#there's no danger of harry killing william's kids and getting away with it if we neglect to be guided by history

[lackadaisycal-art]

When I say "I like Richard III", I'm not saying I condone or absolve the real historical figure. What I love is the Trinity of Richard III the fictionalised villain, Richard III the fictionalised hero and Richard III, the unknowable approximation of a real person that can be scraped together from historical records. Three separate entities often at total odds with one another and yet conceptually one person. It's the multi-faceted, contradictory, vague idea of him that finds a new way back into the Zeitgeist again and again that I love. He's become folklore.

[wannabemobwife]

Guns, Glamour and Goodfellas - Chapter 13

Chapter 13: Revenge Never Felt So Good

Dad!Mob!Tom x Mom!Mob!Reader

-Pairings: Tom Holland x Reader, Rosie Holland x Henry Osterfield

-Warnings: Guns, bombing, language, murder, blood, hints to smut (none actual smut), typos, shitty writing, torture I guess

-Words: 4.9K

A/n: Can we get back to mob stuff? Please. I want to apologize for this chapter, it is absolute shit and I could tell by writing it. Kind of a filler chapter. Sorry it is long.

Chapter 13: Revenge Never Felt So Good

Words: 4.9K

It had been a week, since you got your memories back and you declared your love for Tom once more. Right after that, you and Tom were on the first train to Paris, refusing to fly for awhile.

You and Tom returned last night, just in time to see Parker and Rosie off to school the next morning. While you and Tom had been enjoying a second honeymoon in the city of love, Nikki and Dom so graciously offered to watch the kids. Everything was falling back into full swing. Parker and Rosie were going to school regularly. Rosie spending all her time with Henry and Parker still living his secret double life.

Things going back to normal. Somewhat.

It was a typical morning, but anytime everyone every thinks that, something gets massively screwed up. You woke up early to make pancakes and bacon.

“So what is plan for everyone today?” You asked, sipping at your steaming cup of coffee.

“Well, Rosie and I have school,” Parker explained.

“I have plans with Henry,” Rosie chimed in.

“I have meetings all day, love.” Tom said, pressing a gentle kiss to your cheek.

“Ok, so I’m all alone today,” you muttered, a little disappointed.

“I’m sorry darling, you could join me. You know much I love it when you sit in my lap during meetings. Really show them who’s boss,” Tom said, wrapping you in his embrace.

“No, it’s ok. I have some errands to run anyway.”

“Alright, angel. I love you. I’ll see you for dinner.”

“I love you too. Come on, kids. In the car we go.” You said, pushing everyone out the door.

“Why is Jared not driving?” Parker asked.

“Cause, I have errands to run and besides he’s driving your dad today.”

“Now let’s go.” You said as Parker and Rosie hopped into the car.

Tom was having a hard time returning to his mob personality. Some business was conducted in Paris, you tagged along and enjoyed every minute of it. Tom sometimes overcompensated for not being as dangerous and intimidating. He had grown soft taking care of you after the helicopter crash. Helping you get your memory took most of his time, he had to step away from the mob for awhile. But you were his top priority.

Tom couldn’t remember the last time he sat in his office doing business. He missed it. He missed the thrill of torturing someone, having them beg for their life in front of him. He missed the feeling of firing his gun.

“Tom, you’re late,” Haz said as Tom got out of the car.

“Sorry not sorry Haz, I enjoyed breakfast with Y/N and the kids this morning,” Tom responded.

“I have to tell you something.”

“What? It’s never good news if it’s right when I get here.”

“We’re down two more.” Harrison mumbled referring to then decreasing number of soldiers part of the Holland Empire.

“Are you fucking serious? Haz, I’m so fucking tired of this bullshit. My men are getting fucking killed. Everything has gone to shit,” Tom screamed, enraged.

“Tom, we’ll figure it out. Just need to keep your cool.” Haz said, trying to avoid Tom’s wrath.

“Easier said than done. Alright, who’s here,” Tom asked, trying to forget about everything else.

“William.” Haz said with a straight face.

“What? Why? He’s always been loyal,” Tom questioned. One of his most valuable men, working against him, the rat?

“I got word from the soldiers he has been taking bribes from Parker,” Harrison explained.

“What the fuck for? Well, I guess we’ll find out.” Tom said, walking into the main room of the warehouse.

“William, I’d never thought it would be you in this chair.” Tom said, walking up to one of his most trusted employees.

“Tom, you gotta believe me. I didn’t do anything. I’m not the rat,” William pleaded. He knew what had been happening to the mob.

“Did you or did you not take money from Parker?” Tom asked.

“Yes, he just wanted to get out of the manor at night. So, he paid me to turn a blind eye.”

“Where was he going?”

“I don’t know, I assumed to some girl’s house.” “William, I trust you. So I’m going to let you off with a warning, but you can’t let him sneak out anymore. I’m afraid we are being targeted. If he tries to leave, you have to tell me.”

“Yes, boss. I’m sorry.” William apologized.

“It’s ok, but you understand what needs to happen right? I can’t be looking like I’ve gone soft,” Tom asserted.

“Yeah, I can take it. It’s ok,” William said, gritting his teeth as he waited for the collision of Tom’s fist to his cheek. Tom winded up to deliver one swift punch to William’s left eye. Not breaking the skin but creating a dark purple blotch.

All of Tom’s frustrations have been channeled into his mob duties. Each punch riddled with anger and frustration. A release of catharsis combined with blood. Tom wears the smell of blood and death like a perfume.

The rest of the day was full of uneventful meetings. Meetings with business associates, actual business associates for the company.

When Tom came home, he planned to confront Parker about his whereabouts if he tried to sneak out again. Everyone retired, you went to sleep first and Rosie went to her room. Parker said, he was going to bed but Tom could see right through him.

Tom was sitting in the den, sipping a glass of watered down whiskey. Waiting for his son to disobey him. At 11:55 PM, Parker made his way downstairs ever so slightly. Only to be met with the dagger eyes of Tom.

“Where the fuck do you think you are going?” Tom asked as Parker tried to sneakily leave.

“I… I thought I heard noise outside and I’m going to go check on it,” Parker stammered. Getting caught by Tom was not part of the plan.

“Oh, ok. Parker the guards can do that. Go back to bed.” Tom said, turning back to the TV in the den, broadcasting Raiders of the Lost Ark.

“Ok. Night, dad,” Parker said, trudging himself back up the steps.

“Night…. I know, you’re lying,” Tom whispered loud enough for Parker to hear.

“What? I’m not lying.”

“Parker, I know you’ve sneaking out for weeks and bribing William.”

“Dad, I’m sorry,” Parker immediately started apologizing, no bother in trying to lie himself out of this one.

“Why have you been sneaking out?” Tom questioned, seething with anger but refusing to show it. Trying to have a mature adult conversation.

“I’ve been going to a girl’s house, her name is Jamie.”

“Oh, glad you find someone. You know after everything with Charlotte,” Tom replied.

“Well since I told you the truth, can I go? We made the plan a couple days ago and don’t want to cancel,” Parker lied.

“Alright, just be back before sunrise or your mother will have may head,” Tom informed him.

“Thanks dad, you should get some sleep,” Parker said, making his way out of the heavily guarded house.

Parker left as quickly as possible. He knew Wilson would be pissed for him being late. The talk with Tom was not how this was supposed to happen.

He couldn’t betray his family and himself anymore.

Parker hoped this was the last time he would have to talk to him. He planned to quit, after the conversation with Dom. Parker had become everything he hated, someone who kills for sport.

“Wilson, this is the last thing I’m doing then, I’m out,” Parker said, walking towards Wilson.

“We’ll talk about it later, my boy,” Wilson said, patting Parker’s shoulder.

“Alright who am I killing? You never gave me a target.” Parker shouted at Wilson walking.

“Oh, this isn’t a hit, it’s a robbery. Here’s your new firearm,” One of Wilson’s men explained, tossing a MP5K at him.

“You okay kid? You know if you’re too much of pussy the boss might understand,” jeered one of the men as Parker gulped at the size of the weapon.

“Fuck you, I’m fine. Let’s just get this over with,” Parker barked, trying to put his mind aside. He has never done anything like this. It wasn’t just one person he was killing, it was the possibility of having many causalities. Altering his persona from a hitman to a mass murderer.

A million thoughts flooded Parker’s mind. He wouldn’t be killing people who deserved it like before, contract killers or drug dealers, these were innocent people. Stupid people for gambling all their hard earned money away but nonetheless innocent.

Parker’s heart nearly stopped when he saw where the van pulled up to. A place he knew all too well, it was one of Tom’s casinos.

The company that Dom had built, but all the Holland boys sent thriving in the new century, was more than it seemed. Holland Exportation and Luxuries was much more than exporting goods.

It was casinos that ran all along the French Riviera, more specifically Monaco. It was hotels across the entire globe. It was a business but not the family one. More of a front for the mob but it paid the bills. Harry and Sam had been in charge of running and establishing the hotels and casinos across Europe.

“Y’know your way around, right? That’s why the boss put you on this.” One of men asked Parker as he fiddled with his new machine gun.

“I guess so.” Parker replied.

“Here’s a map. Where are the guards? Which posts?” Asked a soldier, pointing to the main entrance hallways, where security was sure to be.

“I don’t know.”

“So we’re going in there fucking blind? Fuck, thought you’d be good for something. Just stay out of our way,” yelled one of the capos.

“No. I’m taking point. If you have a problem, you can fucking talk to me about it along with my Glock,” Parker threatened.

“Alright. Don’t screw this up. The boss wants big bucks from this. Says “it’s step two in the fall of the empire.” Whatever the fuck that means.”

“On my count, 1, 2… 3,” Parker screamed.

They came storming in, barricading all the entrances and exits. Parker and Wilson’s men clad in all black and payday masks. All various colors and designs. They looked as they were trick or treating.

This was the last thing Parker wanted to be doing. He came today to quit and now he was robbing a casino.

Parker kept repeating a mantra in his head “Last one, then I’m done” as held his gun high. Pointing it directly at innocents, he could see them shaking in fear.

“EVERYONE ON THE GROUND NOW!” He shouted, aiming his machine gun high.

“Don’t you fucking touch that button. I know what it fucking does.” Parker barks at the person behind the token counter. “Open the vault.” Parker said, pointing the gun at him.

“Why should I?” remarked the worker.

“Cause I fucking said so and I’m threatening your life,” Parker explained

“Enough of this shit!” He screamed, firing a few rounds close to the worker but not hitting him.

“You don’t have to do this. You could walk out of here, all of you. And we could go on with our lives. No need for money or the cops.”

“I think we both know that’s not gonna happen. I’ll ask nicely, please open the vault,” Parker mocked. “Boss said “start killing hostages in 10 minutes.” One of the other men whispered in Parker’s ear.

“Did you fucking hear that? We’re gonna fucking kill you if you don’t cooperate. So I suggest you open… the fucking… vault.”

“Sir, we can’t.”

“See this gun. LOOK AT IT! It has the power to put a bullet through your skull. Open the fucking vault. I won’t ask a fifth time.”

“That’s it. Now, type in the code.” Parker directed towards them.

The vault door creaked open, revealing trappings of pure wealth. Money stacked on tables, almost reaching the ceiling. And gold bars, glistened as the light reflected off of them.

“Now was that so fucking hard. Take all of it. Everything, even the gold.” Parker said, directly towards his men.

“Thank you, you’ve served you purpose,” Parker said to the worker, shooting him dead not even 3 seconds later. The screams of the other hostages echoed through the vacated room.

“Now to everyone here, there’s already one dead. I don’t mind making it more,” Parker barked.

“What’s your name?” Parker asked the nice looking girl kneeling on the ground.

“It’s not nice to not answer when someone asks you question, especially someone with a 9 caliber MP5K in your face. I ask again. What’s your name?” Parker spoke.

“Jane,” she whispered, shaking with fear.

“Well Jane, I want to thank you for your cooperation. You are in charge of talking to the cops, ok? And let your boss know, that Wilson is always watching,” Parker said, as he turned to leave.

“I will but you won’t get as far as you hoped,” Jane asserted, trying not to irritate Parker.

“And why’s that?”

“I know you. I remember you. You’d come in here with your dad.”

“You don’t know fucking shit!” Parker screamed.

“I know your name and that puts me at a high position of power,” Jane expressed, growing less afraid by the second. Realizing he is just some scared boy. Maybe not afraid of his own shadow but broken down by the fear of the world.

“I’m the one pressing fucking gun to your head. I HAVE ALL THE POWER!” Parker vociferated loud enough to shake the chandelier hanging above.

“You wish. Men like you always wish.”

“Seems like you’re doing some wishing yourself sweetheart. Wishing to be escorted out of here in a body bag. Now shut your fucking trap.”

“Hey. Let’s go. Leave her.” One of the Wilson’s men said, pulling Parker towards the exit.

“He still loves you and he’ll forgive you for this,” Jane shouted as Parker left.

Refusing to turn back, he had taken enough lives from this ill attempt at revenge. Parker didn’t know who he was fighting against anymore. Who was the hero and who was the villain?

All the wrongdoings as vast as the sea. All his attempts to make someone pay were misconstrued. Who actually deserved it?

The words of the woman replayed in Parker’s head. She was like a broken record, forcing him to listen to a truth he hoped to forget. How could Tom forgive him? Parker knew what he done was unforgivable. It was a mistake, all of it.

Parker marched into Wilson’s office and said, “Ever since I started working for you, my family has been in danger. I thought my dad was the reason for my girlfriends death, but I was wrong. I guess I’ll never know. Here Wilson, my gun. I quit.”

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing? I own you. I could end you, boy. Just like I almost did your parents,” Wilson barked.

“What?” Parker questioned, a look of confusion are on his face.

“Oh, please. You really think it was just a malfunction,” Wilson scoffed.

“What are you talking about?” Parker asked.

“Their helicopter. Pretty brilliant work, if I do say so myself,” Wilson gloated.

“They almost died.”

“Yeah and so? Your dad is my enemy. That is the whole reason you came to me in the first place.”

“You promised you wouldn’t hurt them,” Parker screamed. “Promises are meant to be broken. They don’t call me the Merchant of Death for nothing.”

Wilson was ready for the fight and been the one pulling the strings the entire time. Tom warranted no quarrel. Never being the instigator in a fight with Wilson.

They had been divided for years to come, focusing on their separate mobs. Only acknowledging each other if they accidentally crossed paths. There was Wilson’s mob, then a few others scattered round London such as Graham’s which was almost non-existent and Shaw’s which was mostly the drug scene. But Wilson was Tom’s biggest competitor. Being a part of then game for years before didn’t matter, Tom eclipsed Wilson just like the sun does the moon.

Or the moon to the sun, that was exactly Wilson’s play from the start. Taking out the pillars of Tom’s life. First a reason to have his son turn on him, the death of a loved one. Next, removing you from Tom’s grasp. Eventually a play had to be made on Rosie. Leaving Tom utterly alone.

Only thoughts that would cross his mind be suicidal ones, having lost everything he ever cared about. It was a long play, one Wilson vowed to see through. Wilson saw all his work as justice and merciful. Almost biblical, they way everything was playing out.

“It was you. All along. The fucking puppet master,” Parker mumbled under his breath.

“If you are talking about your little girlfriend, that was strictly business, nothing personal. But yes, I have been the one behind the scenes driving your father mad. Remember the note?” Wilson exclaimed.

“She didn’t deserve to die,” Parker shouted.

“What? Are you really upset? That was ages ago. Plus, I had to get you on my side somehow,” Wilson teased.

“Wait, you knew I’d come here?”

“Parker, how stupid are you? When will you grow up and learn this rivalry is just the beginning of a war. What side are you going to be on? You have a choice. I’ve warmed to you and I want you on my side as I take your daddy down.”

“That’s your first fucking mistake don’t have any weaknesses,” Parker admitted, taking a lesson from Tom. He drew is gun, point blank at Wilson.

“Parker, what are you doing? Put the gun down,” Wilson pleaded for his life.

“No, you made me into a cold blooded killer. Not my dad. I quit.”

BANG

After a loud thud sounded, the room was silent. Only a faint smell of smoke from the gun was there as Parker fled as quickly as possible.

Parker made his way home that night a changed man. All his kills in the pass were strictly business. Never driven by emotion but this one was personal.

It wasn’t a job or a hit. He was no longer a contract killer. Killing for the sake of money or an obligation. He was cold blooded killer.

In some twisted way, Parker enjoyed Wilson and his company. Looking up to him. He was then one who saved him from the horrible life he thought he was leaving behind. The one full of deceit and betrayal. The one with Tom, you and Rosie.

The one that led him to be next leader of the Holland mob. The one that resulted in the death of his beloved girlfriend. The one that had almost taken you and Tom away from him. The one that almost took his life. The one that forced him to kill for sport.

But no, he was wrong Parker brought that on himself. Parker’s naivety was his greatest enemy. He was just a child not too long ago. Once afraid of his own shadow, then afraid of failing at life and school, especially the SATs. Now, he was an adult burdened by problems a 16 year old should ever face. He could sit there and blame Tom, but it would do him no good when all he had to do was look in the mirror.

Parker was his own worst enemy. Searching for justice, when none could be found in a world wear mobsters roamed. Causing shootouts, robbing banks, and killing innocent people. People deserved to be avenged and Parker sure as hell wasn’t doing anything to aide.

Parker drove home, took four showers and threw his clothes away. Anything to wash off this abhorrent day. The next morning, Parker went on like nothing had changed. As if he didn’t shoot his boss and Tom’s rival in cold blood. As if didn’t only see himself as a cold blooded killer. Everything that he is and everything he owns soiled with the scent of murder.

He played it as though it was any other morning. Eating his pancakes and bacon before starting the day. Telling you about his plans for the day. Trying to keep his cool. The lovely morning breakfast conversation was interrupted once Tom’s phone rang.

RING, RING, RING

“Haz, why are you calling me? I’m having breakfast with my family,” Tom asked, annoyed his precious breakfast was interrupted. “Charlie is here, you need to get here. I have to tell you something,” Haz informed Tom. “Ok, I’m on my way,” Tom said, brushing off the request. Why would the

company’s electrical engineer for aeronautical transportation be there?

“Love, I’m so sorry but I’m needed at the warehouse. Thank you for this wonderful breakfast, wish I could enjoy it. Bye, kids. Have a good day at school,” Tom said, making his way out the door. Bidding you all goodbye.

“Haz, what’s was so urgent that I couldn’t finish my breakfast.” Tom barked, annoyed he was pulled away from you and the kids even on a Saturday.

“We were robbed last night. The casino.” Haz explained, his head hanging low.

“How the fuck? Did they catch them?” Tom seethed with anger.

“No, we do have eye witnesses though.”

“How much is missing?”

“About 11 million dollars, from cash to gold bars.” Haz said, waiting for Tom to explode.

“FUCK. We need to make them pay. I’m done playing fucking games.” Tom shouted, calming himself down for his meeting with Charlie.

“Now, you said Charlie was here, right?”

“Yeah, in your office.”

“Charlie? What are you doing here?” Tom asked, a little annoyed he was taken away from his morning with his family.

“Tom, I ran my report and did diagnostics tests and it’s not good,” Charlie started.

“What the fuck does that mean, Charlie?” Tom yelled.

“I think the helicopter was sabotaged.”

“What? You mean is that someone tried to take out my wife and I while we were on a helicopter,” Tom repeated, making all the connections necessary .

“Yes, it wasn’t just a normal malfunction. Did they ever find the pilot?” Charlie asked.

“No… Jesus fucking christ, if it’s true then…Fuck, I’m sorry I have to go,” Tom yelled, running out to the car.

“Jared, home now.”

“Mr. Holland is everything alright?” Jared asked, concerned by Tom’s frantic manner.

“No. I just found out the helicopter was sabotaged. I think someone might being trying to take out Y/N and I.”

“Come on baby, pick up,” Tom whispered, frantically dialing your number over and over.

“Y/N answer the god damm phone!” Tom shouted, when heard the same voice message over and over again, “Hi, this Y/N Holland please leave your name and number and I’ll get back to you as soon as possible.”

“God fucking dammit. Fuck, voicemail. Jared do you know where my wife is?” Tom yelled, afraid what your silence meant.

“Last I heard she was at the store getting groceries,” Jared explained.

“Fuck, I have here location on my phone. Change course,” Tom barked, praying you were okay. With the information he just learned he didn’t want to leave you alone, not even for a second.

“Y/N! You’re okay.” Tom said, inhaling a breath of relief. You were coming out of the store pushing a cart of groceries.

“Tom! Of course, I’m okay. What are you doing here?” You asked.

“I’ll explain later. Get Parker and Rosie we need to go home now.”

“They’re already home. Henry’s there also. You’re scaring me.” You said, Tom never acts like this.

Being a part of a mob there is a constant fear of someone behind you. All throughout Tom’s life he only had to worry about himself until he met you.

Tom’s worst fear is him being the reason you no longer walk the earth. The last week he had glimpse of life without you and didn’t care for it one bit. You weren’t a weakness but at the same time, you were. For anyone with a dangerous job there’s always a target on your back.

“Come on, love. In the car,” Tom motioned towards the car.

“Tommy, my car is here. I’ll meet you there,” you said, kissing his cheek goodbye.

“Ok just be careful please.”

“I’ll be fine.”

“Ok, Jared. Home now plea—“ Tom directed but was cut off by a loud BOOM.

“Jared, what the fuck was that?” Tom asked.

“Sir, it was Mrs. Holland’s car.”

“Y/N! Y/N?” Tom jumped out of the car. Nothing else mattered in that moment, only finding you.

Time stood still as thick black smoke bled through the air. Coating everything in its path with a faint ash. Screams echoed from the bystanders as the car went up in flames.

“Tom, I’m okay. It wasn’t mine.” You exasperated, coughing from the smoke. It wasn’t your car but it was close in proximity.

“Thank god. I can’t keep almost losing you,” Tom whispered, kissing you hairline.

“I’m here now.” The second you were in his arms you knew you were safe.

“Yes you are. It sure does look hell a lot like yours, though. Come on, I’m taking you home,” Tom said, wrapping his right arm around your shoulder.

Pulling up to the manor, everything looked different. There were more guards posted at every corner with heavier weaponry. Tom had the gate barricaded with another car in case some where to ram into the gate.

“Jesus, what took you so long?” Haz said

“They tried to bomb Y/N’s car. Thankfully the dumb fucks who planted it, picked the wrong car.”

“Tom you need to tell me what’s going on.”

“I will. Family meeting in the living room. Now.”

“Some of us have some secrets to share. I want to know everything that happened here while your mother and I were in Paris. Someone start talking,” Tom said, pacing in front of Parker and Rosie sitting on the couch.

Rosie and Parker were both hiding something. Rosie’s however was a rather monumental milestone. Rosie reminisced of her wonderful night with Henry while you and Tom were away. She loved Henry so much and was overjoyed to share that experience with him.

Rosie had told Henry at the wedding that she was ready to take that next step with him. Seeing you and Tom re-commit yourselves to one another affirmed that for Rosie. That she loved him more than anything.

“I’m sorry, dad. You don’t have to worry, we were safe,” Rosie blurted out.

“What?” Tom barked growing more anger by the second.

“Henry and I used a condom,” Rosie responded.

“Rosie?” You questioned, knowing what she was talking about.

“WHAT?” Tom screamed.

“That’s not what you were hinting at?” Rosie stammered.

“No, this is about Parker,” Tom reckoned.

“Fuck,” she mumbled under her breath.

“Where the fuck is he?” Tom yelled, bolting out of the living room. Looking for the boy who had stolen Rosie’s innocence. You and Rosie soon followed hoping Tom wouldn’t do anything rash.

“Dad!”

“Tom!”

“Henry, you bastard! You fucked my daughter!” Tom shouted charging at Henry.

“Oh shit,” Henry muttered, he knew Tom could kill him in an instant.

“You went in my daughter! What’s stopping me from killing you right now.” Tom asked with gritted teeth, hoping this dumbass wouldn’t answer.

“Tom, put him down,” you said, as Tom was gripping his collar and dangling him in the air.

“Daaaadddd.”

