#there was other stuff that happened like the library bosses but it just wasn't interesting bc it was so easy

[bigfan-fanfic]

Iphicles (Male!Reader x Percy Jackson PLATONIC)

Big brother!reader x Percy Jackson PLATIONIC Just headcanons of him protecting and helping and just genuinely being a good brother please 🥹

tw angst, mentions of emotional and physical domestic abuse, injury

NOTE: I was thinking of making this a series and continuing it through to Last Olympian. This one doesn't have as much Percy x big brother interaction, but think of it as a setup. Let me know if you want more!

Did you know Heracles had a brother?

While Heracles was the son of Zeus and Alcmene, Alcmene had a husband already - Amphitryon, a mortal man. So there were two babies in the crib - the child of a god and the child of a mortal.

This child was named Iphicles. And while he was never as strong as his brother, he was a powerful warrior in his own right, and accompanied his brother on his quest.

You think about this myth a lot.

You're about four when you meet Poseidon. He went by Yuri then, and it was only later you found out it was short for one of his other names, Eurykreion, which meant wide-ruling.

Yuri loves your mom, you know that. But it's hard, that year, when they get close, and you start to get attached to this guy who might be a father figure to you, and he vanishes.

Leaving your mom pregnant, and you with nothing.

Nothing but a brother with a weird name.

You're ten when Mom meets Gabe. Gabe seems kinda cool at first. He lets you ride in the front seat of his Camaro when he takes you to school, teaches you how to open his beer bottles on the corner of a table (oh what a red flag that turned out to be), and he takes an interest in you, when most of your life since Percy has been about the really weird stuff that starts to happen around him.

You remember screaming when you saw that snake in Percy's crib.

You're pretty sure that that lady who tried to take Percy from his stroller wasn't just wearing a funky coat, and actually had wings.

Or that bus driver with the one eye.

Mom freaks out you bring home a book about Greek myths from the library. She bans you from showing it to Percy.

And that's when it kinda clicks. These monsters you read about... they're part of the world, but they fit in differently. They're not robbers on the dangerous roads between Athens and Thebes, they're mattress salesmen and reclusive sculptors, and kindly old women on the bus, and teachers that constantly demean your little brother for his dyslexia.

Like, you're ten, and MOM can barely even say dyslexia, so how could your six year old little brother figure it out?

And then Gabe shows his true colors. All the little warning signs that could be forgiven from a nice guy start to balloon to almost comic proportions.

You've been a good big brother to Percy. Yeah, it's your job to take care of him, but you love him too. He's tiny and adorable and afraid of everything, and you just wanna show him that things can be good. Like the blue food your mom makes, or the little moments you can make for him that aren't weird or worrying.

But then Gabe tears your little brother away. Percy gets sent off to boarding school after boarding school. For six long years, the only time you see your brother is during the summer, or when he gets expelled.

Part of you wonders if he feels that same sibling bond, if he wants to leave his fancy schools to get back to you.

Gabe's a shit. Way more when the little kid isn't around, and as you get older, he gets bolder, more willing to get nasty the less you look like a baby.

You try not to get bitter, but it sucks so much, living like this. Your mom works soul-crushing hours at that candy store, and her mean boss says you can't just hang out there after school anymore cause you'll distract her.

You wander New York as long as you can after school rather than be alone with Gabe.

And the one time you tried to talk to a counselor at school, she perked up oddly and mentioned your little brother Perseus (how did she even know?) and her eyes changed color and you ran as fast as you could.

You feel angry at the world. At Gabe. At your mother, for letting your brother get sent away, for doing nothing when Gabe yelled at you for no reason, for all the little things, and at yourself for blaming her, for being powerless yourself, for barely recognizing Percy when he gets home, for almost hoping he gets expelled soon so he can reunite with you sooner.

You've had suspicions since you were nine. You turn sixteen and you scream at the Harlem River, daring Poseidon to fight you.

And for any other mortal, he wouldn't show up, but a hand lands on your shoulder and you turn to punch Yuri in the gut.

Your hand breaks, but he pulls a starfish out of his pocket and plasters it over your hand and you can feel the bones mending, and you both sit and talk.

The gods are real.

And they suck.

Your mom refused his offer of a palace under the sea, and you can't decide whether to hate her for it or hate Poseidon for dating your mom when he's already married and he knew he couldn't stay.

He's never been there for Percy. Never been there for your mom. Never been there for you.

Gabe hits her, does he know that? How long until he starts hitting you? Hitting Percy?

How long before the dwindling light goes out?

You hate him so much, you growl, but he hugs you and all the fight leaves, like the tide finally setting back out.

You are not his son, but in that moment you are of the sea, and he understands you.

You are the son of Sally Jackson, the brother of Perseus, and you will be the Earthshaker where the Earthshaker himself cannot tread.

It doesn't change anything, but when Poseidon finally says it, finally says "I am sorry," it moves you. There is someone out there that can see and acknowledge your suffering. Poseidon has lost countless children, was eaten by his own father, betrayed by his brothers. He has witnessed the entire breadth of humanity, and yet in this moment, a god apologizes for the woes of a mortal.

You are sixteen when you meet a god.

He will not be the last.

Poseidon kisses your forehead, drenching you in seafoam as he vanishes, and you feel reborn.

You are worn smooth by waves, hardened by salty brine, and you bide your time, even bringing yourself to smile at Gabe when you get home. You make the bean dip so Mom can rest when she gets home, and you smirk when Gabe is visibly shaken by your confidence.

You wait, because like Poseidon said, Percy is getting older, and things may come to pass. He will need a guardian, a guide.

There is a place for children of the gods, like him.

Camp Half-Blood.

[selene-moonie]

How I got a macbook

The short of it is - I rekindled an old friendship about two weeks ago and while we were catching up, I mentioned that I needed a laptop since I was using my sister's own and my friend just offered me his macbook. I collected it later that day and have been using it since.

