#there's a lot going on here im not gonna tag every sincle person

[jisungjuice]

8th Year Group Chat

so i started wrting this the other day when i was a bit drunk and it’s silly and very long so forgive me

draco: okay so i created this chat because we need to talk about the elephant in the room

wayne has left the chat

pansy: what’s an elephant

blaise: are you kidding

ron: it’s like a hippogriff but with no wings or beak or claws and it’s fatter and it has a trunk

hermione: that’s the worst description of an elephant i’ve ever heard

theo: how many have you heard?

hermione: shut up

draco: it’s a muggle expression pansy for fuck’s sake

lavender: spit it out malfoy

millicent: lav love, draco doesn’t spit, he likes to swallow

draco: SHUT UP

dean: LOL

seamus: POWNED!

hermione: it’s supposed to be “pwned” which it’s actually supposed to be “owned” which doesn’t meake any sense to me? why would they own you when they insult you?

daphne: oh my god

ernie: are you sure you didn’t add me by accident? this seems like a slytherdor thing

hermione: ?

pansy: slytherdor?

padma: that’s what the rest of us call it when your houses get chummy

susan: which happens more than you’d think

blaise: we do not get “chummy” with the gryffindors

seamus: we hate each other so?

anthony: yeah, you “hate” each other so much you forget everyone else exists

hannah: last weekend, who were the only ones playing truth or dare until seven am after everyone else had gone to sleep?

hermione: ...

padma: malfoy, parkinson, zabini, bullstrode, potter, weasley, granger, finnigan, and brown

millicent: not true. me and lav went to bed WAY before all those losers

ron: hey!

ernie: they can’t help it, they have to impress each other every chance they get

dean: no we don’t!

theo:...yes we do. our houses are completely disfunctional and codependent

seamus: get bent, nott

theo: make me

seamus: is that a dare?

theo: see what i mean?

hermione: someone read the psychology books i suggested

blaise: yeah, thanks a fuckton granger, now he won’t stop analyzing everything we do

draco: everyone SHUT THE FUCK UP im trying to talk about something here!

theo: you should really work those anger issues

terry: is this about the dirty dishes in the sink because if so i agree, we need to talk about it

draco: no

neville: hey everyone!

gregory: i didn’t leave those dishes!

ron: literally no one said it was you

justin: had anyone finished slughorn’s essay? i could use the help

mandy: you can borrow mine tomorrow, but i should warn you that i did it at 3am and can’t remember if it’s good or bad

draco: THIS ISNT A STUDY CHAT YOU KNOB HEADS

lisa: *sigh* hurry up and tell us, some of us have things to do

draco: right

draco: we all have to share a common room now, which means we need some ground rules so we can get along

pansy: we have ground rules, granger made that very clear in the first official 8th year weekly assembly

pavarti: yeah, we all signed the contract

draco: but i think we need to add a new rule

michael: couldn’t you just have brought it up during the next weekly meeting?

draco: no, corner, i fucking couldn’t because this is urgent and needs to be said now

tracey: daphne, did you borrow my mascara again?

susan: you could have just texted granger about the new rule

draco: NO. EVERYONE NEEDS TO KNOW ABOUT THIS

theo: or, you just need to be the center of attention

ron: it’s definitely that

hermione: malfoy, would you just tell us already?

terry: i’d like to add a clause that enforces the ‘keeping the dishes clean’ rule

hermione: noted

terry has left the chat

draco: people shouldn’t be able to walk around on their underpants in the common area

lisa: ?

daphne: oh my god

lavender: who does that?

seamus: i was extremely drunk and it only happened once!

dean: and i think everyone appreciated it

millicent: *gags*

ernie: weren’t you the one who convinced finnigan to remove his trousers?

millicent: ... why do you always remember everything?

draco: are you all fucking blind? this is about potter!

mandy has left the chat

neville: haha, good one malfoy

anthony: may i ask if this entire chat is an april fools joke of some kind?

blaise: draco’s entire life is a joke

gregory: *high five*

susan: malfoy, some of us have things to do

draco: for the past few days every time I go down in the mornings to make tea, potter's there without any trousers on!

pavarti: are you trying to tell us he was... naked?

draco: what?! no of course not!

rom: what's the big deal, we've all seen harry naked in the showers after a game

blaise: i must certainty haven't

lisa: neither have i

ron: well the ones who play quidditch have

hermione: i don't play quidditch and i've seen harry nude

pansy: that's because you're a pervert

neville: hermione's not a pervert!

theo: right, she's just secure in her sexuality and actually mature

padma: this is why no one likes you

blaise: yeah, because everybody loves ravenclaws

tracey: more like ravenpuffs

gregory: good one!

tracey: thanks greg

susan: malfoy i've seen harry every morning this week and never once was he naked

draco: I DIDNT SAY HE WAS NAKED

draco: he was in his underpants like the common room was some kind of french bouyeristic cabaret!

