#there’s a reason neil called him that specifically i’m so sure of it

[ickypuppi3]

it’s the way neil called billy that specifically in reference to billy’s appearance/billy caring about his appearance

makes you wonder how often that happens

and when it started

because i can just imagine it being a thing

like people spreading rumours about billy at school when he was younger and neil just pulls the whole “if you didn’t dress like that” “if you didn’t look like that” “there’s a reason people think you’re one of them”

and the way it can tie into the whole victim blaming “you were asking for it” mentality.. it’s just interesting to think about

[ctinalk]

Is Crowley already the new Supreme Archangel?

A few oversights made millennia ago, and suddenly we have a demon archangel on our hands.

Caution: I came up with and wrote this in the last few hours so potentially crackpot theory ahead. Apologies if this has been proposed before, it’s not one I’ve seen. And I’ve seen A LOT.

So supposedly the miracle Aziraphale and Crowley performed together was something only the mightiest of archangels could have done. Everyone assumes it was Crowley because they think he was a high ranking Angel formerly. Or that it was the two of them together. Or that Jimbriel amplified it. But what if…

“There is always a supreme archangel”

Michael says this in S2E1 when talking with Uriel about who is in charge now that Gabriel was missing. Gabriel was removed from office in the trial we hear, he’s no longer Supreme Archangel. If so, Michael’s statement would imply that as soon as Gabriel’s removal happened, a new archangel already existed. Now obviously the Metatron is making a show of choosing Aziraphale as the new Supreme Archangel. But is that within his power to do so? Or is he suggesting working with Crowley for a different reason, possibly unknown even to him?

“I am the only first-order archangel in the room, or you know, the universe”

During the “2nd Armageddon-that-wasn’t” discussion, Gabriel says these words. As he says them, it cuts (ominously isn’t the right word here, pointedly maybe?) to Crowley leaning against the desk, and lingers there just a bit too long.

“How do you know it wasn’t me?”

Another clue to the powerful angel Crowley was. It was clearly said in a teasing manner throw Shax off. But much like the barrel of red herring in the intro, is it a red herring to something else?

“Can you send lightning bolts and get them to report back to you?”

The only other time we see someone calling lightning or using it is, you guessed it: Gabriel in S1 on the airbase to port in and out. I’ve read the theory that Angel!Crowley was the lord of lightning, which I’m not opposed to, but to me this is another link.

“Never change their passwords”

We have one HUGE instance of Heaven being sloppy in their record keeping (passwords), and lax in their security protocol (Crowley bopping about with Muriel). Whereas Hell is meticulous in their record keeping, as shown by the bills, admissions process, and S1 contract.

So what if: when Gabriel was stripped of the title, a new Supreme Archangel was automatically appointed. Except instead of someone else, because heaven neglected to double-check their logs after The Fall, Crowley was still on the books as next in line? This would absolutely play into “God playing games with the universe” and “just think what would have happened if we’d been at all competent” themes running through both seasons. It would also follow the theory that people noticed Aziraphale and Crowley were on the “wrong” side for much of the season. It would also explain a few continuity errors along the way (how did Crowley know Muriel’s rank? He knows it through the knowledge automatically given to the Supreme Archangel).

“Funny ol’ world, isn’t it?”

Caveats and potential weaknesses:

I have no idea how this fits into the fact that S3 will be the actual continuation the Neil and Terry planned, as to my knowledge S2 was essentially a “Neil’s chaotic angsty ineffable husbands fanfic”. But clearly S2 has to play well into the plan for S3. I also kind of hate my theory because Crowley specifically declined to be an angel again, and his hand has been forced too often already.

Now I am a staunch advocate of the body-swap theory, and I’m not sure how this would play into that. Does Metatron know? Does he think he has the power to appoint? Does he think the title went to Aziraphale because of the miracle? Does he try to get Crowley to come back with Aziraphale to exploit his power? Does he know about the body swap in S1 and if so, was he trying to trigger another one to get the right “soul” to heaven?

There are a few other things I haven’t figured out how to incorporate into this post yet. I’ll try to put them into coherent thoughts in the next few days, but thought I’d throw this to the wolves universe for the time being.

Thought 1: “How have your lot managed to stay in charge all this time?” “I’m not so sure we have.”

Thought 2: I need to do (another) rewatch before I nail this one down (such a sacrifice I tell you), but does Crowley have a visceral reaction like he does in S1 to being called “good” in the current, post Gabriel-removal timeset? Obv in Edinburgh/Job, but that’s in the past. He denies it, sure (with Jim), but he straight up flashes a smile and thanks Mrs. Sandwich when she says “You’re a good lad” (after the denial).

2.1: No one calls him “good” in present day except these two instances. Vast difference in the visceral reactions of season 1 and flashbacks.

Thought 3: Crowley is the only one who can trigger Jimbriel’s recall memory.

[lilliththefan]

Okay, I’m gonna do smthn I have never done before on this platform and that is to toss my hat into my thoughts concerning Crowley. Specifically, about her Fall.

Just how she said “Call it a nebula”, call this little crackhead theory: The Booksnatcher Theory (aka: Stealing Books and what it could mean for Season 3)

[Disclaimer: this is just smthn I cooked up randomly so don’t look at it too closely lol. Also I’m not sure if another person has thought of this as well, I just wanted to look at it on a certain angle teehee]

THAT OUT OF THE WAY!!! Let’s start off with what we know about Crowley’s Fall objectively (and by objectively, I mean what Neil has to say about it)

So it’s canon (confirmed via Neil Gaiman himself) that Crowley isn’t the best source for his experience concerning The Fall. According to Crowley, they Fell for two reasons: asking questions and hanging out with the wrong people.

Another interesting thing Neil noted was that Crowley isn’t as good as he likes to maintain while also not being THAT bad as Heaven portrays him to be. So what does that mean?

It could mean that Crowley did something he hasn’t admitted to doing yet.

Which brings me to the title of this random theory I thought of while drinking some milk tea; what if he snatched a book? This book in particular.

If you can barely read the title, you’ll notice that it has the title of “Nebula” along with some (probably) volume numbers that would help identify the book. It was also noted by Crowley that she “wasn’t the original concept designer but that he worked very closely with Upstairs on it.” As some people have pointed out, this was a habit Crowley also did in Hell: taking credit for an idea that wasn’t technically theirs.

Crossing your fingers like this typically means one is asking for luck, OR more poignantly in this scenario, outright lying to another person but not to God as a way to negate the lie you just said. Other people have noted this gesture as well!

Essentially, the theory goes like this: What if Crowley borrowed the Nebula book without prior knowledge or permission and used it to start the star factory without proper clearance?

That basically meant that Crowley stole a Heavenly document for their own gain and created something without an overseer’s approval. Even if it was to satiate their love and curiosity of stars, it still paints him in a bad light while simultaneously not being “that bad” of an angel.

For this theory, Crowley’s angel identity doesn’t matter tbh, you’re free to explore that in your own headcanons. But what matters for this theory, it mainly hinges on the idea that he stole something and did something out of line. Which isn’t all too out of character for Crowley, as he mentioned pranking the cherubs with Beelzebub and threats of the Book of Life.

SPEAKING OF!!!

This brings me to the next part: Why does it matter if Crowley stole a book?

Because that means books can be stolen. And there is ONE particular Book that is currently a Chekov’s gun waiting to be fired.

NOW LET’S 👏 TALK 👏 THE 👏 METATRON 👏

Metatron overall is a VERY shady character, no surprise here. We know barely anything about the guy, which basically meant us (who are into angelology) had to go off of three main things: (1) he’s the Voice of God, (2) he was once human favored by God, and (3) he’s the Scribe to the Book of Life.

So here’s the thing about point 1 and point 2…

…okay so Metatron doesn’t ACTUALLY talk to God and he was never human in the first place, which means out of everything so far, point 3 is the only thing that still remains as true.

What does that mean, then? It means, in the context of this theory, the Metatron would probably be keeping that Book under lock and key in the best way possible: by controlling any single angel (former or current) that has shown instances of showing interest towards knowledge they shouldn’t have.

Which means that it makes sense to make Crowley Fall, if she has been known to steal books. Aziraphale could easily be put under the Metatron’s control due to conditioning. Hell (heh), even Michael backed down the moment Metatron revealed himself.

But there’s one surprising addition to the growing count of angels (and demon) who have an interest in books and that is Muriel.

Muriel was seen by Metatron as a purveyor of books, expressing excitement and curiosity toward humanity and their culture. That kind of curiosity could be dangerous to Metaton, especially if you consider that Muriel basically now knows a demon who has clearance to certain files.

So, in Metatron’s mind, the probability of Muriel stealing the Book of Life might be probable. Not saying it will happen, but the chance of it happening does exist.

It would be an interesting twist ngl, while also making total sense for Muriel. They’re a scrivener, it’s kinda in their nature to validate documents and books fall under that category. We even see them validate the contract between God and Satan during the events of the Book of Job, so it kinda feels like a normal progression for them; the underdog lowest ranking angel overseeing the most important artifact Heaven has.

Hence why the Metatron probably stationed them down on Earth. Not only as someone to look after the bookshop but also to keep them away from looking into Heaven’s libraries.

All in all, this lil theory hinges on the fact that books are important in the Good Omens-verse, from Agnes Nutter’s book of prophecies to the Book of Life. Which also kinda has some symbolism attached to it: Books contain knowledge, and knowledge is power.

And if Metatron has a monopoly on knowledge, less people would be less inclined to ask questions.

But see, that’s the thing.

The questions will always remain, regardless if you’re an angel or a demon. So now, I end this theory/tirade/meta of mine with my own inquiry: If you have a question no one wishes to reply to, how far will you go to get your answer?

P.S: So you know how the Metatron is the de-facto writer of the Book of Life in this scenario?

…yeah…

[thedvilsinthedetails]

Heyyyy…

hey im still figuring out what i wanna be called but for now u can call me Jamie if u want I’m genderfluid as fuck [they/she/he or whatever idegafatp]

some typa aroace spectrum probs grayace & demiromantic also omniromantic - in general I have nothing figured out

so a simp w like a slight preference for men ig but kinda ace most of the time but sometimes very not

neurospicy bitch

writing request status: OPEN FOR MICROFICS RN

I’m a rosekiller loverrr but also a multi shipper so u never know what ur gonna see ig [but probably Rosekiller, Wolfstar, Dorlene, Starchaser maybe some sunkiller if I’m in the mood etc] for the record just bc I don’t ship smth doesn’t mean I support hating it even as a joke [translation: prongsfoot is chill leave them be]

if u don’t like smth, just ignore it, if u send me hate I’ll reply w shitty jokes probs

my dream job is to be an actor [screen actor specifically]

Media I like:

Fav TV stuff: Challengers, Gravity Falls, Cruella, 10 things I hate about you, into the spiderverse

Fav author is @neil-gaiman also that man is my idol so I’ll probs reblog him a shit ton [do u think he’ll like…mind that I tagged him? Sorry if this bothered u Neil!!!] Music [uhhh changes all the time tbh but for rn]: The Neighbourhood, Olivia Rodrigo, Conan Gray [Kid Krow phase rn], Chappell Roan, Renée Rapp, Green day, Ricky Montgomery, NOAHFINNCE, MARINA and Hozier

Spider-Man. Fucking love Spider-Man.

One thing to note about me tho: obvi I love recommendations but I find starting literally any new forms of media really fucking daunting for no reason [this is everything: songs, movies, books etc]

e.g. I fucking love spider verse but I still haven’t watched movie 2, same w latest season of young royals, same with even like ONE song alone I find it rlly hard and really scary

so if u give me recommendations and I don’t get back to u about them for ages it’s not bc I forgot or i was ignoring u but bc I find it scary so pls be patient :)

also same w please don’t like assume I’m knowledgeable about like any of the music artists I named earlier bc tbh I don’t rlly listen to artists I listen to songs [im still a fan of a lot of music artists ofc but the artists I listen to ≠ the artists I’m a fan of]

HI! welcome to my crazy blog, I love making friends im not at all scary I promise :D

Btw my inbox is ALWAYS open for spam, ship ramblings [even if it’s not smth I ship], info dropping about ur hyperfixations, venting, questions etc. [the only thing is no illegal ships bc it will be ignored] also sorry pre warning im shit with the inbox chains [‘send this to ten people who…’] so often I won’t answer those sorry, anything else I will make sure to answer but the chains I sometimes just forget about sorryyy

Barty Crouch Jr & James Potter kinnie

got a FAT crush on Evan Rosier [he’s the loml he just doesn’t know it yet] and also a crush on Dorcas Meadowes

I write sometimes:

I fell for you like glitter on stage - rosekiller band au, this was a microfic series on tumblr that I posted on ao3 for convenience [words: 4548] [this is my fav thing I’ve ever written lol]

we are all just prisoners here of our own device - Jegulus, a oneshot on ao3 based on the song ‘hotel California’ by the eagles. [Words: 6162]

Oh where do we begin? The rubble or our sins? - ON HIATUS. Roman Empire Jegulus au with side Rosekiller, Wolfstar and Pandalily on ao3 [words: 6141] [currently I don’t want to write Jegulus - the hyperfixation hath faded]

also I’m in a marauders RP as Barty and u shld follow it bc we’re all super cool and funny and amazing and awesome and yeah @bartythebabygorljr

tags you’ll see on my page:

me and my old black biro > writing tag

Im in love with that Rosier boy > [this is a new one] me having a massive crush on Evan Rosier

the most boring soap opera > my life tag

I have an online diary called @miseryoforpheus if ur fascinated by my charming and irresistible personality

[The song at the bottom of my intro post changes all the time depending on how I’m feeling]

THIS BLOG SUPPORTS PALESTINE

THIS BLOG STANDS WITH UKRAINE

THIS BLOG THINKS JK ROWLING HAS A NEGATIVE QUANTITY OF BRAINCELLS

[joanofexys]

here is your reason to talk about emeryk wesninski 👉👈

Emeryk Wesninski my beloved (not really. I also forgot he existed and debated killing him dead again instead of confronting my embarrassing ocs)

If it isn’t obvious he’s intended to be Neil’s brother, which I’m probably gonna skirt around as much as possible due to my own shame lmao

Emeryk Wesninski:

25 years old

he/him

queer idk he’s not gonna sit there long enough to slap a word on it

played striker

was supposed to start on the Ravens lineup with Emiko their freshman year

dropped the sport for academic and familial pursuits (also cause he was not about to major in fucking business)

We’re gonna pretend I know why the hell I decided having an Em (Moriyama) and Em (Wesninski) was a good idea cause I did create them at the same time but honestly? fuck if I know.

Pretending I can do math I think there’s a six year gap between Neil and Emeryk. Or at least it’s around there. So when Mary and Neil went on the run Emeryk was 16 years old and pretty deeply involved in his father’s business. Not that he enjoyed it. He and Mary knew there was a far smaller chance of success survival with three of them instead of two and Neil had the better chance. So he told her to just him and go, with only a little resentment.

Emeryk escapes some of the worst parts of his father’s work through a series of deals with the Moriyama’s, specifically Ichirou. He and Ichirou aren’t far apart in age and now he of course wonders what the hell was doing, but he would rather have indebted himself to Ichirou over Kengo. And he knew one day Ichirou would be in charge, he just didn’t expect it to be quite so soon.

So instead of getting sucked in deeper (to the Wesninski’s business at least), he’s able to somewhat save himself. He enrolls in Edgar Allan University at 18 and doesn’t sign a contract to play with the Ravens. Despite it he and Emiko still become friends and he has some, albeit limited, interaction with Kevin, Riko, and Jean.

He studies criminal justice and goes on to study law. All of it, of course, being put towards working for the Moriyama’s. But at least he’s not actively killing people.

He spends a lot of his time covering up any tracks Mary and Neil leave behind. Whenever he can find them, he knows that means someone else will, and he does his best to remove any sort of paper trail or hint to their existence. Even if it’s just confusing Nathan’s men. Anything that gives them enough time to create a new identity and move.

He’s not exactly happy about it but he does feel like it’s part of what he agreed to years ago. So he lets the resentment build and does it anyway.

And when Neil shows up at Palmetto, seemingly not even trying to be subtle, he is so fucking pissed. Everything’s undone. He can run his mouth and mess things up as much as he wants but he knows it’s only a matter of time.

By the time Baltimore occurs Emeryk is so far removed from the Wesninski’s and so deeply involved with the Moriyama���s that he doesn’t even see it coming. At least not fast enough. When Stuart reaches out to him he reluctantly agrees to work with the FBI, temporarily, to find Nathan.

That’s the first time Neil and Emeryk see each other in years. Emeryk’s pretty sure Neil doesn’t remember half of it, blacked out from pain. And he sure as fuck wasn’t going to stick around to visit him in the hospital. He gets out of there with the intent of talking to the least amount of cops he can.

He forms a bit of a relationship with Neil after that. Mostly “don’t talk to cops”, “seriously get a fucking lawyer”, “have you considered not running your damn mouth?”, and the like. But ultimately he doesn’t give a shit what Neil gets up to. Not his business (though he can’t help but keep a worried eye on him to make sure he’s not getting into too much trouble. He spent too long doing it to stop. And if it has the added benefit of seeing his brother happy and healthy, somewhere he can call home, no one else to needs to know)

While Emeryk didn’t wind up a full blown serial killer he’s still a worse person than like Emiko. He’s very much out to save his own skin. He’ll always go with his best chance of survival. For now that lies with the Moriyama’s. But if a better opportunity ever presented itself he’d take it in a heartbeat.

And idk that’s just a little bit about Em (Wesninski) who I made 4-ish years ago and forgot about until now

[theartistichuman]

Reasons why I think the Foxes would be controversial on Twitter

Allison: making fun of people for being trashy. When someone points out that the things she’s targeting are generally things impoverished people do to survive, she doubles down

Dan: being a black woman in the public eye who’s well informed and outspoken about politics (basically cannon) but more specifically is targeted for her discussion of sex work as work and is targeted primarily by the #notallmen crowd

Renee: regularly tells people she will pray for them when they did not ask her to. Or maybe for saying that she believes all of her past trauma is god’s plan, and people just assume she means that for all trauma

Neil: first tweet he openly makes fun of Riko on his death anniversary and says that he wishes riko could be resurrected so he could die twice. He tweets nothing else.

Matt: tbh I think Matt would be canceled for saying a slogan or using a hashtag he didn’t know was used for a specific political cause and even tho he apologized he still gets put onto a call out post every 2-3 months.

Aaron: I feel like Aaron would say something absolutely crazy about queer people, like about the gay gene or something, and then when people tell him that wasn’t ok to say he doubles down by being like I have gay family and I’m premed. Or contrarily i feel like he would admit to manslaughter on accident to win an argument with a random guy

Nicky: says something misogynistic and mildly transphobic, plays the gay card to double down. he does later apologize but it takes like 3-4 of the foxes to explain to him publicly why he was wrong

Andrew: tells someone to kms for being annoying

Kevin: Kevin for sure is the guy to comment work out routines under fat people’s selfies

Wymack: r-slur usage (canon)

[buckysgrace]

Forty

“Are you having a good vacation?” Addi asked over the phone. Kim held it against her ear as she leaned against the wooden wall in the kitchen, looking through the fridge again. She was tired of grilled foods, and it looked like that was all they had. She was dying for something sweet to sink her teeth into.

“It wasn’t bad, but we haven’t done a lot so far. I think Neil wants us to connect with nature.” Kim grinned, rolling her eyes playfully. She wanted to tell her friend much more but was too afraid of anyone overhearing her. The four of them had gone on another hike while Kim had played off that her knees were too injured for her to go. It worked, but not without Neil sending her a nasty look. She had been working on finishing her novel when she decided she’d call her friend to check up on her instead.

