#theres a lot more that i could explain but its hard to put into words

[outlawtornn]

What the FUCK is going on with the Henry-William dynamic and why theyre like That because i think ive put this post off long enough:

tw // mentions of shitty parents, overdose/suicide🤥

Okay so the simplest answer I can give you is codependence. Thats the only way i can describe their dynamic. Henry needs William and William needs Henry! This isnt in a strictly romantic or strictly platonic sense, either. They were both set to meet at one of the lowest points in their life with only each other to go to, so its just easier for them to just stick with each other. Williams trust is fucked up and Henry is just..he just likes having William around because they understand each other. I mean, both of them had suffered through shitty childhoods with Henry having a deadbeat mother and living in poverty and William with an abusive father. They just get each other and it just brought them closer to the point they just couldnt live without each other.

Now, their relationship also isnt the healthiest, either. Its full of jealousy and the whole "I need you" thing just fucks them up a lil bit more. At the same time, though, its worse for them to be apart. I mean, they genuinely need each other to feel okay because each of them posesses qualities the other doesnt, and being apart for too long brings them genuine distress. Thats why theyre always either written, or drawn together. Theyre a pair and its rare for them to be separated if not by force.

Though the main reason I talk about them not being healthy is heavily influenced by how Henry reacts to Williams death: erraticly. I mean, he loses himself the moment William "leaves him."(Thats what it feels like to him, at least.) He becomes impulsive, self destructive, etc because the fact of the matter is, he genuinely needed william to feel okay. William knew Henry for around 25 years, taking up the better part of his life, and when hes always there, Henry didnt really think it was possible to live a life without him there, so ultimately Henry didnt care if he himself died afterwards. He naturally stopped caring because ein his eyes, he was living for william. With william gone, he basically lost the one thing he was living for and the only reason he stayed another 6 months was because he wasnt actively trying to die, it just happened when he was being careless.

On a seperate note, and the question I keep being asked, are they dating? And for that, Its kind of complicated. They arent just friends, but they arent really dating, either. Its something in between, especially post-war when theres no reason that theyre ever apart. They take on an almost domestic kind of style with each other? Like theres more physical touch than one would deem "friendly" whether that be a hand on the cheek, playing with hair, etc. But its for means of comfort. But do they have feelings for each other? By 1785, yeah, but nothing is done about it. They were content being their own thing that isnt romantic and isnt platonic and yayy good for them they were happy with each other and a little bit gay and a LOTTA bit codependent but thats basically their dynamic ^_^

[gatorbites-imagines]

Male Reader spanking zoro after he put himself in danger? But zoro is still defending himself so reader becomes actually angry at zoro for not thinking about himself (or reader and how reader would live without him) and leaves zoro in the middle of the punishment before he says something he regrets and avoids zoro the next few days until the crew is like "this can't go on" and traps them together for an entire day in a room. They both break easily and end up cuddling for the most part (after some creampies)

Roronoa Zoro x male reader

headcanons

I love Zoro so much, its not even funny anymore.

Punishing Zoro was a chore in an of itself, since hes such a tough guy used to most types of pain. This also leads to him being very into painplay, so most usual methods of punishments don’t work on him.

It would take a lot of spanking to get Zoro to buckle, which is why he easily talks back when you do end up spanking him as punishment. Normally you would do something more advanced, mixing it with something else, but this time you are so worked up about almost losing him that you don’t have the energy.

Even as you scold him and tell him what a dumb idea it was to jump into danger like that, Zoro stats resolute in his decision, just squaring his shoulders and stabilizing his stance, letting you take your hand or paddle or whatever you’re using on him.

It ends up having the opposite effect of what you’re going for, since Zoro is probably still running on adrenaline from the fight you just got back from. Instead of making him cry and apologize, it has him shuddering and moaning, eye clenching shut as he tries to push his hips back at you.

But even then, he still defends what he did, even when you say you could have lost him, since its his duty as the strawhats swordsman and first mate.

It makes you so angry and makes your heart hurt so much you know you just need to step back before you say or do something you’ll regret, so you just lift your hands, step back, and leave with an angry exhale.

After being left wanting and shuddering like that, Zoro probably starts to feel kinda petty and wronged too, cuz he doesn’t see why you are so worked up about what he did.

So, you two start avoiding each other, and the ship gets super tense for literally everyone, especially since neither you or Zoro will tell the rest of the crew what is up. They all just know you two probably had a fight, and a bad one at that with how you guys are acting.

It starts to take a toll on the rest of the crew when you guys’ won’t even be in the same room together, or even talk to each other. They know it’s especially bad when you guys stop sleeping in the room Franky built specifically for you two, when you became a couple.

The next time the crew needs to restock, its probably Luffy that ends up trapping you guys in your room together, as he doesn’t want his crew to fight, and cuz literally everyone has been walking on eggshells.

This results in you and Zoro being trapped inside your room the entire day as the crew it away getting supplies and whatever they do on new islands.

Theres a lot of tense silence as you both sit on either side of the room, not even looking at each other for a while. I’m not even sure who cracks first and starts talking, if you are just as stubborn as Zoro.

But one of you starts opening up about it, and you end up explaining how much it hurts that Zoro cares so little for his own safety, and that he would just leave you behind so easily. Zoro, whos never really thought about it that deeply, feels his heart break that you thought he didn’t love you enough to want to stay.

Cue Zoro saying some super heartfelt thing about how you mean so much to him, and one of the reasons he tries to hard to keep the crew safe is cuz he loves you so much. He isn’t the best with words, but he gets it out in a way that has your heart warming up.

It ends up with you guys actually talking about your emotions, and with you two tumbling into bed together, kissing like you haven’t seen each other in months. Its surprisingly soft from both of you, kissing and touching and being so loving.

The breath is completely knocked out of you when Zoro starts riding you, because how couldn’t it, having all 198 lb. of muscular swordman bouncing up and down on your cock, his callused hands gripping at your shoulders or chest.

Zoro takes riding you as serious as any of his other exercise, his eye serious and face flushed as he uses just his thighs to lift and lower himself, not even letting you help in thrusting up into him. You just end up holding his hips and groping his torso, going along with the ride.

You guys are probably lucky that the entire crew is off the ship, or else they’d hear how loud Zoro moans when you hit his prostate and take his pecs into your mouth at the same time. You’ll probably end up with a headache from how hard he pulls your hair though, he loses track of his strength sometimes when riding you.

You get exhausted much longer before Zoro does, overstimulation sending electricity through your entire body as Zoro keeps riding you, even when your first load is squelching right out of him around your shaft.

Hes a beast, but he’s your beast, and if being sucked dry like a juice box is what it takes, you’ll happily do it. It just ends up with you feel extra dehydrated and shaky legged. This is why you normally wring him out in the beginning, so you can keep up with his insane stamina.

After Zoro has had his fill and painted your torso white with his own spend, he flops down beside you and buries his face into your neck, just inhaling you and needing you close.