“Tom, please,” you pleaded as Tom held a gun square to Henry’s head.

“The safety is on, I was never gonna shoot him. Just make him shit his pants a little. From now on, you two can’t be here alone. And if you are in your room the door needs to stay open,” Tom said, pointing fingers at Rosie and Henry.

“I believe we have more important business to get to. Now come on,” you said, pulling Tom away.

“Y/N, you know I was never going to actually hurt the boy right?”

“Yes, Tommy. Now please resume the family meeting.”

“Parker. Do you have something to tell us?” Tom asked, knowing his son will lie.

“I’ve been sneaking out at night and I’m sorry,” Parker started, you could hear the disappointment behind his voice.

“Why? I know it’s not because of a girl. I want to know everything,” Tom explained, fucking tired of all the lies.

“Everything?”

“Everything.”

Parker began by explaining how he felt by the loss of Charlotte and how he turned to Wilson. In Parker’s mind he was doing the right thing. Serving justice to those who wronged others. But in reality he was the one committing the wrongdoings.

Parker came clean that he was the one killing all of Tom’s men and that he killed Jazz. That he went Wilson before coming to Tom. Becoming Wilson’s secret hitman was never supposed to go this far. He only intended for it to be a big fuck you to Tom. Not destroy his livelihood and his family in the process.

Including all the details of Wilson’s secret agenda of taking you and Tom out. But Parker left out the fact that Wilson was no longer a threat. Having taken care of him the day before.

“I’m sorry. I should’ve never been this naive and stupid. I’m the one you’ve been searching for. I’m the rat,” Parker exclaimed. “Dad, say something,” he pleaded.

“Get out,” Tom said with an unchanging expression.

“What?”

“I said get the fuck out!”

“Tom,” you tried to reason.

“You are no longer my son. Betraying me, betraying your family. Get out.” Tom screamed.

A/n: I’m sorry. I like the content in this chapter but not the writing.

Guns, Glamour and Goodfellas Masterlist

taglist: @thenoddingbunny-blog @dummiesshort @adriannauni @bi-lmg @allthisfortommy

[imaginesforyourfandom]

Racing Heart - Alex Morgan Imagine

A/N: For the purpose of this imagine, Alex has been de-aged to 21 years old. Everything else is the same.

Alex’s POV:

“This news coming days after Valtteri Bottas announced his return to Williams. It did not take Mercedes long at all to fill his position as they make history by announcing the rookie signing of 19-year old (Y/N) Harris. This marks the first time a female driver has been allowed onto the main roster of drivers.” Pinoe read out as Ashlyn had a scowl on her face. Ali just looked incredibly disappointed.

“This doesn’t make sense. Why couldn’t she have just told us about it?” Ash said crossing her arms.

“Maybe because she knew you wouldn’t approve?” Kelley said raising an eyebrow at the couple.

I glanced down at my phone when it buzzed indicating I got a text. It was a text from the girl in question asking me to meet her downstairs. She was here to surprise her parents, but she wanted alone time with me before she was to see them.

“I will be back in a little bit.” I said as everyone nodded. Ash continued ranting about (Y/N) becoming an official driver as Ali just had a somewhat sad and thoughtful look.

I exited the room as I made my way down to the lobby of the hotel. I smiled when I spotted my girlfriend looking down at her phone. I did my best to make my way to her before she could look up. I wrapped my arms around her as she jumped. She gave me a smile wrapping her arms around my waist.

“Hi.” I mumbled into her shoulder. She tightened her grip a little as she pulled away pulling me in for a kiss. I smiled letting myself be pulled into her. Everything about her was like an adventure.

“I missed you.” She said leaning her forehead against mine.

“I missed you too so much.” I said as I pulled away and pulled her towards the elevator. I was roomed with Pinoe who no doubt was going to stay with Ali and Ash right now. So, I felt pretty safe.

Once we snuck to my room, she picked me up and carried me to the bed. I laughed when we fell into it together. We laid there facing each other with soft smiles on our faces. There was really no one that I would rather be with than her.

“I should say congratulations on your new team.” I said as she rolled on her back a little with a slight chuckle.

“Yeah it’s insane.” She said with a dazed expression. I moved so I could lay on her chest. She brushed some hair out of my face as her hand caressed my face. “I know I made the right decision though.”

“Do you think that maybe you should have talked to your family first?”

“Probably. I meant to talk to them beforehand. I wasn’t expecting them to announce it so soon.” She said with a look of guilt. “Are they mad?”

“Definitely. At least Ash is mad about it. I think Ali is just upset that you didn’t tell them.” I said as she nodded her head.

“Yeah…it’s going to be such a great conversation.” She said sarcastically earning a small smile from me. “I don’t want to talk about that right now. I missed you and all I want is to be here with you.”

“I think something can be arranged.” I joked leaning up to kiss her. She smiled rolling us over, so she was on top of me. I wrapped my legs around her waist as she started placing kisses on my jaw and neck.

It wasn’t long before clothes started being shed and the feeling of her skin on mine. Every moment with her was like a bomb going off in my heart and the intimate moments that I got to spend with her were times I wish I could live in forever. The way she explores my body has always been one of the things I have loved the most about her. Every time she touches me it always feels like the first time. Like, she is exploring like she never has before. The way her touch sets my body on fire and the way the pleasure washes over us in waves. It is a feeling I will never get tired of.

I never thought that I could feel this strongly and passionately about one person until I met her. She came out of nowhere, but I was so sure she was the one I was meant to be with. Our relationship has always been one filled with passion and love. There has always been some sort of invisible pull between us. The not so great thing about our relationship is the secrecy and the hiding we do from those around us. She has been so nervous to tell her parents we are together, just because she thinks they are going to feel some type of way about us being together. I can’t say I disagree.

“What are you thinking about?” she asked me running her fingers up and down my spine. The activities from earlier long over as we lay in bed together enjoying the come down of the high we find with each other.

“You.” I said simply as she smiled.  

“Good things I hope.” She said as I nodded my head.

“Always good things.” I said kissing her cheek. She smiled leaning back in to give me another kiss. She seemed ready to continue, but I knew the time we had left was limited.

“As much fun as this could be, you need to go see your parents. It’s amazing that they haven’t blown your phone up after the news they got today.

“You’re no fun.” She pouted as I rolled my eyes. I leaned in to give her a kiss before she stood up. I took a moment to check out her body before she pulled her clothes on. She turned back towards me bending down to give me another kiss. “I’ll see you later?”

“Of course.” I said as she smiled and exited the room.

(Y/N) POV Switch

I walked out of Alex’s room heading towards the room my parents were in. I felt very reluctant to part with my girlfriend just because of how much I missed her, but I was also super excited to see my parents. Despite the fact that they are definitely going to yell at me. I should have talked to them as soon as my signing onto Mercedes was done. It’s just my ma has made it known to me that she wasn’t a fan of my racing. Even though, it is the thing I am most passionate about. Racing to me is what football is to her.

It’s one of a few secrets that I am keeping from my parents. The other big one being my relationship with Alex. I know that Alex hates being a secret and I wish things could be different, but I know how my parents are and I don’t see them being okay with us. She is too close to them for them to not care. I love her though. I want to be with her all the time. In the good times and the bad times. At this point, I can’t see myself with anyone else.

“Here we go…” I mumbled to myself as I knocked on the door. I waited a moment before the door was thrown open.

“Oh boy.” Pinoe mumbled as she saw me. I shot her a nervous smile as she pulled me in for a hug. “Congrats. I hope they don’t kill you.”

“Me too.” I said as I stepped into the room.

“I just think it’s irresponsible and so shady that she didn’t just tell us the truth. Like…we are her parents-”

“Ash!” my mom interrupted my ma’s rant as they both focused on me.

“Tell me how you really feel.” I joked as my mom immediately crossed the room. She pulled me in for a hug as I buried my face into her shoulder. It felt good to be back in the arms of my mom. No one gave me comfort like her.

“My baby” she said as I smiled slightly. “We have a lot to talk about.”

“I know” I said as I turned towards my ma. She had a hesitant look on her face as she then walked towards me pulling me in for a hug.

“I am so angry at you.” She said as I nodded my head.

“I had a feeling you would be.”

“Everyone out. We need to talk.” My ma said as everyone left and the three of us were alone.

“What were you thinking? Why didn’t you tell us?”

“Okay let’s not throw a thousand questions.” My mom said as I took a breath and sat on the bed.

“I’ve always loved racing. You know that. I’ve never hid that.” I said as they both nodded. They knew I had a strong passion for it. “I’m good at it. I have some of the fastest times. If you give me a real car that I can race in, I can compete with some of the top drivers.”

“Why didn’t you tell us that you were looking into it?” ma asked with a irritated look on her face.

“Because I knew you would be unhappy about it. You have never hid your feelings about me racing, but it’s what I want to do.” I said crossing my arms.

“It’s too dangerous.” My mom said as I sighed. “You could die. It’s not like other sports where if you mess up then its okay. If you mess up during a race, the consequence could be death.”

“That’s an exaggeration. If you do it safely, then you’re fine.”

“No. It doesn’t matter how safe you are being, accidents happen and you could still end up dead.”

“There’s no guarantee though. I am with a great team who takes care of their drivers.” I defended as they both shout me doubtful looks.

“(Y/N)…it’s a no.” my ma said as I shook my head out of frustration.

“I already signed the contract. I am locked in for at least the next season which starts very soon might I add.”

“How long have you known?”

“A little while. Maybe 2 months. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you but this right here is why. You’re proving my point. I have a chance to make a difference in the sport. Not just the team but the entire sport. If I can win the championship, I’ll make history.” I said as they both shot me soft looks. Though, they both looked furious still.

“I understand wanting to make history. It’s tempting. It’s not worth your life though and I can’t believe you knew for that long and never said anything.”

“Its not what you want, but I am not backing out. I’m locked into this contract and I am going to see it through. You won’t be able to change my mind. I really hope you change your mind though because I would love for you to come to my first race. Any races actually.”

“I am going to support whatever you do because you’re our kid. My baby. I just…I wish you had told us. I wish this was a decision that you had made while consulting us.”

“I’m not a kid anymore. I can make my own decisions.”

“You’re still our baby though.” My mom said as I smiled a little.

“I know.”

They pulled me in for a hug as I let myself fall into them. I wanted them to support me because it’s what I needed. I knew not everyone was going to be happy about Mercedes signing me. There was always going to be those critics, but I was sure that this is what I wanted.

After talking it out for a few more minutes, we eventually came to an agreement that I would be allowed to do my racing (which I was going to do anyway) and they would support me to the best of their ability. We then exited the room to go hang out with their teammates. It gave me the perfect opportunity to spend time with my parents as well as my girlfriend.

The rest of my visit with the team went just like that. I was with various members of the team and my parents. Every so often, I would sneak off to have some alone moments with Alex. She wasn’t saying it, but I knew the secrecy was starting to really bother her. I wanted to tell my parents but after the bombshell I dropped on them I thought better than to tell them that I was also dating one of their teammates.

After the trip though, time seemed to fly by as I started getting prepared for the upcoming season. The first race was going to be the Australia Grand Prix and my debut for Mercedes. A good portion of the national team was going to be there to support me so that was going to be very exciting. I was starting to get insanely nervous because I know how much is at risk if I don’t do well. Not only my own reputation, but Mercedes reputation as well.

“Are you nervous?” Alex asked me as we laid in my bed together. It was the night before qualifiers, and I was trying to keep my cool. Alex had managed to sneak away from her teammates so we could spend a little bit of time together. She always knew how to keep me calm and it’s exactly what I needed right now.

“A little. I had a pretty good practice session, but I need to be at the top of my game tomorrow if I hope to be in pole position. I have a lot of competition.”

“You got this. I believe in you.” She said as I smiled giving her a soft kiss.

“A lot of people are relying on me and I don’t want to let them down.” I said as she nodded her head.

“I’ve been there. It’s not easy having that many people needing you to succeed.” I nodded my head at her statement as I turned my body to cuddle more into her.

I was asleep not long after that moment. It felt nice to fall asleep in her arms. I don’t think I have ever felt as comfortable as when I get to do that. When I woke up, I was alone in my bed as I checked my phone. I had a text from Alex telling me she needed to get back to her teammates which I understood.

I got ready for the day as I departed my hotel with some of my team members. My main technician, Austin was explaining the changes they are debating for the car. The car I have is not as good as the car they have given Lewis, but I understand its because they are more worried about Lewis winning than me. Which is why it’s important for me to take pole position today.

It didn’t take long for us to get to the track and find my spot. I smiled as I got changed and made my way to my car. I climbed in and got myself ready to go out onto the track for qualifying. I did some last-minute checks before driving out. Qualifying seemed to fly by as I pulled into the pit lane to be pulled into the garage.

“Well done (Y/N). Pole position in your first ever qualifying. Something to be proud of.” Austin said to me as I grinned at him. I glanced at the overhead screen and saw that I had taken first with Lewis and Charles both behind me.

“I haven’t won anything yet.” I replied earning a head nod from the man. I went to go take care of myself getting changed back into regular clothes and cleaning myself up. I stopped to talk to Lewis and Charles and some reports before going to find my family.

“Well done.” Pinoe said as I stepped into the lounge that they were allowed into. I was engulfed into a hug by my parents who both squeezed me tight.

“How are you feeling? You look tired.” Ma asked me as I smiled.

“I’m exhausted but I am so happy. Hopefully, I’ve done everything I can for tomorrow.”

“You got this. Also, you didn’t look like you were going so fast, but then I looked out the window and saw how fast you were going.” Kelley said as I smiled.

“It’s a rush.” I said as she nodded her head at me. My eyes then found Alex who was sitting next to Allie. She had a soft smile on her face as I smiled back at her. I wanted nothing more than to pull her into my arms but there were too many people around.

The rest of the day was more relaxed as I spent it with my family and friends. We went to dinner and hung out before I retreated back to my hotel room. It wasn’t long before someone was knocking on the door. I smiled knowing the only person it could be was Alex.

“I am so proud of you.” She said after pulling me in for a kiss. I had already closed the door behind her as I picked her up and carried her to the bed.

“I can’t believe I took pole position.” I said with a giddy smile on my face.

“I told you that you would.”

“I know but still…” I said as she smiled. We spent almost the entire night together before she had to leave again. I needed sleep for the race and her friends would come looking for her soon.

The next day I got up and I could already feel the nerves. This is it. My first race. I went through my pre-race rituals before it was finally time. I drove out on to the track and got into position. My team was doing last minute checks as I waited for the race to start.

“Now, it’s most likely that Lewis is going to box first.” Austin said as I shook my head.

“I should be boxing first.” I mumbled as he shot me a look. I was the rookie there was no way that they were going to box me first.

Everyone left the track as we got ready to start. We went through the formation lap before finally being set to go. I bit my lip in anticipation as I waited for the lights to go.

Once they went, I took off trying to put some distance between me and the boys behind me. The first corner was hell as I made my way around it. I came inches from hitting Lewis as I finally made it out in first. Over the next few laps, it was me fighting to put as much distance between Lewis and I considering he was going into the pits first.

One of the reasons I am so exciting to watch is how I race; I take the risks that other drivers wouldn’t dare to take. It’s one of the reasons my parents aren’t huge fans of my racing. I was told by my team that Lewis was pitting as I gritted my teeth just a little. I needed to win so I could prove that I am the driver they should be supporting more. Once he was done, they told me to box as I made my way around the track again. I pulled into the pits getting down to the regulated speed. They moved quickly as I was already making my way out of the pits. Once out of them, I radioed in to see what place I was in.

“Still in P1, there is a 2 second gap between you and Lewis.” I smirked to myself knowing he was probably bugged over that.

The rest of the race continued to be a dogfight almost as I entered the last lap. There was a 5 second gap between Lewis and I and there was no way I was letting him get in front of me. I couldn’t help but feel my eyes water as I crossed the finish line. It was official I had taken P1 and was now in the lead for the drivers championship.

I pulled into the pits and stopped my car as I climbed out. I stood on top of my car for a moment as I threw my arms up in the sky. Afterwards, I ran to my team. I celebrated with them knowing I couldn’t have done it without them. I took my helmet off as I looked around trying to hold back tears. I was pulled over for an interview as I smiled brightly. After that, I hugged Lewis and Charles as we headed back into the waiting room as I called it.

“Congratulations.” Lewis said as I grinned brightly at the man.

“Thank you, Lewis.”

After that we got to head to the podium as I was handed my trophy, we then did the champagne before finally being allowed to leave. I went out in search of my family as I was tackled into a hug by all of them.

“Holy shit!” ma said excitedly as I grinned at her. “That was incredible. I am so proud of you.”

“We are so proud of you.” My mom said as I smiled so softly. “I was terrified the whole time.”

“I know, but I won.” I said holding up the trophy. I continued accepting hugs from everyone as I finally got to Alex. She hugged me as I held onto her tightly.

“Congrats baby.” She said quietly in my ear as I smiled at her.

“Thank you.” She winked at me before we all went out for celebrations. I had to stop to talk to Toto before we left. He had told me that collectively they were all proud of me. That maybe things will be different in the future if I can continue putting out results like that.

Over the next few months, that is exactly what I did. I took home P1 in Bahrain, China, Spain, Canada, France, England, Italy, and Russia. I’ve taken P2 in Azerbaijan, Austria, Germany, Hungary, and Belgium. I took P3 in Monaco and Singapore. I currently have 322 points. I am exactly 58 points from winning the title for the season. That means I only need to win three out of the five races that are coming up.

Up next, we have the Japanese Grand Prix and I am extremely nervous over it. This is one of the most dangerous tracks to drive on. It always has shit weather and so accidents are more likely to occur. One of the last major incidents in Formula 1 was when Jules Bianchi collided with a recovery vehicle. He died almost a year later.

I tried not think about that as I made my way through the lobby of my hotel. I was heading back to my room because some of my parents’ teammates were here to watch the race. They had also come out to support me, but Alex was going to come see me soon, so I was excited to go see her.

Things have been weird between us because I know she wants to tell people about us, and I do too….I just don’t want my parents to flip out. I love Alex though. She makes me extremely happy and I know she is the person I am meant to be with. I just don’t know that I am ready for them to know about that part of my life.

Alex POV Switch

I sighed to myself as I listened to Kelley talk about the games that we would be playing soon. It’s not that I wasn’t interested but I had other things on my mind. Like, my girlfriend is too afraid to tell her parents that we are dating so now every conversation I have with them just feels awkward. Everyone on the team found out I am dating someone, but they don’t know who. They have been breathing down my neck to try to find out, but I have managed to keep it a secret.

“You know I am starting to feel like you’re not actually listening.” Kelley said earning smiles from everyone around us.

“I’m sorry I just have a lot on my mind.” I said as she nodded her head.

“Everything good?” Ash asked me as I stared at her. I hate this.

“Yeah I just am thinking about stuff with my family.” I lied as they all nodded their heads. It wasn’t long after that we got to the hotel. Most of us were exhausted from the flight over so we went straight to our rooms. I was rooming with (Y/N), but they didn’t know that. I got my room key from the desk before heading to the room.

I walked in and saw her stuff around the room. I smiled setting my stuff down as the bathroom door opened. I turned and smiled when she stopped and looked up at me.

“I’m not gonna lie my heart dropped a little.” She said as I crossed the room pulling her in for a kiss.

We stood for a moment before moving to sit on the bed. She pulled me into her arms as she ran her fingers up and down my back.

“I missed you so much.” She admitted as I smiled. I am fortunate to play in Orlando with her parents so when she visits them, I can see her, but it’s not super easy.

“I missed you too.” I said looking at her with soft eyes. “Are you excited to race this weekend?”

“I’m nervous. The Suzuka circuit is no joke.”

“You got it. I have full faith in you. It’s three races that you need right?”

“Yeah.” She nodded as I admired her face and the way her features moved with each passing thought she had.

“Was the flight over bad?” she asked a moment later as I shook my head.

“No, I slept for most of it.” I said as she nodded her head. After laying with each other for a few more minutes, we both got ready for the dinner we were supposed to go to later.

The night passed pretty quickly. We were able to keep everything on the down low which was good. She spent most of dinner talking with everyone about the race.

“So, if you win this race and the next two races then you win the championship?” Kelley asked as she nodded her head.

“Yes. I would have enough points that Lewis and the others wouldn’t be able to catch up to me.” She said as everyone nodded.

“So, winning should be easy for you…” Ash said earning a grin from my girlfriend.

“I’m definitely going to give it my best shot.” She said as everyone laughed.

After dinner, we headed back to the room where we got to really enjoy each other’s company. Staying up too late wasn’t an option due to her having qualifiers the next day. We had gone to the track and were watching in the little lounge that they had set up for us. There are definitely some benefits to not only being VIPs but part of a driver’s family.

“She seems like she gets better every race.”

“Yeah it does nothing for my anxiety.” Ali said as Ash bit her lip anxiously when (Y/N) went into a corner too late. By the end of the race, (Y/N) was starting in fourth so I knew she definitely wasn’t going to be happy. When she came into the lounge afterwards, I could see the exhaustion on her face.

“You did good kid.” Kyle joked as she frowned at him.

“I’m in fourth.” She said with a slight scowl. “I’m gonna have to dogfight my way to the top tomorrow.”

“You can do it.” Kelley said as she sat down putting her face in her hands. Her shoulders were tense, and I wanted nothing more than to her go over to her and give her some comfort, but I knew it would only make things worse.

Once we were back at the hotel, I made my way to the room where I found her laying down. I smiled a little walking over and laying next to her.

“It’s okay. You can still win tomorrow.” I said softly as she scoffed.

“I’m in fourth Alex. Lewis, Charles, and Sebastian would have to royally fuck up for me to overtake them. I just know that Toto is going to give the edge to Lewis to, so I am just fucked.”

“Hey…relax…” I said as she shook her head. I sighed as she stood and started pacing. “Why don’t we talk about something else?”

“Like what?” she asked as I stared at her for a moment.

“How about telling your parents we are together?” She stopped and stared at me. Her eyes were tired as she came over and sat down.

“I’m not ready to tell them.” She said as I sighed.

“(Y/N) its been like almost a year…”

“I just don’t want them in this part of my life yet. I thought you understood that.” She said as I stared at her with disbelief.

“I have been the most understanding person. I have let it go for months but this is so tiring. Having to hide and be so secretive when I want nothing more than to everyone about how much I love you.”

“I love you too.” She said quietly “I’m just…I don’t want them to know yet.”

“I can’t keep doing this.” I said standing up from the bed as she gave me a shocked expression.

“I don’t like those words.” She said as I nodded my head.

“Yeah me neither…but I mean them. I hate ultimatums but I feel like that’s the only way to get you to understand that I am serious.” I said crossing my arms as she shook her head.

“Alex…” she said approaching me. “Don’t throw our relationship away because of this.”

“At least then you don’t have a relationship to hide from them.” I said out of frustration as she bit her lip staring at me.

“Don’t. Please…” she said as I shook my head again.

“I’m gonna give you some space.” I said walking over and grabbing some stuff before leaving the room. I made my way to Kelley’s room as the defender allowed me into her room.

“What’s wrong?” she asked as I wiped away some tears.

“I think I just became single…” I said as the defender wrapped me into a hug.

That night was probably the worst sleep I have got in a while. The next day already felt terrible as it was heavily raining. I was able to borrow some of Kelley’s clothes as we met up with everyone.

“Where’s (Y/N)?” Tobin asked as she looked around for the driver. My heart clenched at the mention of her name.

“She had to go to the circuit. We are going right now too. The rain is going to be terrible to drive in.” Ali said as we left the hotel. The circuit was packed with people as we made our way to the lounge. We were offered to go sit in the garage, but the rain was going to be terrible, so we opted to stay in the lounge.

We sat talking with each other until the race started. I was hoping it would fly by so I could go talk to (Y/N). I regretted leaving things so badly between us especially since today was so important for her.

The race started not long after and it was around the 34th lap that she was able to overtake Lewis and take P1. Things seemed to be going well until they weren’t. In the 46th lap, while going into one of the corners. Something seemed to happen to her car as she didn’t slow down and plowed right into one of the barriers. Her car flipped up and slammed down upside down.

