#there's a bit of something there about the true self existing in the false self or smth

[navree]

i finally realized that a portion of why i go so feral over father-child dynamics specifically is because one time when i was young and spending a summer in france and still hadn't mastered french enough to want to read french books or watch french films, one of the few pieces of english media in my possession were children's book novelizations of disney's bambi and bambi ii and so i read it a lot at a formative time

[starry-bi-sky]

more about og tue timeline twins danny and dan/jamie

very touchy with each other. you might even say. ccclingy. its to be expected, they're two halves of a whole after all and all they've got of each other. worryingly co-dependent. do not separate. ever.

Danny was really weak and sick after the initial separation, and was for a while after. Jamie knew internally that if Danny died, he'd take the whole world with it. He was the one sole caretaker for him while he got better -- not for lack of trying on Vlad's part, but without his ghost powers he was nothing more than a feeble (albeit handsomely rich) man, and James looked ready to bite his head off if he got within ten feet of either of them.

Vlad is intimately aware that James (or Danny, if he tried) could snap his spine in half like a twig, and is uncomfortably aware of his own lack of ghost half now. It makes him feel self-conscious and exposed, so he never fully returns back to "cocky and self-assured billionaire Vlad Masters". Making deals with other brands feels a lot harder now that he can no longer possess them anymore.

Speaking of, he very quickly has to come up with a cover story as to why there's now a James Daniel Fenton to the public, when no records whatsoever of him existing existed prior. Lots of forging false government documents on his end. James and Danny do not help because it's his fault this happened in the first place.

(Regardless of whether or not Danny actually willingly chose to rip out his ghost half/humanity in canon is true, or if that was Vlad Masters speaking out of his ass, a large part of the blame still falls on Masters.)

(As his primary caretaker and guardian, it's his responsibility to ensure the health and safety of his charge, and since Danny was in clear emotional duress at the time, it can be argued that he was not in the mental state to make such a decision. And, allegedly, couldn't do it on his own which is why he asked Vlad for help.)

I chose "James" as Dan's name since it's a popular fanon middle name for Danny, and since he's half of Danny, it felt like it just made sense lol. Also because of the ensuing comedy of the two of them introducing themselves as "James Daniel Fenton" and "Daniel James Fenton". It's got the same energy as "danny with a y" and "danny with an i" and it's the exact kind of name bullshit you expect parents to give their twins.

I don't have their exact personalities down, but something I am actively writing into this au's bible is that I think Danny should be the quiet and (ig technically) meaner one. There's a lot to go into about interpretations for ghosts, halfas, and the incident itself, but TL:DW; Danny is technically soulless, or at the very least missing half of his soul (altho Jamie is too just in a different direction).

Pair that with the trauma of losing his family in front of him + having his ghost half ripped out + all the trauma he would've sustained as a hero, and he's not doing too hot mentally! i think if the twins met good timeline!Danny, Danny would've mistaken Danny for Dan and Jamie for the original half.

He comes off to others as pretty apathetic and indifferent to a borderline terrifyingly calm degree. He doesn't go out of his way to insult people, but he also doesn't care enough to consider the other party's feelings so he doesn't filter himself, which makes him come off as rude. The only times he looks truly comfortable is when he's near Jamie or talking to him.

His standoffish, ice prince demeanor makes Jamie look like a saint in comparison. When really he's not all that much better? He's more outwardly emotional than Danny, whether that be positive or negative, but at the end of the day he doesn't trust or care about anyone else any more than Danny does, and he's got a bit of a sadistic streak. Danny reigns him in when he starts becoming too destructive.

(Which I think makes sense. Danny asked Vlad to rip out his ghost half specifically so he could stop feeling his human emotions. Dan, despite his monotone voice, does exhibit emotions. He's smug when he asks Valerie if he likes his ghostly wail, sardonic when he reunites with Sam and Tucker, annoyed, shocked at Danny's ghostly wail, etc. He enjoys wreaking destruction and chaos.)

(If Danny had survived his encounter with Dan and if Vlad was successful, then I imagine he'd be rather apathetic to his other half as a whole. That'd be interesting.)

Overall though they're both hurt, bitter, and distrustful of the world around them, with abandonment issues a mile wide. They can get better and they can heal, but it takes time and patience and proper support.

On the DPxDC side of things, they do genuinely hold some kind of respect or regard for Bruce. They also don't become vigilantes for a while. Neither of them are jumping at the bit to enter heroism again, not when it was heroism that killed their family in the first place.

In fact when they find out Bruce = Batman they think he's foolish for it. They think its a fool's errand, and they've been so spurned by their time as Phantom that for a few weeks, Jamie even refused to call Bruce anything but Sisyphus. Danny called him Tantalus, and the two of them had a faux-argument about which one was more accurate.

Bruce does, though, worm his way into both of their hearts, and that's like, the main reason they become vigilantes to join him. So that they could keep him safe and not because of any desire to return to the heroic life. Relearning to care and finding satisfaction in helping others was an unintentional side effect.

(Bruce is so very smug)

Essentially:

The Twins: this is our squishy and fragile adoptive father. If anything happened to him, we're becoming mass extinction events.

Bruce: Nnno.

[lyquynhnhu]

Episode 10 was hard to watch

This episode was hard to watch, I could really feel the stress and despair.

Basically, the Nine Soldiers exist for nothing. They are nothing more than a temporary hope for the people, Baobab never expected them to save the world. They are sacrifices. The lore of Tale of Perishing is really bad. Although the story was created with a bad ending in mind, this reveal emphasises how bad written it was. Literally, everything was useless. Their existence is useless.

With every episode, I start to appreciate Unio more. In this episode he got a bit of character development during his conversation with Justice. At the beginning he was really annoying, but with every episode it’s shown that he really care for Luke.

As for Memmeln, I think she and the two elf are trying to resurrect QJ. The “puzzle” they were doing is definitely pieces of QJ (recognise his antenna) and in the previous episode when he exploded it was shown that his pieces fall to the ground. They weren’t wearing the robes like the other cultist, so they have nothing to do with them.

As for Natsuko, she was really in crisis. She is once again in an artistic block like during episode 1. The Voids copying her drawings now is suspicious. I think the director is behind it. This copying thing started in episode 8, and in the same episode Natsuko showed the director the pegbar. Probably, the director didn’t know about the pegbar power before, but after she discovered and since the pegbar was originally hers, she is taking advantage of it now.

As for episode 11 preview, the title is worrying. Luke desperate expression looking at the pegbar disappearing is very sad.

The only positive thing seems Unio being “still alive”. I mean, he didn’t disappear completely. He still exists somewhere.

Natsuko didn’t appear in the preview, but according to last week interview, in episode 11 she will come to terms with her past self. Maybe we will discover the origin of the voice from the pegbar. I did suspect it to be Natsuko past self voice.

I’m not sure Natsuko will awaken in the real world. Instead, I think she will found herself in a kind of limbo reviving her past memories. Maybe she will be seated in a cinema (like in the opening) watching her past. Don’t know how to describe it, the most similar scene that comes to my mind now is the ending act of Fontaine of Genshin Impact (the Furina trial in the theatre).

After coming to terms with her past, she will be given the choice to return to real world or save Tale of Perishing. Natsuko thinks she can’t do anything to save the world, having lost her powers, but if she still have Unio’s broken horn, it could come in handy.

This would be a hard choice, because choosing to save Tale of Perishing means she has to give up the real world forever. I really want an happy ending for Luke and Natsuko, but her returning to reality is more realistic because she has her movie to finish to close her character arc. But, at the same time, the movie wasn’t her idea. She was given the job from her boss, more like a challenge.

I think it’s not bad for her character arc to choose to save the world creating something original capable to change the course of the original plot, defeating the director, and at the same time finding true love.

in short, the “Hatsukoi” movie was a misleading narrative device from the beginning.

And Luke deserve to be happy, since he was born/created as a “legendary hero”, forced to live in battle and lose his friends all to keep a false hope. He wasn’t wrong saying it’s all the Soul Future fault.

[eamour]

goddard · glossary

if you are currently reading neville goddard‘s books or listening to his lectures, you might encounter terminology that can be a bit confusing or irritating at first. with this glossary, i want to help you to understand what neville is actually trying to convey!

phrases

phrases listed from a to z

as within, so without﹕nothing comes from without meaning all manifestations of you come from within aka from your subconscious

assumptions harden into fact · an assumption, though false, if persisted in, will become factual and materialise aka appear in your physical world

buying the pearl of great price﹕this pearl is your imagination and buying it means to sell beliefs that we think are powers to guide our life aka astrology, tarot, religion, and so on

consciousness is the only reality﹕things can only exist within your consciousness

consciousness is the way or door through which things appear﹕I AM or the awareness of being is the only reality

creation is finished and everything exists﹕there are infinite states and combinations of states (a state also being a reality) into which you can fall (that already exist)

everyone is you pushed out﹕the world reflects your inner beliefs and the people around you are only messengers telling you who you are

feeling is the secret﹕the feeling of knowing is the secret — the only thing you need to do — in order to manifest whatever you want

imagination creates reality﹕whatever you assume and accept to be true in your imagination determines your physical reality, the 3D

no one to change but self﹕you need to only change yourself (your thoughts and therefore your awareness) in order to see changes in the physical world

rising in consciousness to the naturalness of being the thing desired﹕you will draw your manifestation onto you once you start to feel natural about your desire and having it

self must be expressed﹕the state you occupy reflects your concept of self and has to be physically mirrored

serving two masters﹕occupying two states of consciousness that are oppositional

shutting the door﹕shutting out what i am now aware of being (and claiming myself to be that which i desire to be)

the conceiver is ever greater than his conceptions yet ever remains one with his conception﹕the power (you) conceiving and the thing conceived (the things you have manifested) are one but the power to conceive (the power to create) is greater than the conception (creation)

the signs always follow, they never precede﹕things have no reality other than in consciousness. therefore, if you become conscious of something first, the thing is compelled to appear

the world is a mirror﹕the world is forever reflecting what you are doing within your imagination

thinking from the end﹕unification or fusion with your desire as you think from having it; claiming your desire in your imagination

thinking of the end﹕separation from your desire as you only think of it; daydreaming about your desire

to assume the feeling of the wish fulfilled﹕assuming to be or have the thing desired and knowing that it‘s yours

to die in one state and to live in the other﹕leaving the old, undesired state of consciousness and embodying a new, desired state of consciousness

to put new wine in old bottles or new patches upon old garments﹕taking with you into the new consciousness any part of the old man aka old beliefs

with love, ella.

