#there’s 3 more hours to the flight and I’m on 70% charge

[imagine-a-fangirl]

 Anon requested: i got you fam - neil melendez x reader but like 70% angst, 30% fluff. rest is up to you :)

A/N: Two stories in one day, this is getting crazy. Also not 400 words but 1700(oops) 

Falling for a surgeon was probably never a good idea just thinking about the long days and crazy hours. But being a nurse and falling for the top surgeon was probably even a worse idea. The two of them had gotten along the moment y/n set foot into the hospital as a new nurse. She had learned so much from him and he always seemed to pick her for the surgeries whenever he could. But for her own good y/n had decided this needed to stop, she was on her way to make some great progress career and even gotten a job offer in a more specialized hospital. Y/n had been hesitant to take it but she also knew she couldn’t let her feelings for Neil Melendez get in the way of that. 

Y/n was busy going through a couple files when Neil leaned against the desk “Morning y/n.” “Good morning Dr. Melendez.” She coldly greeted him without looking up He got a little thrown off by her sudden change in behavior but continued either way “I have an interesting surgery on my schedule next week and I want you to be there.” “I’m afraid I won’t be able to do that Dr. Melendez.” Y/n told him, finally looking up from the files. “Why not?” “Because that is my only day off next week.” “Can’t you change shifts? “No I can’t. I might have to plan my whole schedule around you, but luckily I don’t have to do that in my private life.” Y/n knew it was not fair at all to say something like that and she didn’t mean a word of it, but she needed to do something to get some distance from him and this seemed a good step. “Okay then, I’ll see you later y/n.” He excused himself, everything from his posture showed his confusion from the way she had just spoken to him. Jasmine, one of the older nurses chuckled “I’ve never seen dr. Melendez so shaken, I don’t know what you do to him but he really has the hots for you.” “I don’t know what you’re talking about Jasmine.” Y/n got up from her seat and went to check on her patients.  Behaving like this was nothing like her, but she tried to convince herself that she needed to create some distance between her and Neil to be able to move on.

The week whole week had been a challenge for her, she tried to keep Neil at a distance and had to fight the urge to apologize and tell him how she really felt. Y/n tried communicate with the Residents and Dr. Lim to avoid him as much as possible. Of course people noticed her change in behavior, but barely anyone tried to figure out why. Alex and Claire tried to get something out of her when they went out for drinks but they quickly realized she wasn’t spilling anything. Y/n did tell them about the job offer she had gotten and they both were really excited for her. After they finished Alex walked her home and started talking again “What is holding you back?” “What you mean?” Alex shook his head “The offer is a great opportunity, but something is holding you back.” “It’s nothing Alex, I just need some time to think. It’s a big decision.” “It is.” Alex agreed “But you want to take it, that’s why your behavior changed. Look you don’t have to tell me what it is, all I know is that pushing people away is not going to make this decision easier.”

The next morning y/n was called early, Jasmin had called in sick and they needed someone to fill in for the operation Melendez had told y/n about the week before. With a healthy dose of reluctance she got out of bed and got ready for work. Neil had been right, this surgery was a great opportunity. Not only the surgery was an interesting one, but the patient as well he was some criminal who was both a flight risk and dangerous. Would it been two weeks earlier y/n would be the most excited one there, but things were different now.  “Nurse l/n I’m surprised to see you here, I thought your schedule wasn’t revolved around me.” Neil remarked when he saw her in the OR. “I’m here because Jasmin got sick and someone had to fill in for her Dr. Melendez.” Y/n remained professional, pretending she didn’t hear the angry undertone in his voice. “Alright then.” Without to many more words the team started the operation, Melendez communicated as little as he could with her

Y/n was placed in charge of the care around their patient, protocol stated he was kept handcuffed to his bed, communication mostly went through the intercom and they could never go in the room alone. The officers were guarding the room in case something happened. Everything seemed normal he had woken up, still weak but he responded to all the test, his vital signs were steady and so it looked like she was going to get home on time. Y/n got up to do a final check on the patient “How are you feeling? Is there anything I can get you before the next shift takes over?” Y/n waited a moment  for the man to respond but he didn’t. “Sir, do you hear me?” y/n tapped on the window to see if he’d respond but he didn’t. “Page Dr. Park and Dr. Melendez please.” Y/n called to the nurse station She opened the door to see what was wrong, completely forgetting protocol. “Sir are you alright?” she checked the machines but the vital signs seemed completely normal. She checked his pulse, but when she did she noticed his cuff wasn’t on there. Before she did much as look up she felt multiple punches. She hit her head against the floor as she fell down, but before things could get worse, Park, Melendez and the two officers pulled him away from her. “Claire take care of y/n, now!” Melendez called before sedating the man. Claire helped her up and got her out of the room and into another to treat her. Alex soon followed and told a nurse to prep for both x-ray of her chest and a ct-abdomen. Not much later Dr Melendez stormed into the room “What were you thinking?!” Neil started to yell at her “You knew the protocol!” “Neil.” Claire tried “He wasn’t responding, I did what I thought I needed to do.” Y/n calmly responded, her head was still pounding, her arm hurt and she noticed she had some trouble breathing. “Why didn’t you wait until one of us was there?” Park tried to be the voice of reason between the two of them. “You knew he was dangerous, you knew you shouldn’t go in alone and what you did was stupid!” Neil yelled again. “Why don’t you keep an eye on him next time, if you know it all so well.” “I don’t know what I did to you to deserve this attitude this past week, but you better get it together! You know better than this.” y/n tried to ignore the desperate undertone in his voice “Don’t worry about that Dr. Melendez, I won’t be your problem for very much longer.” “What?” “I’ve been offered a job at another hospital and I’ve just decided to take it.” Y/n tried to get up from the bed, she needed to get away from him before she would do something stupid. “Y/n stop you need to stay in bed, we still have to see if there is internal damage.” Alex tried to get her back into the bed. She tried to push him away but the last thing she felt was the cold floor before her whole world went dark.

Y/n woke up to soothing sound of the monitors, only to realize the monitors were not a normal sound to wake up to. As she opened her eyes it took a minute to realize what had happened. She looked at the clock which was on 3 o’clock and judging by the darkness she saw through the window it was the middle of the night. “You’re awake.” She looked to the other side of her bed, not realizing he had been sitting there holding onto her hand “What are you doing here?” “You collapsed right in front of me, you didn’t think I’d just leave did you?” “I’m sorry.” “Don’t  be.” He assured her “You made a mistake that’s all, I’m just glad that you’re okay now.” “I meant for my behavior this week, I thought it would make it easier for myself to push you away.” She confessed “Would make what easier? Taking that job offer?” Neil was a little confused “You know I’d never hold you back, right? Park told me about it, it’s an amazing opportunity and you deserve it.” “I know you wouldn’t hold me back.” y/n removed her hand from his “But I would hold myself back, because of my feelings for you.” Maybe it were the drugs in her system that made it so easy to tell how she felt or maybe it was the fact that she was just attacked but she wasn’t afraid anymore. “Why didn’t you tell me?” “I was to scared to ruin our friendship, I know it’s such a cliché.” Neil couldn’t help but laugh “I don’t care if it’s cliché or not, I wish you told me sooner.” He took her hand in his once again. “Because I could have put your mind at ease, I like you y/n. I might even go as far as to say that I love you.” “Are you serious?” “I am.” He promised “And that doesn’t change if you take another job. It anything it would make things easier, since we wouldn’t have any problems with HR.” Y/n laughed for a short moment before wincing in pain “We’ll talk about this later over a dinner, okay? Right now you have to rest and get better.”

[snarksandkisses]

What I think about COVID-19 this morning - Malia Jones, PhD, MPH

What I think about COVID-19 this morning

March 5, 2020

 Maybe I'm the closest thing you personally know to an infectious disease epidemiologist. Maybe not--I'm not an expert on this virus by any stretch, but I have general knowledge and training from studying epidemics that is applicable, so here are my thoughts. 

 First and foremost: we are going to see a tremendous increase in the number of US cases of COVID-19 in the next week. This is not because of some new pattern in the spread of the disease, but rather due to a major change in the requirements to be tested. Until yesterday, if you had flulike illness but had not recently traveled to China, Italy, South Korea, or Iran, you could not be tested. This is just the way healthcare works, you get tested if you meet the case definition and the case definition included travel.

 As of yesterday, you can be tested if you are sick and have a doctor's order to be tested. So expect things to feel a lot more panicky all of a sudden. We will see hundreds or thousands of new cases as a result of testing increases.

 Second: is that panic legitimate? Sort of. This is not the zombie apocalypse. The death rate of 30 deaths per 1000 cases is probably a wild overestimate. (The denominator is almost certainly wrong because it is confirmed cases--and we only confirm cases when we test for them). That said, even at 3 per 1000 cases, this would be a big deal. A very big deal. By way of comparison, the death rate for influenza is between 1 and 2 in 1000 cases. So, yeah. Roughly 0x to 30x worse than a huge global flu pandemic? That's a problem.

 Unlike flu, COVID-19 is not *particularly* dangerous for children, so that’s some happy news. It is dangerous for older adults and those with lung conditions, so we need to be extra careful to protect those populations from exposure. 

Also, for millions of Americans, getting any serious illness requiring a hospitalization is a major problem because they can't pay for it. And our health care system is probably going to struggle to keep up with it all. And with China basically closed, our global economy is going to take a huge hit and we'll feel the shockwaves for years. Those are real concerns.

 What can we do? Our focus should be on *slowing down the spread* of this disease so that we have time to get caught up. Here is my advice:

 1. Wash. Your. Hands. Wash them so much.

The current best guess is that coronavirus is transmitted via close contact and surface contamination. A very small study came out yesterday suggesting that the virus causing COVID-19 is *mostly* transmitted via contact with contaminated surfaces.

I have started washing my hands each time I enter a new building and after being in shared spaces (classrooms especially), in addition to the standard practice of washing after using the bathroom and before eating. Soap and water. Hand sanitizer also kills this virus, as does rubbing alcohol (the main ingredient in hand sanitizer).

 There is no need to be obsessive about this. Just wash your hands. A little bit more effort here goes a long way. 

 2. Don’t pick your nose. Or put your fingers in your mouth, on your lips, or in your eyes. Surface contact works like this: you touch something dirty. Maybe it's an elevator button. Virus sticks to your hands. Then you rub your eye. Then you touch your sandwich, and put the sandwich in your mouth. Now there is virus in your eyes and mouth. See?

 You may be thinking, but I don’t pick my nose because I am an adult! An observational study found that people sitting at a desk working touched their eyes, nose, or lips between 3 and 50 times per hour. Perfectly normal grown-ups, not lowlifes like my friends.

 2a. There was one note that came out suggesting that face masks actually promote surface contamination because you're always adjusting them--i.e., touching your face. I don’t know if that’s true. But face masks should not be worn by the public right now, unless you are the person who is sick and you're on your way to or actually at the doctor's office. The mask’s function is to prevent spit from flying out of your mouth and landing on things when you cough or sneeze. It flies out of your mouth and is caught in the mask instead. If you are the person who is sick and not on the way to the doctor, go home. Let the people who really need them have the masks. Like doctors.

 [ETA on 3/6/2020 honestly people I am getting so much push back on the mask recommendation!! The world is running low on masks. If everyone wants a mask so they can feel ok about keeping their Daytona Beach Spring Break plans and then hospitals in India can't buy them anymore, shame on us.]

 Coronavirus does not appear to be airborne in the sense that doesn't remain floating around freely in the air for a long time, like measles does. You are probably not going to breathe it in, unless someone is coughing in front of you. If someone is coughing in your face, feel free to tell them to get their ass home and move 6 feet away from them. (Yeah I know, if you have a toddler, you're screwed.)

 3. Sanitize the objects you and lots of other people touch, especially people outside your family--like door handles, shared keyboards at schools (brrr), salad bar tongs, etc. Best guesses are that the virus can live on surfaces for 2-48 hours, maybe even longer, depending on the surface, temperature, and humidity.

 Many common household cleaning products will kill this virus. However, white vinegar solution does not. You can make your own inexpensive antimicrobial spray by mixing 1 part household bleach to 99 parts cold tap water. Spray this on surfaces and leave for 10-30 minutes. Note: this is bleach. It will ruin your sofa.

 4. "Social distancing." You're going to get so sick of this phrase. This means keeping people apart from one another (preferably 6 feet apart, and sanitizing shared objects). This public health strategy is our next line of defense, and its implementation is what will lead to flights and events cancelled, borders closed, and schools closed.

 For now, you could limit face-to-face meetings, especially large ones. Zoom is an excellent videoconferencing option. If you spend time in shared spaces, see #1. Ask your child's school about their hygiene plan, if they haven't already told you what it is. If I were in charge of a school setting, I'd be hand sanitizing the s*** out of the kids' hands, including in and out of each space, and taking temperatures at the door. I am planning to email our school nurse right after this to ask if they need my volunteer help cleaning surfaces.

 If you can telecommute, do that a little more. If you are someone's boss and they could do their job remotely, encourage them to do that. 

 Avoid large gatherings of people if at all possible, especially if they are in an area with cases OR places that lots of people travel to. If you attend group events and start to feel even a little bit sick within 2 to 14 days, you need to self isolate immediately. Like for a tiny tickle in your throat.

 5. All your travel plans are about to get screwed up. If you are considering booking flights right now, get refundable tickets. ETA: most trip insurance will not cover cancellations due to a pandemic. Look for "cancel for any reason" trip insurance. 

 Considerations for risks related to that trip you’re planning: how bad would it be if you got stuck where you are going for 3 to 6 weeks? How bad would it be to be isolated at home for 2-3 weeks upon your return? Do you have direct contact with people who are over 70 and/or have lung conditions? If those seem really bad to you, rethink your trip, especially if it is to a location where there are confirmed cases. 

 6. If you are sick, stay home. Please! For the love of all that is holy. Stay at home. Your contributions to the world are really just not that important.

 7. There is a good chance some communities will see school cancelled and asked to limit non-essential movement. If someone in your family gets sick your family will almost certainly be isolated for 2-3 weeks (asked to stay at home). You could start stocking up with essentials for that scenario, but don't run out and buy a years' worth of toilet paper. Again, not the apocalypse. 2 weeks' worth of essential items. Refill any prescriptions, check your supply of coffee, kitty litter, and jigsaw puzzles.

 8. I do want to remind everyone that when public health works, the result is the least newsworthy thing ever: nothing happens. If this all fizzles out and you start feeling like ‘Wah, all that fuss for nothing??’ Then send a thank-you note to your local department of public health for a job well done. Fingers crossed for that outcome.

 9. Look, I think there are some positives here. All this handwashing could stop flu season in its tracks! We have an opportunity to reduce our global carbon footprint by telecommuting more, flying less, and understanding where our stuff comes from. We can use this to think about the problems with our healthcare system. We can use this to reflect on our positions of privilege and implicit biases. We can start greeting each other using jazz hands. I'm genuinely excited about those opportunities.

 There is a lot we don't yet know about this virus. It didn't even exist 90 days ago. So stay tuned, it is an evolving situation. The WHO website has a decent FAQ. Free to email or text with questions, and you can forward this to others if you think it's useful.

 May the force be with you. 

 Malia Jones, PhD, MPH

maliajones@gmail.com

 I’m an Assistant Scientist in Health Geography at the Applied Population Laboratory at the University of Wisconsin-Madison. I study social contact of humans, and spatial patterns of infectious disease, among other things. 

   P.S. The number one question I am getting is, did you really write this? Yes. I wrote this. 

 I didn't write it for professional purposes, so I didn't put my work email on it. It was really just meant to be an email to my friends and family in advance of what I expect to be an escalation in the panic level. But it was apparently welcome information and went viral on FB. I've decided not to edit out the swears, even though I wrote this with a much smaller audience in mind. 

 Thanks for checking your facts! Go science! 

[highkey-lowkey-as-hell]

Watt martian au? Tell me more

!!!!! okay SO

so it was very very important to me that the finale squad be the ares 3 crew because i just needed that to be a thing so

lewis - cairo

martinez - reese

vogel - annleigh

beck - kate

johanssen - eva

watney - mattie

so mattie is, unfortunately, the one who gets stranded on mars

and then for the other four

mitch henderson - riley

venkat kapoor - chess

annie montrose - farrah

mindy park - clark

SO

cairo is the commander of the ares 3 mission, and she's also the geologist

reese pilots the mdv (how they get from the hermes down to mars), the mav (how they get from mars back to the hermes), and i think the hermes (which is the ship that takes them to and from mars, it's really big and expensive so there's only one that's used for the entire ares program)

annleigh is the chemist and astrodynamicist

eva is the computer expert

kate is the flight surgeon and eva specialist (eva stands for extra-vehicular activity, or anything done outside of an earth atmosphere)

mattie is the botanist and engineer

riley is the head of astronaut corps

chess is the manager of the entire ares program

farrah is in charge of nasa's pr

clark works in satellite imaging and he's the one who figures out that mattie is alive

(also they refer to the astronauts with their last names because nasa so technically i should be saying adekoya, roberts, o'daniel, sanchez, dalton, and wheeler, but no♥️)

the mission i think was around 200 days to mars, and then reese piloted the mdv down to the surface, where all their stuff for the mission was there in advance. in the first few days, they set up the hab (base of operations, where they live, etc), the solar panels, and checked out the mav - the ship that was sent in advance and would bring them back to hermes

on sol (mars days are called sols and they're about forty minutes longer than earth days) 6, the mission was hit with a huge sandstorm - the mission was designed to withstand up to 150 km per hour winds, and the storm was 175 km per hour, so yeah, that was very very BAD. the problem wasn't whether the hab would pop - the problem was that the mav couldn't stand up to that much wind for that long. so houston gave the order to abort and they all suited up and went out in the storm to try and get to the mav. halfway there, mattie was struck by debris (the satellite dish) and the antenna went right through her bio-monitor, showing all her vitals as 0. cairo refused to stop looking, but the mav began to tip and she had to get back, and they left for the hermes, believing mattie to be dead.