“Sounds pretty hippie to me.” Addi teased over the phone. Kim rested her elbows on the counter, shaking her head as she looked up at the deer head that was staring into her soul. She turned, trying to shake her thoughts away. She tried to picture what her friend was doing at the moment.

Kim liked going to Addi’s house. It seemed like everyone got along and had a normal relationship. Most of all, she liked her friend's room where it was clear she was able to express herself however she wanted. Her walls were covered in posters, of different bands, actors and different charts of the moon. She had a big boom box and a TV that had stacks and stacks of random different CD’s and movies that she had collected throughout the years. Kim had never seen so much organized clutter in her life. 

“No way,” Kim pulled out a stool and sat down. She crossed her legs and then looked down at her scabbed knee. She felt a stabbing in her chest as it made her remember how she got it, specifically who she had been with. She missed Billy, “Neil hates hippies.” He had a weird fascination with complaining about them all the time. She wasn’t sure why and definitely couldn’t see him coming from a family background full of them. He was too rigid, to set in his ways. 

“You know what’s weird,” Kim could hear munching on the other end and figured her friend was snacking on something. She waited a second for her friend to continue, thinking she might have some sort of gossip to share, “Billy has been really nice to you lately.” Kim felt her heart sink into her stomach, and she quickly blinked, trying to understand why her friend would bring him up. She panicked for a second, worrying that Addi had caught onto something. 

“Huh? What do you mean?” Kim was trying to be as nonchalant as she possibly could. She darted her eyes around the room nervously, popping her knuckles as she tried to calm the nervous thumping in her heart. She moved her hand when she was done, holding the phone tightly as she listened to every word. 

Addi spoke calmly on the other end, like she hadn’t said anything wrong, “Just that you guys seem to get along better.” Addi sounded observant as she spoke, and Kim thought she might freak out again. She didn’t think that much had changed between her and Billy, but maybe it was more obvious than what she thought. 

“I think we just both grew up,” Kim tucked her hair behind her ear, looking around the room again as she tried to calm her stomach, “How are things going with Eddie?” Kim quickly changed the subject, not wanting to dance around the Billy topic anymore. She didn’t like the way Addi seemed to analyze her every time he was brought up. There was no reason for her to be suspicious, but Kim feared that she was.

“Oh, he’s lovely,” Addi smiled softly, munching on her chips again, “I’m glad you pushed us together at the party. I don’t think I would’ve really gone after him if you didn’t.” Kim smiled softly, adjusting the phone in her hands as she listened to her friend.

“I think you would have,” Kim admitted, smiling gleefully and wishing that Addi could see it, “I’m glad it worked out.” Addi was quiet for a moment and Kim pondered if she had said something wrong.

“Things could work out for you too.” Addi replied playfully over the phone and Kim was sure she was grinning from ear to ear, “It’s not too late to try Steve again.” Kim sighed softly, trying to hide her exasperated tone. She wasn’t sure how else she could say that she was happy in the position she was in. She liked being with Billy, even if she really wasn’t with him. 

“It’s not worth it, trust me. He’s seriously not interested and I’m fine with that.” Kim knew her words were true. This had been the first time she had spoken of him in days, and she no longer felt the similar feeling of butterflies flying in her stomach when she thought of him.

“Is it because of your guy?” Something about Billy being referred to as hers left her face hot and a tingle between her legs. She shifted, glancing sheepishly over her shoulder as she tried to deny it. Addi’s tone grew louder over the phone, like Kim had just proven her question to be true, “It so is.” 

“No,” Kim spoke quickly as she shook her head, knowing her feelings for Billy were too hard to explain, “It’s not like that. We just have sex, remember?” She desperately tried to remind Addi, feeling as if she was trying to reassure herself more than anything.

“You said he buys you things, that he cares for you,” Addi said, “It sounds like maybe there’s a little bit more between the two of you.” Kim felt her heart stop for a moment before she was able to shake away her accusation. She remembered her friend couldn’t see her as she spoke up again, shifting in her chair as her nerves gripped a hold of her. 

“He’s just being nice,” She tucked her hair behind her ear as she took another deep breath. She was praying for the beating in the side of her neck to go away. It was beginning to grow louder in her eardrums, drowning out Addi’s voice on the other end, “It doesn’t mean anything.” She wasn’t sure why it hurt to say that.

“Mhm,” Addi took a bite from another chip, “You keep mentioning that there’s no feelings, but I don’t believe you.” Kim played with her fingers, tracing shapes upon her bare thighs as she listened to Addi’s words. It made her worried as she began to overthink her relationship with Billy. Everything was still normal between the two of them. Nothing had changed. She was sure of it. 

Partially.

“It’s true,” She tried to convince her friend again, “I don’t like him like that.” She played with her fingers again, looking down at her lap while she took deep breaths to control the feeling building inside of her chest.

“Can you tell me anything about this guy?” Addi almost sounded frustrated as she began to slowly change the subject. Kim bit her lip, pulling her knees to her chest shyly as she thought about something she could share that wouldn’t reveal his identity.

“He has blue eyes, like really pretty blue eyes,” Kim gushed, thinking about how Billy’s eyes seemed to twinkle like stars, “They look better than lights.” She mumbled, pressing her fingers against her scabbed knees. She thought about how she used to have such a hard time keeping eye contact with him, thinking that he was too intense for her to look at. She looked forward to looking at him now, liking the way he seemed to drink her in.

“Oh?” Addi’s voice sounded excited as she listened “Tell me something else. Please, I’m dying here.” Addi begged. Kim exhaled softly, looking around the room as she tried to think of what to say. 

“I really like being around him,” Kim felt vulnerable as she spoke, and twirled her hair around a finger as she did so. She was trying not to focus on Addi’s curious ears and instead on the feelings that were bubbling inside of her chest, “It’s like I’m drawn to him, ya know? He makes me feel special, wanted. It’s like I could love a hundred different people, but they would never make me feel the way he does.” She was fully red now, staring ahead at the wall as her heart thumped in her chest. She wasn’t sure why she compared it to love because she didn’t love Billy.

There was no way she could love Billy.

They were too different, like night and day. They had different tastes in music, movies and the activities that they enjoyed doing. The only thing that they seemed to have in common was sex. Not to mention that their parents were married, so there was no way for them to be together anyways. Not like he would want to; he was adamant about no feelings.

She was trying to reassure herself but still felt a large storm brewing in the pit of her chest, shoving all of her feelings and thoughts around until they were a mumbled mess. She pulled at her fingers, unsure of how to handle what she was thinking at the moment. She gulped hard as she awaited her friend's words. 

“Just sex my ass, you have a crush on him,” Addi replied confidently, looking like she knew the absolute answer to the world’s trickiest question. Kim felt her jaw go slack, different words rushing to her tongue as she tried to defend herself and her words. That’s not what she meant, “Oh my god, you like him!” Kim was hot, her whole body engulfed in flames.

“No, I don’t,” She said quickly, sitting up a bit as her heart raced in her chest. She felt more out of breath now than she did when they had been on their hike, “I don’t like him, there’s no way.” She was more so trying to convince her than she was her friend. Kim was sure that Addi was wearing a smirk right now.

Kim was going to puke. She had been careful; she had made sure that she wouldn’t get her feelings mixed up with what their bodies were doing. She tried taking deep breaths, trying to calm the sickening feeling in her chest and stomach as she fanned herself. 

No matter how hard she tried to deny it, she knew that there was a reason she was constantly looking for Billy. There was a reason that she was already missing him so desperately even though she had been with him. Even her jealousy, her urge to constantly be touched by him suddenly made sense.

“Are you sure?” Kim could hear the playfulness in Addi’s tone, “You talk about him the same way I talk about Eddie. Actually, I think you talk about him a little bit more highly. It seems to me like you really like him.” Addi told her sweetly as she stabbed her words into Kim’s chest. Kim felt sick, wrapping her hands around her stomach as she rocked herself back and forth in her chair.

“I can’t.” She muttered, shaking her head no almost in defiance. Billy would be so angry if he knew what they were talking about right now. It would be even worse if he knew what she was thinking at the moment. She had promised him. She wasn’t supposed to get attached and she wasn’t supposed to have any feelings, yet here she was. 

“It’s okay to feel things,” Kim perked up a bit as she listened to her friend, thinking that she had someone else tell her that before, “If he doesn’t like you back then fuck him. You can always find better; you deserve someone that loves you.” Kim listened to Addi cautiously, unsure of what to say. She knew Addi was right, but it was hard to accept. Kim didn’t want to let Billy go. No matter what was happening between them. She wanted him to be hers and she wasn’t sure if she would risk saying anything about her feelings to him.

Then again, she wasn’t sure if there were any feelings. She was probably just emotionally drained from the trip and now she was overthinking everything. 

“Hey, they’re coming back” Kim said instead, she stuck her long legs out and placed her feet back on the floor, “I better go before Neil flips out.” She lied, knowing that they would still be gone for a long time. Addi hesitated on the other line.

“Alright, keep me updated though. I miss your face.” Kim didn’t even have the energy to reply as Addi hung the phone up on her. She hoped she didn’t sound rude, but she felt like she was having a crisis. Kim slammed the phone down quickly, rushing up the stairs as the nauseating feeling too over. She took two at a time, slamming the bedroom door open before rushing to the bathroom. Her heart was pumping hard in the corner of her neck and in her wrists. Her face was sweaty and red when she looked in the mirror. She shut the door quickly, locking it even though no one else was in the house. 

Kim turned on the cold water, dipping her face low in the sink and scrubbing it over her skin. She was hoping it would shock her out of her own feelings, make her wake up and realize she was being silly. She didn’t like Billy. There was no way she could like Billy.

Then, she thought of the way his nose scrunched up when he smiled. The way the sun glittered off of his tanned skin and how he always listened to his music too loud. She thought of how patient he had been with her recently, how he had let her drive his car. She thought of the way he defended her without thought and always asked her if she was comfortable after sex. She thought of the way her hands burned when they touched and how his lips felt against hers.

Her thoughts smacked her in the face as she stared at the mirror stunned, the water dripping from her face. She took in Addi’s words. thinking of how Addi had compared Kim’s situation to her own. Her heart was pounding roughly in her chest, her whole body warm as the feeling completely engulfed her in a tight hug that left her gasping for air. She stared at the mirror, her eyes widened and mouth agape.

Oh fuck.

She cared about Billy. And not just in the way that made her concerned about his future or how he was feeling. She cared about him in the way that she shouldn’t. He was the first person she thought of when she awoke and the last person she thought of when she went to sleep. He was constantly in her dreams. The idea and feeling of him was swimming around her even when he was gone. If she concentrated right now, she could smell him, taste his skin.

She suddenly understood the feeling in her chest and why her heartbeat so fast when she was around him. She understood the way that she felt sparks when their hands met and how she was constantly searching for his approval. She understood the need of wanting to be near him all the time.

She had a crush on her stepbrother. 

She bit down on her fist hard, muffling her scream with her hand. Her heart was racing, stomach twisting with nerves as the sound of her pulse filled her eardrums. She was far beyond being fucked. Her fist ached from how hard she had bitten it.

She looked back in the mirror, looking at her panic-stricken face and dilated eyes as she tried to make sense of how she had managed to fall for him. He was the complete opposite of what she wanted. He was brash, cold at times and always quick to anger. 

Then again, she also knew that he was kind and gentle towards her. He had been patient before and obviously remembered much more about her than he cared to show. He always checked in on her, he had defended her from Neil at his own cost. Her list of the positives kept getting longer and longer as she pushed her red hair out of her face. She was sure she was going to lose her insanity as her realization of the truth grew deeper and spread throughout her whole body. 

She liked Billy, she really liked Billy.

And it scared her. She wasn’t sure how she was supposed to act around him now, knowing that she had crossed the line and developed feelings. It had only been a few days since they had once again discussed their terms in their relationship. This was just sex. Just sex. She wasn’t supposed to actually fall for him. She wasn’t supposed to be the type of girl that would fall for her stepbrother. She kept picturing her family's disappointed and disgusted faces if they found out, but more importantly, she thought of Billy’s. He would be so mad. She could already see his reaction; how upset he would be that she had crossed the one line that he had clearly set. 

She was panicking as she left the room, taking two steps at a time. She didn’t even care if she tumbled down them. She needed fresh air, somewhere to think that wasn’t trapped between four walls. She stepped out into the muggy air, breathing in and out deeply as she tried to clear her mind. She was still trying to convince herself that she was lying, that she didn’t actually care for Billy that way.

The steps down the hill felt harder and she walked around, pacing to get her mind away from everything that she had just realized. Her feet felt heavy as she moved, as if she had cement blocks attached to her legs. Her heart was beating two different rhythms, one of pure delight and one of complete and utter fear. She was afraid Billy would see right through her and know just what she was thinking.

“Took you long enough.” He surprised her at the corner of the cabin, leaning against the wall as he smoked. All of her worries faded away as her heartbeat happily inside her chest, as she looked at him. Her eyes trailed up from his jeans to his white tank he was wearing. She felt her eyes lingering along his golden skin. 

“Huh?” She snapped out of it after a second, pulling her eyes hesitantly to his blue ones. She could hear her heart beating roughly inside of her as she lingered in his eyes. She thought she’d see him in a new light, but it was exactly the same. It pained her, making her think that these feelings had lingered a lot longer than she had realized. She had really messed up, “You were waiting for me?” She felt like she asked too softly, too full of feelings. Billy put out his cigarette against the side of the cabin before tossing it to the ground. He stepped forward, looking at her the same way that he always did, tucking her hair behind her ears and stealing the air from her lungs.

“Of course,” Billy cupped her cheek softly, a mischievous smirk playing on his lips, “You took fucking forever upstairs.” He chuckled, moving his hand to cup her face softly. She had a slight moment of panic before she realized that he hadn’t known she was on the phone, so he wasn’t able to know any context of her conversation. She relaxed in his hands, swearing she was going to melt into a puddle at his feet. His blue eyes flickered from her hazel ones and down to her lips. She knew she was breathing too hard, sinking too hard against his touch. 

She felt her walls break down, too preoccupied with the feeling of him to care about anyone who may be lingering nearby. It was wrong, so wrong but her heart could care less at the moment. He leaned forward, almost as if he was doubtful before he grazed his lips against hers. It took only a second for any of his doubts to fade away as he pressed himself closer to her and deepened their kiss. Kim’s heart and stomach were taking turns doing somersaults as she held her hands to her chest. He peppered his lips against hers repeatedly, urging her to match his movements.

“Can’t,” She tried to speak between his kisses, feeling her heart clenching in anger at her words, “Someone could see.” She mumbled softly, looking up at him full of endearment. He smirked, rubbing his thumb across her bottom lip.

“Always so worried,” Billy squeezed her face in his hands again before slowly stepping back and picking up her bag. She stared at the way his muscles flexed, feeling a twisting feeling in her stomach, “Come on. Everyone else is gone. They went horseback riding.” It took her a moment to regain her footing, to be able to step forward and follow him inside the cabin. She watched the way he moved, staring at his broad shoulders as her heart continued to beat heavily in her chest. She had never wanted to hold onto someone so strongly before. She felt as if her heart may give out if she didn’t do something with him. It didn’t even have to be sex; she was desperate for any type of touch from him. 

“Horseback riding?” She questioned as she walked inside and was greeted with the cold air blowing against her face. He nodded, looking over his shoulder at her.

“Forgot my wallet,” He said mischievously, “So I got to come back.” She inhaled the look on his face. She was glad he was back with her but felt bad at the same time. Neil had been more than willing to treat Max and Kim to special things when he had done the complete opposite the other day. Kim thought about the miniature pony at the Fun Fair and how excited Billy had been to see it. 

She glanced around the empty house, unsure of why she felt so glad to be back inside of it. She really did think it was ugly. Her eyes trailed forward, watching Billy walk forward and she realized that it wasn’t the house that she had missed. It was something more. 

She followed him up the staircase, lingering her fingers against the wooden railing. She was sure this was a bad idea. They had just talked about not having any feelings and here she was, feeling everything for him. The more she was alone with him, the more she was sure that he would see right through her. 

“I’m glad you came back,” She panicked, glancing around the room and hoping that she didn’t sound like she cared that much. She shuffled, picking up some of the mess that had fallen from the bed when she had been sprawled out reading earlier. She never felt too embarrassed about the state of her room before but was now worried that it would be too messy from him, “I should wash my clothes.” She was mumbling and she didn’t know why as she reached forward to fiddle with the straps of her bag that she had left out on the mattress. He stopped her, looking at her curiously.

“You’re acting weird.” He said plainly, so simply that she was sure that he had caught onto what she was feeling. She felt her eyebrows widen in surprise and worry and she quickly shook her head no, to deny anything that he may be trying to accuse her of. Just because she had feelings for him doesn’t mean that she had to tell him. 

“You’re weird,” She fumbled with one side of her bag strap with her fingers as he held onto the other side with a strong grip. He shook it softly, demanding her attention as she snapped her eyes back up to him. He was watching her curiously, “I didn’t mean that.” She breathed out slowly, freezing in her spot as he took a step towards her.

“Did something happen?” He tilted his head softly as he watched her, an expression of worry crossing over his pretty features. She blanched before she shook her head quickly, not wanting Billy to have another reason to worry about her. 

“No,” She shook her head quickly, denying whatever he may be thinking, “I guess I just didn’t sleep very well.” She thought of a quick lie, trying to tame the sensation in her chest. Billy observed her for a moment, and she feared he could see through everything she had just said. She felt as if she was his favorite book that he knew all of the lines to, from front to back. 

“What, I didn’t fuck you good enough last night?” His question surprised her, but so did the grin on his face. She laughed softly, pushing her hair out of her face as she shrugged her shoulders. She glanced back at him.

“No, I’m pretty sure you know you did that perfectly well.” She teased back, watching the way his blue eyes lit up in amusement. She felt a rush traveling to her core as she remembered last night and the thunderstorm that had rolled over them. She was sure she was going to be embarrassed in the morning after not being able to be quiet, but he never made her feel that way. She always felt so comfortable, so freeing with him.

He took a hold of her face, cupping her cheeks softly before he placed his lips on hers again. She let her thoughts of dread of worry disappear as she found herself lost in his movement. There was something that felt right about kissing him, about being wrapped up in his arms. He licked across her bottom lip, pulling away slowly and she wondered if he could feel everything that she was thinking through her skin.

He tugged on her shirt softly, pulling it over her head in a swift motion. She blinked slowly, holding her fingers tightly together as she resisted the urge to cover her chest with her hands. Her feelings were making her overthink, making her feel shyer than what she needed to be. She was comfortable with him; she had been for a while now. Yet now she felt like they were beginning again. That they were starting over in a different way, and he was seeing her in a completely different way. 

Only, he wasn’t aware of any of her new feelings. He was blissfully unaware of anything that had changed between them. She felt so dumb.

“S’okay,” He seemed to realize that something was different as he traced his tanned fingers down her pale skin, “You’re so beautiful, Kim. Don’t be shy.” He dipped his head down again, kissing her sweetly. She moved her lips in unison, trying to keep herself from melting against him too freely. 

It didn’t work. She was like liquid in his hands, becoming his own little puddle he could use however he wanted. She was lost in his touch, in the feeling of him against her. He sucked on her bottom lip, biting it gently while he worked on unbuttoning her shorts. She slid them off of her ankles, watching him unsure of what she should do. Her heart was beating harder than ever as he observed her, and she so desperately wished she had a chance to know what he was feeling right now.

“Let’s go swimming,” He murmured against her lips, taking her by surprise as he bent to kiss her again. She pulled away from him slowly, looking up curiously into his blue eyes, “It’ll be fun.” She was sure it would be but didn’t understand why he would be undressing her and not doing anything sexual with her.

“Okay,” She breathed out slowly and nodded her head in agreement, “Sure, that does sound like fun.” He slid his warm hands around her naked skin, giving her flesh a soft squeeze before he pulled away again. She was slightly stunned, taken aback by how he wasn’t trying to fuck her right now. It was different.

