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penmansparadise · 2 years ago

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Eddie Munson ~ The Adventurer and the Dungeon Master Part Two

*I DON'T OWN THIS GIF* *CREDIT TO GIF OWNER*

Pairing: Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 4.9k

Warnings: SMUT and mild language

a/n: Here it is, everyone, the greatly anticipated and much-asked-for part two!! I hope this lives up to the hype lol. I had a good time writing it, so hopefully, you all like it. I mentioned a lot of music in this one lol. Foreigner’s “4″ album, which is iconic, Ozzy’s “Shot in the Dark,” and Metallica’s “Master of Puppets,” which is a fantastic album. Check them out! As always, thank you thank you for all the likes and reblogs. They are truly appreciated. The next post will be a Steve Harrington request and then a whole bunch of Eddie ones lol. So, stay tuned for that! My requests are still open, but like usual, it will take a while to get to any new ones. But, if you're down to wait, then go ahead send them in. Also, if you want to be added to my tag list, let me know! Enjoy everyone!!

Your leg jumped as you watched the seconds tick by on the clock. This was an everyday occurrence now. You couldn’t wait to get through your class so you could rush off to the lunchroom and get your hands on your boyfriend – Eddie Munson. It wasn’t long after Dustin had caught you two making out that you and Eddie became an official couple. And since then, you couldn’t keep your hands to yourself. It started out with his hand on your waist and yours on his arm, but that slowly became insufficient. You were like feral animals when you saw each other. You couldn’t get enough of one another. Eventually, the two of you started skipping classes just to have your hands tangled in his curls while his mouth roamed up and down your neck. It had even become almost like a tradition that after every campaign, you would stay after to have Eddie pin you against the table. It was to the point where Dustin and Mike had stopped asking you for rides.

When the bell rang, you scooped up your bag and nearly ran out of the classroom. You didn’t care about the dirty looks you got as you pushed people to the side on your way to the cafeteria. By the time you entered the room, Eddie and the rest of the Hellfire boys were already sitting at their table. You couldn’t help how your heart jumped in your chest at the sight of your boyfriend. Even after months of being together, he still had that effect on you. You navigated through the crowded room until you were walking up to the table. The moment Eddie saw you, a wide grin spread across his face, and he stood to greet you. His hands wrapped around your waist and slid down into your rear pockets. The little squeeze he gave sent tingles down to your core.

“Hi, baby,” you said before pressing a soft kiss to his lips. His thick curls created a curtain around both of your faces.

“That shirt looks really good on you,” he said before bending down until his lips were just barely grazing over your ear and whispered, “but I bet it’d look even better off.”

You slapped his arm playfully.

“Eddie,” you whisper shouted.

He didn’t seem to care as he nuzzled into your neck before finally pulling back to place another kiss on your mouth. You could hear someone making an overdramatic gagging noise from the table, and you leaned to the side enough to see that it was Dustin.

“Please,” he said, holding his stomach like he had been punched, “I can’t watch you two any longer.”

Eddie whipped his head around and said, “Then stop looking, Henderson.”

You let out a little laugh before reluctantly peeling Eddie’s hands off your body and moving around him to go sit. As you walked by, he gave your ass a light slap. Dustin groaned in disgust which earned a satisfied grin from Eddie. You both took your seats, and Eddie didn’t waste any time placing his hand on your thigh. Your core clenched at the light touch. It wasn’t out of the ordinary for him to rest his hands on you, but it still lit a fire somewhere deep inside of you every time he did it.

For the remainder of lunch, you weren’t even paying attention to the conversation. All you could focus on was the way his thumb rubbed circles on your inner thigh. You may have been dating for a couple of months now, but still, nothing more than serious make out sessions had happened between you two. But that didn’t stop you from having vivid dreams about the way his bare body would feel pressed up against you. Or the way his fingers would feel curling inside of you. Just thinking about it sent your heart into a flurry.

The bell ringing, indicating the end of lunch, snapped you out of your thoughts. The table cleared quickly, the rest of the boys all but running off to their next classes. You gathered your bag, but before you could stand, Eddie’s grip tightened, and you stopped. The confident boy from earlier had fizzled out and was replaced with someone who couldn’t seem to make eye contact with you. Instead, Eddie’s eyes were darting from the floor to the table to the chairs. You raised your brows.

“Is everything alright?”

He nodded but still refused to look at you.

“No, yeah, yeah, everything’s fine,” he said before running his free hand through his thick mane. “I was just, um, I was just wondering,” he started shaking his head, “I mean, Uncle Wayne h-he’s working nights, so I’ll have the place to myself.” Eddie used one finger to scratch the side of his head, and you could see a faint tint of red creeping over his cheeks. “So, you, if you want…”. He drifted off, and you couldn’t help but giggle at his nervousness.

“Eddie,” you said, finally getting him to look at you, “are you trying to invite me over?”

His throat bobbed before he nodded.

“Y-yeah, I am.”

Your heart jumped in your chest, and your stomach flipped.

“Okay,” you said, “we can go after the campaign tonight.”

Before he had a chance to say anything else, you stood, gave him a quick kiss, then hustled off to class.

As if like clockwork, the feeling of longing returned as soon as you were sitting at your desk. The rest of the day went on like that. Each class dragged as you watched the hands on the clock go round and round until finally, the final bell rang. You rushed out of the class and hurried to the room where the rest of the Hellfire boys were waiting on you. Where Eddie was. And when you finally made it there, you were the last to arrive. You greeted the rest of the boys before taking your spot next to Eddie, and the campaign began.

Just like at lunch, Eddie’s hand found your thigh making it hard to focus on the campaign. With every good move you made or near miss, Eddie’s hand would slide further and further up your leg. With each inch he gained, you could feel the heat building between your thighs. And every time you looked at him, his eyes were burning with an intensity you had never seen before, nearly sending you over the edge. By the time the campaign ended, you were fully convinced you were seconds away from ripping his clothes off right there. You probably would have had the room been empty, but the joyous cheers from the rest of the boys grounded you.

You joined in on the celebration, and soon you all were trickling out of the room into the parking lot. Eddie’s arm was strewn over your shoulders as you said your goodbyes, and he led you to his van. He opened the door for you, giving you a little bow as you got in, before walking around and getting into the driver’s side. He didn’t talk as he drove off the school property and toward the trailer park. The only sound was Ozzy’s voice singing “Shot in the Dark” from his speakers. You looked at him as you leaned against the door. His fingers were hugging the steering wheel so tight his knuckles were turning white, and his left leg was bouncing. A small empathetic smile pulled at the corners of your lips as you leaned over and planted a kiss on his cheek. The same crimson tint from earlier crept onto his face again, but his hands relaxed, and his leg stopped moving.

“What was that for?” He asked, taking a quick glance at you.

You leaned back against the door and said, “To calm you down.”

He blew a huff of air through his nose, but the tension in his shoulders was gone for the remainder of the ride.

When Eddie came to a stop in front of the trailer, you grabbed your bag and hopped out, following him up the few steps leading to the entrance. Once again, he held the door open, and you showed yourself inside. The trailer was much smaller than you expected. From the front door, you could almost see the entire home. You didn’t wait for Eddie to start showing you around. Instead, you stepped further inside, taking in everything. The walls were lined with coffee mugs and hats, all decorated with something different. The little living room only had a lounge chair and a fold-away bed that you assumed was for his uncle.

“Sorry for the mess,” Eddie said as he franticly grabbed handfuls of trash and threw them in the garbage can. “Uh, the maid took the week off.”

You could see how anxious he was to have you in his home. This was the most he ever opened up to you. Sure, you knew that his home life wasn’t the best and that he was being raised by his uncle, but that was it. It was a huge step in your relationship that he even invited you over. You moved across the small living room and rubbed his arm with a smile.

“It’s okay, babe,” you said, then pointed down the hall. “This your room?”

He gave a weak nod before you walked forward into the tiny space. You dropped your bag by the door as you began looking around again. Eddie followed behind you, and you could hear him pop a cassette tape into his tape deck. The heavy guitar riffs of Metallica’s “Master of Puppets” filled the room as he took a seat in the chair by his door. You took in everything from his posters to the handcuffs hanging on his wall. Eddie never took his eyes off you as you made your way around his room. You walked up to his guitar and gently traced your fingers over its shiny body before moving to his cassette collection. You flicked through a couple, then turned to face Eddie, nose scrunched.

“Don’t you have anything else other than Megadeth and Ozzy?”

He dramatically grabbed ahold of his chest, feigning offense.

“Hey,” he said, eyebrows knitted, “there’s nothing wrong with those bands.”

You tilted your head back and forth, earning a gasp from Eddie. You laughed as you walked over to your backpack and started digging through it.

“No,” you began just as you found what you were looking for, “there may not be anything wrong with them, but it’s always nice to broaden your horizons a little.”

You held up a cassette of your own before popping it into his tape deck. The beginning notes of Foreigner’s “4” album started playing. Eddie gave you a look of revulsion.

“What is this?”

“Foreigner.”

His eyes widened.

“And you’d rather listen to this than Ozzy?”

You chuckled and waved him off as you began looking around again.

“Just be quiet and listen. Remember, you’re broadening your music taste.”

Eddie crossed his arms over his chest, watching you move around his room. The first few tracks of the album came and went, but when the keyboard from “Waiting for a Girl Like You” started playing, you stopped.

“Oh,” you exclaimed, turning to face Eddie with a smile, “I love this song!”

Without even thinking about it, you started to move along to the music and reached your hand out to Eddie.

“Come dance with me,” you said without missing a beat. Eddie let out a laugh that sounded more like a croak.

“Oh, no, I don’t dance.”

You walked up to him, taking his hands in yours and with a wide grin, said, “You do tonight.”

You pulled him to the center of his small room and continued to sway to the song. Your eyes shut as you let the music flow through your body. You dropped Eddie’s hands, turning until your back was facing him. Your feet stepped along to the beat, and you didn’t even care that Eddie wasn’t actually dancing with you. There was no contact at first, but then you felt the warmth of Eddie’s hands land on the outside of your thighs. You were still swaying as his hands crawled up your legs until the forefinger on each of his hands looped through your belt loops and pulled you flush against his chest. You couldn’t help the tiny gasp that escaped your lips at the sudden contact. He moved along with your body as he bent his head down to the crook of your neck. His lips were so close to your ear that you could feel his breath on your skin.

“You know,” he said, voice husky, “I don’t typically like this kind of music.” You leaned your head back into him, falling apart at the seams. Being pressed up against him, you could feel the vibration of his voice, and you couldn’t stop the sensation it was sending between your legs.

“But this song is growing on me,” Eddie said, lips barely grazing over your ear. You sucked in a breath, trying to maintain your composure.

“Yeah?”

Eddie just hummed in response before he began peppering kisses up your neck. You dropped your weight against him, wanting to be as close as humanly possible. His fingers dug into your hips before he brought one hand up and tilted your head to the side, gaining access to your lips. He didn’t waste any time attacking your mouth with his. And without breaking the kiss, you twisted in his grip until your chest was pressed against his. You could feel the pounding of his heart on your hands as you gripped his T-shirt. Eddie finally released your belt loop and allowed his hand to slide down to your ass while the other grabbed the back of your head, pulling you deeper into the kiss. A low moan fell from your lips, earning your ass a little squeeze. Your mind was in a tizzy. Things never went this slow. Usually, you’d be pressed up against a wall by now. But Eddie was taking his time with you, and you could tell he knew the effect it was having on you.

You let go of Eddie’s shirt, letting your hands climb up his chest until you could slip his vest off. He stepped back and dropped his hands long enough for the piece of denim to drop to the floor before effortlessly scooping you up by the back of your thighs and reconnecting your lips. It didn’t take him very long to reach his bed, where he gently placed you down. He stepped back again, pulling his shirt over his head and tossing it to the side. You felt like a dog salivating over its dinner. Your eyes devoured every inch of Eddie’s body. His black jeans hung low on his hips, exposing the hint of a v line. And his arms and chest were littered with tattoos. You had to clench your fists to prevent yourself from hopping up and touching every piece of his exposed flesh. You could feel your breathing picking up as you followed Eddie’s lead, sliding your shirt over your head. He let out a low growl, and you could see his eyes darken just slightly as he looked from your balled-up shirt to your lacy bra.

“Hm,” he hummed, taking a step forward, “I was right.”

He slowly started crawling up your body, leaving a trail of kisses in his wake. Each place his lips touched burned and left you wanting more. You arched your back into him.

“Right about what?” You asked, the question coming out a bit breathier than you had intended. Eddie lifted his head and looked at you. His pupils were dilated, black with desire, and he smirked.

“That shirt does look better off of you,” he said before connecting his lips with yours again.

His mouth moved smoothly against yours as his hands began wandering over your body. They started at your shoulders and slid down over your breasts, then down your torso. His calloused fingers felt like electricity shooting through your body. They found their way down to your ass again, and you squirmed under his touch. He wasn’t in a hurry. Each touch he made felt calculated. He began kissing down your torso, his lips following the same path his fingers made. Your shoulders then down your collar bone until he was pressing a wet kiss between your breasts. The little curls falling over his face brushed against you, causing goosebumps to rise all over you. Eddie looked at you through his lashes as he made his way down to your jeans, and you leaned your head back. You could feel him unbutton your pants and peel them off before tossing them behind him. Your eyes were shut as you tried to control your breathing, but that idea completely disappeared when you felt his lips on your hip bones. A surge of wanting and yearning pulsed between your legs, and a whine escaped your lips. But Eddie didn’t stop there. He continued kissing farther down to your thighs. You could feel his curls rubbing against the insides of your legs just as his large hands grabbed them, spreading them just slightly. The cold contrast his rings left on your skin sent your mind reeling. You could feel the imprints those silver bands were leaving on you, and you let your legs fall open, hoping he would never stop. But he did.

You lifted your head to see him just as breathless as you were. He hooked two fingers into your panties and gradually pulled them down, tossing them to the side once your legs were finally free. You knew that he could see exactly what he was doing to you when he looked down at your core. Your legs were still spread, begging for him to give you something. Anything that would help tame the need building between your thighs. And when he dipped back down and started trailing wet kisses up your legs again, another moan erupted from you. He didn’t take his eyes off you as he kissed from one thigh to the other, slowly inching higher until he kissed your clit. You threw your head back as he continued up your stomach. Your mind was so fuzzy. You had spent so many nights imagining the way his mouth would feel on you, and it was so much better than you could have ever dreamed.

As he made his way back up, one of his hands slid around your back, unclipping your bra with one swift flick of his fingers. You shimmied out of the piece of fabric, and he stood up, taking in your exposed body. His stare wasn’t hungry like all the times before. No, he was admiring you. His eyes traveled the entire length of you, taking his time as he stared. And if you weren’t already turned on, the way that he looked at you at that moment sent your blood pulsing between your legs.

Without taking his eyes off you, he undid his belt and began undoing his pants before pulling them and his boxers down. You couldn’t help the way your jaw dropped as you looked at him. You had felt him hard against you during your many make out sessions, but you had no idea that was what he was concealing. You propped yourself up on your elbows as you stared at him. It was your turn to marvel at him. He was a sight to see fully clothed, but standing naked in front of you, completely vulnerable, he was even more attractive. You didn’t even think that was possible, but somehow Eddie proved you wrong.

He took his time climbing over you again, but this time you met him halfway, flinging your arms around his neck and pressing your lips to his. Everything felt like it was in slow motion. Eddie leaned you back onto his bed before reaching for the box of Trojans on his bedside table. You watched as he pulled a condom out and rolled it onto himself. He looked at you with a wrinkled brow.

“Is this alright?”

You nodded with fervor.

“Yes,” you said before placing both hands on the back of his head and pulling his lips to yours again.

He didn’t break the kiss as his hand trailed its way down the side of your body. He grabbed ahold of himself and started guiding himself into you, his rings sliding a cold crisp line on your inner thigh. You broke the kiss, rolling your eyes back and lips parting.

“Are you okay?” Eddie asked, his voice a little gruff.

“Yes, Eddie,” you said, the words coming out as a moan more than a statement.

He dipped his head into the crook of your neck and groaned, fully sliding into you. With each slow thrust, you could hear his little whimpers in your ear. The sounds of pleasure falling from his lips were almost enough to send you over the edge. He lifted his head at the same time you let yours lull back against his firm mattress. But it didn’t stay there long. Eddie’s hand delicately grabbed your cheeks and pulled your head forward until your eyes were locked with his.

“Holy shit, baby,” he groaned, “I want to see your face.”

You let out a moan so loud you were sure his neighbors across the street heard. This was the most pleasure you had ever felt. The way Eddie felt inside of you and the way his hands grabbed you. You were putty in his hands. Eddie let go of your face and let his hand cup your cheek for a second before dropping to his elbows. Every movement he made was measured. Every thrust was unhurried, as if he didn’t want the moment to end. Your nails dug into his back, adding red stripes to his already ink-clad skin. He gave sloppy kisses all over your neck as his whimpers mixed with your low whines. You could feel yourself getting closer with each deliberate stroke Eddie made. Your back started arching, and your pulse quickened.

“I’m close, baby,” you said through your heavy breathing. Eddie let out a low groan, and his pace started to accelerate. He was close too. As he began to pound into you faster and faster, you could feel yourself start to clench around him. Your legs were trembling, and your heart was racing. You dug your fingernails deeper into his back as you wrapped your legs around his waist, forcing him to go even deeper than he already was, and, within seconds, you were unraveling around him. Your cries of ecstasy overtook the music that was coming from Eddie’s tape deck. He dropped his head, groaning loudly as he continued to thrust into you until he was shaking and unloading himself. He stroked a few more times before you unfolded your legs from around him, and he fell next to you on the bed. Both of your chests were heaving as you lay there. He disposed of the condom, then grabbed a blanket and covered the two of you.

His hands found your waist and pulled you toward him. You folded into his side, letting your leg drape over his. Your head rested on his chest, and you could hear his heart was still racing. It was that and the soft sounds of Lou Gramm’s voice that filled your ears. As your breathing began to even, you started to trace the intricate lines of one of his tattoos. Your fingers barely brushed the surface of his skin, but you could still see the goosebumps rise on his arms. He planted a kiss on top of your head and let out a content sigh.

“Y/N?” Eddie whispered as if he spoke too loudly the soft moment you were having would shatter into a million pieces.

“Yes, baby?”

Eddie’s hand absentmindedly rubbed up and down your back.

“There’s something I’ve been wanting to tell you.”

You propped yourself up on your elbow to look him in the eye. You were so close to him that you couldn’t help but analyze his face. It took every ounce of self-control to not trace the lines of his jaw and nose. In the low light, every angle of his face was even more accented than usual. There were little beads of sweat on his forehead, causing the little stray curls to stick to his flushed skin. You reached up and brushed them back before leaning forward and giving him a Kunik.

