#there's some part of me that wants to track like 10 different bits at once and make a whole spreadsheet of drawfee bits and what--

[episodes-without-incident]

10/3/2023:

4 episodes since Drawfee last referenced Cats (2019)

0 episodes since Drawfee last referenced Everytime We Touch (2005)

[imaginespazzi]

Part 5: The Answers We Wait For

Masterlist - Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 6 - Part 7 - Part 8 - Part 9 - Part 10 - Part 11 - Part 12

I'd go back in time and change it (but I can't)

(In which a writer's busy schedule somehow still had time for her favorite obsession)

Pairing: Paige Bueckers X Azzi Fudd

Themes: Angst, Pining

Words: 7.0K (it's very on-brand that my busiest week would produce the longest chapter)

TW: Swearing (I think that's it?)

A/N: Happy Monday lovelies :) How I managed to pull this off is between me and God at this point but here we are. I know it's been an interesting day to say the least, so I'm hoping me living up to my promises can be a silver lining. Quick note that I already fucked up the timeline at some point and Paige Olivia have actually been divorced for almost 3 years. I'll change that eventually. I actually didn't even try to really edit this chapter and in the choice between editing tomorrow and giving it to y'all today, I chose the latter. So please help a girl out and point out my typos/mistakes if you spot them and I will also eventually go back and edit. As always, let me know what you liked, what you disliked and anything you'd like to see going forwards. Have a lovely week my loves <3

December 2027

Marriage and weddings had never been at the forefront of Paige’s mind. To be completely honest, for most of her life, there wasn’t much occupying her brain other than the court under her feet and the basketball in her hands. But the couple of times she had let herself picture it, she’d always thought that she’d have a Fall wedding, probably in Minnesota, maybe even on a basketball court. An indoor winter wedding in Texas had never once crossed her mind. She’d imagined vibrant fun bouquets made of pink lilies and purple hydrangeas, not the elegant red and white roses arrangements that were currently being placed along a far too heavily decorated aisle. Instead of vintage wines and carefully constructed fancy cocktails, she’d thought it would be nice to have spiked shirley temples and maybe even blue and white jello shots. She had expected to have a quiet ceremony followed by a vivacious gathering of everyone she loved. It had never even occurred to her that her wedding would become a public spectacle with People's magazine in attendance.  She’d pictured a party, not an event. 

Most of all she’d dreamt of getting married to a girl with dark eyes that could see all of Paige’s flaws and a soft smile that promised she’d love Paige despite them all. 

But the thing about dreams is that they’re fleeting trains that travel through the tracks of your mind when you’re asleep, and when you wake up, reality is nothing but a devastating train crash. 

Paige sighs, forcing herself out of her own head, as she stares at her reflection in the mirror. She looks pretty. Brittany had found her a nice white wedding suit -fitted to perfection- matching it with dainty silver jewelry. Paige normally liked her outfits a little looser but Olivia loved it and Paige likes that Olivia loves it. Her hair is styled in a bun, with two straightened strands to highlight her face. She thinks she might have preferred to have them curled in the front but Olivia had sweetly insisted on them being straight because hers would be curly and they had to complement, not match. Paige doesn’t really understand the difference or the importance but she thinks if Olivia wants it like that then she's fine with it. She thinks the bold red lipstick heavily coating her mouth makes her look a little bit like a vampire out of a badly directed 90’s horror movie but Olivia had said it was necessary so that the lights and cameras didn’t wash her face out. 

Paige looks pretty. She just doesn’t really look like Paige. 

“What do you think Drewski?” she asks, twirling to face her stone-faced brother who’s sitting on the couch, with a bout of enthusiasm that rings hollow to her own ears, “do I look gorgeous or what?”

“You look weird,” Drews says stiffly and Paige sighs. 

“Dr-” Paige is cut off by her younger brother sauntering over. A confused expression spreads over her features as Drew takes her hand and places it on his forehead, “uh- what are you doing?”

“Paigey, doesn't my forehead feel hot? I feel so sick,” the little boy whines, letting out a series of overzealous dramatized coughs. 

“Your forehead feels fine,” Paige says, slowly removing her hand.

“Well of course you’d think that. You’re not a doctor who knows how to feel foreheads correctly. I think we need to go to the hospital to see a real doctor. Like right now,” Drew pulls at Paige’s hand as she begins to catch onto what he’s trying to make happen. 

“You’re fine Drew.”

“I’m NOT. I’m very, very, very sick. So we have to leave right now. I could be contagious. I could be a danger to all these people,” Drew’s animated hands start to fly everywhere, “you can’t get married when your little brother’s sick. It’s- it’s just wrong. Bad juju or something like that. Everybody will understand that you just had to call off the wedding. For family reasons.”

“Drew-” Paige tries again, a hard pit settling in her stomach. 

“Are you worried cause you didn’t bring your car? That’s okay I’m sure Ice or KK will drive us but you can’t get married today Paigey. You just can’t,” his bottom lip trembles as the façade of illness slips and Paige feels her own eyes start to get glossy, “it’s not right Paigey. This is all wrong. She’s all wrong.”

“It’s not like that Drew. You just haven’t gotten to know-”

“I don’t want to know her,” Drew yells, “you don’t even know her. How can you get married to someone you’ve barely dated for a year. How can you do this to Az-”

“That’s enough,” Paige’s voice is eerily calm, as she digs her fingernails into her palm, “watch how you talk to me-”

“You’re being stup-”

“Drew Thomas I am not going to repeat myself again. Behave yourself. You’re not nearly old enough to be questioning what I do with my life,” it takes every inch of self-control Paige has to not let her voice shake. 

Her younger brother’s words feel like acid rain pelting against her already wounded skin. They slip into the gashes, mixing into her bloodstreams to create an army with the battalion of her own thoughts that have been hacking away at her heart for god knows how long. Paige wonders how long it’ll be before she finally bleeds out. 

“Please don’t get married Paigey,” Drew pleads, gripping his sister’s hand, “please.”

There’s nothing but silence as Paige opens and closes her mouth. And she doesn’t know if she’s trying to get words out or breathe air in; all she knows is that Drew might be squeezing her hands, but it feels like someone is strangling her lungs. 

She’s saved from having to say anything by a hesitant knock on the door. As Drew begrudgingly goes to open it, Paige scrambles to put herself back together. She closes her eyes, taking in three deep breaths before-

Drew gasps and Paige’s eyes fly open. With her back turned to the door, she can’t see who it is and something like hope starts to bloom in her chest, vines of maybe it’s her weaving through her ribcage. And as she turns around, they turn to dust; dust that floats up to her eyes and makes them tear up again as she stares dumbfoundedly at the two people standing somewhat awkwardly in her doorway. 

Paige had grown up an independent child. It wasn’t that her parents were neglectful or that they hadn’t loved her enough because they had. But at first it was the constant fighting and then it was the nurturing of a brand new family with new children and Paige had slipped through the cracks of oh she’s so mature we don’t need to worry about her. She had always had her parents as cheerleaders in the stands; no one was prouder of Paige than they were. But no one had bothered to force her to drink terrible tasting immunity boosters. No had patiently dyed her hair purple and pinky promised to like it even if it turned out terrible. No one had yelled at her for being in the gym till one a.m or woken her up at an ungodly hour to run drills. Not until she’d met a girl at 15 and that girl’s parents had decided that Paige was just as much theirs as their own daughter. 

And suddenly there were more people added to her cheering squad for her wins. But that’s not when Paige fell in love with Tim and Katie Fudd. It was when she lost and there was a nagging finger followed by a full breakdown of what she could do better next time and finally, a bear hug promising they’d help her do it. They’d been there every step and she’d sent the invitation, scared they wouldn’t show up, that they wouldn’t be there for this step, a step that inadvertently took her further away from them. But here they are anyway. 

“Hi sweetheart,” Katie says softly, her own eyes moist as she takes in the sight of the bride, “you look- you look absolutely stunning Paige.”

“You came,” Paige whispers, “I didn’t- I didn’t know if you would.”

“Of course we came,” Tim exclaims but his normal boisterous voice doesn’t feel nearly as enthusiastic, “always told you we’d be front and center at your wedding.”

Because I was supposed to marry your daughter; I was supposed to become your daughter, officially. 

“I’m really glad you guys came,” Paige says, letting Katie wrap her into a warm hug. She only gets a second to let herself enjoy it before Drew’s asking a question that makes her stiffen. 

“Where’s Azzi?” 

It’s like there’s lightning wrapped in that one syllable and it strikes right through Paige’s heart, setting every inch of it ablaze with the flames of a name that used to feel like cotton candy on her tongue; now it feels like lava. 

“She couldn’t make it,” Tim says slowly and Paige knows she shouldn’t be surprised, let along disappointed that her ex wasn’t coming but there’s a string that snaps anyways. 

“Why not?” Drew asks petulantly. 

“The baby’s due next month,” Tim tells him gently, “she can’t fly.”

The air feels suffocating at the mention of the baby. She’d been scrolling mindlessly through her tiktok feed when the announcement had popped up. She still has it memorized. 

Golden State Valkyries superstar shooting guard Azzi Fudd announces pregnancy on Instagram; she’ll miss the upcoming WNBA season. 

For a moment the world had stopped as Paige had hurriedly switched apps to instagram. And there it was. A smiling picture of Azzi holding a sonogram. Paige doesn’t know how long she’d stared at the picture but she remembers that it was set against a white background and she remembers that Azzi was wearing a green top. And as she’d typed out a congrats! that blended in seamlessly with all the other felicitating comments on the post, Paige had wondered if Azzi had felt it too. She’d wondered if, when Azzi had left a similar congratulations <3 post on Paige’s engagement announcement, she’d felt something unravel too. She’d wondered if Azzi had felt this hollowness of and i guess this is us signing off on never getting forever with each other. 

“So Azzi’s not going to stop this wedding?” Drew’s voice is dangerously even as he rounds on Paige, “and you’re really going through with this?”

“Drew please” Paige says tiredly as Katie runs a soothing hand down her back. 

“You’re stupid. And she’s stupid. You’re all so freaking stupid,” Drew bursts out, stomping past the adults in the doorway, his anger palpable in every single word. 

“I got it,” Tim says, wrapping a wrist around Paige’s hand as she moves to follow her younger brother. He squeezes gently, a half-hearted smile on his face, “it’s gonna be okay kid. It always is.”

Paige wishes she could just believe him, turn off the voices in her head and just be a kid who could take an adult’s word as gospel. But Paige is the adult now and believing no longer comes so naturally. 

“Hey,” Katie says after Tim runs after Drew, pulling Paige to sit with her on the couch, “I have a little wedding gift for you.

“Katie you don’t have-” Paige begins, watching as the older woman pulls out a velvet box from her bag, placing her phone on the table next to her. 

“Oh hush. I told you I’d give this to you,” Katie chides as she hands the velvet box. Paige’s eyes glisten as she opens it to find a familiar purple amethyst necklace. She’s flooded with the vivid image of her and Azzi on a random day in lockdown helping Katie organize her minimal jewelry. Paige had fallen in love with this necklace and Azzi had her eyes set on a pink topaz. It was fitting to say the least and Katie had promised them, with a glint in her eyes, that she’d give it to them as their something old on their wedding day. They’d been in between something and everything but Paige and Azzi had shared a shy smile over it anyways. 

“I can’t accept this,” Paige shakes her head trying to hand the box back but Katie dodges it expertly. 

“Yes you can. It’s basically a family heirloom and you, Paige Bueckers, are family,” Katie says firmly. 

“Katie-”

The older woman presses a kiss to Paige’s forehead as she starts to head out, “you’re always gonna be family Paige. Always.”

Katie’s words act like a band-aid but they’re not enough- maybe nothing will be enough- to fully heal the wound of today i was supposed to officially become a Fudd. 

A ringing noise interrupts Paige’s pity party and she starts half-heartedly digging around for her phone. She’s confused when she finds it because no one’s calling her and the room is still vibrating with noise. Crinkling her eyebrows, Paige’s eyes finally land on the couch side table, where Katie’s phone, clearly forgotten, is buzzing. 

Azzi’s CallerID flashes on the screen. 

Paige stares at the phone, rooted in place. She knows she shouldn’t pick it up, knows she should go return it. Still without a decision, Paige slowly starts to reach for it. And then it stops ringing and Paige goes still again, unsure if she’s relieved or disappointed. Swallowing, she takes another step. The phone rings again. A myriad of thoughts dance through Paige’s mind, opposing thoughts clashing with each other and making her head hurt. She lies to herself that it’s out of concern; that Azzi’s pregnant and this could be important. She lies to herself as she hits the green answer button that it’s not because she’s desperate to hear Azzi’s voice. 

“Mom?” Azzi sounds distraught when she picks up but Paige thinks it’s still her favorite sound any way, “Mom? I think I did something wrong. I can’t do this Mom. You’ve been gone a day and I’ve already fucked up. I don’t know what and I don’t know when but I think I fucked up. Maybe I ate something I wasn’t supposed to. Maybe it’s because I lay on my back instead of my side but Mom she hasn’t kicked all day and I can’t get Dr. Myers on the phone and I-”

“It’s a girl?” Paige breathes out. And suddenly she’s 22, sitting in a UConn apartment living room, grinning foolishly as Jana points out an AI picture that looks like the perfect mixture of her and Azzi. Azzi, who’s having a daughter. 

The woman in question is quiet and for a second Paige thinks that Azzi might hang up. 

“It’s a girl Paige,” Azzi says finally. 

“Are you- are you okay?” Paige asks slowly, trying not to dwell on how much she’s missed the way Azzi says her name. It’s been Bueckers every time they’ve seen each other this year and she’s never hated the sound of her last name more. 

“Yeah, I just-” Azzi sighs, her voice still a little frazzled, “I’m just being paranoid cause my Mom’s not here and my doctor’s not answering and the stupid baby hasn’t kicked all day,” she pauses, “sorry. I-I don’t mean to dump on you. Not today at least.”

“Az-”

“Where’s my Mom?”

“She- she’s probably outside. Think she left her phone here by accident. I can go find her but can I-” Paige hesitates, chewing at her lips in a way she knows Olivia hates, “can I help?”

“I don’t think-”

Paige shocks herself with her next words, “put the phone to your stomach.”

“What? Paige, did you hit your head in the last two seconds or something?”

“Just- just trust me,” she’s not really sure what she’s saying but now that she’s said, might as well commit to the bit, “I’mma talk sense into her. I saw it in a movie.”

“You saw it in a-” Azzi sighs and Paige can practically picture her rolling her eyes.  “I don’t know who’s more insane. You for coming up with the idea or me because I’mma follow through it,” there’s a bunch of static noise on the other side as Azzi adjusts herself, putting the phone on speaker and pressing it to her belly, “alright Dr. Bueckers work your magic.”

Paige is nervous as she speaks, “hey there little bean. I’m your-” she stops because what is she, “I’m your Paige,” she decides softly, “and I think- I think you should stop stressing your Mama out. She’s a bit of an overthinker so if you could just help her out, I think she’d really appreciate it. Because if- if you don’t she isn’t gonna be able to sleep tonight and you don’t know this yet but when your Mama doesn’t get sleep, she’s kind of a bi-”

“Paige,” Azzi hisses.