SURPRISE!! mattie is not, in fact, dead!

the antenna also ripped a hole in her, but the angle at which she landed and also the blood created a weak seal, so her suit was okay. she stayed passed out while the co2 filters were expended, the suit backfilled with nitrogen, and then eventually the oxygen alarm went off because the suit had to backfill with pure oxygen, and the concentration was about 85% which is very bad. she got up, got back to the hab, fixed her wound, and began to figure out what the fuck to do.

the primary comm system was in the satellite dish, which, as mentioned, definitely wasn't functional. the secondary and tertiary comm systems were in the mav, which the rest of the crew took up to the hermes, so clearly those were gone too, so mattie has no way to get in contact with earth or hermes. and in the case of an abort, hermes would only stay in orbit for 24 hours, so by the time mattie could fix the satellite, they'd be long gone.

the surface mission was only for 31 sols, but for redundancy, nasa sent 56 sols worth of food. since they got 6 sols into their mission, mattie has 50 sols of food for 6 people. since she's only one person, she has 300 sols of food, which if she rationed it, would stretch to 400 sols. except she has four years before ares 4 is supposed to launch, and 400 sols of food won't reach there. but!

the surface mission was during thanksgiving, so nasa's psychologists were like "hey, maybe they should cook a meal together for bonding" and so mattie has twelve non freeze dried potatoes. and! she's a BOTANIST! and because of that, she has some stuff for plant experiments - some earth soil! the only problem with mars soil is that it doesn't have the bacteria that is needed for plants, but mattie can mix her soil with mars soil in the hab and have enough to farm a bunch of potatoes. potatoes plus vitamins can help stretch her food supply!

so she grows potatoes. except water is a problem. so she figures she can make water using liquid oxygen, and then gets hydrogen from leftover hydrazine fuel, by running the hydrazine over an iridium catalyst and separating the nitrogen and hydrogen, and then burning the hydrogen and oxygen to make water. except she miscalculated and accidentally filled the hab with hydrogen and made a bomb. so she burned the hydrogen off little by little, forgot to calculate the oxygen she was breathing, blew herself up, and then tried again and eventually fixed her hydrogen problem. so after a lot of effort, she had a way to make water for the potatoes.

the whole time, she's been bored as hell because she left her own entertainment usb stick on the hermes, to focus on the mission, but now she's super bored, so she rifles through the other crewmembers' stuff and finds medical journals in kate's stuff (nerd), nothing in reese's stuff, annleigh's stuff is in german, agatha christie novels in eva's stuff, and disco music and 70s tv in cairo's stuff. so she's losing her mind listening to SO MUCH DISCO.

back on earth, chess is begging the director of nasa, teddy sanders, for some satellite time to take pictures of the ares 3 site, because she figures that since they aborted so early, there's still almost an entire mission up there and she might be able to get funding for an ares 6 mission, she just needs pictures of what the site looks like and the damage from the storm. teddy keeps denying the request because nasa is a public domain organization and has to release all the photos they take within 24 hours, and teddy doesn't want astronaut wheeler's body on the front page of every newspaper in america. eventually, chess convinces him to give her the satellite time, and clark is assigned to take her pictures. when he does, he notices that the solar panels are clean, one of the rovers has been moved, the mdv has been disassembled (mattie needed the hydrazine), and he can't find mattie's body. so he calls chess and they realize shit, mattie is alive. farrah, being the pr manager, is tasked with telling the world that mattie wheeler is alive, which is a disaster, and they work on getting in contact with mattie. riley says "shit, we have to tell the crew" but teddy and chess veto it, because the crew still has ten months of space travel ahead of them, and they need to focus on their mission. riley is pissed, but there's nothing she can do.

in the meantime, mattie figures that in four years, she needs to be at the schiaparelli crater, where ares 4 will land, which is really far away from acidalia planetia, where ares 3 is. so she needs to drive like 3400 kilometers to schiaparelli. as a test, she modifies the rover and spends three weeks driving 1500 kilometers to the site of pathfinder, a 1996 probe that nasa lost contact with in 1997. she gets pathfinder, brings it back to the hab, gets it working, and nasa realizes what she's doing and sets up the old pathfinder computers. mattie hacks the rover, and BAM, she can talk to nasa!

since she has her potatoes, that stretches her food supply a bunch, which gives nasa time to hopefully build a probe to send her supplies to help her last until ares 4 arrives. now that there's a viable rescue plan, riley is cleared to tell the crew.

back on the hermes, eva just got the data dump and she's dispatching personal emails to everyone's laptops when she notices a video file for all of them, and cairo calls the whole crew to come watch. it's riley, saying that mattie is alive and they're going to try to rescue her. mattie stresses that it wasn't the crew's fault every time it comes up. annleigh, reese, kate, and eva are all thrilled that mattie is alive, but cairo is devastated that they left her behind.

mattie has been using airlock 1 every time she leaves the hab, just because that's the one she uses, but the constant use has put a lot of wear and tear on the seams and one day, it's too much and as she's in the airlock, the hab pops, blasting her about 100 meters away, still in the airlock. her faceplate gets cracked, and after 24 hours in the airlock, she manages to fix it, but it's super leaky and it'll only last 4 minutes. so she rolls the airlock back to the hab, goes back in, manages to have just enough time to grab reese's suit's helmet and patch kit, and then escapes to the rover. she gets back in contact with nasa, says she's okay, and fixes the hab, but being exposed to mars's atmosphere killed all her crops, shortening her food supply significantly. so the probe nasa is going to send needs to be a whole lot faster.

nasa builds iris in about 46 days, but they have to cancel inspections to save some time, and the launch fails, and they don't have another booster, so mattie is totally fucked.

nasa's psychologists have mattie write emails to each member of her crew, just in case she doesn't make it, which is becoming more and more likely. the emails (summarized):

to reese: if i die, you need to be the one to talk to my parents. they'll wanna hear about mars. it won't be easy, i know, but i'm asking you to do it, because you're my best friend.

to eva: you're a nerd. seriously, i had to do so much computer stuff to connect pathfinder to the rover and how the hell can you stand it oh my god, you're such a nerd.

to annleigh: chemistry is boring, i hate it. also you are a chemist with a base on mars, you're some sort of mad scientist supervillain.

to kate: okay so i don't have to follow mission rules anymore so: dude... you gotta tell eva how you feel or you'll regret it.

to cairo: it wasn't your fault, okay? you did the right thing, you saved everybody else. don't blame yourself. also why the FUCK do you like disco so goddamn much???????

so it turns out that china actually has a booster that isn't public knowledge, so if nasa could build another probe, china could supply the booster. they agree to it, in exchange that the ares 5 crew will have a chinese astronaut. an astrodynamicist named rich purnell realizes that it would be so much more likely to succeed if they sent the hermes back to mars, so he plots a course that could have china's booster, the taiyang shen, resupply the hermes, and then the hermes would go back to mars, do a flyby, and mattie would meet them in space using the ares 4 mav. the problem is there's only one booster, so they can either build iris 2, which has a high chance of killing one person, or do the rich purnell maneuver, which has a low chance of killing six people. teddy decides to go with iris 2, but riley is furious and disagrees and secretly sends the ares 3 crew the instructions for the rich purnell maneuver.

on the ship, annleigh has a personal email from her family that has a jpeg attachment she can't get open, so she goes and finds eva, who realizes it isn't a jpeg, it's a plain ascii file. annleigh recognizes it as a maneuver for the hermes and explains it to the whole crew. cairo says that if they were to do this, which is something that nasa expressly rejected, it would be mutiny, so it isn't her decision to make. they all have to unanimously agree. obviously, all of them immediately agree to go back and save mattie.

riley gets in trouble with teddy for sending the maneuver, but she has no regrets.

nasa tells mattie the plan for the flyby, and she's cool with it - after all, she already had a plan to drive to schiaparelli eventually.

nasa launches the taiyang shen, and it goes perfectly, resupplying the hermes as expected.

back on mars, mattie is modifying the rovers for the trip to schiaparelli. part of this involves drilling a hole in the roof of rover 1, so that she can fit the life support machines she needs in it during the trip. she accidentally leans the drill against a table, and accidentally sends 9000 milliamps through pathfinder's system, which is designed for 100 milliamps, and totally fries it so she can't talk to nasa anymore, which is bad. she decides to proceed with the plan as intended, and once she gets to the ares 4 mav, she'll be able to talk to nasa again.

back on the hermes, reese complains that the cooling system by her room isn't working, and it's basically trying to cook her every night. mattie's room next to hers has the exact same problem. so she's been sleeping in airlock 2, but that's very dangerous for very obvious reasons. so cairo says "okay, you can sleep in kate's room, and kate can sleep with eva." kate apparently took mattie's email to heart, and they've been trying to be subtle, but it's a pretty small ship and everyone knows they're together. cairo says she doesn't care, since this is already a pretty crazy mission, as long as it doesn't mess with their duties.

back on mars, mattie begins her 100 sol drive to schiaparelli. the problem: there's a dust storm, and her rover is powered by solar panels. it's not as violent as the one that forced them to abort the mission, it's just a huge cloud of dust she can get stuck in. but she manages to figure out how to get around the storm and continues on her merry way to the schiaparelli crater.

when she reaches schiaparelli and begins to descend into the crater, her rover hits a soft spot on the ramp and flips over. she's fine, and it doesn't take too long to fix, so eventually she continues on.

and now she has reached schiaparelli!!!! she gets back in contact with nasa through the mav, and nasa lets the hermes and mav talk directly - not a call, just emails back and forth, but they get to have a conversation and the hermes is so close to earth at this point that they're only a couple light-seconds away, so there's barely any delay.

problem: normally, the hermes would orbit mars for 31 sols and then the mav would bring the crew to low mars orbit and dock with the hermes, but the flyby won't let the hermes go into orbit, so mattie has to basically gut the mav to make it light enough to get up into space entirely. part of that involves removing the entire front of the ship, and the control panels, so mattie won't control the ship - reese will pilot it remotely. everything is good to go, and they're ready for launch.

the day of the rescue comes, and because mars and earth are 12 light-minutes apart, if the ares crew asked a question, it would take 24 minutes to get a response, so they're entirely on their own with no help from nasa. the plan is for reese to fly the ship, eva sysops the ascent, and kate literally has to go out in space, catch the mav, and bring mattie back while annleigh is their backup. reese launches the ship, and mattie had to cover the hole with hab canvas, which rips in the ascent and throws mattie off course. they're 68 kilometers apart, which is way too far. they use the attitude adjusters to get closer to the mav, but then they're going 42 meters per second, which is way too fast. to slow down,,,,, cairo has annleigh build a bomb and they blow a hole in the vehicular airlock, which helps them slow down enough that kate can catch mattie.

kate goes out, gets mattie out of the ship, and annleigh reels them in. cairo reports six crew safely aboard, and there's worldwide celebration.

kate brings mattie back to the medbay and bandages her ribs, and it ends with mattie sitting in the medbay, sore, exhausted, starving, vision blurry from acceleration sickness, and so goddamn happy that she's going to live. she reflects a bit on how many people came together to save her life, and how that's basic human nature, and she's just really glad to be on her way back to earth.

[disappearinginq]

top 5 true stories about yourself

I feel like I set myself up for this:

1. I dressed up, with my three closest horse-y friends, as the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. I went as War, given the gingery-ness, but also because I wanted to ride the Red Mare. We were dressed up in full on movie costume - masks and weapons and even the horses were decked out, and rode in tandem at one of the old battlefields where they were doing haunted hayrides/walks in the woods. They weren’t the “sexy” version, either - we looked like color coded ring wraiths. Death had a half scull mask and we painted a skeleton on her horse with glow in the dark paint. Conveniently, the humidity was up, so all of the horses (and us, I would guess) had the cool ‘steamy breath’ look going on as we came out of the shadows to chase people down (we didn’t really, we just loped along and people ran). We caused two accidents, a minor coronary event, and had a lot of people screaming the end is nigh aaaaaaaaaaaand got banned from Halloween in the town in Virginia we were in.

And not. ONE. GODDAMN. PICTURE.

2. I passed the bar exam in Virginia on a whim when I was trying to get out of work at the Navy shipyard and they told me I had to have a good excuse for needing the day off. Apparently, that meant I could legally practice law in the commonwealth if I had spent a year working in a law office. 

3. I willed my not-nephew into existence (they call me auntie, they’re technically my godchildren, but I’m not Catholic, and I have a bio sister who has no kids, so we just...roll with it). My friend told me she was expecting, and everyone told her it was going to be another girl, and I said it was going to be a boy. Even the first scan/test to find out, the doctor thought it was a girl. Nope. Boy, I demanded. I want one of each. Friend told me that’s not how it works, and BAM. SHE HAD A BOY. And the best part? That kid looks just like me. It’s awesome. If I decided to kidnap him in public, people would think he was my kid before they would believe he belonged to his biological parents. He’s huge (just like I was) for his age. His hair color is the same. Shit, he even acts the same as I did when I was his age. People who know I don’t have children look at pictures of us and ask when I had a son.

Though him being a boy did rob me of the opportunity of calling him my little Athena. C’est la vie.

4. I was declared legally dead. Twice. And not because of a medical miracle or anomaly - not medically dead. I was just legally dead. And you can’t just show up un-dead in the military and expect them to buy it. You actually have to go through a physical. More than once. I had to prove I was physically alive and it was some dumbass paperwork error, and after the second time of jumping through some bullshit hoops, I informed the Navy that if it happened a third time, I wasn’t going to correct them and I was just going to take my half-million dollar life insurance policy and go home.

5. To prove a point, I ran away for two weeks on a boat. Aircraft carriers are 4 1/2 acres of living space, and I had been on the boat longer than most people who were in charge. More importantly, I had jobs that required me to go all over, so I knew all the secret hidey holes. When we were being tasked with tagging out and working on highly energized equipment, we legally had to use the blueprints in order to determine what switches to turn off to keep us from getting electrocuted. Except the blueprints were wrong. They never matched up, and we got shocked like 6 times - with 440 volts - and got in trouble for it every time. But we weren’t allowed to not follow the blueprints, because according to our Navy Boss, it was our fault, not the blueprints. So in a fit of self-preservation fueled rage, I decided I wasn’t coming into work. Keep in mind, we were at sea, so literally, there was nowhere for me to go (except that one time I actually got flown off without them knowing about it, but...different story.) My boss knew I was on the boat somewhere. Except they couldn’t find me. I wasn’t even sleeping in my supposed rack because I had been ranked kicked out of it some days prior, and I had found my own living space at the back end of the ship where no one went and I don’t think anyone knew about, which was great because it was quiet and I had the bathroom and a room that was meant for 70 people to myself. Anyway. During the day, I hid out in the chapel. No one questioned what I was doing there. My last name lends itself to credibility in a church setting. Even the Chaplin thought I worked for him, because attached to the chapel was the library and the movie theater (yep. We had those on a Navy vessel), and I would organize the books, help check things out, provide legal counseling (other separate story). I showed up to “work” at the right hours, I sat through every service, I was practically nocturnal at this point - I had to be to avoid running into my chain of command. I used ‘illegal’ stairwells to get around that were meant for officers only, and I was a lowly enlisted - but if you carry a clipboard with you, no one questions you. Anyway - the reason of hiding in the chapel was because according to the fucking blueprints, it was on the other side of the ship, four decks down and fifty frames forward. That’s like...half a mile difference. And the doors weren’t easy to find, either, because they’d put it there by accident. You had to go either across a flight deck (BAD IDEA), come up through an officer’s stairwell, OR - you had to go down two decks, over one, back up a single stairwell and then through an improperly marked Z scuttle. The other part is that the chapel, movie theater, and library weren’t obviously in the same space - they took up three frames, and had a door that no one noticed in the back of each one. Basically - who the fuck designed this place, besides crackheads. 

Here’s where the point I was trying to prove comes in: I called the office from the library because they were threatening a court martial. The conversation went along the lines of: 

Chief: Get your ass back here or I’ll see to it your Navy career is over! Me: Promises, promises. Tell you what. If you can find me, I’ll come back to work.  Chief: Fine - where the fuck are you? Me: The library.  Chief:....we have a library? Me: Mmmmmhmmmmm.....if you check the blueprints, you’ll see exactly where I am. Come and get me, fat man. 

Three weeks later, he had to call a truce and agree to not make us use the blueprints and let us just line trace from equipment back to the power sources so we could stop getting zapped. 

[rivs72rivgs]

I Bought A(nother) Boattail (Part 3)

Settling into the second from last row of seats, on the window, I got situated.  With nothing but the battery for my impact wrench (checked as luggage, see Part 2 for that fiasco.) and a charging cable for my phone, it takes moments to get settled.  Looking at the seat in front of me, there’s a USB port to plug my charging cable into.  Except, the cable won’t plug in.  I look a bit more closely, try flipping the cable orientation, nothing.  Plug is broke, there will be noooo charging of my phone on this flight.  Greeeeeat.  The plane departs on time, aside from grabbing a Coke during beverage service, I pass the flight reading on my phone, watching the state of charge drop slowly from 100%...75%...50%...35%...the plane lands on time, phone battery has 30% charge.  Ok, no worries.  I take my time deplaning, so as to give my carry-on bag a head start to baggage claim.  It’s a little before quarter to 12pm when we land, I don’t get to baggage claim until nearly 12:30.  The dealership closes at 3pm, and is an hour drive away.  The earliest possible time I can now reasonably expect to get to the dealership is 2pm, figuring I’m in the car by 1pm.  I’m standing at the carousel, waiting with a DeWalt 60V Flexvolt battery in my hand.  The battery gets heavy, just holding it, so I shift it from hand to hand, feeling my forearm start to cramp.  Periodically checking the time, having eaten up most of my cushion that I had, bags start coming up the conveyor onto the carousel.  Nope, nope, nope.  Nothing.  Nothing yet, still waiting.  at 1:10, 90 minutes after I landed, my bag comes off the carousel.  I grab it, I’m out of time, I have to get to the rental car pickup, get the car and get going, I’m now looking at arriving at the dealership around 3pm, just in time for them to close.  I get on the shuttle from baggage claim to rental car pickup, head through the automatic door and find...a crowd and a line at the rental car pickup.  It’s 1:20.  The line is 6 or 7 people, there’s ONE rental agent working the desk.  I get in line, and wait.  Another rental agent arrives and begins working to check in customers, process reservations and such.  While waiting in line, I hear other rental car employees calling names, announcing their car is ready.  I don’t think much, as I’ve a reservation for Noon, and it’s 1:30pm, my car will be ready for me to hop in as soon as I clear the line.  I’m finally called to the counter, and the agent gives me the news: They don’t have a car ready for me, they’re washing cars and getting them prepared as quickly as they can, and that all the people in the crowd are waiting for cars.  My reservation was meaningless.  Nothing to do but endure it. I finish checking in, and find a place to sit and wait, the phone charge is 22%.  No place to charge the phone, either.  I strike up a conversation with a couple, a mother and son while I wait.  I take a moment to message K expressing frustration over the delays I was experiencing, and that I may be unable to get to the dealership before they close.  I vent, and bring up the fact that they were unwilling to bring the car to me, to meet me, which considering the then current circumstance (running behind by delay and fiasco after debacle) was completely rational.  K assures me that he will meet me at the dealership, even if they’re closed.  I’m reassured, but not thrilled, because I have a flight to catch home, so my time at the dealer will be limited by time to commute back to the airport in time for my return flight.  70 minutes after I walked through the door to the rental car agency, I’m in a car, bombing north, 10 over the limit.  It’s 2:37pm.  Three HOURS after I landed.  THREE HOURS!  The hits keep coming.

