coming up with a username, i thought hard about it and ended up leaning towards the hs format. as for the meaning, it doesn't particulary have one. Im not really an envious person but i guess ennui works sometimes? Idk it doesnt mean anything deep

3- I have referred to my partner as a matesprit in the past but i dont currently since it isnt something ive done for a while

4- I have with online friends but i dont irl. I probably would of in the past though

5- I used to say i kinned Jade but It was always more in the way of strongly relate to instead of traditional kin culture. I do not kin anybody in that sense

6- Sylph of Light

7-I do! It's mostly doodles and more relaxed art as opposed to more detailed pieces, but i post art here and my ask blog

8- I do not but i have been thinking about a potential fic. Im not sure if i will or not though

9-Im currently on a rp server which i play as WV. i havent been super active this week but i try to hop on every week. I used to rp on msprp all the time though

10- Ive been looking to pick up cosplay again. I have cosplayed hs before in the past, that being Terezi. I made her stick and the horns using felt sheets, but it definitely looks like a first cosplay. I gotta revamp it

11-Yep! It's very casual but I've got a wayward vagabond ask blog. I've been thinking of stuff to draw from it aside from asks, since i xo not recieve many asks, but i have not had time recently.

12- not particulary other than the disgrub rp group

13- fuckk thats a hard question. June, Jade and Roxy are very high up there...Terezi ofc, i wouldnt of cosplayed her otherwise. These characters all mean a lot to me but those are the top. Oh and i think it goes without saying but the exiles are definitely top too

14- Equius ane Damara. I like fanon interpretations but those two are just not my faves. I dont need to get into it

15- rosemary, cottoncandy, wvpmar and pepsicola. Guilty pleasures guys.

16- ugh really not a fan of pm/bec noir. Its not very popular and only mildly implied as a black rom thing but no. As for other ships? there's probably a few but none on the top of my head

17- Jane and Dirk. I love their friendship sm

18- I have a lot of mixed feelings. I like aspects of hs2 but yeah.

19- I played the first act of hiveswap when it released but i wasn't able to play act 2. I watched it on yt instead and i enjoy the game. I cant wait for whenever the next act releases....

20- Well i got into it when i was around 13 and im almost 20 now. It feels like a significant amount of my life has revolved around it. I used to reference it at school and even now i make subtle jokes when they pop up naturally

21- not particularly but i do know a few people online through fandom

22- yes but it wasn't an intentional leave, it was more of a slow interest decline where i got into something else at the time. But it came back, this comic is very relevant to me all the time. despite not being my number one interest at times, i always reblogged art.

23- i originally read it during the gigapause, then i read it again once it had ended. I read through it again after hiveswap was released and then again in 2019 before 413 (unaware of the upcoming epilogues that would be released that day) and finally at the beginning of January this year

24- i hate to admit it but when I first got interested in the comic, i couldnt read it. So i decided to watch the voxus dub but i got bored, so i started skipping through and upon seeing Karkat, i thought john had turned into him? When it came time to me actually sitting down with my old shitty pc to read it, i skipped the intermission. I went through the pages but i didnt read it. I didnt think it was important :/

25- once again, mixed opinions. Current fandom is fine, old fandom was all over the place. I was an avid tumblr blogger then and was in a lot of the popular fandoms at the time. Fandomstuck had so many fandoms i was in, for example. Seeing old posts makes me very nosta!gic though and i love to see how loved and active it once wasgic

26-Oof. Okay. The comic is rough but for all the circumstances, it still holds up well. Of course with the website being in shambles, flash being extinct and certain...writing choices...its hard to recommend to people. But if you can look past certain things, or even read the unofficial collection if it makes it more digestible, i still think you should read it cause it does a lot of things i love. And also things i dont. But thats not unheard of

27- carapacians

28-Oo i should of read through this question sheet before answering them all in one. Thats hard to say but cascade is still a huge moment to me. That or jade:enter (yes these are both flashes but those are what came to mind)

29- the retcon. Not the idea of it but the fact its so vriska central. Vriska is not the problem solver. Also hate hate the whole vriska (vriska) stuff. I like (vriska) and seeing her get shredded to shit by the "better" vriska is just. ugh. Theres definitely other things i dont like. Oh god trickster mode. I love the designs but i hate what it is in the comic.

30- *insert the cop upd8 story because im not coming up with something on the fly*

31- Pretty much 95%. In the paat it was more like 50% but now its pretty much blog wide.

“Homestuck Isn’t Dead” Tag

I wanted to make one, so send a number or reblog to get one!

1. Do you have a chum handle? What does it mean?

2. Is your username homestuck related/have you had one hs related?

3. Do you call your s/o a matesprit?

4. Do you call your best friend your moirail?

5. Are you “kin” with any characters or commonly called a character?

6. God Tier?

7. Do you make HS fanart?

8. Do you make hs fanfiction?

9. Do you roleplay homestuck? where and how often?

10. Do you cosplay homestuck characters? Who and where?

11. Are you apart of ask blogs?

12. Are you in any homestuck groups?

13. Favorite character?

14. Least favorite character?

15. OTP?

16. NOTP?

17. BROTP?

18. Do you want homestuck to just die already?

19. Are you following up with hiveswap? Do you play? Watch YT videos?

20. Tell us how homestuck has effected you in real life?

21. Have you met anyone through homestuck?

22. Have you left the fandom before?

23. How many times have you read through it?

24. Did you ever skip intermissions/dialog/animations?

25. Opinions on the fandom?

26. Opinions on the comic?

27. Do you favor the trolls, humans, or carapaces?

28. Favorite moment of all of homestuck?

29. Least favorite moment of all of homestuck?

30. Tell us a homestuck based story.

31. How homestuck related is your blog?

#reblog #phew #homestuck #ask game #pretend someone asked me all the numbers. All of them #save for later

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k00299935 · 9 months ago

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BRIEF THREE- MOVEMENT

Week 2- Painting

Painting series ~ "memories"

Feeling inspired by Anita Tango, I wanted to paint a few pictures that represented the memories and emotionsa spirit would encounter while on their journey through the afterlife. The spirits must confront all memories they made while on earth in order to move on, so this series represents just that.

"The inner child"

This peice represents childhood. Its mixed media and I had a lot of fun with it. The sweets are real and have been glued down, the numbers, stars and butterfly are stickers, the flowers are felt that I sewed onto the canvas, and the cat drawing was drawn on paper and stuck on using thumbtacs. I wanted this painting to feel nostalgic and a bit forlorning, to make one think about when times were simpler and the only things they had to worry about was what crayon they were going to use to draw a cat. I really love how this peice came out, and it has a lot of hidden little details that relate to my own childhood.

"Light"

I have often wondered what it would be like to feel no worry at all. With how difficult things have been for the past few months, this is a fantasy I have often. A day where I wake up with no anxiety at all, and carry no weight on my shoulders. I thought about times where I felt joyful with no worry, and my mind always went back to the beach. Last summer me and my freinds visited our dear freind Amy in Traelee and stayed at her student accomodation. That evening we decided to go to the beach. It was so beautiful. The beach was rather unknown so we had it all to ourselves and decided spontaniously to get into the water. It was absolutley freezing, but so exilerating. The waves were strong that day and crashed all around us, and we shrieked and laughed from how cold and wild it felt. In that moment it truly felt as if I had no worries. I felt completley light.

"Generational...."

I have moved around a lot. As a child I lived in an average semi-detatched house that we rented for about two years, then I lived in a farmhouse that was left to my grandfather by an old departed freind, then I lived with my grandparents (from my mothers side) before we moved countries, there are many more accomodatioms that I could list. The house I have ended up in however is my parents house, the one they built with my grandparents (from my fathers side) many years before they had children. The reference I used was an old picture from before the house was completley finished in which it snowed, it has never snowed at this house while I have lived here.

Bad things happen to everyone, Im certainley not unique in saying that while living in this house I havent faced hardships. I dont have a good relationship with my parents, this is something that has caused great pain for many years. Neither of my parents had good relationships with their parents either. It seems to be generational. While I never met the grandparents who build this house alongside my parents, it is poetic to me that three generations of......strained parental relationships have lived in this house. I can imagine the arguments that were had during the construction of this house, the tension, the anger. This house is almost a symbol of anger in a way. Last year my father realized he could use it as a weapon now that im 18, and he kicked me out. I slept on my freinds couch for a few nights, crying myself to sleep not knowing what to do or where I could go. I was allowed back after my mother got through to my father, but the house has remained a weapon ever since. He could kick me out again anytime he wants as the house is in his name, and he uses that against me. That is a cause of a lot of pain and anxiety. A lot has happened between me and my parents over the years, but getting kicked out solidified the fact that we will never have the idealized parent-daughter relationship that Im sure we all hoped to have. That hope has died, and can only be lived in my dreams.

"Those vibrant colours"

Despite being somewhat worldly with all the moving I did as a child, I only have a few favourite places. The beach, nightclubs, and the carnival. Ever since I was a child the carnivals were always my favourite part of summer. The energy, the excitment, the food, the rides, it all gave me so much joy. It still does, but for another reason now that I've grown up a bit. The colours. Colour is my favourite aspect of art. I am always trying to capture it in any way that I can, and last summer when I went to the carnival I must have taken about 50 thousand pictures if the lights that I saw eminating off the rides and stands against the night sky. Those bright colours were the most beautiful things I had seen in a long time. When I die I hope I get to revisit them.