[disassembly-required]

Sometimes I wonder a bit about N being the pilot of the ship and how he "crashed and ruined everything". I feel like there's something in there, like, some piece of lore that's hidden between the lines. It just feels strange to me that N was the pilot, when J is the leader and clearly perfectly capable of piloting one of those ships. Wouldn't it have made the most sense for her to have driven it to copper-9?

But then what's with N's hat? Something doesn't add up. (And then there's the mirror again)

N doesn't recall himself being pilot, but he ""remembered"" (questionable memory of acutal reality) "they never taught us how to land". We know at this time N believed "the company" still existed and was composed of humans, so the story to him had to have been that either J or V drove it, and the company failed to train them for proper landing. That's full of lies though, because a) J absolutely knows how to land it, even IF N and V didn't know how, so in theory they shouldn't have actually crashed, and b) again.. the company isn't real.

So here's the thing: in order for N to immediately accept the "discovery" he was the pilot, it has to be the case that neither J or V even told him ANY story about who actually drove and crashed it. If they DID, he would have had to either question why J and V told him something different, or outright tell Uzi that couldn't be the case, because (example hypothetical) "J already told me she was the pilot, it must be hers."

In other words, the two would have had to tell N they don't remember who drove and crashed it. And maybe he took that at face value because a lot of his own memories are missing; maybe he thought they all experienced some sort of memory loss.

I suppose there IS a possibility that J or V took the blame, company didn't train them, yadda yadda, and maybe N's reaction internally IS something to the effects of "oh they lied?! I was actually the pilot?! Wow!" It's not impossible.

But even this is still strange to me. Because imo, the easiest situation would have been: J drove the ship and crashed it on purpose, ensuring there was no escape for V and N from their jobs, because y'know, J is actually serving Cyn the whole time. BUT.. if that were the case.. the easiest thing for J to do would blame it on N in the first place. Idiot you crashed the ship, now we're stuck until the company picks us up. Oh well. Let's get to murdering those drones and deal with that later. But like I said.. apparently she didn't say that. He doesn't think it was him.

So whether the girls pretended not to know who the pilot was, or claimed it was one of them (and said claim could be true or false), or it WAS N who drove it and they lied about it being him, SOMETHING is missing from all those possibilities.

Why DOES he have the pilot hat? And its emblem, it's clearly a custom emblem representative of disassembly drones (not a random human's hat he picked up somewhere). Why was it removed? And when? Here's something interesting, in the episode 7 flashback, his hat does in fact have the emblem:

And there is a question that could be posed, whether he's wearing exactly what he wore at the time of this flashback, or if it's just his current self placed in the flashback.

I'm inclined to believe it's the former because a) if it were exactly copying N as he looked while in the mineshaft, he would have been missing an arm, and his eyes were certainly not an X nor were his claws out, and b) in ALL other flashbacks during the series, characters are depicted exactly as they looked at the time of the memory. It would be the first flashback to break that consistently.

So previously, he was wearing the hat with the pilot emblem. And at some point, it was removed and put somewhere in the ship. Although in the episode 1 exposition (the three first arriving on copper-9) it's impossible to see whether his hat has it, I'm inclined to believe it was removed before landing on copper-9.. otherwise, wouldn't he remember having it when he first got there?

There was a memory wipe somewhere before that, that reset him after the emblem was gone.

In another recent analysis I talked at length about the manor-mirror on the wall of the pod:

This mirror is put up sometime between episode 1 and 2, while Uzi is living with N and V. Now, Uzi was also the one who found the pilot emblem. This leads me to believe Uzi was poking around the pod looking for "clues", so.. she likely found the mirror too, right? (And V of course is hiding the past and pretending to know nothing, so whatever Uzi found, she would have denied any knowledge of it.) Can we guess she found the emblem in the same place she found the mirror? I think we can, because I think we can also say she likely found the mirror not long before the emblem and she taped it up.. because if the mirror had been hanging for some time, her eye would have surely broken it wayyyy before it did.

In that previous post I linked as well, I talked at length about V's connection to the mirror and what it means about her specifically--being trapped in the past, the things she can't let go, the things she's hiding from N.

@oldmanjenkins985 (hope you don't mind me tagging you again haha) had originally asked where the hell the mirror came from in the first place and WHY it came with them at all. Well, if the symbolism is any indication here, it had to have been something of V's. V must have brought it. She's the one hanging onto the past, right? Perhaps that's very literal, here.

Considering we're dealing with 3D models here I figured, if the mirror WAS from the manor, there is NO way wasn't an asset actually used IN the manor environment. So I took a look! And found it! It's in Tessa's room, and it's never super clearly in any shots, this is the best I could actually get of it in fact:

And a side by side (with the sharpness turned up a bit on my end to try to make it more readable) (note there's camera angle discrepancies between these two shots so the width appears to be slightly different, but I don't think it is, I am fairly certain this is the same mirror)

(Fun detail: it appears there are some red flowers? In the upper corner of the mirror when in Tessa's room. They have been replaced by a splatter of blood.)

Jessa shippers come get yall juice because completely fair game to speculate J took the mirror. But I'm not going in that direction with my actual analysis haha because-

I believe V took it. V is the most attached to the past, the manor, what she and N used to have. Perhaps there were other mementos she took that Uzi found but would have just seemed like random junk, who knows. The bigger point is if V took it and hid it, and Uzi found the mirror and N's emblem in the same spot, it can only mean V hid the emblem too.

I think there's a little hint to that too. After N gets the emblem back and does his little "spaceship pilot, origin story *fingerguns*" V just hisses aggressively. There's no actual reason for it at face value other than V being belligerent and hostile while Uzi is around in general, but digging into all this, surely it's not all that arbitrary. Something upset her about Uzi giving it back, after all, V has been trying to keep N in the dark about ANYTHING involving his "origin story".

But.. why that? The hat didn't come from the manor, he wasn't a pilot back then, what DOES it matter whether he found out he was actually the pilot or was blamed for crashing when it was really J, or what? Why didn't V want N to even THINK he was the pilot?

Especially since by the end we know he absolutely can pilot a ship, with extreme precision, in fact. He likely didn't even know it until he started up the ship himself and it came back to him like riding a bike, that's definitely the vibe of "spaceship pilooooot!" to me. BUT .... if he WAS the pilot of their ship to copper-9 then, there's no way he would have crash landed.

Something happened. SOMETHING after earth and before copper-9 that V hid the emblem between a memory wipe, because she didn't want him to know he ever drove it or knew how to. And Uzi giving it back angered her because it was something she wanted to keep hidden.

My evidence sort of hits a dead end here, although PERSONALLY I do have one working theory I can make with all this:

N was originally the pilot on their missions. At some point, SOMETHING compelled him to disobey the mission. Maybe V told him a little too much backstory, maybe he found something out he shouldn't have, maybe he just had a gut feeling something was off. But while piloting the ship at some point before landing on copper-9, he tried to go off course and get the 3 of them the fuck away instead.

Which was of course a really bad idea because there's no escape from Cyn. And it didn't go well.

So N's memory got wiped after that, and V took the emblem off his hat and said nothing about him ever piloting the ship, because it would be safer for all of them (especially him, which she cares about the most) if he never ever got the idea ever again to try to escape and had no reason in his lobotomized head to even think he could.

Maybe? 🤷‍♂️ it's all I got for now.

[vulpixisananimal]

[A: 4 C: 80]

[(Saffron)]  {Mal Du Pays} <Null> |Asterion| +Rosmarinus+ =Socks= 

[(There was a long silence once The Kid finished telling you everything. Almost everything. You know they left some parts out. You know The Kid’s lying about just “looping back” after forgetting the frozen tear, but it’s the kind of lie you both acknowledged with a nod. It’s the kind of lie you both pretended was true, because the alternative was too terrifying to imagine.)]

[(You still had trouble moving your, well, everything. But even still, you reach up and put your hand on The Kids knee. They take your hand and squeeze it.)]

“. . . So, you, dragged me back?”

