#there's some muses i didn't add either because i forgot or because i have a main one

[juminies]

before I met you,

jumin finds that writing vows is somewhat more complicated than anticipated

jumin x reader, 1038 words, fluff

♡

He draws a single line through a sentence he’s written (rewritten) 10 times already. Huffs as he puts his pen down. He had been so confident about this a few hours ago!

Elizabeth 3rd jumps up onto his desk upon hearing his displeasure; knocks the pen to the floor as she does with a disconcerting clatter that makes Jumin wince slightly. She nudges her head against his arm. He retracts it and runs his hand through his hair, pushing stray strands out of his face, then returns it to to scratch under her chin. He rests against his other hand, squishing his face into a slight pout.

“Am I overthinking it?” he asks her. She leans into his pets, purring as he continues, “I feel this would be much easier if I had someone to run it by. V would be the obvious suggestion, but he’s almost impossible to get a hold of these days. I could request Assistant Kang’s advice, but I highly doubt she’d like to be involved with my personal business”—a pause—“and I forgot I gave her a vacation. Tsk.”

The feline leisurely stretches herself out over his notes in response.

His tone becomes more of an indirect musing as he adds, “Luciel already shared that link to the strange wedding forum which turned out to be relatively useless, and I can’t see Yoosung nor my father being particularly helpful in this area for vastly different reasons. Zen could have an idea because of acting… but no. I would rather not bicker over my wedding vows.” He bends down to pick up his pen from the floor. “Maybe I’ll keep him in mind as a last resort.”

Jumin knows how he feels about you. He feels it so, so deeply that there’s absolutely no mistaking it — love resonates from his very being when he’s so much as in your presence. What you’ve done for him, what you continue to do for him, there’s no doubt that you’ve changed him for the better. He only hopes he can continue to be the same for you. But how to express it in words barely comes naturally to him after so long keeping all emotion bottled away. It still feels a bit awkward, sometimes, even confessing his love to you aloud.

“You’re good with words,” you’d told him once. “Do you know that?” He does know, he told you. Being good with words had always been one of his strongest capabilities. It’s something he’s proud of. He’s succinct, confident, persuasive. Usually. For some reason when it comes to you he often finds himself practically tongue-tied. Not to mention he’s never been put in a position that makes him feel so vulnerable.

He looks back to Elizabeth 3rd. “I can acknowledge that you won’t be at all insightful either way, but I could at least use a practice audience.”

He gently shifts her off of the paper he’d been writing on and picks up the most recent draft, clearing his throat as his eyes scan over the first couple of lines.

“Before I met you, I—”

Then he’s interrupted by a soft piano melody drifting from his phone.

“Jumin,” you chime when he picks up. Hearing you call his name immediately washes away the discontentment he’d been feeling just moments prior. “I texted you a little while ago but you didn’t respond, so I thought I'd call in case you didn't see. I just wanted to let you know I’ll be there soon. I know you don’t like sudden interruptions much.”

“Considerate as always. Thank you.”

“You better not have been working on your day off.”

He smiles. “Not a morsel of C&R related activity is going on here, don’t worry.”

“Good. I’ll see you in thirty minutes, okay?”

“Thirty?” he asks.

There’s a long pause before you admit, “...An hour.”

“Alright.” A warm chuckle. “I’ll see you then.”

“I love you!”

“I love you too.”

—

“Forty-seven minutes,” Jumin confirms as you let yourself into the penthouse. “I’ll try to be more precise next time,” you tease as you walk into the kitchen and begin to carefully unpack two slices of cheesecake from the bag you’d been carrying them in. You click your tongue upon noticing one of them is slightly messed up from the journey over.

“How was your morning?” Jumin asks. He leans to rest on the kitchen island beside you.

“I met a nice older woman while I was browsing in the bakery nearby. She stopped me to tell me I look like C&R Jumin Han’s wife.”

“Wife?” he echoes. He likes the way the word feels, he’s come to find. “What did you tell her?”

“Well I was a bit surprised. Nobody has ever told me I look like your partner rather than just asking if I am. Typically I try to avoid answering, because I don’t know who’s asking. Of course I’m proud beyond belief to be marrying you”—you bite back a smile as his face lights up—“but you know how I am with not wanting to draw too much attention to myself. I just wanted my cheesecake.”

“Beyond belief?” Jumin asks.

“Of course,” you reiterate, leaning in quickly to press a kiss to his lips before turning around to grab dessert plates from a cupboard. “But that’s besides the point! I wasn’t in a hurry, and she seemed sweet, so I laughed and told her I actually am his fiancée.”

“What did she say?”

“She didn’t believe me!”

“Oh? How dare she accuse my dearest wife-to-be of being a liar.” There’s a grin on his face when you turn back to him that couldn’t possibly disguise the fact that he finds it just the slightest bit amusing. “We ought to track her down and tell her off.”

“We could invite her to the wedding to prove a point,” you suggest as you move the cake to the plates and slide Jumin the less beat-up piece. Something about the gesture makes the idea of finishing his vows seem a lot less intimidating all of a sudden.

He switches his plate with yours before speaking again. “The more people who get to see you make me your husband the better.”

[walkingstackofbooks]

DS9 4x20 The Muse thoughts (I’m re-watching, so beware spoilers for future episodes!) [12 July ‘23]

I had no idea Jake's mind-nomming happened in the same episode as the Lwxana/Odo marriage - okay let's gooo!

"I won't let him do it, Odo." "Who? What?" I guess being telepathic, she might forget she actually has to start from the beginning of a story and explain it rather than have people pick up from what she's thinking?

This alien talks in the weirdest way. I'm glad Jake starts out uneasy, at least.

I hate when Jake picks something over spending time with his dad. Like, it checks out, he *is* a teenager, but Sisko's always so disappointed 😭

"What do you want me to do about it?" "Either cheer her up or get her to leave." Love how Quark thinks Odo could cheer her up rather than just be security getting her to leave.

Oh!! At Quark's request Odo does go and give up his routine and free time to make her happier :3 I do love these two.

Odo's war with himself over being unpleasant to ward her off from his quarters but also not wanting to. :3

"Major Kira and First Minister Shakaar are involved now." "How sad." "Not at all. I'm happy for her." For most of the time Odo is actually such a good bro. I don't like the framing later on that he somehow 'deserves' Kira just because he likes her, but he really is so respectful.

"Well, just don't go do what I did. Look for someone to fix your broken heart then end up pregnant and on the run." "I don't think there's too much danger of that happening." His little laugh. I am sad he and Lwxana couldn't be together.

"[I feel] Like a changeling who's had to hold his shape too long." It's sweet that she puts it in understandable terms, I think?

"Lwxana? Your replicator isn't really broken, is it?" Aww it took you that long? Call yourself a detective XD

"I'm sorry if I made you feel unwelcome." You literally did less to make her feel unwelcome than you do to any other person who comes your way though!

Oh damn I had paused this halfway through and once again forgot Jake's storyline was the other half of this episode!

Why do I feel like that pen should write in Jake's blood?

This alien is so creepy and I hate this so so soooo much

Haha! Odo laughing! I love how much they enjoy each other's time

Why not lie to Lwxana's husband, and tell him that she's not here??

IT'S ODO'S IDEA TO GET MARRIED??? I HAD THOUGHT IT WOULD BE LWAXANA! HE IS THE SWEETEST

Odo's so tender as he helps her up to the stage thing!

Miles' uncertain look at "add her to what is mine"

Quark's wistful sigh at Odo's "I didn't need anyone else."