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smileymoth · 9 months ago

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Self harm tw

Im not gona do anything rn bc im going home tomorrow and the ones i made last week havent even healed properly but i swear to god one day im going to slice up my wrists just to experience what it looks and feels like because its always been a fucked up fantasy of mine because ive been mentally ill since i was 10 and even without the internet i wouldve lost it some other way. Sometimes i think about going too deep and having to get stitcjes. But if it happened it would be on accident. I woildnt do it on purpose bc im a coward.

I remember in 5th grade we were on a school trip and i lost my mind bc of prohably overstimulation lbr and i started to badly grate away at my wrist witj a plastic knife and that was so cringe i remember feeling cringe immediately since i calmed down and its so embarrassing that i have these thoughts in the first place since youre not supposed to. The next morning i woke up and my dad noticed ky scratched arm and he made a joke about it. It didnt feel too good. Ive never cut too much. I remember in 6tj grade i would cut a small piece of skin off my wrist with scissors and i stkll have a scar from it and it would burn dry to air exposure and id be kinda disturbed bc there was a hole in my skin (go figure) but its so small now. All my sh scars have mostly faded. Ive never done too much because im scared to do too much and go too deep but by god i want to. But i dont want the scars. I dont want my mom to see. I dont want people to see. I just want the feeling it gives. Even if you dont do too much rhe pressure release or adrenaline calmdown after feels so nice and uoi feel so good for like 5 minhtes before you regret what you did. Like its not even a big problem to me lbr i just do a couple to get away iwth saying my cat attacked me and thats why theyre always crooked or i "scratched myself against a screw at school lol" idk if my mom ever really believed me in the first place. Its always awkward when she asks bc i pretend i didnt notjce i have them. And while i dont do it a lot and often ive never cut myself more tjan in the past 2 years. Did my dads death trigger this. I dont know. And i feel like its getting worse slowly. And im just letting it happen because i stopped caring i guess. I dont know. I guess thats why i starved myself in high school bc it was "invisible" and not noticable l. I dont know. I feel so patjetic that i even think about it so often that i do. Like im 22 i should be getting a job and a partner not thinking of which spot on my wrist is most optimal to draw blood with a fucking dirty ass boxcutter that i sprayed a-sept on so if my mom notices it would be least suspicious.

God i cant keep up i cant keep up with life at all im not built for this life it feels like. Im so overwhelmed all the time and i feel disgusting and patjetic and annoying. I dont really care about the things i should i just pretend i care mostly. Thats an autism trait right. Lack of empathy. I feel empathy but sometimes it feels tjat im empathetic just because its right to ne, not tjat i actuallt care. Youd be surprised how little things i acrually care about. Im a little internet attentionwhore who cant kill herself nc her mom and besties would be sad. Im not fucking special for any of this im just pathetic and burnt out and dead on the inside. Im never going to get better am i. Im never going to be what i want to be. Whats the fucking point right. Whats the point of complaining if im not even going to do anything. i wont cut myself open like i want to because its useless and dangerous and doesnt fix anything anyway and i cant kill myself either so ill just complain om tumblr instead and describe in detail how ive cut myself before bc thats entertaining. I feel like im writing a deviantart vent journal

#moth post #tw self harm #tw suicide #im fucking spiraling rn dont mjnd me

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chisatowo · 2 years ago

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Man I've been dead as fuck on here I miss posting stuff but idk what to post abt :/

#rat rambles #Ive mostly been thinking abd wc rp stuff and a lil bit of sploon and bndori but not enough that I feel motivayes to talk abt it #idk I might try doing an oc art ask game tomorrow maybe. like yall can give me two characters and Ill draw a scene between them #honestly if you wanna lock and load a pair ahead of time feel free to send it just know I might not get to it in a bit #I do have owed art Im working on still but Ive drawn more art than I have due total in one day before so Ill be fine #Im getting to draw monkeys for the first time so thats exciting!! Ive been wanting to for a while but havent had a good excuse to so Im #having fun with it :]#Im happy abt how flexible my artstyle is now if you asked me to draw a monkey like a year ago Id probably die djskhdjd #also Im soooo much better at poses now which also makes me rly happy #idk I just feel like my art is in a good place rn :]#I still have things I wanna improve on (mainly perspective) but all in all I think Ive made HUGE progress over the past year #I will say though I still feel like a lot of my stuff from abt a year ago still holds up (not all of it tho lol)#like in abt 2 months my beats animation will be a year old and thats fucking wild to me #but I will say I think in general my art is on average better quality noe #plus I will say the background in that animation was kinda shit Ive definitely improved on that frong djskysjs #I still have way more to go until Ill be happy with my ptoper backgrounds though #Im not bad at them per say but I dont rly know what Im doing with them either #I wanna be able to more easily get across the images I have in my head for backgrounds #Ill get there eventually tho #for now Im ok with where Im at Im sure Ill improve more as I draw as is always the case djsjhsks

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lilysdaydreams · 4 years ago

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Praise Bingus (No fucking way)

→ I do not claim to know corpse- therefore please don't think that this is what he would actually act like, or that any details about his life are actually true. this is fiction.

→ Pairing: Corpse Husband X Fem!Reader

→ Genre: Angst and fluff. (FLUFF IS COMING I SWEAR)

→ Words: 3.9k

→ In a world where everyone is born with a mark on their wrist, two souls come together over the power of bingus.

→ (this isnt crack lol)

→ Warnings: Lots of swearing, um self-depreciation? rejection (kinda) and negative thoughts overall. Sorry im new to warnings.

→ Authors Note: this is the first time im doing like angst so please tell me if I did well? Um also, I’ve already started on the part 2 so keep your eyes out for that. If you wanna be tagged for part two please comment and lemme know. Also check out my other fics if you want!

