#there's just this chasm of experience I don't know how to bridge

[sapphicautistic]

I had such a specific and strange upbringing in many ways and there are so many ways in which joining my partner's family has really brought that home. Again and again.

My partner and I have so many things we have to explain to each other, like we're from different cultures almost even though we're essentially not. And it's normal for different families to have different traditions. But I'm always aware of the fact that her family's traditions and foodways and social expectations and history are essentially normal in a way my family's never was or will be.

They have their little family-specific things of course but overall, they have a shared history and culture with lots of interconnected families. They can so easily find people of a similar background that they expect many of their traditions and expectations and history to be not just instantly understood but frequently shared even among the people they meet as strangers—and they often are.

But there's so much that my siblings who came up with me are the only people in the world can really understand.

When I ask my partner about something her family does, it's often essentially a question about how things are normally done for people of their background. When she asks about mine, I'm often finding myself grasping for words to explain arcane knowledge so specific that half a dozen people at most can fully understand it.

I know it's not that deep and we have much more in common than not. But my isolated and weird upbringing haunts me. I'm not only an outsider for being autistic and disabled, two traits her family readily accepts and are supportive of. I'm also constantly playing catch-up with what's normal. I don't even know what I'm expected to already know by default. It makes me feel alien.

And then I call one of my siblings and they know without any explanation a hundred things I don't even know how to articulate to my partner. It makes me feel very far from home, even though our family was never really integrated into the place where we grew up either. We were strangers there too.

[missoneminute]

As the resident "Peter person" which frankly is in short supply in these parts (listen, I mock y'all but with love), I get being on Peter's side in like, 2004. I was, I get it.

I bought into a lot of the narrative Peter spun, about how wounded and betrayed he was. And he was, that is fair. But Peter is very good at whining, and it takes a while a work out that for every raw truth he speaks, he has ten more fleeting agendas on the go, and all of them literally contradicting each other. And back then, Carl was just, really, really guarded - he was a lot, lot quieter than Peter on that front, he wasn't airing that laundry every fucking time he opened his mouth, unlike the big one. It was easy to see him as aloof, his motivations unclear and untrustworthy. Yeah, there was the occasional tearful interview, but Peter was LOUD. Very, very loud, and right after that he got so ridiculously famous that Carl's narrative was utterly drowned under the noise of it all. I can even admit it took me until I saw There Are No Innocent Bystanders to understand that these two people carried equal wounds, equal love, equal obsession and walked away from that experience both extremely damaged, and with a huge chasm in their lives only the other could fill. But in the intervening years it also became clear that you can't always trust what comes out of Peter's mouth. He may say the exact opposite exactly five minutes later, and for all the genuine, horrible pain he went through with that band, and with Carl, it's undeniable that he caused most of it. He wasn't well, neither of them were, they each handled it badly, as you'd expect a pair of mentally ill, drug addicted, codependent weirdos would. In hindsight, it's all incredibly visible, how it all played out and that there's no one left to blame, as the song goes. But that is what gets me. As someone who went on that whole journey, who absolutely took a side at the time, I cannot fathom how in the year 2024, with everything right in front of us and 20 some years of history so entirely exposed, how anyone held onto those prejudices, when those two men themselves have not. And if you got as far as 2010 still on a side, I don't know how you held onto it by sheer force after seeing them spill their hearts like they did. So, really, when I see these absolute muppets on certain Facebook groups act like it's 2004 and we haven't had a literal decade of water under the bridge and twenty years to gauge what these men's personalities are actually like, it's honestly embarassing. At the bare minimum people ought to grow up at the same rate as the band they love. If they can put it all behind them, y'all ain't doing anyone any favours pretending the sound of Peter spitting in a cup would be better than a Libs album just because you still think you gotta protect him from a man he loves and who loves him, dearly.

[tiny-maus-boots]

Darkest of Nights pt 20

A/N: i have to thank @chloes-yellow-cup and @kimmania for always encouraging me and reminding me that my words aren't dumb. I love you awesome nerds.

Aubrey

She had almost forgotten what it felt like to have intimate desires but now that her body recalled the joys of ecstasy she thirsted for more than mere blood. All her years and experiences had not prepared her for the heights of passion they ascended to nor the depths of devotion she certainly did not feel worthy of yet basked in nonetheless. Even now, hours after Beca had finally drifted off to sleep on Chloe’s chest, she could not seem to stop herself from covering the smaller woman's back with butterfly light kisses.