Stay Tuned

[cecphotos]

Reach For The Stars in Joshua Tree National Park

Price: $950, $250 dollar deposit required, Optional Post-Processing After Workshop for $125 More details on pricing and deposit below.

Join me May 14-16, 2021 in Joshua Tree National Park for a multi-day immersive experience amongst ethereal Joshua Trees, amazing rock formations and dark skies. This unforgettable photographic experience will include four Golden Hours and two nights exploring the vast arid landscapes in one of the country's most interesting National Parks.

Scroll down for all the details

About The Workshop

During this workshop, I will guide you through Joshua Tree National Park while helping you to translate emotion and vision through our photographic medium. I am dedicated to providing the best instruction on all aspects of the art of landscape photography and night photography. Whether you are just beginning or are a seasoned pro, I am ready to help you move forward with your photography as all levels are welcome to participate. Together we will create an unforgettable photographic experience this spring by chasing light and capturing the early spring night sky.

Itinerary

Tentative Schedule:  Since this is a field workshop, we will remain flexible to weather and light conditions to ensure we are able to shoot during the most ideal conditions. The final itinerary with exact times will be made available on Day 1. Lodging, airfare, transportation, park fees and all meals are the responsibility of the attendee.

DAY 1: Friday, May 14th 6:00 PM Meet at Park Entrance (Meet and Greet) 6:30 PM Depart for Sunset Shoot 8:00 PM Depart back to Dinner and Rest For Astro Session 11:00 PM Meet For Astro Session

DAY 2: Saturday, May 15th

4:00 AM Move to Sunrise Location (if necessary) 6:00 AM Return To Hotel for Meals and Rest 6:00 PM Meet for Sunset Shoot 8:00 PM Depart back to Dinner and Rest For Astro Session 11:00 PM Meet For Astro Session

DAY 3: Sunday, May 16th

4:00 AM Move to Sunrise Location (if necessary) 7:00 AM Workshop Concludes for rest and easy check out of Hotels.

Transportation

No Transportation will be provided to, from or during the workshop. All attendees are responsible for arranging their own transportation. Any car will be sufficient for our outings, but a vehicle with higher clearance may allow you more ease on some roads throughout the park.

Airports

The nearest airport is in Palm Springs, California

Los Angeles is about 140 Miles to the West

San Diego is about 170 Miles to the South

Rental Cars

Many options are available for renting a vehicle of any kind from either airport listed above. Any car will be sufficient for our outings, but a vehicle with higher clearance could make driving easier on some roads in the park.

Accomodation

Hotels:

There is no lodging available within Joshua Tree National Park. However, there are many places to stay in nearby communities. Please contact area chambers of commerce for information.

I would recommend staying in 29 Palms or just outside of the park towards the town of Joshua Tree. You will find lots of accommodations in both of those areas including hotels and AirBnB.

Camping:

Camping is very popular in Joshua Tree and campgrounds sell out quickly. Learn more about the nine campgrounds in Joshua Tree. There are also a number of options for camping outside of the park. Restaurants, Grocery Stores, & Picnic Areas:

There are no restaurants or grocery stores inside Joshua Tree National Park, but nearby communities provide these services. Check with area chambers of commerce for more information.

Joshua Tree has eight picnic areas: Cottonwood, Indian Cove, Live Oak, Split Rock, Cap Rock, Hidden Valley, Quail Springs, and Black Rock. Their locations are shown on the map here at the bottom of the page.

Remember: help us keep wildlife wild. Never feed wild animals. Store food in hard-sided containers or in your vehicle. Carefully clean up all trash and leftovers, even small crumbs.

Things to Bring

It’s always good to know what equipment you need. If you have any questions about the necessities I’m here to help, but here is a list of essentials and recommendations for the trip:

Equipment:

DSLR / Mirrorless camera and lenses

DSLR or Mirrorless camera is an essential tool to get the most out of the workshop and your photos

Wide Angle Lens - 12-24mm (Faster lenses are better for night photography, but not essential)

Mid to Long Range Zoom - 24-70, 70-200, 100-400 are great ranges to capture intimate scenes

Tripod (Sturdy as the Fall months can have very strong winds)

All filters you might have, a Circular Polarizer is a great tool

Remote / cable camera shutter

Needed for tack sharp images and long exposures

Several memory cards

You never want to run out of space for pictures. Bring several or empty at the end of the day

Spare camera batteries

Another thing you never want to run out of in the field. Bring several fully charged with you and charge over night

Head torch (for any night or low light walking and shooting)

Raincover for camera and camera bag cold come in handy in some rare cases of rain or high wind!

Small Camping Chair or Stool for comfort

Clothing Items:

Many layers -It should be quite mild to warm for our trip, bt May can still hold a few cold nights. Plan for warm days and mild nights

Gloves, Warm Hat, warm socks (If there’s a cold spell)

Sunglasses, Large Brim hat, and Sunscreen are recommended for the daytime

Hiking Shoes\Boots are recommended

FOOD:

Food, Water, and all other essentials. No Food or water will be provided before, during or after workshop; unless otherwise stated in the itinerary.

Plan ahead and have plenty of water available as it is very dry and can warm quickly on clear days.

Physical Requirements

Some hiking will be required, but the hikes will be around 1-2 miles at most. Most of the hiking is very flat and moderate in difficulty at best. Typically shooting is done within a mile of the car and most hiking should be generally light in elevation change. We’ll be sure to move at a fair pace and no student will be left behind.

Please make me aware of any concerns you might have about your physical abilities.

What is Included and Not Included

INCLUDED:

• Tuition • Expert instruction in the field with Chris Ewen Crosby • Video Introduction and Presentation Prior to Workshop • Guidance to key compositional attributes throughout the park

NOT INCLUDED:

• Flights and transportation • Lodging • Meals • Park entrance fees • Travel and cancellation insurance

Payment, Fees and Terms

COST:  The cost of the workshop is $950 and includes everything listed in the “What’s Included” Section 

PAYMENT:  A non-refundable deposit of $250 is required to reserve a space on this workshop. The final balance of $950 is due and payable 60 days before the workshop begins. Full payment is due at that time or thereafter, and there will be no refunds on the full amount owed if you cancel after final payment. However, if another client happens to fill your space, you will receive a full refund, minus your non-refundable deposit. Payment(s) can be made using the Add To Cart button of this web page using a credit card via Paypal and Stripe. If you would like to pay by another method, use the contact form on this page to ask Chris about options for sending a personal check or bank transfer. 

COVID-19 ADVISORY:

In accordance with state and local public health organizations, Chris Ewen Crosby Photography & Samy's Photo School are following all COVID-19 related protocols. All participants will be asked to maintain social distancing protocols of 6 feet from anyone not in their household. Face coverings are mandatory for all. The class size for this event has been limited to only 5 students to further minimize the risks associated with COVID-19. Please do not attend this class if you are experiencing any symptoms related to COVID-19 including fever of 100.4 or higher, cough, shortness of breath, loss of sense of taste/smell, fatigue, diarrhea, muscle aches and headache.

Participants will be required to sign a COVID-19 addendum and assumption of risk form

CANCELLATIONS:�� Cancellations require me to re-open enrollment and/or to engage in additional promotional efforts to fill the workshop on a short notice, therefore, my policy is that there will be no refunds of the deposit. The balance (minus the non-refundable deposit) is refundable up to the 60-day deadline. Thereafter, the balance is also non-refundable, with one exception: if we find participants to fill all canceled spaces and the workshop is ultimately full when it begins, then you will receive a refund of the balance within two weeks of the workshop’s conclusion. The deposit remains non-refundable. All refunds are subject to a 6% processing fee. I highly recommend that you obtain travel/cancellation insurance for all workshops to protect yourself against unusual circumstances.

PARK FEES: All attendees of the workshop are required to pay the National Park Entrance fees upon entry to the park and are not included in Workshop Fee. Further instruction will be provided to students prior to their visit.

Joshua Tree Entrance Fee - per vehicle - $30.00

This permit allows all persons traveling with the permit holder in one single private, non-commercial vehicle (car/truck/van) to leave and re-enter the park as many times as they wish during the 7-day period from the date of purchase.

Joshua Tree Entrance Fee - per motorcycle - $25.00

This permit allows persons traveling on one motorcycle to leave and re-enter the park as many times as they wish during the 7-day period from the date of purchase.

Joshua Tree Entrance Fee - per individual - $15.00

This permit allows a single individual traveling on foot or individuals traveling on one bicycle to leave and re-enter the park as many times as they wish during the 7-day period from the date of purchase.

Joshua Tree Annual Pass - $55.00

Annual pass providing free entrance to Joshua Tree for 12 months from the date of purchase

Curriculum

Curriculum will be catered to each individual’s skill level and may vary from student to student. Below you’ll find some common topics based upon different skill levels.

BEGINNER-INTERMEDIATE

I am a big believer in fundamentals in the development of any skill, photography is no different. I start all my workshops by ensuring that we have a good foundation to build on. Below you’ll find some sample topics:

Shooting in Manual Mode

Understand The Exposure Triangle and how each affects the image (aperture, ISO, shutter speed)

How to Meter and Expose for best results

Using light for better captures

Compositions made simple and easy

Understanding and using camera settings and menu options

ND’s, Polarizer and Grads - Which to use and when to use it

Tips and Tricks for easier workflows and shooting experience in the field

Photographing the night sky - Exposure, Focusing, Compositions

INTERMEDIATE - ADVANCED

Those who have a greater understanding of their cameras will get some more advanced shooting techniques to focus on light, location and making good decisions to make the most of the variables. Some advanced topics are listed below:

Exposure bracketing and blending

Focus stacking for depth of field and sharpness

Creative blending to bring the vision to life

Composing for interest, depth and focus

Time Blends for Night Sky

Conclusions and Expectations

SUMMARY

Your satisfaction, enjoyment and educational experience is important to me.  The goal of this workshop is to allow you to further understand your camera, composition and artistic expression while using the amazing landscapes of Joshua Tree National Park. I want to ensure that everyone comes away with great instruction as well as a great experience in nature. Most importantly, we are going to have fun! Having fun is a critical part of any good photography adventure. When you have fun, your mind is free to expand and learn.

POST PROCESSING

Post Processing is not included with this workshop. You can purchase an additional 3 hours of post processing instruction with this workshop that will be completed following the workshop. Editing is done via group video session in the following weeks from the workshop. It is recorded and available for download shortly after the session is complete. Instruction is given in both Adobe Lightroom and Photoshop. Topics of post processing will vary upon your skill level. Common topics below:

Lightroom and Photoshop Workflows

Maximizing your RAW captures

Keys to clean editing

Stacking for depth of field and noise

Use of Luminosity Masks

Blending methods

Finishing an Image

and much more...

Learn More About Chris

Chris is a photographer and educator based in Long Beach, CA. It is a desire to teach, love for the outdoors, and photography which resulted in his role as a landscape photographer and educator. When not sharing his photography knowledge he can be found exploring nature’s beauty in his endless search for perfect light and discovery.

Learn More About Chris’s Workshops

Chris’s workshops cover a wide-range of photographic instruction and all its aspects, but also put an emphasis on having fun to enable creativity to thrive. Chris puts the emphasis your development as a photographer, incorporating infield fundamentals and cutting edge techniques to help you find your vision and bring it to life in post-processing. Whether you are just beginning or a blooming professional, Chris will help you to create meaningful and inspiring photographs while leading you down a path towards finding your own creativity.

[deepestdarkestsickestpartsofu]

Introduction

We met in spring of 2017. He changed my life forever, in a way that I will never be able to explain. What I would want you to understand before reading this, is how much love has taken charge of my feelings and impulses. 

I loved him, I love him. 

Nothing he did will ever change that.

At this point I bet you may be wondering who I am. Right... I guess I should introduce myself. My name is Nadir, a 25 year old man that is attracted to other men, but that’s not the most significant part in the story. I grew up in a quiet conservative town in Michigan, with a small population of less than 5,000 people. My mother is pretty old schooled and forced me to stay in school until I graduated. That meant no ‘girlfriends’, no sleepovers, no working. I always had the desire to help her monetarily by getting a job and at least pay the house bills. However she would constantly say to me to just focus on my studies and that would be what would help us in the long run.

My parents are originally from Israel. My mother grew up as Catholic, which was not the usual back then and my father grew up Jewish. They became less religious when they decided to move to the United States, which is where they had my siblings and I. They both lived here as immigrants and I didn’t understand what that meant when I was a child, I just thought we were like any other family living in the US. My father unfortunately passed away from a heart attack when I was 8 years old and it affected me in ways you couldn’t possibly imagine. During his wake, I didn’t cry. It was all so surreal and I felt like he would wake up randomly and claim that everything was a joke. He had a great sense of humor and always managed to make people smile, however his death wasn’t a joke. Once it was time to bury him, I cried as hard as I could since I knew I wouldn’t see him ever again. After that, my mother worked as hard as she could to give my siblings and I what we needed. She could barely afford to pay for the mortgage on the house until my older brothers started working and helping her out with as much as they could. My mother worked two jobs daily to make sure we had food on our table, clothes and a good education. 

It would hurt me to see her stress about providing for us, so eventually I managed to get a scholarship at San Francisco State University. Being the youngest of 4 children gave me a bit of an advantage to enjoy ‘the beauty of freedom’ as we know it now, and not have to struggle about being gay in the 70′s, not that it’s any different now. I mean there are hate crimes all over, shootings that keep getting more common by the minute and discrimination which is still pretty big now. That is one of the reasons why I decided not to come out to my mother, nor anyone in town for that matter. I was already struggling with self-acceptance and I didn’t want to be a burden to my mother. During my senior year of High School I managed to convince my mother to let me work to save up for essential stuff. I began working at a pharmacy and little by little saved up enough money to leave town and follow my dreams in a career I wanted. I wasn’t certain of what my major would be, however it needed to be in the art field. Whether it would be acting, directing, drawing or video editing. I decided to go with the flow and see what would appeal my interest. I wanted to be able to afford a place in ‘The City’, so working at that little pharmacy helped me save up & I also had a job secured so I would be able to help my mother with her expenses from afar. 

It took me a few months but right before spring classes started, I booked the first plane to San Francisco without looking back. My siblings showed up with my mother to the airport. Elijah, the oldest, was a bit of a role model growing up. He got married at 22, had 2 children and joined the police force. Amir, the second to oldest, was always a jokester which he definitely got from my father,  and had a bit of a ‘bad boy’ complex, which is quite the opposite of Elijah. He never got married, which my mother never agreed with, however he did have 3 kids, all with different women. Last but not least, my sister Hadassah, she was only 3 years older than me and I guess you could say we were the closest. Both of us would take care of my mom as much as possible and help her around the house as much as it was possible. She decided to stay in a community college to be closer to my mother and to help her financially as much as she possibly could. I hugged everyone goodbye, but when I got to my mother I couldn’t hold it in much longer. Tears started pouring down my face as I hugged her, but managed to remind her that this wasn’t a goodbye, but a ‘see you later’. I wish I could’ve come out to her, but I was afraid it would devastate her and we might lose the relationship we had built. As cliche as it sounds, she is my best friend, the person I trust the most in this world. I was considering staying as I hugged her. She pulled away and put our foreheads together. 

“You’ll be fine... You’ve got this! And remember einayim sheli, you’re stronger than you think! I’ll be supporting you from afar! Nothing you could do would ever disappoint me”.

“I love you mom. Don’t worry, I’ll send money your way and I’ll be back during the holidays!”

“You better, my dear! Now go, don’t want you to miss your flight”, she said as she hugged me once again.

Her words gave me enough courage to pick up my stuff and board the plane. I turned back once more before heading to the ramp and saw my siblings & her waving at me. Hadassah was hugging my mother and even though she was trying to stay as strong as possible, I saw tears rolling down her face. She noticed that I saw them and immediately wiped them off with a smile. I always admired how strong of a woman she is. She truly is a role model and someone I look up to as to how to live my life. However, I’ve never been as strong so I couldn’t hold back and started crying as I boarded the plane. 