"The truth is, I was ashamed of what I was, afraid that if people saw how truly different I was they would recoil from me." *camera pans to Julian* OH THESE TWO GIVE ME FEELINGS. They would just have the ability to relate so hard to each other! Tell me that that quote couldn't belong to Julian in DBIP.

"The day I met her is the day I stopped being alone." *Kira looks down* Oh, I wonder what she's feeling about that. Because she definitely thought they were good friends.

I am still surprised the husband doesn't fight harder. All he needs to do is doubt it. I guess some part of him really did love Lwxana?

"What can I say? I'm a hopeless romantic!" Really, Quark? Sure.

"You know, for a minute there, I really believed you wanted to marry me." Oh, he DID.

"Orange juice." Sometimes Jake does things that make me remember how young he is. (Even though I'd be ordering apple juice all the time though... But everyone else usually guess got tea or coffee or alcohol.)

At least Jake's in a public place when he collapses. Glad he didn't go back to his quarters.

"He was the youngest I ever found. So eager, ready to give everything he had in one great burst." Apart from he hadn't agreed to give everything, he didn't know that was what you were doing and he wouldn't have consented if he had!

"You really should stay." "I'll miss you, too." Ohhh. Lwxana's ability to cut to what Odo is feeling.

"I could stay, try to make you fall in love with me, but we both know that won't happen. Then I'd end up resenting you, and our friendship is far too important for me to let that happen." I love these two so much though ❤️❤️

"The dialogue is sharp, the story's involving, the characters are real. The spelling is terrible. I especially liked the father." SISKO :3 I love his dad-ing

"All you need to do is learn to find them by yourself." Sisko is such a wonderful dad. And so good at advice and saying the right thing!

Anslem - he wrote that in the alternate timeline where Sisko dies? But on his own? I guess in that timeline, at this point was he too sad for the alien to find him an alluring target? I like how we know it's his - and I'm guessing Sisko does too from his memories of that timeline. :3

[the-hummelverse]

In terms of the hummelverse.com website, it's online again by the way! Been online for a couple months again already actually after the catastrophic failure and year-long downtime caused by moving it over from my previous hoster. But I didn't have any time to do much needed post-move maintenance so far, which I am slowly catching up with now.

Notes:

The website is now SSL-enabled (using https instead of http), but this doesn't really change anything except that some browsers/extensions should now be less likely to act like it's a malicious page trying to steal your credit card data... (This was genuinely the main reason why I had to change hosters, since the previous one would have charged me 10€ per month extra for it when most others out there have it as a free default for your contract???)

I thought the newsletter signup form was broken, but it only doesn't show up when I use Firefox on my desktop PC so maybe my adblocker is overly zealous. I haven't been writing any newsletters lately partly because of that, but now that I know the signup form isn't actually broken, I'll try to get back into the habit. That means if you cannot see it either on the homepage, please try a different browser or check if one of your browser extensions might be blocking it!

The art gallery works again, but uploading the images is very tedious and time-consuming. I forgot to move over the folder that contained all the images on the server, so I had to wipe the database and have to re-upload them all. It shouldn't interfere with the functionality of the website otherwise, though.

The tumblr post feed on the website is broken and I don't really know how to fix it since the API seems to have changed and I am not fully able to wrap my head around the new code. There's a chance that I'll figure it out eventually but it's very low priority for me right now, especially since I set up a webhook for the HV discord server that does the same job but in a more convenient manner.

The pages for the LEGENDS card game are there on the server, but I have to rework and update them with more current content/info. I'll do that as soon as I'm able and will add a link to the homepage once that's done. But it leads me to the next and last point:

As I've mentioned before I want to look into alternative solutions for selling/distributing both my books and my trading card game and the merchandise (bet most people didn't even know there IS merchandise....look, I'm very bad at this whole marketing think, ok?). There's also other Hummelverse things floating around like the free short horror video game I made ages ago and the pen&paper ruleset, for example. I am thinking of adding a sort of "hub" to the homepage that either provides a proper and complete list of links to all these miscellaneous things, or maybe even find a way to consolidate them onto my own website as completely as possible. This is still in the early musings phase, so don't expect to see much of this until a couple months down the line...

[catboii]

(( hi to anyone who forgot they were following this DEADass blog!!

I've obviously not been on here, or on any RP blog at all, in forever. I'm gonna put this weird update(? more like a note to myself) under a cut, in case it gets kinda long... I might add updates to it later because there's alot I want to say. but I doubt anyone who would've been interested back when I was active, is still around (not to be negative! I don't expect them to be, I hope everyone I hung out with is living their best life!!) but I don't really know where else to collect my mess of thoughts on this character (I only sort of use twitter atm? and char limit lol), so for now, I'll post it here, and if I ever wanna link back to it, it's all neat and together...

if you've forgotten what this blog used to be since I changed URL and icons etc the last couple times it was active, it was Catboii, then before that SolicitorC. I have no idea if this character is actually dead, or if it is still out there somewhere, living it's best life (hopefully) maybe one day I'll tie up the loose ends, and finally set it free.... who knows

the reason I'm here, thinking about this character so fondly again, is I've actually been tentatively thinking about. writing things. again. I've been reading Homestuck fanfics again recently (i know right? in 2023?? what the shit) I doubt anyone who followed me on this blog knew me back on my other RP blogs, where I occasionally mentioned my fanfics (from 10 years ago aparently, mostly 2013 wow)..... most of which I'm embaressed about today so some I've orphaned, but the experience and practice was good in the long run

but the point is I've been thinking about writing something in my spare time (which I don't have much of, and I have multiple mental things that mean I have to re-read and correct and rearrange things I write like a million times. so far I've taken nearly 2 hours <now nearly 4 including eating and moving from upstairs to downstairs back upstairs...> to write and re-read this post, and I'm nowhere near done yet.... I'm gonna try to not be so anal about how this lays out because I've moved some paragraphs around and it sometimes doesn't make sense, but it literally doesn't matter! this is mostly just so I can look back on it in the future and be like, "oh yeah, I did that...")

I was thinking about trying to write some original fiction about one particular set of fantasy characters I have, and I like to remember the inspiration for their origins, so here we are.....

people who actually know me know I'm a HUGE slut for recycling characters. I have OCs who've been in literal hundreds of AUs, with either the same characters as always, or some different ones. and alot of my OCs, surprise surprise, started off as Tumblr RP muses.

I actually have a new version of this character, completely off tumblr or any other platform as of yet. although now he's completely diverged and I've created an entirely new timeline, new history, some actual lore of where he's come from and WHAT HE IS (finally) and how some of my other characters fit into the "universe". and I'll be honest, I did take some inspiration from some chatacters we met along the way. they have different names, I've changed their personalities somewhat, some are just loosely based off of the "concept" of a character we met, or the kind of relationship or interactions they had with my/other characters around,,, and they may not fit together with each other in this universe the way they did on Tumblr because they're not them, but the inspiration that I got from the interactions our characters had, had a big impact on the way this character has evetually turned out. I have BPD and "favourite people" reaches to more than just actual real life people for me, it reaches to characters, and I did have some "favourite muses" that really stuck with me, even if my muse wasn't a fan or they didn't really interact. there were also characters that my muse was really into, that I personally wasn't a fan of, but still mean alot to me and our progression