“Big baby,” Paige corrects, “she’s a big baby. And then she cries and it’s not a pretty sight-”

“Hey!”

“Sshhh Azzi I’m working my magic,” Paige scolds, “where was I? Oh yeah. She cries and it’s not a pretty sight because,’ her voice softens, “seeing your Mama cry is the worst thing in the world. I hate it and I know- I know you’re gonna hate it too because when you finally come out little bean, the first thing you’re gonna see is your Mama’s smile. And you’re gonna think it’s the most beautiful thing in the world. Just like I do,” a sob escapes on the other end of the line and Paige feels tears start to cascade down her own cheeks, “come on little bean, give us a little kick. Make your Mama smile.”

Time ticks by slowly and Paige closes her eyes, thinking maybe her desperate attempt to keep Azzi on the line had failed miserably. And then Azzi gasps, “she kicked. Oh my god Paige she kicked.”

Paige’s grin stretches her whole face and for a second it almost feels like she’s right there with Azzi, that instead of her ear being pressed to a phone, it’s pressed to Azzi’s belly. For a second she almost feels like she can feel the baby kicking. And then she opens her eyes. 

“Did it make you smile?” 

“Yeah, yeah it did,” Azzi admits and Paige can hear the relief in her voice. 

“I’m glad- I’m glad you have something that makes you smile.”

“Do you?” Azzi sucks in a sharp breath, “do you have someone that makes you smile?”

“Yeah, yeah I do,” and it’s not a complete lie. Olivia does make Paige smile. And maybe it’s not quite as big or bright or real but at least Olivia’s here to try. 

“Good. I-I’m also really glad you have that.”

“You are?”

“Of course I am Paige,” Azzi says quietly, “I want you to smile. I just- I just want you to be happy. Are you happy Paige?”

“I’m getting married today,” Paige says in lieu of an answer and she can hear Azzi’s breath hitch. 

“That doesn’t answer my question.”

“It’s not that simple.”

“It is. It’s a yes or no question,” Azzi presses.

“Then you answer it Azzi,” Paige bites out, “are you happy?”

“I”m-,” the younger girl lets out a sigh, “I’m content.”

Her answer makes Paige’s skin itch with irritation and she can’t stop it from seeping into her next question, “so you have no regrets then?”

“I didn’t say that,” there’s a warning edge to Azzi’s voice. 

“Do you or do you not regret saying no to marrying me Azzi?” Paige asks, unable to hold it in any longer. 

“Paige-”

“What? You gonna say it’s not that simple? It’s a yes or no question Azzi,” Paige mocks. 

“That’s not it-”

“Then what is?”

“You’re getting married Paige,” Azzi yells, “you’re getting married,” she repeats again, softer this time, “to someone else. And so it doesn’t matter how I feel. It isn’t fair of you to ask and it wouldn’t- it wouldn’t be fair of me to answer. Not today. Maybe one day- one day it'll be the right time but not today.”

“And what if it’s never the right time?” 

“Then maybe it’s a question you were never meant to know the answer to.”

There’s something final in the quietness that follows, like they’re having a moment of silence at a funeral for what never even got to be. 

It’s Azzi who speaks first. 

“You’re gonna be a wonderful wife P.”

“You’re gonna be an amazing mom Az.”

They let it left unsaid that they were supposed to be wives to each other, that they were supposed to be moms together. 

***

March 2033 

Paige doesn’t know how long she stands outside, staring down the winding road that had taken Stephie and Azzi away from her. The neighborhood is slowly waking up and if the woman across the street opens her curtains and thinks it’s a little strange that her new neighbor is standing like a statue on her front porch, she only raises a slight eyebrow before going back to her day. It takes almost twenty minutes before her head finally convinces her heart that no matter how much she stands outside, they’re not coming back. 

There’s a part of her that can admit that maybe Azzi had a point and maybe she shouldn’t have asked her to stay over last night. But Paige has never been known for her common sense, especially not when it comes to Azzi. Because truth be told, asking Azzi to stay the night was perhaps the least ridiculous of the thoughts that had invaded her mind last night. It was easy- too easy- to fall right back into whatever with Azzi. She’d done a good job pretending that the nightly facetime calls had been for Stephie’s benefit but the truth is that they had become just as much a necessity for Paige. She’d fallen asleep with a smile on her face every night and the temptation to have that in person last night had been too hard to resist. And so she hadn’t. 

She makes it about three steps up the stairs, when the fort still set up in the living room catches her eye. And that’s when the first tear falls, and then the second and then the third until she thinks if she tried to swim in them, she’d probably drown. Paige abandons the idea of going up to her room and crawls back into the tent made of blankets. And she must be going insane because she swears she can still smell the faint scent of a toddler and Azzi’s lavender perfume on the pillow she cradles to her chest. It’s ridiculous to be so attached already. She knows that. Stephie isn’t hers but it feels like the little girl has crept underneath her skin, burrowing herself in a part of Paige’s heart that the blond didn’t even know was there. And Azzi- well no matter how long it’s been, no matter how much resentment Paige has held, the truth is that there’s a little patch of Paige’s soul  that will always belong to the younger woman. 

Paige barely registers herself falling asleep until there’s abrupt knocking on her door and she realizes she’s been cocooned in the fort for almost three hours. She hesitantly lets go of the pillow, groggily walking towards the door. It’s useless to pretend that she isn’t hoping it’s Azzi and Stephie on the other side, isn’t hoping that Azzi had realized her mistake, isn’t hoping to scoop both of them into her arms and fill the hollowness that’s been thrumming against her ribcage. God Paige has barely survived a month -a day if she’s completely honest- she doesn’t know how she’s going to survive this whole season. 

She crosses her fingers behind her back as she opens the door. 

“Hey,” Katie’s smiling face looks back at her, holding up a tray of coffee and a bag of something, “figured you haven’t eaten breakfast yet?”

Paige blinks stupidly as Katie lets herself in, moving through Paige’s house with ease and immediately locating the kitchen. She hands Paige a cup of coffee before ransacking through the bag and pulling out a glazed donut, “eat. I know you haven’t.”

“Does Azzi know you’re here?” Paige asks slowly before taking a bite out of her donut. 

Katie gives her pointed look, “who do you think gave me your address?”

“Is she- is she okay?” 

“You two are something you know,” Katie shakes her head, “you’re asking me if she’s okay and she sent me over here to make sure that you were okay.”

Paige feels her heart swell with after all this time, “she sent you?”

“I have breakfast with Azzi and Stephie every Sunday morning. Now imagine my surprise when I get there today and my oh so sweet and wonderful granddaughter isn’t talking to her mother. And so I forced the story out of Azzi and I barely understood a word she was saying through her tears-”

“She was crying?” Paige feels her lungs constrict. 

Katie shoots her an unimpressed look, “can I finish the story?”

“I don’t like this story. It has Azzi crying.”

“Yeah well the two of you seem to enjoy doing that to each other,” Katie cocks an unamused eyebrow and Paige flinches at the truth of it, “anyways I didn’t understand much of it but she was clear by the end. Seemed to think you needed someone, needed me and so here I am Paige.”

“Why is your daughter like this?” Paige demands, “how is she gonna make me cry and then send somebody else to wipe my tears.”

“Well I can leave-”

“Why couldn’t she just have stayed?” the blonde questions, “why does she always have to overthink things and make it more complicated? Why can’t she just listen to her heart once in her fucking life? Why can’t she just let herself live? Why is it always no with her and never just yes?”

Katie gives Paige a sad smile, reaching for her hand, “that’s why.”

“Please don’t speak in riddles. It’s 10 a.m and I’m sad,” Paige whines. She might be in her early thirties but there’s something about Katie Fudd that makes Paige feel like it’s okay to be a bit of a child.

“Why is it always no with her and never yes?” Katie repeats, “c’mon Paige you know that’s not about last night.”

“It is,” Paige argues stubbornly. 

“It’s not,” Katie says, gently squeezing Paige’s hand, “it’s about her saying no 8 years ago.”

“I’m ov-” Paige stops, withering under Katie’s glare, “okay maybe it’s a little bit about her saying no 8 years ago. But I’m allowed to still be upset about it. She broke my heart. I wanted forever and she walked away. I’m allowed to be mad about that.”

“Of course you’re allowed to be mad Paige but that’s exactly why Azzi had to go this morning. And it’s exactly why you shouldn’t have asked her to stay last night. You guys can’t just pretend none of it happened because it did. You’re still hurt Paige and ignoring that is gonna get you guys nowhere. Especially with Stephie involved.”

“So what are you saying? You’re saying me and Azzi should just be teammates? You’re saying I should just never see Stephie again,” even the thought of it makes Paige feel like she is laying down on a bed of thorns. 

“You’re so goddamn dramatic Bueckers,” Katie rolls her eyes, “I’m not saying any of that. I’m saying maybe you just need to take it slower, with both of them, instead of having a goddamn sleepover the literal first night you’re in the same city. Besides,” Katie gives her a knowing smirk, “my granddaughter is obsessed with her Miss Buecks. Pretty sure she’d find a way to see you again no matter what.”

“Good,” Paige lets out her first smile of the day, “because I’d find a way to see her again too. She just- she’s kinda great isn’t she? Azzi did a good job with that one. She’s- she’s perfect,” she looks at Katie who’s regarding Paige with a thoughtful expression, “what? Do I have donut glaze on my face?”

“No, no it just- I’ve seen that expression before.”

“What expression?”

“The one you just had on your face while talking about Stephie,” Katie laughs to herself, “it’s the same one Tim had when he first met Azzi.”

***

“Oh my god. It’s Paige Bueckers. Can I have your autograph?” Steph Curry winks at Paige as she walks into his office. The Golden State legend had started an after-school basketball camp for kids in the Bay Area and as soon as he’d heard the news of Paige coming over to the Valkyries, he’d messaged her if she’d be interested in helping him out in the off-season. Paige had been more than willing to be a part of it, always invested in giving back to her community. If she’d been excited by the idea before though, today, after the worst sleep of her night as she tossed and turned to the hopeless depression of not having spoken to Stephie and Azzi for far too long, Paige really needed this distraction. 

“Don’t think you can afford my autograph,” Paige smirks lazily as she basically droops into the seat opposite him. 

Steph laughs goodnaturedly, “welcome to the Bay Area kid.”

“I’m a little old to be called a kid don’t you think? I’m nearly 25,” Paige grins, wiggling her eyebrows.. 

Steph shakes his head, “nah you’re always gonna be a kid to me. You and Azzi both,” he chuckles to himself, “even though Azzi’s got her own kid now. Have you met her?”

Well that distraction lasted 30 seconds, Paige thinks to herself as she forces a smile onto her face, “yeah. I’ve seen her around.”

“She’s cute as hell right? And she knows it. Little miss bossy pants has everyone wrapped around her fingers. Kinda reminds me of Riley,” there’s a goofy expression as Steph thinks of his daughter and Paige wonders if the same one is reflected on her face as she thinks about Stephie, “and she’s a natural at basketball. Only five and her shot’s already pretty good. You’ll see it today when she comes to camp. And she’s pretty good at defense-”

“I’m sorry what?” Paige blinks rapidly. 

“I know. What defense can a 5 year old play but it’s just the way she moves you know?” Steph tries to explain and Paige shakes her head. 

“Not that. Stephie- Stephie’s coming to camp?”

Steph grins large and proud, “of course she is. She was the first camper I signed.”

“Right,” Paige nods, giving the man in front of her a tight smile, “can you- can you excuse me for one second.”

As soon as Paige is outside of Steph’s earshot, she’s calling Katie; Katie who had sat at her kitchen counter yesterday and listened with a smile as Paige told her all about Steph’s camp. Katie who hadn’t said one word about Stephie being a part of said camp. Katie who was maybe grinning just a little too hard at the idea. 

“Did you know Stephie goes to Curry Camp?” Paige asks as soon as the line connects. 

“Hi Katie. Hi Paige. How was your day? Oh mine was good Paige, thanks for asking, how was yours?” Katie replies sarcastically. 

“Katie,” Paige groans. 

“Did I know that my granddaughter goes to her godfather’s special camp for the sport that her mother plays and she’s obsessed with?” Katie says slowly and Paige can tell she’s holding back a laugh, “nope, didn’t have a clue. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“And ruin the surprise?”

“What happened to telling me to take things slow?” Paige hisses. 

“Well if I left the two of you two to your own devices y’all wouldn’t go slow, you wouldn’t even move at all,” Katie defends. 

“So you’re meddling?”

“I am not,” Katie protests, “you were always gonna help with the camp and Stephie’s already been going to the camp. I just didn’t let you stress out about it. Really you should be thanking me.”

“Thank you Katie,” Paige bites out mockingly. 

“You’re so very welcome Paige,” Katie sing-songs, “by the way, come over for dinner soon okay sweetheart. Love you honey. See you later darling.”

She hangs up before Paige can say anything and the blonde saunters back into Steph’s office, trying to corral her facial expression into something more neutral. 

“All good?” Steph asks. 

“Just peachy,” Paige hums in response, “we gonna head over to the court soon? It’s almost 4.”

Steph nods, “yeah they’ll be done setting up for us. Azzi usually brings Stephie to say hi to me right before cause no favoritism in front of the other kids you know? But maybe she’s running la- oh no wait there they are!”

Paige freezes, heartbeat erratic, as Steph walks to the door in anticipation. 

“UNCLE TWIN,” Stephie screams and something in Paige’s heart starts to fix itself at the sound of the younger girl’s voice. She’s scared to turn around, unsure if she’s more scared to realize it’s a dream or find out that it’s reality. 

“TWIN NIECE,” Steph yells back with equal vigor and Paige can hear Azzi’s laugh now too, each giggle acting like a needle, stitching up the parts of Paige that had felt broken since yesterday morning. She turns around deliberately slowly. Stephie is cradled in Steph’s arms and Azzi’s watching them with a fond smile. And it’s ridiculous to be jealous of a happily married man who’s practically Azzi’s brother if not her uncle, but the sense of that should be me, weighs heavily on Paige’s lungs anyways. 

It’s Azzi who sees her first, smile slowly fading as dark brown eyes clash with light blue ones. 

“Paige,” she whispers softly and there’s a multitude of undecipherable emotions wrapped in that one syllable and Paige thinks she could spend forever just trying to uncover them. 

Stephie’s ear perks up at the mention of Paige’s name as her own little eyes finally land on the blonde, shuffling her feet nervously in the corner. Her bottom lip trembles, eyes watering as she forces herself down from Steph’s lap, racing to Paige. It’s instinct the way Paige falls to her knees, ready to catch the bundle of limps that practically falls into her waiting arms. 

“Miss Buecks,” Stephie whimpers, “I missed you so much.”

Paige’s own eyes water as she buries her face in Stephie’s hair, “me too sweetheart. I missed you so, so, so much.”