The flight felt eternal and having anxiety didn’t help at all. I quit medication a few months before leaving since I didn’t think I would need it… Boy, was I wrong. I managed to calm myself down by working on some sketches I’ve been doing on my drawing paper pad. Next thing I knew, I was arriving in San Francisco, California; Population: 883,305, well... I guess now it’s 883,306 residents. I wasn’t necessarily going into San Francisco completely helpless, I was moving in with my best friend. I met Marcia in elementary school. Her father Sebastiao works for the government, and that’s as much as I know about him. That and the fact that he had to move to San Francisco due to a “really good job opportunity”.  Her father is originally from Brazil & his wife, Mayra is Mexican-American. Marcia grew up and learned all three languages, English, Spanish & Portuguese so she was able to fit in easier in “The Bay Area” when they left our little town. We would spend hours on the phone after she moved and she would tell me about San Francisco and how she thought I’d love it. She was honestly afraid to be one of those kids whose parents have to move regularly because of their jobs, but lucky for her, she didn’t have to do that. She set up a high bar for me arriving in San Fran and when I did... Well, let’s just say she didn’t disappoint. Her dad bought her an apartment and she was willing to share it with me at no cost, but I already had plans of helping her out with utilities & give her some extra cash to thank her for sharing her apartment with me. She shared her apartment with two puppies, Chuy & Elena, two small pomeranians whom she considered her children since she wasn’t planning on having any kids. When I told her I had gotten a scholarship to SF State, she immediately suggested I should move in with her. I wasn’t too sure of that idea, but it honestly was the best option I had so far.

I finally get my luggage and sit in the lobby to wait for her. I look around and see a lot of people meeting up with their loved one, whether it is their lover, or family. “You just left your family back there. You won’t even make it here nor achieve anything you had your mind set to. This is truly a bad idea. Why are you even doing here? You’re an idiot for leaving! All for some stupid experiment you want to try? Bullshit!”. I close my eyes and take another deep breath. I then feel my phone vibrate with the following text message:

“I see you!”

I looked up and saw her smile. She hadn’t grown much, stood about 5′6, black, curly shoulder-length hair, light skinned, with dorky glasses. People always claimed she was a weirdo, but who am I to judge? I was a bit taller than her, stood about 6′1, a bit of scruff on my face, brown semi clean-cut hair. I was always the weird kid at school, so we managed to click from the very beginning. She was the first person to talk to me in elementary school, and that meant the world to me. I was always a bit of an introvert, however she helped me come out of my shell little by little and when she left, I fell back into it. 

“Marcia! Babe! I’m so happy to see you!”

I ran to her and hugged her. It felt like yesterday that I had said goodbye to her at the airport. 

“Honeeeeey! Ugh, I’m soooo glad to see you! You smell soooo good! Don’t tell me you’re still into buying or should I say, collecting colognes?”

“Guilty!”

“Well then, you just might like what I have for you at home! Let me help you with your bags! I can’t wait for you to FINALLY meet Chuy & Elena! They’re going to LOVE you! My tia is still pretty mad that I named Elena after her, but she should take it as a compliment! It just means I love her! I mean, dogs are your most loyal companions... Not that she was ever loyal to my uncle, but still! I’m telling you, my little Elena is NOTHING like her!” 

I looked at her in disbelief. She still had that smile and a gleam in her eye. She had always had that hopeful gleam in her eye... Something I had lost a long time ago. 

I hated it.

“I’ll kill if I have to, but I’ll regain that hope again, just wait”

[freespiritdani]

Okay, @freespiritdani, I wanna see how brave you are... The ASK ME STUFF list. All of them except the first one and the last one. Love ya lots, Mom.

Braver than you think, dear daughter! 

You should know be better than that, you’ve known me all your life....

Here goes:

2: Age -39

3: 3 Fears - flying, heights, snakes

4: 3 things I love - motorcycles, horses, being and living in the country

5: 4 turns on - intelligence, smile, heart, laughter

6: 4 turns off - body hair not on the scalp, bad hygiene, the male of the species, arrogance

7: My best friend - @cherokeesapphicangel 

8: Sexual orientation - lesbian and proud of it

9: My best first date - November 7, 2005, with the woman who would eventually become my world and my wife

10: How tall am I - 5′4″

11: What do I miss - things I’m no longer allowed to do post-heart attack

12: What time were I born - 6:12 AM

13: Favourite color - bright red

14: Do I have a crush - does my wife count?

15: Favourite quote - “Love is too beautiful to be hidden in a closet.”

16: Favourite place - at home, on the sofa, curled up next to my precious Angel

17: Favourite food - sushi

18: Do I use sarcasm - Now whatever gave you that idea? (in other words, yes)

19: What am I listening to right now - my precious Angel’s heartbeat

20: First thing I notice in new person - body language

21: Shoe size - 7

22: Eye color - chocolate brown

23: Hair color - black, no dyes.

24: Favourite style of clothing - “provocative”

25: Ever done a prank call? - yes

(where, perchance, is #26? LOL)S

27: Meaning behind my URL - I’m a free spirit.

28: Favourite movie - Hoodwinked!

29: Favourite song - “Niki Nana (We Are One)”, Yanni

30: Favourite band - don’t really have one

31: How I feel right now - very happy and content

32: Someone I love - my precious Angel (my wife)

33: My current relationship status - happily married

34: My relationship with my parents - they’re deceased (Mom in 2001, Dad in 2019)

35: Favourite holiday - Halloween

36: Tattoos and piercing i have - yes, classified (intimate)

37: Tattoos and piercing i want - Also classified (same reason)

38: The reason I joined Tumblr - Choices fandom

39: Do I and my last ex hate each other? - you could say that....

40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? - from my daughters

41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? - How the hell do I know? I have no clue who you last texted!

42: When did I last hold hands? - right now

43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? - anywhere from 2 minutes to an hour

44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days? - uh, yeah!

45: Where am I right now? - lying in bed with my wife, all cuddled up

46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me? - the mortician

47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? - yes

48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad? - I’m alive and they’re not, so I’m going with “no”

49: Am I excited for anything? - Yes

50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? - Yes. My brother.

51: How often do I wear a fake smile? Whenever I meet an asshole that’s going out of his/her way to be annoying

52: When was the last time I hugged someone? - a few minutes ago.

53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me? - Not gonna happen

54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not? - yes

55: What is something I disliked about today? - went by too quickly

56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? Oh dear god, that list is too long to whittle it down to just one LOL

57: What do I think about most? - a toss up between cooking for my wife and sex with my wife

58: What’s my strangest talent? - strange to whom?

59: Do I have any strange phobias? - I repeat, strange to whom?

60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? - Behind, if a camera must be involved at all.

61: What was the last lie I told? - that I had totally given up drinking about 8 months before I really did

62: Do I perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online? - neither

63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? Yes and Yes

64: Do I believe in magic? - Yes

65: Do I believe in luck? - Yes

66: What’s the weather like right now? - cold

67: What was the last book I’ve read? - Cover to cover? The Rite by Jennifer Bene

68: Do I like the smell of gasoline? No

69: Do I have any nicknames? - Yes, many, most of them not polite.

70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had? - Numerous in a car accident in 2018, most serious of which was a punctured lung

71: Do I spend money or save it? Spend. That’s why Angel is in charge of the money LOL

72: Can I touch my nose with a tounge? Whose tongue? With my own tongue, no.

73: Is there anything pink in 10 feets from me? *devilish grin* Yes there is....

74: Favourite animal? - Eagle

75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM? - cumming

76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is? - Artrip

77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? - “Show Me How You Burlesque”, Christina Aguilera

78: How can you win my heart? - (my wife already did LOL), show me you care about me.

79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone? - “Here lies a girl whose only crutch/Was loving one woman just a little too much”

80: What is my favorite word? - kitten

81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr - not without their permission

82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? - “If your religion causes you to be a bigot, something is wrong with your religion”

83: Do I have any relatives in jail? - No

84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? - healing

85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? - If something happened to your wife and she died, how well would you take it?”

86: What is my current desktop picture? - See picture above question 2

87: Had sex? - Yes, as often as possible

88: Bought condoms? - no

89: Gotten pregnant? -Yes

90: Failed a class?- No

91: Kissed a boy? - Yes, unfortunately. 

92: Kissed a girl? - Yes, and I liked it

93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? - Yes

94: Had job? - Still have job

95: Left the house without my wallet? - Yes

96: Bullied someone on the internet? - Not that I’m aware of

97: Had sex in public? - Yes, more than once

98: Played on a sports team? - Yes

99: Smoked weed? - Yes

100: Did drugs? - Yes

101: Smoked cigarettes? - Yes

102: Drank alcohol? - Yes

103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan? - HELL no

104: Been overweight? No

105: Been underweight? No

106: Been to a wedding? Yes

107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? Yes

108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight? Yes

109: Been outside my home country? Yes

110: Gotten my heart broken? Yes

111: Been to a professional sports game? Yes

112: Broken a bone? Yes

113: Cut myself? Intentionally, no. Accidentally, yes

114: Been to prom? Yes

115: Been in airplane? Yes, once, when I was 8 years old. Had to be sedated because I panicked big time

116: Fly by helicopter? If being life flighted from an accident scene to the nearest hospital counts, then yes.

117: What concerts have I been to? Yanni, Christina Aguilera, Melissa Etheridge

118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex? DUH, I’m lesbian! My crushes by definition are Lesbian

119: Learned another language? Yes

120: Wore make up? Yes

121: Lost my virginity before I was 18? Yes

122: Had oral sex? Yes

123: Dyed my hair? No

124: Voted in a presidential election? Yes

125: Rode in an ambulance? Yes

126: Had a surgery? Yes

127: Met someone famous? Yes

128: Stalked someone on a social network? No

129: Peed outside? Yes

130: Been fishing? Yes

131: Helped with charity? Yes

132: Been rejected by a crush? Yes

133: Broken a mirror? Yes

134: What do I want for birthday? To be with family, especially my wife

135: How many kids do I want and what will be their names? Already have them, Marti and Staci

136: Was I named after anyone? First name, no. Middle name, my maternal grandmother

137: Do I like my handwriting? no

138: What was my favourite toy as a child? my teddy bear

139: Favourite Tv Show? Mythbusters (off the air now)

140: Where do I want to live when older? Where I live now

141: Play any musical instrument? Piano, violin, harp, didgeridoo

142: One of my scars, how did I get it? Heart surgery

143: Favourite pizza toping? Pineapple (sue me)

144: Am I afraid of the dark? No

145: Am I afraid of heights? Deathly afraid

146: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad? Yes to both

147: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end? Yes

148: What I’m really bad at - Taking credit for anything

149: What my greatest achievments are - raising 2 amazing daughters

150: The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me - “The only thing you’ll ever amount to is being a pretty cum dumpster”

151: What I’d do if I won in a lottery - retire

152: What do I like about myself - my body

153: My closest Tumblr friend - my sister

154: Something I fantasise about - not being so short

[carleencl]

Carleen Goes to Taiwan: Day 1 (Taichung)

Taiwan – the first country to explore this 2019! It is the country known for tourist spots’ such as the 91-floor Taipei 101, different memorial halls and parks, shopping districts, night markets, and more. It is also the origin of everyone’s favorite drink - Milk Tea!

My travel experience in Taiwan will be divided per day with our itinerary and expenses. At the end of each post will be my vlog. My blog and vlog will go hand in hand since some information and visuals will be on my blog but not on my vlog and vice versa. So I recommend for you to read my blog and watch my vlog to know my adventures in Taiwan.

Our flight to Taipei, Taiwan was last May 22, 2019 via Cebu Pacific and was originally scheduled at 10:35pm. It was delayed by an hour and we boarded at around 11:30pm. We arrived at Taipei at around 01:30 in the morning.

After landing, we went to the immigration, grab our luggage and claimed our sim card. We bought our sim card via Klook which costs PHP 377 each. (Tip: Double check if the claiming counters are open 24 hours especially if you have an early morning flight. Some options in Klook have counters open from 7am – 11pm only).

Since we arrived in early morning, we rode a taxi going to our hotel in Ximen named, Diary of Ximen Hotel. The taxi fare was NT$ 1,100 (PHP 1,870) good for 4 people with 4 luggage. It was an hour travel time from Taoyuan International Airport to our hotel and we arrived at around 03:30am.

Diary of Ximen Hotel is situated near Exit 6 of MRT Ximen Station which was a very good location. Also, the hotel is located in a building with other hotels too. We really did like the hotel since it was very near the Ximending night market, staff were very accommodation and nice, and bottled waters were given daily. There was also free flowing juice, tea, and coffee on the hotel’s reception. We booked our hotel via Agoda and no breakfast was included. If you would like to avail their breakfast buffet, it will be NT$ 100 (PHP 170) per person.

DAY 1 MAY 23, 2019

First day in Taiwan and we were greeted by the drizzling rain.

1st day’s itinerary was to go to the province of Taichung, Taiwan. We went there by riding the MRT first from Ximen Station to Taipei Main Station then transferred from MRT Taipei Main Station to HSR Taichung Station.

We preferred to ride their High Speed Rail (HSR) since it will only take 45 minutes to 1 hour from Taipei to Taichung. Other cheaper options were the bus  with 3-4 hours travel time, and the Taiwan Railways Administration (TRA) with 1-2 hours travel time. However, during that time, Klook has a promo of Buy One, Get One for HSR going from Taipei to other locations that costs PHP 945 (PHP 472.50/each). For our way back, we also chose the HSR but got the original price of PHP 886 each via Klook also.

Riding the HSR was actually comfortable. There were toilets, and vending machines in the train. WiFi was also available and each seat has a fold able tables similar to airplanes.

Upon arriving at HSR Taichung Station, we decided to grab a taxi going to Rainbow Village. Our taxi driver was very nice and friendly and suggested if we would want to avail his service to drive us around Taichung for NT$ 3500 (PHP 5,950) for 8 hours. At first we were hesitant but we compared prices in Uber and it was indeed cheaper to avail his service. We compared and saw that one way going to Rainbow Village is almost NT$900, which we computed with the other destination we would be paying either the same price or higher.

RAINBOW VILLAGE

Seeing Rainbow Village was literally colorful like the rainbow. There was no charge upon entering the site.

Rainbow Village is located at 408, Nantun District, Taichung City, Taiwan is open daily from 8am - 6pm.

The village was originally for demolition however, Rainbow Grandpa painted the houses and saved it from being demolished. The village was originally the place soldiers stayed at before. Neighboring houses were sold but Rainbow Grandpa remained.

At the end of the village is a room about its history and some information about Rainbow Grandpa.

I actually felt happy being in Rainbow Village. The colorful artworks brings so much joy.

ZHONGSHE FLOWER MARKET

Zhongshe Flower Market was next on our itinerary. This is widely popular because of the beautiful flowers you will be surrounded at.

It is located at No. 333, Section 5, Sanfeng Road, Houli District, Taichung City, Taiwan.

The Flower Market is open daily from 8am to 6pm and there is an entrance fee of NT$120 (PHP 204) for adults and NT$60 (PHP 102) for children.

Even though it as muddy during that day, we actually enjoyed having photos with the lovely flowers. Below were the photos from the flower market:

LUNCH AT WEST DISTRICT

We asked our driver to bring us to Chun Shui Tang since it is a well known milk tea place in Taichung. We were dropped at the West District if I’m not mistaken.

Before trying the milk tea, we looked for a place first where we could have lunch.

We saw a small restaurant and tried it. Name of the restaurant is in Chinese and that explains why I didn’t include the name here. 😅

The staff only speaks Chinese thus, we had a little difficulty ordering. However, there was a very nice customer of theirs that knows how to speak English. I think she noticed we had trouble ordering and helped us. The customer was the one translating, for us to order. We didn’t got her name, but to the lady who was in this restaurant last May 23, 2019 around 1-2pm, thank you for helping for us! 🤗

It was passed lunch time and the only choices they have were Chicken Curry Rice and Pork Noodle Soup. I’m not a fan of curry, so I ordered their Pork Noodle Soup which costs NT$ 100 (PHP 170).

CHUN SHUI TANG

Our first milk tea in Taiwan!

Serving was so large that one glass is good for 1-2 people. The glass is bigger than my hand and same size as my face! 😂

Both the original pearl milk tea and oreo milk tea tastes good! However, when the milk tea is compared here in Manila, our is way way sweeter even at 50% sugar. It seems that milk tea from Taiwan is not that sweet.

A medium Pearl Milk Tea costs NT$130 (PHP 221), and medium Oreo Milk Tea costs NT$ 120 (PHP 204).

FENGJIA NIGHT MARKET

I wasn’t able to have photo from the night  market in Taichung. However, I had some videos of it on my vlog. 😊

Fengjia Night Market is similar with Ximending Night Market. Both has shops for clothes and skin care. They also have street foods left and right.

I was able to try the Fried Chicken from Angel’s that costs NT$ 70 (PHP 119). I really do like the fried chicken since it was not dry and very tasty!

Afterwards, we actually went home already since our 8-hour trip with our driver is almost ending. We bought extra food before heading back to out hotel at Ximending Night Market

So that’s day 1 of our Taiwan trip. Next Taiwan posts, soon!

__________

To see more of what we saw in Taichung, you may watch my vlog below:

__________

Below was our itinerary and expenses. Hope this will help you to be able to plan your travels to Taiwan.

