#there's a part of your culture that you can't pursue because of how much it hurts and reminds you of what you've lost and how you lost it.

[flockrest]

y'all don't know how grateful i am that tu.lin takes up so much of my brainrot honestly, because if it was kido who was at the helm of this. fooey!

[nerdgirlnarrates]

Even though it's been months since I switched from neurosurgery to internal medicine, I still have a hard time not being angry about the training culture and particularly the sexism of neurosurgery. It wasn't the whole reason I switched, but truthfully it was a significant part of my decision.

I quickly got worn out by constantly being questioned over my family plans. Within minutes of meeting me, attendings and residents felt comfortable lecturing me on the difficulties of having children as a neurosurgeon. One attending even suggested I should ask my co-residents' permission before getting pregnant so as not to inconvenience them. I do not have children and have never indicated if I plan to have any. Truthfully, I do want children, but I would absolutely have foregone that to be a neurosurgeon. I wanted to be a neurosurgeon more than anything. But I was never asked: it was simply assumed that I would want to be a mother first. Purely because I'm a woman, my ambitions were constantly undermined, assumed to be lesser than those of my male peers. Women must want families, therefore women must be less committed. It was inconceivable that I might put my career first. It was impossible to disprove this assumption: what could I have done to demonstrate my commitment more than what I had already done by leading the interest group, taking a research year, doing a sub-I? My interest in neurosurgery would never be viewed the same way my male peers' was, no matter what I did. I would never be viewed as a neurosurgeon in the same way my male peers would be, because I, first and foremost, would be a mother. It turns out women don't even need to have children to be a mother: it is what you essentially are. You can't be allowed to pursue things that might interfere with your potential motherhood.

Furthermore, you are not trusted to know your own ambitions or what might interfere with your motherhood. I am an adult woman who has gone to medical school: I am well aware of what is required in reproduction, pregnancy, and residency, as much as one can be without experiencing it firsthand. And yet, it was always assumed that I had somehow shown up to a neurosurgery sub-I totally ignorant of the demands of the career and of pregnancy. I needed to be enlightened: always by men, often by childless men. Apparently, it was implausible that I could evaluate the situation on my own and come to a decision. I also couldn't be trusted to know what I wanted: if I said I wanted to be a neurosurgeon more than a mother, I was immediately reassured I could still have a family (an interesting flip from the dire warnings issued not five minutes earlier in the conversation). People could not understand my point, which was that I didn't care. I couldn't mean that, because women are fundamentally mothers. I needed to be guided back to my true role.

Because everyone was so confident in their sexist assumptions that I was less committed, I was not offered the same training, guidance, or opportunities as the men. I didn't have projects thrown my way, I didn't get check-ins or advice on my application process, I didn't get opportunities in the OR that my male peers got, I didn't get taught. I once went two whole days on my sub-I without anyone saying a word to me. I would come to work, avoid the senior resident I was warned hated trainees, figure out which OR to go to on my own, scrub in, watch a surgery in complete silence without even the opportunity to cut a knot, then move to the next surgery. How could I possibly become a surgeon in that environment? And this is all to say nothing of the rape jokes, the advice that the best way for a woman to match is to be as hot as possible, listening to my attending advise the male med students on how to get laid, etc.

At a certain point, it became clear it would be incredibly difficult for me to become a neurosurgeon. I wouldn't get research or leadership opportunities, I wouldn't get teaching or feedback, I wouldn't get mentorship, and I wouldn't get respect. I would have to fight tooth and nail for every single piece of my training, and the prospect was just exhausting. Especially when I also really enjoyed internal medicine, where absolutely none of this was happening and I even had attendings telling me I would be good at it (something that didn't happen in neurosurgery until I quit).

I've been told I should get over this, but I don't know how to. I don't know how to stop being mad about how thoroughly sidelined I was for being female. I don't know how to stop being bitter that my intelligence, commitment, and work ethic meant so much less because I'm a woman. I know I made the right decision to switch to internal medicine, and it probably would have been the right decision even if there weren't all these issues with the culture of neurosurgery, but I'm still so angry about how it happened.

[houserautha]

Feyd is the type to go on and on about getting his wife/partner pregnant but when it comes to actually raising a child? The dramaaaaaa(and unhealed trauma) Ideally Feyd wants to raise a strong and ruthless warrior worthy of succeeding him when the time comes but like what if the little guy(probably a boy bc the prophecy and all that)just got real unlucky in the genetics lottery all the crazy and bloodthirsty-ness his parents have just skips a generation and he's the most sensitive and shy creature to ever be born on geidi prime the most un-harkonen harkonen Feyd getting frustrated his child doesn't have the strength to pick up a sword without trembling,to shed blood without wincing,to take a life without crying canonically I think he'd just throw the kid in the woods to fend for himself Sparta style and hope they die or return and be "normal" thinks he's been coddled for far too long because he just can't accept his son is so different from him sorry to dump all this on you dude I just had to talk to this to somebody!😭💀

Wait don’t apologize I actually really love this

Feyd would be incredibly insecure about fatherhood. He would struggle to connect with a newborn and swear that his son hates him because he always bursts into tears whenever Feyd picks him up. And as a toddler?? Feyd is already as volatile as a toddler so his son would infuriate him😂 I feel like he would snap and be impatient and frustrated. And maybe because he feels so insecure about his parenting/relationship with his son, he throws himself into work so that he doesn’t have to interact with his son as much

So his son grows up with a pretty explosive, absent father. Now he’s a child, and Feyd shows an interest in him again — it’s time to learn how to fight. Feyd spars with his son until his body is mottled with bruises and snot dries on his upper lip; Feyd is appalled by his son’s “weakness” and so shocked that he lashes out at him. Feyd definitely does not understand how to regulate his emotions or disguise his thoughts.

(Now, feel free to disregard this part because it’s related to TDE) Reader knows what it’s like to have your parents disappointed in you and your capabilities, so she nurtures her son and encourages him to do what he likes. I think it would be especially funny if their son is like naturally very tall and strong but is like Ferdinand and just wants to sit in the sun and read all day😂

So reader allows their son to pursue his interests — reading and politics and academics, which he excels in. He grows into a teenager. Other children his age mock him because he is so unlike any other Harkonnen, tease him that his mother must’ve been unfaithful. Their son, in turn, keeps to himself and doesn’t have any friends.

At this point I think Feyd (sadly) would’ve given up on his son. He would occasionally force him to take up a dagger or throw a punch, claiming that no son of his would be so weak. Now, as much as the son loathes these training sessions and his father’s cruelty, he desperately wants his approval. Which is the only reason he continues to agree to let Feyd push him to the dirt over and over again, to draw blood; to belittle him.

And this would drive a wedge in between Feyd and reader’s relationship. She understands Feyd’s own unresolved trauma and the Harkonnen battle culture, but she doesn’t understand how her husband could be so unkind to their son — who looks like a combination of them both, with Feyd’s plush lips but your distinct Atreides nose, brows always pulled down in concentration over his dark eyes.

“He will never survive here,” Feyd snarls at you one evening, when the conversation naturally drifts to your son as it always does. Feyd is shaking with his heightened emotions. “I just want him to be successful.”

And you push back, “He is successful.“

“His achievements mean nothing to the other Harkonnens. They demand brutality and blood, not his…weakness.”

And maybe as their son turns eighteen (or whatever age Harkonnens are deemed an adult, maybe younger because they don’t live very long lives) Feyd sends their son on the ceremonial journey into the Giedi Prime wilderness. Reader is unable to prevent this. Their son is expected to forge his own way home or perish. Now, their son takes an abnormally long time to return but he does — half dead because he refused to kill any wildlife or steal from others, surviving only on his wit and his knowledge of survival.

Feyd is not impressed.

And maybe this strenuous relationship continues well their son’s adulthood. It’s not until a political rival challenges Feyd that he discovers just how strong his son is. The rival is peaceful and refuses to fight or draw a weapon, and Feyd knows he can’t initiate an attack without suffering the consequences. He entirely has no idea how to handle this. But his son does.

His son knows all about this rival’s culture and history, how to appeal to them, how to navigate their political court and ultimately subdue the threat that they pose. For the first time, Feyd is proud of his son.

And thus begins the turn around of their relationship and Feyd realizing that strength does not always have to be physical. His son is probably in his late twenties/early thirties by now and Feyd takes to teaching his son less aggressive ways to fight — poison and pressure points and defensive measure — and allows his son to teach him about what he knows.

It certainly doesn’t blossom and thrive overnight. They are staunchly opposed to each other’s beliefs but somewhat begrudgingly begin to trust one another and build respect and admiration.