In front of them, Steph looks beyond confused as to what's happening and Azzi’s determinedly looking away, even if there’s a lone tear waterfalling down her left cheek. 

“I couldn’t sleep last night,” Stephie confesses, voice choked up as she tightens her grip on Paige’s neck, “and I begged and I begged Mama to let me call you but she said you were busy. And then I yelled at Mama and it made Mama cry too and I hate making Mama cry.”

“I know. I know sweetheart,” Paige soothes softly, running her hands down Stephie’s back as the little girl continues to babble. They stay like that for a long time and Paige thinks if she could ask the world for one thing that doesn’t belong to her, she’d ask for Stephie. 

Finally Steph coughs, looking apprehensively between the three girls in the room, “so um- I take it you’ve more than just seen Stephie around then Paige?”

Paige lets out a watery laugh, finally letting Stephie go and turning around but still keeping a hand on Stephie’s shoulder, “yeah I guess that’s true.”

“What are you doing here Miss Buecks,” Stephie asks, looking up at Paige. 

“I’m uh- well Mr. Steph-”

“Uncle Twin,” Stephie corrects immediately and Paige can’t help but grin at the nickname. 

“Right. Uncle Twin asked me to be a coach at his camp and I agreed,” Paige explains, trying to catch Azzi’s eyes but the shooting guard seems determined to focus on a picture of Steph and Ayesha on the wall instead. 

“You’re gonna be my coach,” Stephie squeals, turning around to hug Paige’s knees, “this is the best news of my life.”

Paige feels her heart soar into a sky of you’re the best new of my life Stephie as she bends down to kiss Stephie forehead, “let’s see if you say that when I make you run laps after you miss a shot.”

“You wouldn’t?” Stephie says, looking horrified at the idea. 

“I totally would,” Paige teases. 

Stephie is quiet for a second before a proud smirk blooms on her lips, “that’s okay ‘cause I don’t miss. I’m Azzi Fudd’s daughter. Right Mama?”

“Right baby,” Azzi says, finally letting herself meet Paige’s gaze. 

“Well Miss-I-Don’t-Miss, how about you walk over to the court and show us how you don’t miss,” Steph teases. 

Stephie waddles out of Paige’s grip and holds her arms up at Steph, a saccharine smile on her face,“I can’t be tired if I don’t wanna miss Uncle Twin, so can you please carry me over there?”

Steph rolls his eyes but it doesn’t stop him from hoisting Stephie onto his shoulders, “alright your highness, let’s go.”

Stephie’s giggles echoe down the hall as Steph runs towards the courts and Paige can’t help the fond laugh that escapes her. 

“She gets that from you, you know,” Paige says softly to Azzi. 

“Gets what?”

“Being a princess who gets everything she wants.”

“Not everything,” Azzi says wistfully, “not everything I want.”

She moves to start following but Paige wraps a hand around her wrist, “I didn’t know Stephie was a part of Curry Camp. I swear I- I didn’t do this on purpose.”

Azzi sighs, “I know. I know you wouldn’t Paige.”

“And I- I wanted to thank you for sending your Mom yesterday. I really- I really did need it even if I didn’t know it,” Paige’s thumb subconsciously rubs against Azzi’s skin, “but you- you always seem to know what I need.”

Azzi rips her hand out from Paige's grip, “you’re doing it again.”

“I’m not-”

“Yes you are. You keep saying things like that- things you shouldn’t say- things I can’t just listen to and be okay,” Azzi brushes her hand against her face, “I know the way I left yesterday was wrong and maybe I was projecting,” she admits in a whisper, “but you just- you make me feel too fucking much. And it's too quick and it’s scares me.”

“Scares you?” Paige scoffs, “I’m not the one who broke your heart Azzi.”

“You don’t think I know that? You don’t think I’ve lived with that guilt for the last 8 years? Jesus fucking christ Paige. I’m not scared of you. I’m scared of me,” tears stream down Azzi’s face as she paces the room, “I have never heard Stephie cry so fucking much in my life Paige. And you know who did that to her? Me, I did that. Apparently I’m really fucking good at making people cry but I don’t want to. I don’t want to break her heart, I don’t want to break your heart and I don’t want to break my own heart. Not again.”

“Azzi-”

“And so I’m stopping it before it happens. Before I ruin it again.”

Azzi tries to leave again but Paige is faster, wrapping her arms around the younger woman’s waist and pulling her flush against her chest so she can’t escape. It’s a terrible idea because now all of her senses are consumed by Azzi as they both become acutely aware of how close they are now. 

“Paige,” Azzi whispers weakly, one hand pressed right against Paige’s heart, “let me go.”

“I think today’s the right time,” Paige says softly, hands grazing Azzi’s waist, “I asked you a question once and you said one day, when the time was right, you’d give me an answer. It’s the right time.”

“I don’t think so-”

“Azzi please,” Paige begs, “do you regret saying no?”

“Paige let me go,” Azzi wriggles against her grip but it only makes Paige tighten her hold. 

“It’s a simple yes or no question.’

“Stephie’s probably wondering where we are-”

“Then answer the damn question and we can go to her-”

“Paige please.”

“Answer the fucking question Azzi.”

“What do you want me to say?” Azzi bursts out finally, “you want me to say that I’ve never regretted anything more in my life? You want me to say the minute I said no, I wanted to rip out my tongue? You want me to say that I almost called you several times in the last decade to tell you how stupid I was? You want me to say that I flew to Dallas once to tell you that I fucked up but then I saw you with Olivia and decided you deserved better than me-”

“What?”  Paige feels the air being snatched from her lungs. 

“The answer to your stupid fucking question,” Azzi’s voice breaks, “is yes. Yes I regret saying no to you Paige. But it doesn’t matter. Because I said no and you found someone else who’d say yes and now it’s too late.”

And Paige thinks that Katie was probably right, that she should probably take things slow. But when it comes to Azzi Fudd, Paige Bueckers has never been one to do what she should. 

“It’s never too late for us,” Paige whispers before crashing her lips against the woman, who’s always been the reason for her biggest, brightest, most real smile.

[loubouskz]

could you do a chan ff where y/n asks him to read a couple chapters of the book they’re reading but the reader asks bc the book has smut in it and then chan reads it and gets all 😉

reading can be fun

bang chan x reader

description: reader gets turned on by chan's reading and they have a lil fun haha

warning: cute nicknames(like baby and sweets, I used 'my girl' once, couldnt figure out a different name to put, other than that its pretty neutral), SMUT!, reading smut, the smallest bit of thigh riding, some foreplay, dirty talk, unprotected sex, creampie, chan may have a slight breeding kink but it's not mentioned, reader loves chan's dick...I think that's all, let me know if I missed anything.

wc: 2.0k(not proof-read)

a/n: ofc I can and thank you for requesting!! I had some much fun writing this! and I'm sorry this took so long to post. my laptop is finally kicking the bucket so I have to type everything on my phone(on the days where I can't get my computer to work.)so it's taking a bit longer than I like but i hope you enjoy this and I did your request justice!🥰

--------

after a long day of catching up with doing chores around my apartment, I finally had time to myself. to sit down and read the book my friend lent me. they said it was really good and that I should try to read something that wasn't my usual genre that I love. they basically begged me…for two weeks straight before I finally agreed to read it. I made a cup of tea and sat down on the couch with the book in hand. I brought my legs up to sit somewhat under my butt and got comfy. grabbing the throw blanket from the top of the couch and laying it across my lower body. I took a sip of my tea before opening the book.

i was on the eighth chapter when I heard chan enter my apartment with the key I had given him. I heard him take off his shoes and jacket before entering the living room. I turned my head and met eyes with the person I loved most. his dimpled smile brightened up when he saw me.

"hey baby!" chan said, as he made his way to me. "hi!" I said back, tilting my head up to follow his eyes. chan kissed the top of my head and maneuvered his way to sit next to me. "how was your day?" he asked, grabbing my legs and laying them across his lap. "a bit long, but that was because of the chores I had to do around my apartment. now I'm relaxing, what about you, channie?" I said. "ahh, tiring but worth it- like always. changbin, jisung and I are working on a new track and it's coming along nicely." chan said, absent mindlessly caressing my legs. 

"but I'm also happy I got the rest of the day off and get to spend some time with you." he said, leaning over and giving me a kiss. I smiled into it, making him giggle. "so, what are we reading?" he asked, snuggling closer to me. I told him the name of the book, "it's the book my friend has been wanting me to read for a hot minute now." I said, showing him the cover of the book. "nice! what is it about?" he asked. "it's a fantasy/sci-fi romance novel set in space. it's about this girl falling in love with a crew member from another ship that they've been on a race with- without knowing whom…" I told him what the book was about and caught him up to the part I was at.

"wow, i might have to read it after you, it sounds really good." chan said. "you wanna read a few chapters to me?" i asked shyly. "sure." he said with a big smile on my face. i handed over the book to chan. knowing what was coming up next in one of the chapters my friend had told me about. "are you sure?" I aksed before getting comfy, to which he nodded too. once we were both comfy, he began to read where I had stopped.

we were now on chapter 10, and the two main characters were sitting next to a window and talking about what they were.

he looked back out the window. minutes passed, and he still hasn't said a word. she sighed and stood up. "this was stupid. to think, for once, you would talk to me about what's going on inside your head. but no." she said. as she turned her back to him, he finally said something.

"what is this lee?" she said. he tilted his head. "what do you mean?" he asked. "I mean like all the nights we've spent up here. you listening to all the thoughts in my head and answering them aloud. even when i think you can't hear them. the long talks and banters. all the secret glances. what is this? what is this to you?" she said as the words fumbled out. her heart racing, like it was going to explode. 

"if you want me to say I feel the same way about you, just know I do, but nothing more can come from this." he said, almost too quietly for her to hear. she could feel the tears start to build up. "and why is that lee?" she asked, not turning around. "because you have to leave. you have to stay with your brother. you can't be with me." he, again, said quietly. she turned around and walked up to him. 'look at me' she said in her head. "stop it. just go back to your room." he said. 'please look at me. I wanna love you.' she said. lee hissed in a breath of air. "we can't." he answered again.

'then love me for one night. this night. my last and only night with you.' he snapped his head to her, with an unfamiliar look in his eyes. he looked at her for a couple of seconds before making up his mind. he shot up from his seat and placed his lips onto hers. quickly…."

"okay! I think that's enough for tonight, channie." I said, grabbing the book out of his hand and closing it. i felt my cheeks starting to heat up. "what no, let's continue!" he said. I pretended to yawn and placed the book down on the table. "let's go eat something and go to bed channie." I said, flipping the blanket off and hopping off the couch. I made my way into the kitchen, opening up the fridge.

I heard chan's footsteps making their way to me. I called out to see if he wanted one of two options I offered to make, but he didn't answer.

"he shot up from his seat and placed his lips onto hers. quickly grabbing hold of her waist tightly, like she would slip away if he didn’t, making her moan into the heated kiss. her hands threaded his hair, pulling at it slightly.

"fuck." he whispered out, breaking the kiss. she started kissing down his jaw, finding his sweet spot. though they were in a hidden spot. lee didn't want to be caught. he grabbed her hand and pulled her to his room. once in the safety behind the closed door. he pushed her against it, one of his legs slotting between her legs. right where she wanted him most."

chan stopped reading aloud after that. i peeked my head up from the fridge and saw his eyes scanning the page. hearing him say that part of the story out loud, made my knees go weak. the way he was saying the words creating an uncomfortable wetness between my thighs. chan's eyes left the book and made their way to me.

"you want me to continue?" he asked with a slight smirk on his face. I shook my head no and closed the fridge door. I need to calm down. I tried to walk out of the kitchen and pass chan. he quickly dropped the book on the counter and grabbed my hips. "where are you running off to baby?" chan asked, pressing me against the counter. "no where." I said confidently. he chuckled at my answer. "really? because I think my girl was starting to get all hot, flustered, and bothered from the book i was reading out loud to her before i even got to the good part." chan said as he leaned in.

"am I right, baby?" he asked in a lower octave. I whimpered out as I felt him push my legs apart with his. one of his hands slowly made their way into my sweats and past my underwear. "answer me sweets." chan said, cupping my sex. he and I both knew the answer, but he wouldn't continue if I didn't say the word. "yes." I said quietly. he hummed at my answer, slowly pushing two of his fingers past my folds and curling them up inside. my eyes fluttered closed at the feeling, moaning lightly.

chan groaned, "god, you're so wet baby." I held onto his arm that was in my sweats as he quickened the pace. chan started leaving open mouth kisses on my neck, sucking sweetly on the spot that made me clench around his fingers. "channie, please." I said as I started to ride his fingers. "what do you need baby?" chan whispered in my ear, nibbling on my lobe. "I want more." I said. I grabbed him through his pants and felt how hard he was. chan removed his fingers, quickly tasting them before grabbing me behind my thighs. lifting me up and walking back over to the couch.

"oh fuck. don't talk like that y/n." chan said, grabbing my hands and holding them above my head. one hand on my wrists and the other guiding his dick into my cunt. slowly filling me inch by inch, I closed my eyes at the feeling. 

he laid me down, caging me in. clothes coming off fast, feeling up each other. chan grabbed his wallet as I stroked his dick. "fuck baby, I don't have a condom on me." he said, throwing his wallet onto the coffee table. "I wouldn't be the first time fucking me raw." I said, squeezing him. chan shuddered at my words and action. "you still want to?" he asked, fucking into my hand. "of course, why wouldn't i want your thick cock inside me, filling me up so nicely." I said, spreading my legs a little more for some more room.

"oh chris!" I moaned out, throwing my head back as he bottomed out. he groaned, letting go of my hands to place both of his on my hips. dragging out till only his tip was in, then slamming right back in. "shit, I love how this little cunt takes me all in." chan said, as he kept his slow but rough thrusts. taking his time to bring each other to our highs. with every thrust, hitting the gummy part inside me so perfectly every time. "faster please." I said, sweeping my hands up his arms to around his neck. 

"wanna cum baby?" he said, circling his arms under my body to completely hold me. his sweaty red chest presses against mine tightly. he rolled his hips, hitting my cilt with every stroke. I choked out a moan, angling my hips to get better friction. "yes, make me cum. please make me cum channie." I whined out, pulling at his now wet locks. as chan quicken his sloppy thrusts, he pushed his head into my neck. chan started moaning louder and louder, making me clench around him even harder. "oh fuck!" I moaned out. "yeah, cum for me baby. cum all over my cock." chan said, lifting his head, pressing his forehead to mine. "let me see how good I fuck you." he said with broken moans in-between.

the eye contact, the feeling of his body pressed to mine, and god-sent thrusts bringing me closer till finally the knot broke inside. dragging my nails down his back as I came. chan didn't let up with his thrusts prolonging my orgasm while chasing after his. which came with a couple of thrusts later. chan moaned loudly, pressing his hips as far as he could. cumming deep inside me. "oh fuck!" chan cried out, still lightly pumping with shallow thrusts. "take all my cum baby. take it, it's all for you." chan said, pushing once more before fully stopping. laying his head on my chest.

