#there's no punchline I'm just venting

[cinemaocd]

I just want to watch Jane Fonda movies and smoke weed but noooooooooooooo I have to go to work and have responsibilities...

[klance-daydreams]

guys we need to actually stop involving pidge in romantic klance situations

[coockie8]

Actually it should be legal to rush the stage and start beating a guys ass when he starts being blatantly bigoted or predatory disguised as "jokes".

Standing on stage in front of a microphone is not a go-ahead to say whatever the hell you want without consequences because you're "joking", and so many comedians need to be reminded of that.

[cgspirl]

i think if i covered myself in fake blood and beat the shit out of the president of my college i think i'd get somewhere in life. i think i'd be happier

but i wouldn't be. it's the pertaining thoughts of the id that make me want to do those things. in truth, i'm gonna go to bed in a little bit wake up, go to class, and work on whatever assignments i need to work on before i go and have a lovely weekend with my romantic partner.

i think some part of me is so desperate for mindless, unstoppable, unrestrained violence because i'm deeply unhappy with where i am as a person in the current moment in time. i want to see something better in the mirror but instead i'm greeted with the same face i always am. but to those around me, they like that face! they like the face they see and they take joy in interacting with it and i don't understand why.

this face is miserable. i'm miserable. why would you want to be with something so miserable? and maybe it's because the misery is self-sustaining and i want to be miserable because it's what i know. i'm familiar in the anguish, not comfortable. doing my best when i can, trying my best when i can. giving up when it doesn't come easy because as the smartest in the room i have to know everything.

i really do think i'm tired. i think something inside me is so very, very tired and i have yet to let it rest because i am convinced it doesn't deserved to be loved so gently. that i don't deserve to be loved so gently when there's a hundred different people who would tell me otherwise. i don't want to love myself gently because i hate myself.

i want to be left in the dust of history so that i know i'll disappear when i'm dead. i don't want to be remembered for anything. i want to be forgotten because it's what i deserve. in my head i'm a god. i'm loved. i'm adored. the people love me. everyone loves me. in reality? i'm just another stranger passing in the night.

i think if i covered myself in blood and screamed at the top of my lungs in the middle of the library quad field at my school i think someone would finally understand. i don't want to go anywhere anymore. i don't want to be miserable anymore. i just want someone to understand that while i am reliable, i am burnt out.

i want to be able to say 'no' and not have to feel the urge to justify and reassure. 'no, i can't.' no 'sorry'. no apology. i think that's what i'm the most tired of: apologizing for being alive and trying to handle everything that gets thrown at me.

i'm so tired of justifying myself.

i want to cover myself in blood and scream at the top of my lungs and i don't want someone to ask if i'm okay. i want someone else to cover themselves to and join in. i want a choir of anguish at being alive because sometimes living is agony and there isn't a constructive way to get that agony out. sometimes it's covering yourself in blood and screaming until you can't scream anymore.

[shipaholic]

I am working myself up into unsociable levels of rage over that dumb spoiler, and I wish to stop

(vent under the read-more! If you’re thinking “what spoiler?” and want to keep it that way, keep scrolling!)

this is about the Good Omens series 2 spoiler that Amazon put up as part of a trailer reel and then took down again, just in case you still want to turn around!

-

-

-

OK. I know that those screenshots were leaked due to a mistake on Amazon’s part, and I am not mad at anyone who excitedly shared them without realising. That’s totally understandable. If I’d seen the pictures from a post like that, I would be disappointed at the situation (I really didn’t want to be spoiled for that moment, no matter what the context turns out to be), but not angry.

Unfortunately, I got spoiled on the blog of someone who doesn’t even like Good Omens and posted the whole image (with no spoiler tags) with some snarky comment about ‘at least n*** g***** loses’. Like. Shut the fuck up?? How genuinely immature and inconsiderate? I don’t subscribe to conspiracy theories about NG being homophobic for [reasons?], but I can disagree quietly with people who think that and move on. But if holding that opinion leads you to conclude that others who enjoy the GO show, or Neil’s other works, or just choose not to be a spiteful pain in the ass about him in general, are all inferiors with bad taste and therefore not deserving of basic consideration, you MIGHT just be a snide asshole. Tagging spoilers is baseline, bar on the floor good manners. Not wanting to get jumpscared with 6 weeks left to go by a major plot point for something you’ve waited over a year for, is a normal human reaction. “Spoilerphobia” (that’s not a real thing babes) is not (can’t believe I’m having to say this) a recent by-product of the fucking MCU (this is a real argument someone made with their whole chest. Jesus).