“What’s on your mind?”

Eddie smiled at you and then placed a sweet kiss on your nose. He didn’t say anything at first, just continued to stare at you. You watched his eyes as they moved across your face, taking a second to look at each feature.

“You’re beautiful,” he said, rubbing his fingers from your cheekbone to your chin.

Your body buzzed at that simple statement. And that happened every time Eddie told you that, but you knew that wasn’t what was bothering him.

“You’re avoiding what you really want to say.”

Eddie let out a little laugh that turned into a groan, and you could see his face start to turn red again. He turned his head away from you in an attempt to hide his embarrassment. But you weren’t having it. You delicately placed your hand on his face and turned him until he was looking at you again. That nervous boy was back. The one who was so afraid to say the wrong thing and ruin everything. But you could see in his eyes what he wanted to say. And you wanted to hear him say it over and over again until the day you died.

“Tell me, Eddie.”

His eyes softened into almost a wince. He looked like, if given the chance, he would have jumped out of the bed and run. He swallowed.

“I’m afraid the timing isn’t right,” he whispered, voice thick with apprehension.

You stroked his hair and said, “I promise you; it isn’t.”

Eddie’s breathing was so uneven as he chewed on his lower lip for a minute. But you were patient. Eddie held his breath for a second as he brought his hand up to your face, thumb rubbing over your lower lip. Then he locked eyes with you.

“I love you, Y/N.”

Your heart exploded in your chest, and a tiny giggle bubbled out of you. It felt like a stampede of animals was rolling through your stomach. You wanted to ask him to say it again and then again after that, just for good measure. Even though you two had only been dating for a few months, you had been waiting to hear Eddie say those three little words. Your lips twitched as you tried to contain the grin that was threatening to split across your face as Eddie went on. He let out a breathy laugh and ran a hand through his already messy hair.

“I knew you were the one the first time you beat one of my campaigns.”

You were sure your eyes were burning like a fire as you stared at Eddie as he professed his love for you.

“It had never happened until you joined,” he said, then rolled his eyes. “And, of course, Henderson wouldn’t stop talking about you, which I’m pretty sure the kid has a thing for you.”

You laughed, dropping your head onto his chest to cover your face. Eddie kissed the top of your head before shaking his head.

“But anyway,” he began, “he just went on and on about you, so when you came in and dominated my campaign, I was gone.”

You lifted up to look at Eddie again. Your heart fluttered at the fervency in his eyes. He leaned his forehead against yours.

“You’re it for me, baby.”

Your face was burning, and your whole body tingled.

“I was hoping you’d say that.”

A smirk took over his face, and he hummed in response. You giggled like a child, unable to contain the joy that was overflowing inside you.

“Because I love you too, Eddie,” you said before pressing your lips to his.

Eddie’s arms tightened around your waist as he pulled you into his chest again. When you released the kiss, you let your head drop to the crook of Eddie’s neck, and your leg fell back over his. It was silent now, the music stopped playing. But you didn’t mind. You were wrapped in the arms of the man you loved, and you couldn’t imagine spending the night any other way. So, that’s how you stayed, cuddled up under a blanket and tangled up in one another.

Tag List: @violetrainbow412-blog @tellmehows @pastel-abyss-x

#eddie munson #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson imagines #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson fanfiction #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson x fem!reader #stranger things #stranger things imagines #stranger things imagine #stranger things fanfiction #stranger things fanfic #stranger things fandom

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arinbelle · 3 years ago

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So this is insane!!!! I literally never leave this app lol. I am also shooketh by the most popular posts I've had, and it's made me realize, I need to updae Suits like yesterday because...almost 400 notes?!?! Insane.And I will...eventually.

I posted 2,847 times in 2021

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For every post I created, I reblogged 3.3 posts.

I added 1,091 tags in 2021

#nesta archeron - 230 posts

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Longest Tag: 140 characters

#commander cassian and daddy gavriel was its own fandom and i'm convinced it was a fever dream but it wasn't it was real and omg i loved them

My Top Posts in 2021

Suits (Nessian AU)

Notes: Hello! This was an unexpected update. I didn’t think I’d ever finish this chapter, but lo and behold, it’s here! I don’t know much about law school and lawyer life, but I’ve been lovingly helped by @moodymelanist and @kingandfireheart and am very grateful for all of it. I’m also looking up a bunch of things and trying to stay as completely accurate as possible, but if you are a law student or lawyer and I mess something up, I’m sorry in advance. Anyways, I hope you all like this chpater. It’s not much “plot” mostly angst and vibes and setting up the background if nothing else. Let me know if you want to be added or removed from the taglist- I’m pretty sure I added everyone who asked to be added, but this was surprisingly a large taglist so if I missed anyone, please don’t hesitate to let me know. As always, I hope you enjoy and I’d love to hear about what you’re thinking when you’re done!

~*~

Chapter 2

5…4…3…2…1

Thank the Gods.

Nesta shot out of her seat as soon as the clock struck 9:30 AM. She was done. It was done. She could get the hell out of here, away from this cursed day and cursed building and cursed life and just-

“Alright everyone,” Cassian announced, glancing to the clock on his left. “That’s it for our first day. If you check your online modules, you’ll see the chapters that I’ve assigned for your reading. Be prepared for discussion next class. I’m not assigning write-ups because it’s your first week but you better not slack off on reading because of it.”

People began filing out and Nesta, bag already ready to go, also began rising, hoping to shuffle out with the tide and avoid any interaction.

“Nesta Archeron?” Cassian called out.

Nesta froze in her path while the rest of the class began leaving. She looked at him but unlike her, Cassian seemed the picture of calm, collected and utterly aloof to the disaster happening in her head. In fact, he’d been completely normal throughout the entire class period. Nesta had almost hurled up her guts when they were ten minutes in.

“Nesta? Archeron?” Cassian looked around again until finally he saw where she’d stopped. A few feet from his desk, body stll angled towards the door as more students made their way out.

“Come here please," Cassian said to her.

"Come. One more time, baby. Come for me. I know you want to," Cassian had whispered to her as he'd pushed her through climax after climax after climax, and she'd become a boneless mess on his bed.

Nesta shook her head of the image of him dipping his head over and over between her legs. She didn't need her brain doing this to her. Not right now. Not as she came to stand right in front of him.

Nesta noted quite a few students still ambling out of the room, taking their time to likely listen to whatever Cassian wanted to talk about.

Busybodies.

Cassian cast a cursory glance behind her shoulder, noting the same thing and likely thinking the same as her too.

Cassian moved then, bringing his laptop and typing something in. Without looking up at her, Cassian said, "I got an email from the registrar that there's been an issue with your scheduling in this class. Can I please have your full name and student ID?"

Nesta hesitated, not sure if he was telling the truth or using it as an excuse to talk to her.

Nesta rattled off the student ID number she'd just memorized that morning, assuming she wouldn't need to but wanting to be careful either way.

"Nesta Katrina Archeron."

Cassian nodded as she spoke and typed a bit more.

"And what's your birthday?"

Nesta almost snarled, telling him it wasn't his business. But there were still two other students in the class that hadn't left yet.

"June 19."

Cassian didn't type anything in, and Nesta followed his gaze as it landed on the last of the stragglers exiting the room.

Almost like a switch flipping, that calm, professional demeanor that Cassian had adopted for all of class time, easily dissipated.

In it's place was a look of anger so deep, so cold, Nesta had no idea how to respond. She'd never dealt with Cassian's anger when it wasn't for something dumb that he could easily over. When it wasn't from a place of laughter and faked irritation. He was genuinely upset in this moment, and Nesta didn't know how to go about it.

"What. The. Hell?"

Nesta's lip curled back of its own accord.

"Don't you dare take that tone with me. I'm just as much fucked in this as you are."

Cassian opened his mouth to say something back, retort with just as much spite as she'd all but hissed at him. But then he stopped, reared back as if in shock, and sighed heavily, his shoulders sagging.

"I'm sorry," he apologized hoarsely, bracing his palms on the table between them, head hanging lowly. "I just don't get how this happened."

I do. We never told each other anything useful about ourselves.

But Nesta kept her mouth shut.

Cassian looked up after a few seconds of awkward silence. "You didn't tell me you got into law school."

Nesta swallowed, not wanting to meeting his hazel eyes in declaration of the painful truth. "I didn't tell anyone except for a few people," she admitted reluctantly. She hadn't even bothered with a phone call to her two sisters when she'd gotten the news. Just a text into their group chat and two "Congratulations" in quick succession had been the response she'd gotten to finally getting her life together. She wouldn't begrudge them for the behavior, even if it did hurt to be snubbed.

"You didn't even tell me you wanted to go to law school."

Nesta shot back her own grievance. "You didn't tell me you were a lawyer."

Cassian looked at her in confusion, brow furrowed, and Nesta resisted the urge to smooth it out with her fingers.

"I thought you knew."

"How the fuck would I know?"

Cassian flinched and his eyes darted around them again, in the empty room.

Right. She needed to stop panicking. Trying again, Nesta lowered her voice and stepped closer to the desk separating them. “Sorry. But how I would have known? You never said anything.”

Cassian opened his mouth and then shut it again, eyes widening in some sort of realization that he wasn’t about to share. Shuffling some papers into a stack, he muttered down at the floor. “I just thought you did.”

Nesta shook her head. Sighed. “Okay. I’m going to go speak to the registrar and get this class changed.”

“No. You can’t.”

Nesta scoffed. “I can and I will. It’s the first day. They can’t stop me.”

Cassian moved around the desk until they were properly face to face. Too close. This was too close for any respectable professor and student to be around each other. Nesta took a step back and Cassian seemed to realize his mistake, cringing slightly before also stepping back.

“Sorry,” he admitted, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. “But they won’t let you drop the class. Crim law is a requirement here for every first year.”

“Surely there are other...teachers.” She wouldn’t say professor. That was too weird for her.

Cassian nodded. “Yeah, but Nolan's a piece of shit and known for being a hardass with his grading. You can't get higher than a B and that's if he tolerates you."

"I'll take my chances," Nesta snapped, turning on her heel and making her way towards the door. But a firm grip on her wrist pulled her back.

Nesta forced herself to calm her thoughts and emotions. Let the cool mask slip on that she’d mastered for so long. Let him see that version of her instead of the confused, heartbroken mess she had suddenly become inside the minute Cassian had put his name and “Professor” into the same sentence.

“What?” It was a biting question and Nesta knew that if it were any other man, they definitely would have flinched away from the stare she was leveling at him.

But Cassian wasn’t like any other man that had been in Nesta’s life before. Not in the ways where it mattered at least. Where others would have realized just how dangerous a game they were already playing, Cassian seemed to be ignoring it. Pulling her just enough that she had to come closer. Had to feel his breath fan across her face one last time. Knew that this would be the true end to whatever they may or may not have become one day.

“Stay. Don’t drop this class. You need to do good this year.” His words were softly spoken. Almost coaxing her gently into acceptance, but Nesta heard the underlying meaning.

“I don’t want a good grade in this class because you fucked me,” Nesta retorted sharply.

That did get to him. Cassian jerked away, releasing his hold on her. His eyes turned cold and Nesta felt the animosity hit her like a slap. She knew all about slaps. And Cassian’s expression hurt her more than any of them before. She’d always known she’d push him away one day. Her indifference, her attitude, that callous cruelty of her mouth. But she hadn’t realized how much it would hurt to see his reaction to it.

Cassian held her stare with a firmer one of his own. “You won’t. You’ll earn it just like everyone else in your class. But unlike with Nolan, you’ll earn what you get fairly. Don’t drop the class, Nesta. I won’t tell and if you choose not to either, well, nothing happened then. Nothing has to happen.”

Nesta knew then that later on she would replay his words over and over in her head until she may cry. Knew that they had left a profound impact on her in a way that she never wanted him to.

Nothing happened.

Sure she’d kept it that way, with her rules and arrangement. But it clanged around in her mind, how Cassian saw what they’d been doing together as.

Nothing.

She was nothing. They were nothing. And that was all there was to it.

But Nesta wouldn’t do this in front of him. Lose her mind and have it be pointed out just what a crazy bitch she really was. Not by Cassian. She couldn’t bear that. And she sure as hell wouldn’t go and tell on him, even if he had spoken as if he were unsure about her decision.

Instead, Nesta squared her shoulders and nodded.

“Nothing happens.”

Cassian hesitated, for a bare, fraction of a moment, but she saw it all the same. Then he nodded too.

“Nothing happens.”

~*~

Nesta leaned back against the chair, as Gwyn looked at her wide-eyed. She’d been overwhelmed by the fiasco of her first class. Had barely focused on anything the professor’s said throughout the rest of her day. She hadn’t even bothered to take out a pencil in the later afternoon classes and had fumbled around in her bag for one when an attendance sheet passed around in one of her smaller classes. Had it not been for the man sitting next to her who’d silently handed her a pencil with a small smile, she would have faced even more embarrassment on an already shitty day.

She’d seen him in a few other classes of hers, vaguely remembering his face from Cassian’s class as well. Nesta had sneaked a peek onto the sheet when he’d taken it after her, signing “Lucien” after impatiently pushing his red, waist-length hair out of his face. He’d given her another smile after he’d passed the sheet on and Nesta had returned it tentatively. She wasn’t one to smile at strangers. Barely did it with people she knew well too unless they were her friends or...Cassian.

So she’d called up her friends, praying to the Mother that they wouldn’t be too busy for her. Emerie had already graduated law school. Was already working for a legal clinic in the downtown area and loving every minute of it. Gwyn was usually always busy completing her postdoc program for psychology, but she too had made time for Nesta today. Had likely heard how rattled she sounded on the phone and had picked Emerie up on the way to their favorite bar to meet Nesta there.

"So..." Gwyn started, her eyes darting towards the bar for a second, "What do you call him?"

Nesta scoffed. "Nothing. I'm not going to talk to him or address him if I can help it. Just going to keep my head down, do my work, and get through the semester."

Emerie sat back down then, another margarita in hand and wordlessly handed it to Nesta, who accepted gratefully. She'd need another one soon with the topic at hand.

"Okay but valid question. What if you have a question? I know you're a genius or whatever, but you're going to raise your hand and talk. And either way, he’s going to cold call eventually. You can’t get away with not talking to him. So, what’s the plan to talk to him? Professor? Cassian?,” Emerie asked matter-of-factly.

But then with an evil smirk, she added in with a sultry tone, “Daddy?”

Nesta smacked her friend’s shoulder faster than Gwyn could stop her. Gwyn who was currently howling with her head thrown back, not a care in the world at everyone around them watching. Emerie rubbed the spot where Nesta had landed a hit with contempt but Nesta narrowed her eyes right back at her.

Gwyn eventually wiped tears from her eyes, slowly catching her breath from the laughing fit Nesta thought really wasn’t necessary.

It wasn’t that funny.

Gwyn placed a comforting hand on Nesta’s shoulder and Nesta leaned slightly into it. The last thing she needed to hear were jokes about this horrifying situation. Comfort was all she wanted.

“Leave her alone, Emerie,” Gwyn chided. “You don’t know what you’re talking about saying things like that.”

Nesta sighed in relief. “Thank you.”

Finally, someone understood how she felt.

Gwyn nodded. “No problem Nesta. I’m on your side don’t worry. You just need to keep your head down, avoid speaking as much as possible, and whenever you absolutely do need to talk, just call him Professor Daddy.”

“Bitch.”

Emerie joined Gwyn as they laughed even louder.

Nesta hissed, "You two are useless. I’m having a dilemma and here you two are cracking jokes about it.”

“Because it’s funny!,” Emerie insisted. “Who would have thought, Cassian, the guy you’ve been seeing, the one we haven’t even met yet by the way, is not only a lawyer, but your new professor. I mean honestly, it’s like a match made in heaven.”

Gwyn muttered under her breath. “Hell. It’s a match made in hell.”

Nesta went to smack her too but Gwyn nimbly got to her feet, announcing that she was going to go order their food.

“I can’t believe you didn’t know he was a lawyer. Goes to show just how smart miss perfect is going to be in school.” Emerie chuckled again and Nesta reigned in a mean comment that wouldn’t bode well.

Nesta rolled her eyes instead. “Fuck you. I’ll manage. And besides, it’s not like I didn’t Google him. I did.”

Emerie raised her brows, as if to say, “But did you really try hard?”

“I did!,” Nesta insisted. “I looked up Cassian and his address but I couldn’t find shit.”

Emerie furrowed her brows in confusion. “You just put in his first name. What about his last?”

Nesta shrank back in her seat. “I...um...I didn’t know his last name until today.”

Emerie didn’t show her surprise at that. Nor did she show any judgement. Both her and Gwyn knew that her and Cassian’s relationship was more based on sex and less on private and intimate details. She also didn’t say how pathetic that was of her, or how stupid considering this was someone Nesta had let into her house and her bed.

Indeed, what if he had been a serial killer like Gwyn had warned about all those months ago?

Emerie pulled out her phone, flicking her eyes up at Nesta after putting in her password. “Okay what’s his full name?”

“Cassian Virin.”

Emerie looked like she was choking. A strange fizzing noise seemed to be coming from her lips but she looked more on the verge of screaming rather than laughing.

“You’re fucking with me right?”

Nesta glanced at Gwyn as she sat back down, putting away her credit card and the receipt of the meal she’d just ordered for them all. Nesta peeked at the bill. Tacos. Thank the Mother. Gwyn knew exactly what she needed in that moment.

Snapping her attention away from dinner, Nesta shook her head at Emerie, knowing she hadn't heard wrong when Cassian had spoken earlier that day.

“No. I heard him say it. Cassian. Virin. That’s his name.”

Emerie stared and stared and stared.

“What?” she finally snapped.

“What? What? What do you mean what? You don’t know who he is?”

Nesta stared blankly. Emerie let out a sound of exasperation before typing on her phone and shoving it towards Nesta.

On the screen were images of Cassian. Cassian with the men whose photos littered his home- his brothers most likely. Cassian with some leggy blonde who Nesta admitted secretly she hated on sight just for how close she was posing next to him. Cassian in picture after picture, article after article.

Nesta’s eyes scanned impatiently over the words on the screen, devouring every news report and article until finally she realized what she’d missed completely. Cassian wasn’t just any lawyer. He was known as one of the best criminal defense attorneys in the state of Illinois.

“How did you not know this?,” Emerie demanded once Nesta explained her revelation.

Nesta was mildly affronted at that. “I...don’t really know. I’m not from here like you two are. I lived in California for most of my life. I wouldn’t have known anything about him. And it’s not like I went to law school for four years to figure out that he’s a celebrity,” Nesta added on, shooting a look at Emerie with her last sentence.