I obviously don't wanna just straight up plagierise someone else's character, and that wouldn't make sense anyway.... I can't copy someone else's character, and even if I COULD, they were probably fandom muses, which wouldn't work here in our new world. I can make up new characters, self indulge for the purposes of progressing my other character's stories... but that feels empty and pointless. these characters STILL hold a special place in my heart? and so some kind of weird tribute, without actually telling the person who made them, just makes sense to me I guess.... I wasn't gonna out mysef like this tbh, because to some people it might sound bad, I have alot of other characters who I've basically done the same thing with, took some loose inspiration from some OCs/fandom muses someone else made, and put some bits and pieces of them together in a completely different character of my own. I have a couple who are still mildly reminiscent of the originals, or are a very close paralell (with my own quirks), which I actually did get permission from the original creators to use and change... sometimes I think about actual TV or book characters who these smaller characters remind me of, and other RP blog characters or OCs, put bits of these characters together, then pick them apart, thinking about how they grew up, their family, friends, how that would've formed them as a person... frankensteining them together into some kind of guilt-free brain baby. this is essentially how you make characters, right? they're even initially inspired by real people, or real people's traits or personalities... then you squish them up and mould them into something else? it's not like I'm profiting off someone else's hard work and creativity... idk I don't really know how I feel about it.

for me, making characters is more than just "welp I need someone to be this guy's friend for a few chapters", they're a big part of the story, each one of my characters need to have some kind of background. even if that background is that we don't know anything about them for whatever reason.

anyway... back to the point I was getting to.

Tii, or Kiity, started off as... sort of a weird social experiment (at least that's what I'm calling it as a joke) on how out of character I can make a "normal" homestuck AU character, and not feel even the slightest bit bad about it. until I did.

the full timeline from when I was actually active is here but if you're not into long rambling explanations, here's, something..... (spoiler this turned into way longer than the timeline page, but this one has actual me in it, and my thoughts, rather than a sorta,,, emotionless list) if you DON'T wanna read the full timeline, but would like to read about my NEW character, I'll put this between these squigglies, and you can just skip it

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

homestuck stuff (so if you don't get HS then I'm sorry!): he started as just a normal post-game Sollux but he was god tier, didn't remember anything from the game or where his friends were, but couldn't die! fun! while he'd had the blog he got one of those pesky magin anons which turned him into a literal catboy, which he was actually really into bc people gave him alot of attention, so we made it permanent, there was some stuff with an Alternian uprising, human troll experimentation, he had his own lab, did experiments with parasites, especially brain worm type deals, I think this Sollux (I've had a few) didn't have Psionics? bc I'm a sucker for broken bois, it's been such a long time that I don't remember much myself. there was a phase with quadrant prostitution, hence the blog title "Solicitor". the first URL is where the nickname Lit came from. totally accidental but "it's Lit" was a great tag line. there was alot of memory loss in here, a universe's Signless manipulating Lit's memories to his own advantage... I have a terrible memory myself, and forgetting important things is a big fear of mine, so I thought I'd vent it out as a plot point, again, fun! it was also a handy plot ploint to let Lit forget muses who went inactive, rather than waiting around for them to return (since he was clingy but I'm realistic and have no problem if someone has a real life)

no more homestuck: there's a climax point where Lit was manipulated by a demonic creature called Kreed, which mostly happened off-blog. partially because I was too cringe thinking "lol demons" to actually go very far with it publicly. but in the end it worked out in my favour, because the story was getting REALLY DEPRESSING, and it was sorta going stale... this is where I dropped fandom and made Tii an OC, I was sort of feeling weird about the whole fandom thing since the character didn't feel like the actual canon character at all, with the memory loss and the manipulation. it was totally in character and it was story/character progression, but it didn't feel right calling it Sollux anymore, and honestly it was a little restricting.... it wasn't out of place though, because other people were making their fandom characters OCs around this time, rather than just starting up a whole new blog for the OC, having to get followers/interaction from scratch... you know, the grind.

there was a while at this point where Tii thought it was happy? but honestly no, it wasn't, and it was dragging me down a bit, which is why I kept dipping out, and I made a couple of ther blogs around this point. in general the blog experience was good, most of the interactions were great, but I'd put too much,,,,, brain? into emotions and the afterthoughts. I got too in my head, and in Tii's head, about the past. there were toxic muses that Tii dwelled on, and even if I tried to erase the memories, they would still pop up on it's dash and it would start a spiral, there would be posts on the vent blog regarding these people and Tii would be like "WHO DIS??" which was partially funny, but in the end exhausting.... it turned out, what I was *hoping* would be a superpower (forgetting traumatic events) turned out to be Tii's downfall.... I decided to go no-contact with my own character at some point. mostly I was just genuinely too busy, but I started to pop back on every now and again on mobile to see how things were going, say hi to a couple people, but eventually it would all start spiralling again, and it just wasn't enjoyable. I tried making another blog for an OC, which I don't think I even finished setting up before I decided I just didn't have the time or energy to start up.... but that's not Tii stuff, so nevermind that

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

today, Furui is a Nekomata (with some shapeshifting abilities), in a world where maybe 2% of the population is some kind of fantasy creature, living in hiding. most can blend in with general society, so humans think it's WAY less than that, although they know they're around...

I have a few "main characters", including Keisuke, who was a boy who grew up at the family temple/shrine (I'm not too familiar with Japanese culture, and I'm not about to pretend I am, so I forget which it is) where Furui lived back when he was an actual, literal cat. he frequented the site, even though his family told him not to go alone as the ghost of a black cat haunted it. it was actually just a Yokai. so much better... the Yokai grew quite fond of Keisuke, and hung around him, let him put a handmade collar on him so he could hear the tinkling bell when he was around. although Keisuke moved abroad to study when he was older, and when he returned after several years, the cat was gone. at some point, Furui, not understanding human language, so thinking Keisuke had just forgetten about him (even though he did try multiple times to say he was leaving,,, )and other humans pestering him and trying to chase him out, had gotten fed up, and turned into a malevolent spirit, burning down the temple/shrine, and killing several humans who'd tried to harm him

on a lighter note, fast farward a couple years, there's some goofy intro where Keisuke meets Furui in a human form, but he's an absolutely terrible human impersonator. they somehow end up being buddies and Keisuke teaches him how to person etc etc story things.

there are other main characters like Lyric the sweet but secretly manipulative Siren, or "Lyra" to humans. then there's Denali the reluctant Werewolf who I've actually toyed with being the protagonist. they have a complicated relationship where Lyric doesn't want Denali to be so self destructive (drinking and sleeping around), and doesnt actually know that he's a literal werewolf. because he won't tell her. he's worried she'll absolutely freak out about him getting hurt or hurting people... what he doesn't realise is she's just using him and has got him wrapped around her little finger, because she thinks he's just another stupid human. he, of course knows she's NOT a human, but think he's special, and she would NEVER use her powers on him.