You would end up clinging to him too, mumbling something about how you don’t wanna lose him, to which Zoro replies that you wont if he has anything to say about it.

Cue lots of softer and loving kisses and caresses, sweet words mumbled just between lovers, before you guys fall asleep. Zoro most likely ends up asleep first, for once completely asleep instead of the type of half naps he normally takes.

When the crew returns later, some of them will be able to guess immediately what you guys were up too, especially if your knees are still feeling weak from how much Zoro drained you.

But you guys are talking and back to acting like you normally do, so that’s all that matters. I could see Nami teasing you guys about it though, whilst Robin just laughs a little to herself because its entertaining.

[deafeninggardenerpanda]

i'd love to hear about manmaru metadede !!! i heard it's really Gay but no one ever details it. not a lot of it is translated too, as far as i know, but i really like it.. any excuse to talk about something you like is good too

NO YEA not a lot is translated and the manga itself is already more niche compared to like, mopupupu so its not too well known. translation efforts have really started picking up the past year though (shoutout to @/kirby-manga-translated they do great work). if it needed to be restated for new followers since i havent tl'd in a while, i know a decent amount of japanese so i read them on my own :)c

shoutout to my guy @/rosakikoza as well for giving me his scans hehe. the majority of images below are his or taken from his scans. the rest are mine

*deep breath* the tangent. im gonna need to put this under a cut dont mind me 😍😍😍 did i say 3 paragraphs? i meant 20. like 20 paragraphs

meta knight is absolutely pathetic and incredibly down bad for dedede this manga. its adorable. multiple people ive talked to or seen have come to the conclusion it seems like he has a huge crush on him. a quick brief for those who dont know but this mangas meta is admittedly Veryyyyy different from how you'd expect a meta knight to be. uncharacteristically friendly and cheerful and. pathetic is really the best word for it. hes kinda a loser. incredibly protective of dedede, he switches between two modes of fussing over him quite a bit and semi-often going into incredible rage bloodlust modes over protecting him or his image (youll see a good amount of jp fanwork depict this version of him as a yandere for that reason)

theres also been more than one occasion where meta knight tries to commit seppuku upon accidently doing something he sees as unforgivable towards his king (its in the chapter i just screenshotted above too, another time he broke dededes clock and freaked out about it). i-. dont consider this a cute ship thing for the record im just stating it to emphasize the extent of metas obsession towards dedede this manga. the mans got Problems...

apart from that, also quite differing from most interpretations of both of them, both of them seem to genuinely really like spending time around each other all the time. it comes off as casually domestic and is very cute...

regardless of my attempts to brief it, i dont feel like im explaining this very well so lemme just show you a frankly ridiculous amount of reasons for why i keep feeling like this mangaka ships metadede

-fake kiss: self explanatory

-fake proposal: also self explanatory

mk: Will you marry me!?

ddd: Yes!

context for this scene is that theyre rehearsing for a play, but actually its later revealed that meta knight is playing the princess while dedede is playing the male protag so im not exactly sure it makes sense that hes the one proposing here. my speculation is that to make the proposal seem legit for the gag they Had to use meta LMAO but thats just my take

also to be noted, right after kirby hears the proposal he immediately runs off and tries to tell everyone the news before ddd+mk stop him and explain that its fake. hes not thrown off or weirded out at the idea that they could be getting married in the slightest. kirby says gay rights Real i love him sm

-this one is from what i call the memory loss chapter:

dedede loses his memories from getting hit in the head too hard. the gang figures out that beating dedede up or otherwise causing him injury causes him to regain some of them back though, to which kirby attempts to harm him with increasingly violent means, much to meta knights horror. mk spends the entire chapter trying to protect dedede from him, and it doesnt work obviously, but after a particularly hard hit dedede remembers everyone again... except for meta knight. to which meta knight gets upset about and lets kirby lay into dedede for real. you see where people get the yandere personality from now right. i dont recall this trait coming out too often but ill talk more about it later

-the whole chapter thats a cinderella retelling with dedede and meta knight. also also self explanatory COME ON LOOK AT THIS ONE. LOOK AT IT.

mk: Y…You're…

ddd: Wow, he's so beautiful!! It's like I'm dreaming…!

-theres the mangaka chapter which is a more recent one

the gang makes manga for dedede. meta knight's manga is about how cool, brave, and heroic dedede is. mysteriously enough however the only thing hes good at is drawing dededes face and nothing else. the implications of this one drive me absolutely insane. is it supposed to imply that meta knight stares at his face all day?? admires his appearance??? he looks at him so much he basically has his face memorized????? HUH???????? theres no heterosexual explanation for this. acting like a teenager with a crush out here got damn

=various images im sharing out of context because they r cute

head pats. holding hands and reaching the goal together. peak.

KNIGHT DRESSUP FOR THE KNIGHT. AHAAHGH

ddd: Hoho, pretty spiffy don'cha think?

mk: Ohh!? It suits you!!

fellas is it gay to shout "OHH! META KNIGHT!!" with a dopey grin on your face upon being saved like a damsel in distress

sometimes meta knight acts domestic as fuck too. his copy abilities as he states are: cook! clean!! and sleep!!!

regarding my thoughts on their dynamic in this series overall, i think theyre absolutely adorable. meta knight emits dog energy in this one. eager golden retriever towards dedede, though dedede has his sweet moments towards meta knight too. (viewing it with a shipping lens just for this post ofc) while meta is the more active crusher, some of the stuff above seems to imply that dedede has feelings in return as well :') they just get along really well too its great. theres a different chapter where they perform as a comedy duo. theyve done plays in multiple chapters. its my hc for these versions of them that they love doing performances of all kinds together and do a lot of rehearsals and writing in their free time...

and the yandere stuff i feel like i should address as well. i try not to take some aspects Too seriously because its to be expected things are over emphasized for the sake of the joke with gag mangas. but oh man the man definitely has problems. he needs therapy. i tried to be transparent in listing those aspects as well so people can make their own conclusions on it But theres one more thing id like to mention regarding that

meta knights personality has been shifting to be different from what i listed, as of the most recent volume. my beloved forgotten land arc... a first for this series in that, while the chapters still retain their gag humor and dont take themselves that seriously, its a serialized story that mostly follows along with the game plot that lasts nearly the whole volume (as opposed to other game arcs in this manga being episodic stories, using the games as their theme rather than a full on setting). with the more serious tone of the serialized story, theres a frankly startling hint of character development i never wouldve expected from a gag manga at the end of it

kirby gets ko'd the first round of the meta knight cup so meta knight joins the meta knight cup instead. turns out when he does that the final boss of the cup is dedede. meta knight Really doesnt want to hurt dedede and so dedede promptly kicks his ass without a second thought and wins the tournament. while the crowd cheers for dedede's victory, meta and dedede have a small talk where dedede tells him he doesnt need to fuss so much about hurting him/him getting hurt. presumably this is supposed to mark the end of meta knights intense overprotectiveness because (its never been clear-cut due to the nature of the manga previously, so its a lil hard to say) dededes shown he can handle himself, or like, isnt some fragile thing. i really hope itll stick around because i think its a great addition to both of their characters. the meta-knights have also been appearing way more frequently as of very recent chapters (ones that havent been compiled into a volume yet) which seem to also hint to meta knight getting more independence to his character from dedede's loyal servant. im very excited to see where it goes :D