Emerie leaned back in her chair, not at all affected. “Yeah I know. I keep forgetting since you’ve adapted so well.” Turning to Gwyn, Emerie asked, “Remember how she came here sounding like a Valley girl before.”

Nesta gave her the middle finger as Gwyn giggled.

Nesta had met Gwyn and Emerie as a freshman in college during her first shift at a local bar. Gwyn had been a senior, well on her way to graduating with honors and starting her Masters program in Neuropsychology. Emerie had come from Evanston after her undergraduate years and was attending The University of Chicago Law School. Nesta still considered it fate that five years later, it ended up being the same school Nesta ended up being accepted to and attending. The two older girls had taken Nesta in, under their wing, and the friendship had been easy and safe. For the first time in Nesta’s life, she felt that she belonged somewhere. After her sophomore year, Nesta thought her life was almost close to perfect. Especially when she met-

No. Not going to think about that today.

Nesta ignored the dark train of thought her mind had almost taken her to and instead tuned back into the conversation that was happening around her. Gwyn was doing an impression of Nesta’s apparent valley girl accent and Emerie was doing a horrific, overexaggerated Chicago one, with both girls asserting that Nesta switched between the two of them all the time.

Nesta smacked them both before digging into her tacos.

Damned witches.

~*~

Nesta kept her head down as Cassian spoke to a student in the front row about the assigned case readings. Her previous night’s swagger had been kindly reduced to smithereens after she’d gone home and taken in the readings she needed to finish for Cassian’s class...

And every other class she had too.

Nesta had been ready to quit the night of, regretting the night out she’d stupidly had with Gwyn and Emerie, no matter how fun she’d found it to be. She’d powered through on spite alone at the thought of messing up on only the second day, in Cassian’s class no less. The rest of her work for her other classes had only been helped by espresso shots. Nesta was wired for the better part of early morning, but not the fatigue was finally beginning to catch up with her.

Nesta was writing down the spare few words that she was able to pick up on, but her sleep deprived brain could do little in terms of actually paying attention and creating concrete notes that would make sense if she revisited them. She’d definitely regret it whenever she sat down to study, but Gods she was so tired.

Nesta got a vague sensation of being stared at. Of being watched. But she ignored and continued writing nonsensical words onto her paper. A sharp jab in her side caught her attention.

A panicked Lucien beside her whispered frantically to her, “He called on you twice already. Say something!”

Nesta was confused. She looked at Lucien for a little longer, his words still not quite processing with her.

“Archeron.” Cassian’s voice cut through the fog in her head and she snapped her attention to the front of the room. Cassian was glowering at her and to Nesta’s horror, her feeling of being watched had been completely accurate. Everyone was staring at her.

“Yes?” Nesta cleared her throat, not liking how meek and disoriented she sounded.

Cassian sighed. “I asked you what you thought of your classmate’s response. Do you agree or not? And why?”

Fuck her. She hadn’t heard anything useful. Hadn’t been paying enough attention at all.

Nesta chanced a glance at Lucien sitting next to her, and he had what she thought to be a mirroring expression to her own on his face. Horror, panic and absolute embarrassment.

“I...I don’t know,” she finally admitted. Didn’t want to say she hadn’t been able to focus long enough on whatever he and the other student had been saying to even fake an answer. She simply didn’t know.

Cassian nodded a few times, more to himself than anyone else. “Do you have any opinion at all about what you were assigned to read last night?”

She did. Tons actually. But suddenly, Nesta felt the eyes on her narrow in scrutiny. Could practically hear their thoughts out loud.

Not good enough. Not smart.. Useless. Not worthy.

You don’t belong anywhere, Nesta.

Nesta couldn’t bring herself to say no, knowing that admitting defeat rather than trying to overcome the nerves was the better option. It didn’t matter that she did know what was going on in class. Or that she wasn’t an idiot like it looked like to the entire class. Nesta simply shook her head, tightening the muscles in her face as tears began blurring her eyesight. She would not cry. Not like this.

Cassian’s face flickered with some sort of emotion, one she couldn’t place, but it was there and gone.

“Disappointing,” he announced, stare still leveled on her. She could feel the tension crackle through the air. It would have been better if he’d yelled at her or kicked her out of the class. Instead, he’d all but called her a failure, and now she’d have to sit through the rest of the class with that hanging over her.

Which she did.

Painfully. Angrily. Upset and barely composed.

But she did it.

And as she began packing up her things at the end of the period, Lucien giving her a small pitiful smile that she barely returned, Nesta contemplated how quickly she could run out of the room without looking directly at Cassian.

Except, as fate would have it, she was not a favorite in the world by whatever Gods had created it.

“Nesta,” Cassian called out softly, just as she began walking by his desk in the front of the room.

Nesta steeled her spine, sighing in defeat as she made her way over to him.

Cassian didn’t speak to her as she came to stand in front of his desk. Didn’t even look up from his computer screen, typing in Gods knew what. Nesta was about to leave, rules and proper manners be damned, but the last student finally walked out of the room.

Finally Cassian looked at her.

“What was that?,” he asked lightly, crossing his arms across his chest.

Nesta decided to feign ignorance. “What was what?”

A sly smile played on his lips. “Cute. But not wise. Why couldn’t you answer today?”

“Because I didn’t know the answer.”

Cassian cocked his head a fraction, examining her. As if the entirety of her was wrong, not just her response to him.

“I hope you understand there was no right or wrong answer. It was a discussion to help orient your thought process and how you analyze the material. Which you would be able to participate in as long as you read what you were supposed to.”

“Well, I didn’t finish the readings.”

The lie sat and tasted bitter in her mouth. She hated it. Hated admitting weakness in such a horrible way. In a way that wasn’t even truthful, just to save face and not have to admit the profoundly large effect Cassian had ended up having on her.

Cassian chuckled. A dark, sinister thing that Nesta hadn’t been privy to witnessing ever. He walked around his desk until they were again closer. Again with far too little space between them. Again with those glinting hazel eyes peering down at her.

“Now that’s funny. Because it’s almost believable except you’re not the person that doesn’t do your homework. In fact, according to what I saw from your records and application, it’s not in your nature to do so.”

“You read my application?,” she demanded, furious with a touch of panic. "How did you even get it?”

Cassian scoffed. “One, I didn’t read all of it. I just saw your coursework, your grades, and your letters of recommendation. I didn’t read your personal statement, don’t worry. And two, all the professors have access to student records.”

Lie. That had to be a violation of some sort. He so didn’t have access to shit. What he did have, Nesta would begrudgingly admit, was a beautiful face and a great smile. and way too much charm for anyone to be oblivious to it.

Nesta didn’t respond, so Cassian continued.

“Great grades. Stunning observations about your work ethic as a student and determination to come to class prepared by almost everyone who wrote you a letter. So, I don’t think you’d fuck around on your work. Especially not on the first week of classes.”

Nesta couldn't deny it any longer. “Fine,” she expelled in a quick breath. “I finished the readings.”

“All of them?” Cassian confirmed.

“Yes. All of them.”

“Then why not say something today?”

Nesta sighed in defeat. “Because I wasn’t paying enough attention the first time around with whatever you and that guy were talking about. And then everyone was staring at me and I...”

“You panicked and forgot what you had to say? And even if you did, you knew it would come out completely wrong and be mortifying?”

Nesta nodded miserably, looking at her shoes, biting her lip.

A cool set of fingers grasped her chin and tilted her face back up. Cassian forced her to look at him. Wouldn’t let her run away from it.

“it happens,” he said softly. “You’ll learn. You’ll be okay.”

She half wondered if he was telling her more for himself or for her. Nesta didn’t dwell on it, knowing full well how this was going to end. Carefully, she pulled back from him, from the hand that was still grasping her chin, and Cassian seemed to remember who they were and what they were doing. Or, what they weren’t supposed to be doing.

“Thank you,” she said awkwardly.

Cassian gave her a small smile and she returned it weakly.

“Well, I should go,” she announced after a few awkard seconds.

“Of course. Don’t be late,” Cassian let out in a rush.

Nesta had almost made it to the door when Cassian called for her again.

“Yeah?”

Cassian looked at his laptop before glancing back at her again.

“You did really well in your undergraduate years. Except for junior year, your grades were terrific. You took the LSATs on time too and you scored really well,” he summarized neatly. Nesta could feel bile climbing up her throat as Cassian added in quickly, “And you scored even higher than me!”

Nesta didn’t know what to say, knowing where the question was likely heading.

“So why take a year in between college and law school? I saw that you worked as a paralegal, but with this application, I can tell you, you would have gotten in without it.”

She’d been right about what Cassian had been going to ask her. She also knew that this was not the question she would be answering today. Not today, not with him, and likely not ever. Nesta decided on a simple lie instead.

“I couldn’t afford the tuition. So I decided to wait the year, work more than I can ever do right now and get a head start on loans and saving money. It also helped me settle down into my apartment rather than a college dorm.”

“You’re still working?,” Cassian asked surprised, not commenting on what she’d revealed about her tuition. She could have handled it but that year had been nothing to do with money and everything to do with Nesta’s personal turmoils.

Nesta shook her head. “I quit once I got accepted, but looking at that bill every month is making me worry that it wasn’t smart to do that. So, not currently working, but I want to soon. Somewhere closer to school though. The other firm was too far away from here for me to make it work.”

Cassian’s brows raised slightly at the confession. “Most students aren’t advised to work during 1L. You can do it if you really need to, but it’s not a requirement and it makes classes horribly difficult to get through.”

Nesta thought about it. Knew he was right but that she didn’t exactly have a choice. “I’ll be fine,” she told him.

Cassian looked at her with a more pronounced smile than before. “Of course you will sweet-....um...Nesta. You’ll do great. Have a good rest of the day.”

“Thank you.” Nesta ignored his slip-up, his pet name for her that she’d acted irritated by but secretly loved. Ignored the pang in her chest as she turned away from him.

Nesta walked out of Cassian’s classroom, not sure if she felt lighter or heavier from the moment that she’d stepped back into it.

~*~

Tags:

@spoilersteph @rhysandswingspan @purpleglitterypinecone @pixieelea @absolution-s @sv0430 @positivewitch @royaltykxx @moodymelanist @stardelia @gwynberdara @charming-butt-insane @cassiansbigwingspan @a-court-of-milkandhoney @bookstantrash @duskandstarlight @greerlunna @queenestarcheron @nessiansimp @cassianscool @sjm-things @perseusannabeth @courtofjurdan @vasudharaghavan @sayosdreams @moe8 @arielle-reads @theoverlyenthusiasticwriter @nahthanks @oversizedbats @swankii-art-teacher @inardour @rowaelinismyotp @starryblueskies7 @nestaarcher0n @vidalinav @nessiantrashh @lanyjoy-13 @iwastoowildinthe70s @nessianlordandladyofillyria @ladygabrielli1997 @moonlitchandeliers @vanzetanze @generalnesta @drielecarla @moodymelanist @wishfulimaginings @amaranthas-whore

262 notes • Posted 2021-07-02 05:32:10 GMT

Scandalous

Nesta and Cassian one-shot, 4.9k words

A/N:Hello lovelies,

The other day @darklove9314-blog asked if there are any Nessian pregnancy fics and I remember thinking well yes I read a great one just the other day, but also, a fun new project for me? So I wrote this. Also, I have decided to begin finishing up half finished or almost finished fics so this is one that I can happily say is leaving the drafts box.

And please let me know if you'd like to be added or removed to my tag list.

Warnings: Blood, Violence

Tagging: @bookstantrash @duskandstarlight @moe8 @queenestarcheron @queenofbloodshed @vasudharaghavan @allilal @cassianscool @courtofjurdan @sjm-things @perseusannabeth @greerlunna @sayosdreams

Enjoy🤗

-----------------------------

It was scandalous.

That's the first thing Nesta can think of. The entire situation is scandalous and if she were still a human woman, she'd be ostracized from high society. Not that she would have cared what other people thought of her. Especially not in that behemoth they called a home bought for them to keep their pretty silence from the High Lord who'd caged her sister. Nesta would have lived her human life in scandal without batting an eye given how wealthy she had been.

But here, somehow, it felt wrong. Nesta didn't think she'd ever find a place more traditional than the human lands. But then she'd come to Illyria. Part of it was misogyny. But it was also that the people were rooted in tradition.

There were superstitions she'd learned slowly, carefully. Sometimes painfully, when she did something not quite right and just enough wrong, and got scathing looks from people nearby who were now sure they'd end up with the wrath of a god smiting them. But with time she learned and never made those mistakes again.

The traditions, the culture, ran deep in Illyria. And it was beautiful.

Nesta thought it to be at least. As a human, they didn’t have Gods or holidays or much tradition to fall back on. And while Nesta had hated it in the beginning, the holidays that weren’t hers, the decorations and food so unlike their own, illustrious as it may be, she began a slow acceptance of it. Not in Velaris, no never in that place. She couldn’t stand it anymore- court of dreams or not.

But in Illyria, Solstice was unlike the awkward, dissonant celebration she’d been forced to go to at the behest of her baby sister. It was loud, and not in the way that Mor had been when she’d joked about Cassian’s gift to her. It was warm, even though it was freezing in the Steppes at that point in the year. It was natural- it wasn’t forced on her part, to enjoy the holiday with her friends and invite them over to the house for presents and dinner. And most of all, it was a choice. Cassian let her choose to have a party or not, choose to join him for a celebration in the town square or stay in the comfort of her room. And the choice, the decision of it all, was probably what made her love Solstice that second time around.

She knew her sisters didn't have the same proclivity towards the Illyrian people as she did. Regardless of the fact that one of them wore the wings and marks the females were often stripped of even dreaming of having before they came of age. Regardless that the other remained cloistered away with the constant company of a male who hated his people so much for the faults of a select few.

Nesta didn't hate them for it, and they certainly weren't ill-willed in how they acted.

It was just...a disconnect. Feyre couldn't understand why after the war with the Queens ended, Nesta did not follow her back to Velaris. Elain couldn't fathom how Nesta could enjoy such "dangerous people" for constant company.

Nesta had simply lied and said she wished to learn more about her powers, and the few females of Illyria that still practiced witchcraft had happily agreed. Viciously agreed in fact, almost snapping their sharpened teeth at the Lady of Night who they didn’t like on principle. It wasn’t in Nesta to gossip about her sisters and their messy relationship, but it didn’t take much for them to figure out how much was wrong between them. How wrong they were for sending her here.

It wasn't all a lie. Nesta did train with the other witches, now more a leader than a student however. When their oldest Matron had passed after a millennium of life, she had named Nesta to be trained to take over one day.

Not that the one day had come soon. The training had been rigorous. Daunting. One didn't just become the Matron. It took blood, sweat, tears, and then a little bit more blood , preferably of someone who'd pissed you off that day. Nesta always threatened Cassian to be her victim if he displeased her too much. Cassian had once laughed and told her to pick Feyre instead, promptly shutting his mouth as soon as it out, realizing his mistake.

Her sisters never came here anymore. Sometimes Feyre would send a letter asking very politely if Nesta would come over to Velaris and join her and Elain for some tea. They always had so much tea together. Probably afraid to drink alcohol the entire lot of them constantly seemed to be drowned in. Because to drink alcohol in front of Nesta...

Nesta who'd been sober for years now. Who could now easily stick to a few light sips of wine at a dinner party or be wrecked alongside Emerie on hard liquor just because it was fun, and still not turn into an alcoholic mess.

It was also almost scandalous how put together she was now. Almost. Nothing on her particular situation, but almost.

Cassian wouldn't be home yet. Still in Velaris for Mor's belated birthday celebration that Nesta hadn't even bothered to refuse the invitation to. That Cassian hadn't even bothered to bring up anymore. She wouldn't be going. Not after the fiasco of the previous year. And if Cassian didn't have Nesta insistent that she not be the wedge between him and his family, he wouldn't have gone either.

Oh she had her reasons for avoiding them all- the list too long, too detailed, too painful. She had never liked her sister's mate for one thing. Had found him too pretty. Not in looks, although he certainly had that going for him. Too pretty in how he acted. Like he was above it all. Like he was too good and his wife even more so when all he did was play foolish parts and masquerade as a villain that no one cared to refute.

But, she had been willing to try.

She'd sat at that dinner table where everyone in the Inner Circle and her sisters were gathered. Had quietly listened to their jokes and regales and tried to laugh when Elain and Feyre attempted to include her. She'd completely ignored the constant staring on Cassian's behalf, even though she knew he meant well. She was determined to get through it all without a fuss.

But then Feyre had gotten up unexpectedly, boasting of an announcement that needed to be made. That mate of hers had swept up with her, a hand wrapped around her waist as she raised her cup of juice and announced that she was pregnant.

And Nesta had nearly fallen over in the chaos of it all. The cruelty. The shock still silence that seemed to morph into ringing in her ears as everyone but her jumped up to scream their congratulations. Cassian had risen, barely whispering his words of kindness before sitting back down next to Nesta, eyes now unwaveringly trained onto her.

To her credit, she'd lasted an entire hour after Feyre's announcement. Had chugged two glasses of wine down without hesitation...but still. She'd lasted.

But then Feyre had told Cassian she couldn't wait for him to meet the baby and for the baby to meet Uncle Cass. And Nesta had felt the floor begin to shake so hard as she felt fissures in the ground crack open. Breaks that no one but Nesta seemed to feel apparently as everyone around her continued on like the world was fine.

But it wasn't fine. None of it was fine. It was a cruel, fucked up, joke. A conundrum. A mess of despair and broken dreams. And definitely not fine.

Which was exactly what she'd told her baby sister. I'm fine. Thank you for asking. No it's just some pain in my head. Yes I'll be fine. Of course I'll be fine. Enjoy your party.

And that was the end of it. Should have been the end of it.

Except the High Lord didn't think so. He’d snorted and muttered under his breath that of course she was leaving. Then he’d announced grandly that of course some people just can’t manage to be happy for their family, because it was easier to be selfish and hateful.

Feyre hadn't said a word at his insult. Nesta chalked it up to shock because the alternative was too painful to consider. But Cassian had stalked forward, snarling as he pushed Rhys into a wall. Nesta had scrambled to get in between, a palm on her lover's chest pushing slightly to get his attention.

"That's enough,” she had whispered into his neck. Cassian’s eyes had lowered a fraction down to hers, one hand still wrapped around Rhys’ throat.

But it was enough. Cassian had backed off instantly, much to everyone's surprise.

Nesta had told Cassian to enjoy the party, not even looking at the High Lord whose face had gone bone white at his brother’s threat. Told him she would sleep off her headache at home and hadn't given any room for argument. Her own issues aside, this was still his family.

