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petri808 · 4 years ago

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1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 | 32-Epilogue

When he’d agreed to let Lucy move in with them, Natsu could admit it wasn’t the greatest idea to make a snap decision, because inside he knew it wasn’t going to be easy. Plus, it had also put Gray in a tough position, because he knew his friend wouldn’t be so heartless to kick out a female with a problem. Yeah, that was kind of a dick move for which he’ll be paying once the dust had settled. Especially now that they were finding out, just how difficult it was really going to be...

Nightmares? More like night terrors. It wasn’t every single night, but Lucy would often wake Natsu up at all hours as if reliving the events of the kidnapping. Physical movements, from fighting a Touka memory. The whines and screams, sometimes blood curdling shrieks as she’d shoot up in bed covered in a film of sweat, hyperventilating and still in the midst of an unseen attack. It was bad enough that Natsu started sleeping on his side, so if Lucy started swinging, his back took the brunt of it. He’d have to grab her arms and just hold her, doing his best to keep his voice low or soft, until she fully awoke from the dream state and collapsed into his arms in sheer exhaustion. Heaven help him, if this is what Levy had gone through for months, the woman deserved a Nobel peace prize for staying sane. After two weeks of this, Gray arranged with Levy to use Lucy’s room. He didn’t want to abandon Lucy, but the lack of sleep was starting to affect his school and job. It left Natsu all alone with his girlfriend, and frankly it was affecting him too. Not only the mental struggles, but the physical exhaustion made it difficult for him to get his job done. Makarov was a saint for being so understanding through it all.

“You look tired today,” Natsu’s therapist questioned in a toned statement. “I take it you’re still not getting enough sleep.”

The bags under his eyes were a dead giveaway to anyone that saw him. “Is it really that obvious?” Natsu responded with a bit of sarcasm to his tone.

“Is it your own demons or Lucy’s?”

“A mix of both.”

“Have you told her about your struggles or are you still hiding it. You know it’s better if you be honest with her.”

Way to go for the kill shot. The therapist went straight to the heart of things. Natsu sighed, “I told her a little... when she’d admitted being worried I’d leave her.”

“What did you say exactly?”

He fidgeted in the chair. “Well... literally, just that. I was just trying to kill her fears not worrying about my own at the time.”

“Ah. Well, maybe it’s time. You’ve told me that you’re trying hard to help her to get over her own struggles, but Natsu, you also need to take your own advice.”

Turn of the screws. But the therapist was right. “I know. I just worry it’ll add to her worries, which will make it worse, a-and that’s not gonna help either of us.”

“I think you should have more faith in Lucy. As you are her strength, she can be just as much yours. Don’t dismiss the idea before you even try it. If she feels like she’s helping you, it will give her a sense of accomplishment too, just like it gives you when you feel like you’re helping her.”

When the therapist put it that way, Natsu couldn’t help but pause and reflect on it, because damn the woman was making a lot of sense! Why did he fall in love with Lucy in the first place? Because of her feisty personality, that’s why. Had he forgotten? The real Lucy was still in there, it just needed to find its way back to the surface. There’s no harm in being honest about feeling scared or guilty. Kind of bare his heart to her in a way.

“Alright. I’ll give it a shot.”

He knew if he’d waited to confront this, he’d find an excuse not to do it. So that night after dinner, Natsu sat Lucy down for a heart to heart and bore his soul. His fears, his guilt, how the brave face he showed her day after day really just hid his own pain and insecurities over the situation. It was difficult and freeing at the same time to get it off his chest.

“Thank you for telling me, Natsu... that actually makes me feel a little better, because I thought I was going through it alone all this time. I mean, you being positive helps to keep me a little grounded, but it also made me feel like a burden. I want to help you as much you help me.”

“Are you sure? I just don’t want to add to your struggles.”

“I can’t tell you it won’t always be easy, so, all I can tell you is right now is I don’t think it will.”

“Okay— then promise me that you’ll say something if it is, a-and we’ll figure out something else.”

Lucy took Natsu’s hands in her own, “now that, I will promise.”

But despite their decision to co-fight, Natsu still took the initiative for Lucy and himself to figure out how to make things better... or lose his sanity in trying. He scoured psychology websites, searching for therapy’s and techniques used for PTSD, anxiety, depression, or anything related that might be useful, even meditation. It was a lot of work, but the information was useful, and he learned a lot about helping Lucy and himself to heal. Some of the horror stories were difficult to read, yet many of the survivors stories he came across provided the much needed encouragement to get through this ordeal.

The first thing Natsu decided to tackle was the nightmares, and to do that he’d learned he first needed to deal with the underlying causes. Pent up emotions being unleashed in Lucy’s subconscious as she slept were producing these horrific night terrors. With suggestions from both his therapist as well as Lucy’s, Natsu encouraged her every night before bed to write, write anything that came to mind, and he gently coaxed her into letting go of the worst thoughts. Unleash it onto the page, as the therapist put it. Then, together they would meditate using a relaxation technique he’d found appealing. Meditation wasn’t something Natsu thought he’d take a liking to, or even believed would work. But after learning more about it, decided it was worth a shot.

Everyone he knew used to tell him, it’s about clearing your mind of all thoughts... yeah, uh-huh, who the hell can pull that off? No, in this other technique it started off by saying that’s almost impossible, and that immediately caught his attention. It taught them about learning to control instead, to have thoughts, but focus them, compartmentalize them away and let them become background static you could more easily ignore through habituation. Ever wonder how a person can sleep near an airport or a train track? It’s because you get used to the sound. Once that’s done, you zero in on something you do want to think about, a nice memory, a sound, whatever you choose. Let it soothe and relax you until the next thing you know, your mind wants nothing more than to fall away into dreamland.

It took a few days of pushing Lucy through each step, because at first, she really did not want to rehash, even in a fictional way, the events of the kidnapping. So, Natsu would pull her onto his lap, with his arms around her waist while she held the paper and pen, closely monitoring her body language. The tensing and shaking were his first signs... ‘it’s okay, let it go...’ he’d whispered and tightened his hold, continuing the positive mantras, ‘you’re safe now, you can do this, I’ve got ya...’ Next came the release in the form of tears. A trickle, like a cracking of a dam, until it burst forth. Words on paper and liquid trails along her cheeks, but it was a good thing. All the anger and negativity flowing out instead of walled up in her mind. After a couple of weeks, the techniques were showing signs of working. Lucy awoke less and less because of the nightmares. She was still having some, but they weren’t to the same degree or frequency they’d once been.

“Yup... uh-huh, n-no, really, I am doing much better Lev. Yeah, we’ll visit tomorrow.... That sounds awesome. It’s be awhile since I’ve eaten sushi... I’m pretty sure... I’ll be okay, I promise… Yeah, we’ll meet you at Genki Zushi… Uh-huh, you too Levy. Good night.”

As soon as Lucy hung up her phone call, Natsu checked to make sure she really was okay with the plan to go out for dinner. It’d been just over three months since Lucy went anywhere aside from the doctors or police station willingly.

“I need to do this,” she stammered, taking a deep breath before continuing. “I can’t stay locked away forever.”

Natsu kissed her on the forehead. “I’m really proud of you babe.”

“I’m proud of us both,” Lucy smiled. “But I couldn’t do this without your support.”

Such a simple phrase meant the world to Natsu. After the last two months of struggle, his therapists advice was coming to fruition, or at least his truly believing it was possible. They were on the road to healing and nothing felt better than that, because one of the hardest legs of their journey was coming up fast.

#nalu #nalu au #nalu fan fic #nalu fan fiction #Natsu x lucy #Natsu dragneel #Lucy heartfilia #strangers on a train #ch 27

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canyouhearthelight · 4 years ago

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The Miys, Ch. 102

Okay, trying to queue this again after it apparently got eaten along with chapter 101.

Y’all pray for me to whatever higher powers you believe in or can make up on the spot. Thanks.

Thanks for this chapter goes to the fabulous anon who sent me an ask about Jedis. I really, really hope you are seeing this chapter and I hope you like it. I also want to thank @baelpenrose as my resident Star Wars expert, who checked, double checked, and triple checked my writing to make sure everything was as entertaining/accurate as possible.

Before you all cringe at some comments Sophia makes, she is deliberately downplaying her knowledge of Star Wars in an attempt to see if she can give some of the other characters a twitchy eye.

After an extraordinarily bizarre situation regarding my former foe and who I assumed was his partner, I was profoundly relieved to find myself in a very boring, very normal situation a couple of weeks later. Even the regular family dinner was pretty normal: grilled cheese on a very good sourdough, with a tomato soup so garlicky that even I had no objections to it. I made a point to puree it, so Derek was very happy with the texture and I was happy with the flavor. Arthur shot me odd looks once in a while, but it was a happy, calm dinner.

And things were going… so well… I thought as Maverick dragged everyone into his quiet argument with Sam.

“Sam,” He stated emphatically as he dunked his sandwich and ripped a tomato-soaked piece from it. “We all want it to be real but… humans don’t exist outside of Earth and the Ark.”

“Yoda is not human,” Sam insisted loudly, grinning the entire time.

I choked on my soup. “Yoda? You two have been arguing Star Wars this whole time?”

“Maverick insists they are not real,” Sam enunciated carefully. When he got excited about a topic he loved, he had a tendency to rush everything and drop syllables, making his words nearly impossible to understand.

“They meaning Jedi?” Arthur asked, eyeballing the pile of sandwiches on the table. Finally he snagged his third half-sandwich and dunked it without ceremony. “As much as I wish they were real, I have my doubts.”

So did I. “Human beings who can use telepathy, telekinesis, and distance-empathy?” I scrunched my nose. “I think that’s a bit far-fetched.”

“But extraterrestrials exist,” Sam pointed out.

Conor nodded. “They do, obviously. Otherwise, Noah would be a bloody big figment of our imagination.” Shaking his head, he smiled. “If we didn’t make Santa real as children, I doubt we could make up someone like Noah, right?”

Sam only got more serious. “I was always taught that aliens don’t exist. My teachers told me that the only life off of Earth were bacteria. But, even if Else is bacteria, Noah isn’t. So, maybe other things we thought were pretend are real.”

The table was silent for a moment, shattered only by Derek dusting bread crumbs from his hands as ceremoniously and loudly as humanly possible. “Sam has a point,” he signed. “Fabricators exist, aliens exist.. Hell, telepathy exists - “

“Not telepathy,” Miys interjected from above.

“Neuro-pheremonal communication exists,” Derek finger-spelled, making a point of how cumbersome the term was in a way none of the rest of us really could. Seven minutes later, he took a slurp of soup and continued. “Unicorns exist, even if they are chubby. Why not Jedi?”

I opened my mouth to refute, then realized I couldn’t: we had the genetic code for both narwhals and rhinoceros in the gene bank. Good effing luck convincing anyone unicorns don’t exist, I guess. Instead, I grasped on my one last leg of logic. “But humans, like Luke Starkiller and Obi-whatsit Kenoshi don’t actually exist.”

Maverick looked absolutely revolted by something, which confused me. He liked tomato soup, and actually chose the cheese for the sandwiches himself. “Sophia. Have you even seen those movies?” He was absolutely aghast as he posed his question, and I suddenly understood what he was revolted by.

“Of course I did,” I sighed, rolling my eyes. “In college, in Intro to Adolescent Literature.”

Soup abruptly coated everything on the table as both Arthur and Conor spat violently at my clarification. Arthur scrubbed his chin the fastest, so had the honor of levelling his incredulity at me. “Sophia Reid. Do you mean to tell me that you have only seen Star Wars ONE TIME?”

I shook my head, confused. “No. I’ve seen all three.”

“ELEVEN,” Sam corrected me loudly. “There are eleven movies.”

“Please, please tell me you at least saw Rogue One,” Maverick begged. “You may not have known it was a Star Wars movie?”

“Is that the one where the robot hits the guy and says he has another fresh one?” I asked carefully.

Maverick nodded. Arthur, however, looked like he was about to start breathing fire. “I am going to force you to consume every bit of Star Wars media worth consuming if I have to get Charly and Derek to program the audio versions to play in every room you enter.”

“I can do that,” Derek signed, unhelpfully.

Arthur just nodded. “See? I can make this happen. Your quarters will feel like Hoth, all digital communications will sound like C-3PO, and many Bothans will die before your datapad functions.”

Alarmingly, Miys interjected. “Wisdom, Bothans are an endangered species. Please do not encourage Educator Farro to commit atrocities.”

I was still gasping in confusion when Arthur recovered from his choking. “Oh shit. Bothans are real? They were a very back-stabby race of dog-type people who fought against fascists in Terran media. I thought, at least. I wouldn’t actually kill a real one… I am far more high functioning of a sociopath than that, thank you.”

“Noah,” I choked out. “Are you serious? Are Bothans real?”

“Affirmative,” they responded, setting off an entirely new round of choking and sputtering. I would need to have something done about my floors if this kept up. “And while they do resemble Terran canines on a very superficial level, they are genetically more closely related to a Terran fern.”

Arthur looked like his heart had been ripped out of his chest. “That is the least back-stabbing and least threatening plant I can possibly think of.”

Conor, not to be outdone, was still curious. “Boston or Fiddlehead?”

“Asparagus fern, Human Conor,” was the reply that set off a thousand coughs.

Sam recovered first. “That does not mean Jedi don’t exist,” he insisted.

“Of course Jedi exist,” Miys answered in a tone that was as close to being confused as I had ever heard.

Almost immediately, Arthur, Maverick, and Sam started cheering and high-fiving. Conor looked confused, while I spat my soup out again.

“WHAT?” I choked out between attempts at keeping tomatoes and garlic out of my lungs.

“They are as real as any member of any other Terran religion.”

Silence ruled the room for a split second, broken first by Arthur throwing his fork in the air behind him. Like a signal, it led to Sam and Maverick dropping their head to their forearms with a groan.

I managed to recover enough to slide my food away, lest I risk death over an absurd conversation. “Are there anything like Jedi in the known galaxy?” I asked, receiving a thumbs up from Arthur, who was still trying not to choke on his soup.

“Only in small measures.”

That seemed like the magic phrase to snap Arthur out of whatever coughing fit he was having. “Are there any species in the galaxy that have Jedi abilities?”

“You will need to be more specific.”

Conor, laughter out of his system, joined gamely. “Is there anything that can move physical objects without touching them directly?” he started.

“Several species can,” Miys conceded. “Those who only experience what you consider ‘sight’ as changes in air currents can, in fifty-four percent of cases so far, also change the air currents in a sufficient way as to move physical objects.”

“Wait,” I interrupted. “They can stare at something hard enough to move it?”

“Wisdom, if I experienced physical pain, I am certain that your oversimplification just now would have caused such a sensation.”

Without rebutting, I waved for Miys to continue and ignored the laughter caused by the comment.

“Similarly, there are species more limited than Hujylsogox, who can perceive the physical world strictly through sound,” they continued. “In such cases, it is not uncommon for these species to also alter their surroundings by vibrating physical objects at a frequency that causes them to move within physical space.” A brief pause before, “And no, Wisdom, that does not mean they scream at objects until such objects move. I would also like to point out, Educator Farro, that the same species can cause internal organs to vibrate as a sufficient frequency as to cut off air flow.”

“Force choke is real,” Arthur whisper-shouted, mildly horrified. Clearing his throat, he spoke more clearly for his next question. “What about ‘there is a disturbance in the Force, as if many voices cried out’ etc?”

Miys buzzed thoughtfully for a moment before replying more clearly. “There are number of species who are able to perceive and interpret with great accuracy any changes in interstellar radiation, no matter how small. Should, say, a star go nova or collapse into a black hole, they are very reliable in providing information to cartographers. Should such a species state with certainty that a planet ceased to exist, I would need to see the planet from orbit in order to disbelieve them.”

Maverick let loose a low whistle, but it was Sam who spoke next. “But what about living beings, on an individual level. I know you can do that, but can any other species?”

“It is, perhaps, the most common trait in the known galaxy,” Miys admitted. “Even humans can do this, to a degree, although you tend to ignore it against all logic.”

“Okay. What about force lightning, though?”

I actually started to respond to that, having an answer finally, but Miys beat me to the draw. ��Species who communicate through electrical currents are more numerous in the galaxy than those who can see. In the same way, they need to be able to manipulate such currents. Their young are frequently sequestered on their home worlds in order to prevent electrocution of species whose neural organs can be disrupted by uncontrolled communication. The same species are capable of using those same currents to increase their own synaptic response and reflexes.”

I almost wanted to laugh at Maverick’s face. He looked frustrated and ashamed in a way that I could not figure out. Maybe because these abilities existed, but not in humans? Regardless, his tone was frustrated when he asked his next question. “What about force ghosts? Please tell me those are real?”

“Very much so,” Miys confirmed. “Though likely not in the way you think. What you consider ‘Force Ghosts’ are, in the galaxy as it is, the result of technological advancement combined with spiritual beliefs.” A few groans surrounded the table, but Maverick perked up slightly. “Many species believe, as a result of their evolution, that their predecessors’ life energy persists after death. In these cultures, it is so common as to be unremarkable for a person to have a synaptic recording chip installed shortly after birth, to record their entire lives. They, then, pass their chip on to their successor in position.” Wait a minute… I thought, but Miys continued before I could put everything together. “In such circumstances, many species’s neural organs will manifest a… personality, separate from the original, in order to preserve mental stability. Such manifestations are very similar to what Terran media considers a ‘Force ghost’.”

