#there you go tumblr dot com the ultimate question has been answered

[astralnymphh]

ellie is a confirmed bottom because she always gets strapped down in the sims 4 no matter what save, no matter the person, no matter the time of day. 24/7 eagerly throwing ass up for any domfem or dommasc in the area 🔥

[yourhealingjournal]

Hey.

I'm really struggling with PTSD related anger lately and it has ruined a lot in my life. I feel like crap for unintentionally hurting people and feeling like I have to defend myself to the death. Do you have any advice or reassurance for dealing with mental illness and anger?

Thank you!

first of all I AM SO SORRY FOR JUST ANSWERING THIS. i didn’t get notified by tumblr dot com that i have an ask on my inbox waiting my bad

my first thought reading your ask is that anger does not make you a terrible person. & i would argue you’re not a terrible person because i have the proof of you sending in this ask which to me shows: a) you’re aware of the hurt you’re causing as a byproduct of your anger & b) you want to change and be better about it.

& then you mentioned two things i’d address separately:

re: feeling like defending yourself constantly - i don’t know what you’ve been through but it must have been really tough and exhausting. i hope you’re far away from the situation that hurts you & i’m also so sorry that the effects of it still isolates you. feeling the urge to defend yourself often is one of the unfortunate consequences trauma can leave behind.

i think defensiveness that comes out from trauma often stems from a belief that a part of you is being threatened. this can be from you or your choices always being questioned or scrutinized (threatens your security of self), not being believed (threatens your sense of reality) / having to explain yourself constantly but not still being understood, not having a safe place to live (threatens your physical security), etc. it can also be feeling threatened for your own self and survival when you perceive the threat to be too big or strong for you to handle. most trauma modalities argue any of the 4Fs are survival mechanisms that ultimately serve to protect us one way or another.

unfortunately, even after we’ve removed yourself from the harmful environment, our nervous system requires time to catch up. anger is a form of fight & like you said it feels like constantly defending yourself.

my advice (if you’re at a point where you’re ready to process your trauma & can do so safely) is to not shame your anger, but ask what is it so angry about (not in a judgmental way, but a curious one). you can keep track of an anger log to see what triggers that anger to come out. what event did it remind you of that you have the urge to defend yourself now? the roots of our current responses are wired in the past.

anger can also be a presentation of resentment that was built up overtime so you can also ask what you’re resenting about the other person or situation. i’d suggest not thinking too deep about any of these questions — writing or typing might be easier to just get the thoughts out. you may find a deeper understanding of where your anger comes from, from the process alone.

if you’re not a place to process it deeply, you can start with accepting that your anger exists. i think all our trauma responses really boil down to needing safety & comfort & protection so each time the anger comes, i hope you give that acknowledgment and comfort to yourself. it can be difficult to have gratitude for a part of you that responds in a way that can put you in a disadvantageous situation, so you can start with a neutral statement like: “I see you’re trying to protect me.” or “you don’t have to be angry any longer. you can let the anger go now. i can protect you.” (i’m borrowing a bit from IFS parts work’s framework of thinking). my point is yes your anger can be misplaced, but your anger did come from somewhere so it’s not something you need to shame yourself over because also to your other point:

re: you feel like crap, you said, because you know the anger wasn’t the response you wanted to emulate at that point in time. you can fix that. my only advice for this is to apologize once you’ve calmed down to the people you unintentionally hurt. (not saying you don’t already do this by the way) if you’d like (&it seems appropriate to disclose that in your relationship with them), you can also tell them it’s something you’re working on (e.g. let’s say you got angry at someone you barely know or only know as your work buddy, you can say ‘sorry about the other day, it was a long one’ v.s. If it’s someone you’re close with like a friend, then you can say “sorry about x event. i’m working on my anger”). you dont have to disclose the why you have the anger in the first place, but if you feel that beneficial to your relationship, go forth.

with other people in the equation, the solution is not so much to isolate but to titrate. by that i mean:

first, if you can limit the amount of contact from people who trigger you (e.g. a well meaning relative but really they push your buttons), do so for the time being.

if however these are say a deeply beloved friend who you haven’t seen each other in a while or a situation where you can’t limit contact with them (e.g. work, etc.), when you start to feel frustrated, remove yourself from the environment if able. make an excuse like needing to use the bathroom, “let me check and get back to you”, etc. if it’s not feasible and you have to stay in the room or you don’t want to draw attention to yourself, distract with doing something that can delay your response. for example, drinking your choice of beverage, walking away to get something before returning, etc. ideally we all can leave & disappear when something triggers us but that superpower hasn’t been invented yet.

i didn’t say “triggered��� and use “frustrated” because sometimes there’s a build up to one snapping. build ups can range from not getting enough sleep the night before, being hungry, & anything else that can impact one’s mood regulation. the acknowledgment of where you are on the scale of being on top of your mood regulation game is dependent on you checking in with yourself daily. you can do this in the morning / afternoon / evening where you just ask yourself where you are on the scale of tolerance. mostly it’s to let yourself know like “hey i didn’t get much sleep last night so i might be a little bit more prone to being angry so let’s make a plan around that (eg. limit contact with people who trigger you, don’t watch the news if you know the news tends to make you feel bad, etc.)”.

i also think if you don’t find the idea of check-ins appealing, you can also do this retrospectively so at the very least even if you find it difficult to accept your anger, you can validate your emotions. let’s say you got angry at someone, you can ask yourself the basic checklist questions like; when’s the last time you eat? drink? sleep? any physical discomfort? all of these do contribute to our mood. maybe the coffee machine broke that day & when it happened it didn’t make you upset but it is one thing that didn’t go the way you expected so it’s another drop on the tolerance meter. & then you’ll find that wow of course you lost your cool: you didn’t sleep, your body aches, a customer was being a bit difficult even if not hostile, a lot of little things add up and then the neighbor just had to mow the lawn when i’m trying to sleep. like idk if i were you i’d lose my shit too. did the neighbor deserve it? no. could i have responded “better”? yeah but i get why i’m upset.