As she left, Nesta didn't hesitate to kiss her sister on both cheeks, hug her for the first time in years, and whisper congratulations on the joyous news into her ear.

Because it wasn’t selfishness or cruelty or hate that had stopped her from expressing her wishes sooner. It had been grief. One that she had no interest in explaining or sharing with anyone in the room who had judged her.

Feyre had nodded, mouth slightly agape, perhaps still consumed with her husband's accusations and Cassian's outburst. But she had known, some kind of bond that ran deep in their blood regardless of their jagged history. They were sisters after all. Feyre had figured it out to some extent, so she had simply hugged her tightly back and told her to go.

It wasn't even a full day later than Amren had come to Illyria without warning, knocking on her door for ten minutes at dawn until she’d had been woken by the noise. Nesta had snarled something unworldly as she threw open the door, only to find Amren completely unfazed.

Not even a hint of remorse in those wicked eyes as she asked how far along Nesta had been when she'd lost her youngling.

Nesta didn't remember ever crying so much as she had done that day. Didn't know what came over Amren to cradle her head in her petite lap and stroke her hair softly as Nesta wept, and wept, and wept.

Cassian had found them there a few hours later, neither having moved, but Nesta a lot calmer albeit exhausted from all the tears.

She heard rumors that the High Lord and his second never got along again after that dinner party. And vicious as it was, a part of Nesta was glad for how fitting it sounded.

Nesta didn't know what this strange emotion tingling through her was though. She had been pregnant before. Even got far along enough to begin showing through her tops. Until she had lost her baby and her stomach had flattened back down, her breasts following suit not long after. The stretch marks on them could have made for glorious battle scars of motherhood if only for the fact that she had never gotten to hold her child in her hands.

But tradition in the Steppes was to wed before having younglings. Cassian hadn't cared the first time around, even though he was born of similar circumstances.

"It's not the same. I'm here with you. I'm not going to leave you to have a child on your own as an outcast. Rules be damned."

But then he'd also asked her if she wanted to get married anyways. A snort from her had answered that question.

Rules be damned indeed.

But this time...what was it this time?

Nesta realized that it was guilt when she climbed into their empty bed.

It was guilt she felt as she nestled down into the covers and ran her hand over the white sheets. Sheets that had once been stained with crimson that had run down her thighs in the middle of the night. Crimson that Nesta had screamed herself hoarse at when she'd seen it, screaming for Cassian who was on a mission at a rebel camp and couldn't hear her.

Everything after was a blur. Someone had heard her and called for a patrol of soldiers. A warrior had apparently flew to their bedroom window and seen her in the middle of the miscarriage, shattering the window with his Siphons and flying her over to the healer's barracks.

By the time Nesta came to, it was just her. No prominent bump left. No morning sickness. No beating heart in her womb that she would always listen for to soothe herself and fall asleep to. It was Nesta all alone again.

And it was guilt that Cassian hid well from her as well. Just not well enough. His absence wasn't his fault just as much as he said the loss of their babe wasn't hers. Half true. It was only half true in her mind and Nesta would likely never forgive herself for it.

So Nesta thought of the scandal at her having a second pregnancy, again out of wedlock, after losing her first. The ones that still hated her would say it was because she was a whore.

It was exactly what they'd said when she hadn't left her room for a month because listening to the Illyrian children laughing outside had been too painful to stomach.

A whore who had fucked too many males in Velaris and ruined her chances of having a healthy womb. The healers assured her that wasn't the case, even if Nesta didn't quite believe it. And now, people would say that Nesta was a whore for getting knocked up again without a wedding band on her fingers, tempting fate to steal her second chance at joy by not unifying her bond at an altar with a priestess.

Nesta didn't need to be married to Cassian to know she was his wife. He didn't need to swear anything in front of anyone to know he was her husband.

They were lovers. They were equals. They shared a home. They shared a life. They were madly and hopelessly in love. It was all what spouses should be anyways.

They were mates and they were spouses and she was his and he was hers.

A piece of paper and chants in a temple didn't change any of that.

And then there was the scandal. The Illyrian scandal that hadn't happened yet but was just waiting to implode. As a human woman, she would have lost everything without the wealth they had if she'd been pregnant outside of marriage. It wasn't that this didn't hold true in Illyria, it was just that she was powerful here. Feared even more so. No one dared question the witch, even if she was spitting on the expectations they had of their females. It also helped that Cassian would likely murder anyone if the gossip she'd heard of herself actually reached his ears.

But in Illyria, she wasn't just having a child with a random soldier without being married to him. She was having Cassian's child.

The Commander's firstborn.

And the Commander's firstborn was always a male that could carry on the line of strong soldiers and multiple Siphons. She'd heard the soldiers talk of Vibasi, the third commander in Illyrian history. His firstborn had been a lovely little baby girl. A girl who'd mysteriously disappeared mere days after her birth. Her brother two decades later was called the firstborn and made into a formidable soldier by the sacrifice of a sister he didn't even know existed.

Speculation of course.

No one wanted to admit that while children were supposedly cherished amongst the Fae, given how rare they were, females and bastards didn't matter either way.

She thought about how fitting it would be then. The Commander's firstborn being a female. The child of a bastard General being a female and being celebrated. They'd be spitting on tradition two-fold.

If Cassian didn't mind that is. He might. She didn't know if he would care, she was assuming he wouldn't. Hoping. Praying actually. Because she loved him too much to think anything like that could matter to someone like him. Who woke up two hours earlier just to make sure the females were trained on par with the males. Who forced every single camp Lord to push for equality even when it required him to kill and take on the stain of death over and over. Nesta didn't think a male like Cassian could ever care that his firstborn was going to be a female.

Female according to the anxious healer who'd informed her in a hurried whisper and almost pushed her out of the barracks through the back door, urging her to keep it to herself as long as possible.

But Nesta didn't keep secrets from Cassian, or he from her. Not in years.

When she awoke again after a fitful sleep that hadn't endured through the night, it was early. Too early to get up but too late to do anything. For Nesta at least.

Cassian, from what she could hear, was already back to work in his office. Probably reading reports and signing documents that she always told him she could take care of for him.

When she decided to investigate, she was pleased to find she was right. Heaps of papers, a Faelight almost burned out, and Cassian scrutinizing a report like he would a battlefield. He didn't even bother to look up when she entered, extending an arm out instead, eyes trained on the parchment at hand.

She took the arm quietly. Let it wrap around her waist as he pulled her close, a wing rising up to curve behind her as well. It was all the invitation Nesta needed to crawl into his lap and nestle in closely, as he curved the arm and wing tighter around her.

Safe.

This was where she felt safest. Even with all the doubts of the unknown, the fears of where their future would lead, in this moment, she felt safe.

“Do you know about Vibasi?” she asked without warning. Not the best way to say she was pregnant perhaps, bringing up a murdering piece of-

“Yes. Vaguely. Why?” A knowing glint in his eyes that edged on teasing came to face her. “You’re not reading those strange history books again are you? I told you they aren’t accurate.”

No. She was going off of rumors she’d heard from soldiers sitting outside a bar and drinking, half drunk on absinthe and historical trivia. “No bat, I’m not. What do you know?”

Cassian put down the papers, and leaned back in his chair, taking her with him. He shrugged, likely not understanding Nesta’s strange curiosity into a male who’d been dead for thousands of years.

“Vibasi was the third commander in Illyria. He was mated to a female who remains unnamed as they did to all the wives during that time. Two children in his 800 years of life, both went on to be dangerous males on the battlefield.” A perfect recitation from whatever history book he had told her not to waste time reading.

Nesta bit her lip, unsure of how to prompt anything further. “And the female?”

“His mate?”

Nesta shook her head, worry growing steadily greater. “No, the female...child. He had one supposedly. I was wondering what you knew about that.”

Understanding flashed in Cassian’s eyes along with the edge of something darker. So it was true.

Cassian got a look of discomfort on his face, one she had never really seen before. “It’s not talked about much.”

Clearly.

“Lots of historians say that the child existed and was murdered very quickly and discreetly afterwards. There were no records of her ever existing but you know how that works. Staff and servants are always aware, and you can’t buy off everyone.” Nesta nodded, very aware of the gossip that used to permeate her own estate when she’d been a human. Which stable hand was flirting with which maid when both were promised to other people. How much did the Lady who’d visited the other day give to the footman in shillings to tell her the name of her husband’s mistress. Gossip was quick, especially when the details of the crime grew in vulgarity.

“And is that...common?”

How do you feel about it? Will you be disappointed your firstborn isn’t a son? If she even lives to term? If my ruined body doesn't kill her first.

“Not if I have anything to do with it,” he growls, vicious and low in the back of his throat.

That’s all she needs. Confirmation.

And then she’s drowning in guilt all over again.

How could she have questioned him?

Cassian. This was Cassian. Not some misogynistic, cruel male. It was Cassian, her Cassian. How could she be so stupid to think that he would ever do such a thing? Could even be capable of the thought?

The sob gets stuck in her throat, but forces its own way out through her clenched teeth and pressed lips. Startles Cassian who had thought the conversation was over so that he could go back to work.

“Nesta? What-”

“I’m sorry.” she gasped. “I didn’t mean to be so judgmental. Or even think so low of you. I was just worried, you know?” Cassian’s bewildered expression told her, no, he did not in fact know, because Nesta hadn’t explained anything. She’d just begun crying like the hormonal wreck she was, and scared Cassian into a panic.

It took half an hour for her hiccupping sobs to quiet, all while Cassian rubbed soothing circles in her back patiently. Much too patient considering it took another hour to stop the second bout of tears that happened after she began to explain herself, not getting very far at all after talking about the soldiers at the bar.

A jumbled mess of words sticking in her throat, all unnecessary details that Cassian really didn't need to know that she was sharing anyways. He didn't interrupt once.

When she finally, finally, manages to say it, she can't help but shudder. The words that tell him this is their second chance, a gift of possibility. Of healing.

If she carries to term. If the child doesn't die in her again. If her already unfortunate life doesn't manage to get worse, which for Nesta, isn't very likely. So many ifs, and not once does she tell Cassian about them.

There's no need.

He's remembering the first time too even if he's smiling and telling her he's so happy he doesn't have words. That his heart is so happy it hurts. That he's just simply happy. So happy he kisses her three times over and over and over. So happy that they don't talk about how it's going to be a girl because Nesta forgot to mention it in all the excitement and laughter and tears.

And then she's waking Cassian up after the rest he insists she needs, even though he's the one out like a rock. She's shaking and almost screaming at him to get up because he has to know. He has to know what's going to happen when their daughter comes into this world.

This world that's given her the love of her life but only after so much misery and misunderstanding between them. This world that has let her earn her peace but only after toiling for it with every ounce of ire in her bones. This world that has so much beauty if you have it in you to look and fight for it, but otherwise it's just cruel.

She wants him to know that she's going to bring a life into that world and it's not going to be easy for any of them. Not for Nesta, who is still seen as an outsider by some rare, few people in Illyria. Not for Cassian, whose enemies will use his daughter as a source of exploitation should they get the chance. And not for their daughter who will always be seen as second best where a son could have been better.

Cassian, the great beast of a male, understands right away when she whispers that it's a girl. Understands why she looks away concerned and puts two and two together on why she'd questioned Cassian's opinions on his predecessor's actions as a father. And Cassian, her heart, doesn't judge her for it. For questioning his integrity before revealing something she's scared he won't like.

She almost collapses into tears again as he brushes it off and asks her about names. She apologizes again, babbling about how it was unfair of her to assume something so horrific about him and also that she loves the name Nadyzva.

Cassian only brushes a forefinger over her cheek, ghosting over the threat of tears that may spill again while telling her that she'll make for a wonderful mother with how fierce and protective she's already being. That she should never apologize for putting the safety of her child first.

That safety comes in the form of trusting the Illyrian healers over the Velaris ones when it comes time to deliver. It comes in the form of just Cassian and her and the healer in the small delivery room. The only people she has been able to trust since she entered her final month of pregnancy and the instincts to protect surged and multiplied.

The pain is unimaginable, akin to how she felt when she was ripped apart from the inside out in the Cauldron. When she recalls it to her daughter years later, she will admit she doesn’t remember it well. It’s all fragmented pieces rather than a fully flowing story. Likely from the pain, or perhaps the analgesic, but her memory’s not the best when remembering the birth. She does remember the panic that happened halfway when it became too much to keep going. When this life she’d fought so hard to keep going after her first loss began to kill her slowly from the inside. She’d turned to Cassian, whose hand she’d shattered in her grip, and told him amidst great heaving sobs that she couldn’t do it.

“I can’t. I can’t Cassian, it’s too much. I’m sorry.”

But Cassian hadn’t hesitated to wrap the still broken hand around her and pull her back to his chest. To tell her she was the strongest person he knew in his whole life. And that to him, there was truly nothing Nesta couldn’t do if she wanted.

He didn’t tell her that the healer had briefly looked at him from between Nesta’s legs, fear dilating her eyes so much that Cassian could only see black pupil. He didn’t tell her that the scent of her blood was overpowering the scent of her tears, because the hemorrhaging was too much and too fast and if she didn’t finish pushing soon, Nesta and the child would soon be dead. Which would likely kill Cassian too from the heartbreak not long after. He didn’t tell her that particular admission until years later. Didn’t admit that he would have died had he lost them both that day until their daughter finishes the Rite and appears back from Ramiel’s peak. Bloody and bruised in so many places, looking like the perfect mix of Cassian’s will and Nesta’s pride in something that can only be described as wholly triumphant.

Most of all though, Nesta remembered being scared. So, so scared because what if she's a horrible mother? What if...what if she's exactly like her mother? She couldn't stand the thought of raising a child so hateful and hurting like she had ended up. Like she could have avoided becoming had her mother been a tad less cold and her father heaps less of a coward.

But when her daughter comes screaming into the world that she is so very afraid of, everything washes away. At least for the moment, there is a silent peace with no other noise save for the infant who seems to have the lungs of a warrior as she screams and shrieks and declares that she is gloriously here.

Here in this world that could ruin her. That tried to ruin her mother even though she kicked and shouted and stomped against it until it left her be. But she is safe for now.

Nesta thinks so at least.

She is safe, nestled to her mother's breast, a wing curving over the two of them in the place of Cassian's arms that has always made Nesta feel safest. Now a place for her daughter to share in that safety too.

But out of all the things Nesta does or doesn’t remember from her delivery, as she watches her daughter receive her Siphons, all nine of them, Nesta remembers what she felt the moment her baby been placed in her arms. Something that has never once wavered or dissipated each time she looks at her daughter.

Joy.

311 notes • Posted 2021-01-21 18:21:10 GMT

For They Were Gods

Nessian one-shot (NSFW) - 13k

Hello! This is my first post-ACOSF writing piece. It’s when Cassian and Nesta are on that mountain after she has the entire breakdown, and we got those two lines from her later how they...ahem...did the do for two days straight. Well I wanted to expand on this scene that we were robbed of. If there are typos, I’m sorry, I just can’t look at it again anymore. So many thanks to @bookstantrash who listened to my ramblings and musings as I wrote this fic. I’m so dramatic at times and she was supportive through it all. This was heavily inspired by all the hints of Cassian being Enalius reborn, and how Nesta is referred to as a queen so many times in the book.

I hope you enjoy!

~***~

Nesta’s arms were aching by the time Cassian finally reached for the sword from her grip and told her they were done for the day.

She felt drained. In all the best ways, but still, there was nothing but empty silence in and around her. Not in the way it had gone horribly quiet before she’d burst into tears on her knees, but in the way that only calm could do for her.

Pure calm.

She couldn’t remember the last time she had felt such a way. Sure she had felt hints of it, in those moments when her body was ragged after training, or completely loose under Cassian’s ministrations. But it never lasted. That creeping dread always found a way into her heart, her mind, until all that sounded was that dark, raging fire of hers that she could never do much to quell the burn of.

This was not that. This was lightness, a burden lifted off of her shoulders. So many thoughts she’d had about her father, about herself, as a person, a daughter, a sister, a female. None of them good- not for her nor the people around her.

But this calm enveloped her tightly, as a mother would, if she’d ever had one that care enough to do so. Or perhaps a lover, if she had ever allowed him close enough to do that.

It held tight and it held firm and Nesta just breathed, breathed, breathed.

The air in the mountains was crisp, sharper, cleaner than even Velaris. She could feel something deep in the soil under her feet, or perhaps in the shimmering lake in front of her. Some sentience beyond her capability of understanding it- beyond time, beyond life as she knew it. Old and vast, rich with knowledge and understanding...whatever being had once walked here, or still did, Nesta could feel its presence warming her from the inside out.

“Take off your clothes and put them here before you go in,” Cassian called from behind her. She turned in shock at the statement as she saw him begin to undress, piling his jacket, then his shirt, onto the pack. The pack that was kept next to a...

Is that a sleeping bundle?

“You’ve had that this whole time?.” she asked, outraged at the soreness she could still feel from sleeping on hard ground for an entire week.

Cassian didn’t bother to reply though, smirking as he walked over to the lake, naked, and waded in.

Nesta did eventually relent when he didn’t turn around to call her in with him again. Why she needed him so much, she’d never know. She certainly wasn’t about to ask him.

Her clothes were filthy, and she knew she should wash them before going into the lake with Cassian. But that would mean crouching down on the bank, naked, and making a mess of the cloth and her hands.

It would also mean looking like an idiot in front of Cassian...no, she’d rather not.

The water was not cold as she’d expected it to be. Not warm either, but the cool lap of the gentle waves soothed her overheated skin, as well as her shot nerves.

Cassian seemed to be swimming small laps further into the circle of the body of water, but Nesta had no interest in taking part in whatever new game he’d created. She stuck to the edges, washing her body as best as she could with no soap or proper tub. Cassian let her be, content to swim his laps, circles really, not a care in the world that someone could see them in the still evening light should they walk by.

“Are you done primping yet?.” he mocked, finally turning around to look at her now wading in the rippling water.

Nesta flashed him a sweet smile. “Some of us don’t enjoy a week’s worth of dirt on our skin. It’s called hygiene.”

Cassian rolled his eyes. “It’s called primping.”

“Ass,” she muttered, but slowly made her way towards him, only to stop a few feet away. Cassian snickered but said nothing more, and she wondered if it came naturally to him to be so lighthearted.

He looked calmer here too, in the wilds of the hills with the slowly setting sun behind him, sky turned crimson and violet all at once, and his skin gleamed copper against it.

Radiant.

Beautiful.

She had no place next to him here. Here in the stilling perfection of the scenery and Cassian, Nesta did not fit.