Furui and Keisuke move abroad to [wherever I decide this takes place] where Lyric, Denali, and a bunch of other characters live. Furui quickly befriends Lyric because he can smell non-humans, being a cat and all, meets Denali and finds out he hasn't told Lyric his secret, so (as he's not a human, so doesn't have human values of trust and camaraderie, and is... not a nice person in general) threatens to out him if he doesn't play along with his games.. those games, being he's been the dark creature slowly picking off the werewolf packs roaming the streets killing people. one of those packs, being Denali's own. Furui takes great pleasure in making the guy choose between his relationship with Lyric, who he thinks he feels more than just platonically for, or his pack. this of course has alot of ways it could go, and I haven't fully decided.... but it's fun to theorise.

originally, Furui had a huge crush on Denali (which was gonna end in some kinda violent throwndown between him and Lyric), because in my mind he started out as this huge confident wolf boy, and who doesn't wanna fuck a werewolf, but as time's been going, he's been showing his vulnerabilities, and Furui will absolutely not be into anyone who is scared of anything, especially if it's not tangible... he's a ilteral spirit, he can't die or be killed. he toys with death on the daily, and I have a couple of quick little drabble scenes written up already (to get it out of my system) of him being absolutely annihilated, only to grotesquely and noisily pull his dislocated/broken limbs back into their sockets, and raise up from the ground gushing blood and bits of his insides all over the pavement.... you can't be second guessing your words in case you hurt someone's feelings around someone like that, if you want them to respect your physical prowess. on one hand, I like big confident scary Denali, but I also like confidence being a front, and secretly vulnerable doggo boi. it's a hard life.

anyway I'm just ranting now, and it's been.... like literally over 5 hours. I started writing this at half 4ish? and it's 10pm now. I feel better though, like I got something out of my system, and I got some of my story thoughts down, instead of just letting them swim around in my head then be forgotten.

if anyone did read all this for whatever reason, then I hope you have a great day, and thankyou for sharing this with me ...

[natsglorifiedsimp]

Birthday Wish

A/n: This is an idea I got from a post on Facebook I think and well here it is.

Taglist: @diaryoflife @xxromanoffxx @lissaaaa145 @fxckmiup @simp-erformarvelwomen @mmmmokdok @sayah13 @karmasgxrl

Warning: uhm really angsty and sad and sad and really sad. Mentions of neglect of child, suicide, and death. Let me know if it should add more.

It's your mom's birthday.

What would a 7-year-old give her?

You have been taking down notes of what would your mom want. The reason why the page was full of scribble is that you don't know what she wants.

Why you don't know what she wants?

Because you guys don't even hang out. Your mother somehow loves you in a different way it seems.

She often tells you to go do something else when you ask for her time. Or leave her alone so she could focus on her work. Or just don't talk to you.

It could go months or years like she forgot she have a daughter. She somehow just remembers you there when you ask for her to give you attention which by the way just seems to irritate her.

Today though you wanted her to not be pissed at you for the gift you're gonna give her. Every birthday you give her cards or cupcakes which she either throws away or burns.

But somehow no matter how you rack your small brain no ideas would come up. So for a solution, you decide to survey the team cause somehow they know your mom more than you.

Most of them said 'give her a card'. Or just 'give her a hug and wished her happy birthday' which is all you did and still pissed her off.

Until you came across Steve. Who by the way always know what to say.

"Uncle Steve?" you whispered, peeking by his office door.

"Yes," he replied in the same manner.

"How do I know what to give mama for her birthday?" you tilted your head, still outside his office to give him some privacy like you always do with your mom.

"Come here" he ushered. You timidly made your way to him your head bowing cause you were not used to people letting you in their office.

He lifted your chin for you to look him eye to eye. "Give your mama something special" he mused. "Something she always wanted and make sure the gift comes from the heart." he mused, pointing at your chest.

You pondered, furrowing your eyebrows in deep thought. And then it clicked.

"Thank you, Uncle Steve" you exclaimed, running out of his office. The man couldn't help but chuckle.

""

Something your mom always wanted was what she tells you every day. How could you be so stupid?

What she always wished for was something you never thought could make her happy. No matter how she says it, even if she changes the word and its sentence. It holds the same meaning.

You hesitated for a minute but you knew this is what she wants. It's not about you, it's about making her happy and she will never be mad at you. Anything so she wouldn't be mad right?

""

Natasha came home after her mission. Tired and drained out. She was surprised you didn't greet her at the door. She exhaled satisfyingly. You probably learned not to bother her when she's home from a mission.

Tired and worn out she slowly made her way to her room, rubbing her eyes to hopefully pry her eyes open so she could do her nightly routine before sleeping.

Opening the door she flicked the switch on to properly see where she's going.

Her eyes which were once loopy and tired were now widened at what she saw. Her mouth was agape and an audible gasp left her lips.

You were in her room.

Hanging

Natasha didn't know what to do. It seems like her world became frozen and it was your hanging body and her that was only moving.

You were pale and lifeless. Your eyes closed and somehow you look in peace.

She never moved. Never moved a single muscle. She was only moved when she was nudged by Tony also the sleep-deprived person who's always up no matter what time of the day.

Noticing the redhead and curious at what the redhead could be so scared about that she froze. He also looked up seeing your limp body.

Tony franticly called the team and instruct Friday for medical assistance. Everyone was running around in a panic. Shouting and panic rambling can be heard all around the compound. But all of it was muffled in Natasha's ear.

The team can even get a hold of her so she guided her to the bed and leaves her alone for a while.

When everyone was out a lone tear escaped her eyes and followed by a series of tears she can't control. She sobbed and wailed. And she somehow couldn't stop it no matter how she tried.

She cried until no tears were left. She stared nowhere until she saw a colorful letter on her side table. Written on it was "HAPPY BIRTHDAY"

She knew it was yours. She shakily opened it and cried once more.

Dear Mama,

Happy Birthday, mama! I know I shouldn't make a letter cause you hate it and you'll probably burn this off. But I just wanted this to be a tradition to give you a letter every birthday and since this is my last one I had to do it. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I always make you mad mama. I didn't mean to. I'm sorry you had to take care of me like you always say. I didn't really wanna go but you have to have what you want for your birthday right? I hope this finally makes you happy mama. And I hope this also doesn't make you mad like the last gifts I gave you.

I just don't know how to make you happy mama. And this is what you always wished for and that needs to come true. Thank you for taking care of me mama. I'm sorry you had to.

I love you mama even if you don't love me back.

Your daughter,

Y/n

""

She doesn't know how to feel. Everything she said to you all replayed in her brain. Every nasty thing and every neglect. All was there.

Wishing you were never born, never alive, and wishing she killed you herself. That we're just a few of them.

All of it was the other way around.

Now she wished

It was her hanging

[killiansprincss]

Never Forget You ch.14

Season 6A Canon Divergence.

Emma is happy. Finally happy with her parents, son and boyfriend. But this happiness is taken away from her when the Evil Queen curses her and turns her into a toddler.

Heartbroken and angry, Killian and Henry run away to Neverland to wait for Emma to break her curse.

But when she does break it and comes looking for them 25 years later, she soon realises this Neverland is very different now it is no longer under Pans rule.

Will she be able to save Henry and Killian in time, or will this new ruler of Neverland keep them hostage forever?

Hi all here is the newest chapter in Neverland fic and it is angsty from here on out ;)

this fic means the world to me it brings me such joy writing it so if you liked it please let me know I’d love to hear what people think of it!

Link to AO3

“So I still don’t understand why she wants to keep the two of you?” Snow asks the next morning at Henry’s treehouse.

 Killian and Henry look at one another, “You want to tell them the truth, Lad, or should I?”

Henry looks over at his family, “It’s my blood that has allowed us to stay for so long, I’ll tell them.”

“Blood? Excuse me?” Emma asks ready to murder the fairy.

“It’s okay love. Listen.” Killian says putting his hand on her back. It felt like normal again, with his hand finding the spot on her back that always managed to calm her. David and Snow were glad to see them all working together again.

“Gold told us that because I still have the heart of the truest believer, a few drops of my blood would restore the youthfulness of this place. So when we came here, I gave a few drops, but it needed more. I sorta passed out because a voice was telling me it needed more blood.” Henry explains, but seeing the look on his mother's face, he then quickly adds, “But I was totally fine, Killian saved me before it was too late. But now I think our time is running out, if I don’t give this Island more of my blood then the fairies can’t stay here and the magic will be gone.”