“How are your knees?” He questioned her softly as she made her way to the closet. She pulled out one of the swimming suits her mom had gotten for her, not wanting to risk the bikini in case her mom said something else about it. She glanced towards him as she slid it on.

“They’re fine,” She glanced towards him then quickly looked away, feeling her cheeks burning at the sight of him naked. She wasn’t sure she’d be able to survive looking at him shirtless with these new feelings swirling around in her chest, “I’m okay.” She breathed out after a second, hoping that she wasn’t giving herself completely away.

She swallowed a lump in the back of her throat when she thought about just telling him. She wished it would be something that he could accept and return the same feelings back towards her. She knew it wouldn’t be, however. It would be a disaster and he would end up hating her. She was sure of that.

“Where’d you go?” He was suddenly behind her, pulling her red hair out of her face. His hands sneaked around her waist as he held onto her. Her skin lit into flames, and she cursed herself for reacting so easily to him. She blinked again, turning towards him and not really having an idea of what to say. 

“I was just thinking,” She hated the way she soaked into his touch as he rested his chin against her bare shoulder. She just so willingly moved against him; it was frustrating. She wasn’t sure how she was supposed to hide any feelings from him when everything he did left her wanting more, “I don’t know if you’d like the answer.” She admitted slowly after he kept looking at her with curious eyes. He observed her for a moment before leaning forward and pressing a sweet kiss to her lips. He was making everything so hard for her.

“You need sunscreen, so you don’t burn” He chuckled softly against her ear, lingering one last kiss to the side of her face before he left. She stared after him as she rubbed her hands across her face in frustration, unsure of how she was supposed to continue to act like nothing was wrong. She kept trying to remind herself that it was just a crush, and it would eventually go away. Just like her feelings for Steve had, she could get over Billy too. She could keep it a secret that long. She just wasn’t sure how to make sure nothing else developed while the rest of their relationship stayed exactly the same, “Are you sure you’re okay?” He handed her the bottle and she took it gently, making sure to keep their hands from touching.

“Yeah,” She did her best to sound okay, like everything was normal and fine. She wished it was, she wished she wasn’t so stuck inside of her head. She exhaled softly, beginning to rub the cold sunscreen on her arms, “It’s just been a weird day I guess.” Billy looked up at her in amusement.

“Why’s that?” She wondered if the reason he was being so talkative was from her lack of ability. She gulped hard again, trying to think of a way to tell him how she was feeling without having to tell him exactly how she was feeling.

“I don’t know,” Kim said instead, still lingering on the bad things that could happen if she truly said what she felt, “Just thinking about a lot of different things I guess.” She mumbled, looking into the mirror as she scrubbed the sunscreen on her face. She glanced at him through the mirror, watching the curious look on his face.

“You can tell me if something’s wrong,” He spoke up again and she quickly turned away, not wanting to feel so exposed at the moment, “Is something wrong?” She quickly shook her head no, sending her best enthused look towards him. 

“No,” She walked closer, wrapping her small arms around his body, “I’m just upset with my mom still.” She was surprised at how he didn’t feel stiff in her arms, how easily he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her closer to his chest. She breathed in the smell of him, wondering if she would truly be able to get over him one day. It was odd, she wanted to be far away from him to hide her feelings, but it was like he was the only one who could comfort her. Even if he didn’t know what it was about. 

“I don’t think your mom is the one making all of those rules,” His body felt warm on her skin as he held onto her, “Are you sure you want to go swimming? We could do something else?” He offered. She let her head rest against his warm chest.

“Ice cream sounds good,” She mumbled, “There’s nothing good here to eat.” He pulled away, smirking down at her.

“Let’s go get ice cream then,” She looked at him confused, knowing full well that his keys were hidden away, “We can take my dad's car, come on.” He started to change again, and she stared after him horrified.

“Billy, if he finds out,” She wasn’t sure if she wanted to finish her sentence, “We’d get in trouble.” She told him seriously, watching the way he tossed her clothes back at her. He grinned.

“They’ll be gone for hours, trust me,” He changed quickly, not wasting any time while she lingered with her clothes in her hands, “Come on, I’ll meet you downstairs.” He patted her backside before he was rushing down the stairs. She got an odd feeling in her stomach as she changed back out of her swimming suit. She began to change into her clothes from earlier, then decided against it. She went into the side of the closet, pulling out the yellow dress and sliding it on. It was the same one that she had worn when Billy had gotten completely wasted. She tried not to think of Jason as she walked out the door. She felt as if she was having a crisis inside of her as she made her way down the steps.

Billy wiggles Neil’s car keys as she approached him apprehensive. His eyes lingered over her long legs, slowly tracing the curve of her body before he glanced towards her rosy features. She was still unsure if this was a good idea, “Don’t worry so much. If he finds out, he’ll just have an excuse to hit me.” He was grinning from cheek to cheek, but Kim didn’t find it very humorous.

“Billy,” She sighed softly, “I don’t want that to happen to you.” She told him earnestly. He pinched the side of her cheek softly, squeezing her face in his hand.

“Nothing will happen to me. We won’t be long. Come on, you look pretty.” His voice was soft as he walked out the door behind her. She brushed her hair out of her face, smiling back at him.

“Thank you,” She mumbled, walking down the steep hill to Neil’s car. She glanced towards Billy’s Camaro, wondering how badly he wished he could drive in it, “You’re sure about this?” She reached for the door handle at the same time he did. She pulled away first, her chest swelling as he opened it for her.

“We’ll be back way before they are,” He promised, walking around the front of Neil’s car as she slid onto the hot seat, “Don’t worry so much.” She had a hard time doing that. She had about a million different worries swarming in her chest, most of them revolving around him.

“Okay,” She exhaled softly, trying not to laugh at the difference in the music that was playing. Neil had always referred to Billy’s music as satanic. She thought it was weird, considering she had only seen Neil in a church once before, “Are there even any ice cream shops?” She wasn’t even sure how to get into town. Billy shrugged, using one hand to reverse while he rested the other against the back of her seat and looked over his shoulder to see where he was going. 

“Guess we’ll find out.” Billy grinned at her, heading back up the dirt road they had come from. Kim kept expecting them to pass by Neil’s angry face, but they didn’t see one figure near them. She glanced at him, feeling like they were in their own little world. She would follow along with him blindly, even if they turned up nowhere. 

She was too nervous to mess with the radio in case they couldn’t find the station again and Billy seemed to be thinking the same thing as he didn’t touch it once. Kim was sure that Neil’s music taste had to be worse than hers, but Billy never spoke up. It was oddly quiet, but not in an awkward way. It was almost relaxing. 

Her pulse quickened when he reached his hand across the console and rested his hand on her thigh. She stared for a moment then quickly turned, praying he wouldn’t move his hand away. She rested her elbow on the armrest, covering her mouth with her hand as she hid her grinning face from him. She was almost sure that he had to feel something for her if he was being this touchy. She was still too afraid to ask and was completely ready to die with the question inside of her. 

The town slowly came into view, not that there was much to it. It was probably half the size of Hawkins, with close compacted buildings spread out on each side. Billy parked against the side of the street, and she could feel herself growing frustrated as he moved his hand away from her skin.

“There’s one up there,” He pointed forward and she squinted, reading the Ice Cream label on the outside of the shop, “Not bad luck.” He stepped out and she took her time unbuckling, hoping that he would open her door for her again. She smiled when he did, feeling as if they were oddly monogamous at the moment. She knew it was wrong, she even felt like she was taking advantage of him. However, he had no clue what was crossing inside her thoughts, and she figured that couldn’t hurt. 

“You were right,” She admitted, watching him closely to make sure that his head didn’t get too big from her compliment, “I love ice cream.” She sighed wistfully as they walked inside. He glanced at her amused.

“I think you like sugar,” He told her as she walked up to the glass pane that had all of the flavors behind it. She was disappointed that she didn’t see any mint, but decided she’d get strawberry instead, “What do you want?” He asked, looking down with her. 

“Strawberry is fine with me,” She glanced towards the worker that was waiting for them, “What about you?” He shrugged.

“Just vanilla,” He moved forward, beginning to order for them. She felt sheepish again, realizing she hadn’t brought any money with her, “Do you want anything else?” She shook her head no quickly, feeling bad for how often he had to pay for her.

“I’ll pay you back,” She offered, watching as the worker began to scoop out their ice cream, “For everything.” She added quickly. He gave her an odd look.

“I don’t need your money,” He told her and then furrowed his eyebrows, “I mean, this is cheap anyways. I don’t mind paying for you.” He mumbled, handing her the strawberry cone. She was careful not to brush her hands against his as she took it from him.

“Can we eat outside?” She asked, trying not to think too much about his words. She wasn’t sure what to label him when he was buying everything for her. He nodded, taking a long lick against the side of his cone as he followed her out. She thought it was pretty out, even if it was a bit muggy from the rain yesterday.

“This okay?” He pulled a chair out for her, and she thought about kicking it. She didn’t understand why he was being so sweet. She was feeling guilty from their conversation about not having feelings when she clearly was. She licked at her ice cream, darting her eyes away as she nodded her head quickly. She sat down, crossing her legs and wondering if he knew how hard he was making this for her. 

“It’s nice out,” She smiled at him, licking around her ice cream cone. He watched her, his eyes lingering and she found herself wiggling her eyebrows at him. He rolled his blue eyes dramatically, but still smiled at her, “Is this better than horseback riding?”

“Way better,” Billy smiled brightly, reaching across the table and pressing his fingers against her own, “I wouldn’t be anywhere else.” Her body grew warm and not from the sun or from flushing. It was the growing feelings inside of her chest that seemed to be spreading. She fought back a groan, realizing he was completely oblivious to what she was feeling.

“Where was your first date?” She asked him, licking the side of her ice cream cone as he stared at her. It felt silly, sitting outside with him with a dress on and their hands linked across the table. She was sure to anyone else that they definitely didn’t look like their parents were married. He looked up at her, raising his eyebrow softly.

“It was at the arcade,” She tilted her head, not remembering him ever really playing video games before, “Babysitter. She was trying to think of what boys my age would like. What about you?” He laughed, liking the side of his cone before the vanilla mess could drip onto his hands. Kim stared for a moment, feeling uneasy at his words. She wondered if that was the beginning of his infatuation with older women. 

“I’ve never been on a date.” She shrugged, chewing on a part of a strawberry that had been in her ice cream. She did her best to make sure she didn’t look like she was judging him. In reality, she was having a hard time thinking about what a grown babysitter would have in common with someone at that age. He looked at her curiously.

“You’ve never been on a date?” She shook her head no, feeling a bit bashful under his watchful eye, “Come on, be serious.” She could feel the humiliation crawling forward. She didn’t want to be remembered for her lack of experiences. 

“I am being serious,” She breathed out slowly, “I was a virgin when you met me. I’ve never been on a date before.” He stopped licking at his ice cream cone as he observed her.

“Ever?” She exhaled and nodded along, answering his question, “Why not?” He tilted his head, and she felt her shoulders slump, unsure of what he wanted her to say. No one had ever liked her in that way before, well except for Tommy it seemed like.

“No one has asked me,” She went back to munching on the side of her ice cream cone, pretending that she wasn’t embarrassed talking about this, “It’s not that big of a deal.” She mumbled. 

“You could call this a date,” She snapped her eyes up and he looked at her, almost horrified as if he couldn’t believe that he had said that either, “Only so you can mark it off of your dumb little book.” He grumbled, turning away from her as he finished the rest of his ice cream. She felt her heart pound in her chest hard once, then twice before a giddy grin grew over her face. She was too excited to tell him about how that book had been long disposed of and instead went along with it. She had no idea how she was supposed to survive hiding her feelings from him when he did things like this to her. 

“Okay,” She tried not to sound too excited as she went back to licking her ice cream, savoring the sweet taste in her mouth, “Then this was my first date.” He glanced at her before looking back at the table and she swore she noticed a hint of red in his cheeks.

“Just don’t tell your future husband that,” He grumbled, shoving his hair out of his face when the wind picked his curls up. She was trying to act cool and relaxed but was sure her giddy grin was written all over her face, “You really weren’t on a date with Steve?” He questioned her and she shook her head no.

“Nope,” She replied happily, not even bothered with the cold feeling on her teeth, “You’re my first, in just about everything.” She admitted shyly, watching the way his eyes flickered around her features. She had a burning sensation to crawl over the table and kiss him.

“At least I know you won’t forget about me,” He teased her playfully. She let the strawberry liquid drip into her hand but didn’t care as she watched him. She wished he could know that she could live thousands of different lifetimes and never forget about him. She was sure they were branded together, stuck by an invisible line of string that kept getting more and more twisted, “You’re melting.” He told her, handing her a wad of napkins. She widened her eyes, looking at how it dripped onto the table. She licked at her messy fingers, trying to get as much off of her skin as she could. She popped the rest of the cone in her mouth, chewing it quickly as she tried to get the sticky feeling from her hands by using the napkins. When she looked up, Billy was staring at her intensely.

“What?” She sounded almost insecure as she dabbed the napkin across the table to clean it. He cleared his throat and shook his head no, letting her know that it was nothing. She felt her fingers twitch but decided not to pry again, knowing it was for the best. 

“You’re cute,” He chuckled as he stood from his chair, “Let’s walk around?” He asked and she quickly nodded her head, standing so she could throw away the napkins. She’d go anywhere with him.

“It’s a nice town,” She tried to make small talk as they walked together, their fingers brushing against each other as they walked. She had the urge to lock their fingers together, “Not as nice as San Diego though.” Kim was surprised when she turned around and Billy was already watching her. 

“I miss it too,” He admitted, taking her by surprise and wrapping his fingers in hers. She stared up at him surprised, her eyes widening, “Relax. No one knows us.” Her heart thumped hard and she exhaled slowly, realizing that he was right. They could almost be normal, like they were a couple.

Even though they weren’t.

She tried not to let that dampen her thoughts as they strolled together. The wind picked at her dress, blowing softly in the warm air. The sun beat down on them, but Kim didn’t mind, too focused on the feeling of her hand in his. It felt nice not having to worry about what other people were thinking.

“Have you ever been in love before?” She blurted out, overtaken by her thoughts to not ask him. He turned her in surprise, the sun dancing off of his golden skin as he watched her with an expression she didn’t understand. 

“Like with someone else?” She nodded her head, unsure of what she wanted his answer to be. He observed her for a moment, stopping next to a basket of potted flowers. She watched with widened eyes as he picked one from the soil and glanced around in fear that someone would yell at him for doing so.

“No,” He tucked the flower into her hair. It was yellow, with soft orange tints inside the petals, “I’ve never loved someone else.” She did her best not to appear crestfallen, like she was perfectly okay with knowing that he had no feelings towards her. 

“Oh,” She breathed out slowly, “Me either.” She added hastily, hoping to remove the dreamy look from her eyes. She looked down at the pavement in front of them, trying to clear her thoughts before they moved again. He tapped her chin gently with his finger, making her look back at him. His blue eyes were unreadable, some emotion trapped deep inside of them that she didn’t try to understand.

He didn’t say anything as he leant forward, kissing her soft and slow. Her heart thumped to the rhythm of his, matching him in every way possible as their lips moved in unison. His hands found her waist softly, squeezing her towards him as they explored each other. It seemed that each time Kim was sure he couldn’t kiss her any softer, he proved her wrong. 

“Damn kids.” An older man shoved past them, knocking into her shoulder as he pushed them apart. His eyes sharpened into Kim before he was rushing past. Kim felt Billy stiffen up and broaden his shoulders. An older lady followed shortly behind, sneering up at them.

“You should wait until you’re married.” She sent Kim a disdainful look, leaving Kim wondering why Billy hadn’t received any of the looks that she had. She glanced up at his angry face, feeling a bit worried.

“Hey, asshole!” Billy shouted after him and Kim gripped a hold of his wrist, afraid that he was going to go after the older man, “I can’t marry her, she’s my sister.” He responded dryly, a smirk forming on his face as the older lady’s eyes widened in horror. Kim felt her whole body warm as she stared at him.

“What is wrong with you?” She hissed out, covering her face in humiliation. He cackled in laughter, wrapping his arm around her shoulders and bringing her towards him.

“I’m sure she thinks I’m just fucking with her,” He told her, patting the top of her red hair gently, “It’s true though.” She groaned into his chest, hiding her face into the crook of his neck. He swayed her gently, his chest still moving with laughter.

“I hate you,” She was lying, her words were all untrue as she held onto him. Her lips curled into a smile against the crook of her neck. She knew that her feelings were the complete opposite than hate, “You’re embarrassing.” She pulled away, careful as she tucked her hair behind her ear so she wouldn’t knock the flower from her head. He smiled softly at her.

“Are you ready to go back then?” He questioned her and she shrugged softly, feeling like they hadn’t been gone too long. She didn’t want to get in trouble, but she also didn’t want to leave this moment with him. 

“Sure, can we get another snack? I want a coke or something.” She took a hold of his hand again, figuring she was allowed to since he held hers earlier. He grinned down at her, nodding his head. 

“Something sweet, I’m assuming,” Billy walked with her again, “I think there was a drug store near where we parked.” She felt giddy walking next to him, hoping that he couldn’t see how excited that she was at the moment. She glanced at him again, feeling like he was sunshine walking next to her. 

“Thank you,” She responded as he held the door open for her. She walked inside, enjoying the cold air inside the store. She headed back to the drink section, pulling out a can of coke. Billy walked past her, pulling out a few cans of beer. She gave him a look, “Make sure you hide those from Neil.” He winked at her, walking past her again. She moved down towards the candy aisle, grabbing a bag of skittles. 

“Always with a handful of candy,” He teased her, pulling her items onto the counter. She still felt bad about him having to pay for her all the time, “Can I get a pack of Marlboro Reds?” The blonde cashier smiled brightly at him, popping a piece of gum as she nodded. Kim glanced around, trying not to let it bother her. She wondered if she looked at him the same way.

“Anything else, handsome?” Kim thought that her voice was too sweet but figured it was her jealousy speaking. Billy turned towards her, a hint of a smile on his lips.

“You want anything else, baby?” She thought she might bite her fist as the word bounced around inside of her. He called her baby. She felt the familiar flush of her skin as she shook her head no, knowing her words would fail her at the moment. She couldn’t hide the grin as he pulled the wallet from his pants. She watched the irritated expression cross over the blonde girl’s face before she pushed the change towards him.

“Thank you,” She felt way too giddy as they made their way back to the car. She felt like she had been spoiled. He had allowed himself to be her first date, gotten her another flower and called her baby. He wasn’t helping any of the feelings that were happening inside of her, “I really appreciate it.” He opened the door for her and she was almost nervous as she slid inside the car. Her heart beat for him.

“No problem.” He shrugged off her thanks as he got inside the car. He started it, looking over his shoulder as he reversed. She didn’t want to go back, wishing that they could stay here. She liked that no one seemed to know what they were. It was a comfortable silence as they drove back and she relaxed against the seat, watching as the green trees passed by them. She thought of the college applications that she had been thinking of applying to for next year. She glanced towards him, thinking of how hard it would be to leave him behind. She pressed a few skittles into her mouth, trying not to think about it too much. A lot could happen by then. 

“Can I ask you something?” She pulled her legs under her as she sat in the chair. She glanced at Billy’s uncertain features before he nodded. She took a deep breath, thinking of the best way to phrase her question, “Why did we have to move here? I mean, I’m not trying to place any blame,” She said quickly, “My mom just said it was something that happened between you and Max.” He shifted in his seat, looking like he wasn’t expecting such a heavy question from her.

“It was my fault,” He spoke finally, just as she was beginning to think of ways to change the awkward topic, “I lost control and my dad needed a shorter leash on me.” He mumbled, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel. She noticed how he wouldn’t smoke inside this car.