Fingers threaded through her hair and she glanced up to find Chloe watching her with an expression so filled with warring emotions that Aubrey had no hope of guessing what she was thinking.

“I'm sorry.”

The blonde raised a brow and frowned slightly. Aubrey repositioned herself so that she could meet Chloe’s unflinching gaze. Beca mumbled sleepily and burrowed into the redhead’s chest even as she pulled Aubrey’s arm around her waist. 

The momentary distraction made them both smile at the woman happily tucked between them. Whatever concerns the necromancer previously held about them it was very clear that was no longer an issue. After a beat of silence Chloe spoke softly.

“I didn't know it would be this way. I didn't understand, even seeing you go through it I just couldn't understand…"

“Chloe…”

“I resented you for choosing him even though it was my own fault you couldn't choose me. And even after he was gone, when the world had changed, you chose the memory of a ghost over me.”

Aubrey didn't know what to say to any of that but Chloe didn't seem to need her to say anything. The ragged edge of grief flowed through their new connection and Beca whimpered softly.

“I couldn't possibly have understood how it would feel to lose all…this. I see that now. And I am so deeply sorry Aubrey. All this time I thought you were…I didn't understand and I am sorry. I'm so very sorry I left you alone.”

Aubrey raised her hand to trace a pale finger along the perfectly curved line of Chloe's brow. How did they begin to bridge the chasm of hurt between them? Even now with this newness, this one perfect thing they shared, she knew they would need to overcome much to trust again. 

“Were I to count each time you were at my side as a drop of water we would be drowned in a sea of your love and loyalty. You shouldered my burdens as your own, fought my wars, celebrated my victories and stared down the madness of my demon. You stayed when I gave you no reason or hope. You never left me.”

“But…”

Aubrey cupped Chloe’s cheek and brushed a thumb gently over her jaw. Even in the chaos of Harun's death, even in the depth of her pain and insanity and destroying all in her path, Chloe had been there. 

“Should I live another thousand years I would spend it on bent knee to be at your side. I will never forsake you Chloe.” 

Beca sniffled between them and they both looked down to find her watching them with tear filled eyes.

“Damn, vampire wedding vows are for serious.”

Chloe’s light laugh brought a smile to her lips and she snuggled back down content in the knowledge that there was nothing they could not overcome together. Aubrey nuzzled Beca's shoulder, comforted by the strong steady heartbeat and warm body in her arms.

“Technically there aren't vows exactly. We mostly just drain a virgin together and then the wedding party rampages through a village until sunrise.”

“Tsk, Aubrey, don't scare her. We don't do that anymore. Honest. We don't.”

“I dunno Bree, me thinks our lady protest too damn much.”

“Chloe always did love a good party.”

“I can't believe I'm joking about eating people on someone's wedding day with vampires.”

“As if you didn't just spend an inordinate amount of time between Chloe's legs doing just that.”

Beca nearly purred with satisfaction. “Yeah I did.”

Aubrey chuckled into Beca's back as the pain in their connection was washed away by a love that was deepening with every gentle caress and soft kiss and teasing joke. They couldn't go back and unbreak themselves, no more than they could go back and rescue Beca’s family and give her a life worth living, but they could move forward and forge something much stronger. 

Beca kissed along Chloe’s collarbone and lust swelled through their bond. She would never tire of that feeling. It was different from what she had shared with Harun. It had been no less consuming with him than it was now but somehow with Chloe and Beca the bond resonated with more intensity than she had ever felt. 

Aubrey grazed her hand over the swell of Beca’s hip intent on rekindling their passions when a knock sounded far too loudly to be anything but trouble. Chloe growled deeply in frustration.

“I'm so going to let Aubrey murder whoever is at our door.”

Something about what Chloe said made Beca inhale sharply but she didn't comment. Aubrey opened her mouth to question it but another knock, much more demanding than the last cut her off. Yes she definitely would murder whoever was at the door. The blonde rose with a growl and stomped to the other room.

“Wait!”

Aubrey froze in place for a moment. She knew Beca hadn't meant to push her power through the command intentionally, it had just been the lingering effects of exploring their bond so intimately. But nevertheless she stood, immobile for a moment longer than she was comfortable with before she was able to break the control.

