#theres more but whtever

[highoncatfood]

at the risk of sounding stupid- would the mystery phantoms be adjacent to trickster modes? idk anything about homestuck i just saw the trickster modes once and went "they look like Willy Wonka threw up on them" and compared it to how MP look like sparkledogs threw up on them

ive thought abt that and id say that yes. bcuz trickster mode is the result of interacting with the lollipop juju

and bcuz i made shinigami a cherub and the book of death her juju, mystery phantoms would still be connected to it

and i feel like with fanmade cherubs and jujus theres a bit more freedom as to what they can do and how they could affect the reality/narrative?? cuz yeah they hav their rules and shit but theyre only strict to those specific objects in homestucks canon. so i think i can just come up with a little bit of a different way for shinis juju to work

and its nothing crazy, it p much works the same as in raincode, creating mystery labyrinths. but to make it more Wacky Homestuck Time and Space Shenanigans style interacting with it would create a temporary side-reality/side-timeline thingy. and her being a thief of time (spoiling the classpect i gave her but whtever) would be super helpful as she could freeze one timelines, well, time for as long as the 'mystery labyrinth' would hav to exist and her and yuma could solve shit and fight phantoms in there as they please

still a big wip but to keep yumas journey of solving cases i think i could make his sburb quest kinda represent that buuut im still thinking of the details so excuse me for leaving this kinda.vague?

[kingmystrie]

Tbh idk why anyone got mad at louxie for crowsong story tbh. Like ppl say it reeks of reverse racism but... they're all related. Like the whole context of the story is that Crowsong is the black sheep of the family for not meeting their bauty standards not cat racism or whatever.

Black cats dont mean black coding. Idk thats just what i think as a black person im p sure theres other black ppl who'd disagree with me but tbh the closest analogy to a real world thing imo would be how in the medival ages or whtever they thought red haired people were witches or fae or something.

Imo the people reducing racism to purely just abt how people look like is really fucking dumb and im tired of people -- especially white folks -- assume thats what racism is. I honestly dont know how people interpreted it has supposed to be a reverse racism. Like even if the intention was for Crowsong to be discriminated like that it'd just be regular racism in a fictional environment. I'd especially like to note that Crowsongs fur texture is even curly before going to the darkforest so the assumption she'd be white just cause she has albinism is just so freaking awful for me esp considering black people with albinism exist and are still seen as black.

At the end of the day the story is more or less about familial abuse than any of that stuff. Like the most important thing jn the whole story is the different familial relationships all the characters have to eachothr and how its fucked up and hurts everyone and culminates in the complete annihilation of their family. It is the cycle of abuse.

Like I know why people think that... but also I dont get it. You feel me?

[xecat]

been watchin a playthrough of scarlet and man. they dont lie. the extremely buggy game with lots of flaws has some really cool parts and looks really fun . ramblin under cut

i honestly like most of the character designs and how the models look w textures n stuff (the dodgy rimlighting isnt great but the rest looks good imo) . the cutscenes w unique animations are really cool especially in the ending areas !! and the story is actually good from wht ive seen.

it feels like the team working on it put passion into it despite the time crunch. obviously theres a lot of bugs and the open world environments/textures feel a bit empty and bland. but just from wht ive seen and heard abt scarlet/violet. i really feel like this couldve been the best or one of the best in the series if they had more time to work on it and were unionised . it feels like they did put care into some parts of the game and i wish tht couldve translated to the rest of the game (like the fuckin eating animation lmao even sw/sh had a better eating sequence than the sandwich one)

also take everythin im sayin with a grain of salt or whtever. this is mostly my opinion as someone who has only properly played one poke game (watched playthrus of some others) and i am known for liking most media like enjoying "bad" games and "bad" movies and "bad" music lol

[shikanjis]

my mums still kinda weird abt it tho.....

