#theres more but i fucking. just forgot im gonna take out my brain and throw it into a fucking centrifuge

[bonetrousledbones]

good lord i never realized how bad my adhd is until my meds stopped working

[sea-jello]

CRADLE IM SO SORRY I COPY PASTED THE FIRST SCREENSHOT INTO THE DRAFTS AND FORGOT ABOUT IT

tbh when i made the og post i wasnt thinking about like,, morro being ray and mayas kid. just something something distantly related because of wojira and not actually BLOOD related BUT you have interested me

okay it got a lot longer than i thought it would

SO

i reeally like the idea of morro being nyas twin actually. wojira duo my beloved

man but older sibling morro >>

mmmmm do we want to stick with canon or have morro stay at the blacksmith and train w the ninja?? cause if he trains with the ninja it can go exactly like my morro betrays the ninja au 💀💀 ive got EVERYTHING planned out there (hahhahhah self promo go check it out guys ple as e)

rundown is morro goes trains yada yada but wu ofc sees hes a lot more powerful than he should be for his age OH MAYBE HES THE ONLY ONE WHO DEVELOPED AN ELEMENT AT THAT TIME cause in the pilots none of them had powers yet right?? and hes the only one who could control an element SO WU THINKS HES THE GREEN NINJA JUST LIKE CANON

OKAY so in my morro betrays the ninja au, basically is everything up to the moment they get all the golden weapons is the same (i havent actually finished the pilots and i never managed to kickstart my brain into watching it so,, take it with a grain of salt) except he trains with the ninja and there is no competition or secrecy with the prophecy, cause everyone expects morro to be the green ninja. when they do get all the golden weapons they all gather around for the Big Green Ninja Reveal and,, its not morro. of course hes devestated but we have a chance for some nice family moments TM. and then everything up to lloyd being the green ninja is the same so we CAN have green cousins bonding and then later green cousins angst 😌😌 and then maybe if were keeping with canon then he does leave to prove himself and then fucking dies

but if we want to stick with canon then i do like your idea of a really young morro showing up at the monastary like canon and then leaving before the ninja show up. mmm but how would that work does he run away?? get taken?? maybe they got sent to an orphanage or something and morro somehow left or got taken. and then i guess kai got old enough to leave the orphanage and took nya with him back to the blacksmith.

with morro everything goes like in the show with the wind and the prophecy ,, oh but the golden weapons are already hidden by then arent they?? theres no way for him to prove he wasnt the green ninja

so the only possible course is he trains with the ninja and finds out with them. but now theres the option of morro either being raised by kai if he stays at the blacksmith or wu if he shows up at the monastery. and i DO like your idea again of them not remembering each other as siblings if were going with him staying with wu. i dunno how they would find out yet so thats pending

if he does stay with wu then he COULD have known about lloyd at a young age. i think nyas about 14/15 in the pilots and lloyd about 11 or 12 in s1 soo it could work if morro is nyas twin. yeah okay so morro met lloyd when he was born maybe and im assuming lloyd got shipped off the darkleys at a pretty young age so he does only remember morro through photos. cause if we go the "morro finds out he isnt the green ninja with everyone when they collect the weapons" route then morro would have left before the ninja met lloyd in s1

hmm how would he react to lloyd being the green ninja he probably would show up at the bounty tbh. i dont know if hes gonna throw hands with the middle schooler but yk we'll think about it more

im not gonna lie to you i dont think misako would ever see fit to leave lloyd with wu under any circumstances 💀💀 cause she said she knew he would be the green ninja and sticking him in an evil school is a pretty surefire way of not completing the prophecy (FUCK as i was typing that out i realized that could have been another reason she left him there. im gonna edit my misako rant from weeks ago)

if we stick with canon again then he does go off and die and s5 continues as normal (but with more feelings heaehehheaheheghe) but if we want good morro then he could show up from time to time like that one kid in the pokemon games who doesnt stop bugging you to fight them (ive never played any pokemon game a day in my life so youre gonna have to trust me on this) but hes like 20 times more deadly cause hmhm perfectionist trained to be the green ninja and then AGAIN I LIKE YOUR IDEA of them teaming up in s5 and accepting the whole green ninja thing and WU REASSURING HIM thats literally all i want from the show. MAYYBEE this is his full potential arc

if he does sacrifice himself at the end of s5 then ig he comes back in dotd with cole. if he doesnt then we get the typical morro redemption arc but slightly to the left cause they KNEW him and they were FRIENDS but they tried to KILL EACH OTHER at some point in time so yeah thats kinda awkward

we can get a whole bonding thing with the team and siblings 🥰🥰 them falling back into old habits from before he left and kai and nya and morro subconsciously doing little things from their childhood before morro left, like humming a certain song and knowing which part is morros and which is nyas, or having to sit on kais left at the dinner table. maybe morro makes a face and nya just knows the judgmental "what the fuck" is shooting through his head. could get some green cousins in too,, morro knows what specific thing lloyd liked and lloyds like "that was 14 years ago how the FUCK do you now that" lloyd could like instinctively slap morro on the back of the head when he wants to get his attention cause he used to slap his arm before he could reach shoulder punching height, so he got used to reaching as high as he could to hit, and unfortunately that means morros head. ABSOLUTELY he and nya are menaces i do not take criticism

seabound boutta be a whole nother level of pian

Hi

Idk what else to put here I just wanted to say hi

Maybe tell me about one of your aus or something idk I'm bored

hi cradle :O

MMMM aus i dont really have anything to say about them without spoiling tbh. i can say that both morro betrays the ninja and morro joins the band have a sad (ish) ending lmaoo. ive got the next parts of both in the drafts, and ideas for movie morro

what else do i have

the morro long lost smith sibling one?? i dunno if that really counts as one?? since ive got literally nothing for it it was just a fleeting thought. i mean if anyone wants to steal the idea go for it

[andromedasummer]

okay im gonna share my thoughts on lockwood and co now im relistening/rereading as an adult okay (never read the last book tho)

Im on book 2 and i have got to say

1. i understand why supervisors are needed holy shit 14 yr old me like"adults get in the way >:(((" fuck no these kids are 8-17 going up against violent and malevolent things that can kill with a single touch and your brains are NOT developed enough to be able to fully competently cope with that stuff holy shit

2. holy shit i forgot lockwood and lucy and george just all live together without anyone else. literally a house full of teenagers and they just stay up throughout the night after ghost hunts and eat junk food and ruin their sleep schedules and risk their lives. its giving me anxiety.

3. i think right now lucy and george have more chemistry than lockwood and lucy. i am not joking. theyre more open with each other and freer to speak their minds. but also the amount they fight makes them completely incompatible at the same time.

4. i love lucy but her "not like other girls" phase in the first few books actively causes me psychic damage. every single woman or girl introduced she immediately tears down or belittles and its clearly from self-doubt and self-esteem issues. its written completely accurately and is resolved later on as i remember thank GOD.