“Oh shit I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to do that! I just…robe?”

Chloe laughed and snagged a robe from the back of the chair by the bed and flung it to Aubrey. She looked at in confusion then glanced back at the two women in bed.

“Robe?”

“You're naked my love. While I have no complaints about what's all on display, I don't think Beca is ready for you to display it for everyone else to see.”

Oh. She blinked once, still processing what that meant. Was Beca uncomfortable with nudity? Perhaps not, with the way she was being openly leered at by the brunette. Mortals had such strange conventions about modesty. Aubrey slid the covering over her shoulders and belted it as another knock sounded. 

“Better?”

Beca flushed a deep red and nodded. “Yeah but now I kinda want you to hurry so I can peel that robe right off you.”

“Cheeky.” Aubrey smiled and tightened her belt with a small approving sound. “I like it.”

She was just able to make out Chloe’s laugh as she closed the door between the bedroom and living space. Aubrey squared her shoulders and strode to the entrance and flung it open to glare at whoever dared knock. She had barely pulled the door open when Einar's barrel chest pushed through.

“Einar…”

“Forgive me my Queen but my daughter is not answering her phone.”

“We were busy.”

“My Queen, we are about to be at war. What could you pos…”

Aubrey raised a brow and his fanged mouth snapped shut with a too loud click in the suddenly over quiet living room. The realization of what had been keeping them distracted and occupied filled his face with a slow dawning horror that was most amusing to behold. And she was just petty enough to dig the blade in further.

“Was there a reason for interrupting our lovemaking?”

The large vampire gave himself a slight shake to try and dispel the nightmare knowledge in his mind that his daughter was alone and naked in bed with a necromancer and a half demon.

“L-lovema... No…yes…what?”

A soft throat clearing behind them made them both turn to see Beca standing in the doorway to the bedroom fully dressed. She looked nearly as uncomfortable as Einar did at the situation and Aubrey couldn't help the grin that slid across her face.

“Not to ruin a sweet overshare moment that in no way shakes my confidence whatsoever, but maybe this is kinda important?”

The blonde vampire rumbled a soft growl but nodded a curt agreement and gestured to a chair while she sprawled out on the chaise. Einar let his eyes drift everywhere but to them as if he couldn't stand to see them without the nightmare scene starting again.

“So big guy, what's up?”

Beca settled herself on the edge of the chaise with Aubrey, her back pressed lightly against the vampire’s legs. Just that small touch eased the irritation she felt rising at Einar's presence. He blinked once more and regained his composure with a grateful nod to Beca.

“Apologies for the erm. Intrusion. It appears we have company arriving and I thought it best to be prepared in advance.”

The door clicked open and Chloe glided into the room, freshly dressed and mildly flustered herself. Neither father nor daughter managed to look the other in the eye.

“It can't be the Guard. Not this soon anyway.”

He grunted his agreement at that and made a vague sheepish gesture. His shoulders hunched and big hands rubbed at his face. Aubrey thought he was acting the role of a child but kept it to herself. Perhaps it was not just mortals that had conservative thoughts on modesty.

“No, not the Guard. Something…else. Whoever they are, they are gathering with speed. I expect them to arrive by morning.”

“Well that's not fucking ominous or anything.” Beca stood and paced the room as she pondered the possibilities. “So what are we talking about here? Minotaurs? Demons? Aliens? Gotta be honest. If it's aliens I think I have to tap out. Because I'm not entirely sure what probing is all about but I'm absolutely certain I won't enjoy it.”

Aubrey unfolded herself from the chaise and gestured regally to the door. She didn't have to speak the command for him to understand he was dismissed. She would rather they discuss this without others there to offer unwanted insight. He started to leave but Beca stopped him with a hand on his arm. To his credit he only flinched a little in surprise. 

“Wait. Uh please. Would it be possible to maybe meet up with the vampires here? I know I'm not the most popular person here but I am here. And um I'm not going anywhere so maybe I should apologize. For earlier.”

Einar looked at her curiously then glanced to Chloe. The redhead inclined her head and he blinked. 

