#there’s like. no other choice for me. it’s her. gotta be.
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alientee · 23 hours ago
Text
Shimmer Head
Ekko x reader
6k+ words
Fem reeader
Hazbin hotel Easter egg included. Addicted song describes reader.
Warning: suicidal thoughts and actions, drug use not by choice though.
Im sorry it took so long yall I’ve been crocheting blankets for Christmas and life has been lifting with work
You were an anomaly, or at least that’s what Silco called you. Apparently he saved you at birth; one calm walk through Zaun's lanes, and your mom was an overdosing shimmer head who was getting her last fix before she pushed you out. You survived. This was something Silco never thought possible; even when you looked like a shivering, whining skeleton, you were strong, a survivor, and from that day on, you were his daughter.
As life went on, you got stronger, faster, and a little more insane; your eyes changed, looking like a wild mix of two different colors. You changed so much it confused you every day to see yourself. How the voices in your head would go from telling you to slaughter everyone to offing yourself.
Silco had you microdosed with shimmer ever since you were a newborn till now, and you handled it each and every time. You were his creation, his wild card. Even as a child, he had you by his side with torture, robbing, and meetings. You’ve done it all. There were days the voices really did get to you; sometimes it was better to hurt yourself rather than to crash. You can remember the times Silco had to stop you from hurting him and yourself. The scars on your arms, the bloodstains left on your clothes, the burn scars from throwing bone down without any care, ready to give it all up. Either you survived, or Silco was just in time.
So when you first met Jinx, your first thoughts were, This poor kid, she’s just a dreamer.
But she followed you around everywhere, calling you sis, saying she’d never leave your side, she’d never leave you no matter what. Not like her sister did. You didn’t believe her; how could you? No one but Silco ever saw you; he’s the only one that loved you.
Until she followed you to a club one night.
You spin around in the chair, listening to the grungy punk music, drunk, horny prowlers, angry wannabes, and goofy dancers mixing into the crowd. You sit in your chair in the corner of the club, drink in one hand, revolver in the other. One bullet, one drink—it was all a game to you. The gun clicked three times, and you took three shots before it was snatched from your hand. And lo and behold, it was your new shadow coming to ruin the fun.
“Hey, what gives, Blue Jay!”
“How are you going to be the big shot legacy Silco says if you're dead, dumbass!”
“It’s none of your business!”
“We’re family now, so yeah, you are!”
“You going to love me even if I try to kill Silco in his sleep?”
“I’d still love you even if you killed me with him.”
Family, huh?
“Fine.”
For the first time you didn’t take your game too far, or get fucked up and pass out behind the bar; you didn’t even have a mental breakdown.
At least the voices got quiet for a while.
After a while you started to think of Jinx as a sister. Someone you could confide in, someone who gets you. Was Silco the best dad? Nah, but he was all you had. Now you know he had Jinx too. You thought everything was ok; you could be happy with your found family; even if you were broken, you still had people to fix you up, so everything was fine.
At least you genuinely believed everything was alright.
Until Jinx’s actual sister showed up, calling her Powder, the hugging, the crying, the family reunion was cute. You haven’t seen Jinx this vulnerable in a while. Everything was calm until some Piltie came out, and then the moment was gone. Jinx threatens the redhead with the gun, and boom, the Firelights had you all surrounded.
“Jinx, if you want your sister back, you gotta be smart about this.” The silence you got back let her know she was thinking up something stupid.
Smoke and ash covered the air, bullets flying and fighting at every turn. The firebugs just didn’t know when to quit, always trying to get into business that isn’t theirs. It was fun knocking them off their boards every once in a while. You’ve faced them before with Jinx killed a couple of times; you didn’t kill any of them, though. Never had the guts to really kill innocent people; you didn’t want to know what the voices would say if you did. You didn’t want to lose yourself all the way.
As always, Jinx is shooting bullets every which way in the sky, which wasn’t bad, but using bombs to blow up the platform is very bad. Your body hurt, your ears were ringing, and you could barely breathe. You tried calling out for Jinx but got no answer. You finally dragged yourself up; you can see some fire bugs down, but you couldn’t see Jinx. Couldn’t see her sister. Didn’t even see the body lying dead somewhere.
Huh, you were all alone.
Then it dawned on you: Jinx did it on purpose. She really was a genius, truly. She blew up the platform, making a distraction; a lot of people were down and out. Nobody could see what was happening; some too injured to chase.
Looks like she could only carry her sister to safety, though.
You’ll never leave me no matter what, huh?
Hehehehehe, yeah right!
You could finally breathe again and got the strength to stand up. It was all just so funny, really.
Bunch of bullshit hahahahaha
You didn’t notice anything going on around you, the shuffling of people standing; you didn’t feel all the cautious eyes on you. Not that you cared; all you cared about were the voices screaming at you so loud you could swear your ears were bleeding.
Walking towards the edge of the platform is easy. Turning around and giving a mock salute to the firelights with a smile on your face was easy. But dropping to your death knowing the last thing playing in your headphones was your and Jinx's song, it fucking burned every lyric you tried to sing just turned to ash in your mouth.
But at least now the voices would stop forever. The air rushed through your ears and then nothing.
Out like a light
You woke up in an eerily dark room; honestly, it was predictable. Down to the moldy smell, the silence, and the creepy guy in the corner with a mask. And you honestly should’ve been more mad at yourself for getting saved; you couldn’t even die in peace!
“Why am I alive, dammit!”
The silence was so annoying; there’s no need to try and be intimidating. You’ve seen worse. You hate people who try those tactics; you can’t torture someone who’s already tortured every day. Geez, just kill them if they don’t tell you what you want.
“Look, I’m not going to tell you shit, so just kill me already!”
And then the mask comes off. You don’t know him, but you knew him, apparently jinx’s past. The boy savior, she calls him; he looks just like she said he would. You also remember what she told you about him. “Better watch out; the boy savior likes to think he can save everybody.”
Ok, you can deal with a wannabe hero.
“Your on shimmer. You are an addict; Slico has you do his dirty work, and he gives you your next fix. Am I right?”
You’re really fucking wrong. Scratch that; you didn’t want to deal with the wannabe hero.
“So how about you tell me what I need to know, and you get to lay low somewhere secret and get off that shit before you try and die again while Silco just replaces you?”
The voices started to get louder, your throat tight and blood dripping from your palms for how tight you started to squeeze them. His words were like acid on your skin. Just who did this asshole think he was?
“First of all, dipshit, I’m his daughter! Ok, not some random street rat shimmer head he feeds. Second of all, shimmer makes people stronger. I should know; came right out of my druggie mom, still living and breathing, full of shimmer! I’ve been injected with it since Silco adopted me! He says I’m perfect; he says I'm his legacy. I don’t do his dirty work; I help him make Zaun better! So you're dead fucking wrong, wannabe!”
Now he’s looking at you like you’re crazy…. And you're used to that.
“This is better? Our people are dying all around us. Kids are abandoned! People are sick and starving. How is this better?”
“Blame Piltover! Duh!”
“It’s Piltover. And Silco, are you crazy??!!”
That word. It always did something to you. You didn’t care when people looked at you like you were... but calling you crazy? Different story. Something that made all the voices laugh, an itch in your brain that told you to break, hurt, destroy, kill, and show them your insane.
“FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU! Hahahahahahahahaha. All of Piltover and Zaun is going to burn you, and your fucking bugs are going to be ash! I’m not crazy. I’m perfect. I’m perfect he said”—
Your music!?! Where were your headphones?!!?
You were so numb, in a really dark place, you never fully remembered how your episodes went. When that singed guy injected you with your first microdose of shimmer, all you remembered was the screaming and Silco whispering how proud he was. But Ekko would remember it all even in his dreams. How you banged your head against the pole you were tied against over and over again. Crying tears of shimmer while laughing hysterically until blood dripped on the side of your head. Only to end up sobbing.
The voices screamed and screamed and screamed. Until they stopped, they never just stopped without music or silco. And you never had this heavy feeling over your ears without your headphones.
Oh, it’s this Ekko guy. What is he doing? Why is he holding his hands over your face? Why is he looking at you like that?
“I’m sorry. You’re not crazy. I promise, okay? Breath for me nice and slow.”
This was nice: everything quiet, everything nice and warm. This is new, huh?
“Hey!? Wai”—
Out like a light again
“She’s a danger to the base!”
“We can help her. She’s not like Jinx! She’s the product of a bad situation. She’s not with Silco because she wants to be; it’s because it’s all she knows.”
“She’s a mess; keeping her here is like bringing bullshit to our door!”
“He’s been injecting her with shimmer since she was an infant! We can’t kick her out!”
“Can y'all shut up sleeping here?”
Bat Guy and Ekko just stared at you.
“Look, I don’t care what you do to me; can I just have my damn headphones? The voices, ya know, they’re telling me to escape and kill everyone here. Soooooo, my earphones, pretty please.”
The boy wonder hands them over and puts them over your ears. And even with no music playing, everything feels peaceful. The whole time, he and Bat Boy are still going back and forth; this time you couldn’t hear it, though. Finally you get silence, if only for a moment. You almost bit Ekko when he moved one of them back off.
“Look, let’s compromise: you get a little freedom, supervised. And we get one shimmer shipment location… not the factory, just the shipment.”
“No bullshit babysitters; it’s you or nothing.”
“...fine.”
You could’ve told him to fuck off and die. Make him eat his sappy little words. But after the way he held your ears, he looked like a kicked puppy for making you freak out. How softly he said sorry. It was different; it was new. You didn’t do soft, not that much.Silco always told you to play your enemies, so maybe giving a little bait wouldn’t be too bad.
“Fine, boy wonder, I’ll give you a shipment that’s all.”
“Thank you.”
There he goes, looking at you like that again.
Like some kind of puppy. What a sucker.
Ekko took you outside, but you didn’t want to socialize, so he kept you both at a good distance from the others. While taking you out of the base, you didn’t want to look at anyone. If you saw any leering faces and judging eyes, you knew you’d lash out.
Oddly enough, you didn’t want to smack the fuck out of Ekko's face. Maybe a little bit, not a lot. You didn’t know what it was, but Ekko was calming; his presence was like a warmth in the dark murk of Zaun. You didn’t understand how he could be so... normal with all of this around him.
Maybe it was the fact that he actually took you out of the hideout and onto a roof to look over Piltover. You could’ve knocked him out, taken his board, and run. Why is he so stupidly trusting? “How do you do it?” He raises an eyebrow. “Do what?” You raise one back “Be so happy-go-lucky when we live in a place like Zaun.” That made him stop his steps, and he looks serious; you haven’t seen him unless he’s talking about shipments.
“I have to make a change for the people who can’t help themselves; I want to give people something to live for; the firelight is my way of doing that.”
And there he goes again, making your mind feel funny again. It sounds like he means it; everything Ekko says always sounds genuine, but somehow you can’t bring yourself to believe him.
“Alright then, help me by teaching me how to ride one of those hoverboard things.” Ekko’s eyes get wide, and his mouth even opens a little. “You want to learn? I’ve been trying to get you to do that for a week. What changed?” You didn’t want to let him know the real reason, so you decided to play it off.
“Just thought I could kick your butt at something, boy wonder,” he scoffed. You knew he hated the nickname; it was too fun teasing him to stop, though.
“Alright, alright. If you’re so confident, then I’ll teach you. But don’t say I didn’t warn you when you end up falling off a few times.”
“I’ll be a pro; just you wait and see.”
You were in fact not a pro. Your knees were scuffed, and the dirt on your clothes was a testament to just how many times you hit the dirt. “Sorry this is taking so long; I feel fucking stupid.” Ekko grabs your hands and pulls you up, grabbing the board. “Don’t; it takes everyone a minute to learn this is no different. How do you think I feel? I made it; I had to test it and fall a lot.” You give him a nod, deciding to take the board back with a little more confidence this time. “What a boy genius you are,” you got a snort in return.
“Now, remember, hoverboards are pretty sensitive. You have to find your balance and keep it steady. And be careful not to lean too far to one side or the other, or you’ll tip over.” Ekko watches you carefully as you mount the hoverboard, his arms crossed over his chest. The hoverboard begins to move forward as you lean, slowly at first, but steadily gaining speed.
You could hear Ekko yelling behind you, “There you go, you’re doing great! Just keep your balance and focus on the path ahead.”
“What about turns!? What if I fall??”
“Don’t worry; I’ll be right here to catch you if you fall.”
You got the hang of it after a while; you both went back to the base riding your hoverboard and even racing some of the kids. It was a good time, no responsibilities, no expectations. It still hurt you; there was no Silco, but at least you had distractions.
Ekko seemed to show up when he wasn’t asked; it’s like he knew when to butt into people's business.
He was there during your worst moments of loneliness. When the darkness was too much, when the voices kept repeating the insults louder and crueler. Telling you to kill yourself, that you're nothing, worthless, not good enough, burn the firelight base to the ground, and watch everyone around you die. You’ll only end up alone anyway. The smell of ash and blood, you could remember it by heart. Tears pouring out of your eyes continuously, you didn’t even sob. You had nothing to be sad about in the moment. You just naturally cried, and all you could do was scream, hoping I’d stop. Sitting in the dark waiting for it all to end. Thinking, hoping that just maybe one day you’d be blessed enough not to wake up.
It wasn’t until you felt Ekko's heavy gloves on your shoulder. Asking if you were ok, if you needed anything, if you needed him. Looking at you like you're the only thing that mattered in the moment. Moving to sit next to you, his shoulder lightly touching yours. “You don’t have to talk; just know I’m right here with you. I’m not going anywhere.” Those days were hard, but it always felt nice to have Ekko lying on the floor next to you, no words, just his company.
He even let you into his little workshop. His words: “You don’t have to knock. If you need me, just come in” You’d hand him his tools and use all the knowledge you had on tech to help. You used to make a lot of trinkets that helped your day-to-day life. You didn’t like to make weapons like Jinx, but you could make a mean bomb. You’ve even fallen asleep to his tinkering and his little nerd-out moments. “You're such a dork.” He wouldn’t even take his eyes off his invention.
“Shush if you're not going to help.”
“Touchy touchy. Here, let me look, boy genius.” When you actually put in effort to help him, he’d look at you from the side of his eye, and you’d pretend like you didn’t notice the small smile creeping up on his face. Sitting by his side until late at night, making new things to help out in the base. Both your giggles and the metal clanking were the only things heard at 3 am.