"I love you chan." I whispered into his hair. he pushed himself up and gave me a dazed smile. "I love you more." he said, pecking my lips gently. he fully say up and slowly pulled out. "going need to wash your blanket." chan laughed out, with his ears turning red. "what?" I said lifting up my body. "we made a mess baby." he said, rubbing the back of his neck. ohh. "well, let's get cleaned up." I said, careful getting up. I held out my hand as chan could grab it as we made our way to the bathroom.

chan relaxed into my arms. he dragged out his arms and stroked my thighs as we both calmed down from our racing breaths.

"I can't believe that book really turned you on." chan said. "and what about you? you had a complete hard-on and you had barely touch had you hands on me at first." I said, laughing. chan blushed as he pushed me into the bathroom. "shut up." he mumbled.

[theverumproject]

hihi verum! i wanted to ask how it’s been writing your first story! what’s the process like for you? has it gotten tough to stick with? how do you go about issues in your writing?

hope you have a great day :>

Hello! Thank you for your questions and excuse me for answering a bit late (I like to take my time, lol)

How has It been writing your first story?

Writing Verum has had a little up, then a giant down and now it has been going up again since this year. The first book took me three years to complete, while it is only more or less 15 k long! I began the second book this year in April, and I think it's at about 40 k words right now, nearing the end of season 1. So at the moment, it is going great!

What's the process like for you?

I write everything down that comes to my mind. Be it a whole book or a very small detail to some alien species' biology. That's kind of how I build the story in my head. When I begin with a book, I write down all my ideas for the book and what should roughly happen in the different parts. One to five sentences are enough, though sometimes I also write down more, depending on how much I already got in my mind.

When I wanna write a part, I first make a description of it, where I just write down everything that comes to my mind and start to plot. It should be at least 500 words long, though recently it's been getting more and more. My newest description is over 2.6 k words long, longer than my minimum word count of 1.5 k, woopsies.

Once that is done I start actually writing the part. Like I already mentioned, my minimum is 1500 words, but my parts have been becoming longer too. The latest part is over 7 k words long, also woopsies.

I always give myself one month to write 10 k. And until now, I have always reached it. I use NaNoWriMo to keep track of that. Giving myself a goal to reach has really helped me!!!

I edit in between of my "writing months". For example, I write three parts, edit them, write another three parts, edit all six of them, write another three parts, edit all nine of them, and so on and forth.

Not sure if I understood your question right, but I hope this answer is good enough!

Has it gotten tough to stick with it?

Writing the first book really has been tough. I had no... Discipline nor motivation. That's also probably why it's not that good. It's kind of half assed, I guess?

But since writing the second book it has been going wonderful! The toughest part of it is actually figuring out how to write some things, or when there are plot holes and I don't know how to fix them. Or simply just beginning to write. But once I start another month, I have no other choice but to write.

How do you go about issues in your writing?

So, while I write the whole part for the very first time (after the description), I try to ignore all issues and questions that pop up and simply just write them into the text (like this). One of the simplest issues is for example:

There's a part where Arushi and Zri'Kla go hunting. They live in an Indian jungle, but I don't know what kind of animals live in an Indian jungle. I need one though that isn't too big to carry, but it also needs to have enough flesh on it to feed them for a little bit. So instead of thinking about what animal it is while writing, I simply just write down something like this; "The arrow pierced the (animal)'s flesh". I solve all issues while editing.

But when it comes to issues that affect the plot and stuff like that, I have write down the questions on notes. I often think about Verum throughout the day, so my questions often just get randomly answered. I just need to write it down before I might forget it again.

I think my own brain sometimes gaslight me though. I have a question and a simple answer that is not good enough. I look for a better one, but can't find one. And then suddenly I think that the first answer is alright I think it's a form of giving up.

Sorry for this wall of text! Hope I didn't ramble too much.

[alicechess]

Love your writing so much! I was just having an idea atm, so I hope it’s fine requesting stuff

Reading the Yandere Springtrap series (which I really enjoy ♥️🙏), reader asked if he’s a person in one part.

What if reader wanted to open his face in curiosity tho? What would he do and if he DID open his face, would he sometimes scare reader?

Ooo I like this idea, thanks! I'll just turn this into the next chapter. I changed it a bit, and used it only as a way to scare her.

This hasn't been proof read, so it might not be the best. Anyway, enjoy the year late chapter. Also sorry it's not super long.

The new nightguard Chapter 10 (Yandere Springtrap x f!reader)

--------

The familiar footsteps was heard from behind the door. The sound of metal hitting the old, wooden stairs. A sense of dread often fell on you whenever you heard it. Maybe it was just as a result of him being the only person you've seen over the past.... how long? You couldn't keep track of time down there. No windows, no clocks, not even a damn calender. It was boring, the same old thing over and over again. You craved for something different, whether it be something small or dramatic.

The sounds of keys jingling alerted you from your thoughts, and a few seconds later, he appeared into the room once again. He brought some gifts into the room, like some new clothes he got from... some victims.

"Here, this should make you feel a bit better. I... I'm starting to understand how you feel now." He says, glancing at reader. Y/n noticed how his eyes You aren't just something I can use, and... I'm sorry."

Y/n sat their on the mattress stunned, what makes him think you'd forgive him over something so horrid? What he said about your family, what he'd do to them. You knew you were still falling down the hole, the hole of Stockholm syndrome. But regardless of how much you tried to push it aside, those feelings never fully left. You were afraid of them clouding your ability to see him for what he truly is.

"We had such a nice day yesterday, but you had to fucking ruin it! I was starting to like you, but in the end, I'll always see what you're fucking like. I couldn't care less about what you give me. You disgust me. You're a fucking monster, you truly are rotten inside and out. You deserve all the hell which you've been through you sick fuck!"

You snapped, every single thought, emotion you've experienced spilled out. You couldn't hold it in, you realised it was too late when you saw him rush towards you. He gripped you by the neck, throwing you against the wall. Pain radiated all throughout your skull, putting you in absolute agony. You cried out, afraid of what he'd do. That horrific, scary suit, the rotten meat that clung to the metal skeleton making you realise further what is in front of you. You now had a good look at him, how he truly was once a human. How did a person become this? Something which was flesh and blood, had emotions and memories, close relationships, was a fucking corpse in a suit. You wanted to know what was underneath, but you had a feeling you'd regret it.

He put pressure on your neck, you knew it was going to bruise. You felt his hands slowly put more and more pressure on your neck, making it more difficult for you to breathe. You kicked at him, but you knew it was no use as he was much taller and heavier than you. After all, he's made of metal, you never had a chance.

As your vision became blurry, you started to accept your fate. Freedom, finally. What's the point in living if you're going to be surrounded by the same four walls? You let your hands drop from his, there was no point in fighting back. He looked at your face, realising what he was doing. The defeated look scared him. Springtrap didn't like that look on you at all. It didn't fit you, it felt wrong seeing you in a position like this. Although he wanted to tear you apart, he knew that he'd regret it. Springtrap let you fall to the floor.

In a way, he wanted to let you down gently, but he was still frustrated and upset with what you had said.

"Doll... we had a discussion yesterday. You should know better."

Y/n struggling to catch her breath, coughing repeatedly, her hands touching her neck. He had slightly cut her neck from the wires which were peaking from his hands.

"Darling?" Springtrap said, looking at her bloody hands. He felt panicked, "Darling!" He wrapped his arms around her, "I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have hurt you. I love you so much, I'm so sorry! I didn't think." His voice was full of panic.

Springtrap stood up and walked to the bathroom, grabbing some medical supplies. He went back over to Y/n, seeing her still panting, not moving from shock. He knelt down, and opened the small metal box. He pulled out some disinfectant, then poured it onto a cotton ball. He then slowly patted it over her cuts. Y/n didn't wince from the pain, only staring into the distance. Springtrap then but a bandage over it, making sure that it won't come off.

Springtrap then held Y/n, knowing he absolutely fucked up and wasn't sure how to fix the mess he created. Y/n and Springtrap stayed together for an hour, y/n still not wanting to look at him at all. He disgusted them.

Springtrap started to become frustrated with how Y/n barely moved, didn't say a word. Their eyes were so empty, it angered him. Nothing he did satisfied them. They never responded, they just stared. It couldn't have been that bad, right? He's done worse before, why can't they just move on? He provided everything for them, he protected them from the outside world, gave them expensive gifts and love.

"Y/n?" He shook them

"Y/n, you've been silent for a while now."

"Y/n for fuck sake answer me!" He said making them face him. Even though he raised his voice, Y/n just turned away. Springtrap tried his hardest to not hurt them again, knowing it'd make things worse. He wanted to hit her, he really did. But he loved her. He wanted her to love him back.

"Please, just respond to me! I'm fucking sorry."

Y/n turned away, just not caring anymore. All the truly wanted was to die, to simply get away from here. Nothing provided them joy. They just felt.... so empty. They couldn't care less what happened anymore.

They just wanted it all to end.

"Y/n, you'll regret this. I'll fucking hurt them."

Y/n gave Springtrap an unamused glance, the thought hurt them, but in the end, they just couldn't do this anymore.

"Do you want to go for a walk? Yesterday was nice, wasn't it?"

He nudged Y/n, but when he didn't get a response, he got up and walked towards the door.

"Fucking last chance Y/n, you'll either fucking love me, or I'll kill your family. I'm not doing this with you. I'm not going to play your pathetic game."

Y/n just gave him a sad look and turned away, staring at the concrete walls.

Springtrap sighed at the response, then opened the door and walked out. He knew she'd hate him, but he tried so much. It didn't go anywhere.

----

Springtrap did some research, with the application for applying to the job, he found her address. It was so painfully easy. The shitty company had no protection for the individuals who applied to the job. At least no one would have any use for this anymore, besides Springtrap. Y/n was simply someone who used to be. People probably think she's dead. He wondered if they connected the dots yet. The workers knew he lived in the abandoned pizzeria. It'd be amusing if they hadn't. It was difficult to find the place while staying undercover, making sure people didn't spot him. It was late at night and dark, so it was unlikely. It was also pouring down with rain and thunder.

Eventually, he found the place. There was a crappy car at the front, the paint was peeling off and dirty. The overall house looked fine at the front of the place. The grass was kept mown, and the building looked newish, probably built in the past 5 years.

Springtrap attempted the front door, and it wouldn't budge. He then walked around towards the back, and tried with the door. He knew he'd have to pick the lock, causing him to sigh. He hoped it wouldn't wake them up, otherwise it would make things much more difficult and irritating. He had no doubt he could take them down, it would just be leaving the area which would be a nightmare if the police became aware.

Eventually, it unlocked, and the door opened with ease and little noise. Springtrap looked around the bottom floor, a few cans of beer was on the floor. He guessed the family was struggling. There were a few bottles on one of the shelves in the dining room. Some seemed to be half empty or less.

He started to walk up the stairs, hoping that he wouldn't have to deal with any creaking. Unfortunately, because of the suit, it did creak underneath him. However, there was loud snoring which seemed as though it helped to cover the noise, so as the crackling thunder.

Once he found the room, he looked over at Y/n's parents. "So you're the peoples she's so desperate for, huh?" He murmured under his breath, knowing it wouldn't wake either of them. Springtrap moved over towards the bed. He pulled out his knife, then plunged it into the fathers chest. The mother seemed to instantly wake up, but Springtrap held her down, slicing her throat. The father attempted to hit Springtrap, but that wouldn't do anything to him. He was much larger and stronger than the man next to him. Springtrap raised the knife, enjoying the fear and pain in the mans eyes. He stabbed the man in the head, ending the mans suffering.

Springtrap stood up, relieved that they didn't make much noise. It was beneficial having a thunderstorm occur at the same time, as it made this much quicker and less difficult.

He cut the heads off both of them, which was rather difficult with the knife he was using as it wasn't as sharp as he would've liked. He took note on doing that later.

He put them both in one of the plastic bags which were on the floor. He could hardly wait to get his darlings attention again. She'd be traumatised for a while, but thankfully she'd eventually fall for him, and be grateful for what he's done for her.

Springtrap walked down the street, the blood washing away from his suit. It was rather dirty, but he couldn't often do much about it. He knew he'd have to fix it up some day. If he was going to be stuck in this hell for the rest of eternity, might as well make it a tad bit more comfortable and appealing.

It took a while to get back to the house as it was rather far away. Once he arrived, he opened the door and stepped in. He had a thought of possibly cleaning the place later, maybe he could bring up Y/n. They might be able to live a bit happier. She had nothing to cling onto anymore, any hope of leaving this place. He might do some more research later into possibly any other family that may be alive. He'd take care of them too if there were to be. Springtrap opened the basement door and stepped inside.

Y/n glanced over at him, noticing tiny specs of blood. Most of it was gone, but there still were small stains. Y/n remembered what he said yesterday, panic instantly settled in.

"What did you do?!"

Springtrap smirked, "Oh darling, don't you remember what I said yesterday?"

"No...." Y/n mumbled, tears welling up in her eyes. "You didn't...."

Springtrap laughed, then dropped the bag. Both of the heads rolled out. Y/n instantly moved back against the wall, a loud scream escaping from her.

"NO! WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS?!"

He grabbed her by the chin, she tried to turn her head away, but he pressed harder, forcing her to look at him.

"You have nothing left but me. You have to love me now. There's nothing left out there for you! Besides me!" Springtrap wrapped his arms around her. "Its just you and me now. If there's anyone else I'll find them. I will make sure you have no reason to leave this place. If you try to, I'll break your legs once again, I will make you so disgusting no one could ever be attracted to you besides me. You'll only be loved by me. I'll be the only one capable of loving someone like you."

Y/n cried hysterically, she didn't want this anymore. She couldn't do this. She couldn't live with herself. What could she even do? She truly felt as though there was no reason to live.

"Just fucking kill me, please. I don't want to do this anymore! Just do it already!" Y/n screamed, pathetically hitting him.

"Doll, that's not going to happen. Isn't it obvious? I love you so much. I'm risking myself everyday getting you new gifts to make you happier. I give you all the attention you need. You don't want to die! Why would you? Is none of this fucking good enough for you?" Springtrap raised his voice, hitting the wall right next to her head. Bits of concrete fell off onto the mattress.

Y/n didn't feel afraid, she wanted this. "You think any of this would make me happy? You ruined my life! You took everything for me! Do it, you freak, fucking do it already!"

Springtrap gritted his teeth, knowing what Y/n was trying to do. He sighed, sitting down next to her. "Oh darling, I won't let you get to me."

----

Springtrap kept attempting to get attention from Y/n. He wanted to spend time with her, but kept getting shut down which was making him frustrated.

"Do you want to go outside with me?

Y/n looked away, rolling her eyes.

"No."

"Want to watch a movie?"

"Fuck off."

Springtrap grabbed her wrist roughly, dragging her up. "You're going to fucking spend time with me. Got it?"

"Fuck no, why would I want to spend time with something like you. You're a fucking monster."