which brings us to the second part of titrating: mood regulation. this is a whole other thing i can get into but the gist is accepting & validating what your mood is right now (eg yes i’m angry & it makes sense as to why i’m angry — even if the situation you’re not in makes sense like the scenario above, your anger comes from somewhere. maybe you don’t even know why you’re angry but that anger is still valid. you can say: ok i’m angry right now idk why but i am and that’s okay.) then process it with whatever method works for you. trial & error. counter to what i mention about the anger log: you don’t always have to know the reason behind your anger to process it.

some activities to process anger & if you’re simply asking how to deal with anger when you feel it once you’re alone: movement helps. exercise no matter how low intensity it is still works. walking. venting to yourself on a voice note then deleting it as a symbol to delete the anger can also work. punching a pillow. squeezing a stuffed animal. screaming to a pillow. screaming to the void. needlepointing. knitting. plonk keys on the piano. crying is another option. that’s all i have for today.

now once you’re in a better mood and headspace & more equipped with skills, you can relax rule no 1 of limiting contact. ideally i’d also suggest doing some somatic work to rewire your nervous system but that’s a whole other post.

ps. sorry i get a bit sassy & humorous at the end with the scenario. i wanted to get this out asap but it’s 4 am and i am running on 2 hours of sleep. i hope this answers your ask.

[renaultphile]

TC tag game

Thank you for the questions and for tagging me @spudodell.

Rules: Answer the questions and tag other TC fans!

1. "He would not fucking say that" only they did and it's canon. When/who?

Ralph to Laurie in the ‘break-up’ scene, as soon as Laurie starts asserting himself:

"Don't waste time, Spud. It's childish to start an argument about whether we love each other, the moment I go and sit on the other side of the room”

What a horrible thing to say!  Run like the wind, Laurie!

2. Did they kiss in the study? Yes/no + why you are 100% correct about this.

First let’s take a moment to appreciate Spudodell's recent spot of a stealth kiss (can you re-blog that one too, I couldn't find it!) at the beginning of the ‘break-up’ scene when Laurie comes through the door, which to me is absolutely definitive and ground-breaking (not in a good way for me, but still….brilliant detective work!)

On the kiss, I am in the ‘no kiss’ camp, but it is not possible to be definitive.  I feel that Mary plays a lot with echoes, parallels, and contrasts, and for me ultimately I feel the lack of a kiss is meant to be a contrast to other moments in the book, not an echo. 

But what has exercised me more recently is, kiss or no kiss (but especially if there was a kiss), this scene in chapter two really gives me the creeps.  I have been reading around the topic for some schoolboy Ralph fics and Alec/Ralph (watch this space on that one), and it has become ever more clear (Alec Waugh’s commentary ‘Public School Life’ being the best reference on this) that Prefects really were like Gods.  He points out that prefects had almost as much power as but even less accountability than teachers due to the ‘no-snitch rule’.  You can see it in the discussion of Hazell and his confessions, and how contemptuous the schoolboys are of him for 'confessing' (or in modern terms, reporting an inappropriate relationship).

In some ways, a kiss could explain quite a lot about Laurie’s behaviour and attitudes to Ralph in the book.  But to be brutally honest, I’ve had enough of creepy behaviour in men being disguised as ‘romantic’ in heterosexual romances (Mr Rochester, anyone?) and the thought of encountering it in a gay context in such a beloved book is just too much to bear.

So, no kiss for me!  He was still behaving pretty weirdly but that’s understandable in the circumstances.

3. Mandatory question about Ralph's alleged tattoos.

I’m sold on the fic that has him get a tattoo of his sunken ship.  Love the co-ordinates of Dunkirk idea though!  But I think Lux’s one is more realistic.  My reading of that being that he got drunk and wanted to fit in so he got a load of random not-very-good-ones.

4. 53 vs 59 edition: quote a line or paragraph that is better in the edition you like the least.

I favour the ’59 edition, as I broadly feel the cuts make it read better.  But there is one exception.  When Laurie is daydreaming about swimming with Charles, Mary cuts this line:

“Take off your things and jump in."

Apparently skinny-dipping was a step too far for the US audience!  Scandalous!

5. Which TC character would feel right at home here on tumblr dot com?

Bunny but not in a good way.

6. Tag yourself at Alec's birthday party.

I’m Laurie as in sitting in the corner checking out the books.  Not as in going on a rescue mission with some drunken guy.

7. Post a TC meme.

Sorry I couldn’t find the source of this – not exactly a meme but it made me laugh!

8. Easy to talk about who deserved better. Who deserved worse?

Not that I know what happened to them, but Andrew’s relatives who tried as hard as they could to ruin his life, as if his parents dying wasn't bad enough.

9. You can break the fourth wall (at any point in the novel) and say a single sentence to our protagonist, Laurie Odell. What do you say?

I would tell him not to let Dave bully him into leaving Andrew without seeing him.  Because he knows with every fibre of his being that Andrew would not want that.

10. What's a question you have about TC? One you haven't found an answer for yet.

Too many to say.  It’s the unknown unknowns that really get me.

Tagging @gayskogul @telltaleangelina @jeork @alovelywaytospendanevening @black-bentley and anyone else who wants to play and would like to raise their head above the parapet!!

[jediofbooksandsnacks]

Do you think Urobuchi could be the writer of this new "Providence" movie? It doesn't appear to directly continue the season 3 plot, so maybe? I'm just- so hopeful I guess? Maybe just blind? Could Urobuchi even save what this franchise has become?

Wow, dude. You slid in and asked me 5 different questions while wearing an Anonymous suit. I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt that you’re not trying to stir up the PP pot and answer you as honestly as I can.

Google tells me that after S1, the Movie, and the light novel / game Mandatory Happiness (which is amazing and you should go play it), Urobuchi became a supervisor. Unless this is his triumphant return—and that would have been part of the update, yes?—he has passed the PP torch, and he doesn’t seem overly interested in returning.

As for what Providence is about, all we can do is speculate. The poster does feature Arata’s dad, so maybe we will finally learn what sent Akane to jail, yes? Maybe? Or maybe it’s all just a massive bait-and-switch to the fans? Who knows? Not me, not until I see it. So: wait and see, compadre, wait and see.