Feyd doesn’t know how to apologize or how to express his guilt over his son’s wasted childhood, but you bet your ass he leaps to his son’s defense whenever he gets the chance and defends him relentlessly.

And, oh, just wait until he becomes a grandfather.

Finally he feels he can rectify his wrongs.

[centrally-unplanned]

Serious question: How much do you think exowombs would actually improve fertility rates? I think they would help at the margins, but I suspect that disinclination to carry (more) children to term only makes up a moderate portion of the decline in fertility and all the other factors driving that change would continue unabated.

This depends on what you mean, right? The "conservative" assumption is you invent exowomb technology and it is just IVF+, a new way for individual parents to have families (but not too conservative, in real life people would have moral issues around the tech, we are gonna ignore those here). I think this would make a more than marginal difference! It has some very direct benefits; people absolutely do not have kids because of issues like:

Unwillingness to take the full time off work because it impacts careers

Health risks for pregnancy, particularly later in life

Actual infertility issues, again particularly as one ages

"Going through it again" once you have had 1-2 kids

That exowomb tech directly addresses. Some of these are huge parts of the fertility decline! I would bet fully safe/mature exowomb technology boosting the median "ready to have kids" family unit by half a kid, and it could be more.

There are deeper issues around this, for example. So I have done direct conversations with "adult, stable & childless" people, and something I hear a ton are statements like "the medical risk to me is too high", despite ofc pregnancy being the safest it has ever been. That doesn't mean that is wrong! Just that pregnancy isn't getting safer - people's risk profiles have just changed. Other statements include things like "pregnancy literally sounds like body torture, it would alienate me from my physical sense of self" (some hip amoung you might say body dysphoria). Conceptions of self-identity have changed, people value stability and self-image more, and tbh anxiety levels are higher so we are less risk-happy. These deeper culture shifts *could* also be addressed by exowomb tech; though it is far more vague how that would all play out.

And ofc surrogacy is currently a thing! Lots of people currently pay for exowombs - it is just very expensive ($100k+) and very "invasive". When costs go down, demand goes up, simple as right? And even in the most basic case, lots of single men want kids and don't have a partner.

Now there are many things that aren't addressed by exowomb tech - the high-demand parenting styles of modernity, rising minimum *expectations* around the cost of raising a kid, focuses on careers, etc. You won't get people back to wanting 10 children family. So the shift could be notable, but it won't be huge.

With the *conservative* assumptions we just gave. So let's loosen those - most people don't want 10 kids. But some people do! That is just quite hard to do right now, most women don't wanna do that and most men can't afford a harem of mother-wives or 18 surrogates. But with radically lower costs those barriers vanish. I think you would get a far larger "tail" of fertility - you would be surprised how many people would have the dream of that kind of family if it was on the table for them.

And then institutions enter the picture - organizations promoting families, or the state actively pursuing it. Which to be clear is already happening - fertility decline is real and a serious problem, states are getting very interested in reversing it. Once you open the door to "state orphanages hitting TFR targets" than any discussion of "margins" is asinine. Your fertility is what you will it.

Which might sound dsytopian! And it could be - my stance tends to be living is good and orphans that are well provided for are actually perfectly happy (turns out parents aren't that necessary!). But I admit to the other side of the case here - my point is that you aren't going to have a choice. I am betting the answer without such tech isn't going to be pretty

[yanxidarlings]

Aaaaaa i did not expect you to reply so soon! Love your perspective, especially the part about spain playing favourites and choosing the most catholic and most resource heavy 😭😭.. i feel like most people never really talk about former colonies and their colonisers... bc theres no way india would be that happy and pleasant with england😭😭.... anyways rant over im really into ur latin america hcs... especially mexico... 😇😇

anonymous asked:

Sorry if im spamming you but i also just had a thought... since mexico would be very similar to spain, would he be equally as delusional... or worse? I think he would start thinking hes in some telenova or hes a cowboy or something ( north america try not to be delusional challenge)(impossible)

i saw the ask and my brain went ding ding that is extremely rare round of applause for anon please do keep spamming i'm on a roll here

oo! i feel like spain is in an interesting position among colonisers and their former colonies; i'm pretty sure, or at least headcanon, that he found pretty much all of his former colonies as chibi's, kind of like china, so they probably don't have as many memories of their native cultures that were stripped from them. that's why they might not bare as intense hatred for spain as someone like vietnam would hold for france.

but there's definately alot of resentment. i think this is especially prominent for peru, who i have often seen characterised as quite in touch with his parent, Inca's, culture and history, and probably wonders what his life might have looked like if he had been allowed to grow up out of spain's iron grip.

i headcanon that latin america, spain's portion of it at least, try to make spain feel as excluded and alienated from what antonio perceives as his 'legacy' in the america's, it's a way to subtly let out some of their repressed resentment towards him.

and on india — you're definately right! i think england and india have a much more snarky? relationship. india is nearly as old as china and was trying to finesse his way through europe's colonial era only to get stuck with this entitled asshole with a superiority complex, that's gotta breed some strong resentment. india is alot like china in the way that he just tolerates those he dislikes for the sake of politics - he's not getting chummy with england unless there's something in it for him.

back to latin american colonisation — i've always characterised mexico as being one of the former spanish colonies that drinks the 'big brother spain' kool-aid. he's not so delusional about colonisation as he is not wanting to recognise how much of a monster spain really was. i can't imagine josé likes to hear or talk about the aztec empire's slaughter at spain's hands; it tears him apart that he lost his actual parent to the only parental figure he knows.

and this definately bleeds into his yandere psyche. mexico doesn't like to confront the reality that any love his darling has for him is manufactured; stockholm syndrome at best, entirely faked at worst. he doesn't like to think of himself as being manipulative or wrong because the implications of that truth are just too much for him to handle.

this is definately where he differs most strikingly from spain; fundamentally, spain isn't able to see the reality of his actions and how wrong they are or how much he's messed up his darling in the process of 'pursuing' them. it's all just a grand romance, his darling is the one with the issues.

josé is definately the type to play into whatever fantasy will best charm his darling, and try to glamourise the relationship "we would make good characters for a telenovela, cariño! we would have so many fans". he likes to compare his actions to others to justify them as well "spain had his own key for your room back in the day" and make intruding on their life seem so normal.

not to mention, piggybacking off my last post, latin america would be a cesspool of yandere's validating each others behaviours. they all picked it up from spain at somepoint, maybe even from each other, so no one bat's an eye when mexico goes on another obsession fueled rant; some countries he's closer to might even offer to help.

the fandom likes to hype up russia and belarus as scary but at least people recognise them as dangerous. latin america is equally as dangerous if not more, imagine being stuck between one, two, or more of them? at least in europe you can pit yandere's against each other, spain raised his colonies as siblings and despite their conflicts they are capable of mass cooperation.

[celestialholz]

The apple of my eye (or 'oh good, there's ANOTHER one')

*yeets into the conversation a week late with Starbucks*

Sorry, sorry. Been trying to save a dukedom from a giant brain and live my best happily ever with a vampire twink. Very distracting.

But anyway, I haven't even gotten the boys in my clubroom yet, so more analysis incoming, but I have finished Indigo Disk's main story, and I couldn't help but notice something deeply awful when fighting our little buddy Kieran.

... Oh god THEY'RE MULTIPLYING. How many apples do we need? How much more homosexuality does this game need? (Yes. The answer is 'yes.')

Meet Hydrapple everyone, the latest gay marriage mascot. Truly wish you all could've seen my face when. And it evolves from the last gay marriage mascot! I have quickly become homophobic again, how do they keep managing this?!

So, naturally, we need to break this loveable bastard and its symbolism down, or I might have to start passing the meta queen crown off to someone else. (I vote @prince-kallisto. Friend spare me. 🤣)

Well, we'll begin with the obvious: this thing is a hydra, a multiple-headed dragon in Greek myth. This one in particular has seven, so says the all-knowing dex:

But we'll do the seven part in a minute. The one major thing you should all know is that in most tales, removing one of this thing's heads respawns two in its place - and killing one of these creatures was the second labour of Hercules, the God of Strength. There's that fucking number two again in connection with our boys...

And now, let's take the Greek and easternize it to our lovely Japanese creators with the number seven.

Seven in Japanese culture, like in the western, is seen as a lucky number, and also the number symbolising the cycle of life and death.

... Which, if you recall, is a running theme with our silly men.