And that’s how it was for a month. Ekko is coming in, trying to coax you into giving up Silco; you give him a little info, and he folds and gives you what you want for the day. You had a good thing going. So why’d he want to ruin it now? You were fine seeing the kids; you made small talk with one of the firelight girls, but that’s it. Everyone else you dealt with in passing. So why was Ekko so set on you interacting with more people?
“How about we hang out with the group for a bit?”
“I’m fine; I hate people.”
“Look, I’m just trying to—“
“I don’t need help! I don't need friends! I—I need my dad; I need…. I need to feel in control. It still feels like I’m a fucking prisoner even if you say I’m not.
Ekko doesn’t talk for a minute; you can tell he’s trying to choose his words wisely, his white locs covering his face. “I don’t know what you see in Silco, even if he took you in…. You can’t tell me you truly see the good in what he’s doing.
You didn’t answer him. Afraid you’ll say something you’ll regret by lashing out. He didn’t get it; he didn’t get you! Silco was your dad; Silco helped you ignore the voices; he loved you even if he had a funny way of showing it.
“He’s not the best dad in the world, but he’s my dad. He helped me when I had no one. Doesn’t that count for something?”
Ekko didn’t answer you; it’s like he wanted to argue, but he knew you needed this.
“Just... just give it a chance; you may find your people.”
If he heard your scoff, he didn’t react to it.
I don’t have people; all I have is my dad and myself, even when I don’t love myself.
Ekko’s soft words pulled you out of your thoughts.
“You have me too.”
“Until how long, hmmm, till I run out of information?”
“That’s no—“
“Hey, Ekko, tell me how I survived the day I jumped.”
Ekko went back silent; he was giving you that look again, and you hated it. It’s like he saw everything within you, and it made you feel naked, like you couldn’t hide.
“Oh that… flew down to save you.”
“Why?”
“When you smiled at us before you fell, I thought you were asking for help.”
You giggled at that; only Ekko would think of saving his enemy who tried to off themselves in front of him. “Your something else, Sunflower.”
“Sunflower!? What kind of flower is that? We don’t have those in Zaun.”
“Alright, take me out or whatever it is you want.”
“D-don’t say it like that. Come on, I’ll introduce you to the kids.”
You never knew Zaun could look like this, or even have a tree, and now the name firelights makes sense: nothing but a lush green tree with the fireflies all around it. It’s peaceful, plush; it’s nice. You got a few looks here and there, but it’s fine; ekkos here, and you weren’t forced to hang out with who you didn’t want to.
And that’s how you spent your day bonding with Ekko and even the kids; they weren’t as judgy, and you appreciated it. Even when they had questions, it didn’t feel pointed. “Why do you always wear those things on your head?” your headphones; you never took them off, never could bring yourself to part from the one thing that helps stop the voices, no matter how battered and dingy they are. “They’re headphones. They help me when I’m scared or upset.” “Oooooh, I get it; my mask helps me! Makes me feel stronger!” “Good, use your strength to become the best firelight you can be.”
That’s how the day started and ended: you playing with the kids, running around, playing tag and hide and seek until the night came. The kids gathered around, using common objects around them to make a little band; music brings a lot of the firelights together, and somebody brings an actual scrap-made speaker playing louder music. Some even start to dance. And in this moment you couldn’t help but think maybe Ekko was right; maybe these people were ok.
You grab the overworking leader by the arm and pull him with you. “What is it?”
“Come on, Ekko, let’s dance!”
“Dance?”
“Yeah, you scared boy wonder?“
“Not at all, but um… why?”
“Who doesn’t like dancing!”
That’s when the music hits and nothing else matters. Ekko moves effortlessly, his body flowing in perfect harmony with yours. He keeps you close, his chest pressed against yours as he twirls you around. The world outside seems to fade away, leaving just the two of you in your own little bubble. Your body’s moving in rhythm as the music gets Ekko pulls you closer, one hand resting on your waist while the other takes hold of your hand, spinning you. He begins to sway gently, guiding you in a slow dance. Holding each other’s sides, swaying back and forth. Every minute you got to look in Ekkos's eyes, seeing him smile at you like that did something to you; he really was something else.
You couldn’t let those eyes shake you, though. You knew it was only a matter of time before it all went to hell; no one really gives a damn about you, no one except Silco. But maybe if you were a better daughter, he would’ve found you by now.
Ekko could only look at you in confusion when you walked away from him, away from the gathering. He thought it was a good moment that he was finally getting through to you. But he wasn’t one to push, not when he knew what you’d been through, but he followed you up the stairs to the treehouse.
And when he found you, the silence was heavy but comfortable. That’s how it was with you too, and you’d never say it out loud, but he made you feel safe.
“Do you want to stay here?”
You timidly glanced into his eyes before you took a deep breath. “I don’t know,” you looked away, closing your eyes, trying to stop yourself from getting out of hand. Ekko hummed, leaving more silence in between you both, and then he asked another, “Even if you know Silco loves you, it isn’t healthy.”
You opened your eyes as a bitter taste remained in your mouth. Your face contorted into different expressions as you debated with yourself on whether or not you would share.
“My mother was a shimmer addict; she had me right as she overdosed. And Silco found me; I was different; I survived even with a small, premature body full of shimmer. He said I was unique, that I could change all of Zaun. I believe him. I’ve done a lot of great things… at least I think so. Even if you don’t agree with him, he saved me.
“But you're not okay—
“Don’t tell me what I am! I’m perfect as I am; he said so! I may not be normal, but I am living instead of surviving, Ekko! Can’t you see that?”
“I do. But you know what else I see? I see how happy you are riding your board; I see how sweet you are with the kids, especially when you steal yarn from the top side and crochet stuff for them; I see how you care for Raven when you think she’s not looking by finding her favorite things to surprise her without letting her know it was you; I see how you truly care for the people you're loyal to. You touch people's lives and leave light in your wake. I see how beautiful you are inside and out. You’re your own person, not what Silcos made you! You can do better than what he has you doing.”
“Is that what you’ve come up with in your mind? That I’m just this lost, misguided girl who was groomed to be fucked up? News flash! Boy Wonder, I’m in Zaun. I was going to be fucked up regardless of Silco! Who do you think I am, huh? Don’t act like you know me, 'cause you don’t! Stop trying to change me into something I’m not! I’m not some knockoff version of Jinx you can fix just because I decided to be nice a few times. What?! I’m your little powder passion project. Couldn’t save her, so you’re trying to save me because we both have family, daddy, and abandonment issues?!”
You knew it was a low blow, but even though she left you, you couldn’t help but think about Jinx’s words, taking them to heart, and everything she told you. “He likes to think he can save everyone.”
He narrowed his eyes at your response; you could see him clenching his fist and clenching his teeth. His eyes no longer looking at you with acceptance or worry like you were used to, only irritation
“I wasn’t trying to change her; I thought she was in danger. I didn’t know she went with that piece of shit willingly…. I thought I could save her; I needed to because she was my friend.”
“Ohhhhh, that’s right, you’re the boy savior!”
His eyes went from a glare to cold and lifeless.
“Fuck you. You know nothing; you only know Jinx's pain but not mine. You’re right about one thing, though: you and Jinx are similar. So I don’t know why I was stupid enough to try and help you; just like her, you don’t deserve it.” That just pissed you off more.
“I didn’t ask you to help me! I didn’t ask for you to save me from offing myself! I didn’t ask for you to try and fucking fix me or my life!”