I’m sorry, I will get over this, but it’s ruined my day and I’m sad. hopefully back to normal tomorrow.

[drawingducktalesducks]

Beakley: I suppose you are wondering why I called you here tonight.

Lena: If it was to poison me then you should've picked something other than sad English tea to put it in

Beakley: ... I wish to understand your intentions towards my granddaughter.

Lena: Well I can 100% promise never to serve her THIS stuff

Beakley: Webby enjoys my tea. It is a family favorite.

Lena: Figures

Beakley: Why are you inviting her out after dark?

Lena: See, I was gonna ask her to the movies, buy popcorn, catch the newest horror flick- but now I'm thinking, maaaybe she's got enough of that in her home life. You guys live with a trillionaire. How many times have you used this tea bag?

Beakley: You are failing to impress me.

Lena: Nice. Didn't even know I was trying

Beakley: Drink your tea and have a biscuit. I will allow movie night IF it is an educational film AND both I and the boys are present.

Lena: Ever thought about using honey? Mint?? Sugar of any kind????

Beakley: No.

Lena: Guess all the sweetness in this house just comes from Webby, huh.

Beakley: She could crush you like a teacup.

Lena: I know. Blegh. Wish she'd go ahead and crush my teacup...

Webby: HIIIIIIII-YAAH!!!!

Lena: .... wow. Now I wish I had a million dollars.

Beakley: Webby.

Webby: Oh Granny hi! I wasn't spying from the vents! I just fell completely normally from the ceiling and accidently landed on Lena's cup!!

Beakley: You accidentally landed on it... with your... fist.

Lena: Got that punchline all teed up, huh Pink.

Webby: HA HA HA, WHAT FUNNY WORD PLAY, I'M INVOKING MY RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT!

Lena: My hero.

Beakley: I would be foreseeing disaster in the tea leaves of this friendship, if I could be bothered to read them. And if they were not. Well. Everywhere.

[atla-confessions]

I've come to vent about my relationship with Rozin of all things. I must warn that this is NOT anti Rozin confession! There's literally nothing wrong with this ship, but...

For a long time I thought it was the only genuinely good and interesting ship out of all ATLA and LOK ships. Despite having little to no screen time, I was nevertheless hooked by Roku's and Sozin's dynamic. And how could I not? Childhood friends turned into bitter enemies with all the angst and heartbreak it entails? *chief kiss* Rozin just had that kick that other ships didn't have to me. I mean it in the nicest way possible, but everything just felt bland and boring in comparison. Most likely because I'm a drama queen who loves screwed up stuff. In my head and private notes, I would make Rozin WORSE, I would add things that didn't happen in canon, that would NEVER happen in canon, that would plunge those two into a new dark abyss I made just for them. In my head and private notes, I would make Rozin BETTER, I would give Roku and Sozin a chance to reconcile, to learn from one another, to finally have a relationship they couldn't have in canon. I would come up with crazy AUs, one of them even became a baseline for my main crossover story.

I mean it genuinely that this ship was IT for me. And it was like that for 5 years...

Until it just... Wasn't anymore.

The overall ATLA fandom, unfortunately, doesn't share my sentiment. The arts and fics and hell even meta posts that would examine Roku and Sozin's relationship was extremely rare. All those things I did with Rozin privately ? That was basically all that I had. I kid you not, Rozin felt more like a fandom joke, than an actual ship. The ship tag was clogged with the same repetitive "haha, Roku and Sozin were exes" "haha, Roku and Sozin were gay" shit. A joke that was repeated over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over. With no changes, no new punchline. It was funny the first couple of times, then it lost the punch, then it became annoying and then... those jokes became enraging. I was becoming SICK of them.

I would much rather have there be no new Rozin posts, than the ship tag being cluttered with. the. same. shitty. unfunny. repetitive. joke. At least the lack of content would motivate me to actually share the AUs and hcs I made in private. It would be a challenge, a drive. But, the fandom is dead set on seeing them as "just angsty exes, lol".

Oh, but that's not why I decided to write here. You know what I'm about to say. The upcoming Roku centric book, that, of course has scenes that are almost hand-crafted to pander to Rozin shippers.