“Not too dissimilar from Pan then.” David comments. “So how do we defeat her?”

“I have a theory I’ve been sitting on for a while, but it’s dangerous, and I don’t want a repeat of History.” Killian says gesturing towards David.

“No. No. No.” Snow yells. “I almost lost my husband once, we can’t risk it.”

“It might be the only way.” David tells his wife. “Do you want to get off this Island as a family?”

“Okay someone fill me in please. Unless you forgot, I was not born when this happened!” Neal interrupts.

“Dreamshade.” Emma tells her brother. “It’s Neverland's most deadly poison. Dad got infected last time and almost died.” She turns back to Killian, “But the water saves you as long as you stay on the Island, so how does that help us?”

“Wait hold on-Dad got poisoned? And almost died?” Neal suddenly realises there is so much about his family that he didn’t know about.

“I have a concentrated dose on my ship that I’ve been working on. In theory, even if she does drink the water, she can’t leave, she cannot try and stop us.” Killian explains.

“A concentrated dose like the one you gave Gold in New York?” Emma asks, smiling fondly at the memory.

“Aye. Except, a much stronger dose. Hopefully to a fairy, the dose will reach her heart much faster than it did the Dark One.” He looks over to David and Snow. “I’m fully aware that it could go wrong and I don’t want to put you in any danger.”

“We’re aware of the danger, but it’s nothing we haven’t faced before. We can handle a fairy.” David says confidently.

“With all due respect Gramps, these fairies aren’t like blue or any of the other fairies in the Enchanted Forest or Storybrooke.” Henry explains, worrying about their newfound confidence. “In Neverland they play by different rules, they use dark magic, darker magic than mom used as a dark one.

_________

Cecelia was angry.

She didn’t like visitors. Especially if those visitors were the ones trying to take away the magic that kept her alive in her home.

She needed a way to stop her new visitors, especially the blonde who was taking the pirate away.

Normally she would spend her nights in Pixie Hollow with her sisters, but she had a feeling the blonde wasn’t going away. At the end of the night, she flew over to the Lost Ones clearing and what did she see? The blonde with Hook. This could not happen. She needed a plan to separate the two of them, get the blonde back to wherever she was headed, and keep Hook and the boy here.

—

Pan was a nightmare. He was ruining her Island, though he called it ‘his Island’. He had been here a hundred years and already the Island had changed, the pixie dust was running out, in another hundred years or so the Island would likely die. Pan was apparently searching for a boy that would save the Island, but Cecelia didn’t buy into it-prophecies are 99% of the time wrong, if this boy ever did show up she wonders if he would save the Island.

Thankfully Pan was not able to enter her safe haven. And neither could Tinkerbell since her wings and magic were gone. She could easily avoid her, and if she did see her again, what could the little green fairy do anyway she was powerless. But it did affect her access to fairy dust, he used most of it on his pack of Lost Boys who were typically using it to fight with real weapons, or use it to battle the Pirates that were now stuck on this Island.

Cecelia decided she was sick of hiding in Pixie Hollow, she wanted to see what Pan had done to her home, and see if she could stop it. That’s when she saw him for the very first time. The Pirate. With a Hook for a hand. He was dressed in all leather, a red vest with a large black leather coat and leather pants. He had scruffy black hair and eyes as blue as the sea in Neverland cove.

She transformed into human size so she could follow him. He was with another pirate, this one short and stocky, blue and white striped shirt and a red hat. Not nearly as gorgeous as the man with the silver Hook. She tried to understand what they were saying, something about a weapon, a dagger.

“The dagger is the only weapon that can defeat him. If I can get my hand on it I can skin myself a crocodile at last. I just need a way off this blasted Island.” The one with the Hook said, he sounded angry, whatever this crocodile was, was sure to be a force to be reckoned with.

“Even if Pan gives us a way off this Island, how do you plan on getting the dagger? Baelfire said-“ the shorter man begins to say before the Hooked pirate cuts him off.

“Don’t say his name.” Whoever this Baelfire was, he clearly made a lasting impact on the Pirates lives, the way he sounded upset by the thought of him.

“Sorry Captain. But say we get back to the Enchanted Forest, how do you plan on getting the dagger if he has it on his possession?” Ahh it made sense now, the Hooked Pirate was a Captain, the way the smaller one almost quaked with fear when speaking to him.

“I have a plan.”

One moment Cecelia is walking a fair few paces behind the two pirates, hiding in the darkness so they don’t see but still within earshot, and the next moment the leather clad Pirate had a dagger to her throat and her back against the nearest tree.

“Who are you and why are you following me?” The Pirate asks. It was the leather clad Hooked pirate, the smaller one had scurried ahead leaving just the two of them in the hot Neverland Jungle.

Cecelia laughs as she clicks her fingers and the dagger against her throat disappears and reappears in her own hand.

“A fairy.” The Pirate states, not asks, as he takes a step away from her.

“You know of my kind?” Cecelia asks him with a seductive smile.

“I’m not fond of fairies. Especially the ones I’ve met on this Island.” The Pirate sneers.

“Let me guess Tinkerbell?” Cecelia asks, she assumed Tink was the only fairy who would run into a pirate, but she couldn’t be sure, she needed to protect herself in case there was someone working for Pan who would report her.

The Captain laughs in a husky tone, “not a fan of her either I take it?”

Cecelia shrugs, “she’s not my friend, but she may see me as an enemy.”

“Whatever did you do to the poor girl?” The captain asks. He was very handsome, Cecelia had encountered many pirates in her life, yet none quite like this one.

“Well like Pirates I’m sure, a fairy never reveals her secrets.” Cecelia was flirting, the Captain was sure of it, so he decided to flirt back.

“Hmm secrets are a delicate thing. Is your name a secret too, or do I get the pleasure of knowing it?”

“Cecelia.” She replies with a glint in her eye. “And yours? I can’t just call you Captain now can I? Or would you like that?” She whispers the last part into his ear.

“Hook.” He tells her smirking as he uses his Hook to bring her closer.

“Clever.” She muses. “You’re a pirate, I assume you have a ship.”

“The Jolly Roger, she’s the most powerful in all the realms.”

Cecelia fondles with his Hook for a moment, “Would you like some company?”

Hook grins. “Are you offering?”

________

Her talk with the blonde Hook was in love with, didn't go down well as well as she had hoped. Cecelia threatened her, told her to leave and she didn’t. She was a stubborn stupid human, but she needed to take it to the next level.

Show her what Hook and her had, how it was nothing compared to what the blonde experienced with him in her land. She couldn’t kill the blonde right away, not with her whole family here. No, she needed to make her leave and she will get Verena to help kill them all if necessary.

____

The next two nights Cecelia watches the blonde with the Lost Ones. She sees how Hook looks at her, and how she looks at him. It makes her sick. The Lost Ones even look happy, they’re never happy. What was it about this girl that made her so special? Why of all the women, this plain girl was the apple of her Captains eye.

“You know you kissed me for the very first time right around here.” The Captain tells his blonde. She listens in, to see what she can find out, and what she can use against them.

“I remember. You were annoying me, I thought I would just kiss you to get you to shut up!”

“And you realised you’d made a huge mistake as you fell in love with me?” Cecelia couldn’t tell if he was teasing or not, their relationship was still a mystery.

The blonde hits him playfully, “you’re such an ass. If you recall your confession in the Echo Caves, you were the one you realised you couldn’t live without me.”

“Now, now Swan whose rewriting history. I am amazed that you still chose me, you love me after all I’ve done.”