“. . . Mhm.” [(They nodded.)] “I, uhm, dragged you back, told everyone your injuries, then passed out.”

“Haha, long night. . .” [(You hated your fake laugh at a non-joke.)] “. . . . L-listen, I’m s-”

“Don’t.” [(They glared at you.)] “I don’t wanna hear it, Siffrin.”

[(. . Siffrin, huh. . .)]

“. . . Okay.” [(You breathe in, and out.)] “. . . Then, thank you.”

“. . . Sure.” [(They just look at the ground, their once soft happy face failing to make any appearances.)] “. . . I uhm, told everyone what happened, too, after I woke up.”

“Oh?” [(You tilt your head.)] “How’d it go?”

“Mmm, it went, okay.” [(Another shaky breath, before they look directly at you. Eye to eye.)] “I told them everything I just told you.”

“. . . That’s, good!” [(But that means there’s more to tell. More to tell that they hadn’t told the rest of your party. Stars, there's probably some that they won't even tell you now.)]

“. . . Do y’know what happened to Nille?” [(B, Bo, Bonn- The Kid asks, a bit quieter. Stars, why couldn’t you just, use their blinding name.)]

“O-oh, uh. . .” [(. . . You couldn’t tell them.)] “She. . . I-I, I dunno-”

“Stop.” [(The Kid said firmly.)] “I did not spend my last few days trying to drag you through the snow for you to lie to me.”

“I. . . .” [(You look away, then down at the ground. . . Y-you, talk quietly. . .)] “. . . We. . . W-we, had, an argument.”

“. . .”

“A-a, uh, a bit of a fight.”

“. . . . . Is that what you told them?”

“. . . Y-yeah, yeah it is.”

“. . . Is it what you're gonna tell me?”

[(You pause, take a deep breath, then continue.)] “. . . No. She. . . she attacked me.”

“. . . .” [(They sink down into their cloak.)] “. . . Knew it.”

[(Stars.)] “. . . She asked me what happened to you with the King. I told her, and she attacked me after that.”

[(They nod, and shuffle on the spot.)] “. . . ‘N you dunno where she went?”

“No, I didn't see, sorry. . .”

“Which one was she talking to?”

“Huh-? Oh, Siffrin. Null and Rosmarinus both tried talking her down too.” [(You try to smile normally.)] “Sif is. . . . They're, they’re very shaken.”

“Ok.” [(You expect them to ask who you are next. You really hope they don't. . .)] “. . . Can, I ask you something?”

“Of course.” [(Here it comes.)]

“. . . My nightmares changed.”

“O-oh!” [(Once again that Kid proves you wrong. Thank the stars for a change of topic.)] “Uh, how so?”

“They're just. . . . Different.” [(They huff and lay down, resting their chin on your stomach.)] “Everything's different.”

“Very helpful.” [(You tease, and immediately regret it.)] “I, mean. . .”

“Yeah, yeah.” [(The Kid huffs.)] “I mean it’s always the crabbing third floor, everything’s different, the Kings even tougher, and it just lasts a few hours- F-Frin? ‘Frin are you okay?!?”

[(Your face must have given you away.)]

[(That.)]

[(T-that, that’s.)]

[(But, you, y-you-)]

[(You gave that up.)]

[(You gave it up, you gave it all up. Your family, your life, your self, everything! It doesn’t exist, it’s not yours, it’s gone, all GONE!!! You were sure of it. You were sure that they, your party, your family, were all dead and buried, and replaced with these actors and false facsimiles. But, b-but-)]

[(You feel Bonnie shake your shoulder. Bonnie. Boniface. Bonbon. Little chef, kiddo, kid. If, they remember, then, then. . .)]

[(You hug Bonnie, and start to softly cry.)]

“F-Frin???” [(They’re clearly surprised, but, return the hug. You can’t stop yourself from crying more.)] “I-is, is everything okay?!?”

“Y-yeah.” [(You say between sobs.)] “V-very, very okay. M-more, more than, you could know but. . . B-but. . .”

“It’s ‘kay” [(Bonnie chuckles and baps your head.)] “Everyone needs a big cry sometimes, ‘kay?”

“O-okay. . .”

 [(And cry you do. You cry softly, shakily, quietly, so it doesn’t go much further than the tent. It takes a few minutes for it all to fully process, but, but it’s, it’s worth it. It’s worth it. You let Bonnie go and lay back.)]

“Uhm, feel better?” [(You nod.)] “M’kay. . . So, uhm. . .”

“Y-yeah, I know.” [(You let out a shaky sigh. You had to explain that, huh. Or, at least a bit.)] “. . . It’s. . . Complicated. A-and I don’t mean the ‘you’re still a kid so I won’t explain it’ complicated I mean it really is hard to explain.”

“Uhm. . . Okay?” [(They just cross their arms and wait.)] 

“. . . “It’s. . . To do with Loop and Saffron. Me. I-it’s, Saffron right now.” [(You breathe in, and out.)] “You know we- Loop and I, were separate from Siffrin in Dormont, and still are in a way, yes?”

“Yyyeeeaaah?” [(They affirm, squinting.)]

“W-well. . . Well, it’s to do with us, and us alone.” [(Lock in. You put on a slight smile and a straight face.)] “And we’re not ready to talk about it with everyone yet, okay?”

“. . . .” [(They’re furrowing their brow so hard you could almost see the gears turning.)] “. . . . . . Are, those new nightmare-memory loop things. . .”

“Please, don’t ask.” [(You look away, rubbing your shoulder.)] “Please. Y-you can talk to the others about this if you want, but please, try not to make any theories or pester us or anything. We will talk about it. . . . . . . . . . E-eventually.”

“You promise?”

“I promise, Bonnie.”

“You super promise?”

“Heh, I super promise.”

“Do you s-”

“Super duper promise with a cherry on top!” 

[(You both laugh a little at that, then you yawn and collapse back into the sleeping bag.)] 

“Tired?” [(You nod. Bonnie gets up.)] “Mmm, me too. Ima go okay? Uhm. . .”

[(You glance at them.)] “Yeah?”

“. . . P-please don’t die, okay?”

“I promise, Bonnie.” [(You close your eye.)] “I’ll see you in the morning, promise.”

“O-okay, g’night.”

“Night.”

>>>

“You’re not looking so hot right now, I bet you want a hit of that sugary stuff, huh?”

<. . . You know that voice.> “You should be dead, V.” 

“Yeah, fuck you.” <A man who had bleeding stumps where his arms should be stood in front of you, while you’re tied to a chair.> “Fuck, I guess I don’t look so great right now, either. But with what I’ve been through? It doesn’t even compare with what’s in store for you; the withdrawal.”

“Withdrawal?” 

<Right. This is a play. A play. And you’re an actor.>

“Ha. HA! You stupid motherfucker. You really don’t have a clue, do you?” <The scene is melting around you.> “When Wishes leave the system, time slows to a crawl until it stops completely. You get stuck in your own mind with nothing but nightmares to keep you company. You’re gonna WISH you were dead. But it’ll never happen.”

<Your strength is gone>

“Your neighbors? Yeah, they’re dead to us. But that wish I gave them? They’re still there in their minds. It’s never ending for them.” <The man steps forward. His face- > “An eternity of torture where nobody can even hear you scream. . . Heh.”

<The man smiles a toothless grin.> “Maybe I can show you some things the REAL dragon did to me-”

<You bolt upright from the nightmare, hand to your chest. You’re, you’re- right. You’re in your tent, in the middle of the woods.>

“Siffrin?” <You turn, Isabeau is sitting in one corner of the tent. No doubt having been put on ‘rogue watch’ to make sure you didn’t have another heart attack.> “Everything okay?”

“. . . Yeah.” <You lie, sighing.> “It’s, just a nightmare.”

“. . . Wanna talk about it?”

“Not really.”

“Okay! I’m always here for you to lean on, okay?” <He comes over and sits next to you.> “. . . Any pain?”

“No, I’m fine.” <You lie again. Stars, you’re getting as bad as Siffrin.>

[(Someone has to fill his shoes~)]

<And shouldn’t that be you? Isabeau pats your back.> “Well if you ever so conveniently need something for the pain, there’s some medicine over there for you.”

+You look to the side, that’ll be useful. Especially if we’re. . .+

<We’ll be fine.> “Thank you, Isa.”

“Welcome! Uh, who’s. . . ?”

“No idea.” <You lie.> “Just, blurry. Sorry.”

“It’s okay! No problem here!” <He chuckles again.> “You should probably go back to sleep anyways.”

<You sigh.> “I don’t know if I can.”

“Well! I got the perfect thing for you then!” <He reaches over and gets a little bottle of medicine.> “Here we are, sleep aids.”

“Heh, are they turbo-strength or something?” <You hold out a hand, and Isa puts three tablets into it.> “I feel pretty blinding awake.”

“Oh yeah. I had a couple of these once and I was out like a light in seconds! Here.” <He hands you some water, next.> “I’ll be here for when you wake up, okay?”

“. . . Okay, thank you.” <You take the water, and look at the pills.> “. . . . . . . Bon appétit.”

<You toss the pills in your mouth and follow it with the water. You swallow, and hand the water back to Isa.>

“Sweet dreams, Sif- huh?” <Isa was interrupted by you tapping your lips. He grinned.> “. . Oh alright, one kiss goodnight.”