I know I should be excited. I should be happy. My ship is finally getting attention! Getting official interaction since, what? Over a decade of NOTHING?

But, I felt nothing.

At first.

Then, when I realized that I felt nothing I felt... rage? Sadness? Despair?

I used to LOVE Rozin. What happened? I should be excited. Why am I not?

It has been 5 years of that. Of Rozin being worse than nothing. Not even a ship, but an inside joke among ATLA fans. I would've been fine if the book interactions contradicted my hcs, I would just make new ones or change the old ones a little. But, I got tired. At this point, I feel nothing for the ship. Maybe annoyance. I definitely think I don't like it now. And it's sad. It's almost tragic.

I love Roku and Sozin as characters. And I used to love shipping them, as another way to explore and study them as characters. But now, I think, I will just block Rozin tag and dismiss any ship context if I do happen to start posting my ATLA fan art again and people would ask of I shipped them or not. I don't. Not anymore. If you really want a ship content with them, well, I suppose I have my OC x Roku ship, but, I'm certain no one would be interested in that, so I'll just keep it to myself.

Sorry for the long rant. Sorry that it sounds so dramatic or pathetic. But, I feel better after writing everything here. Maybe I can finally leave this all behind.

X

[bloodgulchblog]

Zita, your opinions are 10/10, would read, have read again, I'm always excited for anything you post. Like seriously thank you for all the content, I'm so grateful for it. Just so you know, if you have a thousand fans, then I'm one of them. If you have one fan, then I'm THAT ONE. If you have no fans, that means I am dead.

THIS IS SUCH A NICE THING TO SAY, THANK YOU!!

I feel this tension in what I do on the blog sometimes, between venting strong emotions about fictional things and kind of putting on a comedy performance where I treat those strong feelings about Halo as the punchline because I don't always trust them.

I like to talk about things and I like to try to make jokes and there's a pull to say things that are funny and mean (because it's fun and I get genuinely agitated) and an opposing pull to tone myself down and take the edges off because other people have feelings too and Halo's not that serious a subject.

But like. Man. I care a lot about Halo. I care a lot lot lot. And that has good points and bad points for me to do it, and I'm glad the good seems to outweigh for a lot of people and that me goofing around and yelling about halo lore and writing insane fanfiction on here is a net positive for a bunch of you guys.

It makes this so much fun when it could have been so lonely.

[bigbitchdyke]

Soapboxing for a moment but that last post brought up some really fucked memories of people I've befriended/dated who were absolute nightmares and who tended to have idiotic opinions on addition to massive emotional toxicity. This is me venting so if you don't wanna read this, skip!!

Some fun examples:

- "goth anarchist" who I had to ask THREE DIFFERENT TIMES to stop making Hitler jokes at me (I'm a Jew, she's German by heritage) who also had the most fetishistic view of black men of anyone I've ever met

- "soft tboy" who verbally/emotionally abused me & gaslit me on the daily for years of my life (currently works with kids in the educational system 🙃)

- polycule "throuple-couple" who asked me to fly out halfway across the country to visit them for a week; who then broke up with me THE DAY I ARRIVED & stranded me in a dirty motel

- the most "Human Resources Manager" gay man you can possibly imagine who fought and died on the hill of "yes it's totally normal and reasonable to dock >20% of an employee's paycheck to pay off unreasonably high student debt"

- "aromantic lesbian anarchist" who was still obsessed with her shitty straight cis *ACTUAL REAL LIFE PEDO* ex-bf, who would routinely blow off plans with me to spend time with him instead with zero warning

- "open-minded d&d bisexual couple" who used "crackheads" as punchlines for every other joke, who kept trying to get me to fuck them while simultaneously treating my actual real life partner (also a part of this d&d group) like she didn't exist.

- Rich bitch child of a Midwest corpo CEO who left my best friend and partner stranded in downtown Chicago at 3am after promising to pick her up and drive her back home (who also held some of her property hostage until she "paid what she owed - $20 for gas lmaoo)

- Mid-2010s popular Tumblr/Twitter poster that I dated who falsely accused me of SA after I (privately) told her she was being an asshole after she PUBLICLY ACCUSED an ex of hers (that was my friend) of abuse to an audience of 100,000 TWITTER FOLLOWERS (after mooching off her ex's money for 2+ years and, imo, treating her like absolute garbage during)

- one thousand variations of tenderqueer who think drug users/addicts are the scum of the earth and that any form of radical political change is "making the rest of us look bad"

Soapboxing over, I'm just thankful that I've more-or-less left the era where I've been in close proximity to shitty people like this behind. More than a few of these experiences I described gave me trauma that has lasted almost a decade now and most got zero consequences for how they hurt me and hurt people I care about :)

[loadedcanons]

Drabble prompt: Harley goes “bird watching” and takes home a prize!