daphne: oh my god

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seamus: that... sounds amazing

seamus: can we do that?

pansy: no

lisa: no

ernie: no

millicent: if it's only the girls, yes

dean: don't worry babe, we'll do it in the gryffindor dormitories

neville: no

hermione: malfoy, harry wasn't in his underpants, he was wearing shorts

draco: what's the difference

anthony: are you kidding

anthony has left the chat

hannah: shorts go over your underpants

draco: but i could see his legs

tracey: so?

draco: I DONT WANT TO SEE POTTER'S LEGS

susan: so close your eyes for merlin's sake stop bugging everyone about it

padma: wow nott is right, malfoy has some serious anger issues

theo: oh, now you like me, patil?

padma: no

neville: that was kind of rude

ernie: see? slytherin and gryffindor always stick up for each other

michael: wait, harry isn't on this chat

draco: that's because we need to discuss this without him

susan: he's literally the only person that really needs to be in here

susan has left the chat

hermione: malfoy, we can't forbid people wearing shorts

draco: this is UNACCEPTABLE

draco: what's next? am i going to be forced to see potter shirtless just because it's hot outside?

hermione: ... i don't think so?

draco: are you saying he wouldn't do that?

draco: there's no risk of that happening?

justin: i need help with my dada homework, does anyone know where harry is? i don't care if he's wearing shorts

pansy: he's probably haunting draco's dreams

hermione: harry's sitting next to me

draco: WHAT

pavarti: oh plot twist

draco: has he been reading all of this?

hermione: no, though i did ask him if he's been walking around in his underwear which he found strange

ernie: topics of discussion for next ravenpuff meeting; new slogan, playlists for studying, and how to deal with slytherdor's sarcastic passive aggression

ernie: whoops wrong chat

seamus: ha-ha very funny macmillan

michael: they are secretly very worried that we do have meetings because they know we'd rule them if we wanted to

tracey: michael please, you would look prettier with your mouth shut

hannah: and all slytherins would look prettier with a hufflepuff on their arm but go off I guess

theo: a slytherpuff couple would have an interesting compatibility profile

blaise: then why don't you date one

theo: jealous?

dean: uh oh, trouble in paradise

dean: looks like we continue to be the best same-house couple @seamus

theo: shut it or i'll murder you in your sleep

draco: who has anger issues now?

blaise: that's my bf

ron: oi, I'm trying to see if I can defeat everyone in our year at chess, who haven't I played with?

justin has left the chat

ron: was it something i said?

millicent: you haven’t played me weasley, but that’s because i’ll destroy you

ron: you’re ON

lavender: i can’t decide if my ex and my current lover competing against each other is hot or creepy

pansy: hot

hannah: hot

lisa: hot

neville: a little creepy

draco: so how are we going to solve this potter thing? I think we all agree it's a BIG and rather disgusting problem

lisa: *eye roll*

padma: oh don't worry malfoy, we are all working very hard to ensure this gets sorted asap

draco: really?

draco: I mean... good.

draco: I think getting full access to potter's wardrobe would help

ron: i agree, i think malfoy deserves a place inside harry's closet

blaise: and vice versa

draco: what are you talking about potter's got terrible taste

lisa: and annoying too, he's got a taste for some terrible and annoying things

draco: exactly

hannah: wow you were right pansy, it's truly unbelievable

neville: and harry's even worse sometimes

dean: ugh yes, so frustrating

draco: what are you nitwits talking about?

ernie: oh, nothing really

ernie: except that we've been having another chat without you trying to work out a solution to this stupid problem

draco: what?

pavarti: @everybody NOW

lisa, millicent, lavender, ernie, blaise, michael, dean, seamus, hannah, tracey, pavarti, and neville and have left the chat

draco: WHAT

padma has added harry to the chat

padma: good luck malfoy!

padma has left the chat

gregory: oh shit are we doing this now?

gregory has left the chat

hermione: harry, malfoy here thought it was time you two had a private chat

pansy: and he thinks you've got nice legs

draco: PANSY

hermione: yes that too

hermione and pansy have left the chat

harry: what

ron: sorry mate

ron has left the chat

draco: ...

harry: so...

harry: I heard you have a problem with my shorts

draco: i do

draco: they're bloody distracting

harry: okay

harry: maybe if you weren't such a prick you'd be able to mind your own business

draco: shut up potter

draco: wanna go to the lake this weekend?

harry: ...okay?

draco: it's gonna be a hot day

draco: so

draco: just saying you should dress accordingly

harry: :)

theo: it's interesting that our year has a higher than average amount of non-heterosexual people. potter, what would you say has defined your sexuality the most? a) epigenetics, b) environment, c) upbringing

harry: what the fuck

draco: theo, fuck off

theo has left the chat

draco: :)