5. (Related) i dont think i'll be able to cope with holly arriving in the next book. even at like 14/15 i KNEW she was doing and had done nothing wrong and lucy was taking out her insecurities on her and honest to god its gonna be more uncomfortable now that im more familiar with racial politics and issues considering she the first canonical black character in the series and lucy is white. literally trying to do her job and exist.

6. ned shaw could literally not die quicker i want to throw hands with this 15(?) yr old and im literally less than a few chapters and another book away from him never showing up again. i cant remember if he becomes likeable but theres so little time left. i guess the shame in his death is he lost the chance to become a less shitty person.

7. god i still love kipps though. tied favourite character with george theyre both so shitty and snarky. honestly take away lucy's issues with All Other Females On Planet and she'd be up there too shes very fun at times.

8. seriously tho kipps is fantastic. wears expensive cologne and bedazzles his rapier. acts snarky and cold and aloof to seem cool and refined but hes a total fucking loser in the realest sense. washed up talent, insecurities about his position and purpose in the world. classic 20s issues i see you king. i assign you bisexual. highest regard i give to only my most favourite of characters god bles.

9. i forgot how funny the skull is

[lunar-lair]

Ooo I’m always a sucker for soul eater au’s, even if they aren’t that common. tell us more abt Ingo’s no good v bad day?

VERRRRY EVIL LAUGHTER OHOHO..YOU WISH TO HEAR OF IT?! then i will gladly inform you omg <3 glad youre enjoying this madness lmao (throws formal writing at the floor and it shatters. this ones go crazy go stupid super-specific stuff im going feral. also its 3 am and i do what i want)

technically its. ingos no good very bad day(s) bc it happens TWICE bc ingo is Silly and has Trauma from Bullies!!!!

tldr: elesa scrapes emmet against ingo The Wrong Way, ingo gets Fucked Up, he doesnt tell her, she does it AGAIN before he heals properly, emmet says FUCK this and tells her, she cries a lot abt it, ingo feels bad but is glad it wont be happening again, and then later on ingo n emmet teach elesa how to do it The Right Way

too long read it anyways: beneath this read more!! This Is Gonna Get Long (by the way, warning up ahead! ingos side literally gets Shredded so a minor gore warning? its described vaguely but theres some creepy skin stuff)

later ill be copy pasting a Written Out section from my doc that i couldnt do justice to again but for now ill pull from my brain instead

the beginning of all of this happens when the trio are surrounded by madmen that are too powerful for them to subdue. theyre out of options, and emmet and ingo start thinkin'

back when they lived in aniville (did i mention they still come from aniville? and still like trains? anyways ive mentioned it now), they were often accosted by bullies. they were twins who were Autistic, in a Tiny Town, and then inevitably, known to be weapons as well. this brought them a Lot of negative attention (a lot of which ingo tried to keep emmet safe from). when they were surrounded, theyd scrape a rock against the other (or emmet against a rock more like, in his case) and like. yknow OW thats an AWFUL fucking sound Goodbye

at the time, they thought it would be simple for elesa to figure out. that she could scrape the two of them together, and do it right, and not hurt them.

they were 14, and they forgot elesa didnt know emmets blade like it was her own, or ingos blade like it was her own.

(she didnt even have a blade.)

so they tell her about it, and tell her to scrape emmet against ingo.

but shes panicking, and the easiest way to scrape emmet against ingo is back to side.

emmets back is sharp.

the noise is very, very loud. loud enough for them to escape. louder than it should be, emmet thinks.

his back hurts.

when he tries to reach out to ingos soul, he gets nothing.

nothing but a hiss of pain.

oh.

when emmet transforms but simply asks for ingo, and emmet says ingos simply tired when elesa asks, she doesnt think much of it. (only 14, new to this, doesnt know that staying in weapon form takes more energy than getting out of it.)

when ingo doesnt show for a while, and emmet says ingos just tired, elesa tries not to think much of it.

emmet is seething.

on the way home, he told ingo to tell her.

he hadnt transformed back. emmet couldnt carry him otherwise.

ingo refused. refused despite the roughness of his blade, refused despite the chips taken out of his metal.

two days later, when ingo had finally woken up again, emmet pleaded with him, asked him why he didnt want to tell her.

because she might get rid of us, he said simply. and his voice was quiet, and it wasnt right. because it saved us. because it was necessary.

over and over. every excuse.

he didnt want to give her any reason to throw them away.

they were already twin weapons, already a bit too mad.

he had taken the brunt of all the bullying, over the years, for emmets sake, but it had taken its toll.

he believed in emmets worth, wholeheartedly. he believed they were strong together.

he thought, just a little, that he was the weak link.

months later, once ingo had almost healed, once elesa had forgotten about the moment entirely, they were sent with drayden as their leader along with some other teams their age to group-tackle a mission to subdue a good lot of madmen, as a learning experience.

they got separated from their group. elesa grew desperate.

she stood behind her cover, and straightened up, and held ingo a little flatter.

emmet shouted, tried to stop her-

she scraped emmet against ingo, and the sound resonated back in her soul.

is that pain?

ingo cried out, and emmet shouted, and elesa was silently terrified as she ran.

what did she just do?

and now. presenting,,the section ive copy-pasted from my doc bc im not rewriting this its already decent

(uhhh. ok including some stuff mentioned above bc its good writingtm and if im copy pasting you all should see it. and maybe doctored to be better idk well see this post is hella more freeform than the others)

of course, elesa did not mean to hurt them.

of course, she still made the mistake of scraping them incorrectly.

of course, ingo is afraid to make her feel bad for it.

and of course, emmet does not give a single shit. (well, he gives enough to not mention it the first time, because ingo is hurt, and hes a little too worried to be angry at anyone.)

(besides, having your back scraped against anything doesnt feel the best either…especially when it means your blade is being dulled.)

what this all results in is emmets back being sore,

and ingos side being ripped to shreds.

it turns out raw, like a layer of skin or two has been ripped away, and a few spots where there are full chunks taken out of his side.

this reflects in a rougher surface on his blade, and few shreds of metal being torn out.

the roughness heals with time, as does the rawness on his side.

the chunks heal with time, as well, though scars are left behind.

the chunks taken out of the blade never go away. (because ingo never forgets. because ingo is admittedly terrified of the thought. because ingo hates that his brother hurt him, that elesa hurt him, that he couldnt tell her at first for fear of being blown off, or hated.

because the scars stay.)

so in the end, they dont mention it.

and in the end, a good 4 months later, once ingos wounds have healed (for the most part) and theyre in a similar situation, elesa goes to do the same thing.

emmet tries to stop her. ingo grits his teeth.

ingo cries out in pain, this time, and emmet cries out in turn, and elesa is alarmed, but still moves to get out of the area before enemies they cant handle find out they can handle them.

the moment theyve made their way to a far away forest, where the madmen (who barely have a mind of their own) surely cant find them, emmet is transforming back, and carefully snatching ingo out of her hands.

he carefully avoids the blade, instead working at her fingers to make her drop it so he can hold the hilt instead.

she stares blankly as emmet holds ingo close to himself, baring the edge elesa scraped emmet against. after a moment, his gaze turns a little darker, and he hides ingo beneath his coat.