and like, last last disclaimer if anyone needed it; even tho i love metadede and i like to see things through ship glasses sometimes i absolutely try my best to keep my biases out of my translations. putting out accurate translations means a lot to me! this entire post is me purposely putting the ship glasses on so please dont take it as "omg metadede is canon in this manga". you know way back when i was the only active translator for this manga someone tweeted at the mangaka on twitter mentioning that there were english translations around and he replied to that person. didnt respond to the fan translation thing specifically but the fact that he could know who i am definitely kinda terrifies me. if anyone goes around saying that his manga is the metadede manga because of me and he even has the slightest sliver of a chance of seeing that i will kill yall fr LOL

[karin-miyoshi]

Do you think yuyuyu is ableist?

sheesh, talk about a loaded question

definitely opens up a lot of rabbit holes. ill give my opinion, but note im not the most educated on the subject itself so giving a definite answer is outside my scope.

ill put a read below, but for me, i personally think it isnt, but can be easily misinterpreted as is on a surface level.

tldr, ableism is discrimination towards those with disabilities.

the character in question most of the time when it comes to these topics is tougou, who uses a wheelchair in season 1 due to losing function in her legs. there are never any distasteful jokes made about this, and the show constantly shows various handicap friendly services throughout the show. something even more surprising is that these are never the core focus of the scene or pointed out, its always well integrated into the world as if it were normal (important).

just skimming through s1, we have:

wheelchair assistance integration for both cars and stairs

special swim courses for the disabled, not separated from the rest of the class

beach wheelchairs and separate assistants

now while we can assume a lot of these were due to her previous service as washio sumi, i dont think that would really be fair to the production team putting these in, and it really feels like theres a lot more heart than "yeah we put these for the big shock value realization later on". even after regaining function in her legs near the end of the season, tougou's priority was always towards yuuna and her recovery.

onto the next topic, which is the show taking away and then returning these characters functions throughout. whats important to consider here is what is considered tragic, is it the characters living without these certain functions, or is it the act of losing these functions themselves?

"It'll definitely improve. I mean, we haven't done anything wrong." (Fuu, s1ep9) again, no distasteful jokes made about their disabilities, and fuu even plays it off with her sick eyepatch. her worries instead stem from the loss of itsuki's dream, in the form of her no longer being able to sing. thats the key factor here, being punished for doing what is right, losing the ability to do what you could do before, losing the memories of the time you spent with your friends. (thats another thing i see with a lot of these arguments, they always bring up physical disabilities, but ive never seen one actually talk about ones regarding memory, arguably the most precious thing to them). tougou flat out doesnt remember sonoko at all despite being comrades in arms before, and understandably freaks out that the same might happen with her and yuuna.

now, understandably, the ending to s1 seemed super rushed, and them getting their bodily functions back seemed rather sudden. this put a lot of people off, and was really only explained in s2, which many didnt watch.

people should be allowed to grieve if they lose something important to them, and should be allowed to be happy if they get it back. personally, i dont think people realize the weight of their words when they say, "oh i wish karin wouldve stayed deaf, itd be really cool to see the club members learning sign language for it" or "yuuna in a wheelchair was really cute, i wish we saw more of it." yeah its a cool idea i guess, maybe something to see while theyre stil recovering, but forever? in a chase to see more representation, i hope they realize what they are wishing onto others eventually (even if fictional). while many with disabilities are satisfied with their life, they should be able to wish for better if they wanted to, its not like theyd wish their circumstances on anyone else, right? shouldnt the same apply here, to the girls who've actually lived both with and without disabilities?

just my two cents, hope this wasnt too hard to read! theres a lot more i could write up, especially regarding sonoko, but thats a whole other discussion i should probably save for another time

[feelo-fick]

they call me the yapper because i

--well, okay, like. i mean if you really think about it to "be a yapper" is really relative from person to person; if someone doesnt talk much then of course theyd consider themselves to be "yapping" if they say something over, lets say, 5 sentences (the term yapping holds a sort of negative connotation too, so if someone believes they shouldn't be talking that would also affect their perception of their yapperism). as someone who likes talking and has grown a decent of confidence over the years about that, i tend to go off the rails on talking. despite this im aware that the amount that i speak seems sort of disproportional to to the average person. HOWEVER im a pretty busy person (+ am tired a lot) so its only in short bursts that i get to unleash my full yappering.

okay so, then, whats true yapping in my perception specifically? well, like ive said, i talk a lot unabashedly so my view can and will be weighted by that. personally i feel like yapping would be aroooouund 5+ paragraphs. maybe a little less?

i dont typically go over 3 unless im truly truly going off the rails. like that time i was trying to explain chilaios to my friends OH speaking of that reminds me i should probably be working on those meta analyses and the fanfic i was working on ages ago, god, i missed those - i never actually started on that fic by the way WELL I MEAN TECHNICALLY I DID i started drafting it but i got really intimidated cause. i was staring at it and it sucked and like man i KNOOOOW the first draft it meant to be complete shit BUT LIKE I CANT STAND STARING AT IT ITS SO NERVE WRAKING im not even worried that other people are gonna judge (though thats definitely a part of it)

but anyways thats unrelated, actually i dont think i DO talk that much now that i think about it i mean its only when someone asks me an interesting question or i have a lot to share - which sometimes i do sometimes i dont, but usually in conversations with my friends i do. but again, lack of time and such n such. i honestly WISH i could yap as much as i want to (yap in a positive sense here because talking is never REALLY inherently negative) because it would give me the opportunity to share more information, whatever the topic may be, with other people. and maybe have them learn something that i did too! but theres so many (percieved) obstacles, especially between my thoughts and experiences vs others that its hard to get the words out there. i know i said earlier that i talk unabashedly and its true that i dont really care specifically about the AMOUNT that im speaking, i get a lot anxiety about what im talking about. even if theres no clear correct answer! but somehow, having an opinion feels like an act violence to those who dont share that opinion. WHICH IS A BAD MINDSET, OBVIOUSLY, but its hard to help. what if having my own thought hurts someones feelings? what if having my own autonomy as a person becomes an obstacle that someone needs to get over? what if taking up space in a room is denying someone elses rightful place? its crazy when put on paper, but so easy to slip down the slope until any feeling or need that is not someone elses is a threat to you and others--

anyways, what was i talking about??? oh right they call me the yapper because. because i uhhhh............???

[awellboiledicicle]

I was thinking about arguments and disagreements in relationships today.