[yellowhearther0]

one more thing and then i’ll shut up

wound up crying in front of both of my parents and they both basically told me that this wouldn’t of happened if i had just said something when my mom was telling me off the first time but also like-

they do realize theres a reason i didnt say anything

[wormstar]

I really liked all of avos! I have a LOT of problems with it, I liked it bc of alderhearts anxiety but he lost his personality, finleap and twiggy's whole.. thing when I had liked finleap a lot before, and the way the clans just keep like dithering and running into skyclan to waste time is really annoying, etc. But! I liked the darktail plot, I liked that we saw the clans dealing with the fallout (even if three books was too much for that) and I liked the characters a lot! I cried a few times like briarlight's and needletail's deaths, alderheart's full medicine cat name, and when tigerheart and dovewing were revealed to still be together (I'm a sucker 😭). I think it could have been paced far better but the kin and the protagonists are worth it if you liked like. oots and tbh imo

oh yeah i think the reason avos disappoints me so much is because theres a lot of like. really good bones but the meat on them is so frail. avos is probably like the only arc where its like. narratively shown that the clans got scarred by a battle and are still struggling to adjust to regular life again, like conceptually i like tigerstar's sudden bitterness toward skyclan (though i wish it was better written. word of god states him becoming mean in the tail end of avos is him trying to show off and be strong to give his clan hope which i do find congruous with tigerhearts shadow but it was written like SHIT) and i think the fact that theres a few moments where its like. ok this is a new chapter. this happens literal months AFTER the prior chapter. you get to read all about it. is a new thing for wc. cool stuff not executed well enough is the main gripe i have i guess

[moon-lords-lower-body]

Ive been looking into like, finding a way too hook up my computer to display on an old crt tv i found just lying around the house for a while now, but i didnt rly have the space or idk. Total drive to actually get the thing i need UNTIL TODAY (last night but whtever)

Its a novel thing and im sure theres people who like. First Actually played terraria on one of these back in the day (i know my family still was using primarily crt tvs back in 2013 when it was released on consoles, but i never played it on one cuz i only had a wii lol) but goddamn it made me so happy. It was so much less painful than i expected too it worked just how i hoped it would

More pics (screenshots from a video i took of the screen actually but)

[cloudeling]

also somewhat unrelated but ive been thinking abt like. me complaining abt irl stuff here vs stuff thats happened irl where x and y ppl will have a fight and then x will go on tiktok and post stuff thats very misleading & garner a whole bunch of sympathy and then theres this whole group of ppl that hate y and rlly its kinda weird how common this is with my friendgroup actually. but the point is my main thing when i hear abt that is always that x is being rlly fucking immature. so ive been thinking abt like. the difference between posting that stuff on tiktok where a whole shitton of ppl you know irl can see it vs me posting it on tumblr where absolutely nobody i know irl knows its me. and like theres also a point abt the fact that they r lying and twisting things to make them seem more sympathetic or whtever but i also think like. the internet is kinda nice for complaining abt stuff without worrying that ppl you know irl will see it. also this has nothing to do with anything but i have to be so fucking careful to not abbreviate in real life when im speajing out loud ahfjdjd. also its a lot harder for you guys to confirm im not lying which is. idk . definitely adds another layer to this whole. debate im having w myself

[blurays]

.

i want to die im so angry theres no point anymore as in theres Really no point what is the point when theres something inside of you that will always keep you miserable i could be famous and rich and successful and loved and have everything i ever dreamed of and i would still feel fucking mangled and stupid i am so tired of feeling like a fcking moron because my fucking brain doesnt Work Right and im supposed to be like Happy that its temporarily not killing me right like i used to be like Okay it could be good one day if some stuff was fixed i could be happy but it will literally always be like this for me i mean the best case scenario is that i get happy and then die lol but thats literally not even worth thinking about because i will always be permanently messed up bc of this i guess no one really bothered to think about if i Wanted to be alive after all this shit lol . even now ppl have the nerve to Ask if i have thoughts of suicide like IDK lets put u thru a lot of ptsd inducing procedures that leave you scarred and stupid but actually dont even assure you wont die before ur 30 thatll still happen now lets see if u have thougjts of suicide. i dont have to kill myself my body is doing that for me but i am wondering why i bother when literally all i experience is suffering i dont remember the last time i was happy lol and my problems are in fact unfixable they sent some genetic test to see what drugs will work on me and i asked for like whatever therapy they can come up with but idk how anyone or anything is going to convince me that its worth it to live as like a shell of a person whos in constant pain nd misery nd like ?? so i can achieve what.. im not gonna have a gf or friends or a job or any of that like why am i fucking doing this anymore im just on autopilot taking all the meds and shots and whtever but i want to just be like i dont care anymore just let it kill me you already did

after two years everyone tunes you out but i am about 100x more miserable than i was at the start of this things have only gotten worse the only difference is even my oncologist doesnt care im suffering anymore