“oh my god!” Kyle yelled as Ash stood. Ali’s hands flew to her mouth as I felt my heart drop.

“That is not looking good at all for driver (Y/N) Harris. Members of the crew scrambling to get to her. The safety car now being deployed as the worry sets in for the Mercedes driver.” We all sat in absolute silence as we waited to see if she was okay.

“It does not appear like Harris is moving at all.” The commentator said as the crew members were able to lift the car enough to get her out. Everyone let out breaths of relief when she was pulled up by one of the crew members. She was moving around just a little. She seemed to be walking in the direction of her garage.

I was the first to stand running out of the lounge in the direction of the garage. I could hear footsteps behind me as I assumed Ash and them were behind me. I got to the garage in time to see her throw her helmet to the other side of the room. Some of the medics appeared to be trying to help her as I beelined it right for her. Her eyes found me as she stopped and opened her arms. I walked right into her wrapping my self around her as much as I could. She winced a little which made me feel guilty, but I needed to know she was okay. Her eyebrow was bleeding so I knew she needed to get check out.

“I’m alright.” She said as I buried my face into her neck. “It’s okay love...I’m okay.”

“I swear to god…” I mumbled with tears in my eyes as I pulled away to look at her. Without thinking, I kissed her needing to feel her close to me. She kissed me back before pulling away. “Let them look at you.”

“I will.” She conceded as I moved to the side a little so the medic could look at her.

While they were assessing her, I turned towards Ash and them who had variations of anger and concern on their faces. I walked towards them with hesitation.

“Okay. Wait…” I said as Ash raised an eyebrow at me.

“Wait? You’re dating my kid? Are you joking?” she asked as I looked down.

“Yes I am. I am dating (Y/N). We’ve been dating for almost a year. I love her and nothing you say is going to change that.”

“Excuse me?” she said as I stared at her.

“Guys this is not the place.” Ali said taking note of all the cameras around. “We will talk later.”

I nodded turning back to see the medic still assessing (Y/N). They decided to take her to just look at some other things. We were told to head back to the lounge while we waited for her. It was completely awkward as we all sat there not speaking waiting for her to join us.

“I know.” I turned to see my girlfriend walk in talking to Austen. “You don’t need to tell me that. I just need it fixed. I trust you.”

He nodded his head before leaving the room. She turned towards us with a small smile. Her right side of her face was bruised a little as her eyebrow had been bandaged.

“I’m cleared. Just some bruises and stuff.” She said as we nodded. She came over to where I was sitting next to me.

“Okay. First of all, I am glad you’re okay. I would’ve killed you if you weren’t. Secondly, explain.” Ali said looking between us. (Y/N) sighed looking at me and then back at her parents.

“I am dating Alex. I have been for a while. I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you inserting yourself or anything. I am sorry I didn’t tell you. I asked her not to tell you because I wasn’t ready for you to know.” She said as they stared at her.

“I don’t understand what your issue is with being honest with us.” Ash said crossing her arms. My girlfriend shrugged as she looked at the screen. The race was coming to a close as Sebastian was taking first place. For the most part, (Y/N) was still in position to win the championship but I could see the disappointment on her face.

“You’ll win the next one.” I said softly as she looked at me. She smiled leaning in to give me a kiss.

“I love you.” She said as I smiled.

“I love you too. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I deserved it. The world deserves to know how much I love you.” She said earning a small grin from me. I gave her another kiss as we seemed to get lost in each other.

“Okay that’s cute.” Kyle said looking at us. Ash and Ali both glared at him as he smiled at me. “You can’t deny that. Isn’t her happiness what matters?”

“Of course, but Alex is our teammate.” Ash complained

“Alex is only two years older than her.” Kelley commented as I nodded my head.

“Fine. If you break her heart, I’ll kill you.” Ash said as Ali nodded her head. I smiled and nodded my head.

“I wouldn’t dream of it.” I turned towards my girlfriend with a smile. “I love her too much.”

“I love you too.” She said giving me a kiss before Ash yelled at her to stop.

“We are still your parents.” She said with a disgusted expression.

“Yeah…okay leave me alone. I’m injured.” She said as I laughed softly at her.

They all continued arguing as I enjoyed the moment. Everyone knows now which means we don’t have to sneak around anymore. I’ll be interested to see how everything goes for us moving forward, but I know that as long as we continue to have each other nothing could break us.

The End.

[tabloidtoc]

Star, November 30

You can buy a copy of this issue for your very own at my eBay store: https://www.ebay.com/str/bradentonbooks

Cover: Kelly Clarkson getting married again 

Page 1: As Britons marked Remembrance Day Prince Harry and Meghan Markle arrived at Los Angeles National Cemetery to pay their respects and lay flowers from the garden at their new $14.6 million spread in Montecito but the controversial couple almost immediately came under fire for yet another misstep -- their biggest gaffe was hiring celebrity fashion photographer Lee Morgan to snap their supposedly private visit -- the visit comes on the heels of a report that Harry requested and was refused that a wreath in his name be laid at London’s Cenotaph during a royal ceremony that day so while the visit to the cemetery in L.A. was meant to show respect it was also Harry’s way of telling his family that if they’re going to be petty and exclude him then he’ll do it his way 

Page 2: Contents, Miranda Lambert 

Page 4: Larsa Pippen spills the tea -- Larsa says Kanye West kept her from BFF Kim Kardashian 

Page 5: Julianne Hough came out as sexually fluid while married to Brooks Laich and now that the two have split Julianne is exploring lady love

* Speculation has been ongoing about who will take over hosting Jeopardy! after Alex Trebek passed away and one frontrunner is former champ Ken Jennings and other names in the mix include hockey announcer Alex Faust and Laura Coates of CNN

Page 6: The Bachelorette OG Trista Sutter recently revealed that producers of her televised 2003 wedding to Ryan Sutter planned to up the drama for better ratings -- admitting that a pal discovered a crew member’s notebook during the three-day festivities and showrunners had compiled dossiers on her guests in hopes of pitting them against each other

* Bodyguard Mark “Billy” Billingham has opened up about his 18 months protecting one of the most famous broods in Hollywood much to Angelina Jolie’s dismay -- he was hired by Angie and then-husband Brad Pitt to keep an eye on their six kids Maddox and Pax and Zahara and Shiloh and Knox and Vivienne and their biggest concern was the kidnapping of the kids and for Angie that fear bordered on obsession so her home is like a fortress -- she wants her kids to have a normal life but she’s also aware of the dangers out there 

* Star Spots the Stars -- Martha Stewart, Clare Crawley, Alec Baldwin, Jessica Alba, Bella Hadid, Viola Davis, Debbie Matenopoulos

Page 7: Jason Momoa shocked fans with his recent revelation that his breakout role in Game of Thrones gave him plenty of fame but no fortune -- after his character Khal Drogo was killed of in 2011 before the first season even aired he said he couldn’t get work and it’s very challenging when you have babies and you’re completely in debt; we were starving -- now of course Jason who shares two kids with wife Lisa Bonet has more than made up for those lean times but he’s not one to throw cash around

* After a single day of work Johnny Depp was axed from the third installment of the Fantastic Beasts films and he got to keep his eight-figure salary -- he was let go following a nasty defamation trial against a U.K. tabloid that called him a wife-beater -- now Mads Mikkelsen is going to be Johnny’s replacement as Grindelwald -- for his part Johnny will take the money and run and he’s panicked that this will lead to a permanent blacklist and his name is now mud in movie circles 

Page 8: Star Shots -- overjoyed by Joe Biden’s victory Chrissy Teigen and John Legend took to the streets of West Hollywood to celebrate, Duchess Camilla paid her respects to veterans during the 92nd Field of Remembrance event at Westminster Abbey which is a duty formerly fulfilled by her stepson Prince Harry

Page 9: Steve Martin cruising through Central Park on a CitiBike wearing gloves and a protective face mask, Miya Cech and Ben Daon and Keith L. Williams and Kayden Grace Swan flanked creator Daniel Knauf at the premiere of The Astronauts 

Page 10: Renee Elise Goldsberry and Sara Bareilles and Paula Pell and Busy Philipps shared a laugh shooting Girls5Eva, Offset caught up with some young fans while handing out free food from the Slutty Vegan Food Truck on Election Day in Atlanta, Caitlyn Jenner fueling up for a car-camping expedition with daughter Kendall

Page 11: Queen Latifah showed off a fresh new ‘do on the set of The Equalizer reboot in NYC, weeks after undergoing heart surgery Arnold Schwarzenegger was already behind the wheel again in L.A. 

Page 12: Bachelor alum Hannah Ann Sluss running errands in L.A., Joey Fatone nearly stole the spotlight from actress Kate Katzman on the red carpet at the screening of her new film The Comeback Trail, Francesca Farago carried a pup while posing for photos for her swimsuit line 

Page 14: MTV EMAs -- Alicia Keys, David Guetta, DJ Khaled, Zara Larsson 

Page 16: Zooey Deutch having lunch with a friend in L.A., Tracy Morgan returned to his old stomping grounds to cut the ribbon at the $30 million Marcy Houses Community Center in Brooklyn, Olivia Culpo rushed to a meeting after a coffee run in L.A. 

Page 18: Normal or Not? Ariel Winter carrying an enormous roll of bubble wrap -- not normal, Joel Michaely jumped for joy at the screening of his new film The Comeback Trail in Ft. Lauderdale -- not normal, Wanda De Jesus and Jimmy Smits enjoyed a stroll around Brentwood -- normal 

Page 19: Gretta Monahan before filming a segment on The View -- normal, Bridget Moynahan and Steve Schirippa made a grisly discovery on the set of Blue Bloods -- not normal 

Page 20: Fashion -- stars stun in silver -- Angelina Jolie, Thandie Newton

Page 21: Becky G, Elsa Hosk 

Page 24: Phil Collins and Orianne Bates are slinging mud as their split gets even nastier

Page 25: Dallas alum Patrick Duffy and Happy Days actress Linda Purl are dating

* Ben Affleck plans to spend Christmas away from his three kids in Cuba with girlfriend Ana de Armas who hasn’t seen her family in months and is desperately homesick and Ben will do anything to make her happy -- the couple then plan to celebrate the new year touring South America -- Ben’s ex-wife Jennifer Garner is not happy about his plans because she’s at full capacity after tending their kids solo while Ben was filming The Last Duel in Ireland but Ben has made up his mind 

Page 26: Cover Story -- Kelly Clarkson’s rush to the altar -- the star is healing from heartache with a hot new romance but as she tells pals she’s ready to wed again some are worried she’s moving way too fast -- pals are wondering if her mystery man could be country singer Brett Eldredge but Kelly is keeping her new guy’s identity under wraps for now

Page 29: Inside Kelly Clarkson’s ugly lawsuit -- the star is fighting in court with her former father-in-law Narvel Blackstock 

Page 38: Entertainment 

Page 48: Parting Shot -- pregnant Hilary Duff on the set of Younger in New York City 

[starstruckteacup]

Cottagecore Films (pt. 9)

Classic Disney Edition - Original Princess Trio!

Snow White and the Seven Dwarves (1937)

starring Adriana Caselotti, Lucille La Verne, Pinto Colvig, Roy Atwell, Otis Harlan, Billy Gilbert, Scotty Matraw, Eddie Collins, Harry Stockwell

A young and beautiful princess, Snow White, grows up under the threatening watch of her stepmother, the Evil Queen. One day, the Queen’s Magic Mirror tells her that she is no longer the fairest in the land, but that Snow White is. Enraged and jealous, the Queen orders her huntsman to kill Snow White, but at the last moment, he is unable to strike. Snow White flees into the woods, and soon arrives at the cozy home of the local dwarves. When the dwarves return from work, they are terrified to discover that someone has been in their house. However, when they meet Snow White, they are immediately taken by her kindness and allow her to stay. The group celebrates with dinner and a small party, but their bliss doesn’t last for long. When the dwarves leave again for work in the morning, Snow White encounters a mysterious old woman--unbeknownst to her, it’s the Evil Queen in disguise--selling apples, who cons her way into the dwarves’ home and gives Snow White a poison apple. When the dwarves find her, they believe her to be dead, and place her in a gold and glass coffin. It seems that all is lost, but true love has other plans.

I’ve seen this movie many times, and as a kid I actually really disliked it. I thought Snow White was a passive and boring character, but on this watch-through I was surprised by how poorly I interpreted her previously. Snow White is a 14 year old girl, but packs such bravery as could rival any Prince Charming. She’s still very clearly a child though, with her innocence, positivity, and unjaded outlook. She puts others’ needs before her own constantly and always finds the good in everyone. She’s still naive though, which is clear from her open interaction with the old woman/Evil Queen, despite knowing that her life was in danger if the Queen found her. After she escapes death by the huntsman’s blade, she runs panicked through the forest, with everything mutating into horrors around her, just as a young, frightened girl would. She’s immediately comforted by the animals afterward, which is reflective of how readily young people can bounce back from trauma. The Evil Queen was also a lot darker than I recall. I was terrified of her as a kid, but I’m still terrified as an adult for an entirely new set of reasons. What kind of woman tries to kill a child over beauty, then celebrates that she’ll be buried alive after eating the poison apple? That kind of coldness and brutality is absolutely horrifying, even now. She may be the most dangerous and genuinely evil Disney villain in history, and she was the very first. 7/10

Cinderella (1950)

starring Ilene Woods, Eleanor Audley, Verna Felton, Lucille Bliss, Rhoda Williams, James MacDonald

When Cinderella’s father passes away, she’s left with her vain, greedy, and cruel stepmother, Lady Tremaine, and two stepsisters, Anastasia and Drizella. She works as their scullery maid every day, until an urgent message from the King arrives. The castle will host a ball for the prince to meet an eligible maiden, and she quickly organizes the chateau and dons the dress her animal friends made for her, hoping to at least attend the ball. However, just as they are about to leave, the stepsisters destroy her dress, dashing her dreams. As she weeps, her fairy godmother appears, dressing her magnificently and creating a splendid carriage for her. She arrives at the ball, catching the undivided attention of the prince (unbeknownst to her), with whom she spends the rest of the night dancing. She nearly loses track of time as the clock tolls midnight; as she flees the castle, she drops her glass slipper, and narrowly escapes the king’s guards. The next day, the Grand Duke visits every maiden in the kingdom, trying the slipper on every one in hope of finding who it belongs to. At long last, he reaches Cinderella’s home, but the slipper breaks due to the interference of Lady Tremaine. As if by destiny, Cinderella has the other slipper, and she lives happily ever after with her Prince Charming.

There’s a reason why this is the classic Disney movie. It’s full of charm and elegance, and it’s impossible to not empathize with Cinderella. Although it’s not as apparent by the unrealistic standards we set for modern-day female characters, Cinderella is actually an incredibly rounded character, and deserves more credit than she gets. She’s a strongly but subtly witty and sassy young woman, yet is never lacking in infallible patience and kindness. She makes a variety of sly remarks to her animal friends about her situation, only to provide some levity and not become depressed and traumatized, as many of us would in her situation, but she is never harsh or cruel. She sees the world for what it is and for what it could be, and never loses hope that things will turn out well for her one day. This film has possibly the most romantic lyrical soundtrack, with “So This is Love” and “A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes” outshining almost any Disney love song to date. When you hear these songs, you fall a little in love too. This film has an impeccable focus on true love, but despite its fantasy setting it feels more real and attainable than it does on the surface. Cinderella doesn’t even know she’s dancing with the prince, but she knows she’s in love, and that’s all that matters. (Also it took me literally years of watching this movie to finally pick up that she didn’t know he was the prince, oops.) Love doesn’t have contingencies, and that’s a beautiful thing. 9/10

Sleeping Beauty (1959)

starring Mary Costa, Bill Shirley, Eleanor Audley, Verna Felton, Barbara Luddy, Barbara Jo Allen

At the infant Princess Aurora’s christening, three fairies--Flora, Fauna, and Merryweather--arrive to bless her with three magical gifts. Flora bestows upon her incredible beauty, and Fauna gifts her with a beautiful voice. Before Merryweather can share her gift, the diabolical fairy Maleficent appears, insulted that she was unwanted by the court. She curses the child to prick her finger on the spindle of a spinning wheel and die before her 16th birthday. Merryweather uses her gift to amend the curse so that Aurora will only fall into a deep sleep, to be awakened by true love’s kiss. To prevent this from happening, the three fairies hide her in the woods, where they will remain as peasants until her 16th birthday passes. On her birthday, Aurora meets a handsome stranger, whom she falls in love with. When she returns home to share the news with the fairies, they break the news that not only is she already betrothed, but that they will to the castle that very evening. Before the sun sets, however, Maleficent tricks Aurora into pricking her finger, and she falls into the deathlike slumber. The stranger in the woods, who in actuality is Prince Phillip and Aurora’s betrothed, arrives at the cottage to meet her, where he is captured by Maleficent. She takes him to the Forbidden Mountain, but he quickly breaks out and battles with Maleficent as a fearsome dragon. Felling her, he rushes to Aurora’s side. With true love’s kiss, the curse is lifted, and the entire kingdom awakens.

As the third film in the Disney Princess lineage, Sleeping Beauty shows a remarkable evolution of design and artistic prowess. Snow White and Cinderella are both stunning, but the artists in this film take the backgrounds to a new, fantastical, and ethereal realm. This world is sewn together with magic, and it really comes through in the art. The music is also far more enchanting and romantic as a whole. The instrumental scores are breathtaking and truly immerse the audience in the magic of this world. There were certainly fewer lyrical numbers in this movie, but “Once Upon a Dream” is such a wonderful love song that walks the audience through Aurora’s youthful naivety and its evolution into realistic love. In my opinion, it’s nearly incomparable to the rest of Disney’s musical repertoire as well. Without question, Prince Phillip is Disney’s greatest and most heroic prince. He’s brave, steadfast, and honorable, and shows he will go to any length for the woman he loves. What other prince fights against a demonic dragon to save someone he just met the day before? That’s right, none. There may be more well-rounded princes, especially as we get toward his more modern counterparts, but very few have shown that they are willing to risk their lives or livelihood for the wellbeing of a loved one. With Aurora, on the other hand, I think Disney could have done better. She’s actually a rather shallow character; all we know about her is that she is beautiful, melodious, and imaginative, but we don’t know anything real about her personality. We don’t know what makes her feel good or bad about anything. We briefly see her response when her dreams are dashed, but even that isn’t as thoroughly expounded upon as other princesses are. The film also doesn’t give enough credit to the distress the huge reveal of her royal lineage causes. In other films, the princesses have real, gut-wrenching reactions to serious situations that are thrown their way, but Aurora isn’t given that depth. This may be one of my favorite movies, but it doesn’t quite hold up to many other Disney films. Also Maleficent is the best villain of all, and no I won’t take any criticisms. 7/10

Part One // Part Two // Part Three // Part Four // Part Five // Part Six // Part Seven // Part Eight

[theacerbicprince]

Answering Harry Potter Tag Questions

So my darling @xweofmanyfaces answered this in video form but I don’t do videos because I don’t know how to edit and stuff. Really, all I can do is type and prance so I’m going to type out my answers to these questions. It may be long, I apologise in advance. If there are any other questions you’d like to ask me that I haven’t answered then let me know. 

What house are you in?

I am a Gryffindor which surprised me initially but if I think about it makes a lot of sense because I am very loyal to the people I care about and I don’t think I’m brave but I know people who would disagree with me just based on the challenges in my life. 

What is your Patronus?

My patronus is a white stallion according to pottermore. I read up on what it meant on the lexicon and it was amazing how similar it was to me. 

What is your wand?

My wand, as on pottermore, is Pear wood with phoenix tail feather, 13 and 3 quarter inches, slightly yielding flexibility. According to pottermore, there has never been a recorded instance of a pear wood in possession of a dark witch or wizard. 

Favorite book?

I liked the Deathly Hallows because it gave us so much and it wasn’t as badly paced as some of the other books were and it moved me emotionally, very much so and it revealed so much of my darling boy. 

Least favorite book?

Probably the Chamber of Secrets if I’m honest. 

Favorite movie?

From an aesthetic point of view, the Half Blood Prince. Overall favourite movie in terms of soundtrack is the Deathly Hallows Part 2 but overall, tying everything together would probably have to go to Order of the Phoenix. I live for Imelda Staunton in that movie and ugh, just that bit where Alan manages to inject that much snark and sass and condescension into the one word ‘obviously’. 

Least favorite movie?

Goblet of Fire, I think a lot of people might agree with me on that one, it’s not universally that well received. 

Is there a movie you preferred over the book?

The Chamber of Secrets movie is better than the book for me. I actually feel very emotional about the ending of that movie probably because of Chris Columbus to be honest and some of the shots are amazing and the music too, John Williams excellent. 

Favorite quote?

I love this so, so fucking much. 

“It is good to see that six years of magical education haven’t been wasted on you Potter; ghosts are transparent.” 

Favorite character?

Severus without a shadow of a doubt. He’s my boy even when he’s being a total jackass and he just brings so much joy to me because he makes me laugh so much. 

Least favorite character?

Ron. I hate getting on the ship in that sense but yeah, I don’t like Ron as a character although a lot of that comes from the fact that I just don’t see him ending up with someone like Hermione. This does not mean I don’t want to write with Ron because Molly loves all of her children regardless of their flaws but I don’t personally like him. I like him even less in the movies because they took away some of his kinder, more human moments and he was like 95% jackass. 

Favorite professor?

Minerva is an absolute boss, always, that never changes. She teaches the kids so much and she’s so supportive but at the same time she doesn’t take any shit. I will always have to defer to my home boy though because he’s an amazing teacher even though he is a giant asshole about it. He is multi talented because he can teach more than the one subject and he can teach them well. He fully understands his subjects and he takes them both so seriously, more seriously than his other professors I would say. He doesn’t express it the right way but he cares a lot about the welfare of the students. There’s a reason he loses his shit when Neville fucks up so badly at Potions that Severus is practically apoplectic, because the boy is dangerous and he doesn’t want to be responsible for a death or severe disfigurement. 

Favorite villan?

Bellatrix Lestrange. She’s a great villain in that she is so unstable and you don’t know what she’s going to be doing next really. She is the sort of villain where you are constantly on edge around her and we actually get to see her in action properly and we get a full, real sense of why she’s so terrifying. A lot of that was missing as far as it went for Voldemort because we didn’t get to see much of him or how he earned his reputation. 

Favorite weasley?

Molly, she is my girl but she is also super strong, super loving and she has dealt with so much in her life and so deals with it all with barely any complaint. She is so giving to everyone, she takes everyone in and is so welcoming and approachable and it’s not something that she thinks about doing, it’s just natural to her. 

Favorite marauder?

Remus because he isn’t a giant douche. Remus is also the one that seems more understandable to me. I think we’ve all been there at one point or another where we have seen an injustice and we have to decide what we are going to about it. He didn’t actually want to kill anyone, he didn’t take a savage delight or really any delight in what was going on and he’s apologetic about it. He doesn’t come up with excuses for his actions or lack of actions, he accepts the responsibility of what he’s done. 

Are there any characters you felt differently about in the movies versus the books?

Gilderoy Lockhart and that is just because Kenneth Branagh is just amazing, he is a stunning actor and I admire him greatly as a professional and he made Lockhart far more likeable.I actually enjoyed watching him in the movie whereas I hated reading him in the books. 

Which character do you think you’d have the closest relationship with?

Probably Molly if I’m being honest, we are quite similar in some senses. Severus would struggle to tolerate me but I think he still would put up with me. 

Which class would be your favorite?

I am a huge history fan so yeah, History of Magic would probably be quite high up on my list. I think I’d like DADA too, combat you know. 

What would your boggart be?

My daughter (from my dreams) desperately wanting my attention because she needs me but I’m too out of it to be able to help her, my darling Penny with my health conditions. Oddly specific I know but it is a massive fear. 

What position would you play in Quiddich?

Seeker probably, I have good eyesight and good hearing too. 

Would you be a pure-blood, half-blood or muggle born?

I would be half blood, just makes sense for me. My mother is Scottish and my father is English so it makes sense that I’d be half and half magically. 

What job would you want to have after leaving Hogwarts?