And like, generally, we'd all like any arguing to be like. Surface level shit. Like which ice cream has the best texture even after refreezing because no one has ever successfully gotten icecream home from the store fast enough for that not to be a concern. But in a healthy relationship you're gonna have bigger ones. More serious ones.

Because the other person has their whole life as context you do not have. Just like you have yours. We all have weird shit we do without thinking that could lead to worse things if unchecked for too long. We all have some trigger points we don't interrogate because it's hard or we flat don't realize it's something to pick apart-- or that it can be done without hurting ourselves.

My point is its not gonna be fun when your partner or friend calls you on your shit or vice versa. Its gonna be a process. But ultimately it's for the good. It's just gonna feel like shit before you come out the other side because it WILL be something that demands change on some level.

And no one likes that realization because it's hard. So you might get defensive and catty and say shit you don't mean. The best plan at that point is emotionally stepping back and going "ok am I mad because I think they're wrong or am I mad because accepting what they have to say will make me feel shame?"

Which is hard, and sometimes the other person is just incorrect. Sometimes they don't have context. Sometimes it's you that doesn't. It happens.

But sometimes you gotta realize that you errored in some way and now you need to fix it.

And that could be reflection. Apologies. Being more mindful of what you say and how. So on.

Sometimes its "I thought about what you said and yeah. You're right."

I'm not going to say I like having arguments with my partners about big stuff. I really dont. Frankly, I don't even like the tension when my gf is trying to wriggle worm her way out of me buying her lunch and I stand firm bc I love her and want her to eat without having to cook. I would, ideally, have a little pop up in my brain that explained how everything I was saying was being recieved and how everything being said to me was meant and what is behind it. Total understanding that more effectively conveys things and let's me dial into where the friction is so it can be handled.

But that doesn't exist.

So when I put my foot firmly against my tonsils without thinking, bc I'm tired or stressed or dont realize I'm being a dick or I realize theres something there but I fumble asking what's up with it, shit happens. Which is, largely, on me a lot of the time.

But thankfully I have partners that will just fucking say "you're being a prick" or "you just said some shit that sounds like a shithead on tumblr" or "you have wildly missed something". Because they love me and thankfully know that I'm not being like that maliciously. And have the patience to explain things.

So I listen and learn and I grow from that.

.... I'm so mad that saying "I am listening and learning from this" became a disingenuous thing that gets tacked onto halfassed apologies. Because that's literally just how it should go if the wronged party is willing to tell you how you fucked up, you should ideally listen and learn from that. But if you SAY that's what you're doing it feels like you're saying it to make the apology hit a word count or something.

Pondering.

[pigeon3gg]

swifties please dont kill me for this but i genuinely could not finish tortured poets department i got like 13 songs in and i was cringing so hard i could not continue (this is a long post fair warning)

the instrumentals are good i will give her that. i enjoyed the instrumentals a lot and they were all very unique from each other which was cool and gave each song an intrique. HOWEVER

her vocals on all of these songs (apply "at least for the ones i heard" to literally everything i say btw) sound exactly the same. if i wasnt paying so much attention to the instrumentals they would all sound the same. i know "all her songs sound the same" is a common critique she gets and its often untrue but oh my god it is BAD on this one gang!!

my second issue is these fucking lyrics. WHAT was she thinking with these!!! you could put a 😈 emoji after everything shes saying and it wouldnt change anything!! the whole thing is giving "i could be ur angle or ur devil" (insert debby ryan smirk) and it unironically in full seriousness made me cringe.

"im down bad😈 fuck it if i cant have him" stop it please

"you said you loved me but where were the clues" ??? not necessarily bad but such a strange way of saying this???

"but daddy i love him im having his baby, no im not, but oh my god you should see your faces" ???

"all the bodies that have ever been on my body" again this one isnt BAD per se but a really clunky and strange way of putting it

the lyrics arent all HORRIBLE but a lot of these are just very confusing?? like i understand what shes TRYING to say but its very convoluted and its often just worded strangely like an alien wrote it

theres a couple other strange/weird lines other people have mentioned already but the one that made me stop listening was "lights camera bitch smile" i cant explain why this made me cringe so bad i just. dont like this.

anyway thats my thoughts on taylors new album (or the first thirteen songs anyway bc thats far as i got) i might try to pick it back up again tomorrow so if i have any more thoughts i guess youll see those?? idk lmao

again please dont murder me for this im not trying to say "all taylor swift fans are stupid and taylor is evil" or anything i just really disliked this album

[itsbenedict]

ok so im reading through Almost Nowhere and i have Complaints about it's structure and wanted to vent but also not to the point of actually commenting on the thing itself. (its a Well-made story. this all comes from a place of admiration/love for the thing so i didnt want to put it in a public tag)

So after seeing you reblog the ending announcement i started reading it. current spot is chapter xxi, or sylvie vs hector's forces. (is sylvie just a jadesprite expy. is hector just a Dirk/Dave. is that what is going on. ugh it figures. anyway.)

pros: premise fills that timeline bullshit appetite, and has some fascinating evolutions of its timeline and the puzzle therein. the actual setup and climax of the Annes escape story was very exciting, and the notebooks are a fascinating conceit. and the entire story could be summarized as "hey aliens put everyone in mini The Matrix realities and people gotta figure out how to deal with that/escape?" which is a pretty good premise. the Annes were my favorite part.

cons:

due to being about timeline bullshit and specifically miscommunication causing disaster, it also is incredibly hard to parse even when it's trying to be clear. i get the multiple narrator conceit, and i get that Azad is glued to a thesaurus, but it feels like its getting in it's own way way more often than not. Its doing the "im using the more complicated word to sound smart rather than be accurate or communicate my message" thing, and its hard to parse how much of that is purposeful. I found it exhausting after a few hundred pages.

as time loops are a core aspect of the story, most of the characters feel like they have very little actual impact or agency on the plot. they're protagonists as designated, but grant and cordelia do very little of note- where i am now Grant's basically just a guy to get explained at and he got addicted to a sub-reality game for a while. he is important because sylvie is his dog, but beyond pining for Azad and getting things explained to him, Grant doesnt feel like he Does anything

however Grant is still my favorite character because he's the only one who actually says "what the fuck are you talking about, explain it better" which the entire text desperately needs.

its gotten to the point that the text's own coy obfuscation of itself has made me disconnect from caring about the characters- and that's Poisonous.

the story makes its Stakes either too big or too small. its either about a characters self doubts or its about finding a way to escape a reality by killing it's god. but theres very little in-between, or focuses on how one relates to the other. its hard to care when the stakes are too high (unrelateable), and its hard to care when theyre too low for too long (character feels whiny and passive).

its best done in the Annes story- her personal turmoil over her incredibly bizarre circumstances leading to resentment and action- killing her father-god- were united and flowed into each other. usually an escalation of stakes is accompanied by development of character. but beyond the Annes, i feel like there are no characters who have developed. theres no proactivity that feels like itll actually change things. its just characters that have been acted upon (not-entertaining). (and i get that time loop bullshit makes that point hard but its also sapping the enjoyment of reading the overall story itself and needs to be addressed.)