→ Buy me a coffee

Part two →

~~~

Soulmates were a phenomenon. They'd been there for ages, drawn into the Egyptian tomb paintings, seen in the cave paintings from millions of years ago, talked about in stories passed down from generation to generation. They could be matching drawings, first words, names; all black before the soulmates met and turning gold the moment they talked to each other. There wasn't a scientist in the world who could explain the phenomenon.

You'd received your mark at birth just like everyone else, a sentence running around your wrist,

"No fucking way."

Your parents weren't that happy when you asked at the age of 4 what "fucking" meant but it wasn't that bad. You were happy that you had something unique, something other than the "Hi," or "Excuse me," that was on every other arm.

When you were 13, a little girl on the train pointed to your wrist and asked her mom what it meant. Ever since then, you'd taken to wearing bracelets over it. This had turned out to be a good idea because a few years later you started making Youtube videos. At the age of 16, you started a Youtube channel where you focused on a variety of things; makeup, fashion, games, art, skits and a whole lot more.

At the age of 20, you had a steady following of a little more than a million subscribers, and you had moved to LA to be closer to all your Youtube friends. You hadn't just grown on Youtube, you'd also started a lot of side projects. You were known for the art that you did on the side, along with the makeup palette you'd come out with a year ago. Soon you were planning to release a merch collection, one that you had been working on for a whole year now.

You hadn't met your soulmate at this point but honestly, you didn't really mind. Balancing Youtube and study (along with all your other side projects) was hard. There was no need to add the struggle of love into it... Or that's what you told yourself anyways.

There were days though, days where you wished you had someone to hug, someone to cuddle in bed with, someone to go on long walks with. You didn't let yourself wallow on it that long though. Crying about it was gonna do absolutely nothing.

It started on a rainy day. The story of you and him. You were editing your soon to be uploaded video, an e-girl outfits lookbook, which had been requested by your followers. Your personal style was all over the place and your previous soft girl and cottage care look books had done well, so you decided to continue the series.

You eyes blurred as you looked at the same point of the video, and you sighed, removing your glasses and rubbing your eyes. Your editor was sick and had let you know that they wouldn't be able to edit it by the deadline so here you were, editing it yourself. You stretched in your chair letting out a yawn. You were contemplating on whether to make coffee or not when your phone pinged.

"Nooooo" you whined when you noticed it was on the coffee table that was just a little out of your reach. Stretching your foot out, you tried to grab it between your toes and then sighed when the phone fell.

"I have zero luck, I swear" you muttered to yourself, bending to pick up the phone.

The text was from Rae, asking you to join a game of Among Us. You and Rae had been friends for a bit now, which all started when she came across your art and decided to order something from you. You had chatted and clicked immediately, immediately becoming fast friends. Ever since the lockdown started, she often asked you to join in on Among us games and your friendship had really grown over these past few months.

You sent a quick "sure!" and then went to your table, waiting for the PC to turn on. Quickly tweeting out that you were streaming, you opened up Youtube and turned on the stream, saying a quick hello and letting them know what you'd be doing.

"Rae just invited me guys, I don't really know who's there," you mumbled, replying to a comment asking you who you were playing with.

You squinted your eyes, joining the voice chat and then opening your phone camera to quickly check that you didn't look horrible. Sure you didn't really care about how you looked but it was always good to check that you didn't have anything stuck between your teeth before you turned on the camera.

There was already a conversation going on, between who you thought was Corpse and Sykkuno, judging by their voices.

"Yeah I could totally do that. Get a cat and name it Bingus. I wonder if th-"

You gasped when you heard what they were talking about and unmuted yourself immediately yelling "PRAISE LORD BINGUS" and effectively shocking everyone in the chat.

A moment of silence and then Rae yelled: "OH MY FUCKING GOD Y/N, YOU SCARED THE CRAP OUT OF ME."

You giggled as everyone groaned and whined, saying hi as they realised who it was. You had played with Sykkuno and the others a few times before but you'd never met Corpse before. You'd heard his voice though, as he was trending on twitter constantly over the past few weeks. Once they all quietened down, you realised Corpse hadn't said anything. Since you knew everyone else in the lobby, you introduced yourself, wondering if you'd scared him a bit too hard.

"Hey Corpse, I'm Y/N from Y/C/N, its so nice to finally meet you," you said gritting your teeth at you awkward introduction. For a second there was no response and then three words were said that made your jaw drop to the floor.

"No fucking way"

He had whispered it, obviously still in shock, and your eyes widened in surprise as a tingle spread all over your body. So this was what everyone meant by "you'll just know," when you asked them about how you would recognize your soulmate.

"Holy shit" you thought frozen in your seat.

Never had you been more glad that you hadn't turned the camera on yet.

"Uhhhh-" you started, but stopped now knowing what to say.

What the fuck were you supposed to do now.

"Wha- Whats wrong?" Rae asked after a moment passed.

Corpse cleared his throat and started "Its um, shes my -" and you cut him off, heart beating in your chest.

"Nothing. Its nothing." you said talking over him. "Who else are we waiting for Rae?" you asked joining the lobby quickly and choosing red as your colour.

"Uh one more person," she said slowly, still a bit confused.

"Oh awesome!" you said fake enthusiasm prevalent in your voice. "So Sykkuno," you started, wanting to keep the conversation going. "How's Bimbus doing?"

Sykkuno launched into a story of Bimbus and you blew out a sigh of relief, mind still numb over the revelation.

Corpse was your soulmate.

The guy who had literally went viral the past few weeks was your soulmate.

You'd finally found him.

You heard Rae cut Sykkuno off, telling everyone she was starting the game and muttered a "Thank god" when the words "CREWMATE" appeared on your screen. You would not have been able to play imposter at the moment, your mind pretty much stuck on the fact that Corpse was your fucking soulmate.

Heading down to admin, you realised you hadn't said anything yet to the stream so you quickly turned on your cam, saying a quick sorry to the viewers.

"Sorry guys, I forgot to put the camera on," you smiled focusing on card swipe.

"I hope everyone's been okay, I know this was quite sudden, but Rae invited me and I was like why not you know," you said rambling as you moved to comms and did the task there.

Lights were called and you moved to electrical, arriving there just as Leslie fixed them. You moved into the back of electrical doing the three tasks you had there when Sykkuno suddenly came in and went straight to standing on top of the vent.

You giggled already knowing his trick.

"Okay guys," you mumbled watching Sykkuno wiggle on the vent. "do we trust Sykkuno or not?"

"You know what," you said making a split second decision. "Its the first game, we might as well."

Joining him on the vent, you stilled for a second and then breathed a sigh of relief when he didn't automatically kill you.

"See, what did I tell you guys huh?" you question smiling straight at the camera. "I knew Sykkuno could be trusted."

You decided to follow Sykkuno going into reactor with him and starting 'Simon says' and just as you were on the last part, a body was found making you let a whine out.

"Guysss," you whined to the camera as Rae started talking about how she had found Daves body in admin.

"Um, I havent been in admin since the start of the game," you said, "also I can clear Sykkuno, for the last part of the round, he's been with me since lights went out."

Sykkuno confirmed it, "Yup that's right, also I can hard clear Y/N cuz guess what? She stood on the vent with me and none of us died."

Everyone chuckled as he said "Thats good enough for me."

"Uh, I was in navigation mostly." said Lily.

"Poki, can I just ask what you were doing?" said Sean, an undercurrent of mirth present.

"Me?" asked Poki speaking for the first time. "What was I doing?"

"You weren't doing any tasks, you were literally just walking from one side of medbay to the other when I peeked in."

Poki started laughing, trying to get her words out at the same time.

"Okay so-" a giggle. "okay okay- I was just, I was trying to um do the beep test," she said finally breaking down and making everyone else laugh as well.

"What the fuck?" you said, laughing at the image in your mind.

"My chat told me to do it last game so I decided to do it now, I was literally just playing around," she said finally, adding "I swear I'm not imposter" at the end.

"Hmmm," you hummed, bringing a hand up to stroke your chin. "Are you sure it was last game Poki... hm...."

Giggling at Poki indignant "YES it was last game", you quickly skipped voting like everyone else as the timer went into the last ten seconds.

Humming a tune under your breath, you went back to reactor, taking a minute to carefully do Simon says and then moved to the other task counting out one two three as you pressed on the numbers. Humming, you moved out of reactor, only to come face to face with Corpse. You paused for a second, and then moved ahead, refusing to show anything on camera. For some reason he followed you as you went to storage, looking at you while you did the trash.

"Why is he just staring?" you mumbled, biting your lip. God, you really didn't wanna think of him right now. You started walking to shields, him still walking with you when lights were called and not a second later a body was reported.

Suddenly there was screaming your ears as Toast and Rae both started accusing each other.

"Wait- Wait WAIT" yelled Poki trying to get them to stop. "What happened?"

"I'll explain" declared Rae, not letting toast get a word in. "We were in navigation okay, me, Toast and Leslie. Lights went out, and suddenly a report buttons there. It's either Toast or someone came in just as lights went out and killed but that doesn't seem likely because I didn't see anyone anywhere near us at all. Anyways I'm fucking telling the truth guys, its Toast, he's the one who did it."

"Toast, do you have anything to say for yourself?" asked Corpse, his voice making your insides shiver.

"Holy shit, this is my soulmate", you thought for the fiftieth time.

"Uh yeah," replied toast. "I didn't do it."

Everyone laughed as he continued.

"Like seriously, I wouldn't do anything like this because it'd be a stupid move from my own part, and I think Raes smart enough to not do this as well. I think someone else came in just as lights went down and killed immediately, which to be honest, was pretty smart of them."

"Okay so I can clear Corpse," you cut in noticing the timer was close. "he was with me in weapons when it happened, he wouldn't have had time to go all the way up, or even vent there because we were literally walking in."

"Yup that's right," confirmed corpse.

"I'm in cafeteria" said Poki.

"Yeah, I saw her on my way to weapons," said Sykkuno, "and I'm in weapons right now,"

"I'm in lower engine" said Sean, and Lily said she was in reactor.