It really depends on what my specialisation would be to be honest. I might teach for a while, I really enjoyed being a tutor (which was my job up until September last year). 

Which of the Deathly Hallows would you choose?

The invisibility cloak. I don’t need great power in my life and my loved ones would drive me insane because I would want to see them so often, to touch them and I couldn’t. The invisibility cloak is remarkably useful. 

Which spell would be the most useful to learn?

A healing spell of some sort, always useful. 

Do you have any unpopular opinions about the series?

MY HOME BOY IS A GOOD MAN! It is not creepy that he was in love with Lily for that whole length of time. Stop having a go at my man, he’s not a creeper. 

Either or/if, would you rather:

Wash Snape’s hair, or listen to Lockhart ranting about himself for a day?

Do you even have to ask that question? I would massage that scalp aaaall day.   

Duel an elated Bellatrix, or an angry Molly?

Angry Molly would be terrifying but an elated Bellatrix is guaranteed to torture me to the point that I am desperately crying out to die. 

Travel to Hogwarts via Hogwarts Express, or a flying car?

Hogwarts Express, you can get up and walk around the train, stretch the legs which is good for me because of my nerve damage and pains in my hips etc. 

Kiss Voldemort or give Umbridge a bubble bath?

Kiss Voldemort, I do not want to see Umbridge naked. 

Ride a Hippogriff or ride a Firebolt?

Probably the Hippogriff, I think it’d be far more comfortable and I could actually talk to the Hipprogriff and not feel like a lunatic. Who talks to their broomstick eh?

Hallows Or Horcruxes?

The horcruxes are a fascinating and interesting concept especially when you look into the whole process and splitting the soul. Is the soul split every time that you kill? 

If you could own one of the three Hallows, which one would it be and why?

Invisibility cloak, this was addressed earlier. 

If you could bring one character back to life, who would it be?

This motherfucking question right here. I’ve been thinking about this question for hours, honest to Lords hours. You’d think I would want to bring Severus back to life but there is one person in particular who comes to mind because it’s just so tragic and I would want to change it so badly and that is Tonks. I want Teddy to grow up with his mother and Andromeda to not have to deal with the loss of her daughter as well as her husband. 

[willandkatealways]

Taken

A/N This is a different kind of Will and Kate fanfic I hope y'all like it.

Kate opened her eyes in the darkness, she had to be strong if she was going to get out of this mess. She knew they would kill her but would wait for the right time so she had to believe there was time. It looked like a warehouse of some kind. Her heart broke for her family. William would be heartbroken and she couldn't bear to think of the children. How long would it be before they killed her?

5 hours earlier

William woke up with Kate curled into him, they both had busy schedules today but these quiet moments made it worth it.

"Good morning sweetheart." He heard her soft whisper.

"Another busy day, should be done by the time the kids are out of school." Will said covering her face with kisses.

Kate sighed as she heard Charlotte running in, "Maybe to tonight." She whispered, "Lottie what have we said about knocking sweetheart?"

"I have to knock and wait to be invited in. But this was important mummy!" Charlotte exclaimed climbing onto the bed.

William chuckled, "Well what is the emergency?" He said tussling her bedhead.

"I'm hungry!" She said rubbing her tummy.

Kate smiled, "Well that is emergency! Are your brothers awake?"

Charlotte giggled as her daddy swung her into his arms, "George is playing in his room and Louis is talking to himself. He's silly."

William heard Maria calling for Charlotte, "Maria shes in here!"

Maria helped with the kids as Kate fixed a quick breakfast, she knew people would be shocked to know that she fixed her children breakfast and fixed lunches.

"You are visiting the children's hospital today correct?" Kate nodded at William as she spooned oatmeal to give Louis.

Maria was faking the children to school this morning so Kate made sure to get hugs and kisses before her team would be here to get her ready. "I love you both! Have fun today and learn lots!"

William finished feeding Louis while Kate got ready. "Just you and me kid." Louis was such a happy baby, he rarely fussed unless he had a dirty diaper but William felt that showed good sense. "Mummy is planning your first birthday, you will get cake and maybe a few presents."

He looked up when Kate walked in, she was wearing a blue overcoat with black heels and a matching hat band. "Louis isn't mummy beautiful?"

Louis looked at her and smiled his baby grin, "mamama"

Kate smiled, "thank you my handsome boys. I have to scoot but give me a kiss. I love you." She said kissing Louis head. She turned to William, "and I love you." She pressed her lips to William's, "I won't be late."

Present

William was outraged, his wife, his Kate had been taken. He would never forget the look on his protection officers face "Repeat." The man had said, his face pale and then those words, "Confirm the swan has been abducted."

William had lunged at the man, screaming at him, no matter that they were in an engagement. "Where is my wife? Where is she?"

And they hadn't known, they had taken him from the engagement and now he was on his way to Buckingham palace for his safety which he thought was crazy, they should be out finding her not worrying whether he stubbed his toe. "My children? Where are they?"

"They have been picked up and are on their way to the palace as well, they do not know."

William nodded and closed his eyes, where was she? Was she scared? If they hurt her, he trailed off he couldn't think that way.

He saw Charlotte talking a mile a minute in his father's lap, George was telling Harry about a spider at school. They were so blissfully unaware. He had to be to be strong for them, he looked around for Louis but didn't see him. "Where is Louis?" Fear clutched at him, what if he had been taken as well, then he saw Megan holding a smiling Louis, "Thank God" he murmured.

Charles forced a smile at his eldest son, "Glad you could join us son, Camillia why dont you take the children outside to play a spell?" He continued smiling as William hugged and kissed his children and ushered them out.

The second all three were out of earshot William exploded, "Where is she? I have to find her, I dont have time to sit around here!"

"Son, I know you are frustrated and upset but we have good men looking for her. You know you have to stay here." Charles tried to explain.

In his 36 years he had never come so close to hitting his father, "You cannot expect me to sit here! She needs me! She could be scared or hurt...or...no I will not lose her!" He felt Harry grab his arm and he shook it off. "Fine, if you won't help me, I will find her myself!"

He hadn't seen his grandmother and the Prime Minister walk in, "William please hear us out and then we will discuss the next steps."

Meanwhile, across town, "She is a pretty woman." The man named Rick ran his hand down her cheek, he took off the gag over mouth.

"What do you want?" She winced at how dry and sore her throat was, she had lost track of how long she had been in the dark warehouse.

"If we had time, a piece of you but we already sent your ring to the Prime Minister, do you think they know you are gone?" He seemed to enjoy taunting her, obviously he was the ringleader. So far she had counted only three men, they hadn't blind folded her, she knew they figured she would be dead before she could identify them.

Her wrists were raw from her trying to free them, "I know they know I am gone as do you." She had seen the news when they had showed her of William being led out of his engagement early, he had his public face on but she had seen the fear in his eyes.

"As soon as they give me what I want I will let you go." He said with a sneer.

"No you won't, you didn't blindfold me so you are planning to kill me. If and when you do, William will make sure you never breathe again." He grabbed her breast and she spat in his face. He slapped her and she tasted blood. She didn't react that's what they wanted.

She had to control her temper and figure out a way out of this mess.

William sat down as his grandmother did, then Teresa May handed him an envelope, "This was sent to me today, there is no way to know who it is from."

He gasped as he touched the ring, the blue sapphire sparkled, he clutched it as he opened the note.

"By now you know that we have the Duchess of Cambridge, give us what we want and she will not be harmed. Release Angus McCoy and she will be retuned. If not she dies."

"Who is Angus McCoy?" William asked, "Wait he was responsible for that bombing a few months back?" Teresa nodded.

William couldn't hear anymore, he didn't want to hear how England does not negotiate with terrorists.

He got up and began pacing, "Do you know where she is? It's been hours."

Elizabeth nodded, "Yes, we have been able to pinpoint her location. Catherine's phone has a GPS tracker, apparently they took it and turned it off but now it's been turned back on. This is most likely a trap but an MI-6 team will go in and see what they can do."

William shot up, "I am going with them Granny, you cannot keep me here!"

Charles started to argue but Elizabeth shook her head, "Very well but you will abide by these rules. You will go in capacity of the pilot, you will not leave that helicopter for any reason. You must remember that other lives are at stake. I have told Captain Simpson that he is in charge and if you do not stay or try to argue he has my permission to handcuff you to the helicopter."

He looked from his grandmother to his father, he had forgotten Harry and Megan were in the room. "I understand, let me say goodbye to the children and I will be ready."

As William went into the garden, Charles turned to his mother, "Are you sure about this? What if he is captured?"

"If something happens to her, he will never forgive himself, he is a grown man and I have a feeling he will do as he's been told. He doesn't have to actually rescue her, but he needs to feel hes done something. " Honestly she wondered if it was a wise decision but Philip had convinced her.

William stood a moment watching them play, he walked to where Louis was crawling on a blanket. Louis looked so much like Kate it took his breath away. Since Louis was only a baby he could be honest. "Sweet boy, mummy is in danger but I am going to get her back. We need her don't we? I just cannot do this alone. I love you pumpkin." He kissed his cheek and gave him a cuddle. "Georgie, Lottie come here please."

"Daddy has to go on a quick trip in the helicopter but I will be back as soon as I can. Be good and help Maria with Louis." He said hugging them both tight.

George looked around, "Where is mummy? She said she would be here when we got home from school."

William hated lying, but he didn't want George to worry. "She was delayed, but she sends her love and will be home soon."

Across town, Catherine lay her phone down, a while ago she had gotten her hands free. They had left her phone out, so she had turned it on knowing the GPS would work. She hoped it was on long enough to get help and then turned it back off. She hadn't dare try to call. She put her hands behind her back as she heard footsteps down the hall. Please God let someone find me, she prayed.

The chopper was ready, William met the team and jumped in the pilot seat. The coordinates showed a warehouse still inside London city limits.

Andrew Simpson watched him, he was there with two more teammates, not a large number but if there Intel was right it was all they needed. He hoped Catherine could hold her own and not go to pieces. "Your highness" he began but was cut off by "You are going to save my wife's life please call me Will."

"Very well, Will tell me about your children? Trust me, right now you are paralyzed in fear for your wife but trust me talking about your children helps." Andrew Simpson had been through similar situations in war.

William nodded and cleared his throat, "My little girl, Lottie, people always say there's a bond between fathers and daughters and I never knew how right they were until we had her. She is our little darling, but dont let her fool you mischievous is her middle name. She is a little mother to Louis, loves to see what he is up to and help Kate with him." He was surprised to feel himself relaxing. "Louis is my baby, he is the happiest boy in the world. He looks so much like Kate. George boy he is a scamp, he really keeps us on our toes has since he was born really tests the limits sometimes but you won't find a bigger heart." He became lost in thought thinking of them, of George bringing home baby animals he swore were lost or hurt and needed care.

As they got close, Captain Andrew Simpson asked him to stay and he nodded as he landed near the warehouse. He had a weapon and knew how to shoot. "If you have a gun give it to her, she is skilled at shooting."

He watched as the team ran towards the warehouse. It killed him to stay but he knew he would be more of a hindrance than a help. Please God she has to be okay.

Catherine heard the gunshots, she tried to get a low as she could. She prayed someone was coming. Rick grabbed her by the hair and yanked her back holding a gun to her head. "I will blow your brains out princess." He sneered.

There was a pop and he fell, she looked in horror as blood poured around him. "Your highness, I am Captain Andrew Simpson, let's get out of here. Will said you could shoot, please carry this. Anything happens keep running when you get outside you'll hear the chopper run to it."

Kate nodded and grabbed her phone, she didn't want it to fall into the wrong hands.

The chopper was in the parking lot next door and she saw with a gasp her husband sitting inside.

Will turned to look, he almost couldn't believe it, he jumped from the helicopter and ran to her, "Kate oh baby thank God you are okay!" He held her in his arms until he realized there was an audience and he needed to get her to safety.

When Catherine woke up she knew she was in the hospital, she heard the beeping from the machine next to her. She looked over and saw William on the phone. When he saw her he hung up, "Hey baby how are you? They are going to release you soon. You have been asleep over 48 hours."

While she had slept William had finally taken a moment to look at her, he saw the bruises on her face and her cut lip. Her wrists were raw and bloody, rage filled him. If the scum wasn't head he would kill him.

Now she was awake and kept watching him, "The children?" He smiled of course she was more concerned about them.

"George knows a bad man hurt you but that I and a team of soldiers rescued you. Charlotte knows you were hurt but okay. Louis is blissfully unaware of anything." Will had told the kids that morning when Pippa had come to stay with Kate.

Tears filled her eyes, "oh Billy I was so scared. I thought I would never see you and the children again." She cried clinging to him.

"I know sweetheart, I was scared too but you are safe now. I love you always." They held one another as dawn broke. The bruises would fade but together they could overcome anything.

A/N hope y'all liked it!

[0poole]

Harry Potter!

Finished rewatching all of the movies. I must confess, I am a movie plebian. I haven’t read any of the books yet. Call me when the solar flare that destroys and erases all electronics and data finally comes. I’ll probably be reading it then. Probably.

Anyways, I love what I’ve experienced of the franchise so far regardless. The whole story is so fantastical and fun, interspersed with pretty real dangers that come about through magic. That, I think, is the one thing all kinds of fiction should adhere to: If your world has weird logic, the conflict should be somehow based in that weird logic, instead of being somehow parallel to something more normal/real. That’s probably why people hate the Star Wars prequels; too much politics, not enough lightsabers. 

Seriously, though. Practically all things derived from Harry Potter are great. The movies, the music, ESPECIALLY the video games (or the first three, to be exact.) Also, the one perk of living in Florida is being able to go to the theme park. It’s nice and all seeing a made up setting presented to you on a screen, but to actually be there, walking around the world? It’s nuts. Even the Fantastic Beast series isn’t perfect, but still very alright at worst. I’m really just going to have to piece together my thoughts to organize them all.

The Movies:

They say dumbing down an experience and presenting it to an audience in a neat little package is a bad thing, but really... The movies are extremely good. I do prefer the style of the first two, where everything seemed more light and charming. Of course, it was about the third movie when Harry realized that the world wasn’t as bright and shiny as the first two years led him to believe, so it’s fair his take on things would be altered. I just wish it wasn’t so consistently, you know... dark blue and cloudy. I mean, I get that it’s England and all, but it’s fantasy.

Either way, I guess I’ll have to put all of the emotions that I probably would’ve experienced anyway if I read the books first here. The absolute best part about the series is the characters. I’ve already gushed about how Hagrid is the absolute most wholesome character in all of fiction. Another seriously good one is Mrs. McGonagall, who comes off as the serious, “do your homework!” type at the beginning, but by the end becomes a super charming and genuine person. In the last movie, her line “I’ve always wanted to use that spell!” Is so cute. I mean, you really can’t name a non-charming character in the whole series. The entire Wealsey family is insanely lovable. The Malfoys are supreme assholes at the beginning, but seem to slowly turn for the better as things get super dark. 

Obviously the major deaths are so major because of how much you loved the characters. Dumbledore was definitely the type to realize when he must die, but seeing the serious amount of respect people had for him it just makes you choke up. Dobby’s death destroys anyone with a heart, because he died swinging. Snape as a whole is such an amazing and fun character to just watch exist, despite being so dark and brooding all the time. I’m sure his death the first time around was sort of confusing, until we got to see his memories, at whichpoint you’d be dried up in your seat due to dehydration. I wasn’t exactly emotionally mature when I first saw it so I have no major memory of how I felt, although I definitely feel it now. Considering how pure the Weasley family was, Fred’s death was also super heartbreaking, mainly because the twins were nothing but joy even in the worst of times. Even the brief cut-away to Lupin’s body got you. And, that’s only in the Deathly Hallows movies... What about Sirius? Hell, even seeing Hagrid caring so much for Aragog makes you feel bad. It’s a serious testament to how good these characters are. 

The music has become so impossibly iconic too. That’s what you get when you get John Williams. I’ll tell ya, I couldn’t sing you any non-soundtrack song from the past few years of movies I watched. Sure, the music did them good I guess, but they never felt like actual songs you wanted to listen to. If you played anyone the soundtracks to the first two movies, they could identify what they’re from in the first two notes minimum. It’s so great. I’d kill to have movies do this again. I mean, you can always go for more good music. 

The Games:

The year is, I dunno... any year before like 2010. A kid’s movie comes out, and BANG there’s a game for it. “Oh, I like the movie. Maybe I’ll like the game?” No. No you won’t. That’s not how it works. If you’re lucky you’ll have some nostalgic memories from it, and hell maybe that’s the reason why I think the Harry Potter games are so damn GOOD. 

Seriously, how did this happen? The games (or, as I said, mainly the first three and that Quidditch one) are so fun on their own, regardless of the movies. I have fond memories of the first, but the Chamber of Secrets on PC is where most of my love lies. God, I’ve been listening to the music the whole time while writing this and it’s so perfectly ingrained into my mind. Like the movie, the themes are so wild and singable. Even the fucking GBA game planted its seed into my memory, despite me only getting like 10% of the way through it. It had its own soundtrack apart from the PC games too, and didn’t even try to recreate the music from them. They literally wrote new music for their shitty cashgrab game. It’s so good.

Plus, the games seem to include stuff that wasn’t even hinted at in the movies. Remember when Harry used Spongify to bounce up to different parts of the castle in the movies? Or used Skurge to remove some stray ghostly ectoplasm? No. That’s only in the games. More importantly, can we talk about Quidditch? The game, but also as a whole?

Harry Potter really made me realize that I LOVE fictional sports. Like what I said with the conflict of a fictional story, having a sport built upon the weird logic of a world is just as, if not more, interesting. Even though the rules of Quidditch are absolute BS (seems like nothing but the Snitch matters) just watching it is so fun and interesting. You’d think that brooms would exclusively be transport, but OF COURSE they’d use them for sport at some point. Toss in a few magical balls, and boom--- you’ve got something some wizards would love to watch. The verticality of the field is easily what makes it so much cooler, since it would obviously require so much more space, and to any unaware observer, just seeing the field would show that nothing normal is played there. If they ever release a movie that’s just another generic sports movie with all the expected twists and turns, except the sport in question is Quidditch, I’d watch the shit out of that.

In the meantime, we have a Qudditch video game. Again, another original soundtrack, and apparently an anthem for each world team? God, really? You did all that? Anyway, from what I remember, the game isn’t too hard, but I’ll have to find it again and try to shoot for the big leagues to see if they step it up. About the world teams, though: they’re the absolute best part. You play basically college-level Qudditch against the houses for a while, but then you see how big the game actually is around the world, not only being able to play as a worldly team, but in a worldly stadium as well. Someone had to design a stadium, style, animations... for each team. That’s nuts. 

So much effort was put into the first few Harry Potter games, it’s shocking. Sucks that, as far as I remember, they basically slowly turned into wizard FPSs after that. I kind of remember liking the fourth one a bit, but I’ll need to find it again. I lost that stupid little disc holder thing with all the nostalgia-filled games I loved on it. The day I find it is going to be one hell of a day.

The Wizarding World:

The curse of being so damn amazing is people swarming to it and ruining the experience just by overcrowding. Either way, the place was actually amazing. I’m a sucker for any real-life place that tries to mimic a very fantastical setting. That’s really the reason why I prefer Universal as a whole to Disney, since it feels much more like you’re stepping into a different world. Kind of helps to distract you from the BS prices and tourist pandering. 

I mean, There’s not much to say apart from it looking cool. The rides are good, I guess. It’s weird, when we got there my mom was like “We HAVE to try Butterbeer” and, to be honest, I’m struggling to think of an actual drink more disgusting sounding than “Butterbeer” that isn’t just insect guts or something. I’ve never had the slightest inclination to try normal beer at any point, and I can sure as hell say that suggesting that someone putting butter in it makes it so much worse. I don’t know why, butter and beer just feel like they shouldn’t go together. Hell, maybe they don’t even use butter. I know at Universal, at least, it’s not actual beer, since kids would surely want to try it, but the concept just feels really disgusting.

That rant aside, here’s the valuable knowledge: I’d have to say that I’d be a Hufflepuff. In my more Incel-ular days I thought I’d be a Ravenclaw, since they smart and all, but really I feel more of a Hufflepuff. That’s not even decided by a web quiz. I just think that I’d chose to be a background character above all else. I pretty much am, anyway. Not that that’s bad, I’m just, you know... in the background. Plus, I’m assuming they’re the more artsy of the four houses. Really, I don’t know exactly what it stands for. “Talent?” What the hell is that supposed to mean? 

[krinsbez]

Book Recommendations: Da Big List, Fiction Edition

Well, I said I’d do more book recs, so here we go...