[gayspock]

dont rb... omg

having one of those sad little lonely moments <3 the wah wah wah im unlovable moments </3 idk babes im just miserable again.. idk i wish i could talk 2 ppl irl without just fucking burning up but ive been so alone for fuckn years at this point and its just constantly getting worse and worse ... and everything is worse and i wish i had ppl to turn to just for once but i just.. i dont know whts wrong with me soemtimes, or wht was wrong with me in the first place. idk why whtever i do everything just falls to utter fuckin shite but im so tired babe.... i think i should drop out altogether bc im a fuck up and this is going nowhere. but i have nowhere to go. i dont have family i dont have friends and i cant even function and its so exhausting every day and why would i even want to. im just tired and sad and i cant get out and im so so exhausted at trying because it just never matters like. its never enough u kno and ... and babe... you know <3 im not going 2 go on one of my big old sily boy sundays but hell man i jsut. i dont kow i feel like theres nowhere, nothing and no one sometimes and i just wish i. h and . i dont know lately ive been good with intrusive thoughts & i can just fuckn take it out in more minor ways tht dont cause any visible lasting damage but ive been Experiencing a Moment wrt THAT again alos rn which class act.

[5h4rk1zzl3]

mmmm im tryna avoid binging rn and am bored and we know how tht leads to it soooooo im gonna do all 30 days in one post :)

day 1- idk the exact tbh. dont have a weigh scale at my house bc everyone else is naturally skinny but me, im gonna try and buy one soon tho.

day 2- around 5'4 ehhh im not terribly mad about it but i definitely would prefer to be taller.

day 3- a pic of my thinspiration and why:

i really like how their shoulders are boney & the skinny limbs & the slight abs omg & the collar bones AHHHH

day 4- tbhhh i have quite a few fears:

-i wont look how i wanna look at my ugw

-stretch marks wont fade enough & will still be just as bad when im skinny

-saggy skin :/ im loosing around 60 lbs so i think that might happen idk tho

-people wont even realize i lost weight??? idk i feel like ppl arent even gonna realize for some reason bc i only wear all baggy clothes anyways idk makes no sense cos u can still tell but whtever

-ppl will still view me as the fat sister.... uh idk i just always have been it and i feel like ill still be viewed as it even when im skinny

-ill gain it all back ¿¿ kinda cliche but it already happened to me and i dont wanna let it happen it time.

day 5- yeah im doing it for myself mostly but theres alotta reasons like the main one being i used to be skinny and was so much happier and more comfortable then... but theres alotta smaller reasons like maybe get more (good) attention, get praise from ppl, can wear better clothes, idk not feel so insecure

day 6- yeahhhhhhhhh uhhh i think mostly it happens when i get mad and then i cant help myself :| i gotta work on that but ive been pretty good with it for the past 2 months actually i have binged a fee times but each time i worked out enough to kinda even it out i feel like (if tht even makes sense)

day 7- yeah but they think im doing it healthily because i lie abt my cals

day 8-mostly running on a treadmill

day 9- uhmmm no not rlly besides my parents... actually yeah maybe some of my exes friends :|

day 10- time tbh... the amount of time i spend working out is insane im so behind on all my fkn school work

day 11- idk i dont rlly keep track of blogs i kinda use pinterest for thinspo mostly

day 12-alot of string beans, strawberries & tht 45 calorie toast

day 13- its been pretty healthy because i wanted to avoid going down a spiral again. (eating 1500 working out for 1.5 hours) but im seeing no results and i been doing this for 2 months and now i feel myself starting to slip. ive been eating under 500 for the past week and starting to work out for 2-4 hours a day

day 14- 95, idk i was supposed to reach it by the end of july but now i think it may take alot longer :/

day 15- no

day 16- 2 months ago i used to be pretty skinny march of 2020 and then covid happened and i gained like 40 lbs in a year and now i wanna get back down

day 17- idk?????? sometimes i think i do but no im not diagnosed, like last year i used adderall to loose weight and idk if that counts as one but i wish i could do tht again but cant get my hands on any

day 18- bagels omg. so high in cals. so yummy. like i cant afford it bc ONE is 290 cals and then i always put butter so another 80 (relatively low cal butter)

day 19- its actually been a while so i had to check the door dash app lol. but may 1st i ordered popeyes :,) mostly for my family

day 20- none. i dont diet i just count calories

day 21- idk?????? i wear xlarge hoodies & sweats everyday

day 22-i think around 120, covid and a mix of my bf breaking up wm caused me to be super depressed and i gained sm up to 170

day 23- yeah i wanna look like all the perfect ppl i see

day 24- i dont like it like idk why ppl would be pro why would u wish it upon anyone.