<He leans down, and kisses you on the lips. You return it, putting an arm around him, and pulling him down, starting a roll that quickly ends with you on top of him. His eyes and face betrayed how flustered he must be, especially as your hand goes to his neck.>

<His expression then changes to confused, then wide eyed with realization. But it’s too late, the pills you didn’t swallow were slipped into his mouth and down his gullet. You just had to hold him there for a second and. . . . There. It’s done. No going back now.>

[(Like that was ever an option.)]

+Y-yeah, we can’t just leave Nille stranded, and we can’t just lay here.+

|It is, likely suicidal going by ourself, but. . .|

[(Suicidal? You DO know who you’re talking to, yes~)]

|I-I know, but-|

{Enough.}

[(. . .)]

|. . .|

+. . . You get up, and grab all the things you need. Spare tonics, medicine, warm cloak, extra supplies, compass, map-+

<Daggers, katana, whetstone, pocketwatch and such. You were ready in seconds. You would have a decent head start, but you had to move.>

+Then let’s move!+

[(You sneak out of the tent like a natural, the snow making not a sound under your feet. Where?)]

+North-east. Follow the-+

[(Got it. You make your way north-east, without looking back.)]

>>>

[(It’s been hours, right? It feels like hours anyways.)]

+It has. You’re doing great, Saffron.+

[(. . . Thanks. Hahaaaa. . .)]

[(Stars you’re lucky. Once you made it back to the clearing, you were able to see the remnants of some tracks and follow them. Eventually, the tracks faded, and it was impossible to tell where she went next. That’s where you were considering going back, if it wasn’t for. . . Something strange.)]

[(Socks.)]

[(Socks is a cat in headspace only. And yet, somehow, when you allowed nyan to fully front, nya was able to smell Iron. Blood. And after a bit of searching, you found a patch of blood that you could only guess was The Carpenters. It only took a few minutes of walking to find her hat.)]

+My question is, how can Socks just do that! It’s so confusing.+

[(It’s not even the first time something very strange has happened, isn’t it.)]

+Right. Null can enter a kind of slow motion, and reset at will. Mal’s been more. . . Shadow-ey, and Socks has a crazy sense of smell. Even I have that strange perk of being able to manifest memories.+

[(Right. You’ve yet to see that. And you’re sure this was, real?)]

+I-I, I think so? Stars. . .+

[(Haaaahahaha. . . . You keep trotting through the woods.)]

[(. . . . . Your stomach growls. Ugh.)]

+Deja vu?+

[(Yeah.)]

+You’re doing amazing, okay? I love you.+

[(You feel Rosmarinus’ arms wrap around you from behind you in headspace, and feel a kiss from her on the back of your neck. Your shoulders relax. S-stars. . .)]

+Cute.+

[(Shut uuuuup.)]

+Hehehe.+

[(Stars, you’re such a- wait. You stop. You hear. . . . There’s voices.)]

+Someone’s here?!? I-I’ll get-+

<Here. You take over, and start quietly pushing your way through the underbrush towards the noise.>

+There’s a light. A flickering, low light. Campfire?+

[(Careful, don’t trust strangers.)]

<You know, you’re not an idiot. You keep creeping forward, until you’re able to peek around a tree, and gently move a fern out of the way to see. . .>

+!!!!!!+

[(?!?!?!!?!?!?!!)]

<What the fuck. . . ?>

<Pétronille is sitting around a campfire, her arms bandaged, and a patch on her cheek. She looked tired, and the slight smile she had as she talked was forced, and exhausted. She was holding a bowl of what you can only assume is a soup of some kind. You were glad she was alive, but the true shock was who she was talking to.>

+With the well cared for darkless hair, grand cloak, and star pendant, it was r-really hard to miss the Astronomer that had been harassing you all. Merlon, smiling softly at their guest. You could tell something wasn’t quite right. Was it the faint smell of sugar? Or the twitching of her fingers.+

[(But, arguably one of the most surprising sights was your enemy, the Historian. What was once decently kept hair was now mottled and unkempt. His shirt and vest were partially unbuttoned; in fact, his fashion was a mess. But his face. . . It, it was a dangerous mirror of what you once looked like. The shadow under the eyes, the smile that was forced, the hunched shoulders. It gave you shudders just looking at-)]

+QUIET! MIND READER!!!+

[(R-right, sorry.)]

<The group talked. One of them made a joke, the others laughed, you couldn’t make out what they were saying. Eventually, Merlon idly looked off into the forest, eyes passing you at first, before quickly snapping back. The two of you lock eyes.>

<Merlon gently puts a hand on Percis knee, and he jumps in surprise before quickly relaxing again. They whisper something to him, before saying something to Nille. Both of them turned towards you in sequence.>

“. . . . . . . . . O-oh! Oh good!” <Percival put his bowl to the side.> 

“Pétronille, one of your friends has come to pick you up.”

[pawberri]

How do you know if something is early psychosis and not other neurodivergencies/mental illness, from a self determination perspective? Like for example you need both an obsession and a compulsion to have ocd, so what is the one thing that needs to be true to know if you might be dealing with some form of psychosis?

The hard thing about it is that sometimes prodromal schizophrenia looks like other things, but there are diagnostic and expirential differences... anecdotally me and my friends talk about loss of emotion. Not the kind symptomatic of depression where you feel overwhelmed with emptiness, but feeling absolutely flat. Nothing gives pleasure, but you don't have the instinct to grieve over it either. You walk through life on autopilot, maybe fantasizing about having access to emotion. Maybe the fantasy world becomes the only place you feel anything.

Also, loss of or lack of identity, an inability to fathom any objective reality or objective version of "yourself." Psychosis therapy often involves helping the patient believe there is a narrative to their life, rather than it being a series of random inputs not connected by one identity or perspective. People with psychosis or schizotypy might have trouble understanding that they don't have access to people's inner thoughts or feelings, which makes it feel like your "identity" is just a bit of sludge in the sea of existence.

The most obvious and explicit is if you start to have delusions and hallucations. There are also less severe versions called cognitive distortions and sensory illusions. (i.e I have schizotypal so I always see blurry shadowy shapes out of the corner of my eye, and I always have paranoid beliefs about others and magical thinking, but I can identify it as "not technically true.") If you are having delusions and hallucinations you might not be able to tell they're false, but if the world has suddenly become much more scary and hostile and full of danger and unexplainable phenonemena, it might be delusions and hallucinations. You can check with others you trust to see what they think of the phenomena you're experiencing. There's no shame if it ends up being a delusion or hallucination.

^ My explanation is purely amateur and incomplete, so tread carefully. This website here impressed me with how thorough it is

[notmorbid]

harrow.

dialogue prompts from harrow by joy williams.

you are a riot today.

my mother lacked good judgment in many things.

they abolished purgatory, but it still exists.

one should guard against excessive fear.

justice punishes, and mercy pardons.

you're just fucking with me.

astrology can be fun, i guess.

throw down your burdens of time and reason.

you are such a cold cunt.

we all live three lives: the true one, the false one, and the one we aren't aware of.

a ginger ale would be just the thing, unless you have a gallon of tylenol pm and a bottle of bourbon.

who asked to be born? not me.

try to be happy for me.

why are you being so unpleasant?

i'm glad ____ didn't live to see all this.

if you've got the right attitude, you're gonna be fine.

we're students at large. the world is our classroom.

you're older than everyone i've ever met.

everyone dies disillusioned.

i used to think ____ was lucky.

i would like to learn, but i can't seem to.

where did you come from? where were you born?

the past is merely a grammatical construct.

if you're blessed enough to save something, it doesn't stay saved.

goodness, i haven't talked this much in years.

our lives don't move in a horizontal fashion anymore.

human destiny has quite played itself out.

to dream of a fish means death, you know.

it's too late to be afraid, i think.

you're cheering me up, and here i thought i was cheering you up.

i foresee possible unpleasantness on a considerable scale.

i may not have handled everything as well as i could've.

i was complimented on my lucidity and calm.

it tastes better than it looks.

tell me everything, whoever you are.

it's been some time since i've had a visitor.

did you leave? you're so quiet.

you can beat the devil and not hobble evil one bit.

the devil's nothing more than evil's color distraction.

ethics is going to be the ruin of this operation.

repulsed or pitying: the emotions have become so similar.

denial is now an art, a social grace. a survival tool.

the more a person doesn't care, the freer he becomes.

the new thinking is that compassion is nothing but self-cannibalization.

every place is like every place else.

you're not as smart as you think you are.

you look as though you signed a new lease on life.

don't you tell me there's any sacredness to places.

mothers always want something more from us, don't they?

i wish i'd kissed ___ when i could have.

winning became losing, as you are well aware.

i've always had a fondness for the minor deities.

calamity is often necessary for rebirth.

in tragedy, everything has happened before it begins.

i don't know much about ____. i don't have the patience for it.

it's not my business to answer why.

we're pioneers, and pioneers have to be unconventional.

we're free to make our own new innocence now.

i like fragments. sometimes i prefer them to the whole.

i would like to take up living, rather than remembering.

i don't like god all that much.

maybe that was god's plan for me: to give me a darkly colored life.

even a rat needs a challenge.

i never should have sent ____ away.

what's it feel like, accepting your past?

you're a bold little brat, aren't you?

i never knew you had so much integrity.

you heartless little turd.

people pass through. that's all they do, really.

you can spot a moral hazard a mile away.

things used to add up. not so much, anymore.