(note that some of the series recs are out of date, with additional installments written since I previously updated the list) 

-Devil's Cape by Rob Rogers is the single best work of superhero prose I have ever read. -The Six-Gun Tarot by R. S. Belcher, in which the unusual inhabitants of a Wild West town (a sheriff who can't die, a deputy who's the son of Coyote, a housewife who used to be an assassin, and more) fight an Eldritch Abomination. Has two sequels, The Shotgun Arcana and The Queen of Swords -"Craft Sequence" series (six books and counting, starting with either Three Parts Dead or Last First Snow, depending on whether you want to read 'em in publication or chronological order, respectively), by Max Gladstone. Set in a modern-esque fantasy world that runs on corporate necromancy and "applied theocracy", the first (in publication order) involves a junior associate in a necromancy firm having to investigate the murder of the god who powers a steampunk city. -The Goblin Emperor by Katherine Addison, in which the half-goblin Unfavorite son of the Elven Emperor is unexpectedly raised to the throne after his father and half-brothers die in a zeppelin crash. -Daughter of the Sword by Steve Bein, in which a Tokyo policewoman catches a case that involves a Yakuza power struggle and a trio of magic swords, with extensive flashbacks (as in, they ultimately take up about half of the book) to the history of said swords. Has a sequel, Year of the Demon, in which the heroine goes up against a cult revolving around a mask tied to the swords. Also, more flashbacks. Now has a third sequel, Disciple of the Wind; there are also a couple of eNovellas, which I haven't read. -Eifelheim by Michael Flynn, in which a Renaissance-era village in Germany interact with a group of aliens whose ship crashed nearby. -Ancillary Justice by Ann Leckie, in which the last remnant of a space warship's AI seeks revenge on the ones who blew up the rest of her and...find out why they did it. Has two sequels, Ancillary Sword and Ancillary Mercy. -The Chinatown Death Cloud Peril by Paul Malmont, in which the creators of Doc Savage and The Shadow team-up with each other (and L. Ron Hubbard and someone else who is a minor spoiler) on an actual pulp adventure involving Nazi spies, a Chinese warlord, and something which is actually a BIG spoiler. Has a sequel, The Astounding, the Amazing, and the Unknown, in which Isaac Asimov, Robert Heinlein, and L. Sprague De Camp investigate Tesla's final invention. -Bridge of Birds by Barry Hughart, in which Master Li, a sage "with a slight flaw in his character", is hired by an immensely strong peasant named Number Ten Ox to investigate a mysterious plague afflicting his village in a "China that never was". Has two sequels, The Story of the Stone and Eight Skilled Gentlemen that are greatly inferior but still enjoyable. -The Kitty Norville books by Carrie Vaughn (15 books starting with Kitty and the Midnight Hour; the count includes a short-story collection and a side-novel starring a secondary character), about the host of a midnight radio show in Denver, who is also a newly turned werewolf. One night, instead of playing random music, she starts talking about the supernatural. Then vampires and other werewolves start calling in... -The Inspector Chen novels by Liz Williams (6 books starting with Snake Agent), about a police detective in a near future Singapore who investigates mysteries that require him to liaise with the Chinese versions of Hell and Heaven. -"Barsoom" series by Edgar Rice Burroughs (11 books, starting with A Princess of Mars): The ur-text of the Planetary Romance sub-genre, one of the definitional texts of soft SF. Rollicking adventures with epic characters in a marvelously imagined world. Long story short; a Civil War vet on the verge of death is astrally projected to not-yet-dead Mars, befriends a group of warlike natives, falls in love with the Princess of another, and turns the whole planet upside down in the name of love. Then he has kids... -"Lensman" series by E. E. "Doc" Smith (6 books; starting with either Triplanetary or Galactic Patrol, depending on your preferences): The granddaddy of all Space Operas, a triumphant example of power creep. The forces of Order and Chaos war for the fate of the universe, using the ultimate police force and an army of space pirates as proxies. -Last and First Men by Olaf Stapledon: An exploration of the future evolution of mankind. Starting in the '30s with the then-current state of the "First Men" (that is to say, Homo sapiens sapiens) until the extinction of the "Last Men" millions of years hence. Redefines epic scope. -Star-Maker by Olaf Stapledon: A companion of sorts to Last and First Men, except with with the scope turned up to eleven, covering billions of years and the entire universe. -Slan by A. E. Van Vogt: Jommy Cross is a Slan, an evolved human possessed of superior physical and mental abilities. Years ago, the Slans took over the world, but their regime was overthrown and now the Slans are hunted. When Jommy's parents are killed, he must learn to survive in a world that hates and fears him...or does it? Jampacked with twists and turns, not to mention being the archetypical "mutant hunt" novel. -Voyage of the Space Beagle by A. E. Van Vogt: The best and brightest of man's scientific minds have been sent into space to explore strange new worlds, and then figure out how to keep the life-forms they encounter from killing them. A rip-roaring tale of of space exploration, alien monsters, and an omnicompetent protagonist. Not only was it a major influence on Star Trek, one episode is the basis for Alien. -"Demon Princes" series by Jack Vance (5 books starting with The Star King): Years ago, the five most dangerous criminals in the known universe joined together to murder or enslave the inhabitants of a small colony. Now the sole survivor is hunting them down one-by-one across the galaxy... The narrative is a great combination of action and mystery, and the setting is full of all manner of interesting worlds and civilizations. -"Planet of Adventure" series by Jack Vance (4 books, starting with City of the Chasch): An Earthman crash-lands on a planet inhabited by four alien species, and the humans they've enslaved, travels the world to find a way home. A marvelous exploration of the concept of Blue-And-Orange Morality. -"Sector General" series by James White (12 books, starting with Hospital Station): Life aboard a massive, multi-species hospital space station in a deeply idealistic 'verse with one of the most diverse bunch of aliens ever devised. The first six books are mostly collections of short stories featuring medical mysteries solved by Dr. Conway (the primary exception is the second book, which is mostly a novella set against the backdrop of an interstellar war and brilliantly inverts the "Hard Man Making Hard Decisions" trope), as he goes from being a trainee to one of the hospital's elite, while the latter six are novels featuring an assortment of characters. -"Cobra" series by Timothy Zahn (9 books and counting, starting with Cobra): A multi-generational tale of super-soldiers in war and peace, with a healthy helping of interstellar diplomacy. A really interesting take on MilSF, where out-of-the-box thinking takes center stage. -"Quadrail" series by Timothy Zahn (5 books, starting with Night Train To Rigel): Frank Compton, former agent of the human government, finds himself working for the mysterious aliens who run the local 'verse's sole form of interstellar travel; a train in space called the Quadrail. Intrigue, action, and plot twists abound, including one of the best Heel Face Turns I have ever encountered. -"Stainless Steel Rat" series by Harry Harrison (11 books, starting with The Stainless Steel Rat, and one short story, which can be found in the collection Stainless Steel Visions). In a far future where mankind has spread across the stars, crime has been eliminated. Well, that's what the authorities would like you to believe; in truth there are still a small handful of individuals maladjusted enough to commit crimes and smart enough to get away with them. James Bolivar "Slippery Jim" Digriz, the Stainless Steel Rat, may be the smartest of them all, a white collar thief and con artist who's almost pathological disregard for law and authority is balanced by a surprisingly strong moral code. Which is why when he is finally caught, the authorities put him to work catching criminals who lack those morals. This is classic SF comedy, with a surprising amount of pathos at points. -"The Parasol Protectorate" series by Gail Carriger (five books, starting with Soulless). A humorous and exciting tale of love, intrigue, mad scientists, and fashion in an alternate Victorian era where the British Empire's power derives from steampunk technology, werewolf soldiers, and vampire politicians. Has a sequel series, "The Custard Protocol" (3 books and counting, starting with Prudence) revolving around the daughter of the original protagonist. Has a YA prequel spinoff, "Finishing School" (4 books, starting with Ettiquette and Espionage) revolving around a teenager who is recruited by a boarding school that trains spies. There are, in addition, a manga adaptation of the first couple books. -Ports of Call by Jack Vance. Myron Tany has always dreamed of traveling the Gaean Reach. When his eccentric aunt acquires a spaceship, it seems his dream has come true...until she ends up marooning him on random planet. Fortunately, Myron is able to obtain a position as supercargo aboard the merchant ship Glicca. The story does not really have a plot per se, consisting primarily of a series of marvelous picaresque vignettes as Myron and his crew-mates travel to different worlds delivering cargo, trying to acquire additional cargo, and periodically running afoul of bizarre local customs. The book just kinda stops at one point, and resumes in a second book, entitled Lurulu. I'm not really describing this well, but they're both very fun, beautifully written books. -The Green and the Gray by Timothy Zahn. A night on the town for a young New York couple takes a turn for the weird when they are forced, at gunpoint, to take custody of a 12-year old girl. They soon find themselves enmeshed in a secret Cold War between two alien races that have secretly been living in the city for generations...a Cold War that is threatening to turn hot. -The Rook by Daniel O'Malley. A young woman awakens surrounded by corpses with no memory of who she is. In her pocket is a letter from her pre-amnesia self, one Myfanwy Thomas. It seems that Myfanwy was a senior bureaucrat for the covert organization in charge of controlling magic and other such weirdness in Britain, and that her amnesiac state is something that was done to her. Myfanwy must therefore investigate the mystery of precisely who that is, while simultaneously do a job about which she knows nothing, without letting anyone realize what's happened to her. Ha a sequel, Stiletto, though I cannot explain the plot without spoiling the previous book. -Throne of the Crescent Moon by Saladin Ahmed. A tale in which an elderly demon-hunting cleric and his paladin assistant team-up with a shape-shifting barbarian girl and husband and wife alchemists to prevent an undead villain unleash an ancient evil, while trying not get involved between the conflict between the tyrannical ruler of their city and a gentleman thief-turned-revolutionary. Did I mention that the cleric's spells invoke the name of Allah, the paladin is a dervish, the barbarian is a Bedouin, and the whole setting draws it's cues not from Tolkien but the Arabian Nights? -"White Trash Zombie" by Diana Rowland (6 books and counting, starting with My Life As a White Trash Zombie). Angel Crawford is an unemployed high school dropout in rural Louisiana with a deadbeat dad, an asshole boyfriend, a drug habit, and no future. After one particularly wild night of drinking and drugging, she gets into a devastating car accident...and wakes up in the hospital without a scratch on her to find that an unknown benefactor has arranged for her to have a job at the Coroner's Office. Which is good because she now has a hankering for brains... -Under the Moons of Mars: New Adventures on Barsoom edited by John Joseph Adams. Exactly what is says on the tin, a collection of original stories set on Barsoom by an assortment of writers. As with any anthology, quality is a bit uneven; some of the stories are excellent Original Flavor pastiches, some are deconstructions or parodies, one or two are just bad. But all in all a great collection. -Worlds of Edgar Rice Burroughs edited by Mike Resnick and Robert T. Garcia. Same basic idea, but for the entire Burroughs oevure, including some of his non-SFnal work. -"Winter of the World" series by Michael Scott Rohan (two trilogies, the first starting with The Anvil of Ice, the second place taking place before the first and in another part of the world, and which I haven't been able to get my hands on ), an epic fantasy taking place against the backdrop of an Ice Age, in which a young man rises from slavery to become the most powerful smith-cum-magician the world has ever known, and together with some companions fights to defeat the sinister primal forces that wish to cover the world in glaciers forever. Much less generic than it sounds, even without going into the appendixes which reveal the real(ish) science behind quite a bit of the magic. -"Spiral Arm" series by Michael Flynn (4 books, starting with The January Dancer). Moderately Irish-flavored space opera, the first book tells the tale of of how a random space captain found a pre-human artifact, of the various hands said artifact passed into, and the conflicts that sprung up in it's wake. The second book turns the first's framing sequence into an epic of it's own, as a young bard hunts down the truth of her parentage. The series notably involves massive retcons with each volume, revealing that what we thought was going on was actually something else, but does so in a way that's compelling rather than irritating. -Dr. Jay Hosler is an entomologist who has written four edutational graphic novels for children (Clan Apis, The Sandwalk Adventures, Optical Allusions, and Last of the Sandwalkers). I've read three and they are amazing. In Clan Apis, a young honeybee desperately searches for her place in the hive, and ultimately finds an unorthodox solution. In The Sandwalk Adventures, an elderly Charles Darwin tries to convince a follicle mite living in his eyebrow that he's not God, by teaching him about evolution. In Last of the Sandwalkers (no relation)...honestly, the story contains so much epic awesomeness, I just want to list it, but it's all spoilers; suffice to say that the title character is A: a beetle, B: could give Sam Carter and Agatha Heterodyne a run for their money in the mad science department, and C: leads an expedition to explore the unknown and along the way discovers truths about her family and the nature of her people's civilization that some people really don't want her to (also you learn stuff about beetles). -Nightwise by R. S. Belcher. Years ago, Laytham Ballard was the Golden Boy of the occult underworld sub-culture. That was a LONG time ago, and no one would ever mistake Laytham for golden. But he's not so much of a bastard that he'll refuse the last request of one of his few remaining friends. What was supposed to be a simple revenge killing, however, turns out to be a lot more complicated and a lot more dangerous than Laytham ever imagined. Has a sequel, The Night Dahlia, which I have yet to read. -Brotherhood of the Wheel by R. S. Belcher. Jimmy Aussapile is an independent trucker, hauling cargo cross-country to support his pregnant wife and teenage daughter; he is also a member of a secret order descended from the Knights Templar that protects the highways of America from monsters both human and not. An encounter with a hitchhiking ghost finds him heading off on a quest, in which he joins forces with the heir apparent of monster-fighting outlaw biker gang who's military service unleashed some serious inner demons, and a State Trooper who's determination to solve a series of child abductions leads her to go rogue. Together, they must battle an ancient evil involving serial killers, human sacrifice, and Black-Eyed Kids. Note that it's loosely tied to Nightwise, in which Jimmy shows up in one scene as a minor side character; meanwhile, an off-hand reference to Laytham is made at one point in Brotherhood, and a minor plot thread in the later novel relates to a major plot thread in the earlier. They aren't even the same genre, with Nightwise being urban fantasy noir instead of horror. All in all, one doesn't have to have read one to enjoy the other,

[sleemo]

Star Wars: The Last Jedi Deleted Scenes: Everything We Know

— Slashfilm | Dec 20, 2017

The first cut of Star Wars: The Last Jedi was three hours and ten minutes long and writer director Rian Johnson has said they are preparing to release 20 minutes of deleted scenes on the future Blu-ray/DVD release. We have the exclusive details on a number of deleted scenes and reshoots from the latest Star Wars movie.

Read on to see what we’ve learned we’ve learned about the Star Wars: The Last Jedi deleted scenes.

Luke Skywalker’s Last Lesson To Rey

One of the biggest deleted scenes involves another lesson Luke Skywalker gives to Rey, taking place chronologically after they talk inside the cave where Luke mentions Darth Sidious. Rey notices boats arriving at the island and there appears to be a big fire from where they’re landing. Luke tells her that it is a group of bandits who regularly come back to the island to plunder and kill the caretakers. Rey is very concerned and wants to help them, but Luke tells her that if you help them now, the raiders will come back stronger and it will make things worse in the future. He asks Rey if she is always going to be here to protect them, saying that a true Jedi Knight would do nothing and would only act to maintain balance, even when people get hurt.

Rey, furious at his reasoning, ignites her lightsaber and runs really fast, a Force-powered run that we glimpsed in one of the featurettes about the making of the film (see the screenshot at the top of this article). She runs over rocks on shallow water and bursts through a door with her saber into the village square ready for battle. Luke yells for her to wait, but she doesn’t stop.

She is surprised to learn that it’s not a raiding party, but an actual party, with caretakers celebrating and swinging glow sticks. This piece of concept art from The Art of Star Wars: The Last Jedi shows what the scene looks like. The caretakers all stop and look at Rey, confused. One of the caretaker motions her her glow stick and Rey swings her lightsaber, imitating her movements, and sighs. The caretakers resume partying. Rey spots Chewbacca sitting at the party with a bunch of Porgs and R2-D2 (wearing a festive necklace). “Seriously?” Rey says to Chewie before storming out to find Luke.

Rey is mad that Luke lied to her and she confronts him. He admits that he’s sorry, but that she ran so fast and he couldn’t stop her. Rey says that she thought they were in danger and tried to do something. Luke responds, seriously this time, that that’s exactly what the resistance needs – not some old husk of a failed religion. He was again trying to teach her a lesson. Rey cries, explaining that her real friends are really dying and “that old legend of Luke Skywalker that you hate so much, I believed in it.” Luke is in shock. He realizes that he pushed her too far. Rey tells him she was wrong about believing in him and storms away.

The scene gave a further motive for Rey to want to leave the island. The caretaker party joke apparently wasn’t very funny, but the real reason the scene apparently didn’t make the final cut is that Luke ended up coming off like an even bigger asshole. Even though the basic details were approved by the Lucasfilm Story Group, it somehow didn’t feel authentic to the Jedi “code”.

Canto Bight Changes

Canto Bight had a lot of little bits cut out and some of the story was changed with reshoots, but it’s not like a substantial set piece hit the cutting room floor. Here are some examples of post-production changes to the Canto Bight sequence:

• We originally saw more creatures leaving their vehicles with valets. Creature design head Neil Scanlan told us they created upwards of 85 practical creatures for that sequence, but that we might not see them all, and some of these creatures fell victim to this cut. There were a lot of creature extras that didn’t make the film, but don’t worry – they may have been reused for Solo: A Star Wars Story.

• Originally, the film spent some more time clarifying the dynamic between Rey and Finn, and further setting up Rose’s crush on the Resistance “hero.” Rose chastises Finn for “pining for Rey,” which Finn quickly denies, claiming that he was “raised to fight” and that he finally found something to fight for in his friend, Rey. “Whatever,” responds Rose with a hint of jealousy.

• The scene where Finn looks out over the Canto Bight racetrack while Rose recounts her childhood was reshot to include the broom kid from the ending of the movie, establishing him on the field with his alien owner. In the original scene, Rose’s story of her childhood was a bit tamer and Finn shared his backstory with her, revealing a further connection between the two characters – that they both had family members taken by the First Order. Most of the sequence was reshot.

• The chase scene through the casino on the fathiers was a lot longer, including a funny sequence where they crash through a bathhouse and disrupt a practically created alien creature, who is swept up into the air and loses his bath towel. 

• While they never shot the sequence this way, the original costume tests for Finn and Rose in the sequence had them sneaking in using lavish tux and dress costumes as disguises. They decided to do away with the disguise, as they already had another moment in the film where the duo go undercover on a First Order ship.

Snoke’s Ship

On the First Order ship, there was an extra shot of Finn arranging their First Order uniform disguises on an elevator before they walk out with BB-8 in the trash can. Finn tries to flatten Rose’s hair, but it keeps curling up. A First Order officer follows them and they quickly head to another elevator. They frantically push the button to close the door, which takes forever and they nearly got caught.

Actor Tom Hardy originally had a cameo as a First Order stormtrooper in this sequence. A group of stormtroopers get in the elevator and our heroes are nervous they are going to get caught. One of the stormtroopers slowly turns to Finn and gives him a look. Finn turns around in his Imperial officer uniform and asks him what his problem is. The stormtrooper, played by Hardy with a southern accent, says “I know who you are…. FN 2187! Damn boy, I never took you for officer material!” The tension is cut by the reveal that the two grew up together, but the troopers are somehow unaware of FN’s treason. While Finn’s act of desertion is a legend in the Resistance, maybe the First Order hid that information from their army so others might not get the same idea. (This scene could be where Prince William and Prince Harry shot their cameos as stormtroopers, but we were unable to confirm.)

Later in that same sequence, after it is revealed that Benicio Del Toro’s DJ has sold out Finn and Rose, there was originally a funny exchange where Rose yells “How could you?!” To which DJ rolls his eyes and scoffs “I’m sorry I turned out to be exactly what I said I was.”

Phasma’s Lost Badass “Sergio Leone” Moment

Phasma originally had another badass moment. The scene took place chronologically after she battled Finn on Snoke’s ship, right after he smashes the hole in her helmet. A group of stormtroopers corner Finn and he tries to get them on his side, saying that they can join him and escape Phasma’s grasp, just like he has. Finn says that she’s really a coward who sold out the codes to Starkiller Base. He pleads with the First Order squad to escape with him. The stormtroopers all look at each other…and in a moment borrowed from a Sergio Leone western, Phasma pulls out her blaster and guns down all six or seven stormtroopers herself before they have any time to react. It felt like a tribute to a classic western shootout, but for whatever reason, it didn’t feel right in that moment of the movie.

Admiral Holdo Reshoots

Other reshoots involved Laura Dern’s character Admiral Holdo, who was originally way more condescending to Poe, calling him “honey” and “flyboy.” Her character and story arc remain the same, but they made her character a little bit less abrasive so that audiences could come around to her character later in the film. If you watch some of the over-the-shoulder shots of her in the film, you can clearly see that her lips are not moving to her ADR’d dialogue.

Another Moment Between Poe and Finn

When we talked to editor Bob Ducsay about the deleted scenes, he told us about a few other moments that got axed (and elaborated on the caretaker scene mentioned above):

“There’s a scene where Poe first meets up with Finn after he’s sort of recovered.  And this, it goes right before Leia slaps Poe.  After they come out of hyperspace.  And it’s really just a buddy scene.  And he basically is bringing him up to speed.  And it’s a really, really good character scene.  And the only reason it’s not in the movie is just because of time.  I really love that scene.  But it’s the sort of thing you can just put in, you go ah that’s good.  But there’s nothing we took out of the movie that shouldn’t be taken out of the movie.  Because the thing is ultimately you put this thing together and it’s the screenplay of the movie and then you go yeah, okay, so now we’re on this new stage, which is now we have to tell the best story, which isn’t everything that’s in the screenplay or everything that was thought of.  There’s another sequence, it’s basically like the third lesson where Rey has a big scene with the Caretakers, which are those sort of Nun like fish characters, the people who take care of the island.  And that’s a very elaborate, involved scene.  And it’s very funny and it’s very good.  And we cut it, I mean, it had actually progressed quite a bit.  And it’s very, very good.”

“There’s one scene that we had to move.  It’s a kind of a small scene.  But it’s a scene with Poe in the hallway.  And he’s talking to Finn.  And if we were able to move the scene from here to here, it made it better.  But where the scene actually took place was in a different, was in a place it couldn’t take place to be in that spot.  Because Poe wasn’t on the bridge yet.  And we wanted it to be earlier, right?  And so we mocked it up and we did it.  And what we did was we reshot that moment. It’s a tiny, tiny moment.  It’s not the sort of thing you’d ever think, why would you reshoot that?  Literally the only reason we reshot it is because we moved it.  And it now had to take place in a different place.  And he’s walking down a hallway and he’s talking to Finn on the communicator.  And that’s an example of the sort of thing that happens in post-production on films like this.  If you’re able to do such things.  Because obviously on a smaller film you can’t afford to do that, because you just live with the structural problem.  Anyway, it’s fascinating because it’s really wonderful the things that you can do in post.  Like that.  And it made the movie better because we did it.  It made a, it’s all, like if you were to take this chunk of the movie and all we did was remove this one thing, take this chunk of the movie, it’s exactly the same length as it was before.  Except it feels faster.  And it’s just because the scene is in the right place now.”

— Slashfilm 

[carolinabronova]

Songs.

30 Seconds To Mars The Kill (Burry Me)

99 Souls The Girl Is Mine (ft. Destiny’s Child)

ABBA Lay All Your Love On Me

Adam Lambert Fever If I Had You

Adele Chasing Pavements Rolling In The Deep Send My Love Someone Like You When We Were Young

A-ha Take On Me

Akon Don’t Matter I Wanna Love You (ft. Snoop Dogg)

Alicia Keys If I Ain’t Got You No One

All Angels The Scientist

Ana Carolina É Isso Aí (ft. Seu Jorge)

Angus & Julia Stone A Heartbreak Big Jet Plane Big Jet Plane (Acoustic) Draw Your Swords Just A Boy Paper Aeroplane Yellow Brick Road

A Perfect Circle Counting Bodies Like Sheep To The Rhythm Of The War Drums

Arctic Monkeys 505 Brianstorm Do I Wanna Know? Fluorescent Adolescent I Wanna Be Yours One For The Road R U Mine? Stop The World Why’d You Only Call Me When You’re High?

Aretha Franklin Say A Little Prayer

Ariana & The Rose In Your Bed (Kevin Drew Remix)

Ariana Grande Almost Is Never Enough Bad Decisions Be Alright Be My Baby Best Mistake Dangerous Woman Everyday (ft. Future) Greedy Into You Jason’s Song (Gave It Away) One Last Time Right There (ft. Big Sean) Side To Side Sometimes

Athlete Rubik’s Cube

Austin Manuel I Just Want You To Love Me

Backstreet Boys If You Want It To Be Good Girl (Get Yourself A Bad Boy) I Want It That Way

Banks Drowning

Bee Gees How Deep Is Your Love More Than A Woman Too Much Heaven Tragedy

Ben E. King Stand By Me

Beyoncé 7/11 Baby Boy (ft. Sean Paul) Best Thing I Never Had Blow Countdown Drunk In Love Ego Formation Hold Up Love On Top Partition Sandcastles Sorry

Biel Demorô

Black Keys Howlin’ For You

Blue Öyster Cult Burnin’ For You (Don’t Fear) The Reaper

BoA Eat You Up

B.o.B So Good

Bon Iver Creature Fear Perth

Bonnie Raitt Can’t Make You Love Me

Bonnie Tyler Total Eclipse Of The Heart

Breaking Benjamin I Will Not Bow

Bright Eyes First Day Of My Life

Britney Spears 3

Bruce Springsteen Dancing In The Dark

Bruno Mars 24k Magic Calling All My Lovelies Chunky Gorilla (ft. Pharell Williams and R.Kelly) Locked Out Of Heaven Talking To The Moon That’s What I Like Treasure When I Was Your Man

Bryan Adams Heaven

Calvin Harris Feels (ft. Pharrell Williams, Katy Perry and Big Sean) This Is What You Came For (ft. Rihanna)

Camila Cabello Havana (ft. Young Thug)

Captain & Tennille Love Will Keep Us Together

Carly Rae Jepsen Run Away With Me Your Type

Cary Brothers Loneliest Girl In The World

Cash Cash Overtime

Charlie Brown Jr. Me Encontra

Charlie Puth Attention How Long Marvin Gaye (ft. Meghan Trainor)

Charli XCX Boys

Cheat Codes Let Me Hold You

Chet Baker My Funny Valentine

Chris Brown Liquor Show Me (ft. Kid Ink) Strip Take You Down

Christina Grimmie Must Be Love

Christina Perri distance

Chromeo Come Alive (ft. Toro Y Moi)

Ciara Body Party

City And Colour The Girl

Claudinho & Bochecha Fico Assim Sem Você Quero Te Encontrar

Clean Bandit Tears (ft. Louisa Johnson)

Coldplay Charlie Brown Hymn For The Weekend (ft. Beyonc��) Swallowed In The Sea Violet Hills Viva La Vida

Colbie Caillat Bubbly

Counting Crows Accidentally In Love

Cyndi Lauper Girls Just Wanna Have Fun Time After Time

Daft Punk Around The World Digital Love Harder Better Faster Stronger Lose Yourself To Dance One More Time Something About Us Technologic

Damien Rice 9 Crimes Delicate Rootless Tree The Blower’s Daughter

Danni Carlos Coisas Que Eu Sei

Daughter Landfill Medicine Run Touch

David Guetta Bad (ft. Vassy)

Dawin Dessert (ft. Silento)

Demi Lovato Sorry Not Sorry Stone Cold

Destiny’s Child Bills, Bills, Bills Bootylicious Independent Women Say My Name

Disclosure Latch (ft. Sam Smith)

DJ Snake Leon On (ft. MØ and Major Lazer) Middle

DNCE Cake By The Ocean

Drake Fake Love Hold On We’re Going Home How About Now Marvin’s Room One Dance Passionfruit Too Good (ft. Rihanna)

Dua Lipa New Rules

Duke Dumont Ocean Drive

Earth, Wind & Fire After The Love Has Gone Boogie Wonderland Fantasy Let’s Groove September

Eden Project drowning.