day 25- yeahhhhhhhhh i did before but i learned now not to because it honestly doesnt get rid of all the calories & leaves u hungrier but i did a year ago

day 26- TBHHHHH having sex again LMAOO i havent since i got fat bc im too insecure

day 27- not well :|

day 28- YES. my mom & sister both have it and i want it SO BAD. i didnt even have it a year ago when i was at my lowest weight which is so annoying

day 29- sebastian stan😍😍😍😍😍LMAOOOOOO

day 30- 10 facts ab me

1- im scared of driving a car LMAOO

2- total insomniac

3- can run a 5 min mile (at 0 incline tho)

4- read ALOT

5- obsessed w marvel

6- in love w sebastian stan :,)

7- love jetskiing

8- gonna move to nyc in a year

9- love coffeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

10- currently am failing 4/6 of my classes

[shibuyaghostnight-moved]

extensive thoughts on ramu sorry ik i talk abt him a lot hehe

um so i finished the dont play no game i cant win track today, and i have more tracks to finish still and i know the fp one is very heavy around ramu,, so ill prolly make another essay abt him once i listen to that but for now i just wanna give my thoughts on him so far

ik a lot of ppl like to see ramu’s personality as a facade, esp when he has those clips of his voice dropping and ..like...i acnt explain it but 

that stuff when he gets all serious. yea

i dont rlly see his personality as something fake though, maybe it was initially when he first deployed or whtever, but i think hes grown well into it for it to actually be a part of who he is. 

i think the farther he strays from the party of words the more himself he is. while thats probably why theyre claiming he is unstable and is trying to disable him once and for all, ramuda is genuinely reaching out to his friends and making connections, hes being more of a person and thats why hes being targeted more. 

i think it goes esp with fling posse. more specifically gentaro. obviously ramuda hates gentaro when he tries to pry into his business, same w jakurai, but gentaro is different as he actually tries to reach out for ramuda while jakurai simply just despises ramuda for being offputting. gentaro realizes ramuda is kinda fucke dup and recognizes it, and he understands ramuda can’t be in depth about it, he desnt kno why or how but nevertheless he wants to help ramuda. 

i think ramu having that kind of support in his friends and that place of security is whats helping him become more of a person and growing into the facade that was the cutesy lollipop guy thats ramuda amemura. 

it shows a lot at the end of the first battle, where ramuda was convinced he was going to die and didnt want to put a burden on gentaro n dice. he simply bought them dinner and told them that fp means a lot to him and they did really well even though they didnt win, just made it known that he loves them. he left the place with mindset that it would be the last time he would see them and yet he still loved them, and afterwards was pretty much told his existence was ultimately worthless.

gentaro n dice have their own struggles and their own stories to write, theres a lot each of them on their own faces. but ramuda is the most stubborn, he doesnt tell the others about himself and doesnt let them get too close to him, and despite that, fp still reaches out to him and tries to give him the comfort that he refuses. and having that kind of connection is why i believe ramuda is .. not really a facade at this point.

theres probably more to this and ill make a new post or whtever once i finish the last tracks, but that track took a lot out of me and i literally cant stop thinking abt it. i have more to say on the others not just fp, but ramu is. very special.

[dazaiapologism]

the only way i could see gravity affecting his height is like. u know when astronauts are in space a long time and they get slightly taller bc theres more space in their joints or whtever bc low gravity? but he’d have to be constantly experiencing higher amounts of gravity? also like sure you can increase the amount of space in there, but you cant decrease it (at least past a certain point?). cant have overlapping bones. basically at most i could only see it affecting maybe an inch of height

conclusion: chuuya short king

I CONCUR WITH YOUR FINDINGS SHORT FUCKING KING

[pikkette]

So i had an... Interesting dream.

I was apparently moving into a house acrosd the street from another house i used to live in ( which did not have any good memories really) annd when i get in there, its this massive group of DnD players.