Elesa opens and closes her mouth a few times. She's hurt him, she doesn't know how, but…"Is…is Ingo al-"

"No!" Emmet interrupts, voice louder than she'd ever heard it, frown baring teeth and gaze hard as stone. His voice was still monotone, but only almost. Anger leaked in, somehow, in a way she'd never heard.

She steps back, just a little.

"I…did I do something…?" She asks, voice weak, faltering under Emmet's stony gaze.

Emmet stares back, and she hears, faintly, Ingo pleading for Emmet not to yell at her, that she didn't mean to.

"You should not even be talking," he says quietly, and Ingo stops.

"...Emmet?" Elesa says again.

He takes a shaky breath in, and looks her in the eyes.

"What do you think happens when you scrape the sharp part of a blade against the blunt part of another?"

Her eyes widen.

Ingo…he'd screamed, earlier, hadn't he? And Emmet had yelled, too-

"I…" There's nothing she can really say. She reaches forward, just a little, and takes her hand back when Emmet steps backwards in response. "I…I'm so sorry…" She finally said, voice soft, eyes filled with tears. "I had no idea…"

Emmet paused.

Elesa finally started crying, drawing back, looking away.

She hated to cry in front of others. She'd told them that much, by now.

And much, much more.

She could be trusted, he thought.

Ingo muttered the same, still hurting, but conscious nonetheless.

"Can I…" Elesa started, pausing to sniffle. "Can I at least see what I've done?"

Emmet carefully pulled Ingo out from beneath his coat, holding out Ingo's injured side.

She sobbed.

Chunks of metal, taken out. A rougher surface, visible even to the untrained eye.

"Did this happen…"

Emmet nodded, frown softer now, but still a little angry. "Ingo forced me not to tell you." He paused. "I…I am not truly mad."

And she turned up to him, and blinked.

"It is not truly your fault. You did not know. I…I am mad you did not notice him hurting. And I am mad Ingo did not let me tell you." He pulled Ingo closer to him again. "Just please, do not do it again."

She nodded, over and over, falling to the ground.

Emmet kneeled to the ground with her.

Ingo muttered that he would be alright between them, voice quiet.

After a long while, Elesa crying and apologizing, Ingo asking her not to, Emmet simply sitting there, she looked up at Emmet.

"Are you alright?"

He smiled, but it was small. "My back is a little sore. Ingo is hurt far more."

She looked down to where Ingo had been set on the grass, injured edge face up. "Why is he still…?"

"He would be much harder to carry," Emmet said simply. "And he cannot walk. We learned that the hard way last time."

She turned away, and said quietly, "I can't believe I did that to you two twice. Without even noticing."

'It is alright,' Ingo spoke, quieter than he ever had been or ever would be. 'I am the one who chose not to tell you.'

"...can I hold him?" Elesa asked, knowing Emmet would care far more than Ingo would.

Emmet nodded, and Elesa carefully held him by the hilt, a hand supporting his uninjured side.

"I am so sorry," she said softly, yet again.

'You have promised not to do it again,' Ingo said softly, reaching out to her soul just a little, 'and that is enough for me.'

She laughed, a little broken. "I doubt it's enough for Emmet."

She looked up to him.

He looked away.

"I…I am still very angry."

"I used you to hurt him," she said simply. "I would be, too."

And he looked back.

"But you did not mean to. And Ingo kept it from you. And he is alright."

He set a hand on Elesa's, the one holding Ingo's hilt.

"I am still very angry," he said again, and his voice was still monotone, and his eyebrows were still furrowed, but his eyes were soft, and his frown was more worried than anything else. "But not expressly at you. You are forgiven. As long as you do not do it again."

She nodded, and kept nodding, and laughed, relieved. "Ok. Ok."

Soon enough, the team they'd been separated from (and who had heard the noise, scraping and loud but wrong, the weapons of them hearing the scream from another soul like theirs) found them, and soon enough, Elesa was forced forward to explain, having already given Ingo to Emmet to keep safe.

Emmet walked forward, showing the damage, as well as the remains of the last time showing through.

Their honorary uncle, teacher of the school, and demanded leader of the mission (he wasn't letting his boys go out there on their own if there were others going, too), Drayden, gave a gasp. "Are the wounds from that time also…?"

Elesa nodded, head tilted down, eyes hidden behind her hat.

Her hiccups were still audible.

"Elesa did not know," Emmet defended.

They all turned to him, including Elesa.

"I wanted to tell her, of course. But Ingo thought she'd think us weak."

'It saved us,' Ingo added, voice weak. 'If it was necessary…'

"You would do anything if it was necessary," Emmet snapped.

Ingo quieted.

"...sorry," Emmet muttered.

'I know.'

"I didn't know," Elesa said. "But I should've noticed he was hurt regardless."

Emmet and Drayden gave a laugh.

When she turned, the latter gave another chuckle. "That boy could hide a broken arm if he wanted to."

Her eyes widened when Emmet laughed again.

"He has."

Drayden spluttered a little at that one; everyone got a good laugh, at the least.

"She has promised not to do it again," Emmet added. "It is water under the bridge."

She gave a weak laugh. "Then why'd you make me explain?"

"Because you did it," Emmet said, smile a little cold, eyes closed. "And I am still a little angry at you and Ingo."

After a moment, Drayden held a hand out. "May I hold him?"

Emmet relinquished Ingo easily to the man.

Drayden held him just as carefully, one hand on the hilt and one under the unharmed side.

The other kids (this was supposed to be rather easy, but they all ended up retreating and leaving it to stronger teams) started whispering around them.

One said something like 'what a weak weapon'.

Elesa and Emmet turned to stare coldly.

Drayden frowned, disappointed.

She shied away.

Another muttered 'won't staying like that hurt him?' and Emmet flinched.

Drayden gave a sigh. "Ana has a point." A weapon himself, one who wielded himself without a meister, knew this well.

Emmet's hand flew to his mouth. "I…it's so easy for us these days, I almost forgot…"

Elesa turned to Drayden. "Is staying in his weapon form hurting him?"

Drayden hummed, worried and deep in his chest. "It's expending a lot of energy and focus…and probably isn't the best for his wound."

'...it will bleed if I transform…' Ingo said. His voice was shaky.

Emmet made a pained noise in the back of his throat.

"I'll be here to carry you," Drayden said, voice gentle, but sure.

After a long moment, Ingo transformed.

And once the light faded, he laid in Drayden's arms, already unconscious.