“Hang on,” I ventured, holding my hand up emphatically to cut off any other questions from the table. “That. Stop there.” Taking a deep breath, I thought back through everything I had read in the past. “I thought the idea of deliberately having multiple, distinct identities was… a story, honestly.”

“Even in your own past, it was discovered that the human brain can host two distinct personalities with no difficulty, Wisdom,” Miys admonished. “These species, however, are uniquely adapted so that, along with the memory implant, they suffer no actual combination or confusion of experiences. What their ancestor experienced is their ancestor’s memory, and what the person experiences is the person's memory. A person cannot overwrite an ancestral core. Only speak to it.”

“Can humans do that?” Sam asked, dazed in wonder at this new revelation.

“Not yet,” Miys responded. “But I do insist on the word ‘yet’, as you were never meant to do many of the things you do now.”

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#the miys #humans are space orcs #humans are weird #found family #original writing #earth is space australia #hfy #humans are awesome #aliens #apocalypse #science fiction #sci fi #original sci fi #original science fiction #my writing

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oldanddilis · 4 years ago

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FALSE PARADIGMS AND HEALTH

The approach of science that ignores the spiritual living aspect of the universe and which has tried to reduce science to a rigid model of numbers devoid of soul has been disastrous in many ways for humanity. The failure to understand that it is souls which are logically the one and only things that create energy in the fabric led to over 100 years of increasing nonsensical theories. This in turn saw physicists become more insecure and confused and in their efforts to appear credible held ever more tightly onto failed models and aggressively suppressed anything that rocked their flimsy world views. The modern religion of physics dogma promoted as scientific fact that has arisen from half baked Theories has been popularised by the rise in atheism which goes against every instinct of man. It has also added to the tearing apart of the fabric of society by descent into immorality in all sorts of subtle and blatant ways. That immorality often justified by popular opinion, the ability to persuade people by the use of arguments that often confuse people by inter changing and misrepresenting science with opinion. Often propagated by creating economic and demographic inequality which leaves the most vulnerable people victims of poverty, lack of education and easy prey for those with evil intent.

In terms of physical health the planet has in some senses advanced using the principle of one step forward and two steps back. Every advance in technology since the industrial revolution has had the potential to improve the lives of everyone on the planet but the economic inequality it has created has meant many people in developing countries now live in conditions worse than their ancestors of 100 years ago. Millions still live in sub saharan Africa for example with no access to clean water, education or electricity. 100 years ago most villages had wells and fruit orchards full of mango, papaya, oranges etc but now many have cut down those trees for cash crops and animals leaving no water in the wells and a meagre supply of free food for everyone to enjoy when the fruit ripens. Some of the slums people are forced to live in have conditions worse than the conditions in large cities like London or Paris 150 years ago. In Kibera a slum in Nairobi, Kenya for example people are forced to live in ditches and corners under corrugated iron beside open sewers and pay organised criminals rent in order to hold onto that very last sense of stability. Even in slums like Kibera I found the spirit of love, gentleness and faith phenomenal, the kindness and tolerance as strong and as powerful as the resolve to keep going. I imagine the immense temptation to vent their frustration and anger against a light skinned person who to their eyes probably lives in a modern home and has unlimited wealth must have been immense but while aware of that sense constantly I rarely felt in danger, peoples openess and kindness of spirit were heart warming, that spirit only occasionally interspersed by an occasional drunk who tried to seize me and vent his anger. It seems to me it is those who are most in pain, poverty, suffering the most understand the power of love most instictively. They keep moving, they hug, play, laugh, talk louder, faster and harder than anyone else, they create energy and they have little time for wasting on negativity or anything that will get in the way of the flow of positive energy. They exercise great patience and tolerance which in itself creates a vibration that silently gives strength to each and all.

Recently the reaction to the Covid flu demonstrated a complete lack of understanding of the power of love and what was effectively a routine flu going around became a hysterical descent into chaos. Yes it is a very infectious flu but statistically a very weak one. All flus tend to kill a certain number of the most weak and vulnerable. As mentioned elsewhere in this paper the work of French Engineer Andre Simoneton showed that above certain frequencies disease cannot exist within the body. Energy and vibration is created by the interaction of living souls yet the medical drug and profit based establishment intimidated the political rulers into reducing the energy and vibration of mankind the very thing that would have overpowered any hold a flu virus usually has on people. They pushed to have the conditions that would lead to poorer health and greater profits set in place. For anyone who thinks that is an outlandish claim or some kind of conspiracy theory it is not a whimsical statement. Plant based doctors have been curing virtually every known disease that the drug dealing medical corporations try to keep telling the public are incurable. The physicians committee for responsible medicine pcrm.org have begun taking these companies and the USA Federal Drug and Food agencies to court for keeping the truth from the public, not just keeping it but paying top dollars billions of dollars per year on propaganda to lie and convince people to continue with lifestyles that are making then sick and killing them so they can continue profiteering from the drugs they sell to alleviate some symptoms. If anyone looks at the charts for the deaths worldwide from various killer diseases Covid is way down the list while above it many of the easily treated diseases such as cancer and heart disease continue to kill up to 10 times more than Covid. The medical companies know this, they know the treatment is healthy eating and lifestyles but they don't care. They have little to no interest in keeping people healthy their interest is in power, money and control. If they wanted they could put their efforts into educating the public about the healthy lifestyles that actually cure diseases. If they did most of the top killer diseases at least the top 12 as repeatedly pointed out by nutritionfacts.org would disappear overnight and the death rates worldwide would plummet but so would the incredible fortunes generated by the drug dealers running the drug companies and it's fairly easy for anyone to see why they decide to hide the truth. It is not just the drug companies, the pressure comes from the animal foods industries also, they all play their part in persuing personal gain at the expense and health of humanity. The planet in may ways became a prison planet with the reaction to the Covid flu, people became more isolated, more distressed, more ill, the rates of Covid seemed to go down with every lockdown but with every easing of curfews the numbers shot up worse than before, with every new untested miracle cure (posed incorrectly as vaccinations) came a mutation which seems to be more aggressive than the original. All pushed aggressively by lies, doctors on TV lying blatantly that these jabs (which in fact don't seem to be vaccinations because they are not one off shots they are dependent on repeated doses) are safe, when the truth is they do not know, I watched one such doctor lie to a pregnant woman that the jab was safe for her and her unborn child even after a few people had died from the jabs and while that doctor would have been very well aware of the scourge of misery that the "wonder drug" thalidomide left in its wake. Vaccinations like any new drugs from my reading take up to 10 years to develop and be tested with a failure rate of 95% of proposed treatments, 95% never making it past approval for sale. This is not good odds for anyone taking the "vaccinations" which have already killed people. However pressure has been put on people, threats of more travel restrictions, more imprisonment conditions, exclusion from society, having their

wealth taken from them in the form of arbitrary fines etc. When one understands the true nature of energy one understands that this approach is insane and counterproductive (good only for those who are making massive profits and increasing their ability to control people). What cures illness is love, the interaction of people, the energy and vibration of love fights disease. It shakes it and leaves it unable to hold on, the greater the social bonds and interactions the more energy is created and the more the vibrations grow. Yes medicines can have great successes combating diseases but they take rigorous testing and honest documentation/dissemination of

information to be helpful in the long term. The lockdowns as usual have had proportionally more negative impact on the poorest of the poor. While those in the rich western countries are able to enjoy isolation surrounded by toys and tech and ample surplus supplies of food the poorest regions in the world have been even more devastated than usual. Many peoples livelihoods have been destroyed leading to increased poverty and malnutrition, Malaria has shot up in many areas in the tropics as people now with no income cannot buy enough food to remain healthy and strong, nor enough money to buy basic medicines. In other places like for example Thailand the suicide rate has shot up as people with no way to earn a living go hungry, lose hope and see suicide as the least painful option. The suffering due to Covid is real but statistically very small and affecting people who generally are in very poor health already, many of those living unhealthy lifestyles of high meat and sugar diets, highly processed nutritionally poor foods.

Love is what beats disease as Andre Simonetons work shows on the personal level. The greatest medicine of all is water, I have often read that the health of any nation is proportional to its citizens access to clean water. While the Polio vaccination no doubt had an impact on polio access to clean water did also. Many drugs have great benefits bit with the simple truth of Andre Siminetons world which has been backed up by evidence from people who reach amazing levels of health on diets based on high vibrational foods (predominantly almost invariably exclusively fresh natural whole plant foods ).

To bring our planet to a healthy state common sense tells us we need to create as much energy as we can, we need to fill our planet with as much life as we can possibly squeeze into every possible place on Earth. The electromagnetic shield which acts to protect our planet has begun to be weakened over the last few years for various reasons not only as a result of human activity but human activity destroying life on the planet has without a doubt played a large part. To strengthen all our protective layers around the Earth the answer is simple create more energy to do this we create more life, life creates energy and the potential of life and love to create a global vibration that lasts for eternity is unlimited. Limited only by false ideas promoted as fact, a lack of honesty, faith in false security like money and a lack of common sense.

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pseudonymfox · 5 years ago

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Abort Mission (16)

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: You and your boyfriend have powers, now he is dead and you are expecting a baby. Hydra is interested in the child so they send the Winter Soldier. What happens if Bucky unexpectedly falls for you…

This Part: One thing leads to another...

Warnings: fighting, making up, fluff, angst, archer being cute idk

A/N: pls don’t hate me for taking like years to post a simple next part.. but next week is the birthday of this account yay. I’ll post something then too which is already done so don’t worry :)

“No!“ Bucky yelled, taking both Steve and you a bit by surprise. “-We are going to talk about this. You can’t just decide that all by yourself to go out there and risk your life for what? Exactly nothing. We’re literally standing here with your son“ Bucky argued, but you you heard it out right away as it fell from his lips: ‘your son’. It’s still something he said even after all this time.

Bucky is Archer’s dad.

Luke is dead and Bucky appeared and took over that role.

That’s just how it is and your little boy will grow up knowing what happened and understanding it.

“For the last time Bucky if he such a burden to you..-“ you interrupted him but he cut you also off.

The fight was on.

It hurts to fight like this, but he started it. Steve who stood helpless beside you, distracting Archer in the stroller decided to step in as the frequency of your fight increased and raised the attention of others.

“Guys...“ Steve spoke up, but to the both of you everyone else was just air right now.

“Never said that he was a burden to me. I wouldn’t even think about it, but that’s not the point right now. The point is that you put yourself out there in danger, leave me and your son behind worrying that mama might never come back“ he looked disgusted at you by the words that fell out of your mouth.

“You said it again, but yeah you’re right..“ you spoke out and he shook quite surprised his head at you.

“-for me believing that you would trust me this one time“ you added with a scoff.

“Oh here we go!“ Bucky exclaimed, throwing his hands up.

“Alright. I’m ending this right now! Fight somewhere else but not here and not in front of Archer or anyone else. If you have decided to let me know and then we can talk to Nat and Sam.“ Steve walked between the both of you and raised his voice enough to be heard.

Neither of you dared to say something else, Steve was right that was something to take home, not that you wanted to talk about this any longer since you can make your own decisions but if Bucky wanted to than fine.

“-I’ll get them both here tomorrow. Solve it till then. Til then I would love to give you both the time and take care of Archer if you don’t mind“ he asked for a good reason. Bucky and you nodded, avoiding each others gaze before saying goodbye to both of them.

The ride home also was silent, a thick tension between the both of you until Bucky just sat down on the couch and didn’t say a word. Probably could neither of you start this fight again, but he just sat down and gave you an attitude.

“Don’t you want to say something?“ you rolled your eyes at him and crossed your arms waiting for him to yell again.

“Do you want to say something to me? Cause since only yesterday you’re a completely different person. What could have possibly happened there that you are like this?“ he turned his head to you and asked with a shrug.

“Nothing happened. I told you I just don’t want to talk about it and you still make me. I want to go on Missions with Steve because I don’t want to sit at home all day so why don’t you understand?“ you avoided his gaze and yes you lied but you did that to yourself too. Lying about the fact that it didn’t still hurt.

“Nothing happened?! Why I don’t understand? Have you ever been to a mission. Do you know in what kind of danger you put yourself into? Are you willing to go and if something happens to leave Archer and me and all of your friends behind just like that? Don’t you care at all? And you still ask me why I don’t understand. (Y/N) we’ve barely talked for a few days and most importantly, you don’t really think I don’t know you enough that I wouldn’t notice that something is up?“ he stood up again and came closer to you, raising his voice once again until he basically only shouted at you. With every statement he said you broke down more and more until tears threatened to spill out. But you fought back, not wanting to seem like an whining mess.

“Can you please trust me?“ you tried to hide it, but your voice cracked anyways as soon as they left your mouth. It sounded almost like a whimper.

“I trust you, but I don’t trust the world and at this point we can’t use anymore risks in our life. Haven’t we been through too much already? Or should I remind you again..I just want my (Y/N) back. Can’t you understand that?!!“ he did, but with the last words he noticed how you were shaking slightly and crying, angrily wiping them from your cheeks. He shook his head and calmed down a bit with a heavy sigh before going out the door, slamming it after he shut breaking the glass but he didn’t even bother to look back.

Bucky and you need a breather and press the pause button before something would happen that you both didn’t want. Only a short rethinking phase for both of your will. You sat down on the couch thinking he would need more time or disappeared for good. But to your surprise the door opened shortly after again and Bucky came back in, the glass scrunching under his shoes as he started slowly coming closer and sitting down beside you on the couch.

“I don’t wanna fight anymore (Y/N)..“ he said looking at you.

“Me neither“ you replied with a huff. “Just promise me that you will leave the serious stuff to the rest and if it’s to dangerous you will turn around and leave, no sacrificing, no stupid moves, nothing that isn’t planned and you’re not doing anything alone. You gotta have someone to watch your back alright?“ Bucky lectured, but you were fine with that, at least he didn’t break up with you like the scenario you made up in your head.

“Like you?“ you gave him a small smirk.

“No...I thought about that, but I- I can’t“ he chuckled. “-Sorry for yelling at you.... I’m just scared“ Bucky confirmed, his head lowering.

“You don’t have to be. I promise“ you whispered and leaned forward to hug him, your face hidden in the crook of the neck, inahling his scent, telling yourself that everything would be ok from now on. A hand runs up and down your back and you could have fallen asleep right then and there.

“Give me yourr hand“ he brought out with a huff. You barely even understood what he was saying before breaking out of your grasp with a weird written over his face.

“Why?“ you shot him a confused look and crossed your arms over your chest, backing up a bit. Bucky smiled a little and got down on the ground, on one knee while holding his hand out to you. Gesturing with your hand, but you were shocked at what is happening.

Not understanding and somehow not believing. “What are you doing?“ you asked again.

“I’m trying to propose to you so give me you damn hand..” he said with a flowing soft ‘please’ at the end in which you eventually gave in, your hand shaking of course like a aspen leaf. Even more as he pulled out a beautiful ring, letting you realize that he meant it, like for real.

“I didn’t really planned something yet, but it doesn’t matter because I feel like never is really gonna be the right time anyway- (Y/N) (Y/L/N), will you do me the honor and marry me?“ With a blank mind and with watery eyes you stared down at him, in his big hopeful eyes. Well there was only this one answer for you, but you just didn’t understand why you and if he was sure with that.

“I hope you don’t think that’s gonna make me cancel that whole thing“ you answered and got down to his level.

“No, I know you’re pretty stubborn. I had sat in with me for a while and I guess I just want you to know that I meant it“ he said not breaking eye contact with your big hopeful eyes as you stretched your hand out to him.

“I mean it too“ With your final words he slipped the ring onto your finger and kissing you as a sealing act. Smiling into the kiss you tried to even under those circumstances to remember each and every little detail about that moment hoping to never forget it.

“And just so you know, I know that you mean it otherwise I don’t think you would take up on so much even after everything you’ve been through“ you told him taking his face in your hands and running your thumbs along his jaw.

You started to overturn every little thing, but now isn’t the time to back off you told yourself. You had to do this for yourself.

Shortly after bedtime Bucky also decided to come to bed after doing his little night routine. Check the locks, do the dishes because he mostly insists on it, clean up a bit, check the doors again and maybe after some time he would come upstairs to tuck Arthur in and join you in bed. On the middle of the stairs, he stoppes as he heard you both talking.

“Can I come?“ Archer whispered to you, his voice already sleepy and his eyes would drop close any second.

“Well who is going to take care of daddy then?“ you said back with a smile. “He comes to maybe“ Archer told you before snuggling a bit closer into his pillows and bunch of stuffed animals. Basically, passing out as he finished what he was saying.

“I’ll be right back before you know it. I promise“ you kissed his cheek and got back up, slowly back out of the room, leaving the door open three inches, not noticing Bucky on the stairs as you went in the bathroom to get ready for bed yourself.

He was already in bed as you joined his side.

“I can’t make my mind around it that you asked me to marry you. Like I didn’t dream that right?“ you admired the ring on your finger also thinking about the one around your neck, you felt like you started to collect a bunch of them.

“No you didn’t that is real. Maybe I should have come along to Canada I could have asked for permission before.“ he laughed, but you knew that he was just trying to get back to that subject and coax it out of you.

“Good night Buck. I love you“ you pecked his lips and snuggled yourself closer to him, who sighed and let it be like that not wanting to have another fight this day.

Steve, Nat, Sam and you sat all in a meeting room trying to discuss the mission.

“Is this going to be a family vacation or what is tin-man over there doing?“ Sam spoke up as the first one. You turned for a quick look, towards him but Bucky spoke for himself.