ITINERARY

DAY 1 Part 1: May 22-23, 2019 (Wed/Thurs) 07:00 pm - Meet-up at NAIA Terminal 3 10:35 pm - ETD from Manila 12:55 am - ETA to Taipei (Taoyuan International Airport, Terminal 1) 01:00 am - Immigration, Get Luggage & Sim Card 02:00 am - Go to the hotel 03:00 am - Check-in at Diary of Ximen Hotel

DAY 1 Part 2: May 23, 2019 (Thursday) 07:00 am - Wake-Up 08:00 am - BREAKFAST 09:00 am - Leave for Taichung 09:15 am - ETD:  MRT Ximen Station to Taipei Main Station 09:20 am - ETA:  MRT Taipei Main Station 09:30 am - Taipei to Taichung via High Speed Rail 10:30 am - Arrival Taichung Station 10:45 am - To Rainbow Village 11:15 pm - ETA:  Rainbow Village (Caihongjuan Village) 12:15 pm - Leave for Zhongshe Flower Market 12:30 pm - Zhongshe Flower Market 02:00 pm - LUNCH 04:00 pm - Fengjia Night Market 06:00 pm - Go back to Taipei Main Station 07:30 pm - Ximending Night Market 08:30 pm - Back to hotel

EXPENSES

SIM Card (Klook) - PHP 377 Taxi (Airport to Hotel) - NT$1, 100 (PHP 1, 870; PHP467.50/ea) Breakfast at 7/11

Chicken Teriyaki Rice Meal - NT$89 (PHP 151.30)

HSR Taipei to Taichung (Klook) - PHP 945 (Buy one get one; PHP 472.50/ea) HSR Taichung to Taipei (Klook) - PHP 886/ea Taxi in Taichung (8 hours) - NT$3, 500 (PHP 5, 950; PHP1, 487.50/ea) Rainbow Village: Free Flower Market: - NT$120 (PHP 204) LUNCH

Pork Noodle Soup - NT$100 (PHP 170)

Milk Tea at Chun Shui Tang (PHP106.25/ea)

Original Pearl Milk Tea (Medium) - NT$130 (PHP221)

Oreo Milk Tea (Medium) - NT$120 (PHP204)

Fengjia Night Market: Chicken - NT$70 (PHP119) Ximending Night Market

Fried Chicken - NT$120 (PHP204; PHP51/ea)

Family Mart (Bulgogi) - NT$65 (PHP 110.50)

Family Mart (Milk tea) - NT$28 (PHP47.60)

Total: PHP4, 650.15

*Items from Klook were paid in advanced

*Conversion of NT$ to PHP are rounded and used NT$ 1 = PHP 1.70

Other blog post related to Taiwan below: 🔗 TAIWAN DAY 2 BLOG POST

[beardyallen]

Day 3 - An extensive recap

First, I want to extend my apologies to those who have been patiently awaiting this post. I had every intention of writing this yesterday, which got away from me (as you’ll see if you keep reading), and then I had every intention of writing this in the morning, which disappeared (again, as you’ll see if you keep reading). It’s now 5:38pm on Wednesday, February 20th as I’m typing this sentence, and I’m once again exhausted from a long day.

[Edit 2: TL;DR for the following TL;DR -- A bunch of cool stuff happened, including books, dragons, lions, motorcycles, KFC, banks, SIM cards, a Starbucks, public transit, and traveling to two opposite ends of Beijing in a single day. Also my trip went from horribly lonely and daunting to pretty freaking cool and slightly less daunting in less than 24 hours. Done typing this at 8:55pm]

Edit: It’s legit 8:37pm when I’m making this edit, only a bit after posting the original. I wanted to add a tl;dr for those not interesting in reading all of this shit. Basically, I made 4 friends in Beijing, none of them from the same country, only one of them is white, only one is male, and only one is from the US. All three of these descriptions describe CB, my supervisor. His wife, RB, is Indian and works with children orphaned due to birth defects. There’s ML, a half-Brazilian, half-Japanese Communications instructor at ICB, and her friend R, who is herself a former Chinese physician turned public health professional/liaison/something-or-other that seems far more impressive and is exactly what she wants to be. All of them are really cool, interesting people that I’m very glad I had the opportunity to meet. In no particular order, I went to several bookstores, a Starbucks, a KFC early in the morning, the supermarket (twice) and got beer (both times) for ridiculously low prices, experienced the Lantern Festival (still not entirely sure what this is, but there were dragons and lions and motorcycles doing crazy synchronized stunts in a metal globe) at an amusement park, rode 5-6 different subway trains and a city bus, ate 10+ new foods, bought a book (because of course I did) which has both the original English and the translate Chinese characters on each page, tried to open a bank account, then got a SIM card, then actually opened a bank account, finally unpacked my luggage, and spent 3 hours typing this blog post. Also the long flight and trip from the airport to my new apartment were mostly uneventful. See? Even this was super long!]

The last you all heard from me here was as I was sitting in a bar in the Vancouver Airport, Sunday morning. Which was sort of 2 days ago, but sort of 3. Time zones are funky, especially when you cross the International Date Line. *shrug*

After I finished writing that post, I lumbered over to my gate and waited to board with the other couple hundred passengers. At one point, I noticed an older woman (probably in her 60′s or 70′s?) trucking along on one of those things that I can only manage to call a human-conveyor-belt that you see in airports. I mention this as she, had she been on carpeted flooring, she would have been making good time; as it so happens, she was on the conveyor belt that was going opposite of her destination. She was still making progress, but every so slowly, and seemed maddeningly oblivious to the fact that the floor was fighting her at every step. Fortunately, she made it to the other end without incident, although the same cannot be said for when she attempted to enter the next belt; a concerned employee using that particular belt in the intended fashion beckoned that she stop and try the other. So she stopped walking. And didn’t do anything, even when her feet made it back to where she had started. Naturally, she took a pretty solid tumble, lessened only by the shocked, and rightfully flustered, employee, who managed to help her to her feet as half of the onlookers gawked.

The actual flight, all 9 hours of it, went off rather uneventfully. Especially compared to the above story. It was nice having the longer flight second, as completing the first gave me an unearned sense of accomplishment; I’m nervous for my return as I’ll have actually achieved something when I get back to Vancouver, only to have to sit back down for three more hours. Seems less enticing, especially as I won’t be going back to an apartment that I’m renting. Oh well: that’s a problem for Future-Me, as are most things. I will say that the food on the flight was quite satisfying, and the complementary wine was much tastier than expected! And I managed to read a good chunk of Dan Brown’s Origin.

After landing in the Beijing airport, I managed to get through customs without too much trouble and had my first several experiences of what I’ll just refer to here as stranger-staring. #sarcasticwoo

I was met near baggage claim by an undergraduate at the University who chose to call himself Paul. I would later find out that, although it is common practice for Chinese residents to give themselves “American” or “Western” names, they don’t seem to share those names with their fellow residents.

Needless to say, I was exhausted and just wanted to eat something and lie down without dealing with anymore people. To his credit, Paul was an excellent host, his English was quite good, and he helped me to my apartment without incident. I think he was expecting to escort me to dinner at one of the nearby dining halls on campus (Princess Building), but I (hopefully graciously) conveyed that I would really rather just go to bed. After he left, I took a stroll on campus to the Princess Building to check it out for myself, and then stopped at a nearby convenience store to grab some snacks. GUYS! THEY HAVE CUCUMBER-FLAVORED LAYS POTATO CHIPS!!! And so many other flavors that are mind-boggling, and somehow simultaneously vague and specific.

Once I was back in my apartment, I chowed down on some fruit bread, drank some water, had a moment of near paralyzing fear/anxiety/regret/shame/etc., scolded myself for being (I think understandably) pathetic, and then went to sleep. By that point, I had been up for nearly 23 hours, and it was somehow already 7pm on Monday, Feb. 18. I slept until 6am the next morning.

That morning, I got in touch with CB, my supervisor, who was more than happy to meet with me around 11am. So I spent the morning figuring out how to be an adult person in Beijing. Several standard things took place that were daunting only because I’m in Beijing: showering, brushing my teeth, grabbing some toilet paper to carry with me, deciding how much cash to keep in my wallet, etc. I also came to the disturbing realization that there are precisely three outlets, each with one port. One of them was occupied by the television, one by the mini-fridge, and one was free to charge my tablet; it was then that I decided to try to go shopping and track down a power strip.

Day 2: Merry Mart

First, I want to say one quick thing: the exchange rate from RMB (also called yuan) to USD is approximately 0.15:1. So, as an example, I spotted a can of beer for 5.90 yuan, or roughly $0.90. For those of you who know me, you may understand why this was my first example.

Now, the supermarket that I was heading towards is located on the other side of the north gate of the CAU (China Agricultural University, which houses ICB, or the International College of Beijing, where I’m living and instructing), and my apartment is in the very southeast corner of campus, about a 10 minute walk away. And it’s not even 8am yet. I mention this as, when I approached the supermarket, or rather the building housing the supermarket and a dozen or so other shops, I noticed a KFC right next door. Now, I shouldn’t have been shocked to see the advertisements were for food that you would never find at a KFC in the States, but I was. What I feel completely justified in being shocked at was that the KFC was already quite busy. Naturally, I stepped inside and saw that a “Chicken Burger” with a glass of milk (and maybe a side?) was going for 12 yuan, or $1.80. So cheap!!

I stepped out without buying anything and continued into the supermarket. Oh, the wonders I beheld. I’ll try to keep it short, but I’ll point out that I’ve never paid so much attention in the produce and meat sections of a supermarket as I did yesterday. Once I made it past these sections, I experienced an onslaught of packing that looked both familiar and foreign (yes, I realized how stupid that sounds as I typed it). As I was on a bit of a mission (for hand soap and a couple power strips), I contained my curiosity as best I could. But I did take a peak at all of the flavors of Lays Chips in the snack section...

Fortunately, I managed to find a power strip! They had Philips power strips going for 70 yuan (~$10.50) and some from a company I’ve never heard of for 30/40 yuan. Naturally, I grabbed on of the cheaper variety. It seems I didn’t bring enough cash the first time. I moved on, failing to find anything that I could guarantee was hand soap, but let me tell you: after being around people who I could not understand, guessing at products based on the images along, and recognizing that I’m waaaaay in over my head, I have never been so happy to see a can of Budweiser in my life!

Now, I can’t be certain, but I’m pretty sure a 3-pack 16-oz or 500 mL or whatever-their-volume cans came out to 9 yuan, or $1.35. What a deal! (Fast forward to this morning, and I stumbled an even better find: 500 mL cans of Guiness with nitrous rockets for 15 yuan ($2.25) a pop! In the States, those usually run $16 for four!)

After spotting way more milk (a recent trend, apparently) than I’ve ever seen, ultra-pasteurized so it can sit on an uncooled shelf for months at a time, heaps and heaps of “sanitary tissue” and slew of snacks that boggled my poor, unworldly mind, I made my way to the checkout. Fortunately, I stick out so damn much that people just expect that I don’t speak Chinese; the look of mild irritation isn’t grating at all, it just lets me know that I’m not the only one who feels moderately uncomfortable at my residing in Beijing for these next 4 months. The interaction at the stand was pleasant enough, and we mimed our way through the bits that weren’t communicable. Then I headed back home to meet with CB.

Day 2: The Book

So, I’m already feeling wildly unprepared to teaching a senior-level mathematics course, but one of the few things that was keeping me grounded was that the book was to be selected by administrators at ICB/CAU, so that would save me having to make most of the decisions regarding content for my Probability class. Moreover, the university would provide the textbooks to the students. Little did I know, and little did CB know, and little did the person supposedly in charge of retrieving said textbooks from the library, no textbook was on file for this class. #sarcasticwoo

FORTUNATELY (can’t believe how many lucky breaks I’m catching!), there happened to be a textbook titled Probability and Statistics for Engineers and something-or-other. To be honest, my eyes glazed over at “Engineers,” not because they are lesser scientists, because they are most assuredly not, but because they just don’t appreciate the fine nuances of theoretical mathematics. That is to say, they’re lesser scientists. ;) #allinjest #imsuretheyvegotsickerburnsforme So, I guess I’m teaching from an Engineering textbook.

During this brief window of time with CB, I learned how various countries measure the breathability of the air, acquired a facemask, and snagged an air purifier. Things necessary to life in Beijing! I was then invited out to lunch with CB and his wife RB; I was unaware that their would be fourth, ML. Having never met RB, and being unaware that ML existed, I waited for the 20 minutes that CB needed to get a couple things ready before lunch in my room, then headed down to the entrance of the Guest House (where my apartment and office are located, in case I haven’t mentioned it by name yet). Waiting there was a 30-something Asian-descent woman who somehow didn’t look like she was a native Chinese resident. Best guess: RB. She smiles at me and asks if I’m here to have lunch with R, to which I say confirm and ask if that’s her. Turns out it’s ML, and a reference to a particular Disney movie popped into my head. (I bet you’re not thinking of the same one I was, though!) Anyway, it’s 12:30pm at that point, and I wouldn’t spend the next 11 hours with ML, a Communications instructor for ICB who has only been in Beijing since September, barely speaks any Chinese and gets by reading it as she knows Japanese. Turns out she was born in Brazil, though! That certainly explained why her features were not quite Chinese.

CB and RB showed up a few awkward, mostly silent, minutes later as, not anticipating a fourth left me just socially awkward enough to just keep my mouth shut and let my mind wander. RB led the way to a Chinese restaurant around the corner, and we had a ridiculously cheap meal. Everything was delicious, even the rice noodles and cabbage dish! CB asked how open I was to trying things I’ve never had before, and I responded that I’m hear to make the make the most of this opportunity. He followed up with, “So, you’ll try chicken feet?” I’ve never so quickly doubted my convictions before! Fortunately, the food we order was basic enough fare for a Chinese restaurant, so I didn’t have to prove my grit just yet.

Day 2: The Big Adventure

During the meal, ML mentioned that the “lantern festival” was that night, and that she’d be joining a friend of her’s somewhere in Beijing, TBD. CB mentioned off-handedly that there was a 4-story bookstore several kilometers away. My interest was piqued, but having no means of transportation, I kept my mouth shut. ML did not. She expressed serious interest in venturing out to the store, and I asked if it would be in imposition if I joined. After lunch, CB and RB gave us a rough pin location for the building, walked us over to a bus stop, explained to me how to use my transit card (Thanks, CG!!!), and saw us off on our adventure. At this point, it seems relevant to mention that, although I have two cell phones (my usual American one, and a Chinese phone bought secondhand from ES) (THANKS ES!!!), I don’t have internet access or any real means to contact CB or RB. I also don’t access to a map app (see: I don’t have internet access). As it turns out, ML’s access is hindered by the fact that her iPhone is apparently dated enough to not operate at full capacity with a Chinese SIM card. So she has spotty internet. SPOILERS: Her cell phone would die later that evening. #dundundun

The bus ride was uneventful, and we got off where we thought was should. Without the name of the bookstore or any solid evidence to suggest precisely where the bookstore was, ML then confides in me that she has frequently found herself incapable of finding her destination, wandered around for several hours, then given up and went home. My confidence was soaring. But, as they say, “When in Beijing...”

After finding a map of the surrounding area and comparing it to a screenshot of the rough-pin-location of the bookstore in question, I managed to match shapes cut out by walkways and roads and spot where we should be heading. The pin led us to a bookstore. But this bookstore had only one floor, although the building housing it had 20 floors and an elevator that looked out over the surrounding area. Needless to say, we rode the elevator for a moment before deciding to continue exploring. Stepping outside, we tried to reach CB...and we did! He gave us a more accurate pin and the name of the bookstore. Only one of those two things wound up being helpful.

On our way over to the new location (2 more blocks West), we stumbled on a developed “alley” that housed a wide plethora of shops, including....A BOOKSTORE!!! Dudes and Dudettes: let me tell you, this bookstore was amazing!! Check out the pictures below:

So cool! But this wasn’t where the pin was located, only had two floors, and when we scaled the spiral staircase, some 20-something employees started walking towards us and speaking in Mandarin. ML goes, “I’m sorry, we don’t speak any Mandarin, but we think we know what you’re trying to say. Have a nice day!” And we walked out of the store with our tails tucked loosely between our legs.

I was I could accurately convey all of the things I saw that struck me as fascinating while we explored this area of Beijing, but honestly there was just too much, and I can’t imagine you all are still reading this carefully, given that I’m not exactly giving the “Reader’s Digest” version of events. Or so you may think. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m doing my best to keep this short while still conveying how crazy this day was. And we’re only a couple hours into my afternoon/evening with ML. I applaud any and all who keep reading attentively. I’ll try to make it entertaining.

I will say that in this alley, I got stared down by a police officer. Mildly intimidating and recalled to mind the other intimidating visual to grace me. Just after checking out at the supermarket that morning, while I was packing the couple of items I had purchased into my backpack, I looked up and saw, for the first time in my life, 4 full sets of riot gear. Helmet, vest, nightstick (or whatever it’s called), and some sort of gun in a padded case. Sure, I know that I’ve been around those things before in my life, but never were they in plain view, seemingly on display.

After a few more minutes, a few more crossed streets, and pulling ML out of the way of a car that didn’t seem to care that she was there, we made our way to the pin’s location. And none of the stores around us bore the name of the 4-story bookstore. But we did find another bookstore.........and it turned out to be the right one! Crazy!! Of course, this was after trying out what we guessed was a calligraphy shop that seemed to primarily sell books? The words on the door were somewhat misleading. Anyway, let me tell you: in spite of being in a bookstore filled with words that I can’t understand, I still felt so calm and secure being surrounded by all of those books!

At this point, ML and I seemed to have figured out each other’s senses of humor and made frequent jokes and shared stores as we roamed the shelves, looking desperately for books written in English. After searching all four floors, some twice, we find a section with no markings nearby that happened to have some books in English. After looking over all of the classics (pretty much all they had), discussing the ones we’ve read, conversing about those we haven’t, we each picked one out to buy. I’ve seen Aldous Huxley’s A Brave New World referenced too many times in crossword puzzles and trivia questions to not have developed an absurd curiousity for this book I’ve never read. So naturally I bought it. It seems like a rather nice-looking copy, no artwork to speak of, but elegant in a somewhat formal-Chinese kind of way. It came to 26 yuan, or about $3.90. HOW AM I BUYING A BOOK FOR THAT CHEAP?! WHAT HAVE I BEEN DOING WITH MY LIFE?! *sigh* Well, I seem to be getting by without my Kindle fine enough for now...(THANKS AGAIN RS FOR SHIPPING IT TO ME!!! I’ll let you know as soon as it arrives!)

Day 2: The Lantern Festival

At this point, ML had heard from her friend who I will just call R (have yet to become privy to her family name), and we were given the name of the place we were headed towards: Happy Park. By now, it was around 4:15pm, and we needed to somehow figure out where Happy Park was, how to get there, and manage to not get lost in the process by 6:30pm. So we went for tea. The place we stopped in was what seemed to be a solid attempt at a German tea/coffee shop-slash-bakery. And I got a cup of English Breakfast Tea for 22 yuan ($3.30). Not the best deal, but I learned an invaluable lesson: just take a picture of what you want to order! So simple, so elegant, so effective!!! I was also by this time learning that most people make purchases using the main “social media” app, WeChat. In fact, many shops and restaurants don’t carry any cash as WeChat is just a more effective means of payment. You can link a debit card to your account and you’re good to go! (More on this in Day 3).

