#there’s no normal queer discourse it’s all from dumbasses

[saitamastamaticsoup]

!!! Literally unhinged to watch what was essentially Terfgate( a lot of them have admired that ace discourse is what radicalized them to be like actually trans people are liars too) completely erase ace culture. Like hearing the word asexual from people who are not makes me immediately want to disengage from the conversation completely. Like a lot of people don’t even know what the original asexual flag looks like, or what an ace ring is. It’s incredibly crazy to watch this evolve over the years,,, bc then IMMEDIATELY after, pansexual people didn’t exist and that was bisexual erasure, then you can’t be trans without dysphoria, and now bisexual people can be “ straight passing”  and real life people are queer baiting because they’re not disclosing their sexuality explicitly to people who they don’t know. It’s literally white supremacy and terfs behind all of it every single time if you look. They are one and the same

I don't think younger/newer users fully grasp the shit show that ace discourse was around 2014-17

It was so hostile that, to this day, discussions that begin to derail just enough can make me physically nauseous, some specific mockery trigger crying sessions years later. We lost most accounts with any sort of ace positivity. There was no information, no support, and all this damage was done predominantly by other queer people.

All this to say that you, however you identify yourself, should be engaging with aphobic comments the same way you do any hate. We don't sugarcoat or try to be comprehensive with people who are blatantly racist, homophobic or terfs, so why give it a pass just because it's coming from a queer person? I see how this tolerance goes and it's done enough damage as it is.

[welcome-to-the-holonet]

Wait! Hold on!

The instrument you pick in band says things about your personality?? I was never in band so this is a foreign concept to me, explain!

And this is probably all satire but i’m fascinated and enjoying the discourse.

It absolutely says something (although it might be different in different bands but I’m going by my high school marching band)

Flute/piccolo: the calm kids, more laid back, a lot of which are very smart. They are frequently all girls. The flutes also normally have one super chaotic kid

Clarinet: they’re super chill. Not calm like flutes but not completely crazy. They definitely have dumbass energy but it’s a more casual dumbass energy then some of the other sections

Saxophone (alto and tenor): chaotic dumbass. Like half of them have a couple songs (normally a specific part of said song) that they are constantly playing and everyone is done with it. Can sometimes be a problem because they can get a bit distracted and miss stuff. Like half of them are neurodivergent. Then this last bit might just be the sax section from my school, but most of them are queer

Saxophone (baritone): can either be grouped in with the saxophones or they can be the types who are mostly just there to hang out and don’t care too much. If they have they’re own little thing they’re probably late a lot because they’ve realized there’s not much the teacher can do when there’s so few of them if they all act like that.

High brass (trumpet and mellophone): everyone in that section is either one of the most annoying crazy people or is extremely well behaved. There’s no in between

Low brass (trombone, baritone, and Tuba): basically a cult. They want to recruit more people to low brass. They are also constantly doing weird random stuff, like you’ll just see when of them standing in the water playing a trombone, or a line of them with their arms over each other’s shoulders chanting the abcs

Drumline: the ‘cool kids’ or at least think they are. They audition to be on drumline instead of automatically getting in the section so this reenforces that opinion. They’re fairly funny and mostly nice tho

Pit/front ensemble: a combo of the like two or three upper class men who are on bass guitar or the kid that stayed to be put section leader and the freshman and sometimes sophomores who didn’t make drumline

Drum majors: good leaders, well behaved, and some of the teachers favorites (but not the teachers pets people don’t really like)

Color guard: most of them have a superiority complex and think they’re better then the band kids (some are nice tho). They are mostly nice until you find out they do stuff like have a point system for who accidentally hit the most band members with flags. Normally have one or two guys who are probably gay

[intersex-ionality]

I’m honestly very confused by the anne frank discourse because I’d heard mentions for years that she might have been bisexual but I’d never seen such vitriolic pushback against it until now and I’m struggling to understand why. I understand that some people have been shitty and/or tactless about it, but the pushback still seems way out of proportion to me

It was her 90th birthday recently, and a lot of queer gentiles misunderstood Anne’s very reasonable decision to protect her own safety by hiding her queerness.