Harley watched the skyline and waited. "It's not fair, Ive," she vented into her comms. "Batsy has all these robins runnin' around, and we are expected to make do with just ourselves? It's like he's not gonna let us get away with anything," she sighed, before finally spotting someone she was looking for. Red Robin, clearly deep in a sleep-deprivation marathon. He'd be easy pickings. "Ive, heat up those hormones, I've got him in my sights."

It wasn't hard to disable Tim's comms, so he couldn't call for help once it became obvious what she was doing. Harley was at least liked enough by the Bat Family that she could ask him for help and he wouldn't immediately reject her. After that, a simple dose of knockout serum and he was asleep in her arms.

"Hiya Timmy," Harley's voice echoed through the pink room when he woke up. He couldn't see any of his gear, but his head pounded and his body felt... odd.

"Quinn... I thought you were on the straight and narrow now," he spoke, trying to buy time to figure a way out. When he shifted to sit up, he noticed a large dildo in his ass, but it felt good. He had to stifle a moan.

"Eh, never been straight, and I tried narrow when I was in gymnastics, but I prefer the parallel bars," she laughed. As Tim looked down at his body, he noticed a pair of breasts starting to bud underneath his pink nightie. "So, I figure you're wonderin' why I picked ya up, Timmy," her voice kept bouncing around, he couldn't place the speakers.

"Did you finally get bored of being an anti-hero and wanted me to beat you up again? Because I'll oblige." Despite his confident words, Tim couldn't be sure he'd actually win here, his body felt weak and drained. It was now that he realized that, between Harley's words, there was a subtle repeating message. He couldn't focus on it yet.

"I mean, I'm all for foreplay, Bird brain, but no, I wanted my own little sidekick. I'd call ya Punchline, but Mr. J beat me to that name, annoyingly," she groaned in annoyance. As Tim listened harder to the words, they became clear, and his mind became blank. The words were a subliminal hypnotic track intended to make him want to be a girl, want to be fucked with big cocks, suck big cocks, submit to a dominant.

"...re you'll probably be drif... out of focus, unable to... thanks to the words and hor... til you're a good girl for me," were all Tim was able to remember, though he knew that he was losing time in there. Every time he came back, a voice in the back of his head was louder and louder, asking him if it was really worth fighting back.

"You don't need a sidekick, Harley, you're doing just fine on your own," Tim tried to offer, but his will was giving out. Despite the drug induced unconsciousness, his mind hadn't actually rested, and he was having a hard time concentrating.

"Tell you what, Timmy, I'll come in myself, and we can talk it out, how's that?" Harley's voice cut off, leaving just the subliminal hypnosis, making Tim drift off again. The next time he came to, he was sucking Harley's cock and he loved the taste... no, she loved the taste. Tim Drake was done, it was time for a new identity.

Harley Quinn and her new sidekick, Rim Shot, swung up to meet with Batman soon enough. Rim Shot recognized him dimly, as if he was someone she should remember. Rim Shot's outfit was like a fusion of a pink version of Harley's original outfit and a magical girl dress. She'd picked it out herself, between training her body to take the biggest cocks she could and studying how to be a good girl like Harley. Darla Quinn was going to have fun as Harley's sidekick.

[meimi-haneoka]