Ed Sheeran Cold Coffee Drunk Give Me Love Grade 8 I’m A Mess Kiss Me Little Bird One Night She Small Bump U.N.I The Man Wake Me Up

Ellie Goulding Love Me Like You Do On My Mind

Elvis Presley Can’t Help Falling In Love Suspicious Minds (You’re The) Devil In Disguise

Erasure A Little Respect

Escape The Fate Zombie Dance

Etha Franklin At Last

Evanescence My Immortal

Fetty Wap 679 (ft. Remy Boyz) Again My Way (ft. Monty) Trap Queen

Fifth Harmony All In My Head (Flex) (ft. Fetty Wap)

Flight Facilities Crave You Crave You (Adventure Club Remix)

Florence + The Machine Cosmic Love Caught Drumming Song Never Let Me Go Seven Devils

Flo Rida I Cry

Francoise Hardy Voila

Frank Sinatra Fly Me To The Moon If I Had You Moon River

Gabrielle Aplin Home Please Don’t Say You Love Me Start Of Time

G-Eazy F**k With U (ft. Pia Mia) Lady Killers (ft. Hoodie Allen)

George Martin Pepperland - Remastered

Gilberto Girl Vamos Fugir (Gimme Your Love)

Glen Hansard All The Way Down Falling Slowly Lies Say It To Me Now

Grayscale Palette

Gym Class Heroes Cupid’s Chokehold

Halsey Gasoline

Hozier Someone New Take Me To Church

Hudson Thames How I Want Ya

Hurts Illuminated Somebody To Die For Stay Unspoken

Ingrid Michaelson Can’t Help Falling In Love You And I

Iron & Wine Flightless Bird, American Mouth

Israel Novaes Vem Ni Mim Dodge Ram

Ivete Sangalo Quando A Chuva Passar Se Eu Não Te Amasse Tanto Assim

James Blunt You’re Beautiful

Jammil Praieiro

Jeff Buckley Hallelujah

Jeremih oui

João Bosco E Vinícius Chora Me Liga

Joe Walsh Turn To Stone

John Mayer Free Fallin’ Gravity Slow Dancing In A Burning Room

Johnny Cash Hurt

JoJo Beautiful Girls

Jon Secada If I Never Knew You (ft. Shanice)

Jordan Fisher All About Us

Jorge Vercilo Que Nem Maré

Jota Quest Blecaute (ft. Anitta and Nite Rodgers)

Justin Timberlake My Love (ft. T.I) Summer Love

Kanye West Bound 2 Power

Kate Nash Nicest Thing

Katy Perry Birthday

Kendrick Lamar DNA King Kunta Loyalty (ft. Rihanna) Poetic Justice (ft. Drake)

Kid Abelha Como Eu Quero

Kina Grannis Valentine

Kings Of Leon Pyro Sex On Fire

Kodaline All I Want

Kyle Edwards Starboy (Harder Better Faster Stronger Jersey Club)

Labrinth Jealous

Lady Gaga Bad Romance Do What U Want (ft. R.Kelly) Edge Of Glory G.U.Y Just Dance Marry The Night Million Reasons Monster Perfect Illusion Speechless The Cure You & I

Lana Del Rey Born To Die Dark Paradise Freak High By The Beach Love Religion Ridin’ (ft. A$AP Rocky) Sad Girl Serial Killer Video Games West Coast Young And Beautiful

Lauren Aquilina Wonder

Leonard Cohen Hallelujah

Leona Lewis Bleeding Love

Lil Dicky Lemme Freak

Lil Wayne 6 Foot 7 Foot

Linda Ronstadt I Will Always Love You

Lionel Richie Just Go (ft. Akon)

Lissie Everywhere I Go

Little Big Town Girl Crush

Los Hermanos Anna Julia

LS Jack Ô Carla

Lulu Santos Como Uma Onda Sereia

Lykke Li I Follow Rivers Until We Bleed

M83 My Tears Are Becoming A Sea

Madonna Material Girl

Maiara & Maraisa Medo Bobo

Mariah Carey #Beautiful (ft. Miguel) Emotions Obsessed Touch My Body We Belong Together

Marianas Trench Haven’t Had Enough

Marina & The Diamonds How To Be A Heartbreaker Oh No! Primadonna Teen Idle

Marisa Monte Depois

Maroon 5 Feelings Makes Me Wonder Stutter What Lovers Do

Marvin Gaye Sexual Healing

Maskavo Um Anjo Do Céu

Matthew Perryman Jones Only You

MC G15 Deu Onda

MC Leozinho Se Ela Dança, Eu Danço

MC Marcinho Glamurosa

Michael Sembello Maniac

Miguel Adorn coffee Simple Things Sure Thing

Mike Posner Cooler Than Me I Took A Pill In Ibiza Looks Like Sex

Miley Cyrus 23 (ft. Mike Will Made It, Wiz Khalifa and Juicy J) Wrecking Ball

MKTO Classic

MØ Fire Rides - Night Version

Mumford And Sons Little Lion Man Sigh No More White Blank Page

Muse Neutron Star Collision Plug In Baby Resistance Starlight Supermassive Black Hole Undisclosed Desires

My Chemical Romance Helena (So Long & Goodnight) I Don’t Love You The Light Behind Your Eyes

Natalie La Rose Somebody (ft. Jeremih)

Natiruts Me Namora

Nelly Dilemma (ft. Kelly Rowland)

Neon Trees Animal Everybody Talks Mad Love

Ne-yo Closer

NF Got You On My Mind

Niall Horan Slow Hands

Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds O Children

Nick Jonas Jealous Teacher Wilderness

Nigahiga Bromance (ft. Chester See) Nice Guys (ft. Chester See and KevJumba)

Ninja Sex Party FYI I Wanna F Your A Peppermint Creams Sex Training The Decision

Oasis Wonderwall

Olivver The Kid Attica ‘71

Olly Murs Dance With Me Tonight Kiss Me

Omarion Post To Be (ft. Chris Brown and Jhené Aiko)

One Direction Fireproof Happily Night Changes No Control Perfect Stockholm Sydrome Strong You & I

Outkast Hey Ya!

Panic! At The Disco Death Of A Bachelor Nine In The Afternoon

Papas Da Língua Eu Sei

Paramore Ain’t It Fun Misery Business Still Into You

Passanger Let Her Go

Paula Fernandes Não Precisa (ft. Victor e Leo)

P.Diddy Last Night (ft. Keyshia Cole)

Pentatonix Can’t Sleep Love Fantasy I Need Your Love La La Latch Love Again Natural Disaster

Pink F*cking Perfect Please Don’t Leave Me Sober So What Who Knew

Player Baby Come Back

Post Malone Rockstar

Psirico Lepo Lepo

R5 Dark Side

Rae Sremmurd Black Beatles

Raleigh Ritchie Bloodsport

Redfoo New Thang

Rich Homie Quan Flex (Ooh, ooh, ooh)

Richie Campbell Do You No Wrong

Rihanna Can’t Remember To Forget You (ft. Shakira) Don’t Stop The Music FourFiveSeconds (ft. Kanye West and Paul McCartney) Love On The Brain Needed Me Russian Roulette Te Amo Unfaithful Where Have You Been Wild Thoughts (ft. DJ Khaled and Bryson Tiller)

Rise Against Savior

Roberta Campos Minha Felicidade

Robin Thicke Get Her Back

Robot Koch Nitesky (ft. John Lamonica)

Ryan Adams Wonderwall

Sam Smith Nirvana Palace

Sarah Jaffe Clementine

Scorpions Rock You Like A Hurricane

Scott Bradlee’s Postmodern Jukebox Stacy’s Mom

Scouting For Girls Heartbeat

Seal Kiss From A Rose

Selena Gomez Bad Liar Fetish (ft. Gucci Mane) Good For You Hands To Myself Perfect Wolves (ft. Marshmellow)

Seu Jorge Carolina Mina Do Condomínio

Shania Twain From This Moment On Man! I Feel Like A Woman You’re Still The One

Shawn Mendes There’s Nothing Holding Me Back

Shura Touch (Canvas Remix)

Sia Cheap Thrills Elastic Heart

Simon & Garfunkel Bridge Over Troubled Water

Skank Ainda Gosto Dela Tão Seu Vamos Fugir Vou Deixar

Sleeping At Last As Long As You Love Me Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic Venus

Snoop Dogg Sensual Seduction

Stevie Nicks Edge Of Seventeen

Stevie Wonder Isn’t She Lovely

Story Of The Year Until The Day I Die

Talking Heads Psycho Killers

Taylor Swift Blank Space Love Story Safe And Sound (ft. The Civil Wars) Style Wildest Dreams

Tears For Fears Everybody Wants To Rule The World

The 1975 Chocolate FallingForYou Somebody Else UGH! The Sound

The Archies Sugar, Sugar

The Barr Brothers May 4th

The Bird And The Bee How Deep Is Your Love

The Black Eyed Peas Meet Me Halfway

The Black Keys Howlin’ For You

The Beach Boys Good Vibrations Wouldn’t It Be Nice

The Beatles Hey Jude Yesterday

The Black Eyed Peas Meet Me Halfway

The Cataracs Ready 4 The Weekend (ft. Icona Pop)

The Civil Wars Poison And Wine

The Cure Boys Don’t Cry

The Glitch Mob Between Two Points (ft. Swan)

The Irrepressibles In This Shirt

The Jackson 5 I Want You Back

The Killers Human Somebody Told Me When You Were Young

The Last Shadow Puppets Miracle Aligner

The Lonely Island 3-Way (The Golden Rule) I’m So Humble (ft. Adam Levine) Jizz In My Pants Spring Break Anthem

The Maine I Must Be Dreaming Into Your Arms

The Middle East Blood

The Neighbourhood Daddy Issues #icanteven (ft. French Montana)

The Platters Only You (And You Alone)

The Police Every Breath You Take Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic Roxanne

The Pretty Reckless You Zombie

The Script Breakeven

The Turtles Happy Together

The Weeknd Acquainted A Lonely Night Earned It I Feel It Coming Often Or Nah (Stwo Remix) Starboy The Hills Wicked Games

The White Strips Seven Nation Army

The Zombies Time Of The Season

T.I Whatever You Like

Tim Maia Descobridor Dos Sete Mares Gostava Tanto De Você Não Quero Dinheiro (Só Quero Amar)

Tinashe Superlove Quit You (ft. Lost Kings)

Tom Odell Can’t Pretend

Toni Braxton Un-Break My Heart

Toto Africa

Tove Lo Cool Girl

Tribalistas Aliança Já Sei Namorar Velha Infância

Troye Sivan Fools for him. Wild (ft. Alessia Cara)

U2 One (ft. Mary J Blidge)

Usher DJ Got Us Fallin In Love Hey Daddy (Daddy’s Home) U Remind Me

Van Halen Why Can’t This Be Love

Vinicius Cantuária Só Você

Wesley Safadão Aquele 1% (ft. Marcos & Belutti) Camarote

What So Not Jaguar

Whitney Houston I Have Nothing I Wanna Dance With Somebody I Will Always Love You

xxyyxx About You

War Why Can’t We Be Friends

Yvonne Elliman If I Can’t Have You

Zara Larsson Ain’t My Fault I Would Like So Good

Zella Day Hypnotic (Vanic Remix)

[legendarynightmaresandwich]

My 17 Books of 2017

I swear to Glob, I’m gonna have to make this a monthly thing bc my dumb ass didn’t write down what I read every month so I sat for 30 mins straight thinking “what did I read this year?????” Then I kept confusing this year with 2016, relived the fact that I didn’t read a single book this Summer bc I had a stupid boyfriend instead, and that I won’t have any pictures of the books bc most of them were from the library and I’m lazy. 

2017. While I was still in school I exclusively read stuff for class and not pleasure. I still enjoyed the books I read, so I included them. After graduation, like I said, I acquired a dumb boyfriend, so instead of reading I wasted my life with him for three months. (Pro-Tip: Reading is always more satisfying than boys.) Moving back home, and working at a library, I read 11 books, a graphic novel, and almost half of a graphic novel series. (I’ll explain.)  It feels so good to read again! 

So the total for the year is 17. Not bad at all! So, here we go. 

Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Neal Hurston 

Hooooo boy it was so good to read this book again. This book was first presented to me in high school, by a teacher I didn’t like, who treated everything we read like it was stupid. I guess that was her sense of humor. What I remember from high school is that everyone hated this book and especially hated the main character, Janie. The consensus was that Janie makes horrible decisions, relies on men too much, and is irresponsible. Talk about an anti-feminist reading. Reading the book again, being older and slightly wiser, I’ve realized that the book outlines the ways that society makes it almost impossible for a character like Janie (a woman of color, uneducated, and poor) to thrive. Her life is about survival, despite her missteps and trials she survives. My one problem with the book is that I wish Hurston explored Janie’s inner thoughts more. Other than that, this book is beautiful. 

Quote: “There is a basin in the mind where words float around on thought and thought on sound and sight. Then there is a depth of thought untouched by words, and deeper still a gulf of formless feelings untouched by thought.”

I love this quote bc instead of seeing Janie as a lost cause we should view her as untapped potential, she is so much deeper than the surface layer that I was unfortunately taught in high school. 

Native Son by Richard Wright

Here’s another book that was good to revisit in a sense. I didn’t read this in high school, but my sister’s grade and the grade before me did. And everyone hated it. Reading it in college, I am so glad that I didn’t read it in high school. Generations younger than me might be ready to read this book in high school, but my generation was not. (I am so glad that it seems like younger generations are more informed about inequality, feminism, etc.) For my grade and the kids older than me I think it was impossible for white kids, in a white high school, with white teachers, to fully understand this book. It is so EASY to read this book and view Bigger as a murderer. (It is important that he doesn’t kill on accident either. He smothers a woman, chops her up, and incinerates her.) And he is a murderer, but not exclusively. He is oppressed every way he turns, by his employers, the police, the media, his friends, his family, etc. And Bigger responds to the world’s anticipations. This book is fascinating to me in that Wright wanted to create an “Anti-Uncle Tom” character. Bigger is a bad person, and a criminal. But he also represents the inevitability of an oppressive society to fail its citizens and create monsters. 

Quote: “Men can starve from a lack of self-realization as much as they can from a lack of bread.”

Go Down, Moses by William Faulkner 

This book was HARD. Faulkner is impossible, especially when you have other classes to focus on. I survived by reading a Cliffs Notes synopsis of each chapter before and after reading it. But this book was worth the read. It’s a brief, but deep look into the practices of the antebellum South. I really liked the format of this book being a series of short stories. (But in Faulkner fashion he never tells the reader who is speaking and what time period we’re in.) 

Quote: “But you cant be alive forever, and you always wear out life long before you have exhausted the possibilities of living. And all that must be somewhere; all that could not have been invented and created just to be thrown away. And the earth is shallow; there is not a great deal of it before you come to the rock. And the earth don’t want to just keep things, hoard them; it wants to use them again.”

Counterlife by Philip Roth 

This book is extremely interesting. It’s broken into five parts and each part is an alternate version of the same awkward story. Henry has a serious heart condition. BUT the medicine that is keeping him alive makes him impotent. The only other option is to undergo an extremely dangerous surgery. In one version he dies of the surgery, in one he survives and moves to Israel, then in another his brother Nathan is impotent instead of him. The whole book is framed by Nathan who is an author. It shows how fiction can be unreliable, how authors twist the truth. We never know the “true” story. This is a structurally brilliant book, even though I’m not a huge fan of the characters. Their problems are worthy of eye-rolls. 

Quote: “And as he spoke, I was thinking, 'the kind of stories that people turn life into, the kind of lives people turn stories into.”

Attachments by Rainbow Rowell 

I read this book bc I read Fangirl and really enjoyed it. This book was just as cute and fun to read if you can get over the creepiness of the plot. Lincoln’s job is to read company emails to make sure everyone is following email policy. Emails get flagged for swearing, other code words, and anything that doesn’t seem like work to the computer system. Two women that work at the company chit-chat through email all day, not following the email rules. Lincoln reads their emails and falls in love with one of them. Like Sleepless in Seattle, the two don’t meet until the end. Again, if you can get over the lack of privacy in the plot, this book is enjoyable. I love Lincoln as a character. He’s a big, tall, lumber-jack type man who is really sweet. I also enjoyed how the book portrays working the night-shift. It’s a world I don’t think most people really know about. Lincoln is lonely and in a rut and these two hilarious women are the only bright spot in his life. 

This book is cute, and it was a good break from reading heavy stuff for class. 

The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

I have always wanted to read this book. The cover is beautiful. (That shouldn’t matter...but it does.) It seems like the general consensus of this book is that it is life changing. This book will inspire you! This book will make you take the initiative to follow your dream! Snake oil. Maybe I’m cynical, but I HATED this book. It’s preachy, it’s chock full of cliches, and worst of all I cannot get over how sexist this book is. The boy character is allowed to have a dream and pursue it. But the girl’s dream is to STAY BEHIND AND WAIT FOR HIM TO COME HOME????? That’s her dream!?!? That sucks!!!!!!! That’s unacceptable to me. Every nice thought or potential mantra to be gleaned from this book is completely overshadowed by the mistreatment of the female characters. LAME. 

It by Stephen King

I read this book bc I wanted something really long to read at jury duty. This book is so long, but I honestly loved every second of it. I was borderline obsessed for two weeks of my life. I completely fell in love with the characters, my precious babies. I was always weirdly fascinated by the mini-series when I was little. I really liked getting to know the kids and then the adults. I was surprised that the book is not split half in half, but the adult scenes are mixed in with the childhood memories. I really enjoyed this book that my first reaction to seeing the new It movie was to be MAD at what they changed. That hasn’t happened in a while. (Harry Potter anyone?) I thought the tumblr love for Pennywise was funny to a certain extent, he’s pretty hilarious in the movie. But in the book...real life nightmares were had. Nothing in particular gave me a nightmare, just the overall vibe and tone of the book stressed me out and kept me awake. This book really transported me. When I was reading it, for better or for worse,  I was in the town of Derry. 

Quote: “Maybe there aren't any such things as good friends or bad friends - maybe there are just friends, people who stand by you when you're hurt and who help you feel not so lonely. Maybe they're always worth being scared for, and hoping for, and living for. Maybe worth dying for too, if that's what has to be. No good friends. No bad friends. Only people you want, need to be with; people who build their houses in your heart.”

Fair Play by Tove Jansson 

I love this book. Tove Jansson is the creator of Moomin and I only recently found out that she wrote a few books too. Fair Play was the only one my library had so I checked it out. And it was amazing. <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

The more I learn about Tove, the more obviously autobiographical her books seem. This book is a series of short stories about two women who live together and learn to work around and with each other in every way. Mari is sensitive where Jonna is gruff. They are both stubborn about different things and have a beautiful symbiotic relationship. In some reviews I’ve read of this book people go out of their way to make sure it’s known that Mari and Jonna’s “sisterhood” is strictly “platonic.” I roll my eyes, bc CLEARLY they are not. They are life partners and have a deep love for each other that goes beyond just being roommates. Plus, it’s pretty obvious that Mari, a writer, is Tove Jansson, and Jonna, an artist, is her life partner and graphic designer Tuulikki Pietila. 

But back to the book. It is an absolutely beautiful series of short stories. I wouldn’t even call them stories. They are more like little snippets of daily life. They are full of subtle emotion and are written in such a straight forward but artistic way. Simple prose carries deep meaning in this book. 

Quote:  “It is simply this: do not tire, never lose interest, never grow indifferent—lose your invaluable curiosity and you let yourself die. It's as simple as that.”

The Artist of Disappearance by Anita Desai

I originally read this book for a class (Landscape Architecture of India) and to be honest I skimmed through it and wrote a bullshit book report. When I saw it in the library I wanted to try it again. This book is just three short stories I can’t believe I didn’t find time to read it before. I didn’t really like the third story, about man living in the mountains, but the first two are great. The first is about a man trying to figure out how to insure a dusty mansion full of treasures. The second is about a woman translating a work of fiction, on the brink of madness as she becomes more of a creator than strictly a translator. These two are among the best short stories I’ve read. The writing is so beautiful. 

Quote: “Everything in the house turned damp; the blue fur of mildew crept furtively over any object left standing for the briefest length of time: shoes, bags, boxes, it consumed them all. The sheets on the bed were clammy when he got between them at night, and the darkness rang with the strident cacophony of the big tree crickets that had been waiting for this, their season.”

Murder in Mesopotamia by Agatha Christie 

I’ve been meaning to read some Agatha Christie for some time now. I read And Then There Were None in high school and absolutely hated it. I was interested in this one bc I know Christie went on many archaeological digs. So I thought this book would contain interesting historical elements about archaeology in the Middle East and ancient Mesopotamian culture. Not at all. Lapis lazuli is mentioned once, cylinder seals are briefly mentioned, everything else mentioned are just “tablet fragments” and “vases.” I was disappointed. I was also really disappointed by how BORING this book is. The mystery is slightly compelling, but nothing exciting really happens. This is a Poirot mystery, another reason I picked it, but he doesn’t show up until halfway through the book! The book is narrated by a nurse. She’s tough and straightforward. I really liked her at first, but throughout the book she is straight up racist. The Middle East is a “primitive” land to her. The natives speak in a “funny, sing-song” language. She is suspicious of the native men around the dig being thieves. She’s even prejudiced against Poirot, showing much disdain toward his accent. 

At least Poirot is nice. And he solves the stupid mystery. How does a woman drink a WHOLE GLASS of acid without noticing??? This book was dumb. I don’t think I’ll read Christie again. In this instance my high school self was right. 

Norse Mythology by Neil Gaiman

I was really excited to read this book, Neil Gaiman has yet to disappoint me. I love the way this book was written. I especially loved how in the introduction Gaiman outlines all the female Norse gods whose stories have unfortunately not survived. (Makes me want to write some Norse mythology fanfiction. Nerd alert.) I love these characters, the stories are so interesting. A very good read. 

Quote: “The Norse myths are the myths of a chilly place, with long, long winter nights and endless summer days, myths of a people who did not entirely trust or even like their gods, although they respected and feared them.”

Me Before You by Jojo Moyes

Jumped on the bandwagon with this one. This was a really popular book at the library so I checked it out. It’s cute. (Bridget Jones is better.) The book promised to make me cry, but I didn’t. I really liked the main character, Lou. She’s funny and just trying to figure out her life which I related to. A quick read, VERY predictable.

After You by Jojo Moyes

I liked the Louisa character from Me Before You, so I thought I would read the sequel. It was disappointing. Everything fun and admirable about Lou is lost. The story-line where Will’s conveniently long-lost teenage daughter shows up is stupid. The love interest is boring. Really, a terrible sequel. I’m sure there’s better fan fiction out there. 

The Whispering Muse by Sjon

This book is plain weird and not my favorite. Luckily, it’s short. I like the mythological/folkloric aspects of the story. My main issue is that the main character is so unlikable. He’s pompous, annoying, and rude. Not endearing in any way. The ending is very strange. 

Autumn by Karl Ove Knaussgard

I LOVED this one. The author is writing letters to his unborn daughter. They’re not really letters though, more like small essays on completely random topics: frogs, sunset, plastic bags, embarrassment. The author has a fascinating way of thinking, and the connection to his daughter made the book sweeter. This will be the first of three, I think a book will be published for each trimester? Not sure. But I can’t wait to read the rest. 