[lemotmo]

💛

Q. I'm sorry your inbox was such a mess yesterday. I understand the need to block people after a while, but please don't close your inbox. Your blog and others really do provide a service for those of us who sometimes just require a little more explanation.

A. Hi, anon. Yesterday was a lot for my inbox. I had over a hundred messages and the vast majority were freakouts over an interview that just simply did not do anything to cause that kind of chaos. There was just no need for people to have spiraled like that. It was a really lovely interview and I was shocked by the amount of people who flat out missed everything he was saying, and then had the nerve to get upset at those of us they were asking for help from to try and understand it.

It is a given that there are going to be people upset about the direction the storyline appears to be going, that's true of anything people watch. But I am stunned by the number of people who genuinely seem to believe that they can just say 'no that's not what's happening because that's not how I interpret the scenes' and then have the audacity to say that everyone who is allowing the actual text to lead their opinions are simply bullying them. I had several messages yesterday accusing me of trying to bully people into agreeing with me because I refused to accept that everything is open for individual interpretation. That is simply false. It has never been true. Yes, people see things differently. And people can have differing opinions but when one side of the conversation is supported by the actual text and canon facts then that side is allowed to tell you your interpretation is not supported by what we're actually seeing. That's not bullying people. Of course people can choose to ignore what they're not enjoying but not liking it and deciding to ignore it doesn't stop it from being true. It's absolutely bonkers to me how many people keep saying things like 'it's not happening because none of them are saying outright this is the direction we're going'. That has never been something television shows do and it is beyond wild to me that there's a group of people screaming that if they don't say it out loud then we're just lying because we want it so badly. I have never encountered anything like this in all my years of fandom. There's always been antis. They exist in every fandom. There's always been people who watch and engage simply to hate on things. None of that is new but the amount of people who have convinced themselves outright that as long as they don't see it that way, or refuse to acknowledge it, means it's not happening, and everyone else has to agree with them or we're the actual problem, is absolutely wild to me. Everyone can have an opinion. You can believe what you want. But the truth will always be that the argument most supported by the actual text of something is the 'opinion' that's most likely the correct one. That doesn't make us bullies. We're not going from inbox to inbox yelling at people for refusing to acknowledge what were actually seeing on screen. People can pretend they don't see or understand something all they want. No one can prevent that. But if you're coming to ask us to explain something or help you understand why we're saying something and we offer you canon proof to back up what we're saying and you come back immediately after and argue that none of that means anything because Ryan didn't say Eddie is gay in and in love with Buck in an interview is a whole other level of insane. That's never been how any of this works. And what's even more wild is that most of you supposedly want them together so the fact that there's all this canon evidence to suggest that it's going to happen and you still want to find ways to yell that it's actually not happening is an exercise in self infected misery and I'm simply not going to help people do that anymore. I'm more than happy to explain things if I can to people who just genuinely need a little bit more help, that happens and that's fine. I'm more than happy and willing to do that. But going forward I will not be engaging with anyone being intentionally irrational and deliberately obtuse. I'm not doing that to myself anymore. It's been almost a year and I'm exhausted. What we've been getting is genuinely exciting and I want to enjoy it, all of it. Most of us do and we've earned the right to enjoy this. Come be part of the excitement if you want, but no one is forcing you to be here. We've reached the good place. Let us enjoy it, and let yourself enjoy it. I have no plans to close my inbox. I'm just going to stop answering certain things. Thank you for the lovely message, anon. I'm always happy to talk about it and them, to anyone who genuinely wants to talk. 🩷

Thank you Nonny!

Now to be completely clear here, the interview Ali is talking about in her answer is the Ryan interview. I got this post Friday morning, so this was pre Oliver's NBA celebrity interview.

Yes yes yes to all of this! I cannot agree more.

I don't really have anything to add here. Everything that needed to be said was said. I'm also at the point where I just want to enjoy the story we are getting. Join us!

Heads up! For anyone who is giving me the shifty eyes for reposting Ali's updates instead of reblogging. Read this.

Remember, no hate in comments, reblogs or inboxes. Let's keep it civil and respectful. Thank you.

If you are interested in more of Ali’s posts, you can find all of her posts so far under the tag: anonymous blog I love.

[daflangstlairde-art]

"Starstruck"

Part 2 of whenever, wherever (we'll always be together)

Fanfic summary:

“And yet a trace of the true self exists in the false self.” — Dust has forgotten what it's like to be cared for, it seems. Red wishes he could remind him.

Chapter 1, 2,424 words

Content warnings and further information on ao3.

—

Red woke up at what his phone told him was 1 p.m., so: early as balls by his standards. Usually he preferred to sleep in even later given how late work could run, but whatever, he'll live. Maybe he’ll take a power nap later. 

He exhaled, rubbing his eyes open to the low light of day. Thank fuck for thick curtains. 

Now. Why was Red awake so early?

The answer came to him with the quiet clatter of a fork against a plate, and just as quiet muttering. He looked to the side where Dust was sitting up, legs crossed, a plate with half eaten lasagna in his lap. Probably the remains of last night.

“–rude to eat it or not to eat it? you’re scrambling my brain here,” with a chuckle. A pause. Red couldn't see his expression, since he’d put on his jacket as soon as it was washed last night and hadn't taken the hood off since. “...sure it does, in the pasta,” 

Wait, wha...? 

“huh?” Red mumbled, mid yawn. Dust’s face turned to him, luckily not all that startled. 

“oh hey,” he acknowledged, “morning,” 

“mornin’,” Red returned, voice scratchy. The dude seemed chiller today. Carrying himself with a bit more ease, even if it felt oddly... detached from the present. “you on the phone or somethin’?” he asked. Or maybe Dust was practicing jokes, that'd be swell to see.

Dust just stared at him in response. No emotional reaction. That same permanent grin. 

From outside, Red could hear the muffled sounds of distant traffic. People busy with the day. It was sunnier today, too.

“how long have you been awake?” Red asked, groaning as he pushed himself to sit up. Yawning again. 

Dust looked back at his plate, sorta just tapping the fork idly, no eating being done. 

“eh, you know how it is,” Dust shrugged with the easy-going non-answer. “i’m too lazy to sleep, hah,”

“feel free to make yourself at home,” Red welcomed, dragging over his slippers and dragging himself to his feet. He had a feeling he wouldn't get any additional sleep for the moment. “food’s yours, shower’s yours, whatever you need,” he continued while hunting down where the fuck he tossed his semi-clean socks. 

Dust didn't reply, but Red could feel his gaze on his back. Watching him as he moved around the bedroom. 

If he was expecting Red to mention anything about last night, he better be prepared for disappointment. Red wasn't approaching any of that on his own initiative, not if Dust didn't. It was Dust that instigated it anyway. 

Though Red hated this unsettled air between them. He missed how easy it was to hang out with Sans. He couldn't decipher whether it was different now because Dust was different, or because of how Red was taking his change. 

...Not that it was a bad change. Frankly, Dust was sexier than ever in Red’s eyes. Smokin’ hot like a fired gun, hah. But it wasdifferent. 

It was kinda... pleasantly domestic though. Wakin’ up in the middle of the day, hazy with sleep; slits of light through the curtains and the sound of Dust’s voice. It wasn't anything, ‘course. Just being hospitable to a guest. A very close friend. 

(Even if Red quietly wanted it to be something.)

Anyway.

“boss has work ‘til the afternoon,” Red started, putting on his own jacket. “but that's about when i leave for mine. won’t be back until, uh... pretty late,” although the club had somewhat flexible hours, that was certain.

“work?” Dust questioned.

“yeah,” Red turned to him. He was still just sitting hunched on the mattress, holding the plate with the lasagna like he was gonna eat it. “bouncer. edge’s basically a firefighter, how hilarious is that?” Red snorted. 

It was a bit difficult, dealing with life up here when they’d had no government IDs, nothin’. But they were figuring it out. While Undyne predictably brute-forced her way into police business, Papyrus quickly realized that wasn't to his taste. The sap wanted something to actually help people with, and preferably something that paid, not just all the volunteer work he did. And he could stick up for other monsters like this, be a pillar of the community, raise humans’ opinion of monsterkind, yada yada. A lot of pros to it, which was unsurprising, him and his strategy.

And who wouldn't want someone without lungs and with magic to help around?

Red had no such aspirations, but the boss would chew his ass thrice over if he didn't get at least some job. And ‘pparently humans found even a shortstack like him pretty intimidating. Not that your size or strength mattered much when you could grab some violent drunk by the soul to kick ‘em out. 

It was all that, and they still technically worked for the King.

(...Sadly the different schedules meant he and Edge didn't see one another much.)

Dust let out a noncommittal hum in response.

“anyway, that just means you ain't being ditched alone in here, more often than not gon’ be one of us at the apartment. let us know if you need anything,” Red finished what he’d intended to say. 

“right,” Dust acknowledged, though it wasn't quite a confirmation. He was looking away.

—

...Yeah so maybe Red was cleaning while Dust was smokin’ on the balcony. 

Y'know, just... a bit of his room. It was going slow. And annoying. But he was making it a little tidier. Currently shoving away whatever junk and clothes remained on his mattress, to straighten out the sheet. So Dust would have a nicer place to sleep. 