"I think it's Toast," you mumbled and then rose your voice to talk over everyone. "Look okay fine, maybe he said it was a stupid move and he wouldn't do it but maybe he did it for that exact reason. He thought he could get away with it because no one would expect him to do something like that."

As the timer started going down by 10, you voted for Toast and it turned out 3 had skipped the vote while five had voted for him.

damn.

"Guys you actually voted for him?" you said in a high voice, re-enacting one of Sykkunos most said lines.

You heard a "oh for gods sake" from Rae before everyone went silent and you giggled as you moved back down to weapons to do your tasks.

You finished all your tasks and decided to go to security to check where everyone is. Humming as you moved through the electrical hallway, you narrowed your eyes as Corpse came out of electrical and went towards storage. Quickly ducking in you didn't see a body so you headed back out, going into cams and gasping as you saw the body. Reporting immediately you were shocked to see the four kills that had happened. Now only you, Corpse, Sean and Rae were left.

"Oh my god," you mumbled confused. Either there were still two imposters, and Toast wasn't the imposter or the imposter literally killed and did nothing else. Now either that could mean that its definitely Rae if Toast wasn't the imposter, or that it was Corpse as the only imposter left. That was a bit weird though becuase he could have totally killed you at the start of the game. You didn't suspect Sean at all.

"What the fuck?" mumbled Corpse, and Rae made her animal noises expressing her shock.

"Okay," you said taking charge and relaying the kill and your theory to everyone. "So either it was Toast and there's only one other imposter, who is Corpse. Or Toast wasn't an imposter and there's two of them left. I-" you took a deep breath in at the end, very confused. " I don't know anymore,"

"I think its Corpse as well,"

Corpse who hadn't said anything up till this moment suddenly started stammering out "hey-hey uh let-lets not gang up on me okay. It's not-"

"No, wait, its because Y/N said you came out of electrical right, and I saw you in upper engine literally a bit ago and you went down. I went towards cafeteria so I don't know exactly where you went but its totally possible that you killed."

You voted form him after that, convinced it was Corpse, and the other followed quickly.

"Guys what the fuck, at least give me a chance to explain my self" he whined when his body was thrown off the ship seconds later. You cheered when the "VICTORY" sign was displayed across the screen, bringing up your chat and laughing at Toast as he pretended to be angry at me.

"That was a great round, good work Y/N"

"Thankyou" you mumbled staring at your chat. You were confused when you saw the absolute influx of messages on there, and you were barely able to read them because they were going so fast. You scrolled up, and read through the few of the messages;

"You've made corpse sad."

"Corpse has literally been so quite since you came in, can you leave."

"Omg stop with the hate messages, its not her fault if corpse isn't talking to you"

"are you his ex or something? What was that reaction at the start?"

"what did you do? Corpse literally hasn't said a word since you came in."

"Um..."

Corpse POV

Corpses heart stopped for a minute, his breath catching. The words on his wrist glowed gold, and he stared at the little red character standing there.

This person was the reason that he had "PRAISE BINGUS" stretched across his wrist.

They were the only reason that he had searched "Bingus" on google for all of his life. The only reason Corpse knew about the meme before anyone else was because he was constantly monitoring the word online. Ever since March, he had been waiting with bated breath, anxious that he could meet his soulmate at any moment. and here you were.

For some reason, he had never expected that he would meet you in among us, or while he was on stream. He always thought it'd be someone outside. It was a bit stupid in hindsight as all he did nowadays was play among us.

He heard you introduce yourself to him but the only thing that came out of his mouth was “No fucking way”.

Immediately after he wanted to slap himself.

“Idiot” he thought to himself. “At least try to make a good impression.”

When Rae asked what was wrong, heat sprung to his cheeks as he started revealing that they were soulmates, but Y/N cut him off, saying that it was nothing.

Corpse’s heart sank a little then.

'Maybe she’s just a private person,' he reasoned with himself.

'I shouldn’t have tried to say it on stream either. God, I’m a fucking idiot, if I said it, literally everyone would know and not only would I have hated the attention, she probabaly would have as well.'

Convincing himself that she was right, he reassured himself that it wasn’t because of him. She wasn’t revealing it because she probably didn't want all the attention.

For some reason though, his heart sank even more when Y/N didnt talk to him, instead talking to sykkuno about his dog. Like sure he could understand not wanting to reveal they were soulmates but shouldn’t she at least wanna talk to him? At this point he wouldn’t even mind if she talked about his voice like everyone else.

He groaned when the word "Imposter" came across his screen, his and Toasts character standing together. He was not in the right mindset right now to be able to be a good imposter. Breathing in deeply he continued in the game, with the first round passing by quick. The second round, he saw Y/N and stood with her for a bit wondering if he should kill her. Her red character moved to weapons and he sighed moving the mouse over the kill button. Just as he was thinking of clicking a body was found. Corpse swore as Toast flew off the ship. Deciding he needed to speed it up he killed four people in the round, hissing when the meeting was called. The moment Y/N accused him, he knew it was over. He didn't even bother defending himself much, just hoping the game would end soon.

When they were in the lobby, he quickly told everyone that he was going to leave because his internet was acting up. Turning off the stream after saying a quick thank you to everyone, he leaned back in his seat breathing through his nose.

What the fuck was his life.

Even his soulmate didnt want him. Honestly, he should have expected this. Abandoned at 12 with no one around him, why did his expect his soulmate to even give a fuck about him. Tears pricked his eyes and he blinked trying to get rid of them. He breathed in deeply, grabbing the water on the table and taking a big gulp. He had never hated himself more than he did right now. Why couldnt he have an easier life.

“Why cant I just fucking be NORMAL” he yelled throwing the empty bottle of water at the wall.

Throwing himself into bed, he scrunched up his eyes, hoping that sleep would come today, not noticing as his phone lit up with a single message.

Your POV

You stayed for another game and then ducked out apologizing and making an excuse up.

"Sorry it was such a short stream, everyone," you said pouting at the camera. "It was fun though so hopefully I get to do it again." Waving goodbye, you turned off the camera and leaned your head back staring at the ceiling.

What the actual fuck.

Grabbing your phone, you stared at it for a bit. Everything that you had pushed to the back of your mind in the game, was suddenly in the forefront.

The only thing you knew about Corpse was that he had a really deep voice, he narrated horror movies, and he maybe did music?

'Rae mentioned that once right?' you thought to yourself.

You unlocked the phone and then locked it again, too scared to actually do anything.

Unlocked.

Locked.

Unlocked.

Locked.

"Oh get a grip," you muttered to yourself, opening the phone and sending a text to Rae.

‘Hey Rae, do you have corpses number? Do you mind sending it to me, I need to tell him something.’

A reply came in a minute,

‘umm, why. he's pretty private so idk i don't rlly wanna give his number if he doesn't want someone to have it’

You sighed, and decided you might as well tell her. You knew Rae wouldn't betray your trust.

‘He's my soulmate’

Immediately a ‘AHDJHAKJKAGDAK’ came as a reply and you giggled at the string of emojis after it.

‘Don't tell anyone,’ you sent quickly, trying to calm her down.

‘Okay okay, its XXX - XXX - XXXX, ASHAGDH IM DYING OMG. GO TALK TO HIM.’

Biting your lip you added Corpse into your contacts hesitating before putting a small black heart next to his name.

"Already simping," you mumbled under your breath, hands hovering over the keyboard as you struggled to think of what to write.

You finally decided on 'Hey, its Y/N, can I call?' thinking that something short would be the best way to go. Hand hovering over the send button, you sucked in a breath and pressed it, waiting with bated breath.

A minute passed.

And then five.

And then, without you even you realising, it'd been half an hour of you just looking at your phone.

An hour later, you were slumped on your desk, eyes closed and snoring lightly, the phone still open, the message you sent lighting up the screen.

tbc.

#corpse husband #corpse x reader #corpse #corpse husband x reader #corpse x y/n #corpse husband fanfic #corpse fic #sykkuno #corpse husband imagine #corpse husband headcannons #corpse husband one shot #lilydaydreamsfics

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ariapmdeol · 4 years ago

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introducing @gavinom and I’s DSMP Parahuman AU!! This is a superpowers AU based on Worm, a web serial by wildbow!!

This is a superpowers AU,,, with a VERY complicated story. There are 3 or 4 main POV/plotlines:

Tommy and Tubbo’s plotline

Techno and Phil’s plotline

Dream’s plotline

Wilbur’s plotline

also niki’s plotline bc i appreciate her so much

they’re all very heavily interconnected! There’s a connection chart here, but there’s much more detailed explanations under the cut!

basic worldbuilding info: the city that this story focuses on (Dream SMP) is run by the Dream Team! They’re a group of villains who took over the city after it was being badly mismanaged by corrupt officials. Dream has connections to Cauldron (human experimentation group looking to create artificial powers). SBI + everyone else all live in this city! Powers are common and have a classification system shown below, and people with powers are called Capes! Capes are divided into Heroes, Villains, and Rogues (who are neither heroes or villains). People get powers when they experience an emotionally charged or traumatic event or events called a Trigger Event! These events shape what kind of power the cape gains!

SBI Tommy and Wilbur are both Philza’s biological kids! Philza is a researcher with long hours, Wilbur takes care of Tommy, but all of them have something else going on! ages: Tommy: 16 wilbur: 21 philza minecraft: early 40′s?

PHILZA - Mover 4 Philza is a researcher working for an organization called Cauldron. Cauldron is experimenting on people in order to understand and create powers artificially! As he ends up more and more involved with both the research on powers and the affected people (called Case 53′s), including technoblade, he decides that he cannot tolerate this anymore, and plans to break techno and others out! He steals a vial labelled ‘Zephyrus’, drinks it, and ends up with wings! He and techno break out, unlock a ton of other cells (including Ranboo’s!), and end up on the run. However, both his sons are left behind... After months of being on the run, he and Techno finally decide that it’s safe enough to return. But hang on, why is the house so empty? And did someone just open the door?

Technoblade - Tinker, Brute 3 technoblade is one of Cauldron’s Case 53′s! His power is a Tinker power, which means that he can invent things! However, he can only invent what chat decides is necessary. This is seen as an EXTREMELY overpowered and rare ability. Most Tinkers have some kind of specialty that they’re limited to, or some other restriction that limits their Ability-Driven inventiveness. Techno’s only limit is his Chat, which can be convinced into a certain direction. He also has had a lot of physical changes like gaining claws, tusks, hooves, and a tail! Techno also has increased regeneration and resistance! He’s fiercely overprotective of Phil and the two of them are best friends! After months on the run, he and Phil return to Phil’s home, but something is off... Is that a Tinker’s lab?!