The blonde runs her fingers through his hair, “hey. Stop. We talked about this, you’re not that man anymore, I fell in love with you because you chose to change, you said you wanted to be a better man and that’s exactly what you are. I don’t care what you did on this Island while I was cursed, it doesn’t matter, you’re still the man I fell in love with who risked everything for me, who is selfless and chooses to do the right thing.”

Cassandra turns away as they start to kiss, she doesn't need to see that. So, the Captain has insecurities, that she can take advantage of.

The Echo Caves.

Cass hadn’t heard of those in centuries. She knew Pan liked to use them to trap his unwelcome visitors, but she hadn’t known her Captain was a victim.

They were used in the olden times of Neverland to reveal the darkest secrets of fairies who were going bad and had to reveal the truths of their actions, but Pan ended up using it as a trap and to cause a rift between friends. And that’s exactly what Cecelia was going to plan. She would cause a rift by making them reveal their darkest secrets, and the blonde would go back home.

“Verena! Verena! Wake up!” Back in Pixie Hollow she decides to let her sister know of her plan, and how she can help her.

“The Echo Caves? Are you serious Cecelia?” Verena had heard the stories of the caves, how fairies were forced to reveal their darkest secrets and it was never pretty.

“Whose side are you on?” Cecelia was suddenly starting to doubt her sister, it wouldn’t be the first time.

“Yours obviously! But is it safe?”

“I heard the Pirate talking to the blonde, they went through it before when Pan was still in power. If it didn’t break them before, this time it will.” Cecelia feels confident, Hook had been here for 25 years all alone, his desires had clearly changed.

“So what’s the plan?”

_____

On the fifth night of watching the Pirate and his blonde, Cecelia decides this is the time to intervene. She’s sick of seeing Hook, a fearless and deadly Pirate turned into a “hero” by his lover.

The Lost Ones are finishing up, slowly disappearing back to their beds. Hook luckily is still in conversation with the young boy, the blonde however had finished talking to her lost girl, she was all alone.

Shrinking down to fairy size, she flies into the Lost Ones clearing, and freezes Hook and Henry before returning to human size.

“Cecelia.”

Cecelia smiles at the blonde, “the one and only.”

“What do you want? I already told you, I am not leaving this Island alone.” She was brave. But bravery almost meant stupidity.

“You and Hook just look so happy together. But I’m afraid he’s been keeping secrets from you.” She says, in a sweet but also malicious tone.

“What secrets?” Emma was convicted this fairy was just trying to mess with her head, Killian had been honest the past few days since they reconciled, no way would he be keeping secrets.

“I trust you’re familiar with memory magic?” Cecelia asks as a dream catcher appears in her hands.

Emma nods, all too familiar with dream catcher magic.

She watches as Cecelia makes the dream catcher glow as scenes of her in Neverland start to play out.

“I really don’t need to watch your life story.” Emma says rolling her eyes. But then.

Killian. She sees Killian in those memories. Well, he was in Neverland for 300 years and their paths were surely to cross. The dream catcher doesn’t have any sound, but she doesn’t need sound for what she sees next.

It’s Killian and Cecelia. Together. Lips on one another, bodies pressed together and legs tangled up.

Emma feels like she could vomit.

“You’re lying. This is, this isn’t true.” She manages to say, thoughts whirling around in her head.

Cecelia smirks. “You’re familiar with memory magic, you know how it works. I couldn’t tamper with it even if I wanted to. I guess Hook hasn’t been as honest with you as you thought, such a shame.”

Emma stands there for a few moments, resisting the urge to bring up everything in her stomach. Cecelia just flies away looking satisfied with herself.

“Everything alright love?” Killian appears a few minutes later, completely unaware of the situation.

“I don’t know. You tell me.” Emma feels betrayed, how could he do that to her?

“I’m not sure I understand love.” He says, giving her a puzzled look, “are you feeling okay? Want to take a sail on the Jolly, clear your mind a bit?”

“The Jolly? Where you’ve been fucking Cecelia? I’m good thanks.” She spats.

Killian is lost for words, “Emma what the hell are you talking about?”

Glaring at him, she tells him of Cecelia’s visit to her, and the memories she saw of the two of them.

“Emma, please understand. That was a long time ago. It-“

“Oh so you’re not denying it happened?” She cuts him off, how dare he.

“I would never lie to you Emma. But whatever she showed you, happened a long time ago, long before I met you.” This was all part of Cecelia's plan to drive them apart, Killian was sick of her tricks.

“Just because I was cursed doesn’t mean I’m stupid. How am I meant to believe it was before you met me?”

Killian takes a step toward her, to take her hand but Emma snatches away. “I can’t prove it, but you’ve gotta trust me.”

“I’ve been cursed for 25 fucking years, Hook. That doesn’t give you an excuse to fuck the first woman you see just because I’m not around.” Her voice was getting louder the angrier she was getting.

“Emma I love you. Don’t act innocent though, like you said you were cursed for 25 years, you’re telling me you didn’t jump into bed with a man that isn’t me?” Killian was now just as angry, sure it had been 25 years but he expected better of her.

Emma doesn’t answer his question.

“I thought you said you saw me in your dreams.” Killian says tremulously. “That you were always seeing me. Was that all a lie to get me to go back with you?”

“No! Of course not! I did see you in my dreams, but that’s the thing you were a dream. I had no idea who you were. But don’t change the subject, I was cursed I could sleep with as many men who weren’t you and it would be okay. You on the other hand, slept with the fairy while you were waiting for me. You clearly don’t love me, so I think If we defeat Cecelia, I’m taking Henry and my family back with me, you fsnnstau here I really don’t care.” Emma’s voice was wobbly she felt like the was about to burst into tears.

“Emma. I do love you, whatever she’s shown you is a lie. I never touched her while you were here, I would have never do that to you.”

He tries to call out after her, but it’s no use, she’s walking back to her camp angry and upset, he was going to kill the fairy.

[coldgirled-a]

what's a list of canon characters you wanna see siobhan interact with ?

hi,   hi   !   ahhh,   there’s   so   many   from   different   fandoms   she’d   have   GREAT   dynamics   with   as   either   an   enemy,   a   target,   etc.   i   love   dynamics   and   seeing   how   she   meshes   with   certain   other   characters.   i’ll   go   by   some   fandoms   i’m   familiar   with   to   give   you   an   idea.   **   note,   this   doesn’t   LIMIT   all   the   series   i’ve   seen.   there’s   always   more   but   these   are   what   i   can   think   of   atm.

TVD———   atm   is   probably   my   top   one   she   interacts   with   for   some   reason   idk   idk   BUT:

damon   salvatore.   simply   for   the   fact   his   moral   compass   is   skewed   and   is   the   antihero.   it’d   be   interesting   to   see   if   she   can   play   onto   that   for…   whatever   reason.   i   mean,   i   could   see   pointless   flirtation   with   early   season   damon   (   this   isn’t   saying   i’ll   automatically   ship:   just   that   she’s   naturally   flirtatious   as   i   prefer   every   other   dynamic   over   ships   but   what   can   i   say,   it   just   happens   :/   )   but   probably   would   not   go   further   than   that.   

Stefan   Salvatore.   easy   pick   here.   he’s   good,   he’s   everything   she   would   want   to   break   to   bring   forth   the   ripper   as   chaos   practically   runs   through   her   veins.   she   lives   fast   and   mystic   falls   isn’t   fast   enough   so   why   not   help   it   by   adding   a   ripper   ?   i   would   think   she’s   more   inclined   to   be   brash   than   listen   to   a   speech   about   eating   bunnies.