The Fables Series by Bill Cunningham 

Fables starts out great. Fairy Tale characters in NYC, trying to survive. The premise was intriguing and the first few volumes are awesome. It was everything I wanted Once Upon A Time to be. Where OUAT is over-dramatic and embarrassing, Fables is gritty and clever. It started falling apart for me about halfway through the series.I wound up only liking a few characters that the series kept straying away from. Sitting and reading a whole, long-winded story about Little Boy Blue, when Snow White and the Big Bad Wolf are so much more interesting, got tedious. To be honest, I just skimmed through the later issues. 

Origin by Dan Brown

Dan Brown’s worst book, in my opinion. I’ll have to read some of his others again to make sure this theory pans out, but the writing in this one is so condescending. It was really annoying. It’s as if Dan Brown thinks his audience is stupid. Instead of saying “Beethoven was playing on the radio” he’ll write “18th century composer, known for works such as this and that, emitted from the iHome music player that was invented in 2005.” Every little detail has some shitty explanation. He explains what Uber is, what William Blake’s most famous poem is, "Nicolaus Copernicus … the father of the heliocentric model — the belief that the planets revolve around the sun — which ignited a scientific revolution in the 1500s"; "Friedrich Nietzsche, the renowned 19th-century German philosopher and atheist"; and "Winston Churchill himself, the celebrated British statesman who, in addition to being a military hero, historian, orator, and Nobel Prize-winning author, was an artist of remarkable talent." WE KNOW. Or you could google it! 

Honestly, the writing made this book hard to read and not be insulted by. I did like the story. It’s interesting, very contrived but it’s Dan Brown. Contrived is his middle name. This book read like a shit mystery with sentences from wikipedia copied and pasted in. 

Quote: "'Robert,' Ambra whispered, 'just remember the wise words of Disney's Princess Elsa.' Langdon turned. 'I'm sorry?' Ambra smiled softly. 'Let it go.'" (The "it" in question is Langdon's cellphone.)

I can’t believe I had to read that with my own eyes. 

Annihilation by Jeff VanderMeer

My last read of 2017. I was intrigued by the movie trailer and the cover of the book is beautiful. This book will stick with me for a while. One review describes it perfectly. 

“It’s been a long time since a book filled me with this kind of palpable, wondrous, disquiet, a feeling that started on the first page and that I’m not sure I’ve yet shaken.” -Matt Bell

This book is beautifully disturbing. And the ending is perfect! It’s a trilogy, but I don’t know if I even want to read the other two yet. I think I have to let this one marinate for a while. 

A stunning read, a great way to end the year. 

Quote:  “I am walking forever on the path from the border to base camp. It is taking a long time, and I know it will take even longer to get back. There is no one with me. I am all by myself. The trees are not trees the birds are not birds and I am not me but just something that has been walking for a very long time…”

And there you have it! My year in books. Here’s to next year!   

[tube-thoughts-blog]

tube thoughts vol. 2

zero stars - terrible, 1/2 a star - dull, 1 star - folly, 1 1/2 stars - lacking,   2 stars - fair, 2 1/2 stars - decent, 3 stars - terrific

zack snyder's 300: Rise of an Empire *Lady warrior commandeers the battle scenes and saves it from being a male meat fest like the first film.* 3 stars

rifftrax presents "Independence Day" *One way to make this movie more moronic would be if social media existed in its world at the time.* 3 stars with riffing 2 without

Cannon films "Ninja 3: The Domination" *Spunky shinobi, you must avenge me!* 3 stars

Septic Man *Municipal shit-storm* either zero stars for grossness or 3 stars for grossness and surrealness

"The Stuff" a Larry Cohen film starring Michael Moriarty *Ba-da-ba-ba-ba, I'm lovin' it.* 3 stars

Farscape premier episode *Awol from the ratcage.* 3 stars

Garth Marenghi's: Darkplace "The Creeping Moss from the Shores of Shoggoth" *Brocolli from space. I'd thought it had tasted odd.* 3 stars

Albert Pyun's "Omega Doom" starring Rutger Hauer *It's nice to know after we've killed ourselves off, through constant warfare, sentient robots will become gun nuts and start acting out cold war westerns.* 2 1/2 stars

Kenny vs. Spenny: "Who Can Sell More Bibles?" *The Devil is in the details.* 3 stars

Masters of Horror: Clive Barker's "Valerie on the Stairs" *Another bodice-ripper.* 2 stars

"I Spit On Your Grave" uncut 1978 either zero stars or 3 stars

"Beyond the Door" *Paranormal pregnancy with personality.* 3 stars

Twin Peaks: "The Condemned Woman" *Josie and the pine weasels* 2 1/2 stars

Lost and Found Video Night: Vol 7 -- 3 stars

Seinfeld: "The Frogger" *George's high score.* 3 stars

Kolchak, The Night Stalker: "Mr. R.I.N.G." *What's the difference between right and wrong? robot need to know.* 3 stars

Everything is Terrible "The Rise and Fall of God" *Homeschool is the answer.* 3 stars

Roger Corman presents Andrew Stevens' "Subliminal Seduction" featuring Sharknado's Ian Ziering and Critters' Dee Wallace Stone *CD-ROM Inception meets Tommy Wiseau's "The Room"  type inept erotic thriller.* 3 stars

David Cronenberg's "eXistenZ" *Jennifer Jason Leigh penetrates Jude Law's port hole in order to play an addictive and twisted version of The Sims.* 3 stars

rifftrax presents "The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring" *Butter scraped over too much bread.* 3 plus stars with riffing 3 stars without

"Spacehunter: Adventures in the Forbidden Zone" *Han Solo babysits a brat-pack ginger cutie, Ernie Hudson is Lando, and Michael Ironside is a Darth Humongous who believes that Earth Girls Are Easy.* 3 stars

"Riddick" *Robinson Crusoe machismo* 3 stars

Farscape: "I, E.T." *My name is Mud.* 3 stars

Dominion: pilot episode *Bright light city gonna set my soul on fire.* 2 1/2 stars

"Thor: Dark World" *Science lady Padme pines for Adam of Eternia so that she inadvertently stumbles into the evil fudge and awakens the 9th Doctor Keebler Who causes the realms to converge like ornaments on an imploding Christmas tree.* 3 stars

"Priest" *Paul Bettany's Obi-Wan character is disenchanted with his forced retirement  in a Catholic 1984 dystopia and his regret filled dreams lead to the wasteland where his  fallen knights of the old republic partner, a cowboy from hell Karl Urban, lurks about with his horde of bloodsucking bandits and xenomorph vampires. A decent cameo from Brad  Dourif as a snake oil salesman. This movie's biggest flaw is that it forgets  the classic genre work of Sergio Leone,  John Carpenter, and George Miller and instead mimmicks the cliche Matrix ripoff style hack work of Paul W.S. Anderson's Resident Evil flicks.* 2 stars

"Scanners 2: The New Order" *If you get inside me, go gently, and easy on the nosebleeds. This kind of telepathic power in the hands of a fascist P.D., no thankee.* 3 stars

Joe Bob's Christmas Special: Charles Band's "Pets" *Inhabits the same universe as other weird,  dumb kids' adventure comedies like 'Garbage Pail Kids', 'The Super Mario Bros Movie', 'Ernest Scared Stupid', and 'Problem Child 1 & 2'* 1 1/2 stars

Sami Rami & The Coen Bros present "Crimewave" aka "The XYZ Murders" *Reminiscent of the Three Stooges, classic Mel Brooks, 40s cartoons, humorous Tom Waits song tales, and the original SNL.* 3 stars

Udo Kier in "The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Miss OSbourne'  --sexploitation-- *Show me where it hurts. Fill me with  hatred. My pleasure is seeing your dead body.* 3 stars

Masters of Horror: "Right to Die" *The crispy, vengeful ghost of Terry Shiavo.* 3 stars

William Lustig's "Vigilante" starring Robert Forster & Fred Williamson *Regular Joe nihilism* 3 stars

rifftrax presents Ridley Scott's "Alien" *H.R. Giger porn on the sattelite of love.* 3 plus stars with riffing 3 without

Josh Brolin is DC's "Jonah Hex" *Sometimes spooky, often dumb B-western that's sadly too gutless to show any blood n grit. Still it might fit into a marathon of 'The Quick and the Dead', 'Five Bloody Graves',  'Navajo Joe', and 'Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter.'*  2 stars

"Rhinestone Cowgirls" 1982 --xxx-- *Easy listenin' and screwin', plus plenty of other prickly  situations protruding in Cactus Corner.*  2 stars

Kolchak, The Night Stalker: "Primal Scream" *Unfrozen caveman mauler.* 3 stars

"Shogun Assassin" *Daddy day samurai* 3 stars

Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs: Dino De Laurentiis presents "Orca" *starring Richard Harris as a salty sea-dog, Charlotte Rampling as a sensitive marine biologist, Bo Derek as a sexy shipmate and Shamu snack, plus the indian fella from 'One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest' lending his wisdom by saying things like,  "The old ways no longer work. Now, even our gods dance to a new tune."*  2 1/2 stars

"Baron Blood" *Decent dubbing, giallo lite, moody nightscapes, cursed castle, creepy stalking.*  2 1/2 stars

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace: "Illuminatum & Illuminata" *Interviewer: Do you believe in the Horned One?  the actor Todd Rivers: You mean the Hoofed One? Interviewer: Yeah.*  3 stars

Beavis & Butthead: "Time Machine" *Butthead: 1832, that's like not now.  Beavis: Yeah, aren't we more than that?* 2 1/2 stars

Twin Peaks: "Wounds and Scars" *"A country habit. We are so very trusting."* 3 stars

Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs:  Wes Craven's "The People Under the Stairs" *A ghetto version of Twin Peaks' "Black Lodge" where "Hills Have Eyes" type inbred freaks are trapped in the cellar and "Sometimes further in is the only way out." in a twisted Tom & Jerry style game of cat & mouse.* 3 stars

Masters of Horror: "We All Scream for Ice Cream" starring Lee Tergesen, William Forsythe, and the kid from Bad Santa and Eastbound & Down *The Good Humor Man returns from the land of the popsicles to scoop out and dish some cold and sticky revenge.* 3 stars

Gun Fu John Woo and Risky Bidness Tom Cruise present: "Mission Impossible 2" *We've got the cure, we made the disease. Dianetics incorporated.* 3 stars

Tim & Eric present: Bedtime Stories "Hole" *Spitting surreal absurdism sometimes sidetracks the sinister suburban satire.* 2 1/2 stars

MST3K presents: Charles Band's "Laserblast" *Moppy-haired stoner with a muscle-van gets to rain down the fire of the lizard alien gods on his stereotypical 70s burnout and redneck cop enemies in his one horse desert hometown.* 3 stars with riffing 2 without

Farscape: "Exodus from Genesis" *A hot time in the roach maternity ward in the outer reaches of the universe, tonight.* 3 stars

"Saga, Curse of the Shadow" aka "The Shadow Cabal" *Somewhere between Peter Jackson's LOTR and LARPers that run around yelling, "Lightning bolt, lightnight bolt, lightning bolt!"  2 1/2 stars

"Night of the Loving Dangerously" --xxx-- *With the allure of his ever-wanton ex-wife, Traci Lords, private dick, Peter North, is pulled into a web of blackmail involving his ex's new fiance- a perverted CEO  with everything to lose, Jamie Gillis,  his naughty daddy's girl daughter, and gay son's snooping photographer boyfriend.*  2 1/2 stars

Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs: "Poltergeist" *Joe Bob maligns Spielberg's involvement with a Tobe Hooper horor flick, Heather O'Rourke gives me the sads, an 80s kids bedroom is full of nostalgic shit, the mom looks sexy even with a streak of grey hair, there's some kind of message about the sinister nature of suburban sprawl,  a sassy medium with a drawl steals the show, and Joe Bob ponders the difference between "Go into the light" & "Stay away from the light."* 3 stars

Lost & Found Video Night Vol. 5 *Hot diggity tallyho* 3 stars

"Purely Physical" 1982 --xxx-- *Schmaltzy motel fornicating where the lovers' lips refuse to move when the pillow talk gets filthy.*  2 1/2 stars

Kolchak, The Night Stalker: "The Trevi Collection" *Fashion victims. Some hilariously bad acting from a witch.* 3 stars

"Gallowwalkers" starring Wesley Snipes *Spaghetti vampire western. The kind of movie Blade 3 should have been.* 3 stars

Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back & Return of the Jedi ---despecialized editions--- *Impressive. Most impressive* 3 stars

Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs: 1954's U.S. version of "Godzilla"  & "Godzilla vs. Mothra" *Tokyo stompin' in a Texas trailer park.* 3 stars

"Manborg" 2011 *Will Ferrell's 'Westworld', Scott Pilgrim vs. Mega City 1, Napoleon Dynamite 2: Judgment Day, Tom Green's 'Total Recall', Jim Carrey's "Battlefield Earth', Sam Raimi's 'Mortal Kombat: Annihilation', Paul Verhoeven's 'Army of Darkness', Patrick Swazy, Jacki Chan, Jake Busey, and Cynthia Rothrock  in 'Revenge of the Sith'.*  3 stars

Masters of Horror: Stuart Gordon presents Edgar Alan Poe's "The Black Cat" *Pluto, the little devil.* 2 1/2 stars

rifftrax presents: "The Last Slumber Party" *More potty-mouthed and homophobic than a Wayans Bros. "Horror" "Comedy" "Movie"* 2 1/2 stars with riffing 1 1/2 without

The Outer Limits: George R.R. Martin's "Sandkings" starring Beau & Lloyd Bridges *Red menace* 3 stars

rifftrax presents: "Battlefield Earth" *L. Ron Hubbard's  The Passion of the Prometheus as acted out by the rat-brained man-animal, John Travolta.*  2 stars with riffing 1 star without

Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs: Mel Brooks "Spaceballs" 3 stars

rifftrax presents "Fantasic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer" *Fate of world hangs in balance while obnoxious bantering, obnoxious celebrity  style wedding is overshadowing focus, obnoxious background extras actors mug for the camera and stare at the pop culture status heroes, obnoxious twirling mustache Dr. Doom villain moments, obnoxious studio thinking Galactus is a stupid concept and yet going through with having his threat to earth being the plot-- leaving us with a cloud of lame spacedust* 1 1/2 stars with riffing 1 star without

Troma presents: Lucio Fulci's "Rome 2072: The New Gladiators" *Televised brutality in a cyber-disco dystopia where the cities of the future are painfully obvious scale models covered in Christmas lights and dirtbikes along with karate chops are still considered pretty badass.* 2 1/2 stars

--- Game of Thrones: Season 3 episode 1

*The inept, pudgy comic relief gets to stumble around  in the snow avoiding ice zombies,

the dashing dwarf gets dissed by dear old dad,

the high class pimp positions himself near the daughter of the woman who always shunned his advances,

the would be future queen shows kindess to orphans and gets politely scolded for it,

a crow defects to the king beyond the wall,

a fiery zealot harshly deals with infidels,

a shiprecked war veteran brother puts himself back in harm's way to try to talk sense to his witch's pussy whipped brother,

the king of the north returns to his scorched hometown and imprisons his mum there,

a puppy eyed dragon mama sails with her seasick soldiers and goes shopping for baby slaughtering drone warriors while narrowly escaping creepy child with scorpion assassination attempt.*

3 stars

-------------------------------------------------------

rifftrax' Mike Nelson riffs "Predator" *"Speak mono-Slavic-ally and carry a big stick."* 3 plus stars with riffing 3 without

George Lucas & Ron Howard present: "Willow" *In order to save a red-headed bastard baby, Frodo Skywalker  fellowships a force of ragtags including a Han Solo in Pocahontas drag, an indian in the cupboard Kevin Pollack,  and a wizard lady trapped by spell in the body of a wombat.*  3 stars

rifftrax presents: "Twilight: New Moon" *A frigid, psycho chick gets dumped by her prissy,  older, unhealthy obsession. she then begins having night terrors ruining  the sleep of her closet gay lumberjack dad. next, she begins leading a lovesick  puppydog around on a leash while getting wreckless on a mopad, attempting suicide  for attention and all before going on a sisterhood of traveling pants adventure to a pretentious Anne Rice version of faggy Europe. 1980s teens were awesome. 2000s teens are awful.*  2 stars with riffing 1 star without

---- monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs:

"Slaughter High" aka "April Fool's Day"

*These jokers aint' f-f-f-foolin'. They like their drugs, they like their sex, they like their cruel pranks on nerds.

Unlucky for them,  their 10th year class reunion takes place at the now abandoned old high school in the middle of nowhere on a rainy night.

It's the perfect setting for an old dark house horror mixed with Agatha Christie style revenge picture.

This is one of the best episodes of monstervision.

It features a classic 1980s slasher flick, it has the original mail girl, Joe Bob skewers the logic of the TNT censors, and he reads an awkward letter from a male admirer named Rufus.*

3 stars

---------------------------------------------------------------

"A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors" *Freddy flew over the cuckoos' nest* 3 stars

The Outer Limits: "Valerie 23" *Do androids sleep mode with electric wet dreams? 2 be or R2D2? See, I could think of some existential questions to ask my prototype sexbot over a romantic dinner, especially if she were the first sentient being of her kind, and had Hulk strength for no apparently necessary reason.* 2 1/2 stars

Jamie Gillis in "Midnight Heat" 1983 --xxx-- *Rare grime. A gem of a different time. Seedy NYC.* 3 stars

Masters of Horror: "The Washingtonians" *Patriotic blue hairs set their wooden teeth on edge about the disclosure of that rich colonial tradition of chomping on cherry tastin' child flesh.* 2 stars

Farscape: "Throne for a Loss" *Rigel, the royal pain in the rear.*  3 stars

"Hellraiser 2: Hellbound" uncut *The stigmata of Sigmund Freud, from the makers of 'Scratch it, sniff it, squeeze it, suck it,' now available at finer novelty shops.* 3 stars

Twin Peaks: "On the Wings of Love" *Hangover cures, hidden secret half-sister, hallelujah for the hard of hearing, hometown beauty pageant queen hitlist, and hoot owl hieroglypics.* 2 1/2 stars

Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs:  Randy Quaid in "Parents" *A Norman Rockwell painting hanging on the wall behind the desk at the Bates Motel.* 3 stars

The Outer Limits: "Blood Brothers" *Twelve immortal monkeys* 2 1/2 stars

"Kill List" 2011 -- *This feels like it could be a Garth Ennis story. It has old mates drinking together and shooting the shite about life. It has acts of extreme violence almost to the point  of dark comedy. It has a bleak poignancy. There's also the occult undertones like a Hellblazer comic.* 3 stars

William Hurt in Ken Russell's "Altered States" *Waiting, in a fish-bowl, for Godot.* 3 stars

Kolchak, The Night Stalker: "Chopper" *Stunt motorcycle riding, sword slashing specter with separation anxiety.* 3 stars

Farscape: "Back, and Back, and Back to the Future" *"Psychic Spanish-fly," alien lady combat, genetically structured spy seductress, quantum singularity also known as a blackhole used as a soul saving secret weapon of mass destruction that is seriously in jeopardy of being stolen or accidentally set off."* 3 stars

"The Wind" starring Meg Foster, Wings Hauser, & Steve Railsback *Swept up in stormy solitude and story.* 3 stars

The Outer Limits: "The Second Soul" *Lending our dead bodies, like they were used cars, to alien parasites, leads to some serious moral implications. Feels like a 50s style sci fi message about the dangers of multiculturalism given a more progressive twist at the end.* 2 1/2 stars

"Virgin Witch" --sexploitation-- *Prissy Galore throws a feisty spell when a group of dysfunctional devil worshippers decide they really, really fancy her.* 2 1/2 stars

Van Damme / Raul Julia "Streetfighter" *"Who wants to go home, and who wants to go with ME?!" Self aware dumb fun.*  2 1/2 stars

rifftrax' Mike Nelson riffs "xXx" starring Vin Diesel, Samuel L. Jackson, & Asia Argento *Double Ohhh Seven sez, "Do the DEW, dude."* 3 stars with riffing 2 stars without

[deepfriedtwinkie]

Kingsman: A Trainee’s Mission (Pt. VIII)

PREQUEL FIC, this section ~2,300w

pt. I  | pt. II  | pt. III  | pt. IV  | pt. V  | pt. VI  | pt. VII

.

.

It’s four of them left at the end. Harry, Hamish, and their final hurdles, Derrington and William. He thinks back to the moment they stood there, proposing agents at their shoulders, and listened to Arthur inform them they’d reached the final stage.

Everything had rung in his ears for the remainder of the night. Possibly it might’ve had a thing or two to do with being drugged, but there’s plenty reason enough to doubt it was only that. Surreality, for one thing. Utter surreality.

One sentence, and his goal was within reach. No other candidate craves this the way he does. They haven’t had the chance.

He’s finally reached the stage that’s going to change his life forever. One way or another.

Harry glances anxiously around the drawing room where he was told to wait, kneading his hands, minding Mr. Pickle at his feet. He’s trying to conjure up a focused mental review of his past twenty-four hours with Martin. There’d been plenty of advice, he was sure. Peppered with years of a seasoned field agent’s wisdom, cautionary tales, and all sorts of things like that. The problem is, the only thing he can seem to remember is the proper way to make a martini. Ice, gin, vermouth, shake, pour, garnish. It’s not very helpful at the moment.

His gaze jumps up when the door opens, expecting Arthur. Instead, it’s Hamish, Ainsley loping obediently at his heels. He shuts the door behind him and comes to sit, settling on the far end of Harry’s divan.

The two hold a shared look for a beat or two, capped off with singular nods. It’s a heavy moment, and that’s acknowledgment enough of that.

Until it isn’t, because who are they to kid themselves at this point.

“Are you nervous?” Hamish asks quietly. It’s the most pensive Harry’s ever heard him.

He can’t give that anything but honesty. He lets his head bob. “Yes. Very much.” Then he looks left, watching his friend contemplate his hands. “You?”

The silence lasts far longer than he expected it to. Hamish doesn’t look up. He hardly moves at all, in fact. It lasts until Harry is tempted to ask what the matter is.

Then, without preamble, he doesn’t have to.

“My aunt died three years ago,” Hamish says.

Immediately, Harry’s empathy is lead in his stomach. He wouldn’t dream of prodding this time.

“I was just a tyke when my parents’ car wrecked in the highlands. Didn’t even think twice before she took me in.”

He has to pause. Harry’s overwhelmingly compelled to let him off the hook.

“You don’t have to tell me any of this,” he insists softly.

Hamish’s head shakes. His hands cover his knees, and his glance finds the window. He continues. “We lived in Edinburgh. Got by all right on her pension, and she’d patch up the neighbors’ clothes for a discount whenever we needed a little extra. Worked her fingers to the bone for me, she did. Then, one day… Pneumonia. Ten days in hospital, and that was it. It was foster homes after that. Four, maybe five of them. Shit ones, mostly.”

The more of this he says out loud, the more vulnerability his stoic face betrays. Harry knows what’s coming. It doesn’t take a genius to get there.

“I turned eighteen a week ago,” Hamish reveals, and it’s the softest part of all. His eyes drift somewhere far away. “If this…”

He doesn’t say any more. They both know he doesn’t have to. Harry works out the rest on his own. There won’t be another foster home. Or any funds to follow his intern work to Berlin, either.

There’s nothing left for Hamish out there. Nowhere to go.

Maybe he’s not the one who wants this the most after all.

Harry wracks his brain for something to say. It takes several moments, but he lands on something he thinks might hit the right note. His inspiration licks her paw.

“Is Ainsley named after her?” he asks.

Hamish nods again. It’s hard to spot at first, but one side of his mouth shows signs of twisting toward amusement. “What’d you study at Oxford, anyway? Let me guess: psychology?”

“Political science major with a minor in entomology, specializing in lepidoptery.”

“Lepi-what-the-fuck?”

“It’s the study of butterflies.”

“I was right, you’re something the fuck else.” Grinning faintly now, Hamish sighs, and he retraces his mental steps, idly scratching behind his bloodhound’s ear. “Mrs. Ainsley. Her and my mother’s maiden name. That’s what she liked everyone to call her. God help the sod who didn’t. It was Aunt Ainsley to me, too, no exceptions.”