"You think I'm a fucking monster huh? I'll fucking show you how much of a monster i am." Springtrap pulled off his mask, showing the rotting face beneath it.

"Oh my god-"

"I'll fucking make you like me. I'll fucking force you to suffer like I have. You won't ever escape me then. You won't have a choice anymore, you'll be constantly under my control. What's your choice, hmm? Love me willingly, or I'll force you to."

[hiraeth-witch-11]

Possession Part 2

Trigger warnings: brief mentions of sex and murder, customer service hell-scape (not literal)

Word count: 875

Tell me we are not doin’ this for the next 12 hours.

You’re lucky, today is only a 10 hour shift. You continue scanning items, listening to the repetitive beeping and background chatter.

Are you sure we aren’t in Hell right now?

Don’t be a baby. We’re only 2 hours in.

This is so boring.

Boring is better than the alternative. I’m sure you’ll see soon enough.

“I have some coupons,” your customer says, handing you a stack of paper cut outs.

“I’m sorry, ma’am, but these are for a different store. And they’re expired,” You explain.

“But they should still work. The last time I came here they accepted them.”

Yeah right.

“Unfortunately, I can’t accept them.”

“You can though. You just have to type some things into your computer. I’ve seen it done,” she continues.

“I’m sorry, ma’am. It’s against store policy.”

“What are you stupid? Just put them in your computer. It’s not that hard!”

What a bitch. I would’ve stabbed her by now, but that’s just me.

“I’m not stupid, ma’am. There is nothing I can do. It’s against store policy.” You keep your tone even. 

“Are you arguing with me? The customer is always right. See this is what’s wrong with your generation.” She huffs and puts her hands on her hip.

I’m older than you and if she was talkin’ to me like that, I wouldn’t stand for it.

Be quiet. You're gonna distract me.

“Ma’am, I cannot accept these coupons. Are you ready for me to finish the transaction?”

“No. I’m not. I want to speak to your manager.” She folds her arms over her chest.

Fine by me. Make her someone else’s problem.

You wave over your manager. “Hey Roger, could I have your help with something real quick?”

“Sure, what’s going on?” Roger asks. He’s nice, you like him as a manager. He usually has your back.

You open your mouth to speak, but the woman interrupts you and begins complaining. Roger is patient, explaining the exact same thing you did and finally getting the woman to leave. Roger isn’t a very tall or particularly strong man, but he’s nice and polite and you have a bit of a professional crush on him. He claps you on the shoulder and gives you an apologetic smile once he leaves. 

He wants to fuck you.

Jesus Christ, William. He does not.

I thought you were gay. How can you have a crush on him?

I’m pan. Equal opportunity as far as crushes go. Gay is just a bit of a catch all term I use when I don’t feel like explaining.

So you would be down for a threesome? You can hear the grin in his words.

You literally are just another dude. Could you be any more cliche?

I could. 

I’m gonna be clear right now. That was not a challenge.

Kinda felt like it.

How old are you, William?

I lost track. I’ve been outta Hell a couple times. Last time was during the Civil War, I think. Time before that is kinda fuzzy. I think some war for independence. When I was human, I fought with swords.

Damn you're old. If you’ve done the possession thing before, why are you so bad at it?

Ouch. I did just fine before. I think something’s wrong with you, not me.

So you’re blaming me for your possession? Take some responsibility for your own actions, my dude.

Responsibility is for suckers. 

You roll your eyes and focus on the rest of the shift. Billy is mostly well behaved-ish and only mentioning murdering the customers occasionally.

Damn look at the rack on her.

I will not.

If I saw, that means you looked.

Okay, I noticed, but it would be impossible not to. I’m not going to stare, that’s rude.

You can practically feel the demon pouting in your mind as he says, Now you’re just bein’ mean.

I know we established you are old as dirt, but I’m not gonna go around ogling women for your amusement.

What about ogling men?

What?!

You said no to women, that leaves a lot of options open. Can we ogle those?

First of all, there is no we in this and no. We are not ogling anyone. Oh my God she’s coming to my lane.

The beautiful brunette woman with the low cut top and killer curves is loading a handful of items onto the conveyor belt. You avoid looking at her as best you can as you scan the items.

“I like your hair,” she says. “It suits you.”

You stumble over your words. “You too. I mean, I like your hair too. Thanks.”

You’re hopeless, sweetheart.

I am not! I was just unprepared. 

“You’re cute,” the woman smiles. “I’ll see you around.”

You hand her the receipt and nod stupidly.

Absolutely hopeless.

Ugh, just a bit.

She wanted to fuck you too by the way.

She did not! How would you even know that? You’re out of date for human interactions by a couple centuries. 

I’m an incubus, plus fucking is timeless.

That’s such a weird thing to say. Of course I get a literal sex demon stuck in my head. God must hate me.

Join the club, buddy.

[music-my-beloved]

A Hard Day's Night: A 16yo's (horrible) album review pt.3

A Hard Day's Night: Catchy, she's so nice! She's like, a classic. Wasn't there that movie made with this same name or am I tripping? Dude making these reviews is like, giving me carpal tunnel I've never typed this much b4 !! Erm,,, but yea :/ this song is just a classic that's all I gotta say !!!

I Should Have Known Better: Harmonica goes insane honestly. Uh this song confused me 😭 like. i'm stupid??? I don't know girls this one through me for a loop. At first I was like, "Dang this girl's a runner she's out with other guys '-'" and then for a brief moment I was like no, "Okay maybe she's loyal she's just stupid and doesn't know what to say when the guy compliments her or something" I'm leaning towards the second option but the title still trips me up like, I should have known better what is that supposed to mean 😭😭??? Likeee,, "I should have known better that a girl like you would run off with different men" or "I should have known better that a ditzy girl like you wouldn't know what to say when I told you I love you" ?? I'm confuseddddd. Maybe I'm stupid. Help me 😭😭!!

If I Fell: THE DRUMS!?? Hellooo?? They're so cute !!!! They're so faint yet full it's so.. uh girl idk they're striking a chord with me. Was there a looping machine ??? Was that a thing in the 60s ?? If not that steady hand work was AMAZING. Good Job Ringo! 👍 Anyway yeah I'm familiar with this song already, she's another sister to me I love her!

I'm Happy Just To Dance With You: This song has like, melancholic undertones 😭 it makes me depressed. Not like, super sad but it's like, "Once this dance is over, I'll still love you" or something like that. Idk she's just so sad :(((( but I actually really like this track ! She's so sad I love it!!!

And I Love Her: erm, she's a bit too slow and sweet for me! I can imagine that under the right circumstances this song would be an absolute banger and just get me in my feels but right now a loud english class probs isn't the environment for this music idk.. but uhhhhh yeah. I WASN'T bored per se just mildly amused by her.

Tell Me Why: Girlllll we're getting drama???? Why this girl crying 😭 and lying ?! 😭😭 I'll tell you what these girls are! toxiccccc !!! Is it the same girl or multiple?? Because omg it's actually insane these girls are crazy or this one particular girl is just an absolute mad woman I can't tell 😭😭 uh but overall it's a pretty energetic song it's pretty good 👍

Can't Buy Me Love: Okay I heard the first line or whatever and I was like, "sugar daddy :3" what. girl nevermind. He wants a girl who doesn't want material things from him that's so sweet!! Apparently Paul and John turned their backs on Money from their previous album but whatevs I get it. Sometimes people are in a mood 👀. Uh I liked the song but the girl could bark she was a little loud for me idk 😭

Any Time At All: This song sounds a bit more modern idk but oh em gee he's gonna be there for you! Not in like a romantic way (but it could totally be seen as such) but in like a friendly sweet way !! Super cute idea for a song. Unfortunately Bruno Mars has already capitalized on such an idea with that one song that I cannot remember for the life of me rn idk

I'll Cry Instead: Teehee this song is evil >:3 !!! Revenge is real and this girl is gonna be a victim!!! I love itttt it's so catchy and just makes you wanna bop your head along with it. 10/10 for her, she was exquisite.

Things We Said Today: A parting song 🤨 hmm interestinggggg. Girl they had A LOT to say in this apparently 'cause looking at the lyrics, it reads like a short story. I mean, I know that is technically what a song is but most of the time the songs read like poems this one goes crazy (and yes I know, some parts are repeated) but OMG she was a lot !!! Charming track but I didn't really groove with this one!!!

When I Get Home: okay when I read the title I thought this song was a threat I'm not gonna lie to you 😭😭.. it still seems like a threat to me. ALSO these songs need some gut to them !! These tracks have the potential to sound more angry but they won't do it and I'm trying to understand why. The Beatles have made some angry sounding songs before (but that's for a later albums) and they've all sounded fantastic. I get that the songs at the time (60s) were all lovey dovey and cute and not so aggressive but RAAHHHHH it's so frustrating to hear the same thing over and over again. But anyway yeah I feel like this song was just too repetitive for me :/ EDIT: okay listened to this song multiple times I completely misunderstood it but the rant is STAYING !!!!!

You Can't Do That: uh this girl's a runner !!! Quick someone get her, someone watch her 😭😭😭 this song is a pretty tame response to the knowledge that your girl is talking to other people. Also this dude is oddly obsessed with his reputation like, boy, reputation don't mean nothing if your girl doesn't even respect you that much ?? I don't know i've been mean with these reviews don't mind me I'm just crazyyyy this album review has been a mess 😭

I'll Be Back: this relationship is not healthy wut. He left her just to see if she would chase after him. You know what good on you girl 'cause that was a crazy thing to do on his part. Uhm overall (despite the weirdness in the relationship dynamic) I think it was the perfect track to close out an album with. It's not using all the tricks in the playbook but it's also not completely lacking either !! It's was also a very chillaxed song and not too overbearing. I liked it!! Probs won't listen again but idk I could totally be lying don't listen to me!

More Reviews on the way, next up: Beatles for Sale...

[heyclickadee]

Thoughts on “Faster”

1. THAT’S MY BOY!! THAT’S MY BOY!! MY BEAUTIFUL NERDY BOY!!! 2. I love that Echo and Hunter were out delivering space door dash. I joked about that with my sister once; I didn’t think it would actually be canon. 

3. Even though I missed seeing Hunter and Echo (and Crosshair), I don’t think this episode would have worked with them in it. I’m not sure Hunter would have agreed to going with Cid in the first place, and even if he had, there’s no way he would have let Tech on that race track. They would absolutely shut down the shenanigans. I’d pay cash money to see his face when they all get back. 

4. I know a lot of people are calling this one filler, and while I don’t agree seeing as how there was plot development or at least set up for plot development as well as some lovely character development for Tech, I’m glad this one was a bit more lighthearted than the first three. You can only delve so far into the angst before the audience becomes numb to it. You need to let them (and the characters) breathe a little before going any farther with it. I’m genuinely glad they just got to have a good (albeit dangerous) time. 

5. Tech, seeing riot racing for the first time: It would appear that anything goes out there.

Tech internally: If I do not get out on that track within one standard hour I will perish.  6. I LOVE how, in contrast to the first season, which highlighted the batch as a team and what their roles on the team were, this season is focusing more on the batch as individuals. It’s less about what the team will do and more about what each member of the team might want. For Tech, that seems to mean opening his eyes to the possibility of life outside of war and combat, not just for himself but to the idea that there’s so much of the galaxy that existed before and outside of the war that he’s never thought about, as well as presenting him with the idea that he’s good for something besides fighting. And given the conflict between Hunter and Echo (who ultimately want the same thing but are looking to get there in different ways), I’d say that’s going to be really important later on down the line. 

7. Along those same lines, I’m adoring the throughline between Crosshair’s desperation to stay relevant using the only skills he thinks he has, Echo’s determination to fight back using the only skillset (being a soldier) he thinks he has, and Tech’s frustration with Cid wasting their skills on things like space door dash. They were designed to do one specific thing, and the republic they were designed to do it for no longer exists. They’re all floundering and struggling to find their own sense of purpose, the same way Hunter seemed to find his back in season one. 

8. TAY-0 was. Oh boy. 

9. Obnoxious. Eminently punchable. The irony of casting Sonic the Hedgehog as the blue racing robot was not lost on me, but besides the “Gotta go fast,” aspect of that, casting Ben Schwartz as an egotistical, aggressively dramatic theater kid always works. He always plays that part well. 

10. You could feel Tech was exactly 0.35 seconds from punching TAY-0 in his stupid metal face from pretty much the moment they met. That deadpan glare when TAY-0 told Tech to stop fixing him the wrong way? I felt that in my bones. The way Tech sighed and shook his head when TAY-0 said that Tech didn’t have strategy or skill? Dude was pissed and it’s almost like he’s had to mask his whole life. The, “Don’t try me right now, I’m done and I’m doing what I want,” look when Tech said he was going to be the one to race? Yes. Good. 

11. The way that Tech clearly didn’t know how to respond to the crowd chanting his name because he’s not used to that kind of recognition, so he gave that little awkward half salute is going to live rent free in my head for a while. As is the fact that Tech did listen to everyone giving him advice but ultimately trusted his own judgement. 

12. “Tech, you have to be in front to win!” “I know what I’m doing. It’s called strategy.” “No, it’s called losing!” I’m dying. I’m literally dead. 

13. So...Tech doesn’t trust Cid. Which, he shouldn’t, of course. Besides Millegi’s warning at the end, the way Cid was acting all the way through this episode makes me think she’s definitely got something shady in store for the boys. And the thing is, I don’t think it’s something she’s planning on doing--I think it’s something she’s already done. I suspect she actually sold them out to some extent way back, maybe back in season one, in a way that’s going to get them in big trouble this season, and that she’s maybe starting to regret it because a part of her actually likes them. 

14. Wrecker and Omega playing chess at the beginning of the episode! Omega putting things on the line to help Cid! Wrecker and Omega being so happy when Tech won! Tech with his hand on Omega’s shoulder and Wrecker doing that affectionate shoulder punch! I love them!

15. The poor guy who got shot at during the race at the beginning of the episode. I know this was a much lighter episode than the last few, but dang. That’s...kinda dark. 

16. I cracked up when the announcer lampshaded how odd clone names are in-universe, especially when they don’t have the “they’re a clone” context. 

[not-poignant]

Hi! Sorry if you've answered this before, but how do you keep track of all the details (e.g. characterization, worldbuilding, etc.) when you write something long? Love your books, and hope you're getting rest!

I really just depends, anon! I have different methods per story.

For example, re: A Stain that Won't Dissolve, I have nothing except what's in my head and what's in the story. I'll ctrl+F for any details that I need to double check before writing future chapters.

For The Nascent Diplomat, I have nothing except a single 4 page Word document that mostly just differentiates between the different clans with vague mentions of appearance. That's it. Oh and ctrl+F to look up details.