Emmet walked forward, and picked up Ingo's hand, dangling over the side of Drayden's hold. "He wasn't allowing himself to pass out so he wouldn't transform."

Drayden nodded.

Everyone went quiet. Elesa walked forward and put a reassuring hand on Emmet's shoulder.

Drayden finally turned, Emmet and Elesa turning with him. "We should get back to the school. He can be treated there."

Emmet never let go of Ingo's hand, and Elesa never let go of Emmet's shoulder.

Drayden made sure his hold was firm, that he carefully avoided touching Ingo's right side (luckily the one that was facing away from Drayden, since he was holding Ingo's uninjured side in the first place).

The school nurse was able to learn what had happened this time, Elesa accompanying Emmet and Ingo as well.

She got a bit of a chewing out-'be careful with the blades of your weapons, even when it comes to each other'-but it was more about being careful than being truly bad to her weapons.

Emmet kept insisting she didn't know.

Drayden affirmed it, having come with.

The nurse dropped it rather quickly, but still made sure Elesa knew to be careful.

Once she was gone, and it was just Drayden, Elesa, and Emmet, Elesa stared, with hollow eyes, at Ingo's unconscious form.

And she asked again, "How didn't I notice?"

Emmet gave a quiet laugh. "We are verrrry good at lying when we need to."

Ingo hadn't woken up by the time they left. (Emmet stayed, the nurse having given up trying to drive either of them away at this rate.)

After a 30 minute wait the next day, though, Ingo opened his eyes.

Elesa apologized, over and over and over, and Ingo simply smiled, tiny but real.

"It's not your fault," he said, again and again. "I kept it from you. You are an excellent meister. I could never blame you."

Years later, after a few too many run ins with situations where it would save them a lot of trouble, and with the knowledge that it could be done right, Ingo convinced Emmet to have them teach Elesa how to do it right.

Luckily, Drayden had gifted them replicas of their weapon form for their most recent birthday, on the grounds of 'never forgetting who they were'.

(The chips in Ingo's sword were built in, perfect replicas that they were.

He laughed when he first saw it.

They were like prizes now, reminders of Elesa's care for them, reminders that he still had his own mind, even as a weapon.

He had always taken the brunt of bullying for Emmet.

He had always wondered about his worth just a little more.

After all of that, he could be just a little more sure of it, instead.)

They were a perfect way to show her how it was done.

Once they'd figured it out themselves, they booked an open Saturday for all three, and set out to Elesa's apartment to invite her to the training ground in DWMA.

Their first lesson: side against side.

This was the hardest.

Emmet's side is rather small, and unless you know his blade very very well, it's hard to remember where it is without looking for quite a while.

Inevitably, though, she could do that.

The second lesson, and pleaded for by Emmet: for the love of Arceus, lower your pressure.

Part of what made both incidents so damaging was the sheer pressure Elesa used when pressing down.

This was the easiest part to get down.

The third, and final, lesson: be sure, but not hasty. If you stutter, it doesn't make the right noise. If you're too fast, though, you risk damaging the blades in the process.

After a few weeks, Elesa training in her own time, she asked to try again.

When they paused in return, she promised to be gentle at first, promised she knew what she was doing now.

They agreed.

She did it gently, at first, for the first 50 rounds.

On the 51st, she did it the way she had been.

An awful noise rang through the clearing.

Both weapons cheered, Ingo giving a loud 'Bravo!!'

Neither had been harmed.

After some more training, and once they weren't afraid of it, Emmet and Ingo got talking, once they'd gotten home.

The next time the three trained together, they asked Elesa to try again, saying they wanted to try something.

She simply shrugged and held her hands out for them as they transformed.

When she scraped Emmet against Ingo, the awful noise echoed throughout the clearing in a way it hadn't before, bouncing roughly off of her soul.

They apologized for that, admitting they didn't mean for it to affect her, as well; she just shook her head, saying she was used to the sound by now, asking them how they'd done it.

They transformed back, explaining the process of bouncing the sound between each other and out into other souls in the area.

She was very impressed.

Drayden was cheering them on for it within the hour, having been called over to see by his excited nephews (and honorary niece).

you have made it to the realm of non copy pasted stuff! i added the part where they train her how to do it right instead of writing that part again bc its 3 am and it was already good

okok. more fun non copy-paste stuff (that i discarded and had to rewrite UGHHHHH)

once ingo has healed and been sent home, and once drayden has the time, he comes over to visit.

He asks Emmet to leave the two of them alone (just for a small while, he promises, when the boy hesitates-caring as ever, the both of them, same as they've always been), and sits down on the twins' couch, ignoring the creak when he sits down (but revelling in the snort Ingo makes as he does).

And, after a moment, he asks Ingo to look at him, turning as he does.

Grey eyes stare up into his, focusing intently.

"If your meister dismisses you when you tell them they have harmed you," he begins, slow and methodic, words to live by being spoken, words to respect, "they should not be your meister. And if your fellow weapon dismisses you when you tell them you are harmed, they should not be your fellow weapon."

Grey eyes stare up back at him, glassy.

He pauses for a long moment.

These are words to let sink in, words to remember.

They are a lesson he learned the hard way, words he should've lived by.

There is more than one reason he now wields himself, this among the many.

They are words he taught himself, words he teaches many, whenever he has the chance.

Ingo nods, firm and sure, after a moment.

He recognizes that, that they are words to live by.

He figures he won't need them, with people like Emmet and Elesa around.

But they will stay safe in his heart regardless.

n e ways. its 3:50 am PASKSKD and i had to rewrite it so srry if it looks fucky ^^' however that's it for our midnight-4 am soul eater au post bonanza!! gn everybody lmao

[your-localghost]

so um who wants to read a 50 page essay of me and my mom's journey through the IT movies?

too bad you're reading it

so like i saw this goddamm clown, and i, also being a clown, said to my mom, also a clown, "lets watch this clown movie lol" and she said yes. and in the like first five minutes we are already awwing and stuff because??? omg georgie and bill are so cu- oh. oh my god. oh this us not what we thought at all-

so enter Losers. instant RELATE i am also a LOSER hellO?? hAh look at these 2 idiots theyre bickering like an old couple an- oh my fucking GOD of course there are bullies. one of them looks like draco malfoy??? guYs did draco malfoy play in this movie we see him like 2 times-

oh my god oh no poor bill he is trying to find his brother :( but alsO BEV IS SO PRETTY??? IM SO GAY???? and yeah i really feel the New Kid On The Block like same man i didnt even get to meet a pretty girl and a buncho losers who will go jump into lakes with me

OH and the lake scene? it bites me in the ass later. i fucking passed it off as a "theyre bonding" moment and then it transforms into a feelings plane and crashes into my house

--

me: they just keep leaving their bikes

mom: well It takes kids, not bikes

--

fastforward and??? the fight secene?? the fuckijgn fi Ght SCE ne??? o H M Y GO D

bill was so desperate to find georgie?? richie was so scared he would die??? beN BEING SCARED HIS FRIENDS ARE GONE?