Get your life saved, idiot. Be lucky. 🥰

There are also Seven Gods of Fortune in Buddhism, Japan's primary religion. And there's one that rings more than a few ceremonial bells - Fukurokokuju. Bit of a Buddhist lore deepcut here for you:

> He is the god of wisdom, luck, longevity, wealth and happiness. Moreover, he is the only god who was said to have the ability to resurrect the dead. Fukurokuju is characterized by the size of his head, being almost as large as the size of his whole body.

... Hmm. Wisdom, happiness. Luck. 'Resurrecting.' The one that has a large head, like our good pal Hydrapple here... it's all very interesting, isn't it, how it ties together?

And all this goes a long way to explaining the evolution method of this fun little apple-y bastard. Because in order to be lucky, to be brought back to life, to heal and to love and to find yourself... one must have support. A cheerleader, if you will. Not one with pom-poms (although slay Hass babes, you'd look great in that drip), but one cheering you on. Always being in your corner.

... And here we find Dragon Cheer, Hydrapple's evolution move. Brassius can pursue his dreams as passionately as he likes, because there's always a husband at his side to be on his side.

It's a whole narrative, my friends. We have the romantic gift of the Applin; we have the adorableness of the Flapple, and its dusk portrait; we have the total harmony of Dipplin...

... And now we have the result of that harmony. Look, it's even running away from the Ice of the Polar Biome, a type both Grass and Dragon can't stand. The emotional cold.

Y'know, I'm sure someone would have DM'd me by now if Hass and Brass' clubroom banter confirmed their marriage, so I'm going to assume that isn't a thing.

... But at the same time, it's definitely a thing. All you have to do is read the narrative, darlings.

[wttcsms]

BALANCING ACT II LETS GOOOOOOO

have i ever told u how happy it makes me feel that u love balancing act so much 😭 i honestly consider it one of the fics no one on my blog cares abt, so to know it's loved is so reassuring

balancing act is one of those projects where i want it to seem light-hearted and so i hope the comedy shines through in the fic (i am particularly fond of the eye-fucking comment LMAO) and while the tone is a bit sarcastic and i am poking fun of finance bro culture (amongst other things; we do get utahime x takuma ino in this fic, and we explore "nontraditional" relationships which i think is interesting bc canonically, utahime does give a traditional vibe abt her. in here, we see the woman not only being the breadwinner in the relationship but also seeing her being the older one in the relationship as well), there's still a layer of actual seriousness going on. this fic is a great exploration in realizing that, hey, if you want to be loved fully for who you are, you actually have to have the balls to show up with your true self and to actually give yourself fully to your partner. because you can't say "no one will love me for who i am" and yet, you've never shown yourself fully to someone before. so, it's actually reader that will struggle to open up, and in the second to final arc of the fic, we do see gojo being the one to pull away from reader (bc you can only keep pursuing someone and loving them and trying to care for them just to have it thrown back in your face or have them run away; it gets to a point, yknow?) and now reader has to do the chasing (just for a bit!).

some fun notes & scenes & a closer look at what i wanna talk abt in balancing act!

ugh + i couldn't find the post where i discussed it, but balancing act also shines a light on gojo's caring nature!! just like in canon, we get gojo who makes jokes and seems to not take things seriously, but he does care and it's shown in subtle ways. in the part i'm working on, it's revealed that 1) megumi is allergic to certain flowers and you know this, but you don't know if gojo knows or cares abt this (the answer? he does. he didn't buy you any of the flowers megumi is allergic to & he carries an epipen on him, just in case). yuuji is new to the firm & didn't come from a target school or the same rich or privileged backgrounds as everyone else in the office, and so he's feeling kind of left out and in typical finance bro culture, everyone has one of those damn vests and yuuji lowkey wants one but he doesn't wanna seem cringe, so gojo buys ALL the new hires finance bro vests AND makes them all wear it in the office bc he wanted to give yuuji this gift but didn't want to make him the odd one out. so, his outside actions seem weird and like he's a jokester, but there's a lot behind what he says and does, and i think that's really fun to write about

[nothorses]

follow up question because of your addition to that one post advocating SEL:

Do you know where parents and teachers can find resources to teach themselves how to better implement SEL in their homes and communities? Especially for people who don't have this kind of learning in their school system nor as a part of their own upbringing, I think this is something that's very valuable that people might still want to being into their lives, especially in underfunded red states which choose to politicize it and might never have this included within the official school curriculum.

(It also couples well with lessons I've seen students pick up in the after school martial arts program I teach, but I don't think we as a school have actually pursued this kind of learning with clear intentionality so much as the traditions and culture of this specific school defacto enforces social learning and a collectivist mindset. I would love to be more intentional about it.)

I think it really depends on your context!

I'm not an expert in SEL curriculum by any means, and really, my understanding of it is just that it's a model for teaching kids important social/emotional skills that we've previously expected them to be learning anyway- but that we've found is actually really inconsistent, with inconsistent-at-best results without more focus and thought put into a plan.

SEL curriculum is, ime, designed to help name and focus on key skills and values, and then teach them consistently across as broad an area as possible. With that in mind, my recommendation for trying to implement it on a personal/individual level (as opposed to a district/school level) is to read through the resources that already exist, identify the pieces that you can use in your context, identify the pieces you can use if you modify them, and go from there. Having an understanding of what those pieces are trying to accomplish is important, so you can make sure that what you're using and how you're using it makes sense.

The link I shared in that post is to CASEL, which is an organization that specializes in implementing SEL curriculum from the classroom level, to the state policy level. They have resources for folks who want to champion the implementation of SEL in their local schools, and for implementing SEL themselves at various levels, including their own classrooms.

I really encourage you to read through some of those! They might not apply directly, but in all likelihood you'll find things that apply more to a community in a broad sense than a school specifically, or practices designed for classrooms that will work in contexts like after school martial arts.

SEL is more effective when it's implemented on larger scales, but it's definitely worth doing on a smaller scale if you can't, and it's great that you're interested in trying! And if the online resources aren't enough for you, you might consider professional development (if you're an educator; even subs are often comped by the school/district for professional development) or researching and reaching out to SEL experts who can help you learn more, and tailor their advice to your specific context.

Good luck!!

[reunionatdawn]

My Analysis of the Best Paired Endings in 3H (Part 16: Mercedes/Dedue)

Mercedes: If I were someone else, perhaps a commoner without a Crest or stature, maybe things would be different. It's a bit sad, but…this is the way things have to be. After all, only the goddess can decide our fates.

Each character in the Blue Lions was a victim of Faerghus's patriarchal culture. Mercedes was adopted for the purpose of being married off for her Crest. The Crest of Lamine is associated with the arcana of Judgement. It represents an important decision that needs to be made regarding love and romance. It also symbolizes a solution to a protracted problem, and a feeling of freedom.

Mercedes was separated from her brother at a young age and had to make a new life for herself in the Kingdom. What got her through those hard times was the support of the church. That's why her dream was to work there to help people, just as they did for her. But doing so would be difficult if she married a nobleman.

Mercedes: Though, just because two people share a promise, that doesn't guarantee they'll be together forever. You've noticed many nobles at the academy, right? They very rarely have the freedom to choose their own partners.

Mercedes had a lot in common with Ingrid. She did not want to give up on her dream to be used as a broodmare for her Crest, like her mother was. However, she felt like she had no choice.

Byleth: You can't just give up on your dreams. Mercedes: That's a very good point! We're only given one life, so we must do all we can to pursue our happiness! OK! I think that may have been just the push I was looking for! I'll tell him the truth. That I've found a life worth pursuing and I must decline the proposal! Maybe I should tell him I've fallen for someone else?

Mercedes had difficulty standing up to her adoptive father. She was willing to lie to him by telling him that she had fallen for someone else. That might explain many of her pairing options.

Ferdinand: You baffle me. Do you not wish to be free? Mercedes: Of course I do. Let me try that again in a way you might understand. Ahem. A true noble cuts their own path, seizing freedom from the clutches of tyranny!

I suspect that the reason she rejected Ferdinand's help to sever ties with her adoptive father was because she wasn't sure if his gesture was an attempt to woo her. She wasn't sure if she would have the will to decline if he proposed. In their paired ending, she severs ties with her adoptive father and marries him immediately after the war. She lives the traditional life of a noble wife while her husband is recognized for his achievements.

Mercedes: I don't care to flaunt my noble past or my Crest. I have no desire to return to that status. Lorenz: Then, if I may speak hypothetically a moment… Does that mean that if a nobleman were to offer you his hand in marriage, you would decline? Mercedes: Not at all. That's a separate matter entirely. Even if I were to fall in love, regardless of their social status… I'm not looking to marry right now.