“I’m not trying to change you; I’m trying to give you something better! A chance! Silco didn’t give you a chance; he used you! Your work, a tool! If you survived on shimmer this long since birth, you're proof that his product can lead to something greater than he thought. But it’s at the expense of you and your health.” His voice lowers, his breathing heavy. “Please… tell me you see it. You have to know that keeping you on shimmer as long as he has wasn’t to help you. Only him.”
In the back of your mind you knew; you always knew. And yet the faith he put in you gave your heart love you’ve never felt before. How he always stated he was proud of you, said you were the best thing to happen in his life, that you're his legacy, his daughter. But what was the cost for your heart, suicidal thoughts, breakdowns, nightmares, and dissociation? A mother that never wanted you, a father that loved you but not enough to see your pain, only your potential. “Hey Ekko, thank you. For saving me and making me realize. I don’t want people to end up like me... because I’m not ok.”
“Then let me he“—”. He didn’t get to finish before you pushed back, making him crash into the tree behind him. You jumped from the stairs on the tree; you didn’t care about the fall because it’s the freest you ever felt. You could hear the other fireflies yelling, but the adrenaline and the wind in your ears helped you ignore them. As soon as you fell, you pushed forward, not caring about the pain in your legs and ankles. Grabbing a hoverboard before speeding off and out of the hideout.
When Ekko got up, he didn’t chase you, nor did he call out for you; all he could do was watch. Scar rushed up to him, looking at him expectingly. “She’s going to go back to Silco!? We have to catch her before she rats us out!?” Ekko didn’t react to his words, only looking forward to where you had run. “Ekko!” And when Ekko finally looked at Scar, he just shrugged. “She’ll be back when she’s ready.” “She’s not coming back." Ekko, she’s been waiting for an opportunity to escape, and we let her!”
Ekko just shook his head, picking up something off the ground. “She’ll be back.” “How do you know!?” Ekko moved his hand in front of Scar, showing him what he picked up. “She left her headphones.” Scar just scoffed. “That doesn't mean anything.” Ekko just shook his head. “Trust me, if you knew her like I do, you’d know it meant everything.”
You wandered around one of Silco's biggest shimmer factories, where most of his shipments go. You walked around the rooftop, pacing back and forth. “I’m addicted to the madness~” You turned on your headphones, singing along, tuning out the noise below, scummy workers and henchmen everywhere. “Let me leave my soul a-burning; I’ll be breathing it in.” Sneaking down through the crawl spaces, you laid out bombs everywhere you could stick them. You set up trap after trap after trap after trap. You knew this place like the back of your hand, so it was easy to get in and get out.
“I’m addicted to the feeling, getting higher than the ceiling~” This place had meaning to you… this was the first place Silco took you when he felt like you were ready to work for him. The first place where he showed you the ropes was the same place he had you start your injections. The same place you had your first breakdown. This felt like a goodbye to the past, the pain, everything that made you feel inadequate. You don’t know what you’d be without Silco; you knew the voices would never fully leave, but at least with this you could let your dad know you were ok and that you were going your own way.
“Just concede and give in to your inner demons again~” You hit the button, and it all blew up—the building, the workers.
And you too. Hopefully, Silco can forgive you for not saying goodbye.
It’s been 3 months; Ekko waited for you to return. But after a while he could only assume you’d either gone your own way or something terrible happened. Missions still happened with no sign of you with Silco's goons, and there’s talk about the huge explosion that happened, so he couldn’t pinpoint what had happened to you; all he had to give him comfort about your departure was your headphones. He never touched them, only keeping them by his bedside with your memory lingering with him whenever there in his sight. But today at 12 am, he finally had the courage to tinker with them, hopefully fixing them up.
He was concentrating so hard he didn’t hear the door open; it was Scar. “Your stray is back,” and as soon as he came, he left.
“Hey sunflower,” he jumped and turned around so quickly you thought he’d fall out of the chair. He did slip a little as he rushed to hug you, but you couldn’t bring yourself to laugh.
“Missed me?” He squeezed your torso, chuckling a little. “Missed your humor, not your bullshit.” You poked at his side, making him jump. “Lies, you missed that too. Everyone else is boring.
He pulls you over to his patched-up couch, both of you plopping down. You lean into his touch, laying on his shoulder. Neither of you said anything; you didn’t need to. You don’t know what you expected when it came to his reaction. But you’re glad Ekko didn’t pressure you to talk about anything or question what you’d been doing. You’d tell him one of these days. The withdraws, breakdowns, you almost ending it all. But right now you just wanted to enjoy his company; being alone for months took its toll, so it’s good to be back in a warming presence.
It took everything in you to not go back to Silco, to everything that was easier. But you pulled it off, and you hope Ekko could see that you really are trying. “Was it you?” He spoke so softly you thought you just imagined it, but Ekkos looking into your eyes let you know it was real. And you knew what he meant; your explosion was nothing but destruction, but you wanted to leave that behind you. So you said the only thing that was closest to the truth. “I’m following my own path now, Ekko.” When you looked back at him, it almost took your breath away. Those stupid, big, brown eyes looking at you with so much warmth you could’ve melted right then and there. It made you sick.
“I’m happy for you... So you’re just visiting?”
“Geez, trying to kick me out already, huh?” He shook his head. “Of course not. I just…. I want you to be happy and go your own way, even if it’s not here with me.” You looked away, biting your cheek. “So what if I wanted to be happy here?”.
“Then I’d make a space for you right now; you’re always welcome.”
“Even in your room~”
“Yeah, you can stay with me if you want.”
You felt all your thoughts falter and come to a stop once the words were out of his mouth. You paused and looked at him, face red. “Easy there; we don’t want everyone jealous that the big boss in charge is playing favorites.” He pulls you so close, too close. His nose and forehead touching your own. You don’t know this Ekko, Ekko who always was too shy to flirt back, who was always the gentleman, who only gave fleeting touches like he was afraid to break you. “You are my favorite; you’ll always be someone special to me.” You couldn’t help pushing his buttons, not wanting him to see your face reddening.
“Leaders shouldn’t show favoritism, ya know. I’m going to need something for me to keep quiet; wouldn’t want to hurt the kiddies feelings, would you? out of all the things you expected Ekko to say, you didn’t expect what he’d do.
Ekko leans down, capturing your lips in a gentle kiss. It’s slow and tender; the brush of his lips is so soft. He takes his time, savoring the feel of your lips against his, pouring all of his love and affection into the kiss. He leaned back and smiled warmly as he continued to gently caress your cheek. He looked at you with a soft, affectionate expression, his gaze filled with adoration thatyou’d noticed before. You just never had the guts to call him out on it.
“Is that enough to keep you quiet?”
“It's a start.”
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idkplzhalp · 1 day ago
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Hi guys, here's a long nerdy ramble about my Caroline Portal 2 x Miss Pauling TF2 au/headcanons because I've had thoughts about them for years and TF2 comic 7 awakened it in me again to expand on it further. (This is huge I'm so sorry but I gotta keep my title of biggest CaroPauling shipper and I need to spread my truths). I tried to jam as many facts/reasoning as I could into it because I am Portal lore queen and canon info is so important to me to incorporate.
To start this, both are a bit queercoded (GLaDOS subtext of liking Chell + Pauling lesbian confirmation/subtext) therefore it's nice because they absolutely would get along, relate to each other, and being established as queer makes them fit like puzzle pieces together in my head.