And the Critical Role gang is there. They all live there. And the inside of the house looks like... A mash up of a tavern and a rreeeeeeaaallly fancy theater?

So they take me down to the basement where it proceeds to be more theater than tavern.

Theres a long half-wall looking thing where all of their character figures are sitting... And a giant screen.

And when we start to play, you can see our characters acting the whole session out.. Which was friggin awesome. Also it was Dragon Age themed? I remember seeing Alistair and Liliana at some point.

Im very confused about this but also can i have more dreams like this instead of stress-induced zombies or whtever natural disaster my brain decides to pit me against that week? Thatd be great, thx.

[soggiersocks]

My friend and i were like "oh lets try yubo or whtever" so i made an account and like was chatting w some queer individuals in a live stream and eventually one of them checked my bio and was like "tOBi DO YOU BELIEVE THERE ARE MORE THAN TWO GENDERS"

and when i said yes the literal only transgender guy in the group got angry and upset like "i kNEW IT, THERES ONLY 2 GENDERS AND YO-" and i fuckin left so gd fast 💀

Anyways, thats enough of that.

[gayspock]

dont rb, dont rply

back to just feeling beyond dejected & depressed and yearning to be fucking dead in a hole. regretting being alive kind of hours. 

like sometimes i rlly do just sit there and Contemplate all the times i did not kill myself- for whatever reasons, tht may have been- and sit and think abt how fucking much i TRULY do loathe that past and present bitch for failing YET AGAIN.  like do you ever sit there and regard all the years youve bothered to be alive & just . again resent each and every fucking breath you took......  because it was all just......like it just makes u MAD . bc u gotta be mad bc u cant cope with bein upset with it right now or you’ll fucking collapse again . so angry it is i fucking guess.

like i dont know i think abt all the little things. fabricated nonsense tht used to give me some sort of hope &  how empty and void they all always turned out to be  how its all always just been so shallow and superficial and theres never been any real purpose behind any of it. theres never BEEN a reason to be alive and theres never been that inherent worth tht ppl keep promising you’ll find and time after time you just get further and further and its more years and more years of being miserable, of hurting, of just repeatedly proving to yourself that you’re incapable. that youre a failure. and that every single thing youve ever hated abt yourself, everything youve been afraid of, every nasty thing everyones ever said - all of it , all of it just becomes more and more STRIKINGLY apparent as the years go by...... and u used to convince urself tht u didnt deserve it, but the truthis thtat was just a hollow lie u told urself . bc u KNO u deserve evertyhing u get & ur not worth anything more than that & that in of itself is not some big tragic fucking. whatever u wanna make it its just a matter of fact “you really arent anything. you should probably die. its the best thing you’ll ever manage. and ultimately youre just very pathetic” full stop kinda thing &  you hate yourself more for fucking staying but you’re still so desperate  . for something to yield when you know it wont and like isaid it justl. worse and worse and worse and w

... & its like again i rlly fucking wish i didnt . poisomn myself with Stupid little promises like that & made myself cling onto the idea tht this, that or the other because its just. somuch fucking harder now in every regard  and god BLESS... god BLESS yknow.  god bless it all or whtever..... fuckin. im tired man im really tired and i just. i dont know. part of me still wishes to just escape somehow- find something - but i know how implausible it is bc. its just everything and its just so pervasive how. everything is just a reflection of it and it all jsut. reduces down to me having a fucking breakdown AGAIN regardless of what it is im doingg and i just. h. h.  & its funny sometimes i just. sit here and just. act a clown by wondering wht it must be like to have some sort of.... anything... do u kno wht i mean. whts it like for everything to not feel fucking empty whts it like to feel like urnot alone or to feel like ur capable ..... to not . just fucking turn around and just feel miserable by literally EVERYTHING bc its all just. your fucking cock ups everywhere............ do u kno wht i mean...... i rlly . do just wish rlly hard tht . it could feel right . tht i could do or make or be something tht didnt make me fucking hate myself even more but it just. i cant find anything even when i try rlly fucking hard and im so ..... i dont know whts wrong withme & why im so stupid & why i have to be so bad at everything and its. all so childish i know it is but you know when ur just. i dont know. feels like im so far behind and far away from everyone else and i just. wish i was something other than a failure  or alone... like iw ould like to be defined in a way - in an honest way - that isnt negative or a lack of anyhting ........... i wish to feel  A Something . hm