Elena   Gilbert.   She’d   be   conflicted   to   hate   elena   or   praise   her   for   being   able   to   keep   her   kindness   through   everything   but   the   latter   being   she   sees   herself   when   she   was   young   in   what   elena   is.   THAT   would   make   her   stomach   turn   simply   because   elena   is   pure   and   shiv   is   purely   in   liz   spencer’s   words,   “fucking   evil”   LOL. but   not   really.    she’s   not   a   villain.   i   don’t   consider   her   a   villain.   an   antagonist   is   more   like   it.

The   Originals.   i   mean,   i   already   have   a   klaus   she   interacts   with,   but   the   more   the   merrier,   right   ?   her   dynamic   with   each   one   would   be   so    DIFFERENT.   she’d   HATE   klaus   with   every   fiber   of   her   being   because   she’d   be   TERRIFIED   of   him   and   there’s   not   a   lot   that   scares   her   if…   anything   at   all.   Rebekah,   she’d   probably   be   in   frenemy   type   relationship   with   her.   Clashing   with   elijah   is   one   thing   i   can   see   there   and   she’d   probably   get   along   BEST   with   kol   mikaelson.   i   don’t   count   finn   or   freya   bc   i   don’t   watch   TO   anymore.

Enzo.    Just   ‘cause   i   can   see   her   annoyance   already.   british   accents?   makes   her   think   of   klaus   and   that’s   no   bueno.

Katherine Pierce.   There   would   definitely   be   another   frenemy   type   relationship   here.   on   one   hand,   the   girls   could   bask   in   their   ability   of   seduction   and   a   good   party   if   not   to   go   hunting   BUT   they’d   backstab   each   other   over   and   over   but   they’re   useful   to   one   another   type   of   thing.   #bitchessticktogether

TEEN WOLF———

Garrett.   Just   because   assassins. 

Allison Argent.   Here,   I   can   see   things   two   ways:   one,   rival   hunter   families   where   Allison’s   family   is   more   softer,   Shiv’s   is   not   so   there’d   be   like   family   fueding.   or   another   being   a   vampire   the   argent   family   has   been   tracking   for   years   nbd.

Kate Argent.   Just..   ANYTHING   with   a   kate   okay   is   a-okay   with   me.

Stiles Stilinski.   

Theo Raeken.   I   actually   dunno   how   this   would   pan   out   but   i   want   it.

Derek Hale.   ‘nuff   said.

Kira Yukimura.   i’d   LOVE   a   kira.   she’s   like,   an   angel   ? 

PRETTY LITTLE LIARS———

alison dilaurentis.   Give   me   fake   friendship   when   actually   plotting   against   each   other,   give   me   an   au   where   shiv   is   -A,   give   me   ALL   THE   AU’S.   ali   is   a   fave.

Spencer Hastings.   Just   because   their   brains,   can   you   imagine   ?   So   many   possibilities   here.

Mona Vanderwaal.   Again,   THEIR   BRAINS   ?   i   could   see   a   genuine   bond   /   friendship   and   even   co   and   head   of   the   -A   team. 

Jason Dilaurentis.    Simply   put.   He’s   just   a   fave.

RIVERDALE———

archie andrews.   it’s   always   fun   to   push   protagonists.

veronica lodge.

betty cooper. 

cheryl blossom!!!

jughead jones.

basically all the riverdale muses please.

ONE TREE HILL———

brooke davis. even   though   bri   aka   boyfluent   is   a   fave,   brooke   is   my   fave   from   oth   so   any   brooke’s   would   be   fab   !!

nathan scott. 

rachel gatina.

AMERICAN HORROR STORY———

violet harmon.   

madison montgomery.    #bitchoff.   enemies   having   to   turn   to   each   other.   a   witch   au   tho   

lana winters.   i   feel   like   there   could   be   an   au   where   siobhan   is   actually   caught,   tried   and   convicted   for   the   massacre   and   lana   is   covering   the   story.

sister jude.   just   !!!   i   love   all   of   jessica’s   characters   honestly.

SUPERNATURAL———

sam   &   dean.        she’d   def   be   a   THORN   in   their   side   honestly. 

ruby.        there’d   be   an…   interesting   dynamic   here.   ruby   and   shiv   would   be   that   type   of   duo   to   only   use   each   other   to   further   themselves.   

jo   harvelle.

CROWLEY.        need   i   say   more   ?

castiel.        ://   he’d   be   the   butt   of   angel   /   human   jokes.   the   butt   monkey   of   her   amusement.    sorry   cas.

this   is   all   the   fandoms   i   could   think   of   off   hand.   if   you   want   a   specific   fandom,   hmu   and   i’ll   give   you   more   deets.

[hexfloog]

Oh hey tysm!! We actually only just wrapped up S6/E162 today-- in the movieverse, we're at M11-- but I've long accepted that spoilers will be inevitable just because I've still got so much to catch up on, so I'm generally okay with rubbing elbows with it as I navigate the DCMK world. Thanks for the extended courtesy to mark spoilers, though!!

I had primarily asked about More Helpless Cone mostly because I was hoping to see more examples of his behavior when cornered in that way, though there's no redoing the significance of the peril he was in during Company President's Daughter Kidnapping Case (since he will never be as unaccustomed to being a child again, or so I believe). I've actually seen about half of what you've listed here, and it looks like we're fast approaching some of the others too! We watch about 2-4 episodes a day (or a single movie, depending how we're feeling), and I'm slowly rereading the manga on the side too, so I appreciate the time spent to break each one individually!! <3

Following the order of your list:

Reunion with the Black Organization: (Haven't seen this one yet, opinions TBD)

The Desperate Revival: ...I've screamed so much about the demonic imagery at the tail-end of this arc that I honestly kind of forgot that what gets the momentum going in the first place is Conan being taken out of the picture during the opening act. I enjoy his predicament here for reasons outside his helplessness in itself-- mostly because it's a major deviation from the formula, shifting the spotlight onto the Detective Boys to a degree we haven't seen before-- and the Very Real Consequences of always sticking his (their) noses into fishy business is finally explored here, which I'm happy the show finally gets around to showcasing. They've had plenty of close calls with other would-be child murderers before, but it's only logical that they wouldn't be able to skirt brutality forever and iirc this is the first time he is mostly sidelined in a way which forces the children to become the adults in his place. (The Old Blue Castle Investigation Case, as much as I enjoy it, doesn't quite count in my head as Haibara was still present as the surrogate parental figure in Conan's absence) Frankly, I would have liked to see some more desperation if he truly believed he was going to die at any point, but I think being in the presence of the children forces him to resist falling into despair and continue offering guidance even on the brink of death.

The Mysterious Passenger: (Haven't seen this one yet either, opinions TBD)

Murderer, Shinichi Kudo: Similar to The Desperate Revival, I've mused about Shinichi's part in this arc before and how I think it provides a bizarre moment for him to self-introspect without having to look through Conan first, although... frankly, I haven't thought so much about the helplessness of his situation here so much as the implied moral conflict. But it does exist, in no uncertain terms. The doppelganger is not revealed to be so until the conclusion of the first case, and in the interim he has to assume the guise of a literal Monster in the Woods, cut off from the world as a monster often is. (I think this metaphor adds an intriguing perspective to his already-existing seclusion within Conan, but honestly... even without the disguise, it's established pretty early on that the locals have a hell of a hate-boner for him, so he'd be alone in his own skin, too) It's so fascinating to me in that light, because as the Shiragami he obviously holds some degree of power over everyone, being feared/revered by the locals and all... and yet... he's so powerless to actually do anything. It's almost like he didn't return to his own body at all and just took an alternate form of Conan, instead.