Cassian seemed to realize the train of her thoughts, to some base extent at least, because he reached out a hand to her, water splashing as it rose from his side towards her. He was always holding out a hand for her to grasp, never once wavering in helping her. He always helped her, brought her up, brought her forward.

What did she do for him? What could she do for him?

“Don’t do that,” he said softly, moving a couple inches closer, hand still outreached. “Don’t get into your head. Just come here.”

She would only need to float forward slightly, and then her hand would easily intertwine with his own, where he would likely pull her away from any lingering grief and doubt haunting her mind.

He always did.

“Come here Nes,” he coaxed again, gently.

She relented then, if only just this once after the storm of emotions that had ripped through her not too long ago. Sure the sword practice had helped, the tears had helped, but she needed more. She needed him.

Cassian’s hand was hot, callouses soothing across her own, and it was a gentle tug on her hand that got her pulled close to his chest, just like she knew he would do. She didn’t want to look into his eyes though, not that serene calm on his face with a hint of apprehension for her. She didn’t need to see it just yet. So Nesta focused on the view directly in front of her.

Tanned skin with tendrils of water running down the pectorals, circling in all directions over and on the whorls of tattoos on Cassian’s chest. It was instinct that had her hand rising up to trace them, to focus on him alone if only to calm the churning thoughts in her mind.

And Cassian let her. Held her waist with one arm to keep them wading above the surface, wings fluttering every so often behind him to do the work.

Cassian did not stop her, letting her trace and commit to memory each line, each curve and each lick of black ink that with every stroke of her fingers, brought her further away from what would happen when they returned to Velaris. What she would say to Feyre, if she even could speak-

Stop. Focus on Cassian. Don’t think of all that right now.

Only when the last rays of sunlight hit the horizon, and the world was aglow in the barest hints of the sun’s luminance, did Nesta stop her exploring on Cassian’s skin. It could have been hours, could have been days, even though her Fae senses told her it had only been a couple minutes since she’d gone to him. None of that mattered as she felt the calm return, stronger this time from when she’d waded into the lake and her horrible thoughts had attempted to resurface.

It was just Nesta and Cassian in this new perfect world, where they alone existed with each other. With no barriers to separate their skin or souls, she thought it to be the closest moment of perfection she’d ever gotten in her life. Even if this fantasy would quickly shatter as soon as they had to leave.

She could pretend for now.

So she locked her arms around his neck, pressing her front tighter to his muscled chest, and placed a soft kiss just where his neck began and his markings ended. Then another one higher up, where his pulse pounded like a war drum under her lips.

It was all the encouragement that Cassian needed before his hands circled her waist and quickly lifted her up to wrap her legs around his torso.

She was about to capture his lips with her own, but Cassian made to pull back.

Had she done something wrong? It certainly seemed so with the way his eyes scanned across her face, hazel eyes glinting with the full moon’s reflection, and body tensed to spring.

“Are you sure?” he asked gruffly.

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

He’d never asked her like this before. There had never been a true need for it. Nesta didn’t need to voice anything to Cassian when it came to sex, he just knew by instinct what she needed from him- what she craved, what she lusted for. Sure they were coarse with their language the entire time, but she didn’t need to say anything about what she needed from him. Or if she was sure of him.

She was always sure of him. That was never the problem.

Cassian blew out a soft breath, the warmth tickling her cheek as he pulled a centimeter closer. “I just don’t want you to feel like anything needs to happen right now. It doesn’t. We can just...swim.”

Nesta raised her brows at him, impatience getting the best of her. She pulled him closer, as best as she could given how she was almost hanging off of him, and nipped the bottom of his ear with just enough bite to get him groaning.

Nesta placed a soft kiss to the underside of his ear, and then nuzzled her nose across his neck, grounding herself with his scent.

“I don’t want to swim,” she whispered low in his ear.

A shudder went through Cassian as he held her tighter, and a smug bit of satisfaction coursed through her that she’d affected him so.

“What do you want then?,” he asked asked through gritted teeth.

Nesta smirked against his clavicle and then without warning, licked up the column of his throat, savoring the taste of his sweat and something else that was utterly Cassian. That had Cassian grunting and bucking his hips just a fraction up to her. Already she could feel his hardness poking into her stomach.

Nesta fixed her eyes on Cassian’s, challenge rife in both hazel and blue. But she would not bend this time, not even if she wanted to beg for him to fuck her and fuck her now.

Cassian broke first anyways.

He gave up any restraint he was holding onto and plunged his hands into her hair, pulling her roughly towards him to join their mouths.

Stroke for stroke she met every single movement of his mouth on hers, and then just to remind him how she wanted this to go, she bit down hard on his bottom lip, drawing blood. He pulled back, hissing, and she wondered if he didn’t appreciate it. But then Cassian gave her a feral grin, and the blood droplet that had gathered on his now swelling lower lip fell down his chin. She licked that up, body brimming with heat as his scent and taste filled her mouth.

Tang and copper and salt, and yet, somehow it was better than sweet honey in her mouth.

“You’re a naughty little thing aren’t you?,” he whispered into her ear, tracing the shell of the arched point before lightly nipping the top. She couldn’t help the yelp that escaped her at that, and Cassian chuckled darkly before backing away.

Before she could snarl at him to pick up the pace, to get to the point before she could remember everything she was trying to forget, one of Cassian’s hands snaked down to part her folds, thumb stroking her sensitive nub lightly. Just that small, teasing touch, and a burn began to build all over her skin.

One arm remained tightly wrapped around her waist, and Nesta held onto his shoulders with a fiercer grip as he used his other hand to pleasure her leisurely under the water.

But she needed more.

Nesta shifted her hips impatiently, as much as her position would allow her to do, desperately craving more friction between her core and Cassian’s fingers.

“Naughty,” Cassian murmured, still not giving her what she desired. “What do you want Nesta?,” he demanded roughly.

Nesta keened at that, the pure command in his tone, no longer teasing or lighthearted. This was the Commander, and he had asked her a serious question. No more playing around, thank the Gods.

“I want...oh,” she interrupted herself as Cassian plunged two fingers into her tight channel. She moaned low in her throat as he began scissoring his hands in and out of her, the scent of both their arousals rising to meet them in a heady pull.

She should finish the thought, yes, she should tell him she wanted to...Gods above that was good. So utterly good as Cassian reached to his member and placed it against her bundle of nerves, rubbing his tip over it. It was exquisite as he slid his length through her folds, slowly grinding his hips against hers, and yet never entering.

A different kind of torture for sure because Nesta knew she was close to breaking if he kept with the teasing any longer.

“Please,” she whimpered as he drove his hips towards her for the fifth time, still not inside of her in the way she wanted so much.

Cassian looked at her then, tearing his gaze away from between their joined hips under the water, and she felt undone under the scrutiny of his gaze.

Nesta was about to ask again, beg really, pride and ego be damned. But Cassian didn’t keep her waiting longer as he slammed his hips against hers, his thick length stretching her as he entered.

Nesta might have screamed, she couldn’t tell from the way she temporarily lost all sensation in her body, save for the one between her legs. Perhaps from the slight pain mixed with pleasure, from the size that was just too large to ever really get used to. Not that she’d ever want it any other way. He was the only one that could make her feel-

“Better?,” he asked, driving deep into her again, removing his hand from between where they were now joined to cup her breast.

Gods yes.

He palmed it roughly, scraping a fingernail over a peaked nipple that caused her to whimper almost embarrassingly loud. But Nesta was beyond caring. Not when Cassian adjusted her on his hips to drive deeper, higher up, hitting a spot inside her that was as toe-curling as it was brilliant. It was so good, so exquisite at how it hinted at the pleasure she could reach if only she had...

“More,” she moaned, her hands barely able to hold onto his wet shoulders as he drove up into her over and over again. “I want more.”

A plea she would likely regret as soon as this was all over, but she wanted to be screaming with pleasure. Drowning in it.

Cassian stopped moving inside of her then, weighing what she’d asked for. His eyes scanned the water around them, probably thinking the same thing she had already figured out. No balance, not enough grip on anything underneath them, and no way to stay upright as they worked each other harder and harder- no, the lake would no longer do for the kind of fucking she wanted. The kind he wanted too if she’d guessed correctly on the predatory intent in his eyes that was mirroring her own.

Cassian pulled out of her in a fluid motion and she hissed at that too. At the slight sting as he left and then again when the current swirled under them to her too sensitive skin. Then without warning, his arms wrapped her up to his chest, and Cassian brought them out of the water.

He set her down on shaky legs, her body still ramped from the unfinished sex and skin chilled from being wet and bare on a mountaintop. Cassian was quick in pulling out a towel from his pack- one she had no idea he’d been carrying this whole time. After she handed back the towel to him, body still damp but no longer as wet and cold as before, Cassian pointed at the sleeping bundle and told her to get in. She listened without asking how he planned to make them both fit. She’d let him finish toweling off first.

Answers came in the form of a zip on the side of the fluffy contraption that she hadn’t noticed. As Cassian pulled it free, more cloth and filling fell out, and Nesta realized there was indeed enough room for them to share the pack.

Joy at knowing she wouldn’t have to deal with the hard, ground floor at night almost made her forget why they were here in the first place. Why they had left the lake so quickly and interrupted from what would have been a most interesting joining. Almost, but not quite.

Not at all actually when Cassian looked over her again, at the breasts on display, and at the only part of her covered by the blanket from her waist down. Cassian’s look alone had her core growing hotter, aching with need as she felt her wetness grow.

Cassian smirked at her, no doubt scenting her arousal from that one look.

Smug bastard.

But he didn’t tease her as he eased himself in beside her, laying her down before climbing over her.

“How do you want it?,” he asked gruffly, lips brushing over her neck, her jaw, her too tight skin almost bursting with longing.

Words failed her at that moment though. How to voice her desire for him, just how much she ached to be filled with him, and not come off as completely undone. But she’d been undone by Cassian long before they’d shared a bed together. Long before he’d even kissed her and his lips had been like fire reignited against her skin.

Nesta had been undone and ruined for Cassian the moment he’d tasted the skin on her neck as a human woman, leaning close to the heat of the fireplace behind them, lust and something more snapping stronger between them.

“Do whatever you want,” she breathed, still not quite sure how she could breathe so calmly with how close they were. Almost nose to nose that she could count out exactly eight flecks of amber in his left eye, seven in his right. Some of his hair was drying and a few strands fell over his face, brushing over his eyes and her cheek. Before she could tell herself not to, her hands were already rising up to tuck the silky black strands behind his ear.

Cassian stilled as her fingers grazed the underside of his jaw, still holding the bottom of his hair now looped behind an arched ear. Then, so slowly she almost cried out in anticipation, Cassian nudged his face a few inches, leaning into her palm and pressing a soft kiss to its middle. A barely there kiss, a phantom touch, but she felt it like lightning had struck her palm and traveled all the way down her arm, hitting straight into her chest.

It wasn’t often that they indulged in...that. That being the softness in between their joinings. The tenderness she did not allow herself to wield and him to bask in. Nesta realized though, in that moment, how much they both had needed it. Had craved it.

The sex was world imploding for her. Him too she knew. But she would be lying to herself if she didn’t admit she longed for more, even if she knew that could never be. And Cassian wasn’t the problem.

She was.

If she let him, Cassian would stay in her bed long after being spent on each other’s ecstasy. If she let him, he would hold her, gentle and soft in all the ways their couplings were the opposite. If...but she never would.

Cassian did not need Nesta in the way that Nesta needed Cassian. Cassian was all things good, all things right in the world, and Nesta’s world had always been anything but that. Gone were the days when she could fantasize about being a sweet princess who would be saved by a dashing knight to save her from the fearsome monster who’d made her his prey.

Nesta was the monster. Nesta did not need saving by Cassian.

Cassian needed saving from her.

But perhaps, here, in this rugged terrain with not another soul around them for miles she could pretend. She might let herself indulge in the fantasy a little while longer.

That she was not this wretched mess that Cassian was so sure would heal and one day not be broken. That she could let Cassian hold her and she could touch him with gentleness and not have him shrink away from her in horror. Here in this vast unknown, Nesta and Cassian could just be them, with no one to judge or condemn either of them for what they wanted deep in their hearts.

So Nesta let herself forget and raised her neck to kiss him softly. A gentle kiss if they’d ever shared one before. It might have been their first since he’d pressed his lips to hers on that battlefield almost two years ago.

To her shock Cassian gave in with a groan, soft and reverent as his mouth moved on hers, so delicately she could have cried from it.

“Answer me,” he finally whispered, a broken male’s plea against her swollen lips.

“I told you. Whatever you want.” It was an impatient demand, one she knew did not tell him what she needed. But she figured she would let Cassian do whatever he was in the mood for. As long as the end result was him deep inside of her, driving her to brink of collapse, she cared little for how he’d take her.

“You said that to me once before. And I told you that’s not very fun. Do you remember?” As if to remind her of that first time they’d slept together, at the palace atop the Court of Nightmares, Cassian drew a hand up to her breast. Pinching her nipple just as he’d done with her then, her back arching in want from the sting of the pull and the pleasure of the sensation.

She did remember. It had been world shattering for her then too, that first time, and she had known from that one time alone, nothing and no one would ever be enough for her again. But she had no intention of letting Cassian in on that. So she dragged her hand out of his hair, creeping down his chest, his flexed stomach, and made to grab-

Cassian was faster. Twisting just so to circle her wrist and pin it down behind her head.

“Nesta,” he growled out a warning.

“Fine,” she relented, almost whining at how long this was taking for her to just get him inside of her. “Fuck me like you did when I told you that. Like you did at the palace. Do that.”

Cassian’s face beheld an amused smile and she almost shied away from how brazen a request it was. “Whatever Lady Death needs,” he finally said.

She could have rolled her eyes at that comment. Probably did show something like it on her face, because Cassian huffed a laugh as he let go of her wrist and snaked it across the planes of her stomach, down to the apex of her thighs.

A groan caught in his throat as he cupped her, and Nesta hips arced up slightly at the unexpected touch, only coming down as Cassian soothed her with idle strokes along her folds.

Soft, lazy, and not at all what she needed in that moment. So Nesta ground her hips up against his palm, only for Cassian to pull back completely, kneeling between her spread thighs as perhaps punishment for being too demanding.

“Greed will get you nowhere,” he admonished, his fingers tickling slowly up the underside of her thigh.

“So what will?,” she challenged. Perhaps not the wisest decision as Cassian leveled her with a calculating stare, mapping her breasts and flushed skin as he would any battleground. How to conquer as swift as possible, how to ruin with each timed attack of his fingers. His tongue perhaps being the first break against her fortress until the rest of him could follow suit.

Cassian did not answer her though. Instead he went back to her core, sliding two fingers up along the outside of her folds, joining atop the hood of her sex but never quite touching it fully. It drove her absolutely mad as he did this over and over, taunting that arch of sensitive flesh but never giving her what she wanted.

“So beautiful. So fucking wet. Is this for me, Nesta?,” he rasped as he slid two fingers inside of her easily. Nesta held in the moan, biting her lip and squeezing her eyes shut as he brought his other hand to press and rub her swollen bud that had been pleading for his attention.

To answer truthfully would have repercussions- taunts and arrogant comments on how good he was making it for her. Not answering may mean he’d torture her longer and draw out the teasing to an unbearable degree.

“You know it is,” she finally admitted.

Oh he liked that. So much so that Cassian gave her a broad smile, teeth glinting white in only the moonlight, and the beauty of it nearly stole her breath away.

And then he withdrew his fingers from her, bringing them up so that they could both see the wetness coating them. He was a fiend she decided then. An absolute, filthy fiend as he slid the two fingers against each other, testing her wetness and want, before lifting them to his mouth and tasting her on them.

“Well you certainly taste like it,” he finally said after he was done.

Nesta snarled at the audacity and would have started grabbing for him again if he didn’t fix her with a stare that was so heated, so tantalizing, it had chills running over her skin.

“Turn around then.”

The command alone could have sent her careening over into climax with all the promise it held. Cassian’s tone was dark, so sensual that she briefly forgot to move onto her front, so enraptured she was by the male kneeling before her. Thankfully Cassian seemed to pick up on it, hefting her up by the waist and gently spinning her onto her stomach for her.

She knew the view before him would be his own undoing, just as Cassian, sweaty, shirtless and panting in the middle of training was hers.

“Just like last time?,” he asked, kissing a path up from the bottom of her spine to the eight-pointed star that bound them together. He rested his lips there longer than he needed to before brushing aside her hair and pressing a final kiss to the nape of her neck.

Nesta didn’t know if she could keep the tremor out of her voice but she’d do her best. “Just like last time,” she affirmed.

Cassian growled in approval, lifting her hips off the bottom of the sleeping bag as he straddled her from behind.

“But,” she started, and Cassian stopped as soon as he heard it.

That he would end this all with even the slightest of hesitation on her part hit something deep in her heart. Memories she’d smothered long ago of traveling hands and ripping skirts that she didn’t want to recall in this moment.

Nesta tried again, ignoring the horror that had resurfaced unexpectedly in her mind. “But, don’t hold back like last time. I want all of you, unrestrained.”

Cassian let out a noise of shock, or perhaps it was arousal. She turned her head to look at him from behind her shoulder, and amusement shone on his face.

“I would have hurt you last time,” he explained. He was right, she knew that. Larger than any male she’d ever taken, coupled with the fact that she was a lot smaller than him and he too thick for her, she knew it would have hurt her had he not prepared her body slowly that first time.

But this was no longer their first time together. And if Nesta let herself dare to wish, she would hope that they would never part, not just for sex, but for everything else between them that was still unfinished.

“Maybe,” she admitted, “but you won’t anymore. And besides, I’m not afraid of a little pain.”

That got his attention. “You like pain, Nes?,” he chuckled as he asked, palms roving over the smooth expanse of her back in deliberate strokes along the sides of her spine. Kneading and pressing in all the right spots that she moaned at the small massage instead of answering.

“Not like,” she amended herself, “but I don’t mind it.” And then, just to get his blood boiling for all the teasing she’d been put through, Nesta added, “But I can like it if it’s done right.” The last bit was both a confession from her and challenge to him.

Pain and pleasure mingling together in a heady blend always worked for Nesta to heighten her senses with whatever she was doing in the bedroom. She didn’t need it every time, certainly not when Cassian alone was more than enough to utterly break her apart with each climax he gave her. But she did like it to some degree, and she knew Cassian wouldn’t judge her for it.

Cassian seemed to appreciate the bait she’d dangled before him, promptly dropping his head down to bite her shoulder in a quick nip that left her hissing. When his tongue flicked out to soothe the reddened skin, she knew he understood her then. Knew he’d know exactly how to make it hurt and burn, with pleasure and pain, just for her.