Side note: lately, I've realized that I don't need to tell stories (as in always relate the bridge of events) even if I think they're really interesting. Not really piggybacking off my last statement, this is one of my favorites to date because I wasn't even wondering about the bridge of events, I just kept telling myself that I have the laptop.

The long of it is this:

I was at the library where I frequent to do work and pull smalls (a colloquial term for making small talk, but mine personally is always entertaining conversations).

I had a meeting at 1 pm, and I had asked one of the library assistants if I could use the conference room. He assured me that I could, on the grounds that I took pictures with the animals for the conservation exhibit that was going on at the time. I agreed, obviously, and headed for the adult section.

While walking to the adult section, this guy I had blocked back in 2020 because he was high quality garbage called out to me saying, "Hi Selene," and I was like, "Hi Frank," and then I beelined for the adult section because I. Was not. Doing dis.

Y'all, I was in mild panic mode because of all the places to see this dude? The library? Literally, no one goes to this one because it sucks and is in a terrible location. I go there because there aren't a lot of people, the wifi is decent, it's really convenient for my commute and the staff members are all really nice to me. Why was he there? His sister was in charge of the animal exhibit and he was helping her.

But apparently, I was doing it because he followed me and we started talking. At first, I was like, wtf am I doing, then at some point, subconsciously, I decided we were friends again. The conversation was good and I caught him up on what I'd been doing lately since we hadn't spoken since mid-2020.

Stuff like this has been happening lately. Old, cool friends have been resurfacing, new ones have been appearing, and they all match my vibe these days.

My boss then messaged me to say that she'd be in office for the meeting, if I wanted to meet her there. I complained to my newly remade friend that it's kinda late for her to say stuff like that when I don't have enough time to make it there by one. He simply replied that he was going up on that side, so he could drive me there. Obviously I agreed because I didn't want to travel there. Good thing too because I forgot the charger and the laptop has no battery. Had I stayed, I'd have had to go back home to have the meeting anyway.

We dipped out of the library at around 12:20 pm, and while we were just catching up in the car, I told him that I'd been using my sister's laptop (ironically, he had given her that laptop). He just told me that he had a MacBook he wasn't using, so I could take it when we came back after my meeting.

I was like, "Are you fucking serious?"

He's like, "Yeah. It's not a problem. I have like two other computers."

And I was like, "Thank you so fucking much, I really appreciate that."

We continued catching up, I went to my meeting, he picked me up after, and we went to his house to get it. I've been using it since, and in fact, it's what I used to write this post.

Also, if you're wondering about what happened to the conference room... I did forget about that. When I went back to the library the following day, the library assistant did complain to me that I set him up, so we're good now.

Onto the manifesting side of things:

I just wanna say that I did get kinda desperate cuz I'd been needing a laptop for about 2 years at that point, but with my job being WFH and I didn't have enough cash for the laptop I wanted (a MacBook, obviously), I kicked my affirming into high gear.

Ya girl was not about to be waiting another six months or indefinitely for what she wanted. Especially since it was messing with my daily quality of life.

I think I was affirming for it for about a week before it showed up, but what I always made sure to do was remind myself that the lack of options in front of me did not affect the manifestation itself.

i.e. I'm gonna get it regardless of what's going on rn.

Anyways, I got it. I wasn't even thinking about what the bridge of events would have been.

Ya fave Moon Babe,

Selene 💜 🌚

[evajellion]

FF5 Four Job Fiesta: Part 1/3

AKA “I started off with White Mage and I couldn’t have asked for anything better”.

Four Job Fiesta is a challenge playthrough of Final Fantasy V that involves you a random job from each elemental crystal and sticking to all of them for the entire game. You can’t switch out to anything else. Here I’m going to be documenting how my playthrough has gone. I don’t have any screenshots, so unfunny memes will have to do.

The game truly starts the moment you get the Wind Crystal, in which… the randomizer loaded the White Mage. Hoo boy. One of the best classes in the game along with the Blue Mage, but in a situation where I can only beat things to death with a staff?

I was a little worried initially. The next and real first boss, the Karlabos, encountered in the canal. I knew I was going to get wiped if I wasn’t careful, but this is when I realized the benefit of having an all White Mage party at the start. Each time the boss did damage, I could easily have someone heal what was done, then continue bonking Karlabos with staffs.

As for the Siren… well…

Yeah, switching into undead form didn’t really work out for her.

This continued with Magissa, but at that point, I had bought the Protect spell. So all damage received was pretty much decreased. making her beg for the sweet release of death as I slowly picked away at her HP. I picked up an Ice Rod before fighting the Garula and cracked it open on him like a soda can that had been shaken up.

Anyway, so the next job  we have from the Water Crystal is the Red Mage… it’s pretty much a jack of all trades, master of none, using ice spells made all enemies and the boss of the Fire Ship a total pushover.

The Beastmaster, the only class capable of using the whips that you have access to. I gotta say, I actually really love this job. You weaken enemies, you capture them, and the whips aren’t completely weak like they were in FFIV. I even tracked through that one cave to pick up the Shock Whip, all while making sure the Skull Eaters didn’t murder me.

(Image source is long gone, apologies-)

So far, all of the bosses had been relatively easy and not really noteworthy, that was, until I reached the Archeoavis, protector of the Earth Crystal. It will have different phases after taking 1600 points worth of damage, in which it will absorb certain elemental spells. And it will revive itself one last time. Even with my preparation, I was on my last limb before it finally keeled over and got access to our last job, the Chemist.

Exdeath awakened, Galuf left the party to go deal with stuff back in his realm, so we have to chase him down because he is our designated Red Mage for this playthrough dammit.

The Purobolos were kind of difficult, even when I had Faris catch and release a Zuu, they wouldn’t go down all at once like I wanted. Titan was a total joke.

The Manticore though… oh, I picked up a very special enemy up just to deal with that.