I am so sorry about the delayed response. Real life stuff happened. And thank you so much! *Blushing* I am glad that I could take your mind off things even if temporarily. I hope things get better soon. I really enjoy asking you things. Most people I know are not into CCS even if they are into anime and that really sucks. I actually came across a post of yours quite incidentally (the Chocomint one - I am in Team Chocomint out there with Sakura and Tomoyo, hehe) and then fell into reading a bunch of your other posts. And then I sent you my first ask and of course, there's that. Thank you so much again for the long responses. On a second note, can I just fangirl over how Syaoran thinks Sakura is cute. Like we knew he was smitten by Sakura's personality but I wholly appreciate the way Syaoran appreciates Sakura's beauty. The one scene where Sakura and Syaoran were on a second date to the botanical garden is so cute. It's almost as though he couldn't stop drinking in his girlfriend's beauty. And then his eyes softens in such a warm way once she expresses her desire to talk to him more. *Fangirls so hard*. Furthermore, you are right about the protected environment that CLAMP created for CCS. I love it because I always felt uncomfortable with overt depictions of sexuality (Let's be honest, most anime do a very poor job of handling consent and burgeoning adolescent sexuality). I come from a more conservative non-PDA Asian culture and I always felt uncomfortable with the way sexuality or intimacy were treated as jokes and punchlines. Frankly, I am of opinion that while sexuality does exist in CCS (there are far too many sleepovers at Yukito's place involving Touya and remarkable number of mentions of it), there just accorded the dignity and respect of privacy. Touya and Yukito are not used as punchlines or jokes to embarass the protagonist (or themselves) walking in on them in one of their more intimate moments. Like it exists in the CCS world but it is none of our business what these precious couples choose to do in their more intimate moments. Those moments are theirs and theirs alone to experience and cherish and I love that about CCS. For course, given the childlike gaze of CCS, it is quite understandable that CCS treats sexuality the way children do - they know something exists but they are not old enough to discern it. I really appreciate it. And I agree on that with you.

Aaaand now it's my turn to apologize because I did finish the new fanart, but I always need a couple of days of "rest" after I did one cause this stuff drains me emotionally and mentally 😅 I really use it as a way to vent and release feels...I kinda feel like Akiho these days, to be honest. Anyway! Please know that you can take all the time you need if you want to send a reply, I am very well aware of how much RL stuff takes the priority over fandom stuff!

YAAAASS another comrade, high-five chocomint lover!! 😆 I'm curious about the chocomint post you saw cause I can't remember what I was talking about in it (I even tried to search for it and didn't come up with anything) 😆

Yes, seeing Syaoran appreciating openly Sakura's cuteness is really great to see, I think when they let us peek into his mind and heard him thinking, no, screaming in his head "She's so cute!!!!" in chapter 47, that was the peak for the SyaoSaku fandom 😆 He adores her smile and he's completely dependent on it! From an external POV it might seem trivial, nothing big about a young boyfriend commenting "cute" about his young girlfriend in his head, but I actually think it was a way from CLAMP to let us gently accustomed to the idea that Syaoran is growing up, and so he's starting to appreciate Sakura on multiple levels, if you know what I mean. Not big things yet but, you know...we're getting there, he's a teenager after all!

And I really like how you exposed the whole matter about sexuality in CCS. I absolutely think that the multiple "sleepovers" (at this point it almost seems like Touya moved in with Yukito for how often he stops by his home for the night) are definitely the strongest indication of the intimacy that there is between those two: as you said, they could be doing things, or even just enjoying the intimacy of sleeping together in the same room, we don't know and it's none of our business frankly. Because the story is trying to convey the feelings those two have for eachother through other aspects, other lens, not through how overt their expressions of affection are in public. That's why I shake my head everytime I find opinions like "I wish there was a kiss or a more explicit declaration of what Touyuki feel for eachother" cause that's not the flavor of this series at all. That's not how any of the characters express their love for eachother (and that's maybe what I meant when I said that "all characters receive the same treatment, kids and grown ups", and didn't express properly). If there's one thing I've understood about CLAMP, is that they're pretty averse to boxing their characters into definitions and customs....so they don't give precise definitions of what their characters are, what they do, you have to immerse yourself into their stories and infer those things from what the characters experience. Touyuki is not my main ship but I kinda get peeved when I see statements that diminish or invalidate their relationship, cause I think they're absolutely valid as they are!

And yes, I'm pretty sure CLAMP chose this approach because of the child gaze, but I also think that resonates with their personal views about relationships.