“Oh,” She wasn’t sure what she was expecting. Billy was one of few words, “I’m sorry.” She really didn’t know what else to add. She wanted to know what exactly he meant but didn’t want him to feel bad at the same time. He seemed like he wasn’t fully ready to let her in and that was fine. She just hoped that he would one day.

“When Max ran away the first time, I was supposed to be watching her. My dad did what he usually does,” Billy finally spoke up and she noticed a far away look in his eyes, “I don’t know, I guess I had finally had enough. It feels like I can’t ever do anything to please him.” She listened to the way his tone changed, how he sounded softer when he spoke. She felt her heart twisting hard as she realized she had lived in complete bliss to what he had gone through.

“I’m so sorry, Billy,” She told him earnestly, knowing he didn’t deserve the way that he had been treated his entire life. Even at the anger she felt at her mother at the moment, Susan had never done anything like that to them, “You didn’t deserve it.” He shrugged his shoulders, not saying anything else as the driveway to the cabin came back into view. She had a sudden urge to hug him but kept to herself, unsure of how he’d react when he seemed to be so vulnerable at the moment. 

“See, no one’s back,” He changed the subject seamlessly, smiling that bright smile at her as he made sure everything in the car was in perfect order before he shut it off. She nodded, trying to smile back but failing to do so. He moved quicker than she could, pulling her door open for her, “You were worried about nothing.” She glanced up at him with a smile, shaking her head and knowing that she had a ton to be worried about. He winked at her, taking her hand in his.

“You didn’t want to ride a horse?” She questioned as they walked inside the house. He smiled towards her, squeezing her bottom as he walked inside. She squealed softly, clutching her half empty bag of skittles. She sipped on her coke. 

“I’d rather have you ride me.” He smirked, earning a red face from her. She sputtered for a moment, fidgeting in his spot as he returned his father’s keys back to where they belonged. Kim giggled softly, pushing her hair behind her head as she watched him. She leaned against the couch, resting her midsection against the back of it.

“Oh really?” She felt a giddy feeling rising in her chest as she realized he hadn’t turned back simply because he didn’t have a wallet, it was because of her. She resisted the urge to kick her legs and squeal as her heart pitter pattered inside of her chest. 

“Yeah,” He crossed the couch, bending over to press his rough lips on her soft ones. Her heart soared in her chest, swaying to the beat of him. She thought he felt perfect, fitting against her like they were puzzle pieces, like he was the other half of her, “You’re the most enjoyable thing about this place.” She watched him cautiously, trying not to get her hopes high. 

“I think you’re full of it,” She admitted, glancing down at his lips. They were standing so close to each other that she could feel his warmth slipping against her. She urged to reach out and hold onto him, to fit against him again, “It’s okay though.” His blue eyes flickered over her expression, he had a half smile on his lips. 

“You’re not very good at listening to me,” He told her seriously, cupping her soft cheeks in his hands and pulling her towards him. He peppered a kiss on her lips again, rubbing his thumb across her freckled face, “That’s okay though.” He repeated her same words back to her, his lips brushing against hers ever so softly. She felt her heart fluttering in her chest, like there were wings connected to her heart. 

“I listen,” She protested softly, feeling timid under his gaze. She hated to admit how badly she liked the way he watched her. She liked when he looked at her like there was no one else to compare her to, “Sometimes.” She added at the end, smiling when he traced the curve of her lips. It was quiet for a moment before he glanced up at her again.

“Kim, I-,” He was cut off by the sound of footsteps stomping up the porch steps. He pulled away, quickly making his way towards the kitchen. She sat down on the couch, glancing over her shoulder as she wondered what he was going to say. Her stomach curled in curiosity, wishing they had more time together.

Max bounced inside the house first, looking excited as Susan and Neil followed shortly behind. Kim watched at the close distance Neil kept to her mother and she felt a sense of dread filling inside of her.

“Guess what we did?” Max jumped next to Kim, sitting on her knees as she sat near her. Kim placed her legs underneath herself as she looked at her younger sister playfully, pretending that she didn’t know what they did.

“What?” She rested her hand on her cheek, watching the excitement bubbling in Max’s blue eyes. She was practically bouncing off the walls from how joyful she looked. 

“I got to ride a horse!” Max proclaimed, looking pretty proud of herself, “It kind of hurt actually.” She admitted as she rubbed her thighs. Kim laughed softly, smiling at her.

“I bet that was fun,” Kim told her honestly. She would’ve gone had she known that they were actually going to do something fun like that and not just walk around. Then again, she was sure that Neil wouldn’t have paid for Billy. She didn’t think it was quite fair for him to be left out of everything, “What else should we do?” She asked, trying to think of ways to entertain her little sister.

“Billy,” Kim’s gaze looked over her shoulder as Neil approached the blonde boy in the kitchen, “Let’s go talk for a moment.” Susan smiled sweetly at him, but Kim watched the way her lips twitched. Neil was holding onto the side of her waist, standing behind her. Kim felt sick again, not liking that Billy would be alone with the two of them. He didn’t even spare a glance towards Kim as he followed them back, looking anything but concerned. 

“We’re camping tonight,” Max said simply, staring at her older sister as she turned to look at her, “Don’t be a baby about it either. It’ll be the three of us.” Kim tried not to complain, but the thought of sleeping on the hard ground outside, surrounded by bugs and who knows what else, didn’t sound that fun.

“I wasn’t going to be a baby about it,” Kim defended herself quickly, ignoring the look her sister gave her, “Mom and Neil didn’t want to join?” She teased, watching the way the younger girl rolled her blue eyes. She glanced back over her shoulder, noticing the door was shut. 

“I didn’t ask them,” Max stated, “We need to set up the tent though.” Kim looked back at Max, moving her feet back onto the floor. 

“I don’t know how to set up a tent.” She responded, clueless as she rose from the couch. Max shrugged her shoulders, an ecstatic look on her face.

“It can’t be too hard,” Max pulled on her older sister’s hand gently, nudging her towards the door. Kim nodded as she followed along, but still glanced back in worry over what her mom and Neil may be speaking to Billy about. She hoped it wasn’t anything bad, “Come on.” Max bounded outside, the door slamming shut behind her. Kim looked around as she stepped down from the steps, surprised that there was no mud on the ground. She figured it must’ve been a pretty dry season if the rain hadn’t stuck to anything. 

“So you stick these in the ground?” Kim asked after a moment of reading and rereading from the instruction manual. Max was holding onto the tent awkwardly, shrugging her shoulders as she began to spread out the blue material. Kim watched her, not quite thinking she was doing it right.

“Put the rectangle sheet down first,” Billy told Max, walking up behind Kim, “That’ll be the bottom part.” He walked around, taking half of the tarp with her and spreading it out. Kim stood up, waiting to be told what to do. She didn’t want to sit around while the other two did everything. 

“Do we put these through here?” She asked, looking up at the blue eyed boy as she held one of the poles in her hand. He nodded, bending down and helping her wiggle it through the tiny hole. She felt like she might explode, her face growing more red as her hands brushed against his. She looked up, watching him in admiration and wondering how she was supposed to act like she felt nothing for him. She was hopelessly crazy about him.

“We just need to keep doing this throughout the tent,” Billy’s fingers pulled away from hers as he began to push the rest of the rod through the holes. She watched with interest, liking the way his thick fingers moved. Her mind began to wander and she found herself shaking her head as she tried to rid the feelings that were pooling inside of her, “And then we can just put it up like this.” She watched the way his shirt rose up over his toned stomach, showing off his tanned skin. 

“Is that it?” Max looked up at him unsure, standing on her tippy toes to try to look over the blue tent. Billy grinned down at her.

“Do you want to get the hammer? We need to put the pecks into the ground.” He explained and Kim was beginning to wonder how he had so much knowledge about camping. She felt a small grin on her face, picturing him young and in a boy scouts uniform. 

“Here you go.” Max handed it to him, looking too ecstatic as she held onto the hammer. Kim felt her eyes wandering over Billy’s figure as he crouched down on the grassy ground. 

She watched the way his muscles moved as he hammered the specks into the ground. She bit down on her lip, admiring the concentration that was etched on his face. He looked good enough to eat and she knew she’d have these mental images floating in her mind for the next few weeks. She was just thankful he didn’t remove his shirt, she knew she would be drooling certainly then.

“Do you want to do the other side?” He offered the hammer to Max, who took it with excitement. He followed her around the large tent, keeping a close eye on the way she worked as if he was worried that she was going to hurt herself.

He was going to be the death of Kim.

“Nice,” Kim gave Max an approving nod as she walked around to watch them, “You did great.” She smiled sweetly at her little sister. Max was grinning from ear to ear, obviously very proud of her tent. Billy's eyes flickered up to Kim’s, holding her gaze as she felt a familiar flicker inside of her chest. She was scared, feeling like she was going to fall and hit the ground without anyone to catch her. 

“Maxine, Kimberly,” Susan came down the steps with a smile written across her face. Kim looked at the camera in her hands, “Come here.” Both of the girls froze, glancing up at their mother unsure. Kim was still mad at her mother and would prefer nothing to do with her right now. 

“What? I want a picture! You guys look so cute,” Susan urged her two daughters together, “Please.” Susan sighed exasperated. Kim wiggled her way closer to Max, still upset with her mom but not wanting to press the issue with Neil lingering behind them. 

“Billy helped, Billy!” Max shouted for him to come over. Kim watched the wary expression grow on Susan’s face as she glanced towards Neil. Kim glanced over her shoulder, seeing the nervous look in Billy’s eyes as he rose from the ground, “Come on, mom wants a picture.” Max continued to wave him towards them. Kim kept her feet planted and decided it was best she didn’t say anything. She didn’t need anyone to be overanalyzing how she spoke to Billy.

“It’s fine, really I don’t want to-,” He stopped his sentence and it wasn’t because of Neil’s harsh glare that landed on him. Kim glanced at Max, noticing the blue pools of disappointment that were staring him down, “Okay.” He breathed out after a second of reconsidering. Kim felt her heart soar, thinking that they would finally have some sort of picture together. 

“Alright just, squeeze in,” Susan’s voice didn’t seem as excited as he joined them. Kim looked down surprised as Max wrapped her arms around the older boy, holding him tightly. Kim stood near, not wanting to hold onto him in case anyone else said anything. She felt a wave of comfort wash over her as his finger brushed against her own, “Smile!” Kim had no problem following that command as her skin lingered against Billy’s.

“Okay,” He moved his hand and tapped the top of Max’s head playfully, “You can let go, you brat.” He teased but had a warm look on his face. Kim felt guilty as she watched the two of them, hoping that Max never found out what they had done.

“Billy, take one of the girls and I,” Neil approached, taking the camera from Susan and handing it to Billy. Kim didn’t miss the way her mother flinched when he stepped forward. It was hard to be mad at her mom when she realized there was so much else going on that she didn’t know about, “Hurry.” Kim wondered how she had ever thought Neil was nice. He must’ve put on a good mask in the beginning. Susan shuffled behind Max, pushing her and Kim together, while Neil stepped behind Kim. She felt her pulse slowly as she stared up at Billy’s expressionless features. She felt bad, thinking that Billy still deserved to be in this picture but she was too afraid to say that out loud. 

Kim was all too aware of Neil’s looming figure as he stood behind her. She felt ice run through her veins, freezing the air in her lungs and stopping her heart as he rested his hand on her shoulder and squeezed tightly. His grip was so tight that she was sure she was wincing when Billy took the picture. Kim waited, holding her breath until he finally pulled away and removed his hand from her skin. It was like he had left her burnt and not in the way that Billy did. This reminded her of the burning feeling she would get if she accidentally touched a hot pan. It wasn’t a good feeling.

Billy didn’t say anything as he extended the camera back to Susan, but observed Kim closely as she took large steps away from Neil. She wondered if he had picked up on the way his father held onto her. Not that she expected him to do anything at all, but it would make her feel less crazy if he was at least aware.

“Should we set up the fire again?” Max asked, sounding eager as she placed her hands on her hips and looked at the blue tent again. Kim smiled, feeling good that at least her sister was having fun. Billy glanced towards his father before he nodded.

“Yeah,” He spoke almost cautiously as he watched the younger girl, “We could do that again.” He told her so softly that Kim wondered if this was the way he spoke to the kids at his work. It made Kim’s heart flutter and she wasn’t sure what else she could take before she turned to goop down the side of the hill. 

“Sweet.” Max was grinning widely as she walked away, quickly heading towards the fire pit to search for different logs to build the fire up with. Kim glanced back at her mom as she rubbed her hand across her arm, but Susan looked like she was distracted by something else as she stared off into the distance.

“I think that’s the first appropriate picture you have of me.” Kim teased Billy quietly, glancing over her shoulder to make sure their parents weren’t able to hear her. She missed the longing look on his features.

“I could get some more,” He spoke softly, “Have my own little collection of you.” He teased, his shoulder brushing against hers. She felt her cheeks warming at the thought, but wished he was meaning in a less sexual way. She wanted a picture of him, one that didn’t make her think of how their parents were related or that this was simply sex between them. She wanted something else that she couldn’t have.

“You wish.” She smiled, knowing that she would do whatever he asked of her. She would do a hundred different things for him if only it meant a sliver of his attention. His expression was soft as he watched her curiously. She fiddled with her fingers, worried that he could see right through her. 

“Yeah,” He admitted as they walked together, “I really do.” He smiled towards her, and she felt all of her insides flip. His eyes wrinkled up, the corner of his lips curling into a big smile. She really wished she had a picture of how he looked right now, like he was happy and there was nothing wrong. 

“What did they talk about?” She asked him cautiously, keeping her voice low as they watched Max work on setting up the campfire. She glanced around, trying to guess at how late in the afternoon it was. The sun had barely begun to dip beneath the trees.

“Not much,” Billy shifted on his feet and pushed his blonde curls out of his face, “They just wanted to make sure I wasn’t doing anything dumb,” She was worried, thinking about how they had driven into town, “No, it was about drugs.” He shrugged his shoulders, not seeming bothered.

“Instead of watching me you could be getting the blankets and pillows set up in the tent.” Max spoke up, looking between the two of them with her hands on her hips. Kim grinned.

“That sounds like a job for me,” She turned away quickly, glad she wouldn’t have to get her hands dirty, “You two have fun though!” She shouted after as she made her way back up the hill. She almost regretted the idea, thinking about how she’d be alone with Neil and her mom again. She felt the smile fading from her lips as she crawled back up the hill and walked inside.

“You have no right to throw that in my face,” Kim shut the door behind her gently as her mother’s voice carried into the small living room, “They’re my daughters!” She sounded shrill, scared even. Kim lingered slowly, not wanting to eavesdrop but worried what would happen with her mom yelling at Neil in that manner.

“I have every right,” Neil’s voice was just as loud, but he didn’t sound as desperate. The same anger lingered in his voice, “Don’t forget where you were at before me. You act like things are bad now, it can get much worse.” Kim’s curiosity didn’t get very far before the door slammed open behind her.

“Can you grab the skewers on your way out too?” Billy was grinning at her, completely unaware of the conversation that had just happened. She nodded quickly, walking around the couch quickly as she made her way towards the stairs.

“Sure!” She tried to pretend that she wasn’t eavesdropping as she walked up the stairs. She played with her hair, noticing how the master bedroom had gone quiet. She was worried that they had caught onto her but tried to brush it off as she pulled the blanket and sheets from the bed. She wrapped the pillows up in the blanket, trying to think of what Neil was talking about. She didn’t understand what was bad, and why her mom was talking about her and Max like that. She tried not to let anything else bother her as she wobbled downstairs, holding onto the blankets and pillows in her fists. 

She walked past the kitchen, grabbing the skewers as she glanced towards the master bedroom again. The door was now shut but she could still feel hushed whispers behind the door. She decided not to linger too long, not wanting to get caught snooping. She struggled out the door, having to kick it open a bit as she walked down the porch steps. Max met her halfway, taking the skewers from her hand so she could toss the blankets and pillows inside the tent.

“Are you going to leave it like that?” Billy questioned, looking at her with a raised eyebrow. She shrugged.

“We’re going to get in there soon, so yeah?” She wasn’t sure about her answer, but it must’ve been the wrong one as he sighed deeply and crawled inside to rearrange it. Kim bent down, making her dress didn’t expose anything as she watched him, “I could’ve done it, Billy.” She told him seriously. He looked up at her, fluffing the pillows with a grin.

“It’s fine,” He told her seriously, scooting back out so he could adjust the blanket. She stared at the ground for a moment, thinking about how uncomfortable it would be to sleep on it, “Does it look good?” She nodded. He had made the blankets and pillows perfectly even, but she still didn’t think it would be fun to sleep on the hard, dirt ground.

“Looks perfect,” She smiled at him before she stood up again, “Do we need anything else?” She glanced back at the cabin, wondering if her mom was okay. She turned again, noticing the curious look Billy was sending her. 

“I think that’s it, we can get the food later,” Billy watched her for a moment, “Is everything okay?” She nodded, rubbing her elbows softly. 

“Yeah,” She glanced towards Max, not wanting to say anything in front of her, “Just wondering if I need to bathe in bug spray.” His lips curled into a smile, and he pressed his fingers together, his eyes wandering over her features. She turned, playing with her hair as she began to feel shy under his watchful eye.

“I think you’ll be fine,” He darted his eyes away from her, watching Max, “You know you can tell me things and I won’t judge you. I promise. I’m a good listener.” Her heart seemed to slow down, and fear clawed at her insides. She wished she could easily tell him what she was thinking, what she was feeling. She was too scared of being rejected by him. It wouldn’t be the same situation with Steve, she’d have to see Billy every day until God only knows when. She wasn’t sure if she could handle that type of heartache.

“I know,” She said quietly, fighting everything in her to push her hair from her face, “You’ll be the first to know if I have something to say.” She promised, knowing that it wasn’t true. He’d never know about her feelings; he’d never know the way her heart bled for him.

///////////

Max stretched out on the left side of Kim, folding her pillow under her head as she rested, “This is fun.” Kim could barely make out her face in the tent and had to rely on her familiar voice to realize that she was speaking. It was so dark inside the tent that Kim could barely see her own hand in front of her. 

“It’s thrilling,” Kim muttered, resting on her back as she stared up at the dark material above her. She wished she could at least see the stars, then again, she thought that laying outside would be even more dangerous, “Very exciting.” She had an urge to curl up against Billy, thinking that he would be a lot softer than the hard ground, but decided against it. Their campfire session hadn't been as nearly as fun as the first one, as Neil and her mother insisted on joining them. The crackling of the fire made the most noise, other than Neil constantly opening a new can of beer. Kim found out he drank just as bad as Billy, it not worse. He had dragged Susan inside with a loopy grin on his face and placing a disturbing atmosphere over the three teens afterwards. 

“Go to sleep.” Max nudged Kim’s leg with her foot as she rolled over to her side, facing away from Kim. Kim nestled back down into the pillow, wishing that it was that easy. She was very thankful suddenly that she had a bed as she couldn’t imagine having to sleep on the hard ground every night. She shifted, already hearing Max’s heavy breathing. Billy was like a log, laying on her left quietly and not saying anything. She fidgeted with her fingers, growing even more uncomfortable in the small tent. 

“This isn’t comfortable,” Kim spoke up at last, to no one in particular. She could still hear the sound of the bugs creaking nearby and Max’s soft snores, “It’s hard.” She whined, rolling to her side. She was tempted to make her way inside, but then remembered she'd have to actually be outside alone. Not to mention that she was sure Neil had locked the door to ensure that they would stay out. 

“Well, it is the ground,” Billy replied dryly, scooting himself back into the blankets as she wiggled around and tried to get comfortable, “It’s not that bad.” She wanted to protest that it really was that bad but felt like she might seem spoiled. She thought again of how he had laid slept on the ground after Neil beat him, how he had said his bed was too soft. She had a feeling he was more familiar with the ground than what she was.