“I will make it so, little Necromancer.” He gave her a small bow and backed away to leave. Einar stopped and looked over a broad shoulder at Beca, still unsure what to make of her but perhaps willing to give her a chance to be more than the boogeyman. “We will gather in the grand hall, whenever you are ready.”

They stood in silence alone for a moment after he had gone before the brunette rocked on her heels.

“I think he likes me.”

[enkisstories]

To reach the ruins the investigators had to cross a suspended bridge over a deep chasm.

Gavin: "Can you manage? This is quite high..."

Daniel: "Why the question?! If you ask that, it means you KNOW I had a traumatic experience in a high altitude location!"

Gavin: "I read the police protocols of your capture, is all."

Daniel: "No, I don't believe you! You watched the FOOTAGE! You watched how they SHOT me and how I knelt there in my own blood!"

Gavin: "Danny? Life just has become more risky. I cannot refuse a single second of laying my eyes on you."

Daniel: "I... You..."

Gavin: "Just tell me I'll never again have to see - and especially not hear - that dork of an RK800, who arrested you!"

Daniel: "Oh my god, don't start me on that thing! We should be safe from that as long as we don't investigate at CyberLife tower."

---

It's the second week of September. Enjoy your two Connor-free months, you two ;-)

[cryptidsurveys]

Wednesday, October 9th, 2024.

What would you say if your parents said you were moving away?: If my dad walked in right now and said we were moving, then I would rapid-cycle through a whole bunch of conflicting emotions. Confusion. Curiosity. Excitement. Sadness. Fear. A lot would also depend on where we were moving. Somewhere within the same city wouldn't bring about the same level of feeling as would moving somewhere in the mountains (which would be a dream to me as long as it was close enough that I could continue going to the animal shelter, seeing my current therapist, etc). Moving out of state just seems unnecessary and would probably upset me more than anything. I've started to build my life here, and I really don't want to leave it all behind.

Is it awkward to talk to someone you haven’t in a really long time?: It would depend on who it was. I could easily strike up a conversation with Roxann (the owner of the pet shop where I did that DVR work experience) like no time had passed at all. Running into an old high school friend or an ex-partner would be a totally different story. I've changed, they've changed; I wouldn't even know where to start bridging some sort of connection. I'd probably just awkwardly ask them how they've been and then quickly be on my way.

Do you enjoy cooking?: I used to. I would love to get back into it, but it's so hard to overcome the inertia of my already established routines. Maybe the next time I go grocery shopping, I'll plan out at least one meal to cook.

Has anyone really hurt your feelings lately, intentionally or not?: Not exactly. A recent situation made me feel anger, resentment, remorse, and shame, but it wasn't like that person "hurt my feelings" in the typical sense.

Are you good at making people feel good about themselves?: I don't know whether I'm good at it or not, but I definitely try to be conscious of how I make other people feel. Aside from rare occasions, I don't set out to make people feel bad about themselves. If I did so unwittingly, then I would feel pretty awful about it. Heck, even knowingly trying to hurt someone would make me feel bad in the aftermath.

Do you wish you could go back and change anything about your childhood?: I wish I hadn't been so anxious about going to school. The (unfounded) fear and reluctance, so out of place for someone who was a relatively good student, really derailed my life. I know there's no use in "what ifs," but I do wonder how differently my life would have turned out if that initial fracture hadn't been allowed to grow into an enormous chasm. Aside from that, despite the underlying family dysfunction, I feel like I had a pretty good childhood. Lots of quintessentially good times, good memories…

Have you ever been overseas?: No.

If you are in school, what’s your favorite class?: I'm not in school.

Who’s your favorite rapper?: I don't have one.

What is one of the funniest things one of your relatives has ever said?: Like distant relatives? Not immediate family? I'm not sure.

Do you like your parents?: I love my dad. He's my favorite person in the whole world. I feel guilty as fvck that I can't so easily say that I love my mom. I definitely don't hate her, but it's complicated. I was just starting to feel more genuine warmth and affection for her, but then the situation happened and now I'm just like…welp. :') I don't even know how to feel. It's like this huge unmovable rock was plunked down in the middle of us and now I have to figure out how to relate to her around that rock while simultaneously pretending it doesn't exist.

What would you do if your mom told you she was pregnant?: That's not possible.

What would your mom do if you told her you were pregnant?: Hmm.

How old will you turn in 2009?: I turned 20.