Not that Dust seemed to particularly care. Red knew Sans was almost as bad as him. There was just little point to it all, huh? Why bother when it would just get dirty again? 

But still. Red wanted to. He wanted Dust to feel, like... comfy and shit. If that meant finally sorting what clothes are for the wash and what ain't, so be it. Red’ll survive. 

...It was fuckin’ annoying though. It's already been like two hours, this is more than enough for today by his measure. He wanted to go smoke with Dust. 

On the way there, Red took a detour to heat up that lasagna leftovers, carrying them out and placing them on the plastic table. 

Dust wasn't sitting on the chair though. He was at the railing, elbows propped on it, hunched. Smoking cigarette between his two fingers. Red couldn't see his expression from the hood, but he was clearly lookin’ over the city. Red stood away for a moment, observing him. Trying to read him from the way he held himself. 

A wound-up tension, the calm type. Red just couldn't get the image of an ambush predator in wait out of his head. Lethal stillness and precision. 

Something had offset Dust’s affect. Wriggled up his contentment from the morning. 

Red leaned over the railing to look down too, but he didn't see anything particularly offensive. Just buildings, stores, cars, people. Someone walking their barking puppy, a klaxon momentarily blared, unintelligible music from somewhere. Regular shit.

...Except... except it wasn't, was it? Not for Dust.Up until yesterday, presumably Dust was stuck in that hellish fuckin’ loop. And now he was here. Watching all those humans below. 

Shit. 

Alright, maybe it was fine. Red was gonna stay level about this. No need to freak out if Dust wasn't. It was just them, the city, and the cold autumn air between ‘em.

“edge’ll have a fit if you don't eat his pasta,” Red leaned back against the railing. 

Dust’s head ticked towards him, likely brought out of his thoughts by Red’s presence. 

Instead of replying, Dust raised his hand and took a drag, exhaling the gray smoke. Red couldn't be too mad at him — it was a great sight. He supposed the city was kinda cool too, or something.

“they’re just...” Dust spoke quietly, forcing Red to put all his attention on him in order to hear (as if his attention was anywhere else). “...going about their day, huh?” Dust’s free hand curled against the banister. 

“yeahp,” Red replied, mostly to prompt him to speak further. “just livin’ their lives,”

“...someone should do something about that,” Dust chuckled quietly. Cold. 

“what, y’ gonna wipe out the whole human race?” Red kept himself calm. 

“stars, i wish,” Dust said, almost wistful. Seems he wouldn't stop reminding Red that he was speakin’ to a mass murderer. He was lucky Red found that more impressive than worrisome. 

(Contrary to Dust's words, however, here he was, definitely not doing anything about the matter. So it seems there was more to it. It wasn't quite hatred for the entirety of human kind.)

“the fuckers will ensure it bites us in the ass if they overhear one of theirs, hah, bit the dust,” Red mentioned. It’d been a bit of a problem after they were freed — monsters were so used to violence and humans weren't exactly kind and accepting. An explosive concoction. 

“i don't care,” Dust growled out, gripping the railing and hunching even further forward. Red was surprised by the sudden intensity of his words. “i don't care how innocent they are. i don't care it isn't going to fix anything. i don't care that they're probably some normal randos, that they're not that... thing,” he spat, with the tome of someone who does, in fact, care. It was personal, then.

Red didn't interrupt him, mostly because Dust clearly needed to get this out of his system, and only a little bit because there was a creepy fucking undertone of humorless laughter to the words.

“i was a moron!” Dust exclaimed, breathy, with an audible grin, the unsettling type, “to think i could overpower it! sure, i killed that kid countless times, but it wasn't even them that was responsible! in the end, what worked was making it bored,” he was laughing, shit. Was this another... episode like that fuckery from yesterday? 

Keep Dust away from humans, Red mentally noted to himself. 

He felt just as clueless on what to do. He didn't touch Dust, ‘cause that might make it a hundred times worse. What the hell was he supposed to say? 

“your lasagna’s gettin’ cold again,” because food is comfort, food is stability, food is magic and health and life. Having food was a clear distinction to the many times they didn't have such a privilege.

Dust just barked a laugh, ash falling from his cigarette with the suddenness. 

And then in a snap, Red’s soul was blue and there were a dozen sharpened bone bullets in his face. 

Yeesh. That could take out someone’s eye.

Though his metaphorical heart was racing, Red didn't move an inch. He wasn't unused to fear tactics and shows of intimidation. He just stared at Dust, standing in front of him now. Face dark, eye lights unstable. 

“if you wanted somethin’ else to eat you coulda just said so,” Red quipped, trying to be chill about this. The sharp, sharp points of the bullets inched closer to his face. Extremely precise control of positioning. Red forced his gaze away from them and back to Dust again.

Dust just stared at him. 

“what the hell is your angle?” he demanded, voice low. 

“my angel? just look in the mirror,” Red replied immediately, grinning smug at the pause in Dust’s glowering. He returned to it just as fiercely less than a second later. 

“i drop in, out of nowhere, reeking of monster dust,” Dust bulldozed over Red’s dumbassery, “and you, what, serve me food?” 

Red shrugged. “what do you want me to do? newsflash, babe, yer not unique,” 

Dunk’s head snapped back with a laugh, hand on his face. 

“oh yeah! i forgot you're buddy-buddy with a ton of mass murderers!” he replied, all sharp sarcasm. 

“you’d be surprised,” Red returned, neutral. 

“oh please,” Dust rolled his eyes, “you’re not even a little worried that i’ll go out of control?”

“it sounds to me yer worried about it enough for both of us,” 

“i could dust you with a single attack,” Dust whispered, his stare blazing through Red.

“not gonna give me at least two?” 

“i could dust your brother with a single attack.” 

Red shut his yapper real quick.

...Fuck.

Dust’s grin widened mean. 

“struck a nerve?” he leaned closer, the joke mocking. 

Red’s soul was kinda trying to beat out of his ribcage. 

Dust dissipated the bones, knowing damn well his looming presence was a whole lot more terrifying. Red couldn't look away from the magic swirling in his eyes. Couldn't even hear the rest of the world anymore. He was sweating, gripping the railing. But he wasn't teleporting away yet. 

If Dust wanted to kill him, Red would be dust ages ago. Yet here he was, alive. But what the hell was Dust’s goal with this scare bullshit?

He didn't get a chance to reply though, since,

“OKAY i GET it,” Dust snapped to his right. “at least be– no, you keep saying one thing and then the complete opposite–” he argued with a huff. 

Red blinked. Hesitantly, he turned his head slightly to the left, where Dust had faced. Looking through the corner of his vision. 

Nothin’ there. Just the air. Not even a neighbor too curious for their own good. Not even a pigeon. 

“uh...” Red cleared his throat, and Dust’s attention returned to him. He pulled back, hands shoved in his pockets. Apparently his vibe got killed (hah) by... whatever that was. 

“whatever,” Dust muttered with an exhale, turning his back to Red. “not like any of this matters anyway.” he spoke airily, suddenly back to detached. 

Red watched him open the glass door and walk back inside. Leaving him just... out here. Like that hadn't just happened. 

Red sighed out the tension, using the railing as support. Jeeez! Get yourself a man who leaves you weak in the knees, metaphorical heart racing, sweaty and breathing hard, huh?

(Fuck, it was hot. Maybe Red really was a freak, sue him! Dust was hot as a bitch.)

Not fun getting his brother threatened like that though. 

...Well, to be fair. Dust didn't exactly threaten him. More like... pointed out the obvious. Dust could kill them both easy. 

But that's nothing new. It's always been about simply keepin’ yourself within the circle of the strongest, whether that’s yourself or your associates, your pack, your family. 

So the question ended up... was Dust on their side? Or was he a threat?

[corviiids]

I really liked your analysis on the “core” of both Joker and Akechi. I agree that neither the detective prince or the black mask “is” Akechi at his core; but rather, he’s fractured. My question to you is, do you think we ever see the “true” Goro Akechi within the canon? It is my opinion that we do likely in Rank 6 just for a little bit and in fragments during the engine room. And by that logic, what do you think the “true” Akechi would be like in a post canon scenario where the DP/BM are gone?

thank you so much and really good question. in my personal opinion we definitely see parts of his sincere self but there's sort of an asterisk attached to that (ill expand) and more importantly even in those truthful moments we never really see the Whole of him because as i said before i don't think his sense of self is really collected enough into a unified whole to be able to show it off even if he wanted to, at least at that point in his life

im like turning this question over in my hands bc im about to go into a bunch of this stuff in the next chapter of my longfic and i dont want to just say the same thing twice, but basically (this time it isn't as long thank god. it's still a bit long)

i think even in the moments akechi is letting you see him in canon such as in rank 6 (and i think you're right i do think at rank 6 he's exposing a bit of himself to you. most of himself. all of himself. he is naked) he's doing so deliberately, because unveiling a bit of truth is a very potent tool in trying to get someone's trust (in this case ren's) and convincing them to swallow the rest of a lie. so while he's showing you something real, i think his intentions are still very guarded, so i would still say he's holding up a facade at that point

black mask in the engine room is more complicated because i think that's the closest he gets to being unguarded during canon. look it's like multilayered because i think when he's being the detective prince he's aware that he's being false because he's doing it on purpose, but when he's the black mask he's much less aware because at that point the insincerity is just something that's built into his understanding of himself so it becomes less a deliberate facade and more a failure to comprehend who he is on an internal level? so i think as black mask in the engine room he's not lying to you anymore. he's just not like... self-actualised enough that we can really call the black mask the "whole" of who goro akechi is, because he sees himself as a villain with an expiration date and so he's kind of deliberately made his self-understanding quite shallow. but it's close. i think that's the most sincere he ever intentionally gets.

