#skdjklg no if he was actually at the forefront of my brainrot
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y'all don't know how grateful i am that tu.lin takes up so much of my brainrot honestly, because if it was kido who was at the helm of this. fooey!
#* roosting / ooc.#exploring themes of hating everything that's associated with someone and wanting to hate them too but you can't help but love them#because what you had with them is still the only time you were ever First in anything. and even then! they chose someone-something else#over you. and you are loved dearly by others but only because they have to (or so you feel)#if you were not already a part of them and none of what happened to you happened they would not have chosen you (or so you feel).#you are second-rate and second-loved and second-best (or so you feel).#and you have complicated feelings about your people's beloved hero that you can't truly express because nobody will GET it#you exalt him. you can't stand the thought of him. you still admire his ambition. you think he's the worst thing ever.#there's a part of your culture that you can't pursue because of how much it hurts and reminds you of what you've lost and how you lost it.#and you think you should grieve this. you think you should grieve him. and you did and you do but it feels like it isn't enough.#(with him it never feels like you're enough. you've just never let yourself feel it)#anyhoo. i will probably never write these. but know they are part of kido's foundation!#skdjklg no if he was actually at the forefront of my brainrot#it'd just be shenanigans and fluff dialed up the wazoo sldfkjl#i gotta go now because. work in a few hours [buzzer sound] but writing again soon!#goodnight and have a lovely rest of your day folks! be seeing you <3#long tags cw
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