And, look, on the hopeful and the blind point--sometimes in the dead of night I wish with all my heart that Urobuchi will come back and save us from the long, dull rants about the housing pandemic that have sadly taken over the writing. In the hands of a sharp writer, I would have been all in on those interest rates, you know?, but it was not written well. So, we can’t hit like and reblog to cast our way out of dull writing; it is what it is. And the characters (with one exception) are actually pretty good. Also, there is always the danger that the return of Urobutcher will ultimately kill our darlings, which, again, is fine if it is done with some foresight and planning. A thoughtful, bittersweet ending for any of them is better than a dumb, thoughtless ending where someone needed to die, and welp, I guess this person’s number is up. Which is . . . ugh, don’t get me started.

This comes down to the intersection between the character writing (pretty good!) and the plot (*inset sad saxophone noise here*). Urobuchi was a guiding hand, and the series seems a little lost without his sharp influence. The plot of S1 blew our collective minds. S2 was made without him and . . . yeah, even with my sad boy Hinakawa, not so much. Plot of the Movie, which he also wrote? Hell fucking yeah! Even Sinners of the System is collectively pretty good. But S3? First Inspector? Yikes, yikes, yikes. The characters were great, but I was more invested in the Pillbug Standoff than I was in the story itself. And that, among many other things, should definitely tell you something.

Now, of course my thoughts on the series and its writing are different from others, my friend. Each of us is just playing with the cool cyberpunk characters, and each of us does it entirely, totally differently from anyone else. What can be cooler than that?  

So, to sum up: since Urobuchi left, the character writing is good and the plot writing is meh. But, hey, you’re asking your question to a Shinkane blog on Tumblr dot com who writes like, a ton of fanfic about them. The clown potluck where we discuss our blorbos is scheduled for tonight, amigo. Bring something salty.

Meep meep.

[inmyarmswrappedin]

The good: 

Skam España set up Amira’s crush on Dani (and Dani’s crush on Amira) in s2 and, regardless of how it ends, they are following through with that storyline, instead of dropping it like a hot potato.

The bad: 

Okay, so first off I have to say I’ve never vibed with Lucas Nabor (Dani)’s acting. And by never I truly do mean never, as in the first day of Cris’ season, I found the way Lucas N played Dani in the confrontation with Cris after they get home extremely cringy. This was way before I could’ve ever dreamed that Skam España would whitewash Yousef’s character and turn him into a white character. 

So, for me, it’s not just an issue of whitewashing (which is already bad enough on a show with no meaningful male characters of color), but eskam pairing one of my favorite Skams character ever with the character I like the least for acting reasons.

But I figured eskam wouldn’t really have the audacity to whitewash a love interest and not give us a Yousef of color in another form. Just like the way we got that 5-second glimpse of Lucas Rubio hooking up with a boy named Iván in the s2 finale, so people could see the male Isak had also found an Even, or the way we got a full season of Miquel being the abusive boyfriend that Spanish viewers saw William as, but for Noorhelm fans, Alejandro still got to be Nora’s endgame. 

And so, when Sofian in the trailer was blatantly posited as a love interest, juxtaposed with shots of Dani with the same expression and filmed from the same angle, I thought, “Okay, so Amira will have an additional love interest who is actually Moroccan, and he’ll probably be around much less (like Iván in s2 and Alejandro in s3), but he’ll be the endgame.” 

Like... Never in my wildest nightmares would I have thought that Skam España would take... idefk... Lito from Skam and turn him into a full fledged character who’d play the fuck out of Amira and attempt to talk her into bearding. 

When Kasim was introduced and people immediately noticed the look between Lucas and Kasim, I thought, “no fucking way Skam España would pull an Elite.” WHEN, when has Skam España looked towards Elite for inspiration before? Not even just to “fix” Elite storylines and turn them into good storylines. Elite and Skam España have never existed in the same sphere or tried to do the same things or impacted each other.

When the spoilers came out, I thought back to the time in s3 when the same hackers said that Alejandro would hit Miquel with a bottle. At the time, I heard of the Alejandro spoilers and wondered to myself, “is this something Skam España would ever do?” And I thought nah, no way, Skam España has never been concerned with toxic masculinity or romanticized it. And I was right! 

So I did the same thing with these spoilers, and I was SO SURE that I had understood the show, that I had understood what Skam España had been trying to do all these three seasons, that Skam España was so disinterested in men as a whole that they’d never try something so complex with either Dani (a conversion storyline) or Kasim (a closeted storyline). Both of those storylines are storylines Skam España gives to GIRLS. Because men in eskam have always been more about what they symbolize for the girls, than their own entities. And I liked that! So, on that level I feel betrayed, because Skam España had been telling it was one thing for three seasons, until in s4 they decided Amira didn’t deserve the same treatment as all the other mains, where she doesn’t get to be by far the most complex character in her own season. (I’m not saying Amira isn’t complex - she is. She is the most complex Sana and the most nuanced.) 

There are a couple things that gave me a bad vibe about this season from the start: one was the fact that Kasim wasn’t introduced in episode 1. Skam España always introduces the characters that are significant for the main in episode 1, so for Kasim to not show up in episode 1, that was a sign. The other one was that Skam España gave the bonus clips to Alejandro. This is a show that refused to give Lucas bonus clips in s2, because his experience as a gay boy just wasn’t relevant to Cris. Not in the same Viri’s experience was relevant to Nora. And suddenly, Alejandro (and not Nora) gets the bonus clips in a season about Amira? Like, it was just fucking weird. It is weird as shit that a show that has always gleefully centered the female experience to the detriment of the male experience, would decide in their Muslim woc season, that it was time for the whitest, straightest, cisgenderedest, richest character on the show to be the first one to get some focus.

Because Sana seasons across the board have underperformed compared to the seasons that came before them (because of racism and islamophobia in Europe), I thought that maybe Movistar had decided to lean on the romance a bit more heavily this season, in order to make it seem more appealing. Kinda makes sense, no? We’re tired of seeing straight white girl seasons, so making Nora’s season lean a bit more on the educational side of Skam isn’t a risk. People will still tune in. But a Sana season is a bit of a harder sell, so we have to sweeten the deal with romcom tropes and all the other couples in the show making out and about to have sex, to make up for Amira not getting those scenes. I thought I could live with that.