This boss is a pain in the ass, it knows Aqua Breath and Frost, and it can hit really hard while your HP trickles down. It’s annoying to deal with when you only have three party members as opposed to the usual four, so I found a solution.

This funny little enemy can only be found in the Library of the Ancients. It’s called “Page 32”. When you catch it, it will cast Banish on foes, a spell only obtained in late game exclusive to the Time Mage.

And yes, this includes certain bosses. So this tiny little book demon, just straight up yeeted an entire boss into the void, ending the fight immediately.

I can only hope that due to my actions, I don’t encounter the Manticore in the void during the end game…

[bookofmirth]

Lele, do you agree that logically with the things that sjm said like CC3 will be featured 6-7months after the events of ACOSF and that next ACOTAR will be a couple POV it indicates more Gwyn and Az then Elain and Az? Bc we are going to say to me that almost another years passes your El/riel and they stil saw each other every day didn’t do anything about Elian’s bound but then “bum” love? It only make logical sense about gwyn researching to help and them a open for their book and then for elucien

Yah, all signs point to Az and Gwyn being a thing, not just because of acosf . There is a handful of acotar characters who have more direct connections to what is happening in CC3, and Elain is not one of them. Not even kind-of.

Here is a list of stuff we learned about acotar in hosab.

Here is my list of character connections between things we learned in hosab and what we know from acosf, but I expanded it from when I made it yesterday. I tried to include everything I could think of, even if the connection is small:

Rhys - speaks Bryce's language and is Boss of Everyone, was also concerned with people from other worlds apparently, Carynthian and familiar with Ramiel and Illyrians

Nesta - had the eight-pointed star tattoo that mimics Bryce's, is leader of the Valkyries, Valkyries and Illyrians are continuing to train, familiar with Ramiel because she's Orestian

Merrill - was researching the other worlds. She had a lot of info on this and was apparently interested before Rhys? Either he asked her to research (perhaps that's why she came to the library, we don't actually know anything about her story because Gwyn wasn't sure), or she told him what she had learned.

Gwyn - was also researching other worlds with Merrill, recently Carynthian and knows Ramiel, continuing to train with Valkyries and Illyrians

Az - has the twin to the Starsword, has all his Illyrian feelings, found Bryce on the lawn sniffing the grass, Valkyries and Illyrians are continuing to train, is also Carynthian and familiar with Ramiel

Bryce - obviously is in Prythian, she has the horn tattooed on her back, she has all the knowledge about where the fae are from and how Illyrians were made and what they did re: the Asteri all those years ago

Emerie - Carynthian, Ramiel, Valkyrie

It is annoying, as someone who likes Elain, that she is being sidelined. I've been annoyed that sjm is doing this to Mor and Lucien for... ever. Since acofas they have been pushed to the side. And Elain is part of that too. Because their stories probably aren't happening yet, I assume.

But we can't deny, even for those of us who like Elain, that she isn't super involved in this current plot. She just isn't.

[tartagliaxx]

hi lei!! how are you? today wasn't that good for me .__. but i managed to pull it together yesterday was my first day at my job teehee i work at a libary and my job is basically to place the returned books back to the shelves everyone is very nice and i could probably get away with listening to music the top y/n fanfic jobs are probably coffeeshop or a florist but working in a library has to be up there somewhere i ended up working an hour longer than i should have by accident which means extra money :3

e nuff of my personal stuff though i wanna hear your opinion on something do you think baal will turn out to be more benevolent? its mostly coming from the idea that we'll be able to play as her soon it would be kinda funny if you'd be able to put her in the teapot house n see her wobble in a bubble but still be enemies fbekdjskdj when a character becomes playable they feel cuter like they say all this heartwarming stuff in the voicelines and unlocking their stories is basically becoming besties with them and them feeling comfortable enough to tell v personal things i think its an interesting theory that visions are used to keep watch on powerful mortals and baal is trying to protect her people from celestia sadly i won't be pulling for her but for kokomi instead dhekjos shes so pretti and i want to kiss her she kinda has death flags tho kokomi is basically the brains of the resistance while gorou is like the brawns right? it reminds me of zhongli and guizhong and gorou even has a geo vision besides that i'm excited for the next archon quest and the other islands too i looked at some leaks and watatsumi island is so pretty >-< -🍰

ooooh!! that sounds nice! i’m glad it went well for you! i’ve deffo read librarian y/ns before. they’re not my favorite but it’s nice.

it may be a little biased but i like the bad bitch baal agenda ahahahahahhaha— i’m not too sure about the ‘benevolent’ part but i feel like she definitely has her reasons. on a more technical side of things, i have reasons to believe that baal wouldn’t be the justified villain in the narrative. first and foremost, contrast. we have yet to encounter a ‘selfish’ god though their existence have long been established. second, it would be a great way to introduce conflict. we just came from the part of the story where mc finds out that their twin is the abyss leader. while i’m sure they have dont agree w their mission *yet*, i also think that of all people, it’s the mc who would understand that there is a valid reason for their twin’s actions even if they might not know it yet. to introduce a cruel god would make them doubt what they have seen so far in mond and liyue. are the archons truly ‘good’ as what they are made out to be? exactly what is stopping zhongli from talking abt 500 years ago? all these would also effectively turn the story into smth w a darker tone and i think inazuma would be a great place to start if we’re talking abt a shift in povs. secretly kind and borderline kuudere/tsundere boss lady baal is cute to think about but i dont think her being playable is enough reason to push that concept forward as mhy also kills alr playable characters in their game. it doesnt make sense but it still happens so 🤷‍♀️

good luck on your pulls! i would be pulling for baal and sara so best of luck to the both of us! i dont particularly feel attached to kokomi (and im still pretty confused w my feelings for gorou) but i am very excited for future updates!