“No I am just checking and we don’t have anyone to babysit but let me just say-“ he looked down to Archer on his lap who is occupied with his food and held his ears close.”-you’re lucky that a toddler is in the room. Where is your babysitter huh?“ he mocked Sam.

“Alright, let’s discuss the mission.“ Nat brought up and laid out the photos.

“Quick in and out just to check since we already cleared that base a few months prior. Sam in the air, the rest inside. Steve watches the doors while we go look around. It probably won’t even take a day. Simple and easy for beginners.” she shrugged, looking around the table to check with everyone.

“Looks good.“ Steve spoke up, everyone agreed. But you looked back to Buck just to check with him too.

“Back up plan? What if they know you are coming?“ He brought up, asking once again around the room.

“If it looks bad we cancel and reschedule.“ Steve answered that one and Bucky nodded with a shrug of his shoulders.

“Alright. Shall we then?“

Feedback appreciated!

Tags: @slende--spirit / @racheo91 / @torntaltos / @1967-chevy-impala-called-roscoe / @haru-ririchiyo / @escapetheshackles / @memory-of-a-goldfish / @thetimidsarcasticcat / @midnightdream83 / @dorkprincess / @mrsdeanwinchester19 / @learisa / @the-lululemon / @thefandomzoneisdangerous / @gracethegeek9902

#Bucky x reader #bucky x you #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes imagine #bucky #Bucky Barnes #winter soldier #Steve Rogers #natasha romanoff #sam wilson #falcon #black widow #Abort mission

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kinetic-elaboration · 5 years ago

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10 Fanfic Question Tag Game

I was tagged by @easilydistractedbyfanfic, @marauders-groupie, and @dylanobrienisbatman - Thank you!

Not sure who else hasn’t already done this or already been tagged... Please do it if you haven’t and want to!

1. what’s your favorite genre to write?

I mean, I feel like the answer is objectively “Romance” because I write fanfic but tbh I never think of it that way. Maybe because I’m so used to writing fic that I think in the sub-genres of fandom rather than in the sense of how the work would be classified on a bookstore shelf. Within fandom genres, I like to think I write a variety of things, fluff, angst, etc., but mostly it all comes back to pining, longing, softness, desire, uncertainty, and idiots in love.

2. do you pull inspiration from real-life, or do you pull things from other books/fanfic?

I do pull from real-life in a way but... I try not to pull directly and literally. Every now and then I will take a real life location or event and write a fic around it but I feel like those stories tend to not be as good, or at least, I don’t like them as much. I don’t know if it’s because I know the big gap between the fiction and the reality and the fiction pales in comparison, or because it feels or is lazy, or because those stories really are weaker. More often, I pull from real life in the sense that writing is a way to work through things. So I might take a certain feeling that’s real but have it emerge in a different way, or I might take a certain small moment and write it in a different context. There’s an example of this in my most recent Chopped fic but I don’t want to reveal myself--plus it’s kinda personal in a way. The other best example I can think of is a Bellarke fic I wrote once in which Bellarke are college fuck-buddies-with-feelings; there are two incidents there that are straight up stolen from my relationship with my ex-girlfriend but everything else, including the main plot, is completely unrelated. But tbh even that fic kind of toes the line for me into “a little too real.”

In terms of other sources of inspiration... I get a decent number of ideas from songs. I write to prompts/challenges with some frequency. Sometimes I write things that fulfill certain fantasies of mine (A Watch with No Hands is an example). I would say most often, inspiration comes in the form of “Wow, this made me a feel a certain way, I want to create this feeling myself.” And that “this” could be anything; often it’s music, but it could be a TV show (”this makes me feel nostalgic for high school, I want to write something about adolescence,” for example) or something I’ve read.

3. do you tend to write one-shots, short stories, or longer things?

I write one-shots for the most part. I am not good with multi-part fics. At all. Sometimes I write very short things, under 1k, as writing exercises. But in terms of full-sized, I think 4k is about average for me??

4. do you prefer description or dialogue?

I’d say description. If I get on a roll with dialogue I can actually write it faster, but if I’m including long sections of dialogue, it’s because I need to get certain, specific information across, and so I get nervous about it before I start. I don’t want to forget something important! And I don’t want the important things to feel shoved in there, but to flow naturally! With description, I can start out with a general idea and just let it flow and see what happens.

5. favorite fanfic/book of all time?

My favorite book of all time, if I had to pick just one, is The Master and Margarita by Mikhail Bulgakov. I’ve only read it in its entirety once and I recently discovered my English copy is kinda falling apart, which is a bummer. It’s so beautiful and moving; one of those books that just transforms you as a person.

I’m also a big fan of Shirley Jackson, so like literally everything she’s ever written, including stuff I haven’t read yet, must be mentioned. And I’ve been reading Sigrid Undset’s The Master of Hestviken this past... over half a year probably, and she was a genius. America needs to understand this.

I don’t think I read enough fic to have a favorite of all time. :(

6. favorite trope?

SHARING A BED. I was thinking recently about how often I use this trope and I’m like, ‘should I tone it down?’ Then I decided, heck no, it’s not boring me yet. I just... I love beds, I love the comfort of a good bed, and I guess it’s just Absolute Peak Fantasy of me to imagine two people snuggly and happy in bed. Or snuggly and pining for each other in bed.

7. are you the kind of person to work on more than one wip?

Yes. I do tend to focus on one thing at a time in the sense that I might only work on one fic for a week, or two weeks, and I generally do have one ‘front burner’ project that gets most of my attention until it’s done, or it gets irredeemably stuck. But I don’t get an idea, write it, finish it, post it, and then go on to the next idea (unless I’m writing for an event with a deadline, like Chopped, or a gift exchange, where there’s basically no other choice). I always have multiple fics started and/or in the planning stages.

8. how long have you been writing for?

Aw fuck. Well... I started posting fic online in the fall of 2006, when I was a senior in high school. I started writing fic just for myself probably around 2002 or 2003. And I’ve been writing original stuff/in general...for as long as I’ve been able to write I guess? My first long form piece was handwritten in a 70-page wide-ruled notebook--filled the whole thing!--and that was in the fourth or fifth grade, I think. (For anyone who doesn’t want to do math, that was 20 years ago lololol.)

9. do you tend to write more during the morning, afternoon, or evening?

I write mostly in the afternoons/evenings. If I’m having a good week, I can write for a bit after work, like around 6pm or so. On the weekends I say I’ll write in the morning but... it’s usually the afternoon at best. Sometimes I write before bed, if I really need it for the catharsis.

10. do you prefer to post your wip chapter by chapter, or do you prefer to wait until your wip is 100% finished before posting?

I don’t write that many multi-chapter WIPs but I admit I do not wait until the whole thing is done. I have a couple where I’m trying to do that... and I have sometimes been able to write ahead. But I just don’t have the self control. Plus like... writing is a solitary activity, and the great thing about fanfic is that there’s a chance to connect with people through it, to make it less solitary. So in a way, I guess this is a self-serving justification, but, what’s the point of hoarding what you’ve written?

#about me #tag games

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justallamaimaginingthings · 6 years ago

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Crazy [Jon Snow x Reader]

Request: “Hi! Can you write something for either Robb or Jon's s.o. has visions or some type of supernatural power? Something along the lines of the reader having to hide it for fearing what others might do to them and either Robb or Jon find out? Thanks!” by anonymous

A/n: That came out wayyy different than what I had in mind. Hope you enjoy it and thanks for requesting 💘 Don’t hesitate to let me know what you think!

Inspired by Crazy - Violent Femmes || GoT Masterlist

Words: 1900

As a child you had heard the story of the White Walkers more than once, believing it to be nothing more than an old legend. However, after the dreams started everything seemed to take a different turn as you began to question your definition of impossible.

At first it was nothing more than some nightmares and even though they caused you to wake up drenched in cold sweat, you ignored them as being a figment of your imagination. Slowly it began unfolding, the dreams getting increasingly worse both in content and in frequency. Still, you dared not speak to anyone about them in fear of being disregarded as crazy. After all, White Walkers and Dragons breaking down the Wall sounded absolutely insane and you knew it. So, you just kept pretending everything was okay, hoping no one, especially not Jon, would notice the dark bags under your eyes.

The bond you and Jon shared was enough to bring you back to reality. The dark haired boy was the only person you felt free being around. After many years, that bond had grown stronger and you had come to love and trust him more than anyone in that world. Despite that, you found yourself unable to tell him about the dreams that had been torturing you.

As if it couldn’t get any worse, other scenes begun plaguing your sleep. Bran falling from a tower, Lord Stark being executed and Robb dying on his wedding day were only some of the most troubling ones. You were already struggling when chaos ensued over Westeros making you watch in terror as one after the other, most of the terrible dreams you had seen came true. With Jon heading for the wall, your only anchor to reality was lost, leaving you to deal with everything on your own.

Your dreams became so intense that some nights you could barely recognize the difference between the horrors of your imagination and those of reality. One day, however, came a scene much more frightening than anything you had ever seen.

“Jon…”

His name left your lips in a whisper as you bolted up on your bed covered in in a thick layer of cold sweat as your heart threatened to beat out of your chest. Taking a few deep calming breaths you tried to push the image of the knife being pushed right into Jon’s heart. Even though that dream was not different than any other you had had before it felt more real, almost as if some higher power was trying to warn you. Realizing you couldn’t ignore the voice in your head screaming at you to find Jon, you grabbed a few things and set out to the Wall.

I must be completely insane, you thought while your hands fiddled with the small delicate item hanging from your neck. The dark blue pendant was of great value to you as it had been Jon’s gift the day he left for the Wall.

“I will miss you” you confessed trying to hold back the tears clouding your eyes

“So will I. Before I go there’s something I’d like to give you” Jon replied while searching his pockets for something. At the same time you took a moment to observe him up close. His dark hair was messed up causing the unruly curls to stick to different directions. After a while he pulled out a beautiful small pendant and handed it to you, wrapping both of his hands around yours.

“It’s beautiful” you said admiring the ivory blue stone hanging from it.

“It’s the only thing I have from my mother. Father said she gave it to him before he left so that he wouldn’t forget her. I’m giving it to you in the same hopes” he explained bashfully locking eyes with you. His look was one of pure hope mixed with something else you couldn’t quite put your finger on.

“Jon I can’t accept this, it is too important to give away like this” you protested knowing just how much the desired to know more about his mother.

“And I’m giving it to someone of equal importance to me” he replied making a huge smile light up your face. Jon was about to add something before he was interrupted by his uncle’s voice.

“Come on boy, we have to leave” Benjen yelled. Jon sighted and pulled you in a bone crushing hug, lingering for a moment so that he could be able to enjoy the feeling of having you snuggled up against his chest. Being so caught up in the moment and the warmth his hug provided, you didn’t realize he had to leave until he slowly pulled away with a sad smile on his lips.

Giving the blue piece of jewelry one more look you let it fall back underneath the heavy furry cloak you were wearing. At the end of your dream a woman dressed in red had spoken to you, insisting on the pendant’s importance. The incident troubled you since it had been the first time someone had directly spoken to you during one of your dreams.

Upon reaching Castle Black you felt a waive of uncertainty getting the best of you. You had no idea what you were going to say and how Jon was going to react to you suddenly appearing there. However, the problem was instantly dealt with as you were met with a familiar figure standing right in front in the gates.

“You’re late” the woman in red noted coldly as she ordered the guards to let you both in. Surprisingly, they seemed to obey her, allowing you entrance into the castle. As you followed the mysterious woman everyone shot you strange, almost scared, looks making the bad feeling that had been resting in your gut intensify.

Without any more words she Le. You to a small dark corridor stopping right in front of a wooden door.

“I need the pendant” she demanded extending her arm

“I don’t even know who you are, why should I trust you?” You asked defensively causing a knowing smirk to appear on her face.

“For the same reason you came all the way to here, because you know you have to. And because you’re his only chance” she replied pushing the door open so that you were finally able to see what was inside the room. In the center, there was a large table on top of which Jon was lying covered in nothing but a thin sheet with his eyes closed. If it weren’t for the still fresh wounds on his chest you would have certainly thought he was asleep. At the sight, your breath was caught in your throat and it took every ounce of strength you had in you not to faint.

“Is he…” you were unable to finish the question in fear that voicing your thoughts would confirm what your eyes were seeing.

“There’s still hope. Do you have the pendant?” She insisted and you nodded in reply. Giving her the small piece of jewelry, you followed her into the room.

Placing it on Jon’s chest, right on top of his once beating heart, she started chanting in a foreign language. As her words got faster and louder she harshly grabbed your hand and placed it next to hers on Jon’s chest. A few moments later you felt unnaturally tired as your strength began abandoning you. Last thing you remember was seeing Jon’s eyes snap open before everything turned black.

When Jon realized he was about to die, he had no idea what was next for him. Not having been a religious person, Jon knew nothing of the afterlife, doubting it even existed. Yet, nothing could prepare him for the sight he faced the moment he opened his eyes. Seeing the only woman he had ever loved give him a relieved smile before falling to the floor with a loud thud only added to his confusion and fear. Frantically looking around he noticed he was still in Castle Black, which could only mean one thing.

“You’re not dead. And neither is she” Mellisandre confirmed his thoughts

“What have you done? How am I alive?” questions flowed out of Jon like a river as he demanded to know what had happened causing another smirk to appear on the priestess’ face. She couldn’t help noticing just how similar the two of you were sometimes.

"You truly know nothing, Jon Snow" the red woman started "I'm afraid it's not that simple. Here, you're going to need those" she added and brought him a new pair of clothes. Giving him some time to calm down, the priestess explained everything. How Jon's advisors had betrayed and killed him and how he had been brought back to life with the help of the Lord Of Light. One of the things Jon couldn’t wrap his head around was the part you had to play in this "She is more powerful than I thought. The Lord has graced her with special powers. Others spend years training and still fail to achieve what she has"

The conversation was cut short when you slightly stirred from where Jon and Mellisandre had placed your sleeping body, making the man rush to your side. Hesitantly opening your eyes, you were met with Jon's worried glance.

"You're alive" you exclaimed, ignoring the headache that was making your head spin and rushing into his arms making him slightly stumble backwards. Jon hugged you tightly, pulling you as close to him as he could, hands tangled in your hair as you rested your head on his shoulder listening to his heartbeat for the first time in years.

"I missed you so much, Y/n" he whispered into your hair causing a shiver to run up and down your spine. Even after all this time, being in his arms felt like home. When you pulled away, just enough so that you could look at him, you saw Jon was staring at you with eyes full of sincerity and adoration mixed with something even deeper, something you'd go as far as to call love. That couldn't be right, could it?

The answer to your question came immediately, as Jon's grip on your waist tightened before he placed his lips on yours. Despite the harshness of his grip, the kiss was gentle and full of passion, as he put every ounce of longing and desperation into it. The moment you got over your shock and returned the kiss he let out a slight whimper that tugged at your heart making it melt.

When the kiss was broken, Jon allowed his forehead to rest against yours, eyes still closed in an attempt to savor the feeling of your lips molding against his.

Looking into his eyes was all the reassurance you needed to erase any sign of hesitation. Smiling lovingly at him, you traced his cheekbone with your thumb as he placed soft kissed on your hand, leaning into your touch. That was how things should be, you knew that now and so did he. And deep down the both of you had always known, but being stubborn as you were it took one of you actually dying and the other almost going crazy in order for you to admit your feelings.

When the dreams started you had desperately looked for a way to get rid of them, but seeing where they had led, you realized that maybe they were not a problem but a solution…

#jon snow x reader #jon snow imagine #jon snow #jon targaryen #game of thrones #game of thrones imagine #game of thrones x reader #got imagine #got x reader #got

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comicsnsuch · 5 years ago

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Tales from the Dark Multiverse

Hi! Thanks for finding this tumblr. The plan is to share and write about comic books, comic book art, other things that interest me and such, thus the name of the tumblr. Maybe you share some of the same interests, or maybe you’ll discover something new.

I’m going to try to post as frequently as possible, but that frequency will vary depending on what real life is like week to week. On slow weeks, there will be more stuff, on busy weeks less. You get it. Hopefully if you check in now and then you’ll find some new content.

I work (worked?) in a comic book shop, but as I have been recently reminded, due to the COVID-19/Coronavirus epidemic, I am non-essential. Thanks State Government! Always good to have a self esteem boost!

Anyway… I love comic books, reading them, talking about them, (thinking about) making them and so on. Always have, always will. I wanted to have an outlet for sharing that while I can’t be in the shop doing it face to face with customers and random strangers.

I’ll be writing short reviews for what I’ve been reading, new stuff, old stuff, posting pics, etc.

Feel free to comment, but please keep it friendly. Assholery will not be tolerated.

To start with I just finished reading all of DC Comics Tales of the Dark Multiverse one shots.

I made this in MS Paint!

These started coming out in 2019 and the last one was released in early 2020. The idea behind each is Tempus Fuginaut, a sort of Watcher type character for the DCU (who I think debuted, or at least I fist remember seeing in the Sideways ongoing, a Dark Nights Metal spin off) observing the multiverse and introducing a story that takes an important moment in DC history and asks “what would have happened if things had gone differently?” DC’s version of What If? in a nutshell.

That’s Tempus Fuginauts big ol’ head in case you were wondering

As the “Dark” in Tales of the Dark Multiverse might imply, these are not happy stories.

The first one shot that was released was Tales of the Dark Multiverse Batman Knightfall by Scott Snyder and Kyle Higgens with art by Javi Fernandez.