But like, there’s adding some background fanservice from established couples and then there’s this monstrosity that leans into EVERY islamophobic Muslim trope ever (because it’s super commercial and high stakes drama and excitingggggg). Like, in Western media, Muslim men are either oppressors (abusive, strict husbands who beat their wives and are terrorists or thugs or thieves) or oppressed (closeted gay boys who resort to extreme means, such as bearding or dealing drugs, in order to stay under the radar). They never get to be the leading love interest. I have never seen a Muslim man of color on Spanish TV be the male love interest, and especially not the love interest to a Muslim woman. And Skam España will be no different.

I also hope people understand the way it undermines literally every other thing they’re trying to do with the show. Amira already explained at length both her own stance towards gay people and Islam’s stance towards gay people, in s2 and her bonus video with Lucas. if you want to be a Muslim in good standing, you can be gay as long as you don’t act on it. But you can also be a Muslim who eats pork, or a Muslim who doesn’t fast in Ramadan, or a Muslim who doesn’t pray five times a day, because ultimately it’s about every individual’s relationship with Allah. To go back on this for a homophobic Muslims storyline undoes everything they did in s2. 

It also undermines Dounia as a character. Here’s a practicing Muslim who longs for a safe space, who doesn’t want to answer questions from non Muslims, who thinks it’s better not to even open the door to a relationship with a white non Muslim, and who’s really confident in all those decisions. And if you think the show isn’t setting her up to be confronted with the fact her brother doesn’t feel safe among Muslims, who prefers questions from non Muslims over telling the truth to Muslims, who has happily opened the door to a relationship with a white non Muslim, who thinks that Dounia is a homophobe in short, and that she will be made to reexamine all her beliefs because of her brother... I just don’t know what to say to you tbh.

And also, this clip made it seem like Amira’s Muslim world wouldn’t accept her crush on Dani, undoing everything the show has done until now. Dounia didn’t disapprove when Amira told her she had a crush on a white non Muslim. She understood and shared her experience. Amira’s mother knew about her crush on Dani and never tried to stop it, nor did she discourage it when Amira told her about it. Why is Skam España suddenly acting like Amira can’t tell anyone about her budding relationship with Dani, when every anon on tumblr dot com will tell you that relationships between Muslim women and Christian men happen all the time?

And finally, it just makes me reexamine previous Skam España seasons and wonder... Did they make Amira only start wearing hijab in the first day of s1 because they knew a character like Sana wouldn’t contemplate a relationship with a white character who makes islamophobic jokes, drinks and makes out with the Sana’s friends in front of her after specifically inviting her to a party? Did they make Amira the show’s Isak’s best friend just so they could whitewash Yousef? Was the whole purpose and trajectory of Amira on the show, everything they did with her, a justification for whitewashing one of the few positive men of color on Western TV? For refusing to show a Muslim girl in a happy relationship with a Muslim boy? To only portray and devote time to Muslim poc/white atheists relationships? (Amira’s parents not withstanding.) As if the most positive outcome for a Muslim person living in Europe is to marry a white atheist. That is what Skam España did to Sana’s season, to Sana, to the balloon squad. 

[clairenatural]

Hm. I know this is fandom stuff so whatever it’s not that big of a deal but misha is a grown 40+ year old man who CHOSE to make a post trying to defend one of the most blatant “bury your gays” moments in modern tv AND Jensen has a history* of homophobic behavior (saying brokeback ruined cowboy movies for him, ‘real men don’t use straws,’ writing no on the bi dean thesis, the booing issue). like. they’re not the victims here. and you’re bisexual too so I know you understand that the lgbt fans who were denied good rep but still expected to praise the show regardless are the ones harmed, and I wish everyone talking abt this would stop trying to empathize with grown adult men who made thousands off a homophobic, racist, misogynistic show and instead actually offer genuine criticism for the ways the show screwed everyone over

here’s the thing.

i really debated not answering this, but after the knee-jerk response I ultimately do want to be held accountable for things and if I fuck up I want to know, so let’s talk.

First of all, I *do* want to remind you and everyone that while fandom stuff definitely can be a big deal, I’m also just someone having fun on tumblr dot com and how critical i choose to be/not be isn’t indicative of my real life ability to critically consume media or view the celebrities I follow as flawed humans. Personally, this is my safe space, and I choose to celebrate the show rather than focus on tearing it down.

That being said, we do need to hold this show and the people involved accountable for their homophobia, racism, and misogyny. I honestly believe (or, i guess, believed) I’ve been doing that--I’m incredibly angry with how we’ve been treated, and I feel like I’ve done a good job voicing that. If I haven’t made it clear enough that this show massively fucked over everyone, I’m genuinely sorry. I’m very much of the mindset that the CW should burn. At the beginning when all this was going down I was very clear on that, I’ve participated in the twitter campaigns, i’m boycotting the show, etc. Recently i’ve been shifting this blog back towards being more positive (not about the ending, but just in general) for my own mental health, but please don’t think my stance on any of that has changed (and I am ready to go back into battle the moment I’m called on).

I also don’t believe I’ve ever glossed over Jensen’s problematic past--he absolutely needs to be held accountable for his past behavior. I honestly don’t have the spoons to go track down long thinkpieces on how his behavior has changed drastically recently and as to why fan opinion on him being homophobic has largely shifted but he has markedly changed his tone in the past few years and has shown himself to be an ally. If this is specifically about the post I made on the booing thing, I clarified in the tags that I wasn’t trying to defend Jensen; a lot of antis use that incident as an example of “Jensen thinks bi!dean is gross, nyah nyah” when it’s a bad example of that because he didn’t really know what was going on (as reported by the fan who asked the question). That wasn’t supposed to absolve Jensen of how he reacted in that situation or ways he has handled other similar situations. On Misha--I’ve said repeatedly that I don’t really think the CW forced him to make that video but I do believe it came from a good, if misguided place. I also believe his response to the backlash, where he listened and learned, was the best it could be. Not everyone has to accept that apology and I obviously can’t on behalf of the entire community, but I personally do, and he also is bound by an NDA + probably has guidelines on how to address the bury your gays issue so yes I will cut him some slack because of that. In fact, his statements on bury your gays specifically varied SO wildly over the past few times he’s mentioned it, from “I know this was bad and I’m sorry, it’s a conversation we should continue to have” to “It wasn’t bury your gays” that....yeah, I do believe there was some sort of consensus reached on how to approach it that he had to stick to. Overall I just genuinely think that the actors aren’t the enemy here when all the (most recent) signs point to them trying to give us as much as they can--actors aren’t showrunners or writers or producers and don’t have ultimate power over the narrative.