Tommy - Trump 6 and Tubbo - Tinker (Drones), Master 3 Tommy’s plotline is technically our main POV! He really admires his older brother a ton! Philza’s spent a lot of time away from home, so Wilbur ended up looking after Tommy a lot, especially after Phil went missing... wonder where he went? About a month after Phil vanished, Wilbur starts spending a lot of time away from home too, so Tommy spends most of his time with Tubbo! When Tubbo got his powers, it was... not a good day. Tubbo hadn’t been having an easy time at school, and it all kind of... got to be too much, so he triggered. However, they both quickly realized that Tubbo had gotten a Tinker power! He creates and can manipulate Drones without a remote being necessary! The two of them immediately decided to become heroes, and started making costumes and hero names and stopping minor crime! Very quickly though, they got into a situation that was too much for them. Tubbo got badly injured, and Tommy triggered his ability for the first time. Tommy has the ability to boost the abilities of people he cares about! He makes them stronger and loosens some of the restrictions on their powers. Tommy and Tubbo continue trying to be heroes when they come across Ranboo, and take him home with them! Hm? it looks like someone else is inside already, who could that be?

Wilbur - Master 4, Thinker 3 Wilbur is a very charismatic and scheming character! He cares a ton about his family, and does his best to look after Tommy. He’s bitter and angry at Phil for essentially leaving him to take care of Tommy so often, and he triggered after Phil’s funeral, over a month after Phil first vanished. His ability is illusion based! He can project illusions into someone’s mind, and can read people very VERY well. He realizes that his power is definitely a powerful one, and ends up becoming a villain! He goes to Dream, and asks for some territory to prove himself as a leader (and bc villainy is profitable shhh). Dream agrees, and Phantasm becomes leader of a territory called L’Manburg. On his villain team are niki, eret, and fundy! He doesn’t want to involve Tommy or Tubbo in this whole thing, and he has no idea that either of them are Capes. He ends up spending more and more time outside the house and running his territory. Fundy ends up looking up to him as a sort of older brother/father figure, and when Fundy ends up without a place to go, Wilbur sets him up in their villain HQ! When he comes home, he immediately notices something is up. His power had suddenly gotten... stronger? He opens the door and sees...Philza?

Dream - Master 7, Tinker(?), Striker 2 Dream has the power to possess objects that he touches! He uses this + custom Puppets to act as the unkillable leader of the Dream Team! Dream is heavily involved with Cauldron, and personally oversaw Ranboo’s experimentation. He and Philza knew each other as civilians, and he knows that Philza stole a serum from Cauldron, but Phil doesn’t know that he’s Dream, just that he works for Cauldron! Sapnap and George both don’t know about his involvement in Cauldron, though. Dream is looking for Techno, and wants to convince him to get on his side. He has yet to meet someone who can beat him and his ability, after all! That’s part of why he gives Wilbur territory to look after so easily - he’s confident in his ability to take Wilbur down. However, things might be more difficult than he assumes... As a bit of a side note, both Awesamdude and 5up are rogues, but he hires both of them for jobs and such!

OTHER STUFF THAT I HAVEN’T QUITE PLANNED OUT AS MUCH IN DETAIL:

fundy and 5up are in a ML style love square! 5up has a crush on Fundy’s villain identity, while Fundy has a crush on 5up’s civilian identity!

niki and ranboo are siblings! she became a villain with Wilbur to look for him. Ranboo has been missing for a very VERY long time, and doesn’t remember anything before Cauldron!

5up also tends to help out Tommy and Tubbo a lot? He saved them from a situation that was UH.. VERY OUT OF THEIR LEAGUE pretty early on, and decided “welp time to become a big brother”! he’s been teaching them how to fight, and Tubbo is really having fun with it

all the plotlines collide on the same night. Phil and Techno come home at the same night that Tommy and Tubbo are bringing Ranboo home, Wilbur’s been out for the past week and is only now JUST coming home after getting Fundy settled, and none of them know about the other person’s powers at all

it’s CHAOS because Phil’s been assumed dead and has just come back with WINGS and a tall and intimidating Technoblade, who immediately pulls a sword on them, Tommy and Tubbo still are in costume, Ranboo recognizes Techno and Phil as the guys who broke him out, and WILBUR is realizing that he’s missed a hell of a lot

and NO ONE KNOWS that ranboo is the one niki is looking for! not even ranboo

theres like. a whole timeline to this that i still need to draw/write out but TRUST US WE HAVE A PLAN

George is a Precog who gets prophetic dreams! They’re primarily impressions though, and he’s ended up in someone else’s dreams a couple times... If he uses his ability too much, he gets insomnia!

karl and quackity are both there too i just havent planned their part yet!!

sapnap is a high Breaker/Brute/Striker cape, I just haven’t narrowed down the specifics yet!

#dsmp parahumans AU #sleepy bois inc #tommyinnit #tommy innit #technoblade #philza minecraft #tubbo #tubbo underscore #dream smp #dsmp #mcyt #dsmp au #superpower au #clingyduo #aria draws #my art #THIS AU IS SO COMPLICATED I LOVE IT SM #worm au #WORM WEB SERIAL MY BELOVED

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discountskeppy · 2 years ago

Note

1 2 4 5 7 9 22 :) for the game

WOAH these r a lot of lil numbers!! thank u i love talking abt stuff 1. right now i dont have any rlly! i main clip studio, shes my love and joy, but i have medibang too and i still use it for simpler lil things.

2. i dont rlly find myself seeing much difference in drawing either side! for me theyre just the same but flipped

4. guh... moralism realicide... its the HAIR i just dont understand it

5. i post pretty much all of my finished stuff? like scrolling thru all my clip studio layers theres only like a few i havent posted. if we're including all my little doodles, the fraction goes like WAYYY up i have so many sketches that just never see the light of day

7. physical painting! i could never have the time or supplies to do it, but i love just everything about them. like all the styles, techniques and the TEXTURE its so cool

9. simply put, they are not! i hardly make new files, if you scroll through all my art from this year, i can guarantee that at least like 80% of them dont have their own files and have just been copy and pasted from the same few clip studio canvases. as for the files i do have, its usually just a random word or a number, for example:

22. tbh i dont do any!! but ive been thinking about getting into the habit, bone pain is no joke!

#sorry some of these are so long LOL i like talking #also hi milo hiiiii #discounts spiel

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credulouscanidae · 3 years ago

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ive wanted to do youtube, or animation, or anything to do with being an influencer, for literally 6-8 years, ive attempted to make videos during those times, or write scripts, or do anything along those lines. but every single time ive attempted, ive had the same trains of thought or the same voices in my head that essentially make me give up before i even start. i have super complex feelings about it and im in a rambling mood so i guess im just gonna vent all i can about it and get it out.

i mean, a huge reason has been because ive been going through absolute hell my entire teenage/young adulthood, just all these personal traumas/emergencies/crises that have made me need to prioritse surviving day by day, which makes taking time to create genuinely so difficult. it makes me sad because as a preteen/early teen, i of course went through a lot of trauma and family dysfunction, but i used the computer and mt creativty to escape it all. i was really actively making amv’s, stories, art, etc. i arguably had more of a following/community than i do now. and im not sure what changed. i think just the general....fact that my trauma started to get more complex and being repeatedly shown that escaping didnt truly let me escape my abuses. i think ive been rewarded for staying low, keeping quiet, staying agreeable and compliant, because anything outside of that has gotten me hurt in the past.

i feel like im constantly swimming with ideas and inspiration, and i have a lot of feelings and need to talk about things. im not self absorbed by any means, and the idea of being an “influencer” itself is not whats appealing, i just like the idea of having my ideas out there and seeking connection through that.

and a lot of the thought patterns i get when i think about creating are a combination of “whats the point?” “someone else has already done it and better” “its an oversaturated market” “what makes me more interesting than the next person?” “i cant handle having my existence on display to others for them to critique and form opinions about” etc which i know are all very self-deprecating thoughts

but they get more complex than that

i think about how much youtubers are under scrutiny, i think about how toxic internet culture has become, and not even in a just way, like i literally cant handle the idea of a small group of people stalking my internet history over the 14 years ive been online, even knowing my deadname or some shit. and ive seen how much people can hurt when they wanna hurt.

i also, in a self deprecating way, just find myself not interesting. i think a lot about how people are constantly fighting algorithms and creating an online persona to get an edge, to grow their platform. then i get into this spiral of feeling like ugh. we’re forced to make a brand out of ourselves and sell ourselves. we lose a lot of our humanity through this, because weve curated a very specific version of ourselves that is digestible and consumable. im also not a confrontational person (due to trauma) and i see a lot of the popular youtubers be people that are very outspoken, cemented in their ideas, and unfortunatly, are in dramas or even seek/perpetrate it. of course i follow a lot of people who arent like that, but they feel a lot more educated and well spoken compared to me.

again, i understand a lot of this comes from self depreaction and pesimission, but i literalyl cannot shake these thoughts every time i go to create something. “whats the point” is a very strong thought, because i feel like a nothing, someone who cant add anything substantial to pretty much any topic that has already been discussed into the ground. it feels very bleak and a big reason ive struggled to even draw or create merch the last 2 years. or bothered with my online presence as an artist. i have lots of visions and goals about where i wanna take myself, but dont have the charisma, motivation, or certainty that i want to.

and i know that being a creator isnt as vapid and vain as im making it sound, being a creator online is just that, a creator. expressing creativity, taking the ideas in your head and sharing it with others. i feel like thats, at its core, why pretty much everyone starts out doing this. but i mean, dont even get me started on the need to monetise off your creativty, thats another big chunk as to why i falter in producing “content”. im just so fatigued, because i know i cant ever been like my 13 year old self again where i just created whatever the fuck i wanted out of fun, bc i now feel like the internet has been...”infected by capitalism” for a lack of a better term, and theres a lot of pressure nowadays to sell yourself to a certain standard.