This was probably my least favorite of the five issues. Since the “No Justice” mini series event I’m over Scott Snyder. I feel he has so many ideas rattling around in his head that he begins one story, gets too excited about the next one and leaves you underwhelmed with the current arc but dying to read the next. (That being said I of course checked out Batman Last Knight on Earth, having read his and Capullo’s entire New 52 Batman run I didn’t want to miss their “final” word on Batman, but have not read his just wrapped run on Justice League which I hear was quite good).

I read this one right when it was released a few months ago, so my memory of it might not be the best.

This one centers around the Knightfall event where Bane breaks Batman’s back and Jean Paul Valley/Azrael takes on the role of Batman. In this reality Bruce never recovers and Jean Paul remains Batman becoming Saint Batman, a Bats Azrael mash up. Javi Fernandez does a great job on the art and Snyder loves chopping people up.

Gross.

Definitely worth the read if you’re interested in it or are a fan of Batman or just the Knightfall era. If you grab this series in collected format it’s not so bad that I recommend skipping it, just not my favorite from this batch of books.

Next up is Tales of the Dark Multiverse Death of Superman by Jeff Loveness with art by Brad Walker and Andrew Hennessey. I really enjoyed this one, it was a good quick read and had a nice arc to it. One of the better issues from this series if you’re asking me.

Right after Superman dies defeating Doomsday in the Death of Superman story arc, the rest of the Justice League shows up, literally as the blood is drying.Ten seconds too late. Lois Lane blames Supes’ death on the heroes for not being there to aid him.

She makes her way to the Fortress of Solitude and thanks to the Eradicator gets herself all the powers of Superman. She then goes about dishing out justice, with extreme prejudice, to the villains the heroes normally let the revolving doors of the DC justice system handle. This involves a couple of great scenes with Batman and Lex Luthor. Loveness nails the dialogue and the character arc he puts Lois on is great to read.

Walker and Hennesey do it again!

There’s more to this story than I’ve put here, but I don’t want to say too much and ruin your enjoyment of it if/when you read it.

Special shout out to the art team of Brad Walker and Andrew Hennessey. I feel like they don’t get enough love. They killed it on the Demon Hell is Earth mini, and from what I can tell are crushing it on Detective Comics. Dudes can draw. Spread the word!

Then we move onto Tales of the Dark Multiverse Blackest Night by Tim Seeley and Kyle Hotz.

This one was a bit wordy, but a lot of fun! I would put this one in the middle of the pack.

Seeley brings together an interesting bunch of characters including Sinestro, Dove, Lobo and the New Gods! The plot is a little complex, but basically after the Color Corps lose the battle against Nekron in Blackest Night, Sinestro is looking for a way to undo the damage done and becomes a pawn in Scott Free’s plot to do the same.

Give Seeley a Lobo book or a Hawk and Dove book, or a Mister Miracle book!. He gives each character a unique voice which makes their joint travels through the plot that much more fun to read.

Kyle Hotz’s art in this issue reminds of a 90’s Image Comic in the best possible way. Lots of detail and cool poses. I also see a lot of Bernie Wrightson in there with Hotz’s heavy use of black and the sinewy musculature of the characters. The book is worth the price of admission to see his renditions of Dove and Mister Miracle.

kewl!

I’m glad to see Hotz working more or just seeing more of Hotz’s work. I don’t know if he fell out of the industry after drawing the original The Hood mini for Marvel with Brian K. Vaughan, working with Eric “The Goon” Powell on Billy the Kid’s Old Timey Odditys, doing art on Carnage Mind Bomb and more I’m sure ( I just can’t remember it all), or I just wasn’t paying attention to what he was working on. If it’s the later, shame on me, if it’s the former, welcome back Mr. Hotz, you’re crushing it and I look forward to seeing more from you. Check out more Kyle Hotz work by following him on Instagram @kylehotzcomics.

Let’s not neglect the oft overlooked inkers! I’m not sure who inked what, but on a guess, Dexter Vines and Walden Wong brought a smooth, cleanness to the proceedings with lots of nicely tapered lines. Again just guessing here, because I don’t know for sure, but Danny Miki used a finer line bringing a scratchy-ness the others didn’t but also amazing detail and clarity on some of the portraiture in the later half of the book.

Who’s next? Why it’s Tales of the Dark Multiverse Infinite Crisis!

This one may have been my favorite. When the original Infinite Crisis series came out it was a period where, due to personal lack of enjoyment, I wasn’t reading much of DC’s output, but I did read the Countdown to Infinite Crisis one shot this issue takes as it’s jumping off point. After having read this issue, it makes me want to go back and read Infinite Crisis. I would say that’s the sign of a good issue.

In this alternate reality Blue Beetle, Ted Kord, kills Maxwell Lord instead of vice versa, making himself the head of Checkmate. He then goes about trying to prevent the coming crisis. It’s kind of a tale about absolute power corrupting absolutely, it’s also an underdog tale about getting in over your head.

Sorry if these images aren’t the best, I’m new at this!

James Tynion IV does a great job catching you up on any old DC continuity plot points you may have forgotten or never knew about in the first place.If you’re reading Tynion’s current run on Batman, or his work on Detective Comics and Justice League Dark, you know he can handle a complex plot like this and does a great job condensing it all down to a single issue. Aaron Lopresti and Matt Ryan handle the art and they do a great job. Always happy to see Lopresti’s name on a book I want to read.

Bonus points: You can never have too many Ted Kord, Blue Beetle comics, especially when Booster Gold pops up, even if only momentarily.

If this series leaves you wanting more Blue and Gold action may I direct you to Booster Gold (2nd series) #32 thru about 38ish for some quality comics.

Final one, Tales from the Dark Multiverse the Judas Contract!

I’m not as old as my writing may imply so I had to read the Judas Contract in collected format about 20 years after it was originally released and after having seen it on many a fanzine’s (Wizard) best of list. When I finally got to read it I wasn’t super familiar with the Titans of the era and already knew the big twist in the story, so it just washed over me without any great effect. None of the shock that someone who was reading it fresh in the 80’s might have experienced.

I ended up liking this twisted take on the Judas Contract much more than when I read the original. “Sacrilege!” I know, I know, but like I said there was no surprise when I first read it, while this one zigged instead of zagging multiple times and kept upping the ante in scale.

Kyle Higgins and Matt Groom do a great job reinventing a classic that I’m sure many people had high expectations for. This was a fun faced paced tale. I enjoyed the hero moments Dick Grayson and Wally West were given. Like the Knightfall one shot Higgins co-wrote with Snyder there’s no shortage of dismemberment and disfiguration, which is neither a plus or minus in this situation, just thought it was worth noting.

Tom Raney handles the art chores here and he does a fine job. Some of the figures seem a little squat, and their heads are too big in certain panels. Could I do better? No, so who am I to say anything? I just noticed it, here and there, it took me out of the flow of the story every now and then. That’s all. Big fan of his work on Stormwatch and Outsiders with Judd Winick. I also hear he’s super nice, so if you’re ever at a convention where Tom Raney is, seek him out!

They seem squat, right?

It’s worth mentioning these books are all done in DC’s prestige format and are extra long at about 48 pages each. All covers are by the fantastic Lee Weeks. A nice way to spend the afternoon.

There’s the first post. A little longer than I thought it would be. If you made it this far, I hope it was clear and you understood what I was saying and I hope you liked it and want to return for more.

Until next time!

#batman #justiceleague #teentitans #titans #greenlantern #superman #darkmultiverse #whatif #dccomics #dcu #dcuniverse #comics #comicbooks #review #comicsnsuch #spiderman #avengers

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syncogon · 6 years ago

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[QZGS Meta] on the differences between the four master tacticians

This is all quoted from Fenes (TheDefenestrator on AO3), who has given me permission to share some of her meta onto tumblr. Although in an informal format, I think these analyses really are fascinating and a worthwhile read. Thanks Fenes for being so insightful and awesome!

Future posts, if I get my stuff together, will be tagged /fenes-talks and /qzgs-meta

Without further ado:

”I really appreciate that all the master tacticians have different flavors to them

like ZXJ is careful to a ridiculous degree

and people act like YWZ is similar to him but he's really not? He thinks things through but he's way more willing to make assumptions than ZXJ is

which is why ZXJ has a defensive style while YWZ has a predictive style

like YWZ's gambit against Wei Chen when he won those three consecutive battles? So impressive, really takes an understanding of the other person's psychology, as well as an insanely good grasp of...basically everything, the surroundings, the characters, the skillpoints, the cooldowns, the decisions people will make

but it also took a huge leap of faith, in the idea that he assumed he could predict Wei Chen as a person to that degree. almost psychological in his planning

ZXJ is thorough, which means he can plan for anything, and he has lots of responses memorized, but he needs to be on a team with someone like HWQ taking up half the shot-calling to really be effective, because he isn't proactive enough to do it on his own

he'd crumble much more easily, somewhat like XSQ does/did, but worse

XSQ is interesting because his tactics were originally somewhere along the lines of "make the most of what you've got"

more careful than YWZ, but more proactive than ZXJ

on the other hand, without any real "stars" on his team, he'd have to be more careful than YWZ

YWZ works really well with an opportunist because he's pretty good and going with the flow

when you're a predictive kind of tactician, you have to be—there's no way you'll be right 100% of the time

unfortunately I didn't get to see much of XSQ before his tactics changed, but from pure contrast I'd say that "focusing on being underestimated" worked at least partially because he underestimated himself

And because people can't believe in teamwork the way they can in a single star player

(can I just say how absolutely crazy it is to me that YX has been saying "Glory isn't a single-player game" since the actual first season of the Alliance and, despite being the top god for three consecutive years, and someone considered the absolute peak of Glory, on top of being best partners for four consecutive years—somehow, almost everyone didn't actually internalize it??)

(and yet so believable. People don't understand tactics/coordination the way they do personal strength, so they can't believe in it the way they can personal ability)

anyway, after his change, XSQ is more willing to believe in his abilities and his players, becomes less careful, and actually starts winning more

I really wish we had more from his POV when he's succeeding as a master tactician, because I want to see more of his style

but I think I'd say that he pursues the ideal now more than he did before

like, before, as a tactician, he'd take the safest way that made use of his team's strengths as a coordinated unit

now, he give the kind of specific directions and micromanaging you can only do if you genuinely believe in the ability of your teammates to pull it off

which gives him a lot more freedom to actually get the best outcome

and this realization of how he needed to change came from the fact that Ye Xiu used Wu Chen to beat EE and a bunch of noobs

YX had a lot longer to prepare, but he also fully grasped and believed in the ability of each of his players

which we do get to see XSQ thinking, he's like "holy shit, he used every single one of them to their best ability. Every. One."

and from that point on he stops lamenting his lack of star players or star characters and starts believing in the qualities they DO have, and making use of them

now the coolest thing to me about all these master tacticians is that they debuted in the same year, and they all learned from YX

they must have—there's no one else listed as being nearly as good at strategy as YX is, and he was the winner for the three consecutive years before he showed up

which means they all looked at the same player but came away with very different ideas of what tactics should be, according to their personalities

ZXJ sees someone doing amazing tactics and thoroughly researches it, comes up with a working library of all the tactics there are, comes up with his own thinks through every possibility he can and comes up with countermeasures he never clashes with HWQ's leading, despite being (I think they said) the only team with two shot-callers

because he is reactionary in nature, and he adjusts to whatever HWQ wants to do, using any of his many, many backup plans

XSQ sees someone use tactics and teamwork to overcome other, equally strong teams, and thinks "this is what teamwork can do—tactics are how you overcome stronger opponents, and no one is ever expecting it, because they have so much faith in their stars, but even stars are limited"

but he also saw that YX used his own star ability to take down teams, so he could never believe that he would be on YX's level without a star to back him up, which is why he spent the first half of his time lamenting what he lacked—until he saw that YX did just fine without star characters or power on his team too, and decided that he'd been blinded by YX's ability to the full spectrum of what tactics could achieve

YWZ looked at YX using tactics in a way that proved he was predicting his opponent's movements and had already planned for them—because YX's tactics almost always work the first time, so he can't have chosen randomly. He uses different strategies against different opponents, he's definitely reacting to who they are and what kinds of things they're going to do, and YWZ understands people enough that he knows the who aspect of the person he's fighting matters a lot. So he figures out peoples' mental states and most likely actions and, having gained a thorough understanding of the situation, predicts the most likely outcomes and adapts when his predictions fall short

I think YWZ is honestly the closest to YX in terms of actual type of tactics, in that YX thinks a lot about mentality and is quite good at prediction. but this might be my bias toward psychology showing...

the best analysis of YX's tactics actually probably comes from Wang Jiexi, calling everything he does "the crudest style"

not in that it's poorly thought-out, or ineffective, but in that it makes use of absolutely everything that anyone could ever find useful, and uses it whenever he deems it necessary

he has a lot of plans and understands a lot about what people are likely to do, but he also is really good at adapting to the moment

he's good at figuring out exactly how good the people on his side are and adapting to that, to make the best use of their abilities

he also does psychological warfare with some frequency, though not to the extent that someone like Wei Chen does in an individual match—like, he heals himself during the group arena during the challenger's league, even though the narration says it was completely unnecessary, to give his opponent a sense of hopelessness

making people doubt themselves works well for him, because he's a really large existence in peoples' minds, very intimidating

and hopeless people aren't as good at fighting

but he's also good at shouldering a lot himself, making up for any deficiencies his team has, but relying on them to pull off what they need to along with his plans

I think his confidence helps with that too—he's so sure of his understanding of others' abilities that he's able to fully use them, and by being so confident he makes others believe in themselves, too

one of the few times we get a chance to see more nuances about YX is when he's being compared to his little brother, and one of the biggest differences Chen Guo notices is how incredibly confident YX is

Frequently this pisses people off, but when he's believing in you, it's a good feeling

the other time the story talks about YX's style as a tactician being adaptable is in the team match against XSQ—when people are like "so when the opponent has a star player you use coordination, but when the opponent has tactics you use yourself as a star player??" or something like that

he does what works best, and nothing else, regardless of how it looks to other people

thus, crude, but effective

....anyway yeah that's my essay on the master tacticians

I love them a lot”

- Fenes 8.28.2018

#quan zhi gao shou #qzgs #the king's avatar #tka #全职高手 #qzgs meta #fenes talks #mine #(just so i can find this later)

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zrtranscripts · 5 years ago

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Season 8, Mission 27: I Will Kill Again

Order Of The Red God

SHONA REID: I wish we could have been friends, Five. I bet you're scared down there in the dark. I can just imagine you running through those caves, stumbling between shadow and stone. You should see it up here. It's gorgeous! Green hills, cloud-swept skies. I love this island, Five. I was born and bred here. It's part of me. Shame half the folk living here are idiots. Gossips like Morag Brown. They don't see who I am. They just see the laird's kid, plucky lass and nae much to think about. But I've got power, Five. The fruit of this island in my blood. That's why I wish we could be friends. Because you can see the real me.

Tom went down heavy when I shot him, eyes wide. You lot really thought it was my dad, didn't you? Leading the skincoats. You thought he stole the Edda. The key to the red fungus growing on the mainland, the secret of why has died off there but strives here. The key to that bloody Prime Minister of yours who thinks she can tell us our island is quarantined! Is that you, Five? I'm sitting right by the cave I led Tom out of. I see shuffling down there.

[gunshot]

I took his gun along with his headset. That is you, Five. I recognize your shadow. Hoping to get out this way, I bet. Tom couldn't get past me, and neither can you. [gunshot] Missed. Ah well. That's it, Five. Swerve around, back into the depths. I better follow you. Can't have you telling everyone about me. You run those caves. I know you like a race, but I was faster than Tom. I bet I'll be faster than you, too.

SHONA REID: Do you see the carvings on the walls, Five? The twining circles? They're ancient. Left by the first islanders, markers of the deepest tunnels. We are deeper than you've ever been. Lachlan and I used to run these caves. My idea. The old myths say these tunnels are full of ghosts, spirits of long-dead islanders. I was little when my mum passed away. Meningitis. I used to think if there were ghosts down here, maybe I'd find hers.

There's a lot of ghosts around this island, Five. Tom was right. I did shoot Lachlan's decoy that night on the beach. Lachlan was supposed to be there alone. The decoy looked like him in the storm. When I realized my mistake, I meant to go after him, make him pay for tricking me. I could have got to the Edda then, but you lot had shown up. Put the island on alert. I had to get off the beach fast.

I was so angry with you, spoiling all my plans! But you did provide one thing. The death that was foretold. Your Ellie was the first sacrifice of the season of the red god. I see your torch flickering ahead of me, Five. Dying batteries. [gunshot, stalactite crashes to ground] Almost got you there, didn't I? Don't worry. I meant to hit that stalactite, drop it to block the passage. Just making sure you turned right instead of left.

See the carvings overhead? Clouds and lightning cut into the rock. The ancients saw storms as sacred. It's the last sky you'll see through human eyes, Five. My gift to you. You keep running straight. There's something else I want to show you before the end.

SHONA REID: Take a moment, Five. Look around. Not many have seen the cavern you're passing through. Isn't it something? All those stone pillars and altars, carvings on every surface. My mum would have loved this place. She was writing a book on the mythology here, left me all her notes after... After she died.

This chamber was made by ancients. People who lived here long before the Vikings came. I always wondered what they meant it for, but now I know. The red god in my head connects me to all its followers, past and present. I see them here, dancing between the pillars in the very first ceremony for the king of the rocks. It was so long ago, they weren't even fully human! Before we spoke, before we ever lit a fire, the red god loved us! Who do you think taught us about fire?