“Do you think there’s bears here?” She asked suddenly, sitting up on her elbows as she listened outside of the tent. Billy sighed, rolling over to face her. She wished she could see him in the dark. The moonlight didn’t even pierce inside of their tent. 

“How the hell would I know if bears were here?” Billy questioned her but he didn’t sound as short as what she thought he would over her dumb question, “Just try to sleep. You’ll be back in your bed tomorrow.” He added as she wiggled back down, still not liking the ground poking into her back. She nodded, trying to close her eyes and relax.

Kim suddenly thought of the story Billy had told them and cursed mentally as she rolled on the hard ground, staring at him. She waited for him to notice, trying to erase the image of her face carved up with a bloody smile, “Yes?” He questioned after a moment of silence. It was so dark out that she couldn’t even make out his features. She sat up, making sure the tent was still zipped up tightly.

“I’m freaking out,” She admitted, “I feel like someone’s lurking outside.” She knew she was being overly paranoid. It was too dark to find any reassurance on his features. He exhaled deeply, wrapping his arm around her waist and pulling her flush against him. Kim felt her heart pounding faster in her chest, hammering to escape as she melted against his skin. She tried not to overthink, but her mind wandered.

“No one’s outside,” She could feel his warm, minty breath against her face, “You’re fine, I won’t let anything hurt you. Or eat you.” He added and she swore she could hear the grin in his voice. She wished she could see his twinkling blue eyes.

“Thanks,” She felt the sarcasm dripping in her voice, but she was really happy with his words, “You’re my hero.” She meant it to sound playful, but her voice sounded more serious than anything. She wondered if he could feel her heart beating inside of her chest. His thumb traced across her cheek softly and she wondered what he was feeling. She hoped, deep down, that he was at least considering what it would be like to be with her. She didn’t want to be another one of his girls that he left with a broken heart. 

“Don’t know about that,” He grumbled out rubbing his thumb across the soft skin of her arm, “I think you exaggerating just a bit.” She willed herself not to scoot closer to him, not to completely mold herself against him. She craved every touch and word from him.

“It’s true,” She thought of a lot of different things, but mainly the way he had stood up for her against Neil. He didn’t have to do that, and she hoped he knew it too, “You’re always looking out for me.” She mumbled softly, wishing she could look at his features to figure out what he was thinking. She felt his chest rise slowly.

“If you keep being cheesy I’m going to kick you out of the tent,” He chuckled as he spoke, but she could still hear the way he was trying to dance away from the topic, “Then you can really find out if there’s bears or not.” She couldn’t help but giggle at his threat, even though she was sure that part of him was being completely serious. They were silent for a few moments, but she kept staring at his shadowy form, wishing she was able to look at him. 

“Billy?” She waited a few seconds, wondering if he had drifted off to sleep already. He exhaled softly, shifting his head on his pillow as he muttered.

“Hm?” He answered, his voice sounding sleepy and almost far away. She hesitantly held onto his arm, wondering if he was going to push her away from him. He didn’t budge and she figured that he was too tired to do anything at the moment.

“Just,” She exhaled slowly, “Just glad you’re here with me.” She mumbled, earning a soft snore as her response. She dropped her hand from him, pulling it towards herself as she tried to drift off into the comfort of sleep. She couldn’t. Her heart was still burning, urging her to say something. Even in the dark, even knowing that he was sleeping and couldn’t hear her; she was still too afraid to do so. 

[wyvernquill]

Narrative Determinism, or: Why Dream Stays In The Fishbowl

Okay, so, this is hugely inspired by a conversation with my dear friend @darkonesdagger7437 who gets preview snippets from my fics now and then - and every time I write Fishbowl Angst(tm), she calls Dream some very choice words, and implies he’s an idiot who could be out of there at literally any point, IF HE REALLY WANTED.

And, well, that got me thinking.

It’s true, isn’t it? From the moment Roderick died, a single sentence, hell, a single word to Alex could’ve set Dream free; and even before that, he probably could’ve found a way to contact his siblings, ask them for help. Hypothetically, he could’ve even bargained with either of the Burgesses for his freedom.

And, for the record, you can easily find a thousand reasons for why he doesn’t do that! I’ve seen a lot of quality discussions touching on Dream’s characterisation, his actions, the relationships he has with his siblings, with Jessamy, and so on and so forth. There’s reasons aplenty in the “text” of the show - not all of them necessarily good reasons, admittedly, and the end effect might still contain a frustrating note of “why couldn’t he just swallow his pride and call for help though?”, but, well, that’s Dream for you. He’s a stubborn fool sometimes.

BUT, setting all those reasons woven into the narrative aside, the simplest explanation is just this, as silly as it sounds:

If Dream had been freed, there would have been no story - or, at least, not THIS story!

I know I’m in part just pitting Watsonians and Doylists against each other all over again, but my point remains: in some way, Dream remains trapped because the narrative NEEDS him to be trapped, to kick off the story of The Sandman. To tell this particular story, Dream needs to stay in that damned bowl for 100+ years, so he cannot take any of the ways out that are offered/open to him.

(If you want to tell another story, however... well, that’s a completely different matter, I say, winking affectionately in the direction of the 1001 Dreamling Hob-rescues-Dream-from-the-fishbowl fics.)

Now, technically this is true for every story, but to me, it gains a different weight in The Sandman, which is, on many levels, a story about stories and storytelling itself. It seems only fitting to especially remind ourselves that Dream, beyond being trapped by in-text circumstances, beyond being trapped by his own stubborn and prideful character, is, above all, trapped by the narrative he is in, and what it demands from him. He is the Lord of Stories... but this one is Lord over him, actually.

...

...OR IS IT, I exclaim dramatically, once more turning to the previously-winked-at fanfics!

Because, you see, canon is only one version of this story. A very influential version that arguably has a certain dominance over others - but, well, the show is already a reimagining of the comics. Which is more The Sandman, then? Is it the one that came first, chronologically - the original? Or is it this newer adaptation, updated, made “better” (in huge quotation marks) by the decades that went by since the original was conceived? Sandman 2.0, New and Improved, The Definitive Edition?

I personally believe that The One True Version Of The Story doesn’t exist. Sure, there is such a thing as (show/comics/book/whatever) canon, referring to what is or isn’t in the text of a specific (more widely spread, more dominant) version, but retellings and adaptations and fanfics and headcanons and what-have-you aren’t automatically lesser or irrelevant just because they’re not The One True Story. (Which, I believe, just from the occasional post of his floating onto my dash, is not so far from Neil Gaiman’s general thoughts on the matter.)

So, bringing the post back to Dream and the narrative he is trapped in: we can break him out of it.

We can imagine a version of the story in which the narrative not only ceases to demand his imprisonment, but in fact now requires an escape! We can send Hob, Jessamy, Lucienne, Death, The Corinthian, or even some lovely OC, to get him out of that fishbowl. We can give him the power to do it himself, one way or another, earlier than in canon. As readers, as writers, WE are Lords over stories, too.

Dream is only doomed by the narrative if we let him be... and, honestly, that’s a strangely reassuring thought. Isn’t it?

[wonkyjaw]

Some TSC things I can’t stop thinking about that I haven’t seen mentioned yet:

Jean (and likely Riko) had no idea the Foxes knew as much as they did… and Jean already thought the Foxes were crazy for keeping Kevin and Neil.

Dealing with Neil over Christmas Break was a “salve for Jean’s sanity” despite how hard Neil made things for them by fighting back and despite having “a longer leash” than Kevin was ever afforded. Despite Zane’s reaction to Neil’s reappearance.

The fact that Kevin knew just from Jean's reaction to him mentioning Neil didn't sign the Raven contract that he and Riko had waterboarded Neil. Like… the implications of that????

Subpoint: Does Neil even realize that’s what happened or has he fully blocked it out??

I can’t tell if I’m just getting older or if Jeremy and Jean’s view of Wymack makes him that much more… compelling.

Jeremy’s POV during the Foxes v Trojans game. The way the Foxes picked Trojans back up so casually endearing them to Jeremy. Just that when they weren’t fighting for their lives, Foxes had time to spare energy on just being kind in a way no one had cared to see before but it’s important to Jeremy. Ugh.

Jeremy used the phrase “duty-bound” more than once to describe things he didn’t want to necessarily do. What the fuck is up with that?

Also, sir, why is your rich white ass hiding from cops. I would like the tea, please.

Renee’s rediscovered simple delights being “butterflies, fresh baked bread, the crunch of leaves on an autumn morning.” And then Jean taking that idea up and consistently listing his own simple delights as he discovered them (it might kill me yet).

“Her love was so tender it looked like grief” (I am going feral what the fuck)

Bee getting Jean to talk to her by pretending to know less than nothing about Exy and after Jean goes off about it she explains she did it because she was curious if he cared enough to explain it to her. That she wasn’t sure if they were at the court for comfort or contrition and the fact that she specifically used the word contrition…

Also the fact that she likely brought up with the goals look like because everyone seems to be under the impression that the goal has a net for some reason? I’ve read so much fanfic, the goal always gets described a hundred different ways, part of me feels like this was Nora’s way of saying “no you’re wrong!” And I laughed really hard when I read it.

Also also, I would kill to know what all Bee knows.

After the Raven game Jean made a list of every time Kevin and Neil got bullied by the Raven backliners and by the end had four full pages of scathing remarks about it. I’m not sure what to read into that, but it has not left my mind since I read it.

All of the background noise when Renee calls Jean and tells him not to watch the news. Glass breaking and yelling, a scene I’ve always wanted was Neil telling (or not) the rest of the Foxes about Riki’s death. So these little insights are so tantalizing. Wait, dear god, is it in the EC?

Jeremy’s conversation with his sister??? How a new scandal was overdue because he should end the way he started??? Neil didn’t give a shit about the Trojans and Jeremy refuses to think about it so now I’m desperate to know what the fuck that meant. Along with the comment about a fall banquet tearing his family apart????

The fact that every time Jean refers to Neil/Kevin/Andrew/Nicky’s room in Fox Tower it is always always just Neil’s room. It’s so funny to me.

Renee gave Jean her cross 😭

Wymack flew with Jean to California only to fly directly back to South Carolina. Jean referred to Wymack as unreal and I so fully agree.

Jeremy’s yo-yo.

The random “fan” calling Jean “Gene Moore” making me realize that there’s a large amount of people who would not know how to pronounce his name and how insufferable that’s going to end up being when he’s forced to handle the media and public more often.

Jean just casually grabbing Jeremy by the chin… more than once.

“You are not them.” Vs. “I won’t be like them. I won’t let you let me be.”

“I’m fine.” Vs. “Accidents happen in scrimmages.”

“Don’t I at least deserve the chance to not be a villain in your story?”

Jean breaking a glass when Cat mentions Laila was going to get him a sex toy. Jeremy making it to the kitchen in record time.

“You are Jean Moreau. Your place is here with me, with us. I’m your captain. You’re my partner.” Vs. “You’re Neil Josten. You’re starting striker for the Palmetto State Foxes. Your father is dead. You are safe.”

[rostovs-lover]

dalí on tuesday

charlie dalton x reader | cursing, smoking, brief mentions of sexual things, charlie (probably) has daddy issues, cameron | she/her pronouns | fluff | wc.2562

i am in love with charlie, this is now a charlie dalton centric blog, also ignore how terrible the title is please

anon : Hi!! I love your blog! can I request a charlie Dalton x reader fluff where reader is an artist and he visits them while they're painting? (maybe they end up wiping paint on his face?) I don't know, something really sweet at cute <33333

Charlie Dalton had been resigned to relish in small pleasures to keep himself sane at school, never did he think the library would be one of those. More specifically, the painter tucked into the basement of the library. 

                            ───☮︎───

     Charlie Dalton was a connoisseur of many things. Pretty girls, expensive wine, shitty poetry, and hand rolled cigarettes - to name a few. His imprisonment at Wellington made only one of those things readily available. So he settled - boxes of cheap smokes bought through upperclassmen, bottles of grocery store wine someone would sneak in from a party, and the two girls that occasionally came with Knox. The shitty poetry was always on deck, he had that at least. It was a tragedy to be resigned to such a bland life, there was absolutely no carpe diem-ing happening in a school that held adolescent boys to uniforms.

      It was miserable, truly, but Charlie scrapped by on the thought that soon enough there would be no more stuffy Catholic school and he could finally have a taste of freedom. In the meantime, he would have what little fun he could. The meets in the cave were always the highlight of the week. A place where he could talk and people would listen, and not because they had to but because they enjoyed it. They enjoyed his words and thoughts and presence. No one else had ever really seemed to enjoy Charlie’s presence. They could tolerate it, handle it, but they always had more pressing matters. A business meeting to attend, a bill to pay, a dinner to go to. Always something just a little bit more important and never quite enough time for Charlie. But the other Dead Poets, they valued him. He wasn’t just a kid, a college tuition to pay and a life to layout. He was a person, with interests and hobbies.

      It had been there, in the safe haven of the cave, that the idea for the library first came up. Meeks had already talked Pitts into coming, Neil didn’t take much convincing at all, Todd was also easy to lure, Cameron groaned about leaving school grounds but refused to be left out, and Knox agreed to go but only if Nuwanda came too. Charlie had already started to cover what there was to do at a library, read?

      Meeks dove into the technical manuals and Pitts followed tentatively, cradling their science project in his arms. Todd had followed Neil to the S authors, Cameron was trying to chat up the woman at the register, and God only knew what Knox was doing. He had been stranded with few options. He could find the geniuses and be talked over for the next hour or third wheel Neil but that guaranteed intruding on something he probably shouldn’t. The polite thing to do would be to rescue Cameron from making a complete fool of himself, throwing bad pick up lines at a clearly uninterested college student, but it was amusing to watch.

      Charlie settled on trying to find Knox, at least then he could have some company. Said company was absolutely nowhere to be found. The rows of shelves wound in a confusing maze and Charlie was lost before he could even begin to look. Weaving around he did come face-to-face with a rather large picture of Charles Dickens that made him recoil. It was perched just at eye level above a short staircase and it seemed to judge his every movement. Charlie followed the carpeted stairs down to escape Mister Dickens’ strange little beard and beady black eyes.

      The further down the steps Charlie descended the brighter it appeared. The lower level was the children’s section. Considerably more fun than science books or Shakespeare. The big oak counter was abandoned but the lights were still on. He was alone, still.

      Charlie sighed, sitting down in one of the bright red wooden chairs. He was much too big for it but it held well under his weight. A sad stuffed bear stared dully into him from the green glossy table.

      “Well hello,” He mumbled, picking it up under the arms, “And you must be?” He cleared his throat to take on a gruff baritone, “Mister... Bearington,” Charlie sighed, that was bad. He dropped the bear into his lap, “This is so stupid,”

      “Bearington?”

      Charlie shot around in the chair, tipping himself off center and stumbling to his feet, bear still clutched in his arms, “Where the hell did you come from?”

      “A few blocks over, walked here actually.” You turned back to your work. A painting. Not just a painting, Charlie realized, a mural. It stretched the length of the wall, roughly sketched in pencil and waiting to be finished.

      He blinked, “That’s good. The wall I mean,”

      “Thank you,” Your face flustered and Charlie took notice, “It’s not much of anything yet, just an outline. It’ll look better painted.”

      He took a few steps closer, sidling up to you, “What’s it supposed to be?”

      “A forest,” You pointed to a rotund blob perched on a long line, “That’s an owl, and there’s going to be a fox somewhere down in the grass,”

      Charlie grinned, “That’s an owl?”

      “That-” you tapped the blob, “Is a shape, objectively. Subjectively, it’s an owl.”

      His brow creased, “Subjectively it’s an owl? That's like saying Mister Bearington is a rabbit, subjectively,”

      You stared at him, baffled. It was almost irritating that he could so casually come down to your domain and invade your creative bubble. And it was even worse that he talked to himself as a stuffed bear but now he was challenging your judgment on what was and was not subjectively an owl. But he had a wonderful smile and it lessened the intrusion. Plus, you had never seen a teenage boy develop an attachment to a stuffed bear as quickly as he had, “What’s your name?”

      “Nuwanda,” He grinned, setting his chin atop his bear’s plush head.

      “Nuwanda?” You blinked at him, “That’s… neat. I’ve never heard that before.”

      “What can I say? The only Nuwanda this side of Vermont. What’s your name?”

      As you opened your mouth to answer several sets of footsteps thundered down the stairs. Knox spun around the corner first, closely followed by Pitts and Meeks.

      “Charlie!” Knox called, “We gotta go before Cameron proposes to the clerk.”

      You looked at the boy in front of you, “Is Charlie short for Nuwanda, or just a nickname?”

      He shrugged, “I’m Nuwanda, subjectively. It was truly a pleasure meeting you. Can’t wait to see your thing DaVinci!” He set the stuffed bear back on the table as he made his way out of the room. With Charlie’s energy gone it became much quieter and you were plunged back into the impressionistic outline of your artwork.

      The next time a library trip was suggested Charlie didn’t completely dread it. Yes, it was still numbingly boring because it was a library and he didn’t have clerks to fall in love with, people to write love letters to, anyone to kiss in the aisles, or a spaceship to build, but he did have his own personal Van Gough to torment.

      The lower level was the first place he went, not even hanging his coat on the rack inside the big double doors. He made his way past Cameron’s preoccupied receptionist and under Dickens’ hard glower. Halfway down the steps, the smell hit Charlie. Wet paint.

      You had just picked out a brush when he pulled one of the wooden chairs next to your station. He sat in it backwards, holding Mister Bearington out in front of him, “Never got your name Monet,”

      “Well, it's not that. Or Da Vinci.” You stroked the brush up the grassy outline.

      “Do you want me to guess?”

      You had yet to look at him, “Nope,”

      “Are you gonna tell me?”

      “Should I?”

      “Obviously, I told you my name.”

      You set the brush down and turned to face him, “(Name).”

      “Pretty,”

      Charlie Dalton liked many things and the musty old library uptown had never been one of them. It had ancient red carpets and gaudy gold ceilings and it was trying too hard to look regal. So it was a sheer shock when he began to leap at the suggestion of going and even more so when he chose to go by himself one afternoon. Naturally, the other poets followed him, they had to.

      Charlie didn’t dally upstairs, waving hi to the clerk and rushing down to the children’s section. A sign was posted outside the entrance warning of wet paint but he stepped around it.

      “You’re making progress Picasso!” He set his hands on his hips and took in the wall.

      You turned back to look at him, “Did you not see the caution: wet paint, do not enter sign?”

      “Oh no I saw it,” He pushed his sunglasses up on top of his head, “It's bright orange, hard to miss, really,”

      “So you just chose to ignore it?”

      He nodded, making his way over to sit by you on the ground, “I choose to ignore lots of things, it really makes life easier,”

      You shook your head, “Are you just going to sit here and bother me?”

      “Yes, that's actually the whole reason I came today, believe it or not.”

      You blubbered in vague disbelief, “Please tell me you’re not serious,”

      “Dead serious,” Charlie grinned, leaning closer, “I had to see how your weird owl was going. And also make sure you hadn’t gone mad and cut your own ear off yet,”

      “You’ve already used the Van Gogh joke, Charles,”

      “Maybe I want your ear,”

      You paused, “You… what?”

      Charlie’s confidence cracked, “That was bad. Shit, that wasn’t supposed to sound that way. It was like, a bad pickup line? Because Van Gogh cut his ear off to send to his girlfriend,” He sighed, shaking his head, “Sorry,”

      “I mean if I had to pick someone to give my ear too I guess you would be my first choice?”

      Charlie looked at you, eyebrows pinched together, “Why?”

      You shrugged, “No one else has asked, first come first serve.” You dipped your brush back into the blue paint and went to work on a patch of flowers.