You bring up a good point with the ambiguity of the old case - it's yet another variable which adds weight to the tension, but on the moral level. It's a different kind of helplessness which is projected onto the audience, instead. We question the legitimacy of his value system against the power of his ego (before we learn the secret, anyway): did he really do it, would he really kill to defend his pride even in his amnesiac state, etc. and we're left deliberating Shinichi's integrity right up until the trick is revealed (you know... in spite of the whole plastic surgery/disguise thing being used for plot convenience pretty frequently throughout the show--).

The Disappearance of Conan Edogawa: (Also haven't seen this one, but... we might break sequence to watch it now that I'm aware of it omgomgomg)

Episode ONE: This special is actually the first DCMK anything we watched when breaking back into the franchise, solely because we wanted to compare to the actual first episode. Admittedly... anything significant about it has actually been pushed out of my brain by All The Other Things-- namely Shinichi/Conan HCs lmfao-- so we may end up bookending our rewatch with yet another viewing, lol. (Though incidentally, I'm fairly certain we both prefer the original.)

I actually forgot about The Phantom of Baker Street!! It doesn't rank high on my personal list (admittedly... it's quite low, just as a movie), but it completely slipped my mind that his powers are taken from him he only has his wits to help them along in the game world... a nice little contrarian detail, honestly, since it's usually expected that people (children, no less) would be able to wield limitless fantastical abilities in a virtual setting. Maybe this one deserves a rewatch solely so I can focus on the way he deals with it though, if I recall, he seems to surrender to his gadgetless reality pretty quickly and just shifts gears. (Perhaps this could have been better-explored if the game world had been programmed to see them as anything else than characters native to their setting...? But those are thoughts for another day)

*scribbling notes* Mmmh... discuss... helplessness... and the monster metaphor... in OVA 9...

Ahaaa I didn't mean to Go Off again... At the risk of repeating myself, thanks so much for this list!! I'm sure I'll revisit with Additional Thoughts when we eventually hit the unwatched half.

Tonight we screm about... LIFELINES

Earlier today, I sent an... admittedly very poorly-phrased question about Gadgetless Conan to a DCMK server - you know, like someone who doesn't proofread.

(I know it was bad because nobody answered me... rightfully so, lmao)

There was a reason for it though!! What I was thinking about was E2, Company President's Daughter Kidnapping Case/The Kidnapped Debutante, and E129, The Girl from the Black Organization.

Rambling below the cut!!

In episode two, it's made horribly clear to us just how harrowing Shinichi's situation has become, even at surface-level. The point is obviously to contrast against the Shinichi we're shown in episode one, who is physically adept, well-liked by authority, and generally comfortable in life. In the span of a single episode, he becomes alienated by symbols of his former self-- his house, which he cannot enter; his clothes, which he cannot fit; his friends, who he cannot confide in; and his own name, which he cannot utter-- and we begin watching him struggle to acclimate to the life of someone who is infantilized at every turn (until he isn't, cough), the degree of which is illustrated most plainly in this first case solved as "Conan."

You only get one shot to establish the floor of a setup like this, and I think they did a pretty good job of it. I'm biased in favor of the Funimation dub, of course:

"You've gotta be kidding me!! I can't even kick a soccer ball anymore!

Aaaaaugh, the panic in his voice.

Anyway, I bring this up in conjunction with The Girl from the Black Organization because, before Shinichi realizes he's being played, Ai taunts him with some dialogue which I found-- among pretty much everything else she says in these two minutes-- pretty chilling:

And she's right - Shinichi flounders so much in episode two because... he really is helpless! He's completely gadgetless for the duration of the case, completely stolen from his former physical prowess (and the familiarity that comes with it), and just to add insult to injury he doesn't even know how to properly masquerade as a child yet, which is arguably the only trick he has when naked (so to speak). As Haibara says... without Agasa, Shinichi has no liberation from the physical weakness of his child body.

So... that got me thinking... Shinichi has a support system that is already loosely established even by this point, composed of people who know his secret, lifelines which bring him back to himself when it seems like there is no escape from his false identity. What are they?

Agasa is, as established above, Shinichi's lifeline to his physical strength and, arguably, his authority. His gadgets allow the young detective to arm himself-- both in the conventional sense, and with a reliable wealth of trickery to skirt the dismissiveness often invited by his child appearance... whether that means simple antics or straight-up mimicking the voices of dead people to scare culprits into confessing WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS--

His parents are, obviously, his connection to family. They are also his general safety net, in the event he chooses to give up... or is forced to.

Heiji is Shinichi's lifeline to companionship. As I mentioned earlier, once he becomes Conan, Shinichi is put in a place where he can no longer confide in his friends (namely, Ran). Heiji, after learning his secret-- and in his ostensibly wholesome habit of seeing right through the veil of Conan every single time-- offers Shinichi a chance to just... be himself without the smoke and mirrors. When the circumstances of his life force him to wear the skin of someone else at every waking moment, I feel Shinichi could very well forget what genuine camaraderie feels like. Also he's the first one to offer Shinichi any semblance of hope for the end of his predicament (albeit unknowingly), how could he not have a place here omg

Haibara is something of an enigma. Admittedly, I have not seen enough of her to be able to say anything (with confidence) on her apparent role in Shinichi's system, but every time she speaks I swear this girl has something PATENTLY 10/10 to contribute asddgfhj. For me, and for all I've seen so far, she represents his value system (and by extension, retribution?) and is the closest I've seen this show come to gray morality. In this very episode Agasa has to hold Shinichi back when their conversation quite clearly turns to challenging who he thinks deserves to be called a victim and I-- mmmmMMMM

More on that in another post about this ep because there's no WAY I'm going to be able to cover everything I wanna say about it in this one aaaaa. Also I do not know at this point whether Vermouth would also fit into this role, I haven't gotten there yet

(Now for this last one... I realize Movie Canon is technically its own thing, but tbh I want the movie and show canon(s) to overlap so much in my mind that I don't even care sorry not sorry--)

...Kaito Kid.* Honestly this boy is such a wildcard, his relationship with Shinichi is so unique and multifaceted that he most definitely plays more than one part in this support system I've interpreted for him in my head. At the very least, being The Foil, it stands to reason he would play a very similar role to Agasa, but rather than bringing him back to the familiarity of his physical body, he keeps him on his toes by pushing his ambition and testing his deductive prowess, which... is especially interesting to me, given that Shinichi never loses that part of him post-transformation. Passion, then, is perhaps his role (or at least one of them): to remind Shinichi of his purpose, of what gives him life... away from the grim backdrop of his circumstance, and removed from the shadow of the Organization... because even in the body of little Conan, that fire could not be stolen from him. Kaito may or may not be doing this consciously (for all intents and purposes, most likely not) but it's still an intriguing thought to entertain, I think...

(*Yusaku could technically overlap with this also, but imo both Shinichi's parents are far too aware of the threat of the Black Organization, I think-- as they should be, being his parents and all.)

(*Heiji could also be the one who stokes this fire, but there's a markedly distinct difference between sharing a passion, and weaponizing it)

Wow uhhHHH idk how to cap off this post uhmm... that's all I've got for now, next time I screm about... YOU CAN'T SAVE EVERYONE (still this ep, bc 129 is SUCH a treasure trove of ideas)

if you've gotten this far tysm for reading much love <333