i AM ALL OF THESE FUCKERS

and oh?? bev's dad??? hate the vibe this dude gives to me. like this dude def did more than mentally abuse her and im so glad she beat him up

uhHHH??? WHY DOES NO ONE TALK ABOUT EDDIE STANDING UP TO HIS FREAKSHOW OF A MOM??? HOW HE WAS SO MAD????? HE THREW HIS PILLS ON THE GROUND HELLO, HE STRAIGHT UP YEETED HIS FANNY PACK??? MAN the things a gay goes through for his friends

bill's speech on georgie, like, dude just fucking stab me it will hurt way less

fastforward more, the oath??? how scared stan was??? like i ddint really feel any connection with stan other than his actor played my fav character, stan, in ianowt, but uHm? i still love him??? so mUCH???

oOOOH i just realied i didnt talk about mikey

ahem

THE ROCK FIGHT THE FUKING ROCK FIGHT THE ROCK FIGHT OH MY GOD

THESE LOSERS ARE SCARED SHITLESS OF THOSE SHITBAGS BUT THEY SEE ANOTHER LOSER AND THE FIRST THING THEY DO IS THROW R O C K LIKE FUCK YEAH YOU FUCNKY LITTLE MIDDLE SCHOOLERS STAND UP FOR YOUR FELLOW BULLIED I LOVE MIKEY SO M7CH OH MY GOD

__

so between the 2 movies we realized it wasnt on netflix and went on various websites to watch the 2nd movie, got progressively angrier until i got my laptop and just watched it blindly because we are both blind

--

okay heres the tea yall

they completely erased bev's character in the 2nd movie. in the first it was emphesized SO MUCH just how brave she was compared to the others. she took the first step, she wasnt afraid to go into the house she fought her abusive dad and in the 2nd movie it was all gone. i really liked the fact that bev wqsnt a damsel in distress until in the 2nd movie she was. while in the 1st movue you forgot that gender roles existed in the 2nd it really seemed like they wrote bev as a "woman" rather than "bev" you dig me??? okay rant over. basically fuck the 2nd movie bev and im not just saying this because her 1st movie actor made me realize i was a lesbian. on to the movie

oh mY GOD HOMOSEXUALS??? WILL THEY HAVE A PART IN THIS STORY OH MY IM SO EX- oh. right. oh hey theres mikey :D

___

me: who's this??

mom: its bill look, its his surname

me:

me: you remember bill's surname but not richie or ben's names?

---

oh theyre all grown up!! oh bevs fighting an abusive man again and uh

___

mom: i have a feeling stans gonna kill himself

me: hah can you imagi

---

STANLEY??? BABEY BOY OH NO???? and also are we gonna let the spider with the baby head thing pass?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY DONT REMEMBER ANYTHI-

"this is like a virus its been eating us for 27 years!" YEA MIKEY ITS CALLED PTSD YOU FOUGHT A FUCKING DEMON AND DIDNT SEE A THERAPIST????

also the whole tribe thing seemed really out of story and like it didnt belong there at all? idk maybe its just me but i dont wanna believe that bill's 3rd eye opened after he got drugged by his friend idk

so like hightlights because ive got many rants about the 2nd movie

what the fuck do you mean bev got out of jer specilized hell after ben recited 1 fucking poem are you kidding me are yOU FUCKING KIDDING ARE WE REALLY DOING THE SAVED BY LOVE BULLSHIT AGAIN OH OKAY

OH OKAY FUCK YOU

SO BEV GETS SAVED IN THE FIRST MOVIE AFTER BEN KISSES HER WHEN AT THE TIME HE PRIBABLY THOUGHT LOVE WAS AT ITS PEAK WHEN YOU GAVE YOUR 2ND GRADE CRUSH A BADLY WRITTEN POEM

AND UFKCING HELL IT HAPPENS IN THE 2ND MOVIE TOO??? DOES PENNYWISE JUST THINK "oh these bitches hetero bettet keep them alive" BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT? THIS WOULD ALL BE OKAY IF

IF

IF EDDIE LIVED TOO

FUCK I RELATE TO RICHIE SO MUCH??? HIS FIGHT WITH HIS PEERS AND HIS FIGHT WITH HIMSELF OVER HIS YEARS LASTING CRUSH ON EDDIE?? OH MY GOD IT WAS SO OBVIOUS THIS MOTHERFUCKER WAS GAY AND I DIDNT REALIZE UNTIL THE 2ND MOVIE WHEN HE HAS A BREAKDOWN BECAHSE HIS SOULMATE GETS STABBED BY HOMOPHOBIC FORTNITE DANCING CLOWN WHILR HE TRIES TO SAVE HIMA DN THEN FUCKIN G DIES EVEN THOUGHT THESE 2 IDIOTS HAD MORE CHEMISTRY THAN BILL+BEV AND BEN+BEV COMBINED OH MY GOD IM SO MAD THE HETEROS GET TO LIVE BY TRUE LOVE BUT THE GAYS DONT AND UG G H H G G HH "hes dead" NO HE FUCKING IS NOT THIS ISNT FAIR I LOVED EDDIE SO MUCH

well uh now that we got my love for richie on papet um

the lake scene

i cried and i had to watch heteros kiss underwater while wiping my tears. its only cool when percabeth does it guys

the lake scene aside i full on BAWLED LIKE A BABY at the ending because i felt so bad that stan died already and i felt bad that not only was richie facing years if bullying and homophobia anf the loss of his friends it finally is confirmed that richie had a crush on eddie and i

i just cried man? it hurt me so much as it weighed on me how many jokes richie made, how scared he was when he saw the missing paper of himself, his flashbacks to people calling him names, his speech to eddie and that he had to get dragged out because this fucker obviously couldnt let go of his feelings. and between all of that and stan's letter my brain blocks out everything and focuses on one

R + E

oh my god

OH MY GOD NO

NOW i dont really like watching movies. as a writer myself im really critical of everything involving the world building, the characters, the plot and all that jazz and usually the acting is so bad that i dont feel for the characters but THIS ONE. T H I S O N E

my mom turned to me and was SO SHOCKED to see my flat out CRYING because i just dont do that man, and she just asked my what made me cry and i just made a noise like "hhhnnnn" and she nodded and went "richie's love story" and i, still crying, went "hhhnnnn" but in a higher pitch

and im just so mad? that eddie didnt get to live?? we didnt get an "i love you" or even a "im gay" from richie??? we didnt get to see them holding hands and letting go of their trauma together and being gay and happy yet

yet the fucking bad-writer-white-boy and boo-hoo-i-had-no-friends and not-bev get happy endings??? mike can get a happy ending because he is a well thought out character

thESE 3 ON THE OTHER HAND OH MY GOD

bill had to change his endings which really makes me angry because ima writer yada yada

bill has been bullied his uh what whole life? he got told his opinion didnt matter and from what i remember even his parents shut down his ideas and i feel like he should have made the endings how he wanted instead of changing to what the public wanted. thats what he defended as a kid, thats why he was in the losers club unwilling to change, because they were losers. yet he changed.

