#theres also no way she could pick up a vending machine but its funny to think she could

[lefetfritos]

my sillyies

[never-lock-the-door]

My ojiichan was a man of few words but his actions spoke far louder and resonated within one’s impression of him. He was also a numbers man and someone who always did things according to his “plan”. He passed away exactly 5 months before his 90th birthday and within the last year of the Heisei era. While he always told us he would live until 100, according to Buddhist (Nichirenshu) tradition, his time in his mother’s womb counts as 1 year so he passes at age 90. He likes these kinds of numbers… lol my mom is exactly 30 years younger than him, my aunt 40 years younger, and their cousin is 20 years younger. It’s something we always told him the last 9 years of his life as he battled with Alzheimer’s. I always selfishly wished that I would be able to ask him more questions about his grandeur life and why he was always a man with a plan, but this past year I’ve learned a lot about the kind of a person he was.

To my surprise, he served as PTA president for both my mom and my aunt’s schools and took in many of his nephews to live with them when their families were going through troubles or school was too far away from home. I think that the fatal passing of his older brother left a huge impact on his role in holding responsibility for taking care of his family. (as the story goes, my ojiichan was the one who was supposed to pick up the peaches from someone but his older brother went instead and the train he took was bombed (wwII period). In all synchronicity, the station I use for my commute to school is the same station that my great uncle faced his passing). Anywho, I heard this one story from my mom’s cousin where my ojiichan used to operate some vending machines and one time gave his nephew a part time job to collect the change from the machines and in exchange he was allowed to take as many coins as he could fit in his pockets as his payment. Lol it reminds me of this one time when my ojjichan came to Cali for my high school graduation… I was hanging out with my best friend James and his younger brother and we all ended up taking a nap on the living room floor. When we all woke up, he had placed a $50 bill on each of our chests to have as spending money… He of course didn’t say anything. He liked big gestures. He paid for my mom to have two wedding ceremonies lol and the Japanese one apparently had someone from the infamous comedy powerhouse Yoshimoto-Kyogo. *oh what it must have been like to live in the bubble era… hah.

For the many highs and ups he experienced, he also had his share of lows and downfalls. 人生チャラの論. Reflecting on his life, I really do believe things end in kind of a harmonious balance especially if you live your life with good heart. One of things I’m most grateful to my ojiichan is for giving me his last name. A couple of years ago, my dope bosses at the radical social justice orgs I was working at gave me time off so I could have the opportunity to go to the family grave with my grandparents for the 23rd anniversary of my great-grandparents passing. This is where I first learned that the Kondo family can trace its lineage back to the 1500s in a rural town called Miyoshi in Hiroshima. I also learned that the land that the grave and temple is on was gifted by the Kondo family many generations ago. My ojiichan will mark the 15th generation… It feels surreal that I can trace back the names of people repping the Kondo family name that far back. I even found a women’s name! at like generation 4 or 5. I’m not sure if knowing this kind of history helps me know where I’m going, but it does provide me with a lot of grounding as someone who has always felt a little lost with my identity. While I’m not very sure if my mom and I can continue to be part of a place we have no real connection with, I will always honor this diasporic connection and history I am part of.

I’ll be forever grateful for my ojiichan for living a bold life. One of the last jokes he told to his care manager at the group home he spent his last half year was beyond witty. So, theres a comedian by the name of Daigo who has created many acronyms called DAI語 like GFM (great fantastic movie) and when the care manager asked him if theres anything he is concerned about, he responded with “hmmm yes. MMK.” To which the caretakers asked, “what is MMK Kondo-san?” He simply replied, “モテてモテて困る” “I’m so popular with the ladies, it’s becoming a problem.”  It’s peculiar because he is hard of hearing so can’t watch tv and no one had taught him to say that… sometimes we believe his Alzheimer’s was a conspiracy plot he pulled but I think that he was just really good at bringing a smile to those around him.

May his soul and spirit transition and rest peacefully so that he can have fun with all of the games he likes to play and drawing in others as they listen to his amusing life stories. Thank you for letting me take part in honoring your transition. It was really beautiful to fill your casket with your birth flower, bouquets of flowers, white orchids, your favorite sea bream dish, snacks, and letters we wrote. The cremation process was also very new to me and felt sacred in ways I never felt before. It’s funny lol that I was able to find your one and only tooth! I hope that you’ll get to meet my best friend Mack up there. He also likes them gambling games. Thanks ojiichan. Even though you aren’t here with us in this world, I know I’ll continue to learn from you. I’ll do my best to bring good things forth to this world.

  side tangent about the cute bachans in my life: Lol this side of my family makes so many inappropriate jokes. We are not typical Japanese… When the monk asked my grandma to say any last words, She at first was just like “bye bye”. Lol and then said some nice words of course but then ended with “don’t come and get me too soon because I need to go find a husband.” Lolol. Even at the cremation ceremony, she thought his remaining bones were meant for eating. Bahahahaha. My ojiichan’s sister was just as hilarious, we had a day before the ceremonies started so that my mom could arrive in time and I “baby sat” both my grandma and his sister while my aunt was running around making phone calls and preparing the funeral. Both my obaachan and obachan have dementia so maybe that’s why all the usual ways of respectful behavior get thrown out the window but his sister would play this game where we would cover part of my ojiichan’s mouth with a towel to see if his mouth would open even more than before. It’s very interesting to see how even though his was “dead” there were still parts of him that were alive, like your hair keeps growing or his face looked different with each passing day and in particular his mouth kept opening even though we would try and close it. I really appreciated how humanizing the whole experience was.

to my おじいちゃん who loved las vegas My ojiichan was a man of few words but his actions spoke far louder and resonated within one's impression of him.