For Underline the Black and the rest of the Rainbow I have an Obsidian Vault. Obsidian is free program (unless you need it to sync between devices, and then it's a one-time very modest payment and they entirely deserve it) and I like it more than World Anvil because I can build my world the way I want. I can give you an idea of what that looks like for Underline the Black here:

The folders on the left are all like Wiki articles on all the characters. The graph view allows me to identify node categories by colour, and find what I'm looking for. I'm actually in the character pages for this about once or twice per chapter, but I don't need to use it often anymore because I remember a lot of the details now (except, for some reason, Caleb's eye colour). Here's an example of how detailed I get for the articles:

And obviously for more main characters, the articles are either more detailed, or way, way less detailed lmao. (Also Efnisien is in the 'omega' category not because he's an omega, but so I can more easily find him, lmao).

For Vexteria I have what's in my head, but I'll open a vault for that eventually. I'll need to.

For Fae Tales canon, I had a bunch of Word articles that I didn't often need to check for any reason. They were like...good early on, but then became kind of redundant. I get frustrated if I can't keep 95% of the details in my head at all times. Towards the end of The Ice Plague I actually started to sometimes use the Fae Tales Wiki to find details, lol.

Which is why the Mallory & Mount Obsidian Vault is pretty intimidating to me, but that's mostly because I haven't started writing yet:

For Falling Falling Stars and Spoils of the Spoiled I had nothing at all, except for what was in my head.

As you can see, anon, it really just depends on the story! My longest story (Falling Falling Stars) had no worldbuilding notes at all. And then other stories do get some worldbuilding. Underline the Black does because I knew I'd be spinning off couples/stories, and keeping track of like 10 different characters in 5 different couples can get overwhelming.

When I'm winging a story, I actually go to my documents less than I search through the stories for what I want to know. It's very common for me to open a story, go to 'Entire Work' and then literally just search through keywords that I know I use, to double check hair colour, eye colour, or something else. It got a bit unwieldy with Fae Tales because there was an awful lot to search through, but it's a lot easier with stories that just have one or two parts.

And I think folks might be surprised how much just...perma-lives in my head. That stuff is pretty much on tap. There's exceptions, especially depending on the time or fatigue (if I'm asked a detail about one of my stories and it's 1.00pm and I'm too tired to write, then I'm also too tired to talk about details without having to search for them myself). Generally speaking I can trust myself to write a story with solid continuity based off nothing except what I remember, and the ability to search the story before committing to something. That has led to minor, fixable continuity errors, but to my knowledge, no major ones.

Character details I find the easiest to remember, honestly, outside of cosmetics (fashion choices, eye/hair colour etc.). Like, I often don't have nearly as much in my worldbuilding notes about their histories or personality details, because that stuff I know I'll remember, and a flaw of mine is sometimes assuming readers will just naturally know it too.

I enjoy worldbuilding, but I don't need it for a lot of my writing. I would say the majority of my writing on AO3 has never had much by the way of worldbuilding or character notes, and even the stories that do like Fae Tales, I was checking those notes once every 10-15 chapters, because I didn't need them more often than that.

Er yeah so I keep track of the majority of it by just...thinking about it or recalling something to do with it. I have a good mind for this kind of storytelling, and I would say it's one of my strengths that allows me to write stories this long, because otherwise I'd feel SO frustrated always having to check documents and vaults etc. before I got started with each new chapter. But I have to admit that worldbuilding for Underline the Black finally forced me to give Kadek a last name, lol.

[crimsonlyinglilly]

Day 14: dehumanisation / darkness / alone 

a few days late Day 14 for @augustofwhump, but also @randowhump’s Birthday Whump Event, covering Prompt 4, Prompt 6, Prompt 7, Prompt 10, Prompt 13 and Prompt 15

We return to Hollow bones - Elijah goes missing while looking for a cure to the crescent curse and ends with him a few changes of his own.

Winged!Elijah Mikaelson.

This time we find, Elijah is not having a grand time and Lucien arrives to make it worse.

—--

“I heard we had progress!” a gleeful voice called as they entered the room, Elijah froze as he resisted the urge to flinch as he recognized the voice, one he hadn’t heard in a long time but one that explained why he had been targeted.

“Oh Elijah, you look stunning.” the once servant grinned at him as Elijah forced himself to look at him.

“Lucien, you’re behind this?” He managed to get out, not sure of his own tone. The latest collection of drugs they were filling him with focused on making it hard to think and they were working far better than Elijah liked.

He was losing time, left in a daze as thoughts escaped him, as thinking of anything beyond his new additions became different and his new instincts started to overwhelm him.

He wanted preen, to straighten out the feathers the scientist and witches kept messing up, apparently growing braver as time had gone by, Elijah missed when they kept a distance.

When they left him alone, other than the mix of drugs and magic they sent at him from a distance.

“Not alone, technically I have a deal with Tristan but I'm sure he'll let me keep you for a bit. I have a witch that could use a blank familiar to anchor herself.”

His swallowed the fear that had risen at Tristan’s name and tried to focus of the rest of what Lucien had said.

”Blank?” he echoed, he knew something about that hadn’t he?

“Yes, I suppose you haven't gotten to that part. Now hush the people are talking.”

“Lucien.” he hissed at the dismissal, he snarled to bare his teeth but as he did he discovered something was wrong, there was no sudden sharpness that came when his face shifted into it’s more beastly form.

Lucien laughed and moved too fast for Elijah to track, reappearing in front of him, to close for Elijah’s comfort but before he could draw back the man’s hand had reached out to cut his face, thumb pulling his lip up to bare his fang.

“Oh Elijah you can’t see yourself but really you make such a sight, no dark veins, no red eyes and barely any fangs left.” Lucien explained as Elijah was forced to realise he had fallen far more than he thought, Lucien hadn’t moved that fast it was Elijah had slowed down to a human pace. “How much of you is even a vampire anymore let alone an Original? How about we had a test?” Lucien asked before he leaned even closer meeting his eyes in a stare, “Why don't you thank the nice doctors?”

For a terrifying moment Elijah feared the compulsion would work, but time passed and nothing forced Elijah to thank those who saw him as nothing but an experiment.

“That won't work on me.” he told him, hating that he sounded more confused than anything else.

“Not yet,” Lucien sighed as he released his face and finally stepped back, “would have been fun though,” he smirked at him and Elijah glared back it didn’t have half as much anger as he wanted behind it, “It seems your mind is the last hold out, as an original your mind is untouchable to the likes of me but a Familiar well that’s different, and it seems you are getting closer to that everyday day.”

“With the lovely white coats making you as human and living as we can while our brilliant Witches are pouring as much nature magic into you, we are going reawaken your own lost magic and then have it overtake you.” Lucien explained to him reminding Elijah that he had known that he had forgotten it at some point to his concern.

“I was barely a witch.” he reminded him, wishing he could summon some more anger instead of the faint annoyance but the discovery he had forgotten that much was threatening to swallow everything, he wouldn’t panic in front of Lucien, he wouldn’t show any fear.

He wouldn’t give Lucien any more satisfaction than he had already.

“But you had and used the magic,” Lucien counted “it’s in your blood, the blood that’s still in your veins, carrying the magic of the one who made you, how does it feel to know your mother’s helping us in a way?” he asked,

Elijah couldn’t stop the choked laugh at the thought, Mother would likely be pleased in a way they were fixing her mistake, Elijah’s will and wants be damned.

“Think of it as karma,” Lucien kept talking as Elijah’s laugh died away. “You took everything from us, even ourselves and now you get to feel the same.” Lucien said as he walked around him, “But think of it this way you'll be cared for, never want for anything, just apparently a magnificent bird in a cage.” He finished by brushing a hand down Elijah’s throat over the white feathers that spread from his neck to collar bones. 

Elijah flinched as Luicen plucked a feather as he pulled his hand away, he really wanted people to stop touching his feathers since it always ended in pain.

But he was thankful at the idea of this unpleasant visit coming to an end until Lucien started speaking again.

“You should thank your brother and Marcel, is it? For the idea.” he gloated as Elijah felt a hand run over his right wing, still held up and restraint since he had tried use them to defend himself straight after he had gotten them, “Since our continued existence is tied to your lives we decided we needed to do something while Tristan and your Strix are looking for a way to unlink you all from us, I decided to go another way, why not make you more manageable?” Tristan asked as he steep back into Elijah’s sight “Something we could keep caged and protected.”

They both glanced at the cage sitting in the room, the silent threat and promise, Elijah’s fate.

Only if he didn’t work out a way to escape.

“The Crescent curse is clearly the perfect way to deal with Nik, does he really not think it could be turned back on him?”Lucien asked again and Elijah was starting to think he was doing it on purpose, knowingly inspiring the flash of panic when he struggled to answer before he realised they weren’t meant to be answered, “You and Rebekah weren’t as easy but I remembered Klaus once telling me about Kol’s lost dream of becoming a familiar and thought why not help you achieve that, then you can be useful as an added bonus strengthening our witches.”

“It wont work.” he snapped relieved as the mention of his siblings, of his lost Kol and travelling alone Rebekah, gave him something to grasp hold of grief and anger sharpening his mind and brushing away the drugged haze. 

He was alone here but he wouldn’t let this fate fall on his sister. How dare this cretin use what Klaus had once confided in, in trust against his family. Elijah was going to tear out his throat, he felt his fangs grow sharper even if his face remained unchanged.

“It seems to be moving well with you.” Lucien replied with a condescending smile. 

“I used my magic, Rebekah never did.” he explained before he could think better of it.

“That’s a shame, I guess I'll leave her fate to Tristan and we both know that’s far cruller.” Lucien told him once again, appearing too close to him, fingers threading through the ruff of feathers in the hollow of his throat, twisting but not enough to pull them out.

He choked on a whine, to much it was all to much

“Does it hurt? you're sensitive, all this new Plumage,” Lucien laughed “I wonder what you taste like now but all this” he moved his hand brushing the feathers the wrong way “is in the way.” Lucien taunted.

Elijah noticed with annoyance his breathing was shaky, the fear he had been trying so hard to ignore bypassing his mind but showing clearly though his body.

Why shouldn’t it? It barely felt like him anymore.

Elijah couldn’t hold back the sigh as Lucien finally removed the hand from his feathers, he let his head drop but the hand moved to his hair pulled his head back up.

“You’re going to make such a pretty bird.” Lucien told him moving his other hand to pet him on the cheek.

Elijah ignored the burning in his scalp and eyes and tried to glare back at the smiling face far too close to his.

[kpoppharmacy]

~Album Review~

Tomorrow x Together - Minisode 3: Tomorrow

7 songs, 17 minutes 2 seconds

I'll See You There Tomorrow

- --- -- --- .-. .-. --- .--

Deja Vu

Miracle

The Killa (I Belong to You)

Quarter Life

Deja Vu (Anemoia Remix)

Thoughts:

This is the second album by TXT I am reviewing on my blog. I was slightly disappointed by the last album, there were just some low moments or some songs felt off. I have good news that after some more months have passed, I like those songs a bit more now. Additionally, on May 26th, I saw TXT live for the second time and had the opportunity to hear some of those songs live. Hearing them live made me enjoy them a lot more. Anyways, I wasn't sure what to expect with this album, but I definitely was not disappointed.

The opening track is an absolute gem in their discography. TXT are known for having iconic opening tracks, at least in my eyes. This one is no different. I'll See You There Tomorrow makes me a bit emotional, as it feels like a friend talking to another friend, excited about meeting each other once again. It reminds me of how I feel about the members of TXT, like they are my friends. This song is groovy and boppy, addicting in nature. The post chorus is my favorite part, even though it includes no actual lyrics. The vibes are perfect.

Oh, Deja Vu... the title track. I will say this song took some time for me to like. The song is dramatic and sad, but I'm not completely sold. I feel like I am not feeling what the song wants me to feel, which makes it a slightly uncomfortable experience. I think they could have done better with including more emotional vocals and raps, like LO$ER=LOVER or Lovesong. And no bridge? Come on... After hearing it live, I think I have an emotion to tie it to now. Wantingness and regret, mostly because I miss seeing them live in concert. The performance is amazing, but the listening experience is not the best. It is a half skip, and half listen for me, definitely my least favorite song on the album.

Miracle! God, I really appreciate Miracle's existence. It was amazing in concert. Chanting the 1!... 2!!... 3!!!... with the audience was great. I get this song. It's the perfect follow up to Deja Vu, it's not a complete 180 from the sad vibes, but brings the listener up a bit. The beat keep driving forward. The song feels too short.

Now, the subunit songs. The Killa is really something. Now, I know the fandom loves this song. It was a straight hit for me as soon as I heard it. But, it did not age as well. It is probably my second least favorite on the album, surprisingly. It is like Tinnitus 2.0 but not as good as Tinnitus. It really is a shame that the Yeonjun subunit songs always get overshadowed by the other subunit song somehow. Then, Quarter Life. This song makes me feel things. It is way too short, which is my only complaint. Heuning Kai, Taehyun, and Beomgyu came together and made the most angsty song on this album. I just love when TXT do rock, even if it is 5 Seconds of Summer, pop rock, rock. I, too, feel like I am having a quarter life crisis. I don't know, it's embarrassing to say, but I relate to this song.

Then the Anemoia remix... I really wish this wasn't included on the official album. I genuinely don't understand why BigHit did that? They have never included a remix on the initial album release before. And, this remix is not that good. The vibe Deja Vu had before is changed and for what? I feel like the producers didn't know which track to choose when deciding the title, so they just put both? I am genuinely confused and not super pleased by this inclusion. Feels like a space filler like with the previous album.

Overall, I really like this album. All of the tracks are great in their own way. When doing an album listen through, I would only skip the remix. On a TXT shuffle, there is a 50/50 chance I'd skip Deja Vu. Overall, great odds. I think this is another great addition to TXT's discography.

Rating: 8.5/10

[vitaminwaterreviews]

aespa - Armageddon

I definitely liked this album. I don’t know if I’d say that I loved it. I was hoping that this album would confirm to me that I absolutely loved aespa, but … really I’m kind of where I was earlier: a lot of their songs aren’t for me, but some of them are absolutely amazing. That said, a lot of the songs on this album were quite good, and even my least favorite songs were still pretty good. That’s more than I can say for a lot of their earlier stuff.

This album seemed to do the same thing as Drama: it was 50% dark and 50% brighter-but-still-electronic. Clearly the Red Velvet dual concept is going strong with their successors. It makes you wonder what SMNGG is going to be like. SM groups seem to come in duos: Exo sound a lot like Red Velvet, NCT sound a lot like aespa. So we’d expect SMNGG to sound a lot like Riize, I guess? Anyway, I’m not talking as much about the particular songs on this album, because (title tracks aside) nothing was super memorable on a first listen. A lot of “good but not great,” but that’s fine. Perhaps things will grow on me, perhaps not. If nothing else, this album gave me Supernova. Average of 7.9 which feels about right to me.

- I’ve lowkey been anticipating this album for quite a while. I used to be able to confidently say that I wasn’t a fan of aespa, I just enjoyed a few of their songs. But having heard both title tracks, I suspect that after listening to this album, I will be forced to concede that I am a fan of aespa.

Supernova

This is currently my most listened-to song of the past four weeks

It’s also my 13th most listened-to song of the past 6 months

It’s just So good. The bass is so good, the sound design in general is So Good

Also all the hooks - like, the “ah oh ey” is SO good

10/10 because … it would be beyond unfair to give a song that I’ve listened to so much a 9

Armageddon

This song, on the other hand, I’ve only heard once; I watched the music video yesterday when it released and that’s it.