[roobylavender]

You last ask was about Kory and something that came into my mind while reading her Tales of the Titans issue today was just how much her relationship with Dick has been diminished. No that’s not all Kory has/had but it was a humongous part of her relationship with earth and many other things so just to cast it aside has been something to read. I guess what brought this on is reading the new Tales of the Titans issue today for Starfire, and there were many nice moments (I still think it was a forgettable issue) it’s just crazy that even as a friend Dick was kind of just not there at all to the point he didn’t even need to be in the issue at all. His only role was to literally say “hi oracle” and then at the end to be like “oh I have to get back to Babs”. I know others won’t see it this way and just be glad that she’s not just about Dick but it’s not even about that it’s kind of like this thing where they keep trying to get her out of the way with out any meaningful conversation between the two even as old team mates. How many times do we have to see Kory give her approval of Dick’s relationship? Because she has to do it every time she has appeared recently. It’s not being unkind or harsh to her with writing but it’s starting to in the kindest way make it true that Kory was just a fling…

And I’m saying this as someone who equally loves Barbara Gordon as well…

Today did her no favors. In one issue she’s helping out the titans but at the end you are reminded that she’s Dick’s girlfriend hence her reason for being there. In another she’s murdered by Punchline in a dream. In another she’s held captive for Dick’s pain in his nightmare.

I’m just very tired of seeing these patterns repeated but seeing fans cling on to one or two panels that are considered goods to them.

Like superhero comics aren’t going to last long as the rate we are going. It’s burning old readers out and the new readers just want something to project onto.

i got your subsequent ask btw and i don't mind answering this at all! it's a perfectly valid vent if anything. i haven't read the issue (or much of anything really) myself but i'm not surprised.. it seems every year all dick and kory's interactions will amount to is revisiting that they're okay with the fact that they're broken up. which is wild frankly bc they officially broke up more than a decade ago so like.. what even is the need for any of this. if you as a writer are truly committed to the idea of them moving on from the romance but continuing to be teammates why not dedicate their interactions to that rather than reassuring your readers about the breakup as if they're stupid. and like you said why is acknowledging the foundations of that relationship antithetical to how they're portrayed when romantically apart. it's not like they jumped immediately into a relationship when introduced to each other. it took a long time for them to actually realize they liked each other like that let alone to start dating! that's kinda the whole crux of their relationship, is that they were such good friends and teammates first, so while a breakup certainly does change things that foundation doesn't automatically disappear. everything feels so surface level and immediately palatable these days and it's depressing. there's nothing real or deep anymore and it's insulting of writers to approach their relationship like it can only ever be deep if they're romantically attached when a big part of their dynamic even when they were off in the 90s/early 00s is that they were still incredibly close and reliant upon each other bc that was how deep the relationship went regardless of its nature. like what are either of them in the modern day but utter shells of themselves. it's sad

[chaosandchemistry]

People really love to rag on foot fetishists, even in circles that otherwise promote kink or queer inclusivity. It gets a little old, and it's used as such a throwaway punchline so much that it hardly seems worth it.

Just to head this off at the pass, I'm not going to act like foot fetishists are an especially oppressed class or anything, I'm just venting about something that bugs me personally. That being said, when I hear these jokes I'm reminded of the people I grew up with who really saw kinks as inherently predatory (see also, the whole "no kink at pride" nonsense). When someone treats any one kink this way, I feel less comfortable trusting them with *any* aspects of my sexuality because I worry about how they might see me if I share the wrong thing about myself.

It took me a while to accept those parts of who I am and I don't like it when that old policing mentality tries to sneak its way back in. I know there'll always be people in my workplace or town who see *many* parts of me as wrong or "inappropriate", but I'd rather not see echoes of those attitudes from people who claim to otherwise be sex positive and accepting of queerness.

[angeldiaries777]

ur not mentally ill (edtwt/ trigger warning)

not all weightloss is related to an eating disorder. when will idiots on twitter understand this. 90% of the people on edtwt (haven't been on there since 2021) are just children who grew out of their baby fat phase or fucking emo k pop stans. you can tell so clearly by their posts and the way they treat their accounts. these people r burning for attention whilst they invalidate people with ACTUAL ed's on there by calling them toxic and encouraging people who r practically alive skeletons to literally get worse. i want these people to actually be cursed with REAL ed's sometimes so they can stop trying to claim illnesses that they do not suffer from. i was on there as a sick 14 yr old when i was isolated from my depression/agoraphobia and needed to vent because i had nobody who would understand because i was hiding my ed at the time. it was how i coped and it started in my childhood. its literally let me give an example okay its like having cancer and someone pretends to have cancer for a few months because they want to be cool or quirky.

its such a fckn joke. these trolls make these weirdo intense jokes and mock us.why are non mentally ill speaking of us so often now?? mentally ill people r almost always the punchline. and no not everyone is mentally ill. if you think that way i think you're genuinely ignorant and i could say why but i'm too lazy to type all of that out rn. yeah basically everyone calling their eating habits or diets eating disorders need a reality check. you're just insecure and dumb/ ugly with no life. NOT MENTALLY ILL.

and the reason i defend real mentally ill people sm is cuz we know. we don't talk about it in real life. but we know. its so isolating. anyway sending everyone love. get off the internet for a while maybe.