She felt him grip his cock behind her, rubbing it between her folds before aligning himself to her drenched entrance. When he didn’t move further, Nesta wriggled her ass back into him, and one of his hands came down to slap against the cheek, holding her away in a rough grip that did little to soothe the sting of his palm.

Nesta couldn’t help it. She moaned, loud and only slightly smothered by the ground underneath her.

“Like that don’t you?,” he murmured, knowing she’d never answer yes.

Yes she’d liked that very much...too much.

Cassian shifted his hips, lifting her own up slightly off the ground to meet him better, and then he surged forward until he was completely sheathed.

Nesta didn’t know how each time they joined it felt like the first time. New and good and unexpected. Every time she felt different, better, even if they were to do the exact same thing over and over. It felt perfect in those moments, those stilled barely there moments between him entering her and then starting to move.

That moment of just being joined, being one with each other, never ceased to take her breath away. As if they’d been forged of the same fire that licked over her skin and made her feel warm and aching all over. As if whatever Gods had crafted her, had kept him in mind. How well he would fit in her, how perfectly she would take him, and how easily she would lose herself in him.

Thoughts of perfection and destiny quickly faded from her mind though as Cassian began thrusting in earnest into her. He was letting go, just like she’d asked for- at least, as much as he was allowing himself be.

Garbled moans and half screams filled the night air amidst his own grunts as he hit deep into her walls. So intoxicating and yet...something was missing. He was still locked away, not fully taking her in the way she knew he could do if she gave him full permission.

But she had told him to let go completely and he hadn’t listened, so now Nesta would need to change tactics. She clenched her inner muscles around him once, twice, and Cassian snarled at her, hands tightening their grip on her hips as if that would stop her from teasing him.

It was an impressive attempt though, she’d give him that, and Nesta laughed softly as she clenched around him again for good measure.

“Witch,” he snarled again, “You’ll ruin it all if you keep doing that.”

“Fuck me harder and I’ll stop,” she shot back.

“You’ll get hurt,” he grunted, and to her irritation, slowed down his thrusts as if to prove a point. Nesta leaned up on her elbows and turned her head to look at him.

He was panting lightly, not from exertion but perhaps restraint. On himself, she realized, for that was full blown lust in her eyes to a depth he’d never let her see before. His hair framed his face in a wild, wind torn way, and she knew it was from what they were doing, and not the still air around them. That air was charged with something heated and sharp as their eyes met. Understanding on her part and remorse in his own. And then he pulled out of her in one fluid motion and Nesta had to strangle the urge inside of her that was ready to beg from him to come back.

“I’m fine,” she told him softly, perhaps more for his sake than hers.

“I don’t think so,” he admitted, and before she could strike down the truth he’d spilled, “and that’s fine.”

“No one expects...” he stopped, and then amended before continuing on, “I don’t expect you to be fine. I’d be worried if you were. But I don’t want to take you too roughly right now if-”

“Stop,” she interjected, patience completely gone, “You don’t want? What about what I want? You don’t get to decide what is good for me and what isn’t, what I can handle and what I can’t. Only I can make those decisions.”

“Nesta,” he soothed, trying to calm her down. Only she was beyond listening to reason, beyond caring.

“Do you know what I want Cassian?,” she asked.

Not waiting for a reply, Nesta pushed up with the flat of her palms until her back hit his chest, and turned her neck to look up at him. Cassian’s hands glided over her bare skin, wrapping a solid vice of muscle across her stomach to hold her to him. Everything was too hot, too much as she really felt the warmth seeping into her body from his chest, from his arm over her stomach that just brushed the swell of her breasts. And his breath, light and warm as well, fanning over her cheek as he beheld her a few inches below his face, was almost enough to get her completely calmed down.

Almost.

Nesta told him sharply, “I am not a doll. You never treated me like I was breakable. Not like everyone else I know did and I liked that. Don’t start now.”

Cassian sighed, his head dropping down to brush his lips across her shoulder in a solemn kiss. In apology. “I’m not trying to Nes, but you had a rough couple of days. A hell week really. I’m not saying you’re breakable,” and he fixed his stare resolutely on her. “I just want to make sure you’re alright.”

Nesta didn’t say anything to that, instead wrapping her arm behind his neck and pulling him towards her. The kiss was slow, burning, and everything their heated frenzy earlier had not been. How long had it been since she’d let herself enjoy just this? Just...kissing him. The simplicity of it all.

But then Cassian nipped at her lower lip and just like that, she was liquid in his arms. Warmth pooled more and more in her core and she extracted one of her hands from his hair down to his hardened length. Gripping the broad head of him, she ran a finger over the slit, eliciting a hiss from Cassian that skittered over her skin like she wanted his hands to do.

Nesta murmured against his neck as she continued stroking him, “Do you know what I want?,” she repeated.

Cassian groaned a deep sound in the back of his throat as she gripped him tighter, just enough to bank on that line between pleasure and pain that she herself loved to toe. A line she was willing to bet Cassian could wrap her up in and ruin her with.

“I want bruises,” she whispered into his skin. “I want to see them for days afterwards, everywhere you touched me, and remember everything you did and how you left your mark on me while you fucked me.”

Cassian stopped moving and stopped breathing as he let her words settle into him. She peeked up at his expression through her lashes, wondering if what she’d asked for was too forward, even for them.

It wasn’t.

Cassian pressed a bruising kiss to her lips without warning, more teeth than tongue but she didn’t mind. His hand came out to wrap across the back of her neck and then he was pushing her back down to lay on her stomach. Perhaps it was the knowledge that she’d get exactly what she’d asked for now, but suddenly the fabric under her breasts and navel felt too scratchy- it was teasing her sensitive skin with every little jostle she made.

Nesta felt his fingers ghost down over her spine, over their shared ink and then the swell of her backside, resting in between her legs to cup her from behind. She moaned into her arm, stifling the sound before she could embarrass herself any further.

Cassian crept over her then, situating the hard planes of his body over her back, hand still slowly caressing her core in lazy circles. Just when she thought he’d finally start with her, Cassian came up to her ear and whispered down to her.

“Who does this belong to Nesta?,” he asked, sliding two fingers into her sex.

She whimpered at the motion, the easy slickness that he was feeling around him.

“Answer,” the command came to her. It wasn’t often that she let males use that dominating tone on her, or even bothered to let herself bend to it without putting up a fight. But giving up control to Cassian was a different sort of release, as welcome as it was heady. “Answer or I’ll stop right now Nesta,” he lightly threatened.

“You,” she finally breathed out.

“Good girl,” he crooned, the praise going straight to her core, making her painfully aware of how wet and unfilled she still was. She got a kiss on her spine for her answer and if he hadn’t moved away so quickly, it could have been her lips too. But he was denying her, teasing her all over again.

“And this?,” he asked, rubbing her smoothly over her bundle of nerves. "Who does your pleasure belong to Nesta?”

“You,” she quietly revealed.

Finally, he pushed his cock to her entrance, not quite entering, but the head of him just starting to stretch her opening slightly.

“And who rides you hard enough to make you come Nesta?” His hands crept into her hair, tangling into a mess as he clenched around the roots.

“You.”

It was all he needed to move forward, sliding in and in and in until she was so filled she could have screamed. When his hips snapped, she knew she was done for.

Uninhibited, wild, and unchecked was all that Cassian had become then. All that he had made her become too with how vigorously he began pumping into her. Harder and harder he rammed into her, hands pulling back sharply on her hair until her back arched so much so that she could look up at him above her.

He slowed to leisurely thrusts as he let go of her hair, instead circling his hand across her throat. Not enough to make her cry out, but squeezing with just enough pressure to make her keen backwards into him, lifting her head up in a silent plea that he answered as he slanted his mouth down to hers.

He tasted like her, at least some part of him did since he’d put his fingers to his mouth while still coated with her essence. He also tasted like embers and mountain-kissed wind and Nesta knew even if she kissed him everyday for the rest of her immortal life, it would not be enough to sate the longing he’d awakened in her.

“Cassian,” she whispered raggedly, no longer able to form enough words with all the intoxicating pleasure erupting through her body.

Thankfully, Cassian had never needed Nesta’s words to know what she wanted from him.

“I know. I know,” he murmured into her hair.

He didn’t let go of the hand circling her throat, even when he pushed her back to lay flat on her front again. This time, Cassian pressed his complete weight down on her, and damn it all but she had never felt more alive feeling pushed like that. His hand from under her closed tighter her around her neck and a broken sound escaped her lips. His other hand drifted down between her legs, pleasuring her as he pressed his weight at her back completely on her.

There was no part of them that wasn’t touching as he began to move again inside her. And he when he returned to the pace he’d left off at, hard enough for his balls to slap her skin as he pounded into her, his muscled chest heaving along her back, Nesta knew she’d come with his name screaming from her lips within minutes.

She had been right.

Just as she’d felt Cassian’s breath begin to shutter, she knew he was close, and so did he, as he moved his fingers faster against her and began to coax a climax from her in time with his thrusts. Just the right angle timed with a rolling of her swollen bud had her crying out for him and only him, over and over until she crested into climax. It was so jarring she screamed into the night, the echo bouncing around the open mountain air the high wore on and on until she boneless under him.

It didn’t take long for him to follow her down, gasping her name in a chant as he spilled into her so forcefully with his thrusts, that some of it began to leak out onto her thighs long before he left her channel.

And then...true silence, save for their quiet panting as time began to speed back up to reality.

“Gods,” he gasped finally, pressing a chaste kiss over her tattoo, barely able to keep his weight off of her anymore. She wondered what he would say if she told him she wouldn’t care if he completely fell over her, just as long as they never stopped touching.

“I know,” she conceded quietly. And that was all she said, all she could say given how spent she’d become.

They did not move for some time. Perhaps from the force of their climaxes that had left them weak or perhaps because they didn’t know who would move away first and declare that rift once more.

It was always Cassian who left her in her bedroom. But this was not her bedroom in the House of Wind and they no longer had the luxury of separate beds. Really, they didn’t have the luxury of a bed at all but who was really keeping track. Certainly not Nesta who could still feel the jagged edges of small rocks that she’d slept on top of for the past week aching in her muscles.

When Cassian rolled off of her, she almost pleaded at him to not, to stay against her forever, bare skin to bare skin, forever entwined.

She peeked a glance beside her, arm thrown over his forehead as his chest continued heaving, his skin now glistening lightly with a thin layer of sweat. She had to be in worse condition, hair likely frizzed from his pulling and lips swollen and flushed. She couldn’t find it in herself to care though. Not when it meant she had been marked in some way by him, even if the signs would eventually fade from her skin with time.

Nesta turned on her side if only to look at him properly. She’d get away with it too, considering his eyes were shut tight and he’d never catch her ogling.

She wanted more though. Couldn’t get enough of him, of them, and she knew that it didn’t matter how roughly he’d just taken her, how hard she’d come, hard enough to see stars temporarily. It would never be enough.

Cassian opened his eyes unexpectedly and turned on his side too then, facing her. If he didn’t say a word, she would have been fine with it, would have been content to just stare into his eyes and get lost in the moss and amber that called to her like nothing ever had before.

“Are you alright?” A shadow of worry lingered on his face. “I wasn’t too rough was I?”

“I’m fine Cassian. Stop worrying about me.”

In fact, if you want to be worried about something, just fuck me again and I’ll feel loads better.

Cassian reached out a tentative hand to stroke along her neck and Nesta felt it then. The soreness from where he’d gripped her neck.

“You’re bruising,” he said, horror alight in his eyes.

“I asked for that,” she reminded him gently. But Cassian couldn’t stop being transfixed by her skin, and though she couldn’t see the light purple beginning to bloom, she could feel it’s tightness. A subtle ache which may have been upsetting for some, but for Nesta all it did was spur her desire into molten ore again, and just like that, she was ready for him.

“Nesta...,” he began, clearly about to chide her and likely ask to examine her neck again.

He needed the distraction, clearly she thought, still not moving away from where he’d marked her. So Nesta sidled closer and tucked under his own neck, leaving him no room to fuss over her anymore. She pressed her lips softly to the hard knot at his throat and then an open mouthed kiss to his collarbone.

“Mmm, that’s nice Nes, but let me just look.” He tried again, inching his hands to her neck, but she was quicker.

She deftly twisted his fingers with her own, interlacing them and moving them to rest at her waist. “If you want to use your hands so badly, I can think of better ways to put them to work,” she whispered against his skin, licking a tendril of black ink across his chest.

He peered down at her for that comment, and to her delight, it seemed to work as he let go of her hand to rest along her midriff. He then glided down over her navel, erupting gooseflesh all over her body, and then rested his hand firmly at the top of her sex, not quite down along the folds where she wanted him.

“You’re still soaked with me,” he sighed, pulling himself closer until she could slip one of her legs between his long, muscled ones.

Nesta smiled, still too cuddled up to his chest to look at him properly, knowing how handsome he’d look with the small smirk that would no doubt be playing along his lips.

“Is that a problem?,” she asked coyly, running a hand down his chiseled stomach, marveling at the muscle that flexed underneath.

“Fuck no,” he growled, finally teasing two fingers down her slit, gathering his seed and her essence from her opening and then slowly rubbing it along the apex of her sex.

She mewled at the sensation, just this side of heaven until Cassian stopped and flick her sharply, eliciting a hiss from her at the small hurt. At the sting that bordered on pleasure, bunched into a lustful combination that had her canting her hips along his hand as he continued working her wetness. Nesta dug her hand deeper into his chest when Cassian slipped two fingers inside and curled upward. The shock at the feeling had her nails pushing sharply into his skin, so hard that she smelled blood in the air and could faintly make out arcs of red on his chest when she moved her hand away.

“I don’t mind,” he reassured her. And then with a savage grin he leaned close enough to brush his lips to hers, before adding, “I also like it when you mark me Nes. Hard enough so that I can see them days afterwards and remember how good you felt when I fucked you.”

Nesta couldn’t handle it anymore, this relentless teasing with his hand and his words pushing her closer to another climax. She grabbed his hand and moved it away from her thighs, pushing him back down from his side, careful of the wings underneath them. And then Nesta climbed over his powerful legs astride him in the way she’d been craving for since she’d entered the lake with him.

Cassian’s hands came up to rest on the tops of her thighs, digging into the supple flesh that she hoped he’d mark too.

“You didn’t even let me taste you,” he told her with a bemused pout.

Nesta laughed at that, gliding her nails softly down his chest, making sure to grind her lower half against his as she did so. Cassian’s hips bucked up to her, sending warmth pooling in her core at his hard, hot length brushed against her ass.

Cassian’s hands skittered over her stomach and Nesta fought for control to not squeal at how much it tickled. No doubt if Cassian ever found out, he’d never leave her alone. But thoughts of all that quickly fled her mind as he came to cup her breasts with both hands, a greedy look taking over his face. Kneading and tugging just how she liked it, Nesta groaned quietly at the sensation, grinding down harder on him as he canted up to her.

“I love seeing this,” he murmured before rising up at the waist to lock his mouth around her breast, caressing the nipple in small teasing licks that had her whining.

“Seeing what?,” she managed to ask, almost lost to all reason except for how good he felt under her and how good his mouth felt on her pebbled skin.

Cassian switched to the other side of her chest, ignoring her question and lavishing all of his attention on her other breast. It left her wanting, so much so that she grabbed his hand and placed it brazenly on her other one. He chuckled at that but heeded her desire with a firm squeeze, the vibration around her nipple sending her gasping as she dove her hands into his snarled hair. Harder she tugged on the night black strands as he continued licking and kissing at her breasts, switching between them over and over until her skin was raw and reddened from his mouth. As were his lips which she hungrily captured to her own, savoring the taste of his skin mingled with the scent of her own.

“I love seeing you atop me, ready to ride me. It’s the perfect view. I can see your beautiful breasts,” he moaned, palming one of them roughly again. “You don’t know how much I loved these, from the moment I first saw you in your old home as a human. You don’t know what it did to me.”

Nesta had some idea, always catching his quick glances down that he thought he was being discreet about. She’d hated how men leered at her before- whether they were stupid boys or older men. She hated them all as they sized up her body like a prize to be taken. To hurt and touch without her permission.

But when Cassian would look at her...

Even without having ever taken a male to bed before, barely even enjoying kissing them, Nesta had lost all reason and propriety from the moment Cassian’s heated gaze had met her own. She had wanted his lips on her, his lips at her breasts, his mouth moving between her legs in the way that her romance novels regaled about. She wanted him, but more than that, she wanted him to want her. To take her over and over in every way she could tell he wanted to as well. But she had never let herself act on it, save for that moment of weakness when he’d come to deliver a letter for the human Queens.

That day had been her undoing.

But this...what they were doing now.

This was her unleashing.

“What did it do to you?,” she asked, breathless with the knowledge that his answer would likely shatter every ounce of control she was trying to keep, and she’d want to start riding him rather than letting him prolong his foreplay.

Cassian kissed fire up the column of her throat, sucking hard on the delicate skin above her pulse point. “I wanted to taste them, taste all of you. I wanted you on your knees, sucking me down your throat just how you do now, hard and deep, and then I wanted to see how perfect you’d look when I came all over them.”

Mother above. So crude, and yet, she couldn’t help but relish in it.

“Would you have let me?,” he whispered along her clavicle, pressing a chaste kiss to her shoulder.

Nesta thought about it for a few moments as he grazed his nose slowly along her throat, content to let him explore in a way she didn’t allow much back in Velaris. She would have, she decided. Even if she’d never been turned Fae, with the way he had flirted and fought back to her from their first day together, and the way she’d been enraptured by his presence, she’d have let him take her to his bed.

“Yes,” she said simply.

He backed up to face her properly with a small grin on his face that could only mean trouble. “You’re telling me,” he began incredulously, “that the woman who I met, as a human, who wore layers and layers of skirts, who hadn’t ever been with a male before, wouldn’t even let me kiss her, would have let me do all that?”

She snorted. “I would have let you kiss me. I just didn’t like your arrogance that day.”

Then, just to play with his ego a little more, Nesta leaned forward and purred in his ear, “If you’d returned another day without the attitude, I’d have let you do anything you wanted with me.”

“Anything?”

“Anything,” she confirmed.

Cassian gave her a wicked grin as he leaned back on the palms of his hands. “Would you have let me lift up those skirts and fuck you over your desk? What about these sweet, pretty lips?,” he traced a finger along the seam of her mouth and she darted out her tongue to swirl around it. “Would you have let me fuck them too? Swallow every drop I gave you?”

She shouldn’t have answered, not with the filth he was spewing that made her toes curl. But it couldn’t be helped- he’d see the truth in her eyes.