Are you excited about that?: I don't remember how I felt about it.

What is the last reason someone yelled at you?: I had a bad fight with my dad last October, but other than that, I can't remember the last time someone yelled at me.

Do you feel like you’ve made a fool of yourself recently?: It feels that way a little bit, but it's probably worse in my head than in reality.

Have you ever kissed someone of the same sex?: Yeah.

Do you like Mariah Carey?: I don't listen to her.

What don’t you like about your current outfit?: I don't really dislike anything about it. It's just sweatpants and a hoodie. Homebody pajama stuff. Not intended to impress.

Have you ever considered changing religions?: Not drastically or instantaneously. I've never been a particularly religious person. I did go to church when I was younger, but that was more of a casual thing than a strict belief system. Overall, my religious/spiritual path has been a meandering one. A little bit of this. A little bit of that. Trying to figure out what resonates and what works versus what doesn't.

Do you think you have nice feet?: Nooo. A dream fragment from last night involved being barefooted and I was just like…!!! Don't look at my feets!!!

Where did you get your name?: I chose it.

Name one thing you could not go without for a week?: YouTube.

Have you ever been caught sneaking out?: I don't think I ever snuck out.

Where is your favorite place to be alone?: In my room.

What are you currently worried about?: Nothing immediate. Life is chill right now. Thank goodness because September sure was...something...

Do you have any gift cards in your wallet?: It's not in my wallet, but I do have a gift card from the animal shelter from last Christmas that I still haven't used yet. D;

[cress-meadowforge]

"There's not a perfect answer, nor a right one," Cress shifted, sitting more on her hip. They spent every day together, but there'd never been more distance. Every day, she felt the chasm grow. Slate, numbing himself into a stupor, drowning his pain away. And Cress, unable to soothe herself with even just a proper cup of tea. It was a different kind of torture, to experience this all with total, searing sobriety. "You don't have to know what you say. I just..." Could she bridge the gap here? Make a bid for him? For his honesty? "I just want to know how you feel. Truly." Was he still capable of it? Of feeling?

Slate sat when it was done as well, leaning back on his arms, peering up at the sky. "I don't know what to say," he admitted. There weren't many moments of clarity between the two of them lately -- and that was by design, by his design -- but this was one where the clouds seemed to have parted just slightly. He could admit that he didn't know what to say, despite what Bram had told him, that he was supposed to be the voice of truth. Despite that all of his crimes, everything he'd done, had stemmed from speaking, from writing. From telling what he believed to have been the truth. What was still, in some other reality, the truth.

[anywherebuthere]

we were both young when I first saw you || f.w.

Fred Weasley x fem slytherin!reader

"you burn me away until there is nothing left for you to hold."

Wordcount: 986

A/N: Shakespeare wishes he was me 😩🙏 this is a joke I'm very sorry. But uhhh, I wrote this cause I was feeling sad and it's not great but whatever 🤸‍♀️ title has no real correlation to the fic, it's just there because of Taylor's new album hehe.

Warnings: mediocre writing, angst but really bad, self destructive fred (only shown in relationship context), maybe a wee bit toxic </3 no happy ending

Please do not repost this!! I do not consent to this piece of fiction being published on any other site besides tumblr unless it is by my doing.

wanna be tagged? join my taglist!

It wasn't that Fred had never noticed her.

On the contrary, it was rather hard not to.

She was always there, at the center of every class discussion, the embodiment of angelic grace in the eyes of their peers. Gazes followed her wherever she went and he would be lying if he said he was an exception.

The difference was that she noticed him back.

Moments in which they lingered on the outskirts of their circles, though far and few in between, existed. Quick darting glances and the brush of fingers as they passed in the halls were the extents of their interactions, neither daring to cross the perpetual divide between them.

In his eyes, the chasm of difference was unbridgeable. They were separated by opposing forces and as time passed, the abyss became endless in their polarity.

While she wore green, he wore red, the colours contrasting against each other in the segregated rows of classrooms.

While her robes were brand new and tailored, his had already been worn by all three of his older brothers.

While she sat serenely, he fidgeted, never feeling content in the stilted quiet.

She was creation, a paragon of life, flouncing from experience to experience, friendship to friendship.

He was ruination, determined to live a life of destruction, leaving chaos in his wake so long as it brought him laughter.