      “Huh, well I do appreciate it,” Charlie scooted closer, leaning over your shoulder. He was close, very close. When you took a breath you could smell his cologne and whatever it was he used in his hair and you could feel the edge of his sunglasses brush your ear. He brought an arm around to dip his finger into the soft sky colour on your palette. And then he wiped it on your nose.

      You gasped sharply at the foreign feeling, snapping your head to the side to glare at him, “Why?!”

      Charlie snickered, leaning back, “The opportunity presented itself, how could I just let that pass?”

      You reached back, squirting a touch of purple paint over the palm of your hand, “That was truly a horrible idea,”

      Charlie shot up just as you did, stumbling backwards, “I’m sorry-” He stuck his hands up in surrender, “I regret my actions and if I could take them back I would,”

      “Hmm, but you can’t” You took a step closer, “Surrender now and it doesn’t have to get any messier than this,”

      He pointed towards your paint coated hand, “Do not,”

      You grinned, “I might,”

      “I’m begging,”

      “Fine-” You offered him your other hand, “Truce?”

      Charlie mulled it over for a moment, “Fine, truce,” He grabbed your clean hand and you used it to pull him towards you.

          “Why on earth would you trust me?” You tugged him even closer as he shrieked and smeared your hand down his cheek, “There, now we’re even,”

      Getting distracted by your triumph gave Charlie the upper hand. He pulled you to him the same you had done to him and pressed his cheek flush to yours. The paint was cold against your skin and you jolted back, away from him.

      “Vile,” You hissed, “You are vile and evil. That's so cold. You will pay, I hope you know that.”

      Charlie snorted, “Oh please, what’re you gonna do?”

      “You underestimate me, you ass, I’ll figure something out,”

      “Will you?” Charlie grinned, “I will be waiting in anticipation,”

      “You better be,”

      Meeks elbowed back into Cameron’s ribs, “You’re going to knock me over,”

      Cameron craned his neck further to peek around the corner into the children’s section, “I just want to see, let me look,”

      “Nothing is happening-” Meeks snipped, “They’re just talking now and I might be able to hear if you could can it!”

      Cameron rolled his eyes, “Of course, whatever you say,”

      “Will you shut up?” Knox batted at Cameron’s shoulder, “They’ll see us, we’re not super well hidden,”

      “If you don’t stop talking they’ll realize we’re here,” Pitts mumbled, rolling his eyes. Cameron started to rebuttal, turning to look at Gerard but the motion knocked Meeks out of place and he gasped, stumbling forwards. This did indeed draw Charlie’s attention.

      “Meeks, what the hell?” Charlie snapped. He was in a state, sunglasses askew in his hair, paint smeared from his cheekbone down to the corner of his mouth, and his shirt was wrinkled away from his collarbone.

      Meeks stared, “Hi Charlie. Are there any textbooks down here, uh… the science ones?”

      Knox groaned, stepping out from behind the wall as well, “We wanted to see why you came here on a Tuesday afternoon by yourself,”

      Charlie blubbered, “Did you all come? Is Keating there too?”

      “He could be,” Meeks shrugged.

      Charlie rolled his eyes, “Will you leave, I’ll be upstairs in a second,” The other poets nodded, scampering up the steps to the first level.

      “Assholes, should have known they’d come,” Charlie sighed, adjusting the sunglasses atop his head, “I need to go before they decide to intrude again. I’ll see you soon though, anxiously anticipating payback,”

      He was almost out the door when you bucked up the courage to call out to him, “Charlie, wait.” You let him turn back to you before continuing, “Could I have your phone number?”

      He clicked his teeth, “Don’t have one, private school. But I’ll find the library number in the books and try to shoot you a call sometime,” He winked and started back up to his friends.

      Knox was waiting at the landing with a handful of tissues, which he shoved into Charlie’s hands, “So you’re gonna read your stupid poem about tits at a Dead Poets meet and then not tell us you’ve got a girlfriend?”

      Charlie grabbed the tissues, “Not my girlfriend, I meet her like two weeks ago,”

      “Didn’t stop Knox,” Neil elbowed him.

      Charlie wiped at his face, “Well I’m not Knox. I like her painting, she's good.”

      “It looks like she was painting you,” Cameron slapped at Charlie’s chest and he threw the tissues at him in retaliation.

      “Shut up, at least my library worker actually talks to me,”

      Cameron fumbled with the dirty material, batting it away from his chest, “You dick!”

      Charlie grinned, pulling his glasses down and starting towards the door. Something about it was thrilling, having this to himself. A little secret that he and you shared. His personal Salvador Dalí, something to look forwards to besides bad tobacco and Keating’s eccentric lectures. It was bright and exciting and he felt seen. He felt important. The blue paint he had stolen from your tray was still on the tip of his pointer finger and he wondered how long it would be until he could see you again.

 ( @interwebseriesfan24 )

[peaceoutofthepieces]

27, 7 and 8! Andriel or Kandriel my love❤️

kandreil my love because it just freaking works

7. “I’m not jealous.”

8. “You’re jealous, aren’t you?”

27. “What’s going on here?”

Kevin wasn’t stupid. He could tell when Andrew and Neil were at odds; it was clear when put in contrast to how in-sync they usually were. They made it obvious, with Andrew going on his drives alone and Neil not following him up to the roof, neither of them wriggling their way into the other’s bed the instant they thought Kevin was asleep. It was clear in the way Neil latched onto Kevin instead. He threw himself into their night practices while Andrew sat silently in the stands, but he also tailed Kevin throughout the day, seeking him out instead of Andrew in any pockets of free time.

He wasn’t stupid, so he could also tell that Andrew was ignoring him, and he knew this must have been why.

But he also wasn’t very brave when it came to them. Which meant he took longer than he should have to do anything about it.

Cornering Andrew wasn’t a smart move—anyone who knew him knew this. Kevin might have been upset with him, and a little bit pissed off, but he didn’t have a death wish. No, he knew Andrew was avoiding Neil more than Kevin. So he’d wait until Neil went off somewhere and simply left him and Andrew in the dorm alone.

It came about much quicker than expected, but that was fine. It was manageable. Kevin was still prepared. He would approach this calmly. He’d be straightforward, and fairly blunt, as was his usual, but he wouldn’t let Andrew rile him, wouldn’t let anything under his skin, as was his usual. He’d be perfectly calm, and perfectly civil.

He sat himself down on the couch, looked at where Andrew was smoking on the desk by the window, and blurted, “You’re jealous, aren’t you?” in a manner too harsh to be civil and too nervous to be demanding.

Andrew looked over at him slowly, brow already arched. “What?”

Kevin took a deep breath. He’d have to run with it now. “You’re jealous, and that’s why you’re mad at me as well.”

“Who’s mad?” Andrew retorted.

“No, you’re not getting away with that. I know when you’re ignoring me, and I know the difference in you having a bad week and you being an ass.”

He clamped his mouth shut as it grew too snappy, but Andrew simply stared at him. It could have passed as bored, if that eyebrow wasn’t arched even higher than before. Kevin swallowed and tried to get onto the track he’d set before his mouth ran away from him. He’d get this out, and he wouldn’t let Andrew ignore him or bully him into thinking he was overreacting. They might have got off on telling him he was a drama queen even more now that he had the tattoo to match, but he was one of few who knew Andrew was worse, and that was enough to remind him he was just in calling the blond out.

“I don’t know why you’re fighting with Neil, but you don’t get to take it out on me,” he said firmly. “Neil’s im—my friend. I won’t apologise for spending time with him because you’re having some sort of hissy fit.”

Andrew’s mouth twitched, but he swiped a hand over it and his expression was blank once more. “You think I’m jealous—” he said slowly, “—because Neil is spending time with you?”

“Yes,” Kevin insisted.

Andrew flicked ash of the side of his cigarette and cocked his head, sweeping his eyes over Kevin in a way that suggested he was amused. “Why?”

Kevin opened his mouth, closed it again. Why what? “Huh?”

“Why would I be jealous—“ oh yes, definitely amused now, “—of your lovely friendship?”

“Because…” Kevin blew out a breath. “I don’t know, Andrew. You’re dramatic. Stop trying to brush me off when I know you’re ignoring me, and it must be because Neil’s coming to me while you two are fighting.”

Andrew considered him. He stubbed out his cigarette on the windowsill and tossed it carelessly over the edge, then pulled the window closed and twisted to face Kevin. His examination made Kevin feel twitchy, but he valiantly kept himself still, and eventually Andrew hummed.

“Not because of your ridiculous crush on him, then?” Andrew said flatly.

Kevin blanched. “My—what?”

Andrew tsked, rolling himself off the desk and strolling over. He planted himself in front of Kevin with an unimpressed look. “You didn’t want me to treat you like an idiot. Return the favour.”

“Andrew, I—“ Kevin trailed off. What could he say? I don’t know what you’re talking about? Andrew would probably pull a knife on him.

Because of course he wasn’t an idiot. Of course he knew. He’d probably known all along.

Kevin was blushing, for heaven’s sake. There was no point in even attempting to lie. The last time he’d lied by omission to Andrew, he was rewarded with hands around his throat.

The reminder made him flinch, and Andrew caught it. He took a step back, eyes flashing as he noticed Kevin’s trembling. “Don’t be ridiculous, Kevin,” he said, a little too sharp for a comment Kevin thought was meant to be comforting.

“I wouldn’t,” Kevin stammered. “I mean, I know that it’s not—I’d never—“

“Christ, stop,” Andrew sighed, flicking a hand in the air as if he could bat Kevin’s nonsense away. “You’re hopeless.”

Kevin, indeed, continued to be hopeless. He was gaping like a fish, nothing but air going in or out. “Andrew,” he simply managed. It sounded pleading.

Andrew rolled his eyes. “I’m not jealous.” Before Kevin could fumble for something to respond with, he added, “And I’m not mad, you imbecile. Clearly I knew. I would have already disposed of you in your sleep if I was going to.”

Kevin made a strangled noise, and Andrew added, “But I’m not,” so Kevin nodded.

“And you won’t…” Kevin’s eyes widened. “Does Neil already—?”

“Neil is less than hopeless,” Andrew said. “If you don’t tell him he’ll never get it. You really should help him along.”

This was too much. Maybe it wasn’t anything at all. Maybe Kevin was dreaming, and this wasn’t happening, and Andrew was plotting his sleepy death right now in the real world. That seemed more likely. There was no way it was possible for Andrew to not only be accepting of Kevin’s affection for his boyfriend, but encouraging.

Then again, Andrew was nothing if not a contrary, defiant little creature.

He seemed amused again in the face of Kevin’s disbelief. “Maybe you are just as bad. If you want me to treat you like you’re smart, you’re going to have to do better than that. Tell me, why do you think Neil and I are ‘fighting’?” he air-quoted.

That made Kevin frown. “He stormed off a moment ago. He has been all week. And you’ve been grumpier than usual, and you aren’t doing any of the usual things together.”

“Pay a lot of attention to that, do you?” Andrew mused, still absolutely toneless. Before Kevin had a chance to defend himself, he continued. “You think it’s my fault.”

This was not a question, which was good, because Kevin would rather not answer. Which, of course, was answer enough.

“You don’t think,” Andrew prodded, “that Josten is having his own little crisis and blaming me, and clinging to you for any specific reason?”

Kevin was gaping again.

Andrew wouldn’t let him have a break. He tacked on, “You haven’t considered that I am not jealous because I also know your pathetic crush extends?” Kevin choked again; Andrew rolled his eyes again. “I am not blind, Kevin.”

“But you don’t…” Kevin couldn’t get the words out. It was ridiculous, because all he had to do was stand up, and he would tower over the other man. But for once, he didn’t feel small and meek because he felt he was in danger. After the work the Baltimore incident had made them put in, Kevin almost felt safer around Andrew than he had before. It very well might have been his affection tainting his opinion, but he didn’t much care. He knew what he was in for—who he was in for, and he knew that they were not safe in any conventional way, but that he was best off with them.

He’d given them his back all over again, and he hadn’t worried about it. His heart was an altogether different matter.

Andrew stepped closer to him again, gazing down at him with the same look he often gave Neil, when he thought the redhead was being particularly dense. “Oh, but I do.”

No. It didn’t count. Kevin hadn’t even finished the thought, so Andrew wasn’t confirming anything. He couldn’t even know what he meant. They were likely on completely different wavelengths.

But Andrew was leaning over Kevin now, bracing a hand on the back of the couch, and all of Kevin’s rational arguments fled as he short-circuited.

“Andrew,” he breathed, going for warning and ending up wavering.

Andrew, predictably, ignored him and leaned closer, his breath brushing Kevin’s face, until the door burst open.

The clatter of Neil’s shoes, and then his keys, was unmistakable, and Kevin felt panic rise in him as the steps drew closer and Andrew still didn’t move. He simply looked over Kevin’s head as the footsteps stopped abruptly.

Kevin squeezed his eyes shut.

“What’s going on here?” Neil asked. Then, harder, “Leave him alone, Drew.”

It was utterly backwards. Kevin was at fault here, even if Andrew was the one still leaning in. Neil should have been throttling him, like Andrew should have done already. Instead he was defending Kevin against Andrew, but still using the man’s shortened name as an endearment, measuring the middle ground effortlessly. Even if he was incredibly off target.

Andrew simply rolled his eyes at him. “I’m not threatening him, idiot.”

A beat of silence. “Then what are you doing?”

“Not sure yet.” Andrew’s gaze flickered down to Kevin again, and he seemed much closer than before. Kevin swallowed; Andrew smirked. “Kevin seems to like it, though.”

“Andrew,” Neil bit, a warning and a question.

Andrew gripped Kevin’s chin between thumb and finger, and dragged his head around to face Neil. “Look.” Andrew’s thumb tapped his bottom lip, and his breath hitched. Andrew raised a brow. “What does it look like to you?”

Kevin looked at Neil for the first time in this dream (nightmare? Who knew where it was leading) and found himself breathless for another reason.

It was a recent development, and it wasn’t. Kevin had always known Andrew was attractive, had always appreciated Andrew’s talent, had always confusingly, blindly desired Andrew’s presence. He had always admired Neil’s fire, had always known he was capable of great things, had always held him in a place in his heart he hadn’t realised had been occupied since they were children. He hadn’t thought about kissing them until recently. Or at least, he hadn’t realised he wanted to.

Now, seeing that exact fire in Neil’s eyes at Kevin’s defense, as well as his horrendously worn t-shirt and disgustingly bright shorts crinkled and sweaty from his run, Kevin knew he wanted to kiss him, and he knew it wasn’t a surface thing.

And Andrew knew it just as well, smug bastard that he was.

Neil only needed a moment of looking at him to say, very eloquently, “Oh.”

Andrew snorted. “Finally come to terms with it, have you?”

Neil glared at him, but Kevin couldn’t have been mistaking the blush creeping into his cheeks. Neil’s smile was slow as he looked back at him, and somewhat shy, and Andrew heaved another sigh and moved away to plop himself down on a beanbag. It meant Neil was watching him instead, and the odd, crazy crevice of hope that had been opening in Kevin started to cave, and then Andrew was waving Neil at him impatiently.

“Well?” he prompted.

Looking between them, Neil hesitated. He settled on Andrew long enough to ask, “Did you…?”

Andrew wordlessly shook his head.

“But, I can?”

Andrew raised a brow. “Ask him.”

Kevin was lost. But Neil was turning to him, and Kevin would always pay attention to Neil, no matter how begrudgingly. So he was listening very intently when Neil simply asked, “Kev, do you want me to kiss you?”

This elicited a noise that may have seemed tortured, and Neil took a step back, eyes widening. He shot Andrew a betrayed look, and the silent communication that passed between them was lost on Kevin, who was sure this had gone beyond a dream into a blackout-induced fantasy. He must have fallen dramatically off the wagon, and now he was completely out of it and his brain was running away on its own as a misplaced attempt at comfort.

Then Neil corrected himself. “Wait. Can I kiss you? Because—I think I’d like to.”

Andrew was right. Kevin was blind, and an imbecile, and worse than hopeless, and he could do nothing but give a jerky nod.

Neil’s face lit up, and then determination was mingling with his apprehension and his face was an inch away from Kevin’s and Kevin was demanding, “You think you’d like to?”

Neil jerked back.

“Fucking idiots,” Andrew grumbled. “Yes or no, Kevin.”

“Well, yes—“

Neil kissed him, and Kevin could not have dreamt this. No matter how much alcohol-aided imagination he had, the soft touch of Neil’s lips compared to the rough texture of his hand against Kevin’s cheek was too heavenly to be magicked-up. It was heart-wrenchingly real. Andrew’s eyes on them was just as heavy of a weight.

Kevin was only beginning to get the hang of himself and reciprocate whole-heartedly when Neil pulled back. His blue eyes were dark as he roamed them appreciatively over Kevin’s stricken face, and then he glanced at Andrew.

Looking for approval, Kevin realised, and followed suit.

All amusement was wiped from Andrew’s face. His eyes were just as dark as Neil’s and even more intense as he watched them, and in combination with Neil’s touch it stirred something low in Kevin’s gut. He pinched his own thigh discreetly and his blood thrummed at the nip of pain.

“I might,” Andrew said, dragging his gaze slowly to Kevin’s face, “be a bit jealous.” He used a foot to nudge Neil, who simply huffed, out of the way, and then he hooked that same foot around Kevin’s ankle and gave a deliberate tug.

Kevin descended into gleeful laughter, and felt only more elated when it meant Andrew was forced to come to him for his kiss.

Prompt List

[powercloud]

At The End of The Day

pairing: tsukishima kei × reader

wc: 2.4k

genre: fluff, pining!tsukki

warnings: timeskip tsukishima, ooc tsukishima maybe(?) He's just so in love with you okay :(

The night was getting colder, the sky already a pretty shade of black, and the moon hung over their heads with a smile. Tsukishima took this as a good sign as if the moon smiling is a green light to pursue his plan. He looks over to you, your eyes distant and looking straight ahead, you were bracing yourself under the blazer he lent you. The view was astonishing. Under you and him the city was busy, flashes of light twinkling brightly, almost nearly outshining the bright stars above. The breeze was noisy as well, blowing your and his hair. But the warmness of Tsukishima’s heart was enough not to completely freeze him over, he was more worried about you though. But after a few stolen, glances he figured you were all right. The rooftop was your favorite, you've gotten used to it.

It's been silent between the two of you. You always fill in the quiet with your antics and puns and dumb realizations, but Tsukki supposes that’s why he was oddly fond of you after a week of knowing you first year in high school.

It’s been years since he concluded he was in love with you. Specifically three, but if he ever mentions the exact number he feels like a hopeless idiot. If he told you about that, would you call him so? He’d never know unless he confesses.

Tsukishima tightens his grip on the metal railings, his knuckles turning white. He bites his lower lip, nearly making it bleed. He’s nervous, he’s scared but he’s willing to push through it. All for you.

Tsukishima steals yet another yearning glance at you, this time his head snaps forward when you caught him red-handed cheeks turn a bit red before he sniffs and got a hold of himself. You laugh gently at his uncharacteristic expression.

“Something bothering you?” you ask, taking one or two steps closer to him. Any more he’d explode.

“Nothing,” Tsukishima lies. And you know this because you always have this certain facial expression where you’re unsure of his answer; one well-defined eyebrow rise, the bridge of your nose scrunched slightly, and your lips on a pout. You always were adorable when you were sure he was lying.

“Well, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.” Sometimes Tsukki wishes you knew how close he held you in regard, how he won’t get upset if you push him further into questioning. Hell, he’d tell you the truth right away.

But you turn away, leaving him be and respecting his privacy, eyes back forward and thoughts miles away.

Tsukishima follows where you were looking, and he wonders what you were thinking. The future? The past? The inevitable fall of humanity and the universe?