But I do really want to apologize if anyone following my blog feels like they aren’t allowed to be angry or that they need to celebrate the show. I’ve been vocally angry here and while I’ve been shifting more towards positivity for my own wellbeing I would never tell other fans--particularly LGBT+ ones--that we need to praise the show. I am also deeply hurt by this. I’ve expressed how hurt I am by this, and now I’m trying to move on to a more positive place, but that does not mean everyone has to! And on that note, honestly, while I may advocate against people sending hate and attacks to the actors, I’m not here to police anyone’s feelings. If you feel like you need to be angry at Jensen and Misha in order to process and move on.....it’s not my right to tell you that you can’t be. We shouldn’t let them silence us and if I’ve participated at all in the silencing....there’s not much I can say except that I’m sorry and I’ll be better. 

[mookittens]

“Whatever happened to superwholock?”

is a question that I’ve seen bouncing around here for a while. It also happens to be one I can answer! I know that for some there has always been confusion over how an incredibly active and central fandom can disappear overnight and that heritageposts has been airing all the dirty laundry is making people curious again. I’m hoping to clear up any confusion and help put many of those heritageposts into some context, so let’s get started!

First and foremost hi! I’m mookittens dot tumblr dot com and I was a Superwholock. That’s right lads I was THERE during the height of it all 2013-2013. The reigning years. I saw it all go down as it happened. It was really two big things that made the kingdom collapse. The first of which was the quality of the shows.

Now as we all know, fandoms don’t start from nothing and they don’t end after peak popularity so I will be opening up the timeline we’re looking at to run from 2010 - 2015. First we’ll look at quality by show and then how they all fit together to form the Downfall.

Supernatural

Going in Superwholock order we start off with SPN. The odd man out. The one american production in a sea of union jacks. I always considered this to be the last one to join superwholock regardless of the name as it has basically nothing in common with the others besides just being on at the same time but this could just be personal bias as supernatural was the last of the three I personally watched.

Now I just want to say now this isn’t even opinion, this is objective fact. The only possible bias is labeling season 6 as good instead of okay because I liked Balthazar. The timeline speaks for itself, and if like me you look at this and go “wait what even happened in season 8, 9, or 10?” I feel ya. I watched em all and had to look up the wikis so let me save you some time. season 5 Lucifer, season 6 last of the cool angels, season 7 leviathans season 8 closing gates of hell, season 9 ended with Dean becoming a demon. By season 10 supernatural was just a name whispered on the wind, but you might have heard about the fanfiction musical episode. 

Supernatural really faded away during season 9 after many of the most beloved characters were long dead, and though the hype of Dean turning into a demon seemed like it could lead to a revival, ultimately when it became clear there would be no follow through at the beginning of season 10 the fandom packed up and moved on to greener pastures.

Doctor Who

Out of all three, the one with the most staying power. Even today, there are a few posts here and there about 10 floating around. There are just as many posts about Steven Moffat too. This one was the first one of the group I watched and objectively I wanna say the best. The few good seasons it had are still good.

Being British television, most seasons only ran within the one year, meaning less content in general compared to supernatural. Also, the sheer drop in quality happened much more quickly and dramatically than supernatural. Everyone loved 10, and by the end of 11’s first season everyone was hype for more. Unfortunately, Moffat started to rule the scene. Slowly encroaching to become head showrunner and giving us all Clara.  

Sherlock

OH BOY HERE WE GO. Sherlock. Wow. This will go beyond our scope but I feel it’s worth it since this is Sherlock in its entirety. I’m just gonna ignore the special cuz I don’t even remember it.

PLEASE keep in mind these aren’t my opinions but what I remember the general fandom consensus being at the time. Sherlock was the perfect storm of having to wait YEARS for episodes to come out and then being hit by some of the worst TV I have ever seen. There was even the scene in the first episode of season 3 (which I swear was THE most anticipated episode of a television show I have ever SEEN on my like 8 or whatever years on this website) where Moffat (yep him again) and Gatiss make fun of the fandom. They have the most hated character on the show seem crazed and obsessed with making theories on how Sherlock could have lived with his fellow fanatics. Nothing like taking the fun fans of your show were having during the off season and showing them how stupid they were for even thinking about it! If you’re reading this and thinking “okay season 3 was bad but I remember season 1 and 2 being good!” then I highly recommend watching Sherlock is Garbage, and Here’s Why by hbomberguy on youtube. It made me rethink how I felt about the show entirely. 

When you put these timelines all together it looks like this:

Makes it pretty clear why it seemed to disappear, huh? It is worth noting, however, that besides sherlock, 2012-2013, despite being the height of superwholock popularity, was when the shows were Bad. I theorize it’s because the fandom was still riding the high of the earlier seasons and its passion pushed it forward, but it can only push for so long.

The second big contributing factor to the Downfall of superwholock is that a huge chunk of the fandom were young. I was in high school at the time, and so were most of the rest of the fandom. That’s why a lot of the heritageposts posts are so cringey or school centric. It was just kids having fun. This isn’t to say there weren’t fandom moms and the like in the superwholock fandom, there were, but chances are if you were following them for superwholock content then they’re still making superwholock content now. What happened in 2014 - 2015 is that a lot of the high school kids graduated and went to college. Now all of a sudden they don’t have time to watch TV so they have to be choosy and with how bad the shows were they weren’t making the cut, or they didn’t have cable at all and wanted to pirate better shows. It was a perfect storm that ended superwholocks reign. Now even the shows themselves are ending. Supernatural is ending its 15th and final season this year, hopefully we’ll never get a 5th season of sherlock, and Doctor Who is actually good again but with the new doctor feels like it did when it was good back in 2010. Doctor Who may never be over, but the end of a whole chapter in our history is about to close.

TL;DR Due to a significant drop in quality and a lot of superwholock kids going to college and realizing there are better shows out there superwholock basically dissolved as an internet superpower over the course of 2014-2015. 

[devilstree]

Answer the questions and tag 11 people you want to know better!