[hannie-dul-set]

hello!! I love all your works - the details the plot the very clever and funny punchlines hehehe they make me feel a certain way that life just… is not delivering TT (i have been in your inbox before) and I’m just here to wax poetic about peach tree again my beloved my favorite my no 1 on this little hellsite known as tumblr. Every now and then I just feel this rush of fondness for it HAHA and I wanted to share that somehow somewhere :”

a little confession is that I felt like peach tree is really similar to my life… but just as the story is still unfolding so is my own life’s story - the ending is still a mystery. Sometimes I hope to come in and see the next part of peach tree, hoping it’d give me more things to dream and hope for (I may be sounding too delusional I hope that’s not too intense). but I just mean to say that I am very thankful and feel blessed to read your works! <3

I think one of my recent favorites would be the one w soobin in the pubs committee w y/n as well!! you rly have such a way with words and ideas I wish you’d write a drama hehe

sending you lots of power and boss vibes (which you seem to have lots of already) to get through school!

head was spinning because of my midterms coverage last night but my mood instantly got better when i read this during my break 😭.

when i started writing peach tree, i wasnt sure if people would want to read a 40k word vomit (now at 80k if you include act ii that's catching dust in my gdocs) of me venting about the issues i had to work through 😭😭 it's a personal work, and seeing a lot of you guys relate to it makes me both happy and sympathetic at the same time.

UGH this story is just so very dear to me and i'm glad you find some sort of comfort to it. to everyone still waiting for act ii......i will really try my best to get it out within the year, maybe during my summer vacation because it's not like my current silly little fics where i can just barf out some jokes and call it a day HAHAHAHAH i need to be in a certain headspace to write it, and the wip is currently stuck on a particularly emotionally climactic scene that my brain and heart just isn't ready for 😭😭😭.

the soobin fic, love vomit, is very much peach tree coded and also a testament to my tendency of oversharing my life through fanfics and kpop boys HAHAHAHAHHAHA thank you so much for this anon, hope you're having a wonderful day!

[edelgarfield]

i need to vent about a d&d game

so i'm playing a sorcerer & from i took "prestidigitation" at character creation, primarily for the purpose of the "pissing other people's pants" joke. it's silly & stupid but i thought it was harmless fun.

last session over a year into the campaign, i tried to do it to my character's brother and the DM cuts me off and says "No. I hate that gag. It's stupid." and essentially says I can't do it.

and like, I don't really care about not being able to do it. what upsets me is the DM's reaction. I felt like I was being scolded and I just felt ashamed an embarrassed.

and I have a bunch of minor gripes like that. i feel like any time my character tries to do something cute or cool or meaningful or outside the box, someone (usually the DM) turns it into a joke where me/my character is the punchline.

and like im the least experienced player at the table and the only woman, so i just feel like I'm constantly being lowkey mocked or belittled or or talked down to.

ex:

the prestidigitation thing

i tried to probe an NPC for info & two people said my character was being a total bitch

i tried to pull one of the party members aside for a private conversation & one of the other players derailed it. when i said "i was trying to be private" the PLAYER responded "give me a stealth check"

i tried to have a sweet moment with my character's brother by casting darkness and giving him a hug and it got turned into a joke

later tried to have another sweet moment with my character's brother by twincasting mage armor on both of us only to be told he already had mage armor and being forced to backtrack in front of the rest of the party and looking like an idiot.

while the DM was describing a bunch of stuff I typed "mage armor" in the chat to signify I was casting it during the sequence of events and got told "nice try"

i told the DM i wanted to rp my character having memory problems. he said "sure, just clear it with the other players" i did and everyone was fine with it. when i tried to rp it, the DM said "no, you remember that." when i tried to argue the DM replied "sure, let's grind the plot to a halt" even though that was never my intention.

and these are all just examples from the previous two sessions. if i go back farther there's more.

I know I'm partially being paranoid and oversensitive. but i just feel like no one takes me seriously and everything i do is fodder to be mocked and belittled.