Him?

Tsukishima would very much like to know if you’d thought of him. He won’t hesitate to tell you he’s thinking of you, too. Most days you never go away from his mind. He wants you to think of him right now as he’s thinking of you, too. But Tsukishima thinks that’s not the case. You never look so troubled when you were thinking of a person unless you worried.

Tsukishima nudges your elbow with his, and finally, he looks at you straight in the eyes, flushing lightly as always. “What’s bothering you?” He asks, his mouth in a straight line, seemingly uncaring.

“Nothing, just—” you sigh deeply, shoulders falling. Tsukki holds his breath, maybe it would be you that confesses? He always thought you liked him back. Tsukki waits as your gaze flutter from the city below then finally to his honeysuckle eyes. “I don’t know if I’d rather wake up in the middle of a war or the middle of a zombie apocalypse.”

He mentally slapped himself for assuming you’d be the first to say something sentimental.

Of course, he thought to himself disappointingly. On a daily, you weren’t even worried about important things like school or true love. You were thinking of choices you’d likely choose in a situation that would never happen, like the zombie apocalypse you mentioned.

You don’t think of me much, do you?

Tsukishima tries to hide his disdain. “I thought you said you had a plan when the zombies come.”

“Yeah, but I mean, like at the beginning of every zombie apocalypse movie, y’know. Like when they start growing in rapid numbers, and the panic rising out of people, the raging undead and their unquenchable thirst for human blood. As in the part where they just start flooding in.” you were very dramatic in using hand gestures. “I don’t know what I would do if that suddenly happened.

“That would never happen,” said Tsukki and you frown, and he smirks, always enjoying irking you. “Neil D. Tyson already said so.”

“Thank God. But still—if it could, what would you rather wake up in the middle of, Tsukki?” you ask him, leaning closer again and his heart palpates. “War or the apocalypse?”

He pretends he’s thinking hard, then he just shrugs nonchalantly, then you whine and tell him how he’s such a killjoy. If he were honest and cheesy, whatever situation he’d suddenly wake up to, Tsukishima wouldn’t hesitate to protect you in either one.

“Women can’t fight in a war, pick war,” Tsukki said, and he smirks again as you scoff and roll your eyes.

“You know how much I’m brave.” Oh, he knows alright. You were intensely afraid of heights, yet look where your favorite spot in the whole world is. “I wouldn’t think twice to enlist,” you said, chest puffed out. “’sides, it’s the 21st century, Tsukki, equality is much softer now. It's indulged..”

“And?” Tsukki encourages you to go on as it looked like you wanted to add something.

“War is worse than hell. I’m fine laying down my life for what’s right, but I’m not ok with children dying or starving, or widows crying over their dead husbands or wives, or old people going cripple. I don’t like seeing good people get hurt.”

God, you were always such a fucking wholehearted, good, kind, courageous, generous person. He loves you so fucking much it hurts to think you’d sacrifice your life for the people you don’t even know.

“Always such a martyr, aren’t you?” you punch Tsukishima on his shoulder. He only laughs at your feeble attempt to hurt him. When you push yourself away to frown again, Tsukki softens. “If you think those kinds of people don’t deserve to die you need to know that you don’t deserve it, too. Fuck dying for the country. Wars are bullshit.” Tsukki had to cut out the part where he’d say he’d want you to hide with him. Later, he tells himself, it's too early.

“Well, you’re not wrong,” you said.

“I have never been.”

“Shut up, jackass.”

“You first, dumbass.”

After a few petty insults are thrown at each other you both settle down with Tsukishima letting you win. He doesn’t care if you call him a salty bitch, as long as he gets to see you grin triumphantly after.

Then it was silent again. The wind was stronger this time. One blow and you gripped Tsukishima’s blazer and winced as you took the cold bite. Tsukishima wanted to wrap his arms around you to keep you warm, uncaring of the fact he was cold, too. Very. He had nothing else on besides his thick sweater, apparently not thick enough. Tsukishima wanted to lead you downstairs, back to the party which he’s sure has died down by now. It was nearly 2 in the morning.

But before you two could go he wanted to say something first. Confess before another perfect moment like this slips from his fingers. He looks at you, and you’re so gorgeous. Your hair is a perfect mess behind your head. Your cheeks are flushed, and you kept wetting your lips as the cold had dried them. The city lights shadowed perfectly on the half bottom of your face, the stars mirrored in your eyes. You were serene, too. Seemingly enjoying this time. This time with him.

It was either now or never.

“I love you,” he told you. Except he told the wind instead as another harsh blow blew on the rooftop. You and him wince simultaneously, but both for very different reasons. You hadn’t heard him, that was obvious, because you hadn’t as much reacted any differently. Tsukishima knows you weren’t pretending to not hear him either. Unlike him, you weren’t mean. You would even acknowledge the ignored person who tried to relay a message across a group with a curt nod, and an inviting smile—you listened, as Tsukishima was the reason for that person being reluctant in talking.

Tsukishima frowns, his heart falling. Above him, the smiling moon disappears behind a gray cloud, a red light. Maybe tonight wasn’t the night after all. Maybe no night was the night. But it would be stupid of him to give up after one try. Tsukishima would never forgive himself for letting you go so easily. He knows at the end of the day it’d always be you he loves. He knows he’ll follow his heart to you even though it would break sometimes.

Jesus, he thought. Love is frightening.

A few months later was another perfect moment to tell you Tsukishima’s true feelings. He had just come home from his night shift from the museum, coffee in his hands yet he was still tired and exhausted, but when he saw you sitting down in front of his apartment door, waiting, he smiles to himself.

Once you sensed him, you looked up from the floor you were sitting on, eyes huge and jade. Most people compare eyes to oceans or galaxies. Not your eyes though, they reminded Tsukishima of his favorite thing. Glancing down and his tiny plastic toy dinosaur, and then sliding further down to your green eyes. Tsukishima realized that’s probably why he felt so awake when he was with you. You were like a loud inspiring roar in the morning.

You had plans, you told him. There was a spot in the park, though you suppose it wasn’t even part of the park anymore. There was a forest, more natural than man-made, just beside the park. And when you were bored one day, you ventured through it and found the most amazing spot to view the sky. There were no outside noises, not another human has found it, you prided yourself in that. There were lots of pests and insects though, which was why you brought with you two huge blankets.

So there you two were, beneath the galaxy, feeling small and vulnerable to alien sight. But it was utterly beautiful.

The two of you lie on top of a small hill covered in grass and pretty flowers, there were trees around but it was a clearing where you and he were at. Looking up it was as if the sky was moving and the stars were burning bright. He held your hand shamelessly. And he thanked every God listening when you didn’t pull away, instead you wrapped it firmly as if you’d be taken by a UFO and he’d be your only grip to this Earth.

“Did you see that, Tsukki?” you asked, flabbergasted. You had to let go of his hand to prop yourself up and point to the violet sky. “I think I saw an alien ship!”

“They’re coming to get you,” Tsukishima said. Leaning on his elbow to snicker at you. “Their long-lost family.”

You punch him on his shoulders and he laughs. It’s been years but Tsukishima knows his saltiness isn’t going anywhere.

You lie down again, Tsukishima does the same but this time he can’t hold your hand, not when it's clasped with your other hand and laying on top of your stomach. He hides the fact he’s a tad bitter about that.

“Did you know,” you began, Tsukishima turns to you, intently listening because the stars have never captured him like the way it captured you anyway. What he felt about you, you felt in the infinite universe. Tsukishima’s fine being a close second. “Most people forget dinosaurs have ears because dinosaur ears don’t have bones.”

Tsukishima glares at you incredulously. First of all, how dare you question his lengthy knowledge about dinosaurs. Second, he knows for a fact that’s not true and that you stole it off a kid’s show you watch every fall.

“And that’s a rock fact!” you said, proud and overjoyed. But of what? You didn’t get to fool him successfully.

“No, it’s not, you idiot.” Tsukishima went his way to flick your forehead harshly. When he pulls his hand away you nearly bit off a finger.

Feral bitch, Tsukishima thought affectionately.

“Ok, fine, how about—” you trail off, a finger tapping on your chin, eyes darting from one dead star to another. “Most books on witchcraft tell you witches work naked.” Tsukishima knows which show you got this from off, too. “And that’s because most books on witchcraft are written by men.”

"Now, that I won’t deny.”

The two of you laughed lightly before looking back up again, heart alight. This time, Tsukishima stares at the stars, trying to find reason why you were so smitten with it as he was with you. He tries to find something in between the spaces of dead stars and see if there’s something like that in him, too. So that maybe you can love him as much as you loved the infinitesimal. He doesn’t find anything, unfortunately, he’s distracted by your harmonious humming.

“Tsukki,” his heart skips a beat. You say his name so magically it's hypnotic. He didn’t think he’d fall in love further just by the way you say his name.

“Yeah, y/n?” he cringes at how soft he sounded.

He looks at you, glazes over your direction to see you already looking at him. And his body is on fire. There was something different with you, with the way you look back at him. Something entirely different.

Finally, Tsukishima thought, staring deeper into your glossy eyes, you’re looking at me like I’m something you love, like I put the stars in your sky.

“I love you.”

And the moon in him explodes.

“I love you, too.”

And it’s the end of the day. You’re still and always will be the one that he wants

[propaganda-for-poets]

Hi! I’m back with another hc question! What inside/running jokes do the poets have with one another, and who started them? And a separate question, what do the rest of the student body think of the poets? Like are they famous or just another friend group and also are specific poets more famous than the others? I’ve always thought that Neil and Cameron would be famous as fairy godmothers who help poor first years with their homework and finding classes and stuff. Also Meeks is the library cryptid and you can’t tell me otherwise.

oooooo ok let's see!!!! this is going to be kind of a long post by the way, so buckle up

inside jokes

meeks and pitts def have like a shit ton of really confusing inside jokes and no one has no idea what they're talking about, they also pretty much communicate exclusively in vines, it's fascinating to see these two interact, really. meeks and pitts also have a foam box hanging from the ceiling of their dorm. there's a story behind that, probably.

then neil and charlie also have a bunch since they're close, probably about stupid stuff they did in the past that may or may not have gotten them in trouble. they always share them with the group and let them in the joke so they can all laugh about it, it's fun to have their own things and they do have some of their own things but y'know they love their friends and they wanna share all the stupid stuff they did with them.

now i'm sure neil and todd have their inside jokes being hopelessly in love and everything but todd actually has a bunch of them with cameron, they hang out a lot cause they love their friends, they really do, but they could really use some peace and quiet sometimes. so they actually have a bunch of inside jokes, but they mostly keep them to themselves because they've seen each other do some ridiculous stuff they don't want the others to know they're capable of, they don't really need to know why whenever they see a chihuahua todd asks cameron if he's gonna hunt it down, nothing good could come out of it.

charlie and cameron have an ongoing joke about how many pairs of shoes can fit in their dorm's closet and they keep taking guesses. everyone thinks they're joking and it's just something stupid they came up with because they didn't know what to disagree over, it's all fun and games until one day neil walks in and sees them trying to push the door of a suspiciously full closet. they wanted to see who was right. no one knows where they found all those shoes.

the group has a lot of inside jokes in general because they keep doing weird shit, they definitely reference the poems they read in the cave all the time, whenever they call each other and one of them asks who is it the one on the other line answers "it's god", they make innuendos with weird latin words meeks teaches them and then laugh whenever they're said in class, stuff like that.

social status thing!

okay, i'm actually really excited about this one because i kinda wanted to talk about how welton views the poets seperately, outside of the friend group. cause like they obviously know them as a group, there are some rumors of a secret society here and there in welton and let's be honest, they're an odd bunch, neil and the new kid and whatever the hell pitts and meeks are and Charlie Dalton (tm) and knox who probably has a bit of a reputation as a romantic and then cameron????? like what do these people have to do with each other??? so there's a lot of rumors about them, as a group. but seperately!!!!! let's look into that shall we!!!!!!!!

okay, so neil is definitely popular. he's friendly, he's extroverted, involved in pretty much everything, overall really chill, people like him. they all kinda know there's something going on with him because everyone knows neil's gonna be a doctor but he's never showed any interest in it and he definitely strikes everyone as a creative kind, so they know there's something going on there but no one ever addresses it cause that's how high school students are. neil is kind of welton's golden boy, everybody loves him, and if someone doesn't they're probably a dick who wants to start fights.

todd doesn't have much of a reputation aside from "jeffrey anderson's brother" since he's new and also so quiet, everyone just thinks he's a little shy and some people think he's weird but no one ever dares touch a hair on his head because they know he's with neil, and neil will go berserk if anyone tries to hurt him. not that most of them would want to, todd never did anything to anyone but y'know how some people are. it's like in mean girls where no one dared fuck with anyone who was regina's friend? that's what it's like being friends with neil.

okay, we all know charlie has a bit of a reputation. he's a troublemaker, likes to joke around, probably has a few enemies around welton because he tends to,, punch people a lot. everyone thinks he's kinda cool, some people think he's just annoying, which he kind of is sometimes let's be honest. also a considerable amount of people thought he was in love with neil. he was not. how everyone figured that out i'll leave up to you but i have a,,, few ideas for my beloved little group of chameron shippers, hi guys what's up we're living off of crumbs :)

okay, meeks and pitts go together, we all know that, they actually have kind of a history with,,,,, starting shit, basically, it really started as an accident, they blew something up in the science lab, but then they just said fuck it and kept going over the years, causing a lot of stupid shit, and now all the teachers kinda have their eye on them (hence the demerits, yay). but even the conjoined twins have their own reputations. meeks,,,,,, is kinda shady ngl. people go to him for help with weird stuff. like random people. none of the poets know what this is about, the only thing they know is that he rents banned books to students, but that doesn't explain much. also yes he definitely is the library cryptid. pitts on the other hand is perceived as much more,,, legal that meeks. he's kinda the guy you can always go to for anything, pitts has approximately zero enemies in welton. a lot of people think he's a little stupid, for some reason. he's not. he's smart as shit and it takes ten minutes of hanging out with him to figure that out.

cameron's kinda obvious, people think he's boring and a stick in the mud, but he's still respected because he's clearly impressively smart and will help anyone with homework even if he has his own shit to deal with, which means he can pull the "you owe me one" card at anyone any time he wants to, also he's under the neil perry umbrella and welton doesn't fuck with people under the neil perry umbrella, we've been over this. cameron's kinda intriguing though. no one knows anything about him and everyone thinks "there must be more to this guy than just being a huge dick", so there's a lot of conversation around welton about cameron and he never confirms nor denies anything purely because he thinks it's funny.

knox just kinda comes across as a romantic to everyone, he's always the ones with the love poems in class, getting super hyped for valentine's day, all that stuff. he's very bold so there have been a lot of misunderstandings with people, but he usually works things out, most people like him. knox is probably remembered for doing something really impulsive and really stupid once a few years back, but i can't decide what it is. like, not something impulsive and stupid in the way charlie does to fuck with people, just a,,,,,, really big fuck up, that made the whole school laugh and gave him kind of a positive reputation.

[harrin-king]

prompt: pre-Harringrove. Steve inadvertently sees how Neil treats Billy after a bb game or dropping off Max or something. Billy thinks Steve is going to use info against him. Steve gains his trust somehow.

Warnings for parental abuse of minors and for homophobic language (specifically the f-slur). 

It’s the first game Steve’s been cleared to play in since that night and he’s fucking exhausted. He’s out of shape from the practices he’s missed, and he still can’t breathe quite right, like his nose healed wrong or something. 

It was obvious to anyone watching, too. He played like shit and Billy didn’t pick up the slack like Steve thought he would. No. He just kept shooting grimaces at Steve, nervous glances at the stands, a feral narrowing of his eyes at anyone who came near him, teammates and opposition alike. 

Destroying Steve’s face and Hawkin’s chances to go to the championships, all in a few weeks. Billy was something, alright. 

Steve rested his beat-up, tired frame against the brick outside the gym, tucked into the same alleyway where he stood when Nancy made clear, for the second time in 24 hours, that she didn’t love him. 

He tries to catch his breath, pours the remnants of his water bottle over his face, swipes his hands over his eyes. Breathe in. Breathe out. 

There’s footsteps outside of Steve’s alcove, voices too. The rest of the team must be done in the locker room. It doesn’t matter- whoever is walking by will breeze right past him in the dark. 

But it’s not the rest of the team, there’s only one voice, only two sets of feet walking by. 

“You really are pathetic, you know that?” Steve can see the speaker, a mustached man, but not much else. Whoever is on the receiving end of this comment doesn’t respond, making it impossible for Steve to guess which of his teammates is getting chewed out. 

“Honestly. You were shit at baseball, now you’re shit at basketball. Your sister can play basketball. Gary’s kid from back home could play basketball and his kid was a fucking faggot. You think that reflects well on me? On our family?”

The second voice speaks up. “Not my sister.” 

Billy. 

There’s the sickening sound of a mass of a body hitting brick, the impact of a skull soon after. 

“That’s what you’re choosing to correct me on? Don’t tell me my son is a faggot too.” 

Steve’s entire body may still hurt from Billy’s fists, but it’s taking every ounce of his will to not put a stop to what he’s overhearing, to not shove this man away from his son. 

“No, sir.” Billy’s voice is so quiet, so- so broken, that Steve feels stunned. There’s no bravado, no confidence. There’s just fear, numbness to what’s occurring, an indication that this has happened before and it will happen again. 

“So I raised a faggot and a liar.” There’s one more blow, a kick maybe. 

“You can walk home. I’m driving Susan and Maxine now.” A pause. “And the door will be locked by the time you get back.” 

Billy’s father walks away. After a few moments of sickening silence, there’s a gasp of breath that morphs into a sob.

It occurs to Steve that he should do something. Leave so that Billy can save face. Run to Billy to comfort him. 

Call Hopper so that this never happens again. 

But before Steve can make the choice, Billy’s body drags itself into Steve’s alley. 

With his head down, tucked to his chest, Billy takes a few more gasping breaths. It dawns on Steve that Billy’s crying. 

“Um,” Steve clears his throat.

Billy’s head whips up, causing him to wince in pain, and then his face drains of blood. He rushes to stand. 

“Harrington. What the fuck are you doing here?”

Hiding in an alley to catch my breath because I think you’ve permanently destroyed my nose. 

“Just. Decompressing?” 

Fury overtakes Billy’s face, then fear. It looks so foreign on him, so unlike Billy Hargrove, that Steve wants to throw up. “Don’t you dare tell anyone, Harrington. Don’t you fucking dare.” 

Steve’s taken aback. “Wha-”

“I swear, Harrington.” Billy’s closer now, getting in Steve’s face. “You tell anyone what just happened, what you saw, what you-” he grimaces. “-heard. I’ll make breaking a plate over your head feel like a picnic.” 

Steve just blinks at him. He doesn’t feel threatened, just concerned. Just desperate to help, to fix this. “Why would I tell anyone?” 

Billy laughs, even though Steve can tell it’s hurting his head to do so. “Don’t play dumb. You have every reason to hate me. Whatever petty revenge plot is going through your head, just forget about it.” 

Steve must look unconvinced because the cruel laugh slips from Billy’s face, something resembling desperation replacing it. “Please, Steve.”

This use of his name jolts him from his silence. “I’m not going to. I- I know what that’s like, shitty fathers. I wouldn’t… I wouldn’t do that.” 

Billy still looks wary. 

“Last year. Jonathan Byers beat the shit out of me. When my dad saw, he… he was really upset. With me, though, not with Jonathan. Called me a pussy, a… a fag for getting beat by someone like Byers. He didn’t give a fuck that I was hurt.”

Billy raises an eyebrow, though Steve can’t decipher it’s meaning, so he presses on. “So, there. Now you know some shitty thing that my dad did to me. And that I got the shit beat out of me by Jonathan of all people. Now I can’t tell anyone about what just happened to you, cause you can double back, yeah?” 