I mean, look at it from her perspective: in the very very real possibility that she and her family were found and put in the camps, she would at least have a realistic chance of being put in the Jewish camps with the rest of her (female and similarly aged) family and not shunted off to the asocials camp.

The reasons for her self-censorship are quite obvious if you’re a Jew. But, to gentiles, they can be quite odd. A lot of people misunderstood what happened, and thought that the censorship was performed by her father, and was an attempt to erase her queer emotions and experiences, rather than a simple act of self-protection. (Edit 1: Please read the correction linked at the bottom of this post.)

So, some well meaning but very fucking dumb gentiles made some very hurtful and hateful comments about Anne’s father. (Edit 1: comments about Anne’s father are still inappropriate, but comments about school systems and other publication systems denying access to uncensored books are very fucking valid critiques)

Most of these Gentiles were in the US, because, shockingly, queer gentiles in Europe have a pretty remarkably different and more thorough understanding of the impacts of the holocaust because they have a much more personal relationship with the holocaust.

Most queer Jews who stepped in at this point tried to explain in a normal fucking manner without engaging in blatant holocaust denial, that they were being antisemitic shitheads and also just kind of stupid.

However, a small but vibrant and uncomfortably well respected section of tumblr’s own Jewish community decided to take the opportunity to engage in some pretty blatant, reactionary historical revision at this point.

To be fair, most of them were probably reeling, because there’s a very real, very shocking horror that comes from realizing how Gentiles just don’t usually have to consider the safety implications of intersecting identities and Judaism under Nazi rule. Because, of course, if you don’t have an intersecting identity, it’s easy to forget that people do.

To be frank, cis+straight+etc Jews are often dumbasses about the impacts of the Holocaust on Queer people as well. The same is true for able queers and Jews as regards the impacts of the Nazis on disability and medicine. That’s the problem with forgetting intersectional theory.

Being in the midst of a full blown PTSD episode, however, doesn’t really excuse just deciding to rewrite the Holocaust to fit your narrative, so my sympathy pretty much ends there.

But, anyway, that’s why this all is happening. Because it was Anne Frank’s 90th birthday. Not because the news of her experiencing girl-girl attraction is new or anything.

ETA (June 16, 2019, 5AM): There’s a long fuckin’ correction to this post, and you can find it here. https://intersex-ionality.tumblr.com/post/185627002619/im-honestly-very-confused-by-the-anne-frank

The overall gist of it is accurate, in terms of the reason for this discourse happening (Anne’s 90th birthday, some dumb shit said by gentiles, opportunistic desire to revise history to serve a political narrative, etc), but I fucked up some shit in a big way re some basic facts about the Anne Frank diary, and it’s messy.

[nightcoremoon]