“I would,” she insisted. “I don’t know why you think I wouldn’t. If I hadn’t been taken by Hybern and turned-”

She stopped herself, realizing the mistake she’d made. How much she’d revealed about what lay in her heart. If he’d wanted to bed her as a human woman, she would have allowed it eagerly. If he’d wanted more, she would have wanted that too. But being turned by the Cauldron, coupled with Elain’s catatonic state and Feyre’s dangerous liaisons as spy in her former Court, had all left Nesta reeling. There had been no time for a relationship when her own head felt like it would burst with each day she lived in the strange Fae world of her youngest sister. She was just now beginning to acclimate to the new home.

There had been no time for Cassian, or so she told herself.

Cassian, of course, knew where she’d been going, but he didn’t push further, simply leaning forward to kiss her softly. She returned it with equal gentleness, ignoring the small voice in her head that was telling her to stop. That she’d set up their rules for a reason, to keep it only physical, and these lingering touches and kisses were not and should not be allowed.

“I wanted you so much after that day. I ached to have you,” he whispered raggedly against her lips. He didn’t need to tell her which day. The day she’d kneed him in the balls if only to emerge victorious from a situation where she wasn’t wholly sure who had won and who had lost by the end of it. The day she’d almost kissed him and would have gladly let him take her to bed, had reason and shock not been at the forefront of her mind.

“I did too,” she admitted quietly, before tangling her hands into his hair again, driving her tongue around his in a wicked, sensual dance.

“Did you think of me?,” he asked, grinding his hips into hers again, his hand coming to rest at her hip in a light grip. “Did you slip those lovely fingers in between your legs and fuck yourself with them, thinking about me? Did I make you wet Nesta?”

She moaned at the richness of his voice, at all the terrible, delicious things it was saying to her. All the things he was asking and being utterly right about. Her hand hadn’t been enough to forget him and his muscled body, that voice or those eyes, but she’d curved her fingers into herself each night afterwards hoping it would.

“That’s not an answer,” he reminded her, nipping at the tip of her pointed ears in punishment.

“Yes,” she murmured finally. “I was soaked every night thinking about you. And it didn’t matter how much I touched myself, it was never enough.”

There should have been shame, or at least some embarrassment at admitting something so personal. But Nesta could not find it in herself to summon any of it, and the opportunity left as soon as Cassian whispered that he too, just couldn’t be sated by his hand when he thought of her.

“We’re a sad pair aren’t we?,” Cassian finally said after they’d stared at each other for a few moments.

For so many reasons, yes, we are.

Cassian cleared his throat, realizing what he’d just said out loud. “I mean, I wanted you and you wanted me, and we never acted on it. Think of all the great sex we could have been having.”

A poor attempt at a cover up if she’d ever seen one, but she laughed anyways because he was right about that too. Things certainly would have been very different if she’d pursued anything at all with him as a human. Maybe the transition to becoming Fae would have been more palatable, more bearable.

“You’re disgusting, but you’re right. It would have been great. Such a shame really,” she teased laughingly.

“I think we make up for it rather well though, don’t you?” There was a mischievous glint in his eyes, and the could have sworn she saw stars dance in them. He palmed her ass for good measure, as if to prove his point further.

There was no need. Nesta was already two steps ahead of him as she lightly pushed him to lay down, locking her legs tighter around his hips.

Cassian’s hands skimmed over her waist, drawing a rattled breath from her before they rested calmly at the curves of her hips. Nesta reached for his cock, eager and demanding behind her, and lifted herself up with Cassian’s help before impaling herself down on it.

A high-pitched gasp escaped her lips before she could gather her thoughts, check herself and her pounding heart to calm down. She’d done this so many times before, and yet, somehow it felt different. Freer. Perhaps it was where they were and the fact that they’d shared so much in the past couple hours than Nesta had ever shared with anyone in her entire life.

Cassian seemed to be struggling to keep calm in a similar predicament underneath her. His hands kept their grip loose around her hips, but his eyes were wild with desire. But that gentleness would not do for her. She laid her own hand atop his fingers, and pressed them in hard.

“Bruises,” she reminded him lightly. This time though, he didn’t stop himself from digging painfully into her waist, and she thanked him secretly for giving into her convoluted desires.

Nesta laid her palms over his chest, a dark thrill racing along her spine as Cassian looked up at her in wonder. Wonder and something more that she didn’t want to linger too long on.

“Nesta,” he rasped. “Nesta.”

“I know,” she whispered back, rising up slightly and taking him deeper.

Nesta moved on Cassian slowly, slower than she’d ever bothered to do before, luxuriating in the slide of his thick cock stretching her with every flex of her hips.

Deeper.

She took him in all the way to the hilt, until she could feel him hit that elusive spot in her most innermost walls. Nesta hissed as the head of him brushed it, and sharp, shocking pleasure rippled through her core and her stomach. Cassian seemed to have caught onto what she’d felt, and she felt him adjust his legs and then begin ramming up into her as she came crashing down.

“Oh, Gods right there,” she gasped.

Surely Nesta was leaving claw marks down his chest, the tang of his blood filling the small space of air between their slick bodies. But Nesta was too far gone to stop, grinding down on him harder as he bucked up into her, sharp snarls and breathy gasps punctuating the air in a seductive call and answer. For everything she threw at him, he gave her all of it back just as well. Better even. Harder. Rougher.

It was exactly what she needed. He had known. She hadn’t, but he had. Which was why he had let her take the reigns, literally, for this settling of her soul as she let out every tangled emotion from the week’s events. As she rode him harder, faster, the only sounds between them were his occasional grunt and her own pants, marked with every obscene sound of the slide of his cock in her wet heat.

And Nesta knew, as she crested into another glorious climax, her world would never again be the same. Never again would another male be a good substitute in her bed for this male underneath her. Never again would her body crave and lust for anyone other than the warrior whose mouth tasted like heaven and body burned like hell. Not as she came with a cry of his name, back arched and nails gouging into his skin, as if his very lifeblood was the only thing left as further proof of how deeply enmeshed they had become.

Cassian’s eyes were shut long after they’d come down from their high, his chest moving with his deep breaths against her. She would have thought him sleeping if his hand hadn’t been caressing her thigh in soft, deliberate circles. Nesta couldn’t find it in herself to say anything either though, so she didn’t do anything more than climb off of him and curl into his side.

For the heat. That was what she told herself. And when Cassian looped an arm under her waist and pulled her back to his chest, she said it to herself again.

Just body heat.

She didn’t know how long she stayed awake, pressed up against him, simply enjoying how right it felt. How many hours had passed, Nesta had no idea. She also didn’t know what they would become the moment they returned to Velaris. Perhaps it would be Nesta who would start the first argument in her goal to push him away. Maybe Cassian. But probably Nesta. If only to keep her pride intact and act as if he hadn’t fought closer into her heart this week. With how he’d stayed and listened through it all, and then held her so gently she thought she too may break in the way he seemed to fear she would.

Here though, was not Velaris. Here was peace, of a different sort. She did not bother to think of tomorrow in this place. Right now she just wanted to stay with Cassian in every way she’d denied herself back in the House of Wind. Let him wrap her up in-

“You’re supposed to be sleeping,” he spoke in a hushed tone into her shoulder. And then he dropped a quick kiss there too, for good measure, as if his words weren’t enough to garner her attention, so he’d switched to the physical touch they always seemed to work best with.

“I’m just thinking,” she admitted.

All the things I shouldn’t be thinking about.

“Such as?,” he asked playfully, knocking his head against the crevice of her neck.

You. Always you.

“Nothing. Go to sleep.”

Cassian slid the hand curved under her to trace the underside of her breast with careful control. “I don’t want to sleep,” he told her in a low, deep voice that was enough to make her skin tighten. Her breasts ache. Her core pound with need, all over again.

She huffed a laugh. “Of course. What do you want then?”

Cassian didn’t answer, showing her instead. He unfurled the wing draped over her body and rose to loom over her. His wings, usually tucked in tight when she was with him, were flared out on both sides as he lifted himself over her body. Black as night, black as death itself maybe, they were beautiful. She’d been captivated by his wings from the moment they’d met, so powerful and yet delicate, they contradicted everything just by being. She met his hazel eyes, glowing like honeyed faelights, and did not balk from the stare that likely sent others scattering. The silky strand of hair falling over the scar on his eyebrow did little to lessen the command and raw sensuality of his gaze.

A conquering lord of war. Her very own. Maybe not forever, maybe not even once the week was out. But for now...yes.

Hers.

Cassian’s kiss was rough and demanding and the compulsion to join so soon again beat between them like their pounding hearts. His hands trailed up the sides of her body, caressing her skin with callouses that soothed just as much as they incited desire. Those hands made their way to her hair, tangling gently as he continued kissing her.

Nesta’s own hands couldn’t help but itch forward and clasp firmly behind his neck. Holding him to her as he was doing with her face as well, pulling lightly at the hair, just enough to make him growl against her lips.

But she swallowed his half snarl with a moan of her own as he ground his hips into her core. Slow, calculated, taunting undulations of his hips that he knew were the root of all the unfettered noises escaping from her mouth. He was making her wild, ravenous with a hunger she’d never known she could live without before him.

Cassian broke their kiss first, but his forehead was touched to her own in an almost bow. “I love those little sounds you make when I touch you,” he murmured over her jaw, dragging a hand down her neck and then lower to cup her breast. “So responsive.”

“Only to you,” she admitted. Recklessly admitted, because he hadn’t known that she was quiet with her previous bedmates save for a few cries here and there if they knew what they were doing. But Cassian was not a casual bedmate. Not a quick fuck. He was... a lover she supposed. She’d never had one before, never really contemplated if it was something she even wanted, but that was what they were, she realized.

Lovers.

Cassian drew back to take her in, take in the small confession, and something melted in his characteristically open expression. It paved the way for something even more tender, a look he rarely gave anyone, regardless of how affectionate he could be. And she just knew, it was only one she’d seen on him directed towards her. Something akin to a warm glow grew in her chest at the revelation.

And it was bliss.

Sheer, unadulterated, bliss when they joined again. Cassian had pulled her up, grasping her legs and placing them over his own with her back to his chest. She’d never ridden him this way, but from the first thrust up into her, Cassian’s hand banding across her stomach to keep her upright, she knew she may always take him like this from then on. It was a different sort of angle, a different sort of pleasure as he kept his thrusts shallow and drawn out. They moved as one, writhing along each other, Nesta’s hands tangling behind her head into his own locks.

If she pulled too hard for comfort, Cassian made no comments about it. In fact, they didn’t talk at all as Cassian’s lips were firmly attached to her neck, kissing, suckling, and leaving small bites and bruises just like she’d asked for. As he drove his hips up into hers again, dragging along a particular spot that she’d never paid attention to before, Nesta felt something tighten and burn inside of her. That pressure, unrelenting and intoxicating began to build, until it was almost unbearable for Nesta to do anything more than let Cassian buck up into her, her body almost limp with the pleasure that had built to a dizzying degree.

“Let go,” he whispered, dragging his hands down to rove over her legs, grasping the thighs that overlaid his own gently. “Let go Nesta.”

Nesta whimpered, as he did that thing again. Surging his cock upward against her walls, towards her front in a way he’d never tried before. “It’s too much,” she panted. “I can’t...I can’t.”

She could feel his smirk along her cheek, and Gods damn it all, but the arrogance alone made her grow even more wet. Cassian tilted her chin back and kissed her softly, the rhythm of his hips never faltering once. But that tenderness soon left them as the heat returned. As the passion erupted from her lips and into his, tongues clashing, and swallowed gasps in between.

He caught on quickly to what she wanted, this endless pursuit of pleasure, high as it made her feel, had grown too much and she needed an end. She needed release from the precipice she’d been kept on by Cassian’s wicked intent. He’d drawn out her pleasure to such a degree that she’d come to nearly sobbing when he finally gave into her whims.

The sinews on his arms tightened as he draped his arm across her waist, firmly grasping her hip, while his other hand palmed her breast roughly. Nesta could only hold on tighter, clasping her hands behind his neck as he began to fuck her with abandon.

She broke their kiss, unable to think as he thrust faster, more and more of that fiery ecstasy flooding her veins, until all that was, all that could ever be, was her and him till the very end. The sounds coming from her had edged into something more carnal than she’d ever allowed herself to utter. Cassian too was a male undone, almost frantic as he fucked her harder, his own groans having dissolved into pleasure of a different sort, an animalistic sort.

“Oh god,” she choked out, “Cassian..."

Cassian chuckled, his brutal pace unwavering as he flicked out his tongue to the tipped shell of her ear. “God or Gods, Nesta?,” he crooned, “Seems you’re not in control of your words.”

Nesta could not answer, could not explain the slip of her tongue had been from how horribly wrecked she felt. How horribly wrecked he was making her feel.

Cassian laughed again. A dark, sinful rasp of a laugh that heated her blood and traveled down to her core. “Am I your God Nesta?”

Nesta would blame it on being on the brink of climax if he ever asked her about her answer again. She’d regret it and curse herself for humiliating herself in such a way later. Right now though...

“Yes,” she keened. “You are.”

Cassian husked low into her ear, “Shall you be my goddess queen then, Nesta?”

“Yes,” she breathed. She could be his goddess. And he her warrior god of bloodshed. “Yes, Cassian.”

“Then come for me, my queen.”

His words threw her violently into climax, and she clenched around his pulsing member, fluid releasing from her as she screamed his name over and over. It lasted longer than ever before as Cassian kept driving up into her, his own release spurting out and mingling with hers, making her rise higher and higher as it became a never-ending torrent unleashing from her.

She did not know anything then save for a small vestige of self and sanity. The rest of her was too consumed by this male against her, ripping her soul from her body and infusing only his name as replacement. All she knew was Cassian, all she felt was Cassian, and all she held close to her heart was Cassian.

Nesta laid her head against Cassian’s shoulder as she caught her breath, his own breathing shuttered against her back. Eventually heat began to creep into her cheeks as she realized how wet everything was around them. She peeked down and beheld the liquid between her legs, smeared with his own seed and running all over his thighs as well.

“I’ve made a mess of you,” she remarked softly, remembering his own words to her once, now finally understanding what he’d meant.

Cassian stiffened, remembering too, but then he kissed her cheek lightly. “I like it,” he told her with a short laugh.

“We can’t sleep here tonight. It’s all...”

Wet, but she couldn’t say it. The sleeping bundle was utterly drenched in their release from this time, and scenting of their previous coupling as well. A beautiful, chaotic mess that they’d made which, as much as she enjoyed seeing, would not allow her to sleep soundly in.

Cassian groaned, lifting her off of him and softly placing her to his side. “There’s another one in the pack. Come on,” he said to her, getting up to his feet and reaching a hand down to haul her up.

They washed in the lake a second time that night, Cassian keeping his hands to himself and Nesta just barely restraining herself from tugging him close and kissing his lips. It wasn’t sex that she wanted again. No, she was perfectly sated now, and if the small tremors in her thigh were any indication, her body wouldn’t last another round anyways. She distracted her hands by washing their clothes in the lake, Cassian chuckling as he beheld her in only his spare shirt kneeling over the water and trying to get the dirt out.

His words wouldn’t stop replaying over and over in her head. Not when they crawled into the new sleeping bundle. Not when he kept as much distance in between their bodies as possible. Not when she gave into her weakness and pushed backwards into his side and not when he pulled her close, curling his body and wing over her.

He had said it like a prayer, like a hymn to only be uttered in a temple or perhaps a dais for a long forgotten deity. Yes, it had been when they were almost delirious on pleasure, and yes he hadn’t said it again.

But Nesta could not and would not forget the words he’d uttered to her, so gently his command had been as he’d ordered her to let herself fall into release for him. With him.

The words blazed fiercely in her heart long after she’d fallen asleep against him. Long after the next two days as they trained and coupled, sometimes in a frenzy, sometimes languid and slow. They burned and flourished, day into night, and night back into day, even when they left the mountain and returned to Velaris.

My queen, he had called her.

He made her believe it too all those months later on Solstice Night. And when she was sure he’d fallen asleep, those golden threads still shimmering between them, gilded with love and understanding, Nesta whispered her promise back against his heart.

“Your queen.”

~***~

Tagging: @bookstantrash @my-mad-fan-diary, @onceupona-chaos, @loosingdreams @duskandstarlight @greerlunna @queenestarcheron @queenofbloodshed @cassianscool @sjm-things @perseusannabeth @courtofjurdan @vasudharaghavan @sayosdreams @moe8 @arielle-reads @theoverlyenthusiasticwriter @nahthanks @oversizedbats @swankii-art-teacher @inardour @rowaelinismyotp @starryblueskies7 @nestaarcher0n @vidalinav @nessiantrashh

347 notes • Posted 2021-03-06 19:49:38 GMT

I don’t see it as a romance, but I think Eris would be very protective of Elain. Like how Cassian and Azriel are for Feyre, I think Eris would be the brooding older brother for Elain that would always scare people away from her, especially if she visits the Autumn Court because people are mean there and he loves how sweet Elain is, like his mom, and he can’t stand anyone treating her poorly. And after everything with Jessminda, he vows to keep this woman safe for Lucien’s sake, in a way to make up for how he failed him the first time.

Damn I do be simping for Eris now too.

351 notes • Posted 2021-03-01 15:25:14 GMT

Suits

Notes: I can't believe I actually did this. It started as a harmless post by @nessiansimp and here we are. I did not edit this much. I just wrote it non-stop for 3 hours because I couldn't not. Also, I know the title is basic. I don't care. I'm obsessed with Suits right now so that's what you're getting. Also, I know nothing about law school except for Legally Blonde, Suits, and Google searches. So I apologize in advance for all the stuff I portray incorrectly.

Summary: Nesta is stressed the day before her first day of classes in Law School. She calls up a familiar face to set herself at ease, not realizing just what trouble she's about to get into. A student/teacher fic. Everyone is an adult!

Warnings: NSFW, swearing

~*~

Nesta turned her phone on and off again, for the sixth time in a row. She needed to get her head straight.

She'd be starting school again tomorrow. Her first day of law school. Her first day of law school.

Fuck, she needed a drink. Or dick. Preferably both.

But there was no way he was awake at...she glanced at the clock. Way past midnight. No way in hell.

It won't hurt to try.

No it definitely wouldn't. The worst that could happen was he didn't pick up, and Nesta went to bed like she should have done 3 hours ago. But the nerves...

The nerves were going to end her if she didn't let herself loose a little.

Picking up her phone one more time, dialing the number from memory, she lifted it to her ear, listening to the ring and wondering if she'd hear something different.

"Yeah?"

The voice was deep and masculine and utterly perfect. At least, she'd found it to be, from the second she'd heard it.