As expected though, it definitely hits different with headphones on

Aespa in general just have such amazing sound design

(SM in general really, Chill Kill did not slack at all either)

The “bang chitty bang” part is funny to me, I was in the pit orchestra for my high school’s production of chitty chitty bang bang and so that phrase has a lot of baggage for me lol

The melody in the chorus is kind of hauntingly simple, it just climbs and descends the scale

8/10, I like it, but I think it needs time to grow on me

Set The Tone

Alright, a song I haven’t heard yet

Okay, we’re all retro electronic

And now we’re … like, 90’s hip hop?

I think this is another one that’ll need to grow on me. The chiptune sound isn’t super appealing to me, and there’s not enough going on the song to totally keep my interest

Okay, here’s the bridge

7/10, lower rating, but not in a way that makes me concerned about the rest of the album

Mine

Mkay, we’re deep and dark and bassy

That high-pitched electronic “mine” at the end of the phrase, that was good

That bridge was heavenly

I’m actually very reminded of GOT The Beat - Rose

Honestly? That really won me over

8/10

Licorice

Lol the guitars in a song about licorice

I’m vibing though, let’s see where this goes

I don’t think I’ve ever actually had licorice

I quite like twizzlers

I want more out of the guitars to be honest, use them a bit more fully

Yeah, they very much take a backseat in the chorus, when they could be the focus

The bridge is fun

8/10

Bahama

I think there’s a lot of hype behind this song iirc, but I don’t usually listen to teasers so I don’t know anything about it

We’re definitely a lot brighter here

Love that bass

Okay, so it’s like a spiritual successor to Better Things I guess lol

The whistle!

Yeah it actually fits very well with Better Things, it has that electronic tropical vibe

Mmmm I dunno about this bridge

Oh okay, I could get into the rap here

Yeah and the last chorus feels really nice

8/10 (also this song kept reminding me of Beach Boys - Kokomo lol)

Long Chat

Is this like the Drama EP, where the first half is all aespa and then the second half is all bright?

What the hell is this bass?

This makes me feel like, early 2000’s flash game vibes

And the pre-chorus is a completely different song

And the chorus is … the same background music as the verse, but a different synth?

I do not know how I feel about this song

Lol “hol up, what?”

Actually this kinda reminds me of f(x) - Rainbow with just the random shifts between feels

I’m curious what the lyrics are

Also is this swung 8ths or are they 16ths? The bpm is fast enough that it’s hard to tell

Haha wait no wait, I enjoy this a lot more if I think of it as “aespa does Twicetagram”

Lol now I love it

8/10

Prologue

What do you mean prologue, this is the 8th song on the album

7/10, definitely an enjoyable listening experience, but it didn’t totally wow me either

Live My Life

Omg more guitars

This time I feel like we’re more in Yena territory though

I’m getting serious rock ballad vibes here

Yeahhhhh there we go

I just love pop rock aespa

I wish they’d go a bit further into rap rock though, Regret of the Times is one of my favorite aespa projects ever

7/10, really fun, but underdeveloped

Melody

Ballad time?

Maybe so! This piano certainly suggests it

Aespa doing ballads has always felt kinda weird to me though, to be honest

And actually this kinda leans more slow jam, and we know how I feel about those

What’s this word? Is this the same word used as one of the high notes in Love Poem?

Now I’m curious

It is! “Moksori” means “voice”

And honestly it really did win me over by the end

8/10

[kyodentporc]

Hey unsure of where I wanted to post this but I wanted to do an update thing and to announce a couple of big things!

So I've been doing personal stuff at the moment, getting the whole house rearranged currently, and my room is the part I've been getting at for a while, I've also been recently taking good care of myself, finding myself and ensuring the best for me and both my physical and mental health. Once everything finally comes together and everything is in motion, I have 2 BIG things, 2 BIG projects that I have been working on. 1. Somewhere around September/October(i don't remember much) is where my friend @mooniestarrcat introduced me to the comic series that I've been enjoying reading a lot titled 'Sparklecare'. It only took a bit for me to ultimately decide the perfect way for me to share my appreciation for the series: Create a fan project of course. What was initially going to be a game, will currently be kept as a comic for the time being, as I'm still a MASSIVE rookie when it comes to gamedev, but as my gamedev skills improve enough, and people are interested, that is where I create the game version of it. Keep in mind the comic and game will be written a little bit differently, also my friend Moonie will help me with it too! 2. I don't know if people here on tumblr who are more than likely from the Sparklecare community know about my music, but on October 13th, 2023, I released my Nu Metal EP over on Bandcamp, which got only a little bit of traction that year, but regardless, I was real proud of it for it's time, even the self-proclaimed CEO of Nu Metal. Holiday Kirk gave my 4th song 'Necessity' praise!

Well good news for everyone who enjoyed my EP and people who still enjoy listening to my music, I am working on a whole ALBUM! YEP! that's right, a whole album. But it's not just your average joe album, it's one that I deeply connect with, one that has been healing me pretty well, and my main goal with this album is to share it with all of you and hopefully heal you too in some way. Right now I'm working on a demo which will be an EP with 5 tracks with two possible covers(will not guarantee on that) on Bandcamp, but after that and I'm done creating and mixing the tracks, I will release the official album that will have a total of 9 tracks(10 if you count the intro) not only on Bandcamp, but I'll see if I can get it on Spotify and YT Music too using a distributor, I might see if Distrokid is worth it! EDIT: I lied. I don't have an official setlist of tracks for both. Speaking on both of these HUGE projects, with the album released will be an end of an era for me, and the beginning of a new and improved one. However, despite me working on the Sparklecare fan-series before this era of mine ends will NOT mean that I'll stop working on it, both of these projects are an absolute passion of mine and it means a LOT to me, after all. Thank you to friends, family, everyone, even the Nu Metal CEO, for giving me that motivation and hope needed to finally bring me where I want to be, just like in my 4th song, 'Necessity'! Wish me luck, fellas! I've got a couple BIG things to do! Over and out, -

[scrawnsenior]

Oulton Park, April 2023. 

Some words following last weekend on the V2. It was always going to be a busy weekend for myself and the team. There were a few unknowns so I had to hedge my bets and run in two classes. My usual SSTK1000 class on the Suzuki was relatively simple. I knew my set-up from last year and the bike was all good following Silverstone so all I had to do was put tyres on and fuel it. The qualifying format for Oulton was changed but it didn't really affect me as I was never going to be top 18 in the stocks. Saturday was two sessions of 30 minutes in both classes. FP1 was dry for both. Stocks I was mediocre and way off PB pace but a good run out all the same. 

V2 was a little more troublesome. I was out on fresh rubber and went for a middle of the road guess at suspension. As soon as I came out of Cascades on the outlap I knew the bike wasn't right. 2nd, 3rd and 4th gear all came as normal with the quick shifter but when I went for 5th it wouldn't change up with the throttle open. I tried a couple more times but it continued to not cut the ignition on numerous up-shifts. Now I will ride a three legged donkey as long as it keeps going forward at pace so that's exactly what I did. At the end of the day it's a motorcycle and I know how to ride one without any aids. A simple roll of the throttle meant I could continue to ride without the QS. The blipper for the downshifts was still working so I didn't have to worry about a manual blip. I managed just 7 laps and then at the start of lap 8 when I was just getting going I went for 5th gear down Lakeside and there was nothing there. Physically nothing! The QS had snapped half way along and the lever went limp. I managed to get back to pits in 4th gear but that was session over. Job on for the crew to sort it for FP2. 

Conditions for FP2 for both classes were mixed so I didn't do many laps. I opted for intermediate tyres and spent most of both sessions dipping in and out of pit lane doing sighting laps to see if the circuit was drying. I left it until 15 minutes left to do a decent stint on the V2 and did my fastest lap of the session on the last lap. I did just the last 10 minutes on the stocker but decided discretion was the better part of valour and didn't really push. Most riders in both classes didn't even bother going out as they knew they would go no quicker than FP1. 

Qualifying for both classes consisted of Q1 and Q2. The Superstock and Supersport were back to back so potentially I could've been out on track for best part of an hour on two different bikes. Fastest 18 riders from FP1/2 automatically went through to Q2 and the remaining 27 had to slog it out in Q1 to try and be in the fastest 9 to move into Q2. It was wet, really wet so I took no chances on the Superstock bike. I used my board and did the bare minimum to qualify. I really didn't want to be in Q2 and realistically I know my place on the grid (somewhere near the back) so there was no point risking the bike, or myself, when I knew I had to qualify the V2 as well. Getting hosed down to get mud and grass off prior to a qualifying session on the Ducati was not on my agenda. I qualified P39 for the Stock grid. 

Once I'd had a drink and my mechanic ran to Parc ferme to get my transponder from the Suzuki I was ready to go. We put enough fuel in for the 15 minute session to keep weight down. That in itself was an indicator of my expectation levels. It turned out to be incorrect. I find new wet tyres a bit strange for the first couple of laps, probably psychological but I always go steady. I got faster as Q1 went on and dare I say it the V2 is a lot easier to ride in the wet than the Suzuki. I felt like I could run more corner speed and get on the gas harder and earlier. It just felt nice. I ended up pushing on and was blissfully un-aware my team mate had tucked in behind me. We both did our fastest lap on the last lap. I had seen P13 on my board as I crossed the line and was made up to do that considering it was my first time out at the BSB on the bike. Little did we both know we had made it through to Q2. We both had to go back to the awning in the paddock to re-fuel as teams are not allowed to re-fuel in pit lane. 

Q2 started promptly and as we were already up to speed with conditions and tyres we both went for it straight away. I decided to pull the pin a bit as the track seemed to be drying slightly. I got quicker lap by lap and again did my fastest lap on the last lap. Almost a full 3 seconds quicker to qualify 24th from over 40 riders. I think I have a wet set-up now that's for sure and the quick shifter seemed to behave itself. 

There was no Superstock race on the Sunday, just a 12 lap sprint race for the Supersport. The team got the bikes cleaned and prepped for a dry race as that's how it was looking but with about ten minutes to go the rainfall radar was showing wet stuff imminent. I made the call to change to wet set-up whilst the bike was still at the awning. It hammered down and we ended up getting held in pit lane for a considerable time whilst the circuit crew cleared standing water. We eventually got underway with an 8 lap dash. Again it was very wet but thankfully I'd had plenty of laps in the rain already so was up for a good old scrap. Turn 1 and 2 were bonkers in the middle of the pack, all I could see were a couple of rain lights. Just waiting for riders to go down in front of you is a challenge as decisions need to me made really quickly if it happens. Thankfully everyone got through Cascades and Island Bend and it all settled a little. I ended up getting passed by Tom Tunstall on his V2 and he gapped me initially. Now I've raced against Tom before and he is a good rider, I was consistently 5 or more places behind him in the Ducati Cup so I accepted the challenge and went after him. Riding behind someone for a few laps you soon get to see where they are weaker and I could see opportunity to pass. I got right up on his back wheel out of Shell Oils and tried to maintain that all the way through to Druids with a view to out braking him into Lodge. I didn't want to risk it at Hizzys on the brakes as the scope for going down and taking him with me was high. 

It took me a few laps to come up with plan but he knew, he kept staying towards the centre of the track into Lodge on the brakes to stop me trying to go under him. On the third to last lap I swapped to the outside. He was compromising his entry which in turn compromised his exit. I could ride a more sweeping line and get on the gas earlier after carrying the better corner speed. I figured I could make it work. Penultimate lap I did what I had planned and got on the gas hard down into the dip before Deers Leap to ride around the outside and out drag him to the line. Being a bell end I thought I was on the last lap and had beat him so I looked across as we crossed the line. He just kept chin on tank and it took me a split second to realise we had just started the last lap. I was way off line for turn one at that point so had to brake, re-position and get after him again. 

I managed to catch him and repeat exactly the same move even though he tried even harder to prevent me. 0.050 on the line is as close as it gets and P18 for a first result on the V2 was very welcome. 

Monday was decision time. I'm old compared to most of the other riders and as much as I feel 20 there's no way I could've ridden a 14 lap Superstock race then jumped straight onto the V2 to do 16 laps in the Supersport. I made the call to go to race office and pull out of the stock race. There are always reserves so it meant someone was going to get a race, it just so happened that one of John McGuiness's crew was in there when I went in. He got a slot which meant he got a race and more importantly a signature for the Island. He did well too, finished P20 from P40 on the grid. Significantly better than I would've done. 

I was starting P20 for what was to be a dry race and crucial dry track time with the right group of riders. I've not ridden in Supersport before but at the BSB you get to know the other riders in your class. I know a few in Supersport but most I don't so I was a little reserved the first few laps just in case there were any axe murderers out there. I just watched what was going on, took a few overtakes on the chin and got settled. I ended up having a lonely race. 4-5 second gap to the bikes in front and for most of the race a 20-30 second gap to the bikes behind. The exception was the last couple of laps where I caught and passed Harry Leigh. He was suffering arm-pump I think and he came back to me in the latter stages. I spent most of my race chasing lap times and working out how to get the best out of the bike. I tried different shift patterns, different braking and throttle techniques for various corners all to try and see what worked best for me and the bike. I finished P25 and bettered my lap time from Ducati Cup a few years ago. 

Overall I had a very good weekend on what is generally a new bike to me. The Supersport V2 is not really anything like the old 959. It has less power and what power it has it delivers in a different way I think. The wet map is very good but without traction control there is still scope for turning it upside down so even though the bike is nowhere near as powerful as the Superstock bike I still have a healthy respect for it. I am confirmed as riding it again at Donington BSB so I will build on my Oulton Park outing and start chipping away at little set-up gains to try and move further up the field. 

As always a huge thanks to True Heroes Racing for giving me the opportunity along with all the sponsors. Particularly Laguna Motorcycles, they have provided the team with FOC bikes since day one and I have had the pleasure of riding both 899 and 959 machines provided by them. It was good to be back on an Italian race bike again that they have provided. 

Action shot Matt Hallam, paddock and grid shots Paul Hunt. 

[himebushou]

I've basically been doing very little with my time besides watching Shaman King 2021 so phew, here are some thoughts on Episodes 10-32!

Episode 10

The bit with everybody hanging out at the inn was adorable, hee.

I LOVE BOZ THEY'RE SO FUNNY

It's odd that Yoh is already paying that much attention to "Hao" considering the name has come up once? But yeah...

Ryu comes back!! And damn, he already qualified for the main tournament?

Bason and Ren are too cute. Also, it's interesting to watch Ren's mindset change and hee, we get the showdown against Tao En!

Episode 11

Phew — Ren gets captured by his Pops and the Zoldyck vibes INTENSIFY.

I don't remember the Tao family having their own Super Sentai Squad, but hey, it tracks!

It's a bit of a shame that these battles were concluded so quickly, but it was cool to see Horohoro and Ryu's upgrades!