Callout post: me

lying, manipulative, hold grudges, constantly paranoid, would absolutely 100% check out a teenager if nobody was looking because "it's a harmless crime", liar, cycle through idealization and devaluation, 'sick of fat people trying to be the next civil rights issue and making it that much harder to get civil rights for people who are ACTUALLY oppressed like gee idk poc and muslims and the mentally ill and queer people', frequently fantasizes about committing violent acts against people I rationalize they deserve it including family members, untruthful, attention whore, pedantic AND pretentious, tells lies, doesn't believe in one sister's claim of sexual assault (went to smoke weed with the alleged perpetrator), UNAPOLOGETICALLY AGAINST ASEXUAL EXCLUSIONISM (LITERALLY FUCK YOU DUMBASS FOURTEEN YEAR OLDS WHO SHRIEK THAT QUEER IS A SLUR, SHUT YOUR GODDAM FUCKING WHORE MOUTHS YOU DUMBASSES AND GO THE FUCK OUTSIDE OR READ A BOOK), would absolutely punch a child over an insignificant internet argument, secretly sought out sexual pleasure from two friendly seemingly platonic encounters with two girls I just met within twenty four hours, overreacts to the slightest provocations and has bitches at or vagueposted at several people who did not deserve it, has used mental illness and physical handicap to evade trouble from being late for work because video games and laziness and excessive sleep, has spent maybe a thousand dollars on fast food in 2018 alone, evades bills for medical care from an actually great clinic, lying sack of garbage, gave up on calling out family's bigotry and is now an accessory to prejudice, despises terfs predominantly for their refusal to fuck me because of being trans and yet meanwhile would not engage in sexual relationship with another trans woman or cis man unless reeeeeeeeally drunk, can and will blame being sexually assaulted as a child which probably didn't even happen because I don't think I remember it, unabashed furry, probably as addicted to video games and masturbation AND LIES as I almost was to alcohol, pretended to have almost been an alcoholic just to "win" facebook arguments about addiction, doesn't give a fuck my dad almost died from heroin JUST because he's a *little* homophobic and racist and classist and xenophobic because of a christian upbringing, would literally fucking murder him if he EVER PUTS HIS HANDS ON ME AGAIN, only slightly depressed because of laziness and a lack of drive and ungrateful to my family because hey they didn't kick me out for being trans so HEY THATS SUPPORTIVE ENOUGH FOR SOME OTHER PEOPLE SO WHY CANT I BE HAPPY WITH THAT, legitimately salty about ~the friendzone~ and just makes fun of incels because everybody else does, takes the moral high ground for not being a misogynist even though I don't deserve a pat on the back a lap dance and a blowjob for not hating women, overly sensitive about stupid things, thinking about faking having a trigger warning for more discourse credit, HUUUGE ASSHOLE to men I deem unattractive for no other reason than every single ugly fat guy I've ever met has been an asshole, rationalizes it after the fact because they eventually say something shitty because all men are terrible, probably a little bit of a cisnormative misandrist because trans men tend to be much better people, finds trans men attractive (specifically and significantly more so than cis men) so must clearly be fetishizing them, relatively okay with people referring to me as deadnamed and the wrong pronouns so probably just lying about being trans to everyone including myself, not 100% okay with the hijab for 'no reason other than all organized religion is evil and opposed to its mandate and the shame it forces on many women in many situations the exact same way I'm opposed to no sex before marriage and wives being subservient to their husbands and treating women as property in the torah and quran alike because ITS ALL BRAINWASHING' so is clearly not unlearning islamophobia and doesn't want to let that go, hypocrite because I believe in the basics of judeochristianity

and loathe atheism and atheists entirely because their smugness and smarm literally sets my blood pressure through the roof of what is safe and normal and yet claim to hate all organized religion, mansplains yet gets so pissed off when other people mansplain to me, judgmental of other cultures because they don't have the exact same values that I have, james gunn apologist, talks and talks and talks about anarchosocialism all damn day but would beat the shit out of a coworker for leaving me to do things because they're lazy because "any job worth doing is worth doing well" and other capitalismisms, literally couldn't give less of a fuck that his mother is dying because people die but it's no reason to make my life slightly harder and making me work hard when I work because BOO HOO MY LEGS HURT FROM THE LITERALLY MOST MILD CASE OF MUSCULAR DYSTROPHY I COULD'VE BEEN BORN WITH, hasn't actually performed real suicide attempt ever but still claims to have done so to attain sympathy that may result in physical affection, countless other shitty terrible things that yeah I recognize are bad but CANT SEEM TO CARE BECAUSE I HAVE DEPRESSION... WHICH IS THE WEAKEST FUCKING EXCUSE IN THE WHOLE ENTIRE GODDAMN WORLD

I am not a good person, okay?

I just pretend to be sometimes.