<I’ve been writing for almost 2 hours! Yikes!!!> <I wonder if I can get a book deal out of this...>

Without really knowing where to find a subway station, ML and I headed back to where the bus dropped us off, thinking at the very least we could head back to campus and the subway station there. (Also, for those of you who don’t know: I’ve never ridden a subway. Sure, I use RTD rails almost daily in Denver, but somehow this just seemed different. Especially given how many lines there are and that we didn’t actually know where we were going...) We found a bus heading back towards campus, hopped on, and almost immediately spotted a subway station. The bus didn’t drop us off for 2-3 more blocks...

After meandering back to the subway station, we found a map and lo-and-behold there was a stop dedicated to whatever Happy Park is. And it’s on the complete opposite side of town. #unethusedyay #adventuretime We plotted our course and hopped on the train without incident if you don’t count the pile of vomit that I would almost certainly have stepped in had ML not avoided it just before me! *phew* The subway itself was on par, if not nicer, than the trains in Denver, if only a bit louder. Confined spaces and all that. By the time we made our three transfers and got to the other side of Beijing, the sun had set, it was 6:20pm, and we had made it just in time! R met us at the station minutes after.

When we turned to see where we were headed, I was floored. Right in front of us with giant glowing words spelling out (in two languages) “Happy Park” was an amusement park that rivals some Disney parks in it’s show-y-ness. As it was dark, I can’t say precisely how big it was, but I was impressed. Tickets for entry were 145 yuan (roughly $20), which I fortunately had brought along that morning, not realizing precisely how crazy the day would get.

Once inside, R informed us that there’d be a show starting in a few minutes. We tried to find a spot, but the girls had trouble seeing over the heads of the people ahead of us. In fact, I had to stand on my tiptoes as most of the people in front of me were holding up their children, phones, and self-sticks. There was a small mound that almost certainly was not intended for foot-traffic, but nonetheless had a solid 75 people standing on 6-foot-tall trees. When we joined the crowd up there, hoping for a better vantage point, we were disappoint. That is, until ML decided to climb a tree. And I joined her. Naturally. I don’t have pictures of the entire show, sadly. I was too busy being floored and hoping that my one leg that was supporting my weight would hold up! I’m also not including them here as I have to format the videos. But stay tuned in the near future for videos!!

After the show, we wandered around the park for several more hours. I was quite impressed. And the food we got was quite delicious!! Small, fried potatos balls, and donut-hole sized balls loosely-based on a Japanese dish that I couldn’t possibly spell correctly, topped with dried fish. YUM! Check out the pictures of some of the attractions we saw:

This was the interior of an Aquariam-themed section of the park. It was a welcome respite near the end of the night, given that it felt like it was nearing 10F outside.

A Mayan temple, with a restaurant inside and, probably, a water-slide ride built into it? Hard to say. If only our phones hadn’t died and we weren’t so cold by the time we made it to the Athenian/Spartan-inspired section of the park! So many cool statues and buildings!

A still shot as 5 motorcyclists entered the arena after some drum-dancers! Stay tuned for videos of them riding inside the wire ball on the right! [Edit 3: the videos will likely get posted as gifs. Quality will probs be not great. One of them will involve the motorcyclists doing loop-stunts, and the other will involve a dragon-dance with dope fireworks. I didn’t get any video of the lion-dancers from earlier in the show, but take my word for it: it was dope as fuck. So much so that I don’t feel bad about dropping an f-bomb in this edit. I can’t possibly find the words after 3.5 hours of writing to convey just how cool this show was!]

Honestly, I’m not entirely sure what this is, but it looked cool!

This was a small bridge, reminiscent of the bridges in Europe where people write their initials on padlocks and toss the keys into the river below. From what we could tell (thanks to R’s understanding of her native tongue), the pieces all talk about the love between family, friends or significant others.

After the Aquarium-themed building got us toasty warm, and it was ticking closer and closer to 10pm, we bee-lined it out of the park and back to to the subway station. Another three transfers, some more conversation, and we were back on campus. While on the trains, either to or from Happy Park, I don’t remember which, ML commented on how quiet I had been earlier that day while waiting for CB and RB before lunch. Given how quiet I was at lunch, she was understandably worried that the pattern would continue. If you know me, you know it just takes a bit for me to get comfortable and figure out how to talk to you. Needless to say, I told too many stories with a surplus of details in each of the bookstores, on each of the trains, and all of the time in between. I’m thinking ML is going to be a pretty solid friend these next couple of months, if I she doesn’t get sick of my stories first!

As I alluded to above, it was around 11pm before we were back in the Guest House. I was ridiculously pooped but not entirely unimpressed at how not-jet-lagged I was! I passed out soon thereafter and woke up for the third and final time around 7am.

Day 3: Merry Mart II, the Second Part

Alas, morning came; and with it came a surplus of energy to spent getting my life together in Beijing. I still hadn’t unpacked my luggage, there were too many things my apartment was still missing, and I didn’t have a reliable means of feeding myself as I had been warned (and witnessed) that many places just simply don’t carry cash. And naturally don’t accept American credit cards.

So I packed a small bag and headed out again. I stopped by Starbucks, attempted to order a Black Tea Latte from the girl who said “Morning” to me, and made the false assumption that this particular colloquialism implied English-fluency. I wound up with a regular Latte. Still good, though! After that, I made my way to the KFC near the Merry Mart only to find that this establishment is one described above. My cash wouldn’t do me much good there. *shrug*

In the Merry Mart, I grabbed several more bread-based food items, a microwavable meal in a bowl, another power strip, some gum, and more chips. Pringles. American flavors. Two cans of Guiness, and two bottles of hand soap. This time, I kept track of the price of each individual item so I knew how much cash to have ready at the register. This time went far more smoothly, and I filled my entire backpack with items that ran up to 134 yuan (~$20). HOW?! HOW AM I GETTING SO MUCH FOR SO LITTLE I LOVE THIS!!!

Day 3: Getting my shit together

After that, my mind was set on opening a bank account to connect to my WeChat account. I reached out to CB, who graciously offered his assistance for a small amount of time. Ideally, this wouldn’t take too long. After all, he has plenty of work to be getting on with!

Well, the first bank we tried didn’t work because I’m not staying in town for more than 2 years. The second bank was more accepting. He translated exceptionally while I filled out documents written completely in Chinese. I was having an internal panic attack as I did something that felt incredibly wrong or anything. No, not at all. It’s totally okay to sign your name on documents that you can’t read. Yup, totally okay...

As it turns out, the bank would need to send me verification texts, so I gave them my phone number. But my American phone number wouldn’t work for them (they didn’t even try!), so after 30 minutes of waiting and 10 minutes of paperwork, CB and I headed down the street to get a SIM card and a cellular plan. Oh boy. All told, I think I waited for another hour there while CB got some work done; the paperwork and discussions took another 20-30 minutes. Once I had my phone situated, CB assured me that I could handle the rest of the bank stuff on my own as the staff would certainly recognize me and remember what I wanted. Plus, most of the paperwork was already filled out, right? Right? *sigh

The staff at the bank were less than enthused to find that CB hadn’t joined me. This was gonna be a blast, let me tell ya...

All told, I filled out twice as much paperwork as the staff scrambled to find a way to communicate with the moronic American who didn’t have the slightest idea what was going on around him. Of course, filling out this paperwork and determining exactly what they wanted and whether or not I wrote down the right things (i.e. understood exactly what information they were after) included 5-8 different sessions with several different employees, each with somewhere between 10-70 min wait-times. On the plus side, I’m almost done with Dan Brown’s Origin. Not his best work, but certainly entertaining enough to pass the time in a bank surrounded by people who probably would rather I not exist. To be clear, I don’t begrudge them at all; their service was impeccable, and their patience was never-ending, and the entire thing was significantly less annoying than it had any right to be, given the language barrier.

I left their establishment many hours later with a debit card, Chinese bank account, and the means to buy stuff wherever I wanted to go. And a significant amount of confidence that I can get through the next four months quite contentedly. Granted, I didn’t do nearly as much to earn this confidence as the staff at my new bank did!

After the fiasco at the bank, I went back to the Guest House, unpacked my suitcases, and laid down in bed to type this novella. That was several hours ago.

Convinced that I’ve had a crazy few days?

A coworker from Denver asked me how China has been so far, and I told him that it “[w]ent from shit to fantastic so damn fast.” Hopefully my long, rambling story has here has justified that claim for those of you reading this.

There was only one other day in my life that I can recall feeling as justifiably petrified as I did Monday night. I described the feeling as trying to wake up from a dream only to find that you’re wide awake. I was encouraged earlier today to remember that I don’t have to get through all 4 months of this experience at once; I just need to take it one day at a time. I usually don’t find these adages and idioms to be particularly helpful, but this one seems to be true.

In the future, blog posts probably won’t be nearly as long. Thanks for reading!

Now to finish this beer and book!

Sláinte,

BeardyAllen

[everyonepoops2]

My Six Dark Days in Svalbard

I have a map of the world taped to the wall next to my desk that I use to stare at blankly when I’m bored and sometimes to scout geography. You’d think after years of staring at it that I’d be better at knowing where places are, but I still reference it when I’m buying plane tickets. Turns out there’s a big island near the top of the world called Svalbard and you can actually book a flight there!

                                        (not the map on my wall)

The Northern Lights have been on my periphery for a while, so I started looking up the best places to see them. Iceland, Tromso, Norway, and Alaska popped up as having the greatest activity and best viewing potential. I hadn’t been to any of these places and have seen beautiful pics from other people visiting them, which should be their selling point- but not for me! I reject exploratory conformity! 

So the travel hipster in me went with Svalbard, even if my chances of seeing the Aurora Borealis were slimmer there. After three flights and 35+ hours travel time I arrived in Longyearbyen, Svalbard to total darkness at 2:15 in the afternoon.

FUN FACTS ABOUT LONGYEARBYEN:

1. Besides being the northernmost city in the world, it also has the northernmost church, ATM, post office, commercial airport, and university.

2. Since more than 3,000 polar bears live around Svalbard it is required to carry and know how to use a rifle anytime you leave city limits.

3. The sun doesn’t rise for 4 months from the end of October to the beginning of March. The 24/7 night is disorienting, but the darkness doesn’t bother as much as the lack of change does (I’m already butting into the facts section with opinions, ahh!).

4. Despite Svalbard being a Norwegian territory, the town was founded by an American in 1906 as a coaling city and translates to Longyear City. 

5. Cats are prohibited as pets because they are a threat to the Arctic bird population. 

6. Reindeer are known to wander right through town since they have no natural predators. (I only saw reindeer on the outskirts of town but maybe it’s a time of year thing).

7. It’s illegal to be buried there. Longyearbyen only has a small graveyard that stopped accepting new burials 70 years ago because (due to the permafrost) the bodies never decompose. Ted Williams is on his own for now.

8. Longyearbyen is built on stilts due to the ground being permanently frozen year round. The stilts keep the buildings from the active layer to prevent flooding and sinking.

Colorful wooden houses. I slipped and fell on my ass shortly after taking this photo.

On my first day (night?) there I wanted to book tours right off the bat to increase my chances of seeing the lights. I signed up for the first trip at 10:00PM that same night- an Arctic Tapas tour that took you on a heated bus outside of town, fed you peanuts and wine (I couldn’t eat the fish thing they served), and had you wait for about an hour to see if the lights showed up. When they don’t, they take you back to your hotel feeling like a raging failure. This happened the first two nights, but no big deal- I had four more days to catch a glimpse of the lights!

Sidenote: Stepping outside even for a moment in cold climate is such a layering *event*. I can’t fathom living in a place where choosing the wrong outfit could literally kill you.

On my third day, I booked a pricey tour with a local wildlife photographer because I thought he could help me figure out my camera settings and get a good pic of some Aurora action. He never showed to pick me up so I went to the tour office to cancel the trip and get a refund. When the man working there was trying to get in contact with the photographer to figure out what happened, I noticed the entire wall section on his right dedicated to selling rifles and gun equipment (look to fun fact #2).

Polar bears are a looming threat everywhere in Svalbard. The tour bus driver had to “check for polar bears” before we could get out. You’re not allowed to go anywhere outside of town without a rifle. Polar bear warning street signs are all over the place. So I asked the tourist office guy, “What are my chances of seeing a polar bear around?” In response he SCOFFED/CHUCKLED and said not likely (while standing next to the giant rifle polar bear protection section). Stay consistent with messaging, please! 

                        Translates to “Apply throughout Svalbard” 

                          My only polar bear sighting at baggage claim. 

When I returned to my hotel the receptionist said she was able to get in contact with the photographer and he had apologized and said it was because of a glitch with his website. He offered to reschedule for an hour later and I accepted. While out with him I got to see a fluffy white arctic fox and some reindeer but NO LIGHTS.

This was as close to getting a shot in focus I could get during the wildlife tour. The photographer leaned in afterwards to show me how much better the same frame looked a couple of days prior when he got a shot of it with the Northern Lights behind it. I resisted the urge to slap his camera out of my face. 

By day four I was beginning to stress. I became obsessed with checking the weather report and Aurora tracker online. I booked the damn Arctic Tapas tour again for the fourth night even though it was supposed to be completely overcast (the tour operators were really nice and only charged me for one night since I hadn’t gotten to see the lights yet). 

It WAS overcast and I didn’t see them the fourth night. Or the fifth. 

I couldn’t sleep that fifth night and was getting upset that it was all going to be a waste (fun!). I decided that I was going to splurge on a rental car that last day and sit in the freezing cold all day if I had to. After renting the car I drove straight to the lookout point and sat there, staring at the sky, for hours and hours. 

Nothing but stupid blank sky, stupid stars, and stupid beautiful shining full moon. It was like this all day. I never thought I could grow so angry at a sky- but I was BITTER. I kept replaying Jennifer Love Hewitt’s I Know What You Did Last Summer speech in my mind, “WHAT ARE YOU WAITING, HUH? WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOOOORRR???”

Needless to say, it didn’t work out. The Jennifer Love Hewitt scene was clearly my low point, but by the time I got to the airport, I had made my peace. I began to say the thing you say to yourself when you don’t get what you want. It wasn’t meant to be. I especially had to laugh when I checked the Aurora tracker on my phone and saw that away from the brightness of town, there were large lime streaks covering the entire sky as I was waiting to board my flight. I guess it had been waiting for me to leave. 

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2 MONTHS LATER

“I will not go quietly into the night!” - Independence Day (1996)

While it looks like I was driving into a death trap (which I was), I was also driving in one of the top three locations to see the Northern Lights: Fairbanks, Alaska. 

Sometimes conformity is good:

Like a mild green sunset signaling the end of a hunt. Thank God.   

[canaryatlaw]

mmmmm, I’m tired so let’s go. Today was fine. I think I originally woke up around 9:40, and then lied awake for a bit before falling back asleep and waking up again around 11:30. We were set to leave for the airport at 2 so we had plenty of time. I had breakfast (leftover chinese food, of course) then hopped into the shower (because bangs) before finishing getting ready, then basically just went on my computer for a while. A few minutes before 2 I requested an uber to the airport, and the wait wasn’t too bad for a place that isn’t a city (they’re in the suburbs of Detroit, but emphasis on suburbs), the driver was friendly enough and we made pretty good time, we left earlier than normal in an effort to miss the rush hour traffic that would soon be coming. There was a little hold up with an accident, a city transit bus that had smoke pouring out of it, but strangely enough didn’t seem to show any actual fire, which was...odd. But we got to the airport, checked in and dropped the bags off, then headed to security. I need to be better with wearing leggings or yoga pants when flying because whenever I wear pants with zippers in the front (like jeans) it shows up weird on the scanner and then I had to get all padded down, it’s happened at least 4 times now, the lady was like trying to explain it to me and I was like “yeah, I know, this isn’t new” she was probably somewhat disconcerted that I was more amused about the situation than anything else, but I got cleared soon enough and was back with my mom since we’d been temporarily separated through security. This wing of the airport was massive, literally going up to gate 78, fortunately the security leads to the mid point, not the first gate, which was helpful because we had gates 57 and 70. We walked a bit and decided to get some food at a Mediterranean place since we had some time to kill. I got a beef kebob pita which was basically just some steak wrapped in a pita spread with hummus, but I mean that was mostly my fault because I didn’t want the tomato and red onion that were supposed to come with it. but yeah, it was good. my mom was somewhat disappointed with the salad she got unfortunately, so she may have grabbed something else before the plane. When we finished we walked all the way down to gate 70 and lamented that we didn’t walk all the way down to find a restaurant because there was a chickfila down at the end, lol. Oh well. We sat at her gate for a while, our flights to Chicago and New York both left at the same time, so slightly before boarding started I said goodbye and started heading over to my gate. It wasn’t a very sad goodbye, even though my emotions threatened to come bubbling up, because I’m going to see all of them on Friday, so not that much of a wait. I grabbed a seltzer from a store before going to the gate, where I charged my phone on one of their complimentary outlets until we actually boarded. They were having some issue with the A/C that they couldn’t turn it on without the engine on, so until the plane started moving we were sans-A/C, lol, so that was less than great. Delta always has Kenken puzzles in the back of their magazine along with Sudoku, i’m pretty sure that was the first place I saw Kenken and became interested in playing it. But yeah, I finished both the easy and hard puzzles before we even pulled away from the gate 😂 I was amused by this. I’ll have to see if I can find another app that has good puzzles because all the Kenken apps I have right now I’ll completely all the puzzles on. But anyway. The flight was fine, I read fanfic mostly, short enough. It was funny because it left at 5:30 pm in Michigan and we ended up getting in at 5:30 pm in Chicago 😂 (time zone change, obviously). Got off the plane, stopped to go to the bathroom before going to baggage claim, so I was a little late getting there. It was great though, I just came walking into the baggage claim era, grabbed my bag off the turnstile that was right in front of me, threw it over my shoulder and walked out without even stopping moving 😂 I don’t think anyone really cared, but I felt cool. I got over to the uber driver section and decided I’d try an uber pool because I didn’t particularly feel like spending $46 on a ride home. They do the ubers weird at the airport so you have to wait a bit, and when I sat down on a bench waiting and opened my seltzer, which immediately exploded, soaking myself and many of my belongings, which of course was just fucking great. I was at least thankful it was nice enough of a day that it didn’t make me feel cold. Uber driver eventually shows up and we start going, there weren’t any other pool recipients from the airport so it was just me (but still at the pool price) and like, I’m pretty sure 3 or 4 times it popped up that it was going to have us pick up another person, and idk what he'd id but we never actually got to pick any of the other people off, which was pretty optimal, lol, he also had a super long usb cord he offered to me to charge my phone, which was a nice touch. A lot of drivers are going all out on amenities in an attempt to get better ratings. But we got home, I dumped my stuff and got some food, then sat in front of the tv and was like “oh, let me see if anything got recorded” so I go to the cable setting and OH RIGHT, IT’S SUPERGIRL TIME, so I ended up like 17 minutes behind live, almost caught up by the end. I’m like falling asleep right now and I really need to end this and go to bed so I will have to save my analysis for another time (but I definitely will get to it). Goodnight peeps. Have a lovely night.