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(^ I think Valve artists should keep drawing Caroline so I can continue editing their comic versions together, lol, this is all I got)
I think Pauling after comic 7 should go to work at Aperture Science (since presumably she drops the australium down a trench and is living her life, based on the turkey she sends for the Christmas party- shes made the choice to stop Admins cycle and not be cruel like her) and now lives with Caroline as they run Aperture together being sapphics in loveeee. Also we know Pauling is still unmarried then because she keeps the Ms. term instead of Mrs. on the little card from the turkey (also it's the same last name, obviously). Therefore. Cue Caroline entering the scene, because she's not married either (at least not to Cave).
They could've met during the time of TF2 in 1968 because of the Wheatley Ap-Sap, so maybe they met and got along and then Pauling later remembered Aperture after dumping the australium and was like "Hey this is close enough to working for the Administrator". Like maybe after dumping it, she was left wandering a bit trying to find a place to live and sees a billboard for Aperture which motivates her to go there. She could work as an assistant/bodyguard to Caroline, especially in Caroline's time as CEO, or be taught by her how to work in the lab.
When Cave dies, Pauling could be sad because she knows Caroline could've had similar attachments to him that Pauling did for Admin. So she's A) trying to comfort Caroline while she mourns and B) reliving her own grief from Admin. Maybe trying to convince Caroline to break her own cycle of how Aperture is run or work with her to stop GLaDOS..
If Caroline still gets uploaded to GLaDOS, then have Pauling either A) put in stasis and then later during the co-op tests where they free the humans, GLaDOS tests her and is like "WAIT my wife,,, a woman who wont kill me,, I want her" and now Pauling gets to hang out in GLaDOS' chamber while they test other people, B) keeps the australium to protect it and uses that to live forever alongside GLaDOS, or C) is uploaded into a core, it could be the core in The Lab core calibration game that's late and ran to get to the slingshot test since Pauling and that core share a voice actress (Ashly Burch)! It could be that she has less in-depth functions because we know when a person is uploaded to a smaller computer, they don't retain all their memories or full functionality unless they are then switched to a larger mainframe like GLaDOS/CaveDOS (ex: Cave in Aperture Desk Job, unless we want Lego Dimensions Cave core or Cave cube to count too, which contradicts this). So we could make things tragic and have Pauling not remember anything from her human life/GLaDOS could be unsatisfied because we know she more often has romantic feelings for humans (Chell or if including Lego Dimensions then Batman (from the Jonathan Coulton interview on the end song)) and they're now trying to fix it so they fit together again. Maybe GLaDOS gives Pauling GLaDOS' old mainframe seen in co-op mode.
Though Pauling would have to deal with the personality shift from Caroline to GLaDOS and maybe is scared of her because it reminds her of Admin, although GLaDOS wouldn't be as abusive to her and maybe it adds something because of how almost in love/obsessed Pauling was with Admin (trying to stay with her for so long/thinking Admin isn't that bad/trailing her no matter what). It could be complex because Pauling is fighting memories of past trauma with Admin while trying to maintain her relationship with GLaDOS. Maybe Pauling could bring out Caroline's personality more? Pauling is also a bit like Chell (ex: very determined fighter) therefore I'm just gonna say that's GLaDOS' type aha.
Back to the human versions now. Because Pauling got a first name reveal, Flo, we could have Caroline take on her last name, since we don't know Caroline's last name already. Lesbian marriage solving a name crisis 💀. Caroline Pauling doesn't sound that bad!
I think these two would just work really well together since they've had similar experiences and could support eachother/understand eachother like they haven't had before. To me they're both neurodivergant so I feel they could bond over their interests/teach eachother cool stuff. Like Caroline teaches Pauling science and Pauling teaches her about weaponry. Also they could do the activities that Pauling listed doing with friends "skating, look at gun catalogs". Because of that I used to headcanon that Pauling rollerskates and Caroline ice-skates so they do those together. Also Gargoyles and Gravel! They'd dress up as a wizard and witch together when playing or something haha. Also the assistants clipboard of the year conference Pauling goes to with Bidwell, she could go with Caroline and Greg and they all fight over office supplies as they should be. Maybe Caroline teaches Pauling how to bake!
I think working at Aperture, Caroline either wasn't able to defend herself verbally or wasn't listened to, not really being considered or appreciated by the other employees. She's considered modest so I think she was likely conditioned to not appreciate what she did. She's brilliant and incredibly intelligent but being a woman in that position during that time, she was probably ignored by anyone who wasn't Cave a lot. So I'd like to think if she wasn't being listened to and Cave wasn't around, Pauling could swoop in and tell those people off since she's really blunt and will tell things how it is (like in the tough break update when the guy flirted with her and she told him to leave because she was getting people killed for money), and is now a scary guard dog privilege to Caroline, even if Pauling is still a tiny anxious woman and Caroline can probably fend for herself lol.
Uhhhhh and heck, let's send Cave's other assistant Greg to go help Bidwell and Reddy in running Mann Co. That could be really funny to see, I feel they'd all get along. They're slightly more rational than Hale so I think it would be interesting to see what they do with this insane company!
Okay I'm done now, pls tag me in any CaroPauling posts you see because I'm saving them all to my phone to look at them lovingly, I have a collection lol <3.
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pixiecaps · 3 days ago
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do you think if mia had chosen to stop existing instead of jaser sofia would be alive? since she is the error in the cycle, the impossible thing that isnt meant to happen. understanding that in this context would mean that sofia is meant to live Or at least not die there per say. like calisto said only the god of fear could bring her back but the existence of mia is what throws everything off.
and i keep thinking about what calisto wrote in those last few documents in the cathedral. and his initial scene with ver��ssimo where he explicitly states that “but fear.. its impossible when you already know whats going to happen. do you understand?” so yes he saw all the visions including his own death so he knows like the others how hes going to die. but what makes him different is he doesnt feel fear or thats what hes implying. similarly to veríssimo who cant feel fear. which to me means calisto like veríssimo is marked by the god of fear. that is their element.
i also like that calisto doesnt know about mia and you learn that immediately. veríssimo says “all stories need an ending and its because of that im here. to end all of this. to save her.” talking about mia. and calisto says. “save her? you left to forget her!” talking about sofia. so calisto has no idea already. he believes that veríssimo abandoned sofia with no motive because he isnt aware of mia. the cycle itself is already teetering.
now considering this even before using the explosion ritual on himself and presumably dying he tells veríssimo, “i’ll see you in the other ending.” in his mind hes going to be the one to save sofia since he knows that the god of fear will bring about the other ending. none of this will have happened. sofia will come back. the thing is.. mia is the one who existed in the end. jasers choice predetermines whether sofia dies or not. mia was the part of the equation that calisto didnt consider because he couldnt have known.
another interesting part is when calisto states, “i understood the prophecies of the unhaunted one. i solved the enigma of fear. … what did i do?! I FULFILLED MY ROLE!” which we see throughout the game later on where calisto job in this cycle was to decipher all of jasers visons and guide the other agents to repeat the cycle etc etc. THEN HE SAYS “im going to bring her back.” again talking about sofia. which means that calisto did everything he did in that cycle with the motive of bringing about the other ending or in other words calisto wasnt just driven obsessively mad with the enigma of fear cause he wanted to solve it out of curiosity but because he wanted to save sofia. a great example of this would be the last document with the drawing of sofia that says, “only the god of fear can bring her back. only i can do this.” because his role throughout everything was to be the one deciphering all the visions. he was in charge of overseeing and successfully placing the pieces for the other ending to happen. but as we know sofia coming back to life doesnt happen. and im curious to see what calisto will do with that if anything?
cause the implication of the ending we got is that only mia truly remembers what happened and also that everything we saw never happened. so will calisto not even realize that everything he sacrificed to save sofia actually didnt work or pay off? im most anxious to see what calisto will be like now. especially with how quick he sent the group a text message. theres gotta be a certain self awareness to it all. for him at least. suddenly coming back to life and no one knows who you are cause its been decades? its interesting. i think i’d be Most interesting if we get calisto back and hes somehow still obsessed with the enigma of fear and getting sofia back. because that would alter everything so much more again.