Even by the end of their A-Support, she still didn't seem to like Lorenz very much. She was unusually sarcastic with him. And she specifically said she wasn't ready to marry even if she was in love. But it is still possible that she will marry Lorenz immediately after the war. It shows how difficult it was for her to deviate from her path.

Mercedes: …No, I'm glad. I feel like I saw your true face for the first time. …Hey, Sylvain. Would you be able to save me from the curse of my Crest? Sylvain: I…I'll save you! With my heart and soul! I love you! Great! Let's get married!

Mercedes also had a lot in common with Sylvain, and the two actually became close friends. They are both Gemini, the zodiac sign which is thought to be two-faced because of their natural duality.

Mercedes: Don't be ashamed of crying. I'm here to protect you. Will you protect me in return? Sylvain: I will. I promise. You know, Mercedes, you really are a special lady.

Because Mercedes was able to empathize with his pain, he let the mask slip with her, and she saw his other face. Because of that, she was also the only character to see him cry. She wanted him to save her from her arranged marriage, and she had a genuine desire to save him from that fate, too. So, she is one of the very few women Sylvain is able to marry and have a paired ending with.

Mercedes: You're much the same, yes? People like us have to try to bloom as best we can. Sylvain: Never really thought of myself as a flower, but I get what you're saying. Flowers are stuck in the same spot for life, whether they like it or not. And if they happen to sprout in a bad area, they're out of luck. But we have legs, not roots. We can go wherever we want.

But Hopes does a good job of showing why that's not the ideal solution to their problems. Even if she did marry him, she would prefer to be doing charity work rather than living the life of a nobleman's wife. Sylvain was fine with that, but Mercedes did not want to stand in the way of him marrying the person he truly loved.

Sylvain: To be perfectly clear, I'm not making advances on your or anything. But I'm the heir of House Gautier. If I ask you, this other guy will have no choice but to bow out. Though I doubt he'd be happy about it. After that, you can do whatever you want. Go work at a church or ladle out soup or whatever makes you happy. I won't stop you. Mercedes: But that would prevent you from marrying the person you love.

She didn't realize that Sylvain didn't want to get married in the first place. He would be marrying her because she offered him a loophole to his own predicament. With her as his wife, he could fulfill his noble obligation, but still be able to live freely. They cared for each other and shared mutual respect, but neither of them seemed like they would have considered marrying the other without their fathers pushing them into an arranged marriage.

Mercedes: And before that, when I lived with my mother and my little brother. It also reminds me of the time I spent studying with friends at the school of sorcery in the capital. Things may not have been easy then, but I would give anything to return to those days.

The tagline for the game was, "Sweet memories twisted by time's cruel hand". The best option for Mercedes might seem like recruiting her into Crimson Flower and reuniting her with her brother.

Mercedes & Jeritza Once those who slither in the dark were finally defeated, Mercedes left home and opened a small orphanage in the Faerghus region with her mother. After many years of kind service raising children who had lost their families, she received a letter bearing familiar handwriting. Its author, a prisoner in Enbarr, expressed his sincerest well-wishes to Mercedes and her family. Still more time passed until, one day, the man who wrote the letter paid her a visit. With joyful tears in her eyes, Mercedes smiled, took Emile by the hand, and at last welcomed him home.

And their ending is certainly touching. I was never really a big fan of it, though, because Jeritza's condition is resolved without any explanation. In Mercedes' paralogue, the Death Knight said his soul had long departed. He was not fully in control of himself, which is why he continued to fight on the opposite side from his sister. Before this DLC update, it had been implied that Emile had probably been experimented on like the Remire villagers. He was barely human anymore and it was impossible for him to return to normal.

Mercedes: It's sad, but the truth is that people forget. You may be afraid to forget your past, but you'll never be able to revisit it. Living in the present is the best we can do. We owe it to those who can't come back. Dimitri: If someone had said those words to me five years ago, I would be a different man today.

As sad as it is, Mercedes had a stronger character arc in AM where she had to accept that she's unable to return to the past.

Annette: You know, I've always loved you more than anything in the world! Mercedes: My, is that…a confession of love? Hehe, I'm so happy~. Annette: Uh, um, I wanted to say I love the sweets you bake more than anything in the world! Mercedes: Oh, is that so... Well, I love you, Annie.

Other than Emile, Annette was the most important person to Mercedes. In their A-Support they both confessed their love for each other. While it did seem like the bisexual Mercedes may have loved her beyond friendship (particularly in the Japanese), Annette seemed insistent on emphasizing her platonic love.

Annette & Mercedes After the war, Annette and Mercedes lived separate lives: the former as a teacher at the school of sorcery in Fhirdiad, the latter as a cleric at Garreg Mach. Though they lived apart, they exchanged letters so frequently and shared their lives with one another in such detail that it was as though they were side by side. After many decades, they resigned their respective positions and reunited at Garreg Mach. In their final years, they relocated to a modest house in the Fortress City. It is said that they were happy together to the very end.

They will not be life partners even if you go for their paired ending. While they do keep in touch, they'll live completely separate lives until retirement age. It's a slightly bittersweet ending, showing how, as we get older and pursue different life paths, things don't always stay the same. I don't consider it to be the most satisfying ending for either of them. Still, the fact that Mercedes will move away from her best friend shows how important it was to her to pursue her dream.

Mercedes: I just don't want to let go of the life that I've made for myself. I know it's not what my heart wants, but I don't have the strength to say no.

After Garreg Mach fell, Mercedes returned home to the Kingdom capital and joined the merchant business. She told Byleth that she didn't want to give up the life she made for herself in Fhirdiad.

Annette: Since our time in the capital, so much has happened. We've had to make new lives for ourselves, and we've seen at least as many hard times as good. If things keep changing like this, I wonder if we'll be able to stay the same people we are now…

And Annette also didn't want things between them to change by starting completely new lives again, which is what happens in their paired ending.

Dimitri: My own dreams… I have never given it any thought. What about you? What do you want, Mercedes? Mercedes: I want to keep sewing and training with you, even after you've become king. I want to be your friend.

Mercedes even wanted to stay friends with Dimitri after the war, which would only be possible if she kept her old life in the capital.

Mercedes: I'm going to Fhirdiad to meet with my adoptive father, and I'd like you to accompany me. Byleth: What for? Mercedes: I feel the need to set things straight with him in my own way. I've already decided exactly what I'm going to say. I'm choosing to live my life how I want, in pursuit of my own happiness. I need you to accept that. I'm in charge of my own destiny. Not you, not anyone else. Just me. Ah… I've waited so long to say all that.

The best thing for her would be to sever ties with her adoptive father, without the excuse of already having a fiancé. She always left her fate in the hands of the goddess or people above her. But her character arc was about acting of her own free will.

Dimitri: Do you remember the child who cursed me after my father's funeral? Dedue: Ah, yes. I believe he was the son of a knight who fell in Duscur. Dimitri: He was furious that I would not take revenge on your people, and even more enraged to see you serving as my vassal. He berated me without mercy, demanding I kill you then and there. All I could do was walk away. Everyone desires revenge for that day. Survivors and the dead alike cry out for retribution.

Dimitri was also a victim of Faerghus's violent patriarchal culture. He was expected to carry out vengeance for the Tragedy of Duscur. His violent urges were encouraged and rewarded by the society he grew up in. At times, he was chilled to the bone by the depravity of his own actions, such as suppressing a rebellion.

Dedue: When I stood before those soldiers and their swords that day, I was prepared to die. But then you suddenly appeared, and you shielded me. I knew then that a savior's hand could reach into even the deepest darkness.

Dedue was the biggest victim of Farghus's retaliatory violence. His moniker is "Taciturn Devotee". A devotee is a person who strongly admires a particular person. But it can also mean a strong believer in a particular religion or god. It probably would not be an exaggeration to state that Dedue saw Dimitri as the Fódlan goddess.

Dedue: And I would cast it aside in an instant if my death were to your benefit. For that reason, I cannot consider myself your friend. There are still many in the Kingdom who despise the people of Duscur. It would be selfish of me to stand by your side as an equal.

Many people interpreted his feelings for Dimitri as having a romantic aspect to them. I certainly wouldn't reject that interpretation. After all, by reaching out his hand, Dimitri served the same role that Byleth did for him.

Dedue: You promised me you would build a Kingdom that is proud to boast of Duscur blood. In this Kingdom, where there is no distinction between the people of Duscur and the people of Fódlan… Will I finally, without reservation, be able to call you my friend? Will I…Dimitri? Dimitri: Dedue… Yes, you will call me your friend, again and again. No matter how many hardships I must endure… Dedue: I will do all I can to bring about that world as well. To be your friend…is what I have always wanted.