Look up, Five. On the ledge above you. Or had you lost me? [gunshot] Oh, good reflexes, darting behind that pillar!

The Vikings wrote about the king of the rocks. Their Edda is our oldest written record of it. They witnessed so many things on our island, including our red god. The wizard Loki stole some red god from this isle, used it to create her wakened warriors, mingled it with plagues for her amusement. The Vikings didn't understand the alliance that existed here. Since time began, some islanders have been taking the red blessing. Step out of the shadows, friends.

Do you like the skincoats, Five? And the flaming torches? We're big on the traditional look. The history books called us guardians of law and order, but we're so much more than that. We're the order of the red god. The protectors of this island's secrets. The order appeared to me as a child. I used to wander the caves, playacting legends from mum's notes. I was obsessed. The perfect recruit. They called me blessed.

No point backing towards the altars, Five. I'm above you. There's all nine of us encircling you. No more bullets, but we don't need them. Everyone who drinks the water on Mor Island, come this season, gets a little red god in their veins, a little of the red god and a little of the silver mud in perfect balance. The red makes Mor Islanders just that bit smarter, longer-lived, and thanks to the silver, they get to keep their humanity. A beautiful symbiosis.

But we in the order take extra sacrament. Keeps us fast and strong. The red god connects us, whispers in our dreams. What Lachlan Jones told Morag Brown was right. We see through each other's eyes. If there's red god in you, we can start to sense your thoughts. Morag was right not to think too hard about the Edda. If she'd envisaged it in her mind, we'd have seen it. That's where you can never defeat us. There's a line of us stretching back millennia. I can even see my own hand faintly as it writes the Edda all those years ago.

And I see us closing in on you from every side. Look at you, Five. Squeezing between those altars and diving through that arch. But the tunnels past there are a labyrinth! Keep running all you like! We know this place by heart, and we enjoy the chase.

SHONA REID: These caves really twist and turn, don't they, Five? So dark and shadowy. We almost lost you. Don't worry. There are ledges on top of the tunnel you're in. I've got people watching you.

Ach, honestly Five, this wee chat is like therapy. The thing about being in a secret order of only nine people is you dinnae get to gossip much. I've been bursting to show your lot who I really am. I killed Callum. He was going to break our oldest traditions, move the king of the rocks. We couldnae allow it, so I stepped up. The youngest in the order, and the bravest. I struck him with that rock. It was a family duty.

Poor Lachlan was the perfect scapegoat. We were shocked years later when we heard he'd found the Edda. So I sent him a message pretending to be my dad, told Lachlan he'd be forgiven if he brought it home. Remember how I said some of the coastal caverns flood, Five? The old islanders built channels into these caves, ways to redirect the flow. One of their little traps. Pull the right ropes, lift the right stones, and the floodwater goes anywhere. We're sending it to you.

That night on the beach, after I killed Lachlan's decoy, I searched his boat. He'd run off with the Edda, but guess what I found instead? A wee metal box, and the red god provides. Because then I bumped into you lot. I had Janine's control box all along. All I had to do was make her sicker now and then, keep you mad for Jones, and you lot hunted down the Edda for us. Had to smash the box on that ice bridge, or you would have wondered why Lachlan hadnae used it to heal himself.

Remember our last cave, Five, where I kept scorecard? All those grave-marked faces, that's the old way. To keep trophies of your hunt. I didnae kill them all, but I brought Lachlan here. I get credit for the fallout. I could have killed you there, but I like you, Five. You helped save the island from those disgusting godless modern zoms. And the Edda still needed sniffing out.

You've got a destiny, Five. The same as me. I knew it as soon as I heard your name. There are five circles in the symbol of eternity, the red god's sign. You've been chosen. Once you're one of us, you can help us eradicate the tainted undead from the mainland, the abominations that perverted the red god's gift. We're the only ones who can do it.

LAIRD REID: [distorted] Runner Five, hello. Can you hear me?

SHONA REID: There goes your torch, Five. Our eyes are used to this gloom. Yours aren't. And the water is rising.

LAIRD REID: [distorted] Runner Five, hello! It's Laird Reid. Five, if you're hearing me, please follow the signal. Run in whatever direction my voice sounds strongest. I've called help. I can get you out, but you need to follow my voice. Run.

SHONA REID: We see you feeling your way along the cave walls, Five. Just give up. The water's already thigh-deep.

LAIRD REID: [distorted] This signal keeps fading. [?] stabilizing this bloody walkie-talkie. This should be on private channel. Okay, got it. I know you're surprised to hear me, Five. I – I was out looking for Shona. She said she was going for a run near Bas Sands. Since the ice bridge, I don't like her staying out late.

I heard Tom's last moments. He set his comms to transmit on the island's walkie-talkie frequency. Must have hoped someone was near enough to overhear. Shona's not a killer, Five! Look, those people drugged her, or-or tricked her, or... or something. I'm at the cave exit near where Tom died. If you hear me, home in on my voice. The louder my signal, the closer you are. And if you hit a dead end, double back. I hear flooding on your end. Hurry!

SHONA REID: I see you tilting your head, Five. Like your listening. You're moving with a lot of purpose. Someone's helping you, aren't they? Fine. If you're being difficult, I told you I have eyes on the ledges above you. All of you, climb down to intercept Five. I dinnae care if there's flooding. Nobody escapes our sanctum! Give chase, everyone. Run!

LAIRD REID: Look ahead, Five. That daylight at the end of the tunnel? That's where I am. The mouth of the cave. Keep going. You're clear of the flooding. I'm sorry about Tom, Five. He seemed like a good man.

SHONA REID: My people are right behind you, Five. I see you through their eyes.

LAIRD REID: Hurry, Five! There are skincoats following you!

SHONA REID: Is that... my dad? Is he helping you? Don't think he can stop us, Five. We've seen the Edda. The red god's ordered a new king of the rocks. We know how to perfect it. It's chosen us. It's chosen me. No one is getting in our way.

LAIRD REID: Five, those figures are almost on you. Get out of that cave, run!

LAIRD REID: Five, you made it. You're in daylight.

SHONA REID: My people are still behind you, Five. We can chase you just as well into the light.

LAIRD REID: They're still coming. I left my rifle at home. Bolt for those trees! We need cover.

[gunshots]

PAULA COHEN: Five! It's okay. It's us.

LAIRD REID: Look, Five, coming over that hill. Janine and Dr. Cohen. They're firing on the skincoats. That's it! Back, you devils! Back into the caves. [gunshots] Colonel, the skincoats are retreating. You can stop!

[JANINE DE LUCA screams in rage]

PAULA COHEN: It's okay, Janine. You're -

JANINE DE LUCA: Out of ammo. Yes.

PAULA COHEN: The laird called us for help, Five. We came as quickly as we could. We... found Tom's body. Jody's with him. Janine ordered Sam to stay with her. I'm glad you're okay.

LAIRD REID: Colonel, I know Tom was your brother. My daughter's hurt you. She's not thinking -

JANINE DE LUCA: A killer, Mr. Reid. She's lied to us, manipulated us, and declared war on us. There will be time to grieve later. We must fall back to safety. Five, you and Tom have uncovered our true enemy at enormous cost, and I swear I won't let his death be in vain. I will stop Shona Reid, no matter what it takes.

#zombies run #zrs8 #s8m27 #I will kill again #zr transcript #zrs8 spoilers

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moonlight-at-dawn · 6 years ago

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Fandom: Final Fantasy XV Title: Discoveries LUNOCT WEEK 2019 DAY #3 @lunoctweek Rating: M Genre: Smut Summary: Noctis learns a few new things about his wife Lunafreya the first time he undresses her.

It seemed to Noctis that it was something of a crime that a few weeks into their marriage, with dozens of intimate encounters under their belts, he had yet to enjoy the simple pleasure of undressing his gorgeous wife, Lunafreya.

Of course he appreciated the efforts she put in to look like she belonged in his fantasies more than real life, and she hadn't worn the same piece of lingerie twice in these weeks. But he craved something more organic. It was disorienting to be in the middle of making out with her, hands beginning to edge under her clothes, just to have her pull back and excuse herself with promise heavy in her voice and expressions. He would let her go, and she would disappear for several minutes, leaving his ardor cooling, and then she would return, looking fantastic in lingerie that she didn't wear for long.

But he wanted to just undress her from her regular clothes. He wanted to unzip her dress and watch it fall to the floor, to see her in her ordinary underclothes. She didn't have to fancy herself up for him. But every time he tried to explain that to her, he found himself faltering. He was gaining confidence however, confidence not just in his skills to make her feel good, but that she very, very much wanted him to do so, with great frequency. So, if he made the stand against her disappearing to doll herself up, it wouldn't seem too aggressive. He worried often about things like that, not wanting her to feel forced by anything, in spite of her reassurances that she felt nothing but warmth, safety, and bliss in his arms.

Noctis stared up at luxurient bed canopy, his eyes unfocused as he mulled all of this over. He noted the faint sound, the shift in the flow of air as the door to the royal suite swung open and then shut. A few moments later, Luna stepped into the King's chambers, which they shared, as Luna had no desire to sleep alone in the Queen's chambers. It had been quite a few generations since there had been a loveless marriage amongst the Lucian royals, and Noctis was grateful that his hadn't broken that record. His chest still swelled with awed happiness whenever she stepped in the room. They were together again, they were married, and she loved him.

He sat up and smiled over at her, noting that among the shopping bags she carried, he was fair certain she had picked up a few new pieces of lingerie. "What all did you guys do?" he asked in amusement as she opened up the door to her closet and hung up the bags on a peg to sort out later. She leaned around the doorframe to smile at him, and the look she shot at her bags said he'd asked a silly question. He laughed, leaning back on one hand, the other resting on the leg he had crossed over a knee. "I mean, besides shopping. Or what kind of shopping. You have fun?"

She giggled and turned off the light to the large closet, leaving the door open to remind her she wasn't done yet, and she came over to sit beside him on the bed. "We had a wonderful time, Noctis. Iris brought me to some great shops I hadn't found yet, and we met up with Aranea while we were out, too, and she got us to go into some other stores we probably would never have stepped into on our own." There was a faint blush on her cheeks as she laughed, and Noctis felt his own face heat up as he guessed at the types of shops the older woman probably got them into.

"I'm glad, you've needed to get out for a few days."

"And what about you?" she pouted, raising a brow at him. It was true, he'd been stuck indoors for a few days. He hadn't even gone as far outside as the inner court gardens, which were connected to their rooms.

Thinking that, he stood up and held his hand out to her with a smile. "Maybe my beautiful healer wife can beg me a morning off to regain my humanity?"

She snorted at his phrasing, but she had a tender smile on her lips and concern in her eyes as she rested her hand delicately in his. She rose to her feet and he led her to the door out to their private corner of garden and onto the moonlit cobble square in the center of the small retreat. His arms wrapped around her and he pulled her to his chest, where she rested her cheek comfortably to his shoulder. After a moment of relaxation, after their breathing seemed to sync to the same calm rhythm, Luna began to sway. Noct responded by setting a hand on her lower back. She slipped her fingers into his other hand, and they rocked together in the spotlight created by the full moon's light in a simple, silent dance.

Luna turned her face up to regard him and found him watching her with his blue eyes shining with warmth. She found him often looking at her in that way, and it made her whole body flush with wonder and happiness. The hand at her back pressed just a bit more firmly to her and she leaned up for the kiss he was silently requesting. Their lips met and their dance halted as they held one another close, each of them burying deep their fears that they may be ripped apart again, that fear shown only in the desperate way they clung one another.

Noct's hands drifted further down her back, and she smiled against his lips as he pulled her tight against him, letting her feel his burgeoning arousal against her hip. Her hands rubbed down his chest and she moaned happily against his lips, able to feel a reaction to her sound from between his legs. She grinned, proud of the reactions she could get from him. His hands began to bunch up the fabric of her dress and she felt herself clench deep within her abdomen with eager excitement. Letting out a shaky breath, she whispered, "Let's go inside. I've something I wish to wear for you."

He didn't let her go when she began to pull back, and she raised a brow curiously. His lips didn't answer with words but with actions, pressing wet kisses along her smooth throat. She sighed happily and threaded fingers through his hair, laughing quietly as she tugged, "Come, Noctis."

"Not yet," he mumbled, and she wasn't sure if he meant they weren't to move inside yet, or if he thought she was ordering him to an early climax. She blushed faintly as she remembered making that request of him the other night, but it hadn't been 'early,' and there had been no mistaking what she had wanted of him. His hands pulled her skirts up higher, and she panicked for a brief moment at being outdoors, until she remembered this section of garden had no other ways in, and was very carefully constructed so that it couldn't be spied upon. At most, someone could hear, and so she bit her lip once she came to that realization.

"Noctis," she whispered, his hands almost up to her hips, her body still just barely covered by the bunched up skirts, slinky fabric trying to melt out of his grasp. "I want you, so let's go in..."

"Let me undress you."

She was surprised by his whispered reply, and she blushed, looking around anxiously, even though she had already reassured herself that no one would see her there. "Here?"

"We can go in, but, don't disappear on me. Let me undress you." He felt his nerves rising as he repeated himself, but his hands kept inching her skirts ever higher. She shivered under him and nodded, and he smiled at her, letting out a relieved breath. He ducked his head to kiss her, and he let her skirts begin to drape again, the heavy fabric curtained awkwardly over his arms as he refused to release her hips just yet. Stroking her skin, his brow knitted in confusion, but he let her dress fall the rest of the way so they could go back into their room.

Doors closed and privacy assured, Noctis pulled Luna to him, tucking her back against his chest, leaning against the wall. His hands slid along her front, fabric rippling smoothly under his fingers. His lips teased along her neck and she let out a soft sigh, tilting her head for his ease. "Don't get me wrong," he mumbled, his hands working their way back up, taking a moment to grope her chest, squeezing playfully and making her laugh. "I love the way you look in your lingerie. It's the interruption, that I don't want." His hands worked at her hair, letting down the long locks that were twisted and pinned up. He left her braids alone, but combed his fingers through the rest, making sure he pulled free all of the bobby pins.

"Mm, I don't like that part either," she admitted, tilting her head back and closing her eyes, enjoying the feel of his fingers running through her hair. His lips found her neck again and she smiled, reaching back to ruffle his own messy black hair. "But I don't want you disappointed by what I normally wear under my dresses."

"Luna, I wouldn't be disappointed if you wore a burlap sack. You can only make an already sky-high opinion go even higher." His tone sounded almost like he was berating her, and they each blushed at his forceful compliments. "I just mean, the lingerie really isn't needed every time. You're beautiful, Luna, and I want you just as you are. Save the dress up for special moments?"

She nodded and leaned back against him, one arm sliding around her waist. He set her hair clips down on a table in reach, and then she had both of his arms around her again and his lips at her shoulder. She closed her eyes and felt his hair cool on her skin, shivering as it tickled her neck. His hands slid down her body again, and he pulled up the heavy skirts of her dress again, a hand sliding all over her thigh. She blushed as he rubbed his hand between her legs, where she was very much bare, and he whispered, "I knew it. You aren't wearing underwear."

"I never do," she admitted, "Except those few pieces meant for you to take right off."

He chuckled at that and shook his head with a grin. "I thought you said I might be disappointed?"

"Well, nothing gets left to the imagination?"

"Yeah, but, easy access. Any time. Dresses and no underwear? Luna, that's hot."

She laughed but her cheeks flushed, as she had never really considered it that way before. It was just a matter of preference to her, as she found it much easier than needing to make sure no lines showed through her dresses. He let her skirts fall again, and his hands went right to the zipper that ran from under her arm to her hip. Then his fingers skimmed along graceful shoulders, slipping under fabric and easing it forward. Her chest was slowly exposed, and then the dress was dropped to the floor. His hands came up to her breasts again, and he stopped his sweet kisses to crane his head over her shoulder and look down her front to see what had felt so odd under his hands. "Nipple petals?"

"I don't like lines showing through my clothes," she finally explained, looking down at herself with a blush. "So I tape my breasts into place instead of wearing bras."

"So... You only wear bras, for me to take off, too?"

"Yes...," she admitted. He laughed and she buried her face in her hands, which made him laugh even more.

"And you honestly thought this would disappoint me? I figured you meant you were wearing some ugly color full cup bra and granny panties when you said that." He was still chuckling as he spun her around in his hold and kissed her. He ran his hands over her breasts, laughing against her lips as she playfully arched back, pretending to try to get away.

"W-Well," she mumbled, and she pushed him away with a laugh and a hand on his cheek, so she could get the space to speak and explain. "This part is a little annoying, actually. Gotta soak the tape first to take it off." He raised a brow and was about to comment on the inconvenience of that particular bit, but she shook her head and smiled. "Holding a hot wet cloth to it is enough, but it does still involve walking away."

"Then it can stay until we're done." He said it as a statement, but there was question in his eyes, and the hand on her hip was only urging her to return to press against him, rather than tugging her. She nodded to him and he smiled, and then he pulled her close. She was tucked against him, her bare skin becoming chill, and she shivered at the feel of his suited body along hers. He started to move them towards the bed, and her fingers took to working on his dress shirt. He laid her down on the oversized mattress and held himself up over her as she continued to work on his shirt. His tie was next as his shirt hung open, and she shivered again when cold buttons brushed along her stomach. She smiled at him as he sat back on his heels to drop the clothes over the edge of the bed, and his hands went to his belt.