Hopefully it’s in good taste to ask questions again, because he can’t resist poking at the pattern he’s seeing. He’s a shit, after all. “Why was that?”

“Oh, her first name was Agathe. She fucking hated the thing.”

Harry’s urge to laugh slips free before he can temper it.  Slowly, it catches, and by the time Arthur appears in the doorway, the two of them are confusing the hell out of the dogs, employing sleeves to rid the tears from their eyes.

“We’re ready for the both of you,” Arthur says. “If and when you’re quite finished.” He gives nothing more to their antics past a single peaked eyebrow. It’s very evidently not his first foray, but he looks like he’d love for it to be the last. Harry straightens quickly, aware of Hamish doing the same.

The adjacent doors have opened as well. One to the right, the other left. Lamorak is framed in one. Lancelot in the other.

There’s one order of business left before he takes his summons. Standing tall, Harry protrudes his hand to Hamish.

“Good luck, friend.”

Hamish clasps it, shaking heartily.

“And to you.”

Whatever awaits, may we both be Kingsman when it’s through with.

Turning apart, they go their separate ways. Harry hears the shutting of doors behind him, comforted by Mr. Pickle’s loyal trot as he meets Agent Lamorak, entering a sunlit parlor. It’s the sort of room he’d love to read a book in. Maybe he will, once he’s an agent. Because he’s going to be an agent. He’s going to be.

“Have a seat,” Martin instructs. Harry does, and so does Mr. Pickle. Just look at you. You couldn’t possibly be better behaved. I hope you know how much I appreciate you making me look good on this.

After all this time, he knows better than to expect his instructions straightforwardly. He knows to wait for them. He’s still waiting when Martin reaches into his jacket, pulling out his handgun. Extending it to him.

“Take it,” he says.

The sinking feeling in the pit of his gut knows something that he doesn’t. He wishes it would tell him sooner than later. Harry takes the weapon cautiously, eyes plastered to the agent’s face, seeking out the answer.

“That’s a full clip.”

It seems a little obvious to point out. You don’t say? I’d have expected most Kingsman to carry around empties for the fun of it. The fact that he’s deflecting even in his own head is a fairly severe warning sign.

Something is wrong. Something awful is coming. He just doesn’t know what.

Until Martin calmly finishes his sip of liquor.

“Shoot the dog,” he says.

Harry’s world narrows to a single frame, zooming nauseously to a point, and that point is Mr. Pickle’s trusting face. He wants to retch. He wants to turn the gun on Martin, just for the suggestion, and fuck all he’s done for him. All he can do is stare at him in shock.

How can this be what you want from me? How can this be what you’re asking?

He wonders if his mother would fault him if he left this room and never looked back. He wonders how long it would take him to fault himself.

He rips his appalled gape away from Lamorak, landing it where it belongs, letting it soften to something between pure love and despair. Mr. Pickle shifts his weight patiently to new paws, unaware of any of this. Unaware that he… That this could…

He can’t even think it. He can’t imagine a world in which obeying that order is okay. In which he can live with himself in the aftermath. Every suit would be blood red to him. Every one of his triumphs tainted with the sickest form of selfishness, the murder of something that had unconditionally loved and trusted him, who hadn’t done a thing to anyone. A completely–

Harry’s mind reboots itself.

A completely innocent being.

A Kingsman only condones the risking of one life to save another.

Things begin to click faster than he knows what to do with them.

The net in the gorge.

The bombs that stopped at zero.

Why specifically tell me the gun was loaded, unless…?

The danger was never real. All this time, it was never real. We were only meant to think it was.

Martin isn’t asking mindless obedience. Kingsman aren’t killing machines, and they don’t want them. He’s asking for comprehension. He’s asking if he’s understood.

Harry bolts to his feet, hands quivering. He has to do it before his nerve fails him. He has to do it now. It has to be now.

His trembling aim rises. Then steadies, by force. Mr. Pickle’s amber eyes glint up at him from over the barrel. His revelation didn’t end his insides’ churn, and neither does that.

Please, please God, let me be right. Don’t let me hurt this dog. Please, I beg of you, don’t let me have gotten this wrong. Don’t let me be wrong…

He fires.

The pellet bounces off Mr. Pickle’s fur. He staggers backward with a whimper.

Nothing more.

The gun is on the ground and Harry’s dog is in his arms before he registers, even remotely, that the sound of his gunshot was doubled by the room across the way.

“Oh, I’m so sorry, sweetheart, did that nasty thing hit you?” Mr. Pickle is wriggling like mad, stretching to reach his face and lick every inch of it, and he wouldn’t have it any other way. Laughter bubbles out of him with tears, and it’s hard to tell which came first. “Oh, yes, I know. I know. I would never hurt you. I would never, ever hurt you, Mr. Pickle. Not for all the money in the world. Not for a thing.”

Martin rises while Harry’s still pressing soothing kisses to Mr. Pickle’s scruff. After another half-dozen or so, he finally senses he should pay attention, and looks over in time to see Martin replace his weapon, straighten his jacket, and offer his hand.

It’s then that it happens. He’s unprepared to commit it to memory, but he’s going to anyway.

“Welcome,” says Martin, “to Kingsman. Agent Galahad.”

Welcome to Kingsman.

Gently, Harry plops Mr. Pickle back to the floor. His eyes are full this time, and he makes no excuse for them. Reflex takes Martin’s hand for him. He barely feels his arm move.

Thank you, sir. His brain sends the command to his mouth. “And Derrington…?” is what incredulously comes out instead.

Please don’t let there be a chance of losing this. Don’t let there be an asterisk.

“Shot the dog, too,” Martin says, pumping his hand. Harry’s heart nearly stops, and so does the handshake. It’s Martin’s look that saves it. “Then thought the blank must be some mistake. Tried to take Geraint’s sidepiece and finish the job. I hear Molly bit him. No one stopped her, either. He’ll be on his way home once the dart wears off.”

Harry exhales so heavily his lungs might as well be raisins. Never in his life has he been so grateful a human being turned out that depraved.

“You’ve done it, Harry,” Martin confirms with a grin. “We all knew you could. Your mother will be extraordinarily proud.”

Mother… He’s got to phone her. He’s got to get to a telephone. He’s got to…

No, not yet. Not yet.

There was a second gunshot.

He grabs his mentor’s hand again, rattling away at his elbow like a lineman in a lever factory. “Thank you, sir. Thank you, I’m honored. I… May I be excused?”

There’s something knowing in Martin’s expression, and he nods. “Go on.”

Scooping up Mr. Pickle, Harry all but throws open the door. The one on the other side is already open, framing Lancelot again, only this time, smiling in the background. Hamish is already charging to the middle of the drawing room.

Grinning ear-to-ear.

“William?” Harry demands.

“Couldn’t do it; Kay sent him home.”

“Ainsley?”

“She’s all right.”

If there’s anything his memory allows him to keep about this day, anything that holds its clarity instead of fading to the blur of awe and adrenaline, Harry wants it to be this. The moment that he extends his hand again, this time brimming with the glee of a ten-year-old boy, standing tall in a Kingsman agent’s shoes.

“It’s an honor to be working with you, Merlin.”

No one else knows the relief on his friend’s face like he does. Hamish shakes, blinking back tears of his own. “And with you, Agent Galahad.”

“Agent Galahad!”

There’s no parrot in the room. It’s Martin again, emerging from the parlor holding a sheet of fax paper, radiating alarm.

“Don’t get comfortable. I’m going to need backup. Come with me. Your suit’s on the plane.”

“Merlin, to the control room, quickly. Arthur will meet you there,” Lancelot orders.

There’s only time for a sharp nod each, and Hamish claps Harry’s shoulder. Then the two of them are off down the corridors, scored by the sound of a piped-in radio broadcast.

For those of you just tuning in, the date is Wednesday, twenty-nine July, and what a beautifully clear morning for the wedding of the century…

.

pt. IX

[imlikepadfoot]

The All Hallows Eve.

@potterpourii because I couldn’t let go of this post about a time traveling Harry who listening to the Marauders’ future. This is not a long fic, but it was running through my mind.

The All Hallows Eve hadn't been the most enjoyable of nights for Harry since childhood. It wasn't his favorite night because he hadn't the chance to appreciated it as a kid. The Dursleys went with Dudley on the run and he was usually left alone with Madam Figg to eat old cake that tasted funny.

When they would come back he was allowed to only eat sweets that Dudley didn't like and they weren't that numerous. All of the kids at school had looked forwards to that party and as usual, he was the only one to not had a costume on that day. So Halloween's parties and festivities weren't telling much to Harry and above all of this (he really did not care about those futilities) his parents had been killed that very night.

He never felt any kind of connection with this night, but this time, things had been different. Harry finally drag his eyes from the crackling fire and look at him, trying to contain the beating of his heart, trying to conceal deep inside the fact that he was about the explode out of joy.

-You alright there Will? A voice called him as a warm hand gently squished his shoulder. Harry grinned and shook his head stretching himself as Sirius Black let himself loudly felt on the couch beside him.

-That was a hell of a party. James Potter's voice said as he came down from the dormitory, messing up his hair with one hand as he was carrying bottles of Fire Whiskey with the other.

-You could have restraint yourself from disguising you into the tales of the Little Red Riding Hood. Remus Lupin groaned, getting down from the dormitory too.

-That was fucking hilarious Moon' what are you talking about. Said Sirius before laughing, his barking-like laughter echoing in the almost empty Gryffindor common room.

-Why was I the grandmother? Squealed Peter who had been quiet since they had been up to the common room.

-Because you're too small you couldn't have played the wolf. James said to him.

-Besides, wasn't I a charming male version of that little girl? Asked Sirius, winking at Peter before drinking directly from the Fire Whiskey bottle.

-Yikes Pads' this is gross! Remus said with disdain, taking back the bottle. -You gonna gives us flees, I'm not quite sure you know what showering means and yikes again, we don't know where your lips had hung out tonight so take a glass.

Harry and James both laughed, exactly the same laughter and James called him out, telling him to stop imitated him in everything he was doing. Harry nods and tries to pull back to his nose his glasses. Be he wasn't wearing any. In fact, he wasn't exactly himself at the moment.

He was smaller than he should have been, his jet black hair that was normally stroking at the back of his neck like James's hair did were flat and pale, his bright green eyes surrounded by glasses were now blue and without glasses. He wasn't Harry Potter at all, he was William Bishop.

How did he had ended up there, sitting in the Gryffindor common room in 1976, with his father, godfather and favorite teacher? That was a long story. But he needed that and since Hermione was the youngest Minister for Magic that ever was, it had its advantage. After several forbidden charms and spells, some modified time turner, he had found himself back in time.

He had promised to not interfere in the course of time, to let thing unfold. Even though, he had struggled with himself for months, wanting to hint his fathers about what was awaiting him if he didn't stop trusting Pettigrew right away. Of maybe it was the other way around?

He had seen Sirius and his father behaviors toward the awkward little boy who was craving for their attention and it wasn't as he had thought it was. They were not always gentle to him and underestimated him most of the time. if they could have known that this was gonna be the main reason for their downfall, maybe they would have done things differently. But how could they know?

-So, Will? You hadn't talked much about you. Sirius suddenly said, handing him the bottle of Fire Whiskey.

-There is nothing much to say really. Harry smiled, passing the bottle in his hands, not properly knowing what would be the correct answer to give them. He had to be very careful about the personal information he gives them and he had found out they were curious, very curious.

It was no surprise that had managed to crack Remus's secret so easily and they were craving for knowledge of forbidden and mysterious things.

-Come on, okay so here's an easy one, what do you want to do, where do you think all of this. Sirius gesture theatrically at the castle's walls. -Will lead you. Like, where do you picture yourself in, let say, five years?

-What are you doing Pads? Remus laughed. -Those are crazy ass professor questions, leave him alone.

-No, those are not and besides, you're the one who's gonna be a god damn teacher Moony and you're gonna show those kids the Marauder's way. Said Sirius, almost screamed as James told him to lower his voice.

God, he was loud. Harry never knew this side of his godfather personality. Well, Azkaban most have drag out of him this aspect of himself because he was never been that over-excited from the time he had known him. Right now he was, confident, loud, obnoxious and didn't care at all about others could thing. That hadn't changed at all Harry thought.

He had found out though, even if he had already seen it in the Pensieve many years ago, that his father was the only one who was able to have some sort of control over him and it was also true for the other way around. Remus could move sky and earth and James or Sirius wouldn't bat an eye. But if one of them said something to the other, that was completely different.

-So, are you gonna answered us or just stared at us? Sirius told him, bringing Harry back from his thought.

-Well, I don't know. I guess… I guess I'm gonna be an Auror I don't really see where else I could be. He answered briefly. -What about you Sirius.

-Me? He said as his smirk grown wider on his face.

-Oh God, please don't start him. Peter sighs, rolling his eyes as he exchanges the same annoyed look with Remus.

-I want to travel this world, I can't stay put, I've been lock up long enough at Grimmauld Place. He said, looking into the fire. -I've got some few places I want to see, there is so much more to this world and who knows, maybe I'll find some exotic girl to be with. He said laughing.

-What about me, you traitorous brother! James yelled at him, trying to look both shocked and outraged.

-Don't do that, Prongs, who know I'll become an Auror when I'll be back! Anyway five years from now you gonna be married to Evans and you will have at least three kids, where would you find the time to travel this fucking world with me. He said with a smiled, throwing candy at James. -This is what you always wanted, stable life with the mother of your children.

-Booooring. Peter laughed and he did harder when he got hit in the face by a Chocolate Frog thrown at him by James.

-She will be at home with our kids and I will be Head of the Auror Office. Pompously said, James.

-No, you will not, you fat head, you'll just come out of your training you git. Remus told him, throwing him some Berty Bott's Every Flavors Bean.

-Yeah, well that would be the same, but I will be at the top of this stupid class trust me. I'm born to fight against the Dark Arts and I will do so until the very end. He said as he was putting his hands behind his head. -And Evans will be my wife, I want no one but her, and I shall have no one...

-She can't stand you mate. Said, Peter.

-Well, she will! She must, I mean things aren't bad like they used to be now aren't they? At least I can talk to her a bit before she tries to hex me.

-Or drown you in the Black Lake. Said Sirius, rolling his eyes.

-That was an accident! I fell into the lake she didn't push me!

-Yeah, whatever! So what about you Moon', you'll be a teacher there is no way you'll do something else. Sirius said with another theatrical gesture. -Besides, it suits you so well.

-Oh and why is that Pads, please do tell me. Remus asked him, frowning.

-Because you fucking love to lecture people and as a teacher, they would be forced to actually listen to your lectures, you would be ecstatic as fuck!

-Well at least I know I'd be the best teacher around here, can you imagine McGonagall face when Dumbledore would tell her he hired me as a freaking teacher. She may die of a heart attack for sure.

Everyone exploded with laughter at that taught and Harry was the one to laugh the hardest. He had never known what was Professor McGonagall feelings about Remus teaching at the school, but he was right. He would be the best freaking teacher of Defence Against the Dark Arts the school ever has.

-What would you like to teach? Harry asked him and Remus shook his head and shrugs his shoulder.

-I don't know, honestly, I'd rather be working at the Ministry of Magic in the Dangerous Creature Department. He told him.

-You don't even like Care for Magical Creatures Moony. Peter reminds him.

-I know, but I want things to change…. He sighs. -If we won this bloody war there is hope for people like --- for people who had terrible diseases you know. He turns to Harry and looks at him with gravity. -Did you know that werewolves, for example, are not as bad as Greyback? But because of him, they are hunt down like mere animals who aren't worthy of the life they had been giving. I want that to change, even if people would rather stay blind about this.

-I think this is a wonderful idea, Remus. Harry smiled at him. -I… huh… I knew someone who had been turned into a werewolf --- the four turned briskly their heads in his direction as he was speaking, Remus in particular. -And I would have loved for him to be free of all of this nonsense and hiding.

Since his arrival in 1976 he had befriended the Marauders, but still, he wasn't exactly one of them so he had to be careful. They didn't know that he was aware of Remus ''illness'' that he knew about so many other things that he couldn't share with them.

-Pet'? Then asked James, turning to his friend who was quite. -What about you?

-Me? He said looking at them all, seeming stressed. -I don't know… I'm not particularly good at anything so I guess I'll just have to… try on some jobs and wait until I find the one that suits me the most… this is really the only plan I've got from now.

-Well, this is pretty interesting. Sirius laughed before yawning stupidly, taking another sip of Fire Whiskey, sneering and frowning at the taste. -So we've got three Aurors and one so much more awesome than the other two because I'll be a citizen of this world. He laughed harder when James threw him some candy. -And two boring Ministry Employees.

-I guess things are gonna change when we'll be out of the castle. Remus said, getting up before stretching himself.

-Five years from now on, things will be exactly the same as they are now Moon', don't you worry. We've got each other, everything will be fine, what could possibly happen? James said.

Everything would be fine. Harry had stuck to his father words, looking at them, their conversations seeming blank in his mind. Everything would turn to ashes he thought, everything would feel like a living hell. Five years from now, specificity five years and their world would change for ever. He'll die trying to protect his family, to protect him. Sirius would wrongly turn into a mass murderer because Petter over there would have found the perfect job.

And Remus. Remus would be left alone, thinking that Sirius had betrayed them all, mourning the death of James and Lily and Peter. Five years from now there laughed joyful little gang would be no more, they would have been divided long before with fear and doubt and suspicion. Harry would have given anything to froze time. To change the course of even just to stay with them, like this, laughing eating candies and drinking really bad Fire Whiskey.

That was perfect, that was what should have happened. They should have stayed like this, young, full of promises and hope that they were going out there to do something better with this world when in reality, that was their sacrifice that would help this world.

Harry suddenly stand up, telling them that he was going to sleep. He couldn't bear this anymore. He couldn't stand to look at them, so happy and innocent talking about the future they'll never have. He had gone through many insane things as such a young age but this. This he couldn't stand anymore and he would have rather face Voldemort once more than listen to his family predicted so wonderful things for themselves while they would be rotting six feet under ground in reality.

Life was unfair and cruel, and this scene was the ugly proof that they had been puppets of destiny and they couldn't have done nothing to escape that faith, even if they were all so brilliant. Harry let himself fall on his four wall poster bed and closed his eyes, tears dropping slowly as he wipes quickly wipe them.

His chest was hurting him as he tried to calm down, as he hardly told himself that he couldn't change the course of history, things were this way and he couldn't do anything about it, even though he was there, years before his time laughing with them. That was bullshit, that as painful and he couldn't stand it anymore.

It had been a wonderful dream, so wonderful days spend with them, learning about them, learning about what they could have been if the wars and that fatal night of 1981 hadn't killed them all. Because Sirius and Remus may have not been physically dead, but they died inside and Harry understand it on this day like never before. All of this because one of them choose the wrong side.

No more Halloween nights, cheering and laughing because of one's decision. No more puns about Sirius's name, no more whiny James talking about Lily and no more laughing Remus telling them to shut up. All of this because of one's decision. Harry had never felt so helpless in his whole life and that was the worst feeling to ever existed.

[kwooj-blog]

           ( squidward ab crunches: FUUUUUTUREEEEE....FUUUUUTURREEE..... ) hey, loves ! i’m vera, 18, from the cst timezone, and i’m so excited to be sharing my beb kwon woojin with everyone. i don’t have any of his stats or plots up yet, but they’re linked here for future reference when i do happen to work on ‘em. anyway, this rp seems so, so interesting and everyone’s charas seem incredible.♡ looking forward to everything, so let’s get started !

scanning KWON WOOJIN, they are 21 years old and read as ASSERTIVE but VULNERABLE, which explains why they are referred to as the THE FLIGHTLESS BIRD. before virtual reality HE was ABOUT TO CONFESS TO KILLING HIS FRIEND and living in THE UNITED STATES. they’ve been said to look incredibly similar to KIM NAMJOON, but they’ve never seen it. in this new virtual world, he plans on LIVING THE LIFE HE ALWAYS WONDERED ABOUT and hopes to NEVER GO BACK to reality.

tw: death, murder, blood, violence.

“the flightless bird” potential unachieved, someone who has evolved from their current state, feels grounded, can’t find anyone to accept them for who they are, believes freedom is a hollow farce

_ ____BEFORE VIRTUAL REALITY_ _  _

born in rural boseong, south korea as kwon woojin » transferred to an orphanage in seoul, adopted at a very early age by an american family » moves to the united states as william harris

was born to teenage parents, but small town social norms would’ve made life hell for the family, so they decided to keep the pregnancy a secret and give him away

ends up being adopted by the harris family who are slightly older than most parents (weren’t able to have a biological second child, but really wanted a son) and raise will in a loving home with an older sister

grows up pretty happy, becomes that one Smart Stoner kid in high school, known for being genuine, goofy, and clumsy, and is generally living for the good times

takes a trip during fall to colorado with a group of friends where they plan to drink dangerous amounts of alcohol and get high near the mountains, camping and making memories

spoiler alert: shit happens

will has a bad trip after experimenting with some mushrooms someone had found, and it hits him hard while he’s alone and trying to find his way back to the group after taking a piss

becomes ultra paranoid, sees a figure to his side with “glowing, beady” eyes, lunges after it, starts beating it up to where blood stains his body and his hands are bruised, pounding into it hard until it stops fighting back and........screaming his name ?? ?

not completely aware of what he’s done until he’s back with his friends and CONFLICT occurs between the entire group, concerned and scared and ultimately deciding to hide the biggest secret of all of their lives: will accidentally killed his friend

return home claiming the friend went missing, treating it as such until an investigation is created, and a few months pass in agony - late winter/early spring, pressure builds as new evidence leads to the possibility that the friend was murdered when the body is found and identified

friends are in turmoil, missing school, acting strange, arguing with each other, and everything is looking like it’s beginning to fall apart....and then woojin becomes the first of the group to be called in for questioning

he’s become sensitive, unable to cope, guilty af and just downright terrified, and when he’s sitting in front of the detectives, not meeting their eyes, tears prickling his eyes when they ask him over what felt like hours was elijah killed? — . . .yes — do you know who killed him? — . . .yes — who?

and it’s right in the middle of sobbing that he begins with i—then the world around him changes

_ ____AFTER VIRTUAL REALITY_ _  _

SO after that dramatic af moment, to say the least he arrived thoroughly SHAKEN and STIRRED into this new version of life

acted recklessly in the beginning of the month he arrived, but now he’s taken up the name he knew he was born with and is hellbent on changing his life

also, even though he was content with his life in the united states, he still had the thoughts and concerns about what his life could’ve been like if he was never given away or adopted

therefore, he’s going to live as if he never had that past of his and he desperately doesn’t want to go back to the real world because he’s petrified of what will happen once he finishes that sentence of his confession

currently going to be studying neuroscience in one of the universities, leaving behind his past self’s major in english literature and writing for the study of the chemical relationships in the brain because he can’t help but hate himself for not being more knowledgable about it when he was in the real world

_ ____WHO HE IS_ _  _

stays away from drugs and weed now, i wonder why  w o w, in the process of cutting his alcohol intake too but fuck a dude gotta live with SOMEthing can’t he, uugh

used to be sUCH a foolish, light-hearted bean sprout but poor bby has become a lot more serious and cautious since the events that occurred while camping

it doesn’t mean he isn’t friendly, and he’s still outgoing and silly, but it’s so SO much more toned down from the way he was before

but if he’s ever with people who know him well now or that he likes, traces of his childish, endearing nature will definitely pop up

likes cute things, when it rains while the sun goes down, books, tattoos, cheeto puffs, kissing, taking selfies, and mayonnaise (don ‘ t ju dg e hi mm,,, okay??)

dislikes overly aggressive people, wet socks, tight clothes, waking up early, others telling him what to do, and mustard (we started with a condiment so we gonna end with a condiment, fight me)

doesn’t actually know much korean after being raised in the united states, only knew the basics as a kid but slowly forgot as he got older » self-studied a bit more when he started college because he felt stupid for not knowing the language of his parents

however, he is fluent in english and even spanish after taking it for language credits in school

debating about keeping purple/silver-haired!joonie aesthetics,, hmmm....

so much muse for this beb, cry with me die with me laugh with me pls ily