at this point i feel like the plot has become concerned with it's own telling, which is arguably what's actually happening- everything is being written because timeloop bullshit demands it and everyone caught inside is powerless to struggle against it, including the audience- but im not finding it entertaining anymore. I want to care about the characters more, but the text is reinforcing it's own disassociation-themes to the point where its getting unfun to read.

to be fair- i did read up to where i am over the course of two days, which is a Lot to take in at once. even on release this wasnt a story thats binge-friendly and im probably bouncing off of it's weirdness because i havent had time to digest it. However it's fascinating in its setups- in the questions it asks and the puzzles of the world, its just failing to provide characters that match. and maybe it has, and has just been presented deliberately obtusely and i missed the point- (which is an in-text theme! But also I can't explore that theme if the audience's participation is lost so it still is a Bad Thing!) which i would also argue is a Problem, not a success.

anyway anyway Flower that Bloomed Nowhere slaps and its mystery structure serves as a great device to convey the otherwise Intricate worldbuilding (and i like how said worldbuilding is usually introduced only as it has context to a Motive or as a Clue because it makes said worldbuilding feel meaningful which is nice) and im excited to see what happens next hope you have a good day byeeeee

hm- well, uh, i think a pretty good chunk of AN's readership is in my general orbit on here, so you're gonna get roughly the same effect as putting it in the tag, but-

i mean, the thing with AN is that... the main thing you're down on it for is sort of the whole game it's playing. first it introduces a concept in a bizarre, flowery, obfuscatory way that's playing around with language- and then it does that again, and again, from various angles, with different sorts of obfuscation, so you slowly get a picture of the concept through a sort of blind-men-and-the-elephant process. that's the fun of it, that's the game, doing a deep dive on the presentational tomfoolery to try and figure out what's going on before it just tells you.

that's what Grant's there for- he says "what the fuck are you talking about, explain it better", after it's already gone a few rounds of deliberately not explaining it clearly, and given you a chance to chew on it and try and piece it together for yourself. he's the answer key at the end of the puzzle, the way the story signposts "okay, so by this point you should pretty much Get this concept".

if you're just blasting through it to try to absorb the content as directly as possible, i can see the way the story presents itself kind of working against you, yeah. it's not trying to be obtuse for no reason- it's being obtuse because the process of grappling with the obtuse is the main selling point. if you don't like doing that, if it just bugs you when the story won't just say what it wants to say, yeah, it's not gonna be a good fit.

i kind of agree that some of the character arcs seem a little weak- like, i'm not entirely positive what Cordelia's doing here? what the point of her is? and- oh, god, don't tell Cordelia i said that, that's exactly what the poor thing doesn't need to hear.

but i think that's a product of... like, these aren't all supposed to be protagonists of a story. they're primarily lenses into the story, different perspectives on what's happening. they're part of the mechanics of the game, sources of new narration to use as part of the puzzle. grant doesn't really do anything, in-story, sure- but he's extremely active in nailing down concepts.

"the plot has become concerned with it's own telling"- yep. that's what it's doing. it's kind of always been doing that. personally, i like that!

i might have a bias here due to... having been following it on a serial basis for years since chapter 1? like, that's a format that lends itself well to the way the story wants to be engaged with, the slow and meticulous reading that leaves lots of time for contemplation. i'm not sure if i can evaluate how well that all works archivally- whether this is just a matter of differing preferences in how to consume fiction, or if structurally it's somehow encouraging a shallower reading that it doesn't reward as much.

[oswinunknown]

Hi! This is the anon that dropped in a few months ago to share my appreciation for your Mayor Attorney playlist on Spotify! Ever since I sent that ask I've wondered... what made you put the songs on there that you did? In other words, why is each song on there? Feel free to ignore this if you don't want to answer, but I've just been curious for a while about each song's significance on the playlist. Whatever you decide to do, thanks for your time, and have a lovely rest of your day! -💙

💙anon thank you so much for this ask I love explaining my playlists i would love to explain >:3

for the songs, some songs are ones I've heard on other mayor attorney playlists and added them to mine, others are ones ive had little animatics in my head for, and some are just songs with the vibes that remind me of them jsahdsdf, i could go into depth on all the songs but we'd be here forever so ill just go to the more general explanations. it'l be below the cut just bc i accidentally wrote a lot for this asjkhdbaskjd

for the playlist, i tried dividing the songs into roughly three categories: university days, election years, and post-darkness/mirror.

the first section is university days, where it would be songs about crushes, cozy and upbeat songs that make you feel happy and excited, and old songs that had good vibes to them. it was meant to symbolize the vibes and emotions of when damien n the da would have first met. everything is new and exciting, things feel comfortable and okay, and the love is positive and all-around consuming.

the second is election years, which is more for songs that are the same level of pining as university days but more sadder in a sense. this starts around sweater weather i think (these sections arnt hard areas of the playlist, they slowly transition between them but this section i can certainly say where it starts) . this is for the realization between the two that there is a small chance of them being together in this time, whether its because your/the da isn't female identifying at the time or maybe its public eyes making it hard for two people in positions of power to date, either way this is for the realization that they cant be together. they continue being friends and pining, but theres the helplessness of not being able to date, or at least not publicly.

then we get to post-darkness/mirror. it starts off with songs about remembering the past: when i met you, daisy bell, i hear a symphony, always, the night we met. this is directly after the da gets trapped in the mirror, trying to remember the days before everything happened, when they were with the damien they remember. then begins the mirror part, where both the da and dark/damien think about the other. this section is rather loose because its mainly my own hopes that the two still care for each other, losing all the initial anger they had from the party and replaced with a dull hope. its the angst section if you will. its less stronger in explanation because its all depending on what you hope for them. maybe they want to rescue each other still, maybe they gave up and just reminisce about the past with hurt but still caring lens, maybe all they can do is wait it out, maybe they find each other and see what the others become, maybe they still love each other regardless. its loose because thats how markiplier lore is, and its open for interpretation askjhd

and thats the whole playlist i think! kjhaskdjasjkd

[zorbik-guligan]