[weekendwarriorblog]

The Weekend Warrior 10/8/21 - NO TIME TO DIE, THE RESCUE, MASS, LAMB, NIGHTSTREAM, and More

It's a very special week here at the Weekend Warrior because October 10 will be my 20th (!!) anniversary as a film critic and the 20th anniversary of me doing a weekly movie preview column, mostly about box office but also with reviews and other stuff. Pretty cool, huh? (I’m celebrating this occasion by writing this column to the music of Public Enemy’s Apocalypse 91 which is 30 years old this month.)

Of course, this column wasn't called The Weekend Warrior in the early days, as I was instead doing "Half-Assed Analysis” at a long-gone Hollywood Stock Exchange fan site called HSJ.org. But then, it was a conversation with Mirko P. from ComingSoon.net (R.I.P.) that got me on the track of changing the name to "The Weekend Warrior" even though it would be a year before I would actually bring it to ComingSoon for 12 ½ wonderful years. The column has gone through a number of transformations and evolutions and iterations over the years, sometimes it being called something different just 'cause I didn't want to go through the ordeal of explaining to one of my bosses at a website that "The Weekend Warrior” is my own, and if I leave, it goes with me.

Anyway, I have taken a few weeks off over the years, particularly earlier this year when it just didn't seem a good time to be trying to predict box office, and I was starting to get burnt out on reviews. Now, the column is kind of back to being mostly about box office but with a few reviews, which is how I've always intended it.

Who knows if I'm going to continue this on that much longer, because honestly, there's no money and very little reward, and it does take a lot of time to write this up each week, especially with all the work I have to do for Below the Line. Anyway, for now, I'm going to keep it going, and we'll see how it goes. But Happy 20th Anniversary to me, and I can promise you… there won't be 20 more. NO FUCKING WAY.

Before we get to this week’s theatrical releases, I feel the need to mention the first of a bunch of October horror film festivals, as NIGHTSTREAM will begin on Thursday and run through Oct. 13. This is an amazing streaming horror/genre film festival that was instituted last year by four festivals, the Boston Underground Film Festival, the Brooklyn Horror Film Festival, the North Bend Film Festival, and the Overlook Film Festival when all four were cancelled due to COVID. Some of these are still happening this year as physical in-person festivals but Nighstream continues on. Some of the guests at this year’s Nightstream are The Green Knight director David Lowery; Akela Cooper, who wrote the recent James Wan horror film, Malignant; horror and special make-up FX legend Greg Nicotero, who is also the showrunner on the Creepshow anthology series, and more.

There are so many movies and events going on in the week of Nightstream but some of the highlights include the World Premiere of Jefferson Moneo’s Cosmic Dawn, Scott Friend’s feature debut, To the Moon, and the Virtual Premiere of Scott Barber’s doc, This is Gwar, as well as much more.

You can see the full list of movies here and learn how to get a pass at the official site.

Let’s get to some other movies hitting theaters...

Obviously, the big release of the weekend and maybe the month is the 25th James Bond movie, NO TIME TO DIE (MGM), once again starring Daniel Craig in his final outing as 007, his fifth movie in a run that started with Casino Royale in 2006 and 15 years later, it’s coming to an end.

Obviously, this being Craig’s last stint as Bond is a big draw for the movie, but there are other interesting things to note First, it’s directed by True Detective’s Emmy-winning director Cary Joji Fukunaga, who is making his biggest budget movie to date, having started with smaller films like Sin Nombre and Jane Eyre, and then getting more attention for his festival favorite, Beast of No Nations, starring Idris Elba, who for a while, people seemed to want to play the NEXT Bond.

Much of Bond’s colleagues and friends from past movies are back including Naomi Harris as Moneypenny, Ralph Fiennes as M, Ben Whishaw as Q, but it also brings back Jeffrey Wright, who was introduced as Felix Leitner in Craig’s first film, Casino Royale, and also a few people from the last Bond movie, Spectre, which wasn’t received as well as the previous one, Skyfall. (More on those things in a bit.) Christoph Waltz played Blofeld in Spectre (for better or worse), and he’s back, as is Léa Seydoux, who played Bond's love interest, and actually she continues said role but brings more to the plot.

The new cast is pretty significant, starting with Oscar winner Rami Malek (Bohemian Rhapsody) as the new arch-villain, Safin, and actually, there’s also a new 007 in Lashana Lynch, who replaced Bond after he retired from MI6. There’s another “Bond Girl” (if you don’t mind the outdated trope) in Ana de Armas, who previously starred with Craig in Rian Johnson’s Knives Out, which feels like it was made 500 years ago but actually has a sequel shooting as we speak. In fact, Armas seems to be getting the best notices from everyone who writes about the movie, even though her section probably isn’t more than 15 minutes long.

I’m not going to say more about the plot. You either don’t need to know it in advance cause you’re seeing it anyway or you don’t WANT to know anything, and good for MGM for being able to keep the plot and lots of stuff secret despite the movie being delayed for 18 months due to COVID.

That’s right. No Time to Die was probably one of the first movies delayed due to COVID, and it definitely wasn’t the last, but MGM (and EON Productions) really stuck to their guns, and didn’t allow a streamer to come forward with millions and millions of dollars to put James Bond on streaming. (Granted, Amazon did come forward and ended up buying MGM outright earlier this year, and we’ve yet to see how and when that will come to fruition. As far as I know, Amazon has nothing to do with MGM’s 2021 releases, of which there are a few still to come.)

Actually, the fact that MGM is releasing this one on its own is an interesting point in itself, because it’s been almost 20 years since the studio has done that with Pierce Brosnan’s last Bond film, Die Another Day. In the time since then, MGM has been co-distributing its films with other studios until fairly recently -- the last four Bond movies were released by Sony Pictures. I’m not gonna throw shade at MGM, because they’ve been doing a fantastic job with No Time To Die, essentially marketing the movie once back in early 2020 and then again for its final release spot this Friday. In between, the movie has moved a number of times as COVID just kept ambushing its planned release date. Any weaker studio (like, say Sony) would have just sold the movie off (as Sony has done many times over the past 18 months until finally having a theatrical hit with Venom). Interesting how that works out, huh? MGM took over Bond, and now it’s releasing the new Bond a week after Sony’s biggest 2021 hit, essentially killing its chances at having a decent second weekend.