ben should have stayed fat or at least have abnornal weight because that also defeats his story with bev. it makes it seem that suddenly and magically when ben is hot bev can BEGIN to consider that she loves him.

i already ranted about bev.

mike is decent i guess? i like that he didnt stay with whoever the fuck that was in the first movie because he seemed very aggreasive to me. im glad the chose to research into pennywise because others were too stupid not to (RICH AND EDDIE GET A PASS AGAIN BECAUSE THEY SHARE HALF A BRAINCELL AND I LOVE THEM)

well stan is just tragic

___

me: who the fuck is afraid of spiders why do they keep showing up

mom: its stan?

mom: he brought the hair things and all

me, about to cry: oh m y god

---

so TL;DR: we really liked the first film! the acting, the plot, the creepiness is overall better and you get to relate to a bunch of Losers who get abused by their parents

the 2nd film doesnt exist. i refuse to acknowledge it exist EXCEPT for the ending where stan writes a letter about how he would like to meet hks friends again while BREATHING and richie and eddie carve their initials on a piece of wood and get to be gay.

if your name starts with B your opinion is invalid in the 2nd movie

also can anybody give me fanfics where the fortnite dancing clown doesnt exist and richie goes to therapy to heal from the bullying and once he gets over his homophobia he gays with eddie??? specific i know but im willing to write it if it doesnt exist

[feralthembo]

so im going to include a diverse array of anime guys so this may take multiple reblogs:

you mentioned twinks so im gonna start with my wettest sappiest guys.

first on the roster? my beloved Izuru, Pre-cyborg status because i love this picture so much. look at how fuckin skinny he is i just wanna toss him over my shoulder and throw him into bed

keeping on the theme of "blonde guys who died and were brought back to be meat weapons" we have Deidara, the pic i chose is because the mouth hands are important to understanding my choice here. ART IS A BANG!!! Be Gay Commit Arson!!!

keeping in the fandom with this next one, I'm pulling up Deidara's partner, Sasori. Guy is a puppet who turns people into puppets because fuck you thats why. art is eternal, art endures, art isnt a fucking explosion deidara...

AND NOW BACK TO BLEACH!!!! disaster science twink, Szayelaporro Granz! this guy deepthroats his sword on screen mind you, so thats the kind of fucked up he is. he vores his subordinates to heal himself. the only way he gets defeated is by getting out fucked-up-science-guy'd by someone whos probably gonna make this list once i get to "men i want to hit me or cut me open" but yeah! science twink!

honorable mention for his little brother, Yylfordt, who gets choked out by a superpowered little girl which angers him so much he turns into a bull

Ok so im putting this in after id gone past it because i forgot about the science twink of Durarara!! Shinra Kishitani. this guy is really good at being really smart AND really stupid. but its ok because hes got a hot fairy wife who hits him <3 this guy sells cheap but effective titty skittles 100%

now im gonna transition from this category to another by way of Izaya Orihara. general nuisance. most commonly shipped with a guy who wont be too much further down on the list who he tries to get to kill him multiple times a day. i hope they kill each other while they fuck kinda thing. has a sister whos really into him iykwim. generally seen being a dick or getting the shit kicked out of him, usually both.

AND THIS BRINGS US TO THE CATBOYS WHO I WILL LEAD OFFICIALLY WITH T H E CATBOY.

GRIMMJOW JEAGERJAQUEZ

this is THE angsty catboy. he kills, he maims, he pisses on the carpet, he eliminates whole species of birds for fun and if you keep him inside he SCREAMS AT THE TOP OF HIS LUNGS HOW DARE YOU FATHER YOU CAGE GRIMMY LIKE THE CIRCUS ANIMAL????? JAIL FOR TEN THOUSAND YEARS FATHER!!!!!!!

you know what fuck it this is as good a place as any to drop Shizuo, he IS a catboy after all. He has super strength because hes angry. theres a proper in universe explanation but brain isnt there rn brain is at boys avenue. So he dresses in barkeep getup because his brother gave it to him. his brother is his person, though hes close with a couple others. throws vending machines at izaya in canon. this is quite literally how they introduce him. transgender autistic cluster B king SHIZUO HEIWAJIMA (please pardon his hatred of milk)

i cant recall that many catboys actually so next category: miscellaneous fucked up science guys!! starting with the guy who fucked up the pink haired guy from before! Mayuri Kurotsuchi! this guy is war crimes mcgee. he commits atrocities not even for breakfast but a light snack or beverage. my gender is his six inch coke nail? his bankai is a fucking baby and it gets more fucked up each time it shows up. made his child in a lab and is real weird about it. was literally in jail for science crimes at one point.

The guy who let that fucker out of science jail was Kisuke Urahara. my professional nerd opinion is that nobody hates kisuke correctly. YES he masks his fucked up science guy shit with dopey stoner vibes, but those vibes arent fake. hes just a dopey stoner who is also a fucked up science guy. and he is fucked up! he bimboifies everyones favorite catgirl in canon bc it made her stronger! he controls the protagonists party putting them all in serious danger without giving them enough information CONSTANTLY. but also hes my babygirl and i love him. scrungly.

Another guy who kisuke let out of jail was Akon! im actually writing a fic with him in it rn!!! He was just a kid when kisuke let him out and its never really mentioned how he got in there. he keeps a straight face for everyone BUT mayuri and kisuke who piss him off existentially. Hes not just a hero, hes a union man. this is the guy soul reapers go to to get any gender affirming care. he could and would build you a cock trident. basement gremlin energy

I forgot to add him up with the other science twinks but this works because hes an old man in a fresh body? Toto Sakigami. im not talking about him too much because this genderfucked little weirdo explains himself in like .5 seconds on google and i could never do it justice

and ill use this to transition into "please kill me" territory: Senji Kiyomasa! Deadman Crow! literally the only downside is he used to be a cop. hes got the beef, he got no brains, hes flustered REAL easy. its just too good. this man is shaped and sounds like a daddy but would crumble if you so much as showed him a nipple. cinnamon roll that got torched by systematic injustice that he participated in

now my FAVORITE deadman wonderland character? Azuma Genkaku. the UBERMONK. hes gonna help that soul transcend its flesh prison, man. maximum gender, he is the epitome of apeshit. peak fucked up little guy. I am chewing him chewing him chewing him chewing him chewing hi

Kenpachi Zaraki. Dilf extroardinaire who could kill me with his vibes. i dont just want to fuck this old man, i NEED to fuck this old man. he straight up rips someones throat out because they were talking too much. yeah there are more reasons hes here but thats about it

im losing focus but i have like 3 more genres of Guys to rummage thru at some point

the cute anime girls on my tumblr dash would not want me to commit unalive to escape the agonies the cute anime girls on my tumblr dash would not want me to commit unalive to escape the agonies the cute anime girls on my tumblr dash would not want me to commit unalive to escape the agonies the cute anime girls on my tumblr dash would not want me to commit unalive to escape the agonies the cute anime girls on my tumblr dash would not want me to commit unalive to escape the agonies

[dilfhakyeon-moved]

yO i was abt to write to you abt the new modc ep (what's going on with the weird cuts at the beginning jcbjfbjb im crying) but i saw your post so!!!! tell me abt your dream bro i wanna hear abt it!!!!!! -✨

OH I HAVENT SEEN IT YET RIGHT I FORGOT IT CAME OUT TODAY!!! Let me watch it then we can talk abt it !!