During their A-Support, we learned that Dimitri made a promise to Dedue before they attended the Officer's Academy.

Dimitri & Dedue After his coronation, Dimitri assumed the throne of the Holy Kingdom of Faerghus, and his loyal vassal, Dedue, remained ever at his side. Among Dimitri's achievements was the reconciliation with Duscur: an extraordinary effort that required extensive negotiations to get past a history of betrayal and oppression. It was a trying task, but Dimitri never once considered giving up. While they behaved as lord and vassal in public, it is said that Dimitri and Dedue were more like family in private. When Dimitri finally fell to illness, Dedue tended to his liege's deathbed, and then took up a post at his grave for the rest of his days. When the time came, they were buried beside each other.

Their paired ending emphasizes Dimitri's efforts reconciling with Duscur and how he never gave up. But it does not specify whether the Duscur people were able to proudly live alongside people from Fódlan without distinction. In fact, because Dedue had to behave as a vassal in public, it implies that there was still hostility between Duscur and the Kingdom for the majority of Dimitri's reign. Dedue only gets to stand by Dimitri's side as an equal in death.

Also, there was no mention of Dedue's efforts bringing about the world he wanted to see. It only mentions him serving Dimitri for his entire life as a subordinate, then guarding his grave for the rest of his days. It is not that different from his solo ending, and I don't think it's a particularly satisfying ending for Dedue.

Dedue: I would regretfully decline. I cannot know happiness without you by my side. I would still seek vengeance. Just… for my own sake, not yours. Dimitri: Interesting. And nothing I say to the contrary will change your mind? Dedue: Your Majesty, can you not live for your own sake? Dimitri: My life is not my own. It belongs to my kingdom, my people, and the dead.

Neither Dimitri or Dedue knew how to live for themselves, and neither could live without the other.

Dedue: I…can still fight, Your Highness. Dimitri: Shut up and retreat. You must live, Dedue.

During his boar phase, Dimitri was willing to mow down any of his old classmates, even if they were not his enemies. And he was willing to send all of his friends and allies to their deaths, too. The single exception was Dedue. He is the only person Dimitri tells to retreat at Gronder Field. And Dedue will live only to seek vengeance.

Dedue: Ngh… I'm not finished yet! Dimitri: Fall back, Dedue! Please! I cannot afford to lose you!

In Scarlet Blaze, Dimitri also begs him to retreat in the Valley of Torment. Dedue would have gladly fought to the death, but Dimitri personally made sure he didn't. It was because he cherished Dedue so much that he wanted him to live for his own happiness.

Dedue: Someday, I hope to show you a whole landscape of these flowers in full bloom. Byleth: You mean Duscur? Dedue: Yes. Once this conflict is over, and His Highness ascends the throne, I believe it can be done. You must live at least until then. Understood? Byleth: Same to you. Dedue: That's true enough. I had not thought much of my own life, until now. Except that I would gladly cast it aside for His Highness. That is still true, but now I desire to see the end of this war. Until I can show you the fields of Duscur in bloom… I will go on living.

Other than Dimitri, the only other thing that gave Dedue a reason to live was showing Byleth the flowers of Duscur in bloom.

Dedue: When I left the capital, I told His Majesty that I would be leaving his service. Byleth: What?! Dedue: He accepted my decision with a smile.

If you go for Dedue's paired ending with Byleth, you learn that if Dedue were to leave Dimitri's service, he would accept with a smile. And I think Dedue has a better character arc if he is able to grow past his codependence on Dimitri and find his own reason to live.

Dedue: To Duscur? There is nothing of interest left there. Mercedes: Isn't it where you were born? And isn't it where your wonderful food and stories come from? I think those are reason enough to visit at least once! Dedue: Mercedes… If you will allow it, I would like to accompany you. His Highness would surely grant me leave to go.

When Mercedes asked Dedue what his plans were after the war, he said it was to serve Dimitri for the rest of his days. And in most of his endings, that's exactly what he does, even if he's married. Going with her to Duscur and praying to the gods (and goddesses) of his own culture changed his entire fate. That's probably why his ending with Mercedes is so different compared to all of his others.

Mercedes: I think a place is only truly destroyed when there's no one left to remember it. You should tell more people about Duscur to keep it alive.

The whole relationship between Mercedes and Dedue revolved around the idea that they could keep their loved ones alive through their memories. He taught her many things about his culture, and she taught him a family recipe that would have otherwise been forgotten.

Dedue: I understand how you feel. I had a younger sister. Sylvain: Had? Oh. Tell me about her. What was she like? Dedue: Hm. She loved flowers, and often made crowns out of them. And once she set her mind to something, nothing in the world could change it.

I really loved their Support in Hopes. It felt exactly like a post-Houses version of their relationship after they had travelled to Duscur and fallen in love. There are rarely any times where Dedue seems happier than when teaching her and the kids to make flower crowns, in memory of his sister. They seem like a married teacher couple, too.

Dedue & Mercedes Two years after the war, Dedue and his wife, Mercedes, opened a school in the Duscur residential district in Fhirdiad. The school educated Duscur children, who had never been given structured learning before, in reading, writing, arithmetic, and even Duscur history. Many years later, when the Duscur people reclaimed their homeland, the people who attended this school were able to resettle there and revive their old culture. Because of this, Dedue and Mercedes were forever renowned by the Duscur.

This is the only ending where Dimitri's promise to Dedue is actually fulfilled, as it mentions the Duscur people having their own district in Fhirdiad. And it just so happens that this is the only paired ending (besides the one with Byleth) where Dedue isn't described as a vassal. He is still living in the capital, so we can assume that he and Dimitri are close friends. But they live as equals. Dedue has his own life now and his own achievements are renowned.

In Hopes, Mercedes said she wanted to go back to Fhirdiad, but not live with her adoptive father. This is the only ending (other than with Dimitri) where she can live her dream, help those in need, and stay in Fhirdiad with her other friends. With Dedue, they get married two years after the war. So, she clearly didn't marry him just to escape her arranged marriage. Dedue and Mercedes bonded over their sense of loss, but they used that pain to keep Duscur alive, so I think it's the absolute best conclusion to their character arcs.

[whatrasudeep]

I'll get so much hate for this but idc. Just read through before spewing brain rot. Open to discuss obviously.

I need y'all to stop with this cultural appropriation shit with bharatanatyam.

For people who don't know the discourse,

"Bharatanatyam is a culturally appropriated and sanitised form of Sadir-attam, a dalit art form".

Wrong on many levels.

1. Bharatanatyam is not the same as sadir. Sadir is considered a precursor but today's Bnat dancers are NOT dancing Sadir. In fact I can say that it is not even Natyam we are doing but that's another discourse

2. Sadir and devadasi/mahari culture was never dalit specific. Members of all castes learnt dance. Padmavati, Jayadeva's wife, was a devadasi and the daughter of a priest. Shantala Devi, the queen of the Hoysalas, was a former devadasi. I forgot the name but an Odia king (simha something. I read it for my junior exam) was a dancer. @ramayantika will know who I'm talking about being an odissi dancer. Y'all can be delulu about this but the proof is literally engraved in stone.

3. Bnat cannot be said is appropriating Sadir items into its fold with hundred percent certainty. Many of the items we perform now are introduced very recently. Many are taken from Kuchipudi. And Sadir itself is a product of Natyashastra. Devadasis danced to padams and javalis written by Brahmins.

5. Upper caste girls are predominantly dancers cos maybe they are the ones who stay in class. Y'all haven't had to sit on a desk convincing a parent to keep their recently "matured" daughter in class or try to tell them that boys can dance too (cos you naively assume misogyny) and them telling you in their caste "oNLy PrOstITuTes DaNcE".

And the worst part is y'all won't know shit about these things if you don't attend classes. This is not something you will find in Quint or whatever. You have to be there to know it.

Don't think that I am in any way denying casteism. I am way too well-read to do that shit atp and I have seen enough. But y'all wanna talk about caste in dance, talk about how lcs can't afford to attend classes because of systemic economic difficulties. Talk about stagnated uc male centric narratives in abhinaya pieces. Talk about the rampant superstitions and misogyny that keeps lc students from pursuing their art. Talk about the nepotism in the field and how it makes the system inherently rigged against outsiders, especially lcs who can't even claim a surname. Those are conversations worth having. Not your hot-takes with no basic fact checking.