Her hands batted at his and took over, and she smiled up at him, "I should get to undress you as well." He laughed quietly and nodded his head, letting her work open his belt and then his pants. She pushed his shoulder and made him flop onto his back before he could pull down his pants, and she rolled on top of him with a grin. He mirrored her expression, laying under her, moving just enough to help her as she worked off his clothing. She straddled him, sitting back on his thighs, fingernails tracing thin white lines down his chest, the marks disappearing quickly. He stroked her hips, hands eagerly squeezing curves and powerful thighs.

He looked her over, raising a hand to cup a breast held perfectly in place with the flesh toned tape. He studied it curiously and she gave him the time, massaging his chest while he rubbed his thumb over the tape and where gauze protected her taped down nipple. "You said hot towels work to remove it?" She nodded, and he absently did as well, clearly thinking something. Then he met her gaze and grinned. "We'll just get a towel steamer for our room, then." She blushed. Then she smiled, a sultry wickedness slipping into the expression, and she leaned over him for a passionate kiss.

His hands smoothed down her back, and she was struck once again by how large they felt on her slender form. She loved how powerful he felt when he held her close, his strength hidden by a slim build. She lay over him, gasping against his lips, feeling his breath, feeling his heart thudding against her chest, wondering if he felt hers as well. He urged her to move over him, her heat dragging along his length, teasing both of them. She moaned and he bit at her lip, and then his fingers threaded through her loose hair. He gave a faint tug, and she looked at him curiously. "Come up here. Sit on my face."

She flushed, he always got more forward as things heated up so far. But then, she did as well, and he became as flustered as she was now. She nodded at him, eagerness shining in her eyes, and she sat up before moving. Gripping the headboard, she started to lower herself, but he seized her hips and pulled her down to meet his lips. She moaned softly as his tongue ran along her. He struggled with patience, lips pressing to her, wrapping around her, sucking in earnest, rubbing his face against her. It didn't take too long for her passions to match his indulgence, and she couldn't quite help herself but to rock against his face. He didn't seem to mind, if anything he preferred it, as she felt his powerful groan vibrating against her.

Resting forehead to cold wood, she let a hand release the headboard to reach down between her legs and tangle in a mess of thick black hair. Her nails teased his scalp and he took to his work with a greater eagerness. She moved more and more against him, spurred on by the encouragements of his voice and hands, and finally she cried out in sweet release. Noct seemed to hesitate a moment, she could feel the tension of action not taken in his shoulders under her thighs. Then he moved, lifting her just enough to slip out from under her. He pulled her back against his chest and reached a hand between her legs. His arousal pressed against her, and his hand held him steady as he pressed within her.

They moaned as he slid deep within, falling forward onto pillows, with her body melding down into the plush mattress. She groaned and turned her head, trying to peek behind her, but her hair was a fluffy disaster across her face. He chuckled, the sound deep and throaty with the passions of the moment. He propped himself up over her, pulling her hair away as she blew futile breaths at it. He kissed her cheek as he smoothed her hair down, and she smiled, yanking a pillow into position under her head, arms folded under it. Soft grunts sounded in the room as he thrust within her, and she clawed at the pillow that she hugged close. His touch ran along her sides, slipping under her legs, tickling her stomach, massaging breasts. She moaned, the sound muffled into the pillow, and she heard a self-satisfied laugh from above. She would've been annoyed, if he hadn't just found that sweet spot deep within, the one that had her body quivering and hastening towards bliss. Instead of irritation, she was a mewling puddle under him, trying both to wriggle, to release the tension he suddenly wound up tight within her gut, while not wanting to move, lest she ruin it.

He felt her squeeze tight around him, grinned at the gutteral moan she let out into the pillow. He didn't stop, but he did let that perfect angle drop away, taking a hand away from a hip. He bunched up her hair and tossed it up onto the pillow, away from her back, so that he could lean over and kiss freckled skin. She still whimpered beneath him, but she gave no indication that she wanted a break, and so he was unrelenting, still seeking out his own release. He kissed up to her ear and let his breath wash hot over her sensitive skin. She shivered at his moaning voice, the needy way he declared his love for her, and his lips teasing at her skin. A shock of pleasure ran through her unexpectedly as her name was spoken with so much passion directly against her ear. His name on her lips, she shifted, trying to turn, and pled, "Let me see you."

Pulling back, he rolled her over, taking her hips swiftly and settling himself between her legs, within her once more. They moaned together and her hands rubbed along his chest, her darkened gaze looking them over with rapture. Arms wrapping around his shoulders, she pulled him down, lips tasting lips, moans and gasps lost between them. He reached down, folding her legs up to pin knees to his shoulders, and his hands slid under her hips. He thrust within her needily and she encouraged him with hot whispers and gentle scratches along his back. Moments later, his face pressed deep in the crook of her neck, his bucking hips came to a jerking halt as he moaned and shivered with release. A heavy sigh and his body resting down on her signaled his utter satisfaction, and Luna smiled warmly, freeing her legs to wrap them around his waist, holding him tenderly against her. She teased fingers through his hair and stared up at the canopy, a dazed and sated smile on her lips.

"The towel steamer is a great idea," she mumbled some dozen slowed breaths later. "They'll just think we're pampering ourselves anyway."

"I just missed your nipples." His voice was muffled by the pillow his face was firmly pressed into beside her head.

She snorted in laughter, hugging him. They relaxed in silence for a few more heartbeats, and then she spoke up. "To be honest, I did too."

#lunoctweek2019 #noctluna #lunoct #misha writes #ffxv fanfic

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morgemuffel · 6 years ago

Text

MALEC. ➰ PROS & CONS TO MARRY YOU. (STAY WITH ME)

This story takes place between episode 3Bx16 & 3B17. Why does Alec suddenly thinks about getting married?

-> Alec creates a pro and contra list about whether he should propose to magnus or if it is too early etc. He confronts himself with his thoughts and fears, which had never been expressed loudly before. *(Part 3 of my series: our heart beats like one)

My vision is blurred and everything around me happens like in slow motion. I'm standing there like a fool and don't have the strength to move. My heart contracts as if it were crushed in someone's fist. The air is thin and Izzy had called Catarina Loss to help, when she heard my cries for help. I'm so mad at myself. "Magnus, Magnus, can you here me?" is the only thing I can say. Why didn't I see it coming? I'm still standing there as if rooted to the ground, too shocked to do anything meaningful. "Please, I'm right here" I continue talking, in the hope that he at least hears my voice. I had given Magnus a heart rhythm massage until Cat finally arrived after a felt eternity. Cat now kneels next to Magnus on the floor and holds her hands over his right clavicle and left chest muscle. Stand back" she commands. A blue cloud flows out of her palms, enveloping his lifeless body, and once again an electric shock of several thousand volts shot through his chest area to reactivate his heartbeat. "Come on, Magnus. Hang in there" Catarina screamed in panic as still nothing happened. "Catarina is he going to be all right?" I ask anxiously. Another electric shock. But Magnus, whose body had just shrugged like wild before, lay there now only calm and motionless. "I...I...Alec he's gone..." Cat sobs and looks at me in disbelief. I see the tears rolling over her blue face. I know that she has done everything in her power, because she doesn't even have the strength to maintain her glamour. I feel pure fear crawling up inside of me. No. No he can't be dead, he simply just can't be dead! I don't know how, but somehow my body starts moving again and I stumble uncoordinated and fall on the floor next to Magnus. Stay with me is the only thought that constantly wanders through my head and throbs like my own heartbeat in my head. I form my right hand into a ball and place the left hand over it to start another heart rhythm massage. I feel Cat's pitiful look on me, but she says nothing. I won't give up on him. Press twice per second, I know how it works, every shadowhunter knows the required frequency, but the longer I press the more the fear is taking over me and the more irregular my rhythm becomes. I repeat: "stay with me Magnus" to the beat of my pressure movement. I can't lose you, I just can't. "Stay with me Magnus" I taste something salty wet in my mouth and realize that it is my tears that flow over my face and is taking my sight. But I can't wipe them away. I don't have time to release my hands from Magnus. "Stay with me Magnus! I don't have to see anything to know that I can't stop, that I won't stop. "Stay with me Magnus!" I drift off and my body... Oh God as if I were in free fall... No. No. No. The darkness surrounds me and I am lost in nothing. My thoughts echo through the dark void. Our hearts beat like one and if his stop beating, mine dies with him. Magnus is dead.

Alec opens his eyes disorientated, he is bathed in sweat and his heart races as fast as it threatens to jump out of his chest. He looks around in fear and searched for Magnus. He is alive, it was all just a nightmare! At least the part about his death. Alec's subconscious had probably played a trick on him with his greatest fear. The fear of losing Magnus. How could this happen? Why had he not noticed the signs? Or had he noticed them and simply ignored them...? Alec is sitting on a very uncomfortable plastic chair, in the New York Institute in the Medic department, watching Magnus. His chest lifts and lowers gently to the beeping sound of the ECG device. His breathing is flat and slow but he is breathing. It is so unusual to see him uncombed and without make-up. In the blue coat he seemed almost inconspicuous and very vulnerable. Alec has been sitting on this chair for hours, he must have fallen asleep, he thinks, rubbing the palms of his hands against his face. He closes his eyes and the pictures reappear before his inner eye. With a shake of his head he tries to shake the pictures away. Yes, it was close but they had made it and Cat had set up everything right here to watch Magnus non-stop. A cold shiver ran down Alec's back as he tried to interpret his dream, it had felt so real. And he believed he knew what the message was behind it. He had to apologize to Magnus. Alec had a guilty conscience because he should have known how tortured his boyfriend really was.

Alec interlaced his fingers and began to speak slowly: "Magnus, I... I don't know if you can here me. But this is my fault. I was selfish. When you first lost your powers and you said you were okay with it, I...I didn't think twice. I guess I was just so happy that maybe we could... grow old together." He took a break to breathe deeply. It was the first time he said it out loud. He was ashamed of that thought. He had asked himself several times whether he was a bad boyfriend because of that. He had talked to Underhill about this topic. But to say it out loud, to hear his voice, brought him the knowledge and thus the answer to his question. It had hurt him when Magnus had accepted Lorenzo's magic without talking to him about it. But Magnus magic was a part of him and he didn't have the right to begrudge him that. And he knew one thing for sure. To see Magnus happy was the only thing that really mattered. Alec's heart got heavier at this thought and he started rubbing his thumb over his ankles nervously. He tended to exert so much pressure on that movement that it almost hurt. But the pain there eased the pain in his heart. He sniffed before continuing: "I guess I just didn't realize, how deep down, how much you were suffering. Magnus, I love you. He reached for Magnus' hand, near the tears and his voice was now full of despair: "More than anyone in the world and I'm so sorry. I'm sorry." He heard the sliding door open and quickly wiped away the one tear that had made it over his cheeks. "May I come in" Cat asked gently. "Yeah" Alec replied and stood up with a deep sigh to talk to Cat about Magnus' condition. "Did you manage to make contact with the people at the Spiral Labyrinth" he asked full of hope. She nodded, "yes, I shared the test results, an he agreed. Magnus' body is rejecting Lorenzo's magic. "Rejecting? What do you mean?" Alec asked and folded his arms in front of his chest. "Think of it like a failing organ transplant. Each time Magnus performs a spell it puts a tremendous strain on his body. He got lucky this time. He will regain consciousness . But if he uses magic again, even for something small, he might not survive," she explained to Alec in a haunting tone. "Why can't you just fix him? Why can't you just take Lorenzo's magic out?" Alec asks in surprise. "I wish I could. The only one who can reverse the transfer is the person who gave it to him" she explains. "Lorenzo did this on purpose," Alec hummed furiously. "Alec, there's no way he could have planned it. With magic transfusions, there's always this possibility." Cat tried to protect Lorenzo. But Alec disagreed. "No he knew how desperate Magnus was. He took advantage of him. I'm not gonna let this son of a bitch get away with it." he hissed upset and tried to squeeze past Cat. But Catarina grabbed him by the arm and held him tight when she said: "You need to settle down. What's the shadowhunter saying? - Emotions cloud judgment? - You loose your temper with Lorenzo, he'll have less incentive to help. Like it or not, Lorenzo Rey is Magnus only hope" she made clear to him.

On his way to Lorenzo's loft, Alec shook his head in disbelief. Had he really just thought that? He corrected the sentence in his mind. Magnus' Loft. He was on his way to Magnus' loft in Brooklyn that was stolen by this mucous guy Lorenzo Rey. Magnus hasn't woken up yet, so Alec had decided to ask Lorenzo to take back the magic he had given him. He was almost certain that this would also be Magnus' wish. Magnus' near death had shown Alec how precious time is. And he knew that he wanted to spend all his time also if only 10 years or even 60 years, with Magnus at his side. Nothing was more precious than the time with him. When Magnus agreed to his suggestion to move in together, Alec was the happiest person ever. There was only something that could make him happier. To make Magnus his forever. Put a ring on his finger and call him his husband. There were many reasons for this, but he also knew that there were some contras. He started to write a pro and contra list in his head:

PRO:

- It was a promise for eternity, a promise to be at his side forever

CONS:

- Magnus had just suffered some losses, his status symbol as High Warlock of Brooklyn was taken away from him and his loft, his home, was taken from him. These losses sparked a kind of identity crisis in him

I remember what it was like before Magnus. The time of uncertainty, fear and my own identity crisis. It was like my whole life was a lie, I was living a lie. It was before Jace, I had always known it. I'm not saying that I am different but in the eyes of others I am. All of us who don't fit into the over century formed norm are considered different. Growing up in a society that fears everything and everyone just because they don't understand it or know it differently and respond with hate is sad. The hate and fear that was directed against other races or against the preference of sexuality frightened me. I was afraid of this hate and took the safe side. The don't ask don't tell side of the shadowhunter culture. I preferred to be angry and unhappy than to deal with these feelings. On some days I feel ashamed not to have been brave enough before Magnus came into my life. To simply ignore the prejudices and discriminations and to stand by myself. But for shadowhunter - family, honour and tradition are written in capital letters. At least that's what they believe. And I certainly didn't want to be the first Shadowhunter in my family to destroy this supposed honor. Family is everything to me. Grown up in the institute under the enormous pressure of the council and my parents. I always did everything for my parents and for the council. My fater drilled in to me that I was never good enough. I always thought it was me, because they felt who I really was and wanted to suppress it. So I did the same and ignored my feelings. I was impure with myself and carried this anger inside me for years. I couldn't define exactly where it came from but I was always angry at everything and everyone. Not knowing who you are and not knowing where you belong is terrible. By the angel I'm so happy that I met Magnus.

"Maybe you should start living for yourself. Do what's in your heart" he had told me back then. I thought I would never be allwed, or to even find somoen to marry out of love and the only thing I could hope for would be a solid partnership with a woman. But here I am, in a happy relationship with the man I love above everything else. I will do everything in my power to lead him back to his identity as he helped me. So pack up your hatred and discrimination. I alone decide how my life goes on.

"Marriage is a wonderful institution, not that I would know." I hear Magnus' voice in my head.. We'll find out, my darling, we'll find out.

Alec circled the two reasons and tried to look at them from every angle. He was a man of tradition and honour and he always knew he wanted to get married one day. He just never would have thought that this wish could actually become reality with someone he loved with all his heart. But here he was and his boyfriend was Magnus Bane. He knew he would never love anyone as much as he loved Magnus. He also knew that a marriage is about being together for the rest of your life and that this same - a life long - was a different view for Magnus before. Magnus was no longer immortal and to ask for his hand now would painfully remind him of this loss. Alec wondered if it wouldn't be possible to ask Asmodeus to give Magnus back his real magic and thus his birthright, his immortality. What would be the price? For sure one that Alec can't pay at all. He sighed and began to walk faster. There was also the housing situation, he was at least able to fix. Cat had told him that Magnus had asked her for a real estate agent. But Magnus was in the infirmary and couldn't make it to that appointment today and Alec wouldn't leave his side for a house visit. The apartment could wait, but he was looking forward to starting this new phase of his life with Magnus. So it was 1 to 1 when he stood in front of the door of the loft and was about to knock, when it swung open and Mozart's symphony came towards him.

Lorenzo had already expected him, charming isn't? It's one of Mozart's lesser-known works, but certainly one of my favorites. You should have seen the look on Wolfgang's face when I told him what I really thought about his Mass in C minor," he bluffed to Alec. But Alec didn't have time for this small talk, they both knew that they would never be friends in this and possibly in any other life. "We need to talk" Alec said and tried to make his voice sound as calm and controlled as possible. "Hang on. This is the best part." He just wanted to provoke Alec, no they wouldn't even be friends in another dimension. Alec switched off the music to show him the urgency of his visit. "What can I do for you, Mr. Lightwood? he asks and takes a sip from his martini. "Magnus has fallen ill as a result of the magic you gave him" Alec told him. "I did warn your boyfriend of the risks involved. He assured me he could handle it" Lorenzo replied visibly unmoved. When he poured himself a second drink. "Well he can't. And I would appreciate if you would take the magic back." Alec said in a thoughtful tone. "Yes, I'm sure you would appreciate that. But he brought this upon himself. Not my fault the pompous old warlock falls by his own hubris." Lorenzo was amused by Magnus' pain and Alec knew that he had no intention of helping them. But why? "Why? Why do you hate him so much? he asked without understanding. "It's simple. All my life, I've had to sit by and watch while the world lavished praise on Magnus Bane. The prodigy. The High Warlock who could do no wrong." Lorenzo said bitterly. So that's it Alec thought, he was insecure and jealous. "Green isn't becoming on you, Lorenzo," he simply stated. "You have no idea how hard I've had to work for everything that I have" he hissed and put his glass down. Before he continued. "That man was born with a silver spoon in his mouth. His celebrity is not based on talent. It's nepotism. Alec felt the rage crawling up in him and with each of Lorenzo's words it was harder to suppress them. "Lorenzo, you're right about one thing. Magnus is beloved. And when word gets out that you wouldn't help him, purely out of jealousy, how would you think the other warlocks are gonna feel?" Alec said as he walked up to Lorenzo to underline the threat in his voice. But Lorenzo remained unimpressed and said: "I guess we'll find out, won't we?" The fuse in Alec's head blew, how could this cockroach even dare. He would have loved to go for Lorenzo. "You bastard. I swear, I will..." But Lorenzo interrupted him annoyed. "You'll what? he asked unimpressed and shot Alec with a clenched load of his magic towards the exit. "I believe we're done here. You can show yourself out." Alec knew that his last visit by Lorenzo was also part of Lorenzo's rage against Magnus. Anger, anger didn't get him any further, he had to convince Lorenzo at all costs. Magnus' life was at stake and he would beg on his knees if he had to.