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sky-swimmer · 2 days ago
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Sorry- excuse me gotta insert myself into the conversation even though nobody asked- because THIS IS SO TRUE???? I was just having this convo with @ficsinhistory !!! The fandom sleeps on Hazel- but really she is such a great protag, and genuinely so kind and also relatable.
I was shocked at the end of Birthday Take-back when she recognized that Dev was lashing out at her and the fairies because of his dad and not because he's just naturally mean. She knows Dev doesn't totally mean what he's saying, and he's doing what he can to avoid confronting the main issue- to blame his dad's lack of care on everyone else.
And then, while acknowledging this- that it's hard for Dev, she also understands that it doesn't excuse his behavior. Dev hurt her, so she disengages with the conversation, sets her boundaries that she won't accept being his emotional punching bag, and leaves.
Like ofc I felt terrible for Dev, the whole scene was heartbreaking, but also- HAZEL??? She is so emotionally mature??!!! She had a shining moment and aGH I just love that little lady. Even though I live in Devzel brainrot- the idea that anyone can think Hazel messed up with Dev is just so sad. Dev needs people in his life who will hold him accountable! Who care enough to be honest with him.
And about the 'Hazel's wish could have been used on Dev'.
Dev is a well-written character, and I can see why the fandom roots for him (including me!) Especially because of all the sad moments we never see getting properly resolved... BUT... the guy literally just took over fairy world?!!! I can't realistically see why Hazel would let him keep his fairy /memories 😭😭 (that being said, I don't think they're totally gone- considering his sunglasses)
And, even for those who are solely focused on Dev and don't care about other characters; don't we want to actually see well paced plot and character development?????? Won't it mean more if Dev actually works to redeem himself next season, and finally gets reunited with Peri and becomes friends again with Hazel?
From a story perspective, the choice to let Hazel's friends and brother keep their memories was amazing. It keeps the show fresh and addresses one of the main criticisms from the predecessor.
I really hope we get a season 2, because the writers seemed so hyped about writing the new dynamic!!! I really can't wait to see what happens next 😭✋
don't u just love it when the protag gets basically only used as an extension of another characters angst and is turned into a cardboard cutout in fanon content and thus is never though of outside of that inspire of having 30 episodes focused on her (eye twitch)
Oh my god. Yes. The treatment of hazel in the fandom makes me !!!! Mad to say the least . Like yeah i love dev but HAZEL HAS HER OWN PROBLEMS ANS STRUGGLES THAT ARE JUST SO OVERLOOKED BECAUSE OF DEVS DADDY ISSUES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hazel is barely treated as ...you know......the protagonist of her OWN SHOW WHICH IS WHAT SHE IS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I will never forgive how the twt fandom treated her when the finale aired. She did NOT have to use her rule free wish on dev come on now!!!!!!!!!! I think the wish she DID end up making is so interesting AND I THINK PEOPLE NEED TO FOCUS ON WINN AND JASMINE BEING HAZELS FRIENDS MORE!!!!!!!!!!! theyre both awesome in their own ways it just SUCKS that so many cool characters get basically....no recognition..........bc people would rather focus on devs problems WHEN HES ONLY HAZELS FRIEND FOR LIKE. IDK 3 EPISODES????????
Tldr TREAT HAZEL LIKE TO PROTAGONIST OF HER OWN SHOW GOD DAMNIT!!!!!!!!!!!!
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sidras-tak · 1 year ago
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Accidentally transed the gender of my MTAS builder lol I picked a male voice and a female body her name is Tian and I love her so much.
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meangirltogoodgirls · 2 months ago
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hey rent-lowering post but my wife is Actually Detransitioning and i am actively supporting her in that process, if you can't handle that you don't Have to be here. like you can get lost, it's cool. Bye.
i love my girl no matter what, it's her body and her life and her decision to make and you can all deal!
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mylittleredgirl · 10 months ago
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another b5 thought i will never get out of my head is what Would Have Been if michael o'hare had been able to continue on as sinclair, mostly how catherine sakai was clearly being set up to have anna sheridan's fate. and when i tell you that would have gutted me. i might never have recovered. as it plays out we suffer for sheridan's sake, taking the cue from him seeing how much he mourned his late wife, but if we had known her? after seeing how jeff and catherine had woven in and out of each other's lives but could never let go and finally got it right??? and then we mourn for her with him when he is already holding so much sorrow?? and then?????
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kate-apologist · 7 months ago
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i'm gonna start replying to people who say 11 is their favorite doctor with "oh the writing wasn't very good but matt smith did the best he could in the role" because i am tired of pretending i liked almost any of his seasons
it's what i have to hear about 13 all the time and i'm sick to the gills of it. sick of it i say!
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emdotcom · 7 months ago
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*remembers what they did to Vanny* 500 FUCKING PIPEBOMB ATTACK.
#em.txt#WHY#how can you see the fucking absolute fire that is building up & go. 'yeah douse it. now bring back peepaw AGAIN'#BUILD HER UP 2 GAMES EARLY --- & THEN DO NOTHING!!!!!!!!? FUCK#WE CAN'T HAVE WOMEN DO THINGS IN FNAF I GUESS#the company's scop was too big & they developed the game seperately from the environment & made the environment above the game#cut playable vanessa sections. cut vanny appearances.#remove all the plot make vanessa a bitch throw in some invisible walls call it done. 30 dollars now please#security breach isn't just bad. it's not fucking done.#the thing normally with cut content is i can usually agree like 'okay this game cut this but that was a smart choice'#it can be better for time or budget & it can make for better writing.#for instance all the cut content in ahit is neat & as much as i like moonie it's smart to cut his character to build up other ones#& makes for a tighter story & less convoluted area that's more fun to play#when i look at the cut content for security breach their are obvious issues.#it's obvious the company's scope went too far. you built too big an environment. you built the environment before your game.#you prioritized a cool area to the point you expanded the mall from 1 story to 3. do you think that time could have been speant elsewhere#& the other problem is the insane fucking crunch that scott cawthon as a dev placed on himself & others to maintain relevancy#a single person locking themselves ina room for months to stay relevant is fucked. a game studio physically cannot do that.#you see shit in the prerelease like they wanted a bowling minigame a kart minigame a freeroam minigame etc#what about vanny? what did you want with this character? you clearly had something in mind#but we needed to cut it so we can fit in mazercise i fucking guess or chica's bakery or trash heap#here's what we have: less than 1 minute screentime. the 2 vanessa ending comic. that's it#oh wait i forgot. 'vanny. sounds like vanessa & bunny. this cabnot be a coincidence ' & THEN IT NEVER COMES UP AGAIN#princess quest used to be about that bitch in golden freddy you retconned it to be about vanessa SO DO SOMETHING WITH THAT#her whole shit is apparently in service to william afton. why isn't she in the afton fight at all#does she not know he's down there? is he unrelated? does she know she's working for the mimic? is she not working for him?#is she at all related to the fucking bunny from ruin or like what#what about the rainbow hair. what about her tech prowess. what about the cut missing kids only referenced in duffle bag messages now.#fuck you & fuck me as well why can't i be passionate about hvac systems#why's it gotta be this shittass gsme.