Cautious, calculating.

Callous, carefree.

But what was more temptatious than the impossible?

So the flitting gazes persisted. Brushing hands became the briefest linking of pinkies, palms meeting in the smooth press of a palmer's kiss as they passed. In their prolonged touches, their world of difference closed, the rift seemingly gapped.

Secret passageways became the center stage for whatever it was they shared; the scraps of feeling and sweet nothings exchanged under dim candlelight and damp corridors.

It wasn't much but it was enough.

And to her, it was everything.

How cruel of the universe to so fervently push two souls together only to rip them apart as fast as they came.

-

A life of hardship and struggle had not allowed him to grow accustomed to nice things. Fred resented things he didn't have and when he did have them, he did not understand how to look after them.

Some things were meant to be handled with care, and in the aftermath of their heated touch, a purgatory free of sin, he would forget that she was not another thing for him to break.

"You didn't think I was taking you to the Yule Ball did you?" he snorted, aiming his gaze to the low stone ceiling of their passageway, perhaps subconsciously avoiding the look of hope that had adorned her face. One of which had crumpled at his harsh tone just now.

His palms grew clammy and he sensed her shifting away from him. He snuck a glance down at her and felt a pang deep within his chest at the sight of her slowly folding into herself.

"Yeah no, it was uhm- just an idea," she responded, lip pursed, her voice whittling down to a trace of a whisper.

"I was actually thinking of asking Angelina. Johnson? You know her right?" he continued. He wasn't sure what compelled him to say this. He hadn't been thinking of asking Johnson.

In fact, for the last week, he had thought of nothing but what it would be like to dance with her under the night sky. Of how the moonlight would reflect off her silky skin. So why was he twisting the knife in her heart further?

She had been the one that had taken the first jump across their chasmic divide. Despite the lion crest adorning his jumper and the snake on hers, he had been the coward. His bravery was nowhere to be found when it came to the unknown.

She knew that she wanted him.

All he knew was fire and his innate ability in burning away the beauty around him, bit by bit until nothing remained but ash.

She didn't return the next night.

Or the next after that.

-

"Look I said I was sorry, I don't know what more you want me to say" Fred exclaimed, exasperated.

She refused to meet his gaze, her face flushed in frustration and he swore he caught a glimpse of tears in her eyes. He faltered.

She had returned to the drafty hall after a week. A week in which he continued to show up, waiting in hopes that she would come back and they could resume whatever semblance of a relationship they had shared.

Pride and dignity be damned, he was ready to grovel at her feet. When the time came, however, he was left stuttering, unsure. The unknown loomed over him, awash with uncertainty and insecurity.

He had made her cry.

In the midst of this realization, she mumbled something, though it was lost to the buzz in his ear as he witnessed himself destroyed yet another perfectly good thing.

"W-what?" he mumbled, dazed.

"I asked why you're ashamed of me," she said, louder this time.

For the first time tonight, under the heavy cloak of shadow in their corridor, she looked him in the eye. Her lip was quivering, eyes shining with unshed tears, though her voice remained clear.

Creation, clarity, control. She was the very essence of everything he was not and would never be.

He will never be enough for her.

Taking his silence as an answer, she turned away from him for the last time.

He will never be able to stop hurting her.

Suddenly the bridge across their divide crumpled and he watched her crumble with it, the ashes of their time together blowing away in the wind as she stepped forward.

He will never be able to cross the rift between them again.

His answer to her question died away on his tongue.

"It's me that you should be ashamed of."

taglist: @mollysolo @gxtitobxby @anchoeritic @catching-the-train-to-hogwarts

[blurredlandscape]