ironically, i feel like composing a proper think piece about my feelings and putting them into a video lmao.

also just practical issues like i dont have the money to invest in a camera/equipment, ive had unstable housing in the past so production has been difficult/impossible, and i havent had the computer to handle video editing up until last year. siiiigh, just so much fuckery

#life of doge #pls dont reblog unless u have something to add about relating or something #i know i sound....whatever in this #also considering im just random user on the internet i know how weird this all comes off #ive got a tiny tiny following already due to my art but idk #just all these complex feelings about creating in general has me feelin not great

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daaziscoolbesties · 3 years ago

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i yearn for one(1) thing only, and that is to have a nice, simplistic, cartoonish artstyle. an artstyle that doesnt rely on anatomy, but the "movement" of the drawing, if you get what i mean.

i dont want realistic proportions and traditional colors and basic poses and gradient shading, i want funky lil dudes in funky poses with funky styles littering my sketchbook :( but alas i havent figured out how to develop that kind of style yet, my brain wants anatomy to look nice but also i dont want to draw eyes. i dont want to take time out of my day to learn how to draw lips i want to draw a line that extends past the characters face. i dont want all my characters to have pointy chins with curved cheeks i want their heads to be round and friend-like or full of sharp edges depending on their personalities and styles. i want to give them all not-quite human ears, blob feet, simple faces, but at the same time i want enough detail to convey the story or emotion im trying to tell.

ive spent so much time recently agonizing over how to use 3d model websites, using real-life references and tracing over them for practice, color-picking from real images to try and do realism and failing miserably, but you know whats easier than that? funky little dudes. little dudes who do not care if their legs are too long or their hair is too bouncy. i dont want my characters to look human.

ive spent enough time on the artfight website to realize that most people who classify their characters as "human" have the most basic ass designs (no offense to people who like basic human designs its just not my thing) or its like dnd-medieval style outfits which i cant draw for the life of me (ive tried). again no offense to people who actively enjoy and draw characters like that. i just need my dudes to have that certain,,, off-ness to them. tails are cool. wings are swag (especially if they arent even like,, fully attached,, ), elf ears are so wonderful to me no matter how much theyre overused, horns are so much fun to draw, and colors!! i have no knowledge in the color theory department so this works great for me!! the only thing i really know is dont shade with black, other than that i just colorpick from references usually but i dont want to do that!! i want the colors to hurt people's eyes but in a satisfying way. like the character's design is so nice to look at that you dont mind your eyes hurting a bit. like how im enjoying writing this post even though its 2 am and the brightness on my computer wont go any lower.

and then another thing ive noticed from being on the artfight website is that a lot of people classify their characters that are anthro/have anthro features under humanoids/monsters. like i made a google form to find some people to attack and someone sent me in a character with some sort of animal (wolf? idk) arms and legs. like dude!! peak character design i love her. but me personally? i cant draw that shit, its so hard for me. i tried a while back and its just Not my thing. nothing against furries i just. cant. and i dont want to either.

and i got another submission that i accidentally deleted that was like full anthro/wolf-like like my comrade,,, i cannot draw animals what makes you think i can draw an animal who acts like a human lmao. i can do like. very basic tails, and also animal ears but i cant do the arms and legs and such i just dont know the anatomy, and i know i was talking about how i dont want to care about anatomy but i feel like for anthros you really do need to know at least basic animal anatomy so you know how the limbs look and shit and i dont have that knowledge and dont feel like gaining it.

and then there were some submissions that i absolutely adored. there was one that like, was vaguely human shaped but definitely was not a human. they had a dark-ish lavender colored skin and horns and tusks and like goat ears and a sorta fluffy tail with spikes on it and they had wings and such and they were such a pleasure to draw i love them. and they had a fairly simple outfit too, nothing too complicated. and then i also enjoy object head characters, theyre so neato to me. i got one of those and i really wish i had the motivation to work on it cause it looks so fun.

i want to make funky characters but id have nothing to do with them because the only book i ever tried writing (key word tried - never got past planning it out) had strictly human characters in it, and most of the books i read are humans/humans with powers in situations specific to them so id have no idea what lore to make with the dudes. assuming i have the motivation to make lore and backstory because honestly i just really enjoy character designing its super duper fun.

(side note a song about trucks doing the deed came on just now and its interrupted my flow, apologies).

i only have three actual characters right now. one is an original roleplay oc whos design is literally athletic shorts, an oversized long sleeved grey sweatshirt, long purple hair, and demon horns. the second one is my persona whos design some sorta medival knight outfit kinda thing? but not ugly it looks really cool (idk one of my friends designed it bc i won some contest from him but the drawing was on a super small scale so idrk the details,,,) with a plague doctor mask and crown, and shoulder length wavy brown hair, dyed bright pink at the end. and then my last one im not too comfortable using other places because theyre a character my friend is using in the story hes writing, and thats really the only place theyve been used. but theyre easily my favorite and im already writing a ton so ill talk about them too.

they're a sorta elf species thing from another planet, with pale green skin and pointed ears. they also have a tail, its like,, super thin, but with a feathery bit at the end. probably not the texture of a feather but i dont know how else to describe it. they have short, curly, almost-draco-malfoy-blonde hair that when it gets too long they can put in a man bun. their eyesight is kinda shitty so when they got to earth, they were exploring some supply closets around the airship. drop off area. thing. like airport but for rocketships and also fancier. yeah. they were exploring that area and found a nice big pair of round glasses with grey frames. and they also found a cowboy-style hat and a sharpie so they wrote their name on the underside of the brim of the hat and stole the hat and glasses (but left the sharpie in the supply closet).

yeah theyre my favorite, my absolute beloved, my child, so cool. i want more characters like them but with maybe a bit more snazzier designs. theyre super cool and all but they could have more pizzazz if they werent in a story where its too late to give them more pizzazz. i just want to be able to give my characters thigh-high boots with a bunch of buckles and fluffy hair with tons of accessories crammed in and abnormally large and long ears that can harbor many piercings and horns that can hold rings on them and special little details on their outfits like who knows what but i dont have any characters to do that too, so i have to make them from scratch, which is always hard especially when you have artblock.

and i also have like 17 characters i need to fully draw, line, and maybe color for artfight before august 1st. so i dont know. i have many things to do and plenty of time to do it but instead i spend my time halfway watching repetitive youtube videos that get boring or sleeping all damn day because i stay up too late doing things like this or i just do nothing at all and its tiring and frustrating but i also feel nothing about it like theres no consequence if i dont do it besides you know. not doing it, not gaining that experience, not making something i enjoy.

so i should do it but i dont for whatever reason, i think its called executive dysfunction but im not sure. this post started out very differently than it ended and i said somewhere up there that i was writing this at 2 am but now its almost 3. this is so many words why couldnt i have put this energy into something productive

#long post #sorry its so messy but like i said its almost 3 am and i dont want to go back and format all this #i might come back and make it look nicer in the morning #maybe not who knows #i just checked and this is 1.5k words what the hell

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reeesea · 4 years ago

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Something Sweet: Part Seven

~sweet home~

one ~ two ~ three ~ four ~ five ~ six ~ seven ~ eight ~ nine

pairing: minsung, han jisung/lee minho

warning: mild language

words: 4.7k

summary: Home is where your bros at right? right.

a/n: I actually like this chapter, shocker. i hope you enjoy

ao3

----------------

Minho stared at the video file sitting on his computer, on the familiar application site that had been haunting his mind for the past couple years. The debate he found himself in with himself on whether or not to submit another application, had become his default subject of thought for much of the past few weeks. All building up to right now. Something had tipped the scale though. Something that reminded him if he didn't submit an entry this year, that he might as well have given up on his one dream. His one goal. The only thing that had been keeping him motivated through university. So once again he found himself rationalizing, and knew that if anything he had to try, at least just one last time.

Upload complete, Thank you for your entry!

Minho sighed loudly. He had sent it in. The first part of the application. It was just a basic dance routine supplied by the academy. He had practice and recorded it all within one sitting. Having been a part of a dance crew for much of the past year had allowed him to quickly pick up choreography and perfect it. The other reason being that he wanted more than anything to get the overbearing presence of the audition tape out of his head space as soon as possible. A heavy sigh left his lips as he laid back down on the studio floor, not too long after a ping of his phone revived just enough for him to check his messages.

[Rich Boy Han Jisung]

2:50 pm

Minho-hyung!

I hope your day has been going well~

Sadly, no updates on when ill be free :/

They’re working us hard for the debut

It’s alright Ji, work hard!

You better be taking care of yourself tho...

4:03 pm (new)

Have you heard this song? Made me think of you :)

{link attached}

I hope you like it!!!!

Oh, no i havent

I’ll give it a listen ^-^

As of late it wasn’t uncommon for Jisung to send the older songs he thought he would like. Always saying some cheesy line that was so blatantly sweet it made Minho flustered everytime. This time of course was no exception.

Ping.

HYUNG THAT EMOJI

Asjdnjsfma

I knew I was rubbin goffon you

Kkkkk

Dont get too ahead of yourself

atleast I can still type coherent sentences

~goffon~

Boo :p