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everythingsinred · 10 months ago
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Do you think that even after dating Mikan for a while Natsume would still being jealous?
Hi hi hi, Anon!
So this is a bit complex and I'm sure there's various opinions on this, but I'll just stick to my own understanding of his character for this.
To start with, Oxford has a couple definitions of jealousy.
feeling or showing envy of someone or their achievements and advantages. feeling or showing suspicion of someone's unfaithfulness in a relationship. fiercely protective or vigilant of one's rights or possessions.
Essentially, jealousy is a normal emotion (notice here that the above definitions use the word "feeling") but it's born of insecurity. If you think back on any TV shows or movies where jealousy plays a major role, the jealous person is usually feeling insecure for whatever reason. Sometimes it's justified and sometimes it's not. Let's discuss this a bit.
One: The first definition describes envy of achievements and advantages. You might say this is how Natsume is jealous for most of the manga before he and Mikan actually get together. I wrote a very long series of essays detailing this, but his jealousy is mainly about being able to pursue affection or a relationship. He's jealous of Tsubasa for being able to hug Mikan, openly or otherwise. He's jealous of Tono for being touchy-feely, because he isn't allowed to be. He's convinced any affection toward her would hurt her, so he can't even try it.
That's an advantage Tsubasa and other boys have that Natsume doesn't; it crops up every now and then with his humorous aggression toward Tsubasa and Tono and his moody stares whenever Ruka and Mikan have a moment. His circumstances make it so hugging or spending too much with Mikan is not a possibility and he's jealous of others for not having to worry about that.
You see a few times in the manga when he is less constrained and acts a lot more familiar with her; whenever he backs off it's because he has no choice. He becomes less jealous during those moments, because if he has the same opportunities he can only blame himself if things don't go his way. Granted, I said "less jealous", not "not jealous at all" because Natsume's martyr complex doesn't stop him from wanting what he wants, even if he won't admit it. He wants to love Mikan openly and also to be loved by her. Thus, jealousy would be two-fold, and if either of those desires is challenged (and they are, frequently) then he gets jealous. Yes, he puts his wants aside often, but that doesn't mean they don't exist or influence his emotions.
I don't think Natsume in a happy relationship would feel that as much. You might bring up his fourth alice shape as a reason why he might feel insecure, and I'd give you that if I wasn't a hundred feet deep in delusion, since I believe the fourth shape would become a nonissue eventually. He can hold her hand or hug her or kiss her whenever he wants, and actually has more justification to do so than anybody else.
That brings us to two: The second definition is about suspecting infidelity. I think I talked about this the most in my essay about Natsume's feelings during the Rapunzel Arc, but Natsume is deeply self-loathing. He doesn't view himself as valuable because of who he is and he doesn't entirely buy that Mikan really loves him. He thinks her love is weaker than his, maybe fleeting. She is affection, but her affections are definitely not invincible. She could hate him someday, and he could never hate her back.
"You are mine."
If Natsume thinks Mikan doesn't love him as much as he loves her, then it's completely possible that he might get insecure about her feelings. I don't think Mikan would cheat, but the fear that maybe he's not as interesting, or that her feelings have passed onto somebody else are still on the table. I think Natsume might struggle with believing that Mikan chose him and doesn't have feelings for anybody else.
This is where independent thinking must come into play. To be entirely honest, if Tachibana Higuchi is at all to be listened to, then I think Natsume would be within his rights to be jealous under this second definition. Our dear mangaka has made jokes to the effect that Natsume shouldn't be too comfortable, that he hasn't "won" yet, that Ruka or Hotaru still have a shot. That's not even mentioning the atrocious final chapter, where Mikan apparently only cares about Hotaru and doesn't mind telling every single person that came to see her that Hotaru is number one and the others don't even place (OOC and disgusting behavior, TBH).
I think that's all ridiculous and the final chapters are so bad I ignore them. The only part of the Memorial Book I care about is the Red Riding Hood comic and the HotaRuka picture. I ignore Higuchi Tachibana's post canon ideas entirely.
FIRST: Natsume absolutely should be comfortable in a monogamous romantic relationship with Mikan! He should not be nervous and watching over his shoulder all the time! That's so ridiculous, that he shouldn't trust his girlfriend not to be faithful to him. It's insulting to their relationship and to Mikan, especially, that there's a chance Mikan would change her mind all of a sudden.
SECOND: Natsume did not win. He was chosen. Love isn't a game. I'd argue it's hardly even a feeling. It's a choice. There's a reason married couples go to counseling to work on their relationship when their feelings weaken; the feelings are an important part of a bond, but they're not the only part. Otherwise, what is stopping every dissatisfied person out there from leaving their partner to find a new and exciting stomach full of butterflies and electricity? You choose to work on the relationship because you choose that person, good and bad (to an extent, of course), and there shouldn't be anything fleeting or hesitant about that.
Mikan chose Natsume. She loves him, yes, but she also chose him. She chose to kiss him, to give him her heart via alice stone and also metaphorically. She chose to devote herself to him, and that's not the same as Natsume winning some competition. That was something only Mikan could decide, and she did. If we have any trust in Mikan, and we should, then we should disregard Higuchi Tachibana's attempt to be edgy and believe that Natsume should not be worried about her leaving him for anybody else.
THIRD: Love, in its feeling form, doesn't have some maximum capacity, and as a result it should not be that simple to state who you love the most (but also common courtesy should keep you from announcing that information out loud to a group of people who care about you for no real reason, especially when said top person isn't even there). Hotaru is Mikan's best friend. Ruka is Mikan's trusted friend and ally. Natsume is her boyfriend. There's different types of love and those types are all important and valuable.
I don't think Mikan would be unfaithful. I don't think she'd leave Natsume or have an emotional affair, trying to suppress hidden feelings for somebody else while she placates Natsume. It's a nasty thing to accuse her of, and I don't care much for the Memorial Book for this reason. Mikan loves Natsume. She chose him. End of story.
But Natsume is insecure. He was brought back from the dead just to make Mikan happy, after all, so he has no reason to believe in his own value, still, even at the manga's close. I think they'd both have to work on his insecurity to completely eliminate his feeling of not being enough for her. She'd have to validate him, but I'm sure she's up for it, because it doesn't seem that difficult TBH. He's so beyond happy just being chosen, that if she just keeps at it (keeps choosing him and openly loving him), that it would help a lot with his work on himself.
To the final definition: Being protective or possessive. This one is the one that sounds most like what we see in Kageki. A Natsume who is dating Mikan, trusts Ruka with her, and can be as openly affectionate as he wants. There's no wanting for advantages, because he has more than anybody. No fearing infidelity, because he trusts his best friend and his girlfriend. But possessiveness? That we do see.