[shingekinomyfeelings]

Okay, so. This has been occupying a lot of my thoughts recently, and while it feels like it should be "cringey" or whatever to confess this on a semi-public platform, I think I should just suck it up and admit that I've been feeling really lonely and socially disconnected.

I really just do not thrive without conversations and sharing silly events as they unfold, and bouncing ideas back and forth, and having a few people to chat with throughout the day - and, more embarrassingly, feeling like there are people, even just a few, who actively want to hear from me and have me around. Yuck, right? I don't know why it feels so gross to say it outright. I've always been the first to remind people that humans are hardwired to be a social species and that social feedback is naturally what informs our behaviors and our perceptions of ourselves. I'm awful at taking my own advice, though, so I figure I'll try actually doing so.

Now, at the time, I'm a bit cut off from seriously pursuing making friends in person, for an assortment of personal reasons I won't be getting into. I'm actively working on it, but in the meantime, my social life is distressingly limited to the internet.

But you know what? I used to be great at making friends online. It doesn't seem like I still am, though.

I won't lie, testing the waters by asking if my mutuals/followers find me unapproachable and the most popular answer being that people on here really have no idea who I am and have no particular opinion about me one way or another made me a lot sadder than I thought it would. Like, damn, am I overlooked as a result of an uninteresting personality, or an off-putting aura, or simply because I've come into the habit of keeping things about my offline life vague on here?

Talking about personal, real-life matters on here feels wildly inappropriate for some reason, and I'm not sure there's a workaround for that, because it seems like just part of tumblr culture.

I'm naturally super chatty in a comfortable setting, though, especially in a small group - but I'm not as good at approaching people as I used to be, and then, to paraphrase a quote from my own fanfic like a gigantic nerd, I end up feeling like I'm not approached by other people because I'm either entirely too much to contend with, or just not enough to be someone who seems worth engaging with.

Also, let's be real, I can't help feeling that being older than most of tumblr's user base inherently sets me out on the fringes.

I had meant to keep this a bit shorter, so let me get to the point:

I really do want more friends to interact with and share things with! Actually, you know what? 'Want' isn't strong enough. I really need more social connection.

I don't know how many of you reading this are also feeling lonely and wanting/needing to expand your human interactions, or even how many people will actually read this, but I'd like to put it out there that if you want to get to know me or form a powerful secret society with me and a band of others, I'd probably be thrilled to hear from you. You're more than welcome to reach out, even if your nerves only let you do it anonymously.

I know I've admitted that I'm not the best at maintaining one on one conversation with someone I've only just begun talking to, and that still holds true, but... eh, building genuine connections does take time, and I certainly have plenty of time.

So, this is a general invitation to those who might need or want one. Let's Friendship is Magic this shit up.

[codename-adler]

ik it’s not, like, an OC OC, but i loved your post about Wade Vesper and i’ve seen you mention Rhemann quite a lot on your blog so… James Rhemann à la Adler s’il vous plaît? 🙏💛

IT WILL BE MY PLEASURE ANON! BLESS U! BLESS UUUUU!!!!! (official unofficial Trojans ocs list here)

James Rhemann (42) Head Coach of the USC Trojans

I am so unbelievably not normal about this man. and yeah, i went there. you can't pick out Lee Pace to play the man and not give him the most dramatic homosexual backstory. (before him Rhemann's face was just Ron Swanson. so rejoice. or wtv.)

As previously discussed on Wade Vesper's character sheet, the two men had a very painful almost-kind-of-affair while Wade was an athlete on Rhemann's Exy team in some college, and also when they both moved to SoCal so Rhemann could take the offer of assistant coach to the Trojans, and Wade managed to get accepted into USC and made the team as well.

I think even though Rhemann was kinda part of the OG Exy gang (Kayleigh, Tetsuji, Wymack), he was always very wary of Tetsuji, and lowkey scared of Kayleigh, and considering the times' rampant homophobia, and pursuing one of his athletes, much younger, Rhemann just couldn't do it. He totally broke Wade's heart, and his own, by refusing to admit they had a good thing going on, that hey even had a 'this'. By the time tragedy struck Wade, it was too late for Rhemann to reach for him and be his source of support and comfort. Wade locked himself away and out of reach, and Rhemann completely lost him, for years.

Rhemann climbed the ladder to the top until he was head coach of the Trojans, but he never did have another lover, not even something casual, not even something straight and fake. He never forgave himself. It's a failure that comes up to fight for the top spot along with warning Kayleigh too late about Tetsuji.

But his kids (they're adults, James) fill almost all the void, as does his career and his fight for the Champions title. So of course, two things come to haunt him, bite him the ass, and upend his carefully taped up world. 1) Wade's back in town, with a kid (again, an adult, James) and a whole lot of ghosts, and 2) his right hand man, Anderson Atwell, is falling for one of their players, Levi, and it's so much like he and Wade were back then, it hurts.

And what does he do? He tries to break Anderson and Levi apart, tries to tell them how bad and ugly it'll get, how it is not a viable relationship, just an illusion, and pipe dream. He almost loses Levi. Wade is so mad at him for not learning from his mistakes and trying to hurt others with his unlearned lessons. Fortunately, Anderson comes to terms with things better than Rhemann, and he and Levi maturely pursue each other, and they're okay.

Then comes the revelation that Wade's kid, Adèle, is related to his own Jean Moreau, and it's like catching a grenade all over again. There's no time for regrets and mistakes anymore, Rhemann's got to make choice after choice and hope for the best, hope he doesn't lose Jean, hope Adèle stays safe (and alive), hope Wade stays, hope he's enough of a reason to stay.

xxx

On another note, I imagine younger Rhemann very much alike to Ennis del Mar from Brokeback Mountain, and present Rhemann more like old Jamie Taylor from The Haunting of Bly Manor. He did mature a lot despite the exception of his history with Wade. He's more mellow, more loose, but in a bittersweet, tired way. Like all he ever allows himself to hope for is the best for his kids.

The mustache is very important. He's kept it for a record of 10 years, and he's not planning on shaving it off anytime soon. Only Wade could persuade him maybe, but Wade is a sucker for it, unfortunately.

He is very educated on queer culture and history, closeted fool that he is, because even if he has the hardest time letting go of the traumatizing homophobia of his youth, he'll be damned if his kids aren't their truest selves and live their lives out and loud. Living in Vegas has helped and still does. He did do drag for one night only, partying it out on the town with a bunch of queer and queen friends that found him drinking his sorrows in a gay bar he did not realize was a gay bar. He has defended his team and players many times against other homophobic schools and players, even against the ERC and USC's direction. He always won. He'll always fight. He has an endless stock of rainbow tape for Exy sticks.

Most satisfying Pinterest board to look through:

Mustache mustache man. Sexy sexy man.

Also leaving this here for the #aftg smau . In case that interests you.

What else? His best friend is one of the team's therapist (who is [redacted] for now until I land on a name).

I put him at 6'5" (actual Lee Pace height). He can look Jean Moreau eye to eye. He can rest his elbow in Jeremy Knox's head. He can carry a man.

I think that's it for now?

[dearweirdme]

Hi Rain!

in light of what's happening to Yoongi:

I have read your opinion reagarding the possibility of taekook coming out, and although I'm not obsessed with that at all, I can't help but wonder how would that even be possible in their circumstances? For such a minor incident, Yoongi has been thrown to the wolves in such a ridiculous way, only because he's a BTS member held at an insane standard and only because it would bring clicks and money. The number of times he has apologized when he barely did anything wrong, knowing Korea's drinking culture, how slow he was driving, how this was blown so much out of proportion...I can't help but think of taekook in moments like these. How incredibly painful it's gonna be, how they are going to literally tear them apart, how they are gonna be the targets of religious anti-LGBT groups, how conservatives are gonna lash at them. And yes, despite everything they have done for their country, they are still gonna be treated like trash because with success comes responsibility in people's eyes. BTS are somehow expected to act a certain way, people see them as an example for society. How you want to live your life on your terms doesn't matter to them. The only thing that matters is the image they have of you, and if you dare stray from that, they will do anything to push you off your pedestal, and the fall hurts way worse when you're as high in the sky as BTS. I would think that Taekook want to pursue their group and solo carreers further. The day their relationship goes public, I fear, might bring way more pain than anything else (I don't want to speak for them and what they are comfortable with, I'm just worried)

For Yoongi to think he did so much damage to BTS image and power with such a minor incident...what will it be the day Taekook come out? They've been coming so hard at him for this tiny mistake...None of the members ever even talked about a relationship let alone a homosexual one. To me that thought materializes in such a distant future!! What do you think?

Hi anon!