Not really sure what incongruous means so I'll look it up after but it does feel like as i get older life gets more complex theres more things i understand now that sure i knew about them before but not in great detail but it feels like I've become so fucking complex as a person that if i tried to explain what i actually think and feel it would just overwhelm a person so i try and section myself off into pieces and just use different parts of me with different situations or people and it may just be because ive spent most of my time these past 2 almost 3 years now alone with nothing to do but think and figure myself out that when im asked what i think about something slightly personal its kinda hard to say it just got lost in my head somewhere and that whatever i think will change at a moments notice like i can bring up memories of lots of things and remember nostalgic times but i spent so long thinking about why i feel a certain way or what makes me feel a certain way in order to try and get a better hold of myself that ive kinda forgotten alot of my past like so many memories that i made are just gone because remembering them made me feel a way i dont want to feel like i remember realizing the beginning of 6th grade that i had completely forgotten 5th grade and the reason why was because that time i had was so nice yet not at the same time my brain just frogot because it didn't want a reminder of how good yet not something can be like great teachers who for the first time ever actually seemed to care as far as i could tell class mates who were generally friendly and occasionally checked on me if i seemed off yet i felt so alone cause nobody there really seemed like a real friend like the friends i had before who even when we were in deep trouble wouldn't rat me out and would stick with me who genuinely cared and missed me if i was sick getting older and not having anyone to socialize with for really formative years off my life has made understand those really old dudes who are nice and always up to make friends but just seem extra lonely for some reason despite knowing so many people i guess technically being that alone did hurt me but i kinda learned that im just not alone ever when im outside theres always some squirrels birds or plants nearby that make it more lively its why ive grown so fond of certain forested spots they are always lively and it feels like hanging out with all my friends its also why i enjoy making things like with metal or wood stone or even writing and painting those things feel alive in a way same with music and having time to think so much has made me reflect and realize that no day is the same and even when something changes something else stays the same or gos back to how it was in a weird cycle like growing but remembering where you were growing older for me anyways is like gaining more skills and more knowledge not just on the stuff around me but on myself too obviously people change sometimes pretty quickly too but getting older makes you learn more about yourself which duh that how life works but still it feels weird to be aware of it at 17 when it feels like i should still be trying to figure out my favorite youtuber or something not contemplate who i am as a person and what makes me feel the way i do but its a good kind of weird and theres always more to learn and find so i still have plenty of room to learn more about myself still not being able to really fully let a person know you kinda sucks but to be fair that is a rather special thing its also nice being able to put into words why i feel a certain way so that i can actually explain myself instead of just going quiet cause i dont know myself that well still kinda funny to know your own problems but not be able to jusy fix them when you know its a very deep problem even when it seems surface level and damn i got kinda personal there woops also just noticed that im shaking so might be overwhelmed remembering 5th grade which is probably why i frogot it or at least thought i did

anybody else feel that being human is like being a long-time syndicated cartoon character watching the world get more complex while your own design stays the same until youre incongruous with the reality around you??

[yakdeculture]

Granblue Fantasy Relink Review

Okay guys here's the thing. I don't really play the gatcha game lets get that out of the way. You ask me to post grid I'm getting scared. Idk what means like my weapons? I just log in for free rolls man I've had an account for 6 years and I'm on chapter 19 I don't think I read a damn word of the story. I know the popular women I know there's a stupid little fucking twink guy and there's like 5 of him an sometimes he has brown hair but other times he has white hair and hes likes saber fate stay night but for fujoshis but Idk his name and I don't want to know. All that to say I pretty much have no business playing this game. I bought it because my friend tweeted "theres a milf in relink" and i thought it would be funny to reply to that with a receipt of me buying the game. So yeah I went into this with barely any knowledge at all about this series in terms of what the hell is actually going on.

That said if people were being fr about there being people who think the game's story is bad because it's confusing or doesn't explain enough then I don't get where that's coming from. To be honest I kind of thing that idea was made up because some of y'all are way too fucking bored online and you have to invent discord so you put on your little FBI or CIA cap and you say lets go find some completely random idiot off the side of the street who will literally say anything at all so we can qrt them and act like this is a commonly held opinion. Sorry for the tangent but you know what I mean? Like someone will qrt like the craziest person you've ever fucking seen OR a 15 year old and act like whatever they said was the normal default opinion. Listen no offense but I'm 25 if a kid is wrong on the internet its not my fucking problem and I'm not wasting my time thinking about what they think about anything. Randoms do not exist to me. I have no interest in arguing anything at all with anyone. I am happy to give my analysis on some things if I am asked but I don't just think about this shit unprompted.

Anyways with that out of the way yeah the story is very beginner friendly not at all confusing in pretty much any way and also the gameplay goes fucking hard so yeah this is an awesome game. So every I've written everything I've just said before I beat the game, I'm on chapter 8 right now but I can think without having beat it I know the gameplay is fire I know the story as at the very least understandable and is probably pretty good, I don't know how it ends but I've thought it was pretty good so far. Pretty much the only way you could argue this game expects you to have played the gatcha is in the sense they don't try to spend like too much time building up the relationships between the characters, they pretty much just tell you what they are, show them to you in action with like a cute little dialogue scene before the game really start then its kinda like okay you should get the point we can move on now and I think that's true. Like what the fuck else were they gonna do did you want Granblue Origins. Did you want Granblue Fantasy The Animation The Game as a little intro? Look I would play the first however many chapter of the gatcha story as a game like this who wouldn't but I don't think this game is missing anything that prevents you from enjoying the cast. You get the vibes they pass you the joint and you smoke that shit. It's that simple.

Finished the main story, pretty much my only complaint is they fake like its gonna end like 4 times. Like I got places to be man you can't keep doing this you have to end eventually. But yeah the story was great this game has some fantastic set pieces and fights. I don't know how much of a most game this game has, I imagine it must be a lot because you end the game at like level 50 and you can go up to 100 so there must be more shit to do. I don't know if I'm gonna do all that to be honest idk how much I would get out of it. Not saying I'm gonna immediately uninstall the game or anything but I got what I came for and now I'm not sure how much of what is left to do was designed for me considering I was mostly interested in doing the story and meeting the characters and stuff. But hey great game.

[antvnger]

ok so basically, in logic class we basically have to break down arguments into things like conditionals and biconditionals and also determine whether or not the arguments are valid or invalid using truth tables. its really hard to try to explain the class in words, but its kinda like a weird mix of grammar and math which is funny cuz im not good at either of those subjects but im surprisingly good with this!

bro, astonomy class is so cool! ive always loved learning about the cosmos but i never got a chance to go more in depth with it until now. so far, my fave topic we've discussed was the history of astronomy as well as constellations and how we view the stars moving across the sky, but we just started learning about star life cycles and its very quickly becoming my new fave topic!

ceramics class is a lot of fun! theres a lot of trial and error involved and can get pretty messy if you use a pottery wheel to throw the clay. luckly, theres also handbuilding, which is basically just using either a mold to put flattened clay on so when it starts to harden to a certain point and take the shape of whatever mold you chose, or just using your hands to manipulate the clay to whatever shape you need! plus, it has the added bonus of getting to make all sorts of funky cool textures on it, which i love cuz i adore funky cool textures!

Ohhhhhh logic class sounds pretty cool honestly. I’d love to sit in on a class like that. That would be cool.

And dude, one of my favorite things to do at night, especially on the beach, is trying to pick out constellations. I’ve got an app that points them out in the sky, so that helps. But still it’s really neat.

More power to you for working with ceramics. I don’t know how you guys do it. It looks like fun, but I don’t think anything I could come up with will look like what it’s supposed to look like.