[garymancuso-blog1]

SATURDAY 5/26/18

MAN, I JUST COULDN’T GET OUT OF BED THIS MORNING AND WHEN I DID IT WAS 9:30 AND I ALREADY NEEDED A SHOT OF 5-HOUR ENERGY JUST TO GET MY EYES OPEN. ROX SAID THAT SHE GOT UP AROUND 9:00. WE GOT ON THE ROAD ABOUT 10:30-ISH HEADED FOR PRINCE EDWARD COUNTY, WHICH IS REFERRED TO UP HERE AS P.E.C.  THE COUNTY ENCOMPASSES AN AREA OF LAND THAT IS CONNECTED TO THE MAINLAND BY ONE SMALL PIECE OF LAND, FOR ALL PRACTICAL PURPOSES IT IS AN ISLAND IN A BAY IN LAKE ONTARIO.  

HERE’S ARE FEW THINGS, TODAY WE HAVE FOUND SOME UNIQUE NAMES OF ROADS, LIKE ‘CARRYING POINT ROAD, OR TWELVE-O-CLOCK POINT ROAD, OR HORSE THIEF ROAD AND OF COURSE ‘TUMBLE DOWN ROAD.  ONE FUNNY SIGN FOR TODAY………THIS GOES OUT TO ALL YOUR ANIMAL LOVERS OUT THERE. “THERE IS ROOM FOR ALL OF GOD’S CREATURES………..RIGHT NEXT TO THE MASHED POTATOES.”

THE HAPPENING PLACE IS THE VILLAGE (YES, IT’S A VILLAGE AND NOT A CITY OR A TOWN, BUT I DON’T KNOW THE DISTINCTION) OF WELLINGTON, POPULATION 1,700.  IT IS COMPRISED OF ONE MAIN STREET WITH, SHOPS, HOUSES, STORES, RESTAURANTS AND OFFICES ALL INTERSPERSED AND ALL RIGHT NEXT TO EACH OTHER – OBVIOUSLY NO ZONING IN VILLAGES.  WE WERE TOLD OF A RESTAURANT HERE BY LAST NIGHT’S WAITRESS (THIS IS HER SECOND JOB) SO WE WENT THERE FOR BREAKFAST……….IT WAS A LITTLE AFTER 11:00 AM.

IT IS CALLED BLAKE DEVONSHIRE AND IT IS LOCATED ON LAKE ONTARIO.  WE SAT ON THE BACK PATIO OVERLOOKING THE LAKE.  PLEASANT SURROUNDINGS AND PLEASANTLY COOL ENOUGH TO WHERE THEY SUPPLY LIGHT BLANKETS FOR THE PATRONS LIKE ROXANE.  IT WAS TRENDY FOR A VILLAGE BUT A LITTLE MORE DOWN-TO-EARTH THAN YESTERDAY’S TRENDY LUNCH RESTAURANT.  ROX HAD EGGS BENEDICT BUT IN PLACE OF THE HAM SHE HAD A SLICE OF PORTABELLA MUSHROOM, QUITE UNIQUE AND QUITE GOOD SHE REPORTED.

IT WAS WARM, IN THE 70”S WITH A COOL BREEZE OFF THE LAKE AND A LITTLE OVERCAST, BUT STILL GOOD WEATHER.  WE WALKED UP AND DOWN THE STREET STOPPING, SHOPPING AND BUYING STUFF FOR ABOUT 2 HOURS PLUS THE HOUR WE SPENT AT BREAKFAST.  SO A LITTLE AFTER 2:00 WE WERE ON OUT WAY TO A PLACE CALLED 1000 ISLANDS.  THIS PLACE REALLY INTRIGUED ME SO WE JUST HAD TO GO.

1000 ISLANDS IS LOCATED IN THE NECK OF THE OF THE ST. LAWRENCE RIVER AND WAS FORMED AT THE END OF THE LAST ICE AGE, YOU KNOW THE SAME TIME THE GREAT LAKES WERE FORMED.  IT IS A TO OF WHAT REMAINS OF A MOUNTAIN RANGE FROM THE END OF THE ICE AGE. FURTHER GEOGRAPHIC TRIVIA – THE ST. LAWRENCE RIVER DRAINS LAKE ONTARIO, THE LAST OF THE LAKES IN THE GREAT LAKES CHAIN. I WON’T WASTE YOUR TIME NAMING THE OTHER LAKES, I’M SURE Y’ALL KNOW THAT.

THERE ARE ISLANDS OF ALL SIZES BUT FOR THE MOST PART THEY RANGE FROM SMALL TO TINY AND THE GREAT MAJORITY ARE DEVELOPED AND INHABITED.  THEY ARE DEVELOPED TO THE EXTENT THAT THERE IS A HOUSE ON THEM.  THERE WAS ONE SO SMALL THAT THE HOUSE WAS ABOUT 500 S.F. AND THE WHOLE ISLAND WAS ABOUT 650 S.F.  

ONE OF THE LARGEST ISLANDS HAS A CASTLE BUILT ON IT.  IT WAS OWNED BY GEORGE BOLDT, HE’S THE MAN WHO BUILT AND OWNED THE WALDORF ASTORIA HOTEL IN NEW YORK CITY.  THE BACK STORY IS WHEN IT WAS ALMOST COMPLETED HIS WIFE DIED AND HE WAS SO BROKEN HEARTED, BECAUSE HE WAS BUILDING IT FOR HER, THAT HE SAID, “FUCK IT” AND JUST WALKED AWAY FROM IT AND LEFT IT UNCOMPLETED. THE CITY TOOK IT OVER, COMPLETED IT AND NOW CHARGES AND ARM AND LEG TO TOUR THE PLACE…………..NEEDLESS TO SAY OUR LIVES ARE COMPLETE WITH ALL THE PREVIOUS MANSIONS THAT WE HAVE TOURED AND VISITED IN THE PAST.

COME TO FIND OUT THAT MOST OF THESE ISLANDS, BEING ON THE BORDER OF CANADA AND THE USA, ARE THE PROPERTY OF NEW YORK.  THERE IS AN OBSERVATION TOWER BUILT ON ONE OF THE ISLANDS THAT WE VISITED FROM THE CANADA SIDE AND WERE TOLD WE COULD GO TO THE TOWER, BUT DIDN’T HAVE TO GO INTO THE UNITED STATES…………..AS IF IT WERE A DIRTY PLACE, AND WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD WANT TO DO THAT.  WE TOOK THE ELEVATOR TO THE TOP AND THEN CLIMBED 3 FLIGHTS OF STAIRS TO THE OPEN AIR DECK ON THE TOP.  HERE ARE SOME INTERESTING TIDBITS THAT WE COLLECTED THERE.  LOOKING NORTH OVER THE HORIZON IT IS ONLY 2562 MILES TO THE NORTH POLE.  LOOKING EAST IT IS ONLY 625 MILES TO THE ATLANTIC OCEAN WHERE THE ST. LAWRENCE RIVER EMPTIES OUT.  SOMETIMES I JUST CAN’T HELP MYSELF WHEN IT COMES TO TRIVIA.

OK, BY KNOW THERE ARE PROBABLY 2 QUESTIONS THAT ARE GNAWING AT YOU.  ARE THERE REALLY 1000 ISLANDS AND DO THEY HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH SALAD DRESSING?   NO, THERE ARE ONLY 997 TRUE ISLANDS. (I TOLD THE GUY I WANTED MY MONEY BACK FROM THE TOWER RIDE BECAUSE I PAID FOR 1000 ISLANDS AND ONLY GOT 997.  SECOND, YES, THIS IS WHERE 1000 ISLAND DRESSING WAS CREATED.

IT WAS CREATED BY GEORGE BOLDT (YOU REMEMBER THE UNFINISHED CASTLE).  ONE DAY THEY HAD RUN OUT OF SOME INGREDIENTS NECESSARY TO MAKE THE SALAD DRESSING THAT GEORGE LIKED AND THE CHEF CAME UP WITH THIS CONCOCTION.  GEORGE LIKED IT SO MUCH HE NAME IT 1000 ISLAND DRESSING AND BEGAN SERVING IT AT THE WALDORF ASTORIA AND THE CHEF WHO CREATED IT WAS TRANSFERRED TO THE WALDORF ASTORIA AND BECAME FAMOUS THERE……………….AND THEY ALL LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER……….THAT IS EXCEPT FOR GEORGE’S WIFE………………..

WE DROVE A LITTLE FURTHER ALONG THE LAKE FRONT AND CAME TO THE HAMLET OF ROCKPORT.  IT IS REALLY SMALL, JUST ONE LITTLE SIDE ROAD.  IN TEXAS WE HAVE DRIVEWAYS LONGER THAN THIS.  OTHER THAN A MARINA, A GENERAL STORE AND A BOAT REPAIR SHOP THERE WERE JUST A FEW HOUSES.  I WOULD GUESS THE POPULATION OF AROUND 14.  WE STOPPED IN THE GENERAL STORE AND THEN TRAVELED FURTHER TO THE FREEWAY AND WERE HEADED FOR OTTAWA, ABOUT AND HOUR AND A HALF NORTH.  MORE TRIVIA, OTTAWA IS THE CAPITOL OF CANADA; YOU KNOW THAT’S WHERE JUSTIN TRUDEAU LIVES.  WHO IS JUSTIN TRUDEAU………I’M NOT EVEN GOING TO DIGNIFY THAT WITH AN ANSWER.

ROXANE REALLY HIT IT OUT OF THE PARK WITH TONIGHT’S HOTEL SELECTION.  ON OUR WAY TO OTTAWA SHE WAS BUSIER THAT A CAT COVERIN’ UP SHIT, WITH MAPS, DIAGRAMS, CHARTS FLYING FROM THE FRONT TO THE BACK SEAT AND BACK AGAIN, ALL THE WHILE HER LITTLE HAND HELD ELECTRONIC DEVICE WAS HUMMING AND FLASHING.  WE WERE EXPECTING ROOMS TO BE A LITTLE MORE EXPENSIVE HERE SO SHE BOOKED A ROOM AND THE “BUSINESS INN”.  WHEN WE GOT HERE AND OPENED THE DOOR TO OUR ROOM WE WENT INSIDE AND JUST KEPT WALKING AND WALKING, WE FIRST PASSED THE KITCHEN AND THEN THE SMALL DINING TABLE, IN ONE CORNER WAS THE BATHROOM AND IN YET ANOTHER ROOM WAS THE DESK, COMPLETE WITH A COMPUTER AND PRINTER, AND FINALLY THE KING SIZE BED, 60” FLAT SCREEN TV, A LIVING ROOM AREA WITH A COUCH, CHAIR AND COFFEE TABLE AND A 7’DRESSER ACROSS FROM THE BED.  HELL, THIS IS A SMALL APARTMENT FOR THE PRICE OF A HOTEL ROOM…………WE’RE IMPRESSED.

I HAD TO GO MOVE THE CAR TO A REMOTE PARKING LOCATION BECAUSE ALL IN HOUSE PARKING WAS TAKEN.  THIS WAS NOT A PROBLEM SINCE THIS HOTEL IS LOCATED RIGHT DOWNTOWN AND WE CAN WALK TO EVERYPLACE THAT WE WANT TO GO AND WE WON’T HAVE TO USE THE CAR FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS.  THE ONLY SMALL INCONVENIENCE, NOT THE FAULT OF THE HOTEL, IS THAT THERE IS A WEEKEND LONG MARATHON RUN GOING ON AND I HAD TO WAIT ABOUT 25 MINUTES BEFORE ALL THE RUNNERS CLEARED AND THE COPS OPENED UP THE STREETS AGAIN BEFORE I COULD MOVE THE CAR.

OTTAWA IS SUCH A REALLY NEAT, EXCITING, FUN AND CLEAN CITY (996,000 PEOPLE) THAT WE COULDN’T WAIT TO GET OUT AND WALK AROUND.  WE FELT THIS ATTRACTION THE MINUTE WE GOT HERE SO WE’VE ALREADY DECIDED TO STAY ANOTHER DAY HERE.

WE WALKED TO WHAT MIGHT BE CALLED THE ENTERTAINMENT DISTRICT (THIS IS WHERE THE BYWARD MARKET IS LOCATED, THAT WE’LL BE VISITING TOMORROW FOR SURE).  THERE ARE SO MANY RESTAURANTS THAT YOU ALMOST CAN’T COUNT THEM ALL AND IF YOU MULTIPLY THAT NUMBER BY 10 THAT IS HOW MANY BARS AND CLUBS THERE ARE AND IF YOU DIVIDE THAT NUMBER BY 3 THAT IS HOW MANY RESTAURANT / BARS THERE ARE…………ANYWAY WHEN YOU GET FINISHED WITH THE MATH IT’S ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE TO TRY TO DECIDE ON A PLACE TO EAT.

WE ATE A JOEY RIDIEU’S.  THIS RESTAURANT WAS HAS HIP AS YESTERDAY’S WAS TRENDY AND THE FOOD WAS EXCELLENT, AS A MATTER-OF-FACT THE FOOD ON THIS WHOLE TRIP SO FAR HAS REALLY BEEN OVER THE TOP WITH THE EXCEPTION OF THE PLATE OF NACHOS WE HAD A COUPLE OF DAYS AGO…………BUT THAT WAS OUR OWN DAMN FAULT.

THE FARTHER EAST WE GO THE MORE FRENCH IS SPOKEN AND MOST ROAD SIGNS ARE IN ENGLISH AND FRENCH.  TODAY I SAW THE FIRST ROAD THAT ONLY IN FRENCH, LUCKILY IT WASN’T ONE THAT PERTAINED TO ME…………….AT LEAST I DON’T THINK IT WAS!!!

OTTAWA IS SUCH A GROOVY CITY, AGAIN, IF CASSIE AND LEXIE ARE READING THIS BLOG WE’RE SORRY THAT WE NEVER TOOK Y’ALL HERE, Y’ALL WOULD HAVE LOVED IT………….CAN YOU EVER FORGIVE US.  WELL I GUESS Y’ALL CAN NOW VISIT IT ON YOUR OWN AND WE HIGHLY SUGGEST THAT YOU DO IT AND DO IT SOON.

[cecphotos]

Fall in Death Valley

Price: $950, Optional Post-Processing After Workshop for $125

Join me November 5-7th, 2021 in Death Valley for a multi-day immersive experience in one of the most unique landscapes in the world. Spend 4 Golden Hours and 2 nights exploring the vast arid landscapes that the park has to offer. As one of my favorite areas to photograph, I truly hope you’ll join me for an unforgettable photographic experience.

Scroll down for all the details

About The Workshop

During this workshop, I will guide you to some of the most interesting areas of the park, some well known and some hidden gems. Rippled sand dunes, multi-colored badlands and salt flats of surprising patterns are just a few of the incredible opportunities for translating emotion and vision through our photographic medium. I am dedicated to providing the best instruction on all aspects of the art of landscape photography. Whether you are just beginning or are a seasoned pro, I am ready to help you move forward with your photography as all levels are welcome to participate. Together we will create an unforgettable photographic experience this fall.

Itinerary

Tentative Schedule:  Since this is a field workshop, we will remain flexible to weather and light conditions.  The final itinerary with exact times will be made available on Day 1. Lodging, airfare, transportation, park fees and meals are the responsibility of the attendee.

DAY 1: Friday, November 5th

12:00 PM Meet in Parking Lot of Furnace Creek Visitor Center 1:00 PM Depart for Sunset Shoot, Blue Hour, and Quick Night Photography Session 6:30 PM Depart back to Hotel for dinner

DAY 2: Saturday, November 6th

5:30 AM Meet in Parking Lot of Furnace Creek Visitor Center for sunrise shoot 9:00 AM Return To Hotel for Mid Day Meals and Rest 1:00 PM Meet For Afternoon/Sunset 1:30 PM Depart for Sunset Shoot 6:30 PM Return to hotel

DAY 3: Sunday, November 7th (Daylight Savings)

4:30 AM Meet for Sunrise Shoot 7:00 AM Move to 2nd Location 9:00 AM Workshop Concludes for easy hotel checkout

*Weather is a huge a factor on good shooting conditions. The schedule will adjust to meet these conditional opportunities as they present themselves.

Transportation

No Transportation will be provided to, from or during the workshop. All attendees are responsible for arranging their own transportation. Any car will be sufficient for our outings, but a vehicle with higher clearance may allow you more ease on some roads throughout the park outside of our workshop.

Airports

• The nearest airport is in Las Vegas. McCarran International Airport (LAS) is about two hours away from Furnace Creek. • Los Angeles International Airport (LAX) is about five hours away from Furnace Creek.

Rental Cars

Many options are available for renting a vehicle of any kind from either airport listed above. Any car will be sufficient for our outings, but a vehicle with higher clearance could make driving easier on some roads in the park.

Accomodation

Hotels:

The most convenient and recommended location to stay is with the Oasis at Death Valley in the Furnace Creek area for both the Ranch and the Inn. The Oasis is the most expensive and the Ranch is a bit less. Many rooms are available at this time, but they do fill fast so don’t wait to purchase accommodation. There are also room available in StovePipe Wells, which is about a 20-30 minute drive to the north of Furnace Creek. I’d only recommend staying here if the Oasis is full.