I think Tae and Jk coming out (unless it was an unintentional outing or discovery) would be a different situation from Yoongi's case. The whole ridiculousness of standards Idols are supposed to live up to is a whole conversation in itself. I've been appaled at the way Yoongi has been treated, as have many of us. My heart hurts for him big time, and I truly hope he feels and sees Army's support. I don't even care that this is supposedly SK's culture.. if an aspect of culture is wrong we should speak up on it.

I don't expect Tae and Jk to come out soon. I'm thinking more along the lines of in ten years time. Contracts aside (which might limit them in ways), I think their teams would advice them to stay hidden because of their careers. It kinda depends on what their ambitions are also maybe? I suspect they will do a two years of BTS after enlistment, and maybe after that more of a combination of solo work and group work. Do they want to get huge HUGE as solo artists? They would know that queer artists are (sadly) still less likely to become huge HUGE. It's unfair that sexuality is part of a business decision, but it's also part of reality still. Maybe they don't even have a plan yet and will decide when the time comes what they want to do. Feelings are ever changing, and they could feel the benefits of staying hidden at this moment, but perhaps in a few years time they would feel more like being able to be public.

I think at this point in time them coming out would be.. mayhem-ish. Members having a relationship is something that will be controversial in general, but having a queer relationship with a bandmember will probably be too much for many.. not only SK army. Jkkrs and homophobes will go straight to anti's. There will be people who have a problem with them having lied to them. There will be people asking them to leave BTS just like they have asked for Yoongi leaving. I don't think it will be pretty and I think Hybe will not let them at this point in time.

In ten years though.. when they reach the end of their thirties... things might be different. When they get media cooperation (and media can be bought), when they no longer need to be seen as every girls boyfriend. I can see them do it then (maybe sooner if they want to start a family). There's ways to prepare the public for a coming out. It will be small steps to get the public used to the idea.

I'm always hoping for freedom to come early for them, but maybe in some way they are able to feel free while being private as well. They are able to be together, they are able to travel together (Hawaii), they are probably able to just be them amongst friends and family. For a celebrity couple being public limits freedom in some ways as well.

There is always the possibility of them never making an announcement and going more into a 'glass closet' kinda situation. It would entirely depend on how public they as a couple would want to be. They don't owe us or SK any explanation about their relation.. no matter how much we would like to know.

[deadinthefoam]

Hero Worship, Terrible Artists And Thursday

Trigger warning; this blog/essay contains mentions of sexual violence, racism, ableism and homophobia. Please keep yourself safe.

-

Recently, I've had a bit of a detachment phase going on.

Realising that your heroes aren't perfect is a very natural, and important, part of maturing; no matter how well put together somebody's image might be, no person is incapable of making a mistake, or doing something “problematic”. Notes app apologies seem to have become a staple of online culture, when a celebrity's old tweets resurface about some miscellaneous topic, and the swift hammer of chronically online twitter — oops, X — users falls down to determine whether this person is “good”.

Of course, when the topic is serious, concerning racism, homophobia, transphobia, ableism, sexual assault etc., I find that saying we should “cancel” these people shows the trivialisation of serious issues in online spaces. Though, I suppose the concept of an angry mob is something that’s been in our society for a long, long time, so it harkens back to our primal instincts of justice. That being said, you can't “cancel” anybody; rich people find their way back to the top and move on 99.9% of the time, and all we can do is watch. This is the hellscape of capitalism (late stage, if we’re going to be specific). And it is frustrating beyond all words, so we have giant campaigns to seek some kind of catharsis, hoping we can get this person beaten with virtual sticks. The internet is often a lawless place, so we create our own type of karma.

What helps us in our quests, naturally, is the fact that all information can now so easily be dropped into our laps. A quick google search is all you need to find out somebody’s achievements, and their greatest “flops”. Exposé articles and think pieces are ready for us to consume, mull over in silent discomfort, before at the end, there’s the unexplainable dread that we now have to come to a conclusion about all of this, by ourselves; there is no definitive authority on this subject, no great philosophical statement, because, as we are constantly reminded by the snot nosed critics, “art is subjective”. Suddenly, after being metaphorically waved off by the high brows, who declare us too unimaginative to understand the genius of Woody Allen, we now have to decide the morality of a piece of work, or person. We are inexplicably burdened by our love for art.

My mother once told me that “all knowledge is good knowledge”. I don’t really consider my knowing of Johnny Depp’s sexual abuse of his ex-wife to be particularly “good”. My knowledge becomes a dead weight. Clair Dederer, in her book ‘Monsters: What Do We Do With Great Art By Bad People?’ [2023], (which I took quite a few cues and good takeaways from), put it best: “Biography used to be something you sought out, yearned for, actively pursued. Now it falls on your head all day long.”

Because of this, I see that the backlash from fans against a public figure can be more vitriolic than most — these are the people who actively seek out those biographies, and delve deeply into them. Of course, you have the adamant defenders, but there's something oddly heartbreaking about the fury of an ex-fan, who found such value in somebody's work, perhaps deriving a piece of their soul from it, only for the creator to do something they find to be unforgivable.

The most recent of this phenomenon, and possibly the most impactful to me personally, I've found, is the case of Neil Gaiman fans, and how his countless sexual assaults have left much of his audience feeling deeply betrayed. I have seen countless fans, or perhaps ex-fans now, speaking about how his work inspired them, made them feel safe despite the world not wanting them — only to be told that, just like so many other rich, white men, Gaiman took advantage of his power, and inflicted unforgivable trauma on many young women. Discussions of death of the author are rife; separation of art from the artist begins (if it can begin).

Full clarity here — I was never a big fan of Gaiman, not to say that makes me better than anyone who was. I do label myself as a nerd, so perhaps not being very familiar with his works makes me a poser, but I was aware of his significance in comic book culture. He was one of those acclaimed figures that people would talk about online as though he were a modern day God, praising his writing, his activism, and all around “good vibes”. I read “Coraline” once, was vaguely impressed by it, and then moved on. That didn’t make the news of his crimes any less jarring to me; many people who I met through online spaces who were fans of his are absolutely heartbroken, and the backlash felt so personal, so devastated, that in a strange, twisted way, I am intrigued by it.

How can we be so emotionally invested in people we don’t know?

Trust is very rarely a two way street when it comes to the artist you like (though it can be possible). We truly don't know anyone through our screens, no matter how hard we could try to. The outpouring of grief over somebody you don't really know is both something irrational yet rational. You are mourning a person you've only seen a speck of; because artists do put a part of their soul into their work, and if you look for it, you can see it. People grasp that with both hands, find meaning in it, and use it to find strength in themselves. That is something vulnerable, intimate — if you choose to kill the author, after they commit some heinous crime, do you kill a piece of yourself?

What I'm trying to get at here, is that relationships between artists and their audiences are fraught; parasocial, if we're going to use that word (whole nother box of worms). Going back to my first statement, I have been going through a process of carefully detaching myself from the artists I enjoy, so I save myself at least a part of the humiliation and heartbreak in case something awful comes out about them. It's a self preservation tactic based on suspicion, that isn't new. And I am not immune to it. Nobody is.

With great effort, I’ve pulled myself away from Shirley Manson, from Chappell Roan, from Jarvis Cocker, from Anthony Green, from Paramore, from My Chemical Romance (efforts still ongoing here — MCR is a terribly easy band to get attached to). Now I attempt to see things objectively, so I don't have to feverishly hope and pray that none of the artists I love have sexually assaulted a child. I'm aware I sound horrifically cynical.

That being said, the band Thursday from New Jersey will always be perfect to me.

No, no — that's wrong. Hold on.

I know Thursday cannot be perfect, because I will always stand by the philosophy that nothing is perfect. Yet, I have the most trouble detaching myself from this band. It's a bit of a twisted cycle, I will go through phases of completely cutting away any personal strings I have to the artists, and yet inevitably I return.

Probably part of the draw is the golden retriever-like charisma of lead singer Geoff Rickly, who's very vocal on his Instagram stories, and is very open to talking with fans. I'm one of those fans, occasionally asking questions in direct messages, or sharing artwork, though I'm sure I'm incessantly irritating. I find Geoff oddly comforting, as a person I maybe could have been — musically gifted, friendly, and able to make good connections with people. Instead, I sit alone in my small room at university, having dropped most of my musical interests in favour of a law degree that I'm not entirely sure I want to do. And I know I'm young, in comparison, I still have (in my opinion far too much) time left; but the existential dread isn't easy to cope with. I have to make decisions that I feel I am wildly unequipped for, in a world that clearly does not want me. Geoff exudes a kind of warmth and openness, which makes me feel as though maybe I can be as content as him, eventually.