"Can you come over?" Nesta didn't bother with trivial cover-ups. She needed to sleep and she had no plans of using alcohol to get it done. Not the day before classes started. Mindblowing sex would just have to do for the night.

Nesta couldn't see his face, but she knew the grin that'd be playing on his face at her request. He'd say yes. He always did. And within fifteen minutes, she heard the knock on her apartment door, telling her that she had been right to call him.

He hadn't let her down yet.

Cassian looked just as good at two in the morning as he did at any normal hour of the day. Shirt clinging to his muscled torso, a peek of black ink at his collar that she knew crept all over his chest, back and arms. And the telltale leather jacket that had made her want him in the first place. It was either that or the hair. Or the hazel eyes. Maybe it was just all of him. He was too beautiful for words on most days, and in her current sleep-deprived state, Cassian looked like a god.

A smirk played on his lips as he asked her, "Are you going to stare all day or can I at least come in first before you jump me?"

Nesta rolled her eyes but moved away from the doorway to let him in. He snuck in a quick glance at her own attire and she inwardly cringed at the fact that she was wearing only an oversized T-shirt and no pants. Not that it really mattered considering what they were about to go on to do. But, that stupid smirk on his face, the knowing look in his eyes, had her irritated.

Insufferable ass. That was why she'd kept it so casual with him. Gods knew they'd tear each other to pieces if it ever became more than just physical between them.

Cassian didn't go to her bedroom, instead stopping in her small kitchenette, drinking from her bottle in the fridge. It was almost domestic to see it happen, and Nesta almost laughed at it. Almost even smiled at him and the sight of him like this.

Almost.

"Let's go, I have an early morning tomorrow," she called from the hallway, knowing he'd follow. He knew the layout of her small but functional apartment. She knew all about his too considering she preferred to go over to his place rather than he come to her.

She didn't like to show the cheap secondhand furniture she'd purchased with Emerie and Gwyn's help from a thrift store. Or the fraying carpet and cramped hallways. It was home for her. At least for now. But that didn't mean she didn't feel slightly embarrassed by it each time Cassian visited.

She likely never would have felt so strongly about it, had she not gone home with him one night instead of the other way around.

Condo didn't seem like a good enough word. Cassian was rich. In all the ways that Nesta's family had been a long time ago. Maybe he was richer. She really didn't know nor was she going to ask. All she knew was that his bedsheets felt like heaven and everything in that damned apartment was a guilty pleasure. From the type of coffee he had to the stupid multiple settings in his showerhead.

Cassian entering the room behind her dragged her away from her thoughts on who had more money and better showerheads.

He'd taken off the leather jacket somewhere and Nesta took in the plain black button up that outlined the cord of muscles all over him. She wanted to tear it off of him.

Cassian began unbuttoning his shirt walking towards her. Nesta backed up, caught in his thrall, in the snare of his glinting eyes. When he reached her, the back of her legs had already hit the mattress of her bed. His shirt had already been discarded. Nesta raised a hand to his chest, to trace the tattoos, to maybe follow the outline with her tongue afterwards.

But Cassian caught her by the wrist, stopping her advances. He went for her shirt instead. Pulling it up above her waist and then her head as she lifted her arms to help him.

He growled as he took her in then. She hadn't bothered with a bra. Just a lacy black underwear she'd forgotten she owned until after Cassian had told her he was coming.

"That's a nice surprise," he muttered, ducking his head down towards her. She wrapped her arms around his neck, expecting a kiss.

Instead Cassian bypassed her lips, going straight for her peaked nipples.

The first flick of his tongue had her reeling. The hot and wet sensation had her keening into him for more. Looping her fingers into his belt and pulling his closer as he kissed a path up her chest and nuzzled her neck. Pressed a kiss to a spot under her ear that made her whimper and wetness to pool between her legs.

Then she got a hold of herself.

"Get on with it," she warned, breathless and not quite in any shape to be making demands. Cassian seemed to think the same thing because when he kissed her, he nipped just a touch harder than usual on her bottom lip. Just this side of pain and pleasure and enough to cause Nesta to moan into his mouth. He swallowed that moan up with a long, languorous drag of his tongue against hers.

Quicker than she'd expected, Cassian had wrapped a hand across her waist and she'd locked her legs behind his back as he put them both down on her bed.

Gasping for air, she broke their kiss and Cassian used it to drag his mouth lower. Lower. Lower...

"Yes," she hissed, as Cassian pushed the lace fabric to the side and dragged his tongue down her sex. She could feel how wet she already was, how wet he was making her with his tongue. With how good he was tasting her.

Cassian broke away from her skin, lips glistening as he smiled at her, and with her head still fogged up from a near orgasm, Nesta returned it. Never mind that she didn't like to show any softness like that to anyone to, especially not in these moments. But he'd broken down her defenses with that infuriatingly talented mouth of his. Had almost brought her to lay herself bare to him in ways that sex never had before.

Cassian hooked his fingers into the sides of her underwear and made to pull down.

"Lift up for me baby."

She did and the cool air hit her already warmed and wet skin, making the sensation all the more delicious when he fastened his mouth back onto her clit, and began all over again.

Cassian didn't take off his pants even when she'd asked him to. He'd made her come once with his mouth. She'd stayed there on bed, catching her breath for just a minute before reaching for his belt.

Cassian had denied her, catching her by the ankle and pressing a soft kiss to the skin there before working his way back up. Running his lips over her calves, her knees, the insides of her thighs. And then he'd eaten her out again, much to her protest in the beginning. But she'd quickly forgotten that she'd asked him here to fuck her when he dipped his tongue inside of her, curling upwards while she cried out his name over and over. Until her climax had been wrung out of her in an almost dizzying finale.

Then and only then had he let her undo the buckle at his hips, a cool, wicked smile dancing on his face at her eagerness. She'd opened the zip and almost slipped her hand in to palm him right then and there, but Cassian had laughed at that and pulled away. Moving off the bed to discard his pants himself before joining her again.

Nesta's mouth had dried as she'd taken him in. Naked. Hard. His cock already dripping with moisture at the tip. She wanted him in her mouth. Wanted to taste him. Feel him along her tongue, along her lips until she could take him deep in her throat.

"What are you doing?," Cassian asked with a laugh, grabbing her wrists again and hauling her under him.

Nesta huffed. "What did it look like I was doing? I was going to suck your-"

Cassian silenced her with a kiss.

"That mouth will be the death of me," he muttered, kissing her again and she couldnt help but twine her fingers into his hair. And pull slightly.

"Maybe you should fuck it and make it better," she whispered, dragging her tongue along his jaw and down his neck. Biting at the delicate skin there. Cassian didn't even flinch at the teeth marks she'd left behind beside the tattoo along the column of his throat.

Cassian chuckled darkly at her antics. "Maybe I'll just fuck you instead."

"It would be about time," she shot back, not at all caring how he'd take it. How he'd make her beg for being so mouthy.

Cassian seemed to even consider it. She could practically hear the thoughts in his head. But in the end, Cassian instead settled on leaning back until he rested on his knees before her. Kneeling he grabbed her legs, hauling her closer as he pulled them up until their undersides rested on his chest. Her feet hooked over his shoulders as her hips became flush with his own. With the hard demanding press of his cock against her sex, Nesta couldn't help but writhe desperately, craving any friction she could get.

Cassian didn't enter her right away, choosing instead to take his two fingers and place them at her mouth. Nesta took them in, swirled her tongue over them as she bobbed her head like she was sucking him off instead.

"You look perfect like that," he breathed, when she let his fingers go with a pop. Nesta didn't respond to the compliment. Not when he dragged those fingers through her folds, smearing her wetness around her clit until a soft, glowing pleasure began to build.

He entered her slowly. Much too slowly for her to take it well. Stretching and filling, in and in and in he sank. Deeper in until there was no more room for him to go. It was always too much for her. In those initial moments that he entered her. Nesta swore she stopped breathing every time he filled her up. Swore he'd filled her to a breaking point, no matter how burning and good it felt. But he'd always done it so fast, the moment of breathlessness was there and gone. A moment barely captured in the sharp intake of air she took.

But today, he'd gone slow. Had given her time to adjust although, with his size, it didn't really matter how fast or slow he went. He'd always be a touch too large for her. Just this side of stretching pain, which she loved even if she never admitted it to him.

And when he fucked her, it wasn't their characteristic way of doing so. There was no savage pounding of him into her, so hard and rough she could only scream most of the time. There was no dragging of nails across skin that sometimes drew blood. Nor any bites or bruises that she often loved to look over when he was long gone.

She couldn't lie and say this slower, almost romantic way of fucking didn't have her heart pounding for a different reason.

Because it did.

Almost as if he were making love to her. Something they'd never bothered with before. She supposed something in her had told him she was upset. That she'd needed the reassurance of his body in more than just their casual fucking ways.

As he drove his hips upward into her over and over, rocking on his knees as he held her legs tight against him, Nesta couldn't help but let the tumble of cries and moans fall out of her mouth. Not when he went faster, hit that spot deep inside her that had her on the verge of screaming her throat raw. Not when she came in a glorious crest that made everything bad go away from her mind. In that stilted moment stuck between reality and forever, Nesta had felt peace. Had forgotten her worries and troubles and the whole reason behind why she'd called Cassian over in the first place. Instead, she let it go through her until she was boneless and spent, Cassian now no longer thrusting into her, but his hard cock still inside.

He'd made her come first. Had made sure she'd come at least three times tonight with not one care at all for himself. It shouldn't have bothered her so much. After all, they just fucked. It wasn't a serious relationship. Yet it bothered her enough that when she caught her breath, Nesta unhooked her legs from his shoulders and pushed him down to where she'd been.

Climbed over him and sank down without a moment's hesitation, causing Cassian to groan aloud at the sheer ecstasy she too was witnessing.

That second time, she made sure he became unchecked and wild. No matter that she rode him. Nesta had circled his wrists and placed his powerful hands at her hips.

"Fuck me as hard as you want," she told him, leaving his hands tightening at her hips. "I want to feel it when I move tomorrow," she added salaciously.

Cassian seemed to appreciate that. When he thrust up into her those final times, Nesta swore she saw stars dance across her vision with her head thrown back. When she came to, pleasure slowly leaving her body, Cassian was panting just as hard underneath her, softening inside her and leaking out.

It had been his climax, the moan he'd let out as he'd reached that precarious precipice, so close to falling off, that had made Nesta come. She'd known how close he was, and so she'd flexed her inner muscles once, twice, and the sound of his moaning her name had had her tightening involuntarily as her orgasm crashed through her. He'd followed not long after and she'd cried out his name along with an incoherent mess of sounds she'd deny he'd ever gotten out of her.

Cassian had let himself take a minute to recover, and then he was pulling her off of him, walking over to the bathroom joined to her room. She'd heard the run of water and soon he returned with a warm, wet washcloth to clean between her thighs. It was moments like this where she was glad of being with Cassian, even if it was just for sex. Her past whatever they should be called weren't very good in bed. And they weren't very good out of it either. Nesta had opted for condoms then, when she'd hated having to waddle over to the bathroom, some stranger man's release dripping out of her.

It wasn't until after she'd fully caught her breath, gotten up to pee because she'd be damned if she got a UTI tonight, and taken a long swig of her water bottle that Cassian had brought over, that Nesta settled down. Pulled the covers up to her breasts, not bothering to get dressed, and just breathed.

Cassian had pulled his boxer briefs back on, but that was all. His clothes still lay discarded haphazardly around her room, although that was the deal for most things in her room anyways, so she shouldn't be surprised. Cassian seemed to think the same thing as he looked up from typing something on his phone, surveying the room around him with a hint of distaste on his face.

Her hackles began rising. No she didn't like her place that much either when remembering the type of place Cassian lived in. But that didn't mean she'd take shit from him about it.

Before she could say anything though, Cassian turned his attention to her, "Who lives like this?"

"I beg your pardon," she spluttered, not expecting that as his first comment on the state of her home.

"I mean," he gestured around them, "why is it so messy? Have you never cleaned up your room?"

Nesta snorted. "What am I a child and you my mom? It's my place. I'll keep my room as tidy or not as I like."

Gods knew she'd earned it after the way she'd been living before.

"Very mature," Cassian remarked, shaking his head in disbelief as he went back to whatever was going on in his phone.

"I think so," she added, rather coldly if were being honest with herself.

Cassian was older than her. Not old enough for it to be creepy or gross, but old enough for Nesta to know he no longer ate ramen for dinner because he was behind on student loans. Old enough to keep things like bourbon and whiskey and other really old bottles of liquor he often poured for her when she went over. It was a stark contrast to the refreshments she could offer. Hard lemonade or coke was about it in terms of choices.

Cassian had flicked his eyes up at her from her sudden change in tone but had decided not to comment, going back to whatever business he was attending to. Or texting to, whichever it was.

She had no idea what he did. Just that he was rich, gorgeous, drove a really fast, really expensive car, and that he could fuck her silly.

She'd seen the college diploma in a wall in his living room in passing. A few family photos with two other men that looked like him in the way people from the same country often did. He'd mentioned his foster brothers to her a few times. Nothing about foster care itself, and she hadn't felt it right to pry. Not when she wasn't sure what exactly they were.

They weren't supposed to be anything anyways if she really thought about it. She'd run into him in a club of all places. He'd been with his brothers- she'd found out months later- and hadn't wanted to be there. She'd been dragged along by Emerie and Gwyn for Gwyn's 21st birthday celebration. Nesta who was already 22, hadn't been as excited to go to a club when she'd been sneaking into them since she was 16. But Gwyn was her best friend so she had relented. Once Gwyn had come across some handsome tall stranger on the dance floor, Nesta had been left behind. Emerie finding her own dance partner in the form of a petite, curly haired woman named Maria hadn't helped Nesta's situation.

In her haste to go home, or at least take a breather from the stuffy nightclub, Nesta had run into a very large, very solid mass of some sort.

It had been Cassian. With his infuriating smile, disarming charm, that leather jacket and those fucking tattoos. She'd chewed him out for not watching where he was going.

Then she'd let him fuck her in front seat of his car. Or, she'd fucked him. It didn't really matter to her anymore. It had been the best sex of her life and when he called her up a few days later, Nesta hadn't hesitated to let him come over to her apartment.

Gwyn had been horrified when she'd found out. Emerie had warned her about bringing home a serial killer. But it had already been done and Nesta had known deep down, she'd never be the same again. Her friends didn't really get it. Their entire situation, but Nesta didn't really care about that either.

Cassian was easy. Easy to he around. Easy to talk to. There were no expectations. No rules and no limitations either. He just...was.

And he let Nesta breathe in a way she hadn't thought she would in a long time.

So what if she didn't tell him that she'd gotten into law school after working her ass off in her last year of undergrad? After the hell her junior year had been for her, he was lucky she told him where she had even gone to college. After graduating, Nesta also hadn't told him where she worked. Nothing about the paralegal job, the name of the firm, or the application she'd put into law schools.

She couldn't risk whatever tenuous normalcy she'd finally reached if Cassian did indeed end up becoming a problem for her as Gwyn and Emerie were worried about. Definitely not after she'd worked so hard to get where she was.

In that spirit, Nesta didn't ask about his own life either. Not outside of anything he offered her, which also wasn't much.

She liked that too. No expectations. For all he knew, she was a part-time hooker. But he never asked.

Eventually, Nesta had ended up crawling over to where Cassian had sprawled out on her bed, and tucked herself against his chest as he'd continued typing away. No matter that the blanket had become a bunched mess underneath her or that they never did this. He'd stayed longer than he ever had before and Nesta didn't care if she admitted to herself that she hadn't cuddled with anyone in a long time. Certainly not with anyone worth the effort.

Cassian hadn't seemed miffed at all. Running a hand down her hair as she'd tucked closer, pressing a kiss to the crown of her head. Nesta had soon fallen asleep to the sound of his beating heart.

When she came to, Nesta awoke alone. It wasn't the first time. In fact, she'd never not woken up alone after Cassian visited. And yet, after last night, she'd felt some sort of change between them. Had sworn Cassian could too. Which was why his disappearance seemed to harp on her so strongly. Why his text that he'd talk to her later but that he'd had to run to work had left her feeling empty. And when she entered her first class of the day, after barely finding it, and only being on time because she'd come earlier, thoughts of Cassian still swirled around in her mind. More than she ever should have allowed herself to.

Nesta turned on her laptop, taking in the students filing in around her. It was a full class. She'd taken the class on a whim, seeing that it was a seminar that discussed criminal cases, taught by a professor Emerie had said was an easy A if you showed up and talked a few times. Easy enough. Nesta had no plans of messing up her first class of her first day in her first step towards a better life and better future. She'd do the best. Be the best. It was what she'd lived on for most of her life anyways.

As more students filed in, Nesta wondered where the professor was. Emerie had mentioned he was old, sort of deaf, but a softie if you talked to him enough. Yet, everyone looked to be around the same age in the room. No sign of a professor anywhere.

The clock struck 8:00 AM, and as she typed in her password, she saw a figure get up from the front row and make their way to the board.

What idiot was already playing pranks on the still absent professor, on a first day no less, Nesta had no idea. She wanted no part in it though, she knew that much.

"Alright everyone, good morning. I'm sure some of you are wondering where Professor Jackson is. He's unfortunately going through some medical problems and I was asked to step in for him. Now, Professor Jackson taught me, in this very same classroom, in the very same way that he planned to teach all of you. And I'm going to, hopefully, be just as great and inspiring as he was." The man laughed and added, "Hopefully," earning him a round of chuckles scattered across the room.

But Nesta had frozen. Hadn't moved from the moment she'd heard his voice. Because she knew that voice, could pick it out from anywhere. It had been a voice that greeted her with teasing jests every time she glowered at him and his antics. A voice that whispered sweet nothings and the most filthy delicious promises to her when his body pressed her deep into the mattress.

As she stared transfixed in horror towards the front of the room, Cassian smiled brightly towards the class, scanning the room as he opened his mouth.

"My name is Cassian Virin and you can call me either Professor or just Cassian. Either is fine. I'm a practicing attorney at Solis and Vanserra. It's a firm in this city that I'm sure many of you have heard of." More chuckles arose because who the hell hadn't heard of Solis and Vanserra.

"I'm going to be here just for this semester while I also work on some pro bono cases at my firm, and-"

Cassian stopped talking as he finally saw her. She was sure the same panic was evident on her own face that she mirrored in his own. Except Cassian mastered himself faster than she ever could in such a fucked up situation.

Not breaking eye contact with her, Cassian finished his sentence. "And I'll be your teacher this semester for this class. Welcome to Criminal Law.

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399 notes • Posted 2021-06-25 07:51:51 GMT

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