Can't believe Tao Rn squeezed that poor baby panda to death only for it to be resurrected as a zombie in the next scene! SHEESH!

Episode 12

This episode also went at THE SPEED OF LIGHT! I cant believe we got Jun's dramatic rescue and the whole Tao En reveal and fight in the same episode! I mean, at this speed, Ren's deep loyalty to the gang does seem a bit goofy, but hey, I'll deal!

Ryu saying, "Just what exactly do you think wavering is?" had me laughing so much, oh man.

Episode 13

How is SO MUCH happeningin EVERY EPISODE?

Yoh and the crew leave home!

They meet Hao!

They get dropped out of a plane!

They meet Lilirara, who's really cool! There's sone backstory!

They go on their way — AND THEN LILIRARA DIES???

Wild!!!!

Horohoro continues to be adorable and guh, I'm really enjoying watching the episodes dubbed... honestly, the dub iis really, really good!

Episode 14

WHEEE LYSERG THE DOOFUS IS HERE... to be honest he's a lil green Sherlock. Isn't it nice that everyone has a colour-coded Oracle Bell lol Yoh's is orange and Lyserg's is green... it's been like 15 years but I still don't know if I've forgiven him for what comes later. Whoops.

Anna is such a great character and I love how much bearing she has on the story.

New ending! And it's Iron Maiden Jeanne!!

Also, the goof with 6 years versus 8 years... Lyserg's parents definitely weren't killed 6 years ago, sheesh.

Episode 15

Okay, so this was one of the eps where the pacing was definitely painful. Anna got a (hodgepodge) version of Hao's backstory — honestly, why didn't Yohmei just tell her the whole deal if he was going to reveal so much? And then, she dealt with Hao's familiars SO QUICKLY that there was like. No threat to them at all. I was expecting more boom bang...

But she did use the 1080 beads! We love the 1080 beads!

Horohoro is just one of the best characters and I loved his upgrade, gosh. Again, we could have had a whole episode dedicated to his time with Apollo, rather than 10 mins. I also don't know HOW Ranger Bluebell knew bout him wanting to become the Shaman King since that wasn't discussed

For obvious reasons, Morphin is renamed Morphia in the dub, hue.

Episode 16

Not much that I can say about this episode (I was a bit sleepy when I watched it). Ryu is getting an upgrade — at lastl! And this episode had some of the humour I love from Shaman King: the whole bit with the vampiric guys was SO funny. "If there are only 5 in the group, why do two of them look the same?!" Yoh/Ren/Horohoro are such a darling trio.

Episode 17

/inhales

THE X-LAWS ARE HERE

WHICH MEANS MARCO IS HERE

WHICH MEANS... ERIC STUART!!!

And man I hate Marco (thought ťhe X-Laws are great villains who basically permanently impacted mine and my friends' psyches; they're a specific type of evil) but boy oh boy, it is sooo good to hear Seto Kaiba in an anime again, sobs.

Lyserg... tbh, I don't think I ever forgave his betrayal back from 2001; THERE'S STILL A PART OF ME THAT'S MAD. I wonder if I might feel differently this time around but I half-expected the little green bean to run off with the X-Laws in this very episode so I was a bit surprised when he didn't.

And then a surprise! Hao chatted to Anna and Manta and Tamao! Anna looks so cool with the sunglasses, lol. Though... I feel like Manta's being from money is largely a plot device (because how else would everyone get to the States)... but I often find this with rich/wealthy characters. sighs!

Oh, also! The Shaman King timeline is SO WHACK. Like, Ryu says to Yoh: "You forgot about me in Izumo which is when I trained to be a shaman." But here's the problem. I think Ryu only went to Izumo in the he first place to take Manta there and THEN he trained with Yohmei — but the flashback reveals that Ryu had to wait for a week to get Yohmei to train him (why is Mikihisa Like That btw) which means that. Yoh would have already been back and fighting and drawing against Ren and therefore concluding prelims in the same time that Ryu was supposedly waiting for Yohemi to train him? And yet Ryu somehow had an Oracle Bell AND qualified for the main tournament? While Ren had only completed two battles?

fudjdjd stuff like this drives me absolutely cuckoo I NEED WRITERS TO HAVE CHARTS AND TOURNAMENT TABLES AND TIMELINES AND ALL ELSE. URHFJFJD

Episode 18

JOCO!!! HEART EMOJIIIS

Anna slapping Hao with her free hand!

Mihihisa being revealed to be Yoh's dad!!

And the whole bit with Ren deciding the teams fhdjd man I am CRACKING UP!

(I rewatched some scenes in English and Japanese and wow, some of the changes are completely unnecessary fjdjd)

Episode 19

I... finally caught the Mic the Jaguar / Mic Jagger joke.

After almost 20 years.

SHEESH.

(I love Boz they're so funny fjljjd)

Episode 20

I never knew that Joco's backstory was so sad... my poor little guy...

I love how Ren pointed out that Horohoro did nothing, zero and zilch in the match dhdjd

Episode 21

Phew... to say that the X-Laws are brutal is putting it lightly... and looking at Jeanne and the way she was in this episode and knowing that she ends up with Ren is very. HUH?

I kind of can't believe just how laidback Yoh is sometimes. It kinda irritates me a tiny bit? Back in the day, I couldn't choose between Yoh, Ren and Horohoro for the Favourite Character Spot, but I'm not firmly Team Horohoro, ehe.

Poor Team Niles. Gosh.

Episode 22

Crying and sobbing... why won't Shaman King just give me. A TIMELINE? So now I discover that it's been TWO MONTHS since they were in the Patch village (???) and it's already the last battle of the first round of the tournament (???) and that Anna already taught Team Funbari Hot Springs EVERYTHING in Hao's big bad book (???) and? We didn't get to see any of that? Like I understand this decision if that's how it went down in the manga and the double OS was a major, unprecedented reveal, but if not... I LOVE A TRAINING MONTAGE. Give me these arcs...

Also, the dub's choices for which terms to leave in Japanese are messy. They use words like Onmyoji and Ultra Senji Ryakketsu, but 'Mana' replaces 'furyoku'... like I'm pretty sure the 4Kids dub used furyoku because it was a term I was v. familiar with.

Anyway, its nice to see a battle span two eps!

Episode 23

Wowee... this episode got me teary. Ryu's upgrade is NICE and Anna talking about the flexibility of Yoh's furyoku was so sweet. I also love the Icemen and their design — and it was particularly cute to see Pino and Horohoro chatting together at the end.

And then Hao's whole convo with Ren (the 4Kids dub called him Len and Yoh nicknamed him Lenny which was the cutest; gah, things I miss!) was really interesting

BUT WHY HAS YOH SOUGHT OUT LYSERG THE TRAITOR... ooft!

Episode 24

WAAAA WHAT A COOL EPISODE?

Okay, so it turns out that I was wrong about all the matches being over because this ep was HAO VS THE X-LAWS and damn, Hao using OXYGEN as his medium? That's bloody cool!!!

The OST in this ep was top tiiieeer and freaking — the X-Laws being humanised? A bit? I am SHOCKED.

Episode 25

Revelations galore... and Yohmei Tries to Commit Infanticide: Extended Edition.

Blimey. This anime is getting me so emotional.

(I love Horohoro I love what a good friend he is he is my FAVOURITE.)

Episode 26

WOW I LOVED THIS EPISODE.

The senior Asakura and Tao folks coming together to discuss Hao's bigtime book and the gang finally finding out about Yoh's origins! I got to see TAO RAN again (I love her) and freaking heck, Mikihisa is so cool? I guess jury has to be out with him a liiiittle bit because I've seen people commenting that he sucks. But. I have a major soft-spot for shounen dads (Goku, Echizen Nanjiroh, Van Hohenheim, Kurosaki Isshin...) and I reckon Mikihisa ticks cool points.

And freaking Ren! Why is everyone so cool??

Episode 27

NO TIME YO RECORD THOUGHTS MUST WATCH NEXT EP

Team Flower vs Jun / Anna / Tamao yeah!!

GOTTA SAVE REEEEN!!!

Episode 28

HOWLING

HOWLING!!

The Iron Maiden will save Ren (oh my GOSH — NOW, CERTAIN THINGS make more sense) and Yoh will be withdrawing from the tournament (?) and we got a new opening AND a new ending and Horohoro had that whole speech and buuu MY TEARS!

Episode 29

Mikihisa appears and just adopts everyone on sight and oh my gosh, the babies? Forget everyone else I want THEIR happiness and dhdhd what is this stuff about a golem?

HOW CAN I GO TO SLEEP WHEN THERE IS SO MUCH HAPPENING IN THIS ANIME

Episode 30

Ahhh we're entering a flashback! So this is what people were talking about when they kept bringing up "Osorezan Arc", huh?? YOH AND ANNA'S FIRST MEETING!

AND SHE WAS SO DISGUSTED.

Once again, the timeline is WHACK because there's really no way it can be the year 2000 at the time of the Shaman Fight unless I'm missing something huuuge... Yoh and Anna really should've been 8 when they met, not 10?

And I'm finally meeting Matamune!

But he was in the last Shaman Fight dhdhd i guess Hao couldn't have participated since he was a Patch that time but what happened at the fight 1000 years ago?

SO MANY MYSTERIIIES

Episode 31

Oh man, I can see why people were so obsessed with this arc... there is just so much emotion here from all sides: Matamune (having to defeat Hao!!), Yoh and Anna, Kino — everything.

You can see why Yoh and Anna are the dream team, wow.

Also, I looked up a timeline and I think I can make my peace with it being the year 2000 in canon... but the anime did not explain it AT ALL, which is pretty poor.

Episode 32

Wow.

Yoh and Anna are very, very special.

[joshuahyslop]

BOOKS

The last 10 books I’ve read:

1. Death In Her Hands - Ottessa Moshfegh I really enjoyed this book. Previously I’d only ever read a collection of her short stories and they were incredibly dark and depressing. This one is more of a mystery. It feels a little bit like watching an A24 movie. I kind of wish the ending had gone a different way, but it was enjoyable and very well written.

2. Stoner - John Williams I’d read another book by Williams a while back and hadn’t been particularly blown away but this book was recommended to me by multiple people over the last few weeks and then I saw it as a “staff pick” at my local used bookstore, so I went for it. It’s a lovely book, but I’m not sure the description on the cover, “The best novel you’ve never read” was really accurate. Good book. Not great.

3. The Creative Act: A Way of Being - Rick Rubin I’m having a bit of a tough time with this one. I like Rick Rubins work. I’m not sure how to feel about the man himself. He has a bit of a cult following and he’s really taken on this sort of guru-like persona over the past few years. This book is full of some really helpful and insightful ideas and ways of looking at art and creativity in general. But I can’t help feel it’s a little self-indulgent. Each chapter is, at most, 5 pages long, usually less, and there are blank pages between each chapter. A lot of paper could’ve been saved with this one. Still, you can’t argue with Rubin’s track record and the breadcrumbs he’s scattering here are absolutely worth picking up - I just don’t think there needs to be quite as much space between them.

4. Yellowface - R. F. Kuang My wife read this for her bookclub and recommended I check it out. She read it in a day so I figured I could put my very tall stack of books to read on hold for a minute. I read it in two sittings. It’s a very quick and easy read but that doesn’t mean it isn’t a good book. It’s written by a woman of colour from a white woman’s perspective. I won’t give anything away but it was very well done. It’s part thriller, part comedy, part drama, all the while dealing with creative liberty, plagiarism, and racism. I really enjoyed this one.

5. American Buffalo - David Mamet Every once in a while I get really into reading plays. I think there’s always been a part of me that wanted to be an actor but I was always way too insecure. I love going to live theatre and I try to pay attention to the scene as much as I can - even if I’ll never take the stage. This is a great play. The whole thing takes place in one room. It’s gritty and funny and brutal. Although I’ve read a lot about him I’d never actually read a play by David Mamet. He’s not for everyone, but I loved it. If you’re into plays and have any to recommend, send them my way.

6. The Missionary Position - Christopher Hitchens This is a quick read but definitely a worthwhile one. For one thing, I love reading Hitchens for his incredible ability to wonderfully articulate himself. For another, I love reading Hitchens because, to him, there is nothing sacred. Despite having what seems like a rather provocative title, this is a very grim and sober look at the life of Mother Theresa. Hitchens noted several instances of seeming hypocrisy and political opportunism in her religious life and decided to take a closer look, judging her reputation by her actions and words and not the other way around. I grew up admiring Mother Theresa - even when her journals full of doubts were published, I was encouraged by my church to continue believing because, "Even Mother Theresa doubts!". It wasn't until I went to India and volunteered at The Missionaries of Charity that things began to unravel for me. There was little to no medical care being extended to these kids and several passed away in the few days I was there. It was heartbreaking and confusing and it took a long time for me to begin to understand it. This little book helped.

7. The Caretaker - Harold Pinter Another play. I've never read anything by Pinter before but I've heard his name many times. I didn't particularly enjoy reading this play. It's kind of confusing and pretty uneventful. But once I'd finished reading it I looked it up on YouTube and saw a young Colin Firth performing one of the monologues from it and it was amazing. I'll be keeping my eye out to see this one live.

8. The Love Poems - Harold Norse A short while ago I was consumed (and not for the first time) by Bukowski's poetry. I couldn't stop reading it. I bought book after book and would go home and immediately dive in. Somewhere in all my reading I noticed he'd mentioned Harold Norse as one of the best poets to ever live. Being a massive fan of Bukowski's I decided it would be wise to read what inspired someone who’s inspired me. I'm not really sure what I was expecting, and - to be fair, I've only read this one collection (which, I should mention was SO generously gifted to me by a friend after I posted that I was looking for some of Norse's work) and in it's very title it suggests romance, but it wasn't this. It's very sexual and very confusing. Harold Norse was an openly gay man at a time when it was not openly accepted to be so. For that reason I found his writing brave as it deals mainly with issues of homosexuality. But, overall, I wasn't moved in the same way as I've been while reading Bukowski's. I have another book of his (which was also a gift from the same friend) so, we’ll see.

9. Why Grow Up? - Susan Neiman A small book but a lengthy read. It's been a while since I've jumped into the world of Philosophy. It's one I've always felt drawn to but then almost immediately overwhelmed by whenever I've dipped my toe. This was no exception. It's an unflinching look at ageing physically, emotionally and mentally and societies/politics role in either encouraging or discouraging growth and maturity in these areas. I enjoyed it and now I've got lots to think about.

10. Dangling in the Tournefortia - Charles Bukowski What can I say? I wasn't even looking for another book of his poems, a friend gifted it to me and I dove straight in. This particular book was released in 1981. It's not my favourite era of Bukowski's. He's no longer down and out, he's no longer hungry. He's living well and has a bit of a name for himself. Still, there are gems here. He wrestles with those very issues, he still has words in his soul. It's inspiring but in a different way. I'm glad I read it and I'm thankful for the gift from my friend, but I'm also glad that this wasn't my introduction to his work. I don't think this would've hooked me the way his early work did.

more soon, -joshua