Others are seeing how well Venom did and are assuming that the box office is back, and that Bond can do even BIGGER numbers, but you need to take a few things into account, including something called REALITY. And it comes from the wonderful box office archive site, The-Numbers.com, which I have been using for those 20 years mentioned above.

Up until Daniel Craig took over the role, the biggest opening for a Bond movie (not accounting for inflation) was Brosnan’s Die Another Day with $47 million. Casino Royale opened with just $40 million in 2006, but it proved to have significant holiday legs as more people discovered it and decided that the new direction of tougher and grittier and more violent action was for them. It made $167 million domestically and $594 million globally. A few years later, Quantum of Solace had a much bigger opening of $67.5 million but made almost the exact same amount domestically -- the reason? People didn’t like it as much as Casino Royale, so it was more frontloaded.

Oscar-winning filmmaker Sam Mendes took over the 50th anniversary Bond movie, Skyfall, four years later, and that was generally as well received as Casino Royale, so that it set a new opening record for the franchise with $88.3 million and OVER A BILLION worldwide. Woo! Three years later, Spectre was going to introduce two classic Bond villains, Blofeld and Jaws (played by David Bautista) but it once again wasn't received that well, and it opened lower with $70 million and “only” made $200 million domestically vs. the $300 million of Skyfall. It still made over $879 million globally, but a final movie for Craig was always going to happen.

Now I’m going to talk about why I don’t think No Time to Die is going to break the opening record set by Skyfall, and believe it or not, it's not because of COVID. This is the thing. Bond clearly peaked with Skyfall and then it dropped down with Spectre, and that movie wasn't that well-received either by critics or fans with 63% from the former on Rotten Tomatoes and 61% from audiences. That is basically Quantum of Solace numbers and down from Skyfall's 92% and 86%. You take that disappointment and then you add six years, which is how long it's been between Bond movies, and you have a lot fewer people interested in shelling out money to see another Daniel Craig movie. There's no way around the fact that people are just burnt out on Craig and maybe Bond himself, and it really would take a huge wave of positive reviews to get them back.

Also, and unlike Venom, Bond is about as white as you can get in terms of a fanbase. I'm sure there's some African-Americans and LatinX movie fans who enjoy the action and stuff, but do you think you would see the entire James Bond collection in their Bluray libraries? I'm sure there are some, but they may be outliers, because Bond is the kind of Baby Boomer anti-woke un-PC franchise that the Millennials have been warning you about for years. It also doesn't have as big a female fanbase as other franchises (like Marvel) so that's another audience that might not rush out to see the movie. Sure, some changes have been made, including additions like Lashana Lynch or as she's better known, "WHO?!?!?", and de Armas, as well, but it's still the same old James Bond. Fukunaga just didn't try hard enough to make the necessary changes, or maybe he wasn't allowed to, because EON's Barbara Broccoli and Michael G. WIlson still hold very tight reins on the Bond films. Whatever has been done may not just be enough and who knows how many will want to see No Time to Die just to give Craig a glorious send-off? There's also the matter of No Time to Die being almost an hour longer than Venom -- longer run time, less screenings, less money per screen. It's simple math.

I already reviewed the movie for Below the Line -- I liked it but had some issues -- and it’s sitting pretty at 83% Fresh on Rotten Tomatoes, which is a good sign for getting the interest of fans to return to theaters for a movie that won’t be available on streaming on VOD for quite some time, I’d imagine.

I’m feeling generally bullish (or is it bearish?) on No Time To Die, especially with how much better Venom: Let There Be Carnage did last weekend compared to my prediction (OUCH!) but I’m also keeping track of that REALITY I mentioned before. Not just COVID on this one, but also opening the movie earlier overseas where the movie can be easily bootlegged and put on piracy sites for people who just don’t want to chance it at movie theaters yet. (I’m going to be writing more about this soon, but I have seen probably 100 movies or more in theaters since they reopened in NYC, and I get tested regularly. I have not tested positive for COVID once.)

The movie has done very well overseas, scoring $121.3 million in its first weekend, but I still don’t think it will open over $80 million in North America. But I do think it will be close, and I wouldn’t be surprised if it opens somewhere between $75 and 80 million.

Without knowing if any of the movies below might be going wider (but highly doubting it), here’s what the weekend Top 10 might look like. Actually, let’s make that the top 8 cause last week’s #9 and 10 were so odd and I have no idea if anything is expanding wider, as I write this:

1. No Time to Die (MGM) - $76.5 million N/A

2. Venom: Let There Be Carnage (Sony) - $31.5 million -65%

3. The Addams Family II (MGM/UA Releasing) - $9.3 million -45%

4. Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings (Marvel/Disney) - $ 3.5 million -43%

5. The Many Saints of Newark (New Line/WB) - $2.1 million -55%

6. Free Guy (20th Century/Disney) - $1.3 million -45%

7. Dear Evan Hansen (Universal) - $1.1 million -57%

8. Candyman (Universal) - $700,000 -47%

I think there are just way too many great movies to pick just one "Chosen One,” but since I probably should decide, I'm going with Jimmy Chin and Elizabeth Chai Vasarhelyi's new documentary THE RESCUE (National Geographic). You may remember Jimmy and Chai from when they won the Oscar for Free Solo, and their latest is just as good. The rescue in the title refers to the 2018 rescue of an 11-kid Thai soccer team called the Wild Boars and their coach when they became trapped in the Tham Luang caves in Northern Thailand, as the annual monsoon season hits early, flooding the caves in which they’re exploring.