Finally, Billy looks up at him, making eye contact for the first time since they’ve been talking. He gives a sad smile. “Sure, pretty boy. But at least when your dad said it, it wasn’t true.” 

Confusion runs through Steve, then realization. Billy is-

Oh. 

Steve thinks about the way Billy spoke to him in the showers, the antagonistic way he’d goad on him in basketball. Am I dreaming, or is that you Harrington? 

He thinks about sleepovers with Tommy, limbs tangling a little too close, fingers and thighs brushing when they shouldn’t. 

He thinks about Billy’s eyes, so blue, like an ocean he’s never seen. He thinks about how seeing pain in those eyes made him hurt too. Yeah, it’s me. Don’t cream your pants. 

“Oh, I don’t know about that, Hargrove.” 

Billy looks up at him, bewildered. 

“Come on, I’ll drive you home. We can stop for a burger, if you want. That game was fuckin’ brutal.” 

Billy laughs and Steve thinks he sees Billy’s real smile for the first time. “Yeah. Fuckin’ brutal.”

[likearecordbb]

about your post on the recent discourse...

it's honestly so confusing to me because like,, you say that ppl pointing out how members of this fandom will make neil very stereotypically 'feminine' is reinforcing the idea of 'masculinity' as one thing and 'femininity' as another.... and i get that we should get rid of these labels. but at the same time... the content itself that ppl are criticising (the ones that 'feminize' neil) are already doing just that. that's why they're criticising it.

i can't point out how ppl are reinforcing the idea that a relationship should have a 'man' and a 'woman', without... saying that that's what they're doing. the writer themselves already sees relationships this way and 'masculinity' and 'femininity' as two different distinct things. that's exactly *why* they're writing neil this way while keeping andrew close to canon.

there's nothing wrong with neil being stereotypically 'feminine' of course. but to act like it's somehow misogynistic for me to go to these ppl and be like 'hey, u shouldn't view mlm relationships through the lens of a hetero one! it can be very harmful' is weird to me... *especially* considering these stereotypes that ppl are pushing onto neil come from misogyny themselves. (ppl making neil much much more emotional than he is in canon while keeping andrew very stoic)

idk, like... ur simultaneously saying that we shouldn't view relationships as needing a 'man' and a 'woman'... while defending people who are doing just that and creating content which reinforces just that.

it's one thing to say 'we shouldn't view masculinity and femininity as two distinct and different things!'/'we should get rid of these labels all together cause they're meaningless'... but if i look at the content that u make/consume and it's practically, if not entirely, all andreil conforming to heternormative stereotypes... then i can't help but feel like ur not as detached from the idea of 'masculinity' and 'femininity' as u would like to believe... i trust the ppl who say these ideas are meaningless while not changing the canon characters because they seem to be sticking to their words.

people will just say that they prefer writing andreil is this heternormative way... they'll just say it what they like or what they're most comfortable writing without ever questioning *why* they prefer it this way.

and if they're projecting.. well then, *why* this couple? why pick an mlm couple to project what is often the experience of a cis woman in a relationship? why pick this mlm couple when there are others that do fit the stereotypical heternormative dynamic? idk. like,, u can do this ofc, but ppl can also call u out on ur shit.

there's an undeniable reason that neil is exclusively the one that ppl pick to make more stereotypically 'feminine'. and there's a reason this type of content is also so popular. and it's certainly not wrong to point this out.

You know, I can see all of these points that you're making. For me, the overall issue of this is very complicated. I am also super uncomfortable with the imposition of heteronormative roles onto...well, onto any relationship, regardless of the identities of the people who constitute it. I was raised smack dab in the middle of the gay community by lesbian moms (together 38 years now, jfc, can you imagine??), so that "man/woman" thing was never something that I grew up internalizing or normalizing. I can recognize that this may give me a bit too much of a sense of objectivity.

However, I'm also like...I've been ruined by grad school. The "feminizing" word makes me really uncomfortable because it starts to stray for me into gender essentialism territory. It also seems to foundationally differentiate between "masculine" behaviors and "feminine" behaviors and I just really hate that? Lesbian moms, trans daughter, bi (and late-in-life trying to see where on the ace spectrum I might fall) self, I've just met so many people with so many expressions of gender and sexuality and I just... Idk, I automatically resist anything that feels like it's upholding "masculinity" and "femininity" as real (as in, not constructed) things. And then I also am like, well, I've known SO MANY gay men who behaved in the ways that the discourse constructs as "feminized" and then I start to feel like, what about these men? Are they less 'men' because of it? How would it feel for that man to read these things saying his identity expression was a problem or a bad stereotype? Do I read *Neil Josten* within that context... no, not really. I think Neil has a 'not enough emotional expression' problem way before he has a 'too much emotional expression' problem.

I'll say here what I often say to my students in complex discussions: I don't have answers. I don't think I'm right and anyone else is wrong. I just have complicated thoughts and feelings and concerns about some of the things that sometimes seem to be left uninterrogated.

So, I do 100% get the need to be vigilant about the imposition of a "man" (dominant, emotionally constipated, sexually driven, stoic) role and "woman" (emotional, needy, teary, dependent) role onto relationships with two (or more!) men or women. I would also argue that we need to get rid of that idea in hetero relationships, too, because it's super damaging. I just wish we could find a way to talk about that that didn't feel like it was accepting this idea of femininity as a given? And I definitely agree that it's problematic when the 'bottom' in a relationship is depicted as the one who's soft and silly and weepy. (Have you read TJ Klune's Tales from Verania series? A VERY fun world that does that not at all and it's great). I'm not saying these things are not worth confronting--I'm just really uncomfortable with the way the conversations are often framed around a concept of femininity/feminizing. It feels like shrapnel, I guess? Like, 'ugh stop feminizing Neil he's not weepy and uwu he's a badass' feels inherently to me like it's making femininity and badassery mutually exclusive? Maybe I'm just looking for a caveat or footnote in the argument that acknowledges that that is constructed *for women too*? And is a part of, like, a larger heteronormative patriarchal structure? And not something that we can just all obviously agree is the way the ladies (should?) behave?

One other question I've been dying to ask, though, is: where are these fics? I don't think I've ever read something where Neil is crying over Jack being mean to him or anything. Maybe if I start to see hints of that characterization, I just close the tab and never end up getting to the 'worst' of it?

Although, if what you said earlier about the "content that u make/consume and it's practically, if not entirely, all andreil conforming to heternormative stereotypes..." was referring to me, then... idk what to say to that. I don't think that's what I do. The heteronormative relationship that you're describing isn't one that I enjoy, desire for myself (or anyone else), or have any interest in reproducing.

Does this clarify what I'm trying to say? I guess it's a really long way of saying, in the old insufferable grad school tradition: well, first we have to define our terms. Because I'm not sure we're all coming up with the same thing when we use the word "feminizing" and that probably has a lot to do with why we keep having this exact same conversation over and over and over again.

If I missed any specific point you'd like to pick at in more detail, please let me know--my very sad platonic life partner (who had to put her beloved 15-year-old poodle to sleep yesterday) and her mom are waiting for me to drive them to the stores for a distraction, so I'm feeling a little time pressure.

[poetrusicperry]

Running Towards Nothing

Chapter One

a/n: hello !! @noelliza and i fleshed out an idea about if todd came from out of state (specifically, somewhere in the southern united states) to attend welton, so i wrote it heh. i’m not sure how many parts this will be (if people like it enough for me to continue posting lol), but i have the first like... five written haha. so yes, todd is from the south (alabama) and i don’t know much about the south bc i'm from the west coast, but i tried haha. hope you guys like it !! xx

chapter summary: something in todd’s past is the reason for his family’s move, leading to a new neighborhood, a new school, a roommate he was never expecting, and an overall shift in his life.

pairing: todd anderson x neil perry

warnings: none (i don’t think there are any in this chapter, but if anyone spots something, let me know !)

word count: 2479

–

        If there was one thing Todd missed about home, it was the sky; the sun set differently over the rolling hills of Vermont than the grassy fields of Alabama. He was used to seeing all of the elongated, blue canvas sky that melted into bright shades of pink and orange along the horizon; there was nothing in the way of the creation, just a plain view of where the heavens met the earth. In the northeast, however, the sunset snagged on the seemingly-black pointed edges of trees and lush branches, interrupting the gradient leaving only soft blue and speckles of marigold.

        But he had experienced his last Alabama sunset two days ago, and there was no going back. Not for a really, really long time (if ever). After the events of the past few months, there was no way Todd could ever show his face again, even if he really wanted to. Now, Todd Anderson and his family were living in the suburbs of Vermont, where, as his parents hoped, the past would stay hidden and they could build a new façade for the one Todd had recently, though unintentionally, demolished.

        As Todd sat on the floor of his new, empty room, surrounded only by boxes and his bed (which didn’t have a box spring or frame yet), he gazed out of his window forlornly. Through the toothbrush-tipped trees that were jam packed along his new horizon, he could make out the silhouette of a church’s steeple. One that, no doubt, would be frequented by his mother and father while his brother, Jeffrey, was out of state at college, and Todd himself attended the prep school just a few blocks down the road. Out of all the cities in Vermont, Todd’s parents had picked the one with the lowest population and tourist pull, which meant not a lot of people inhabiting the city. However, on the flipside, there wasn’t a wide variety of schools to choose from. Back in Alabama, Todd had attended his local public high school, Nixon, and would have been an incoming senior there if certain... events hadn’t occurred. Instead, Todd was now forced to continue his education at what was deemed “the best all boys prep school in the United States” by his parents and surrounding boarding schools (no pressure).

        Todd’s mind wandered through the recent weeks, pulling apart everything that had happened like rotten cotton candy. This was his life now: a new state, a new town, a new school, brand new everything. And yet, Todd felt stuck between wanting to start over and aching to hold onto his old life. If those five seconds could have gone differently, he’d be preparing for his first day of senior year with all his friends at Nixon. But his friends would never speak to him again, and he’d never walk the halls of Nixon High School ever again. Todd wondered what he could possibly be holding onto? There was nothing in a place he considered home and nothing in a new place that would likely never be home. So much of his past, he wanted to leave behind, but he just… knew that he couldn’t.

        As he reached into the open box beside him, there was a knock on the door. When Todd didn’t answer, the door cracked open, revealing the familiar face of his older brother.

        “Hey, I was going to go on a drive around town, maybe see some of the cool hangout spots if you wanted to come. I know I’m leaving for school in a couple weeks, but might as well check out some places anyway?”

        Jeff always had a way of talking to Todd gently, never with any hints of condescension in his tone. After all, Jeff was the only person in the house who ever acknowledged Todd’s existence. And after everything that had happened, Todd was certain he was no closer to gaining support from his parents than a couple months prior; in fact, he’d been quite sure he was further from garnering any cent of respect, let alone support.

        “Oh, uh… right now?” Todd spoke, barely above a whisper. He knew he didn’t need to feel embarrassed or nervous around Jeff, but that’s just how things were for him now. Anything he said or did felt… wrong, and he didn’t know how to fix it.

        “Yeah, I think Mom and Dad went to pick up some dinner, so I was just thinking that we could head out for a few minutes. Maybe get a little familiar with town and stuff,” Jeff smiled at Todd, his perfectly straight teeth somehow still gleaming in the darkening light of Todd’s room, “Come on, I know you probably don’t feel up to it, but it’d be better than sitting in here while it progressively gets darker,” Jeff attempted to joke, laughing slightly.

        Todd gave him a half smile, half grimace, “Alright. Think I need a jacket?”

        “Want to drive with the top down, so probably,” Jeff smiled, smacking the doorway and turning down the hallway, “Leaving in five!” he called down the hall as he went.

        While they rode leisurely around town, Todd kept his head mostly turned to the side, leaning his cheek on his arm and taking in all the things they drove past. Lots of houses on moderate pieces of land lined the streets; they were nothing like the spacious farms and open pastures of Alabama. Up until recently, Todd had always considered the south home. But truth be told, he wasn’t sure what home was anymore.

        “Oh, sweet, Todd, look! There’s an arcade!” Jeff patted Todd’s shoulder with the back of his hand as he cruised down the street. The big neon lights were hanging over a brick building spelling “GAMES & POOL.” It looked like the marquees Todd had seen of New York City in the magazines. He just nodded at his brother’s sentiment as they pulled up to the red light. Glancing up at the bright sign once more, his gaze was torn away when the door to the arcade opened, revealing five lanky boys spilling out onto the sidewalk.

        “I told you I was going to beat the high score and you punks didn’t believe me!” one with sandy hair said, walking backwards and facing his friends. His face was twisted into a mischievous grin and his voice ricocheted across the street as the boys seemed to be making their way to the movie theatre a few doors down.

        “Charlie, no one cares that you beat the high score,” the tallest one replied; Todd noticed he had a flattop haircut, which is something no one in Alabama would have ever had; Todd thought it looked neat. The flattop’s sentiment earned a chuckle from all the boys, but a particularly loud laugh from a tall, dark-haired boy standing toward the front of the group. He wore beige slacks and a tucked in red flannel with black and white hi-top Chuck Taylor’s. And Todd noticed his dimples were deep into his cheeks while he laughed. As the boys walked down the sidewalk to the theatre ticket vestibule, the light turned green and Jeff began to drive. As the car passed the group, the dark-haired boy looked up and locked eyes with Todd.

        “Neil, still five for Gidget?” the ginger one with glasses said. The dark-haired boy (who Todd could now assume was Neil) held Todd’s gaze for a couple more seconds before tearing his eyes away and nodding at his friend. Todd’s cheeks were ablaze as Jeff drove further away. Trying to not move his head, Todd simply looked back at the boys in the side mirror until they were simply blobbed figures standing under the light of the theatre.

        When Todd and Jeff arrived home, their parents’ car was in the driveway, and the light in the kitchen was on.

        “Hope you’re hungry,” Jeff turned to Todd as he switched the engine off. He just looked at Jeff blankly; his appetite had still not returned, so he didn’t feel hungry much anymore, “I know I am,” Jeff smiled, ruffling Todd’s hair and easing the tension between them. He nodded a little bit and opened the door, Jeff doing the same. As Jeff made his way up the steps, Todd trailed behind him, not wanting to be the first person his parents saw.

        “Jeffy, is that you?” his mother’s voice called from the kitchen.

        “Yeah, Mom, we just went to check out the neighborhood a bit,” Jeff called, slowing his pace, falling into step with Todd and slinging his arm around his little brother’s shoulder.

        “Dinner’s on the table, dear,” she replied as the boys walked into the dining room.

        “Smells good, Ma,” Jeff smiled, taking his seat at the table after patting Todd’s shoulder. Todd sat down tentatively and stared at the spread in front of him. His parents had gotten KFC for the second night in a row, and Todd was about as excited as he was the first time (that being not at all).

        “I know we had it last night, but it really just reminds me of the food back home,” his mother said, pulling her napkin into her lap.

        “You boys eat up, now,” his father said, gesturing to the bucket of chicken and sides in front of the pair. Jeff grabbed his food, and took extra care to offer Todd all of the things he picked up for himself. While their parents busied themselves in a conversation about the pie their neighbors had dropped off, Jeff nudged Todd lightly,

        “Look, I know you’re not hungry, but have a biscuit at least, okay?” he muttered and held one out to his younger brother. Todd took it hesitantly, put it in the middle of his plate, and stared at it, “Come on, Todd. Please,” Jeff mumbled again.

        “What’s that, Jeffrey?” his father turned to him.

        “Oh, nothing, Pop, just telling Todd to have some dinner,” Jeff smiled small. Todd’s father looked at him with disgust.

        “Eat,” he grunted. At the timbre of his father’s voice, Todd flinched slightly and picked off a part of the biscuit to nibble on while the conversation turned to Jeff’s plans for the fall semester. Fading into the background (as usual), Todd tuned out the conversation and focused really hard on his white Chuck Taylor’s, getting a flash of the tall, dark-haired boy’s face in his mind. Neil. Shaking his head slightly, Todd adjusted his gaze to the plate in front of him and waited for another painful dinner to end.

        When the summer had wound down and the weeks in Vermont had become more familiar, Todd’s parents had busied themselves with getting Jeff ready for dorm move-in and paying little, if any, attention to Todd. Currently, Todd was up in his room, preparing for convocation the next day. Jeffrey had left the past Thursday, driving up on his own. He had told Todd to not take everything so seriously and to do the best he could (because he knew that Todd was capable of a lot of things). He also mentioned that he was just a call away if Todd ever needed anything (he wrote his telephone number onto a scrap of paper). Todd had searched the arcade and the theatre a couple times in the hopes of running into the group of boys he had seen on their second night in town, but to no avail.

        Sitting in front of the mirror, Todd analyzed himself. His hair had grown out kind of long, and his mother hadn’t taken him to get it cut, so he’d have to deal with that, but everything else looked normal. Things certainly didn’t feel normal, but he was used to the discomfort by now. The only thing he was truly worried about was his stupid accent. He’d spent the last few weeks hanging around diners and spots with Jeff, and hadn’t heard a single southern accent. He knew his drawl would just make him appear stupid to all these super educated kids, so he’d put a lot of effort into controlling it. He was actually doing okay at it, he just needed to make sure he didn’t slip up. Todd didn’t need any aspect of his personality or appearance to be called attention to. He got up from the floor and crawled into bed, dreading what the next day and year would bring.

        Convocation turtled by, two hours of sitting in a church pew and listening to some headmaster spout of statistics that Todd didn’t care about. As far as he was concerned, he wanted to finish his senior year and get the hell out of here; Todd had always wanted to go to California, but his parents told him it was a pipe dream (“After the stunt you pulled in Alabama, we won’t be funding your college anywhere!” his father had yelled).

        “Ah, Mr. Anderson, is it?” the headmaster questioned when it was Todd’s turn to be introduced after the ceremony.

        “U-uh, yes sir,” he mumbled.

        “Well, we don’t normally take public school transfers, but you will fit in well here. Any major problems you let me know,” he shook Todd’s hand rather harshly.

        “Thank you, sir,” he nodded and moved along.

        Feeling his chest start to tighten, Todd made his way out onto the grass where he sat down against a tree and waited for his parents. After an uncomfortable and awkward goodbye with them, he roamed the grounds a little bit, practicing his newly-fashioned accent quietly to himself. As he rounded a corner to the courtyard, he bumped shoulders with a boy, and turned to apologize, dead-set on making his southern accent unknown (or as unknown as it could be).

        “Ope- sorry about that,” the boy laughed nervously. When Todd looked up at him, it was the boy from outside the arcade all those weeks ago. Shit.

        “S-sorry,” Todd mumbled. The boy nodded a little bit.

        “It’s all good. I’m Neil Perry,” he smiled, holding out his hand, seemingly unaware or forgetting of the fact that they’d seen each other before.

        “Todd Anderson,” he manipulated his tongue to sit flatter in his mouth, so as not to let slip his Alabaman background. He had trouble looking into Neil’s eyes, but when he got a good look, he realized they were dark, dark brown and incredibly deep.

        “Oh, that’s you? I think that makes us roommates,” Neil said, patting Todd on the shoulder. Oh no, Todd thought, his cheeks flushing. Stop it, he thought to himself and cleared his throat.

        “Oh… cool,” Todd nodded a little bit and pursed his lips.

        “I gotta get going. See you soon!” he patted Todd’s shoulder again and took off in the direction he had been going when Todd bumped into him.

        Yep, Todd sighed. This is going to be a long year.

tagging some people (especially those of you who said i should post this heh): @queertoddanderson @babytoddanderson @cupiiid @justarandompjofan @charliedaltonofficial @pretentious-strikes @aedan-mills 

and a big thank you to @noelliza as always bc she’s the best and reads all my stuff before i even think about putting it anywhere on the internet lol <3