"You've never been in love, have you?" Alec asked desperately. Lorenzo must have loved someone at least once in all those years. Alec had to remind him. "I'm over 300 years old. Of course I have. More times than I care to admit" Lorenzo said cool. Alec saw his chance and slowly walked towards Lorenzo again. "Well, for me, it's only one. Magnus," he said and looked at Lorenzo as he went on. "He is my world. And if he dies..." Alec sobbed, who now found it hard to keep his feelings under control. He didn't care if Lorenzo saw him that way, saw him the Head of the New York Institute so vulnerable. He didn't care if he ridiculed himself and he didn't care that he just revealed his greatest weakness. Alec raised his hand to a defensive position when he said, "Look, Lorenzo, he's no threat to you. Okay? He doesn't have his powers." His eyes filled with water and a tear ran down his face as he begged Lorenzo. "Just please... Please help him"

Alec left the loft with Lorenzo's word to help Magnus. A cool breeze blew in his face and dried his last tears. The heated conversation had given him two more points on his imaginary list. To show oneself so vulnerable to someone and to reveal oneself. Showing oneself as one in front of two different worlds, a unity that nothing and nobody could destroy.

PRO:

- Start a family, after all, there are many other options these days

CONS:

- The Clave doesn't like to see Shadowhunters and Downworlders getting married. It's not forbidden, but since The Clave is mainly interested in making more shadowhunters, it's a bit frowned upon to marry a warlock or a vampire, because they can't have children.

Even though deep inside I always knew that I was gay, I had always imagined a family with children. I could have imagined them with Lydia too, even though the thought of having sex with her made me freak out a little. Lydia is great but still a woman. Maybe the Clave would agree to an adoption for a Shadowhunter or a Downworlder baby? The Mundane couples have to be married as far as I know if they want to adopt... Would an adopted child even like me? With Madzie it's always wonderful and children love Magnus anyway. But maybe Madzie was a exception. Well they'll like at least one of us. So the biggest problem would be the Clave. For whom I'm already a thorn in their eyes, the gay head of the New York Institute, who is in a relationship with a Downworlder. So what, fuck that point. I really hope that Magnus also wants children. I think he's born to be a dad. He has so much patience and love to give. He has travelled so many countries and lived through so many decades, he would certainly have great good night stories. Him and I as parents, who could teach our children love and tolerance. To pass on our views and values and to show the world that there is another way. That diffrent doesn't mean weird or wrong, but that the world view is outdated and wrong. And it's on us to start change that.

The Clave always had such weird rules. In the past, Alec wouldn't have noticed the inconsistencies. He obeyed orders blindly without questioning them. But now, why did they make rules they disapproved anyway? And have they ever thought that two same-sex shadowhunters and downworlder would want to get married? Because Alec didn't know if that was possible at all. But he knew something else, no matter how, he and Magnus would one day start a family together. Alec had never asked Magnus if he wanted to have children, but somehow it was a logical step, wasn't it? Or was Alec once again too far with his thoughts and wishes? He was walking past a playground and saw all the Mundane mothers playing with their toddlers. A dream he had dreamed so many times, before meeting Magnus. Changing his children's nappies, teaching them to walk and fight and attending their first shadowhunter rune ceremony. All those things, those kitschy things he had wished for were not graspable before Magnus, but now. Now he suddenly had the chance to make all his dreams become real, with the man of his dreams. And before any of this could come true, Magnus had to wake up. He increased his pace again because he wanted to be the first thing for Magnus to see when he opened his eyes.

Alec was sitting on the uncomfortable chair in the institute again, his butt was slowly strating to hurt but he didn't care. He saw Magnus' eyelashes start to twitch. "Magnus, can you hear me" Alec asks. Magnus blinks and slowly opens his eyes. "There you are. Hey," Alec said pleased. Magnus is still a little confused and Alec gently turns his head with his two fingers in his direction. Magnus chuckles when he sees Alec. "There you are" Magnus repeats and pats gently and awkwardly Alec's cheeks. "Yeah" Alec replies smiling. "What happened?" Magnus asked, still slightly dazed. Alec tried to explain it to him as simple and gently as possible. "Oh, well you got very sick. But everything's gonna be okay." Magnus tried to sit up and Alec got up quickly to help him. Just hold on. Here, let me get that for you." Alec said lovingly. Magnus tried to play the whole situation down again when he joked: "Oh I could get used to this type of treatment. Oh but definitely not to this wardrobe." Alec realized that Magnus wasn't aware of how serious the whole thing was. "Right. Let me get you a change of clothes" he said and wanted to get going. "No, no need" Magnus said and raised his hand to use his magic. "No!" Alec screamed full of panic and healed Magnus' hand so that he couldn't use his magic. "Alexander, what..." Magnus began irritated as his gaze wandered to the door and he noticed Lorenzo. "What's he doing here?" he asked even more astonished. Alec took a deep breath to explain everything to Magnus: "Using Lorenzo's magic is what got you sick. Catarina says that if you use the magic again, even a little bit, it could go horribly wrong. The only way for you to get better is for Lorenzo to take the magic away." He looked away at Magnus and hoped to see an understanding for all this in his eyes but Magnus only replied: "Oh. No, Caterina's just being overly cautious. Trust me, I feel fine." Alec should have known it. Of course, Magnus wasn't aware of how narrowly he escaped death. He had to tell him everything. "No. can we just get a minute, please?" he said and looked at Lorenzo, who had only observed the whole situation pitifully. "No! I'm not getting rid of my magic. Magnus screamed angrily. Why was he so stubborn? Alec had to make him understand how dangerous it was to leave the magic in his body. He didn't want his nightmare to suddenly become reality.

Magnus got up angrily and went for his clothes himself, he stood demonstratively with his back to Alec. But Alec just stood quietly next to him and waited until he had dressed before telling him exactly what had happened. He wasn't sure if Magnus was just pretending he didn't realize how dangerous this magic was for him. "Magnus, you stopped breathing." Alec began. "Your heart stopped. I thought you were gone." Magnus's anger vanished slowly. He hadn't know it had been so bad. "I'm so sorry for scaring you. I was clearly adjusting to Lorenzo's magic and I must have overextended myself." He turned to Alec with a smile to show him he was serious: "I promise, I'll be more careful from now on," he said before returning his attention to his shirt. "It doesn't matter how careful you are. As long as you have Lorenzo's magic, you'll be living with an axe over your head" Alec contradicted. What was wrong with Magnus? "Oh, could you stop being so morbid?" Magnus said when he turned back to Alec. The two men clearly talked past each other. "Look, I know how important magic is to you, but is it really worth dying for it?" Alec tried again. But Magnus didn't answer. "Magnus, answer me." Alec asked again with insistence and full of fear of the answer. Magnus said "Maybe" without turning around and Alec was stunned. "How can you even say that? Alec asked. Magnus now looked at him again and Alec saw the anger, the self-hatred and the fear in his eyes when he said: "I'm nothing without my magic. "You fell in love with Magnus Bane, the High Warlock of Brooklyn. Can you honestly say you don't feel differently about me?

Look at me! Can you honestly say you like this?" he asked in disbelief and disgust as he pointed to his body. Alec was slowly getting desperate, he had to convince Magnus that he loved him even without his magic. "Yes. Your powers were incredible, but that's not why I felt in love with you. I..I..fell in love with you because you're wise a..and you're generous and you're brave and you're incredible" Alec stammered. The feelings overcame him, why couldn't Magnus see it? Why didn't he see how unbelievable he was? Alec continued: "I just... When you walk into a room, there's a spark in you, magic or not, th..tha..that lights up everything and everyone around you. "A..aaa..and... Hey!" he grabbed Magnus by the arm who was about to turn away. Alec didn't know what to say anymore. He only knew one thing he couldn't live without Magnus! When Magnus looked at him again Alec said desperately the last thing he still knew: "I won't lose you. I can't." The room was tense and they just looked at each other. And finally Alec saw it in Magnus' eyes. He got through to Magnus.

When Lorenzo left the room after the withdrawal of the magic, of course not without clarifying that he would keep the loft. Alec noted down his last two pros and cons.

PRO:

- I love him

CONS:

- Magnus would rather die than live without his magic

The last two reasons he noted down were the ones that weighed most heavily on him. So he sorted the list in his head again and prioritized these last two reasons. He loved Magnus more than anything else there was no doubt. But Magnus wasn't sure if he could live on without his magic or if he wanted to. Alec hears the echo of his words in his head, again and again: "I am nothing without my magic."

Yet I don't understand it. I thought I understood it, how dependent Magnus is on his magic. That I understand his pain. But I'm not a warlock and no matter how hard I try I will never fully understand what Magnus is going through. I keep trying to compare it with the Parabatai bond of me and Jace. If Jace died in a fight, I would feel incomplete and like a stanger a nobody without this bond. A part of me would die and be lost forever. And yet I would never prefer my own death than a life with Magnus. At least I hoped that this thought was true.

This thought ignited the little hope he needed. The hope that Magnus didn't mean it as seriously as he had said it before. That deep down inside his love for Alec was stronger. So it was 3 to 3, equal. No matter how often he went through the list he came to a single decision.

PRO:

- I love him

- It was a promise for eternity, a promise to be at his side forever

Start a family, after all, there are many other options these days

CONS:

- Magnus would rather die than live without his magic

It didn't matter what was on the contra side of his list, as long as his love for Magnus was at the top of the pro side. He loved Magnus and that outdid all other reasons."I have everything I need, right here." Magnus had said it aptly. And this one reason was the most important one. And therefore he, Alexander Gideon Lightwood would ask Magnus Bane to marry him.

Alec looked through the window of the small library his mother had bought and took a deep breath. On the way there two pros and contras came to his mind. He didn't put them on the list because his decision had already been made but they were still haunting around in his head.

PRO:

- He'd have my last name, Magnus Lightwood-Bane

CONS:

- He could say no, and I would completely embarrass myself

I think everyone is a bit afraid of this scenario when planning a proposal. Even though I know that Magnus loves me, there is a risk that he will reject my proposal. It could be one of my reasons on the contra column or a completely different one and I think I wouldn't only be sad but it would also be really embarrassing for me. Embarrassing because I'm so impatient, but who doesn't dare doesn't win. And therefore I won't initiate everybody in what I intend to do and try to plan the whole thing in a small scale if not even alone. Hiding it from Jace will probably be the hardest, as he will feel my nervousness for sure, so if he asks me I'll just tell him. Maybe for once he even has a good tip for me. Or could tell me if Alec Bane sounds silly?

Alec opens the door and enters the book store. "Hi" he said and walks to greet his mother. Maryse turns to him and smiles as she greets him: "Alec. What a nice surprise! The two embrace and Alec looks around as he says, "I thought I'd actually stop by and see the place." "Im proud of you." Most of the shelves were already dusty and the books had been rearranged. "Thanks. It's really coming together, isn't it? Maryse said radiantly. Alec was a bit nervous and answered with a question. "There's actually something I wanted to talk to you about." he burst out. Maryse looked at him uncertainly and tried to interpret his face. "What is it?" she asked, worried. The two sat down when Alec began to tell her: "Uhm..Magnus had a little health scare." Maryse was shocked but Alec spoke quickly. "He's okay, everything's fine, but when it happened, it made me realize how much he means to me, and I.. I.. can't live without him." This sentence made his mother overjoyed. She was so happy that her son found someone who loved him heart and soul just as much as he loved him. What could make a mother happier? "That's what love is" she said with a smile. Alec chuckles. "I'm so happy you two found each other." she said. "Me too." Alec said sheepishly. The question burned on his tongue as he slowly began.

"And I need the family ring." he said and looked at her insistently. Maryse stared back not sure if her son really intended what she was thinking he was intended to say. "I'm gonna ask Magnus to marry me." Alec said after a break and Maryse chuchles overwhelmed. Yes she had thought right. She couldn't believe it and jumped up to pull her son into an intimate embrace. Her son is actually getting married!

#shadowhunters #the mortal instruments #malec #Alec Lightwood #Magnus Bane #Magnus x Alec #stay with me #I am nothing without my magic!#i need the family ring #shtv #shadowhunter spoilers #nephilimdaily

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bts-love-sweat-tears · 6 years ago

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Bloodsong, Pt 1

Title: Bloodsong, pt. 1

Pairing: Namjoon x Reader

Type: fluff, angst, (sort of) comedy, demon hunter!au, vampire!au, starcrossed lovers!au

Rating: PG

Warnings: none yet, future fights/vampirism

Word Count: 1,019

A/N: Why do all of my stories have brutal or unlikeable parents? I promise my relationship with my own parents is decently good. I know this is short, but it will be a “two-shot,” and I wanted to post something to thank you all for your patience. Also, I am so sorry that I never posted Part 6 of One Ring- writer’s block hit so hard. I’ve also been struggling HARD from my anxiety and depression. This is not to make excuses but to hopefully ask for your understanding and to thank you for sticking around.

Part 2

As the sun set over the horizon, and behind her rose the moon, you felt goosebumps prickle over your skin. You had trained everyday since childhood for this moment, but now that it was here, you felt entirely unprepared. You thought of your father and older brother, and how their lives had been so brutally ended. You were too young to remember them, but your mother’s heart had been destroyed by their loss, had she made sure to eliminate the entire coven. Afterward, as an excessive precaution, she trained you ten times as hard as would have been strictly necessary. After the loss of the two people most dear to her, your mother couldn’t stand to lose another loved one, and thus kept you at a distance. She trained you, she fed you and provided shelter, but there was no real love. She had paid the ultimate price that a demon hunter could: their own heart. She did not love you but you did not hold it against her. She was incapable of love.

Despite this fact, her need for vengeance could not be sated, so she had informed you, tone quite clinical, that on the eve of your twenty-fifth birthday, you must leave the house, and find another town in need of protection from the “parasites,” as she called them. You had never exactly questioned her doctrines, but even you knew that the 25th year was special for demon hunters. It was the year that the training period was considered complete, and when the bloodsongstarted. Vampires, in particular young ones, were called to the demon hunters blood, fate’s twisted humor in keeping each side in check. Vampires, ruthless in their thirst and annihilation of humans, were drawn to their own demise, hence why the hunter had to be prepared. You didn’t know the science behind it, and just maybe it was magic, but you tended to think of it as just another step in the metaphorical food pyramid. Not that hunters ate the vampires- you shuddered at the mere thought. No, you relied on the stakes in your thigh holster, the blessed cross around your neck, and a handy-dandy Magnum retrofitted with wooden bullets. You also had a minuscule flask of holy water on your cross, but you hoped to never use that-you though of it as your last resort and wouldn’t want to have a bloodsucker that close while you fumbled with the latch. The moon rose, and you were brought back to your current dilemma. Maybe that was why your mother was kicking you out- it would destroy her to face the vampires a second time in the twilight of her life. Definitely metaphorically, possibly literally. Demon hunters weren’t exactly known for their long lifespans.

One thing your mother hadn’t prepared you for though, was where to go, or how to live on your own. Stealth? Check. Sniping? Check. Four different schools of hand to hand combat? Check. Tracking? Check. Cooking? No such luck. You weren’t even sure where you wanted to go, or what you wanted to do. But you figured a new, slightly goth-looking resident (you were under no illusions about the frequency with which the average person wore a thigh holster filled with stakes), and a few missing bodies would likely go unnoticed in the big city. So that was where you went.

As the midnight hour approached, you got onto an intercity bus, saving the money that the train would have cost you. Your mother wasn’t entirely impractical and had given you some money for your journey and your new life, but you knew that you would need to stretch it until you found a job to provide cover in your new home. Your home, if it could be called that, had been quite remote, for obvious reasons, and you found it hard to settle in with the sounds of other people around you. The bloodsong was also making you jittery. In order to hunt the “creatures of the dark”, one had to also be awake at night, so the insomniac sides of its newfound force was actually important to the job. But not conducive on a crowded, long, bus ride.