To fully understand how they got trapped, you have to have some idea of the structure of this underground cave system, and this film does a great job explaining how the monsoons create flooding in the caves and how much harder it is to get someone out of them when the rain just won’t stop. Two British cave divers, John Volanthen and Richard Standton, are called in to survey the situation and figure out if there’s a way to get the dozen trapped out alive, as time keeps passing until it seems like those kids are trapped without food longer than any human can survive. Seemingly, thousands of locals and foreigners come to the caves in hopes of helping, whether it’s trying to pump out water or dig new tunnels to try to find where the kids are trapped (which is a difficult task in itself).

There’s a good chance you were watching the news and you know the results of this elaborate and daring cave diving rescue, but you definitely don’t know how the plan was developed and pulled off until you actually watch it as it’s taking place. The underwater and cavern footage of the kids and their saviors is absolutely second to none, and it’s hard not to get emotional in the way Chin and Vasarhleyi assemble the footage with the music.

The Rescue is an amazing movie, maybe as good as the duo’s previous one, Free Solo, and it may be the best recapturing/documentation of an important news event that I’ve seen in recent memory.

I was seriously close to having multiple "Chosen Ones” this week, because there are a few other very good movies, including Fran Kranz’s directorial debut MASS (Bleecker Street), which premiered at the Sundance Film Festival, and deservedly received mass praise and stellar reviews. I don't want to say too much about the movie, because its emotional power may lay in not knowing too much about it in advance. The simplest plot is that it involves two couples meeting in the room of a church to have an important face-to-face about a difficult subject, one that needs resolution and absolution from both parties. If you like great writing and amazing performances, than the work of Reed Birney and Anne Dowd (as one couple) and Jason Isaacs and Martha Plympton (as the other) will make this movie a can't miss.

Again, without getting too deep into what the couples discuss, Mass is written and directed similar to one might do a 90-minue one-act play, but it begins with us seeing the people who work at the church trying to set up the room where this eventful tete a tete will take place. It’s surprisingly witty and even elicits a few laughs from Breeda Wool, who is so nervous and awkward about the meeting that’s about to happen.

When the two couples arrives, that’s where we really get into it, but it still starts out slow, a re-aquaintance phase between the two couples, who clearly have a difficult past, try to get through the niceties before getting into the serious conversation at hand. And here is where I’m gonna put a HUGE SPOILER IN HERE FOR THE NEXT PARAGRAPH.

As with so many movies, Mass deals with gun violence and the survivors of the types of school shootings we’ve seen far too many times in the last two decades. Isaacs and Plympton’s son was killed by the other couple’s son, who turned the gun on himself. It creates this dynamic where both couples have lost a son they loved, but Dowd and Birney are put in a spot where they have to try to explain their son’s behavior and if they saw that he was capable of such violence before the shooting took place.

The actors are all terrific, and while you might think a dialogue-heavy movie with four actors sitting at a table might not do much for you… well, first of all, you can go see No Time to Die if that’s more your speed … but Kranz’s direction is more than just getting these emotional performances out of his actors but also capturing it on film and editing it to best effect. There’s even an imperfection to the camera work, sometimes focusing on one actor while another is talking, that makes this long conversation feel even more authentic, as if you’re a fly on the wall in that room.

Again, the writing and performances and direction of Mass makes it one of the most powerful dramatic works this year. I’d love to see any of the four main actors get awards attention, but especially Dowd and Isaacs, who have been so deserving of awards love for a very, very long time.

Icelandic filmmaker Valdimar Jóhansson's LAMB (A24) is a very different movie, this one starring Noomi Rapace and Hilmir Snær Guðnason as Maria and Ingvar, a couple living on a sheep farm (or rather, a lamb farm -- I honestly don't know the difference) who make an incredible discovery when a lamb gives birth to a child they decide to raise as their own. Invar's brother Pétur is not only not impressed but he thinks they’ve gone crazy, but there’s a lot of far more nefarious things going on in and around their remote and isolated farm.

This is a really fascinating film, one that’s fairly subdued but Johansson and his cinematographer (Eli Arenson) beautifully capture the vast landscapes of Iceland and gives us a real idea of how remote and isolated the farm where it mostly takes place is. He also does a great job building on the mystery of this child and the tension that surrounds where it came from, and yet, I’m not sure I’d consider Lamb to be horror, even if A24 is maybe marketing it in that direction. Really, it’s more magical fantasy mixed with character drama, and Rapace is just great as always, really impressing me with her skills delivering baby animals and driving a tractor.

If you dig a bit deeper, you’ll discover that Jóhansson wrote the screenplay with one “Sjón,” an author who has contributed to Lars von Trier's Dancer in the Dark (one of my favorite musical movies) and also wrote The Northman, Robert Eggers next movie.

This is a terrific debut by Jóhansson -- I have an interview with the director over at Below the Line, too -- and it will be highly interesting to see where he goes from here.

I was hoping to watch and review SOUTH OF HEAVEN (RLJEfilms), the new movie from Aharon Keshales, the co-director of the fantastic Israeli thriller, Big Bad Wolves, which stars Jason Sudeikis, Evangeline Lilly, Mike Colter, and Shea Whigham, but I fell foul of a lousy screener and just didn't have tie to watch it before writing this week's column. Sudeikis plays Jimmy, a convict who has served 12 years for armed robbery who gets early parole, and he swears to give his childhood love Annie (Lilly), who is dying from cancer, the best final year of her life.

I also didn't get a chance to watch Russian filmmaker Evgeny Ruman's comedy GOLDEN VOICES (Music Box Films), which opens in New York and L.A. this weekend. It stars Maria Belkin and Vladimir Friedman as Raya and Victor, the Soviet Union’s popular film dubbers who have been translating film classics into Russian for decades. When the country collapses in 1990, the Jewish couple decides to move to Israel in hopes of finding employment. When she answers a help wanted ad looking for “pleasant voices,” she ends up working as a phone sex operator catering to the Russian community in Israel while he falls in with black market film pirates.