Why am I living haunted by regret? What do I even regret? ... is regret a form of self punishment? Do you experience it through comparison? Like when you think someone has it better than you..? I even regret the things that’ve never happened Like not being with you.. Is that even regret?? How can I hold that pain within my chest? Locked behind the stranglehold of my jutting ribs.. Like a bird's cage of gilded bone Letting the opressive weight expel the air out of my lungs.. I hoped never to inhale again.. Becuase it hurts Just press me deeper and deeper into the soft secure earth.. Into the ground I cannot keep regretting the things that I have no control over. I genuinely gave it my all I threw everything at you All my energy exerted Torn from my breast. All to acheive this one thing.. But what was the thing? I was devoted.. Maybe the most devoted I've ever been.. Maybe I regret that the most.. The fact I offered up so much of myself.. My will, passions, and heart Injected into you and yet.. I still couldn't affect you I couldn't touch the realities of your soul So intensely desirous of you that I'd feel weathered unceasingly Bone-deep fatigue Weariness from every corner The emptying of my soul To pour over your body.. And it still wasn't enough.. I'm sad that its shimmer never affected your gaze.. That your eyes remained unbothered Unseeing Clouded and overcast Blind to my every nuanced and overt gesture That uncovering the body of my soul for your lone perusal didn't divert your path.. you remained unwavering

You still see me the same I just wanted you to crave me like I do you I wanted you to feel the anguish I feel when you don't choose me with your whole soul When you don't mind the distance between us The miles; the oceans apart.. The chasm's edge that I teeter upon Everyday yearning to fall for even the slim chance of becoming the bridge.. I still can't believe how I can feel this much So connected.. tethered.. affected.. Your body becomes mine I feel you, and somehow know that I am alive Your breath is my exhale;

your mouth my words So intertwined in my mind.. It burns! Synapses bulging in their own exquisite torment Full of you Filled with your existence I look out and all I see is you Yet you feel nowhere near the same.. Just being near you I feel full Unending Eternal Like the heavens above have settled themselves gently about my shoulders.. An elegant stole of vibrant warmth Gracing my head with soft mists of repletness.. Encircling me.. Spiraling down my neck.. Wisps of joy that tickle and trail down the length of my spine I imagine the tips of your fingers would elicit this if they were ever to touch Trace my every line and curve.. If only the soft, pink pads of every one of your fingers knew me.. Memorized in my entirety.. I just know heaven's in your touch Heaven in your presence... To meet only to exist apart Never to be touched or touch I regret that the most.. It's some sort of robust, laughable cruelty that we've even ever met.. Only to simply never be..

[mouseratz]

sorry this is a Victor Frankenstein hate blog. he WAS a bad parent! in every way! For all his hand-wringing about morals....for all of his regrets.....he only really ever holds a shallow pity for the creature on hearing his story, he feels bad that he defied nature, that he didn't feel satisfied with his normal family, but he -doesn't- feel bad about bringing someone into this world and abandoning them. he's miserable, yes, but so much for himself, for the people he cares about and nobody else, really.

I find him a really compelling character but not one that I actually see as super duper sympathetic, despite having his whole family die. like. that's rough man......his self awareness is just. not there. in addition to like......the whole thing really genuinely beginning with his mother's death, and grief and death being something that quite literally consumes his life.

(on the themes of grief: I found one passage very cutting, how in the last couple chapters or so, there's a passage about how Victor carries on despite his misery by looking forward to sleep, because he dreams of his dead family members. and he begins to pretend that's the reality instead of his day to day travel in pursuit of the creature.

which honestly really sticks with me because that's how I lived the first while after my brother died- my dreams were more palatable than the waking world, because he was there, because I could see and touch and feel and hear him, even if I could remember what happened, he was there. It was close enough. It was what I had, I clung to it, I hated mornings the most, because waking up was like a fresh wound every day. I pretended he was there, I was seeing him really, but our time together was just very brief. Sleep was our visiting hours, the only bridge across the gaping chasm of what took him away from us. I still don't....not believe that, but I can live while I'm awake, instead of waiting to sleep, and prefer to not dream about him every night, because it makes waking up still hurt, and now I have things to wake up for.

I also think it could be an interesting way of telling how Victor is slowly but surely moving towards his death, and therefore towards them.

in my personal experience, like 99 percent of my suicidal ideation at the time of grieving was just to be with him again. Even without any explicit religious belief- even if there was nothing really waiting for me- I just wanted to be where he was. Wherever that is, whatever that is, because grief is just the pain of separation, in many ways.)

but that's the thing. the grief was what began Victor's journey. He wasn't trying to bring her back to life, but rather to prove he had control over life itself, I guess as some sort of way of exerting power over the elements that took her..... And he did! but he didn't know what to do with life once he had found it. He didn't have any intention of nurturing it- he didn't even know what it would look like! That was his hubris, really, more than trying to overcome death or anything like that, the fact that he just believed that life was something that just existed, instead of something that had to be cared for.