Natsume monopolizes Mikan's attention and I personally think that's great. He's being selfish, and y'all know that's what I love to see for him after he's put himself dead last his whole life. Natsume is the kind of boyfriend who wants to spend all his time with his girlfriend, even just sitting around doing nothing, because he's spent so much time not being able to. I don't really think that would ever go away.
But over time, as he becomes healthier, I don't think the first two definitions would apply at all. I don't think he'd want to switch places with anybody and he wouldn't be scared for his relationship. He'd maintain just the right amount of possessiveness. He does after all, keep going back to the "You're mine" thing, so it clearly means a lot that she is his girlfriend. He'd also love any possessiveness from her because being loved by her makes him happy.
I really didn't mean for this answer to be so long but turns out I have quite a lot of thoughts on the topic.
I guess the short of it is that yes, to an extent, I think he'd keep some of his jealousy around, but that it would become less and less about fearing infidelity or of not being good enough.
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mold-dad · 1 year ago
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Society if Capcom had let us have a Sherry/Leon reunion chapter in RE6
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nazumichi · 1 year ago
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hey guys i’m writing again <- guy who has an ap lit reading assignment
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vile-wizard · 4 months ago
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I need to clean my room now. It is dire.
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lazaruspiss · 1 year ago
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yeah its kinda depressing that every fandom seems to have some anti shipper niche but its also so fuckin funny sometimes. like im just remembering that rick and morty exists and holy shit was that a show that contained Sensitive Subjects portrayed only for crass amusement and self gratification. and even that show has anti shippers. (adding a cut for those who dont wanna listen to my sleep deprived rambled retellings of my rick & morty memories)
hey do yall know what the pilot was about. bc the og r&m pilot was a back to the future parody where morty has to suck off rick in order for him to have big brain power. like the og r&m has uncensored underage incest blowjobs. also the actual final show has an episode where a character proposes a "multi generational sandwich" 3way. yeah yeah but portraying incest is problematic. do u hear urself. incest doesnt even make the top 10 as far as ricks crimes against humanity go. how do yall live like that
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iniziare · 6 months ago
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Re-tag drop: Yelan
#tag drop#[ yelan. ] i can't change the facts. but if it's a choice between the cold; hard truth and blissful unawareness: i'll take the former.#[ yelan: ic. ] that's a worst-case scenario. but all too often; the most pessimistic speculation turns out to be the closest to the truth.#[ yelan: inquiries. ] oh? you'd like to know more about me? what will you give in exchange then?#[ yelan: countenance. ] an old friend of mine once privately commented to me that ] yelan “is always smiling; but never with her eyes.”#[ yelan: introspection. ] like a phantom she appears in various guises at the center of events; and disappears before the storm stops.#[ yelan: wishes. ] that which hides inside her… that constant calling; it is the blood of heroes which has been howling for 500 years.#[ yelan: etc. ] every round of finger-guessing is a tiny adventure; and every roll of dice sends sporadic thrills down her spine.#[ yelan: liyue. ] liyue will never plunge into disaster without clue of the danger like it once did. she will see that it is not unprepared#[ yelan: home. ] i'm guessing you've fallen for the rumors about me being very wealthy; having high demands for my standards of living?#[ yelan: yanshang. ] the teahouse has really brightened up after the boss took over and kicked the fatui and gamblers out.#[ yelan: lantern rite. ] every year on this day; the lanterns light up the night. may the fire never die and may humanity endure.#[ yelan: chasm. ] perhaps she will plunge into that darkness one day; and the ill fate that once befell her ancestors shall find her too.#[ yelan: scope. ] i serve ningguang. the tianquan of the qixing. the scope of my work includes some of liyue's biggest secrets.#[ yelan: weaponry. ] water. divided it is as streams uncounted: close yet untangled. united it is as a giant wave: inexorable; unstoppable.#[ yelan: wriothesley. ] don't fight over fleeting gains or losses. focus on where your heart is leading you and move forward. [ delusionaid#[ yelan: uncle tian. ] there's nothing wrong with wanting to win other people's respect. but when has uncle tian looked down on anyone?#[ yelan: ningguang. ] we both made a mistake: we shouldn't have involved ordinary folk in what we do. / ordinary folk?#[ yelan: xiao. ] you think you're oh-so cold and ruthless. i'm not buying it. - losing one of us so the rest can escape? some victory that#[ yelan: keqing. ] if something happens that they didn't anticipate; it throws their plans into oblivion. but the yuheng is different.#[ yelan: ganyu. ] i could never work non-stop like she does. certainly not at that level of efficiency. i guess being half-adeptus has its#[ yelan: yanfei. ] when i help her out; i always get some invaluable leads in return. gotta say though: i think she respects me a little mu#[ yelan: traveler. ] you don't have to be on guard around me. i never scheme against people who have my stamp of approval.#[ yelan: v. youth. ] you're still young. be patient. believe in yourself; and don't look outside yourself to prove your value.#[ yelan: v. pre-qixing. ] i don't do these things to help the powerful or mighty get rid of dissident forces. but because water too has a s#[ yelan: v. qixing. ] seeing isn't always believing. and if you can't trust your eyes; you certainly can't trust rumors.#[ yelan: meta. ] the chances are if i open this door; there can be no witnesses left alive. is that a sufficient reason for you?
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agayconcept · 8 months ago
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#oh for fucks sake#if i have to listen to my shithead of a mother bitch and whine and moan about me being disabled one more fuckinG time i s2g#she's been going on for 20 mins abt how annoying it is that i had to go lie down for a bit bc i had a migraine and a pain flare up#which meant i guess that she didnt get to make dinner when she wanted to (i told her she could just eat w/o me like who cares)#so now she's on a rampage abt how inconvenient it is to her and how i ruin her schedule and her life all the time etc etc#and when i responded calmly w 'well what would u like me to do- snap my fingers and not be disabled anymore? u TOLD me to go lie down.'#she exploded and is like 'oh noOoo ofc not nothing is ever ur fault u just accidentally do these things'#bitch WHAT THINGS ?????#exist as disabled ??? be in so much pain i spend most of my life these days in bed ??? be unable to function to ur standards ????#do u Hear urself ??#now she's sitting on the couch pouting and fuming like a toddler bc i was in bed for 2 hours instead of 30 mins (bc too much pain to get up)#and throwing a tantrum like that is in any way normal or acceptable behaviour#'u always do this! but nooo u can do w/e u want cant u ?? u dont have to consider others!!'#ma'am...#a) no i dont have to consider others when it comes to taking care of myself and my debilitating illnesses. that's an insane thing to suggest#b) nobody told u u could not do w/e the fuck u wanted while i was out of commission. u just did this to have more to complain abt#c) ah yes bc i 'want' to be bedbound in excruciating pain. that was a choice i made. for funsies. for the bit.#whaT ?????#god someone save me im gonna lose my mind w this shit#not to mention she's also belligerently drunk so like. there's that also. cant have any proper convo bc of it (not that i wanna talk to her)#jesus fUcking chrisT#i gotta get out of here#this woman is so immensely hateful#ya sorry i ruined ur life by being born this way and now ur stuck 'putting up' w me and 'my shit' (<- actual things she has said many times)#fuuuuuck me.#anyway.#negative#ableism#verbal abuse#ask to tag
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