re: postcanon - this is really interesting to mull over because i think generally people agree that third semester akechi is like, again, as close as we can get to akechi not masking around you. but i also think that's mostly just because he's being mean, and it's easier to buy meanness as sincerity than niceness. im going into this in the next chapter too i have to figure out how to reword this

but akechi in third sem IS masking. akechi in third sem is a man who thinks he's dead. that expressionlessness isn't just him not bothering to put the smile on anymore, it's him coating his entire existence in a layer of nihilism and apathy because in his mind he doesn't exist anymore and how are you meant to cope with that? it's definitely still more sincere than the detective prince, and i think it's closer to what his personality would be removed from his circumstances. well, that raises another question on a more abstract level LOL about how much of a person's personality IS just... reactivity to circumstances. like is it even meaningful to ask this question? is it useful to try and remove someone into a contextless vacuum to determine their "true self". i think no so to what point is it relevant to try and determine which of a person's circumstances are sufficiently extreme that they should be considered outliers and at what point does it just become a futile exercise in trying to achieve, like, the character equivalent of nagel's view from nowhere I'M GETTING OFF TRACK THI SISNT WHAT YOU ASKED

THE POINT IS. postcanon i think we could expect akechi to resemble his third sem self to an extent but i think a little less blank, a little more reactive and emotional. furthermore i think even when the detective prince and the black mask are gone as conscious masks elements of those personalities would still remain in akechi's character, like, i still think he'd do the ^_^ in public, i still think he'd be unhinged when context allows, because i very firmly believe that (not just for akechi but for everyone in general, but especially for akechi) the choices you make when you're masking and those masks that you wear ARE part of your true self and not just a disguise this is going to show up in longfic too

so i think akechi goro is a liar, he's a performer, he's ruthless, he's flat and dry, he knows how to play the game. he was once idealistic and it's crossed into bitterness so he reacts to his circumstances with cynicism and impatience. he's guarded and carefully filtered in most situations, but in familiar situations where he feels he doesn't have too much to lose (eg with the few people he thinks he can mostly trust) he's smug and cutting and doesnt suffer fools easily. he doesnt pull punches, but dont mistake the bluntness for honesty. i think to akechi truth and information and vulnerability will always be a weapon

[maletofujoshi]

this is maybe strange. and portends evil in my heart probably. but i think i have to be honest about this.

immediate reactions to seeing different emoji skintones in the context of casual self expression (or, not using emojis as representation of story or narration) :

🙏: placidity. i have no further thought beyond what is being expressed by the emoji itself. this is the default, so all other variants are an active choice, a decision to communicate more specific information. this is not that.

🙏🏻: acute mistrust. why are you signalling that you are pale-skinned over text. (*)

🙏🏼: acute distress. this is too ambiguous. i’ve met people whiter than sin who use this colour set. and i’ve met. well just fair-skinned poc who have a similar skintone. you can’t tell much about the user of this colour set, but if through external information you know that they are white, i feel like the question of “what are you trying to signal?”(*) becomes stronger.

🙏🏽: “huh” / passive curiosity due to hangups. i have only ever asian women and asian lgbt people use this colour set. those people are near this skin tone or a darker one, but are reticent to use darker colour sets due to an awareness of what they generally signal. the people i have seen use this colour set have all been somewhat neurotic, but i can’t accept that as a true pattern despite my observations. there must be like. some normal guy out there who uses this colour set. yet i have never seen one. this is the hangup, as previously described. EDIT: this hangup is independent from the major one about communication, and is more about a trick that i think god is playing on me.

🙏🏾 & 🙏🏿: placidity. i feel generally secure in assuming what this signals. this maybe a perception i have due to the demographics of the english speaking web (or my perceptions of such), but these colour sets are usually clearly signalling a black writer (or someone who wants to falsely create that impression, but there are only very specific circumstances where i’d think that, those circumstances existing independently from the emoji alone.) i generally do not get a sense of ambiguity from these colour sets and their users.

(* i don’t think that question and the flash of concern i feel towards it is wholly rational. simply, people like expressing things about themselves in communication. however. i still continue to have these questions flash in my mind upon contact)

i think the pattern here is that when a non yellow tone emoji is used, the author is signalling information about their skin colour. when i see specific information communicated, it alters my read of the text. however, kinda like a homonym, these colour sets could mean many various things about the author. seeing 🙏🏻 makes me think, “is the author white? asian? something else?” and because without other information no one meaning can be arrived at, it ends up feeling a bit like an exposed nerve. except it is nearly always small potatoes and i stop thinking about it like 3 seconds after having such immediate reactions. does anyone else think like this or is it just me.

[milfclaren]

So intrigued what your version of the correct fic Lando is... (and if you have any examples of ones you like!)

howdy partner!! i probably have to write him myself to feel fully satisfied but. here are my thoughts anyways. i’m sorry i typed you a fucking Book in response.

i wanna start by saying i give a lot of leeway with how lando is written by others because his perspective is one i find Very Hard to write. for one, he leaves a lot of room for misinterpretation (i’ll expand) and for two, we’re very different people with very different experiences and i’ve never met him. alas, fic exists as the perfect space to explore your own interpretation of someone else’s personality — both inside and outside of their normal circumstances — and as a writer, you get a lot of creative choice within that. my usual complaint is that he’s cut to the bare bits of the public personality (sillygoofy, a bit bothersome, sometimes demanding and persnickety) OR he’s solely earnest and one-dimensional, in a way that reads as a subservient self-insert.

the version of lando in fic that feels correct for me balances all of these things — his goofier front, his prickly, cautionary act and his more sensitive side (and i do think he is Sensitive). this version acknowledges that his sensitivity is where his prickliness stems from at all. maybe that’s because he resents that about himself, maybe it’s something else entirely; that’s up for the author to decide. anyways, the most correct version of fic lando, to Me, also reconciles his dedication to honesty with his necessity to lie. for being so honest, lando is also a fucking liar, and i do think that. from what i have gathered, lando feels more at ease protected when he has some control over how you misunderstand him, because (from his perspective) no matter what he says or does, you are going to misunderstand him. i don’t think fic acknowledges/explores this Nearly enough. (astrology does, but his birth chart is another rant entirely)

he has said before he thinks it’s funny when people are wrong about him, but once again to me that says being misunderstood is the status quo. on some level he likes to mislead you. on some other level, it’s comfortable to maintain. i don’t blame him, i’m not judging him. in all regards, vulnerability is fucking terrifying. especially if you’re dismissed no matter how much genuine vulnerability you’re showing.

all this is not to say he isn’t headstrong or firm in the things he believes to be true about himself. but can you imagine how he might gain a stronger sense of control by playing with your perception of him? he gets to control what you dislike by controlling the version of him you see. if you dislike what you’re presented with, it doesn’t matter because it was an exaggerated facade anyways. there is a distance from that immediate rejection, because at best, it is a somewhat-false acceptance. that is not more satisfying, really. so maybe if you like that version, he plays into it harder. or maybe he starts to peel back his layers and show you a more authentic (or perhaps even more contradictory) version of himself.

tl:dr — a well fleshed out character showcases all their contradictions. the best landos in fic manage to capture his total aversion to being truly known and the way he needs it so furiously you can see him fighting it.

here are a few landos that stuck out to me, and since the og post was about porn, there’s lots of porn here:

[Explicit! heed all AO3 tags and warnings!] all of these are dando, landoscar or mando. there is no carlando, sorry, i know that’s crazy, because it is the most popular lando ship, but i only really like carlando in very specific circumstances <3

this is very short, but for some reason this lando interpretation kinda sticks out in my brain

fun landoscar here, i liked this exploration of lando a lot

pacrim fusion lando i think about so much

rule 63!dando - an interesting exploration, i liked it

another really good landoscar - this is a different lando than i usually see i think

this lando yearns so much, and he’s a little freak. no notes, that all seems plausible to me

i know what i said about carlando but this series is about dando. carlos is more of a lingering concept.

this little love sick lando lingering in the space of best friends to lovers

i would give you my life for more lando/george fic

some people who write or interpret his voice well in general

[folkwhore1998]

swear to be overdramatic and true to my...

lover

I am a pink girly through and through. Taylor's album aesthetics are so different from one another, and of course, I may be biased but I just love this album aesthetic so much. It completely screams summer. This is the album to roll the windows down and sing with your friends in the car, fall in love, yell at a man, cry... Who knows!

Miss. Americana highlights a large bit of the Lover era and Taylor's thoughts while making the album. The clip in that documentary where she discusses how this is really her last opportunity to do something big in music is so emotional to watch. Reason 1 is that it is a hard headspace to be in. Reason 2 is that it was the furthest thing from the truth. Seeing the shift in her stardom from then to now literally makes me emotional you guys. She had no idea what was going to happen for her. Don't get me wrong, she was already insanely successful, but things are so different for her now.