@devildomz tagged us in an ask game. ok hell yeah this is a 2 in 1 blog

1. What do you prefer to be called namewise?

adri: adri !

nat: nat ........ lol our names are right there

2. When is your birthday?

adri: june 29 ... cancer season 😌 ✌️ 

nat: december 11 sagittarius gang only

3. Where do you live? (You can just give the country’s or state name if you’re not comfortable with sharing the city name)

adri: both of us are from the sf bay area

nat: what she said

4. Three things you are doing right now?

adri: i made fresh strawberry milk + boba and i am sipping on that. i am also listening to weeb music. i am also drawing somn 👀

nat: i am dyeing fabric in a pot with acrylic paint bc im in the throes of finals week and also im blasting fall out boy just one yesterday cause its 2015 again. yeah

5. Four fandoms that have your peak interest right now?

adri: at the forefront it is literally obey me the demon dating sim and haikyuu the volleyball anime is my ultimate comfort media. thats all folks i dont have four

nat: obey me is my emotional support quarantine hyperfixation but also animal crossing

6. How has this pandemic been treating you?

adri: not kidding! godawful! i hate it here ive never been more depressed in my life

nat: my life is gonna turn around as soon as im done with class next week but for now i am literally going through it.

7. A song you can’t stop listening to right now?

adri: tattoos together -- lauv

nat: mouth of the devil - mother mother

8. Recommend a movie

adri: marie antoinette dir. sofia coppola. is something that can be so personal 

nat: phantom thread 2017 dir. paul thomas anderson. absolutely insane

9. How old are you?

adri: i am 19

nat: me also

10. School, university, occupation or other

adri: university but summer break just started 4 me. double majoring in english/environmental studies 

nat: university also i go to art school. studying textiles & trying to double major in illustration. still working on the last one tho........

11. Do you prefer heat or cold?

adri: for outside weather sunny and warm, for indoor temp cold

nat: 70 degrees is the ideal living temperature i dont take feedback. also it is better to be cold than hot

12. Name one fact about you that others might find unusual

adri: bruv i am a normie i cannot think of an unusual thing. i am a vegan thats my weirdest unusual shit

nat: idk uhhhhhhhh. actually ok i thought my birthday was the wrong day for 10 years

13. Are you shy?

adri: i do not think that im shy i literally am just woefully picky with people i have in my life so i snip out people i dont immediately click with. not shy just unfortunately frigid akhddkg

nat: no only on the internet 

14. Do you have preferred pronouns?

adri: she/her

nat: anythings cool honestly but i prefer he/they slightly.

15. Biggest pet peeves?

adri: gross but. aggressive burping without apology when i dont know u like that

nat: hate it when ppl try to be rude funny like what is ur damage lol.. only do that if i know u -_-

16. What is your favourite “-dere” type?

adri: i had to look this shit up bc i didnt know any dere type other than tsundere but i still say tsundere because its so fun

nat: not a weeb so i had to check anyway its deredere i love happy bitches. good for them

17. Rate your life  1-10. 1 being crappy, 10 being amazing.

adri: last week it was a -8 but today it’s a 5??? im unfortunately going thru some shit rn but im on the up again

nat: 3-4 right now but i am finally getting off my ass for my finals. as soon as next week passes i guarantee i WILL be at 10

18. What is your main blog?

adri: @adrisama where i blog about haikyuu and rb whatever else i want

nat: @goo-mies its just everything there.

19. List your side blogs and what they are used for.

adri: oh christ. they are all lowkey dead for now bc i literally caught obey me disease but @twilitinhere for twilight blogging. @puffsleeves for blogging about anne with an e. @agrestes for miraculous ladybug. u are looking at the newest sideblog here at devilstree dot tumblr dot com

nat: i have an art blog @dovebranch and an aes blog @solohsis which r the only ones im really using rn. i used to have a tf2 sideblog but i havent touched it in 2 years and the art is old so i am NOT sharing

20. One thing you think people should know about you before they become your friends? 

adri: this is just for people who follow this blog and play obey me.... i stan satan and mammon. yes they r on critical opposing ends of the sapiosexual/morosexual spectrum. i have two hands!!!!!  🤧🤧🤧

nat: im just gonna piggyback off of what adri answered. anyway i stan levi and asmo who are also on opposite extremes except its the two ends of the cringe-sexy scale. (pinches fingers together) its about the duality

[feminismforlesbians]

I mostly see accounts of people who were terfs in their youth and changed their mind. What made you go the other way?

@bluegone  

I’m finally back at my laptop. 

(I had this huge essay going in reply to this and then realized that absolutely no one would read of all it and started from scratch).

I’d have to agree with some of the people who commented on this through replies or reblogs while I was away—-I have never seen someone who was a “terf in their youth” shift entire ideologies into liberal feminism. You’ll see a lot of people apologize profusely for being a transphobic cis gay before opening their eyes to tumblr dot com and becoming an instant trans inclusionist. That means that as young 14, 15, 16 year olds (their youth) they had never heard of gender identity vs sex or else didn’t know that attraction based on sex, which was their natural attraction, was a bad thing. It doesn’t mean they were “terfs”. It means they were young gay or bisexual kids who hadn’t ever been exposed to gender theory before and now have subscribed fully to it, apologies for the past crime of feeling sex-based attraction always ready to be offered up. They didn’t change their minds from one ideology to another; they simply subscribed to one without comparison to anything else. 

I actually fully engaged in one movement, then consciously made the decision to subscribe to a different one. 

I’ve been on this hellsite for a very long time. I’m 21 now and I was either 14 or just newly 15 when I first ~made an account. The mainstream “LGBT and feminist movement” on here is liberal trans-inclusive ace-inclusive feminism. It’s large, it’s the default, it’s the social justice community you participate in unless 1) you know there’s a different one you value and you find it or 2) you find a different one through the mainstream and value it (a la me). This mainstream collective has enjoyed trends such as monosexual privilege, gender bang pt 1, mogaii, split attraction model, gender bang pt 2, “q*eer”, and others. I was involved in all aforementioned and the others in between. I believed myself to be bisexual when I first started, because I knew I was attracted to girls and I assumed I was attracted to guys. The monosexual privilege, mogaii, and split attraction model trends all did fantastic jobs of reinforcing this internalized heterosexism but also created a substantial amount of internalized lesbophobia. Gender bang pt 1 and the split attraction model together also created some short-lived but intense body sex dysphoria (wherein I would find myself browsing through packers and binders and shutting my eyes while using the restroom, despite still knowing myself to be a woman) because between the pressure to hyperdefine every aspect of my attraction and to deconstruct my gender, I went through the extra identity crisis that was never needed. This is all a very compressed version of the experience, and is more of a background for the events that started the momentum to my switch in ideologies. 