After what felt like an eternity, and understanding a bit more why vampires as a whole might be as irritable during their extended lifetimes, you arrived in the city. The sights and sounds were jarring as the five hour ride meant that the city was just coming to life. You grabbed your sole duffle loaded with your….supplies, and headed into the terminal. You watched the people flow around you, wondering how many vampires might be around you at the moment. There was a certain shimmer in the peripheral vision, not that you knew for sure, only having heard from your mother. Unfortunately, they didn’t sparkle, and they weren’t limited by daybreak- how convenient that would have been, though they couldn’t use any special powers they might have. However, at least if what your mother told you was true, they did tend to frequent places that people might go unnoticed lingering, or where people might be vulnerable. Also, predictably, places with lots of blood (hospitals, blood drives, etc). Your eyes immediately wander to the clinic across the street, and you shudder. You notice a few strange people staring at you, just standing at the edge of the street by the bus depot and begin to move. You could take them, but don’t want to get into an altercation when you are this tired. It would not exactly be considered flying under the radar, the unofficial hunters’ creed, to get into an altercation within minutes of arriving. You begin to walk purposefully, though in reality you have no idea where you are going. As the blocks blur together and the sun continues to rise, your footfalls grow more uneven. Though being a hunter means seemingly endless training, you don’t have unlimited stamina. You know that you won’t be able to walk much further. As you begin to panic, you see it: a cozy-looking bookstore called Haven.

Part 2

#hyunglinenetwork #btsguild #namjoon x reader #namjoon x you #kim namjoon #bts fluff #bts angst #bts vampire au #bts demon hunter au #bts starcrossed lovers au

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goodvibesatpeace · 6 years ago

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Death, Rebirth and Love: The Ayahuasca Experience

“Every man takes the limits of his own field of vision for the limits of the world.” – Schopenhauer

The Ayahuasca experience was the most intense, spiritual, emotional, mind-blowing, frightening and loving experience I have ever had. Nothing could have prepared me for the inner journey I am about to describe. Because I believe I died. It was if my awareness that seems normally tied to this body shot loose and entered a world before unknown.

Ayahuasca, the ‘spirit vine’ or the ‘vine of death’, is a brew containing the Banisteriopsis caapi vine and Psychotria viridis or Diplopterys cabrerana leaves. The vine contains harmine and harmaline which are MAO-A inhibitors, and tetrahydroharmine which is a weak serotonin uptake inhibitor.

The leaves contain dimethyltryptamine (DMT), the strongest hallucinogenic known to man. Ingested, the combination of these plants lead to the uptake of DMT by your brain where it will alter your perceptions of reality. Many claim these are visions where the Ayahuasca spirit will talk to you, giving you knowledge about the, normally, hidden (collective?) unconscious psyche. Or so I was told.

With drugs like these it’s hard to extrapolate the meaning of your experience and use it for the benefit of your daily life, and so I was skeptical about what the insights could bring to me. Taking drugs can be a fun thing in itself, but I believe there’s a strong possibility that such an approach will lead to the devaluation of that same experience and the essential meaning will be lost.

If drugs change the frequency by which we perceive reality, we still need to have the right radio to understand the broadcast, and in this way ‘set and setting’ is, as ever, extremely important. The taking of Ayahuasca will inevitably lead, for most people, to vomiting and diarrhea, which is called ‘la purga’, meaning the cleansing of one’s body and mind. This is why the shamans don’t use the label of drugs.

For them, it’s been a medicine for thousands of years. Despite the latter fact of ‘la purga,’ my curiosity was raised to a point where I would say yes to undergo the journey if it ever crossed my path. Who would say no to some ancient, magic, spiritual, drug induced, puke and shit-fest that is also a medicine?

It all started with my interest in the link between psychedelics and spirituality, partly fueled by the book ‘DMT: The Spirit Molecule’ by Rick Strassman. For me, spirituality is the experiencing of the spirit, the essence of which I call ‘I’. Different experiments in physics lead to a broader understanding of the objective outer world we inhabit and in exactly the same way different experiments in our own psyche lead to a broader understanding of the subjective world we also inhabit.

This has been my main drive to experiment with consciousness on a very personal level. It has led me to meditation, yoga, qi gong, floating, fasting, drugs, polyphasic sleep, lucid dreaming, astral projection and the most important of all, my daily live. Because in the end this is the reality you have to face, and finding your life in alternative states of consciousness can be just another easy escape to keep you from facing your true self.

I found out that two Peruvian shamans were visiting my country to give workshops on Ayahuasca healing. I asked two of my best friends to join me on this journey because I thought they would find it interesting and inspiring… and I was perhaps a bit afraid to go on my own.The workshop was a three-day gathering where we had an Ayahuasca session on Friday and Saturday. Sunday would be a day of reflection and relaxing.

When we arrived we met the shamans. Their faces, powerful, radiant, wise but most of all loving and kind. In our culture the role of the shaman has been long forgotten and it reminded me that we need them dearly. Elder shamans know the inner workings of the mind and the influence society has upon it. This knowledge of ‘what has been’ seems increasingly important in a world that is changing ever so rapidly. This is why I believe that it is important to reflect once in a while on your role in the greater perspective of things.

Before we did the Ayahuasca we had to follow a strict diet and to avoid the following:

– sugar and sweeteners;

– chocolate;

– soft drinks and energy drinks;

– coffee;

– dairy products;

– salt, pepper, sharp spices and chilis;

– red meat (avoid pork 2 weeks before and after);

– fats;

– olive or coconut oil;

– alcohol and drugs (no alcohol-free beer either), 1 week before and after;

– ginger;

– ice cream, ice cubes or ice-cold drinks;

– bruised or overripe fruit, dried fruit and/or raisins;

– no sex, including masturbation;

– no perfumed or synthetic soap, body lotion or other toiletries, insect repellent lotions like DEET and others;

– preferably no medication, especially antibiotics and antidepressants, even St. John’s wort;

The intention of this diet was to make sure we got pleasure from within, not from without.

The Ceremony

Everybody in our group, eight total, except for the two shamans and the organizer, were Ayahuasca virgins. So on friday, the first ceremonial night, we all took a small dose of amazonian magic. It’s hard for me to remember much of the first night because the second one swept away most memories. But this is what I do remember. A little bit of nausea in the beginning followed by intense, bright visualizations.

Geometrical patterns that were swirling, changing, inter-twining and flowing. They were beautiful. After a while the philosophical/spiritual part started where it seems I got a hint of the essence of awareness.The best description would be that while I looked around everything looked back. I thought I understood it then but I quickly lost it, as it happens with most ‘insights’ on psychedelics. I had some personal ‘openings’. Situations where I agreed with myself to take more responsibility and stop being lazy.

Situations where I should show more empathy and less judgement. My sense of time was completely gone and it felt I just had a glimpse of a dream world that is inter-connected to our normal world. The biggest insight that night was at the end when several people were going for a second dose and a single brave hearted went for a third double dose. I immediately felt the urge to join them. To experience more and more.

There was some healthy fear and I took the time to think about what to do. I asked one of my friends of what he thought we should do and it seemed clear to me that what he thought wouldn’t matter and I would definitely do it anyway.

Why do I always need more?

Why is now not enough?

What is missing in this moment?

I couldn’t answer these deep personal questions and with the struggle for answers I felt the huge relief of ‘not-wanting’.

Death: Ayahuasca will turn every skeptic into a believer

The next day I was in a very good mood. I was really looking forward to what the plant spirit would reveal to me next. We started the second ceremony at nightfall. Just as the first night I went first. I stood up and walked to the shamans to get my, now double, dose of Ayahuasca.

It was thick green-black-ish and tasted a little sweet and sour. It reminded us most of the taste of liquorice, just not nearly as good. I went back to my mattress and tried to meditate and observe the other participants when they went to get their medicine.

Waiting, exciting, fearing, fantasizing…

After about 25 minutes it hit in. Much earlier than the day before or than any of the other participants. The visualizations were overwhelming. My stomach was screaming and my body erupted in cold sweat. I felt feverish and my thought was ‘oh what have I done now…’ Then the vomiting began. I was puking out my greasy, slimy ego. I was throwing up and screaming with such force that the best description would be a nuclear blast that ripped apart the fabric of everything that I ever thought was real.

Intense visualisation bombarding me from every direction with such speed; I couldn’t make sense of anything. Emotions erupting like a volcano. I could only grasp for air, thoughts were non-existent. My awareness wasn’t anymore connected to my body, the room nor to this dimension. Was it even mine to begin with? I was consumed by fear and loneliness. I can only describe this experience as pure hell, and even that seems a big understatement. My first thought after what seemed an eternity was how to get out of there.

Or to get there out of me. (Ayahuasca does that with you). Once I realized the complete horror I was in I couldn’t imagine an experience this cruel. I was telling myself I could handle it, which implies I wasn’t convinced. “I am strong enough to stay calm and to just observe without identifying with the pure evil I am experiencing”. Oh boy, what was I, the ego, wrong. It felt as if something was playing, no, toying with me. A puppet for their sick pleasure. It took me a while to find out I was not as strong as I believe myself to be. I was scared, lonely and lost.

Rebirth: It’s a shock

Slowly I started making sense of what I was experiencing. I took a drug, and as with any experience, this too shall pass. But I couldn’t shed the doubt: but what if it the experience didn’t pass? I still had no clue where my awareness was or how to get out but I was relieved by some moments of clarity where I had thoughts that contained some meaning. Total acceptance is to give up the infinite urge to control. So I did. And then, for the first time, I opened my eyes and saw the ceremony room, which gave me hope that I could fight my way out of it. I? No, we!

I desperately needed help to find my way back to common ground. The whole time I had my back turned from the whole group and was hanging over the puke bucket, which I immediately threw a couple of feet away from me when I realised that. I turned around only to find out the shaman had been singing a personal song for me since the purging started.

This little silent guy in daylight seemed so powerful and huge in the dark. I finally gave in and asked him for help. The biggest lesson I learned that night is that I can’t do everything by myself and one is only just as powerful as the support of the people behind him. I feel like I had to experience this to understand that it doesn’t matter how strong you believe yourself to be, opening your heart and asking for help is in many situations is the best thing you can do. The only thing that holds you back is your own ego, and fear and shame.

I once saw an interview with psychiatrist and psychonaut Stan Grof where he said he experienced being many animals and once even a plant! Utter bullcrap if you asked me pre-ayah. But when I let go of the me that was trying to control inner instincts took over. I felt like a hunted animal, a zebra if I must guess, that used all his energy to fight for his last breath. This feeling was very vivid and distinct and it was amazing. I’ve never felt anything like it.

Love: The greatest sin is not feeling love for your existence. To actually feel it and not to dabble in nonsense of what it means.

I stood up and walked, or more like crawled, to the organizer. She hugged me with a blanket and the warmth instantly made me relax and calm. I suddenly realised I was so cold. She said some soothing words and I felt a glimpse of love breaking through the madness. A small opening up, the relaxing of a grip. I was transported back to my youth and felt the love of my mother.

Then to the love of the organizer and the people around me. Then to just love, where human beings are an instrument to express it if they can open themselves up for it, trust it, have faith in it, love themselves for it. Love is the glue that makes us stick together.

There was a deep-rooted empathy for the natural world. I saw the interconnectedness of the world, I saw the air we breathe in and the food we eat becoming us. A child knows these facts, but when the magic is banned from our perception when we grow up and become ‘individual persons’, we tend to forget. We tend to forget that the trees are our extended lungs and the rivers our extended veins. This is not the right time to delve into the depths of consciousness, but as never before I felt connected to the earth that is our birthplace.

That there was something of me in all, and something of all in me. I felt the love for which nature sacrifices itself, offering their own lives for our benefit. And I felt the sadness and the disappointment by the ongoing abuse of natural resources. Where we don’t see the spirit in the forests and the mountains but see them as wood and ore, waiting to be mined and plundered for profit.

As of now, the earth is not yet swallowed up by hatred and greed. Humankind must transform to fit itself, once again, in the bed of Procrustes. I hope, this time, we have a generation that has no need for a war or a great depression to change. That this once, the force is not oppression from the outside but a liberation from the inside.

A generation that changes because we want to, because we finally listen to our own heart and the hearts of others. Where we finally understand it is our moral responsibility to care about our inner but also our outer environment. And I hope us HEthens will lead the way.

Since all this I’ve been living lighter and happier, the world has become dream-like with endless possibilities. The philosophical implications of experiencing an awareness not fixated on these forms are mind breaking and I am slowly opening up to what the sages, shamans and mystics of all ages have been saying since the dawn of language.

Will I do it again? I don’t know.

Much love to all... go in peace my friends

#spirit #spiritual #dmt #psychadelics #peru #ayahuasca #drug #my experience #death #rebirth #love #vine of death #spirit vine #hallucinogenic #consciousness #ayahuasca healing

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acmconsulting · 4 years ago

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Code Metrics?

Index

The 1st Question

The 2nd Question

The Background

The Metrics

The Tools

The Prices

The Conclusion

The 1st Question

"Q: How can we measure software development teams performance?" "A: Metrics!"

But, of course, then :

"Q: Which metrics?" "A: ...?!"

Not so easy.

Metric Good/Bad/Ugly? Lines Of Code Bad. We all know this. Too many lines = bloat, too few = complexity. Commits Ugly. Could be gamed, very simply. Unclear value. Velocity Ugly. Could be gamed. Is relative. Utilization Ugly. 100% isn't a good thing. Features Ugly. Lots of features being released isn't always what you want.

Etc etc. There are lots of bad ways to track software development performance.

Lucky for us, the hard-work (and hard research) has already been done by other people.

The 2nd Question

So we can, but...

"Q: Why are we measuring performance?" "A: ...?"

So teams can improve and so we have the tools to communicate the impact of changes and decisions on those teams.

Did the re-org last month help us?

How are we doing this month vs last?

Is code debt catching up to us?

Etc. Without metrics, it becomes a more subjective discussion. We love numbers.

Also the right metrics can give engineers as way to communicate harder to value root causes, technical debt, training, innovation, investments can be measured and valued - if we have the tools to do so.

The Background

A book called Accelerate, published in 2018, focuses on this question and answers it.

Accelerate: The Science of Lean Software and Devops: Building and Scaling High Performing Technology Organizations

It says good measures have 2 characteristics:

They focus on global - so teams are not misaligned, they instead push towards the same goal.

They focus on outcomes, not output - busy work isn't helpful.

The book has a LOT more than this, well worth reading if you haven't already.

The Metrics

Metric Description Cycle Time Time it takes a task from the start of development to it being live in production. Change Failure Rate (CFR) The percentage of deployments we have to rollback or apply a hotfix to. Mean Time To Recovery (MTTR) Hours elapsed from the start of a service failure to system recovery. Deployment Frequency How often we deploy to production.

The Accelerate book goes into a lot of detail about why these are good, how they correlate to high performing teams and benchmarks for team categorization. Thats outside the scope here - step 1 is track them.

Tracking and optimizing for these metrics can have a profound impact on product delivery. As well as being an excellent way to have those harder conversations with stake holders around things like technical debt, re-platforming or other larger non feature lead work.

The Tools

OK great. How do we track this? It will depend. Each metric may need its own solution.

Option Opinion Spreadsheet Can work, but it could be a lot of work. Ticketing system To the extent they support it, its good, but likely you won't get exactly what you need. Dedicated Solution Will give you the exact data, but you pay for it - is it worth it?

Spreadsheets

As a last resort only, instead look to automate things. Can be an OK place to start, or if tracking it any other way is even more time consuming. But generally, you want to avoid this.

Ticketing system

Can get quite close with the data it has. JIRA, for example, offers a range of reports (as would other tools). The closest in JIRA is the "Control Chart".

You get Cycle time, which is a lot of value and interesting (if a bit confusing) graphs. The other metrics require additional data (e.g. deployments, failures, etc) which this graph doesn't show and the tool itself may not have access to.

For some teams, the Control Chart + spreadsheet could be enough.

Dedicated Solutions

Accelerate metrics are popular, so people have built things to automate/improve/display the metrics.

There are quite a few companies which do this, most tie into your ticketing and source control systems, to extract the needed data. A quick survey of the market place gave me the following services:

Name URL Description LinearB https://linearb.io/ We correlate and reconstruct Git, project and release data so you get real-time project insights and team metrics with zero manual updates or developer interruptions. Haystack https://www.usehaystack.io/ Remove bottlenecks, optimize process, and work better together with insights from your Github data. Plural Sight - Flow https://www.pluralsight.com/product/flow Accelerate velocity and release products faster with visibility into your engineering workflow. Flow aggregates historical git data into easy-to-understand insights and reports to help make your engineer teams more successful. WayDev https://waydev.co/ Waydev analyzes your codebase, PRs and tickets to help you bring out the best in your engineers' work. CodeClimate https://codeclimate.com/ Velocity turns data from commits and pull requests into the insights you need to make lasting improvements to your team’s productivity.

Plenty of options, they provide very similar services (with their own take/pros/cons).

They all provide some or all of the accelerate metrics, but their ability to fit your team is something you will need to test for yourself.

Luckily, integration with these services seems to be VERY fast, you hook up your version control and optionally ticketing system and they provide instant value/data.

The Prices

Pricing isn't simple, each SaSS solution has different breaks and ways of pricing/scaling/segmenting - but all seem to price per dev.

For my needs, I'm thinking about total yearly cost, so I did some quick maths.

The following is based on a tier which includes being linked to a ticketing system to maximize the features/metrics available.

Google sheet of costs

I went with a Fibonacci increment, to cover most cases, you can copy the sheet if needed.

As you can see, there is quite a difference in price, with the cheapest options depending on team size.

The Conclusion

Performance of software teams can and should be measured

Accelerate Metrics https://amzn.to/3e9EPcK) are the industry standard

Tools can help, but won't cover ever case

Small teams can get services for free, with low adoption time

Larger teams should probably see if they get value, consider carefully TOC and start with a trial/cheapest option, before going all in on a large additional spend. It can add up FAST.

What did I do?

Currently testing LinearB with several teams, which so far have seen good value from the data.

#codemetrics #acceleratemetrics #softwaredev #teams #performance

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