There is a lot of discourse about how reputation is the real Lover, and Lover is the anxiety that comes with being in love. Some have also said it is wearing the rose colored glasses and being blinded by love. Either way, it is a beautiful album that I will ride at dawn for.

It has a mix of everything... mushy love songs like Lover and Cornelia Street, songs with empowerment like The Man and You Need to Calm Down... self love with Me! and the deepest song being Soon You'll Get Better.

Soon You'll Get Better is a song that means so much to me. My Mom was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer when I was 19 and lost her when I was 22.For me, it was the song that got me through it. The song that encapsulates the helplessness of seeing someone you love be so sick but desperate to do everything and anything to have them get better. It goes back and fourth between denial, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

Denial: I'll just pretend it isn't real. I know delusion when I see it in the mirror. Anger: And I hate to make this all about me. But who am I supposed to talk to? What am I supposed to do, If there's no you? Bargaining: Holy orange bottles, each night I pray to you Desperate people find faith, so now I pray to Jesus too Depression: In doctor's-office-lighting, I didn't tell you I was scared Acceptance: This won't go back to normal, if it ever was It's been years of hoping, and I keep saying it because, Cause I have to

It is something you don't understand until it happens to you. I am heartbroken for anyone who understands while simultaneously being thankful I have someone who understands. It helps me to not feel so alone and I've never heard a song like it.

Here are my rankings for the album, Lover (Taylor's first fully owned album!!!)

Cornelia Street, Soon You'll Get Better (don't make me choose) Daylight Lover Cruel Summer Death By A Thousand Cuts Paper Rings Me! The Man London Boy You Need to Calm Down The Archer False God Miss Americana and The Heartbreak Prince Afterglow I Forgot That You Existed I Think He Knows It's Nice To Have a Friend

My favorite Lover Era Moments:

she's so real for this

one of my favorite performances

Here is the link to the beautiful framed print: I have a ton of these in my house. I print them at walgreens and put them in a frame! I get tons of compliments on them.

Here is a direct link to the storefront:

Here is a link to the lover live from paris vinyl costers:

Here is the direct link to the storefront:

@taylorswift @taylornation

[semthescientist]

i’ve noticed with being on law of assumption twitter that there’s this running theme of condemning people and calling them lazy because they aren’t always balls deep in affirming or some other method. obviously, i know that to be false because people are trying in every way to get their manifestations so that seems more like dedication on their part but that’s besides the point.

i really find it distasteful that being human seems to be so demonized. if you aren’t crying through your affirmations or brushing something off then you don’t want your shit bad enough. self-concept gets talked about like it’s the big bad wolf, and with all the discourse i see it’s obvious people are responding to different parts of a conversation just to have something to talk about.

manifestation is identity selection. manifesting is not affirming, it’s not sats, it’s not 10k challenges—it’s just identity selection. when one is doing any method or technique but still accepting that they are the opposite, all of their work is in vain. doesn’t matter how you chop, flip, or screw it—you cannot get something you think is above you and if you do get it, maintaining longevity will prove to be difficult. like if you believe the 8th floor is the only one to exist, you’ll never see past it, you wouldn’t dare to imagine what the 10th floor looks like.

you are always choosing an identity. i don’t care if you hate self-concept, i don’t care if you don’t want to work on yours. which by the way, is not just telling yourself your beautiful and pretty. only you know what beliefs you hold to your core and sometimes it’s deeper than your looks or your bank account. also, you tossing those old beliefs is not you taking the long route. i used to think that this would somehow make my manifestations take longer but that’s just silly. we all know manifestation is supposed to be fun, but how could it possibly be that way if you’re doubting yourself every moment, stressed, and constantly having breakdowns.

it’s not a way to think you’re broken, you’re not fixing anything. you’re merely taking off that costume. all those shitty and negative beliefs that say you can’t have something, do something, be something are the things you’re discarding. self-concept isn’t some new-age thing either, it’s really how you view yourself and i’m telling you, you can’t get something you think you truly aren’t worthy of having. you can’t maintain it. and please tell me, what is so wrong about looking yourself dead in the eye every morning and telling yourself that you can have absolutely anyone or anything, that nothing is impossible to you, that you’re a gift and it’s obvious?

manifestation is natural. it’s the way life works. every single moment of every single day you are choosing an identity, and you always have the free will to select which identity you’d like. everything good in life is simple. you are totally allowed to just decide right now, in this very moment that you are a blessing, that you are proof that angels exist. you are totally allowed to decide that every aspect of your life is perfectly ideal, harmonious, and blissful. you are totally allowed to decide that money grows on trees for you. you are totally allowed to just decide that you have a top-shelf self concept.

techniques and methods are here to remind you of what already is true, and sometimes we forget that. but again, everything good in life is simple so it doesn’t hurt to remind yourself that what you want is already present within you and that is why you have it. all it takes is a bit of redirection. i also suggest doing that when limiting beliefs rear their heads. i like to do it this way so i’m not just slapping an affirmation over something that’s really bothering me.

identify the belief, tell yourself why it’s not true, then create an affirmation that directly cancels the limiting belief out.

i feel like the person i want would never choose me -> this isn’t true because i’m me, i am a good thing. i am a wonderful thing. i’m as good as it fucking gets, anybody would be blessed to have me, including them -> i was born chosen, i was born loved, i was born worthy and it’s so goddamn obvious. any man/woman would want me.

or

i’m kind of worried because i don’t know if the money will come back -> this isn’t true because i’m wealth itself, how the fuck could i lack something that comes from me? -> money grows on trees for me, it falls out of the sky. there has been and will always be an ample supply of the things i want.

or

i feel like if i don’t affirm or do my technique i won’t get my manifestation -> this isn’t true because the reason why i have what i want is because i am deciding. it’s true because i’ve decided so, it’s not true because i’ve said affirmations 100 times. my word is law and if i say it’s mine then there’s nothing that can tell me otherwise -> i can be calm confident and know that what i want is done. i am the God of my reality and my desire for something alone will bring it to me.

you get the idea, just talk to yourself or journal it out. only you know what beliefs are really nagging at you and when things are just fleeting thoughts, so only address what you feel is necessary. anywho, i simply wanted to make this because i’m not a fan of the blind leading the blind. you’re not lazy, you’re not doing anything wrong, and you’re not missing anything. you were simply misguided. also, remember, if it doesn’t sit right with you then reject it mentally!

love you byeeeeeee

[beesfairlyland]

Hi honey! May I ask your opinion about this post?

https://www.tumblr.com/4dkellyreblogs/727000092676128768/mysticc-i-need-your-help-im-a-17-years-old

I’m sorry it might be a bit long, please ignore me if you don’t want to read it!

Personally, I agree with her opinion. But since lots of bloggers are speaking aggressively against loa, I’m not sure if it’s the right way to look at it.

Hii cutie!!💗

Damnn that was long... Anyways i read it and yeah you do you.

She's kinda correct but there's actually no creator here....no one Manifesting anything. No Reality. All just Illusion. The only Reality is just YOU.

There's literally nothing happening rn it's all just picture placed over another picture in continuity. That makes everything appear as seemingly moving reality.

And the blogger speaking about loa agressively as far as ik is because....ppl who actually don't know much about non dualism have started their blog... teaching ppl about something in what they are themselves naive. Ofc you do you but that can mislead ppl into thinking that nd is some method to get something. Their core understanding is of loa and they kinda mix up loa and nd .... making it sound like some failed science experiment.

Ofc follow whatever you wanna follow but it's your responsibility if you are posting your opinions online.

I was talking to @illusionaurie about it and she said:

"ND is not a method to get desires or manifest. It has nothing to do with manifestation or shifting. There is no manifestation or creation. What is being “created” or “manifested” when everything already just IS. It’s like saying you must create eyes when your eyes are already just there. ND is merely a pointer concept to “who/what” you are. The only similarity between ND, Law of assumption and shifting is that they are all just empty concepts and appearances like everything else. That’s why most “ “ bloggers have “no concepts” in their bio. Also there is nothing to believe in, because who is “believing” and in what? What is a belief actually? Nothing 🤷‍♀️ Baseless and empty just like everything else, everything is nothing. Nothing is as it seems.

And what is faith? You’re not a human who needs to have faith in thinking they are God. There is no human. No faith. No creation. Your very “nature/being” is “God”. God / THAT / Awareness whatever you want to call it is all that there is."

" "Everything” just IS. As for the I guess main point of her answer: “The main objective is: freedom from a false sense of self-identification.” I see what she is saying, but it’s more recognising that you never were a human being. What is there to dis-identify with when it doesn’t exist. Merely the subtle noticing that it never was, “everything” is just nothing. And what she said about ND being a “lifestyle of living” I don’t really understand because it’s just a pointer concept to your “true being/nature”, whether your lifestyle is of one as a monk in the mountains or billionaire CEO that goes golfing every Monday it doesn’t matter. And I saw something of needing to disbelieve but who is believing and what is a belief really? And who is understanding? What is there to understand? There’s no desires, no manifestation, no faith, no creation. “ “ just is."

In the end it all boils down to nothing. All this knowledge we are gaining....the books we are reading it's all of no use.

You can only EXPERIENCE THAT!