The tumultuous gender and sexuality crises that I personally experienced as a result of these trends lasted from about the ages 14 to 18; I didn’t start to drift away from the libfem community until I was 20. It was not the personal crises that made me leave, and it’s not my crying about them, about my individual woe-is-me tale that makes me a “terf”. It’s the foundation, though, and that’s why it’s worth mentioning. So you are aware I am not talking out of my ass when I describe things in the libfem community, like language used, priorities made, or the effects on young and/or gay people. I’m not talking out of my ass because I was fully subscribed to it for years; enthusiastically and wholeheartedly. It was my community. 

By the time I was about 18-19 I had finally just let myself be a girl and the sex dysphoria had dissipated along with the frantic attempts to gender-trend myself so that I could make my sexuality “make sense”; I knew I was attracted to girls and though I assumed I must have been attracted to guys, I couldn’t describe how and gender-trending seemed to be the answer. I let that go, the gender-trending part, and then I was just a “cis” bisexual girl. I was okay with that; I accepted that trans people were The Most Oppressed. I knew (and still know) that trans people are deserving of safety, and health care, and that dysphoria can be life threatening. I was content with the standards that trans people came first. Trans women are women and trans men are men, check your cis privilege, and so on. 

And then somewhat of a trio of things of happened in quick succession: there was finally that “duh…I’m a lesbian” moment, a wave of gender theory craze that I call gender bang pt 2, and then I got involved in the ace diskhorse. When I finally let myself be a lesbian it was like…learning to fly. For about two seconds. I just felt free from the discomfort and frustration and pain I’d put myself through trying to convince myself I was attracted to men when I really just wasn’t. And then I came out as a lesbian on here, on this hellsite, and I got people telling me, immediately, that that was great as long as I wasn’t One Of Those Lesbians. The terfy ones. Suddenly it became imperative that every time I talked about women I said and trans women. It was with my own internal freedom to be attracted only to women that I finally saw that the reverse was true in this community I was a part of. I was friends with straight women, bisexual women, pansexual women, q*eer women, q*eer nonbinary people, and many trans people. And they were all attracted to men. And what I watched was how normalized and encouraged attraction to men was—how the “thirst” for men was being called empowering and sexy and “q*eer”. Maybe it is empowering and sexy (it’s certainly not “q*eer”), but not when attraction women was either hush hushed or practically infantilized. Attraction to men was loud and suggestive and sexual and humorous and encouraged; attraction to women was…not. This I noticed first. Men and women. And then I noticed something else. It was okay to connect men to penises. It was assumed, by nearly every person around me, that when one “thirsted for that dick” they were talking about a man and that was okay. If someone said “I really want to fuck her”, without even citing whether “cis” or trans, the entire community was on alert. If someone were to say “I would eat her out”, there would be goddamn riots in the name of transphobia. This was where I started think that it was kind of fucked up that people could be “transphobic” in talking about men and penises have it celebrated as feminist, and then utterly destroyed for talking about women and vulvas. This was where I started to wonder why it was okay for my straight female friend to talk about her thirst for men using explicit details involving dick, but it wasn’t okay for me, a lesbian, to have a sexual attraction to vulvas. This was where I started to want to ask questions about sex-based attraction (but I didn’t, because you don’t ask questions in libfem communities. You just accept, validate, and welcome everybody and shut your goddamn mouth if you don’t.)

This overlapped with the gender bang pt 2, which was a reinforcement of the gender theory that had been prevailing for a while but was more significant to me at the time. While I was now starting to wonder why people attracted to men could specify male genitalia in their attraction and lesbians weren’t permitted to do the same for women, there was beginning a larger push to pretend like biological sex didn’t exist at all. There was a push for people to believe that only gender, a concept of personal identity, factored into attraction. It was a push that made it so a woman was only a woman because she said so, and to speak of biological sex was to be transphobic. It was a push that deconstructed my womanhood and my sexuality in one blow. It was a push that further amplified discussions of “dick”, except now where my lack of participation in such talks would have been unnoticeable, it was a “red flag”. It was upsetting. It wasn’t trans people that were upsetting to me, or trans women, or trans “validity”. I wasn’t angry about the fact that trans people existed, I didn’t wish them ill or dead. I was angry that my femaleness, my womanhood, the part of who I was for which this movement claimed to stand for—feminism—was now the enemy. It was being erased. I was angry that my sexuality, which I had had barely a breath to revel in, which I had had denied to me through all this other genderist bullshit, was now treated as a “risk factor” for being a transphobe—the ultimate evil. I couldn’t say any of this, though, I couldn’t ask any questions, I couldn’t differ even slightly in opinion, or disagree with something or have some fucking boundaries, because this is the libfem circles we are talking about. So, instead, I just buried my thoughts because part of me felt that maybe I was evil for thinking that way. 

And right around then I stumbled into the ace diskhorse. Yes, that one area within liberal feminism where there is the slightest variety—I say slightest because in fact, if you openly suggest ace exclusion as a libfem, you will be decimated just as you would for criticizing genderism. However, I say variety, because there are a decent amount of libfems who are ace exclusionists but subscribe to literally everything else in libfem rhetoric. That’s where I found myself, on another tiny blog, lurking curiously in these trans-inclusive gender-not-sex q*eer ace-exclusive posts. (Mind, I am ace exclusive. But that’s not what makes me a terf. Just an aphobe, apparently). This was where I learned that, hey, it was possible to not agree with every single little thing that the tumblr mainstream declared “valid”. I had never strayed away from the mainstream because I didn’t know of any other circle except, you know, terfs, which were obviously evil—so why would I have ever bothered to look at a so-called terf’s blog or in a “terfy” tag? I hadn’t. I hadn’t ever seen anything but the tumblr mainstream all very forcefully agreeing with each other, supported by kawaii banners and not much else. Yet here was the tiny ace-exclusive corner, where people actually discussed like, concepts, and constructs, and facts, and histories, and actual manifestations of oppressions. I saw people actually asking goddamn questions. 