Why Jisung was so persistent about sending him songs was lost on the older, but it was a sweet reminder that someone was thinking about him. It had been a while since Minho had even imagined that someone took a few minutes of their day to actually consider how he was doing. It didn't quite make sense to him that suddenly out of nowhere, there was his boy, man, person, who purposefully took the time to dedicate brain cells to his existence. Wild.

Minho hurriedly clicked the link to the song that Jisung had sent. It was an upbeat song, with a strong but subtle strumming of a guitar to keep the song’s pace just quick enough to be comfortable. “There's no one else that could ever hold me like you do.” The lyrics were in the realm of positive longing and companionship, but the dips into minor chords and tone of the singer created a mood of desperation. More than anything, the song brought forth a story to Minho. One that he could see with his eyes close and feel his body wanting to move to.

A smile stretched across his face, as he rose from his spot on the floor, dusting off the dull ache and pressure in his shoulders from having just finished a routine not even 10 minutes ago.

“But I know that I'd be crazy, Not to wanna be the one to keep you up all night”

Woah there Jisung, at least take me out to dinner first. He made a mental note to tease the younger later about his “Made me think of you :)” line later. Already stretching and drawing a plan in his head, Minho took his phone and saved the song, pressing the repeat button twice, to allow the guitar chords and chorus harmonies to carry on endlessly. A smirk stretched into an excited smile. Not wanting to jinx himself, a shy “finally” was whispered in the back of Minho’s mind at the surge of inspiration, but not spoken aloud just yet.

---

Flashing lights, heavy makeup, hot clothing, and too much fog from the smoke machine is all Jisung had thought about for the last couple hours. 3RAHCHA was in their last photo shoot for their debut. The concept photos would be released later through the week, slowly revealing the three members and their group as officially signed with JJP ent.

The multicolor lights had been running through his vision for so long that as soon as he walked into their Green Room, he had almost forgotten what color everything actually was. Looking in the mirror he saw the blonde highlighted streaks in his hair had settled nicely, slightly slicked back. The stylist had surely done their jobs well. Painting the three rappers up to look less like the nightcrawlers they were, and into something that leather and fishnet clad superstars might look like was definitely a challenge. Jisung had his makeup done just enough to give his eyes a smoky look to them, and grey contacts to emphasize his gaze. The ensemble he had on looked like something that had come straight from a catwalk. Fishnets crawling up his arms from his gloved hands and an asymmetrical shit he for sure would not have been able to put on without the help of his stylist-noona. All that plus some leather pants and combat boots, he definitely looked more like his persona J.One than the notorious hoodie clad couch potato named Jisung he usually found himself as.

Having just finished his own solo shoot, he signaled Changbin to head on to the set as he returned. The older nodded from his chair in front of the makeup station, as the artist finished the final touches to his eyeliner. Jisung watched as the shorter rapper walked out to the set in a white puffer jacket that he somehow pulled off, even with the bright red pants he wore. A part of Jisung was thankful his stylist hadn’t taken that many liberties with his outfit, but the makeup and outfit Changbin wore really only emphasized his intimidating stare and the wideness of his shoulders. It was undeniable that their concept photos would come out well.

Chan, who was seated on a couch, eating some of the provided sandwiches, was already hunched over his computer and mixing equipment again, airpods in. Probably working on tracks for their third comeback knowing him. Not wanting to jump right back into work Jisung snagged a few snacks from the buffet and found a chair he could lay on. Listening to music that wasn't work had become a rarity for Jisung in the years he had been with 3RACHA. Of course he always tried to stay on top of the recent pop and hip hop trends, but straying any farther than his trusty morning and workout playlists was more than unlikely.

Lately though, Jisung found himself looking through a lot of random indie, alternative, “western” pop, and especially dance music. The versatility of the genres was comforting to Jisung in the rather turbulent state his emotions and mental state have been in, as the debut approached. Also Minho. Meeting Minho definitely had introduced a whole new set of feelings Jisung was still working on navigating. As he listened to the different songs that populated this radio, he told himself he was just looking for some inspiration for his lyrics and 3RACHA’s new music, but even he knew that was mostly a lie.

Ever since that night at the bar with Minho he found himself always considering the older and what he would think of a song or how he would dance to it, or if he would even like it. After pointing out that he liked a particularly upbeat pop song with melancholic lyrics, during their impromptu karaoke session, Jisung had been delvinging into all related categories to find songs he thought the older might enjoy. He wanted more than anything to inspire his older companion? Partner? (that was a later Jisung question.) but he wanted to repay the man who had allowed him to get out of his creative slump. That night, as soon as the youngest rapper had returned to the 3RACHA “house” he felt the start of at least 5 separate tracks and choruses appear in his brain. His two hyungs jumped into action along with him as Jisung desperately tried to write and record everything that was jumping out of his brain at once.

Jisung remembered Chan’s smile and encouraging words as he fitted a few of his new verses to songs they had previously put on the shelf. After finding a particularly emotional but upbeat song he immediately wanted to send it to Minho. He always got hung up on what to say with the link. Other than the thought vomit that occurred every time he chooses to send him a potentially good song: “Found this song? U Like???” No Jisung, what are you five?? “I think you will enjoy this song. Please give it a listen? :0” No that just sounds desperate.

“You doing alright there Ji, I can hear you sighing through my earbuds?” Chan peeked out from under his styled bangs with a raised eyebrow, sending Jisung into a red embarrassed mess that he had been caught. He hoped his layers of foundation would cover it up.

“Yeah fine fine, don't worry. I’m FINE.” Attempting to hide Jisung curled up tighter into his arm chair. Just be casual Jisung it's a song not a marriage proposal dear god. “Have you heard this song? Made me think of you :)” Good, yes fine. Send.

Minho responded immediately and cutely with an emoji that made his heart jump a little. Minho would respond always with a variation of a “Thanks! I’ll go listen”, but Jisung had yet to receive any confirmation that the older actually enjoyed the links he sent, much less had found some inspiration in them. At this point the only thing he could do was hope. He wanted nothing more than Minho to be smiling because of him.

Officially exhausted, it wasn’t until late when the 3RACHA boys had finally made it back to their apartment. The day Jisung had, had been anything but short. Almost collapsing immediately on the couch. Sana notified them that she had already ordered food to be delivered for dinner and that they should go to bed as soon as they had finished eating. Chan looked like he was about to pass out on the couch before the food even arrived, which was more than likely at this point. After their shoot they were immediately sent to a few other meetings laying out their marketing and schedule plans for the upcoming weeks. Although glad they were able to part with their artistic and career decisions with their company, it did add a lot of work and responsibilities to the trio.

Jisung’s phone had died somewhere after meeting 3 of 5 and he had submitted to having to carry the lifeless brick with him anyway. Not ideal for his wandering mind and anxiety that comes with a few too many stressful meetings. Once finally arriving home he went and plugged his phone in at the charger on the kitchen counter. Lighting up with notification buzzes as it rebooted back to life.

[ 5 new messages from Lee Minho hyungie]

Immediately cursing himself internally for not bringing his charger with him, he opened his messages from Minho ignoring all others.

[Lee Minho hyungie]

5:45 pm

Hey Jisungie, just finished up practice!

Actually may or may not have danced to the song u sent…

Maybe I’ll show you some day hehehehehehehehe ;)

7:21 pm

Han Jisung, did you forget your charger again >:/

Well I’m off to my late shift, I hope you have a good night~

Jisung always found himself smiling at Minho’s before work texts. They were always so cute. Either some sort of sweet well wishing or some other Minho-esque goodbye, along the lines of “don’t die mysteriously while i'm gone ;p” or “Have a good night, try not to miss my WONDERFUL company too much <3”. (The hearts always made Jisung grin hard, even if they were sarcastic)

This night though, Jisung found him almost jumping in victory at Minho’s text.

[Lee Minho hyungie]

12:35 am

YOU DANCED TO THE SONG

Really?!?!?!

What did you like about it?

When can I see????

You better not leave me on read after work!

Jisung tried to imagine what kind of dance Minho would do to the track he sent,and suddenly found himself flush at the thought of watching the other dance. Somehow, watching Minho dance, felt more intimate than any other situation that they’ve shared. Thankfully Minho seemed to want to hold off, so at least of the time being Jisung’s heart was safe. The exhaustion and stress from the day faded ever so slightly as soon as he thought of Minho with coordinating blush to match.

Jisung you lovestruck fool.

“Jisung! Food’s here!!! If you don't hurry Chan’ll eat your portion again.”

“HEY! It was one time.” Laughter filled the apartment gently as they all respectively fought gravity to get up and make their way to collect the food from the delivery man.

---

Minho tore up the stairs and through their apartment door as quickly as he could without spilling the carry out food he had in his arms. The clock was ticking a little past midnight and fear set in that the older would miss their planned celebrations.

Bursting through the door, “Did I beat him?!” The oldest was frazzled from rushing in order to beat their third roommate home from work.

“Barely! I was afraid you wouldn’t make it, with having to bring the carry out.” Hyunjin’s sigh of relief was visible throughout the boy's now relaxed body. He had spent the last ten minutes hoping that they would still be able to pull off their surprise party for the youngest. Pacing around and failing to come up with any backup plans if Minho had been later than Felix. Thankfully for them both, Minho had a way of always being on time.

“Hey all that matters is I made it. Is everything else ready?” Looking around Minho could see that Hyunjin’s bed was transitioned back into the couch setting and that the floors had been tidied up. A couple stray balloons littered the floor as well as a home made “happy birthday felix” sign hung from their living room screen divider.

“Yep, I've just been waiting anxiously for you to get home for the past half hour.”

The door handle of their apartment began to jiggle, signaling the two boys to spring into action. Minho setting down the carry out, and Hyunjin frantically lights candles on the small cake on the coffee table. The door swung open, revealing a disheveled after-work Felix wandering through the door. As soon as the boy turned toward their living room, he was accosted with shouts and the flailing limbs of his hyungs.

“Surprise!!!” “Happy Birthday!!!”