And well my dream is pp long so bear w me 😔 i don't have the 'read more' function on mobile so i apologise in advance for everyone who comes across this !! I'll edit the 'read more' into it when I can 😊 ( i hav edited it hehehehe )

SO . actually there are several parts to this dream and I woke up between the first two parts but ... YEA.

At first I was home but a cat had gotten inside my house, I already had two cats ( my current cat and the one that will have died one year ago exactly tomorrow... yes five days after my birthday december is a cursed month for me. but if u wanna know abt him just search 'tchoupi' on my blog ) and I don't think my girl was okay w that new cat ? also new cat looked wonky sjhsjsh ? I wasn't sure abt its behaviour bc it seemed like it cld get irritated fast. In the end my mother told me to throw it out so I did against my will but when I saw it walk away... it had a missing leg.... I was like oh shit dude no come back... so I went and opened the front door and it came back running !!! I couldn't leave it like that w/o food if it already was incapacitated in a way. so that was my new cat. everything ends well ( I'm pp sure I forgot a part of that part but it's not the one I'm interested in )

SECOND PART... THE CÅSTLË. i was in a castle that was more medieval than renaissance styled or whatever the fuck i didnt study architecture but yes this. it had a courtyard with a fountain and that courtyard had a beautiful view on The Unknown ( aka fields and forests and stuff yknow just. The view ) but there were also bridges ( not the rock kind the "we use it in movies to make a character dramatically fall after the villain cut the rope" kind ) and little paths to go to The Unknown. there was a built-in church ( not a christian but i guess that was a smart choice given most attendees were fire emblem characters and they were definitely christians ) and also stables i guess ? but the front stables were empty and i didn't get to see the actual stables. the front stables had a pathway going around them ( there was a front stable on the left and on the right, with the courtyard being a little pushed back ? like if you left the end of the stable pathway you were already past the courtyard )

so now picture all ot this but suddenly the sky is super dark and everything is grim and gloomy. like a typical halloween movie. everything that was neat feels now worn out and the pathways are definitely scary, nobody wants to go there !

i was looking for my friends ( aka mercedes from fire emblem three houses ) but somehow couldn't find them, a fight broke out between ingrid and annette ( also fire emblem three houses ) and i don't like rich horse girls nor do i like racists so i was about to beat ingrid's ass. this big dude comes in and threatens me so i scold him and he and ingrid both go away. i win. i talk to more people but they're all acting weird except annette i guess. whatever weirdos i'm out

next i keep looking, but now i'm not alone - i'm not sure of whether it's a real presence or just a spirit until the end of this sequence where this boy tells me where to go and what to do to fix things a little, so i go into both stable pathways and end up being possessed twice ( demonic possession isn't as bad as they tell you i turned out fine ) so when the boy tells me where to go next i'm like "are we getting possessed a third time ?" he chuckles. ( i am gay so that was cute )

but we don't get any time to do that third thing ! we get out of the pathways and everyone is planning to go fight whatever is beyond The Unknown ! i look at the boy and awake me now pictures him as kraam from the stranded. cool i have a nice partner in crime i'm okay with that. the others leave, there's a lot of them but a second group is getting ready ! so kraam-but-not-quite grabs my arm firmly but like he doesn't hurt me or anything and we start going into The Unknown as well. im like hey wtf do we do now. and he tells me oh these two groups are going mad that couldn't be us let's go find the stray kids ( awake me now realises this is ~cringe~ but dream me was like whoa a solitary group of ppl who fight bigger evils ! BC YES THAT WAS WHAT SKZ WERE DOING IN THIS DREAM but i never met them ) so we can join forces w them and defeat these ppl. i look back. i see the second group from afar bc they have torches. im like wow this is like beauty and the beast.

something happens, idk what, but kraam starts running ! i'm a slow runner so i thought oh fuck not again but i ran after him anyway, the next bit is us running through a sort of jungle ( the sky is clear again ) and like its CRAZY i fucking loved that bit bc WOO ADVENTURE !! ( im a sagittarius )

then we slip between two trees' leaves and end up in a facility. we keep running bc if we stay there We Will Die. suddenly i am slowed down ( which leads me to believe before that he was holding my wrist but released my wrist when he slipped between the trees ) but he checks on me which i appreciate because that means he would rather die with me than survive without me, romance luv

his father ! the bastard. tries to kiss me in front of his mother. im like lmao dude thats disgusting die n go to catholic hell. i push him away and tell him off, he gets pissed but i cant go look for kraam bc his brothers r telling me abt how we're gonna go on a road trip. im like ? the world is abt to end tho ? but apparently my dream rly wanted a drama plot so fine.

his brothers have, allegedly, caught on to an alleged potential relationship between us. no im not gonna complain abt it im lonely and sad and gay so my dream fills in for me. theyre talking abt how theres not enough room for all of us in the van unless i sit on kraam for the trip but they ( specifically the one brother who oddly reminds me of dbk rain ) somehow make it into a sexual joke ? being me tho i didnt get it KSBSKDH... they were like talking abt legs ?? i remember it was abt how it wouldnt work with smth with four legs 'unless i could go with three' and like i dont even know what the hell that was supposed to mean we're talking abt a van not a horse ygwim ?

idk if i woke up after that but my brain did picture both me complaining to kraam abt his dad doing that and him getting quietly angry and just telling me to not come close to him again just in case hed try it again AND the beginning of the 'road trip' where i was indeed using kraam as a seat. and i was sleeping bc idk maybe i was tired from the running ! i hope my next dream is the continuation bc boy that was a whole drama episode

also i gave up and started calling him just kraam but it wasnt kraam ofc he just had kraams face from what i remember ! but he wasnt kraam at all