[ashadowofburnedoutstardust]

Random thoughts:

Because typing out the words random thoughts sounds slightly less childish than dear diary

Currently watching another one of my dreams come to fruition IRL yet again. I'm not going to share right now because it's still playing out but it is an interesting experience to have it happen again quite so soon though I'm used to it by now

Will probably share the dream when its done though

Have come to the conclusion that the predictive abilities I use when walking around in the real world possibly could have been used much more effectively, but then looking back I realise that I've always been using them instinctively anyway on a slightly different level to other people which is probably why everyone always found me kind of weird or spooky

I can remember when I was eleven we had a tutor come into class to introduce us to.......some type of graph curve? I don't remember I didn't pay attention in maths

(They kept trying to put me in the special extension math classes with the maths department head teachers, but it was never fun because I was always the only girl)

To create the data set he had us in groups of three; one person was the observer recording the results, one person would be making a guess, and the other would be providing what needed to be guessed at

Two people would sit back to back with cards that were three different colours. The first person would hold up a random coloured card of their own choosing, and the second person sitting back to back with them would try and guess which colour they chose with the third recording the results, each person took a turn at each role

The average correct guess rate across the classroom was about 3 out of ten (mine was 7)

As a result when the tutor went to create the graph using our data my little inclusion created a spike in the middle of his attempt at creating a nice upward curve

He tried explaining that due to the randomness of those guesses we had made that it typically that wouldn't happen......

Everyone kind of just turned around and stared at me lol

I really wish I knew what that thing was called, if theres any maths geeks out there that recognise this please ease my poor brain from wondering

I honestly didn't pay attention in Maths, I did always pass all the tests though which was weird. I somehow still absorbed the necessary information without any actual studying

I always spent most of my time daydreaming at school and staring out the window instead of doing any classwork at all which I would always get told off for, and then past the final test anyway

(I don't know if I've ever really "found my people" while living in this life)

I typically run at a high level of personal efficiency when left to my own devices and can find other peoples inability to maintain the same level frustrating

My ability for efficiency has been a useful tool that I've used to keep on top of things or catch up on things in a short amount of time, but others can also find me frustrating because I go at a faster speed than they do and to explain to them the place that I reached in my brain 5 mins ago, it takes them about half an hour to reach the same place, it makes socialising a bit difficult

To be honest I've never been formally diagnosed but lets face it there are a tonne of potential traits. The odd thing is that because of hyper self awareness I developed my own CBT method early on in life to correct what I didn't like using visual cues. It kind of surprised me when that therapy thing started coming out because I literally thought that's just what it was like inside everyone's brains and that everyone else did it too. Probably a contributing factor as to why I found everyone around a bit, um, less efficient

(Quick shout out to single mothers anywhere and everywhere, I know exactly how fucking hard it is, and you bitches are doing amazing, don't quit, you've got this)

Being a parent definitely taught me a lot of patience in that arena. I realised very early on that she was a little different and would take a bit longer to learn or understand new skills. I had to develop very particular systems to create a particular environment at home that was soothing and safe with a very specific routine. It wasn't until many years later that she was confirmed as HF but I guess a part of me always suspected

Thankfully I was able to utilise my "personal efficiency tool" to keep us above water most of the time, we would have never managed otherwise

When she was at home she was always happy and cheerful and calm, it was when we went out that she did not always quite cope with everything around her

Even trips to the mall required a very specific set of requirements, thankfully the ice cream place or anyone with balloons decorating their store were happy to give a little girl a balloon with their store name on it to wander around with

Given our small income at the time it meant I had to limit the number of trips and be very efficient at having planned ahead with shopping lists and having budgeted for it well in advance as the free balloon meant we also had to buy the expensive ice cream, but she would get her items and then happily walk along playing with her balloon while I carried everything else. When you don't have anyone around to babysit for you while you go do these types of things its an entirely different type of management when you have to account for how the overall experience will affect the person accompanying you as well. It's a lot to have on your mind at all times and not everyone can keep up with that. I suppose that why nearly all of my family members have had to learn a lot very very quickly given her circumstances because despite knowing she was autistic they didn't always adhere to the advice I would give them on what to do, it seems they are finally gaining a level of understanding of what I have been doing for so long and why its been so hard doing it on my own

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

[kenmagoesblep]

For the writer ask meme: 5, 8, 37!

5. Share one of your strengths.

i feel like i got a good grasp on how to convey and evoke certain emotions in my writing as the years went by!! its something i always admired in the fics and books that i enjoyed, and as a big feeler myself, i always wanted to get these feelings across thru what i do as well. it fills me with joy to see when things land gldskhgdslk

8. Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

a part of me feels like this is cheating bc theres a lot of prose in between but i have to be honest and put it down here

“Before you go…” once they’re done with their meal and simply sitting in quietness as the food settles in their stomachs, Giyuu speaks out, reaching for Kyojuro’s hand over the table. “I wanted to talk to you about something. If you let me.”  Giyuu tentatively places his hand over Kyojuro’s fingers, looking at him with purpose . Kyojuro’s hairs stand up at that and his heart — the poor, aching thing — starts running again as he nods vehemently.  That’s the cue for Giyuu to fully hold his hand, get up from the table and gently guide him back to the couch. Oh, that fateful couch. Giyuu lets go of his hand once they get there and sit down, right next to each other.  “I’ve been thinking about… A lot of things lately,” he starts, bowling his hands in a tight fist over his knees and worrying at his lip, initially not looking at anything in particular. “Mostly about us.” Giyuu glances briefly at Kyojuro, letting out a brief sigh before speaking again. “At first, I thought it’d be best to let bygones be bygones and… not keep you waiting for me, when I never felt worthy of your time,” his eyes drift down. “But after what you said to me last time you were here, and… With a little pushing from my family, I decided to look for help.” There’s a pause for deep breaths. Kyojuro didn’t realize he was also holding his breath until now. “I got into some medication and started seeing a therapist. And it’s been… really hard, looking at myself. Or what’s left of me,” he mutters those last words, looking at his own hands like he can see his own broken pieces. “It doesn’t feel much better, but it’s a start.” There’s a pause there that Kyojuro feels like filling with encouraging words, but he doesn’t. Giyuu has more to say, certainly, he just needs some time to recollect his thoughts. He takes a few deep, grounding breaths in silence, tightening his fists so much his joints go white, before looking back at Kyojuro again with a newfound determination.  “Therapy helped me see a lot of things,” he says, voice more certain now. “Some things were ugly, some were not, but mostly… It helped me see that I can only decide what I feel about things and about myself, not what others feel. And I may not understand why you would want to be with me, or feel like I really even deserve it, but… I want that, too.”  There’s another moment of hesitation as Giyuu chews on his lips, cheeks growing pink, as he reaches out for Kyojuro’s hand again and weakly laces their fingers together.  “I love you, still, Kyojuro,” he whispers solemnly. “Would you give me another chance?”

the reason is... kinda personal i guess? its something i havent spoken much in any public platforms but i think its been long enough since i posted this chapter (2021 holy shit?!) and the only person that could possibly be offended by it basically doesnt care abt my existence anymore, so here it goes!

this is an excerpt from my biggest fic to date, which was a collab fic i wrote with a close friend of mine at the time, but i wrote the last chapter on my own. not only did we start having creative disagreements at some point (that i took way too long to voice), but i also fell in love with them, confessed and got rejected, that spelled the end of our collaborative effort since they decided that, when they said "i'll let you take creative lead for the finale" they meant "i'm never touching this fic again, not even with a 7 feet pole".

so i had a lot of complicated and raw feelings abt what had happened between us and the fic, but ultimately i managed to finish the fic on my own thru the sheer power of wishful thinking and projection! this specific scene felt so monumental to me and i'm happy about how it turned out to this day - and ironically glad they never read this part.