I also just haven't gotten around to JUSTIN BIEBER: OUR WORLD (Amazon), directed by Michael D. Ratner, which seems like the fourth or fifth documentary about the global superstar, this one that goes into the making of his 2020 New Year's Eve concert after a three-year hiatus atop the Beverly Hills Hilton for 240 invited guests and millions via livestream. It will stream on Amazon Prime Video this Friday.

A couple horror movies streaming this week are THERE’S SOMEONE INSIDE YOUR HOUSE (Netflix), the new movie from Patrick Brice (Creep), which hits Netflix and involves a masked assailant targetting a high school graduating class to expose the darkest secret of each victim, forcing a group of misfits to band together to stop the killings.

Shudder gets V/H/S 94 (Shudder), the latest anthology horror movie made up of five installments, directed by Simon Barrett, Chloe Okuno, Ryan Prows, Jennifer Reeder, and Timo Tjahjanto. I haven't watched it yet but that's quite a rogue's gallery of horror/genre filmmakers there.

Streaming on Amazon Prime Video are the next two installments of this year's batch of Welcome to the Blumhouse movies, Axelle Carolyn's The Manor, an eerie tale set in a retirement home and starring the legendary Barbara Hershey, and Ryan Zarazoga’s Madres about a young Mexican-American couple having their first child in ‘70s California where he’s sent to work on a farm where the wife finds a talisman and a box with belongings of the former resident. Both of them debut on Amazon Prime Video this Friday, too. Also, you can read my interview with Ms. Carolyn over at Below the Line.

Other movies that just didn't fit into my schedule this week include:

ASCENSION (MTV Documentary Films) VENGEANCE IS MINE (Vertical) PHARMA BRO (1091) KNOCKING (Yellow Veil Pictures)

Next week’s wide release is David Gordon Green’s horror sequel, HALLOWEEN KILLS!

[forkanna]

[AO3 LINK]

NOTE: I probably bring up Rilo Kiley way more often than is necessary, but God they're just one of my favourite bands. While writing this, I ended up ordering my fave album of theirs on vinyl (just being sentimental I guess) and finally got their "Rkives" collection of b-sides, which was kind of their goodbye letter to their fans. Probably the real reason it took me this long is that I didn't want to believe they really would never put out another album...

Anyway, none of this is important to the fic at all.

"MAN, that was so awesome! The way the creature exploded from inside the box and went for the girl's face, but she bashed it with the meat tenderizer?! I was totally on the edge of my seat!"

"The edge of the counter, you mean," I sighed as we headed down Bloor. As much as I hated to admit it, the movie hadn't been half-bad, even if I couldn't see myself watching it again unless a friend really wanted to. And since I don't have any friends…

"Did you see the look on her boyfriend's face when she chose the monster over him? I thought he would BARF!"

"Yep."

"Oh my gosh…" With a happy little giggle, Knives skipped once before settling into a normal stride again. "Way better than that movie you were watching when I got there."

"Oh, 'The Birds'?"

"Yeah. It was black and white, and just kind of looked depressing."

"Right. What a flop that one was." There was no sense in fighting with someone who didn't appreciate classic cinema, after all. Not that I'm that big of a Hitchcock fan, but the old letch had a way with a camera lens.

"Anyway, sorry about knocking over that display," she went on, scratching her cheek. "Is it expensive? I still have some saved up from working at Second Cup last year…"

My shoulders moved up and down. "Doesn't matter. The boss barely gives a shit. And nothing was really broken, just kinda… bent slightly."

"Oh. Okay, good."

"Um…"

The silence stretched on for another block. Finally, Knives asked, "Um, what? Normally I'd be the one to start a sentence and forget to finish it."

That was a fair point. Why was I having so much trouble with this? My question was supposed to be something simple. Supposed to be. But for whatever reason, asking it felt like a more monumental task. An important one.

"Do you… wanna… come back to my place?"

SHIT. Of course I would end up asking it in a way that sounds like way more than I intended. Like I was propositioning some damn college freshman! Who's a chick! I felt stupid, and embarrassed, and had to snap my lips shut to keep from babbling more, even though in reality, this actually wasn't a big deal. People went to their friends' apartments all the time! Logic couldn't stop me from feeling ridiculous.

"Really?"

When I looked up, her eyes were shining with glee. Literally shining — it could have been the headlights of a passing car. Not really sure.

"Nevermind," I said immediately, continuing to walk at a quick pace. "Forget I said anything."

"No, wait, but- listen- I'm talking to you!" Dashing after me, she finally caught up when I got to the corner and I had to wait for the crosswalk signal. "Kim! I promise I'll be good, don't go!"

"I just… wanted to see if you'd be interested, but not if you're going to make it into some red-letter event, okay?! GOD!"

Her arms wrapped around me, and I had to fight down the instinct to shove her into traffic. "But this is gonna be fun! I've been waiting for you to invite me back sometime!"

"You have?! Then why didn't you say anything?"

"Because you already kind of acted annoyed that I was even hanging around you, and I didn't wanna push it!"

"Well, that's… that is just… totally accurate," I admitted through my clenched teeth. Much as it pained me. "But you could have just… I don't know, nevermind."

By now, how close she was started to get on my nerves. I don't know why; normally I'm not that averse to being squeezed, but just something about how excited she was to come by my stupid apartment made it worse. Still, was kind of nice to actually have a friend get within my personal space bubble again. For someone to care enough to try.

"I'm just happy, that's all," she finally whispered. Then she seemed to sense that I'd bite her head off purely to avoid confronting feelings, so she drew back and smiled awkwardly. "But yeah, I'll chill with you for an hour or two."

"Fine. Uh… well, then let's, um…"

I didn't even finish the thought. Instead, I put one foot in front of the other, half hoping that Knives would forget to follow me. She didn't.

                                                      ~ o ~

"What do you want, tea? Milk? Milktea?"

"Water's fine," she said with a pleasant little smile. That was starting to drive me nuts. She left her chunky boots by the door — which I don't know why she was wearing in the middle of Summer, anyway — and sat cross-legged on the counter as I got her a glass of water, then reached for a beer for myself.