I'm sick of doing it, I'm sick of trying to do well and earn people's approval by doing and saying the right things only to just be ignored which is a step up from receiving many anons that hey, never actually told me to kill myself, but did take my words out of context to paint me as a racist. I am not the kind of racist who would vote for trump and march with the kkk. that is one of very few good things I can say about myself. but I'm an arrogant, violent, and angry opinionated perverted manipulative judgmental lying asshole. I'm not a good person. I have let myself fall so much and I deserve to be alone. my only connections to people were built on personal gain and I swear to myself that I do love them but those feelings fall away in direct correlation to how much they interact with me. I could love you to the point of obsession and stalking and one month later be completely and totally disinterested. I'm a bigot who pretends to not be bigoted and just parrots what other people say not because I believe it but because it's the right thing to say, and I only say what the right thing is to say because whenever I say a good thing something good will happen to me and if I say a bad thing something bad happens to me. it's all just self preservation, nothing else at all. but now I'm at the end of a road of just trying to do good and I'm alone. out of the only two friends that I can really say that I have left, one is far away and trapped in a guilt spiral that I caused by being too clingy, and the other has been behaving in a way my mind has decoded as defensive around me which makes sense as I have been very... the best way to describe it would be the way a dudebro incel interacts with any person who possesses a vagina/breasts but sneakier. in both relationships I've pushed my own wants and desires in extremis... I can't for the life of me recall the last time I have ever offered something in return other than my own company or paying for a meal at a restaurant or I guess transportation. and instead of sex I just want them to express even the slightest bit of intimate platonic physical affection towards me but that's still a lot to offer someone who has clearly expressed the existence of a sexual and maybe something near the realms of romantic in one of the cases physical attraction because for this aspec it's practically the same fucking thing.

and I've manipulated them to attain this goal. at this point my shit brain has considered just fucking going to town on my wrists with a razor blade to draw sympathy so that I'll get a hug or something beyond just a simply hello/goodbye, and finding a way to induce tears to concoct a sob story to reach the same end result, and one time very briefly via threat and intimidation so you can clearly see that I've gone far too into irredeemable territory. I've been playing and replaying cry of fear because it's just too similar to my own issues and the first ending where he just kills everyone he loves and then himself... I see me in that ending. and it scares me so much more than the sprinting screaming twitching one hit kill chainsaw guy ever will. I don't want that to be me, I want to change something, but I just can't get the help that I need. I had hoped to go for a domino effect, where if I could be cuddled for like five minutes or something, I'd have the energy to be more hygienic, which would make me feel capable enough to take on two jobs, which would get me the cash flow I need to pay my bills and take care of my hormones, which would put me in the headspace necessary to effectively use psychological help, which would let me get over my illnesses and actually become a more successful person instead of the pathetic husk I am here in non-fantasy land.

but that won't happen.

I'm just sitting here in the dark angsting about how nobody will touch me in a way that would produce oxytocin, and it's making me so sick, so physically sick, that it's affecting my brain too. I'm in pain, nauseous, vengeful, spiteful, paranoid, judgmental, and lonely. I'm stuck and I can't even kill myself because my mind wants me to stay alive and suffer through all of this because "oh it gets better" people have been saying that for well over half of my life. I was six or seven years old when I asked my mother to kill me, and that same level of desperation and bitterness has only gotten worse as time goes by. when does it get better? I'll tell you when it gets better, after I'm in prison or comatose or forty five years old with a cane and bad eyes and high blood pressure and lung cancer from all the secondhand smoke I've breathed in my life. when my life is over, that's when it gets better. I DONT WANT THAT. I WANT A NORMAL FUCKING LIFE RIGHT NOW. I WANT NORMAL FRIENDSHIPS AND A NORMAL HOME AND A NORMAL EDUCATION AND A NORMAL CAREER AND A NORMAL FAMILY. or at least I want someone to hold me and make me feel like I'm not so horrible and broken that I can't be touched.

but that's too much to ask for.