A few times, I would see an ace-inclusive libfem telling an ace-exclusive libfem that they were evil fucking aphobes that were “just as bad as terfs”. Privately, I would think, no, no I’m not like a terf. Terfs are evil! They want to kill trans women and are total fetishists! I don’t want to kill anyone, I know trans people. Just because I think maybe being female matters and that maybe it’s okay to be attracted to sex, does not mean I’m a terf. 

So it was all happening in congruence: I was a lesbian finally free from her own internalized lesbophobia, looking to embrace and revel in my sexuality after hating it for so long, as the community I trusted told me that it was wrong to desire vulva but empowering to suck dick. I was starting to look up and outside and thinking about asking questions just as I discovered that questions could be asked. I was thinking.

I can identify a moment that could be called the catalyst. 

I was perusing my ace-exclusionist corner, and an ace-exclusionist libfem had made a post about asexuality that a “terf” had dared agree with. There was no mention of trans people or sex or gender on either end and still the libfem said:

“go get hit by a truck and die, terf”

It was so brutally violent and since the “terf” had said nothing that was trans or gender or sex related, I thought that this must mean that terfs are so universally evil they’re worthy of fucking death threats just for commenting on a post. And then I worried the thoughts I’d been having, the anger about devaluing my sex and sexuality in the name of trans activism, were terfy. And so I clicked on that terf’s blog, to see how maliciously cruel and hateful these terfs were so that I could reaffirm my previous loyalty to trans-inclusive feminism. 

Except what happened was that I clicked on that terf’s blog and she wasn’t the spawn of Satan. I clicked on people she reblogged from and people they reblogged from and soon found myself lurking in honest-to-God terf circles. It wasn’t violent. It wasn’t evil. No one was asking for the rapes and murders of trans women. No one was fetishizing women. There were black terfs and brown terfs and disabled terfs and lesbian terfs and bisexual terfs and young terfs and older terfs. These terfs weren’t at all the kawaiied pasteled hivemind that libfem was. They actually talked about things; they explored, explained, and support ideas, history, facts, and values. It was invigorating. They didn’t all agree all the time all at once and no one was threatening lives for having a different perspective. Their commonality? In the most basic definition, these trans exclusive radical feminists believed in sex-based oppression, in sex-based attraction, and in the prioritization of women in feminism. Obviously there’s much more to it than that; that’s what made it so fascinating, this movement that had a foundation and entire layers of analyses and arguments and facts and history and convictions. 

I lurked and I lurked and I lurked and then I said fuck it, and I made a blog. I believe that gender is a social construct, that biological sex is fact, that sex-based oppression exists; I don’t want trans people dead, I don’t think trans people don’t deserve health care, I don’t think trans people don’t deserve safety. There’s more, but those are the baselines. 

So I guess now I’m a terf that switched sides. And apparently deserving of things like getting hit by a truck and dying. Comes with the territory when you decide to be part of a movement that asks questions and doesn’t deny reality. 

[jeup]

alphabet tag

rules: answer the questions in a new post and tag 10 blogs you would like to get to know better

tagged by: @seungmole (this is so late but i saw u have a taeho header bless al;skdfjasjdf)

age? 17

birthplace? honolulu, hi

current time?  3:14 pm

drink (last)? water

easiest person to talk to? no one lmao

favorite song?  of all time? at the moment? probably the latter but i ain’t really got one since i’ve been flopping on music :// "bboom bboom” by momoland has been on repeat though

grossest memory? my memory is shit >:( but i did get sick earlier this week and deadass vomited over twenty times in the course of a day

hogwarts house? this long ass quiz just told me i’m a slytherin ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

in love? nah

jealous of people? i guess? i ain’t losing sleep over it or anything but i get jealous of ppl with good families ... also lighter skin but i should get over that shit lmao

love at first sight or should i walk by again? just no

middle name? marie,, the most basic ass white bitch name out there

number of siblings? none

one wish? i sound like such a selfish bitch but like,, an actual family lmao

person you called last? chipotle abt a job orientation lks;djfls;djf

question you are always asked? what ethnicity are you?

reasons to smile? imfact, u-kiss

song you sang last? i haven’t sang in so long >:( “rain” by taeyeon maybe?

time you woke up? an hour ago bc i took a nap

underwear color? not wearing any sis

vacation destination? south korea, japan, the philippines (but more for heritage purposes, not to live it up in a resort tbh), thailand, greece, spain

worst habit? isolating myself from ppl without warning

x-rays? yea for braces back in the day but that’s abt it

your favorite food? sushi

zodiac sign? libra

ultimate bias? kim jongdae + park choa

ultimate bias wrecker? i consider bias wreckers and second biases two diff things and i don’t rly have many of the former but,, maybe cha hakyeon? him and kjd always fighting for that top spot

favorite kpop song? fuck,, “short hair” by aoa and “woo” by imfact ig? also “stop girl” by u-kiss

favorite kpop album? "like a cat” by aoa

favorite kpop ship? i mean i don’t full on ship things cus gotta let the idols live their lives but! xiumin + chen (exo) and ungjae + taeho (imfact)

hard or soft stan? what the fuck are those lmao

favorite kpop company? probably jellyfish

backstory of how i got into kpop? well! i woke up the day after christmas ‘14 and my neighbor was like “hey bitch!! u got three hours to pack ur shit before they takin u into foster care and i was like well fuck me :)))))” so i went and was sad and scared so once i arrived, i spent the whole night on tumblr dot com. idk what i was posting or whatever but a mutual submitted a video to my inbox and i was like uh? alright? so i clicked on it and it was a link to u-kiss’s “believe” which made me all happie :D even tho it was the holidays and i was alone n with some random ass people. i spent nine months only listening to u-kiss before finally branching out into other k-pop groups ;lskjdkf;s;d;fsjlkf

tagging: yikes this is too sad n cynical to tag ppl in but! i spent too long on this post not to so here we go. y’all don’t have to do this ofc. @winshua, @n-tics, @leehavit, @princessyooshiah, @sunkissedjae, @3rracha, @notwisefer, @charmander, @gyu, and @mooonsherbet