37. Talk about your current wips.

oooo i'm so excited!! i havent been writing much the past month or so since getting into a new job (working as a cook is so hectic and tiring istg!! everydays 50/50 either i'm living the dream or i'm questioning my career choices) but i've been working on three akeshuake fics that are bringing me a lot of joy to think abt even in the most tiring days!!

one of them is a silly 4+1 fic where joker gets hit with the rattled ailment (mechanic in game that turns players into rats) on purpose to spend time with akechi

the second one is my ghost hunters AU that i'm writing for the akeshuake AU zine, in which joker is a medium who runs a paranormal investigation channel on youtube and he invites akechi - who makes videos debunking and exposing fake paranormal videos - for a collab

and the last one is a more personal project, exploring akechi's character thru the lens of him being demisexual and developing feelings for joker !!

[casperillion]

i cant post the orignial context because i think op blocked me but thats fine, i just want to air my thoughts and tbh if theyre not looking anymore im happier abt that.

to summarise a little bit of what this is abt, i replied to an article that very much implied that all trans men are loud misogynists, especially towards trans women which is not something i agree with. my reasons for not agreeing with this is very much based on my real world and online experiences of growing up in the queer community with many trans people around me. I stated that i dont think that misogynistic trans men (which look, i know they exist, ive met them) should be considered the majority and on top of that it feels very weird to focus so heavily on that when trans men do not hold a position of power over other trans people, especially not systematically.

to be fair to op i didnt explain this as clearly as i could originally since my first response to the article was very much an emotional response.

anyway op told me the world would be better off without me in it and that i should kill myself, that im a transmisogynist, and that im the reason they hate that theyre trans masc. someone else told them to back off bc while they agreed with op they thought it was a bit fucked up to say that, i responded to them and clarified my points and this person also ended up agreeing with me.

op then messaged me privately with this

okay context done here are my thoughts, i'll try to split this up so its a bit easier to read Original point

so for this one, trans men and our issues are very often erased or only ever brought up as an after thought. I dont feel like i need to explain why erasure is bad but the biggest issue i find with this is lack of resources and lack of coverage or even knowledge about the shit trans men deal with in a cisnormativity society.

this article was rough for me to read because it described every trans man that the writer had met as someone who became a loud misogynist and the conclusion was that all trans men were that way, if not openly then secretly. I know this is not the case because i know many trans men and trans masculine people, many of those men are very passionate supporters of trans women, nb people, and cis women. honestly i think these experiences say more about the person who wrote the article than trans men as a whole.

this attitude is used by TERFs to harass trans men who they see as "traitors" and its where i see this sort of thing most often. its very weird to be this focused on this subject especially without discussing how complex being trans masculine is.

its kinda hard to put everything into words, i'll add on more when i remember it later

To the person who posted the article that is now harassing me

im not gonna name them but looking through thier blog actually... made me really sad. they are the type of people that have fallen victim to this kind of thing. they hate men, and they hate themselves even more for being one.

its so sad to me that they see themself like that, its kinda hard to even know if theres a way i can help them, i want to though. even though they were incredible weird towards me.

digression into them being weird actually bc ive been thinking abt it.

they were very quick to judge who i am as a person without knowing anything about me, made a lot of assumptions that arent true. it felt a lot like projection because like?? idk its wild to doubt that i care about my close friends???? you dont know any of us?? you dont even know what community i come from?? i know trans women from like, actually idk the youngest age but roughly from 20 years old to 40+, most of the trans men i know are in their 20s, and i dont even know what the range for nb people i know is because ive met too many and i stopped keeping track. I've lived with other trans people in person of all genres (idk i dont have a better word) , ive volunteered in places where ive met and helped trans women get back on their feet while experiencing financial hardship. as a teenager i was involved in creating safe spaces for trans and gnc teens in my city to meet each other and hang out. less relevant but ive also be outright told by women im close with that they value my perspective when we have discussions about misogyny, actually that was literally 2 nights ago while we were discussing the best way to create a safe space for women and trans fems. obviously op knows none of this but its wild that they just.. assumed so much and decided that my voice was not important or worth listening to.

[fataleefemmee]

him

waited 6 days... it gets harder and harder, especially when im having a bad day and all i want to do is crawl into bed with him. this time we spoke about it a lot, he opened up a lot about that whole scenario.. its not even real. the more he explains it, the more i realize just how trapped he is and it is sad. he needs to let go, but only he can make that choice. if he wanted to, really wanted to he would. how do you expect me to wait? i can be swept up in a moment, and what if i realize i dont want this? am i putting to many eggs in one basket with him? I feel like no one really knows him the way i know him right now... hes so different, hes a man truly, a powerful one. i just feel so at peace with him, and he does really know how to put me first, he is always putting me first.

i dont know what i want, im craving his attention, im craving him. we just have so much fun, and i truly enjoy every second, theres not a moment when i find myself bored or not enjoying a moment. last night it was our typical intense intimate moment for over an hour, i cant believe how long he lasts. he knows how to please me, he knows i love watching him fuck me in the mirror, especially when he tells me to watch him fuck me. he is so gentle yet so rough with me. i love when hes sweaty, it turns me on 10 times more.

then i lay on his chest and we talk and talk and each time he opens up. i told him the real reason i broke up with my ex, and he was taken aback, he couldnt believe it and i felt a little vulnerable to tell him all of that but i am glad i did because i felt like no one really knows the truth, and i trust him, a lot.

after talking for hours, it was 3:30 a.m. and i wanted him again just as bad as he wanted me. this time i had to fight back saying i love you, and i felt that he was fighting it back too, or im delusional. the way he looks at me in that moment, how close he is to me, the way he kisses me, the way he watches me, what he says to me.... its in those exact moments that i feel like were both holding back those three words, 8 letters, and a whole lot of meaning. is he capable of love, he hasn't been in love in a while, is he in love? am i?

i woke up to his head between my legs, and then shortly after his body between my legs and his lips on my neck. deep, and sensitive.. his first words after his long exhaled sigh, was "good morning." i could wake up like that every morning, as i know he can too. kissing him goodbye knowing i have to pretend like i dont care is hard. i just dont know if i care a lot or not, whats wrong with me.