The rest of the band are active on social media, each bringing their own unique personalities. Tucker Rule, the drummer, is the most frequent poster, sharing almost every concert he does (which is a fucking lot, considering his position in LS Dunes as well), as well as a few sweet posts about his family. Stu Richardson, bassist and producer, is relatively quiet, but his few words count just as much as anybody else's, and his handprints are all over their new single's (White Bikes) slick production. I definitely found a sense of safety in the band, after I listened to a podcast between Geoff, Steve Pedulla and Norman Brannon, the two guitarists, and found that queer people in hardcore was, well, something that existed.

And the fandom provides warmth as well; a strange mix of older hardcore guys, and younger, mainly gay and/or trans fans, who create a space which is marginally more accepting than probably every other fandom I've ever been in. Then, just as I was furious about none of my favourite musicians speaking about Palestine, Sudan and the Congo, Geoff Rickly calls on stage almost every night for an end to the genocides in each of those countries, and rags on US imperialism.

It's glorious. It's all I've ever wanted in a band.

It's fucking scary.

Because now, what do I do if these people ever disappoint me? How should I proceed? Should I burn my baseball cap that I got from their website and paid extortionate shipping fees for? Should I toss my Thursday albums in the garbage? The CDs that Geoff so kindly signed, after following their concert in London during summer, I utterly blew my chance to meet him and had a panic induced meltdown in front of their tour bus?

(I still feel embarrassed about that.)

All that pain, all that grief, and hatred, and love — where does it go?

Fuck if I know.

Instead, I'd like to perhaps posit something new. Detaching from your heroes is good; but a full disconnect is usually impossible. Perhaps we should find new things to explore, new ways to fall in love, get heartbroken by, and move on from. This is just the human experience, to love and to lose, and to move onwards; not everybody in the world is going to disappoint you, despite what the cynics may argue. We are not naturally selfish and cruel. Not to bring politics into things, but those traits are normalised under capitalism.

At a point, you realise that the artist who has done something terrible is not one of a kind. They are one of many; sexual assault, in the case of Neil Gaiman, is something that occurs so often among rich, high status, powerful men, that it is normalised. Neil Gaiman seemingly did everything right, he was an ally to the queer community, he was a “feminist” by all accounts, and yet here we are. But I find that putting any more effort into someone like that, who wears the face of a good person, to be tiring and not something anyone should go through.

It will take time, but I feel as though a mild detachment is necessary, for yourself, and the artist, because you can have trust both ways, through a sense of mutual understanding. You don't realise you have something until it's gone, how fandoms mourn their favourite creators when those creators step away from fandom and social media entirely (and for good reason!) and leave us behind; like Alan Moore, Gerard Way or Ryan Ross. Their (public) biographies stop — we are no longer privy to their lives. And who are we to tell these people what they can do? Fame is a terrible thing, most of the time, yet it’s a tragedy that we keep having to learn, every time a young artist passes away.

Funny how it takes somebody dying for us to pull together.

So, I’m going to keep being annoying about Thursday, milk that youthful naivety, until I grow up a little more. I’m going to keep making my silly portraits of band members, because I know the day will come where I will have to put my paintbrush down, and permanently trade it in for a keyboard and court documents. With age, I expect that some things will not affect me as deeply as they do now, and I will understand my idols as I become closer to their age. I will learn to distance myself, with time — but I can still care. It is never a crime to care. Love is a burden I will gladly shoulder for a little while more.

I don’t want to wade into faux deep talk, and get in over my head, so I’ll wrap things up now.

Maybe I've been completely pretentious this entire ramble. Maybe all these words mean fuckall in the grand scheme of things, someone’s surely thinking “we have bigger things to worry about”, and I don’t disagree. So, I'll leave you with this: be kind to yourself, fall in love with new art. When the artists you love disappoint you deeply, scream “fuck you”, with righteous rage and sadness — cry and feel. Write that think piece. Burn a book if you want to.

But do not ever give up on yourself for trusting somebody. You still have love to give to those who better deserve it, and your love is worth so much more than you can ever imagine. Love is neither rational, nor logical, but it is real.

[the-heart-of-a-monster]

It’s funny how I keep coming back to The Heart of a Monster. I must’ve binge-read every page you’ve so far turned out, and I still can’t get enough of it!

Sonic and Shadow … I’m a Sonadow shipper, have been ever since I first saw Sonic X a long, long time ago, what really got me into the franchise. I always felt that the two had such an easy makings for a friendship between them, how even when they were enemies, there was just this … thing between them, something that I saw and had hoped to continue seeing the more the series had the two interact with each other. (Shadow’s death brutalized me until I saw him return later on.)

As I grew up, that thing I saw between them, what made me think they could have such an easy friendship, soon turned into seeing they had such a chemistry that they could easily become more than friends if given even a smidgen of chance.

Any interpretation however of the two together, positive mind you, made me happy. It didn’t matter whether they were being shipped romantically, platonically, however have you. So long as I could just find the two together.

So this series? Sonic Unleashed had always won a special place in my heart, and the song a place in my top favorites list, so seeing Shadow along for the wild ride that introduced the infamous Werehog form? Seeing your most recent page where Shadow is comforting Sonic, taking on the role Maria had in comforting him so long ago, and Sonic pulling Shadow into a hug? And that only being one moment of many in this series of yours that reminds me why I love seeing these two together?

Just … Thank you for giving me and everyone else who comes across The Heart of a Monster something special. Something to keep coming back to no matter how many times we’ve already gone through the comics.

Thank you for being you! ^w^

hi sorry for the late reply

one of the reasons i was putting this off for a bit was how you talked about "a chemistry that they could easily become more than friends"

it sounded wrong and i didn't find the words to describe it until now. treating romance as "more than friends" is kind of pretty harmful - not only to aromantic people, but everyone in general. it has this notion that friendship will always be lesser than romance. moreso it highlights how in society (influenced by romance genre entertainment) friendship and romance are often seen as seperate things that can't coexist for some reason? which is a reason many people go looking for romance outside of their best friends and instead meet strangers with the goal of finding romance??? or that if you start tading your best friend suddenly they're not your best friend anymore, but your romantic partner and that changes the way you're supposed to interact? that's bullshit i think. in real life at least, i dont care what kind of fantasies pursue in fiction- it's just really concerning how strongly it's treated as reality for children that end up internalizing this. i, for my part, have often felt like there was something wrong with me because i didn't partake in this dating culture and i didn't really feel any of the things i was told i would once i had a crush or a partner.. took me a long time to figure out i was aromantic bc i didn't know it was a thing i was allowed to be.

not trying to call you out here, but its more of an observation in how people/media talk about this topic and how it can affect us.

as for the rest of your ask... thank you so much im glad you enjoy this series!

[seventhscorpio]

Part of it is definitely the culture clash of what constitutes "traditional" family dynamics and gender roles in the anglosphere vs. here in Poland, and part of it is the standards in the environment I grew up in, but I so often find myself utterly befuddled by some of the US-Western takes on these issues. Not only the "your family could afford having a stay-at-home mother??" but also the "your father didn't pick you up from school or do groceries or vacuum the house????" and I know this is a huge generalisation, but in times like these I wonder how much of an impact discovering The Sims series at the tender age of 7 had on me. Especially TS2, because the latter games (and TS4 especially) have been progressively sanitised. That game came out in 2004 and had a household with three brothers raising canonically one, and possibly two kids, both of which they gave birth to THEMSELVES. There were two elderly ladies living together, along with a single father whose wife left him to pursue her dream of becoming a pirate (and she was playable too). There were so many different family and household dynamics presented, from nuclear and multi-generational families to siblings living together, friends living together, single fathers, single mothers, children being raised by grandparents, aunts, uncles or their older siblings, families with biological and adopted children, childfree relationships, many single-person households, it was all across the board! And yeah lol we all know Bella Goth, the famous fridged femme fatale housewife, but there's not as much talk about the stay-at-home fathers, women who provide for the families, guys who provide for their children by being an artist (Darren Dreamer ftw!!!), women in STEM (there's so many), people with successful careers and a happy family life, just. Idk if you wanna teach your kid family can be anything, let them play TS2. And of course it is a 2004 so there aren't any obviously lgbt relationships there, but the subtext is sometimes so blatant you can't ignore it lol, the community picked up on that so hard, and the majority of the characters are canonically bi. And yeah you can have a same-sex marriage with no fuss in a 2004 game, it works EXACTLY the same as a m/f relationship. I guess it was TS2 that rewired my brain a bit, 12/10 most recommended