something something how even in death victor frankenstein doesn't truly acknowledge that things could've been different if he had been kind to the creature and nursed his inherent goodness. but the creature still regrets everything, still regrets effectively killing his creator (and directly killing some of his loved ones), and still desperately wishes things had been different. he still wishes he had been good......whereas Victor only wishes he had never created him at all. it's so very much about parent child relationships. I was never a monster until you made me one- but I still would've been good, if only you'd wanted me to be. (but that never would have been good enough, because they never wanted you at all.) he wanted to love life so badly, he wanted to live for so long.....but death was the only safe place to return for either of them.

[guessillcallitart]

I'm writing a book called Victorian Shannon on Wattpad, I'm darlingsmoon there and I post bits of it in here. The story begins with a manor in the middle of the woods. It's located in Ireland, in the city of Cork. There's a library there where you can travel back in time to Victorian Era. Something strange and mysterious happened at the time and my heroes and heroines have to figure out what is was. It's difficult because they might have found out something and they forgot all about it. Our world isn't the only world there is. There is a numerous amount of dimensions, many unheard of, some known but still full of mysteries. Mystery Shore is the biggest with a vast, whimsical forest. It's dangerous but breathtakingly beautiful with giant jellyfish floating about, planet and stars swirling and sparkling on your path and clumps of seaweeds growing about. The farther you go, the taller the trees and dangerous the creatures are. Griffins fly above it all kindly searching for lost people. Whatever you do don't get lost. You musn't get lost. There's creature who lures children away from the path and quickly devours them. The griffins protect you (oh, how beautiful they are with their large, multicoloured eyes and fur like the sunset, their feathers are silvery and gold and rust) but they can't be everywhere and they don't know the way out. There's powerful, very strange magic in the forest. The older griffins have milky white eyes. If you gaze in them you'll see snippets of your future but beware, they may be hard to approach.

In the town you'll find narrow cobblestone streets, tiny colorful huts and bigger buildings with lofts in them, whimsical shops and a town square with people attempting to sell their assorted goods and services.

You may find your way to Elora. With it's soaring cliffs, like shards of glass against the grey sky, it's roughly beautiful. People live in caves resembling honeycombs. There's a vast chasm underneath a hill with an abandoned manor. Bridges run across the chasm.

Echo Valley is a lustrous, emerald green valley with streams running around and colorful houses. There are fields of brilliant, scarlet strawberries and lilac lavender. There are whispers in the air. Remember they're not in your head. The voice just works differently.

Then, the most frightening dimension, Nightmare Valley. It hosts many demons. There are times when they run escape and there are people who'll set them strange and trap again. The dead appear in Nightmare Valley. Good people continue their journey, no one knows where and bad people stay in Nightmare Valley. There are exceptions of course like always.

If you're skilled enough at magic you'll be able see from our world to some other world for the worlds are in the same place in a way, just not visible. Some houses exist in many places at once.

I have OC:s who are witches, dryads, demons, werewolves and people. There are different sexualities, relationships and looks among them. The characters are complex and unique. I'd say the genres are fantasy, adventure, horror, romance and comedy.

The manor, I named it Étoiles Estate, is haunted. While time traveling, one finds oneself in one of the bodies of the ghosts. The experience is truly terrifying. You'll find yourself inside a persons's head. The person has been long dead. For centuries.

tell me, writeblr!! ✨

tell me about your writings! i'll have so much free time for the next 2 weeks and i intend to spend it reading up on your projects! so, please, feel free to reblog this post and tell me about your wips! especially if you post excerpts on here that i can check out. i'm very much into:

ghost stuff!

high and low fantasy

i'm SO into plant and flower themes! solar punk! give it to meeee!

mystery & thrillers

i adore funny things! specifically if it's a bit obscure/morbid/bizzare

middle grade is also very cool

i'm very open about genres and tropes, even if yours aren't listed here, tell me about it anyway!

if you want to recommend your friends, also do that! i can't promise that i'll get to all of your replies depending on how many there will be but i sure will TRY!! ideally link your favourite pieces to make it a bit easier for me! <3

maybe mutuals could reblog to boost so that this reaches people outside of my dash, it would be very appreciated 👉👈