Felix’s smile erased any of the signs of exhaustion off his face immediately as soon as he spotted his hyungs excited expressions. The cake, the streamers, the balloons, and sign all sparked some joyful tearing of his eyes as he set down his things and made his way to the small cake with a few random lit candles on top. The clock had crossed over into the next day as Felix had made his way home, that he had almost forgotten that it was now technically the early morning hours of his birthday. Coming home to joyful cheers instead of their usual exhausted silence had given him a certain happiness that he hadn’t realized he was missing.

For all of three of the roommates this was their first time having a celebration in their small home together. By now the sense of home was undeniable and without realizing it all of them had begun to consider each other and their shared 3 room apartment, home.

The disjointed singing of happy birthday followed by the laughter and conversation surrounded their coffee table as the three enjoyed their small carryout feast and cake. The warmth that their company gave each other lasted well into the night.

“Hyung! It's my birthday, stop eating all the cake!!!”

“I have no idea what youre talking about Lixie.” Minho says while actively taking another bite of their 2 person sized cake.

“Hyung!” The laughter of the oldest filled the room followed by the other two’s not too long after.

“Happy Birthday Lixie~” The smile hadn’t left the freckled boys faces since he had sat down, and remained as he pulled his two roommates into a forceful hug. It was his birthday so the boys both submitted to the clingy nature of their third roommate, as always.

---

It was late into the early morning by the time Minho had checked his phone.

[ 5 new messages from Rich Boy Han Jisung]

A soft pang of guilt hits his chest after reading the younger’s texts and realizing that he did in fact leave the other on read for the better part of the last two hours.

2:43 am

I’m so sorry Sungie!

We were celebrating Felix’s birthday, and I didnt check my phone….

Look at the cute cake we got him!

{photo attached}

Minho sent the selfie of the three of them with Felix’s cake, if anything just to lessen the guilt in his chest. Hoping that the cuteness of Felix’s smile would be enough to forgive him for low key ghosting him for a few hours. Minho knows that on the days Jisung has the most schedules are the hardest for him mentally, and he always tries his best to be there for him and send him a message or two to lessen the load on those nights. The fact that he hadn’t been there tonight filled him with some worry. A part of him hoped that the younger would’ve been asleep by now but their late night track record did not exactly support that.

---

Jisung had been lying painfully awake in his bed for an hour when he heard the buzz of his phone. Slightly upset with his body for not giving into the exhaustion he had gathered from the day, and just letting him sleep, he turned to the side table to check the messages. Awake fully ,but only mentally half conscious, he read through his messages:

Minho. Oh, yay, it's Minho.

Felix’s Birthday. Oh right he had mentioned that coming up.

Cute cake. Aw that cake is really cute… wait.

Birthday.

I have one of those, around this time to-

I missed my birthday. I forgot my birthday. Everyone forgot.

The cute picture Minho had sent was so filled with happiness that Jisung almost let the pain slide and pass the moment by. But something just didn't feel right in letting himself forget his own birthday. The fact that the others hadn’t remembered didn’t bother him too much. Chan, Changbin, they were all busy with schedules and he can't blame them. Especially since he, himself had forgotten. No birthday text from his family either. Unsurprising though since he rarely got in contact with them since moving to Korea in high school. He forgot though.

He wasn’t quite sure why this was bothering him so much. Some people don't even celebrate their birthday, or remember how old they are, but Jisung had always prided himself on never letting his work take over entirely who he was. To exhausted-Jisung, he couldn’t help but feel like this was one step toward losing the grip on who he was, and that was in itself, terrifying.

The coldness of his bed and the dark expanse of his room seemed to only perpetuate the way Jisung felt. Floating, alone, lost. His insecurity was starting to come into focus, and no wonder it had been keeping him up. He had been spiraling for days probably, without even knowing it. The buzz of his phone lit up his face, snapping him out of his own thoughts for a moment.

[Lee Minho hyungie]

2:50 pm

You okay Jisung?

I hope I didn't wake you

Jisung noticed that the app had revealed that he had read the messages and was indeed awake. Unfortunately, exhausted-and--spirling-Jisung was the only one present enough to send a response. Hopefully Minho wouldn’t mind him too much.

You didn’t wake me, was already up :/

It looks really fun hyung

I just realized something too

My birthday was yesterday

I forgot it

Jisung found himself fighting the watering of his eyes as he sent those messages. Why was he crying? He just forgot, he was busy. It was okay. Right? The tears seemed to only cloud his vision more, blocking him from reading the messages from Minho that were buzzing and populating the screen. Not bothering to wipe his eyes, he let them blurr.

Wh- do you- mea- ???

Jis--ng ar- y-- ok--?

I-- sorry i- di-nt -----

---- wa-t --- ca-l?

--sung?

A few moments passed, without him realizing it, as his phone buzzed some more, screen changing to the incoming call screen. Sucking up his tears and drying his damp screen, it took a few tries before answering the call.

---

“Jisung!?” Jisung nearly flinched, just nearly.

“Hi hyung, How was work?” hoping to cover up his tears by changing the subject. Jisung thought it was a pretty good attempt.

“How wa- what, no. Jisung are you okay?” There it was again. The undeniable worry in Minho’s voice. Ow.

“Yeah I’m okay.” Despite Jisung’s efforts it was obvious to Minho that the other had in fact been crying. Not wanting to push the younger though, he allowed him to change the subject

“.... okay, I just want to check in on you. I worry you know, Sung!”

“About me? that's silly hyung.” The distance in his tone replaced Jisung’s usual brightness, and it hurt Minho to hear it.

“I don't think so. How am I to know what my favorite customer is up to? You may be a soon to be rap star but that doesn’t keep you from ignoring your hyung.” Even though Jisung giggled at that, the irony of the statement wasn’t lost on Minho. A wave of guilt washed over his chest as soon as he said it.

“I am sorry though. For not answering sooner and everything.”

And for reminding you of your birthday, and making you cry, and not being there to make you smile.

“No don’t be sorry! That’ll only make me feel worse for bothering you… I think the exhaustion was just making me delirious, I haven't been sleeping well these past few nights.” Minho had to fight his initial protective instincts that told him to scold the younger for not taking care of himself, because a part of him knew that the younger was certainly trying his best to do so.

“Well if you can’t sleep ever, just call me okay? I’m usually up from my shifts anyway. Plus if I'm not up surely one of my roommates is. Felix will probably never let go of you once he finds your birthday brothers." Hearing Minho's laugh lightened the tight pressure that Jisung hadn't realized had been settled in his chest.

"Okay hyung, i'd like that I think."

"You better. My time rarely comes free, and this is a limited time offer." Jisung’s laugh is a little bit more enthusiastic this time.

“Of course hyung.” A silence came over them for a moment. Not an awkward one, more of a point of realization and relief. Like the feeling after having a good cry, in Jisung’s case.

“Happy belated birthday Jisung.”

“Thanks hyung… Did you have a fun time with Felix?”

“Yeah! It was actually a lot of fun. Just some carry out and cake after work, but it was good to relax with them. We don't always have free time together, and haven’t had the chance to celebrate anything until now. Hyunnie luckily found a cake on sale at the mart today, sparking this whole thing.”

Minho remembered the frantic call from the younger as he delved into his plans for giving Felix the “perfect surprise birthday celebration” because he had “found the perfect cake to match Felix’s cuteness.” It was on sale. Also because “Come on Min-hyung Felix would absolutely do the same for us.” Explaining the situation to Jisung really did solidify the fact that Minho knew Felix, would in fact, plan some adorable birthday celebration for the older two if given the opportunity.

“What would you guys have done if he hadn't found the cake?”

“I’m not sure maybe it would’ve just been a carry-out celebration.”

“Still sounds really nice hyungie. You and your roommates seem so close.”

“I suppose shared rent does that to people.” Minho laughed it off but he had begun to cherish the brotherly bond that had grown between his roommates.

Not having ever considered it before, the fact that the roommates were only able to buy a cake because it happened to be on sale, revealed to Jisung that their financial situations may have been farther apart than he realized. Money had never been a barrier that Jisung had to face, always having family (or honestly Changbin) help pay for his living and pursuit of his dreams. Sure he’s had part time jobs in the past but he never found himself worrying about not making enough each month. Not going to university definitely was a large factor in maintaining his “affordable” lifestyle.

“It's nice you do things for each other. I can't remember the last time my hyungs and I have done something together that didn't have to do with our music.” Jisung started to feel some sort of jealousy at the closeness that Minho and his roommate had found in each other. Financial guilt and emotional jealousy are a strange combination for a half conscious Jisung to say the least.

“Are those fools not taking care of my Sung properly? Illegal, tell them to call me I have to yell at them too. They better not be working you too hard.”

‘My Sung’ Jisung almost choked. Almost.

“Nonono Hyung! They take care of me fine, we're all just exhausted with work.”

“Hmmmm okay they get a pass this time, but please relay my threat.”

“Okay okay I will.”

“You should probably get some rest soon. You're busy tomorrow right?”

Jisung yawned in response, which was enough convincing for Minho that he needed to rest.

“Okay looks like it's sleepy time for hardworking Jisung~”

“Wait hyung!” Jisung wasn’t quite ready to sleep yet, even though his body was actively fighting him.

“Yes belated birthday boy?”

“Thank you for not letting me be a sad gremlin all night. It would've been nice to have spent my birthday with you, but you still made me feel better.”

The musings of sleepy Jisung were just about enough to let the fondness burst from Minho’s chest. As much as he continues to hide it, the fondness still seeps into his voice, “Of course, Jisung we always have next year.” A promise he wasn’t sure he could keep but Jisung always made him want to try new things.

“Next year?” The sleepiness had definitely taken over, making his voice much softer than his usual bright edge.

“Yes next year... Goodnight Sungie, call me back if you can't sleep okay.”

“Mmkay, G’night hyungie.” Already half asleep by the time he hung up, Minho was glad that the younger was finally able to rest. Glancing at his roommates huddled together on the couch already drifting off, Minho accepted that it was his turn to finally rest knowing that all his younger companions were all safely sleeping. Hyung instincts he supposes.

-----

one ~ two ~ three ~ four ~ five ~ six ~ seven ~ eight ~ nine

#skz au #skz fic #stray kids au #stray kids fic #lee minho #han jisung #minsung #leeknow #skz lee know #skz han #stray kids #lee felix #hwang hyunjin

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