"You… don't mind if I…?"

"I can drink now, too, you know," she giggled with her hands wrapped around her shins as she smiled over at me. "But, um… I don't think I should."

The cap bounced across the kitchen and into the corner when I popped it, and I told myself I'd worry about picking it up later. "Don't think you should? What, did you find religion at uni or something?"

"Nah. Just… after what happened at Julie's aunt's…"

Everything in the room seemed to freeze. After a moment or two… I began to realise it really did freeze.

Swallowing hard, I waved my hand back and forth past Knives's face. Totally petrified. She still looked normal, but I couldn't move her even when I pushed very slightly at her arm. This was really bizarre. I started having Vietnam-style flashbacks to the year before, but the flickering of my fluorescent light bulb was helping to distract my brain from diving down that rabbit hole. Not when I already had another rabbit hole to climb out of as it was.

Actually… it wasn't the light bulb. When I looked up, I saw giant brick letters that said "PAUSE" suspended in midair, flashing a rainbow of colours. They were a little too high up for me to reach them easily, but I thought I could touch them by hopping up and down a little…

Yet I didn't. Not yet.

Pacing back and forth, I tried to think through my reaction. Why did I freeze up so much? I couldn't even fully remember what happened that night… except that I had some kind of vague snippet of Knives saying "I've kissed the lips that kissed you." And then we did a little experiment, cutting Scott out of the picture. That's it; everything else was a blank, everything that came after, most of the next morning. Gone. And I had been dreading when she might bring it up again, just in case her memory was a little clearer than mine. That was truly mortifying to me.

On the other hand, Knives was trying not to let that happen again. Did she hate kissing me? Or was she just trying not to repeat a sloppy, drunken mistake? Maybe she liked it but thought I hated it, the same way she didn't ask to come back to my place because she knew I was barely tolerating her as a pseudo-friend.

Anyway, this was all conjecture. I was getting way ahead of myself. Knives was a nice person, even if I don't typically trust nice people (because they turn out like Scott most of the time). Sighing, knowing this wasn't really fair to her anyway, I hopped up and smacked the word that had appeared overhead.

"...I dunno," she finally finished, rubbing at the back of her neck. Then she blinked. "Hey, how'd you get into the middle of the kitchen so fast? I thought I was the one with the training."

"Nevermind that. Um… what happened that night. I don't remember a lot; I was pretty tanked. So like, it wasn't… if I did anything…" Somehow, despite having that additional time to prepare myself, I still wound up blushing and looking away from her.

"Huh? Oh… crazy, right?" Clearing her throat, she shrugged and went on, "Well, I remember more than you do, I think, but we don't have to talk about it anymore."

Swallowing hard and trying to get my stupid face under control, I said, "Thanks." A huge swig of beer gave me time to think of a subject to change to. "Sure you don't want one?"

"I'm good, thank you."

"Cool."

I led her into the living room and flopped down on the couch. She took the seat next to me, but when I turned to glare at her, she moved over to the nearby chair. Then I felt like shit for scaring her off, but she was already talking again.

"So… do you have anything good to watch here?"

"Not really. No internet or cable, and I don't have a lot of movies."

"I thought you'd have tons, working at a video store! Like, when they get rid of the old ones, you could get them for free or something…"

A long sigh issued as I slid further down, propping my feet up on the coffee table. "Nope." She did the same thing, and I tried not to laugh at her mirroring my gesture.

"So what do you do for fun when you get home?"

"Nothing."

"Really? Then why do you go to the library?"

She had me there. "Uh… no reason. Check my email, I dunno."

"Do you wanna listen to music? I, um… have some on my phone…"

The request was so nervous that I had to fight down the urge to lash out at her. To tell her that was a stupid idea, or sarcastically say it was greeeaaat and she was a genius. These things just come naturally to me. Instead, I managed to grit my teeth and say, "Sure." After all, what better ideas were coming out of my brain? Not a one.

                                                      ~ o ~

So we listened to her music, I finished my beer. I said I liked the song, she told me who it was — somebody I'd heard of but dismissed as a lame pop act. Para-whatever. Then we started talking about other bands we liked, and most of hers were cheesy or lame, but she also liked a lot of decent stuff. Somehow, we both knew Rilo Kiley, which I didn't think anybody else in the universe had heard of. Every band I brought up that she didn't know, she responded with "I'll have to check them out", which would be a brush-off coming from anyone else. But Knives meant it.

It started to get late. Part of me wanted her to stay, but most of me needed her to go, so I yawned and said I was thinking about going to bed soon and she got the hint.

"Sorry I was so lame," Knives apologised with too much sincerity as I showed her to the door. "Next time, I'll try to bring my old Nintendo 64 over or something."

"Nice. Do you have Mario Kart?"

"Why wouldn't I have it?" I smiled. That was the closest I usually came to laughing, and I felt my face heating up again from letting her in too far, but I also was annoyed with myself for overthinking every goddamn moment. "And Smash."

"Sorry my apartment was so boring," I shot at her, trying to make up for the smile with caustic sarcasm. Balance my arbitrary scales.

"It's okay." Totally missed it, of course. "You weren't expecting me today, and I wasn't expecting to be invited, either. But I liked hanging out with you, even if all we did was talk. It's been nice."

"Nice, huh?" Her smile seemed to cut right through my force field. "Yeah. That's a word, I suppose."

After a heartbeat, she leaned in to hug me, and I stood there in mild surprise until she let go. "Do you want my cell?"

"Why bother? You'll just show up when you feel like it, right?"

"True, true. See you later!" She was only a few steps away from the door when she called back, "Oh, and I'll check out those Stars guys!"

"Yep."

I waved. Then I was alone in my apartment, with no Nintendo to distract me from wrestling with my crazy thought patterns. Damn my mom for putting all my games in a yard sale after I moved out.

                                                      To Be Continued…