Camping:

Camping can be done at this time of the year but can be fairly cold in the early hours of the morning. Furnace Creek Campground is conveniently located and it takes reservations in advance online and by phone. There are options for backcountry camping nearby if your vehicle has at least 9 inches of clearance, 4x4 not necessary. There is also camping available at the StovePipe Wells Campground. RV Camping is available at both Furnace Creek and StovePipe Wells. Showers are usually available for $10 per person at the Furnace Creek Resort.

Things to Bring

It’s always good to know what equipment you need. If you have any questions about the necessities I’m here to help, but here is a list of essentials and recommendations for the trip:

Equipment:

DSLR / Mirrorless camera and lenses

DSLR or Mirrorless camera is an essential tool to get the most out of the workshop and your photos

Wide Angle Lens - 12-24mm (Faster lenses are better for night photography, but not essential)

Mid to Long Range Zoom - 24-70, 70-200, 100-400 are great ranges to capture intimate scenes

Tripod (Sturdy as the Fall months can have very strong winds)

All filters you might have, a Circular Polarizer is a great tool

Remote / cable camera shutter

Needed for tack sharp images and long exposures

Several memory cards

You never want to run out of space for pictures. Bring several or empty at the end of the day

Spare camera batteries

Another thing you never want to run out of in the field. Bring several fully charged with you and charge over night

Head torch (for any night or low light walking and shooting)

Raincover for camera and camera bag cold come in handy in some rare cases of rain or high wind!

Small Camping Chair or Stool for comfort

Clothing Items:

Many layers - It can be quite cold in the morning hours, but usually mild to warm in the middle of the day. I’ll have more on the weather 1 week prior to our meeting date

Gloves, Warm Hat, warm socks

Sunglasses, Large Brim hat, and Sunscreen are recommended for the daytime

Hiking Shoes\Boots are recommended

FOOD:

Food, Water, and all other essentials. No Food or water will be provided before, during or after workshop; unless otherwise stated in the itinerary.

Plan ahead and have plenty of water available as it is very dry and can warm quickly on clear days.

Physical Requirements

Hiking will be required, but the hikes will be around 1-2 miles at most. The Sand Dunes and Badlands provide the most strenuous of the hikes, but are moderate at best. Typically shooting is done within a mile of the car and most hiking should be flat in elevation. We’ll be sure to move at a fair pace and no student will be left behind, but please consider that there will be walking involved and participants should be prepared physically.

What is Included and Not Included

INCLUDED:

• Tuition • Expert instruction in the field with Chris Ewen Crosby • Video Introduction and Presentation Prior to Workshop • Guidance to key compositional attributes throughout the park

NOT INCLUDED:

• Flights and transportation • Lodging • Meals • Park entrance fees • Travel and cancellation insurance

Payment, Fees and Terms

COST:  The cost of the workshop is $950 and includes everything listed in the “What’s Included” Section 

PAYMENT:  A non-refundable deposit of $250 is required to reserve a space on this workshop. The final balance of $950 is due and payable 30 days before the workshop begins. Full payment is due at that time or thereafter, and there will be no refunds on the full amount owed if you cancel after final payment. However, if another client happens to fill your space, you will receive a full refund, minus your non-refundable deposit. Payment(s) can be made using the Add To Cart button of this web page using a credit card via Paypal and Stripe. If you would like to pay by another method, use the contact form on this page to ask Chris about options for sending a personal check or bank transfer. 

COVID-19 ADVISORY:

In accordance with state and local public health organizations, Chris Ewen Crosby Photography & Samy's Photo School are following all COVID-19 related protocols. All participants will be asked to maintain social distancing protocols of 6 feet from anyone not in their household. Face coverings are mandatory for all. The class size for this event has been limited to only 5 students to further minimize the risks associated with COVID-19. Please do not attend this class if you are experiencing any symptoms related to COVID-19 including fever of 100.4 or higher, cough, shortness of breath, loss of sense of taste/smell, fatigue, diarrhea, muscle aches and headache.

Participants will be required to sign a COVID-19 addendum and assumption of risk form

CANCELLATIONS:  Cancellations require me to re-open enrollment and/or to engage in additional promotional efforts to fill the workshop on a short notice, therefore, my policy is that there will be no refunds of the deposit. The balance (minus the non-refundable deposit) is refundable up to the 60-day deadline. Thereafter, the balance is also non-refundable, with one exception: if we find participants to fill all canceled spaces and the workshop is ultimately full when it begins, then you will receive a refund of the balance within two weeks of the workshop’s conclusion. The deposit remains non-refundable. All refunds are subject to a 6% processing fee. I highly recommend that you obtain travel/cancellation insurance for all workshops to protect yourself against unusual circumstances.

PARK FEES: All attendees of the workshop are required to pay the National Park Entrance fees upon entry to the park and are not included in Workshop Fee. Further instruction will be provided to students prior to their visit.

Death Valley Entrance Fee - per vehicle - $30.00

This permit allows all persons traveling with the permit holder in one single private, non-commercial vehicle (car/truck/van) to leave and re-enter the park as many times as they wish during the 7-day period from the date of purchase.

Death Valley Entrance Fee - per motorcycle - $25.00

This permit allows persons traveling on one motorcycle to leave and re-enter the park as many times as they wish during the 7-day period from the date of purchase.

Death Valley Entrance Fee - per individual - $15.00

This permit allows a single individual traveling on foot or individuals traveling on one bicycle to leave and re-enter the park as many times as they wish during the 7-day period from the date of purchase.

Death Valley Annual Pass - $55.00

Annual pass providing free entrance to Death Valley for 12 months from the date of purchase

Curriculum

Curriculum will be catered to each individual’s skill level and may vary from student to student. Below you’ll find some common topics based upon different skill levels.

BEGINNER-INTERMEDIATE

I am a big believer in fundamentals in the development of any skill, photography is no different. I start all my workshops by ensuring that we have a good foundation to build on. Below you’ll find some sample topics:

Shooting in Manual Mode

Understand The Exposure Triangle and how each affects the image (aperture, ISO, shutter speed)

How to Meter and Expose for best results

Using light for better captures

Compositions made simple and easy

Understanding and using camera settings and menu options

ND’s, Polarizer and Grads - Which to use and when to use it

Tips and Tricks for easier workflows and shooting experience in the field

INTERMEDIATE - ADVANCED

Those who have a greater understanding of their cameras will get some more advanced shooting techniques to focus on light, location and making good decisions to make the most of the variables. Some advanced topics are listed below:

Exposure bracketing and blending

Focus stacking for depth of field and sharpness

Creative blending to bring the vision to life

Composing for interest, depth and focus

Conclusions and Expectations

SUMMARY

Your satisfaction, enjoyment and educational experience is important to me.  The goal of this workshop is to allow you to further understand your camera, composition and artistic expression while using the amazing landscapes of Death Valley. I want to ensure that everyone comes away with great instruction as well as a great experience in nature. Most importantly, we are going to have fun! Having fun is a critical part of any good photography adventure. When you have fun, your mind is free to expand and learn.

POST PROCESSING

Post Processing is not included with this workshop. You can purchase an additional 3 hours of post processing instruction with this workshop that will be completed following the workshop. Editing is done via group video session in the following weeks from the workshop. It is recorded and available for download shortly after the session is complete. Instruction is given in both Adobe Lightroom and Photoshop. Topics of post processing will vary upon your skill level. Common topics below:

Lightroom and Photoshop Workflows

Maximizing your RAW captures

Keys to clean editing

Stacking for depth of field and noise

Use of Luminosity Masks

Blending methods

Finishing an Image

and much more...

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Learn More About Chris

Chris is a photographer and educator based in Long Beach, CA. It is a desire to teach, love for the outdoors, and photography which resulted in his role as a landscape photographer and educator. When not sharing his photography knowledge he can be found exploring nature’s beauty in his endless search for perfect light and discovery.

Learn More About Chris’s Workshops

Chris’s workshops cover a wide-range of photographic instruction and all its aspects, but also put an emphasis on having fun to enable creativity to thrive. Chris puts the emphasis your development as a photographer, incorporating infield fundamentals and cutting edge techniques to help you find your vision and bring it to life in post-processing. Whether you are just beginning or a blooming professional, Chris will help you to create meaningful and inspiring photographs while leading you down a path towards finding your own creativity.

[hopesanpedro]

Bangkok 2020

I booked a solo flight to Bangkok in October of 2019, defeated that my friends wouldn’t be able to come with me. Turns out, the boyfriend did too. We didn’t plan it together; we weren’t even together then. Four days trip for me, 6 for him – 3 days overlapping. Hahaha! So anyway, we were able to push through with the trip before Covid-19 was declared a pandemic and everyone was sucked into the health crisis. (We both monitored our health when we got back and thankfully none of us showed any symptom.)

Since we’re all stuck at home, I’m sharing with you our experience (and itinerary!) by the days.

𝘿𝘼𝙔 1 𝙋𝘼𝙍𝙏 1: 𝙎𝙊𝙇𝙊 𝙏𝙍𝙄𝙋

It was my first time to fly solo, let alone go abroad by myself. It was weird and I felt awkward since I had to figure things out by myself. Traveling to another country is not a usual thing for me. Haha! I only went abroad once before Thailand. And even that was sponsored. I wasn’t rich nor was in the position to travel before. I have to diligently save up for any trip, whether locally or abroad. And my parents never brought me with them in their trips. At the airport, it dawned on me – this, flying to Bangkok, is a first. Nervous and excited, I boarded the plane and hoped for the best.

After 3 hours of seat-mate less flight; I got off, passed immigration, got lost in Suvarnabhumi airport trying to find the wifi rental and rabbit card booth, got confused by their train system, and finally was able to board a train off to my hotel. Got to my station and the sun was unforgiving! It was so hot, hotter than it was in the Philippines. But! My Filipina self was raised in the heat and humidity like it’s nothing, baby. So, dripping in sweat on a particularly hot noon, I walked about 500 meters to my accommodations.

Here’s where it gets interesting, when I got to my booked accomodation; a shabby bed and breakfast in an unmarked street with not much establishments around (it was better in the internet!!), the receptionist welcomed me. She was friendly and she sympathized with tired me. She asked for my name and checked her book. She told me the stairs is the only choice I have since the elevator is for staff use only and that my room would be on the 5th floor.

I was getting disappointed and confused when she brought up the choice to transfer hotel. I was so adamant since I do not want additional expense and the room was already paid for. But she showed me a clear book of the other hotel which is also owned by them and told me I will be taken there by their own vehicle and that I will not be charged again on anything. I made sure I heard her right and made her explain it again to me. She reassured me again and told me that the other hotel is only about 300m away. She told me I can come back and stay there if I don’t like it. After a few more minutes of repeated questions, I decided to check it out.

After a 10-minute quiet drive, the driver kindly helped me and my luggage off the pick-up. Upon entering the lobby, I realized I was already about 70% sold. The neighborhood was quiet but alive. There were food and service establishments a few meters away, and a convenience store right beside us. There was also a really nice café right across. The hotel lobby was also nicer and they had a porch and parking available. I, by then, only have to check the room to see if I would be going back to the original accommodation. The receptionist got my name and then told me I can check out the room. She went with me and it was not bad at all! I would even have a small balcony, albeit the lack of a scenic view. I signed the papers and they asked me for a deposit. Nothing more.

I realized, when I finally got to settle down in my room, that I could have been kidnapped or killed in a strange land. BUT I WASN’T! I decided to trust mankind, meticulously cautious, and it produced a fruit of better stay! It pays to grow up in Tondo; being street smart and learning to read people’s faces.

Thank God for the protecting my trusting self!

!!! 𝙄 𝙬𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙 𝙣𝙤𝙩 𝙧𝙚𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙢𝙚𝙣𝙙 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙩𝙤 𝙟𝙪𝙨𝙩 𝙘𝙖𝙧𝙚𝙡𝙚𝙨𝙨𝙡𝙮 𝙜𝙤 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙨𝙩𝙧𝙖𝙣𝙜𝙚𝙧𝙨 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙙𝙞𝙧𝙚𝙘𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣 𝙤𝙛 𝙖 𝙧𝙚𝙘𝙚𝙥𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙞𝙨𝙩 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙠𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙧𝙤𝙪𝙜𝙝𝙡𝙮, 𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙪𝙜𝙝. 𝙄𝙛 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙙𝙤𝙣’𝙩 𝙛𝙚𝙚𝙡 𝙧𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩, 𝙙𝙤𝙣’𝙩 𝙙𝙤 𝙞𝙩. !!!

[zephyjay-blog]

D&D 5th Edition Aarakocra Rework

This is a redo of the Aarakocra race created for the 5th edition Elemental Evil Player’s Companion. In no way do I take credit for the race or stats listed in this document. The stats and racial traits are the original creation of Wizards of the Coast.

A bit of a preface. I’m picky about my character backstories, like, very picky. So often when I see a race I think is cool, I’m often left disappointed in said race. My DM, gods bless him, allows me to rework the race to better fit my perception of them, allowing me to get more creative with choice of weapons, clothing, and even the backstory. One race I took a very polar stance on is the Aarakocra. I feel WotC came up with an amazing race as far as looks and stats go, but the backstory was really weak in my opinion. Some of it is pretty solid, but then it turns into what can only be described as kender with wings. So anytime I play one (which is a lot) I redo the backstory to fit the world. That is the purpose of this document.

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 Fresh out of training and they sent most of us into the heat of combat against the undead. “Forged in the fires of war” they said. But I didn’t see any of my commanders around. Skeletons and zombies left and right, my friends and fellow soldiers at my back, but no leadership. “don’t worry, it’ll all be fine” they would tell us, but how is this fine? Sure, one of us could kill five of them, but when we are outnumbered 10 to 1 and as we died we got up to fight alongside the legions of undead, how do we handle that? Training did nothing to prepare us for this.

That’s when I heard it. A cacophony of ear shattering screeches from above. I saw easily a dozen creatures falling through the sky like arrows, lightning flashes causing light to reflect off their rapiers. About 45 feet above the ground, massive wings spread from the shapes as a dozen birds landed behind the army of the undead. From the left and right I could see even more. Easily 3, maybe 4 dozen landing in all sorts of vulnerable spots behind the undead. Through the jungle of limbs and weapons I could catch a glimpse of the avians slaughtering the undead with a merciless efficiency I have never witnessed in my life.

It was like a healing potion for our morale. We had to show these warriors what humans were capable of. I raised my sword in the air and we charged through, cutting the undead down. It felt like hours but couldn’t have been more than two minutes before we were converged in the center, fighting side by side with these warriors. Crows, ravens, blue jays, and magpies all dawning light and ornate armor, brandishing precision cut rapiers. None had shields. They fought with bloodthirsty aggression. No holding back, no hesitation. They threw themselves at the battle as though it were their last day on the mortal plane.

Just like that, it was over. The undead lay slain around a necromancer, who was bound and on his knees looking over all of us with defiant arrogance. He looked at each bird, then at me.

“Hey, thanks for the soldiers. You should bring more next time.” He spat in my direction.

The most decorated of the birds, a scarred and older looking raven, looked from him, then to me. He squawked an order to his men who formed a circle around me and the necromancer, threw a knife on the ground between us, and cut him loose…

The fact that I’m sitting here telling this story clearly means I survived. The necromancer? I’m not sure there is enough of him left to prove he was ever alive. That was the only time I was ever proud to take a life. But this story isn’t about me. It’s about the Aarakocra.

While they rarely stand higher than 5 feet tall, they are some of the most intimidating individuals I have ever met. Razor sharp talons on every finger and toe, 15 to 25-foot wingspans, and beaks that could rip flesh from bone so quickly it’d put a hungry orc to shame. But they had a warrior’s code. They believed in honor in the battlefield. If you prove your strength and show respect, they will return said respect. They are a proud race of warriors and when their city fell, the whole world felt it. They knew what was coming and ordered the elderly to flee with the young. While the remaining men and women died, allowing the race’s lineage to escape. They are scattered and without a land to call home. Many seek revenge, some seek to find a new home and rebuild, while others seek to carry on the history of the race.

My only advice if you meet one is to never show pity or sympathy. Do not try to share in their anger either. Bow when you greet one, and show respect.

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The Aarakocra are a prideful race of warriors and laborers. They often aren’t physically imposing but they are alarmingly fast. They come from the recently fallen city of Oksanen, where the Temple of Air was located. It was a bridge between the mortal plane and the element of Air. When the city fell, the Aarakocra sent a lone messenger in and destroyed the portal, permanently severing the connection between both worlds. It is estimated of the 1500 Aarakocra in Oksanen, only about 100 remain. Nearly all of them enlist in the military and take roles of scouts or messengers due to their unmatched mobility and speed.

               Every Aarakocra fights as though death is seconds away. It may seem desperate and chaotic to a casual bystander, but to some who knows combat and knows battle, they are fighting aggressively but every move is a calculated attempt to demoralize and overwhelm their opponent. They settle their differences with duels, and even those sometimes end in death. There is no heaven or hell to the Aarakocra. Only Purgatory and Valhalla. If you live a life of honor and die with honor, they believe you will be guided to Valhalla by a Valkyrian. Otherwise, you awaken as an invisible spirit forced to wander the plains in disgrace. They are devout worshippers of the Norse pantheon.

STATS: These are the official Wizards of the Coast stats for this race. The only change is that the Talons trait can be used with dexterity or strength.

Ability Score Increase. Your Dexterity score increases by 2, and your Wisdom score increases by 1.

Age. Aarakocra reach maturity by age 3. Aarakocra don’t usually live longer than 70 years.

Alignment. Most Aarakocra are lawful. Very few believe in “good” and “evil” in the traditional sense. Only the honorable and dishonorable. They act in the best interest of their flock, causing a more neutral leaning alignment.

Size. Aarakocra are about 5 feet tall. They have thin, lightweight bodies that weigh between 80 and 100 pounds. Your size is Medium. Speed. Your base walking speed is 25 feet.

Flight. You have a flying speed of 50 feet. To use this speed, you can’t be wearing medium or heavy armor.

Talons. You are proficient with your unarmed strikes, which deal 1d4 slashing damage on a hit. Dexterity or Strength can be used for these attacks.

Language. You can speak, read, and write Common, Aarakocra, and Auran