[lymanjosh]

do you have any tips on bringing up ADHD to a therapist? I desperately need help for it but I don’t want my concerns dismissed because stuff like adderall is heavily misused :(

i had like two pages of an answer for this (and it was coherent, even, if you can believe it) and then i refreshed the page like a dumbass so this is take 2, which is Less Coherent and im sorry but theres nothing i can do about it

so im not an authority on the subject or anything, and i don’t know your situation, and also ive been diagnosed for like 2 weeks, so you can pretty much take everything i say with a grain of salt. what im gonna do is im gonna run through my own experience / what i wish i did differently / what im doing now, and i hope it helps, and you can totally feel free to come back if you wanna talk more at all once im finished!! and i really hope that at least something i say here is of help to you

also this is gonna be rambly and im sorry about that but i don’t know any other way to be. im gonna preemptively forgive myself because youre like me so you get it but im sure it’s not easy to read so for that i apologize.

tldr: know concretely why you think you have ADHD and what treatment options you want to pursue, do like 3 times more research than you think you need to do, write down all your symptoms in advance, cite your past history of mental health treatment if you have one, and try not to worry too much. if your therapist is any good at their job they’ll know you’re not just drug-seeking, and they’ll recognize the symptoms and problems you discuss when you bring them up in the context of ADHD. probably you’ll be okay, and you’ll get the treatment you need.

so i spent most of my teen years in a drug-addled haze. i was depressed and anxious because i couldn’t Fucking Do Anything, and my parents were worried so they took me to the doctor, and the doctor was worried so she sent me to another doctor, and this continued for a long time and i was on like 4 different antidepressants and 4 different antipsychotics and also some anti-anxiety meds between the ages of like 15 and 16. it was heavily traumatic and also not fun, and the reason all this happened was that nobody stopped to think that maybe i might share some genes with my dad, who has been diagnosed inattentive since before i was born.

right off the bat i should have been way more up in arms about self-advocating, which is something you’re clearly doing, so that’s awesome and you should give yourself a pat on the back because that’s really difficult in the mental health industry especially when you’re already fighting your own brain on most things. 

hopefully you haven’t been through a wringer of false diagnoses and nonsensical prescriptions, but if you have, then you can guilt your doctor a little bit. “i was traumatized! i was given dangerous psychoactive drugs during a critical phase of neural development! you have to give me stimulants to atone for your sins!” phrase it exactly like that, it’s like a silver bullet. in all seriousness if you ahve past diagnoses of anxiety or depression or anything to do with emotional dysregulation that can help your case, because you can point out that a) these things are common misdiagnoses for adhd, and b) the symptoms for these things logically emerge from things like emotional hyperarousal and rejection-sensitive dysphoria. 

what i should have done, and what i think you should do, is write down your symptoms in advance, because then you won’t have to spend an hour hemming and hawing and trying to thnk of them all in the doctor’s office. i did not do this. it didn’t prove to be a problem because my doctor was kinda irresponsible but i really should have done this, just for my own benefit.

when i actually brought it up to my doctor that i might have adhd i had a couple different things going for me. i was talking to my GP, and not my therapist; im not in therapy (which you can probably tell) because therapists creep me out, but i think physicians are probably more inclined to throw drugs at it than therapists are. my GP was also brand new to my case– i had never even met the guy before. i mentioned my history of mental health treatment, and i also mentioned my dad being diagnosed, and im also a girl (girls are chronically underdiagnosed and extremely likely to be misdiagnosed with either anxiety or depression), so i had some concrete facts to support why i had suspicions. i had also done a shit ton of research beforehand, so i advise you to do that– know concretely why you think you have adhd and what treatment options you want to pursue.

you might benefit from talking about it with your doctor before your therapist, but idk that might just be my fear of therapists talking. i think a doctor is less likely to want to taco bout it than a therapist but that may just be my specific experience– you know your situation better than i do. and admittedly a therapist is more likely to, like, Know You and know what you’re talking about when you say (for example) that you’ve always struggled with emotional dysregulation, or whatever.

something else that might help you– i wish i had done this not because i don’t want to look like a drug-seeker but because i Miss Coffee– is to bring up non-stimulant treatments like strattera (for adults) or kapvay or intuniv (both for children but sometimes prescribed to adults) because it’ll show you’ve done your homework and it might be a point against writing you off. stimulants are usually the first resort for adhd, so it’s highly likely you’ll end up on adderall or another stimulant, but it’s good to bring up as an option. might also be good to research it as a serious course of action, especially if you suffer with anxiety, because stimulants are likely to make you more anxious.

i would also advise you not to fixate on adderall? idk enough about your situation to know if you’ve done that but it’s good to be open to other medications and treatment plans bc if adderall doesn’t work for you it doesn’t work and there’s not a ton you can do about it. you should for sure read up on other treatments– you might find one that sounds more appealing, or at the very least you’ll know what to think if your doctor brings up another one unexpectedly.

so i brought up to my doctor that i might have adhd and he immediately plonked a questionnaire in front of me. i filled it out (spoiler alert most of my answers were “often”) and he was like “oh this is textbook, let’s get you on adderall” which like WHAT. i didn’t even ask about adderall. like im not gonna argue with you but let’s talk about this first before we break out the stimulant medication. but i’ve been on it for a couple days and no major side effects yet so maybe he was right who knows. anyway he was super irresponsible don’t let your doctor just prescribe you meds at random go through the side effects. always ask about the side effects. i get such bad headaches after it wears off. i have one now and its Bad. 

but as an addendum you should for sure be prepared to use other coping mechanisms. i’ve started using a bullet journal since i was diagnosed which i’ve found works really well, and youtube channels like howtoadhd are really helpful to me!! i try to use the meds sparingly because i Don’t Like taking pills and also bc adderall can be habit forming, and because i hope to eventually be able to function without it, and i advise you to think of it the same way. drugs don’t have to be a permanent fixture in your life– you can use it as a temporary tool while you build up the necessary coping mechanisms and mental pathways to function without it. adhd isn’t broken brain, it’s just brain on hard mode, if you know what i mean. i try to think of the meds as training wheels– i learn to function with it, and then i gradually learn to function without it. so idk if that’s a useful way to think about it for you but to me it feels more hopeful than resigning myself to a lifetime on more drugs. idk. 

but even if you’re okay with that, adderall isn’t gonna make you functional (it might. kinda feel like you’re magically functional. that’s how i feel right now, that is to say when im not headaching.) so you have to have systems in place to make it easier for yourself. some kind of productivity app might help ig (i used ike for like 3 days and then my phone died and i forgot to charge it for a week because that happens to me sometimes, but i liked ike!) but i like analog todo lists. feels good checking stuff off. either way is good though. 

also get your phone to send you alerts. also rearrange your stuff. like, make the world around you conducive to your functioning. do your best to create and live in a space that enables you to do the things you need to do. get accommodations at school if you need to (i haven’t done this and can’t tell you how but there are a ton of online tutorials and you can probably just google your school + accessibility, or something, and that’s assuming you even go to school)

but yeah i hope any of that was helpful to you and im sorry to make you do 1 million hours of deciphering my shitty informal writing style and i love you and i want to help you please come back and let me know how everything goes bc im gonna worry about you otherwise